#but he just took something from me

[rubarb69]

a drawing I did alittle while back of Eden (was once known as (ex) Razor girl)

#i wanna ruin his life like he ruined mine #he chose something that he had no right to choose #and he got out fine #because for him it was just a saturday #and he wanted rid of me in the state i was in #so he just sent someone to fix what he broke #not that it was fine before him #it was bad still #all the rest of them were bad for me too #but he just got sick joy out breaking me down #taking someone already messed up and just kicking them relentlessly #and yet when i ask him he said he treated me the best #was the “least abusive” #he manipulated the rest of them #he fucked with other people #but he just took something from me #and i cant get it back #and he wont even admit it happened #and hes the only one who understands #i tell him about feeling this way and he gets it fully and completly #in a way nobody else has #thanks texas... #for the sleepless nights #and the homoerotic dreams about you #and the deep hatred i feel #i love to hate you and hate to love/miss you

[thebirdsandthebats]

Okay @s-p-r-i-n-g-t-i-m-e I’m sure you know plenty BUT I’m going to use your wonderful and hilarious comment on this as an excuse to talk about Bernard, bc I realized recently that there are plenty of ppl who haven’t read most of the comics he’s been in. So get ready for my long overdue:

UNPACKING BERNARD DOWD + HIS TRAUMA (for those who cannot keep up with comics but want to get to know him)

So to start, Tim met Bernard years ago ofc, when they were in high school. It’s established pretty quick that Bernard is an extremely Unserious guy LMAO, the first thing he does is literally circle Tim and try to feel him out socially, see what kind of guy he is. He’s the kind of guy who gets himself in trouble with his big mouth, and seems to enjoy poking at Tim and testing his patience. By the time we meet Bernard again in the recent years, he’s grown a lot, but at his core he’s still the light-hearted, fun, goofy guy with very strong opinions. Just less stand-offish, maybe

Throughout the time Tim spends at this school though, Bernard does experience some wild shit. He lost Darla (somebody he really cared about), he experienced a shooting at his school, and then Darla came back from the dead, kind of scared the hell out of him, and used him to contact Tim again. It was kind of played for laughs, but like. That’s gotta fuck you up. (Robin #140)

Obviously this is the kind of thing that maybeee has a lasting effect on you. And BECAUSE Tim Drake: Robin got cut so short and the writer had to rush to wrap up the series, we’re left to fill in a lot of gaps and draw conclusions about the years we didn’t see Bernard ourselves. But we absolutely get some insight as to his life after Tim left that school and we stopped seeing him in the comics. Spoiler alert: it was hard.

In TDR, Bernard discusses the the cult that he’d been in that Tim saved him from in Urban Legends. He says that “he’d accepted himself”, but others hadn’t. Obviously there’s the natural reading that he means his queerness (which has me chewing through drywall), but I think that he’s speaking very broadly too. Bernard is a very odd example of a civilian, because he’s always getting dragged into things much bigger than him. And even before that, he had his big ideas, his conspiracies, his loud personality. He tended to rub people the wrong way in high school. Then in issue #7 of TDR (the Bernard pov issue my most beloved, weird pacing aside) Bernard refers to this “oozy, sticky feeling” that he ALWAYS feels when Tim isn’t around. He says when he’s alone it’s harder to put one foot in front of the other. To keep GOING. To wake up every day.

I think that Bernard has always felt like an outcast. (Robin #121, he doesn’t fit into any clique). He wasn’t as okay with it as he acted. And I think he wasn’t getting any attention from his parents. (Batman: Urban Legends #5, Bernard’s parents nonchalance to the days leading up to his kidnapping)

So just like Bernard explained to Tim, that feeling got bad. and he wanted to let go. The chaos monsters, the cult, all of it was a means to an end. But then Tim agreed to see him again, and I think that sparked something in him. Because he started learning to fight. When he was tied down to that alter and Tim was saving him, I think it fully sank in to Bernard that he didn’t want to die. Reconnecting with Tim gave him hope and made him really feel something good for the first time in ages.

