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ghostbsuter · 8 months

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Honestly, when bart came back to the past for his mission, he didn't expect to see one of his friends he left behind.

So excuse him for standing still and gaping like an idiot at the clearly looking teenager on his phone.

"Danny?!"

At the call, the stranger– his bestie— looked up.

"Bart!"

It is his friend.

The same black haired, too blue eyed teen with baby fat clinging to his cheeks, the same way his hair appears white and eyes green when unfocused and not paying attention.

Holy shit.

"How are you in the 21st century?!?!"

The boy merely blinks, looks down on his phone, and then looks up again.

"I should be asking you that! How are you here??"

"Timetravel duh! What's your excuse?!"

"I'm immortal???"

(It's similar to the spiderman meme, truly.)

(Bart is slightly glad none of his teammates or mentor or family members are here.)

—

It became somewhat of a game for them.

Everytime the speedster appeared in a different year, hell even universe for the kicks, the first thing he does is search for Danny.

(The teen is there, each time.)

And every time he succeeded, Danny helps him with the problem, or slightly nudges him to the path really.

(Each time bart worries less for the time stream and disturbances, his friend seems to be outside of it to truly bring harm.)

(And if he meets Clockwork along the way, that's a secret between them. And the part where he gets hired for the similar stuff danny gets sent to the past.)

(For them it's a casual Wednesday. So what if they just saved an entire planet? Its nothing big!)

—

Bart should have thought more over the decision to help the literal being of time itself.

Considering he is currently seated on a chair, Barry, Wally and dozen of other heroes (including his team standing behind him in an effort to show their support.) With demands of an explanation.

Damn it danny, why did you let those in the 13th century paint a portrait of them!!!

And the apparent ancient Egyptian art of them too?? In a museum??

What the hell danny!!! Way to throw him under the bus!!

#dcxdp #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc #fic prompt #writing prompt #dc impulse #this is a bart and danny collab folks #danny: that.universe is weak.if they could get destroyed by a mere butterfly effect #bart: im not saying ur wrong but we were sent here to literally stop that #danny: aw man #bart: but yeah ur totally right #morally gray danny and bart my beloved #this is literally #time traveler and immortal guy

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kidflashimpulse · 1 year

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that one post about Don and how similar Bart is in attitude ... obsessed with how much like BOTH his parents Bart is. exactly like his mom in looks and super similar otherwise, and then so much of his personality comes from his dad as well (Meloni and Don are like. a BIT softer in personality then Bart is, i'd say?). also think it's cool how despite never getting to see Don and Meloni interact, just through observing them as individual characters i'm like "yeah i can see why you fell in love"

there’s nothing more satisfying than receiving an ask that hits what i think/feel RIGHT ON THE HEAD like uve phrased this perfectly anon

i assume ur talking about this post (tumblr pls work with me and let the link work lol)

like it’s so easy to talk about his similarities with his mom cause of their looks and personality (i.e everything LOL) but there r so many (well relative to the microscopic media appearances of the tornado twins) comic instances where Don is written with attitude and a vibe that it’s just like u said obviously meloni fell for this guy and vice versa it just makes perfect sense sjsjsj

and that bit about meloni and don being “softer” in personality than bart is so spot on like it’s such a fine detail but smn i 100% agree with and have always felt i just love how others can share the same sentiment like this despite it not being commonly acknowledged

and ofcourse i totally extend this to my HCs of bart’s background in YJ animated, like i feel like it could easily hold up there too 😁

thank u for sharing this with us 😙

p.s i feel like the tornado twins brand which is very much twin based gives me the whole partners in crime mischievous siblings type personality, so both dawn and don r quite similar in a lot of things ofc both with strong attitudes lol

#yj asks #bart allen #meloni thawne #don allen #tornado twins #impulse #young justice #kid flash #yj #yja #young justice animated #dawn allen #flash family #flash fam #saveearth16

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youngbloodlisk · 2 years

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9-1-1 and Lone Star reactions (2 days late cause i was so busy this week)

5/11/22 (aired 5/9/22)

9-1-1 (Hero Complex)

