#but anyway point is I feel lonely and ignored in my parents house | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alexiela73 · 1 year

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Hi I'm sorry for asking for another request- please feel free to ignore me if it's a bit too much >_< Especially because I also vent a little in this ask. I will not take it personally if you decide not to do this ask, especially since you've already taken a request from me! So please do feel free to ignore, especially if it's better for your mental. The last thing I want to do is to cause more harm.

Anyway, I just find a lot of comfort in Hanzo q_q this is the same anon who asked for the autistic/mentally ill s/o qwq

2023 hasn't really been all too good for me so far even though it's just been 3 days, and 2022 ended on a really, really bad note

// TW for slight venting, because I'm going to share a little bit about what I'd need comfort for I guess >_<

I have abusive parents, they no longer physically abuse me (although I still have some scars), and I am constantly verbally abused everyday. It has really impacted my mental and emotional state

Recently I was told that I would be the cause of my mother's death, and all I do is cause everyone's suffering.

I also um... have a lot of trauma regarding touch, but I think I'd be okay with it if Hanzo held me close because I could focus on him and my anxiety/schizophrenia wouldn't hurt me... too much.

I just want to ask- how do you think Hanzo would comfort me especially after hearing all about this...? I don't know, I'm just kinda desperate at this point q_q

Thank you for your time and please have a good day qwq

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. If you ever need to rant, just get it out to a stranger, just feel free to message me. If nothing else, sometimes its nice to feel heard. And don't worry about sending more requests, send as many as you'd like.

Hanzo Comfort Headcanon

After the way his life had started and the mistakes he had made, it had taken a long time for Hanzo to finally come to one conclusion: he would never hurt anyone he loved again

This one thought has become ingrained into him

Falling in love with you to him is one of the greatest gifts life could have bestowed upon him

After his clan and everything that happened with Genji, he didn't think he'd ever feel this kind of peace or happiness

To know that in a way, like him, you are enduring the burden of a family who causes you nothing but pain wounds him

He has seen first hand the kind of damage its done to you

The first time he met your family, Hanzo had held back out of respect to you- this was your family, and at first he felt it wasn't his place to speak up. After all, perhaps he misunderstood

Now Hanzo goes with you whenever you have to see your family- if you truly insist on seeing them, that is. While Hanzo's goal is not to upset you further, he has no problem getting curt with them or telling them to back off.

Hanzo would see the messages between you and your family though- not due to snooping, but when you were upset you'd often drop your phone and go seclude yourself

During moments like these, when you would cry in the tub or try to hide in another part of the house, Hanzo would seek you out

Comforting someone is not something that comes easily to him. but Hanzo decides to go with his instinct with you

Usually he will sit next to you, not quite touching and ask if he can hold your hand. If not, Hanzo will respect that and sit beside you, usually humming a japansese lullaby

If he gets permission, he will cradle your hand between his, thumb gently circling your knuckles

If a hug is something that you will allow, then Hanzo will pull you into his arms and gently stroke your hair

Everything is at your pace

Hanzo has never been upset by this- he was blessed when you came into his lonely world, and he will forever be grateful for that

Though Hanzo himself said he'd never do it, he does gently inquire about counseling or seeking someone to speak to

Hanzo says he'll even go and talk about his...problems, if you will

With Genji's recommendation, you two do go spend weekends at the monastery in Nepal. Its actually quite peaceful, though it takes awhile for Hanzo to stop scoffing at it

Other little things he does for you is make sure you always have cupboards of comfort food- if baking is it, then he takes it upon himself to bake for you every week

Hanzo also lets you use his dragons like emotional support animals, letting you maul, squish and hug them as much as you need. Luckily, they don't seem to mind

#Hanzo Comfort Headcanon #Hanzo #Hanzo Shimada #Hanzo x Reader #Hanzo Shimada x Reader #Hanzo Overwatch #Overwatch Headcanon #Hanzo Headcanon #Overwatch

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rainteaanddragons · 1 year

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I wrote this one for @cluelesslesbian who did the sweetest piece of art that I just had to write a fic for 💜

You can find the art here 😊

Couples(?) Costume

Keith had sworn to himself, even back when he started at the Garrison, that he would never be seen at a Halloween party, especially in costume, yet here he was. Shiro had pushed him unceremoniously through the front door to Lance’s parents house insisting that it would be “fun” and that he [Keith] “needed a break”.

To Keith, the latter of those two statements was actually true. They’d been back on earth on and off for nearly a year at this point and Keith had thrown himself into his work with the Blade. It was easier dealing with the aftermath of all he’d experienced by working. By being useful and keeping busy.

Keith wondered if it was Shiro coming to check on him in his old place he’d lived in before and finding him passed out, still in his Blade uniform that tipped him off that he needed a break. Or maybe it was the week old milk in the fridge. Keith couldn’t be sure.

So that was how he ended up at Lance’s parents' place in the country, in a cowboy costume that consisted of all his own clothes, a hat he’d stolen from Lance an age ago, and a wheat stem he had collected along the way. A wheat stem he realised he would now have to remove from his mouth nearly every time he talked unless he wanted to sound strange.

Deciding that getting a drink was task one in this costumed nightmare, Keith heads towards the kitchen. Keith notices that the closer he walks to the kitchen the more whispers follow him.

“Are they-?”

“Is that a couples costume?”

“I didn’t know they were dating.”

Now Keith isn’t a stranger to whispers. They’d been his constant companion since the first time he was nearly thrown out of the Garrison, and the second, and the third.

This though?

It didn’t make any sense in the slightest. Couple’s costume? Dating? Dating who? Keith is as single as a lone plant dreaming of water in a desert. The water in this painful metaphor being Lance.

He is tugged abruptly from his thoughts by a tall squishy, purple and blue sleeping bag plastered with multiple eyes and spikes. On further inspection it turns out to be Hunk, in what Keith now can only guess is a Weblum costume.

“Is there something you need to tell me?” Hunk asks in a tone that clearly says he has more of an insight to the whispers than Keith does. Though that isn’t difficult.

“What,” Keith throws up his hands, nearly knocking his hat off, “are they talking about?”

“Oh,” Hunk looks crestfallen, “you didn’t plan this?”

“Didn’t plan what?” Keith asks in a low voice. A thousand possibilities running through his mind.

“The matching costumes.” Pidge says from behind him, moving to stand next to Hunk. They are wearing what looks like a home made copy of the official Green Lion halloween costume.

“The matching costumes?” Keith splutters.

“Yeah, more commonly known as a ‘couples costume’.” They point out gently. “You usually plan it, as a couple.”

“I’m not dating anyone. Plus these are my normal clothes!” His voice raises in pitch as he speaks.

“Calm your farm Keith.” Hunk grins.

Keith chooses to ignore the pun. “Who am I matching anyway?” He asks at the same time that his mind starts wondering where Lance has got to.

“Who do you think?” Pidge asks.

“Why do you think we got so excited?” Hunk is looking at him incredulously from the head gap in the sleeping bag.

The dots connect quickly after that with a little oh occurring in his mind. Of all the people.

Keith knows Hunk and Pidge know about his feelings for Lance, he also knows Shiro knows. Suddenly Keith is wondering if Shiro knew about this costume thing from the start. This is when Hunk points to a spot behind where Keith is standing.

Keith turns around to see Lance standing there staring at him with equal confusion.

For a moment Keith can’t work out how their costumes could be a couples costume at all. Then he takes in the white sleeveless shirt Lance is wearing that is covered in what looks like hand painted black splotches and matching jeans. As his gaze is pulled to Lance's face he notices the hand made ears that are sticking up from his brown hair on either side of his head. He had even drawn a black splotch on the end of his nose.

Oh. Keith feels as a blush spreads over his cheeks and wishes the floor would swallow him up.

Thankfully, Lance comes out of his stupor first, a wide smile brightening his expression. “Keith!” He exclaims, “you said you weren’t coming.” As Lance leans in for a hug Keith notices the blush that has spread over his cheeks too.

“Shiro said I needed a break.” Keith managed a smile in return as he broke away from the hug. “Nice costume.”

Lance’s blush deepens. “Nice costume yourself.”

“I’m going to get a drink.” Keith says abruptly and heads towards the kitchen. To his dismay, Lance follows him. He had been hoping to deal with his embarrassment in peace. Once in the kitchen Keith downs a shot of whatever is closest, then turns to Lance. “Shiro suggested it, the Cowboy costume I mean.”

“Hunk and Pidge name dropped Kalternecker too a lot over the past week.” Lance narrows his eyes.

“Are you thinking they played us?” Keith was going to murder Shiro when he found where he’d very conveniently wandered off to.

Lance nods. “Strangely though, I don’t mind that they did.”

“Huh?” Keith’s heart rate goes up tenfold. What does he mean?

”It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you around. You sorta dropped off the radar after we returned to earth and everything was sorted.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Too busy to see a friend?”

“I thought you and Allura would be busy unifying the galaxies or-”

“We broke up.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I-” Keith quickly counters but Lance interrupts with a shrug and a smile.

“Oh, don’t! We figured out it wasn’t working, for both of us. We get along well enough though.”

Lance then sighs, and not a frustrated sigh or a I don’t want to explain this again sigh. To Keith, it seems like a ‘I want to say something but I’m not sure how’ sigh.

Keith smiles warmly, taking in Lance’s expression and loving the way his nose scrunches up a little in thought. For once the little bubble of hope in his chest grows a little.

“Lance I-” Keith says at the exact same time that Lance says “Keith I-”.

“You go first.” Keith says with a small nod.

“Keith,” he starts, but for a moment seems unsure for how to continue, then, “you remember the day I came and found you sitting on the Black Lion with Kosmo watching the sunset? The day before launch day, when I’d asked Allura on a date and I was all worried about Altean customs. You calmed me down and sent me on my way.”

Vividly. “Yeah…” Keith trails off, wondering where on earth he is going with this.

“Well I’ve thought about it a lot since then, and I think-” he pauses, nose scrunching, “I think, for a moment there, you wanted to say something else.”

Shit. Lance wasn’t wrong, he’d been moments away from telling him the truth that evening (the other truth - every word he’d said to Lance that night had been true). Lance had been so vulnerable with him, and bathed in the light of the sunset he’d looked so, so beautiful. That evening though, Keith couldn’t find it in him to do so. It would have ruined Lance’s night, or so he had thought back then. Telling that truth now though, Keith was just as hesitant, but for different reasons. His indecision must have shown on his face as Lance spoke again.

“You did, didn't you? You wanted to say something different.”

“I didn’t want to ruin your night by possibly confusing you.”

“Then tell me now.”

“What?” Keith gaped, feeling as a faint blush spread over his cheeks again.

“What did you really want to say that night?”

“Everything I told you that night is true, but-” Keith pauses, fumbling over his words.

“Go on.” Lance gives him an encouraging smile.

“But, until you’d said you were going on a date with Allura, I had wanted to say that you mean more to me than I could ever put into words. That I’d had feelings for you for a long time, and that if we made it through the end of the war that I wanted to ask you out.”

There is a long silence. Or at least Keith thinks it is a long silence. It feels like it. His heart is thudding somewhere in his throat and his stomach churns as if he needs to be sick. He places the wheat stem back in his mouth after speaking as if the act of doing so might calm his nerves. He watches Lance carefully, but his expression is unreadable. Then Lance smiles and Keith has never seen something so warm, so genuine from Lance in a moment that is all for him. He thinks his heart might burst, and if it hadn't right then, Lance’s next words were enough to make it so.

“That’s good,” Lance says, still looking at Keith like he is the world, his world, “because that is all I’ve wanted to hear from you for quite a while.”

Lance steps towards where Keith is leaning against the kitchen counter, and reaches over to gently pluck the wheat stem from between Keith’s lips with delicate fingers. Lance sticks it in Keith’s hat before leaning in slowly to kiss him.

The kiss is warm and gentle, but it is also tingling and fireworks, and when Lance’s hand rises to cradle the back of Keith’s neck and his fingers twine in his hair Keith thinks that maybe, just maybe, he is finally home. All that matters is Lance kissing him in his kitchen in silly matching costumes that up until that moment Keith had thought would be the mishap to send their friendship slowly into ruin.

“How about next year we plan a couple’s costume?” Lance asks softly against his lips when he pulls away slightly.

“Absolutely not.” Keith replies with a soft chuckle.

The expression on Lance's face when he leans back completely tells Keith that for Lance, he will probably have changed his mind on couples costumes by this time next year for more moments like this. When Lance offers him a warm smile, leans in and kisses him again Keith is sure of it.

I hope you enjoyed this, and that it was what you hoped! Thank you again for letting me write it! I hope this fic brings you as much joy as it did for me writing it!

I changed a few little cannon things because the ending of this show hurts my soul, it made sense I hope! Also I HC Pidge as non-binary, and I'm in the habit of writing them like that now, I hope that's okay!

#Voltron #klance #klance fanfiction #klance fanart #keith kogane #lance mcclain #this is so fluffy #with a dash of pining #because it wouldn’t be an Anna fic without it #I hope you enjoyed it!

