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dukethomas · 4 years

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Summary: Duke is a disaster bi ace. Somehow, his disastrous nature doesn’t extend to his love life. Much.

Written for Duke Week 2020 (hosted by @duketectivecomics) Day Two, and the theme is Gotham Pride! Also, I’m not ace (I consulted some friends and had sensitivity readers check over it, however, shoutout to all of you) so if I messed anything up, please lmk!

Duke leans into Izzy’s lips, and Izzy presses back. He closes his eyes, expecting to feel something, anything, that spark he keeps reading about or the soft, silky touch that made him want to keep going on forever—but he feels none of that.

Instead, he feels Izzy’s cracked and dry lips—Riko always offers her spare chapstick or lip balm, but Izzy refuses. Duke gladly takes them in his girlfriend’s stead. He’s got a collection going. And he tries to be into it, he tries to focus on the physical sensation, but...

It's boring more than anything else, is all he has to say. He's certain Izzy enjoys it, and he remembers learning about how lip nerves are more sensitive, which is why kissing is enjoyable, but he doesn't get any of that. Just... none.

Huh.

When they pull away, Izzy’s eyes are twinkling and she’s grinning. She glows, a happy afterglow that always seems to come with a little buzz.

“How was that for your first kiss?” she teases gently. “Did it help you figure anything out?”

Duke shrugs. “Yeah,” he responds. “Kissing is weird.”

“Well,” Izzy allows, still grinning but a touch softer now, “it’s not for everyone. We can just hold hands from now on if you’d like.”

And that, that kind of touch, that sends thrills up Duke’s arm and gives him a happy buzz.

“I’d like that,” he tells her earnestly. He then holds out chapstick, cherry-flavored. “You need this more than I do.”

Izzy swats him.

He and Izzy break up amiably. They work better as friends, anyways—friends who will take every opportunity to flirt with each other, but just friends nonetheless.

But Duke’s a bleeding heart, as Izzy calls him, and he’s swept away again by another person. Jackson Hyde. The latest Aqualad, who he meets when Aquaman’s meeting with Bruce on official hero business. Anytime they talk, Duke falls back to (good!) cheesy puns and otherwise snarky comments, but he can’t fight the grin on his face.

Robina: dude shoot ur shot!!

signal boost: izzy b lease I can’t do this he’s just. he’s???

Robina: d u k e

signal boost: i z z y

signal boost: ask out riko first and then come talk to me

Robina: …

signal boost: aha! so I was right

signal boost: ...jfc we’re both disaster bis

signal boost: deal still stands. I’ll ask aqualad out if you ask riko out

Robina: uhhhh fuck u and also

Robina: i asked if she wanted to go out for coffee with me

Robina: [screenshot.png]

signal boost: well, fuck.

signal boost: hey aqualad [deleted]

signal boost: hey jackson [deleted]

signal boost: so about your biceps [deleted]

signal boost: hey!

tide pod: hi!

signal boost: so you know how you’re really charming? and funny and chill? and absolutely badass?

tide pod: ...yeah?

signal boost: uh

signal boost: fuck, confidence is Wack

tide pod: you’re really cool though?

tide pod: idk man you do the day thing and you’re a bat and it’s really inspiring

tide pod: you should believe in yourself more

signal boost: you have no idea how you just made this so much harder for me

tide pod: how about you just……. do it

signal boost: hmmmmmm

signal boost: hmmmmmmmmmmm

tide pod: duke

signal boost: perhaps i WILL do it

signal boost: so jackson, do you want to go out with me? like as a date? like romantically?

tide pod: oh man i get why you were nervous now,

signal boost: please respond to it even if only to reject me

tide pod: hey what if i said i also thought you were cute and funny and hella charming

tide pod: and that i would love to go out with you?

signal boost: OH THANK FUCK

Duke floats on clouds on the day he and Jackson agree to meet up for a coffee date. He cuts his patrol short and rides his motorcycle at full speed towards the Batcave.

As Duke walks into the Batcave, the chair (Batchair) turns around, with all the slow, dramatic flair of an evil villain. Instead, Bruce sits on the other end, cowl down, apparently working on something.

“Signal,” he says with his low rumble. “You were scheduled to patrol until five in the afternoon. If you wished to alter the schedule you set, you should have.”

Oh. Right. To be fair, Duke only remembers to set his own schedule for the month because he has calendar alarms set up. It’s much, much easier to just go out and come back whenever you want.

He shrugs. “Can’t I just end patrol because I feel like it?” He glances back, at the zeta tube that would take him to San Francisco. He inches towards it. “I have, uh… homework I need to be getting to.”

“You’re not going towards the stairs. Just the opposite, actually.”

“Okay, okay, fine.” Duke throws his hands in the air. “You caught me. I’m going to meet up with someone. As a date,” he blurts, because Izzy and Riko are ninety percent of his impulse control, and Izzy encouraged him into this situation. Riko is… presumably being her kickass lesbian self with Izzy right now.

Bruce’s eyes only arch a little bit. “With who?”

How the Wayne kids of ages past could look in this man’s eyes and lie, Duke will never know. (Yes, he does know, he’s done it several times before.) “Jackson Hyde,” he says quickly. “You know. Aqualad?”

Belatedly, he realizes this is kind of like his coming out to Bruce. He’s sure Bruce won’t mind, Dick had flings with Wally in the past, Jason is… complicated but safe to say he isn’t cishet, Cass is currently dating Harper, Tim had things with both Kon and Steph, and honestly he’s not sure about Damian but those examples should all be enough, right?

Bruce only hums in that noncommittal way. “There are worse young heroes to be dating. Remember to lock your bedroom door.”

Duke’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, then his face scrunches up in understanding. “No,” he groans. “Please, the last thing I want to do is think about… that. It’s only our first date! I’m ace!”

“Oh,” Bruce replies, nodding, probably mentally filing it away. “Understandable. I won’t make those remarks again if you’re uncomfortable.”

A smile breaks out on Duke’s face, and the warm fluffy feeling of acceptance grows in his chest. “Thanks. But I gotta go…?”

“By all means,” says Bruce, gesturing towards the zeta tube. “Don’t let me keep you. Have fun, sunshine.”

Duke takes this as permission to dash to the zeta tube, rapidly inputting his destination and letting his molecules disappear into the air as he is teleported. “Thanks, Bruce!”

Time to hopefully not make an utter fool of himself. At least he’s got an… ace up his sleeve. (Ace bi his sleeve? As in “by his sleeve” but bi? It loses the instant recognition of the phrase, but maybe…)

Also read and comment on AO3!

#duke thomas #dukeweek2020 #isabella ortiz #izzy ortiz #jackson hyde #aqualad #bruce wayne #batman #okay LISTEN bruce would absolutely call duke sunshine because it's the cutest nickname you can't change my mind #i'm a little late but shhhh #crys writes

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ashleybenlove · 5 years

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Title: Poison Tears

Prompt: No prompt.

Fandom: How To Train Your Dragon

Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid/Fishlegs/Snotlout/Ruffnut/Tuffnut (polyamorous gang)

Word Count: 3623

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Biphobia, homophobia, polyphobia/anti-poly sentiments, abuse mention, abusive parent, murder, character death, mentions of misogyny, implied sexual content, references to sex.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the source material in this fanfic. That’s to whatever company or person owns it. I would never claim to own it.

Notes: There are probable influences from fandom and whatnot in this story. There’s a sentence from Brooklyn Nine-Nine (“Well, I’m happy this went terribly.”) in this fic. There’s also a line that I wrote with this post in mind. While rewatching Race to the Edge’s Have Dragon Will Travel, the fact that Razorwhips have poison tears got me thinking about poisoning Spitelout, because Spitelout is an abusive asshole. Shoutout to afterandalasia, who in our long talks about the show, once commented to me how Snotlout will never be able to get away from Spitelout unless Spitelout dies, and @howtodrawyourdragon who workshopped this fic with me. Takes place after Race to the Edge. This is also on AO3.

And it is under the read more.

“What do you need Windshear’s tears for?” Heather asked, having discreetly met Hiccup on Dragon’s Edge.

It was a good meeting spot, given that no one aside from dragons lived here anymore.

She handed him a small vial.

“Reasons,” Hiccup said, darkly. “Thank you. Give Dagur and Mala my love.”

Hiccup wanted to kill Spitelout. But he had not wanted to kill him with dragon fire because he knew that would trace back to him somehow, and he wouldn’t want any dragon to be blamed for any deaths. While Astrid would almost certainly kill Spitelout if asked, he wanted a method of death that was not readily apparent. No one would know. No one would be blamed.

