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#bronn asoiaf
catofoldstones · 2 months
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I hope Bronn dies in a freak accident and Lollys gets all her inheritance that is due to her after so much grief, violence, and loss.
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horizon-verizon · 3 months
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The Seven Kingdoms were full of highborn maidens, but even the oldest, poorest, and ugliest spinster in the realm would balk at wedding such lowborn scum as Bronn. Unless she was soft of body and soft of head, with a fatherless child in her belly from having been raped half a hundred times. Lady Tanda had been so desperate to find a husband for Lollys that she had even pursued Tyrion for a time, and that had been before half of King's Landing enjoyed her. No doubt Cersei had sweetened the offer somehow, and Bronn was a knight now, which made him a suitable match for a younger daughter of a minor house.
-- A Storm of Swords - Tyrion IX
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tyrionsource · 2 years
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Tyrion Month 2022 - Allies and Trials
Tyrion convinces Bronn and Oberyn to fight for him with promises of a reward a support, but also charms them with sense of humor and wits.
"Life would be much simpler if men could fuck themselves, don't you agree? And I can think of a few times when claws and teeth might have proved useful. Even so, I begin to see the nature of your complaint."
Bronn gave out with a chuckle, but Oberyn only smiled. "We might never have seen you at all but for your sweet sister. You were never seen at table or hall, though sometimes at night we could hear a baby howling down in the depths of the Rock. You did have a monstrous great voice, I must grant you that. You would wail for hours, and nothing would quiet you but a woman's teat."
"Still true, as it happens."
This time Prince Oberyn did laugh. "A taste we share. Lord Gargalen once told me he hoped to die with a sword in his hand, to which I replied that I would sooner go with a breast in mine."
Tyrion had to grin.
Tyrion V, ASOS
BONUS:
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Tyrion also got out of the pages of the book and charmed the author himself into writing the story! There would be no asoiaf without Tyrion.
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Rating asoiaf characters based on how likely they are to use pocket sand:
Jon Snow - my hot take is that people are very delusional and wrong about Jon. It’s not that he’s too “honorable” or “good” to use pocket sand in a fight coz he’s definitely not above using dirty tricks. But you gotta ask, which Jon is it? Agot-acok!Jon is def not using pocket sand because he thinks it’s dishonorable and a coward’s weapon. Asos!Jon is 8/10 gonna use pocket sand because fuq honor. Adwd and beyond!Jon is 0/10….he’s got something far more devious in his pockets - broken shards of glass.
Dany - yeah she’s using it, 7/10. She’s a smart girl. Like her actions in Astapor and Meereen show that she’s not above using dirty tricks to get ahead. Now how much pocket sand is she willing to use and against who? That’s the question…I can see her hesitating if her opponent is a small child.
Arya - for sure using pocket sand 10/10. There’s no denying it. She’s actually studied which types of sand are the best suited for different situations. But she’s quick enough that people don’t know what happened until she’s far away.
Bran - he doesn’t even know what pocket sand is so 0/10
Sansa - she knows what pocket sand is but she’s usually not willing to use it because it gets her clothes and hands dirty. If she’s really pushed…maybe? 2/10 but she’d gladly watch someone else do it
Robb - oh 20/10 using it no doubt. He’s been pushing Jon to get on the pocket sand trend for years to no avail
Theon - went with Robb to the pocket sand factory for a boys’ date out. 20/10 using it and with RELISH
Ned Stark - knows what pocket sand is, is unwilling to use it himself, but will turn the other way when he sees his buddy whip it out 0/10
Cat - yeah she’s using it, I’m not willing to debate over this 10/10
Davos - um yeah 10/10 using it….look sometimes you have to use all the tools available to you to survive
Jaime - trick question because which Jaime? Pre-hand chop Jaime? Won’t use it on principle. It’s cowardly and stupid. Post-hand chop Jaime? Yeah….he’s using it because he has to so 8/10
Brienne - look she doesn’t want to use it, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do 6/10
Pod - *confused* “why would anyone carry sand in their pockets to a fight?” 0/10
Howland Reed - was actually the one who invented the best sand for it and is mass producing it. Probably used it to defeat Arthur Dayne 100/10
Meera - come on, she’s swamp person and howland’s kid so 20/10 using pocket sand
Bronn - involved in an MLM to sell pocket sand 100/10
Tyrion - the one who founded the MLM and recruited Bronn so 200/10
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catsteeth · 2 days
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Sugar & Violence
Podrick Payne x reader 
+:✿ Chapter 2 ✿:+ : Beautiful Girl
previous chapter
Summary: You’re a Mormont being held hostage by House Lannister.  You are acting now as the Handmaiden for Margery Tyrell, whom you’ve grown quite close with. But it seems that a squire has caught your attention as you have caught his. 
