#anyway…….my baby my baby you’re my baby as mitski said | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nolita-fairytale · 10 months

Text

don't want to walk alone | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader | chapter one: june/july

summary: you and carmy plan a wedding like it's the opening of a new restaurant.

warnings: swearing, eventual smut, lots of tooth rotting fluff, marriage, no use of y/n, second person pov

wc: 3.4k

listen to: let's get married (bleachers cover) - mitski

a/n: the long awaited wedding FIC!! welcome to part four of the 'make my heart surrender' universe (four part series). this takes place a month after the end of 'still into you' but before the carmy as your baby daddy headcanon series (my carmy masterlist is organized chronologically, if you'd like to read in order). anyways, i truly adore writing for these two and feel it important to note that after watching season 2, i've realized this has just become an animal of its own -- its own universe/timeline/entity which also means there AREN'T any SEASON TWO SPOILERS! this chapter was inspired by a conversation from two months ago between me and @carmensberzattos so courtesy of us, enjoy some healthy relationship-future husband!carmy. also don't worry syd will be starring in the next chapter. i missed her too. lmk if you wanna be added or removed from the taglist.

masterlist | part two

"let's just get married, don't wanna walk alone, so let's get married, 'cause we don't wanna walk alone or runaway." (bleachers, let's get married.)

'I just want to be married to you' are the words uttered (first by you, you think, but maybe he said it first, you really can’t remember) that lead you and Carmy to the decision that you should elope. Sooner rather than later, preferably, is what you both agree on. It’s not like you’re planning on having a big wedding anyways. How much work can a civil ceremony at City Hall and a nice dinner party afterwards be to pull off?

Famous last words.

You’re not sure how you’ve gotten from there to here, locked in a heated debate over menu edits with your fiance in the middle of your shared apartment when the sun’s just barely come up, but here you are.

“I’m just saying that we should be open minded and leave room for his artistic integrity!” Carmy passionately argues, winding you up as he makes his case.

“Artistic integrity? Carmy, are you kidding me right now? I-!” you fire back, shaking your head incredulously. “We said we were gonna keep everything chill.”

“It is chill!” he defends, matter-of-factly.

Oh, he’s just looking for a fight.

“There is nothing chill about a parm espuma and it certainly doesn’t belong anywhere near the carbonara!” you scoff, stubbornly. “I mean, the only reason he even brought up the idea of a goddamn espuma in the first place is because he was trying to impress you.”

Carmy’s jaw twitches in response as he grinds his teeth, a display of discomfort at the mere thought.

“He-he was not,” he denies with the kind of conviction of a five year old toddler who's sure as can be.

You shoot him a look.

“Carmen,” you warn him.

Sure it’s a silly thing to fight about, but there’s no malice in this argument. It’s all passion, artistry, and for lack of a better term, foreplay. You let out a sigh, softening before you rise out of your chair.

“Baby, when are you going to admit that you’re kind of a big deal and that people want to impress you?” you level with him, making your way over to your very stubborn and very insistent fiance. You settle down onto his lap, before tucking a stray curl behind his ear as you break, giving the sweetest smile.

He laughs dryly, averting his eyes from you because he’s not sure how much longer he’ll be able to stand his ground (especially when you’re looking at him like that).

You’re right. And he knows you’re right.

And Carmy’s never been able to resist you for long anyways.

A fox-like grin spreads across your lips and you know you’ve won the argument when you feel a pair of hands snake around your waist.

“Don’t push it,” he warns you, seeing the look on your face as he shakes his head, finally returning his eyes to yours.

You raise an eyebrow, “You like that I push.”

He nods slowly in surrender, his face softening as he asks you:

“You really want to fight about this?”

You shake your head with a laugh.

“No, of course not! Of course, I don’t want to fight about this!” you exhale, sliding your hands over his shoulders to wrap around his neck. “But I do think that your new buddy is trying to impress us and that it may be wise for us to reign him in – clear the air on what it is we’re looking for.”

A beat.

“Don’t get me wrong. Of course, we can leave room for creativity… but I don’t want our wedding party to turn into some pretentious fine dining fancy party.”

“Well, we did meet because of some pretentious fine dining fancy thing,” he points out, giving your hip a squeeze.

You giggle, “How could I forget?”

You shake your head once more, leaning in to press your lips against his. Carmy inhales deeply, enjoying the feel of your lips on his, your arms wrapped around his neck, the weight of your body on his lap.

You indulge him for a moment, deepening the kiss as you feel your future husband relax against you, because you really are happy that Carmy’s made a new friend.

Carmy had met a private chef a few months ago and had been trying to hire him for the restaurant for a while now. Wanting to work for himself, the chef had respectfully declined all advances, but he and Carmy had kept in touch, and it looked as if the relationship could potentially extend outside of the four walls of a kitchen. Since you both agreed that no one from the restaurant should work the party, it had been good timing (making a new friend and the fact that he was a private chef) and the right move for Carmy to ask his new friend to cater the wedding.

“Fine,” you resign yourself, pulling away from the kiss. “Derek can keep the liquid nitrogen but that is as far as it goes.”

Carmy shoots you a look – one that says he’s not quite convinced.

“And I will be more open minded in the spirit of… artistic integrity. But I’m not changing my mind about courses. Family style or bust, baby,” you negotiate, a serious look in your eyes.

Carmy thinks it over for a moment before finally coming to a resolution.

“Deal,” Carmy nods with the same intensity as a ‘yes, chef.’

You nod too, completing the agreement.

“I want it to be real, Carm. I want it to be us,” you reiterate, your voice soft as you make your condition loud and clear.

“I know,” he returns, just as determined and committed to the idea as he is to you.

You’re satisfied with the resolution – even more satisfied with the fact that you’ve come to it together.

“You know…” he starts, something in his voice that you can’t quite make out, unsure if you’re going to like what’s about to come out of his mouth. “... it could be a perfect menu if you just let me-.”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, Carmen!” you interrupt, knowing exactly what he was going to say.

You are so not playing this game today.

“You don’t even know what I was-!”

“Yes, I do! You are not catering your own wedding party,” you protest, adamantly.

You know him too well.

He laughs, shaking his head as he leans back against his chair, like he’s in high school again, and you’ve just caught him sneaking back into the house.

“God, I love you! But sometimes you drive me up the wall, Carm,” you groan out of frustration, eliciting another laugh from his chest as you hang your head, resting your forehead against his shoulder this time.

“Such a control freak,” you sigh, against his chest.

“Thought you like it when I take control,” he murmurs, beginning to leave kisses across your exposed skin.

You giggle partially because it tickles, and mostly because of what Carmy’s said.

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

You lift your head and Carmy kisses you again, this time savoring the way your lips feel against his for a little while longer – just long enough to remind himself that he wants to have the option to sneak away in the middle of your wedding party to have sex much more than he wants cater to be in control all the time.

Sometimes, he thinks to himself, control is overrated anyways.

Only sometimes.

“Okay, okay,” he mutters, letting go of the idea. “I’ll get back to Derek about final menu edits and make sure he knows that while we want him to be creative, we also want to keep it… you know….”

“Chill?” you emphasize.

“Chill,” he confirms.

“Okay. Thank you, baby,” you smile softly, trying your best to enjoy the temporary moment of peace between the two of you. Carm squeezes your hip as you roll your eyes with a sigh, muttering an:

“Oh fuck.”

“What’s up?”

You shake your head again, laughing incredulously before letting out another sigh.

“Just wait till we go through this again with the cake.”

“Fuck!” Carmy shouts towards the ceiling, throwing his head back as you laugh. “Why did we say we wanted to plan a wedding again?”

“Well baby, I don’t think either of us can pass up on a chance to create a menu,” you giggle, leaving a few kisses along his jawline before you make your way up to his nose. “Can you imagine if we decided to have a full-on wedding? That’d be a freaking mess.”

He chuckles, “It’d be like opening another restaurant.”

“Yeah, pass,” you hum, so glad to have dodged that bullet.

-----------------------------------------

By the time you and Carmy are even ready to focus on the cake portion of said wedding-dinner-party it’s a month later. You’ve been through half of the bakeries in the city, you think, and something’s just felt off. You’re practically eating your words, as it dawns on you that you’re having the exact same thought as Carmy: that it could just be perfect if you were able to make it yourself.

Then again, you remind yourself that a cake is an entirely different thing versus running a dinner service, so it can’t be that unhinged to have these thoughts, right?

But you and Carmy made an agreement, so in solidarity, you decide it’s only fair for you to make like Tammy Wynette and stand by your man.

You’re grateful for the half day you have today (“Summer Fridays”, as it’s so fondly referred to around your office) – and the fact that you get to work from home. What it means for you is that today you can clock out early and pick up samples from the tenth bakery (okay, so maybe it’s the eleventh but truthfully, you’ve lost count) in the running for your wedding cake.

You change out of your pajamas for the first time today, throwing on a slip dress and one of Carmy’s crisp, white Ralph Lauren button downs – worn layered and open like a cardigan – before you head to the bakery, and then eventually, The Bear.

The restaurant is closed for the afternoon, as they do a shift change over: some stay and take a break, others go home, let the dinner crew come in and take over. It’s different these days and while some days you miss it – the hustle and bustle of the kitchen, the sounds of an ‘all day’ shouted by the expeditor, the careful dance that is working in a kitchen – you remind yourself that you’re enjoying a half day, and that when you’d chosen to leave, you were ready for a change.

After entering The Bear, you make small talk with Gary while he finishes turning over the dining room for dinner, catching up over the flag football league he’s recently joined – one, it seems, to be taken very seriously by all participants. You tell him that you’re here with wedding cake samples, and he’s more than eager to give you some space to set up, because who doesn’t love free cake? Mid-sentence, Gary gestures towards a table for you to set up on, as you begin to unpack your large brown paper bag.

“Well, well. Look who it is,” Marcus calls out, as soon as he sees you. “Heard a rumor you were out here. You brought cake?”

“I brought cake,” you repeat as confirmation, turning to see your dear friend and mentee. “But don’t worry. I’ll be thinking about yours the whole time.”

He snickers, moving in for a hug.

“‘S Good to see you, Chef. How ya been?” he asks, enveloping you in his arms for a tight squeeze.

“Good to see you too, Marcus. I’m good. Had a half day today so… you know, we’ve just been busy with wedding stuff. But what’s going on with you? What’s new?” you answer, turning the focus back onto him.

“Oh you know. The usual. Though, I’ve been workin’ on some new shit for Syd’s new menu when I’m not here,” he answers, a broad smile spreading across his lips as he talks about.

“Jeez, Brooks. I know, Carm’s got ya busy. When the hell do you ever sleep?” you ask, as you shake your head.

“I don’t,” he answers plainly.

And just as you’re about to remind Marcus to get some rest, Sugar comes bursting through the front doors, her rounded belly full on display now that she’s had a chance to tell almost everyone the news of her pregnancy.

“Hey! Sorry I’m running late,” Sugar says, announcing her arrival. “Got tied up running an errand and then I had to stop at the store for Tums. This baby is killing me with the heartburn these days. Fucking christ.”

“Oh, no big deal. I haven’t even seen Carmy yet,” you shrug, as she mutters a surprised ‘oh’ and Marcus mumbles something about going to get Carmy. “It’s good to see you!”

“Yo, Carm!” Marcus shouts, heading back to the kitchen while you and Sugar exchange hellos.

“Awww, it’s good to see you too, sweetie,” she smiles, pulling you in for your second hug of the day.

This is something you miss about working in the kitchen: the camaraderie, the found-family, all the love.

“Wow this is… quite the spread,” Sugar mentions, eyeing the cakes you’ve laid out on the table.

“Yeah… they had a lot of ideas, I guess,” you say with a shrug.

Sugar shoots you an unconvinced look.

“Okay, fine. I had a lot of ideas…” you admit guiltily.

“...aaaand no one is going to do it the way you want it to be done,” Sugar sighs in the middle of your sentence.

“And they were more than willing to play. I couldn’t help myself!” you finish, defending yourself.

“Well, your enthusiasm is one of the many things I love about you, but… yeah, this is a lot,” Sugar grins as she gestures towards the overwhelming amount of cake you’ve just laid out on the table.

Regardless, Sugar really can’t wait to be your sister-in-law.

“Speaking of… I thought this was just a small wedding. It looks like you’re preparing to feed the entire French Army during Marie Antoinette’s reign.”

“Oh it still is – small,” you answer, simply. “I went a little overboard, didn’t I?”

“Why go through all this trouble? You might as well have a small ceremony instead of-,”

“No!” you protest, hearing another voice say the same thing.

“Sugar, we’ve already told you that we don’t want to do anything big!” Carmy adds, as soon as he enters the dining room.

“Hey, babe,” he says, sending you the softest smile as he looks your way.

“Hey you,” you smile in return as he approaches you, giving him a short ‘hello’ peck on the lips.

“Fak attack!” Fak cries out, as he enters the dining room. “Ooooh cake tasting!”

“Yeah,” you chuckle, as Fak is quickly followed by some of the line cooks that have just wrapped up lunch service.

It’s then that you hear Tina’s voice, growling something in Spanish as Richie speaks way too loudly about god knows what, as Ebra follows behind, somehow in the middle of a story that has little to do with whatever Tina and Richie are going on about.

You smile to yourself, because you really do miss this part.

“I told everyone we were doing a cake tasting,” Carmy starts, gesturing towards the rest of the staff as they join you. “That cool?”

“Totally. We have more than enough to share,”

“That’s true,” Sugar says. "And I can't complain because the baby is reeeeaaally craving cake these days."

As everyone at The Bear crowd around the circular dining table where you set up the cake tasting, you all enjoy bites here and there, comparing notes, sharing reactions to each flavor combo.

Earl grey & lemon. A classic red velvet. And of course, you had to get a little weird with the black sesame clementine combination you’d dreamed up with the pastry chef you’d been working with.

“I think my favorite is the black sesame and clementine but I doubt it’s a cake everyone will like. Doesn’t have the crowd appeal we probably should keep in mind,” you murmur to Carmy as the two of you watch his staff go on about the tiramisu-inspired one.

“Well, babe, it’s our wedding! We can do whatever we want,” he encourages you.

“I don’t know,” you sigh, paralyzed with indecision.

“The tiramisu one is good. I’m leaning towards that,” Carmy shares with you, eager to hear your thoughts.

“Yeah, I don’t know. Don’t you think it’s a little too on the nose?” you reply, unsettled and unsure that any of these are right.

“Why don’t you guys just let me make it?” Marcus interjects, asking the question he’s been wondering this entire time.

“I-,” you start, unable to help the fact that your eyes begin to wet with emotion. “Really?”

He laughs, glancing sideways at you.

“Uh yeah. I’m a little offended neither of you did in the first place,” Marcus teases the two of you, though you know there’s some truth to it.

You and Carmy exchange a look that says something along the lines of: ‘oh shit.’

“Well, we didn’t think you’d-,” you stammer, beginning to explain the why behind you and Carmy’s hesitation in the first place.

“We just thought you’d want to- that you should be able to enjoy the party,” Carmy adds, finishing your sentence, his eyes widening as he realizes that you both kinda fucked up.

“Chefs,” he says, looking from you to Carmy once more, with a seriousness in his voice as he rises to his feet. “It would be my honor. And just because I’m makin’ the cake doesn’t mean I won’t be able to enjoy the party. I can do it in the days leading up to it.”

“Oh-, okay, yes! Yes!” you cry, leaping to your feet this time, as if you’re accepting Carmy’s proposal again.

Richie rolls his eyes in response, groaning as he mutters something snarky to Fak, as Marcus pulls you into the biggest bear hug.

“You all are a bunch of saps,” he scoffs, directing this next comment to Marcus this time. “You big softie!”

“Richie!” Sugar hisses, glaring the sharpest daggers from her eyeballs into Richie’s skull.

“Oh fuck off, Richie,” you snort, with a laugh. “You’re just salty because… wait. Carm, you haven’t asked him yet?”

“Babe, I-,” Carmy whines, his eyes wide. “You just ruined the surprise!”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah ‘fuck’ is right,” he pouts, though he can never stay upset with you for too long.

“What the fuck are you guys even talking about?” Richie asks, squinting as he looks between the two of you.

You and Carmy share a knowing look, deciding that now is a better time as ever.

“We want you to be our witness, Cousin. At the courthouse,” Carmy says, a soft intensity in his eyes as he answers Richie’s question.

“Jesus Christ,” Sugar snarks, with an eye roll as she realizes she’ll be stuck with him at the damn courthouse as well.

“Wh-?” Richie begins to ask, looking from Carmy to you, then back to Carmy again, tears welling up in his eyes as he realizes what Carmy’s just said. “You-? Really?”

“Yeah, of course,” you reply, in a well-duh kind of tone. “Plus you know I can’t get married without my Ava there.”

“And sign the marriage license and everything?” Richie balks, because he really can’t believe it.

“Yeah,” you reassure him.

“Yeah. I mean, fuck yeah! Fuck yeah!” Richie declares, even more sentimental than Marcus this time. “Shit, Cuz… Hell yeah, I’ll sign the fuck out of that marriage license as your witness.”

Tina snickers, exchanging a look with Sugar, and earning a glare from Richie. He lowers his voice, directing the question towards you this time:

“Oh and uh… cool if Ava still sings “Love Story?” I kinda promised her she could sing a Taylor Swift song as part of my best man speech and she insists that one is about you and Carmy,” Richie asks, looking around suspiciously, afraid of someone else hearing.

