#because that is Just how i look !!! and because masks are Required by law !!! and Help stop the spread of covid !!!!!!!

[unovan-gardener]

Doin a Protest!!

Hello all Nimbasa College Students and Staff Members!

You may know me as the Honors College RA, or as the President of the Gardening Club. Or maybe just as that guy who spends a lot of time laying in the field outside Natural Sciences a lot.

But today, you should know me as the guy who is particularly upset about the new Castelia City Mayor, Lucrezia Minskt.

The protest will be happening Tomorrow Morning, and we will be meeting up at the Natural Sciences building. As always while protesting, remember to wear an air filter mask and goggles in case of tear gas, as well as obscuring your identity. This is meant to be a peaceful protest, but I have no doubt in my mind that Minskt will attempt to escalate the protest so that she can take legal action, and arrest peaceful protesters.

I have so many notes on the things that Minskt has done, but because they are so long, they will be under the cut to avoid this post being absurdly long.

Minskt is spraying chemical aerosol around the area of Lostlorn Forest, a known habitat for primary bug and grass type pokemon, as well as zoroark. She claims that the aerosol is "patented by my own personal private research company, Minskt R&D, which is proven to repel wild Bug Type Pokémon with minor irritation and no permanent harm*. *excluding Joltik and Galvantula species, which are known to experience semi-extreme illness and major disruption of senses, however are not currently listed as an encroaching pest species and should not be at risk of encountering the aerosol systems". Minskt is also planning to do cutback of Lostlorn's "overgrowth".

Many people in Castelia have already come out and stated that the aerosol is already beginning to come into the city, likely due to airflow, and is harming many of the native wild pokemon there. Atley Deo, the head of Deo Horticulture, has also noted that "In harming the native bug pokemon of Castelia and Lostlorn, so too does Minskt harm the environment itself. Many plants and grass type pokemon rely on bug types for pollination to spread and grow, and to take bug types out of the equation is to throw the entire ecosystem out of wack." There have also been reports that those with asthma have needed to be hospitalized due to the aerosol. Which brings into question how a "panel of ethicists has absolved the Castelia City government, the Minskt Corporation, and any workers therein of any responsibility in the rare and unforeseen possibility of adverse ecological effects", considering there has already been a great number of adverse ecological effects.

There is also the fact that Minskt is now been "authorised by my decree as mayor to mobilize their own private security forces to bolster numbers in police departments around the city!" due to an "increase in vigilantes and individuals acting outside the law to perform unlicensed and citizen endangering personal justice, as well as a responding rise in violent crime" Which. I had one of my honors Law students look at it and not there has not been.

These squadrons also contain: "5-8 highly trained private military personnel, armed with new and unreleased Minskt Security armaments, including high-tech contained plasma cannons, hard light nets, automated targeting drones and experimental hovercraft for inner city manoeuvring!" The important part of this is "New and unreleased". Once again, had my honors Law students look at it, and that definitely sounds like these "armaments" (which is just a fancy word for military weapons and equipment) are not registered under Unovan law (a process that would take months), and are therefore illegal, especially in use against civilians.

Also, bafflingly, she appears to be racist against 'eeby deebies' (although she's referring to them as elevated, which is weird because she seems to dislike them), as she is claiming they require "supervision from a registered pokemon trainer to shop in non-specialty stores". and appears to be attempting to extend these laws to hyrbids. AND to campaign to extend to their "sister city" Nimbasa.

That's all I've got so far, if you have more feel free to DM me and I'll add it to this post. She needs to be stopped though, she's been given and inch, and she's been taking miles.

#werepurrsian arc #pkmn irl #pokeblogging #rotomblr #pokemon irl #irl pokemon #irl pkmn #tw racism #//Atley Deo is CD's dad :)

[hungrydolphin91]

@magicmetslogic well since you asked so nicely ^^ I have to warn you though, it's mostly just a messy outline:

Tales of Vesperia and Evasive Language:

A while back I was feeling nostalgic and started watching an old stream archive of Vesperia Definitive Edition from back when that came out out, and I noticed how the three guys playing it for the first time didn’t always understand what was happening in a scene until halfway through it because the characters were speaking evasively. The more I noticed it, the more I realized just how often Vesperia in particular uses this type of language to add drama and depth to the story and characters, and even support the game’s themes of justice in regards to compliance versus disobedience. Specifically, that evasive language is used in this game to get around laws, for better or for worse, and even by characters that are otherwise lawful (looking at you, Flynn).

I’m not talking about lying or deceptive language, but more of a roundabout, masked language. The characters in this game tell half-truths or speak about a subject without ever saying directly what they mean, but leave enough context for the others to figure it out. Sometimes the "others" refers to other characters, but it can also mean only the audience, creating drama and foreshadowing. For example, lines like Yuri’s ominous “He will get what he deserves” in Capua Torim after Cumore escapes or Judith promise “I will uphold the guild’s laws. But in my own way,” are not lies, but they’re certainly dodging the character’s true intentions– imagine if they had just said “I’m going to murder that guy” or “My reasons for destroying blastia are actually good, but society isn’t ready for that conversation yet.” These examples, though, are more like writing tools meant to be understood by only the audience to keep them curious rather than covertly communicating with another character. Most of the evasive language is used in a less meta context.

The characters most notable for using this language are Yuri and Judith as mentioned before, but also Flynn, Rita, and Raven. Conversations between these characters often require a lot of reading between the lines, like Yuri and Flynn’s early arguments and Yuri and Judith’s one-on-one nighttime chats. The game even seems to encourage the player to look closely at their lines by calling out their evasive personalities, like Estelle saying several times that “Yuri isn’t very good at expressing his feelings” or Judith claiming she’s “not very good at lying” when they actually are, just in a more coded way.

Sometimes they speak this way to protect a secret, like Judith’s reasons for destroying blastia

Judith doesn’t REALLY lie, she just dodges targeted subjects. In a way she’s even more suspicious than Raven, but I think maybe her charisma helps keep the party (minus Yuri, who knows her background) from suspecting her to be up to something

Other times they talk like this to conceal their own feelings, like Yuri, Rita, and sometimes Flynn. Eg. Yuri’s “Catch up to him? Easy for him to say” or Rita’s tsundere-isms to hide that she just wants to travel more/be with Estelle

And of course there’s Raven, hiding his assigned agenda with evasive language but usually doing such a poor job of it that every party member finds him suspicious as hell. Once he’s actually in the party he straight up lies convincingly rather than beating around the bush

(Though part of his successful deception may rely on him being SO suspicious that he couldn't ACTUALLY be as sus as he seems 😅)

But the most prominent example of evasive language being used to advance the themes of the story is the frequent fluctuation between following the letter of the law vs the spirit of the law, used as both constraints and loopholes, by parties under both the Empire and the Guilds. (Eg. Flynn's 'If I don't return you'll have to take my place' vs. Karol's 'everyone in the guild should be punished because technically we're all kinda responsible' etc.)

The streamers and I both were relishing that scene in Capua Nor where Yuri’s party agrees to break the law and sneak into Ragou’s manor in order to give Flynn’s unit the authority to enter under emergency protocol because all of this is established in evasive language-- no one is admitting to the plan verbally but it's established anyway via loopholes and coincidences. It’s definitely illegal by Imperial law, the Knights shouldn’t be collaborating with a known criminal in order to achieve their ends, but since their enemy (also under the Empire) has twisted the laws to suit him perfectly, they all have to bend the rules a little to enforce justice. This ties in marvelously with the themes of the game, that sometimes in order to stop corruption you have to resort to some underhanded methods yourself, yet also exemplifies how this corruption happens in the first place, with Ragou only being able to run his wicked schemes because he has the authority to go above the law.

The guilds actually operate under the same principles as the Empire, maybe even more so. A guild’s laws are its pride, as karol says, and this is shown to be true with how the Don was executed because “eye for an eye” is ingrained in guild law. But shortly after Brave Vesperia is formed, they’re already looking for loopholes to do things like take on more than one job. The scene at the Atherum employs more of that evasive language, this time with Rita deciding to deliver the clear ciel crystal for Estelle’s sake since the guild can’t take another job. 

It’s just interesting to me how quickly they’ve all started finding loopholes to their own rules even though creating their own guild outside of the Empire's laws was so important to them. What they’re doing isn’t wrong or underhanded, but it is illegal, and thus they resort to hypothetical suggestions and coincidences.

#tales of vesperia #someday I'll come back to this with better screenshots and evidence 😅 #im not sure this is even going anywhere as much as it is just observations on something i think is neat #but i think it could be at least tangentally related to the game's themes of justice and whether the law can effectively protect its people

[columboscreens]

What's your headcanons for Columbo?

Does he have a wife? Does he have over 10 murderer boyfriends? Etc

part of what makes columbo so fun to watch is that the showrunners essentially wanted you to make headcanons about columbo. much of the intended fun and mystique of the character is thinking about his personal life and what makes him tick.

now as for me, i'm completely nuts, so asking me about my columbo headcanons is like opening pandora's box. it's overwhelming. i have headcanons about what the man wears when he begrudgingly remembers to take out the trash at 11 pm. so i'll try to keep it short with my more sane and general ones:

his name is francesco

his wife is real. it's fun to imagine him single, but the wifeless theory doesn't hold much water. as time went on, the writers made a conscious and overt decision to make columbo's wife a real entity. between private phone calls and cruise trips, it becomes an active effort for one to ignore her presence, despite the fact that you never see her. in fact, they came close to showing her:

my headcanon for them is that they're like most interesting couples: similar in important ways, but complementary. e.g. columbo clawed his way out of high school, she finished postgrad summa cum laude. he's messy, she's clean. he loves gourmet cooking, she burns water. she's a techie, he couldn't hack his way out of a paper bag. she has her series 7 license, he kind of knows what a stock is. etc.

he reads. constantly. even if it's just the newspaper

he's more refined than he lets on. columbo may be a self-proclaimed chili-eating mark twain louis armstrong cream soda kind of guy who confuses HVAC ductwork for art installations, but i think he's someone who cares about the integrity of the things around him. he has taste. he's realistic, he values simplicity, but he's not a rube. he appreciates quality items, good food, good music, and fine traits in people.

he's more introverted than he lets on. he can be garrulous and friendly with strangers, but lots of times we find him silent and/or lost in thought. he largely works alone and we often see him alone off the clock.

his job affects him more than he lets on. i mean kind of a given, right? he's seen it all, but he's still human. aside from being perpetually tired and hungry because he's hyperfixating on his work, i imagine he has some degree of post-traumatic stress. in my head columbo wakes up sometimes in a cold sweat thinking about the girl who jumped off a balcony or the guy strangled to death at the gym

he was a troublemaker as a kid. i love imagining him as an agent of the law born out of his chaotic, delinquent upbringing. i sometimes entertain the theory that he's killed or had someone close to him killed as an impetus for the sheer drive he has for his work. i also think he was definitely the most annoying motherfucker on the block as a kid and his brothers bullied him for it so hard he turned it into a strength

his fashion sense is actually good. more of a gripe i have than a headcanon. it irks me when people diss columbo's fit. young columbo clearly knows how to dress, and stock standard columbo changes subtly throughout the show. but the basics--the tan raincoat, grey/reddish/brown suit, white/creme button-down, dark green tie, brown chukka boots--are very well-coordinated in color and material. they're baggy out of necessity, not sloppiness. he moves around constantly and thus prioritizes comfort in a job and milieu that require a suit and tie in sunny southern california. it makes perfect sense that he'd eschew a sharply tailored worsted wool getup and opt for roomy linen! he dislikes overly tight clothes. which leads me to...

...he's a certified Freak and he gets "weirder" with age as he grows less and less concerned with how he comes off to others--"masking", so to speak. related to this is that the raincoat is his safety blanket, as he's sensitive to textures and levels of pressure/constriction. just look at him trying to think in the Wrong Coat:

he's got a thing for belly dancers:

sometimes he'll swing by the grocery store at 10 pm to pick up something for the wife and when nobody is looking he rides his shopping cart through the store like this

he has a strategy when he goes to buffets. the little old lady in front of him may be piling noodles and rice onto her plate but columbo's got so much steak and shrimp on his that they're about to ask him to leave

#columbo #ask #misc #longpost #text #headcanons

[verysium]

ive always imagined mrs itoshi to be a really energetic woman. you know those middle aged women that are just so youthful, you can feel her energy and aura when she's in the room. and she would definitely love saes gf. because sae has a personality totally opposite to hers but after committing to a relationship he learns a lot from you and you encourage him to to strengthen his family bonds. she would LOVE spending time with you, talk to you about fashion and gossip. she'd call you her daughter in lawww omg shut up i love her

🥲 *cries in heavily dysfunctional mommy issues* when will it finally be my turn to experience the kind and loving touch of a middle-aged woman? sae better treasure his mama or else i'm gonna steal her from him when he's not looking.

on a more realistic note, i do think mama itoshi would be the type of person who simply doesn't age. there is something irrevocably uplifting and youthful about her, and i think that has a lot to do with the adversity she's faced throughout her lifetime both as a woman and a mother. even though she's soft-spoken, she is firm and headstrong. definitely knows what she wants. she always tells sae that the strongest people are the ones who smile, no matter what life puts them through. (obviously, that lesson flew right over sae's head cus he looks perpetually depressed but whatever...)

i honestly don't think sae has a strong attachment with either parent, but he isn't averse to them either. it's the small things that you pick up about him. how he never lets anyone touch him but stays still when his mother to brush his bangs back. how he never buys those expensive lunch meals during practice because he prefers his mother's homemade bentos. how he doesn't like to show unnecessary emotion but cracks a small smile at his mama's kitchen antics.

idk if it's just me, but i also feel like his mother was the stricter of the two parents. both sae and rin were forced to become self-sufficient from a young age. walked themselves to practice. bought snacks with their own allowance. sae even took a train ride to tokyo by himself to find a representative agent. not saying their parents weren't supportive, but they definitely weren't a constant presence either.

i think what sae needs is time. time to process his youth and to reconcile with his family (both his parents and brother ofc). i feel like he went through a lot of parentification, and undoing that will require a lot of patience. this would probably happen in his late twenties to late thirties, once he's well-established or even retired from football. with so much time on his hands, he has nothing to do but reflect. emotionally mature sae will be very different from current sae.

mama itoshi does welcome you kindly. mostly because none of the itoshis ever fathomed sae getting involved with someone seriously. i just know she has good skincare, so you two probably have girls-only nights where you two do nothing except watch TV dramas and wear face masks. i don't think she's particularly physically affectionate, but she does show her love through cooking. always pinches your cheek fat and tells you that you aren't eating enough (typical asian parent thing to do lmao.) also cuts up random fruits and places it beside your desk lamp while you're working.

i feel like sae has a bit of a hard time coming to terms with the way you assimilate into his family. he already feels like a stranger in his own home, but when his mother treats you like her daughter-in-law, it really gets him thinking. can he be normal? is this what it's like to be normal? is it really okay to have this? long story short, he probably has to reason with himself for one thousand and one nights before he decides he's actually going to marry you.