Atali had once told him that Razorwhip tears don’t kill immediately and it never traces back to the tears, simply making it seem like Spitelout died of something else, like a heart attack.

It’d be easy to get rid of Spitelout.

He heard Viggo’s voice in his head, “Hiccup, you're more ruthless than you realize.”

He figured that this was the kind of thing Viggo meant.

And Spitelout was someone who repeatedly abused Snotlout, one of his Riders. For years. And Hiccup was frankly tired of knowing that it happened and not being able to do something substantial to stop it. So, he had to die.

Yes, perhaps the man had been helpful with studying the Singetails and even the battle at Berserker Island, but that did not cancel out the bad. He remembered how frightened and upset Snotlout had been when they were late for the cancelled Hofferson-Jorgenson wedding. How a mere conversation Snotlout had with his father at Storehouse Island, had wrecked him and made him feel useless, caused him to act in ways that could have killed him. The way Spitelout made his son feel was reprehensible.

And he certainly remembered some of Spitelout’s recent behavior towards Snotlout (and to some degree, the gang) and how it made Snotlout feel.

After their return to Berk, the gang was open about the relationship that they had begun on Dragon’s Edge, intent on continuing it on Berk. As such they did engage in some public displays of affection with each other (nothing more than hugs and kisses, as appropriate for public), and normally, most people kept their comments to their themselves about this.

Most people.

But not Spitelout.

Spitelout had seen Snotlout give kisses to everyone in the gang on a lovely day while they were in the Great Hall, and had to say something. Loudly. Had to declare his displeasure that his son was kissing the young men that were his partners. Even declare it indecent, unnatural.

The way that man put his hand on Snotlout’s shoulder had been much too rough.

And just like that Storehouse Island incident, it was apparent how much this incident upset Snotlout. In the days afterwards, the public displays of affection with Snotlout had dwindled down to just Ruffnut and Astrid. Snotlout had rebuffed attempts at chaste kisses from Hiccup, Fishlegs, and Tuffnut. He even visibly seemed uncomfortable with the affection the other three men expressed in public with each other, when usually quite happy to watch.

Soon afterwards, the six sat down to privately talk about it, and Snotlout had cried.

Snotlout did not deserve to feel that way because of his father. Hiccup knew this already. But he came out of that talk knowing that Spitelout deserved to die. He was not letting Spitelout get in the way of Snotlout’s happiness.

“How’s Smidvarg and the Gang?” Tuffnut asked, when Hiccup and Toothless landed. “Hey, T,” Tuffnut added. He gave Toothless a pat on the head, who purred happily at the affection.

When Hiccup dismounted Toothless, Tuffnut kissed Hiccup softly on the lips. Hiccup kissed him back, happily.

Hiccup had told the gang he’d be heading to the Edge just to visit with the Night Terrors, which yes, was partially true. Nothing about getting poison dragon tears from Heather, which was hiddenly safely in his saddlebag.

“Oh, they’re doing wonderfully. They were happy to see me. Smidvarg yelled in my ear,” Hiccup said. He then stuck his finger in his ear briefly.

“Well, we’re glad you’re back, we missed you,” Tuffnut said. He patted Hiccup’s butt. “Now, go on. Go kiss the rest of your partners.”

“Sounds good to me!” Hiccup said.

Hiccup absolutely did that.

Hiccup did not use the vial right away. He felt if he did it right away, it would be suspect because he had been gone for a few days.

But every time Spitelout so much as touched Snotlout even slightly roughly or even looked at him in a way Hiccup didn’t like, his fingers itched. He had spent too long watching that man abuse his son.

Within a fortnight, he decided… it was time for Spitelout to die.

He had a plan that had already been put into motion.

While he usually had dinner with the gang in the Great Hall (they got used to eating meals together, having lived together on the Edge), his plan was to have a drink and a meal with Spitelout. Maybe in the Great Hall, maybe alone. The setting was to be decided.

Though he realized, that yes, this might be suspicious because he had an established routine of having dinner with his partners. However, perhaps one could assume that given that it was obvious he had plans to marry the other Riders someday, he was making sure the Riders’ parents were aware of his intentions. That was the pretense for this meal with Spitelout. To inform him that he planned on marrying his son. He planned on speaking with Snotlout’s mother at a much later date after Spitelout’s death in which he would inform her that he planned on marrying her son. He had considered speaking with her before Spitelout, but figured Spitelout would take offense that he had not been consulted first as the man or some other misogynistic nonsense.

He made sure that he was seen having a meal with at least one parent of the rest of the Riders prior to this meeting with Spitelout.

He had a meal with Fishlegs’ mother in the Great Hall, shortly after his return, making his intentions known to her that he planned to marry her son and that he loved Fishlegs quite dearly and ardently. She cried, he cried, they both cried. Fishlegs cried from afar. They made quite the fuss in the Great Hall. He was quite fond of Mrs. Ingerman. She was a lovely woman, mother, and grandmother. And he loved her crab cake recipe.

He had heard rumors that members of the Jorgensons were going to be bludgeoning their own heads for funsies (not his word, Tuffnut’s) later that day, so… hmm. Spitelout could go bludgeon his own head and then… fall asleep and never wake up. They could just blame it on the head trauma.

So.

He found Spitelout in the village about midday and approached.

“Spitelout,” Hiccup said. “I’d like you to have dinner with me in my house.”

“Boyo!” Spitelout exclaimed. “Will your father be there?”

“No, he’ll be having dinner in the Great Hall,” Hiccup said.

“What’s the occasion, boyo?” Spitelout asked.

“Just have dinner with me, please. I’d like to talk about your wonderful son with you,” Hiccup said.

Spitelout let out a noise that sounded like a scoff when Hiccup described Snotlout as “wonderful” and Hiccup took a deep breath, not wanting to immediately strike him down, or say “Toothless, plasma blast!” without thinking about it.

“Alright, boyo, I’ll see you in a few hours,” Spitelout said.

“A few hours,” Hiccup repeated.

Yak stew, bread, mead for Spitelout, and water for Hiccup. The food was all set out and ready when Spitelout arrived, Hiccup’s water was already waiting. Hiccup asked Spitelout whether he would prefer water or mead, and when he got Spitelout’s choice, Hiccup poured the mead and after that, poured the vial’s contents into the cup, all while Spitelout was sitting with his back to their kitchen. He was patting Toothless. A good distraction from a good bud.

He handed Spitelout the cup.

“Aye, boyo, what’s this about?” Spitelout asked as he tore into his bread.

Hiccup took a deep breath. This speech was essentially similar for all the parents he planned to speak with but tailored to each Rider.

“Well, Spitelout, as you know, Snotlout has been a valuable member of my team for many years. My team would not be the same without him. He is protective and loyal and has grown into a sensitive, caring man. And over the course of those years, my affection for him has grown exponentially. I love him, ardently and plan to someday make him my spouse along with the rest of my team, and while I am not speaking on behalf of the other four Riders, but I know they plan the same. And I wanted you aware of my intentions for your son,” Hiccup told him. There was one bit unsaid: “Whether you approve or not.”

Hiccup ate a spoonful of stew and waited.

“Hard to believe my son found someone to love him. Much less five,” Spitelout said, and he took a sip of his mead.

Hiccup took a deep breath. At least Spitelout would be dead soon. But… hearing someone say that, of their own son… that hurt Hiccup deeply. It felt like a gut punch. And he had been punched in the gut before.

He chose to eat his stew in silence. He heard Toothless make a soft noise… that was a growl, yep.

“Disappointing he ended up into being buggered, though,” Spitelout said. “And that the future chief, by wanting to marry three men, is as well.”

Oh, Toothless’ growl was a little louder this time.

Hiccup took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry that you find love disappointing,” Hiccup said, evenly. He ate some more stew and some bread as well.

Spitelout drank some more mead.

“I suppose you’re the reason why my son is in this phase of being interested in men and women, at the same time. Cheating on all his partners, who are all cheating on him,” Spitelout said.

Toothless growled again.

Hiccup took a deep breath.

“You misunderstand what polyamory is. We all love each other; we all know about each other’s individual partnerships. Snotlout is not cheating on anybody, nor is anybody in the Riders. And being attracted to multiple genders is not a phase and I didn’t cause that. It was a facet of himself that he figured out,” Hiccup said.

Spitelout scowled, then shrugged, and continued to eat and drink, as did Hiccup.

Hiccup knew this conversation would not go well, and had not expected it to.

But it was a way to get Spitelout alone, so he would end up drinking poison. And Spitelout had, so at least that part of the plan had gone well.

