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mstigeress37-blog · 1 year

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whipped

Eddie.M x Sunshine!Cheerleader!Reader

Desc: Eddie never knew why you hung out with the cheerleaders. They were terrible people.

OR, Eddie’s whipped for a cheerleader.

-----

Eddie seemed to know every person in his grade, especially the cheerleaders. He knew them from when they begged for weed, begged for a fuck (since their jock boyfriends couldn't satisfy them), or flat-out just bullied him. Not everyone knew Eddie, nor did they need to, but Eddie knew everyone.

So when he didn't know you, he just assumed you were a new student that the cheerleaders and jocks adopted - you seemed too sweet to be friends with people like them, but for some reason, you were genuinely happy with them.

He sat in front of you for English class. Sometimes, he'd wonder if you ever stared at the back of his head, so suddenly his hair was just a little bit neater than it is on days when he doesn't have English class. You've talked to him once, and Eddie will forever kick himself over the fact that he practically fumbled the bag.

---

If it wasn’t for you, Eddie could be sleeping with his head on the desk right now. But he wants to behave nice for you, so he’ll prop his elbow on his table, resting his jawline in his hand (and maybe pretend he’s paying attention and actually sleep since you’d never know from your angle).

He felt a tap on his shoulder. He glanced to his left, then his right, before concluding that it was *you* who wanted his attention.

“Eddie?” You said after he didn’t turn back. Maybe he didn’t feel you? As you panicked about whether or not he heard you, Eddie’s thoughts were going 1000 miles per hour. Hearing his name come from your lips made him freeze - his name suddenly sounded appealing to him.

As you were about to retreat and just ask Jason behind you, Eddie finally turns around with a facial expression that you could never describe: his face was blank, or was he trying to smoulder?

You give him a smile. “Sorry, my pen ran out of ink. Do you have a spare pen?” You softly spoke, tilting your head to the side slightly.

Eddie didn’t even have a pen for himself, never mind for someone else! Tongue down his throat, he just shook his head.

“It’s okay, no worries!” You said before slumping back and whispering to someone else, probably Jason. Eddie turns around, what the hell was that?

He admired her, sure. He thought she was cute, sure. He thought she’d make a good girlfriend, sure. But when she makes him that nervous, something is obviously wrong. Aside from her hanging out with awful people, of course.

---

Eddie was meeting up with one of cheerleaders right before a game for a deal under the bleachers - apparently she can only do the deal during a cheer rehearsal break - otherwise he wouldn't be here.

He watched from under the bleachers through the seats as they did their pyramids and their tumbles, yadda yadda yadda. He didn’t care until a familiar face showed up.

You.

“Sorry I’m late!” He could hear you yell. You were in a cheerleader’s uniform and you were walking in as you did you hair into a messy ponytail. A few of the cheerleaders greeted you with a smile and a hug, telling you to stretch before you joined them.

Eddie didn’t know how to feel. Was the cheerleader’s uniform always so hot? Was a rushed ponytail always so sexy? Should he buy some basketball tickets now? Shit, now he cant’ say that all cheerleaders are bitches now, especially since they seemed to treat you well.

He had to turn away as she stretched, he’d be no better than Jason and Andy then.

Soon enough, his buyer found him.

“Thank God. I’m about to die.” She complained, handing him the money. Eddie checked through it before giving her the bag.

“Thanks, freak. [Name]’s gonna love this!” She said as she turned to walk away. Eddie felt himself go wide eyed.

“No.”

She turned around. “Huh?”

Eddie didn’t know how to react again. He smokes weed, he smokes cigarettes. He knows he’s a hypocrite by trying to stop you from doing what he does, but so be it.

“That’s just enough for one person. You want someone else to try weed, you send them to me. I only sell 1 gram.”

She starts walking back to him in a slight rage. “Listen, fucker. Market your shit somewhere else. How’re you gonna know if I share this shit or not?” She cackles in his face, but he refuses to back up.

“Fine. Ask Chance if he’s fine with the bag I gave him the next time you fuck and sniff some of the white stuff, yeah? Or maybe I should ask his girlfriend instead.” Eddie smirks, tilting his head to the side innocently like how you did. Her face drops and she backs up.

“Cunt,” is all she says before walking away, walking backwards to hold eye contact and shoot daggers at his smirk before turning around and walking away.

---

Entering the cafeteria the day after a basketball game felt like hell. Somehow everyone loved the players enough to go into the cafeteria instead of their normal lunch space just to congratulate them. He finds his table and makes his way over to it before seeing you sit at his table, Dustin bombarding you.

You sat in his chair.

Good.

When Dustin notices him, he seems to panic. “Hey, you wanna sit next to me, [Name]?”

“It’s fine, she can stay there.” He smiles at you. He fucked up last time, he won’t now.

“Thanks!” You give him another warm smile. Never mind, maybe he’ll fuck up again.

Everyone moves down for Eddie to sit at least close to the top except for Dustin, to which Eddie has to clear his throat and slap his arm a bit before Dustin did so.

“So you were saying?” Dustin ushered.

“Oh yeah! So, I hurt my ankle, but at the time, it didn't feel as bad, guess it was the adrenaline, but the moment we finished and I sat down, I felt it and, guys, I can’t even describe the pain- Hey! Like, I’ve never sprained my ankle before, pulled a muscle sure, but- yeah, I’ll be there in a sec! But it was awful!” You ramble, people greeting you as they walked past the table.

Eddie caught himself whipped for you, taking in every word of her rant. She hurt herself? Shit, let him take care of you. You wanna know when she’s coming to your table? Listen to her, she said she’ll be there in a second so give her a second. She’s popular? Who wouldn’t like her?

The group talked for a bit until the bell rang.

“Oh, shit! Um, I wanted to ask if I could join your DnD games if you needed someone? I already have a character and everything if that helps!” You said.

Yep. He’s whipped.

#eddie munson #stranger things #sunshine reader #cheerleader reader #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x f!reader #eddie munson fluff

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steele-soulmate · 10 months

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Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 396, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, blood, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage)

WORDS: 1135

I smiled as I leaned into Peter, the girls lost in playing their music, Elizabeth on her Celtic harp and Katie on the grand piano. As per Elizabeth’s request, I was recording their performance on her cell phone, amazed at the girls’ musical talent as they finished the song to thunderous applause from the cast of Wednesday Addams: A Dark New Spooktacular Broadway Musical.

“That was magnificent!” Ken Anderson cheered. “I’m going to have you two do that medley for the cast album! You two of geniuses!”

“Lizz Lizz composed the entire medley all by herself!” Katie announced joyfully, sticking one of her pigtails into her mouth to chew on the ends, a tick of hers that she picked up on shortly after the terrorist attack on the Type O Negative concert.

“Still, you girls are so talented!” Ken Anderson beamed before excusing himself to take a phone call. “Hi mom!”

“Peter, how’s Isabelle doing?” I asked him as we all took a break for breakfast a few minutes later.

He pulled out his cell phone and pulled up the app that showed live feeds throughout the house. We saw Isabella taking a load of whites out of the dryer and dumping the clean laundry into a basket before pulling out the darks from the washing machine and doing a quick rotation. She went back into the kitchen, where we saw a plate with a sandwich and a bottle of Coke out on the kitchen counter, which was apparently her lunch. Peter closed out of the feed as she pulled out a t-shirt and shook it.

“You thinking of employing her as a live in nanny to the kids?” he asked me as I filled his sectioned off plate, piling on food for him and being certain not to allow any touching whatsoever, knowing that Peter wouldn’t touch his food if there was any touching.

“I think it would be a fantastic opportunity,” I shrugged, dumping a spoonful of hashbrowns. “It will allow your leg more time to heal instead of having you drive everywhere every day. But we will need to discuss it with Isabelle once we get back home again.”

“Do you think we should make up a contract in the meantime?” Peter fretted, taking his plate from my hand and patting his lap, offering me a place to sit and eat. “For protection, I mean. I’m hesitant about letting someone we don’t know have access to the kids, given your past history.”

“I agree completely Peter,” I hummed around a bite of eggs. “Well, how about room and board? She could stay with us in exchange for dropping off and picking the girls up from school, helping them with their homework and stuff like that.”

“According to Google, average pay for live in nannies in the state of New York is northwards of eight hundred dollars,” Peter fretted as he looked at his cell phone. “Do you think we should pay her that much or knock it down some as how she’ll be living with us? And also, should we take into consideration child labor laws for Elizabeth and Katie for being in the Wednesday Addams musical?”

“Fret not, papa- I got that all covered!” Ken Anderson announced, stepping back into the rehearsal hall, tucking his cell phone back into his pocket. “Child labor laws in the state of New York is consecutive to six hours in total, including a thirty minute lunch. So yes, I am very much aware of how much time the Ratajczyk sisters spend in rehearsal with the cast!”

“And we should also do a background check,” Peter added in.

“I can ask Adam for help on that part,” I told him with a smile, twisting around to press a sweet kiss to the underside of his furry jaw. “He may be asking us to take the girls for a week, as how his’s and Anna’s wedding anniversary is coming up pretty soon.”

“Yeah?” he chuckled, setting his plate down and wrapping his hands around my waist. “One hundred and forty two days until we can try for Ratajczyk baby number two.”

“You getting excited now, my love?” I giggled as Katie made her way up to us with little girl in her arms.

“I asked Lizz Lizz to show me how to change the babies’ diapers but she told me to ask you first,” she announced, pressing her nose into the happily babbling two year old’s cornrow braids. “Please?”

“I don’t have a problem with it,” I told Peter before he gave his daughter his blessing for Elizabeth to teach her how to change the babies’ diapers. “They will be wonderful siblings to Ratajczyk baby number two.”

“Yes they will be.” He pressed a whiskery kiss to the underside of my jaw, making me elicit a girlish giggle at how sappy and loving the Ratajczyk patriarch was being towards me.

CLICK

The two of us withdrew from our little moment and turned to look at Ken Anderson, who had apparently snapped a picture of our nonsexual intimacy with each other.

“For the Instagram page,” he explained sheepishly, showing us the snapshot that he had just taken.

“Nice,” Peter chuckled, whining when I stood up from my perch in his lap to toss away our spent plates. “Sweetheart…”

I turned around and huffed at him making grabby hands towards me. I went back over to him and was immediately tugged back into his lap again with a little growl.

“You are my woman,” he snarled as the rehearsals started up once more. “Mine! I don’t like sharing what’s rightfully mine!”

I squeaked as my panties started flooding and I knew that my sexy silver daddy was going to fucking rail me when we had a moment to ourselves.

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@starchild0985

#Real person fiction (RPF)#Tattooed Wings #Peter Thomas Ratajczyk #Type O Negative #Vanessa Rose Pickings/ little girl #Special needs baby #Aria Bradley #Evie Bradley #Deaf #American Sign Language (ASL)#Elizabeth Ratajczyk #Alopecia #Thomas Joseph Ratajczyk/ Baby Tommy #Autism #Katie Ratajczyk #Down's Syndrome #Matching tattoos soulmate AU

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goldstarnation · 3 years

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Q2 2021 GOLD STAR MEDIA SCHEDULES & REVIEW

Members may earn up to 18 points for writing, by the end of June 30 KST:

Up to three solo paras of 400+ words based on their quarterly schedule (does not count toward your monthly limit). (three points each)

Up to three threads of eight posts (four per participant, including the starter) based on the monthly schedule. (three points each)

Threads and solos do not have to take place directly during an important date listed on the schedule, but must be related to what the muse is mentioned to be doing in the paragraph explaining their schedule/the company’s schedule and/or their thoughts on the mentioned activities or lack thereof.

These schedules may be updated if new information needs to be added.

Reminder: Please do not post schedule posts in the fmdschedule tag.

Schedule posts for this quarter can be tagged with #fmdgsrq221.

OVERALL COMPANY

News of Element’s disbandment spreads fast through staff whispers even before the news is publicly announced. They’re the first group Gold Star’s ever debuted that has disbanded, and the preparation of a new boy group and girl group debuting under Gold Star as a result has the company staff spread thinner than they had already been. It’s not yet apparent if having three new groups debuting under Gold Star in the next year will help the company thrive or be its downfall, but with their soloist leaving earlier in the year still being talked-about news, Gold Star can only hope it at least diverts the talk around them to something else.

Important dates:

June 8-13: Triple Fantasy Festival in Indio, CA, USA.

SILHOUETTE

Riding high off of their latest comeback’s success, Silhouette continues to prepare for their Japanese comeback this quarter up until the single release in May and the album release at the very end of the quarter. It’s also not long before they begin preparing to make their Korean comeback, and they’ll record the songs off of their new album in May. Once their album is finished recording and off for mastering, in June, they’ll quickly fit in the rest of their pre-comeback preparations, from rehearsing the choreography for “Kill Bill” and b-side “Recipe”, shooting the photo book, and filming the music video to wrap up the quarter. It’s a faster comeback preparation process than usual, but after eleven years in the industry, their team trusts they can handle.

Important dates:

April 5: Pretz CF filming.

April 26: B.L.E.S.S.E.D. comeback teaser photo and photo jacket shoot.

May 10: “B.L.E.S.S.E.D.” M/V filming.

May 28: “B.L.E.S.S.E.D.” M/V release.

June 3: Black Box photo book shoot.

June 28: “Kill Bill” M/V filming day one.

June 29: “Kill Bill” M/V filming day two.

June 30: Release of B.L.E.S.S.E.D. Japanese album.

ARIA

This quarter, Aria will hold the concerts they prepared for last quarter (which include the solo stages they prepared) in Seoul and Tokyo. On their tenth anniversary on the nineteenth of April, they’ll release their new fan song and will also hold a special lottery fan sign for their fan club members for a special physical edition of the single. In June, they’ll leave their round of concerts behind to begin to prepare for their second comeback of the year. This comeback will be with a full album, but there won’t be that many more songs for each member to record than usual since several of the tracks are solo songs. At the end of June, with the rough versions of the tracks ready, the Aria members will turn to choreography practice of the title track, “Firework”. The solo tracks are assigned as follows:

“Stay There”: Leader/vocal/rapper

“Two Of Us”: Main vocal

“Actually, This Is A Secret”: Main dancer/lead vocal

“Hush”: Lead dancer/vocal

“Diary”: Main rapper/lead vocal

Important dates:

April 10: Pink Collection: Red and White concert at SK Handball Stadium in Seoul.

April 11: Pink Collection: Red and White concert at SK Handball Stadium in Seoul.

April 19: Release of “Everybody Ready” fan song, Tenth anniversary fan sign in Gangnam, Seoul.

May 1: Aria Japan Live Pink Collection concert at Toyosu Pit in Tokyo, Japan.

May 2: Aria Japan Live Pink Collection concert at Toyosu Pit in Tokyo, Japan.

ORIGIN

For the year’s second quarter, Origin is once again set to pumping up company profits (and meeting fans) with their continued world tour. This quarter, they see Japan, England, Germany, and Spain over the course of several flights out and back into (and back out of) Seoul. In mid-June, they’ll release their Japanese single which is, as everyone is expecting from them at this high a point in their careers, a success. When they’re in Seoul between tour stops, beginning in May, the members will start to prepare their next Korean comeback. Though it will be considered a Korean comeback, it will be their first all-English single — “Dynamite”. Recording will be done by the end of that month and, in June, it will be time for them to use the extra free time that comes with fewer tour dates to spend hours rehearsing the choreography.

Important dates:

April 25: Map of the Soul tour concert at Fukuoka PayPay Dome in Fukuoka, Japan.

April 26: Map of the Soul tour concert at Fukuoka PayPay Dome in Fukuoka, Japan.

May 7: Map of the Soul tour concert at Twickenham Stadium in London, England.

May 8: Map of the Soul tour concert at Twickenham Stadium in London, England.

May 12: Map of the Soul tour concert at De Kuip in London, England.

May 15: Map of the Soul tour concert at Olympiastadion in Berlin, Germany.

May 16: Map of the Soul tour concert at Olympiastadion in Berlin, Germany.

June 4: Map of the Soul tour concert at Estadi Olímpic Lluís Companys in Barcelona, Spain.

June 5: Map of the Soul tour concert at Estadi Olímpic Lluís Companys in Barcelona, Spain.

June 18: Release of ‘Stay Gold” Japanese single.

IMPULSE

They come back pretty early into the month and the comeback is well-received by fans, though also slightly overshadowed by the news that Element will be disbanding that comes out less than a week after Impulse releases their new album. Public attention directed at Gold Star may be diverted, but fans are paying attention and they have to be given content, so the members will have several promotional videos to film over the course of their comeback promotions, as well as a few fan signs. They’ll also make two television appearances on live performance shows. Fan support also earns the fans a special “angel version” dance practice. After Impulse finishes promoting, they’ll be mostly off the radar save for a fan sign in their role as ambassadors of the Face Shop as they dive into rehearsals for the tour they’ll be embarking on beginning next quarter. They’ll perform their recent songs, so they’ll need to brush up on their last few comebacks, and each member will also get to choose a solo stage to perform (as long as it matches their position).

Important dates:

April 6: “All Night” M/V reaction video filming.

April 7: Release of “All Night” & All Light album + press showcase, music show promotions continue through May 7.

April 8: Relay Dance video filming.

April 10: Yoo Heeyeol’s Sketchbook appearance filming (to air: April 23).

April 11: Open Concert appearance filming (to air: April 18).

April 15: Fan sign in Yeouido, Seoul.

April 17: Fan sign in Yeongdeungpo, Seoul.

April 22: Mannequin MV video filming.

May 2: Fan sign in Yongsan, Seoul.

May 3: All Night Special Dance Practice video filming.

May 7: End of music show promotions.

June 15: The Face Shop fansign in Yongsan.

↳ PULS2

No schedules for the quarter.

Important dates:

N/A

FUSE

April proceeds similarly to what Fuse’s schedules have been for the past few months. They begin the month with a photo shoot for the US edition of W magazine and at the end of the month, they’ll give a military performance. In May, the Fuse members not in Fuse B&W are given a mostly free month before June comes around, when they’ll finally begin working on their next comeback, which will release just over a year since their last release. Gold Star has only approved a digital single comeback for them, but by the end of June, they’ll have it recorded and ready to continue preparing for their comeback next quarter.