GUILLOTINES ARE COOL AS HELL actually

banger music man

captions just said "Young Jonah" YO? Okay

oh my god yeah i just remembered how last week's episode ended OH MY GOD IM SO EXCITED

god corinne massiah is so pretty

"Feels like it should be somebody's fault" and judging by the preview for this episode last week i'm gonna guess it is !

chim and hen my fave bffs i wanna be their friend

OH THE SPIDER GUY OH YEAH...... oh my goddd

UGH I MISSED THESE TWO TOGETHER when chim wasn't on the show while he was looking for maddie i missed him and hen being the best friends EVER soooooo much

no I'm never gonna not mention the chemistry and tension between eddie and buck Sorry

PRE LONE STAR COMMENT CAN I PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET SOME MARJAN THIS EPISODE I FUCKING MISS MY GIRLFRIEND....,,,.....back to 9-1-1

wait wtf is bobby's password rewind

NashBby_118 i mean okay but- Yeah. Okay

chim wiping the desk of prints with his sleeve is so funny

"You're a terrible liar."

"And you're too good." LMAO

chim and hen are so funny

"They never start with murder."

"I'm sorry, Pat, I'm gonna need to buy a vowel."

THEYRE SO FUNNY I LOVE THEM 10/10 comfort characters right here

this is such an interesting plotline I love it

no cause honestly? go off eddie speak the truth good job

taylor annoys me more every goddamn episode!!!

please tell me she runs the story and buck gets rightfully pissed and he dumps her PLEASE I WANT TAYLOR OUT OF HERE

wait but that would probably lead to buck and lucy being a thing. nvm there's no win here

OHMYGOD HEN

CHIM?? OH NONONONONO

Stop Oh no no no no

i always forget that kenneth choi has 사랑 tattooed on his chest but i love it every time i see it the font looks so pretty

this guy is so unbelievably psychotic my god

yes chim YES CHIMNEY YES

GO HOWARD

okay actually crying i love these two

BEAT HIS ASS BOBBY

taylor you BITCH.......

chim sucking down a capri-sun yes sir!

"You're the best friend I've ever had, Chim, and I can't imagine my life without you."

"And you're never gonna have to."

cue the waterfalls from my eyes

9-1-1: Lone Star (Spring Cleaning)

okay the ad before the episode is playing. cmon marjan give me marjan please even just a little bit of marjan. please let this episode have some marjan

oh i have a bad feeling abt this trash chute.

oh no no no Oh no dude don't do that- and down he goes

MARJANNNNNNNNN MY LOVEEEEEEEE

one second of her beautiful voice and i am a happy person

OH GOD OH NO THE COMPACTOR?

mateo with the fix thank god love him

OH MY FUCKING GOD IS THAT COACH BOLTON.

BART JOHNSON?? It says 2 episodes on IMDB did i just totally MISS him being in another episode idk whatever IM SO EXCITED BART YOU KING HI

nANCY? can i call this wlw erasure cause she's so absolutely a lesbian (im playing around dont jump me)

mateo ✨avoiding✨

CATANNNNN great game. Great game

damn maybe if mateo and nancy communicated like couples should do idk

tommy???? goddamn???? alright maam go off

catan IS spicy tk you're so right

oh this is already terrifying my anxiety is already through the roof this seems like a bad bad bad situation

OH NO ITS IN NEUTRAL oh my god

"Hulk smash." MATEO 😭

oh that was so clever. getting him arrested that was so clever thank god

wtf why is he getting picked on for dressing nice 😭 better to be overdressed than underdressed ur not too good for a suit man cmon

i need to kiss marjan on the mouth

HELP THEYRE ALL LIKE didn't see that coming uhhh

this is so sweet

"coffee" yeah okay go on go bang it out

julius is sweet :(((((

judd what on earth are you abt to do.

oh bad feeling. gas leak + judd in the elevator ? Sounds like a recipe for a stuck elevator?

THE BUIKDING JSTFUCKINGGG COLLAPSED okay so I was a LITTLE UNDERESTIMATING THIS CLIFFHANGER.... WOW

goddamn

Final Comments

right okay so next week's gonna be a fun week i am excited

i got to see two of my favorite things:

- chim and hen being the iconic duo they are

- marjan

good week of 9-1-1 for me !

