#but i am about to turn twenty which is fucking crazy? and i thought by this time id be okay and id have my shit together

[earth-to-ezra]

i feel like my brains ripping itself apart so imma put a lil rant in the tags so i can maybe possibly feel slightly better without people having to come across this accidentally! :)

#okay so imma start this off with a trigger warning for suicidal thoughts! #because its gonna slightly be touched on at least #but i am about to turn twenty which is fucking crazy? and i thought by this time id be okay and id have my shit together #but i guess fucking not #nothing is okay in the slightest #im not doing anything i want to be doing because i am a fucking pussy #i dont even know if i WANT my degree anymore??? #i know what degree i would definitely strive in because i take my electives in that degree #but its not even a full degree offered by my university #so even if i wanted to switch and strive i couldnt #and if i do it itll be like less stable than my current one #but also (this is where that tw comes in) i dont even w a n t to be alive past 19 let alone past 20 or past getting a degree #like i dont wanna make it to my birthday most of these past couple days and im gonna make it there because the mental illness is not winning #but damn is it fighting back #and man do i feel like absolute shit #but like how the fuck am i meant to know what i want to do and what degree or career i want in life if i dont even want to live #how am i meant to find something that makes me happy when im so tired of being here in the first place #ill just continue on as is #like i always do #but god i just hope that by the time i reach 25 im actually feeling better #like what i told myself when i was 15 about when i turned 20 #one day maybe things will improve #and im just gonna have to keep sticking around until then! #i got this i think #i can do it

[yelena-bellova]

Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven: Hands

Plot: Y/n and Joel work to escape the ambush with their lives, sharing an unexpected tender moment after.

Word Count: 7.6k

Warnings: tlou ep.4 spoilers, language, graphic description of injuries, canon-typical violence, death, blood, guns, knives, insinuated a**ault, (16+)

A/N: THERE WAS ONE BED. Sorry, I’ve been waiting five days to say that. Anyway, this one was super fun to write. As always, this series is 16+ and I will not be tagging anyone unless your age is specified in your bio. Gotta look out for younger eyes 👀

Enjoy, and good luck to all going into tonight’s episode 🙏🏻

——————

June 6th, 2002. Austin Texas.

Summer in Texas brought a brutal heat, but once the sun set, it was bearable to a point of enjoyment.

Y/n’s fingers drummed anxiously against her steering wheel as she drove to the fairgrounds. If she’d been nervous about her first date with Joel, this was worse. If she couldn’t fit in with the family, there was no point in them going any further. The night had to go well.

She pulled into the dirt parking lot, taking a deep breath before switching off her car. Sarah and her had already gotten along when she’d driven her home. And Tommy already felt like an old friend. Everything would be fine…probably.

Tommy, Joel and Sarah waited at the front of the fair, the latter two peeking through the sea of people for one specific person.

“Can’t tell which one of you’s more excited,” Tommy chuckled, looking between his niece and brother.

“I’m excited,” Sarah replied, standing on her tiptoes to get a better look, “Dad’s nervous.”

“I am not nervous,” Joel stated, his fiddling thumbs over his pockets contradicting his words.

Before Tommy could get in a jab, the three of them spotted Y/n’s head bobbing through crowd. Sarah and Tommy waved wildly, Joel tried to keep his restrained.

“The yellow rose of Texas,” Tommy cheered, beating Joel to give her a hug.

Y/n laughed as Tommy spun her around. “Nice to see you too,” she grinned.

Sarah jumped forward, unable to contain her excitement any longer. “Hi, Y/n!”

“Hey,” Y/n greeted her, unsure whether or not she was supposed to hug her or if it was too much or-

Her excessive thoughts died in thin air as soon as her and Joel’s eyes met.

He sheepishly walked forward, hoping it didn’t seem like he wasn’t enthusiastic about her being there. He was just so fucking nervous.

“Dad,” Sarah piped up, “Doesn’t Y/n look pretty tonight?”

“Yeah,” Tommy added, taking Y/n’s hand and twirling her around, “Better make a move before she realizes she can do better.”

Joel nodded along, “Alright, alright,” he took Y/n’s hand, “Hi.”

“Hi,” she smiled, all her anxiety suddenly seemed worth it.

“Should we get this show on the road?” Tommy asked, slapping his hands together and pulling Sarah along with him.

Joel and Y/n’s fingers stayed interlocked as they walked in.

“She’s been bouncing off the walls all day,” he admitted, “Couldn’t wait to see you.”

Y/n forced a laugh, “You’re doing wonders for my anxiety…”

Joel laughed, sneaking a kiss to Y/n’s temple while his family’s backs were turned.

The night, however, ended up going better than either one of them expected. Sarah was glued to Y/n’s side all night, barely acknowledging her uncle or Joel. She insisted that Y/n sit with her on all the rides, even grabbing her hand on one of the coasters. Y/n made an effort in between attractions to find out Sarah’s interests, finding common ground in music mostly. Joel’s daughter was witty, smart and a downright joy to simply be around.

Joel watched the whole thing, his heart bursting with affection for them both. Under the glow of the carnival lights, he wasn’t sure what he had been so worried about. He had the two most incredible girls in his life and it was crazy to think they wouldn’t get along.

They’d walked nearly the entire fair before Sarah spotted the ferris wheel. “We haven’t done that one yet,” she said, “Y/n?”

“Well, if your dad’s recovered from the tilt-o-whirl,” Y/n shrugged, smiling smugly at Joel.

Joel pointed a finger at Y/n, “Don’t even mention that death contraption.”

The four of them made their way through the line, zigging and zagging. Somewhere along the way, Sarah drifted behind Joel and Y/n to walk alongside Tommy, forcing the two of them together. They filed up the steps and into the cart, expecting Tommy and Sarah to be right behind them.

“Oh,” Sarah put her hands to her stomach, “I’m not feeling great.”

Tommy grabbed his niece’s shoulders with great concern, “Oh, no. Maybe we should go sit you down.”

Joel, though already barred in his seat, tried to stand up. “Sarah, I-“

“You guys go ahead,” she waved her dad off, “I think I just need some water or something.”

“Well, no,” Y/n said, trying to push the bar up, “We can just-“

The wheel creaked to life and began to lift Y/n and Joel up into the air.

“Well, fuck,” Joel muttered, frantically looking around as if he could somehow stop it in motion, “I wonder if it’s somethin’ she ate.”

Y/n peered down, searching out Tommy and Sarah’s forms. She chuckled when she finally spotted them. “Something tells me she’ll live,” she tapped Joel on the shoulder and pointed downwards.

There, back in line for more greasy carnival food, was Sarah, nearly bouncing beside her uncle as they watched Y/n and Joel.

Joel threw his head back in relief and laughter, blindly seeking out Y/n’s hand.

“Your daughter might just be an evil genius,” Y/n smirked.

“She’s diabolical,” Joel replied, turning to face Y/n with a lovesick grin, “She loves you.”

Y/n folded her other hand over Joel’s, “She’s magic. Just pure sunshine.”

“No, I mean,” Joel sat up straighter, “She’s never taken to anyone like she has you. It’s just been us and Tommy her whole life and the way she’s accepted you is just…”

Neither one needed to say it, they could both feel it. Sarah had taken Y/n in like she’d always been there.

“I’m honored,” Y/n beamed.

Joel felt like he was locked in a tractor beam, Y/n’s eyes drawing him in further and further. The two of them startled when the ferris wheel creaked again and they stopped moving, having reached the top of their climb.

“So,” Y/n started, “Did I pass the Miller family test?”

Joel took the opportunity to wrap his arm around her shoulders, dragging her frame closer to him till they were pressed against one another. Y/n interlocked her fingers with his, her stomach nearly in her throat from the closeness.

Joel knew that the next seconds were crucial. If he kissed Y/n, he was signing away his future. There would never be another woman his eyes followed across the room. The room would empty as soon as she walked in. There would never be another first date, sweaty palms and racing heartbeat accompanying. The nerves would morph into different firsts, ones of far more significance. If he gave his heart fully to this woman, it would never again be his.

Joel rubbed a thumb against Y/n’s shoulder and smiled, “Flyin’ colors, Rosebud.”

Y/n was practically glowing, relief radiating out of her. She knew that Sarah was the final puzzle piece to her and Joel, and it had all come together gloriously. There were no more obstacles, there was only them.

Joel’s eyes flickered to Y/n’s lips, the signal that meant something beautiful was about to happen. She held firm, not wanting to move and upset the electricity of the moment. Joel’s head slowly drifted forward, his nose gently sliding against Y/n’s. She couldn’t hide her shaky exhale as their skin finally touched.

Joel allowed a few seconds, for the possibility of her backing out, before letting himself lean in fully and kiss her.

The pure relief that ran through their bodies paralyzed them, their lips pausing as if the commit the feeling to memory. The shock wore off and Y/n pushed her lips deeper against his, seeking out the second kiss. Joel met her, bringing his free hand up to hold her cheek in place. His fingers spread across the side of her face, two brushing against her jawline. It was nearly a lazy kiss, like they knew this was just the first of a million and they could take their time with it.

There, above a sea of noise that faded in their ears, Y/n and Joel felt their uncertainties turn to stone. They were each other’s future.

—————————

2023. Kansas City, Missouri.

The crash could have been worse.

“Ellie?” Y/n panted, reaching blindly behind her.

“I’m okay,” Ellie grabbed hold of Y/n’s arm.

“You’re not hurt, nothin?” Joel asked both of them, his eyes frantically scanning them for injuries.

Ellie shook her head, “I don’t think so.”

“Good,” Y/n confirmed, checking Joel’s face and hands for blood.

Inevitable gunshots began to hit the truck, sending them ducking for cover.

“Belts off,” Joel shouted, “Fast!”

They unbuckled and Ellie crawled out her side of the truck, Y/n and Joel following. Y/n had the good sense to grab her backpack as she slid out. They crouched down behind the truck, Joel reaching back in to grab Y/n and his shotguns.

One of their assailants called out to them, “Let’s see you, motherfucker! Give us your shit, you make it through this! I promise!”

A lie.

Y/n and Joel loaded their guns in preparation. They could fight, but Ellie couldn’t.

Joel spotted a hiding spot through the wall. “Hey,” he caught Ellie’s attention, “You see that hole? Can you squeeze through?”

A couple warning shots caused them all to flinch, Y/n throwing an arm over Ellie’s body instinctively.

“When I say go, you crawl through that wall,” Joel instructed, “And you squeeze through, and you don’t come out until we say, okay?”

A bullet flew through one of the truck’s windows, the shards of glass raining around them. Y/n was directly under its stream, her adrenaline blocked the feeling of the small cuts.

“And they’re not gonna hit you,” Joel kept going, Ellie was already turning in concern towards Y/n, “Look at me!”

“Ellie,” Y/n urged, “Listen to him.”

Ellie turned to Joel, he drove the promise home. “They’re not gonna hit you.”

Another bullet came too close for comfort.

“You stay down, you stay low, you stay quiet,” Joel instructed, trying to give her as much information as possible in an attempt to soothe her fears.

“Mm-hmm,” Ellie nodded, Y/n squeezed her hand for reassurance.

“Okay,” Joel said, looking over to Y/n. The two of them had to be perfectly in sync for the plan to work. Y/n gave a confidant nod and he returned it.

“GO!”

On cue, Ellie began to belly crawl across the floor while Y/n and Joel got to their feet. When one of them took a shot, the other would stay down. They timed their reloads so that someone was always up and firing.

While crouched behind the truck, Y/n glanced over at the hole in the wall, the only thing left visible was Ellie’s leg being pulled through.

