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wandasfifthwife · 1 month

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(2) cheeks turning red ✩‧₊˚ competing series

hockey coach!wanda x fem!ex figure skater reader

tw: mentions of alcohol (neither r or wanda consume it), two brief mentions of toxic parents (r’s mom went to jail), wanda & r flirting lmao

a/n: not proofread, this is fresh outta the oven babes. Idk how I feel about this bc I feel I’m not good with writing fluff like this LMAO

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It was a call from your brother. On the other end of the phone, he was begging you to come over and entertain them at dinner.

“It’s good to see you,” your brother had said earnestly when you had walked up. He wrapped you in a hug, one you sunk into.

“Tyler is at a friend’s place. It’s good for him to get out, he’s been struggling with friends.”

“He’s been doing fine at practice?”

He shuts the door behind you, “I mean at school, he’s been complaining that they’re immature.”

His wife calls from further in the house, appearing from a corner to come and greet you. She’s always been welcoming, but the relationship between you still feels fresh. The table was already set, the dishes laid out on the table.

“How’s Tyler been at practice other than the friends he’s been making?”

“Oh he’s picking it up well,” you slide the chair closest to the window out to sit, “cocky as ever, but he’s doing well.”

“Good. What do you think of the coach?”

An uncomfortable look is shared between him and his wife, it makes you feel small. The look they shared felt usually like they knew something you didn’t, or that they had to walk on eggshells around you.

“She’s great,” you defuse the silence, “We don’t have to talk about any of that, I’m moving on.”

“Sweet, we just care to check in,” she finally steps into the conversation. You could tell your brother wanted to hash it out yet again, saying it’s because he cares but you’ve said the conversations make it worse. When your mind wants to forget about it, the constant back-track doesn’t help.

“Tyler’s coach and I are talking.”

The sentence had him stuttering, shock written on his face, “when? And how?”

His wife has a similar look on her face, but the small smile on her face eases the pressure in your chest.

“The situation’s a bit different from how you two met. A man hit on me, remember what I talked about last week? She scared him off, we introduced ourselves, and started saying hi whenever we saw each other.”

He points a finger at you, “that’s different. Do you like her?”

“She slipped her number in my coat pocket, I’d say we’re both interested.”

“It probably took you a day to realize it was there.”

You attempt to hide your smile but it’s futile, and the two laughs at the sight. He sighs and leans back in his seat, no longer hunching over the table, “I also wanted to ask how your job’s been going? You still with that company?”

“I’m staying with them unless they refuse to give me a raise, the amount they’re giving is barely enough to cover rent.”

He hums, “if you need anything, we’re here.”

You smile as a thank you and divert the conversation away from you by asking about their lives. They’re always eager to, their body language becoming more open and relaxed once they begin to. It could be a result of overthinking, but at times you feel most conversations surrounding you are negative. The one you just had about your nephew’s coach was the first time you collectively connected positively.

.˚₊┈୨♡୧┈₊˚.

Within a second of closing the door to your apartment, your phone lit up the dark room. It was hurting your eyes, but you had never really cared to check who the recipient was until this moment. It wasn’t formatted properly, the text sent in a rush. The text read, “call me when you can,” just with random spacing and two misspelled words.

You debated waiting in hopes to seem hard to get, but you couldn’t wait any longer without hearing her voice. So you pressed on her contact, pressing your phone to your ear and sliding your shoes off in the foyer.

“Is everything alright,” you began, a small amount of concern bleeding into how you spoke.

“It can be,” she says, the pause between her words almost suffocating, “you deserve a nice dinner, and I will take you to one if you so wish to. But I have a formal event later tonight and need a plus one, I-“

“I’ll go as your plus one.”

“Oh wonderful. Thank you, thank you. I’ll come to your place at 9.”

She ends the call right after and you’re thankful she did. You can feel your heart fall out from your chest with the pitiful ache forming. If it were to be nerves or excitement, neither you nor your mind fully understands the difference.

With the lights now turned on it causes you to squint due to the sudden onset of light. You stumble to find your bedroom to open your window and let fresh air in. The projected event later that night turned your stomach into knots and mind into a blank slate of irrational anxiety. It was sudden and unexpected, but it was welcomed. What wasn’t welcomed was the following emotions, like anxiety.

The sun had settled under the surface, turning your room orange. With the sun lowering it set your alarm off. The tv across from you shut off and you slid off your bed.

Each minute passed while you got ready, and so did an alarm. Rather it was better to have three annoying alarms remind you of how much time you had than to be rushing out late. You had to remind yourself of that when it went off while you were in the shower, scaring you.

The parking lot was empty save for four cars in their assigned spots. Wanda had called earlier with questions on where you lived and if she had to do anything to get through the complex’s gate. Five minutes later here she was driving towards you.

A shaking hand reached towards the car door, opening it. She continued to watch you as you shut the door, you knew based off of feeling her eyes on you. It made your mind blank.

“I want to thank you again,” she admits, looking to you occasionally as she drives towards her friend’s estate. “It was last minute. I forgot about it until I saw the reminder on my phone.”

You smile at her, “you’re fine. What’s the event for?”

“My friend from college is getting married, this is some sort of together party. It doesn’t make sense and that’s just because they’re wealthy.“

“Who’s the wealthy one?”

“In a way both of their families are, but the bride’s family has a stable job set out for her.”

“How’d you meet?”

She stops at a red light, the color highlighting a side of her face when she turns towards you.

“She was in a class of mine. Connected over a terrible professor. I’m still surprised he still teaches there when all he does is read off of a slide show.”

You roll your eyes dramatically, “figures.”

When she parks, it’s behind a car brand you know is high on the market. It’s fun to dress nice, but it’s another thing when it feels like you’re playing dress up.

Wanda comes to your door, opening it for you and smiling when you fall forward into her. Your foot had fell between the crack of grass and concrete, twisting it and causing you to lean further into her chest.

“I don’t know anyone here expect for my friend, so you have no reason to fear me walking away. I’m in the same boat as you,” she whispers while shutting the car door behind you. A hand stays on your back as you two walk towards the lit up building.

The only awkward part of the night was when she greeted her friend, causing you to stand beside her as she did so. You pay it no mind though, appreciating the way she introduced you into the conversation. You give an occasional response, smiling politely to pass the time until they bid their goodbyes.

“I feel miserable,” she begins, walking you further into the house, “I dragged you into this.”

“You didn’t drag me into anything. I choose to come.”

She looks relieved, her expression now at ease. Her fingers grasp a glass near her, bringing it toward you for you to take.

“I would like to know you more,” she says while taking one for herself, “did you do another sport besides ice skating?”

“I tried soccer, hated it.”

She leans into the counter, facing sideways as compared to you. Her tone easy when she speaks, “what happened?”

“I didn’t like the competitive nature.”

“Did you competitive ice skating? What’s different?”

“You’re actively going against another team. I enjoy being competitive, I don’t like working with a team against another team.”

She hums, shaking her head in disbelief, “I would be crazy to believe that. I need to play with a team.”

You mock her hum, “of course you would.”

A faux offended expression comes on her face, “what’s that supposed to mean? Thought you said I’m a great coach.”

“You are, you just fit the criteria to enjoy a sport where you ram into others and shove a small puck around.”

“Is that why you said I’m a great coach?”

“You won’t let that go, huh?”

She scoots closer, “not until you tell me why.”

You roll your eyes a second time, laughing and pushing her back. She shrugs, “when a pretty woman compliments your teaching style, it’s important to know why so I can continue.”

You look at her incredulously. Unconsciously all nerves you had before beginning to fade away as the night continues. She’s easy to talk to and tease, a contrast from you’re used to.

“You’re genuine.”

“In what, I need more. In how I shove your nephew around? In what?”

“You’re an absolute dork. I mean in how you treat the boys, you care about them. Like you cultivate relationships with them. Even mix of stern and supportive.”

“Some coach expert you are, who’re you comparing me to.”

You have a choice to opt out, but she has an air of freedom. A feeling that you want to fall into more, so you open up that space.

“My mom.”

“Oh,” she gets closer, making your heart race, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, she’s in jail now. Long gone.”

“Shit wow, okay,” Wanda laughs, an endearing grin on her face, “you’re full of history.”

A couple of drinks and long conversations later, you begin to pull away from the party. The atmosphere was calm on the drive home. With the gentle hum of the AC and Wanda’s presence, it lured you to lean fully into the car door beside you.

“If you’d like to sleep, go ahead. It’s pretty late.”

You glance to the clock, finding the numbers 2:00 glaring back at you. A sigh comes from you, “no.”

“Okay,” she mumbles, her husky voice cracking at your resolve. You watch her side profile, a hand under your head.

“You have a slight accent,” you begin and she cuts you off, apologizing for whatever reason.

“What? I was going to say it’s attractive.”

She huffs, looking a bit shocked, “thank you. It might be because English isn’t my first language.”

“What is it,” you ask tiredly, resisting how your eyes are practicing closing.

“It’s Sokovian. And doll, sleep. I promise I don’t mind.”

You didn’t have the energy to respond, the last coming from you being a muffled him before you drifted off. Twenty or thirty minute could’ve passed, but you woke when you felt the car turn at the strange loop getting off the highway. A slight headache begin to appear as you slowly woke up.

“I was about wake you,” she laughs softly, “you seemed to know we’re almost back.”

You groan with a hand in your head, “I regret sleeping, my head hurts.”

“Poor baby, do you have medicine?”

You nod at her question, reaching below to grab at your stuff that had fallen by your feet. The complex’s lights come into view and you’re almost thankful to lay down in your actual bed. What a gift it is to be able to do so.

“Thank you,” you start, “I had a wonderful time. I’m so sorry for just knocking out there at the end.“

“No worries,” she parks the car out front and you can feel the nerves from before spark.

“I would like to see you again,” you say quietly, looking into her eyes, “if that’s okay.”

“Love to. I can get you after practice Tuesday.”

The shyness comes back, everything within you burning at the idea of seeing her again. Your lungs heave in air looking at her, and she knows with the way she begins to smirk weird.

“You’re a goof,” you say finally, moving to climb out of the car. She laughs and waves you off.

Once finally in bed, you weren’t able to sleep with the way you kept replaying the way she was looking at you. It was dangerous, each one pulling you further into her.

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@dorabledewdroop @aru-son @thelittleliars

@sokovianbaby @natsbiggestfan1

@r0manxff @xxxtwilightaxelxxx

@emiliaisdead @esposadejoyhuerta

@shinysuitcloud @xxsekhmet

@casquinhaa @scarlettbitchx

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda x fem!reader #wanda x you #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x fem!reader #hockey coach!wanda #competing series

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jessejaredstories · 8 months

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One Last Adventure

“Did you find anyone yet?”

“Not yet babe, I’m still looking.”

I flipped through the pages of my old high school yearbook while my boyfriend Jack was pacing around our bedroom. He was supposed to be searching through Grindr and Tinder for potential targets, but I knew he was getting frustrated and decided not to push it. My boyfriend has always been the impatient type, but I could understand why he was getting extra antsy tonight.

About a month ago, my boyfriend and I made a deal with a witch. In exchange for five years off of each of our lifespans, the witch would grant us the supernatural ability to take over other people’s bodies. As you can imagine, Jack and I have been generously using our new powers ever since we got them. We’ve been using them to do whatever we want as whoever we want! Getting easy access to anything we want, getting payback on anyone who’s wronged us, and probably the most fun, fucking as whoever we want. Pretty sweet ability right?

But of course, an extraordinary power like this doesn’t come without its cost. On top of paying the witch with literal years off of our lives, there were also two conditions we needed to follow. The first condition was the time limit. We got exactly 30 days before our powers expire. Once time’s up, that’s it. No more body hopping fun. The second condition was more of a restriction than anything else. The witch said that we couldn’t just take over anyone’s body. We could only choose people both Jack and I have met in-person before. That condition really limited our options, but even so, that didn’t stop us from having as much fun as possible.

“Hey, what about these two?” I handed Jack the yearbook with an open page. Unfortunately though, it took him less than a second to shake his head no.

“No good. I knew them but I never actually met them.”

I sighed as I took back the yearbook. Not gonna lie, I was starting to get frustrated too. We just couldn’t find any new bodies to possess! Normally, we wouldn’t get so worked over it, but tonight was different. It was our last day before our powers expired for good. Obviously we couldn’t just let our powers die out without one last body hopping escapade! But after hours of searching, it was not looking good for us…

Or so I thought. I started half-assedly looking through all the faces of our former high school classmates. It was then that two faces stuck out to me. Akshay Khan and Kabir Patel.

“How about these two? Remember them? The Indian bros?” I asked Jack.

“Oh yeah, I remember them. Can’t say I remember much though,”

“Neither can I.”

Akshay and Kabir were known for being inseparable best friends, but that was it really. They never got involved in any school activities. That’s why they each only had one photo in the yearbook. Easy to miss, but they were still an option nonetheless.

“C’mon, let’s check out what they’ve been up to,” I said as I pulled out my phone.

Jack joined me on the couch. He laid against me as I typed in Akshay’s name. Luckily that was all I needed to get a hit on Instagram. His profile came up and surely enough, it was him. He had recently posted on his story too. I clicked on it and up came a picture of him and Kabir working out at some gym together.

“Whoa, they’ve really glowed up since high school. The gym’s been kind to them!” Jack let out a fox whistle when he saw the picture. I turned my head slightly to watch him checking out the goods. I could tell by the hungry look in his eyes that we just found our next targets.

“What do you say bro?” I said while lowering my voice. “You down to hit the showers after we hit this last set?” I caught Jack off guard with my bad Akshay impression, but he caught on right away. We exchanged a knowing look, then proceeded to get ready for the takeover.

We both laid down on the ground and took deep breaths. We had body possession down to a science with how many times we’ve done it. All that was left to do was to go through steps again. I cleared my mind of all thoughts then I focused on imagining my soul leaving my body, all while maintaining my breathing. Soon enough, I could feel myself becoming lighter as my soul left my physical body. Once I was no longer a slave to the laws of physics, I flew straight to the gym where Akshay and Kabir were. They made the big mistake of tagging their location on social media, which made Jack and I’s job a whole lot easier!

Thanks to my spirit form, I made it to their location within minutes. I phased through the walls and looked around for the bros. The gym was pretty empty that night for some reason. After some searching, I found Akshay in the locker room area checking himself out in the mirror. He was by himself in there. I crept up behind him, ready to strike while he was distracted!

“Nrghh… What the fuck?” Akshay exclaimed. He hunched over while holding his stomach. I hesitated jumping into him, then abandoned the idea altogether when I realized what was happening. Jack had beaten me to the punch, he had already begun possessing Akshay.

I decided to stay back a moment and watch as my boyfriend possessed the gym rat. Akshay was groaning loudly. He tried keeping his balance but ended up falling to the ground on all fours. Sweat beads were forming on his face as he began breathing heavily. He then swung his head back with his mouth wide open. I could see his eyes roll back to the back of his head until I only saw the veiny whites of his eyeballs. Akshay then let out a loud, eerie groan. His cheeks and chest puffed up as Jack's soul slithered down his throat. I could see Akshay's Adam's apple bob up and down too! This lasted for a few seconds, then Akshay swallowed the last of Jack's essence in one final gulp. Once it was done, Akshay's eyes went back to normal and he stood up with a cocky grin on his face.

"Ahh yeahhh... That's the good stuff..." Akshay said while caressing his massive pecs and rock hard abs. Except I knew that wasn't Akshay anymore, that was my loving boyfriend checking out his new body in the mirror.

I watched as my boyfriend admired his newly obtained muscles in front of the mirror. I couldn't help but smile as Jack flexed his cannons for arms and made his pecs pop. To be honest, I was slightly jealous of him. Akshay was jacked! I wanted to have that body for myself, but no matter, there was still another body up for grabs anyway.

I turned around and began searching for Kabir. I looked throughout the gym and eventually found him near the dumbbells. Kabir was busy putting some weights back on the rack. He wasn't perfectly alone like Akshay was, but the sight of his plump butt sticking out as he was bent over was too tempting to ignore. I just had to take the risk and dive right in!

I steadied my aim first and then charged in as fast as I could. Thanks to my spirit form, I was able to phase right through his gym shorts and go straight into his asshole.

"Ow!! What the fuck!?" Kabir yelped out, presumably from me penetrating him by surprise. The impact of me entering him made Kabir fall onto the ground on his stomach. He grabbed onto his ass cheeks while squirming around on the ground. Unfortunately I wasn't able to possess him in one smooth motion, but it didn't matter. I was already halfway in, and there was nothing Kabir could do to stop a pro like me.

I started wiggling my way up his ass. The deeper I went inside him, the more I could feel through his body as the body takeover process started.

"Aaargh fuckk!! Ahh!!"

Kabir was moaning and thrashing around like a madman! I couldn't blame him though, I could feel the stimulation I was giving him by entering through his ass. I bet I was hitting all the right pleasure spots as I slithered up him!

"Mmmm... yeahh that's the spot..." I purred using Kabir's voice. I was in full control now, and hearing his accent come out of my mouth was making me hard! I stood up and brushed off any dirt on me. I took a moment to admire my newly possessed body. Jack might have gotten the more muscular body, but Kabir was taller and with a well-toned physique too. He was hot— No, I was hot!

“Hey bro, you good?”

I felt a hand pat me on the shoulder. Shit! Someone must’ve spotted Kabir thrashing around on the floor! I slowly turned around, but thankfully my worries were for nothing. It was just Jack.

“Yeah man, I’m chilling, all good here,” I answered. Jack shook his head.

“You sure, Kabir? Looked like you had a pretty ass cramp just now… You don’t need a massage to help ease the pain?”

Getting called “Kabir” threw me off for a moment. Although I quickly caught on when I saw “Akshay” wink at me.

“Actually, you’re right, I could use a massage right now! Think you can lend me a hand bro?” I replied with a smirk. Akshay returned my gesture with a grin. It was moments like this that made me love taking over other people’s bodies with my boyfriend. Nobody but us knew that these two gym rats just got possessed by two other men, and that secret just made it even more fun.

Akshay and I wasted no time in getting to the locker rooms. Luckily for us, there was still nobody back there. We took off our clothes and hopped into one of the shower stalls together. Akshay turned on the water, and then proceeded to pin me to the wall behind me. He planted a big fat kiss on my lips. It was aggressive, but I loved it!

We made out in the stall with our tongues fighting for dominance while the running water helped cover up our loud kisses and moans. Naturally, our dicks got hard while we kissed. I could feel Akshay’s dick rub against me as we pressed and interlocked our wet bodies against one another. It was strange. Normally when we possess straight men, we could feel their dormant souls try to resist against us having fun with their bodies. I expected Kabir and Akshay to do the same, but they never did! It was almost as if their bodies were enthusiastic about us having our fun. Perhaps, they’ve already done what we were doing?

Whatever. It doesn’t matter. All that mattered was that Akshay had a hand around my neck, choking me while keeping me pressed against the shower wall. I opened my mouth and Akshay spit in my mouth. I swallowed it like a good boy, then I jumped onto Akshay. He held me up while we resumed kissing. Then, while our lips were locked together, he began to lower me down onto his cock. I could feel his dick tap against my hole, then it slid right in.

“OHH FUCKK!!!” I couldn’t hold back my moans. The pleasure of having Akshay’s whole length inside me… My hole expanding to accommodate his girth was too much to hold back!

“You like that? You want this big, brown cock inside you?”

“Fuck yeah! Fuck me!!”

“Beg for it then.” He started teasing me by thrusting himself into me slowly.

“Please bro! Please fuck me hard!! I want you… I need you… Arghh!!”

Akshay started picking up the pace of his thrusts. I thought I saw stars with every deep stroke he gave me. We were probably making a lot of noise between my moans and his grunts, but we didn’t care. We fucked like animals with our new jock bodies and we weren’t ashamed of it!

It only took us another few minutes of fucking before we were both close. Akshay pulled out and let me down to the ground. We then started tugging our dicks together until we covered both ourselves and the shower stall with our cum. We were both panting as we shot load after load of our sweet spunk out. We then made out again one last time while we were still covered with each other’s cum before the shower washed it away. It was hot, and it was definitely the last body hopping adventure we needed before our powers expired for good.

Once we finished having our fun, Jack and I were ready to leave. We never bothered cleaning up, we just depossessed the bodies and let them take care of it. Jack and I shared one last loving look as Akshay and Kabir before leaving. However, when we tried forcing our souls out of their bodies, we couldn’t! No matter how hard or how much we tried, we just couldn’t leave! We ended up having to clean up after ourselves for once. We did that quickly, then got dressed and left the gym as fast as we could. We had no idea what was going on! But then I caught a glimpse of the time. It was already 1:30AM! It was already the next day! It was supposed to be a quickie, but I guess Jack and I got a little carried away…

All this happened two years ago. We’ve been living as Akshay and Kabir ever since then. Even to this day, neither of us know what could’ve happened that we’d end up trapped in these bodies. If I had to take a guess, I’d wager that when the witch said that our powers would expire permanently, she meant it way more seriously than Jack and I expected. Without those powers, we couldn’t even return to our original bodies! I don’t know, but honestly, I don’t care anymore. If anything, we’ve been blessed to have Akshay and Kabir’s lives as our own. Sure, Akshay’s new family is super traditional and they’re already setting him up for a bride, but that doesn’t matter to us. We still meet up in secret when nobody’s around. No matter who we are, we are lovers and nothing will ever take that away from us.

