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#aster hawke
vanilladella · 11 months
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they finally caught the captain and brought her to the gallows! oh yeah the champion was there too ig
[meme]
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jessicamarianasocs · 1 year
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rusirius967 · 6 months
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Reasons I'm alive rn
Things keeping me alive right now:
1. People r saying Natalia Dyer is currently beating up the Duffers because Talia Ryder got to kiss Maya Hawke and she didn’t.
2. Aster Flores x Ellie Chu content
3. People providing evidence that ronance is end game.
4. The lumax shippers :D
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eulcgizeme · 8 months
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OPEN TO: @stayliquid for lydia hawke MUSE: aster roth, thirty. actor / male lead. dylan o'brien fc. PLOT: wildest dreams (our version)
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The numbers didn't lie— there was no way Aster could find a way out of this contract without losing everything. Yet, every time he stood under the swelter of lights and had to take Lydia's hand, he believed it was worth everything as a means of giving it up. He dropped it from his grasp and turned to face the crew peeking through the shadows. "Absolutely not, I can't do this. This script is a shit show," Aster called out, cigarette that he was meant toss aside to kiss her brought to his lips instead. "In your wildest fucking dreams is that gonna happen."
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sadmages · 1 year
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Lying in my bed giggling kicking my legs twirling my hair thinking about how act 3 moustache hawke is falling apart at the seams
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mixedkid-matchup · 1 year
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Updated Comic Bracket! Round 1
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Disclaimer: yeah moving forward the reason Hiro Hamada and Artemis/Jade are in their animated series forms is because i'm using comic loosely as to mean based off of. i am changing raven and mark's picture best i can (i had a picture for raven but like all the pictures are. well you know what i mean.) but for hiro he's basically a different character and i'm not even sure if he's mixed in the comics he's based off of, and for the sisters i genuinely cannot find any comic pictures all that's coming up is the young justice series
anyways i'll upload them for tonight (Mar 28) at 5PM EST
Aster (The Witch Boy) VS. Pietro Maximoff
Miles Morales (Spider-Man) VS. Conner Hawke (Green Arrow)
Hiro Hamada (Big Hero 6) VS. Cassandra Cain (Batman Comics)
Damian Wayne & Thalia Al Ghul (Batman Comics) VS. Artemis Crock & Jade Nguyen (Young Justice)
Superboy/Conner Kent (DC) VS. Wallace West (DC Flash)
Sabrina Spellman (Sabrina the Teenage Witch) VS. Aquaman
Raven (Teen Titans) VS. Sam Alexander (Marvel's Champions)
Mark Grayson (Invincible) VS. Lian Harper (DC)
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norasilenthunter · 1 year
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new wife <3
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perfettamentechic · 6 months
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9 novembre … ricordiamo …
9 novembre … ricordiamo … #semprevivineiricordi #nomidaricordare #personaggiimportanti #perfettamentechic
2021: Roy Holder, Roy Trevor Holder, un attore britannico. Sposò Pauline Cox, truccatrice della BBC, con cui ebbe due figli. (n.1946) 2021: 2017: John Hillerman, John Benedict Hillerman, attore statunitense. (n. 1932) 2006: Marian Marsh, pseudonimo di Violet Krauth, attrice statunitense. (n. 1913) 2003: Art Carney, nome completo Arthur William Matthew Carney, attore statunitense. Interprete di…
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crossdressingdeath · 11 months
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I could change Tahel's name to Asterius. Fun "trapped monster" vibes. That's a thing I could do.
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vanilladella · 10 months
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post-all that remains
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jessicamarianasocs · 1 year
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selineram3421 · 1 month
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*new version of Alastor takes over the Internet* Hehe.
Cursed Cat Headcanons
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Curse Cat Alastor & Human Reader
Warnings ⚠
⚠ mentions of death, "normal" cat stuff ⚠
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You find a strange looking cat at the shelter.
The red creature was separated from the other cats and behind a heavy duty glass with multiple scratch marks.