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detachedfacade · 1 year

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part three of gay steve ficlet

it took eddie a while to finally reach out to steve. it was true he hadn't stopped thinking about him since they last saw each other. since steve came over to his place and he thought, in the back of his mind, maybe they would fuck, maybe it would be a one time mistake and they could move on. and maybe eddie wanted that, to feel close to someone he cared for with the knowledge it couldn't end in a broken heart, just good sex and avoid eye contact after. but god, steve was so sad, there was no way that was happening and eddie began to feel guilty for even thinking that, for choosing to view steve as not only a cheater but also someone who he could just use. so with that, knowing he was in a messy relationship, worrying he didn't mean it when he asked him to call, he had convinced himself it was best to keep his distance. but he was lonely himself, his friends were visiting their parents over the holidays and since waynes passing he didn't really have anyone to return to. he knew, too, that steve didn't have a great relationship with his parents, figured he may as well page him, see if he calls back, not a big deal no pressure

but he did call, almost immediately

hey, eds! I was wondering if you'd-

that was quick, nothing better to do? eddie joked, didn't know why it came out so harshly. felt bad when steve took a second before replying.

hah yeah well I'm in the office right now, lots of people have taken holiday leave for christmas so its basically empty. not much to do so I just...yeah

eddie felt bad that he had already managed to make steve uncomfortable, tried to make up for it by inviting him to the bar he worked at, offering free drinks - didn't expect that only a few hours later he and steve would be sat in the same booth steve had been stood up in a month earlier.

they had a lot to talk about, it turned out. caught up on the kids and robin and nancy, talked about hawkins for way too long and then talked about getting out of there

and steve revealed he'd bought a place, in the city. with help from his parents on the deposit and help from brick in moving his stuff over he was basically settled in

its not too far from here, actually. if you wanted to -

yes absolutely I need to see how king steve decorates

dont get your hopes up , steve grumbled and they headed out the bar and walked along the thin curb aside the wide road, barely a sidewalk that turned into barely an alley into a cul-de-sac of bmw's and jeeps

this is a whole house, eddie said, arriving at the door. you live here alone?

well bricks over a lot and - my parents wanted it to be a forever home, didn't wanna have to fork out for a deposit again. they want grandkids

eddie parked himself on the leather sofa, kept getting distracted by signs of life - photos on the wall, magazines with pages folded over and torn out, rings of water on the coffee table from glasses used without coasters - until he said, off hand and barely thinking

and do they know that you can't have kids?

steve, still lingering in the doorway, stood up straight, furrowed his brow, took to tidying up about the place before he continued

yes but you know they like to pretend. anyway its - i still want kids

does brick?

we're not - steve stopped talking. stopped moving too

what? eddie asked

me and brick we aren't gonna make it to that point. thats obvious right?

is it?

steve ignored eddie, took himself to the kitchen, returned with two bottles of beer and sat down beside eddie

are you single? steve asked

I am, yeah, as always. eddie replied.

I'm gonna break up with brick. steve replied, let the silence linger for a moment then reached over to the coffee table to pick up the remote

you wanna watch a movie? he asked.

eddie nodded, didn't know what else to say, just watched the movie and wondered when was the best time to head off. he didn't intend to wake up the next morning on steve's couch, his neck at an awkward angle as he blinked up at the sunlight pooling through the blinds. he could hear the angry whispers of two men coming from the hallway, if only they were in the kitchen he could have snuck out. but no, they were blocking his only exit and so he sat awkwardly on the edge of the sofa, took a sip of day old beer and waited for his chance to escape

part 4 coming soon <3

tags under read more - let me know if you want to be tagged in updates

@caelestbliss @phantypurple @romantiklen @plyerice27

#steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #gay eddie munson #gay steve harrington #gay steve ficlet

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dragonflylady77 · 2 years

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Ficlet: Steve can't take it anymore

Chapter 2: I can't let you leave like this

This chapter is for @/Nam_suki420111 on Twitter who provided some very important lines at the end. <3

Ch1 Ch3 You can also find this fic on Ao3

“Where are you going?” Steve asks when he sees Billy head off towards his car.

They had smashed the monsters and saved the world then all ended up at the diner for a post-victory feast, happy to be alive.

Everyone seemed to tolerate—if not begrudgingly accept—that Billy was part of the group now, filling him in about the Upside Down and the events of the previous year, though no one mentioned what had prompted him to join the group. There were looks which Steve did his best to ignore.

Hopper took Max home, after she had a stressful-looking hushed conversation with Billy in a corner of the diner. Steve is curious but doesn't want to pry.

They’re the only two people left in the carpark now.

“Billy?” Steve calls again and this time, Billy stops.

He doesn’t turn around though so Steve covers the distance separating them, noticing the tension in the other teen’s shoulders.

The tremor is so small he’d have missed it if he hadn’t been staring at Billy’s back. He wants to put a hand on Billy’s shoulder but refrains. Despite the kiss earlier and what Billy said after, he’s not sure how well received the gesture would be.

“I’m tired, Harrington. What do you want?” Billy’s head drops and when Steve comes around him, he’s rubbing his face with both hands. It does something inside Steve’s chest.

“You’re not going home, that much is clear, or you’d have taken Max yourself. So where are you gonna go?”

Billy shrugs, his eyes focusing on a point behind Steve. “What’s it to you? I’ll just park somewhere and sleep in my car. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Steve reaches out and puts a hand on Billy’s arm. “That’s not safe. There might still be some Demodogs around.”

Billy snorts. “Safer than my house, princess.”

Steve lets his arm drop and frowns, his exhausted brain trying to piece together little bits of information to form a rather unsavoury picture. “Come to my house then.”

“I doubt your parents would be happy with the likes of me hanging out with the likes of you.”

“Fuck my parents. They’re never home anyway. I haven’t seen them since the summer, they hate the cold.” Steve swallows his bitterness. He’s become used to it but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

“No parents? Shit, that must be nice.”

“It gets lonely,” Steve tells him truthfully, feeling his cheeks heating up because of the pointed look Billy throws his way.

“Yeah, that’s really not my problem. See ya.” Billy steps around Steve and continues towards his car.

Steve chases after him, his hand slamming the door of the Camaro shut when Billy tries to open it. “No. Billy, I can’t let you leave like this.” He manages not to blink when Billy stares him down, and he’s grateful to the car behind him for holding him up. He’s so fucking tired.

“Let me leave? Who the fuck do you think you are, pretty boy?” Billy grits out.

Steve winces at the anger in Billy’s voice and he gets flustered, trying to find a way to defuse the situation, grasping at straws. He spots Billy’s hands tighten into fists and braces himself, but Billy’s hands don’t leave his sides. Steve takes courage from that.

“Someone who cares if you get eaten!”

Billy laughs and Steve bristles, his confidence taking a hit. He doesn’t move from his spot between Billy and the car though.

“I’m sorry, you care? About me? Right. Whatever. You know what? It’s late, I’m beat after all this monster hunting and world saving and warding off the evil glares of your gaggle of teenagers. So how about I promise to park somewhere safe and to lock all the doors? Will that get you off my back?”

“Billy…”

“Steve.”

“Can’t you just… follow me to my house?” Steve isn’t sure why it’s suddenly so important that Billy come home with him.

“Why would I do that?”

“It’ll be warmer than your car. And I have alcohol.”

“Go on.”

Steve takes a breath and his next words rush out. “And I really think we should talk about what happened earlier. You-you kissed me.”

“You kissed me first, princess!”

Steve sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. “Yeah.” His face gets softer. “Yeah, I did.”

“Gotta say, Harrington, as far as distracting tactics go, you might want to be careful who you use it with though. Other people might not be as understanding and punch you anyway.”

Steve scoffs, then shakes his head, muttering under his breath. “Wasn’t trying to distract you.”

“Okay, Steve, I’ll bite, what were you trying to do?”

“Could we… could we not have that conversation in the middle of a carpark?”

Billy stares at him for so long Steve starts to worry he’d fallen asleep standing up with his eyes open. Finally, Billy blinks slowly, his eyes narrowing on Steve, like he’d made up his mind about something and he offers Steve a brief nod.

“Fine. Lead the way.”

#dfl writes #harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #billy x steve #harringrove fanfiction #why fight a guy when you can kiss him instead

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k--havok · 7 months

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@starlit-hopes-and-dreams suggested I share my cat-related horror stories that have scarred me for years to the point that, to this day, I refuse to own a cat.

I have 2 stories, one a little longer than the other.

TW: My stories contain the neglect of cats (and a beta fish), so if you're sensitive to that... I suggest not reading further.

Story 1

As I mentioned before, I am very sensitive to "cat smell" which is what I have dubbed the ammonia-like stench that seems to permeate most houses and people who have cats. I'm so sensitive to it I can smell it whenever one of my local pet stores has a "caturday"

A person who I was friends with at the time dragged me to one of these caturdays one a day we were planning on hanging out due to her dad randomly deciding they could get a cat.

There was no prep for the house to get a cat. They already owned two senior dogs, one of which was blind, who did not grow up with cats and were never really around cats.

I took her to the pet store after she got some cash from her house and helped her buy all the supplies for said cat... and then she had to actually pick out a cat. She eventually picked up a tabby who did not like being put in the cardboard carrier. Driving her and the cat home nearly gave me a heart attack I am pretty sure. Especially sine I am very protective regarding my car and did not want the cat to bust out and possibly hurt itself, us, and my seats. There was also the cat-smell. Which stayed in the car for several days after this trip. Eesh.

Anyways, after that kerfuffle I let her get settled with her new pet... feeling a bit worried for the cat. This girl was well-known to forget to feed her beta fish for weeks on end. Why her parents decided she could get a cat... I do not know.

This cat made multiple escape attempts, which was not hard as they had a doggy door for the two senior dogs.

As bad as the cat escaping was, its litter box conditions were bad. See, she did not clean it all the time (even tho she promised her parents she would) and they made her move it out of the laundry room (which kinda makes sense for a litter box) into her carpeted room. Next to her bed.

I visited her one night and her room stank. I could barely breathe. Not only that but litter was everywhere. In the carpet. On the TV stand. Even in the bed. I decided to go sleep on the couch as I could not stand how nasty everything was. And when I got home I washed my clothes and took the longest shower I could. My clothes were permeated with cat-smell and I had to wash them twice to get it out.

I fell out of friendship with this person due to how... childish she was. When all this was taking place, she was like. 22 years old. Her disposition really affected our friendship and it had to end. I don't know what happened to the cat but I do hope it was ok. Despite the gross litter box, and it escaping twice, it wasn't in any danger. It was chunky, the dogs ignored it, and the parents seemed to be keeping an eye on it.

I will note, before I go to the next story, one other incident. She kept buying like... Iams or purina or whatever. And listen, I don't know much about cat food, but I do know dog food and what shitty dog food looks like. And it was shitty cat food I'm pretty sure. Well the cat kept getting sick so she took it to the vet and long story short she had to change to a different food that actually had nutrients in it. And she bitched about how the new food cost more. She bitched about this constantly.

And she was not destitute! She worked a full-time job and the majority of her budget was spent on fast food daily and clothes. She did buy the new food but boy she would not shut up about how much she did not want to. Like... girl having to pay for a pet is like. Pet Owning 101.

Anyways.

Story 2

This one is a little... sadder. I had a friend who had two cats that he got to help with his depression and to make his apartment feel less lonely when he was kicked out of his parent's house. And in the beginning years the cats were very well taken care of.

But then the pandemic hit. Personal life and mental illness hit him. And his life was not the same.

His now-wife's grandfather passed away suddenly and he had to help her and her family drive across the country to attend the funeral. Her parents are very cheap and did not want to get plane tickets, even tho the drive would be over 20 hours. On top of that, his wife cannot drive, so he also went to make sure they got up there safe and could switch around drivers since they were going to drive straight up there with no overnight stops.

They would be gone for at least a week, maybe more, so he asked me and my partner to watch the cats for him. I went in the evenings and my partner went in the mornings.

Now the last I saw this apartment it was a little messy but nothing worse for wear. When I entered after years of not visiting due to the pandemic... holy hell. The cat-smell hit me before I even opened the door. I could smell it standing on the other side.

And... god. It was a hoard home. That could not be denied. Things were everywhere. Rotting food in the kitchen. Clothes and trash piled up in corners and all over the floor. And worse, the floor was carpet.

He, like my friend in story 1, kept the litter box on carpet. Except this litter box was an open one with no cover. And the cats were not the most well behaved and liked to kick the litter out. Litter was all over the floor. And so was poop. Cat turds were everywhere, some just sitting there, some smushed into the carpet. And speaking of the carpet... he fed the cats both wet and dry food. The wet food he did not put in a bowl. He just peeled back the little containers and set them on the carpet. And the cats would knock over the containers, the wet food spilling out, and would smush it into the carpet as well as they ate it. The entire carpet was brown rather than beige and crusty as well.

The dry food went into a flat, oval-shaped dish. When I first went to feed them, I picked up the dish and looked for a trashcan to dump out the old food. Well my friend left his trash can full. And he had no trash bags. So I had to go get trashbags. And when I did go to dump out the old food... only part of it came out. Half of the food was completely crusted to the bottom. I went to find a papertowel to scoop it out. No paper towels. So another trip to the store.

I could not get the food out. It was crusted so badly that it would need to be deep cleaned. But... I think ya'll get the picture. No dish soap.

Now, another part of this story is how skittish these cats were. They would flee like cockroaches as soon as I entered the apartment. So I decided to Pavlov' them. They came whenever I shook their treat can, so I made an effort to give them treats whenever I first entered the apartment, whenever they came up to me willingly, and whenever I left. The first cat only took 2 days to catch on. She'd be meowing at the door for treats as soon as she heard me unlocking the door. The second took almost all week, but by the end of it, I could pet both of them and have them come up to me sans-treats.

Now the second cat, when he finally came up to me, I realized he had some matted fur. Both these cats were long-haired. And his matted fur was around the neck area. I looked for a brush and... okay, yeah ya'll know what is coming next.

Well, I fed him treats, and using my fingers, I did my best to gently brush out his fur. I couldn't get the entire knot out, but I did manage to smooth his fur out somewhat.

When my friend got back, I gave him an earful about brushing the cats fur. He said the male cat did not like his fur being brushed. I told him to buckle up butter cup cause it still needs to be done even if the cat did not like it. He had no answer regarding the full litter box he left me and my partner nor the food crust or anything else. His now-wife agreed with me on the state of the apartment and said she'd been bugging him about everything but... yeesh.

Well, he moved from there and I briefly visited his new place. In the new place, the cats are only allowed in one of the bedrooms. Altho he had only lived there for a month, the cat-smell punched me yet again.

There was no poop in the carpet, but there was litter and wet cat food already starting to crust.

Besides the fur and gross living conditions, the cats seemed fine. Claws weren't overgrown, healthy weight, normal behavior (even tho they were skittish).

I did not really know what to do in such a situation. I just let him know how I felt and chewed him out. He said he would start cleaning out their bowls better, claimed he cleaned the litter box every other day (lies but I don't own cats... and maybe his do poop that much....), and promised to start brushing out their fur. He really does love his cats, but I also know he is not taking care of them, or himself, as well as he should. As gross as the living situation was, he was also living in that mess too. But its still incredibly sad. I thought about calling animal control or some society to take a look at the situation, but sadly, there are already too many animals out there in foster homes. And besides the living conditions, the cats were fine. Up to date on all shots and everything. Unless they were physically being harmed or had signs of neglect minus some knotted fur (like being underweight or had wounds), I figured not much would be done.