So now that they’re dating after the cult fiasco, we get to know this current Bernard. A less goading, maybe calmer Bernard. But he’s still himself, of course, rambling about his ideas and making bad jokes and sticking to his guns (he has NEVER been a pushover, no idea where people get that idea?). I think a lot of people complained that Bernard mellowed out too much in terms of attitude, but I think if he seems “nicer” it’s because 1) he’s grown now. It’s been a while since we last saw him, and he’s clearly changed a lot. And 2) because he’s dating Tim now. He likes him a lot, and he’s an affectionate partner. He wants to lift Tim up.

But the fact that he was pulled into a cult still remains. And as lighthearted as Bernard tries to be, that traumatic experience still happened. It said in Urban Legends #5 while Tim was searching for him that Bernard had welts on his arms and legs and had been acting different, so it’s not like he was just snatched up on a whim. He’d spent significant time there. For those who haven’t read much abt the ways cult trauma specifically can fuck you up, I recommend doing a search if you’re in a good headspace for that and want to understand him more. because it’s pretty bad.

And then! yeah. you guessed it. Bernard gets kidnapped again. Chained up next to a BOMB that’s counting down. RIGHT WHEN HE’S WORKING ON HEALING FROM ALMOST BEING SACRIFICED BY A CULT.

And surely this can’t get crazier. He’s almost died twice in the past 6 months. except, remember his parents? In TD:R #7, we really see a little more of his relationship with his parents. He doesn’t live up to their standards, and his dad specifically seems to just want to argue with him. The restaurant they’re at is attacked, and everything goes to shit, and. you know, I think these panels really speak for themselves.

And for the record, when it’s revealed that everyone is seeing their worst fears, Bernard’s parents fears are not about him.

So now Bernard has to deal with that. And we start to see that Bernard is really not as okay as he’s tried to be. He keeps a baseball bat by his door because he’s been kidnapped twice now. And just when he’d likely thought things couldn’t get worse, he heard the Chaos Monsters were back. I can’t imagine he feels safe. He lashes out for the first time since all this has happened and yells at Kate and Tim, because while they’re doing what they feel is necessary to save more people (AND I DONT BLAME THEM AT ALL), Bernard can’t talk about it.

And I will forever be sad and insist that TD:R got cancelled too soon, just before we could get into the really juicy stuff, because things had to be wrapped up pretty quick and this was the only comic Bernard was consistently appearing in. But when Tim is giving himself up to the chaos monsters, Bernard goes out and rallies anyone he knows can help. Things were rushed because there was no more time to flesh out the story the way it could have been, but I’m including these panels just because I love Bernard Audacity Dowd using a fucking flashlight and shadow puppet to call Batman. geeking out for a minute. And then leading the battalion to save Tim with a SLEDGEHAMMER. gay people rule.

So yeah! While I see the vision of how a lot of Bernard’s trauma was meant to be semi-resolved and let him come to peace after saving Tim back, we just didn’t have the time for him to heal properly. I’d give anything to get inside his brain again. UHH IF YOU READ THIS I HOPE YOU LOVE BERNARD NOW and don’t come at me if I left something out, some of my comics aren’t with me rn. Bonus TimBer for the road:

#WHEW IT TOOK A WHILE TO ORGANIZE THESE PANELS #Hes NOT BORING he is SO FASCINATING TO ME #i think his character is just not being utilized the way it could be #I didnt source every panel so just ask if you want to know where something is from! #bernard dowd #batfamily #dc comics #tim drake #timber #timbern

[yridenergyridenergy]