“She’s in,” Y/n told Joel, popping up as he went down and firing a shot at one of their attackers.

Joel was making up their escape route on the fly, trying to find a place safe enough to take cover behind. “Come on,” he muttered, leading Y//n behind a large piece of equipment.

Y/n crouched beside Joel, her mind racing with grim possibilites as the crunching of glass came closer. Joel was the better shot, without question, but her fear for Ellie’s life made her much quicker to the trigger. Joel motioned for her to stay down, he would take the shot.

Waiting for their attacker to be in perfect position, Joel rose to his feet and fired a deadly bullet.

Joel exhaled, he’d been holding his breath as they’d lay in waiting. He offered Y/n a hand, which she took, and pulled her to her feet. He went to reload the shotgun, but it had become jammed.

A body burst through the door, barely leaving Joel and Y/n time to react. Joel smacked the butt of his gun into the assailant’s, the almost-fatal shot hitting the ceiling instead. Y/n backed up and took aim, but the man swung around and knocked the shotgun out of her hands. Joel was trying to draw him away from Y/n, but as she went to attack him, she was thrown into Joel and they were backed up against their shelter. They struggled against the man as he tried to shove his gun against their throats.

Even though there were two of them, he quickly overpowered them and pulled them to the floor. He pinned Y/n and Joel down, the rifle big enough to dig into both their throats.

“Now you’re gonna pay, motherfuckers,” he threatened, “What you fuckin’ did, you killed yourself, motherfucker!”

Y/n and Joel began to feel the oxygen drain from their lungs, both of them kicking wildly in a sad attempt to free themselves. The sounds of Y/n’s struggles cut right to Joel’s heart, making him fight harder.

Y/n tried with her remaining strength to push the gun away from them, but without her and Joel at their best, it was fruitless. She gagged, her eyesight was beginning to blur. Their journey couldn’t end here, not like this…

Desperately trying to comfort her in what was assuredly their last moment, Joel’s hand, that was barely brushing Y/n’s, fought to slide a finger over hers. If they were going out, they were going out together.

And then suddenly, the weight lifted from them. Y/n fell onto her side, Joel landing up against her with an arm resting against her convulsing abdomen. They sputtered for air, coughing and hacking as it refilled their chests. Y/n held onto Joel’s arm as she wheezed, gripping him for traction as she tried to draw a true breath.

Joel forced himself up onto his arm, turning around and seeing their salvation came in the form of Ellie and a pistol. He should have known that she wasn’t going to listen…

“No, no, no, no, no,” Joel and Y/n’s attacker cried as Ellie took a step towards him, “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s over. We’re not fighting anymore.”

Finally gaining enough oxygen to see straight, Y/n leaned up, coming face to face with Ellie. Her heart broke at the sight of her, so young, having been forced to make an irreversible decision.

“I’m gonna go home,” the guilty promised, “I’ll tell everyone you’re good,” he began to cry, “I don’t know what to do. My legs don’t work.”

Joel’s protective arm remained around Y/n the whole time.

“My mom isn’t far,” the man continued to bargain for his life, “If you could get me to her.”

Y/n tapped Joel’s hand, shrugging his arm off as they got to their knees. Joel looked down at their hands, blood smeared on both their palms. The slow stream was coming from the back of Y/n’s hand, the spray of the truck’s glass window had cut her up good.

“We could trade with you guys,” the man tried to reason with a teary-eyed Ellie, “We could be friends. I didn’t know. I’m Bryan, I’m Bryan. What’s your name?”

Joel and Y/n helped each other up, steadying one another as they got to their feet. The sound of their assailant speaking, trying to be friendly to Ellie set Y/n off. She took a threatening step toward him, Joel had to hold her back by her hips.

They turned to Ellie, who looked like she was somewhere between relieved and tortured. Joel held out a hand, silently demanding the gun still shaking in her palm. She handed it over without hesitation.

Bryan had begun to weep behind them, as if that made any difference to the people whose lives he’d been ready to steal. Joel turned slowly, stuffing the gun in his jacket pocket and pulling out his own pistol.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Bryan sniffled, picking up the knife he would have most likely killed Y/n and Joel with and dropping it at their feet, “You can have it. It’s a good knife.”

Joel bent over to pick it up, turning to Ellie after. “Get behind the wall,” he growled.

“No, no, no, no,” Bryan cried, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please, please, we could just talk. I’m sorry! I’m-“

Ellie looked between him and Y/n, who nodded towards the hole as a back up to Joel’s order. Moving mechanically, Ellie hurried back through the hole to the others side of the building.

Bryan continued to beg for mercy, something Joel had been short on for twenty years. Y/n, usually the more reasonable of the two, stood over the sniffling young man, seething. He’d been ready to kill them like they were nothing. He’d have killed Ellie, or worse, taken her and allowed his friends to commit unspeakable acts to her. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness.

Joel didn’t bother asking Y/n for her opinion as he stalked forward. He ignored Bryan’s pleas, the shrieking cries for his mother. As he brought the knife down on him, Y/n turned away, desiring justice but unable to watch its delivery.

When it was over, Joel looked over to Y/n, who was turned towards the wall. He didn’t have time to feel any guilt over causing further damage to their past selves. He made his way over to her and took her hand into his, examining the bloody cuts.

“Window,” she choked out, pulling away from his touch, “I’ll clean it later.”

Joel nodded, there were no other options. “Ellie,” he called out, “We gotta get in there. We can’t fit through.”

“There’s some stuff against the door,” she replied.

“Well, can you move it?” Joel asked.

Y/n and Joel hurried around the back of the laundromat and to the side entrance to the building Ellie was hidden in. They leaned their collective weight against the door, the screech of a desk sliding on the other side. They burst through together, slamming the door shut after.

“Let’s go,” Joel hurried to help Ellie, “Fast.”

The three of them slid the desk back against the door, barricading themselves for the time being. It left them with nothing other than the reality of what happened sinking in on them.

“I’m okay,” Ellie was quick to say, reaching for her pack, “I’m good. I, uh, got some food in here still, and I got your light still.”

“What now?” Ellie asked.

“We go up,” Joel answered, already on the move.

“To get a better look?”

“Hopefully we spot a clear route out,” Joel opened the door that would lead them outside, “Stay close.”

Ellie nodded, “Got it.”

The three of them moved through the back room of the building, daylight greeting them as they found their way outside. Joel led them along the alley, finding cover behind an old car. They could hear the attacker’s calls for Bryan and the subsequent ones of terror when they found his body.

Joel cut across the street, shining his light through the opposite building’s door. Deeming it safe, he gestured for Y/n and Ellie to meet him. They ran through it, closing the door quietly behind them.

“Stairs?” Y/n asked, pulling out her pistol while Joel manned the flashlight.

Joel led them through the dark, the three of them flying up the steps in order to try and seek some vantage point. When they couldn’t find one, they headed back to the first level.

They snaked through holes, doors and carefully across streets, always avoiding whatever noise was just a few blocks over.

Eventually, they landed in a bar with newspapers plastered against the windows. It was the quietest street they’d found yet and safe for the time being. Joel monitored the city through the small chunk of exposed glass as sounds grew closer, watching as trucks and tanks rolled down the street.

Y/n was seated at the table, the first aid kid open and her hand stretched out. There were at least a dozen small shards of glass stuck in her skin, blood slowly trickling around them. It was going to be a bitch getting them out.

“They’re not FEDRA,” Ellie recounted the discussion they’d just had, “They’re not Fireflies. Who are they?”

“People,” Joel answered as he continued to watch.

“Are we okay in here?”

“Yeah, for now, but we gotta keep-“ Y/n’s gasp interrupted her sentence as she poured rubbing alcohol across the back of her hand. “We gotta keep moving,” she strained.

Joel’s attention was drawn away by Y/n’s cry of pain, but he made sure to look back through the window one more time. “Looks like they’re checkin’ out apartment buildings first. But they’ll be comin’ through these places soon enough.”

“So we zig when they zag,” Y/n stated, sanitizing her pair of tweezers.

Joel got up and Ellie took his spot at the window, he moved towards the table.

“There’s a really tall building, like, four blocks away,” Ellie reported.

“Yeah, saw it,” Joel replied.

“So that’s the one?” Ellie asked.

“As soon as we don’t hear a truck,” Joel said, “We move. Fast as we can.”

Joel came to sit across from Y/n, watching as she carefully began to pull pieces of glass from her skin. She was trying her best to hold back tears, her lip trembling as she bit down on it. His fingers practically twitched to help her, telling himself to hold back as much as he could.

Y/n’s hand began to shake as she reached for another shard, whimpering when she accidentally nudged it deeper into the cut.

“Here,” Joel offered, though it was more an order. He held out a hand for the tweezers.

“I’ve got it,” Y/n mumbled wetly, speaking past the lump in her throat.

“I know you do,” Joel replied softly, the softest tone he’d taken with her in twenty years. He looped his fingers through the vice-like grip she had on her tool, gently pulling it down to the table. “Here.”

Y/n was in too much pain to fight, and she knew Joel would get it done quick. She allowed him to take her injured hand into his, the sensation of his touch against her palm sending a jolt through them both.

Joel worked with precision, carefully pulling each shard out of each cut. Y/n would let out a small whine every once in a while, but he didn’t stop to look at her. The faster he moved, the faster her pain would end.

Y/n tried to focus on anything, anything other than the pain. That thing ended up being Joel’s hands. The rough callouses against her wrist, the occasional brush of his knuckle as he worked, the length of his fingers in comparison to hers. In the heat of misery, she couldn’t see what a dangerous place her mind was in. All she could see was Joel.

Once he was done, Joel collected the bloody shards in a piece of gauze and stuck them in the first aid kit. They couldn’t leave any trail. Y/n reached into the box and pulled out a bandage roll. Joel placed a large gauze pad over the back of her hand and unrolled the spool. He pulled Y/n’s hand closer to him across the table, lifting it up as he wrapped it in the material. He handled her with all the delicacy he could muster.

Y/n watched him wrap her hand, thinking of the last time he’d been this soft with her. For as rough around the edges as Joel had always been, there was a tenderness that had only ever been reserved for her and Sarah. To feel it again was to travel twenty years into the past, to feel their fingers intertwine as they laid in bed or walked down the street…

She almost forgot about her anger, just for a moment.

Joel secured the bandage and gently set her hand back on the table. They peered up at one another, the cautious look in their eyes saying more than their lips ever could.

“Thank you,” Y/n muttered.

Joel simply nodded, retracting his hands back into his sides. Reintroducing the feel of Y/n’s skin was dangerous, muscle memory was sure to seek out and seek more and more of it. He balled up his fists and set them in his lap.

Settled, Y/n glanced over at Ellie, who was seated against the wall with her knees to her chest. With a minute of calm on their side, they were all trying to deal with what had happened after the crash.

“Are you guys okay?” Ellie asked.

Y/n held up her bandaged hand, one side of her mouth twitching upwards.

“I’m all right,” Joel answered, looking anywhere but at Ellie as he struggled, “Are you…all right?”

“Yeah,” Ellie mumbled quickly.

Joel fiddled with his hand, there was a duality to him he didn’t know how to properly function out of. Twenty years of burying your feelings could leave you severely impaired by the time you needed to access them again.

“Thing is, I didn’t hear that guy comin’,” he sighed.

“Neither of us did,” Y/n looked up, her and Joel’s eyes meeting again in mutual guilt.

Joel turned back to Ellie, “You shouldn’t have had to…you know.”

“Well, you’re glad I did, right?” Ellie asked, needing reassurance that she’d done the right thing.