Either way, I did what I could. I avoid this friend a lot now. And furthermore, the second situation is what scarred me. I cannot overstate how disgusted I was. To this day, I do not own a cat. And I cannot see myself owning one anytime in the near future either.

#shutuplanx #about me #anti cats #but not really #tw cat neglect #long post

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mother-of-houseplants-2 · 6 months

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another stupid ugly terrible gross feeling that makes me feel like a bad person is feeling angry about people who never heard me when i told them about my abuse.

i’m not talking about teachers who ignored concerning essays or friends who laughed off complaints about parents as just silly preteen angst. no no no. it’s worse than that. sicker, meaner. angrier.

when i was 19, my parents had cps called on them because my little sister had a child abuse seminar at school and told her teacher that we had both been abused. i came home for spring break and there was a letter at the door. we were all in panic mode because my sister had broken the cardinal rule: you never tell anyone, ever.

i grew up trying to protect her. shield her. it kills me to this day that my parents put their hands on her the second i wasn’t there to take their anger out on anymore, the second i left. i felt like a monster; still do sometimes. i lay awake at night thinking about it. i abandoned my baby. i left her and she got hurt. i’ll never forgive myself.

when this all was going down, i tearfully texted my two friends. both of them had had their run-ins with cps as children. embarrassingly, i resented them for this too: that they got help and i didn’t. that the angry men in their houses went away and mine didn’t. that someone came and decided to protect them and help them and no one did that for me.

this is besides the point. it is another feeling i feel guilty about.

this happened so long ago, but i still can’t get over how callous their responses were. it was so… minimizing. don’t worry, it takes a lot for parents to get in trouble. nothing will probably come of it. and then - a change of topic.

as though, because no one stepped in when i was a child, what i went through couldn’t have been as bad as what they did. as though, because my mother never left my father, what he did couldn’t have been as terrible as what theirs did. as though, because i acted so put together and was able to do well in school and never went to therapy, my trauma couldn’t have been as bad as theirs. as though it wasn’t “a lot.” not enough.

i had this horrible moment - alone, barely an adult, terrified that my parents would lose custody of my sister and i would have to drop out of college to raise her - when i realized that no one could hear me. i was in this hole where all i could see was the way i was raised, and all anyone else could see was the top of my head, neatly combed, and they thought everything was okay. what’s more, they didn’t want to hear me. because then i wouldn’t be ami, who gets to be relatively normal. i would be ami, who was also abused.

and it’s not fair because they were also 19 and lonely and reeling from their own traumas. but i am angry about it now. i shouldn’t be; it’s stupid! irrational! dumb! it doesn’t matter anymore!

but doesn’t it though?

because i stopped texting as much after that. it wasn’t even a conscious choice. i just… felt so hurt and betrayed that i disengaged a little bit. and then a little more. and a little more. and a little more…

i text these old friends once every few months now. i wish them a happy birthday, a merry christmas. i don’t know what’s going on in their lives, who their friends are, how they feel about their new haircuts. i miss them, i miss their potential to be good friends to me, but i don’t miss feeling unheard. i don’t miss feeling uncared for.

but i miss them anyway. and i’m still so fucking mad.

what the fuck is wrong with me?

oh, and of course, my parents told us to lie. nothing did come of the cps investigation after all.

#abuse tw #personal #ugly terrible feelings #that are not fair #or rational #or kind #but are there all the same #🤡🔫#i hate having feelings but more than that i hate having unkind feelings. but like what do i do with all of this. where do i put it down.

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aromanticbuck · 2 years

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Getting back to you on 2011/high infidelity, feel free to ignore this ask until you feel coherent and in a space to answer 💖💖💖💝💝💝

Okay, this is gonna be maybe bare bones of it? I might let it get away from me. We'll see. I think the "trilogy" of 2011 songs is High Infidelity/Anti-Hero/Labyrinth, with Karma as like... an epilogue? If that makes any sense? Hear me out for a second. Yes, I'm color coding things again. It keeps me sane.

Yes, Anti-Hero is absolutely a Thelma song but it was a Mouse song first so that's a different essay

High Infidelity is like summer of 2011, Mouse coming out to his parents and getting kicked out, that kind of... crash, I guess, of this reality that he was so wrong about them and how they would react. And a part of it kind of ties forward into November, too, but I'll get to that later.

Anti-Hero is September/October 2011, that fear of coming out to Jay because that truth about himself already cost him his parents and that familial relationship he thought was unbreakable, and he can't bear the idea of losing his best friend because of it, too. And that carries us up through brunch.

Labyrinth is such a specific vibe. It's the night of November 14th, 2011, waking up at Med with Jay there and that sudden realization of, oh shit, maybe this isn't just friendship that I feel for him (I could tie Glitch into this moment really easily too, but that's a different essay)

Karma is years later, once Jay and Mouse actually get together. It's the aftermath of everything, and Mouse reflecting back on all the shit he went through and how things worked out so that he's happy now and his parents and their opinions don't matter - the best revenge is living his best life kind of thing.

Yeah, this is gonna get unruly, so I'll put in a read more.

Warnings for: homophobia, drug use/addiction, depression, anxiety, attempted suicide

So High Infidelity really jumps right in it with the feels, here, because the first verse has the lyric blind hoping, you said I was freeloading, I didn't know you were keeping count. And it's that vibe of having the rug ripped out from under him when he came out, he thought he was safe because he had a roof over his head and his parents loved him, and then he's being kicked out with no warning and no support. But that fear has always been there, in the back of his mind, for a decade at that point, because he's known that he's gay since high school, and went along with the pressure he faced from his parents for all that time - that pressure to find a woman and settle down and have kids to pass the family name and money and power to one day. Even if it killed him inside to pretend and keep lying - your picket fence is sharp as knives, I was dancing around it.

There's part of the second verse that really captures his feelings on coming out and the hindsight he gets about that decision - both about coming out and the consequences of it, and keeping it to himself for so long before saying something:

storm coming, good husband, bad omen dragged my feet right down the aisle at the house lonely, good money I'd pay if you'd just know me seemed like the right thing at the time you know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love the slowest way is not loving them enough

And a part of him still believes that his parents did love him, potentially still do, but it wasn't enough. It didn't make up for this major slight in their eyes, and he wasn't worthy of that love anymore, no matter what they might claim. He'd kind of been a failure in their eyes since he dropped out of school anyway, so he was just failing again, in a different way, another reason to add to the pile for why they wanted nothing to do with him, for why he was a miserable son who could have been better for them and the family image if he tried a little harder - high infidelity, put on your records and regret me.

And that brings us right up to Anti-Hero, a song about taking all the blame for everything and struggling to see how someone would find them worthy of love. And that's kind of why I've been thinking of it as a song about his fear about telling Jay and potentially losing his best friend on top of everything he's already lost - I wake up screaming from dreaming one day I'll watch as you're leaving and life will lose all its meaning.

But in hiding that part of himself, he internalizes a lot of the feelings that his parents have made very clear to him. That he's the failure in all of this, that it's his fault his life fell apart the way it did, because of this thing he can't control. And he even lies to Jay about why he moved out, claiming it was his idea because he wanted his own space, and his parents' homophobia and forcing his hand the way they did doesn't even make it into the conversation. It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.

It's another thing that's kind of killing him slowly, being so alone and not actually having someone to talk to - I should not be left to my own devices, they come with prices and vices. I end up in crisis. Because he was already struggling so much with his parents' support, and having that taken away definitely made him retreat into himself and rely more on painkillers to cope. And that's another mistake that Mouse makes, another failure for the pile, another reason for everyone to leave, even when Jay doesn't, another burden to put on the people around him. It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero.

And that opinion is reinforced at brunch, when Thelma is correcting every little thing he does even with an audience of Jay and the entire room, when he's outed before he's ready - to his best friend and to everyone else just trying to eat their meals around their table because a scene got made. It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me. at teatime, everybody agrees. He's the reason it's such a big deal, the reason the scene was made in the first place, and him trying to stop it only made it bigger. He's the reason so many people had their days disrupted by his drama that he couldn't control well enough. And that internal blame turns into a downward spiral, which leads us into Labyrinth.

it only feels this raw right now lost in the labyrinth of my mindbreak up, break freebreak through, break down

It's the start of this... arc of sorts. He hits rock bottom because no one was trying to catch him before he got there. But he does start to realize that he can't rely on his parents anymore, and he's assuming he can't reach out to Jay after the truth got out, so he keeps retreating and pulling back from help even when it's offered. He feels so alone, and he was already hitting that breaking point of just not being able to do it anymore, and one bad microwave dinner in an empty, cold apartment when he's behind on rent is just that final straw. So he takes out his bottle of pills and takes the rest of them, and that's supposed to be it. All of the hurt and the disappointment is supposed to be over.

And then he wakes up. In a crappy hospital bed with a thin mattress, and the monitors beeping and wheezing is really annoying, but that's not what he's focusing on. Because Jay is there, half asleep, next to him at rock bottom even if there was no way to catch him in time, and it's the first time he's seen someone make a visible effort to help him beyond offers of free food and criticism in... as long as he can remember. It's the first solid proof he's gotten that someone cares about him in any capacity in months. It's the first thing that he can hold onto that gives him hope, even if it's tiny and dim - I thought the plane was going down. How'd you turn it right around?

It's not perfect, and it's not an immediate recovery from everything he's still trying to process, and nothing will be. As much as this is a Moustead song, at the core, it's perfect for this moment of the beginning of his recovery, even if it's going to be long and the trauma his parents put him through might never stop affecting him. I'll be getting over you my whole life.

But his overdose is definitely the moment he realizes how much Jay means to him. Because yes, he was already Mouse's best friend, and that loss would have hurt so much, but now it's elevated, a little bit. Whether it's because the feelings are genuine and have been lingering there for a while or because Jay actively saved his life (again) and he feels that debt, the effect is the same:

you would break your back to make me break a smile you know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back just like that uh oh, I'm falling in love oh no, I'm falling in love again

Those feelings are there, and he doesn't know what to do about them. He can't act on them. He can't ignore them forever. But one thing is certain in all of it - he's alive, and breathing, and it's all because of Jay, not his parents or even his own force of will. His parents' love, or what they claimed was love, was killing him, and the love of his best friend brought him back. And that all ties back together with High Infidelity, too:

you know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love the slowest way is never loving them enough do you really wanna know where I was April 29th? do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

And then we have to do this major jump forward for Karma. Because Labyrinth is just the start of Mouse recovering from everything his parents did, and Karma is the very end of that arc.

It's when he finally gets to that point of being happy with is life despite how hard he hit rock bottom. Because he still has his best friend there with him, and hasn't spoken to the people who hurt him the most in years, and everything is okay. He got his happy ending despite them, not because of them. He got what he deserves, not what his parents thought he deserved, and it's especially satisfying that it goes against everything they actually wanted for him:

karma is my boyfriend karma is a god karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend karma's a relaxing thought aren't you envious that for you it's not?

ask me what I learned from all those years ask me what I earned from all those tears ask me why so many fade when I'm still here

He earned his happy ending, dammit. He went through so much and he deserves a reward for making it as far as he did. And he gets it. And it's so satisfying just to come out the other side of everything in one piece.

#answered #shae tag #lovelymysticmoon #alex says things #greg mouse gerwitz #mouse gerwitz #greg gerwitz #cpd #chicago pd #one chicago #mouse backstory*#i have way too many thoughts about this album #it dropped less than 24 hours ago #have an almost 2k essay about it

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calypso-finale · 1 year

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Fifty One. Part 2

I really wasn’t expecting Aziel back home, I mean my mother has been on the phone to me about it all but I was not expecting Aziel back today because it is his birthday and I don’t mind him having Aziel but that witch can go and fuck herself. I felt so helpless, she is so manipulative too making out I am not that good of a mother, it’s a lie and I don’t know what she is playing at, I know she is playing a game, I feel like she is playing some sort of sick game and I don’t like it. Oakley seemed so different from the guy I met at Kairo house, he seemed very light hearted, smiling and joking and he seems better anyways, and I am happy for him. I hope he does have a good birthday for himself but knowing Oakley, he can be boring, it would be me telling him let’s go to a club. He is a old man at heart, and I do love that with him. He is the calm that I need because I am just always on some shit “look” Aziel pointed “I don’t know why it’s not connecting baby, let’s try again. Is grandpa disconnecting the call, maybe he don’t want to see you” trying to reconnect the skype call to him, my parents want to see Aziel “oh I think it’s doing it now” it finally connected “yay” he lifted his arms up “hey big A! my boy, look at you. Oh Rylee, let these cornrows go, they dead” I gasped “dad! he literally just came back, the thing is that old white bitch don’t know black hair, have you seen her kids? How the hell did her kids skip that black gene? I fear she did something but I do it, well I did it because I knew he was going to the white side but then he’s back with it looking a mess, I will fix it” my dad is such an annoying pest, he is laughing because I get temperamental when it comes to his hair “shave it, ayo Aziel. Tell mom to shave your hair” Aziel looked at me “ignore him but he is back, I didn’t expect him back really” my dad grinned “I make shit happen, I don’t like my daughter upset. I told him that your family don’t respect my daughter, just because she came to the house how she did they don’t respect, I ain’t having that shit you need to fix your home and give my daughter Aziel back, looks like he did it, I rate him for it he didn’t do anything else” shaking my head “no he didn’t but it’s his birthday so I assumed he would keep him but like yeah, he is back” my mom popped up “my hazel eyed Barbadian king” my dad side eyed my mom “you love to slip in Barbados? You’re sick” laughing my parents “because he is Barbadian, I love my country so shut up” nothing will come between my mom and her country.

