#and then the aspects of identity come in and on the outside he'll be like 'bro its not that deep' but on the inside its like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jamisonwritestf2trash · 8 months

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TF2 Mercs and The Will Wood Songs I Think Fit Best.

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What can I say, I'm a huge Will Wood fan lmao

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Also, slight warnings most of these are sad. One are two aren't, but a lot of the reasons why these songs resonate with the Mercs will be sad.

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Demo- Half A Decade Hangover and The First Step. I genuinely think this man hates being an alcoholic. He loves it when he can be fun and have a good time, but he hates the fact that he depends on it so hard.

Engie- Um, It's Kind Of A Lot. Okay, so this ties back into one of my first headcanons, I think. So I genuinely think the reason Engie is so close with Pyro and the other Mercs is because this man didn't have a family that really cared for him. Like not abusive but just not present. He. Is. Scared. Of. Love. He's scared the people he cares about will be taken from him. He's scared that he cares too much and that he'll never feel that in return.

Heavy- (When I tell you I struggled on this one) Venetian Blind Man. Okay, I'm not going to lie. This one is more of the style and music than the lyrics. I just think it fits, I really can't explain it.

Medic- Your Body, My Temple, and Yes to Err is Human, So Don't Be One. I think Your Body, My Temple fits him well because this man literally loves the human anatomy. He views the body as a temple, but not in the way like gym bros and fitness bloggers do. No, like this man thinks the human body is something to worship (nonsexual). Also, a lot of connections to people, which is shown in the song and i also think the religious aspect just fits some how. Yes to Err is Human, So Don't Be One is definitely a song that for me captures a sense of eerieness and almost inhumanity in a person, not saying that Medic isn't human or doesn't have humanity but I definitely think he has moments where he forgets about that. He always catches himself, tho. EDIT- JevTheJester let me know that BlackBoxWarrior - OKULTRA also fits Medic, and I agree. I think the upbeat tempo is a great fit, and it fits insanely well! ( The longest description goes to my wife, of course 😮‍💨)

Scout- Tomcat Disposables and Love, Me Normally. Oh boy. Tomcat Disposables just fits him so well. Like I think this man loves his family and home so much and just wants to provide that for a future family. I think he's also just really scared of dying (again)? Because I definitely think on the outside, he's all like cocky and chill about it but on the inside he's so fucking scared. Another mix of being confident and cool on the outside while also being really scared on the inside, but this time it's about getting close to people! Abandonment issues and all that wacky stuff. Give this man a hug pls.

Sniper- Becoming Lastnames. Let's be real. This man has family trauma. He loves his mom to death, but I definitely think his dad was distant, and when he was present, he was very strict and cold. He definitely wants a family he can be a good father/husband to, but he also knows that's probably not possible.

Spy- Cicada Days and I/Me/Myself. Commitment issues and genderfluid? He's just like me fr. (Jokes) I think Cicada Days can represent the times he's actually felt love, but he got scared and left. Specifically with Scout and his mom. I/Me/Myself, I don't think this man knows how he feels about his gender identity and hates it. Like def has internalized a lot of shit, being queer being one of the major ones. (all people who can change appearances at will in media are genderfluid come at me).

Soldier- (I struggled with this one too, ngl.). Morning Announcements. I think it just matches him and upbeat vibe with no really idea behind it.

Pyro- 2econd 2ight 2eer and Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world. This dude definitely has high energy, and I can picture them singing 2econd 2ight 2eer and like really getting into it (if they could actually be understood). Okay, a thought. I can vividly imagine Pyro (if they could be understood). Singing this song with Medic. Both of them actually like the concept of death.

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Ugh, that was a lot. I'm sorry 😭 I really like Will Wood, as I am mentally ill. Thanks again to all of you who make me actually want to post things I think you guys will like <3

#team fortress headcanons #tf2 headcanons #team fortress 2 #tf2 #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 scout #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 pyro #will wood #will wood and the tapeworms #tf2 soldier

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stobinesque · 9 months

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shockingly i have an Actual Question for Jeff is Steve's Bi Awakening AU - how does Jeff feel about being the bi awakening, especially since this has happened with multiple different people now?

Also, on the off chance you've already talked about this and I've missed it, I will happily hear about Stobin Soulmate AU instead because I am SO NOT NORMAL about soulmate AUs :D (or you could always say something about both....... yknow if you want....... please i don't want to sound pushy but also i am so interested in both of these concepts)

you are not being pushy at all!! I am happy to answer both

Jeff:

I think Jeff is mostly baffled?? 😅 Gareth comes out to him and tells him he has a crush and he's just sort of flattered and confused? But also he knows how scary it must be for his friend to come out so he's mostly just doing that awkward straight ally friend of trying to figure out how to be supportive without being overbearing or putting his foot in it. (He's a teenage boy in the 80s, though, so he Definitely Does--it's alright though, it works out.) I don't think he'll necessarily know that he's Lucas and potentially Patrick's bi awakenings. I think with Lucas they mostly bond over being nerdy black boys in rural Indiana, and the sexuality aspect of it kinda takes a backseat.

Except then Steve tells him about his crush and Jeff is like what??? is happening??? Again???? But he and Steve become bros and then it just kinda becomes funny. [Eddie re-comes out to him as bi after flirting with Chrissy and for a split second Jeff is like AGAIN??? before realizing that 1. that makes no sense and 2. he already knew Eddie was into guys]

Stobin Soulmate AU:

I have definitely posted snippets before, but I don't think I've really talked about it yet! The soulmate premise is that you feel your soulmates emotions and injuries throughout your life, and then when you "bond" with your soulmate you're able to share their thoughts. The bonding moment is one of intense emotional trust and connection--i.e. the bathroom scene, for Stobin.

I love soulmate AUs, but I also sometimes struggle with them when they still take place in a world that has homophobia. Because like...if everyone acknowledges that soulmates are an Actual Natural Thing why the fuck is homophobia still around?? So this one is also gonna kinda be a deconstruction of the trope, in which soulmates are actually kind of rare, and carry a kind of stigma with them (people with soulmates are essentially viewed as being "broken" and "incomplete"). Robin also knows she's queer, so she spends most of the fic assuming her soulmate is a girl.

Also due to the nature of the soulmate premise a lot of the early bits of the fic explore how confusing it is to not really be able to reliably pick apart your own emotions from someone else's.

The fic is from Robin's POV fic and will start with baby!Robin, and run through the events of 4. For seasons 1 and 2 she remains an outsider to the Upside Down plot, but keeps feeling herself drawn to Steve Harrington for Some Reason (she convinces herself she's actually being drawn to Nancy for a bit). Also every time her soulmate gets injured Steve comes back to school with a black eye? Weird. Also what the fuck is going on between Steve, Nancy and Jonathan? (This fic somehow developed background Stoncy when I wasn't looking.)

