#but anyway!! i am deeply obsessed with this concept and am so fucking close to writing my own fic for it but idk if i have the strength

[suitehearttts]

happy valentines parksborn nation, i have impulsively designed MCU Peter a Harry out of a pure love for post-NWH possiblities

#if you think that Peter doesn’t look like Tom enough then congrats i agree with you! #peter parker #harry osborn #parksborn #this is hopefully? eventually? going to be a series of parksborn fluff art but i simply don’t know when/if i will get to the other ones #but anyway!! i am deeply obsessed with this concept and am so fucking close to writing my own fic for it but idk if i have the strength #but the au is rotating in my head…. so many headcanons…. #digital art #spiderman #also fuck Tom holland for being hard to draw

[chaysingthesun]

Rover initial thoughts

IT’S SO FREAKING GOOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

I AM LIVING!!! Like I said earlier this has probably been the most fun comeback I’ve ever experienced since becoming a kpop fan a few years ago. Rover is my favorite Kai title track yet! I am absolutely obsessed, with both the song and the mv. 

Rover: Musically Rover is so catchy, an absolute banger. I can’t help but dance whenever I hear it. I was worried when I heard the mv teaser that it would be kind of monotone but it’s actually got so much beautiful complexity. I love how it builds. I love the vocal layering (on Rover and on the entire album) — the richness of that is one of the things I love most about his and exo’s music. His voice blew me away yet again, and his deep voice for the raps??? Holy crap I was not expecting that. I’m not even a big fan of rap but I swear every time he opened his mouth for those parts my soul separated from my body (especially when combined with the visuals in the mv... yeah). He killed me and sent me straight to heaven.

Someone said the mv is delicious. I can’t describe it better. The scenes, the coloring, the outfits, everything is so gorgeous. THE BALLERINAS????  He did that for me 😭😭😭 And the concept/plot!! Spy/scammer X-Kai? I’m 100% here for it. That ending too... I gasped. The whole thing is just kpop perfection, everything I could have wanted. 

(Okay, I take that back, I was hoping to see him do a few ballet moves, but maybe that will come with Film: Kai 2. And being a former ballet dancer I know how difficult that would be to train for, so I won’t be too disappointed if not... but still, just imagine 🥺)

I’ve been listening to the album over and over since it dropped and I’m loving it more and more every time. It’s impossible for me to pick a favorite yet, so I’ll just go through the rest of the songs in album order:

Black Mirror: Okay so I wasn’t sure about this one from the teaser—yeah that beat is absolute fire, but I’m definitely more of an r&b and pop fan than hip-hop and rap, and I wasn’t sure if it would be my vibe or not. I needn’t have worried. It’s incredible omg. So well-crafted from start to finish. His voice is mesmerizing, whether rapping or singing. The second verse where the vocal layering comes in? I’m ascending once again. Every time I listen I have to stop what I’m doing and just let myself be swept away. This song is a transcendental experience. 

Slidin’: Speaking of transcendental experiences, this one takes the cake. That hypnotizing arpeggio behind his even more hypnotizing voice? Ugh it’s so good I can’t handle it. Also those lyrics... yeah 🥵 I saw someone say this is Kai’s Baekhyun Drown moment. Anyway the whole song is heavenly, but the last 35 seconds? Not only did I ascend, I felt like I was being serenaded by a chorus of angels. This song may be my favorite on the album. 

Bomba: Maybe I’m missing something or maybe it’s because I don’t really listen to reggaeton, but this song isn’t my favorite. I still like it, and jam out whenever it comes on, but I’m relieved it didn’t end up being the title. Rover just feels so much more complex. I do love his glorious vocals in the bridge. Time will tell if it’ll be the type of song that will grow on me a ton or if I’ll end up skipping it sometimes, but regardless, I am SO excited to see him perform this, it’s going to be fire.

Say You Love Me: Oh this song FUCKS. No other way to say it. Gorgeous, haunting, captivating. Every time I listen to it I fall into its charms more deeply. What a mood. His voice!! I could see this one eventually becoming my favorite, it’s a close contender for the top spot.

Sinner: This is the one I thought from the teasers would be my favorite, and indeed, it’s also a top contender. The first time I heard it in full I wasn’t sure about it; the different way he sings it and the relatively simple melody took a minute to get used to, but by the second or third listen I was completely seeing the vision. The emotion in his voice, or is it deadness? The feeling of defeat? It hits hard. And I absolute love the way each chorus changes, morphs into something different and new, each repetition telling its own story, changing the tone of the words, capped off by the magnificent, soaring final chorus. So beautiful.

All in all I’m so so happy, I can’t believe he’s done it again. So proud of all Jongin’s hard work. You can tell he spent so much time pouring over these songs, tweaking everything to be just how he wanted, adding so many layers and so much depth. I imagine this will be like his first album for me — no matter how many times I listen, I will hear something new. Currently nothing can beat his first album overall for me, that is quite possibly my favorite album of all time, but this one... it’s more than a worthy sequel, it stands on its own along with Peaches and I think it’s truly another masterpiece. So proud of Jongin, my heart is full ❤️

#tl;dr they made a great choice with the spiral on the album cover bc this album is downright hypnotic #kai #kai: rover #album review #exo kai #jongin #when peaches came out I wrote down my thoughts here #about the mv and album and everything #and it's been fun to look back #and to see how my thoughts have changed #for one I wasn't sure at first about Vanilla #but now it's one of my all time favorite Kai songs #so I wanted to do that again this time #capture the moment #also #I think part of why this comeback has been so much more fun for me #is because when kji1 came out I was still fairly new and didn't know how to fully experience it #it was still an absolutely incredible experience I'll remember forever but this time I'm more fully immersed #and then when peaches came out I was going through a bit of a mental health crisis #so that kind of put a damper on things #so happy and thankful that I'm able to enjoy this one like I wanted to #🥹🥹🥹

[him-e]

what did you think of shadow and bone? have you read the books? i only read the duology

Thoughts on Shadow and Bone, now that you've probably seen it?

I think the show is alright? It lacks a real wow factor as far as I’m concerned, but it’s enjoyable. It’s especially enjoyable in those parts I didn’t anticipate to like / didn’t even know would be there. 

Whereas the main selling points leave a lot to be desired.

The good stuff: the visuals. The aesthetic. The overall concept. Production, casting and costumes are excellent, the setting is fascinating. The worldbuilding isn’t perfect and is sometimes confusing, which is probably due to the show jumping ahead of the books and introducing elements that happen much later in the book saga, but I’m loving the vague steampunk-y vibe of it mixed with more typical fantasy stuff and slavic-inspired lore, the fact that it’s set in dystopian Russia rather than your usual ye olde England.

I find it interesting that in this ‘verse the Grisha are simultaneously superstars, privileged elite, legendary creatures and despised outcasts, according to the context and the type of magic they wield. It’s A Lot, and so far it’s all a bit underdeveloped and messy, like a patchwork of different narratives and tropes sewn together without an organic worldbuilding structure. (there are hints to a past when they were hunted, but how did they go from that to being, essentially, an institutionalized asset to the government isn’t clear yet. There’s huge narrative potential in this, and I hope future seasons will delve into those aspects)

Many of the supporting characters are surprisingly solid. I appreciated that Genya and Zoya eventually sort of traded places, subverting the audience’s assumptions about them and their own character stereotypes, despite the little screentime they were given.

Breakout characters/ships for me were Nina/Matthias, and even more so the Crows, i.e. the stuff I didn’t see coming and knew nothing about (having only read the first book). (I thought the entire Crows subplot was handled in a somewhat convoluted way, at least in the first episodes; it was hard to keep track of who wanted Alina and why, but the Crows’ chemistry is so strong it carried the whole Plot B on its shoulders).

HELNIK. As an enemies to lovers dynamic, Helnik was SUPER on the nose, I’d say bordering on clichéd with the unapologetic, straight outta fanfiction use of classic tropes like “we need to team up to survive” and “there’s only one bed and we’ll freeze to death if we don’t take our conveniently damp clothes off and keep each other warm with the heat of our naked bodies” (not that I’m complaining, but i like to pine for my ships a bit before getting to the juicy tropetown part, tyvm). And then they’re suddenly on opposite sides again because of a tragic misunderstanding - does Bardugo hate high-conflict dynamics? It certainly seems so, because between Helnik and Darklina I’m starting to see a pattern where the slow burn and blossoming mutual trust is rushed and painted in broad, stereotypical strokes to get as fast as possible to the part where they *hate each other again* and that’s... huh. Something.

^That’s probably why I’m almost more interested in Kaz x Inej, because their relationship feels a bit more nuanced, a bit more mysterious, and a bit more unpredictable. (I didn’t bother spoiling myself about them, so I really don’t know where they’re going, but it’s refreshing to see a dynamic that the narrative isn’t scrambling to define in one direction or the other as quickly as possible)

-

Now, as for Darklina VS Malina... I found exactly what I expected. 

Both are ship dynamics I’m, on principle, very much into (light heroine/dark villain, pining friends to lovers) but both are also much less interesting than they claim to be, or could have been with different narrative choices. I’ll concede that the show characters are all more fleshed out and likable than their book counterparts, and the cringe parts I vaguely remembered from the books played out differently. And, well, Ben Barnes dominates the scene, he’s hot as HELL, literally every single second he’s on screen is a fuck you to Bardugo’s attempts to make his character lame and uninteresting and I’m LOVING it, lol.

But yeah, B Barnes aside, Darklina is intrinsically, deliberately made to be unshippable. 

It makes me mad, because it’s - archetypally speaking - made of shipping dynamite: yin/yang-sun and moon, opposites attract, COMPLEMENTARY POWERS AND SO ON. And what does Bardugo do with these ingredients? A FUCKING DELIBERATE DISASTER:

^ Placing the kiss so early on (season 1, episode five) effectively kills the romantic tension that was (correctly) building up until that point, and leaves the audience very little to still hope for, in terms of emotional evolution of the dynamic. 

Bardugo lays all the good stuff down as early and quickly as possible (the bonding, the conflicted attraction, the recognizing the other as one’s equal, etc) only to turn the tables and pull the rug so y’all sick creepyshippers won’t have anything to look forward to, because THEY’VE ALREADY HOOKED UP AND THAT BELONGS TO THE PAST, IT’S OVER, THEY’RE ENEMIES. This, combined to the fact that she falls for him *without* knowing who he really is, is the opposite of what I want from a heroine/villain ship (it’s basically lovers to enemies, and while that can be valid too, I wanted to see more pining and more prolonged, tormented symbolic attraction to the Shadow/Animus on Alina’s part). 

But here’s the trick: it’s not marketed as lovers to enemies - it has all the aesthetics and trappings of an enemies to lovers (the Darkling is, from the get go, villain-presenting, starting from his name), so it genuinely feels like a trollfic, or at the very least a cautionary tale *against* shipping the heroine with the tall dark brooding young villain, and I don’t think it’s cool at all. It makes the story WAY less interesting, because it humanizes the villain early on (when it’s not yet useful or poignant to the story, because it’s unearned) but it’s a red herring. The real plot twist is that the villain shouldn’t be sympathized with, just defeated: there’s a promise of nuanced storytelling, that is quickly denied and tossed aside. So is the idea of incorporating your Shadow (a notion that Bardugo must be familiar with, otherwise she wouldn’t have structured Alina and the Darkling as polar opposites who complement each other, but that she categorically refutes)

Then we have Malina. The good ship.

Look, I’m not that biased against it. I don’t want to be biased on principle against a friends to lovers dynamic that antagonizes a heroine/villain one, because every narrative is different, and for personal reasons I can deeply relate to the idea of being (unspeakably) in love with your best friend. So there are aspects of Malina that I can definitely be into, but it troubles me that in this specific context it’s framed as a regression. It’s Alina’s comfort zone, a fading dream of happiness from an idealized childhood, to sustain which the heroine systematically stunts her growth and literally repressed her own powers, something that in the books made her sickly and weak. But the narrative weirdly romanticizes this codependency, often making her tunnel vision re: going back to Mal her primary goal and centering on him her entire backstory/motivation, to the point that when she starts acting more serious re: her powers and alleged mission to destroy the Fold, it feels inorganic and unearned. 

Mal is intrinsically extraneous to Alina’s powers, he doesn’t share them, he doesn’t understand them, he has little to offer to help her with them, and so the feeling is that he’s also extraneous to her heroine’s journey, aside from being a sort of sidekick or safe harbor to eventually come back to. People have compared him to Raoul from Phantom of the Opera, and yeah, he has the same ~magic neutralizer~ vibe, tbh.

The narrative also polarizes Mal’s normalcy and relative “safety” against Aleksander’s sexy evil, framing Alina’s quasi-platonic fixation on the former as a better and purer form of love than her (much more visible and palpable) attraction to the latter. This is exacerbated by the show almost entirely relying on scenes of them as kids to convey their bond. I’m sure there are ways to depict innocent pining for your best friend that don’t involve obsessively focusing on flashbacks of two CHILDREN running in a meadow and looking exactly like brother and sister. LIKE. I get it, they’re like soulmates in every possible way, BUT DO THEY WANT TO KISS EACH OTHER?

Which brings me to a general complain: for a young adult saga centering on a young heroine and full of so many hot people, this story is weirdly unsexy? There are a lot of shippable dynamics, but they’re done in such a careless, ineffective way that makes ZERO EFFORT to work on stuff like slow burn, pining and romantic tension, and when it does it’s so heavy handed that the viewer doesn’t feel encouraged at all to fill the blanks with their imagination and start anticipating things (which is, imo, the ESSENCE of shipping). The one dynamic that got vaguely close to this is, again, Kaz and Inej, and coincidentally it’s also the one we didn’t get confirmed as romantic YET. Other than that, where’s the slow burn? What ship am I supposed to agonize over during the hiatus to season two? Has shipping become something to feel ashamed of, like an embarrassing relative you no longer want to invite in your home?

Anyway, back to Alina/Darkling/Mal, this is how the story reads to me:

girl suspects to be special, carefully pretends to be normal so she can stay with Good Boy

the girl’s powers eventually manifest; she’s forcibly separated from Good Boy

the girl’s powers attract Bad Boy who is her equal and opposite but is also a major asshole

girl initially falls for Bad Boy; has to learn a hard lesson that nobody that sexy will ever want her for who she is, he’s just trying to exploit her

also, no, there is no such thing as a Power Couple

girl is literally given a slave collar by Bad Boy through which he harnesses her power (a parody of the Twin Scars trope)

you know how the story initially suggested that the joint powers of Darkness and Light would defeat evil? LOL NO, Darkness is actually evil itself and the way you destroy evil is using Light to destroy Darkness, forget that whole Jungian bullshit of integrating your shadow, silly!

conclusion: girl realizes being special sucks. She was right all along! Hiding and suppressing her powers was the best choice! She goes back to the start, to the same Good Boy she was meekly pining for prior to the start of the story.

... there’s an uncomfortable overall subtext that reads a lot like a cautionary tale against - look, not just against darkships and villain/heroine pairings, but also *overpowered* heroines and, well... change? Growth?

Like, it’s certainly a Choice that Alina starts the story *already* in love with Mal. That she always knew it was him. The realization could have happened later (making the dynamic much more shippable, too), but no. 

#anon #asks #* #sab for ts #long post #darklina for ts #malina for ts #sorry it took me a while but i wanted to see the whole season first

[scrawnytreedemon]

Shit I’ve Been Winding Up For A Long Time Now But Am Very Aware Will Probably Hold No Relevance Should I Actually Go Into This More--

This is about Bhunivelze.

I.

You know, when I was chilling out, on my bed, that evening on that half term in early June, deciding to check up on ClementJ64′s FF retrospective because-- Hey! It’s been awhile, I wonder if he’s got around to doing the final bit of the FFXIII saga --You know, I was there, chilling, just for a laff. Just a laff.

The rest of that week was spent spiralling into a hyperfixation I absolutely did not anticipate in any way, shape, or form, because the way they introduced that character was “wwhdhfjjhHJDFJKHKJHW H A T??”

That retrospective and a good amount of wiki-scrounging is all I have as a basis for this. This is not a coherent character analysis-- Though I might tag it as that for ease of access. This is not, by any means, the thoughts of someone deeply familiar with FFXIII on the whole beyond plot synopses and overarching themes.

I don’t think I’m brave enough for that.

Reading the vast yet surface-deep lore on those wiki pages on my birthday while in a delirious state of mind was enough to make me somewhat nauseous.

Do you think I’m going to go through all of that in real time?

(Someday, someday.)

Ugh, I don’t know how to begin, but let us, I guess. I’d recommend you read this church-mime-demiurge’s FF Wiki page if you want the same level of base-knowledge I had, and maybe the aformentioned retrospective if you want the experience, because I don’t think I have the wherewithal to get into all of that from the bottom-up.

I am also, so, so fucking sorry for any remaining FFXIII fans in advance. There is like, a good chance I may be butchering the characterisation completely, so bear with me here.

With that... we begin?

Where do we even start with this guy?

How on earth to you begin to explain the absolute monolith you’ve constructed from crumbs of a Guy, some material no doubt spliced in from the Pale King, Sephiroth, y o u r  o w n  G o d  O C and other characters, and the mountains of religious trauma you carry around at all times that is probably the only reason you’ve been able to latch on as hard as you did?

I’m going to try.

What gets me, in summary, about Bhunivelze is how he’s a prime example of how love and concern can become deadly forces if in the wrong hands. His first acquainting with human emotion was by deceiving and possessing Hope, reverting his body to a teenage state, and planning to live among humanity through him. He sees human sorrow and suffering, and decides that, to End This(because it must be ended, you see) he’s going to destroy all the souls of the deceased that make up the Chaos that’s been eating this world for the past five-hundred years so they all forget and Are Happy. :).

Capital G God here hasn’t been present for the vast part of human history because he’s hidden himself away from Everything due to paranoia from killing his own mother and throwing her body into the Cosmic Basement, THEN creating the beings that would come to create humanity and OTHER beings because he didn’t have the keys to the cosmic basement. And also he believes death is a thing because she’d’ve somehow cursed all things to pass(including him) out of Spite.

Which explains why he’s so fucking averse to it and anything to do with it.

Bhunivelze, to put it lightly, is Shit at stepping into others’ shoes and Getting their experiences-- All the FalCie in FFXIII are, but him especially. It’s clear(again, in the f u c k i n g JP--) that he makes attempts to sympathise with them and does what he can to help, but it’s with such a loftiness and a complete inability to Understand why anyone would want grief, The Worst Fucking Experience In Existence, and even less why they’d be willing to Go Up Against Him And HisThe New Perfect World just for it-- And what would it matter, anyway, forgetting their loved ones. It’s not like you can grieve lost memories, right?

