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#and the bottom quote is by richard siken

dark-academia-rambles · 1 year

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On fucked up friendships

Requested by: @deckerstarareotp

"Ace of Spades" by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé // "Yellowjackets" on showtime // "Ace of Spades" by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé // "Romance 101" by Namsoo // "Crush" by Richard Siken // "Swimming pool" by The Front Bottoms // "Hunger games" by Suzanne Collins // Power Politics by Margaret Atwood

#i dont know what genre of fucked friendships u wanted so i hope this is what you meant gahsbsb #friendship #dark academia #dark academia aesthetic #dark acadamia quotes #margaret atwood #poetry #poems #quotes #richard siken #death mention #webtoon #yellowjackets #hunger games #the front bottoms #ace of spades #web weaving

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tallullahssacredlamb · 2 years

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Pool poetry

Richard Siken “Crush” / David Hockney “Pool with Two Figures” / Sufjan Stevens “Eugene” / David Hockney “Sunbather” / The front bottoms “Swimming pool” / Pedro Almodovar “La mala educacion” / Samia “Pool” / David Hockney “Splash” / Richard Siken “Little beast”

#quotes and poems #web weaving #parallels #art parallels #gay yearning #queer art #gay poetry #swimming pools #richard siken #david hockney #pedro almodóvar #samia #the front bottoms #poetry #queer longing #quotes about love

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asoftepiloguemylove · 1 year

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i never grew up with you and you're not my waiting room

Marjane Satrapi Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood / unknown / Clementine von Radics / Clementine von Radics / image (unknown) quote (Richard Siken Crush) / Louise Glück from Unpainted Door, "Poems 1962-2012" / unknown / image (unknown) quote (Phoebe Bridgers Moon Song)

i. Marjane Satrapi, Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood

[ "What is childhood like? It's a little like dying, a little like being born. Which is to say, it's nothing you can remember, but you know there was blood." ]

ii. unknown

[ Floating cutout of a wolf on a black background. Text surrounds the image. "NOTHING WILL BE LEFT OF ME / BUT A MEMORY / BUT EVEN THAT WILL DIE OFF TOO" ]

iii. Clementine von Radics

[ "Every time a man yells / you are seven years old again / and he is packing that suitcase / once more. Picking you up by the neck, / teaching you obedience. To be soft, / like the belly of a fish / exposed to a knife." ]

iv. Clementine von Radics

[ "When I imagine myself I am barely there." ]

v. Richard Siken, Crush

[ The background image is of two black men standing face to face. The man of the left holds the back of the man on the right's head. They are posed intimately with their foreheads touching. The words are cut out like a collage and placed in the middle of the image. "he / touches / you, / like a / prayer / for which / no / words / exist, / and you / feel / your heart / taking / root / in your / body, / like / you've / discovered / something / you didn't / even / have / a name / for." ]

vi. Louise Glück, Unpainted Door

[ Screenshot of a tumblr post from @/weltenwellen "I remember my childhood as a long wish to be elsewhere." Louise Glück from "Unpainted Door", Poems 1962-2012 ]

vii. unknown

[ "You can never leave home. / You take it with you no matter where you go. Home is between your teeth, under your fingernails, in the hair follicles, in your smile, in the ride of your hips, in the passage of your breasts." ]

viii. Phoebe Bridgers, Moon Song

[ Edited collage. The background image is of a teenage boy laying on a pile of books while his dog lays with it's chin on his neck. The words are cut on paper at the top and bottom of the image. There are silver stars sporadically placed on the image. "so i will wait for the next time you want me / like a dog with a bird at your door" ]

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july4thkisses · 2 years

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ok we all know that “you’re in a car with a beautiful boy and he won’t tell you that he loves you but he loves you” is a very samdean-core quote from richard siken, but why does no one talk about “i make you pancakes, i take you hunting, i talk to you as if you’re really there” or “sorry about the blood in your mouth, i wish it was mine. i couldn’t get the boy to kill me, but i wore his jacket for the longest time” or “tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us” or “sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how i ruined everything by saying it out loud” likeeeeee. eric kripke and richard siken were on the same wavelength

#that last one is legiterally sooo stanford era core #samdean #siken #wincest #stanford era

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minastras · 10 months

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iv. if i give my heart to you

prev • masterlist • next

words: 4.8k

warnings: swearing, underage drinking

——————————

The second you reached home you rushed to your room and shut the door, letting out a quiet, choked sob. You allotted twenty minutes for being miserable away from prying eyes, sitting on the floor with your back to the door and your head in your hands.

You’d read a Richard Siken quote a while back about sliding down a wall crying but only being able to focus on the wall in front of you and how you didn’t paint it all that well. That was you now, as you stared and stared and realised one of your power outlets was crooked. There was something so pathetically sad about hiding your tears when there was no one around to see you cry.

The next day, you told your friends you and Kai broke up. You didn’t give them any more details than that, lest your two stories contradicted each other again.

Aeri and Yizhuo tried their best to comfort you (and you appreciated it) but they couldn’t, not really. Not unless they knew the real reason you were upset. Kai hadn’t “broken your heart”; you’d gotten invested in something knowing it was fake. You were drowning in quicksand you’d willingly jumped into, and you had no one to blame but yourself.

