#and its really effected my mental state in feeling no good & alone
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I'll never get over how Athena's trauma is written in Dual Destinies. I never will. It's one of few areas I have absolutely no complaints about.
At a surface-level, it's a very effective tool to evoke discomfort, fear, pity, and intrugue from the player. We get glimpses as to what's causing these nervous breakdowns of hers in 5-1 and it's nothing comforting (a courtroom with bloodied-out faces staring judgementally at a crying child is... distrubing). Those breakdowns are accompanied by near silence, letting us drink in the raw emotions of the moment. Her breakdown in 5-3 is a standout example; there's nothing but hollow wind and a shivering, broken Athena to lend the moment its deserved gravitas as she fruitlessly tries to calm herself.
Repeating the trauma of having to defend a dear friend from being accused for killing their tutor, in spite of nobody listening to you, is going to do that to you.
Come the revelations in 5-5, we get compelling body language with her covering her ears in distress - the most sensitive part of her & source of a lot of pain in her childhood. Shaking her head in denial at the revelation of what Simon saw when he walked in the robotics lab, how rarely she comes out of her sad pose during the first half of 5-5 (reminiscent of Edgeworth's own brooding pose in the Wright Trilogy, most often seen when he's reliving his own traumas). Even after things come to light and the truth is revealed, she struggles to even say what happened while locked in that Edgeworth arm-grab pose. It's fantastically handled each time it rears its ugly head.
Going deeper, it also explains a lot about her behaviour; her reflexive throwing of the police officer in 5-2 and her furious outbursts being some good examples. Her emotional state is pretty wild throughout Dual Destinies - partially because she's just like that - but partially because she's trying to keep the more uncomfortable feelings down.
She goes quiet when the Blackquills first arrive, being avoidant around the topic of Simon and unable to confront Aura for just how cynical and loathing she's become. She's very iffy around blood and is noticably uncomfortable and perturbed during 5-3 (for reasons I have already mentioned).
Her main motivation for keeping this pain to herself is a tragically relatable one; not wanting the drag others down in her sorrow. That's the reason she gives Phoenix when he tells him to back down and stop fighting (a stark contrast to when she objected on his behalf in 5-DLC, sensing he still had some fire left in him).
Despite having others help bring her back from a dark state of mind before, her pushing others away to carry the sufferage alone when it's too much for her feels painfully real.
But one of my favourite parts is how other characters handle it. Specifically, how Phoenix handles himself around Athena.
Even if he doesn't know the full extent of her traumas, he knows she's nervous and perhaps not in the best of spirits. He's a LOT more gentle with her than Apollo, is for damn sure; guiding her through examining Courte's body and praising her for getting through it despite going pale. He does still tease in 5-DLC, 5-3, and 5-4, but it's more playful than what he does with Apollo. He also keeps it to a minimum in 5-1 after just barely making it before she has another shutdown, prioritising his role as a reliable presence over anything else.
A very good example of this is 5-5; when the big revelation finally comes and Athena's ready to confess to what really happened during UR-1, Phoenix is there to reassure her that she's safe and prevents the Judge from butting in to give her room to disclose what happened.
When push comes to shove and Athena can't quite make it out of that terrible mental space on her own, it's her friends and allies that ultimately help pull her out.
Juniper Woods re-assures Athena of her faith, something that had appeared to waver over this case until the truth of what she saw the day of the murder came out.
Simon Blackquill reminds her why she's even here to begin with, indirectly stating that he so desperately wishes her to succeed and bring them both out of this mess.
Apollo Justice - on top of the usual "your're fine!" bit - reminds her of the skills she has to turn 5-3 around.
Phoenix Wright, having dealt with many a client and friend burdened by trauma, gives Athena the stable footing she needs to get back up and carry on. Even if he needs to step in now and then, it's not to belittle or infantalise her - it's to be supportive.
I've said before in a past essay I don't really think too highly of anymore that I don't really mind the fact that Athena needs so much help throughout the game. This is the main reason why; her PTSD from the events of UR-1 have a believable impact on her character and ability to perform normally, with characters helping to pull her back out in ways unique to them and their respective relationship to her. As I said, she gets all that support because she genuinely NEEDS it. The game does a good job proving that much.
And that's alright.
Part of the reason it took so long to solve this is that Athena constantly pushed people away from her problems. She didn't want anyone else to become another psychological casualty of something that otherwise only affects her. It's when she finally sees that Phoenix can and does help her that she can finally let him do so, and help him in return by digging into that dark place and letting the memories of that day come back to her.
Trauma in Ace Attorney doesn't often get this level of focus. It can and has been depicted rather well in the past - see Edgeworth for a good example - but Athena, being the heart-on-your-sleeve type and a protagonist, offers a unique opportunity to witness how it affects her on a more personal, sometimes first-person level.
Between a gut-wrenching and haunting presentation, stellar characterisation, and fairly grounded consequences and reactions to it from her and others... it's a rare part of Dual Destinies that I have no complaints about.
Happy Thena Thursday!.....?
#dual destinies analysis#thena thursday#thena thoughts#dual destinies spoilers#ace attorney spoilers#athena cykes#dual destinies#undescribed#i'd also like to mention how painful it is to see shivering athena from the counsel perspective.#you're standing right next to her while she's in genuine anguish and telling you to stand down and accept her guilt.#the same things that make us laugh make us cry just as hard.
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"Lookism Men x Reader (When you're sick/not feeling well PART 1) J-High Main Boys"
Warnings: getting sick, over fatigue, colds/fever, passing out, overall not feeling well Genre: fluff ☁️Reader is gender neutral (and in an established relationship with the character of choice :)
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿
Daniel Park (Park Hyung Seok)
It's super obvious that he'll get super worried about you. As you boyfriend, he needs to take care of you all the time and make sure you're doing well (not like he babies you too much but he still loves you y'know).
What's the reason why you got a cold? Well you and Daniel were dancing in the rain and you forgot to shower later on because you're too tired (dumb reason I know but still...).
He'll be super guilty on why he let you get soaked in rain water in the first place while he didn't have caught one (it's because of his strong immune system gimme some of your durability Danny). Daniel will also scold you for being careless, though he wouldn't go to far to scream at your face since you're already miserable in your state. He doesn't want you to also feel mentally unwell. "I told you to go shower when you got home Y/N". he flicked your forehead as you pouted at the raven-haired boy, him almost giving you a glare for being naïve again. "But I forgot to 'cause I was so tired." you protested as you tried to justify your stupidity making him sighs at your statement. "Well, don't forget about it next time. You're making me worried". He advised again as he placed his palm to check your temperature, you can see the distress on his face obviously him being concerned about your health. Though you're not feeling well, you smiled at Danny knowing that no matter how stubborn you are, he's always there to take care of you. "Wow, I didn't know that you actually cared for me". you teased as he chuckled at your joke, finally seeing a smile form on his lips. "Of course you're my partner dummy. You really are a goofball even when you get sick". he ruffled your hair as you laughed along with him despite your throat already feeling sore. "Well, nobody can stop my goofiness even if its a cold I guess".
Expect Daniel to take care of you most of the time. Considering how he's used to living alone and being independent most of the times, he'll cook ramen (or what ever food you want as long as it's healthy) and check on you. He'll also ask for his mom about effective medicines for him to buy on the pharmacy and he'll also make you warm tea or soup so you get better soon (I love this man so much don't blame me). And he'll also give you massages if you asked him! He used to take care of his mom after her work and especially when she's tired so he's really good at it :). He'll also give you advice on how to take care of yourself because at times he's usually either studying or getting involve with criminal and gang drama which can be disappointing on your part. But you know that despite him being your partner, you still need to properly take care of your physical and mental well being.
He'll also insist to sleep on a futon while you rest on the bed since he's used to sleep on the floor. He wants you to get more comfortable while you recharge your energy and he'll definitely scold you again if you protested lmao. Also expect him to clean and sanitize the place after you got better (he also doesn't want to fell ill so...)
Zack Lee (Lee Jin Sung)
He's the definition of a protective and caring boyfriend. He'll panic 24/7 if you got sick. He hates seeing you feeling unwell.
I headcannon that Zack secretly likes being pampered and being taken care of by his someone. Like when we see Mira feeding him when he had a arm injury. So it can be a disadvantage in your relationship if you're the one who needs it. (not like he completely sucks at it).
But doesn't mean that Zack won't try providing your needs. He wants to be supportive and be the best boyfriend especially when you're not in your best condition. He'll definitely ask help on Mira and even Jace when you started showing signs of being sick. "Mira, Y/N's having a headache what should I do?" he bashfully asked while he scratched his hair out of worry and nervousness. "Oh, Let her/him sit and give her/him water since standing can be a dangerous when you're feeling dizzy!" He'll definitely take you to the nearest clinic possible even if your head just aches a lot or if you're feeling a bit dizzy.
He'll also willing to give you a massage if your body hurts so much and if you consent to it. "Does your shoulders hurt?" he'll ask in concern as your face scrunch because of your muscles feeling sore. "No, I'm fine Zack don't worry." you lied to him while giving him a forced smile as he sighed knowing that you're trying to act okay. He knows you don't want to be a burden to him even if it's far from the truth. "Please, let me help you?" he pleaded as you sighed back knowing that you can't do anything with your boyfriend whose trying to help you. "Okay. if you say so". Surprisingly, Zack is also good at giving massages so trust him about it.
And if you catch a cold, he'll also scold you, his voice will have a bit higher-pitch on it with a mix of concern (it's a bit funny if you asked me especially when his voice cracks along with the lines lmao). "Y/N! I TOLD YOU TO CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES AFTER YOU EXERCISE! NOW YOU CAUGHT A COLD!" "S-sorry, next time I will." And he won't let you eat your junk food when you're sick lmao. Then he'll apologize for almost screaming at your face but you know that he's just being worried about your health. He's not the best at cooking and cleaning but he'll order pot lock food and your prescribed medicine for you especially hot and fresh soup so that your cold will be gone soon :). He'll also buy you lots of vitamins so your immune system will get better.
Vasco (Lee Eun Tae)
Like Zack, he'll definitely in a state of shock about you getting sick. His mind will travel into different dimensions because of you acting so off today. "Did I do something wrong? Is Y/N angry at me? Did I pushed her/him so much on our daily exercise?".
Considering how a bit dumb Vasco is, he doesn't know what to do when you get sick even worse if you passed out lol. But don't blame him, he's definitely trying his best! (He'll be the type to cry when you're blacked out since he thought your heart stopped beating and y'know 💀😭🤚) "Y/N LOVE! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! REMEMBER WE'LL ADOPT BABY PUPPIES FOR OUR 1st ANNIVERSARY!" Your boyfriend panicked as he catches you on his muscular body preventing you falling on the floor. "Vasco, let's just take her/him on the school clinic she/he probably just passed out". Jace replied back as he's also in a state of panic and he tries to make Vasco calm down. "Oh yeah, Jace let's take her/him there!".
He'll also cry his balls out once you woke up on your sleep. Considering how strong this man is, he'll unconsciously crush your body as he hugs you on your bed. "Y/N! You're finally awake! I was so worried about you!" your boyfriend cried as he hugs you, forgetting that your body feels so numb and tired as you tried to wiggle out of his literally breathtaking embrace on the hospital bed . "E-Euntae, y-you're crushing me..." "Oh sorry!".
His mind will also malfunction like a computer crashing as the doctor explains to him how to take good care of you, what you should eat and what's bad for you. Good thing Jace will help Vasco out and handle your prescriptions since his friend can be confused in buying medicine and he might probably buy the wrong pills lmao. He will also ask for the help of other Burn Knuckles members to take charges in monitoring your condition if they're alright with it and when they are free. But Jace might consider wearing a facemask too to prevent the risk of getting sick too along with his crewmates and Vasco incase you have a cold or cough.
Vasco's not really good at giving massages since his strength will probably crush your shoulders off lol. But since he's so gentle at touching you like a fragile glass, he'll probably do the job done. He's not also good at cooking. But he'll definitely buy those salmon soup dishes for you or something hot and warm for you like tea if you're allergic to fish and seafood. He's doing his best so please appreciate it and be patient about him.
Jay Hong (Hong Jae Yol)
Jay will dedicate his time and life for you 24/7. He might even be your personal nurse if you asked me.
He'll also be worried and you can see that frown on his face when he notices you having a cough or cold, when you're feeling dizzy or when your body sores so much. But after for a few minutes, he'll compose himself so that he can take good care of you.
If you're injured, he'll definitely have reserved band aids and ointment on his Gucci bag so it won't be a different when you need cough syrups and cough menthols. He'll also lend you his alcohol/sanitizers and facemasks (he's always ready for disaster unlike the other 3 lmao). Though he still can't help but to be deeply concerned about you even when he's in school and he mostly notices if you're absent or not. So he'll let you rest even when you're working on something important or when you're studying and doing your homework he'll do it for you instead if you don't mind (I swear this man is a people pleaser😭).
He's not a professional cook since his servants/maids do the household chores but he's also a decent one since he does not rely on them too much which is a great advantage. If you live in the same apartment, he'll make food for you like soup and bread which actually taste good (and it's made with expensive shit/ingredients so better gobble it up don't waste his money lol). He'll also give you lots of good massages. It's gentle, relaxing but has that force to kill that stinging pain on your body. And he'll also lock all the cabinets and pantry where you hid your unhealthy sweets and snack lol.