Important dates:

April 4: Photo shoot for W’s May issue.

April 28: Performance (Psycho & Umpah Umpah) for military at Seoul Air Base in Seongnam (also performing: Lipstick and BEE).

↳ FUSE B&W

Choreography practice continues to be a pivotal point of focus leading up to the actual song releases, but April and the beginning of May will also involve shooting music videos and other promotional videos for the era, as well as photo shoots for the album jacket and teasers. Once they make their subunit debut, they promote for almost two months straight into the next quarter. “Monster” outperforms “Naughty” by a lot, but the latter is intended more as a follow-up track to extend their promotions than a true single focus anyway, so Gold Star isn’t too bothered by it and the fans are happy for the sub-unit to promote so long after an extended period without as many schedules as fans would have liked to see them have.

Important dates:

April 12: Monster photo book and teaser photo shoot.

April 20: “Monster” M/V filming.

April 30: “Naughty” M/V and episode 2 filming.

May 2: Episode 3 (Uncover) filming.

May 17: Release of “Monster” & Monster mini-album + press showcase, music show promotions continue through June 17.

May 30: Fan sign in Mapo, Seoul.

May 31: Fan sign in Yeungdeongpo, Seoul.

June 7: Fan sign in Jongno, Seoul.

June 15: Fan sign in Gangnam, Seoul.

June 17: End of music show promotions.

June 21: Release of “Naughty”, music show promotions continue through July 21.

ELEMENT

Last month, the Element members were informed shortly before their planned late March comeback that their comeback date was being pushed back to mid-March. The next day, this information was shared with the public. Answers weren’t given much at first, but at the beginning of April, the members are pulled into a meeting with a very serious mood if their managers’ expressions are anything to go by. In the meeting, they’re told by a staff member that You will be their final comeback after reviewing the company’s profits and speaking to investors and the company’s board in recent meetings. Element will be disbanding and the company will be re-debuting the members in new groups. They are told not to share this with fans, as the company will take the initiative to announce the impending disbandment the day after Element makes their comeback and the news about re-debut will be made public at a latter time.

Promotions for the comeback itself are kept to a minimum other than fan signs as closure for final meeting with fans as Element, Gold Star apparently seeing little purpose in a big budget for the group’s farewell. Element officially disbands on May 13, 2021, and the members will henceforth be under the schedules of Element’s new upcoming boy group Quicksilver or their new upcoming girl group Marigold. Element members must be moved out of their dorms into their new dorms between May 13 and May 31.

Important dates:

April 5: Company meeting.

April 12: Release of “You” & You mini-album + press showcase, music show promotions continue through June 17.

April 18: Fansign in Gangnam, Seoul.

April 27: Fansign in Mapo, Seoul.

May 10: Fansign in Gimpo.

May 11: Fansign in Yeouido, Seoul.

May 12: End of music show promotions.

FEMME FATALE

Femme Fatale finish comeback preparations in the first few weeks of April before they dive back into promotions at the end of the month after more than a year since their last comeback. The song is received well, as most anything seems to be with Femme Fatale’s name attached to it recently, and becomes their third number one hit. It breaks their record for highest charting in the US as well, and by the time they come to the end of single promotions, fans are once again reinvigorated despite the low quantity of promotions for the release. Luckily, fans won’t have to wait another whole year for their next comeback and in June, Femme Fatale will record their next single, “Ice Cream”, and learn its choreography to prepare to once again comeback in late July next quarter.

Important dates:

April 3: “How You Like That” M/V filming.

April 20: “How You Like That” Performance Video filming.

April 23: Release of “How You Like That” + press showcase, music show promotions continue through May 23.

April 24: Performance on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.

May 23: End of music show promotions.

VIVE

The rumors that Gold Star is already planning to debut another boy group on the heels of Element’s disbandment puts pressure on Vive to cement their place in the company (as much as a supposedly temporary group can) before they’re facing direct competition form within the same company. Their debut rollout is no small task though and they’re getting the most dedicated resources of any other group under the company at the moment. Their debut album sells well, allowing them to mark their place as the company’s third best physical sellers behind the much more established Impulse and Origin right at debut. They manage to chart, too, not a small feat for a brand new boy group relying on fandom power. They’ve got music videos for almost every track on their debut mini-album to show for all of the attention they’re getting, too, and a first win in their second week of promotions. At the end of their debut promotions, Gold Star will reveal their fandom name (’Vivid”), their fandom colors, and their lightstick, and they’ll begin to prepare to perform a series of US showcase shows next quarter. By June, they’ll already be back in the studio to record their first full album so that they can release it before the end of the summer.

Important dates:

April 4: “Crown” M/V filming.

April 10: “Blue Orangeade” Lyric Video filming.

April 19: Release of “Crown” & The Dream Chapter: Star mini-album + press showcase, music show promotions continue through May 19.

April 22: Relay Dance video [2] filming.

April 24: M2 Be Original video filming.

April 26: “Cat & Dog” M/V & “Cat & Dog (English Ver.)” M/V filming.

May 1: Fan sign in Gangnam, Seoul.

May 3: Fan sign in Yongsan, Seoul.

May 11: Fan sign in Mapo, Seoul.

May 19: End of music show promotions.

May 27: “Nap of a Star” M/V filming.

MARIGOLD

The former female members of Element and two trainees newly confirmed for debut will in early May. After Element finishes promotions, all four members will take a trip for four days to stay at a house on Jeju Island together to get to know each other better with all expenses paid for by the company. When they’re back in Seoul, the members will begin to work together, though not yet officially on their debut this quarter as Gold Star needs to get them used to working together first. The team has been picked to have both standout vocalists and standout dancers, but that won’t mean much if they look as thrown into this as they are. Tthey’ll begin to learn and rehearse choreography they’ll eventually record and release only to reveal the members one by one. The choreography is as follows:

Main dancer/vocal/rapper: “16 Shots”

Main dancer/vocal/rapper & Main rapper/lead dancer/vocal: “Baby Don’t Stop”

Main dancer/vocal/rapper & Main rapper/lead dancer/vocal & Lead vocal: “No Tears Left To Cry”

All members: “River”

All members must be moved into Marigold’s dorm by the end of May.

Important dates:

May 13-17: Group trip to Jeju Island.

QUICKSILVER

The former male members of Element will meet their new groupmates in early May. After Element finishes promotions, they’ll all start moving into the new Quicksilver dorm and all members must be moved in by the end of May. At the beginning of June, they’ll follow in the girls’ footsteps and take a trip to Jeju Island together to get familiar with each other. Gold Star is conscious of not letting Quicksilver directly compete with Vive, so their debut will be later than Marigold’s, meaning there’s a bit more time for a predebut rollout for them. In June, they’ll be spending time in the studio learning choreography for some predebut videos Gold Star will upload. They aren’t filming the video just yet, but the following are the choreography they’ll be rehearsing:

“Pick It Up”

“Lick”

“CoCo” (Main dancer/lead vocal solo)

Important dates:

June 1-5: Group trip to Jeju Island.

#fmdschedule #q2 2021 #fmdgsrq221 #queued post

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fullstop-official · 5 years

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A Hellish Freak Disaster with Burning Rubble and No Survivors

AKA: Chapter One - July 18

In three days, everything will change.

But right now, Travis Longfield is swatting his free hand at my shoulder as punishment for having my feet up on the space above the glovebox in the Gator – his Wrangler nicknamed aptly for its military-appropriate paint job. I have to laugh a little at his feeble attempt to keep straight on the road and hit me at the same time, more to mock him than anything else. But I finally give in and give up my recline before he takes his chance at the next stop sign to go for the ankles.

“You care about this thing too much, dude,” I tease, “I’m not allowed to sit comfortably – Jesus, I can’t even eat in here!”

“Do you want her to end up like Cole’s car?” The Gator, of course, has always been a her. “He wrecked that Cherokee. It can’t be saved. They should write it off for internal damage.”

“Yeah, okay. Sorry I upset your girlfriend here. I won’t dirty her up.”

“I’m not really worried about that,” he says with a smirk. “You’re not even the one dirtying up your own girlfriend.”

His comment makes my mood immediately plummet, and, as we pull into the Mechis’ driveway behind a sleek, black Lexus, my mood suddenly becomes a satellite that drops from the stratosphere, falling down, down, down toward the earth at thousands of miles per hour and on fire. Travis parks the Gator and we both climb out. He takes a moment to pull his guitar case from the back seat before we go about picking our way around the aforementioned Lexus and Cole’s hopelessly-stained, wrapper-littered Grand Cherokee to reach the side door to the garage.

We enter, and we’re the last two to arrive. Cole is sprawled out on the duct-taped loveseat by the wall that’s way too tiny to fit all of him. He looks over and his shaggy and badly-highlighted hair flips naturally as his head turns. Still, our appearance isn’t enough to steal his attention away from loudly strumming a progression of power chords on his guitar in order to mess with Matt. Matt is attempting to tune his bass on the other side of the room in spite of the noise, but probably isn’t having an easy time without anything that resembles quiet. Bryson is on the beat-up couch opposite of Cole, scribbling in a binder that’s full of schedules, sets, general to-do lists, and other notes that he says are necessary and need to be kept – though the entire thing is so crammed with papers that it will explode one day.

My satellite mood fails to brace for impact and crashes against the ground, colliding in a hellish, freak disaster with burning rubble and no survivors when I see the Lexus’ owner practicing the screeches that she calls “vocal warmups” by her mic stand, front and center. Saying she’s my mortal enemy undoubtedly makes me sound like some sort of comic book supervillain, but I’ve never come up with anything more accurate and less theatrical and childish to describe what we have. Our rivalry would probably take an entire war map with battalions and flags to comprehend.

I met Selena Walton when we were in seventh grade – briefly – but truly got to know and dislike her the following year when our feud officially ignited. It was just shortly after that, during the same year, that the rest of us really jumped on the idea of forming the band and, by the end of eighth grade, we’d seen it through.

There was just one problem. I play the drums. Travis is lead guitar, and Cole is on second. Matt plays bass. Bryson covers keyboard when we need it for certain songs, but otherwise acts as our manager. We were good on our own, just the five of us, but when things started getting more and more serious, we had a debate about lyrics.

Cole is an incredible singer – when he’s singing unclean vocals (the screamo parts). When it comes to singing regularly, he may as well just strangle a bird on stage; the sound it would make is more or less the same. Our preferred genre of punk and its “close-enough” offshoots (we’ve found that a healthy mixture brings in a bigger audience) are starting to blur the lines a little, but we all agreed that we wouldn’t be a full-fledged screamo band. We resolved to use his talent conservatively. The rest of the guys couldn’t carry a tune to save their lives.

I can sing, but drummers stay at the back of the stage, and squishing the two roles together makes the show lose a certain kind of energy. The audience generally likes to see the singer while they’re singing. I can sing backup, but there needs to be someone up front. A hype man.

Enter Selena Walton. Unwelcomely welcomed to the band after our first five months of minimal lyrics with a three-to-two vote.

And whom I hate more than anyone else in the universe.

And maybe it would be slightly better if she didn’t front our band. I have nothing against female punk singers, or really just female singers in general. Many of them are good, even pretty great. Selena, however, is an exception. She hates the vast majority of the music that we perform. And, though what she does is technically considered singing, she is an alto who thinks she’s a soprano, which is the worst kind of alto and does not make for a spectacular – or even subpar – show. Her signature style is going up a few too many notes at the end of nearly every line, regardless of whether or not she can hit them, and it is such a pain to listen to that I’m surprised my head hasn’t shattered like glass, or exploded like Bryson’s band binder is going to do. This is all in addition to her entitled, annoying, spoiled brat attitude which is all wrapped up into one short, oblivious, bitchy, brunette package.

I wish that was the end of it, but, devastatingly, having Selena as our lead singer isn’t even the terrible part. I can deal with that. But about a year ago, band practice went from being the few hours a week that I had to tolerate the fact she exists to my own, personal hell.

Bryson’s managerial skills are sharp, but PR-wise he tends to run things like a scripted reality TV show in order to make us stand out from other local acts so people can invest in our “personal” lives. I don’t know what celebrity dating scandal gave him the idea, but a fake inter-band relationship was proposed and, by some weird misfortune, not immediately vetoed. After a ton of arguing, I literally drew the short straw.

Selena Walton is my fake girlfriend.

And I hate her.

At the very least, after a year of playing pretend (and having her hang off of me during shows after spitting in my face behind the scenes), I haven’t actually been forced to kiss her or anything yet. I think I’d have to tear off my lips and cauterize the wounds if that happened.

Bryson still sticks to his delusional claim that having us fake date is a good thing for the band, even though it causes more drama when we’re alone together than it ever does when we’re out in the public eye. I’m not sure how much longer we’ll be able to keep it up because Selena only acts like she’s staying faithful to me when, in reality, she’s probably slept with every guy who’s ever looked at her for more than five seconds. Pretending that I tolerate her is a tough challenge, but I deserve an Oscar for acting like I love her.

And so, when Travis and I walk in, she pretends to ignore me, but I watch her in my peripheral when she thinks I’m not paying attention. She gives me a look; it’s a spiteful, almost disgusted scowl. For what it’s worth, I’m glad she can just barely endure my mere presence. It’s the one thing about this entire situation that makes me feel all happy and light inside.

Travis sets his case down to take out his guitar, and I go sit on the arm of the couch next to Bryson. Since we cleared out his garage to act as our rehearsal space, my setup has lived here permanently and I’m the only one who ever touches my drums. They only move for gigs, and I don’t have much to prepare before practice.

Cole gives me a subtle nod, but doesn’t stop strumming one of our originals. “S’up, Scott,” he greets me. He uses my last name instead of my first. Bryson, Matt, and Cole have all done that as long as I’ve known them – apparently, the single syllable of my surname is easier than having to waste energy saying the two in Morgan.

I glance over Bryson’s shoulder after nodding back. The paper he’s mentally wrestling with has July twentieth – Friday’s date – and the time of our show at the top. The rest is the final setlist he’s been compiling that has only just been finished. It takes us a long time to decide which songs we’ll be playing, and in what order. (I blame Selena.) The one thing that Bryson has left blank is the space after encore:.

We always do an encore. And it’s always a Paramore song because they’re the only non-objectionable option Selena likes. Paramore is an amazing group, and I do like their music, but if she doesn’t learn to like literally anyone else, I’ll start to lose my goddamn mind.

Bryson taps his pen against the paper for another minute, and then grabs the list and, leaving the space empty, shuts the binder. Our logo is on the front of it, slipped into the plastic cover. It’s just a black circle with our band name, Full Stop., inside of it in an all-caps, blocky, white font. We let Cole design it – we’d said we wanted something simple, and, though it looks like something that was created in Microsoft Paint (and it probably was), he’d delivered. Selena thinks it’s too plain, which is why I think it’s the most wonderful graphic in the world. I wear one of our T-shirts as much as possible and I’m met with her judgy glare each time.

I watch Bryson set the binder aside and look over the setlist another time before rising. “I guess we can start,” he announces. Cole’s instrument abruptly stops. The garage, however, is not entirely silent. Matt and Travis use the absence of guitar riffs to actually tune their instruments. At the very least, Selena shuts up.

I proceed over to my kit, and purposefully bump Selena’s shoulder with my arm as I pass. She’s about five-foot-four – about a head shorter than me – and it irritates her when I “accidentally” run into her. It makes my whole day. I sit on the stool and the others slowly start to claim their positions. Cole drags his amp over from the loveseat, and Travis pulls the elastic from his hair so it falls just to his shoulders. He claims having it loose helps him rock harder. I fail to see the correlation, but he’s a damn good guitarist, so I try not to question his methods.

As Matt takes his place, and Selena taps her microphone to make sure no one (me) has muted it behind her back again, I put my earplugs in and grab my sticks. They feel like an extension of my body when I hold them – like having just a little bit more to my arms. My nerves begin to hum with anticipation. I saw the first song and I’m pumped to play it.

Bryson gets started and reads the set from the paper like always: song title, and then the artist for Selena’s music-illiterate benefit. He only skips the artist if it’s one of our originals – at least she knows the titles of those. And she seems to tolerate singing them. Sometimes.

“Okay, open with This Could Be Anywhere in the World – Alexisonfire. Selena will take a sec to introduce everything, then Silver Bullet – Hawthorne Heights, right into Bring Me To The Light. Selena can improvise something after that. Green Day’s Holiday smoothly into Boulevard of Broken Dreams, then You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid – The Offspring, and this is the working title for the story of two crazy kids.”

“We never really found a title for that, did we?” Travis says teasingly. He throws a small smirk my way.

“No,” I agree in a similar manner, “We really didn’t.”

If he’s going to make fun of me, I’m taking it in stride. I wrote that particular number, and a fair chunk of our other originals. I think that sometimes my titles are pretty good, even when they’re just chorus lyrics. But sometimes – well, they’re that.

“Selena improvises something, and then we go to the Red Block,” Bryson continues without missing another heartbeat. I’m pretty sure I hear his voice raise a little to grab our focus again. ��Red Flag – Billy Talent, Red Sam – Flyleaf, and Something Different – Red As Dusk. Selena says stuff. Changing – Saosin. Pressure – Paramore. Selena talks. Be Like The Zeros. Kiss Me, Kill Me – Mest, and Selena introduces the final song. Strong finish with Postcards – Amber Pacific. Got it?”

Four of us nod, or make our brief sounds of agreement. Selena ruins the unanimous confirmation.

“And my encore?”

“If I keep thinking about that, I’ll have a fucking aneurysm,” Bryson says with a straight face. He passes her the setlist. He knows if we start having that discussion now, this won’t be a rehearsal, it’ll be a homicide. “Just run through what we’ve got. We can look at that when I know this set is okay.”

She mutters, “Well, for once I’d like to know what we’re doing before the night of the gig.”