Over the next week you and Kai stayed out of each other’s way. His friends gave you such pity-filled glances whenever you crossed paths that you felt compelled to tell them you were fine each time. Obviously, that was a big fat lie.

Daeseong and Daehyun asked about Kai only once, because the second they mentioned his name you’d burst into tears. They both got so scared they started crying too. You had never cried in front of them in your life.

“I’m cancelling my party next week,” Aeri told you after class. “Yizhuo and I’ll come over and we can hang out.”

“You don’t have to do that,” you shook your head. “Have the party. I know you’ve been excited about it for ages.” She’d recently gotten a pool table and wanted to show it off. You weren’t going to deny her that chance, especially not to just make her join your daily moping sessions.

“Fine, but you don’t have to come,” she acquiesced. She knew you well enough to know you hated pity, and that when you said things you meant them.

“No, I’ll go. It’ll help me take my mind off things,” you said, smiling and poking her cheek. “Anyway, I need to be there to keep you and Yizhuo in check.”

——————————

Empty bleachers haunted Kai at every practice, but he still looked forward to training. It helped to keep his mind off of you. For a while at least.

After he ended his fake relationship with you, there had been no teasing, ribbing, or I told you so remarks from any of his friends. Not even Beomgyu. How visibly torn up must Kai have been to elicit such unbridled sympathy? He hated thinking about it, the fact that other people knew the strength of his emotions.

Practice ended, and once again a dull ache crept its way back into his heart and settled in, making itself at home as it had for the last week.

Soobin cleared his throat and pointed over Kai’s shoulder. “Someone’s here for you,” he said.

His heart started racing. It was you. You were here to give him another chance to apologise. But then he turned around and saw your friend Yizhuo, standing at the bottom of the bleachers with her arms crossed, staring daggers right at him. He excused himself from the group and made his way over to her.

“Hi, Yi-”

She held up a hand, not in the mood for pleasantries. “I’m not here to be a messenger between you and Y/N. I’m also not here to beg you to take them back,” she started, narrowing her eyes. “They didn’t send me here, but you probably already knew that.”

He did; you weren’t the sort of person to pull such stunts. That’s what really hurt, that you didn’t want to talk to him at all.

“I don’t know what happened between you two, and frankly I don’t care. But I do know that you left them with the impression you don’t care about them,” she continued. You thought he didn’t care about you?

“Whether you guys get back together is none of my business. I just hope you’ll show them they mattered to you and give them closure instead of running away,” she said, before pivoting on her heel and leaving.

Kai sat at his desk that night, unmoving, as if the right path of action would come to him if he stared at his wall collage for long enough. Even Yizhuo knew he was a child, incapable of having important conversations, incapable of real relationships.

He pulled the polaroid of you and him after his championship game off the wall — the one you’d asked for but he refused to give up. He could still remember the feeling of your hands on his face when you kissed him, your palms cool in comparison to his skin flushed from the exertion of the game.

His friends teased him relentlessly over this photo and the way he stared at you in it, saying he was happier at the kiss than their championship win.

He set the picture down on his desk and reached for his phone. He had something he needed to say.

——————————

Did you regret attending Aeri’s party? Maybe. But you couldn’t back out now, and you didn’t want her to worry about you.

While Aeri shepherded the earliest guests down to the basement to see her new pool table and Yizhuo greeted people at the door, you were in the kitchen making a gigantic bowl of your signature sparkling strawberry vodka punch.

It gave you something to do, at least, that didn’t necessitate being out in the living room where the rest of the party was. Talking to one or two people when they popped into the kitchen for a drink was a hell of a lot easier than doing that.

There was no way Kai would turn up, you kept telling yourself, trying to be normal.

You repeated that again when you finally left the kitchen and saw Yeonjun and Soobin walk through the front door.

And again when you were talking to Jongseong in the backyard and spotted Beomgyu and Taehyun walking up the driveway.

Jongseong was trying to assess you — to figure out if he could flirt with you or if you were still upset about Kai — and in the back of your mind you knew that. You answered that question for him when you locked eyes with Kai through the open back patio door. He looked away, a see-through cup of your punch in his hand.

Jongseong turned around as your mask of friendly bubbliness slipped off in an instant and shattered all over the grass beneath your feet.

“Yeah, I figured you’d still be hung up on him,” Jongseong said, sounding mildly disappointed. How long had Kai been watching you? When did he even get here?

“Mm, I guess so,” you shrugged, pushing your entertainer smile back onto your face. But you weren’t fooling anyone, not anymore.

“It’s fine, Y/N. I get it,” Jongseong chuckled, taking a step back to indicate he wasn’t going to pursue you further. “Now’s a bad time. I hope things work out, whether you guys get back together or not.”

You relaxed considerably, scrambling for the shards of your mask as you tried to smile back. “Thanks, Jongseong. I’ll be in the house if you need me,” you said, excusing yourself.

When you returned to the living room Kai was nowhere to be found. You headed straight for the stairs and up to the guest room, leaving the door unlocked behind you as you entered.

If there was anything you were jealous of in Aeri and Yizhuo’s houses, it was the balconies. What you would give to have one of your own. From up here, the sounds of the party seemed so far away. The night Kai had asked you to fake date him on this very balcony, exactly one hundred days ago, seemed equally distant.

It was a cold night, but not unbearably so as long as the air was still. The sky was clear but too polluted for visible stars. You propped your feet up against the edge of the balcony and leaned over the railing, looking up at the deep indigo anyway.