"Can I interact with this one?", you asked.
"I don't think we are allowed to let that one out...", the worker says. "We're not even sure if its a cat."
You were also not sure as the little creature had antlers.
"Might have been dead this morning.", they mumbled but you caught it.
"Uh...ok.", you say, feeling a little put off how calmly the employee said that. "I'll take them."
And that's how you got a cat.
Once having the necessary items and a cat tower order placed, you bring the red cat home.
It sounds a bit angry. Growling, hissing, scratching and biting the inside of the cat carrier.
Maybe they didn't like small spaces..
Their first day was...something.
You ended up having to fix or toss out a lot of furniture.
They seemed to like sitting on top of your bookshelf. Often watching as you cleaned around the room or when you slept.
Kinda creepy. And you swore you saw their eyes glow once.
But other than the strange shadows and weird noises, you didn't have problems. In fact, they took care of the spiders and other pesky bugs that managed to get into your home.
Eventually, you tried to call them by names from a list that you made but they mostly ignored you whenever you tried.
It wasn't until you were watching Hazbin Hotel that the red cat perked up.
"I'm Alastor!", your favorite character introduced himself.
The red creature then hopped onto your coffee table and stared at you, effectively grabbing your attention.
"What is it?", you asked before noticing your T.V. glitch and loop.
"I'm Alastor!", it said again. "¡'m Al@$tør!", it started to distort. "Ĭ̢̜͝'m̬̟̑͗ Á̘͉̉l͈̯̾̀á̘͉̉s͚͈̭̦̈́̈̄͒t͙́ó͎̥͡ṙ̻!", the audio was getting worse and worse as it repeated. "ł'₥ ₳Ⱡ₳₴₮ØⱤ."
Glancing at your cat, you noticed it was grinning like the oh so famous cheshire cat.
"Uh..Alastor?", you said.
As soon as you called them the name, the episode continued to play regularly and your cat had its normal happy demeanor.
"Ok...", you paused the show and went to the kitchen for snacks. "I might have picked up a cursed cat."
After that, Alastor actually seemed to like you. No longer hissing or scratching you when you tried to pet them and sought you out for some cuddles.
Hehehehe..
You had to take him to the vet for a check up and well.. It turned out exactly how you expected it to. Also, you found out they were a he.
He was number one..of the worsts cats in the vet hospital's care. They had to order new gloves meant for hawks.
After that, you got him a little bow to match the character Alastor and he seemed to really enjoy it. Of course, the red cat was quite fluffy and only the bow part was visible.
The cat tower finally arrived and you set it up. It was mostly black, coming with a feather toy as well.
"Done!", you stepped back and smiled at the finished cat tower.
Of course, like any cat, Alastor was not amused. Sitting in the packaging box comfortably.
"You know what? I'm not even mad. I used to sit in boxes as a kid.", you said and cleaned up the bubble wrap.
Things were turning out pretty well. That is until your neighbor got a weird looking pet. Now you knew Alastor was strange but he looked like a cat. Whatever the neighbor has was something else.
It was black with blue and some red. Flat looking face and a strange tail.
Maybe it was an exotic animal?
You weren't sure but Alastor hated, HATED, them.
And you made sure not to walk your little furball when the other pet was out. Making that mistake once. Once being enough.
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I bestow upon ye cat Alastor!
~Seline, the person.
Taglist@
@c4rved-pumpk1n @scary-noodlesblog @stolas-thebirb @naelys-the-aster @biromanticboba @lbcreations-blog @ducky-died-inside @kiraisastay @pooplyface1423 @line-viper @117s-girl @spiderlegsling @alastorsgoldie @repentant-repeller @kcsketches @lofasofabread @kotaleee @im-coolrat @superzombiewho @speckle-meow-meow @jammcookie @dilucragnvindr-my-beloved @trashbin-nie @koioli @fatherlesschild2 @mmik3yy @just-here-reading @nealeart @hudiexiaoying @crystal-multiplefandomlover @glowinggoldfish0 @tiredgamerhere @fluffy-koalala @valenfawkes @willowshadenox @aria-tempest @alastor-simp @willowaudreykeyes @+?