“So, if I were to go out and fuck some woman that isn’t my wife, would that be okay?” Spitelout asked, after a few long moments of silence.

“No!” Hiccup said, aghast. “Not if you didn’t talk to your wife about that beforehand! Don’t cheat on your wife!”

He couldn’t believe he had to tell this man to not cheat on his wife.

Luckily, Spitelout had finished his stew as well as his bread. Hiccup watched Spitelout as he drank the last of the mug’s contents. Good.

Spitelout stood up, as if to leave.

“I’ll be going then, thanks for the meal, boyo,” Spitelout said.

“Well, I’m happy this went terribly,” Hiccup said.

Hiccup watched Spitelout walk out of his house and shut the door behind him.

One of Hiccup’s first actions after he and Toothless were alone was to grab the vial and the mug, and put the vial inside the mug. And he put the mug near the hearth.

“You know what to do, bud,” Hiccup said.

Toothless fire a small plasma blast that destroyed both the mug and the vial. No evidence.

They had plenty of mugs in their house.

“Good job, bud,” Hiccup said. He patted Toothless’s head. “Let’s go meet with the gang, eh? I want some kisses.”

Toothless licked Hiccup’s nose.

Well.

It was clear that was his target was his nose but he licked Hiccup’s general face area.

“Yes, thank you for that,” Hiccup said, flatly. “I’m sure that will make me very attractive to them.”

The next morning, Hiccup woke up to Tuffnut snuggled next to him, Tuffnut’s hand on his bare chest. Toothless was on his rock bed.

He heard his dad talking to Gobber. Hmm. His dads. That made him smile. He loved his dads. He loved Toothless. He loved Tuffnut.

“In his sleep?” he heard Stoick say.

“Seems like it,” Gobber replied.

Despite being curious to know what they were talking about (though he had a very good idea what it was), he did not move from his spot, as it would mean waking up Tuffnut.

“Is Snotlout here?” he heard Gobber ask.

“I don’t think so? I know Tuffnut went upstairs with Hiccup last night,” Stoick responded.

At that precise moment, Tuffnut said softly, “I heard my name so I’m awake.”

Hiccup looked over at him.

“My dads are talking,” Hiccup whispered. He then pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Tuff’s lips.

“So, you’re eavesdropping,” Tuffnut whispered.

“No, just curious,” Hiccup whispered.

“Still eavesdropping,” Tuffnut whispered.

Hiccup ignored this. Even if it was true. “Where’s my leg?” he asked.

Toothless chose that moment to place Hiccup’s prosthetic on Hiccup’s chest.

“Thanks, bud,” Hiccup said, as he quickly put his prosthetic on and got out of bed, patting Tuffnut’s hip. “Get dressed, Tuff.”

Hiccup handed Tuff’s pants to Tuff.

Hiccup made a show of putting his shirt on and yawning at the top of his stairs.

“What’re you talking about, dads?” Hiccup asked, sleepily. He walked down the stairs. Toothless was definitely following not far behind him.

“Who’s still upstairs?” Stoick asked.

“Me!” Tuffnut exclaimed. He jumped down from the loft, not using the stairs, letting out only a grunt.

“Tuffnut was the only one with me last night once I came back to the house,” Hiccup said. “I assume Snotlout, since I heard you mention him, either went to his parents’ house or went to one of the Riders’ homes.”

Snotlout had gotten in the habit of mostly staying with the gang since their return from the Edge. For obvious reasons.

“Well, Spitelout died in his sleep last night, and obviously, his son needs to be informed,” Stoick said.

Hiccup nodded seriously.

Obviously, he knew that there would be fallout after Spitelout died, and therefore planned for it. He, of course, would be there to comfort Snotlout, with the rest of his and Snotlout’s partners.

“Whoa, Spitelout kicked the bucket?” Tuffnut said.

“Would you like me to collect Snotlout so you can give the news?” Hiccup asked his father.

“Yes, of course,” Stoick told him.

Hiccup grabbed Tuffnut’s hand, and said, “Come on.”

As Ruffnut and Astrid were standing at the steps of the Great Hall clearly waiting for them, that answered Hiccup’s question that Snotlout probably stayed with Fishlegs overnight. The ladies were holding hands.

“There’s a rumor going around that Spitelout died overnight?” Astrid asked. She let out a yawn before she said this.

“It’s true,” Hiccup said. “My dad wants me to get Snotlout so he can give him the news, given that Snotlout wasn’t at the Jorgenson’s. I assume he’s with Fishlegs?”

“Yeah, they left before we did,” Ruffnut said.

“Let’s go get ‘em and bring ‘em to my house so Stoick can give him the news privately,” Hiccup said. “And he has our support and comfort.”

They had all done such a beautiful job when his own father had been unwell after the ambush by the Flyers. They were so comforting, and they stayed by his side. He would never forget their loyalty.

And he intended to reciprocate that loyalty to Snotlout. This was about his love for Snotlout. Not about Spitelout.

He did not feel guilt for Spitelout’s death. The man deserved to die for abusing Snotlout.

The four of them went to Fishlegs’ home, retrieved Snotlout and Fishlegs, and headed back to Hiccup’s house. Hiccup held Snotlout’s hand the entire way back.

When they returned to Hiccup’s house, everyone sat near Snotlout, five different hands held onto his two.

Snotlout sat in between Fishlegs and Hiccup. Stoick and Gobber sat across from them.

“What’s going on?” Snotlout asked. “Why are we meeting with the Chief and Gobber? It’s a little early in the day to be having ‘I want to marry your kid’ dinners. And I figured we would all tell Hiccup’s dads one at a time.”

Stoick cleared his throat.

“That’s not why we’ve asked you here, Snotlout,” Stoick said, breezing past Snotlout’s comments. It was not appropriate to talk about at the moment. On another day.

With Snotlout’s hands both occupied, Stoick reached out and touched Snotlout’s arm about midway to his elbow.

“It is my sad duty to inform you, Snotlout Jorgenson, that your father, Spitelout Jorgenson, died overnight in his sleep,” Stoick said.

Snotlout gasped.

“W-what?” Snotlout asked. “He’s only forty-six. How could he die?”

Stoick sighed gently.

“Lad, we know that he bludgeoned his own head for fun yesterday evening. It’s possible that accidentally killed him,” Stoick said. “I’m so sorry. He was a great warrior.”

Hiccup could agree with that. Spitelout was a great warrior.

At least Stoick didn’t say some nonsense about how Spitelout was a great person or a great father. That would be lies. Spitelout was neither of those things. An abuser is not a great person or a great father.

“Oh, Snotlout, I’m so sorry,” Fishlegs said softly.

“We’re here for you,” Hiccup whispered. Hiccup squeezed Snotlout’s hand.

Astrid and the twins, who were seated on the floor, echoed those sentiments, also squeezing his hands.

Snotlout sniffled. He then sighed and chuckled awkwardly.

“He would have disapproved of me crying,” Snotlout said. “Would have called it weak. But it’s all I want to do.”

“You’re allowed to cry, Snotlout,” Astrid said, softly.

They had allowed him to cry freely many times including that private meeting that lead to this moment. It was not necessary for Hiccup or any of the other Riders to second Astrid’s sentiments.

“Aye, let it out, lad,” Stoick said. “Crying is not weak.”

Snotlout nodded tearfully.

And from there, the tears fell.

And perhaps, Spitelout may have disapproved of Snotlout crying, but the people sitting with him, certainly did not, even if all they could say of the deceased was that he was a great warrior.

Snotlout had once said he did not have a heart, because he was not a girl, but that was almost certainly toxic nonsense Spitelout had taught him. Snotlout did have a heart; it had allowed him to love a dragon and bond with him deeply and profoundly and had allowed him to fall in love with five of his closest friends.

They sat with him, their hands on him, a constant reminder that they were here with him and not planning on leaving him alone.

When Snotlout had finished crying, he asked, “Where’s my mother?”

“With members of the Jorgensons,” Gobber said.

Snotlout nodded.

“I should probably go be with my mom,” Snotlout said. He sniffled.

“We’ll go with you,” Hiccup said, quickly.

Hiccup squeezed Snotlout’s hand.

“We’re your family,” Fishlegs added.

Hiccup, Astrid, and the twins indicated their agreement on this point.

“Aye, if the Jorgensons need anything, do not hesitate to ask,” Stoick spoke up.

Snotlout nodded, sniffling.

