#anyways I’m mad bc I have to buy a new one now

[yesimwriting]

Hi! I understand if this isn’t something you’re interested in but I was wondering if you could write the boys being possessive/protective over the reader. I was just rereading final girl chapter 5 and I’d just love to see her rip them a new one in her own way about boundaries and stuff and seeing them manipulate/grovel there way in to her good graces again or like how she would’ve reacted to the boys scaring away the boy who took her to the party if Billy wasn’t in one of his moods I don’t know if I asked this right I’ve sent asks so many time to you now and I’m all ways worried I don’t convey/explain what I mean properly and it’s just confusing for you but anyway have a good day/night and whether you can or can’t,thank you anyway :)

*set in the same world as the final girl fic series but can be read as a stand alone with little to no context lol

A/n hi!! there's still some manipulative vibes in this bc i just feel like one of them is bound to trauma dump as a way 'in' when y/n's mad at them but i still feel like it's mainly nice! especially bc there's some emotional growth

----

You're still on the phone, moving in and out of their line of sight. The intention was never to watch you from the sprawling tree they use to get to your window, but there was something about your focus on the whatever conversation you're still having that left Billy telling Stu to wait.

Billy's not sure what he's waiting for. Maybe it's a form of masochism, to see how long you'll talk to whoever's on the other end.

"She's still on the phone." Stu's voice has taken on that hollow, detached quality that's never an indicator of self control. Billy says nothing, not in the mood to defend you or deflect the stinging. "He wouldn't call her..."

There's a second part of Stu's sentence that's just implied. He wouldn't call her after what happened in the locker room. "She found out. She might have called him."

The words leave a bitter taste in his mouth. The fact that Jack McCarthy didn't permanently fade back into obscurity after he and Stu made it clear that while you might buy the whole study-buddy act, they can see straight through him is pounding inside his head. Again and again, the start of a headache.

"If you don't want to..." Stu presses his palm into bark, so hard he wouldn't be surprised if he pulled his hand away bloody. "If you're not in the mood to talk to cutie in there, there's always another way to see if she's talking to him."

Even though it's a barely an idea, a soft suggestion, the knot in Stu's chest loosens with the words. Just checking in on Jack could easily turn into calling Jack...which would lead to the most mind clearing thing Stu can imagine. Thoughts of tearing him apart, piece by piece until it's impossible to tell that the mess of red and guts was ever the teenager with the letterman jacket that threw his arm around you during your study period rush to the front of Stu's mind. It's so soothing that he almost moves to the lower branch that lets him reach the ground.

Stu thinks about bringing it up again, a little less subtle and more desperate but he wants it too bad to care. Needs it. You pace back into view as his lips part. You're now holding the phone against your other ear, meaning that the receiver is no longer blocking your face. He pauses, taking the opportunity to watch you more openly than he normally lets himself.

Your lips are slightly parted in a just barely-there pout and your eyes are locked on something in front of you. There's something about the slight, halfhearted irritation in your expression. It takes Stu a second to place why he can't stop staring and then it clicks--it's twistingly cute...and you're...pretty.

Not that Stu doesn't regularly see you as attractive or hot, but pretty's different. At least, different in the way it's sticking out to him now, like a splinter that breaks off beneath the skin before you can pull it out. You're pretty in a way that Stu never thinks about. Pretty in a soft way that reminds him of domestic shit and makes his chest feel tight.

"We uh--" It's not the first time they've popped by with a backpack with a few things to do, but this time it's different. They took their time thinking about what you'd like, what'd work as a sort of peace offering. Now, watching you chat away without a care in the world over your fight, it all feels pathetic.

Everything becomes a soft buzz of background noise as you press you sigh. Billy wishes he knew how to better read lips because you sigh, say something, and then dramatically fall back on your bed.

You shift onto your stomach, propping your head up with an elbow. The oversized T-shirt that you're in slides down your shoulder and your hair's a little fluffier than before due to your movements. There's a softness to your appearance that leaves an odd feeling flaring in Billy's stomach, a sensation that could be considered butterflies if it felt less like being stabbed.

The in-between of too close while still being so far is oddly overwhelming drawn out like this. Billy swallows as you laugh at something from the other line. "We're already here."

It's a different level of sad to get here and then turn around, so Billy shift forward and finally reaches for the window. The move has grown so familiar Billy even knows at what point he needs to push a little harder because of the way the sides stick to the frame. He moves his hand an it doesn't budge. To add salt to the wound, you've locked the window. You never lock the fucking window.

A dangerous wave of flighty rejection coils in his stomach. The part of him that knows how to think in the long term knows that he should leave while he still can. The last thing anyone needs is for Billy to start associating this with you.

The window creeks and your head snaps towards them. Your eyebrows draw together and you sit up fully, even more of your shoulder and collarbone exposing themselves with the motion. You mumble something into the phone, a beat passes, and then you stand. you approach the window begrudgingly, placing a hand on your hip before cradling the phone between your neck and cheek.

Your lips are pressed together in a way that seems to lull the violent mindset of them both. It's the kind of look you get when you're trying not to smile. After a second, you lean down, undo the lock, and open the window.

"You won't belie--" You sigh, moving to hold the phone again, "Stop enjoying this." Whoever's on the other line must really be annoying you, because you shift back enough to let Billy and Stu in through the window. "Seriously, I'll hang up."

Billy and Stu exchange a look. They're here, trying to get you past something only you think is an issue, and you're still on the fucking phone. Who could be that important?

"No! You are so not talking to them."

There's a brief silence as you wander back towards your bed. The growing discomfort in Billy's chest wins his silent, internal argument. "Who wants to talk to us?"

At that, you finally pause, breeziness briefly leaving your eyes as you look at him. That look pinches at Billy's flightiness and soothes a part of him that he doesn't quite get. You're so good at that, at detecting whatever you want in him. The inability to twist and fully control your perception of him is overwhelming sometimes. Too similar to the way that his mom could--

"Hallie." Your normal expression has come back, like it always does. The awareness that Billy doubts you understand outside of a subconscious level never lingers on your face. But your voice delivers the answer so gently it feels like an olive branch. "You've subjected her to a super long rant about your betrayal."

Despite all the aggression you forced into your words, that relaxes something in them both. Hallie--the completely harmless childhood best friend that's still in Texas. States away, way too far to come between the three of you, even if she wanted to.

"Hallie," Stu repeats, and Billy can feel Stu's shift to something much more genuine. "The super hot girl from your vacation pho--"

"Do not start." You hold up a finger in warning and there's something in the reaction. You'd deny it if anyone ever brought it up, but Stu's noticed the way you get when he goes out of the way to hit on anyone. Even Tatum. You're subtle about, but you get a little quieter as you pick at your nails or try to focus on something else. This time, though, there's none of that, just a bit of urging annoyance. "She has a big enough head as is."

There's a sound from the other line and you roll your eyes. "What? It's true." You're listening to whatever's on the other end intently. "Okay--fine--bye, loser." Another wave of chatter from the other line. "Uh--it's--" You glance over at the two boys still lingering in the corner. "Love you, too. Bye."

You hang up, making a point of keeping your back to them as you set the receiver back onto the machine on your nightstand.

Stu breaks, laughing once. You snap your head in his direction. "Shut up."

Stu takes a tentative step towards you, already liking how quickly you're easing. Maybe all you needed was to feel a little more in control by ranting to someone that isn't here. "Why don't you ever tell me you love me?"

You glare at Stu's exaggerated pout. "You do not get to make fun of me while I'm mad at you." You stand a little straighter. "Why are you guys even here?"

"Not making fun of you." Stu reaches your bed, flopping onto your mattress like he lives with you. He casually picks up a fluffy pillow and squeezes it to his chest. "Genuinely hurt that you don't love us."

Confusion cracks at your annoyance, "Us?"

"If you said 'I love you' to grumpy before me, I don't wanna know." He squeezes the pillow a little tighter, turning his head and squeezing his eyes shut like he can't take the agony. "Too painful, bug."

You cross your arms again, eyes awkwardly falling to the ground. It's not Stu's dramatics that get to you, but you never like it when anyone reduces Billy into something negative and angsty. "He's not grumpy."

"Oh, defensive." Stu absentmindedly weaves his fingers through the pillow's layer of fluff. "Didn't think you'd still care."

You sigh, annoyed at his passive aggressiveness as if they didn't come to your room while fully aware of how mad you are. "That's dramatic, even for you."

"Is it?" Billy mumbles the question, low and almost unsure. "We--we weren't sure if you'd talk to us again."

The comment leaves you feeling like the intruding force. Something about their somber mood makes it seem like you're what's unfitting even though they came to your room. "Just because I'm mad right now doesn't mean I'll be mad forever."

You're not sure you could be. Sure, you have other friends you really care about, but they're all linked to Billy and Stu. They're dating Sid and Tatum and Randy's usually with the group. It's not that you think the three of them would cut you off, but it wouldn't be the same. And even if everything without Billy and Stu could be perfect, you still wouldn't be happy. Not fully.

You'd miss them, miss the way that Stu can always make you laugh no matter how you're feeling and how comforting Billy's presence can be. They might really push boundaries sometimes, but they're still your best friends.

"I get that you--" Sighing, you scratch the back of your wrist. "Hallie and I were talking about it and she reminded me that you guys have good intentions, and I get that, but this is the second time I have to find out that you threatened someone behind my back."

Stu's moved onto his side, head propped up on an elbow as he watches you. Billy's still lingering near the window. Both of them are quiet and that's getting to you. "I'm not a little kid and I don't need you guys to approve of everyone I'm friends with."

