#bc like the whole reason they broke up is bc he’s a CHEATER but he’s devastated that she moved on !!!! death to him fr

[muteflames]

i’m rewatching riverdale bc i felt like it but i forgot how dirty they do my girl veronica in season 4!!!! i hate it here and i’m gonna start killing!!!

#. #when i say im gonna kill i mean betty and archie #my girl is there for him through everything and chooses him over everyone and he cheats on her!!!! i hate!!! kill kill die #i love when she helps sacrifice archie my only complaint is that she should’ve been the one to cut him open #i think that’s the appropriate punishment for him cheating on her w her best friend actually #i’m not at this part yet bc i’m still on season 4 but in s5 when he says he was devastated when he found out she was married… okay #bc like the whole reason they broke up is bc he’s a CHEATER but he’s devastated that she moved on !!!! death to him fr #i’m rewatching sabrina the teenage witch until i’m not angry anymore bc dream boy harvey would never do that to my girl sabrina #riverdale

[dysaren]

the best patient ✮ | e.jaeger

MDNI-> warnings: afab reader, nurse!y/n, erenbrokehiswrist, cheater!eren, stoner!eren, dealer!eren, (pretend hes also a metalhead bc i love metalheads. and toxic eren oh my god its unhealthy), mentions of weed, blowjobs, hairpulling, missionary, cowboy, multiple creampies, dirty talk, eyerolling, tit sucking, hickies, pussy eating, cum swapping/sharing/consuming, squirting (cuz it wouldnt be a dysaren fic without squirting!), erens gf visits.

a/n: sorry im so inactive im actually so busy like all the time :( (save me.) anyway, enjoy this quick fic i wrote instead of doing my assignments!! i am a sucker for toxic,cheater,stoner,dealer,metalhead,has piercings eren. based on a scenario that i created with a character.ai bot ( i am ashamed.. it was a xiao bot.)

"hello. im nurse y/n and ill be taking care of you for the duration of your stay here." you say, walking into the ER patient room as you scan my clipboard for the details of the person staying here.

Name: Eren Yeager

DOB: March 30 XXXX

Height: 6'0 ft

"weight, ethnicity blah blah... reason of hospitlization: distal radius fracture..." you read to yourself, glancing up from the clipboard to meet eyes with the man in the hospital bed. his long brown hair was up in a messy bun, he had tattos running from his neck all the way down to his arms, and from what you can tell, he was built, rather... nicely. (he was buff asf.)

the man looked miserable. he had swollen undereyes, and his skin looked dry, but still, for some reason you found him incredibly attractive.

"hello nurse." he mutters, clearly tired.

"hello." you repeat again. "im just here just to check up on you." you explain to him, sauntering closer to his bed.

you flip the page on your clipboard to a new, blank sheet. "i will just be running some tests, checking your vital signs and see how you are healing."

eren nods compliantly.

you take that as a sign of consent and start writing some things down on paper. "he seems to be doing fine...even his arms are nice fuck." you get distracted, looking at his arms, the way the veins pop out. mentally youre drooling. his fingers are long and thick, and there are indentations of multiple rings on them which only gets you more excited.

you flip your page back to the information sheet from before, checking the notes: "frequent smoker and sexually active."

"so it says here you are a frequent smoker?" you ask him, just wanting some sort of confirmation from him.

eren nods again. "yes" he whispers. "some nicotine but mostly weed."

"oh i see." you say, writing that information down.

"i can get you some. once im out of here at least." he looks up at you.

"im sorry?" you mustive heard wrong...right?

"ive seen you around before." eren explains. "at parties...you know mostly smoking. like that last one...you were with jean and connie."

oh. you didnt hear wrong.

three days ago, on your day off, you had went to a party with your friends jean and connie. they said it would be a good idea since it would be a chance for you to finally relax from your stressful job, so you relunctantly went. that was your first time smoking weed. it was wonderful and you guess eren saw the whole thing.

"you must have it wrong... i dont typically smoke." you explain to the brown haired man.

"i know, jean and connie told me it was your first. looked like you had a good time though." he smiles tiredly up at you.

you were taken a back a bit. you didnt know that the two of them knew eren. do they know that he's in the hospital right now? are they the reason he broke his wrist? where were they?

"i see..." you ponder a bit. "are they here with you tonight? somewhere in the hospital i mean."

"yeah. theyre here with my girlfriend too since she's the only sober one who can drive at the moment... they just went back to my place to grab some things for me before you came in. they wont be back for a while." eren clarifies.

"goddamnit he has a girlfriend." you sob internally.

"thats good to know." you fake smile, looking back at your clipboard. "it says here youre also sexually active... are you taking any sort of pills perchance?" you continue with your questions, trying to get back to professionalism.

"nope its all just me." he giggles with a coy grin on his face. youd hate to admit that his laugh turned you on a bit.

you finish up your report of eren, rechecking his vitals once more to confirm things. "okay it seems as though youre on the right track... it can take up to 6-12 weeks for your wrist to comepletely heal. otherwise, you might want to lay off the weed consumption till then." you finish up.

before you can leave, he call out. "wait.."

you turn around. "what is it? are you alright?"

"i have a problem with something and i just cant seem to be able to do it myself." eren tries saying shyly, but the look in is eyes seemed to be more sinsiter than you thought. "after all... i did just break my wrist..."

he looks down at his jeans, putting the spotlight on the constrained buldge in his jeans.

youre flushed. "oh..." what were you supposed to do in this situation?? didnt he have a girlfriend?

right he had a girlfriend.

"im sure your girlfriend can help you out with that."

eren's eyebrows crease. he did have a girlfriend and she was amazing. she did basically everything for him. so why now was he so damn attracted to his nurse to want to take a risk and cheat on everything he had???

he presses his lips together before speaking, "i lied. i just didnt want to seem like a pussy to ya." sentences were forming right as he was speaking them. hopefully it was enough to fool you. "please. its so uncomfortable..."

his throbbing cock was being compressed by not only his boxers but also by his black rocker jeans. it was true. it was extremely uncomfortable so why not relieve it with the cute nurse who also happened to be the cute girl who had been sitting with his friends not too long ago, taking a drag from a joint he sold to jean and connie.

you were relunctant, but then again, you could feel your panties getting damper. you walk up to him slowly, keeping your eyes locked with his. you sit down on the bed beside him.

he feels your soft hands on his buldge and from that he lets out a restrained sigh. "fuck." he huffs.

god, there was no way this wasnt turning you on too. eren knew that. he saw the way you bit your lip as you started to unbutton his jeans.

"how long will they be gone?" you ask, hinting at the group of friends eren had mentioned previously. "for a while.. my place is pretty from from the hospital." he watches you slowly pull down his zipper. "fuck baby youre making me go crazy."

you smile, finally releasing his cock from his boxers. he was hung. youre eyes widened and he lauged.

"too much for you baby?" he questions.

"no..." you whisper, slowly kitten licking the tip, tasting his precum before fully sheathing his cock in your mouth.

eren moaned. loudly.

"holy shit!" he huffs. "oh my god..." he leans his head back, grabbing your neat ponytail to guide you while sucking him off.

"ugghhfff!" you choke on his length, tears coming to your eyes. but you like it. it felt too good. at this point, your panties were soaking wet at this point.

"fuck baby you gotta stop or else im gonna cum." eren gasps, pulling you off from his dick. "cmon take it all off... show me."

you look behind you to make sure that the door to the room was closed. you look back at him with a playful look, pulling off your uniform and undershirt to reveal your cleavage.

eren smirked, watching as your skin reacted from the cold air, goosebumps forming. he reaches behind you and releases the hooks of your bra.

he sighed at the sight of your tits. they were beautiful. you were beautiful. he kneads at your chest as you remove the rest of your garments, underwear included.

you were fully exposed to him. internally, eren was freaking out. externally, he was entranced by your body, drooling a bit.

"eren?" you ask, waving your hand infront of him. he snaps out of his trance. "are you ok?" you look at him with a worried look.

"im ok baby. sorry. lets keep going." he says, rubbing his tip on your clit. he can feel your wetness and he smirks once again,

"you are dripping baby..." he whispers in your ear. "i dont even need to prep you..." eren slowly shoves his cock into you.

you were in heaven. both of you were. to him, you felt so fucking tight. he doesnt even know if youre a virgin or not. how couldnt you be? "youre so tight..." he groans, restraining himself from prematurely giving you a creampie.

you have never felt so full in your life. in your life, you've only fucked one guy and the rest had been occupied by your plethora of sex toys. but eren... eren was different. you were filled to the brim. eren could see the buldge of his dick lightly poking through your pudgy tummy. that made him go feral.

he started thrusting into you faster, sucking on your sensitive nipples, licking around the skin as well. he left mulitple hickies in the places where only he could see them. you still were on your shift of course, he wanted to be courteous.

"mmm..." he heard you sigh, smiling as he kissed your body.

eren lifts you up so now youre straddling him. he keeps his pace constant but you wanted to take control. so you start bouncing on his cock. he watches as your tits move with you, again trying not to prematurely cum.

"mmmhf!!!!" you try to conceal your moans, but it was so hard. "fuck daddy please!! i need more!!" you were being greedy, but it felt too good.

"youre bossy baby." eren laughs. he thrusts up, faster than before. "fuck im gonna fucking cum." you watched him gasp, bringing your face closer to his, kissing him with so much passion. he kissed back.

sure he had a girlfriend, but maybe now he's finally gonna break it with her. just for you.

"ah ah..." you gasp, feeling his thrusts slow down. you whine.

"shush baby, let me cum inside before i fuck it back into you." he moans into your neck, creampie-ing your cunt. you try not to scream as you feel the heat in your stomach release as you cum as well.

your eyes roll back into your head and oh how he loves the sight. yeah hes all yours now.

eren picks up his pace once again, like he said, fucking his cum deeper into you.

you scream before he slaps a hand over your mouth. "shut it baby... dont want everyone hearing how much of a slut you are."

"mmfgf!" you groan in protest.

eren doesnt stop his pace until he's shooting his thick load into you once again.

he's catching his breath as he pulls out, plugging your pussy with his fingers so the essence wouldnt leak from your cute slit.

youre all fucked out by the way. he watches as your face contorts into pure pleasure, feeling the band in your stomach snap as you twitch on his fingers.

eren shoves his mouth onto your pussy, licking up the mess in between your legs, tasting both him and you. he licks up your slit to your clit, flicking it with his tongue. youre overstimulated and tired. your couldnt take it anymore. you gush once more on his face, the liquid dripping down his chin and onto the sheets of the hospital bed.

"aahh..." you breathe heavily, recovering from your third orgasm.

"that feel good baby?" he says, bring his head up to meet your eyes. he could see hearts in them.

"mm... i think we're going to have to change the sheets." you giggle.

"well it was worth it." he watches as you sit up, making sure youre not in any discomfort. he rubs your back and fixes your hair. "you look beautiful like this."

"do i?" you say, questioning his taste.

he nods before leaning in for a comforting kiss. "let me take you out." he whispers.

you nod-

KNOCK KNOCK!

you glance behind you to look at the door.

"eren! its mikasa!" you both hear from the other side of the door.

you look back at him in confusion. "mikasa?"

he rolls his eyes.

"my girlfriend."

#eren #eren imagines #eren jeager smut #eren aot #eren x you #eren x reader #eren jaeger #aot x reader #eren jeager x reader #eren x mikasa

[ozotnafal]

Hi I’m in need of some input please. So a guy just ended things with me because this whole time we were talking a year long distance he’s had a gf and hid it from me and her...I found out from the girl reaching out to me, sent her all the screenshots and she said they broke up...as soon as he was found out about he deleted his Instagram (it’s been deleted over a month) and blocked me...I tried calling him many times from no caller ID and he texted me to leave him alone, move on, stop being obsessed so I did....anyway, he’s been very confusing ever since. He’s texted me (usually one word like yo) and call me 3 times 2 weeks ago then block me before I answer, then just recently he calls me Friday night and he goes “hey what’s up” and I was like “I’m at home, what about u” and he goes “on my way home, you sound sick” and I was like “I am” and he goes “I feel like u miss me” then I ignored that was like what’s the reasoning” and he goes “what do you mean” and I’m like “the call I don’t want to go back and forth with you don’t you have a girlfriend” and he goes “yeah I have a girl” and I was like “I’m confused because she said you guys broke up” and he goes “we’re ehh” and I was like uh ok.... why’re you calling and he goes “yeah i have a girl you said you don’t want to talk, take care” and I was like “huhh, what” then he goes “I called to say take care” I was so confused the whole time bc why is he calling me and he goes “ok bye” then he kept trying to say bye Over and over again and I was like silent then he goes I’m trying to say goodbye and kept saying “bye” and was waiting for me to say it so I was like “fine bye” like what??

i have a headache.

something that i have learned from my past failed situation ships is that if someone is meant for you , things will be easy , not difficult.

the dude you’re talking about sounds like he has some communication issues first of all besides being a cheater. Tell him to pick a struggle.

