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hyperfixat · 6 months

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hehe here's this 2k brain rot that @suiana's post gave me (permission proof - not a thief!)

i turned caelus into a they them not sorry. also if the formatting is odd, i’m on my pc and i usually use my phone so.

They’re back. Again.

March has to stifle the screams of anger she wants to let out as the shackles of stillness finally free her. Like ice melting Caelus and Dan Heng begin to move around, continuing where they had left them stranded and abandoned, left to stay stagnant at their whim.

The worse thing is that she can’t even complain, not for lack of desire to do so, no, no she physically cannot voice her complaints. And March knows she isn't crazy, she’s caught the twinge of annoyance in Welt’s eyes when he unpaused; seen the ghost of a scowl on Seele’s face; even the carefully controlled hardened gaze of Dan Heng has cracked before.

The Trailblazer is the only one who hasn’t cracked, obediently stopping when they will them to do so, and ever so happy to come back at their will. March wants to corner them and ask how and why, if they know what's going on, but alas: she must trot along with her friends at their wicked will.

Dan Heng doesn't know what you are, because surely you can’t be an Aeon. Aeons don’t hold the powers you do, even if they did surely there would be some record of you in the archives, right? No Aeon dead or alive has the ability to puppeteer humans, and it frightens him that there is something out there that is using him in such a way. It embitters him, both the unknown surrounding them and the way he is treated; how his whole world is put on a pause while he remains aware. Aware of how the breeze stills and the stars stop twinkling, how the world goes silent. What could hold such power?

A shudder runs down his spine as he follows the Trailblazer’s party.

Welt has witnessed a lot in his time. Nothing quite like them, though.

Himeko has witnessed a lot in her time. Nothing quite like them, though.

Bronya, Seele, Sampo, and Natasha have witnessed a lot in their time. Nothing quite like them, though.

Yukong, Loucha, Fu Xuan, and Jing Yuan have witnessed a lot in their time. Nothing quite like them, though.

Kafka, Blade, and Silver Wolf have witnessed a lot in their time. Nothing quite like them, though.

The different paths they all walk may intervene, as their personalities and beliefs may differ but there is one truth they can all agree on.

They hate you.

Caelus doesn’t. Rather, Caelus can’t help but love you; you gave them life and led them through their trials. You keep them safe and armored. You help them find the words to face others when their mind goes blank.

To Caelus you are the world.

The Aeons came to know of you when Dan Heng’s frantic searches focused on them for a little too long. While he was scanning the records they saw you. You were intriguing from the get go, a pretty thing, sitting comfortably as a figure in the sky. The Preservation and The Nihility, whose current forms allow for more ease with floating went as far as they could to reach you.

Yet you remain just out of reach of the Aeons.

The Abundance uses one of her many arms to steady herself as she crawls along the very fabrics of their reality to get a closer look at you. And what a darling thing you are! Excitement that she hasn’t felt in a long, long time, perhaps for the first time ever fills her up inside. With a shaky hand, she motions for the other Aeons to take a closer look at you.

From there the… shall we say, worship, began.

Nanook, The Destruction, takes note of your fondness for certain characters, and what his darling likes, he likes, so when the Antimatter Legion he has blessed come across the ones you are fond of, their attacks are lighter and they lose his blessing temporarily. Sure, he wished some of the gushing from beyond the sky was for him, but you so rarely see his face on the screen (only ever in the Simulated Universe you put that Caelus through) he can’t blame you.

IX, The Nihility, will not change in their ways, not even someone like you can shift the nihilism they embody, but, perhaps you don’t notice it, your teams deal better damage over time, don’t they? Don’t take their blessings lightly, it took a lot to bring them there.

Yaoshi, perhaps makes it the most obvious (despite you never noticing), your favorite vessels get a wonderfully boosted health bar. You never knew to question how Blade managed to get nine thousand hit points.

It’s hard to pinpoint who thought of it first, perhaps IX or Fuli, but the Aeons, the strongest Aeons, gathered to pull you down from beyond the sky. Through a (top secret) ritual you find yourself being hurtled down like a meteor into the freezing snow of the Outlying Snow Plains.

…

You wake to the kind face of Caelus, which is a bit odd because he’s not supposed to be so… high res. Or real.

“Are you alright, My Lord?” The title doesn’t immediately resonate with you, so you disregard hearing it. When you don’t answer right away they frown in worry, hands moving to yours, gently covering them with their warmth.

“What happened? Why am I here?”

“You fell from the sky, do you not remember?”

“No,” what sky would you have fallen from? You tend to stay on the ground.

Caelus worries their bottom lip and helps you sit up. “Oh.” There’s a pause. “Did you not mean to come here? I thought….”

“Hm?” You prod, gently encouraging them to talk.

“I thought you were coming to see me,” their face is tinged pink and facing down in their lap. Caelus’ hands feel hot and you rush to reassure them.

“I’m glad to see you, but I don’t know how or why I’m here,” you pause, cringing internally. “Caelus.” Fuck, that is their name right? No last minute changes?

Luckily their face lights up when you say it and you find yourself pressed into their soft chest, their arms around you in a bear hug.

“You’re really them.” A breathy, ecstatic phrase. Their face buries into your hair and Caelus doesn’t loosen their hold until a knock at their door.

“Trailblazer! Pompom here, requesting an update on Their Grace’s status.”

Caelus gently detaches themself from you and opens the door to reveal the tiny rabbit-oid conductor. Pompom bashfully rubs their hands together when they catch sight of you awake and looking at them.

“Hello, Your Grace, Pompom is glad to see you awake and healthy.”

What a cute creature, you think. “Thank you, Conductor Pompom.”

They let out a squeak at your words and nod. “Pompom needs to go check in on the other passengers, but let Pompom know if you need anything, okay, Your Grace?”

“Oh, thank you Pompom.” They hurry away, stubby feet padding quickly down the carpeted halls. You turn your head to Caelus, “what was that about?”

“Hm?” Their golden eyes meet yours, head tilting.

“Why did they call me those things, Your Grace?”

“Because you are our God above Aeons. Do you… were you somehow unaware of that?”

The words hit you like a freight train. “No, I’m not.” It’s all you can think to say.

Caelus sits next to you on the bed, placing a hand on your knee. “Yes you are. We can feel it. You are the one that controls this world and gives us life.”

Controls this world… and gives them life… fuck, the game… you’ve been playing these sentient beings. Your tummy hurts at the knowledge .

“Oh, I’m— I’m sorry.” Your eyes prick with tears, the gravity of what you’ve been doing; how you’ve dragged these people into battles for fun. You couldn’t have know, but it doesn’t stop the guilt eating at you.

“No, no, what are you apologizing for?” Caelus’ hands cup your face, a finger catching the tears that drip over the brim of your waterline. Their voice drops to a whisper, “please don’t cry, My Lord.”

You suddenly feel very watched, like a million eyes are on you. Caelus never closed his door. You look up and catch sight of March 7th’s glare. The intensity of it makes you flinch back, making Caelus look up, over to:

“March, don’t give them that look.” They scold the girl, who turns the withering look to them.

“Why are you taking care of that monster? We told you to leave them to freeze in the snow.” The words make your heart sink. Being on this side of such venomous words stings, especially from someone you never would have pegged to be so hateful.

Caelus bares thier teeth, a mix of offense and hurt on their face. “And I told you I would do no such thing to our God.”

“That is no God.” Her voice shakes as does her head, before turning around and walking away.

“Don’t listen to her.” Caelus shakes their head in disappointment. “She doesn’t understand what all you do for us. Please don’t hold it against her.”

…

They, the Astral Express, do not like you. Caelus and Pompom do, they hold you in reverence, which is better than how March, Himeko, Welt, and Dan Heng treat you. It’s all dirty looks and only partially veiled insults. Caelus gets into arguments with them over you.

You hate to think that you’re harming the friendships between them, and when you brought your concern up, Caelus dismissed you saying you are worth it all.

Yeah, there’s that. You’ve tried to explain that you are not God, but they won’t hear you out. :(

It’s a perfectly normal day on the Astral Express when the Aeons come.

Nanook is the first one to descend into the Parlor Car; Caelus and Dan Heng immediately drawing their weapons, The Destruction laughs once, eyes moving to focus solely on you.

“It’s so good to see you, My darling Lord.” His voice is low and deep, and the gold flowing freely from the wounds (?) on his arms leaves a trail on the carpet as he approaches to kneel in front of you. From your peripheral you see Dan Heng and Caelus share a look before lowering their respective weapons.

Nanook, you recognize him from the Simulated Universe blessings screen, grabs your hand, gracing the back of your palm with a chaste kiss. His golden eyes peek up at you from behind long lashes.

“How has the Express been treating you? I regret not being able to welcome you to this existence, but alas the ritual took a lot out of us…”

What.

“Oh, uh,” your eyes flicker around the cabin nervously. “I’m doing alright, th-thanks…”

“Now, now, don’t tease the poor thing,” a beautiful woman (Aeon) walks in, one with many, many arms draped in soft looking, white cloth. Yaoshi’s eyes soften when she meets your gaze. “Hello, Your Grace, it’s an honor to meet you in the flesh.”

Caelus, Dan Heng, March, everyones’ (save for you and the two Aeons) bodies droop, posture faltering. IX, The Nihility, has arrived. An odd feeling, akin to that of a weighted blanket, is pushed onto your body. It’s them, their astral, cosmic form much smaller than what should be made of their status, laying on your body like a boa. They don’t speak, though you aren’t sure they could in this form.

Yaoshi’s eyes flicker with amusement, and Nanook pulls himself up. “The others were unable to make it, but,” her gaze chills and is directed at the crew of the Express. “We all wish to make it known that disrespect, anything short of reverence toward Our Grace, will not be tolerated.”

Welt visibly shudders at the threat, and Himeko shares a look with Dan Heng. They need to reflect on how they feel towards you, tha much is certain.

#verified hyperfixat post #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr #hsr x reader #sahsrau #self aware honkai star rail #honkai star rail aeons #aeons hsr #aeons x reader #caelus x reader #nanook x reader #yaoshi x reader #astral express #astral express x reader

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mphountitled · 9 days

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𝐀 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥

Aegon Targaryen x Fem!reader

Summary: You were the only one who truly saw the tortured king. Not his mother, not his brother, and certainly not his wife.

Warning: Language, Infidelity, Humiliation, Toxicity, King Complex, Slight Angst, Smut (+18) Minors DNI, Canon typical Incest, Grinding, Forced orgasm, King Kink?, Dom/Sub Themes, Controlled Orgasm, Ownership Kink, Dub/Con, Groping, Humping, Pussy rubbing, Exhibition Kink

This isn't very good, I admit. I just needed to get it out of my head.

Despite your eye following the pathway of High Valyrian ink splashed on the weathered pages of your book, your brain takes forever to process the words.. It is a story you had enjoyed since the days of your wetnurse but now you are focused on the utter injustices occurring by the dinner table before you. You always found your nose nestled in a book throughout dinner, all save for this one.

The Queen mother is bent over her plate, forgetting her table manners in the vehemence of her passions, while Aemond assumes a hostile glare from his perch at the head of the table. Aegon sits slumped in between you and Helena, with his half lidded eyes so painfully tedious as he prods at his food, while these fake gods scold him from above.

"And to make matters impossibly worse, you failed to display even a shred of sympathy towards his condition-" Despite the nature of his mother's tone, it does not stop Aegon from rebutting where necessary, with a quick, sharpness on his tongue.

"This 'condition' you speak of, being the imprisonment of a wealthy merchant's stupid son." Aegon releases a short, winded chuckle, one that you share behind the concealment of your book. "Perhaps he shouldn't have gotten himself captured."

"He is apart of your battalion, Aegon- fighting your war-"

"I am not at war. As I sit here, I am not harbouring any ill feelings towards any party-"

Aemond interrupts, "All you think about is fucking and drinking-"

"Precisely brother!" Aegon proceeds to turn to his mother, with his hands splayed outwards he reiterates, "All I think about is fucking and drinking,"

A loud, unladylike snort escapes the confines of your throat which you attempt to sheath with a cough as you study the words in your book. Aemond rolls his eyes while Aegon throws a blatant smirk beside you- "See Mother! Now our dear cousin has fallen ill as a result of the animosity stirred by your incessant scolding!” Aegon’s voice is doused in sarcasm as he rubs his hand into your shoulder, “All because of your nagging, mother," Alicent’s eyes darken as her voice descends into caution "Aegon. Tomorrow you are to formally apologise to that Knight. He is a seasoned member of your Kingsguard-" The politics was becoming far too much on him. His grip has yet to leave your shoulder.

"Why the complete and utter fuck should I be pandering to my subjects?"

Aemond is the first to inject "Have you not a shred of Diplomacy, you fucking imbecile?" You eye Aemond from above your book, and you cannot begin to imagine the younger brother would ever inject himself into Aegon's business, no reason except perhaps, jealousy?

Aegon promptly ignores Aegon, and, with his eyes on Alicent, he leans over the table and whispers:

"If Rhaenyra wishes to have the crown, she may gladly take it-"

"AEGON!" The queen's thunderous voice settles over the table like a tempest, injecting all those present with a sharp, instinctive flinch, all except Aegon, who remains lax and unaffected by her outburst, only fueling the Queen's anger to first born tenfold.

"I cannot rely on you for anything, Aegon, NOTHING! For a mother to be so utterly embarrassed by her son- her eldest son," there is venom in her incredulity, one that has your brows curving as you send a sympathetic gaze at the Usurper. You lower your novel and lean slightly closer to the battlefield that has befallen the dinner table. Aegon’s hand drops from your shoulder, landing in your lap. You clasp his trembling hand in both of yours.