And if Jay's busy he'll let his assistant (even Daniel) to look after you. And expect him to buy your medication and a healthy food for you the time he comes back home with that cute smile on his face :).
Also expect him to sanitize the place once you get better lol. And he'll even cuddle with you after you got well <3.
Part 2 will be Hudson, Eli, Warren and Johan :)
#lookism x reader#lookism x y/n#lookism x you#daniel park x reader#jay hong x reader#zack lee x reader#lookism fic#vasco x reader#euntae lee x reader#park hyungseok x reader#hong jaeyeol x
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Sception Reads Cass Cain #36
Batgirl (2000) #16 - July 2001
Writer: Puckett Pencils: Scott
Inks: Campanella Colors: Wright
Another solo one shot, another resonant and memorable stand alone story that Cass fans from back in the day will remember clearly. Got a bit more time to work with, gonna try and pull some more images this time, because the art in this one is just really good. Honestly, this issue is peak early days Batgirl - the kind of story she was literally made to tell, and it's really well executed. If I had to pick a single issue of Cass's entire Batgirl run as sort of a 'this is what she's all about' encapsulation for someone completely new to Cass and her book, this would be on the short list. If you've never read her ongoing before, i strongly recommend you actually read the issue for yourself before the summary here.
The issue opens on a bunch of kids playing a mean game where they throw a rat in the air and get points if it lands in a circle they drew on the ground. The nerd in my has to point out that it's kind of unrealistic. Rats aren't quite as fall resistant as, say, cats, but while they could be hurt or maybe even killed by a fall from only as high as a grade school kid could throw them, most are going to scamper away and none are going to land so badly that they splatter like a water balloon.
Anyway, it's gross and its cruel but also kind of cute as the kids argue about the rules and 'nuh uh' each other, and Scott draws their faces really expressively, and the whole scene starts with a rat silhouetted in front of the moon mid toss in an image that's as aesthetically compelling as it is disturbing in context before plummeting back down
I could talk about how Cass is flying high through the city as Batgirl while her mental state is hurtling towards a painful crash, but that's probably reading too much into it.
Anyway, after the first splat there's this kind of cool sequence where the next kid throws the rat up and they all run back and look down at the circle...
Only the rat never comes down, and when they look up like 'where did it go?' there's Cass
The image of Cass swooping down from above with the kids all looking up is pretty cool, and the way the panels create a pacing for the scene is really good. Effective storytelling through sequential art.
Cass drops down, and the kids scatter. Not a situation that needs any more intervention then that, and we get a nice panel showing just her hands and feet as she crouches down to gently let the rat go. A pretty standard inverse kick-the-dog moment to establish Cass as the good guy by having her be nice to an animal, but for those who have been reading along from the first issues of her book it also reminds us of how Bruce once praised her for being 'gentle', and how despite everything that's happened that part of her is still in there.
As the other kids scatter, one stays behind to kick off the main plot for the issue. I like how awkward Cass is here, towering over this kid when she's used to being around allies and enemies taller than herself, not knowing how to talk to him.
Also, I haven't talked about it in a bit, but I just really love the way Scott draws Cass as Batgirl? Her proportions with her big head emphasizing her youth. The way you can make out her expressions despite the full face mask - and the way he gives her the same expressions that he gives Bruce. Her prominent jaw line making her feel tough and defiant and stubborn. The way you can make out her expression through the mask, the sleek lines of how her cape drapes from her neck to the point shoulders and then down, or the way the cape flows when he draws her in motion, all with an oil-slick feel that likely owes as much to Campanella's inking as to Scott's pencil work.
There are aspects of how others draw Cass in her batgirl suit that I like - most recently I love how Leonardo Romero draws the pointy ears on her cowl in the recent Birds of Prey run, it gives Cass a retro feel that really fits his vintage newspaper comic aesthetic. But Scott's version of Cass-as-Batgirl is always how I'll see the character in my mind.
The kid, Tim, takes Cass back to his home, a messy apartment with a mattress just dropped on the floor. You can feel the poverty, and start to form an image of this kid's dad in your head as, like, a decent man pushed into crime by desperation to provide for his kid.
An impression that Tim then explicitly reinforces.
The scene cuts to the bank mid robbery, and we meet someone who seems to fit the mold - Jake. The way Scott draws Jake's expressions, you can tell he doesn't want to be there, and when asked what he's going to do with the money they steal, he just says he's going to pay some bills. But when a security guard surprises them, Jake is startled and shoots him, almost by accident....
The boss, Chaco, compliments Jake on the kill, rubbing in how this isn't a guy who would normally do something like that with the 'didn't think you had it in you' line, and as they walk away you can see how horrified Jake is at what he's done.
In contrast, Chaco shows just how comfortable he is with killing by shooting one of his own guys point blank when he realizes the guy was stealing traceable jewelry from the vault, the way the panel suddenly goes red, and Chaco's calm expression just the panel before, emphasizing how sharp and sudden the violence is.
Chaco's a professional. Ruthless and dispassionate, about the job, about killing, even with his allies. He clearly didn't even feel any malice towards the guy he shot - he was downright friendly with all of his crew, even Jake, just a few panels ago, and that friendliness was probably even genuine. But this guy became a liability, and Chaco doesn't have any time or pity for liabilities.
It's around this time that they notice Jake is missing. More liabilities.
A couple of the crew find Jake in an alley, overwhelmed by guilt over killing that security guard, and again, I just have to say, the art in this issue is really good. The perspective in that first panel looking down, with the shadows stretching forward guns first, the expressions on Jake and the guy who has a gun drawn on him, the detail on the background cobblestones & brickwork. All really good.
Anyway, this is when Cass shows up, in terrifying shadow form, knocking out the two goons with the guns in as many panels.
Cass sees Jake, like us assumes he's Tim's dad, and takes pity on him. For Tim's sake.
But Jake is overwhelmed by guilt.
Guilt is one thing Cass understands.
Tim wanted Cass to stop his dad before he did something bad, something he wouldn't be able to forgive himself for, something Tim wouldn't be able to forgive him for. But Cass was too late. Once again, she's failed.
Only, Tim isn't Jake's son.
He's Chaco's son.
Chaco the remorseless killer. Chaco who can be friendly one moment and commit murder the next. Cass wasn't too late to stop Tim's dad from doing something bad, Tim's dad had been bad the whole time.
And bad dads are also something Cass understands.
I need to take a step out of the story for a moment here though to talk again about how Scott draws Cass, and in particular the bit about conveying her facial expressions through the mask. Scroll up a bit and look at the downcast resignation on her face when Jake says he has to pay for what he's done, then the surprise when he says he isn't Tim's father, and then the absolute fury here.
The expressions are so vivid, and carry so much of the load when it comes to conveying Cass's thoughts and emotions and personality.
Bringing back another old chestnut of this blog, Cass can speak now, and think in words and sentences, but there are no thought bubbles or narration blocks in the entire issue. The book just doesn't need them, not when Scott's Art is able to put everything going on in these characters heads right on their faces.
Cass lays into Chaco, stopping only when she realizes he's already unconscious, and you can feel the sharp snap of her attacks in how the panels are layed out.
Bringing back another old chestnut, the action panels are practically perfunctory. They're there, and they're good, but there's no back and forth, there's never any question of the bank robbers so much as landing a hit on Cass. Who will win in a physical fight was never where the story's tension was. It was all about the emotional stakes.
Tim arrives on scene just in time to see his dad carted off on a stretcher to the hospital, and as Cass takes him home he looks back, through the spikes on her gauntlet, as through through the prison bars that are going to separate him from his father for the rest of his life.
And the last page is this somber, heartbreaking moment of Cass trying to console Tim that just because his father is a bad person, doesn't mean he is too, and it's obvious that Cass is thinking about herself and David Cain here, but while I might be reading too much into the panel, the way Cass's shadow forms Bruce's symbol to me draws attention to the fact that Cass has two fathers, and just because one of them isn't a murderer doesn't mean he isn't also bad.
...
So yeah, this really is more or less the archetypal Cass Cain Batgirl (2000) issue. A somber, contemplative tone. Street level / no super-villains or over the top scenarios. A focus on the individual humanity of the minor characters, including criminals who would be faceless mooks in any other bat book. Story and characterization conveyed through expressive artwork and deliberate panel use rather than blunt narration, taking advantage of the specific strengths of the comic medium. Violence and action scenes sharp, short and snappy rather than heavily drawn out, with the main conflict grounded in personal and emotional stakes. Narrative themes - guilt, parenthood - that tie directly back to Cassandra's core themes, history, and character motivations. All concisely contained within a single issue episode that works as a stand alone story.
Although there might be a bit too much emphasis on the stand alone part. Sometimes Cass's stories do come back to be referenced again later, we'll have an example of that next week, but we never see Tim again, we never see Cass following up or checking on him which is kind of a shame.
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MOTH finale rambling: warning, this is long, and basically a brain dump. Proceed with caution
Oh gosh. I'm may not be physically crying, but mentally, I'm kind of numb. Not in a bad way, I want to be clear, this is just how I process certain types of emotional stories, and it may take some time for me to recover from the finale. Also the fact this is probably the first time my emotions have made me feel like I'm going to throw up, which is good in the sense that it means the storytelling was effective, but bad in the sense that I have emetophobia, the fear of vomiting, sooooo XP
If there was a word to describe the ending, it would be catharsis. Every character, both the speakers and the listeners, experience some form of catharsis, and get closure after all their trauma. Amazing storytelling.
I have so many thoughts, so many emotions, but I don't have the words to describe them (and I don't think *unholy bird screeches* count). There's so much to talk about...
The realization, adding from the previous episode, that Makkaro and Zed aren't that different. Both of their arcs revolve around them putting their respective listener on a pedestal, and all the harm that caused.
That the Guardian is GONE gone, and the effects that will have on the world. On one hand, the Guardian didn't do their job in the first place, mostly just staying alone in their arch angel until Zed showed up. But in the AU where the Guardian dies, it was stated how while magic doesn't go away, things start to feel less...magical, if the Guardian were to die. Does the Guardian leaving from the world in general mean the same thing? I'll guess we'll find out with Nosferatu (which took until actually spelling out the name to realize the importance of that name and its association with the original Dracula book. And since he was turned into a vampire... very clever!)
As much as I was hoping for Zed and the Guardian to end up together, it wasn't much of a shock when they didn't. Neither of them were ready for a relationship, and the Guardian just has too much emotional baggage to ever love again. And I'm glad it was Zed who did it; it really shows his character growth, his realization that it wouldn't be a fair or healthy relationship.
But my emotional juxtaposition:
*Darlings POV switching to Guardians POV*
Me: YES!!!!!
*Section titled "Shy Wizard let's you go")
Me: NO!!!!!!!
The title of the series being the title of (probably) Y'narri's favorite romance novel?!?! Genius! I'm also honestly glad that the meaning of Magic of the Heart wasn't the whole "you had the power inside yourself all along" type of story. Basically, that Zed would find the magic inside himself and then not be weak anymore, yada yada. I think it was only recently (probably within the last few years) I discovered how ableist that narrative can be. So having "Magic of the Heart" be about love, not "magic" magic, works a lot better.
Makkaro and Darlings ending was just beautiful! On one hand, it does kind of feel like Makkaro is getting off a bit too easily for murdering thousands (or had it gotten to millions?) of innocents. On the other hand, he did lose his necromancy, and had severe emotional trauma from the entire experience. But either way, I love how he and Darling are just gonna live happily together, and while they may be secluded/hidden from society, they finally get the peace they deserve.
Mini musical theater thoughts because of course my brain thinks about musicals; "That Would Be Enough" from Hamilton, Eliza's lines are so Darling coded
"I don't pretend to know, the challenges your facing,
The world's you keep erasing and creating in your mind.
But I'm not afraid,
I know who I married,
So long as you come home at the end of the day,
That would be enough."
And
"If I could grant you peace of mind,
If you could let me inside your heart.
...
Let this be the first chapter,
Where you decide to stay,
And I could be enough,
And we could be enough,
That would be enough."
I could probably write an essay about how Makkaro is both Hamilton and Burr, but nobody needs that.
The animation walk cycle at the end with the fanart?! It's basically an anime ending credits sequence, and I loved it! Magic of the Heart anime when?
On a lighter note, Zed calming himself down after going off about how the heck he was still alive, I couldn't relate more to him. That shock, the surprise, then mini celebration (and then realizing he was celebrating a bit too much); so relatable.
Now thoughts on the future: I am both nervous and excited to see what happens to Zed. I know if that he's gonna be more grown up in the future, he may lose being "shy," and "smol," which I selfishly don't want him to lose. To sum things up, my favorite male archetype is the nervous, shy, bumbling type; ever since my brain was able to accept that even as a female, I was allowed to have male favorite characters, that's always what I drifted to. Why? I don't know; probably something about vulnerability and having men not being jerks. It seems silly, but I struggle with characters changing (which is probably why my two favorite shows, The 7D and The Cuphead Show are my favorites; since they aren't crazy plot heavy and focus more on comedy, the characters are consistent). That's not to say I'm against character growth; I love character growth! And I want Zed to realize his own personal strengths and worth (which as we can see, the process has at the very least started). I don't know. While I hope Zed grows, I hope he's still, himself, for lack of a better term.
All in all, congrats GBA for an amazing series finale!!!!! And Im very excited for Gen 3!!!Apologies for this long ramble, for those who lasted this long
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The 8th Sense ep 8
Okay, okay, I'm braced for the pain. Lies that I tell myself.
