#anxiety is a beast

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

A new challenger approaches (slowly)

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#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #wen chao #jin zixuan #jiang cheng #lan wangji #tulu xuanwu #Wen Chao's turtlephobia starts now. I wonder if that's ever going to come back into play? #Slight re-ordering of events for the funny punchlines but we're close to getting back on track. #The mianmian stuff happening right after we also have a Torment Tortoise looking for blood makes this scene so chaotic. #A good kind of chaos as it is supposed to be overwhelming and anxiety inducing! #I have been sitting on the idea of the Beast being just a normal turtle with a knife for ages. Years in fact. #It's stupid as hell but that's sometimes what art is. Indulging the past you who would have loved to see the dumb thing be drawn. #Making it canon now that A-Qing's turtle (the one pd-Lan Sizhui found) is a descendant of this turtle. #Maybe she was so defensive because she has eggs she was watching over! How insensitive of these cultivators! #You can insert your own choice of boss music here - I did not grow up playing video games so I have nothing off the top of my head. #I am making a BOTW reference here so you could substitute one of those themes but I find them more melancholic than menacing.

[gentil-minou]

Wei Wuxian licks his lips and leans forward slightly, walking his fingers across the countertop aimlessly toward Lan Zhan. “You know, Lan Zhan,” he drawls, “A-Yuan says we’re both in the book.”

“Mn,” Lan Zhan responds, tracking the path of his fingers intently, “I am apparently Hanguang-jun, the moral upstanding hero.”

“And I’m the devious Yiling Loazu, who led you astray,” he smirks, peering at Lan Zhan through his lashes.

Lan Zhan meets his stare, head-on, lit from within like molten sunshine. “No,” he corrects, “not astray, Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian tilts his head, waiting for him to continue. His fingers stop their dancing, resting just inches away from Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan shifts his own hand, bringing them even closer, their fingertips almost brushing.  

“The Yiling Loazu did not lead Hanguang-jun astray,” he says, eyes piercing as they flicker between Wei Wuxian’s. “They were partners, and…”

“Ah,” Wei Wuxian breathes, “the decent romance?”

Lan Zhan doesn’t answer, watching him closely. The pupils of his eyes have grown so large there’s only the tiniest ring of gold around the edge. He can see himself reflected in the black. He thinks he likes the version of himself that lives in Lan Zhan’s eyes.

They’re standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting for the other to take a step forward, bracing for a fall.

It should be terrifying, this sudden drop into something completely new, something entirely unknown yet so familiar. But Wei Wuxian is filled with conviction that no matter what, Lan Zhan will catch him.

It's as electrifying as it is calming, this certainty that here, with Lan Zhan, he is safe.

Wei Wuxian tilts his head to the side in a way he knows sets the unmarked skin of his neck on display. “I’m sure it was more than just decent, with a handsome hero like Hanguang-jun.”

Lan Zhan quirks an eyebrow, his gaze resting on the curve of Wei Wuxian’s neck, just as he’d hoped. "Handsome?"

“Well,” Wei Wuxian responds, tapping his index finger so it brushes against Lan Zhan’s fingertips. His skin is soft and perfect, just like the rest of him. “He isn’t wrong. You’re very handsome, Lan Zhan.”

“Really, Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan says, voice quiet and deep.

“Yep, definitely worthy of being compared to the beautiful Second Jade of Lan.”

“Is that so?” Lan Zhan shifts closer, the smell of him filling up Wei Wuxian. He smells so familiar, like something he knows intimately. Sandalwood, Wei Wuxian realizes, with sudden clarity.

Lan Zhan continues, “I would love to hear more about your opinion on my beauty and prestige, Wei Ying.”

“You don’t know anything about me, Lan Zhan. Why would you care what I think?”

Lan Zhan tilts his head, only just. “Do I need to? To want to know how your brain works?”

I commissioned this lovely artwork by the wonderful @lotuslate of a scene from my fic, once upon a time, 很久很久以前 where the entire cultivation world is cursed to live in the modern world without their memories and abilities, but of course wangxian find a way to fall in love all over again.