“Don’t do that. It’s dangerous,” came a familiar voice. You stepped back down and turned around, watching Kai shut the door behind him.

You closed your eyes tightly and turned away, back to the view from the balcony, and held your breath.

“You left the door unlocked for me, right? You were hoping I’d follow you, right?” he asked, sounding almost desperate for his assumptions to be true.

And they were. You told him as much when you sighed softly and once again turned around to face him.

He was wearing his student athlete jacket that you loved, a black and gold varsity-style jacket with ‘Kai’ embroidered in small gold letters on the front. You borrowed it sometimes, because it was soft, warm, and smelt like him. Selfishly, you wondered if he wore it hoping to run into you.

“Kai-”

“I’m sorry. Please, hear me out.”

It was too cold to be out on the balcony. You walked back inside, closed the sliding door behind you, and sat down on the end of the neatly made bed. He sat down beside you, hands fidgeting nervously in his lap.

If someone had asked you what you were anticipating from this conversation, you wouldn’t have been able to give them an answer to save your life. No, your head was filled only with him — how sad his eyes looked and how much you wanted to hug him. There was no room in your mind for speculation.

“The other day when I told you I wanted to end things, I was lying,” Kai began, pausing after every other word, choosing them carefully. He wasn’t looking at you while he spoke, his eyes locked low on the wall in front of him. On a power outlet.

“I actually wrote a whole thing out on my phone — that’s what I was looking at — but I didn’t read it out because I was being a coward,” he continued. “Can I read it to you now?”

There was a block in your vocal cords preventing you from speaking. All you could do was nod and watch him pull out his phone. He turned to face you, and each time he glanced up from his phone at you while he read, his eyes seemed to get shinier.

“You were right, it was real. All of it. I avoided thinking about us until you brought it up because I’m immature, I’m childish, and I don’t like thinking about the serious stuff. What people say about me is true, and I was terrified by how much I like you. I chose to act as if everything was fine, and that wasn’t fair to you.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, and that I made you feel like you didn’t matter to me. That was the last thing I wanted to do, because you’re my favourite person. I like everything about you. You just get me, and I never have to pretend around you. I want to be your boyfriend, your actual boyfriend, and I promise I’ll grow up for you. If you’d have me.”

He cleared his throat awkwardly and pocketed his phone, fidgeting with his hair like he always did when he was nervous. You watched him, biting the inside of your cheek, the ambient noise of the party downstairs crackling in the background.

“I- I meant to say all that a long time ago,” he said, trying to hold eye contact with you but breaking it constantly. His hands rested uncomfortably on his knees, like he didn’t know what to do with them.

“Do you still mean it?” you asked. “All of it?”

“Yeah, I do,” he nodded, before sighing and pushing his hands through his hair again. “I just- you know me. I can’t commit to people. I’m the last of my friends to grow up.”

Huening Kai: the master of puppy love and nothing more. Or so people used to say. But there were other types of love aside from romance, and you’d always known he was capable of those. The guest bedroom was painfully quiet, enough so that you could hear him breathing.

“You keep saying that, but I don’t think it’s true,” you said.

“You’re right: it’s Beomgyu,” he agreed, giggling nervously. It had been too long since you last heard him laugh. You smiled at his cautious joke, which appeared to reassure him slightly.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have let it get this far. I should’ve talked to you earlier,” you mumbled. Your initial outburst must have come out of nowhere for him. The embarrassment of your past actions hit you, delayed, but you pushed it aside and soldiered on. “Can- can we try this again? I don’t want to live with regrets.”

You had barely finished getting out your last word when Kai leaned forward and kissed your cheek, urgent yet hesitant, eager yet tentative. He was beaming as he reached for your hands and held them in his.

“Me neither.” There were sparkles in his eyes.

He kissed you again, pecking you on the mouth this time, and you leaned against him with a content sigh. You could stay like this forever, wrapped in his arms with a soft warmth in your chest you’d never felt before. You played with the gold ring on his pinky finger.

“Kai?” you whispered, closing your eyes.

“Yeah?”

Your voice was soft and hopeful. “This is real, right?”

He moved his free hand to the nape of your neck, gently turning it to tilt your head towards him so he could press his lips to your temple.

“It’s real. I’m all yours,” he promised, “for as long as you’re willing to put up with me.”

You buried your face into his jacket and laughed, breathing him in. His cologne was woody and faintly sweet. “Stop saying things like that,” you mumbled. “This week without you was the longest week of my life.”

He froze, but after a second he relaxed and pulled you closer.

“I told my friends the truth, by the way. They were the ones who knocked some sense into me,” he said. “Speaking of which, we should probably go downstairs.”

Shit. You needed to tell Aeri and Yizhuo.

“They probably all think I’m an idiot now,” you groaned.

He sat up and grinned cheekily. “Is what other people think important to you?”

You rolled your eyes and nudged him, but you didn’t let go of his hand even as you stood up and led him to the door. “Hah, very funny.”

“Hey, you’ve asked me so many difficult questions. I should get to ask you some, too,” he complained, shrugging off his jacket and draping it over your shoulders.

That indescribable soft warmth grew stronger. It reminded you of how your skin felt when you stepped out of a cold room and into the sunlight. You’d missed the feeling of having Kai’s hand in yours so much that it was almost overwhelming, delivering a rush to your head that made you dizzy.

