#but all of these are seriously SO very beautiful

[strang3lov3]

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You and Joel both know how he got that virus on his computer, and you can’t help but to relentlessly tease him in more ways than one…until Joel’s had enough.

Alternatively, Joel should really stop clicking on links that Tommy emails him. (7.6k)

Tags - neighbor!joel, grumpy!joel, pre/no outbreak, porn watching, joel straight jorkin’ his peanits, teasing, lingerie, handjobs, upside down blowjobs (like what happened in spider man), rough sex, manhandling, oral (f receiving), come eating, fingering, overstim, soft dom!joel, porn watching, reader has a bush but is otherwise not described Fic Help - @joeloverture, @joelsgreys, and @endlessthxxghts for their beautiful brains, and @noxturnalpascal and @beefrobeefcal for editing and patiently explaining dial up internet to me for this fic 🩷👾📀🖥️ Patti, I seriously cannot thank you enough. You made this fic fucking perfect. A/N - sorry for the delay on getting joel out to you in a timely manner, he should be cumming a lot more frequently…maybe. I do have a vacation I’m leaving for in less than a week. Also, thank you for all the well wishes and participation on my anniversary/5k celebration, I love you all so very much 🩷

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You know what you came here for. Grumpy, technologically inept Joel fucking the daylights out of you below 👇🖥️🦠🛜👾😍🍑👅💦🍆

It's early evening on a Saturday and finally time for Joel to enjoy his day off. He spent the day doing yard work, grocery shopping, and chauffeuring his daughter to and from soccer games. Saturdays are never really very relaxing for him, so when he has a quiet moment, like right now, he takes advantage. 

Joel draws the curtains closed in his kitchen as he stares at his computer setup and contemplates, even though his mind is already made up. It’s a sign - there’s a Victoria’s Secret coupon set that’s been sitting on his kitchen counter since this morning, addressed to you of course. Damn mailman can’t get anything right. 

He sits down on the chair in front of the monitor and powers the machine on, opens the tower’s disc drive and inserts his AOL CD before opening the matching AOL application. He has a post-it taped to the bottom of a drawer next to him that he reads from every time to remember his username and password. Joel grumbles to himself as he unzips his jeans, something about ‘damn thing’s always takin’ too long to load’ as the screen goes from dialing to connecting to connected. Netscape takes even longer to load, but when it finally does Joel visits his favorite website, victoriassecret.com. He works his half-hard cock in one hand, feeling it stiffen in his palm as the screen loads slowly, images of lingerie-clad models coming to life bit by bit. Joel groans and squeezes himself. 

He knows that jerking off to Victoria's Secret advertisements is juvenile at best. He knows other porn exists, he’s got old dirty Playboy magazines from his teenage years and even some bootleg VHS tapes that his brother Tommy copied for him. He’s tried to watch them, but they’re all sort of sterile and awkward, the dialogue fake and the women’s moans exaggerated and over the top, it takes him out of the fantasy. They can also only be played on the television in the living room, which is not ideal for a number of reasons.

 Joel also knows that the women in these advertisements are not real, that they’re airbrushed and photoshopped to the point of looking like Barbie dolls. He knows that they have more curves and body hair than what he’s looking at on his screen, that they have cellulite, stretch marks, and all of the other things he loves on a woman’s body. But Joel is nothing but a man, and a lonely one at that. A hard worker and a dedicated father, he doesn’t have much time for dating. And importantly to Joel, Victoria’s Secret advertisements allow him to do something his dirty magazines and bootleg VHS tapes can’t - use his imagination. 

Oh yes, Joel loves when a little mystery is left for him, to pique his interests. He loves to imagine what the model’s breasts look like, if they’re more round-shaped, or like tear drops. Would they hang heavy, swaying when she moved, or would they point outward, petite and perky? How dark or light are their nipples and what would they look like when hard? He loves to picture their vulvas, to visualize what their folds would look like spread in front of him, to envision how they maintain their pubic hair. He wonders what they look like when they’re wet, lips all swollen. It thrills him, excites him. 

His eyes are squeezed shut and he’s pumping his cock when a loud email notification from [email protected] interrupts him. “Fuckin’ Tommy,” he mutters, clicking on the popup. 

here’s this for your spank bank pervert 

No greeting, no goodbye, nothing capitalized and no punctuation. Just one blue link and nothing else. Joel rolls his eyes but clicks the link anyway, more out of boredom than genuine curiosity.

Just like before, it takes a moment to load but when it finally does, Joel blushes. It’s a porn site where people appear to upload their own porn. It seems expansive, all sorts of categories. Immediately, Joel’s intrigued - he didn’t realize that this kind of stuff was available online. He guesses that he probably should have known that, but rationalizes that he doesn’t use the internet much. His computer is meant for a few things - playing Microsoft Pinball, emailing clients, and browsing Victoria's Secret during times like this. But this - this might’ve just changed the game. 

From the thumbnails, these appear to be real people. People of all ages, from young adults to older lovers. Nudity plastered across his screen in all different shapes and sizes, a variety of lengths and cup sizes before him. There are people consensually exploring kinks and couples in love, everyone engaging in a variety of different sexual acts from solo stuff to threesomes to orgies. This has it all, gay, straight,  and everything in between. After scrolling through, Joel notices that there’s a little magnifying glass to search for whatever one may fancy. Joel clicks on this and he first searches ‘boobs’. Then ‘big boobs’, ‘small boobs’, ‘blowjobs’, ‘doggy style’. With each search term he types in, the screen loads with various videos of his request. And then, just for shits and giggles, he searches for his favorite - ‘lingerie’.

The results are everything he dreamed of. Forget Victoria’s Secret, this has it all. Women of different sizes and skin tones, all in various stages of undress. Some wearing bras and panties, others wearing lace babydolls and teddies. One particular thumbnail has his interest piqued, though. It’s a woman in a robe, leaning towards the camera so her cleavage is showing. “Let me strip tease you ;)” is the title of her video. 

CLICK HERE TO WATCH.

She doesn’t need to tell Joel twice. Joel clicks the link and watches a little popup on his screen indicate that a video is downloading. Once downloaded, he opens the file and begins to watch the video. The woman featured is cute, he thinks. She’s a curvy redhead and she’s teasing, smiling - he likes that. Those Victoria's Secret models don’t smile like this. She lifts her lacy pink robe and shows her ass where there’s a cute little heart-shaped peekaboo cutout in her panties. Joel likes that too. Joel’s been absentmindedly stroking himself and he sighs in contentment. She’s about to open her robe, show him her breasts and–

Windows System Alert

Error Code: 0x80070070

Your computer has encountered a critical issue due to a potentially harmful program. This issue has affected system files and may cause instability or loss of data.

Please take the following actions immediately:

Save all work in progress.

Disconnect from the internet.

Run a full system scan with your security software.

For further assistance, contact technical support.

“Well, that ain’t right,” Joel mumbles. Joel clicks on the little red X in the top right corner to make it disappear, but the popup is right back where it was, blocking that cute redhead from giving Joel a virtual show. He tries closing the message again, it pops right back up. Growing slightly irritated, Joel closes the media player altogether and reopens the downloaded strip tease video. It won’t open. “The fuck?” He tries opening an old untitled document from months ago, and yet again he’s met with the same error message. The popup is arriving in multiples now, blocking his screen. It’s like whack-a-mole, the way he’s closing one and two more pop up in its place.

Joel’s out of his depth here, so he decides to consult an expert. He lives right across the street from a total computer whiz, so he’ll ask her for help. He tucks himself back into his jeans with a soft groan, zips and buttons his jeans before making his way to her house. 

-

You’re vacuuming your floor when you think you hear the faint sound of knocking, so you turn around to see a figure standing on your porch through your window. It’s Joel. Devastatingly handsome, grumpy, single dad. 

You and Joel got off to a rocky start when you moved into the neighborhood a couple years back. He used to hound you about letting your grass grow too long, and you’d argue back by telling him that it’s good for the environment. Growing tired of your protesting, Joel decided to start mowing your lawn for you, without your consent. Not that you really minded, he always wears his grass-stained white and navy New Balance sneakers, his few-inches-too-short denim cutoffs and an old white tank top, stained with grease and his own sweat. It clings to his body, outlining his soft belly. His slightly graying but dark, damp curls cling to his perspiring forehead as his thick thighs clench with every step he takes, pushing that heavy lawnmower up and down your front yard. You compensate him with glasses of fresh squeezed lemonade, offer him a cool wash rag that he wipes his forehead with, the sweat and water dripping down his temple, over the stubble on his jaw. Tensions softened then, and Joel’s been a nice neighbor to have ever since. He, his brother and daughter are good people. 

You tap the button on the bottom of your vacuum cleaner with your toe, shutting it off before opening the door for Joel. He looks a little disheveled - he’s breathing heavily, pupils blown wide. “You busy right now?”

“For you? You know I’m always too busy,” you smirk, tapping your foot against his shoe. 

“Yeah, whatever. Listen, I’m findin’ myself in need of your computer expertise. Would you be able to help me, darlin’?”

It’s the way Joel calls you darlin’, how he flashes those sparkling, chocolate eyes at you, bats his long lashes and smiles at you in such a way that you’re sure he’s deliberately trying to send you to an early grave. You’re wrapped around Joel’s finger but nevertheless, you work your angle. “My time is precious, Joel. How will you make it worth my while?”

Joel rolls his eyes, “Oh, give me a break. I’ll mow your lawn. Does that work for you, princess?” 

“You already mow my lawn.” 

“Yeah, and I’ll keep mowin’ it. How’s that?” 

“Cheap,” you quip. But you still smile and close the door behind you, and Joel blushes as you unknowingly take the hand Joel was just pleasuring himself with in yours, swinging your arms between you playfully as you cross the street to his house together. Your skin tickles when Joel places a hand on your lower back, guiding you to his computer setup before pulling out the chair for you. You log into his computer using his own username and password, something you know by heart. Joel has forgotten his password so many times, he used to call you - at a minimum - twice a week to ask you what it was. The only solution to that issue was for you to write it down on a post-it note and stick it next to the monitor for him. He absolutely hates that you’ve made him put dollar signs and exclamation marks in his password. “Seems unnecessary,” is what he would say, annoyance lacing his tone. 

You retorted with, “Well if you can’t even get into your own computer, how could anyone else?” and Joel shrugged and nodded.

Joel pours both himself and you a glass of ice water, then sits down at the dining room table behind you. “So it’s uhh…” he starts, interrupting himself to sip his water. “Got this error message thing when you click on a file.”

Clicking a file, you see the error popup Joel’s referring to. “I see,” you mumble, clicking on a few others. Joel watches your brows furrow in concentration, a frown painting your lips. 

Oh, shit. Joel didn’t even think to delete that file. “W-what is it? Why’re you makin’ that face?”

“I’m diagnosing.”

Right. Of course you are. You haven’t seen anything you’re not supposed to see, because it’s not like the files would magically start opening for your eyes only. Right? “What’s the verdict, doc?” Joel jokes, hoping you don’t hear the way his voice wobbles slightly with anxiety. 

You suck in a breath through your teeth, “Not good,” you reply. “All of your files are corrupted, I thin–”

Joel interrupts, “What’s that, what’s corrupted? Is that bad?”

“Your turn,” you interrupt back, cocking an eyebrow at his impoliteness. It’s very unlike him.

“M’sorry, hon. Go ‘head, sorry.”

 Joel needs to get it together. He’s fidgety and high-strung. He needs to calm down. It’s fine. It will be fine. You’re gonna work your magic and you’re not gonna see anything you’re not supposed to see. When you’re done, you’re gonna go home and Joel will go right back to his private time as previously scheduled - that’s probably what his biggest problem is, he’s blue-balled himself and he’s all wound-up. Problem will be fixed, easy peasy.

 “When did you say this problem started again?”

“Uh, just a little bit ago,” Joel answers, walking over to the sink and getting himself a glass of water. “Thirsty?”

“No, thanks. What websites do you visit?”

Joel watches you browse his files and mess with the system preferences on his computer. “The weather mostly, or Amazon.. Orderin’ books for Sarah.” Which is a total lie, but he justifies this in his head by telling himself that you don’t need to know what website he visits the most. It’ll embarrass you both. And actually, Sarah prefers to go to the library. She even went today.

“Anything else?”

Joel lies again, “Check the news from time to time, check my team’s scores.” 

You hum in response and continue typing. Joel wishes he could type like that, watching your fingers effortlessly fly across the keyboard. He likes the sound it makes, the quiet clicking and the tapping of your manicured fingernails. “What about emails, you avoiding those scams I told you about?” 

“Yes.”

“Clicking on chainmail?” 

“I am not.”

“Not anymore,” you mumble under your breath. Joel rolls his eyes. You’ll never let it go, will you?

-

Chainmail is how you became Joel’s IT girl. For a couple of months, you’d received various emails from him that were just copy-paste chainmail messages. You know, the ones that say things like ‘Click here to verify your account information. Send to 10 friends and family members to verify their accounts as well.’ You’d just delete, delete, delete, and reply back asking him to stop emailing you these things. But Joel never stopped, day after day he’d send you chainmail. After receiving what felt like the eightieth spam email from [email protected], you decided to confront him. 

Joel awoke from an accidental afternoon nap to rather incessant knocking coming from his front door. He opened it only to find you on his porch, where you then proceeded to invite yourself inside. “What happened to hello?” he asked, his voice all sexy and raspy and his eyes tired, lines indenting his face from laying on the couch. He yawned, running his fingers through his curls to try and tame the bed head. You wondered if he always looked this handsome when he woke up.

“Sorry, hi,” you corrected. “Need to borrow your computer. Please.”

Yawning again, Joel sleepily gestured to his computer in the kitchen. “Knock yourself out. Damn thing ain’t actin’ right, though.”

You powered the machine on logged in using the post-it taped to his wall, rolling your eyes and shaking your head. Upon logging in and connecting to the internet, you noticed all sorts of glitches. Not even your computer ran consistently smoothly, but Joel’s was a wreck. Popups and error messages of all different kinds littered the screen, blocking the cute picture of himself and Sarah he had set as the background. “Wow, I couldn’t tell,” you teased. “You have more errors than you do applications on this thing, Joel.” Joel only shrugged in response. “Come sit by me,” you said.

Joel pulled up a seat next to you. “I wanna show you something. Can I open your email?”

“Go right ahead, hon.”

You opened Joel’s email and found his ‘sent’ box, where the last sent email was addressed to you. You clicked it and it opened to his last sent piece of chainmail. “I’ve asked you to stop sending me these emails,” you told him. 

Joel looked crushed almost, a look of puzzlement and what might’ve been hurt momentarily painting his features. “You have?”

“I have.”

The chainmail on the screen was a common one he’d send you, the one asking you to give up your information to protect yourself. “I was only tryin’ to be neighborly. I thought you’d like ‘em, y’know - want you to keep yourself safe.”

It was endearing, the way he explained himself. How he wanted you to stay safe. Your frustration dissipated, only to be renewed as you looked in his spam folder to find all of your replies to him in there instead of his main inbox. “Joel, why am I in your spam folder?” you asked, sighing. Joel simply shrugged and you didn’t even have words. By the look on his face, he probably didn’t even realize he had a spam folder, much less knew what one was. But you had greater concerns. “What are those emails supposed to keep me safe from?”

 “Well, from…” Joel’s mouth hung open as he thought about it, looked up and to the side as he began to realize he didn’t have an answer. “Uhh–”

“You don’t know, do you?” Joel shook his head. “Exactly. It’s called phishing, these emails you’ve been sending me aren’t real. They’re trying to get peoples’ personal information, like, look–” you pointed to the screen, showing Joel an example, “See? Here, it’s asking for your bank information.”

“And I wasn’t ‘sposed to give them that?”

You tilted your head in disappointment, “Joel.” 

Joel groaned and leaned back in his chair, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Yeah, I know. Fuckin’ idiot.”

You were about to tell him to call his bank, but he was already on it. He pulled his Nokia phone from his belt clip and called his bank to explain the situation. As you went through his inbox and deleted each and every one of the hinky-looking emails, you listened to Joel on the phone. 

“Didn’t realize there were these uh…email scams…Yeah, that charge was me. And that too…

 …Will you call me f’ya see anything suspicious? Okay.