By the time Season 3 rolls around Robin is just Fully In Denial about Steve being her soulmate, because it just doesn't make any sense. Sure is weird that her soulmate seems to be having a pretty emotionally identical summer to her, though! What a coincidence!

This fic is currently sitting in a metaphorical drawer to stew because it is very messy and I've got a lot of other WIPs going on, but it does live really close to my heart so I am definitely planning to come back to it.

also tagging @blueskiesandstarrynights bc this soulmate AU is also my (eventual) stobin mindmeld fic!

#read writes #jeff is steve's bi awakening au #stobin soulmate au #tag game #charlie 💜

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fruitysalamander1398 · 11 months

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the thing about nick is that he has to tie his sense of self to other things, it's something he feels can easily slip through his fingers. his grasp on reality is tenuous at best and by the end of the film his personhood has been slowly eroded away in his desperate attempts to hide from himself. his self-abnegation is so extreme that he, in the last moments of his life, feels he has no self to come back to at all. he mirrors the people around him because he thinks it's his job to be a blank canvas upon which other people may project their own desires, a malleable shadow of a person who exists to avoid all conflict. the idea of not being that, of making definitive choices or finding a stronger sense of identity is too frightening for him and ultimately the only real decision he makes is that he doesn't want to make any more decisions. he doesn't believe he can change or learn how to live outside of his head where things have real meaning or actions have real consequences. because he is cowardly. and he refuses to give himself the chance to find his voice.

nick loves the mountains and the forest because they provide an escape and because you can hide in them/ get lost in them. he likes peaceful, stable things because his own inner world is chaotic, unpredictable and hostile to him, a person ruled by emotion and impulse who desires somewhere he can feel grounded and secure. nature is reliable, the seasons change at the same cycle every year, nocturnal birds will always be outside at the same time, the rock formations and mountains have been the same for thousands of years. this also is part of why he adores mike so much. i think when they are at home it's more about how mike keeps nick tethered or grounded. i don't always think "safe" as in protected from danger but moreso safe as in like, comfortable, someone he can feel like he can be vulnerable around etc. and with the way nick feels about himself and how he naturally is a less grounded perosn i think he needs that stabilizing aspect even in a much lower stakes situation than something like pow roulette.

i think nick knows that when he stands up to mike that mike will take it seriously and value what he says. and i think also, take the mountaintop scene for instance. nick is generally quiet in that scene unless someone else talks to him. but when he's alone with mike it's like he feels like it's okay to say whatever he wants or to start sentences and not really know where he's going with them. i think mike is so stabilizing for him in that he knows he'll always be mike's favorite and he can always feel secure around mike. and even at home he needs someone to help him feel safe and grounded bc it's sort of the thing where he can't always find words. mike helps him be okay with that. he loves how mike can be a mean girl but never to him. mike just makes him feel tethered to the real world.

#sorry for having long winded thoughts about nick it will happen again #the deer hunter

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aldryrththerainbowheart · 3 months

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With Larian not giving us Aasimar as a playable race anytime soon (for good reasons tbh) here are my headcanons about Aasimar Tav

Aasimar are often called the opposites to tiefling, but they're sharing one important aspect - both are outsiders. While tieflings are branded by the actions of their ancestors, their lives are largely their own to live. Aasimar are not only marked by their divine heritage, but they are directed by angels to achieve some part of a divine plan.

This tension between free and divine will can form a struggle for your Tav. They can either rebel against the demands placed on them or embrace them and be living weapon for the divine. Struggle similar to Dark Urge in many ways.

How will other companions react to Aasimar!Tav?

Wyll would probably be looking up to you as an ultimate hero, fawning at your every word an action, only to get disappointed when he realized that even as a chosen of gods Tav is still human, with flaws and mistakes. Does he not realize your fate choosen by the gods is just as stifling as his infernal contract?

Gale would probably be thrilled to have such fabled creature in his party, studying like a bug under the looking glass.

What if your celestial guide ordered you to kill Karlach?

What if the god that chose you was Selune? How would Shadowheart react to that?

What if Astarion would be so sure you'll smite him down he'll be terrified of you, never even trying to bite you in the first place?

Speaking of Astarion drinking your blood, what would it be like drinking Aasimar blood? Would he burn himself, or would the tadpole prevent it like it did with sunlight? What if after tasting Aasimar!Tav's blood gets swept by such unearthly euphoria he becomes addicted?

Evil-coded characters like Raphael and Mizora treat Tav with obvious disgust. Alternatively evil aligned creatures hunt Tav as a trophy.

The central emotional conflict for Aasimar!Tav comes from their divine imperative to Do Good and their own fallibility and mortal desires and vices. This can take an interesting course within the storyline of Baldur's Gate 3. Can you fulfill your divine mission and romance the companions, have a family with them?

Karlach and Aasimar!Tav burning each other simultaneously.

What role does Aasimar!Tav takes in the story?

Writer's can make Aasimar!Tav born to stop the game's Big Bad OR they can make Aasimar!Tav whose destiny is never really made clear, whose guide is largely unhelpful or so removed from the reality of the material plane that their advice is useless. And what happens if your Tav would rather be a potter or painter than a champion of all that is Good and Holy™?

Volo’s Guide mentions that many conceal their identities as the forces of evil are inevitably drawn to them eager for a chance to cut them down. Would companion's approval depend on whether they stay in your party or not after Tav reveals they're Aasimar? The game could make player choose whether they reveal it or not just like with Astarion's vampirism.

This also brings up an interesting point for further storyline in which Tav's identity was betrayed, or they learn that the world is eager to destroy them. What happened that made Tav decide their life – which was celebrated at birth – must be one of concealment and hiding?

Another point I want to make is that several sources state that being an Aasimar is a lonely existence. Many don't even perceive them as a race with how scarce their numbers are. Another source stated that Aasimar could live a whole life without meeting another of their own.

Unlike angels and some gods, being good is a daily choice for mortals. This can wear on an Aasimar!Tav as they live a life of constant battle against evil. What is the point, they may wonder, of all of this? Why was I forced to fight a war I have no stake in?

Fallen aasimar are specified as turning to evil, but I think this may be a too simple. It’s not like every aasimar who questions their role in the divine plan decides to murder puppies for a living. Rather, those who deny their gods-appointed quest are the ones who reject their divine heritage and lose their divine light, replacing it with shadow. I could go as far as presume that romancing companions like Karlach, Shadowheart, Astarion or even transformed Wyll would anger your god.