He seems to feed his ego by these time to time messages and calls. So, i think it’s best to tell him to either talk to you and explain everything or nothing. You’re not there to teach him how to communicate and you sure as hell are not there to be the other option when he gets bored of the first one.

i don’t know who you are but i’m sure there is plenty fish in the sea. This one isn’t right for you so you just have to let it swim.

[sunlightandsuffering]

Just watched this YT video about a Reddit story in which a woman is happily married with kids but finds out about her husbands "hidden Tinder account" and basically him "cheating" on her, and after outing him as a cheater to their shared friends and family and divorcing him (and a whole bunch of events), a year later, finds out it was all their neighbours doing by somehow getting the husband's intimate pictures and using them to catfish women on Tinder, the whole post is about her asking how she could make amends with him and repair their relationship it reminded me of your divorce so much you got no idea lmao 😭 as if I was reading the same story again, literally could felt the same hurt this woman and Mikasa felt over destrying a marriage with the love of their lifes over a false accusation of cheating and them trying to fix their relationships Gotta admit I like your EreMika version better, cuz of how funny it is and cuz the reddit story ends with the marriage broken for good and them split up 😔, mainly cuz the husband felt like after everything that happened their marriage was broken beyond repair (even if they still love each other deeply), and I can't think about that for my beloveds 😣 I like to believe they would find a way to love each other again, even if it takes them a lifetime to do it 🤧 Kinda wishing to see how you would wrap the whole thing tbh, gotta love this au for how angsty it and I just need to know if there is a happy ending for them! (Feel free to ignore this ask if you want to tho! either if you don't want to spoil anything or you simply don't want to talk abt it, I know how you feel about talking about this au ever since your blog got flooded with ppl slandering Mikasa for it) (This a little vent off but Redditors are really a different breed I swear, they left comments on the woman's post blaming her for not being able to foresee the future and realize he wasn't cheating on her, as if she didn't have reasons to believe her husband was cheating, like I understand the husband had it way worse but she was a victim too ffs)

omgggg reddit does always have the wildest stuff I agree lol, like u never know what the fuck ur gonna read. But that's so heartbreaking ugh! But this is kind of what I wanted to achieve in divorce AU, like it's no one's fault, but I wanted angst where no one could really be blamed it was just circumstance and unfortunate misunderstandings! JUST LIKE A SHOUJO MANGA LMFAO !but don't worry i ALWAYS give happy endings, u can count on me for that, I'll never end something with angst I just don't have it in me lol.

but that's so heartbreaking for the couple, hope they fucking sewed that neighbour or something omg like that's awful, he literally broke up a marriage!!! ruined lives!!!

But yeah ur right the whole divorce au idk i haven't touched it in a while bc for a bit there it was getting so heated lol, and I don't get paid enough to field everyone arguing with each other in my ask box and arguing back myself lol, it's just too much effort. I'm definitely down to give it a happy ending though I just need some inspo, I'm like trying to remember where I left off with it and I think the last thing I wrote a drabble for was angst lol?? Where they were fighting in Eren's hallway or bedroom or something? And before that was the seafood drabble LOL!!!!! I'm trying to think of how I could resolve it, I'm down for happy suggestions if you have any anon!!

#divorce au

[stregoniconiconii]

Screaming. Me but with Nancy instead and I’m desperately trying to bargain with the duffers so we can both get what we want.

Steve being an over enthusiastic ally with her crush on Vickie to hide the fact that he absolutely can not stand the idea of sharing her with anyone please Also do you think eventually girls would start warning each other like “He’s cute and he’s great in bed but something weird as fuck is going on between him and his best friend and it’s just not worth it.” meanwhile Robin is like “Damn neither of us are getting bitches :(”

the thing with Nancy is that well. I don't trust her to not break any hearts. honestly my head canon is that if robin did tell Steve that she had a thing for Nancy that it would be the one time that Steve wouldn't be all over enthusiastic ally over robin's potential romantic endeavours. and that's bc he knows what it's like to get his heart demolished by Nancy wheeler and he wouldn't wish that on robin. I think Steve trusts Nancy with his life, loves her absolutely, but I think if they ever got back together he'd be holding his breath and just like waiting for the other shoe to drop. because honestly I do think Nancy would cheat on Steve if they got back together (track record isn't good and I don't think she wants the life Steve is envisioning for himself, the whole uh 6 kids thing) and tbh I found it bizarre that robin was like campaigning for Steve and Nancy to get back together in s4 bc it's the bff rule that you don't let the besties get back together with the ex that broke their heart. like part of the reason I think robin would kinda hate Steve's girlfriends/dates is bc she doesn't want his heart to get broken like Nancy broke it...besides the weird platonic jealousy thing she's got going on too lmao. idk maybe Steve was being a bit of an unreliable narrator when he told robin the story of stoncy circa 1983-1984 bc the bare facts do not paint either Nancy or Jonathan in a good light. or he just doesn't know all the facts but um we the audience do. maybe all Steve knows is that Nancy didn't ever actually love him during the year they were dating and that after their fight/break up Nancy and Jonathan teamed up (this is my version of friend's were they on a break or not bc um. it doesn't matter if they were technically broken up, it's still a huge betrayal imo and I see the s2 stancy fight as a fight and not a break up soooo cheater mccheaterson) but does Steve know that Nancy and Jonathan had sex? does he know that Nancy was pining after Jonathan for the whole year and that he was literally second choice bc Jonathan didn't ask her out after a month of waiting? yeah I don't think so, because I think he would have a lot more feelings about it. and then like. idk I don't really ship ronance (I love that everyone's having fun with it tho <3) mostly bc I don't think Nancy likes girls but lets say she did the reason why I struggle to ship Nancy with robin is kinda the same reason I struggle to ship Nancy with Jonathan in the sense that Nancy says and does some pretty mean things to both of them (nancy's frustration with robin at the library, only warming up to her when she proves useful, which is mostly due to robin being autistic coded vs Nancy calling Jonathan's very real financial situation an "Oliver Twist routine"; neither of these things are things that robin and Jonathan can control and Nancy doesn't ever apologise for saying these things or acting that way. which she doesn't have to I guess but I think it contributes to the girl boss syndrome Nancy has which is that she's never wrong. which is why I Liked ronance teaming up this season bc it gave Nancy the opportunity to be wrong <3) anyway basically I have complicated feelings about Nancy and I think she's bad at relationships and she would definitely fuck up a polyamorous relationship but maybe that disaster would be fun to explore? idk. single Nancy rights

also yes there is definitely a gossip chain about Steve harrington and his weird relationship with his best friend but there's always somebody willing to take that risk in the name of good dick

[oftheredmoon]

my abuser abused me. after 10 years i broke my silence and told my childhood friend. i didnt want justice or anything bc i didnt want to destroy my family, i just wanted to confide in my closest friend. she immediately ran around town and told everyone. 2 years later, i found out random people knew about my trauma and were threatening my abuser as well as on the verge of involving my family. so i lied. and said i lied about the abuse. a lot of people in town hate me. ex-childhood friend hates me and victimizes herself; everyone takes her side. my abuser hates me and rather than be grateful that i took one for the team (since we both know what he did) he uses it against me. tells me he hates me because “you know what you did” on party chat in front of the handful of people who still speak to me.

i can never confide in anyone about this due to cultural reasons. i’m stuck living in a looped hell. people think im some mentally ill wacko who went off the deep end and tried to drag innocent people down with me. i dont do drugs. i dont drink. i dont have an escape. i dont have friends anymore. suicide is not an option. confiding in people is no longer an option. coping mechanisms dont work anymore. self-harm never worked and just made me feel stupid. moving out/running away is not an option. therapy didnt help, neither did meds.

i think the most painful thing is the blatant fact that i will never truly be happy.

i’m expected to get married and have children. i want to get married and have children. but how am i supposed to let my husband lay a finger on me without screaming and crying? how am i supposed to explain that the reason i breakdown everytime he compliments me is because nobody has ever paid attention to me before? how am i supposed to be a good wife and have a good job when im completely talentless and stupid because i spent my whole childhood in a locked room neglected? how am i supposed to a healthy partner when the very thought of him becoming slightly annoyed with me or ignoring me is enough to send me into a psychotic breakdown? how am i supposed to explain why im so mentally ill? why i have psychosis, ptsd, depression, anxiety, adhd, and borderline personality disorder. why im constantly dissociating. how am i supposed to explain why im so physically ill? my heart, my blood sugar, my ulcers, the migraines, the potential cysts, crohns disease, the fact that i can hardly eat without throwing up, the fact that my body has dealt with so much stress that its already giving up at 20 years old. i could keep going, but i wont.

its getting hard to feel anything anymore. i’m no longer in touch with reality. when i try to think about myself my appearance, my name and all the things that once defined me do not come up. im hardly human at this point. i wake up, eat, stare at the wall for 8 hours, eat again, maybe do some homework, and play xbox for a few hours before my abuser inevitably makes a comment and i get triggered and leave before i breakdown in front of everyone.

“just tell ur future husband!!” cant, its not that simple, im not from the west.

“find a supportive/understanding man!!” see above plus: no man is going to put up with a complete emotional trainwreck who can hardly function: thats a receipe for creating a cheater.

“find a friend group that your abuser doesnt hang out with!!” cant, everyone hates me, this friend group is the most successful one ive ever had, im scared of making new bonds, theyll all leave eventually.

“make online friends!!” i have very negative experiences with online friends, id rather not.

“seek professional help!!” already tried, didnt work, they would call the cops if they knew half the shit that happened to me, therapy is not the solution to everything.

“why did u say u lied in the first place...?” bc my abuser going to jail/being confronted by all of this wouldve destroyed my family. i couldnt let that happen.

“why did u expect ur abuser to be understanding and grateful..? they’re an abuser lol...” bc after the whole thing blew up and everyone hated me, we had a mutual agreement and understanding to make it water under the bridge in order to protect our family. guess i was wrong to think he cared about them.

“what do u want me to say then lol... ur not willing to help urself” i cant help myself. “my hands are tied” is the biggest understatement of the century.

this post is not to find my cure. i didnt make this post because i want people in my dms showing me that they’re concerned.

if ur concerned about me harming myself, dont be. you have my 100% guarantee that i will not self-harm or attempt suicide. i gave up on that years ago.

this post is to vent.

this post is for people who are in similar situations as me. people who cant find a way out. people who cant turn to escapes such as drugs. people who protect their abuser whether out of love or for the sake of others.

you’re not the only one. i understand. i know. its hard. you’re drowning. no one will grab your hand no matter how much you reach out. in the rare cases that someone does come you pull away. you’ve lost the best years of your life to trauma and mental illness. it feels like theres no point. nothing helps. nothing works. you’re practically a zombie. you often trigger yourself to cope. you just want the pain to end. you dont want to feel anymore. you want to feel something. you dont want to remember. you want to be loved. you want a sign that you belong here. you want to enjoy life. you want to die. you’re afraid of living but you’re afraid of death.

i’m so sorry you’re hurt. i hope you find peace and salvation in a safe manner. i hope you heal and enjoy life to the fullest.

dont really know how to end this. i hope we’ll all be okay. i hope everyone whos been traumatized can find peace on earth. i hope breathing can start to feel a little easier. sorry this is so long. take care of yourselves.