 …Okay. Thank you, ma’am. Thank you. You too.”

From what you heard of the phone call, it seemed that he was safe. You guessed that Joel’s technological ineptitude is probably what had saved him, that he likely mistyped or misunderstood what the scam was attempting to do. You continued to delete scams and other malware-adjacent things from his computer as Joel hung up the phone call and sat back down with you. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, s’all good.”

Joel looked shaken, though. You touched his hand sympathetically and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You’re gonna learn some internet safety today.”

“Figured. I need it.” 

“Yeah, you do,” you smiled. You went through his email, pointing out all the different scams. You told him not to click on links that look like this and that. This is a scam, this is too. You told him that anything attempting to sell fireworks, guns, or anything else at the low, low price of x amount isn’t real. And no, these emails here do not mean that you won a new TV or the lottery or a cruise. Anything that seems too good to be true definitely is. “...Actually,” you began, “All of these are from Tommy. New rule, don’t click on anything from Tommy.”

“Noted,” Joel replied. “I didn’t know any ‘a this.”

“Most people don’t. It’s new, yet. But you know now, so it’s okay.”

Joel breathed a sigh of relief, but he still looked overwhelmed. This time he took your hand and squeezed it. After a moment, he asked you where you learned all of this from. You explained you picked a lot of it up in school, just learning things here and there. Joel let you talk about it all and seemed genuinely interested and impressed.  

“I went through and fixed all that was giving you trouble, by the way. Your computer should be running smoother,” you said. “And I changed your password.  ‘abcde’ is not a good password, Joel.” 

From that day forward, you became Joel's official computer girl. He’d call you and have you help him when he couldn’t get his computer connected to the printer, when he screwed with the settings and the computer didn’t look or act the way he was used to. Even the most basic things, like whenever he had a new picture of himself and Sarah he wanted to change the background to. Not that you minded, you’d jump at any opportunity to poke fun at your handsome neighbor’s lack of computer knowledge.

-

“Did you click on any links from Tommy?”

Joel goes quiet at that, remembering your very specific rule to not engage with him over email. He looks down at his hands as he twiddles his thumbs together. “I might’ve…one or two, maybe”

“What kind of links?”

“There– Fuck, I don’t know. You know, just…websites. They take me to websites. But I don’t give ‘em my information,” he insists. 

“What’s on these websites?”

Joel thinks fast. “Truckparts,” he answers too quickly, and the two words come out as one. “Just truck parts,” he says again, slower.

“Well, you must’ve been looking at some sketchy truck parts. You’ve got a virus.” 

“Okay,” he says. “Figured as much. But you’ve fixed those before for me, haven’t you?”

“I have, but this one means business,” you reply, shaking your head. You start to type a bit, click the mouse as you go through and attempt to delete corrupted files, but it’s not working the way it should. You open Netscape and check the browsing history to see if that can clue you in as to what website could have done this to Joel’s computer. “You said it just started?”

“Just started, yeah,” Joel affirms.

Which…tracks. 

Today, Saturday, June 25, 2003

5:06 pm https://xxxmyvideos.com/lingerie

4:54 pm https://xxxmyvideos.com/doggy-style

4:50 pm https://xxxmyvideos.com/blowjobs

4:49 pm https://xxxmyvideos.com/small-boobs

4:49 pm https://xxxmyvideos.com/big-boobs

4:45 pm https://xxxmyvideos.com/home

His search history is nothing but porn, which you’re 99% sure is exactly what caused the virus. The time stamps all show that the site was visited within the last hour, and Joel says it just started, so… 

“What’re you lookin’ at?”

“Well,” you say, hesitating before answering fully. “I am looking at your search history.”

Joel stares at the monitor like a deer in the headlights. “There’s - my uh…” he swallows thickly, “They keep records of that?”

“Mhm.”

“Well I told you - just….lookin’ at parts,” Joel’s hand wobbles slightly as he sips on his water.

“Yeah, lady parts.”

Joel sputters on his drink, choking and coughing as he slams the glass down and water spills everywhere. He uses the bottom of his t-shirt to clean his mess as he begins to turn red, feeling his chest and neck and cheeks begin to warm. He can’t even look at you, but he hears your giggles and he can picture your smug grin and he wishes so badly he was dead right now. You’ve seen it all, you know everything. You know it and so does he. He’s gaining the courage to look at you and oh god - you’re scrolling through the dirty website. Giggling, you’re looking at everything he looked at, fucking everything. You’re seeing the same dicks he saw, the same pussies, seeing the purple links that indicate exactly what he’s already clicked on. “Yeah, laugh it up,” he says angrily, defensively. “Ain’t that funny.”

Joel’s world is ending, but it’s really not as bad as he thinks it is. The porn is tamer than what’s often found on the internet, much tamer than the shit you watch. You continue to explore the site as you listen to Joel tell on himself behind you.

“It’s just somethin’ to pass the time,” he says. “It’s natural, alright? And I know you do it too.” He’s deflecting. Even still, he’s not wrong, you certainly do take part. 

You just let him keep talking, relishing in having the upper hand in this situation. “You’re blushing,” you tell him when he quiets down, just to get him started and riled up again as you browse the site. You notice a lot of videos are duplicates, prompting users to download the same thumbnail uploaded by different usernames. Whatever Joel clicked on was probably not uploaded by a real person, though. He clocked on a gibberish username made up of random letters and numbers, unlike some other videos uploaded under actual names. Like Joel’s new found friend ‘cherry_girl_xo’, whose username link is purple. You smirk at that, turning around to look at Joel who definitely recognizes her. He’s bright red everywhere.  

You’re sure this website is the culprit, but you check the rest of his search history to see if any other clue lies in there, but see nothing of import. All you notice are various links to victoriassecret.com, over and over and over again. Based on that and his last searched term on that shady porn site, you can safely assume he’s got a thing for lingerie. Which - funnily enough, you’re wearing right now. Not the kind of lingerie Joel’s been beating off to, but similar. You’re wearing your laciest undergarments, a lavender colored bra with a matching thong. They’re your laundry day underwear, you know the kind - five years old and been sitting at the bottom of your underwear drawer untouched for four of those years, not very comfortable and only to be worn when you’ve just gotten off your period and all of your cotton bikinis and boyshorts are in the wash. That kind. 

After toying with Joel’s computer for a while longer while he twists uncomfortably in agonizing humiliation, you decide there’s not much else that can be done. “I think we have to wipe it all, Joel,” you tell him. “Delete everything and start fresh.”

Joel nods quietly. “Will I still be able to play pinball after?”

“Yeah, I’ll make sure you can play pinball,” you chuckle.

“Wipe it, then.”

And so you start the process, which will take a long while. The screen loads and loads as you and Joel wait quietly. You look at Joel, who’s got an elbow on the table as he rests his forehead in his palm. “What?” he snaps, noticing you staring at him. You can’t fight the giggles from erupting. “Would you quit fuckin’ gigglin’ like that? You know that a man’s got needs and I ain’t hurtin’ anyone–” You contort your lips into a forced frown, pressing them into a thin line and then covering your mouth to keep your laughter at bay, but you’re struggling. Joel can see the amusement still sparkling in your eyes and says your name in a warning tone. 

“I’m sorry,” you smile, raising your hands in surrender. “I won’t laugh. I’m sorry, Joel.”

“Better be,” he grumbles. He drinks the last of his water quietly as you think about something, something that’s been heavy on your mind for the last couple of minutes. What if Joel knew what you were wearing beneath your clothes? You’ve made this afternoon absolute hell for him and you know that - but you don’t care. You’ve had too much fun getting under his skin to stop now. 

The real dirty work begins when you unzip your sweatshirt and hang it over the back of your chair. When Joel looks at you, you bring your hand to your shoulder and gently pull up on your bra strap, letting it snap your shoulder.

Joel shifts in his seat and clears his throat, “You warm or somethin’?”

“Yeah, it’s a little hot in here.”

“Mm,” Joel spins his now empty glass between his thumb and pointer finger. When he looks back at you, he flips the glass. You’ve pulled the top of your tank top down, your lacy bra and cleavage on full display. He tries to make two moves at once, catch the rolling glass and cover his crotch because he’s just gone erect.  “Cute. I would appreciate it if you’d knock that off now, I get the picture. S’real funny,” he mutters as he scrambles.

“What picture?” you ask innocently. 

“Oh, don’t you start. You know exactly what damn picture,” Joel snaps. “You figured it out. Got a certain fondness for ladies in lace. You feel clever or somethin’?” 

You really can’t bite back your smile this time, “Mhm.”

“You shouldn’t. You’re exploitin’ my vulnerabilities, takin’ cheap shots and–” Joel’s jaw drops as he watches you unbutton your jean shorts and show off your panties, the little bow at the center of them nicely on display. His look of shock quickly turns into a glare as you take off your tank top. “Like that, that’s playin’ dirty. Put your shirt back on and zip yourself back up. What the hell’s gotten into you?”

“I dunno,” you shrug. You really don’t. This is just as surprising to you as it is to Joel, but the look on his face tells you that you’re definitely having way more fun than he is. 

“God, you’re killin’ me,” he groans. The way you’re so cavalier about this all has Joel both flummoxed and irate. 

But you’re not this bold usually, not really. Joel must not have noticed the way your hands have been trembling, must not have heard your slightly shaky breaths. He’s been avoiding eye contact too much to notice you’ve been doing the same. “Why?”

“Why? Cause I’m only a man and you’re gettin’ me all worked up. You’re takin’ advantage of me and my biology,” Joel gestures angrily to his crotch. He’s not even bothering to hide it anymore - you’ve seen it all and know what you’ve done to him. “You proud?”

“You’re–”

“Yeah, I’m fuckin’ hard - been hard. Didn’t get to take care of myself ‘cause of the fuckin’ virus and here you are teasin’ and temptin’ me and��Hon, what’re you -” Joel’s angered expression turns to momentary confusion when you stand up, then turns to contentment when you straddle his lap. You press your core into his thick bulge, holding onto his shoulders for stability. “What are you doin’?” he sighs, his head falling backward.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “For teasing.”

“Yeah, so you say, princess.”

You grind yourself on his lap and when Joel brings his head forward to search for your eyes, he notices how your eyes flicker away from his. Like maybe you’re not as in control of this situation as you appear to be. 

“I am.”

“Mm,” Joel hums. You’re reaching between your bodies and fumbling with the button on his jeans. He sucks in his soft belly to unbutton them for you, wraps his strong hand around your wrist and brings your hand to his mouth. “Gimme this,” he mumbles, spitting into your hand before he shoves it under the waistband of his boxers. A pang of arousal floods your gut at the action.

You palm his warm, heavy cock, feeling him thicken in your hand, though he’s already so hard. You can feel his rigid member throb and ache as you work his shaft up and down, up and down, your knuckles brushing against his thatch of coarse curls and his tummy. It’s evident how much he’s needed this, what with the way his chest rises and falls with his heavy breaths, soft groans escaping his lips as he does so. 

Joel enjoys himself as you work him. “Fuck,” he whispers. You look down between your bodies to admire his member, the blushed, leaking tip and the thick and prominent veins. And he’s so smooth, his skin almost silky. You watch his blissed out face, contemplate kissing those pink, pouting lips of his. You’re gonna do it, bringing your face close to his. Brushing your lips ever so softly over his, Joel moves to kiss you fully when you pull back. His computer makes that signature Windows startup sound,

“I have to take care of that,” you murmur. You dismount Joel and he picks up where you leave off, stroking his own cock just like you were. He watches your nearly naked body with hooded eyes that flutter shut as you work, typing quietly on his keyboard. You set his username and password the same, make sure that things open as they should. For Joel’s own protection, you block [email protected]. 

“Finished?” Joel asks as you stand up from your seat in front of his computer. 

“Mhm,” you reply, gripping his shoulder with your hand as you bend over halfway to pick up your discarded top and kiss his cheek. “Have fun with your Victoria’s Secret girls, Joel.”

Your work here is done. You’ve fixed Joel’s computer and by the look on his face, broken his heart. “What are you doing?”

You smile, too proud of yourself as you begin to walk away. Before you can walk further, Joel stands up and reaches across the table, grabbing you by the forearm and forcing you onto your back. “You ain’t gettin’ away from me that easy, princess,” he says. “I still got somethin’ that needs fixed.” Joel displays strength but is as gentle as can be, though the cold, hard wood against your spine and your shoulder blades hurt you for a moment. Your eyes widen in shock, but it’s a welcome pain. “Knew you weren’t fuckin’ sorry,” Joel spits. Your head dangles off the edge of the table and Joel uses a hand to open your mouth, forcing two of his thick fingers inside. Instinctually, you curl your tongue around the digits, sucking and licking. You can taste his cock on his fingers from when he was pleasuring himself just moments ago.

Joel pumps himself in his hand for a second before guiding his thick head to your lips, pushing past them in one quick thrust, right to the back of your throat so you gag. He likes that noise. “I give you an inch,” he grunts, “And you take a mile.” You slide your tongue over those thick veins of his you’d previously traced with your fingertips. Joel draws out of your mouth slowly, allowing you to lick his weeping slit before pushing himself back in. ��It would’ve been courteous of you to keep my dirty secret to yourself, but you couldn’t even do that. Went an’ humiliated me instead, then you got the nerve to try ‘n leave me high and dry? I don’t think I deserve that.”

  Joel wants to fuck your mouth until your lips are raw and swollen, show you just what he thinks of your stunt. But he demonstrates self control, allows you to take him at your own pace and yet, you continue to tease. It’s like it’s innate or something, the way you continue to only give little by little, savoring the saltiness of his precome. He gives you one last warning, “You really should learn when to quit while you’re ahead, hon.”

You persist anyway. Wrong move. Joel fucks himself into your mouth with no regard for your comfort, taking what he needs from you. It’s sloppy and messy, his heavy balls bouncing off the tip of your nose. You wish you could see him, see the way he’d glare at you. He’s flipped like a switch, previously holding himself back from having his way with you like he wanted to. He’s taking it now. All the softness in him is gone, and you fucking love it. You reach forward, sliding your hand down your stomach, dipping it beneath your panties. You spread your legs wide and your fingers hover over your pussy, feeling that wet heat radiating from your core. Just as you let your fingers drop to touch your aching clit, you feel Joel lunge forward and pull your hand away. “Nuh-uh, not where I eat. Where are your manners, princess?” 

He fucks your mouth relentlessly, holding the sides of your head in his big hands. He watches the way your lace-covered tits bounce with his every thrust. He pushes himself deeper and deeper, ignoring your sputtering and choking on his cock. Your eyes prick with tears as your jaw begins to ache, really fucking ache. Joel doesn’t stop himself, and it’s not like he would if he knew you were crying like this. He fills the air with his own grunting and groaning, relishing in the warmth of your wet, soft mouth.

And then he’s done. No slowing to a standstill, just abruptly pulls out. You hear his heavy footsteps as he rounds the kitchen table, hooks his fingertips beneath the waistband of your shorts and pulls them down, pulls your hips close to his so your face is no longer dangling off the edge. He pulls your panties to the side, drags his thumb up and down your slick folds and it’s like the quiet before the storm. 

He notches himself in your entrance and pushes himself in, inch by inch by inch. Slowly, deliberately, so that you feel all of the stretching and aching he wants you to. “Joel,” you cry. “Fuck, Joel, please, I can’t–”

“You’ll get used to it,” he purrs. He leans over you as he fucks you slowly, holding your neck with his thumb on your jawbone while he kisses you to quiet you down, licking into your mouth and swirling his tongue around with yours. You whimper softly into his mouth with his every thrust, the pain not yet completely dissipated, but pleasurable in its own way. “Spread your legs. Wider.”

You open yourself up for him, allowing him to fuck himself deeper into you. You accept it all as he wraps your legs around his waist, your heels bouncing on his ass. The head of his cock kisses that sweet spot inside of you, pleasure beginning to take over your senses and you moan. “Fuck, Joel.”

“Feels good, don’t it? Maybe this whole virus fiasco was a blessing in disguise, darlin’,” Joel says, “Feels good f’me too.”

You cry out loudly when he puts your legs up on his shoulders, the new angle has him inside you even deeper than before. He sits you up a bit, putting your arms behind your back and pressing your palms down flat on the table with his own. 