#baldur's gate #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 lore #aasimar #dnd lore #dnd races #baldrus gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 tav #baldur's gate 3 races #aasimar!tav #aasimar!tav x karlach #aasimar!tav x wyll #aasimar!tav x gale #aasimar!tav x astarion #bg3 tav #baldurs gate tav

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thelostgirl21 · 2 years

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Alec Happy Cat Lightwood...

If you listen close enough, you can probably hear him purr...

At this point, if you told me that he used to be one of Magnus' cats in a past life, I'd be tempted to believe you!

Great! As I'm writing this, my brain literally has to come up with the utterly insane scenario of one of Magnus' cats falling in love with him (blame it on those gorgeous cat eyes and feline body language that they can read so well!) and deciding that, in their next life, they're coming back as something more compatible!

They just don't have a choice regarding what type of (half) human-blooded creature they'll return as in the Shadow World, and so they wind up being a male Shadowhunter with no memories of their past life.

That would be such a crack fic!

And would take Alec's pure instinctive delight when he saw Magnus' cat eyes for the first time to a whole other level if some part of him still connects with his previous life on a subconscious level, at least.

More seriously, though... I have so many questions...

Like...

What was the description of that scene in the script, or the direction they gave him on this scene?

Is rubbing his head on pillows post-lovemaking like that something that Alec typically does?

If so, what was Magnus' (inner) reaction first time he saw it happen?

If not... Has he gotten so used to Magnus' cat eyes that he's now instinctively compensating for the sudden missing feline aspect of their sexy times together?

Did Magnus ever come to the conclusion that Alec Lightwood is essentially the human Shadowhunter version of a cat?

I mean...

He's got a slender, strong body with long, agile limbs.

He's a deadly and silent predator that moves gracefully in the shadows, and seems perfectly at ease in his environment.

He will hang out alone on the roof, balcony, or just outside the window to sulk and/or process things...

... and get off that roof by jumping and landing on his feet (with the help of a rune, obviously).

He doesn't like to be touched, or even leisurely spend time with other people, except by, or with, a very select few people that he deeply trusts.

And obviously, only if he's in the right mood for it.

As a result, friends and family never exactly know what to expect when approaching him...

Is he going to hiss at them, turn around, and proudly leave while pretending they and their issues don't exist?

Silently stare at them while plotting his next murder?

Or spontaneously go in for a hug and cuddles?

He likes to pretend he's doing fine on his own and will get easily annoyed if he feels like you're constantly checking on him and smothering him with attention...

... but will be the first to freak out and go on a hunt to find you if you ignore him and his requests or go suddenly missing too long.

Yeah, apparently he could do just fine without you one moment, but won't be able to live without you the next! It's a struggle!

He'll just sniff the breakfast you brought him in bed, and touch and observe the food without eating it if he's unhappy you woke him up or interrupted something he'd rather be doing...

Basically, Magnus Bane himself is a great big cat that likes cats, understands cats, knows how to gain a cat's trust (no matter their efforts to pretend they're not interested in interacting with you... while nevertheless contradicting that statement by periodically coming to scratch at your door...), and Alec Lightwood is apparently a large Shadowhunter-shaped cat.

I mean, look at him! I'm thinking either Magnus isn't paying attention because he's totally used to it (which would answer one of my questions...); or he's not noticing because he's just stuck in his identity crisis and unable to focus on the present...

... including the big cuddly kitten next to him that, BTW, looks so upset later when Magnus suddenly gets up from the bed before he has a chance to reach out for him and get a few more cuddles out of him.

Which brings us back to square one!

I've really got so many questions about this...

#Malec #Alec Lightwood #Magnus Bane #Alexander Lightwood #Shadowhunters #the mortal instruments #Alec Cat Lightwood #Be it #Alec Happy Cat Lightwood #or #Alec Grumpy Cat Lightwood #Alec is apparently always a Cat Lightwood #My posts #My thoughts #My stuff

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vegalocity · 1 year

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Can we get more of the Animorph/LMK au pretty please

Anon,

Where do you want me to start?

Let's start wiiiittthhhh Ax-man, bc he's like my favorite addition to the LMK world for this AU, better than both Vissers, better than Elfangor being MK's Biodad (I mentioned that before, right?) Best Boy Aximili:

So for the sake of not being the Team Child since this AU kind of sidesteps the whole 'child soldiers' aspect of Animorphs, Ax is roughly the same age as Xiaotian and Xiaojiao, He's still an Aristh but so was Elfangor around this time.

That said... Ax is doing like, WAY worse in this AU, He's unable to be in Andalite form outside of like, Xiaotian's apartment and Flower Fruit Mountain, so he needs to feed himself and do most work in his human form, so it's kind of messing with his self image and leaving himw ith some fun new identity issues

But onto the fun stuff, dyamics:

Aximili and Xiaotian get on like a house on fire. Ax's curiosicty combined with MK's chaotic energy lead them to a lot of schenanigans involving introducing Ax to Earth customs. MK was the one that introduced him to bubble tea and will refuse to ever regret it no matter how many times they come home with Ax hopped up on 'Meelk Tee Globules'. Since Ax's human morph is based on MK's DNA they look like twins, and they play that up, Ax's 'Human' Name is Qi Aximili and if anyone asks they say it's an American name their parents were wierd.

Aximili has some very fun conversations with Tang over everything. As we all know one of tang's character quirks is being kind of a total Know-it-all which can be annoying if everyone he's mansplaining to already know all of his factoids, but Ax knows nothing about Earth Mythology and History and Literature and happily listens.Tang now makes jokes about Aximili being his favorite child because he's the one that LISTENS

Speaking of adoption tho Pigsy took one look at this lost barely-an-adult a soldier in a war that started long before he was born and said 'well i guess he's mine now' Pigsy is the one doing the primary amount of Ax-rearing, forcing him to spit out the cigarettes or motor oil he stuffs in his mouth for the taste, and is the one mainly trying to get him to pronounce words properly without toying with the sounds they make. They get along well enough but Pigsy's always caught between treating him like he just does with MK and Mei and treating him like a FAR younger child, and that CAN be a little wierd to navigate sometimes.

Sandy has the least amount of interaction with Aximili, as is common with Sandy and his more introverted nature, they get along pretty well and Ax DOES like Tea and is in the process of figuring out which of his cats would be the best to Aquire for stealth missions. Mo keeps trying to get him to Aquire him

SWK is Ax's Prince, he refers to him as "Prince Monkey King" And doesn't understand why everyone sort of chuckles when he does so. As any loyal Aristh is to his prince, Aximili is loyal and a hard worker, He's strikingly common a sight on Flower Fruit Mountain, primarily when he NEEDS to not be in constant human morph he'll morph a bird or a bug and either fly himself or hitch a ride on MK over. He's currently very interested in learning to fight in his human morph. Wukong isn't QUITE sure what to do about Ax most of the time, and while he is very charming and his wierd Alien body is very cute, he's... a lot more different than he's used to. they're still figruing out their rhythm.

