Oh no not me thinking about Ahsoka and Luke again and how they both construct images of Anakin Skywalker that probably never really existed and then spend so, so much time trying to live up to and into those images and how Luke has no information while Ahsoka has too much and which of those is more dangerous and how so much more of Anakin’s time is given to Ahsoka over Luke yet how vastly Luke overshadows Ahsoka in Anakin’s arc and how Ahsoka’s ability to draw a line between Anakin and Vader is the one narrative luxury Luke isn’t afforded and how every beat in Ahsoka’s coming-of-age serves to reinforce her loyalty to Anakin at the expense of everyone and everything else while every beat in Luke’s coming-of-age challenges that loyalty and how their devotion ends up manifesting in equal magnitude but opposite directions with “I won’t leave you” implying loyalty to what Anakin used to be while “there is good in you” suggests faith in what Vader could become hrrrrrrrrrgggghhhh
“so that’s how it ends (perpetual wip)” 2023 // acrylic on cardboard
i had a hard time being creative this year due to several pieces of my life falling out of place at once. i suspect it’s messed me up officially. i try every day to get strands of my old work/self/excitement/idea/colors back. in one way, i’ll never get it back. that’s ok. it was luck, it was a lot of guessing, and it was a stubbornness that kept me from learning to do/be/have anything else. painting was a series of mistakes i was continuously either encouraged or wounded by. something i stumbled into and skinned my knees on. in another way, though, stubbornness can only change when it hits the brick wall it built for itself. i am only just now getting (or, taking?) the opportunity to learn how to do everything correctly. to be creative correctly, on-purpose, with-intention. to be happy, by any of my actionable means necessary. to be alone and idle without itching to make something for the sole purpose of feeling that i was in company. im hoping that the next year will feel better, im hoping that hope will stay in my life as long as it takes to get back to somewhere level and unscary. anyway this is my last painting of the year and it’s unfinished and i like it that way. i’m learning to like it this way. ok the end
so due to holiday obligations there won't be any art until next year, but in the spirit of the season, here are some geocities-ass christmas gifs. Happy holidays!