We’re not sure how exactly we’re gonna get past an arranged family, but as long as Akshay is by my side, we can overcome anything.

#male possession

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kt-the-lee · 3 months

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No Longer Ruined - Hazbin Hotel Tickle Fic (HuskerDust)

A/N hi everyone!! this is my first fanfic on this account, i used to write a fair bit on my old deactivated account but I stopped for a couple years so i’m a little bit rusty, but i just love these two so much that i simply HAD to write for them! (this was also really self-indulgent for me to write so i hope you enjoy AHHHHH)

inspired by this post by @duckymcdoorknob : “We interrupt our usual programming to bring forth Angel Dust who is terrified of being tickled (bc of Val) until Husk shows him that it doesn’t have to always be torturous.”

Lee!AngelDust, Ler!Husk

warnings: very brief mentions of Angel’s job (not very much detail but important context to the story), sad!Angel

Word count: 2,133

One thing about Angel Dust is that he HATED being tickled.

Well, that wasn’t a complete truth. It was his favourite thing in the world once upon a time, but then it got ruined by various jobs that Val made him undergo. And that did make him quite sad, he wished he could have it in his life again, but he feared it was associated with one too many bad memories at this point.

And now, the thought of it terrified him.

This was made all too apparent when Charlie (the resident tickle monster of the Hazbin Hotel) decided to attack Vaggie in the middle of the lobby one afternoon. This was a regular occurrence, and everyone usually watched fondly as the usually stoic Vaggie let herself laugh (that is until the tables turned and Charlie then gets absolutely destroyed, she may initiate most tickle fights but usually ends up spectacularly losing them!). However, this was the first time Angel had witnessed this spectacle.

And he just couldn’t bring himself to watch.

The laughs mixed with screams, the squirming, the panicked breathing, it just sent him to a dark place. Where the masses chuckled and cooed at the girlfriends’ antics, Angel felt his breathing hitch and an unpleasant anxiety building in his stomach. Tears pricked in his eyes and he tried to inconspicuously leave the room, unnoticed. Or so he thought.

“Hey, what’s up, you okay?”

Angel turned around and saw Husk, head tilted, a concerned look on his face. Panic shot through him; “oh shit, did everyone notice me leave? That must’ve looked REALLY fucking weird, how am I going to explain-”

“Relax, nobody else saw you go,” Husk said gently, sitting on a nearby couch and directed Angel to take the place next to him. “Everyone was far too distracted watching those dumbasses wreck each other, although it’s a frequent occurrence it does never get boring!” he chuckled as the laughter from the lobby turned up a notch, but then frowned when he saw Angel visibly flinch at the sound.

“I’ve… never seen ‘em do this before,” he explained as he took the seat next to Husk, tensing up slightly as a paw was placed around his shoulders but immediately relaxed. He trusted Husk, perhaps more than anyone in this godforesaken place. But could he explain this?

Husk looked at the spider with concern in his eyes. He was triggered, clearly, but he couldn’t quite piece together why the girls tickling each other had caused this.

“Do you wanna talk about it, Angel? We don’t gotta, but you know I’d never judge you for anything. We’re both losers, don’t ya forget that, so nothing is off-limits.”

Angel looked up at the cat, debating for a full minute as to whether he was going to indulge. However, as he heard Charlie squeal from the room over from them and physically had to hide his head in his hands, he figured an explanation was desrved.

“I… just…” he stuttered, trying to find the words. “They’ve been ruined for me.”

Husk looked slightly confused. “What have? Tickles?”

“Yeah… there was a week-long shoot a few years back, and it always got taken too far. Lotta ignoring of safewords and not stopping even though I begged and begged and begged, my body felt like it was going to shut down-“ Angel shuddered as he remembered. “I’ve done a lot of weird shit for this job, Husk, ya know? And you know I love to relinquish control. But this, by far, was the one time I felt the most trapped and suffocated.”

The usually stoic Husk felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. Sure, tickling was torturous, that was the POINT. But it was also supposed to have an aspect of fun and trust and love behind it, and the fact that Val had taken that from him made him both upset and absolutely fuming.

“Fuck me, that’s intense.” Husk couldn’t find the words for awhile. “And also fully understandable as to why you’d be triggered now.”

A scream and a giggly “NOHOHOHOT THEHEHEHEERE” from Charlie in the other room made Angel tense somehow harder than he was before, and Husk tightened his hold around his shoulders.

“If it’s any reassurance, the girls’ dumba ass tickle fights are nothing like that, there’s a lot of silliness and love behind it and it would never ever get taken that far” said Husk, trying to reassure the spider. “Infact, I’m fairly sure they both love every second of it, no matter how much they protest in the moment.”

“Oh I know that, really I do.” said Angel. “ I know what they’re MEANT to be like, it’s like I said, they were ruined for me.”

Oh?

So that meant…

“You used to like being tickled?” Husk enquired, a slight grin in his voice as he enjoyed the thought of his sweet spider enjoying something so silly. That thought was fleeting as he realised how that was no longer true because of his job, and Val. God. the things he could do to that bastard for breaking Angel like this…

Angel nodded, cheeks burning slightly. “A whole lot, used to ask Cherry for it all the time. But I fear I’m too far gone now, I’m too scared it’ll go too far and people won’t stop.” Angel sighed, and flinched again as the laughter somehow got EVEN LOUDER through the walls (what on EARTH was Vaggie doing to Charlie?). “I want to like it again, I do think about it a lot still.”

“We can try now, if you like?”

Husk looked into Angel’s eyes to gauge his reaction. He couldn’t tell by that one sentence if he had just put the fear of god into him, or hit the nail on the head with exactly the best way to fix this.

Angel couldn’t tell, either. On the one hand, the thought of being tickled again terrified him. He had managed to avoid it as much as he could outside of work, and even in work he would try and steer the content towards other things. However, he knew deep down that he wanted this back in his life. He trusted Husk, so maybe this would be the perfect way to ease back into it? He deliberated, and made his decision.

“Yeah… okay.”

Husk breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn’t overstepped a boundary, and felt the grin returning to his face as he figured out the best way to do this.

“Anything I should know before we try this out? Now is the time for boundaries, my little spider-” said Husk, a teasing tone already etched into his voice which made Angel chuckle and roll his eyes.

“Stop when I tell you to-“

“That’s a given, dumbass, I was gonna do that anyway.”

That made Angel relax, he wasn’t used to people listening to his pleas. Maybe this would actually be okay…

“Oh… okay! Uhhhh, no foot stuff please, that was always Val’s… yeah. Favourite. So that’d probably send me into a panic.”

He thought for a second.

“Otherwise…. youregoodtogo-“ he mumbled as he buried his face in Husk’s chest, preparing himself. Oh god, what if this was a bad idea? What if he just hated it no matter what? What if he yelled at or hurt Husk? What if-

All thoughts in his head were silenced as the paw that was placed on his shoulder began to walk ever-so-gently around his bicep. Husk traced his entire upper arm slowly and delicately, before moving all the way round to where Angel’s underarm met his ribcage.

“This okay?”

Angel could only nod, a trace of a smile forming on his lips as Husk began to lightly scritch the spot. Nothing too intense, nothing that would overhelm him. But it couldn’t be ignored.

Husk felt the spider tense up below him as he used one claw to dance lazy, gentle circles around Angel’s ribcage. He glanced down to make sure he was okay, but it seemed to be more of a tickly flinch than an uncomfortable jerk away, so he persisted, adding more claws to slowly intensify the sensation.

It was then that he heard it.

The giggles.

And it was just the sweetest sound Husk had ever heard.

In fact, he got so distracted by the sound of Angel’s giggles that he subconsciously stopped tickling him to listen. Which, of course, stopped the giggles.

“Hey, ya didn’t need to stop!” said Angel, surprising himself.

“Oh I know… I just got distracted by something” chuckled Husk, beginning the movement of his claws again, as slow and as gentle as before. Angel tensed and giggled again, but didn’t seem to be protesting too much.

Angel had missed this. He had missed being in a safe place where he was free to be held and just let someone dote on him for a bit. Head empty, no control, no expectations, to just relax and feel happy. He couldn’t help his arm flinching against Husks gentle tickles around his ribcage, but he also noticeably lent into both Husk himself and his paws on his ribs.

Husk took this positive body language and gentle giggles to turn it up a notch, scratching with slightly more intent and pressure, making wigging motions with his paw. He also walked his fingers down from Angel’s ribcage to the sides of his stomach.

The spider’s gentle giggles quickly became slightly louder laughs as Husk did this, and initially felt a zap of panic. However, it was impossible to feel unsafe in the arms of the cat, so he let himself feel the sensations. It wasn’t TOO intense, but it was certainly enough for him to squirm and cackle, especially when Husk added a second paw to mirror his actions on the opposite side at the same time.

“Hehehehehey!!” laughed Angel. “Thahahahat was uncahahahahalled for!!”

“Oh was it now?” teased Husk, feeling a little more confident that he wouldn’t end up overwhelming Angel at this point. “Because I don’t hear you protesting, baby. Infact, I’d probably say you’re having a pretty swell time right now!”

“Shuhuhuhut uhuhuhup” protested Angel, cheeks burning redder than the skies of Hell itself. “Teheheheasing mahahahahakes it wOHOHOHORSE-“

Upon the last word of his sentence, Husk moved both of his tickling paws to the front of his stomach, spidering the spider’s belly like there was no tomorrow. Angel SQUEALED, throwing his head back into Husk’s shoulder as he tried and failed to whine about quite how mean he was being right now.

Despite this, there was one thing that Angel couldn’t deny. Fucking hell, he could never deny how much he’d missed this. To be able to enjoy being tickled again without the fear of boundaries being disrespected and his every part of his body panicking as strangers took advantage of him, under Val’s perverted instruction.

“You doing okay down there?!” Husk chuckled, checking in as Angel arched his back and fell backwards onto the couch. Husk had one paw kneading into an armpit whilst the other made various shapes into his tummy. This seemed to be a killer combination as Angel snorted in his cackles and basically folded his body in half.

The cat slowed his attack to let Angel catch his breath, which may have been perfect timing as the spider managed to breathe out a “Stohohop nohohoho mohohore” through his depleting giggles. This made Husk briefly panic, thinking he had took it too far and this had all been for nothing. But the persistent grin and sniling eyes of Angel reassured him that he hadn’t put a foot wrong. Or, rather, a paw wrong.

“Thahahahat was fun” said Angel, residual giggles still pouring from his mouth as he sat himself up, rubbing the leftover tickly feelings away from his torso. “Might take a few goes and a bit of practice, but it certainly is an improvement to fifteen minutes ago!”

Husk felt his heart melt as Angel cuddled back into him and, as the room silenced, the laughter from Charlie and Vaggie’s ordeal STILL could be heard through the walls. However, now it made Angel smile fondly as opposed to being terrified for his life.

“How are they STILL going?” pondered Husk, shaking his head fondly at the sounds from the other room

Angel shrugged, and laughed as he heard Charlie let out a noise not too dissimilar to a squeal that he himself had produced moments earlier. “Shall we go and observe?”

Husk grinned and nodded, tweaking Angel’s side before taking his hand. Angel flinched and tutted at the cat, but couldnt hide the endearing look in his eyes as they ventured back into the lobby to observe the girlfriends tickle fight.

It certainly was a happy day in Hell.

#hazbin tickles #hazbin hotel tickle #lee!angeldust #ler!husk #tickle community #sfw tickle #sfw tickle community #sfw tickling #tickle fic #tickle fanfic #huskerdust tickles #tickles #tickle #sfw tk community #sfw tk blog

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hellishgayliath · 2 months

Text

Clem’s Log

Hi big brother. Today’s March 10th I think? I’m not so great at remembering dates but Papa was dead set on it because that’s your birthday, it’s amazing how he’s able to remember stuff like that after all this time.

I know it’s been a while since we talked, ever since you left I had to take over bird scout duties and just never had the time to sit down and write. Everyone’s been on edge. Y’know I still hold onto that jar of cinnamon sticks you gave me. Started chewing on them out of habit whenever the anxiety and dread was getting to my head. They taste just like home..

…

Um..

Papa told me he saw you again.

When he and a couple of the others were out on patrol with Mr. Leo and big sis Luci I mean COUSIN SERGEANT Luci haha, I think she’d resent me calling her that but I know she secretly adores me.

…

They said.. they said when they saw you you were.. already turned.

You knucklehead I guess that’s why you left in the first place but to leave without saying anything to anybody?! You know Uncle Mikey would’ve helped you like he did with the others that were infected. Or did you already know that it would’ve been pointless? Don’t you at least owe your own little sister a goodbye?! Dummy dum dumdum..

…

Papa thought he could somehow magically get through to you, y’know make you remember who you were before life went crazy.

I heard from Mr. Leo that Luci tried to stop Papa from acting like a idiot and getting himself killed. But she ended up getting hurt instead.

Bad.

…

Next thing Papa knew, you and Luci were on the ground, with only one of you moving. Judging by Mr. Leo’s face when I saw him come in, he looked very torn and distraught about a very tough call he had to make. I can already guess what it was he had to do. Cousin Luci is in rough shape but insists on rejecting any medical help saying it’d just be a waste of time and resources. Doesn’t she know we’re just trying to help her? The dumdum… Don’t tell her I called her that. I just don’t want to lose her too.

…

Papa said he could’ve sworn he saw a little smile on your face when he cradled you. Maybe that’s you finally realizing you’re not being controlled by those monsters anymore and can now be at peace knowing you can’t hurt anybody else. At least that’s how I see it. It must have been terrifying to go through that alone.

…

It’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not FAIR IT’S NOT FAIR

They said they couldn’t even bring your body back because of safety reasons and that it would put the base at risk of being tracked so I couldn’t even get to see you one last time!

I miss my big brother, I miss your dumb goofy smile, I miss us having bug eating competitions and laughing at you nearly choking on a beetle, I miss falling asleep on each other while watching tv, I miss seeing you chase after the raccoons with a broomstick whenever they raided our trash cans, I miss the dogs, I miss the taste of fresh fruit, I miss our HOME! I just want this nightmare to be done with. I’m just so.. tired..

…

Papa told me they at least gave him the chance to make a grave for you and to say his goodbyes. I should’ve been there with him saying them together.

He just looks so defeated and sad. I insisted to him that we at least put together a funeral service for you so the rest of us can say our peace.

…

It was nice.

Uncle Mikey and Bao combined their powers to transform the room into a beautiful recreation of a lush meadow full of butterflies and yellow daffodils while Mr. Tello played some lovely music he still had saved recorded in his tech. It was so tranquil it almost makes you forget for a second you’re in an apocalyptic hell scape.

I think you would've loved it.

…

Talk to you again soon and happy birthday you numbskull. I love you.

I miss you..

youtube

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sturniozo · 3 months

Text

Our Lips Are Sealed III

Masterlist

Nate’s POV

Y/n goes to her room, not saying much after we got home. It’s nothing unusual though, after a day out with people she doesn’t talk much. It’s like she has a daily word limit that she uses up when she’s with people, then when she comes home she has no words left.

I close the door to my bedroom, which is across the hall from y/n’s. I sit on my bed and immediately go to FaceTime Chris.

He picks up after a moment. “What’s up?” He says.

“Don’t flirt with y/n! I told you that, dude!” I say.

Chris laughs. “I wasn’t flirting with her.”

“You keep doing shit like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like that stunt you pulled today.”

Chris laughs again. “Stunt? What stunt? Giving her my flannel? She was cold-“

“You were holding her.”

“What’s wrong with that? We’re just friends it’s not like-“

“Not like what?” I say to him. I sigh. “Look, man, I’m not trying to… she’s my little sister. She’s not…”

“I know.” He says. “And I won’t try anything with her, I swear. I was just being nice, being a friend.”

I nod. “I know.”

Y/N’S POV

My head hurt when I woke up the next morning. Like a pounding in my skull. My mouth and throat were so dry it felt like my tongue had cracked. I squeeze my eyes shut as I groan. I look over at my nightstand, the empty cans of peace tea had fallen over and were of no use to me now.

I groan as I get up from my bed. I reach to grab the numerous cans as I walk out of my room with them, carrying them down the stairs. I throw them into our can bin in the kitchen, then walk to the fridge to pull out another fresh one.

I turn around, seeing Chris staring at me. My face immediately goes beet red. “What are you doing here?” I ask.

Chris just stares at me. His eyes go down to my legs and I remember I’m not wearing pants, as I never do to bed. I just hate the feeling of fabric on my legs as I sleep.

I pull my shirt down to cover myself, dropping the can to the ground. Luckily it had remained unopened. “Chris!” I shout since he didn’t answer me. His eyes jolt from my legs to my eyes.

“Sorry! I- Nate invited me and Nick and Matt over, he said you usually sleep late…” Chris trails off.

“I do… I just needed a drink.” I pull my shirt down to cover myself more.

“Yeah, let me get that for you.” Chris says bashfully as he leans down and picks up my tea can. He hands it to me, staring into my eyes and a blush creeps up my cheeks.

“I’d wait a bit to open it.” He says.

“It’s not carbonated.” I mumble back.

Chris just hums as he stands still in front of me. We stand staring each other in the eyes for a bit, before Chris finally pulls away. “I’m gonna go back up to Nate’s room…” he says as he starts walking away.

“Okay.” I reply. I hold the car tightly in my hands as I watch Chris walk up the stairs and disappear in the hallway. After I hear the door to Nate’s room close I walk up the stairs myself, going to my room.

As I pass Nate’s room I hear them speaking.

“How do you go downstairs to get chips and not even get chips?” Nate asks.

“I uh, I got distracted.” Chris says.

“By what, sunlight?” Nick jokes.

“No, by… y/n.” Chris says.

There’s a pause before Nate says “I didn’t think she’s awake yet.” He laughs.

“She just woke up, apparently.” Chris says.

I decide not to eavesdrop any longer and head to my room, softly shutting the door behind me. I sit on my bed, opening my can of tea and taking a long sip before setting it down on my night stand.

I take my laptop from the edge of my messy bed and set it on my lap, opening it and typing in my password. I open up Disney to watch my current fixation, a movie I’ve seen so many times. It’s a comfort. The familiarity brings me a sense of peace.

I move the time back to the beginning, starting it over. I pull out some skittles from my drawer of my nightstand. If Nate saw me eating skittles for breakfast he’d freak out, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

The movie starts with the song I’m so familiar with. Just hearing it makes me happy. I sort through my skittles, picking out three of each color before eating them one at a time, in a certain order.

A few hours pass. After the first movie I watch another one I’m fond of that brings me joy. Around halfway through the second movie I hear a knock on my door.

“Hey it’s Nate.”

I look up. “You may enter.” I say.

He opens the door and looks at me. “I didn’t know if you were changing or something.” He says, laughing softly.

I laugh with him. “I’m just watching Netflix.” I tell him.

He notices the skittles on my bed. “Please tell me you ate something else before you ate those.” He says.

I pause for a moment before replying. “I had tea.”

“Tea is not breakfast.” He says.

I shrug. “I don’t like breakfast.”

Nate rolls his eyes. “The guys and I were gonna order pizza, did you want anything? We can get you your own if you’d like.” He says.

I shrug. “Just the usual.” I tell him. Nate knows my comfort foods, my favorites that’s I always eat. It changed every few months, but he’s always so attentive to know which ones they are when they change.

“Alright.” Nate shrugs and begins to close the door. He stops and says. “If you want, you can hang out with me and the guys.”

I bite my lip. I don’t know how awkward it will be with Chris after this morning. I bring myself to nod. “Okay, yeah.” I say and shut my laptop. I stand up from my bed and Nate walks out of my room.

I walk to my dresser and pull out a pair of shorts and a new shirt. I quickly change into my clothes and walk out of my room and peak into Nate’s. No one there.

I shake the confusion off and walk downstairs, and see them all on the couch. All four boys are arguing over what movie to watch when the pizza gets here.

“Horror.” Nate says. “There’s nothing better than horror and pizza!” He says.

“No!” Nick whines. “I have horror movies!”

“I still think we should watch a superhero movie.” Matt says as he crosses his arms and leans back on the couch.

“I agree with Matt.” Chris says.

I walk out from behind the corner of the stairs and walk to behind the couch.

“Hey, n/n.” Nate says. “We’re just trying to pick a movie.”