Vicious August 1998

#I know! #a rare post of old visual kei stuff from me! #the context for this is that on one of my trips after COVID-19 #I tried to find a substitute store for Trio2 which had shut down in Nakano Broadway #I had read that there were some magazine shops at least in Ochanomizu #I didn't have data and tried to navigate with my geolocation skills but ended up asking a sort of old officer just to be sure #he said something along the lines of 'but I'm just an old man...' #so a younger man came to his and my rescue and offered to help me #he understood little English and used Google Translate to communicate with me for the most #turned out he was a magazine enthusiast himself and he took me to a couple of stores #they all had only antique magazines like nothing past 2005 #he found everything that had Dir en grey at each of those stores #I felt bad after a while because it was not at all what I was looking for #so I ended up buying the Xth magazine that he showed me #see above hah #just so you know I was really close to the store just with my skills #Dir en grey #young #scans #magazine #visual kei #vkei #Kyo #Kaoru #Die #Shinya #Toshiya #makeup #I'm not sure why I'm such a fan of that middle finger nail paint

[buckttommy]

this isn't a horny post but. has buck even... seen a hard penis before that was not his own? like yeah yeah porn but. that's not really the same is it. not when you're not even looking. not when you don't even know that you want to look. like for all intents and purposes buck is completely virginal here and that's. ummm. that's a lot.

#like. oh. oh he's such a baby. he really is a BABY gay like sweet boy. you know nothing #you are about to get your entire perception of life and your body and your inner being absolutely fucking rearranged #especially the perception of his life like. for 30+ years he has lived in one world and it only took one kiss. one handful of seconds to no #just *change* that world but transport him to a completely different one. #everything is going to be different. from the way he approaches his politics (because it means something different when you're actually #fighting for your OWN rights) and the way he approaches his body like. and that's the real kicker for me is like #buck knows his body. he knows what he likes and this that and the other #but he doesn't actually KNOW his body because he doesn't know ALL the ways that it can feel #and all the ways that it can make HIM feel #he has not yet tasted the way his body can electrify him and render him undone and it's like #it truly is like he's becoming another person #and i know that's cheesy to say but this really is like being born again. #oh my god. i'm actively falling asleep. i don't know if this makes sense. you guys get the picture

[vaxxman]

Do you like red oktoberfest (like romantically)?

Aha! Interesting and very valid thing to ask! Thanks for your question!

I shall not answer straightforwardly!

Doodle (1) and rambles you didn't ask for below the cut. The answer is in the last paragraph.

Clown language.

I admit I personally prefer showing characters interact with each other and allowing their interaction to be interpreted as either romantic, platonic, or even nothing at all.

I think this approach makes relationships less framed by "signpost cues" of friendship/attraction/love (not that I do not enjoy seeing these either). I think it leaves more room for interesting human interactions, independent of what expectations the reader has for the two characters. Some people seem to search for actions like kissing, hugging, confessions, in order to confirm whether something was supposed to be romantic or not. But then, the absence of such cues make them arrive at conclusions that ignore other forms of relationship-building interactions all together :(

(Fig.1: The unparalleled amount of different flavours of intimate feelings that are evoked from "getting shot and dying on your shoulder" - disease)

So for me, it's Schroedinger's character relationships, with a generous amount of "the true value of this relationship is the collection of interactions we have made along the way" and it doesn't need a name. So with that out of the way:

I am not averted to the idea of Medic and Heavy finally getting their hot steamy Tf2 Sex Update thanks for readin-

#tf2 medic #tf2 heavy #tf2 #team fortress 2 #60 seconds till mission begins rambles #Generally I like Doc just “mein Freund”ing everyone and keeping it ambiguous what he means oh the broad road that is camaraderie and romanc #Its 100% ok if you want to tag anything I drew with a romantic couple tag even though I myself didn't tag it as such #Be free :) - just dont start to tag something unethical :( #This ask is from nearly 2 months ago apologies that it took so long #I wanted to answer things chronologically but alas impulsive posting got the better of me

[kelpshippingceo]

you ever think about how lloyd lost his childhood due to the tea, his teenage years to being a ninja + (gestures vaguely at harumi-induced trauma) and his early adult years to isolating himself from the world and grieving his friends? because I do