“Awwww, Richie. Of course,” you coo, only melting inside a little at the thought.

“What?” Richie snaps, realizing that he hasn’t been as discreet as he thought he was.

Sugar snorts in response, earning a laugh from both Tina and Marcus.

It’s Marcus’ turn to roll his eyes at Richie this time.

“What?” Richie repeats, this time with a little more annoyance in his voice.

Sugar smirks, firing back with a:

“Who’s the big softie now, Rick?”

#carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto #carmy x oc #the bear hulu #the bear fx #jeremy allen white #carmen 'carmy' berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto headcanon #the bear headcanon #carmy berzatto imagines #carmy berzatto fluff #comfort and chaos #still into you #make my heart surrender #dont want to walk alone

762 notes · View notes

aliasrocket · 9 months

Text

˓ ˎ ° YOU’RE MY BABY (SAY IT TO ME.) ˋ˒

info. 6.7k words. angst. smut.

Rocket’s drunk, and it’s not for the usual reason; he’s trying to forget a certain someone. But it’s kind of hard to do that when that person is telling them to get into their car so she can send him home.

a/n. not sure if you guys have seen one of my ‘get to know me posts’ but I mentioned ‘I bet on losing dogs’ was coming out soon, this was it. I decided to rename it but the title is still a lyric from that song by Mitski.

Also there’s an important detail that I suspect some of you guys will like (if you follow my content anyway, it’s not so important if you don’t) and I wanna know if you notice it.

masterlist. requests. tip jar. commissions.

“Can …”

Rocket’s hand gripped the seat. His body tensed and his hand infected your car seat with his sweat. His heart beat almost to the rhythm of the tiny bumps in the road that caused the car to waver and flinch.

“Can we talk?”

“I’m driving you home.”

“Please,” he uttered your name, slow, languid and so cautious like the sound of it could melt an eardrum. And maybe it did, because your shoulders lowered just as shakily as your name had left his lips. The reaction was almost chemical.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

You pushed the words out of you, a hydraulic press to your lungs and your voice had reached its pressure point.

“If there was nothing to talk about you would have left me to rot at the side of the road.” Rocket pried his jaw apart to say this. Gritted teeth meant a gritted answer, that lead to gritted yelling. Alcohol swam in his lungs, and maybe some got to his brain because his head was swinging along to the car. It weighed him down. He didn’t have enough energy left to yell.

Your lip was trembling. You cocked your head up, only for a moment, biting back whatever crawling lump had been poking holes in your throat just to make it out of you.

How could he yell at you?

“I …” he swallowed. Dry. Nothing resided in his gullet but the sand the alcohol left in its wake. “I only need a minute.”

“You don’t need anything but to get home,” you persisted in a nod. You nodded some more, the succeeding ones slower and smaller. You were convincing yourself.

You were gripping the wheel, nails for claws and leaving curved marks on the leather.

He said your name. Your eyes flickered. Your chest jumped out, like your rib cage had punched a hole through you.

“Stop.”

“I missed you.”

If it hadn’t been for his glued hand to your seat, Rocket would have hit his head on your windshield from the screeching halt throwing his entire body forward.

Your hair was a mess. You were breathing heavily. Just like the day Rocket met you.

“Rocket, I—you’re—you’re right, okay? You’re right.”

“What—”

“I can’t do this. I can’t do this,” you repeated breathlessly. “When I send you home, you have one minute. Then I’m leaving.”

Rocket nodded eagerly. Shit that threw his head for a ride.

“Okay. Okay.”

read the rest on ao3.

Taglist : @caesarhamato22 @cosmic-lavender @love-for-faeries-go-burrrr @momahoneypleasesugar @ludibry @baloneyslacks @marigold-cat @ghost-andghouls @scholastic-dragon

#rocket raccoon #guardians of the galaxy #gotg #rocket gotg #gotg vol 3 #gotg fanfiction #rocket raccoon x you #rocket raccoon x reader #gotg rocket #gotg v3 #guardians of the galaxy vol 3 #gotg v2 #.alias.fic.previews.

75 notes · View notes

gaysebastianvael · 9 months

Text

🎶 9 Ship Songs 🎶

Rules: List nine songs for one of your ships

Tagged by @shivunin thank you!! Just nine? HA....anyway I did three songs for three ships (and I can do a million more.)

Taliesin x Sebastian

youtube

I Will - Mitski

And we're not out of the tunnel I bet you, though, there's an end Stay with me Hold my hand There's no need To be brave And while you sleep I'll be scared So by the time you wake I'll be brave

youtube

Let's Get Married - Bleachers

And I know it’s bad when we look out But bad, bad people don’t live in our house so I’m gonna get right for you honey I'll take all of my medicine, spend you all my money, yeah And I know it’s hard enough to love me But woke up in a safe house singing, "Honey, let’s get married" Don’t wanna walk alone So let’s get married

youtube

Read All About It, Pt. III - Emeli Sandé

At night we're waking up the neighbors while we sing away the blues Making sure that we're remembered, yeah, 'cause we all matter too If the truth has been forbidden, then we're breaking all the rules So come on, come on Let's get the TV and the radio to play our tune again It's 'bout time we got some airplay of our version of events There's no need to be afraid, I will sing with you, my friend

Somhairle x Dorian

youtube

Stray Italian Greyhound - Vienna Teng

I’m not that kind I’m so good at shooting down any notion This tired world could change It’s all been bought Or at least that was my line No use in spending all that emotion When there’s someone else to blame But you had to come along didn’t you Rev up the crowd, rewrite the rule book Where do I go when every ‘no’ turns into ‘maybe’

youtube

Never Look Away - Vienna Teng

Let me uncover the silver in your dark hair The weight of your bones I want to witness the beauty of your repair The shape you've grown For you are made of nebulas and novas and night sky You're made of memories you bury or live by So if you're out there in the cold I'll cover you in moonlight If you're a stranger to your soul I'll bring you to your birthright

youtube

I Really Like You - Carly Rae Jepsen

It's like everything you say is a sweet revelation All I wanna do is get into your head Yeah, we could stay alone, you and me in this temptation Sipping on your lips, hanging on by thread, baby Who gave you eyes like that? Said you could keep them I don't know how to act Or if I should be leaving I'm running out of time Going out of my mind I need to tell you something

Royce x Fenris

youtube

Stay - Mïrändä

'Cause I have a heart Despite what you may think and what I say And I wouldn’t have it any other way Even though it hurts It’s killing me with every passing day You can heal me now, it makes it worth the pain But don’t leave me now, I’m begging you to stay Oh it’s happening again I know this feeling like I’m losing everything is slipping through me and I’m gone I’d leave it all for a moment with you, is that wrong?

youtube

Give Me a Try - The Wombats

I know, sometimes I lose the plot and I cause a scene What do you dream of on the west coast When my head is aching in GMT We could be gigantic, everything I need Vicodin on Sunday nights This could be worth the risk, worth the guarantee This could be the drug that doesn't bite Just give me a try Just give me a try Been kind of hoping you might Get up and give me a try

youtube

Wonderful Way - TOUCAN

No matter what happens, darling we’re laughing Sweeter than the sap in a maple tree Just being with you is sending my heart Tumbling more than it would be in a washing machine Oh, my, my, this phosphorescent furnace, fueling our desire Oh, my, my, how pleasant to be burning if you’re the fire

#talbastian #oc: taliesin hawke #smorian #oc: somhairle lavellan #fenroyce #oc: royce hawke

6 notes · View notes

angeloconnor · 2 years

Photo

Angel + some of her favorite songs

1. Novacane by Frank Ocean

But girl I can't feel my face What are we smokin' anyway? She said don't let the high go to waste But can you taste a little taste Novacane, baby, baby

2. Doctor, My Eyes by Khamari

Most of the time I feel too much So I try not to feel at all Staring at the ceiling, I Staring at the writing on the wall Is there some type of Is there some type of pill I could take That would make it all go away?

Doctor, would you give me something? Would you, would you? Doc, I'm only 20 something Would you, would you? I'm way too young to feel this numb

3. Static by Steve Lacy

Baby, you got somethin' in your nose Sniffin' that K, did you feel the hole? Hope you find peace for yourself New boyfriend ain't gon' fill the void Do you even really like this track? Take away the drugs, would you feel the noise? More and more you try to run away

4. Me and the Birds by Duster

All the pill connoisseurs and the secret saboteurs Got the fever for surveillance and the night life

5. Thursday Girl by Mitski

It shows me what I am I'm not happy or sad, just up or down And always badTell me no Tell me no Tell me no Tell me no Somebody please tell me no

6. Crack Baby by Mitski

Crack baby you don't know what you want But you know that you had it once And you know that you want it back Crack baby you don't know what you want But you know that you're needing it And you know that you need it bad With wild horses running through your hollow bones Wild horses running through your hollow bones

7. If It Makes You Happy by Michael Cera Palin

Well okay, I still get stoned I'm not the kind of girl you'd bring home If it makes you happy It can't be that bad If it makes you happy Then why the hell are you so sad?

8. That Funny Feeling by Phoebe Bridgers

Total disassociation, fully out of your mind Googling "derealization," hating what you find That unapparent summer air in early fall The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all There it is again That funny feeling That funny feeling

9. I Wanna C U by Blood Orange

I see you runnin' out the window Brain is runnin' like it's hidin' from the night Think of somethin', I'm feelin' real (I think it) Brain is runnin' like it's runnin' from the night

10. I’m a Tangerine by Tommy James & The Shondrells

Hello banana, I am a tangerine Is it a dream? Oh, no! I don't think so, but My head is spinning, I am a carousel Don't-cha hear the bells ringin' in my ear? And I haven't any troubles Cause the friendly, friendly bubbles wash them away

11. Analog 2 by Odd Future, Tyler, The Creator, Frank Ocean, Syd

Bitches think I'm crazy, but I'm normal I just come off as a psycho maniac when I'm performin' That's an act so I won't bore you to death, 'cause I adore you

12. Candy Says by The Velvet Underground

Candy says (Candy says) I've come to hate my body And all that it requires in this world

13. Humpty by Mitski

I broke what you gave me But you kept giving more And I'm sorry for taking But I keep wanting more, more, more, oh All the eggshells are on the ground And I try, I'm trying to pick them up But they crack and crumble, it's all too much Too frail for me to touch

14. Bad Habits by FIDLAR

Well they say I gotta habit That I'm just a drug addict And I'll never be nothing more Well they can just have it I don't care if I'm damaged Honestly, I just think I'm bored

15. A Burning Hill by Mitski

And I've been a forest fire I am a forest fire And I am the fire and I am the forest And I am a witness watching it I stand in a valley watching it

16. Good News by Mac Miller

A lot of things I regret but I just say I forget Why can't it just be easy? Why does everybody need me to stay? Oh, I hate the feeling When you're high but you're underneath the ceiling

17. It’s So Nice to Get Stoned by Ted Lucas

It is so nice to get stoned And take a load off of my weary mind It is so nice to get stoned And never ever come down It is so nice to lay down And watch the clouds drifting so lazily It is so nice to lay down And never ever come down

#bsco.task002 #tw: smoking #tw: addiction #tw: drugs #jams

9 notes · View notes

juangallojongaro · 1 year

Text

Best of 2022

Alvvays - “Belinda Says” After five years in the wilderness, Alvvays burst back on the scene with a masterpiece in Blue Rev, the ALBUM OF THE YEAR. Supplementing already deliriously catchy songwriting with a thick shoegazey wall of sound, the Canadian crew put out fourteen songs and forty minutes of pop rock perfection. No better example than “Belinda Says,” an aching short story combining clever lyrics, soaringly sympathetic vocals, and a killer guitar solo where you least expect it. It’s the SONG OF THE YEAR.

Big Thief - “Time Escaping” To my surprise, the inscrutable but incessantly listenable Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You was my most listened to album of 2022. Am I a little pissed because that album title is very stupid? I am. However, I’m very happy with the album as a whole and this song in particular. It’s tempting to write something about how this album’s word puzzle lyrics typified my 2022 and my own problems blah blah blah. Instead, let’s just accept that I like to think about songs with weird lyrics.

Disq - “Cujo Kiddies” Speaking of inscrutable, I saw this weird little band of twelve year olds open for Neko Case. And I got to sit in the ADA section real close ‘cause my wife was wearing a surgical boot!

Future Teens - “BYOB” A song so emotionally raw that I asked the singer at an extremely small show at HEALER if they were doing okay. They said they were! Very great song to scream along to in the car while hungover–big Rick Dalton energy.

LCD Soundsystem - “new body rhumba (from the film White Noise)” Obviously, the best thing to come out of the aforementioned ill-conceived film adaptation. An exchange:

Zach: Is it a really good LCD song or, like, are they just giving us what we like?

Me: Yes.

Megan Thee Stallion (ft. Dua Lipa) - “Sweetest Pie” I am a childish boy (FUN FACT: When my pal David and I traveled to Canada last summer, we introduced ourselves to essentially every Canadian bartender as “just childish boys.” We also 1) almost got in a fight [not our fault!] and 2) ate offal [it was gross!]). I guffaw every time I hear, “More bounce to the ounce/Pick it up, put it down/I wanna put his Nutty Buddy/In my, ah, Fudge Rounds.”

Mitski - “Working for the Knife” Just going to quote the Genius reading of the titular line, “the nature of the knife is that it isn’t just a symbol of oppression that enforces her simultaneous drive and dissatisfaction from a distance; it cuts her down at close range by directly interfering with her life, demanding more of her energy and constant performance. But, as she states, she’s “working for” the knife; she’s doing the knife’s work, cutting herself down as she pushes herself to produce and entertain.” GUH! Mitski! Take a vacation!!!

Pusha T (ft. Jay-Z and Pharell) - “Neck & Wrist” I have nothing clever left to say about Pusha T (PUSH!). He will make a dope song every two to three years, and I will include it in this list. I will copy and paste this caption.

Wet Leg - “Wet Dream” A delightful song off a delightful album whose praises I will not sing more of because I went to see them on my birthday in Louisville and they were very bad. Anyway, here’s the extra dreamy Harry Styles covering. LYRIC OF THE YEAR: “You climb onto the bonnet/And you're licking the windscreen/I've never seen anything so obscene/It's enough to make a girl blush/It's enough, it's enough to make a girl blush.”

Weyes Blood - “Grapevine” A strong contender for Album of the Year, and may eventually get there in hindsight. Lush and luscious Laurel Canyon pop.

If you are not my wife, please move on to the next song: I KNOW IT’S ALL MID-TEMPO BUT THAT’S OKAY BECAUSE THE LYRICS ARE POETRY AND LISTEN TO THAT VOICE THOSE HARMONIES! IT’S NOT BORING!!!

Yung Gravy - “Betty (Get Money)” Speaking of my wife, she introduced me to this song which is so 1) stupid and 2) good that it could only result in litigation. Terrific first four lines: “With your baby mama at the crib I blow her back out/Shawty Filipino and she call me Manny Pacquiao/Alley-oop without the hoop they call me Jerry Stackhouse/Dazing out in public but your mama made me snap out.” Yung Gravy loves MILFS. I would represent him pro bono.

#bestof2022

0 notes

ganyuslily · 3 years

Text

washing machine heart — zhongli

pairing: zhongli/gn!reader, implied zhongli/guizhong

category/extra notes: angst, one sided love, toxic relationship, zhongli is the toxic please keep that in mind, changing yourself for the sake of others, reader is insecure and feels unlovable, objectifying (?), reader is implied to have hair long enough to pin up

a little summary: “baby though ive closed my eyes i know who you pretend i am”

note: for the event. song is “waching machine heart” by mitski. dating an archon doesnt seem like the best idea tbh

“she wouldn’t do that,” right, of course she wouldn’t. she wouldn’t, right. right.

pang.

“she was much better. more sophisticated, more elegant, you know?” more. more. more, more, more, MORE

pang.

“she always knew how to brew the perfect tea,” you think you see him look at disgust at the cup he was holding. did he not like yours? of course he didn’t, stupid, it wasn’t good enough.

pang.

“she was perfect,” everything you weren’t.

“i think you need to work on yourself a little bit more. you’ve grown so weird lately,” so weird. so weird. he means you, the normal you is weird. of course, of course, right. you are weird. that’s why he’s changing you. and you’re grateful, of course you are! right?

pang. pang. pang.

it became a routine, by now. sentences he was saying stabbing you and going straight to your heart. it was so tiring. all the comparing, all the projecting. all the times he tried to change you.

you felt as if you were an idea to him. a concept. not a human being, not a friend, not a lover, no. just someone, something he could mold to his liking. a doll he could customize and change, add specific behaviors and characteristics.

and you knew you shouldn’t let him do that. you knew you should leave. you knew, you knew, you knew. but all you could think was why wasn’t it you? why couldn’t he love you? were so horrible? so unlovable he had to close his eyes and pretend you were someone else? why not you? why weren’t you enough? why, why, why, why, WHY

you felt so useless without him around though. didn’t know what to do, how to act, what to feel. he broke fixed you and now you were his little object, little decoration, perfect lover he could take around and show off. always smiling, always laughing, piping in when you were supposed to. hair pinned up, a shiny glaze lily pin shining sticked into it. there were glaze lilies everywhere. you hated them, hated them so much, they just reminded you of her and everything you werent but you were supposed to be and you just loved it! how could you not.

you knew, how could anyone love you anyways? you knew no one would, and so changing yourself was easier than leaving him. and so you stayed, stayed for the rare moments he said “i love you”, even though you knew they were not to you.

but you hoped, oh so foolishly hoped, that one day they would.