“Well, then, to answer your question: no, it’s not,” you smiled, opening the door.

The party was still thumping along downstairs; with all the chaos going on you could hardly blame anyone for missing your absence. But the second you and Kai reached the halfway point of the staircase, Taehyun spotted you from the backyard through the kitchen door like some kind of superspy, breaking into a knowing smile immediately.

“What’s that like? Must be nice,” Kai joked, although the underlying element of truth was clear in the look in his eyes as he waved to Taehyun. You squeezed his hand and smiled, trying to be comforting, not knowing if you were doing a good job or not. He led you towards the front door, clearly wanting to leave.

“Are you okay?” you asked, feeling the tension in his forearm as you held onto him so you wouldn’t get separated by the crowd. The chaotic chatter of the partygoers around you concealed your words and afforded you both a paradoxical privacy.

“Yeah. You’re here,” he replied, turning around and flashing you a sweet smile — the kind he reserved only for you. The sincerity of it knocked the air from your lungs temporarily.

Once you’d made it out of the packed house, you swiftly found Aeri to let her know you were leaving.

“Hi, uh-” Aeri started, staring at Kai’s name embroidered on the jacket around your shoulders. Her pupils were dilated from the alcohol. “What?”

“I’ll explain tomorrow, I promise,” you said, holding up your pinky finger.

She locked her own around yours with a dramatic eye roll. “God, I can’t wait to hear whatever this story is,” she ribbed, clearly joking, because she gave you a tight hug and told you to get home safe.

——————————

While you were talking to Aeri earlier, Kai had run around to the backyard to tell his own friends he was leaving to take you home. None of them had seemed even remotely surprised at this news. They saved all their questions for the group chat, not that he’d bothered to check his texts since. He’d reply to them later.

He tiptoed into your living room after you and took off his shoes, trying not to disturb your brothers.

“What are you smiling at?” Kai asked, watching you curiously as he locked the front door behind him and turned on the lights.

“Just making sure Daeseong and Daehyun did their chores,” you replied, looking around the room, clearly pleased that they had. The plates were washed, the floor was cleaned, and the curtains were drawn. As far as he could tell, the only thing left for you to do was iron.

Your wood floors were cold under his feet, even through his socks. He stood with his hands in his back pockets and waited for you to speak, but all you did was glance at the ironing and then back at him apologetically.

“I’ll help you,” he offered, never mind that ironing wasn’t exactly a two-person operation. He knew you’d forgiven him, that you were ‘back together’, but he remained on edge. You did too. Standing right beside you as you ironed and he folded clothes, he could almost taste the nervous energy radiating off of you. You two still needed to talk.

“Do you want to spend the night?” you asked. You had never invited him to stay over before.

Inquisitive, he studied your features. “Do you want me to spend the night?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I will.”

You fell silent. He continued folding, biting his tongue.

“I feel like I should say something, but I don’t know what to say,” you admitted, with your trademark straightforward bend, your eyes locked on Daehyun’s school uniform shirt you were pressing.

“Why did you take me back?” he blurted out, surprised by his own forwardness. He hadn’t quite realised how close to the surface in his mind that question had been bubbling for the last hour until now.

The laundry pile had depleted much faster than he expected it to (you were clearly a better ironer than he was), reduced to just two of your own school uniform shirts. You switched off the iron and set it aside, reaching for his hand. He gave it to you.

“I really like you, Kai,” you began, and as if you could sense his apprehension you immediately added, “the real you, not the one everyone else sees that you keep calling immature or cowardly or whatever you said earlier.”

Yeonjun had mentioned something ages ago: he said he spoke to you after school once and asked you what you liked about Kai. You answered, “everything.” At the time Kai figured you just didn’t know how to respond (because what kind of question was that, right?), which was what he told Yeonjun.

“No, man,” Yeonjun insisted. “I was joking around with them like, ‘Are we talking about the same person?’ And they shrugged and said, ‘He makes it easy.’ They had the corniest, dopiest smile on their face. It was revolting.”

Yeonjun was still reeling from his breakup at the time, clearly.

The way Kai felt now was exactly how he felt back then. It must’ve been more than two months ago. A flippant memory for Yeonjun, perhaps, and you probably didn’t even know Kai knew of the conversation, but Kai never stopped thinking about it.

“You’re kind, you’re caring, you’re selfless. You notice things that no one else does, and you’re always there to make sure I’m okay without ever taking credit. I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself, because you’re my favourite person too,” you continued.

He shook his head, fighting off a smile, holding your hands in his. “I don’t- that’s not true.”

At that, you frowned. “But you are. And you’re wonderful.”

Your eyes were soft but insistent, pulling him in and not letting him look away. He wasn’t used to such frank words. He was used to superlatives and grand titles: the best-looking boy in school, the MVP of the soccer team, one-fifth of the fifteen day kings.

But to be called wonderful was something else. It made him giddy.

“You didn’t tell me about Stackies,” you reminded him. “Most people would have. And you didn’t tell me about Hangil.”

Kai blinked. “How do you know about that?”

“His friends were bitching about it to Aeri,” you answered. “Wasn’t it because of us?”

“Not us, you. He was being inappropriate,” Kai replied, scowling now as he remembered the encounter. “But I didn’t keep it a secret out of some noble selflessness, I just didn’t want you to find out I punched someone.”