#depression #traumacore #ventcore #Ptsd #Suicidal thoughts #depressing thoughts #venting #abuse #child abuse #anxiety #bpd #adhd #Suicide #borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #Self harm #personal

[vinylhazza]

ok but like having a really bad day and then when you get home e gets mad @ you for something and since your day has already been shitty, him being upset w you is like the last straw so you start to cry and then him being all soft and feeling bad bc he didn’t know you didn’t have a good day and he hates to see you cry 🥺

you’d been yelled at by your boss for something you didn’t even do. falsely accused of screwing up in a business meeting. and being the kind person what did you do? you took the blame for your friend/co-worker. you really took the slander with pride, but in your car? the tears wouldn’t stop.

you always aimed to impress and you loathed people being mad at you and being embarassed. in your opinion there was nothing worse. and maybe that’s the one thing you would fix about yourself and wish one day to leave behind - stop trying to please everyone and stick up for yourself.

the worst part is she never even thanked you, just watched you swing your purse over your shoulder with blushing cheeks when you briskly walked through the office and slammed your finger into the button in the elevator that was much too slow after what just happened.

you just wanted to go home to ethan and hold him until you forgot that disappointed look on your boss’ face while he lectured you on good work ethic. you were amazing at your job, really. you just stuck up for that bitch brianna for the simple reason that you didn’t want her to be mad. it was a lose, lose situation all around. but you would change your decision and re-do that conversation if you could - tell your boss she fucked up and not you. tell your boss she costed the company business with one of the largest corporations they’d ever worked with. but you can’t turn back time.

you kept your mouth shut until your slammed your car door shut...and then you screamed. at the top of your lungs. you bursted into a rage that had tears running down your heated cheeks. how dare that bitch look at you with a smug smirk - oh you wish you could smack that stupid fucking look off her face. you had worked your ass off to get this job, it was your dream.

you had jumped through hoops and built an image for yourself that you always wished you would have. you were well respected which is something you’ve always had to fight for. you showed integrity and grit - everything a business would want. and all you can think about is that horrid conversation about “morals” and “values” and “what you can do to fix this behavior”...he even asked you to persuade them to work with the business still.

it was a traumatic day and you just needed ethan to hold you close. you needed him to kiss it away and talk you down and take a hot bath with you and snuggle into the sheets, maybe hum your favorite songs like he does when you’re upset or anxious. you needed your man right now after this day. you just needed ethan.

but when you walked through the house and saw him standing in the kitchen, hands on the counter, head hung low, shoulders slumped, you grew anxious once again. he didn’t look happy in the slightest. you almost didn’t speak to him, near turned your sorrowful ass around and went straight back to the bedroom. but instead you set your keys on the counter, purse on the table, and walked in to stand beside him.

you can feel the tension hovering in the air, thick as molasses. when he looks up, his eyes show his emotion plain as day, angry. you’d only ever seen him angry on a few occasions, but it was never at you.

“you wanna explain to me what the fuck is going on y/n?” he deadpanned, standing up tall with bulging arms crossed over his broad chest. he’s looking down at you with this look...like he doesn’t even want to be here. like he wants to be anywhere else but here having this conversation.

you’re frozen in place. you actually can’t believe that 1. your boss was pissed at you and 2. the one person that could make it better is pissed at you. it was the world laughing in your face is what it was.

“no? i really don’t know what’s going on ethan i just got back from work-“ you try to stifle the fire with a calm voice.

“don’t give me that bullshit, i saw the picture,” his voice raising an octave higher.

“what picture ethan what the hell are you talking about?!” you’re panicking now, lost in a dark haze of confusion while he looks at you with that same disappointment in his eyes. with every step you take towards him, he takes a step back, not letting you touch him.

it genuinely feels like the world might come crashing down, your breathing shallowing out, knees getting weaker, eyes filling at the waterline. what the hell is going on here and what picture is he talking about? you are always either at work, with him, or with your best friend at all times. so whatever picture(s) he is pissed about must be a mistake.

“that’s real nice, play dumb. if you don’t want to be with me, then say something, but this? really? i really thought i meant more than that but i guess not,” he turns to walk away, shaking his head at you, disgusted by something you know nothing about.

and then the tears fall.

“baby i- i really d-don’t know what y-your talking about please d-don’t be mad at me whatever it is i didn’t m-mean-“ you hiccup, holding your palms to your face while you have your breakdown in the middle of the kitchen, legs giving out beneath you. you expect to sink to the floor, but instead feel strong arms wrap around you tight, keeping you standing and pressing you into into ethans chest.

he realized quite quickly he was dead fucking wrong about what he’d seen on the internet. he had jumped the gun too quickly without giving you a chance to explain. he never even let you get a word in. but that was irrelevant at this point because you’re gasping for breath in his arms, clinging to him like a lifeline. he had seen a picture of you with another man, a man that was cupping your face while you kissed. it had spread around twitter like wildfire with captions like:

“and to think he said she was the one last week”

“i done told y’all she was sketch”

“she’s a fucking cheater and i knew it”

“making our baby look dumb, y/n i just wanna talk”

“a whole ass 🤡 who would cheat on ethan fucking dolan?”

“guess that means we were right all along”

“you can even see in the picture she doesn’t feel bad about it. makes it even worse.”

“tHeY aRe mEaNt tO bE all of you look so dumb right now huh? clearly she’s a fake bitch that used him for the clout and the money”

“so who’s coming to fight her with me?”

“drop the adress i just wanna talk”

“this right here is why they don’t date 🤷🏻‍♀️ but y’all ain’t ready to talk about that”

it hit him like a ton of bricks, actually making him sick to his stomach, absolutely heartbroken. he loved you with his entire fucking heart, adored you and everything that came with you...but how could you do this? when was this picture taken? why would you play dumb when he knows you’re on the same internet he is, you can obviously see.

but...something wasn’t right. he knew that as soon as you broke down into his arms in a fit of hysterics, he was wrong and he could feel it. whatever and whoever that man in the picture is...he would hear it from you and you alone. the woman he trusted. but right now you needed him, so he rocked you in his arms and pushed his suspisions aside for the time being.

“shhh calm down sweetheart, it’s okay, i’m right here,” he whispers, kissing the top of your head, a hand rubbing your back while the sobs die down to sniffles. he waits for you to calm down from your breakdown patiently, feeling like nothing but a dick for being so harsh when he didn’t even know the full story.

when you back up to hold his hands, looking up to see his face soft and worried, you nearly cry again. you had no idea what was going on but you did know you needed him and needed him to not be mad at you. whatever you had to do to calm his anger or whatever was making him act this way, you would.

“wanna tell me what’s wrong baby?” he questions calmly, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear, bringing one of your hands up to his lips for a kiss on the knuckles, getting that tiny little smile out of you he loved so much.

“i just...had a horrible freaking day at work. i got screwed over and i’m worried it’s to the point on no return and i’ve lost respect at the one place i’ve worked so hard to excel at,” you mumble quietly, rubbing your nose and swiping the tears from your cheeks.

to have him being gentle with you is all you needed all day. you know you need to talk about that blowup he had when you came home, but for right now you’re taking what you can get.

“explain everything to me bubs, let’s go,” he tucks your hand in his own, waiting for you to slip your shoes off and hear the patter of your feet follow him across the house, down the hall, and into the bedroom.

“don’t you wanna talk about...whatever that was?” you’re so confused, why is he being so loving if he sounded that betrayed and angry? he was too good to you.

“we can talk about that later, now lay back against me and spill,” he rests back against the headboard, patting his stomach twice, indicating for you to rest between his legs and lay back against his chest.

you can’t argue with that when it’s been what you’ve longed for all day. so you slip your blazer off and toss it in the hamper, walk to the closet and grab the tshirt of his you always wear to bed and a pair of sweats to change into. when you’re done changing and have your hair in a messy bun on top of your head, you’re slipping onto the bed and resting back against his warm chest.

within an instant his arms wrap around you and you’re ranting feverishly about the day from hell. you explain everything from the coffee spill in the car to briannas fuck up all the way to the big boss man busting your ass in his office for nearly an hour. he’s listening patiently, nodding his head and humming, placing kisses to your shoulders every now and then, even a little “fuck her” when you really get going about briannas betrayal. he lets you get it all out of your system with open ears.

when your all done and tired out, you feel like the weight has been lifted and you can sink back into him further, your eyes closing and head falling back onto his shoulder. he rubs your arms all the way down to your hands, where he plays with your fingertips. within a few seconds he’s providing you with advice that is actually soothing you more than anything, explaining what to say to your boss and how. he’s assuring you that all hope isn’t lost and your respect is fragile but still intact, you just need to fight for yourself because you worked too hard to be made into a mockery.

he can feel you relax with every word he says near your ear, he knows it’s working. when he’s given you all that he can and you agree that it would be the best option to explain in full the misunderstanding and ensure your boss that no, it wasn’t your mistake but you are willing to turn the situation around because you have the skill to do so. a redemption so to say. it’s exactly what you needed to hear and it blows your mind that he always has the right words - well...sometimes.

“okay so now that we’re done with that...wanna talk to me about this ‘picture’ you saw?” you ponder, picking at a string hanging from the sweatpants.

he decides he needs to word things a little better this time now that he has a level head. he acted out of anger and pain and that is most certainly not what you need, especially today.

“i went on twitter this afternoon and saw a picture of you with another man.” there he said it. take it or leave it. what you say next will be what heals or breaks his heart.

he’s sort of surprised when you don’t tense up in his arms, you simply hold out your hand.

“can i see?” your gesture to his phone, remembering yours is still in your purse in the kitchen.

he nods silently, reaching for the device on the nightstand and setting it into your open palm. you put in your fingerprint and click on the twitter app, knowing what you’re about to see is obviously some big misunderstanding that (once again) got blown out of proportion and twisted into something it wasn’t. the joys of social media and stan twitter.

you immediately see this picture everyone is losing their minds over, knowing immediately how it might look. but you also know you were correct in your theory and everyone has it so wrong.

the picture is of you and your ex kissing, him holding your face, three years ago. your hair was the same color and length, you can see why there might have been some confusion. but it was still misconstrued and wrong.

“so?” ethan waits anxiously for you to say something since you’ve been staring silently at the screen for about three minutes now and haven’t said a word.

you know words hold weight, but backing up those words will mean more to him than anything. so you choose not the speak at all. you head over to little ole facebook, something you rarely use, but something that will ease his mind right here right now.

you log out of his account and log into one of yours that should have been deleted when you made your new account. you click on the “pictures” option and scroll until you land on a collection of pictures to go along with the one of you kissing your ex. you simply show ethan the collection of different poses of you two in the same place, smiling, serious faces, a cheesy “couples” photo shoot. you then show him the date the photos were uploaded, seeing his eyes widen and cheeks turn rosy with the realization that the internet, once again, flipped out for no reason.

“remember the ex that cheated on me with my roommate from college?” you speak softly, knowing he’s quite embarassed for his actions and making you feel worse on your horrible day. he nods.

“i’m guessin’ that’s cody” is all he responds with.

he just knew he was wrong. someone had found this public facebook and discovered these photos with your ex and plastered the one of you kissing all over twitter, instagram, you name it - it was there. they twisted the image and made it into something it wasn’t. they had made him overthink and become insecure, worried that you didn’t want him. of course you were loyal, you’ve never shown him any different.

“fuck i’m really an ass aren’t i?” he chuckles, throwing his head back and shaking his head in disbelief that he was dead wrong about something. what was he thinking? as if you could ever love or much less look at anyone else besides him.

“no honey, just...maybe let me explain before you immediately freak out on me yeah? i need conversation not accusations,” your tone soft and easy, knowing he feels bad.

“i’m sorry for getting a little mean with you,” he apologizes sincerely, hugging you closer to his chest and leaning in to kiss you on the cheek.

“it’s okay, i forgive you. we were both just a little frazzled today, that’s all. lack of communication can do that sometimes. the internet is a scary place,” you reason. this day has been one hell of a day, kicking both of your asses mentally. it’s something as simple as a picture taken out of context or a bad day at work that can cause a pointless blow up, but at least you know how to tackle these situations together and not point the finger until you know the facts. it’s growth and that’s never a bad thing.

but now you need what you’ve needed all day. you can tell he needs it too. all the crying, the frustration, the straining of your brain to comprehend the plethora of daily bullshit was exhausting.

“wanna take a bath with me bubba?” your tone hopeful. you know he’s comfortable, but you also know all the extra tension is cured with a nice bubble bath.

it doesn’t even take him but a second to nod with a fond relieved smile, tilting your head up to give you a kiss.

“bubbles?” he questions hopefully, standing you both up from the bed and pulling his shirt over his head while you remove the tshirt and sweats you just slipped on - you’d just wear them after.

“bubbles” you conclude with a grin.

#asks #e!concepts #ethan!concepts

[nineteensixtieschikadee]

Jon Snow and his Two Fathers: A balance between Ice and Fire

You know what I utterly despise about what Double Dicks did with Jon Snow’s character in the show--aside from omitting the whole Azor Ahai storyline, and making the entire R+L=J plot absolutely meaningless?? It’s that Double Dicks apparently “FORGOT” that aside from Ned Stark, Rhaegar Targaryen was ALSO Jon Snow’s father. Now lemme explain what I mean. Yes, the show has established however did NOT PAY OFF R+L=J. And not only was this whole plot line the entire purpose of Jon Snow’s arc, it was also the whole backbone of GOT’s history, 20 years before it began. And Rhaegar Targaryen was the center of it all. 

Part of what makes !BOOK Jon such a fan favorite, and why he would arguably make an EXCELLENT ruler/king, is because NOT ONLY does he have his adoptive father’s HONOR AND MORALS, he also has his biological father’s PASSION, CHARISMA AND LEADERSHIP SKILLS. Meaning that while Jon has a strong set of honor and morals--which is known to get you killed in GOT--his passion and natural borne leadership skills help BALANCE those things out that effectively makes not only a WORTHY leader, but also a POWERFUL one. 