“Let’s go with superhero, come on!” Nick says.

“Fine, fine.” Nate holds up his hands in surrender. “Come on, y/n, sit down.”

Nate scoots over on the couch to make room for me between him and Chris. I sit down and Chris almost immediately puts his arm over my shoulder.

“You look different with pants on.” Chris jokes, causing me to blush.

Nate shoots up from the couch, glaring at Chris. “The fuck did you just say?”

TAGS: @bernardenjoyer @sturniolosreads @mbbsgf @xxsadlovexx @whicked-hazlatwhore @sturnsgirl @keira324 @stuniolobbg @timmyscomputer @meg-sturniolo @sturnioloenthusiast @nickdevora @hearts4chris @carolinalikesthings @mattscokewhore @urfavpouge @savageking3 @tastesousweet @jko3005 @sturniolo0ntop @dwalk41202 @stvrnise @iloveneilperry @luvmxtt @blueeyedbesson @iloveurgf @mattswifr @that-chris-girl01

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grapejuicestyless · 1 month

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Linger Like A Tattoo Kiss

JJ Maybank x fem!reader

Summery: After running away from a long term relationship to chase after a summer fling, JJ is left with the pieces of what once was. He can try to get it back, but at the end of the day JJ always fucks up.(Inspired by the folklore love triangle and Normal People.)

“I really hated you for a while.”

Crickets fill the void of silence, a puff of smoke dancing from the old pot beside her, a cigarette squished out in her wilting daffodils. Her hands fist at the hems of her sweater, pulling it impossibly closer to her body, stretching out the stitching and crossing her arms to keep it in place.

“I saw a girl walk by hand in hand with this boy. He had lipstick all over his face, and I felt bad for the girl, I really did, and I had no reason to. They seemed happy enough to have each other, no wandering eyes or anything like that. I guess they just reminded me of us y’know? With the kissing and all that. Figured if we were once like that, who’s to say he won’t go and hurt her too? It’s a real cruel thing to assume, I suppose. To think love is damned just because it was for us.”

“Don’t say that.” She says it so casually that I almost miss the tears in her eyes she blinks at rapidly.

“Well we were.” She laughs bitterly.

“You always did have a wandering eye. Thought it was just people watching because I thought I knew you. It’s probably for the best that I don’t, you and your reckless thinking but you know, strangers don’t kiss like that. Almost makes me feel bad for you that in our entire life together I knew nothing about you, but then I remember what you did and I feel better for it.”

She looks up from her feet which have been crossed underneath her this whole time, shoulders pressed against the old doorframe of her even older house.

“So why are you here, JJ?” She finally asks, cardigan falling from under her arms and her fists pulling down her jean pockets.

“Why’d you answer?”

Nodding slowly, she thinks about it, smiling to herself before scooting over the threshold and swinging the door by its rusting handle.

My hand spreads flat against the chipped yellow paint, an old mark left behind from where the mail box used to be before people stopped sending letters and the metal rusted right off of the wood.

“P-please! Please, Y/n/n.”

Looking at her watching me, I see that she doesn’t hate me like she said she did, not anymore. But she doesn’t love me and I can see that too. It’s like I’m nonexistent to her, neither good nor bad.

“I know I hurt you, believe me I do. I just need you to hear me now so I can explain myself.”

“I’ll never love you again, if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t expect you to. I just hope you’ll hear me and understand that I still do.” The screen door that separated the wooden one and the humid outdoors shook the whole frame of the house when it slammed shut again, her bare feet padding across the splintering wood to lead me away from her front steps.

“I haven’t seen you in months, JJ. You had all summer to make me see you and you wait until August is over? Did you enjoy spending July a bachelor too much or did you forget about me when you were six shots deep at the boneyard?” She tries to spin her anger like it’s a joke, but when she turns her head I can still see the twitching of her bottom lip. She pulls the soft flesh between her teeth to keep it still.

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me.” She laughs.

“You were right.” I smile back at her, but it’s strained.

“Would it be wrong of me to blame it on my father?” I ask only half serious, hands stuffed in my front pockets and feet dragging in the dirt next to hers.

“I don’t think it would be wrong. Manipulative, maybe, but not wrong.”

“Well it’s true.” She scoffs, rolling her eyes away from me.

“You don’t believe me?” I ask, eyebrows furrowed.

“I think it can be half true. Maybe, if what you claim is the reason, your father did influence you to do what you did, but he did not make you do it. You did.”

Looking at her, though she sounded like she was smiling, I find that she was not. She even looked distant, detached from the conversation and uninterested at best.

“I don’t need to tell you how he gets, but I owe it to you to explain it to you now.” She stops just short of the old hammock strung from a big oak tree and a weaker dead one. It reminds me of the one back at the chateau, only more well loved and faded than John B’s.

“You don’t owe me shit.” She acts tough but she doesn’t move either and it tells me that she really does want to listen. At least part of her, anyway.

“Usually I don’t believe the shit he says. He’s a bitter drunk, he won’t even remember what he was thinking in an hour. But when he brought up your name, I don’t know, I couldn’t not buy it a little bit.” I scratch my arm and she says nothing.

“I mean, what would he know about young love? Abusive fuck with an absent wife, no love in his bitter old heart for his only blood but damn it beats when he’s beating on me. Guess I saw myself in him, to be honest. I’m always angry, and I’ve gotten better at hiding it but I’m furious just the same. I’m afraid I’ll inherit more than his temper, I’m already halfway to being knee deep in my own shit.”

She rolls her lips between her teeth, breathing out calmly.

“I don’t feel bad for you, JJ. I wish I did, I really do, but I just can’t. You’re a nice boy, you have decent morals and a good group of friends. It’s evident in you, no matter where you get it from. You are a bad person, I won’t lie to you and tell you, you aren’t because you are. Maybe I do feel bad for you then, but not because of what you’ve done but because you’re just now realizing it.”

“Y/n/n.”

“Look, you told me to listen and I have. You told me your half but I don’t owe you any of mine. You broke it, you don’t get the privilege of fixing it.”

When she turns on her heals I can see the dirt caked onto the bottom of her feet and I can feel it too. The same feeling of running wild when you’re still so young and naive to the real world and all its issues. I can feel the dirt between my own toes even if it’s not there.

“I won’t stop trying, you know.” I call out flatly.

“I already told you, I’ll never love you again JJ. I meant it.” She sighs heavily, spinning to walk backwards.

“I don’t need you to love me, I just need you to like me again. And I won’t stop it until we laugh like we used to.”

She doesn’t talk, but I catch her smile. It looks like shes not with the way her face scrunches in the fading sunlight but her lips are too upturned for her to not be.

“You came back.”

“I told you I would.” I smile with half my teeth, a toothpick dangling from my bottom lip and a new cut caked in dried blood evening it out on the top half.

“You were never one to keep your promises.” She talks from the windowsill by the kitchen. I can see her knees just under her chest and her socks scrunched up. She’s got her bottom on the counter and some baby carrots between her fingers drenched in ranch. Crunching away at them and double dipping.

“Maybe all this heartbreak has you losing your mind. I never broke any promises, I can promise you that Y/n/n.”

“You promised to always love me.” My confidence falters, she’s got a winning smirk and her knees beneath her now. Her elbows sit on the wooden frame and her head leans over the window to talk to me more clearly.

“Who said I stopped?”

I had her, I could see it in her eyes that I had her.

Y/n was never the strongest willed person I knew, but she had dignity and lots of loyalty that made her tough to crack. Even then, years of friendship built as a foundation for a long term relationship and a steady heartbeat in her chest made it hard to stop contact all together, even if she knew it was for the best. Which is why I knew I could crack her eventually, just not this quickly.

“Well,” she sighs, throwing her legs off of the counter to rinse her dishes in the sink. Her shorts are wet on the hems from the pooling water she sat on and her shirt is faded from the sun and the quick dry cycle on her dryer, “I guess I’m the one who couldn’t keep that promise then.”

“You don’t love me?”

“J,” she breathes heavy through her nose, “I loved you for so long, even before you knew. God, I think if you weren’t so blind you could have seen it too. You might as well have hung the stars and the moon for me. I loved so hard for so long. What we had, JJ, what we have done. We’ve done so much good for one another.” She sighs, hopping back up into her previous spot and leaning in just a little closer so she can rest her head on the windows frame. Her leg dangles outside of the house and her arms wrap around the knee of the other tightly. She looks smaller like this and I can see the darkness in her eyes clearer now.

“What if I never move on?”

The question lingers in the air like the cigarette smoke that danced in the sky last night.

“I can’t make you feel something you don’t. I guess that’s the scary part. I can keep reminding you of what you did and you’ll never quit, will you?”

I shake my head.

“You know I love you.” My elbows rest against the wooden plank underneath the bend of her knee. If I lean too close my thumb would brush against her skin and she’d surely run.

“And I know it’s hypocritical for me to say when all is done is done, but there is no girl, no person that will ever make me feel the same way as I do for you.”

It falls silent between us and I can see now that her sad smile has turned into a frown, like some guilt has started to eat at her when she has nothing to feel sorry for.

“I’ll stay.” I hum softly, a quiet promise just between us, “And I’ll never leave again. You don’t have to love me like you once did, but I do think you make me a better person.”

“And if I go?” She mumbles back, eyebrows relaxing into her sunken face and slouched posture. She looks tired, a whirlwind of a spring leading into the fall taking all her old charm from her aching bones.

“Then I’ll follow you. Wherever you go, I’ll be there and we’ll be okay.”

She looks at me unsure, unbelieving and she’s smart for it. There’s not a thing I’ve proven to her that shows her I’m reliable, not a bone in my body has the ability to be that for her all the time. But I’d like to be if she’d let me again. And I would fuck it up this time.

“It’s over now, anyway. I guess it’s a stupid question to have asked when there no point to it. Guess I just wanted to know the answer. Make me feel better.”

That was the thing about Y/n, she always spoke her mind full and true no matter what. She doesn’t need to tell me why she’s said something but she always does. Even if she hasn’t done anything like she’s done now. When we were dating I thought it was because she could never stop talking, but looking back on it I guess she was never really loud. Only at parties and when she was scared. She rambles when she’s nervous I’ve realized, and I think it’s funny because it also means she can’t lie because either way the truth will come out.

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be.”

Silence fills the space between us again, her body fidgeting at how close we’ve gotten, breaking her unwritten rule of keeping me at an arms length.

I can see her fingertips searching for her old lighter and her pack of cigarettes. She was never really a smoker, only doing what everyone else had done but I assumed she had picked up the habit while I was away. It made me sad in a sense, not because they were being used, but because she had always been that girl in middle school who would keep them away from all of us. Weed? Sure! But she was smarter than me and most of the other kids who were broke and just wanted some relief, so I guess my heart just hurts seeing how she doesn’t really care anymore.

“Do you want one?” I shake my head no.

“Since when do you smoke?”

“Since when do you care?” The paper is between her lips, balancing on the sticky pink lipgloss she’s coated on her lips.

I shrug, looking at her manicured hands, delicate and smooth cupping around the end where the flame lights just below the end of the cigarette to keep the wind from blowing it out.

“Just didn’t read you as someone who would.” She laughs.

“Yeah, I was kind of stuck up when we were younger, huh?”

“I don’t think thats the right word.” She looks at me, taking the stick away from her mouth and tipping her head back to blow the smoke out.

“What word would you use then?” She smiles down at her hand, rubbing her wrists down her legs and her cheek against her knees.

“Careful, probably.”

She sticks out her tongue, groaning and sitting back against the window frame.

“Might as well call me boring then, right? Can see why you would want to run away with someone so much more…exciting.” She rolls her eyes playfully, lifting the cigarette back to her lips.

“How many more times are you going to say it?” My fingers wrap around the stick, lifting it to my own lips and covering the mark her own had made before putting it out against the back of my hand.

“Me saying it less won’t make it any less true.”

Maybe a smart ass would be the right word to call her. Heartbreak be damned, she was always quick on her tongue only now she had motivation to shoot for the kill.

“Have a nice night, JJ.” Her legs swing over to the cool counter tops where she scoots herself down and back onto the floor. I can see she’s wearing a baby blue bra when she bends over to shut the window, not that I was looking, and she smiles unenthusiastically until she’s turned the corner out of my sight.

“You’d think after a month of this you’d be bored.” She laughs, mittens covering her fingers and a soft cardigan over her heavy sweatshirt. Her nose is numbing from the cold and the grass is crunching underneath the winter frost.

“I could never be bored of you, Y/n/n.”

She opens her mouth to speak, but bites her tongue with a gentle smile. Her cheeks glow and her eyes avoid looking into mine. The plants by her feet are long gone, only weeds that have frozen left behind among the cigarette stubs from all of our small talk by her windows and on her porch. Even with the constant sweeping, we’ve both picked up on the habit and we burn through them each meeting.

“Well, I’m not so sure about that.” She laughs more to herself than to me, hands crossed under her arms and shoulder pressed against the door.

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know, I suppose I’m just not all that interesting of a person. Not much about me that makes me special.”

Theres a bitter windchill that weaves its way between us and a relentless shiver that travels up my spine and down to my fingertips.

“Well I think you’re plenty interesting.” I smile proudly, almost foolishly at her and wait for her reaction.

She only hums with a puff through her nose and nods, and when her eyes flicker back up to mine they seem a little bit more focused in on me than before.

“I think you’re very pretty too, by the way.”

She laughs again, holding her index under her nose and crinkling her eyes.

“Don’t.” She braces herself further into the doorway and lulls her head back for a moment before coming back.

“Well it’s true!”

“I would hope so, I mean we were together for, how long?”

I fake offense that she doesn’t have the days counted down like I do. Years to months to days to hours to seconds, I have it all calculated in my head.

“You’re relentless, do you know that JJ?”

“I’ve been told a few times, yes.” It’s my turn to laugh, shifting from the heals of my feet to the balls of my toes. I shove my hands deep into my pockets and pray she doesn’t see the blue of my lips and send me home.

It goes quiet for a brief moment, our breathing pausing in our throats and the cold air releasing foggy puffs through the parts of our lips. It doesn’t get as cold as it would up in New England here, but the frost still nips away at the thin skin I’ve grown and bites at the tips of my fingers and the bottoms of my toes.

“How’s Pope doing?” Her breathing has gone heavy again.

I know she’s specifically asked for Pope because he’s the only one who truly saw my faults. John B and Sarah far too woven into their own web of unfaithfulness and Kiara too unbothered to care. Pope was always the most sensible out of us, so when I came home after nearly half a decade unfazed and claiming to have ended things without solid grounds to stand on, he let me have it. In his dad’s truck, specifically.

Driving downtown to the rich side of the island with bags of groceries slung over each shoulder and the bumps in the road shaking the plastic outrageously loud. I told him first, and part of me knew he would see my mistakes and call them out, but I hadn’t and I didn’t want to. I’d never seen him so mad, threatening to pull over if I didn’t make things right.

You can’t force a person to love someone forever, and you can’t force a person to change their behavior if they can’t see it’s broken. Pope couldn’t have done anything to make me go back. If I had, I would have faced her teary eyes and sad smile telling me that she was alright as long as I was well. She believed me when I said we were better for it, and sometimes I wished that I had picked a girl who could fight.

“He’s well. His dad too, actually. Started making deliveries to the far side of the island to make more money. By this time next year hopefully he’ll be on his way to college.”

“Well, he always was the smart one.”

She smiles underneath her mitten clad hand, looking at her feet.

“We all got lucky, you know? Having someone like him around. It’ll be weird without him around so often anymore.” My thumbs press harder into the bottoms of my pockets to savor the warmth radiating from my thighs.

“I like Pope, he always was my favorite.”

I nod, smiling into the silence again.

“Is he still your best friend, then?” She asks plainly, not really looking for much of an answer.

“No.”

She cocks her head, leaning all of her weight into the wooden door frame.

“Why’s that then? Has John B finally made you lose your mind?”

She never really did like John B. He was loyal and she respected him for it, but he was just like me. He was good but he wasn’t a good person.

“No.” I answer again, trying to hide my growing smile, “You are.”

“That’s funny.”

“It wasn’t a joke.”

She laughs through her nose.

“Yeah well, we barely talk so, I don’t think I can be your best friend.”

“Well you are.”

“Well then thats sad.” She looks at me sympathetically, sticking out her bottom lip in a pout.

“I don’t get to do this with anyone else.”

“Do what?”

“This.” I motion with my hands. “Just sit and talk, even if it’s only for a moment. I guess I just feel better around you, I can’t explain it.”

She’s nodding her head thoughtfully at my words, pulling her mittens off and holding them in one hand carefully.

“JJ.”

I hum, looking up from where I’ve began to stare a hole into my boots.

“You should come in.”

“Okay.”

It’s been too long since I’ve smelled the warmth of the inside of her home. Soft vanilla mixed with the citrus and salt that can only be found in places surrounded by ocean. Yet, I can’t find this smell in any other place. Her perfume lingers beneath the surface of the smell but I can’t quite recall the name of it anymore. It drives me crazy when everything smells like her and I go mad wondering why I would have chased after another girl when I already had her.

“Sorry for the mess.” Her house is small, maybe just a bit smaller than mine but it’s nicer than mine.

She kicks a blanket that has fallen off of the arm of her plush couch into the corner, and I pick it up.

“No, it’s perfect.”

She laughs, opening the door to her room and situating herself underneath her worn in white bed sheets. I hesitate, unsure if she’s welcoming me in with her, though I wouldn’t mind just laying on the floor. She has this soft carpet by the side of her bed that would be comfortable enough for a short time. But to my surprise she does open the bedsheets, scooting over and letting me sit underneath the thick layers.

“I still don’t forgive you, by the way.” She mumbles as I climb in beside her, crossing her arms to prove something.

“I don’t expect you to.” I smile at her, and I catch her vaguely smiling back.

Sitting waist pressed to waist, the heavy comforter weighed down by her stack of blankets piled on top shifts into a tent as she crosses her legs. She pulls it up to her chest so she can hold it under her arms and I wonder how she’s not hot even in the winter chill. I can feel my own sweat sticking to my skin underneath my clothes. Her lighter flickers beside me, a ball of smoke tumbling past her lips before she passes it to me. She lights another for herself.

I laugh at a thought I have, but it comes out stiffed with the paper caught in my mouth.

“I bet you’d pretend not to know me if we bumped into each other.”

The smoke from the blunt I dangled between my fingers disperses into the air leaving a faint smell of weed behind in its wake. I can feel it on my teeth too when I smile.

She doesn’t say anything, staring at me with a gentle smile and serious eyes. Her watchful expression makes me realize how depressing my words were and how true they could be. I swallow, looking down at where the blankets have pooled in my lap.

“Sorry.”

“I would never pretend to not know you, JJ.” She looks at me honest.

“I don’t deserve that.” I confess to no one in particular. I just say it out loud as it comes to my mind and let the reality behind it sink in like a knife to the heart.

“You did bad things.” She swallows, “But you still stuck around after. You promised to make it right and you are. I guess what you’ve done doesn’t seem so bad to me now, even if it is, is what I’m trying to say. Compared to most people, you were actually pretty nice to me.” She smiles sadly and all I want to do is to wrap her in my arms and press soft kisses along the top of her head, but it’s no longer my place to do that and I’ve made it so.

“I wish it were different.”

“How?” She looks at me pitifully, water collecting on her lower lashes. I’m not sure where she’s put the burning paper, if it died between her manicured fingers or if she rubbed it out on one of the books beside her bed, but it’s no longer in her hands when her arms fall heavy against her duvet in defeat.

“I wish we never dated, at least not so soon.” It’s my turn to swallow now. “We would have been better for it. If we had grown up a little first.”

She shakes her head, looking back down at her covered lap.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Why?”

“I think we’d grow, but not by much. Growth doesn’t fully change a person and by facing adulthood I don’t think it would have made us end any differently. At the end of the day I’ll still turn to my cigarettes and you’ll still be drunk in the boneyard talking to some pretty tourist.”

“Well I like to think so.”

“And I think you’re naive for it.”

By now the smoke has dwindled down to fog around the room and the old blunt has died out between my index and my thumb.

“I would have done it differently.”

She hums, tell me more, it says.

“I would have bought you flowers. Not only on the special days but just because I love you. Wouldn’t need a reason to show it to you and I wouldn’t be stupid enough to run away from you either.”

I could list everything I could have done better for her endlessly but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s been done.

“We’re still so young, it’s hard to know where things start to go wrong.” She tries to reason, and our eyes avoid the others wearily.

Neither of us talk, listening to the whistling wind banging on the large windows and feeling the faint chill seeping through the walls.

“I don’t drink anymore.” She looks at me.

“Good for you.”

“I do stupid things when I get drunk, I get sloppy I suppose. Talk to people I shouldn’t, hate the wrong people and make everyone feel bad. I don’t really like that feeling. I don’t like being a bad person.” I confess, looking at her and remembering how she’s confirmed my deepest fears without knowing.