So, the gang stayed with Snotlout during that day at the Jorgenson house. Fishlegs cooked in the kitchen so that Snotlout’s mother could sit with her son while various Jorgensons talked about Spitelout. The gang stayed close to Snotlout and his mother. Stoick even came by as part of his chiefly duties. Hiccup, realizing, that this was part of the duties that would one day (hopefully, a long time away) be his, paid attention to the way his father handled those duties.

Hiccup resisted the urge to go into the room where the family had placed Spitelout’s corpse and go say something to the man’s corpse.

But then Stoick called Hiccup’s name and gestured for him to come over to him. Hiccup took a deep breath.

“Stay with Snotlout,” he told the gang, as he got up.

“Yes?” Hiccup said, softly, upon reaching his father.

“One of the duties as Chief includes visiting with the deceased member of the tribe,” Stoick said, as the two walked towards a room.

“Oh,” Hiccup said.

Well. Hiccup supposed making sure Spitelout was actually dead would be a good idea.

They soon stood in front of Spitelout’s corpse. The poison tears did their work. It was not apparent how the man died. Maybe his heart gave out, maybe blunt force trauma. His body was still. A relief. He would never again lay a hand on Snotlout or say something ugly to him.

His father said some funeral-type words to the body. Hiccup didn’t quite pay attention to the words. He knew the funerary prayers of his tribe by heart. It was probably one of them.

“Would you like to say something to Spitelout?” Stoick asked him, softly.

“Uh,” Hiccup said. He took a deep breath.

“Your son is safe with me,” Hiccup said. In his head, he was thinking, “And safe from you. You can’t hurt Snotlout anymore.”

And when Hiccup stood by Berk’s shores as they watched Spitelout’s funeral ship burn him to ashes, he thought the same thing.

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phalloplastyaustralia · 5 years

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8.5 weeks post op

Check up today with Gooseman at 8.5 weeks post-op RFF phalloplasty. He was super impressed with how my arm is healing. Everything else is healing well for the most part, besides a few little things. The scar on the underside of my penis has been pretty tight, particularly towards the base. I’ve been aware of this for weeks and have been massaging it with vitamin e and using silicone gel on it, which he wants me to continue doing. He said that the scar around the actual base of my penis is tight as well, which I truly hadn’t given much thought to and assumed it was normal, but that’s because I only have my only experience to base it off, where as he has everyone elses to compare to. He said that the tightness is causing it all to ‘sit a bit high’, which I assume was in reference to my junk that still sits below my penis, including my existing penis. This means that when he pulls my penis up and towards my abdomen, it pulls a lot on my existing penis. This is uncomfortable, BUT it works in my favour when it comes to wanking - I can basically tug gently on my penis and it’s enough to achieve orgasm. At present I will usually alternate between this and stimulating my existing dick, but I do believe I could achieve orgasm by tugging only on my dick, but I’ve still been a bit too anxious to do this, purely due to not wanting to compromise any of the healing process/long-term aesthetic outcome.

My primary concern has been about narrowing at the base, which has consumed a lot of my time the last few weeks. It’s certainly not overly noticeable or significant, but when you’ve forked out as much as I have on a penis, you’ll nitpick the tiniest things. Goossen thinks that the tightening of the incision could be contributing to this, but did acknowledge that I am “less full” and “a bit flatter” at the base, but he’s not concerned about it. Classic. He said that once everything is sitting properly (with implants), as well as when erect, it won’t be an issue. He also mentioned something about the tightness at the base contributing to this? But I don’t remember the specifics.

He appeared very impressed with where my sensation is at. I had convinced myself that I read somewhere that left donor would result in more sensitivity on the right side, and vice versa. Then I was told that the hook up is done on the left and that I would likely experience more sensation on the left. I asked him about this today (whether the hook up was down on the left) and he didn’t confirm/deny this and explained how they try to hook as many nerves up, etc. and basically that there’s no rule of thumb for where you will or won’t experience certain sensations. He said that typically people will experience one side with more erotic than the other and more tactile on another side.

At present, I have extremely strong sensation on the right hand side, slightly less strong sensation down the left, about 1.5-2inches along the incision on the underside up from the base at a lesser intensity, and then fairly dull (by dull, I mean I need to apply significantly more pressure to feel the sensation and it’s not as intense) along the top of my penis until about half an inch of so from the tip, where I feel nothing. Along the right side, all I have to do is run my finger very lightly down the shaft to feel this. Along the left snd on the underside I have to apply slightly more pressure. On the top, I’ve experienced the sensation for a few weeks if I flick it, but within the last week I am starting to feel it more if I rub my finger rapidly on it with a little nit of pressure. This is all displaced sensation, which I feel in my existing penis. At present it’s not a pleasant, good, sexy time feeling, but will be once it settles. Currently it feels like someone is stabbing a pin into the head of my existing penis (which iis great if that’s your thing, but I find it unpleasant. However I always do it, as it’s nice being able to make that connection between my penis and my brain and feeling it as something that exists as a part of my body). At present, I have no tactile sensation. However due to the intensity of the sensation I do have, I am very aware if something hits my penis.

At this stage, I’m booked for February 6th 2020 for stage 2. I had the option of November 21st, but with how close it is to Christmas and the closure period for Goossen and his staff, I chose to push it back. If I were to experience and issues with the hookup, I would go home with an SPC over Christmas until he returns. And as ridiculous as it might sound to some, I really wanna be able to swim over the summer. This also gives me some additional time to recover from stage 1 and for any issues with the scar tightness to settle as much as possible. As well as get back in shape after my stage 1 sedentary life and subsequent weight gain, and save a bit of extra money. As much as I want stage 2 as soon as possible, I think that this is the most sensible thing to do for numerous reasons. I figure that I’ve waited this long, I’m sure I can wait an extra 2 months.

I’m back up to see him again at the end of September to check on everything again, and I presume I’ll head back up again early 2020 to check everything before we go ahead with stage 2.

I am also allowed to run now, provided that everything is “packed firmly” and “well supported”.

I have a little ‘bobble’ sorta thing at the end of one of the incisions on my butt, which has been rather tender and painful. Goossen said it could be a stitch or scar tissue, and if it doesn’t resolve itself by the time I have stage 2, he will revise it. Butt is still tender when seated for long periods and/or bad seating. Still some tightness in the backs of my legs, but nothing that is too bothersome.

My arm is hopefully on the homestretch. I’m still dressing it with MepitelOne, and will continue to do so until I’m fully healed and can switch to silicone sheets. The few little problem areas look like they have improved since Thursday when the dressings were last changed. Fingers crossed that when I go back to the hand therapist next week, I’ll either be healed enough to go dressing free, or very close to it. I try to touch it quite regularly over the top of the dressings (rubbing, patting, scratching, etc. to adjust to the sensation).

As a bit of a related sidebar, I kinda wanted to touch on the arm and the scarring, etc. The significance of the arm graft was something that I had a really hard time swallowing when I first looked at RFF a good decade or so ago. Despite being a weird body part to like, my forearms are probably the only part of my body I do like, and the thought of altering one of them so drastically always terrified me. Because most of the information about RFF has typically been out of the states, I had no idea that the donor site would be replaced with a full thickness from the butt until my consult (why the states haven’t caught up yet is beyond me, truly). Despite already having made the decision to have RFF, this was a game changer for me. And honestly, if I didn’t have tattoos that were compromised when the flap was lifted that make it very obvious that my arm has undergone a major surgical procedure, I don’t think the end result would bother me much at all. It sits SO FLUSH that once my wrist swelling goes down, it will be totally seamless. I know that the conspicuous scarring is a huge deterrent for a lot of people, and I very much understand that, but I think it’s important that people understand that what you see online from guys in the states is NOT what your arm will look like if you have surgery with Goossen. I’m not here to shame or make comments about peoples choices to pursue ALT, abdominal, meta or any other alternative procedure, but I think it’s important that people aren’t scared off by misinformation. This is not to say that guys who have had RFF in the states have lesser or subpar results as due to the use of the split thickness.

TLDR; healing well, few super minor relatively non-issue things that will hopefully sort themselves out, arm looks great, sensation is great, Dr Goossen is the love of my life, shoutout to the under appreciated but equally amazing and skilled Dr Ingram, life with a (bigger) penis is wild and worth every cent, stage 2 booked for Feb 6th 2020, don’t take everything you see on the internet as bible. Gravy.

#australia #phalloplasty #brisbane #dr goossen #ftm #lower surgery #forearm phalloplasty #dr hans goossen #bottom surgery #trans #phallo

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visionandperception · 7 years

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Unfolding of the cold reason (Eurus) in Sherlock

Introduction

Okay, so first of all, EMP is the line here, thanks to everyone who years before S4 aired saw and observed (nowadays, I think EMP is the only solution, and then we can get if you want “dream within a dream”, etc.)