#asks #sae itoshi #why is this making me emotional...

[ahundredtimesover]

A Still Day or A Hurricane (10) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: single mom lawyer!OC x pastry chef!Jungkook; angst, fluff, smut; age gap

Chapter Warnings: foul/explicit language; single parenthood, motherhood; mention of a sexual harassment case, inaccurate law stuff im sry; jealousy, insecurities; infidelity; eventual smut (18+)

Chapter Word count: 12k

Status: Completed

Series summary: Driven by your perfectionist attitude and need to have everything in order, you planned that by age 30, you’d have made junior partner, bought your own apartment, and have children. You achieved them, of course, and while the last bit required you to take matters into your own hands - no thanks to your ex-boyfriend who dumped you but to your best friend who directed you to a fertility clinic - you’re now a 31-year old who pretty much has her life under control. You’re ready to raise your child on your own, that is, until the 20-something pastry chef flirts his way into your heart, messing up the perfect little life you worked so hard to have for yourself.

A/N: I did say it was slow burn, right?? Please enjoy!

Listen to: Straw (EZ Kim), Restless (Bibi), Let Me (GOT7) || Playlist 🎶

Series Masterlist

##

Standing in front of Jungkook as he leans against his car, you’re reminded, through both your outfits, that this date really is just about you and him. 

You’re used to him in sweatpants and oversized hoodies when you stay in and in jeans and a jacket when you’re both out with Heejin. With his caps and beanies, you always thought he looked so comfortable, so good-looking, so boyfriend, as Byeol constantly points out.

But Jungkook in a silk, patterned polo, slacks, and dress shoes, with his slick hair parted on the side and his lip ring glinting underneath the street light, he looks mesmerizing. Even more with the bouquet of carnations he’s holding on his side.

“Hi, ___. You look so beautiful,” he says, his eyes unblinking, not wanting to miss anything.

He takes you in, dressed in high-waist trousers and a lace top hidden beneath a crop blazer with a bit more makeup than usual. He’s seen you in your work outfits, which you always look amazing in, and there was always a sense of purpose in your looks. This one does, too, and if it’s to make him fall for you harder and faster, you definitely achieved it.

“Ah, well, I realized the other night that my date night wardrobe has been untouched for so long and I couldn’t make up my mind on what to wear, actually,” you chuckle. “But the way you’re looking at me says I chose the right outfit.”

“Fuck, you have no idea. My brain’s kinda malfunctioning right now,” he responds. “I mean, you look gorgeous all the time but this, uh. Yeah, this is too much for me. I’m sorry if I end up staring at you tonight. Please call me out if it gets uncomfortable for you.”

“I might,” you chuckle, but in your mind it’s only because you’re probably going to be flustered if he keeps looking at you the way he is. “You cleaned up pretty nicely, too.”

“Thanks. I ended up buying an outfit everyday since Sunday and I had Eun-jung decide on the best one for tonight,” he smiles. “I owe her a box of pastries the next time she visits.”

“Well, you can always wear those other outfits to our next two-person dates. I already know I’m gonna want more after tonight,” you reply, giggling at the way his eyes widen at your bluntness.

He clears his throat to mask how flustered he is and opens the door of the car and leads you in.

The restaurant he’d chosen is a fancy but cozy place overlooking the river and their tasting menu is one of the best in the city, you’ve heard.

Being out with Heejin lets you get to know Jungkook in a different way. During those times, he’d shown to be more attentive than you expected. He’d be playful but caring, would address your needs and Heejin’s, and would always make sure to make her laugh. But tonight, his focus is all on you. And you see that immediately with how he helps you settle in your seat and remove your blazer and ask if everything is okay.

You start to talk about your respective days, and with no squealing child to attend to or who’d interject every time you and Jungkook talked, your conversation flows so easily. You talk more about your families, how your childhood was like, all your holiday trips, and anything else you could think of.

Jungkook is curious and respectful as always, still silly in many ways, but genuine in how he is with you. You’re not used to someone being so focused on you, but it’s not something you call him out for. 

There’s something with the way he looks at you that makes you feel beautiful, as if he’s seeing and acknowledging all that you are, and like much as he’d tried with you from the beginning, he doesn’t put you on a pedestal. You’re human to him - someone who’s her own self but someone to care for, someone to appreciate, someone who makes mistakes, and someone who can grow.

Jungkook takes a spoonful of the seafood bisque when some of it sticks to the corner of his mouth. You immediately wipe it off, and you see him visibly stop when he feels your finger against his skin. 

You know he knows you’re quite guarded with affection, and he never really complained, although you’ve noticed the few times that he’d inched his hand closer to yours or let your finger-brushing moments linger. He’d come closer a lot of times but you’d stay right where you were, unbudging, and it’s only because physical affection, in its most intimate forms, is something you give with all of you. 

You’d shared moments of intimacy with him - that day when you let him feel Heejin kicking in your belly, to the kiss, to warming his ears, and now this. 

Ever since he got back and you’d both gotten closer, you feel like slowly giving parts of yourself to him, knowing he’d take and then return them. He’s patient, as always, and transparent with how you affect him. 

“You had a bit of something on the corner of your mouth,” you state.

He takes another mouthful and deliberately stains his lips again, scrunching his nose because he knows what he’d done, and you can’t help but laugh at his antics. So does he, as you take the napkin this time and gently wipe the stain off his mouth, your own lips parted just to tease. 

There’s a twinkle in his eyes and a glow in his smile that you’re only seeing now. It’s familiar but new, and you won’t be surprised if you mirror it, too.

Drinking his water, you take in his side features. The lighting in your little corner makes his sharp jaw even more striking, so does the scar on his left cheek, something that you ask him about.

“You know that point in your childhood when you’re convinced you’re an animal so you act like one?” He says, munching on the parmesan crisps of the next dish.

“Uh, no? Are you sure you had a normal childhood?” You chuckle.

“Yes. And I thought I was a dog and so I was barking at one that I saw at the park then it jumped at me and scratched my cheek,” he narrates animatedly. “It never went away. I bear the mark of my companion. You seriously never had that phase?”

“Not at all. That’s just weird.”

“No it isn’t! I had a chicken phase, too, and I think that’s why I’m so sympathetic with animals. They love me so much, they fall asleep when I touch them.”

“Are you serious?” You ask incredulously.

“No, I was just joking.”

“What the heck, Jungkook! I almost believed you!” You playfully smack his arm.

“Did it annoy you?” He chuckles.

“Yes!”

“Okay, good,” he winks at you and for your sake, you try to not mind it.

“No but really, how’d you get your scar?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve always had it as a kid and whenever I’d ask my parents, they’d give me a different answer every time.” He laughs. “There’s the dog story. Then one was a fight I had with my brother over a slice of cake. Another was that I laid my cheek on the floor trying to look for monsters under my bed then I got scratched by the floorboard. And then one was from a branch when I was climbing a tree to look for giants.”

“And your parents don’t wanna tell you? Or maybe they don’t know, either,” you wonder.

“Oh they do. They just like messing with me. Over a decade later they still won’t give the full story. They keep laughing at me, though,” he shares, suddenly missing them.

“Your parents sound amazing,” you say, amused at how close and comfortable their relationship is, similar to how you and your siblings are with your mom.

“They’re insane sometimes, but I guess that’s why it worked with them,” he shares, hoping it doesn’t seem insensitive to you, although you’d talked earlier about your father, saying you no longer hold a grudge against him. 

“Ma is a little crazy and makes Dad laugh all the time. It was like her way to his heart. And I think that’s why he’s still so in love with her.”

You hum, thinking that maybe, it’s just that simple - find someone who makes you laugh, who makes you feel silly, who adores you, who’s sincere with you.

“Is that what you’re trying to do, then? Just making me laugh until I can’t get enough of you?” You cock an eyebrow.

“I thought I annoy you?”

“You make me laugh a lot more, though,” you respond.

“So, is it working?”

“It is.”

You hold his gaze that’s switched from anxious to satisfied, and the way he smiles at you causes a bloom in your heart that you’re unable to temper.

“Good,” he bites his lip, his mind going hazy. “That’s really good.”

**

After your date date with Jungkook, which ended with you cradling Heejin in your arms as he hummed a lullaby to put her back to sleep, you couldn’t wait for another one. But you also realized that it meant she’d miss him, too. 

You were on a video call with him that Thursday after not being able to drop by the cafe and your daughter, who was lying next to you, crawled to your chest to say hi to him.

“Kookoo! Where are you?” She asked in her toddler voice. 

“I’m just here, sunshine,” he replied. “Do you miss me? Because I miss you. We’ll see each other soon, okay?”

She had on a little pout but nodded anyway, and you gave her the bunny stuffed toy from Jungkook to appease her. 

He offered to look after her the next day, though, picking her up from your mom’s place and then spending the afternoon building blocks and practicing colors and animals. 

You arrive home later than usual but with take-out dinner, tiredness from your long day evident in your sighs and shaking hands.

“You alright?” Jungkook asks.

“Yeah, just exhausted. Had a bit of a meltdown over the sexual harassment case I told you about,” you say. “It’s so pervasive and every time we get cases like this, I’m always reminded of how terribly society treats women and I absolutely hate it.”

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says. “I can’t imagine what it’s like, but like you said, a win here will do something, however big or small that is. So just keep doing what you’re doing, alright?”

You nod, saying your team debriefs regularly but you just had to release the frustration. He says you’re free to do so and that he’ll stay a little longer in case you want to talk. You both sit at the dining table and talk about the worst parts of the job, the cases that keep you up at night, that completely change how you view life and everything about it. 

Jungkook looks at you and thinks about all the times you’d come home feeling like this and having only Heejin to hear you talk, if you even do. 

He recalls the conversation he had with Yuri and Taehyung at your mom’s place the other week, with them saying that while you talk about your work, you don’t talk about you. They said it’s when you message everyone to meet at your apartment and ask your mom to cook that they know things have been tough, and so they try in whatever way they can to help.

“She was always our second parent,” Yuri said. “Mom took care of all the basic stuff for us but she halved with ___ in the emotional needs department. Our big sister worried for us, carried our burdens, made sure we didn’t feel like too much was missing just because our dad left. I think she’ll always be like that,” she added. “She’ll shoulder everything she can so others wouldn’t, and I just always wondered who would help her when she’s unable to do it alone.”

You’d said once that you go to therapy when you need to, that you spend time with your friends when it gets too much, and that having Heejin has been the greatest help in terms of finding that joy in your life that you don’t depend on others for. 

He knows you do what you can to handle everything your own way, but he also wants nothing more than for you to know that you have him to lean on, and he’d happily carry your burdens with you so you don’t always have to do it on your own. 

He tells you this as you say you’ll get over it, and you smile, saying that he’s been a big help the past few months in getting your mind off things and just feeling that relief when you’re around him. He feels satisfied knowing he’s able to do even just a little bit, though a part of him wishes he could do more, but he keeps that thought tucked in a crevice in his mind. 

You proceed to give Heejin a bath, after cuddle time with her as you hug her tightly, and then taking one yourself as Jungkook reads her a bedtime story. 

You enter her room in your silk pajamas and watch from the door as he talks to her about the legend of the tiger and the magical persimmons.

“She didn’t try to butt in while you read?” You chuckle as you stand next to him.

“Not tonight,” he laughs and shakes his head. 

“Hi, bubba. You sleepy already?” You ask, caressing her cheeks.

“Mama,” she coos, yawning as her eyes flutter close. 

“Goodnight, little one,” you whisper, kissing her nose. 

You and Jungkook head to the couch and you let out a long sigh. You hug the pillow on your lap and curl your toes as the pain reminds you of that long walk you took in your heels to get to your lunch meeting. 

Jungkook watches you in amusement as you settle comfortably on your seat but also sees how you constantly crack your toes. 

He nudges your foot and puts out his hand. “I’m good at massages. Come on.”

You briefly hesitate. It’s a little more intimate than you’re used to, but it’s also something your ex never offered to do because it was always you doing it, and you always did it out of affection. So you give in and let Jungkook take your left foot.

His hand is soft with some rough patches he got from lifting weights. He’s gentle as he kneads your flesh and thumbs your heel. You can’t help but internally moan at how good it feels, prompting you to hug the pillow more tightly and flutter your eyes closed.

You hear him chuckle but he keeps going with your right one this time, putting in pressure where he thinks you need it, then stretching and cracking your toes. 

You finally let out a moan and Jungkook tries hard to pretend it doesn’t affect him. You see him smirk, though, tonguing his lip ring again, looking adorable as he feels proud of being able to affect you this way. 

“All good?” He asks.

“Yes, thank you,” you smile. “Now, your turn. You had a long morning of kneading dough today. Give me your hands.”

He doesn’t hesitate, giving you his right hand and you proceed to massaging it. You briefly trace his calluses, unaware of the chill running down his spine. You mostly use your fingers, cracking and stretching his own, too.

“So this is what it takes to have you hold my hand,” he says, his smug face saying he’s teasing but you also see the hint of desire in them.

“Hey!” You playfully shove him. 

“I’m kidding,” he laughs. “It’s okay. This is nice. Something good to have after a long day.”

“It is,” you agree, feeling his hand tugging your wrist, as if motioning you to come closer.

It’s indeed been a long day, and after talking to him and feeling better with how he listens and encourages you, you want his warmth to comfort you even further. So you scoot next to him, your legs on the floor now as you lean on his shoulder.

You feel him let out a long breath, and afraid to look at him to see the desire in his eyes, you settle against him like this. 

It’s easy to want this with him, but all the more difficult to take things slow. You don’t want to make the same mistakes anymore. It’s not that you compare Jungkook with your ex, but it felt this good, this easy with Yun-seo at one point, and you realized that you dove into it because you felt the comfort from your friendship was enough. 

You want to make sure that you’re certain about Jungkook and that he’s certain about you and Heejin, too. And every intimate moment you share with him is a way for you to settle in the idea, the feeling of having him be part of your life in the long-run. Giving him only bits of and pieces of the affection he’s used to in his relationships is your way of giving him space to back out in case he realizes he doesn’t want it as much as he thinks, and that would leave you less to lose in case he does.

Your friends think Jungkook has proven he’s in this with you, even treating Heejin like his own, not so much to get to you but to show you that he wants her in his life as much as he does you. And you echo those sentiments, but you just want to be sure because you don’t want another heartbreak that you know would hurt so much more if it doesn’t work out.

But it’s days like what you had that feel like a storm - of emotions, of frustrations, of expectations you have for yourself; a day when you feel like it’s a mess around you and you’re trying your hardest to pick up whatever pieces you can. But it’s also evenings like right now when you allow yourself to breathe, to question, to worry, to wonder, wrapped in Jungkook’s warmth that lets you know that whatever it is you’re feeling, it’s gonna be okay. 

And as you feel his strong hand gently caressing your arm and hear his soft humming to a familiar ballad, it’s getting clearer and clearer that you want this everyday, as long as you possibly could.

**

You go on another date with Jungkook that’s just the both of you after work that thankfully had you just staying at the office. 