He draws out of you and fills you up again, over and over and over. “Fuck, look at us,” he kisses your ankle a couple of times, “Look,” Joel looks down where your bodies meet and you join him, watching how his cock slides in and out of you, all wet and coated in your slick. Panties still pulled to the side, your skin is irritated where the fabric tugs and scratches at your skin. He maintains a quick rhythm, rolling his hips into yours. 

“Make me come, Joel, I want to come.”

“Oh, I’ve got no doubt you do. But maybe I’ll leave you high and dry like you were gonna do to me, see how you like it. What a waste that’d be, huh?” You whine at the threat and Joel smiles deviously, he likes having you at his mercy like this. All pathetic and begging for him to let you come undone. “You’re nothin’ but talk, aren’t you?”

“Make me come, please.”

“You’ll have to convince me,” he says. “You heard me, convince me. Better make it quick.”

Your brain is short-circuiting, you can’t even process what Joel said and begin to make your case. You feel him twitching, his hips stuttering and before you know it, he’s spilling into you. He paints your insides with his hot spend, milking himself entirely in your cunt and your disappointment is incalculable. Tears of frustration well up and threaten to spill down your cheeks. It was all fun and games before, but you suddenly feel so used and betrayed. You can’t say he didn’t warn you. 

“Ohh, I know,” he coos, wiping your eyes. “Bit off more than you could chew, didn’t you?”

You nod, sniffling quietly. 

“You can still convince me. I’m all ears, ya know.”

“How?”

“Well,” Joel says. He’s beginning to soften inside of you, and so he pulls out with a soft ‘fuck’, his spend spilling out of you and onto his table. “Can start with an ‘I’m sorry, Joel’. And I want a real one this time.”

“I’m sorry, Joel.”

“S’a good start. Wanna give me some more? Tell me why?”

“F-for teasing you and stuff.”

“For teasing me and stuff,” he repeats your words slowly. Joel pulls off his t-shirt and folds it tightly, places it at the end of the table and lowers your head onto it. “You’re lucky you’re pretty.”

Joel kneels before you and wraps his arms around your thighs. He presses a kiss over your cloth-covered core, feeling the dampness of your arousal and his spend on his lips. He spreads your legs wide, exposing your wet cunt for him, lips all swollen and ribbons of his spend clinging to your folds. He admires the thick curls framing your pussy, “I gotcha,” he whispers. “C’mere.”

You gasp when Joel finally, finally begins to explore you, his tongue parting open your folds. He pulls back and pushes one, then two fingers inside you, humming in satisfaction at the way you suck him in, so eager and needy for his touch. He curls his fingers inside of you slowly, watching how you react to his touch. You twitch and jerk as you try to keep yourself still. 

“Oh, Joel,” you moan as he laps at your cunt, feeling that warm, sticky feeling flow through your hips. His mouth and fingers work together to bring you closer to your edge, humming as he rhythmically strokes that sweet spot inside of you. His tongue is so hot, wet, and firm as he drags it up and down your sex, circling your clit with the muscle. “Mmm, fuck. Oh, god.”

Joel doesn’t know what’s more satisfying, the sweet taste of this most private place between your thighs or the sounds of your pleasure as he eats you. He devours you voraciously, sucking one fold and nipping at the other as he curls his fingers, never faltering in their movements. With his free hand that’s not teasing your pussy, he reaches around and pulls the hood of your clit back to suck and lick the sensitive bud. His dark, slightly graying and wiry stubble drags across the skin of your inner thighs, scratching you gently. It’s building up quickly, that familiar feeling deep in your spine.

“I’m–” a moan rips through your chest and interrupts you, “Fuck, I’m–”

“I know, hon,” he whispers, escalating his efforts. He sucks, licks, and curls his fingers harder, feeling the slow build of you beginning to come apart for him. You come on his lips and spill into his hand as Joel works you through your orgasm. You’re a gushing, moaning mess, your hands fly to his scalp and you tug on his soft curls when he licks a stripe up the seam of your cunt. And then another, slower. Another yet, even slower. 

You expect him to pull away from your center with a satisfied grin, his mustache and beard dampened by your slick. But he stays put, licking more long stripes up and down your pussy. Your thighs twitch and flutter uncontrollably and Joel holds you apart for him as he continues to tease, circling the tip of his perfect, aquiline nose around your clit. 

“Too much, it’s too much,” you cry. 

“Mhm. But you got one more in you, I know you do.”

“Joel–” 

You think you might break. You’re not sure where you feel Joel’s tongue, you just feel him fucking everywhere. You don’t know where your orgasm begins and ends, just that by the time Joel decides you’re done, you’re in sweet agony and he luxuriates in the taste of your second release. He’s made such a pretty mess of you. He presses one last kiss to your core, “Yeah, that was a good one, wasn’t it?”

Joel pulls away from your center, wiping his lips on your thighs. His cheeks are flushed and his dark eyes sparkle. He lets you catch your breath as he fills a glass of water for you and brings it to your lips helping you to drink as your hands are still trembling from it all. 

When the moment passes, you gather your clothes. You pull on your tank top and put your shorts back on. “Oh,” you say. 

“Hm?”

“I blocked Tommy’s email, just so you know. He’s trouble.”

Joel chuckles. “You, my darlin’, are trouble. But that’s probably for the best, thank you for fixin’ my computer again.” 

“It’s no problem,” you reply. 

“Oh–” Joel grabs something from his stack of mail on his countertop and hands it to you. It’s some Victoria’s Secret coupons.“This was addressed to you. Ended up in my mail. Fuckin’ mail guy.”

You giggle quietly, what a curmudgeon he is. “Actually, I think you need it more than I do. You can beat off to your angels in analog,” you tease.

Joel rolls his eyes. “You just don’t learn, do you?” he says, taking the coupons back from you. “And actually, think I will hang on to this. Maybe I’ll even buy you somethin’ pretty an’ we can do this again soon.”

If you enjoyed, please reblog, comment, send me an ask, just tell me something nice <3 your words keep me motivated to write.

#strang3lov3 #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #pedro pascal #joel miller x you #joel miller #the last of us #the last of us hbo #joel x reader #joel the last of us #grumpy joel #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal smut

[pbueckerslover]

hiii i was wondering if you could do kate martin gf head canons? <3

kate martin gf head canons ⋆｡‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧｡⋆

pairing(s): kate martin x female!reader

warnings: kissing, slightly suggestive, fluff

-loves showing you off like seriously she just wants everyone to know you’re hers

-you’re always front row at her games

-very touchy and her fav thing to do is rub her hand on your thigh

-definitely a switch idc.

-always needs kisses like she doesn’t care where you guys are she will constantly be sneaking kisses every now and then

-jealous!!! even when a girl simply smiles at you or tries to talk to you when you guys are out she’s so protective and will make you guys leave early

-loves showering with you and will insist to wash your hair and body for you

-loves to kiss you everywhere (neck, cheeks, forehead, arms, thighs, stomach, etc.)

-you’re both so supportive of each other and would literally do anything for the other

-constant facetimes/texting when the two of you aren’t together

-takes sooo many pics of you like it’s insane and she’ll always be posting you

-big spoon but loves being little spoon occasionally because she just loves being in your arms

-takes you out as much as she can and will spoil you to death

-she looooves pet names (baby, babe, pretty girl, princess, angel)

-you’re always her passenger princess and she’ll let you control aux, get you snacks and holds your leg while she drives

-always staring at you when you’re not looking especially in public when she can’t be right next to you

-goes all out for birthdays/anniversaries and always wants everything to be perfect for you

-loves holding hands/hugs

-always telling you how beautiful/pretty you look and will hype you up constantly

⇾ be sure to checkout my masterlist if you enjoyed!

⇾ i hope you enjoy!!! i love kate sm she’s sooo gf i really need to start writing more for her! i love y’all :,)))

#kate martin #kate martin headcannons #kate martin x reader #kate martin fanfic #kate martin x y/n #kate martin fluff #kate martin smut #kate martin imagine #las vegas aces #lv aces #iowa wbb #pbueckerslover #wlw #lgbtq

[liyahin4k]

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

(𝐁𝐖𝐖𝐖)

(𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐗 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑)

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: Emily and reader dose and interview and things get a little romantic 🤭

You were getting make up done in your assigned room when Emily came in ready to start the interview “you looke beautiful” she softly smiled sitting in the chair next to you. You looked away blushing and giggling,finishing your makeup your makeup artist left leaving you too alone.

“You sure about this” you asked talking her hand in yours “yeah..you” she mumbled bringing your hand the her lips leaving soft kissing on it. You nodded with a soft smile,this was the first interview you two were doing since y’all made your relationship public.

“Today we are here with Emily engstler and her beautiful girlfriend y/n” amber your interviewer smiled. You smiled at her comment,so I’m here just to ask some questions that ‘EVERYONE, wants to know” amber softly laughed.

You both laughed with her as she started “who fell first” she asked “Emily” you answered smiling at her “who fell harder” amber smirked “Emily” you laughed. “Well of course im madly in love with her,but it’s like she falls harder and harder everyday”you softly answered smiling at Emily holding her hand.

“Is that true” Amber asked Emily “very” Emily answered not taking her eyes off of you “well there’s a lot of love in this room” Amber laughed you too laughed with her blushing, “but some other thing that everyone has noticed is that gigantic rock on your finger” Amber smirked.

“Well it’s not a wedding ring” You nervously laughed “yet” Emily cut in smirking at you you paused and looked at her blushing “so you do see yourself getting married one day” Amber asked “hell yeah,one day” Emily chuckled. “And how dose that make you feel y/n” amber looked at you “um im a little bit nervous but ready at the same time,but I do know that we will be in it together” you softly smiled looking back to Emily.

“We’re do you see your relationship in 5 years” Amber smiled seeing the love in your twos eyes “married of course..and maybe some kids in the picture” Emily answered looking at you “how many”you asked a little shocked “three,two boys and a girl” Emily nervously smiled “why two boys” you asked.

“So that our little girl can have two protectors by her side if we’re not here” Emily answered seriously “ok” you nodded “so that’s a yes for kid” Amber asked you “yeah” you sighed with a smile.

“Well that all we have today,thank you both” Amber smiled shaking your hands and saying goodbyes.

Bye the next morning everyone was talking about the interview,the love you too have,and the future you guys may have.

I might do another one but with Paige 👀

#black reader #tumblr fyp #viral #emily engstler x reader #emily engstler

[seeingivy]

obsessed

actor!sukuna x f!reader

**part of my dream girl fic

songs mentioned: bad blood by taylor swift and obsessed by olivia rodrigo (the performance mentioned in the chapter is based on the performance that olivia rodrigo does on the guts tour - linked here)

--

ryomen sukuna is a calculating man. 

cunning, conniving, contriving – they’re all words that sukuna’s had thrown in his face throughout the six years of his acting career, each and every time he steps forward and leaves people behind to rise to the top. 

and they’re not words that aren’t true. 

when sukuna was sixteen, he was playing hooky on the streets of los angeles instead of attending his statistics class. it was something he did often – bending rules, running around – when it felt like too many things were rattling in his head. 

sometimes it was the only thing that made his heart feel like it was still beating in his chest. and it didn’t really matter, because it wasn’t like anyone took him too seriously anyways. 

with an impending eviction notice, a sub-par report card, and teetering the edge of being fired from the coffee shop that he worked at, it was hard for anyone to do that anyways. sukuna wasn’t exactly as pure as his brothers. 

his eldest brother choso was the epitome of perfection. kind, intelligent, and brave – it was clear to sukuna that choso had a very strong bearing on what life was meant to be like, that he had a vision for himself that he was seeing through. though he supposed that spending five years in foster care before he joined his family would do that to someone. 

and his youngest brother yuuji was the embodiment of everything warm. funny, good looking, and compassionate – sometimes it made his stomach turn over how unbelievingly good he was. though sukuna figured that some people just had that in them – goodness that was innate. 

and it was glaringly obvious to him that sukuna was nothing like them. rough around the edges, harsh, and opinionated – it almost felt like he wasn’t even related to them. and the worst part? 

they’d spent their entire life trying to convince him otherwise. 

it was bright and loud, a sticky california day, that he found himself skating through the cracked pavement before he was stopped, by a twenty-five year old woman. 

there was nothing really special about her. a boring gray pencil skirt, an uptight hair do – but the flyer that she handed him was really quite the opposite. because it was a glimmering offer, to be scouted by an acting agency. 

the shiny numbers promised at the bottom – the three zeros that followed the one with the sign-on bonus had him running to the warehouse – because they were so promising. 

because sukuna couldn’t do many things right, but he could fix things by making himself useful. he couldn’t be soft, but he could be their salvation. bringing some money in so choso wouldn’t have to take out so many loans, so yuuji didn’t have to recycle his tux for his first homecoming. 

it was a done deal. 

and with one lick of how things worked, sukuna knew that he had found something that he would be great at. because while acting was an art, the industry that you had to survive in to do it was something entirely different. 

competition, rivalry, and struggle – it wasn’t anything he was a stranger to. in fact, he excelled at it. it was all too easy and before he knew it, he was quickly climbing ladders, picking who he knew and who he didn’t, and who he should have been associated with. 

and after two years, at eighteen, he was sniffing out the best of the best, batting eyelashes and flashing smiles to get what he wanted. 

and while he was calculated, it didn’t mean that he always counted right. a controversial relationship, a drug scandal, and as of late, what might have been the most vicious barking dog disguised as a barbie he’s ever seen. 

kim lynch is the icy kind of beautiful. the daughter of two high industry tycoons, a half-decent singer-songwriter, who had tons of connections. an almost synthetic smile, hollow laughs, and a wall so high sukuna figured he’d die if he ever tried to climb it. 

he figured it was a good idea. and for a few months, it was. because the after parties, the partnerships, and the people – it was a leg up that he couldn’t buy or charm his way into. but like most things were with him, all good things came to an end. 

because while sukuna was great, his overarching hunch that girls like kim ran for the shiniest thing in close proximity was all but confirmed when she seemingly ended things on a sour note – claiming that there was something too…unfixable about him that she just couldn’t get past. 

and knowing her, she was about to start the biggest slander campaign known to man. 

“this isn’t good, sukuna.” marjorie states. 

“i’m well aware, marj.” sukuna responds. 

“then why did you do it? because i specifically asked you not to. you had to get your dick wet that bad?” 

sukuna scoffs. 

marjorie simmons was sukuna’s manager, having taken her rightful spot after he broke up with his previous manager, the original woman who scouted him when he was sixteen. 

and at odd times, marj reminded him an awful lot of his sister-in-law, yuki, only because she always seemed to have some string of choice words for him every time he acted like an idiot. 

it was one of the only reasons that he kept her around. the familiarity, that was almost nowhere to be found in the overwhelming plasticity of the industry, was comforting. 

“i thought it would be a good idea.” sukuna states. 

“you should leave the thinking to me, idiot.” marjorie states, using her fingertips to massage at her temples. 

sukuna crackles his knuckles, leaning forward to pinch the bridge of his nose, before reaching for marj’s hands, and pulling her down onto the couch next to him. 

“marj, you know what this means to me.” sukuna murmurs. 

“sukuna, i literally warned you.” she whines. 

“i know, marj. but there’s so much riding on this. i’ll literally do anything you tell me to. i promise.” sukuna begs. 

in a very challenging game of moves and countermoves, sukuna found himself – by some turn of luck – and his little brother yuuji as the leads in a new show, being spearheaded by an a-list producing company. and if he tried his very best, it would solidify him as an a-lister himself, and set his parents and choso up for life. 

the only problem? the bad pr could tank the numbers for the show. he knew well enough that that lynch’s had generational pull – fans that would blindly follow anything and everything they did. 

and he watches as marj sighs, flipping through her papers, before slamming her fists on the table. 

“you desperately need good pr, sukuna. that’s the only type of thing that could combat something like this.” 

sukuna sighs. 

“the press for jujustu kaisen is just about to start rolling out.” sukuna offers. 

marj shakes her head. 

“that’s not enough. you need a way to bite back, but not directly. because anything you say or do can easily be perceived negatively. you…need a way to have someone else do it on your behalf.” 

sukuna looks at her eyes, steel gray and a deep inclination that the gears are turning in her head, as he waits for her response. 