“Yeah, then maybe we could do something other than Misery Business, or Still Into You, or Rose-Colored Boy, or – no, wait. That’s about it, huh?”

She doesn’t turn, but she does stick her middle finger up at me. I hear Travis try to softly suppress amused laughter; a small, entertained huff escapes him. She hates me. It’s so great.

“Please just practice the damn set.” Bryson’s voice has shifted to something like exhausted pleading. He’s not in the mood to break up a fight today. I mean, he’s going to have to anyway – there’s not a single doubt in my mind there – but he doesn’t want to. He always gets this way so close to a show. The stick doesn’t come out of his ass until the stage lights go off.

To ease his stress a little, we do as he says.

This Could Be Anywhere in the World is one of Cole’s favourites to perform because nearly half of it is unclean vocals. This means that it’s one of my favourites to perform because Selena’s unstable wailing only has to pierce my auricular space half as much.

And it’s a ton of fun to play on drums.

Once she’s butchered her way through Silver Bullet and one of our originals, I’m introduced as the representative from California by one of Travis’ very few spoken contributions during Holiday. Even though its absolutely necessary, Selena hates the fact that I’m the best she’s got for clean backup vocals that won’t make our audience’s ears bleed. She especially despises this brief part Matt and I share – my voice and drumming and his iconic bass line – simply because it takes the attention off of her for nearly a full bridge. I sing the rebellious lyrics with a smirk shot her way. She flips me off.

Selena hates singing You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid, and sings this is the working title for the story of two crazy kids terribly in an attempt to annoy me. She makes it painfully obvious that she’s suffering through the Red Block, and gets a smidge better during Changing because a Paramore song follows. She always complains that I use too much cymbal during Pressure. I wonder if she’s actually listened to the song, or if she’s just deaf.

I watch her reach for the list again as it comes to a close and beat her to it.

“I Love How You Say We Can Be Anything But Treat Us Like Shit.”

“That’s not what it’s called!” she snaps.

“Sorry. Be Like The Zeros, parentheses: I Love How You Say We Can Be Anything But Treat Us Like Shit.”

She turns a bit just so I have the luxury of seeing her roll her eyes.

“What? Do I need to say it backwards too?”

I can visibly see the rage manifest inside of her head and, with another smirk that I can’t help at this point, and that I can’t say is innocent, I launch into a hidden talent that frustrates her to no end. I don’t know exactly how I came across it, I just know that I’m able to do it and she’s not. Travis can do it as well, and he watches me with amusement as I drive Selena up the wall. I picture the smoke coming out of her ears as she glares at me.

“Tihs ekil su taert tub gnihtyna eb nac ew yas uoy woh evol I,” I recite. “Bryson knows the title – he wrote it!”

“Just start the damn song, Scott,” Bryson sighs rather than taking a side, even though I’m right.

I don’t give Selena the chance to have the final word. The crash cymbal screams beneath my stick in the intro. Thankfully, Bryson purposefully wrote this song in the right key for her alto voice, so I don’t have to hear her try and fail to sing outside of her vocal range.

“My mind is clouded like a smokehouse / I think I need a light to find what I was gonna say / My body’s numb and feeling funny / Lost here in a strange place / Just another average day.”

I’m sure Bryson is relieved when we finally make it to the end of Postcards without another interruption. The first hour of practice ends with our finalized setlist played in full and no unstoppable brawls.

“Can we talk about my encore now, Bryson?” Selena demands at the final note, ever the princess.

Bryson starts to look as if he would rather eat his own hand than discuss the encore and incite her wrath, but also that he knows if we don’t talk about it beforehand, we’ll have to pick ten minutes before the show and we’ll end up doing Let The Flames Begin again.

“Okay, fine,” he relents. “Band meeting.”

I set down my sticks and pull out my earplugs as the guys put their guitars on the assorted stands. Selena leaves her mic and goes to take a seat. She hates sitting on the furniture because everything in here is a relic too shitty for a thrift store; it’s all either tearing, patched with duct tape, or just too stained or dusty to be used by anyone other than a semi-successful garage band in LA. Selena’s in one, but she doesn’t act like it.

We make it a habit to sit as far away from each other as possible. Matt and Bryson take the loveseat where Selena’s perched herself on the one not-duct-taped arm that’s probably going to need a layer of the stuff in about a month. Travis, Cole, and I take the couch.

“Thoughts?” Bryson asks. I can tell he’s bracing himself.

I am too, but I keep my mouth shut and wait for Selena to get her terrible idea out of the way first.

“We should do Ain’t It Fun,” she pitches. “It’s always a crowd-pleaser.”

“It would be if our regular crowd hadn’t already heard you sing it a hundred thousand times.”

“What’s fucking wrong with that?” Her angled eyebrows raise, and I can already see her pupils filling up with fire. If anyone else had said it, she wouldn’t be as pissed off, and that simple fact alone is why I argue in the first place.

“Should I say it forwards or backwards?” I demand. She scowls. “They’re getting bored! If we lose the audience at Underground, we won’t get gigs, and Full Stop. is just fucked! Back me up here, Bryce.”

Selena whips her head around to glare at Bryson so fast that I expect her to break her neck, and I’m almost disappointed when she doesn’t. Bryson’s biting into his cheek, not wanting to say that I’m right in order to avoid her fury, but not denying it either. The others show their agreement plainly – Matt’s mouth takes on an uncertain slant, eyes bright, and Cole can’t stop himself from nodding subtly. Travis wears a smirk. He always takes my side in this war.

“Oh, fuck you guys!” she spits. Her defeat is a delicate sound. It’s like music to my ears.

“What do you want to do, Scott?” Bryson asks. His voice is calm, a mediator.

“We already have a Paramore song in the set. We can’t do another. We need to try something new this time. An original, or–” I rifle through my mental music library. I know which songs we’ve done, and all of the options we haven’t ever tried because Selena is a brat with bad taste. “Maybe actually try some My Chemical Romance for once? They’re a fucking staple to the punk-pop genre.”

“Ew, no,” Selena interrupts. “Veto.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Where do I start? They’re terrible.”

“First of all, how dare you.”

“Here we go,” Bryson sighs. He goes unheard.

“Second, do you have a better idea?”

“Yeah, like fifty! We should do something by The Chainsmokers.”

“You’re fucking kidding me.”

“What? They’re good!”

“No, they’re overplayed! The crowd will be asleep before we even start. They’re not even punk!”

“You’re such a fucking snob!”

“Wow! Look, everyone! The pot is calling the kettle black!”

“Guys! Holy fuck – calm down!” Bryson’s voice cuts through us both. He’s rubbing his temples to curb the migraine Selena’s clearly bringing upon him. “Can we all remember that music is subjective?”

For a moment, the silence rests. Travis is clearly entertained and firmly stuck on my side. Bryson’s trying to fight off that brain aneurysm he promised himself. Cole and Matt are somewhere between rolling their eyes and coming up with an excuse to leave.

Selena is on the brink of completely detonating. Her jaw is set, posture disturbed and rigid. She doesn’t remove her beady, flaming eyes from me, and looks like she’s trying to murder me with her sheer force of will. In her imagination, she’s probably stabbing me with one of my drumsticks. Her tiny fists are clenched.

“Marianas Trench,” she says through her teeth.

“Are you joking? You’d need a church choir just to sing half their crap,” I say. “Dead Kennedys.”

“Veto. Ed Sheeran.”

“Worse than The Chainsmokers. Jimmy Eat World.”

“What? With their one fucking song? Vance Joy.”

“Who?”

That one really makes her mad, so I grin as I say it. She knows I know who Vance Joy is – if only because she’s mentioned him four million times and butchered one of his stupid indie songs over and over again with her shrieking.

“Good Charlotte,” I suggest.

She rolls her eyes. “Twenty One Pilots.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Really?” For a brief moment, I watch her little, round face light up.

“Yeah, as soon as you can rap, feel free to buy us all synths and ukuleles. I’m sure your Daddy can afford it.”

She’s so angry that I can nearly see her brain boiling. There are a few Twenty One Pilots songs I would willingly relent to adding to a Full Stop. setlist, but at the moment I know she’s too pissed off to even name one. I almost want to laugh.

“Taylor. Swift,” she hisses, enunciating every single syllable with a seething staccato. She knows I would never agree to it and that’s the only reason why she suggests it. Everything she ever does or says is designed to make me mad. In this way, we’re one and the same.

So, I mimic her tone. “Fuck. No.” And I’m just about to throw out The Gits – not that Selena could ever dream to live up to Mia Zapata’s legacy – when–

“Wait!”

The single word from Cole breaks our staring contest. I still feel my blood thundering from the rush of adrenaline that comes with pushing Selena to her breaking point, but I turn my attention on him. Cole’s straightened up from his lax slouch and, even though he’s sitting, he’s still a human tower – it’s no wonder the football coach spent nearly two years trying to recruit him. His eyes are stretched wide with an idea.

“What?” Travis asks.

He takes the question, but turns to me. His massive hand is slapped against his forehead, an indication of an epiphany. “Punk Goes Pop.”

“Excuse me?” Selena demands. Her teeth are clenched, and her brows are high.

Cole doesn’t need to explain it to me – I’ve caught onto his idea the second my mental music library dredges up the collection. He elaborates for everyone else.

“Yeah, okay, so Fearless Records has this series where they have punk bands cover pop songs, and, like, they’ve done some Taylor Swift stuff. Uh, You Belong With Me, Trouble – oh!” – he claps abruptly as the next idea enters his head and, again, his eyes turn on me, full of excitement and what appears to be an ego boost due to his own perceived genius. He’s gesticulating with the approximate energy of a German Shepherd – “Blank Space from the volume six rerelease! Dude, I Prevail goes so fucking hard on it! I had it on repeat for a month, and I can do Eric Vanlerberghe’s parts no problem!” He’s practically already playing air guitar.

“There. See? It’s a compromise,” Matt agrees.

And maybe it seems too good to be true…

Because it is.

“Yeah, too bad we can’t do it,” I object. Bryson sighs audibly and mutters under his breath. “If we let her sing the clean vocals, it won’t sound anything like a punk song! She’ll just try to sing it exactly like the original and fuck it up!”

“Fuck you!” Selena fires at me.

“Then you sing it, Morgan.”

I give myself whiplash turning to look at Travis, and the energy of the garage turns palpable – a thick, stunned tension that I could slice through with a razor blade and a ton of effort. Arms crossed over his chest, Travis shrugs, completely relaxed and completely, unbelievably serious.

In an instant, the initial surprise melts away, and I’m more confused by his proposal than I am shocked – or maybe it’s just an intense mixture of both. But the point is that I can’t sing it! I’m a drummer! That’s the only reason she’s even here in the first place!

“What?! No!”

“Yeah! ‘What?! No!’” Selena parrots me. For once, we’re actually in agreement on something.

“Why not? You’ve got a good voice, and I know you know the song.”

“Who’s going to play the drums?!” I reason. “That’s why she’s here!”

“I suggested Taylor Swift! I don’t want him singing it!” Selena protests.

“Exactly! Then she can’t hog the stage and be an attention whore and has to settle for being a regular–”

“Morgan,” Travis interjects (scolds), still calm despite presenting me with an insane idea just a moment ago. Selena flips me off with a look of pure hatred. I generally don’t like to push it that far, but I stand by what I was about to say. Her name is synonymous with it.

“I’ll find someone to drum for you,” Bryson says.

I scoff. “What? Am I that easily replaceable?! You’re all fucking ridiculous!”

“Scott,” Bryson starts in his middleman voice. I look at our manager and lift a brow. He seems to wait until everyone has copied me and all eyes are on him.

And then he supports Travis’ idea.

Using some of the most glorious words I have ever heard in my life.

“If we can just get this over with – pick the cover of Blank Space with you on clean vocals so this discussion will fucking stop – you can dump Selena.”

I have no idea what to say.

So it comes out unfiltered.

“Oh, screw you, Bryson.”

Not meant to be hurtful. Just… I can’t even explain it – just some sort of instinctual, astonished reaction.

I would be free of Selena Walton. And I would get to steal her encore.

But I would have to sing front-and-center. Even though it’s a cover, it’s still a Taylor Swift song. I wouldn’t have to sing all of it – about half the vocals in I Prevail’s version are unclean, so Cole would take them. But it’s still a tough debate.

I can’t really feel my body. I guess the shock is still settling in. Or it has settled in pretty deep and fried my nerves or something. But, while I’m internally wrestling against my own opinions, I dare to steal a look at Selena that ends up lasting longer than just a glance. Her eyes are narrowed, her jaw is tight, and her back is rod straight. She’s still inconsolably pissed at the idea that she could end up without an encore even though she’s had plenty already, but I see something else underneath that.

She wants me to take it. She doesn’t want to have to pretend to be shackled to me any longer. The feeling is mutual.

They’re all staring at me as I weigh the pros and cons a few more times.

In the end, I look Bryson dead in the eyes using what I can only describe as a defeated, cold glare.

“I want it in writing.”

Chapter: 2

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arabellaflynn · 5 years

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First things first, a bit of administrivia: Those of you who have been around for a while may remember that I run an "advent calendar" for the month of December. The winter holidays are two solid months with a heavy emphasis on belonging and family. I have a lot of things to say about those concepts, most of which are not what anyone wants to hear while they're wrapping presents and roasting turkeys. I queue up a bunch of fun things instead and hole up to drink until January. This year I'm doing things a little differently. While the advent calendar will be running on the public blog -- this year it's folk tales from around the world -- the regular blog entries will be running on my Patreon for anyone who cares to pledge $1 or more. Because I'm sometimes rubbish at posting on a regular schedule, my Patreon runs on a monthly model, rather than per-piece, so if you pledge $1, you'll never be charged more than that. You are, of course, welcome to give me as much money as you want. I appreciate that. Or stuff. I've been eyeing an adjustable dress form that I cannot even remotely afford, so that I can stop draping patterns on myself in the mirror. This is particularly important because the shiny new job I got turns out to not be very shiny after all. The actual job is pretty cool; it's with one of those outfits that runs murder mystery parties, among other things. Events are pretty much an evening of herding cats, possibly drunk cats, around and work out to about $15 an hour, which is fine for a part-time gig. There are, however, a number of problems with this. One is that rehearsals are unpaid. That's normal, to the point where producers will write !!!!PAID REHEARSALS!!!! in the ad if it's the case, and there's only one before an assigned show, but they're up in Malden. Ordinarily I could get up there and back in the Boston Standard Commuting Hour, but right now the MBTA is taking the Orange Line to bits, which means it takes me up to two. In both directions. Three-plus hours of commute for a single 90 minute meeting is right around where I start squawking, regardless of whether the T is your fault. I am responsible for my own costuming. Again, not normally an issue; there is an awful lot of random crap in my closet. The issue is that these guys do not assign consistent roles. They have ten different shows, each with 4-10 parts (of varying genders) I might potentially be assigned to play at any given time. I'd have to go and buy one or more pieces, without reimbursement, on 1-3 weeks' notice, for at least 50% of these. There is no way to request a specific role when marking oneself available for a show, if you even know what show it is when you sign up. Which you don't always, depending on how indecisive the client was when booking. The most egregious problem, however, is the literal lengths they expect me to go to work those $15/hr shows. They asked me if I was available for travel when I was hired. I thought 'oh that's fine, I can go to Rhode Island sometimes'. No. They do bookings all over New England, and they do not pay for rail tickets. They expected me to carpool with my fellow actors to Connecticut, for base pay. If you bumped that an order of magnitude, and we are good enough friends that the road trip would be fun by itself, I'd consider going to CT for a show. I don't even know most of these people, so if they really wanted me there, they'd have to go up two orders and shell out for Amtrak. [I later got an email asking if anyone would be willing to help out a sister troupe by driving down to Baltimore "tonight or tomorrow morning". That is a solid eight hours from where I am. I laughed as I deleted this message. Also the one asking who wanted to do an overnight in Maine.] It struck me as mildly sketchy when they insisted I sign up for the Facebook group, on the basis that most of the communication took place there. It's not unheard of, especially if the company skews young, but that's the first time I've run into it from an outfit that actually has a professionally-assembled corporate portal site, complete with news and scheduling software. My suspicions have been proven entirely correct. While there is the occasional 'we booked more shows! go check the company page!' message, 90% of the traffic on the group consists of people posting selfies in costume, cheering about having done yet another show, a.k.a., their normal goddamn job. I have made it very clear that I am not interested in drinking the Kool-Aid, and they are consequently not calling me back even for the local shows. So the job search continues. I had good luck asking my readers for work-at-home positions last time; I landed at Nokia Maps as a geographical researcher and stayed there until they were sold to someone else. Anyone got any leads? In more pleasant news, I am apparently getting more rats. A friend of mine has two out of three squishy boys who get along with people and each other, but not really other rats. He's going to play musical cages with some new ratlings to get a mischief that doesn't chew on each other (much), and the grumpy pair will come to me for cuddles and spoiling. So I will (theoretically, I hope, if nothing goes wrong) have a proper Ratmas this year, if not Ratsgiving. Critter accessories list on Amazon here. Yay. from Blogger https://ift.tt/33QvbUo via IFTTT -------------------- Enjoy my writing? Consider becoming a Patron, subscribing via Kindle, or just toss a little something in my tip jar. Thanks!

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southboundhq · 4 years

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MEET LILITH,

FULL NAME › Jacqueline “Lilith Adkins” Miller AGE › twenty seven GENDER › Cis woman (She/Her/Hers) FROM › New York City, New York LODGING › Silk Bonnet Hotel PRIOR EMPLOYMENT › Actress NOW PLAYING › Come Wander With Me by Bonnie Beecher

BIOGRAPHY,

trigger warnings: parental abandonment, emotional abuse/exploitation, substance abuse, brief mention of non-fatal overdose

“The only thing you’ve ever been good for,” Jacqueline’s mother used to say, “is zipping up my dress.” And, to Jacqueline, that seemed ever so true. A constant scapegoat for all of the worst parts of her mother’s life, it was gospel: “You’re the reason your father left.” “You’re the reason I can’t fit in my good dress anymore.” “You’re the reason we’re barely scraping by.” “You’re the reason for x, for y, and for z.” As the only constant in Jacqueline’s life, her mother certainly spoke nothing but the truth! Yes, yes – all Jacqueline would ever be good for were her genetics. Yes, yes – one day, she would be paying her bills using the money she received from pornography. Yes, yes – it was true! It had to be true!