You do karaoke, with him serenading you and then you, butchering every boyband song you sing. You wander the streets of Ikseon-dong and go from one cafe and stall to another. You try odd-combination but delicious dishes, and the desserts you buy make Jungkook giddy with excitement, especially as you feed each other what you decide to separately order.

It was a date you had after spending the weekend with Heejin - you went to a toy haven kids’ cafe on Saturday and then stayed in to do arts and crafts before heading to Namjoon’s for dinner.

Your daughter’s attachment to Jungkook is one that you don’t take for granted, something that’s different with her attachment to your family given the substantial amount of time the three of you spend together. It’s not easy finding the balance of making sure you don’t want him just because of Heejin but also because of her, the same way it is to know that he’s how he is with her not just because of you. 

But you see enough, you think. Hobi even goes on about Jungkook narrating his babysitting afternoons with Heejin. Jimin shares his friend randomly mentioning her or you during their game or drinking nights. And other than seeing them firsthand enjoy each other’s company - with how Heejin clings to him every time he’s around or how he has the softest, most child-like laughter with her - you also see it when he looks after her when you aren’t around.

The baby monitor records everything, and you had it installed when you started having a babysitter over. When Jungkook would watch over Heejin on some afternoons, you obviously wanted to make sure that everything was okay and that your daughter was comfortable being left alone with him. You find out later on that it’s what you need to see just how those two are with each other when you aren’t really looking.

You sneak in looks even at work, but it’s at the end of the day when you get to see how they spend their time together. Jungkook feeds her the food you’ve prepared and Heejin returns the favor by trying to feed him, too. He’s figured out how she is when she’s hungry, sleepy, or just pooped, and other than when she’s taking her afternoon nap, they have so much fun together that you want nothing more than to be there right with them.

Jungkook has so much energy - for dancing with Heejin, chasing her around, and throwing her up and making her fly like a unicorn - something you don’t have enough of after a day of arguing with people and dealing with assholes as part of your job. 

She likes to converse with him, as if she’s narrating an unbelievable dream she had, and she’s fond of wrapping her arms around him and tucking her head in the crook of his neck. You’ve noticed her try to bite his face a few times. One time you went home with her in braids because she asked Jungkook to do it for her; his proud smile kept you up that night. The warmth in your heart grows as you think that these are the things she does with and asks of you.

What you appreciate the most is how Jungkook never fails to include you in everything that he and Heejin do together. He always sends photos of her to you - usually during playtime - or videos of her saying what she’s doing. They wave at the camera sometimes and he’d call when you say you’re free so she can say hi.

Your favorite was that one time you went home and found an artwork they both made posted on the fridge, the words resembling To Mama bringing tears to your eyes, knowing they’re always thinking of you. The fact that Jungkook takes time to teach her things, whether it’s arts or numbers, makes you feel like you’re not making her miss out on too much, and that Jungkook, as he’s always shown, cares for her in ways you didn’t expect. 

On Jungkook’s end, the joy that he feels when he’s with Heejin is natural and comfortable. It doesn’t surprise him as much, since he’s always loved kids. When he stayed in Busan for two years, he got to bond with his nieces and nephews whom he spent so much time playing with. 

But though Heejin isn’t related to him, there’s a certain connection he feels with her. Maybe it’s being the first person other than you and Sun-hee who got to see how she looked like through the sonogram when he drove you to your checkup that one time. Maybe it’s all the grocery and department store shopping you both did for her. Maybe it’s feeling her kicks in your belly that afternoon when everything changed. Maybe it’s the fact that he’d been there as you pushed her out of you, hearing her cry and seeing her beauty the moment she was born.

Heejin had been a big reason why things didn’t work out with you and him. She was always going to be your priority, and you didn’t want him messing you up or adding to the list of things you had to think or worry about, given his feelings for you then. 

But he always wondered about Heejin all those years of being away. He’d think about her when he’d be with his siblings’ kids, imagining which features of yours she inherited, if she’s as feisty and caring as her mother, if she’s everything you ever dreamed of her to be.

Seeing her photo that time you went to Busan made his heart swell with joy at how much she’s grown, knowing she was a happy child because of the love you shower her with. And finally seeing and spending time with her has meant so much to Jungkook in ways he doesn’t think he’d ever get to explain to you. There’s this carefree feeling when he’s with her, an innocent kind of joy he experiences, and a warmth in his heart when she laughs or smiles or speaks to him.

He doesn’t want to scare you with how he’s gotten to be so attached to her, not wanting you to mistake his affection for her as just a means to get to you. He doesn’t want to trap you, but he also wishes you’d see how natural it’s been for the both of them, and especially the three of you, to enjoy each other’s company and be what outsiders think you to be - a family. 

Because more than anything, any time you’re all together, he feels a sense of completeness he didn’t think he’d ever feel. Like somehow, there’s direction in his life. That he isn’t just living for himself and what makes him enjoy whatever moment he’s in, because now he desires for more of it, thinking of all the other ways he’ll have whatever it is for as long as he can. In this case, more of you and Heejin.

Jungkook was never a planner. He didn’t really value thinking far into the future that much. But with you and her, he feels he’ll get into it because he wants it - that future with both of you, that life of joy and love he feels when you’re all together. He knows now that he doesn’t ever want to be without it ever again.

He thinks about that once more as he waits for you and Heejin in his car for an afternoon at his apartment. The little sunshine has been wanting to go swimming for a while now, but it’s been too cold out to set up the inflatable pool at Namjoon’s backyard and you’d said you’re not keen on going to public pools just to appease her.

Jungkook suggested swimming at the one in his apartment building since it’s indoor. There’s a kids’ pool that Heejin would enjoy, and he thought it would be nice to make dinner to end the day. 

You enter the vehicle with a seemingly excited little one in her adorable sun hat and shades. 

“She insisted on wearing them,” you inform him. “And she was squealing again when I packed her bathing suit. And she had ice cream after lunch. She’s gonna be so full of energy, Jungkook. She’s probably gonna be so loud.”

“Hey, hey,” he chuckles at your already worried face. “I haven’t seen that many people swimming there lately; it’s gonna be fine. Also, so what if she’s loud? That’s why we’re taking her there, so she can enjoy herself.”

“Yeah, but you know how she gets, especially when she’s had sugar,” you say, right as she starts squealing out of nowhere. “Oh gosh, I shouldn’t have given her that ice cream. But she pouted at me and she looked too adorable and I couldn’t say no!” 

“With that cute face, who could say no? But hey, it’s fine. I’ll charm anyone who’ll complain about her and give them cookies, I guess.”

“Fine,” you say. “But seriously though, she’s been waiting for this. She’s realizing her baby tub isn’t big enough for her to swim in so a pool might make her be attached.”

“Well, if she wants to swim every weekend, then why not? That would be nice,” he smirks.

You internally groan because when Jungkook suggested this days ago, you agreed too quickly and did not give yourself time to process what it would mean, mostly for you. Because Jungkook half-naked in a pool making your daughter happy is something that would be too much for you to handle. But you’re here now, on the way to his building wearing a bathing suit under your clothes, half nervous and half excited for today.

You pass by his apartment to pick up some snacks before heading to the pool, satisfied that aside from an elderly man doing laps and the lifeguard on duty, there’s no one else here. You place your things on two lounge chairs near the kids’ pool and immediately have to pacify Heejin who squeals at the sight. 

“You ready to swim, Jinnie?” Jungkook kneels in front of her with a smile that’s just as excited as your daughter’s.

“Swim, Kookoo! I want to swim,” she says, then turns to you. “Mama, swim please,” she mumbles, her sweet smile on display as she knows now that you’re weak for it. 

You nod then sit on the chair so you can remove her outer clothes. “Okay, bubba. But let me put on your gear first, okay?”

You put the vest over her head then her arms through the additional floaters, explaining to her that those will help her comfortably and safely swim. She hasn’t swam much so you’re quite worried that the devices won’t be enough, but you know she doesn’t like feeling too constricted so you needed her to wear something that would make her feel more free.

You repeatedly adjust and then check if you put them on properly until you feel Jungkook kneel next to you.

“Hey, I’ve got her, alright? I won’t let anything bad happen to her,” he assures you.

“Okay,” you smile. “I’ll go in later. I wanna take pictures and videos first.”

“Got it. I’ll try not to get in the way,” he says, his smug face telling you he probably won’t keep his word. 

Taking Heejin’s hand, you lead her towards the pool while Jungkook undresses. You hear him unzip his hoodie and feel him shuffle behind you, using this time to prepare yourself before he stands before you half-naked and, well, it wasn’t really enough. 

“Ready, sunshine?” He asks, but he stands there with his eyes quickly shifting to you. 

You try to focus on his face, instructing him to just carry Heejin while he descends the stairs, and he cheekily smiles at you the whole time. 

“Goodness, Jungkook, make sure you hold her the entire time and not show-off,” you frown at him. 

“Hey, what do you think of me?” He chuckles. “Just so you know, it’s Heejin first, you second. I’ll show-off when we’re out of the water.”

“Why are you already so annoying?” 

“Why are you not taking your eyes off my face?”

His cocked eyebrow makes you want to smack him because he knows how he’s affecting you. He’s now come to know the ways he can fluster you and he uses them to his advantage, like now, as you glance at his form in gray swim shorts and his bare upper body. You don’t have time nor the resolve to observe every inch of his skin, but his fully-tattooed arm catches your attention and that’s where your eyes linger.

“That too much?” He asks, prompting you to look at him again.

“No. It’s uh, nice. And also, I’m kind of a sucker for toned arms so please get in the water now before I stare at them longer,” you ramble, earning you a loud chuckle. 

“That’s very nice to know, ___,” he says. “You’re free to stare at them for as long as you want. I’d love that, actually.”

“Okay, whatever,” you respond, nudging him towards the water because of the screaming little girl who’s growing impatient. 

Jungkook follows, carrying Heejin then descending the stairs. She giggles once she feels the water up to her belly, and he secures her in his arms once they’ve made it down and he’s kneeling on the floor. 

“You like that, sunshine? It feels good, doesn’t it?”

Heejin just responds in giggles and squeals, and with the acoustics of the indoor pool, her sounds echo throughout, and you’re truly glad neither of the two other individuals seem to care. 

Jungkook speaks to her the entire time, asking how she’s liking it, teaching her how to kick, letting her splash water onto him then pouring some on her head, too. She follows most of his instructions but still chooses to do what she wants - like flailing her arms and squealing, climbing on his shoulders then jumping off of him, then hugging him for a bit of rest.

You watch from the ledge with your phone in hand, taking numerous photos and videos that you immediately send to your group chat with your family and best friends, all of whom comment on Heejin and Jungkook. 

[the twin 2 🎷] How’s your heart? Has it betrayed you yet? 🤣

[the brat 😈] Why aren’t you in the pool?? Go get sum of that, sis 👅

[the twin 1 🌳] Wewww he’s got armsssss. Aren’t you a sucker for nice arms? Ur ded, good luck

[the queen mother 👑] Aww, honey. Heejin looks like she’s having so much fun! Let’s schedule a beach trip soon! 😍

[the best friend 1 👯‍♀️] Heejin is so adorable, babe! Also, look at how happy Jungkook is! He’s so whipped for her it’s too sweet 🥺

[the best friend 2 🧠] Yeah, and ___ is so whipped for him. We better get family pics like the last time ok! 👍🏽

You groan at their replies, but you also expected it. They had similar reactions when you mentioned coming over today and your chat group went off that you muted it for two days. 

“Hey, you okay there? Fighting someone?” Jungkook asks as he lets Heejin lie on her back while he supports her. 

“The chat’s a mess. I’m showing photos of Heejin but they’re mostly commenting about you.”

“Hope it’s good stuff,” he chuckles.

“Hmm, can’t tell.”

“Well, they’re probably wondering why you’re not with us,” he says. “Come, please. I’m sure Jinnie wants you here.”

You agree, knowing you were going to do it anyway. You walk towards the lounge chair and slowly remove the sweats and sweater you have on, choosing to turn away from the pool as you do. You make your way towards Jungkook and Heejin, with the former looking at you so fondly, something you don’t expect. 

You’re not at your most confident with your one-piece bathing suit unlike when you’re in power suits, but even with having less clothes on - with just a bit of cleavage showing - you don’t feel uncomfortable around him. 

Taking a dip, you feel the warm water soothe you, and you take your daughter in your arms, smiling as hers wrap around your neck. 

“Mama! I like to swim,” she says, splashing the water that hits your face. 

“I’m sure you do, bubba. We’ll do this more often, just ask Kookoo.”

Jungkook smiles, knowing already that this is going to be a staple date for the three of you. He wants to go on beach trips, too, maybe go to a resort and enjoy activities together, or maybe make snow angels and teach you and Heejin how to ski. There are so many things that Jungkook wants to experience with the both of you and the thought of it makes him giddy and weak in the knees.

The hour goes by with you and Jungkook just watching Heejin play in the water with the toys you brought. She likes to kick and splash but absolutely loves it when Jungkook supports her back as she floats, her eyes closed and her soft smile telling you that she’s absolutely enjoying herself. 

You sit on the steps while Jungkook kneels, guiding Heejin to paddle towards your awaiting arms, then hugging her tightly when she makes it to you. It’s fun to be experiencing this with her, as her swimming time at Namjoon’s some months ago had you only guiding her from outside the pool. To be doing this with her is something you know she’ll remember, especially with Jungkook playing as her ship, the shark, and her human floater. 

Jungkook sits next to you, his bare arm barely grazing yours, and plays with Heejin’s legs as she lies down on the pineapple floater he got her. 

“Hey, ___. Can we have a photo of the three of us again?” He asks, like he does ever since you’ve started these family dates. Heejin doesn’t always stay still but in recent weeks, she’s been a lot more obedient when you ask her to smile.

“Of course,” you say, pulling your daughter close to you. “The group chat hasn’t shut up asking for it.”

Jungkook chuckles while you sit a frowning Heejin on your lap. 

“Mama, pineapple!” She mumbles.

“Yes, bubba. You can still play with it, but is it okay if we have a photo with Kookoo?” You face her. “Like the ones we took before?”

She looks at you with furrowed brows and a tilt of her head, so Jungkook takes his phone and browses through his photos to show her.

You catch the albums he goes through - of memes he sends you, of dessert inspirations, his own creations, and then one labeled as “🌻.”

“Is that an album of us?” You ask.

“Uh, yeah,” he shyly answers, nibbling his lip ring again. “I put our photos here so it’s easier to find when I’m tired, you know? Or when I didn’t see you both that day, or when I’m… when I’m missing or thinking about you.”

You catch sight of the ones from the library and the beach, from the cafes and the park, from Alpaca World and the aquarium. There are those from your apartment, and the ones you send him like when you were in Hong Kong and during random, sometimes rainy, days when you’re also missing and thinking about him.

“That weird?” He asks, as he finds a photo to show Heejin.

“No. It’s sweet, actually. Mind sharing the album with me? There are a few I could maybe add,” you smile, meeting his soft eyes. “It’d be nice to have something when we’re missing you, too.”