"They didn't want to be friends with you." There's no argument in Stu's voice or aggression, just a factual flatness that leaves your face hot.

You shift your weight from one foot to the other. Noel wanting more than friendship's something that makes sense. He was flirty, you went out on a date, and he's known for being an insensitive player. But Jack didn't seem like that at all. Sure, he's a quarterback and hangs out with the guys that never shut up during class, but he had a reason to study with you. Your english teacher assigned him to be tutored by you because his grades were dropping to the point where his coach was threatening to bench him. Sure, he was nice to you, but that's probably because he was worried about his grade. No star player wants to be benched during recruiting season.

The implication also leaves a hard feeling in your stomach. It picks at an insecurity that rooted itself into you around that time in middle school where kids pair up and start dating. Naivety is a weak spot when it comes to teenagers and your inexperience translates into that. Part of it is your mom, the way she's been open about what it meant to become a mom at 17. The rest of it is genuine interest and practicality. You want to go to Princeton, dating is distracting and you haven't really met anyone you like enough to sacrifice studying or time with your friends.

And it doesn't bother you. Not usually. You know life is long and eventually the whole relationship thing will click and work its way to you, probably with some college guy that's majoring in something artsy, but then things like this come up and it makes you feel so stupid.

"Doesn't matter what they want." That feels like a mature enough answer, and it's not a lie. Teenage boys want sex. You're not so out of the loop that that's some kind of revelation. But what they want or think they're getting doesn't change you. "I'm not an idiot and I'm not that naive."

Even if you were, it's not their business to get involved without you asking. For all they know, maybe you want to hook up with someone. That's your choice, not theirs. "And even if I was, it's still my choice."

Billy angles his head downwards, eyes a little darker than you remember them being. "So our big crime is not wanting you to get hurt?"

Ugh. That's more or less the argument Hallie made while playing the devil's advocate. It must have taken a lot for Hallie to defend anyone that isn't you, but she knew that blowing up your friendship with Billy and Stu over a guy you barely knew would only hurt you more in the long run.

"It's--" Trying to explain your issue with the situation is getting exhausting. They're not capable of focusing on anything besides their intentions. "It's a boundaries thing. You can't threaten anyone you don't like into not talking to me behind my back."

Stu's sitting up now, the plush pillow on his lap. "We didn't think of it that way, angel. We just--we know those guys and know what they're like and what you're like, and--" He's fidgeting, fingers tangling into the synthetic hairs of the pillow. "We don't want anything happening to you."

The sentiment's there, forced out almost shyly. It's almost enough to distract you from the weird intensity there. Something happening to you. Over some guy. You get that heartbreak can be a pretty intense thing, but it can't be that bad.

"Nothing's--" You cut yourself off with a sigh. At this rate, they'll eventually be more protective than your mom. They're both weirdly quiet. "What's the big deal if I'm 'hurt' by some stupid guy? It's not like I'd lose it and stop talking to my friends or like it'd effect us or...anything."

Billy lets out a low scoff. The sound is so cold and unlike him you don't know how to react. "Really?"

You hesitate before reminding yourself that it's still just Billy. "...Yeah?" The single syllable falls flat. "I mean...why would it?"

Billy steps forward. "All it took for me to lose--" The sudden movement makes you stiffen until he sits at the foot of your bed, next to Stu. "My mom was her being hurt by some 'stupid guy'.'

Stu freezes. There are a lot of ways this could have gone, but he didn't think that Billy would drop that. Not tonight, with the way Billy tiptoes around his mom's absence and the reason behind it. It's not the kind of thing he'd throw away just to get you to make up with them a little faster...and the rawness in Billy's voice...

Jack might have to end up on their call list anyway.

You're silent as you study them with an expression that would be completely unreadable if it wasn't for the tiny crease between your eyebrows. Billy's hinted at stuff with his mom before, but the way he talked about her always framed her in a way that made it seem like she had passed. You also didn't think he'd ever say anything about what happened so bluntly...or that something that seemed so small to you could have been forcing him to think about those things.

Billy's eyes are focused on nothing in particular, one of his knees pressed against Stu's. His insides feel like they're at war with each other. That bleeding honesty took over with no warning and it's blinding him to everything else. The reminder of the abandonment gnaws at him.

The mattress dips. You don't know what the right way to react is. While this makes their behavior make a little more sense, that doesn't make your point wrong. They did overstep. But that's nowhere near as heavy as Billy's thing. And it couldn't have been easy for Stu to watch his best friend's life fall apart over something like that.

There's something you should say, you're almost sure of it, but nothing feels good enough. Pointing out the differences in the situation feels callous and any promises you could make would likely make it seem like you blame his mom. You might not know much about their relationship, but the way Billy talks about her, like her memory's this fragile thing, you know better than to risk it. An apology also doesn't feel like the right answer, you haven't done anything wrong and you don't want to risk bringing up the fight.

You stretch out a hand silently, letting your fingertips brush against the back of his palm. He briefly tenses, but doesn't move away, so you take it as an okay to rest your hand over his.

Your touch is warm and unexpected, an anchor Billy's torn between latching onto and running away from. It's overwhelming, the amount of influence you have over him. Sometimes if he thinks too much about how that uncertainty feels he has to fight to not hold it against you.

"I know it's..." Billy speaks slowly, trying to force himself to believe what he's saying, or at least, focus on it enough to act like he does. "Different, it just..."

You brush your pointer finger across his knuckles. "I know." A warmth that's hard to accept burns through his chest. Billy turns his hand over before loosely linking your fingers together. "Just boundaries, okay?"

Billy nods, a bit more color returning to his face. You straighten your spine to look past Billy's shoulder and at Stu. "That goes for you, too."

"You've got it, babe."

"That means no more threatening guys just because they talked to me." You keep your expression serious in an attempt to stare down Stu. It's probably no where near as menacing as you want it to be. "I'm serious."

He lifts an arm to his chest, drawing an uneven cross over his heart. "Scout's Honor."

You roll your eyes. "You were never a boy scout."

Stu frowns, "How would you know?"

It's not so much information as it is his vibe. Stu seems way too active and focused on what he'd find fun to have wanted to stick to boy scouting and you doubt his parents have ever been around enough to make him. But that's way too much to answer his question with. "Were you?"

"Ye--"

"He got kicked out," Billy interjects, "After terrorizing a camping trip."

You laugh before you can stop yourself. It's easy to picture Stu a little younger and a lot more impulsive. "That tracks."

"Fuck off," he mumbles before slumping down until he's flat on his back.

Billy turns his head, giving you a look that seems to ask why you two put up with him. The expression is so familiar you can't help your relief. You're still a little rightfully annoyed at them, but the desire to keep them lighter beats that irritation out by an inch. "What'd he do?"

The real answer isn't anything too traumatic, but it involved newly learned pocket knife skills, a frog, and a pathetically squirmish tent mate. But that's not the kind story of you'd be particularly into. It might even make you a little more closed off. They learned early on that while you might be able to handle most scary movies and gore like a champ, you draw a line at anything happening to an animal.

"Imagine that at age 10." Billy vaguely gestures in Stu's direction, Stu lifts an arm to shove Billy. "What didn't he do?" You smile, a little more amused than you want to be. "And you've seen his house...the way he lives..."

Another wave of laughter rises up your throat before you can help it. The implication that Stu was too spoiled to get through a camping trip is a little too fitting.

Stu groans, reaching back for the fluffy pillow. He smacks Billy's arm with it, a passive display of aggression. "It was not like that." Stu turns his neck, "Don't listen to him."

You laugh again, briefly forgetting that you're still supposed to be annoyed with them as you lay down. "I've been to your house, your bathroom has more amenities than a hotel, so I believe him."

He twists his neck to glare at you. It's more of a pout than anything else. "You have a hundred things in your bathroom."

Stu's technically right, but it's different. He's counting in your perfectly reasonable--and reasonably(ish)--priced makeup, skin care, and hair stuff. Not all things you use everyday or necessarily need, but it's different. He has fancy hand soap that leaves skin extra soft and lotion for guests that's nicer than anything you own for yourself. "You're deflecting."

He scoffs, "Can't hear you over the beauty store in your bathroom."

It's said so seriously it circles back to kind of ridiculous. Especially because of how pointless it is. You wrinkle your nose, fighting down a grin. "That doesn't make sense."

Stu's lips part like he's going to instinctually jump to defend himself. Your smile stops him. "It doesn't."

After a beat, the two of you exchange a look and laugh. Billy sighs, shoving Stu's leg and your arm. "You two aren't funny."

"Maybe you're just boring."

Billy looks over at you, glaring. "Really?"

You nod, a little too smug. "Really."

"Don't listen to him." Stu halfheartedly pushes Billy. In retaliation, Billy extends an arm without looking, grabbing Stu's forearm in a way that, to you, looks surprisingly gentle. "He's jealous."

You smile as Stu sits up. "I can so see that."

Billy's eyebrows draw together. "Jealous of what?"

"Our not-boringness." You push yourself so that you're sitting again.

"Yeah, you two are super cool and not weird."

Scoffing, you pull your legs onto the bed and cross them beneath you. "I'm not weird."

Billy tilts his head in the direction of your desk. "How many sticky notes are in--"

"You promised not to use that against me." You cut him off, not overly thrilled at the mention of sticky notes. Early on in your friendship, he found you going through your locker while you were sorting through sticky note and highlighter combos for homework.

His eyebrows pull together, his nose wrinkling a little in a way that's painfully endearing and surprisingly casual. "I promised not to tell anyone." He angles himself towards you, tilting his head downwards. The movements were subtle, but something about the shift makes him feel a lot closer than before. "That's different."