“the worst case scenario is that kim writes a bunch of shitty songs about you that ruin your reputation. if it’s bad enough, it’ll tank the ratings of the show, at least by a sizeable dent, due to how big her following is.” she states. 

“we can’t have that happening.” 

marj sighs. 

“you need to bite back with equally loyal support.” 

sukuna pinches his lips into a line. 

“my fans don’t exactly do that. they just…call me hot and call it a day.” 

“i’m well aware.” 

he watches as she taps her manicured fingers on the top of the glass table, the sound pricking at his ears before she stops and looks up at him, the slightest smudges of her mascara accumulating underneath her eyes. 

“you’ll do anything?” she asks. 

“anything, marj. this has to work.” 

marj swallows hard, before crossing her arms over her chest. 

“you need to find another girlfriend.” marj states, 

“what?” 

“ideally, a pr girlfriend. someone who has the same motives as you, that has something in it for her the same way you do.” 

sukuna sighs. 

“and that helps me how?” 

“if you’re able to get one of these…pop princesses to help you, their fanbase will bite back for you. and a few lovey dovey songs here and there will definitely help.” 

sukuna groans. 

“that sounds –” 

“you said you’d do anything, sukuna. and i know you’re smart enough to know this – this is all about moves and countermoves. you’re only going to be able to drown out the bad, if you have good on the other side too.” 

sukuna sighs. only because he knows that marj is right. 

“okay, i’ll try.” 

“i’ll see what i can do to help, ‘kuna. see you on friday, alright?” 

he gives her a nod, sinking down into the soft plush pillows of her office, as the clicking sound of her heels fade into the distance. 

--

on thursday night, marj secures him two tickets to studio eleven’s start of the season charity event. 

at the end of each awards cycle, in partnership with the other recording studios in los angeles, studio eleven hosts a charity event for the local los angeles community. a night of fundraising, networking, and music – with every relevant singer-songwriter in attendance. 

sukuna had attended last year with kim. he found it awfully stiff, only because she was so drunk by the end of her set that her filter was gone – and he heard what were probably the most god awful and tone deaf things he couldn’t even imagine a real person would actually say. 

but this year, it was the one place he wanted to be. because it was the perfect place for him to pick his poison. 

“sukuna.” yuuji whispers. 

“what?” 

“fushiguro is here.” yuuji whispers back, the excitement entirely giving his way. 

although yuuji refuses to admit it, he has the most god awful crush on his new co-star, fushiguro megumi. one that sukuna had been speculating was returned by the stoically quiet grump. 

sukuna wouldn’t admit it, but the irritated guise he put up was just that – a guise. he deeply appreciated getting to see his brother be so giddy, even if it was about that weirdo.  

“you should go talk to him. and stop irritating me.” sukuna states. 

“do i look fine?” yuuji asks, gesturing to his air and readjusting the collar of his shirt, his eyes expectant as he waits for an answer. 

“you look fine, miss universe. just go over there.” sukuna grumbles. 

two hours later, he almost wished that he had begged yuuji to say. only because the prospects that he was considering were dwindling down to nothing after each consecutive set. because each girl either didn’t have a big enough following, already had a guard dog of a girlfriend like historia reiss, or were way too buddy-buddy with kim to even consider his proposition. 

“our next set is featuring kim lynch, with musical guest jake nicholson on guitar, from real sun studios!” 

sukuna can feel the irritation flare up in him as he watches kim walk across the stage – the synthetic smile on her lips as the lights flash in an almost blinding manner – and her irritatingly piercing voice fills the little club. 

'Cause baby, now we got bad blood You know it used to be mad love So take a look what you've done 'Cause baby, now we got bad blood (hey!)

Now we got problems And I don't think we can solve 'em You made a really deep cut And baby, now we got bad blood (hey!)

“i’d be shitting my pants if i were y/n right now.” 

sukuna tunes into the conversation on his left, two girls in billowing silver and gold dresses, in an attempt to tune out the damage that kim was currently doing to his ear drums...and his brain cells. 

“that’s not about y/n.” 

“that’s jake, sarah. y/n’s ex-boyfriend. apparently they just broke up because y/n was horribly jealous of aimee since jake used to have a crush on her back in the day.” 

“really?” 

“yeah. I saw it on twitter. she was like obsessed with her, she wouldn’t stop bringing aimee up until he eventually got annoyed by how insecure she was and broke up with her.” 

“oh god. well, this doesn’t exactly help matters. and she’s going on next too.” 

“look, she’s over there! she doesn’t look bothered at all!” 

and he follows their line of vision to the right, only to see what must be you standing in the tent in between megumi and yuuji, downing an entire glass of pink wine before shoving it in megumi’s free hand and walking off. 

Oh, it's so sad to think about the good times You and I

'Cause baby, now we got bad blood You know it used to be mad love So take a look what you've done 'Cause baby, now we got bad blood (hey!)

sukuna’s curiosity is piqued as he watches the tool on the left, jake, and kim hug it out, before they strut off the stage. and really – is more interested to see whatever it was that you were going to do – now that you had to be some type of buzzed. 

marj told him to find someone that would have their interests aligned with his. and if the blood was as bad as kim was letting on, he might have just found his perfect match. 

“ryomen sukuna.” 

sukuna turns to his left to find the devil of the hour, kim, standing at his side and fights the urge to gag. because while she was one of his better girlfriends, he supposes, the current issues that she was creating – with everything that was at stake – was filling him with the rage of the burning sun. 

“hi kim.” 

“i’d watch your back if i were you.” 

there was always something slimy about the way that she talked. the way the words seemed to whistle out of her perfectly white teeth – he had always found it unsettling. even more so, when she had a penchant to be as intimidating as she was trying to be right now. 

the booming speakers cut him off before he could bite back. 

“our next set is featuring our resident new york native, y/n l/n from dancing lady studios, with her new song obsessed!” 

the back screen flashes red lights, as he watches you walk onto the stage in a bright red bodysuit and shiny star tights, giving a bright and full smile to the cheers that seem to erupt from everyone in the audience. 

sukuna’s able to ogle in the full light this time. at the tiny needled tattoos on your arms, the shimmering glitter spread over your collarbone, and your glimmering eyes. 

and immediately feels his heart race as your sweet smile turns into an almost sneaky grin, as the backtrack starts playing. 

La-da-da-da, da-da-da, la-da-da-da-da La-da-da-da, da-da-da

If I told you how much I think about her You'd think I was in love And if you knew how much I looked at her pictures You would think we're best friends

'Cause I know her star sign, I know her blood type I've seen every movie she's been in and, oh god, she's beautiful And I know you loved her, and I know I'm butthurt But I can't help it, no, I can't help it

I'm so obsessed with your ex (uh-huh) I know she's been asleep on my side of your bed And I can feel it I'm starin' at her like I wanna get hurt And I remember every detail you have ever told me So be careful, baby

it’s an embarrassingly hot feeling that he gets, that pools in his stomach. and really, the hot feeling only gets worse as he watches you crawl onto the stage, now singing into a camera that seems to be embedded in the stage, as he can only watch – wholly mesmerized. 

he’s no stranger to pretty girls, but he’s never seen someone so eye-catching like you. only – that and the fact that you seem to have some deep guts, to bite back at aimee and kim with no fear. 

it fills sukuna with the worst kind of excitement. 

She's got those lips, she's got those hips The life of every fuckin' party She's talented, she's good with kids She even speaks kindly about me, ha-huh

And I know you love me, and I know it's crazy But every time you call my name, I think you mistake me for her You both have moved on, you don't even talk But I can't help it, I got issues, I can't help it, baby

“fucking bitch.” 

sukuna’s broken out of his intense entrance, only to find kim and now her sister aimee at his side fuming. and the two of them are so quick with it – typing away on their phones, as he slowly connects the dots about what’s happening. 

Is she friends with your friends? Does she give great head?  Do you think about her? No, I'm fine, it doesn't matter, tell me Is she easy-going? Never controlling? Well-traveled? Well-read? Oh god, she makes me so upset

I'm so obsessed with your ex (ah) She's been asleep on my side in your bed (ah, whoa) I'm so obsessed with your ex (god, she makes me so upset, ah) I'm so obsessed with your, with your ex

and he watches as you blow one last kiss to the audience, to what. might be the most deafening aplause he's ever heard, before skipping back off from where you came from. 

and sukuna knows deep down that he’s found his dream girl - and now he just has to get her.

--

“y/n?” 

you look to your right to find someone towering over you – soft cotton candy pink hair and hazel brown eyes. 

“that would be me.” you respond. 

he extends his hand out, as you note the doll silver rings across his knuckles and shakes. the grasp is firm, but his hands are cold as he gives you a smile. 

“i’m ryomen sukuna.” 

megumi’s co-star. 

“right. it’s nice to meet you.” you respond, dropping your hand and lifting the glass of pink wine to your lips. 

“i saw you talking to megumi earlier. are you friends?” 

you pause. 

“you could say that.” you respond. 

sukuna grins. he’s found his in. 

“we go way back.” sukuna states. 

you swallow down the warmth of the wine, before turning looking up properly this time, to inspect him in full. 

the first thing that you notice is how tall he is – only because he seems to be towering over you, so much so that he has to arch his entire neck down to look at you. he has tattoos – black ink that you can’t entirely make out creeping across his arms and his neck – his entire look almost perfectly edgy with the three earrings that dangle from his earlobe. 

he smells like mint, which is shocking given how the smell of sweat seems to be hanging and lingering in the air here, and you can’t really pinpoint what it is that’s brewing in his eyes, but there’s one thing that you know for sure. 

that he’s a liar. 

“that’s sweet. when did you meet him?” you ask. 

“in elementary school. he’s always been the quiet type.” 

you smile. he took the bait.  

“he seems like the type.” you respond. 

“speaking of types, what’s yours?” 

he’s awfully forward. though you suppose for someone as attractive as him, this type of thing must work all the time. 

“why do you ask?” 

sukuna leans forward, his hands making your skin prickle as he rests them against your bicep, only to lean forward and whisper in your ear. 

“you’re a smart girl. i know you can figure it out, sweetheart.” 

you lean back, crossing your arms over your chest as you swirl the pink wine in your glass. and figure that if he was going to try this blatantly to lie to you – you might as well milk an idiot like this for all that it’s worth. 

“i’ll give it a shot.” you respond, giving him a wink that seems to excite him way too much.. 

sukuna grins and you note that he has dimples – on both sides. 

“atta girl.” he responds. 

“your name is ryomen sukuna. you’re an up and coming actor, with a decent amount of credits, who just got signed onto mappa’s new show, as the lead with your brother, itadori yuuji. you’ve gotten far in the industry – all on your own merit, of course – by using charm and wit to make connections, along with what i hear is some pretty decent acting.. and while you’ve done mostly well, you’ve made some questionable company as of late, with two vixens who i can’t seem to get away from. and now that you’ve ended up on their bad side, like everyone inevitably does, you’re trying to see if i’ll help you bring them down, by trying to charm me by lying.” you state. 

you watch as his eyes widen, before he leans back, his cheeks the slightest shade of pink as he swallows hard. and you give him your sincerest smile before pulling out your phone and digging for the photo in your favorites. 

of you and megumi in grade school, standing hand in hand. 

“i think i’d remember if the human version of pinkie pie from my little pony was running around my middle school.” you state. 

and shockingly enough, he only gives you a smile in response – like he’s almost delighted by the fact that you’ve just read him to filth – as he sticks his tongue in the side of his cheek and makes a clicking sound. 

“got me all figured out, don’t you dollface?” 

“you’re painfully obvious, like most men. i’ll see you around, sukuna.” you respond, as you turn on your heel to walk away. 

but he’s almost too fast with it, slithering his hand down from your elbow to your wrist, pulling slightly to beckon you to turn back. and he gives you an…a more earnest smile this time as he raises your knuckles to his lips, and leaves a kiss in between the pointer in the middle. 

“that’s a promise, sweetheart.” 

--

after seven phone calls, filled with his most incessant begging, sukuna’s plan is set in motion. 

as he now has exclusive passes to attending your npr tiny desk performance in two days. 

“you know, this wasn’t exactly the vibe i had in mind. she’s kind of a wildcard.” marj mumbles. 

sukuna turns on his heel, before giving marj a smile, one that he can tell that she doesn’t like in the slightest. 

“and that’s why she’s perfect.”

--

an: actor sukuna welcome to the ronnie verse....

(i'm opening a taglist specific for this fic lmk if you would like to be added <3)

taglist: @porridgesblog @k0z3me @sugu-love @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @skzismyhome @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @shotenvinsoot @itzmeme @gojoswifeyyys-world @cutiejg @chilichopsticks @timmytimmytuckyy @dreamxiing @mamamamamarga @skunabby @meisque @hoseokslefteyebrow

#seeingivy taglists! #dream girl #sukuna #sukuna x you #sukuna x reader #sukuna x y/n #sukuna fluff #sukuna angst #ryomen sukuna #ryomen sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x y/n #ryomen sukuna fluff #ryomen sukuna angst #ryomen #ryomen x reader #ryomen x you #ryomen x y/n #ryomen fluff #ryomen angst #sukuna ryomen #sukuna ryomen x you #sukuna ryomen x reader #sukuna ryomen x y/n #sukuna ryomen fluff #sukuna ryomen angst #jjk #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n #jjk fluff

[q-starhalo]

I LIED, THIS IS MY LAST IMPORTANT LETTER TO YOU AT THE MOMENT:

No but it's seriously has been such an honor liveblogging Bad on the qsmp and I'm so glad I took the chance to do so when I was thinking about whether or not to post about him here <3 While I can't say when I started posting more on my account, I can say that I'm so glad it was this community and Bad that inspired me to do so and I will forever be thankful for that <3

And I also have to say that I was glad that I took part in our little road trip to Purgatory that day and joined the bus discord since I've met so many more people even if I didn't talk there for 2 months after it opened ^^"

And now onto my favorite people (which is just all of you guys but I can only remember so many users o(-()

@alchemicaladarna You have been such a nice person to see in my notes and in my feed <3 While we don't speak much, you're a really sweet person and I'm glad I got to meet you

@anth4rax You are one of the fastest people I've met when it came to liking posts. And while you can be a tad chaotic, you're always a welcoming presence in my notes and in the bus <3 I'm really glad I've gotten to speak to you and be your friend <33

@azure-wing While I believe we don't speak much, it's always a pleasure seeing you hanging out in the bus and notifying others who's live <3

@badanddapper You posting Bad and Dapper clips have always made my day <3 Thank you <333

@baginamybeloved NIKOLA <3333 Siempre es un placer hablar contigo en español or in english and figure out if something is just a my country thing or not xD And even then, it's just a pleasure talking to you and I'm glad we've met <3333

@bixxibee Bixx!!! <3 I'm always happy to see you around and speak to you <33 You're a really nice person and I'm glad I got the chance to meet you <33

@boytoyhalo SIREN!! <3 While I think we've barely spoken, I'm always happy to see you around <33

@celluzu I don't think we've spoken before but I'm grateful for the Bad and Dapper you drew for me during the Trick or Treat on Tumblr <33

@creechurrr CREECHURRRRRRRRRR <33333333333 AUGH I LOVE WHENEVER YOU COME INTO MY ASKS YOU'RE MIND IS SO BEAUTIFUL YOU ALWAYS GET ME AND YOUR FICS ARE AMAZING <33333 AND YOU'RE SO KIND AND I'M SO GLAD I GOT TO MEET YOU <3333

@dappersautismcreature While we don't speak much, I love seeing you here and there and I loved your starhalo au's <3333 OH AND THE UM UM I FORGET WHAT IT'S CALLED BUT THE GRIM REAPER FIC ONE WAS SO GOOD <33333

@disfrutalakia Kia!!! You've always been my go-to blog for the Brazilians and Bagina and I'm so glad I got to meet you <3

@etoilesmoon One of the many people who understand me when it comes to starhalo 🤝 Hope I get to speak to you more <3

@gnostie GHOST!!! While we've only started speaking more recently, I'm so glad Mizu directed me to you when it came to clowns and just cute stuff in general <3 Ha sido un placer de conocerte <33333