“Sure,” he says, unable to hold his own grin. 

You all look at the photo he’d chosen, the one from a dessert parlor where Heejin was so amused with the unicorn ice cream. You and Jungkook loved her reaction so you both kept taking pictures and he’d asked for one of all three of you and he happened to take candid ones where you all were laughing. 

You remember that day, how he kept “accidentally” staining his face with ice cream to entertain Heejin. She wouldn’t stop giggling and you just adored how she sounded. You took baby wipes to clean Jungkook’s face, and you burned under his gaze as you did, your heart hammering in your chest the way it is now, as his hand trails from your shoulder to your waist to bring you closer.

“Bubba, can you smile, please?” 

Heejin’s suddenly in the mood as she stands to pose, arms up like a little superstar while Jungkook takes the photo. She then turns to kiss you, which is also captured, and then turns to hug Jungkook, which he also takes. 

“Thank you, Jinnie,” Jungkook chirps.

“You’re welcome, Kookoo!” She beams.

He shares you the album and you promptly send one of your complete photos to your chat group then mute it - you don’t want to deal with their teasing right now when you still feel the effects of being in this pool with Jungkook, trying hard not to gaze at his toned form and trace the art on his right arm. 

You let Heejin lie on the floater a little more while you massage her feet as she requested, and it’s not long after when you decide to wash up and prepare her for her afternoon nap, given that she woke up early and expended so much energy in the past few hours. 

Jungkook insists that you and Heejin shower at his apartment, which you agree to but you say you’ll both change first so you’re not dripping wet. Cheerfully exiting the shower room, you see Jungkook by the lounge chair, a towel over his shoulders, happily chatting with two women who sound so familiar, like the neighbors you’d heard the first time you were at his apartment.

You walk slowly, your smile gradually falling as you observe their body language - from the way they constantly glance at Jungkook’s bare chest to the distance between them that slowly decreases. Their giggles echo in the pool area, and you don’t miss how he seems to return the playful way they talk to him. 

Not wanting to disturb their conversation, you quietly fix your things but Heejin, deciding otherwise, starts running towards Jungkook and wraps her arms around his legs. 

“Hey, sunshine,” he says, carrying her in his arms. “You and your Mama good?”

“Kookoo! I want swim again,” she mumbles.

The two women coo at her and ask who she is, but you take her from Jungkook before he gets to say anything.

“Bubba, I still need to dry your hair. Come here.”

You do so as Jungkook says goodbye to the two women. You turn down his offer to carry your bags and make your way to the elevator, opting to talk to Heejin and not look at him the whole way up. 

“You sure it’s okay for us to have our bath here?” You ask, your face still turned away from him.

“Of course! I’ll get you some towels,” he says, choosing not to think too much of your change in demeanor.

You thank him then make your way to the guest bathroom where you take your time to wash up. Jungkook said he’ll make dinner tonight, and not wanting the sight of those young women clearly flirting with him from earlier mess up your day together, you get over whatever bad feeling you have and ask him what he’s cooking. 

“There’s this roasted pork belly I tried making so I’ll prepare that. And kimchi pancake and sides. I have a charcuterie board here, too. Those okay?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” you say.

You tuck Heejin in the guest bedroom at Jungkook’s insistence for her to sleep there, and then you make your way back to the kitchen where he’s preparing the ingredients. 

On his kitchen counter, you see the cheese and cold cuts board next to a bottle of wine. There’s a card that says, thanks for all the help, looking forward to the next time ;) signed by names you’d heard him say earlier at the pool. 

“These from your neighbors?” You ask while he preps the meat.

“Ah, yeah. They gave it to me this morning, said I should share it with Jimin and Hobi. Obviously not because I want to have them with you,” he smirks.

“What’s it for? Just nothing? And what help? What’s happening next time?”

You suddenly feel sick with how intrusive you’re sounding, something you don’t like because you’re not normally like this. But the sight from earlier and now this little gift causes a lump in your throat from some flashbacks that are quite unnerving, and somehow, Jungkook’s cheeky gaze isn’t helping. 

“Ooh, so many questions. You jealous?” It’s that smug face that you usually take lightly and recently have been finding adorable. But not today.

“Are you trying to make me?” You say, your firm and slightly annoyed tone, an unfamiliar one.

“No, of course not,” Jungkook defends.

“Then answer the questions directly. If you don’t want to, then just say so. Why does it have to be me being jealous?”

“I was just teasing,” he says softly and a little displeased with himself, like he’s a child being reprimanded.

“I know, you do that a lot, even if it’s a sensitive topic. Like sure, tease about your flirty neighbors like I didn’t get cheated on with one, but it’s fun for you so go ahead.”

The lump in your throat comes out as words you say too quickly before you could filter them, and with a tone you use only when you’re irritated that Jungkook isn’t used to, you see his face fall. 

He stands there seemingly not knowing what to do, as he turns away from your glare that’s equal parts frustrated and hurt. You’ve never seen him look so alarmed and powerless. Not even that afternoon in your apartment when you pushed him away after he kissed you could match this. And suddenly, all you want is to see that smirk and the scrunch of his nose, have him tease you until you’re smacking his arm playfully, until he finally says he’s just joking and that he just wanted to hear you laugh. 

You don’t like this version of him, the one that looks demoralized and that feels like he’s slowly losing everything after all the work to get here just because you were being too sensitive. 

“I’m sorry, that was… that was uncalled for,” you admit, walking towards him to try to get him to look at you. “I shouldn’t have questioned you like that. They gave you the package and you just received it and I guess I just got triggered because they were a little too comfortable with you earlier. It shouldn’t be an issue, we’re not–”

“Together, I know.”

Jungkook finishes the sentence, which again, you said too quickly without thinking. It’s not exactly what you meant to say, though you’re unsure why you even thought of saying it.

“We’re just dating. We spend time together, do all these things together. We go on dates but you don’t seem to want to hold my hand or hug me. It’s fine,” he sighs. “So yeah, no reason for you to be jealous, I guess. I’m sorry I teased about it.”

“So that’s what it means for you? Because I don’t give in to your need for affection, there's no reason to feel alarmed at your neighbors’ interest in you?” You say, being defensive. 

“You’re literally the one who meant to say that we’re not together and that obviously implies a lot of things,” he sighs. “I don’t force you into anything because I want this so much and I don’t want to screw it up, but you’re being confusing and I’m not sure what you want from me right now.”

He sounds defeated and it’s something you’re not used to.

“I was out of line to tease you about that, I’m sorry. And if what I said about us just dating implied that all I want is physical affection from you, then I’m sorry about that, too,” he adds. “But you can’t go acting like it affected you, then say you shouldn’t be questioning me in the first place, and then be upset about what I said.”

He mirrors your questioning eyes and he groans. “Fuck, I’m not even making sense right now.”

The way your heart sinks to the ground tells you just how much a sad and upset Jungkook is one you don’t ever want to see, especially if it’s because of you. And all you want is to hold him - get rid of whatever’s holding you back from the affection you know he wants so badly to give and that you want to reciprocate - and just have him close to you. 

But he speaks before you get to.

“Look, I don’t really know how to deal with things like this,” he admits. “I wanna cry but also cuss out and be angry but I also want to apologize and ask you to forgive me, but I’m not good with… this. And I don’t want to say something I’ll regret nor be the receiver of whatever you’re gonna say so, uh, I’ll just go for a walk outside, okay? I realized I need scallions and some appetizers because I don’t really feel like eating that anymore,” he says, taking the charcuterie board and throwing it in the trash. 

“I won’t take long. I’ll get the pork in the oven after. Just get yourself comfortable and I’ll be back soon.”

He doesn’t wait for your response. He just heads out the door and leaves you in his apartment with a bigger lump in your throat and your crushed heart in your hands.

**

Jungkook gets back after two hours. In the silence of his apartment with nothing but Heejin’s soft breathing, you hear the front door open. You walk out the room and watch him with a bag of groceries and cans of beer that he puts in his fridge, perhaps his companions tonight after he takes you back home. 

In the time that he was out, you laid next to your daughter and watched her sleep. Her puffy cheeks and parted little lips were the only things that made you smile. She looked so tired but you knew she had a lot of fun. She turned to her side and probably felt you near her, as her arm stretched out and found yours. 

You caressed her face and gently kissed her nose, and the joy you felt when you have your whole word in your hand is unmatched. It’s like all the worst things could happen to you but then you see her and all of that fades away, and all of a sudden, everything is clear. All you need is her. And you know that at least for now, all she needs is you. 

Aside from your family, the closest you get to feeling like that clarity is with Jungkook, because as you watched him walk out the door, you felt your heart break at hurting him again, feeling the parts of you that he glued together crack at his absence, at his disappointment, at his own defeat. 

When he left you in that hospital room after you’d given birth to Heejin, there was a feeling of loss that you weren’t ready to admit, and you spent years after that trying to make sure it didn’t overwhelm you, that it didn’t make you doubt the decision that you made to walk away from him the first time and then to let him walk away from you after. Your resolve was so strong then, even when you saw him in Busan with another woman in his arms. And even all the times you saw him after; even recently. 

You know you’re holding on to what little control you have left because deep down you know that he’s taken your heart, and giving someone the power to do whatever they want with it is absolutely terrifying. But that’s the thing, you think. You have to trust them that they won’t, and you’re still on that path to trusting Jungkook that he won’t hurt you, that he won’t do what Yun-seo did to you, that he’ll stay by your side no matter what. 

“Hey,” you utter, standing beside the couch he’s sitting on, head lolled back and eyes closed as he massages his temples. “Cleared your mind yet?”

“Somewhat,” he says. “You?”

“Somewhat,” you manage a smile. 

He returns a faint one and you hate this, but you also know this is on you. You sit next to him and he stays in place, barely angling himself towards you.

“So, uh, there’s a lot to say and unpack and I don’t know where to start,” you state.

“Just start somewhere.”

“Okay,” you huff, not used to this version of you, too. “I was just a bit uneasy with those women because they seem like your type of people. And they’re young. And they’re gorgeous, and pretty hot. And your neighbors.”

“And?” 

“And… Well, it’s not that I think they’re better than me nor do I think I’m better than them but… I don’t know. Flashbacks of Yun-seo, I guess. And how I was too trusting then. And I don’t normally get jealous but just seeing them with you, it was a new feeling. And then they got you a package and I just went off without thinking of what I was saying and how it came across. I was being unfair and I’m sorry,” you ramble.

“They do those boards and grazing tables and stuff,” he says after a while. “They rush-ordered a cake for a party and I got it done and they got me something as a thank you and–”

“You don’t have to explain, Jungkook. And I don’t mean that in the way I seemed to imply earlier. I was being stupid.”

“No, you aren’t. And I’m explaining it to you because I want you to trust me. Even if you don’t trust the people around me, I need you to trust me. Because the last thing I want is for you to compare me to your ex-boyfriend because I would never, ever do that to you, ___,” he explains, turning his head to face you.

“And I get you being wary but it just hurts that you think I would do that. Even if you found out what he did after the fact, I know it affected you a lot but… If the reason why you’re taking your time with us is because you’re scared I’d do what he did to you, then let me know now, because I don’t think I’ve done anything to make you think I’d do that but at least I’d know what to do or not do so you would trust me.”

It’s a lot for him to say, mostly because Jungkook was never this serious with you. He’s been honest with his feelings, definitely, persistent and unyielding as if nothing you do would ever faze him, so hearing the hurt in his voice and seeing him be so vulnerable - as he covers his eyes with his arms - lets you know this took a lot for him to say, too. 

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, trying hard not to cry. “I got ahead of myself and didn’t stop to think and I always do. I guess I just got scared, like it was deja vu because I was a stupid woman those years ago and I’m in the cusp of giving my heart to you and I just freaked out. And that’s on me. You’re not like him, Jungkook. I’m sorry I made you feel like you are.”

There’s a beat of silence that’s quite unnerving, but then he fully faces you and smiles, the widest he possibly can at a time like this. 

“It’s okay. I forgive you,” he says, merely patting our hand. “I’m sorry, too. I guess I just wanted to feel good about myself, about us, and that was a distasteful joke. It won’t happen again.”

He’s rooted in the corner of the couch where he’s sitting, and you want his warmth, want him to know you’re sorry and that you forgive him with more than just your words. 

“Also, about what you said, about not holding your hand or hugging you—”

“I said that in the heat of the moment,�� he shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

“I’m not exactly an affectionate person, unless it’s my family or my best friend,” you say, disregarding what he’d just said. “And I wasn’t always good with the intimate stuff or at least, I didn’t always do them. When it comes to things like that, I really take my time. Even more now when I don’t want to make a mistake with who I’m gonna be with. Physical affection means a lot to me in whatever form.” 

“Jin, though? Didn’t you guys hook up all the time?”

“Not exactly. I mean, we’d make out and a little something more but not like, all the way. And that’s different.”

“How is that different from holding my hand? Or even kissing me that first time?” He frowns.

“Because it was never serious with Jin. We did stuff because we were frustrated - with work, at each other… it was to release negative emotions after fighting over a case and…” you explain, “it’s not the same with you, you know that. It’s so much more with you.”

You see Jungkook’s face soften a bit but he doesn’t say anything, and you know that a bit more vulnerability is what he needs.

“Byeol used to tease me a lot with Jin, you know?” You continue. “He and I have been friends for over a decade and we just always got along. It wasn’t until we started working together that the tension heightened, especially after my breakup and we just… yeah, like I said, it was just tension. But after you, Byeol realized why it never worked out with him. Because whatever line Jin and I crossed never scared me. What we had didn’t go any deeper than lust and we both knew that but you… I was scared of a lot of things. And it just seemed better to not have you there at all. It was better than the possibility of you leaving, of you not staying, of me falling for you and then losing you.”

“What about now? Are you still scared?”

“I’m a planner, Jungkook. A perfectionist. I’m always scared,” you chuckle. “That’s why I plan. And overthink. It’s maybe also why I got cheated on. But I don’t want to miss out on good things. And while whatever fear I have won’t ever really go away, it’s trust that matters, trust in you that you won’t make those fears come true.” 

Jungkook manages a smile, and the relief you feel is overwhelming. It takes a lot for you to be this honest with him, or to anyone for that matter, especially when it comes to admitting things that you only really keep to yourself. 

“Are you scared of anything?” You ask.

“You’re asking me? I’m a fearless guy, ___.”

His serious demeanor cracks almost immediately, and the sound of his laughter echoes in his living room. 

“No, but seriously. I’m not really scared of a lot of things. I think that’s why it’s so easy for me to just do whatever, you know? Pour my heart into something or someone and then move on to the next whatever if things don’t work out,” he says. “But aside from microwaves and losing to Jimin in Mario Kart, I’m scared of losing you and Heejin. Like, I’m fucking terrified. So when you ghosted me for weeks those years ago, and even recently, I was losing my mind. And it became insanely clear just how much you both mean to me. And that’s why no matter your pace, I’ll follow. I’ll take whatever you can give me than nothing at all. Because you, Heejin, us… that’s what I want; I always have.”