Your breath tangles itself in your throat at his lower tone. You need to say something, because if you don't you'd just be staring and that's--You force out the first thing you can think of, "Technicality."

"Still counts." There's nothing else you can think of and he still feels closer than normal. Before your thoughts can turn into total panic, Billy turns towards Stu, who's digging through his backpack. "What are you doing?"

"Almost forgot." Stu finds what he's looking for. It's small from where you're sitting. He reaches behind Billy's bag to extend whatever he's holding towards you. "Here."

A bag of gummy candies. You take it skeptically, because it's been twisted shut oddly. Smoothing out the wrinkled plastic, you open the bag and look at the contents. A part of you is surprised that it actually does have gummies...only they all look the same. Confused, you shake the bag once and the candies move, confirming it is what it looks like. They're all your favorite.

"I don't like the red ones," he mumbles, not quite looking at you, "But you do, right?"

You grin, pulling a gummy bear out of the bag and biting off its head to put it out of its misery humanely. "The red ones are the best, you're weird for that."

He scoffs, "The cute ones always have bad taste."

"I think you're complimenting yourself with that one." You pop the rest of the gummy into your mouth. "Orange lover."

"The orange ones are objectively--"

"They're all the acidic parts of a real orange without the orangey-ness."

Billy looks over at you. "Orangey-ness?" He's convinced he's heard this argument more times than anyone else alive, but your points are usually a little better.

You glare, pulling another gummy out of your bag. "You're not a part of this, you like the pineapple ones."

Stu laughs, "He also likes grape flavored stuff."

You gasp like Stu just outed Billy as a criminal. "No way."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbles, already tired, "Make fun of me."

And after a second, he realizes that he really means it. If you're not mad at them, he can handle it.

----

A/n i never know if i should use the final girl tag list for fics that are set in the final girl world (if that makes sense), bc it's an update technically but also not bc it's not the main fic??

idk i've seen other writers on here tag for more than just the main fic and i'm always happy to be tagged in stuff but idk if that's for everyone lol,, lmk if you have any thought!

#scream x reader #final girl fic #scream 1996 #stu macher #stu macher x reader #billy loomis #billy loomis x reader #ghostface #ask #poly! ghostface #poly!ghostface x reader

[luffyvace]

Nami x male reader

FROM MY LIST

SO YUP FINALLY DOING IT

there needs to be more fluffy content for her x male reader. RIGHT NOW. :) enjoy ♥︎

OKK SO

why i gotta start like that every time🧍‍♀️

NAMI WORKS U TO THE BONE

less then other men tho

she cares about u obviously

but ur still her man!!

so you steal still gotta do stuff for her<3

even more so really

bc like

YOUR HER MAN

of course you have to carry her bags, watch her fashion shows, bring her drinks, take her out expensive places, help her pick the outfit of the day, wrestle the boys not to bother her, carry her, protect her from too strong of foes and be forced to wear girly stuff for her own amusement?? wym?? your her boyfriend!

yup and i mean it, you gotta do all that

if you can’t carry all her bags and buy all her stuff how else will it get done??

and you better have money too

i assume you do since she wouldn’t GET with a broke man…

i mean unless you really charmed her

its too high of a priority for her to over look unless you have a golden personality or something

dw about it tho either way she loves you and money<3

and yes you do have to sit there and watch all her fashion shows til the end

and you BETTER give good replies too

i’m talking you gotta be the boyfriend who turns into her best friend for a hot sec to hype her up 🤪

”you go girl”

”omg your that girl frfr”

”that outfit ate DOWN.”

LOLOL it’s fun for both of you

unless your like strictly masculine or smth

then u might be more annoyed

but the combo of you loving your girlfriend and her being really good at persuading people leads to you doing it anyway

honestly for bringing her drinks and food

sanji usually makes it

he tells you to give credits but you don’t

especially if you can cook yourself

sanji insists he should do it since he’s the official cook

but sometimes you do it anyway

so it can come straight from the heart yk?

you and sanji may or may not beef

if you have no problem with him then it’s prob one sided on his side

definitely mad you bagged nami before he did

or any woman for that matter

but anyway

you mostly bring her refreshments and food when she’s working on her maps :)

btw it takes like 80 minutes to pick out the outfit of the day

she gets you up early so you can help her

that way by the time everyone else is up it seems like she whips up really good outfits just like that

when in actuality

“ok this one or this one?”

”uhh that one..?”

“NO WRONG ANSWER”

💥

nah i’m playing she doesn’t hit you

(yes she does but it’s lovingly)

[no it’s not but she doesn’t do it as often to you as she does the other guys]

anyway again..

yeah there’s such thing as a wrong answer

”why’d you ask me if you already had one in mind??”

“you were supposed to agree with me!”

”how was i supposed to know which one to pick??”

😡

as far as tackling the rest of the boys

”honey~ handle my light weight”

the way i wrote it made it seem lighthearted but the glint in her yes tells you—you better do it

annddd you do!

you fling luffy outside, he lands onto usopp who starts playing with him

you drag (snoring) zoro out onto the deck to sleep

you remind franky about the project he was working on

you tell brook to go play some music for luffy and usopp

you ask chopper some doctor sounding question which gives him a new idea to try out and he rushes off

robin is being quiet already<3

and sanji’s just cooking dinner:)

so now, problem solved, nami can have some peace and quiet

yippie!! mission accomplished!

now there’s not gonna be a expensive place on every island but if there is you can bet your beli she’s making you take her there

and she’s blowing off all your money

at the least it’s just you two tho

you somehow shake the rest of the crew to get some alone time

the date turns out to be really romantic and sweet so you enjoy it even if your pockets hurt

y’all def steal stuff from the restaurant

you don’t have her swiping habit but the silverware was real gold and oh boy did the opportunity of money sound sweet like honey 😋

carrying her is self explanatory

she just wants to be treated with grace and care

likes he’s delicate and beautiful the way she is

which she is

so you do:)

you carry her all types of ways but never roughly or 💥💥

mostly bridal style

cuz duh it’s romantic

you’ve even kissed her like that quite a few times

random but she likes to watch the sunset with you

btw you definitely kicked some fish butt if you joined early enough

even if you only had a crush on her back then

you fo’ sure weren’t gon let that slide 🤨🤨

what arlong thought this was⁉️🗣

not on your watch‼️

i hope your strong cuz even if your not you gonna become her shield or smth cuzzz..

YOUR HER BOYFRIEND

YOU GOTS TO PROTECT HER NOW

WHICH MEANS YOU TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM FOOL!!

if your strong and have muscles she prob secretly or not so secretly admires them

and yes my mans, as the last topic you will wear makeup and girly hairstyles

especially if you have long hair—then she def wants to play in it

there’s no saying no either

i don’t know what to tell you if you don’t like it my brother

have fun 🤷‍♀️

LOL i love these they were so fun n silly 🤪

enjoy male readers!! come eat good!!

#anime #anime and manga #anime headcanons #luffyvace #fluff #fluff headcanons #one piece #one piece headcanons #one piece x reader #straw hat nami #one piece nami #cat burglar nami #op nami #nami #straw hat pirates #straw hats #nami x reader #nami x male reader #relationship headcanons #one piece anime #x you #x male y/n #x male reader #x m/n #x reader #one piece x male reader #one piece x you #one piece x amab reader

[usuibu]

hiii i was wondering if i could request without a prompt from the prompt list? if so, can i request eren with an s/o where s/o and eren have just recently married and adopted a kitten, then one day said kitten keeps getting clingy with y/n just to find the reason why is bcs there's a little bun in the oven surprise and then y/n surprises eren with a testpack (and the kitten gets involved with the surprise somehow). really sorryyy if this was weird but I rarely see dad eren stories nowadays LMAO

Tysm for requesting!! Ofc u can put anything even just thoughts in my submissions, the prompt lists are just there if u need help thinking!

More oneshots/masterlist

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People always tend to say that marriage was a big step, a big change. So you don’t know if its just because Eren’s Eren, but nothing really seemed to change with you and him after getting married.

You’d both already settled into your home and wrestled over which room decor you liked more and so things were nice, nice enough that you both decided you wanted to get a cat. It gave you the opportunity to see how far erens responsibility could stretch (which wasn’t too far from what you’ve seen😭) but anyways you guys had your kitten.

It always gravitated towards you, unfortunate for eren who refused to admit how much he truly liked the kitten. You would constantly catch him playing with the kitten way too rough for its size and you’d scold eren for not taking care of it properly etc how hes ‘a terrible father’ to the kitten 😭

Eren whistled rhythmically in a failing attempt to steal the kittens attention as it was once again, all over you. Disturbing whatever you were up to while eren tried to pick it up and place it nearer to him.. only for it to go crawling back to. He frowned like a pissed little kid and was about to verbalise his complaints until he got interrupted by you’re own complaints. Not about the kitten though.

“My head hurts so bad” you groan, hands flying to your temples, “do you feel sick?” eren replies, attention slowly leaving the kitten nestling in your lap.

“Yeah kind of, I think the breakfast you made me was that bad I’m gonna throw it up”

“Fuck you” Eren says, annoyed that he was ever concerned about your wellbeing (hes just kidding guys hes a silly billy this is a hee hee ha ha funny happy family i swear)

You snicker at Erens eye roll, “But really though I don’t know why I feel so nauseous”,

“Well maybe your allergic to the kitten?” Eren suggests in such a genuine tone that it was humorous.