Right.

It reminds me of when at the end of the story of Job in the Bible, where, after putting this man through hell on earth, God rewards Job by giving him ten new children to make up for the ones that he lost. I. And that’s fucked! Nothing can replace the sheer uniqueness of each individual person you loved so dearly! But if you were a nigh-omnipotent deity high and mighty, with a cursory, almost mechanical knowledge on the functionings of the human psyche, that would seem adequete; enough.

Bhunivelze is doing that on a cosmic level.

I now want to get onto the romance: that being, his affections for Lightning. I don’t know how much I’m going to say, but it’ll probably be alot. It’s something that hits very close to home.

There is this... thing, within certain branches of Christianity, perhaps even in those of various Abrahamic faiths, where God’s love is posited to be the love-- The ultimate, most-fulfilling, all-encompassing love you could ever imagine --Because, well, he is love, so the story goes, and so often the best way to convey that is through the imagery of...

Marriage.

Giving up yourself so completely, to serve, to be the Bride; to be bound by him for all eternity; and for there to be no higher bliss than this.

This angle is pushed on young girls and women the most; from the mere parallels to the woman’s role in marriage, all the way down to downright-horrifying ultra-Evangelical purity pacts. With men, God is your dad, your best bud and confidant, your boss, your king, your this, your that, and the ‘marriage‘ as it were is relegated to a sort of half-thought; a metaphor.

For me, God was an attempt at all that, and my arranged groom.

(It was almost incestuous; was incestuous, that my own Divine Father would reach for my hand in marriage.)

Bhunivelze experiences Emotions™ for the first time through Hope, experiences Hope’s sheer overwhelming admiration for Lighting(whether there were any baby-crush feelings mixed in, I can’t say), and promptly falls into a nigh-romantic obsession with Lightning, deciding that she will be Etro(his all-but daughter)’s replacement, will be his Goddess of Death to-be-- He even calls her as such, before the final boss-battle--

...In the JP.

What happened in localisation, probably due to a number of factors, all the way back in early 2014, was that everything emotionally challenging about Bhunivelze was scraped off, like it was extra fat, and tossed aside, leaving us with the bland, clichéd shell of a foe-god we’ve seen time and time again. And I mean everything. I mean his very love for humanity; the fact his ploy was, in his eyes, to save them. Because if they’d left that all on, then it would raise the question of even if there was such a seemingly pure, all-knowing, loving being hell-bent on setting things “straight,“ would they truly be unquestionable? Would we have the right to fight for our humanity in the face of the Creator of the Universe?

To reject a love so personal?

That’s what gets me about FFXIII’s tackling of God, no matter how hackneyed and poorly-executed. It’s personal.

It’s from a feminine experience.

I know that terming is... vague, and problematic, but the way Christianity and much of the video game industry handle femininity itself is weird and problematic, so as it stands, I’ll have to simplify it. Apologies.

What sets FFXIII’s Let’s Kill God™ plot aside from most JRPG Let’s Kill God™ plots is that with our protagonist being a woman, and one who is very in touch with her femininity alongside her sheer strength; often, in these stories, God is reduced to Yet Another Foe, expected or unexpected, and you are tasked with taking him down unquestioningly for the Good of Mankind-- You will fight God, because you are right to, and you will go man-to-man-to-however-many-men you decide to bring along for the bloodbath.

And that just, doesn’t speak to me.

Even as an Extian.

Especially as an Extian. And an AFAB one with a deeply complicated experience with my gender, at that.

Leaving Christianity was painful. Questioning God was painful. Coming to terms with the fact that I had been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually traumatised under the guise of All-Encompassing Love was so, so fucking painful. I had been taught since I was five years old to devote myself to him, spent my life desperate to feel something, anything, to stay connected because I just, I never could Feel It on a deeper level, never could Give Up Myself, all I was, couldn’t Die A Spiritual Death And Be Reborn As His Eager Vessel, thus deeming myself to be worthless and a broken vessel for years and years on end... And for all that to have been... Nothing.

Lightning is hollowed out, the shards of her dead sister ripped from her in-stasis, leaving her emotionally numb for the majority of the game, Bhunivelze sweeps it under the rug, pretends he’ll perform a miracle and return Serah to life in exchange for her compliance, then sends her on her way to do his work, all the while knowing he’s going to pull said-rug from under her and elevate her such dizzying heights in the aftermath--

That he’ll deny her humanity.

Sand down all the rough edges that make her her, and polish her up afterwards, gild her as he is gilded, make her a Goddess.

And he’ll do it all because he loves her.

You can’t fight God like you can everything else. To fight It is the fight Existence Itself; FFXIII even conveys that by making Bhunivelze’s model part of the arena; it’s baked into the fabric of the game, no matter how minute.

While Lightning Returns is far from perfect in its execution of this concept, and that in itself makes me wince, not even taking into account the horribly botched excuse for a localisation Bhunivelze endured, it speaks to me more than anything else I’ve seen so far.

And it’s helped uncover some things within me. Helped me untangle them, just a little more.

So, yeah. I have alot of Thoughts on Bhunivelze, I want to share them, and I’m kinda really sad I have no one but my currently-absent friend Vee to share them with. I could get into alot more, like his very Fucked relationship with familial bonds, and how Lightning’s role as saviour so deeply parallels the overwhelming panic and never-ending guilt of Evangelical proselytisation, but I think I’ll leave those for another time.

In short, Bhunivelze is the epitome of Divine Love gone deeply wrong; on all fronts.

And if all of that isn’t enough to intrigue you, then, in Vee’s words, Lightning and Velze are literally canon endgame Sefikura lmaOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

#ffxiii #lightning returns #bhunivelze #analysis #scrawny speaks #scrawny rambles #this was written on and off over the course of a couple months #i know this will only get two notes #if even that #but fuck it i love this guy and i'm going to puke words for his sake #religion mention

[t0bey]

plum drop the essay on fuyu/peko and mondo/taka paralelles !!!! i am curious

ask and u shall recieve (inserting my first ever page break because holy FUCK this got long) 

oke! I guess I’ll start off with Peko’s initial conception as a character, which was the main initial comparison danganronpa intended between Peko and Kiyotaka.

I’ve noticed danganronpa has a tendency to re-use character tropes or roles after each game, tho their fates end up differently. For example, Chihiro was the smart, cute, and sweet character who ended up dying early on and had little significance outside of alter ego afterwards. Chiaki is the same, except if Danganronpa took Chihiro’s character and made her one of the main protagonists that has much more significance in the game. 

The staff of SDR2 confirmed that they based Peko off of Kiyotaka, from their intense red eyes (which was intentional) + predominately b&w colorscheme, they both have swords, and their characters are tied to justice, though in different ways. Not to mention both are meant to be extremely disciplined, but ultimately struggle at socializing due to their rough backstories. But that’s where Peko’s ties to Taka as an initial concept end there, because the parallels between Peko/Taka and Fuyuhiko/Mondo are a whole ‘nother ballpark.

Before bringing that up though, we should note that while their designs are significantly different, Mondo and Fuyuhiko are extremely similar in terms of their backstory and personality (down to their ability to curse like a sailor). Both struggle with an inferiority complex (Fuyuhiko w/ how he isn’t taken seriously because of his babyface, Mondo w/ how his self esteem is really fragile and gets jealous of others when he acknowledges them to be stronger than him). Both act like tough, aggressive lone-wolfs (well, Mondo pre-sauna anyways), but have been stated to have a soft side, to the point they doubt their capabilities of being a tough leader because of it. They both even have a sibling they both believe would be a better leader than them (Daiya and Natsumi). BASICALLY fuyuhiko and mondo are the same role, being the intimidating gang leader that no one should fuck with, but in actuality has a lot of insecurities behind that facade. 

Ok, ok, time to the ACTUAL relationship parallel analysis. We now know why Peko/Taka are meant to be parallels, and we can definintely make a solid claim for Fuyuhiko and Mondo. This isn’t new for Danganronpa, in their tendency to use patterns but give them a different twist depending on the game. Which is exactly what happened in  regards to chapter 2 of THH and SDR2, respectively.

The games’ chapter 1s are simple: meant to introduce the characters/game/stakes. Leon and Sayaka’s deaths were tragic, but the emotional impact of them wasn’t the main priority by the writers. Only to show that this was, indeed, a Killing Game where anyone’s possible to die. But chapter 2 of danganronpa is intended to be the chapter where you’re introduced to just how emotional and tragic the games can actually be, meant for maximum heartbreak (for both the characters and the player).

Chapter 2 of THH was where the different students’s relationships between each other became more solid. Sakura and Aoi were good friends. Toko’s obsession for Byakuya first solidified. Hifumi being Celeste’s servant, etc. Taka and Mondo’s fast developed friendship is no different. After the sauna, the two clicked so much that they believed calling each other just a friend wasn’t really accurate, and settled on calling each other brother instead. While they don’t have memories of their close friendship during Hope’s Peak at this time, it’s heavily implied that their closeness during that time made them subconsciously gravitate towards each other so fast, which could also be seen with Sakura and Aoi, and how Chihiro was able to find Makoto familiar during their introduction. 

Peko and Fuyuhiko’s relationship could be considered to be just as close. The two grew up together, quite literally since they were kids. Like Taka and Mondo’s relationship pre-sauna, Fuyuhiko and Peko’s relationship was somewhat strained, though it’s more deeply rooted than two extremely contrasting guys clashing over their perceptions of each other. Fuyuhiko is extremely insecure in his place as the Kuzuruyuu clan’s head, and sees Peko’s desire to protect him and carry out his commands as an unwanted crutch that challenges his desire to be independent, as well as extremely worrying considering how because of this, Peko devalues her own life and worth as a person. Fuyuhiko very much loves Peko as a person, and as such tried to distance himself from her during their time on Jabberwock Island. Though unfortunately, Peko took this as him loathing her in general, further cementing her desire to be his “tool” because if he couldn’t stand being around her, she might as well make herself useful to him.  

Now. Finally to get into the explicit parallels between the relationships of Kiyotaka/Mondo, and Peko/Fuyuhiko. Peko and Taka’s perspective on their relationships is a great starting point. 

Each game’s chapter 2 shows just how willing both Taka and Peko are willing to go in order to protect Mondo and Fuyuhiko. Peko’s motive for killing Mahiru wasn’t to escape, but to in her eyes save Fuyuhiko from the Killing Game, by using herself as his tool to carry out muder, and have everyone incorrectly vote for her so Fuyuhiko could get away. She was his bodyguard in the truest sense of the word. Now in THH’s chapter 2, instead of fighting against Mondo in proving his guilt, you’re fighting Kiyotaka. He refuses any evidence you throw at him, arguing relentlessly to prove Mondo’s innocence, to the point the only reason he stopped was because Mondo told him to. And you later find out, in chapter 3, that Kiyotaka felt so determined to prove Mondo’s innocence was because he felt like it was his responsibility to, as he cared for Mondo so much. 

So, in a way, Taka considers himself Mondo’s bodyguard. Just without the years worth of reinforcement that you’re nothing but a tool to be used which makes you devalue your own worth as a person. (Not that his self esteem and willpower wasn’t ultimately crushed by Mondo’s execution, but that’s only because the circumstances he lost him was undenyingly brutal considering the Killing Game). While the circumstances of Peko’s desire to protect Fuyuhiko are really murky and problematic considering how she was raised, Danganronpa confirmed that she protected him so much because of her care for him, to the point she was willing to sacrifice her own life to assure that Fuyuhiko is safe. And Kiyotaka was willing to go to the exact same drastic measures, by voting for himself. 

It’s also worth noting that in the stage play, he willingly accepted to be punished alongside him by doing this to make sure Mondo doesn’t die alone. 

So from my own understanding, Super Danganronpa 2 took the tragedy of Mondo and Taka’s relationship, and flipped it so that while it still follows its signature use of repetitive patterns, they made the circumstances different, but just as heartbreaking. And how? Because they took the Taka of the relationship, and made Peko the culprit. It’s not the Mondo this time, which is who you’re supposed to expect to be the culprit, because of your expectation from THH’s trial 2. 

Peko tried her best to protect Fuyuhiko, much like Kiyotaka tried to after he recognized the fact Mondo was the blackened. Both were, at the expense of their classmate’s and their own lives, were willing to protect them both, no matter what. Peko took a more active role in trying to do this however, which is what Kiyotaka severely regretted not doing, as stated in chapter 3. 

And Fuyuhiko is what would have happened if Mondo was forced to face the consequences of his actions (in Fuyu’s case, being partially responsible for Mahiru’s death, in Mondo’s case, Chihiro’s). Instead of Taka arguing to prove Mondo’s innocence, it’s Fuyuhiko who’s doing that for Peko. A deliberate use of subverting the pattern given to us by THH’s chapter 2.  

That’s the main takeaway, but I suppose I should also address the romantic parallels while I’m at it. I personally don’t like Kuzupeko as a romantic relationship, mainly because of how Peko’s self worth and personal value of herself as a person was as a direct result from being considered Fuyuhiko’s “tool” and their professional relationship as yakuza leader/henchman. Fuyuhiko does love her as a person, but that doesn’t negate the years of psychological degradation Peko endured to consider herself as a tool. Though in typical Danganronpa fashion, they choose to gloss over the problematic aspects of their relationship while heavily implying romantic subtext between them. So while I can’t say I’m a fan, I know the game/DR3 anime says otherwise. 

And as for Ishimondo, I know some will disagree with me, but I definitely feel that their relationship is heavily lined with romantic subtext as well. Not much is really explicit in the game outside of Ishida and Hifumi’s romantic rivalry for alter ego (who Taka considers Mondo), but the mangas and posters definitely show their relationship that most would consider normal for couples.

But at the end of the day? Both Peko and Taka love Fuyuhiko and Mondo, whether or not you consider both, one, or none of their relationship to be romantic. They wouldn’t have put their own lives on the line if it was anything else. And it’s that emotional connection between Kiyotaka and Mondo, and Peko and Fuyuhiko that’s meant to give you an emotional punch in the gut for THH and SDR2’S chapter 2’s, because of how far the two were willing to protect them.

#ask #spaceymedicgamer #kiyotaka ishimaru #peko pekoyama #cw kuzupeko #ishimondo #danganronpa #super danganronpa 2 #DanganRonpa: Trigger Happy Havoc

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Akio

CW: References to the death of a friend, grief, suicide, murder 

Sequel to Found Out and this past flashback to Oliver Branch

The sound of thin, breaded pork cutlets frying in the big pan on the stove fills the air, and Akio breathes in the familiar smell where he lays on his back on his parents’ gigantic cream-colored sectional couch, stretched out across the whole length of it on one side. Not that he’s all that tall to take up all that much space, really, but what matters is that he would definitely have fallen asleep by now if it weren’t for holding his phone up over his face.

It fell on him, once, and he’s pretty sure no one noticed. Emi, his younger sister, hasn’t even looked up once from her own phone, except once to triumphantly announce that no one caught her and they all voted someone else off the ship. Then she looked back down and never looked back up.

Akio frowns, looking at his own screen, tapping his thumbs as he writes out an answer to the person messaging him. “Hey, Mom?”

“Yes?” His mother looks up from cooking, her eyes moving through the big open space right to him. They’d knocked down all the walls when they bought the house, open-concept-something-something. Akio didn’t care, but it was apparently deeply important to his parents. Something about family togetherness.

“You remember Tristan Higgs, right?”

Aimi pauses, tucks a bit of her short black hair behind one ear to get it out of her eyes as she flips the pork cutlets on by one, to get the other side nicely browned, too. The sizzling ratchets up in volume and then back down again. Next to her sits four bowls already filled with rice, and the table already has the vegetables ready to go. “Of course, honey. Oh, the anniversary’s coming up, isn’t it? I have an alarm set on my phone… did you want to go to the cemetery next week to see Ronnie and Paul?”

“Ew, no creepy graveyards for me, thanks,” Emi says, eyes still glued to her phone.

“We wouldn’t take you anyway,” Akio says, rolling his eyes. “You don’t even remember Tris or his parents.”

“I do, too. I was like seven. He was really nice. Mrs. Higgs was really nice, too. Mr. Higgs was weird.” 

“Wow, what a stellar eulogy that was, Emi. I can see why you want to be a writer when you grow up. The description there was just incredible.”

“Oh, go drive into a lake,” Emi says, without any particular rancor in her voice. 

“If you’re going to fight, I’m going to send you two upstairs so I at least don’t have to listen to it,” Aimi says, moving the cutlets to rest on a paper plate with paper towels lining it while she heats mirin, soy sauce, and… some other stuff in a different pan. Honestly, Akio has no idea exactly how katsudon happens, all he cares about is that it’s the perfect after-practice food and he is starving.

Except he keeps getting distracted by this guy on Insta. “Anyway, Mom, um, about Tris. So… yeah, I do want to go out and see his parents next week, yeah, but-... there’s this guy on Instagram who keeps asking about him. That’s… that’s weird, right?”

Aimi looks up, blinking. “Asking about Tristan? What is he asking?”

“Just like… he says he saw the video I put up on youtube, and he’s asking, like… what was his birthday, and did he like fried chicken, was he autistic, and… did he like musical soundtracks. This is weird stuff to ask a total stranger, right?”

“A little.” Aimi pauses while she watches the pan, and then pours a small bowl with beaten eggs into it, watching them spread and start to lighten to a puffy yellow as it cooked in the already-boiling liquid mixture. “Did you ask why he wants to know?”

“I did, but he just said he’s doing some research or something. But, like… research on what?” Akio taps on the guy’s little profile photo, bringing the profile itself up. “His username is benthebadmagician. Okay that’s-... that’s kind of cute.” 

Aimi’s voice turns sly. “Is this Ben cute?” 

“Ugh, gross, Mom. That’s not-... I mean he’s kind of-... that’s not important.”

“Ooooh, eyeballin’ the insta-hotties,” Emi singsongs. “Aki’s gettin’ desperate. Just get a freaking dating app like everyone else.”

“Already on it, Emi.”

“Then why exactly don’t you get any dates? Oh, right.” Emi sits forward and grins. “I forgot about your personality.”

Akio throws a throw pillow at her and the big orange poof misses by a mile. Emi laughs, getting to her feet and wandering over to the fridge, pulling a can of soda out and popping the top. “Aren’t you an athlete, how the hell did you miss that?”