How a simple visit to see your cousins in King's Landing had turned into a public execution of Aegon's dignity, is utterly beyond you. You decide that you simply will not allow it, you cannot allow it, and solidarity is all you hope Aegon feels radiating from your clasped hands under the table.. You look up at him, thinking you might look up to find anguish in Aegon's eyes, but all you find there is a sly, almost secretive smirk dancing along his visage.

"You govern this country like a child-" Aemond begins but you're quick to snip back,

"Perhaps we should be mindful, cousin of the fact that Aegon still is a child. He is but 20 years in age!" You exclaim, with your own incredulity coating your laughter, "Aegon's destiny was pre-written when you were barely able to wipe your own shit, Cousin." Aegon fails to conceal his crass bought of laughter.

"I've no time for this," Alicent says, pushing herself out of her chair before rising in silent anger, "Helena, come," she commands before leading a slightly aloof Helena out the dining hall without another word. Helena mumbles something about broken unions in iron castings before disappearing.

The silence is deafening as Aemond's one eye studies the two of you - he is not able to see your hand underneath the table, you don’t think…

"Before you think about fucking our cousin, at least think about fucking your wife." Aemond announces, to an amused Aegon who keeps his amused gaze lowered to the table. It is then that Aegon squeezes your hand, still seated on your lap. His fingers encircle yours in what you initially deduce is acknowledgement of your solidarity, but what you quickly realise is something much more sinister.

"I cannot say I will heed your counsel, brother," It is then that Aegon grabs ahold of your hand, guiding you until your palm is cupping his hardened cock. "But you can trust that your council is solemnly heard."

Aemond watches you from above the rim of his chalice as he empties the final traces of his wine before placing his chalice back on the table. His exit is a slow one, one that has your anticipation expanding and Aegon's patience waning. In all honesty, hearing your valiant defence to preserve his dignity raised an intense feeling of desire in Aegon. Even though Aegon's only feeling ever, always seemed to be desire.

"Come here," He says once Aemond footsteps have echoed away, "I need your mouth," Despite his command, Aegon is already leaning in with his hand cupping the back of your skull. Soon, all you can smell is him. All you can feel is him. All you can taste is the drunken and sunken taste of him.

His tongue forces its way into your mouth, ripping a fresh groan from inside you as he twirls you into his lap. He has you arrested on him, his front to your back, with your arse pressed on his crotch. His hand on your face cranes your neck backwards and forces his mouth on yours, promising that even if you wanted to free yourself, you may never be able to.

"I love how you see me," He whispers, never breaking away too far, in fear of you disappearing, "How utterly pleased I am with the version of myself I see living in your eyes," His words spill out of him and slip inside your mouth bridged by your shared saliva.

"He is not useless. He is not pitiful," Aegon breaks away from the kiss, to lay a palm on your cheek.

As one hand lovingly strokes the side of your face, Aegon’s other hand is ravenous, as it palms your sensitive breasts through the bodice of your dress.

"Thank you for not judging me," He all but whimpers as he buries his face in the crook of your neck. He breathes you in until his hips attempt to grind into you like a touch starved adolescent boy, while he ventures under your soft skirts.

"You don't have to thank me, Aegon." Your hands reach backwards to cradle his head into the crook of neck just as Aegon's fingers reach around to hook into the seat of your underwear. You aren't nearly as aroused as him, but somehow that fact has Aegon spiralling even further into arousal. His eyes are squeezed shut as he leans into you, smelling you, while his fingers drift over your pussy, searching desperately for a reaction.

"It is very rare that I find myself wanting to give any woman pleasure," Aegon's admits, with a low, dense drawl. His actions steal the breath from your very lungs as you feel the first sign of wetness begin to coat your underwear. He is in utter awe when he feels it. Quickly descending into a level of pleasure that he was not even sure existed, "I fucking love your cunt," He murmurs in his desperate drunken haze, "I wish to play with it and taste it and fuck it until you’re barely able to speak-"

"God's, Aegon!" Your voice is hoarse and your cries reach the highest rafter of the dining hall. Despite your degenerate wails, Aegon does little to stop them, in fact he encourages them, as his fingers push your underwear aside.

"When did you get so fucking wet?" The warmth of his breath fans against your cheeks, as he presses his front against your behind, "Did I get you this wet?" He asks, before getting the strongest surge of arousal as he whispers, "Did your King get you this wet?"

All you are able to accomplish is a nod as your mind explodes with vibrant visions of your near release. Soon, you're moving your hips in tandem with Aegon's fingers squeezing sloppily at your clit before rubbing with vicious surety.

"Please-"

"Call me by my title," He whispers, completely stripped from his sensibilities. "Tell your King to make you come," Aegon's brain is filled with what he suspects is determination. He is determined to see the most lecherous parts of you crack, and have it done by his design. He rubs your cunt with furious passion while he pushes up from underneath you, utterly destroyed by the idea of having a monopolised control over the workings of your body.

"Fuck- please my King!" The ache between your legs is as warm and erratic as Aegon's hands. "Please let me cum-"

"Tis only I, who can get My Lady this wet and needy," He murmurs, quite literally to himself, as he pushes his hips against your arse.

"Only you, My King." You decide to humour him, seeking the quickest way to your release, "Only you can make me cum," Throughout his tirade, Aegon's other, unoccupied hand has reached around and clasped itself against your throat. He is violent in his actions, squeezing deliriously until your throat is vacuumed of all its air. It's an utterly depraved situation you have both found yourselves in.

Anyone could decide to walk in at any moment and Aegon affirms as much. "You're such a pretty little whore, making a mess on my fingers like this. Fuck, The servants could decide to walk through at any moment," His grip on your throat relaxes, allowing you gasp hungrily for air while the first spots of your organs threaten to surge through you.

"P-Please, My King-"

"What would they think if they find you humping my hand like such a needy, little whore?" He is rubbing rough circles against your cunt until finally, you're unable to resist teetering on the edge much longer. As your orgasm washes over you, and your body shudders above him, Aegon's own orgasm is triggered as he forces your hips further onto the seat of his pants.

"My Lord," your voice is shallow but a restless tremor settles on your limbs, "Have you no shame," you're partially jesting, as you try to come back from your previous delirium.

"I've already been branded a devil," He says, "There is no Grace left to fall from."

#house of the dragon #house of the dragon x reader #hotd #hotd x reader #hotd x you #hotd aegon #aegon ii targaryen #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon x reader #aemond x reader #aegon targaryen smut #hotd smut #aegon smut

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kates-cosmos · 10 months

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My experience with Analog Horror/ARGs and why you should check them out

Marble Hornets: the classic, and a big favorite of mine for obvious reasons. I cannot stress enough how good and spooky that series is, and the ToTheArk videos gave me nightmares, love it! <3

If you're into Slenderman stories, you should definitely check it out. The acting is very well done and the story is awesome overall :)

The Sun Vanished: the ARG that started my interest for ARGs, and especially enigmas/internet puzzles. Unfortunately I was not smart enough to figure the stuff out by myself, so I just watched explanations on it. Highly recommended if you like post-apocalyptic settings and subtle horror.

The Mandela Catalogue: possibly the series that brought back my interest for these things. I have only watched the first two seasons of it, as I sadly lost interest after a while, but from what I have watched, I would recommend it to those of you who like horror with religious themes (which is a big thing for me) and most importantly, trust issues. Do keep in mind this series deals with more serious and dark topics, though you have probably heard it already.

Local58: the analog horror of all analog horrors, Local58 barged in before TMC took the spotlight. There is so much going on and all of it is very interesting and scary. America's pride leads to its doom, the moon can control electronic devices, and weird creatures spread through the world. If you like stories that leave you not understanding what the hell just happened but loving it anyway, you will love Local58.

Rocket Archives: A single-video series that has unfortunately been taken down for reasons I am not certain of. But if you're curious what it was about, the video presented a reality where us humans were forced to leave Earth with how hot it was getting, and moved to contained bubbles in space. Suddenly, uh oh! The sun's getting closer! Outer Wilds moment! Everything is melting! Humans are gone and the sun is... alive???

Analog Archives: made by the creator of Rocket Archives, has also been taken down but can still be found re-uploaded. The series is slightly similar to Local58, as in it also focuses on broadcast hijacking used for ending off humans. The series also includes a few religious topics that can get very dark. I love it. "Nature Show" makes me tear up with fear every time.

Gemini Home Entertainment: ALL-TIME FAVORITE MOMENT!!! I don't think I need to explain why I love this one so much. GHE leaves a lot to your imagination/speculation, while also twisting your head directly into the direction of the threat and forcing you to look at it while you squirm in fear. GHE is subtle in the most obvious way, obvious in the most subtle way, and most importantly, IT'S COSMIC HORROR, BABY!!! THERE IS A PLANET IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM THAT GOT HERE UNINVITED AND NOW IT WANTS TO EAT US!!! UGHHHH I can't put in words why I think it's so good, it just is. Watch it. The Gardeners are cute, I swear. There's even a plush of them.

Monument Mythos: something something alternate realities, something something time loops. I have not watched all of it, barely even half, but I deemed it a little bit too confusing for my brain. BUT! If you're into things that boogle your mind, you might really like this series! I mean, world monuments are alive, what could be scarier?

Vita Carnis: EW. (affectionate)

But, seriously, if you like gross, you are certainly going to like this series. It's meat, and it's alive. Although, I did stop watching it because it got a tad too graphic and violent for my taste, but if that doesn't bother you, then I recommend it a lot! The editing is soooo good, and some of the creatures are very likable and cute ^v^ (the others are gross and I do not want them near me I do not WANT FUCK OFF)

Don't Look at the Moon: Minecraft spooky. Do I need to say more?

#katesaysthings #analog horror #arg #marble hornets #the sun vanished #local 58 #the mandela catalogue #rocket archives #analog archives #gemini home entertainment #monument mythos #vita carnis #don't look at the moon

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lonepower · 1 month

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ok you know what i need more bodysharing/brain roommates. malevolent got me feeling some kind of way and I need MORE. tvtropes has like 15 different categories that are all sort-of-but-not-really under the umbrella of what I'm looking for, and sorting through all of that is a little too unwieldy, so I'm turning to you guys.

key factors of the specific flavor of "multiple consciousnesses stuck in the same meat suit" that I'm looking for are:

any variation of, a human (or this universe's equivalent [so like, an elf where elves are commonplace would count]) has another, nonhuman consciousness attached to them and only them in such a way that the two can communicate, and subsequently

they Banter Constantly

^that^ is probably the most important qualifier here tbh

second most important qualifier is that they are not separated at the end (this obv. doesn't apply if the thing is still ongoing). it's okay if the passenger gets a new body (cf. subnautica) or is freed from their binding (cf. baldur's gate), as long as the partnership isn't broken.

Related: they don't actually have to SHARE a body (so enchanted objects, an AI implant, a Mysterious Disembodied Voice, an imaginary friend, etc., also count). they just have to be tethered to each other such that the passenger cannot move around or function on their own without a host. (I think this is part of why it's hard to narrow down on tvtropes: it's more about the dynamic than about the specific mechanism of "possession".)

Third most important qualifier is that only the current host can hear/communicate with the passenger, even if other people around them are aware of the passenger's existence.

two humans stuck in the same body is okay as long as the other criteria are met, but I would prefer it if the host is human(/equivalent) and the passenger is not (or vice versa if the passenger/possessor is the one with control of the body, as with things like the yeerks, most demonic possession, etc).

it doesn't have to be romantic. they don't even have to like each other. conversely, it absolutely can be romantic too.

They DO have to be the POV character/s for a significant majority (like, at least 60-75%) of the work, because the internal back-and-forth is the entire point.

Bonus points if: they do actually share a body; they are either never physically separated either, or are rejoined at the end (voluntarily or otherwise); passenger has lots of setting-relevant knowledge/an alien or fantastical perspective, while host shows passenger what it's like to be Alive™; despite constantly butting heads, host and passenger work patently better as a team; super extra bonus points for all of the above

My favorite examples of what I am looking for:

Malevolent podcast (super extra bonus points x10000000000000000)

Venom movies (this is probably the codifier for most people here tbh) (super extra bonus points)

Subnautica: Below Zero (AL-AN gets their own body but stays with Robin, and it hits all of the others)

Forspoken (super extra bonus points)

the "a bagel. two bagels." vine

(I know there's a couple others that I'm just blanking on. If I remember them, I'll add them.)

other things that have moments or flavors of this, but aren't focused on it/don't quite hit all of them:

the Bartimaeus trilogy had it at the end a little, but, well. it didn't last very long. (i STILL haven't recovered from that ending and i was, what? 15 or something? g o d)

the emperor in bg3 kiiiinda counts since they're magically bound to the player/party and can't exist outside their prison, but they do have their own body and are not nearly as chatty as I'm looking for. also, while only the holders of the prism can hear them, All of the holders of the prism can hear them and I'd really prefer one-on-one.

I think Death Note would also count? I read it in like 6th grade and never finished it so my memory is patchy At Best, but since nobody else can interact with Ryuk, he's bound to whoever holds the notebook, and he's the supplier of the holder's powers, it's close enough that I would accept something similar.