We must find our other half
Yup... I'm okay. I'm totally fine.
Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl. I love you, but you need educating on this. They are fabulous, and that took a lot of work. I need a gif of them because hot damn. I need them to teach me how to do eye makeup.
Cyborg, "I still don't know what my usage is." "Why was I created?" Through the portrayal of a colorful psychiatric hospital, we can conclude that the message from the art director was: Psychiatric hospitals don't always have to be gloomy. It's okay to be colorful. Live the way you want.
It's like we are getting a message about both Jae Won and Ji Hyun mental state right now. Jae Won is questioning so much about himself right now, while Ji Hyun is hopeful. Who would have thought that Ji Hyun would turn into a sunshine character.
Aww, bless him, he said, please. 👀👀👀 Okay, they turned into an ass, but they still look fabulous.
Love these girls. "I thought she was throwing a one-person show." Oh, and look at sassy Ji Hyun!
GIFs from the lovely maxescheibechlinichacheli
This scene. Fuck me. And the cunt rolling her eyes!
No, he isn't going to forgive him because he is a jealous little boy. Yeah, and you'll be a victim the rest of your life. And so called gf is just keeping her mouth shut. Seriously, she slept with him.
Yes... This is really how I am like watching shows. Just ask some of the people who have watched them with me. @suga4mycoffee
Bestie doesn't realize that Jae Won is in self-destruction mode.
See, he isn't even trying, but here comes baby boy to his rescue. And we see the first signs of a real smile out of Jae Won as his baby talks. Look at this baby giving such a speech. Bless him.
Anybody else watched the two-year-old tantrum on repeat and clap? No, just me?
I'm getting so little joy. Just emotional damage. Let me enjoy what I can.
Baby boy all excited and happy for him. Jae Won just lets him walk away. Then baby boy sits there waiting on his call. Fuck!
Fucking sunshine baby, just texting away to no response. And don't get me wrong, I know that Jae Won is fucked in the head right now, but if you think that this won't have lasting effects on Ji Hyun. You haven't seen the effects of what ignoring can do. Generally, if this happens in a relationship, there will be serious clinging when rectified and a tendency towards stressing out.
"I knew you had a girl." Bestie was getting mad that he hadn't been told and took matters into his own hands. Don't let me down, bestie. Oh, fuck, but I love him!
"How can you keep this news from your best friend of 13 years!"
GIF by troubledmindzzz
Dude, I wish so much happiness on bestie. So much!
Ji Hyun, I'm gonna need you to take off those rose colored glasses. I adore that you know where Jae Won is coming from and will support. But ignoring your own feelings and emotional traumas from this is not good.
This is like saving someone who slid off a cliff, but your shoulder was pulled out of socket while doing so, and you just ignore the shoulder wound. It won't get better on its own! You can't ignore it!
I really love the bestie, though. Like so much. Somebody GIF them tapping coffee cups. I need these besties immortalized please!!!
Oh, there we go. When all is silent, and he is all alone, we see the peaks of his real emotions. Boiling just below the surface.
This cunt. He literally saved Jae Won from being expelled. If you really loved Jae Won, you'd be thanking Ji Hyun, but you don't give two shits about anyone but yourself. I love that Ji Hyun is giving it as good as he is getting it. YES!!!
I bet a bunch of people showed up at his work after her complaint. Nobody likes the bitch but boys who want her. Everyone else is like, if she doesn't go there, then that's where I want to be!
I love the boss.
GIF by ahsung
Fuck me, this scene!
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My thoughts on Silent Hill 2 remake
I’ve seen a lot of posts talking about Bloober Team and James himself and the more that I watch the trailers and look at the screenshots, I’ve come to realize that we haven’t even seen some of the other characters yet.
One thing that I think makes Silent Hill 2 so incredibly fascinating is its characters and how they emphasize the theme of the story so well. They go through such mental turmoil and we come to learn a lot about them. In many of the cases, what we learn about these characters is never outright said to us and these implications of these characters is what tells us their stories. These implications not only hammer in the theme of the story, but they also set the atmosphere and tone of the game. Descriptions on items like Angela’s knife and how James doesn’t “plan on using this as a weapon” giving us clues on not only Angela as a character, but James. Specifically his In Water ending.
Eddie’s story having hints throughout the entire game, including how and why he came to Silent Hill in the first place. The van cutscene at the beginning of the game and the van that’s shown in the playable first scene. His vomit scene and then the famous pizza scene in greater context when paired up with his dialogue about his physical appearance. His dialogue alone clues us in on his warped reality and mental state. In fact, Angela also has dialogue that clues us in on how the town of Silent Hill doesn’t look the same for both James and her. Once again, big world building and story implications.
The voice acting differences I don’t think will be too bad? However, of course, I will always prefer the original dream like delivery of lines. In the original, I think the line delivery actually adds more to the atmosphere and story if you like to pick apart every little detail ever, intentional or not. It gives the player even more insight into the characters we’re perceiving. Things like the tone shifts and hesitancy in Angela’s lines and the way that Eddie’s voice gives us the vibe that he’s playing dumb with us at times. James’ own dialogue in the first is a pretty damn good way to hammer in his head space, especially in the beginning and how that changes in the second half of the game. He feels so detached from himself, saying things like “I guess I don’t really care what happens to me”.
My point is, changing something in Silent Hill 2 can negatively affect how the story is perceived. Dialogue changes because of possible sanitization or just forgetting something entirely can negatively effect how nicely wrapped this game is. The interactive experience players have with it and how it effects the ending of their game.
We all know Bloober doesn’t have the greatest credibility when it comes to mental health matters in a video game but on the bright side, there are original members of the Silent Hill team working with them on the game. Plus, this isn’t like they’re making a brand new game with all new story. They are working with something that quite literally gives you all the pieces to recreate a gorgeous remake. I know some others are upset at the lighting and the super detailed graphics because they believe it takes away from the horror of the game, and yeah, I mean to an extent I agree. However I actually really like the intense graphics and it’s realness. It’s fresh, I love seeing how the world is reimagined in this way. It makes me feel like I can really be there, that Silent Hill is even more tangible of a place. I think the scares can still be pulled off in the graphics and polished environments that we’ve seen, and actually in some ways can enhance the terror. Art director and creature designer Masahiro Ito is working closely with the team from what I’ve read! This is amazing! This shows how graphic and even more intentional the designs for these monsters can be now! We’ve seen something really exciting, but pretty small as a detail. The ring indent on James’ finger. With detailed graphics, they’ll actually be able to add details that we weren’t able to get in the original. I’m so beyond excited for this alone!
I’m trying to genuinely have hope with the game because I love it so intensely, I don’t think it’ll be too bad. I love reading what other people have to say about it though, it’s just so interesting. What are your thoughts? Maybe things you’re excited for?
#silent hill#silent hill 2#silent hill 2 remake#silent hill series#konami#team silent#survival horror#horror games#horror#james sunderland#angela orosco#eddie dombrowski#masahiro ito
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looking out for you: act ii behind the scenes
just pretending like im on a talk show i am both the interviewer and the host <3
motivation for writing the lance and keith solo chapters
i've been raring to write the solo winter break chapters (i just called them the winter break interlude in my head for a bit) since september/october actually. i viewed it as my reward for finishing act ii 💀 not just because i love angst but also i love a good character study/character development heavy chapter and i really got to dig into each character and their home lives.
the foundation of this fic is entirely based on my dissatisfaction with how the show progressed and ended and subsequent self-indulgence— i've just been addressing a lot of the issues i had with vld. one such issue for me was the lack of in-depth character development. i enjoy a good romance as much as the next person but i really wanted to understand keith and lance as individuals who functioned outside of each other and the context of the group, and the solo chapters were a great writing exercise for me in terms of characterization and character-driven storytelling. so let's get into it baby!
lance's section (chapter 11) first.
we never got to see lance's growth as a character beyond "the dumb one" or the guy who cracks jokes for the sake of the team. the smaller vulnerable moments lance had, where he broke down and felt like he was useless and tried to leave the team or when he admitted he missed his family and Earth— they never got properly resolved. i think lance's identity as a 1.5 generation immigrant (immigrating to the States as a little kid) as well as his status as the youngest in a large family impacted his thought process and self-perception and i wanted to showcase that.
for children especially, immigration can be traumatic. i know "trauma" is an oversaturated buzzword used in pop psychology these days but i refer its definition as something established in one of my classes: "an event or series of events that is perceived as frightening, distressing, or life-threatening and has long-lasting effects on the survivor's emotional, social, mental, and physical processes." i imagine that for a 5-year-old lance, who has always been family-oriented and prone to bouts of homesickness, he experienced his immigration as traumatic when he had to leave behind everything he knew in cuba (his house, his friends, his neighbors, most of his family members) and start his life over in america. like, that's a LOT for anyone, let alone a little kid, to have to deal with. and that's where i extrapolated the notion that lance is afraid of being left behind— he didn't really have a choice in whether or not he got to leave cuba and so he's carried this fear that everyone in cuba will move on without him.
on top of that, i think lance acted as a sponge for his family's negative emotions related to immigration (stress, anxiety, sadness). that's partially where he developed the conception that he had to perform, to always be on and distract them from their negative feelings. ofc, it also doesn't help that as the youngest, he really has to jockey with his siblings for a Thing (i.e. Luis is the family man, Marco is the athlete, Veronica and Rachel are the career-driven women).
i knew from the get-go i was gonna make this bitch have daddy issues lol. first and foremost, i do not want to dismiss the very real fact that there are tons of immigrant parents who hold homophobic notions and ideals because that is 100% real. however, the way that it's portrayed in media can sometimes flatten a lot of the potential for a nuanced relationship. i'm not excusing homophobia by any means but i am coming from a place of engaged empathy. our parents are a product of a society and culture that has ingrained in them homophobic ideals and fucked notions of gender expression. it's difficult to break a way of thinking and acting when you've had that logic shoved down your throat since birth. i think there's a lot to be said on the concept of masculinity and the "strong silent immigrant parent," which i haven't seen much in the voltron fanfiction i've consumed. i wanted to craft a relationship between lance and his dad where it can be boiled down to: "your love hurts." their conversation at the end of chapter 11 is by no means fixing everything, but it's a step in the right direction.
i also just really love lance's relationship with his siblings. i'm the oldest so it was a fun exercise to just see how lance interacts with his siblings as the youngest. also that's not the last you'll be seeing of the McClan in this fic......
let's talk about the keith section:
ok first, we've been able to view shiro from keith, lance, and adam's pov thus far. the thing is, though, is that lance still kind of views shiro as his idol/someone he's looked up to, and i wrote adam's pov primarily so the audience could view klance as a unit. shiro's character felt a little flat, and that was kind of on purpose thus far. keith and shiro are obviously incredibly close since they're brothers in this universe, but there's been an underlying tension so far because keith feels distant from shiro and i wanted to address that finally.
i think it's a natural thing for relationships to change once people hit college/move out. keith's mom left when he was a kid and his dad died and he bounced from foster home to foster home so ofc he's going to develop a huge complex about forming attachments to other people. i think it makes sense that one of keith's biggest fears is that shiro will leave him or grow tired of him, which obvi isn't true, but when you get in your head about something, after years of trauma and reinforcement of a spiral of bad thoughts, it's hard to get out of it. so keith's chapter was kind of confronting this idea that he deserves good, and that he might be good, and maybe he should stop running and learn to accept that he is loved.
i'm sure y'all have picked up on the whole thing i have for keith about showing the evolution of his willingness to be vulnerable and open up through cooking. at the end of keith's chapter, he is making kimchi fried rice with akemi which holds a lot of nuance.
1) keith is slowly but surely exploring his own heritage. (i know i haven't touched on keith's korean identity in a bit but dw that's coming in later chapters). fried rice isn't an entirely new concept to him bc he was raised in a japanese household (and also just exists in the world) but he's embracing positive change within himself and even initiating it himself by trying out a korean recipe, using kimchi, a korean food
2) not only is he trying out a korean recipe, he felt safe enough to attempt it for the first time at college, in a shared house with all his friends, and even served it to them, which is a HUGE step in his willingness to be perceived.