“Language,” Aimi warns, waving a spoon at her daughter. She gently places the cutlets into the cooking eggs to finish up. “No swearing under my roof, young lady.”

“Aki swears all the time!”

“Aki is twenty-four years old,” Aimi says, almost primly. “And he doesn’t swear where I can hear him.”

“What, so it doesn’t count if you don’t hear him?”

“Of course it doesn’t, how do I know if I don’t hear him?”

Akio smiles, faintly, but he’s scrolling through the Ben guy’s instagram feed now. Just looking at the grid of squares, photos and videos. Lots of coffees and food, people laughing, photos of a girl with really pretty hair. Photos of Ben the Bad Magician himself. Nerd, Akio thinks, but cute nerd - definitely nose-in-a-book type. Nice brown hair, nice smile. 

“Oh look at that face,” Emi says, eyebrows raised. “Ben the Insta-Weirdo actually is cute huh?”

“Go eat slugs.” Akio keeps scrolling down and down, not sure what he’s looking for. Autism awareness banners - he checks those to learn the Ben guy’s got an autistic little brother, and his friend Christopher is autistic. There’s a couple slides, and he swipes his finger to what he assumes is a photo of the Ben guy with the little brother, who looks almost exactly like him, just a whole bunch younger and looking, unsmiling, off to one side while Ben grins at the camera.

Akio doesn’t bother checking the last slide - it’s probably just whoever the Chris guy is. He backs back out to the grid of thumbnails. Maybe he just picked up on the stuff Tris always did when he was excited, and got curious? Maybe his little brother liked the video? Akio’s gotten a couple comments from people saying they liked seeing an autistic kid just be fucking happy in public without getting shit on for it, and that used to be a big deal for Mrs. Higgs, too...

The question about musicals keeps snagging at him. Tris loved musicals, went through cycles with them. He and Akio had a whole routine done to a song in Hairspray, just for fun, when Tris was obsessed with that for a while. And then they were going to do the Time Warp as a routine once...

Akio keeps scrolling, only vaguely aware of his sister and mother talking, and Emi leaving the room to go call their dad in for dinner. 

Emi stops in the doorway and turns back. “Don’t forget to get his phone number, Aki. You can definitely trust strangers on the internet creepily interested in your dead best friend, right?”

Akio looks up, then, blinking at her. “Emi, that’s-...”

She seems to catch herself, and gives him a sheepish smile. “Sorry, Aki. That got bitchy.”

“Language,” Aimi reminds her. “But I appreciate you apologizing. Does anyone even hear me say to use nice language any longer?”

“No,” Akio and Emi say in unison, and then Emi disappears down the hallway, bellowing for their father in her loudest voice even though she could easily walk up the stairs and not have to yell at all. 

Akio looks at his mother and deadpans, “Your daughter is really weird.”

Aimi matches him tone for tone. “Your sister is weirder.” 

She places the cutlets on top of the rice bowls with the egg just underneath the meat, carrying them one by one to the table, setting them each down in their place, and then grabs her glass of wine, patiently waiting for her while she cooked. She pads on bare feet across the hardwood floor over to the pale white rug, soft as down underfoot, and stands next to where Akio is laying down. “Are you looking at the profile?”

“I am, yeah. I don’t know what I’m looking for, really, just… hey, wait.” Akio stops at the thumbnail preview for a video, tapping to open it up. It starts with a blue-haired boy smiling, and his smile hits Akio all odd, makes his throat tighten and his heart start to race. The boy in the video puts up a finger and backs up, glances over his shoulder at a TV screen behind him playing the tango scene from Rent. 

Akio blinks as the boy holds out a hand and a girl with really gorgeous long wavy hair takes it, the two of them moving effortlessly into a perfect mimicry of the dance on screen. The room they’re in is mostly empty, furniture shoved to the walls to turn what looks like some kind of lobby into a dancing space.

“Wow, that kid can really dance,” Akio murmurs, but the smile catches him, tugs at the back of his mind. The blue-haired boy can’t keep the grin off his face, it has to hurt to smile so big for so long, and the last person Akio thought that about was…

“You got this, Chris!” Someone calls from offscreen, and for a second Akio hears Tris and catches his breath, but no, no, they said Chris. Someone else claps for Mari - that must be the girl, maybe. 

They continue to dance, and Akio can’t tear his eyes away. “Mom? Do you see this?”

Aimi looks up from straightening some magazines on the coffee table and leans over, sipping her wine absently. “See what, honey?”

“Look,” Akio whispers. His throat is closing up, he can’t manage anything more than that. 

The two do a spin, and then burst out laughing, and the Chris boy stands back up straight, throwing his arms up like he’s just hit a perfect landing-

“Oh my god,” Aimi says next to him, her own voice strangled and choked, and Akio feels his mother’s hand suddenly clutch onto his shoulder. “Aki, is-”

“He’s dead,” Akio whispers. “He killed himself after his parents-... he’s dead, Mom.”

The Chris boy looks right at whoever was filming the video, shoots them a brilliant, shining smile, and then starts rocking, his hands moving through the air and twisting at the wrists, bouncing up and down on his toes.

Akio’s breath is shuddering in and out, and his heart pounds, trying to break out of his chest. “He’s-... Mom, he’s dead.”

“His aunt had him cremated,” Aimi says, but her lips are barely moving and the wineglass is loos in her fingers. “After they found him. She didn’t want a funeral.”

“He’s dead,” Akio repeats, thinking of the smile, the movements, the shy way he ducks his head at the end when people clap him on the back. He backs up to the wall again, keeps scrolling, looks for more pictures of the blue hair. He opens every single one he can find, searching for something, some sign that will tell him he’s not seeing what he knows he’s seeing. “His aunt took his phone away after like three months and then he was dead a month later, wasn’t he?”

There’s a pause.

“Mom? Mom, didn’t he kill himself like four months after they died? Didn’t he?” Akio’s voice sounds weak and is getting weaker. “Mom, please-... please answer me, didn’t he-”

“He left a note,” Aimi whispers. “His aunt-... she said he left a note, that he couldn’t live without them. It’s-... I never thought-... I never thought to question her, Aki, I never-... she was Ronnie’s family...”

He clicks another video.

“You’re a fucking mess, Christopher,” The girl from the dance video says, sitting in a tank tops and shorts on the edge of a bathtub. “Letting your roots grow out like that. But don’t you worry, Madam Mari is here to help!”

“Please don’t, don’t don’t-don’t call yourself Madam. Please?” A voice says, uneasily, and the blue-haired boy moves into the screen. “For, for, for me?”

“Yeah, no problem, Chris. Why’d you let it grow out so bad, anyway?”

His hair’s not blue in this one - or it is, but only about half of it. Pale and faded, but the top of his hair has grown back in for about three inches, and it’s coppery strawberry blond. He turns to the camera and gives a sheepish smile. “I, I got distracted and for, um, forgot.”

Aimi’s wineglass slips from her fingers, hits the floor, sprays wine like blood across the pristine white rug. 

Neither of them notices.

“I… I cried for him for like a year straight,” Akio chokes out, and he finds more pictures, more videos, more more more. He opens them up and then backs out of them again, unable to stop himself. Every photo shows him some shard of the mirror reflection of a dead boy all grown up - a sparkle of green eyes, happy motions in the background of a video, more of that familiar sunny smile. “I kept-... I kept all the stuff he left in my room, I saved all h-his text messages from before he d, disappeared, I-”

“This can’t be him,” Aimi says in a fierce whisper. “It can’t be, Aki, it can’t.”

Akio taps on another video.

The boy ties his long blue hair back in it, glancing sidelong at the camera, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “And, and, and you’ll, um, you’ll buy the, the, the-the-the nachos?”

“If you can still do it? Yeah, absolutely. Seeing that’s worth a plate of nachos to me. I’ll even buy you those fucking margaritas you like.”

“Chris just likes the sugar,” Someone else says, and Chris sticks his tongue out at them.

He takes a few steps back, rolling his shoulders, shaking out his arms. 

Akio tells himself that if the Chris on the screen doesn’t nail this, it can’t be him, it can’t be him at all. 

The boy puts his hands up, then down at his sides, back bowed briefly in a motion Akio knows too, too well, knows better than he knows breathing. The boy takes off across the grass without hesitation and-

Akio and Aimi both exhale.

-he jumps forward, dips at the waist, catches himself on his hands and does a perfect set of three backflips across a big grassy lawn, stumbling the landing but his feet pop right back into final position, and he throws his arms up with his chin lifted, and someone offscreen shouts, “Perfect Ten, Stanton!”

The boy laughs, shakes his head, says, “I’d be, be, be dinged for the, um, the landing, but-... but, but good, right? I did good? Laken?”

Someone with the coolest hair Akio has seen steps into the screen and they hug, kiss briefly, and then Chris apparently can’t handle the happy emotions because he backs away to start bouncing up and down, grinning.

He looks back at the camera. “Want to see me, me, me... me do it again?”

“He’s not dead,” Aimi says, and her voice sounds like someone closed their hands around her throat. “Oh, Ronnie-”

“What the fuck happened to Tristan fucking Higgs?” Akio’s voice is barely audible over the sound of the video starting over. “He’s… he’s not dead. He’s not dead, Mom, he’s not-... he’s not dead, Mom, he’s not dead and he’s right-... that the university, right? He’s not dead, and he’s, has he-... has he been here the whole fucking time?”

His mother doesn’t chide him for language this time. Her hand tightens on Akio’s shoulder as red wine soaks the rug beneath her feet and she whispers, “Give that Ben boy your number. Tell him to call you.”

Her fingernails ache where they dig into his skin through his shirt.

“Now.”

---

Tagging: @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @slaintetowhump , @astrobly @newandfiguringitout , @doveotions , @pretty-face-breaker , @boxboysandotherwhump , @oops-its-whump @moose-teeth , @cubeswhump , @cupcakes-and-pain @whump-tr0pes @whumpiary @orchidscript

#chris the strawberry blond romantic #akio nakamura #hidden whumpee #found whumpee #trauma recovery #parental death mention #death mention #suicide mention #angst #bbu #box boy #box boy universe

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 11; the rewatch edition

I have found a bit more enthusiasm for this one on the rewatch, so here goes!

- din snapping ‘I’m trying my best here!’ in a vaguely annoyed tone as his entire ship is going up in flames around him because he mostly doesn’t get angry as much as sulky... the height of cinema 

- I love frog husband’s clothes, because they’re in a very similar style and colour scheme to frog lady’s but also incorporate the knitwear we see on the people of trask, so it both underlines his belonging with her and implies that he’s been on this moon for quite a while, they may have been apart for some time  

especially his scarf is a darling detail and there’s a bit of contrast in texture to it next to his wife’s, it’s nice. he’s wearing a similar kind of vest to what we see on the fishermen later, too 

- I think my favourite part of this entire episode (well second after din cradling the baby against him after nearly drowning) is just the design and Vibe of the planet and especially this harbour

for one I LOVE that it’s shown that even in the middle of the day it’s dark enough that the electric lights are still on when it’s overcast (it reminds me a bit of norway during the winter, actually, when dawn just never quite breaks and then slinks off in embarrassment before it’s even noon). and there’s also the... sails? nets? hanging around looking almost like flags, which are very Aesthetic but god knows what they’re for. maybe for drying fish on in the summer? 

I think the building in the distance behind frog husband’s back here is a lighthouse? or it could be one of those towers for loading you see when they scout out the empire ship too, I suppose!

and one for my strange obsession with Texture on this show: these fabric-covered crates!!! they look exactly as dingy and moldy as you’d expect them to be in this climate, I wonder what they’re for (& I vaguely want to touch them) 

- from the sound of it din’s vibroknife is uh ‘on’ when he pokes the squid thing, and he also goes for the tentacle the furthest away from the baby <3

proof the calamari flan have been scratched up a bit during all that time in din’s pockets! (the attention to detail in this show sometimes istg) 

- this is 100% me reading too much into things again, call the overthinking police I’ll do my time meekly lol, but the boat looks a little bit like the mudhorn signet from this angle: 

again din keeps his hand on or sooo close to his blaster in this entire scene, he knows this is sketch as all hell 

a) once again I want to praise the effects team for how GOOD the aliens look in this episode holy shit and b) the hell is this dude wearing on the straps of his overalls tho 

- the dude mando (axe woves) uses his little... wrist launcher thing to shoot with to finish two off the fishermen, so my theory that they can be loaded with other things than the whistling birds for slightly less effective use (maybe without the level of honing we’ve seen din’s be able to do?) is looking good!

- din actually has quite good form when diving into the water, I’m guessing he can swim at least tolerably when not in full armour, being stabbed at from all directions, having just had his son eaten by a sea monster and also being trapped in with said sea monster (I’m a strong swimmer and I can tell you that there’s a reason they make you swim with clothes on from time to time to see how hard it is, it sucks. with metal plates strapped all over you as well? yeah good luck) people don’t tend to hit the water that gracefully without some kind of training in my experience lol. might be some of the training with the jet pack has carried over too, considering he throws himself off that cliff in chapter 12 with similar confidence?

it’s interesting that they’re once again showing us a threat where the armour doesn’t help and even hinders him. we’re so used to the ways it can make him near-invincible, but it can also drag him down (literally, in this case. aha ha ha. well if I’m not here for my own entertainment then what am I here for honestly)

- din’s voice sounding like he’s just on the verge of crying as he cradles the baby (and the sound he makes as he realizes the baby’s alive) is my kryptonite, turns out. fucking breaks my heart into tiny pieces every time, I would die for this man and he wouldn’t let me

- in support of din’s paranoia: so far this season we haven’t been able to go five minutes without someone talking about peeling the precious beskar off a mandalorian corpse, I can see why his mind was primed to move in one particular way there

- I think the fabric of din’s cape has been treated with something that makes it waterproof; the water seems to pearl on top of it rather than soak in! can you imagine how heavy it would get if it did absorb water tho christ

(a bit hard to see at this size but that’s what it looked like to me close up anyway! could also be that it’s wool and that’s why it looks that way but I prefer an elaborate sci-fi explanation here, because it doesn’t look particularly weighed down afterwards) might also explain why he doesn’t seem worried about it catching on fire when he uses the jetpack haha, maybe this is something the mandos do with fabric they’re going to use for a long time 

I also enjoy part of the gambeson/undersuit thing poking up from under the shoulder pauldron and cape; I think this is about as disheveled as we’ve seen him since immediately post-mudhorn 

- the sound mixing in this scene, where din’s breathing is layered a bit over everything else so you almost feel like you’re in the helmet with him listening to what the others are saying........ oh my GOD, it embeds you so deeply in his POV but so subtly 

- not to be biased or anything... but din and the armorer’s armour design is so vastly superior to these guys it shouldn’t even be a competition lol 

din looks like an honest to god knight in shining armour except also sci-fi western and the armorer looks like a fucking war goddess from a time beyond memory; the clone wars mandos look like high end cosplayers (eh maybe it’s just my dislike for the boobplates that has me so 😒 lol. also a lot of dudes were very shitty about that whole thing and I don’t say anything but the ‘vaguely-concerned will remember this’ telltale message pops up in the corner every time) 

moment of saltiness over: I do like the differentiation between their individual character designs 

the differences in body type and helmet design is nice! they look like a unified team, but with individuality. I suspect the ladies have those belts and their armour plates on the hips instead of the front of the thighs to emphasize the ‘female’ silhouette, which. okay fine whatever

- bo katan looks very pointedly down at the baby after saying ‘a group of religious zealots who want to return to the ancient ways’ which makes me VERY nervous for reasons I can’t quite articulate

- the mournful guitar version of the mando theme as din watches the sunset...... hmmmmngh (this might be some Symbolism happening to us folks strap in for the identity crisis he still hasn’t processed) 

- I Cannot get over din being so unimpressed by and uninterested in bo katan’s ‘retake mandalore’ sales pitch from literally the first moment dfhasdkjfhsad sorry lady kryze this man just does not do main quest shit, he’s all side quests all the time and that’s why I love him  

- as someone who after chapter 8 wrote a whole-ass fic that was wholly & exclusively about din telling the baby he’ll always come back for him... some of the shit he’s been saying this season does feel like it’s been written to mercilessly victimize me, personally and specifically 

- guessing this structure in the background is the traffic control tower! doesn’t really matter, I just thought it was neat

- this part of the soundtrack is called ‘ship o hoj, mandalorians!’, which I found incredibly charming haha (it’s ‘ship ahoy’ except how you write it in swedish, good one herr göranson)  

- bo katan is vague about who exactly the new mand’alor would be if they took back mandalore to begin with, she doesn’t specify she is planning to be the ruler until she’s already got din on the ship and in no position to refuse to help. gotta respect the grift at least lol  

I do love her voice, though, it reminds me a bit of jennifer hale as shepard

- “I need to get back to my ship, with the foundling” your honor I uh love him so fucking much 

- frog lady stroking the baby’s back a bit as she holds her hand behind him to make sure he doesn’t fall backwards while playing with the tadpole ;___________;

and also frog husband and frog lady reaching out to hold hands and frog smooching as din and yodito leave ;____________________________________________;

- when din says the exasperated “mon calamari. unbelievable” line, the baby makes that little blowing a raspberry sound he does as if to agree ‘uh-huh unbelu -- unbelly -- unbelievable dad smh’ and it is very very adorable 

- there’s quite a bit of Stuff in the concept art that didn’t make it in this time around; I wonder if maybe they cut some stuff for pacing or whatever and that’s why this episode is so short? water leaking into the cockpit of the razor crest, something that looked a bit like whaling going on on the docks and more spaceships taking off (maybe there were originally meant to be some smaller ships defending the big empire one?), there’s quite a bit here  

#star wars #the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian meta

[theawakenedstate]

This is the True Moment of Healing…

I can do this. 

But the criticism hold strong in my mind. 

I can do this. 

But my ego keeps telling me all the ways I’m a failure and it will never happen for me. 

I can do this. 

But my mind keeps guiding me to look for all the things that are actually wrong with me. 

I can do this. 

Because Actually I love my self so much that I Choose to Encourage myself, instead of constantly beat myself up for my choices. 

I choose to trust myself. 

I choose to focus on Believing I always make the right decisions because I am tuned into my intuition and my soul. 

My soul is guided by my alignment, my magnetism, How could that actually lead me astray, 

When i Know in my absolute CORE, My Alignment always guides me to activate my power in the path of least resistance – it can’t NOT. 

Once I activate it. 

I can do this. 