ML II for Alastor🎙️
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greenwitchcrafts · 8 months
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September 2023 witch guide
September 2023 witch guide
Full moon: September 29th
New moon: September 14th
Sabbats: Mabon September 23rd
September Harvest Moon
Also known as: Autumn moon, falling leaves moon, song moon, leaves turning moon, moon of brown leaves, yellow leaf moon, wine moon & Full corn moon
Element: Earth
Zodiac: Virgon& Libra
Animal spirits: Trooping Faeries
Deities: Brigid, Ceres, Ch'ang-o, Demeter, Freya, Isis & Vesta
Animals: Jackal & snake
Birds: Ibis & sparrow
Trees: Bay, hawthorn, hazel & larch
Herbs/plants: Copal, fennel, rye, skullcap, valerian, wheat & witch hazel
Flowers: Lily & Narcissus
Scents: Bergamot, gardenia, mastic & storax
Stones: Bloodstone, chrysolite, citrine, olivine, peridot & sapphire
Colors: Browns, dark blue, greens & yellows ( Earth tones)
Energy: Balance of light & dark, dietary matters, employment, health, intellectual pursuits, prosperity, psychism, rest, spirituality, success & work environments. Also cleaning & straightening mentally, physically & spiritually.
Technically, the Harvest Moon is the Full Moon closest to the September equinox around September 21st. The Harvest Moon is the only Full Moon name determined by the equinox rather than a month. Most years, it’s in September, but around every three years, it falls in October.
In September, the Full Moon is the Corn Moon from the Native American tribes harvesting their corn. It can also be the Harvest Moon, which corresponds with the Anglo-Saxon name, while Celtic and Old English names are Wine Moon, Song Moon, and Barley Moon.
Mabon
Also known as: Autumn Equinox, Cornucopia, Witch's Thanksgiving & Alban Elved
Season: Fall
Symbols: Acorns, apples, autumn leaves, berries, corn, cornucopia (horn of plenty), dried seeds, gourds, grains, grapes, ivy, pine cones, pomegranates, vines, wheat, white roses & wine
Colors: Blue brown, drk red, deep gold, gold, indigo, lead green, maroon, orange, red, russet, violet & yellow
Oils/incense: Apple, apple blossom, benzoin, black pepper, hay/straw, myrrh, passion flower, patchouli, pine, red poppy & sage
Animals: Dog, goose, hawk, swan, swallow & wolf
Stones: Agate, amethyst, carnelian, lapis lazuli, sapphire, yellow Agate  & yellow topaz
Foods: Apples, blackberries, blackberry wine, bread, carrots, cider, corn, cornbread, grapes, heather wine, nuts, onions, pomegranates, potatoes, squash, vegetables, wheat & winw
Herbs/plants: Acorn, benzoin, cedar, corn, cypress, ferns, grains, hazel, hops, ivy, myrrh, oak, pine, sage, sassafras, Salomon's seal, thistle, tobacco & wheat
Flowers: Aster, heather, honeysuckle, marigold, milkweed, mum,passion flower& rose
Goddesses: Danu, Epona, Modron, Morrigan, Muses, Pomona, Persephone, Sophia & Sura
Gods: Esus, Green Man, Hermes, Mabon, Mannanan, Toth & Thor
Issues, Intentions & Powers: Accomplishment, agriculture, balance, goals, gratitude & grounding
Spellworks: Balance, harmony, protection, prosperity, security & self confidence
Related festivals:
• Sukkot- is a Torah-commanded holiday celebrated for seven days, beginning on the 15th day of the month of Tishrei. It is one of the Three Pilgrimage Festivals (Hebrew: שלוש רגלים, shalosh regalim) on which those Israelites who could were commanded to make a pilgrimage to the Temple in Jerusalem. In addition to its harvest roots, the holiday also holds spiritual importance with regard to its abandonment of materialism to focus on nationhood, spirituality, and hospitality, this principle underlying the construction of a temporary, almost nomadic, structure of a sukkah.