@hgduo YOU GET ME. YOU F★CKING GET ME. (Also you're very cool. Tons of love to you <3)

@islayuri YOU'RE SO TALENTED OH MY GOD YOU'RE ART MAKES ME WANT TO EXPLODE <33333

@kadextra KADE. KADE. YOU'RE ART AND YOUR THEORIES AND THE BLACK SIGN STUFF. <3333333 And not only that, but you're such a sweet and talented person <333 Sending you lots of love <3333

@kaijuparfait PARFAIT!!! <333 It's been a pleasure talking to you about starhalo in the past and now more recently hearing (or more so reading) about Godzilla and how it fits Bad <33 Glad I met you <33333

@karoo-o LOVE YOUR ART AND IT WAS AN HONOR MAKING A PLAYLIST FOR YOU DURING THE VALENTINE EXCHANGE <3333

@kays-artstuff Even if you don't do much qsmp art, I'm always so glad to see you in my notes and I love seeing your art, it's so 💥💥💥💥💥

@l3m-n LEM!! While I rarely see you now, it was a pleasure talking to you here and there <33

@little-soldiers We've spoken here and there but you were such an inspiration for me to write out a little fic and I still hold on to that encouragement whenever I want to write something but don't think it'll be well <333 Thank you <3333

@lunaeclipse1057-ao3 LUNAAAAAAAAAA <3333333 While I've already said this, you're genuinely a sweet person even if we've barely spoken and I hope I still see you around <33333333

@lxrd-ren While I don't think you open Tumblr anymore, I just want you to know that you were and always will be the best bus buddy ever <33

@mizuski-broken MIZUUUUUUUUUU OH GOD WHERE DO I BEGIN?????? You always get me when it comes to the paranormal and you're just such a nice person to be around with <3333 I'm so glad I got to meet you and consider you a friend of mine <33333333

@muffinclutch Love seeing you in my notes <333 Hope to see you around <3333

@qsmprambling Always glad to see you around <3333

@starscollide0 YOU'RE ART IS SO 💥💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥💥💥💥 And you're also such a nice person <3333 I hope to see you around <3333333333

@tubborucho LISS!! I'm always happy to see you around and you're truly the go to soulfire/tubhalo person <3 Lots of love to you <333333

@ultra-raging-ghost Ghost!!! It's always such a pleasure seeing you out and about whether it be you drawing or talking about mainly ayhalo and cucuhalo to in my notes, I'm always glad to see you <333 Hope to talk to you more <333333

And of course to many others like the people in my notes (@toxic-foolhalo-yuri, @j3ssicaangel, @fl10werc4t, @kayleighthekoala, @starriknight, @mystifiedmystery, @nightlight26, etc.) and everyone on the bus like Theo, Zero, Brubs, Zunto, March, Tannin, Des, Nico, and so so many others!!!! <3 Thank you again for this wonderful experience and trust me when I say, I will always be here <3333

- Yours truly, Star ★

#Thought I'd do one while we're at it cause why not #I feel like the shorter messages seem like I don't care much BUT I DO TRUST ME I THINK YOU'RE REALLY COOL #anyways love you guys <333 I'll see you when Bad goes live <3333 #qsmp #qsmpblr

[elvhensinner]

Fuck Around & Find Out

Kwon Eunbi smut 4.2k words Tags: Honeymoon sex, (Just got) Married, "Soft" & "Wholesome", Roleplay, Musk, Bondage, Very thick Eunbi T/W: Noncon, R A P E, Mindbreak A/N: I had a hard time proofreading this so pardon some doodoos and lack of eloquence at some parts ✌️

"Hey there, hubby." Eunbi squeals at that last bit, unable to contain herself as she welcoms you to the honeymoon suite. You linger at the full smile she had on before your eyes devour tonight's entrée.

You think back to all the pictures you have of her. You can't imagine any one of them topping your view tonight; Kwon Eunbi in her wedding lingerie.

A fine white mesh barely obstructs the sight of her legs.

A garter belt that connects her girdle to her thigh highs.

The thinnest of lace straps holding up her lace bra.

Asides from 'wedding night', you detect a theme for her attire: 'Clothes so tight that she's popping out', evident from plump parts of her body constricted here and there, practically eating the straps enveloped by the pudge of her body.

'Dummy thicc' worthy of the name. You couldn't wait to rip off what little clothes she had.

Tonight truly was a magical night, for besides finally getting married, tonight of all nights was when she finally decided to succumb to your bondage kink.

“Nnngghhhh” Eunbi whines, snapping you out of your trance. Squirms, even, probably from the lack of action on your part. “Hubby, I don’t know if I could hold this pose any longer without combusting.” There it is, her fluffy demeanor that contrasted her dynamite body. You remember why this is the first time she's agreed to this. Her legs attempt to cover her crotch area, but all it does is tighten the ropes around her shins.

“Seriously, I’m dying of embarrassment here. M-maybe you can take a picture so it could last longer.”

You take out your phone and fill the silent room with the sound of camera shutters. All angles of her beauty splayed out were yours to capture.

Once you leaned in closer. Your nose was immediately enchanted with her fragrance. Probably lotion. So elegant and warm. Almond shea body butter, if you remember correctly. Probably even applied a little extra, judging by the sheen of her skin. You get carried away and produce an audible sniff, making her giggle.

You've had enough. Her scent was the final nail in the coffin. The heat in your loins dictate your movement. In A Flash, your monkey suit drops to the ground.

“Are you ready to start, hubby?” she didn't need to ask twice. With just your boxers covering you, you bring your knees up to the bed and inch your way between her legs.

Your raging hog was already aligned to her crotch area, ready to rip off all the fabric in between should it need to, until she interrupts you with a clear of her throat.

“O-oh you must be the plumber… M-Mister plumber, could you give me a hand?” She pled with such a submissive, squeaky voice, stopping you in your tracks.

You were fully aware of her roleplaying kink, but you didn't think she'd bust that out tonight. 'Happy wife happy life', you thought, getting off the bed so you could reach her side to indulge in her fiction.

“Woah, what's happening here?” You said with a distorted, indistinguishable voice. Her nose flared, probably due to the comedic pitch you chose.

Getting her bearings back, Eunbi gets back in character "Well.. you scared my boyfriend... he thought you were my dad so he fled."

"Mmhm... and he's the one who tied you up?

"Yeah, b-but only 'cause we were trying something out... Could you help untie me?" she said in the tiniest, cutest voice. Even roleplaying she cant help but be all soft.

"Sure, sure" you said, as your fingers finagle the rope securing her arm.

"He's a lucky fella for you to agree to this." Once you’ve had your fill of hearing her whimpers and her small voice thanking you for untying her, your hands abandon its play pretend and lightly touching her arm. Tracing her wrist down to her arm. This made Eunbi twitch in 'shock'.

"Well it seems like your boyfriend's not coming anytime soon, so maybe I could replace him-"

"No please." She says in panic "I just really need to be untied."

"Mmhm sure you do" Your hands travel to her exposed tummy and rub her mid section sensually, making Eunbi bend her body to avoid the plumber’s curious hands.

“S-sir… could you please just focus on untying me?”

You filter out her words, too busy with groping the glory of a tied up Kwon Eunbi. You decide to tease her main attraction; her boobs. A pair so voluptuous that merely pinching her bra strap and tugging on it caused them to sway around with gravity.

It was moan after moan for Kwon Eunbi, clearly enjoying this too much. She dives deeper into fantasy:

“No mr. plumber. Those... those are for my boyfriend.”

“Ngghh.. I wore this for my boyfriend, but the filthy plumber’s the one enjoying it”

“Please don't do this. I dont want to be a disloyal girlfriend."

Spitting out more and more words push you past your tilting point. You pry a finger on her bra strap and —unlike the playful teasing from before— you retract your hand hard, making it snap. With her tits in the air, you dive in.

“S-sir sir sir, please unhand my ooohhh fuckk…. please, not my boobs, they’re my boyfriend’s favourite”

“Mmmh I can see why” still by her side, you had to make do with just one tiddy. Your hand grips and kneads, focusing between fondling her globes, and using two front fingers to flick her nipples to kingdom come, earning bigger and throatier moans from the tig bitty lady.

“He must be the luckiest man on earth to be able to fondle these tits every night. Do I fondle your boobs that same way your boyfriend does?”

“Fuck, I love this so much, baby-”

“E-ehem” you try and snap her right back into sticking with the script.

“I-I mean no. You don't do it the same way as my boyfriend. He usually kisses me while he fondles me…” her mouth tilts to your direction, already expecting your lips to touch hers. You fight off every instinct to give her plump, cherry-colored mouth a good frenching. You had other plans to escalate your night together.

"Y-you're not gonna fuck my face, now, are you mr. Plumber?.." She says, knowing full well that that was always how these nights of lust begin.

"Fuck it? Naaah, I'm gonna paint it." You reposition, having her beneath your wide-spread legs. It was too much for you. The lingerie, the roleplay, everything. You didn't mind an early exit, you just knew that your cock is gonna start ripping your boxers if you don't take it out and jerk it until your sweet release.

"Noooo my boyfriend never paints my face. Please don't do it mr. Plumber, sir. Anything but that, I hate ittttt." with your knowledge of her preferences, you knew she kinda meant that. 'I guess I'm fulfilling two of hubby's fantasies tonight... but he better pay me back later' she thinks to herself.

She hears your wet cock being jerked just above her face. Wanting to encourage you to make her eat your dick instead, Eunbi extends her neck to reach your member with her mouth. She only manages to place small kiss on it, however. This makes her she gasp and break character "Oh my..... You're so hard that its throbbing so so thick, baby."

You didnt have time to reply, your prejac instantly jets out to warm Eunbi's face. Wanting to respond in a manner that's genuine to the roleplay, Eunbi sounds out 'distress' and 'no's', but at the same time.

You moan through your high and finish covering every inch of her face with white. Eunbi's tongue curls to your dripping cum to get a taste of your addicting cum, but

"You must have skipped the pineapple juice tonight, huh, hubby?" she breaks character yet again, but this time you pay no mind, you had your heart set on which hole to paint next.

"I hope you like missionary." You knew she liked it. Loved it, in fact. Her doubts wash away with how her heart skips a beat. Her giddiness skyrockets when you remove yourself from bed and position right between her tied up legs.

Hiking her panties to the side, you make quick work with clipping your fingers inside her cunt to search for her beloved pleasure spot. Once you find her rough spot, you double, triple, down on it. Even using your bicep to bring her to bliss as fast as you can.

Kwon wails at this point. Slowly breaking her voice to show you how much she's close.

"You remember how I got into my bondage kink?" you suddenly ask out of the blue

"Y-yeah... mmmmhnnngghhh" Eunbi's cunt was a freeflowing faucet of wetness at this point "Your friend-- fuckkk-- he told you all about it and-- and..." she loses herself in pleasure, so much so that she slurps the mixture of drool and cum weighing down near her chin. "And you've been into it ever since-- Tell him I said thank you."

With one hand you continue murdering her cunt, while another reached up towards the tits you love.

You knew exactly how she liked her chest being played with: Using your index and middle finger to play with her nipples. Similar to rubbing a clit. Exactly the same fashion you fondled her breast a few minutes ago. Such knowledge over this woman was how you knew that her contorted face wasn't one of pleasure, but of discomfort.

You were all the way hard again, in a position to penetrate her soon. This makes you feel excited —finally this honeymoon suite will see some real action. This idea couldn't help but excite you, turning your gentle massage into an eager peppering. Using your thumb and index finger, you pepper away at her nipple. You were amazed at their elasticity. Too amazed. You tug and tug to no end, wanting this night to never end.

“Oh my… mr. plumber, that's not how my boyfriend usually does it... ughhh..... fuckk.... you’re so different from him and… Fuck…. mr. plumber’s being so rough with my tits. My boyfriend... h-he loves to treat me soft, but youre doing such a better job” She said in the most unconvincing of tones.

"Oh my.. you're ruining my body mr plumber- ohh.. oh-okay... wait.. fuck... ZUCCHINI"

You were surprised, she uses her safe word. It was quite a while since she had used it, but you knew exactly what it meant, so you retract your hands.

"Aww but we were getting to the good part, little miss helpless girl."

"You can drop the fake voice... ah fuck.... that one was.... that one was a little too much, Paul" She finally states a name. After her confusing mixed usage of mr. Plumbers, babys, boyfriends, and hubbys, it was quite refreshing to finally hear her mouth produce a name. Eunbi was panting, and had sweat building up on her forehead. She was set on wanting to throw in the towel with fulfilling your fantasy.

"Help me take off my blindfold." She said.

Not wanting this to end, you place both hands on her chest to pleasure her nipples the right way "No... nngghhh, Paul, its not about my tits. You've been acting weird all nigh-" she was interrupted.

Eunbi feels an inch of your cock enter her, as should husband and wife on their wedding night. Fireworks go off in your head, feeling her perfectly primed pussy on her wedding night. You were stunned. At a loss for words. This was amazing, until Eunbi had to ruin it with grunts of pain.

"you're not Paul......" she asks with labored breaths, trying to accommodate your size

"Shhhh with how well I know your body so well, I might as well be-"

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU???" Eunbi starts to squirm, trying to get you off. You give her the respect of seeing who you really are.

"Let's just say, Paul's had pretty loose lips recently."

"What the hell do you mean? Who the fuck are you?! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME. PAAAAUL! PAAAUL, WHERE ARE-" you grab her cheeks with one hand, squishing them to make her stops.

"How the hell do you think I know how to touch you?"

"Paul put you up to this?" Eunbi had pleading eyes looking up at you.

"Well yes and no... In his defense he was just trying to brag about how much 'you melt from his touch'. With accompanying pics and videos, I might add. Your man sent one too many pictures that it wasn't hard to track you down. You'd be amazed by how easy it is to find things via reverse image search. From that point, its simple math. Tux + Wedding + some alcohol for good ol' Paul."

"Where's, Paul?" she said in an assertive voice

"Shhh, its not polite to talk about other people in bed. Don't worry, with how much I know about you, you might as well continue roleplaying."

"Untie me, you pig." she says

"Not a chance, cow" you grip her tits hard, making her nipples bugle out off the gaps of your fingers. With some micromovements, your skin teases her nubs of sensitivity, making her go still.

"You... you're the reason Paul suddenly wanted this out the blue..." she pieces together.

"Hey, Its not my fault he's such a copycat. But hey, I ain't complaining"

With a clear painting, Eunbi's brain fires off at every direction, feeling every emotion, and wielding rage like a steel hammer. Eunbi doesn't care if you tease her nipples anymore. With all her might she sways her body, powers her limbs, screams at the top of her lungs, everything she needs to get herself out of the ropes she put on herself. This made you unhand her and simply sit back.

"I don't see what the problem is. I know your body. Just pretend I'm the same size as your new husband's and it would be like I'm Paul-"

"You shut your mouth. Your cock is nowhere as big as Paul's." she bites back, not even bothering to take a gander at the snake between your legs before continuing her struggle.

It was quite a sight, the woman who left nothing for your imagination was squirming in vigor, producing a sight of nothing but pure sex. The way her tits sway and her pussy clenches was magnificent in and of itself.

With the lack of intervention from the outside world, it seems like Paul wisely paid extra for the soundproofed room. Easing the final worry of your crime.

You give Eunbi a chance, sitting down in between her legs and allowing her to walk out should she succeed in breaking free.

With a smile on your face, one of the reasons you loved bondage unfolds itself in front of you.

There was nothing more delicious than seeing the fighting spirit of a woman. Mustering what little ounce of hope they could, wishfully thinking that Yes. I can get out of this.

You thank the heavens for convincing Paul to opt for the premium ropes. They were certainly holding their own against the thrashing of a grown woman.

You palm Eunbi's pussy, making sure that each one of her struggles would cause her thick labia to grind agaisnt your hand.

"For someone who claims they wanna get free, you sure are grinding your pussy on my hand hard. Hahahaha" Eunbi has grown deaf and numb from your games. She only had one thing in her mind right now.

Your phone camera reads 30 minutes. Watching her go through the motions of anxiety and action has lost its charm. With a final attempt to break free, Eunbi flexes all her muscles to no avail. She drops her limbs, defeated.