CW: afab reader, SMUT, MDNI, Fingering, P in V sex, mention of alcohol consumption, mention of harassment, mention of NSFW themes.
Word Count: 5125 
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꒰ ୨୧ ─ ・┈ ・ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ꒱꒱
As you’d just finished getting Margery ready for the day she sat you down and began to ready you as well. It wasn’t custom for a Lady to dress and pretty her Hand Maiden but Margery had taken the responsibility voluntarily and happily. 
“Podrick was seen where?” You asked wide eyes, holding in a laugh.
“Little Finger’s brothel,” Margery replied with a smirk as she brushed your hair. 
You shook your head with a smile “I will not believe such rumors.” 
“I hear the whores did not receive a payment.” Her fingers twisting the front sections of your hair and braiding them together at the back of your head.
“You’re suggesting he didn’t pay them?” You asked with disbelief. He didn’t seem like the type of man to pay for a whore, much less the type of man to steal their time and effort. 
“I am suggesting they did not want a payment. I hear that he was so skilled, they wouldn’t accept his payment.” She said as she finished your hair and she sat in front of you, beginning to do your makeup. 
“Now that I can’t believe it.” You said holding back laughter,
“You never know for sure with men like him. Quiet, and sweet, they can be sensitive to a woman's needs.” She said putting 
“I’ve been pinned against enough trees on Bear Island by enough men to know, no tongue, fingers, cock, or even nose is good enough to turn down gold.” 
“Perhaps you’re right. But perhaps you’re wrong, there is only one way to find out.” 
“Oh please, he can hardly hold his gaze to mine.”
“Some would say that means he likes you, besides the poor boy gave you a flower. One of the sweetest, and pathetic things I have ever seen.” She jested.
“He doesn’t want me, not like that.” You always found it hard to believe that any man would be interested in you beyond bedding.
she rolled her eyes as she finished applying a rouge to your lips. She fixed your hair slightly and half a small compact mirror to your face.
“if i were a man i would ravish you.” she smiled as you looked at yourself in the mirror. 
Margery had done your makeup and hair countless times. Every morning after you’d done hers, but each time always made sure to tell you how beautiful you were. even if you didn’t believe it. 
“a man would ravish a horse if desperate enough.” you pushed the compact away, you got up and began to select the gowns you’d both wear to the celebratory feast tonight.
꒰ ୨୧ ─ ・┈ ・ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ꒱꒱
That evening was a celebration of the victory of Tywin Lannister. Nothing for you to feel celebratory for, but it gave you an opportunity to dance and drink. 
Most of the night you and Margrey had danced with one another, made quite jokes about the other men there. But once the celebration began to wind down Margrey had found an excuse to speak to Joffrey, part of her plan to seduce him. So naturally you made yourself scarce. Finding a corner of the room to stand in while you drank.
It would have been perfect to end your night in peace if a tall man didn’t approach you. 
He could have been some noble man or a knight, kings guard, even city watch, you didn’t know and more importantly did not care. 
“My, who might you be, my Lady.” He asked, his voice was low and attempting to sound seductive. 
“(Y/N) Mormont.” You said as you drank from your cup, your eyes wandered the room, paying little attention to the attractive man in front of you. As your eyes searched the large room, they landed on a pair of eyes already looking at you, Podrick’s. He looked at you with the eyes of a sad dog. 
It caught you so off guard you didn’t hear whatever the man had just said, only the mumbling of words. You tore your eyes from his and looked at the man, “What?” burrowed furrowed in frustration. 
“I said, then you are not much of a Lady.” He said with a twisted grin
“Is that so?” You said emotionlessly, unwilling to show any kind of offense that might have been taken. Fearing it would give him too much power. Besides, you did not care about the opinions of southerners. 
“Hand Maidens are not Ladies of any land, are they not?” 
“Perhaps.” You said your eyes returned to scanning the room, trying to find Podrick again, but having no luck.
“I could make you feel like one for tonight.” He held out his hand to you,
You held your cup to your lips as you spoke, “I’ve no wish to dance with you, Ser”.
“I cannot dance with a handmaiden,” The man smirked, his hand snaking around your waist. “I can enjoy one though.” He whispered in your ear.