I started rereading the books again since the show’s garbage now, and just in the first couple of Jon chapters in AGOT you can already see how much Jon is growing and developing into that of a worthy leader. For example, when Jon first enters the Night’s Watch, he is almost somewhat of a formidable bully to the other night’s watch members. Not only because of his ego of being a “highborn raised bastard,” but because he is actually a better swordsman than they are. (Which he proves.) And also because the other members keep teasing him about how he’s a bastard with no mother. It isn’t until Donal Noye calls Jon out on his bullshit, and Tyrion once again having to reaffirm Jon of his identity by letting him know that his title can be used as an effective armor, that Jon beings to realize his mistakes and then tries to become better. And by his next chapter, Jon is already TEACHING the other night’s watch members how to sword fight effectively. He begins to be much more patient with them, and each time they fall, he helps pick them back up. 

And it’s not like no one else can see his leadership skills. Like if you didn’t think Jon could become a great king because he lacks, why do you think Jeor Mormont chose Jon to be his successor? From the point when Jeor gives Jon Longclaw, he begins to train him under his wing, because he saw potential in Jon. Jon has the skills and the mind to become a leader. A GOOD ruler. And no, don’t tell me Jon is too dumb to become a good king/ruler. Because !BOOK JON is not. Let’s compare this to Sansa. Sansa stans claim that Sansa would be a good ruler because she was trained under Cersei, Littlefinger, Olenna, Margery, and to some extent, Tyrion? But if you notice, all her mentors are DIRTY. While they are smart, they’re cheaters and DISHONORABLE people. And have proven multiple times that they wouldn’t be good rulers. 

Jon on the other hand, has had 3 mentors. Jeor Mormont, Mance Rayder, and Stannis Baratheon. (Technically Jeor is the only mentor. But Jon has served under the wing of both Mance and Stannis.--Especially after he becomes Lord Commander.) Two of Jon’s “mentors” are KINGS. While the other is simply an “ARMY LEADER”. What do all 3 of these leaders have in common? People follow them, not only because they have to, but because they are seen as “worthy to be followed.” All 3 of them not only have effective leadership skills, but they DO NOT have “Shit for Honor.” At least, to some extent. Jeor poses as the leader that knows the REAL THREAT beyond the wall. And that’s what he trains Jon for. Becoming the leader that will become the shield that guides and protects the realm. Mance is King that wants to guide his people to safety because of the THREAT OF THE OTHERS. (White Walkers.) And Stannis the Mannis is the RIGHTFUL KING of Westeros. He is cold and harsh. But he is HONORABLE  and JUST. He is the most effective ruler out of the 3, and part of the reason is because of Jon. To those who say Jon cannot be a good ruler, guess who’s the man who suggested Stannis fight the Ironborn at Deepwood, and in turn, win the support of the Mormonts and the freefolk? When Stannis is fighting battle outside of Winterfell, it’s JON who maintains all the political shit for Stannis back at the wall. You can kinda say Jon was acting “Hand of the King,” while Davos was at White Harbor. And you can be damn sure that he was good at it. It’s not up until the Arya--pink letter plot in ADWD where we see Jon start to lose it a little before ultimately succumbing to love over duty.  

ALL of these traits and effectiveness to rule, came from one man. HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER, Rhaegar Targaryen. He didn’t get it from Ned, who we we know was a pretty weak Hand for the King. He got it from Rhaegar, the man who conspired to usurp his father from the throne as he was growing madder by the day. (In theory.) From Barristan’s pov, Rhaegar would’ve made a BETTER KING than all the 3 kings he’s served previously. He was DETERMINED, DELIBERATE, AND DUTIFUL. He was also very PROTECTIVE of his people, as claimed by Jamie, who was tasked by Rhaegar to protect Elia and their children. All of that, can be found in Jon. ESPECIALLY in Jon’s chapters in ADWD. 

Rhaegar was a natural born leader. He was loved by the people, and people followed him because the people believed in him. Sound familiar? Jon is also a natural born leader, (with evidence from above), and the fact that he does whatever he can to protect his people too. The Battle at the Wall against Wildlings is an excellent example of how Jon leads his people, and how he protects his brothers. This is what ultimately leads him to become Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. 

Another trait that Jon took after Rhaegar, was his ability to sword fight. (To all the people who claimed that Jon couldn’t have killed the Night King in s8e3, because he’s not a good swordsman, or wasn’t “stealthy” enough: Fuck you. Lmaoo, jk.) In the books, out of Robb, Jon and Arya, who do you think is actually considered the better swordsman of the 3??? HMMMMMMMM I WONDER WHOOOOO???? While Robb is the better military tactician/commander, and Arya is pretty damn good with a bow, it’s JON who’s the better soldier. In the books, it is known that while Robb was better with a lance, Jon was better with a SWORD. Sooooo that just shat on all fancystans that claimed only Arya was “skilled” enough to kill the NK. LMAOOOO WHY DO YOU THINK THE NK EVEN AVOIDED 1 ON 1 COMBAT WITH JON?? BC Jon was slowing him down? LMAOO K, whatever helps you sleep at night. XDD (I’m still bitter about this one.)

Let’s also talk about Jon’s attitude in comparison with Rhaegar’s. Rhaegar, while being charismatic and passionate, was also very melancholic and very introverted. He was “born with a sense of doom.” Jon while also solemn and introverted, he has a “melancholic temper” to him. (Actually he gets this from both his mother and father. Rhaegar being melancholic, and Lyanna being wolf-blooded.) While Jon does not express his feelings much, when he is overcome with emotion, he acts impulsively. Going back to the “sense of doom,” Rhaegar was melancholic because he was born out of grief in the midst of tragedy. (Summerhall.) Jon, for obvious reasons, because he was a bastard and felt unloved. Who was ALSO born most likely out of GRIEF and in the midst of TRAGEDY. (Robert’s Rebellion.)  Both these two were an enigma by the people around them. Speaking of introverted, both these two broody boys loved to read too. And often used it as an escape from the real world. 

MORE PARALLELS: Both Rhaegar and Jon broke their vows FOR woman. Jon broke them twice. Jon broke his vows to be with Ygritte, but he BROKE THEM AGAIN for Arya. Interestingly enough, Rhaegar, if he really loved Lyanna or not, still BROKE HIS MARRIAGE VOWS for her. And Arya is a younger, direct parallel of Lyanna. So there is some beautiful symmetry going on here. Also, there is this nice little irony I found, that while Rhaegar represents FIRE, he has a melancholy made of ICE. And while Lyanna represent ICE, she has a WOLF-BLOODED TEMPER made of FIRE. Jon is the balance between those two. And one more parallel: From Ned’s POV we learn that Rhaegar did not frequent, or liked going to brothels. If we play this in with Jon, we learn from Jon that he HATES the idea of fathering a bastard. Which is actually a conflict that prevents him from sleeping with Ygritte on multiple occasions. He’s afraid of getting her pregnant, because he’s a bastard, and that would make his would be child a bastard too. 

So yes, while it’s evident that Jon has a lot of Ned in him--more so than ANY of the Stark children--aside from Arya, Jon has SO MUCH MORE of his biological father in him. And yes, it is important that Jon has Ned’s traits. It really puts emphasis on how Jon tries hard to be like his father, and how Ned’s presence and morals still lives even after he’s long dead. But the same should be claimed about Rhaegar too. His presence strongly lives on in Jon. And it shows very deeply, despite nobody knowing anything about it. Actually, you could probably theorize that Ned saw it in Jon too. 

This is why I HATE what the show has done with Jon. Other than saying fuck you to the Azor Ahai story in favor of fanservice, and not properly paying off R+L=J, the show ultimately decided to omit ANY IMPORTANCE Rhaegar had in this fucking wretched story. Let’s also not forget, the only reason why everyone’s storyline was there in first place was because of Rhaegar! Rhaegar Targaryen is arguably the REAL MAIN CHARACTER of ASOIAF and by making his whole storyline/character utterly meaningless, almost ALL the plot lines in GOT have become pathetically pointless and in vain. Jon in the books has both Ned’s traits AND Rhaegar’s traits. Adding MORE EMPHASIS to ICE & FIRE. By having both honor and morals, and the INTELLIGENCE to lead, you can be assured Jon would’ve made a good fucking King. His rule would literally be a direct replica of Aegon the Unlikely. Who was considered one of the BEST KINGS westeros had. But nooooooo the show just had to go out of their way and make Jon a Ned 2.0. Jon Snow was removed of all his intelligence and complexity to become a painfully 1 dimensional HONORABLE IDIOT. Where’s the balance? You know who would’ve been good at ruling the 7 kingdoms? I DON’T KNOOOOW, UHHHHH THE YOUNGEST LEGITIMATE SON OF RHAEGAR WHO NOT ONLY HAS A STRONG SENSE OF LEADERSHIP AND POWER, BUT ALSO THE DAMN MORALS AND HONOR OF THE MOST HONORABLE MAN OF WESTEROS AKA NED STARK??????? WHO HAS ALSO TAKEN NUMEROUS LEADERSHIP ROLES AND MENTORED UNDER SOME OF THE BEST RULERS/LEADERS OF WESTEROS IN HIS GENERATION??? But whooops, I forgot, DEEP/GOOD STORYTELLING IS ONLY FOR 8TH GRADE BOOK REPORTS. 

Jon though, is highly unlikely to become king of 7 kingdoms in the books though. Most probably just King in the North. But to those who say Jon doesn’t want power and all that, naaaaah. Jon’s always wanted to be a Stark. He’s always wanted to inherit something, or have power in some way. When Stannis was willing to legitimize Jon to get the North, Jon was actually contemplating on doing it. But then he saw Ghost and remembered his vows. So he declines. But Jon’s whole importance is actually to protect the realm against whites. And from the end of Dance, we are getting closer to that direction. Jon’s whole parentage while yes, makes him have the most legitimate claim to the throne, holds much more IMPORTANCE for the war against the Others. (Azor Ahai). However because of this whole AA/WW storyline, Jon becoming king, would make it that much more MEANINGFUL. A king that guarded and protected the realm from those who would harm it. A king worthy of ruling the realm. You can be certain that not only would his adoptive father be PROUD, but his biological father would be too. And that’s the ultimate reward that Jon’s ever wanted. 

But Jon’s arc in the show might actually be the same path he might take in the books. It’s a very appropriate ending for Jon to go North of the wall in the end and reject the throne. But holy fuck, the show made it so unrewarding and overall proved to be a terrible ending for Jon. IF GRRM has the same ending for Jon in the books, you can be damn assured that it’s going to be far more superior to his parallel ending in the show, and will be the most rewarding ending for Jon. (Kinda like what happens to Frodo in LOTR.) It will be Jon’s A Dream of Spring after a harsh winter’s night.

( Whether he wants it or not, I’m still hoping for Jon to be King of the 7 Kingdoms though.) This is really long, holy shit. Congrats for making it to the end. xD

#game of thrones #got spoilers #Jon Snow #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf #Rhaegar Targaryen #Lyanna Stark #rhaegar x lyanna #Ned Stark #Arya Stark #jonrya #house stark #house targaryen

[prorevenge]

Psycho Ex gets my egoless revenge with a side of heavy-duty karma.

The following story occurred over the course of 13-8 years ago, and I apologize preemptively for the length, because it is a bit involved.

I was in a relationship for 9 years with a girl I met in college. We broke up on the cusp of my 29th birthday. While breakups and divorce are never trauma-free, this one was as close to that as I believe is humanly possible to get, there were no fights and minimal drama, and I moved to a new city to get a fresh start and be nearer my dad/stepmom/half sisters, as I'm close to them and it was nice to have family during this. Get an apartment, start over, everything's good. Then I meet "her."

Things with her seemed good at first. She was the polar opposite of my ex. She's quiet yet nice, had her life relatively together (my first wife was very unfocused and horrible with money), physically a complete contrast, wild in the bedroom--I thought I had hit the jackpot.

Anyhoo, I fall for her hard. We have a whirlwind romance, move in shortly, and we have this glamorous life where we make good money (she was a corporate accountant, I had a decent small business, we're pulling in 150K+ combined), renting a luxury apartment, one car paid and the other brand new, no kids. Things are great, except that we drink too much together and some other underlying issues I'm blind to at the time. We get soused one night and drive to Vegas, and get married on the strip after 6 months of dating and 9 of knowing each other. The ink is barely dry on my divorce papers from version 1.0, but no matter, I'm in love. My family likes her overall. Her family loves me. We adopt cats. We talk about trying to have a kid.