You hear her huff and puff, probably exhausted from her hour long clenchings.

Having your fun, and having little to no action for yourself for the past half hour. You get back up on your knees and close your phone.

"Hey, A for effort." you said, laying flat on her body as you hug her, cusping her cheek and looking at her straight in the eye. The fury in them lights a fire under you. Your first attack shall be on her neck. Diving right in, you inhale her scent and mix her sweat with your saliva.

She smelled so good just earlier, but now she reeked of her natural musk. It was like her profuse sweating pushed all the fragrance out of her skin.

With how hard you pressed your face to her body, you could feel the pores on her skin. From her jaw to her armpit to the area around her boobs, you had to make sure you inhaled every essence of her porn body. Your exploration took you to every curve of her torso, every divot, every crevice, smelling the fear and pheromone that pierced through the lotion she wore for Paul tonight. Eunbi squeals to no end, graciously adding background music to your manic deed.

"Where are my manners" Your hand glides around her top, gathering spit and sweat. Well lubricated, you insert 3 fingers inside of her in an instant. Eunbi's body tenses up and makes your hear the beautiful sound of ropes tighten once more.

"You sick fuck" she says in a weak voice, obviously trying hard not to give you the satisfaction of her moans. You knew her body, so you knew how to touch her.

"They say that some rape victims often forget everything that happened to them due to the trauma. Here's to hoping you don't forget how good I am in bed." you laugh, as you continue to violate her birth hole.

After teasing her; bringing her to the edge and then stopping, edging and edging and edging, you decide that its time for your own pleasure.

'Missionary, her favorite.' You think back to Paul's notes, as you take position. “Now lets see just how deep I’ll get"

You lay your cock on her, your base rests on her entrance. while the cockhead all the way up, sizing up how far you'll reach. Eunbi’s eyes almost pop out upon looking down and seeing how the tip of your cock easily reached her tummy.

"Please... stop..." she said as you got off her and aim your cock on her leaking cunt.

"You should have told your husband that." You take your phone and show you all the pictures and videos that Paul had been sharing to you all this time. The delicious trust that he had for you was endearing. Or was it ignorance? Perhaps the anonymity made him think he was bulletproof.

Distracted from your phone, was the best time to pierce Kwon Eunbi, “Don’t worry. If it wont fit, then I’ll make it fit.” Applying pressure, Eunbi groans and starts to let you hear her weeping.

"Heey hey..." You comfort her pretty little head, wanting her to calm down before you say "Remember to open those legs wide for me, Eunbi. I’m not as big as your husband, remember?” you chuckle, a glint of mercy shows from your joke, one short-lived as your patience grows thin. You spread her legs yourself, so far off to the point of pain.

You wanted her to be tight, you wanted her pussy to grip your dick so hard that it could turn to diamond. But what Eunbi had in store for you? Was much. Much. Better.

Your cock laced with precum only had to push past her puffy labia. From then on, your cock was a key that perfectly fit the lock of Eunbi's pussy. Amused, you leave her pussy, and try entry again. Paul's woman weeps from this, again and again you repeat your actions, as if she were built for nothing but your amusement. Seeing her, you wipe her tears and give her a smile. With your cock withdrawn from her depths, you nod your head, as if asking a question. Eunbi shakes from left to right. You sigh and exit her tasty cunt. Looking like you were discouraged.

Such a ploy paved the way to seeing her fill up with hope and drain back out. You weren't letting go of this one. Eunbi's pussy has got to be one of the fattest pussies you’ve ever pounded. Her pussy was perfection. The little bend of your cock allowed you to grind your swollen cockhead to what little gap her filled pussy had left.

Eunbi started to ease her agitated expression. In fact, the both of you did. It felt Like Heaven for the both of you that you two had a couple of dumb, mindless faces.

"Heey, look who's here. Its your hubby~" you snap her out using another one of your ploys, a bait she gladly takes as her head flicks to the door.

Your free hand guides her head to face yours. “He's in front of you, silly~"

"No no, you're not-" you spit on her face

"Yes I am. Go ahead, call me hubby”

“n-no…” preparing to spit once more, you decide consent was nonsensical at this point.

“But wifey~" disregarding her disapproval, you go ahead and steal the moniker from their relationship “Its our honeymoon~”

She had nothing but eyes filled with fear and tears whilst staring up at you. You slow down your ravishing, eventually putting it to a halt.

From the moment your cock entered Eunbi, you've been noticing how much her volume increases whenever your cock kisses a certain part of her insides.

Face to face, you watch her react to your ace in the hole. Its not like your were jackhammering her. No. You simply pressed your cock hard on her special place. Same position, same angle, full sustained strength. You swear you could feel her wall bumping outwards with how much your cock was pressing on it.

Like a madwoman, Eunbi shouts with the entirety of her being. The escalation from calm to panic was exquisite, from her eyes shooting open to her screech pushing past her throat.

"NOT THERE! OH PLEASE DEAR FUCKING GOD NOT THERE!!!"

she screams lies past her teeth. Eunbi's reaction was so visceral. As if possessed, her body lifts off the bed, not mindful of her arms and legs secured. You graciously accompany her upwards, making sure to stay connected.

Her disgruntled moans were continuous, leaving a constant gap on her mouth. An invitation you gladly accept, sucking out both breath and spit; as if you needed anything more to remind you that you own her tonight.

Cock in. Mouth together. Your fingers reclaim its rightful plush throne atop her boobs.

Your core was about to give out with your current position, still applying pressure on her sweet spot. A few more swipes on her nipples were all it took for you to finally reap her sow. It looked cute, the way she orgasms. A muscle from the V lines of her hip spasms in and out. Your cock was compressed to no end when Kwon Eunbi's cream tries and tries to push your member out of her. Her condensed nectar engulfs her cunt and then your cock.

"Hu...bby....." Eunbi finally says, with her body still suspended mid-air. The line between love and hate fades, and along it, Eunbi's sanity. Nevermind the fact that she was calling for help, you choose to believe she's finally yours.

You guide her bum back to bed, seemingly necessary with how her face and body froze, and her pupils vibrate. After much consideration, you decide it was time to meet Eunbi in heaven. Your hips only had one goal: To resume fucking her. Thankfully, bucking your hips forward didn't make her squeal anymore. No whines nor moans were left. Just anguish 'love'.

It seems like she's finally broken 'warmed' up to you. Without restraint, you fuck her glorious pussy, still ladened with her own cum, bottoming out so hard that what little voice she had left couldn't be heard over the squeaking bedframe.

"Since Paul loves these so much. I'm gonna help them grow. Even. Bigger." You grip her tits. Grip. Truthfully, no word will ever do justice to the roughness your hands show her tits. Using them as handles, you chase after your orgasm. Wanting to finally pay back Paul for all the times he's sent you pictures of Eunbi, each one leading you to this moment. A gift that will reveal itself 9 months later. A gift that will make Eunbi's already-bountiful bosom blossom. The gift of life.

Lights almost go out as your virile cum pushes past her cunt and squirts straight into her womb. It was fireworks. The perfect punishment to Paul's mishap.

You lay in bed. Using one of Eunbi's meaty arms as your pillow. She was still tied up, but that didn't stop you from cuddling the woman as if she were yours. You look below, thankfully, hiking her panties as high up as the fabric can hold prevented your baby batter from leaking out.

You trace her belly, excited about how much larger it will be in a matter of months. Looking at her face devoid of emotion —no will to live whatsoever— you give her a kiss goodbye, and a rub on her head for doing a good job at being such a good toy for you tonight.

You leave, with your number on her phone, and her state a shriveled husk of a woman.

You pass by the room you had put Paul in before making sure he was drunk as all hell. It wasn't even locked. Bastard was just out of it.

You scoff. Walking a little taller as you think to yourself

'Fuck around and find out.'

Reason why I wrote this smut: For the Nth time, my close friend has bragged about his "catch of a girlfriend". I didn't think jerking off to his gf's pics (the ones that he himself sent) was enough of a punishment, so I wrote a fic about it too. As I'm writing this, I am intoxicated with the idea that everyone who jerked off to this fic is in a way jerking off to his girl 😋 Whenever I was stuck in this fic, I was totally thinking of how I'd fuck his girl.

Welp this certainly took a dark turn... I am honestly shocked at myself with how this one turned out. And I say "turned out" because this had a different draft and story line before I moved it over to Tumblr to polish it. I think the pressure of not wanting the storyline/ending to be same the as Doggy Cam's (where its revealed that the idol actually likes) got to me. Lol! But hey, at least I got noncon off the list now! Hoping to move on to a fluffy smut after this cause it was legit "...oof what did I write" for me by the end of this one 😅

#kwon eunbi #smut #izone eunbi #eunbi #izone smut #IZ*ONE smut #cheating

[frenchkisstheabyss]

♡ OT8 Stray Kids Showing You They Love You ♡

♡ Just some ot8!stray kids showing their chubby!fem!gf how much they love her and what some of those things might be.

♡ The biggest of thank yous to @tryingtolivelifeblog for requesting this. It's such an adorable idea. I just love it to pieces and hope you do too!

♡ Genre: fluff

♡ Word Count: 1.4k-ish

♡ Bang Chan ♡

It isn’t unusual for your boyfriend to be up on his laptop all night, headphones in, chipping away at the next track for his group. That’s what you’ve assumed has been happening these past few weeks but you couldn’t be more wrong. He has been working on a song but it’s for you and only you. It’s much softer than what he’s usually known for with instrumentals that feel like a warm blanket on a cold night. You can feel his vulnerability in every word he sings. So much that you can’t even question if he really means it when he says that your gentle heart makes him fall for you more and more each day. Or that the sweetness of your voice brings calm to the chaos in his brain. He dedicates an entire verse to the brightness of your smile and how your laughter’s his favorite sound. By the end of it you’re trying not to cry which is fine because he is too.

♡ Changbin ♡

You have no clue how much self control it took for Changbin not to buy out the entire Build-A-Bear store getting those cute little teddy bears that say phrases when you hug them. It would’ve been easy for him to send someone else to get them for him but he does it himself instead, pretending to be at the gym while he picks out the perfect dozen for you. Once everything’s perfect he leaves them around the apartment for you to find with notes that say “Hug Me”. When you do you hear your favorite voice telling you that your eyes are so beautiful and brimming with love that he could stare back into them all day. He loves how you see him, really see him, for who he is and he never has to hide behind a mask with you. You’re his #1 cheerleader, always reminding him he’s good enough when he doubts himself. There isn’t a safer place in the world for than with you and he'll spend the rest of his life doing everything in his power to be the same for you.

♡ Hannie ♡

With your boyfriend’s hectic schedule, it’s important to him that he makes time to have special moments just for the two of you. This includes game nights which he takes very seriously, going all out to make sure the atmosphere’s ultra romantic and you have all of your favorite snacks. When you settle in for your latest game night you’re clueless when he presents you with an already built tower of blocks with hearts on the exterior of each piece. As the game begins you realize that each block you pull out has a reason he loves you handwritten on it. All 54 blocks. His hand cramped up 1,000 times doing it but it was worth it for you to know that spending an eternity cuddled up to your soft body would be the sweetest fate imaginable. That he never dreams better than when you’re there beside him, fingers running through his hair, singing him to sleep. That, even though it hurts sometimes, you make him miss you more than he has anyone else.

♡ Hyunjin ♡

Hyunjin’s never told you this before but he knew that you were the one since the day you first met. There was simply no way he was going to let someone as special as you get away. In the year since then he’s been drawing pictures of you in his sketchbook during moments when he’s feeling particularly sentimental. You’re always too respectful of his artistic process to peek at his work unless he asks so you don’t know until he shows you that he has such gorgeously vivid drawings of you making breakfast for him in the wee hours of the morning before he has to catch a flight. A few pages in there’s another of you playing with kids at the park when they needed one more person for a game. The last page is you sitting on the balcony of your hotel room, waiting to comfort him after an appearance he’d been dreading. The way you’re so thoughtful, lovely, and kind live in those moments he never wants to forget. 

♡ Felix ♡

“Felix, I think there’s…paper in this cupcake?” When Felix surprises you with cupcakes at work and sees you bite into the first one it dawns on him that he probably should’ve considered that maybe cupcakes don’t work exactly like fortune cookies do. But his heart was in the right place and you can’t bring yourself to care about biting into a little paper when you see what he’s written on them. He watches with the widest smile on that freckled face as you read how much being with you keeps him grounded in a life that can leave his head spinning sometimes. It means everything to him that his fame doesn’t make you treat him differently. You dance with him beneath the stars and kiss him in the rain because you love the Felix that’s just a silly kid from Australia and not the one on the magazine covers. You make him feel fearless because he knows even if he shoots for the stars and misses you’re here to catch him. 

♡ Lino ♡

Some people have this picture in their head of your boyfriend as this grumpy black cat who doesn’t quite know how to show affection but you know better than anyone that isn’t true. In reality you couldn’t imagine finding a guy more loving and thoughtful than Minho. What other guy would surprise you with a hike through a picturesque forest, hiding the cutest lock boxes at special landmarks along the way that hold his favorite pictures of the two of you together? A sentiment that particularly tugs at your heartstrings because you know he isn’t a picture guy but for you he is and always will be. On the back of each picture he writes something he loved about you at that moment. The warmth of your hand as he held it at the cat cafe in Tokyo or the scent of your perfume as you cuddled up to him on a neverending train ride that exhausted both of you. It’s the small things like the way you never hesitate to join him in making funny faces in front of the camera that make love you like he does.  

♡ Innie ♡

I.N could give you a bouquet of flowers that say “I love you” and call it a day. He knows you’d still treat it like he gifted you all of the diamonds in the world. But he wants to do more than that. Instead of giving you a bouquet all at once, he gives you a flower for each day of the week and, in place of a real flower, he gives you a glass rose that shimmers marvelously in the sunlight. Engraved on the side of each rose is something he finds special about you. Like the patience that you have with him while he figures out who he is in the world. You never pressure him to become anything or stay the way he was. Whoever he becomes he knows it’ll always be enough for you. Your kisses are like magic, cheering him up when nothing else can. And that counts for all kisses. If it’s on the lips, the neck, the forehead, wherever. They spark a joy inside of him that he isn’t quite sure any amount of words or roses could do justice to but he hopes this comes close. 

♡ Seungmin ♡

No one ever thought the day would come where Kim Seungmin got all mushy over a girl. Yet, here he is, head over heels in love with you, and he dares anyone to say something about it. Not that anyone would, it’s a well known fact now that you mean a lot to him. So much that wherever he is in the world he makes sure to bring you back something that reminds him of you. It’s left you with a collection of things from more places than you’ve actually visited. There’s the goddess carved in polished wood, nestled in the arches of a crescent moon with her curves on full display. When he saw it he joked how lucky he was to have one of his own at home, only prettier. Then there’s the music box that plays a song neither of you have ever heard before. Still, it reminds him of your melodic voice whispering to him between the sheets on rainy Sunday mornings. There was no way he could leave the shop without it. He knows one day you’ll run out of room for wind chimes that sway as gracefully your body when you dance, even if you don’t think so, but that’s okay. He’ll just buy you more room.