#genshin impact angst #genshin angst #genshin zhongli #zhongli genshin impact #zhongli angst #zhongli x reader #genshin x reader #zhongli x you #genshin x you #— a song for you #ganyuslily.writes

542 notes · View notes

latinadarkacademiawannabe · 3 years

Text

good evening, here's a very important list of some of my favorite lines in songs. they all crush my soul to little glass pieces, and i hope they find you with the same effect.

"come rest your bones next to me, and toss all your thoughts to the sea, i'll pull up each of our anchors, so we can get lost you and me" my heart is buried in venice (ricky montgomery)

"you crave the applause yet hate the attention, then miss it, your act is a ruse, it is empty, achilles, so end it all now" achilles come down (gang of youths)

"i don't really give a damn about the way you touch me when we're alone, you can hold my hand when no one's home" line without a hook (ricky montgomery)

"in the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene, only then i'm human, only then i'm clean" take me to church (hozier)

"venus, planet of love, was destroyed by global warming, did its people want too much to? did its people want too much?" nobody (mitski)

"don't make me a liar, cuz i swear to god, when i said it i thought it was true" saint bernard (lincoln)

"i love everybody because i love you, when you stood up, walked away barefoot, and the grass where you laid left a bed in your shape, i looked over and i ached" strawberry blond (mitski)

"how am i supposed to pretend i never want to see you again?" campus (vampire weekend)

"i don't know what to do without you, i don't know where to put my hands" francis forever (mitski)

"and i hope when you think of me years down the line, you can't find one good thing to say" no children (the mountain goats)

"the blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine" cherry wine (hozier)

"i will not ask you where you came from, i will not ask it, neither could you" like real people do (hozier)

"i think it might be fear of the world and the way it makes you feel afraid" little pistol (mother mother)

"toss your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart, baby, bang it up inside" washing machine heart (mitski)

"i don't wanna eat the rich, i'd have to eat my heroes first, and my tuition's paid by blood, i might deserve your fate or worse" rät (penelope scott)

"i'm an expert just like you, and i like you i'm a genius before my time, disbelieving that's the real crime" touch-touch telephone (lemon demon)

"i wanna come and visit, i wanna see this through, but i never will because you're just not what i need, and i'm just not what you want, though you're in everyone i meet" banks (lincoln)

"i don't love you anymore, and it just stung on me this morning, i don't feel it anymore, i hope you don't mind me leaving" i don't love you anymore (ricky montgomery and the honeysticks)

"in a minute she already put my feelings in their place" vanilla curls (teddy hyde)

"i'm unstable, i'm a mess, are words that came to mind. i'm unable to regret the words that came to life. it's a game where we pretend i never crossed the line" sick crowd (teddy hyde)

"you know i love to say you're right, but this time i disagree" tallboys (teddy hyde)

"if it's gonna die just let it, without a goodbye it's endless" you can put your dukes down, stringbean (teddy hyde)

"beat my heart out, you're my muse" amélie (teddy hyde)

"the papers say it's doomsday, the buttons has been pressed, we're gonna nuke each other up, boys, till old satan stands impressed" as the world caves in (matt maltese)

"i've always wanted to die clean and pretty, but i'd be too busy on working days, so i'm relieved that the turbulence wasn't forecasted, i couldn't have changed anyways" last words of a shooting star (mitski)

#dark academia #light academia #romantic academia #chaotic academia #mitski #hozier #ricky montgomery #teddy hyde #lemon demon #mother mother #penelope scott

883 notes · View notes

bittersweetmorality · 3 years

Note

OMG CAN U PLS WRITE A SUB CHUUYA SMUT I BEG

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE BABIE!! sub chuuya is my favorite chuuya 😋😋 sorry this took so long !! i was actually admitted to the hospital and .. YUH so i haven't been able to do literally anything for a bit. but ! i back. also i was listening to the Mitski cover of Let's Get Married the entire time i wrote this ANYWAY i hope u enjoy ^_^

— i'm going to take such good care of you, baby~ pt. 1

☾ pairing: sub!chuuya x GN!Reader (f!bodied reader in the next part, but no pronouns specified in either)

☾ summary: chuuya wants you to take care of him

☾ warnings: very suggestive themes, but no explicit smut (yet), making out, i think that's it

☾ a/n: HIHI Y'ALL. i'm currently writing the second part and it's basically finished, i just thought the only way to pace this fic out was by separating it into two part-- idk why it just seemed off to me if it wasn't. BUT ANYWAY ! SECOND PART OUT VERY VERY SOON !!! and it's literally filthy like ... lord have mercy

☾ w/c: 1,358

| PART TWO |

the entire evening, chuuya was barely being subtle about his feelings— his desire. light touches on your thigh that lasted a little too long not to arouse suspicion, kisses that lingered farther than they should’ve, and the dark look in his eyes as his gaze drank your figure.

even the most oblivious person could tell what was going on— chuuya was never one to hide his feelings, anyway. even at an extravagant event like the annual port mafia gala, he still managed to show enough PDA to make anyone uncomfortable.

pressing you against him on the dance floor, trying his best to subtly (but failing miserably) grind against you, bringing his face down to your neck.

“chuuya!” you yelped, as he nipped a small mark against your collarbone. “i told you, we’re leaving soon, can’t you calm down for just another 10 minutes?”

you weren’t against PDA— of course not. you knew what you were signing up for when you agreed to be his girlfriend. but, you just wished that he would be professional for this one night and hold himself together so you didn’t have to shield your eyes from the stares of mafia members.

“aw, are you flustered?” his movements were slightly sloppy from his light alcohol consumption, and you could feel his smirk against your skin. you scoffed, placing your hands on his shoulders and pushing ever so slightly for him to look you in the eyes.

he didn’t move an inch.

“no. i’m not flustered, chuuya,” you tried again, with more force this time. “i just—“ again. he still didn’t budge.

with a huff, and your patience running dangerously thin, you grabbed his chin harshly. his eyes instantly met yours, big and full of surprise.

“we’re going. now.” your voice wasn’t loud, but it would be nothing if not powerful; stern.

you had his undivided attention now.

he blinked dumbly a few times before snapping back to reality, and doing his best to regain some semblance of composure “ahem— the gala doesn’t end for another half an hour, babe. we’re in no rush, are we~” he moved in to steal another kiss, his eyes dark and his hands lingering.

your jaw tensed, and your grip on him even rougher now, “did you hear what i said? now.” you nothing but growled lowly in his ear.

you swear you could hear his breath hitch in his throat, but at that moment your frustration ran far too high to find the means to care. you grabbed his hand, speeding to the front hostess, and giving her a half-hearted ‘thank you,’ as she returned your fancy dress-coats.

as the two of you rode back to your shared apartment, the tension in the air could be sliced with a knife. you noticed that way the red-head seemed to shrink in the passenger seat; but most certainly not out of fear. intimidated was the better word— and as if he wanted to know what you were going to do next.

you’ve never acted like this before, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like it.

“chuuya, baby, why didn’t you listen to me when I told you to tone it down?” you questioned. your tone wasn’t completely calmed down yet, but it was significantly more gentle than at the event.

he scoffed, “can’t help it when you dressed up like that, doll~” he attempted at teasing you and taking more control, despite his inner dilemma.

something about the way he thought he always had complete control just made you want to ruin him. you just gave him a small smile, planting a small kiss on his cheek and saying nothing else.

by the end of the night, you just knew you would make sure he listened to every command you gave him.

for the remainder of the way home, you barely gave him any attention, simply turning on your music and keeping your focus on the road. his neediness didn’t subside; if anything, it only got more heated. he still had one hand on your thigh, stroking lightly and squeezing occasionally, whispering sweet nothings like, ‘can’t wait to get you home,’ and ‘want you so bad.’

you couldn’t agree more.

finally unlocking the front door and stepping in, you were instantly met with a messy kiss from chuuya, his arms beginning to snake around your waist.

oh god, was your patience running thin with him tonight.

you grabbed him by both of his wrists, pinning them by the sides of his head and looking him straight in the eyes, “you should know by now, you’re not calling the shots tonight, baby.”

chuuya was never one to give up quickly, you knew. it wasn’t going to be easy to get him to submit to you, but damnit, you were going to make this man beg on his knees for you to fuck him.

he groaned into your mouth as you kissed him roughly, gently poking your tongue out to brush against his pink lips in question. instead, his lips sealed immediately, breaking away from your kiss and looking into your eyes with a dark gaze.

oh, you knew this would be difficult.

“let go of my hands,” he growled.

“or what? what’re you gonna do about it, sweetheart?” you cooed in his ear. you could feel his muscles tense under your hold as if he was about to break out, but you quickly moved in retaliation. You caged him in with your body and bringing your knee up to brush against his growing bulge. “hm... you want me to let go, but it seems like you’re enjoying this just as much as i am, sweetheart~”

his brow quirked upward, the way it does when he doesn’t know what to say for himself. his body was betraying him. without realizing it, he was finally able to submit to you— throughout the entire evening, the butterflies in the pit of his stomach were purely anticipation.

anticipation for what you were going to do to him.

yet, he still attempted to break out of your hold, feeling the strain in your hold. he was much stronger than you-- you both were well aware of this. if he really wanted to break out and take control, he could. of course, you wouldn't let this remain unspoken between you.

"something the matter, hun?~ you want your hands free?" you whisper, letting your voice run low and your breath fan against his ear, "hm? if you want it so bad, then do it. you know i wouldn't stop you~"

you gave him his time, never rushing him to make the final decision, you wanted chuuya to as comfortable and content with everything.

suddenly, you felt the tension in his wrists go limp. you expected to feel reluctance radiating from him, in his eyes, in his actions. instead, you were met with his blue eyes, big and round and trusting. he relaxed into you.

he was yours.

you chuckled lowly in his ear, basking in your victory for a short moment before beginning to lead him to your shared bedroom. you wanted to make sure the entire experience was perfect,

just for him.

suddenly, you felt a light tug against the fingers wrapped around your hand, ever so slight that if you weren't giving him your undivided attention, you may have missed it.

you looked back at your boyfriend, immediately being able to pinpoint his nervousness.

"hey... chuuya, baby," you whisper, cupping his face gently. "if you don't want to do this, that's okay. hm? i promise, okay?"

he moved his gaze up to meet your eyes earnestly.

"take care of me... please," he said under his breath.

your heart swelled at his words. you knew just how much courage it took for him to say it, and how much trust he had in you for him to mean it.

"oh, honey... don't you worry..." you coo, pulling him flush against you, chest-to-chest. despite his nervous appearance, you could feel his arousal press up against you-- straining against his slacks. oh, he definitely wanted this.

"i'm going to take such good care of you, baby~"

masterlist

#chuuya smut #chuuya x reader #chuuya x you #chuuya drabble #bungo stray dogs headcanons #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #chuuya x y/n #bsd imagines #bsd fanfic #bsd x you #bsd x reader #bsd smut #bsd smau #morality.reqs

417 notes · View notes

toshigimmemilk · 3 years

Text

genre: ANGST!!! mainly for kuroo than reader

characters: !timeskip kuroo x !gn reader

now playing: two slow dancers by mitski. next up: i bet on loosing dogs by mitski

1:05 ───|────── 2:54

|◁ II ▷|

“hey it’s been a while” a voice spoke behind you.

“…hey” you hesitatingly replied, recognizing the voice immediately.

“c’mon don’t be a stranger now” he joked trying to get you to smile.

“i’ve never been a stranger kuroo, never to you atleast.” you replied with a tight-lipped smile.

“t-tetsuro…you mean tetsuro right?” he asked stepping closer to you, near the balcony where you’ve been overlooking the scenery.

the party had been too much for you. too much talking, the fake laughing, and people gossiping. all you wanted was a breath of a fresh air, not have a old memory strike up a conversation with you. oh well the universe has its cruel ways.

“i said what i said kuroo. i think we’re back to where we started. don’t u think so?” you gave him a sad smile.

“i’m sorry. for- for how i treated you when we were together. i realize now that i was being stupid when i younger.” he spoke looking up at the sky. seemingly at nothing but knowing him he probably didn’t want to make eye contact.

“i miss you y’know.” he continued, “i miss you so much sometimes it feels like my heart has been ripped out. please y/n, i’m not the same person i was before. i promise to be better. please just-” he turned to face you to tell you how he really felt. to tell you how much of a hell his life had been since you had left him all those years ago, it seems ages ago since you’ve called him yours and of sweet nothings about a future that would not come true. “y/n- i have to tell you-” but you interrupted him.

“you bought this on yourself kuroo. i would’ve looked stupid if i stayed when you treated me like how you did.” you told him seriously now attention fully given to a reminiscent conversation

“i know but- why can’t we just run away?” he huffed out, “just you and me and i promise i’ll be the best you’ve ever had and will ever have. please y/n” he teases you walking a fine line between seriousness and playfulness. “let’s blow this popsicle stand c’mon” he says jokingly and his eyes hint more to the fact that he wants you to say yes, he wants you to take his hand and run away from everything and everyone.

“i see you’re still a dork kuroo” you tease back at him rolling your eyes at him.

you both quiet down and it seemed like the music playing during the slow dance was filling the empty silence between the both of you.

“y/n i wish- i want you b-” he starts but gets cut off by someone else.

“hey babe are you ready to leave?” the sudden voice startles you with butterflies, even after all this time and kuroo couldn’t help but notice how big u smile when you turned your head as soon as you heard his voice.

have you ever smiled like that when you were with him? kuroo thought

how bright your eyes shined with love when you answered him back, “yeah baby. let’s go.”

have your eyes ever shined that bright when you looked at him? kuroo couldn’t help but ponder as his heart sank with each insecure thought he had about your shared past.

he looked down and caught a glimpse of the shiny rock resting on your finger.

have you always worn such shiny rings around him? he thought. A RING?! oh- you- and him- married- wow- a million thoughts raced around kuroos head which stopped the moment you spoke.

you turned to kuroo with a soft and sad smile, “i’ll see you around tersuro. g’bye..”

and with that beautiful smile that he held onto so dearly and the soft goodbye only make his heart hurt and if he could die from a heartache, he would’ve died right then and there watching the love of his life walk away with their true love.

“who was that babe?” kuroo heard him question you.

“just an old friend” you replied as u leaned your head into your husbands bicep and kuroo can hear the slight smile in your voice.

yes, it was true kuroo thought you as the love of his life but you didn’t think of him as yours.

a/n: pls i have a good idea once in a while but i never know how to go on implementing it. i suck at writing ik 😭✋🏽 anyways i hope y’all enjoyed this <3

#angst #haikyuu angst #haikyuu!!#hq angst #haikyuu #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x you #kuroo x reader #kuroo angst #kuroo tetsurō #haikyu x reader #kenma x y/n #nekoma #ushijima angst #iwaizumi angst #oikawa angst #kenma angst

147 notes · View notes

crystallizedkingdoms · 2 years

Text

it’s Johann Appreciation Week! man, I remember last year’s like it was yesterday. I’m glad to be participating again :) because the @johann-appreciation-week has been so lovely enough to allow us to make our own prompts and ideas, the prompts I have given myself are…

…Mitski songs! because I am an insufferable bastard who’s going to her concert tomorrow so I’m making that everyone’s problem for this entire week! yahoo!

today’s song: Everyone (Laurel Hell, 2022)

word count: 1,463

“Don’t.”

Johann tensed up. That wasn’t what he was expecting to hear. “What do you mean ‘don’t’? I didn’t spend my time practicing for nothing,” he said, closing the front door just a tiny bit.

“That place can be dangerous at these times, Jo. I wouldn’t want you playing there right now,” Mom warned.

Johann swung his violin case side to side, annoyed by the sudden lecture his mother would spiel into. “You said I could do it. It’s literally only a few blocks away.”

“I didn’t think you were serious, baby. You know I don’t enjoy you going unsupervised… Now, watch yourself, Johann. Don’t think I can’t see you rolling your eyes,” she said, her attention mostly occupied by the dinner she was preparing. “Have a seat, Johann. I’m almost finished.”

The scents were enticing, but even more alluring was the desire to play in front of the little corner his mother had often taken him to see other bards who played in public. It tugged on his heart, to chase after the dream he so desperately needed in his life since he was in his teens now.

“Did you hear me? Close the door and sit down,” Mom called out again.

Johann remained where he was. “Mom? I’m going out. Today’s not too busy, which might not bring a lot of attention, but I’ll be safe. You know where to find me, I won’t go anywhere else between the distance from here to there.” The script he recited was one he practiced for days before this, listing off all the things he knew his mom would fret over. She had to let him go, right?

His mom did not reply. Johann wished he could hear her thoughts, see if she would let him go or not. He hated the stretch of time in silence, silently waiting at the door, the darkness of nightfall having quickly approached.

Another few minutes passed in silence. Grueling silence. It was only broken when his mother asked, “Johann? Are you still there?”

“Yes, mom.”

“Hah! I expected you to have run off at this point,” she admitted. Johann’s mother walked out into the living space, staring down at Johann with crossed arms. A brown bag hung within one of her hands, to that he smiled.

“So does this mean you’re letting me go?” he asked.