You smirked back, and then you leaned in, making him think you were about to kiss him when you kicked him in the shin. “Oh!” You fained shock as he grunted in pain “My apologies Ser, I have always been quite clumsy.” Your concerned and shock demeanor dropped as you began to walk away. He began to spit some curse your way when you stomped on his foot. “If you’ll excuse me, my Lord.” 
As you walked forward a few steps before the man grabbed ahold of your wrist.
“You northern who-” He was interrupted by Podrick’s voice. 
“My Lady, the Queen wishes to have a word with you.” He spoke louder than usual. His eyes were wide and looked almost angry. 
You ripped your hand away from the man's grasp and walked with Podrick out of the room. 
“What does she want?” You asked, rubbing your wrist. 
“Nothing, I made that up.” He said avoiding your gaze as you both walked down the hall. 
“You made that up?” You looked at him with wide eyes, he nodded still avoiding your gaze. “Well, thank you.” You said softly. 
He’d walked you all the way to your chambers with no other words were exchanged between the two of you, other than the occasional glance at one another. You had reached your chambers door, you looked over at him as you began to open the door. 
He was ready to nod and walk away when you said, “Podrick,” To which his eyes went directly to yours. You didn’t say another word, just walked into your chambers leaving the door open. 
He hesitated for a moment, but walked in after you. 
He stood there, showing just how intimidated he was. 
As you kicked your shoes off, and removed the necklace Margery allowed you to barrow for the night, you looked over your shoulder to him “Close the door.” You said softly, and so he did. 
As you turned to him and began to walk towards him, his eyes subconsciously went from your eyes to your cleavage. Now more exposed now that you’d removed your necklace. He couldn’t help it really. Your corset and gown were truly putting them on display, and the candle light from your room made your skin glow beautifully. You smirked when you noticed, making him swallow hard and return his gaze to your eyes. He was going to apologize but you reached for his hand making him choke back any words he had. 
You held his hand, looking at his now healed cut, now formed scar across the palm of his hand. 
You trailed the scar with your finger tip. 
“You’re seducing me-” He finally found some courage to spit out some words.
“You feel seduced?” You still held his hand, still admiring your work on his hand.
“Yes- I mean, it is intentional isn’t it?” He stammered, somehow a little out of breath.
“Do you want it to be?” You looked at him with a grin and mischievous grin.
“I don’t want to offend you-” He said softly, looking away.
“So you don’t?” You let go of his hand,
“No- no,” His eyes went wide as he stammered, “I want you to, want to seduce me.” He winced at his own words, not knowing how to phrase it.
“Why would that offend me?” You smiled softly, holding back a giggle.
“I am just a squire, my Lady.” He shook his head looking down
“And here in King's Landing, I am just a handmaiden they send to patch up knights and Lords.” You said softly 
“You are Lady Mormont.” He said, it made you smile. No one had given such respect to your name in so long. 
“You’re sweet.” You brushed his short hair around his ear with your fingertips “Have you ever seduced a woman?” You asked sweetly, you knew the rumors of the whore house, but didn’t know if you could believe it.
“No, no, not really.” He said like we were being honest… maybe he was.
“Show me how you would.” You said looking up at him with sleepy eyes.
“What do you mean?” 
“How do you think I was seducing you?”
“You, made me… feel-” he stammered.
“Mhmm, so try to make me feel…” 
He stepped closer to you, meekly, his head lowered. He reached out and lightly ran his hand over your hair. Taking a strand of it and looking at it, admiring the color of it, and its texture. He looked into your eyes, his head still lowered. 
“You are beautiful.” His hand then went from your hair, to trailing his hand gently down your arm and grabbing your hand softly. He played with your fingers, again, gently. 
“I believe you are the most beautiful woman I have ever known.” He didn’t stammer, his voice was earnest, and gentle.
“This is wooing, not seducing.” You smiled and corrected him as if he were acting, genuinely thinking he were making it up. 
“I’m not trying to do either, my Lady.” Your smile dropped, “I just wish to be near you.” 
“You shouldn’t.” You said pulling your hand away.  “How we first met, tell me that.” 
“Lord Slynt ordered you to pour him wine-”
“And I spit in it.”
“He deserved it.”
“I lied to him, and your lord.” 
“Not to me.”
Your hardened gaze softened “No, no not to you” You lowered your head avoiding his eyes. afraid you’d melt in his sweetness. found yourself feeling that warm feeling in your chest again. You reached for his fingers with your own. interlocking your index finger with his. 