#lloyd garmadon #lloyd montgomery garmadon #lego ninjago #bro is doomed by the narrative; haunted by the narrative and a secret third thing (narrating the narrative) #raine said something about how desperate he must've been for human connection post merge despite isolating himself #and it's messing me up as you can see #he gave his whole life to protect others' #he needs an existential/identity crisis arc like henry hart from henry danger ngl #“you took an oath to protect this city” “yeah when I was 13!” reminds me of how. yeah sure lloyd willingly became the green ninja #but he was still just a child and he didn't exactly have much of a choice #don't even get me started on his trust issues bro

[samsrosary]

you only love me when we're all alone

#OKAY #this took me like 4 days #to finish #drowley #crowstiel #cram #something something crowley's constant desire for attention and love from everybody around him but he never gets it even in his final act #of love for the ppl who hate him <3 #my art #crowley #spn #supernatural #castiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #fanart #you could also extrapolate the meaning of tfw all love eachother too much to even NEED him. he's forever and always just a sidenote to them #song: a loving feeling - mitski #because thats crowleys anthem #and ive said so like 5 times before but im saying it again its HIS ANTHEM #NOW REBLOG

[hazzybat]

Kris playing with his hands in interviews for 3 and a half minutes.

I could have included a lot more but you get the idea. A lot of interviews don't show his hands well but you can still tell he's fiddling with them due to his arm and wrist movements.

Relatable King tbh

#he's so relatable #i could have found more clips probably but this is good for now #also yes the last clip made me laugh and it's half the interview just sped up lol #he has such nice hands #they're only still if he's holding something or in slaypose (yes really) #have fun watching interviews from now on now that you’ll notice it #kris guštin #joker out #hands #this took so long lol

[earlgodwin]

"He's spent the entire time being picked upon and bullied by the family. I think personally from where Juan stands he sees the hypocrisy in the family, how they can do one thing and say another. As far as Juan is concerned he's always had the best interests of the family at heart, however misguided that might be and doesn't quite comprehend why nobody understands that. Nobody seems to understand that what he does, he does for the betterment of the Borgia clan and never waivers from that. He does that in ways that perhaps aren't sanctioned by the church or sanctioned by family law."

#oh spill the tea!! he truly believed he was doing something right. an impulsive sad lonely dude who doesn't think through #he was bestowed a position he never gave a fuck about in the first place because being a soldier is NOT what he wanted #he just wanted his family's love and affection. a simple i love you would've gone a long way #the way he teases cesare about being a cardinal because that's the only way to get his attention it's just a little brother thingie #and yet cesare took it way too personal lol crazy to me how cesare was the one who slowly destroyed juan before killing him #like how he forced his hand to murder djem and then slowly sabotaging him by mocking him constantly then setting him up to die at forli #by not informing him that ludovico's army was coming for his neck like even from a military stand point cesare ruined the forli mission fr #because he decided to prioritize his own jealousy of juan; humiliating him and hoping him to die so he can take his position as a soldier #the hypocrisy part is sooo tea because cesare killed juan in cold blood telling him that they're borgias and they never forgive #5 mins later he's begging rodrigo to forgive him for killing juan like bro was just saying that to dying juan to destroy him mentally first #i'm screaming he singlehandedly caused juan's spiraling into darkness. how are you gonna fuck up your brother that hard helpppp ?!!?!?! #fucked up dysfunctional family that i love #david oakes #juan borgia #the borgias #theborgiasedit #perioddramaedit #televisiongifs #tvedit #by jen

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I think ought to be more readily-available and encouraged is simply... taking parental classes. I wish it were more common for people to realize just how hard - and important - parenting is, and indeed, that we all could use help with taking care of young folk. It's really alarming that popular opinion is still that parental classes are only for the "fuck-up" parents, or the parents who utterly failed. It should be seen as a good thing to take parental classes - especially on your own volition. It should be seen as imperative for one to take them, it should be a free, accurate, and scheduled occurrence so that people of any background are able to attend.