Good and bad were so muddled, post-pandemic. Y/n was glad she’d kept her life, but it came at the expense of another piece of Ellie’s innocence. What was she supposed to say?

“Thing is, you’re just a kid,” Joel said for the both of them, “You shouldn’t know what it means to…” he diverted his eyes, desperately searching for the magic words to make her feel any better, “It’s not like you killed him. But shootin’ or…” he sighed, “I know what it’s like, first time that you, uh, hurt someone like that.”

Y/n stayed quiet, unable to watch Joel’s painful attempt. She knew the moment he was referring to, and it hadn’t been the dick in the bar all those years ago.

“If you, uh,” Joel tried, stuttering on consonants after, “I’m not good at this.”

“Yeah,” Ellie numbly agreed, “You really aren’t.”

“I mean it was my fault,” Joel rushed out, glancing over to Y/n, “Our fault. You shouldn’t have had to,” he made sure to look in Ellie’s eyes, “And I’m sorry.”

“I am too,” Y/n added, her throat nearly clogging up.

Ellie soaked in their words, hurriedly wiping away at the tears welling in her eyes. It only made Joel and Y/n feel worse about their mistake.

“It wasn’t my first time,” Ellie spoke up, not looking in either of their directions.

While they were both emotionally guarded, Y/n was the more available between her and Joel. Her heart still beat for those in need. She got up from the table and came to Ellie, sliding down the wall until she was sitting next to her. She didn’t reach out, she just wanted Ellie to know that she wasn’t alone.

Joel’s way of showing he cared bled through in the way he protected. If he could ensure his people were safe, he could breathe easier.

He got down on his knees in front of Ellie, unloading her pistol from his pocket and handing it back to her.

“Show me your grip,” he said, “Finger off the trigger.”

Ellie held up the gun, barely concealing her joy at finally getting to learn.

“Now who taught you that?” Joel asked.

“FEDRA school,” she answered.

“Figures,” he muttered, Y/n scoffed alongside him. He maneuvered Ellie’s fingers, “Your thumb over your thumb. Left hand squeezes down on the right.”

Y/n reached out with her good hand, tucking one of Ellie’s stray fingers in. “Pinkies in,” she smirked, “There’s no princesses here.”

“There you go,” Joel sat back, “Look it.”

He tugged on the gun, trying to pull the gun from Ellie’s grip, but it held. She giggled as he yanked her forward.

“Okay?” Joel said sternly.

Ellie nodded, a smile still painted across her face.

Joel loaded the cartridge back into the weapon and safely handed it back to Ellie, who went to stuff it in her pocket.

“Uh-uh,” Joel shook his head, “You put it in your pack. You’ll shoot your damn ass off.”

Y/n turned her head away and snickered, still not wanting to give Joel the satisfaction of getting a laugh out of her. Joel got to his feet and extended a hand out to her. Y/n begrudgingly took it and let him pull her up.

Noting that outside had gone quiet, Joel nodded towards the door. Him and Y/n headed over and began ripping off the rotten wood boards nailed over the entrance. They had one clean shot at the high rise, they couldn’t make any missteps.

They paused when Ellie approached, both of them wanting her to trust that they’d get her to safety.

“We’re gonna be okay,” Y/n said, trying to make herself believe it too.

“I know,” Ellie muttered, the levity of the past moment having disappeared.

Joel and Y/n’s gazes met, neither one sure of what there was to say. They were developing their language through their silence, the nail biting seconds between safety and risking their lives. It was a level they had never connected on, because there had never been a need.

“Let’s go,” Y/n said softly.

Inhaling, Joel opened the door and they filed out into the empty street, bolting for the building they hoped would shelter them…

—————————

The journey to the high rise didn’t go as easy as they’d hoped, having to dip and duck into abandoned shops and restaurants. With the dark having blanketed them on the way, their arrival felt like an even bigger win when they got there.

There was the small task of getting in to the building.

Joel, Ellie and Y/n stared up at the vent that would grant them access to unlock the door.

“Alright, short stack,” Y/n announced to Ellie, “You’re up.”

Ellie, eager to be a part in any way she could, stepped forward. Joel nabbed a loose piece of wood resting against the wall and handed it to her.

“We’ll brace you,” Joel said, “Be careful going through, could be a long drop.”

“Got it,” Ellie nodded.

Joel bent down, locking his hands together. “You’re just gonna put your foot there,” he instructed.

“Okay,” Ellie breathed. Y/n was standing by, waiting to be needed.

“One, two,” Joel counted before lifting Ellie up.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” the girl said, panicked. Y/n jumped in and steadied her hips.

“Straighten up,” Joel directed, “I got you.”

Ellie stiffened her body, getting traction in the safety of Y/n and Joel’s arms, and rammed the wood into the vent. It clattered to the building’s floor. Joel and Y/n helped thread her through the hole, dusting off their hands after.

“Okay, I’m in,” Ellie called.

“Take a look around first,” Joel told her, the sound of her sneakers hitting the floor defiantly, “Ellie!”

“Come on,” Y/n grumbled, following the clattering noises Ellie made straight to the door. It swung open.

“Where would you be without me, huh?” Ellie asked proudly.

“By now, Wyoming,” Joel replied as he and Y/n walked through.

“Oh, yeah,” Ellie admitted, “Walked into that one.”

They carefully made their way through the mess-ridden building, it looked like it had once been a loading dock. A stray car, multiple signs on the walls with instructions and packing materials scattered across the floor.

“All right, we’ll make our way up,” Joel laid out the plan, “And come morning, I’ll take a look at the city and find our way out.”

Y/n walked ahead and pushed open the door that led to the stairs, Joel shining his light behind her.

“We’re going up 42 flights?” Ellie asked.

“45,” Joel answered, flicking the light upward to reveal the dauntingly tall structure, “But no, not all the way.”

“How far then?” Y/n asked.

Joel heavily sighed, “As far as I can make it.”

Ellie laughed while Y/n rolled her eyes, their fate was to be determined by Joel’s knees.

The cockiness should have been saved for later, or ignored entirely.

After the tenth flight, Y/n was huffing and puffing along with Joel. Years of fighting and manual labor hadn’t been kind to either of them, but the day’s exhausting circumstances weren’t helping.

“Not so easy, is it?” Joel quipped, following Y/n’s panting, hunched over form.

“Fuck…” Y/n drew a deep breath as she turned another corner, “You…Miller.”

“Hey, you know that guy who said he was hurt?” Ellie asked, changing the subject, “How did you guys know it was an ambush?”

Joel and Y/n paused on their respective steps, feeling weight drop on them for different reasons.

“I can’t speak for him,” Y/n answered, drawing a breath, “But when I made my way up to Boston, there were all sorts of people trying all sorts of things. Stories get through the QZ too. People saying that they lost loved ones to raiders…” Y/n shook her head, “It’s a fucking disgusting business.”

Joel almost grimaced, resting against the railing. How the hell was he supposed to answer now?

“I’ve been on both sides,” he admitted, “It was a long time ago, we did what we needed to survive.”

“You and Tess?” Ellie asked.

“And the people we were with,” Joel continued, not knowing which bit of what he was about to say would affect Y/n more, “My brother, too.”

Y/n was braced against the railing, gripping the bar so tight she knew her knuckles were white. Joel was different now, a completely transformed man from the one she’d known. She had watched him kill, torture and separate entirely from his heart. But much like when he beat up the FEDRA guard back in the QZ, there was a part of her that didn’t want to believe the man she’d loved was fully gone.

Maybe it was inevitable. Maybe no one could stay pure in a world of bloodshed.

“Did you kill innocent people?”

Ellie’s question gave Y/n the burst of energy she needed to get up the next flight of stairs and she fled the conversation

The thing about knowing someone better than you know yourself is that the connection is forever. No matter how many changes either person goes through, no matter how much life beats them down and time rusts them…there are inherent pieces of their personality that remain the same. In each footstep that carried Y/n up the stairs, Joel felt the shame of his past choices ache a little more inside his soul. Somewhere, six layers underneath her bitterness, lay the heart of a woman who wouldn’t naturally hurt a fly. And here he was, having undergone a hideous transformation that could have given fairytales a run for their money.

If Y/n was a gentle sweep of rain, Joel was a hurricane, bringing death and destruction wherever he went.

“C’mon,” he said to Ellie, the only answer he could manage.

They climbed a little longer before Joel called out to Y/n, one flight above them. “Stop.”

Y/n paused, reluctantly descending to meet them where they were. Joel opened the door to their designated floor, out of breath and willpower.

“Holy shit,” Ellie breathed, short on oxygen, but better than Y/n or Joel.

Joel backed up against the wall, sliding down to the floor in exhaustion. “Yeah.”

“Thirty three floors,” Ellie continued cheerily, “That’s good.”

Y/n was bent over, bracing herself against her knees as she tried to catch her breath.

“It’s gonna have to be,” Joel panted.

Ellie extended a hand to him, “Come on.”

“Gimme a minute,” he complained, he wasn’t even sure he could move.

Ellie wasn’t having any of it, she knew what would motivate Joel. “Get up, you lazy ass.”

Y/n snorted, earning a glare from Joel. She didn’t shy away from staring back at him.

Joel reached up and took Ellie’s outstretched palm, “Lazy ass,” he grumbled, walking past both girls, “Fifty six years old, you little shit.”

Ellie laughed, Y/n patting her on the back as she walked past.

Joel grabbed a fire extinguisher from the wall and rammed it into the glass door of one of the apartments. He let Y/n and Ellie in first before entering himself.

“Oh, sweet,” Ellie exclaimed, dropping her backpack in the middle of the room, “There’s a couch.”

“Hallelujah,” Y/n replied, setting her bag down as well, while Ellie began rounding up the cushions.

Joel pulled out a drawer form one of the cabinets, carefully collecting the glass shards he’d created and shaking them across the floor. Y/n acknowledged it was a good idea, a makeshift alarm system, while she helped Ellie build their beds.

“Joel,” Ellie called, confused as to what she was watching. He didn’t reply. “Joel…”

Y/n spoke up, “Joel.”

He turned quickly, “What?”

“What are you doing?” Ellie asked.

“I don’t want someone sneakin’ up on us while we’re sleepin’,” he explained.

“Oh,” Ellie elongated, “I get it. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Are you sure you’re gonna hear it?”

“Of course I’ll hear it,” Joel replied, impatiently, “That’s the damn point.”

“Okay,” Ellie said, laying down on her couch cushion bed.

The dilemma Y/n faced was simple: two beds, three people. The easiest thing was to share with Ellie, which she was on her way to do when Ellie starfished, blocking any extra room she had.

“Come on,” Y/n urged, nudging the bottom cushion with her boot, “I’m exhausted.”

“There’s a perfectly good bed over there,” she nodded towards Joel’s section of the floor.

The ex-lover’s eyes met, panic in their gazes.

“Absolutely not,” Y/n stated, turning back to Ellie.

“Why?” Ellie replied, faux innocence in her tone and a smirk on her face, “Shouldn’t be a problem if you two are getting along.”

Every part of Y/n’s body wanted to jump through the apartment’s window and take her chances leaping to her death. Anything was preferable to sharing a bed with Joel again.

Joel felt the same way, he didn’t need to feel any more confused around Y/n than he already was. Laying beside her again would just be another punishment from some higher power.

“I’ll take the floor,” Joel reluctantly offered.

“What, so we have to listen to you complain about your back all day?” Y/n replied, “No, I’ll take the floor.”

“You’re gonna be fuckin’ miserable if you do,” Joel brought up, “And you’ll slow us down.”