Red Son becomes a part of the main team before too long and he and Ax have a very fun Tech Rivalry (they also both have this with Syntax when he ends up in the group) where Red Son is trying to be impressive and Ax is being an Andalite Tech snob like 'oh thats cute Andalites were doing that centuries ago' as if he himself has any idea how half his own tech works. He doesn't fake unimpressed when Red shows off his magitech equipment though, the one thing Earthlings have on any other species is Magic (for now, but send me another ask for spoilers on THAT lmao) It's part of why the Yeerks want demon hosts so badly, and Ax is fully sincerely VERY impressed with Red's Power Gauntlet. Red uses almost exclusively Magitech around Ax before too long. he likes the praise.

And finally his relationship with Xiaojiao is very warm indeed. Mei was actually the one to coin the term 'Animorph' in this AU for them to call the shapeshifting Team (Herself, Ax, MK, Pigsy, Tang, and Wukong are the 'Andalite Bandits' in all of this) and she's MORE than stoked to have a new alien Bestie. She's just as much a crazy enabler as MK but she's also more likely to pull back before there's TOO much chaos, and they've spent many a night in her apartment, just... processing. They both take on a lot of stuff they don't tell others about but i think game recognizes game in that way and they both get very aggresively 'NO DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME LET ME HELP YOU' until they both ended up curled up on the floor in Mei's bedroom crying and processing their trauma together after big missions and such. In Mei, Aximili sees no small part of Elfangor, but also the firey spirit of a War Prince in the making that would make any Andalite proud to serve under her, stigma against girls in the military or not. And in Ax, i think Mei sees a sort of... not 'innocence' not something that makes her feel like she needs to protect him like she needs to protect MK, but something that makes her want to always be there to watch his back. Like Besties, but... different. She wondered aloud if Ax's people had a word for someone closer than a friend, and he described an Andalite word, the word they use for their tailblades, the idea being this person is someone you hold in such a regard that they could hold their tailblade to your throat and you would trust that they would not hurt you.

Shorm.

They're Shorm.

#Ax and Xiaojiao are endgame btw #it's called Spacerace and it's one of TWO ships i am fully down for #lmk Au #Animorphs #Monkie kid #VIllain swap au #Animorphs AU #aximili esgarrouth isthill #long xiaojiao #Qi Xiaotian #LMK Pigsy #LMK Tang #LMK Red Son #LMK Sandy #LMK Sun Wukong #I definitely haven't taken throwing a fully untested character into the main group dynamic lightly #I made sure Ax would FIT IN #I have a colored version of that pic and i'm gonna upload it

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magnuficentwo · 10 months

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4, 8, 9, 12, 13 :3

Hellooooo :3 [ask game in question !]

4- Do you know any disabled people irl ? What about online ?

I know at least like 2 or so people in my school who are physically disabled, and most of my friend group is some flavour of neurodivergent anyway. I don't have a lot of chances to get out there on my own accounts as it currently is unfortunately so my sample group is very small </3. As for online, yeah there's definetly a lot more there ! Shoutout to all my disabled homies I love u

8- Does your disability affect how you experience other parts of your identity ?

Boy does it ever (/silly). Pretty much all aspects of my life are affected by my neurodivergence (Mainly autism/OCD) and chronic fatigue, but I think the part that this shows through the most is with my culture. For a long time, I thought I was embarrassed of my culture and how I interacted with it in my day to day life, but as it turns out, it was never really my heritage's fault. I am straight up just Built Different and can't interact with it the intended way (+ americanization is a very real thing kids).

For an example, Brazil is LOUD. It is VERY loud. Music, politics, even just regular conversations about whatever, people are loud just as a default. This makes things hard to navigate for me, someone who has audio processing issues. I have to account for every little sound that people make whenever I go out because I genuinely will start getting so overwhelmed I will get physically ill. And this is just like, another part of my life you know ? I find I do better whenever I have a distraction like headphones or my phone, so I'll always have those in clutch with me.

Queerness is another thing i feel like messes me up. Being autistic generally means I have a pretty nebulous idea of what everything is, and my queer experience is just another one of those things. But ultimately, knowing I have full control over what happens to my identity and labels and everything is just super comforting, as someone who isn't very used to being in control of things yk ? I define what each of these things mean to me and that makes it way way easier :]

9- How do you measure your energy ?

I like the battery the most !!! One because it makes me feel like a cool robot, and two because it feels more concrete. Its like put that beast on a number scale

12- What's something people don't realize about your disability ?

I gotta be honest here, it's very much how much people will underestimate how the disability affects my behavior.

I'm pretty open about being autistic, and I do try my best to explain to people about the Chronic Fatigue stuff, but they'll just like. Most of the time ignore the fact I've told them about it ? And just treat me the Exact Same as everyone else. Don't get me wrong ! I don't want to be different ! I'm a person just like you ! But you guys *do need* to acknowlege I have very severe differences to you that will seem odd if you have no context for them. People have called me "mean" and "too literal" for not understanding cues before. People have called me lazy and entitled for not being able to participate in certain activities like everyone else before. And it's just another one of those things ! It's kind of a cycle in a way, where I have to explain myself for behaviors everyone is very aware I do, but never want to remember why.

I didn't mean to get venty lol. Anyway be nice to disabled people about issues that are VERY LITERALLY outside their control challenge

13 - What's the most Able Person Thing someone has ever said to you ?

Luckily, I mask well enough so that people don't usually bug me about my shit, but I've heard people say some genuinely baffling stuff before. My mom's side of the family especially.

My uncle has an autistic kid. She's nonverbal, often walking on her tiptoes, pale as they come– Poster child of "visible autism" pretty much. And he Does Not like that at ALL. He'll often complain about her behaviors and how she repeatedly does things after he tells her not to, plus some other ableist bullshit. Well, one beautiful day, I am playing with her while everyone's talking and eating. He looks over at us, and says something along the lines of "Wow [Mael], you and [Kids Name] really get along ! I'd almost think YOU were autistic by how well you can play with her !" And I just........stared for a second. Like yeah, you're not wrong, but GENUINELY what does that mean !!!!!!!!!!

#ask game #audience participation #beloved mutuals tag <3 #magoriginals #txt #long post

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jaykensteinn · 2 years

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Sun/Moon x GN!Reader Coming Out As Polyamorous

! HEADCANONS !