You can’t stop the smile that graces your face at his words. And you know nothing you’ll say will ever be enough - to comfort him, affirm him, thank him, so you do what you know will work.

You turn over his hand that’s resting on his thigh then intertwine your fingers with his, filling the spaces to let him know that you’ll keep doing that for him - filling the cracks, filling what’s missing. 

“Hmm,” he says, nibbling his lips to temper his smile. “This is nice.”

You thumb his hand, letting yourself get used to having him fill your spaces like this, too. But you want to say more, so you briefly let him go and wrap your arms around his torso, your head resting on his chest as you snuggle closer to him. 

He’s warm and soft and the most comfortable thing you’ve ever had in your arms, aside from Heejin, of course. And he smells of baby powder and the rain outside. You can feel the strong body underneath that you spent hours ogling earlier, holding its breath. But Jungkook recovers, as he tightens his hold around you, a wholesome moan escaping his lips at the feel of you so close.

You lift your head to face him, a cheeky smile on your face this time as you kiss his cheeks, letting it linger for him to be able to process it. You feel him hold his breath again, and turning to face him once more, his wide eyes meet your playful ones. 

“Okay, maybe a heads up next time? I may have implied we’re going a little slow but you didn’t have to do all that in succession, you know?”

His shocked face makes you chuckle, and you kiss him again just to tease.

“Gosh, Jungkook. It’s just a kiss on the cheek. Are you in 6th grade?”

“More like 2nd grade. I had my first kiss when I was like, 8 or something.”

“What?!” You giggle. “Some lover boy you are! Who was the lucky girl?”

“This fourth grader in my piano class. I guess I was always an older woman magnet or something,” he winks.

And there he is, your cheeky Jungkook, making you laugh and be all flustered again. 

“Okay, back to 2nd grade then,” you say, kissing his cheek once more.

“Alright, other cheek now. And three times, too, yeah?”

“Yah! I make the rules,” you cock an eyebrow.

“Oh, right, okay the–” he says, eating his words as you kiss his right cheek multiple times.

“I’m serious about giving me a heads up, ___. I’m literally losing my shit right now.”

“You’re so dramatic!”

“Yeah, get used to it,” he says, tickling you as you continue to taunt him. 

You squeal as you wiggle on his couch, especially as you lay on your back and he locks your lower body in his thighs. Ending up on top of you, his hands are around your wrist and his soft eyes turn desirous as he continues to gaze at you. 

You see him eye your lips and you eye his, the tension suddenly increasing tenfold and you’re teetering on the edge again, but it’s the same moment that Heejin wakes up from her nap and starts calling for you. 

“Well, duty calls,” you laugh, sitting up as Jungkook sighs and releases you from his hold. 

“Go, she might be needing something,” he says. “I’ll prepare dinner.”

You nod and head to the room, briefly speaking to Heejin about her nap and then taking her in your arms. You carry her as you both watch Jungkook work around the kitchen, putting everything in pans then chucking them inside the oven. 

He joins you on the couch soon after, with his one arm around you and his other arm holding Heejin who’s comfortably seated on his lap. You all watch the videos you took at the pool earlier, and watching Heejin laugh while she watches herself is your new favorite sound of hers. 

You lean on Jungkook as he sings her a song, something she moves her body and adorably sings along to. It’s like they have their own world sometimes and they just get each other, especially as Jungkook talks to her about her sleep and she mumbles words, most of which you understand, her arms flailing as if to make a point. 

“Yeah, that’s good, Jinnie. Nice talk,” he says, giving her a high five. 

You share the moment in silence after just watching her bounce on Jungkook’s lap and mumble more words, the smile on both your faces getting softer by the minute. 

He’s so smitten with her, and much as you want him to know that he won’t lose you, you want him to know that he won’t lose Heejin, too. 

Knowing that she tends to follow you when you prompt her, you motion for her to look at you, and when she does, you move to kiss Jungkook on the cheek again, his eyes briefly closing at the feel of you.

Heejin smiles and does the same, falling forward on Jungkook’s chest, inching up to peck his cheek, too.

“Aww, Jinnie. Did you just give me a kiss?” He says tenderly. “That’s very sweet of you, sunshine. Can I give you one?”

She squeals his name as he caresses her cheek, then he moves forward and gently kisses her forehead. 

“Following your Mama, huh? She’s a sneaky one, isn’t she?” 

“Oh, shush. You enjoyed it,” you laugh.

“I did, very much,” he proudly smiles.

You settle there for a little while before Heejin slides off of Jungkook’s lap and runs towards the TV, tapping it before yelling that she wants to watch. You take her on the couch with you and put on some cartoons while Jungkook sets the table and puts out your dinner, with dumplings as appetizers this time.

You win over the argument of cleaning up the kitchen while he plays blocks with Heejin, who seems to not run out of energy, before finally heading back to your apartment.

Chuckling at a dozed off Heejin, you and Jungkook share in the sounds of the music softly playing in the car as you think about how today went. It felt so real, like you were playing with Jungkook and then proceeding to argue with him. 

You won’t deny that it scared you how things were going to go - you tend to be defensive and quite hot-tempered when you get into arguments. And you feared that with Jungkook’s emotional tendencies, you were both going to clash. But you surprised yourself, keeping your cool for the most part and apologizing immediately, and he surprised you, too, calling you out without being dismissive nor rude.

It makes you think that life with him would be like this. You won’t always see eye-to-eye. You’ll have moments of misjudgment or miscommunication, but you realized today that it takes a certain person to make you check yourself when you’re in a situation that is threatening and anxiety-inducing for you, someone you care deeply about, someone like Jungkook. He’s that balance of telling you how he feels without meaning to hurt you, making sure you hear his side while trying to understand yours. 

Your brother was right that respect and maturity is something taught, and with how your life is and how you are, you need that kind of person next to you.

You hold Jungkook’s hand for the rest of the drive, not saying much until you get home other than asking him to help you bathe a sleeping Heejin and then prepare her for bed. He does as you ask, setting up the tub inside the shower while you remove her clothes, then making sure she doesn’t wake up all the way until you’re putting on her pajamas. 

It’s goodnight kisses from you and Jungkook and even this feels so domestic, so natural. And for the first time, you don’t feel scared. 

“We’re okay, right?” You turn to him as you both exit the room. “I don’t wanna go to bed upset, or knowing that you are. I need to know that we’re fine.”

“Hey, I’m here with you. Of course we are,” he assures. “And I think we handled that pretty well. Don’t you?”

“Yeah, I think we did,” you smile. “I guess I was expecting more fireworks from me or even you but uh, I hated seeing you upset. Like, you aren’t Jungkook if you’re not laughing or annoying the heck out of me.”

“Well, I’m not all that. I was freaking out like, a whole lot. I always do that. I just don’t wanna show you because I don’t want you to think I’m this kid who doesn’t know what to do when shit hits the fan or something,” he says, his face falling a bit.

“You didn’t seem like that earlier, though.”

“I was close to it. That’s why I went for a walk. I was on the phone with my sister for an hour, actually. She was talking me through things.”

“Really?“ you ask, a little surprised because he seemed like he was holding his own earlier.

“Yeah. Every time I’d feel nervous or scared or upset when it comes to you, I always talk to someone, usually Hobi or Jimin or even Dea. I told you, I’m not good with confrontations and stuff like that,” he huffs. “I’m persistent but I was always afraid I’d scare you off or push you away and they had to ground me, call me out, tell me when I’m being too much, stop me from waiting outside your office when you weren’t talking to me and I hate that I even considered that, but yeah.”

He looks at you with wide, nervous eyes, and if earlier you’d seen pain, this time you see worry.

“Since I told my sister about us, I’ve started to talk to her, too. And I knew she’d calm me down and she did. She’s a weird ass sometimes but she knows me the most. She really helped me today,” he continues.

“I’m sorry again. I… I get confrontational and sensitive sometimes,” you say.

“It’s okay, we all do. I’ve just never really had those moments in my past relationships, you know? So I didn’t really know what to do.”

“Yeah? Never fought with any of the exes?” 

“Not really. Everything was too simple and easy, but that’s not to say that it isn’t with you,” he clarifies as your brows start to furrow. “I mean, it was just all fun. There weren’t fights because there wasn’t much to fight for, I guess. Emotions heighten when things mean a lot to you, so yeah. I’m sorry, too, again.”

Nibbling on his lip ring and looking at the ground with his hands in his pocket, Jungkook’s boyish charms shine through. He surprises you a lot, and you like that he makes you feel that way, like you can feel all kinds of emotions with him and you’re assured, at the end of the day, that he just wants things to work out. 

And you know that’s the kind of partner you want, that you need, that you’ll go through lengths to fight with and for because he’s worth it. You know that now.

You wrap your arms around him to say all the words that you can’t. For a lawyer, there are some things you can’t articulate, and that’s the care that you have for him, the fear of losing him, the affection that you hope to one day show him.

His hold around you tightens, and it’s like he just knows.

“It’s not gonna be easy, it hasn’t been,” he whispers. “But that’s how I knew I wanted you for real. Because when things got hard, all I wanted was to be next to you. And I think I’m gonna want that for a long time.”

You let out a long breath, because for all the flowery words he’d said that you knew he still means, these ones somehow hit home. 

You don’t say it back, you just hug him tighter, too, and it’s all he needs.

You’re all the seasons, all the stars in the sky; you’re all the promises he’ll keep, all the fights he’ll have, all the still days and hurricanes he’ll weather. It’s all you and Heejin in his world, and he can’t wait for the day he gets to be all those for you, too. That he gets to be the one you choose everyday, if possible. That he gets to be the lucky person whom you learn to love.

##

Series Masterlist

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#jungkook fic #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x you #jungkook fanfiction #bts jungkook #jungkook series #single mom oc #pastry chef jk #series #asdoah

[swaps55]

Help me figure a thing out from the lore: how does the heatsink clip work into the weapon? By that I mean, from where is it inserted to how can it even fit every gun?

It doesn’t make sense to me because not only there doesn’t seem to be a dedicated entrance and exit for it (save rare exceptions, but even those don’t help), the reload animations doesn’t really help figure it out. Plus, the size of the clip is never explained… how can an universal design fit and take the required heat load from very different gun types, sizes and heat production!

Take the Carnifex, how can the clip be inserted like a modern pistol when there doesn’t seem to room for it, given the size of the grip, and then be ejected from the center of the top barrel, which by the way is right under where an optical sight might go? Same goes for the N7 Valkyrie but worse because even though there’s are dedicated insert and eject parts for the heatsink, they are in places that don’t work! The heatsink clip goes in from under the second barrel of the gun, but it’s the first barrel that fires, and the place where the clip is ejected is right under the place for the optional optical sight! And the second barrel is then supposed to be where the range finder is, but it’s close to the heatsink insertion slot… It doesn’t make sense! Please help!

This is such an excellent question, and there isn’t an easy answer. Essentially you have to choose how you want to look at it.

Mass Effect 2/3 eschew a lot of lore and hard science in the name of The Rule of Cool – which isn’t a bad design decision (even if my eye will always twitch seeing Miranda walk into vacuum with a face mask). So, what you SEE in the game just isn’t compatible with the ‘rules’ of the universe.

For instance, the optical sight you mentioned is really utterly unnecessary in a world where you have canonical smart targeting. Right from the codex:

Top-line weapons also feature smart targeting that allows them to correct for weather and environment. Firing on a target in a howling gale feels the same as it does on a calm day on a practice range. Smart targeting does not mean a bullet will automatically find the mark every time the trigger is pulled; it only makes it easier for the marksman to aim.

So, if you have targeting assist, what do you need the sight for? A manual sight is actually a step backwards technology-wise. Well, it’s in the game because it’s a modification that gives the player agency, looks cool, and adds to the gameplay.

Similarly, two of my favorite guns in the game are the Piranha and the Typhoon, the design of which make no sense from a lore standpoint. Small arms weapons in Mass Effect don’t use traditional bullets. They use an ammo block, from which an appropriate-sized projectile is shaved off the block and accelerated by magnets. Yet, the Piranha has an ammo drum and both of those weapons spit bullet casings. Why? Because look how fucking cool they are.

The animations aren’t a good thing to rely on, either, because those are also limited by game design. If you take a look at how a gun is held in a character’s hands, it sometimes looks REALLY goofy, because in Mass Effect 3, a universal gun design was used to design all the animations around. (Side note – have you ever noticed how a ME1 biotic holds their gun while casting a power? It’s wild.)

So, how do the heatsinks work? How can a universal design fit and manage heat loads from very different weapon types? Unfortunately the answer isn’t really in the game, because it didn’t really need to be. It was an in-universe explanation for a new mechanic, and the visual of it is tailored to the player: it needs to be easy to see for pickups, and it needs to facilitate gameplay, so it’s “universal.”

There is an answer here, though. A heat sink in and of itself isn’t complicated, and the laws of thermodynamics don’t change from weapon to weapon. You could think of it as kind of a PEZ dispenser. When you buy a PEZ candy roll, you get a wrapper with X number of PEZ in it that you shove into a dispenser. So, the thing that changes from weapon to weapon is how quick it goes through each candy.  A Carnifex burns through more heat per bullet than a Typhoon, so it requires more sink. And once each PEZ gets saturated with heat, it pops out of a vent.  

As for where the heat sink is located on the weapon, it would have to be somewhere easy to access and change out on the fly. And sometimes, when the weapon design isn’t compatible with the lore in the first place, it’s might be hard to actually figure out where that would be. It’s a really fascinating clash between world building and game design. If you’re writing about it, you kind of have to pick and choose how you want to confront it. Do you tone down the Cool Factor in favor of the lore? Do you handwave it? Do you just…not mention the discrepancy? It’s up to you. In my case, Sam Shepard’s favorite shotgun is still the Piranha, even if the design of it doesn’t make sense. I’m just…not gonna comment on that part of it. XD

#swaps replies #Anonymous #mass effect #mass effect meta #small arms

[vagabondfromkanto]

//Been having some thoughts about the first episode and Ryuko's introduction today, and it seems highly appropriate to dump them here. So.

No but Kill la Kill does a fantastic job with establishing who its protagonist is right off the bat, in my opinion. On all accounts.

She's tough as fuck but also that facade breaks immediately as soon as she gets confused by people acting weird. Like, trying to shake her down in an alley? Logical, normal, her turf. Immediately capitulating?... energetic people?... brother-sister dynamic?... wha-a?...

They literally went "Look how badass she is! Have you looked? Okay now know that she's also a dork."

Also we immediately know that she's street smart and not that law abiding, because to intercept the steal Mataro (who steals constantly!) was trying to pull and switch up her wallet for the lemon without the boy noticing would require an experienced sleight of hand.

She's all 'come at me' when jumped by enemies she's not interested in fighting (and she proves her confidence well-founded), but she loses her cool and attacks head-on the second it gets personal.

She's hot headed and attacks head-on BUT she knows when to quit, AND she knows not to turn her back on the enemy until they're distracted (see: Fukuroda tripping).