Aziel slid off the chair, he has had enough of my parents “do not, I mean do not make a mess of your toys” I sat down instead “look at you threatening him, so how are you feeling? I hate when you cry” I shrugged “because she just making out I am a bad mother because I am young and I get it, and it’s lonely and I feel it, I do. Being a mother is hard when trying to work and I am feeling it, you get calls and it’s like come to Milan, photoshoot and I see Aziel and he is sleeping and I don’t want to drag him to the airport, it’s like it’s fast pace and I can’t be at that pace, I am finding it hard. I am putting my hands up and admitting that. I feel like I get lost and I forget myself, I can go a few days and I am like wait, when was the last time I showered, because I haven’t left the house, there is always something to do, and then I do it when he is asleep. My life is Aziel and I feel like I am doing it wrong” I admitted “I am coming to London, I think erm, you need your mother there. It’s ok to be not ok Rylee and ask for help, just because I am here doesn’t mean I cannot hop on a jet, I am coming there. Just me, nobody else and I am going to fix the issues and I am going to make sure these people that are not working around you, will be working around you. It’s hard to be a mom and work too, and do things and that is why I kind of wanted you to stay in LA since the breakdown with you and him but I think in the sense of being out of the bad vibes, you are ok. So dad and I decided, and I am coming there. When you wake up tomorrow, I will be there. And nobody lies on my daughter, nobody” looking away from the laptop, a small sob left my lips “just, I. I don’t know, I feel a little lost, like you said” I managed to say before wiping my tears “and I am coming, it’s ok Rylee. You’re still learning, it’s first time” she said “super nanny is coming Rylee” my dad made me laugh “stop it” I chuckled, he can always make me laugh in such a shit situation.

Since that nasty old woman took Aziel to Disney he has been picking out Disney characters now, he wants to watch Mickey, he wants to wear it too. He just had a fit that I put his night clothes on that isn’t Mickey so I changed it, to shut him up “you sleep in your own bed tonight” he seems very unsure that he wants to sleep in his own bed “because of grandpa, we will take these out. He is laughing at you, we can’t have that” I know they say I should just leave Aziel to it and let him sleep but I always got to lay with him for a while, Aziel grabbed my nose “got ya!” he spat laughing “hey!” I spat laughing “you won’t like it when I get your nose, stop being silly” leaning down and pressing a kiss on his forehead “mommy, mommy” he lifted his hands up to me “yes?” he poked his lips out “you want a kiss?” he nodded his head, leaning down to him and he grabbed my head and he kissed my forehead “ha, you’re silly but thank you” he is stupid this boy “enough now, mommy will go if you don’t sleep” he turned around facing me and snuggled right into me “ok” rolling my eyes, my phone lit up, I put it on silent because he will want to play if I keep it on loud during this time, lifting the phone up, my eyes did a doubletake, that is Oakley, why is he texting me.

From: Lovey

I groaned out seeing the name, I should change it to Oakley now because I mean we aren’t together and that’s just stupid now, I will do it later, opening the message.

From: Lovey

Contact me for anything U don’t need to contact Wadz

So he’s unblocked me, that’s nice that he did but I need to change that name. Looking down at Aziel, he’s already asleep just like that. He snuggled up to me and fell asleep, I need to fix his hair before my dad teases him again but I felt so helpless when she took him and Wadz said Oakley asked if I didn’t tell anyone but you know, really I did want to tell my parents but I felt like I keep running to them so I left it, it just makes me feel like she is watching me and is trying it with me, like she wants me to lose my son, I feel she is plotting on me and that alone scares me, what if she tries to make me out to be bad and I lose him, I wouldn’t, I couldn’t. My mom would kill her, I just feel I am being weak about shit, I’m just stressed out and really I’ve been so busy but at the same time I haven’t been, my mom is about to have my life in order once she arrives, she is going to get Dior for what they did, I mean it’s rude to ask that of me knowing I can’t just up and leave and then dropped me for it so I know my mom, she will really tell them how it is so good luck to them.

I could watch Bridgerton over and over again, I only rewatched it this time around because Oakley said he’s never watched it so I was like ok this is my chance to watch it all again, I should get new shows to watch but this just be hitting, the girls are in the group chat laughing that I’m in bed by nine, I’m tired and I’ve done nothing, this is so sad. Maybe it’s my depression but they want to take me out now, I mean it would be nice because it’s been weeks since I last saw them. Seeing the drop down “ugh, god. I need to change that” every time I see Lovey I gag now, tapping on the notification.

Lovey: Lee?

Raising an eyebrow “mhmm” why he text me for, and again.

Rylee: What’s up?

He’s online now, these British people love using WhatsApp it’s not something we always use in America, but these do.

Lovey: 🤣 I thought u blocked me too I just wanted to see

He’s a liar because you know when someone blocks you, this guy thinks I’m dumb.

Rylee: I’m not petty

Lovey: My middle name uno! Petty, what you doing?

Rylee: Watching Netflix in bed, I’m obliged to ask so you?

Lovey: My Netflix account? Same really, watching Netflix on MY account

Rylee: It was a joint decision that you let me use it, stop it! Watching Bridgerton, something you hate 🙃

Lovey: I’ve started watching that again too! How crazy I didn’t want to mess up your time stamp on where you at

Rylee: Happy Birthday Simon 🏃‍♀️

Lovey: I’m better looking shut up!!!

I can’t believe he is in bed at home like an old man on his birthday even my dad still parties and he’s going on pensioner.

Rylee: You’re so boring, it’s your birthday. You did nothing!?

Lovey: Made my bed yeah? I’m not seriously bothered, it’s another day.

I feel bad because Aziel was supposed to be with him, I never stopped that but hasn’t anyone done anything, he’s so boring.

Rylee: Free tomorrow? You can take Aziel? Around five?

Lovey: You going out?

Rylee: Maybe! Come about then or whatever.

Lovey: Alright! Since u want to be independent u can take him with u. Call it empowerment init

Rylee: How dare you! I hate when you say about empowerment.

Lovey: Women power and all that business

Rylee: 🖕🏾

I decided to actually do something for Oakley, he didn’t even blow candles out “what you think?” Wadz said “it’s cute, thank you for doing that, I’m just going to get the door” I didn’t want to invite Kairo but it’s a friend so whatever, I mean I guess I have to do that “mommy” Aziel said “door” he pointed “I know baby” he is so nosey, making my way to the door and opening it “hey baby” my mom said, my smile grew “mom!” Hugging her “I came as fast as I could, my baby” now I am crying “you should have called me ages ago! Stupid girl” I sniffled “I know mom, I’m sorry I just feel so useless” she shushed me “and where did you go? Baby’s day out” Aziel smiled at my mom “he’s been on an adventure, give nana a hug” Rich looks tired, he’s about ready to go home already, my mom must have dragged him out “what is happening here?” My mom has peeped the banners inside, walking backward back in a little “oh I felt bad about him, I wasn’t mad that he had him, I was mad that his mother did that so he bought him back and he didn’t exactly celebrate his day, so I felt bad, didn’t even have cake so some of his friends are here, just a little thing for him” my mom smiled “that’s fine, why not. He’s not had a good time; this will make him happy. So anyways, guess who follows me, his mother. We found her page and I was like this bitch, tomorrow we will see her, I want to see her, I do not care. Nobody does that to mine, also I want to know who disrespected you with the Milan business, I’m going to deal with it” my mother loves doing business “I will” my mom sighed out “come in” waving her in, Rich is side eyeing the people in the apartment already and he hasn’t even got to the living too. The boys are just having more fun with balloons then anything “holy shit, Rihanna” Kairo said “hey” Wadz waved “we meet again” my mom said “wow, Rihanna is so beautiful” he has heart eyes right now, he will get over it.

Oakley is very on time with things, he’s here as soon as it hit 5 “just please be quiet” they are loud, Aziel is doing his usual run to the door to see who it is “I’m coming” I said aloud “why are you excited” he is wanting me to open the door quickly, unlocking the door and pulling it open a little “daddy” he ran out and I kind of slid outside the door “alright Aziel, you miss me that much” he said, crossing my arms across my chest “you going out then?” He picked up Aziel “I mean you dressed to go out” oh he noticed “I am, so I may have a little surprise for you” he furrowed his eyebrows “for who?” He is so slow “for you, you want to come in?” He is so confused “erm, why?” He looks scared “Aziel and I want to do this for you, it’s a surprise inside” pushing the door open wider “awww” he laughed “why? I’m ok you know; I don’t mind it. It’s nothing but since you did that, I mean I cannot just not go inside” I smiled stepping back “you didn’t warn me Aziel” he said as he walked off with him “nana!” Aziel spat, he half shouted. Walking behind them “my G!” Kairo said “huh, why you here. What?” He said in shock, I mean it’s nothing “surprise my guy” Wadz made his way over to him “this is for me? Like this is dope, you did this” he looked at me “it’s literally nothing. Don’t mind it” I chuckled “wow, this is amazing, thank you. Oh Rihanna, wow. Thank you” he is so cute, he looks amazed by something so small “he looks so happy, that’s sweet. He’s lost more weight” my mom said “yeah, he’s skinny and now he’s even more skinny” watching him with his friends “I’m still going to beat his mom up though” my mother is funny, she will get his mom “thank you Rylee, but you really shouldn’t have” I jumped at Oakley right there, I thought he was with his friends “don’t be, it’s nothing. It’s just from Aziel, he may have bought you a gift too” he is happy, I like that “it’s attentive” he said before walking off again, he don’t know what to do.

Looking at Wadz “you pulled it off good, it’s hard to look at myself” nodding my head “it was very last minute, but yeah” I put the picture of Oakley and his best friend with Aziel, he was holding onto Aziel. Oakley sent this picture because I asked him where he is with Aziel, this was in west and I hated when he took him there but he sent me this picture, I kept it “ok just gather them” I said to Wadz, lighting the candles “gather around!” Wadz half shouted, once I lit the candles up “happy birthday brother” picking up the cake and making my way over to the dining table, Oakley is smiling so hard right now, I love it. I don’t want to drop the cake now “oh shit” Wyge said, placing the cake down and Oakley just stared down at it, he looked up at me “what” he breathed out, he pressed his lips into a hard thin line, he is getting teary eyed “make a wish bro, come on” he put his head down “man” he took in a deep breath and then he blew the candles out, clapping my hands cheering “thank you, thank you” he looked at the cake again, a tear left his eye “my brother, thank you” Oakley hugged me, I mean I didn’t expect the hug “I forgot about that picture, thank you” I don’t know if to hug him back or not.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Chrianna Fanfic #Chrianna Fanfiction

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ohmyf-ck · 2 years

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Why I love Rom-Coms: A blatant reminder for future in love me.

I am currently eight months into being twenty two years old and never have felt what it's like to feel love. By love, I mean the romantic kind;not the parent-child or friend love or the sometimes reluctant sibling love. No. I mean the type of love where you think about this particular person every waking hour (not in an obsessive stalker way, just the 'I wonder what they're doing when I'm not there' and 'Are they thinking about me right now?' Okay that does sound stalkerish (note to self: DON'T EVER DESCRIBE IT LIKE THAT TO ANYONE ELSE...EVER!)) Anyway, what I mean to say is that I have never felt the innate need to spontaneously start slow dancing in the kitchen to 'old' music with the person I adore (obviously the nonexistent as of current).

I'm not entirely to sure why I have decided to write this at 2:22 in the morning; whether it's because I just finished watching 'The Broken Hearts Club' on Netflix for the first time or whether it's because I feel incredibly lonely. Let's be honest, as it is, you enjoy watching these sappy fictional stories just so the masochist in you receives some form of gratification. I am really starting to believe that I watch and read these love stories in order to either remind myself how exponentially alone I am OR to remind myself and instead, choose to ignore it by throwing myself into someone else's love story (real or fake) in order to at least feel a sliver of something.

At this point in my life, everyone I pretty much know is in a relationship. My older brother is 18 months older than me and as of current, engaged, expecting a beautiful, bouncing baby boy and is well on the way to buying a house.

My little sister is three years younger than I am and the 'wild child', if you will. She is currently in her second relationship of the year (go her). She claims to love this one and I guess she is the only one that can decide her true feelings.

My point is, when all I see around me is people in 'love' when I haven't even come close to holding hands in a romantic way, is a pain that is indescribable in itself. You can't say it's like heartbreak because to me, heartbreak is a process of mending...healing. I also wouldn't say that it's like grief either because how am I supposed to miss something that I have never had to opportunity to experience in the first place? I guess what I'm trying to get at in a round about way is that the feeling could best be described as a misplaced longing. Now the reason I refer to it as 'misplaced' is because in reality I have everything that one would require to be happy in life. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly happy but as of right now, I feel like a jigsaw missing the last piece (so cheesy). Plenty of people have said to me, "You're young, you have time." OR the dreaded, "Well, you can't rush it, your time will come."

The thing is I know it's true, my time will come - eventually. However, it is heart wrenching to be the only one without a significant other at family gatherings. When all of a sudden you get cornered by an old relative that you haven't seen in a while asking why you don't have a partner and how "anyone would be lucky to have you".

Now, stick with this next bit... it's a relevant tangent but a tangent all the same. So, do you remember your ex best friend? The one that basically mentally abused you and drained every ounce of emotion out of you like the energy vampire they were? Well, ever since you 'broke up' with them, do you remember what your Step-Dad (bless his heart) would always reassure you with? He would say, "Do you know what I see when I look at you? I see a person that someone is going to get the honour of loving one day." Now you're probably thinking, what has this got to do with anything? I think, the reason I bring this up is to remind myself that I enjoy watching these films and consuming this type of media because it gives me a chance to find characters with similar or the exact same qualities as me, recieving the love that they deserve. In doing so, although I am left feeling lonely and empty after these films, once I have had enough time to process...I realise that the qualities that I see as annoying or weird do have a possibility of being just as loved as anything else. And that, well that gives me a fuzzy comfort blanket of a reminder that to love someone truly is to wait for the right time in your life.

#incessant ramblings #sappy shit #Spotify

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dipdieddreams · 1 month

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It's not my fault

So I understand that a big part of shadow work, of radical self love, of healing, of manifestation is taking responsibility for the fact that you are a co-creator. And after last night I actually finally see who I'm being. As in I feel like a mask has dropped, a mask of 'I'm amazing and the best and can be perfect and will make it no matter what' and yes I still believe that I will make all my dreams come true. But I no longer feel like I have to be perfect all the time and constantly prove and justify why I feel that way about myself. I don't know why I feel like I've got something solid when my entire life I've been told that everything is wrong with me. I can't tell you, sorry. So I have to trust that it comes from something greater, God, inner being, infinite intelligence whatever. I don't need to prove what I feel about myself to anyone else, I feel it, as long as I act on it - it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You always seem crazy until you're succesfull. I see myself. My inexperience with life. My inexperience with relationships. Friendships. Work. Travel. The number of things I approached with a 'I will probably fail at this, or 'it's very likely I can screw this up and cause major damage to my life', foreign travel 100%. I'm not scared to screw up. I'm done feeling like it's likely I will. And I was not taught by my parents that its ok to mess up. I was never comforted after a failure and told I was still ok. My parents didn't really care, they knew I was intelligent and always trying. I wanted to be perfect.