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anothertimdrakestan · 4 years

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Kissing The YJ Boys In The Rain HC

part one w the batboys!

you guys loved the batfam and req'd yj boys so here they are!!! also i wrote this at 1am so if it's rough let me have it. i hope y'all enjoy hehehe!!!

Wally West:

- out on a date with wally you tend to lose track of time, and this happened again when you were both sat in a 24hour cafe joking and flirting over various desserts when you finally remembered to check the clock, almost 20 minutes past the time you needed to be home

- as you chided yourself for again having to much fun wally paid for the food and the two of you sped to your home

- as soon as he was stopped you were waving goodbye and rushing towards your door when another flash of yellow zipped in front of you

- "goodbye kiss?" he asked with puppy dog eyes while you shook your head

- "wally i'm late, it's raining, and i can kiss you whoever i want" you answered, but he didn't like it

- in less than a second you were pulled into his embrace while you rolled your eyes into the kiss, quickly shutting them when his hand tilted your chin up to deepen the kiss you almost melted into the moment when you remembered the time

- pulling away you scrunched your nose at wally who stole one last speedy peck before winking and speeding off, leaving you standing at your doorstep, lips swollen, hair wet, and heart full. plus, in your hands was one of his sweatshirts with a little note saying "in exchange for the cold and rainy kiss, yours always, the sexiest man alive"

Conner Kent:

- i can't explain why, but i just know that a kiss in the rain with conner is an apology kiss, hear me out:

- mad at him for being overprotective and hiding the truth from you, you were sat at your window watching the rain fall trying to curse his name but realizing how much you needed, and above all loved him, like no one else

- completely zoned out you were shocked into reality by a familiar knock on your window

- opening it up a soggy superboy flew in, even soaked he looked rugged and handsome but it was his apologetic look that drew you in first

- "y/n i'm so sorry. you were right i should've told you because you're my person, the one person on this planet who i can go to for anything and i should've known that- i do know that now and i just hope you'll take me back and accept my apology- OOMPH"

- you cut him off by flinging your arms around him, just happy he realized what was wrong and apologized like a functioning being

- when your lips connected to his you could feel him smiling into the kiss, little droplets of water from his hair dropped into your face while you open window let in more raindrops to try to soak you, but it didn't matter when you finally had the love of your life back in your arms

- you got a cold from it, but the kiss was worth it because your kids are gonna love the epic rain kiss story that gets more dramatic every time you retell it ;)

Gar Logan:

- on a day out with gar you guys decided to go for a hike to get away from the city and life itself and just be the two of you authentically together

- the day was filled with laughter and teasing and smiles and ended perfectly resting on a hilly part of the hike where you could see the city skyline

- when it started to rain gar pouted and offered to take you home all sad that the date was ruined

- "the rain isn't so bad when i've got you to warm me up babe" you teased, letting your eyes flit down to his lips when he got the message

- "noted babe, lemme help warm you up!" he winked with a toothy grin leaning in as his lips connected with yours

- kissing gar makes the world melt away, the only feeling you can register is his lips meshing against yours and his eyelashes lightlying brushing your cheek when he leans a certain way, the sensation of kissing gar erases any cold or wetness as you're completely enveloped in his warmth

Bart Allen:

- it had been the worst week ever, bart had left for a mission with the team and was supposed to be back 3 days ago but their unit hadn't been heard from and you were a nervous wreck checking your phone every two seconds bart had about 20 messages from you begging him to reply while you tried to go about your day

- until robin called you while you out trying to clear your head "y/n! you'll never believe it but they're all safe and fine and-"

- "ya miss me?" you whipped around, and there with his arm in a cast and a swollen eye was bart allen, in a millisecond he was hugging you as tight as he could, you finally let go of the breath it felt like you'd been holding in for days at the smell of his shampoo and the familiar feeling of wrapping your arms around him

- it was a sight to see really, two people embracing in the middle of the street while the rain started to fall, holding each other for what might've seemed like uncomfortably long but for the two of you wasn't even close to long enough

- pulling apart you checked on his injuries even knowing he'd heal fine due to speedster abilities you wanted to know what he'd been up against. you met his green eyes again with a grin "of course i missed you dork i was terrified" you glared at him pretending to be upset

- "i mean duh i knew that doncha think i listened to all your messages on the way over here? i think the cutest one was when you-"

- "oh my god shut up and kiss me idiot" you cut him off, clutching either side of his shirt while you crashed his lips onto yours, finally feeling at home knowing your other half was now safe, revvilling in the feeling of his lips against yours for the first time in what felt like forever

- with a content sigh you took his good hand in yours and began to lead him home. "tell me what happened?" "totally babe! it was so crash- well until they totally moded my arm but them jaime did this cool thing-"

- yeah. it was good to have your boy back :)

i hope you liked it! tell me who ur fav was! ily!