“You are- different.” He stammered a bit “Special.” He corrected, thinking it sounded more flattering. 
“You really are sweet. I don’t believe I've met a man so sweet as you.” He smiled, and in turn you smiled back, “You are shy, more so normally than you are now.” 
He let out a small chuckle “I still feel shy.” He said as he looked down smiling
“Are you too shy for me to kiss you?”
Instead of responding to you he cupped your face in his hands. So gently it was as if you were made of the finest porcelain in the realm. He leaned in and kissed your lips. Soft and again, gentle. but also passionate and almost lustful. You were surprised how well he kissed. No, he didn’t kiss well, his kiss was intoxicating somehow. Maybe it was the wine on his lips or just skill. you couldn’t help but let out the smallest whimper into his mouth. It made him pull away and go wide eyed. 
“You’re quite good at that.” You said wide eyes, catching your breath a bit.
“I apologize-“ He said, still holding your head in his hands.
“For what?”
“I should have asked you first,”
“Too late for that now,” you said, slinging your arms around his neck and pulling him into another kiss. Your lips fell into a perfect rhythm as his hands moved to your ribs, careful not to touch your breasts. his thumbs moved against your ribs slowly and gently. 
You’d never felt this way with a man before. Normally it was sweaty, sloppy, and you ended it burnt out and covered in spit. This was like a dance, like you and he had kissed in every life. 
You felt terrified. An emotion you rarely ever felt. 
What if he was like every other man. They whisper sweet things in your ears, promises, and compliments. Then once they lifted your skirts and humped into you a few times they’d leave. You felt hurt the first time, maybe the second time too. But after that it was expected. So you never let yourself become invested in a man again. You used them as they used you. 
But this was different, this wasn’t only lust, there was something more. But was this feeling only yours, or did you share it? You needed to test him, only you didn’t know quite how. 
“Stop” You whispered in his mouth as you kissed, it made him stop immediately, and he stepped away from you, breathless. 
“I- I’m sorry” He said about to go for the door before you stopped him grabbing his arm.
“No,” 
“But you said-” 
“I can’t bed you like this.” You said running your hands on the tight fabric of your gown.
“Bed me?” He asked as if he had choked, it made you smile.
“Will you wait here for me?” You asked, petting his cheek, and he nodded slightly confused.
꒰ ୨୧ ─ ・┈ ꒱꒱
You had gone into the bathing room that was attached between your room and Margery’s. You bathed quickly, washed your hair, washed your face of its makeup, and slipped into your night dress. The only thing you wore to cover your nakedness. 
As you opened the door you saw Podrick lighting the fireplace in your room. He stood as he heard you open the door and looked in your direction as he said, “I thought you might be cold-” He was cut off by the sight of you. His eyes were enamored by the sight of you. 
You hadn’t shown him this side of you. Totally free of glamor and shine. “Thank you,” You said as you walked towards him. 
As you stood in front of him he still couldn’t let out any words. “Do you… not like it?” 
He shook his head quickly, “This is the most I have ever seen of you.” he placed a hand on your cheek. “You are truly the most beautiful woman I have ever known.” 
You searched his eyes for a hint of deceit and found none. You took the hand he placed on your cheek and sat down on the fur carpet that laid in front of the fireplace, pulling him down with you. You looked at the scar on his hand again, this time placing a kiss on the scar. 
“Thank you for what you did tonight.” He looked slightly confused, “The lie you told.” You explained.
“I didn’t want to interrupt, but then I saw how he grabbed you.” He looked down, now beginning to simmer, “No one should grab you like that.” He said in a lower tone. “If I’d a sword, I wouldn’t have to tell a lie.” He became angered thinking of it.
You moved closer to him, beginning to undo the clasps on the front of his top. He looked intimidated again suddenly, “A sword hm?” He nodded, “What would you have told him?” 
“To unhand you, or I’d remove his hand.” He said, with a darker tone of voice, it made you smile as you pulled his red leather top off, leaving him in his tunic. 
“One day you’re going to be the only honorable knight in all of Westeros.” You saw heat rush to his cheeks when you said those words. “A big strong shining warrior.” You said crawling closer to him. 
“You’re seducing me again.” He said staring at your lips, his eyes drifted downwards again to your cleavage again now further exposed by the thin fabric and the angle you were in from crawling to him. 
“Do you want me to stop?” You asked in a whisper,
He shook his head “No,” He said, grasping your face in his hands kissing you so deeply you let out a small moan into his lips, only making him kiss you deeper. 