#stray kids x you #stray kids fluff #bang chan fluff #bang chan x you #changbin x you #changbin fluff #lee know fluff #lee know x you #seungmin fluff #seungmin x you #jeongin fluff #jeongin x you #han jisung x you #han jisung fluff #hyunjin fluff #lee felix fluff

[octuscle]

Bowling Night

"Bowling? Really?" Francis was fuming with rage. His friend was finally back home after two weeks away on business. He had dressed up. He had been looking forward to a romantic evening. And now his friend was taking him to a shabby bowling center full of fat rednecks. "Darling, please! I had five-course dinners every night for two weeks, had to make small talk in a suit every night. I was looking forward to seeing you so much. But I want to do something really simple tonight. I don't know how I came across bowling myself, but I passed this place on my way from the airport. And somehow I really felt like it now." Konstantin took his friend tenderly in his arms and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Francis tapped his pink sneakers on the floor. Konstantin knew his friend only too well. He knew he couldn't stay angry for long. He gently pulled Francis out of the parking lot and towards the bowling center. Maybe it was going to be a nice and relaxed evening after all. He had always loved going bowling as a child. He had loved celebrating his childhood birthday at the bowling alley. But it must have been…. "YUCK!" Francis cried out. "I'm not wearing those shoes in my life. They're disgusting. What brand is that anyway?" The young man at the counter rolled his eyes. Konstantin tried to calm everything down. Francis struggled to calm down. Konstantin had promised him a glass of sparkling wine. He could usually always calm Francis down with that. And it seemed to be working now too. Konstantin took Francis in his arms and they walked to their train together. Francis continued to grumble quietly to himself. "And when is my champagne coming now?" he asked. "Yo, two brewskis for two browskis?" Francis looked at the young man like an insect to be squashed

"I've already got a beer, you can have that. I'll get a second one for you, buddy." The young man pressed an ice-cold bottle into Francis' hand. He smelled of sweat and Axe. Francis almost had to hold his nose. But then he looked the waiter in the eye. Beautiful blue eyes. Damn, what a face. Features as if chiseled from granite. And even though he didn't know what was coming over him, he gave the waiter a fist bump and said, "Thanks buddy, you're such a lifesaver!" And to Konstantin he said "Come on then, let's throw some bowling balls." Shit, for supposedly still bowling, he was good. Damn good, Konstantin thought to himself. And how did Francis know the waitress? The two of them seemed so familiar, as if they'd known each other since kindergarten? A burp from Francis snapped Konstantin out of his thoughts. "Bro, like seriously? Wake up, it's totally your go!" Konstantin's eyes were almost watering from the stench of nachos, beer and cigarettes that Francis had belched out. They didn't have any nachos. And Francis didn't smoke. "Yo, Chuck! We're all thirsting for another round of brewskis, and hey, you got any cancer sticks on deck?" Francis called out to the waiter. The legs of his sweatpants were tucked into white socks that were no longer quite clean. And what had he done to his hair? Konstantin threw his ball. Strike! He turned around. And saw Francis openly grabbing the crotch of the waiter, who had just returned with beer and cigarettes, and sticking his tongue down his throat. Francis registered Konstantin's horrified look with a grin. "Yo fam, Chuck is gonna roll up later on. I'm thinking a triple threat situation would be straight fire to cap off this lit night, amirite?" Francis stood up, took Konstantin's head and pulled him towards him. And then he gave Konstantin a deep, long French kiss. Konstantin felt dizzy. Francis stank. No, he smelled male. Very masculine. And he tasted masculine. And he felt masculine. Konstantin wanted to run Francis through his curls. But there were no more curls. There was only cropped hair. Francis pressed his crotch against Konstantin's. Both their cocks were hard as steel. "We gonna have that lit threesome later, but right now, I need you, like ASAP, like yesterday! Hurry up, babe!" Francis whispered in Konstantin's ear. And pulled him towards the toilet.

Always when Stan rolled back from a away gig, Frank went total cray-cray like a hyped-up rabbit. Those two went at it like wild animals in the john. Chuck totally saw that coming, no more bowling for them today, duh. When Frank and Stan finally strolled back, Chuck was there waiting with three brewskis like a boss. "Yo, chill out outside while I dim the lights. Hope you've got some juice left for me!" Stan and Frank just grinned and nodded. They sauntered out to the lot, Stan sparking up a ciggie. The night was just getting started, y'all! 🍻💥✨

#male tf #reality change #inked man #chav tf #age reduction #trackies #ai generated

[toddandersonsblog]

the poets at the beach :)

neil wants everyone to wear sunscreen and makes sure to put some on everyone. he makes sandwiches for all his friends :) spends a lot of time enjoying the very fact that he's at the beach and takes in the beauty of the scenery. he and todd probably spend time collecting shells :)

todd is afraid of getting sunburnt because his parents always put a ton of sunscreen on him. he's also quite self-conscious of being only in this swim trunks around everyone. but he takes like a million pictures because he thinks the beach is so pretty :) he gets inspired there, so he wants to capture those moments

charlie runs away from neil, who chases him with the sunscreen, wondering how charlie can run so fast on the sand. he also wears his coolest "nuwanda" sunglasses. he loves the beach so much. he splashes everyone (including strangers), which annoys the most of them. he has a water gun to squirt water at cameron under the umbrella. but he's vibing, for real, even though he got sunburnt. he even claims he's made friends with a fish

meeks wants to know the history of the place ("according to this website, people here used to..."). he's bought a disposable camera from a gift shop (probably some of those toys to build sandcastles, too, as a joke. but soon starts to take his building very seriously). and of course, he just appreciates being there around his best friends :)

pitts is the only one who's actually really interested in the history of the place, apart from meeks, of course. he brings a stereo along and a comic book to read, and eats a lot of ice cream, too, hehe. (ginny buries his legs in the sand as he is reading lol)

cameron sits under the umbrella for most of the time because he gets sunburnt very easily. he brings a book along but barely manages to read because he's constantly chatting with someone. he also brings rackets or a ball for them to play in the afternoon when the sun has gone down a bit :)

knox brings his guitar along and strums away as the others are being chaotic in the background. todd probably joins him for a bit, after a while. he drinks a LOT of iced tea/coffee

chris sunbathes while listening to knox play the guitar :) she falls asleep to it and the soothing sound of the waves (I honestly don't know how she manages to sleep with charlie being there, though)

ginny LOVES swimming. after spending literal hours swimming, she plays volleyball with chris (and soon everyone joins) :) she loves to sing, so she makes sure to sing at least one song along with knox

at night, they gather around a fire to tell stories, poems, and songs :) sounds like a great day for the poets!

#todd anderson posting #dead poets society #dps #dead poets fandom #todd anderson #neil perry #dps fandom #charlie dalton #nuwanda #knoxious #knox overstreet #steven meeks #gerard pitts #richard cameron #chris noel #ginny danburry #dps headcanons #dead poets society headcanons

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

Hi! You're brilliant. Literature major here and someone who's loved Swift a lot growing up. I absolutely loathe who she is as a person now that the blinders have been off for a year and also the utter embarrassment that is TTPD. I'm seeing Swifties say "actually Taylor IS allowed to use female rage because she's had AI porn of her, been sexually harassed multiple times and won the court case for it, belittled for her art and is never taken seriously despite being stolen from" and despite the very obvious argument that "the TTPD setlist has 0 songs alluding to any of this to supposedly be about her female rage", I would LOVE to hear your take on this argument. My perspective is that despite these being very real experiences *building* to female rage Taylor has been through, she has never once spoken about them seriously outside of how they have impacted her as an individual. In this very album she's the epitome of a pick-me with her "you said other girls were boring" and "i can fix him" lines in her songs about the rat. This is opposed to the deep rooted community backing that comes with representing female rage as a topic (again, Paris Paloma's Labor is so good at representing that). Anyway I just have been subject to too many Swifties claiming Taylor has every right to co-opt Female Rage and it's making *me* rage. I don't have plans to battle anyone about it cuz the critical thinkers are coming to these conclusions themselves but I would love to hear your very well articulated thoughts on this supposed "argument" Swifties have about her being allowed to use the term. The fact that she's been through sexual harassment in the past and continues to despite being the biggest artist in the world.

Hello! First, I am so happy to hear you are a fellow Literature major <3 <3 Wonderful! And thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it. I hope you enjoy your study while finding it all as beautiful and important as I do!!!!! Sorry, it took me so long to write back- I was busy thinking it all through. I understand your frustration though, believe me. I feel it too.

Okay, let’s talk about your question. It’s an intense question- but I do think that just shying away from the conceptual point within the Swifties argument would be to give a shield against criticism- and I truly believe that nothing is above criticism. Criticism keeps us grounded in reality- but more than that it keeps us humble in self-reflexivity.  

The argument is as follows: Taylor Swift is allowed to claim the term “Female Rage” because she has experienced harassment based on sex classification- correct? The swifies then levy four pieces of evidence for her experience of sex-based harassment, 1- she has had AI porn made of her, and 2- that she was in a sexual harassment lawsuit, 3- her art is often belittled, 4- her masters were never owned by her. 

Okay, now that I’ve laid out Swifties argument- I am about to go full Analytic Philosophy major on it. <3.  

The first piece of evidence is about the AI porn scandal. I want to express that the current mess of AI porn being made of women is despicable- there are sick, sick men out there who seem to think themselves entitled to viewing any womans naked body- real or fake. I am firmly against the creation of AI porn- and truly feel empathy for Swift having experienced it. I am sure that it was a negative experience. However, how exactly is this evidence in favor of her using the term “Female Rage” to describe her work when in fact none of her work addresses the AI Porn issue? Her work never even describes or addresses any of the issues implicit to the patriarchally permissive culture that allows for men to feel entitled to create AI porn in the first place. If this is to be a direct defense of her calling her actual body of work “female Rage” then I am going to need to see evidence of her being mad about the AI porn in her work.  

She literally never even condemns the patriarchy in her music. Not even one of her songs is about how the patriarchy, in connection with the digital age, allows for men entitlement to bleed over in the creation of AI porn. It is a systemic issue too- more than just Swift experiences AI porn being made of them without consent- so it could be the subject of song to express “Female Rage” at this being a systemic issue- yet Swift did not do this. Thus, it is not an accurate defense for calling her work “Female Rage” 

It is much the same case for the second piece of evidence. The closest we get is her singing “Clean” in Denver a year after her trial concluded, and during the time leading up to “Lover” in which a “dollar” was an Easter Egg. She famously wanted only a dollar for winning her trial. That easter egg, however, never had anything to do with the trial. In any case, there is still nothing in her work to suggest “female Rage” about being sexually assaulted. As far as I can tell- and I’ve listened to every song she’s ever written multiple times- there are only a few songs that can be loosely interpreted as dealing with anxiety and sadness. If we want to give benefit of doubt here- anxiety could tie into her experiences; I find this loose tie, however, uncompelling, because most of her music about anxiety- directly ties into some proto-capitalistic fear she is expressing.  

Again, I’m sure that she did experience something negative during her trial- and did feel passionate about its verdict; however, there is nothing in her music about this instance- nothing. There’s no Paris Paloma style call-to-arms against the Patriarchy for enabling men to commit sexual assaults.  

Before I move on- about the first two pieces of evidence- Swift is not obligated to write music about it- but if she is going to claim her work is “Female Rage” based on her experiences with either of the two things above- then I would expect to see reflection of these experiences in her work.  

Onto evidence three and four. The claim is that her art is belittled based on sex-discrimination thus qualifying it as female rage. The connecting claim is that she was never given the opportunity to own her masters.  

Her art is often regarded as simple pop-music made for adolescents- because that is what it is. I failed to see how this is belittling. It’s saying that the music does what Swift wants it to do- which is entertain children, teenagers, and those among us who want “family-friendly” pop-music. What’s the problem? I like simple pop music. I listen to a lot of pop music, because it’s fun and easy and simple. It does what it sets out to do- how am I belittling her by saying she writes basic pop music- not poetry.  

People often only draw issue with her music when she tries to claim it is more than simple pop music. I draw an issue here- because it doesn’t live up to the standards of real, robust artistic music. It just doesn’t- again it’s not really belittling anything. This is the difference between belittling- and giving legitimate criticism. None of these complaints against Swift’s musical ability, lack thereof, or lacking creativity as a groundbreaking talent is at all related to discrimination based on sex or on her identity as a woman. It literally has nothing to do with her being a woman- she's just not a serious writer. She’s clearly not even a classically trained musician.  

The fourth piece of evidence is again predicated on industry standard injustice. She did not own her master's- and was not offered the chance to own her master's. I, however, don’t really believe she was never offered to buy her own catalogue- I think she just gave a low-ball offer and got rejected. Personally, I feel like the amount of capitalistic rage that was unleashed after that- and the spiteful nature of her re-record issue- is because she was angry about getting her offer rejected. We all know, by this point, Swift can’t stand being told no. In any case, her not owning the masters of her catalogue is industry standard.  

It could be likely that perhaps the two men buying and selling her music were rather sexist- I do recall the “I own Taylor Swift” Scooter incident. While that is clearly a sexist remark, I do think that Swift’s response to this incident is less directly correlated to feminist effort and more in line with her own personal feelings of dejection- and feeling capitalistic rage. If anyone want further detail on that- it's all in my previous post on Swift’s rage in my discussion on “Mad Woman” (2020).  

The closest we get to a feminist-forward remark is her saying “Master of spin has a couple side flings” in which she is essentially outing Scooter as a cheater. That can only loosely be described as female rage- if you squint and look at it sideways. Otherwise, it’s just her trying to denotate a bomb in his life- it's very “eye for an eye” revenge that really doesn’t correlate to feminism or female rage. Because “revenge” is not the point of “Female Rage” or Feminism- The Point is JUSTICE and Showcasing WOMEN as Equals To MEN! AHHHH! It’s not like the guy was even cheating on her- she literally just wanted to ruin his life. (Not that I have sympathy for him. I’m just saying this situation was a personal vendetta for Swift- not some grand feminist declaration). But again, the interior motivations of her rage at Scooter- and the rage of women for centuries culminating into Female Rage as a movement- are drastically different motivating factors. In this instance she is lashing out with personal rage in which she is only advocating for her own point of view and personal hurts - not the community-driven concept of female rage. 

I do also find it strange that only on point three and four, the two points directly connected to her power and money, are the only two things we can directly trace into her music and her work. She literally only gets angry about threats to her money and power-  

Thus, I support my conclusion from my other post on Swift’s so-called female rage, that she is expressing corporate rage, or capitalistic rage. It is a different thing altogether, because, as I said in my other post:  

Female Rage is grounded in experiences of oppression and injustice- yet marked too by its ability to clearly advocate for women’s rights in systemic, patriarchal issues. Female Rage necessitates extending empathy to other women- who have suffered the patriarchy too. It’s a call to community and a call-to-arms against intersectional forms of patriarchal abuse.  

Never, in any of her four points of evidence, does she legitimately utilize her music to critique the patriarchy- which is an implicit necessity for art relaying themes of female rage.  

If she ever did actually broach the subject in her music in a way that gives legitimate criticism to the patriarchal standards she claims to hate- then I will change my mind.

Where exactly has Taylor Swift ever really advocated for anything? She gives us the world's most lazy, throw away lines about “Girl Power” and “Being a Boss” and even a few “you can want who you want/ girls and girls and boys and boys” (“Welcome to New York” 2014) - yet never does it culminate into any remark upon injustice in society. She never once modulates into a reflection into the mores of society in which some demographics are considered lesser- it's all just bleak pop-music wherein she appeals only to the most populist- surface level aspects of social issues. Notice too- that she only ever mentions social issues when it becomes most likely to have good reception from the public. She only became a feminist- after it became popular on social media.  

Where was she when I was a young lesbian feminist fighting for my life in the early 2000’s? Oh yeah, she was writing homophobic versions of her debut singles- and adding lines like “My Daddy’s gonna show you how sorry you’ll be” (“Picture to Burn” 2006) as an appeal to the patriarchy - I forgot. LOL. Where was she when feminism couldn’t be commodified- made fluffily and easy to “copy and paste” into her shitty pop-songs? Nowhere. 

It’s not about feminism, or female rage, for her- or standing up for anything at all in the face of the larger social system. For her, it’s about commodification and economic power.  

She's literally not a feminist. She’s not a LGBT activist- She's a goddamned opportunist and that has made her incredibly rich.  

Anyway, about TTPD, specifically, I need a whole separate post to talk about the overt anti-feminist, pro-patriarchy messaging of that album. Can’t do it here- I've rambled long enough. And I have a boat load of textual evidence to incorporate into my discussion on Swift so-called “feminist music” that I want to discuss in depth soon. I also have a Feminist-Marxist analysis lined up- that one I did just for fun 😊 

Ps- If you like any aspect of this argument or think that it might be true feel free to use it if anyone brings up the argument with you again. Sharing is caring. 