Y/n paused, taking a deep breath, trying to get over herself enough to realize Joel was right. They both needed rest.

“Fine,” she conceded, “Back to back.”

Joel nodded, the two of them kneeling down beside the cushions and balling up their jackets.

It was an awkawrd dance, trying to maneuver themselves onto the narrow bed without touching too much. Y/n had to wiggle around, clinging to the edge of the cushion so she wouldn’t fall off. Inevitably, the entirety of their bodies ended up pressed together like magazine pages. Twenty years ago, it was the moment where one of them would flip over and wrap their arms around the other as they drifted off to sleep. Now, they lay stiff as boards, trying not to set off any memories or sensations.

“Well, goodnight,” Ellie said, comfortably curled up in a ball.

“Yeah, goodnight,” Joel grunted.

“Goodnight,” Y/n was facing Ellie and her smirk, “You little shit.”

Joel shut his eyes, trying to force himself to fall asleep quickly. But there was an unfinished part of his day that he couldn’t let go of.

“Ellie,” he called.

“Yeah?”

“When we were talkin’ about hurtin’ people,” he recalled, “What did you mean it wasn’t your first time?”

Ellie stiffened, rolling over onto her back, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Y/n watched the girl’s countenance change, for as much as they’d gotten to know each other the last few weeks, they didn’t actually know anything. There was blood on both their hands and Ellie wanted the dark of night to hide hers. Y/n couldn’t blame her.

“All right,” Joel conceded, only for a second, before rolling over on his other side. Y/n could feel him shift and knew he was trying to face Ellie. She flipped onto her back so he could see across the room.

“You don’t have to,” Joel continued, trying to keep his body as compact as possible, “Just sayin’…it isn’t fair, your age…havin’ to deal with all this.”

Y/n tried to steady her inhale, Joel’s warm breath fanned over her face, setting her nerve endings alight. The window idea was looking better and better…

Ellie turned her head to face the adults, “So it gets easier when you get older?”

“It never gets easier,” Y/n spoke up, attempting to release some of the pressure inside her from her own sins, “It just…you shouldn’t have to deal with this stuff yet.”

Joel’s eyes traveled over Y/n’s face, seeing all the pieces of her he couldn’t recognize. There were two decades of her life he had been absent for. Just as he carried stories and scars earned over time, she did too. It still hurt to see her hurt.

“The reason I asked whether you’d hear the glass or not,” Ellie flipped over to face Joel and Y/n, “Is ‘cause I’ve noticed you don’t hear too well from your right side. Is it cause you were shot there?”

Y/n twisted her head to get a look at Joel’s ear. She’s gathered enough information to make an educated guess, but years of fighting had taught her that it took more than one bullet to take out someone’s hearing.

Joel glanced down at Y/n, their breaths mingling in the small space left between them. It would have been so easy to lean down, or even just touch her cheek. Such intimacies belonged in their past life, but Joel could feel his resolve slipping with each second he spent in bed with her.

Y/n felt the draw too. She felt weak for admitting that through her anger, she was still as drawn to Joel as she had been the night they’d met. He may have changed in every way conceivable, but with the small taste she was getting of his body, she knew his firm frame was the same as she remembered. Something about that tortured Y/n more than if he’d completely transformed.

They were wading in dangerous waters.

“Probably more from shootin’,” Joel answered, swallowing hard and turning back over on his side, “So if you wanna keep your hearin’, you stick to that knife.”

The action of moving brought Y/n out of whatever trance she’d been in. She felt fucking weak, feeling any sort of attraction to the man who’d broken her heart. Rolling back onto her side, she shut her eyes and tried to calm her body down.

“Joel,” Ellie said softly, “Y/n.”

They answered at the same time, “Hm?”

“Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?”

Y/n carefully moved the sleeve of her jacket to block her twitching mouth.

Joel barely turned over, “What?”

“Yeah,” Ellie replied, “It runs in your jeans.”

He twisted to get a look at Ellie, who was smirking at them both, and fell back onto his side.

Y/n was desperately trying to contain her giggling, practically holding her breath.

Facing away from them, Joel smirked and muttered something to himself. A whisper of a chortle escaped him. “That is so damn stupid,” he admonished.

“You laughed, motherfucker,” Ellie giggled.

“I didn’t laugh,” Joel shot back.

“Yes, you did,” Ellie replied.

“I’m losin’ it.”

“You’re losin’ it big time,” Ellie grinned.

Y/n snorted, unable to hold it in any longer.

“I knew it would work again,” Ellie exclaimed, lording the two-time award winning joke over Y/n’s head. It was the only one in the book that got her to crack.

“It’s so fucking stupid,” Y/n laughed, digging her entire face into her jacket.

All it took was hearing the sweet melody again, and Joel was pushed over the edge. He had been on pins and needles since meeting her again, naturally waiting to hear Y/n laugh again. In their life, circumstances didn’t occur often that gave you the opportunity to find humor. He’d accepted he may never hear it again. And now, with her back shaking against his, he couldn’t stop himself from joining in.

As soon as Joel’s shakes being to reverberate off her body, Y/n felt a wave of grief and relief come over her. To hear his giggles, a sound only she’d ever been privy to, felt like coming home after a long day. She wanted to fight it, to rage against all pleasant memories of him, but she wanted a moment of peace more. She wanted to laugh.

Ellie was the loudest of them all, reigning victorious over Joel and Y/n’s stubbornness. It was so needed after the day they’d had.

“Go to sleep,” Joel said, his chuckle contradicting his order.

“You go to sleep,” Ellie laughed, rolling on her bed.

“Both of you go to sleep,” Y/n snorted, her voice lighting up the darkest parts of Joel.

There were two more rounds of giggling, one started by Ellie and one by Y/n. Joel couldn’t stop from joining both. It was the first moment of joy, true joy, that he’d felt in twenty years.

——————

At some point in their sleep, Y/n and Joel inevitably turned over. Y/n had been keeping her hands close to her chest, cradling the injured one. And somewhere in the timeline of the evening, Joel had unconsciously reached over and placed one of his hands over them both. How he blindly found it, how he knew she was trying to protect it, those answers belonged to the blanket of night. But Joel’s fingers wrapped around her bloody fist, protecting her even in his sleep.

He had also rolled over on his good ear.

“Y/n…Y/n.”

Y/n jumped at the call of her name, looking down at her and Joel’s intertwined hands and pulling back. She twisted onto her back, jumping back at the sight of the child standing over her, pointing a gun at them. Her peripheral vision caught Ellie with her hands up in surrender and a man with his own weapon aimed at her.

“Joel,” Y/n raised her hands, kicking her ex in the shin, “Joel!”

He startled awake.

——————

TYL Taglist: @bachiracore @stolenxkissess @kayleezra @the-wistful-reader @allthesesonsofbitches @goth-detectives365 @trippovert @rh1nestonecowg1rl @emiliaserpe @khaleesihavilliard @frietiemeloen @gracie7209 @dorck26 @thegirlnextdoorssister @alanis-altair @mariwinns16 @whosscruffylooking @endofthexline @alexiaricciardo @eonnyx @pedrosmexicangf @scarlettequinn @ao-sleepy @toinfinityandbeyonce2 @deanlovescassie @turmoil-ash @sorrowjunky @kpopslur @xxlilyxx90 @midgetpottermills @presidential-facts @scoopsnini @tubble-wubble @jamesdeerest @burninggracesandbridges @star-wars-lover @lucyhotchner @cococola-cocaine @witheringhqarts @fall-writes @alwaysdjarin @xxmoonn @emilia-the-artist @wand-erer5 @boneyarrd @lizard-zombie @itwasallinmyhead1 @cassidylea123 @paleepeaches @mxltifxnd0m @kettlekatie @ultimate-cinephile @gloryekaterina @caramelkatsukis-bitch @whovianayesha @memeorydotcom @deadunicorn159 @get0ut0fmyr00m @siriuslymooned @emmyeed @superbreadsoul @hellu-people1 @ourautumn86 @inas-thing @noraapple05 @givemylovetoall @luvwanda @avengersfan25 @pedr0swh0r3 (tags cont. in comments)

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #the last of us imagine #the last of us fanfic #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us spoilers #twenty years later

[munsonhoneybaby]

Harrington's Party | Eddie Munson X F!Reader

Summary: You seek Eddie out to buy weed at a party only to realize you'd accidentally spent your $20 earlier.

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: 18+ mdni, kinda naive/bimbo!reader, drug dealing (marijuana), smut, oral/facefucking (m receiving), cum swapping, little bit of cock worship, slightest bit of degradation, praise kink, fingering, steve hears you guys literally fucking in his bed

A/N: this went so different than i expected it to in so many ways

“Eddie Munson, just the guy I was looking to find!”

The voice calling his name pulled his attention from the solo cup he was filling with punch, which was definitely more alcohol than punch. Turning around, he was surprised to find you with an eager look in your eyes. Your voice edged towards a shout so he could hear you over the music and conversations surrounding you. “I need to talk to you, come with me.” Holding onto his sleeve, you led him through the crowd and up a flight of stairs. It wasn't until you reached a quiet hallway that led to Steve's bedroom that he could finally speak.

As your hand met the doorknob, he lightly tugged his wrist from your grasp and held up a hand with a small laugh. “Alright, as much as I don’t wanna question the pretty girl dragging me into a bedroom at someone’s party– you’ve never gone out of your way to talk to me before. Are you trying to buy or something?”

“Ding ding ding,” You sang, opening the door, flipping on the light, and ushering him inside. “I wanted to buy weed, heard you’re the guy to ask.”

“I am if you want good product for a good price,” He shrugged, and then the only sound was the muffled thumping of the music downstairs while he took in his surroundings. There were framed photos of Steve and his friends and his family and you. Basketball trophies lined a few shelves. The room was clean except for a few items of clothing strewn about. Sitting on the edge of the bed he shook his head slightly, “God, this is some crazy shit.”

“What?” You frowned slightly, kicking off your shoes and sitting beside him.

“Selling you weed in Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington’s bedroom. I thought it was weird just coming to one of his parties, but I figured I could at least make a few sales.” He gave a flourishing gesture towards you; “I was not mistaken. Although, I definitely didn’t expect you to be one of them.”

You laid back on the bed. “Oh, I guess I’m just used to it at this point– being in Steve’s room, not buying drugs in it. It’s not a big deal though, he’s really kind of a dork.”

Eddie’s eyes raked over your bare legs distractedly, the hem of your dress settled just above mid-thigh and the material fitting just right to your body. “So, you’re in Harrington’s bed a lot, huh? I didn’t know you two were…”

He watched you toy with the necklace you were wearing, rambling every time your mouth opened. “Oh, no, we’re not together or anything. I mean, we’ve hooked up a few times but we’re just good friends, y’know?” 

No, honestly, he didn’t know. He’d never had a ‘good friend’ who he casually had sex with, but frankly, he’d never had a ‘good friend’ who looked like you or Steve Harrington. So, he just nodded and moved on. “How much were you looking to buy?”

“How much could I get for a twenty? That’s all I’ve got right now.”

“That’ll get you half an ounce,” He answered as he leaned down to grab the black tin lunchbox he carried around.

“Sweet.” Grabbing your purse, you rustled through it for your wallet which you popped open. You frowned when the twenty-dollar bill you knew had been in there was nowhere to be found. Then it hit you, your palm meeting your forehead with a muted smack. “Fuck! I gave Steve my twenty to get the kegs!”

Eddie heaved a falsely exasperated sigh but his expression was politely amused. “I’m always one to bargain, but I can’t just go around givin' away something for nothing, can I?" Prepared to leave, he pushed off the bed and stood up. "No big deal, I guess you’ll have to find me some other time.”