• Mid-Autumn festival- also known as the Moon Festival or Mooncake Festival, is a traditional festival celebrated in Chinese culture. Similar holidays are celebrated by other cultures in East & Southeast Asia. It is one of the most important holidays in Chinese culture; its popularity is on par with that of Chinese New Year. The history of the Mid-Autumn Festival dates back over 3,000 years. The festival is held on the 15th day of the 8th month of the Chinese lunisolar lunisolar calendar with a full moon at night, corresponding to mid-September to early October of the Gregorian calendar. On this day, the Chinese believe that the Moon is at its brightest and fullest size, coinciding with harvest time in the middle of Autumn.
• Thanksgiving- This is a secular holiday which is similar to the cell of Mabon; A day to give thanks for the food & blessings of the previous year. The American Thanksgiving is the last Thursday of November while the Canadian Thanksgiving is celebrated in October
• Festival of Dionysus- There were several festivals that honored Dionysus, the God of wine. It was a time of fun, games, feasting & drinking wine.
Activities:
•Scatter offerings in a harvested fields, Offer libations to trees
• Decorate your home and/or altar space for fall
• Bake bread
• Perform a ritual to restore balance and harmony to your life
• Cleanse your home of negative energies
• Pick apples
• Have a dinner or feast with your family and/or friends
• Set intentions for the upcoming year
• Purge what is no longer serving you
•Take a walk in the woods
• Enjoy a pumpkin spice latte
• Donate to your local food bank
• Gather dried herbs, plants, seeds & pods
• Learn something new
• Make wine
• Brew an apple cinnamon simmer pot
• Create an outdoor Mabon altar
•Adorn burial sites with leaves, acorns, & pinecones to honor those who have passed over & visit their graves
Many cultures see the second harvest (after the first harvest Lammas) and equinox as a time for giving thanks. This time of year is when farmers know how well their summer crops did, and how well fed their animals have become. This determines whether you and your family would have enough food for the winter. That is why people used to give thanks around this time, thanks for their crops, and animals, and food. 
The name Mabon comes from the Welsh God, who was the son of the Earth Mother Goddess. However, there is evidence that the name was adopted in the 1970s, and the holiday was not originally a Celtic celebration.
Some believe Night and day are of equal legth and the God's energy & strength are nearly gone . The Goddess begins to mourn the loss she knows is coming, but knows he will return when he reborn at Yule.
Sources:
Farmersalmanac .com
Wikipedia
Llewellyn's Complete Book of Correspondences by Sandra Kines
A Witch's Book of Correspondences by Viktorija Briggs
Mabon: Rituals, Recipes & Lore for the Autumn Equinox Llewellyn's Sabbat Essentials
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wri0thesley · 1 year
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cw: yandere.
Barbatos and Rex Lapis cannot agree who you really belong to. The problem with godhood is thus; neither of them wishes to be outdone.
Your parents had not been able to agree where to raise you.
In those quiet years after the Archon Wars, when Teyvat was settling down, your mother and father had both argued for their side. Your mother, a Mondstadt native and a poetess, had spoken at length about the freedom of her land and the possibilities that Barbatos would lay out for you on fertile ground. Your father, a staid Liyuean farmer, had pointed to Rex Lapis's stolid and steadfast contracts, and the promise of a land that would build itself on wealth and commerce. A fortune, perhaps made for you.
In the end, though, they had built their little home skirting the boundaries of both. You had grown up worshiping your father's and your mother's gods, happy to have your family, happy to be in a time of peace. When they had passed away, you had seen no reason to choose to honour one over the other - you thought yourself blessed by both. The wind, just bold and abundant enough to play with your hair and tickle lightly across your skin, to make the Windwheel Asters in your garden spin. The rocks and bricks of your home and the cliffs that towered beside it unmoving and unchanging, an impenetrable fortress. You left out wine for Barbatos just as often as you left out pretty stones you thought Rex Lapis would appreciate, perfumes and oils for the warrior god who protected a homeland you have begun to think of as half your own.