It took you all of two seconds to see through his obvious self-deprecating lies. You didn’t dwell on it though, merely letting go of his hand and reaching for the iron to turn it back on. He could almost see you thinking, trying to figure out how best to respond without scaring him off.

Neither one of you spoke while you pressed your last two shirts and he put them neatly on hangers, or while you left to put away the laundry and he helpfully kept the iron and ironing board.

He felt exposed, mortifyingly so. Your words were too kind, the type to make him want to run away. It wasn’t like he hated attention, far from it, but it was just different when it was your attention for some reason.

But when you returned from your room empty-handed and ready to talk, he stayed and listened.

“That’s not why. You know I wouldn’t have been upset by that,” you observed with a playful smile. You never complained about people like Hangil being knocked down a few pegs.

Kai shrugged. “Well, you shouldn’t have to hear stuff like that,” he said simply. You walked right up to him and took his hand again, and it felt like his heart was going to burst. “I know you don’t need me to protect you or anything, but-”

He was almost relieved when you leant forward and kissed him to shut him up, because it was apparent he was incapable of doing so himself. You tasted like your favourite raspberry chapstick, oh so sweet and intoxicating.

“See?” you whispered when you pulled back. “You are selfless.”

——————————

After Kai stubbed his toe on the corner of your kitchen counter and only barely stopped himself from shouting in pain, you decided it’d be better to head up to the roof to talk. If either of your brothers woke up now they’d never go back to bed.

You both put on your jackets and he dragged a blanket up the stairs behind him, ready to brave the night chill until you were tired enough to sleep. Leaning back against the tall parapet, legs tangled together as you sat side-by-side on the floor, Kai rested his head on top of yours with a happy sigh.

“You knew I liked you, right?” you asked, sitting obediently still while he wrapped both of you up in the blanket and tucked you in.

“I think so. I couldn’t understand why, though,” he said, only half-joking.

“What does that mean?” you mumbled, mindlessly opening the suspiciously-old pack of gummy bears Kai had fished out of his jacket pocket earlier. He told you not to eat them, but you didn’t listen. When you offered him one, he refused.

“I remember when you first started waking up earlier to prepare your brothers’ dinner before school so you could stick around until my soccer training ended,” he started, grabbing the pack from your hands to check if the gummy bears were still edible before reluctantly returning it. You sat up, ready to dispute that, but he stopped you.

“Don’t deny it! I could tell because you started answering my messages at six in the morning instead of six-thirty,” he said, grinning smugly when you closed your mouth and relented, lying back down. “And you always brought me snacks after my practice. I knew then, I’m pretty sure, but I didn’t feel like I deserved it.”

The rooftop was small, the view was unimpressive, and the night air was cold and dry, but none of that really mattered to him. What mattered was you, your hand in his, and your head on his shoulder.

“I cannot comprehend why you think you’re so unlovable,” you mused. Your tone was light, but he could tell you were upset from the way your voice pitched up ever so slightly as it always did when you got emotional.

He watched you eat the gummy bears with a lingering mild concern, turning your words over and over in his head.

“I don’t think that exactly,” he answered after a long pause. “I just don’t really know who I am yet.”

The implied ‘how can I think I deserve love if I don’t even know myself?’ went unsaid, hanging in the air between you two like a stubborn fog unwilling to clear. Sometimes it really did feel like everyone else around him was racing ahead in front of him, leaving him in the dust, aimless and confused.

“I don’t know who I am either. Most people don’t, even if they act like they do,” you pointed out sagely. “We don’t need to have everything figured out.”

He smiled and adjusted the collar of your jacket to better shield you from the wind. “How did you get so wise?” he teased, playfully messing up your hair with his free hand. You automatically leaned into his touch when he did, like you’d never fought at all.

“If only my report cards agreed with you,” you laughed, suppressing a yawn and checking your watch. “It’s past midnight. We should go to bed,” you said quietly.

The loss of your warmth as you stood up and walked over to the rooftop door almost made him whine. He dragged himself to his feet, more tired than he would’ve liked to admit, until a realisation hit him.

“Wait,” he called, chasing after you. You turned around, looking so cute in your massive teddy jacket.

“What-”

Kai put one hand on your waist and the other on your jaw, tilting your head up so he could kiss you. He felt no surprise, no hesitation, no tension in your body as he did, even though he’d caught you off guard. Your lips were tinged with the artificial sweetness of the probably-expired gummy bears you’d been eating, soft and plush as they moved against his.

He had been craving this for so long — to feel your waist in his hands and your fingers in his hair, to be as physically close to you as the laws of nature would allow. A real, proper kiss, one where everything else in the world fell away and he could think of nothing but you.

He was forced to pull away by his pesky need for oxygen, feeling the urge to kiss you again the second he did. You looked up at him, slightly confused but mostly blissful, the sort of dazed contentment one felt after waking up and realising a loved one had covered them with a blanket while they were sleeping.

“What was that for?” you whispered, your cold fingers wrapping naturally around his forearms to hold him closer. Like it was magnetic, both of you were drawn to each other.

He beamed, pointed to your watch, and kissed your forehead one last time. “Happy 100 day anniversary.”

——————————

thanks for reading!