3) he is sharing this recipe with akemi, his japanese kind-of mom. it's the fact that cooking is kind of a love language for keith and akemi, and he wants to share something he's found for himself, away from the texas house, and integrated it into his old life, mixing what he knew with what he knows now.
akemi, who has shared her own recipes she learned from her family with keith and took on the role of teacher, is now the student. she's learning a recipe from keith and engaging in his explorations of his koreanness through cooking. and keith is sharing his culture with her because he tried it on his own with his own little found family, like "hey look at this thing i tried out for myself can i share it with you?"
tl;dr for chapters 11 and 12
i wanted to use the solo chapters as ways to show how lance and keith react to change— the ways they view it and the reasons they fear it. it can be boiled down to this:
lance: i am afraid of being left behind and i wish things would stay the same so i do not have to address the fear of being left behind because that implies i am not good enough for someone to stay for.
keith: nothing has ever stayed the same for me and i am afraid of getting comfortable in the love that my community has for me because that could all be ripped away at a moment's notice. i will leave first as an act of self preservation.
allura 💖🧚🏿♀️🥰
i love you allura!!!! i got to have keith and lance each have a little moment with our fave princess because 1) keith and allura didn't interact a lot in this supposed found family in the canon other than when allura found out keith was galra and 2) i really liked the friendship between lance and allura in seasons 3-4 and i wish there were more moments like that. i think keith and allura could both connect more on grief and heritage since they both lost their parents, bridges to their respective cultures (keith korean, and allura jamaican). that little moment in ch 6 between both of them was very special for me as well— as an adoptee, i felt disconnected from a lot of traditions and holidays and foods that were a part of my birth culture but i didn't have anyone to celebrate it with. having keith and allura kind of discuss that together was not only a great character development moment but also was me projecting a lil 😗
side note: allura saying goodnight to keith in chapter 8 after halloweekend shenanigans parallels chapter 2, when they're outside the bathroom and she goes to touch his shoulder but he ducks away. i thought it'd be a nice little easter egg to show the progression of their friendship— in chapter 8, keith lets allura touch him and affirm their status as friends who have fun together.
i like lotor as a character but i had to nerf him a bit in this fic in regards to his relationship with allura. i think allura's relationship with lotor adds to her depth as a character— she's seen as the strong girlboss who doesn't take shit but hinting at her toxic relationship and portraying its affects was important to me. yes, allura is a badass but also she is not immune to shitty stuff, and even the most badass of people can get into bad situations. it doesn't make them weak, it just makes them human. i wanted lance, who def has this image of allura that's different from reality, to kind of find allura in this vulnerable moment and 1) realize that she's a person first and foremost, not an infallible goddess and 2) comfort her wholeheartedly because lance, to his core, is a very kind person and even when drunk, he's going to try and find the right words to say.
allura is a side character in all of this but i wanted to give her some complexity as well, since lance hangs out a lot with hunk and pidge and keith is closer with shiro and adam.
ch 9 klance development
ok look everything everywhere all at once left a fucking imprint on my brain when i saw it. "in another life i would have liked just doing laundry and taxes with you" ok stab me in the gut. that being said, i know i really wanted to give klance a moment to just be friends who run domestic errands together, to start nudging them in a direction where they're both like, "hey i kinda enjoy hanging out with this person one-on-one, and im comfortable enough to feel like i dont have to perform in front of them." klance just being domestic and folding laundry together at a laundromat and sharing airpods askgjakdjghlkadjfhgadf.
i also wanted to include the little adam and lance moment toward the end, because let's face it, adam would have absolutely adored lance (i say from the 2 minutes of screentime canon adam w got). lance has hunk and pidge and he's friends with allura but i wanted to give him someone to look up to and rely on the way keith has shiro. esp since lance is the youngest and away from home— adam probably reminds him more of his siblings initially, because lance has a more grounded perspective of adam than shiro, who's a microniche celebrity.
about the beach episode
i love beach filler episodes so fucking much. it's just a great time to get the ensemble out of the typical college setting and see how they function as a unit in a different environment. from the car rides, to stopping for food at some dingy ass fast food chain, to fucking around on the beach and chasing birds and sharing lunch ugh i love it so much it was lovely to write. mirroring adashi's relationship development with klance's was fun, i've had that idea in my head for awhile now so it was gratifying to see it come to fruition. i knew that i would have lance realize he liked keith first simply because keith takes a bit to process his emotions. dw this isn't gonna be some one-sided, drawn out pining for too long.
this beach chapter was a way for me to simultaneously reflect on how things have progressed with klance's relationships. not just with each other, but the rest of the group as well. i wanted them to have gotten a natural dynamic where they're all close enough to go on a beach trip and just fuck around and be normal college kids taking a break for finals. it also allowed me to plant the seeds for further klance development, as well as hint at the central conflict that would follow lance in chapter 11. chapter 10 was a great wrap up for the overall dynamic of the group and a way to end the fall semester.
what was it like to write in adam's pov?
that was so much fucking fun ahhhhh. for one reason, klance aren't together yet and i wanted. to write. domestic bliss. second, it's a great narrative tool to kind of zoom out a bit when viewing klance. we can see how the boys interact in a group setting from an outsider's perspective, without all the gay panic or inner monologues, as fun as they are to write. they just exist as they are, and adam takes note of it. third, i love adam and the potential of adashi and i am so so so sad that adam got killed off after less than 90 seconds of screentime. nothing against curtis, but i've just been more attached to adam since his character was revealed in the show (even if it wasn't for long). shiro deserves a loving partner and healthy relationship and i think adashi are so fucking cute. and yeah, i'm paralleling adashi's relationship development with klance, i just couldn't fucking resist.
when tf are lance and keith gonna get together?
LMAO yeah i knew this was gonna be a slowburn but damn i really am drawing it out. i do want to follow a somewhat logical progression and pacing, though. act i was building klance up as people who could find some common ground and humanize each other instead of just butting heads. act ii has been following the development of their friendship and planting the seeds for romantic attraction, as you might have seen from chapter 10. dw, there is a spike in the klance development in act iii as i focus on their navigation as a couple, and as y'all know, i already wrote the confession scene. it's coming!!!! soon!!!!!!!
multilingualism as a plot device
i've talked about it before but i love!!!! using language as a plot device to demonstrate a character's personality/development/interpersonal relationship!!!
i'm not a fluent speaker in any of the languages that have appeared or been mentioned in this fic (spanish, japanese, korean, jamaican creole, tagalog). i've studied most of them lackadaisically and i'm sort of fuzzy on grammar and cultural nuance. i've been consulting with actual native speakers of these languages to try and make it as authentic as possible but ofc, if you do speak those languages and something sticks out with the translations, please let me know!
i studied spanish in high school, but it was a mix of mexican and castillian spanish because i had different teachers between the years. diving into cuban spanish, which is an entirely different dialect because of its history in the caribbean, has been really fun (and also a lot of work my god i haven't had to bust out my spanish in years). learning all the different curses has been sooooo cool, i love profanity in other languages.
that being said, i think it's really interesting when writing from keith's pov and incorporating language. i have this idea that when keith first moved in with the shiroganes, akemi and shiro tried to encourage him to go to korean school but he probably got embarrassed because he was put with a bunch of little kids due to his speaking ability and stopped going.
the linguistic and cultural barrier was fun to craft between keith and akemi because when they first met each other, keith probably spoke 0 japanese and akemi was more comfortable in japanese and less in english. from the flashback in chapter 12, we see that keith has already been studying hard to work to a conversational level of japanese, and he can understand basic phrases (akemi tries to accommodate him as well). even so, keith still uses 丁寧語 or teneigo, the standard level of politeness for japanese, when he's speaking with akemi. it shows that even though he's progressed in his japanese, he still puts some distance between him and akemi, like he sees himself as a long-term houseguest. ofc there's layers of respect that are interlaced with teneigo, but close family units don't use teneigo when they speak to each other.
this has been a disorganized and rambling behind the scenes of looking out for you act ii. thanks for tuning in and see y'all next time <3
#ao3 fanfic#voltron legendary defender#klance#college au#keith kogane#lance mcclain#takashi shirogane#adam voltron#hunk garrett#pidge holt#allura vld#adashi#behind the scenes
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RWBY V9, Episode 1: Liveblog Thoughts
This is the curse of long hiatuses, isn’t it? Back at the end of V8, I was like “I’m done. I hated the ending, the entire volume felt poorly done and uncomfortable, most of the characters I still care about are either dead or side characters, there’s no reason for me to watch V9, especially if we don’t see Vacuo.” But here I am, dragged back in by the separation of two years. The salt in the wound has stopped stinging quite so bad, and morbid curiosity has taken hold.
Against my own better judgement - pulls out the pirate hat - let’s take a look.
-Opening the volume with the narration from the teaser trailer, a voice we don’t know, is a choice.
-Close up of Blake does absolutely no favors to the models, I’m sorry
- Little would be a lot cuter if they couldn’t talk, but that would be inconvenient
-I know people have mentioned this before about the rain starting exactly when Ruby starts to cry, but it also stops when she stops crying, which is more evidence in the direction of Ruby effecting the weather. I am starting to hedge towards the island being connected to Ruby’s emotional state myself, but that would only be satisfying if the island is of Ruby’s own creation in her head, a delusion she’s made while falling to mentally process the fall. Otherwise, why would this other dimension island be connected to Ruby of all people?
-Blake and Weiss! Acknowledging the weirdness of them finding each doesn’t make the weridness go away, but since it’s whacko world where the laws of space don’t seem to work, I’ll allow it.
-And, uh, the vine scene is utterly pathetic. I get they’re exhausted, they can’t just burn the place down, but seriously? Weiss can create platforms, there’s no need for this reach down from the tree gag, Weiss is not the cheerleader type so that’s just jarring as hell, Weiss can also summon her knight to cut the vines for her or a flying Grimm to get them overhead - there’s a lot of smarter ways to go about this that doesn’t make our heroes look weak. Now, maybe they’re out of Aura still and exhausted from the fall. Okay, that makes sense - but it would also make sense for them to rest and regain their Aura and Semblances before attempting to retrieve Gambel Shroud and find the others.
-Laying on the “what is your purpose” theming very heavy
- “I don’t know if anyone else fell” I mean, a bunch of civilians got knocked in by Cinder, but I suppose they could be dead.
-Should have paid more attention in that hand-to-hand arc, Ruby. This creature though actually looks really cool, I do like its design and the twitching effect. Kind of a Grimm, but not. But... it wasn’t doing anything to them. Why immediately attack?
-And Yang’s here! That was fast. And apparently she fought the thing off and then decided to track it down to finish the fight? Okay... seems like a waste of energy if it had already left, but whatever. In character enough.
-”Damn it. You weren’t supposed to be here.” Okay, that’s a good line. I really like that and the delivery.
-”if you didn’t think we’d come after you” - you didn’t. You got thrown in, Ruby.
-”What is that?” The skull beast thing was already talking, Yang, why does this surprise you?
-Cat pounce. Thought they’d go for a kiss, but that probably wouldn’t jive right with the pacing of the episode. We should get a kiss this volume, but I can see them waiting for either a moment when the two are alone, or a moment where they can build it up without immediately cutting to exposition.
-Ruby black out. I’m surprised her eyes didn’t activate, an instinctual lashing out like they did with Pyrrha. Ah well.
- Y: ”How are you feeling” R: Dodge roll!
- “Maybe we’re dead... I thought I was.” I mean, that would be more interesting, fighting their way outta hell, but unlikely.
- “I think we’re in a fairy tale” Not mutually exclusive, but okay. I’m going to assume that all these realms (that are so neatly sectioned off) are going to be Remnant fairy tale settings that Blake’s read over the years, which would indicate there is a way out.
-OP - chaotic, doing the progression of character thing V7 did and really hammering in the “Ruby’s really not feeling it”. Jaune is in the OP, but I believe only two or three times, and never with t!RWBY, which could either be a good or bad sign. None of the girls saw him fall, either, so they’re not expecting to look for him. Also, no hint of Vacuo anywhere in the OP, so odds are we’re staying here for the entire volume, or at least until the last episode where we’ll probably get a stinger for V10.
-New girl - Alice? I’m not sure why they bothered to hide her features for so long only to reveal them at the end. There’s also a shadow of a boy with glasses behind her in her portrait, so either another faller or maybe a denizen?
-Credits - “Jabberwalker” NOOOOOOOO, my snake dragon monstrosity jabberwocky T-T But if that poem’s on the table, I expect we may see some juju birds and bandersnatches (assuming that we haven’t already with the spoonbill and the thing that took Yang’s arm)
Overall? Not the worst episode of RWBY, but it just felt very... unpolished. The background animations have gotten a bit better, less unfinished (though still jarring in their vibrancy though at least that’s on purpose), but some of the dialogue and pacing feels like it was a first draft that never got refined. Like “Weiss and Blake find Gambel Shroud in vines that trap them as they try to get it out” was written, but wasn’t expanded upon in the individual actions, so you get some gestures at getting it out without any smarter actions that require effort in thought, and some of the emotional shifts felt jarring. For example, like the script said “Turn to Weiss, Weiss is crying”, and in the actual episode they click the emotion into place instead of giving Weiss a few moments to express that slip into despair. Just a few extra moments of Weiss’s face crumbling, her voice cracking, would have sold the emotion more, and there’s a couple moments like this, particularly when they go for humor. Speaking of, the comedy attempts were also not appreciated. Levity isn’t really something the show needs at this moment, and none of the jokes land. I don’t find Ruby screaming at a mouse or mice reacting in terror to Blake to be funny, and I can see the “Oh my God, this is so weird and strange” reactions getting old if it carries on for too long. I haven’t found RWBY funny for a few years now, though, so it’s not really surprising.
Score that’s mostly arbitrary and will probably forget to keep doing: 5.5/10.
Perfectly functional, not a pain to watch or boring, but lacking anything that really makes me enjoy it enough to rewatch or recommend. 0.5 points for Yang’s “You weren’t supposed to be here” line alone.