#i've been staring at this art for days they're one of my fave mdzs artist i am not worthy T__T #look at them falling in love before shenanigans try to keep them apart!! #im planning to post chapter 3 next week maybe by the end og the weekend #it's an absolute beast at 15k but it also introduces a bunch of characters im excited for hehe #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #chen qing ling #wangxian #mdzs fanfiction #the untamed fanfic #wei wuxian #wei ying #lan wangji #lan zhan #mxtxnet #mdzs ouat au #bushy writing #okay now that the tags are out of the way prepare for anxiety rant: commissioning art for my fic was one of the best and most anxiety thing #i've ever had to do like it's actually insane #on the one hand i love my fic so much but also i do not feel worthy of such pretty art and talent (except i paid for it and supported an #artist i really admire which makes me dumb brain extra silly) but yeah this enitire week since i first got it i basically had to play #with my anxiety in the worst way and its been awful and i want to share this art cause its so great but also i want to cry cause i feel #unworthy BUT! i am by posting this telling that anxiety to shut up and continue promoting a fic i'm really proud and excited for and #hopefully opening the floodgates so i have the confidence to commission more artwork in the future because seeing the words i write in a pi #is just about one of the most incredible feelings aNYWAYS

[caelanglang]

first verse . seven cuts .

I hope to bring this out of wip jail soon…

song: THE LONELIEST - Måneskin

messiest storyboards that I am not doing properly bc I suck pls don’t be like me…

also animated another dead character breathing yahoo

#shoutout to the anon who inboxed me abt liking both my fluff and angst here ya go. angst. <3 #I’m scared to share this bc it’s still a wip and the story boards are so messy #and I know some people here are actually trained on stuffs like these and I’m just ;w; scribble awayyyy #but I wanted to share my progress :’3 #yes I am brewing my first animatic ofc it had to be abt beast ehehehe #yes this all began when I joined the skk bb last year and my partner gave me the vision #bsd #bsd beast #wip #wip jail #art progress #hehe one of the perks of being in tumblr s that there’s less anxiety posting stuffs ig or maybe that’s just me idk #also guess who animated another dead character breathing--*gets shot*

[aq2003]

saw a letterboxd review of 2009 hamlet saying they didn't like how hamlet just seemed to be crazy all of the time and i was reminded of when david tennant said this

#literally exactly how IIIIII feel about HIS hamlet like brother i fucking get it #hamlet #not to say hamlet is very rational bc categorically he isnt but like. #if the thing in MY head that told me to be considerate of the ppl around me got switched off i would act + feel extremely similarly to him #and why would hamlet be very considerate of the emotions of the ppl around him if he's being told #that his feelings are unworthy of his status and that he should move on (when ALSO there is a clear injustice happening besides his grief) #not talking abt his sexism that is a WHOLE different beast that changes completely depending on a variety things including his gender #but like his sadness and anxiety and frustration and anger and fear are all very very very familiar to me

[0vergrowngraveyard]

🌸 for ask game

“do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them”

i have 3 cats

knox

cali

boots

ask game

#ask #ask game #knox and cali are both insane #boots is an anxiety ridden beast

[apathyislikeawoundedsoul]

The metaphors of mental illness in Over the Garden Wall have definitely been pointed out before, but specifically for me, it's OCD.

There's the overall theme of anxieties ofc but the woodsman with the lantern?? And the old woman with the bell?? Doing The Thing over and over again to prevent a bad thing from happening?? The Thing you're trying to prevent might be completely unfounded, or it might be based on actual events you're trying to keep from repeating. The Beast is mental illness, but for me he's specifically OCD/anxiety.

#over the garden wall #ocd #anxiety #mental illness #mental health #the beast otgw #otgw #i actually don't have bad thoughts so much as Uncomfy feelings when ignoring urges cuz my ocd is sensorimotor #but it still fits

[schmergo]

PSA: I don't know who needs to hear this, but 99.999% of people are too busy worrying about themselves to judge you, and you will not stand out from, say, your fellow late night shoppers at Target for being weird or ugly. If everyone at Target looked like a supermodel, that in itself would be weird.