“You can be intense but eventually you mellow out and you’re okay again.” She shrugs.

“I know, and I know everybody knows I don’t mean it but if I can prevent it I will.”

She nods again, eyebrows furrowing and her teeth catching her bottom lip. She looks to me with a serious expression.

“What about you. Would you love me if you met me now?” She asks.

“I’ll always love you.”

“But if you didn’t know me, if you didn’t love me. If I was just some girl you’d seen on the beach or in town. Would you be able to love me then?”

“Eventually, yes.” I admit. “I like to think that in some fucked up way you were made for me.”

She smiles at that, picking at her nails shyly.

“Yeah?” She looks up at me with shy eyes.

“Yeah.”

The grass under my feet is soggy, but the warm sun beating down on our shoulders slowly dries it and the dripping leaves above us too. It wasn’t a long winter, but it never really is here. Spring had rolled around just a few months ago with endless showers and relentless sunshine following behind it. Pollen dances in the air in a heavy dusting and the bees have begun picking out the prettiest flowers and the early summer air hangs humid around us.

“You disappeared for a while.” Her hands fold underneath her elbows. She’s swapped out her heavy cardigans for graphic baby tees and faded jeans. Her hair is lighter now than it was in the winter, and she has more freckles on her face.

“It’s only been a few weeks.” She looks at me and I swear I can’t read her so I clear my throat.

“I picked up some shifts with Pope. Trying to save up some money so I can finally do something with myself I guess. You know, I was never really the smartest with my money.” She laughs.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be annoying. Just…missed you is all.” She smiles up at me with a look I haven’t seen in some time.

“You could never be annoying.”

“It’s funny because I was over here thinking that you probably hate me. It’s kind of pathetic because you weren’t really gone for long, but you’re really the only person who still talks to me.”

She leans back against the old wood of her house, her face finding shade underneath the small overhang of her porch.

“I never hated you. I could never hate you. I think you’re really awesome.” I confess and it makes me feel a rush when I say it.

Y/n swallows hard and I can see her smile falter when she looks back up.

“Well…I like you.”

“I like you too.”

She smiles at me and I can’t tell if it’s the birth of exclusivity or friendship blossoming between us.

“I wish I could read your mind.” She mumbles out, stepping closer.

“Why?”

“You’re confusing.”

“Well, I don’t think I am. Maybe you’re confusing yourself.”

“No, it’s definitely you.” She smiles.

“I saw Kiara last week, while you were away. I thought about asking about you but then I figured it might have been weird because it wasn’t really my business. But then I noticed she was wearing my old shirt. I knew it was mine because I used to leave it at your house when we would fall asleep before I could crawl out the window. I never took it back and she was wearing it.” She breathed through her nose, “I guess I was just confused why you kept it. I mean, we agreed that we were better for it, you were so convinced that if we saw other people we would be so much happier. You saw another girl all summer, so I guess it just confused me why you wouldn’t have tossed it.”

“Maybe I wanted an excuse to see you again.”

“See, you’re confusing.”

“I don’t get your point.”

She huffs, hanging her shoulders and rolling her eyes.

“Someone who falls in love with someone else doesn’t keep their ex girlfriend’s shirt, they don’t worry about the next time they’ll run into each other.”

“Maybe I was just being a good friend.” I shrug, smiling as I stuff my hands into my pockets.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what!” I throw my arms up playfully and I can see how hard she’s fighting against a smile.

“Well were you? Being a good friend, that is?”

I shrug.

“Maybe, I’m not sure. I mean, I guess I never really thought about throwing it out because I was so used to you being there. You never said you wanted it back so, I never asked you. It’s funny too because when Kiara found it, she told me the same thing. She said it was stupid of me to keep something that wasn’t mine and took it. But I guess she didn’t have the heart to give it back to you either.” I find myself rambling.

“What if I wanted it back now?”

“Well do you?”

She shakes her head and all of our words seem to die on our tongues.

“She never stayed the night, by the way.”

“What?”

“The girl, the one I saw this summer.”

“Oh.” I see her cringing at the mere mention of the girl, Amanda, I think was her name but the whole summer was a drunken blur and the only times I ever saw her was after I was six shots deep and in need of a distraction.

After a five day bender and the hard reality of sobriety I came to my senses, she was nothing more than sex. Still, explaining that to Y/n wouldn’t have helped my case. It would have only made both of us feel bad. I left her for another girl who I didn’t even really like and nobody knew why.

“I don’t think it’s important, but I thought you’d want to know.”

“I’m not mad anymore, about her.”

“Well are you still hurt?” She looks at me through her lashes, index fingers picking at the skin around her thumbs.

“Sorry, stupid question.”

“It doesn’t hurt as much anymore.”

“But I still hurt you?”

“JJ.” She sighs, hands finding their way around her stomach.

“I still feel like kicking myself every time I think about it. You were always so good to me, you are. You let me into your house and you give me all these chances even after I fucked it all up. I don’t know why I did it, and I hate myself for it everyday.”

It goes silent for what feels like the millionth time today.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” She looks at me carefully, fingers pulling at the fabric around her waist like it’s suffocating her.

“I don’t expect you to say anything.”

She nods, “Okay.”

“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”

Theres a pause, and her eyes move back like she’s thinking really hard for her answer.

“I already have.”

Her words don’t give me the clarity I hoped they would. In fact, they make me feel worse. Even after I hurt her, left her alone for something not even half as good. I played two girls in the span of three months and I paid little to no consequences. She let me show her how sorry I was when she shouldn’t have and now all I can picture is her sorry face when I told her it was over for the first time.

“Do you think I’m naive for it?” She asks quietly.

“For forgiving me?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “For falling in love with you again.” I don’t know how to answer her when she consistently leaves me speechless.

“I don’t know.” I look her, hoping to find an answer. “How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know, thats my issue. I can look back on something and think I know what I felt at the time but, I don’t know. When it’s actually happening, I guess I have no idea how I feel or how to think.”

“Then how do you know you love me?”

“I don’t know. I never have a clue. I guess I just feel different around you than most people. But it’s not as obvious as other people make it sound, it’s the little things.” She confesses.

“I can tell you how I feel, if that would help.”

“Okay.” She nods.

I take a second to gather what I have to say in an effort to avoid some sort of word vomit from spewing out, but it’s to no avail.

“I thought you were shy when I first met you. Normally for me, I wouldn’t stick around for long because even with talkative people I find myself annoying. I hate the sound of my voice after some time. I figured I’d grow tired of my own voice quickly with you.”

Y/n looks at me, trying to figure me out.

“But you’re really not all that shy, you’re just careful. You think before you speak and maybe that’s why you don’t do a lot of it. Because you know what and when to say things and what sounds bad before you say it. You never know how you feel, but you know what you think and I think thats twice as important. Our conversations were different because of that. I could talk for hours and because I was talking to you I never focused on the sound of my voice or how tired I was of hearing it, I only thought of you. I guess that’s the scary part of it all, falling in love, that is. You don’t know you’ve done it until you try to think of something else and you realize you haven’t even tried to think of anything else without everything leading back to that one person.”

“That’s kind of scary to think about.” She laughs half heartedly.

“Because it is. That’s the fucked up thing about it all, nobody tells you that falling in love is more of developing an obsession to another person. It’s wanting to be around them all the time and praying every second you’re away from them that they’ll come around again soon. It’s the inability to let go after you swore to yourself you were done and it’s why I keep coming back to you.”

Theres a pause. I don’t realize how red my face has gotten until I stop talking.

“I think we’re probably just sick.” She smiles with her teeth, pushing my shoulder back to walk past me. We’ve left her front lawn so many times before. I’ve chased her across her lawn and rolled with her in the weeds, but I’ve grown so used to the faint glowing of her front porch lights and the flickering of the fairy lights strung across the door that it always catches me off guard when she moves away from the doorway.

“I think you’re probably right.”

“Then maybe we shouldn’t be together, then. Maybe you were right. We were better for it.”

“Well, I don’t think that’s true.”

“How could you not? You said it so you must believe in it.”

Shes playing with me and she knows it. Even though Y/n claims she’s hurting less and less the more we open up, I can tell theres still a wound bleeding somewhere deep, someplace within her that likes to see me frantic.

“Maybe I did then, but I don’t now.”

“Why?”

“Well, then you were just my girlfriend.”

“And I’m your ex now, so I guess it’s probably worse.”

It’s my turn to laugh now.

“No. I think it’s different now because I’m not only in love with you, but I love you.” I feel like I’m seven again, running around the blacktop and chasing around Y/n and tugging her by her pigtails. I feel like I’ve just confessed my school crush to her and it’s thrilling but horrifying all at once.

“Do you love me enough to be honest with me?” She smiles wider.

“I love you enough to do just about anything for you.”

“Did you ever see me in her?”

Somehow every time it gets good I am reminded of my past. It’s my karma. I’ve hurt her so it only makes sense for her to want to know everything before I earn her heart again.

“All the time.”

For the first time in forever, she steps closer, her hands resting on my waist gently and her breathing shallow against my neck.

“How?” Our noses practically touch when I look down at her.

“She was quiet, careful. She was never as smart as you but if I was drunk enough I could have made up anything. You guys would have been best friends, I’m convinced, if it were a different lifetime. Same jokes, same hobbies. The only difference was her heart.”

I find my hands threading themselves between the stray hairs by her neck, and I can see how her eyes relax the closer I inch towards her.

“You were much softer than she was, and I realized then that I only really ever wanted her because she reminded me so much of you. And it’s weird because I already had you.”

For a second I think she’s going to kiss me, and for a second I know she thinks so too. But her hands slip away from mine and her head ducks beneath my hands to unthread them from her hair to get away. She’s clearing her throat and mumbling soft apologies as she makes her way back up to the porch.

I feel angry, and I know it’s not my right to. I had her and I lost her through my own actions. I have no one else to blame. Yet, I find myself feeling vulnerable in a way I’ve never felt it before. It makes me feel sick knowing how close we got to fixing things and how quickly it was stripped away. I feel useless, and I figure it must be how Y/n felt when I left her and told her it was for the best.

“So that’s it then? What, we just tell each other we love each other and we pretend it never happened?”

“JJ, please.”

I can tell shes tired, conflicted over her own actions, but I can’t wait any longer to figure it out.

“I know it’s my fault but I’m trying to fix it, fix us! I miss you, more than anything and I can’t talk to anyone like I talk to you. I don’t know what else to say, Y/n. I love you, I love you so much it drives me crazy and I fucking miss what we had.”

She doesn’t say anything.

“JJ, I told you when you first came around. You knew this. I won’t fight for us, I can’t do that again.”

“So then why do you let me stick around?”

“Someone ought to hold you to your words. If you’re going to stay, then stay but I won’t fight for you if you leave.”

“Well I wish you would.” I can feel myself growing angry. I wish I didn’t get that from my father, his temper. I wish I was more like Y/n, more level headed and calm. But I was born angry and I am because I remember the way I ended things and I remember how quickly she accepted it.

“You lost that privilege when you left me for her.”

“Don’t throw that at me, we both know you couldn’t even argue with me then!”

“How could I, JJ? You’d made up your mind, why should I stick around if you’ve gotten eyes for someone else?” Her throat is scratchy, she doesn’t even have to look at me for me to know she’s trying not to cry. I want to beg her not to, because I know I won’t be able to withstand her wet doe eyes, but I’ve done it to myself.

“You know that’s not what happened, I told you what happened!” I feel the way we’re both growing tired. We get good and we fall apart.

“If you want to talk, we can talk but I can’t give you what you want. I can’t fight for someone who’s not even mine.”

“So then you want to see other people?”

“I never said that.”

“Well you implied it.”

She doesn’t say anything, shoulders shaking over the old railings of her porch. Her breathing is heavy but she doesn’t speak.

“So I guess if you want to see other people, then we should see other people.”

“Do what you want JJ, but just don’t come back here.”

She doesn’t mean it, we both know she doesn’t. She told me months ago she would never love me again, and though she has grown to find room in her heart for me, she’ll never let me see her vulnerable again.

I can feel the dirt coating my socks as it kicks up behind me. I’m not walking fast, but it feels like it with how dizzy I’m getting. Her door shuts with a slam and I swear I can hear a faint cry echo through her kitchen. But I’ll never know because I was too careless to try and knock.

It’s a different girl every time, but they’re all the same. John B gave me shit for it last summer when it first ended. I claimed to be chasing something better but they were all just different versions of the same girl.

There was always something off, the hair, the smile, the laugh. But if I drank enough and squinted hard enough I could almost see Y/n again and it would help convince myself that I was fine with her absence.

I find the fog of the early summer bonfires to be suffocating now, even with the solo cup in my hand and consistent pats on my back from classmates and old friends. I’ve flirted with half the island by now, I’m sure of it, and I probably look a mess but the tourist in front of me doesn’t seem to mind.

She looks like my Y/n too, they both like the same music. I wonder if I’ll accidentally call her the wrong name later tonight.

I told Y/n I stopped drinking, but I never promised it to her. So I suppose that’s how I ended up back where I started, trying to drown out my own issues with a warm beverage and a random girl.

I haven’t really been listening to what she has to say, I can only wonder what Y/n would think about her and if she would approve. It makes me feel sick knowing how many people I hurt in the process of healing, and I wonder if you can even consider it healing at this point.

“JJ!” A soft voice breaks through a loud crowd, dashing through the center of a bonfire to find me hanging back along the outskirts.

The girl in front of me shoots both of us a dirty look and walks away without saying a word.

“Y/n?” My vision is blurry and I wonder if it’s really her or if I’ve drank far too much.

“You’re drunk.”

“What?” The cup in my hand finds its way into the hot sand and over the intense stench of alcohol I can smell the welcoming scent of her perfume.

“Do you take me as a joke?” Her eyes are watering, shaky fingers wrapped around my wrists. I can see the faint flickering of the bonfire illuminating the side of her face. She looks so pretty like this, so tired.

“What the fuck are you on about, Y/n?”

“I let you into my home, into my bed; my bed!” She restlessly pokes her finger into her chest, clammy hands gripping onto my skin harder than ever.

“Well I didn’t make you!”

“You didn’t make it easy either!” She shoots daggers in my direction, stray looks from passersby’s tell us to quiet down.

“Yeah whatever.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She all but begs.

“You could have any boyfriend you want, you know. Boy’s are consistently falling in love with you, from what I’ve heard.” I slur, my right foot falling in front of my left and still Y/n holds me in place.

“Stop that, stop it now JJ I don’t like it.” She pleads through her gritted teeth.

“Right.” I roll my eyes.

“You don’t hate me. You told me so when I asked you, you even told me you liked me so stop being mean.”

“Maybe I’m just immune to you.” I try and joke through foggy memories and a sloppy smile, “Because I knew you before, in school when you still wore pigtails.”

“Right, when I was ugly and pathetic? You obviously don’t know me now JJ if you’re acting this way.” I ignore her insults, I couldn’t even process them if I tried.

“No, you were never ugly or pathetic.”

She looked at me, confused, not sure where this fight is leading us and unsure if we’d ever bounce back from it. Even sober our conversation is unclear, weaving between different topics and creating sore spots that’ll surely kill us soon.

“I know I’d be a shit boyfriend if I were yours. I’d rather anyone else, even the guys on figure eight who spit on me when I walk by.”

“JJ, you’re drunk, let me take you home, we can figure it all out soon.” My hands rip themselves from her grip, stumbling back into the sand.

“Why do you care so much JJ? Let me take you home, we can talk in the morning.”

“Because I’m selfish and even though I know you’d be happier without me I can’t even stand the thought of you being happy with anyone else but me.” Looking at my feet, I feel the tears falling from my eyes onto my feet buried in the sand. “Y/n I need to know if you love me or not.”

Neither of us can speak, and it feels like everyone around us can’t seem to find the words to explain out situation either.

“JJ.” She pleads softly.

“I probably should have mentioned this before, but I was seeing someone.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t.”

Y/n doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t even breathe, and the quiet is so loud that I can’t help the drunken rambling that leaves my mouth. “That girl, I can’t remember her name now, but the one I had last summer, I saw her up until the fall. I asked her out too. Should have mentioned that before but then again, I feel like you hardly ever let me in anymore so.” I shrug, and because of the way my eyes so heavily avoided her’s I almost missed the way she looked at me like I was poison.

“I called her by your name, that’s why she said no.”

The world seems to fall quiet around us, stray smoke from the nearby fire weaving between us and sticking in our hair and on our clothes.

“Why are you telling me this? Is it because you’re trying to be such a good friend, is that it, JJ?”

“No—yes, I don’t know, I just needed to tell you.”

Her sniffles are deafening, I feel sicker than before hearing her fighting her tears.

“Oh god, oh my god!” Her hands cover her face, pulling down until her hands clasp tightly over her quivering mouth.

“I’m sorry, I want to fix things, I thought if I told you, you would like me better!” I try to rationalize but she only shakes her head.

“I thought it would be different, you know? I really did believe you when you said we were better for it, having taken a break to grow and learn. But I’m just as naive as I was when I was yours and I’m just as stupid for taking you back!” She spits it like venom, still backing away.

“You said it yourself, I’m not a good person.”

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t believe you could be one.”

It’s quiet again between us, and her touch on my skin lingers like a tattooed kiss, her words replaying in my mind.

Y/n believed we could work it out, but she was smarter than I was and more careful too. She knew better than to chase after something that was never meant to work out.

“I do love you, I really do. What we had, what we have done. We’ve done so much good for one another.”

“No, no.” I try to follow her, but my feet fail me. I fan barely walk straight, let alone chase her.

“You know I love you, Y/n, you have to. I’m never going to feel the same way I feel for you for anybody else.”

She looks at me and it tells me everything I need to know.

I can promise her all my love and all my heart but it’ll never make us right, not ever again.

When she leaves, it’s quietly, the frame of her body losing its color in the darkness of the early summer night. It reminds me a lot of how this all started, and I feel sick.

I could stay as long as I wanted, but the truth was my devotion did not matter anymore, because she was always destined to go.

#jj maybank x y/n #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank fluff #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank x you #jjmaybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jjmaybankangst

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blessedwithabadomen · 2 months

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in love with the mess - day five

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : fluff, flirting, drinking, everyone gets a kiss

length : 4.2k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @somebodyels3

a/n : here we go!! enjoy and feel free to comment, ask, reblog 💗

•••

day five

Something about the check-in at the hotel in Manchester was fishy and had caused a ridiculous amount of chaos that needed to be sorted out by the tour managers. I made the best of the situation and got comfortable in the lobby with my laptop, determined to get some work done ahead of time. Lia was going to be here in just a few hours and I'd promised her to free my schedule as much as possible.

Plus, I knew we would be drinking, so the ride to Glasgow tomorrow was going to be spent regretting my hangover and lying in my bunk, not doing hours of work.

The only strange thing about the day so far was that I had seen neither Oli nor Noah. Noah’s absence was to be expected to a certain extent; he was in a different band, on a different bus, with slightly deviating schedules, so the chances of running into each other could be quite low. I hadn't gotten a message from him either though. At least rumour had been going around that he woke up as good as new this morning, whatever had been beating him down yesterday had vanished completely. Oli was more surprising considering he was consistently put into an adjacent hotel room, travelled in the same tour bus and technically employed me.

Funnily enough, the question about the two missing frontmen was answered sooner than the check-in chaos got resolved. I heard the two of them entering the lobby together before I saw them. Pushing each other away, both seemed eager to get to me first as soon as they spotted me, stealing a bag from each other's hands over and over again.

“Fucking stop, I’m the one who knew to get this for her,” Oli complained, trying to keep the paper bag out of Noah’s reach, who was quicker than him and caught it behind Oli’s back.

“Yeah, and I’m the one who’s gonna give it to her!”

“Give it back, you wanker!”

Their fight came to an abrupt end as they stood in front of me looking up at them over my laptop.

“I got you something,” Oli explained, motioning to the bag.

“We got you something,” Noah corrected.

“Just because you walked next to me, doesn’t mean you had anything to do with it!”

I felt another bout of their little spat coming on, so I quickly intervened and stole the bag from Noah’s hands. Both of them quieted down immediately, watching me as I opened it up. The sweet scent of pastries filled my nostrils immediately.

“Are these…?” I didn’t finish my question as I brought the baked good to my nose, inhaling it deeply once again before taking a hearty bite ouf of its flakey goodness. I didn't know how Oli new. I couldn't remember if I'd ever told him and if I had, I was sure it was in passing only. The fact that he not only was aware of my sweet tooth but also went out of his way to satisfy it with my favourite goods caused my stomach to flip. “Thank you so much, that’s so sweet.”

“From your favourite bakery,” Oli proudly agreed. “You said you weren’t in Manchester that often and- well, I thought after yesterday-”

“Wait, what happened yesterday?”