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hear me out…
even before fourth year, scorpius had some mental health problems. just imagine what life would’ve been like for him after everything went down.
so it’s very clear that he does have anxiety and social anxiety and is most likely neurodivergent. personally, i think he has adhd.
surely, after everything that’s happened, there has to be some kind of trauma he’s left to deal with, and there are certain coping mechanisms he’s picked up along the way.
first of all, there’s no doubt in my mind that he has ptsd. he’s been through a hell of a lot - he erased his best friend from reality, and although only for a moment, he was physically abused by his father in the alternate reality. and of course we can’t forget that he almost had his soul sucked out by a dementor.
also, i think there’s a chance he might have DID. this is because he’s experienced himself living two different lives with totally different people surrounding him. he saw himself in a different way. i feel like this would’ve stuck with him and he can sometimes interchange into this person he once lived as. although not an entirely different person, scorpius from the alternate reality could be seen as his alter.
this one could be as well as or instead of having DID, but i could also seeing have something like schizophrenia. i could imagine him hearing his father’s voice from the alternate reality saying he ‘disgraced the malfoy name’ and he might hallucinate being back in the alternate reality, the dementor that tried to suck out his soul and maybe even delphini.
- the story -
tw: alcoholism, self harm, mention of bullying, mention of death, relapsing, hospital, TRAUMA.
let’s say he does have all these things, and let’s say it’s been two years since astoria died. he and draco are both having a terrible day and only speak to each other when they go to visit her grave. they sit there and cry and hug for a while before going back inside.
about an hour later, draco says he wants to go for a walk to clear his head. scorpius decides to stay home and watch some old tapes of her and draco when they were younger.
draco leaves scorpius alone to watch the tapes, and scorpius gets sad after seeing her face on this day. he has a thought - sometimes albus uses alcohol to get rid of his troubles, maybe it’ll work for me too.
so, scorpius goes down to the liquor cabinet in the basement and grabs a bottle of his fathers strongest vodka. he takes a swig and his face scrunches up in disgust - how do people drink this stuff?
what albus failed to mention to scorpius was:
1) vodka isn’t usually had on its own - you’re meant to mix it with something e.g. lemonade
2) DONT DRINK TOO MUCH.
he downs the whole bottle and feels like he’s drifted away from his body - it’s nice. without thinking, grabs another bottle and cracks it open. he drinks half of that one when he hears his dad come home.
scorpius clears away the evidence (yes he manages to do this even though he’s extremely drunk) and he runs/stumbles up to his room, pretending to be asleep. draco never finds out about the vodka.
alcohol slowly becomes a more and more frequent coping mechanism for scorpius. when he hears things, or sees things, or is just feeling downright depressed, he goes to the liquor cabinet for comfort.
this goes on with no one apart from lily-luna finding out (i headcanon them as being really good friends when him and albus start dating) and the time rolls around when it’s three years since astoria’s death.
with all of the added stress of his mental state and the effects the alcohol is having on him, scorpius finally has one huge breakdown.
the same as last year, he expected his father to go out on a walk and get some fresh air. then, he can go down to the basement and get the alcohol. but this year, draco wants to be there for his son.
scorpius is frustrated by this, but says nothing. draco sees that scorpius seems distant and decides to go out on a walk for an hour. draco tells scorpius this and he seems a little too happy about being left alone. so, he does leave, for about 30 minutes.
scorpius, thinking he has a lot more time than this, goes straight downstairs and cracks open way more bottles than he ever has before. he manages to have 5 bottles of beer and about 3/4 of a bottle of vodka. straight.
draco unlocks the door carefully and hears crying from the basement. he doesn’t want to startle scorpius, so he creeps down slowly to get a better look at what the situation is before he acts.
what he sees terrifies him. he sees scorpius, sitting on the floor, surrounded by smashed bits of glass (from the alcohol bottles), a large piece of glass in his hand, blood dripping from his wrists.
scorpius is used to some lows. his lows from alcohol had never been that bad, but he’d kind of experienced them before. this time, his low state was out of control.
he’d smashed the bottles in rage and he’d accidentally gotten a cut on his wrist. he was worried at first, but the feeling grew nice as the blood ran down his skin.
so, he wanted more of that feeling. he’d picked up a large shard of glass and brought it to his wrist (that’s all im saying because i know this stuff can be triggering).
draco is stunned and has no idea what to do. there are tears streaming down scorpius’s face and he’s thrashing his arms about the place, blood splattering over the room.
all he does in the end is he cradles the drunken scorpius in his arms and gives him the affection he clearly needs. draco eventually decides that he needs to call an ambulance, because the bleeding has gotten worse.
scorpius is taken to st mungo’s, where he is put in a medically induced coma to help heal the cuts and the affects of the alcohol. he wakes up a week later, his father beside him.
scorpius hugs draco tightly and finally tells him everything that’s been going on for the past year. draco feels awful that he didn’t realise anything was wrong, but scorpius tries to make him feel better by saying that only lily figured it out, and that’s just because he let it slip when they were hanging at the train station late at night.
he explains that lily tried to stop him drinking, and it did work for a while, but things got too much when the bullying got worse and exams were building up pressure on him. lily never knew about his relapse until he was brought into the hospital.
together scorpius, draco, albus, lily and rose all do everything they can to get scorpius off of the alcohol. he does relapse a couple times, but there weren’t any more serious situations.
albus and scorpius get engaged only a few years later, and that’s when scorpius quits drinking for good. and then they all live happily ever after <3
#albus potter#scorpius malfoy#scorpion king#schizophrenia#anxiety#social anxiety#relapse#did#ptsd#adhd#albus x scorpius#scorbus#draco malfoy#astoria malfoy#drastoria#cursed child#the cursed child#delphini riddle#harry potter#harry potter next gen#hp next gen#headcanon#alternate reality#dementor#scor#ginny weasley#delphi riddle#slytherin#hogwarts#lily luna potter
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ok so i stopped thinkijg for abt 15 mins and when i actually looked what i wad doing i looked at this and like. its ok i guess. not my best informative writing, its full of rambling and is unedited.
PE
I, personally, hate PE classes at school. It left many mental scars on me, espicially with how i had really bad asthma when i was little, and wasnt at all interested in sport (i dont even watch them!). A bit ago, i wondererd; why WAS PE so horribke? why was it mentally scarring? and was sent down a rabbithoke. I started with a simple search, and ended uo starting an essay in my phone notes.
The thing about PE is that everyone, regardless of ability, is grouped together and taught together. They are all taught the same stuff, at the same time. This means the students who know what theyre doing are bored out if their minds, and thise who dont and confused. The bored students need something to take their anger out on, and whi else than who they percivw to be causing thwir pain? Especially in team sports. If one person messes up, the whole team gows down. I was often the person who messed up, with how i just wasnt a fan of sports to begin with, and then my asthma, and more recently my knees just stopped. Being in that position, often tomes alone, because teachers are so persistent on taking you out of groups with your friends so you can “make new friends!” is horrible. Humilation, plus the need to please others, plus plus the feeling that its your fault.
And the humiliation. Dont gwt me started on the humilation. A Quora user stated if you mess up in maths, your showed where yoru wrong, and given a chance to improve. In PE, if you mess up, your publicly humiliated in front of your classmates.And theyre right. If, and when, you inevitably mess uo, people will laugh, and it’s ENCOURAGED. If every subject were taught like PE, everyone would HATE every subject. But only PE is where its ok to humiliate others.
Humilation doesnt just happen in team sports thiugh, it happens when your forced to be independent. Standinf in front of the class, forced to do something your horrible at, ithers are good at, with NO PRACTISE. These kinds of situations, for thise who are bad at PE, are likely why i tried to NOT get my knee better. Because sitting on the sidelines, being called crippled and lazy, was better then PE. Being literally bullied was better then PE. Being. Bullied. Was. Better. Than. PE. Let that sink in. Because bullying was something that didnt mean everyone was watching.
( This here is where i meant to write mkre, bjt im too tired so hust have some articles)
https://amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2008/sep/25/youngpeople.youthjustice
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-free-discipline/201506/the-psychological-effects-shaming-children?amp (tw sui mention)
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1477878518817377
https://www.livescience.com/20314-embarrassing-punishments-children-discipline.html
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CutCat’s ATLA Takes
Here I am, jotting them down before doing a series rewatch. This is gonna be a bit disorganised, so beware!
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First I guess I oughta put a quick disclaimer in that Zuko is one’a my biggest Blorbos, comparible with Son Goku! ...so like, you may notice me focusing more on him than other characters or topics or whatever lol
Also I am Not interested in the Comics or Korra series...s. The former for writing that is plain ass bad, and the latter for changing so much of the setting (not for better) and uhm, also less than good writing. If I want bad takes on Communism and Anarchy I can just go look at Twitter or some rubbish. Also I know Kyoshi novels exist. I’m just talking about the OG show, even if select pinpoints of the subsidiary installments have good moments.
This got PRETTY LONG and ain’t particularly coherent, so I’ll put a Cut in here ;3
Overall Show:
Not gonna lie, some’a the Book 1 eps get pretty throughly memoryholed, even what happens in the first two! They ain’t bad, but it does take The Storm for the series to really hit its stride with the delish Backstories.
Following that solid W of an ep is The Blue Spirit, and this is actually one of the best in the entire show. Seems they initially wrote it like it was a season finale to get more eps approved, and it worked! lol
I dig that all the characters get some character focus and growth even early on
...I’m mixed on my stance on Aang’s crush on Katara. If it was a one sided thing that started off quite strong and then de-intensified over the series, I’d find it very cute and endearing. But that sure ain’t the course they took lol, but I guess I’ll sum my thoughts on shipping in its own section later.
The real highlights of S1 are in The Storm, The Blue Spirit, The Northern Water Tribe and the Siege of the North 2-parter. All these have a lot of Zuko, fancy that XD
Also I like how early it’s set up how Built Different he is, especially them last three eps. Dude gets blown up, swim through long underwater tunnels in freezing water, barely wins a fight, treks out into the arctic, gets 1-shot in a fight, and THEN starts another fight, this time with Zhao. His only true weakness really is his mental state and lack of planning, innit!
Book 2 overall kinda bothers me. Objectively it has some of the strongest points, but so much of it feels like it’s dark and dingy or really damn slow to get moving.
Strongest points are of course Toph’s entire existence, the zigzags of Zuko’s arc, and Azula’s anatagonistic omnipresence
The rest of it, myeah... while it’s more focused on a through line plot, it feels a bit monotone until The Library and eventually The Guru and Crossroads
Zuko Alone might be the GOAT episode. It’s not my favourite but DAMN it is firing on all cylinders!!!
I also like Bitter Work a lot. Gotta eat up more Parallels Episodes, babes!
The “Brainwashing” / Sleeper Agents thing feels OP. I get ya need an antagonistic force different to the Fire Nation but myeahhh... not convincing me
But yeah, then there’s Zuko’s continued character thread with the Angst Coma and the dreams and then the REALLY WEIRD turn of him being all smiley and optimistic. It always felt really fake and non-Zuko-esque to me, but I can ‘get’ that given he’s trying hard to shift gears from the status quo of before, overcompensating in the process. What’s odder still is that Iroh doesn’t seem to question it...
Like, sure, he wants to settle down and Tea Shop it up, but even if he could get Zuko to stop pining for the position in the Royal Family, does he honestly believe a day of fever dreams will have had such a profound effect last longer than a few days of re-settling? Zuko’s actions feel like someone having decided to turn their entire life around starting tomorrow and then swiftly burning out as change is a slow and gradual process in reality, and shouldn’t be forced.
So what I think is going on is Iroh himself having become blinded by what he wants, rather than a more realistic outcome. And that could be fab gear writing! A reminder that Iroh too is not immune to bias and oversights, and is indeed a human who sometimes Dun Goofs. If it is what’s intended rather than lazier writing lol
Also yeah, Zuko’s almost- side switching, I’ll save that for later ;3
Book 3 is both a high point but again there’s some episodes that are pretty lame or have less to offer, but I feel more forgiving of this one as sooo much juicy Plot stuff actually unfolds~
Again it takes the Main Plot stepping up for the quality to rise with the Day of Black Sun, and then the episodes after all feature the long-awaited Redeemed Zuko, and those times ae Gooooooood
The stupidest moment I have to complain about though, in the DoBS, is when Azula “proves” she’s an expert liar by... saying she’s a giant purple bear thing? That’s not lying, it’s absurdism, and it’s incredibly easy to say dumb shit like that without any “lying tells” that polygraphs or Toph look for (keep in mind that irl Polygraphs actually suck, they’re a Stress detector but lying doesn’t always stress liars out... LIKE AZULA, but even the biggest ball of anxiety could say “Yeah I’m Barney the Dinosaur” without triggering anything. GRAAAAAGH)
Back on track, my only complaint with Zuko joining so late is that I want mooooore, all the eps with the ‘field trips’ are such fun AND such Character Building
Ember Island Players was a great ep, though I don’t need to see the closing scene used to draw comparisons to the live action movie any more. It’s been like 500 times.
I DON’T THINK AANG SHOULD HAVE KILLED OZAI
That would be proving Ozai’s point that Might makes Right, which of course is WRONG
The show has been leading up to non-lethal ethos
Taking Ozai’s bending is a good out.
BUT. Holy shit they fumbled the ball bad
Energybending has ZERO build up or allusions even when there were chances to sneak it in, like The Library or The Guru
Commenting on a picture of a Lion Turtle and having Lion Turtle background sculptures DOESN’T CUT IT
Because that is ALL we get!!