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miss-choco-chips · 3 years

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Umm... I was wondering if you could Maybe do a follow up on your mini fic Last Line from dicks pov? It gave me alot of feelings and i would love to see the fallout?

Your work is really good! Its so cool how your brave enough to put pieces of yourself out there for other people!

Hey babe! Thank you for your kind words! It made me smile getting this, you are very sweet <3

I totally forgot about Last Line lol, but when I saw it reminded me that I actually wrote a bit more of it, both before and after the scene I posted. So, this isn’t exactly what you asked, but here’s some backstory and then the fallout!

---.---

Four years old, and he watches the red string on his finger pulled taunt towards the crying boy, the color of the thread well disguised among the red blood of the murdered acrobats.

Nine, and he watches from the shadows as it swings right and left, following Robin’s pirouettes from building to building. The thread, that usually goes a few feet before ‘vanishing’ from sight, was almost completely visible now, at such a short distance from the person holding onto its other end.

He’s on his twelve when he tries to explain to Dick the importance of him going back home. He wasn’t sure of his success, even though the older hero took him to the manor, because during his whole speech, Nightwing hadn’t looked up from the red joining them together. It wasn’t exactly how Tim wanted him to find out, but… Batman needed a Robin, and he was out of options.

At fourteen, he feels Kon’s hand clenching on his shoulder, as they both watch from the side how Nightwing swept Barbara off her feet and twisted her around, laughter falling from both their lips even as Dick thread’s end was pointing towards Tim. The third Robin didn’t turn to look at his best friend, didn’t meet Bart’s eyes or react to Cassie taking his hand on hers. He just made sure his face was perfectly devoid of any emotion when he muttered, low enough only a kryptonian would hear, ‘I wish it was any of you’.

(A few nights later, when he and Conner were sitting quietly on the Tower’s roof, the clone took Tim’s hand with his own, his lack of red string blatantly obvious as he said ‘If I had any, I wish it could be you’. To this day, it’s the sweetest thing anyone ever said to him)

He is so, so tired, and he’s only sixteen. But keeping up with the shitfest that was the Battle for the Cowl, helping Dick while ignoring his red string (pulling him towards Nightwing, now Batman, stark contrast against the dark of his suit, with distracting insistency), dealing with Damian’s abuse as expected of him as the ‘mature, older brother’, coping with Bruce’s death, the shock of Dick throwing him, his soulmate, away so so easily…

(Shouldn't be surprising; Dick had been discarding him in favor of others since they met, shamelessly displaying his various relationships in front of him with an attitude that might be called cruel from anyone else but that just earned him playful shoves from other Leaguers while Tim was expected to swallow his pain, because a red string isn’t a promise, Dick is free… and yes, he knows that, but it doesn’t mean shit to his dying heart)

(Maybe, when he left for proof of Bruce being alive, it wasn’t so much for his old mentor than it was for himself)

----.----

Tim is seventeen and halfway across the world, looking at the string attached to his hand that never truly meant anything to any other than him (not to Bruce, who never took Dick aside and talked to him about consideration with his soul mate; not Dick's conquers, who never gave a fuck about the red string in the hands that touched their skin, even when a lot of them knew who was on the other end of it; not Dick himself, who after asking every thing out of Tim and having it, forcefully took the one thing Tim wouldn't give by choice and claimed Tim was his equal, his soulmate, so he never could be his sidekick... even if it was the first time ever that Dick even mentioned the string tying them both together), when he thinks 'you were always free; now, I'm freeing myself’.

He gingerly bites on the string, and with his other hand takes a handful of it and pulls.

The pain piercing his heart is expected, but not new. He had been feeling it since the first time he saw Dick's back as he walked away with someone else.