“Eren,” you sigh, “you make it so hard not to bully you, you cant get mad at me” you’re disappointing sigh turns into another playful giggle as Eren starts frowning while you explain to him how cat allergies are more sneezing rather than nausea, and how you’ve had the kitten for long enough that you would most definitely not be allergic😭

“Yeah yeah fuck off the kitten doesn’t even like you” he says deflecting how he was wrong as it continues to roll around on your lap. “Take some medicine or whatever”, as always he still cares.

You open your cabinet in the toilet reaching for the painkillers, your hand stops as you notice the purple box next to it. You only had it really ‘just in case’ but in all fairness.. you were late. Your brain forced your hand to take the pregnancy test box because it would be harmless and would ease your worry and speculations.

Eren wasn’t home right now so it was safe enough for you to anxiously wait on your bed, staring at the test in the packet. Your glare getting interrupted as your alarm goes off alerting you that you can now check. It was positive, your second test was aswell, then the third one you rushed to buy at the store was also positive😭

This wasn't bad news at all, simply new.

You'd constantly joke about erens immaturity and lack of responsibility although you'd known him well enough to see that in the right moments, he truly is a highly capable man who would do great as a father, it grew on you as the minutes passed, the thought of starting a family with him didn't seem so bad even though you and eren weren't exactly aiming to get pregnant in the moment you did😭

You searched in your head for a way to break the news to him and you figured it would be fun to include the other member of the family, your kitten🤷‍♀️

"Im home" you hear ur husband shout as the front door shuts. "Hi Eren!!" you shout back, purposely in another room,

"can u feed the kitten really quick? I forgot to a while ago its probably hungry by now!"

"Wow and you call me a bad father" eren mutters, "I heard you." You reply blankly as he grins amused.

The kitten walks eagerly overtaking eren walking towards its little food station set aside by the kitchen counter. He notices one of the has evidently less full than the others so he decides to take that one to finish up in the kittens bowl.

You watch behind him eagerly but quietly lingering sheepishly around the counter, he tips the bag upside down as only a plain box falls out of it. "..what" he mumbles in confusion, he opens it to see the test inside but doesn't immediately react, nor move.

"Are you pregnant?!" he exclaims..

Facing the kitten and still not looking back to you, "Fuck off eren" you say smiling, yeah he heard you behind him.

He finally turns to you as you walk towards him, he has a fat grin on his face as he opens his arms rushing toward you before you can and hugs you so tight your feet lift off the floor and you feel like you're suffocating, you'll let it slide this time.

He finally settles you down in front of the counter, loosening his grip as he moves his hands to cradle your head, frantically planting kisses on your forehead to your cheeks to you nose to your lips. He can't contain his dashing grin and neither can you

"Can I name it?" Eren says with a boyish grin you know you cant trust,

"absolutely not" you say monotonously.

He frowns again, still tangling you in his arms against the counter as he runs one of his thumbs across your cheek, the other cradling your lower back keeping you close to him. "Why not?”

“Why not??? Because you tried to name our kitten Eren junior!"

"Eren juniors a great name, idk what you have against it!!"

"I hate you."

"Yeah yeah you love me, and i'll love our kid too."

"Yeah?" you say quietly, brushing a strand of loose hair behind his ear. Your hand glides downwards his shoulder as you simply admire your husband, your husband.

He stares into you deeply, slowly leaning in once again to kiss you. His hand moves from your face to the back of your head, encouraging you closer, deepening the kiss. Meanwhile your hands run through his hair. He gently pushes you forward into the counter as you both melt against each other, savouring the sensation of tooth-rotting love and adoration buzzing at your fingertips.

My requests r open for anything u can ask me any specific oneshots for eren or any character aswell!! Tysm for reading 🫶🫶

#attack on titan #eren jaeger #eren aot #eren x reader #headcanons #eren headcanons #eren x you #bf!eren #boyfriend!eren #eren x y/n #husband!eren #dad!eren #this is actually my first proper oneshot im terrified #i actually hate this please love me still #constructive criticism is encouraged #send help i cant do this #im really sorry anon i actually dont like pregnant!reader or dad!eren but I SWEAR i fr tried to pull through for you i still love you more #-more than anyone for requesting tumblr cut me off on that im offended

[fentibeauty]

— ❛ 𝐢 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐲. ༉‧₊˚

letitia ✘ black!thick reader

author’s note: this been in my head for 2 days, ima be so mad if this ain’t came out how i imagined it in my head.

summary: there is some jealousy in your relationship. plot twist is, it’s not between you and letitia. you are dating someone else, who is highly jealous of your relationship letitia. what happens when you tell letitia the news?

warnings: profanity maybe, aggression and angst between reader and significant other, letitia coming to the rescue. cheating, you could say. the significant other is sadly a male… only bc what i have in mind, bare with your girl on this one.

tags: @melodykisses @shuris-whore @saturnville @haechvn @ppawmpkin @cherios @vargskelegore @angeliquebones @szalipcombo @rxcently @playgurlxoxo @shurisbbymama @yvxmpire @an1meslvt @letitias-fav @eriksjournal l@thoushallmarrymunson @0hshoot1tsl4ni

“i’m going out, if you’re gonna leave my house make sure you lock the door.” this nigga was always at your house, you we’re starting to think he didn’t have his own like he said he did. you walked towards the door, you began to open it before it got closed back shut. “where? and with who?” you rolled your eyes, it was the same thing every time. “you know who.” you looked at the door, opening it magically opened.

“you still didn’t answer the first question.” he squinted his eyes. shrugging, “i don’t know, whatever life hits us with.” trying to move his hand. “you’re with her almost everyday, i’m honestly getting tired of the shit.” your lips went in a thin line. “uh, she’s my best friend?”

“you sure that she just wanna be yo best friend?” he looked into your eyes. you tried to open the door again but it was closed back shut, you huff in annoyance. you look back at him, “you gon leave without giving me a kiss? crazy.” you frowned your face in disgust.

you managed to get most of his weight of the door, opening it and walking out, hissing in pain when he closed the door on your side out of frustration. “ow, nigga! can i get out of the door first before you try to close it out of pettiness.” you rolled your eyes holding your side as it thumped slightly.

“whatever man, just go!” you turned around and began walking because that’s what you were doing anyway.

you walked up to letitia’s car, you opened it and you were met with a big smile. you reached across and gave her a hug. “a bit late coming out of the house, no?” you rolled your eyes playfully. “well, when you have an interrogating ass nigga down your neck, expect a delay in arrival.” you laugh.

“hmm, he isn’t giving you too much trouble is he? i’d hate to have to make a trip back to your home after we’re done with today’s festivities and straighten him out for messing with my baby girl.” letitia raised her eyebrow at you. “thanks, but no! i have everything under control.”

“i still don’t know why you’re with him!” you give her a look and she throws her hands up in surrender. “relax, i’m just saying. you deserve way better.” she hinted. “um, can we enjoy our day now?” you didn’t wanna have this conversation.

“of course, of course.”

letitia took you shopping, you didn’t even get to spend your money— you weren’t allowed to spend it. “tish, i can buy my own things!” you pouted as the lady at the desk handed her yet another bag.

“i know you can, you just won’t when you’re with me. you know this.” you scoffed, “well, can i at least carry the bags?” she continued to walk as if she didn’t hear the words leaving your mouth. “letitia—”

“shh, just walk pretty.” she softly demanded.

you huffed at first but you sure did kept quiet and kept walking.

letitia also took you out to eat and she told you to just leave your card in the car. it was a fancy restaurant, something you’d never see yourself going to. a lot of things changed when tish came into your life.

after ordering your food, you guys engaged in conversation. “so,” a cheeky smile formed onto your face. “you find someone new?” you asked her as she took a sip of her drink. “what do you mean someone new?”

“you know, someone that catches your eye.”

she shook her head, “nah, i don’t suppose so.” she looked into your eyes. you nodded in acknowledgment. “you wanna know something?” letitia raised her eyebrow.

“he’s jealous of you.” you stirred the ice in your cup. “i can’t seem to find out why. he doesn’t like it when we go out.” you looked up at you. a smirk formed on tish’s lips which you were confused by.

“why are you smirking?” she doesn’t answer, instead she brings the straw to her mouth to take several sips of her drink. the smirk still being glued onto her face.

“this is some surprising news.” she spoke afterwards. you were about to say something back but the food arrived and you were so hungry, you barely wasted time to dig in.

tish was on the way driving back to your house, you rode in silence. the music in the background and tish slightly humming and tapping the wheel, to prevent it from being an awkward silence.

once you arrived, she helped you out of the car and grabbed your bags. she walked up the porch steps and sat them down on the chair. they went in for a hug, tish wrapping her arms around your hip. her tight was and it caused you to hiss.

you didn’t realize that the spot where the door hit you caused you pain until it was touched. “why are you hissing? you okay?”

“yea, he closed the door on me when i was walking on me.” you lifted your shirt to look at the spot and there was indeed a slight bruise. nothing too serious but serious enough for tish’s eyes to fill with anger.

“tish it’s fine—” she held her hand up at you telling you to be silent. “unlock the door for me, please.” you looked in worry before unlocking the door. letitia wasted no time and she opened the door and entered.

you grabbed your bags and quickly followed in. you sat them on the table and walked further in the house. letitia was standing over him and he was laying on the couch.

“mann, y/n why is she in my fucking face.” he sassed. “you closing your lady in doors now?” letitia asked. he sucked his teeth.

“man, ain’t nobody do shit. y/n why the fuck you telling her that bullshit!” he got loud and began to get on his feet but nah. “man, sit down.” letitia pushed him back on the couch. her voice boomed throughout the room.

you stood behind, watching everything go down, “yo sorry ass just gon stand there and let her do this shit to me!” he tried to get back up but he was shoved back down. “watch your mouth, man.” tish warned. “you put a bruise on her beautiful skin. why?!”