You think yourself above notice. A humble denizen of Mondstadt-and-Liyue, your little house a haven for travellers between the two who need a moment to rest. Perhaps they need their flask filled once more, a bite to eat on their arduous journey, company and talk after lonely days of walking alone. You strive to be a good person. Someone worthy of the charmed life you feel yourself to be living. You do not ask for much - but what you have, you have in happy handfuls.
You thank the archons for their blessings - devout, and grateful, and lovely . . . and the Archons take notice.
Not that you realise they do.
But your crops grow bountiful and storms do not batter at your doors and windows, and any who may think to do you harm - bandits or monsters alike - never seem to make it into your line of sight, much less to your door. You grow familiar with those who traverse from Liyue to Mondstadt often - those who have business between the two, those who visit their friends and their family. You know the drivers of the carriages and carts that take freshly caught boar from Springvale to Liyue Harbour's exclusive restaurants. You know the merchants carrying their cor lapis, carved in exquisite pendants, hoping to hawk their wares in Mondstadt too--
You know the handsome bard with the twin braids and the roguish smile, who plays you your favourite song in exchange for an apple and lingers with you just a little too long to be decent, elegant fingers plucking absent-mindedly at his lyre when his eyes flicker over your face. You know the melodic cadence of his voice - and you know, too, whenever you ask him to play a Liyuean ballad your father had loved, he laughs and shakes his head.
"But this is Mondstadt," he says to you, a smile on his face. "Let me play you something more romantic!"
You know the serious gentleman who sometimes strolls past your humble cottage with his nose in a book. He tells you that he is on his way to visit a . . . friend, in Mondstadt. He is unfailingly polite when he asks if he may rest a while - and he repays your freshly brewed tea and home-cooked treats with stories, told in a low, soothing voice that feels like waves lapping upon a shore.
His stories make you wonder if he was really there. He looks a mortal man - though a handsome one, with a sculpted face and sharp cheekbones and eyes the colour of warm amber - but he speaks like someone who has seen the world go by and expects to see even more of it. He tells you about beautiful things and terrible things, folklore and history wrapped up in velvet voice and dulcet tone--
But when you ask him to tell you a story you once heard, a fairy tale from Mondstadt . . . he shakes his head at you. The smallest smile tugs at the corners of his lips.
"This is Liyuean ground," he says to you, voice like water rushing over river stones until they have worn smooth. "I don't know many stories about Mondstadt."
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Barbatos and Rex Lapis cannot agree.
"It is my wind that feeds their crops," says Barbatos, over wine, a sly smile on his face. "They grow dandelions in their garden." The delicate fingers and pretty face do not at all bely the steel that lays beneath his clothing, the tricksy words of a bard who knows how to get what he wants. Barbatos thinks of your mouth, sweet as dandelion wine. He wonders what your voice would sound like, pitching in pleasure.
"And my land that builds their home," says Rex Lapis, voice low and dangerous, knife-edged. The gentleman Zhongli is gone for this meeting of minds; a crown of golden horns wreaths Rex Lapis's head, his teeth as sharp as his words. "Stones of Liyue that keep them safe."
Rex Lapis thinks of your fingers, and how they would feel curled into his hair. How small and delicate you would be beneath him; a treasure to be picked over, to be admired, to be cherished - a precious thing indeed.
"The war is over," Barbatos reminds him, with a laugh. "We ought not fight now, old friend."
"Who says we are fighting?" Rex Lapis asks. He raises his own glass to his lips and takes a slow sip. He does not take his amber eyes away from the Anemo Archon for a moment - nothing is fair in love, and nothing is fair in war. Rex Lapis intends to have both.
"They're not some spoils to be claimed," Barbatos replies, and winks at his old friend. "Come, let's not fight over them."
"You say that only because you know you would be outmatched in battle."