Or, perhaps, there was another possibility for Jacqueline – a possibility her mother had not considered until the casting of an elementary/middle-school play. As with all elementary/middle-school plays of the day, it was no cut – it was, therefore, something to be brushed off when Jacqueline received the lead role… up until her mother witnessed the standing ovation she received, witnessed the secret talent she upheld. Ever the secret idealist, her mother took it as a sign.

She sent for various agencies, various managers, various anybodies-who-could-get-the-child-famous. It was originally a recording, originally a voice her mother exploited, but when the child’s new ego was born… oh, she could capitalize off of anything.

When an agency finally agreed to take her, there was one deal that needed to be struck: she was no longer ‘Jacqueline Miller.’ Nobody ever knew who Jacqueline Miller was. Nobody associated the name ‘Jacqueline’ with anything deeper than itself. Nobody thought ‘Jacqueline’ was the name of a big star. Nobody thought anything of ‘Jacqueline.’ Sure, there were Jackies to be associated with, but there was a different, much more unique name in mind: Lilith Adkins. It was for the shock value, you see – the shock value of a twelve-year-old becoming one of the most sinful characters of them all. As for the last name? Why, there simply had to be disconnect between herself and herself!

From there on out, it was a whirl-wind. Jacqueline – forgive me, Lilith – had not signed up for the life she was now being put through. She had not signed up for the surrounding of old men in suits at all hours of the day (some much stranger than others); she hadn’t longed to take amphetamines in the morning and barbiturates at night; she had never wanted to sit in a chair for four hours while strangers touched her face, then spend the next ten filming something that would be worth nothing… to her. To her mother, to the studio, to the agency – oh, it would be worth millions, quite possibly! – but, to her… nothing.

- She was always smiling, though. She was always getting good press throughout the discomfort of it all! -

However, with age brought tolerance, and tolerance brought taste. Sixteen and she had developed a taste for this lifestyle – a taste for some of these old men, for all of these strangers, for filming all day and all night. Perhaps it was because there were times she was not filming at all – she had hit New York City, she had hit Broadway. Cast alongside veterans, she received the blessing of playing a secondary role. While the pressure was still there, still looming, she was no longer the top-billed actress. It was a different lifestyle, that she was sure of, but nothing would ever become more different, yet stay so very similar, than it did when she earned the ability to drop her mother from any and all projects two years later.

It was now Arthur Sher, her agent, who was largely in charge of what she did and didn’t do. The flipside of it all was that she actually had input. She had a name now, a name all her own, a name not attached to her mother’s, a name not unknown, and that name would only be seen when and where she wanted it to be seen. She and Arthur ventured back to Los Angeles and time began slipping away. Why it slipped away, she could not say. He fed her so many scripts, so many she wanted her name on, that it became harder and harder to keep track of what day it was, where she was meant to be, what the time was, who she was supposed to be at that moment in time. Why, she got married and hardly remembered it.

For as stressed as she had become, juggling so many projects (albeit, by her own volition), the papers only ever said kind things about her. She was an actress, after all – she had acted in plenty of scenes that required feigned happiness. She was praised in the papers for doing so much and keeping it all together. She was praised for her marriage – apparently it had been expected for a long time, although she had never even thought of this man – this ‘George’ – as a boyfriend. She was praised for her patience with the paparazzi. She was praised for her generosity when she was seen giving a man on the side of the street a bottle of (half-drunk, mind you) water. Oh, she was praised!

So it can easily be said that it had started out perfectly innocent. She would take one pill, as needed, as per her psychiatrist’s instructions. But she began ‘needing’ them more and more, you see. Oh, but just taking a handful of pills was far too simple, wasn’t it? Of course, they always paired best with alcohol. Oh, and the nights her mother rang? Well, she just needed extra then! Oh, and the days she’d have to spend filming something for over ten hours? One, two, three, four, more! To say it had truly shocked Arthur that she had still managed to make it on set every day – on time and fully able to cooperate – was an understatement.

Of course, it was a shock for a reason! At home, things had not been quite as nice. She and George, this man she would now claim she loved (although she was not sure what that was at this point), had gotten into more than their fair share of wars with one another. She would accuse him of infidelity, he would point out the liquor and pills, she would say the latter was prescribed, he would say that maybe someone else was just what the doctor would prescribe for him. It all seemed very over-the-top and dramatic, all very hyperbolic and unrealistic, to Lilith… up until she came home late one night, hoping to make some form of amends, just to find George and another woman on their couch.

He was forced out that night. The couch was cleansed using alcohol and a lighter. She took some extra pills that night, then some more the next morning – I mean, why not? Then she began messing up the shoots. Then she took some more. Then she blamed the best boy, of all people, on why she was doing so horribly (he was distracting her!, so she’d claim). Then she would be let go from her projects, replaced with someone younger as a cycle began to repeat itself. Then the press would turn against her. Then she would overdose. Then she would be forced into rehab by Arthur. Then she would fight it. Then she would get sober. Then she would return to New York City.

There was a show on – a musical – that they figured she was best for. It was all but tailored for her – the songs in her range, the designs perfect for her. ‘Oh, Honey!’ was her grand reintroduction before she had even said yes… but publicity that required forgiveness and sympathy – there was nothing better. Now that opening night… it was impressive! It was almost as though Lilith wanted everyone to hate her, to leave her. Months of perfect rehearsal, months of friendly mingling with her co-stars and understudy, months of learning tragedies she’d missed and still powering through, months of avoiding pills and alcohol, months of perfect preparation and perfect sobriety… all to collapse the night the curtain was meant to go up.

You see, some weeks before, she had found a new psychiatrist, had gotten a ‘different’ medication! …but had made the ever-so-wise decision to abuse it that night. It was to calm her nerves!, she would lie – lie to herself. The second they knocked on the door to her dressing room, telling her the curtain was about to go up – the second she opened it to reveal she hadn’t changed outfits since she’d gotten there – that was the second they gave up on her. George had left her. Arthur left her. Her co-stars left her. She had left her mother. Every bridge she had built, she burned. All she had left was the world, and even they began praising her understudy, beginning to forget it was her name in big letters above the title.

She gave up that night. She gave up the first night. She didn’t have anyone or anything left. She had no reason to be there. She had no reason to be anywhere. So she drove. She took pills and drank liquor and drove, just like the clown she’d always been under that false identity of hers. She drove, high out of her mind, and did not die – was not pulled over… some sort of miracle, yes? She drove, high out of her mind, until she simply couldn’t anymore. She drove, high out of her mind, until she reached some small western town called Boot Hill. She had nowhere else to be. Maybe there, nobody would know her. Maybe there, she wouldn’t have to see what papers said about her (oh, she hoped they were asking ‘Where Is Lilith Adkins?’ as opposed to praising the musical tailored to her that she was not in).

Three months. She has not cared to leave. She has not cared to try. She has not cared to reach out to the outside world. Only when she got fame-sick would she try to see if she could leave and find out just how trapped she was. She had not yet gotten fame-sick. She had to know they were looking for her to become fame-sick.

And they were looking for her. They had to be. They loved her, did they not?

❝ everyone has an identity. one of their own, and one for show. ❞

CENSUS,

FACECLAIM › Elizabeth Gillies AUTHOR › Lucky

#elizabeth gillies #rp #rpg #oc rp #bio rp #town rp #emotional abuse tw #substance abuse tw #parental abandonment tw #overdose mention tw

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frozenmikan · 6 years

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My Girl “VOICE ACTRESS EDITION” vol.23 - Interview with Suwa Nanaka

“Everyone in Aqours is my rival.”

Suwa-san, are you the type to care a lot about winning or losing?

Hmm... I hate losing, but I don't really think about that on a daily basis.

Then, are there any memorable events that happened because of your desire not to lose?

That'd be my club activities in high school, I guess? We were putting on an English play, and we wanted to win so badly that we practiced almost every day. Like, six or seven times per week.

In particular, what was the most challenging part of that?

Being together with the same people every day would inevitably lead to conflicts, and it was difficult keeping my focus throughout the entire period. Also, in our club, we didn't just put on the play, we also made the props by ourselves. During summer vacations and the like, I literally left the house before sunrise and only got home after the sunset.

What about your work? For example, does your desire not to lose show itself during auditions and the like?

I think it does. I view each audition as a competition, and I frequently pick out clothes that fit the character's feel for them. I even go so far as to buy new clothes when I don't have any suitable ones.

I see. Do you think it's because your emotions change with the way you dress?

I'm already usually the type to wear all kinds of clothes, so I guess... I wouldn't say that it's a huge change from who I usually am (laughs). It does make me slightly more motivated, though.

Doing that might appeal to the people conducting the audition as well.

Yup, you're right.

Tell us a little about wins and losses in your private life recently. Were there any moments where you thought "I beat this!" or "I lost to this"?

Oh, the one thing that comes to mind is gluttony, I guess. I always end up snacking late at night, so you could say that I'm fighting a losing battle against it (laughs).

What kinds of snacks do you like?

Potato chips, ice cream... Watching a movie or anime while munching on an entire packet of chips is just so blissful.

I can relate to that. What about sloth or greed?

I guess I do have a strong desire to sleep; I constantly hope for a full eight hours of rest. That's why on days where I don't get enough sleep, I can't wake up without Red Bull (laughs). I just really like sleeping. I even slept for sixteen hours straight once.

You're really faithful to that desire, huh.

Yup. If I have no plans on an off day, I can continue sleeping forever. Also, about the greed that you mentioned earlier, I do end up buying a lot of new clothes every month. I would even say that clothes make up the largest part of my monthly expenditure. Being in this industry often requires you to supply your own clothes, right? Since that's the case, I think to myself "It's fine, since it's for work" when I overspend; that's how I justify it to myself (laughs).

I see (laughs). Do you ever reflect on your actions, though?

I'm the type to spoil myself, but I do think I watch too much TV. On an off day, I'm the type to keep the TV on from when I wake up to when I go to bed. Though I only actually pay attention to what's on when it's a show I really like (laughs). I end up watching it while gaming quite often.

From the theme of "competition", let's move on to something related, "rivals". Who do you regard as your rivals?

Everyone in Aqours.

Oh, is that so. When do you feel the desire to not lose to them?

I always think that they're really amazing during rehearsals and such. I try to emulate them when those thoughts cross my mind.

If you were to talk about anyone in particular?

Kobayashi Aika-san is really good at both singing and dancing. I'm pretty sure everyone else in Aqours thinks the same way too. That's why I sneak glances at her during rehearsals and try to copy the parts I found good.

Being in the same group as someone like that must be something to be proud of. Though it does motivate you to not lose to them, right?

Yup, it makes me work even harder.

Are there any things that you pay particular attention to during rehearsals?

I... I manage to remember the steps during the rehearsal itself, but I forget them almost instantly (laughs). That's why I'm now working on trying to keep those steps in my mind so that I can recall it at any time.

What do you do in particular to achieve that?

I rewatch the dance step footage at home. I'll totally forget if I don't do that (laughs). It was fine in the beginning since we didn't have that many songs, but my brain is definitely over capacity now. So I'm trying my best (laughs).

Having so many songs is tough, huh. Going back to an earlier topic, you mentioned that you think of everyone in Aqours as your rival?

Yup, that's right.

If you had to draw a pie chart of what you felt towards them, would it be 100% rivalry?

Hmm... I guess it'd be 50% rivalry and 50% friendship. Of course they're my previous friends, and I frequently get motivated by seeing the others succeed. I get stimulated by their activities outside Aqours; I'm actually the type to get easily affected by things like that.

I see. Are you the type to reveal these feelings? Like "I should have done better!"

Nah, I don't show it. I'm the type to pout about it at home (laughs). Maybe I just find it a little embarrassing to be doing that in front of others.

“One thing I'll definitely bring overseas is a bottle of green tea.”

When was the first time you traveled overseas?

During the later years of elementary school, I went to Hawaii with my family.

Oh, that's nice! Was the trip fun?

Actually, at that time, I wasn't really into it (laughs). I went along with my parents because they wanted to go, but I was so overwhelmed by being in a foreign country that I stayed in the hotel most of the time (laughs).

Was that your rebellious phase?

Something like that. I'll go if I'm forced to go, something like that (laughs).

What overwhelmed you?

I didn't do too well with the ocean at that time. So I wasn't particularly excited about it.

Going to Hawaii or someplace warm as someone who doesn't do well with the ocean is a little... huh (laughs). Then, is there anything that you remember about Hawaii?

There were so many Haagen Dazs stores. That really left a strong impression on me. I don't think you can see that here in Japan now. Apparently you could some time ago though.

Ice cream shops would pique the attention of any young child, huh. Are there any instances where you were affected or stimulated by being in a foreign country?

I studied foreign languages in high school, so I was constantly around exchange students. Also, my family hosted a student for a homestay once, and that was really fun. We would go to school together in the morning and spend time together after coming back home... Things like that. She's from the United States and is the same age as me, and apparently, there aren't things like karaoke over there. So I brought her to karaoke, and we also went to eat sushi together.

That sounds really fun! Is there anything you learned from her?

I guess it'd be vocabulary. She studied Japanese as well, so we spoke to each other both in English and in Japanese. Being able to communicate using a common language really makes things more enjoyable.

Were you lonely when the homestay ended?

It was only for a short period of time, but I was really lonely since we were always together. We gave each other presents from our respective countries.

What kinds of presents?

She gave me some snacks and cosmetic products you could only find in the United States. Their cosmetic products are so much shinier than the ones you can find here (laughs). As for me... I'm pretty sure I gave her something Japan-like, but I can't really remember.

So you don't remember (laughs).

But I'm pretty sure she enjoyed them!

You had a really valuable experience with international friendships in high school, huh. Let's move on to your work life. Were there any memorable instances?

That'd be when we visited Los Angeles last year for a live, I guess. The audience was super into it. It was about as hyped up as it could get. I felt like that was something you could only see with overseas fans (laughs).

They really have a dynamic range of expressions, huh.

Yup, they cheered so loudly when we just appeared on stage. Of course, they could remember the Japanese call and responses, which made us, the performers, hyped up as well.

When you're overseas for work, I guess you'd speak English most of the time, since you're good at English. right?

Yup, I speak English a lot. Being able to get my point through is really fun.

Are you still studying English now?

I took the Grade Pre-1 Eiken test (TL Note: Second-most advanced level of a ubiquitous English certification exam in Japan) when I was in high school, but I didn't pass since I didn't really study for it (laughs). If possible I'd like to go all the way to Grade 1 (TL Note: Most advanced level of abovementioned exam) someday...

But you don't really have the time to do that.

It's really difficult. You degrade really quickly if you don't keep up with studying too.

Forgetting a language just because you stopped using it is really a waste, huh. But, when going to English-speaking countries, wouldn't you say that it motivates you to do more about your English?

I guess it does. I went to Guam some time ago with my friends, and we actually visited the more rural areas, where there were barely any Japanese people. In the tourist spots, the shop employees spoke fluent Japanese, but there they really only knew English.

Then what happened?

I realized that it's better when only English works! (laughs) When you're in the city where there are lots of Japanese people, I'd get spoken to in Japanese even though I wanted to speak to them in English. When that happens, I'll go "But I wanted to speak English..."

Although they're just trying to be friendly, it does leave you with this sense of disappointment, huh?

It was one of my few chances to do so too...

But you managed to speak English in the more rural areas of Guam. Were your friends fluent in English too?

Yup, mostly. I helped them a little with the parts they couldn't quite catch. I was glad to be able to help them.

Then, do you have a favorite country? Are there any countries you'd like to migrate to?

I don't think there's any country that I'd actually like to migrate to... The United States is a really nice place, but their toilets don't come with bidets. If that became a thing I'd totally move there (laughs).

Perhaps not going so far as to migrate there, but are there any countries to which you'd like to study abroad in if you had the time?

Oh, I actually wanted to study abroad in an English-speaking country in the past. If I were to go I'd like to go for a year. I have a lot of friends who've studied abroad before, and it seems like they flew from country to country when they were there. Hearing that makes me just a little envious.

I guess everyone has the desire to experience studying abroad for once. Actually, are there any good things about Japan that you only realize after coming back from an overseas trip?

How the people here are really kind! Of course, there are kind people in every country, but aren't there countries where you just feel a little suffocated? Coming back from places like that really calms me down a lot. Also, the words. English is still fine, but I can't read Chinese or Korean at all, so I realize how blessed I am to be able to read Japanese when I come back (laughs).

(Laughs). Just being able to understand the signs at airports or the menus at a restaurant is the best feeling, isn't it?

Yup, that! It just gives you that peace of mind.

What about the food? Is there anything in particular that you need when you travel overseas?

This might just be me, but I feel like South Korea has a lot of sweet drinks. Like their milk tea is so much sweeter than what we have here.

Ah, I guess that's true depending on the store you go to.

That's why I'll definitely bring a bottle of green tea with me when I travel overseas. Oh, instant miso and glass noodles as well. It's really vital for when you just crave it while overseas.

“It feels like I'm one and the same with Kanan.”

Lastly, I'd like to ask about Aqours. As of this interview (late May), what kinds of activities are you engaged in?

We've been doing rehearsals for the upcoming 3rd Live Tour. For our 1st Live, the thought of whether we were actually going to do it occupied most of my thoughts, but that's not the case now. I guess it'd be finding ways to enjoy the live while still being somewhat nervous in my heart.

You've managed to get yourself into that mental state after going through your 1st and 2nd Lives, huh.

Yup. It's just that the preparation time we have decreases with every live (laughs). I sometimes wonder if we're actually going to make it (laughs). My mind is optimistic, but...

It's a worry of whether it's physically possible, huh.

Yup (laughs). But, I'm sure we'll make it somehow.

I suppose you're right. Has the way you regard the other members of Aqours changed after being together for so long?