Most people in Target are not the equivalent of the gossipy townspeople from Beauty and the Beast who walk around singing about how weird you are while you're trying to mind your own business. Most people in Target are actually the stressed mom from Beauty and the Beast juggling crying babies who screeches, "I need six eggs! That's too expensive!"

In fact, I feel like the Beast himself could leave his castle and walk around Target and nobody would really notice or think anything of it unless he failed to put his cart back and left it behind someone's car in the parking lot, in which case a mob might actually form.

#social anxiety #anxiety #beauty and the beast #disney

[twinksintrees]

beast is fucking incredible but at what cost

#the cost is my emotions #i cant think about it without feeling sick with anxiety #i wish this was an exaggeration #bsd beast #beast reaction tag #bsd #bungou stray dogs

[scamanderishredmayniac]

Happy birthday Newt Scamander!!!

Happy birthday to my favourite character from the potterverse of the wizarding world! Eddie Redmayne did an amazing job playing him and capturing my heart! 🥰

#eddie redmayne #newt scamander #fantastic beasts #birthday post #yeah I celebrate fictional characters birthdays and what of it #shut up lol #I’ll try but not making promises to do some birthday fan art maybe #got family round on Mr Mans here’s birthday #I still need to finish his birthday story but struggling to edit #which is why I’m probably procrastinating and struggling to finish it #I made a big mistake and saw a huge plothole and need to fix it #it’s so big it gives me anxiety #problem is what I wrote was really good as well #oh man

[itspileofgoodthings]

.

#but actually can you guys say a prayer about teaching for me? #I know it’s mostly because it’s the end of the year #but a lot of stuff is just forcing its way to the surface #and basically it’s just me struggling with my natural strengths as a teacher and the boundaries of appropriateness that are necessary #to maintain it #like first of all. the beast that is my anxiety compounds everything and makes it so scary and terrible #secondly I thought I had. Like. A total handle on all of it #Teaching and boundaries I mean #and of course I do not #and part of it is that the anxiety that always kept me within the right lines is just shifting and changing #and I’m just distanced from some of the stuff that used to keep me grounded #like my family right now! #the new adulthood is adulting! #anyway like. I am not doing anything inappropriate or close to it (sounds like I am when I deny it lol) #but I am aware in a new and newly exhausted way of the absolute dangers #of being the kind of teacher who uses all of my personality etc. to wake kids up #And make them respond #but then still have to want to need to keep certain boundaries up #And I’m trying to figure it out but of course I CAN’t Do it perfectly #and then it’s so hard when your personal life is so hard and you’ve just gone through so much change in such a fast period of time #And it just feels like everything is spinning #and your heart aches and you’re tired and you just feel like you’re right at the center of all this emotional chaos #and all these people who wanna pull you off course and get you to cross certain lines #and some of the lines are just weird and arbitrary boundaries you put up to protect yourself when you started teaching at 23 #Because you HAD to #So you can take some of them down and it’s fine but then there are some boundaries you know you need to keep up #And it’s more subtle than the black and white stuff re: appropriateness #Just the stuff that protects you and makes it easier to be the kind of teacher and influence that you want to be #and just trying to figure it all out while you’re exhausted and it’s the end of the school year #it’s just a LOT. A lot a lot

[autism-swagger]

Elaborating on my food insecure Tara headcanon because I have brainrot:

My original thought process was: Christina was gone a lot -> Sam left when Tara was 13 -> Tara wouldn't be able to get a job for a couple years -> Christina could've provided money but a good amount of it had to have been spent on things other than food -> ergo not a lot of money for food, and she couldn't have been relying on her friends for food very much otherwise someone would've absolutely noticed that something was wrong.