Whining, you kneeled at the edge of the bed so you could reach far enough to grab his wrist and stop him. “Eddie, no, wait! I really wanna smoke tonight, please? And I swore I’d bring stuff to this sleepover I’m having with some friends tomorrow, I need it!”

If someone had told him this morning that he’d wind up in Steve Harrington’s bedroom at a party with you begging on your knees before him, he’d have laughed in their face. “I feel for you, sweetheart, I really do. But I’m kinda running a business and, as cute as that little pouty lip you’ve got goin’ is, I can’t go doing favors for any pretty girl who bats her eyes at me.” 

“What if I did more than bat my eyes?” You shifted to hold his hand in both of yours, urging him slightly closer as you looked up at him coyly.

He let out a small, surprised laugh. “Not that your offer isn’t tempting, but I don’t normally do deals like that. Besides, you, me, and the rest of the student body all know you wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole.” The expression you took on almost looked offended, although he wasn’t entirely sure why.

“If the offer’s tempting then take it, Munson. You said you’re always one to bargain, right?” One of your hands moved from his arm to the front of his shirt, fiddling with the fabric and looking up at him. “I’ll make sure to give you your money’s worth, I promise.”

His voice was a tad shaky as he watched your hand and its movements like a hawk, “I don’t doubt that. I just uh- just don’t wanna take advantage of you, you know?”

You practically giggled, fingers bypassing his t-shirt and nails scratching lightly through the trail of hair you found leading into his jeans. “You’re not takin’ advantage of me, silly, I'm offering! I get weed and you get to cum, it’s a win-win situation!” Just the feeling of your hands on his bare skin had him distracted enough to delay his response, though he’d opened his mouth to do so. What you thought was hesitation on his face had you drawing your hands back and looking down at your lap in extreme embarrassment. You’d gotten ahead of yourself. “U-Unless you don’t want me to– which is obviously okay of course, I mean I-I’m definitely not your type and that’s totally fair, I’m really sorry, I’m sure there’s somebody else here I can get stuff from–”

Eddie was quick to cut you off, grabbing your hands and sitting beside you as he uttered your name. His voice sounded serious but his eyes held humor when you looked into them. He was shocked to find yours welling with tears; though, to your credit, none spilled over. “I’ve been hard since I saw you were taking me to a bedroom. Trust me, sweetheart, it doesn’t take a business proposal for me to want you. But I don’t want you to think I’m expecting it from you or something, okay? We both know how people talk about you and you don’t deserve that, I don’t think those things about you.”

“You don’t think I’m a s-slut?” 

He couldn’t decide if the little sniffle that followed your words broke his heart or melted it. “Of course not, I-I think you’re…excitable…and emotional and guys take advantage of that.”

Although you’d been hurt or made insecure by the way people treated you, you’d never considered it as ‘taking advantage’ before. He was right; you were an eager and highly strung person, so it wasn’t all that surprising that when a guy showed interest in you, you were happy to make them happy. You’d put out, they’d disappoint you by leaving after, and you’d get over it. But people talk and in a small public high school, ‘eager’ equates to ‘easy’ and ‘easy’ sparks a reputation. 

Nobody really seemed to understand that, at least they never specifically acknowledged it, until now. Until Eddie. Your gaze was full of surprise and what looked like admiration as you looked at him, nodding rapidly. “Yeah, th-they do!”

Despite your reputation, you were generally well-liked by most people at Hawkins High. Even with your status as one of the ‘popular’ students, you’d always been polite to those who were less socially fortunate than you, including Eddie and his friends. It made him develop a sort of soft spot for you, especially as he had a few conversations with you over time and realized how genuinely sweet and sensitive you were. He could only ask to copy your notes or borrow a pencil so many times though.

Leaning your head against his shoulder, you wrapped both your arms around one of his. “Y’know, I’m going back on my word here–” He drawled, “But if you swear to pay me back within the next few days, I can give you the weed tonight. Just don't tell anyone, 'cause then everybody'll think they deserve free shit.”

“Oh, Eddie, I can’t do that! You can’t just give it to me!”

Chuckling, he playfully patted your head. “Kind of you to be so concerned, honey, but I can survive a couple days twenty dollars short.” Still, you toyed with his rings with one hand while the other nervously moved to squeeze at his thigh. “Sweetheart, really, you don’t have to do that.”

“But…I-I want to…” You admit somewhat abashedly. Even sitting down, Eddie felt like his knees went weak. It was incomprehensible how your eyes managed to look so innocent, even as you told him, “I wanna suck your cock, Eddie. Can I? Pretty please?” God, he could’ve come in his pants then and there.

“Jesus, there’s no way in hell you’re actually asking to blow me right now,” He muttered incredulously. Your fingers grazed the hardness in his jeans and he blew out a sharp breath. “You seriously want it? Fuck, can you say it again?”

Pouting, you tugged at his hand and scooted even closer to him, “Pleeease?” You bit down on your lip and excitedly palmed at his length. “I wanna make you feel good, Eddie. Can I?”

He had to fight to keep his eyes from rolling back in his head. “Shit okay, honey. Uh–” Dragging a hand down his face, he did his best to regain his composure within half a second while you were already dropping to your knees in front of him. Instantly going for his belt buckle, you refrained from commenting on the handcuff design.

As he watched you, he forcefully yanked off the red and black flannel he’d been wearing unbuttoned over his Hellfire shirt; you hadn’t even gotten his cock out yet and he already felt like his entire body was on fire. Although he would never admit it to you, he’d been dreaming of this since sophomore year. His hips lifted from the bed long enough for you to draw his jeans and checkered boxers down his thighs. Unrestrained, his dick twitched against his stomach, the sight making you let out a moan that only excited him further. “Stick your tongue out for me, sweetheart,” He cooed as his ringed hand began fisting his cock. Doing as he said, your eyes widened when he slapped the head against your tongue a few times. He noticed your hips rocking, seeking friction against something that wasn’t there. “Poor baby, so needy, huh? ‘S gonna be okay, don’t worry, princess.” 

You guided him further into your mouth, his hand cradling the back of your head. The look in his eyes was absolutely awe-inspired; you’d think he was in love if you didn’t know any better. Taking more of him with every bob of your head, your manicured nails dragged lightly from his hips down his thighs. When your hand moved to massage his balls while your tongue stroked over the head of his cock, he whimpered and clutched tighter at your hair. He wanted to protest when the heat of your mouth left him, but your hand took over stroking his length so you could speak. “Your cock is fucking perfect, Eddie,” You sighed. Your eyes looked almost glossed over as you gazed up at him, seeming unreasonably content; touch sweeping from his happy trail to the suitably grown-out patch of hair at his base. “So pretty.”

“Think so, baby?” He grunted breathlessly. “Gotta say, I‘ve never heard that one before.” You took him by surprise then, dipping your head to lave your tongue slowly over his balls before taking one in your mouth. “Dear mother of God, you’re actually going to kill me.”

Admittedly completely cockdrunk by this point, your voice was an airy hum coming from wet, swollen lips. “Can’t help it, you taste s’good. Want you to fuck my throat, Eddie, please? Wanna make you come.”

“You’re a fucking dream, you know that, sweetheart?” He cupped your jaw, thumb soothingly rubbing your cheek. “Go on, open wide for me, hm? Good girl.” Breathing deeply through your nose, you tried your best to relax your throat as he eased his way into it. “Fucking shit, baby, that’s amazing. Taking me so well.” Hand carefully wrapped around your neck, he could feel the way he filled your throat. “Pinch my thigh if it’s too much and I’ll stop, promise.”

Starting off slowly, he used his grip on your hair to control the movements of your head. Soon, though, the sloppy, depraved sounds of you sucking him off had his hips rutting forward desperately. His palms cradled your face as he fucked into your mouth, grunts and curses rolling off his tongue every other breath. Drool leaked from the corners of your mouth, soaking his cock and dripping down your chin. Tears spilled down your cheeks in mascara-tainted tracks that he continually wiped away with his thumbs. He’d be concerned if it weren’t for your garbled moans and the way you still tried hopelessly to grind down against the carpet.

“Look how fuckin’ messy you are, princess. Look so pretty. So good, so fucking good oh my god. Gotta tell me where to come.” When he attempted to pull out to let you speak, you just braced your hands against the back of his thighs to keep him from doing so. “Mmm, wanna taste it, baby? M’kay, I’ll give it to you. Fill up that filthy mouth.” His shirt lifted as your hands wandered beneath it to graze up and down his sides. The thrusts of his hips stuttered as he finished, pulling out afterward to stroke his cock into your open mouth a few times. 

Before you managed to swallow, he was pulling you to his lap and slamming his lips to yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth. It was the filthiest kiss you’d ever experienced, some of his come sneaking from your mouths to smear against both his chin and yours. Long and debauched, it left you both panting for air, heavy breaths being the only sound as you both wiped your mouths and met each other’s eyes. Becoming aware of the feeling of your underwear, drenched and clinging to you uncomfortably, you look down embarrassedly. 

Eddie’s finger hooks beneath your chin, returning your gaze to him. “You okay, sweetheart? Was I too much?”

“No, no,” You shook your head quickly. “No, I-I liked it. I liked all of it, don’t worry.”

“O-kayyy,” He drawled playfully, rubbing his hands up and down your thighs. “What’s the problem then, huh? What’s got you all shy?”

“I just… I r-really liked it…”

He did his best to suppress the smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. “Oh yeah? Did lettin’ me fuck that sweet mouth of yours get you all worked up?” You nodded sheepishly and he flashed you a pretty smile. “That’s okay, baby. You know–” His teeth grazed your ear, making you shudder pleasantly as his voice dropped to a whisper, “You’ve still got me pretty worked up, too.” And you could feel the proof that that statement was true, hot and hard against your inner thigh even after coming just minutes ago.

“Eddie…?” You began hesitantly. “Will- Can you fuck me…please? I-I know I was just supposed to get weed, but I want you so bad ‘n you’re still hard so I thought maybe you’d wanna, but–” As usual, you got more flustered as you spoke, a nervous whine slowly creeping into your tone. 

“Hey, I'm gonna take care'a you, honey.” His thumb stroked the apex of your thigh before teasing the edge of your underwear, humming delightedly at what he found. “You did really like it, huh? Your panties are totally ruined, baby.” The hot, open-mouthed kisses trailed down your neck had your jaw going slack and your hips rocking absentmindedly towards his hand. “Poor baby, so horny you don’t even know what to do with yourself. You always get so wet, or is this just for me?”

Your head was supported by his hand as it lolled to the side, giving him plenty of room to suck bruises into your sensitive skin. “Jus’ you, Eddie,” You insisted.

The hum he gave in response sounded indifferent, he simply pulled back and traced a thumb over the marks he’d left, surveying them with a satisfied smile. You giggled out a quiet ‘what’re you doing?’ and he said, “Admiring my masterpiece.” 

 Your body warmed at the thought. “Masterpiece, huh?” His masterpiece.

“Oh yeah, princess. Total work-of-art, magnum-opus type shit. It’d make a real pretty picture if I had a camera.” You had yet to come up with a response when he pushed two fingers past the lace of your underwear to slide through your wet folds, quickly finding your clit. He circled it a few times before easing his middle finger into you. The cries you let out had him adding a second shortly after. “I’m just making a big ol’ mess of you tonight, aren’t I? Covered in spit and cum and hickeys and I haven’t even been inside you yet, honey. Gonna fuckin’ ruin you.”