We were total strangers when we first met, so our interactions were mostly exploratory, but everyone has become like the air around me recently. In a good way, of course. It feels like I can talk to them without thinking about anything now.

You've gotten used to their presence.

Yup. So much so that not meeting them for about a week or so feels like a really long time.

It does remind you of when you were still a kid, huh. Not meeting your classmates for an entire long break feels like forever.

Yup. I didn't expect to have someone like that even after I'd grown up.

This question might be a little specific, but what are your impressions of Saitou-san and Suzuki-san, who's also featured in this issue? Starting with Saitou-san.

We're usually very close so we can talk about anything with each other. This may sound a little weird, but it doesn't feel like she's younger than me... (laughs) While being cute in the way only younger sisters can, she really has it together on the inside. That's why I can talk to her about serious matters as well.

How about Suzuki-san?

I frequently go for meals with Aina after rehearsals. I would say I'm the closest to her among everyone in Aqours. She's also younger than me, but I guess our wavelengths just match. So I feel like we can talk about anything at all, and that's reassuring.

I see. Then, what about the character you voice, Matsuura Kanan?

Oh, it feels like we're one and the same. Kanan is a really sporty person, but I'm not that good at physical activities. I was really conscious of that difference between us at the start, but I guess you could say that we've melded together recently.

Was there anything in particular that led to that change?

Well, I don't think there was anything in particular. I guess it's just that I've spent more time with her...

Have your thoughts regarding the Love Live! Sunshine!! franchise changed over the years?

I started from absolutely nothing, so it really was a lot of "firsts" for me. We've been given the opportunity to do so many things that I can't even imagine being somewhere else that'll allow me to experience the sheer number of "firsts" I have here. So I'd say it has been a very enriching experience.

Do you feel that growth personally?

I don't really think that I've grown all that much, but people have said things like that to me. Like about my singing and such.

Being praised and recognized by the people around you must make you glad, huh.

"Aqours is performing in a never-ending tour"

Let's talk about Aqours' future. The single Thank you, FRIENDS!! is slated for release on August 1, and your 4th Live has been planned for November.

It's right after the end of our 3rd Live Tour in July, so my honest thoughts about it would be "That's way too soon!" (laughs). Aqours really is performing in a never-ending tour.

(Laughs). But you've finally made your way to Tokyo Dome for the first time. It probably isn't the easiest of things to perform there, but do you have a few words for us about that?

It's where we saw μ's Final Live, so I still can't believe that we're going to perform there. I'm really excited at how quick things are developing, but since our 3rd Live hasn't even ended... It's still a mystery (laughs).

Well, I guess that'd be the case (laughs). Actually, what were your impressions of μ's Final Live?

I guess I'd say I really felt the sense of unity. It was a space filled to the brim with everyone's love for μ's.

I'm looking forward to seeing the legend that Aqours will create there. The movie's release date has also been set for January 4 next year, right? There's still more than half a year to go, but do you have a few words for the fans eagerly looking forward to its release?

Many things have happened up till now, and I feel like I've been able to experience many things just like everyone did. That's why I'd be glad if you could continue supporting us in not just the movie, but also in writing more and more stories. Please look forward to it!

“I get stimulated by their activities outside Aqours; I'm actually the type to get easily affected by things like that.“

Aqours’ new single, Thank you, FRIENDS!! releases in August. The Love Live! Sunshine!! Aqours Club Activities - LIVE & FAN MEETING 2018 Subunit Battles Countrywide Tour begins in Sapporo on September 9. Their 4th Live will be held in Tokyo Dome on November 17 and 18. Suwa Nanaka appears in the broadcast "Fuwasata" and "Suwa Nanaka's Suwawa World" on Niconico Douga. Please visit her official Twitter for more details.

TL: xIceArcher QC: Cornsplosion Scans: Hellfire

#love live #love live sunshine #aqours #suwa nanaka #suwawa

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newidaho · 5 years

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22. UNI, Day 1

Don’t have the time/patience/desire to read with your eyes? Don’t have eyes? Well, have your friend read you this: You can check out the audiobook for free on Apple, Google, Stitcher, or Spotify. Subscribe for new episodes every Wednesday!

8 January 2055

It was about to be a weekend to remember, there was no doubt. Snow always loved these sorts of trips, as long as they had a certain level of comfort and adventure. He had attended a couple camps over his high school years, and even though they were all located in New Idaho, living away from home for a couple days always made it feel like he was farther away than he really was. He expected this visit to the University of New Idaho to be quite similar.

Earlier that day, after school had ended, Snow had gotten on a bus with 9 of his other classmates—Ricky 2 Miller, Jake “Pretzel” Mendez, Simon Simmons, Marshall Tomlinson, Carlton Buristo, Cyanica Latiff, Camille Thomas, Natalie Hefcorn, and Lucilia Trebello—and had been transported off to the University.

The first thing they did after coming to the University was stow their bags away in dorm rooms. There was a wing in the new dorms that was not to be inhabited full-time until the following academic year, so they got to populate their own little area of campus. Snow would be rooming with his neighbor, Ricky 2, as per request.

After briefly settling in the dorms, the group of them had headed out from the bottom of their building and across a small courtyard to one of the dining courts, where they had eaten a gigantic buffet-style dinner, the only other diners a handful of college kids that had come back to school early from their winter break (second semester for UNI started up this Monday). Despite the consistency with which each of the visitors had eaten throughout their lives, not one of them was unimpressed by the vast options available at the dining hall. Pretzel Mendez alone had gone back for more than six plates of dinner and two of dessert. Even Natalie Hefcorn had broken with the generally serious and detached demeanor that Snow had always known her for to gawk at the generous amount of food on display.

Now, after eating, the group of Sky High students lolled about in semi-delirious carb-comas in a small meeting room on the bottom floor of their dorm building as they waited for the president of the college to finally come give them the weekend’s orientation.

‘Goddamn, that was a lot of food,’ Ricky 2 said.

‘You’re telling me,’ said Mendez.

‘Shut up, Pretzel, we all know you’re proud of yourself and your fat ol’ gut.’ Ricky 2 slapped Pretzel on his belly. Pretzel faked as though he was about to puke on Ricky 2.

For only ten students, they really hadn’t bonded as much as Snow had hoped they would. Simon sat apart from the rest of the group, apparently working on some sort of paper. Natalie and Marshall had become interested in each other’s company early on when they got on the bus wearing matching camouflage. It turned out they both had interest in joining the ROTC when they got into college, and they already felt the fraternity of soldiers. Lucilia, Camille, and Cyanica banded together as the rest of the girls, and Carlton sat with Pretzel, Snow and Ricky 2, weighing in on their conversation in rare but welcome intervals.

It was five minutes past 1900h when an older woman with straight, light brown hair entered the room. The smile on her face looked rehearsed, though not fake. As she stood at the front of the room with her arms behind her back, the small bit of conversation there was died down.

‘Hello,’ she began. ‘You all must be the Sky High cohort. I can’t communicate how happy I am to see you all. I hope you’re excited to be here.’

Snow glanced at Ricky 2. It appeared he was already checked out, looking at something behind his Lenses. It was never possible to tell for 100% sure, but there was always a pretty obvious spaciness in people’s eyes when they were tuned into their Augmented Reality.

‘For those of you who may not know, I am Aubrey Daskus, the president and founder of the University of New Idaho, and I’m the one who invited you here today,’ the old woman at the front continued. ‘You may call me Aubrey—I will take it for granted that you respect me, and if you do not, well, as you can surmise, I have a very close relationship with the admissions office.’ Daskus smiled at Ricky 2, who didn’t even seem to notice.

‘Now, you have all been selected to come here because, why?’

Camille raised her hand. ‘Because our parents work for Lucid Labs.’

‘That’s right,’ said Daskus. ‘And why do you think I would want to invite the children of Lucid Labs to tour the University.’

Camille spoke up without raising her hand this time. ‘Because you know our parents can afford tuition.’

Aubrey smiled and continued without a beat. ‘What is your name?’

‘Camille.’

‘Well, Camille, you are very smart. That is certainly an important factor to consider when running a college. To pay for all this research, the money has to come from somewhere. But there’s more to it than that. Back when New Idaho was founded—does anybody know when that was?’

‘2026.’

‘That’s right. What was your name?’

‘Simon Simmons.’

‘Yes, that’s right, Simon. I promise, I’ll learn all your names by the end of this little talk.’ She winked. ‘But, yes, that’s right. New Idaho was founded in 2026, and the original two enterprises to be included on this land were Lucid Labs, and this University right here.

‘Because of that, you might not be surprised to learn that Lex Lucid and I were, and are, quite close friends. As I said, I know Lex quite well, and I know that he only chooses to employ the best talent he can find. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m expecting you all to be straight A students. It does mean, however, that you come from a pool of talent. Because of this, I wanted to show you all around the best learning center New Idaho has to offer.

‘Now, how many of you have been north of the Greta Barn Jungle before?’ Marshall’s and Simon’s hands went into the air. ‘Mmm, yes. 20%. About what I expected,’ Aubrey continued. ‘It is uncommon for many families to travel up here. It tends to be the “college town” portion of the city. I’m not surprised this is a first time for many of you. How exciting! And how many of you have been to the Greta Barn Jungle?’ A few more hands went up. ‘Excellent. It’s quite beautiful, is it not? And quite mysterious. You know, when I first moved here, there was a large patch of grassland here, but no Jungle. Then, before we knew it, by the early ‘30s, the Jungle was here! I guess that means it’s been here most of your lives, but believe me when I say that this Jungle is a veritable miracle. And many of you may not know this, but Greta Barn was in one the first graduating classes of Environmental Studies doctoral students who witnessed the growth of the forest. Some might even say she was part of the group who caused it.' Aubrey gave another wink. This constant winking was starting to make Snow uncomfortable.

Carlton spoke up: 'So they did cause it?'

Aubrey looked at him and shrugged. 'I was quite busy starting up the University at that point. I wasn't really poking my head around the environmental studies department.

'Regardless, Greta was part of one of the greatest research cohorts we had at the University. She pioneered much of the Jungle Study that we are still doing here. It's because of this that you will see her name all over campus. Unfortunately, she's moved on by now, I believe to somewhere in South America, but her legacy, certainly, lives on.'

Aubrey could tell the students were starting to get restless. Of course, she could go on about the college forever. But she had to rap this thing up. 'Anyway,' she continued, starting her conclusion, 'You'll find that Ms. Barn was not the only notable Alumnus to graduate from the University of New Idaho. Nathan Habernick, the inventor of Clubhouse, which I know you all use, graduated from here. Many notable Lucid Lab employees graduated from here. And more, whom I'm sure you will learn about on the tour tomorrow.

'For now, however, I imagine you have all had quite a long day. Why don't we go over the schedule for tomorrow, yes?' A couple odd nods from around the meeting room. 'Okay. Tomorrow, we will be meeting down here at 0900h for a tour of the University. Breakfast is between 0730h and 0830h. Lunch will be at noon. In the afternoon, we will have some activities with student clubs, then we will have a ceremonious dinner together before going to bed for the night. On Sunday, of course, you return home.

'Okay. Now, before we part, I would like to take a short bit of time to learn the rest of your names!' Aubrey went around the circle, quickly learning everyone’s names. After that, she introduced them to a nondescript girl named Sarah, a fellow University student training to be an RA. Sarah briefly introduced herself, notified them of the rules and lights-out policy, then led them up to their dorm rooms.

There were about two hours before lights-out, and Sarah had thoughtfully put board games and ice-breaker ideas in the common room that separated the boys’ and girls’ sections. Snow peeked his head into the common room a few times to see if anyone was taking advantage of the situation, but the only ones using the space were Natalie and Marshall, who had really hit it off talking about ROTC and their shared love of hunting and cage-fights.

Snow was a little disappointed that nobody was really hanging out together. He knew it was only a weekend, but he had been looking forward to developing some sort of bond with those who had come out on this trip with him. This was what he had always imagined college to be—a place where you could make those bonds like you did at summer camp. He wondered if this was, instead, what college would be like: Everyone keeping to themselves and doing their own thing, making it impossible to find other friends.

Of course, it wasn’t like Snow was being very proactive. He had only peeked his head out. He hadn’t stayed out there himself, or knocked on any doors to see if anyone wanted to hang out. As Snow realized this and recognized that this was one of only two nights he had this opportunity, he felt a wave of sadness wash over him. Was he blowing this chance? Was he not living this unique experience to his fullest?

Oh, well, he thought, he would just resign himself to the company of Ricky 2 for the night. Maybe the following day would be a day for friends.

Bedtime topics with Ricky 2, as usual, verged on the grotesque and shocking. Perhaps it would have been enjoyable for those who weren’t used to Ricky 2’s company, but Snow had tired himself out on his neighbor’s shock tactics years ago. Eventually, they brushed their teeth and headed off to bed.

‘Hey, Snow?’ Ricky 2 said after they turned off the light.

‘Yeah?’

‘What do you think would happen if we traded Lucidities tonight?’

‘Um…’

‘Do you think I would dream your dreams?’

‘I don’t think it works like that. It would probably just download your dreams onto my device.’

‘Do you want to try it?’

‘Maybe not tonight.’

‘Tomorrow?’

‘I’ll think about it.’

‘I think it could be fun!’

‘I’ll think about it.’

‘You’re right. You might not be able to handle seeing my dreams!’

And with that, the conversation ended, and Snow went to sleep on a college campus for the first time in his life.

#College Visit #Ben Vizy #New Idaho #New Novel #Writing #Writing Community #Novelist #Novel WRiting #2054 #Augmented Reality #Futurism

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quicksilversquared · 6 years

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A Musical Connection Ch. 5

In a world where soulmate bonds can range from a simple matching mark to timers to shared dreams, of course Adrien would get saddled with an inconvenient bond that keeps him from going out and living life- because whenever his soulmate sings, Adrien has to as well.

But the singing, as inconvenient as it is, presents another opportunity. Can Adrien use it to track down his soulmate?

(Ch 1) (Ch 2) (Ch 3) (Ch. 4)

(AO3) (FF.net)

Adrien winced as he ran his hand through his hair. The spray that his stylist had used to keep his hair in place despite the sometimes gusty wind had resulted in hair that felt rather like a helmet, even if it looked very stylish still, and he couldn't wait to wash it all out.

"Well, at least that didn't go over time," Plagg offered as Adrien closed his door behind him. "You ended early, even- no?"

Adrien was shaking his head. "Nathalie has started adding an hour to all of my photoshoots to make sure that the photographers and other models and staff don't charge overtime just because we got interrupted. But yeah, at least it was only part of one song today." It wasn't the worst photoshoot he had done, not by far. It had just been exhausting, and sitting outside and trying not to look chilled in the late fall air wasn't easy. He had makeup coating his ears and cheeks to hide the red from the wind's chill, and that was just as uncomfortable as the cold itself. "I'm gonna go shower and get all of the gunk off. You know where the cheese is."

"We're getting low!" Plagg called as Adrien gathered up a change of clothes and headed into the bathroom. "Can we go to the cheese market soon? We haven't been in ages!"

They hadn't been since Adrien's soulmate bond showed up, he meant. Adrien thought about it. "If we can go early. My soulmate won't be up then. Hopefully."

Plagg cheered loudly.

Adrien shut the bathroom door, heading over to the sink and starting to scrub the layers of makeup off. His cheeks were red from the rubbing, even with the makeup remover on his washcloth.

The makeup artists had really caked it on thick this time.

By the time Adrien had gotten the last streaks of his photoshoot makeup off and got the shower running, he was already feeling better. When the familiar tickle in his throat appeared, Adrien only grinned and started singing along whole-heartedly, even using his shampoo bottle as a microphone as he stepped under the shower head.

It was one of the only times when he could truly enjoy his soulmate bond, when he was at home and not trying to get anything done. His soulmate knew quite a few songs, most quite energetic and fun, and he didn't have to try to think about the words at all. They just flowed out, easy and free.

Adrien supposed that it was a good thing that he wasn't a half-bad singer. Sure, he would never grace CD racks or anything, but he wasn't anywhere close to the yowling cat that his Lady sometimes joked he was.

(She hadn't actually heard him sing anytime recently, actually. She couldn't judge him on his fifteen-year-old self's singing skills.)

His soulmate swung from an upbeat, peppy song to a slower one, powerful and sweet. Adrien tipped his head back to rinse the shampoo out of his hair and belted out the words, careful to not get any soap in his mouth.

"And just for this moment, As long as you're mine, I've lost all resistance-"

The rest of his shower went by in a flash, and then Adrien was toweling himself off and tugging on fresh clothes, ones that hadn't been tossed over the back of a metal folding chair in the change tent for part of the day and then knocked onto the ground for the rest of the photoshoot. His hair got a quick toweling of and brushing out, and then Adrien shoved it back away from his face instead of styling it.

He wasn't going to be going out for the rest of the day, after all. His father might give him some sidelong looks, but that was fine. Adrien wasn't going to pay him any mind.

"Oh god, the soundtrack's started," Plagg grumbled as Adrien came out, still singing. "Really? You look like a dork, holding your hairbrush like that."

"-helps the medicine go down, the medicine go down! Oh, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, in the most delightful way!"

"There's no medicine in the world that is delightful," Plagg informed Adrien helpfully. "It's gross, all of it. I've had Chosens try to give me their nasty human medicine when I get sick. Don't ever try it, or I'll bite you."

Adrien ignored Plagg, heading over to his computer to pull out his books to do a few Chemistry problems and singing all the while. He didn't have to think about the songs at all as he sang, so it really wasn't that distracting as he worked out the chemical equations. In fact, it was actually rather enjoyable.

Even if he hadn't met his soulmate yet, Adrien always felt closer to her when he could sing along properly like this. He often felt a bit bad about grumbling and sighing over his soulmate bond, especially with as frequently as he complained about it and tried his best to resist the singing. When he resisted so much, Adrien often felt like he was, in some way, rejecting his soulmate.