At least have the Lion Turtle picture say “They’re so ancient they’re rumoured to pre-date Bending” or something to hook interest in
And the Guru coulda been a great way to drop the 5th Element lore in
But they waste all chances they had to set it up despite claiming they knew from the beginning that there would be a peaceful out
The Rock unblocking Aang’s chakra is also pretty bad, but I’m more inclined to forgive a moment of luck if the Energybending wasn’t so bogus
But it could be improved if Aang like, deliberately earthbent the Rock and then used it as acupressure
Both the Energybending and Convenient Rock make Aang’s victory feel less earned, which is a huge shame as we’ve seen him actually try soooo much. But alas, that last hurdle and they resort to lazy ass writing
The lst Agni Kai rules though. It’s beautiful and tragic, showing how much Zuko has grown and Azula fell. And Katara’s finishing the fight so effectively is bodacious and actually feels really smart~
WHERE IS IROH AT THE CORONATION??!?!
The end is a cute scene that is then strangled by the Red String lol, but damn, what a cool ass show
Characters:
Aang: He’s a cute protagonist, I’ve always liked the Cheerful and Highly Powerful archetype (cough cough Son Goku), though Aang is also heavily defined by his childishness, both a strength and a flaw. As much as I enjoy him, unfortunately I think he got a bit of the short end of the stick writing-wise, he can feel a bit Flat and, worse, like Bryke’s Pet. They lean too hard on letting him get what he wants, and we miss out of the development that coulda followed if the story didn’t twist itself to give him outs. Not unlocking his Chakras properly for selfish reasons should be punished. Finding an alternative to Murder should have had him Proactive. Not getting the Girl would have been a lot more realistic...! See the Shipping section for the latter...
Zuko: Holy rigatoni, man. Zuko is the bar by which Enemies to Friends, Redemption Arcs, Anti-Villains AND Anti-Heroes are all measured. His character has so much incredible nuance!! And yeah, maybe I too am weak to the dark and handsome and yet dorky type’a fella ;3c - I’m in the kinda situation right now where I find it hard to actually phrase everything I dig about him, but that’s from having too many thoughts and they all get crammed in the doorway between my brain and ability to type lmaooo
Katara: This girl is another high water mark (pun unintended) for how to Female Character. She’s the designated Mom of the team, but she ain’t defined by it, also being one’a the most capable fighters, having a hot temper and even a mean streak. It would really suck if she had just been written primarily to Love Interest (as the early drafts seem to imply...), but in the show, she has her own agency and goals that compliment the main quest, and she manages to be both a stable grounding force while having plenty of growth of her own.
Sokka: Again, I really wonder how it woulda turned out if the original plan had been followed; in Sokka’s case he was s’pposed to be the serious, stiffer contrast to Zany Playful Aang and Wide-Eyed Idealist Katara. But his VA is very naturally Funny, and so Sokka as we know him is a bodacious blend of Wacky yet also Level Headed. It’s an odd blend and many have tried and failed to replicate this delicate balance, but Sokka does indeed feel like a real person who seamlessly switches between being the group’s eccentric and also the one making all the plans.
Toph: ANOTHER amazing W for Girl Characters, Toph is such a delight and welcome shaking-up of the existing dynamics. She’s pretty consistently one of the most amusing and Real of the crew, while hilariously OP without it feeling cheap. It’s so weird to think she wasn’t in Book 1 at all, cause once she joins you sure as hell can’t imagine her being absent.
Iroh: Everybody loves this dude, and they’re right! What can I say about him that ain’t already been covered?? Maybe just that I do like that, as wise and benevolent as he is, there are still times where he’s allowed to be wrong or short sighted (see: my previous ramblings about Zuko’s very-un-Zuko behaviour), cause it allows him to feel more Real, and Human. That he’s speaking from experience and not from reading the script. That’s dope, man.
Azula: This is hard... I feel Azula is a massively polarising character, many people enjoy her but there’s too many people who either want to pretend she didn’t do horrible things, too many people who forget she’s also a victim, AND too many people who are just blindly like ‘woo, yeah! What a #Girlboss! Azula’s so cool and automatically wins at whatever”. Like, she’s one of the more nuanced characters but the surface level is indeed of hyper competence, it’s what’s below that veneer which is interesting. I kinda feel like more people oughta talk about the moment where she looks pleased, almost triumphant at Zuko being maimed...
And the rest: Oh god, I can’t talk about every semi-developed character as there’s a lot. Sorry Suki. You’re cool too! But most characters who appear in more that one episode see to be written pretty good, again, like People, rather than just plot devices in human skin. I like that.
...
Shipping:
lol. I think the BEST route would have been to not ‘canonise’ any ships of the ragtag group of kids and teenagers. Alas, we don’t live in that timeline and have dumb ass wars over it. Anyway, here’s my hot take:
Kaatang, while foreshadowed early on from Aang’s side, is a really lame route as Katara seems to have to loose her actual personality for it to work. Also, it jars with Aang’s role as both Avatar (while they’re allowed to Get Freaky, he was s’posed to be able to detach from Earthly attachments to gain the Avatar Powers), and as a totally-not-Buddist Monk, who are NOT allowed to get bizzay. So Aang too loses insteresting notions of Duty and being able to Mature cause he just gets what he wants without having to try. Lame.
Katara doesn’t have many moments where she even looks at Aang as something other than a Friend / Little Brother / Son?? type figure, there’s only brief moments where there is potential moments from her side, and they are far between and seldom deeper than her chemistry with the likes of Jet and Haru. The most I can speak for is the Day of Black Sun, where she’s taken aback by Aang planting one on her, but when he directly and Un-Classy-ly brings it back up in the Ember Island Players, she is quite rightly reserved and when he kisses her again without warning she’s angry! And that’s never resolved!! They just Mandatory Ship them together in the end because Bryke are biased and soooo intent of having their ship even though the writing hasn’t sufficiently built up to it. I don’t dig this, baby!
Maiko is also badly written and the comics make Mai unlikable. [slow sarcastic clapping]
So the ships I do like are:
Zutura - THEMATIC PERFECTION and not because of the red and blue, fire and water juxtaposition, but because Katara and Zuko are fundamentally so similar but coming from opposite sides and thus approaches. Both so kind at their cores but quick to anger or do something stupid on impulse, both so affected by the loss of their mothers and family-motivated. The fake out in Crossroads introduces a fascinating extra crease to their interactions that lasts, and the finale?? HELLO?!?! That’s legit one’a the most compelling Ship Fuel moments ever, baybeee! Other serieses would knaw off their own leg for material that rich!
Also yes, the red/blue, sun/moon, fire/water, and that they are pretty together lol. But still, there’s more in how they are a fantastic combo when on the same side, and also the meta reality that several writers and their own Voice Actors ship it. And they’re right to!
Zukka - The new darling of the fandom and while it doesn’t have as much going for it, I can see it. At it’s worst it feels like people desperately trying to rationalise the red/blue guys from Failtron Legendary Idiot Space Show, but when people who actually care about the characters here in ATLA and draw on their parallels and interactions I find myself enjoying it. Zuko goes well with the Water siblings I guess haha
Sukka - I don’t have much to say, I just like it lol
Also in the past I liked Zukaang but now I wanna redefine it as them being allowed to be Buddies and close friends and teammates, like what the Blue Spirit ep teased at but then didn’t really follow up on outside The Firebending Masters. I want more!! MOOOOORE!!!
...
But man this post is obnoxious and long enough already lol, thanks if ya endured it all~
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Life Updates (Jan. 2023)
(Dated as such because I presume I’ll do more month-to-month updates, assuming I’ve anything update-worthy. Highlighted the section’s themes cuz I bounce a lot and there was a lot to cover for this month)
My commissions have been doing well as of late. I wouldn’t say they’re “booming” per se, but I have two done and two right behind them. Getting onto a real schedule has its ups and downs, though. For one thing, remembering to block my time for work (espeeeeecially for logging commission times) has been challenging. Nevertheless, I’ve done the thing, and I’m being good and making myself not work on the weekends and only putting in my work toward the week days.
That said, this Monday (the 16th) will probably be busy. Next to those two commissions, I have a pair of videos (which aren’t even mine, they’re my father’s) to edit for posting to help him advertise somethin-or-other. I really need to work on my own videos for my channel and get my setup back (the camera holder thingy I use when doing speed art has been moved since I replaced my floor last year and I still haven’t put it back) BUT, because Monday already has three to four projects in it, I’m not gonna push it. I know what I’m like, I want to do everything at once and then I don’t do any of it.
Which ALSO reminds me of the Dusty Collaboration project that I intended to do in August last year and never finished. My plan on that, going forward (and I’ll go back and poke the members of this project and re-ensure everyone is still on board with this) is to do it this August instead for the Planes 10-year anniversary. Because, you know, it’s TEN YEARS. That’s fucking INSANE.
Now mental health wise...well it’s kind of a mixed bag. I definitely feel a lot better and more alive right now than I had working 36 hours a week and wasting away in a chair. I have all of my side hobbies in the same place and I can add to them and work on them in my own time (and literally, I have a lot of fucking hobbies. In this room alone I have two dozen someodd video games, board games, card games, stacks of books I’m addictively reading, piles of crochet projects and yarn, a desk full of art materials, another desk full of writing materials, and now I’m putting in a TV and DVD/CD player for television and music). It’s also given me enough motivation/inspiration to do the things I’ve been actually wanting and needing to do - like make money - more effectively. So on that front, all is well and good.
But, the rat situation from a few months ago is still going on. And I literally have no fucking idea what it is or why it is and what we can do to stop it. I literally don’t even know if it’s a rat anymore. I never hear any active chewing or scratching, all that I hear is the movement of an animal from one end of the bedroom all the way around to the other, and the occasional bump of something in the wall as it hits it. A pair of times I’ve heard some weird squeaking like it’s a baby animal of some sort, but only a teeny tiny amount of times. And the other day I discovered a cat outside my window, so NOW I’m thinking he’s sneaking into the house walls to hunt and just fucking with me. Or it’s something else, I literally have no idea. Either way, I have slept with the wax melter light on EVERY night for the last month or so.
Lastly, on the side of financial state, we’re still going by the skin of our teeth at the moment, but I suppose it’s working. Dad’s jumping between fixing cars (which he knows) and trying to do real estate (which he does not know as much - also making money from that takes significantly more time and less consistency) and I’m only just now starting to scratch into my savings for things.
My biggest focus aside from my commissions and things will probably be getting my license and then finding a second job somewhere, hopefully art-related (please), between now and May. That is, assuming that I’m still not quite making enough to be comfortable. I’m teetering on the edge of qualifying for making money through Youtube, and commissions are making a fair bit of pocket change right now, but even that plus my work income right now is about half of the rent money for the month. I did say I’d give myself until April to do this, because I can make it that far on savings alone, comfortably and without much fear. BUT, nothing and no one can break until then because I ain’t got no insurance for shit anymore. *punches body* Stop being stupid!
(oh yeah physical health wise I still get occasional noodle days where my body is just, non-functional and I’m just kinda made of limp noodles. Not often, but, it does happen. I dunno man, maybe it’s just a normal thing, who knows.)
That’s all I can think of for the time being, y’all. I’m gonna work on this immediate stuff first and then hopefully I’ll have room to put out some videos for you guys. And, there’s fanfics to look forward to! If anyone remembers Night on the Bow, a project collaborated by Ivory, Shu, and yours truly, we’re making another one! It’s a beefy fic too, so hang onto your hats... ;)
There’s tons more in the wings but I can’t even remember what lol, but it’ll get there when it gets there!
Take care y’all and have a nice Sunday, til the morrow!
-Pen
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Fluff #20 please
it's a good thing I label things in my docs cause I wouldn't have remembered which one this was (at least I hope this is the right one) 😬 Anyway SO sorry this took ages and ages to get to, but I'm happy that I'm easing back into writing again and I had fun with this one. Hope you enjoy!
20. Sender lifts receiver’s chin, invoking eye contact.
The annoying sound of my alarm pulled me out of a deep sleep. I grumbled and slapped at my phone on the nightstand until it shut up. Once an enticing silence filled the room, I rolled over and groggily reached out for her in the space next to me. Finding the bed empty was always a more effective means of forcing me into consciousness. A part of me will always be afraid of waking up without Jayde – of having to relive the grief that losing her put me through.
Luckily, when I shot bolt upright to search for her in a confused panic, I saw the note on her pillow. In my drowsy state, I snatched it, and fell back onto my side of the bed with a dramatic bounce. After rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I absentmindedly fumbled for my glasses on the nightstand.
Had more bad dreams and didn’t want to wake you. I’m going out to do night shift patrols. Might do morning too. Don’t worry, I’ll be home by noon. Love you. -J
My lips pursed as I sighed. Nightmares had crept up on Jayde out of nowhere for the past several nights. It’s kept the both of us up and I quickly ran out of ideas to ease her torment. Seeing her grow progressively more exhausted every day was hard to witness. I could only do so much for her and I felt helpless when the mental lows dragged on longer than usual. Being there for her made me feel a little less useless, so I became disappointed that I hadn’t been roused when she suffered.
Searching for threats all night and all morning with hardly any sleep didn’t exactly sound like a good solution. Jayde probably banked on patrols tiring her out enough to get a somewhat decent rest later. At least, I hoped that was her motive. Jayde’s coping mechanisms could be unpredictable.
Now that I was sufficiently worried, I put the note down and pulled myself out of bed to start the day.
I powered through a distracted breakfast, going back and forth on whether or not to send someone for her. Jayde could get hurt out there. I’m sure Skye or Toby would agree to check on her if she didn’t return when she said.
Being burnt out wouldn’t stop Jayde from defending herself if she had to. My girlfriend was a force to be reckoned with on bad days just as much as on good ones, I needed to remember that.