Slay the Princess has the bickering in spades and fulfills the "do not separate" criterion depending on your ending, although the jury's out on whether the voices are Actually their own entities or just symptoms of you losing it. Also, nobody in it is human. The bickering is definitely good enough to make up for it though. (The fact that it's Jonny Sims clearly having a grand old time might have something to do with it...)

with the caveat that I have not watched any of it, i think jadzia (and?) dax from ds9 miiight count, but they're part of an ensemble cast and thus fail the "pov characters for a majority of the work" and "we get to hear their constant internal banter" criteria.

things I tried that fit at least some criteria, but didn't like for various reasons:

the good demon by jimmy cajoleas. promising concept, but 1) the protagonist smokes, which is an instant and unnegotiable dealbreaker (seriously, who makes their protagonist do that in The Year Of Our Lord Anything Later Than 1950?? and to a child? DEATH. ONE MILLION YEARS DUNGEON.), and 2) I looked it up and they separate at the end anyways, so there's even LESS of a point.

the venom comics. honestly I just... really dislike superhero comics, there's always way too many of them to keep track of + I'm very shallow and they're usually unbearably ugly to me (and also having started with the movies I just found comics!eddie really unpleasant tbh)

parasyte manga. perfect concept, great dynamic, but its particular brand of body horror was... not great for me and I had to put it down. (horror in and of itself isn't a dealbreaker, though, so if you've got something similar that doesn't involve lots of hands bent at nauseating angles, I'll gladly take it.)

Cyberpunk 77 has the two-humans flavor of this and hits almost all of the other criteria, but i viscerally hated literally everything about j*hnny s*lverhand with every fiber of my being and the rest of the game was so mediocre already that i just gave up

....I know it's a highly specific/potentially niche dynamic, but if anyone has any recs, PUHLEEASE hmu!!! I'm looking for original work rather than fanfiction, but apart from that, format doesn't matter at all (although if it's some like super difficult indie game or something, I probably won't get very far lol). the MAIN points are 1) bickering and 2) host-and-passenger, so if you have something that hits those but not the others, feel free to share it anyway!

#rec request #i'm not really sure how else to tag this? i don't want to tag adjacent fandoms bc i find it really annoying when people do that.#anyway please let me know...#long post

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good-beanswrites · 3 months

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My thoughts on how the Milgram mv machine works based on the evidence we have:

(I know there’s been discussion about where exactly the interrogations take place, but wherever they are,) the prisoners are made to sit in a specific chair near the wall that houses the machine.

It’s ordinarily hidden, but the wall panels shift aside to reveal it when the mechanical sounds play in the dramas. As well as the walls moving, the chair transforms to restrain the prisoner and attach whatever it takes to access their brain. The fact that none of the more frightened prisoners try to run or break it makes it seem like they physically cannot. This is why Fuuta sounds so panicked, and why Amane is suddenly helpless in front of Es in their T1 vds.

(My mind conjures very classic sci-fi mad scientist machines with wires, pipes, lights, nodes, needles, etc, but I’d love to hear how other people visualize it.)

In some vds (maybe all? I’d need to check,) you can hear Es take some steps right before their iconic line -- it would make sense that for safety reasons, the power mechanism is placed across the room. Once again it could be anything, but the sound effect makes me think of one of those giant wall-mounted levers you have to pull down.

The voice dramas don’t really provide the type of crime details that an actual interrogation would reveal, and it’s odd that they’re placed before the extraction rather than after Es gets to see the new details. This leads me to believe the machine functions with priming. All Es needs to do is get them talking about their murder, so it’s on their mind.

The video produced is much like a (non-lucid) dream. Even if the prisoners figure out that this is how it works, they can’t control it just by thinking really hard about something else. The murders produce the strongest emotional affect, and that’s what it picks up on. If someone else used the machine, it would default to whatever gave them the strongest emotional reaction in the ~15 minutes beforehand, hence why Es’ video focuses on their daunting task ahead. (The Undercover theory is still a bit loose, though, given the private shots that Es wouldn't have known about). It’s why the videos are usually closely linked to the vd topics/beats. I also like to think that the reason their prisoner colors appear so much is because they’re looking at those colors on their uniform 24/7.

The bell rings to inform Es that it’s the optimal time to use the machine -- the prisoner has been thinking about things for long enough that the video will be about their crime, and if the conversation lasts much longer they’ll start thinking of other things. It’s at a different time for each prisoner because it’s based on the specific conversation. I guess Jackalope is listening in to the interrogation, timing it perfectly. (The only one that kind of messes with this theory is Yonah, because they just keep talking afterwards lol, but it could just show that the interrogation is still in Es’ control.)

Their “Sing your sins” is the final priming nudge to get them to think of their actions as a sin, revealing their guilt.

Once activated, the prisoner enters a sort of trance/sleeping state. It’s very much like REM sleep, with the machine forcibly activating neurons and recording the output. The prisoners have asked Es what they saw, meaning they don’t remember the mvs. I like to think the prisoners do experience the mv in real time, acting as the major version of themself that appears, but can’t remember it afterwards. It’s when you experience a dream, but as soon as you wake up you’re just left with fleeting emotions and memories right on the tip of your tongue.

The video plays immediately upon extraction -- whether on a huge projection or little screen depends on which room it’s in. It simultaneously saves the memory so that Es can rewatch it later (on those old TVs in the jailbreak mix). The machine downloads the song and video together, but requires special parts to retrieve them. The technology is pretty new and fragile, so if one is broken, there might be a delay between when Es can hear the extracted song and see it with the video. (That’s my justification for Kotoko’s delays -- after 9 prisoners the parts wear out, or maybe Mikoto himself overheats it with his complex situation.)

Based on the lack of conversation we get afterwards, I picture Es leaving before the prisoner wakes from the trance. The machine adjusts their brain back to normal before they awaken, restraints freed and able to return to the rest of the prison.

It’s very much like a dream, so it’s not harmful despite the amnesia/head injuries the prisoners have. It does, however, exhaust them. Brain activity alone takes a lot of energy, so forced brain activity with added emotional strain would cause them to feel pretty drained the rest of the day.

#milgram #👍👍#if theres anything contradictory please lmk -- this is how ive been taking the evidence we have so i definitely want to rethink things if #theres a mistake #but also i just wanna hear what people have been picturing 🤔#i mentioned it before but the jailbreak tvs really did shift my brain from sleek tech to clunky old scifi vibes #im also still partial to an idea mentioned a long time ago about the prisoners waking up to catch the last few moments of their mv #and how heartbreaking that can be for some #but i feel like it would make more sense if there was no direct interaction after the extraction since es is overwhelmed with different #reactions (from us) and the prisoners themselves are raw with emotion and fatigue #i like the thought of interrogations occuring in that big courtroom (seen in undercover and now deep cover)#but that room seems way too echo-y for the vds to take place in #and it seems overkill to build every cell with moving panel walls and access to the machine #so the jurys still out on that one #(also hehe im still so excited that my oc fits very nicely into all of this but i kept this post 100% canon compliant)#analysis/thoughts

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ellieswrldd · 9 months

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college gf!vi hcs!

college girlfriend vi headcanons (sfw & nsfw below the cut!) a/n: did this with ellie a while ago and now my brain refuses to think of anything other than vi so...

sfw: ✧ college gf!vi who calls you the most ridiculous pet names she can think of just to tease you and catch you offguard "c'mon babycakes," "babycakes? who says that?!" ...but you know you secretly love her dumb nicknames for you ♡ (even when she calls you mamas.) ✧ college gf!vi who will always hug you from behind when she gets the chance ✧ college gf!vi who will walk with you with a thumb in the belt loop of your jeans in public she claims that it's just comfortable but in reality...she does it because it makes it easier to pull you into a kiss ✧ college gf!vi who steals your phone whenever you’re not looking to change your background from the cute picture of her you had to one of her making a silly face just to mess with you ✧ college gf!vi who will shamelessly start doodling on your arm in class if she's bored you'd look down to see what she's drawing and see horrible drawings of the two of you two kissing ✧ college gf!vi who will agree to study sessions in the library to keep you focused, but will stare at you the entire time, a small smirk on her lips as she fiddles with a pen ✧ college gf!vi who loves to sleep in sooo late and you literally have to spam her with texts and calls when you see she isn't in class five minutes early like you always tell her to be ✧ college gf!vi who would prefer to spend her friday nights in your dorm, but will accompany you to any party if you ask because she cannot sit still knowing you're partying alone nsfw:

✧ college gf!vi who will text you as soon as her roommate is out, begging you to come over and help her "relieve some stress" ✧ college gf!vi who is so loud in bed, whether she's the one giving you pleasure or the one receiving (because that girl is a switch at heart) vi is whimpering and moaning your name you worry that she'll bother the people in the dorms next door but they always seem too intimidated by her to say anything ✧ college gf!vi who is always desperate to fuck because both of your schedules are so busy with school and work that she can't control herself around you :( ✧ college gf!vi who will fuck you so hard in the bathroom of a frat house during a party because she's so ticked off by all the looks you're getting in your cute outfit imagine she's got you bent over the sink, facing the mirror while she pounds her strap into you, your slick dripping down your thighs as you near your third orgasm she's whispering incoherently in your ear, gripping so tightly on your hips you're sure there's going to be bruises of her fingers, all while some overplayed party song from the 2000s is blasting throughout the frat house "look at yourself, so fuckin' pretty-" she says in between low groans and directs your gaze to the mirror. "you're m-mine, all mine..." vi would mumble as she rests her head on your shoulder and when you whisper "all yours, vi" in between choked moans, well, she cums so hard she forgets where you are

✧ college gf!vi who offers to help you study for a test you've been stressing over for weeks and says that if you get the right answer, she'll reward you, but if you're wrong, she'll edge you until you have the term engraved in your memory ♡ "sorry, that's not the right answer.." she sighs looking up from the flashcard she was quizzing you with "w-what? i could've sworn that-" "well, it's not what you wrote, so," vi whispers as she runs a finger up your aching slit and tossed the flashcard to the floor you stuttered out a different answer and looked up at her with wide, teary eyes. "please, please let me cum, please..."

despite how much she wants to make you cum, she shakes her head. vi said she was here to help you study, and you got the answer wrong, you wouldn't be allowed to cum until you got it right. "i can't let you cum until you get it right, cupcake, guess again," she mutters and starts rubbing your needy clit again just to stop as soon as she sees you nearing your orgasm :(

tags: @ellabsprincess

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yhwhsdaughter · 6 months

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Alhaitham helps [Name] find relief due to an aphrodisiac.

[Name] felt her body burn up. Her breathing was shallow as she searched the library for a book that could help her current predicament, “Ngh… where is that stupid book..”

Alhaitham happened to be there as well. Normally he would ignore any ramblings but at the sound of [Name]’s desperate tone, his eyes glanced in her direction. The young woman gasped, pulling out a book on philtres. Clutching it to her chest, [Name] carelessly turned, bumping into Alhaitham’s chest, “Oomph!”

He raised a brow, “What do you have there?” [Name] tried to side step but Alhaitham blocked her exit. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

"Hm, is that so?"

His fingers swiped the book out of her hands, examining the cover, "Why do you need such a book?" Flipping through the pages, the vocabulary and illustrations were quite graphic. He couldn’t fathom someone like the innocent [Name] researching a topic like this. "You're not exactly the type to require something like this. What’s the reason?” He’d always been curious when it came to her.

“I.. ah.. got hit with an aphrodisiac so I need to find a way to..” she swallowed saliva, “-… flush it out of my system.”

Not expecting that, Alhaitham's eyes widened, closing the book with a hand and looking down at [Name] with a worried expression. "How did you come in contact with one?"

"Did someone intentionally give this to you?" His tone was stern, brain wracking for possibilities as to why this was happening to her. “I don’t know..” the last thing on [Name]’s mind was figuring out the ‘how’ and more focused on a viable solution to this— “Can I just haa…have the book?? It’s definitely getting worse and I cannot be in public like this..”

Indeed, [Name] looked feverish. Her skin was flushed and beads of sweat gathered at her temples. "Follow me. Let’s get you somewhere safe."

[Name] followed, occasionally stumbling as her legs shook with need. “Mngh…” Alhaitham led her into a secluded room. It was a decent size, littered with books and papers. “Why are we.. here..?? I need to-” she doubled over, gasping as the arousal in her body threatened to erupt.

"Listen to me, no matter how you feel, you can't let your body take control. You have to try and remain calm.”

[Name] shook her head, “I can’t. It’s too hot in here..” she breathed, making haste of removing her outer layers.

"It's not hot, it’s your body reacting to the aphrodisiac." He says, grabbing her chin and tilting her head back so he could look at her eyes—the pupils were so dilated. A few strands of hair stuck to [Name]’s forehead as she breathed heavily, grabbing Alhaitham’s wrist, “Help me… please… have sex with me. Just this once..”

Alhaitham tried not to ogle at her body, which was barely covered by her panties and a loose camisole, one of the straps falling down her shoulder. The material was transparent enough that he could see her perked nipples. “No.”

He knew that if he went through with this, he couldn’t go back. Her brain was clouded with desire and it was up to him to make the rational decisions. Alhaitham feared he wouldn’t stop once he had a taste of her—[Name], the one person he dearly wished to fuck, but he also couldn’t let her be taken advantage of by someone else either. He was at an impasse.

Before Alhaitham could say or do anything else, [Name] had run out. She was light on her feet because when he tried to chase after, she was nowhere to be seen. Alhaitham sighed, “Shit.”

After almost an hour of scouring the Akademiya, Alhaitham went home to try and find anything that could help [Name]. What if someone with bad intentions came across— he froze at the moans coming from Kaveh’s room. It was the last place Alhaitham would think to search.

His expression hardened.