And he wasn't. He didn't want to. After so long thinking that he would spend his life alone and lonely, without someone who just got him, Adrien was glad that he had a soulmate. It was just that he would have preferred a different kind of mark to show his bond, something that would allow him to go about his day a little more normally.

But his bond would allow him to track down his soulmate while things like simple matching marks and timers didn't. As long as Max's methods could produce results, Adrien should be able to locate his soulmate before much longer.

Humming now- apparently his soulmate had settled down a bit, and good thing too as Adrien's throat was starting to feel a tad sore- Adrien finished up his Chemistry homework, then settled down with a reading for his Plant Bio course. He shot a text off to Nathalie letting her know that he would take dinner in his room, as his father would complain if Adrien were to start singing again if he were in the dining room, and then went back to his coursework.

If his soulmate properly stopped singing later, he would try to watch a few recorded lectures and get a bit ahead of the syllabus. If his soulmate followed her patterns from previous semesters, she would start singing more again towards the end of the semester. Now that Adrien knew- or, well, suspected- that she was at a university theater, that made sense. Two musicals per semester, and performers would logically be practicing more when they were right about to start their performances. That made things a little inconvenient for Adrien, unless he planned ahead.

And since Adrien wanted to minimize any resentment towards his soulmate bond getting in his way, he would work around it and adapt.

"Hey, Alya!"

Alya grinned at Marinette as she slid into the seat next to her in the cozy diner they had chosen to meet at. "Hey, girl. Nino said sorry he couldn't make it, but he's got class to go to."

Marinette made a face. "Ugh. Class this early? No thanks. I didn't even want to get up this time. But there's a sale at the fabric shop today, and I had to swing by before and I wanted to get in and buy some things I need before supplies went." She patted the bulging bags sitting on the floor by her feet. "This'll be fun to work with. And I restocked my threads, and my needles, and zippers and buttons and-"

"Your whole sewing kit then, basically." Alya snagged the menu from Marinette and scanned it. "I bet your parents were surprised to see you up so early."

Marinette giggled, remembering her mother's face when she saw Marinette barreling down the stairs over two hours before she normally got up. "She wanted to know if there was a fire upstairs or something. And I did tell them about the sale yesterday, but apparently they forgot."

"Is anything in there for the theater?" Alya wanted to know as she flagged down a waitress. "Or do you not need anything for Mary Poppins?"

Marinette shook her head. "All of the costumes have been made, and all of the sewing for the sets got finished, too. And the school pays for all of those supplies, so it doesn't really matter as much when I buy stuff."

"So what do you do when there's no more work on the costumes to do?" Alya wanted to know. "I'd like the pancakes and eggs, please, and a glass of orange juice, please," she added to the waitress.

"I'll have the same," Marinette said, smiling at the waitress. The woman nodded and headed back towards the kitchen. "I keep the outfits organized, because if it were up to the cast, things would just get hung up whenever at the end of performances and dress rehearsals," she told Alya. "And there's other plays going on that aren't musicals, that's just what I tend to spend most of my time on, since they're so big. I just finished altering some things for a blackbox play, and I've got to do some repairs on the outfits that I just got back from another play, because they got stretched and torn a bit. I get them cleaned before they get put away, too."

"Mending and laundry. Yeah, I really see why you stay at that job." Alya gave Marinette a long look. "I get that it pays, but really. When was the last time that you made an entirely new outfit for the theater?"

"Little Shop of Horrors," Marinette answered promptly. "We didn't exactly have a giant plant costume sitting around. And some of the costumes needed some major alterations."

Alya groaned. "You know that isn't what I meant. When have you designed anything? You're too good to just be a seamstress for a university theater department."

"I'm thinking of getting a part-time internship with a design house this summer," Marinette said with a sigh. She had been thinking about it more often recently as her professors stressed the importance of getting a foot in the door to the fashion world, even though she still had a couple months before she would be able to apply to anything. "Since the theater thing only takes a few hours each day most of the time. Then I would get a foot in there, but I could keep the good hours from the theater during the school year."

That only made Alya look more exasperated. "I'm sure you could find an internship that would work around your classes. Mine does."

"That's not what other students have found," Marinette said firmly. She knew Alya had her best interests in mind, she really did, but Alya hadn't looked through the postings for jobs and talked to the older design students. "And I enjoy my job. I'm not going to leave it."

"If you're sure." Alya leaned over, poking through Marinette's bag. She made an appreciative noise when she found the length of red silk that Marinette had bought. "Ooh, this is pretty."

Marinette grinned, thinking of the dress and flared pants she was planning on making with that particular fabric. She was going to do a few black accents on it, a subtle reference to her Ladybug colors without doing the spots like so many other people did. She probably wouldn't get around to making it for a bit- after all, she had things she needed to do for her classes and also for her job that came first- but she had the designs all drawn out and the measurements made.

"And velvet!" Alya exclaimed, still digging. "And- oh, this is pretty. Your colors are always great."

"Well, I am a designer. I have to have an eye for color." Marinette watched as Alya pulled a rainbow of fabrics out of her bag, oohing over each one. There was a ton of fabric, enough that the other customers were giving them odd looks, but Marinette knew that she would end up using most of those fabrics up in the next couple of months. It was just part of being a fashion student.

She had gotten spectacular deals on each and every one of those lengths, good enough to make her want to spontaneously burst out into song in joy. Since she had had no desire to get booted out of the fabric store, she had contented herself with humming merrily as she picked out fabrics and loaded them into her cart.

Alya just shook her head. "It's not just the designer thing. I've seen some so-called fashion students gasping over the ugliest colors in the store and making up designs with fabrics that I thought belonged in the trash. They clearly have no idea what actually looks good."

Marinette hastily muffled a laugh. As much as she was loath to admit it, just because she hated to speak ill about another person's art, Alya had a point. Some of her classmates were so focused on making something unique and never seen before that they lost sight of what actually looked good. She personally preferred to balance new and timeless style, comfort and fashion.

"Oh, is that who I think it is?" Alya asked, cutting across Marinette's musings. She pointed across the cafe at the blond man who had just entered. Marinette squinted and- yup, Alya was right, it was Adrien. Alya waved, catching his attention. "Adrien! Over here!"

Adrien looked startled, but he only hesitated for a second before heading over to their table. Marinette was surprised to see that Adrien didn't look as cheerful as he normally did, though he tried for a smile as he stopped by their table.

"Hey, you two," Adrien greeted them. Even though Marinette had cleared space on the seat next to her for him, he didn't sit down. "I didn't expect to see you guys here!"

"And you would never expect to see Marinette this early, right?" Without waiting for an answer, Alya soldiered on. "And don't just stand there, Adrien, sit down! Don't be a stranger. Or do you have somewhere to be?"

Adrien sat, placing his bag on the seat next to him. He didn't look comfortable.

"I was showing Alya some of the stuff I bought at the fabric store this morning," Marinette explained as she slid fabric back into the bag. She paused to let Adrien feel the silk before tucking it away as well. "There was a sale."

That got a laugh out of Adrien. "Oh, is that why you're up? I thought we normally wouldn't see you for another couple hours."

Marinette spluttered. "I- oh, that's not nice. I'd normally be getting up soon, not in a couple hours."

Adrien grinned at her. "Oh, we know. I was just teasing." He leaned over to hug Marinette, pressing her into his side. "We wouldn't be seeing you out and about for a couple hours, then. Not unless you had something to get to, at least."

"Speaking of seeing people, we weren't expecting to see you here," Alya told Adrien. The waitress returned with their drinks, and Alya accepted hers with a thanks. "I thought you weren't really going out much these days?"

"I was going to get a box to-go, honestly. I just wanted to get out of the house." Adrien flipped through the menu that the waitress had handed him. "Though I suppose I could have just asked our chef for a box, too, and had a picnic of sorts somewhere. I just didn't think of it."

"Well, now you have somewhere to sit while you eat." Marinette took a sip of her juice and then pushed it over so Adrien could have some. "And people to talk to."

Adrien was still looking a bit uncomfortable for some reason, and Marinette wondered if he had actually been on his way somewhere and just didn't want to talk about it. She tried to subtly glance at his wrists- maybe his soulmate mark was a timer, and that was why he had snuck out- but no, Adrien's wrists were clearly bare, devoid of any marks. Clearly whatever had gotten him out of the house was some other reason entirely.

"Do you have designs to go with that fabric?" Adrien asked after he had placed his order and assured the waitress that no, no one else would be joining them. "You must, right?"

Marinette grinned and nodded, pulling out her sketchbook. "Yeah! Some are still going through revisions, of course, but I have them nailed down enough to have rough yardage figured out." She flipped the sketchbook open and pushed it over towards Adrien. "That's what I have planned."

She watched as Adrien flipped through the pages, giving each design a careful look-over, reading her notes and tracing over some of the lines lightly with his finger. Out of all of her old friends, Adrien was the one who gave her designs the closest looks and gave her the most constructive feedback. He looked at the designs as more than just a pretty picture, looking at the design as a fashion piece as well. Even if fashion wasn't his field of study, Adrien had been exposed to it enough over the years to develop a pretty good eye.

"This are going to look amazing, Marinette," Adrien said after a minute. He didn't look as excited as he normally did when looking at her designs, but Marinette wasn't going to take that personally. It was obvious that he was having an off day. "Just like always. There's some new techniques you're using, aren't there?"

Marinette grinned, impressed that he had noticed. "Yeah! I learned them in my techniques class and I immediately got some ideas of what to make. I probably won't be able to make much anything for myself until the semester has ended, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared."

It didn't take long for their breakfast to be delivered, with Adrien's arriving at the same time despite his order being put in a bit later. He ate quickly, leaving money for his meal before taking off with a wave.

Alya didn't look surprised, but Marinette was super-confused. The Adrien she knew spent as much time as he could with his friends, even occasionally risking his father's wrath to eke out a few more minutes together with them. But Adrien seemed uncomfortable while out in public, a far cry from when they had hung out together at Alya's apartment.

Had there been some sort of incident with his fans during one of the get-togethers that she had missed during the Little House of Horrors run? Marinette had thought that people had backed off a bit after Mr. Agreste had sent a lawyer after one particularly aggressive fan, but there was always the occasional person who was willing to brave both the former supervillain and all of the security that he had just to get a bit closer to Adrien.

If she had been as into him as she had been when she was younger, Marinette would have surely heard about whatever had happened by now. But it had been years since Marinette looked up articles and videos about Adrien, mostly because it felt like invading his privacy.

Besides, the articles weren't very accurate. Adrien was a fairly private person, keeping his public social media profiles minimalistic, with only information about his upcoming modeling events or Gabriel lines posted. The tabloids had to guess and make things up for most of their articles and, well...

They weren't very accurate. Clearly the reporters had never actually talked to him in person.

"So, back to what we were talking about before," Alya said, cutting across Marinette's thoughts- maybe she should search Adrien's name again, just to check- "Your new show is gonna run in a few weeks, right? Is it any good?"

"Are you kidding? It's fantastic." Fully distracted, Marinette's attention returned fully to Alya. "You should come watch one of the shows. We've got some great child actors in it without our normal cast. They're surprisingly good at singing, considering how young they are."

Alya barked out a laugh. "Wow, such persuasive powers you have there. All right, all right. If I'm free one of those nights, I'll go. I might not be, though," she warned. "That's gonna be a busy time for my internship, too."

"That's what you always say." Still, Marinette wasn't too bothered. Alya had never really been into plays, so it was no big surprise that she might not come and see the show. "I'll believe it when I see it."

Alya laughed. "Okay, okay, I'll try. I promise."

#Miraculous Ladybug #My writing #A Musical Connection #Adrien Agreste #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #yaaaaaay the internet didn't die while I tried to post this

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ftzone · 5 years

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beneath the cut you’ll find schedules for each of the groups in the futureverse! schedules are released every two weeks, and completing threads or solos that meet word count based on these prompts is worth 5 skill points and 5 karma points! prompts must be completed before the next set of prompts is released!

hit the stage subplot prompts begin this week!

DINGBAT GROUP

Siren - it’s comeback time! after being on hiatus for over a year, siren members are beginning to think the worst, especially as they reach their seventh anniversary. but for now, dingbat group are finally paying them some attention and is sending them off between music show recordings to film a cf for hi mart!

LOVECRAFT - lovecraft are in the studio this week, recording the tracks for their upcoming mini-album. the theme seems to be ... halloween, despite the fact that it’s only going to be february when the album is released. they’ve also been scheduled to make an appearance on get it beauty to share their beauty routines, one sponsored item at a time.

MYSTERY - time is ticking, and mystery have been thrown back into dingbat group’s dungeon, with one objective and one objective only. they’ve got songs to write and produce if they want to have a comeback within the next couple of months. their workload is high as ever.

Pyro - after their scandal, pyro are still, admittedly, recovering, but it’s nothing some good promotions and media play can’t fix! the boys are going to be volunteering at a dog shelter to try and repair their image, and can expect lots of photos to be “leaked”.

MELODY - the girls’ first comeback is coming up! members of siren and mystery may notice the special attention dingbat group is paying to their new moneymakers, but that’s just the industry, right? melody have their first official magazine photoshoot this week, with star1 magazine!

neXus - january evaluations. it’s a new year, and hopefully the neXus boys have been taking any new year’s resolutions to improve their performance seriously. rumors are flying around, and apparently dingbat group are looking to seriously lighten their trainee load.

MOBIUS ENTERTAINMENT

ORION - it’s no secret that orion are being neglected. fans and members alike have been left wondering what exactly is happening. they’re mostly being encouraged to go down their own personal routes, but mobius has gotten them one gig! they’re being sent to guest judge on a survival show of some lesser known company, where they’ll be encouraged to share their own underdog story.

STRINGS - after their successful japanese debut, strings have been granted some timeoff, though they can’t completely relax. their short holiday to jeju island is being filmed, to be released for fans to buy and watch. it’s a sharp contrast to what strings are used to, but it seems they’re finally being treated more as idols and less of a band.

SOLAR - radiance and gleam have been tasked with keeping solar’s youtube channel stocked with content while eclipse prepare themselves for debut. fans are already very aware of who the upcoming girls are thanks to the youtube channel, and following gleam’s success, the hype is bigger than ever before. eclipse are taking the photos for their debut teasers and photobook this week, as well as filming their music video for girl front.

NEO - neo:blue are being kept suspiciously out of the public eye. many fans are speculating that this is because they’re working on something big, and they’d be right. a surprise comeback, with one singular teaser will drop twenty-four hours before the music video. in the meantime, the boys are heading off to pre-film an episode of idol room!

LIBRA - it’s hard to be optimistic about your own debut when you’re in the practice room learning the dance routine for another girl group’s. six of libra’s seven members have officially been drafted in as backup dancers for girl front’s live stages.

VERVE CREATIVE

LEO - as per usual, christmas time was extremely profitable for leo, and they’re taking their customary january break. in order to keep public interest high, not that they really need any help, they’ve been instructed to make sure to go onto vlive and keep instagram updates frequent.

SiLVER - following long nights of choreography rehearsals, silver are being woken up early for a photoshoot with arena homme magazine, where they’ll be expressing a classy, mature side of themselves against a grey background. the concept is reminiscent of their latest comeback, you’re pitiful.

magic(g)al - it’s comeback time! magic(g)al are being run off their feet, and for the first time, they’ve been scheduled to make an appearance on knowing bros! besides that, they’ve got music shows to record for, and they’re hoping for a second win.

STATIC - static are in hot water. as leo’s follow ups, there’s a lot of pressure on the boys to do well, and although they are, verve still aren’t happy. it’s like they’ve been sent back to their trainee days, their every move heavily scrutinized.

STRAWBERRiE - inspired by mobius entertainment, not that verve would ever admit it, strawberrie have been given their own youtube channel. however, where mobius lets their girls upload fun, vlog type content, verve will be keeping a much tighter hand on strawberrie’s channel. the girls are starting off the channel by recording short, minute long introduction clips each, to be released over a two week period.

SUBPLOTS

Hit The Stage - dancing is some people’s calling. many an idol who falls short in vocals or rap gets by on their dance skills, and for some others, dancing is the very reason they got into the industry in the first place. for the first prompt in this series, write about your muse’s relationship with dance. were they pushed into classes as a child or is it a genuine love? do they feel insecure in their skills or are they comfortable? do they feel confident enough to perform alongside professional dance crews, some of whom might look down on so-called idol dancing?

#ft. schedule

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southboundhqarchive · 5 years

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MEET OPHELIA,

FULL NAME › Jacqueline “Ophelia” Miller AGE › twenty seven GENDER › Cis woman (She/Her/Hers) FROM › New York City, New York LODGING › Old Boot Hill PRIOR EMPLOYMENT › Actress NOW PLAYING › Come Wander With Me by Bonnie Beecher

BIOGRAPHY,

trigger warnings: absent father, emotional abuse/exploitation, drug/alcohol addiction, (non-fatal) overdose

“The only thing you’ve ever been good for,” Jacqueline’s mother used to say, “is zipping up my dress.” To Jacqueline, never lovingly called ‘Jackie,’ it seemed true. Her mother often used her as a scapegoat as a means to explain the worst parts of her life: “You’re the reason your father left, you know.” “You’re the reason I can’t fit in my good dress anymore.” “You’re the reason we’re hardly making any pull.” “You’re the reason for x, for y, and for z.” Jacqueline took her mother’s word as gospel, her mother being the only consistent presence in her life.

However, her mother’s borderline inhumane treatment didn’t last long – it soon turned into exploitation when she made a discovery: Jacqueline had one talent, one honest-to-god talent. That meant she wouldn’t have to make pay undressing when she grew up, as her mother always told her – her, still a child. “We have good genes, you know. That’s all you’re going to have,” her mother would say, but the script was flipped entirely when Jacqueline’s chorus teacher suggested she try out for the spring musical. At first, her mother brushed it off – talentless kids were always in school musicals, cuts didn’t exist in elementary and middle – but the ovation Jacqueline got… Ever the capitalist, her mother took it as a sign that she could make money off of this kid.