#politics #parenting #i might have posted something like this before but who knows. certainly not me (the blogger) #of course some cities and states in the USA for instance will have programs like this but it's not.. across the board from what i understand #my city has a few free parenting classes for really any parent and i am really happy to hear that #my dad talks about the classes he took and most of them are geared toward fathers (the classes he takes). i think that's a great thing #i wish that was more common when i was a kid. when i'm older you bet i'm taking advantage of parenting classes <3 #even if i have no children i won't be child-free unless i live in isolation. i want to treat them well #i would be devastated if a kid were to have a horrible experience around me because i was an asshole or i was uncompassionate or ignorant #the overall message i got as a kid was that parenting classes were a punishment for the fuck-up parents and THAT is fucked up to me #the idea that parenting is simultaneously natural AND that you're Always Correct and Never Wrong is dangerous at best #like i bet my abuser thought they were a good adult to me and that i was just a fucked-up *child*

[bumblingbabooshka]

Harry Kim saying Naomi is lucky to be born on Voyager and that he would have given "anything" to have her life when he was a kid...

#He sees NO downsides???? #Also I love how Neelix was yelling and panicked and Harry was like 'haha ok buddy. Hey this little guy is ugly huh~? See ya later!' #absolutely unbothered and not the least bit curious - love him <3 #saw someone post about how they don't like 'once upon a time' bc Neelix doesn't tell Naomi right away about her mother .... bro. #c'mon. Anyway I love Neelix and him trying so hard to shield Naomi from bad things / upset bc he KNOWS how fucking painful #it is to lose a family DID make me tear up. #Also Naomi in that burned-down forest (symbolic of innocence?) was a kickass visual. Neelix telling her about his family and Naomi trying #to comfort HIM??? SHE'S SUCH A GOOD KID MAN....Neelix making her a flotter doll was also v cute #OH AND Naomi going 'I Am Borg...' and Neelix going '~??? No you're not~!!!' and Naomi giggling...added NOTHING to the #episode - as it should be!! Sometimes you've just gotta have a really cute silly moment <3 #Tuvok: [says something] / Tom: Nice bedside manner Tuvok =_= #Tuvok: [about to say the most beautiful comforting words you've ever heard one parent say to another] And I took that personally. #Love how Naomi is scared of Seven at first...girl that's your roommate. #HEHEH she starts off the series scared of her but by the end she's her little buddy and also her intern #but yeah never forget that Harry Kim can and will say the most unhinged things but so casually that no one will really clock it #NEVER forget that he says he remembers.....either being an infant or his own birth - both WILD to me #Harry Kim lowkey loves destiny and being special and the idea of 'chosen ones' and the narrative even though he will fight it all if it #harms the ones he loves #Harry: (guy from an alternate timeline who replaced the dead Naomi with the alive one from his own) That kid's living the dream <3

[justanotherfanfolks]

Wait, you know what makes this extra funny?

The fact that this is all of Ruggie's screen time in Phantom Bride.

He shows up for like 5 seconds, refuses to help, and never shows up again. Not even in a vignette like the others that had small parts in the story. And I love that for him.

#twisted wonderland #twst #ruggie bucchi #you're like “ruggie! where ya been man” and then he just refuses to be part of the plot #silver comes in epel's vignette #malleus comes for riddle #jamil comes in Lilia's with kalim getting extra screentime there #ruggie is the only one who only shows up during this segment #not in the opening #not in a vignette #he's just built different #every other character did something and he just took a break from Leona #out of all the comedy in phantom bride this fact has always made me laugh the hardest

[theghostofashton]

thinking about how tk reacts to being called the coach's son, how upset he is, how he turns to recounting his accomplishments, trying to create that distance between them, and thinking about how many times he's done this before. what it must've been like to grow up as owen strand's son in the aftermath of 9/11. the boy whose dad saved so many people and lost his entire crew, then rebuilt his entire firehouse. thinking about how many times tk's been called the coach's son, accused of being favored because of who his dad is, unable to exist outside of owen's shadow for all incredible, wonderful, heroic reasons that somehow don't feel that way. the tension between loving his dad and being so proud of him and resenting him a little for all of it.