Tara had very limited food supplies. Between the ages of 13-19, he mostly ate instant noodles, rice, and oatmeal (all of it either plain or with very little flavoring), as well as like. Idfk saltines or something

In the rare occasions in which Christina was home, she would frequently use food as a punishment (e.g. taking it away for any perceived wrongdoing)

As a result, Tara eats insanely fast, typically with an arm curled around the food so it can't be taken away. If you reach for his food (or really just make any movement towards it), he will start crying (and also potentially bite you). She also hides nonperishables in her room

She's used to really small portions that are typically either under or overcooked

If he n Sam are gettin low on groceries, he immediately starts makin a plan to ration (Sam just goes out and buys the groceries while Tara is at home makin a spreadsheet)

#the highly anticipated Swagger cut of the headcanon #enjoy you beasts #yes there's logical thought and reasoning behind this headcanon #but I'm not gonna lie it's mostly just me projecting my own food anxiety onto Tara lol #(different source but still) #Tara tag #horror tag #hc tag

[kaurwreck]

ooh you’re reading beast! when you finish, and only if you’re inclined, i’d be very curious to see your thoughts on how you make sense of chuuya’s character in that universe? personally, i have trouble analyzing him because he only appears for an insignificant paragraph cameo with virtually zero impact on the story— and tbqh there’s a tiiiiny tinhat part of me that suspects he was only included at all to head off questions about another potential dark-era-esque absence— but regardless of that and assuming asagiri did have something in mind with including him considering he is in there at the end of the day, i’d love to know how you make sense of him within that narrative?

yes, chuuya's hypervigilance and dazai's dismissiveness of him illustrate how far dazai's gone and how unreachable he's become, expositing Dazai's route of self destruction and foreshadowing his suicide.

#bsd beast #bsd #bungou stray dogs #i havent finished it yet #but ive watched the movie and read enough to have encountered chuuya and seen where he slots into the world #also idk why he would have been in the dark era arc anyway or why asagiri wouldnt include him in beast #so i dont think those two things are related #but chuuya and atsushi are both salvific in the main universe #so chuuya's narrative defanging in beast means that he's incapable of embodying the shades of dazai's salvation that he does in mainverse #by beast!dazai's design #same with what he does to atsushi #who is also salvific in mainverse but suspended in fruitless anxiety in beastverse #beast!dazai nullified any hope for himself #by literally and proverbially collaring the narrative's sources of salvation #it's a rather massive impact on the universe if not the story

[sweaters-and-vertigo]

the debilitating mental illnesses restricting my daily life:

#i am the foul beast and they are the five wizards restraining me #if that wasn’t clear #mental illness posting #clinical depression #anxiety #obsessive compulsive disorder #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #adhd #panic disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #i have those ^^^ #i’m mentally ill #my depression has forced me into being a lonely tired sad little hermit crab #a hermit crab who has depression #i am a little high

[dirtytransmasc]

I love how my mental health is literally kept in check by a cat.

she get mad when my rooms messy and we can't cuddle in bed. she goes out on affection strikes if I start sleeping in another room to avoid the mess. my cat will guilt trip me into keeping my room clean. what is my life?

#im grateful #but damn #mental health #the #AuDhd #and (mild) depression/anxiety #disaster room is beast I cant quite tame #but my cat forces me to shove it back in its cage every now and fhen #cats

[goodmotorfinger]

#this was my big epiphany yesterday #the social anxiety + imposter syndrome + ten other things turned out to be children of the same wretched beast (low self esteem) #... at least I know the source of the problem now?? ??? 🙂

[buttercup-barf]

Since I Pizza Tower'ified my OC's, I decised to lud'ify Peppino! He is now Gedepizhelya or Pizhel Zradet.

I feel like this is also a great way to figure out the aesthetics of the lud's clothes and whatnot, when applying them to such a simple design. And draw him as a human('ish...) being and not a cartoon, sharing some of my headcanons on him!

#pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #if i hear a SINGLE word about homestuck i am stealing something out of your house. #the equivalent to his war trauma/anxiety here stems from a series of terrible experiences when he was trying to become a guard i think. #dude hung out at an outpost and protected his village but a shitty mentor + series of senseless fights against unbeatable creatures and- #-general lack of mental strength got him out of that job. so he just became a baker and actually perfected the lud equivalent to pizza. #like a motherfucking CHAD #thinking of doing the rest of the cast. brick would be such a fun beast.. #i love making up/changing names into some random bullshit. it's soooo fun. i love my little world and the little guys in it.