Sun

incredibly supportive ( as usual <3 )

heard about it before and would consider himself poly as well, but would most likely only share with Moon for a while at least

absolutely in love with you no matter what

always does research

always asks questions ( if you feel up to it ofc )

makes a list of reasons he loves you if you feel insecure or scared about your identity

customizes your nametag with colors from the flag

if you're interested in someone he will 100% help you build up courage to tell them and reassure you that he doesn't mind

will help you come up with date ideas for other partners

will gush about you with other partners

if you don't want any other partners aside from him and/or Moon, that's okay!, he'll still be just as supportive

" oh, sunshine, i'll always love you just as you are! Let's go make some goodies to celebrate! <3 I'm so proud of you for telling me sunbeam <3 "

Moon

might not be seen as an affectionate "person" but will definitely tell you how much he adores you and offers his support

will help you write love letters/songs about other partners

if you wrote a song he'd definitely sing it with you

would be anxious/scared if you were interested in someone that isn't him ( or Sun ) but with some reassurance, some extra cuddles and some time it'd get better

if someone you were interested in worked at the plex he'd help plan/setup dates

if you ever felt bad or ashamed of your identity he'd tell you that it's okay and even if other people don't understand he'll think you're amazing and valid no matter what ( not without scaring the people who insult you, if they're at the plex, he's just protective and hates seeing you hurt/upset )

if you don't want more partners ( for personal reasons or otherwise ) he'll still validate your identity regularly

he'll leave you plushies of him ( and Sun ) with sticky notes attached with different doodles that are only colored with the poly flag colors

he'd for sure somehow get clothes from outside the plex and dye them and make you your own poly merch and if you wear it to work one day he'd be ecstatic! but if you're not comfortable with that ( yet ) and just wear it at home he'd understand and be just as happy knowing you like what he made and knows you're loved

" I love you starlight. I know that and I know, no matter how many partners you have, you'll love all of us and be an amazing partner as you've always been <3 "

A/N: another self indulgent post! this took like a week and a few days but here it is!!! :D

I know a lot of people make posts about them or their oc being with Sun AND Moon but I just thought it'd be nice to have some more specific attention and detail to the poly aspects of it all but also I wanted to rep myself and other polyamorous people <3

hope you guys enjoy! :)

#writing #poly #fnaf #fnaf sb #sundrop #fnaf sundrop #sundrop fluff #moondrop #moondrop fluff #sundrop and moondrop #sundrop x reader #moondrop x reader #headcanon #fnaf moondrop #polyamourous #security breach #fnaf security breach

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moririki · 3 years

Text

⤷ AN EIGHT-LEGGED PROBLEM

OIKAWA TOORU & SAKUSA KIYOOMI & HAIBA LEV & MIYA ATSUMU X READER -> 1.8K you save your boyfriend from a massive problem which is currently in the corner of your bathroom )

REQUEST -> n/a CONTAINS -> spiders, bugs, you picking up said creepy crawlies, hq boys being no! help! at! all! (but that's ok bc we love them for it), fanon-ish sakusa cos i haven't read the manga and he had like 5 seconds of screen time so i'm just going off of what i've read + seen, clear favouritism despite the fact that i know basically nothing about sakusa, manga timeskip spoilers in sakusa's MORI'S THOUGHTS -> haven't seen one where the reader is the one in the relationship who takes care of bugs so since i'm a #girlboss who throws spiders out of my room whenever i see them without breaking a sweat i'm writing that into a fun lil thing with the haikyuu boys that i strongly believe are scared of bugs. also besides the point but look at the pretty colour palette that their banners make fjfjfjdj will go back to writing the requests after this! inspiration just struck

❍ OIKAWA TOORU

-> omg this fucking guy

-> don't let his pride fool you this man HATES bugs with a burning passion

-> he'll never admit it though

-> between you and the aoba johsai team he would never hear the end of how the great king oikawa would cower at the sight of a moth doing laps around a lightbulb

-> so when you pretended not to hear the shriek that left your boyfriend when he saw something flying around the bathroom light and he declined your offer to get rid of the moth for him, this left oikawa in a pretty difficult situation

-> it was just him alone in the bathroom, trying to brush his teeth while eyeing the bug warily

-> you came in a few minutes later, getting ready to go to bed as well

-> "you know, babe, that moth's been there for quite a while," you teased him

-> oikawa hummed in response, his eyes never leaving it as it continued its circumnavigation of the light fixture

-> "oh, you know. who am i to kick someone out of their home? i'm no monster"

-> you almost snorted at how poor of an excuse that was, but ruffled your boyfriend's hair anyway

-> "i'll take care of it, ru, you just finish getting ready"

-> "but y/n-chan, that moth has feelings! don't be mean to it!"

-> you gave tooru a very blank stare at that

-> "so do you want me to leave you alone with your new friend?"

-> "......no"

-> "that's what i thought"

-> you went up to the moth, managing to trap it in your hands before releasing it from a window

-> oikawa shuddered as you came back to the sink, giving your hands a quick rinse before resuming with brushing your teeth like nothing had happened

-> "you're so brave, my love"

-> "anything for you, babe"

❍ SAKUSA KIYOOMI

-> bless this poor boy

-> so it's no secret that sakusa isn't the fondest of germs

-> and that extends to bugs and spiders too

-> besides a normal amount of disgust that he held for them, the thought of where the insects had been or placed one of their many feet on never failed to make his skin crawl

-> that's where you, his wonderful significant other, comes in

-> as much as he loves you, he just can't understand how you always stared at bugs with wonder in your eyes

-> you'd even pick them up, cooing at the way they crawled up your arm while sakusa just stared at you in disbelief with a can of bug spray in hand

-> tonight was one of those swelteringly hot summer nights

-> you know, the ones where the air seems to be still no matter how many windows you open and every insect in a mile radius is actively trying to enter your home

-> you were spending the night at your boyfriend's apartment, ready to have a relaxing night in with him since your schedules had finally synced up and allowed you both to enjoy a day off at the same time

-> it took months of trust before sakusa finally admitted to you how much he enjoyed doing skincare

-> so whenever you two spent the night together, you decided to start the evening with some face masks and idle binging of a tv show

-> against his half-hearted protests, you had insisted that sakusa wore a headband while this happened (one that had a very cute duck face printed on it)

-> just to keep the curls out of his face, of course

-> whenever he caught you sneaking a candid of him with facemask and duck headband on, he just shot you a halfhearted glare and threatened you to never send that to atsumu or the rest of the msby team

-> (you set it as your home screen instead)

-> anyways, i digress

-> so tonight you decided to cool down from the heat with a few facemasks and cuddling in your boyfriend's heavily air conditioned living room

-> but he kept all his skincare stuff in the bathroom, so you went to go get them as he set up a show to watch along with some snacks

-> you flicked on the light, going to his cabinet when something in the corner of the room caught your eye

-> there was a fairly large spider, desperately trying to crawl up the smooth tile wall

-> you decided to take pity on it and release it

-> but when you had it cupped safely in your hands, you decided to terrorise your poor boyfriend just a little

-> "hey, omi, look what i found!"