His hands roamed your sides, as yours gripped the back of his neck and roamed his chest down to his stomach.
When your hand reached his stomach you felt his muscles twitch and he let out a small groan. The sound of his groan made you clench your thighs together. 
Mixed with the sounds of your breathless whimpers he felt himself stiffening, “Can I touch you?” He whispered in your ear, you nodded and he whispered back “Thank you,” As his hands cupped your breasts. He let out a moan into your mouth as he groped you, feeling the plumpness of your breasts. You couldn’t take it anymore and began to lift your night dress. You stopped yourself however, not wanting to push him, 
“Is this okay?” You asked, and he nodded frantically. To which you smiled and lifted the rest of it off. His hands gripped your breasts tighter, and his mouth moved from yours to your neck and shoulder. 
“You’re beautiful.” He whispered against your hot skin, repeating it over and over again. 
One of your hands petted his hair, while the other went over his stomach to his now tenting trousers. You heard him moan into your neck and his hands gripped you tighter, making you moan in return. 
“You sound beautiful too,” He whispered 
“Take this off” You said much less elegantly as you pulled at the fabric of his shirt. As he did you laid down on the fur carpet under you. Looking up at him as he removed his tunic. You smiled up at him, “You’re quite pretty too.” 
He shook his head in awe of you, “Not like you… You could be a painting,” He said, dropping to his knees. He leaned down and kissed your lips. Both your lips at this point were slightly swollen, but that didn’t stop either of you from continuing. Kissing with a new kind of passion. 
You felt, for a moment, this might be much more. And if it was, you didn’t want to hide from him at all. You pulled away from his lips as you blurted out, 
“I’ve been with men before you.” breathlessly, “I feel I should be honest with you.” You felt even more naked revealing that, you felt heat spread across your face.
“That’s alright.” He nodded, trying to reassure you. “And I- I have- I’ve been with women before you.” 
Your eyes went wide, you thought back to the rumors you’d heard. “You have?” You shook your head to yourself trying to shake those thoughts out of your head. “That’s alright.” You said looking back at him, you smiled softly “It is, it’s alright.” You felt a hint of excitement, pulling him back into your body and to your lips. 
You two kissed for a moment until his mouth ran down to your neck, covering your body in as many kisses as he could, making you giggle. Giggle until you feel his thumb run down the slit of your folds. Which made you gasp slightly and then smile at him, and he smiled back. 
He leaned down and began to kiss and suck on your breasts. 
You felt yourself becoming a wet and sticky mess and his thumb continued to roll up and down the slit of your folds, masterfully avoiding your clit, teasing you. 
Finally his index and middle finger parted you, while his thumb gently teased your clit. 
“Mmmmmm” you let out as you closed your eyes. 
“Do you like that?” he asked softly into your breasts, all you could do was nod as he applied more pressure. 
his teeth grazed your nipple with expertise. As though he knew just the right amount to use, how much you liked. 
He continued to kiss, suck on, and sometimes lightly bite your breasts. You felt yourself clenching around nothing as he moaned soft praises into your skin. while he kept circling your clit. 
It was beginning to be too much and not enough. “More,” you whined, “Your fingers.” you said. 
He nodded, “Show me, show me what you like.” 
you reached your hand below, rubbing your clit only a little, then you pushed a finger in. He watched as your eyes closed from the pleasure
He inserted his finger alongside yours, feeling how you moved your own finger inside you. 
The extra digit in you stretched you so nicely, you let out a small sigh as you smiled at him and he smiled back at you.
You inserted a second finger, and he followed suit. The stretch burned slightly, it had been a while since you had been with a man, and now already you’d four fingers inside you. Albeit two were smaller than the other two but still. You whined a little as you winced slightly. It made him lean down and kiss your lips. 
“You’re wonderful” he said as he kissed your jaw and your neck, pumping his fingers in you with your own guiding him. You then removed your fingers, content to let him take control. 
His fingers knew when to curl and when to relax, when to push against the soft spot in you, and knew just the right speed. No man had ever known how to draw out such pleasure from simply his fingers with you. 
“Podrick-“ you gasped at certain curl of his fingers, 
“My lady?” he said into your lips, 
“Call me my name,” you said into his, 
“(Y/N)…(Y/N)..(Y/N)…(Y/N)..” he repeated softly as he kissed your cheek, then your other cheek, then your forehead, then your eyelids, nose, and finally your lips. 