And he was right. Without even fucking you, he’d already ruined every other man for you. “Please, don’t wanna wait anymore. Jus’ hurry up, need to feel you.”

Wiping his hand off on his jeans briefly, he smeared your slick across the denim. “Shhh, relax. I’m going to, don’t worry. Let’s get you outta this dress first though, ‘kay?” You didn’t hesitate to push the straps from your shoulders, shivering at the way Eddie’s fingers danced along your spine as he unzipped it. As soon as the zipper reached its end, you were yanking the garment off, chest almost level with his face from your arms raising over your head. Finding you braless, his lips wrapped around one of your nipples before your dress had even hit the floor. You moaned, winding your fingers into his hair as he mouthed hungrily at your chest. “Fuck, such gorgeous tits. Should’a let me fuck these instead of your mouth.”

“Next time, Eddie.” You whined impatiently, lifting his shirt until he aided you by pulling it over his head himself. 

With a smug expression, he mused, “So there’s gonna be a next time?”

“Only if you want, but there has to be a first time for there to be a next time so please–”

Your words came out in a rush and he interrupted you with a laugh. “Alright, alright, let me get my fuckin’ pants the rest of the way off.” You climbed off his lap so he could completely undress. The flawless view he got of your ass while you crawled towards the nightstand had him biting back a groan. Watching you open the drawer, however, reminded him that not only were you doing this in Steve Harrington’s bed, but you knew where his condoms were.

Of course, he had no right to feel possessive, so he held his tongue and laid back on the bed. Palming your ass with one hand, he took the condom from you with the other. A finger hooked around your lacy thong, dragging the sullied material down your legs until he could toss it on the floor. “C’mere, baby.” The contented smile on your face was endearing and sweet, even as you straddled him and leaned down until your bare chests were pressed together. His hands soothed along your back and sides as you kissed lazily for a moment, you toying with a strand of his hair. As soon as you pulled away, you heard the foil of the condom wrapper being torn open behind you, knuckles and rings brushing your skin as he rolled it on. “You sure you want me?”

“Need you, Eddie.”

He quickly rolled the two of you, his now-frizzy curls falling around your face as he hovered over you. “Just wanted to hear it one more time, sweetheart.” Your nails dug into his back as he teased your opening with the head of his cock, but he didn’t seem to mind. He leaned down to kiss you again as he slowly filled you and you could feel the guitar pick that always hung from his neck pressing into your skin. The rasp of his voice when he spoke had you trembling beneath him. “Pussy feels so fuckin’ good, baby. All wet and tight for me.”

“You’re so big,” You whined, arms and legs around him to keep him close. “It’s so good.”

“Yeah? You like this dick, baby?”

“Mmhm,” You prattled only semi-coherently, “Best dick ‘ve ever had– want more.”

The tilt of his hips changed, forcing him even deeper inside of you. “God, princess, you sure know how to stroke a guy’s ego.” Every thrust had you whimpering, the sounds of his skin meeting yours filling the room. “Hear how wet you are? Cunt’s just suckin’ me back in. Can’t get enough, huh? Takin’ it so well, sweetheart. Makin’ such a mess.”

A sudden banging on the door made you jump, Eddie’s arms drawing you closer to his chest protectively. Until Steve Harrington shouted your name from the other side. “SERIOUSLY, IN MY ROOM? YOU BETTER NOT BE IN THERE RUINING MY BED WITH SOME NASTY FUCKING FRAT BOY!”

You wanted to respond, call back an apology maybe, but when you opened your mouth Eddie gave you a deep, forceful thrust that had you squealing instead. Steve grumbled something and you could all but see him rolling his eyes and shaking his head before he evidently went back to the party. 

“Just wait til he finds out who you’ve really got back here,” Eddie purred against your ear. “You think Steve’d rather you have a frat boy in here, hm? ‘Stead of the drug dealing loser making you drip all over his expensive comforter.” Calloused fingertips circled your clit, making you clench around him in a way that had him choking out a few profanities. You tucked your head into the crook of his neck, breathing in the scent of weed, sweat, and faded cologne. “No, no, no, don’t hide from me. Lemme see that pretty face, baby.” He grasped a handful of your hair, yanking just hard enough to make you yelp as you looked up at him. 

“Fuck, Eddie, you’re gonna make me come,” You confessed meekly. Although you had come with a few other guys before, you’d always assisted them pretty heavily in getting you there. But Eddie? He was effortlessly reducing you to a quivering mess under him. You’d always been intrigued by him from a distance, but his demeanor had you aching for him the second you were alone with him. Now, he was giving you the greatest orgasm you’d ever had. You were starting to think the rest of Hawkins was right when they called him a freak.

“Does it feel good, sweetheart?” He crooned, sounding mockingly doting. “I bet it does. ‘S not too much, is it? You can take it, right?”

Your words were coming out faster than you could form them as you nodded frantically. “Yes, yes, please keep going, I can take it! Please, please don’t stop!”

His lips brushed yours, “Shhh, I’m not gonna stop. It’s okay, I wanna feel you come for me.”

The way you held each other was far too intimate for what the situation was. Your legs were hitched around his hips, one arm around his neck while the opposite hand pressed between his shoulder blades. The fingers previously rubbing your clit were now firmly gripping your ass, letting him grind into you, filling you to the brim. That patch of hair above his cock kept up the friction on your clit in the most perfectly overstimulating way. Your moans were already constant and incoherent as it was, but when he pressed down on your lower stomach you let out a full-blown sob of pleasure. “I know, honey, just let it go. You can do it.”

With his arms tight around you, your body arched into his and you let out a breathless cry of his name. Once again, you looked up at him with an amazement that he couldn’t understand; but, fuck, if it didn’t make him feel like he was on top of the world. You looked at him in a way that nobody else ever really had before, and maybe his imagination was over-embellishing it but he didn’t care, he was already filling the condom. It was his turn to bury his face in your shoulder as he groaned and slowly ground into you until he was too overstimulated to continue– not that that took long considering it was already his second time coming.

You both laid there for a moment, Eddie panting into your shoulder while you coiled one of his curls around your finger. When he slowly pulled out, you whimpered quietly and squeezed your legs together to fight the empty sensation. He had to fight back a laugh when he tied off the condom and threw it away in Steve’s trashcan. You watched him tug on his boxers before sitting beside you, apprehensively running his hand down your bare back. He wasn’t sure how far he was allowed to take this; he’d had one-night-stands before, but those hadn’t felt like this. He couldn’t just leave you there alone though.

His fears were assuaged when you curled into his lap, nuzzling your head against his thigh with a satisfied-sounding sigh. Still, he soothed his thumb across your cheek, looking down at you. “You doin’ okay, sweetheart?”

“Mmhm,” You smiled, sitting up to settle yourself completely in his lap. Your arms draped loosely around his shoulders as you leaned into his chest, “‘M really good, Eddie.” He just took you in for a moment: the blissed out look on your face, your ruined makeup, the hickeys lining your neck, the mess still between your legs. Abruptly, you groaned, making his gaze move back to your face in concern. “I don’t wanna put my dress back on,” You complained.

“Well, unless you plan on sticking around to see Steve’s reaction to the stain you left on his bed–” He teased, “We should probably get dressed and get outta here.”

“Together…?”

“Right, uh- one of us can leave a few minutes before the other if you want, I didn’t know if you were worried people might–”

“I want you to take me home, Eddie,” You interrupted with a pout as you fiddled with his necklace. 

“Done.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader smut #eddie munson x f! reader #eddie munson x f!reader smut #my fics #18+ mdni

[szollibisz]

Do you have any hcs abt how Curt and Owen "came out" to one another? (Using the term loosely cuz obviously they can't just be like "IM GAY") And also how they got together (who fell first etc etc)

Ok, so to preface this, my favourite thing about curtwen is just how many ways you can interpret their pre-canon relationship.

I try to keep their story relatively loose in my head, save for a few headcanons I very strongly believe in, because it's more fun this way.

For me, the #1 headcanon that's in all the iterations I think of, is that they hated each other at first. I think their personalities clash way too much for them to be all buddy-buddy on the first day. (Physical attraction? maybe. Was it minuscule compared to their irritation with each other? yes.)

I just think it's interesting how the two of them gradually (and begrudgingly) start to care about each other.

I think their "friendship stage" is one of my favourite parts about the whole thing. Now I refuse to believe either of those men have friends. Maybe coworkers and acquaintances, but not friends. Which is why this stage lasts so little.

As their work their way up to care for and respect each other, both of them go a little crazy about it.

It's the first time in years or even decades they felt genuine affection and maybe even trust, and both of them are extremely starved for it. So it really doesn't take much for them to fall for each other. (especially since the aforementioned physical attraction was always there and only getting stronger as they learned to tolerate each other)

I imagine, because of this, Owen was the one who fell first, and he employed his usual tactic for dealing with unwanted feelings: Being an ass and depriving himself of good things. He got more intense about his work, trying to immerse himself in it, so he'll stop thinking about Curt. He stayed up late, didn't even try to take it easy when he had a migraine, drank shit coffee and other great things.

It technically worked. He looked like shit, which in turn made Curt worried, and if Owen completely invalidated his worries the two of them would get into a fight, be mad at each other and not interact so much. Owen thought this would make him not yearn for Curt so bad (he still did, in fact, yearn for him that bad)

When Curt realized he was in love with Owen he was pretty horrified. Like listen. If someone has commitment issues it's Curt. Maybe he had a boyfriend or two during his teenage years/twenties, but they didn't end well, and since then he's been trying to keep everybody at arms length. He convinced himself Owen wasn't so bad because hey. They were just buddies (and Curt desperately needed a buddy.)

He tried to shove down and ignore his feelings, but moaning your friend's name while banging another guy may just be a little more than what you can avoid.

He never understood why Owen turned so cold suddenly, and he was terrified Owen just didn't like or trust him anymore. In turn he was also mad at him for trying to shut him out.

Their little hate renaissance could only last so long though. They were still each other's only friends and no matter what they did they kept being drawn back to each other.

This was a super long preface but. I am not normal about those two.

So. different scenarios and headcanons and whatnot

1. Either one of them somehow discovers the other is gay. This would probably mean Owen finding out about Curt, because, I wholeheartedly believe that man would leave during a mission sometimes just to get a quick fuck in. Maybe Owen finds out with evidence (fast & easy method) or he just starts strongly suspecting with his great spying and deduction skills (slow & torturous method, he'd try to convince himself he's just seeing what he wants to see) either way, the confrontation would be very uncomfortable for both of them. Curt would deny it ofc, and Owen would go through the internal battle of "tell him it's fine, you won't rat him out, but be a little homophobic about it, so maybe you can keep the only friend you have, but also be ok with the fact that he'll always be with other men and never you" or "tell him you're gay too, maybe he likes you, maybe not, and potentially risk losing your job and livelihood and everything you've ever worked for" He'd most likely end up doing the latter, surprising both Curt and himself. (He's already way more into Curt than he admits to himself) And things escalate from there.