But anyway, I see the self that's been hiding under the determination, the focus, the analysis - the person my ego didn't want me to see. And I have a huge amount to learn. I don't think I have ever been this relaxed in my life. But I'm getting off the point. I feel like my mum blames me for what didn't happen as much as she attacks me for what did. She attacked me for not having friends. For failing to make them. I never let making friends happen naturally because I would look at people and be like 'you're gonna like me' and would be so controlling about it. No wonder I struggled with friends. I was desperately lonely so I would latch onto all kinds of people. She blames me for struggling work wise. She blames me for being in the house, when I tried leaving it all the time and ignoring all my feelings and issues for a year. She attacks me for leaving a minimum wage job which was exhausting me, not paying me enough money and I can make in two days what I made in a week doing a job I actually enjoy. I understand things haven't worked out for me super well in the past. But they have worked out, I am still alive. I am still here, my mental health and sense of self is healthier- I'm writing again, I think I may have finally figured out how to physically relax which I cannot even start to tell you is amazing. But it's not like I didn't try to make things work out. I was running around with a mental programme of 'I'm a monster that no-one wants around, who is deeply unworthy of even a shred of human kindness and even a fraction of what she desires in this life, anything she receives is by the skin of her teeth, like the person hanging onto the edge of the basket while everyone else is seated firmly and safely in the basket, she is the person left without, she is the one who has to beg for scraps, her only redeemable aspect is that she is very, very smart, her desires, needs, and wants are second to every single person that has ever existed and if her desires are not beneficial for the whole, then they will be denied, they must benefit everyone else because everyone else is far more important. Love must be earned through perfection. If you're not perfect why should anyone tolerate you. Everyone hates you, everyone hates everything you are, there is nothing about you that anyone would like, let alone love' And I'll stop there but it does go deeper and it does get nastier, and so the fact that I'm ok is a miracle and a testemant to me honestly. I've pulled myself out of so many dark places, and my mum is always saying 'people don't care' or 'won't appreciate that' and some people will. Some people will see just how hard I've worked and how much I've grown and why things mean so much to me. Just because people don't care what you've been through because you, yourself constantly minimise it because you can't truly face it doesn't mean every single other person in this world won't care about it. I have friends who do. I have pulled myself through hell and I'm still here and I'm still creating a life I love, tiny step by tiny step that is my goal. Goddamit I was having a good day before I spoke to my mum and she told me I'd fucked up as a person, working in film which I massively enjoy is not the environment for me and I need to something else, I can't look after myself and working one day in a year thus far is pathetic (after quitting a minimum wage job I worked for 8 months ) so uh, it's not as if I've made no money this year wtf. But I get it, I am undercooked for a 27 year old. That is a product of emotional abuse, traumatic experiences, and CPTSD. Not an intentional thing I created for my life and my world and I will not let my mum blame me for things that were out of my control.

#god this got so long #also on set #no news is good new honestly #they didn't need to check on me because I was doing my job and doing it well #mostly #always comes down to self worth doesn't it

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finelinevogue · 2 years

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Hi! Hope you’re well. Do you think you’d ever write a high-school love story between Harry and reader? I think you’d write it so well💞

so i got an anon for this request and it ended up very quickly turning into a hefty blurb rather than a short blurb! also i’m british so harry’s just gonna be a really popular guy in school - since we don’t have frats! so enjoy!!

Mondays were just the worst.

Having to get up after a busy weekend and then go to school, I mean who invented such a stupid idea? Who invented Mondays?

This weekend you’d been extra busy moving houses and that was no easy job. One of your dads had recently got a new promotion in the area and his salary was going to increase by 25% if he decided to take the job. So he did. Garry was his name and his partner Bob. Both were humble men who simply had hearts so big they’d have enough love for everyone on the planet twice over. You were only 4 when you’d entered the adoption system, your parents abandoning you at such a young age. Luckily Garry and Bob were there to adopt you only two years later, although two years too long in care for you. You love your dads so much and you couldn’t ask for better parents.

Being in care has skewed your people skills quite a bit though. Those two years, even though you were still little and underdeveloped, were awful and you still have nightmares just thinking back on them. Now, you were shy and introverted. You kept books rather than friends and you hadn’t been sad to leave your old town, because there was no one there to leave behind - no doubt this town would be exactly the same. Your dads tried to coax you out of your shell from time to time, by inviting you out to a social event or festival, but you’d end up finding a last minute excuse. You liked your own company, but sometimes it did get quite lonely. Maybe you’d find a friend this year?

Well, you were about to find out.

You walked up the pathway to the front doors of the school, holding on for dear life to the straps of your backpack. Your parents were following you in tow, silently communicating with each other about their fears for you starting a new school mid-way through high-school. People stared as you walked past, beady eyes staring straight through you as if they’d quickly learn who you were and whether you were anyone important - that would be a hard no, in your opinion. You kept your head down and followed a sign that pointed the reception to be this way. You held the doors open for your parents and walked over to the office, an old woman sat behind the desk.

“Hello!” She spoke cheerily, smiling at you as if you’d just brought the sunshine. You smiled back, because she deserved one.

“Hi. I’m new here. My name’s Y/N L/N.” You told her, hoping that was enough conversation from you for her to do her job. You were too socially awkward and anxious to do anything more than that. Your hands were clammy as you spoke, your dads close behind you being the only thing making you feel somewhat safe.

“Y/N L/N?” You nodded when she asked, followed by her clicking away on her keyboard, “Lovely name!”

“Thanks.” You smiled again, no one ever having told you that before and quickly fell silent as she went back to the admin work on her computer.

“Okay, Y/N, and these men are…” She hesitated, not knowing who they actually were in relation to you.

“My dads.” You answered proudly, feeling Garry’s hand come to rest on your shoulder comfortingly.

“O-oh.” The lady made a sort of noise.

It was the normal reaction and it was one that you really wished people wouldn’t be so ignorant about. Yeah, two dads isn’t stereotypically “normal”, but then what even is “normal”? And fuck stereotypes anyways. You wished for once someone would be kind and accepting over the fact you had two dads instead of one, as at your last school you were made fun of because of such a thing. You loved your parents so much and wouldn’t change them for the world, not even for a mum or your old family.

“Any paperwork we need to sign or are we good to go?” Bob asked the lady, pulling her away from her fumbled expression.

“It seems it’s already done, so you’re good to leave whenever.” The lady smiles at them, but you can tell she’s too old and set in her ways to accept the idea of same-sex parenting. Great start to the new school and year. “And then Y/N, this is your timetable and a map of the school. Classes start at 9am. Registration is at 8:30am, so that’s in 15 minutes. You’ll be with Mrs George in room M3, which is just down the hallway. Any questions come back and see me okay?” She gave you a pack of information, before smiling and getting back to other work.

You turned and walked back outside with your dads, the rest of the student body now filing inside to go to their registrations. You didn’t want to miss that, so you had to make your goodbyes from your parents quick.

“We’ll pick you up after school okay? We might be slightly late, ‘cause we have an appointment at the bank but we shouldn’t be too late.” Garry explained, leaning forwards to give you a kiss on the forehead.

“You’ll be great kiddo. Go kick some ass.” Bob laughed, giving you your second kiss to the forehead. You laughed with him, but Garry made sure you understood not to take him so literally.

“I love you guys, see you later.” You blew them kisses goodbye and then walked back inside, keeping your head down as you studied the timetable you’d been given and tried to understand where the best routes were to get to your classes on time. Also, where was the library because that place was about to become your second home.

You walked down the corridor and stopped when you saw M3 signed on the door, taking a deep breathe before walking inside. The classroom was already full of students, 15 maybe? They were sat on desks and standing around each other in little groups, probably chatting about their summers to one another.

You noticed the cliques already. The goths sat in the middle of the room, dressed in blacks and also black with tattoos lathering some of their skins. They were playing cards and it looked like they were playing for a packet of chewing gum. The nerds sat right at the front of the room, basically dressed in smart suits and skirts, quizzing each other on various facts they learnt over the summer to complete as to who had the biggest brain. The there were the popular kids, known as jocks in other countries, who sat at the back of the classroom. They were the type of people you wanted to avoid, because they were the type of people who’d bring you down. You didn’t know where to fit in to all this.

You weren’t a nerd, that’s for sure, as you barely passed your summer exams last year. You weren’t a goth, because honestly blood, gore and horror movies genuinely terrify you. You definitely weren’t a popular kid and you had no intention of being on either. You were just the student who wore baggy dungarees and high-top converse, carried two fictional books in your bag at all times and hated the word moist. Where did that kind of person slot into high-school society?

“Oi, you,” you heard a voice shout from the back and you looked to see if they potentially had been calling to you, unfortunately, “yes, yeah you - girl with double dads.” Some of his friends around him snickered at the mere mention of you having two dads.

Great start.

You weren’t going to have this all over again this year, so you sat down in a chair sort of close to the front and ignored them.

“How were you even made, like? Are you a test-tube baby? Or is one of your dads like one of those woman-men?” You wanted to go over to them and punch them in the face for what they were saying, but you just had to keep you head down if you wanted to survive the year. You wanted to protect the respect for your parents though, they deserved that.

“Dude you can’t say that.” Another guy spoke out, shutting up the previous one.

“Maybe she was adopted?” A girls voice broke through the white-noise and you twitched in your seat at the memories of your time in care. These people were somewhat the same as the bullies all those years ago.

“Ohh, like no one wanted her kind of thing?” Another voice spoke up and you had to close your eyes to blink back the tears.

“Jonah, shut the fuck up man.” A different guy spoke. He had quite a nice, deep and calming voice.

“What? Don’t you think having two dads is kind of gay?” This Jonah asked and it made your fists curl into tight balls. God, you wanted to punch something so bad right now.

“Being gay isn’t a bad thing.” Someone else spoke, starting a whole other argument within the group and you were long forgotten.

Just as you wanted to be.

•••••

Lunch time and you were in your happy place; the library.

You had met the librarian and he seemed so lovely and kind, offering to help you find any book your wanted. You thanked him and went off in search of your favourite books. You collected a few and sat in the corner of a room, on a pile of beanbags. You got yourself comfortable as you opened the first page and got to reading the first page of your favourite book; “A Thousand Boy Kisses, by Tille Cole”.

Without giving anything away, the whole book is based on having 1000 kisses with boys - or just a boy - which you have no experience of. Unfortunately you have never been kissed in your life and were teased for it a lot. The problem is you’re too shy to actually make the first move, yet also too closed off when someone actually approaches you - not that anyone has ever approached you.

“Y’know, that’s exactly the kind of book I thought i’d find you reading.” A guy said, breaking you from your first page already.

Looking up at him though you didn’t regret him interrupting you, because he was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. He was tall, handsome, curly chocolate locks and green eyes that made you melt in the middle. He was so pretty…

“You okay babe?” A blonde girl walks up beside him and linked their arm in his.

… and taken.

“Just wanted to introduce myself to the new girl.” He pushed the girls arm off of him and held out his hand for you, leaning down slightly to try and make it easier for you to reach.

“Hi, i’m Harry.” You started to reach your hand out, but as soon as you did a couple of Harry’s friends came up behind him and pulled him back and taking his hand with him. You quickly put your hand back down as they started talking.

“Woah, bud! Don’t wanna go touching someone who’s got two dads now, just think of all the STD’s.” One of the guys laughed and you recognised his voice from this morning. What a prick. How dare he talk about people this way when he doesn’t even know them.

“Piss off James.” Harry shouted, causing more of a scene than he probably intended to do.

“No he’s right Harry. Don’t know what kinda of diseases they’re carrying around.” The blonde girl added, curling their arm back around Harry’s.

You’d heard enough.

Packing up your things quickly, you walked out of the library with just your rucksack and yourself. You hated that you let those kinds of people to get to you, but their words genuinely hurt and you didn’t have to stick around to let them wound you. You walked down the corridor with you held hung low, out the door and across the courtyard. There was still 20 minutes left of the lunch break, so you sat on a bench outside and away from anyone.

You just sat there and played with your fingers, thinking about how rubbish this first day already was and you’d barely even begun. A few tears dropped down your cheeks, the words of the morning stinging your heart like a needle into the skin, but you caught them quickly with your sweater paws you made and dried them before anyone would notice - not that anyone would notice. Interrupting your sad thoughts, a book was placed onto the bench and slid across to you.

‘A Thousand Boy Kisses.’

You looked across the bench to see Harry standing there looking sheepish. You sniffled as you tried to pull all your tears back inside of you, not wanting him to see the impact a few harsh words could do to you.

“Thought you might’ve wanted to carry on reading it.” He shrugged his shoulders, clearly seeing this as a way to earn forgiveness over his douchebag friends.

Harry technically hadn’t done anything wrong himself, apart from maybe be good friends with horrible people. You looked from him and back to the book, looking to see if there was some huge prank that was about to be pulled on you.

“Y’don’t talk much do you?”

“Would you like me to say thank you?” You asked, a slight bite to your tone that both you and Harry weren’t expecting.

“O-oh well—” Harry stuttered, clearly not expecting you to be so rude with your first words to him. It made you feel like a complete turd, because you were acting the exact way in which Harry’s friends had treated you before. Hypocrite.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.” You shook your head and blushed in embarrassment.

You hated confrontation and the thought that you’d just made Harry feel so uncomfortable. This was why you’d never had friends, because you were the most awkward and unsociable person ever. Standing up, you grabbed your bag again as if ready to leave. You didn’t want to spend longer in the presence of someone you’d just upset than you needed to.

“Hey, y’don’t need to leave.” Harry stopped you, stepping closer to the bench and reaching out his arm as if to touch you before dragging it back down to his side.

“I thought—”

“What?”

“Nevermind.”