You took his face into your hands, as gently as he took yours in his. You kissed him sweetly, as you pulled away you whispered “I want to make you feel good,” 
He smiled and let out a small chuckle “I feel very good,” 
You shook your head and rubbed your palm onto his tenting trousers, making him close his eyes tightly, “I want you to feel even better.” 
Your touching continued until he was grunting and bucking into your hand, “I- I have to take these off.” He said with a bit of shame as he fumbled with the strings of his trousers. You gladly helped him with a smile on your flushed face. 
As he was freed from his pants, you took him in your hand, looking at his cock. It was bigger than you had expected, and by far the prettiest one you’d seen. Most were crooked, too thin, or too wide but his was perfect. 
“Pretty thing you’ve got there,” You said with a smile as you pulled him into another kiss. 
As you did you pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him, slinging your leg over his body. 
He looked flustered with your boldness but pleased. “Thank you,” he responded. 
“You’re welcome,” You said as you lined his cock, slick with precum against your entrance. His hands gripped your hips as you lowered yourself, pushing him inside of you. 
You let out the prettiest of moans from your lips as did he. 
His eyes rolled to the back of his head as you grinded him into you, in and out. The way his cock twitched inside of you hit the soft spot in you so deliciously each time, making you moan even louder. 
You looked down at him, you ran your hand against his cheek as he looked back at you with a soft smile while moans left his lips.
The look in his eyes as he watched you squirm and whimper was a look you were not accustomed to.
All of the sudden, he pulled you down and rolled you onto your back. You were face to face, his arms wrapped around your body and yours around his. Your legs around his waist as he bucked into you, again and again. The way he did it, was as if he had done it a thousand times before. 
He moved his hands to hold your face, and his other to hold your hand. 
His thumb rubbed against your cheek, sweetly. Just before it left your cheek and trailed down your body to your cunt. Rubbing your clit in circles. 
He could feel you clenching around him, his speed picked up and his mouth returned to your nipples. But his hand never left yours. 
“I’m cuming, Podrick, I- mmhmm” You whined, only making him speed up even more. 
You felt your legs shake, your toes curl, and the pressure in your stomach snap and the warmth in your core spread around his cock. You let out the prettiest of moans as you came. You gripped his hand tightly. And he peppered your chest and your neck in kisses. “I want you to cum,” You whispered as he continued to fuck into you.
“So warm… so wet.” He whimpered against your neck, “Gods, I need you.” 
His thrusts in you became more and more erratic, you anticipated his cum filling you, you anticipated the heat that would fill you. You wanted it, badly. You smiled as you saw his face contort knowing it was coming, but he pulled out and came on the ground next to you. 
You whined a little, “I wanted it,” You said in a whisper. 
“You?-” He looked confused “You wanted it?” 
You nodded, pouting a little. 
“Why?” He asked, not being able to understand it, “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to- to sully your body.” He said, sweet sentiment. 
꒰ ୨୧ ─ ・┈꒱꒱
After he cleaned it up, you had gotten in bed. 
He dressed himself back in his tunic and walked over to you where you pulled him into your bed. 
He held you against his body, and you held him back. He just stared into your eyes, as he pet your cheek. He admired the way you looked against the light of the fire. His eyes trailed down your body and he saw the bruises he left from his kisses on your breasts. His thumb grazed over them as he said “I’m sorry, I-’ 
“You did nothing wrong,” You said as you gripped his face and pulled him down to kiss his lips. “Do you think your Lord misses you?” You asked jokingly. 
“I think he is too drunk to notice.” He said smiling at you, “What about your Lady?” 
“I think she was too involved in Joffrey to notice.” You said with a giggle. 
“Sleep with me tonight?” You asked softly, 
He nodded and he wrapped his arms around you and nuzzled his face into your neck.
꒰ ୨୧ ─ ・┈ ・ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ꒱꒱
When you woke up, you were alone. 
You felt a little betrayed but you knew he had duties. 
Later that day you were ordered to check on Lord Tyrion’s injuries as the Maester was too busy to see to it himself. 
When you knocked on the door to Tyrion's chambers Bronn answered the door, he eyed you up and down, making you roll your eyes. 
“My Lord,” You said walking into Tyrion’s chambers, brushing past Bronn and avoiding his gaze. 
“Ah, the bear girl.” Tyrion said,
“(Y/N) Mormont, my Lord.” Podrick attempted to correct him, which made Bronn huff and roll his eyes. But you smiled at him, and he smiled back. 
“Yes, Podrick, I know her name. My family is holding her captive after all.” 