He times it carefully, too. He doesn't think Dick would care, but just in case, Tim waits until it's morning in Gotham, when he's sure Dick is probably sleeping after patrol.

Maybe he would wake up without noticing

---.---

In Gotham, Dick is carried by Alfred and Damian to the cave, when the new Batman's screams of pain woke everyone in the Manor up. They are suspecting cardiac arrest, and then Dick looks down to his hand and notices the string, always tense, signaling him where his north is, where Tim is, laying loose and lifeless.

He panics, asks Superman to track Tim down or something, and when the man confirms Tim is still alive somewhere in the Middle East, he knows.

And like a freight train, the parting words Kori told him the last time they saw each other hit him right in the chest.

"He isn't going to wait for you forever"

----.-----

When Tim does come back, at nineteen, it’s a quiet thing.

He spent the last how many days carefully setting his systems up, making sure his mainframe would outstand Oracle’s scrutiny when she realized he was back in town and tried to hack her way into his life.

(He didn’t blame her, of course not. Dick was charming enough, good enough, anyone he set his eyes into would be helpless to nothing but fall in his arms.

And, wasn’t Tim the one who would have been intruding, had he tried to chase after the first Robin? Everyone knew he and the original Batgirl were a perfect match, thousands of times better than Tim, whom Fate just wanted to screw over.

But not anymore)

The first thing he did, once the safe houses were chosen and his programs up and running, was to ruthlessly hack into the Batcomputer and take a look at patrol routes.

He would need to keep clear of Diamond District and Old Gotham, least he risked crossing paths with B and R. The Financial and City Hall Districts were apparently Batgirl’s playground for the night, and if he wanted to drop by and let Cass know he was back, he could always search for her by the Upper West Side down to Chinatown.

He would avoid the Upper East Side like the plague, though. Maybe Coventry too, just to be safe. Lots of skintight blue in that direction.

Which left… Crime Alley, the Bowery and Burnley, mainly. He needn't check to know who’s house that was.

And that’s how he ended, on his very first night back on the streets, dragging Red Hood’s bleeding ass away from a blowing up building.

-----.-----

Apparently, saving a recently rehabilitated murderous vigilante was a bonding experience, because Jason didn’t kick him out of his side of town, nor tell on him.

He couldn't, however, do anything to prevent the criminal gossip mile from spreading, and before a week had passed, half the city was aware of the new player on the board.

-----.------

Jason was taking a breather, smoking while sitting on his favorite rooftop, when the rustling sound of fabric told him his peace and quiet was over.

“I thought you were back at being N”, he greeted, not bothering to turn around or get up.

“B was out of town, and Robin needed someone to watch over him during patrol.”

A quick glance around had Hood snorting, “Then y’re doing a shitty job. Don’t see the midget anywhere.”

It would never NOT be weird to hear a strangled laugh coming out of the Bat suit, as tight and humorless as it was now. It seemed big ol Dick wasn’t doing so great tonight.

“Batgirl took him to a party in Diamond District. Gang war.”

He humms in response, not bothering to keep on the smalltalk. N, no, B was here for something, and it wasn’t Jason’s job to ask it out of him; if it was important, he would do it himself.

“Where is him, Hood?”, he finally went to the heart of the matter.

Jason tilted his head, still looking over his city, unmindful of the steps coming closer to his position, “Robin? Ya just said it, B. Going senile? Gang war, wasn’t it?”

“Don’t play around. You know I mean…”

Oh, yeah, Dickie still wasn’t sure what to call Timbo. Criminal gossip only went so far, for someone who didn’t bother to shout his hero name to everyone he beat up. It was very possible only Jason was aware of his new monicker. All gothamites knew was a young vigilante showed up recently, wearing red and black and hanging out with the Hood, which immediately upped his street rep to ‘not to be fucked with’.

“Lil red?”, he completed for his older brother, feeling both charitable and petty. Batman’s wince was more evident by the rustling sound of his cape; he had hit a sore spot, hadn’t he?

“Where? I’m not asking again.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m not answering. Must be ‘roundere somewhere, the little creep.”

“Hood, I’m running out of patience.”

“And I’m out of cigarettes, your point? I don’t have him on a leash asshole. We just share the same hunting space, it’s not like we go home together and do face masks while we talk about feelings.”