But who are you to have that? Who are you to teach that?  You’re still not doing it right?! Who are you to do that, you’re obviously just a beginner. 

Who are you, you’re just selfish anyway, a spoiled brat, 

A person who only things of herself. 

But I can do this. 

I’m actually doing a great job being me. 

I actually love and accept I am not Perfect. 

I actually accept my power today to choose. 

I choose to love my shadow and what it teaches me. 

I can do this. 

I am over shaming the voice of my past. 

I am over HATING, the voice of my past. 

Instead I choose. 

To walk in the face of duality. 

Instead I choose, 

I Can do this. 

I can let my encouragement be stronger than my criticism. 

I can do this. 

I can recognize a Life built on CRITICISM and JUDGMENT has been destroying my path of success, receiving and refusal to let go. 

But I can Love, Appreciate and Accept that encouragement CAN change my Life. 

And so the Mind fights for comfort, 

While the Soul soothes  us into Change. 

So the ego fights for safety,  while the Soul whispers us to change. 

So the mind fights for familiarity and stagnation, 

While the soul guides us to step into the unknown of present infinite possibilities and true self expansion. 

Liberation can only be found by holding the hand of shadow, while walking with duality into the light. 

Are you willing to walk with duality to recognize your own Emotional Liberation? 

Alignment occurs the moment we decide to Activate our Power in the Path of Least Resistance. 

Alignment is often the glue that is missing when we are looking for:

making our life easier Healing our negative emotions spiraling in our minds Receiving in our manifesting,  Managing our emotions so they are healthier,  Taming the Voice of the Ego so we can hear soul more clearly,   

This is the True Moment of healing…

How do I know?

Because what you see above, is exactly how I started healing YEARS of conditioned criticism and judgment, that constantly held me in a cycle of self-sabotage, emotional neglect, connection and keeping at arms length, healthy channels of true support. 

This work sometimes isn’t always easy, but it sure as hell is worth it. 

To diminish emotional meltdowns?  To have a Life you’re grateful to wake up to in the morning?  To have outstanding boundaries that you know who the fuck you are and you won’t allow people to eff with that.  To understand your worth sooo deeply, you stop settling across all areas of our lives. 

We can say spiritual concepts are fluffy and woohoo 

or we can start to realize that understanding the energetics that makes up the core foundation of reality, 

is inevitably how we Rise in our Personal Power and begin to take our Life back into our hands. 

mmm sooo beautiful to see the world in the true liberation of YOUR PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE. 

It exists within you. 

And it becomes more accessible, 

when you learn to activate your own personal channels

of true Alignment 

inside of you, 

Ready to Join us? 

__

THE ALIGNMENT RESET IS NOW OPEN OFFICIALLY

 This for those of you who are feeling:

Are you Over Being constantly in “do mode” over-working, over-achieving & sacrificing as a result?

Are you feeling stuck, frozen or letting fear keep you in inaction? Do you find yourself being more reactive emotionally and seeking approval in your relationships? Are you obsessing about those damn hows and getting stopped on what to do next? Most importantly are you not following through and putting yourself last? And are you ready to end the self-sabotage for good?

If I am hearing a hell yes – then it’s time for an Alignment Reset 😘

This Challenge is designed to get you out of Misalignment and teach you over the course of 21 days the unique ways we can access our personal energetic alignment.

The challenge will also teach you some powerful techniques to Shift your Mindset & reprogram your mind so you can stop letting fear run the show.

This will be a 21 day Journey together with mini-coaching Lessons each day  where you will learn:

How to Cultivate More Awareness to Remove Resistance Patterns 

Manage your Energy to Shift your Mindset & environments 

Raise your Vibrations Naturally to Re-align with Higher Truth & work with your body 

And

Manifest with more ease by exercising your Co-creative Power from a place of Alignment.

How it Works: 

This challenge will be self-paced with a free fb support group to share your journey and engage with other members through the challenge.

Receive immediate access to the challenge and day 1 upon purchase so you can dive right in. receive day 2 the next day and so forth. 

You Receive: Each Day You receive a Video Lesson, Journal Prompt, Mantra, Action step or exercise as your challenge assignment. Also with the option of a fb mini assignment to share your journey and keep you in the excitment of the challenge. 

Potent Soul work:  Journal prompts, mantras, exercises & Action steps to get you pumped into applying this information immediately. 

Combining the Spiritual and Practical together. Keeping it real here with raw unedited video,  a couple of meditations thrown-in.

BONUS 2021 UPGRADE LIVE TRAININGS HOT SEAT Q&A COACHING CALLS ADDED: Receive Three Live Trainings  with me, on New Alignment Lessons i’ve learned since I last released this class.

Some of the Topics included: Activating our Power in the Path of Least Resistance,  How to Listen to Your Own Alignment to create more ease & flow in your life and Understanding Alignment in terms of Being Magnetically You and attracting from this space.

Lots of fun new topics to cover as my understanding of Alignment has grown. (If you’re previous alumni of the program, you receive this upgrade automatically & can attend the live training, because why not! )  

One thing i’ve learned with challenges & community is a challenge helps us stay on our toes, it keeps us accountable to keep going, and when we stray we lean on community, pick ourselves up and just keep going! 

Also I just love to mention this is literally my best-selling program and I haven’t launched it officially since June of last year. So many people have been telling me about it lately, so I decided it was the perfect time to relaunch it. 

If you’d love to take the challenge, 

Learn more about all of this Below: 

The Alignment Reset 21 Day Challenge >>> https://theawakenedstate.net/

(Also I gotta say I love the new branding style I picked out for the challenge, I was drawn to pictures of a sunset and this happened,  check it out 😘 )

Challenge closes on Sunday

July 18th at midnight CST  (or until i get the sales page down :P) 

We start Officially on Monday July 19th. 

Sending love, good health and abundance your way, Blessings! 

Any Questions about the Alignment Reset contact me or comment below.  

https://theawakenedstate.net/soul-unleashed-activations-this-is-the-true-moment-of-healing/

Soul Unleashed Activations: This is the True Moment of Healing...

This is the True Moment of Healing… I can do this.  But the criticism hold strong in my mind.  I can do this.  But my ego keeps telling me all the ways I’m a failure and it will never happen for me.  I can do this.  But my mind keeps guiding me to look for all the things that are […]

#channelings #divine feminine writings #healing #mind body work #unleashed

[andhumanslovedstories]

Recent country songs that have made me literally gay gasp as a gay woman, in order of how much they make me want to write an essay on gender and queerness

HONORARY MENTION BUT JUST BECAUSE I THINK THIS IS TECHNICALLY AMERICANA NOT COUNTRY (but genre is fake) AND THIS SONG ISN’T RECENT (2014 and I’ve been listening to it faithfully since then) BUT I ONLY RECENTLY LEARNED IT’S A COVER AND THAT’S MADE ME RECONTEXTUALIZE IT: “Murder in the City” by Brandi Carlile, a cover of The Avett Brothers where she changed the words “make sure my sister knows I loved her/make sure my mother knows the same” to “make sure my wife knows that I love her/make sure my daughter knows the same” which fucking. fucking gets me. Especially since the first time that I heard this song, I assumed it was from a man’s point of view because of that line, and then I learned that Brandi Carlile is a lesbian and I was caught up in my foolish heteronormitivity, and then I learned it was a cover and thought oh okay I guess the song is originally from a man’s pov and it’s cool she covered, and then I learned she changed those lines to make a song that already feels deeply personal to her to explicitly include her love for a woman and the family they’ve made together. And that’s just. It’s all just a lot. 

3) “Fooled Around and Fell in Love” by Miranda Lambert featuring Maren Morris, Elle King, Ashley McBryde, Tenille Townes and Caylee Hammack, because the first time it came up on my spotify, I saw the title and was like “hey dope I like this song” and then I heard the first line was still “I must have been through about a million girls” and I realized none of the words or pronouns were getting changed and I was getting the song I’ve always wanted and deserved: a high production value, high energy, big girl group tribute to being a lesbian fuckboy who Fooled Around And, oops can you believe it, Fell in Love. 

2) “If She Ever Leaves Me” by The Highwomen, sung by Brandi Carlile who is, as mentioned, lesbian, but since I’m apparently still chugging my comp het juice, I was still trying to figure out if this song--a classic “hey buddy keep walking, she’s my girl and she’s not interested” song with an interesting element of the singer being aware the relationship might not last anyway--was gonna be explicitly queer. And then there’s the line, “That's too much cologne, she likes perfume,” and I was like OH HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! 

This is immediately followed by the lines “I’ve loved her in secret/I’ve loved her out loud” which is also deliciously queer in this context, with this singer and that juxtaposition, but the line that really fucking got me is my favorite of the song: “If she ever leaves, it's gonna be for a woman with more time.” This is two women in a complicated relationship. This isn’t just a “keep walking, cowboy” song, it’s a song that uses that framework to suggest a whole ass “Finishing the Hat”** relationship, and that’s so interesting to me. Like a song that isn’t just explicitly about two women in love but one that conveys very quickly a rich history between the two of them. And in a genre where the line “Kiss lots of boys, kiss lots of girls if that’s something you’re into” was revolutionary representation.

(Fun fact, “Follow Your Arrow” was partially written by Brandy Clarke, another country lesbian! Another fun fact, so is basically every other good country song. Brandy Clark, please write a big lesbian country anthem, I know it will immediately kill me on impact.) 

To quote one youtube comment, “”lesbians how we feeling??” and to answer by quoting some others, “As a closeted baby gay in the 90s, who was into country, this song would have changed my life”, “I just teared up.  So many happy tears, as a gay woman raised on country music,  this is something that's definitely been needed.  Thank you Brandi. Thank you highwomen”, “This song means more than I can say in a youtube comment”, and “Lesbians needed this song :)”

It’s me. I’m lesbians. 

**ANOTHER HONORARY MENTION EXCEPT IT ISN’T RECENT AND IT ISN’T COUNTRY SO I GUESS THIS IS JUST A MENTION, BUT I AM INTERESTED IN THIS SONG--“Finishing the Hat” by Kelli O’Hara. A very good Sondheim joint, that’s about making art, the costs of its obsessive and exclusive nature and the incomparable pleasure of putting something into the world that wasn’t there before. It’s such a traditionally male narrative that I’m thrilled to find a wonderful female cover of it. I’m not even fussed about her changing the gender from the lover who won’t wait for the artist (except that the shift from “woman” to “one man” sounds so clunky) because there’s value turning this song into a lament of the men who won’t love artistic women. But I do also wish she’d also recorded a version that kept the original gender so it would be gay. OKAY BROADWAY TANGENT OVER, BACK TO COUNTRY. 

1) “Highwomen” by The Highwomen, ft. Yola and Sheryl Crow. I can’t even express the full body chills the first time I heard this. Like repeated, multiple chills renewed at every verse of the song. This really closely parallels my experience with “Fooled Around and Fell in Love” up there, because when I started it I was like “oh dope I know what this cover will be” and then the lyrics started and I was like “OH MY GOD I DIDN’T.” In the case of “Fooled Around” it’s because I was amazed that they kept the original words. In the case of “Highwomen” I fucking transcended because they changed them. 

So I grew up on Johnny Cash, obsessed with a couple of his albums but largely with a CD I had of his greatest hits. (Ask me how many times I listened to the shoeshine boy song. Hundreds. Johnny Cash told me to get rhythm and I got it.) And my FAVORITE was “Highwayman” from the country supergroup he was in, The Highwaymen. The concept of the song is that each of the four men sing a verse about a man from the past and how he died. It’s very good. The line “They buried me in that grey tomb that knows no sound” used to scare the shit out of me. I didn’t expect to have a song that targets so specifically my fear of being buried alive in wet concrete. 

(If you haven’t heard the song, by the way, listen to this version to properly appreciate it as a piece of music. If you have, watch the fucking music video holy shit this is a work of art oh my GOD.) 

So I was predisposed to love this cover before I even heard it. But then I heard it. And they rewrote the song to be about historical women. And it’s like. There’s layers here okay. 

Neither the Highwaymen nor the Highwomen are signing about famous people. This isn’t a Great Man tour of history, it’s about dam builders and sailors and preachers and mothers and Freedom Riders and also Johnny Cash who flies a starship across the universe, as you do. 

In the 1986 version, it’s a song about the continuity of life--the repeated idea is “I am still alive, I’m still here, I come back again and again in different forms.” The highwayman is all the men in the song. He reincarnates. The song is past, present, future. The title is singular, masculine. The same soul, expressed through multiple voices, multiple lives. 

In the 2019 version, the title is plural, feminine. Highwomen. This song is about women. Each verse asserts the same motif as the 1986 version--“I may not have survived but I am still alive”--but there is no implication of reincarnation. Each woman is her own woman. This version has a final verse that the previous versions lacks. The singers harmonize. It’s not a song where one voice replaces  another, the story of this One Man progressing through time. It ends in a chorus of women saying “We are still alive.” 

We are The Highwomen Singing stories still untold We carry the sons you can only hold We are the daughters of the silent generations You sent our hearts to die alone in foreign nations They may return to us as tiny drops of rain But we will still remain

And we'll come back again and again and again And again and again We'll come back again and again and again And again and again 

Another fun fact! The first time I heard them sing “We are the daughters of the silent generations” I died! But luckily I came back again and again and again.  

This is a song about the continuity of history. It asserts that women’s historical lives matter and that they continue to matter, long after they died. This is a song about legacy as well, the legacy of nameless women who worked to protect the ones they loved and make the world better. They don’t die by chance. They are all hunted down by political violence, by racism, by misogyny, for stepping outside their prescribed roles. But, as Yola (who btw fucking CRUSHES THE VOCALS ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????? HOLY SHIT MA’AM) sings as a murdered Freedom Rider, she’d take that ride again. And at the end of the song, she joins the chorus but does not disappear into it. Her voice rises up out of crowd. And the crowd calls itself “we”. These women are united but not subsumed into being One Woman. This is about Women. 

And then, outside the song itself, there’s the history of this song about history. It’s originally by Jimmy Webb and was covered by Glenn Campbell. This cover inspired the name of the supergroup that covered it, the group with Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, and my man Johnny Cash. And it’s like holy shit! What an amazing group to collaborate! Hot damn! 

Then, it’s 2019 and here’s The Highwomen with Brandi Carlile, Natalie Hemby, Maren Morris, and Amanda Shires. The name is obviously riffing on The Highwaymen. Shires set out to form the group in direct response to the lack of female country artists on the radio and at festivals. And they name themselves after a country supergroup, and they put out this song, a song connected to massive names in country music, and they center all of this on women and womanhood and the right of women to be counted in history and to make history and to talk about the ways we have mistreated and marginalized women, in a group that started because one woman was like hey! we’re mistreating and marginalizing women! 

I just think this is neat! I think there’s a lot here we could unpack! But this post is 100 times longer than I was planning and work starts in a bit so uh I’m gonna go get dressed and listen to The Highwomen on repeat for the next hour, “Heaven is a Honky Tonk” is another fucking bop that improves on the original, it would be dope if they’d collab with Rhiannon Giddens, okay byyyyyyyye 

#don't even know what to tag this bc for one there's way too many links for this to show up in any tags!! #country music #long post #surprisingly long post! #feel free always to rec female country/americana/folk/bluegrass to me esp if it's gay

[silveryfairy]

hey man if it's not too much trouble, could you give us a brief rundown of the Nocturnes? It's just, every morning I wake up and there's a new one, and I Care everyone in this establishment a lot though I don't really know them, thank you kindly have a nice day

let my preface this by saying: aayushi, i love you, and your enthusiasm and interest for the things i create never ceases to bring me joy. you are the kind of friend i think everyone should have and i say that completely genuinely outside of this bit.

i say that as an apology in advance for what i’m about to unleash upon you, because what you’re going to see is the product of my friend @himepapillon and i’s absolute BRAINROT and what comes of it when not only two people make an oc universe from scratch but what happens when we then have to explain that universe to other people

you are in no way required to retain this information as to be completely honest me and jeremie haven’t fully either and we’re the ones who MADE this shitshow. below is the shoddy family tree i lovingly crafted in ms paint

let us begin. 

for starters, i’ll specify some things:

1. not every oc on this chart is mine, as it’s a collaboration between me and jeremie - the koenig family and bishop family belong to faer but the rest is all me baby! for the sake of your soul i will only be going into my half of this Mess

2. the universe this takes place in is a pretty wacky and silly one, just, like, Slightly removed from reality. these characters are all completely batshit insane and do things that no human being probably should. it’s all portrayed critically, as the general concept of this whole thing is “the goings-on of a bunch of unhinged corrupt rich people”. we kind of flip flop on how seriously stuff is played but if i had to slap a genre on this it’d be, like, black comedy drama. i know a lot of these concepts sound kinda fucked to write but that’s just because i’m trying to describe them in a SOMEWHAT concise way without going into Super Introspective mode

the nocturnes are an incredibly influential and rich family in the uk that tends to produce very influential and rich people. they’re also all a little bit insane. the main characters of this Saga are the sons of desmond and xanthes, the family’s resident Power Couple and biggest figureheads. they suck ass but that will become apparent the second i talk about their children.

from oldest to youngest, the nocturne boys are:

ichor nocturne, 25 - the eldest, ichor was disowned from the household when he was 18 for unruly behavior, sent to live alone on a farm so he couldn’t tarnish his family’s image any further. since then, you’d think the isolation has driven him a bit mad - he’s a very prolific cotton farmer and has been doing astonishingly well for himself, running his farm on his own with only his parents’ inheritance as help. ...that, and, of course, the blood of the people he executes to keep his crops growing - or so he believes. he moonlights as an executioner in the small town over, exterminating the ‘pests’ of the city. despite his newfound violence, he still routinely checks in on his siblings, finding ways to mysteriously end up at their door to pay visits. the older brother instinct still hasn’t left

icarus nocturne, 23 - the second eldest (only by technicality, as he is a twin), icarus is the family’s golden child! but not in terms of business or anything, oh no - icarus is a famous heartthrob teen (sorta) musician! he’s been in the limelight since he was a little boy, being an actor as a small child and getting into music as he grew. his general Look(tm), accompanied by infectiously happy rave music, is a trademark cutesy mask over his face with oversized clothing - meant to express as much energy as possible as he bounces about the stage. in reality, he lives a life as forced and controlled as possible by virtue of... living the fucked up life of a child star. but his parents have someone to take the fall - so, what of his twin?