You smirked at his admission, ‘How’re you feeling?” You asked as you sat a leather bag of medicines and supplies on a table. 
“Oh quite pleasurable.” Tyrion said sarcastically,
You turned towards him, dropping your concerned demeanor “I need to know if it stings or itches, if it’s infected, it could spread to your eyes, you’ll go blind, it could spread to your sinuses which could make you go deaf, and if it spreads to your brain you’ll die."
“You’re a gentle flower aren’t you?” 
“Always have been. The Flower of Bear Island they called me.” You said sarcastically with crossed arms, making Tyrion huff a chuckle, “Yes and now they call me bear girl and whore, so if you could be so kind and cooperate I can see to it that you don’t die.” 
Podrick held back a smile at your strength.
“Alright, no burning, itching, or stinging. Satisfied?” Tyrion said as you sat beside him.
“Somewhat…” You said while examining the cut. 
Podricks eyes were entranced by the way your eyes darted around the Lord's scar, how you examined it with such expertise. How your eyebrows narrowed and your lips pouted slightly when you focused intensely on something. How when you wrapped a new bandage around the Lord's face you bit on your bottom lip. As he stared at your lips he thought of your first kiss, how warm and soft your lips were, he thought of your sweet taste. He wanted to grab your face and do it all over again. He was so deep into his fantasy he hadn’t even noticed Tyrion had called his name twice.  
Bronn smacked Podricks head, making him snap out of it as Tyrion repeated himself again. 
“Pod, see Lady Mormont to her chambers.” 
“Yes, my Lord.” Podrick nodded
“Oh I'm sure the lad would love that.” Bronn said as you and Podrick left the room.
Once the door to Tyrion's chamber was closed you turned to Podrick with narrowed eyes. 
“You told them?” You asked with venom.
“No, no, no I wouldn’t.” He stammered, not wanting you to believe he would do such a thing to you, “I wouldn’t. I believe I am just not very good at concealing my… interest in you.” He said softly so no one would hear. 
It made you smile. 
“I am sorry I couldn’t stay, My Lady. This morning, I couldn’t stay, Lord Tyrion would have sent someone for me.” He said softly again.
“I told you, you can call me by my name.” You said not willing to say it was alright but not willing to say it wasn’t. “Did you forget it, Podrick?” You teased him
“No, no (Y/N)” He said your name with a smile.
“Good, I thought your interest in me had finally subsided.” 
“I don’t think it could.” 
It made you smile again, 'seven hells' you thought, falling for such things.
You looked around and saw no one in the hall, you pulled him into another kiss.
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NOTE:sowwy this took so long, i wuv you!
TAG LIST: @ryn-away @boojaynaqueen @holierthancunt @symonedoesart
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ohmy-zabrak · 3 months
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🌙 Have this part of my wip because we need more silly Hound content 🌙
"Oh, have a cock do you?" The Hound snorts.
"I do, it's massive. Bigger than your's even."
To Bronn and Tyrion's surprise...the Hound giggles. "Let's see it then."
The sound of rustling blankets through the wall.
"No, he's shy," Lady Alice says. "Knock it off, you're scaring him!" She giggles.
The sounds of wrestling.
"There's no cock here-"
Alice yelps but it turns into a moan.
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kingslayerstew · 10 months
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phone drawing of my first asoiaf love
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goodqueenaly · 9 months
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In your opinion, in AFFC, what would have been the best way for Cersei to get rid of Bronn? Could she have just sent him to the Riverlands to ‘help’ Jaime, or to the siege on Dragonstone?
It's not that Cersei didn't have different ideas of how Bronn might have been (in her mind) quietly dispatched. Indeed, when she berates Falyse Stokeworth for the miserable failure of Balman Byrch's assassination attempt, Cersei scolds her that "I asked you to arrange a hunting mishap. An arrow gone astray, a fall from a horse, an angry boar ... [sic] there are so many ways a man can die in the woods". If Cersei is not always the smoothest of operators, much less conspirators and assassins - see, for example, her clumsy attempts to kill Robert, echoed in some of the schemes she suggested above - these were, if only in a very much relative sense, subtler plans than Balman Byrch's naively chivalric interpretation of her barely unspoken directive to kill Bronn. In Cersei's mind, I think, she imagined the plot would have happened quickly and discreetly: Bronn was at Stokeworth, her Stokeworth friends (in the loosest sense of the term) could have lured him into a convenient trap there, Ser Bronn of the Blackwater would have met an untimely end, and no one would have been the wiser as to the queen's hand in all of it.