Suddenly, Noah was all ears. I was much too preoccupied with the best thing I’d tasted in months to think about how to explain. Oli had mentioned it, Oli could solve the situation.

“Aubrey was in a right mood last night,” Oli said with grin. “A little brat.”

I almost choked on my pastry, a few flakes flying away from me as I got my breathing back under control. I shouldn’t have been so surprised. Oli was hardly known for being a prude about these things.

“And I went to sleep instead,” Noah groaned, sounding genuinely remorseful. Our eyes met for a moment. Somehow, I knew we were both remembering last night, too, me bringing him back to the hotel room, him warning me off. He looked away first, as if a little embarrassed. I wasn’t sure what to do with it.

“I’m sure you’ll find out for yourself soon enough,” it burst out of me. But I’d already learned that the combination of us three left very little room to hold back in that aspect.

Oli leaned down to me, his thumb wiping at the corner of my mouth where some chocolate had seemingly gotten stuck. He tapped my lips. It was enough for me to dumbly open my mouth and suck it in, twirling my tongue around it to get another taste. He chuckled darkly, satisfied how easily I went along with him, before pulling away, finding another bit of chocolate to swipe away, this time offering his thumb to Noah.

He was torn. Quite visibly so. The tension hung in the air as he tried to decide on which move to make now, all three of us basically holding our breaths to see what would transpire.

Then, some loud laughter from the crew erupted somewhere else in the lobby, loud enough to pull him out of it. He actually shook his head, as if that could make the thoughts disappear.

“Fuck you, Oli,” he muttered, without much force behind it.

“Yeah,” Oli laughed, licking the chocolate of his thumb himself, “I bet you’d like to.”

•••

Whoever said that time flies when you’re having fun had never felt time slipping through your fingers when you were desperately trying to get your boss to get to all things in his agenda on time while he was being an absolute arse for no reason but to amuse himself. On top of that, your best friend was blowing up your phone in excitement of getting to see you, effectively starting a countdown that only served to distract you from the work you should be doing.

By seven o’clock, I was thoroughly exhausted and annoyed. At some point, Noah had even pulled me aside to give me a much needed hug, although it had been cut short by Lia announcing her imminent arrival. Luckily, Lia did what she did best and that was raise my mood impossibly the very second I saw her.

Her arms around me felt like home. She was the only anchor I felt I still had, while I was always trying to never get too settled in one place with my work taking me all over, but we’d been friends since childhood and she’d always refused to budge. I didn’t thank her for it enough.

“Okay, catch me up asap, what’s been happening, what’s been going down, have you managed to bang anyone yet?”

I shot an apologetic smile at the two stagehands walking past as I walked down the corridor with Lia, an AAA pass hung around her neck and so excited that I wondered if she’d had a drink before coming here. With a slightly quicker step, I dragged her into Oli’s dressing room, aware he was currently hanging out with the rest of his band.

“Well, there’s been no fucking, but…”

I awkwardly started tidying up the dressing room. It came as second nature, really, trying to make sure things were in order, helping Oli out for later, not letting him drown in his chaos. I busied myself with a hoodie that I decided needed folding.

“But?! Aubrey, you’re not seriously gonna leave me starved for information here!”

“I mean, I did make out with Noah and I’ve seen Oli’s dick, so…”

Her squealing, I was pretty sure, could be heard next door and I couldn’t help but laugh. Lia was nothing if not supportive of basically anything I did.

I gave her a quick rundown of the last few days, keeping some of the details to myself while still letting her know what I’d been up to, including just about every endeavour I’d found myself in with the guys. She did nothing short of react appropriately, aw-ing and ooh-in and gasping and laughing. I’d missed having her around.

In the middle of me letting Lia know that, yes, I most definitely got cleaned up after last night’s escapade and, no, Oli and I hadn’t spoken about it yet and also, no, I didn’t think Noah knew, when the door to the dressing room flew open and revealed Oli himself.

“Speak of the devil,” Lia mused and I briefly panicked about her letting Oli know just what we were talking about, even though I knew fully well she would never betray me like that.

“I could say the same about you,” Oli replied, attempting to sound cruel but unable to hide the smile on his face.

“Why on earth would you have been talking about me?”

“Oh, I wasn’t. I was referring to the part where you are the devil.”

“Oh, you bastard!” Lia exclaimed with a laugh. “You coming out with us after the show?”

“Hell no. We got an early bus call and a four-hour drive to Glasgow. And I know what you get up to, Lia.”

My heart sank a little, even though I knew Oli was only being reasonable. We did only have a few hours in the hotel before we needed to get going again. I was going to be fine, really - I planned on not getting blackout drunk and there wasn’t too much left for me to do tomorrow that I hadn’t already taken care of. Plus, I wasn’t the one who had to be up on stage that night delivering the show of their life.

“Fucking party pooper.”

“I’m so much of a party pooper that I specifically came to get you two because Bad Omens are about to start. Managed to organise some wine for you too. Good enough?”

“Just about,” Lia mused, standing up and walking past him and out of the room with the confidence only someone who had on idea which way the stage was could have. We both looked at her leave, overly amused, until I remembered she was my friend and I should probably make sure she wouldn’t get completely lost.

Oli stopped me at the door. “You gonna stop by when you get back tonight?”

“I could just text you that I got back safe, you know. It might get late.”

He slung his arm around my waist, pulling me into a side hug, a telling smirk playing on his lips. “I’ll gladly wake up for you.”

•••

I wasn’t quite sure how we ended up in Oli’s suite - a suite! Motherfucker had a suite all to himself! - playing questionable drinking games (Truth or dare? Never have I ever? 21 questions? Honestly, it was hard to tell at this point) way past midnight and maybe it was because I was a little intoxicated - not drunk, I was still aware I had a bus ride in just a few hours - but I was tipsy enough not to question it just yet.

The evening had gone something like this: Oli had, in fact, organised two bottles of wine and exclusive seats for us during the show. Lia was blown away by Bad Omens and the way Noah sang and how she couldn’t blame me at all for crushing on him. Then, Lia followed it up by being blown away by Bring Me The Horizon and their production and the Oli’s stage presence and the fact that I had somehow not banged him yet. Especially when he effectively climbed his videographer. Didn't help with the thoughts in my head either. Both of those bottles were killed by the time the show was over.

We had briefly ventured out to Lia’s favourite bar for a few shots, but had quickly realised that talking about Oli and Noah in a crowded place full of people who had just left the very concert they had performed at, wasn’t the wisest decision. So, with some more alcohol in tow, Lia had stolen my phone and texted the two men and somehow, somehow convinced them to join us for a little afterparty. Now all of us were feeling the buzz and going along with Lia’s questionable ideas.

“Worst place you’ve ever vomited?”

“Just about every single time it happened on stage, and love, it happened,” Oli laughed. Those had been the bad times. I didn’t miss them at all. I’d trade them for this version of Oli, happy, healthy, optimistic, flirty, bloody gorgeous any day.

“Alright. No need to get into that. Noah, empty your wallet and show everyone what’s inside.”

Noah didn’t hesitate, grabbing the item from the back pocket of his trousers and emptying its contents. There wasn’t too much interesting stuff in there - ID, a credit card, some loose change in more than one currency. Lia grabbed onto the condom wrappers immediately. Three of them.

“Ultra thin, extra lube, ribbed,” she read aloud. “Damn, someone knows how to treat their partners.”

Noah blushed a little under the redness that the alcohol had already flushed his cheeks with. I was pretty sure I did the same, my mind running away with thoughts. This was good. He quickly gathered them up again and stowed them away but I didn’t think he missed the way Oli raised his eyebrows at him. Surprise enough that he didn’t say anything.

“Aubrey, who would you like to kiss in this room?”

“Who wouldn’t I like to kiss!” I giggled, taking another sip of wine, even though it was starting to get to my head. Obviously.

“Well, me, hopefully, or you’ll have to deal with my wife,” Lia laughed, holding up the wedding ring on her finger. “Anyway. What caused your last relationship to break down?”

She didn’t aim the question at anyone in particular, but Noah, sweet, closed-off Noah, suddenly had an intense urge to answer.

“What didn't,” he groaned, throwing his had back and cradling the bottle in his hands. “Touring, the distance, the groupies that don’t exist, the missed phone calls, the not being enough.” He threw his hands in the air in defeat. I thought it was the most he had revealed about himself, like, ever. “And here comes the kicker. I was talking about proposing to her with the guys and looking up rings the very morning of the day she broke up with me.”

Silence engulfed us. A comment from Folio, just a few days ago, and Noah’s very unamused answer was whirling in my head, but I was too intoxicated to make perfect sense of it right now. I just knew there was a connection.

I didn’t know if telling him I was sorry would cut it. Bit of a big deal, really, finding someone to marry who drops you like that. What do you say to that? Luckily, good old Oli jumped in pretty much immediately.

“Emotionally unavailable and obsessed with myself,” he said. “Pretty sure that’s a direct quote, too. Probably not too wrong about it either.”

Apparently we were sharing break-up stories now. My turn, I decided.

“Told her that, very theoretically, mind, I would be open to polyarmory. Because, you know, I definitely think you can be in love with more than one person. And if everyone’s happy, I’m sure there’s something great about relationships that aren’t just two people. Well,” I mused, throwing back another sip of wine to keep myself going, spilling a little on my top, “all she heard was ‘this is an open relationship without any rules now’ and went and banged someone else the next day.”

The three of us looked each other, throwing pitiful looks around, realising we were all pretty fucked up in our own ways, and suddenly broke out laughing. It almost took my breath away, the intensity of the relief of sharing these little things with people so dear to me, letting them understand me a little better, understanding them a little better in return and oh god more wine on me. These jeans would have to go straight into the washing.

“Enough tearjerker stories,” Lia announced, but there was no malice in her words. “Let’s get back to the fun questions! Worst sex experience! Oli, please, I want to hear yours.”

“Alright, first one that comes to mind right now, couple of years ago, right, I hook up with this girl, all fun and games, but it’s very fucking tame, you know? And out of nowhere she just fucking chokes me. I’m not saying I don’t like it, but that proper came out of fucking nowhere. Like. Normally, you’d ease up to it, if you hadn’t talked about it.”

Suddenly, Oli seemed to be sitting much closer to Noah than before. I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination. Or the light.

“You’d have your hands on them somewhere,” Oli explained, drawing out his words, as his hand landed on Noah’s chest. He was caught off guard for a moment, but silently allowed the moment to play out. “Slowly move them up, see if they enjoy it.”

Oli followed through. Noah was definitely enjoying it. I was transfixed on the display in front of me.

��“Get a little skin-on-skin contact.”

His fingers were tracing the line where Noah’s shirt ended, just letting his fingertips play with the hem a little. I’d never seen Oli so gentle, but it was doing things to my body. Noah’s breathing was speeding up now, chest heaving, unable to keep it hidden. I couldn’t blame him at all.

“See how they react to your hand being closer to their throat.”

Oli’s hand moved higher, carefully stroking the skin at Noah’s neck. Noah swallowed, hard, his eyelids fluttering shut. It was as if he was loosing all control over his bodily reactions. It was intoxicating to watch.

“And maybe, you know, if they don’t move away or move your hand, you can give it a try.”

And Oli did. Wrapping his hand around Noah’s throat and squeezing a little. Just the slightest bit. Just the possibility of more. And Noah moaned.

“And that’s my cue to get myself on an uber home!” Lia declared loudly, standing up and just about catching the wine bottle that had been in her lap before it toppled over onto the carpet. She was swaying a little, quite obviously the most drunk out of the four of us and I quickly made the executive decision to accompany her downstairs and wait with her. Oli gave me a nod, a satisfied smirk on his face. Noah didn’t look at me at all, but he seemed to be questioning all his life choices.

“Girl! What’s going on between the two of them? I knew you were developing… something with both of them, you didn’t tell me about the two of them with each other!”

I awkwardly fumbled with Oli’s room key as we descended on the lift. “I don’t think they know either.”

“But, do you mind?”

I looked at her, thoughtful for a moment, almost missing the time frame to leave the lift as it arrived in the lobby. Did I mind?

“No,” I answered, without giving it any further thought, just knowing. “No, I really don’t.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Lia giggled, giving me a hug so enthusiastically it almost toppled us over. “Now go, go and get them together and then get them both for yourself.”

•••

I didn’t knock when I used the key card to get back into Oli’s room. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that I was going to be back - not only had I actively snatched the card from the desk but I had also left all my stuff in there. Still, none of us had seen the situation coming, apparently.

The first thing I saw when I entered the room was that neither Oli nor Noah were still sitting on the couch. The second thing I saw was that Oli had pressed Noah against the wall instead.

They didn’t notice me immediately, too caught up in their own world as Oli frantically pressed his lips to Noah’s. Entangled as if they simply couldn’t get close enough, one of Oli’s hands was in Noah’s hair, keeping him in place, keeping him complacent, the other running up the outside of his thigh, as Noah was pawing at Oli’s back, as if not sure what his hands were looking for, but trying all the same. My heart fluttered with… love? The door falling shut behind me caught their attention.

They didn’t jump apart. In fact, their hands were still exactly where they had left them. But both of them had turned their heads so fast it looked painful.

“Don’t stop on my account,” I grinned. “I’m very much enjoying this.”

Noah was visibly shaken up and out of breath and I wondered if that was what happened to people who got to kiss Oli Sykes, but Oli himself was in the best of moods.

“See, I heard that you went and kissed our Noah here,” he explained, slowly detaching himself from him. Noah’s body almost followed on its own account, seemingly not having enough of the other man just yet. “And I got really, really jealous. But now I’m realising that means he got to kiss you, too.”

“There’s really no need to be jealous, at all,” I replied, letting him come closer and closer, just to push him back onto the couch. Straddling his lap, my thighs on either side of his, was a logical conclusion. “You can kiss me anytime.”

There was a hint of hesitation. Something familiar in his eyes, something like home. A decade-long friendship that was begging to be ruined. I knew he saw the same in me. We’d done things with each other, things to each other, that went beyond any regular friendship. But this moment, this temptation of finally getting his mouth on mine, a kiss, felt like it weighed so much more heavily on both of us.

His hands landed on my thighs, moving up to the small of my back, giving me security and safety and all rationality be damned, I leaned down and allowed my lips to touch his.

A shockwave travelled through every inch of my being, then the tension evaporated, as if this was where I'd always meant to be. Oli was soft and pliant under me, a stark contrast to how he usually presented himself, to how he usually behaved around me even, but I indulged in the feeling, grabbing onto his arms to make them wrap around me, letting him hold me close, tightly. I couldn't stop my own hands from tracing along his torso, his neck, his face, silently mapping his body in a way I had never been allowed to before. When his tongue licked against my lips, I let him in.

The kiss became more frantic as I lost all self-control. Years and years of unfulfilled desires poured into us as I pressed myself into him. Oli tasted sweet, so much sweeter than expected, even with the beer still lingering. I could feel myself falling, deeper and deeper, like a feral animal willingly setting foot into a trap, the temptation of the bait calling too loudly to ignore.

I noticed the couch dip before my brain realised Noah was next to us. Then his hand was at the back of my head, gripping my hair and pulling me off Oli. Instantly, he had me turned toward him, Oli’s hands still on me, my body still on his lap, but now my lips were crashing into Noah’s. It was electrifying, his frantic kiss, how his lust must have built as he watched us. Oli’s mouth now at my neck, licking along my tendon, finishing it off with a soft bite.

Noah swallowed my moans easily, still holding me in place, still roughly moving my head to his own wishes. Oli was grinding up into me, his hard dick against my core making me squirm even through the layers, thoughts of what it had looked like, what he had looked like overwhelming my mind. When Noah let go of me it felt so sudden that I almost lost my balance, hands trying to find the couch table behind me as a way to steady myself. The dull noise of a bottle hitting the carpeted floor had all three of us halt in our movements.

The wine ended up on the carpet after all, like a bad metaphor for whatever the three of us had just started and might be unable to stop.

I got up from Oli’s lap, Noah also standing up as if he suddenly didn’t know where he was supposed to be anymore. The awkwardness in the room was tangible, the lines we had just crossed almost becoming visible in my mind as my tipsy brain struggled to make sense of the consequences.

When Noah and I announced our separate departures, Oli didn’t say a word, still staring at the dark red colour seeping into the plush beneath his feet. Both of us went in opposite directions in the hallway. I didn’t know if that was supposed to be a metaphor too.

#Noah Sebastian fic #Noah Sebastian #Oli Sykes fic #Oli Sykes #Noah Sebastian x reader #Oli Sykes x reader #in love with the mess

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perfectlywrongformend3s · 9 months

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I miss you, I’m sorry-Conrad Fisher

A/n: I have fallen deeply in love with Conrad so except a lot for him. Haha!

Song: I miss you, I'm sorry

Written: Gracie Abrams

-Samantha

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV

'Do you remember happy together? I do, don't you? Then all of a sudden you're sick to your stomach, Is that still true?'

I was on my bed looking at all the pictures Conrad and I took together. All I could think about was how much I miss him and wish I could hold him again. I heard a knock on my bedroom door which made me let out a sigh.

" Come in." I said

Belly walked in and sat next to me. She pulled me in for a hug which made me brake down. She rubbed my back trying to calm me down.

" Why doesn't he want me Belly?" I whimpered out

" Y/n/n, you know he loves you, he's..."

I lifted my head to give her a small glare. " If you loved me, he wouldn't have broken my heart." She sighed. " Y/n, what I'm trying to say is he probably did it for a reason. You know he's been going through a hard time."

I just fell back on my bed with tears still running down my face. I saw Belly get up to leave.

'You said."forever" in the end I fought it. Please be honest, are we better for it? Thought you'd hate me, but instead you called, And said, " I miss you" I caught it.'

'Flashback'

I was watching Conrad pace around the kitchen. I didn't understand why he was stressed out. He never really tells me anything.

" Connie, what's wrong?" I asked concerned

He turned around and said...

" I think we should break up."

I looked at him with my jaw dropped, " What?" I said shaky

I was trying my best not to cry. He looked perfectly fine while I was trying not to break down. " I just have a lot going on and I don't want to drag you down with me." He said

" But you said " forever" Don't you love me?" I whispered

He took a shaky breath. " OfCourse I love you. I just don't think I'm in the right mindset for a relationship."

'Present'

I couldn't help but pick up the phone. I wanted to hear his voice so bad. Before I could push his contact I saw his name pop up on my screen. I immediately picked it up.

" Connie?" I said softly

All I heard was his breathing. " Are you okay?"

" I miss you." He whispered super low but I could still hear it. Before I could respond the phone beeped telling me the call ended. I felt like crying again, just from hearing his voice.

'Good to each other, give it the summer, I knew, you too, But I only saw you once in December, I'm still confused'

'Flashback'

I was lying on the pool chairs trying my best to rest, but felt wet droplets land on me. I opened my eyes to find Conrad. I smiled up at him, which had him smiling. He leaned down to kiss my lips.

'Present'

Just thinking of that memory brought back how much fun we had together. All I wish to have Conrad back . But then thinking about summer was getting me thinking about how he barely showed up for the winter. He only ever showed up at my house once through the whole season. I wished he showed up more to visit me.

'You said," forever" and I almost bought it, I miss fighting in your apartment, Breaking dishes when you're disappointed, I still love you, I promise, nothing happened in the way I wanted, Every corner of this place this haunted, And I know you said that we're not talking, But I miss you, I'm sorry.'

'Flashback'

I was in the kitchen of the beach house just messing around on my phone when I heard someone walk in. I looked up to find my boyfriend. I gave him a smile, but all I got back was a glare. I got confused and carefully asked...

" Did I do something, babe?"

Conrad just shook his head. He then went to grab a cup but it slipped and landed on the floor. We both flinched when the glass made contact with the floor. I immediately went to help, but he grabbed my wrist. " No, I don't want you to get hurt." He mumbled

I nodded and watched him walk away to get something to clean the glass up.

'Present'

I wanted to call him and tell him I miss him too, but he told me to never speak to him again. But it's not like I'm breaking it. He did it first. I pushed on his contact letting it ring. I then hung up because he normally answers on the second ring. I placed my phone on my chest and started thinking about why he would break up with me.

'Everywhere I go leads me back to you, I don't wanna go, think I'll make it worse, Everything I know brings me back to us, I don't wanna go, we've been before, Everywhere I go leads me back to you.'

I was back on my phone when Steven barged in my room. " All right, get up!" He stated

I looked at him. " Um, no!"

He then walked over to me. " Don't make me drag you."

I groaned and got up. " Where are we even going Steven."

He shrugged, " I'm just trying to get you out of the house."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We've been driving for about an hour already and everything is making me think of Conrad. Without Steven knowing I grabbed my phone and texted him.

I miss you so much It hurts. And I'm sorry for still having feelings for you. You don't have to respond, but I'm just letting you know. I also never stopped loving you.