“i’m not finna answer you man, lemme get my shit and dip. i knew you had some lesbian crush on her and shit.” letitia let him get up. he grabbed his shoes and belongings and went up to y/n. “you know where i’ll be shorty.”

you watched as the door slammed shut then back at letitia who was slowly walking towards you. “you know baby girl, i understand.”

you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, “i understand why he’s jealous.”

she sat her hands on your hip dips, “he knows how good i take care of you, doing the shit he should be doing.” she continued you were shocked by the words coming out of her mouth.

“he knows i could do so much better than he ever could, he knows i could take you away from him, just like that.” she snapped her fingers. “only if you let me.” she added.

her hand made her way up to your cheek, “so let me baby girl, please.” her eyes fanned down to her lips. “let me love you the right way.”

“tish—”

“don’t worry about him, baby. focus on me, focus on us.” you nodded your head and tish slowly leaned in to kiss your lips. you instantly melted into the kiss, this kiss was filled with love and compassion. something you never felt when you kissed him.

your guy’s lips moved together perfectly as if they were meant to be on each other’s. tish used her other hand, that was still on your hips to bring you closer to her, bodies against each other.

a whimper left your lips as the kiss broke. you looked down, “you lied.” you whispered. “i did? what did i lie about baby?” she asked.

“you said you didn’t have someone new that caught your eye. yet you’re here kissing me.” tish shook her head.

“i didn’t lie, you said something new, these feelings i had for you was nothing new baby girl.”

the enddd.

#letitia wright #blackreader #black panther #letitia wright x black!reader #letitia x reader

[xhdream]

wait okay I have TWO THOUGHTS 🤭 and they’re both about jungsu bc I have issues anyway

Jungsu who lets you get away with your teasing and bratty behavior in public but at home?? Oh as soon as that front door closes he has you bent over the counter, panties down and he’s suddenly livid. Talking about how you’re a dirty whore and deserve to be punished. His favorite form of punishment is fingering you until you’re at the brink of an orgasm only for him to pull his digits out and mock you!!!!! 😮‍💨 he’s slapping your pussy so good tew like?!?!? snickering in your ear about how “you need to be a big girl and take the punishment he gives” AH OKAY? Or maybe even a little bit of “sluts don’t deserve to cum do they? don’t think so, sweetheart” pls I’m losing itttt

THE SECOND THOUGHT I HAVE… so like jungsu who is OBSESSEDDDD with marking and will silently beg for you to mark him up during sex and whatnot. Jungsu who purposely buys you the pretty pink & red lipsticks because he wants to have them temporarily stain his skin alongside the sloppy hickeys you leave on his chest and neck, maybe even a few on his jawline so he can brag about you to the other members (jungsu would totally be the type to constantly talk ab his s/o imo!!!) imagine wearing one of the said lipsticks he’d bought you and giving him the best head of his whole damn life phewww and when yours done his dick has delicious rings of pink and red up and down the shaft, like little tattoos of where your mouth had been. He’d be so impressed and elated by it too he’d take a few pictures JKSSWOSIJZ

in conclusion I really really really want this man to ruin my life!!!!!!!! Also if this is incoherent PLS ITS 1 AM AND IM KINDA GOING CRAZYYY😭😭

and here you are RUINING MINE with these thoughts oh my GOD listen … HEAR ME OUT

why not combine both?????????

jungsu who is once again frustrated with your bratty attitude, but is trying to think of a new way to get it back at you. the number of times he’s punished you is not small, and his techniques are beginning to repeat themselves, so he wants something new. something he knows is going to really make you mad and wet ofc. so he starts his punishment early - he doesn’t fuck you for days. one day he’s busy practicing, another he’s working on a song, the next he has a meeting. and so on, and so on. until one night he’s finally chilling in your bedroom, and you get on top of him fully naked. he reminds you about the punishment you still have yet to take, and you get soo excited. you’re so freaking needy and horny, you will take anything - you cannot wait for him to make your behind red, all marked with the shape of his palm; you cannot wait for his fingers to ruin your pussy with an hour long edging and multiple orgasms that feel like forever. but he has something different in mind. instead, he makes you wear your new pretty lipsticks he bought you and give him the best deep throat you’re capable of. he picks you by the hair to check if the color is still there and if it’s not he makes you reapply it before sucking him back into your mouth. after he cums he erases completely the lipstick with his mouth, giving you mindblowing erotic kisses that make your legs shake, and then he puts another color himself - this time hot red maybe? he squeezes your jaw harshly, putting the lipstick on very carefully while you think that maybe now he’s going to touch you. however, he lays down forcing you to cover his whole body up and down with kisses while his orgasm cools down. “press harder, sweetheart, i can barely see this one.” you even draw a few hearts on his chest with the lipstick 🥲 you suck his neck desperately while sitting in his lap and he’s soo happy to feel you dripping. your hole is probably clenching around nothing too. after you’re done with this task, he orders you to make him cum again. he fills your mouth and you swallow every drop like the good girl you are trying to be. he swipes your lips with his tip, enjoying the red stains all over his length. “made my cock look all pretty, baby,” he smirks tapping your face with it. “wish i could fuck your pussy while it looks like this.” you blink at him confused??? “but… aren’t you—“ “nah, baby.. wait, did you think i’m gonna fuck you? awh, sweetheart” he strokes your cheek with a pout. “bad girls don’t get to cum.” and he goes to sleep <3

the next day he’s giving you the best orgasm tho

#💌: xhdream inbox #[moots] jeongin-lvr #jungsu hard thoughts

[hausofmamadas]

NUGGETS OF BENJAMAYO | aka just gif dump of my madness about 1 measly scene

✴︎

For Narcoctober's Day of Visuals - Oct 6th 5th (posted on the 6th cause I generally suck and my life is a mess) leftover from Day 1's fic

Okayokayokay so I made so many extra gifs for my Benjamayo fanfic that were theoretically set aside days ago for the Narcoctober Day of Visuals (I know that much like “fetch” Benjamayo is not a thing but much like the legendary Toaster Strudel heiress, Gretchen Weiners, I am very much trying to make it happen) and legit thought the prompt was Oct 6, not Oct 5 but I already have an amnesty day post technically I haven’t gone to sleep yet …? So technically yesterday is still today regardless of the date...? and I can’t not share these bc LET ME DO TELL YOU, I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS INTERACTION FOR LITERAL YEARS NOW so without furtherado

The scene in question: Benjamin schmoozing at Dina’s wedding, shaking babies and kissing hands, spots Mayo and decides, fuck it- he’s in a good mood! Little social butterfly, precioso is feelin’ himself. It’s a wedding, love is in the air! Why not take a moment to go flirt chat with Mazatlan’s very own Camarón King of actual sex Not Giving A Fuck About Anything Pretty Much Ever, Ismael El Mayo Zambada and this is how it starts off. First, Mayo asks the waiter?/waitress? if the shrimp in the shrimp cocktail is fresh but manages to pose it in the most sexy way, it’s actually borderline disturbing just how fucking hot this man is asking about fucking shrimp of all fucking things then again, passion in one’s professional pursuits is pretty hot …? But like no, I really don’t think that’s what’s happening here

Then Mín, little pep in his step, La Reina del Baile, glowing even more than the bride herself, strolls up and basically is like, “Bish, that’s a spiffy new hat. You buy that with the money you made movin’ shit through my plaza? cause there’s more where that came from if you’re interested in a sugar daddy🤭”

At which point Mayo is lowkey like🫣 oh god, what do I say now. Is he trying to strong arm me, what’s the angle. I really don’t wanna start shit rn, I’m so full of shrimp, like ngl I don’t even think I could run away without making myself sick and he tries to keep things simpatico but like the extra mile he goes??? This sly mf is smiling at Mín in a way that resembles a little too closely how he smiled at the waiter/waitress. And sure, maybe we can chalk that up to just Mayo a ho. He a May-ho sry, I just– you know I set myself up to spike that ball and I couldn’t not no matter how bad it was sksksksks and Mín rolls with it, he does one of those blind-and-miss-it thousand yard stares which I will devote an entire gif set post to later bc he does it more than once throughout the show and it’s actually devastating and shoots his shot, “pero imagínate que no tuvieras qué”

So anyway, this establishes what? Mayo a May-ho, right. And Mín is lowkey liiiiiiiiiiiiving for this shit bc he thinks he’s got an in. And do you know what tf this savvy, spritely little Drug Lord Dilf-Nymph of Tijuana does????????? something Miguel would never dream of doing in a million years, not just bc he’s homophobic asf and deeply insecure about his entire general essence as a human being, but he doesn’t have a fucking f r a c t i o n of the affable, boyish charm that Mín does HE FUCKING FLIRTS RIGHT BACK. TAKE ONE GOOD GOTDAMN LOOK AT THE GIFS BELOW AND TELL ME HES NOT FLIRTING. YOU DONT FULL-BODY SCAN SOMEONE UP AND DOWN LIKE THEYRE THE FUCKING THANKSGIVING TURKEY AND YOU HAVENT EATEN IN DAYS UNLESS YOU’RE SEXING THEM IN YOUR MINDDKSSKSJWB I MEAMaaaan–

BUT DSKWJWJWIEIWJWJSB THE BEST FUCKING PART ABOUT THIS ENTIRE THING?????????? MAYO IS SO DOWN FOR IT. THE SHIT-EATING GRIN HE GETS ON HIS FACE LIKE MANS IS SO GODDAMN FLATTERED, MANS IS SO ABOUT IT, HES LITERALLY THAT GIRL DAFFYDUCK GIF, ALL BATTING HIS EYELASHES AND UNDRESSING SEDUCTIVELY, OKAY LIKE