Johann’s mother sighed and handed the bag over to him. The bottom felt hot in his free hand, but it smelt nice. “I wish you wouldn’t go—” Johann immediately wilted, “but I can’t pretend like you aren’t going to go anyway.”

Even though Johann did get her permission… It still felt wrong. He felt disappointed. “Why don’t you want me to go?” he asked, despite knowing the answer.

“You know I enjoy your passion for music. I don’t mean to come off as dismissive of this career you want to take, you know that. But you also know it’s not as simple as playing out in the streets and dazzling people with your talent. It’s not just playing all day and getting people to fall into your lap with coins.

“It’s a taxing job! One that I really don’t believe you’re ready for yet, Johann. Being out on the street for a time just… isn’t something a young man like you should worry about. I also think you can manage so much better. So, get this night out of the way, come back home, and we can discuss some things then, okay?” his mom said.

Johann hated the explanation more than he thought he would.

He pulled his violin case closer to himself with a bitter glare towards the door. Forgetting to hold himself back, he yelled, “Why can’t you just let me do it? I never said this was something I was gonna pursue forever! It’s just something I want to try, and that’s important to me! Why can’t that be enough? Why do I have to prove that everything I do is up to your standards?”

That got his mother to be quiet. It’s a silence even more sickening than the one before and it ate at Johann’s insides until he felt no appetite for the food in his hand.

Yet he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Not an apology, not a more rude assertion of his emotions, nothing. He just stood there at the front door of their small Neverwinter house, feeling barren inside… except for that deep tug to run out and play his violin, and feel that surge of creation flow through him as with any other time he did it.

“You may go, Johann,” his mother finally said. Johann couldn’t discern the emotion in her voice. It was no wonder where he got that deadpan habit from; his mother had practically perfected it.

“Mom, I—”

“I’m giving you a chance. Take it, Johann,” she asserted, her voice firm as she pointed down the street.

Taking the chance, Johann took a deep breath and let his music take him.

———

“Don’t.”

How sick of that word Johann has become.

“You said it would be hard to find a well paying job,” Johann says. “I found one. Now you don’t want me to go?”

“Because you won’t even tell me what the job is. Where you’re going to be working. Why won’t you tell me where this place is?” Barbara asks.

Johann shrugs. He wishes he had a better answer for her, but… what could he say? When he couldn’t even mutter any description of the job he had been offered without his words trickling off into crackling static to anyone other than those inoculated, Johann couldn’t answer if he wanted to.

It surprised him to realize he didn’t want to.

“Please, Johann,” Barbara sighs and rubs her temple. It’s a pain being so vague with his mother, but Johann couldn’t answer.

“I’ll visit you. I have that guaranteed, mom, I’ll visit as soon as I can.”

Barbara rolls her eyes. Fun, how he got that habit from her. Seeing it used against him felt only natural.

Johann fiddles with the handle of his luggage. “I’ll send letters. Often, I promise I’ll send them often,” he offers. It wasn’t a lie, he was going to send them. Often, however… He isn’t sure what would count as “often” when he would soon be spending his days peddling out writings for some brilliant creature.

“Johann, please, all I ask of you is to stay. You won’t have to do any of that if you just stayed.”

“Mom, I need to go. I have to. This is just what I needed, and I— I can’t afford to let it slip away,” Johann insists.

To that, Barbara remains silent. With her arms crossed in front of her chest, seated on the kitchen table, Johann is struck with just how exhausted she looks.

“…Is there nothing I can say to get something out of you?”

Johann considers it. He truly almost lets the words spill out of his mouth, to let his mother hear the stifling static and realize that this is something exceedingly important. An important mission that Johann, her closed off son, could actually be a part of! Something that mattered not only to him, but the entire world.

But he doesn’t. Johann knows his mother would not see it that way. She’d see it as dangerous, an unnecessary risk. Why concern yourself with such a heavy duty when you could leave that job to those who were fit for it? he can practically hear her say. That’s not what he needs at this moment.

So instead, Johann grips the handle tighter. “No, mom,” he mumbles, “There’s nothing. I have to do this. It’s important to me. Why can’t that be enough?”

Barbara looks up at him sharply, her jaw tight and her eyes narrowed. Johann is suddenly aware of what he just said to an uncomfortable degree and nearly shrinks away from her gaze. It takes a horrifying strength to not do so. “If it’s important to you, then I cannot hold you back,” she finally says. “But I expect visits.”

“Of course.”

“And letters.”

“Yes, mom.”

She stands up from her chair and walks towards Johann. Her hand makes way to his cheek, running her thumb along his skin. “And you can tell me to my face that you’re not joining some MLM cult thing?”

That gets a laugh out of both of them. Johann rests his head on Barbara’s hand with a small smile, saying, “Yes, mom, I promise I’m not joining an MLM cult thing.”

Barbara grins back up at him, but there is a settled weariness in her face. “You promise you’ll be safe?” she asks. It’s almost a plea.

“I promise I’ll be safe.”

#johann appreciation week #taz johann #taz balance #my writing

15 notes · View notes

blufox234isadumbname · 3 years

Note

dream (XD, maybe?) visits fundy in his dreams. it's the only thing making them bearable, and keeping him sane

Nobody [inspired by a mitski song]

Many make mistakes, Fundy was one of them. He just wanted to make sure Yoghurt was safe that night, what with more mobs emerging from the south. He just wanted to tuck his kid and make sure he slept better than him. With kiddish purrs becoming white noise, he should've stopped himself when he felt his lids flutter, when his bed dipped and he saw the house go black.

The fox-hybrid opened his eyes, already letting the horror sink in before opening the damn door. It was all over again, he thought he was getting better. No. He was a fool, still a foolish fox. Yoghurt was no longer by his side, and he already started to feel sweltering heat entering the home. Fundy's heart already ached, already sore. His breaths were heavy, weighted over him as he laid in the dreaded empty bed. Tears were beginning to form but he blinked and rubbed them harshly away. Just close your eyes, he thought. But he knew better, wishes could never be reality. He just wanted it to be over, so he had to do it himself. Fundy always had to do everything himself anyways, this was no different.

He got up and readjusted his black breton cap. Steady and stalwart, steps crept towards and stopped in front of the door. Twisting the knob, a final breath was heaved before the same scenery greeted the displeasured fox. He became familiar with the barren land, covered by only hot dry sand and tall cacti. The winds seemed to be strong that dream, dust clouds were choking the poor dreamer. He closed the door behind him, noticing his red tail hung low. First thing was first, he left the area of his house to find anything out of place. It was instinct to try and spot something that stuck out like a sore thumb, besides his little spruce wood cottage.

Fundy sank his naked feet into the sand, burning his padded paws. He trudged along in a random direction, which was wherever the barest clouds were drifting opposite from. That's all he did for a couple of minutes, maybe more than half an hour to him. Prime, he hated how the sun was bright, how the sunshine was a glaring spot above him. He hated to stare at the dull sky for any second longer. He hated winds dusting the sand into his eyes. All of it was n eyesore, metaphorically and litterally.

He just continued onward, awaiting any subtle and not-so-subtle ghostly remnants of his history coming back to haunt. To be reminded of why his life sucked, that was surely fun, right? He wanted a break, a detour from the disaster that was him. For not the first time, he wanted to be elsewhere. Not just in the dream but in reality. Yes, Las Nevadas was the haven he wanted it to be. But that came with the cost of having his dreadfully undead father closer to him. As if he wanted a chance to be mocked and haunted. Even more so, Tubbo and Ranboo causing a commotion with Quackity already had set him at unease. Threats towards a nation he called a home, a lovely return to the cycle. Like dirty water from the sea to acid rain in the clouds, it's become the same horrid cycle.

Speaking of clouds, the fox-hybrid looked up. The smallest gathering of clouds became a crowd of them all across a brighter baby blue canvas. The yucky yellow sand turned a grassier green. If he squinted, he could maybe see the blooms of other than cactus flowers. Finally, a reason for the feet under him to pick up their pace. Fundy kept running towards the green, faster and faster as he could taste them with his fingers. As soon as he was near enough, he dived right into the fresh field. A little mistake, per usual, as he began rolling down a knoll all of a sudden. Through the short wild grass into a taller field of lavender and peonies, the fox finally took a deep breath. A clean and relaxed breath-

"Hello, Fundy."

- before it hitched.

Fundy lifted his head up above the flowers to spot a cleared spot. In the patch of cornflowers and poppies, a naked area of just grass lay, with a figure. He knew it well, with the dirty blonde hair - though he never remembered it being at scruffy and shoulder length - and deadly smile-painted mask adorned. In a lime, white and black letterman jacket over a starkingly orange jumpsuit. He knew that man well, even by the soft humming. The blank eyes of the mask and the man behind to stared at the fox-hybrid. If it weren't a nightmare yet, Fundy figured it just started.

"How are you here?" The hoodied man asked

"Don't...don't even talk to me..." The overcoated fox snarled with teeth bared and tail puffed.

Dream huffed, toying with something in his hands.

"I just asked. The dreamscape is not normally so free reign. For you, you're the least I expected to be able to cross barriers of mind."

"What the fuck are you talking about. Why are you here? What, to haunt me? To mock me? To tell me I'm useless?"

"...To make flower crowns"

He held up said piece of rope strung with flower blooms. His was a cornflower and daisy crown.

"That...that's it?"

"Can you control your dreams?"

"That...it's none of your business, Dream."

"I'm assuming no. But you are willingly seeing me. So in that case, I suppose I can tell you. You know I was imprisoned, in that big ol' prison? Anyway, a being gave me a wish, or rather a gift. I could control my own dreams, I could lucid dream whenever I wanted to. So I could stay in prison while still feeling the grassy field. So I'm here."

"You don't...get nightmares? NOS Cary reminders of your past? Nothing scary?" *And while I do?*, Fundy doesn't add on. Dream pauses for a break. before he answers

"How could I? I control every aspect of my dream. Though you are certainly not part of it. I appreciate the company, kinda? But I'd rather not keep it. It's be nice if I just asked that dream being to remove you-"

"NO!"

"Excuse me?"

"P-Please...I-I don't wanna go back..."

He hated how his voice became frail at the drop of a hat, how his ears flattens and how shaky his hands became. Already begging to a tyrant, the same one who's destroyed everything in his life. What Fundy had begged was true, however, he didn't not want to go back to nightmares. This was the only time the dreams felt good. Albeit muddled by a lime menace, it was better than the frightening things ahead did him. The fox heard the man sigh.

"Sure, sure you can stay."

"Thank you..."

Fundy sat down in front of Dream, criss-cross legged. And the two were silent. The dreamer kept weaving in the flowers in the rope while the intruder simply watched. His clawed hands picked at the grass blades. Admittedly he enjoyed the scenery, if it weren't for the horror of a man in front of him. He noticed the excess rope tossed aside and something in Fundy urged him to use it too. He could tell eyes were on him again even from behind the unmoving mask.

"Yes, you can make flower crowns too. You know how to make one?"

"Y-yeah. Niki taught me how to make one with rope. I made hers with alliums. She gave me one made out to tulips" Fundy chuckled at the memory fondly.

Dream paid no mind just gave Fundy the extra rope and returned to his own project. After that, the quietness continued for much longer. But Fundy was never a fan of long silences.

"...Why a field? Out of flowers? I didn't know you were into this kind of stuff."

Dream paused for a minute, seemingly deliberating. He room a breath and spoke;

"It's just me wanting to relive old memories. Before settling in the SMP, me and George went to a flower field. We just spent half the say there doing jack all."

"It's always George is it?"

"... he's my friend. I'd do anything for him."

"Even terrorising a nation? Even threatening a kid? Even dethroning him?"

"..."

The silence spoke volumes. Fundy knew he overstepped, but it was hard for him to be sympathetic over it. He swore the surroundings looked dimmer for a second.

"I miss him. I'm no longer allowed visitors and even then, he never came by to visit."

"Who did?"

"Sapnap. Bad. Tommy, surely you know. Then Technoblade."

"Wait Techno visited you?"

"Less visit and more just made a new space in my jail cell. It's like a vacation to him. I'm not mad but...I like here better anyway."

"What's it like? In the jail cell."

"Tight. Closed. Hot. And I mean scorching. It's surrounded by lava. Barely much room to move around, not much there. I do have books to write in but so far I have started writing none."

"Someone hasn't been productive, I see?"

"I liked to write stuff. Just random things. But in a cramped space...I can't. I see why people are claustrophobic. It's feel like hell in there...for more than just the lava."

Fundy started to feel a twinge of a heat wave on his back as he stuck a flower into the rope. It died down shortly after.

"Since you're asking me questions. It should be fair I ask you."

"That's...yeah, that's fair."

"What were you doing, before you slept?"

"In bed. Just...alone in my cottage. Far away with no one else." Fundy lied, no matter the somewhat friendly tone, he wasn't ever going to risk Yoghurt.

"I thought you had Eret? Or Niki? I thought maybe you guys stay in at Least a neighbourhood."

"I...I haven't spoken to either in so long. I think they forgot about me. That's...fair"

"Hmm..."

Before I slept I was just building m stuff in Las Nevadas. It's...it's a thing Quackity built. I can't say more than that-"

A roar of something, not too loud but enough to be noticeable, came through. It spooked Fundy well enough.

"Dream what-"

"Let's...not talk about that."

"Well, what else is there to talk about me? I have nothing else. That...that palace is all I got going for me honestly."

"I thought you had more."

"No. After L'manburg, all of it gone, I don't have much else. By who, I wonder?I didn't care, that was fine by me until I did something different. I'm making sure I have a place, at least."

"Like a house?"

Fundy twisted the stalk gently, silently.

"Like a place of belonging. Where I can be remembered and people know where I am."

"I get that..."

"Of course you do, you tyrant. Your name is sure to be famous."

"Not the being remembered part. The belonging part."

The clouds seemed heavier at that moment.

"Find it hard to believe coming from the same guy that he cares for no one but a kid's discs."

"I know what I said, Fundy. But I don't care about the discs. I care about having control. Having everything in my hands. To take strings of the marionette and play them by my fingers. That's what I aim for, not just useless material discs."

"What does this have to do with belonging?"

The roar came back, a roar of thunder.

"The puppet master is not a puppet. He cannot be a puppet. When the puppets go free, he is left for dead..."

Dream's scarred hands clutch the half done green tulip crown. Down a drop goes from the petal. Then another, then another. Fundy looks up, to see the trickles. Down the drops of precipitation go to his face. Fundy's chest felt heavy, clebtched by something in a grip. He saw Dream looking up as well. From the angle he could partially see the bottom features under the mask. A pursed mouth with scars on his lips. Dottings of freckles across his cheeks. Streaks of not raindrops reaching down his chin. He heard the hiccups, the struggle to compose oneself. He knew that too well. Fundy found the part to care about as he stroked Dream's forearm carefully.

"I-I'm sorry, It's...I-I'm never like this. I'll just change-" the masked man's voice was breakable, cusp of falling apart.

"No. I like the rain."

Dream looked back to Fundy. It was true, the fox-hybrid liked rain. He used to play in the puddles as it drizzled even into adulthood, before more important things occupied his time. Like getting weapons for war or spying on a president. Fundy had on a solemn smile, a weak one in the likeable weather. His hair and fur became bristled whislt his tail wrapped unconsciously around him.

"I feel alone too. Everyone has left me

The people that I care about always hate me or leave. They leave me frightened in a place where everything so to survive. I'm barely staying alive as is. I don't have anyone."

"I don't have anyone either. I'm heartless, I pushed them away. Techno is with me, yeah. But what happens then? I'm too scared to find out. All I want is to just be free..."

Fundy laughed a bit. He tossed aside the half-effort flower crown and stood up. He opened his arms wide, further than his shoulders. He kept laughing, giggling, wheezing over. He raked a hand through ginger and snow white locks of his, knocking back his black breton cap.

"What's so funny?"

"Well, one, it's already crazy you're telling me all of this. This all feels like stuff you'd suppressed hard. Even in your dreams. And secondly...god, I wish we talked more sooner."

"What?"

"You and me, both alone in this world. We're unlovable. Reckless bastards we are. I'm not the worst like you but by Prime, I'm just as lonely as you. I can't excuse reving Wilbur and the 16th...but maybe we could've been friends."

He knew dream was smiling, not from the mask but from the small line of daylight peeking through the clouds.

"Fundy, I could never be friends with you. I'd push you away too."

"Then don't push me away now. I'm desperate, man."

"...I wouldn't."

Fundy smiled a glint of the sun right back at Dream. For once in a dream, he was at ease. The pouring rain slowed s little down to a drizzle, enough fro him to avoid smelling of dog water. The clouds journeyed away from the meadow, and let the sun's smile through. He loved the rays of sunshine gracing his face above him. He loved he could stare at the cloud-scattered sky for almost hours. He loved the winnow through the grass that made them dance. He loved it there.

"Sorry about the rain. In my dreams, I rarely can talk to anyone. And techno is not exactly the most relatable with what I have. Outside, I keep it in. But where I am, where we are, is inside me already."

"Fun to know this is the inner machinations of the terror Dream."

"Hehehah"

"...I probably won't remember this happend. When I wake I won't have a clear thought of events. Just so you'd know."