We upgrade our life and take on more debt, just as the housing bubble bursts and the economy tanks, she loses a couple jobs due to her inability to show up on Mondays, and I start losing clients as the ones I have start cutting their advertising budget (my field). Things start to get pinched, and she first starts complaining, then gets petulant, because now we can't spend the way we used to, the quarterly mini-vacations dry up, plus we're cooking at home instead of going out to eat 4x a week. We basically stop having sex a little more than a year into the relationship (didn't realize it then, because I was dumb and love-blind, but she cheated on me during this period).seRealizing what we're up against with our normal bills plus our credit cards, I go out and get a job bartending at a posh resort, the only other real skill I have at the time that's marketable. I get two other part time gigs to help make ends meet. She still complains, and throws me an ultimatum before I even start getting paychecks, laying the blame at my feet. I say fine, screw this then. Had we stuck it out even a few more months, things would have started to turn a financial corner. Instead, she goes full two-faced, mean-spirited bitch on me. The night we first fight, she "attempts suicide" by scratching her wrist with a leatherman, then calls 911, gets admitted to the hospital (I arrive home to cops telling me this), and has the security guard toss me when I show up to see if she's okay because she doesn't want to talk to me. I use the quotes because there was a small collection of firearms nearby I bought for her target shooting hobby which were untouched, so it was obviously just a ploy for attention.

We basically fight for the next week, I give her everything she wants, which includes leaving the house, signing over my new truck to her, and only taking stuff I brought into the relationship, basically enough to fill a small storage space. She's financially pinched so I sell my office furniture for cash and don't even touch the bank account, just take my biz money and one CC I got separate from her. I go to the Bay Area for a few months, financially struggle, don't get the job I was sure was on lock. During this time, I have this revelation one evening--I drink too much and that it's caused a load of problems in my life, so I quit, and I haven't touched a drop since.

Broke and realizing nothing I try is working, I come back to town, live with my dad for a month, find a roommate, then a shit retail job (my business has dropped from 7-8K per month at its height to now around 500/mo), I bike everywhere bc I can't afford a car, and my credit is toast partially due to her love of spending on plastic, so I'm facing bankruptcy. I'm 31, and this is really humbling, but whatever, I'm alive, have dealt with hardship before, this won't last forever. She has kept her house, declared personal BK on her debts, keeps her car, and has been dating a series of men starting a couple weeks after we split. While I never asked the details, apparently she's also reached out to a few of my friends and badmouthed me a bit. This would be mildly annoying, but add in two factors--she's dragging her feet on the divorce due to not having money to file, keeps up contact on the pretense of us needing to talk, but plays emotionally manipulative head games during the whole sequence ("I've realized I still love you, that's why you can make me cry so easily," and other bullshit Hallmark movie lines like this). Also, we live in a suburb that's smaller and tightly knit, so multiple places I go to like my church, the bookstore I frequent, and the coffee shop right by my place, she talks endless shit to people. Says I was a cheater and physically/emotionally abusive (complete crap, but whatever), I'm stalking her, I supposedly stole tens of thousands of dollars from her, the whole nine. Some people actually believe her, I even get threatened by a wannabe biker one night that's literally twice my age with violence, itself a funny story but not the point.

Finally, after some more bullshit and back and forth, she leaves town (more falsehoods around this, including her borrowing a bit of money she didn't end up paying back, and sticking me with a massive overage on our cell bill right before we split the account). My dumb, trusting heart hurts but I'm mostly relieved to see the last of her, realizing she's only nice to me when she wants something. She goes to NY to shack up with another guy, gets pregnant 15 minutes later. Finally sends me divorce paperwork. I sign it and send back quickly, all notarized docs, everything organized and flagged. She attempts to be "friends" and I want no part of this BS. I'm businesslike, she gets upset. She screws up filing, blames me. I say "whatever," straighten out the court issues. One week after the divorce is finalized, the kid is born. No word from her after that for two years, thank god. I get a new career, start advancing in it, and start dating a new woman that I'm still with 10 years later. Weirdly enough, they knew each other, and she didn't like her, partially because one of my ex's infidelity partners was her ex-husband, during a time they were exploring patching things up for the kids' sake (though there were multiple reasons for her distrust, apparently she always gave my wife an icky intuitive feeling).

So flash forward two years. I get a call from my current squeeze. She's just talked to a friend who was also a very brief roomie of "her" after our split. She's breaking up with the baby daddy. There's a custody fight. He's saying he doesn't know if it's his. Will I help her? Well, it's the right thing to do, so even though I don't trust or particularly like her, I say yes. I get the call, and a sob story. Most of it doesn't add up--he took the kid, but thinks it's actually mine, to prove paternity I'd need to come to NY and take a paternity test at one of their facilities, also he hit her, put a GPS tracker on her car, brother is a Russian mobster who threatened her, all very far-fetched. Needless to say, even without this fanciful tale, I generally assume if this woman is talking, it's a lie, so I'm suspicious. Her lawyer calls me, and seems like a clueless shmuck. I get a letter from him, very unprofessional and not even on a letterhead (every other legal doc I've seen has "from the law offices of blah blah" on it, but this is literally just off a laser printer), and says, verbatim "I, M___ K___, am the ex-husband of J___ K___, and was married to her from 6/07-8/09. I have no legal interest in the child." Super shady.

Not wanting to end up in a situation where I've allowed myself to be legally fucked over, I make my own lawyer consultation appointment. Before I can even go, the baby daddy finds me on Facebook and sends me a message. Between calls with him, his lawyer, and the impartial lawyer NY state appoints for the child's welfare, I get a very different story. He knows it's his, he had a paternity test done on the sly at birth because she had been promiscuous before they got together, and she was pregnant so quickly he was concerned. They broke up because she was drinking too much, he busted her with a bottle of vodka as she was driving with the kid in the car. She stood up in court, claimed I was actually the father, and she had no idea where to find me (he found me in 10 seconds online, I'm a tech guy with massive social media presence, a tech blog, multiple writing credits on publications, my frigging name as a domain, plus I've had the same cell phone number for 14 years). Also the other BS was just that, he's an IT guy for a university and his brother works for a carpet cleaning chain, plus just like in our relationship, he never hit or stalked her, etc.

So she, not knowing what I know, starts sending me text messages. I say "Filled out and on its way back to your lawyer," and toss it in the trash. I'm so tempted to send her some poetic message about how the truth is coming back to haunt her, but I resist, because I'm not doing this for her, but rather for the sake of their son and his father, so let's keep my ego out of it. I provide legal statements to all in the court. Tell them I know it's not possibly mine because I hadn't been with her since April 15 of '08, kid's birthday is in Sept of '09 (I remember the date because, due to taxes, I got fucked twice that day). Explain when she was in NY, which is the likely dates of conception, prove I was thousands of miles away on the west coast. Tell them to look through her social media, where she meticulously tagged herself and took tons of pictures of even their mundane locations. Provide a blood sample to a local lab. Tell them salacious details about her drinking and occasional drug use, including her abused prescriptions and a previous hospitalization where she was held for psych eval due to taking way too many pills.

Court comes, and she gets blindsided. Stack of depositions and a collection of statements from me were what sealed the deal, apparently, and the incredibly stupid game she was running is fully exposed. Gets no custody, no support, supervised visitation once a week. I run into her ex-roomie, upset, but instead of giving her attitude, I just calmly tell her the scam J__ was running, then let her "pull out of me" the truth about our split. She's flabbergasted, but also a horrible gossip, so it gets around town like wildfire. People I barely know, including the aforementioned biker, all come up to me and apologize for misjudging me. I'm years past the stage of having any morbid curiosity to check her social media, but every few months she pops up as a "suggested friend," and I notice bemusedly the number of mutual friends plummets from triple digits to eventually 3. Baby's father sends me a massive Amex gift card for Christmas, as much as I make in a week at the time. I call and tell him I don't know if I can accept it, I don't want him or anyone to think I did this for a reward. He virtually begs, saying "you helped save my family. This is nothing in comparison. Thank you." We break down crying on the phone, and eventually form an odd, distant friendship based on mutual respect for each other. I even had dinner with him a couple times when I had to go to NY for biz over the years, and I always buy, because the poor guy has done enough and gone through enough having to coparent with this train wreck.

To this day, she's apparently struggling to stay sober (alcohol and other substances), and has minimal involvement in her child's life due to her inability to show up when expected. Baby daddy tells me she's been in legal trouble, financial issues up the ass, and a string of boyfriends that never last more than a few months. I'm doing well, got married again three years ago, raised step-children, am reasonably financially successful, and rather like my life. Granted, a large part of this story is just karma in action, but I feel like I did the right thing, wasn't petty, and what I did do hit her where it hurts.

TL;DR: Ex-wife fucks my life, destroys me financially, tries to trash my reputation, then tries to use me as a scheme in her custody battle years later. I talk to the court directly, work with the baby daddy's lawyers, and get her exposed for the psycho, lying wench she is. She loses custody, struggles, and the good people live mostly happily ever after.

(source) (story by heymomo7)

#prorevenge #by heymomo7 #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #revenge story #last10

[vrronica-sawyer]

oh my gosh your new post... when i came out to my friend she just told people (without my permission) that i was “gay” even though i told her i was bi. reinforced the whole “god maybe i’m a lesbian and just faking it” thing which i know isn’t true. bi passing privilege who?

God I hate that so much,,, 

literally being bi in school was so terrible i just.. stopped talking about it with anyone but close friends. I spent years coming to terms with my identity and building the courage to come out and when I finally did I was treated so shitty by gay and straight people in my life alike I just stopped telling people, forcing myself back into a closet I’d outgrown just felt so gross I settled on telling people I was just “gay” or saying I was a lesbian a few times when pressed about it bc it got a better response (not that lesbians have it better or smth, that was just a way of not pretending i was straight while also not getting constantly sexually harassed)

when I came out in school i:

1. had a friend start to try to get me to have threesomes with her various boyfriends throughout the years i knew her, originally just assuming I would join in if she started hooking up with them in front of me because i was bi and later on trying to trick me into it after I made it clear i wasnt interested bc she got so stuck on the idea of a threesome with a bisexual

2. Invited a friend in 8th grade to go to the movies with a bunch of our mutual friends and during the movie while sitting next to me he started trying to feel me up, when i shoved him off and got mad he said “I’m sorry I heard you were bisexual”

3. Sophomore year I was talking to a gay kid and straight kid in PE about the gay kid being gay, i mentioned being bisexual and the straight kid immediately started lecturing me about how I was gonna realize I was straight one day as soon as the “right guy fucked me” and how it was a phase and yada yada yada while the gay kid ignored all this and just calmly sat next to us.

4. Broke up with a girl I was “dating” (one of those early high school type dating situations where u just kinda,, hold hands once or twice and maybe go on a date and rarely see each other overall) and she got upset and said it was because I was just pretending to like girls for attention and told all our friends I hated lesbians and was faking being gay

5. Was invited to “hang out” with a cute girl and said yes but when I mentioned it to a friend she told me that girl had a boyfriend, when I confronted her about it (bc I aint a cheater!!!! ) she seemed confused and said “ya..? he can only watch if you want? You are bisexual right?” (if i hear “i thought you were bisexual” in response to being harassed one more time in my life i will actually take a person’s life)I’ve also been assaulted twice where both times my sexuality was involved/part of their reasoning. 

#assault mention #biphobia #homophobia

[jrbalufbfnzl]

12.p3

Back to journaling. A lot of stuff went through. Violence and breakups.

I finally broke free from feeling underapreciated and being discriminated because of my skin color

I am willing to proactively overcome my porn/masturbation issue and will talk it out with my shrink.

I had an encouraging talk with my boyfriend but he didnt mind to tell me that he was having second guesses about out ability to be happy living together. Bbeing separated would help us get away from all the violence and have a safe space and force us into trust or just break up if we cannot respect each other's boundaries but i wouldve liked him to update me because i felt like we werent on the same page but he regognized that hiding the process because he thought i knew wzsnt good esp when hes asking me for updates about how i feel. Maybe we would actually grow better apart and only spend good time together and spare ourselves a lot of violence. But idk if i can trust him but id make my days busy and sometimes hell come over and at other times ill come over and i would actually save up some money and have better days and we would both focus more on our goals and stuff ?

I also have a hard time processing the situation w his other friend but i guess its calming down kindz, idk. Zt lezst less physival contact and the more hell soend good time w me.the more casual their relationship will be bc theres less of a need of compensation. I need to get over thay not overhink it and understand that being good together will lead to arra.ge a lot of stuff znd doubts becaue he suffers from my depression.