She goes immediately from undefeatable-without-even-breaking-a-sweat to getting the shit beaten out of her.

She's a tough punk walking around with zero regards to the rules and she steals someone's moped with zero hesitation, but she comes back to leave the deliveries so that the guy can finish his job... and she returns the moped next day WITH A POLITE APOLOGY NOTE. (I fucking love her.)

She does not break down and allow herself any kind of weakness until she thinks that nobody can see her.

She barely speaks to Mako outside of what she needs to learn and actively puts up walls and dodges all attempts at being friendly, but she DOES immediately jump back in to protect her when Mako is used as a hostage. (Granted, she was going back for Satsuki anyway, but she COULD've used another route, especially when the whole school was distracted. Except that she couldn't, 'cause she's Ryuko).

Like, quite literally, these are all her fundamentals established immediately.

She's a good fighter, but she's not invincible. She's street smart and is more familiar with adversity than with friendly people. She's stubborn and reckless but she knows her limits (in later episodes every time she's about to lose she runs away - and we know that it's not just thanks to Senketsu's warnings, 'cause she does it here without him yet).

She's a delinquent but she tries to be polite and considerate (btw IMMEDIATELY followed by the second episode where she deeply apologizes for punching Bazaro despite quite frankly being well within her right to do so).

She will act cold towards you at first but she's incredibly quick to care and help (see also, for example, ep 4).

And despite us not knowing the whole story yet, it's immediately evident that she's sad as fuck underneath the cocky smirk.

99% of what she does and how she acts in the rest of the episodes is foreshadowed in the very first one. Like, they rip off the mask right away and don't leave the viewer with any delusions. Which, in a way, is what makes us want to root for her so bad, I think.

#-: ✧ :-゜・．(;musing) 「„argh what the hell“」 #//not even 100% sure which tag to put this in I just wanted to vent out my thoughts

[butterflydm]

mat and tuon (amol spoilers)

Since I’m about to go into The Book That Introduces Tuon, I kinda wanna set out why I (when first reading the series) could never enjoy Mat & Tuon as a pairing and also set up some things that I’m going to try to look out for to see if maybe I see anything more appealing in it as a romance this time around (and, of course, this is all imo and not me trying to tell other people not to ship them, etc).

And, of course, this reread has transformed other aspects of my feelings about the series, so I will... keep everyone updated as I go and let y’all know if my feelings about this change too, lol.

Though I’m putting this in my reread tag because it applies to how I’m approaching my reread, this does have spoilers all the way through the final book, A Memory of Light. And I’m talking about the Seanchan culture, which is built on slavery, so content warnings for that as well.

The thing is, the actual basic trope set-up of Mat & Tuon is not something that I have any issues with -- there are three main tropes that they use: princess & rogue; hero & villain; enemies-to-lovers. Princess and rogue is a classic tropes, seen in such ships as Leia & Han or Jasmine & Aladdin. She sees the true worth of the man behind whatever mask it is that he’s put up, and he brings adventure and affection into her (romantically lonely) life. Rapunzel and Eugene from the Tangled movie also fits into this general shape. Enemies to lovers is also a classic trope, too many examples to list. Hero & Villain (aka ‘dating Catwoman’) is also a pretty classic trope that can be done well if effort is put into showing why these two people are on opposite sides but still drawn to each other.

It’s just that Jordan did it all in the laziest possible way. Which, in fairness, is common with Jordan’s take on romantic tropes. All three of these tropes require a delicate hand willing to do a slow burn so that the audience believes that the characters genuinely have emotionally reached new places with each other. And Jordan doesn’t... bother doing that. He doesn’t even really make an attempt. Instead, he basically just overrides it all with a fourth trope that is a favorite of his in the books: the fated romance. Because Destiny Says So, he has Mat inexplicably decide to take Tuon with him and inexplicably decide to start courting her, without ever emotionally justifying these decisions for Mat’s character, despite having set him up as someone who wanted to run away from his arranged marriage.

While Tuon does ‘see Mat with new eyes’ at the end of KoD (sort of), from what I remember this doesn’t seem to impact her worldview at all; she just goes placidly along with the way her empire works to the very end of the book series. She doesn’t grow as a person as a result of realizing that someone she misjudged was more than he appeared to be or ever become more than the slaver that we were introduced to in Winter’s Heart, because Jordan never lets Mat genuinely challenge her (from what I remember, people mostly don’t ever challenge Tuon... maybe because if they did, it would be too obvious how paper-thin her arguments are).

And, of course, most of the time, the villain in a hero-villain romance isn’t a slaver. Usually, they’re well, like Catwoman -- sure, she breaks the law but she’s not out there to deliberately hurt innocent people.

Mat’s initial introduction to Tuon is as ‘Tylin’s Toy’, which is to say, essentially as a piece of property that she finds intriguing (she attempts to buy him from Tylin the first time she meets him). She even thinks of him as ‘Toy’ for quite a while (though I don’t recall how long exactly and whether or not he ever gets to be ‘Mat’ before she takes his name away again and replaces it with a new one - and yes, I know she sees the new name as an honor, but I’m pretty sure Tylin also saw making Mat her pretty as an honor - the Tylin-Tuon similarities are also one of the things that make me dislike the relationship).

The fact that she persistently continues to call him ‘Toy’ is honestly something I find genuinely disgusting because she is a slaver, because she does view people as objects. So it can never be a ‘cute’ nickname with ‘sexual tension’ for me because a. the reason she calls him that is because his rapist treated him like a toy; b. she literally tried to buy him the first time they met; c. I believe that he repeatedly asks her to call him by his own name and she refuses.

And my final big thing is that Tuon’s sticking point in A Memory of Light, the issue that she WILL NOT back down from even when a ta’veren is trying his best to work his influence on her, is that she refuses to release any of her enslaved channeling women. She would literally rather let the Dark One take over the world than give up a single one of her new damane. Rand has to agree to let her keep all the women that she and her empire have kidnapped, tortured, and enslaved in the Westlands, before she will agree to help save the world. Nothing matters more to Tuon than keeping her slaves! And this is in the final book! As you can tell, it really bothers me!

This is basically the thing that makes me go 'well, I guess literally the only possible way to improve the Seanchan Empire is to depose or assassinate Tuon, because she's made her position on reform very clear'.

Overall, it is very difficult for me to look at Mat & Tuon as anything except Tuon doing her best to ‘break’ her husband to the leash (which was something Egwene Dreamed about back in book 4; a Seanchan woman leashing Mat) and make him accept his place as her property, while Mat tries to hold onto his sense of personal identity in the face of both Tuon and the Pattern itself trying to turn him into nothing but a tool. And I do not personally find any of that either romantic or Romantic. Instead, I find it really heartbreaking for Mat.

Things I will be keeping an eye out for during my reread:

1. Any signs that Tuon is capable of changing her worldview of viewing people as essentially proto-property, with their personhood as a status that can be revoked at any time. From what I remember, she flirts with the idea from time to time, but always comes down on the side of not allowing her worldview to budge an inch.

2. Any signs that she sees Mat as more than property (and sleeping with him does not count for this. Tuon condemning other people for sleeping with ‘their property’ does not mean she is not capable of justifying it for herself; we see her be a hypocrite about the sul’dam issue as well) -- I am uncertain if/when this ever happens for her. We know that she saw him as property when she first met him. Does she ever see him as a person or does she just see him as more useful property?

Things that I’m hoping that I won’t see:

1. Any signs that Mat is starting to share Tuon’s view of people as proto-property. Really hoping that I won’t see this. Honestly, one of the things that I dislike the most about both Mat and Perrin’s romances is how it feels like it damages them as characters (and the same for what the Rand x Min romance does to Min as a character). Their romances actively make them worse people. Perrin’s romance with Faile turns him into an obsessive, petty, frustrating person who shirks his responsibilities (he eventually gets... better-ish? after like ten or twelve books). Mat’s ‘romance’ with Tuon... makes him willing to use slaves, among other things. I do think that he does still tries to remember that they’re people, but he is willing to own and use damane during AMOL, if I remember correctly which...ugh.

Ugh, I have to admit, I am really dreading getting into the ‘How I Fell in Love (?) With a Slaver’ aspect of Mat’s storyline in the upcoming books. Perrin and Faile’s storyline starts out pretty terribly and they have horrible communication issues, but I do believe that they both at least see each other as human beings who are worth being treated as equals, even if they fail on the application sometimes. I do not get that vibe from Tuon and her relationship with Mat.

But of course, all my issues with Mat and Tuon also tie into my feelings that the Seanchan as a whole are narratively unsatisfying. We end up with a lot of build-up for them, and zero payoff. They were introduced in book two (empire-shaking secret included!) and there’s still no payoff by the end of book fourteen. Thirteen books of build-up and then no payoff!

Obviously, they don’t need to solve the Problem of the Seanchan but we could have gotten a Hope Spot of some kind (...and if Tuon being pregnant and ‘jokingly’ telling Mat that this means she can kill him now was supposed to be our Hope Spot, it very much fell flat with me).

We’re told multiple times that the secret of the sul’dam being channeling learners will rock the empire to its foundations but because this story wasn’t about that, because it was supposed to happen in The Next Story, instead it all ends in an unsatisfying whiffle as Tuon basically (and hypocritically) just goes, “nah, I don’t care, I’m gonna keep enslaving the people just like me (while denying that they’re people like me)”. The issue that was supposed to change the empire is dismissed as meaningless. All of the amazing set up that Egeanin’s character gave us goes nowhere in terms of cultural transformation and upheaval, which makes the entire Seanchan presence in the storyline feel pointless.

(the Seanchan ending is also frustrating because it feels like it undermines one of the main messages of the book series, that free will matters and is worth fighting for, so there’s that too; everyone giving slaver empress Tuon a free pass really feels like it undermines Rand’s ‘win’ against the Dark One and his realization about the importance of free will because, as Empress of Seanchan, Tuon is now the main symbol of stripping people of their free will and will be doing basically the Shadow’s work into the Fourth Age, as Seanchan culture already mimics the Shadow so closely in so many ways, as I’ve talked about before as I’ve gone through this reread: breaking people into desperately eager slavery, mindtraps vs a’dam, ‘lessers’ groveling to the Chosen/Blood above them, ravens and moons as their main symbolism)

And that’s essentially the issue with Mat & Tuon as well. Perhaps she was going to have character growth at some point, but if so, it all got punted off to the outriggers that never happened, and so we ended up with a terrible person who is allowed to treat one of the main protagonists poorly and get rewarded for it with his loyalty, who actively turns down every opportunity that she’s given to be a slightly better person, who gets to be one of the few people bodyguarded during the apocalypse, and who gets to dance off into the sunset with a bunch of slaves that she will get to abuse for years into the future.

Also, because Tuon never follows through on any character growth, it ultimately feels like her relationship with Mat was a waste of narrative space that could have gone to something that actually had a point, and a waste of all the (incredibly over the top) suffering that the books put Mat through to get him to a place where it would be even remotely believable that he would stay anywhere near Tuon long enough to ‘fall in love’ with her (ie everything with Tylin and Ebou Dar) or grimly accept his future with her or whatever it really is that happened.

Tuon could have believably made that same bargain with Rand even if she’d never met Mat, because she bends so little on the issue that matters most to her (keeping her slaves) that the Mat/Tuon relationship feels like it could be snipped out entirely and Tuon would have the same emotional ending point that she did with the relationship existing. All you would need is someone to rescue her from Semirhage, and then make the exact same crappy deal due to her ‘gratitude’ over the save. No autonomy-destroying romance required. But as it is, so much of her in-book storyline just feels like a waste of time because it doesn’t go anywhere.

All the way up until AMOL, I could say “okay, she has time to actually have payoff as a character; the relationship has time; the culture has time” and then the story was over and it felt like Tuon basically just jogged in place for five books, except now she’s pregnant.

From what I remember, Winter’s Heart is the best we'll ever get with Tuon, because she starts off as a horrible person but one who has flashes of almost-empathy. She had so much potential to be a great character and have an actual character arc because she is young and had a shitty formative childhood, etc. And then her potential just gets squandered over the remaining books as she actively chooses to stay the worst version of herself and gets rewarded for it by the narrative.

So, yeah. That about sums up my issues. It all feels like so much wasted potential and I’m frustrated by it.

And now I’ll find out if rereading Winter’s Heart and the following books changes my mind on any of this! Maybe I will have a mat x tuon epiphany akin to my cauthor epiphany. You never know.

#wot book spoilers #wot spoilers #a memory of light spoilers #amol spoilers #wot #wheel of time #i don't envy the show in trying to portray tuon onscreen tbh #though they made liandrin kinda likable so i guess anything's possible #maybe she won't feel so much like a nasty narrative punishment for mat in this version #because honestly that's what she feels like to me in the books #i'm also going to look out for characterization changes between jordan and bransan's versions of the relationship #mat cauthon #wot meta #wheel of time meta #long post #text post #bransan has admitted that he felt like he didn't have the best handle on mat #wot reread #though it does have later book spoilers! #long text post #being put here before i start #winter's heart #slaver empress tuon

[thatonebirdwrites]

Bird's Rants: About being Authentic

Lately, I've been anxious about sharing my experiences as a nonbinary disabled queer person. Partly because I don't fit people's preconceived notions of what that looks like.

i keep being told to be authentic, to own my identity, but I already "own" my identity (I don't particularly like the language of that as I do not own but I am my identity, but I get told it far too often). However, this imperative to "be authentic" fails to take in the risks and the fact that spaces for people like me to be authentic rarely exist.

A lot of what I write is either queer women stories or nonbinary queer people stories, where there is romance or at least close intimate friendships within the larger plot lines. Writing these can be scary sometimes, especially if I include trans people as characters, because of the biases (sometimes unconscious, sometimes not) that people have against these types of characters.

In our society, there's this idea that the character is only this one identity and thus the story is unrelatable (oh how many times I hear that, ugh), but that is a falsehood that deems the writings of people like me as less than a non-trans and non-queer person (who may even write LGBTQIA characters).

I have to navigate this landmine of a labyrinth daily to determine where I can be authentic, where can I post my works, where can I interact with readers, and if I dare to share aspects of my complex identity because I'm not just a disabled, nonbinary AFAB, queer individual, but so much more than that too.

Even within our LGBTQIA communities, we still struggle with being truly accepting and supportive complex identities, especially identities that intersect with race and ethnicity.

It is possible to create an accessible space for people to truly be their authentic selves, but part of doing that requires us to acknowledge where we actually are currently. It requires us to be willing to be open to being wrong sometimes, to holding ourselves accountable if we cause harm, to be willing to listen, to be willing to learn, to be willing to grow and do better.

It's never easy, but it is doable. It's also a lifelong journey, but it's one we can, indeed, walk together. Part of that is sharing and reading and experiencing with one another our creative works to help us understand, learn, and be better.

I think about this a lot, honestly.

So on Trans Day of Remembrance this 20th of November, I curled up in my bed and spent the day crying to get these complex emotions out of my system.