She sent for various agencies, various managers, various anyone-who-could-get-the-child-famous. It was originally a recording, originally a voice her mother exploited, but when the child’s new ego was born… oh, she could capitalize off of anything.

An agency took her in under one term: She was no longer ‘Jacqueline,’ she was ‘Ophelia.’ Nobody ever knew who Jacqueline Miller was. Nobody associated the name ‘Jacqueline’ with anything deeper than itself. Nobody thought ‘Jacqueline’ was the name of a big star. Nobody thought anything of ‘Jacqueline.’ Sure, there were Jackies to be associated with, but nothing spoke ‘just-original-enough-to-sound-original-while-also-making-you-think-of-something-famous’ like her given middle name. The shock value of it, too – a girl, twelve years of age, named after one of the most tragic characters.

From there on out, it was a whirl-wind. Jacqueline – forgive me, Ophelia – had never signed up for the life she was now being put through. She hadn’t signed up to be surrounded by old men in suits at all hours of the day, some stranger than others; she hadn’t longed to throw a competition, and she certainly hadn’t longed to testify about it later; she had never wanted to sit in a chair for four hours while strangers touched her face, then spend the next ten filming something that would be worth nothing to her.

- She was always smiling, though. She was always getting good press, even when testifying! -

It wasn’t until she was sixteen, until she chose something to do on her own, that she began developing a taste for old men, strangers, and filming all day and all night, for she wasn’t filming at all. At sixteen, she found herself in New York City, cast in a musical alongside big names, playing a secondary role. The pressure was still there, sure, but she was now doing something she chose to do, and she was now not top-billed. It was a different lifestyle, but nothing would become more different, yet so very similar, than when she completely dropped her mother from any and all projects at eighteen.

It was now Arthur Sher, her agent, who was largely in charge of what she did and didn’t do. The flipside of it was that she actually had input. She had a name now, a name all her own, a name not attached to her mother’s, a name not unknown, and that name would only be seen where she wanted it seen. She and Arthur ventured back to Los Angeles and time began slipping away. He fed her so many scripts, so many she wanted her name on, that it became hard to keep track of what day it was, where she was meant to be, what the time was, who she was supposed to be at that moment in time. She married an acquaintance named George Stevens and hardly remembered it.

For as stressed as she had become on the inside, juggling so many projects (albeit, by her own volition), the papers only ever said kind things about her. She was an actress – she had acted in plenty of scenes that required feigned happiness. She was praised in the papers for doing so much and keeping it all together. She was praised for her marriage – apparently it had been expected for a long time, although she had never even thought of George as a boyfriend. She was praised for her patience with the paparazzi. She was praised for her generosity when she was seen giving a man on the side of the street a bottle of (half-drunk) water. Oh, she was praised!

That said, it had started out perfectly innocent. She would take one pill, as needed, as per her psychiatrist’s instructions. But she began ‘needing’ them more and more. But just taking a handful of pills was far too simple, wasn’t it? You see, they always paired best with alcohol. Oh, and the nights her mother rang? Well, she just needed extra then! Oh, and the days she’d have to spend filming something for over ten hours? One, two, three, four, more! It had truly shocked Arthur that she had still managed to make it to set every day, on time, and cooperate.

Of course, it was a shock for a reason! At home, things had not been quite as nice. She and George had gotten into more than their fair share of wars with one another. She would accuse him of infidelity, he would point out the liquor and pills, she would say the latter was prescribed, he would say that maybe someone else was just what the doctor would prescribe for him. It all seemed very over-the-top and dramatic, all very hyperbolic and unrealistic, to Ophelia… up until she came home late one night, hoping to make some form of amends, just to find George and another woman on their couch.

He was forced out that night. The couch was cleansed using alcohol. She took some extra pills that night, then some more the next morning. Then she began messing up the shoots. Then she took some more. Then she blamed the best boy, of all people, on why she was doing so horribly (he was distracting her!, so she’d claim). Then she would be let go from her projects, replaced with someone younger as a cycle began to repeat itself. Then the press would turn against her. Then she would overdose. Then she would be forced into rehab by Arthur. Then she would fight it. Then she would get sober. Then she would return to New York City.

There was a show on – a musical – that they figured she was best for. They had centered the majority of the pieces around her range. They had come up with designs that would best fit her. This was all before she had said yes, but publicity that required forgiveness and sympathy – there was nothing better. But that opening night… it was impressive. It was almost as though Ophelia wanted everyone to hate her, to leave her. Months of perfect rehearsal, months of friendly mingling with her co-stars and understudy, months of learning tragedies she’d missed and still powering through, months of avoiding pills and alcohol, months of perfect preparation and perfect sobriety… all to collapse the night the curtain was meant to go up.

She had found a new psychiatrist, had gotten a ‘different’ medication, and had made the decision to abuse it that night. It was to calm her nerves!, she pretended. The second they knocked on the door to her dressing room, telling her the curtain was about to go up – the second she opened it to reveal she hadn’t changed outfits since she’d gotten there – that was the second they gave up on her. George had left her. Arthur left her. Her co-stars left her. She had left her mother. Every bridge she had built, she burned. All she had left was the world, and even they began praising her understudy, beginning to forget it was her name in big letters above the title.

She gave up that night. She gave up opening night. She didn’t have anyone or anything left. She had no reason to be there. She had no reason to be anywhere. So she drove. She took pills and drank liquor and drove, just like the clown she’d always been under that false identity of hers. She drove, high out of her mind, until she simply couldn’t anymore. She drove, high out of her mind, until she reached some small western town called Boot Hill. She had nowhere else to be. Maybe there, nobody would know her. Maybe there, she wouldn’t have to see what papers said about her (oh, she hoped they were asking ‘Where Is Ophelia Miller?’ as opposed to praising the musical tailored to her that she was not in).

She has not cared to leave. She has not cared to try. She has not cared to reach out to the outside world. Only when she got fame-sick would she try to see if she could leave and find out just how trapped she was. She had not yet gotten fame-sick.

But she knew – oh, she knew – the world still loved her…

❝ everyone has an identity. one of their own, and one for show. ❞

CENSUS,

FACECLAIM › Elizabeth Gillies AUTHOR › Lucky

#elizabeth gillies #rp #rpg #town rp #new rp #{ all. }#{ newcomer. }#{ f. }#{ over twenty. }#emotional abuse tw #drug addiction tw

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assholemurphy · 6 years

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i am incredibly sad that i only have like, 1 extra adderall left (i may have to find somewhere to buy more from, since i only get like, enough for the month with my prescription, the only reason i had extras this month is bc it took a week for me to be able to get my prescription filled, so i literally had to go a week w/o adderall and i don’t wanna do that again, ever, it was hell, esp bc i ran out of sudafed, too, that week) bc holy fucking shit am i awake. i’m getting so much done. i took a shower and then highlighted all of the units in my script, which is usually hard to focus on bc it’s so dull, and i got another 15 units done, so i’ve only got like 30 left and i’m still wide awake and focused AF. like, i’m p sure that colors have smells, but also, like, the world is so intense and amazing. i feel fucking fantastic. i kinda wanna go skydiving, but like, not until i get my hw done, ya know?

but i’ve got 30 more units to do, then i’ve gotta make a graph, but after that, i’m done with the project and can move on. depending on how i feel/what time it is when i get that done (bc if it’s past 3:30/4a, i can’t sleep, i’ve got to stay up bc if not, i won’t wake up in time for class, but also, if i still feel this awake, then there’s rly no point to sleeping bc i won’t be able to, anyway) i might sleep, or i might start working on my playwriting assignment (bc that’s due mon @ 2p and i’ve got to write 6 1-min monologues for my characters) and watch the first 30min of shrek: the musical (bc i gotta have that done by fri @ 9a bc we’re watching it in class and that’s where we’re picking up at since the audio wouldn’t work in class, so it’s hw to watch the first 30 of it, but we can watch all of it, if we want, idk if i will, i’ve got too much to do and if i watch all of it, then there’ll be no point of going to class bc i hate rewatching things bc i’ve got a damn near eidetic memory for movies/books and certain other things, depending on how much i’m paying attention, but almost always books/movies unless i find them boring and don’t care abt them, so it would be stupid to watch all of it and then be bored in class), then maybe read some of after the fall (the script i’m pulling my monologue from for acting i) and do the assignment that goes with that (bc it’s due tues @ 9:30a). after that i should do my therapy hw (we’re still working on stuck points and i’ve got like, 5 more sheets, maybe more, to fill out) bc that’ll be due at my next counselling appt, which i think is next week, i’ll have to call them, but it’ll take abt an hour and it’ll emotionally drain me.

i think that’s abt it for hw, tho, but all of that’ll take roughly 9 hours, which means i def won’t be able to do it all tonight, but i can get most of it done if i don’t sleep, which means i’ll have more time for sleep/writing/literally everything else on the weekend. i might even be lucky enough to be able to get drunk. maybe. i’d have to start drinking at like, 3p and stop at like, 6p for it to all be out of my system so i can get to bed by 2/3a. so that’s a maybe. but a nice maybe.

ofc, i’ve got non hw stuff to do, too. i’ve got to make a list of roommate requirements so i can start looking for a new one (i’ve also got to talk to goldilocks to see when she plans to move out, bc like hell am i moving out, all the bills except her half of the lease are in my name and most of the furniture (aside from her personal stuff and the coffee table) is mine and i don’t want to have to move ALL of it out and into a new place, plus it’s her decision to not be roommates, so it’s on her, not me, and i won’t budge, not this time). then i’ve got to get my study/organization binder made so things’ll be easier to keep track of. i’ve got to do some cleaning (taking out the trash, cleaning up my side of the living room (we didn’t divide it, it’s just where the couches are so we stick to our couches most of the time) and the coffee table). then laundry, gotta do laundry, i’m almost out of socks.

ofc, i might have to start on my part of the second part of the group project. i wanna design costumes for the play, if neither of the others is doing that, which i hope they aren’t, bc i don’t know enough abt any of the other elements of production to do something else. but if i have to, i can try to do sound, maybe, that’s my second choice. so, i may have to start on that this weekend. i’ll talk to hurricane bianca and tim the toolman taylor and see what they’re doing for it probs on fri if not tomorrow at rehearsal. then i can start on my part and get it finished ahead of time to prove i’m capable, when i’ve got my shit together and am not having a breakdown every week. then, after i talk to prof j abt what i’m supposed to do for the show (something with finding times for freeze frames and spotlights, which is fun, but i’m worried my comdic timing isn’t the same as everyone else’s bc i’m autistic, so my sense of humor is a bit skewed, ya know? but anyway, prof j specifically told goldilocks (who is stage manager, i’m one of two assistant stage managers) to have me do it, so i’m afraid i’m being set up to fail bc i know nothing abt theatre, rly, and i’m always paranoid abt these things, but i’m also kinda thinking it might be bc she actually thinks i can do it, which sounds unrealistic, but she’s not a mean person, so i’m willing to bet it’s that one. but i need to ask her what all she needs me to do, bc goldilocks has no clue, which was so fucking helpful, what a great stage manager she is (no, srsly, idk if i bitched abt this earlier or not, but she’s absolutely horrible at this shit so far and i can’t stand working under her bc i hate working under incompetent ppl bc i feel it makes me look incompetent, too, if the job isn’t done right, even if it’s not my fault bc i wasn’t in charge and i’m always, always terrified to look stupid or incapable in the eyes of others). so, i’ve got to ask prof j abt what all i need to do bc i’m p sure the advice given to me by the lighting tech (who is apparently a decent stage manager, tho i doubt it, truly, she doesn’t have the personality for it, she’s too pushy and it makes her hard to work with, but that might just be bc i don’t like her as a person, so i’m reserving judgement until i see her in the position) is wrong bc it makes no sense, is way too hard, doesn’t actually help with anything and gives me a headache (bc mapping out the goddamn blocking is impossible when the actors do diff things every fucking night, wtf??? do the same shit, you assholes! but it’s also useless bc it doesn’t tell anyone where the spotlights/freeze frames should be, and blocking isn’t my job, it’s the other asm’s (who i don’t have a nickname for, but will probs have before the end of rehearsal) so why she’s not doing it, idk???) so i’ll ask tomorrow.

so, i’m looking at 9 hours hw now, then 30 min of cleaning, 3 hours of other paperwork shit, and potentially 4 hours of hw and 2 hours of theatre stuff this weekend. which means i can get at least 10 hours of sleep per night and get some writing done, if i finish most of my hw now. i think that’s worth one sleepless night. it rly is. so, here’s to hoping for at least one day off this week.

but if i don’t sleep, i’ll probs crash after rehearsal tomorrow night, unless i can convince my friends to come over and hang out, since they won’t be here this weekend and i kinda need their help making the roommate requirement list bc otherwise it’s just gonna be like ‘can’t leave time on the microwave after they’re done using it’ and ‘must know how to use headphones when others are studying in the living room’ and ‘must not whine when i want to stay in my room and do work instead of being around them 24/7′ (tho, goldilocks doesn’t spend much time with me anymore, which is fine, i guess, but it’s a complete 180 from what she used to do and honestly, i’m offended bc i caved and started staying in the living room and now it just feels weird not being in the living room and idk what to do abt any of this). i need real things, too, like, big concerns that i’ll forget abt when writing it, and i need to know if my requirements are petty or things that aren’t specific to most ppl, just goldilocks. and it’d be nice to hang out with them and shit.

anyway, this is rly long and rambly, but i rly need to vent all of this shit somewhere, it helps me sort my brain out. i don’t actually expect anyone to read it and you can always blacklist my personal tag ‘iz says stuff’ if you don’t want this shit on your dash. but if you do read them, then you’re always welcome to come to my inbox and be like ‘quit bitching and get back to work, dumbass’ or something.

#text #long post #iz says stuff #i'm gonna get back to work now #after i make a to do list (on paper not on tumblr)#so i can keep track of what i need to do #and then i'm gonna update my planner with what i need to do tomorrow #but then it's back to the units #after i take some fucking ibuprofen for my migraine (idk where my migraine meds are but i might be able to find them tonight)#bc it's coming back with a vengence #i think they're from not sleeping and from stress #i used to get them all the time #some of them were so bad i had to go to the emergency room #i hope they don't get that bad again #it would rly fucking suck bc i don't have a car/can't drive with a migraine anyway and i don't have the money for the emergency room #i think i'll talk to my dr abt it tomorrow #if i can remember to

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princessmovieticket · 7 years

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Interveiw- Living with Chronic Illness

● When did you first notice/realized you had an illness and what/how did you notice first about the illness?

It was subltle. I watched myself decline through high school. I didn't know it was illness, I thought I was merely physically inept. You come up with explanations like this for yourself in these situations. The problem was I was not educated enough on the body to know that my issues were way out of the norm.

I would feel faint when standing for long periods of time, which seemed normal enough for a 110Lbs 17 year old girl. But then I began to have these episodes of extreme insomnia, which while also seemed normal enough, lead to episodes of the craziest hypersomnia you'd find in sleep speacialist's patients. (During my first appointment with a sleep specialist in 2015, he was CONVINCED I had narcolepsy).

I missed an average of 30 days of high school per year, mostly due to days where it was literally impossible for me to wake up no matter what I did. I got worn out easily. Gym class was the worse. I had a lead role in a school play and was very often to tired to make it to rehearsal even though I wanted to badly. (I have social anxiety, which I talk about later, but a musical is one thing I'm willing to lock it away for).

I felt guilt all of the time, maybe my best wasn't good enough? Maybe everyone else felt this way and I needed to push myself? Slowly I started to guess that something was off, at some point I could tell this was a condition specific to me. Sadly I just assumed it was something I could try to control on my own by making healthy choices.

● How did you manage the symptoms before professionals became involved? At what point did you get professionals involved?

I started to let myself rest. In college I'd sit down in class when we were suppose to be standing for a demo. I tried not to guilt myself for all the (expensive) Ringling Classes I missed. Sophomore year I focused on going at my own pace, eating as best as I could, drinking TONS of fluid, working in my dorm room. I adjusted my sleep schedule to a strict 7-8pm bed time so I wouldn't over sleep, putting my phone on the opposite side of the room, an alarm clock app with math puzzles I had to solve to wake up to.

The problem was as I did this I continued to grow more fatigued. By the end of my Sophmore year at Ringling I only managed to get to each class once a week, if at all. Sometimes I woke up barely being able to move, I'd often spend 2-3days in my dorm room in bed before resurfacing. Even my roomates were way to busy to notice.

Once I left, my family spent the summer moving to Illinois. I was determined to fix this. For some reason, I thought all the fatigue was from Depression and that the symptoms of my (unknown) Hyperadreangic Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia was an anxiety disorder.

So I immediately got into one of the best psychiatrist in Peoria. By Novemeber 2013 I became totally bedridden, which opened the door to a lot of depression, and my uneducated self assumed depression was the problem rather than a result of other things. After about 5 months, they told me they we're not going to prescribed anymore meds because they were convinced this was something physical. They sent me on my way to an Endocrinologist and that's when the ball got rolling.

● What did you think your symptoms meant? What were your first thoughts?

Somehow, in the back of my head, my instincts anticipated for a long time where this was headed. I had asthma as a kid, and I apparently had pneumonia 33 times. Countless episodes of strep in highschool, along with stomach issues. So I figured my body was very sensitive to getting sick and becoming upset over anything it was able to respond negatively too. And as I said before, I have struggled with depression for a long time, early high school, so I assumed fatigue was an extension of that.

(An important fact, one of the first symptoms of autoimmune issues and other chronic illnesses like Multiple Sclerosis or Lupus, is Depression).

Once Psychiatric causes were off the table the causes of the chronic fatigue was a wild card. EVERY PATIENT with chronic fatigue knows it's basically the wildest card there is. It can be caused by a slew of things. I read about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and it made a lot of sense. That's when I started to take things seriously and began researching and going down paths beyond it. Becoming educated is also how I was finally able to give myself a break.

● How was it talking to your family about your initial symptoms and the illness itself? How does it feel when you talk to people about it outside of your family?