#imagining even like. him acing a test and some bitter kid muttering something about how the teacher gave it to him bc of his dad #bc everyone in their area knows owen knows the story knows what he did #what it must've been like to grow up like that #tk and owen RUIN me truly #there's so much there it's so complicated #because owen is a hero that has done so many impressive and wonderful things that sometimes took him away from being tk's hero as a kid #that sometimes had him not showing up that sometimes made tk doubt things he hated doubting #the worst thing is it isn't something owen was even doing intentionally and it can be fully understood by his own trauma #he didn't mean to but it still happened #he loves his son so much and he tried but it's still so. #it's just so much and i love it i love them i love how messy this is because it's full of so much love that is the crux of it #911 lone star #911 ls meta

[oifaaa]

lmao sorry to keep this going but. tim absolutely had it the easiest of the bat kids, not even a discussion. he had a cushy, priviledged life with parents that actually cared about him, and fanon going uwu poor sad little rich boy so so so neglected and abused... GIRL?!?! cass got the shit kicked out of her till she became the best fighter in the world, and she was homeless for nearly a decade after that and yet often feels like shes the one comforting tim ("""little brother uwu""")

I get you I think it is just frustrating when people try so hard to give Tim the back story Cass already has and then processeds to either not include cass completely or just make her a bland cardboard cutout of a character that's only job in any story is to support which ever male white lead is currently crying

#ask #anon #Like I said frustrating #Tim having an okay privileged childhood does not take away from his character #It just explains alot about how he acts #And the type of trails he has to go through #Like there's something to be said that Tim's the only Robin that really didn't need to become Robin #He went out of his way to ruin his own life #Tim took all his experiences of writing self insert fanfics #To real life practical use #He said fuck it #If my parents won't sell me to batman I'll sell myself to batman #And then he spent the next 10 years realising why that was probably a bad idea #Absolute king of bad decision #We love to see it

[firestorm09890]

I used to think Xigbar’s title was lame as hell until I learned that it’s actually a sick reference and now it’s one of my favorites.

The Freeshooter in English and Magic Bullet Shooter in Japanese, both are direct references to the figure called Freischütz from German folklore. He received a certain number of magical bullets from the Devil that would hit any target he desired without fail. Fitting for Xigbar, considering the space manipulation thing. However, he would only be able to control the first 6 bullets; the 7th would be directed by the Devil himself, and would certainly hit someone the Freeshooter cared about.

I doubt Xigbar being Luxu was planned far enough in advance for it to be intentional, but... it’s easy to see the Master of Masters as a sort of devil figure, isn’t it?

#kingdom hearts #xigbar #luxu #kh analysis #kinda?? #okay this stays in the tags but I only learned about der freischutz thanks to lobotomy corporation and that specific interpretation of #the legend makes me go bonkers #upon hearing about the 7th bullet der freischutz took that gun and killed all his loved ones himself #then he traveled from world to world #sometimes being a righteous hunter and sometimes being a bloodstained gunsman #over time the devil stopped watching him and hed become something of a devil himself #making contracts. shooting things for a price. #and just #luxu's evolution as time went on into someone more like MoM in personality #watching worlds go by for centuries and taking up different roles each time #for the one person who cares this is where the #lobotomy organization #thoughts started lmao #me post

[vlasdygoth]

kitten

#mgs #revolver ocelot #more painting practice bc i cant sleep #him and his stupid triangle tanline #idk if i like the freckles as a permanent thing but you know he's not putting on as much sunscreen as he should #much to think about when you're under self hypnosis. for some reason #every day i think about how long it took before kaz noticed something was up #or if he knew he was doing it from the start or what #idk. idk. so much of that doesnt make sense to me but whatever. whatever!! #id in alt text #like i feel like he couldve just kept up the lie he did it for nine ye-- [i am dragged offstage by a cartoonishly large hook] #mgsv spoilers #for the tags. if anyone cares