But the bigger point here is why Cersei believed she had to have Bronn removed in the first place. By buying off Bronn with Lollys Stokeworth, Cersei had freed herself from the fear that he would support Tyrion in the latter's trial - but because Cersei has long operated under the base assumption that Tyrion is the prophesied valonqar who will eventually murder Cersei herself, Cersei could not simply live and let live when it came to Bronn. It could not be the case that Bronn named Lollys' child "Tyrion" out of a sort of wry fondness for his former employer - no, Bronn had to be hinting at his continuing allegiance to Tyrion, even to the absurd point of hiding Tyrion at Stokeworth itself. It could not be that Bronn was simply taking a leaf from his old employer's book by building a personal army for himself out of a handful of sellswords, in order to secure his power in an uneasy position - no, Bronn had to be mobilizing a pro-Tyrion army with the intent of deposing and killing Cersei.
Put bluntly, only Cersei's paranoia had convinced her of the need to have Bronn killed. In her haste to get rid of someone she believed was Tyrion's agent and protector in virtually her backyard, Cersei had not only acted with her characteristic assassination clumsiness, but had also targeted someone who posed no actual threat to her. It was a move that backfired spectacularly, because not only did Bronn survive (which he might have no matter what manner of assassination Cersei chose, given her penchant for chancy prospects), but he did so while forcing Balman to confess that Cersei had put him, Balman, up to it in the first place. Now Bronn knows that Cersei was out to get him on no grounds whatsoever - and as jure uxoris Lord of Stokeworth, he now controls one of the Iron Throne's primary local vassals, the very families Cersei might be calling on for support as her regime crumbles in TWOW. (But at least she and her family didn't ruin relations with another major local Crownlands family, the Rosbys ... oh wait.)
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frying-panties · 3 months
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You guys liked the other Flatshare piece so much, I just had to create a scene in which they're ordering takeout and everybody's mad at Petyr for not paying his share! Also added the ginger cat from modern Petyr's nap piece as to connect all three drawings.
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eonweheraldodemanwe · 3 months
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Starks models for A Song of Ice and Fire Tactics
Catelyn Stark
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Arya Stark
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Robb Stark
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Great Jon Umber
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Ser Rodrik Cassel
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Bronn
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asoiafandotherbooks · 7 months
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Watch "all the times jaime lannister was personally attacked" on YouTube
youtube
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catofoldstones · 4 days
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Listen I know I like to shit on the Game of Thrones show since I started reading the books but nothing, and I mean nothing, tops Bronn as Lord Paramount of the Reach, because the Tyrells are all dead, as one of the scenes that sends me up a wall on all fours in a rabid rage, hanging onto the ceiling with nothing but my teeth
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bigmommybrienne · 1 month
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bronn won a ticket to berlin over a htgv giveaway and unzips his bag in a random ibis hotel only to find out that jaime, cersei and tyrion have snuck into his luggage and now he has to log around these three inbred assholes and tyrion’s guide book is not only in german but also printed in 1942 and so the poor guy gets beaten by at least ten sjws every time he asks literally anyone for directions because of just well and truly inadequate vernacular and he ends up with a shoulder so spectacularly fractured he is entered into the guiness world records book, and cersei gets thrown out of an overpriced coffee shop for ordering an iced coffee with dairy milk and ends up crying on the sidewalk and being jumped by a raccoon on pep so she has to get an emergency tetanus shot meanwhile jaime is off clubbing and doing pink cocaine with a flock of goths which goes well until he is asked about his music taste and says something about metallica which causes a paralyzed age fan to gnaw his hand straight off at the wrist and he doesn’t know his blood type when admitted to the hospital but good thing cersei’s in the same er because of the raccoon incident so at least he’s not dying (yet). and bronn is partying his ass off and back on because he knows a berghain dj and he’s having the time of his fucking life and is not answering his phone and neither is tywin so it’s up to poor unfortunate soul brienne to get her messy one armed situationship, his now fully rabid twin sister and his completely incapacitated little brother on the cheapest ryanair flight she can possibly find all the while violently ranting to catelyn stark from her puppy training group on the phone.
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coldraindropsss · 1 year
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Bronn Blackwater and Lollys Stokeworth🤎💚
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bibiundtinaundzombies · 3 months
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making up wild asoiaf ships and posting them with a tag just to see if i’m the first weirdo who thought of them
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milaeryn · 1 year
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Ser Bronn
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