Okay, so I started this meta as a reply to “Look at me. Look and play.”, and here it goes a special shoutout to @justshadethings ! Extremely interesting and worth a reading, I highly indicate this meta, which inspired me. I don’t have much to add, but the analysis approached:

Irene’s theme played as Sherlock’s Heart

Bach played as Sherlock’s Brain (pure logical, a proper machine)

Eurus is Sherlock’s Brain in the “reason and logical, emotionless”

From that, I decided to talk about the personifications Eurus assumed along S4. If someone has already done this, sorry, and I really don’t want to be repetitive.

So, let’s go? We had in Season Four...

Lady in Red, also known as Faith. (x)

(x)

“E.”, according with the credits, Elizabeth, and there we have William’s parallel!

Eurus is a part of Sherlock, of William Sherlock Scott Holmes. Therefore, naming one facade of his cold and emotionless brain, Elizabeth when disguised inside his mind is more than reasonable:

[William] Sherlock (different name) Scott (common name) Holmes,

Eurus (different name) Elizabeth (common name) Holmes.

Coincidences? I wouldn’t believe so.

The Therapist. John’s therapist, actually.

And finally Samara ops, Eurus Holmes, “third Holmes sibling”, or as we are going to refer here, Sherlock’s side which is “emotionless brain, cold machine”, in all her grace.

By the way, Death Waits For Us All In Samarra and Eurus being quite relatable (at least physically, as I have never seen The Ring) to Samara is enough to a long meta, don’t you think? But I guess there are many by now.

We saw all of those multiple characters, Eurus, Therapist, Faith (lady in red), E. (lady in the bus). Now, let’s analyse them as parts of Sherlock.

I’m going backwards, alright?

Eurus is his emotionless side, and with The Final Problem he finally understands why he’s better when having her as just a part of him,because sentiment does count. As so many people have already analysed her as Sherlock’s brain, and successfully made amazing points, I’m not going into this topic, not specifically, but from the point that she’s Sherlock’s brain, and once Faith, E. and Therapist are all Eurus’s disguises, they are all from a same “family”, sides of Eurus, that are going to eventually touch his heart, emotions, not always intentionally or purely.

The Therapist (TT)

About Eurus as The Therapist, I’m not 100% sure when concerning her meaning inside Sherlock. After all, she’s the pure brain, the machine dressed in a disguise.

I’m not a therapist, but here’s a short description:

Psychotherapy -- also called talk therapy, therapy, or counseling -- is a process focused on helping you heal and learn more constructive ways to deal with the problems or issues within your life. It can also be a supportive process when going through a difficult period or under increased stress, such as starting a new career or going through a divorce.

Generally psychotherapy is recommended whenever a person is grappling with a life, relationship or work issue or a specific mental health concern, and these issues are causing the individual a great deal of pain or upset for longer than a few days. There are exceptions to this general rule, but for the most part, there is no harm in going into therapy even if you're not entirely certain you would benefit from it. (x)

Psychotherapy is a collaborative treatment based on the relationship between an individual and a psychologist. Grounded in dialogue, it provides a supportive environment that allows you to talk openly with someone who’s objective, neutral and nonjudgmental. You and your psychologist will work together to identify and change the thought and behavior patterns that are keeping you from feeling your best. (x)

So, what can we conclude?

As John’s therapist, “Eurus” listen to people (John, and I know there is a relation between John and people, but I’ve read those metas a long time ago, so the information that justified the relation was archived). John, and people, are talking specially about feelings, emotions, and she’s supposed to try to help her patients.

Eurus as a therapist is more than Sherlock making a supposition inside his head about what John’d do if Mary died violently to save his (Sherlock’s) life. Actually, going along with this thought, this is the pure brain that relays in calculation with the emotion mask. She’s Sherlock being more sensitive and human, listening and trying to help the others (and he’s been doing this, as a consulting detective! In many cases he forged emotion, and in others he’d to listen and help the clients/victims so the case would be solved, and he did it with tact.). However, she (Eurus, the pure reason and brain) doesn’t care, it’s all a plan, there’s an objective, for example, solve the case.

If you spend more than five minutes with Eurus, the emotionless machine, you get reprogrammed. (I don’t have screenshots, but this is what Mycroft says in The Final Problem). It’s interesting that then, inside his head, he considers that the Eurus inside him has an impact so deep and strong on people, even on himself, because sometimes he’s going to play a game between himself, emotion and reason and fail in noticing they can be harmonic.

Always remember that The Therapist is a ramification of Sherlock’s side which is pure reason, aka Eurus, a proper machine, but for some variable deals with emotion. Therapist-Eurus faces John’s suffering, confusion, and all of his emotional, broken heart, but is disable of helping wholeheartedly because she’s just a part of Sherlock. TT is the brain who has contact with emotion, but she isn’t there to help, but to use the information she can get, in the case, about John.

(x)

But Eurus, even with TT mask doesn’t understand emotion in the way she “gets what you’re saying because she’s already felt like that”, it’s cold and distant! The East Wind probably analyses emotion as an aside fact.

She’s the image Sherlock had tried wanted sell:

“I’m a high-functioning sociopath.” and within this journey he finally completely sees that he doesn’t want to be, and in fact isn’t, this person.

(this is from season 1, and sherock looks like a baby we shall protect, btw,)

Eurus!Therapist is his brain trying to process and deal with emotion, John’s feelings, but failing miserably because this isn’t about his mind, but his heart. There you get the dialogue that was so well analysed in the meta I quoted above. Play me/Play you. He first plays Bach, and I can’t go on about this, because it’s not my area, but from what I understood, it’s his brain, it’s Eurus, and I’m trying to make this less confusing but his own cold brain knows she’s not Sherlock, not all of him. He is, fatally I may add, guided by sentiment although he might reinforce the contrary, because usually feelings aren’t consider something clever.

However, being able to understand yourself, and consequently your feelings, is extremely important. You have to be strong to open your heart (and maintaining it closed isn’t a sing of weakness, of course). And one of the processes which transform Sherlock in a good man is, when dealing with all his own façades, sides, the acknowledgement of the value of feelings.

Sometimes she, the brain without a heart, manages to leave Sherrinford, obvious when she wants, and dresses the therapist mask, unsuccessfully trying to help John with feelings (among other topics, of course, I don’t want to neglect anyone’s line of work :) ), but usually this doesn’t work, because you need a heart to understand another heart.

“The man you are today is your memory of Eurus”.

Sherlock is somehow guided by sentiment, but he represses it all the time. Eurus is the cold machine, and this memory of how he can be just a brain, without a heart, affects him ‘till today. And it isn’t a nice memory. No, no, no, it’s so far from that.

Stop and see Sherrinford

And then locked in Sherrinford, a weird version of Azkaban is Eurus. I know not just me thought the beginning of the word Sherrinford didn’t make much sense as instantly you remind Sherlock. And this is because Sherrinford

About the name:

Sher (r) + in + ford

Sher is obviously a diminutive for Sherlock, maybe a nickname.

In (self-explaining)

Ford, here’s the meaning:

(Cambridge Dictionary)

Okay, so what the f*ck? Sherlock is in a river that’s not deep and can be crossed?

Well, river=water, and Sherrinford is located in the middle of the ocean, but more than that, Eurus, his heartless brain. So, I’m going to kick, because...

reason: not sure this makes sense, but wanted to talk about and hear everyone’s ideas!

This high-security prison (between quotation marks, we may agree :)) , is Sherlock. Sherlock is totally surrounded by water, that is, sentiment, feelings, and inside a little island is the part of him who is “brain without heart”, however...

1) He can cross this region of his mind (he’s a mix of feelings, reasoning), because it’s not to deep, He won’t drown, and there you have:

He CAN reach John.

2) This part of him, Eurus, the logical is in an island in an infinite ocean of feelings, that is, the only part of him that hasn’t drowned in his feelings.

3) Sher is locked in Sherrinford.

It’s different from Irene’s Sher-locked, because that was highly related to feelings. Eurus is the opposite, but again, Play you. And Sherlock plays from his heart, but Eurus isn’t programmed to read pure sentiment, so she think he’s has sex, but she can’t look beyond (again, this meta is wonderful).

Faith

Finally we got to Faith. I have to say nothing is clear to me, basically a big mess, but it’s worth a try. She’s a blatant John mirror, and one of Eurus’ masks. She’s totally fragile to Sherlock’s eyes, but it’s all pretending.