But then the possibility of her falling into a panic attack made me anxious. There had to be a hundred terrible things swirling around in her mind that had been brought to the surface during her recent nightmares. With her guard lowered from a lack of sleep, I feared the slightest thing might trigger a reaction. She should never have to endure that alone.
Noon came and went without any sign of Jayde. My anxiety rose as the sun readied its descent. Not even the few patients that came to see me in the clinic took my mind off of things. All kinds of scenarios ran through my head the longer her absence continued and I wondered if this was how Jayde felt whenever I made her worried sick.
I decided to close the clinic a little early and make my way to the Den. Toby nodded as I approached the bar. He wordlessly started to make my usual after work tea, but I had an important question. “Have you heard from Jayde at all today?”
He shook his head. “Isn’t she on patrol?”
Disappointment sunk in my gut. “Yeah. Since last night.”
“Oh.” Toby tried to hide it, but I still caught the alarmed glint in his dark brown eyes.
“Exactly,” I said with a heavy sigh. “Do you think you can go out there and bring her home?”
A pained expression twisted his features as he lifted a regretful shoulder. “When she gets like this… she doesn’t really listen to me much. It’s always a dismissive excuse until she’s done wearing herself out. I’m sure it can’t be that much longer.”
Waiting didn’t appeal to me at all. I chewed on my bottom lip and tapped my fingers on the bar in thought. “I think I might know how to get her to come back.”
“How?”
“I’m gonna have to go out there myself.”
Toby completely stopped what he was doing. “Now that isn’t a good idea, Nadya.”
“It’s been days since she got a decent rest and she’s been out there since before the sun came up,” I pointed out. “She’ll follow me home herself to keep me safe.”
“And be pissed that you went into a restricted section of the property, ‘cause, you know, you could get bit or mauled.” Sarcastic as his tone sounded, the words were true.
I shrugged. “At least she won’t be thinking about her bad dreams.”
“Jesus,” Toby scoffed. “You sound like her, you know that?”
I forced a casual smirk to stoke the resemblance. ���I’ll bring protection, it’ll be fine.”
“Nadya, seriously, let me at least go with you.”
“That’ll defeat the purpose. Jayde will just make you be the one to escort me back.”
He threw his hands in the air. “You’re supposed to be the responsible one!”
“See you at dinner,” I chuckled softly and turned on my heel to head towards my room.
I retrieved my hiking bag out of the closet, but hesitated before closing the door. Toby was right, Jayde won’t be happy about the fact I crossed lines I shouldn’t. If I came prepared, though, she might not be as upset with me going out to find her. After the moment passed, I steeled my resolve and pushed coats and clothes aside.
I put it in the closet, right?
Halfway into rummaging through our stuff, it clicked. I remembered that I put it behind the bookshelf because Jayde kept her weapons in the closet. There were very limited places that I could keep it away from Jayde, yet close enough to grab during an emergency.
I reluctantly knelt down beside the tall bookshelf and slid my fingers in the space between the wall and the shelf until I felt an edge of the long, thin box that I had not touched since the day Jayde gave it to me. The first week I lived here, she had presented it as a gift after I asked for permission to hike some of the trails on my own.
I pulled the sleek box out and flipped it open with a snap. Inside, the silver knife that belonged to a dead hunter remained pristine in its sheath. Untouched. Awaiting a purpose I hoped would never come.
Not a single bone in my body ever intended to use this knife. Honestly, I had been more than a little horrified when Jayde gave me a weapon capable of hurting her so badly. I didn’t want to own anything silver. However, she had been adamant about the knife keeping me safe from any wolves that might get the wrong idea or ones unable to control their urges. I told her I would carry it with me whenever I went out on my own, but I was convinced I didn’t need it. After a few trails had been marked for my safety – as well as any other humans that visited the Lodge –, everyone knew where they needed to go on the property. That should be good enough.
I sighed and attached the weapon to my belt. It felt wrong.
With how massive the perimeter is, I studied Jayde's map of the property marked with patrol routes. I didn’t have a lot of daylight left, so I made a guess on where to start and hurried off.
The entire forest felt calmer than usual as I navigated the twists and turns carved out into the earth by both boots and paws. I understood why Jayde came out here to soothe her demons. There really wasn’t any better medicine for a troubled mind than the expansive world of crisp air and lush greenery. For a moment I felt unsure about venturing out here, but I wanted to be certain that she was okay.
Using some of the tracking skills I picked up from Toby, I eventually spotted a cluster of fresh pawprints in the soft dirt, possibly alluding to a recent patrol. I headed in the direction they went and kept my senses alert for any movement as I entered a restricted section of the property.
I didn’t really feel afraid in the beginning, though the forest seemed to grow denser around me the deeper I went. It swallowed me like a maw full of gangly teeth. Wind groaned through the branches like a ghostly howl. The thick brush served as perfect camouflage for most of the common coat colors I’d seen on other werewolves. I wouldn’t know if I had a shadow until they wanted me to know. For the very first time, I became unnerved in these woods.
The pace of my steps slowed significantly to not drown out any potential footfalls that weren’t my own. I didn’t want to prolong my time across boundaries, but I also didn’t want to abandon caution either. With any luck, the only people aware of my presence at all would be the patrol.
I briefly wondered if I might get into trouble for coming out here. Maybe they had citations for humans that visited the Lodge and violated certain rules. Although, I felt unsure if there even was an official rule since I hadn’t seen any other humans stay on the property. I guess I’ll find out, but any repercussions will be worth it for Jayde.
A snap of a twig made me flinch, my hand immediately flying towards the knife on my hip. After a quick scan of my surroundings, I convinced myself it had been nothing to worry about, and continued on the trail. I shouldn’t let the paranoia and guilt cause my emotions to fluctuate. Jayde mentioned the scents of negative emotions could overwhelm some wolves.
I must have hiked at least a mile into the woods without many signs of the werewolves I knew roamed around in these parts. Jayde could honestly be on the other side of the property, meaning I not only wasted my time, but I put myself in potential danger for nothing.
This will definitely put her in a wonderful mood. Great work, Nadya, I thought and rolled my eyes at myself.
Dusk started to bring darkness. A flashlight rested in the pocket of my backpack, but I wasn’t eager to explore in the night. I made the reluctant decision to turn around and simply hope I’ll run into Jayde on my way back. Maybe she had returned to the Lodge in my absence.
I only traveled a handful of paces when I suddenly heard a low, guttural growl that seemed to vibrate through the loose earth under my boots to shake my bones. My entire body froze. Invisible fingers of ice tickled at the back of my neck. No way would I be able to reach my knife in time if this wolf chose to attack, but I slowly turned my head to the side to at least calculate my chances of running away.
A light gray wolf stood with their ears pinned back and their hackles raised as another chilling snarl rumbled out of their chest. But I realized they did not direct the warning at me. No, they faced another wolf.
This rust colored wolf’s gaze kept shifting from the gray wolf to me, and I realized that the gray one stood between us purposefully. They were protecting me. I noted that the yellow eyes of the rust colored wolf twinkled almost hungrily in my direction. Their intentions, while not fully clear, didn’t come off as friendly in the slightest. In fact, I got the impression that I had been stalked for an unknown amount of time. The gray wolf took an aggressive step towards them, hackles raised, and the russet wolf finally backed down. With an indignant shake of their ruff, the mischievous werewolf bounded off and disappeared into the forest.
A massive sigh of relief allowed me to relax all of my tense muscles. I opened my mouth to thank the gray wolf, but they turned around to fix me with the same displeased glare. Their quiet grumble informed me of their irritation at my presence just as much as words would have.
“I know, I know,” I admitted sheepishly. “I shouldn’t be out here and I’m really sorry. I was just looking for Jayde.”
Their icy blue eyes narrowed. This had to be one of her patrol partners.
I attempted to reason some more. “I know you know that she’s been out here too long. I’m worried about her. She needs to come home now.”
The wolf gave a disgruntled huff, but then tipped their head towards the sky and released a long howl. A couple silent beats passed before answering howls ignited the forest. No matter how many times I heard a werewolf's howl, it was no less entrancing. If I listened closely, I could pick out her beautiful voice from the chorus. I guessed that my protector heard it, too. They nodded at me to follow them and I wasted no time trying to keep up with their quadrupedal form.
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I recognize you like this,” I said to break the silence. Not that they could answer me with words, but I could still guess. By their stature and the look in their eyes, I thought I had a decent idea. “Are you Lee?”
An ear flicked back towards me, followed by an affirming grunt.
“It’s a good thing I got it right the first time, huh? This could have been awkward,” I joked.
The silent glare I received was very much not amused. I decided to shut up until he brought me to Jayde.
A little while later, I picked up on the telltale rush of the river that ran all the way down the valley into town. A small clearing opened up by the bank where a group of wolves waited for our arrival. Some of them seemed to enjoy the break from patrolling. A pair were curled up together and playfully nipping at each other's ears. A few lapped at the running water and shook dirt off their coats. One stood guard on top of a large boulder, though they looked rather unbothered in the presence of their company.
Every pair of glowing eyes turned towards me as soon as I set foot in the clearing. I might as well be lit up by a spotlight. It felt like the first time I had to give a presentation in school. Their gazes scrutinized me for interrupting their work and I certainly couldn’t blame them. The best I could do was finish my business quickly and get out of their way. Nerves tightened my throat as I searched the wolfish faces for Jayde.
Then a familiar large white wolf appeared from the other side of the boulder. She stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she saw me. I offered an apologetic smile. “Hi, Jay.”
Jayde shook her ruff with a low grumble and approached me with purpose. On all fours, her shoulders were well above my hips. She used the advantage of her height to thoroughly inspect every inch of me. Her golden eyes briefly flashed towards mine when she noted the silver knife. I allowed her to find reassurance in my armed and unscathed state before I explained my unexpected appearance.
“It’s gonna be dark soon.” I tentatively reached out to run a hand through her coarse fur. The patches behind her ears were always the softest. “Are you coming home?”
While she didn’t shrug off my touch, she still lightly growled in displeasure. Jayde gently took my sleeve between her teeth and led me away from the clearing. Once we were far enough, she released my shirt and nudged me further ahead with her nose. I noticed that she threw a glance towards Lee, who wordlessly took his place by my side again. No words needed to be spoken for me to understand she was sending me back without her.
I planted my feet. “Hey, wait a second, you’re not coming with me?”
Jayde motioned up at the setting sun through the trees and shook her head. Patrol doesn’t switch shifts until after sundown. I had a sneaking suspicion that she’d still be out here by then.
“You promised to be back by noon,” I reminded her. When she wouldn’t look at me, I lifted her chin until the deep amber glow of her eyes met my mundane ones. “I’ve been worried about you all day.” My index finger scratched at the soft fur under her jaw, but she still held her ground. I sighed. “Look, if you really need to stay, then I’ll leave with Lee, but I’d really rather it be you.”
She hesitated for several seconds, her intense wolfish gaze locked on me. It was always harder for me to tell what went on in her head when she was a wolf, but I held on to the hope that maybe Jayde would give in to her exhaustion. My silent wish turned into reality as soon as her ears finally folded back. She nuzzled into my hand with a low whine and I placed a kiss on her forehead with a smile, which made her tail tuck in.
Such a puppy sometimes.
“Let’s go,” I said, fondly brushing my fingers across her snout. Then I turned to the gray wolf. “Thank you, Lee. I’m really sorry again.”
He gave me a single nod in acknowledgement and returned to the others. A better reaction than I thought I’d get.
Our trek back to the Lodge went by slowly. Whatever facade Jayde had put on for the others to hide her exhaustion crumbled once it became just the two of us. Her pace was sluggish and her head hung low. She even stumbled on a root. To help her conserve what little energy she had, I remained fairly quiet. Not that we could have made much conversation anyway. All I wanted was to get her home and in bed. Surely the long, undisturbed rest she’s been needing will finally come.
The lights from the Lodge in the distance served as a beacon once the sun had fallen too low to offer me any useful light. Jayde may be by my side, but I still looked over my shoulder every now and then for the shadow I had earlier. That wolf must be long gone, but it still unnerved me that they had followed my trail for an unknown amount of time before Lee shooed them off.
Before long, the warm embrace of our room filled us both with relief. I shut the door behind us and headed for the bathroom. “I’ll meet you in the shower,” I told Jayde just as she started to shift back.
I let hot water wash away all the grime and soothe my muscles from my impromptu hike. It felt so good that I simply stood under the showerhead and closed my eyes for what had to be minutes. Only when I felt a familiar presence enter the shower behind me did I open them and turn around.
Jayde looked even more worn out in her human form. Dark circles hung under her half lidded eyes. Her usually straight posture slumped like her head weighed three times more than it did. I noted a slight wobble in her legs from running around all day. Not a single regret plagued me. She’d definitely still be out there pushing herself to the bone if I hadn’t gone for her.
“You could’ve gotten hurt,” she scolded before I got the chance to say anything. Even her voice sounded heavy.
I smiled warmly and reached out to cup the back of her neck. Jayde was too tired to protest the shower-drenched kiss I pressed to her lips. I felt some life breathe back into her when I gave her mouth a few light strokes with my own. She parted her lips and swayed into me, her hands landing on my hips to find balance.
“Get under the water,” I softly instructed. “Let me wash you.”
Jayde found her resolve for a moment after we broke apart. “I’m serious. Don’t do that again.”