"It's fine. I knew you wouldn't anyway. That's why I let most of it out. That and because, I feel like I can trust you. I can't leave my cell but maybe someday I'll find you again. And maybe-"

A click from behind Dream's head could be heard. He moved his hand latched onto the mask and pulled it down. There he was, gentle scarred smile with even gentler eyes, covered by dirty blonde turning silver white to the tips. Irises coloured almost like emerald and aqua ender eyes looked back to the fox. Finally, his black tipped ears lifted and twitched, and his tail was wagging slightly.

"-we could be alone together again?"

Fundy's heart ached, sore already.

"I'd like to. For now, let's just depend on dreams."

"I can work with that."

Dream tossed his mask aside, uncaring and apathetic to the piece of porcelain disguise. He gently pushed Fundy by the tip of his finger, to which the former feign to be toppled. He fell in the middle of the tall peonies and lavenders and tulips. Dream joined a second after, right next to Fundy. Bliss, this is what he Fundy would call it. He felt less tensed, less mangled on fear. He had spent sleeping hours just shaken, because his fears conquered him alone. Taunting him because he was alone. Preyed on every part of him alone. But now he had a chance, to dwell int eh shrot grass, be crowned royalty in a field of flowers and feel less on his own. Fundy closed his eyes, as the smell of morning dew hit him.

And he woke up, lied curled up next to Yoghurt. And with a flower in his palm. A rose. He already wants to sleep, no matter the chance of being in the desert again. He wants to see the sunshine in the field of flowers more than anything.

#fundy #itsfundy #dreamwastaken #fundywastaken #dream SMP #dsmp #dsmp fic #i guess #request #my god i had this idea float aroudn in my head for so .logn and now it has rraurfaced in my mind #thank you????#iys a bit dialouge heavy #ita late and this was on my phoen jsnteas of on desktop #sjdnejdn so sorry ifnitis shit

71 notes · View notes

infinitegalahad · 3 years

Note

Hi! Request with prompt “i’m not jealous!” “you’re clearly jealous.” With nixon please? I love jealous nix! Lol 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 You’re the best!!!

WASHING MACHINE HEART

Prompts: "I'm not jealous!" and "You're clearly jealous"

Gif Credit: @andrewhaldane

Summary: Nothing ever lasts forever, everybody wants to rule the world. You are pretty much the only person who could change the way Lewis operates, and that's exactly what you do-change him.

Word-Count: 4.8k

WARNINGS!!!: semi-not healthy relationship, alcohol abuse, investment to lovers, sugar daddy/baby, semi-age gap (21-28?), a

Notes: Life lesson learned. Never listen to Mitski or Lana Del Rey when having thoughts about Lewis Nixon being your sugar daddy? Why you may ask? Because it will destroy you. This request was so fun to do, thank you op! I haven't written for Nixon before, so I apologize if he's a little too OOC. Also warning, this is defiantly not the most healthiest relationship, and I realize that. But they try to make it work. Also while writing this, I listened to @web-gott's lewis Nixon playlist and all of her playlists r GREAT BUT THAT DESTROYED ME. great job ily. anyways enough rambles! enjoy!

Taglist: @tvserie-s-world @now-im-a-belieber @50svibes @ricksmorty @pennyllanne @ask-you-what-sir @web-gott

Masterlist | Send In A Prompt!

“You want me to be you’re what?”

Nearly spitting out drinks, Vat 69 mixed with vodka (A Nixon classic). It was quite a bizarre offer. Maybe Lewis had drunk too much, which was a common habit. But you made eye contact with him and he had a shit eating grin on your face. You let out an awkward laugh, and he followed suit.

You had been Lewis’s assistant operations officer since Caretan, there with him through a demotion, a divorice, and all of the other wonderful things that happened in his life. Not only was he your boss, but someone you confided in. He would confine in you, you would confide in him with stolen alcohol-it was a perfect example of mutualism. It’s as if you were his therapist at first, then a friend, and then a friend with benefits. Everything was kept under wraps, of course, for both of you to honor your diginites. Besides, you wouldn't wanna tarnish Lewis’s relationship with your father-considering that he was his boss, a Major general for the 101rst Airborne Division.

“A confidante. Companion. Confrère.” Nixon explained as he poured more vodka into your empty cup, which was not a good sign, “Miss Nixon won’t leave her baby boy alone. If I show her I have someone on my arm, she’ll shut up.”

“So let me get this straight. I go back home with you to New York, attend a party with you, be your arm candy, and you pay me?” You summarized his point, swimming the drink in your hands.

“Money, gifts, whatever you want, I can give you,” Lewis promised. He leaned against the railing as you looked at him. Your elbows grazed against each other. Resting your chin on your palm, you went deep into this arrangement.

The war had ended in The Pacific, so you could finally go home. As much as you were excited to leave and finally get back home, you’d miss Nixon. Sure, you’d be in Bronxville and he’d be Manhattan, only a train ride apart. Yes, he was a total asshole, but he was your asshole. The two of you had been together through thick and thin. Your parents would never approve of an alcoholic divorcee, but there was something inside of him that made you fill up with nervous excitement.

You could hear your mother’s voice, scolding you about the type of man Lewis was. Maybe he was a little too old, a little too broken, and a little too much for you, but that’s what attracted you to him. Over time, you learned that you and Nixon had much more in common. Both of you wanted to get away from your families. Hell, Nixon was paying for your college tuition at Sarah Lawenrece and when he had a weekend pass into Paris, you would come. For “work purposes”, but in all honesty it was for fine dining in Paris, shopping for the finest things in Champs-Élysées with Nixon, arm in arm wrapped under your finley manicured finger, and learning more about Miss Nixon’s best boy.

It was hard to let go of that. Everything he had done for you, and yet you were just friends with benefits. Still, after all you have gone through. It frustrated you. But after his divorce, you wanted to support him. He had lost everything, and without Dick, he was probably more lonely and hurt than ever. You wanted to be his comfort besides Vat 69. This arrangement could be an opportunity for the both of you. Maybe it would be more than an arrangement, but something bigger than that.

Lewis nudged your elbow as he raised a thick eyebrow, “Well, whatta’ say?”

“I say, why the hell not?” You accepted the offer, and the two of you clinked your drinks together. “So would we call this an arrangement? Be the pretty thing on your shoulder and you give me pretty things? Just like in Paris?”

“Just like Paris.” He reassured you, patting your shoulder. Sitting on a bench, he patted the spot next to you with his arm stretched out. “Sit with me?”

“Why I’d be honored too, good sir!” You dramatically stated for a comedic effect, which earned a smile from Lewis as you sat down right next to him. Moving close, both of your thighs caressed with each other. He adjusted and moved his free arm around you, bringing you close to him. You responded by laying your head on his chest, along with one of your hands.

Lewis didn’t say much besides drinking more from his cup, which kept getting refilled and gouged in seconds. There was a cold silence that filled the air. You kept adjusting in his hold, craving for that attention that wasn’t crude jokes or touch, but it always flew over his head. As he got lost in what the hell he was going to when he was home and the alcohol that poured in his system, you laid on his chest, waiting for that kiss, even though you knew that it wasn’t happening.

You closed your eyes as you laid there, pretending that Lewis was more than an arrangement for you.

The thing was, Lewis wasn’t dumb. He knew that too, but he didn’t know how to put it in words, so he used what he knew who to use best-money and gifts. Just as you always did.

A month after you had set up the arrangement, the two of you returned home. He went back to Manhattan, you went to Boxnville to attend Sarah Lawernce. Two months later, the week before you’re to head off to see your family in Florida, Nixon finally chooses to call you. After he ignores all your calls, letters, everything-he finally chooses to be a man. It doesn’t even feel like a relationship, which is what you wanted it to be. All of the effort you have made has gone to waste. Lewis looks as if he wants to keep it in an arrangement.

Normally, you’d appreciate the cash and all the lavish gifts, but money didn’t buy happiness.

His offer was simple. The Nixons were throwing a party at the Tribeca Rooftop, and it was bound to be full of every socialite in the Tristate area. Lewis asked for you to accompany him for the weekend. Separate rooms if you wanted, all of the dinners paid for by him, in exchange he gets arm candy and you get all the money you need. You considered using it to pay for rent, but after all-Lew was paying for everything, despite there being ignored communication.

It was hard to pass, and you were frustrated. But despite it all, you took up the offer. It was better than being stuck with your parents.

Once you accepted the offer, Lewis drove his Buggati down to Bronxville to pick you. You lived in a cramped apartment with a bunch of other Journalism majors. Seeing him outside of the window, you opened your window and waved.

“Look at what the devil dragged in.” You spat with a smile.

Lewis looked up at you, wearing those damn aviators he got in Austria. They had also been the ones that you had picked up for him, so it must have been sentimental.

“There you are,” He said, leaning against his car, “You coming?”

“Give me a minute!” You called and closed your window. Grabbing your keys and bag, you walked out of your room and towards the exit, only to see all of the girls who lived in your apartment ushered, admiring whatever the hell Nixon was to you. A friend, a sugar daddy, you truly had no idea.

One of the girls turned her head back to you, smirking as he leaned against the doorframe, “So, you’re the lucky one?”

You looked at her, slipping your boots on and tying them, “For?”

“A weekend in the city with a man who’s got money. Fancy dinners, fancy things, almost anybody would want it,” She explained, a tint of jealousy in her voice, “Just don’t come back pregnant.”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” You confirmed. Once you finished getting your coat on, you waved goodbye to your flatmates, who all begged for you to bring nice things back to you, and even a man for them. The thought you made it chuckle, since they were truly all naive to what it was really like to be treated as an investment.

Walking down the stairs, you were greeted by Lewis, slouched on the front of the car and upon seeing you, straightened up. He began to walk towards you, and so do you. For once, he had cleaned himself up and looked like he was taking care of himself. It took you by surprise when he pulled you into a one armed hug, wrapping around your neck. You met with his chest, taking in his expensive cologne.

“Hey,” He mumbled into your shoulder as he held you close. Maybe for warmth, you thought. “I missed you.”

The cold layer you had felt upon seeing Lewis again had suddenly melted away. Normally, he wasn’t so sentimental. He was sarcastic and witty, but this time-he was different. Kinder, softer, just a little sadder. You put a hand up his armpit, also holding him close.

“Guess I did too,” You responded back. Breaking from the hug, the two of you looked at each other. You chuckled to yourself, not really knowing how to fill the silence.

“I’m glad you took up the offer, by the way.” Nixon added on. It made you look up and shrug your shoulders.

“It’s not like I wanna see my family.” Your shoes moved around on the icy ground, swishing the ice to the side. You were happy to see him, but there was just something about Lewis that was always sad. The same could be said about you, but he looked exhausted. Drained, emotionally and physically.

“Yeah, me either. But you make it tolerable,” Lewis said as he took your bag out of your hands, putting it on the back seat. The two of you got into his car. Before he started the car, Lewis threw a velvet case at you. You were taken by surprise and looked at him.

“Open it,” Lewis nudged his head.

Puzzled, you carefully opened the case and smiled. It was the Willsonite sunglasses, the tinted tortoise shell ones you had seen in Austria when roaming the streets with Lewis.

“It’s what all the girls in the city wear,” Lewis explained. He had picked out his gift with precision and care. Normally, all the girls would buy sunglasses for cheap at a stand at the beach, but hell-you were with the Lewis Nixon after all.

You put on the sunglasses and turned to Lewis, the glasses gently sliding down the bridge of your nose. “Is this your apology for neglecting me?”

Lewis leaned back, looking regretful. “I sent money, I sent the Mademoiselle perfume every month, I’m taking care of you-”

“That’s not what I want. I don’t-” You let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of your nose. It was easy to get angry, but you contained yourself, trying to hide your anger. “I love the gifts, but I want one thing. You. I want to actually spend time with you.” You bit your lip, and the only reason you were going to say it was to keep Lewis, “I’m supposed to be your arm candy, aren’t I?”

“You’re more than arm-candy to me, y/n. I enjoy your company. You’re a great kid.” Lewis began to explain his case. His sunglasses fell down his face, revealing the eyebags, “I didn’t want you to know that I went to rehab.”

“What do you mean? That’s all I wanted for you.”

“I know-it’s just. It wasn’t pretty, and you’ve got a lot going through you. I didn’t wanna drag you down with me.”

Guilt tugged at your head. The last thing you wanted to do was make Lew feel guilty. The only way the arrangement was going to work is if Lewis got the help he needed. He repressed his problems, and you were stubborn and weren’t going down with a fight.

“Lew,” You cooed as you put your hand on his. He looked at you as you inhaled and exhaled, “I don’t give a shit about whether it was pretty or not. I’m just glad you’re getting help. Take the worry off of my back. I care, y’know.”

Lewis put his hand on top of yours and his dark eyes connected with yours. He looked deep into your soul as you sat there, a smile on your face. It was your motto to just sit and act pretty. It was backwards, but If it was for Lewis, then it had to work.

“You make everyday worth living.”

You were unable to respond, frozen. The ice barrier that you surround yourself with had melted away. The one thing in your mind was a kiss. It seemed appropriate. As you began to slowly lean forward, not to scare him away, Lewis removed his hands and put them on the wheel as he began to back out of the parking lot. You sat there, your hands once we’re Lewis rested.

“Let’s have a good weekend, okay?” Lewis says, and you clench your hands together. Putting on a smile, you put on the facade of the arm candy. It’s all a part of the game.

“I’d like that a lot,” You commented and moved towards the window. Putting your sunglasses back on, it earned a smile from Lewis as he drove the car. Now both you matched.

“I like those on a lot,” He complemented, “They bring out the shape in your face.”

You moved them down, winking at him. “My oh my. Someone’s coquettish today.”

The two of you chuckled as you drove down the road. As you merged onto the highway and saw the traffic, you made a polite request.

“Can we go down the west side highway instead of the FDR please? It gets down to Tribeca faster.”

“Sure,” Lewis said, his hand resting on the wheel. “Anything for little miss/mister y/n.”

You leaned against the window and smiled to yourself. You should’ve been happy, you had everything you ever wanted.

But the one thing-Lewis’s love.

Lewis’s apartment in Tribeca was wonderful, located on the top floor of the most expensive building in the city with glorious paintings, velvet chair, and a built-in fireplace and bar. For such a large place, it was empty, all besides his Daschuand puppy named Pepper. He got the dog since he felt lonely, but made your heart twitch. He let you choose whatever room you wanted, despite the look in his eyes. So, you choose to sleep with him in the master bedroom.

That night, you expected Lewis would want to have sex, but he wasn’t in the mood. Normally, that’s what it was. Fucking and money. But Lewis had changed. He just felt you close in bed, and the two of you walked about mundane things. Pepper, of course, slept in the bed since she was Nixon’s little girl. You fell asleep in his arms, and enjoyed the change of the pace.

The next morning, Lewis took you down to a restaurant on the water. When ordering drinks, he asked for a bloody mary-virgin. You ordered a mimosa-virgin as well.

“You realize that’s just orange juice, right?” Lewis commented as you leaned over the table.

“And you’re drinking raw tomato juice,” You snarked back, which made Lewis smirk. You saw the change in him from yesterday and today. So, you decided to question further. “So, did you quit?”

“Trying. Whenever I think of doing it, I think of you, throwing out every single bottle in my cabinet and threatening to leave me. And I don’t want that, so go figure.”

Under the table, Lewis’s legs crossed and held the ankle of your foot. You felt your cheeks grow pink, grasping onto the napkin on your nap.

“Why me by the way? Think about it. You’re a hermit socialite, I’m a college student. Those two don’t click well together,” You itched the back of your neck.

Lewis looked at you, his leg itching up your ankle. He thought you were joking as he furrowed his thick eyebrows. He stopped, straightening his posture. “Well you, my dear, are someone that isn’t easy to forget. I like making you happy. Also, who else would be paying your rent and tuition?”

“Myself.”

“Waste of money.” Lewis threw his hand up to shrug off the matter, “Where’s the fun in that?”

The waiter came over and put your drinks down. Lewis gave the waiter a thank you as you laughed to yourself. He was really good at playing his role.

“Y’know, you’re good at this stuff. The whole sugar daddy thing,” You let out a snort, taking a sip at your drink.

“I like making others happy. That’s what money does. Not for yourself, but others. When I take you shopping and I see your eyes light up, that’s what makes me happy,” Lewis acknowledged. The two of you looked at eachother. Not in that joking way, but it was romantic. Sweet. He loved to see you happy, and you loved to see him sober. It worked.

“Also, wherever you wanna go today, I’ll take you. But I do have one rule.”

“And what is it?”

“We stop at Lord and Taylors. I have another surprise in store.”

The surprise in store turned out to be an outfit for the Nixon’s party. It was nothing too flashy, but regal enough to make you feel like you were out of a fairytale. His goal was to make you the belle of the ball, and he never failed to under the assignment.

Nixon's party was what you expected it to be. Awkwardly meeting Lewis’s parents and his mother giving you a death glare, seeing the dark haired solicates drink, a jazz band, and the best part of the party-Blanche. She was the only one besides Nixon without a stick up her ass. Most of the party you and Nixon were arm in arm. You would occasionally lean against him, yearnin for his attention, but he’d be too busy with the supply of Vat 69.

You had that feeling in your gut, and it wasn’t a good one. It made you sick, anxious, nervous-all around horrible. The more he drank, the more the pit in your stomach would drop. So you went outside onto the patio to catch some fresh air, to be alone and stroll around. Hell, you were even wearing Nixon’s jacket and clutching to it like a child to it’s comfort blanket.