There's no way he was going to allow that degenerate to have any sort of pleasure with [Name].

The door wasn’t even locked. It swung open to reveal [Name], completely bare, with Kaveh holding onto her hips tightly—the blond had a look of concentration while her eyes were glazed, cheeks reddened, and her body sleek with sweat. “Haah…”

Alhaitham’s jaw clenched, his tone dripping with venom, “What do you think you’re doing..? Using [Name] for your selfish desires, satisfying your bodily needs?"

“I’m helping her.” Kaveh responded, not even looking at Alhaitham. “I found her in a half delirious state, begging for release. We’ve been at this for a while and she can’t seem to..” Kaveh’s hips moved with effort, causing [Name] to moan shamelessly. Alhaitham was furious, his fists clenched before reaching out and forcefully grabbing Kaveh by the hair, “Get away from her.”

“Don’t hurt him..” Alhaitham reluctantly loosened his grip on Kaveh before letting him go at her behest. His expression softened when he looked over at her. "[Name]..." his tone was gentle, showing his concern for her.

“Please.. aah.. fuck me…” Alhaitham was reluctant to let this situation continue, but he knew that she needed release. His expression was one of contemplation, filled with conflicting feelings. Draping a his jacket over her body, Alhaitham hesitated for a moment, “I can figure out a way..-”

[Name] shook her head, pushing the sheet down, exposing her breast. Taking a deep breath, Alhaitham propped her into his arms. Kaveh couldn’t even argue when Alhaitham glared upon exiting, his eyes showing murderous intent.

Now at his room, Alhaitham set her gently on the bed, pushing back some of the hair that was stuck on her forehead. “I’ll only do this.. if it means helping you. I won’t let you be used by anyone else.”

Alhaitham's tone sounded resolved, and he began to gently caress her cheek. His eyes raked over the curvatures of her figure, leaning to kiss her lips. [Name] reciprocated quickly, accepting Alhaitham’s touch on her hips as he freed his erection. She squirmed at the sight, it was too big, yet she could not help but want it inside.

Both of them moaned simultaneously at the slow intrusion. [Name] was lubricated enough that her entrance enveloped Alhaitham entirely. It took him a moment to compose himself and not cum instantly. He needed to focus on [Name]’s needs, not his own.

Her legs wrapped around his waist tightly, lips seeking his own. Alhaitham gave her everything she wanted, his tongue sliding into her mouth, hips moving with more force. Throughout the course of five hours, [Name] was folded in numerous ways as she took Alhaitham’s cum over and over, her insides painted white. He insisted on maintaining eye contact, which made her feel even more flushed. Towards the end, one of her legs slid down from his shoulder to the crook of his elbow, “Mngh..”

With a final orgasm, she showed no signs of any more arousal. [Name] tried to sit up but was pushed back into bed by Alhaitham’s, "Shhh..." his hands caressed her face, kissing her tenderly and stroking her hair. “Rest.”

[Name] fell asleep immediately. Her body was exhausted—slick with sweat, flushed from hours of continuous intercourse, flesh marked from their strong grips and their essence on her thighs mixing with her own. Her hair was disheveled and clung to her sweaty skin. Alhaitham wrapped [Name] with a blanket after he’d run a wet rag over her body, cleaning what he could.

Alhaitham placed a chair in front of the bed, sitting down as he watched over [Name]'s body, his concerns for her still lingering in his mind. He felt angry on her behalf that this occurred, wishing he’d slept with her under different circumstances, one where she truly desired him, begging for more with those pretty lips of hers. Still, she looked so peaceful now, expression relaxed and not frowning due to the discomfort that the philtre had caused.

When she came to, [Name] went red at the realization of where she was. Covering half of her face with the blanket she began to stammer an apology. “A-Alhaitham.. I… I’m sorry you got dragged into this..” She was absolutely mortified, especially when she remembered it all—specifically how their bodies meshed into one and of all the things they did.

Alhaitham seemed unfazed. He seemed to have bathed and changed. “Are you still feeling any of the effects?”

“No...”

"Good." Alhaitham said softly. He motioned to a breakfast platter, “You should eat to regain some of your strength. Your clothes have been cleaned so you may use the bath after you’re done eating.” [Name] could only nod in gratefulness.

“I talked with Kaveh.”

At this, [Name] sat up, wincing slightly. “You didn't fight right?”

Alhaitham crossed his arms. He’d be lying if he didn’t feel a stab of jealousy at her concern for his housemate. "No. I simply gave that dog a stern warning. I made it clear to Kaveh that doing such things is unacceptable."

[Name] bit into the piece of bread. It was still warm. “Don’t get angry at Kaveh. It was my fault. I shamelessly.. practically… I..” Alhaitham sighed, wiping the crumbs from the corner of her mouth with his thumb. His tone softened at her words, "That may be so, but I can't just forgive Kaveh for taking advantage of you. I know you were not in the right mindset at the time."

“Even I..” he retracted his fingers from her face. “I’ll give you space.” Before she could respond, Alhaitham was out the door. Eating her meal in peaceful silence, [Name] slid out of bed, wincing at the aching between her thighs. Her legs gave out a few steps from the bed, her face in a grimace as she felt cum dripping out of her hole. “Urgh…”

By the time Alhaitham returned, [Name] had managed to bathe. His eyes wandered over her figure— observing the wetness of her hair, tiny water droplets falling onto the soft material of her shirt. At this point Alhaitham had gotten so used to seeing her nude that it felt weird looking at her with clothes on.

"It appears that you're feeling better now?"

“Mn. The bath helped, though I will take a few days to recover. “ Alhaitham stepped closer, taking a strand of her wet hair and stroking it with his fingers. Was it bad that he desired her even more? [Name] looked up at him, “Uh.. Alhaitham..?” He made a sound of confirmation. “Why did you help me? I know you were against it-”

"You really can't tell, can you?"

When she didn’t reply, Alhaitham got closer. "It should be obvious to you. If anything, I rejected you for your own good." He continued to run his fingers through her hair—his touch was light and gentle. It felt intimate. [Name]’s face flushed, “What do you mean?”

His hand tilted her chin, “I was afraid you'd regret it. And..”

"I want to be with you, not just for a night."

When [Name] blinked in realization, Alhaitham’s thumb ran across her bottom lip, testing her reaction before leaning in slowly—their lips meeting gently. Swayed easily by his affection, [Name] closed her eyes, feeling Alhaitham’s tongue in her mouth.

Alhaitham pulled her even closer, one of his hands cradling the back of her head. Their mouths moved together as they shared an intense moment of passion, his body pressed against hers as each of them breathed in each other's air. As they separated, Alhaitham took [Name]'s right hand, looking at it closely for a moment before he pressed his cheek against it and smiled softly.

"I love you, [Name]. I want to spend every single day with you, to see your face when I wake up in the morning and when I go to sleep at night.”

He placed a tender kiss on her hand before releasing it. “I realize this may not be the appropriate time to confess, but I want to be the only one to provide you with my absolute attention and affection."

“…Yes. I accept. Please give me all of your love, Alhaitham.”

#✎ genshin #alhaitham #al haitham #al haitam x reader #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin x you #alhaitham x you #alhaitham x y/n #al haitham x you #genshin x y/n #genshin alhaitham #genshin kaveh

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greenbergwrites · 4 months

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I am on my KNEES begging for another part to the feral omega steve and etienne prompt!!! it's so GOOD and I cannot stop thinking about it 😩 (please take this as inspiration and not pushing, I understand the creative juices are difficult to control ❤️)

I was very excited about feral Omegas yesterday, both this story and the original one, and had a whole bunch of ideas that I wanted to get started on today.

Unfortunately, my sleep aid is being wonky so I didn't get a good, deep sleep last night and my brain was rather hazy today. I did manage to cobble together what's below, even though it's not quite as many words as yesterday.

Hope you enjoy it, though!

Part One | Part Two

Bucky doesn’t want to think about what happens when the local Alphas arrive and so he doesn’t. There’s not much to be gained from dwelling on it, anyways.

Instead, he focuses on the Omegas.

He coaxes the feral Omega onto the gurney beside his blue-eyed companion. They cling to each other, their hands entwined, as he finds each of them a blanket to shield them from the cool weather. Once they’re bundled, he manages to scrounge up a couple of chocolate protein bars. He isn’t sure if they were left behind by the medical personnel or if it was something on hand to feed the other humans found in the warehouse.

He supposes it doesn’t matter.

Methodically, he unwraps two of them and hands one to each Omega. Pulling up a chair next to the gurney, he watches them both take hesitant bites. The feral Omega doesn’t seem to care much about the taste, but the blue-eyed one makes a face.

Bucky laughs softly.

“I know,” he murmurs, rubbing the boy’s arm through his blanket. “We’ll get you proper food soon. This is just to tide you over. Do you want some water? It helps.”

He takes a bottle from the table, unscrewing the cap and holding it out. The Omega doesn’t take the bottle from him; instead, he puts his lips around it, allowing Bucky to tip the water into his mouth.

The feral Omega pauses in decimating his protein bar, scowling at Bucky until he’s given the same treatment. After draining half the bottle, he goes back to his food.

Watching them settles something in Bucky’s chest. For the first time since he saw them, he doesn’t feel quite so suffocated. They’re warm in blankets he found, their hurts tended to at least partially by his hand, now eating the food that he’s provided. He’s taken care of them and because he did, they’ve calmed considerably.

That knowledge is a living thing under his skin, filling him with a primal sense of pride and satisfaction. This is what he was born for–what every Alpha was born for. To take care of an Omega.

He touches the blue-eyed Omega again, tilting his chin gently until the boy meets his gaze.

“Do you think you can tell me your names?” He asks softly.

The feral one has been more vocal, technically, but for all his hissing and growling, he’s yet to speak an actual word. He might not be in a state of mind where words are possible, as unsavory as that thought is.

The blue-eyed Omega glances at his companion, who shrugs as he eats the last of his protein bar. It’s the most human gesture Bucky’s seen him display so far.

The Omega sets aside the remnants of his protein bar. He takes Bucky’s hand in his and turns it over, tracing his finger along Bucky’s palm.

Letters. He’s drawing letters.

S - T - E - V - E

“Steve,” Bucky says, once the Omega pauses and looks up at him. The boy nods and taps his own throat.

His name is Steve.

He looks down and draws again.

E - T - I - E - N - N - E

“Etienne,” Bucky repeats, just to make sure he has it right.

Steve nods and points to the feral Omega.

Steve and Etienne.

Bucky smiles, touching Steve’s cheek.

“Thank you,” he murmurs.

Steve smiles shyly, nudging his fingers.

“Is there something wrong with your throat, Steve?” Bucky asks. “Did they do something to you?”

He shakes his head.

“You can talk?” Yes.

“You just don’t want to?” No.

Steve frowns, looking down at where his fingers still rest on Bucky’s palm. His lips part, breath hitching, but whatever he wants to convey seems too complicated a concept. He shakes his head again, his shoulders slumping. His scent isn’t sour, but it also isn’t as calm as it was a minute before.

Etienne snatches up his discarded protein bar, shoving it into Steve’s hands as he glares balefully at Bucky.

Bucky’s lips quirk. He doesn’t say anything as Etienne successfully distracts Steve from whatever is going through his head. As Steve starts to eat again, Etienne knocks their foreheads together. Steve’s answer is a small smile.

Once his scent has evened out again, Etienne turns his hard gaze back to Bucky.

Don’t do that again, he seems to say.

Bucky pats Etienne’s cheek.

“Don’t worry, pup,” he says softly. “I don’t want to upset him, either.”

Etienne harrumphs, turning his head to bite the meat of Bucky’s palm. He doesn’t sink his teeth in deep enough to break skin. If anything, he gnaws almost gently.

It isn’t quite a playful gesture, though–-more like an acquiescence and a warning rolled into one.

On the other side of the tent, a phone pings. Suddenly, Bucky’s reminded that they aren’t alone. The Enforcer is still there, though he’s given them space so that both Omegas can feel comfortable.

He turns just in time to see the Enforcer look up from his phone.

“The Alphas are here.”

#nani asks #greenberg replies #a/b/o dynamics #feral omega #etienne and steve #part 3 was supposed to be the Alphas coming in but then they didn't #part 4 it is #i definitely started editing part 1 though to make it a Proper Story instead of just a tumblr blab

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disabledunitypunk · 7 months

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[Image ID: cropped tumblr post reading - as an ND able-bodied person, i just wanna say that cpunks are NOT doing anything wrong by not allowing us in their community. its completely okay and im actually very very happy that physically disabled people finally have their own space where they dont have to deal with ableism toward them all the time

able-bodied NDs have it made in this sense. we have TWO communities! we have neuropunk and madpunk, and you can go on any social media platform and easily find hundreds of other NDs on there along with little communities and shit. but physically disabled people dont have it that easy. when they DO find one that isnt just about ND people, it's still full of ableism. i've seen it myself and it makes me sick

so physically disabled people decided to make their OWN community. just for them. no one else. then THATS when able-bodied NDs start getting pissy and call them ableist when they were basically doing the exact same shit before.

you can handle not being allowed in one community. theres two more you can be part of just fine

if youre an able-bodied ND who sees yourself in any of this, maybe you should stop and look at yourself. make some improvements

to the cpunk community, dont let people like this tear you down. stand your ground, push these people out. you deserve your OWN safe space and no one will take that from you /end ID]

okay this shit right here?

pisses us off

the whole point is that cripplepunk has become not about focusing on physical disabilities, but about gatekeeping neurodivergence from ever being considered physically disabling, about policing neurodivergent reclamation of a slur that has been historically and commonly used against BOTH neurodivergent and physically disabled people, about reducing physical disabilities to mobility disabilities, and about treated neurodivergent people as abled to the point that they don't EVER lack accessibility or NEED accommodations just to be able to do the same things as abled people

I don't personally have a problem with spaces that focus on physical disability, but I'm not even allowed to find commonalities in my own experiences as a physically disabled neurodivergent person or I'm "derailing". I'm not ever allowed to find my neurodivergence more disabling than my physical disabilities, even contextually, because neurodivergence is "disability lite" and high, middling, and fluctuating support needs people apparently just don't exist. I'm not allowed to talk about how I physically couldn't access a venue or event because of my neurodisabilities. I'm not allowed to be physically disabled by the organ that controls all functions of my physical body.