If you disagree and wish to burn me in effigy- Well, catch me if you can. <3 hahaha 

#anti taylor swift #ex swiftie #anti swifties #taylor swift criticism #fuck taylor swift #taylor swift critical #ttpd #mad woman #folklore #feminism #fuck the patriarchy #white feminism #marxism #patriarchy #female rage #paris paloma #labour #literary analysis

[bbbuckaroo]

idk why i thought following the 9-1-1 fandom would be a good thing to do. but at the very least, glad to have found your blog. thank you for trying to keep things positive

so to add to some positive thinking:

i hope lou stays for season 8 and becomes a regular, and we get an episode that’s just buck and tommy out on dates that somehow always get interrupted by finding themselves involved in an emergency or being called in to an emergency and the episode ends with buck or tommy making a dinner for the other. and the other coming home to find them passed out on the couch.

domestic bucktommy is going to save my soul

Seriously, I’ve only been truly active on here since Buck Tommy began (always lurked) because they are just so sunshine. I’m a total rookie and now I’m just tired. Thank you so much for the acknowledgement, that was all I hoped to do!

And yes, that is JUST the positive thinking I needed! I will thus forth be manifesting a beautiful and refreshed season eight. Thank you so much for this, the love and positivity gets me 🥹 And also to look forward and not stew in this current mess.

#evan buckley #tommy kinard #bucktommy #tevan #anon ask #so happy to see the positivity out there #and thank you for reminding me to look forward #and not stew in this mess

[samioli]

sorry if this is a weird ask but what kinks do you personally think phoenix and edgeworth are into?

I really enjoy the stuff u make so I was just curious! Hope u enjoy the rest of ur day:))

me reading this ask:

its not weird at all anon, considering i write them fucking nasty all the time!! don't feel weird asking!!!

but MAN i almost have no clue where to start. I'm bound to forget some lmao

Let's start with the basics, shall we?

Phoenix's "tamer" kinks:

Praise kink. He DEFINITELY has one, and i could see him having one with any partner of his.

He likes being degraded as well, and mannnn if you hit the combo of like, praise AND degradation, that is SUCH a sweet spot for him. like, for example, "wonderful. such a lovely, beautiful slut for me." something like that.

when he's in the mood for it, loves miles being a bit rougher with him, like face fucking or just leaving marks and bruises on his skin.

LOVES when miles is possessive of him, he adoressss it

likes being tied up, not as much as miles tho i think

BREEDING KINK!!!!! this man wants to be BRED BY MILES EDGEWORTH!!!

i use this a lot in my fics but i def think phoenix is a big user of dirty talk. it definitely does it for miles but i think it helps him along too lmao

Miles's "tamer" kinks:

Praise kink as well, BUT. i think it would be SOOOOO funny if miles only really has it with phoenix??? like maybe he has a one night stand and they try to praise him and miles is like

he's like. you dont know me like that....

similarly to phoenix, also has a degradation kink, more like being objectified and being compared to an object tho.

ALSO similarly, loves that killer praise/objectification combo.

breeding kink up the wazoo. literally wants to have phoenix's kids, wants to be pregnant all the damn time. literally just wants to be pampered and fucked by him while he's stuffed. who said that.

i think he also likes being facefucked, maybe less so than phoenix?? or like, he has to be in the mood. he LOVES being manhandled tho, its a turn on for him. he loves seeing how just strong phoenix is

LOVES BEING TIED UP. he needs to be tied up and blindfolded to give himself a system reboot!!! he needs to forget who he is for a bit!!! its healing for him!!!

also likes being edged. he's a gooner, even. @sapphire-wine that was for you (but i agree with you, to be clear)

okay now im gonna get into the more??? kinky kinks??? don't take the separation too seriously, wasn't sure how to sort it, plus I'm p sure its very subjective. the kinks i think are "tamer" are prob someones like. particularly kinky kink.

Phoenix's spicer kinks:

pet play. doesn't matter if hes the pet or owner, he is INTO it. i think what role he plays depends on his mood.

teacher/student roleplay. i think he would LOVE being the delinquent student seducing a teacher. hed love to annoy edgeworth with that lmao

im gonna move on to edgeworth bc i def think he has more of the spicer kinks BUT i think for 99% of them, phoenix likes it too and is SO DOWN to play. so I'm just not gonna repeat myself lmao

Miles's Spicer Kinks:

pet play, mainly likes being the pet

tentacles!!!!!!

literally loves cum. wants to be covered and smothered. especially by phoenix

monsterfucker. he is a monsterfucker and often fantasizes about phoenix being a scary monster who captures him and is his prisoner.......oh no......what ever will he do to appease this beast....😳😳

hypno kink. literally get him OUT OF HIS HEAD!!!

oh i feel silly remembering this now but he def has an underwear kink. patty/boxer thief and sniffer miles edgeworth REAL

loves to fantasize about micro/macro. again, wants to be at scary giant phoenix's every whim....

i def think he's into CNC. to me he reads those bodice ripper novels LMAO

oviposition

literally this man just wants to be stuffed full

piss kink, probably. likes the humiliation of it

this would get me cancelled on twt but he has a daddy kink. sorry but its the truth

but whats even more true and even MORE present is his mommy kink. phoenix is his mommy and no i will NOT elaborate

somno for sure. i think with this and hypno play there would be discussed boundaries and rules, but yea

i cannot think of anything else and this is getting to be A LONGGGGGGGG post but also with miles i think like. okay this is me projecting 100000% but i hc him as demi but once he starts realizing he's sexually attracted to phoenix, the kinks come out of the floodgates. so i can see him just chilling with phoenix once they're together and like a random thought comes over him and he's like WHERE DID THAT COME FROM

anyways one time phoenix is laying down on the couch and he's barefoot and miles looks over and his immediate thought is "i need to suck his toes" and he's so taken aback he trips. i don't even think he has a huge foot fetish, i think phoenix just makes him Like That

anyways. DEFINITELY forgetting a bunch. it took me a while to write this, and I'm sorry for the wait in answering this! was having some health issues but thankfully i seem to be getting better.

i hope u enjoyed this very detailed list, lmao, and i hope i didnt scare u off. thank you for the question and have a great day!!!

#narumitsu #miles edgeworth #phoenix wright

[yowyowyaoi]

Hidan's Daily Texts from the Akatsuki, Part Two

From Konan

Why would it gross you out? You basically deal with blood for a living!

Flattery might get you a hug but it won't get you out of your share of the food bill.

In all seriousness that's ridiculous.

Just pretend he’s Kakuzu. Problem solved.

You guys need to keep it down. I need my beauty sleep!

Sasori has a variety of things he could give you to ease the pain. But be warned he’ll likely give you a three hour lecture on “proper dental hygiene”.

I'm sure he just meant it as a joke. No need to eviscerate him.

I need that like I need a hole in my head.

Love is not about looks, it's about feelings and personality. He's the kindest, most gentle man I've ever known in my life.

If you're that curious, just transform into one and feel them yourself!

He doesn't take betrayal very well. I'd strongly reconsider if I were you.

Being immortal is a hell of a thing to have in common, isn't it?

I wish you and Dei would leave him be. Just because he *chooses* not to fight back doesn't mean he can't, or won't at some point. And I think that will be a scary day for the two of you.

Ladies don't curse but if you heard even half of what I was thinking it'd blow your mind, Hidan.

From Itachi

Looks mean very little to me.

If you're that interested in seeing them, then just ask him to pull down his pants for you the next time you see him. See what he says.

A compliment coming from you sounds very, very odd.

I would not just leave something like that to chance and never, ever to the two of you.

We're close. That's all you need to know.

I'll admit, the honey and ants in my bed was a clever, if sadistic, touch.

You've got ten minutes to return it to my door or I promise your eternity will be one long inescapable nightmare.

No.

The last time I went with you guys you ate $1000 worth of food and then tried to stick me with the bill!

If you'd just admit it I'd be willing to go easy on you.

Of course he's an attractive man but I couldn't deal with that personality on a daily basis.

In that way I'm better than you, aren't I? You clearly fear death. I don't.

If my opinion counts for anything: hold on to Kakuzu. I don't believe there's a single other soul in this universe that would care for you the way he does.

I suppose not all the time. He does brush my hair out for me a lot. Very gentle.

From Tobi

If it isn't something that could work, why would it be the plot to SO MANY homoerotic stories??

You left it sitting there for three days! If I didn't eat it, it would have spoiled!

Just woke up not in the mood for your shit rn

If he thinks you're like a brother than one day me and you can be in-laws!

You didn't even spell "delusional" right.

Are you the one who left the jar of crickets on my bed?

Actually your hair would probably look good longer.

You're not going to lecture ME on something like that!

I think of him like a little cousin. So STOP messing with him!

If you think Kakuzu looks "sexy" without his mask you couldn't handle ME, man.

Come with us, the water should be fine by now.

The Hidden Leaf? Nope. Never heard of it.

Sharingan?? LOL

Be warned, Hidan. I'm not as stupid as you think I am.

Do YOU want to see my FIST? Okay then.

So is "Jashin" just looking the other way while you love Kakuzu, then?

From Nagato

I think of you all as my children. Some more problematic than others.

Yes it works! And even if it didn't, she wouldn't leave me!

I almost teamed you up with Deidara but I don't think I could have afforded that sort of damage.

Ultimately that would be Kakuzu's decision.

Tell your God to meet up with me and we'll see who's more "real", brat.

What. Did. You. DO?!

If I hear that you "accidentally" walked in while she was changing again, you'll wish to the heavens that you WERE able to die.

Yes but a mostly vegetarian diet is easier for my body to handle.

I did not form these teams with the intention of being a matchmaker.

I wish you would put as much effort and planning into your missions as you do to harassing your fellow Akatsuki teammates.

From Deidara

Yes I blew him up but I didn't rob him. Standards, man.

Me and Kisame going fishing, you in?

Come see me we gotta get our stories straight before Leader questions us.

He stepped on a beehive. Spent all day pulling stingers from his arms and legs. STILL wouldn't take off his mask.

I knoooooow. God you sound like Sasori.

I did but I don't think they can prove that it was me ...

You can't just sculp some little mouse and then call yourself an artist! It doesn't work like that!

I think the chicken was bad I can't stop puking and my ass is literally on fire!

If you won't listen to me talk about my REAL art, what makes you think I'm gonna listen to you talk about your FAKE God??

Me and you and Itachi. Yes he'll go if we drag him out.

Yeah but she's sooooooo pretty how can I help it?!

Why are you bragging? That just means you'll be old and ugly before me!

Honestly I just bring him a body and some tools and he stays distracted for like a week. Lets me do whatever without even questioning it lmao

He likes to carry me. Don't ask questions, I just enjoy not having to walk for a few hours.

I really, REALLY don't need to know what "gets you off". Pervert.

From Kisame

I have no idea how to answer something like that.

I don't know what's going on with you and Kakuzu but please stop "accidentally" sending me pics like that or I'm blocking you.

I'd die for him but all I really want is for him to live for me.

I think we're the only two who like it ultra-rare and dripping blood. Well, maybe Zetsu.

Yeah I have my suspicions as well but it's like that thing is glued to his face or something. Deidara is the only one who could get close enough to him to try it but he seems scared for some reason.

You can join us but no screaming in the water this time or you'll scare them all off.

I've got at least 11 years up on you so yes, you ARE a brat to me.

I don't think there are any decent shortcuts, we just have to walk straight through. Ask Kakuzu to lend you his tall boots.

There's doing our job and then there's crossing the line. Guess which one you did.

Yes it's warm but that doesn't mean we wish to see you sitting out there in the nude.

Itachi's not feeling well so I need a replacement weight for my other arm. Deidara is already helping, now I need you too.

In the old days they used leeches as a cure for everything. A few aren't gonna kill ya, kid. Don't be a baby.

He's literally perfect. And he's MINE. So onsen or not the next time I catch you looking like that I'll snatch your eyes out and eat them like grapes :)

From Sasori

Come see me before the infection spreads.

Mint, rosemary, and a tiny bit of thyme.

Unless you’re looking to get bent over, brat, how it works is none of your goddamned business.

You would likely be a terrible one.

No, he’s it for me. I’ll either marry him or kill him, haven’t decided yet.

I can imitate eating to fool enemies but the food will just stay in my throat until I manually remove it.

You kill humans nearly every day, you can handle a spider.

It would break my metaphorical heart.

I’m not “betting” you anything. I KNOW it won’t kill you. But the poison is both expensive and time-consuming to make and I’m not wasting it on you.

18 and 34.

Leave the ones that I’ve marked alone. They’re perfect specimens and I won’t have you ruin them with that heathen ritual of yours.

Yes but I’m slowly coming to accept that sexuality is a spectrum and nothing is black or white.

You and Tobi will be coming with. Pack extra food and warm clothes. No whining that you’re hungry or cold later on.

It won’t be as amusing when I nail your skull to the wall.

From Zetsu

He tasted so good. My many thanks.

I haven’t any idea why the others seem so perturbed by it, considering their *own* “atrocities".

Too loud. Sensitive ears.

Aren't you having relations with him? Surely you could convince him.

Unfortunately we need them alive and well, so please, none of your antics.

Couldn't hurt. But I doubt it would help, either.

Out of everyone here, you and your blood-scented skin smell the best.

I'm beginning to think your obsession with penises is more than a passing curiosity and an indication for serious concern.

Deidara is correct, everything is ephemeral. This world is temporary.

I wouldn't know the first thing about manipulating anyone. I'm just a plant.

From Kakuzu

Try me and see. I DARE you, brat.

Either help me or stay home and shut up about it.

You stimulate me, but not in all good ways.

If I wasn't "obsessed with money" this entire organization would be nothing, we'd be homeless and everyone would be starving.

Just wait until I get you alone.

Next time I suggest you think before you act.

Deidara will face Sasori but YOU will have to deal with ME. Consider that.

It's your turn to pay for dinner. I could go for either seafood or steak.

Call it gay if you wish but you won't change my mind.

I'm not sure if your body could handle multiple hearts, immortal or not.

Endurance training. My room. Ten minutes. Hydrate yourself beforehand.

You're going to eat something green if I have to pry open your mouth and shove it down your throat.

Because I CARE, asshole.

Why should I have to fight them off because you can't keep your hands to yourself??

I happen to like Itachi so watch your manners, if any exist.

Can't "believe" in someone I've never met. Which is why I don't understand why YOU do.

If I ever went, I'm taking you out with me. "'Til death" is inaccurate.

Sure, sure. While you're at it pray for money to drop out of the sky and into my lap.

Handcuffs aren't doing it for me anymore. Bring some rope and maybe some honey this time.

Get back here and clean this shit up before I come kill you.

Love you. <3. Delete this text immediately.

#hidan #kakuhida #AkatsukiDailyTextsPartTwo #text messages with the akatsuki #texting #kakuzu #tobi #deidara #itachi uchiha #kisame hoshigaki #nagato #konan #zetsu #sasori

[chmydarling]

clementine: you must be french if you think we talkin

louis:

[x]

#sJXDHKJFH #ignore me i'm sleep deprived n bein demented #so nothing out of the ordinary really #but all of these are seriously SO very beautiful #i have a hc in a modern au that louis is super fluent in french in a modern au n he was an exchange student in france #n most ppl pronounced his name like louie so v cute #and he really pissed off his host family for no damn reason bc he kept accidentally saying rude things but the student's siblings he was #exchanging w found him hilarious and loved him pfttt #also: he may or may not have picked up a lil smoking habit from the student's older sibling who he had a smol crush on n was eager to #impress and yes he went thru a phase of wearing berets #[ aj rambles. ] #[ out of songs. ] #[ tbd. ]

[starlightseraph]

house md so wonderful and brilliant because it is simultaneously the heaviest, darkest, most serious show about love and loss and how trauma shapes people and the most unhinged thing you'll ever experience.

#and very gay #like seriously. #it’s actually beautiful and profound in so many ways #but that part is often drowned out by the insanity #just like how all the characters in the show are incredibly repressed and use slur-jokes to deflect #house md #hilson #hate crimes md #hugh laurie #rsl #robert sean leonard #gregory house #james wilson #and yes this post is an almost verbatim quote from something i posted earlier today #but i thought it deserved its own post #starlightseraph’s brainrot

[david-tennant-in-chairs]

Hypnotized by that hand

#david tennant #david tennant in chairs #legs for days #just like all the limbs #hypnotized by that hand #i wanna take a bite out of those drumsticks #helpful directions for proper manhandling #good lord he's beautiful #i mean seriously just look at him #how dare you sir #making me so very thirsty #i want to drink him #soft scottish hipster gigolo #hands hands hands #the eyes the hair the nose the everything