WHERE IS THE LIE Spoiler alert: IT’S NOWHERE, THERE IS ONLY TRUTH OKAY and then Mayo does this real cute thing all appealing to the control freak in Mín, saying he likes to be his own boss, “no más que tú sabes” and all that AND THEN, AAAAAAND THEEEEEENNNNNNN FOLKS HE JUST. KEEPS. ON. MF. GRINNING. AS IF HE COULD GRAB MIN BY THE TINY LAPELS OF HIS TINY SUIT AND PLANT A BIG WET ONE RIGHT THERE ON HIM, RIGHT ON THE DANCEFLOOR IN FROMT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLELWKWJW W

and then he has to scramble for something else to say bc he knows good goddamn well that they've been making eyes at each other for far, far too long, so he's like "ohshitohshitohshit ohhhhh look there's Azul, the closest boner killer within reach besides Rayo hey, you know where home is!!!!!" AND THEN MIN, FUCJINGAKSJFNLKQJWELKJN DOES THIS WAY-TOO-INTIMATE HEAD NOD AND SMIRK, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR COMING TO MY PARTY ERM IMEAN DINA'S WEDDING, IF YOU'RE EVER IN TOWN GIRL CALL ME

NO BUT EVERYONE LITERALLY SHUT UP AND SITDOWN ALL FIVE OF YOU BCTTHENNNNSI;RAJQPO23IJRPOQJIWEFOH THE WAY MAYO SAYS CLARO, AND IT'S THE EXACT WAY I WOULD IMAGINE LIKE HOW HE'D GOODBYE LOVE PAT A ONE NIGHT STAND ON THE SHOULDER AS HE'S OPENING HIS FRONT DOOR FOR THEM TO LEAVE ???????? IDK IDKIDKIDKDA;WOJEF;AOIJ AND THEN THE LITTLE PRIVATE LOOK OF LIKE "idk what the fuck that was but I'm- y'know i really didn't hate it......"

it just- i mean i'm sure we're all in agreement that i'm insane but like what other conclusions am i supposed to draw in the face of this raw, objective evidence

☇

taglist: @narcosfandomdiscord, @narcolini, @ashlingnarcos, @drabbles-mc

#narcoctober #day of visuals #but like .... a day late #bc i'm the worst and don't know what day it is at any given moment #imsorryforeverything #narcos mexico #benjamayo #it's not a thing but we can pretend #day 5 #oct 5 #gif dump #og gifs

[libra-stellium]

Have you seen Ms. Harris Goes to Paris??? Spoilers to follow!!

This is long FYI 🙂

I just watched this movie and I’m drinking wine and couldn’t help but see all the things clicking when it came to astro and numerology!! I don’t think they did it on purpose so it’s really cool to see how it came together anyway. Enjoy 🙂💕

Okay so basically the movie is about this older woman who cleans rich people’s houses and it’s two people in particular and one of them is a young heiress and the character is basically like a spoiled brat with her parents money idk and the other one is an older woman who’s really rich and she gets a dress from Christian Dior and Mrs Harris (MH) sees the dress and she’s like I HAVE to get a Christian Dior dress so she does everything she can to get this dress and goes gambling and she loses her money 😭😭😭😭 and so she essentially gives up and is like well I guess it’s never gonna happen. Bc she not only needs money for the dress she needs money for the plane ticket! Then!!! A man from the military comes and tells her that they underpaid her dead husband or something and she gets enough for the dress and the plane ticket but only for one day!! She has to go, land, get the dress, get back on the plane and come back

First is that the story doesn’t give her an actual age lol google just said she’s “approaching 60” and of course! I was getting second saturn return vibes!!! Bc it happens around 58-60 and the reason why she failed at getting money herself is bc she tried get rich quick schemes and saturn doesn’t fuck with that 🤷🏾‍♀️

So saturn return is about growth you know so atp I’m like what is the growth about to be?? I’m thinking thing like following her dreams bc she’s like I gotta get this dress!

She gets to Paris and tbh everything is working out bc she’s immediately an inspiration bc they’re like WOW a cleaning lady came all this way to get Dior and they’re all supportive. BUT!! The rich people are not as supportive! Of course they have to fuck her over to do the power play. This man invites her as his guest to the Dior fashion show and she has to choose which dress she wants to buy and it’s in Paris in French so the guy who invited her translates for her the number of the dresses she likes

There’s two she likes number 73 and number 89 but 89 is the one she really loves!! This bitch who’s rich hears her and decides to quickly buy 89 so MH can’t get it and MH settles for 73

She finds out she has to stay a week bc she has to get fitted bc the dresses get made customized and blah blah blah not important to my analysis lol she tries the dress and gets the dress and she goes back home and she’s so happy and literally the same day she arrives who knocks at her door??? Young heiress brat! Do you see where this is going????? Brat ruined her dress to this party and wanted MH to help her but MH couldn’t and the girl starts crying and what does MH do??? LETS HER BORROW THE DIOR DRESS and that’s where I started getting mad like stop being a people pleaser!!! And you know what happens ?? That heiress bitch gets the dress caught on fire and it’s ruined before MH even gets to wear it!! And it made front page news! Everyone knew it was her dress smh

Astro steps back in bc in that moment?? She literally gets depressed when she finds out about the dress and when she comes out of it she realizes that she can’t keep going like this. She goes and gives the key back to the heiress and quits her job with the rich lady bc she’s done being the people pleaser! GROWTH! And she says “I want to be seen” 😭

Now back to the numbers and how they relate to her saturn return. “Number 73 spiritually reminds you that you are on the right path in life. Your guardian angels show you the way towards living a fulfilling and successful life. You need to maintain a positive and confident demeanor in order to make your dreams a reality. At all times, the divine realm is urging you to become a better version of yourself.”

That is the dress she settled for in Paris when she wanted number 89! The dress was her last lesson! Be confident and remain positive to achieve success to become a better version of yourself like that is exactly what she was trying to do! But it crept back up and she didn’t stay true to herself and she gave the dress away 😭😭😭😭 I felt so bad for her! But once she realized she had to put herself first do you know what happened?? She learned her lesson and saturn delivered

LITERALLY DELIVERED A PACKAGE FROM CHRISTIAN DIOR THAT HAD DRESS NUMBER 89 MADE CUSTOMIZED TO HER MEASUREMENTS BC THEY SAW IT IN THE PAPER AND KNEW SHE GAVE IT AWAY BC SHE WAS TOO KIND AND THEY COULDNT LET HER LOSE LIKE THAT 😭😭

You know what number 89 is??? Service to others! “As per 89 symbolism, life is short. To make the best out of your life, you need to be ready to make the necessary sacrifices. Be bold and brave in everything that you do in order to achieve all the great things in your life. Live your life to the fullest because you only live once. Live the best life that you can live because no one will live your life for you. Do not spend your life being miserable but instead always ensure that you are living a happy and fulfilled life.” !!!!!!!!! And that’s exactly what she did she took charge and quit the jobs where she wasn’t appreciated to live her life! She wore her 89 dress to a party and had a grand entrance and she was finally seen! 😭😭 and she danced the night away in her Dior dress 💕

Meanwhile back in Paris that bitch who had bought 89 initially never made the final payment bc her husband was a crook and he got arrested and she lost all her money bc it wasn’t their money 🤷🏾‍♀️ Saturn’s karma!

I think that MH had saturn 2H!! Bc it was dealing with her valuing herself like she already knew who she was and what she meant to people and how she could help them but she didn’t see herself as important to take up space you know?? And they say people get karma related to the house saturn is in for the person they wronged and it would make sense that lady lost all her money after wronging MH bc 2H!! 😤

And I also think that she turned 60 at the end bc that goes back to her “I want to be seen” statement bc she’s finally seen at the end of the movie and 60 is a 1H year!!! She would’ve felt hidden away all 12H year at 59 and just going through a lot of subconscious change to come out new when she turned 60 and completed her saturn return!! 😌

Even with the colors of the dresses! Green and red! Immediately made me think of Libra and Aries and how they’re on the same axis but one is ruled by Venus (green) and the other is ruled by mars (red)

When you think about growth during saturn return you think of all the obstacles that you face that teach you lessons and these obstacles come from aspects that the other planets are making to saturn it’s not saturn as a lone actor! Saturn is exalted in Libra meaning it’s comfortable there so you’re not going to be getting that same tension that leads you to your growth as you would with mars. Which is what we see when she pics the green dress! Appropriately named VENUS! That’s the one where she falls back into her usual habits (saturn) of people pleasing (Libra)! She settles just like she does with everything else.

However, what she came to Paris for is a drastic change in her life. Something to shake things up for her! And who better to do that for you than Mars??? The planet of action! She was drawn to the red dress! Saturn and mars have a lot of tension and that’s what we see happening with MH bc she not only has to fight against the socialite buying the dress first she also has to fight her own feelings of unworthiness! She wasn’t ready to overcome that on her first day in Paris that’s why it didn’t happen until after she left and saw the Venus dress get ruined and went through her depression! Lack of balance! She was giving too much of herself to people to the point where she gave her DREAM DRESS that she worked so hard for to some girl who burned it!