Maybe were not ready to live w each other nad for him and bad for me bc too many occurences of violence bc we suffocate each other w our triggers and we maybe need time and space to grow apart and then one day decide to live together if its necessary but i dont think that moment will come at any time soon and fallouts will lead him to cheat i know hes stronger but too weak still. Mzyne thats a reason to leave him. Mayne living apart would somve so many issues and force us to let go off things attached to our mutual life like violence constant arguments constant pressure fear of porn znd masturbation znd feel more distanced from the relationship to grow more on our personal lived w out poluting ourselved bc having me time at home is hurting him and he xannot allow himself to have me time at home with me for multiple reasons.

Beginning of the day was gr8 but felt rly bad in the adternoon but took care od the dogs regardless. Was agressive this mornong and it was unlegitimate i regret and also i have nothing to say im the real cheater and liar. Cheated three times once out of lack of boundaries two times by vengeance.

Took me time to have brealthroughs glad we spoke but here we are now. Had a good start 2 weeks ago was ruined for a whole weeke trying to get back on my feets talking to people and gonna meet friends tomorrow i hope i have a good time.

[artificialqueens]

party chapter thirteen - shalaska - pureCAMP

A/N - i know it’s been so long. in fact, it’s been about eight months. it became difficult for me to continue this fic after it coming under fire so much. i was told it was cheap and stupid and as a fairly young writer, it got to me. i lost all motivation.

but we were so close to the end. we were moments away.

it’s short. but this is how i envisioned it. i hope you enjoy, thank you so much to anyone who read this. it means a lot <3

Their cab ride back home had been spent in a relatively awkward silence. For one, it seemed as though Sharon was slightly more rattled from running into her ex than she wanted to let on. Her knee was bouncing, the bones prominent through the thin fabric of her jeans. Alaska just needed a moment to mull over what had just happened, from the encounter right up to the impromptu confession she’d made.

It wasn’t a big deal, right? That was what the whole debacle spanning several months had been about. Alaska loved Sharon. Sharon loved Alaska. It had, essentially, ruined a tour, Sharon’s health, and the peace of mind of nearly all of their friends. So it wasn’t a big deal, that much was clear now. They were in love.

And yet it still felt like one. Mark’s words rang in her ears incessantly.

You’re good at brainwashing people, Aaron.

Sharon wasn’t a bad person. A four year relationship and a friendship afterwards had cemented that fact in Alaska’s mind. But that didn’t change that Sharon had an ugly side, a darker side, beyond the one that was revealed under the influence of illicit substances. There was the side of her that was nihilistic, offensive, the side that didn’t give a shit because she didn’t have a reason to. That side of her was rare, but it still existed.

Surely Sharon wasn’t lying, though. They’d been through so much together. No matter how cheap and stupid it may have seemed, the hard times had brought them together. It had been a wake-up call in many circumstances, from relationships to just plain health. It wasn’t something Sharon could lie about.

As they walked towards the front door – Sharon having paid for the ride and taken hold of Alaska’s hand as soon as they stepped out – Alaska started to relax again. She was just getting stressed; it was natural after such a weird turn of events. To walk hand in hand in the streets of Pittsburgh, a city now infamous thanks to the pair of them, that in itself was enough to skew her mind a little bit. Mark and his stupid little mind games were just the cherry on top of the stress cake.

Sharon flung herself down onto her couch as soon as she got inside, too tired to even properly take her shoes off. Instead, she opted to kick and shake them off as best as she could as she sank into the cushions, pulling Alaska down with her.

“So, you just said you loved me.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did.” Sharon persisted. “I heard it. I heard it come right out of your little mouth.”

Alaska chuckled at the childish game. “You must have me confused with someone else.”

“Like who?” Sharon laughed. “Who could I possibly have you confused with?”

She pretended to think. “Hmm. A boa constrictor?”

“I prefer feather boas.” Sharon muttered decisively. “They’re prettier. I know I heard you, Lasky. I even said it back. Don’t deny it.”

“Well then,” Alaska replied smugly. “If you know you heard it, why do you need to mention it again?”

Sharon puckered her lips for a kiss. Alaska gladly obliged.

“To make extra sure.” She said. “You don’t think I spent so many months worrying about this not to double check it, did you?”

Alaska softened. “The worrying can stop, Noodles. No amount of ugly exes, past relationships or overdoses are gonna stop me from loving you. I’m not encouraging any of those things, but… they won’t stop me loving you the way I do. Things turned out okay in the end, didn’t they?”

Alaska knew the saying was ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, but she wanted to change it. Stronger was perhaps a better word. They’d broken each other down and built one another back up again over years and years, and if anything, their hearts were stronger than they’d been before. More in tune than they’d ever been before. It seemed a break was all they needed, and that was all it had been; a break, not a break up.

The pair were comfortably silent for a while. There was no need to dive on top of one another, ravaging each other with kisses and sex and hickeys and everything that the love novels suggested. Rekindling a fire never encompassed dumping a bottle of gasoline and a box of matches onto the wood. Like a fire, it needed to be dealt with slowly, carefully, bit by bit until they got it right.

They had all the time in the world.

-

(7) New Messages

Willam: Alaska

Willam: Alaska

Willam: Goddammit you fucking snake why are you never awake when important news is breaking

Willam: good luck when you wake up bitch

Courtney: bill! This is serious!

Michelle: Not sure if you’ve seen Instagram and Twitter, but I’d hurry there if I were you. I’m guessing you’re not awake, but…

- Michelle Visage has sent a link –

It had been so comfortable, sat next to Sharon on the couch in silence, that Alaska wasn’t even aware the pair of them had drifted off until she suddenly awoke. Sharon’s hand was resting on her thigh, her head on her neck, and in Alaska’s right hand her phone flashed continuously. Stirring herself cautiously, so as not to wake up Sharon, she unlocked it and groggily read her messages.

Oh for fuck’s sake, she thought to herself. Not again. Why is it that the moment I’m happy, the moment anything good happens, something appears online?

A feeble part of her brain tried to convince herself otherwise. Maybe it wasn’t what she thought? Maybe it was just some snotty club cancelling one of her gigs, another article proclaiming Sharon to be a drug-obsessed Nazi – something standard and easy to brush off. There was a good chance it was another fan taking a stab at finding proof of ‘shalaska’, which again was fairly easy to ignore, if slightly amusing. Some of their theories were wild and some of them were, well, hilariously accurate.

Feeling a little blasé about the whole thing, Alaska opened her twitter. Nothing unusual. Mrs Kasha Davis spreading her positivity. A naked black guy with a gigantic cock, with a small ‘liked by Coco Montrese’ at the top of the photo. Katya spouting strangely ominous nonsense. Phi Phi interacting with fans. Ultimately, nothing seemed out of place.

She clicked trending. Various idiotic topics greeted her as usual. A sporting event, the resignation of a famous player who played… something, a funny hashtag about describing your boss with a movie title, and –

Oh.

That was what they meant.

Despite the words seeming frivolous, Alaska’s heart rate sped up upon reading them. #SharonNeedlesIsOverParty was one of the few trending topics, with a couple of hundred tweets about it.

Heart suddenly filled with dread, Alaska clicked. The first tweet, the most liked and retweeted one of all, was from an oddly familiar source.

Mark - @thatmarkman – Feb 1st

Imagine your already-shitty boyfriend leaving you to go date/fuck the ex that he abused #SharonNeedlesIsOverParty @SHARON_NEEDLES

-picture-

Enlarging the image, Alaska saw it was of herself – blurry, and from the back, but most definitely her. Her hand was entwined with the hand of somebody who hadn’t quite made it into the picture, but she knew was Sharon.

She swiped. This time the two of them were in it, still holding hands, at a side angle that would easily clear any doubts over the first image. Sharon’s side profile was abundantly clear, Alaska’s face almost fully visible. It was incriminating evidence.

angie<3 - @katyasbabyslut2004 – Feb 1st

WHY IS @SHARON_NEEDLES TRYING TO RUIN ALASKA’S CAREER JUST LIKE HERS >:( #SharonNeedlesIsOverParty

Ben||3 days - @delanoactzamomattel – Feb 1st

Wow i sure do love unstanning racist nazi cheaters! #SharonNeedlesIsOverParty

Victoria Ulgard - @trixyalaska49 – Feb 1st

Sum1 tell me this is photoshopped #sharonneedlesisoverparty

56 days - @adoorcilantrosplaid – Feb 1st

Feel like ive waited years for this damn hashtag to be a thing #SharonNeedlesIsOverParty #FINALLY

AB - @kimorasblackk – Feb 1st

Ew shalaska really? #gross #sharonneedlesisOVERparty

Leon :D - @leoshakesqueere1 – Feb 1st

Can someone explain whats going on omg i thought they broke up bc it was abusive?? #shalaska?? #sharonneedlesisoverparty

They went on and on, each one slamming Sharon, or Alaska, or both of them. A few were kind, clogging up the negative tag with positivity, but it did little to fix the issue.

Everything was now out in the open.

This was the last thing Sharon needed, and Alaska knew it. The recovery would be, and already had been, rough. It wasn’t going to get any easier anytime soon, and she didn’t need the added stress of seeing people going bananas over something that didn’t involve them. Sharon was more private than she liked to let on – this would only stress her out.

“Lasky?”

Alaska had been so caught up in scrolling through the madness that she didn’t notice Sharon stirring on her shoulder until the older queen spoke. She was squinting, her glasses having fallen off into her lap, and her brow was furrowed down at her own mobile.

“Why is Michelle texting me?”

A heavy sigh escaped from Alaska’s lips. She couldn’t lie about it. It was inevitable that Sharon would find out; she might as well deliver the news as gently as she could.

“…Your asshole of an ex told the world about us.”

She waited for the reaction.

After a couple of seconds of silence, Sharon nestled down into Alaska’s shoulder again, her eyelids still heavy from sleep.

She yawned. “Is that it?”

Alaska shifted her arm to pull Sharon closer to her, appreciating the calming warmth of having another body by her side. Sharon dropped her phone into her lap, not caring about it, and opened her eyes momentarily to gaze into Alaska’s.

“The thing is…” She began sluggishly, clearly still half-asleep. “It doesn’t fucking matter… ‘cause, I love you baby. ‘N you love me too. The whole world don’t have to love us.”

Within seconds of soliloquising, her eyes were closed again, her body growing heavier against Alaska’s. She sounded so sure, so certain, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It didn’t matter, she was positive. All that mattered was their love shared, right?

Alaska wasn’t as convinced as she wanted to be. “I don’t know, Sharon… this could have repercussions. It’s so soon…”

“Trust me, pumpkin… you lose a gig, I lose a gig… doesn’t matter. We’re famous ‘n involved in a scandal. We’re hot shit.”

The words were so painfully Sharon that Alaska couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe she was right after all. Logically, she knew it wasn’t going to get any worse than this. Mean tweets, or perhaps a rude comment, or something snotty on Reddit – that would be the beginning and end of their troubles. Of course Sharon’s overdose would remain a problem, but at the same time, the news was dying down. It seemed as though, when it came to Ru Girls, everything flared up for days and then dissipated again.

It was cliché. Beyond cliché. But that didn’t matter. Alaska switched off her phone, putting it face down on the coffee table and gently stroking Sharon’s hair.

Gigs didn’t matter. Mean comments didn’t matter. Unkind tweet and speculations didn’t matter.

What mattered was happiness, love and health.

Happiness. Only months ago, Alaska had expected she wouldn’t find proper happiness again. Confusion shrouded her mind from the obvious, pulling her away from her instinctive thoughts. She stopped following her gut and started following her head, knowing in the back of her mind that this was the same head that caused her self-depreciating thoughts. The head that caused the meltdowns, the tantrums, the angry fits that made her appear overly-competitive and petty. In hindsight, she needn’t have listened to her head. Her heart knew what it wanted. Her heart knew what it needed.

Love. That had been the difficult one. She hadn’t even wanted to recognise the way she was feeling, and had just silenced herself in order to keep up the illusion. In a hotel years ago, she’d decided to listen to her heart and break away – and in another hotel later on, she’d decided not to. For so long she denied herself the very idea; love doesn’t die when a relationship does. It had taken a while. And maybe, just maybe, it didn’t feel as explosive and all-consuming and fiery as it had when they were young, dumb and broke. Maybe, just maybe, the gentle warmth and softness between them, the delicacy of Sharon’s sleeping face and the weight of her body next to her, was enough. Maybe, just maybe, that was love too.

Health. Admittedly, they weren’t doing too well at this one. But it was a start. Sharon was starting to get better. The problem was acknowledged, and being tackled. After one of her many mood swings from angry to guilty, she’d told Alaska she was going to limit her cigarette intake. Originally, she’d decided to quit completely – a resolution that lasted all of five minutes before a craving struck her. Still, it was something. Drugs were out of the window and cigarettes were slowly disappearing. It was something. Progression.