Strolling across the patio and watching the skyline, your moments of peace were interrupted by the distant yellings coming from a room with an open door. You walked down the line, realizing that the voice was Nixon’s.

“An escort at this party? Lewis, you usually disappoint me, but this is unacceptable!” An older gentleman cried, setting down his scotch.

“Do you see the way they were dressed! What a vixen…” A woman cried, who you presumed to be Miss Nixon herself.

“There is nothing like that. They chose to come-”

“Stop lying to yourself. Someone of that age and you, someone with money, is a recipe for disaster. How much do you pay them to accompany you?”

The words kept breaking your heart. You leaned against the window, as fishguard as you were, listening to every single world.

Under pressure, Lewis threw his hands up, “Fine. You know what? You’re right. I pay for what y/n wants. To make them happy and for them to accompany me. They are nothing more than an investment to me.”

Those words cut like ice, like a bullet to the heart. A hand wrapped around your mouth as he pushed away and began to walk away, unable to listen to another word. An investment! How pathetic you felt to think that after all this time, everything you had been through together, everything he had brought you was all for nothing. Just like you had been told, Nixon was using you for your youth or as a way to cope with his many divorces.

Naturally, you would have felt like running out of the place and getting on the next train to Bronoxville, never seeing Nixon again. But there was anger in your heart that burned brighter than any fire you had seen. The ice surrounded your heart once more. It was a party, after all. And you didn’t want to leave without leaving a mark. After all, you 're a vixen.

Long story short, you stormed back into the party and met another young soilciate. Typical asshole with too much money and his way paid into an Ivy League. You didn’t even catch his name as the two of you conversed, and he kept the alcohol pouring. The two of you sat on a couch, and he eventually cozied up to you, wrapping an arm to pull you close. Just as he was on the topic of bringing you to Montauk to the summer, Nixon, of course, had come by.

“Hey, smartass. What the hell are you doing?” Nixon spat, the alcohol evident in his voice.

Smartass was now his name, and you couldn’t even remember it. Smartness looked up at Nixon, shrugging, “Talking to this pretty little thing. Why don’t you go back to drinking and ruining your family name?”

That comment was enough to make Nixon throw a punch, once again bring shame to his family, and get the two of you kicked out of the party. Lewis tried to talk to you, but you ignored every word he said until you reached the apartment.

“What is your problem?” Nixon asked, closing the apartment door. You threw off his jacket, throwing it onto the ledge of the loveseat.

You let out a snort at his unbelievable behavior. He acted as if he did nothing wrong.

“Are you serious? What is your problem!” You hissed back, “You can’t control yourself in drinking, let alone with me hanging out with other men. Face it, you’re just some spoiled , jealous, alcoholic.”

Lewis ignored all of those other comments and chose to focus on the most petty of them. “I’m not jealous!”

“Ha! You clearly are!” You quickly quipped back, walking towards him as he pointed your finger at his chest. “Look at you! Getting all angry, throwing punches. Just for a little investment! After all, I’m just what you use when you need a distraction from all of your other life problems. Just like all of your failed marriages.”

Your eyes began to feel watery and you spun around, biting your lip as he attempted to hold it together. This hurts more than you wanted it to, and no matter what you did, the waterworks wouldn’t stop.

Despite being drunk, Lewis could sense what he did was wrong, and he fucked up-bad. He was drunk, frustrated, and had no control of what he was doing.

“Y/n, I didn’t mean that.”

“Like I mean anything to you,” You sniffled, wrapping your arms around yourself, “The only reason I came was because I wanted...something more than an arrangement. I, fuck-love you, damnit.”

There was a silence in the room, and you felt cold. Goosebumps trailed all over your body as you bit your lip to contain your sobs. Suddenly, a pair of arms held your shoulders and turned around. Knowing it was Nixon, you wanted to punch him, but your head fell into his chest as you let out a long sigh.

He rested his head in your hair, wrapping his arms around your waist and bringing you close to his warm body.

““I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that but yeah, I love you too.” Nixon said into your hair, drawing circles into your back. “How mad would you be if I kissed you?”

“Absouetly fucking furious.” You tilted your head up as Nixon grabbed your chin, and your lips collided. It was a beautiful and messy lip with lounges smearing against each other. The messier it got, the more passionate it was. Eventually, the kiss calmed into a fiery disaster into a slow moving dance. Through the kisses, you let out a moan, which made Nixon’s hand go lower down your back. You separated from the kiss to catch some air.

“Why’d you stop, my dear?”

You playfully slapped his chest, “You’re lucky you’re hot. Can we go to bed, please?”

The older man swooped you and carried you to bed, treating you like the royalty you were. Once you were placed in bed with Penny by your side, Lewis crawled in next to you, holding you close.

“That’s why I asked you to come, y’know. I wanted to tell you, but I thought you’d say no.”

“For someone so smart, you don’t pick up on cues. Lewis Nixon, I love you, but you’re an idiot sometimes.”

“I’m your idiot, dollface.” Nixon smiled, leaning his forehead against yours. You felt his body weight onto you as you patted his shoulder, giggling.

“Have you ever thought about how much worse our lives would be without each other?”

Lewis pressed little kisses into your hair before stopping his kissing parade to stare at you. He moved the bangs from your face, letting his hand rest on your skin. “The world could be on fire and I'd still be happy as long as I'm with you.”

Once again, Lewis brought you close and the two of you made passionate love. It wasn’t out of frustration or anger or a distraction, but it was raw, genuine, and emotional. It was all you ever asked.

A patterned knock on the door prompted you to stop unpacking the books from your book and to call, “Come in!”

Turning around, you saw Lewis walk in, along with Penny, who was scrambling in on her tiny feet.

“Well look at what the cat dragged in.” You smirked, and Lewis threw his arms up. He held a photo in his hand. You returned to putting the last of your textbooks on your desk, gently patting them down.

“How’s the unpacking going?” Lewis asked as he picked up Penny, who was squirming to attack your face with kisses. You walked over and gave both Penny and Lewis a quick peck. You admired your brand new Burkburnett Desk with Hutch. Photos, memorabilia from Europe, books, and pencils decorated your desk for school.

“Good. Turns out, living in a penthouse is a thousand times better than being a dormitory.” You said, leaning your shoulder against Lew’s as you played with Penny’s floppy ears. After some decision, Lewis had made your relationship official, but to both of your parents distaste. Your parents thought Lewis was a creep, his parents thought you were vixens. As Lewis said, the thanksgiving we're going to be interesting. So Lewis decided that you should move in with him, which you didn’t reject. Tribeca wasn’t that far from Bronoxville.

“Good girl/boy. I’m glad you already like it here.” Lewis cooed into your ear, placing a tender peck. “I got an addition for your desk.”

Lewis pulled the photo and showed you. A smile appeared on your face as you took the beautiful frame. It was a black and white photo of you and Lewis, having dinner on top of the Refinery Rooftop. Both of you had your hands together on the table, smiling as the sun set in the sky. Despite there being no colors, it was a breathtaking photo.

“I know just where to put this.” You breathed, walking towards your deck. Right next to your light and glasses was where the photo went. Next to it, a photo of Lew holding a two week old Pepper, a gift from Blanche. More like Blackmail according to Nixon, but you didn’t care. “There. Perfect. Now I’m all moved in.”

Lew snuck up behind you, snaking his hands around your waist as he rested his head on your shoulder. You leaned back with a subtle smile, putting one of your hands on his own.

“Since you’re here to stay, I was thinking of dining in tonight. Blanche’s coming over too.”

“She is?” You hummed.

“Yup. I Want to see the new place, since you came in and cleaned it up.” Lewis mumbled, “How does that sound?”

“That sounds great. Just peachy, Lew.”

You and Lewis fell in love during the war. You were there for eachother in your worst moments and pulled each other up when you both needed it most. But nothing is ever easy in life. You fight. It’s rough. You fight, breakup, kiss, and makeup. With Lewis’s recovery and your family disowning you, the path down the road won’t be easy. You know that you and Lew will face thousands of hardships, but it’s ok. You have each other, and it’s not perfect at all. But it works, and that’s all that matters.

#carrie writes #lewis nixon #lewis nixon x reader #lewis nixon imagine #band of brothers #band of brothers x reader #band of brothers imagine #band of brothers headcanons #band of brothers masterlist #lewis nixon headcanon

108 notes · View notes

saintobio · 3 years

Note

my first ask ( aaaaaa :D )!!

firstly, thank you so much for a great chapter this week, and all the chapters you’ve given us prior. you said you’re not satisfied with your writing, but your story may be one of the best ive ever read. up until i came across SN, i had never found a good chaptered x reader that interested me like SN did ( and im a pretty picky reader lmao ). so, even if you doubt yourself, i ( and im sure lots of others do ) think your writing is amazing.

secondly, ive thought about this for a while, but there’s certain songs i associate with SN and it’s characters now! recently, ive really been associating the song “Dark Red” by Steve Lacy with SN gojo and his feelings towards yn. especially the chorus : “Don't you give me up, please don't give up on me, I belong, with you, and only you, baby. only you, my girl, only you, babe x3, only you, darling, only you”. the fact that gojo practically says this to yn in the new chapter too ): . the song in its entirety describes his emotions towards his wife perfectly, but those lines in particular spoke to me the most ( you should listen to the song if you haven’t before. it’s been on tiktok a lot recently, so u may have already heard it!). another song i associate with SN is “Cameras/Good Ones Go” by Drake, which also has something to do with gojo lol. when it comes to “cameras”, i envision gojo saying the lyrics to sera (i thought about this long before he'd broken things off with her). like hes trying to console her. the lyrics, "Baby girl you need to stop it all that pride and self esteem got you angry about this girl I'm with in all them magazines” , “it looks like we’re in love but only on camera” give me flashbacks to when gojo was actually in love with sera, and made promises to leave his wife for her. after all, it was all supposed to be for show ( for the “cameras” when put in perspective of the song ) but that’s not the case now. for the second song, “good ones go”, I loosely connected it to gojo and yn, and I think the title is pretty self explanatory as to why asjdj. there’s a couple of other songs, but another main one is “Come into the water” by Mitski which I associate with yn and gojo. don’t worry, i won’t go into a full on analysis LMAOSOS but if you’re curious as to why, you should listen to the song and ALSOO look at the meaning of it :D

once again, thank you so much for this weeks chapter and your hard work. i know you get lots of asks as soon as your box opens ( I mean, here i am LMAO ), and i wont mind if you cant get to mine!! i hope you aren’t feeling too overwhelmed especially since you’ve been on such a consistent updating schedule. i also hope you’re taking care of yourself and your physical as well as mental well-being. supporting you always! <3

long compilation below

Anonymous said

I KNEW IT SMH I KNEW SHE WAS CRAZY. AND FUCK YUUTA CAUSE HE SHOULDA SAID SOMETHJNG.

But anyways...

The way that sera rly just cannot keep yn out her mouth 😒 and atp she just needs to start paying taxes on it. like its too expensive to just be tossed around like that babe🙄☝🏾 I feel like for someone "broke" she sure is worried about everything BUT getting her own money. And thats another thing.... SHES NOT BROKE FR. SHES JUST NORMAL. IDK WHY SHES SO PRESSED ABOUT IT. Idk if cursing yn is rly gonna get u more gains but whatever

I felt yn in this chapter tho cause I am so weak when it comes to emotions. Like if my mind was made up and then he goes and does that I would not know what to do. Cause like you did all this shit but at the same time youre dealing with your own shit. I just think it was unfair to yn.

Lastly eucalyptus can die in a hole cause who does that to an old woman. And so can gojos dad cause he's old and probably smells like someone tried to spray expensive cologne over a fart cloud😖

I get so sad whenever a chapter ends cause I wanna read more😭😭Im so impatient but it's literally worth the wait. Love your writing bae keep up the good work but only after you catch up on the zzs💗

@girlruby23 said

FINALLY GOT TO AN OPEN ASK😭

SAINT ITS BEEN THAT I WANT TO APPRECIATE YOUR WRITING.. YOUR WORK IS ASTOUNDING AND IT GIVES ME CHILLS EVERYTIME I READ IT .SN is one of the highlight of my week(sry for all caps, those are just my emotions) i had a question that i asked before but maybe it didnt reach you.

Do you believe in foreshadowing, have you foreshadowed something in any chapters that someone caught on perfectly?

Also sry im asking again but how many chapters are there for S1?

Also saint please take care. I know youve had a rough week with your health issues. So look after yourself. LOTS OF LOVE ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@oikawaandkuroostan said

A wonderful chapter, once again. Just, wow.

I am so amazed once again by how you portrayed Gojo and Y/N's changing dynamic, as well as adding the childhood flashbacks to show how connected they were.

TW for mention of abuse and violence below:

I was truly heartbroken to see when Gojo was begging for Y/N to hit him and scream at him. I know it was written in the story about how shocked y/n was when she realized how he was willing to subject himself to the abuse. Like, oh my god, it really hit me hard. I know we see that trope in a lot of media where men will say they're willing to subject themselves to the abuse of their partners just to get them to stay, but I don't think we realized how truly sad that is. And for Gojo, someone who was subjected to violence by his father, it's really sad. It's so sad to see how he believes this is what he needs to do just to keep people around.

And when his father beat him in the hospital? God, I knew it would happen, but I was still shocked. I'm just shocked by how horrible his family has hurt him throughout his life.

And Eula? Damn, I'm so upset. I had a sinking feeling she would do what she did, but her thought process? The whole "if she goes down, her family goes down" mentality? That's so scary and it goes to show the depths of how wretched she is (as well as how bad Sera could be). It's awful, because she's truly selfish. I thought she cared about her son and providing him with the tools, while she could benefit from him, but now I see she really doesn't care about anyone but herself. At least she recognizes that she's Gojo Sr.'s "karma".

Anyway, thank you again for such a well written chapter, you really had my attention all the way through. I'm always a fan, and you really inspire me in how I want to write.

Please make sure you take care of yourself, though, we in the Discord and your other fans are worried.

- Moni

Anonymous said

i can’t stand eula🤮 and sera🤮 and if sera just pulls up to the funeral uninvited i will literally scream bc WHO TF GOES TO A FUNERAL WHEN YOU’RE NOT INVITED?? 🤬 i dont wanna jinx it but i also feel like she’d make it about herself saying something like “i just wanted to be here for satoru🥺” when she gets kicked out🤬 and ofc she chooses to actually care for him and his feelings when he broke up with her🤬 i also hope eula gets her shit rocked because why would you strangle someone especially your husbands mom😒i hope yuuta snaps at his mom because that woman is crazy 😒 and y/n’s dad and gojos are so different from each other it hurts how different they are😮‍💨 y/n’s dad always puts her first and gojos is the complete opposite😬 and the royal party when they were 7 $:&:&/&£\€\€\^ it’s so cute 🥲 when he promised to marry her 🥲 and did they start greeting each other by kissing each other on the cheek? if so that’s so cute🥲 toji has got to be my favorite also🥺 he worries so much for y/n🥺 i hope his worm comes in soon tho😛 and i also saw your post about gojo wanting 2 kids and it reminded me about how sovieshu wanted kids that looked like navier i added a lot of emojis because it adds flair and also shows emotions so i hope you don’t mind but great chapter as always saint ❤️ you never fail to impress me😫🤝

Anonymous said

🕯 🕯 🕯

🕯 manifesting therapeutic 🕯

🕯 circle after the 🕯

🕯 recent chapter 🕯

🕯 🕯

rip nana- she didn't deserve that noooo eula why 🤺 and that scene with dadjo? i almost threw hands at my screen but am i really willing to sacrifice my phone for the likes of dadjo? absolutely not. i swear the moment i saw sera's name, i just let out a long ass sigh- she annoys me so much lol. her wanting to show up at the funeral gives me mixed feelings like miss maam that's nice of u to give ur two cents but i highly doubt ur presence is wanted bye. can i also just say that i love how you put so much effort into these characters and the storyline!! i could never write angst bc each time i do, i'll literally change the ending to a happy one 😭. i admire the way you wrote these characters in a way where the reader is able to feel what y/n feels throughout the entirety of sn- at least that's how i feel! that's not an easy thing to do as a writer and i really respect that! i hope that you're doing well btw :( you sounded really upset about those asks ksksks. stay safe and get some rest okay! <3

@lcveaesop said

reading Remarried Empress bc a lot of y'all have said it's similar to SN & i do agree! only that the empress is much more composed than y/n (bc obv she's an empress) and saint has written y/n to be more empathetic, selfless, and gentle.