I hit send before eI could regret it. I then just tried to enjoy the ride with my brother.

Conrad's POV

I heard my phone buzz and when I picked it up I was shocked to find a text from her. I thought she hated me ever since the break up. Reading her message brought back those feelings that never seem to go away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, I'm not sure if I like this one. There's just something about it. But if you like it please let me know or if you have any feedback let me know. Thank you so much again for reading. Please enjoy!!

-Samantha

#conrad fisher #conrad #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #Conrad fisher x #conrad fisher fanfic #conrad fisher angst #conrad fisher imagine #mine #angst

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nishik1 · 10 months

Text

you jealous, nishimura — Riki’s got competition! smau + written

|prev|masterlist|next|

*ignore time stamps*

warnings: cursing, mentions of poop

wc: 774 NOT PROOFREAD

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

It was a Friday night your brother had invited his friends over to the house while you were out, they were all sitting in the living room, talking, playing video games, and scrolling on their phones. as Niki scrolled on his twitter time line, he noticed something which you posted not too long ago, when he clicked on the post he saw an unfamiliar male next to you. he furrowed his brows, the night before he had ask you if you wanted to hang out today but you declined,

“sunghoon, do you know who the guy is in Y/N’s post?” Niki asked as he gripped his phone in his hand tightly.

“yeah, his name’s Jeongin, he’s from Stray Kids. why?” your brother said as he mindlessly scrolled through social media, gazing up at Niki to see him making a displeased face at his phone.

“It’s just— yesterday I asked Y/N if she wanted to hang out today but she said no because she was tired but now she’s posting about being out with some guy I’ve never met before?” Niki says a frown as he sighs and puts his phone down next to him.

“she said it was a last minute thing, he asked her like last night and she said sure, she said she didn’t want him going alone of something like that.” Sunghoon shrugged his shoulders.

“how do they know each other?” Niki asked

“they met a few months before you two met, they bumped into each other at the mall and her coffee spilled on his shirt so she offered to buy him a new one but he said it was fine and asked to hang out instead.”

“that sounds like some sort of love story if you ask me.” Jungwon says, looking up from his phone and to the two boys sitting next to him. Niki’s eyes widen when he says this.

“no it doesn’t!”

“Riki’s got competition~” Heeseung teases as he pulls his gaze away from the game on the screen, Niki rolls his eyes at him, causing everyone to laugh at him.

“oh shut up.” Niki

“someone’s jealous~” Sunghoon says, laughing as Niki groans and runs his hand through his hair.

“I’m not jealous.” Niki protests which causes Sunghoon to smirk.

“oh yeah? don’t you remember what happened last time we had this conversation?” Sunghoon smirks as he looks to the younger, who was sitting there with a scowl on his face.

“fine. I am jealous, so what?”

“so what are you gonna do about it? are you just gonna let him steal her from you?” Jake asks with a raised brow and a knowing smile which was directed at Sunghoon.

“what— no! he’s not gonna ‘steal’ her from me.” Niki says with a scoff as he rolls his eyes, he then sighed and excused himself to go to the bathroom.

“so is this Jeongin guy interested in Y/N?” Jungwon asks Sunghoon, gaining the attention of the others as well.

“nope, they’re just friends. if anything, he sees her as a sister even more than a friend.” Sunghoon says with a smile, knowing he had started something. Jakes eyes widen before saying

“you had something to do this with, didn’t you?” he asks with an almost amused smile and wide eyes, Sunghoon nods.

“they’re taking way too long, I need to speed up the process.” Sunghoon shrugs as he pulls out his phone.

“this is so unlike you, Sunghoon! what happened to the protective brother Sunghoon?” Jungwon laughs along with the others as Sunghoon rolls his eyes in a playful manner.

“wait— check the timeline, Niki is losing his shit.” Sunghoon says with an upside down smile as he tries to hold in his laugh.

“well isn’t that why he excused himself to the bathroom, so he could take a shit?” Heeseung says, silence. it was silent as all of the boys turned to look at him. suddenly Sunghoon burst out laughing, along with the others. they spent a good while laughing until Niki finally came out of the bathroom.

“why are you guys laughing so much?” Niki says with a raised brow as he plops back into his spot on the couch.

“nothing…” Jungwon says, stifling his laugh.

“did you have fun losing your shit?” Jake says, Niki’s eyes go wide and everyone starts laughing once again.

“what the hell? are you guys on something?” Niki says, his face going slightly red, only causing the others to laugh even more. “you’re all insane…”

“yeah sure we’re the insane ones. at least we don’t have competition!” Sunoo says, Niki’s jaw drops and he yells

“I don’t have competition!”

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

NOTES: im so sorry this chapter was bad 😭 its really rushed bc i’m still dealing with family stuff. also i felt so immature writing this chapter tbh…

taglist: @en-chantedtomeetyou @yunicide @txtbrainrot @lizzyyaaaaaa @j-wyoung @beomgyusonlywife @spilled-coffee-cup @sungookie @telengraph @yajw @arizejkt19 @iea-tsand @k1ttylvr @solstramaii @soo0mi i @jhopesucker @teddywonss @sumarchived @ramenoil @darwics

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lostbookreader · 1 year

Text

Promises

Summary: While Colby and Sam are out on one of their trips you, Colby's best friend/crush, get cheated on and end the relationship to the guy you were seeing but you don’t tell him. He doesn’t find out till he comes back and Kat lets it slip.

Colby and Sam both let out a sigh of relief when they both walked through the front door of their house and could finally relax before their next trip. Colby was especially excited to see you. This has been the longest stretch of time of not seeing you and you weren’t super responsive on texting him back. He texted you almost every day and he got responses here and there but nothing consistent. Colby planned on going to see you once he got unpacked and showered and he really hoped you weren’t with the guy you’d been seeing.

After a while, Colby walked downstairs looking at his phone trying to see if you would respond to him but he couldn’t get anything. He was definitely starting to worry because you never left him in the dark. Ever. He heard Kat and Sam in the kitchen so he walked over,

“Have you guys heard from Y/n recently? I’ve been texting them non-stop and I haven’t gotten a response in two days”

“That’s weird. They texted me asking how the trip was going a few days ago but that was it really.”

Both boys looked at Kat, but she wouldn’t look at them and looked like she was trying to busy herself.

“Kat? What's wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Have you heard from them? Are they okay?”

Before she could respond Colby’s phone dinged and he instantly reacted hoping it was you but frowned when it was one of his friends asking if he heard the news. He anxiously waited for a response and when it popped on his screen his heart started pounding.

Y/n and what’s his face broke up three weeks ago. I just saw him on Melrose and talked to him before I realized he was with another chick. Is she okay?

“Dude! Colby come on, what is it? Did they respond?”

“They broke up,” he whispered and before either of them could ask again he looked at Kat, “They broke up three weeks ago and you didn’t let either of us know?”

He was hurt but Kat looked just as hurt, maybe even more, “I’m so sorry. Y/n didn’t want to worry you guys while you were filming, they wanted you to enjoy your trip.”

“And you listened?” He asks, raising his voice.

“Colby” Sam warned before looking at Kat, “What happened? Why did they split?”

“It was at my party that I put on. Y/n wasn’t planning on coming since she had a really hard day at work but he came and was here. We didn’t think they were going to show until they did and it was going great but he wasn’t around so we went to look and,” She stopped and looked at Colby.

“What? What happened?”

“We found him cheating on her with another random girl that none of us knew,” Kat whispered and Colby’s blood began to boil but before he could say anything she continued. “I’ve never seen Y/n so upset but they didn’t cry it was just a fit of anger and there was screaming and they started fighting each other. Then all I remember was Y/n punching a mirror and there was blood but they didn’t let anyone help them. They just said it was done and walked out. The girls and I have tried to check in and they respond but they don’t want to see anyone and just want to be left alone.”

Colby just stood there and let the new info sink in before he grabbed his keys and started walking to the door. Sam and Kat called out to him and he was going to ignore them but decided to not stop and just headed straight for his car.

You honestly did not know what day it was, if it was day or night and you definitely didn’t know when you last ate. Everything just felt numb. Your hand pulsed from where you punched the mirror but you were too tired to get up from bed to take meds for the pain. You really just wanted to sleep just so your brain would stop.

Finally having dozed off at some point, you woke to your front door shutting and somebody calling your name. You didn’t think you responded but the next thing you knew Colby was there and he was hugging you.

“Colby? When the heck did you get back?” It took a minute but you wrap your arms around him and just take in the scent of his cologne. Then out of nowhere the tears started and he held you tighter.

“Oh bubs I am so sorry I wasn’t here. You should have told me and I would have been here in a second.” He whispers while situating yourselves to where he was below you and you were sitting in his lap.

“I didn’t want to ruin your trip. You and Sam looked so happy and I didn’t want to bog you down Colbs.” You whisper while rubbing your eyes to push the tears away. Accidentally rubbing your bad hand wrong and flinching from the pain.

He cups it gently while letting out a slow hiss from his lip before gently kissing it, “I don’t care how happy I look Y/n. If you are hurting then so am I. I hate when you aren’t my smiley little sunshine. Especially now I haven’t gotten to see one of my favorite things in the whole world.”

Letting out a pained chuckle you look at your lap, “I don’t think little sunshine is anywhere near right now Colbs. I thought I finally found a good one and and and,” you felt the tears coming but you try to hold them off but you fail. He just holds you, giving you all the time even though his heart was shattering. “I just thought I finally found someone that would let me get over my feelings for you but also was my chance of finally being done with it all.”

You flinch when your mouth just lets it all out before your brain could catch up. Colby doesn’t respond for a minute or so before he whispers, “I like you too you know. I have for so long and it may not be the right thing to say right now but I am so glad you dumped that fucking loser. I never liked him.”

A laugh randomly erupts from you and you hide your face in Colby’s neck, but he's laughing right with you. “There it is,” he whispers and places a kiss on your forehead, “how about we go get you cleaned up and in the shower and I’ll tidy up around here? Does that sound okay?”

“Yeah that sounds great. It’s been a couple days since I’ve actually felt human.” You say even though your face is still hidden in his neck.

“I can tell.”

“Rude!”

“I’m just being honest bubs. Now come on to the bathroom.”

Thinking he was going to let you walk, you move to go but his arms just tighten around you and he carries you to your bathroom, setting you on the counter. He gets the shower started for you while you start brushing your teeth and definitely avoiding looking at yourself in the mirror. Colby helps you off the counter and helps unwrap your hand before kissing your forehead again and leaving to grab you some new clothes. Taking it as your chance to undress, you get in the shower.

Feeling like a whole new person, you dress in the clothes that Colby left for you on the counter which was one of his hoodies and a pair of shorts. You walk out of the bathroom to find your bed covered in your spare set of bedding, your curtains opened and the Nevada sunshine shining through, and you hear Colby in the kitchen rustling around with something. Turning the corner, you smile as you watch Colby plate food he more than likely ordered. Your stomach rumbled and he quickly turned to look at you and smiled.

“She’s alive. I ordered some food from the place on the corner that you love and I got the couch ready for cuddles and movies. Figured I’d give your bed a break from you.”

You chuckle before going to grab your plate but Colby stops you and pushes you towards the living room with him following behind. Before you guys eat, Colby insisted on wrapping your hand again which you got lectured about but he was still super gentle with you.

The rest of the night was full of laughs and jokes and after a while you and Colby were bundled up in your bed just enjoying each other's presence when Colby takes a deep breath.

“I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said I also liked you, you know? I don’t want to rush it but whenever you’re ready I would like to take you on a date. If that's okay of course. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to say yes.”

“Colby?

“Yeah?”

“Shut up, I will definitely go on a date with you. Just give me a little bit and I promise you’ll get the best date of your life.”

He laughs and kisses your head again, “Okay but you have to promise me that you won’t keep anything else major from me. Especially if punching mirrors is going to be a new thing.”

#colby #colby brock fic #colby brock x reader #fluff #imagine #drabble #colby brock #sam & colby #sam golbach

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emilycollins00 · 1 month

Note

Hiii I don't know if you would write it (it's okay if you don't) but to change the tone a bit, could you do a list of toxic traits/red flags of the troupes members? I saw it in another fandom and thought it would be interesting! love your stuff btw

Thank you for waiting love!! 💕 That said, hope you are still around aksdjkdn it's been a while.

I wasn’t sure if you meant in a relationship or just in general, so I went with the flow a bit and did whatever felt more suitable for each at the time (hence why some are longer)

Warning: I focused on showing bad traits and exploiting them so my apologies if any fan doesn’t like what I chose, don’t take it too much to heart!

A3! and their toxic traits

Sakuya – Conflict avoidance / Insecure

He struggles to voice what he wants because he’s afraid of upsetting others, this leads to Sakuya never deciding anything which can become kinda... vexing.

Of course, when there’s a fight he just doesn't wants to argue, and definitely avoids discussing certain topics. Not to say he’ll just apologize, but he will often try to find a solution (even if it doesn’t make much sense) to pretend it’s all good and everyone is content when in reality, no ones is.

Itaru – Childish / Half-assed

Has a tendency to talk about people behind their back when they do something that upsets him, instead of talking it out.

Sometimes going out with him feels like babysitting. He tends to complain if he’s in a place he didn’t want to be. It’s his day off and you two already saw one another three days ago, couldn’t he just have stayed at home?

Incredibly bad memory when it comes to remembering special occasions but try asking him when is the birthday of his favorite character… or maybe don’t.

Masumi – Overly intense / Tunnel focus

This boy’s downfall are relationships. Masumi has incredibly intense feelings – that’s no surprise, so when he finally falls the beginning is perfect, almost fairytale like.

But then he asks opinions about choosing a wedding venue. Asks about a having kids. When going to the store he even begins to look for baby clothes. First week gone and he’ll want to meet with in-laws. Want to move in together.

He loves so much that it’s overbearing and doesn’t realize how pressuring he is – how fast he’s willing to move everything. Still, what’s there to think? Their partner must want the same thing.

Chikage – Righteous / Emotionally Distant

Being with him, whether it’s in a romantic relationship or friendship, is emotionally draining.

While people pour everything they have into their relationships, Chikage, aside from the people from Mankai, won't even be half as invested. And all the time, patience, and effort that should've come from both parties is off unbalance which ofc turns into an eventual distance.

IF he’s ever confronted about it he sighs, because as expected, it now has become a tiring task for him. People know he’s usually like this. Why getting angry or bothered by his persona? It’s not like he was lying or anything to anyone.

Tsuzuru – Workaholic/ Untrustworthy

I think at first his relationships would be great. Tsuzuru does try to make time for friends/partners/family after all.

But sooner than later, he’s again cramped up with scriptwriting, uni, work... you name it. People notice the pressure he’s under, so he’s usually proposed to take a break, to go with someone somewhere, but he just doesn’t listen.

He will be apologetic “I’m so sorry, I have to complete this before the end of... “I forgot we were…” “I’ll make it up to you next time!” and it’s understandable, but he’s always like this.

If anyone insist too much, he might get irritated and snap, and if the person snaps back or leave he does realize how badly he messed up… but half the time, he won’t make a move. He’ll tell himself to talk it later.

Citron – Toxic Positivity / Overthinker

King of no one can be mad if we don’t focus on the issue? A little bit tactless given the situation as well.

And god bless him but while he takes notice if anyone is not feeling well, partner or not, he decides to be absolutely oblivious to their bad moods. If they want to talk about it he doesn’t get it either. Why is everyone upset about it, at least it’s over now!

Doesn’t like taking responsibility for his actions, making excuses to justify his behavior.

Tenma – Accusatory / Invasive

Always has something to say, no matter the argument – even if he's clearly the one in the wrong. Instead of working it out rationally, he shifts the blame away and pins it on the other person, guilt-tripping into thinking he's the one compromised.

If others were indeed wrong however, prepare for a non-stop nagging for days to come. If driven by his ego, this will escalate and in eeeevery conflict, this will be brought up.

In a relationship Tenma thinks he has the right to intervene in his partner’s personal affairs, meaning if they have something going on or someone they have a problem with, he’s going to lash out even if he was asked to leave it alone. What-? Why are you mad? You should be thanking him!

Muku – Pessimist / Passive

He want to know everything about everyone and in a relationship, his partner is always free to tell him about their problems… but that’s when troubles begin.

Overly sensitive, and when stresses he’s the type to blame himself in any situation which makes dealing with him kind of exhausting after a while.

That said, despite his kind self, Muku is overly passive in his communication. He often avoids direct confrontation, leading to unresolved issues which given his pessimistic nature as well have him tensed all the time awaiting when his actions might turn against him.

Since it really always his fault, you don’t have to remind him.

Misumi – Uncommunicative / Dismissive

Misumi, as many here, has a tendency to avoid confrontation and suppress his emotions, leading to communication barriers and unresolved issues in any type of relationship.

As it goes, this lack of communication prevents any relationship from progressing and resolving underlying issues, creating a stiff dynamic... at least from other people's view, since Misumi likes to get over things quickly and expects everyone to do the same. A little bit tactless in that sense.

This includes having a hard time taking the blame. He wants it to be on everyone. Even if it’s his fault, the closest anyone’s ever going to get is something like Mmm we all said and did things we shouldn’t, right? let’s try to move on!

Kumon – Overwhelming / Unattentive

He doesn’t even know he usually speaks over or interrupts others but definitely knows he has the need to protect their partner.

He’s so deluded into thinking he’s doing a good thing by pulling their partner away from the slightest danger. Sidewalk is too crowded? He’ll insist to walk on the busy road. Too hot today? Maybe it’s better to stay inside. He pulls everyone away every time he thinks they are close to getting hurt. At first it’s nice, but does become suffocating.

And if it's his partner tells him they don’t need his help, he’ll laugh before assisting anyway.

In general relations sometimes he will not stop even if you can’t keep up with him if he’s too excited. He’s just go go go all the time.

Kazunari – Liar / Dependant

On one hand Kazunari knows he can be completely honest with his partner, but he can’t differentiate between being honest in a way that supports a healthy relationship without… sometimes being honest in a way where he says something to hurt their feelings. So yeah, he sometimes lies.

He also involuntarily crosses boundaries (no consent in certain lives, photos uploaded…) and suffocates with constant attention. He struggles with trust issues too, constantly seeking validation from his partner or others to alleviate his insecurities.

This behavior in the end becomes draining if he’s in a relationship, as his partner feels trapped and unable to maintain their independence.

Yuki – Non-existent filter / Accusatory

During intense moments of blinding anger, Yuki jabs out everything he thinks without ever sugarcoating it, and there really isn't much to stop that.

Also maybe because while logical most of the time, he’s a bit short-tempered in certain situations (especially when stressed), so if provoked or at least he feels recriminated, he'll say some really hurtful things, insecurities that people took time to open up to with him.

If something goes wrong and he’s not in the fault he’s quick to complain as well. He already knew what was going to happen, so why did everyone insist on doing it? And why would anyone think he will sympathise afterwards?

Banri – Expectations / Charge

Wants to be in charge of everything. Prone to micromanaging their partner while stubbornly refusing to ask for help even if it’s obvious,

He has so much going on that if anyone crosses him, romantic relationship or not, Banri will play with the “I will leave if you want”. Because he would leave and he wouldn’t even feel regretful.

Because of his good memory and capacities, he tends to wait for people to catch things quickly. He didn’t bring coffee to class and expects people to know that he drank it on the way because morning rehearsal was rough. He didn’t answer anyone’s text so he expected everyone to know that needs revision – to him, that stuff is easy. What? No one knew? He always does similar details for everyone – he shouldn’t have to say it out loud every time.

Specially his partner. They should know what he’s thinking in these moments. If they don’t, maybe they didn’t love him as much as they said.

Taichi – Jealous / Low self-esteem

This boy lacks confidence in himself and the relationship no matter the type.

Catches himself thinking how everyone is much better than him – and in a relationship he’s scared his partner would leave him for anyone. Makes sense. They are perfect and kind, he’s just... him.

Of course he would want to be with their partner all the time, very clingy and overly emotional when arguing with him or when they tell him off. Might have taken a look or two at his partner's notifications of messages. He felt bad after though, he promises!

Juza – Self-esteem / Walls

Usually clueless about what he’s doing wrong and can’t seem to know how much effort to put into a new relationship, romantic or not. It could be days of not talking with him or him not answering just because he didn’t know if it would feel abrasive.

So yeah, I wouldn’t say he’s blinded by his anxieties and worries but then again, it’s not like he’ll ever talk about it with anyone either.

In a relationship, Juza wouldn’t think they love him enough to stay if he reveals all his insecurities. In his eyes, his partner will leave him one day, he knows it. They are too good for someone like him.

Sakyo – Rigid / Controlling

Exceedingly strict but only when it’s related to him. Like, he doesn’t pick up the phone during work time because that wouldn’t be professional of him, yet when he’s with others? He continues mentioning work-related stuff or leaves to take calls.