Further, lol, the name of the red dress is what? TEMPTATION!! That is what brought her to Paris! She saw a Dior dress in that woman’s closet she was cleaning and was so tempted to try it on but didn’t let herself so she just held it up in front of her by the mirror 😭 but temptation is ruled by what?? Pluto and Neptune

Pluto the planet of transformation! In a way that destroys the previous version (turned to ashes like the 73 dress) to make way for the new version! It was necessary bc MH would have never gotten the 89 dress without that girl burning it

Neptune comes in because if I’m correct in saying she turned 60 at the end and entered her 1H year finally being seen she would be in a 12H year before while trying to get the dress and 12H is ruled by Neptune bc that’s the pisces house (not her personal house idk what that is bc she doesn’t have a real bday lol) and she finally allowed herself to give in to her temptations by the end! She got the dress she was tempted by, she quit her job like she was tempted to, she made a grand entrance which she was tempted to do before but never did bc she didn’t feel like it was her place and she allowed herself to give this guy a chance even tho she had been tempted for years she felt guilty bc her husband died in the war or something

She also got rid of the burnt dress by throwing it into the river (Neptune!) and making space bc atp she didn’t know she would get the red dress

This was such a good movie imo 💕

#astrology #astro #astro tumblr #learn astrology #astro community #12th house #saturn return #second saturn return #Saturn in the 2nd house #Venus #Pluto #Neptune #mrs harris goes to paris #numerology #73 meaning #89 meaning #12h profection year #1H profection year

[ididkn0w]

That green and blue machine are both 125,000$ each can u fucking believe that. Only those two bro holy fucking shit. Omg and in the third pic u can’t see well but behind the fence is a robot arm it’s like a while ass transformer. And so it does shit don’t even ask me what but it was rlly cool. Btw this entire time Ive been at the restaurant and me my aunt and my gma and we’ve been waiting while my mom uncle and gpa talked with other clients and business ppl and babe it’s been like two hours and they just got back and they’re arguing about them bc idk prices n shit they said and whatever n they’re like yelling a lil at the table rn and my uncle is saying like u guys are treating this like a spy game and u guys are always so skeptical and thinking shit and my mom and gpa are like being like in a way it is we’re the top 20% more expensive in the market which is bad bc ppl want cheaper obv. N apparently an employee sent these people a list of our costs like how much It cost to produce n stuff n that’s rlly fucking bad like crisis type shit bc ofc we sell at a much higher prices and whatever like there’s a lot more to it that I don’t understand. Now my uncles saying u guys are always so negative and ppl are looking at us. Anyways I’m listening and talking to u it’s 3:31 pm rn. So back tl where I was. We went back to the conference room and they gave us giftssss Ik they’re like mini coffee cups. Omg bruh I can tell my moms backing out now😭 ok so I didn’t take pictures of them inside cus I wasn’t trynna open that shit. Oh yes and this typical Arabic cup to make coffee in. Cool souvenir or whatever. Ok I just got up it’s 3:41 rn I’ll finish typing In a bit. It’s the same thing following them around the fair. Then we finished the tour and got the gifts and then they took us to eat and resturaunt was sooooo pretty idk like the nature outside I felt like I was in the backyard of a rich Californian home idk and bro the food was soooooooo good and I drank Turkish tea again I loved the food. And once again no fucking wifi I always take screenshot to show u so we are and talked for like two hours and then we left and we went back to the factory and we left to the city again in the van and I slept the entire way and they woke me up and we were at a fucjing mall and I was mad as fuxk bc bro I was tired and I’m trynna get home to my man. And so we were there and like nothing was even open like it was rlly new. And I was bored as fuck but it was rlly pretty and then I’m so fr I took a picture of every cat I saw. And so we walked home and we stopped to get groceries and omg I forgot I to tell u at the mall we ate at a cafe. In the morning I took a picture of this place called mustafah u can look again n I thought it was silly bc everyone’s name here is mutsafah and we coincidentally ate there and it was sooooo good I ate a carénele tres leches it was so fucking good and I drank a coffee and they were in these cups that I loved they reminded me of u so much so I wanted them so bad so I went to buy them n they didn’t sell them so I got another ones that I think ull think are rlly cool they remind me of underthink logo. So they’re for our house. Then we walked home n we stopped be a grocery store for food and that’s when k got my Piña and then I stopped at this case place bc I’ve still been trynna get ur sparkly thing for ur cameraaaaa so I went and looked and asked for ur phone n they didn’t have any at that place but they had for mine but I just know they’ll have it at another one of those so don’t worry ur still getting one and I also got u this thing for ur charger u can put on it. I love you😄 n then got home n talked to u for like four hours I think even five

[kithtaehyung]

AHHH RYEN I SECURED TICKETS FOR 5/6 IN CHICAGOOOO!!! (congrats to those who also got tickets!)

Bro, oh my god. I’ve only ever done ticketing one other time for PTD in Vegas and I didn’t have a membership back then, so I was kind of a newbie on the whole thing…. and let me just say, what a brutal. fucking. nightmare. I was so anxious all day I couldn’t eat any food, and then during the sale, I bit all my nails off it was so bad 😭

I was initially hoping for floor seats but when I got through the queue they were basically all gone, and so I had to keep trying and trying different seats and LET ME JUST SAY THAT MY LEAST FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD RN IS THE STUPID ASS MESSAGE THEY GIVE YOU WHEN SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY PURCHASED THE SEATS 😭 LIKE UGH SERIOUSLY?? I got the same notification like 20 times on BOTH my devices. Not to mention how the ticket prices went up in the middle of the sale (I saw a tweet that said their tickets went up in price while they were in their cart…)

Anyway, my mom also loves BTS so I was buying tickets for both of us, and she told me that my limit on price should be $400 per ticket (since money’s been tough lately), but like because of the rising prices, and the constant messages saying they were taken, the cheapest ones I could even find were for like $560…. so now she’s mad at me because I didn’t wait to buy cheaper resold tickets. But she doesn’t understand that like, there’s no guarantee that there will be 2 resold tickets seated together? or that they won’t all get bought by waitlisted fans before I get the chance… it’s just frustrating because she doesn’t understand that I didn’t want to risk waiting when I also already had the code and didn’t wanna be rude and waste it.

BUT despite all of that, I am still SO RELIEVED now that I know I have the tickets and I’m SO EXCITED… I need to start planning my outfit 😫😫

(also sorry this was so long, i just needed to share my excitement/also frustration w/ someone!!)

Oh holy dang, Abby😳😳 YOU DID ITTTT also this totally reads like the whole ticketing experience in a nutshell💀 apparently PTD vegas was the worst thing ever but I guess I got out unscathed because it went relatively smooth for me. But maybe it only felt that way bc MOTS was more of a battle in my case✌️😀 to have those vip tickets washed away definitely wasn’t the coolest news to hear lol

Listen. Once your mom is at the concert and experiencing all that?? She won’t mind a damn thing LMAO I think life is just too short to always err on the side of caution. You just gotta say screw it sometimes and deal with the aftermath later😂

Excited for you! I happen to have some test shirts coming in tomorrow so if you need some fit ideas I may be able to help👀👀

#you did it!! #abby! #d3tour #long post #mailbox💌

[di0rdevil]

Affirming Success Story Compilation by moi 💋✨

these are some results I’ve gotten over the past few months of 2022 ✨

1.”Payday”

at my workplace the times we get our checks is every two weeks like normal. I wanted to get my paycheck a whole week earlier bc y’all know I’m impatient with money and want to see that bank rack up 😌

but all jokes aside, I kept affirming to myself that “oh I don’t need to worry, I’m gonna get paid tomorrow anyway” or “I’m getting paid tomorrow I’m so excited “ things like that I kept telling myself. I got home from work on Friday and checked my account, I did indeed get paid a whole week early and to make things even better, they’re changing our paydays so we get paid every week instead of every two weeks!

🌱 ｡.｡:∞♡*🌱｡.｡:∞♡*🌱

2. “Rona”

ok so this one is abt to sound mad stupid but hear me out 💀

So around the last month nd a half of school and a few assignments were coming up in two of my classes which were a five minute presentation and an essay presentation. Now me, I don’t like public speaking and wanted any way out of doing the public speaking portion. Around state testing time I noticed I started to feel a bit sick and decided to call out sick and go home after I took my states math exam. My mom was worried sick that I might have the Rona so she tested me and it came out negative. Me thinking “oh if I do end up having rona I could stay out of school for longer to buy some time”. And that is sorta what I did, I affirmed for less than two minutes saying to myself “the rona test will come out positive “ and the morning that I had to go back to school my mom tested me again and it came faintly positive which shocks me sm because what the actual hell. I didn’t feel sick but I was so gassed that I got to stay home for like four days. (The sleep I got was heavenly). I did get my presentation pushed back for one class though so it was worth it, I had more time to prepare!

🌱 ｡.｡:∞♡*🌱｡.｡:∞♡*🌱

3. “Bomb bomb bakudan”

this title sounds stupid af if you don’t play Genshin Impact but again, hear me out.

For you genshin impact players, the Kazuha and Klee banner dropped about two days ago. I’ve wanted to pull for Klee since last year’s golden apple archipelago event but instead I got a Diluc which I coped with for an entire year. I affirmed to myself two days ago “watch this, I’m gonna get Klee in this pull” (mind you it was a single pull) and I got her off of no pity. Last patch I got venti via pity so it’s impossible for me to be capping rn. A SINGLE PULL, I was in such disbelief. If you look at my older posts I mentioned I did the same thing to intentionally pull a Jean on standard banner.

🌱 ｡.｡:∞♡*🌱｡.｡:∞♡*🌱

4. “The pretty friend”

So this is sorta a result that’s been going on for the entire year so it’s not really new to me anymore.