I don't know who i hate more, sera or rashta? they're both entitled to anything good the world has to offer bc of their poor background (which i sympathize with bc it's sad, relatable, and they don't deserve it) but their greediness exceeds them which makes them unworthy of what they want.

sovier and gojo? kick them to the curb. idk how sovier will develop since im still on early chapters but gojo is forgiven bc.... BECAUSE.

the current chapter might give me y/n's condition considering how much the drama made my heart race😭 pls rest and take all the time if you need saint! even a hiatus if u want, u deserve it💛

guroyeu said

tw: death, s*ram and e*la 🤢🤢

waa my feelings towards gojo throughout this whole chapter was like riding a roller coaster 😭 i swore at him sm in my head but i couldn’t help but feel bad when he was begging yn. he rlly has been through a lot and i’m super glad we see so much more of what’s happening on his side (or family). i’m also rlly glad yn is being very brave, despite feeling nauseous throughout the whole situation. when i saw the warning for a minor character death then i KNEW IT WOULD BE NANA OMFGSG. but then at the same time i had to look away from the screen when it rlly was her that died 💀💀 i wish i wasn’t right this time LMFAO. eula is such a bitch too. there’s just so much to say about her and sera in this, but i’m sure all the readers are thinking the same about those 2 lol. AND i just laughed when sera thought naoya would be on her side when she mentioned toji. did she rlly think he would agree?? LMAO WHY WOULD HE WANNA HAVE A RUMOR THAT INVOLVED HIS OWN FAMLY’S COMPANY. seeing sera get shocked cause she expected him to agree with her was just so entertaining to me. also, this has to be my fav chapter. u did so well, ai <3

@moonlightaangel said

how dare you hurt us like this? 🥲 Nana was supposed to see Gojo’s and MC children, and now we’re all heartbroken 😭 fuck the s*rakatsuki, we need the e*lakatsuki now, how dare the scheming, conniving bitch kill Nana 😩 and i wanted to like Yuuta but if he doesn’t admit to what his devil of a mother did, i’ll never forgive him. thank you for throwing in the bit of comfort with Gojo accepting his mother’s comfort, i honestly i want him to forgive her 🥺 and hopefully he doesn’t blame himself. I need Gen to fly back to Japan and whoop E*la’s/S*ra’s ass, because she’s a queen who knows how to get shit done. please give us the satisfaction of throwing her fake ass in jail for manslaughter, heck, make it third degree murder for our sakes. i just want her to suffer without Gojo Sr.’s help. also i can’t believe he didn’t hear Eula telling her to shut up or Nana struggling, it’s amazing how much of a disappointment Gojo Sr. continues to be. Couldn’t even listen on the phone right either. I hope the autopsy shows it wasn’t cardiac arrest, even though I know it’s unlikely since they’re already talking about the funeral 🥲 Anyways, stan MC, Gen, and Gojo’s Mom for clear skin ✨ I know you tend to have over 300+ messages, so just know we love and care for you! Take good care of your body and take time to relax! Self care is a beautiful thing and we wouldn’t you to get burnt out! Take all the time in the world to write, because we’ll always be here to support you! 🤍

@my-reality-is-in-my-head said

Saint holy shit!! That was an amazing chapter why are u apologizing for its quality?! I THINK IT’S THE BEST CHAPTER YOU’VE EVER DONE SO FAR!! The way you amazingly wound together all the plot points, wrote them in such a heartfelt and exciting manner, GIRL I’M TELLING YOU I COULD NOT STOP SQUEALING BC OF HOW GOOD THE CHAPTER WAS!! IT’S MY FAVORITE SO FAR😭😭💜💜 Putting all the events that happened aside, I really can’t stop thinking how great the plot is 😭I’ve never ever read a fic this amazing i swear I shit u not. You deserve all the praise coming your way, AND PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY AND UNHOLY PLEASE STOP APOLOGIZING FOR YOUR WRITING BC YOU’RE DOING A REALLY GREAT JOB 😭😭💔💔 I don’t know how else to express everything I’m feeling rn bc I’m a bit incoherent after that chapter sjajiss but I want u to know that I love you!! 💜💜 Great job Saint! Rest properly LIKE PROPERLY AFTER THIS!!

@seai-o2 said

This ask may not be as important as the other ones you've been receiving but sjkffhkssk I've been itching to share to you that 'Somebody Else' by The 1975 fits Y/N so well 😩

Just imagine how the entire chorus speaks for Y/N and the plethora of emotions she's been keeping to herself while still allowing Gojo to meet Sera just because + the confusion kicks in on whether or not she should push through with the divorce, but this was before she finally decided.

"You said you'd find someone to take my place" - Then this phrase leads back to the moments where Gojo would continually remind her that she'll never be Sera no matter how hard she tries, ESPECIALLY ON THEIR FIRST NIGHT TOGETHER AND THE TRIP TO ICELAND (then ofc this all leads up to him regretting it kskskskdjs).

"and everytime I start to believe in anything you're saying I'm reminded that I should be getting over it" - This part is when (our hot daddy/the only man I'll ever commit arson for/everyone's baby/the walking temptation) Toji encourages Y/N to stand her ground and fight for herself too coz fuck knows she's got her own life on the line plus its not something to be taken lightly.

"Get someone you love? Get someone you need? Fuck that, get money, I can't give you my soul, 'cause we're never alone" - Ah yes, I get a strong vibe that this line is where Y/N starts to push Gojo away just for the sake of keeping her angina at a less life-threatening level. This also takes me back to the moments where Gojo would run after Sera and leave Y/N in the dark. Like when they were in Bora Bora, they even couldn't communicate and see eye to eye coz Sera was there, and how could Y/N commit herself to him when Gojo was clearly being half-assed at this part? 😭 (but hey, I'm loving every bit of the really heavy angst so BRING IT ON AUTHOR-CHAN!~).

I miss sending you asks omg AND I HAVE TO SAY THAT YOU'VE GOTTEN SO FAR SINCE remember, forever. I absolutey love how more and more people discover your written works, it makes me really glad to see the amount of supporters/readers you have 🙏 Please please pleeeaaaase take care and continually stay safe!~

All my love and support ٩(๛ ˘ ³˘)۶♥

@seashellmichellee said

ALDNAKDKAKS I REAAAAALLY WANNA PULL EULA’S HAIR UNTIL SHE GOES BALD HOLY SHIT ALSNAKSAKA THE AUDACITY OF THE PRETENTIOUS WOMAN!!!!!!! I CANNOT ALSJAKKSA AND HOLY HELL YUUTA 😭 I GET THAT SHE’S YOUR MOM BUT!!? ALSJKAA HNG I STILL WANNA BELIEVE THAT YUUTA WOULD TELL THE TRUTH COZ NANA IS SUCH A SWEET ANGEL AND IF HER DEATH WOULDN’T BE JUSTIFIED, IMMA STRANGLE EULA TO DEATH!!!! AND IMMA DRAG SERA ALONG SO GOJO & Y/N COULD LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AKDHAKXKSK

Anonymous said

hi Saint! i’m not gonna send a long analysis again this time but just know that this recent chapter left me speechless, in a good way.

I’ve been following you since the ufc fic was ending and honestly you’re one of my favorite writers on tumblr, I get so happy/excited to see notifications both from this blog and your main pop up on my phone. sometimes I see you apologizing bc you think that the writing in the chapters are not the best or bc of your delay in publishing, but pls don’t, bc I don’t want you feeling like you have to meet a certain standard for us readers, honestly anything that you produce is amazing and I’m sure that plenty people also think the same. and it’d be a shame if you ended up feeling like you can no longer enjoy a hobby that you’re choosing to share with the rest of us.

prettyy pls take a much needed break because your health, well-being and personal life is always a number one priority. you don’t owe us anything and if you feel like falling back for however long you need then you should do it, tumblr can wait!

have a good night/day depending on when you receive this!

-🦢

Anonymous said

Again a perfect chapter!! I loved it and it ended so shocking I couldn't believe. I'm feeling a little weird(Idk if its right word?) about what will happen next. Will satoru's dad find out? What will happen between satoru and y/n? Or What really naoya is planning? Andd yuuta plays an important role idk if he will tell. Even though it's right thing to confess I can understand because it's his mom. Also I'm a little worried about satoru he might think he really lost everyone and if he find out who did that his relationship with his father would be so much worse because basically he married with the woman. (honestly he has every right to do anything) Anyway, thank you so much for your hardwork and I'm sorry if I didn't make so much sense! Lastly I wanna add please don't push yourself too much. I know maybe ur hearing it too much but sometimes letting yourself, your mind relax is important. So give yourself a little free time sometimes. Have great day! 💗

Anonymous said

saint, good job with this week's update ( ,: i mean it every time I say it; thank you, for committing to your passions and being a joy to others through it.

One thing I wanted to really really highlight was the emotional connection that really blossomed in this chapter. I always knew yn and gojo had somewhat of a connection together, since they were each other's puppy love, but this last chapter really solidified their value for one another. The flashback from both their childhood scenes, I believe, will play a part in how yn and gojo's future will unfold. Seeing how he tries so hard to keep his childhood promises with yn, I dont see him taking his promise with yn's mom lightly - he'll probably try and commit to that till his grave. Yes, there's still so much to unfold... but I think because of this emotional connection that you established, I believe the future chapters would be that much harder for us, readers, to absorb the pain the characters will go through, but also for you, as the writer, to encapsulate all the detail and weight of the scenes that are to come. I believe yn stating her trauma with gojo was such a big step for both of them, and for their marriage. I know we are foreshadowing a divorce, but I also do believe in order for gojo to willingly let her go... he needs to know all of what he's done to her, and hear it from yn herself. It's good because the more yn reveals, the more gojo seems to be a slave to yn's heart; the more she shares her brokenness, the more he desperately desires to cling unto her. Imagine how painful it would be IF and WHEN these two lovers have to separate?

@propertyoftoru said

CHAPTER 13!!! MY HEART!!! YOUR SKILLS AS A WRITER??? HOLY SHIT??? IM SO ENVIOUS OF YOUR TALENT 😭😭 the EMOTIONS i went thru while reading this!! my heart was BREAKING for satoru like yeah i might’ve been mad at him for a bit but his groveling 😭 he just wants to be loved and he FINALLY TOLD US THAT. even during the smut i was smiling but also crying at the same time. he put his own selfish desires aside and opted to wear a condom because he knew it was what y/n wanted 😭 and he was so concerned when y/n said to slow down 😭 THE AMMOUNT OF ANGER I HAVE TOWARDS EULA?!!?!!?!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!! NOT NANA!!! LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE EXCEPT FOR NANA!!!! while i was reading that section i just kept whispering “pls no not nana” then the flash backs gave me WHIPLASH because the first flashback i was like AWWWW bb toru being an angel and making ANOTHER promise to take care of and marry y/n then the second flash back i was like GOD PLEASE NO. LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE BUT THIS. i just wanna take a second an admire your ability to make me form an emotional attachment here and literally feel my heart BREAK. NANA DESERVED BETTER 😭😭 i just hope satoru doesn’t lash out on yuuta if he does manage to find out the truth. poor bb didn’t do anything and i feel like he’s gonna get caught in the crosshairs 😭 those stinky rats eula and sera are gonna get what the deserve. (my foot up their asses) thank u for another amazing chapter 🥺🥺 i hope ur doing well and feeling better! 💕

Anonymous said

i really just want megumi, mai, and maki's reaction towards sera if they knew that she wasn't an ex but an affair. knowing you and your writing, if ever that happens in the future chapters, it would be GOLD i just know it. and poor megumi, that leech is latching on you and your father. get away you bitch, even the depths of hell wont accept you 🤺🤺

also i feel bad for yuuta rn, he seen all of that and HIS OWN MOTHER threatened him, then he got to keep the act all up i just want to hug him tight and assure him that everything will be okay in the end because (trust the author!). he must be traumatized and unstable like satoru right now, given that he has seen all that but decided to bottle it up. i do hope yuuta and satoru works together (somehow? i dont know but i want to see where their brotherhood goes 🤔) against all of the things happening in the gojou group right now. by this time, its only the two of them left to stop their family name from dropping down to the lowest levels in the business industry.

even though they are unstable right now they are the only 'stable enough person' to stop things from happening.

oh and sera becoming more and more confident? bitch put your confidence back to your own place you don't deserve at least a small ounce of it. don't even hold your head up high because the only thing you will be holding your head up high for is seeing yn succeed. (my superiority complex cant stand seras bullshit)

nonetheless, another great chapter from you and things are getting more and more promising now. two chapters left and i am excited to see where this one goes because everything is going downhill, but enough for the climax of the story to begin (seeing the dramas and problems happening here and there). and by that, i have a feeling that sn1 will end on a bad one then sn2 will still have drama but i think that'll be where resolutions happens on some part. (my theory ._.)

even so, ill put all my trust on you on the next chapters because i trust your judgement, outline, plot, plans, and character development. and also sorry if any of my words turned out offensive. ;-;

another great chapter, thank you saint. please take a great, great rest equivalent to this great chapter before you start writing again. you deserve all the time in the world because of how much effort i see you put into each of your works. please also use that same effort to take care of yourself. dont forget that! take care of yourself!

thats all my rants for this chapter, i hope its not annoying. ah, i wish for yuuta's happy ending too. baby boy needs happiness in his life if he is raised by a toxic person. :(

thats all, ily saint! take care of yourself!

Anonymous said

I have a theory

So if I read correctly (it’s 4am my brain is shutting down slowly) sera was looking for something to expose MC in public so she can face the public’s criticism.

If that’s true does she realise what effect this will have in her and Gojo? She’s so desperate to “eliminate” MC and while she looks down at her and tries to take her place by any means she doesn’t realise how everything will affect her.

If Sera exposes her affair with Gojo she doesn’t really realise that she and Gojo will be the ones facing negativity and not MC. Sure there will be people who will say that MC did something wrong to lead Gojo to cheat like that but usually in the public’s eyes it’s the mistress and the husband who are to blame.

Infidelity also is a very strong sign not to trust someone. And in business world trust is necessary for companies. Gojo’s dad obviously dislikes Satoru and he just need an excuse to kick him out of the company. So boom here comes sera and the affair here’s Gojo sr’s reason. And suddenly Satoru is disowned and is left with no job no money and a huge trauma. Does sera really think she will be able to climb in a higher status by “overthrowing” MC and taking her place, acting like the affair never existed. So basically her “revenge” on MC will be her downfall and she doesn’t seem to realise it..

I swear if someone from inside the Gojo household or Gojo’s mom or Sera or even an employee it will trigger so much events and suddenly the whole Gojo family will be exposed.

Satoru’s physical abuse

Yuuta’s emotional abuse

Eula’s true colours and actions

Gojo sr actions

It can be the end for the whole Gojo group.

I’m so excited to see how things will turn out..

Also does Sera actually think that she still has a chance with Satoru and that he still loves her or she’s just desperate to stay with him for her own reasons or she just doesn’t want to face reality?

@craftyfawns said

I thought sera was just a mild misogynistic pick me girl at first who shits on yn by being like ‘I’m unique~~~ Because I’m poor I’m not like other rich girls *cough yn cough*~~ but no, she’s just a straight up woman hater. Like she hates women. Compare what she thinks of naoya and toji to what she thinks of meredith (??) mai, and obvs yn, she just hates women.

Sera would be the kind of girl who would be like ‘i don’t believe in feminism bc i think we should believe in equalism’ and then proceed to never let gojo let his feelings out near her bc she’s also a believer of toxic masculinity 😐 i hate her

Anonymous said

BESTIEEEEE THAT CHAPTERRRRR🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Yuuta better snitch 🥲 I want justice for nana he I know he has those Oscar nominated acting skills from the manga 🤣🤣🤣 also one question my dear Saint, Does Gojo’s dad even love him? Because it looks to me like he just sees him as a tool and abuses him plus he’s always gushing about Yuuta. Like would he even care if his son was hurt seriously or something? And my new enemy is his bitch of a wife like I swear Yuuta you better snitch😩😩 you witnessed a killing and you know who did it please sing like a canary my love. You better sing soon or they’re going to say that you were a accomplice😩😩😩 then Gojo’s dad is really gonna be mad.

Anonymous said

Hi i just wanted to drop by and share a few thoughts. I’ve read a lot of different fanfiction by many different creators. But you are definitely among the few that have actually stood out! Your language and general way of writing is amazing! As much as I appreciate the way you describe characters and their growth/emotions I am love with the way you set a scene/world. I could write an essay honestly but I’ll spare you😋

All in all I am a fan!!!!

thesupernotsosecretblog said

i feel like sera will manipulate gojo into thinking it's mcs fault for nanas death bc she announced the divorce or lie about mc having an affair w toji😕 she'll probably say something like she did in bora bora when they found out about the birth control :/ and then gojo being in an emotional state will believe her and reveal the truth about the merger and say that everything he told her in this chapter was a lie😕 and maybe this all happens at nanas funeral and she has an angina attack but she gets called an attention seeker by sera/gojo so the zenins help her and toji tells gojo to stay away from mc

Anonymous said

And suddenly I forgot how to talk/ type

This chapter i swear I cried

Imma start with Satoru and I’ll be completely honest. I HATED him. Like I wanted him to suffer but reading the last two chapters and his trauma I actually feel bad for him. He’s so devastated I can’t even think about him-

I was so worried about Y/N in this character. Things got so emotional that i was almost sure that she would have an “angina attack”

Sera. I wanna slap her so bad. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GIRL. Also did sera really not understand that Satoru is done with her and their relationship? But anyway I’m stopping here because there is much more important stuff than a bratty woman who can’t face reality.

Another person who deserves to be punched: Gojo sr. He PUBLICLY beat up his son he’s like a child who can’t control his emotions. Hope he gets his Karma eventually 👀👀

Yuuta my poor bby is so confused I feel bad for him

Mai meeting sera. The queen gave her what she deserves. 0 attention

Toji being caring friend melts my heart but after one of your asks I’m scared to trust him anymore. Still team Toji though😂😂

Naoya I can’t with this man. Honestly what is he doing…

And the worse for last. EULA WHAT THE

Like she calls others monsters but she legit KILLED someone innocent. SHE DESERVES THE WORSE KARMA. Hope something triggers an investigation for Nana.