-minastras <3

#txt #tomorrow x together #hueningkai #hueningkai x reader #hueningkai fluff #hueningkai angst #txt x reader #txt fluff #txt angst #txt series

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widowofshor · 7 months

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richard siken // anne carson // micah nemerever // uncredited tumblr tags // never saw it coming, tigers jaw // soap, the oh hellos // never love an anchor, the crane wives // rainer maria rilke // robert frost // funny you should ask, the front bottoms // francesca, hozier // promises, hadestown // door, mitski // richard siken // baby annihilation, fall out boy // bang the doldrums, fall out boy // i was an island, john allison-weiss // annie's song, john denver // franz kafka // cold is the night, the oh hellos // cuffing season, beach bunny // venetta octavia // josé olivarez

hi everyone! just popping in to say i am officially not dead, and i'm sorry about burn you to ash's extended break. it was not planned (obviously) and i don't know how long it's to continue for, but i wanted to share a collection of poems, lyrics, and quotes that have served as my inspiration for the fic for all these long months i've been working on it. i couldn't include half of them because SPOILERS! but just know i am thinking of you all and i hope you like the gift!

(p.s. to anyone worried: i am not abandoning my fic. this fic is my child, i am raising her like my own daughter, she means everything to me, etc etc. that is to say, once i start something i will always see it through. we've come too far to stop now, and there's still so much story i want to tell!)

#spencer talks #fic: burn you to ash

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whaliiwatching · 10 months

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hey, what poem did you use for hobie's face in kaleidoscope crush? (actually, if it's not too much to ask, what poems did you use for the entire piece? your art looks fantastic) :)

thank u so much! i’ll do my best to list em. they should be in order from bottom left, around the character, to bottom right lol

from blossoms by li-young lee

saying your names by richard siken

only ever yours by louise o’neill

the second coming by dante émile

famous quote by farouq jwaideh (i think)

transformation and transcendence by emily rapp

little dog’s rhapsody in the night by mary oliver

abundance (after mary oliver) by amy schmidt

a moveable feast by ernest hemingway

letters to véra from vladimir nabokov

on a train by wendy cope

i have dreamed of you so much by robert desnos

valentine weather by edwin morgan

from my favorite love songs by oozins

tiny beautiful things: advice on love and life from dear sugar by cheryl strayed

for m by mikko harvey

did you know that there’s a tunnel under ocean boulevard by lana del rey

the shortest and sweetest of songs by george macdonald

persephone to hades by nikita gill

the riot act

ordinary things by ryebreadgf

comme des garçons: poem denim jeans by junya watanabe

line from disco elysium

from these violent delights by micah nemerever

other lives and dimensions and finally a love poem by bob hicok

coffee and cigarettes by sade andria zabala

letters to milena from franz kafka

drunk confessions by spencer thomas

here again now by okechukwu nzelu

letters to caitlin by dylan thomas

desperation sits heavy on my tongue by tullipsink

i am praying again, awesome one by rainer rilke

i hid my love by john clare

and lastly, the one everybody goes wild for:

how will you/have you prepare(d) for your death? by chen chen

#inbox love #poetry #web weaving #sort of #if i didnt list it either i couldnt find it or i wrote it myself lol #should be near complete though!!#oh poetry my love. what would i do without you #thank u thank u thank u!! i’m glad its a hit <3

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axolotlhuman · 2 years

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Little Beast - Richard Siken (2005) // Viago and Anton - What We Do in the Shadows (2014)

ID: four images. Top left: photo of the werewolf Anton looking front with a serious expression. Top right: quote on blood stained paper that reads “Sorry about the blood in your mouth”. Bottom left: (quote continues) “I wish it was mine”. Bottom right: photo of the vampire Viago covered in blood looking front with a neutral expression. END ID.

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits movie #viago #anton #vianton #anton wwdits #vianton fandom i bring you this humble offering #i continue to deepen in the brainrot of the rhys darby and taika waititi cinematic universe #anton x viago #my posts #tw fake blood #blood

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goldrushzukka · 2 years

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aidays playlist breakdown: chapter 1

hello! i am so proud of this fic and everything that's sprung up around it, but i am especially proud of the soundtrack ive built to go with it. at all times i am thinking about either the fic or the playlist, and never more than a tiny suggestion of interest away from babbling about it for hours. so. here we go.

here's the fic (there will obviously be spoilers in this post but tbh if you haven't read the fic what are you even doing here)

here's the playlist

treacherous (taylor's version) by taylor swift

this is. well. it's the theme song. it's the thesis statement. the zukka community would be nothing without treacherous and you may quote me on that. aidays obviously owes its title to treacherous but the themes and ideas of this song are woven throughout the entire fic. i find myself coming back to this song again and again for guidance.

(ID: "Put your lips close to mine / As long as they don't touch / Out of focus, eye to eye / 'Til the gravity's too much". End ID)

zuko and sokka work so hard throughout this fic to convince themselves (and others) that there isn't really anything between them, it's just fun and easy and casual. these lines for me are about teetering on the edge of Something. they're holding themselves back from the cliff edge at the same time that they're trying to see what's at the bottom. (this is also VERY applicable to ch10 but im not gonna say anything more about that lol)

(ID: "And I'll do anything you say / If you say it with your hands". End ID)

it's the title!!! i couldn't not include it. this was always my favourite line from treacherous even before i wrote aidays, but of course it has become even more important to me now. this is one of the horniest lines in taylor's entire discography, which makes it an obvious choice to title a fic about casual sex, but for me it's also about like. commitment and dedication. it's a willingness to do absolutely anything to keep this thing going, to make this last as long as possible. all the little not-casual things zuko and sokka do for each other because they're not quite ready to let this thing end yet. like, let me tell you about my tragic past so we can go back to making out. take this key to my apartment so you can use it as a getaway from your weird home life and also fuck me stupid.