There are two angles I want to talk about here:

1) As John’s mirror, and people have explained this so perfectly I don’t dare to add much more, we see how Sherlock helped John that day 1. There is even a flashback, John with his walking stick, back in ASiPink!. It couldn’t be more obvious.

Sherlock: You’re suicidal, you’re allowed chips. It’s one of the only perks.

Wait, but who was eating chips in the dark a while ago?

This happened in S3, Sherlock was back from Serbia, torture and an uncountable time where the only thing that made him stay alive was one word “Ammo”. Telling, isn’t it? When he comes to London and finds the person behind the ammo getting engaged, and wanting him away from him. He says she is allowed chips because he knows what’s like to feel like that. We can guess we’re there in the airplane or even before, but if we’re in the airplane, don’t forget Sherlock has taken a dose capable of killing him because he’d rather die right there than have to fight in Eastern Europe for his life.

Oh. Wait.

Molly: He (John) would would rather have anyone but you. Anyone.

Inside his mind, do you remember the last scenes of TST? Again, John doesn’t want him close. Actually, things haven’t been worse since the rooftop. But now Sherlock isn’t eating chips in the dark “alone” in 221B.

Eurus is with him, but now she’s more of a memory. Blond, careless about her life, wondering around with a gun in her bag, just waiting ‘till a moment. His mind visits himself! The thing is that she’s also John, but at the same time she’s the degraded side of Sherlock, eating chips in the middle of the night, lonely. Faith is one more part of Sherlock, nobody’s made of just one thing!

(x)

Sherlock: I think she liked me.

Faith and Sherlock aren’t okay. And Sherlock and John weren’t okay when they first met. They spent a whole evening, and that was really fun, after all, John moved in after knowing the mysterious Sherlock Holmes for a couple of days, perhaps even less!

Faith is a projection of John, suicidal there in Barts, but she’s also Sherlock. Her presence is very important for his realization about how “(...) your life isn’t your own”. He’s still understanding how John felt when he jumped from that roof, in front of his eyes, and I think the river’s scene is the apex. There it finally happens and they see each other for the last time.

That’s his (all of Sherlock, Eurus + feelings +whatever we may add) contact with his mind processing the affect of his own fake suicide, John’s suicidal thoughts, finally, a topic which is disturbing him a lot.

Do you know how far John relationship with E. went? No? Well, so don’t I, but for this part this is not the most relevant thing.

I’m going to sum up in one short paragraph:

E. is the part of Sherlock which isn’t overwhelmed by feelings, E. is in the ford, there in Sherrinford, and “she” can flirt with John without greater regrets or pains. She’s the pretty lady in the bus who smiles and receives a smile back from that guy with a flower in his head, John. And he’s married, but you’re still flirting from time to time, because this is how your relationship works. Well, sometimes one of the part didn’t notice when the other intended to flirt.

Although Sherlock believes John’d go for it and smile back, the Angel Mary would haunt him. I don’t have the link because I read this meta more than one month ago, but Sherlock thinks John, with this modeled and inhuman image of his wife, would create a Mary!Ghost to cope with her loss, but more than that, she’d be his subconscious (but then we are going to The Lying Detective).

Oh, and here the Elizabeth = William parallel comes to end my analyse.

Okay, I don’t know who I should tag, so I’m going to tag some old fellows, and people who I suppose are exploring this subject, if you don’t want do be tagged, please tell me so I can remove you from here:

@thelostsmiles, @somedrunkpirate , @badsnowfo, @shawleyleres, @sherlock-overflow-error, @isitandwonder (hope I won’t bother tagging you :) ), @monikakrasnorada (you’re EMP, so...)

#meta #sherlock #analysis #water #eurus #E.#elizabeth #emp #sherrinford #john #the therapist #faith #season 4 #sherlock holmes #elizabeth=william #sherlock meta #mine

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sapienveneficus · 7 years

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Not Gone

I also wanted to re-post my “end of run” ramblings. It’s been a year, and this show still has a special place in my heart. It’s truly not gone.

For my last entry in this series, I thought I’d share a collection of some of my favorite Spring Awakening related memories from these past few months. This entry will be a bit more of a hodgepodge than the others so I wanted to apologize right up front if it seems disjointed. I suspect it will also be very long. You’ve been warned!

Best overall show experience:

Now, obviously, Closing Night has this award locked up. But there’s another night that I want to preserve and remember in this little online journal of mine. As far as incredible audiences go, it comes in at a very close second. Let me set the scene. On Thursday, December 10th, one of the Spring Awakening cast members tweeted that all fans should do their best to attend that next night’s (Friday, December 11th) ticket lottery. We were promised we would not regret it. He didn’t come out say that something special was happening, but he heavily implied it. He also shared a link to a Facebook post written by a guy named Jamie Grayson. The post was about how much he, Jamie, loved theater growing up, but that when he was younger he couldn’t really afford to go see the shows that he wanted to see, but now that he was older and had made a name for himself, he wanted to give back by giving fans the opportunity to see Spring Awakening. Then the post encouraged fans to attend Friday’s ticket lottery because he had “a few surprises in store for us” that night. So, naturally, I went. Unsurprisingly, I wasn’t the only one.

The ticket lottery that night was more crowded than I’d ever seen. (this was, of course, before closing night) Now I’m not a crowd size expert, but I’d say there were easily 300 people there. When the time had come to draw the winners’ names, the crowd had completely filled the sidewalk and had spilled out rather far into the street. At 6:30 on the dot, the lotto girl climbed up on her step ladder and started yelling instructions through her megaphone. She first went into her well rehearsed speech about how the Spring Awakening lottery was the first on Broadway to be done in both ASL and spoken English as the man next to her signed for the crowd. She then announced that this lottery was unlike any they’d had before. She explained that Jamie Grayson had loved the show so much that he wanted to make it possible for fans to see it, for free. So he’d bought out the entire lottery (all 28 tickets) plus 12 more for a grand total 40 tickets. The winners, she explained, wouldn’t be getting discounted tickets; instead they would get to see that night’s show for free. Well, with that announcement, the crowd went nuts. Who doesn’t love good news? After sharing this exciting development, she quickly began calling out names. When the last winner’s name was called, I hadn’t won, but I wasn’t feeling too bad because it had been a fun lottery experience. Besides, I knew I could just try again another day. But, then, the lottery girl told the crowd to stay put for a second. She got down from her ladder to consult with one of her colleagues. She then got back up and told us that the box office had just gotten a call from the show’s producer, Ken Davenport. Mr. Davenport had been so moved by what Mr. Grayson had done, that he had decided to release any available seats that night for the lotto price of $35. In short, the entire crowd had just won the ticket lottery. With this announcement, the crowd really went nuts. People were cheering, strangers were hugging, it was an incredible moment!

I won’t go into too much of what that show was like because I would just be repeating a lot of what I’ve already said about Closing Night. There were many similarities between the two. That night, just like Closing Night, the theater was full of incredibly enthusiastic fans. I sat next to a lovely group of students from Wagner College, Alex Boniello’s alma mater. They’d all been to see the show multiple times, and were thrilled to get to see it under such unique circumstances. The audience’s response to the show that night was a lot like Closing Night, the applause breaks were long and enthusiastic. I don’t want to go into all of that again, but there is one last moment I’d like to share. Just like during Closing Night, after the cast performed Totally Fucked, the crowd jumped to its feet to give them a standing ovation. Being in the 6th row of the orchestra, I had a pretty good view of the faces of each cast member. So I was able to see, as the standing ovation went on and on, as everyone in that audience had their hands raised in the air to applaud in ASL, I was able to see that one of the deaf actresses, Amelia Hensley, was crying. It struck me, in that moment, how amazing this must all be for the deaf members of this cast. To receive a standing ovation in their own language, from a Broadway audience, that must have been an incredible feeling. In an industry where they must receive one “no” after another, this moment, this moment was a resounding “yes!”