Living in this current era where there's so much transphobic laws appearing in the USA states (where I live) but also in many other countries? How the deaths of trans people continue to go up? How death threats leveled against us continue to go up? How harm to us continues to increase? How accessing care is getting more and more difficult to the point of being nearly impossible in some locations?

It's utterly terrifying to be trans.

And for me, a person who straddles multiple gender categories? Where if I am wearing my mask, I get carded as a woman, but if I take off the mask, then I get angry diatribes about 'what are you' or vicious barbs and assumptions about my gender. Where people waffle between ma'am and sir. Due to the pandemic, I don't take off my mask in public due to my poor immune system and need to keep myself safe. But this puts me in danger in other ways because if I'm perceived as a disabled queer woman, I find I can't truly predict if an encounter will be somewhat safe or if it will cause me harm.

Even saying something as simple as "no" or "I can't" or "please don't" could end up with me being harmed, because of our antagonistic our society is toward people perceived as women, gender-noncomforming, and those whose race or (dis)ability complicates those perceptions. (It is very alarming how our society masculinizes against their will Black women, which is related to how society taught us to perceive race).

So it's a damned if I do and damned if I don't. My friends of varying races struggle with this complexity as well -- whether it is safer in a given space to be authentic or not.

Non-binary people are regularly erased from society. When I first came out nonbinary ten years ago, I couldn't get jobs if I dared to put my pronouns on my resume, but the moment I took it off, I'd get offers (this was before I became so ill that I could not hold down a full time job) -- sometimes even from the same companies that rejected me prior. (That was an utterly bizarre experience to have, and many nonbinary people have discovered similar things.)

I got treated less poorly if I didn't share who I was. If I stayed invisible, and yet it hurt and left me in despair, where I felt like I could never be my full authentic self.

People say, "Be authentic!"

Yet they don't think about how doing so could literally get people like me killed. Where we could lose our livelihoods. That space to be authentic rarely exists in our society, and sometimes it doesn't even exist within our queer spaces or within our justice spaces.

Give us space to be authentic. Work with us to build that authentic space in an accessible way.

Fight against the laws and societal norms that hurt us, kill us, strip us of healthcare access and access to what we need to thrive.

Ways to work with us to build that authentic space requires talking with us and listening to our needs. It means being accessible too, because accessibility is crucial to building any space, so that the majority of people will be able to engage and participate.

There's a lot of intersection of identities here in this fight, and no, it's not easy, but then fighting for justice? For our right to exist as our authentic selves without fear of death or harm? That will always be hard.

Robert Jones Jr., once wrote: "We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist."

Love cannot be realized or built into our society if we deny one another's humanity and right to exist. One cannot be authentic if the space to allow for that is not built.

So let us build it together. So that all people can feel safer about being their authentic selves.

That's my message for people who consider themselves allies of us.

P.S. Normalize pronouns. We all have them. We cannot communicate without them as they are an essential component to how grammar works and how we construct sentences. Normalize sharing them regardless of whether you are trans or not.

It's so weird when cisgender people yell things like, "I don't have pronouns!"

I always want to point out, "But you used "I" and that's a pronoun, and in order for me to talk to you, I had to use the pronoun of "you." When you spoke of your friend, you use "he" or "she" which are both pronouns. For that person over there that you don't know, you used singular "they" which is also a pronoun. Without these, we (another pronoun) would have a harder time communicating."

It's such a weird hill to die on.

P.P.S. Boost trainings, knowledge, stories, art, and other creative works by trans folks, please, especially trans folks of color and/or disabled trans folks (since even in trans-friendly spaces the intersection of disability and/or race can still create that dynamic of dismissal of their lived experiences, stories, art, knowledge, etc regardless of whether its a conscious or unconscious dismissal).

If you find yourself dismissing a trans person's knowledge, art, stories, and trainings, but then you suddenly believe the same information if it comes from the mouth of a cis (non-trans person)? That is evidence that you view us as less-than. Interrogate that please.

P.P.P.S Feel free to add in (respectfully) other ways to build up a space where we can exist in safer ways as our authentic selves. I'm sure I'll think of more eventually too, but I'm very tired tonight and utterly terrified to even write the above.

But hell, I only live once, and am trying not to let fear dictate my actions.

I just hope folks will still enjoy my fictional writings despite knowing I'm a disabled, nonbinary, queer person. (See prior point about how biases -- often unconscious -- can cause people to dismiss experiences, art, writing, knowledge from folks like me because of that unconscious view of us as less than.)

When I ask people why they don't try to read a trans writer, it often boils down to an assumption that all we write about is trans stuff as if we are one-dimensional with no ability to have complex plots. Or they assume it will be boring or unrelateable, but until they try to read it, such assumptions aren't reliable. And no, we do not write only about trans issues - our plots and characters are as complex as any other writer. It's very depressing honestly. It's why I always ask people to be willing to try new things.

Be brave. Take the risk. Listen and read the words of people like me.

Open your horizons and be vulnerable.

Be willing to acknowledge that no one knows everything, we are all ignorant in something, and that's okay. We learn, we seek to understand, we grow, we do better.

So be open to growth and doing better.

Thanks for reading. Have a great day.

#writing #trans #unconscious bias #never know how to tag these rants #gender is a spectrum #it's okay to not know everything and to be wrong sometimes #learn and grow and be better #Let's try to build that authentic and safer space together

[fuck-customers]

I recently found out that I can't access this blog through work wifi, because it has "fuck" in the URL. 😂 anyway. I've submitted stories about how I'm glad the country I live in lets cashiers sit in chairs and food breaks are in the law, and how customers, despite being a bit stupid are not as needy and tantrumy as anglosphere customers. some people replied with "stop bragging, this is a blog for complaints", so let me assure everyone: retail is still hell this side of the world too. (north europe)

heres examples of some major inconvenient differences from American retail. so when a customer decided they don't want sth that I've already scanned, it's gonna be a huge hassle. I as a cashier can literally only delete the last item that I scanned. need to summon a higher up and then WAIT face to face with an annoyed customer who just wants to put back the gum they can't afford....

in the previous store I worked at, I couldn't delete at all, so it's a step up from that at least?

the second thing I can think of is: there is no changing the price. 99% of the time when a customer thinks the price is wrong, they either looked at the wrong price label OR they don't have the store discount card. cashiers, managers, nobody does price changes on a whim for fussy customers. or anyone. so the stories where someone's like "the manager gave him a discount for throwing a tantrum" are always so foreign.

also we don't have cash registers with touch screens and 99.9% of the population has a card that doesn't require a signature upon a purchase, so for that 0.01% (usually foreigners) the receipt printer prints a paper where you sign AND write your document number just in case. and that's north european retail. hope this was an interesting read.

also a big fuck you to all the customers who bitch and moan and yell at me about having to wear masks. a universal retail experience amongst countries.

[pacificwaternymph]

For the superhero au: What's Pacifica's story? She's just casually friends with a supervillain and knows it, there's gotta be a story here.

She knows two, actually. @firefly464 and I talked about this before, but Sausage, Scott, and Pacifica have sleepovers at her place fairly frequently. They paint each other's nails, mess with their hair, gossip, talk shit about other villains, all that stuff.

She's just come to accept that this is her life at this point.

Pacifica knew Scott before he split from Xornoth. She met him in a park when they were both around 15-16, and got along pretty well. Scott always tried to keep her at an arm's length, because he feared what would happen to her if Xornoth found out about her, but despite himself, grew rather attached rather quickly.

Pacifica has always formed very strong attachments to others, so she was also very quick to latch onto Scott as her new best friend.

Then, maybe about two, two and a half years later, the big fight between Smajor and Xornoth happened. Pacifica's complex didn't get swept up in the destruction, fortunately, but it came pretty close. The next few days were terrifying, all the news stations could talk about was the fight and speculating what would come next from the two supervillains.

Pacifica couldn't stop worrying about it, so much so that she stopped attending her classes (she was a freshman at this point), until she found Smajor passed out in the alleyway behind her apartment.

It had been a rough few days for him. He had no allies, no safehouses, and no resources. He'd been running from heroes, villains, vigilantes, and regular law enforcement alike almost nonstop, and had not been able to rest for even a moment.

He'd gotten into a fight with Faerie earlier that day, and only barely got away because after she beat him, she was called away to another fight before she could properly restrain him.

He'd flew away, crash landed in the alley and promptly blacked out, which is how Pacifica found him.

She panicked for a moment, but quickly realized that he was in no state to harm her, and that some of his injuries desperately needed treating. It was stupid and reckless and dangerous and Pacifica knew that she should probably call the police.

But... Smajor looked so... vulnerable, and a lot closer to her age than she was expecting. She could all too easily imagine herself in his place, or Ember, or Scott. She didn't want to think about what would happen to him if he was arrested now, despite him probably deserving it.

She told herself that she'd patch him up a bit, dump him in the nearest public space, and he'd never have to know she helped him. But predictably, that's not what happened.

She ended up having to treat some bruises on his face and clean it off, which required her lifting up his mask. She tried to squeeze her eyes shut while she did, but still caught a glimpse of his face, and... well...

She ended up waiting for him to wake up. When he did, she was right next to him, and he started panicking internally. He tried to play it off, perpetuate the whole villain persona and act threatening and scary, but she cut it off pretty quickly by saying she knew it was him.

Scott knew there was no salvaging the situation, and sighed.

Pacifica is obviously hurt and a little wary, which in turn hurts Scott more than he cares to admit. She tries to reconcile the idea that her friend has been a supervillain this whole time, trying to make up excuses for him and asking about why he did all of it, reasoning that there has to be some explanation.

But Scott shuts that down again really quick, since again, he's convinced he's a lot worse than he actually is.

He says he understands if she would like him to leave and cut contact with her. And Pacifica, against her better judgment, tells him that she doesn't want that. She cares about him too much to let him go. He tells her that it's dangerous, and she tells him it was dangerous when she didn't know about his identity, that's nothing new. This is just the first time she's... aware of it.

Scott tries a few more times to convince her to just forget about him, not wanting her to get into trouble, but she's firm in her decision, and says that if he needs a place to hide for a while, he can always stay with her. He denies it at the time, but... does end up taking that offer up a few times.

#empires smp #superhero au #pacifica #oc #empires oc #empires smp oc #smajor1995 #scott smajor #dangthatsalongname

[tartlette1968]

It's 2023, and we're not post-covid, we're mid-covid,

Nearly 2 weeks ago my sister, in Perth, on her Facebook feed posted something to effect of...

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck faaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrkkk..."

So something was not right.

In actual fact something was very fucking wrong...

My Brother-in-law had covid. My fully vaxxed brother-in-law who is on immunosuppressants to control lupus, has a low functioning thyroid, and diabetes HAS FUCKING covid, from somewhere. He needed hospitalisation in very short time, because of small clots in his lungs, and was released, after being immediately prescribed anti-virals. Then back in hospital again, then released. He is now back in hospital, again, with pneumonia. Now, let me explain this slowly. Lupus is an auto-immune disease, and to control it, you have to suppress the immune system. What they have to do, now, to fight the pneumonia, is to lessen how much they suppress the immune system, which won't be fun for his lupus.

Meanwhile, Huntress and I contracted covid over here in Adelaide. Officially our positive RATs didn't come until Wednesday and Thursday. The RAT I did on Tuesday (when I felt completely shithouse) was negative. There I was sleeping more often than not, smelling literally every bloody smell there was, and finding those smells really awful, my head feeling like it would burst, and the RAT was negative. Huntress did a RAT Wednesday, and Thursday morning showed me the faintest of red lines that showed her to be covid positive. I did another RAT then, and as soon as the fluid from the test dropper hit the line, it turned bright red, for me, no waiting for 15 minutes. I was feeling about 50% better by then, save for my sense of smell being very dull; I still felt like crap, but I wasn't surprised. While I was obviously improving, after Tuesday, Huntress was slowly feeling worse.

But Thursday was the 26th of January, and a public holiday, so there was no calling her GP. We called Huntress' Doctor Friday, and they were eager and insistent on Huntress attending a Respiratory Clinic, to organise a script for the anti-viral meds very quickly. Then the nurse urged us to call the ambulance to monitor her SpO2. That was done, and they were here for hours, but the end result was a script filled for the anti-viral by 6 o'clock that day.

It is day 5 or 6 now, on our own covid journey, and Huntress is improving faster than we hoped after two days of the anti-viral course. I'm smelling things again, and sleeping without waking up coughing every 20 or 30 minutes. Huntress, so far, has managed to avoid an ear infection, and pneumonia, which would cause all sorts of problems, as she is seriously allergic to all antibiotics, save some that really aren't useful at all. She is sleeping, and only experiences the odd coughing fit.

But my Brother-in-law is in a life or death battle, now.

Look, our Government has been defending their slack approach to covid, by trying to reassure us that "Most people are vaccinated, now."

Huntress is vaccinated, with one booster, but the last dose she had, unfortunately, brought on anaphalaxis, which required a day in the ED, and adrenaline shot, and a worry, now. She can't risk another dose, at least not of an mRNA vaccine.

So it's this simple. I was walking around, with covid, breathing this stupid virus... into my mask, because this is exactly the reason why I wear a mask. I get runny noses after one sneeze, all the time. That was no different to what happened on Monday, when I already had covid. My throat feels a little scratchy regularly, and my nose gets blocked weekly, thanks to just stuff in the air. Even if it was just the flu, on Tuesday, I wasn't going anywhere, because I was sick, and I didn't want to infect someone.

People need to remember, we're super infectious before we are even feeling sick, and there are people walking among us who, while they are doing everything they can to prevent being infected, we need to meet them halfway. My sister caught covid a few months ago, and moved into their caravan to completely isolate herself, and keep my Brother-in-law safe. But we need to wear masks, keep washing our hands, get vaccinated, and avoid crowded events and places. Because for some people, even doing all they can do, it isn't enough, and they need us to be brave and step up to do our bit, too.

#covid #covid still kills people #covid is not over #the pandemic might be over but covid isn't done with us

[annah-kitathryne]

I just read your batfam twitter part 7 post https://at.tumblr.com/annah-kitathryne/part-7-of-batfam-social-media-au-first-previous/jxv09wgie73g

I need you to know that if Tim created a fake Twitter feud with himself, the next time a villain tries to fight Red Robin and the villain looks even slightly like Tim Drake everyone in Gotham is going to assume that it actually is Tim fighting Red Robin. I mean, they think he is a rich a-hole with a hate boner for RR, and what else do rich a-holes with hate boners for superheros do in the DC universe? I’m pretty sure they’re only hobby it’s fighting superheroes. It’s the logical conclusion for Gotham to have

You actually predicted where my story was going, I had to rework my whole timeline to accommodate changes within the story because I didn't want to seem like I was stealing your idea. So yes you are right, that is exactly what Gotham would have thought when it came to where the idea was going.

Rich people have hobbies within Gotham. They just happen to be all of the wrong ones. Every rich person within Gotham is breaking the law, which shows how messed up the New Jersey justice system is that they can't handle the issues. Rich people either wear masks and work for a murderous cult, rich people wear masks and fight bad guys, rich people kill people, or rich people hire someone to kill someone else.