Barbatos is usually able to take such barbs to his pride. But the thought of you . . . ah. He has, perhaps, let you invade too many of his senses. Let the ghost of you walk beside him when he strolls his land and watches his people from afar - come to look forward to the delight on your face when he plays you a pretty tune, the way you proffer only your shiniest, reddest apples even without knowing his true providence.
He should have taken you when he had the chance; spirited you away to some favourite green corner of Mondstadt to be his forever and always. Where he could watch you and sing for you and take you for his. Would you say no to being lover of a god?
Rex Lapis watches the flicker of his old friend's eyes. He thinks about you. Wishes, when he had the chance, he had claimed you - as a dragon would claim treasure. You are too rare and precious a thing to be left alone - even Barbatos has seen through his drunken haze to the vein of pure gold that runs through your heart.
He wishes he had taken you himself. Captured you in some adeptal abode, where time will not touch you - where only he can go. Where you will come to long for his voice and the touch of his clever fingers and his hands upon you.
If your home had not straddled the boundary . . . would they even have wanted you? If you were firmly in Mondstadt, would you have even caught Rex Lapis's notice? If you were in Liyue proper, would Barbatos have ever taken time to play you a song?
It does not matter.
Gods are proud creatures, and you are an enigma. A mystery to be unlocked, a riddle to be solved, a prize to be won and jealously guarded. Nothing is more of a frustration than a thing that does not seem to fit. It does not matter that you are a person and not a chess piece when the players have divinity on their side, and both want you for their own.
They clink wine glasses and smile at one another, but inside they are planning and planning and planning.
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mousetoe-wc · 7 months
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I Got bored one time awhile ago and made a list of every prefix plus some into organised sections so I thought I might as well share.
All the ones that aren’t cannon to warriors, yet at lest are bold
Describing names
Colours: red, russet, copper, golden, amber, yellow, green, blue, violet, pink, white, gray, black, ebony, dark, pale, silver, brown, tawny, fallow
Pattern, Texture + Size: spot/ted, dapple, speckle, freckle, brindle, patch, mottle, ragged, tangle, kink, bristle, fuzzy, curl/y, wooly, soft, sleek, little, tiny, small, slight, short, tall, long, big, heavy, crooked, broken, half, stumpy, shred, torn, jagged
Actions + Character: flip, pounce, bounce, jump, hop, crouch, down, low, drift, flail, strike, running, fidget, mumble, whistle, snap, sneeze, shiver/ing, shining, flutter, fallen, lost, rush, fleet, quick, shy, sweet, brave, loud, quiet, wild, hope, wish,
Other: claw, whisker, dead, odd, one, spike, fringe, echo, song, hallow, haven
Elements
Time + Weather: day, night, dusk, dawn, morning, sky, sun/ny, moon, storm, lightning, thunder, cloud/y, mist/y, fog, snow, blizzard, ice, frost, dew, drizzle, rain, clear, wind, breeze, gale, shadow, shade, bright, light,
Earth/Water/Fire names: stone, rock, boulder, slate, flint, pebble, gravel, sand/y, dust, mud/dy, meadow, hill, rubble, river, ripple, whorl, float, rapid, shimmer, lake, swamp, marsh, wave, wet, bubbling, splash, puddle, pool, creek, fire, flame, flicker, flash, blaze, scorch, ember, spark, ash, soot, cinder, smoke
Plants
Trees: alder, aspen, birch, beech, cedar, cypress, pine, elm, willow, oak, larch, maple, bay, rowan, timber, bark, log, wood, twig, acorn, cone, seed, spire
Berry/Nut/Fruit/Herb: juniper, elder, sloe, holly, yew, mistle, bramble, hickory, hazel, chestnut, nut, apple, cherry, cranberry, olive, pear, plum, peach, chive, mint, fennel, sage, basil, mallow, parsley
Flowers: aster, poppy, primrose, rose, bluebell, marigold, tansy, pansy, briar, cherry, daisy, dandelion, daffodil, tulip, violet, lily, myrtle, thrift, yarrow, heather, lavender, blossom, bloom, flower, petal