I’ve always felt like the ugly friend in my past friend groups, being the one that sticks out. I was heavier than my peers (being blonde yt girls, there’s no problem with them being yt it’s just that comparing yourself when you’re a completely different race is wild) and looked completely different than them. I felt completely inferior, like I was lesser. I was never persued, never got attention and was the “other side of the sidewalk” friend when it came to what I like to call “pretty politics”. This past year I moved and consistently listened to my playlists, affirmed and obviously tried to better myself by working out and treating myself better. When I tell you the whiplash I got when I entered the campus was incredible, like I had ppl left and right calling me pretty almost treating me like a celebrity?? Like boys my type actually talk to me now, that never happened before. I won’t say I’m of it-girl status yet but that’s what this account is for anyway, tracking my progress! Anyway I was coined “the pretty friend” by my peers and being a dark skinned African American girl, sometimes you find that hard to believe because of what you’ve been told since like elementary school. I’ve been told that I should model, many people believe I should even though I’m like 5’6 but that’s not the point. (Like I’m deadass a girl stopped me in the hallway and asked me to take a picture with her WHEN I WAS WEARING A MASK) It’s the confidence I gained after affirming myself and people confirming my affirmations for me that reflected this all into my reality. If you told me like two years ago that I’d be like this I would fr laugh at you, but what can I say. I’m just that girl now 🎀 *and being that girl I’m gonna bag a bf just as easy as 1..2..3..Here’s my old playlist so y’all can use it as reference bc it works SO WELL ( I used it from Jan 2022 to may 2022)

*I’m gonna update y’all on that I promise 🫡

#baby pink #manifesting #pretty #manifestation #level up #corporate barbie #loassumption #law of detachment #law of attraction #affirmyourreality #affirmations #subliminals #vinetria #pretty privilege

[blogging-thots]

July 3 2022

Today I worked at the Pizza restaurant and we had two new people (one of them used to work there but came back this month) that came in and one of them was taking tables and the other one was working drive thru (I work drive thru all the time bc I don’t take tables) but today was so slow that we had to take turns with drive thru but the really new girl kept standing near the drive thru window, so it was hard for me to try to work at drive thru too, which I was upset but didn’t say anything bc I didn’t want to be mean and act like I own that position.

I could’ve made $30-40 today but bc that new girl kept being there I only made $20 (not bad bc last week I barely made that much but still tho 😕😕😕)

There’s also a cook there that gets on my nerves sometimes, but he’s been keeping his distance from me lately, which I don’t mind at all bc when he used to bother me a lot, I would be so annoyed and stressed, but he gave me a compliment about my hair being cute when it’s pull up with a hair claw and that it looks good on me and I laughed and was thinking “wtf eww” 😂😂😂 like thanks for the compliment but eww lmao and he thought I was turning red bc of the compliment but f—no I was red bc I was getting hot as f from mopping the floors bc it was so f—- hot in the restaurant bc the AC was kept on 74F and that’s f—- hot for me especially when moving around a lot. Not him thinking I’m getting red from the compliment like bishhhhh in your dreams lmao. 😂😂😂

I go to orientation on July 6, 9AM, and I’m excited/ nervous bc it’s been so long since I’ve been in school and at 3:30PM my college bff 👯‍♀️will pick my up from school and we’ll hangout for a little 😁😊 I wonder if we’ll get uniforms from our program for free or we have to pay (???) I hope we don’t have to bc I’m so brokeeeeee 😢😢😢😢😢

I’m working hard towards having a good future for myself. I want a stable job and financial status, so I don’t have to work a restaurant job and clean toilets like I do now and struggle w/ money like everyday. I never thought my life would get to this point where I’m the only one working and my parents not working bc my mom never worked ever since she came to USA and my dad not being able to work bc he’s not physically flexible like before. I think if we never moved to TX and stayed in CA, I think life would be okay and good enough to live w/o worrying about money and how we’ll pay for bills. I don’t ever want to be kicked out home for not having money to pay rent. Idk what I’ll do if I ended up homeless, living on the streets. My dad’s side doesn’t bother helping financially knowing his physical condition and they have good money to not worry about their financial status. My mom’s side has helped us financially so much that they get mad at us now bc we always ask for money every month, so we can have enough to pay rent and now my grandma cannot help anymore bc business isn’t busy like before. I know when I get my biggest paycheck I will pay my grandma first and then my uncles and will buy grandma delicious foods! My grandma deserves the best and the whole world ! She worked her whole life from young to elderly and deserves the best vacation and time w/ family W/ NO STRESS!! I feel such a burden to her and my family members bc they work hard to make their money and then there’s me and my parents… we are useless people.

Sometimes I want to disappear 🫠🫠🫠 (not die ofc) so I can stop being a burden to others. I feel sometimes that I’m a burden to my bffs even though they say I’m not but I feel they just tell me that so I wouldn’t be sad. I know they love me and I love them too, but sometimes these negative thoughts get to the best of me and causes me to overthink when in reality they probably really care for me. 🫠🫠🫠

Anyways, I hope I can get free books when I apply for this college grant bc books are so expensive like those books can pay for my rent and electricity (WHY ARE COLLEGE BOOKS SO EXPENSIVE?!?!?!??!!! THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL) I also hope I’ll receive a TX GRANT that way it’ll help w/ books & bills (((:

I MUST STAY FOCUS 🧘 AND I PRAY THAT I’LL SOON HAVE A STABLE JOB & INCOME 🙏🙏🙏🙏

(Still looking for a better job w better pay🙃🙃🙃🙃 I’ve been saying that countless times… I’m so picky 😅😅😅)

#blog post #my thoughts #college #life #rants n rambles #rant post #school #student #coworkers #rambles #personal rant #sorry for the rant #rip me i guess #sad boi hours #college student

[thoughtsofanaveragebeinguncut]

I have two things I wanted to get off my chest, one is more of a general update and the other is my usual rant like monologues about my current state of mind

first off, i love the work culture at my new workplace that i’m working at over the holidays. people are so sweet and it’s so different to the extremely corporate and retail environment that I was exposed to for 4 years at my previous workplace (good for building a cv ig, but was the anguish worth it? (lol i do be exaggerating but it literally felt underappreciated all the time and overworked because they were over staffed). Anyways, back to the matter at hand. Yeah, people are so nice. There is a man, a kindly workplace dad vibes, who said he wouldn’t mind taking me to and from work if I lived in his area (I do not, but it was a kind gesture). There is a girl who overshares about her life but she is always looking out for people and she volunteers to help me get stuff that I can’t get without even me prompting her (bc I’m awkward and feel bad for disrupting her). There is a lady and she is quite scary when she’s mad. Gives scary vibes but after getting to know her better, I can tell that she just speaks her mind and she is kind to me too. 

okay and secondly (really briefly because I need to get up at 6am tmrw for work and I’m tired lol). I received my invoice today for smth that I have to buy as part of my course. And I’m been working 5.5/7 days a week for almost a month now and what I’ve made doesn’t even cover the costs yet DX like wth fml anyways, and that’s not even all of it. Looking at my invoice and the things I’m getting, I feel extremely insecure about my own capabilities. I doubt my own skills and every time I think of what I need to do with the things I need to buy, I hate myself and my lack of ability to do things well. And I am so worried that I’ll never be able to do those things up to the standard that is required of me. idk it’s so pointless to be lost in a spiral of self doubt but I find it so difficult to crawl out of this hole that I’ve dug myself. i accidentally catastrophise too easily :((( eff me 

yeah, i just had no one to rant to so the internet is my free therapy ig, i just needed to vent. i’ve tried journalling but writing takes a lot longer than typing does. and i could just use like a google doc or like a private blog account just for me, but that just doesn’t hit the same (idk maybe one day, i like journalling it just takes so long) but yeah, hopefully i’ll be back soon with more positive feelings but for now, happy holidays and wishing me the best for the new year! 

[the-grays-of-ink]

Well. Guess who’s furious

It this guy!!

I thought I just wasn’t putting in enough hours with my viola and that’s why it sounded bad

Nope!!! It’s my f***ing bow

I just borrowed my sister’s and wow do I sound so much better

Absolutely furious bc I had a terrible bow so I traded it and got ig an even worse one. Loosens in two seconds and it’s literally impossible to use

I used it all last summer for market. The whole. Summer.

THE FACT THAT I COULD HABE SOUNDED SO GOOD AND SAVED MY STUPID FINGERS. IT WASNT TOO LITTLE PRACTICE IT WAS THE STUPID BOW

Anyway I stopped playing bc of it and have only discovered this a year rusty (a year rusty!! Sounding way better than I ever did in practice with a borrowed awful quality violin bow!!) after quitting bc of depression is fine 🥲 /s

Can’t justify buying a new bow now that I’m never going to play again so I guess I’ll just sit here and cry abt how much better I would have sounded last year with a different bow before I quit for good. Might not have even quit tbh I might’ve been able to handle it when if I ever got my adhd managed

God I’m so mad

#of course I’m digging through all of my sister’s accomplishments and awards looking for sheet music so I totally don’t feel insignificant no #I’m seriously so upset I struggled in orchestra trying to #finally get an okay instrument only to get an awful bow and think that it’s me #I sound better a year rusted with a borrowed bow than I did last year playing with my case open #and I’m more furious that I only realized this far after this ship has sailed and there’s nothing I can do abt it #I was never a great player #but I can tell I was greatly hindered by that bow #which sounds like an excuse but seriously #it’s not like I’m good now #it’s like I have the capability to play my best and have it sound recognizable #I was always so sad about viola #like I loved it but I could never do any of the scheduling and could never remember to practice it #to I got bitter and resentful and such #to be clear: I knew that my bow was broken #but I had no idea how bad it was #I thought it was just annoying not knocking my playing down several years of quality