They did go to a safespot, though, and share beer and pizza while cursing their relatives and Fate as a whole, but it wasn’t necessary information for the fucker. He just breathed in the last of his smoke before dropping the cigarette butt and stepping on it, stretching as he did.

“Now, any more of this riveting conversation, or can I go? No, wait, it was a rhetorical question; get out of my part of town, ass. I’ve been plenty generous by letting you come this far, but our truce lasts as long as the lot of you don’t build any sandcastles on my playground and you know it. Now, scram.”

He could feel Dick’s reticence at leaving without what he came here for, but Oracle must be talking him into letting it be for tonight, because he didn't push. Jason turned just in the right moment to catch the way Dick looked down to his gloved hand, as if expecting the lifeless red string to be pulled taunt in Tim’s direction by some miracle. Jason felt the smallest ping of pity, quickly washed away by the memory of the younger hero’s haunted eyes as he told Jason the story of his severed soul bond and how he came to do it.

Thirty seconds after the bat vanished into the night, a little red bird landed softly on the spot next to him.

“Thanks, Hood”, he muttered, just as tired and hurting as he’d been ever since he saved Jason’s ass and they became partners, but with the smallest hint of lightness that made him prouder of driving Dick away than he’d ever been.

“Don’t mention it, but fair warning, the big B scomin back home in a few days, and he’s harder to kick out than a hurting, annoying bluebird.”

“I know”, Tim sighed, well aware of both facts. “I’ll play it by ear. For tonight, what about bashing some skulls and ruining Two Face’s new op? Good intel says it’s just a few blocks from here, and shattering bones always makes you smile.”

“Babybird, you speak the language of love.”

“Wasn’t that french?”

“I’m trying to compliment you, don’t be a smart ass about it.”

“I am smart, and I do have a good ass. That seems like an impossible request.”

----.----

#ask #last line #dicktim #but not #soulmate au #red string au #angst #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #red robin #nightwing #red hood #jason is a good bro #dick sucks as a soulmate #bruce is gonna be confused as fuck when he comes back #my writting #my writing

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whore4batfam · 7 years

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why im not a bad brother and why damian owes me a trix yogurt and why bruce also owes me a yogurt for keeping a secret from alfred and why alfred owes me a yogurt bc i had to deal with this mess and JEAN SHRIMPTON WANNABE CAN GET ME A SPOON

by Timmy D (and Kon stop labeling everything in the fridge as bird food it doesn’t stop Bart he literally ate dog food once because Cassie said it was high in nutrients which is true but also wth why would she say that in front of him when she KNOWS–)

RIGHT OKAY SO don’t ever let my family say i don’t do stuff for them BECAUSE I FRICKIN’ DO i not only gave up my last reeses cup for cass but i also sacrificed MY LIFE

i repeat, my L I F E

for the gremlin

okay so anyways it was my turn to patrol alone because hur dur dur mr. robin redbreast head was off being a bobbsey triplet and mr nightass was off world and cass and steph ANDF WHTEVER THE POINT IS that i was off to be a single man of wonder for the night which is. like. total win.

#1 right here

so im breaking up fights and skulking around like sherlock holmes / edgar allan bro because i say “CRIME BE NEVERMORE”

caw caw motherfucker red robin is here

so look the thing is penguin is a shit but a classy shit he wanna a lamborghini sip martinis and look hot in bikinis

SO HE WORK BITCH

(im sorry steph was studying for midterms and she marathoned britney from 1990 to present and she played that one like 8 times because her film 300 paper on Christoper Nolan (pffft) was due and we may ahve taken jello shots not sure)

back to the aquarium That I Have Not Mentioned Until This Point But I Was There. so Gotham aquarium is on drugs because they’re like “oh how nice a moray eel exhibit how could this go wrong?”

HOW COULD THIS GO WRONG IN THE MOST DANGEROUS CITY IN THE U.S. OF A

and moray eels are like expensive as fuck to transport and marine fish are becoming more and more protected by the Law so penguin was like “bitch i’ll just import it from my backyard”

and because im #1 i knew this thing that he would do because I’m a detective and i know things

look i’m not going to explain what happened but i did end up in the tank with the moray eels and here’s a science lesson kids:

moray eels live in tropical and subtropical seas and have a wide jaw with sharp teeth. this jaw enables them to grab onto their prey. Romans kept them in seaside pools bc Extra af and bravissimo taste

(so now we know why penguin wanted them yum yum social status)

moray eels generally do not attack humans unless provoked and

#1 man of wonder got a date with that beauty only the thing on the menu was ME

so i ditched bc im not steve irwin tho i wish i was

i nearly drown, break the lock but also coincidentally my hand, escape the tank, and save the day! WHOO!