It wasn’t perfect. They would never be perfect. Alaska would always be sensitive, a perfectionist, and prone to reacting negatively when things didn’t always go her way. Sharon would always want to find solace in a bar, to block out the bad feelings with a substance or two, and revert back to her old ways. They would never be perfect. And love certainly wasn’t going to fix that.

But there was nothing they could do to change the imperfections.

So, with as much blasé as she could muster, a brief imitation of her old old friend, Alaska smiled to herself.

Party.

#shalaska #sharon needles #alaska thunderfuck #party #purecamp #rpdr fanfiction #submission #party by purecamp

[brianyololau]

August 10th 2020

I got some mothafucken tea bro. In fact it’s not even tea anymore. It’s monster energy. Dark shit I did not know about till now. ABUSE. CHEATING. PTSD. MANIPULATION. PUSSIES. I realized that my family has made mistakes that back then would be seen as them being pussies and a manipulative cult. Not a great way to start the conversation, but I have a right to be mad because my family has kept secrets from me that I didn’t know until Bao spilled the tea and fingerpainted a canvas for me to see. The dots did not connect till now. Their dad was a cheater, physical abuser, liar, honey dicker, and a playboy. All of the worst things in a guy ... and my family kept that from me. I was told that he and his wife just did bad shit that made them leave, but from what Bao told me, no. Kicking your wife’s hand so hard as she’s reaching for the phone to dial 911 that it broke and hearing her cry out while her daughter heard mustve been the most asshole tier thing I’ve heard on the same level as Eric’s dad. Imagine going to work the next day with a broken hand and not going to the hospital. Bao’s mom’s hand still hurts to this day and she has scars. I learned that their mom had a missing toenail from abuse and had to drive herself to the hospital with her 2 daughters by herself. She got pulled over by a cop and had to ask her children to translate to the cop that she had no one to drive her to the hospital and was driving herself there slowly bc of the pain and bawling to the cop. THE COP LET HER GO. fuck is this shit. The guy that my family said they saw her come home with actually helped her escape from Cali and transition into a new life. Cau Bao used to take the kids to eat pho, come home, and tell their mom to pay him back for the bill. He was living under Cau Long’s roof. So, he and everyone else knew all along. My grandparents were in on this shit too. wtf is this cult family. Who hides stories of abuse from their kids?? I cant believe I grew up thinking Cau Bao was cool af and wanted to be like him. I WANTED TO BE LIKE AN ABUSIVE FATHER? nahhhhhhhh bruh. My mom apologized to my cousins. That was right of her, but she never told me what happened and how common it was to hit ur fucking wife and kids. I was raised under a fucking rug dude. My family kept telling me to forgive my dad and dont make him feel bad, BUT FUCK THAT. Im done trying to give face and move on from other people’s shit that affected you. Things are never going to get BETTER if I dont communicate every toxic thing that has happened. Im only gonna settle for LESS and move on. Frustration is coursing through my mind rn. I cant. I cant because I was manipulated into believing my family was JUST. THIS IS JAIL. Being a bystander means youre part of the problem and thinking it’s okay is just as bad. My cousins’ mom was willing to through 10+ more years of abuse to give her children a mom and dad but wouldnt bat an eye to leave her high paying nail job and possessions to take her kids to Florida when she saw how badly Cau Bao smashed Bao’s head in. Bao told me she had to hide in a closet to avoid being abused too. This is so frustrating to think about. To think that my mom still kept their mom’s drawer that she bought to this day... wtf? get rid of that thing. I see their perspective now. I see the resentment on this family. Why were they keeping secrets from me? THIS WHOLE FAMILY KNEW. IM GOING TO FIND THIS SHIT OUT EITHER WAY. abusive controlling manipulative. I didnt realize our family was like this. And they are telling me to not involve myself with other people’s business other than family?? What about my cousins’ mom? Was she not family? Are we also going to ignore the elephant that was in the room? My grandparents too? the fuck? GOODDDDD DAMN THIS SHIT RUNS DEEP. dead facepalm. what the actual fuck. Then I hear about my grandma telling Bao how she couldnt imagine everything Bao had to go through recalling when Bao said she was so sad living here that she wanted to kill herself at 8 years old? WHAT????? im fuming. there too much fuel and coal rn. I CANT BELIEVE THE FAMILY WAS IN ON THIS. and they still sided with cau bao... is this a cult? no i refuse to live like this. im no longer giving the benefit of the doubt to this extent and walking away. im going in headfirst into where the water runs where it shouldnt be. Ive always felt that my family has mostly been right in their approach with some wrong traditional values. Ive thought Cau Bao was the coolest dude for as long as I can remember till this year and Ive always thought I should tend to not be involved in ppl’s business if it’s not directly affecting me. holy shit I will clap back so fucking hard now. and ill do it because i got standards for family. a real family is what it should sound like. a REAL family.

apart from this unleashed rage, out of all the years ive been living with cau bao, I do acknowledge that he has changed. He loves Bao and Anh so much. He’ll love them till his last breath. 

ive also learned today that Bao is a savage. saw it with my own eyes.

also realized that i cant hold back anymore. hearing the real story of my cousins’ childhood makes me sick to the stomach. My dad, cau vu told me to stop being upset with my dad and just forgive him. cau long told me to just take this as a life lesson. my mom told me i shouldnt feel obligated to and just see it for what it is and move on. HELL NO FUCK THIS SHIT. if i turn another bat’s eye to what a dipshit of a father figure i had was, imma flip shit. im going ham bro. how can i have sympathy when i dont even know what it means to have a dad? i srsly lived with this guy until i was 18 AND I STILL DONT FUCKING KNOW HIM. STORIES DONT COUNT I NEED MEMORIES.

i remember hearing cau long saying if cau bao and his ex wife stayed theyd be good now. For some reason, it made me think no that wouldnt have worked. and then the story unfolded. so no it definitely wouldnt have worked.

[steph-into-my-soul]

I haven’t been on tumblr maybe since 2018 and this account is my “real” account where no one in real life knows I have this account or follows me. I went thru horrible breakups since then an abusive boyfriend and a guy who used me and impregnated a girl will we where talking. I was sooooooo B R O K E N

I stayed single for a year (yes that a long time but hold on) side note: I’m writing this for myself . So I was single for a year I reunited with my friends who hated those exes I became super close with gabby and I reunited with my friend from middle school. As dumb as this sounds I NEEDED IT. I went on vacation, I went out and I drank! God I drank so much I was happy but empty so empty and so sad. There were days when I was so thankful I had these friends to help clear my mind and distract me. I do wish I would’ve stayed single longer because we had sooo much fun. Crazy how you can meet a group of girls for a short time and become closer than friends you’ve known forever. I wanna share some pictures again for myself

So why was I sad. In December 2018 I met a guy at a party that night we went to get breakfast together . A week later we went on our first date to the movies and yes I kissed him. The next couple of weeks we talked all the time I even slept over, he told me all the right things the sweetest things you would ever want anyone to say to you. Then just like that he ghosted me. If you thought I was broken before this destroyed me. Side story bc this is where it all goes to shit. So my last real boyfriend meaning we actually dated the (abusive) one , right before we broke up I was already out of love with him and tbh I don’t think I was ever in love I think I was just lonely. So I was already planning on breaking up with him my feelings were not there. In October I got a text from a guy in Texas and yes I knew him we’ve seen each other in Mexico before. And I figured why not entertain this especially bc I was already planning on breaking up w my bf. So I broke up with him in November the first day I think. And me and the Texas boy texted almost everyday but I’ve heard things about him ( Cheater, man whore, jealousy) the list goes on. I’ve never been interested in him I’ve seen him maybe two times and did not think anything of him. But I was bored so why not he was funny right what could go wrong right? Then that’s when I met the one in December. Yeah the one who ghosted me who destroyed me I didn’t care about Texas boy I didn’t care about any one besides THE ONE. But he was gone he left me. I was so mad so so so depressed ! What did I do? I went to Mexico that December and met up with Texas guy. I could not stop thinking about THE ONE. I cried almost every night . You know as the girl you always ask yourself “what did I do wrong” and “ why doesn’t he love me”. So I decided let me have fun I’m still single. I went to all the parties I. Mexico with Texas boy and then January comes . This story is long already and I wanna get to the best part so January passes so does February I’m still talking to Texas guy and he drops a whole bomb on me . “I got a girl pregnant “ yeah I wasn’t the only one he was talking to big surprise coming from him huh? Ok I was sad bc why does this keep happening to me. I’m the mean time I can’t get over THE ONE. Then March comes and “he” is back. On my Snapchat on my ig and he hits me up. We meet up March and April we were back Together amazing right? Wrong? He GHOSTS ME AGAIN. This time it’s already July 2019 I’m at a club I’m having fun and guess who I see ??? Yuppppp THE ONE. We don’t talk at all we barley make eye contact then I go home alone :( . But that day I got so drunk I fell I twisted my ankle. I’m so drunk I SNAPCHAT HIM A PICTURE OF MY BROKEN ANKLE. He replies my heart melts I can’t sleep I’m tooo excited. And let me just tell you July - August is amazing we hung out every single day. September comes and I’m his GIRLFRIEND. I’ve never been happier I told him I loved him in August he loves me tooo 🥰. December 2019 I move in with him. April 2020 I MARRY HIM! I’m married to the love of my life, I’m a WIFE and I’m so extremely happy I’m scared 😟 I don’t wanna ruin this amazing thing but he loves me just as much. He explain to me his reasons for his ghosting and although he could’ve done it better I forgave him because he’s proven to me his love. And I know how real this is I love him with all my ❤️ let’s end this extremely long note with cute pictures of us !

[planetjeon]

i’m not her. | mingyu [pt.1]

inspired by / alt. ending to fake dating mingyu by @saythename17scenarios - read it here bc i just had to add angst to it- p.s. i hope you don’t mind me doing this, i just really loved the series!!!

part two masterlist words: 2.8k genre: angst. i live for heartbreak. summary: you continue to fake-date mingyu, your best friend you’re actually completely in love with but he’s found someone else.. for real now.

ever since the kiss he’d surprised you with at the spring festival, you’d been itching at another kiss but so far, it’d just been light kisses on cheeks, noses, foreheads in doorways of classes or in the halls for people to see.

one day while at the coffeeshop he worked at, you sat in front of your books, twiddling the pen in your hand distractedly. you’d tried studying but your eyes kept flitting to your “boyfriend” making drinks - his arm muscles tensing as he grabbed the full milk jug from the fridge, the look of intense concentration plastered across his face while he skilfully created a heart with foam over a customer’s latte.

after he finished a particularly long line of drinks, he leant over the counter where you sat to rest, trying to read your notes upside down. his face inches from yours, you could see a clear sheen of sweat across the back of his neck and forehead and you reached out to wipe it for him with your sweater sleeve.

he looked up as you did that, grinning cheekily. “thank you, darling.” he said, emphasising the pet name he’d given you as your “boyfriend”. your cheeks flushed slightly and you could feel your heart rate picking up, wishing he meant it.

unable to help yourself, you pushed yourself up from your seat slightly to press your lips onto his, catching him by surprise.

just as fast as you’d initiated it, you ended the kiss, a little afraid of his reaction, mentally slapping yourself for being so outright with it.

you cleared your throat awkwardly, picking up your pen again and pretending to study. you glanced up a little to see his eyes wide, shocked and confused. you jerked your head subtly to the back of the cafe, where a few of your schoolmates sat. “they were looking.” you lied, not knowing if they actually were.

his eyes softened at your words. “right, of course.” he seemed to believe it and went back to work.

the moment his back turned to you, you let out a sigh and a small smile as you recalled the feeling of his soft lips on yours. 

as weeks passed, soft kisses on the lips became a more normal occurrence. you would exchange looks with him whenever people you knew were nearby while at the mall, at the coffeeshop, at school and both of you would lean in, sickly, loving smiles spread stupidly across your faces as your lips met for never more than three seconds, followed by silent laughs in each other’s shoulders when your audience had left.

there really wasn’t a need to prove your relationship anymore, but you loved the idea of kissing mingyu so much that you tried to keep it going and he just played along. deep down, you wished he was doing it because he wanted to kiss you as well.

the blissful pretence of being mingyu’s “girlfriend” was cut short one day when he ran up to you excitedly after class and didn’t plant a small kiss on your cheek like he had been doing since the whole thing began.

“i just met this amazing girl.” he said, slightly out of breath from excitement.

the six words sank into you and your smile dropped a smidge - still there, just unfeeling. “you.. what.. who?”