Anyway thanks for sending in the ask, and making me actually plan out my AU better. I don't know when the next part will be coming out. I tried to work on it last month, but I've been going through some stuff, and I just didn't have the motivation to finish anything other then my required classwork.

[soap-brain]

if you wanna hear about a truly fucked up work place, do look under the cut

if not, carry on :3

background: i work as an ambulance crewmember for a sort of non-government organisation that isn’t non-profit. this means me n my colleagues may be the kind of people who show up when you’re like, dying or whatever

however, my company is absolutely SHIT and yes i will be handing in my notice soon

in no particular order, here goes:

plenty of people at other similar companies got extra money for working during covid. we didn’t, because we “can’t expect special treatment every time something extraordinary happens”

we should, however, constantly wear our ffp2 masks, even when not with a patient / at a hospital (so even when we’re sitting around at the station with nothing to do). this is in fact illegal according to work law bc you have to have frequent enough breaks. our bosses therefore explained that ActuallyTM, when we’re driving to a call or back from a hospital, we’re not actually working and thus the law doesn’t apply

but fear not! this does not apply to our bosses, who can sit in their joint office and NOT wear a mask at all, because of... secret reasons. and they also don’t have to wear the mask in the building. for secret reasons again

recently, the covid guidelines changed countrywide. my company has decided that they can now order a covid positive person to come to work DESPITE currently being infected in case the personnel situation requires it (spoiler: we are always short staffed so the situation always requires it). this worker is then ASKED to wear a mask. not even required to. ASKED

luckily enough, our station is so big that one can easily avoid an infected coworker... or not! the one common room we have (also the only room with chairs) can only very barely fit everyone who works during weekdays. so assuming every ambulance is in we have less than 30 square meters

... unless you also count the bathroom! it’s very smelly and really kinda gross and there’s a hole in the wall leading to the garage

the heating doesn’t really work either. this is because the heating is shit and also bc the one door leading to the outside doesn’t close properly

this broken door leads to a small outdoorsy corridor which has adjoined to it two shipping containers. those are our changing rooms. every person gets a locker for their private stuff! this locker is slightly bigger than your average microwave. the changing rooms are also freezing. unless someone put the heating on, in which case they’re above 30 degrees celsius

we also have a kitchen. this kitchen contains a fridge about the size of a minifridge at a relatively posh hotel. if everyone brings a tupperware box full of lunch then about half the lunches will have to sit outside the fridge

the luxury coffee machine we’d crowdfunded among us for broke. the bosses took five months to get on to buying a new one. just because

(well. i ASSUME they’ve actually bought it and it will be installed. that’s what the bosses SAY. but i have reason to doubt their work)

we have wifi! about 6 mb/s...

last year we got smoke detectors installed. there were none before that.

the table is perpetually sticky. we do not know why. the chairs are perpetually really grossly discoloured. we do not ask why. the sofa is lumpy. we have accepted this.

there are, depending on the season, rats, mice, roaches, spiders, ants that are just. living there also.

the garage is unheated. meaning when we get to the weekly disinfecting routine that's required for each ambulance, we work with potentially freezing water. this is against work law, but our boss said the garage isn’t our workplace so it doesn’t matter if it’s cold there. the fact that we have to clean the ambulances in the garage, with the doors open due to the fumes from our disinfectant stuff... yeah....

but enough about how shit the building is! more about the people i work with!

there’s kevin, a perpetually sick chronic liar who presumably has münchhausen’s. he’s off sick more than half his working days. also he’s on opiates! he also comes to work while high off marijuana. he has also come to work while off sick and ordered people around

there was that one colleague who threatened to kill another colleague bc she’d been messaged by the first colleague’s boyfriend

same colleague worked while drunk once. there were three people who independently of each other smelled the booze on her breath. boss said he wouldn’t do anything bc we couldn’t prove it

the aforementioned boyfriend was fired after he physically attacked another colleague

one lady was only placed on probation after she’d: not resuscitated a patient who needed it, resuscitated (and thus injured) a patient who did NOT need it (and she did it incorrectly as well), threatened another colleague with violence, ignored the directives preventing the spread of infectious diseases and stole an ambulance

we have on several occasions hired people who didn’t have a driving license. you know, for the “drive ambulance” job

there was a guy who very frequently misused lights and sirens, destroyed important documents and destroyed patients’ health insurance cards after he forgot to give them back to them. he was never fired, just handed in his notice eventually

we have one guy who worked full time until the middle of last year (now only takes on shifts part time) bc he is in his mid 60s. he told the bosses hey, i’m old, i won’t do night shifts. they said okay cool we won’t plan you for any night shifts! but they lied

one girl likes to yell at dementia patients when they don’t immediately do what she wants (bc they can’t. understand. bc they have fucking dementia!!!!) (as in, patients with severe dementia)

there are a handful of people who sometimes just. don’t show up. or are perpetually late. there are no repercussions.

and the crowning achievement: our current vice station boss

company branch boss just decided that this guy would be a good fit. this guy is

racist: likes to be like “oh that name on the pager sounds mediterranean / arabic / smth like that. those people only pretend they have medical problems, let’s get some food before going there”

a sexual predator: approximately every young blonde girl who starts with us ends up reporting some kind of harrassment by him, including being pressed to take his number but also inappropriate touches. he has been reprimanded for this (gently) and we are not allowed to talk about it anymore. he continues his behaviour bc why not!

negligent at his actual job: likes to not check his ambulance at the beginning of the shift or not monitor patients properly

and really shit at his vice station boss duties! doesn’t do the shit that actually needs doing and rather thinks up new fancy ways he can tell all of us how to do our job while not making sure our storage is stocked up on all the things we need and while not getting any of the important paperwork done or not arranging any repairs for whatever shit is broken now etc

and now to company benefits!

if you jump through approximately eight billion hoops, you might get extra financing for your gym membership. this might also just cut out at some point

better check your salary thoroughly! people have gotten as little as zero monies despite working a full month bc of a widdle oopsie whoopsie somewhere!

get pressured to take on extra shifts!

but we do have a fruit bowl!

there’s more. there’s so goddamn much more. but if you speak up the boss will ensure you don’t do so again

i don’t even know when i’m leaving but by god i cannot wait

#it's soooooooo much fun! #can't wait to hand in my notice! #oh also upon one of the girls who was sexually harrassed asking our boss to please let her not have shifts with the harrasser #which. you know. is a reasonable request #the boss was like :) unfortunately i can't do anything about that. you gotta take care of it yourself :) #but hey at least we get a christian christmas card each year with some shit about how you ought to be grateful for... jesus or something #idk i toss them out as soon as i get them

[periwinkle-picots]

8 and 24 for the fanfic ask? :)

Hehe, you picked some fun questions! 💖

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?

Before I answer this, let me provide a little background info for those who might not be familiar with the recursive fandom my idea takes place in.

Murkybluematter's The Pureblood Pretense (collectively known by fans as The Rigel Black Chronicles) is a fusion of Harry Potter and The Song of the Lioness Quartet where because Tom Riddle became a politician instead of a Dark Lord, Hogwarts only accepts purebloods as students. And so halfblood Harriet Potter decides to switch places with her boy cousin Arcturus "Archie" Black in order to go learn Potions from her idol: Professor Snape. Meanwhile, Archie takes Harry's place at the American Institute of Magic in order to study to become a Healer.

Neither Archie nor Harry (known as Rigel while at school) could have imagined how big of a political firestorm their decision to switch places would create, but us fans have hope that they'll find stars worlds on the other side!

Now that you know a little of the setting, I can tell you of this idea I had back just before RBE4 (Rigel Black Exchange Round 4) that I put up as one of my requests for the exchange.

My idea was for a fic where because the marriage law passed earlier than expected, the Potters decided to flee to the halfblood and muggleborn friendly United States of America in order to protect Addy from getting snatched up in a marriage contract.

But unfortunately for Rigel, the Blacks are unable to follow the Potters to America for reasons (Regulus totally plays a role in those reasons, as does Remus' inability to move to America due to his lycanthropy).

This leads to the ruse becoming permanent, so Rigel has to figure out how to keep her true identity as the Potter Heiress hidden from those who would use her having committed Blood Identity Theft as leverage to trap her into a marriage contract— as additional laws connected to the marriage law would allow for her betrothal to Archie to be dissolved should she be found guilty of the formerly-Azkaban-worthy crime.

Back when I first dropped this idea into the exchange as a request, Laurels and I talked about it in our DMs (I believe she called it heartbreaking?). As we talked about the worldbuilding that this AU would require, it really, really grew on me.

Yet at the same time, this AU has so much potential to get super dark and mega sad.

...which, while intimidating, kind of makes me want to write it more? Unfortunately, I'm certain that this AU will be so very long, and veer so far away from canon that I'd need to figure out changes for at least two full years, if not three. And that's not even going into what Harry's summers would look like, or who will find out about the ruse despite her best efforts to remain hidden beneath the mask of Rigel, or how Archie is going to tell James and Lily that their eldest is stuck pretending to be a pureblood boy back in Britain.

It is a really interesting idea that keeps whispering to me in the dead of night, but I'm not sure if I'm the right person to write it, you know? But it sure would be terrifyingly fun to try.

I'd love to say that this is the year Project PR comes to life, but I'm afraid that would be a little too optimistic of me, given how behind I am on updates for my currently posted WIPs. Still, I can tell you where this AU will diverge from canon: chapter 8 of The Serpentine Subterfuge, on the evening before the students leave for winter break. After all, wouldn't it be nice if Rigel decided to go to bed early that night and just give the twins back their book on the train, instead of going up to the Gryffindor common room and then having to go through the Entrance Hall on her way back to the dungeons? :)

24. By the end of this year, you want your fandom to think of you as “that author who _______.”

"...actually can consistently write short and silly ideas." :facepalmcry:

In all seriousness, though, I'd just like it if the stories I write this year were able to leave their readers feeling happier for having read them. Even if some of my ideas might strengthen V's claims that I love whump. -_^

#ask game #answered questions #talking about my writing #fanfiction #rigel black chronicles

[davidkendall]

*Rubs sleep out of eyes, stumbles over to lap-top*

“Oh, @palmtreepalmtree mentioned me in a post....what’s all this then?......Oh geez, it’s one of THOSE......but it IS PTPT asking, so.....”

*crack knuckles and wiggles fingers anticipatorially*

***

Yeah, I don’t do these “Tell us more!” things too often, either, because I figure if anyone wanted to know, they’d ask.  But, I’m trying to be less curmudgeonly, so I’ll try to answer without seeming like TOO much of a jerk:

Apparently, there’s rules:

Rules: answer these questions and tag some blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better.

QUESTIONS:

Name: I mean, it’s right there in the URL. No big secret .....

Sign: Saggy the Archer. (I’m getting that on a shirt one day.)

Height: Used to be 6′.  Doc says I’m shrinking, and it’s normal.  Now 5′11″.  I protest this development vehemently.

Time: Noon-ish on the East Coast of the US

Birthday: Yeah, I don’t share that, and the only reason I “celebrate” at all is the missus insists on commemorating the day.  I know; I’ve got emotional baggage left over from childhood, yadda yadda yadda.  It’s just a day, and it happened long enough ago to make me a Certified Old Dude.

Favourite bands/artists:  Far too many to name.  Everyone from John Denver to Bruce Springsteen, from Beethoven to John Williams to Mike Post.

Last movie: Re-watched Revenge of the Sith for the first time since it came out.  Still don’t like it; the only saving grace is Ewan McGregor

Last show: We’re actually watching Nashville, which was on TV about 10 years ago and we’re finally getting around to it on Hulu. It’s decent, soap-opera-ish fun, with country music sprinkled liberally throughout.

When I created this blog: 2008.

What I post: Lots of reblogs of anything that catches my eye. An occasional original thought. Dad jokes, because it’s the law for dads to share them.

Last thing I googled: "tongue sandwich” because I was explaining how my parents tried to get us to eat beef tongue for dinner when I was a kid, and they used to actually sell tongue sandwiches in delis back in the day. 

Other blogs: None active anymore; just this one.  Of course, there’s my Twitch stream (4 streams a week) and my Podcast (a new episode every week), so if you REALLY want to get to know me, those are the places to go. (You can ask for the links if you’re at all interested.)

Do I get asks: Occasionally. Always welcome, never required.

Following: I dunno.  A lot of folks I find interesting. Some, sadly, have just quietly disappeared, and I wonder what happened to them. What, you want me to look up an actual number? That takes, like, effort.

Followers: I dunno. Again, looking things up is SO much effort.

Average hours of sleep: when I was working, 5-6 hours a night, no problem. Now, 7, and it makes a WORLD of difference in your life.

Instruments: Used to play trumpet; can pick out a tune on a piano and a couple chords on guitar. Don’t take any of them seriously anymore.

What I'm wearing: I mean, the uniform of the day for me these days is jeans and a t-shirt. If I’m feeling fancy, I might throw on an old polo shirt with an actual collar.

Dream job: Radio DJ was the dream, which I did years ago. But like any dream, the reality has it’s down-side too, which I also learned.

Dream trip: Before Covid, it was Ireland. Since Covid, any trip without worrying about bringing a mask and catching Covid is the dream. Seriously, everywhere we go, Covid is front-and-center. Maybe I’m too freaky about it, but I can’t seem to help it.

Nationality: My parents always said “We’re Americans.”  Heritage, family history, roots, were completely unimportant to them, for reasons they never made clear and, with them gone, which I’ll never know. Over the years, I learned, through bits and pieces of information at family gatherings, that there’s some Welsh, English, German, and Russian in the mix, but who came from where, and how, and why, and when - I have no idea.

Favourite songs: Impossible to answer because music is so mood-dependent.

Last book I read: I haven’t read anything truly memorable in a while. I know I just finished a book about two weeks ago, but can’t for the life of me remember it. Just started one of those David Baldacci page-turner-specials a couple days ago (Long Road to Mercy), which is readable, but which I’m sure I’ll forget a week after I’m done.

3 fictional universes:  So, Star Trek, because that’s the first “fictional universe” I became aware of, and it still gives me hope that one day we (meaning, “humans”) can get to a point in our development like that. And, Star Wars, because who doesn’t want to be Han Solo? And then Middle Earth, because if I can’t be Han Solo, I may as well try to be Gandalf.

Oh, as for tagging folks, first, let me tell you - this takes time to do! So I don’t really want to make anyone feel burdened. And here’s the thing (and this is the way my mind works), if I tag two or three (or six or seven) of my mutuals who I really want to hear about, I don’t want anyone who I didn’t tag to be upset or feel left out, so I’m afraid of not tagging everyone. I also don’t want anyone to feel like they HAVE to do it.  (Yeah, that’s why I rarely do these - TOO MUCH PRESSURE!) So, any mutuals who haven’t done this, I’m tagging you because I really DO want to know more, and I don’t want to leave anyone out.

Alright, that was WAY too much effort.  Time for a nap.