As a physically disabled neurodivergent, multiple marginalized person on the basis of my disabilities, I am not safe in these spaces. I am actively pushed out of these spaces for being neurodivergent, despite being physically disabled by things completely unrelated to neurodivergence!

I have been called able-bodied more times than I can count, despite being housebound until recently due to mobility issues and lack of a mobility aid, and still being bedbound on my worst days! I have been straight up called abled. I've been called a liar who wants to feel special and more oppressed for saying that my sensory issues are so disabling that there are stores I physically cannot safely enter, or I will have a massive meltdown and physically hurt myself. I've been told I can control this, and that hurting myself doesn't count even though I know someone who has permanent brain damage from hurting themself during meltdowns.

I've been told I should shut up and let real disabled people speak for daring to say cripplepunk spaces are hostile to physically disabled neurodivergent people.

Also, you've gotta love the ableist hypocrisy of "we get neuropunk AND madpunk" while gatekeeping cripplepunk. Mad actually is a slur that is used for a specific subtype of disabled experiences. I'm never going to gatekeep reclamation, and I don't think it's something that falls neatly and evenly along specific diagnosis lines. I think that there are absolutely neurodivergent people who don't have the specific disorders most people think of when they think of insanity that have been mistreated for being seen as "insane". Hell, I think there are physically disabled people - even entire physical disabilities that on average - are often treated with intense sanism that can reclaim the slur and that belong in the movement.

That being said, not all neurodivergent people are affected by sanism, full stop. That is something for each individual to determine, but especially for people with lower support needs and combined types/presentations of neurodivergence that are more palatable to abled people... some of them face neuroableism, but not sanism. That's an important distinction.

Basically, anyone can face sanism, but not everyone does.

Also, there ARE hundreds of spaces for SPECIFIC physical disabilities. There's not that many spaces for neurodivergence that aren't just autism+ADHD, and there's not that many physical disability spaces that aren't just "mobility disabilities"+"any chronic illnesses that still sometimes affect your mobility as a side effect" (which yes are mobility disabilities but honestly aren't even treated as such in these spaces).

Like, the whole point is that neurodivergent people who AREN'T able-bodied don't GET a space where they don't have to deal with corpoableism from other neurodivergent people and neuroableism/sanism from physically disabled people. The whole POINT is that people gatekeeping cripplepunk are being ableist, and erasing/minimizing the disabilities of neurodivergent people. The whole POINT is that they're ignoring the experience of the organ that controls your body sometimes disabling said body because said organ doesn't work right.

The whole POINT is that You. Cannot. Label. Someone. Else. Able. Bodied.

And sure, there's lip service to the fact that "oh well if you're actually physically disabled then this isn't about you"

except it is.

because if you're physically disabled by the "wrong" diagnosis you're an attention-seeking ableist faker

because if you want to talk about your whole experience as a neurodivergent physically disabled person you're "an able-bodied neurodivergent derailing discussions about disability" (yes, they actually say disability sometimes, mask off, not physical disability specifically)

because if you're neurodivergent and physically disabled and you present evidence of historical medical textbooks calling people "mental cripples" you're "cherrypicking rare examples" despite simply picking 5 out of the HUNDREDS of links you could have sent

because if you are neurodivergent and even dare to find similarities with your own neurodivergence on a post about a physical disability you also have you're "an abled person invading disabled spaces". Yes, they call neurodivergent people they believe to not be physically disabled "abled" as if brain disabilities don't exist.

"just for them. no one else."

You said it right there. That's the problem. It's not for physically disabled people AND physically disabled people with other disabilities. It's for physically disabled people - again, meaning only mobility disabilities, no, GI disabilities or blindness/vision impairment etc don't count! - ONLY.

With one exception.

If you tout the party line about how ableist neurodivergent people are, never ever mention your own neurodivergence, hide it deep down like the evil ableist you fundamentally are, and let yourself be tokenized as the person who is mentioned in "see! physically disabled people who are neurodivergent are allowed here [if they're never openly or visibly neurodivergent]" then you're allowed in the club.

And that's without even getting into the massive amounts of sanism and neuroableism in cripplepunk spaces OUTSIDE of the gatekeeping. I touched on it with the calling neurodivergent people abled - but the use of crazy and insane as an insult, the arguments I've seen for mentally ill people to be forcibly institutionalized and forced to "recover" by being coercively made to take meds to suppress their neurodivergence or go to therapy where they are being psychiatrically abused, the absolute horrific treatment of cluster B disorders - all the stuff you expect from abled people, but coming from other disabled people.

So even if, let's say, the cripplepunk community was completely welcoming to all neurodivergent people who were physically disabled in any way, including by their neurodivergence: that's what's waiting for us. Just a different kind of ableism in the space we went looking to escape ableism in.

No one's taking anything from anyone by saying "I'm a cripple too, stop being massively laterally ableist to me". You're just an ableist sucker with a taste for boots.

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be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie · 9 months

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Longass Crop Circles Notes (I Don't Think I've Changed Chapter Two):

I don't want to talk about how many weeks these notes have been sitting in my notes app because I couldn't bring myself to go through them yet. My sincere apologies @spicymiilk

-Ah that incredibly relatable feeling when you want to get to one part of your story and you have to force yourself to slog through to get to it. It happens to us all.

-KIRI AND LO’AK GOING TO SPECIAL SCHOOL WHILE NETEYAM IS REGULAR IS SO FUNNY TO ME. Poor Lo’ak I’m being so mean to him. But you really want their asses GONE gone.

-Calling Jake a white man and saying he can’t understand their hair is so funny. Dude NEVER helped with ANY of his kids hair ever??? He’s never done Neytiri’s for her because he’s her bitch? Come on Jake, I expected more. Even I’ve done my cousins hair a few times. Maybe Spider will fare better?

-Obsessed with the way Neteyam is about his morning routine and solitude, it jives so well with my opinion of him. He’s got to have things his way, and under his control. Taken care of well. He’s going to have a field day with Spider. I see we are already leaning heavily into Neteyam’s "I can fix him" complex. Even when he wants to help Jake, which I know is something wheelchair users don’t often want if it’s something they do all the time themselves. It’s the innate feeling of standing by and doing nothing while watching someone struggle, when it’s their day to day life. And if that isn’t Neteyam’s whole thing? I’m obsessed with how he just cannot handle anyone else’s bad vibes without trying to fix it right away. Speaking of;

-If there is not a moment where Jake allows Neteyam to help him when he needs it, I will throw myself off a bridge, Andrei. ~growth~ the opportunity is there and it’s ripe.

-JAKE AND NETEYAM BANTER, I did not realize I was in a drought until I got a little bit of rain and I realized I was DYING OF THIRST. PARCHED FOR THEM.

-Jake “Detective” Sully: You are gay, son, try not to be too gay to the new foster kid you stalk at the local Micky Ds.

-I am literally obsessed with My Father Jake Sully who was neglected and hurt as a child being the most desperate man alive to connect with and heal kids in the same situation he was in. It fits so so well in his character for me. I feel like he spends most of his life trying to heal old wounds and make up for the past, in a way.

-Neteyam “I thought this kid was named Miles for years but I guess legally on his birth certificate it def must say Spider because it couldn’t be a nickname, that’s for sure” Sully

-I am CACKLING at them both lying to each other about McDonalds as though they both don’t know exactly how often the other one is there because they both find the other hot I’m dead.

-Spider mad at Norm for enforcing child labour laws has me wanting to make memes about it. The children truly do yearn for the mines.

-All the tiny little details of how Spider focuses on the people around him, on their moods and their movements and the way his brain works is so well done. That survival mindset takes years and years to unlearn, if you ever can fully. It’s well done as always.

-OH MY GOD EVEN NEYTIRI ALSO THINKS NETEYAM IS BEING TOO GAY THIS IS AMAZING.

-Justice for Jake, I will get him one of the cars paralyzed people can drive. Also his joke about driving Neytiri up the wall? HE’S A COMEDIAN. GET HIM A NETFLIX SPECIAL.

-Spider can’t look at Tuk because he was close with a little abused foster girl, where is the nearest bridge. NO REST FOR US, ANDREI?? ALL THE PAIN AND TRAUMA POSSIBLE CRAMMED INTO ONE EPIC.

-God the line about Spider’s therapist saying that his habit will lead him down a dangerous path, but he doesn’t understand why because he only ever hurts himself because he doesn’t see damage to himself as damage because he doesn’t see himself as worthy? Not worthy of the phone, of food, of attention or love? Truly my fav paragraph of the chapter. You are a master at establishing a character in a few subtle lines. It's a tactic that I only get after a few rewrites; instead of saying "Neteyam wants to fix everyone" you show us him in a situations where he wants to and can't help. Instead of telling me Spider doesn't care for his own safety, you tell me he's confused by his therapist saying his coping is dangerous. Instead of saying emotion, tell me something that would make me feel that emotion. Writing 101, and yet so hard to pull off properly.

-I laughed out loud at Neteyam trying not to look at Spider’s muscles I am dying. Neteyam should ask him out loud.

-EVEN TUK HAS IT ON LOCK, SHE SAYS NETEYAM HAS A THING FOR PEOPLE WHO SOUND A LITTLE SAD. This is so not funny but so funny because it’s all specifically for me.

-Neteyam later in life is like that dumbass gum commercial where the guy reveals he’s been keeping the gum wrappers every time the girl gives him one and drawing on them when and where she gave it to him? That’s Neteyam when the piles and piles of smiley face receipts fall out of his trench coat pockets.

-“I didn’t realize that was you” filthy liar. Spider’s smiley face drawing rizz is crazy. You bet your ass he wasn't doing that to every fuckers receipts.

-WHAT ON EARTH IS LO’AK DOING AT SMART PERSON SCHOOL, EVEN YOU DON’T KNOW ANDREI.

-THE CUTE BOY AT THE WINDOW ASKED FOR HIS NUMBER? AS IN, SPIDER, PHONELESS SPIDER, OR ANOTHER SNEAKY BASTARD BUTTING IN.

-Also these people have real memory problems, I’ve never forgotten any awkward interaction I’ve ever had in my entire life, especially not with a crush. I couldn't hear my crush at a party last year and I just laughed and said yeah and she was like "no I asked what you think" and not a single day goes by it doesn't play behind my eyelids like the DVD in The Ring. So, unless Spider has asked every single man at McDonalds out, he remembers when he asked a guy out and the guy sped off like he had a warrant out from Dominic Toretto.

-Oh my god, it was Spider. And this man sURVIVED that encounter? This man who can’t survive a strong breeze rn? What was he going to do with number, call him from phone booths? Send smoke signals to the write telephone wire? I am cackling at the idea that he had rehearsed this so many times and yet never actually thought through not having a phone.

-The smiley face on the paper. That revived Spider from his death post awkward encounter. There will be smiley faces on the invitations to their wedding and only Tuk will understand.

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lurkingshan · 11 months

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The last several weeks of Step by Step I’ve been more focused on Jeng and his emotional arc, which I have really been enjoying and which I think has consistently been the strongest part of the show. In today’s episode, as expected, Jeng got his heart (quite firmly!) broken, had a good hard cry about it, and then exited stage left for nearly the entirety of the episode, both in the story, as he took accountability for his actions by distancing himself from Pat and then resigning from his job, and on our screens.

Which put me in the awkward position of having to face what I’ve been trying to ignore for the last several weeks:

I am really struggling with Pat’s character

This isn’t a new issue. @waitmyturtles and @imminentinertia can attest that I’ve been in their DMs recently gnashing my teeth about it. Because y’all, I love this show a lot. I have so enjoyed watching it week to week with everyone, and most of the time, I am having a great time. But that part of my brain that demands coherent emotional arcs and crisp pacing and consistent narrative themes has been getting increasingly louder, and this episode it basically kicked down my mental wall and said stop ignoring me, girl.

To start from a place of owning my shit, I will just say straight up: characters like Pat are difficult for me. I was never, for a single moment in my life, afforded the luxury of being a hot ass mess with zero emotional control. I find it hard to relate to, and can struggle to empathize with it. With that said, I actually enjoyed Pat’s side of the story just fine through about the end of the Put arc. I liked seeing Pat flail about when he first met Jeng and realized the tall hot man was his boss. I liked seeing him learn how to be competent at work. I liked seeing him put his slutty shirt on and distract himself with other men. I even liked most of the arc with Put (even though I cannot stand that manipulative ass of a man) for the opportunity it afforded Pat to grow up a little and start looking beyond Put to a more mature romantic option. And I thought that’s where the story was taking us - but in the last part of last week’s episode and all through this one, it felt like Pat’s character regressed.