You shook your head and sat back down, pulling out your lunchbox and setting it out in front of you. It was a box compiled of separate compartments so everything had its own home. There was your jam sandwiches with the crusts cut off, your carrot sticks with hummus and a yogurt that was supposed to help with digestion. You dipped one of your carrots into the hummus and took your first bite, a loud crunch breaking the silence only for you to remember that Harry was still there. You looked up at him to see him smiling at you.

“What?”

“Jam sandwiches?” He questioned, a clear tease in his voice.

“Yes?” You asked back, confused as to how that was a problem and if it was then why he was making it his problem?

“With the crusts cut off?”

“Harry, if you’re going to be mean about my sandwich then you can find somewhere else to sit for lunch instead of here.” You sighed, eating the rest of your carrot and swallowing it down with your water.

“See, what I just heard was an invitation for me to sit with you?” He replied cheekily, catching you off guard and being forced to look at his face to see the tease written all over it. Oh, he was good at this.

“Depends.”

“On what?” He asked eagerly. Almost too eagerly.

“What your sandwich is filled with.” You smiled as you watched him stroke the back of his head in panic, stressed over the fact that his sandwich was now the only thing standing in between having lunch with you or going back to his douchebag friends instead. Luckily for him, you were just more intrigued and making fun of him rather than actually being that picky as to whether he could sit down or not.

“Um, pretty sure it’s a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel. It’s like the only thing m’mum knows how to make.” He laughed a bit at the end, but looked towards you in hope that it was enough for a free pass at the table bench.

You nodded your head for him to sit down and you’d never seen someone look so giddy because of it. He dropped his bag next to him and pulled out his sandwich, which was just wrapped in tin foil compared to your plastic lunchbox contraption. He also took out a packet of crisps, a bag of chocolates and a can of lemonade.

“It’s looking a little fruit-bare over there.” You said, noticing how there was nothing healthy packed in his lunch and wondering how he was built so well - not that you’d been gawking at how defined his muscles were or anything.

“It’s looking a little fun-deprived over there.” Harry replied, with a mouthful of food as boys do.

“Criticise my lunch one more time and you’ll be removed from the table.” You threatened, obviously with no intent of following through with your plans.

“Y’know I preferred it when y’didn’t talk as much actually.” Harry responded and your heart dropped, thinking that you’d just screwed up potentially the one shot that you’d had at a potential friendship.

“Oh i’m s-sor—” You became flustered, putting down your sandwich to wave your hands in hate for yourself for being so dismissive already.

“Hey, stop, you’re all good!” Harry chuckled lightly, watching as you blushed when you realised you’d just been overreacting.

“I was just messing.”

“Sorry, i’m just really nervous.” You admitted, stroking a hand through your hair nervously. Harry put his bagel down so he could give you his undivided attention.

“Why?”

“Never had a friend before and I don’t want to screw this up before we even get there.” The smile you gave was small. Small enough for Harry to detect a heap load of insecurities and sadness behind it, something he already wanted to protect you from and hug away from you.

“Can assure you you’re already my friend.” Harry warmly smiled at you, lighting a small matchstick in your heart that heated your insides just the little bit that it needed.

“Y’don’t even know my name, Harry.” You gave him a condescending look, but he remained the same cheery self.

“Doesn’t matter. Still m’friend.” He shrugged, taking a sip from his drink before continuing, “besides, i’ll just call you ‘love’ or ‘tbk’ instead.”

“Tbk?” You asked, clearly missing something.

“Thousand boy kisses.”

“You’re going to name me after the title of a book?”

“Well it was the book that is even the reason we’re having lunch together right now.”

“Don’t think it is.” You replied, laughing when Harry gave you an offended look.

“Right, well, just shut up.” He scoffed and then shut up himself. Harry went back to eating his bagel and you back to eating your perfect jam sandwich.

The silence wasn’t awkward. In fact, it was quite to just sit in someones presence and not feel obliged to talk to them. You enjoyed his company and it helped that he made you feel all warm inside. You thought over your conversation this lunch and loved every moment of it, never having felt so happy in a long time. You were thankful for Harry for that, forgiving him for being with such douchey friends.

“Y/N.” You spoke, after finishing your sandwiches and making Harry look up at you as he too finished his bagel.

“Sorry?”

“Y/N, my name. Apparently my mum chose it because it sounded cool to say. That’s what i’ve been told anyways.” You shrugged your shoulders and then going quiet as you thought on your past.

You hated when you’re mine travelled into the past, because it made you feel so lonely and even worse - alone. Harry’s hand came into your vision, from where you were looking down at the table, and he was holding the packet of chocolates out for you.

“Take them. M’mum always tells me that chocolate can cure a girls broken heart.” He smiled warmly and you understood that he knew you were upset, but wasn’t going to press in what was wrong until you were ready. For that, for him, you were very grateful.

“But what about m’carrots?” You asked, making Harry belly laugh and hand the chocolates into your hand.

“Screw y’carrots!” That might’ve been the first time you’d belly laughed in a very long time.

[this is just the start… send requests for anything high-school y/n and harry related]

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #finelinevogue #harry blurb #finelinevogue harry styles #harry oneshot #harry styles concept #kiss me in the dark #finelinevogue blurbs #ask finelinevogue #fic rec harry styles #harry styles high school lovers #highschool harry styles #harry styles friends to lovers #frat boy harry #harry styles fluff

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oddaodd · 3 years

Text

· I Don't Go In For Sweets ·

Request: by a lovely anon "set after the events of season 3. Tommy can't handle the company, he's still grieving and he has to be there for Charlie so Polly tells him she knows a girl from a good family to get married He ends up agreeing (aunt Pol can be very persuasive) but even though he's married, this new girl isn't considered as a wife. He doesn't really make any effort but his "wife" understands, he's a widowed father who lost his first wife only a year ago. However since they are...in this, she wants to make her time as enjoyable as possible for the both of them and for Charlie too. But no matter what Tommy makes it a point of honor to not let her in, to not let her replace Grace so he ignores her, he works more, tries to spend as little as possible in the house. Reader stays patient, it will be alright and Charlie is making her quite busy anyway. One night, Tommy comes home completely drunk and maybe a bit high too, he can't even make it to his office. Thankfully Reader is still awake, she takes care of him and Tommy just...melts at how gentle Reader is, he may be able to keep his distant while sober but it's much harder in his state. He admits to her how he's been feeling and all. Ever since that night, something changed, Tommy feels some comfort, some solace being around her, she accepts him wholly, even his flaws, the bad side of his business and she tries to provide some sort of safe place for when it gets too hard." (I edited the request because it was very long, but I kept all essential parts in there)

Author’s note: I loved loved loved writing this and it ended up being SUPER long, but I’m very happy with how it turned out. As always, I hope you like it and have the loveliest of days!

Warnings: season 3 SPOILERS sort of, but not really, still read at your own risk. Arranged marriage, mentions of alcohol and drugs, angst.

“Thomas, you may not be able to see it, but you’re breaking apart” Polly spoke with a sigh as she lit a cigarette after everyone was dismissed from a family meeting.

Everyone had left Tommy’s office in arrow house rather gaily after receiving their fair compensations for partaking in the whole Russian ordeal, all except Polly, who remained where she sat, wishing for a word with her nephew

Tommy merely scoffed at her concern before lighting his own cigarette and taking a puff “I’ll be alright”

“And Charlie?” Pol pressed knowing Tommy’s mourning was not only affecting him, but Charlie as well. “What about him?”

“He’s fine” He said before turning around to look through the window, ignoring his Aunt’s heavy stare.

“You take too much after your mother” she sighed half angry half sad “she too loved pretending everything was alright and I don’t need to remind you where that lead her”

Tommy sighed deeply, he knew he could fool anyone. Anyone but Polly. “We’ll manage”

“Consider my offer” Polly said standing up and making her way to the door “Y/n is a good girl from a good family” she persuaded before leaving the room.

Tommy sighed at his Aunt’s words, he wasn’t ready to get married again even when he knew the woman he would be marrying was a nice one. He felt like he was spitting on Grace’s grave and he hated himself for even considering the prospect, but he knew a mother figure would be good for Charlie.

He spent the rest of the day pondering about Polly’s suggestion and remembering his own childhood in the shadow of the absent tortured presence that his mother had been. It didn’t take him long to decide he didn’t want that for Charlie, so that same night he phoned Polly.

“I’ll do it” was all he said before hanging up. There was no need for more words, Polly would know exactly what he meant.

Exactly a week later, Tom was standing in the altar of a church that was significantly smaller than the one from his first wedding. The fact that everything about this wedding was so obscenely different from his first did soothe his guilt a bit. And as he stood there he couldn’t keep his mind from traveling to the days leading up to his wedding to Grace. She had made sure everything was perfect and had made an effort to invite every single relative she could think of. She remembered her rambling on an on about fabrics, insisting that everything ought to be perfect when he in all honestly couldn’t care less, he just wanted to marry her.

All his thoughts vanished away with a poof when Y/n came into sight. And what a sight she was. She had insisted on doing her own makeup and on pinning flowers to her hair to compliment her headpiece and her elegant, yet simple white dress flowed almost mystically as her father gave her away. She had never imagined she would be marrying someone she didn’t know, but she wanted to look her best for getting married is not something people do everyday.

When she stood in the altar, she offered her to be husband a smile which he did not return, instead turning his attention to the priest before them. She mirrored his actions, her heart beating violently under her chest as the priest began speaking.

It all felt like a blur, she could swear it had only been a second since her father had given her away and yet, the priest had already uttered the dreaded “you may now kiss the bride”

Tommy barely brushed his lips against hers and soon the sound of everyone clapping invaded her ears. They had a small party afterwards in Y/n’s former house. Her parents had invited pretty much all of their acquaintances while tommy had only invited his close relatives.

When night fell Tommy was more than ready to leave “Are you ready to go?” was one of the few sentences he uttered to his now wife that night.

She again offered him a smile before saying “yeah just let me say goodbye”

The drive to arrow house was tense, although Y/n didn’t know Thomas very well she would tell he was unhappy. She wondered about what to say to him, but couldn’t come up with anything good enough and soon enough they were pulling over in front of Tommy’s stately home.

“Charlie must already be asleep, but I'll introduce you tomorrow” he said opening Y/n’s door for her.

“It’s alright” she said looking at him, not quite knowing what to do next.

“Your parents sent some of your belongings, I've already asked the maids to take them up to your-our room” he said

“Thank you, Thomas” she smiled as she walked into the big house not yet feeling close enough to him to call him Tommy.

His name falling from her lips caused an echo of bittersweet emotions to stir inside him but he masked it perfectly well as she introduced Y/n to the maids that went to the door to take their coats.

“Frances here will show you the way to the room” he said after having made introductions.

“This way, Mrs” Frances politely said.

Y/n began following her but stopped when she didn’t hear Tommy’s footsteps behind her own.

“Are you not coming?” she asked turning to look at him.

“Maybe in a bit” was all he said before he walked away down one of the many spacious hallways of the house.

After Y/n made herself comfortable in the room and changed into her nightgown she took the time to peek around the room like one always does when one is a strange place. After familiarizing herself with it she laid down in the big bed. She was nervous, she knew what happened on wedding nights. A small chuckle stopped at her lips when she recalled the stories her close already married girlfriends told her. If she hadn’t married a complete stranger she too would be looking forward to it.

Her thoughts ended up luring her to sleep after a while despite her nerves and the night went by in a ridiculously fast flash. The next morning she woke up alone and after getting ready she made her way downstairs. Tommy and Charlie were already in the dining room when she entered it.

“good morning” she said

Charlie immediately turned his attention to her, his eyes widening while his dad merely glanced at her while he muttered a “Good morning “ of his own.

Y/n sat down next to Tommy while he cleared his throat “charles, this is Y/n. We got married yesterday so she’ll be living with us from now on”

Charlie merely nodded in understanding before playing around with his food.

A tense air flooded breakfast until Tommy stood up, having barely touched his food and spoke turning to look at Y/n “I have to go now, if you need anything feel free to ask Frances”

“Alright” Y/n replied feeling a bit disappointed, she would love to get to know him, but she already knew it was going to be difficult.

“I have to go too” Charlie announced in a timid voice, interrupting Y/n’s thoughts. Despite her disappointment she understood, maybe he was just shy and his dad just reticent. They had lost a wife and a mother after all.

The first few days after that, Charlie avoided her nearly as much as his father did and Y/n remained in lonely patience until one night Charlie’s cries interrupted her focus on the book that she had just bought. She rushed to his room and called out his name as she entered not knowing if the boy would be comfortable with her or not.

“What is it?” she asked worried as she knelt by his bed.

“I miss my mum” the boy confessed looking at her with teary eyes as he clutched his blanket.

Y/n felt her heart give a small ache at his confession and in an attempt to comfort him she spoke “She’s not really gone, you know?”

“She’s dead” the boy sobbed.

“but people who die, don’t leave us. Not really anyhow” she said hesitantly rubbing his arm. “just because we cant see them doesn’t mean they are not here”

“I miss seeing her” he continued.

“Oh but you can still see her”

“how”

“before you go to bed just think about her, then she’ll visit you in your dreams” Y/n spoke as if she was telling a fairy tale.

“really?” the boy’s eyes widened.

“really” Y/n confirmed “But you have to think really really hard”

“I’ll try” Charlie said having calmed down a bit.

“very well” Y/n said as she stood up, but Charlie’s voice stopped her.

“can you stay till I fall asleep?”

After that night, Charlie hardly left Y/n’s side and she felt much better with his company for she was sure if he wasn’t there keeping her on her toes all day she would fall into a depressive chasm induced by her husband’s absence.

On the rare moments he was home she tried to strike up conversation with him over breakfast or late at night when he came home and she was burdened by insomnia. But Tommy only humored her with a few short responses before excusing himself or turning to face the other side of the bed.

It wasn’t only the fact that he avoided her as much as he could, but he also made it a priority to exclude her at all times. She was never invited into family meetings or night’s at The Garrison so she thought it was a miracle when tommy didn’t oppose to her planning Charlie’s birthday party.

She invited only Tommy’s family which instantly warmed up to her, noticing what a good influence she was and Polly wanted to slap Thomas for the way he had been acting throughout his marriage to Y/n. Almost feeling guilty for getting her into this mess.