Best show companion

One of the great things about seeing this show multiple times has been meeting other fans. It’s great to have people you can team up with for the lotto (double the odds of winning) but it’s even better to have people you can text at 3am because you want to discuss tree symbolism, compare cues you’ve noticed, or share crazy stage door experiences you’ve had. Though I’ve met and seen the show with many great new friends, I think my favorite show companion has been my brother. I wanted to give him a special shoutout as I bring this series to a close because he has weathered my Spring Awakening obsession like a real trooper. He has seen the show with me not once, not twice, but three times. He’s also listened to me blather on about how much I love this number or that actor’s interpretation. He’s also been super cool whenever I’ve sent him behind the scenes videos that the cast has posted on Periscope, or Snapchat, or Instagram, or YouTube. In short, my brother has put up with a lot these past few months. I think I may have turned him into a Spring Awakening fan by sheer force of will. Well, that and he has excellent taste in music. So thank you, Jack, for putting up with my unique Spring Awakening brand of crazy. Now I just need to get you in to see Hamilton! J

Best show-related event

In addition to performing 8 shows a week, the cast of Spring Awakening has put on or taken part in a variety of activities in and around town to promote the show. They appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers, the performed at the White House, they hosted an Ovation Series panel discussion at The Strand, and they performed a concert at 54 Below. It’s this last even that I want to talk a bit about. For those who don’t know, 54 Below is a cabaret club in midtown Manhattan. It’s a great place to see Broadway performers try out new material while having a nice meal. On January 3rd the cast performed two evening shows and as the later one was cheaper, that’s the one I attended. It started at, wait for it, 11:30pm; on a Sunday night! Those who know me know that that is ridiculously late for me, but trust me when I say the show was worth it. Almost the entire cast performed a number, and the best part was that each performance was sung and also signed. Each hearing cast member teamed up with a deaf cast member to perform a song. Some chose Broadway songs, others chose pop songs, and several in the cast, who happen to be singer songwriters, chose to perform songs they’d written.

Here are my favorite numbers from the night (in no particular order):

1) Krysta Rodriguez and Ali Stroker singing Boom Clap by Charlie XCX with Josh Castille interpreting for them (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGazeWeeje8)

2) Sandra Mae Frank and Josh Castille signing along to I Think I Got You Beat from Shrek the Musical (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiWsixkxTLA)

3) Austin McKenzie singing and signing Valerie by Amy Winehouse (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MK8_AhZCB4)

4) Sean Grandillo singing Love Yourself by Justin Bieber with Ren interpreting (hilariously) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh6lSd5arpY)

5) The cast performing Song of Purple Summer (with Sean Grandillo hilariously trying and failing to sign along) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--UE0XLlfkk)

It should also be noted that Alex Wyse hosted the entire event and performed a number of his own. While his performance of Better Than I by John Bucchino was excellent, Alex’s best contribution to the event, in my opinion, was a joke he told at the top of the show. You need to understand that one of the running jokes in the Spring Awakening fandom was about cast member Andy Mientus and how much older he was than the rest of the cast. Now while this was not actually true, he’s in fact close in age to several members of the cast, it was something that he was a little sensitive about so that made it something the cast liked to tease him about. In a loving way, of course. So at the top of the show, Alex said, “You guys, I know you’re sad that Andy isn’t performing tonight. He really wanted to be here to sing for all of you. But they have strict rules about curfew at the nursing home.” Game, set, and match to Mr. Alex Wyse.

Notable Stagedoor experiences

I hate getting my playbill signed at the stagedoor. I like the end result, having a keepsake to help remember an incredible night of theater, but the actual process is the worst. Let me set the scene, you exit the theater after seeing a show, fight the crowds to secure yourself a spot near the stage door, spend several moments agonizing over what you should say if the Broadway star you’re wanting to see actually comes out to sign. Should you say anything at all or just hold your playbill in their face? No, that would be rude. You have to say something, but what? “You were incredible!” Duh! They know already know that! What about listing every single thing you love about their performance? No! That won’t work. First, you’ve only got about 10 seconds to say something if they stop and talk to you at all, and second, you don’t want to sound like a crazy person. So what about, “Thank you. That was a fantastic performance. I loved the show!” That sounds reasonable. Not too long, but not too short. Then you can hand them your playbill, smile, and it’s all over and done with. Only once you’ve simultaneously psyched yourself up to say something and calmed yourself down so you don’t say or do something idiotic, then suddenly find yourself face to face with the actor or actress whose talent you so admire, and all your best laid plans to come off as a mature, intelligent, and sane person go right out the window! So yeah, I had stagedoored a few shows before Spring Awakening, and while I was (and am) glad to have those signed playbills, I don’t exactly look back on those experiences fondly. (I made such an idiot of myself in front of Josh Gad)

I will say, that while stagedooring is still not a favorite activity of mine, it did get a bit easier for Spring Awakening. The first time I stagedoored was, I believe, the second time I saw the show. I wanted to have the entire cast sign my playbill so that I could have it has a keepsake. I practiced signing, “Thank you. You were wonderful,” before the cast came out so I felt pretty confident that I wouldn’t say or do anything embarrassing. I mostly succeeded. I didn’t say anything terribly interesting or profound, but I didn’t make a fool of myself either. The second time I stagedoored, it was Halloween. I decided to give it a go for two reasons. First, I wanted to ask a member of the cast a question, and second, I was curious to see what everyone would dress up as for Halloween. Well, the best costume went to Ali Stroker and Andy Mientus, hands down. Andy went as Elliot and Ali went as ET, I saw a picture of them at the party they attended right after, and he was pushing her around in a shopping cart instead of in her wheelchair. So that part was fun, but the question asking proved disastrous. You see, I was asking a question for a friend, and when the actor, after answering my question asked if I wanted to take a selfie, I couldn’t think of a way to say no that wouldn’t hurt his feelings so what resulted was the world’s most awkward selfie. He’s smiling happily, and I look like I’m being tortured.

So after Halloween, I swore I was done with the stagedoor. I had my signed playbill, and I was good. But as I started making friends with other fans, I started getting invited to stay after shows and stagedoor. Turns out, a lot of people do it just for fun. This revelation rocked me to my core, because stagedooring for me had always been the opposite of what I would call fun, but I was curious to see why others enjoyed it so much. So I tagged along and after observing the pros, I’ve picked up a few stagedooring tips. Follow any one of these, and even if you’re most awkward person on the planet, you can make it through a stagedoor experience unscathed. You might even have fun.

Tip #1 – Bring a pet. A fan buddy of mine would sometimes bring her dog to the stagedoor. Now, for this to work, you have to live nearby as pets are obviously not allowed in the theater. But if you can bring your pet, do it. Cast members will stop and want to play with or cuddle your pet. This will give you a little extra time to think of something to say if you’re feeling up for it. If not, a cute pet can completely remove the awkwardness from any awkward silence, freeing you up to simply smile and hand the cast member your playbill.

Tip #2 – Be the photographer. Find a stagedoor buddy who loves having his or her picture taken with cast members, and then volunteer to be their photographer. That way you can happily stand there and take their picture, while not having to worry about saying a single thing the entire time. This is the perfect stagedoor hack for those feeling especially nervous or shy. You literally don’t have to say a thing apart from, “1,2,3, smile!”

Tip #3 – Avoid the crowd. One of the worst ways to stagedoor is from the middle of a crowd of screaming fans. Avoid this at all costs. The cast will typically exit the stagedoor and then move either right or left away from the theater, signing playbills as they go. So, the best thing to do is find out which way they typically go (left or right) and then go that way. Go down to where the line of fans thins out. The actors have to pass by you eventually because, at some point, they have to go home, and it’s much better to be as far from the maddening crowd as possible. This is a great strategy for those feeling brave enough to strike up a conversation. There’s less pressure to get your question out in 10 seconds as there aren’t screaming girls shoving you from behind. Usually, there are just a few people at the end of the stagedoor line, and they tend to be much more relaxed. I actually managed to have a few decent conversations with cast members by employing this particular strategy.

Tip #4 – Bring something. Now, this can quickly get out of hand, so keep in mind the three S’s: small, sensible, and sincere. If you’re an artist, drawing a picture is always nice. Or if words are more your medium, you can write a cast member a letter. On Halloween, a fan made little bags of candy to give out the cast, and they really seemed to enjoy that. But don’t go overboard. I doubt a cast member would appreciate a life-size bust of his or her head sculpted from a block of real Wisconsin cheddar cheese. Even if the cast member is from Wisconsin and loves cheese, no one wants something like that.

On Closing Night, I wrote out little thank you notes for the cast. I stayed after at the stagedoor to hand them out. I took my own advice and stationed myself down towards the end of the line, and, you know what? I had an okay time. I was able to hand out my cards, say thank you in person, and get everyone who came out that night to sign my copy of the play. The best signer that night, hands down, was Alex Boniello. Under composer Duncan Skeik’s name, Alex wrote, “is nice” with a smiley face before signing his own name. The most simultaneously uncomfortable and sweet moment came when I gave Russell Harvard his thank you note. He took it, I signed thank you, he signed my copy of the play, and just as he turned away and I was starting think that I’d successfully completed another exchange, he leapt forward and hugged me. Now, anyone who knows me knows I am not a fan of hugging. Especially hugging people I don’t know. But while this made me a little uncomfortable, it was also a really sweet moment. Here was an actor, overcome with the emotion of closing night and the outpouring of support from fans of the show, saying thank you in his own way. Even I can be okay with that.