2. Dramatic post mission (maybe a "I thought I'd never see you again" moment) This is where their friendship gets really interesting to me. For a scenario like this the months long yearning is a given, maybe even a lot of unresolved tension between the two (which would probably be resolved with violence anyways) They care very deeply about each other by now. They know each other better than anyone, and their idyllic relationship is only made into a living hell by all the pining. At this point I mean, they'd buy each other birthday gifts, go over to the other's house when they were in the same country and share way too much info over drinks. Their job is always dangerous, but even they can get scared. Maybe we're talking being crazy outnumbered, or a torture/hostage situations, or hell even a collapsing building. Point is, id either one of them thought the other (or both of them) may die, at this point they'd be impulsive enough to just say I love you or kiss the other. In the moment neither of them would care, and later on, when you'd normally talk about things like near death makeout sessions, they'd just. not. do that, because communication is for guys with better life prospects. This one has absolutely no coming-out talk in it, simply because they don't need it

3. Possibly drunk hookup Now clearly, we are talking about two of the most down bad men ever. This is one scenario, I think could also work really well when they still really hated each other. Maybe throughout their first few mission they both gathered enough evidence and sussed each other out, and after (yet another) explosive fight they might just. Alleviate the tension by not beating each other up but by. other means. They don't end up talking much about it, but it keeps happening, and wait maybe they don't even hate each other all that much. (This is the more sober option) The other one is where the "possibly drunk" comes in. If they've been friends for a while, they probably got used to working around each other and finding comfort in the other's presence. This includes little habits, inside jokes, and even (very small) physical touches. This probably wouldn't go down during a mission, it's more likely to happen at either Curt's or Owen's house, maybe during some holiday. Both of them realizing it's a pretty bad idea early on, because, without all the stress of the missions and navigating a foreign country all that's left is them and the feelings they have for each other. Owen would probably say no to drinks for the first few times, just to avoid a potentially dangerous situation, but Curt would wear him down eventually. Now, with both of them drunk and comfortable, it wouldn't take much for things to escalate. Maybe Curt forgets to take his hand off of Owen after patting him on the back, or Owen holds Curt gaze for a little too long. Either way, those two end up fucking. The next day both of them are a little horrified, but they manage to come clean about their feelings (even if it's in the most backwards and convoluted way possible)

Happy ending (or not) There's many more ways it could've happened, but I already wrote wayyyy too much I think.

In the end I don't think they'd ever have a proper conversation about homosexuality, even way into their relationship. It's something they slowly pick up on from each other. How ashamed are they, what makes them tick, what you shouldn't say etc. And then of course, since they don't communicate properly and sometimes purposefully hurt each other, they'd throw it all back in the other's face.

I'm not sure this is what you meant when you asked for hcs, but I got carried away.

#spies are forever #tin can bros #saf #owen carvour #agent curt mega #szol's spy rambles #curtwen #tcb #hoooo boy this was very long. sorry #edit: pasted this into word it's 1.4k words. again: sorry

[ryanguzmansource]

📹 • Ryan's podcast appearance for A-Line Podcast (3.11.24)

SUMMARY (IN ORDER OF DISCUSSION)

ON BEING A "SEX SYMBOL": I don't see none of that […] I stay appreciative, I stay grateful for all of it. That's crazy though because I don't see myself like that, you know? [interviewer makes a comment on his level of humility] I've had a lot of humbling things happen to me that past, like, my whole life. Some people, like—I got good people in my corner right now checking me.

ON ACTING: [interviewer asks how long he's been in the profession] Thirteen years now? And it's never something I even thought of, coming from Sac [Sacramento]. Yeah, I was—I was doing, like, modelling in San Fran[cisco], I was doing fighting in Sacramento, and then I think just the environment I was around wasn't offering me any kind of, like, out, and I got caught up, and I was just like "You know what, I'ma do the same shit, I'm gonna get in trouble, I'm gonna end up like all these other individuals I'm around, let me try something new." So I got invited to come out to LA [Los Angeles] and do a photoshoot and that changed my life.

I was modelling and fighting at the same time, and then—because—I just came off one of my last fights [interviewer asks if he won] Nah, I lost. It was a-a belt fight too for the title. [interviewer asks if he was contender or champion] I was the contender. Yeah, I was going against the champ. Yeah, and I was only on my third fight at the time, so I was like, I was coming up real quick and I picked up that fight to be honest because somebody else turned it down and nobody else wanted to fight this guy so they looked at me and I was like, sign me up. Yeah, yeah, but then I came out here and everything changed. I remember getting a call from some, I don't even know the guy no more, but uh, he was talking about some, like, audition or something like that and I'm like, what do you mean, audition? and he goes oh yeah yeah I act, and I'm like "oh, okay, bro, if you can do it you're [indistinguishable] as fuck." [laughter] I gotta try this shit out for sure." And ever since then, man, I booked Step Up and I haven't been—[interviewer asks which movies he was in] Four and five. Yeah, four and five.

ON 9-1-1: [interviewer asks how long it takes for him to learn his lines and what his process is when he receives a new script] 9-1-1, they keep you on your toes because like, literally, we'll get the script the day of or, like, the night before and you don't even know you're working that night so it's just—now, at this point in time, I've been doing it for so long, it's just like—what I do, what helps me out is I read the lines over and over and over and over again until I got the lines on lock, right—[interviewer asks if he writes his lines in order to memorize them] No, I-I used to. So when I—when I came out here and I only had, like, twenty-seven dollars to my name, I could barely afford paper, so I would just take, like, a couple pieces of paper and keep on writing shit over and over again until I got that and then I think it developed something in my brain so that now that I'm looking at this stuff, I'll get the lines down real quick and then, as soon as I get the lines down, I put myself into it. And that's where you get to, like, the flavor, the character, like, all the like, little textures and stuff. Yeah.

ON THE ON-SET ENVIRONMENT: It really is like a little family, you know, we really kick it on-on, uh, and off screen and everything.

ON IF HE STILL GETS NERVOUS WHEN ACTING: I'd take a fight over [walking on set]. I think for me, in anything I've ever done—the more, like, tense I am, the worse I am. You know what I'm saying? So, like, I'm trying my best to just be comfortable and just be me and it's been a process to try and find out who that was at the same time as being an actor. So as I've climbed over the past thirteen years, I've kind of found out my identity, who I am, and feel real stable in who I am, so when I come on a set, it's the same person you'll meet all the time. And then when I'm—when they—when they call action, it's just a flip of the switch to be honest. It's really not like—I can't—I can't think about it too much.

ON METHOD ACTING: [interviewer asks what's the difference between what he does and method acting] Nah, but I did a movie—I did method for, like, so again, I've only done one acting class in my entire life, so I was trying to just learn on the go. I didn't even call myself an actor until, like, three years ago until I had a conversation with Kenny [Kenneth Choi] and Kenny was like, "bro, you got all the things, like, why are you not taking advantage of what you have?" But, uh, I did a Mario Van Peebles movie [Armed (2018)] and I was supposed to play the like, schizo, kind of like, like, crazy individual, all paranoid and everything like that. So I locked myself up in this, like, horrible ass motel, like, you know, prostitution was happening over here, like, we got—we got everything, you know, and I kept myself in that room, and then to further that thing, I hired one of my boys to, uh, be snapping pics of me randomly so, like, it always keep me, like, is somebody looking on me, blah blah blah.

And I couldn't get out the room, the room was hot as fuck, I think it was, like, 110 degrees in that room, um, it was in the middle of the fucking summer, and I just drove myself insane. I drove myself insane and I did this movie. I mean, it didn't come nothing of it but it became the Mario van Peebles show. I didn't realize that going into it but, um, that stuck with me for years. It fucked with me. So I would go around and I remember coming out of that room, actually—it was weird, I came out the room, my two boys took me out to lunch, and I'm-I'm-I'm trying to eat and all I could do was hear everybody's voices and it was so overwhelming I almost started crying, I'm like, oh whoa. So I had to, like, hop in the bathroom, I'm like, and seclude myself so I couldn't hear nobody. And then I finally, like, started to reintegrate myself into the community and then - and then I just went straight to filming. But I learned from that process, like, nah, method ain't for me.

ON HAVING A LIFE OUTSIDE OF ACTING: [interviewer asks how he's able to have a life outside of acting considering both the unpredictability and the rigor inherent to his line of work.] Yeah, you just got to be adaptable. ON GETTING HIRED: [interviewer asks if he sent in an audition tape for 9-1-1] Nah, bro, so it worked out differently for me, I got a straight offer based off an audition I did two months or three months prior. [interviewer asks if they kept his tape] I think so. Yeah, so, what happened was—[interviewer asks what the tape/audition was for] No, it was FOX, something completely different. Yeah, and I don't know, I don't know really the backstory 'cause, to be honest, I-I met up with Tim Minear, and shout out to Tim Minear, he's-he's like the OG of the OGs. Yeah, yeah, shoutout to showrunner, yeah, yeah, yeah, he-he does everything, he put, like, new life into this season for us.

But, um, I only met Ryan Murphy one time, and the only time I met him, actually, I was trying to go to Netflix trying to get my show picked up. I was writing something for, uh, with a-a-a group of people, and I was like "alright, I got this all set up" blah blah blah, you know, and that—there's a certain amount of slots that Netflix will see the people, so I'm sitting down there waiting, everything like that, and I see fourteen individuals come through, Ryan Murphy's leading them, like, I don't know who this man is. And finally someone comes up to me and says, hey, so, Ryan this-this guy actually works for you, and he's like, oh hey nice to meet you, blah blah blah and, like, dips out, and I'm like, fuck I'm not going to get this television show, like they're going to sign with this man" and shortly after, they signed this, like, massive deal and—yeah.

ON WORKING WITH ANGELA BASSETT: "She's probably one of my favorite people I've ever met. [...] It's royalty right there, yeah, it's royalty. The fact that she can go win an Oscar, come back to our show and act like nothing happened? Like, that's who she is.

ON EDDIE'S S3 FIGHT ARC: [interviewer asks if he asked for his background in fighting to be included in 9-1-1] I got a theory about that though, like, I feel like they found out about my fighting and then I kept on coming in with, like, black eyes and like, like, different, like, little, like, you know, yeah, we-we, like, the makeup artist would call it, like, oh, falling down the stairs or what not, so, he's like, "did you fall down the stairs again today?" blah blah blah so I think they just kind of, like, wrote that in. […] I thought I was going to get fired.

ON FIGHTING: Still fighting. Still trying to teach, still doing it, like, anybody wants, you know. [interviewer asks if he's still going into the ring getting punched] I mean... I'm trying to punch [laughter]

ON THE STRIKE: [interviewer asks how badly the SAG-AFTRA strikes affected him] I'm in a blessed position, you know, I stay grateful for everything and then, like I said, Ryan Murphy saved my life, uh, because I just found out—not to back out of your question—but I just found out that I was about to have a baby boy, um, before I got this-this show and, like, divine intervention, right, um, so for the strike, residuals started coming through out of nowhere. That USA [USA Network syndicated runs of 9-1-1]. So I was actually just linking up with my boys every single morning at four or five in the morning. [interviewer asks if his residuals were mere coins like some of the rest of the people in his industry] Nah, man, you get some. Like one I, like, get super hyped, right, and I be like okay, a dollar. […] So I was getting that, but then I was also getting something else and I was just like okay. Every check [from 9-1-1] [is] the same, the residuals are different. So residuals are, like, based on how-how many people watch. I'll get a residual from, like, say Boy Next Door comes out and it, I think it was just on HBO, you know, ten thousand people, hundred thousand people will start watching that, then I'll get a residual for that, and then I'll get a residual for 9-1-1.

ON THE ON-SET ENVIRONMENT (again): [int: And I'ma speak, like, being on set with y'all, man, like, um, I hear so many horror stories of, like "the actor was an asshole," like all of y'all bro, like, when you see me, you be like "how's your kid?" and that shit is crazy bro, I be appreciating that shit, like, y'all really—it's really like a family setting, not just with the actors with—among actors—it's like crew-wise, like, even—I saw Aisha [Hinds] on another show, she hugging me and shit, everybody looking at me different now. You know what I'm saying? So, like, y'all really show love on, like, a daily basis, you know what I'm saying.]