(ID: "I can't decide if it's a choice / Getting swept away / I hear the sound of my own voice / Asking you to stay". End ID)

this is sooooo ch1-4 vibes. very much in the way of like, not being able to tell when "casual" disappeared and became this new thing. where does one thing end and the other begin, or were they always the same thing to begin with? were the feelings always here? was this even an arrival at a point, or was it just looking around and finally seeing where they'd been the entire time? a little bit on the nose but the end of ch3/4 ("I can stay." "So stay." immortalised here by @bleekay) was definitely influenced by this.

(ID: "Forever going with the flow / But you're friction". End ID)

this one is so. like. ok. so in ch1 it's zuko who says he doesn't want anything serious. this is because, given his history, he doesn't believe "anything serious" is an option for him. he's too broken, he's too sad, he's too much for other people. so he defaults to casual. but then there's sokka, throwing all those ideas out the window by discovering all the damaged parts of zuko that make other people discard him, and then liking him more for them.

(ID: "Two headlights shine through the sleepless night / And I will get you a, get you alone / Your name has echoed through my mind / And I just think you should, think you should know / That nothing safe is worth the drive / And I would follow you, follow you home". End ID)

this bridge. godddddd. ok. obviously along with richard siken's you are jeff poem this bridge was a big inspiration for ch8. there's that devotion again, this kind of magnetic attraction between sokka and zuko throughout the fic that brings them to this point of like, you are the light in the dark, the sound in the silence, i will go wherever you take me. "nothing safe is worth the drive" in particular is very much like. if this were easy, if it were actually casual and no-strings-attached like it was supposed to be, these feelings wouldn't be here. there wouldn't be all this anguish and passion if they didn't feel this strongly for each other. like. the pain of losing you is nothing compared to the high of having you. nothing safe is worth the drive.

don't you go by all time low

this is the first of many songs about casual sex on this playlist (turns out there are a LOT of those). it's by no means all time low's best song, but it's RELEVANT so it goes in the playlist. (i've been a fan of all time low since i was 13 im allowed to say that)

(ID: "Don't you go and carry on with your life / It was a one night stand till I woke up next to you/ Don't you go saying all your goodbyes / I want a one night stand, just one more time with you". End ID)

this is just what it says on the tin like truthfully what is this chorus if not just a pop punk translation of the opening lines of the fic: It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

(ID: "I got my ass kicked, but you held the ice / I was a train wreck, but you took the ride / Can we stay here, right here? / Nothing else that I want to do". End ID)

this is applicable to two scenes in aidays: ch2 when zuko tells sokka about his scar and sokka doesn't leave him, and ch6 when suki comforts sokka's broken heart with ice cream and tough love.

baby by charli xcx

absolutely crazy that charli xcx wrote all of crash (2022) about aidays. it's ALL about them. idk how she managed it but she did and i am so grateful.

(ID: "[Chorus] / I'ma make you my—, I'ma make you my— / I'ma make you my—, I'ma make you my— (Baby)" End ID)

(ID: "I'ma fuck you up, I'ma fuck you up / I'ma fuck you up, I'ma fuck you up (Baby)". End ID)

this song is really just about being hot and having sex so great it ruins you for anyone else, which is also what the start of aidays is about. great minds (me and charli xcx) think alike.

bloodline by ariana grande

another classic of the fuckbuddy anthem genre. personally i think thank u next deserved more critical and academic acclaim for the work it did on behalf of the hot sadgirl community but that's a different soapbox. quick shoutout to dani @marriedzukka, scholar of ariana grande zukkaism

(ID: "Love me, love me, baby / Are you down? Can you let me know? / Love me, thank you, leave me / Put it down, then it's time to go / Get it like you love me / But you don't, boy, it's just for show". End ID)

this is so them. doing everything they can to explain away anything that doesn't fit the definition they've given their not-relationship. like idk what else to say this is just them. worshiping each other at the altar of casual.

#jesus christ. this got long #sorry about the ESSAY for treacherous #that song just makes me crazy like i want to eat it #this was really fun! i am excited to do more! whether u want it or not #mine #aidays #idk how else to tag this. thats all it is really #zukka

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crimeloyalty-arch · 2 years

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LIST 5 SONGS THAT INSPIRE YOU TO WRITE YOUR MUSE.

me and i - abba - part of me is acting while the other stands beside. yes, i am to myself what jekyll must have been to hyde. we’re like sun & rainy weather, sometimes we’re a hit together, me and i.

gasoline - halsey - pointing fingers ‘cause you’ll never take the blame like me ; and all the people say ‘ you can’t wake up ; this is not a dream. you’re part of a machine ; you are not a human being. ’

no good deed - wicked - one question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention. was i really seeking good, or was i just seeking attention?

tied together with a smile - taylor swift - i guess it’s true that love was all you wanted, ‘cause you’re giving it away like it’s extra change -- hoping it’ll end up in his pocket, but he leaves you out like a penny in the rain ‘cause it’s not his price to pay.

motion sickness - phoebe bridgers - i’m on the outside looking through - you’re throwing rocks around your room - and while you’re bleeding on your back in the glass, i’ll be glad that i made it out and sorry that it all went down like it did.