Well, we’ve come to the end of my Spring Awakening series. Spring Awakening will always be my favorite musical, and I know I’ll always treasure the memories of being in the city and getting to experience so much surrounding the Deaf West revival. I hope you’ve enjoyed my ramblings!

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kitemist · 7 years

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switched at birth season 5 episode 3 thoughts with spoilers

Live reactions as well.

Overall, bad pacing and more, more dark than good.

Daphne’s nightmares about bay.. </3

“I am this close to leaving him for my pillow.” DO IT THEN. AT LEAST YOUR PILLOW WON’T PUNCH PEOPLE. AND WHEN IT DOES AT LEAST IT WON’T HURT.

“I want them to get to know you a little before I drop the bomb.” well, since that awkward dinner in season 1, and also knowing who Angelo really was when the police went after him, I don’t think they are going to be that welcoming. And since there is that age difference. Just because it doesn’t bother you two doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist to others, especially when you reveal that part to them..and are they in such a state to talk to you two right now? With the whole money thing?

“It’s too bad we’re in public..” sigh. stay in public please.

“It’s just that I know him years before you did” and what? That makes it easier for her to take? Emmett is already upset at almost everything you go through, Bay, and Travis had to tell him that you were not his property, ever since “it’s forever.”

If only they put enough research into how the deaf actually communicate with the hearing as much as they did with down syndrome and development of one with such syndrome..

“Typical of a Shamingo.” That’s Shamingo-racist but yeah mingo is an ass. I never thought of him as a great guy anyway, even before that outfit.

“She needs a guy with some character.” Emmett’s an ass right now, but childhood friends! He’s the only one compatible right now! Or is going to go the direction of Luca. Please no.

“Throwing a guy at your daughter is not going to solve all her problems.” “Couldn’t hurt.” oh why

“I broke the girl code! Thou shall not date any guy thy friend has already dated!” Why do you need to break into ten-commandments-english for this? And besides, this means that Daphne broke it long ago. With your very, very first ex back in season 1. And you did too, with Travis! Or would this confirm that s5 swtichsters and s1-4 switchers are completely different people?

Yup, and there’s Daphne’s receipts.

“But she was in love with him! She even lost her V card to him!” Well, did that mean that neither of you are in love with Travis? Just get with each other! I guarantee that would be healthier than any relationship this show has ever shown, with gay males or straight male and females! Small shoutout to switched at birth to not have the lesbians die.

“But she broke up with him, I think that voids the girl code contract.” Why are you even having this conversation.

“I still feel terrible.” sigh.

“It’s mary beth, I thought we would become friends forever.” Well, ever since your breakup with Emmett was forever too, I can’t trust you on this.

If you knew a “lukewarm shrimp burrito” was a bad idea, why did you even take it with him? You still have whatever you caught in the Chinese forest!

I still find it confusing how you two are getting married AFTER the baby. You two don’t even remember correctly how you first even met.

Right HERE?! WHAT?!

This is the shortest notice I’ve ever seen since the Police came to your house to look for Angelo.

“I took the bullet for Reverend Daphne over there.” Yeah, because Daphne was going grief apeshit. And what’s with ordained minister? I thought you needed like a REAL minister who studied and all that.

Bay. Come on. I know you don’t want this to explode RIGHT AFTER this announcement. But at least let med student reverend Daphne check you for real. And that neck pain...yeah. Not going to let that slide after what happened to your hand.

“You know my daughter’s pre med. You two may have a lot in common.” Yeah, that first conversation went well. And just like this one you’re having right now, Regina comes in slightly panicked.

“The more the merrier” and “casual” shouldn’t be in the same sentence.

Hi mom. :3 <3

DAMMIT TOBY, YOU WERE IN A MUSICAL! YOU WERE AN ASS BUT YOU WERE IN A MUSICAL!

You’re going to tear your relationship at a bad time, huh. Well, I saw enough stuff on Instagram.

“I really care about you and I value our friendship.” Please, say this more, to Daphne.

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW

Now, MB has broken the girl code to much more serious levels.

The cinematography and the conversation match..damn.

Bay...oh my god. “You cannot forgive him for something that happened to ME.”

“But sometimes life happens.” The excuse thrown all over the show.

“Eventually you can accept this too.” Well, Travis didn’t rape you and blew up over the internet. Or traumatized you for life over it. So...no.

Yup, Bay said it too.

“It brings all of that up again.” </3

“I want this to work out, I miss you.” </3

“You can break up with him.” I can’t believe this is actually a logical choice that I would support as well. But look at this drama, right after MB was heartbroken by having to leave Travis.

“You count, too.” Mom to mom. ;v;

Luca and Daphne having so much in common is going to tear Regina’s heart. Again, after Angelo and that guy at the cracked mug. I’m surprised she hasn’t gone apeshit at all, besides refusing help for her drinking problem.

Sniper to Medic. What a huge 180.

“Didn’t want one of my brothers getting hurt because someone wasn’t listening.” Oh, you are going to hate this show, Luca.

Daphne...?

“You went through serious trauma that day.” A huge understatement.

And through these losses, you are going to pick her up again, huh. Are you going to kiss this scene to make her feel better?

Thank god, it’s over with no kiss. At least he is being genuinely helpful...for now.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME, AGAIN?

WHY?! You are a stalker here, dad.

Regina, bad time. So much for what you said at the cracked mug.

“Trust me.” “Are you kidding..” Yeah, what a reveal.

“Why is it men your age can date women way younger and no one bats an eye, but when it’s a woman it’s like she’s robbing a daycare?” So close to being copyright striked. And yeah, hollywood already has an old man fetish.

“I say if it makes you happy, then go for it!” don’t say this to MB, not that you met before, dad.

Good recovery, at least.

And Travis’s violence hasn’t changed at all. Take that punching power and put it into your athletics, Travis.

“do we really have the right to be judging who your ex girlfriend is dating?” is the girl code abolished now?

and you two are fighting right on the night of your wedding. Is Toby gambling on sports?

Should I feel bad for Tank, even though he raped Bay, and was completely conscious that night when she wasn’t? The mood suggests I shouldn’t and that this eventual punch will be well deserved. Well..I’m conflicted.

“You don’t get to tell me who I can date!” Please, plaster this everywhere..

TRAVIS!

No punch, but this is worse.

what a mood 180. This entire episode will be one. This show will be one!

“Playing my music too loud one night turned out to be the best decision of my life.” oh. my. god. Now you DO remember! But now why did you name your son Carlton? Too late to change it now?

Yup. There it is.

Most awkward wedding ever. Why did the one with Nikki turn out smoother than this?

“we wanted to go non traditional..i think we succeeded.” yeah. ding.

“You just want him to get it. A bit quicker.” Frustration builds, even though you decided to keep him. Why not consult more help like Mom did?

YOU ARE GAMBLING!!!

And you are thinking quite far ahead. “Blowing off some steam” isn’t going to cut literally ditching your family.

;v; just a little relief.

There we go. Non traditionally.

“That was an interesting wedding.” Pacing, please.

“Are you jealous?” “Of course not!” By that first conversation...ugh.

Don’t just CASUALLY say that she almost died! Bay and Daphne made a pact to shut up but he didn’t. But wouldn’t he know not to share sensitive stuff like that?!

“We have put it behind us!” Well, one of us did.

Daphne.....</3

Thanks, Bay.

TANK. NOT YOU, AND NOT NOW.

And now we need MB to have more trauma so she is more susceptible to dating you, Tank?

“It just...happened.” Just like all romance in this show.

Now get out.

Daphne’s only reason for taking this well is because she went through enough too much surprising shit.

Now Bay is being there for her. MB rants by the window. I’ve enough conversations similar to this to know that this is serious.

“You can’t blame yourself.” “But I can.” After Angelo...wow.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” “You were in china.” ;v;

Holy SHIT.

Okay...some light shed on tank. but “a good relationship” isn’t selling me...somehow.

“What does that mean for us?” “I don’t know.” ...

“Me neither.” How would you two be friends now? You can ditch the girl code for bay’s relationship, but for MB’s? Almost no excuse is acceptable. To both of you.

Thanks, Mom and Dad.

Bay is now signing in low light. Even if some is on her face, barely any is on her hands.

Bay slipped Emmett out. Well. It’s not going to be “forever” huh.

Nope. Not. At. All.

Bemmett’s going to resurface...fuck.

#switched at birth #switched at birth spoilers #whiteOnslaught rambles

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