When the party ended Tommy shut himself in his office like he often did when he was at home and though he had never given Y/n a reason to believe she was welcome in there of all places, she found herself allowing herself in after putting Charlie to bed.

Tommy looked up as she entered and let out a sigh before turning his attention back to some papers he had been reading.

“I noticed you didn’t have any” she commented not letting his sigh deflate her as she laid a plate with a slice of homemade chocolate cake on his desk. “it’s really good if I may say so myself” she mused sitting down in a chair opposite to his as she dug in with a fork in her own slice.

“I don’t go in for sweets” he stated.

“Not even chocolate?” Y/n tried, but tommy didn’t answer, instead he just shook his head.

“I still think you should try it, it’s not overly sweet, and…”

“is there anything you need?” he interrupted bluntly a bit harsher than he would’ve liked.

His tone caught her off guard and when she couldn’t come up with an answer tommy again turned his attention back to his papers.

“I wish you could let me in” She softly confessed after a few tense seconds.

“Well I wish we hadn’t married but I guess things don’t always go the way we want them to go”

Tommy knew he had crossed a line by the silence that again settled into the room. He looked up at Y/n with her parted lips and misty eyes. They exchanged glances for a second but instead of allowing him to see her like that any longer, she stood up setting her plate on his desk and walked away, only allowing a few tears to drop by when she was out of the room and his sight.

After that she stopped trying to get closer to him. He still loved his late wife and she understood, people in grief never mean what they say after all, but his words stung nonetheless.

She stopped trying to wait for him at night to see if he had gotten home alright and during breakfast she only uttered polite good mornings.

One night however, Y/n was yanked out of a peaceful sleep by a loud crash. She was on her feet in no time and after checking into Charlie’s room to see if he was alright she cautiously ventured downstairs. A few incoherent mumbles filled her ears before her husband came into sight, fumbling with his coat to get it off.

“need help?” she asked earning his attention.

“I’m fine” he said finally taking it off but as he went to take a step to begin walking the floor under him moved and he lost his balance, his knees crashing loudly against the wooden floor.

Y/n offered him a hand and helped him up. He smelled of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands were shaky, consequence of the snow, no doubt. “let’s get you upstairs”

“I can do it on me own” he slurred letting go of her hand.

“stop being so stubborn” she derided, snaking one of her arms around his waist as she helped him upstairs.

Y/n helped him into bed, tookoff his shoes and went to the bathroom to fetch a small towel and some cold water.

She dampened the towel with the cold water before dabing it gently on Tommy’s forehead. His eyes never leaving her face as she did so, making her grow a bit nervous. She continued, trying her best to ignore it until she felt his hand softly caressing her cheek.

“You are beautiful” he rasped.

“Stop it, Thomas” she said feeling her cheeks grow red when she felt a bit sad that he had to be completely drunk to compliment her.

Even in his drunken state he seemed to notice he was making her uncomfortable so he held his tongue until Y/n laid in bed next to him after turning on the lights.

“I’m sorry” he interrupted the silence “For the way I’ve been acting” the whiskey and cocaine making him more vulnerable and open “I guess I was afraid that if I let you in then she would disappear”

He didn’t expect her to answer, but then her voice came in a soft exhausted tone“ I don’t intend to replace her. You don’t need to act all defensive and secretive. Even if it’s not what you wanted, we are married.”

“I Know” was all he said.

Y/n expected him to withdraw more from her after showing himself that vulnerable to her that night but she was wrong. He began arriving home earlier, sometimes even asking if he could come along on the walks she and Charlie so much adored going on. And Y/n finally felt her marriage was going somewhere maybe it wasn’t based on love yet, but it was something.

One day she was at the stables while Charlie was taking a nap. She had always adored horses.

“I didn’t know you liked horses” came Tommy’s smooth voice causing her to jump.

“You never asked” she smiled petting a black horse as he walked closer to her.

“We could go out for a ride, I’m sure Charlie wouldn’t mind letting you borrow his horse” Tommy offered as he too began to pet the horse, his fingers brushing against Y/n’s for a brief second.

“I’d love to, but I am afraid I don’t know how to ride, Tommy” she said, panicking for a second after having called him that. But she rested assured as soon as he spoke again.

“Well that can be fixed” he said opening the door of the stall and guiding the horse outside.

“You mean now?” Y/n asked with a laugh.

“Got something better to do?” he asked walking out of the stable with the horse. Y/n observed tommy as he prepared the horse. She had never seen him so gentle and calm before and she only realized she had been staring when Tommy directed his attention to her to ask her if she was ready.

“I think so” she said going to stand next to the horse wondering how the hell to climb up. But before she had any more time to think she felt Tommy’s hands on her waist giving her a push that allowed her to pull herself up on the animal. It was a good thing she had chosen to wear slacks that day, she thought.

“Goodness this is high” she said nervously looking down at Tommy when he began guiding the horse to move in a slow walk.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall” he promised repressing a mirthful tone at her nervousness.

He guided the horse with her around the property in the crisp evening air and Y/n allowed herself to relax with every step the horse took. Tommy’s presence made her feel safe and protected and she found it increasingly harder to look away from his figure. She wondered if he could feel her eyes on him.

When the sky began turning soft shades of purple and orange the pair returned to the stables. When the time came from Y/n to come down from the horse, tommy helped her again. Y/n began to love the feeling of him touching her and when her feet touched the ground in front of Thomas, he didn’t remove his hands from her waist right away and instead fixed his blue eyes on her, not wanting to stop looking at her.

She too fixed her eyes on Tommy as she felt a silent gasp in the base of her throat. That was the way she would’ve liked him to look at her on their wedding day. Tommy then leaned in, almost as if he were asking for permission before he tenderly pressed his lips to Y/n’s.

@captivatedbycillianmurphy @peakyxtommy @nyotamalfoy @writeroutoftime @babylooneytoonz @slytherinicequeen @lilymurphy03

#tommy shelby request #tommy shelby #tommy shelby angst #tommy shelby fluff #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby one shot #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby request #thomas shelby one shot #thomas shelby fluff #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby angst #peaky blinders angst #peaky blinders request #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders one shot #peaky blinder one shot #peaky blinder imagine

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mono-dot-jpeg · 3 years

Text

the antarctic idiots [pt.1] - c! technoblade

summary; in which two anarchist piglins adopt an ender boy.

genre; child! ranboo, piglin hybrid! reader, slight canon divergence from dream smp, fluff, found family au is my shit, reader is now ranboo’s parent i don’t make the rules, techno is a grumpy father but it’s okay you love him, realistic minecraft? (idk how to describe it-)

pairing; c! technoblade x reader, platonic! ranboo x reader

word count; 1.5k

a/n; fuck it, it is here now. here’s the techno x reader you fucking simps. i can’t even be mad bc i too am a simp for the anarchist pig that is technoblade.

i hope this is somewhat up to par with everyone’s expectations since i hyped this up so much. this is one of the few writings that i actually like so- i couldn’t resist waiting so long to post it AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

next >

now you never really expected to find yourself on a side of history that was deemed "the villain's side", especially when the villain wasn't even that bad.

okay, that's a bit of a lie. this piglin man blew up an entire country to end government. plus he has evaded his taxes. i mean the list goes on but that's not the entire point here.

the point is, you found yourself actually being friends (even going as far as housemates) with the so-called evil anarchist.

now we might be moving too fast here, so let's move it back a little bit.

"so you want me to join pogtopia?" you looked up, shutting the book in your hand as you leaned back on your chair. "and what would i get in return exactly?"

"...our friendship won't die?" the voice of wilbur soot rings in your quiet home, unsure and nervous at your stern aura and words.

"why can't you just help us?!" tommy flared up, nearly throwing a fit if not for his older brother holding him back.

"just because i am your friend, does not mean i am interested in fighting for your conflicts." you place the book on the small side table, adjusting your gloves while you explain yourself to the two boys, "i'm not saying i'm a pacifist, but i'm not here to fight. i live far away for a reason. i told you this before."

"can i call in that favor then?" wilbur asked. "you still owe me one." you huffed at his words. you saw this coming.

"you're lucky i'm a nice person most of the time." you sighed, standing up and nearly towering over the two boys if not for wilbur being a bit taller than you. "i will get my stuff packed, and then we can get to your pogtopia. but while i do that, please explain the whole situation." since you lived so far away from society, you didn't know too much about what was happening unless wilbur told you about it and wilbur never really talked to you too often.

"well, you know how we had l'manburg.." and then he starts to explain how that completely backfired on them because they lost the election and now they lost their country. "and now we want to fight back for l'manburg." wilbur finishes explaining as you put your old netherite sword in its sheath that hung on your waist. "we just need your help. are you willing to train us?"

"it's not like i have much of a choice since you're cashing in that favor." you pointed out. "i better not be staying for too long."

"i can't make any promises about that." you sighed. "you ready?"

"unfortunately." it was time to leave your home and face violence once again.

"if it makes you feel any better, you're not the only person we've asked to help us." tommy says in an attempt to get you out of your bitter mood.

"that made me feel worse, tommy. i think you guys would've been fine without me if you have another person helping you other than tubbo." you slung your bag over your shoulder. "but if you really insist on getting the help of me, then who am i to judge?"

"since it seems like you're ready now, let's go to pogtopia!" tommy said, ignoring most of your words of complaints as he starts to drag you by the arm towards the dream smp. "it's quite the walk from here. why do you live so far from everyone? don't you get lonely? why didn't you join l'manburg with me and will?"

"slow down with the questions, tommy. first of all, i've told you and wilbur why i live far away, you did not listen though." you pressed a finger on his forehead, earning a huff of annoyance from the blonde. you moved your hand back to your side. "i simply do not like people. also why get pulled into conflict that you never were apart of to begin with? but that's pretty hypocritical of me to say now."

"i get that you're not fond of people, but aren't you lonely out here?" you three walked into the portal that would take you right into the nether. the sounds of bubbling lava and squealing pigmen was always an oddly comforting sound to hear.

"i'm perfectly content in my house. even if it's very far from others. i'm happy." you answered though your words sounded so... monotonous. tommy gave you a look, he definitely didn't believe you. "i know i don't sound happy but i am." before you knew it, you made it to the other nether portal which would actually take you to the manburg and pogtopia. oh how you didn't miss this place at all.

you never liked how manburg was ran even before shlatt was elected. you never really like government in general. it always seemed to be ruining everything. freedom never felt like freedom, at least that's what you thought especially when there was a goverment.

"welcome to pogtopia!" you were so deep in your own thoughts that you hadn't realized that you had made it to pogtopia.

"so where is your other helper? the first choice that wasn't me?" you asked.

"i think he might be here. he's been staying up for a long time. ever since he got in here." wilbur said. "technoblade? you here?" wilbur leads you to a potato farm and you soon feel a sense of familiarity as you enter the room.

"yeah." a low huff is heard, causing you and wilbur to turn your heads toward the source of the sound. "i'm here." what immediately catches your attention is the crown messily placed on his head as he farms. as a piglin, you've always been fond of gold, that adoration never left you once you went to the overworld. you never really wore a crown but you wore a gold pendant instead that was pinned to your cape.

"you have a really pretty crown." it takes you a minute to realize that those words came out of your mouth. "fuck, i didn't mean to say that out loud." you explained quickly to the male that was farming. "piglin things." you muttered.

"a very unexpected compliment. understandable." techno said. "wilbur, who is this again? have i met them?"

"well, you'd think you know each other since you're both piglins, but i guess the world is bigger than i thought. well, technoblade, meet y/n, y/n, meet technoblade."

"i call him the blade." tommy said smugly. "the blade! how's the potato planting doing?"

"it's doing fine. i didn't expect any company to come though."

"well, this is the person that we wanted to recruit for pogtopia."

"nice to meet you, even if the circumstances aren't the best. wilbur is lucky i owe him a favor." you said. "i sort of expected meeting you since tommy and wilbur mentioned you once they came to get me. i just never expected to see another piglin here in the overworld."

"never expected to see another piglin here either." techno hummed slightly.

maybe staying in pogtopia won't be too bad. at least you made a friend?

that was sort of a lie. you and techno never really talked after the encounter. it never worried you, you’re not one for conversation right now anyways. you had a mission to do and you’re gonna do it. you didn’t have time to make friends, at least that’s what you thought. friends seemed to be temporary in the smp, considering the wars that were and have happened.

you weren’t going to make another friend, knowing that you just might get pulled into their fights.

“why did you stop fighting once you left l’manburg?” wilbur’s voice rings in the small fighting pit that was made for training.

“i simply didn’t find the need to fight. it doesn’t mean i’m any weaker though. i will still fight for what i want to fight for.” and that’s gonna be really ending this whole government. you think to yourself, letting the nighttime ambience fill the air.

“you still have your lives...right?” you show him your wrist which had 3 hearts tattooed on it.

“i’ve been living away from everyone, of course i won’t die that easily.” you let out an empty laugh. “bold of you to assume i would even die.”

“i know it’s ridiculous to even think that you would lose a life after you left l’manburg but what if dream were to chase you down and kill you?”

“i understand your worry, but need not to worry, i can handle myself. if i couldn’t you guys would never even assign me as cavalry captain those years ago.” you said, unbuttoning your gold pendant to place it on the stone cold floor along with your other accessories you had. “it’s not like dream can do too much to me. we made a deal after all.”

“a deal?” wilbur raised an eyebrow as he took off his jacket, tossing it on the ground.

“don’t be too concerned. i’m not like eret. i wouldn’t betray you.”

taglist; @justahostaccount, @olyink, @aikochan4859, @classycookiebailiffstudent, @hubblie, @stickk-bugg, @goldensunshineshit, @sadlyitsme-boohoo, @jace-the-ace12, @2cuteforyourlies, @lvlyjuro

[if you want to be added, send in an ask!]