I switched our positions and pushed her hair back as the steaming water flowed over her body. Then I kissed her again with the intent to subdue her worries as well as my own. Her muscles went slack and her lips followed mine when I pulled away. “It was a one time thing, I promise.”
She released a sigh of relief and rested her forehead against mine. “Okay. I’m sorry I worried you.”
“You’re home now,” I murmured.
Jayde’s lips delicately caressed mine once more. “I am.”
I took it upon myself to methodically clean most of her body. I started with her hair, massaging shampoo and then conditioner into her scalp. Her eyes remained blissfully closed for the entire thing like she was at a spa. I held back laughter. Then she rested her head on my shoulder, practically melting against me as I dragged a washcloth up and down her back. A part of me thought I should have drawn a bath.
“Did Lee spook you?” she mumbled into my skin.
“What do you mean?”
A quiet hum echoed off the tiles. “You were afraid earlier. I could sense it.”
“Oh.” At first I wasn’t sure if I should tell her about the other wolf, but I knew she’d hear it from Lee if she didn’t hear it from me. “No, there was someone else out there. They got a bit too close, but Lee sent them on their way.”
That made her lift her head up to frown at me. “Were they stalking you?”
The worried furrow in her brow needed to go away, so I lied. “No, I’m pretty sure we just stumbled across each other’s paths. They blended in really well with the forest.”
My words seemed to appease her for now. That or she didn’t have the energy while I was safe in her presence. Jayde relaxed back into my arms. “Alright. I’m glad you had your knife. Especially considering it’s been behind the bookshelf since I gave it to you.”
Of course she's known this whole time.
“I hate that thing,” I admitted.
“Take it with you more. Even on the safer trails.”
“Jay –”
“For me, Nadya,” she quietly pleaded.
“Okay,” I agreed. To lighten the mood, I went for a different subject. “Are you gonna be up for some dinner after we get out?”
“Honestly, I just wanna sleep for a week.”
“That’s about how much you need to catch up on.”
“I fucking feel it,” she groaned.
I kissed the side of her head. “Let’s finish up, then.”
Once we were both clean, I took Jayde’s hand and led her out of the shower. She looked about ready to pass out at any given second. Getting dressed seemed to be too strenuous a task for her tonight, so I picked out some comfortable clothes and helped her into them. Only then did I start to feel the toll on my own body. While I had gotten more sleep than Jayde, I still missed a full uninterrupted night’s rest for several days in a row. It might be considered a bit too early to turn in for the night, but neither of us cared.
With one of Jayde’s flannels comfortably on my shoulders and the softest pair of shorts I owned on my hips, I jumped into bed and let myself sink into the mattress. “This is what dreams are made of.”
Jayde managed to chuckle at my dramatics. “You are way too tempting.”
I glanced over to see her standing at the edge of the bed, eyes tracing my bare legs. Desire won out and she delicately brushed my thigh with the back of her fingers, bringing forth a wave of goosebumps along my skin. A knowing smirk tugged at the corners of my mouth. “Come here.”
At the sound of my beckoning voice, Jayde carefully crawled on top of me. Her lips landed on mine with a passionate, yet lazy cadence. The sensations calmed everything from my heart to the air that left my lungs, making time itself seem to slow down around us.
Our legs became as entwined as our shared sighs of tranquility. Jayde could smell emotions. I wondered if she could taste them, too, because nothing felt more reverent than her clipped breath passing through my parted lips. Or the way the silky heat of her tongue graced mine.
Her mouth traveled to my neck where she placed a few wet kisses that were more chaste than I expected. I felt the bridge of her nose nuzzle just underneath my ear as she whispered, “I just want to fall asleep with you.”
I played with her hair, curling the damp blonde strands around my fingers. “Then close your eyes.”
“What if I just have more bad dreams?”
“You won’t,” I said confidently. “They’re done with you for now.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I said so.”
Jayde’s soft chuckle tickled my skin. She kissed my pulsepoint one more time and pushed herself up. Curiosity made me blink as she reached over to my nightstand and grabbed my glasses. A laugh pushed out of my lungs as she placed them on me with intent and gave me a playful peck. “Will you read to me, my love?”
I wanted to make a joke asking if this is how we get freaky in bed, but the tired and adorably expectant look on her face caused me to focus on nothing else besides her earnest request. I retrieved my current novel from the nightstand. “Of course.”
Jayde happily nestled down against me. With a long-winded sigh, her body completely melted on top of mine like a warm weighted blanket. I opened the book and propped it up on the back of her shoulders. As soon as I started to read aloud, I felt her relax even more. She found a spot in the crook of my neck to rest her lips until her measured breaths evened out to the steady rhythm of sleep. I still read on for quite a while, knowing the vibration of my voice would keep the nightmares away.
#asks#anon#original story#original writing#original characters#werewolves#my writing#my ocs#me @ me: ok this is a prompt you can keep it short *writes ten pages*#this has been sitting in my wips forever too and I almost gave up on it#but I couldn't get the end fluff out of my head#I'm happy that I was able to finish it#I also like writing Nadya being risky and maybe not making the smartest decisions#but she loves Jayde and worries so easily#Nadya pov
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What's your favorite non-fast food restaurant?
It’s a nearby place that serves Korean cuisine. I love love love them because they’re super nearby; they have lots of options on their menu - they even have some local specialties; and I appreciate that the owner is Korean so the experience is as authentic as possible. The staff are also really nice!
What is something you hate, but wish you loved?
Video editing. I feel like I’m the type to make lots of short-form vlogs if I only knew how to work those video editing programs and enjoyed using them.
What’s something terrible that happened to you in the past that you can actually laugh at now?
I guess all the cringy stuff that happened in my previous relationship and its destructive aftermath; all the dumb arguments, me crying over my ex, the cheesy lines I once used. There are times I’d look back on those times somberly just because of the grave effects it had on my mental health; but there are times where I’d also laugh and cringe it off.
If you could profoundly release anxiety's grip on one area of your life what would it be?
My job. I wish I can have Bea’s chill approach to work, but I don’t think it would ever work with how uptight I innately am.
What product would you never be willing to go off brand with?
Shampoo and conditioner. My hair isn’t at the healthiest state as it is, so going brandless on it just feels too big of a risk.
What are your favourite tv shows to binge watch?
Easy watches, like Friends and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. If I’m gonna binge watch something multiple times they have to be shows that don’t cause me stress a la Breaking Bad, lol.
What's the pettiest thing you've done?
I’ve done a lot of petty things lmao but a recent one that comes to mind was when I nearly got into a minor accident with this motorcycle, and when he drove past me while glaring at me the entire time I shot him finger hearts and gave him a shit-eating grin. In my defense the near-accident was caused by him so I felt like I had merit to be petty, haha.
People with mental illnesses, what is an unexpected GOOD side effect of your illness?
You always prepare yourself for the worst outcome, lol. < This is a good one. Another good thing, I guess, are those moments when you need to be alone and seek distractions, which will sometimes lead you to experience things that give you peace. Not too long ago I felt like getting away from the world for a bit which ended in me driving aimlessly for an hour, just going around the city. For the most part I don’t want to romanticize things like this, but then again I also don’t want to invalidate the happiness that these moments give me.
What is one thing you always have next to you when you go to bed?
My phone.
It’s one month into 2018. How fucked is your year so far?
I barely remember anything that took place from 2016 to 2020 because my memories from then were largely linked to my ex; but if I remember correctly 2018 was actually a bit kinder to me compared to the turbulence that was 2016 and ‘17. I don’t think I have a lot of negative memories from 2018.
What is the worst thing your significant other did/say but you still decided to stay in the relationship and work on it?
My ex was basically a huge gaslighter and I remember just swallowing every time she would invalidate my feelings or not apologize for remarks that hurt me.
What food blew your mind the first time you tried it?
Risotto. The first time I tried it, it was my dad who made it and I was just stunned to silence. Ever since then I always get risotto if I see it on a menu.
What’s your favorite question to ask someone you’ve just met?
If they’re into K-dramas or K-pop. Most of the time the answer is yes so it’s always able to open up like 10 minutes’ worth of conversation.
What small thing did your parents do for you (or a sibling) that you've grown to appreciate (more)?
So my dad is super in touch with my food preferences, and what will happen sometimes is that when he’ll make a certain dish for dinner that he knows I don’t like too much, he’ll make a small serving of something else that’s just for me to eat. So for example if he makes sinigang for the rest of the family, he’ll make like one serving of pad thai for me haha.
What is the common stereotype about your job?
That it’s all about planning events and meeting celebrities. It is those things to some extent, but it’s more than that and certainly not as glamorous as it seems.
What was the most scary symptom that you had which actually turned out to be minor?
I’ve had toothaches bad enough to make me file leaves from work and miss a lot of sleep, when they turned out to just be wisdom teeth that needed to be extracted.
What board game do you absolutely hate playing?
Monopoly, only because I never understood how it works.
What's the cutest thing your SO does, but denies it's cute in any way?
I don’t have one.
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"My name is ayumu...*yawn* You can call me ayu or shirai..."
"Hi, i'm ayumu, Shirai ayumu, *yawn* sorry... I haven't slept in a while, anyways, nice to meet you! I'm 16, turning 17 this year :) I work at the Armed Dectetive Agency, I'm still a rookie but... Well, I'm trying ig... Uhh... I'm not really good at talking with people, still, I hope we can get along!"
(Occ and other things are here ☟please read)
Ayumu is a member of the Armed Dectetive Agency that joined not so long ago, their parents died when they were 8 and wandered in the streets since then, there they met various people in their similar situation (probably knew or heard of akutagawa back then). they were found by an agency member after being injured by some wild animals in a nearby forest and after some rest they joined it, they still don't know most of the members of the ADA tho
Ability: ayumu's ability is 'The endless slumber', its a large range ability that puts the victim on a deep sleep or coma-like state, while they are on that state their mind/subconscious will be trapped in a type of limbo (in this case also a type of dream) where ayumu is in control of everything, it can be used to (mentally) torture the victim or just hold them back for some time.
The location or vibe of the dream is usually personalized depending the affected and also for what is going to happen inside it. This ability also has some negative effects on ayumu, as extreme exhaustion and insomnia, that is why ayumu is always found tired or sleepless.
Appearance:
Their overcoat was a gift from their mother some months before she died and now ayumu uses it all the time, ayumu prefers using comfortable clothes and are almost always used the same ones. Their earring/earpiece was also a gift, even though they aren't a jewelry person they want to remember how their mom and that were so they always use it.
likes: doing a good job, approval, feeling welcome, being alone, night, snacks, the feeling of not having more work
dislikes: society and not being able to sleep.
Height: 179cm/5 feet 10.5 inches
Lil funfact: they have gotten away with 60+ murders (not a big big number cuz it only happened thanks to or ability malfunctions or because someone hurt them), thief and arson :3
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GUT GO REVIEW - GUT HEALTHY - GUT HEALTHY DIET - DOES GUT GO {irritable ...
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∆DOES GUT GO WORK? yes, because as we get older, the digestive system can't keep up with the body's digestive speed and this causes parts of your food to build up for days, even weeks, hence the importance of getting your gut to play the crucial role in the digestive speed of the food you consume, making it easier for the colon to push food through the body.
∆IS GUT GO NATURAL? yes, it contains no GMOs, gluten, sugar, starch, salt, wheat, corn, yeast, soy derivatives, lactose or colorings
∆WHAT ARE THE INGREDIENTS IN GUT GO? - Lepidium Meyenii herb, incredibly rich in nutrients, fights free radicals that can cause inflammation; - guarana seed extract, known as "nature's laxative", but WITHOUT the side effects of laxatives and potential long-term damage, it works by pushing the contents into the rectum. - L-glutamine, which breaks down and absorbs food in your intestines, helping to prevent infection and inflammation, as well as soothing intestinal tissue to eliminate cramps and spasms. - Green Tea, thanks to its high concentration of catechins, provides incredible digestive effects, causes your intestines to digest and absorb nutrients more quickly to prevent food from accumulating in your intestines with nowhere to go.
∆IS GUT GO SAFE? yes, GMP-certified facility, a drug-free product that is not addictive and has no side effects.
∆WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF GUT GO? waking up every day with energy; having a flatter belly and feeling good about your body; enjoying delicious food without having to worry about how it will affect you; quickly losing kilos without going on any crazy diets; feeling happier and more self-confident; less stress in your life.
∆HOW TO TAKE GUT GO? Just take 1ml, or about 20 drops a day, at the time that works best for you.
∆WHEN WILL I GET RESULTS? I recommend that you take Gut Go for at least 30 days and the longer you take it, the more regular your digestive system will become.
∆DOES GUT GO HAVE A GUARANTEE? yes.
∆HOW IS GUT GO DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PRODUCTS? Gut Go is the only product in the world that includes the 4 proven herbs used in the original Japanese Tea Secret, plus additional nutrients in this precise formulation
∆WHERE TO BUY GUT GO? it's only sold exclusively through the official website which I've linked to in this description: https://bit.ly/3GqhUXm
∆SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-jJWnDIeQZ0_DBFc6UCmig
∆SHARE THIS VIDEO: https://youtu.be/3_VFeNCiAEA
∆GUT GO OFFICIAL WEBSITE: https://bit.ly/3GqhUXm
#GUT GO REVIEW #GUT HEALTHY #GUT HEALTHY DIET #DOES GUT GO {irritable bowel syndrome } WORK?
GUT GO REVIEW
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