R E S T. I N. P E A C E. N A N A.

Anonymous said

ngl i havent liked satoru one bit in the sn, hes just been a massive dick but god do i feel sorry for him. his mother left him,, his dad started abusing him, his stepmom is a vile goldigging women and the only person who he could rely on was nana but she got killed by his fucking stepmom. i definitely think that the way he turned out is because of his family. Say his mother took him with her or she stayed then i dont think he would have ended up so traumatised.

also i’m to see whether yuuta tells them about his mothers deeds, i sure do hope he does and i would also want to see how gojo and y/n react to it.

@sachiochan said

oh man waking up this early only to read this is like... waking up to a news broadcast 😭😭 oh man where do we start, eula killing her mother in law, y/n maybe changing her mind, or dadjo physical abusive nature?? perhaps we start with the beginning, dude I thought out of an accident, like at the Gojo's house everyone gathered + y/n, they were discussing the divorce proceedings and then begging y/n to change her mind then dadjo starts physically abusing Satoru afterwards like Nana steps in but Dadjo whacks her by accident then he kept seeing red and accidentally killed her. Man by far this exceeded my expectations, I am so fuckin glad that now we have something to get Eula with like bitch is gonna get her fucking retribution and karma hoho but rest in peace Nana 😭 I think theres a high chance y/n will change her mind after what she saw like, dadjo abusing satoru, nobody helping him and stuff and she will change her mind secretly and noboy knows, then Satoru's mum and her will take care of him and bring him to recovery slowly but then again, I think all that news at night is bound to traumatise him to the point it shatters him and he just becomes an empty shell temporarily, before and after Nana's wedding for a indefinite amount of time. I think Dadjo wasnt raised with love tbh thats why hes like that but no point discussing a loser like that 😒 like he may has his own pains but like, thats no reason for u to physically abuse ur 1st son bitch. good chapter, i really loved it with y/n and gojo's "try to make up but fail" stuff and well, this isnt a disappointing chapter, just a very sad one ❤️

Anonymous said

hey saint! it was an amazing chapter, as always! i can't believe you were saying that this chapter would have the worst writing when it's a masterpiece!

the whole plot is getting more and more intense and tbh what happened here is even more interesting than satoru and yn's romance😭😭 i felt like i was watching a movie and i think it's one of the things that got me addicted to sn. only having romance can get pretty boring (even tho i could never be bored with the way you write your stories)

i don't even know where to start but EULA PRISON ARC WHEEEEEEEN

i think yuuta is too sweet to keep what he saw to himself. he's not like his mother and (i think you said that?) he even judges her for the awful things she does

also sera leveling up in the clown game HAHAHAHAHA the funerals are gonna be wayyyyy too interesting and im ready to see her getting put in her place by gen, satoru, yn AND literally everyone there (naoya>>>>>>>)

i feel like the next chapter is gonna be the last one with A LOT of drama before we can move on to the end

once again, thank you for always giving us the best

don't forget to take care of yourself♡

Anonymous said

GIRL I WAS LEGIT CRYING THE WHOLE CHAPTER. THE. WHOLE. CHAPTER. OK SOOOO (TW : SERA & EULA) THAT BITCH SERA OMG I SWEAR SHE BETTER NOT DO ANY MORE DAMAGE. SHE'S DONE ENOUGH. SHE NEEDS TO STAY FAAARRR AWAY FROM GOJO & Y/N ISTG I WILL TRANSPORT TO THE STORY AND END HER MYSELF. EULA GIRL I–. I REALLY YUUTA SNITCHES ON HER. THATS ALL IM SAYING. Ok but back to the main pair, I hope gojo & y/n start healing tbh. I know it's bound to get even more angsty, and you can take your time with that since it's ur story, but I do wish them the best. I was in so much pain for the two of them this chapter omg. As always, please, please, please take all the time you need to rest. It's not healthy if you keep pushing yourself just to catch up to a deadline. Please ALWAYS put your health first before anything. Amazingly chapter as always saint! <33

Anonymous said

so i couldn't send this after chapter thirteen was published but i was listening to tolerate it by taylor swift and it reminded me so much of gojoy/n. mainly the bridge and the chorus that says:

"you assume i'm fine / but what would you do if i, i / break free and leave us in ruins / took this dagger in me and removed it / gain the weight of you then lose it / believe me, i could do it / if it's all in my head tell me now / tell me i've got it wrong somehow / i know my love should be celebrated / but you tolerate it"

i feel like this is exactly what's happening. she is breaking free of that marriage and trying to be happy and healthy. the "gain the weight of you then lose it" reminds me of gojo tbh. like he realizing she understands him, his trauma and his pain but she is leaving him and that is destroying him.

anyway, love the story. you are an amazing writer. hope you are feeling better, please take care of yourself. <3

hiiiii you guys thank u for sending these through i’m always having lots of fun reading through them <33 🥺🥺

#saintobio.asks #series: sincerely not

35 notes · View notes

officialleotolstoy · 3 years

Text

Oh Natasha/Andrei brainrot we’re really in it now, aka Natasha/Andrei playlist annotations!

Honestly the age gap is so inherently uncomfortable it’s difficult for me to really ship this but I think in terms of the REALLY low bar of W&P marriages/almost-marriages, it’s one of the better ones because they at least mutually care about each other. It’s also just devastating on principle!

There are several distinct sections of song on here, this is one of the few I’ve actually put in a significant order, so I’m going to break it down into that.

Part 1: Initial Meeting/Falling In Love The First Time/General

Absolutely Smitten - dodie

“She wants to dance around the room, kiss you until her lips turn blue”

This song really reminds me of their first meeting when they’re both like 👀 at each other. I like how it captures the excitement but also nerves of the girl, which I feel like is an important feature of Natasha’s part of the relationship.

Helpless - Philippa Soo

“Tryin' to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom”

Sorry to all the ex-Hamilton stans I jumpscared with this, but it’s about the Philippa Soo Singing About Falling In Love vibe. Also the quoted lyric reminds me of their iconic dance scene, or at least the bits leading up to that.

To Noise Making (Sing) - Hozier

“Honey, the look of it was as sweet as the sound; Your head tilt back, your funny mouth to the clouds”

This reminds me of the scene where she sings for him and he’s like WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH im in love! I paraphrase, but you get the idea.

Golden Years - David Bowie

“Look at that sky, life's begun”

This is objectively the stupidest song on here. It’s here because I think it’s funny to imagine the iconic Natasha/Andrei dance just being the Golden Years dance from A Knight’s Tale, HOWEVER the quoted lyric is in fact Andreicore.

Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You - The Arctic Monkeys

“And I know we got places to go, we got people to see/Think we both oughta put 'em on hold”

‘Wren there are several songs that are on this playlist AND your Andrei/Pierre playlist’ Thank you for noticing it’s because if Tolstoy can recycle the same lines of dialogue for these relationships I can recycle the same songs! This song is just. I Hate Everyone Except You :) which is deeply Andrei @ both of them. But also like wanting life to stop so you can just hang out with Your People.

Strawberry Blond - Mitski

“I love everybody because I love you”

I’m pretty sure someone once pointed out how this lyric fit Andrei/Natasha once in a post and I cannot for the life of me remember who but that made an impression on me. Mystery person, thanks <3 Also I forgot this was a Mitski song??

The Anchor - Bastille

“Bring me some hope by wandering into my mind”

One of Thee things about their relationship that sticks out to me is how Natasha is so lifelike and her very existence gives Andrei hope for the world. It’s so. It’s so much!

Something After All - Starry

“You’ve turned my world around”

Like I said above, falling in love with Natasha really changes Andrei’s entire worldview! I also think “I've spent years building up walls” is very Andrei, and Natasha kind of brought them down, like what happens in the song.

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

“A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes”

IT’S ABOUT THE SPACE METAPHORS FOR LOVE. THIS IS NO ONE ELSE FROM GREAT COMET’S FAULT.

Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

“I know I am a cold cold man: quite slow to pay you compliments or public displayed affections”

It’s about being generally not very emotional or expressive but being devoted to the person anyway...very Andrei-ish.

Ophelia - The Lumineers

“I don't feel nothing at all and you can't feel nothing small”

The quoted lyric just seems like a really good summary of their dynamic, but I also think “Heaven help a fool who falls in love” works well for bitter post-elopement vibes, so this song was difficult to place.

Part 2: Andrei Leaving For Abroad

Misbehavin’ - Pentatonix

For some reason this is on both the Nat/Andrei and Natasha playlists and I’m too lazy to change it. Just go look at those annotations.

No One Else - Great Comet

Duh

To a Poet - First Aid Kit

“I got on a plane and flew far away from you, though unwillingly I left”

This song makes me think of Andrei abroad missing Natasha :( Honey you’ve got a big storm coming

Part 3: Post-Elopement Breakup Songs

I Hope Your Husband Dies - Amigo The Devil

“All the distance that we've spent apart will never have to mean a thing”

This song is VERY much Andrei about Anatole. “Now you're with this asshole, you expect me to believe it's going to last” really works because her relationship with Anatole was never going to last, whether or not she knew that. And “I'm not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I've had enough/And time and time again, time reminds me you'll never be my own/We'll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home” as an Andrei thing makes me very sad!!!

Ruins - First Aid Kit

“Ruins, all the things we built assured that they would last”

I think you can safely say their relationship was in ruins after the elopement attempt. I also think “I lost you, didn't I? First I think I lost myself” is something Natasha would think about the whole scenario

Half of My Heart - John Mayer

“Half of my heart's got the right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you with half of my heart”

I think this is supposed to be more of an “I don’t love you anymore and that’s on me” song, but I like to mentally frame it in the context of Andrei after the elopement refusing to take back Natasha. I also think all the bits about the singer’s love interest changing the singer’s outlook on life before really fits, like “Lonely was the song I sang 'til the day you came, showing me another way”

Love Like Ghosts - Lord Huron

“You don't want me baby please don't lie/Oh but if you're leaving, I gotta know why”

It’s all about the singer being haunted by a love that doesn’t necessarily reciprocate on the same level, and I think that really fits Andrei’s mindset. It breaks my heart to think about him trying to figure out what he did wrong, why he wasn’t enough for Natasha, and so that quoted lyric really makes me just. :(

Cold Day In Heaven - Delta Rae

“Keep thinking bout when we started, so innocent/Your heart was a mess and I was lost in it”

This whole song is so good for them, it’s essentially just a couple being disappointed that their relationship didn’t work out well. The quoted lyric is so. AAAAHHH. because both of their hearts were messes but for different reasons, Andrei was so hopeless and bleak but Natasha was so naive and not ready for it and it’s so. It’s so Much. Also “We watched, the stars fell, and oh you know we let them/We said it’ll never happen, we said it’ll never happen to us/But it’s a cold day in heaven my love” gets me because 1) star/sky references :( and 2) Natasha especially did say it’d never happen to them, she was adamant that she’d love Andrei forever and that uh. I think we all know how well that worked out!

2 Months. - Zach Adkins

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

“I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug”

This is kind of a generic betrayal/breakup/I-miss-you song, but I think it works. Especially with “I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain” and the focus on the singer’s lover getting them through difficult times and then abandoning them.

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

“Take me back to the night we met”

I think people are legally obligated to have this song on any playlist for a couple that doesn’t end well. It’s generic but it’s good! The entire Strange Trails album my BELOVED!

Careless Whisper - George Michael

“I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I'd been given, so I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. I think it’s the focus on dancing as like a significant marker of the relationship for me, especially given how heavily adaptations focus on their dance at that ball. The quoted lyric reminds me of Natasha’s mindset after all of this. Also “We could have been so good together, we could have lived this dance forever, but now, who's gonna dance with me? Please stay” reminds me of Natasha asking him to forgive her. Not to actually get sad over Careless Whisper but. :,(

With Or Without You - U2

“And you give yourself away”

The quoted lyric is in reference to the elopement in my head, and “I can’t live with or without you” is like. Andrei can’t continue on and let her back into his life, he admits that he can’t forgive her, but he also has no real will to live after she betrays him and goes off to die in war.

Atlantis - Seafret

“We've built this town on shaky ground”

“This town” is in reference to their relationship, and I like the acknowledgment that there was never a great foundation to begin with. And “maybe I’m not built for love” as an Andrei lyric is a little heartbreaking! Other than that it’s just a Breakup Song.

I Don’t Wanna See You Cryin’ Anymore - Adam Melchor

“I don't wanna be the reason you can't trust me like before/My head's in my hands as I'm shaking on the bathroom floor”

This reminds me of Natasha’s deep guilt over her betrayal of Andrei. The implication that Andrei would ever let anyone see him cry is a bit much for me, just ignore that HFJAHDHSH

Part 4: Reconciling While Andrei ✨Dies✨

Fake It - Bastille

“We can never go back, we can only do our best to recreate”

This whole is song is about trying to move forward from bad things in the past with your lover which is the whole vibe! But I also think it shows some reluctance on the part of the singer to forget, and a bit of a desperation to be able to leave the mistakes in the past. “Help me turn a blind eye” really captures that. I like this as the early stages of them reconnecting, because I think it’s realistic to have Andrei especially be wary but wanting it to get better.

Bad Blood - Bastille

“All this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry?”

Letting go of a grudge and trying to move on vibes!

Let It All Go - Birdy, Alvaro Soler

“We’re strong enough to let it go”

All their hurt surrounding the elopement is the Thing they’re letting go of in this case.

Flaws - Bastille

“You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground”

The quoted lyric just feels like their general dynamic to me. Natasha is so open about everything and does indeed wear her heart on her sleeve whereas Andrei represses every emotion he’s ever felt. I think this is a post-elopement song because of “Dig them up; let’s finish what we started”. That feels like them reexamining their relationship and what went wrong and trying again.

Moscow - Autoheart

“All I need’s a fraction of your happy heart”

This song is so 🥺. “We both know what we’ve got to do: head back to where the magic grew” reminds me of them accepting their reconnection and moving on and trying to rekindle whatever was between them. And “Let’s get a dog, an Irish red setter, it’s all we need to get better” feels emblematic of them looking forward to domestic happiness as the solution. And the quoted lyric screams Andrei about Natasha.

The Heart Is A Muscle - Gang of Youths

“I will look at love as more than just an instrument of pain”

Not to be off topic but this whole album is so good every single song makes me feel SHRIMP EMOTIONS god. Also the whole thing is very Andreicore and I had to stop myself from adding every song to his playlist. But I digress. This song is all about having been hurt by love in the past (“I let bad love betray me once”) but deciding to open your heart again which is very them! “I haven't had enough and I wanna love someone” AAAAHHHH. “I am human now and terrified, but want it all the same” Mr. GangOfYouths im going INSANE! “I just ask you to be patient if you’ll have me still” HELLO? Not to quote the whole song but “I wanna be loved, I wanna be whole again, so tuck my hair behind my ears and touch my soul again” as an Andrei/Natasha lyric...I need to sit down. Can you all tell this song makes me go all kinds of crazy. And this isn’t even my favorite song off the album!

Shrike - Hozier

“I couldn’t utter my love when it counted, ah but I’m flying like a bird to you now”

This song feels very “we tried to have a relationship a while ago and it didn’t work out that well but I still love you we could try again” to me which fits this time very well!

Part 5: Andrei Goes Splat :( [And The Aftermath]

Work Song - Hozier

“No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”

I can’t say what it is exactly, but something about persistent love framed around the death motif works for me here.

Dancing After Death - Matt Maeson

“As the sun waits to eclipse and the taste teases my lips, I'm too tired to wrestle with it”

The quoted lyric reminds me of Andrei giving up and shutting down when he realizes he’s gonna die :( oh ALSO my brain always mentally fills in “and no one else” after the “you and I” that ends the chorus which does NOT help with my depression!

One Last Time - Jaymes Young

“Could I feel your skin on mine before I have to say goodbye?”

SCREAMS SO LOUDLY. The whole song is like. Someone dying and wanting to see their person one last time and AAAAAAAAAAA. I am a little incoherent maybe. “I'm leavin' this cold world of mine, no pleadin' is gonna turn back time” really Gets Me in the context of Andrei accepting his own death and withdrawing and it’s so. Anyway.

Oblivion - Bastille

“When oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than I ever can”

I don’t think this is exactly what the song is talking about, but the quoted lyric in the context of Andrei dying and Natasha watching him fade and withdraw...good Lord. I need emotional support.

Haunt - Bastille

“I’ll come back to haunt you/Memories will taunt you”

Natasha being haunted by the memory of Andrei!!! Help me!!!! Also “I will try to love you/It’s not like I’m above you” as a callback to Andrei’s feelings for Natasha when they start to reconnect is so mental illness inducing. OOOH and “Questioning why as you look to the sky that is cloudless up above our heads and thoughts come to mind that our short little lives haven't left the path that they will tread” any lyric ever about looking at the sky is Andrei’s now.

Without You - for KING & COUNTRY

“What do you do when you don't get better/Strong arms get too, get too weak to hold her”

:( :( :( :( :( Also “I’m not ready to live without you” I am so sad.

Good Grief - Bastille

“Every minute and every hour I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more”

Pain! Agony, even!

I made myself SO sad writing the entire last half of these annotations geez

#im so sad im so sad im so sad!#war and peace #great comet #natasha rostova #andrei bolkonksy #uhhh whats their ship name?#w&p playlists #my post #figured out how to do a read more bc this post is so LONG

13 notes · View notes