achilles nocturne, 23 - icarus’ younger twin, which wouldn’t mean much... in any family but this one. achilles has had it drilled into his head since the beginning that he was a mistake next to icarus, to the point where legally, he does not exist. following icarus beginning his career, achilles was unpersoned completely - living in the family’s basement with the height of his education being for a very specific purpose... needing to be icarus’ body double on tours and for paparazzi - after all, they can’t have icarus’ purity tainted by all those clamboring fans! it’s a godawful situation. on the bright side, though, achilles has found a hobby where he can be himself: twitch streaming! yes really. under the name of 1upanonymous, hidden under a mask just like his brother, achilles at least has a fanbase that can love him for who he is! ...uh, kind of.

tomasine “tommy” nocturne, 16 - the youngest of the bunch, and it says a lot about his siblings’ capabilities that he’s the technical heir to the nocturnes’ various businesses and fortune. tommy is just a feral 16 year old that doesn’t give two shits about any fame or fortune, he just wants to party and drink and have fun like any other kid his age! he’s rebellious, loud, and charmingly annoying (to his brothers anyway), and has no real care for the gravity of his family’s situations beyond finding it annoying that they want him to be all PRIM and PROPER and BUSINESSY EEWWWWW. he’s just a funny loud little child trying to live his best life. loves his brothers fiercely

already a mess of people. and really, all you need to know about or really keep in mind are those four: the upcoming characters are largely just side ones we came up with because we thought it’d be funny to flesh out this fucked up family more. so let’s get into the anatra branch of the family - headed by jael nocturne, xanthes’ brother and the siblings’ uncle

jael anatra-nocturne, who i am not giving an age for my own sanity trying to decipher this fucking timeline - a crude and playful uncle, jael is someone the nocturne boys either love (icarus, tommy) or hate (achilles, ichor). constantly joking, as he expresses affection with loving insults - kind of a money-driven asshole, but a lovable one - he’s a career politician and met his current husband, joaquin, on the job. or, well... no longer current, because jael’s funny life of debauchery, toxic masculinity, and making fun of his nephews, came to an abrupt end when he was assassinated on live television. yipes!

joaquin anatra-nocturne, who also does not get an age - jael’s former secretary and current widow, joaquin is the local wine uncle. im not sure if that’s a classification but it is now, because he is one. an unapologetic gold-digger, he (publicly) took jael’s death frighteningly well, and is now living his best life with a revolving door of new boyfriends. his relationship with jael was a genuine and very loving one, and joaquin IS devastated by his death, but both of them just found the bit of pretending to be this loveless gold digger/politician couple very funny, and being as suspicious as possible around his husband’s death is exactly what jael would have wanted joaquin to do

taddeo anatra-nocturne, 14 - the youngest child of these two, a shy little boy with big Child In A Horror Movie energies. makes potions in the backyard and probably decorates his clothes with animal bones n stuff when he’s older. despite this he’s pretty harmless, nice and fiercely loyal - tommy especially thinks he’s fun and likes to hang out with him at family gatherings - just so long as you look past the creepy dolls he likes to talk to and fires he likes to set. especially close with jael and wants to be a miniature version of him, buuut still being a shy tween taddeo hasn’t been able to act on that much.

dailon anatra-nocturne, 20 - the adopted second child of jael and joaquin, dailon is a moody and unstable delinquent that was snatched up by them just as he was about to age out of foster care. while he has a chill ‘cool-older-even-though-he’s-younger-cousin’ demeanor, the tension when he’s around his parents - jael specifically - can be cut with a knife. dailon hates his dad: ‘someone who expresses affection with insults and jokes and likes seeing people pissed at him’ and ‘someone who’s volatile, short-tempered, and sullen after living in a foster home most his life’ are just as bad of a combination as you’d expect. dailon gets himself into a lot of trouble, and is an overall very self-centered prick, but we’ll get more on that in a bit.

HELL FAMILY...2!!! that’s the last of the families to cover, buuuut there are still some other names on that list - mostly connected to dailon. this is REAL “just going on in the background” shit that you also do not need to know whatsoever (except for mitzi she’s pretty important she’s just down here for organization purposes) - i just like to play god and make characters get into drama.

[tw: cheating, unhealthy relationships, stalking]

mitzi “moon” altberg, 23 - achilles must feel very far away by now, but we’re back to him for a second! mitzi is his ex-girlfriend he met online, a fan-to-employee-to-lover and one of the maybe two people outside of the family achilles has shown his real face to. however, achilles growing up deeply unstable - between his parents’ abuse, having spotlights on him and adoring fans both as icarus’ body double and as a streamer, and in general not really growing up to be any kind of well developed human being - made this relationship a complete disaster. he grew obsessive and controlling - and when she tried to ignore him, he broke his one rule (to never go outside without permission) to find the hotel she was staying at in real life and show up to confront her. the incident was completely covered up, both by the nocturnes and with their connections, and so mitzi was forced to stay silent. this entire thing is based on this song! as time heals wounds, though, mitzi will end up doing pretty well for herself and putting achilles behind her - even getting a new boyfriend, jared!

reynard fiala, 20 - dailon’s (ex-)boyfriend, who he’s enraveled in his own weird soap opera subplot with. reynard is a relatively chill person, with an interest in art and taxidermy - just as morbid as dailon’s brother, but in a more. Normal way. genuinely a sweetheart who does not deserve what happens to them: getting cheated on with dailon’s best friend. yipes^2! while it's earth shattering in the moment, all reynard will really want to do come some time to process is to move on and for him and dailon both to heal in peace... far away from eachother (which is easier said than done since taddeo thinks reynard is super cool and loves having him over, the awkwardness between them and his brother be damned)

jared summers, 21 - the most normal person here. a longterm best friend of dailon’s, and yes, the very same one i just mentioned. he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer - what we in the industry would call a himbo if his dumbassery didn’t cause very real damage - who had been pining for dailon for years and him dating was no deterrent, and dailon, thinking the world revolves around him as he tends to do, accepted jared’s confession so they just kinda started dating on the side. jared has the moral backbone of a pool noodle, and even after it causes dailon’s relationship with reynard to fall apart, will need a wholeass intervention to be staged to make them both realize just how shitty they’re being. after that, though, jared will end that mess and be on his way to becoming a better person himself - with the help of a sweet girl he’s met online.

jared and mitzi dating in the future is the most contrived thing on the planet but just hear me out that it’ll be HILARIOUS for achilles to check in on his ex-girlfriend and find she’s dating his cousin’s best friend, who said cousin was apparently dating on the side. very small world, it is. 

anyway, thank you if you’ve somehow stuck around to read this entire thing - this isn’t even getting into jeremie’s half of this whole ordeal, which includes some of these fellas’ friends and partners, as well as more crazy rich people nonsense. it’s been very fun to think about and i do love it all dearly, even if putting it all together it’s SUCH a mess.

we don’t intend to make anything Legit out of this, it’s honestly just a fun way to pass the time. it’s the adult equivalent of playing dollhouse. in our minds this is like a 20 season soap opera but actually explaining it to other people it’s just like this

but thank you again for letting me babble i hope it was somewhat entertaining! and again, godspeed if you managed to read this much XD

#nocturnes #ichor nocturne #icarus nocturne #achilles nocturne #tommy nocturne #jael anatra nocturne #joaquin anatra nocturne #taddeo anatra nocturne #dailon anatra nocturne #mitzi moon #jared summers #reynard fiala

[sunnyborabora]

Obsession (Suhø x Reader)

You’re in love with a man you know nothing about, but it doesn’t stop you from falling deeper and deeper. 

Hi! Here is a little drabble to celebrate EXO’s comeback that was a real masterpiece! Junmyeon bias wrecked me hard I am still crying ndnbhdhdhd Anyway what did you think of the come back? And the concept? I loved I am still crying over it.... I tried to write x exo Suhø differently than I would write Junmyeon. I feel like he would be a mastermind, cold and calculating, violent in his acts but eager to find his own identity and not to just be the other version of Suho. Tell me what you think about it!

Tags: Super explicit smut, porn without plot, soft bdsm,Suhø has feelings, kinda sad tho :/ 

« You like it, don’t you ? » You were like paralyzed as he was whispering in your ears all those obscene things. His hard rock chest was pressed against your back and you could feel his muscle contract. « Babygirl has been bad, so so bad » You could sense his smirk in his words, the way his large hand was serpenting along your neck to tighten around your throat. Your breath itched as his hold was becoming tighter. You couldn’t see his face but you knew. And maybe it was better that way. You were already so intoxicated by him, you knew how his appearance was something that would fuck up your brain even more. « Suho please… -Oh come on… I can’t give it to you so easily » How did you even find yourself in this situation. You were just an innocent cashier, all you did was being nice. And maybe falling in love with the guy that always came into your shop to buy food. He was fascinating. You couldn’t stop looking at him, your heart racing every time he was coming into the store. His hood low on his head, you were only able to see his dark eyes accentuated by strong brows. You were unable to look at him in the eyes, this man was truly sending shivers down your spine. He was coming more and more, every time enticing the most embarrassing reaction from you. Your body was reacting to his in a way that you couldn’t explain. He was seeing this, you, how you would blush, how you would look away. How you seemed to wait for his arrival. But today has been different. The day your relationship took a turn was when you had a night shift. He had not come yet and it was almost the time for you to close the shop. You were on your way to close when someone entered. But it wasn’t who you hoped to see. « Sorry sir we are closed ». But you really didn’t have the time to react when the stranger pointed the gun at you. You dropped your keys, your body going numb with fear. « Give me the money, don’t tempt anything » And you didn’t. You rushed to the cashier and opened it as fast as you could. As you were handling him the money he grabbed your wrist making you tumble and tripped. « Get up ! » You yelped in pain as his hold tighten around your wrist. « The fuck is happening ? » You turned toward the entrance as a deep voice resonate in the space. It was the man, his familiar silhouette triggering a flow of emotion. Tears started streaming down your face as you try to get away from the man holding you. « Don’t get closer fucker ! Just go and I won’t shoot your dumb face ! » He didn’t move a muscle. The way the artificial light was hitting his face was making him look intimidating, scary even. You felt the grip on your wrist becoming loose and you yeet yourself out. You felt the man turn around and expected to get shot, but you didn’t. You heard a big boom behind you and the scream of pain of someone. You turned around to see the raider on the ground. « Are you okay ? » You couldn’t answer, your throat so tight it was impossible for you to speak. Burning tears erupted from your ayes as you collapsed on the ground. You felt too strong hand on each side of your shoulders. « You’re not hurt right ? » You shook your head still crying. « Stupid girl. Putting yourself in dangerous situation. » He put you on your feet and you fell in his arms still weak from what you have lived. He let you hug him, taking comfort in his embrace. After a moment he grabbed your face in his hand, squishing your cheeks. « What if I did not come hm ? What would you have done ? » You did not answer. What could you have done ? Nothing. But him being here, him who saved you, and who was now holding you. « Hmm, baby is not answering », he smirked, his face coming closer to yours. « You look so scared, so fucking hot » You did not even blink when his mouth crashed into yours. It was violent, his hand clenching even harder on your jaw. « Stop, please » He released you, his mouth coming near your ear. « You want me to stop Y/n ? Are you sure ? » You started shaking in his arms, when his other hand winded along your curves. « How do you know my name ? -The question is what do I not know about you ? Pretty girl that always waits for me to come in hmm » He grabbed your ass, making you jump. « Call me Suho babygirl » And you did, whispering his name as he drags you in the storage room. For the first Suho fucked you senseless. Making you forget your fear, your insecurities. You were bent over the bench as he was trusting in you. Your knees were weak, but his strong hold on your hips was not allowing you to fall. « Fuck, Y/n, you're so tight, so fucking tight, so much more than I imagined » You tried not to think too much about how he imagined you two together before. But the slaps of hips against your ass was so loud, he had so much strength and a sort of animosity that could not be contained. You weren’t seeing anything as he was just moving you along his dick as he pleased, but you could feel something shifting behind you. He groaned deep, and you came for the third time on his dick, almost fainting. You couldn’t put a name on the type of relationship you had. Suho, as he told you to call him, never came back to the grocery store. He just knew where to find you. And every time he came, he would fuck you, so good you would almost lose your mind, and he would leave. You didn’t know anything about him, and he would never tell you anything. That was the rule. Sometimes, you would wonder, as he was settling besides you on your bed. With time, he was staying a bit longer every time. Sometimes he would hold you in his arms, letting you pass your hands through his deep red hair. His blue eyes were closed as if he was savoring those little moments. Even if you were doubting it. Today wasn’t different. He just seemed even more on the edge than usually. He pushed your skirt up around your waist, and you heard him catch his breath. « Fuck… » he sighed. You pushed your hips back towards him almost involuntarily, but he resisted. You let out a quiet whine as you watch him walk around you like you were a prey. He was wearing that obscene red suit, the color of his hair. It wasn’t buttoned up, and you could clearly see his chest and abs. His hair were styled in a way he looked like he had horns. « Now I can do anything I like to you, for as long as I like, » he said, his voice smooth but laden with danger. « Yes, » you say in a voice barely more than a whisper. « You wouldn’t disagree right. Babygirl would let me do anything to her. -Yes, I would. -Even if what I want is to break you? » He said, his voice deep and dark, as if he was mocking you. « Go on the bed baby, bend over and let me see that ass of yours » You did as he told you. As if his voice had a hypnotic power over you. He walked slowly back towards you, never taking his eyes off your body. You bit your lip so hard you thought it might bleed, trying to contain yourself as you heard him unbuckling his belt. Suho wasn’t a man of many words except when they were dirty, but his actions were even worse. Within seconds, you feel the biting pain of the leather striking your bare ass. Before you could respond, it was followed by another, harder blow, and you cried out as your body is ravaged by the perfect combination of pleasure and pain. A third loud crack echoed around the room. You clawed at the bed with your fingernails, gasping for breath as he slowly dragged the belt across your tender skin. You’re expecting, no, craving, the next one, and he knew it. Even without looking at him you can feel the sadistic smile on his face as he teased you. « I want you to ask for it, » he said, and you could swear his smirk was audible. You took a deep, shaky breath in and exhale slowly. « Please, Suho, fuck... » you cried softly, your voice shaking. He seemed satisfied with that, and you heard the belt swishing through the air before cracking across your skin one last time. Your body trembled as he traced the red marks with his fingertips. His touches wandered down to your inner thighs, making you moan softly. His own breath caught in his throat as his fingers wandered a little too far, and he felt how wet you were, how desperate you were for his touch, for his body. He pulled you up roughly by the hair, earning a small yelp of surprise from you, and turned you to face him. He stared at you for a second, but you could see it, his eyes glowing orange now, before kissing you roughly. It took you by surprise, because usually he would take on your hand and knees like an animal, it was unusual for him to kiss you. The only thing you were aware of was him, how his tongue was in your mouth and his hands were pulling your hair and grasping at your body and God, how much you wanted him. You didn’t know before knowing him, that it was possible to want, to love someone that much. Because even if you were doubting his feelings for you, you knew you loved him deeply. When his lips finally left yours, you gasped for air, and suddenly his lips were on your neck. You moaned into his hair, taking a deep breath of his scent, your voice wavering as he gently bit you, sending electric shocks through your body. Satisfied with your reaction, he bit you harder before sucking on the soft skin of your neck until he was satisfied that he had marked you. Marked you as his. He left another hickey on your thigh, as e was on his knees. It wasn’t usual. He would never put himself in a situation that would make him look inferior. But today he seemed particularly attentive. His warm breath was dangerously close to where you wanted his gorgeous face the most, and it took every ounce of self-control you had just to restrain yourself from clutching at his hair and redirecting him yourself. But you knew better. You knew you weren’t authorized to touch him. He looked up at you with his dark blue eyes, just seeing him looking at you like that, like a hawk watching you, that made you moan.When he finally parted his lips from your body, he took a step back, taking of his jacket, showing you his sculpted body. It was like he had been made by the gods themselves, but knowing him, he probably would a demon coming straight from hell to torment you. He unbuttoned his trousers, letting them set on his hips. He grabbed your ankle, drawing you closer to him in a swift motion. Something was different today. He looked into your eyes as he entered you. You sighed deeply, your eyes rolling back in pleasure as he filled you. He started slowly, fucking you with long, deep strokes, but as you both lose control he picks up the pace, fucking you relentlessly against the wall. He was looking deep into your eyes, his mouth hanging open. You were so tempted. You wanted to put your hands in his beautiful hair, mess it up. You wanted to touch him. You grabbed his biceps trying to stabilize you, your weak whimpers slowly turning into long, shaky cries of ecstasy as he brought you closer to orgasm. Just as you’re about to climax, he laughed, a quiet, dirty, sadistic laughter in your ear. « Yes come on princess come around my cock », he husked in your ear, as he kept trusting, faster and faster, as you come, throbbing around his cock. His trusts never stopped and you felt like you were going to come all over again. « Don’t… stop…Suho » you moaned in his ear and you hear him groaned. You sighed his name out loud, and he looked into your eyes and bit his lip as he slowly ran his fingers up your thigh again. He groaned under his breath as he felt you clench again and again. You simply nodded your head and moaned softly in response, mentally begging him to give you more. He pinned your hands above your head as he brushed his lips against the hickeys on your neck, then the bruises on your ribs, before leaving a trail of kisses from between your breasts, downwards, until he was looking up at you. His eyes had a weird orange tint. He grabbed your hips, pulled you towards him and gave you what you needed the most. You entwined your fingers in his hair, feeling the soft strands between your fingers as you scraped his scalp and cry out his name over and over again like a sacred mantra as he trusted in you hard, his hips rolling between your thighs. You came again, screaming his name as you hug him tightly. Seconds later, He was back trusting in you again, abusing your cunt again and again. He’s sensual and slow, occasionally pausing to catch your gaze or lightly kiss your lips. And you think you might cry. You wrapped your arms and legs around him, your bodies moving as one. You clung to him, slowly coming undone in his arms again and you hear him groaned and finally you felt the moment when the last string of his control gave out, he gave into his pleasure entirely, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he let himself go, his body shaking slightly as he came deep inside you, so deep inside, so much you thought his cum already dripping out of your cunt. The intensity of it wrenches another crashing wave of pleasure from your body. Feelings you can’t describe soar through you, stealing the breath from your lungs. Your voice gives out, cracking as you try to call out his name one last time.You stayed in each other's arms as you give and take from each other. It was the first time it ever happened. He was on his side, hugging you, still inside you. You felt so incredibly intimate. Tears started streaming down your face. « Don’t cry... » You couldn’t help yourself. You felt like something was wrong. « I have to tell you something… -What ? -I won’t be able to come for a while… » You knew it. You clutched your hands around his arm, not wanting to let go ever. « Y/n ? » You didn’t want him to leave. Every time he was disappearing after coming to see you was like he was taking a piece of you with him. « Don’t leave me. » He wanted to say something, but he didn’t. He seemed tormented. « Just stay safe while I am gone okay ? » You nodded still not letting go. « I’am not going anywhere right now, you can sleep. » His eyes were shining a weird hue. His red hair were a mess falling on his forehead. He looked so beautiful. You tried to fight against sleep, perfectly knowing that once you’ll be gone into Morpheus’arms, he’ll leave. But you couldn’t help it, weirdly enough you never felt this safe. Before falling asleep, you took a last look at his face, seeing him looking at you. « Don’t forget about me Suho. -I will never » He hugged you and you closed your eyes.