Other: leaf, frond, fern, bracken, sorrel, hay, rye, oat, wheat, cotton, reed, pod, cinnamon, milkweed, grass, clover, weed, stem, sedge, gorse, furze, flax, nettle, thistle, ivy, moss, lichen, bush, vine, root, thorn, prickle, nectar
Animals
Mammals: mouse, rat, mole, vole, shrew, squirrel, hedgehog, bat, rabbit, hare, ferret, weasel, stoat, mink, marten, otter, hog, wolf, hound, fox, vixen, badger, deer, doe, stag, fawn, sheep, cow, pig, lion, tiger, leopard, lynx, milk
Birds: robin, jay, cardinal, thrush, sparrow, swallow, shrike, starling, rook, swift, dove, pigeon, crow, raven, duck, goose, heron, wren, finch, swan, stork, quail, gull, lark, owl, eagle, hawk, kestrel, buzzard, kite, hoot, feather, bird, egg, talon
Fish, Reptiles + Amphibians: pike, perch, pollack, trout, tench, cod, carp, bass, bream, eel, minnow, fin, snake, adder, lizard, turtle, frog, toad, newt
Bug type Names: bug, lady or ladybug, moth, spider, ant, snail, slug, beetle, bee, wasp, dragon or dragonfly, bumble, worm, maggot, cricket, fly, midge, web, honey
Skyclan + Warriorclan: Bella, Billy, Big, Harry, Harvey, Snook, Ebony, Monkey
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possibilistfanfiction · 9 months
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Solid
[nowhere near done in any way that will eventually go into smth longer lol but a little florist/tattooist au softness in celebration of three (3)! movies :) ]
//
'will you tell me about it?' ava asks, then runs a finger, feather light, along your arm. 'your garden?'
you hum, roll over a little so you can see her better in the moonlight. the willamette is calm out the window, even during the storm, glinting with the lights of the city, the bridge, the hush of february snow. it's warm, underneath your covers in maybe the first real home you've ever had — or, at least, the first you've made for yourself.
it's heavy, the insurmountable grief that sits, even among the flowers, ava's gentle fingers, her forever broken spine: parents who didn't love you, even though they should have; parents who couldn't love you, even though they wanted to. but here it is, the quiet, the hum of a different kind of wanting. and so you tell her: the doubled-flowering chrysanthemum; the lotus and the plum blossom and tallow. field maple and wood anemone; the silver y moth and rose chafer. a water deer above your elbow, a hawk's wing along the jut of your wrist. to fill in gaps, just as you do now, hands in soil: yarrow, goldenrod, milkweed.
ava listens with wide, attentive eyes and the softest smile, encouraging you when your voice gets caught in your chest when you tell her about the asters in switzerland, or the way your brother used to press tender ferns between pages of his favorite mystery novels for you to find when you read them after him, and your grandmother's jasmine, steeped carefully into tea she swore could cure any ailment. you finish, let ava still at the space left blank on the underside of your wrist — two tethered marrowbones and countless others floating; the blue of your veins a lie — red, if you were to investigate under your skin — or a breath, anyway. and she waits, lungs easy, the wind howling outside and the bed warm, ava's palm solid against the ink.
'don't laugh—'
'—me? i would never—'
'i want a honeybee, to finish everything.'
there's fond mirth in her smile, but none of it cruel. 'i love that.'
it sounds a lot like something else, sounds a lot like i love you, and it sits at the tip of your tongue but you are not yet brave. instead: 'one day, will you do it for me?'
she lifts your wrist and kisses there, a promise of many, many things: years stretching before you; trips to the gorge; the break of the waves on the coast in the spring. 'i would be really honored.'
it's overwhelming, to be seen, so you tuck yourself into the crook of her neck and she brings her arms around you, allows you this cave where nothing can touch you — your thin ribcages strong and whole, jaws that never clench in fear, the warm salt of tears a footnote, a blessing.
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