& LIST 5 QUOTES THAT INSPIRE YOU TO WRITE YOUR MUSE.

“ sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how i ruined everything by saying it out loud. especially that, but i should have known. you see, i take the parts that i remember and stitch them back together to make a creature that will do what i say or love me back. ” ⸻ richard siken, crush.

" when she lay there on the ground, she dreamed of time machines and revenge and a love that was really something, not just the idea of something. when she finally rose, she rose slowly, avoiding old haunts and sidestepping shiny pennies; wary of phone calls and promises, charmers, dandies and get-love-quick-schemes. ” ⸻ taylor swift, why she disappeared

“ oh, i could call you names now. list a hundred reasons for why you were awful. but what would that do? where would it leave me? i still loved you. i still have to live with that. ” ⸻ sue zhao

“ when i met you, i thought i had found the person that i was going to spend the rest of my life with. i was done! all the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cares? i was done. you left me . . . i'm all glued back together now. i make no apologies for how i chose to repair what you broke. ” ⸻ grey’s anatomy

“ what matters isn’t if people are good or bad. what matters is, if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday. ” & “ the point is, people improve when they get external love and support. how can we hold it against them when they don’t? ” ⸻ the good place

stolen from: @gunbash tagging: every single one of u.

#⸻ every time you call me crazy i get more crazy — study.#⸻ i haven’t met the new me yet — headcanons.#i mean it's not really a headcanon but like -- if you're in my headcanons tag i feel like i want you to see this

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sleepingsun-if · 2 years

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now here's a random assortment of quotes i relate to finn!

// hum hallelujah - fall out boy

// i had a dream about you - richard siken

// maps - the front bottoms

// straw house, straw dog - richard siken

#there's more honesty #i might make a series out of it? thoughts?#ch: finn

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r3m-ster · 2 months

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Hello darling, sorry about that.

Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we

lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell

and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.

Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you.

Quit milling around the yard and come inside.

(both quotes from Richard Siken’s ‘Litany in which Certain Things are Crossed Out’)

#favourite poem #ever #i so highly resonate with ‘sorry i ruined everything by saying it out loud’ and ‘i think i can forgive now. i have a spot for you here.’#does someone get it #god i love this poem #it hits too hard and i just #yknow

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im-tempted · 9 months

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oooooooh my god so random of you to ask I'd love to tell you

ok so the card itself was supposed to be part of an art thing about yami yk dying again drama drama everyone's sad that's the context

the title of the card "we say that once there were two" is a quote from the poem war of the foxes (from the book war of the foxes) by Richard Siken love the poem do read it at some point the whole book is up on genius lyrics for free

so the poem itself starts with this fox trying to eat two rabbits and they talk to each other

" Pip: We're doomed. Flip: We're not. Pip: Are you sure? Flip: Yes. Here, hide inside me.

This is the story of Pip and Flip, the bunny twins. We say that once there were two and now there is only one. "

that's the excerpt of the poem I'm specifically referencing in comparing the relationship of yami and yugi with yami literally hiding in the other for his own safety they become one to save themselves

(you could also argue that this is in reference to the puzzle the big triangle thing but that's a whole other can of worms of hiding bodies in bodies

(also it's a light monster yugi is the light one in the relationship yada yada that's just for myself mostly)

than BOTTOM TEXT BOX

in the top brackets is the kind of monster the card would be in this case

[ SOMEONE HAS TO LEAVE / FIRST ]

pre slash is the king of monster it is

it's a shorthand for knowing basically what kind of thing is going on with this card

in this case it's telling you the main crux of this quote is about loss

the second half of the / is basically what the monster does it's either normal and has no fun ability or effect and it does

in this case the / is both emphasizing the word first obviously but it's also saying it's referencing yami due to him being the first cuz the post / is a way of sorting the two (ish) kinds of monsters in this case it's sorting the two characters first (yami) second (yugi)

"this is a very old story / there is not other version of this story"

this quote is mostly referencing the tablet of memories which is a literal stone tablet made about yumis OG death so it is both a very old story (he's like 3000/5000 year sold depending on where you look) and there's also no other way this could have ended yami was always meant to die but not even in the normal way in the way that every choice he made in the show was to get him closer to finally being able to pass over to the afterlife and his death is literally carved into stone

#the second quote is from the worm kings lullaby also good #and the atk/def is just their ages which i just thought was fun #sand #adam fucking around

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nikothebookdragon · 1 year

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wheres that one richard siken quote

the one about reaching rock bottom and breaking down completely but at the same time being abstractly aware of the ridiculousness of it all

my dude was so correct about that

#alex rambles

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quinnpedia · 1 year

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⸻a collection of songs & lyrics.

list five songs that inspire you to write your muse.

no good deed - wicked - one question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention. was i really seeking good, or was i just seeking attention?

and list five quotes that inspire you to write your muse.

“ oh, i could call you names now. list a hundred reasons for why you were awful. but what would that do? where would it leave me? i still loved you. i still have to live with that. ” ⸻ sue zhao

tagging ⸻ anyone reading this at any point!

#dash games.

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