So to actually get to this episode, Pat wakes up from his drunken stupor with somewhat fuzzy memories of the night out with Jeng; remembers Jeng coming out to him; avoids Jeng until forced to interact; rejects Jeng, draws clear boundaries and expresses disbelief that Jeng actually likes him; gets upset at the idea that Jeng may be toying with him in his talk with Jane; then has a big old meltdown about… something while with his parents; then goes into depression mode and gets all wistful about Jeng. That is the order of events.

In talking to friends @shortpplfedup and @wen-kexing-apologist (who have very different takes on this story - these are my complaints alone) we puzzled through what we think was happening here emotionally for Pat. @wen-kexing-apologist reminded me that Pat’s lack of emotional control and frequent emotional outbursts, as well as his instinctive distrust and ungenerous interpretations of Jeng’s actions, have been part of the story from the very beginning, and that he has recently been through Put’s emotionally manipulative wringer again and may be projecting some of his lingering upset with Put onto Jeng. @shortpplfedup posited that Pat took Jeng’s coming out after all this time not as an act of trust or leap of faith on Jeng’s part, but as a harsh realization that he doesn’t know Jeng at all and has been acting foolish in front of him, thus putting him back in a mindset to distrust him, and that both his anger and his upset in the scene with Jeng, and then his belief expressed in the following scene with Jane that Jeng is messing with him, stem from his disbelief that someone like Jeng would actually like someone like him.

These are all great thoughts. I think they are about as accurate a read as anyone can get from what we’ve been given. However, my beef is that the show did not tell me any of this, it simply presented me with a series of scenes in which Pat’s emotions swung wildly from pole to pole, with no connective tissue to help me understand why Pat was all over the place. I love the show, don’t tell principle of writing, but you do need to actually externalize some of what is happening in a character’s head for their actions to make sense for the viewer, especially if what you’re trying to show me is that a character’s brain is an incoherent mess of illogical emotion and irrational thinking. The show has done a beautiful job of this with Jeng, but it has failed Pat on this front.

And if I may, for a moment, comment on how the show’s messy editing and pacing (which has been an ongoing issue the whole time, not just in this episode, though boy did the timeline go off the rails in this one) contributed to the issue - look at that sequence of events above again. If a couple of these scenes had their order swapped, would the flow of Pat’s emotions have made more sense in this episode? Say, if he talked with Jane and had the idea that Jeng is messing with him planted in his head before he talked to Jeng? Or if his breakdown with his parents came at the end of this very emotionally trying episode when he is clearly depressed and confused? I very much think so!

So that’s really the thing it comes down to for me: I think I understand, intellectually, what they are trying to do with Pat (or, we have it all wrong and understand nothing, never rule out absolute clownery). I can puzzle it out with the context we’ve been given, and the help of my very smart friends, and arrange it all in my head in a way that makes sense. But my main issue is I believe the show should be doing that work, not the audience. I don’t want to have to pause on a major scene and spend a bunch of time trying to connect the dots of the characters’ actions and emotions, I want to understand and feel it as I am watching. That is what makes a drama thrilling, when it can sweep you along on a smooth ride and let you feel the emotions of the story without your brain going - wait, I don’t get why he’s acting that way, or what, that doesn’t ring true, or hold up, something isn’t right here. This is where Step by Step is faltering for me, but I very much hope the final three episodes will recover and deliver a satisfying conclusion.

#step by step #thai bl #shan shouts into the void

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prick-love-for-arting · 11 months

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hi I'm obsessed with your ngc hospital au, I need more hcs if you have any pls pls

one note on this, i haven't fully decided what everyone is, but I think i want the ngc to be like full staff, and if they're staff at the imaginary hospital the involved first years are residents at the moment. It gives the NGC more authority and more room for FY to mess up (Third gen Captains???? idk i'd prefer to include tsuki over yamaguchi at least as a doctor anyway, Yamaguchi would be office staff if anything). I will attempt to organize my thoughts on this.

Okay, New Gen Captains first

So, i want to switch Futakuchi and Shirabu's focus so that Futakuchi is the emergency doctor and Shirabu is in general surgery. It feels more Futakuchi's speed, he's not always in control but it takes it head on, where Shirabu is more of a controller he gets things where they need to be. Though I do still think Shirabu takes shifts in the ER relatively often.

It might be a little projecting but Shirabu has moments where he kind of zones out when lots of stuff is happening around him, like everyone else is moving in slow-mo, especially if he's overstimulated. He likes a quiet OR with the beeping of monitors to focus on.

Shirabu sees a lot of different things and maybe it's a research hospital, and because of that Konoha is always approaching him about drug trials and getting involved. He doesn't have to tell the pretty doctor that he just wants an excuse to talk to him.

I've mentioned it but i'm gonna reiterate and add, Yahaba has the steadiest hand in the office, his stitches are the cleanest and his hand writing is the neatest, the nurses appreciate it. But he also takes a little bit longer in surgery.

The doctor the nurses like the best though? Kanoka. No doubt. I think her and Aone would be good friends.

Sakusa cannot be interrupted when scrubbing in or else he starts over.

Sakusa has terrible bedside manner, he's so blunt about it, but he's very very good at his job. He knows the brain\nerves hardware not the software, emotions are Akaashi's job.

Sakusa and Akaashi actually get along really well, 2 weirdos. Though Sakusa will not go in Akaashi's apartment ever, it's a mess it's terrible.

Hoshiumi is the most chaotic doctor, he's a trauma surgeon so naturally he spends most of his time on call in the emergency room. But he's not great at sitting still so, he likes to just show up places. (others that like to just show up: Usuri)

Terushima is also chaotic, but not while at work. He gets so focused and is very efficient. He is however the one trying to wrangle the NGC for after work activities along with Yamamoto and Atsumu

Ennoshita and Yamamoto end up interacting a lot, because Yamamoto's patients often need some course of physical therapy.

First Years!

Tsukishima as a Resident along with Goshiki but he spends more time with Akaashi in the psych department, so he'd have the plot line of understanding and like working through his problems with trusting people through what he sees at work. Mentor figure akaashi??? accidental mentor?

Speaking of Goshiki, I think Shirabu cannot handle him alone he needs a buffer in almost every situation but Shirabu is always surprised/impressed with how he completely changes when in surgery, kid knows what he's doing he's just excitable and a little full of himself

Koganegawa is an emergency med resident, he's really good at working the odd hours and bouncing from case to case. He knows what he's doing but he can be a bit much for people

I want to include Kindaichi and Teshiro too, but I'm not sure where they'll fit in

ROOMMATES!!!!!! and general living situation HCs

Yahaba and Shirabu

they're odd roommates both bring a bit of rich kid energy but very differently like Shirabu has a really minimalist way about things, whereas Yahaba is a trinkets person he's photos up everywhere, he's got little collections, he's decorated they're living room, he has a cat that roams the apartment and acts like it hates Shirabu but sleeps in his laundry

Ennoshita and Daichi (who is a paramedic in this)

childhood friends to roommates, it makes their families happy to know they're together

Tsukki, Goshiki, and Koganegawa

that one is a mess for a while, but they coexist fine, Kogane works weird hours whereas the other two have more regular schedules. They all have time when they're the only one there (that's awake at least)

Futakuchi has a tiny 1 bed apartment because it's all he could afford in the city when he first got there and he never got around to finding a better place. He'll argue it's closer and he can walk to work, so it's better, but no one else agrees

Sakusa and Komori

The place is spotless, except for Komori's room (still clean but typical clutter, ya know). He keeps common spaces clean for Sakusa's sake though.

Anyway I'm super happy someone else is maybe invested in this as much as I am!

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cocklessboy · 1 year

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The problem with my ADHD medication is that it wears off every evening.

I had some success with Ritalin, but I had some really unpleasant side effects with it. Constant desperate thirst, no appetite, grogginess, occasional racing pulse, and, oddly, disruptively increased sex drive (to which my psychiatrist said, and I quote, “well that’s weird. that shouldn’t happen.” exactly what you want to hear your doctor say). I was panicking, because Ritalin was my last hope. There are no other ADHD meds in this country (we don’t even have Adderall here), just atomoxetine (which gave me psychotic side effects) and Ritalin.

Well, methylphenidate. That’s the chemical name. Ritalin, but also... Concerta. The same drug, but in a slow-release capsule. When you take Ritalin, it enters your blood stream quickly, then gradually fades and leaves your system within about 4 hours. Concerta is taken in the morning and very slowly releases the drug over the course of 8-12 hours. In my case, about 10 hours, pretty consistently.

On the Concerta, my side effects vanished. I have. ZERO SIDE EFFECTS. Just the benefits. It has been life-changing. I get done in a single day what used to take me a month. Easily. With minimal effort. And with no side effects.

That constant desperate itchy NEED for stimulation is... gone. I can just... do stuff. Focus on stuff. Remember stuff.

I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 37 years old. 37 years of coping mechanisms and just scraping by. 37 years of hating myself and assuming I was the lazy, useless loser everyone said I was. 37 years of finding clever ways to trick my brain into letting me do basic life tasks.

And now I have my medication. A medication that works, perfectly, and with no side effects at all.

Until it wears off.

I take my pills around 10 am, and by about 8 pm, the meds have worn off. But I’m a night owl. I’m up till 1 am at the earliest. And from 8 pm till bed time I am unmedicated.

And it’s strange. It doesn’t feel like how I used to feel. By 8 pm I’ve accomplished loads. I’ve done work for my job, cleaned my home, cooked and eaten several meals, sent a load of emails, exercised, worked on projects, done some errands... And now I’m tired. Really, genuinely tired. But the gremlins have wrested back control of my brain from the medication and they are ANGRY. They have been denied their day of constant stimulation seeking. They have been denied their frequent little dopamine hits from scrolling tumblr or playing some stupid no-effort video game. They want stimulation NOW.

But there’s none left to have. There are no tasks to be distracted by, or distracted from. No emails to agonize over replying to. No work tasks that I know I should really get done but haven’t managed to do yet. No new posts to read on tumblr. And yeah, I could probably find a no-effort video game to play but... I’m tired. I’ve been doing stuff all day. I don’t want to.

But I’m not sleepy. I have that delayed sleep cycle and I absolutely cannot sleep so early no matter how tired I am.

And so I find myself in a weird haze at the end of each day when my meds wear off. The itchy feeling of needing stimulation is back, but the usual cycle of distraction and dopamine hits has been more or less dismantled. I don’t have anything ready to keep my brain satisfied anymore. I don’t have the mental energy left to focus on anything that requires even the tiniest bit of brain power. I can’t focus both because the gremlins have taken the wheel and because I’ve been focusing really well all day and my brain just doesn’t have any fuel left.

It’s a strange sort of state to be in each evening, feeling that vague need to do something but not being able to come up with anything to do.

I’m profoundly lucky that I not only have found a medication that works for me, but live in a place where it is very affordable. I wouldn’t trade my new life for anything. In the few months since I started this medication I’ve literally turned my life around. I went from barely surviving to finally being able to do all the things I’ve always needed and wanted to do with time left over to relax. There are so, so many people who could be helped just as easily, but don’t have access to the proper medication, or maybe don’t even know they need it.

But there is still this weird state I enter each evening. The gremlins are waking up just as I’m trying to head towards bed. I’ve completed my tasks for the day and I can relax and watch a movie or read a book or play a game but... I’m tired. And the gremlins are bored. It sort of... itches. But differently to how it itched before.

And I guess I need to learn new coping mechanisms for this new situation, to replace the old ones which I no longer need.

#actually adhd #adhd #ritalin #concerta #mental health #executive dysfunction #brain gremlins #neurodivergence #medication

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wild-grinders · 5 months

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Wild Grinders: The Fan Analysis (Pt.3)

First Previous

if anyone has finals, consider this as a gift for making it through

Alright, it’s time for the third part of the analysis. It took awhile to actually begin writing this because I don’t want to dive into my self-indulgent yuri-beam reboot. And we shouldn’t nitpick to make the series ‘better.’ However, there’s a lot for Wild Grinders to improve on that that leaves you thinking, ‘Actually, we should rework it entirely.’ And that’s what this is. The best way was to organize it into 3 categories: Theme, Plot, and Characters. Most of this analysis is going to focus on the writing because animation is not always in our control. (And we kinda covered animation in the last part and said it needed a whole renovation).

That being said, this part of the analysis is primarily focused on keeping the structure of the TV series and the original vision that Rob Dyrdek has. (To the best of my ability).

[Part A]

Let’s assume that the script is taken seriously. Wild Grinders need to have a better overall theme because the wacky skate tricks didn’t do enough to draw in attention.

The current theme of Wild Grinders doesn’t exactly work. As mentioned in the second of my analysis, the writers were trying their best to appeal to the Gen Z audience. Usually by means of implementing modern pop culture references and putting social media in the spotlight in the latest episodes. While the writers aren’t wrong about the technology/socmed obsession amongst children, they missed out on an extremely alarming picture. They didn’t notice why children were becoming gravitated to this era of internet.

Recently, I have been learning about the way that society treats children and teenagers. (Awkward sentence, sorry). But I find myself learning more and more about the ways that society puts control on what kids can and cannot do. Many adults make the decisions to remove places to hang out such as parks and even skate parks (reason: to prevent drug dealers). In the age of our digital era, theaters and physical media are diminishing in favor of online subscriptions. Basically, kids are losing public spaces where they can hang out safely.