-> your boyfriend perked up at your signature nickname for him, though his eyes narrowed as he saw your clasped hands held in front of you

-> "no"

-> "but baby, you haven't even seen-"

-> "no"

-> you giggled at how defensive he had become

-> "come on, don't you want to name it? it's very cute"

-> "i want you to throw it out, y/n"

-> "alright, alright"

-> you took the spider to a window, releasing it back outside before heading back to the bathroom and grabbing a few masks for real this time

-> sakusa gave you the cold shoulder as you sat down next to him, humming as you gave him a face mask and putting it on without a word

-> "aww, baby, i'm sorry"

-> "..."

-> "i'll give you a head massage if you stop ignoring me?"

-> sakusa turned to you, his eyes narrowed in thought as he stared you down

-> the act soon broke, though, and he smiled against the sheet mask that was on his face

-> "it better be a good one," he huffed as he tugged the duck headband off, already sighing at the sensation of your fingers against his scalp

-> "omi, come on, what do you take me for?"

❍ HAIBA LEV

-> ngl lev gives off equal amounts of being terrified of like the tiniest spider or just finding bugs insanely cool vibes

-> it's funnier to imagine this 6-foot-something guy scramble away from a fucking crane fly in terror though so this is how it's going to play out

-> when you invited your giant of a boyfriend to your flat, you didn't anticipate just how small he made everything appear

-> he even towered in your doorway, having to stoop to step through into your hall

-> "woahh, i love your place!"

-> it was his first time staying over for the night, and lev was making sure to drink in every aspect of your interior design

-> you found it sweet of him, and watched as he stared in wide-eyed wonder at the little trinkets you had collected over the years to make your small apartment seem more like a home

-> you didn't expect him to scream at the top of his lungs and practically run back to you, though

-> you jumped at the sound, watching as he scrambled away from your lamp and pointed back at it with a shaking finger

-> you squinted at it, making out the very menacing form of a crane fly as it bumped into the lampshade and continued on its path

-> "lev, you big baby," you giggled, heading to the kitchen to grab a glass and trap it

-> "y/n, don't leave me alone with it!" he yelped, and you rolled your eyes at his antics

-> you came back, smoothly capturing the insect and throwing it out of a nearby window

-> lev was sat on your couch the whole time, hands covering his eyes as he curled in a ball

-> "is it gone?" he asked, and you you giggled at how childlike he was acting at the moment

-> "it's all good, baby" you smoothed his hair and lev gratefully leaned into your touch, a sigh of relief leaving him

-> "thank you, y/n"

-> "i'll get rid of all the bugs in the world for you, lev"

❍ MIYA ATSUMU

-> gives off the vibes that he used to eat bugs as a child i'm sorry but

-> have mercy on his soul lmao

-> so twins are supposed to be identical right?

-> anyone who spends more than a few minutes around the miya twins know that that's a complete fucking lie

-> and you've had the misfortune of being friends with them for a very long time

-> like your mums were friends and you were all born around the same time

-> you've been pulled into their shit before you could walk or talk

-> so you're well aware of just how different these mfs are

-> even though they were both absolute bastards, osamu always had a slightly more mellowed out approach which would always end up with atsumu getting the blame for what they got up to

-> especially as a child, osamu loved to terrorise his twin with the unwilling help of you

-> one of the ways was through osamu exploiting one of his twins' fears

-> that being bugs and spiders

-> he always cackled at the sight of atsumu screaming and trying to run away from him due to the spider he was holding

-> as they both grew up, this became less of a frequent thing for osamu to do

-> you also somehow started dating atsumu, but nobody could exactly pinpoint a moment that signified a beginning to your relationship

-> but since you're dating the world's biggest manchild in disguise, and osamu gets annoyed with atsumu quite easily, you would have to swoop in to rescue him from time to time

-> recently the twins had been getting a little snappy with each other, and it had yet to sort itself out

-> from what you had heard your boyfriend was in the wrong this time, but you still listened to him whine and rant about it

-> you were going to the inarizaki school gym to say hi to your boyfriend and best friend before practice started, only to see absolute chaos unfolding

-> with kita yet to arrive, the twins were effectively unleashed and that much was clear with the way atsumu was practically screaming his head off as he ran around the gym

-> your eyes took in the rest of the players- aran had his head in his hands, suna was snickering with his phone out to record the newest miya twin fight, and osamu's deranged laugh could be heard above everything else as he chased his brother, hand held out in front of him

-> only one thing was capable of making atsumu scream like that, so you already knew what was happening

-> atsumu quickly spotted you hovering in the doorway, and made a beeline to where you were

-> his eyes were panicked, and you were quick to wrap him in a hug as you shot osamu a nasty glare over his shoulder

-> literally this lmfao

-> "that's enough, 'samu"

-> your best friend paused, before a smile spread across his face as he dangled the centipede in front of him

-> "you know it was rubber, right?"

-> you felt your boyfriend tense in your arms and you bit your lip to stifle a small giggle

-> but at least they would be back to normal by the end of today

back to the menu - ,, 🕷 ·˚ ༘ ꒱

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autistic-ace-bee · 2 years

Note

so this oc is going to be in the magic school and his power is cloning, he can make copies of himself and each copy has it's own personality which is a part of him, the more he creates copies the more specific and less complex its personality will be, he'll also lose that part of him as long as the copy is still there

and what I'm going to do is make him like make many copies of himself and take out everything he doesn't like like he can create hundreds to remove every single thing he does that he doesn't want to be part of himself, he wants to make himself perfect yk and if he can't do that then at least take the "bad" parts of him out and make himself perfect that way

the cloning guy also has a twin sister who can change her looks into anyone, but while she's that person the person she becomes is suspended in animation so she's really them

and she has a thing where she becomes someone for a while to see how their life is and it's like when she's bored she can become that person

and there's going to be a small arc where the person she becomes has a toxic family and she has a horrible time being them and when she goes back into her real form and the person stops being in suspended animation they know what she did and they're going to be like

"I was happy when I was suspended animation, not being with my family" and stuff because their life is bad and they as her if she thinks other peoples lives are a joke to her, just some kind of entertainment she can stop and do when she pleases, and she gets like an eye-opener from that and doesn't want to use her power anymore.