#exo #exo planet #exo scenarios #exo drabble #exo fanfiction #exo fanfic #x exo #x exo fanfiction #exo suho #Kim Junmyeon #suho x reader #suho reader insert #suhø #suho smut #kim junmyeon imagine #kim junmyeon smut #exo smut #kpop smut #smut #kpop fanfic #kpop drabbles

[smolie]

in december i wrote a 2020 year music review for myself that i intended to post here BUT...because i was infamously restricted twice last year, i didn’t bother since you wouldn’t be able to read it anyway because it was not possible to view my blog hjfdhfd

now that my restricted era is (hopefully forever) over i just want to post it here for the sake of completion since i want to do the same thing this year

this is really long so if you actually read it ... idk you are insane in the membrane and i love you... but i genuinely don’t expect anyone to read this hjfdhjf i just like reflecting on the music i have listened to and be able to look back on what i enjoyed in certain stages of my life! okiiii bye 💗

january

mac miller - circles (album) it’s a bit funny that i worried putting my thoughts down about this album and now it turns out to be first on the list, chronologically of course … oh bittersweet irony </3 listening to this album is such a double edged sword, either way i am always hit with a truckload of feelings when i turn to this release.

this album came to me in a time of my life where i was slowly but surely sliding down towards rock bottom again just after i got out of it and thought i was okay. the times i’ve listened to this crying in the bathtub with a glass of wine….girl let’s not lol…. it’s almost strange how much i can relate to the thoughts another person brought to paper. the comfort this album brings me is otherworldly, i feel so understood by mac’s words and it’s my go-to “wallow in self-pity for a bit then come out stronger than before” album. then again, i feel a little sting when any of mac’s songs come on shuffle. a friend of mine said she cannot listen to artists who have passed because it feels too strange and most of the time i agree but this time, it’s so so different. this album would have been mac’s salvation, i can feel it. everything would have been a bit brighter and lighter for him after this, it would have had to be. i feel like i would do him a disservice if i did not listen to this album, so i will cherish this final gift from him as his legacy and my comfort. i miss him incredibly and am all the more thankful he shared his heart with us.

album favs: circles, good news, surf

tiny meat gang - broke bitch (single) MAN I TELL THAT BROKE BITCH IF YOU WANNA GET IN TUNE BETTER CHANGE YOUR WHOLE PITCH LIKE WOAH !!!!!!!!!! did that give you whiplash? hehe funny to say this about a song called broke bitch by a duo called tiny meat gang but this song actually means a lot to me! it came out shortly before their show in berlin and i almost exclusively listened to it on my 7+ hours train ride from one side of the country to the other to see my meat boys. this played out of the fat ass speakers at the venue when they stepped on the stage and i will never forget meeting them :’) also the song fucking slaps obviously

february

loona - [#] (mini album) ah yes, the most controversial loona release to date! i’m not gonna lie and say this sounded anything like i expected it to. but also, i have come to terms with the fact that loona release noise music now and personally i am here for it. why not did not have the endless energy of hi high or otherworldly vibe of butterfly, but it’s a hype song and i am always there for hype. i also have to say the b-sides were not as strong for me as on previous releases but i think i have to come to peace with the fact that loona will never top their debut mini for me. though if i can wish for one thing…… let loona have title tracks with a chorus in 2021? pls? crumbs?

album favs: so what, oh (yes i am)

tame impala - the slow rush (album) *lights cigarette* i’m listening to pretty underground music….i don’t think you’ve heard of this band….they are called tame impala *intro of the less i know the better starts playing* yes i am a basic white bitch and listen to like 3 alternative bands but damn i listen to them religiously. like any other basic bitch on this planet i found out about tame impala through the less i know the better and checked out their music. i wasn’t too much into this album as i was into currents but towards the end of the year, i was in a moody alternative music slump that took me back to this album and i like it a lot more now! most importantly, tame impala fulfills my primitive urge to listen to songs that exceed the 4 minute mark. something clicks in my brain when i see a song that is like 6:34 and chances that it ends up as one of my faves on a album are high. i enjoy tiktok like everyone else but this trend of 2:50 long songs needs to be stopped immediately.

album favs: borderline, lost in yesterday, it might be time, is it true, posthumous forgiveness

honorary mentions: onlyoneof - dOra maar, everglow - dundun

march

nct 127 - neo zone (album) ah, yes. the album that fundamentally changed me as a person <3 i’ve been listening to nct for a while, matter of fact i checked my top tracks 2019 playlist on spotify and cherry bomb was on there lol. i remember trying to get into them in 2018 when they released their regular-irregular album but the endless member & unit concept scared me off, so i only listened to a handful of songs without looking into them march 2020, the fateful month in which they released kick it and screencaps of jaehyun’s sexy ass tiddies in the kick it mv landed on my tumblr or twitter and i HAD to look up who this man is…...remember when i thought jaehyun was my ult for like, 2 weeks? me neither, johnny suh only in this house <3

anyway, i checked out this album and by god, is this pure kpop perfection. last time i listened to a god tier no skip album like this was … maybe the perfect red velvet? hype songs, well crafted ballads, love songs that make me wanna learn the lyrics, genuinely fun and interesting pop songs, this album has it all. somehow, the way this album is crafted greatly reminds me of brown eyed girls’ sound-g, it has the same vibe, concept and mix of genres to me, i’m not entirely sure how to explain. anyway, this album is one of my favorites of all time and even though i’ve obsessively listened to it (lastfm says 1.4k scrobbles as of today, december 7th…) i am still not tired of this. i recommend this to anyone who loves kpop tbh, you will have a good time with this!

other than being just a musically solid album, the emotional ties i have with this are …. isabel stop making albums your emotional support 2021 challenge. i’ve listened to this release all spring lockdown, this basically played at every waking hour for all of march and april. the promotion time of this era and lockdown are deeply intertwined for me and so i am always remembered of all the nct content i consumed during that time which inevitably cheered me up so much. this album really means a lot to me :’)

album favs: kick it, mad dog, love song, boom

honorary mentions: itzy - wannabe,

the weeknd - after hours (album) my dear melchanoly, was one of my favorite releases of 2018, so i had been desperate for a new release by abel and boy did he not disappoint. the perfect thotty, dirty emo 80s, making it clap while crying in the club album! this is a no skip from top to bottom and all i can say is that the grammys can go to hell <3 abel aoty! there is really not much i can say about this album, the flawless production, lyrics and sound speak for themself. my only criticism is that i feel overwhelmed by 14 songs, especially when some of them are really long. a few songs greatly overshadow the weaker tracks on the album for me but i still love this to death.

album favs: escape from LA, blinding lights, after hours, faith

dua lipa - future nostalgia (album) after the weeknd’s masterpiece of an 80s inspired pop album i was really looking forward to this. i greatly enjoyed the pre-releases, i played don’t start now and physical up and down, they are still some of my favorite songs released this year! when i first listened to the album i really liked it, songs like boys will be boys or pretty please sound like fillers to be but the rest is solid. yet a month after release you couldn’t catch me listening to this and i cannot even really tell you why. i think it was a combination of the following: 1) i greatly overplayed dsn and physical to the point where i didn’t want more of the pop 80s sound that the album has 2) there were other releases at the time that caught my attention and interest more like neo zone or after hours 3) dua herself….girl….she really gave it her all this year to make herself as unlikeable as possible. nationalist propaganda and the constant traveling during a fucking pandemic were really the kicker. i can barely stand seeing her on my instagram feed anymore, much less listen to her album. her having the nerve to go “we’re in a pandemic lol” when people asked about an animated music video …. if you don’t shut the hell up lmao … also, she takes the crown for the corniest album opener of all time. i nearly closed spotify when i heard future nostalgia (the song) lmao

album favs: don’t start now, physical, levitating, hallucinate

honorary mentions: megan thee stallion - savage

april

apink - dumhdurum (song)

listen, i’m not gonna sit here and pretend like this mini album interested me in the slightest but god, the title is such a banger.i’m so sick, eung eung and dumhdurum are a holy trilogy that i will defend until the end of time! i really hope apink stick to this mature, elegant concept, it suits them so well and goes well with their new sound. come back soon queens <3

rina sawayama - xs (song) i feel like i’m gonna catch some hands here … xs is an absolute banger, the guitar riffs and disruptive sounds really get me going every damn time! but the rest of the album … tell me why it doesn’t catch me?! i literally cannot explain. i need to take an hour, sit down and do nothing but listen to the album from top to bottom once again and see if my thoughts change but right now i only care about xs.

chungha - stay tonight (song) drama! vocals! dance break! choreography! this release served it all. i listened to this obsessively during the time of the release and it still holds up today. can we talk about the run chungha had with gotta go > snapping > stay tonight? lord have mercy.

honorary mentions: april - lalalilala, nct dream - ridin’

may

lady gaga - chromatica (album) the immense disappointment i have in this album is tough to put into words lol. any other artist might have gotten away with this release but gaga having the discography that she has, well … she doesn’t get away with it. this has underwhelming all over it. i enjoyed the pre-releases and my hope was high but the rest just doesn’t live up what i expected, i can’t even say why. it’s just underwhelming pop for someone of gaga’s calibre. i listened to this album during release week and then never again till december to write this list and i can see why.

album favs: rain on me, sour candy ft. blackpink, stupid love

baekhyun - delight (mini album) it’s confession time … this is a name i never would have expected on any of my music lists to end up. exo has always been one of those boy groups i casually listened to. i greatly enjoy their title tracks and a handful of side tracks, i have a few members that i keep an eye on more than others but that’s about it. baekhyun was never one of those members i had any interest in, matter of fact i always thought he was kinda vanilla and boring 😭 i didn’t even plan on listening to this release if it wasn’t for his association with superm and thus nct, so i gave it a shot and we have no choice but to stan. his voice is like butter and can cut sharp at the same time, his versatility is insane. i dived a bit more into baekhyun related content and he is so likeable, it’s almost ridiculous. this production is absolute god tier, not a single skip on this mini. late spring/early summer i had this weird urge to listen to songs with mellow voices but still a banger instrumental and i wholeheartedly blame this release. matter of fact, this album is so good, i had to buy a physical copy. Y’ALL. THIS IS A BIG DEAL. i haven’t bought a kpop album of anyone that’s not holy top 3 (brown eyed girls, loona, nct) in like … idk, 5 years?! baekhyun’s impact. i’m a fan now <3

album favs: candy, r u ridin’?, love again

ak aussenkontrolle - in meinem benz (song) this … is very unrelated to this entirely list but i had to put it on here. i miss my ex boss and our 3 hour drives to meetings in the south of the country where we would blast trashy german rap music </3

nct 127 - neo zone: the final round (repackage) *airhorns* REEEPACKAGE TIIIIIME!!! my first nct era that i experienced from start to finish! i remember watching nct 127’s beyond live with luna where these mfs performed punch and we finished the concert having no idea what this song sounded like. the structure is so unusual and the intro catches me off-guard every time just to hype me up beyond compare. not gonna lie, the fact that johnny has exactly one (1) line hurts but! it’s my favorite line of the entire song! possibly related to the fact that it’s his line but let’s ignore that ….

album favs: punch, make your day

kim woo seok - red moon (song) i’m not even gonna lie to you. i have not a single idea who this man is. you could put him right in front of me and i wouldn’t know … all i know is that he has a banger song. i saw him perform this on a music show that i watched for nct and i ended up loving the song … thanks for your service sir, whoever you are ...

june

stray kids - go live (album) 2020 was kind of the year of boy groups for me, i’m so sorry … stray kids promoted simultaneously with nct 127 so i ended up hearing their title track and holy hell, is that a song. god’s menu is hype from start to finish. it reminds me of good ol’ 2nd gen noise boy group song a lá b*g b*ng fantastic baby. just pure hype and fun noise. i am forever grateful to witness the birth of the line cooking like a chef, i’m a five star michelin. the title track impressed me so much that i ended up checking out the entire album which i rarely ever do with boy groups and what is even rarer is that i enjoyed the b sides lmao!!! it’s not an album that i would put on and just enjoy from start to finish but it has some really solid tracks! this release made me want to keep an eye on stray kids, they seem like a really fun bunch.

album favs: god’s menu, TA, airplane

seventeen - left & right (song) the boy group run continues … same thing with stray kids, seventeen promoted during punch era so i heard their song while watching some music station show for nct and i heard this and was sold. solid, fun pop with the catchiest pre-chorus in history and a banger chorus. i listened to the entire mini and can’t say it really caught my interest so this is a title track only release for me.

dishonorary mentions: twice - more & more (i hate this song so much lol)

honorary mentions: ryu sejeong - tiger eyes, monsta x - fantasia, chloe x halle - do it

july

irene & seulgi - monster (mini) this is a weird release because it’s good. the title track is fun enough, the b sides are dope. but my issue with this is that it’s nothing new. this sounds exactly like a red velvet release. i get that they didn’t want to a  joy, seulgi, irene, yeri release only and went for the sub-unit route instead, but why not be experimental and stray away from the usual sound of the group? also, whoever made monster and not naughty the title track deserves to be spat on. at least the choreography here is more interesting and “experimental” for kpop standards. also, why only a seulgi solo and no irene? i have no idea how reveluvs reacted to this release but this has rushed written all over it.

album favs: monster, naughty (i’m counting this to the mini idc), uncover

exo-sc - 1 billion views (mini) doing my part as a filthy casual exo listener. this release goes in the same category as baekhyun’s delight where i like the album so much that i HAD to get a physical copy. i don’t know what they put in the title track for it to be so diddly darn addictive but it clearly worked. the only bad thing about this release is how criminally mismanaged it was by sm, when i get you lee sooman ...

album favs: 1 billion views, on me, say it

baekhyun - garden in the air (song) i told you i’m a loyal baekhyun fan now <3 king releases and i listen, that’s just how it goes now! this is a cover of a boa song and i really love his version. there is not much to say except that it’s a really smooth song and his voice absolutely carries the track. i enjoyed this much more than i thought i would!

hyoyeon - dessert (song) YOU KNOW WHAT I DESERVE??? DESSERT!!!!!!! *insert tik tok challenge here* imagine if miryo featured on this instead of the ethnic hip girl … why can’t we have nice things. anyway, a banger!

johnny - sunny side up episode 1 set (spotify playlist, actual set) johnny being the skilled, talented, multi-faceted king that he is has been dj-ing since before debut (not me acting like i was around at that time lmao) and thus he decided to bless our quarantined, lockdowned asses with an online dj set! that was the most turned up sunday morning i ever had in my entire life. this set kicked off an edm/house/techno affinity that i had for the following couple of weeks. this set is an absolute banger, i would go insane to this in the club. he has an amazing ear for transitions and drops and i still just put on this set on the regular when i have cleaning to do or so. he could fill the void that rona and thus no clubbing in 2020 left in my heart and i’m so happy he decided to share this with us <3 now … john … sunny side up episode 2 pspspspspsps

honorary mentions: gfriend - apple, jessi - nunu nana

august

cardi b ft. megan thee stallion - wap (song) late summer 2021. we are vaccinated, icu beds are free, barely any new cases, clubs are open, this song plays and i can finally make it fucking clap.

troye sivan - in a dream (mini album) a cute mini album! nothing life-changing or as exciting as previous releases but easy (haha!) to enjoy. i really, really enjoy easy, can always count on troye for a dreamy sound.

album favs: easy

honorary mentions: itzy - not shy

september

wonho - love synonym pt. 1: right for me (mini album) honestly? i know like, 3 monsta x songs. i never bothered to get into them and maybe i never will, but it was difficult to ignore the whole wonho & monsta x mess that went on. i have absolutely no memory of why i decided to check out this release, i guess i was curious what he was going to do and … i was positively surprised lol. open mind is the exact time of song i had been so desperate all summer (remember mellow vocals with banger instrumentals? yeah) and uhm … can’t ignore the obvious … mr wonho is fucking fine. sir, you just gained a fan … now, where is love synonym part 2?? huh?????

album favs: open mind, i just, losing you

joji - nectar (album) this one is on tiktok. i heard gimme love in a bunch of tiktoks and had to look up the song and here we are. what an album! it came right as seasonal depression started to hit and accompanied me for a good chunk of autumn. at this point one has to ask if joji can ever really miss? the entire album is a no skip, it’s almost difficult to narrow down my favorites if my favorites weren’t so damn god tier!!!

album favs: gimme love, ew, tick tock, pretty boy, your man

super m - tiger inside / 100 / drip (songs) okay, listen. technically tiger inside & 100 were already released in august. instead of those three songs i was gonna write about the entire album until i realized i really don’t give a fuck about it 😭 i really only care about those three songs. and YES, i unironically like 100. is it a good song? no. but neither is jopping and that fucking bangs. i don’t turn to superm for life-changing, profound music, i turn to them for a good time LOL and that’s what they deliver every time! that being said, taeyong’s VROOM VROOM, UHMM UHMM, GRRRAHHHH verse is life-changing and profound! speak your truth king! also i wish drip was a b side for nct 127 that song is so damn sexy

taemin - never gonna dance again act 1 (album) this isn’t kpop, this is taemin pop. taemin never misses and the fact that hw*s* won dance performance over taemin is a literal hate crime. i will never forget the industry for this daylight robbery … anyway, nice album!!!!