And it does NOT stop there. Cops are constantly being funded to ‘handle’ teens who are loitering (Why? Because they don’t have places to hang out). I don’t want to go on an off-topic rant in this analysis, but this post sums up what I’m trying to talk about. It really makes your brain think about the ways that society fails to let kids… be kids. Society uses harmful tactics to remove teenagers for ‘the greater safety’ of property. And I doubt that adults will listen to younger people who speak up about it. Instead, society would rather complain about raising a generation of phone-addicted youths. Older children and teenagers will be threatened and put into dangerous just by being outside because cops have control on where they can be. And by having ‘suspicion’ on teenagers is absolutely allowed in their rulebook to put a kid in a police station.

This is what Wild Grinders should have focused on as the whole theme if you consider the setting it takes place in (2010ish). If the writers wanted to talk about the phone-addicted kids, then they should have questioned why it was happening in the first place. Not only that, but it’s just a perfect theme for Wild Grinders. Reason one, it’s completely different from Rocket Power (their main theme was the history and safety of extreme sports). Reason two, it fits for the main cast. Lil’ Rob is literally the embodiment of ‘screw your authority!’ Jay Jay and Spitball are literally POC characters that the police often go after and the series could have delved into this. In Ketterville-canon, Jack Knife is homeless and lives under a highway, he’s 100% anti-cop. Emo Crys could have went to Linkin Park territory and his archetype was meant to be an intensely rebellious soul. And Goggles? He has the camera to capture video evidence of everything they go through.

Is it possible to air an anti-cop TV series? Nope. But it’s very possible to write and utilize it for what Wild Grinders is. A group of preteens who want to just hang out and skate. In fact, a few of the episodes featured the Wild Grinders being turn away by security and cops when they wanted to find a place to skate. However, they just obeyed in favor of ‘sending a good message to kids about obeying the rules.’ And the script writers didn’t think to push it further than this. But man, they could have done something else entirely if they went to the territory of police brutality used on adolescents. The Monster High Movie, Ghouls Rule! actually did something like this! The movie managed to present a family-friendly version of what ‘police brutality on teenagers’ feels like. To be specific, it wasn’t until 2020 when MH fans became aware of this hidden message and began openly talking about it on Tumblr and TikTok. But to keep it brief, Monster High movies were able to explain police brutality and racism incredibly well. And it’s possible for Wild Grinders to use this a whole theme for a series about kids who want to skateboard in an anti-children and anti-loitering system.

But anti-cops won’t be the only theme in Wild Grinders, there’s another theme that I would love to see; a coalition of diverse skaters. Rob Dyrdek’s vision when creating the Wild Grinders’ characters was to have a diverse cast who were brought together by their love of skating. The idea of diversity has always been intentional for Wild Grinders, but the writers did NOT utilize it enough! They attempted to make the cast be diverse in personality, but they made all of their backgrounds vague and look like they were all normal American kids by hiding their families. Not only that, but they missed out on multiple opportunities to create other skaters outside of the Wild Grinders skate crew. (We’ll talk about this later). In the second season, they were close to introducing the ‘Street Rats’, the crew that Squeaks was apart of. But 2015 happened and Rob Dyrdek packed up his TV series because he didn’t have the motivation to continue Wild Grinders. But we can’t really blame Dyrdek, he was going through a rough patch at the time and the studio screwed Wild Grinders over (in animation and the writing). And that’s why I’m here to talk about what should have been done. And most of it is to improve the writing! The writers were adults who didn’t bother to understand what kids wanted more of at the time and began to parody off of other kids’ TV series.

But yeah. If the writers weren’t bent to the idea of kids-being-incapable-of-thought-processing, then we could see more effort being put into the theme. And not just that, but some of the writers just weren’t here to write for kids and wanted to write Adult Swim jokes. Do I have a passive-aggressive voice about these adult writers? Definitely. Children deserve to consume media that has good writing about meaningful messages in the world.

[Part B]

Next step, Wild Grinders needs to use these two main themes for the plot.

We know for a fact that Rob Dyrdek never planned for a real plot in Wild Grinders. If we were to take his route, Wild Grinders will eventually become boring because a good plot draws people more than the quirkiness. In order to draw people through quirkiness, the visuals need to exceed expectations (clearly something that Wild Grinders failed to do in animation). Therefore, we need to think about a plot for Wild Grinders because it does NOT have the budget for a Kyoto Animation or BONES Studio anime. The plot is compensation here!! It needs to be worked on well!!

Let’s diverge from Rob Dyrdek’s ideas. He wants to make an amazing, cool, and crazy series. But in order to do something like this, you do need some sort of plot. Conflict in writing can lead to all sorts of situations that causes to the characters to be cool, crazy, and amazing.

There is some plot in the writing of Wild Grinders, each episode being 13 minutes long and trying its best to implement one. Most of the episodes have decent plots, but these plots didn’t grab the audiences’ attention, unless you actually liked Wild Grinders as a whole. I don’t know the most professional way to explain this, but Wild Grinders needs a build-up to a greater plot, it needs an actual ‘Big Bad’. Or it just needs a longer run time to build it up better. Some of my favorite small, plot-driven episodes were ‘Midas Touch’ and ‘Skater Who Cried Wolf’ because it didn’t rely on wacky quips to make it entertaining. ‘Skater Who Cried Wolf’ made the animation put extra effort in enhancing the setting, by having Lil’ Rob and his friends watch a horror movie on a school night and then making a ghost-hunting green-filtered screen chase around in the woods. It was just a cool episode compared to the rest. But ‘Midas Touch’? That episode will always be my weakness in Wild Grinders. It focused on a character other than Lil’ Rob, but the plot would be rushed because of the runtime. I wanted to see deeper into Goggles’s character when he decided to become popular. Hell, I wanted to see him be mean to his friends and let the popularity get into his head. (Well, we did see this in ‘Going Hollyweird’, but even that was short). But the resolution to ‘Midas Touch’ was simplified where Goggles’s just cries about not being able to nerd out. No. I want more inner conflict on his side and his to feel deeper regrets other than rejecting a movie screening. While these episodes are both quick and easy plots, ‘Midas Touch’ contributed to the greater idea that is known as character development. Something that is essential for a greater plot. Can I elaborate why this is? Not really, but you just have trust me that it does work.

Anyways, let’s get into the real idea here. Using the themes of diversity and cops abusing their authority on the youth. The main plot will have to involve a large-scale conflict against the police force that bans skateboarding. That’s it. That’s the plot. But it will need to developed throughout the series, carefully placed in different episodes until it becomes a more blatant problem. Think about it for a moment. The first episode makes an off-hand reference to the way that police ‘warn’ skateboarding kids to stay away from the mall. Then it leads to episodes where characters are being arrested for ‘loitering’ in an outdoor public space. Finally, there’s an entire ban on skateboarding in the whole city and you’ve got a group of kids who are willing to challenge it. This is what the writers completely missed out on because they didn’t put themselves in the same shoes of Gen Z youth.

And we can add more to this mix. We need to add in a diversity of skateboarders, they all come from different backgrounds and have different experiences, but they share their love of skateboarding and do their best to protect each other in a world where adults rule over them. Wild Grinders needs LGBTQ kids, teens who want justice for their POC friends, and young adults who are willing to listen to them. They all love skateboarding and they’re sick of adults who want to take their skating spaces away from them.

Wild Grinders was able to make this a plot, but they didn’t.

[Part C]

We need to talk about the characters. We’ve got a lot and we’ve got nothing going on for the cast. As stated before, Rob Dyrdek wanted to create a diverse cast of skateboarders. But he didn’t do the best job at balancing them as characters. Obviously, Lil’ Rob was the main character and got all the attention, but it got to the point that he was considered a Gary Stu because of it. There’s such an imbalance between him and his friends. The TV series didn’t do ALL of the Wild Grinders any justice. They were all watered down to adore Lil’ Rob and when they never got any real development. There was an attempt to balance the characters, but they were lacking. They were always reduced to their conventional personalities and felt static and sterile. Lil’ Rob clearly has the majority of episodes that focus on him.

It’s shocking that Emo Crys has the least amount of episodes considering his popularity and the fact that Rob Dyrdek always hyped him during the first wave of toys. But it’s important to note that the rest of the cast often got their spotlight stolen by Lil’ Rob when they were meant to have an episode dedicated to them. ‘Wild BFFs’ is an oddball on here because it didn’t really contribute to Jack Knife’s characters, but it was an episode where Lil’ Rob didn’t take it away from him. Either way, these were the episodes where the writers tried to put some spotlight on the rest of the main cast, but these episodes fell short. Jay Jay and Emo Crys had the most lukewarm episodes where Lil’ Rob usually has to solve the problem. ‘Wild Grinder with Two Heads’ was the only episode where Lil’ Rob was actually cut off, but both Jay Jay and Emo Crys had to share this episode. Honestly, it wasn’t exactly the best episode because it was one of the ‘wacky’ ones and it’s just brings secondhand embarrassment to watch it. It’s great to see 2 different characters (one of them not being Lil’ Rob) have to work out their problem together, but I would rather have it be a handcuffs situation where they were forced to work out their differences. Spitball is clearly the quiet character and that makes some excuse for his lack of episodes. To keep him mysterious. Goggles had the best development out of everyone in most of his episodes, but it still feels underwhelming until ‘Midas Touch’. While it looks like Jack Knife has a lot of episodes, there’s something that pisses me off about them all. It’s his Sprawl City-canon personality. He was reduced to being the dumb, uneducated American with a southern accent. This funny persona basically demolishes him from having a meaningful character arc. I want the Ketterville-canon Jack Knife for a lot of reasons, but mostly because the whole point of his character was being the kindest out of all the Wild Grinders despite the fact that he was poor and made to always be the joke. Before the production of the TV series, all the Grinders had expression sheets drawn by Tracey, only Emo Crys’s sheet being released. However, there was a tweet that revealed a glimpse of Jack Knife’s sheet where he was like full-on, pissed-the-hell-off.

The only reason why they could never let Jack Knife be angry in the series was to probably avoid him from looking like an angry redneck due to his strong southern accent being permanent later on. If they stuck to the Ketterville-canon and original voice actor for Jack Knife, we could have had an episode where he finally snaps after being docile for long enough. My boy was meant to slash tires and defend his friends when they are mistreated!!

Speaking of Ketterville-canon, it was very fleshed-out and made the characters unique and interesting. You want to know why Spitball got his nickname? He used his spit on people because he thought it would heal wounds from a story he heard. The writers should have made Emo Crys way more moodier and Jay Jay deserves more screen time of his hobbies. The rest of the cast needs to have conflicts (both internal and outside) of their lives and be able to resolve them. The writers avoided anything that would truly challenge the characters in favor of keeping a conventional typecast. And we aren’t done yet. Another improvement on characters we need is: less antagonists and adults that appear for an episode. There’s too many one-time villains in the TV series than like, actual kids who are the same age the Wild Grinders. No, this doesn’t mean we need a girl skate crew to play as girlfriends. Absolutely not. We need different kids who love to skateboard. We need gay and trans kids. We need to see black and brown skateboarding kids. We need to see new designs for characters and skate crews who can make challenges and befriend the Wild Grinders. If kids are going to watch the TV series, they deserve to feel seen because Wild Grinders make more celebrities and adults in the cast where they don’t do a lot. (Unless it’s Lil’ Rob’s mom. She contributes more to the story than the actual antagonists).

Anyways, we need better development for the main and reoccurring cast. But we need to see a diversity of skateboarders as well to create unique plots and encourage character development by having them interact with the Wild Grinders. I’m tired from writing all of this in one shot, but it’s sincerely tiring that the script writers wrote everything the way it is in the TV series.

Apologies if any part of this analysis feels rushed or incomplete, it’s the week of finals and my brain isn’t working (and threw off everything I was supposed to write about the analysis). To the few people reading this, thank you and hope that this enhances the brainrot. Feedback is very appreciated on my end.

#wild grinders #my post #text #feel free to send asks after reading

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starsscarmyceiling · 11 months

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ooo um I want to know about this merrical zombie fic 👀

Aww, thanks anon!

WOW, well, where do I even start with them?? THEY. The idea for this fic came from having an already started Reylo TLOU fic from my post TROS and TLOU 2 pains, and one day I sat down with myself and was like…but what if also Merrical though (much like I did with my neighbors AU bahahaha I have no self-control). Then the image of Cal wielding around two machetes fell into my brain and I was like OKAY THIS IS HAPPENING…

BUT THEN—I was like KATIE for the love of GOD please do not start another WIP, so it went on the back burner…for like a WHILE. I barely had an outline really, and then for quite some time I knew it was just going to be something I wanted to do down the line—but THEN—

Last October I got COVID for the first time, and well, I got into my TLOU 2 feels again (of which, that game was very hard for me) and was like UGHHHH WHYY, and idk I had a lot of time to kill…and oof well then started the absolute FEVER dream of me then writing the first 130k of this fic in two months. That was just insanity I cannot account for so much of that time. Everything just FLOWED out of me fuck have these two ruined my life.

Cal is traversing aimlessly (and has been for quite a few years) with his very well trained German Shepard, Beedee (who helps him hunt and kill infected), and he is in these woods realizing there are like not a lot of resources around…but he’s just hoping to find something…when he happens upon some featherfern he can harvest and is like OO!

Then he hears a sound snap and he only has milliseconds to react as a net is being set off around him, to which he ofc parkours himself out of it and was like damn that was close. He was going to leave, but then he’s like well actually what if I stick around for a minute and see who’s trap this is. Sitting up in a tree, Cal realizes he might just be lonely and want to see another person, and just before he’s about to give up—guess who comes onto the scene…

And GUESS how Cal decides to approach this situation??? It’s absolutely ridiculous I will tell you that:

“Sorry, that would have been me,” he said as she whipped around, and he supposed it wasn’t totally unexpected to be staring down the barrel of her rifle. Cal held up his hands.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t shoot you right now,” she demanded.