There’s also certain controlling behavior in his romantic relationships. While he may initially come across as caring and devoted, his need for control becomes evident as the relationship progresses, leading to feelings of suffocation and resentment.

When in a fight, Sakyo is rough with his words and has to have the last word no matter what. His anger also lasts for days and the silent treatment is a huge thing. Will act like nothing has happened after that.

Omi - Low esteem / Unwillingness to commit

This man's steps on eggshells with relationships, romantic or not. Omi is terrified to let anyone in and see their eyes judging.

In a relationship he’s too scared to show how much he loves his partner and honestly that very own cautiousness, that unwillingness to fall, hurts more than he realizes.

Omi is also someone who never expresses complicated feelings, either. He might just need time, but never asks for any.

People are left feeling like they might only be in the relationship because he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings. When asked he hesitates, which hurts the most. He can’t seem to understand he needs to let himself go. This happens again and again because in the end, Omi decides that it’s best to not fall at all – he doesn’t need another scar.

Azami – Extreme / Overly guarded

Azami is prude but as he grows, he becomes not so… accepting.

He scoffs wherever he sees something he doesn’t approve, and if in a relationship their partner wants to hold his hand, he’ll rip it away and lecture them angrily about how it might look to others. You should know by now.

As such, he tends to be emotionally distant and closed-off in all relationships. He struggles and often avoids discussing his feelings or concerns.

This emotional guardedness creates insecurity in the relationships, as many feel like they are unable to connect with him on a deeper level. His reluctance to open up leads to communication misunderstandings as well.

Their partner or friends must not love him, that’s the only reason he can think of – but he won’t show his fear of that possibility.

Tsumugi – Distracted / People pleaser

This young man doesn’t make it on purpose, which is all the way down frustrating.

He will have periods of time where he’s attentive to everyone, and in a relationship his partner is his number one priority.

Others becomes overly focused on his own pursuits, leaving little time or energy for nurturing any type of relationship. When he notices, he becomes again hyper attentive, doing anything for the relationship to not deteriorate.

But since additionally Tsumugi struggles to communicate effectively about his emotions and decisions, this leads to more distance to grow.

Hisoka – Ghosting / Short-tempered

Honestly he doesn’t look into the care and delicacy relationships take. Doesn’t answer messages nor call and if he does it’s quick and short.

He’s sparse with his attention. No, he doesn’t want to go out, partner, friend, or whatever should stop asking. Also it’s becoming annoying. When in a fight, if he finds it’s not important, it will always seem like he doesn’t care about anything.

Hisoka won’t compromise either, he won’t be more attentive, he doesn’t want to be, that’s too much work. And if they try to force it? Then people just don’t get him and probably just want to change him.

People unwllingness to accept and understand who he is only proves to him that this specific relationship whatever people what to call it, wasn’t meant to be, so he shrugs it off.

Azuma – Façade / Bottling emotions

No matter what, he refuses to share information about himself and can’t keep everything equal, whether you are a friend or his partner.

If there’s a feeling like something is off, and anyone mentions it rather than admitting what’s on his mind he’ll simply say that it’s fine, that all is good and perfect, and then proceed to bury it even deeper within him.

Azuma keeps burying his feelings in and trying not to resent whatever is causing him like this more and more until one day something happens and his emotions erupt out of him and he’s crying or worse, leaves for some time.

If anyone wants to know where he’s been, well, good luck trying to figure it out.

Tasuku – Rough / Absent-minded

Prioritizes his own needs and desires above others, resulting in selfish and insensitive behavior. I can’t imagine Tasuku changing his routine to fit someone else in, lover or not.

To him it’s pretty straightforward If someone doesn’t fall into sync with him, that’s life and this relationship just wasn’t meant to be. What? Why should he change the time he goes to the gym – shouldn’t his partner just get up earlier if they want to eat breakfast with him?

Or with his friends, sure he gets along, but why should he alter the way his life is, and try to finish rehearsal earlier? He doesn’t get the reason to change and tends to avoid fighting, not just because of cutting contact, but because he doesn’t want to fight with anyone... he doesn’t have time for whatever it is.

Homare – Overly worried / Opinionated

By now everyone should know that he will not give you much space when there’s a problem. He will constantly be asking questions about it and little time does he tries to listen to all versions or if he even should intervene.

And holy molly does he intervene often enough.

Also Homare doesn't get mad almost never, but becomes incredibly distressed when something goes wrong.

He won't say anything when he's feeling like that though. It's hard for him to control his emotions during a difficult time period and usually needs to be comforted to calm down but becomes so difficult when it’s time to allow people into the real him.

Guy – Distant / Trust

If this man ever has any type of problem, most people, partner included, will never know.

It’s not that he’s actively trying to keep things away, but he has no way of knowing that he should be sharing certain things.

Everyone is held at arm’s length. His partner might think being his partner would make them close, but it always feels like he confides in his troupe more than them.

Guy doesn’t have a good example of what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like, so don’t expect him to do anything romantic unless anyone tells him so. He also doesn’t have a filter, meaning he’s brutally honest. No one should be surprised if he hurts feelings in his monotonous voice.

_______________________________________________________

Hope you all enjoyed it, definitely interesting to think of them in these terms.

Have a wonderful day! 💕💕

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autisticlancemcclain · 1 year

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“Anyone seen Lance?” Shiro asks, checking his watch. “We have to suit up in an hour, but I haven’t heard anything from him.”

No sooner do the words come out of his mouth does the man in question stroll into the kitchen, pausing in front of the table where everyone is gathered and clearing his throat.

“I will not be accompanying you guys on the mission,” he announces.

It takes everyone a moment to process that one. Hunk is the first to react, something clicking in his expression before he groans, resting his forehead on the table.

“Here we go,” he mutters tiredly.

Lance happily ignores him, pouring himself some food goo and taking a seat next to Keith.

“Are you ill?” Allura asks, when Lance fails to provide any further context.

“Nope! I’m just going to hang back from this mission because I Saw what’s going to happen last night and no part of me is interested in crawling through sewage. Y’all have fun, though.”

“Why the hell do you think we’ll be crawling through sewage?” Keith asks. “All the Yuvleans want us to do is find some crystal for them.”

“And I’m telling you it’s going to involve crawling through the sewage system,” Lance insists. “I’m not doing that. I’ll stay on the castle with Coran and do chores, or something.”

Shiro looks pleadingly to Hunk.

“Please translate,” he asks.

This is not unusual. Lance and Hunk frequently have to explain each other’s trains of thought to the team at large.

“Lance thinks he can see the future,” Hunk explains tiredly. “He is not a Seer. He just gets lucky, occasionally, and he’s observant. There is nothing I can do to convince him otherwise.”

“That’s because you’re wrong,” Lance says patiently. “I do so get visions. I told you about the mermaid planet when we were fifteen, remember?”

“Lance, you dreamed once about alien mermaids and the universe is so batshit insane that it ended up being true. That is not predicting the future.”

“Mhm, sure. And the fact that I knew the names of the mermaids we could trust was coincidence.”

“Exactly!”

Hunk and Pidge both look exasperated, but Keith looks intrigued.

“You can really tell the future?”

“Please tell me you don’t believe in that shit too,” Pidge groans.

Both paladins ignore her.

“Not as clearly as you’re thinking,” Lance says, making a so-so motion with his hand. “I don’t usually get full detailed visions, although I do occasionally. Usually I get bits and pieces, right before something happens. Like, if we’re on an infiltration mission and we don’t know which hallway to take to escape, I usually get a flash of images that tell me what’s down each one.”

Shiro, who had been eyeing Lance warily for the most part, tilts his head in consideration. “You do manage to lead us out of ships when everything goes to shit.”

Hunk looks at him incredulously. “You too?! What part of ‘Lance has good instincts and is crazy observant’ am I making unclear? Science, people!”

“I’m not saying I think he can see in the future,” Shiro says hastily. “But I’m not saying he can’t, either.”

“Thank you,” Lance says emphatically. “Finally, someone believes me.”

“Hey,” Keith protests. “I believed you the whole time!”

“‘Course, Mullet,” Lance says with a grin and a wink. Keith goes a little red. “I appreciate it.”

“I also believe you!” Allura says excitedly. “One of my mother’s handmaidens also spoke of an ability to see forward in time, and she often made excellent predictions about future trades!”

“Ha,” Lance says, pointing his spork triumphantly at his best friends. Both of them roll their eyes in tandem. “Coran believes me, too. Said he can feel it in my quintessence, or something. You guys are outnumbered.”

“Whatever,” Pidge mutters, but she doesn’t really look all that annoyed. “I can’t believe you’re skipping the chance to flirt with pretty aliens just because you had a weird dream. I can’t believe you’re staying back to do chores instead of prancing around the planet’s canals and comparing the water to beaches back home.”

Lance shrugs, standing up to dunk his empty bowl in the sink. “Like I said, I’m not crawling through the sewer,” he says, heading for the doors. “But y’all have fun. Let me know if you meet the ninja turtles.”

———

Hours later, five very grumpy, very dirty paladins stomp their way back to the castle. Lance and Coran meet them at the decontamination chamber.

“Have a shitty time?” Lance asks smugly.

“Dollar in the bad pun jar,” Keith says immediately, just as Hunk says: “Can it, Cassandra.”

Hunk sounds cranky as he says it, but instead of being offended, Lance only laughs.

“Fitting,” he taunts, “since no one believed Cassandra and she ended up being right. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it, Hunky?”

Hunk levels him with a glare, but only lasts about three seconds before a reluctant smile spreads across his face.

“Alright, alright, touché. I still think you just made an educated guess. But I’ll give you that one.”

“Sure thing, bud. I’ve Seen the day you and Pidge believe me, you know. I’m going to be very smug.”

“More smug than right now?” Allura asks.

Lance smirks. “Exponentially.”

———

Shiro doesn’t let Lance skip any more missions because of his Sight. “If a mission is going to suck, then we get to suffer as a group. Team building,” he reasons.

He still doesn’t quite believe that Lance can See the future. But he does start to take Lance’s input in mission planning, so long as Lance can actually rationalize his predictions.

“That’s not going to work,” Lance says firmly, tapping the path Shiro has drawn down a hallway on the blueprints of the Galran cruiser they’re planning to infiltrate. “If we split up, Allura is going to get ambushed and hurt.”

Shiro inclines his head. “Reasoning?”

Lance pauses for a moment to study the blueprints further, trying to figure out why he knows that to be true. He saw the altercation in a vision, of course, but over the weeks of planning with Shiro he’s found that his divinations often follow a largely logical path of reasonings, Sherlock-style.

“This is a Druid-heavy cruiser,” he says finally. “See how the energy systems are rerouted to neutralize more power outbursts than usual? That means a lot of raw quintessence outside of its usual transport containers, which means Druids. And you know how freaky they are about trying to isolate Allura and take her for her quintessence abilities. She shouldn’t spend a second on this ship alone, and especially not down the corridors that are most heavily fortified and monitored. She’s our strongest, but in this case it will only make her a target.”

“Sounds good to me,” Shiro says, placing a proud hand on Lance’s shoulder. “We’ll work out something better, huh?”

———

It’s no secret that Lance spends at least two nights a week at the observation deck; missing his family and falling asleep to the projection of Earth’s steady turn. The team has quietly worked out something like a schedule, making sure he’s never there alone, and everyone makes sure he knows he knows they love him and are there for him.

Lance pretends to be oblivious to the schedule. He saw it in a dream before he’d even met most of the team, but he likes that they try so hard to keep it quiet anyway. It’s sweet.

“Do you know why I’m like this?” he asks one night, when Coran is the one to follow him in.

The advisor takes a moment to consider the question carefully, humming softly.

“I felt something different about you the second I saw you,” he says eventually. He huffs a laugh. “That’s half the reason I was so defensive of you.”

Lance snorts, remembering Coran’s flailing and threats. “I thought it was because I made eyes at Allura.”

Coran grins, checking him gently across the shoulders. “That, too, lad.” His expression turns more serious, pondering. “But I’ve always been very in tune with the energies of the universe, the balance of quintessence in every single thing that takes space. My father taught me to sit quietly with the space between things, to feel how they fit together. You, my dear —” he shifts to look at Lance directly, jewelled eyes meeting deep brown — “your quintessence reaches farther than most. For whatever reason, your soul is stretched wide, across space and time. Everyone’s is, to some degree, but yours more so. For whatever reason, when you came to be, the universe saw fit to grant you the burden of Knowing.”

He takes one of Lance’s hands in his, squeezing gently. “It’s a lot of responsibility, child. But there’s no one I would trust more to shoulder it with grace.”

———

Usually, Lance’s Gift is harmless. It doesn’t matter who on the team does or does not believe — it never has a great enough bearing on their life and mission to make a massive decision.

Until it does.

Until Lance stops mid-attack, freezing in his lion, shout ringing through the comms.

“Lance, come in,” Shiro demands. “What’s wrong?”

Everyone’s screen flickers for a moment before Lance’s comm feed pulls up, brown eyes wide and panicked, terror written all across his face.

“We need to pull back!” he says frantically. “Now, now, now!”

“We can’t pull back now!” Pidge protests. “That ship has the closest guarantee to finding Matt than any other we’ve found so far, and our intel guarantees we outmatch them!”

“I Saw differently, they have —”

Pidge bares her teeth at him. “If you think I’m giving up on my brother because you think you can tell the future —”

“You have to trust me,” Lance begs. “The entire fleet is a setup. All the fighter jets are manned by sentries, there’s not a single soldier on board the commanding ship. It’s a giant bomb. The second we touch it it’s going to blow so big it’ll start a new solar system. Please.”

“Lance, now is not the time —” Shiro interjects.

“I know, but —”

“We have every guarantee from the Blades that my brother may very well be on that ship!” Pidge says shrilly. “I know you think you can see the future Lance, but I just can’t trust that!”

“I’m not asking you to trust it,” Lance says again, more and more desperate by the second. “I’m asking you to trust me. And I promise you, Pidge, if we move forward than every single one of us is going to die.”

Tears drip from Pidge’s eyes. Her face crumples.

“Why are you making me choose between my brother and the team?” she sobs.

“Please trust me,” Lance begs again.

She swipes a hand across her eyes.

“If you’re wrong, I’m never going to forgive you.”

As soon as she says the words, Lance is yelling for everyone to pull back. Shiro echoes him, and the retreat back to the castle. As Allura opens a wormhole, the entire fleet starts to blow, every explosion tripping the ship next to it, until the entirety of the blackness of space is ignited in bright white flame and incinerating debris.

They barely make it through the wormhole in one piece.

———

“I still don’t believe you,” Pidge says stubbornly, once her tears have dried and they’re all safe in their hangars.

Lance smiles softly. “Thank you for trusting me anyway.”

———

Hours after everyone else has fallen asleep, after the last movie for movie night has ended, Keith and Lance sit facing each other on a mound of blankets, knees pulled up their their chins and arms held tightly around their legs.

“Your turn,” Keith whispers.

Lance hums. “How many questions do I have left?”

“We passed twenty forever ago. I think we’re just getting to know each other, now.”

“Oh.”

“Is that okay?”

Lance hides a grin in his pajama-covered knees. “Yeah.”

“Good. Ask your question, doofus. You’re taking forever.”

“‘Kay. How come you pretended not to recognize me when we were rescuing Shiro?”

Keith’s face flames. “I really didn’t recognize you!” he insists.

Lance shakes his head. “We had four group projects together, and you smirked at me after no less than twelve flight sims. I’m not buying it, Samurai.”

Keith holds his gaze for several minutes, glaring stubbornly. But finally he deflates.

“Fine,” he concedes. “I remember you. But if I tell you why I pretended to forget, you have to promise not to get mad, okay?”

“Fine, fine. Just tell me already.”

Keith looks away. He’s quiet for long enough that Lance reaches over to pinch him for not answering.

“Jesus, okay! I’m getting there.” He bites his lip. “Do you remember that dumbass line you used to say? About threading the needle?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“Uh. I didn’t get it for a long time. I thought —” he grimaces, accepting Lance’s oncoming diva fit — “I thought your name was Taylor. So.”

To his surprise, Lance bursts out laughing.

“You dumbass! Did you really?”

“It was a valid assumption!” Keith defends. “You said that people called you tailor! What was I supposed to think?”

“Our names are right next to each other on roll call,” Lance chokes out, wiping a tear from his eye. He flashes a teasing grin as he slowly starts to calm down. “Guess there’s I reason I usually did better on the practicals, huh?”

“Oh, shut up,” Keith says, scowling. “You barely did better.”

“Neck and neck,” Lance teases.

“Yeah, yeah, cargo pilot. Whatever you say.”

They’re both quiet for a moment, silence interrupted only by Shiro’s horrible snoring and Lance’s occasional giggle.

“It’s your turn,” he says, once he’s finally gotten himself under control. Keith rolls his eyes, but asks anyway.

“How come you don’t flirt with random aliens anymore?”

To his surprise, the question makes Lance flush darkly. He looks away, picking at his nails.

“I, uh, Saw that I end up with someone soon. Feels disrespectful to flirt knowing I’m gonna be with him any time now.”

Keith’s breath hitches. “Him?”

“Them,” Lance corrects hastily, but the damage is already done.

“Who is he? Do I —”

“Game’s over,” Lance says hastily. “I just had a vision. If we keep playing you’re going to choke to death and die after I make an excellent joke, so. Better safe than sorry.”

“You’re so full of shit,” Keith accuses, but Lance has never been wrong before, so he hesitates.

Lance notices, doubling down. “Yep. I try to give you the Heimlich and everything, but it doesn’t work. You die in minutes. Gotta prevent that.”

“Fine,” Keith says sullenly. “I guess we should go to sleep then.”

“Probably,” Lance agrees, audibly relieved. “Don’t want you to die or anything.”

His face is red until the second he falls asleep.

———

Lance has his impulsive moments, sure. But the real impulsive members of the team are Keith or Pidge, no question about it. They are the king and queen of dumbass, split-second decisions.

When Lance gets a vision, mid-fight, on a planet so overrun with Galran soldiers that ‘outnumbered’ does not begin to cover it, he kicks both of those losers off their thrones by a goddamn mile.

“Lance!” Allura yells, once she realizes he’s breaking formation. “What the quiznack are you doing?”

“The witch controls it all,” he gasps out, to quiet for anyone to hear. He ignores the shouts of his team, ignores their questions, ignores his own guilt for leaving them so abruptly, and books it, as fast as he can, straight towards the cluster of Druids. They stand in a perfect circle, all perfectly still, tendrils of lightning quintessence pouring out of them faster than Lance can track, all tunnelling towards where Zarkon stands suspended above them all, sending deadly bolts of attack at Voltron and their scrambling allies down below. Every time a Druid drops, their very life force drained from them, a new one fills their place, as quickly as possible.

But Lance doesn’t need to see what’s in the centre of their circle with his eyes. He’s Seen it. He knows who lies in the middle of the cluster, who is pulling the strings between the entire empire, who has been this entire time.

As he runs, he feels his bayard warm in his hand, feels the form change from the barrel of his beloved gun to something sturdy, smooth, curved. When he glances down, he sees the familiar contour of a bow.

It’s too simple.

Far too simple.

But Lance trusts himself. He trusts the universe, and the responsibility Coran says it has granted him. He knows it would not lie to him.

He stops hundreds of feet before the cluster of Druids, standing firm as they all turn to face him in unison. He does not flinch when they raise their arms towards him, does not move when Zarkon turns to face him, raw quintessence lighting up his arms as he takes aim directly where Lance stands.

Lance breathes in. He aims the bow high in the sky, not at the Druids, not at Zarkon, but where he knows the arrow will arch gracefully, and make it’s deadly decent: landing dead in the centre of the Druids, where Haggar stands, unfocused on the sky above her.

Lance exhales.

He fires.

He hears a wicked shriek echo louder than any person every could, just as Zarkon’s final blast hits him square in the chest.

His own agonized screams drown out the terrified yells of his team.

———

You’d think it would be quiet, death. It’s the absence of life, after all. The cease of all movement. The end of one’s time.

It’s not.

Lance feels every one of his cells as they sizzle and fry, his very molecules tearing themselves apart as the blast of quintessence breaks easily through his armour. He feels every part of his body and soul incinerate out of existence.

It sounds like one long, shrill screech of brakes stopping abruptly.

It hurts.

———

“There’s no way he’s going to survive that! It’s a waste of time to hope!”

“How can you say that? How dare you say that?

“You think I want to? You think I want this? His very soul was fried, Keith! He is my best friend, he is my brother, but I am not going to put myself or anyone else through the pain of hoping!”

“The pain of hoping is the only thing that can make the pain of giving up feel better!”

———

Coming back to life is shockingly silent, in contrast. Still, too. He knows he’s not dead — he can’t be, if he’s thinking — but he can’t feel any further than that.

Everything is quiet.