“i bumped into her outside the dorm, she’s new, she was lost and gorgeous and so funny and i walked her to her class and she’s just-” he let out a sigh at the end, grinning like a lovesick fool, unable to even finish his sentence.

you felt your heart rate pick up just as it had every time mingyu and you kissed but this time, it was for a different reason. a lump formed in your throat and your neck and ears burned in anticipation of what was going to happen next. 

as the two of you walked to his workplace, there was an annoying bounce in his step. your hand was wrapped around his, something you’d done purely out of habit and you realised his was loose, not holding onto yours. 

embarrassed, you quickly let go of his hand. he seemed to notice the loss of contact and looked down at you but you turned away, pretending to be interested in whatever was on your phone.

if he had anything to say about it, he didn’t, and the rest of the walk went on in painful silence. 

as you watched your best friend whom you were undoubtedly in love with walk into the back kitchen of the cafe, still smiling like an idiot, you realised you’d lost him. it hadn’t struck you properly that the last few months had only been pretend. you’d let yourself get so lost in fake-dating mingyu that your delusional mind had allowed yourself to believe that it had become real.

you met the girl he was so completely smitten for the next day when she came to visit him at work. lana. she’d sat next to you on the counter seat that was essentially yours before, considering how much time you spent there. the entire time he was working, mingyu kept stealing glances at her, completely overlooking you.

people were starting to whisper about him possibly cheating on you and as much as you wanted them to believe you were still with him, having those rumours circling your best friend wasn’t what you wanted either.

when you could finally pull him aside and have a proper conversation with him, you suggested a staged breakup to put him in the clear before he could start actually being with lana.

“okay, so how do we do it? stage a fight? at the cafe?” he asked.

“no, that would mean we wouldn’t even be able to stay friends. we could just have like a mutual break up. sit across from each other, look sad, suggest a breakup and agree to amicably part ways and remain best friends because we just no longer love each other.”

as you looked at mingyu, you realised he was barely paying attention, instead exchanging silly faces with lana who was seated next to your usual counter seat, her bag on where you usually sat.

“mingyu.” you called for his attention back.

“huh? yea. why don’t you plan it and i’ll come by later to work it out?” he asked, still not fully with you.

you sighed, nodding. “yea sure, come over at-” 

“yea, yea i will, see you!” he didn’t even let you finish your sentence before rushing back to behind the counter, closer to lana.

you squeezed a napkin tight in your hands as you willed yourself not to cry in front of everyone. standing up to grab your bag, you glanced around you to see a few pairs of eyes belonging to your schoolmates, looking at you, then at mingyu and his new girl, then back at you again.

you sighed. you had to end this before mingyu got the reputation of a cheater.

as you exited the cafe, you turned around to wave goodbye to mingyu but he didn’t look once in your direction, too focused on serving lana. giving up, you turned your back and went to your dorm.

the moment you entered your room, soullessly dumping your bag on the ground and leaping into bed face-flat, your roommate knew you’d done it.

“broke up with him already?” she asked, a kind undertone to her voice so as to not upset you.

you shook your head into your bedding, letting out a scream of frustration as you pounded your arms on either side of your head. 

“then what’s happening?” 

lifting your head up to look at her on her bed, you let out a sigh. “i’m supposed to stage the breakup and let him know how its going to go.”

“did you think about my other suggestion?” she prompted.

you glared at her from behind your matted hair falling in front of your face. “i’m not going to tell him how i really feel, (rm/n). not an option.” 

she lifted her hands up in surrender. “i’m just saying, he could have been harbouring secret feelings for you all this time and just never voiced them to not ruin your friendship.”

you sat up, grabbing a pillow to squeeze. “yea but me telling him how i really feel could also ruin our friendship. it works both ways and i’m not risking losing him completely.” thoughts of mingyu practically ignoring you to talk to lana flashed into your mind. “if i haven’t already.” you added.

your roommate sat still for a brief moment before standing up and heading to her desk in the corner of the room to grab a pad of paper and a pen. “write down what you would’ve said to him if you’d confessed.” she said simply, placing the pad and pen on your bed in front of you.

you glanced up at her confusedly. “trust me.” she said. “i’m a psych student, remember? one thing we learn as humans, not just psych students is that you should never keep anything bottled up or you just might explode.” she said, returning to her own bed. 

jerking her head to the pen and pad, she made a writing motion with her hands. “write down how you feel and burn it afterwards. might make you feel better.”

sighing and rolling your eyes at the ‘homework’ she had given you, you reluctantly picked up the pen and paper and began writing.

kim mingyu:

how long have we known each other? long enough to know exactly what the other person would order in their subway sandwich, long enough to know exactly how many freckles paint the other person’s face, long enough for me to know so much about you that i fell in love with my best friend.

it’s been an amazing couple of months playing house with you, getting to pretend someone as amazing as you could overlook the best friend label of lil ‘ol me and see me as someone you would want to love. it was an amazing feeling - being yours.

i never actually imagined the day would come when you would have to leave the nest we built with each other and join someone new. a stupid thought, i know. how dense can i get? 

lana seems great. she laughs at all your stupid jokes while i just roll my eyes and call you an idiot. she brings you cookies while you’re at work while i eat half your lunch before you even get a chance to stop me. she makes you happier than i ever could and while it pains me to see that i could never be how she is to you, i am eternally grateful to her for making you smile.

i want to be able to tell her to be patient with you while you’re in an experimenty mood with your cooking because the third time is always the charm. i want to tell her to excuse your sweaty palms and strangely sweaty ears and that you’ll love it if she would run her fingers through your hair while you lie on her lap and listen to the stomach noises that she probably doesn’t have. i want to tell her to make a stack of blue pancakes with strawberries and mango only every year on your birthday and to always remember to take the olives off your pizza. i hope she supports your dream of becoming a model/singer/dancer/rapper/chef/soccer player-extraordinaire. i hope she never misses any one of your auditions, games, performances.

but i’m sure she’ll learn all of these things soon enough, and you won’t need me to do them anymore. i’m glad i could be of use to you to chase off all those other girls until you finally found one you liked. and i’m sorry that was all i could do for you.

i’m not sure when exactly i knew i loved you, it could have been after you kissed me at the spring festival or it could’ve been way before that when you decided a tall, multi-talented, miraculously clumsy boy could be friends with an equally-clumsy, less talented, not-as-tall girl.

(rm/n) said writing this would make me feel better but it’s really not. i wish i could say all of this to you, see your reaction, then rewind time to when i didn’t say it just so i could save myself a lifetime of wondering ‘what if’.

but i just have to accept the fact that i no longer will be, never was and never will be, yours.

“you put down the pen and paper and threw yourself back against the headboard, sighing in defeat. 

“done with it?” your roommate asked.

you shrugged your shoulders. you weren’t sure what would qualify as being done. were you supposed to spell it right out - ‘i love you kim mingyu’?

“yes, that’s exactly what you should do.”

rolling your eyes once again at her orders, you reached for the pen and wrote in big bold letters at the bottom of the piece of paper. 

I LOVE YOU KIM MINGYU.

-(Y/N)

you brought the piece of paper up to show your roommate. “better?” you asked sarcastically.

she grinned and nodded. “much. now, do you wanna come with me to get the cheesiest pizza in the world to drown your sorrows?” 

you couldn’t help but perk up a little at her suggestion. she always knew how to make you feel better. “definitely. just let me take a shower, i reek of heartbreak.” you joked.

it was her turn to roll her eyes. “alright, shower. i’m just gunna drop off my thesis at the staff building and i’ll be back and we can go, okay?”

you hummed an agreement before retreating into the bathroom and letting yourself sink under the loud, roaring water, wishing for the ache in your heart to be washed away. your shower playlist blasted through the speaker you had perched on the sink right outside the shower and you allowed yourself to get lost, away from what seemed like the most unfair reality.

if you’d been paying attention and listening hard, you would have heard the vibration of your phone on the sink outside the shower. you would’ve seen mingyu’s name pop up on the screen, showing he was calling you. you would’ve seen three messages from him:

can i come over now?

hello?

i’m coming over nowwwww.

if you’d been listening hard, you’d have heard the lock to your room turn and the door open.

while you were showering, mingyu had used the key you’d given him for your dorm to unlock the door and come into your room. when he heard the shower on, he decided to make himself comfortable on the bed and wait for you to be done like he’d done so many times before.

as he carelessly threw himself on top of your many pillows, he heard the crinkle of paper and rolled over to check what it was.

his eyes immediately fell to the large, bold words at the bottom of the paper and he faltered slightly at the sight of his name within that sentence, as well as the signatory below it.

it felt wrong to be reading what had to be your deepest secret but he couldn’t fight temptation, especially when he knew it was supposed to be addressed to him.

by the time he read the last line, he was trying to convince himself you’d left that out there for him as a joke, knowing he was going to come over and read it.

when you stepped out of the bathroom in one of mingyu’s shirts that fell down to slightly above your knees, and a towel in your hair, you were surprised to see him sitting on your bed.

“oh yea, i forgot you were coming over.” you hadn’t noticed the piece of paper sitting in front of him just yet, moving to the other side of the room to pick up your hairdryer. “i’m going out for pizza with (rm/n), wanna come and we can discuss the ‘breakup’ later?” 

silence.

you turned around to see why you didn’t receive a reply and your eyes finally caught sight of the slightly crumpled piece of paper lying in front of mingyu. the glaring words that summed up your confession were obvious enough to read even from where you were standing and you froze, almost dropping your hairdryer.

“m-mingyu, i-” 

“this is a joke, right?” he forced out a laugh but his expression was dead serious. worried, even.

you were torn between laughing it off with him and pretending you’d set the whole thing up and coming clean so you wouldn’t have to struggle to come up with lies to cover this one up.

when you didn’t say anything, he pushed himself off your bed, smoothing down his clothes. 

“i have to go.” he said, his voice soft. 

you didn’t dare to lift your head to look him in the eye.

“e-enjoy your pizza.” he said before leaving you faced with a closed door.

-

#hello i havent posted any writing in forever but i have a couple in the works but i was the most excited to post this hehe #please let me know what you think!!!! feedback is so so so much appreciated #mingyu #seventeen #scoups #seungcheol #joshua #jisoo #hong jisoo #jeonghan #svt #17 #jihoon #woozi #hoshi #soonyoung #wonwoo #jun #wen junhui #mingyu fic #mingyu imagine #mingyu angst #mingyu scenario #seventeen fic #seventeen imagine #seventeen scenario #seventeen angst #angst #fic #writing

[studygrrl]

this is gonna be a doozy

this is a personal thing i just need to get it off my chest its about love and heartbreak and all that jazz

i am in love with a boy. i will call him K. i am in love with K. i don’t know when it happened. i can’t even tell you why i love him. i just do. last semester, him and i got on the wrong foot relationship wise bc i realized he had a gf back home and he was cheating on her with me. before K, i had a boyfriend of 10 months that i was crazy for, and a week before i left for college, i found out he cheated on me. i broke up with him and my trust was fucked and i thought that cheaters were the absolute scum of the earth. so when i found out K had a gf, i was so upset. i thought i would just be able to drop him. but for some reason, i couldn’t. i literally could never go longer than a week or two without coming back. i didn’t think at this point i loved him, but i knew i liked him. to give anyone listening a description on this guy, he’s incredibly intelligent, charming. he woos crowds over as easy as he breathes. his smile and laugh are incredibly wholesome. he is cynical, and indifferent about many things. but he holds a light in him, a light that anyone can see. he was destined for greatness. he was born to lead a nation. i see it and i want it to grow even more. he’s easy on the eyes, too. soft curls, green eyes that remind me so much of earth and plants and flowers. a smile that just makes you smile too. his body is perfectly sculpted, it makes my belief in god just a little more solid bc i know someone took their time making him. 

so me and him are finally dating. we eat lunch together practically every day, we eat dinner together every night, i crawl into bed with him, we nap together, we do our homework near each other, our whole relationship consists of us teasing each other. everything is pretty good. in fact, it’s really good. and every time i see him, this voice in my heart wants to tell him “i love you”. but i can’t. i mean he knows i do, i admitted i was in love with him over a month ago. but it’s different now that we are dating. i want him to say it first so that i know he just isn’t pressured by the fact i feel it. god i almost want to cry, i’ve never felt something so intense. i love him, i love him and part of me wishes i didn’t, but i’m here and i can’t go back. love is perhaps one of the most life-changing feelings. loving him has made me forget how much i hate myself. all i want to do is make him happy. that’s all i want, to see him happy would make me happy.

this was such a mess and i know this is a studyblr but honest to god this blog is also me growing up and trying to realize what the fuck it means to be human. thanks and goodnight.

#samantha speaks #not studyblr lol sorry