“Uh, well, I know you don’t know me, obviously, but…I swear we mean you no harm,” Cal insisted gently, still focusing on her weapon.

“We? How many of you are there?”

He let out a breath, tilting his head, “Just me and Beedee.”

Beedee barked, but the woman didn’t dare move, “This is your animal?”

“Yeah, yup,” Cal offered, sort of regretting the way it came out, “so…if you’re planning on killing me would you at least take care of my dog?”

Instead of entertaining anything he just said, she opted to scoff instead.

“So you just go around,” the woman said, stepping closer to him, “with your dog, and set off people’s traps? Why?”

“Uh,” he said as the gun was only inches from his face now, “I mean, I didn’t do it on purpose or anything.”

For the first time, she broke her focus on him, and looked over at the net again, but before Cal could fully relax, she grunted and reignited her ire.

“Did you tear a hole in it?”

“Well…I kind of, cut myself out of it when I was in midair—”

“You what?”

“What? Did you expect me to just lay back and let myself get caught in that thing?!”

She shoved the rifle at him again, “It would have made things a lot easier for me.”

Inhaling, his eyes flitted over to Beedee, who was now approaching them, “It’s fine Beedee, stay down.”

The dog did as he was told, sitting down once more, and Cal looked back over to the woman, “I really am sorry, alright? I didn’t even realize there would be anyone out here at all, let alone someone setting traps.”

“Do you have any idea how long it will take me to put it back up?”

“Well, I wouldn’t really suggest that because a torn net isn’t going to do you much good—”

She cocked the rifle’s chamber and narrowed her gaze, “Is this how you always talk to people who are literally brandishing a rifle in your face?”

In what was probably poor judgement, Cal nervously let out a chuckle, “Not…exactly, but…usually by this point the person would have made a decision whether or not they were going to shoot me—”

“And you think I won’t?!”

“No!” Cal shouted, moving his hands a bit in protest as he shook his head, “I mean—yes! Of course, I definitely still think it’s a possibility, but I kind of have this habit of talking too much when I’m nervous—”

“Something tells me that it is not just when you are nervous,” she said flatly.

“Look,” he tried to say as calmly as possible, “I can help you fix the net. I can even help you put it back up.”

She stood there for a couple of seconds, “Why?”

Cal thought the answer to that was obvious, “Well, I am the one who wrecked it, why wouldn’t I?”

“You’re acting as if we aren’t in the apocalypse. No one just does things out of the goodness of their hearts.”

A sigh escaped him, “I…realize that, but…I swear on the life of Beedee I have no other ulterior motive here.”

Again, she said nothing.

Cal closed his eyes for a moment, opening them again, “If I wanted to get away, I would have done it by now.”

“Oh, is that right?”

For an instance, Cal did nothing, but then he was swiftly reaching for her rifle before she could respond and had it pointed at her.

Then in what was the next few seconds, Cal watched her place her hands in the air, and now that he didn’t have a rifle in his face, he really got a look at her.

She was blonde, a few braids against her head with it all pulled back in a ponytail. Her skin was pale, and she had wide brown eyes that gleamed with amber as they realized the predicament she was in.

And as Cal stared on, her rifle in his grasp, he realized the one he was in.

She was goddamn stunning.

“Well,” she said, lowering her hands, placing them on her hips, “if you are going to shoot me with my own gun, just do it.”

She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever fucking seen.

Cal breathed shakily, “I’m not going to shoot you.”

Her eyes were still skeptical, but she didn’t move.

It was okay, he could definitely still have a conversation with this…ethereally…gorgeous…person.

It was fine.

“I told you…I would help you and I meant it,” he insisted, but she still narrowed her eyes nonetheless.

Cal relaxed his stance, “My name is Cal Kestis, and…I’m pretty handy with a knot or two.”

Her lovely countenance gave nothing away as he even lowered the gun all the way and offered it to her, “I even saw a rabbit just go by here. I can have Beedee on its tail no problem, so he could hopefully catch some food.”

She looked down at the rifle and then back at him. For a moment, Cal maybe thought that she was going to just take it back and shoot him, but, in what was probably considered a miracle, she took it back gently.

Cal let out an easy breath and smiled, “I can—”

“Cease your talking!” She demanded, to which he rapidly obeyed.

And…was that kinda hot?

No, it couldn’t have been.

“You are going to help me take this down and take it back to my home to patch up,” she said as she strapped the gun over her shoulder and walked over to the tree the trap was tied to, “and then you are going to leave after you put it back up. By yourself.”

Okay, so it was a little hot.

Oh, fuck.

“Alright,” he agreed, “let me just—”

She whipped her head at him, and he held up his hands, “Let me just get Beedee on that rabbit.”

Her head gave the slightest of nods, and she went back to untying.

Again, he let out a breath, and he had to quickly turn around himself, lest he lose himself in checking out the rest of her body, which was just downright unfair.

“Come ‘mere buddy,” Cal said softly, and Beedee trotted happily over to his master. He knelt down on the floor and let Beedee lick his face a couple of times, “alright, alright. We’re okay, huh?”

Cal gave him a few scratches behind the ears, “Good boy, now, I need you to track that rabbit that just came through here, okay?”

Beedee merely panted at him, so Cal pointed at the ground, giving the whistle that meant to track and hunt, which caused the dog to start sniffing right away.

Ever the great hunter, Beedee seemed to sniff out something right away, proceeding to follow it in the bushes, and then, he was off to hopefully find the bounty for them.

Cal turned back around, seeing her look in his direction as she finished untying the rope.

“So he is just going to hunt it?” She asked in a less hostile voice.

“Oh yeah, he’ll be fine. If he finds it, he’ll bring it back to us,” Cal explained.

“But we are going to be moving,” she pointed out.

Cal looked up, seeing that the net was caught up in the tree, close to where he was before.

“Well, he’ll be able to find me as long as you don’t live too far.”

She stood there, crossing her arms, “I live about one hundred yards to the east.”

“Oh, see! That’s like nothing, hey,” he said, “the net’s caught up there I can go get it down.”

Before she could say anything, he jumped up and grabbed the nearest branch, pulling himself onto it. Then, it didn’t take him long to find where it’d gotten stuck, so he quickly identified and solved the problem, to which the rest of the net fell to the floor.

He descended the tree, and then was jumping down again, his feet hitting the ground with another thump. For a moment when he looked up at her, he thought that she might have her rifle out on him again, but she was just standing there with her arms crossed.

She was staring at him, her eyes briefly looking up and down him, which made him nervously alert for more than a multitude of reasons before she was kneeling down and gathering the net.

Cal was immediately going to do the same, but then his eyes landed on the featherfern he was planning to harvest.

“Oh right, I was going to—”

“Do you have something better to do, monkey man?”

She was looking up at him incredulously, and he shook his head, his heart beating at the nickname she had suddenly given him.

“Uh, no,” he said, blinking a couple of times before he decided he could just come and get it later.

As Cal also now knelt on the ground, he felt anxiety spike through him, and he knew that he was never going to be able to shut his stupid mouth.

“It’s Cal,” he said out of nowhere.

Her head lifted to him with a raised eyebrow and he shrugged.

“In case you forgot—”

“I remember your name Cal Kestis,” she said, and then it did other things to him to hear his own name come out of her mouth as she stood with her side of the net, to which he quickly followed. She appeared to be about half a foot shorter than him, but she was still exceedingly intimidating, “I just prefer to compare you to a monkey due to your affinity for flouncing about in trees and your incessant chittering.”

She finished her sentence with gathering what she had of the net and slammed it into his chest.

His mouth was hanging open stupidly as he stared down at her. Their eyes met for the briefest, terrifying moment, before she was turning around and promptly walking off in a direction she obviously seemed confident in.

“Right,” he said, not sure if the whole ‘monkey man’ thing was meant to be an insult or not, but he just let himself breathe in and out before he was following her, presumably to where this beautiful, mysterious woman lived.

WE LIKE TO HAVE FUN HERE.

ALSO—I feel like I kind of have to put another preview in here…it’s kind of become a Thing™ in the Merrical server to say “giving someone a haircut” is to express care for someone as a metaphor. After Cal and Merrin have been traveling together and have grown close, Cal still has a difficult time like ever advocating for himself or anything he needs. It’s very easy for him to take care of everyone else instead, and he again, never even knows how to ask for anything in return. So one day, Merrin comments on how Cal's hair has grown longer, and he's like oh yeah I guess it has I've been meaning to take care of that, but then Merrin just--offers to cut it for him, which just like makes his mind explode. It just meant so much to him that she would offer without even having to ask. SO…I suppose I wanted to share some of that scene too considering what it’s meant to all of us…✂️💕✂️💕✂️💕

Both of her hands were on either side of his head now while she was still in front of him, and she seemed to be testing the length of hair out with her fingers from what it felt like.

For some reason, he thought it was pertinent to open his eyes now.

There she was, practically eye to eye with him as her fingers sought purchase on his scalp, and it was only made worse when she flicked her gaze to his.

Despite all of the anger she had just been projecting, Merrin’s countenance seemed completely softened now. And her coffee brown eyes were scanning all over his.

What he felt in that stare was the most beautiful sunset cresting into the distant mountains, and up until this point in his aggrievedly ambivalent existence, those mountains always felt like they were so impossible to reach, too far to even fathom before the darkness settled over.

But now?

With her here with him?

He was there, at the summit and letting the last of the sun’s rays warm his skin, like she was his guide, his refuge, in the night.

What a simple change, it seemed.

Or, at least it did in this moment.

And fuck he felt like Beedee whenever Cal scratched at just the right spot, and the dog turned into a melted mess on the floor, belly up and ready for all the pets.

Cal was certainly belly up now with her hands still so gently trekking their way through his hair.

“Hm,” he let out in a completely unwitting manner because he really was a fucking mess, and his eyes blinked slowly at her.

“Sorry,” she whispered softly with a bit of a lift in her voice, “I am just trying to see if everything is even.”

Cal practically wheezed at her. Apologize? She was apologizing?

He was about to lay down on the goddamn floor and tell her she could do whatever she wanted to him.

His mouth was a bit ajar as a brief exhale escaped it.

“It’s fine,” he finally attempted to convey, “take your time Mer…”

In another practically perfunctory action, he offered her a smirk. And he probably looked like an idiot, but—

He felt, for once in his whole miserable goddamn life where he thought for so long the only good place he had any more was in his memories…too special to care.

People just simply—didn’t do things like this for him, even before when he was at the base.

And it wasn’t their fault, really. It’s not like Cal knew how to ask for anything pretraining to himself or of his needs ever at all. That is another reason why taking care of everyone else came so easily to him.

So to see Merrin here now, so delicately weaving herself into his soul, it could have practically brought him to tears if he wasn’t careful.

This whole experience was certainly surging him through quite the myriad of emotions.

And Merrin was just giving him a fucking haircut.

But he wanted to reach for her now, turn his head so he could kiss at her wrists, slide his hands over her arms and slowly beckon her to sit in his lap now for an entirely different reason, so he could just hold her, show her his gratitude.

And if that led to him being able to lay his face gently on her cleavage, then that was just something he was willing sacrifice for the greater good of such an expression of thanks.

“Alright,” Merrin gently concluded as her hands, much to Cal’s dismay dropped and fell away from him, but they ever so briefly fell to his upper chest, where he was seriously about to raise his hands to place over hers in order to return the sentiment, but then she was actually standing up straight again.

Her eyes seemed to be taking him in, or more than likely examining her work, even though they lingered in certain places that Cal wished he could know so he could meet her there.

“I think it is complete enough,” she resolved now.

He was going to need about five to fifteen hundred business days to recover from that.

“Mm, okay,” he said, feeling like he had almost fucking disassociated for an actual positive reason for the first time in his life, which he honestly didn’t know was a possibility for him.

Cal did live in and inhabit a body, that’s right.

Why didn’t he just slide his way back into that thing, that ginger thing on the chair that was completely at this woman’s mercy.

Luckily, Merrin seemed to be able to pick up the slack when it came to human interaction.

“Would you like to go see it?”

He would like to go do literally anything she suggested.

His head trailed up her form as he breathed out though his nose. Their eyes met, and hers seemed to be surprisingly not impatient, but just waiting. Waiting for him to finally figure out how to be a person again.

A slow grin formed on his face, “Yeah. I’d like to see it.”

Finally, he recalled that he possessed leg muscles and used them to stand up.

Merrin was there, and he felt like he was drunk. Fucking inebriated off of her presence.

“Come on Cal Kestis,” she stated, taking him by the arm as she picked up one of the candles on the counter.

I am going to follow this woman to the end of actual time, he thought to himself.

And he would—he would stand there with her, until the sun rose again.

OOF, Cal Kestis, you are fucking in for it.

Yeah, idk what it is about these two in particular, but dear LORDT. They have…they have really fucked me UP.

Buuut, yeah, a lot of moving parts in the works rn before I post this. But believe you me, so soooo very eager to share…you DON’T even fucking know.

This was so much fun guys!!! Thank you SO much for all of your asks in this game

#WOW okay i got through them guys!#thank you so much for all of the asks this was so much fun!#i cannot wait to show you guys all of these #and...btw...incoming haircuts are under the cut 😏#✂️✂️✂️#y'all are awesome i love us!#also these two are HELLA dumb fr #fanfic #my fanfic #merrical fanfic #merrical #wip title game #ask #scitpq

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