okay my first impression is that the cloning highkey sounds like compartmentalisation or even dissociative identity disorder, although typically in a system alters have different identities rather than just different personalities. I can see how this kind of power could be very useful as a coping mechanism or even just for daily use although its use would invariably be seen as maladaptive by a clinical psychology perspective. I can certainly understand how he would come to use his powers in an attempt to better himself though, as likely I would also try to separate out the aspects of my personality that inconvenience me - things like anxiety, sadness, indecisiveness, submissiveness, etc. I think it would be interesting to explore how the separation of his personalities ends up leaving him feeling dissociated, which is a common feeling people get when they try, either consciously or subconsciously, to disconnect their thoughts, feelings or external environment. It can be a very jarring feeling, making you feel like you're living behind a glass wall, or like you're floating or lagging behind yourself. Everyone's experience with dissociation is different, but it could be interesting to explore from the perspective of someone who can physically separate out aspects of themself as though sifting through sand.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by suspended in animation, since she takes their place. But I really like how you have her take the place of someone who is at odds with their life, and prefers to let her take control so they can take a break. It's interesting how her power is on the other side of dissociation - while her brother's power will likely cause him to become dissociated, her power will likely cause others to become dissociated, due to taking their place and leaving them 'suspended in animation' which could be likened to that floaty feeling i previously mentioned, as well as some dissociative expereines which involve 'feeling like you're viewing your life from outside your body'

overall, very interesting powers and character arcs you have going here! Idk if it was intentional, but I really like that their powers both involve that element of dissociation! =^-^=

#tw dissociation #dissociation #morris my beloved <3

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verobatto · 5 years

Text

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XXVIII)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Remember me

(7x17)

Hello my dears!! Well... Welcome to this volume and I'm so happy because CAS IS BACK! 👏👏

And the most beautiful of all is ... Sera ... She had to write it. She had to write Castiel coming back and not just that, she being a Bro-only Stan, had to make it VERY VERY DESTIEL. And she made a great job. Thank you Serita.

Okay! I want to say thanks to my friend @agusvedder she made the gifs for this meta and discussed the scenes with me.

Well, what are we waiting for? Let's talk about Destiel.

Cas! You're back! But wait.. who's she?

We are going to talk just about episode 7x17 The Born Again Identity... Because it has a lot of Destiel on it, and we need an entire meta for that.

Remember my last chronicle, Dean was in bad shape, depressed and suicidal because Castiel was gone? Okay... Keep that in mind, and watch this reaction when Dean finds Castiel...

He was mourning Cas, and Bobby, and his brother was about to die too, and suddenly, he found his faith back, his best friend, that person who changed his entire existence, was alive. In front of his eyes. So yeah, in Dean's face we can see the shock.

But then, the happiness to find his friend vanished, because Castiel doesn't remember him, and worst. He's married!

The whole scene in Daphne's place is very heartbreaking for Dean.

Do we need to repeat the similitude between Dean and Daphne, the similarities in their names and the green eyes and light brown hair? Because that something very known in the fandom, so yes.

Now... This will be a travel through Dean sad facial expressions... First of all, when Emmanuel presents Daphne as his wife... Dean's face is like...

"Your wife, right."

Dean is shocked, and sad, and confused. Cas has a wife? My Cas? When this happened? And he can't remember me?

And then, the hand shake as if they were strangers, another daga in Dean's heart...

He's trying to swallow Cas doesn't remember, he's like disoriented, and even so, Cas is watching him with his typical questioning eyes. Is Cas feeling he knows this man from somewhere? Or is just curious about Dean's awkward reaction.

And I can't stop noticing the tremble in Dean's lips before articulate any word on these two gifs... Jensen played it deliciously. The nervousness, the pain and the confusion in his eyes, the brokenheart.

The name Emmanuel means the God's sent one. Cas was sent to save Sam this time?

But... The thing is... Dean is still in shock, and when he had to make some conversation in the car with Emmanuel he just threw the matter that got him in awe (and nervous, and mad, and heartbroken... Remember Jeffrey in episode 15 when the demon came back... But possesed another man? Well this is the parallel I told you... Who's she, Cas?)

DEAN: So, Daphne – is that, uh, your wife?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: She found me and cared for me.

DEAN: Meaning?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Oh, it's a...strange story. You may not like it.

DEAN: Believe me, I will.

So yes, Dean is intrigued... But hurted too, there's a pause between naming Dahpne and your wife, and is the first thing he wants to speak about with CAS. Is something that's bothering him. And also he wants to know how is that Cas is alive. (I just wanted to point here... When they're in the car talking, outside the windows, there's green and blue lights passing by only... Destiel coded color... Sigh...)

When Emmanuel said it's a strange story, and maybe Dean wouldn't like it, Dean is very sure he needs to know badly what happened to his Cas that ended like this...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: A few months ago, she was hiking by the river, and I wandered into her path, drenched and confused, and... unclothed. I had no memory. She said... God wanted her to find me.

DEAN: So who named you Emmanuel?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Bouncybabynames.com.

DEAN: Well, it's working for you. Must be weird not knowing who you are.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Well, it's my life. And it's a good life.

So maybe knowing Emmanuel name meaning, Dean said it works for you. Because Castiel is an angel. But... Keeping the "identity" topic, Dean had his issues still with Cas, his grudges... and he can't talk about it with him, because Castiel doesn't remember what he did. So yes, Dean needs to say something about those grudges he has with Cas, so he said this...

What if you were... A bad guy?

Why is Dean asking this? Because he needs to get something in return. You were bad with us, Cas.

Even if Cas tried to apologize before he died, Dean couldn't heal that wound. Because it was Cas.

And Emmanuel answer is similar to what Cas thought was doing right... I feel I'm a good person. Of course he is. He did everything thinking he was doing right. Till everything went wrong.

Dean can't forget what Cas did to him

We're in one very angsty point here. This chat in the car, is Dean trying so hard to not explode with these so many months of suffering and ruminating his best friend (and something else) betrayal. And his lost. And now he's there, with him. But he can't discuss, or talk, or threw at him his anger, because he doesn't remember.

So... The conversation gets weird...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: So, your brother...

DEAN: Sam.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Sam. What's his diagnosis?

DEAN: Well, it's not exactly medical.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: That should be fine. I can cure illness of a spiritual origin.

DEAN: Spiritual? Okay. Someone did this to him.

Okay, Emmanuel talked first about spiritual origin, so Dean should feel worst there... Yeah, spiritual is something Cas did with Sam. The anger again. The remembrance...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: You're angry.

DEAN: Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother's head.

Emmanuel saw through those words, the tone in Dean's voice and his face. He saw Dean was angry. So Dean couldn't say these words directly to CAS, so he will say it to Emmanuel anyway, he needed to say, to vomit everything there...

And he's not just angry because of what Cas did to Sam, but ... Everything behind that action. The betrayal... His death... The talk to solve things between them that never happened...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?

DEAN: Yeah, well, he's gone.