#1 DOES IT AGAIN CAW CAW

cue approx 28 minutes later im at the manor after texting steph to patrol with a screenshot of britney’s “work bitch” music video bc my hand is shot like its p much shattered which haaahhhhhh not the plan but im cold and hungry and what i reallY REALLY want is a trix yogurt

sidenote: trix yogurt is the 90s in a cup

but i only have disgusting european goat yogurt at the apartment because 1) I’M AN IDIOT 2) i was trying to eat healthy and be an adult but we all know that’s not going to happen because instead you end up walking down to the freezing garage at midnight with a broken hand staring into the renegade emptiness and struggling to open the lid of the trix yogurt AND IT TASTES SALTY BC OF UR TEARS

anyways i don’t have a spoon so im doing it the old fashioned way and scooping the yogurt with my tongue when a car (the C4 Chevrolet Corvette which was bruce’s dad’s car so i can deduce they’re coming from somewhere nice but not too nice maybe like a science thing) comes in at steady pace and im like cool cool just licking up my yogurt. and then the car stops.

and the gremlin JUMPS OUT like the evil goblin child he is

[sort of like that part in sleeping beauty when prince philip is all tied up like a sex slave but totally not and maleficient’s evil minions are hopping over the bonfire which im sure is like imagery of SOME Milton thing but i digress]

and then B gets out all slow and calm which means he’s pissed and trying to be a Dad about it but idk why he even tries that bc Dames always pushes it too far and everything ends up like scrambled eggs only NOT as delicious and Dick is like “hey im the peacemaker this is my role in the family im so glad im no longer an only child thanks bruce good fucking call”

so i sequester myself into the corner just trying to eat my yogurt because I CAN because Alfred left for 3 days to visit Julia, which he never gets to do but everyone worked out patrol and civilian identities and he eventually agreed. so im nervously licking my yogurt not even enjoying myself any more bc 1) family drama ruins everything and 2) im not at the hospital when i should be bc i have a shattered hand and B would be pissed at me for stopping for a trix yogurt break

not that he would understand becauuuse TRIX IS FOR KIDS

i am aware that i am an adult but tbh i’m still seventeen and wow it feels like i’ve been seventeen for a while but

perks

so demon brat is screaming about something and Bruce is Ignoring him but his jaw is getting tighter so im assuming at this point that this has something to do with

Amélie de Parnasse

who Dames thinks is the devil, which is a coincidence because I think he’s the devil but y’know personal taste and all that. Amélie de Parnasse sort of looks like jean shrimpton but with grandpa glasses and Dames is CONVINCED that B has the hots for her or something but he INSISTS that she’s evil and B keeps saying he is not dating Amélie but we’ve all heard that one before but from what i can gather gremlin sabotaged Amélie’s presentation and also took B’s credit card to do so by hiring ninjas

which, suffice to say, B was not happy about and went “that’s not who we are, don’t do crazy things, yadda yadda yadda WAIT YOU DRUGGED THE REPORTERS no patrol”

but dames is like “ur not the boss of me boss-man” and bruce is like “um ?? who else is called boss-man around here? its me go to ur room” but Damian WON’T and is like “you’re being STUPID and DUMB and I’M JUST TRYING TO PROTECT YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE DUMB AND STUPID”

Bruce finally is like “go inside i don’t want to discuss this further ho hum i am an adult watch me not get upset with a ten year old child”

well that disappeared real quick bc gremlin point blank REFUSES and says “NO I SHAN’T I SHALL STAY HERE FOREVER BECAUSE YOU CAN’T GO ON PATROL WITHOUT ME BECAUSE YOU ARE A FOOLISH KUMQUAT” or something like that bc the kid’s voice hasn’t cracked yet and tbh all i can ever hear is shrieking idk how Bruce or Dick understand him bc it all sounds like koala screams to me

here’s a reference (listen to it all the way through for the demon growls its spot on)