album favs: criminal, black rose, waiting for

stray kids - in life (repackage) *airhorns* REPACKAGE TIIIIME 2.0!!!! i was on the edge of my seat waiting what stray kids were going to deliver after i greatly enjoyed god’s menu. i was still not over listening god’s menu when the repackage came out so i didn’t listen to it right away and now i greatly regret the few days i could have listened to back door earlier </3

album favs: back door, any

jackson wang - pretty please (song) i’m not gonna pretend like i ever listened to a song by jackson ever before. he is short king from got7 in my head and that’s all! i don’t even remember why i listened to this song but all i know is that it slaps severely. i love the wong kar wai inspired music video and the choreography is fun too! i’m gonna check out more of his music <3

honorary mentions: fromis9 - feel good, knk - ride

october

blackpink - the album (album, duh) i don’t even know what to say about this … this might be the weirdest release on the list for me. there are song i absolutely fucking hate (ice cream …) and songs i get my life to (pretty savage) on here and the discrepancy just gives me massive whiplash. i would never put this album on and listen to the whole body of work, i just cannot with the brain damage it gives me. i am still stuck in 2016, begging for bp to release music like whistle/boombayah/stay/playing with fire but i think i need to give up on that wishful thinking … i am just grateful we a got a title track with actual lyrics in the chrous for once.

album favs: pretty savage, lovesick girls

nct - nct 2020 resonance pt. 1 (album) this era was … a ride. nct 2020 happening was near inevitable but with covid it got pushed back so far, i started to believe it wasn’t even going to happen. i was semi-terrified of what was going to happen during a comeback with 21 (now 23!!) member group since i only experienced nct 127 comebacks so far and uhh … a LOT happened lmfao but let’s keep this about the album … i had no idea what was going to hit me. johnny having effectively 3 lines in nct 2018 did not give me much hope and after he got denoted to no line treatment in punch again, i was ready to not even have any expectation but this release changed everything. make no mistake that most of my favorite songs are units with johnny, we knew that was gonna happen lmaooo they dropped the teaser video for misfit and i thought i had my favorite song in the bag and then faded in my last song happened. y’all. JOHNNY SINGS? LIKE? ACTUALLY SINGS? DOESN’T GET FORCED TO RAP OR TALK-SING? MY MAN’S VOCALS??? OH MY GAAAAHD! this song is dramatic, theatrical, emo, it serves vocals and rap, it has catchy english and korean lyrics, this is THE song, the ULTIMATE song. i love this song so much, i want to belt it on top of my lungs in the pouring rain. apart from fimls, i also loveeee misfit, that was to be expected after i was going completely insane over the track video. johnny has like 3 lines but again they are iconic (WARNIN’! NCT WE MOBBIN’!) and i just enjoy the track too much to be upset over that. nectar. holy fuck. nectar!!!! wayv never disappoints with their thotty songs, they now have an absolute god tier hoe-ly song trinity with love talk > bad alive > nectar. the first chorus and hendery’s first verse (CHOP CHOP CHOP!) get me every time, this song is so insanely good i am severely upset i cannot sing along to it :( music, dance has nct 127 written all over it in bold letters, it’s so inherently 127’s sound!!!! i love this song so much, it’s so fun, upset and has massive dance-ability, i wish we had gotten a stage for it but i guess you can’t have everything in life </3 make a wish……………………………..the cursed unit. i don’t want to say anything about this except that, unfortunately, the song is fun and i enjoy it. the end. overall, this album is so insanely solid. i know i talk about my favorites A LOT but i genuinely do not dislike a single song on here, this is an absolute no skip album! that’s it. see you for resonance part 2!!!!!

album favs: FADED IN MY LAST SONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, misfit, nectar, music dance, make a wish

loona - 12:00 (mini album) controversial loona release 2.0! i don’t know what it is, but somehow they managed to lace the words di da dam di dam di dam dam dam dam di dam (yeah) with pure crack. i fucking love why not, i would even go as far to say it’s my 2nd favorite title track. that is right, i think it’s better than butterfly (btw: hi high > why not > butterfly > so what). so much was strange this comeback, from the inexplicable concept + teasers, the outfits, the styling (yves….i mourn your hot girl era) but the title track is just SO good, SO fun, SO catchy that i am willing to ignore it all. i also enjoy the b sides much more than on #, they are much more memorable to me. and now … HASEUL RETURN…………….i purely live to see the next loona comeback at this point

album favs: why not, voice, universe

twice - i can’t stop me (song) thank fuck twice released a good song this year. if more & more had been the only 2020 release, that would have been the real tragedy. not gonna lie, i still haven’t listened to the full album, it just keeps slipping my mind. but! i’m going to! until then i’m gonna bop to i can’t stop me.

ariana grande - positions (album) the way this album has people upset is so funny. i am a huge dangerous woman fan myself, it’s my fave ariana album to date but she has said repeatedly that this is not the sound she is striving for. now she has her coin and can do whatever she wants in music and if that is r’n’b then fuck! we have to live with it! lmao! i can live with the sex theme of the album because it’s delivered in a fun way? but it’s getting a bit old...if the next album is about riding dick only too idk how much i would enjoy that. i would probably always come back to ari because i like her voice so much but girl, there are other topics to sing about, i promise! anyway! i like this album, it’s one of those where i can hit shuffle and enjoy it in the background while doing other stuff.

album favs: positions, 34 + 35, love language, my hair, pov

tiny meat gang - sofia (song) ayyy, it’s my meat boys :’) ending the year the same way they started it, with a banger! i absolutely love the guitar instrumental, the melancholic love song type sound paired with the theme of singing about loving a robot … yup, that’s creativity and talent right here! this makes me so freaking desperate for a new ep and i genuinely have no idea how far or close we are to one but!!! i am always waiting!!!

noel - push (ep) this is something i absolutely did not expect. noel (of tiny meat gang!) released his first ep ever and i was absolutely wowed. noel has it all, the voice, the talent, the creativity and all it took him was the confidence to finally put something out and i’m so happy he did. he gets real personal on bus back, more than ever before and i always get a bit emo listening to this track </3 this man is gonna go places and i’m so happy to witness his journey.

album favs: crow, head sunk, bus back

honorary mentions: sam smith - diamonds

november

taemin - never gonna dance again act 2 (album) i’m gonna say it. idea is better than criminal. the chorus drop???? when he goes MY AH AH  MY AH AH MY AH MY IDEA MY MY IDEAAAAAA A-A-A A-A-A???? bitch … tell me you can sit still, i won’t believe you. i like part 2’s title track more, but part 1’s b sides are more interesting to me. either way, taemin delivered as expected!!

album favs: idea, impressionable, exclusive

nct - nct 2020 resonance pt. 2 (album) part two, baby! we made it! part 2 had more mellow, ballad-y songs with my everything, i.o.u. and all about you, overall less drama than part 1 but i still enjoyed it. work it is one of those controversial songs where you despise it with your entire being or you defend this top tier noise till the end and i am absolutely the latter. the agony of not being able to listen to it and seeing the timeline so divided nearly killed me, but i have concluded that people who hate work it have never felt joy in their life <3 honestly my opinion cannot be counted because i eat up anything johnny participates in … biased ass… what i’m not gonna talk about is resonance (the song), this absolute mess of a “remix”. the audacity sm had to release this as a single is insane. anyway!! this era was a rollercoaster ride. all the interactions truly made me interested in members of other units more. hendery (the rise and fall …), yangyang my beautiful son, jeno aka blue hair guy, chenle the chaos kid and xiaojun after he made make a wish his bitch in particular! all the interactions between the units were so fun to witness and it was fun while it lasted but i am … so glad it’s over lol. i miss nct 127, i miss some peace, i hope the boys get to rest for a bit and so does my bank account.

album favs: work it, 90s love, i.o.u., raise the roof

miley cyrus - plastic hearts (album) not in a thousand years would i have expected a miley release to be on here. this girl does everything to be absolutely unlikeable in my eyes but after severely banging out to her heart of glass cover, i was really excited for this and it did not disappoint. what is disappointing is that it took her so long to find a sound that fits her like a glove. i believe many people miss out on this release after her previous history and i nearly would have done the same. this alt/rock influenced pop does her voice so many favors and i really hope she sticks to this direction, i love this album greatly!!

album favs: heart of glass, midnight sky, night crawling ft. billy joel, wtf do i know

kai - kai (mini album) just. imagine debuting with an album like that. lol. what a god tier big dick move. we all knew whatever this release was gonna be, above all it was going to be sexy and boy were we RIGHT!!!! mmmh is exactly as thotty as i needed it to be and the b sides give me everything from r’n’b to trap. i love this release and i love that it’s only the beginning of kai! like!! he is only gonna gain even more experience and become even more powerful!! what the fuck!!!!!

album favs: mmmh, ride or die, hello stranger, nothing on me

honorary mentions. gfriend - mago

december

nothing? wtf?? 😭 no interesting release happened,,,,half the time i listened to christmas songs anyway lol

pre 2020 releases i only found this year

mgmt - little dark age (album, 2018) & oracular spectactular (album, 2007) another tiktok serve. i found little dark age through a tiktok trend and ended up really liking mgmt. they fit perfectly into my autumn/winter moody alt/rock mood that i had going on and i’m happy they have so much more music that i can check out!

artist favs: little dark age, electric feel, time to pretend

tame impala - currents (album, 2015) everyone’s favorite basic alt bitch album! i enjoyed this more than the slow rush for a good chunk of time, it also fit right into my alt rock autumn mood. i really love this album, like previously mentioned it has my favorite long ass tracks on there but also a good amount of short or medium long tracks. i’m still busy enjoying currents and the slow rush but i can’t wait till i finally take the leap to dive into their other releases because i’m loving everything i’ve heard so far.

album favs: the less i know the better, let it happen, new person same old mistakes

joji - ballads 1 (2018) after liking nectar so much, checking joji out was a given and i just love this album. only when i listened to this i realized i heard slowly dancing in the dark a few times on tiktok lmao that cursed app man … i would say i love nectar a bit more but this is still a fantastic album!!

album favs: slowly dancing in the dark, attention, test drive, yeah right

jus2 - focus (mini album, 2019) in my “mellow moody bangers” phase i was scouring playlists for more songs and i think i found focus on me first which fitted right into the niche i was looking to fill and i ended up enjoy this whole release! only later i realized this is a sub-unit from got7 lmao how come i enjoy solo or unit releases by got7 members but their group discography never interested me? anyway, very sexy ep!

album favs: drunk on you, focus on me, love talk

knk - sunset (song, 2019) part of my mellow bangers playlist. very sexy, i can imagine this as a runway song! i have no idea who knk are but given the fact i enjoyed two of their songs so far maybe i should look into them lol

baekhyun - city lights (mini album, 2019) i am repenting for my sins of missing out on baekhyun releases by consuming his music at an exorbitant rate. un village is one hell of a title track that i didn’t appreciate before, but i feel like in 2020 my music interests started to vary and i love the groovy r’n’b and string sound of this song so much. i also love stay up to death, the vocals baekhyun serves here are unreal. his BABY WE CAN STAY UP!!!!!!! gets me every single time!!!! what a mini!

album favs: un village, stay up

mac miller - swimming (album, 2018) i’ve listened to this album before 2020 but i had the urge to put this on here. this is going to sound so corny, but if i had to pick one song to be my life’s title track, it would be ladders. the hope this song gives me is unreal, it feels like a light at the end of the tunnel. this album is so fantastic, i love the upbeat instrumentals paired with sometimes gloomy lyrics are so incredible, mac was truly one of the greatest artists of our time. this album is  so outstanding and i miss him every day.

album favs: ladders, jet fuel, 2009, self care, perfecto

doja cat - hot pink (album, 2019) i can never decide if i like doja or not but the album slaps lol that’s it come on tiktok queen

album favs: say so, juicy, like that, streets

my fav 2020 playlists

slapping mellow

neo culture technology

malcolm

why go to therapy when this playlist exists?

top songs 2020

(by spotify)

#again a heads up: this was written in december 2020 and there are a few names mentioned here that....i want nothing to do with anymore lol #like h*ndery of gfr*end #but i'm not gonna delete them because at the time i enjoyed their releases and no one knew they were ignorant asswipes <3 #also not me thinking i'm gonna get vaccinated this summer LMFAOOOOOOO #i can consider myself lucky if i even get them this year #german government my detested <3 #about me

[batmansymbol]

spoilery thoughts on the marvelous mrs. maisel season 3

oh. oh. my Fictionalized!Lenny-obsessed heart. his jokes are so good. his physicality is so endearing. i am crushing so hard. i am going to reblog gifs of every scene in episode five.

i REALLY wish they had just made him a fictional famous comedian instead of, you know, Lenny Bruce, because i think the writers are slowly realizing midge has way more chemistry with him than anyone else, but they can’t wind up together because he was a real person.

the writers did it! they made me like joel again!! i was so annoyed with him during season 2, but we’re back!!! crazy what can happen when a character has an objective and exhibits appealing personality traits

but why, why, is the show still determined to give abe and rose long, protracted, uninteresting subplots?! midge’s parents are ONLY interesting when they’re onscreen with midge. no exceptions.

seriously, what the hell was with the rose’s trust fund subplot??? “abe lost his job, so we’re broke!” “just kidding, we’re not broke; there’s a trust fund we’ve been pulling from!” “but now i have pulled out of the trust fund because of Pride and Feminism, so we’re broke again!” y’all could have just left them broke in the beginning, cut out the middleman, and subsequently, this totally inert subplot.

and the activist newspaper?! fuming. not even gonna get started on that nonsense.

i loved the trajectory of Sophie’s show. actually, i loved everything involving Susie this season. Alex Borstein is a GIFT from GOD and we do NOT deserve her.

can we please at some point acknowledge that she’s not straight tho?? please???? ever?????

speaking of queer things

what happened to Shy in the last episode made me so sad. on one hand, it’s written well as a genuine misunderstanding. and it’s written well overall: as midge did that final set, i felt myself moving slowly outside her perspective. i heard the set from Shy’s point of view and it gutted me!! can you imagine one of the only people you trusted, maybe the person you’ve trusted most ever (given that Shy told Midge his real name, which he hasn’t even told Reggie), basically outing you onstage in front of thousands of people? making jokes about effeminate gayness when he isn’t even an effeminate man? obviously midge is supposed to be clueless sometimes (eg when she says in horror, ”he called me a ‘white girl’!”), but watching that set felt like one of those terrible epiphanies where you realize what someone’s thought of you all along. as if the second she found out the truth, the only thing she could think to joke about when it came to him was his sexuality, and not little foibles like she lampoons in everyone else.

overall, i’m torn. part of me wishes it hadn’t happened because it just... felt bad to see. at the same time, i’m intrigued that they’d show midge’s cluelessness actually doing damage. in reality, so often, people don’t get permanently hurt out of malice, just obliviousness or miscommunication, and that doesn’t show up onscreen nearly as often.

in fact, the whole last episode seemed to show midge’s flaws in a way we’ve never really dealt with: the revelation of how much she hurt benjamin, and then possibly ruining the life and reputation of a real friend. it’s highly unusual for this show. i'd love to see the writers engage with this further and show her, idk, growing and changing from these experiences, but i honestly don’t know if they will?

which is a bit frustrating to watch! that whole tirade of susie’s about how sophie isn’t brave but midge is, because midge refused to do that live radio commercial for, basically, an alt-right politician? i feel like the idea of her bravery or principles actually could have been driven home, if at the end of that last episode, midge had voluntarily given the rest of her tour openings to moms mabley because she realized she’d gotten preferential treatment, or something. that would have demonstrated real character in the way susie was talking about, and no outing scene necessary.

anyway. shy deserved better. i don’t really want to watch the show without him. and here i was all hopeful for a happy ending where reggie realized he was in love with shy or something. :(

still, i really loved Reggie in that final scene. obviously i’m not going to prescribe what story they ‘should’ have told, and given what they chose to do, it all felt realistic, Reggie insulating Shy from Midge after she hurt him. but i wonder if them flying off into the night will be the show’s pretext for writing Shy off and letting Midge go unchanged.

i don’t think the show is trying to go too deeply into this, but there’s something interesting to me in the idea of comedy as something that strips away your desire to grow as a person. rose brushes against that concept in her final confrontation, saying she doesn’t want to laugh at people’s flaws and misfortunes. if midge keeps fucking up and fucking up and never grows, only jokes about her defects (or displays her defects through jokes), that suggests her persona is closing around her, locking her into those flaws; it suggests you can’t actually exorcise your demons onstage, only define them more and more clearly. what does it do to a person when they splay open their worst feelings and are rewarded by the crowd for it every night. what a disincentive to get better and to be better.

to conclude: fictional lenny bruce is hot in a suit. time to queue up gifs.