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Did you kill him? I sense that you kill a lot of people.

Two things in Emmanuel observation: he named betrayal and friend and that's the wound that didn't heal in Dean.

The hunter said HE'S GONE. Because that Cas isn't there. That's Emmanuel. So, his Cas, is gone. And that's heartbreaking too.

And Emmanuel doing his "reading minds" stuff... By the end... Dean had to vomit again more things...

Pay attention to Dean's words and the way he talks... He doesn't name "things that may hurt him" that people does... Like lying, or die. Betrayal. He didn't name it. He just says wherever it was, In one way he's avoiding those words... is hard for him to talk about this, after being depressed because of that. He confesses he always could endure those things then he repeats I always could with sorrow, because that was before Cas. Cas would be always different to him, in every aspect.

When he says... What Cas did he makes a pause... And his face is showing the pain, because what Cas did, that... He couldn't endure it. And here my friends, we have the confirmation, from Dean's mouth itself, he was in bad shape, depressed, suicidal, because of Castiel.

And he finished with a I don't know why, but we do, because we learned Cas is more than family. He's in love with Castel. And he'll discover this in season 8.

Remember Me

When Meg appears, Dean is worried she can tell the truth about Emmanuel's true identity, but it isn't just that... He really gets jealous...

This scene is a classic but check out Dean's facial expression, he IS jealous. He remembers Castiel kissed her. And he remembers she was flirting with him, just like now. This confirm that if he was jealous of Meg, who get a hot kiss from CAS, how jealous he had felt for Daphne? Who actually was Emmanuel/Castiel's wife? Is just logic, my friends. Beacuse being a wife gets more benefits that just a kiss... Well we don't actually know if Emmanuel and her... You know what I mean, but Dean can imagine that they were a real couple... Ergo, yes. Dean was jealous of Daphne too.

Now... Let's talk about that scene that always makes me sigh... Damn...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: This silence is very uncomfortable. Is there something I should know?

MEG: I don't know. Dean?

DEAN: No. Meg has that effect. Awkward. You know?

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: That must be difficult for you.

MEG: Dean's making a joke, Emmanuel.

I wanted to put the previous dialogue to give context... I think this is one of my fav angsty Destiel looks watching when he's not watching.

Each time I see it, my heart beats fast. Beacuse... This is Emmanuel, right? But Emmanuel is behaving like old Cas, not understanding the joke. Being literal and all of that. And he even chuckled a little when Meg explained to him it was a joke... So... Look at Dean... He's side eyeing him... Because that's his Cas, the clueless, and cute Cas. And I'm certainly sure this is one of the things he missed of him. The clueless and cute angel. I'm sure is one of the most beautiful and innocent characteristics of CAS that enchanted Dean. So... He watched him, secretly, in silence, Cas is there... But he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember him. He missed him, besides the pain of his betrayal, and the rage that doesn't let him forgive him easily... Besides of that... He missed him. His Cas. That's the look, a sad, longing, and melancholic look in Dean's face.

Then... It was time for Revelations...

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Why wouldn't you tell me? Being an angel – it sounds pleasant.

DEAN: It's not, trust me. It's bloody, it's corrupt. It's not pleasant.

Dean was protecting him? Trying not to loose Cas by telling him the truth? He needed him to heal his brother, so... It could be. But it was also true that... Knowing what he had done... Will be devastating for the angel. Dean knew it. Maybe he was trying to protect him.

MEG: He would know. You used to fight together.

Meg said it, they were bestest friends, Emmanuel is in awe, and immediately he asks Am I Cas? And ashamed because he can't remember Dean, he averted his eyes to the ground. But those words are like dagas in Dean's heart. He doesn't remember him.

I understand why you did what you did

When Cas went to smite those demons, he began to recover his memories, and most of them were of Dean. When he comes back, he's puzzled, because he doesn't know why is he alive and the whole Godstiel mess kicked him hard, and most of all... Because he knew Dean's words in the car, full of anger and resentment, and pain were for him. He knows Dean can't forgive him. That's the worst for him.

So he tries to run away...

CASTIEL: What I did. What I became. Why didn't you tell me?

DEAN: Because Sam is dying in there.

CASTIEL: Because of me. Everything. All these people. I shouldn't be here.

The guilt in Case is huge, and Dean's words are knives for his heart.

DEAN: If you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time.

This could be desperation because the only hope to save his brother was running away, but it also is because Dean didn't want to lose Castiel again. So, he threw this desperate quote, is kind of what his brain maybe was telling him the whole time to help him forgive Cas.

CASTIEL: Don't defend me. Do you have any idea the death toll in Heaven? On Earth?

Castiel's regrets and guilt again.

CASTIEL: We didn't part friends, Dean.

DEAN: So what?

Castiel recalls, he tried to fix things, but he couldn't, he couldn't apologize or even make Dean to forgive him. He remembers the break up of their friendship.

But Dean is willing to forget all of that, he needs him now, and he doesn't want to lose him. Is like what Cas did, it doesn't matter anymore, because... He doesn't want Cas to go away from him again.

CASTIEL: I deserved to die. Now, I can't possibly fix it... So why did I even walk out of that river?

That's the idea will remain in Castiel's mind for a long time from now. He thinks he deserves the biggest of the punishment. Death. For what he did. He killed angels, innocent people, he broke Sam's mind wall and he betrayed Dean.

DEAN: Maybe to fix it. Wait.

Dean wants him to know this could be a second chance for them.

And then...

Dean kept Castiel's trenchcoat with him, he even moved from car to car. Why? Because he couldn't forget him. Because he needed to remember h. Because he was CAS, more than just family to him, and because (from the deleted dialogue) he felt inside he'll be back... Inside of his heart... Because he couldn't believe that was the end for them, their special friendship or wherever that was. It couldn't end like that.

And Cas is amazed, look at his face. He can't believe Dean kept that for him. And he can't say no to him. As always. His human weakness.

To Conclude:

This episode is huge in Destiel content. Each dialogue and facia expression in Case and Dean talks about the pain and angst, recalling their break up, and trying to fix something, little by little.

Dean was heartbroken, because he did find Cas, but he couldn't talk with him because he didn't remember him.

Dean missed Cas badly, and when he saw the angel was about to leave, he tried to convince not to go away again from him.

When Dean gave him back his trenchcoat, Cas couldn't say no. And we couldn't believe the hunter had kept the trenchcoat all this time! 😱

I hope you like this chronicle, it was very large!

See you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname

If you want to be tagged, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas from season 7, here are the links... Vol. XXV, XXVI y XXVII

Buenos Aires September 12nd 2019 1:46 AM

#destiel chronicles #destiel meta #supernatural meta #season 7 meta #vol. xxviii

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