Family is the number one reason I went so long without a diagnosis. As I look back I can see how absurd my life was due to my health complications, it's incredibly obvious. My dad would hound me on how “It's a choice, Rachel! Everyone struggles, you have to just push through it.” (That's the polite version of his words). My whole life was centered around going above and beyond just to do normal things, and often do them in an exceptional way to compensate for being rather unreliable.

Once the door was opened to the fact this was physical, I panicked to find every answer I could, not so much as to fix it, but so I wouldn't be constantly beat down by the incredible guilt that came with thinking this was my fault and that I wasn't trying hard enough.

Once I came up with solid answers, I'd tell my parents, I'd explain things to them, show them articles, so I wouldn't have to risk being eaten alive by criticism. This was a major turning point for me in my life because having answers, knowing it wasn't my fault, gave me my power back.

Telling others is a mixed thing, usually I am very happy to inform them, illness symptoms and what causes them is a very relateable conversation for almost everyone. I have made good friends who met me after I became bedridden, who know to embrace it. One friend who was turned away by doctors who I told to go back because he had narcolepsy, and that week he was diagnosed with narcolepsy. Friends who had had trouble with their medications, friends who were struggling but didn't know how to approach doctors with their issues. There have been far more positive interacts from people I tell than negative. There's always going to be those who try to compare their situation and don't grasp the levity of what you're explaining, but you know you've found a new friend when you see them take a step back and suddenly re-evaluate how they are seeing you. You're suddenly in a much more personal and encouraging conversation, and those conversations go a long way.

● How did your family react? Did your immediate family react differently than your extended family? ● Who did you perceive to be helpful or not and why?

My mom has many of the same issues I do but less severe. Before me, she didn't know what to call them, and she didn't pay them a lot of attention, she didn't have to. My dad was slow to accept. It was several months of walking him through everything and always fully explaining myself to get him use to everything. My extended family was a little tricky, my mom's side understood very well. (My mother has...nine? Sisters? She's one of eleven children). I remember one time when visiting my Dad's Parents, and his brother, wife, and daughter were there. After a few hours I went to a bedroom to lay down and take a break and my uncle picked a fight with my dad claiming he was letting me get away with being lazy and destroying my life, to which my dad told him he didn't understand and began to explain P.O.Ts. This was the one time I've seen my dad stand up for me. My uncle was shocked because he was not expecting cardiac involvement, he himself has struggled with severe heart problems the past couple years. He realized this conversation was over his head and kind of just shut up after that.

I perceived my family as more on the unhelpful side. With the exception of my mom. Truthfully, everyone has let me down 97% of the time. Everything that has been diagnosed or treated has been from my persistence. No one tries to involve themselves, I spend months alone in the basement. My family member s don't come down to “talk”. For the past few years I have not been bitter or too upset over it, but during the past 8 months, specifically the past 3, I've gotten visibly worse. I developed brain damage and began to struggle with speech, planning, flexible thinking, unable to multitask, sydenham Chorea, a form of shaking, in my hands, and tics. Because of the brain damage, it took me a while to realize what was going on, because I couldn't processes exploring the symptoms. I was blocking out doing so out because it took extra energy so I wanted to focus on other things. Hadn't I done enough analyzing of symptoms in the past? I couldn't analyze like I could a year ago, and I didn't understand that yet. I didn't realize it was the biggest road block.

Eventually, as it got totally debilitating, I was the one to figure it out and I wish to God that I wasn't. I wish that someone else would have gone “okay, something's different. Something's really wrong with Rachel.” but that's not what happened. I couldn't really be there for myself and no one that was supposed to be showed. It is a fresh wound and I am still royally pissed. I wish someone else was here for me in they way I've had to be here for myself.

The most helpful people have been my friends. My friends genuinely care even though lately I haven't seen much of them. They have an empathy that I just don't think runs in my family, unlike the health issues.

● How does your illness affect relationships with others including family, friends, and strangers?

Illness leaves me incredibly isolated. There's not a lot of people to interact with in my bedroom. I barely get to see friends anymore due to their busy schedules and my living situation. As my illness has gotten worse over the past year I've started hiding away more. Conversations and interactions can be very over stimulating, even ones online. Prior to get sick I was rather introverted with social anxiety, a social anxiety I have even in my own home that only goes away for a tiny handful of people. (When it does it's like night and day, full of passionate monologues and musical numbers, I kid you not). When someone messages me online nowadays, I get an adrenaline rush I can't curb. My body turns that into an anxiety that completely freezes me up and wears me out for the next several days. If a family member comes down during a time when I'm not feeling well that sudden adrenaline starts, I may become a little catatonic, and my speech problems will start to show. The stutter/dysaphsia due to neurological/brain damage tends to become more apparent when I'm stressed, flaring up, or have been talking to long. It can make communicating difficult and awkward.

Strangely enough, it's easier to handle it when it happens with strangers. They tend to be more inclined to listen when this happens, and not take it as personally as my family and my recent boyfriend have. But all these things have left me hesitant to communicate with people as it is one of the most exhausting things I've faced so far.

● What messages did/do you receive from the larger society about your illness?

It depends on what part of society were talking about. In the real world, the message can suck. Mostly because it's either “suck it up” or worse, it's non-exsistent. A passive, non communicative society is dangerous. It leaves the door open for things to becomes worse, for millions of others in my position to go disregarded. We are in need of your attention, of your advocacy, and a chance to represent ourselves. Whatever you do, don't become Chronically Ill or Disabled in a Capitalistic society. Unless of course, you plan on not being so chronically ill or disabled that you can monopolize on your life by writing books or creating a website filled with health tips and allergy safe recipes. Even then, that can be a soul-draining endeavor, so I don't recommend it.

Online, it is a world of empathy where others who experience similar issues continuously try to support each other. Where spreading information is a major positive. You are allowed to be sick online. I don't think I would have made it this far without the internet. So many others say the same thing. The internet has allowed so many people with Chronic Illness and disability to find ways to cope, regain a sense of community, and continue living a life. A life that is still worth living, that keeps them hanging on.

● How does your illness affect your daily life?

Illness likes to plan my days for me. It's the perfect custom prison. How long I spend on a activity is usually up to my illness, and what activity is pretty much up to my illness. For instance, pretty much everyday when I wake up, I will need to use the bathroom. But my body will be so difficult to move it will be 1-3 hours before that happens.

I can't drive anymore, I can't take walks (believe me, when Pokemon Go came out I tried), and I exclusively leave the house for medical related things.

Let's say I want to shower today, and I'm kinda feeling up to it (Yay!). But my muscles are stuck, my brain keeps freezing and I'm having trouble processing the steps to gather clothes for after the shower and walking myself to the bathroom. It can be several hours before I finally get there. Maybe I'd like to draw. After 15 minutes I'm becoming catatonic, the lights are to bright, and my brain becomes inflexible, I suddenly can't processes how to continue on the drawing and my entire being is frozen. I still want to draw, but my everything can't figure it out.

I've made a rule when planning a day, that I only have 3 task to do. For example, shower, important phone call, and ordering something I need online. This has worked really well for me.

● What is your perceived quality of life?

This past year has been rough. I don't have an actual bedroom, and having no walls or doors messes with a person's head. I developed brain damage and no one took notice. I got worse and we still don't have very solid medical explanations. I shower once every four days. And I can't clean up my guinea pig's environment as much as I like.

Everything is exposed, interactions are shallow, my body's terms are unknown, everything's a mess, and life is rather out of control despite my quiet but continuous drive to take care of all I can. It's hard to get my head outside of feeling these things.

I can't continue living like this. I'm currently doing everything I can to fix what I can and get out into a new environment.

● What are your hopes for the future?

Currently my friend Victoria and I are looking for a place to move into together. Which is a enormous step, but it's a start. It's my hope that this will be an environment where I can feel more relaxed and have friends over to visit, and that I'll be able to rebuild skills around my independence.

My hopes are very controlled by my expectations. I want to be able to find some sort of groove, find a way to manage illness and be able to do something.

I hope that medical research will advance, that information will become as popular to share in everyday life as it can be online. That people like me will be advocated for, represented, and not forgotten and hidden away.

I hope there will be more in my life than what there is now. A significant other, my own home filled with plants and large windows.

I hope that my life will be something that makes waking up and feeling like I was Daredevil-style fighting crime in my sleep, everyday, a little less crappy.

● What role does your illness play in your expectations?

It's funny you asked that, one of my most popular Tumblr post was

“People: You shouldn't give up on your dreams just because of Chronic Illness!!!*~*~*~*

Me: The only dream I have now is to recover or reach a point of slightly functional stability”

(1,153 notes, hahaha).

It's true, I had to let go of all my dreams. When you can only shower every 4 days you don't have a choice. At that point you can't even dream that big. All your day dreams become more realistic and there's no way to stop it. But ultimately, being able to establish some form of independence is a big goal of mine.

A good “expectation killer” example: I started singing again back in August on a Karaoke app called Smule Sing!. It took all my energy to just do a couple songs a day, but I was invited to an elite group on the app and got a couple hundred followers pretty fast. Singing on there was the most consistent activity I've been able to do since getting sick. Most days I had to take Lorazepam to avoid catatonia and muscle stiffness, some days I couldn't find the energy. I did well until I took the antibiotic Flagyl and developed the neurological/brain damage. It was unexpected and sudden. I've gotten some skill back, but it's so much harder now, and truthfully I don't know if this issue will ever reverse itself or improve fully.

As much as I would like to, I can't spending everyday writing or drawing, or creating some kind of job that would generate an income for myself, or even just create fulfillment for myself.

I have no idea what my future's going to be like and I'm not really planning for it, not at this moment anyway. There's too much up in the air medically to tell how I might be....heck, 2 years from now. Remember, I'm still adjusting to this past year of becoming worse. So many things are beyond my own control, and I just want to hone into the things that are so I can have somewhat of a secure footing through it all.

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auburnfamilynews · 5 years

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Auburn’s freshmen made enough plays. (AP Photo/Butch Dill.)

War Eagle everybody! It’s time now for the Acid Reign Report on a harrowing 20-14 victory of the Ole Miss Rebels. Despite rolling up 507 yards of offense with only 1 turnover, Auburn managed only a couple of touchdowns and had to hold of for dear life against a healthy, motivated Ole Miss team. The Auburn offense improved a great deal over the last game, but there was regression from the defense thanks to injuries and illness, and this wasn’t a great special teams day either.

Auburn moved the ball into Ole Miss territory on its first 5 drives of the first half, only to come up empty until the Tigers had to settle for a field goal after having first and goal at the 8 yard line. I did approve of Auburn’s short passing game plan, as Ole Miss is noted for having a decent rushing defense, but has been leaky against the pass. The short game paid dividends on the 6th Auburn possession of the day, as Bo Nix hit Harold Joiner on a wheel route that went 79 yards to the Ole Miss 1 yard line. That drive, Auburn did the smart thing and kept the strongest runner Auburn has right now, DJ Williams in the game to punch the touchdown in.

After building a 10-0 lead, Auburn’s offense got the ball back and promptly had 3 straight incomplete passes, and ended up giving the ball back to Ole Miss with 47 seconds left in the half. Disastrous coverage on the punt and a sudden defensive inability to recognize counter runs had Ole Miss in the Auburn end zone quickly, and it was back to a tight ball game at the half.

Auburn opened the 3rd quarter running DJ Williams right at the Rebel defense, and a 13 play touchdown drive ensued. Why it took till nearly halftime to get Williams involved, after he was the most successful offensive player at LSU was a mystery. The Auburn defense produced a quick three and out, and then Auburn drove it again, down to the Ole Miss 24. Then the offensive brain trust forgot about DJ Williams, and ended up having to settle for a field goal and a 20-7 lead. The Tigers were driving across midfield as the 3rd quarter ended.

In the 4th quarter, it was apparent that the coaches had forgotten about the plan to throw the ball short on early downs. A sack forced Auburn to punt it back to Ole Miss, and it was time to lean on the Auburn defense. Auburn had Ole Miss pinned at their own 9 yard line, but just could not get off the field on 3rd and 4th downs. Ole Miss put together a 15 play drive and got a rushing touchdown with 5:45 remaining in the ball game. What really hurt is that Auburn had 2 major distance penalties during that drive.

Auburn put together a 12 play drive after the Ole Miss score, but a comedy of errors including a couple of Les-Miles worthy clock mismanagement moments gave Ole Miss the ball back after a missed field goal attempt. Ole Miss was able to quickly move the ball down to the Auburn 35, then the Tiger pass rush slammed the door. Auburn held on, for the 20-14 win.

Special teams were not great, in this game. I suppose some will point to 3 missed field goal out of 5 attempts, but all 3 misses were from beyond 40 yards. I call such attempts a coin flip, but one would have expected Auburn to make at least 1 of them. Auburn’s punts were pretty short in this one, averaging only 38 yards. Two of them were expertly killed inside the 20, but the remaining punt was low, and was returned 55 yards, ultimately costing Auburn a touchdown just before half. There were only a couple of touchbacks on 5 kickoffs, and Auburn gave up 22.7 yards per return, the worst result of the season in that department. The bright spot on the special teams day was a 46 yard kick return by Noah Igbinoghene.

Unit grades after the jump!

Defensive Line: B-. The line did a decent job on gap control, and helped limit the Rebel rushing attack at times. However, this unit produced no sacks, 3 quarterback hurries, and only 1.5 tackles for loss. This unit contributed 18 total tackles. The highlight of the day was when Derrick Brown was running onto the field very late, and Ole Miss was already running a screen right into that area. Brown planted a stunned ball carrier in the dirt! Right place, right time…

Linebackers: B+. I counted off a bit for the last Ole Miss drive, where linebackers neither covered well or contained the running quarterback. However, for the most part this unit did a good job. We knew that more would be asked of them this week against a run-heavy Rebel offense. I thought KJ Britt did a good job getting Auburn lined up in the right gaps, and Owen Pappoe is going to be a star, if he isn’t already.

Secondary: B+. When first heard that safety Jeremiah Denson was going to miss the game due to illness, I wondered what impact that would have. Auburn did miss Denson’s uncanny ability to get up the field and make tackles near the line of scrimmage. However, backups like Smoke Monday and Jamien Sherwood did a good job in most respects.

Punting: C. Arryn Siposs was only called on 3 times. He had 2 punts killed deep, but a low one just before the half was costly, as the coverage team overran it and Ole Miss was able to get a big return and score before the half.

Punt Returns: C. Auburn was dangerous returning punts early this season, but that facet of the game has disappeared as October began. Ole Miss punted 8 times. Auburn had 4 fair catches, let three balls hit and roll, and Christian Tutt had 1 return for just 1 yard. Can’t fault Tutt for that one, as the coverage team was all over him.

Kick Returns: A-. Ole Miss kicked short twice, and Auburn fair caught to put the ball at the 25 both times. The one time the Rebels kicked it to the goal line, Noah Igbinoghene made them pay, with a 46 yard return up near midfield.

Place Kicking: C+. I looked at the missed field goals, but that didn’t really factor into this grade. What did was not kicking many touchbacks, and allowing over 20 yards per return. This season, Auburn has done well dumping return men well short of the 25 yard line. That was not the rule, in this game.

Offensive Line: A-. Ole Miss had just 3 tackles for loss, including 1 sack, and generally had to blitz to get any pressure. It was so nice this week to have no penalties, and no bad snaps! Auburn’s stats show no quarterback pressures at all from Ole Miss, but I’m not sure that is accurate. Some might point to a 3.6 yards per rush average in this game, but Auburn continues to put 3 or 4 receivers in the game and still keeps trying to run it up the middle. That’s not really on the line.

Running Backs: B. Auburn backs ran hard, and blocked well when called in. I counted off for a couple of things. The biggest issue was the fumbled football on the goal line. Auburn got it back, but the loss of yardage meant that Auburn ended up kicking a field goal instead of getting a touchdown. It was also notable that the longest run of the day by a running back was 10 yards from Kam Martin. DJ Williams had just 11 yards on 3 screen passes, but I had to add a bonus for the big wheel play by Harold Joiner.

Receivers: B. Had a number of dropped passes by different players. I suppose that if a team throws 44 passes, there are going to be some drops. Ole Miss had a good plan on how to contain the speed of Anthony Schwartz, and they also did a good job on limiting the damage Seth Williams could do. The tight end was open all day, and Auburn did get the ball to Jay Jay Wilson a couple of times for big gains.

Quarterback: B. I counted off a letter grade for the lost fumble. Bo Nix missed a few throws, but not many. I thought outside of the fumble, he handled himself much better this week. He also had some good runs as well. Count me among those who worried every time Nix took off, considering that Auburn has only 1 other scholarship quarterback left on the roster.

This was the very definition of a trap game, this week. I tried to warn everyone that would listen that Auburn was in for a fight from a scrappy, well rested Ole Miss team. The Rebels fought hard, and acquitted themselves well.

I was a bit dismayed by the fans in this game, too. I follow the games on radio with headphones on, and you can really measure the crowd noise that way. There was little, in this game. I don’t think it was just the students. One thing to remember is that it is actually pretty rare to have Auburn home games with the temps down in the low 40s. Dressing for these sorts of games is a different challenge for fans, especially young students. What works fine for walking around campus at 40 degrees is different from what is necessary to be comfortable stuck in the stands for 3 hours at 40 degrees. Call it a learning experience.

Auburn has a bye week, and needs it to get folks back healthy. Georgia won in Jacksonville yesterday, and will come in looking to ice their division in a couple of weeks. I hope our offensive brain trust watched that game. Florida could do very little on the ground. If Auburn expects to try to run the ball at Georgia on first down with 4 wide receivers in the game, it will be a very long day in Jordan Hare Stadium. Here is hoping the 44 passes thrown against Ole Miss was a rehearsal for the Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry!

The post Auburn Survives Ole Miss. (Grading Auburn’s 20-14 win over Ole Miss.) appeared first on Track 'Em Tigers, Auburn's oldest and most read independent blog.

from Track 'Em Tigers, Auburn's oldest and most read independent blog http://trackemtigers.com/auburn-survives-ole-miss-grading-auburns-20-14-win-over-ole-miss/

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