Well Bruce legit shrugs and says “that works for me” and goes FUCK IT and flat out SCOOPS DAMIAN UP AND GOES MARCHING TOWARDS THE DOOR and im like well good shot little buddy next time you’ll stick it to the man

but ol’ lucifer baby was not down for the count yet, nope.

instead, Damian sticks out his arms and catches the convertible car door with his evil possum hands.

no problem for Bruce, he just disregards the kid’s shoulder sockets, no sweat, and tugs

this goes on for several minutes and its just weirdly silent tugging and im STILL licking my trix yogurt bc this cup is WAY deeper than i realized and my tongue span in comparison to the cup volume is getting its tongue-ass kicked and i’m watching this play out silently because it’s waaaay too late to announce myself now and B will just be all blustery “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHINGGOTOTHEHOSPITALNODONTWHERESALFREDWHYARECHILDRENHARDWHYCANTIFUNCTIONINTHEDAYLIGHTBLAH” and im in a delicate state tonight so no thank you please

so i’m licking the yogurt and Damian is like, perpendicular in the air right now and it starts to look like an figure skating routine of stubbornness (because this family is nothing if not stubborn) when.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIP.

(okay it didn’t sound like that it was more like WHUMPH but)

the car door was literally ripped off its hinges.

now, old poppa Thomas Wayne’s convertible opened up real fancy 80s, like this:

so looking at that now it’s not totally implausible that this would happen but. still.

So Bruce is staring at the decapitated arm and Damian is staring at it and I’m staring at them staring at it because I just witnessed 1) an example of brute-like strength and 2) the most embarrassing family spat since Jason and Dick’s egg and spit battle (gross and what even??) and they STILL don’t know I’m in the corner eating trix yogurt with a broken hand and a bleeding tongue because PLASTIC CORNERS ARE TRAITORS

right so two things are either going to happen here. 1) Bruce is going to like, laugh or something weird and mention some weird article from 1997 that he found outside a doctor’s office in a parenting magazine or like walk away like it was nothing and this will turn into a footnote on an excel doc or 2) Dames is going to receive the most unholy spanking of his life

i start panicking because they are rising from their stupor and Bruce’s eyes are like electric blue fire and it rapidly starts looking like it’s going to be the latter so I, a moron, step forward because yeah I can seriously dislike him but I’m Edgar Allan Bro and you don’t leave a little brother hanging like that

SO CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER

“I BROKE MY HAND” I bellow and it echoes in the garage like we’re in Pincocchio whale’s belly

Bruce twists to look at me and Damian goes BOOKING it upstairs and yeah goodluck gremlin i’ll pray for u when i’m not cursing you for getting us into this mess

Well, Bruce does his typical “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHINGGOTOTHEHOSPITALNODONTWHERESALFREDWHYARECHILDRENHARDWHYCANTIFUNCTIONINTHEDAYLIGHTBLAAAAAAH” and it develops exactly how i DIDN’T want it to go, so yeah everything sucked and I was like “are you mad” and Bruce like “why would you think i am mad” with a Mad Face™ and I’m like lol? no reason -.-

anyways idk what happened to gremlin or B but he DID extract a promise from me not to tell Alfred what happened because apparently yanking hard enough at your kid until your dad’s old corvette door snaps off is not considered a good idea and Bruce was like “I can handle it Alfred go visit Julia don’t worry I am an Adult™” which like. no.

i DID get a stilted thank you from the demon brat which was uncomfortable but kind of nice too because it’s nice to be appreciated for putting your life on the line. or like. your yogurt because B took it away from me when he was fixing my hand and i never got it back.

and that was the really painful part in all of this.

because trix yogurt is my life and my life was taken away from me and i sacrificed my LIFE SO I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE THAT.

but yeah. that was tuesday night.

#1 right here

EDIT: turns out Amélie de Parnasse actually was the devil or at least a witch and NOT Glinda the Good kind and may have been using the moray exhibit as a distraction for her presentation of hypnosis and possession.

which…yeah…

yikes.

Thanks for reading! ^.^

#my fic #Tim Drake #holy fuck this was so fun to write #batfam #batfamily #tell me you laughed pls

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