#personal #essay #tmmm #the marvelous mrs. maisel #long post #highly important text posts #tmmm spoilers

[comradekatara]

The good place is kind of eh in practice but I really like the concept so.... gaang and fire lesbians reactions to a good place scenario?

upon being told they’re in the good place, katara, aang & suki are like, “oh, sweet,” ty lee and zuko are like, “what??? i am???” toph and mai are like, “oops i’m here by mistake,” sokka’s like, “theres. theres a points system. thats bullshit this is bullshit,” and azula’s just like *has a panic attack* 

everyone gets a soulmate!!!!! yay!!!!! katara, meet zuko. sokka, meet toph. mai, meet azula. ty lee, meet suki (this one backfires because they actually do fall in love). oh, and aang, since you’re a monk, you don’t have a soulmate i guess! but you don’t mind that, right? haha no, of course not! aang keeps having to pretend like he’s fine being the only one without a soulmate, and mai’s just like “oh u can have my soulmate if u want” and aang’s like “oh....no.......that’s okay........ but thanks” 

sokka is told that he’s about to meet his soulmate, and he’s like “ok this will be fun” because at this point he’s just decided to go along with it until ashton kutcher jumps out from behind a pot plant or smth. he doesn’t know whether he can trust toph yet, so when she says, “you’ll stand by me no matter what, right?” he’s like “oh of course.” and then she tells him she was sent here by mistake, and she doesn’t know what to do. he’s like, “who forking knows what to do right now this is. this is objectively insane, right????” and she’s like “well, objectively speaking, yes, but it’s also a bit presumptuous of you to assume that an afterlife that measured morality on a points basis didn’t exist just because it sounds silly as fuck when you say it out loud.” and he’s like. “no. we’re definitely being punk’d.” and she’s like “did you just say fork? lmao loser”

ty lee is all “but it doesn’t really make sense that i’m here” and suki’s like “why not? you’re nice and you smell good” and ty lee’s like “but i’m.....super sketchy.......... i’ve committed like......actual felonies???” and suki’s like “ok but who fucking cares tho” and ty lee’s like “ykw GREAT point” and then they kind of just take advantage of the fact that they’re in a magical truman show because that’s the kind of shit you do when you figure out what’s actually going on, duh. michael thinks they hate each other because every time he goes to check in on them they are literally fighting each other??? he’s like oh wait......is this maybe........too far??? but he doesn’t know what to do about that other than maybe recommend some couple’s therapy and they go for laughs and ty lee sobs dramatically and suki wails various bits and pieces of a made up backstory that gets more and more absurd and incongruous every week. 

mai and azula are perfect for each other! they have so much in common! for one thing, they both have no idea what the fuck they’re doing here. for another, they do not trust the other as far as they can throw them, and so they are both suffering silently and alone as they try to piece together why they’re here. they live right next door to toph and sokka, so they’re always running into each other, until eventually they are thrown into enough weirdly coincidental situations together that they just become friends. mai actually thinks toph is pretty cool. they kind of just get each other, yknow? what if there was, like, a mixup and.... *gasp* and then azula gets beaten in pai sho once and that’s all it takes for her to become obsessed with sokka and convinced that they are the real soulmates. sokka didn’t account for this happening because he assumed that pai sho is a meaningless game and nothing would happen if he won. he kicks himself for this later. 

mai and azula both agree to tell toph and sokka that there’s been a mistake, and they try to inform them of this theory as directly as possible. toph and sokka are like “what are you talking about?? the system would never do such a thing??? the system doesnt make mistakes!!!” and they even threaten to tell michael about this before mai and azula are like “ok ok !!! maybe we were wrong. just an idea” and sokka’s like “ok well maybe we shouldn’t be questioning this perfect world, how’s that for an idea. oh and im in love with toph” and mai and azula leave deeply heartbroken. sokka and toph are like “whew that was close” because there is no fucking way they are splitting up after they’ve spent who knows how long perfectly camouflaging under surveillance and pretending to be having sex while actually doing very long and complicated math and reading through everything every moral philosopher ever wrote up until the day they died and throwing out more and more implausible theories just for sokka to have to pretend to be attracted to azula. toph’s like “i kinda like mai tho” and sokka’s like “yeah mai’s chill” 

at first, zuko and katara get along great! they love doing dumb shit together that no one else they knew on earth ever found fun. they have such deep, profound conversations all the time. they’re always cuddling while watching movies and they’re like yeah we real cute. for the first time in both their lives they’re like, wow!! maybe soulmates are real!! all their friends are like “awww you two are so perfect together. and you always have your hands all over each other. you guys must be forkin like crazy” and they’re like “haha! ..........yep!” it’s only just occurred to them that it’s been six months and they still haven’t even kissed. and katara’s like “okay clearly we just....forgot! and we should just do that now, because we’re in ....love? unless..... you don’t want to....” and zuko’s like “HAHA WHAT WHY WOULDNT I WANT TO” the next morning they both are like “well that was great!” and are terrified to tell the other that they currently feel dead inside. after that, they stop having deep conversations. they stop cuddling on the couch. mainly, they just lie to each other so often that the smallest thing will leave them boiling over in a ginormous fight. and when they fight, the entire city knows it, because they are so. goddamn. loud. but then when people ask them how they’re doing katara’s just like “oh we couldnt be more in love :) .....why do you ask?” 

after aang’s house gets destroyed in a fire zuko may or may not have started, he feels so guilty he lets aang move into their gaudy mansion with a billion spare bedrooms. aang promises he’ll only be there until they’re done with renovations to his old home, but none of them bother to question why they need to be doing renovations in the good place anyway. zuko is constantly doubting his place in this world, and whether he even is katara’s soulmate. the people around him keep telling him he’s a good person, but then something horrible will happen that he’s certain was his fault, and he’s like “aah im a fraud!” plus, aang seems to understand katara so much better, and they have a really strong bond... if he can be here, he doesn’t understand why aang and katara can’t be true soulmates. and aang agrees. 

azula’s breakdowns get worse and worse each time, and she feels so alone. she knows that mai doesn’t love her. she knows that sokka doesn’t love her. her mom didn’t even love her! of course she wouldn’t get a soulmate –– what a childish, naive, foolish, idiotic notion!!!! so she decides to do the right thing, and confess: she was put here by mistake. she is the problem with the neighborhood. she’s not supposed to be here. sokka’s like “okay well fork. why did i ever ever beat her in pai sho” (and he’s right to think that, frankly.) there are proceedings in which azula must admit to michael that she was never a human rights lawyer, but she was an attorney. mainly she got people prosecuted for drug possession. it’s a living! ha ha...! they go through a whole bunch of bullshirt, but it all comes to a head when they’re fighting over who should take azula and zuko’s places (he confesses too, obvs) when it occurs to zuko that they can’t go to the bad place. because they’re already in the bad place. 

sokka’s like “whaaaaaaat???? no...........thats ... thats impossible! why would you..............say that.................. you........forking...................idiot...............” (so much work. so much work wasted. fuck this dude. if he weren’t already dead sokka would kill him.) but michael’s already like “wow someone finally figured it out. i thought you’d never get it.” and then goes on to explain his great master plan that was actually a lot less complex than sokka’s current working theory. he leaves the room to talk to sean, and sokka’s like “okay show of hands who knew” so turns out ty lee and suki knew as well. good to know. with double the people with brains, maybe they can devise a plan to escape. and leave the rest to die or whatever. mainly zuko though. especially zuko. sokka writes down a note to find toph, ty lee, suki, and mai in the next reboot and under it, the sentence: “stay calm; you’re in the bad place.” 

and then nbc cancels it because they have the foresight to know that the concept won’t sustain itself :) 

#this was really fun to write omg #the gaang and #asks #anon #sitnematic universe

[surreality51]

Guardian Meta: Love Song Edition

Can we talk about how the Guardian end credits song and the promo song are essentially love songs?

Disclaimer: In the great tradition of Western writers who think their opinion about things they have limited direct knowledge of matters, I’m about to screech about traditional Chinese views of love even though I am not from China nor do I know anyone who has lived in China past the age of 6. Everything I know about the matter comes from my Taiwan-born mother, whose relationship advice could be summed up as “never depend on a man.” You can guess what her love life has been like.

I’ve been listening to “Time Flight” and “Just Cared Too Much,” the promo song and end credits song from the Guardian drama respectively, on repeat lately and I just can’t get over how achingly romantic these two songs are. The opening theme song, “We Won’t Be Falling,” captures the can-do spirit of the SID team and the socialist brotherhood/power alliance between Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei that everyone associated with Guardian insists the show is really about, but the closing theme song and promo song will forever be the true songs for Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan to me and no one can convince me otherwise.

Just. look. at. these. fucking. lyrics:

*incoherent screeching*

It also doesn’t help that the official music video for “Time Flight/Flying Across Time” is nearly indistinguishable from the thousands of Weilan fanvids out there. 

I mean, the first shot of Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei has them framed with wedding decorations. The video editors were...not subtle.

In an attempt to organize my thoughts around this topic, I’m going to take a step back and look at how the song lyrics reflect a traditional Chinese approach to love and why it’s impossible to interpret the songs as anything other than love songs (unless you’re a Chinese censor, in which case, yes, these songs are totally about platonic friendship).

Stereotypical Eastern vs Western Approaches to Love

Let’s face it, the stereotypical Chinese approach to love is practical nearly to the point of being mercenary. The first question any parent asks when presented with an offspring’s potential suitor is, “What’s his job? What are his prospects? What do his parents do?” In other words, who gives a fuck about things like personality or compatibility or feelings. Romance doesn’t put food on the table.

The concept of falling in love with someone and choosing your own partner is relatively new in Chinese culture and maybe imported from the West (someone back me up/correct me here, I’m too lazy to Google this). According to family lore, my great grandmother and her generation (born 1890s Fujian province, married 1910s) followed traditional practices around dowry and matchmaking, where essentially your parents pick your partner based on family relationships and social standing within the community. You get limited say in the matter.

Western ideals around love, attraction, passion, compatibility, personality, courtship, and romance were traditionally not factors in a relationship, at least in the beginning. Instead, traditional Chinese ideals value steadfastness, stability, loyalty, partnership, duty, responsibility, and a love that grows over time. Whereas Western depictions of love in modern media often focus on explosive passion, magnetic attraction, wild declarations, daring courage, individual charisma, finding that spark, and, in more modern relationships, choosing someone who fulfills your personal/emotional needs or as an avenue for self-actualization, love in traditional Chinese culture is steady, humble, something that grows out of mutual striving, something that takes root deeply and quietly through the day to day, like two trees slowly growing together until they are entwined.

In the Guardian web novel, Zhao Yunlan’s father expresses the traditional view of love during his discussion with Zhao Yunlan about his relationship with Shen Wei:

“Perhaps one day, when your hormonal levels are back to normal, you will regret this decision.” Zhao’s father maintains a calm and stately tone, relaxing and not at all intimidating. It’s much easier to persuade someone this way; he says, “Passion is attractive; I’ve been young. I know that feeling. But I don’t agree with difficult love, do you know why?”

[…]

“Love is strong yet frail; perhaps in the face of adversity, it can rise up with great power, transcending into a sort of exemplary ardour, and that is why it’s been praised since ancient times. But you have to remember the saying: ‘It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out; it is the grain of sand in your shoe’.”

[…]

“Difficult love can be overcome with perseverance and grit. But love has to subside eventually, have you thought of that?”

—excerpt from chapter 74, RainbowSe7en translation

Again, modern Chinese relationships are very different, where the feelings of the two people involved often do outweigh the views of the family, and relationships are viewed more as individual choices made for personal reasons rather than collective decisions made for the well-being of the whole family. As Zhao Yunlan expresses, the modern view of love is intimate and personal:

“Dad, I know what you mean, but there is always someone in your life, it’s not because of attraction, allure, obsession, or mere lust; it’s if you don’t treat this person right, then you’d feel like a worthless prick.”

—excerpt from chapter 74, RainbowSe7en translation

But my point is that love in Chinese tradition stems from a different perspective. It’s a perspective that views feelings as fleeting, romance as a luxury. It values durability over passion. True love is something that can withstand separation, hardship, and the long march of time. It is built on a foundation of duty to one another, responsibility, patience, loyalty, sacrifice, and a depth of feeling that does not necessarily need to be showy or even stated aloud, but that can be felt intensely in one’s heart and seen in one’s actions.

Themes in Guardian Theme Songs

Given this perspective on love, it’s a no-brainer that Guardian’s theme songs are love songs, but let’s dive into the lyrics anyways.

Note: all lyric translations are based on the Orange Biscuit Subs translation.

Separation

Chinese folktales and mythology is littered with stories of tragic love and separation. It seems like the more tragic the love story, the more popular it is, and parents loooooooove to tell these tales to their kids. (WTF, China? No wonder Chinese dramas are so overdramatic.) One story that my family liked to tell for the Mid-Autumn Festival is the story of Hou Yi and Chang’e. We would stand outside in the backyard and look up at the harvest moon, and my mother would tell us the tale of how Chang’e sacrificed herself by swallowing the pill of immortality and floated up to the moon, where she lives forever alone, yearning for her husband Hou Yi on earth.

Another very well-known tale is the story of the cowherd and the weaver girl. Per Wikipedia:

The tale of the cowherd and the weaver girl is a love story between Zhinü (織女; the weaver girl, symbolizing the star Vega) and Niulang (牛郎; the cowherd, symbolizing the star Altair).[3] Their love was not allowed, thus they were banished to opposite sides of the Silver River (symbolizing the Milky Way).[3][4] Once a year, on the 7th day of the 7th lunar month, a flock of magpies would form a bridge to reunite the lovers for one day.[3]

Yep, separated lovers get to be together for one whole day of the year. This is peak Chinese RomanceTM.

Given this cultural context, the ending of Guardian, with its brief reunion and the promise between Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan to meet again in another life, is considered not only tragic, but could potentially be read as extremely romantic:

Their mutual pact to one day meet again echoes the themes of separation and reunion that form the backbone of so many Chinese love stories:

Then there’s the fact that “Time Flight” is playing in the background of this whole scene, which very unsubtly shows that the song is specifically written about the drama ending and about Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan. I mean, there’s dialogue in the scene that matches the lyrics for chrissakes:

Steadfastness, stability, loyalty, resoluteness

Related to the theme of separation, another favorite trope of Chinese romance is the steadfast lover who awaits news of her beloved (it’s usually the woman who does the waiting while the man rides off to war or whatnot) without losing hope. The chorus from “Time Flight” includes this concept of waiting for news while keeping the faith, but what’s really interesting to me is how things shift from the first chorus to the third.

In the first chorus (above), it’s Bai Yu singing the lines. In the second chorus, Bai Yu and Zhu Yilong share them. In the third closing chorus, they share the chorus again, but the lyrics change slightly:

We know that repetition and variation are significant in poetry and lyrics, so we need to pay attention to how this change affects the meaning of the song. I’d quibble with the translation just a bit, because there’s a difference between “deng yi ge xiao xi” vs “deng ni de xiao xi.” The former uses “yi ge,” which is generalized, i.e. “I’ve been here waiting for news.” The “from you” is implied but not stated explicitly. But in the third chorus, the lyrics change to “ni de,” which is explicit, i.e. “I’m waiting for your news.” It’s a lovely shift that makes a common romantic trope even more specific and personal.

The final line is also a shift, taking the last line of the chorus and changing it from “flying together” (yi qi = together / fei xing = flying) to “I remain in the same place.”

Those last few words deserve some unpacking, since video subtitles can’t fully capture all the context and implied meanings of such a dense language as Chinese. “Yuan di” is not just “same place,” but also “original place,” or “where I’ve been all along.” There are multiple ways to read this, from “Across time, I have remained in this spot unmoving, waiting for you,” which speaks to those themes of loyalty, hope, and steadfastness. Or “Across time, I have not gone anywhere, so you can always find me here,” which speaks to themes of hope for your loved one’s return and optimism about reuniting.

However you want to read that last line, you can’t ignore how it plays into the romantic trope of keeping the faith for your beloved and awaiting their return.

Words Unsaid

I didn’t notice until I started writing this giant brain dump of an essay that the first word here is “zao,” meaning “early.” So that chorus line could be interpreted as “Knowing from the start that we would be separated.” I just….can’t with these lyrics. 

Anyways, we know that what’s left unsaid is often more powerful than what’s been said aloud, and you can see it in these lyrics here. Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei never say “I love you,” but it’s implied in all of their actions and looks, and it’s one of the primary plot drivers of the ending of the Guardian drama. As @riceworkshop discussed in this fascinating meta on Dreamwidth, it’s the selfishness of that love and Shen Wei’s choice to essentially use his life force to heal Zhao Yunlan’s eyes—putting the individual before the whole, his feelings and needs before duty—that cripples him and leaves him an unequal match to Ye Zun. But their love remains unspoken, largely due to Chinese censorship but also partially due to the whole “two people from different worlds/this can only end in tragedy” thing.

In the novel, Shen Wei knows explicitly from the beginning that anything between them can’t last and will only lead to ruin. In the drama the situation is different, but he no doubt senses that their time is limited, given the clues about Ye Zun’s coming and the fact that he already lost Kunlun/Zhao Yunlan once. When it comes down to it, “Just Cared Too Much” is literally the crux of Shen Wei’s problem.

(It’s Zhao Yunlan’s problem too, because if he weren’t so in love with Shen Wei, then he wouldn’t have gone back in time and looked at young Shen Wei like this:

And like this:

And said things like this:

Which caused young Shen Wei to fall madly in love with him.)

In Conclusion

In conclusion, China loves tragic romance and keeping soulmates apart for shits and giggles, Guardian’s theme songs are love songs, and I have spent way too much time thinking about Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei’s stupid faces.

#guardian meta #guardian tv #lyric analysis #ow my heart #weilan #shen wei #zhao yunlan #this is why I keep crying over Guardian

[fanfictionlive]

When Does Fanfiction Stop Being Fun For You, if ever? How do you maintain a healthy perspective of your work?

Half-part vent and confessional: I deleted a recent post about a reviewer because I had let myself become a close-minded, self-obsessed buttmunch over it and was a rude fuck.

I was civil in my direct reply to them (which was done before making the post) but they never responded back to further explain what they disliked or disagreed with, so I honestly have to disregard their opinion on the basis that there is to be no dialogue between us and that I can't guess what I should be doing instead.

Now maybe I'm thinking too deeply about fanfiction, but it feels like a paradox of sorts.

On the one hand, my artistic integrity gets triggered and I get self-obsessed and then I stop having fun and feel like 'why am I doing this? It's short term entertainment for both sides of the medum. It has no cultural value.'

I guess that statement is actually false since AO3 got a Hugo Award? But I can say then that my trash doesn't have cultural value.

(Upon reread, the next three paragraphs are repetitive)

Anyways... So in the recurrent scenario that someone criticizes my trash (and they are free too, but usually I don't get responses back when I want their more detailed perspective, so that's meh), and then I guess I get sensitive or get this gaslit feeling like 'omigod what am I doing? This needs to be a masterpiece or nothing!' is when it stops being fun.

My emotions are my responsibility, but this sort of thing still gives me all kinds of unresolved angst that it feels like my only choices are: disregard or keep mentally bashing my head against the wall.

IDK if this is glib, but the feeling that I get a finger pointed at me and they're essentially saying 'It's your fault I have nothing to read' is what spins around in my head and I end up believing it on some level.

I'm not trying to be a writer, I've never been a reader aside from manga. Yes, I'm a full grown reformed weeb. I'm going to be immersing myself in Moebius and The Sandman when I get the chance. I want to read more Jillian Tamaki. I'm hoping I can get a job as a concept artist, that'll likely be significantly more stable than webcomics, in which case my webcomic will be replacing my fanfiction hobby.

Tldr; I don't want to take the 'Don't @ me' road, but my feelings on the give/take of fanfiction is way too tangled and at the risk of becoming a snowflake (if I am using this correctly, I know it was explained to me. On the other hand I don't feel special at all, but I am referring to this feeling of wanting only specific reviews or nothing, and that's def unreasonable and not worth asking for), I do feel like I am at the point where I just want to be left alone so I can just finish a damn thing.

I mean, is that reasonable or is that wimpy?

Enough about me, though. If any of this is relatable: How do you guys disregard an emotional or vague comment with a clear conscience that it's not useful to you? Or that what your writing is fine even if it's full of author appeal or that you're likely contributing to the 90% fanfiction but you're happy with it anyways?

submitted by /u/ninetypoundsof [link] [comments] from FanFiction: Where Magical Ponies battle Imperial Titans https://ift.tt/33at0uj

#fan fiction #writing #fanfiction #tv show #series #movie #fan #write