———

It’s barely noticeable, when he can finally feel again. The faintest brush of a hand through his hair, a whisper, the press of lips to his forehead.

Then nothing, again.

———

“You’re going to make it, Lance. I’ll kill you if you don’t, you dumbass, selfless bastard.”

———

By the time he can finally move again, he feels like he’s lived four thousand lives. It’s the barest twitch of his finger, but it makes someone gasp, and then there’s a hand grasping his.

“C’mon, Lance,” it says quietly. “Prove me wrong, okay? About Seeing and living and everything. Please. Show me how wrong I was. I’ll even let you gloat forever, okay? I’ll never complain again. I’m sorry.”

Lance tries his hardest to move further, to squeeze Hunk’s hand; hell, even to twitch his finger again.

Nothing.

“That’s okay,” Hunk assures quietly. There’s a slight pressure on his head, briefly, and the scent of Hunk’s face cream and motor oil, and then it’s gone.

“Take your time, okay? I’ll be here. We all will.”

———

The first person Lance sees when he finally opens his eyes again is Allura. He can’t make his mouth move, can’t call out, but he doesn’t have to — she smiles softly at him, never moving her hand from his hair.

“It’s good to see those eyes again,” she whispers. “We’ve missed you, Lance. You think you can try moving your hand? I’ll help you, if you like.”

Lance screws his eyes shut — not because he wants to, he doesn’t, he’s only just opened them, he never wants to close them again — but he can’t seem to stop himself. It takes so much effort just to lift his hand a millimeter up from the mattress it rests on.

“Good!” Allura says, and when Lance forces his eyes open again he sees that she’s smiling much brighter, now, although tears drip down her cheeks.

“You’re so much closer every day, asteraki. In a couple weeks you’ll be all healed up, I’m sure. Okay?”

Lance still can’t make his mouth move, but he manages a hum. That makes her smile wider.

———

Allura is not entirely correct. He is not entirely healed in a couple weeks. But he gets closer and closer every day. After one week, he can move his hands, even though they shake. After two, he can speak, although his voice is raspier than the desert.

The first thing he asks for is an update — did he do it? Did it work?

“Zarkon and Haggar crumbled to dust,” Shiro assures him. “The second your arrow struck. Ten thousand years caught up to them, I guess. The Druids died, too. The Empire hasn’t really gone anywhere, but it’s in chaos. No one knows what to do. Planets are revolting left and right.”

He squeezes Lance’s hands, lifting one up to press a kiss to his knuckles.

“You did it, kiddo. You and that goddamned gift of yours.”

———

It takes months. Months of physical therapy, if speech therapy, of disgusting nutrient-rich diets and fine-motor training that frustrates Lance to tears.

It works, though. Over time, he starts to come back to himself. Not everything is fixed — he needs hearing aids, now, because he was so close to Haggar’s final scream that it shattered his ear drums. His hair is bleached white, too, and lightning-shaped scars run up and down his skin — Shiro jokes that they should start a club. He’s unbelievably lucky that he regains all the mobility in his hands. He still speaks in a stutter, and he likely will for the rest of his life.

But he’s fuckin’ alive, goddamnit, so he’s sure as shit not complaining.

His visions stop coming, too.

He doesn’t mind.

“You were right, though,” Hunk says.

As promised.

“You really could see the fuckin’ future. I’ll be damned.”

“This moment was slightly less depressing in my vision,” Lance says, grinning wryly. “All I got were those two sentences. Who know I almost had to die to get ‘em.”

Hunk glares, flicking him lightly in the forehead. “Too soon, buddy.”

“It’s been half a goddamn year since I got nuked!”

“It will be too soon for the rest of our lives. Your lucky I didn’t build you the safety bubble I wanted to build you, you menace.”

“He really was going to,” Pidge pipes up. “I had to pry the blueprints from his hands.”

Lance tips an imaginary hat. “And I thank you for your service.”

“Whatever, goober,” she says, rolling her eyes, but she’s smiling.

———

There’s nothing strange about the knock on his door. Keith knocks as he always does: just one singular knock, to make people on edge, because he thinks it’s funny.

But Lance freezes.

Because he recognises this feeling, the intense feeling of déjà vù mixed with clear memory — one of his old visions is playing out.

And there’s only one outstanding vision of his that takes place in his bedroom, with Keith, as he’s folding laundry.

“Come in,” he squeaks, desperately trying to compose himself and fight the blush off his face and failing horribly.

Keith steps in and immediately starts helping Lance with the laundry, even though he’s horrible at it and always insists that closets have more space if you roll up clothes instead of folding them.

Menace boy.

He’s quiet for a long moment, rolling laundry until Lance smacks him, and then begrudgingly folding it.

“Did you See this?” he asks eventually.

“Yes,” Lance admits, because he sees no reason to lie.

“Then you know what I’m going to say.”

“I do.”

Keith’s hands finally still, and he sighs, finally looking over at Lance with a smile that shows the barest peek of his crooked incisors. “That doesn’t make it easier, somehow.”

Lance’s belly curls, like he always does when Keith smiles at him like that. He tries to remind himself that he is a grown ass man and he does not need to swoon like a preteen when his crush looks at him, thanks. He forces himself to set the laundry down and take a step towards Keith.

“You should say it anyway.”

Keith hums, closing the distance between them and placing on hand on Lance’s hip.

“Is that how we’re gonna play it, Sharpshooter? You’re not gonna have mercy on me?”

Lance’s breath hitches. “Not for a second.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Keith mumbles, and then his other hand cups Lance’s cheek and he doesn’t waste a second before pressing their lips together, firmly, like he knows Lance can take it.

“I’m in love with you, Lance. I want to be yours. Sound alright?”

“I suppose I could live with it,” Lance rasps, completely unable to dodge the flick that Keith aims for his head when they stand so close.

He decides he doesn’t mind, though, not when Keith shuts up any further teasing with another press of their lips together.

And another.

It’s just as good as Lance knew it would be.

401 notes · View notes

eddiesfairy · 2 years

Note

🐈‍⬛ : short fluff blurb

“you’re so cute.” “what did you just say?” “i said you look like a boot.” with jj maybank pls my love <33

like a what? — JJ Maybank x Reader

word count : 1.5k ( i got carried away )

“Listen Kie, I’m not saying that you’re being dumb, but you’re being dumb.” you say as you help her carry the bags into the chateau. You both went shopping for John B since he cannot shop for groceries to save his life. And besides, you are all always hanging out here anyways so a shopping trip was needed.

Kie swears she’s never seen you like this. She watches as you look at JJ with an almost bewildered look, and you thank him, before quickly moving away from him and back towards the remainder of the shopping bags. You don’t see it, but Kie sees the flush of pink that’s now evident on JJ’s cheeks. He gives Kie a wary look before he exits the kitchen leaving you flustered and Kie even more assured.

“Yea, he totally doesn’t like you. Wow, how could I not see it.” Kie says sarcastically and you roll your eyes at her. You both pack the remainder of the groceries away before you make your way outside. In the time you were bantering inside, Pope had joined the group. You have a good friendship with Pope. He’s funny, a great listener and he’s quite good looking. He’s also Kiara’s crush and you drew a mental line that you’d never cross when you found out. You respect Kie too much.

You run to Pope and he embraces you in a hug, “y/n! It’s been forever! How are you?” he says and you both burst out laughing. You made it an inside joke that every time you’d greet each other, it’d be like you haven’t seen each other in months. It always keeps the humour alive.

JJ stands next to Kie and rolls his eyes at the sight of you two, “ They’re so dramatic. They just saw each other at school a few hours ago.” he says and Kie can’t help but smile to herself. He’s jealous. Kie looks at him and laughs, “Are you jealous, J?” she says and he spits the beer that he was drinking out of his mouth. “What are you on about?” he asks as he glares at her, trying to decipher what plan she’s got brewing in her head.

“Oh nothing, don't worry your little brain about it.” she says, walking to join you and Pope, leaving JJ alone and suspicious.

John B finally arrived home and grabbed a beer inside before making his way outside and sitting on the boat that’s laying upside down in the yard. You’re sitting in the hammock with JJ, and Kie and Pope are sitting on chopped tree stumps from the previous storm. You loved your little family. You all complimented each other in the best way. You always stood up for them and you know they’d all do illegal things for you, as you would for them.

Pope stands up from the stump, “Does anyone need anything from inside?” you nod and JJ looks at you before looking at Pope, “Yep, our dear y/n needs another beer, thank you Pope.” JJ finishes and settles in the hammock, making it swing slightly.

You look at Kie before looking at JJ, and he looks at you from over his beer can. You smile softly at him before thanking Pope and starting a conversation to clear the tension. “So there’s probably going to be a kegger tonight. Are we going?” you ask and direct the question to John B, but JJ speaks before John B could even reply, “Yes, of course we are. Have we ever not gone to one?” he asks you and you’re pretty sure the answer is yes. The pogues have never missed a Kegger, unless they absolutely needed to. You remember the one time you got sick and couldn’t go, and all the pogues stayed home with you and had a movie night with popcorn.

“Right, of course.” you smile and look at JJ, making his heart flutter.

Kie stands up before nearly dragging you out of the hammock, “Come on! We need to get ready then!” she says and you laugh as you try not to fall flat on your face. Kiara drags you to the room where you both usually use when you stay over and she pulls out a black top, before tossing it to you, “wear that, it’ll make JJ lose his shit.” she laughs and you can’t help but laugh too. “Listen Kie, I’m all for making a man lose his shit, but I don’t think he’ll care that much. It’s just a shirt.” you say and Kie feigns shock. “y/n, you clearly know nothing about JJ because whenever he sees you and you’re wearing a low cut shirt, that’s where he looks first.” she says and you look at her, surprised. “This is news to me. But now I’m interested in seeing this ‘look’ he supposedly gives me.” you say and unbutton the shirt you’re wearing. Kie throws you a high waisted jean short and you raise your brow. “To accent your legs, you've got amazing ones. Show em’ off.” she finishes before taking her outfit and going to the bathroom, leaving you in the room to get dressed.

When Kie comes back her mouth is nearly hanging on the floor when she sees you in the outfit she picked out. “Jesus, y/n. You might just give him a heart attack.” she says and gives you another look before opening the door that leads to the living room where the boys are patiently waiting for the two of you.

Kie leaves the room first and JJ looks up at the commotion before you enter the room. JJ thinks he’s seeing the first glance of heaven when you walk out of the bedroom, and his heart starts beating too fast. Holy shit.

You’re nervous to see JJ’s reaction to your outfit but the rest of the boys give a wolf whistle as you both enter the room and you see JJ wipe his hands off on the side of his jeans before standing up and walking towards you. You smile at him as he stands in front of you, looking down before quickly looking back up, but you caught it. That was what Kie was talking about.

JJ looks at you and you walk towards the door but hear him whisper, “You look so cute.” You turn around and look at him, “What did you just say, J?” you say as you both make your way outside and the twinkie comes in sight. Before JJ can think he blurts out, “I said you look like a boot.” you look at him and the look on his face makes you crack up. “A boot? Really JJ? That’s the only thing you could think of that rhymes with cute?” you say and smile at the blush creeping on his face. JJ smiles sheepishly at you while scratching the back of his neck. “Honestly y/n, you look really hot right now and I’m just really fucking nervous s’all.” he admits and you smile at him.

You’re both seated next to each other and John B puts on the radio, flooding the twinkie with an upbeat tune, when you turn to JJ and whisper in his ear, “You don’t look too bad yourself , big boy.”

a/n: this is my first obx fic on this account and idk how i feel about it. . . also changed one of the words a bit but it turned out perfect!

#✎ eddiesfairy follower celebration ✦ ⸰ 𖥔 ͙ࣳ 𓂃 #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x fem reader #jj maybank x reader fluff #eddiesfairy obx

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ladykailitha · 1 year

Text

Oh For a Muse of Fire! Part 8

Here we get Eddie side of the story mixed with a bit of what happened to Steve. I traded bats for a ruptured appendix and died for almost.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Eddie got to his apartment and called Chrissy. It was time for that long talk.

Chrissy arrived with beer and ice cream. She flopped on the sofa and handed him the first beer.

“So you going to finally tell me why you hate Garnet?” she asked, popping open her own beer.

Eddie sighed and settled next to her with two spoons. He handed one to her and dug into the ice cream. “First off, you’re going have to know his real name, because context is key.”

Chrissy shrugged. “I had a feeling they all knew each other before you told me you went to high school with them. I don’t think Diamond realized. I think he just assumes that they have been working together for so long that they just work well together.”

Eddie closed his eyes tightly and opened them slowly. “His name is Steve Harrington and I’ve never hated him.”

Chrissy raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know, Eddie, you seemed pretty hostile to me.”

Eddie took a swig of his beer and leaned back against the cushions. “Yeah, well. In high school he was everything. You know the type. Beautiful, athletic, rich, popular, sweet as honey. Everyone had a crush on this dude.”

She grinned, dimpling her cheeks. “So like me!”

Eddie laughed and kissed her forehead. “I do have a type, sweetheart.”

“Good taste,” she said with a wink. “I approve. Go on.”

“He was everything,” he murmured. “And then after I came back from an acute case of appendicitis everything had changed. He suddenly wasn’t the top of the food chain. He was closed off, withdrawn. Almost angry.” He frowned recalling how everyone just seemed to avoid Steve like he was the plague.

“And then,” Eddie continued, “about a year or so after I finally graduated. I see him in this tight light blue polo shirt and he’s soaking wet, like someone dumped water on him or something.” He cleared his throat. “He was sitting there just shivering. So I go over there and ask if he needs help. He doesn’t even look up, so I reach out and touch his shoulder to try and get his attention.”

Eddie squeezed his eyes closed again, fighting back the tears. “And he hits me. He hits me so hard I have to go the fucking hospital.”

Chrissy put down her beer and wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, Eddie! I’m so sorry, sweetie.”

Eddie curled up into a ball, beginning to sob. “Hunt the freak, you know? So he hates me enough to lash out and seriously hurt me. So I’ve trading barbs with him to keep him at a distance. To keep myself from getting hurt again. Maybe not physically this time. But hurt nonetheless.”

“So what changed?” she whispered into his hair. “Why tell me this now?”

“I was on my way home when I saw Robin...eh, Pearl to you, crouching down next to Steve as he rocked back and forth clutching his hair.”

Chrissy’s eyes went wide. “Holy shit, was he okay?”

Eddie struggled to get up, so she let him. “He was having a panic attack. Apparently he has these nasty scars on his back. Like really ugly rug burns, but way worse. And when it started raining the white shirt turned translucent.”

“And he was panicking about people being able to see them?” she asked gently.

Eddie nodded. “He dissociates and can get violent. He only has a vague recollection of these things. I looked it up and sometimes they don’t remember anything at all.”

Chrissy sagged. “Oh shit. He doesn’t know he hit you, does he?”

Eddie shook his head. “I’m sure Robin’s gonna tell him. But yeah. Everything I’ve known, everything I’ve held close to my chest for so long, nursing that ache. Sharpening knives on the wound, letting it bleed and fester has been a lie.”

“No, baby,” she whispered. “No. How were you to know? How would have anyone known?”

He let out a shuddering breath. “Apparently the entire fucking country knows according to Robin.”

Chrissy cocked her head to the side and frowned. “What do you mean?”

“She said that what happened to him was on the news for a long time,” he explained.

She pulled out her phone and began typing. “Holy fucking shit.”

Eddie tried to look at her phone but she pulled away from him. “What?”

She gulped and turned to him slowly. “I thought the name Steve Harrington sounded familiar. Drink the rest of that beer, babe. You’re going to need it.”

Eddie took a long sip of his beer, eyeing her warily. He held up the bottle to show that it was empty and set it down. “All right, spill. What the fuck is horrifying that I need to be drunk for it?”

She turned the phone over and Eddie got up and personal shots of the scars on Steve’s back when they were road rash. There were also close up shots of a ring like wound around his neck. The neck one looked worse than the road burn.

“What the fuck happened?” he choked out.

Chrissy took her phone back and set it on the coffee table. “I’m going to tell you what I heard and remember and then later you can look up news articles and TV spots. Later because I don’t think I can take hearing it again. Because Eddie? It was entirely fucked up.”

Eddie looked at her with tears in his eyes. “How fucked up are we talking about?”

“Like got the Feds involved, hate crime levels of fucked up,” she said darkly. “And you have to understand this all from news reports and stuff. I wasn’t there, you’d have to ask Steve or Robin...” she paused. “It feels weird to call them by their real names. Because she was involved, too.”

“What happened?” he asked, barely holding back the tears.

“Prom king, captain of the basketball team, co-captain of the swim team was tied up and dragged behind the motorcycle of a rival at school because he stepped in between him and a girl who was be bullied for being gay.”

“What?!” Eddie squawked. “You have got to be fucking kidding me!”

Chrissy shook her head. “That’s how the story goes anyway. And if Garnet is Steve Harrington like you say he is, then fuck. His dad didn’t just kick him out for being gay. His dad beat him and threw him out the second he turned eighteen. It was part of the big scandal. He went to go stay with Robin’s family until he graduated high school.”

“Holy shit,” he breathed. “And all this happened when?”

Chrissy rubbed her lip thoughtfully. “When were you in the hospital?”

Eddie sat back and really had to think. “It would have been after the middle school’s Snow Ball, because me and the boys played. But before Christmas? I vaguely remember having to go back to school for a couple days before winter break.”

She nodded. “That tracks. While you were in the hospital with acute appendicitis Steve was getting the shit beaten out of him by a raging homophobe and his dad.” She paused for a moment and tilted her head to the side thoughtfully. “Who is also a raging homophobe.”

Eddie tilted his head back and sighed. He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, trying to hold back his tears. After a few moments, he lowered his head and looked Chrissy in the eye. “I’ve fucked up, haven’t I?”

Chrissy leaned over and took his face gently in her hands. “You listen to me Edmund Joseph Munson. You did not fuck up. You protected yourself with the information you had. You only fuck up if you continue to be an ass.”

He let out a shuddered breath. “I don’t know what to do now. How to act, what to say.”

She pulled him to her chest. “Apologizing and explaining is the best place to start.”

He nodded and let the tears flow, sobbing into her shoulder as he was racked with shame and guilt.

Steve woke up to a somber Robin and jacket he knew better than his own. Eddie’s leather jacket, the one he always wore.

She sat him down and explained what happened last night. And he sat through it all, numb.

“Oh.”

He didn’t know what else to say. What could he say? Eddie’s reason for hating him was valid.

“Yeah,” Robin agreed. “So what are you going to do about it?”

Steve rubbed the soft leather of the jacket between his fingers. “I wouldn’t even know how to make it up to him.”

Robin tilted her head, her expression fond. “I know movies tell you to go big when making it up to people. But I’ve found people are more likely to be embarrassed by that shit. So start small, and keep being repentant. Just know, he doesn’t have to forgive you. He might never.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Robs.” He kissed her cheek. “You’re the best friend a guy could have.”

She smiled. “And don’t you forget it.”

“Never.”

Steve got to class and sat nervously in his spot, his knee jerking wildly, tapping his foot against the rung of the stool. And then Eddie walked in wearing a soft grey hoodie with a denim vest over top of it.

Steve gulped. Eddie looked good. He grabbed the jacket from his bag and hurried up to him.

“Hey,” he greeted shyly.

Eddie turned to him, like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Um...thanks for the jacket.” Steve held out the jacket at arm’s length, trying so hard not to squeeze his eyes to brace against Eddie’s forthcoming attack.

Eddie took the jacket gently from Steve’s grasp. “Hey, it was the least I could do since I couldn’t do anything else.”

Steve hung his head. “Yeah. I should see a therapist to at least getting better coping strategies but that requires money and health insurance. Two things that are a little thin on the ground right now.”

Eddie’s shouldered sagged, he put his other hand on Steve’s bicep. “Hey, PTSD is inevitable after what you went through. I’m just sorry I didn’t know until now.”

Steve lifted his head, furrowing his brow. “That’s what Robin said. But I don’t understand how.”

Eddie pursed his lips and gave Steve’s arm a squeeze before letting go. “Just before all that...” he waved his hand in vague gesture, “shit happened to you, I was in the hospital with a ruptured appendix. The doctors tell me it was touch and go for awhile. I almost died.”

Steve’s eyes went wide. “Holy shit. Oh my god. That’s horrible.”

Around them the class had filled up and Joyce was moving to the center of the room. The class was about to start.

Eddie looked around. “Look, can we talk after class?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, man. I’d like that. A lot.”

Eddie smiled, sweet, but small. “I’ll see you then.”

Steve smiled back and went to sit down. Today they were starting full nudity before the final. Get them used to the naked form.

Steve blushed a deep red when Eddie stepped out from behind the partition who used to get undressed and Eddie raised a cocky eyebrow.

This was going to be a long three hours.

Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Epilogue

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