#technoblade x reader #techno mcyt #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt+x+reader #mcyt x reader #dream smp x reader #dream smp #c!techno #sbi family dynamic #sbi x reader #ranboo #ranboo x reader #dream smp ranboo #dream smp ranboo x reader #antarctic idiots

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hansolmates · 3 years

Text

me time (m)

summary; the first time virgin!mc meets her mans (but she doesn’t know it yet) pairing; jungkook x virgin!mc genre/warnings; fluff, college!au, boarding house!au, based on the virgin!oc discourse, female masturbation (thanks to the pretty bridgertons), a lil sad and longing at the end w/c; 1.3k a/n; y’all really brought manhater!mc and virgin!mc to life! this couldn’t be done without all of your fabulous input and support. obviously the virginverse is freeform at this point—think of this more as a prequel for these two. set in freshman year of college, when they’re just acquaintances. (do you guys think of cher from clueless when u think virgin!mc? very outgoing n’cute but also very innocent?) anyway, happy valentine’s day i hope you and your boo (whether digital or in-person) get your me/we time💖

Your wooden lap desk is toppled to the side. Good thing the space between the mattress and floor is small, your pink monstera-shaped rug softening the blow when your water bottle, pencils and laptop fall to the floor. In the back of your head you know everything is fine because the last episode of Bridgerton is still playing, an orchestral version of Ariana Grande’s Thank U, Next continuing on as if nothing’s astray.

Yet you’re nothing but astray, forgotten about the episode and writhing against your too-small twin as you let yourself cum for the umpeeth time.

You’ve lost track at this point (how couldn't you? Bridgerton is hot) but from the way your hair mats to your face like a second skin and your pussy feels spent and battered, it’s been awhile. This should be your new Valentine’s Day tradition, fucking yourself until you pass out on your vibrator.

“Ah, ah fu—uck, yyyes!”

The sheets are sopping. The grey cotton fabric does nothing to hide your juices that seep from your bare cunt to the mattress. Flinging your silicone toy to the side, you pull your hair up and out of your face.

Water, you need water. Maybe a cup of green tea with a dollop of honey. Sugar always helps the immediate low after a good couple of rounds.

However, you’ll never get used to the feeling of cleaning up yourself. The feeling that you’ve done something completely lewd all on your own, no one to assure you the things you’re doing are weird. It’s okay though. You love to be alone, it takes a lot for you to feel lonely.

You slip on a pair of dolphin-cut shorts, too tiny that they are drowned beneath your emerald green slip dress. Quickly opening the door to your room, you’re met with absolute silence. White walls containing empty rooms and a living room without a soul. Just like you’re expecting in a college boardhouse on Valentine’s Day.

What you’re not expecting however, is Jeon Jungkook staring at you the second you crack your door open.

“If you’re screaming that loud, your partner must be doing a good job.”

Jungkook lives on the other side of the boarding house, therefore you’ve never really interacted with him. Excluding the landlord there’s only five other tenants, a group large enough that you’ve never had to have one-on-one with him.

You really didn’t think anyone would be in the house on Valentine’s, especially Jungkook. He’s an absolute cutie pie, even though you don’t know anything about him. The only thing you really know is that his sparkly brown eyes are to die for, they remind you of coffee milk tea, a craving you only indulge in at the end of finals season.

To your surprise, Jungkook looks like he hasn’t gone out all weekend. Him, single? As if! Yet you can’t justify any reasoning behind him being home if did have a girlfriend or boyfriend. His dark hair is fluffy and freshly showered, and you can’t ignore the smell of linens from his soft sweats and long navy hoodie.

Normally, you’d be quiet during Me Time. You’ve perfected the art, stuffing your mouth with your pillow or playing action movies to muffle out the sound. You thought you were in the clear. The thought of Jungkook overhearing you turns you on a little, makes the dampness between your panties even more evident, but you keep that self-indulgent secret to yourself.

“Oh, well,” you curl your lips in a smirk, closing the door behind you so he doesn’t see that your room is actually very much devoid of life, “she’s very powerful.”

She, meaning your favorite vibrator in your entire world. It has ten settings and a heating mechanism. More importantly, it’s rechargeable. You don’t know how you’d survive freshman year otherwise.

“Okay, TMI,” despite the fact Jungkook’s blushing he’s chuckling, holding a hand out for you in the narrow hallway, “after you.”

You quickly slip past him, walking into the shared kitchenette. Bare feet slapping against the hardwood, your eyes immediately gravitate toward the upper cabinet. Jungkook is following you, presumably to get his own late night snack. When you lift your arms to reach your mug, you feel a little bit of cool air brush against the uppers of your thighs. It’s a nightgown, a pretty satin slip that falls over your curves and leaves much to the imagination. A couple more centimeters to get your mug and you’ll be definitely flashing Jungkook.

“Um,” you practically hear the twisted face he’s making.

“Sorry—I’m sorry!” you blurt, waving your fingers to catch the handle of your mug, “I’m really not trying to flash you—please don’t fill a harassment report! I just can’t reach my mug.”

“No, that’s my mug.”

“What, no! I’ve been drinking from this mug all year!”

“You’ve been drinking from my mug?” Jungkook is affronted, walking past you to easily grab the mug you’ve been struggling to reach for the past minute. He flexes the bottom part of the mug in your face, where his initials are painted in black. “This is my mug, my parents put my handprint on it when I was a year old.”

It’s then you notice on the lower shelf, there’s an identical mug. This mug has been buried all the way in the back, dust collecting on the rim. It also has a baby handprint on it, although upon closer inspection it’s smaller and in a more faded shade of black. That’s your mug.

“Oh, Jungkook,” you feel your heart fall all the way to your ass, feeling guilty, “I’m so sorry. I’ve washed it and everything, if it makes you feel any better.”

He frowns, holding the white porcelain between his hands. A litany of ideas run through your brain. Is he disgusted by using the same mug as you? Have you potentially ruined a prized family treasure?

Thrusting the mug into your chest he says, “Make me a hot chocolate and we’re even.”

You smile a little, eager to please. You quickly get to work, simmering the pan with warm milk and melting chopped chocolate. You rinse your mug with some hot water, letting it sit next to his awaiting mug. For a bit of flair you add a capful of vanilla extract, all while Jungkook watches you with mild awe. The smell of sweet late night confections fill the kitchen, a fitting theme for a Valentine’s night.

“You’re not burning the milk,” Jungkook murmurs more to himself than you, watching as you pour the hot chocolate in cups without spilling a drop.

Jungkook is known to burn things in the house. The only thing he doesn’t burn is ramen, and that’s purely due to survival skills.

“What can I say, I’m an expert,” you wink, handing him his mug and you holding yours.

With matching mugs, the two of you take your first sips of the melty beverage. You lean against the stove facing him, while he faces you against the marble island. Jungkook smiles and a bit of cocoa touches his petal pink lips. He says it’s perfect and you smile into your cup, absolutely swelling with pride.

Jungkook’s probably working on his photos. He always says his editing bug is itchy at night. While in passing you’ve said you’d love to see his work, however that gesture of kindness never really amounted to anything. Maybe tonight’s the night. You like art, you’d love to be a little more educated with it. Just as you’re about to ask and strike up some conversation, Jungkook beats you to it.

“Well, hope you and your partner have a good Valentine’s,” Jungkook holds his cup in salute, walking back into his room, “just keep it down.”

Oh well. You sigh to yourself, letting Jungkook walk away without a fight or a retort. After all, it was you who implied you were sneaking in a bed partner tonight. Sinking your eyes into the brown liquid, you fall into a lull. The creamy liquid swirls in your grasp, making your muddied reflection ripple away.

You love to be alone, but it takes someone like Jeon Jungkook to remind you that life gets a little lonely.

#ficswithluv #kwritersworldnet #btsghostie #btsguild #btswritingcafe #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook fic #bts fic #bts fluff #bts smut

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redrobin-detective · 3 years

Text

handknit sweater, never worn

How did Valerie end up in these kinds of situations? Of course there had to be a large scale ghost attack at her school. Val had gotten rid of most of the ghosts, weak mindless things when part of the auditorium collapsed, trapping her inside. Normally she’d blast her way out but the old building was creaking ominously from who know how many fights. Her rockets might collapse the whole south side of the school, meaning she was stuck here while the Fentons cleaned up the rest of the small fry. And to make matters worse, Danny’s dad had had the brilliant idea to put up a portable ghost shield around parts of the school to contain the ghosts. Meaning Phantom and the spooky vampire ghost were stuck with her too.

“Ugh this sucks,” Phantom whined, leaning petulantly against the ghost shield. His arms were crossed and his eyes lidded with annoyance, he almost could have passed for a normal, annoyed high schooler if you ignored his unnatural glow. “They really increased the power on these shields, I hope they’re okay out there by themselves. I think most of the students were evacuated already.” He glanced subtlety over at her which only increased her irritation. It was so aggravating he knew everything about her while she knew nothing about him.

“Madeline’s handiwork no doubt,” The vampire guy, Plasmius, commented flippantly. “I don’t believe Jack could assemble a sandwich without her assistance.” Phantom bristled a bit at the comment but just turned to glare at empty air. While she’d once mistaken them for friends, it was clear there was serious bad blood between Plasmius and Phantom.

“What are you even doing here, Plasmius?” Phantom hissed, crossing his arms closer to his chest in aggravation. “I’ve told you a million times to stay out of Amity.”

“Or you’ll do what, dear boy?” Plasmius grinned, flashing his fangs, like Phantom had told a particularly funny joke. Val privately considered the ghost boy to be one of the strongest ghosts she’d ever fought so if this guy was treating him like an annoying fly... Valerie kept her weapons up just in case but otherwise stayed away from the two volatile ghosts. She could take them down if she had to but there might be collateral. Right, that’s what she was going to go with.

“Actually,” Plasmius said, his cruel red eyes twinkling with smug glee. “I popped into town to check in on some of my old college friends. See what they’d been up to while I’d been busy with my various projects.”

Phantom kept his casual posture but went rigid, he did a quick glance over at her before moving back over to the ghost. “Now? You’re doing this now?”

“It’s always a good time to hurt you and besides,” another throaty chuckle, “I thought Ms. Grey might be interested.” Ok, was there any ghost that didn’t know her identity?

“Anyway, the wife was out but I found my fat, stupid old friend,” another twitch from Phantom, “back at his old favorite past time of knitting. It looked like he was making a sweater.”

“You’re a real bastard, you know that?” Phantom hissed, his form looking more and more defensive by the minute. Valerie had no idea what they were talking about but it clearly was upsetting the Ghost Kid. Usually she’d be pleased but it was kind of uncomfortable to watch.

“Hmm,” the vampire ghost hummed, still radiating cruel satisfaction. “I’m sure you’ve seen it too considering how often you’re in that house. He was working so hard on it, so furiously. No doubt trying to get it done in time for Christmas. A beautiful, handmade sweater for his wayward son who’s never going to get the chance to wear it.”

Oh shit, Plasmius was talking about Phantom’s dad. She’d assumed the beef between them started once they’d become ghosts but clearly there was history that extended to when they’d both been alive. Imagining Phantom alive, with parents... it was too weird.

“Shut up, I’m going to wear the sweater,” Phantom muttered weakly, curling in on himself. He’d scooted as far away from Plasmius as he could get.

“Oh but he’s not making it for you, Danny Phantom,” Plasmius lilted with a smirk causing Phantom to wince. “He’s making it for his normal, human son who he doesn’t even have the brains to realize doesn’t exist anymore. Would he bother to spend so much time and energy on a sweater that could only be worn by a ghost? To see proof of his own failure as a father?”

“Hey, it was my fault,” Phantom defended, finally snapping out of his sad and guilty funk. He balled his fists and glared at Plasmius with all he had. “I don’t blame them for what happened, I love them and they love me and nothing you say will ever change that!”

“Then why don’t you tell them, Daniel,” Plasmius asked with a raised eyebrow. “If you’re so confident in their love, then tell them. Tell them the sweater is pointless because you thrive in the cold. Tell them that their mistakes and negligence led to you becoming an unnatural abomination not fit to exist in either world.”

“Only-” Phantom’s voice caught and he cleared his throat and tried again. “Only if you tell them first. You may have been their friend at one point a long time ago but all you’ve done since then is hurt people, hurt me. For all their flaws, I don’t think they’ll ever forgive you for that.”

“Touché, son,” Plasmius scoffed. “Now then, I’m afraid our discussion will have to continue another time. I believe the power on the ghosts shield should be fading right about...” a low whine and the green wall surrounding them disappeared. “Ta ta for now you petulant child. Ms. Grey, a pleasure as always. Be careful with this one, he’s an experienced cheat and a liar.” With those parting words, Plasmius disappeared in a swirl of pink.

Valerie thought Phantom would leave too but instead he let out a long breath and ran his gloved fingers through his hair. After a moment he straightened himself up and looked as cool and confident as he ever did.

“The Fentons have probably rounded up the rest of the ghost but we might as well check, you check by the cafeteria and I’ll go through the classrooms.”

“Why?” Valerie found herself asking, not sure what she meant. Why did Phantom die? Why was he so afraid to let his apparently still living parents know what happened? Why did he try so hard to help people when everyone, including her, was so against him?

“It’s the right thing I guess,” Phantom shrugged, rubbing at the back of his neck. “My uh my parents raised me that way and if it lost that after everything, well, then the person I was before really will be gone.” He floated over to her, gently phasing them both through the wreckage connecting them to the rest of the school and, for a second Valerie saw a scared, human kid in over his head. Then the illusion was gone and it was just Phantom, annoying as always.

“Check the classrooms and if there’s no ghosts then I’m gunning for you,” Val said instead, activating her hoverboard and speeding off before he could answer. She readied her weapons and didn’t think of childless parents living in ignorance of what they’d lost or lonely sons who were too afraid to ask if their parents would love them even as a monster.

She just wanted to get the ghost scum out of her school and move on with her life. But still, she couldn’t help but think that, come Christmas time, she’d find Phantom in a handknit sweater intended to ward off a chill he could not longer feel.

#danny phantom #this was last nights 10pm walk daydream #the situation itself is a little contrived #but just the idea of vlad dan and val being trapped #and plasmius being a total prick and talking about Phantom's 'death' in front of Val #neither him or danny ever quite lie but its not quite true either #jack seems like the type to handknit sweaters #just..... the idea of him making a sweater for danny who doesn't need protection from the cold #made me sad #p l u s Val thinking that Phantom is ghosting (haha) his parents and avoiding confronting his death #if I were to do a sequel (not) it would be about Val trying to offer an intervention to get Phantom to confess so he could move on #someone help me I can't stop writing dp ficlets

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