It starts from the top, though. I mean, Angela, you know, she-she runs that whole thing. [...] Pete's the same way, yeah. […] She's straight-up grace. The way she handled that other Oscar situation when she was supposed to, like, win? And she sat down like this [demonstrates]. [And they tried to make it seem like she was shading the winner.] Of course they did. Of course they did. I remember talking to her about that. [And how was she feeling?] You know, she had some, like, some things to share about that, and, like, to be honest, it's human. It's like, what she felt was human, it's like—and the way she handled it was better than I could have handled it. You know? And the way that she was getting treated? Better than how I could have felt. You know? So, like I said: grace.

ON JAKE PAUL/FIGHTING: [parts of this exchange were indistinguishable due to an inability to read lips] I put out my thing for Jake Paul, like, years and years ago. I was like, Jake, if you wanna fight, let's fight, bro. […] I didn't get nothing back, I got crickets back, so he literally, yeah. [interviewer comments of Jake Paul's skill and ability.] He's gotten better. I mean, he's got millions of dollars like he's in Puerto Rico, like, top training, like, he's got a good team around him. [interviewer asks if he's still willing to fight Jake Paul knowing he's received top-notch training] Tomorrow. Yeah. Today. Whenever. Yeah. We about the same weight. I think he's 199, I'm 187.

[indistinguishable] That don't mean nothing, that's Mike Tyson. And you gotta think about the last couple fights, is like, Mike Tyson, he's had Anderson Silva, I'm a nobody to him, and I don't have the controversy behind me. You know? There's a scandal that-that, like, they feed off of. They're smart, I said this: the Paul brothers are really smart about advertising themselves, marketing themselves, like, and-and surrounding like, insulating themselves with really good people. [indistinguishable] I feel like they had something in the clause, like, don't hit me too hard. You see the age gap right? I mean, 57? The other one, Anderson Silva was 50, the one before that was 40, like, he-he's—I feel like he's going to the retirement home—[he lost to Tommy Fury] He lost to—because that's close to his age. And I don't even think Tommy Fury is that great.

[interviewer asks if, when he's in the ring, does he use moments where he's not in action to rest] Yeah. Yeah, so actually, you learn a lot from the fight. So, like, sparring is completely different than fighting in the ring. […] The first fight I ever had, I realized that the crowd actually plays—cause, the adrenaline—it takes out your-your stamina, so I would get in there and I would already be breathing hard and not realizing, like, I haven't even fought yet. So by the second round in my first fight, I remember my coach, like, pulling my pants, being like, trying to get me, like, room for my stomach to breath, and slapping me in the face, being like, wake up, you got to fight another round. Just because my heart was beating too hard. The next round—I mean, sorry to stop you—but the next fight, I ended up deciding I'm going to fall asleep right before my fight. I'm going to stay calm as I can, I'm going to walk out to my own little, like, headphone music, blah blah blah, I'ma go to the ring girl, flirt with her for a little bit, blah blah, go in there and just treat it like another day, stay comfortable, stay calm, like I'm doing with my acting, and then I fucked this dude up, man, I was like that's it.

[interviewer asks if he believes in not having sex before a fight] Ah, I mean… [laughter] I mean, I-I, they-they say a lot that does act as, like, testosterone. [interviewer asks if he believe that it can help before heading into a fight, regardless if he practices the ideology or not] Yeah. Yeah, 'cause, I mean, if you withhold sex for all of--I mean--you just start getting, like, little-- [Antsy?] Yeah, exactly.

ON GARCIA V. HANEY: [Devin] Haney's gonna—Haney's gonna whip him. Yeah. No, [Ryan] Garcia's got so many holes in his game. He should have stayed-he should have stayed with Canelo [Alvarez].

ON BOXING OVER MMA: I moreso watch MMA 'cause that's where I came from […] I like-I like using everything. [interviewer asks about his fight style] Striker. I didn't like getting—that's how I lost in the last fight. I hit old dude, like, right in the face, his eyes roll in the back, I celebrated too quick, I raise my hands up, he kind of falls on me, grabs on my side, and as he's, like, grabbing on my side, he's trying to get his, like, whereabout, right, and then kind of pulls me into a guard, we fall down, he goes into my, like, it's called side mount, so he's on this side, my legs are this way and he gets onto a full mount, which is just like—my legs are past him, his legs are right here, and he just starts doing [gestures] that 'cause I didn't have any ground game (?). And I heard about this guy being nothing but a striker so I was like alright, so I went up to him and I was just like, let's get it cracking, like, this is the fucking, like, belt, somebody's going to get knocked out. Somebody's going to get knocked out, right, let's do this, and it turned into something else.

[interviewer asks what's the worst shot he's taken]

So, by my trainer, 260 pounds, King of the Cage champion—like, five, six time champion—and he has an iron rod or, like, a metal rod in his shin […] So I got, like, a [works his jaw]—my shit still clicks [He came up and kicked you?] So we do this thing called a Shark Tank, right, so, like every person, like, ten people hop out around the cage and one person's in the cage, and whoever's in the cage is getting ready for their fight and every minute, or every two minutes, we switch out the fighter. So you get a fresh fighter every single time, and it doesn't matter how big or small [...] So I, it was my turn, and I'm faster than him, so I was bam bam bam—I was a fresh fighter, I was third round, so like—or second round—so we're going back and forth, boom boom boom, I'm hitting him, and he just, like, set up one shot, and as soon as he threw that leg, I—slow motion—saw bop! And I've never been hit this hard in my life, I—he hit me so hard, like, I hit the ground and popped back up. I bounced off the ground, and I thought I was still, like, alright, let's go, and I started throwing shots, and my head's just ringing, I don't know where I'm at, I don't really remember the time. I've never been knocked out, but that was the closest I've ever been knocked out, and then my jaw for the next month and a half, I had to, like, eat soup.

ON WHY HE FELT LIKE HE WON HIS LAST FIGHT: I hit him with a cross, his eyes were rolling back, so I thought okay, that's it, I did it, and he starts, like, slumping up, right, and as soon as he started slumping, I turned, and again, immaturity, so I felt like I got this, it was in the bag, everybody, like, got out of their seats, started yelling and blah blah blah, and and and I thought it was over.

ON IF HE'S FOCUSING MORE ON ACTING OR FIGHTING: Yeah, I always saw myself as a fighter more than anything else […] My dream was to get on UFC Ultimate Fighter and hopefully get on the UFC.

ON IF HE KNOWS NATE DIAZ: Yeah, so, I mean, everybody know everybody, right, especially in NorCal, so, and, we're fighting, we go to these different leagues and whatnot, and everybody—it's kind of like a little clique, little gang, blah blah blah, you stay with your gang. And there's quite a few times where ours and theirs got in a little… [gestures] And just off of, like, some dumb shit, like it's—it doesn't take much. And for a while, I kind of held a grudge until I came out here, and then finally, like, I don't know, I just dropped this shit and then Nate reached out, or, like, Nick sent me something like a comment in my Instagram, I—yeah. But. It's all love.

ON HOW OFTEN HE TRAINS/GOES TO THE GYM: [conversation drifted almost immediately but, essentially, he works fourteen to fifteen hour days and presumably finds it difficult to go to the gym, but his kids often accompany and train with him when he goes]

ON RAPPERS: [indistinguishable due to noise, but he prefers Kendrick Lamar and Lil Wayne over Drake]

ON WOMEN: [interviewer talks about a specific instance in which a man loans approx. 20k to his girlfriend to cover her expenses, yet when he needs money for their mortgage, she says no. He then asks if Ryan is able to overlook that, were he in the same situation] Nah. She gotta go.

[interviewer suggesting that saying a woman "can't get a man" or calling her a ho is the same as telling a man to "shut yo' broke ass up] But women make a lot of money off of that now. Like on OnlyFans and everything, women make hella money, I don't know if they even care anymore.

[interviewer on if women "really" want to work or not, or if they'd rather just be taken care of by men or be homemakers]: I say give them everything they want and then let them find out. Let them find out they don't want what they want.

interview ends because he has to leave.

#📹 #🚒 #🥊 #3.11.24 #ryan guzman #march 2024 #with friends #Youtube

[corrodedseraphine]

hellfire heart | one shot

this amazing edit of Eddie which i used here was made by wonderful @sofiiel

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

story based on a request by a lovely anon: could i request rockstar eddie who is a bit of an asshole, loves a drink etc? maybe something angsty! angst with half happy ending I guess?, established relationship, breaking up, modern!AU

4 310 words

the one shot is also avaliable on ao3

I was going to write this much later, but life sucks and my mood today is some kind of unfunny joke, so this request was the perfect opportunity to unload all my negative emotions in this angsty work!

Dear anon, thank you very much for your request, I hope you will not be disappointed. (I wrote the song myself, it's okay if you don't like this, you can pretend it is any other song yopu like!)

eddie munson masterlist | general masterlist

"I thought that when you come to Hawkins for a break we would organize a little campaign for the boys? They miss you so much." You lay cuddled up against Eddie's chest, who was browsing something on his phone.

"Yeah, about that." he said, turning toward you for the first time in twenty minutes. "I'm not coming to Hawkins."

"What?" you rose quickly. What did he mean he wasn't coming back? The breaks between tours were the only longer time you could spend together. Besides, you saw each other once a month when you visited him on tour.

"Babe, there are so many better things than playing some stupid game, so many parties we can go to, so many crazy things we can do." he replied, sitting down on the bed. "Being stuck for couple of months in Hawkins is not fun."

"But what about the kids? What about Wayne? Don't you miss them?"

"I miss them, but I guess if I don't come once, nothing bad will happen, right?"

"Since when is D&D just a stupid game to you?" you asked. Never in your life would you have said you would hear those words from his mouth.

"Honey, look at me, I am not that Eddie anymore. I am not a loser or freak, I am a fucking rockstar. People love me, I have fans all over the world I have everything I ever wanted. I am better, my life is better now." he said grabbing your hands. "Now I'm going to go to rehearsal, later I'll come back and we'll have dinner together, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, have fun." you replied weakly. Eddie quickly smacked you on the lips and left the apartment.

Being left alone with your thoughts was not good, as those thoughts began to wander into darker and darker corners of your brain. You loved Eddie and were happy like no one else that his dreams were coming true however, you slowly stopped liking the kind of man he was becoming. What didn't escape your attention was his sense of superiority. Suddenly everyone who wasn't recognized and famous, those who didn't participate in crazy parties whose motto was sex drugs and rock and roll, were suddenly worse. More and more, you could see the arrogance in him. At the beginning of his fame, he looked forward to visits home. He loved the hours spent campaigning, the fishing trips with Wayne, or the pleasant evenings at campfires where he played guitar and the rest of your little crazy family was singing. He kept saying that these were his favorite moments. What happened that suddenly they were no longer like that?

Eddie didn't show up for dinner. After three hours of waiting, you extinguished the candles you had lit, put the already cold food in the refrigerator, and took the wine that was supposed to be for both of you to the couch and poured it into a glass. You weren't even surprised that he didn't come back on time as he promised. Lately he had less and less time for you. Day by day there were fewer and fewer calls and messages, fewer and fewer I miss yous and I love yous, instead more and more arguments and misunderstandings. There were more and more drunken pictures of him that you saw on the Internet, more and more rumors about secret "friends" of Corroded Coffin members. At every turn whenever you went on any social media you were bombarded with theories that made you sick. Not wanting to bury yourself in this hole even more, you put your phone down on the coffee table and turned on the movie to occupy your thoughts, but somewhere in the middle of it you fell asleep.

You were awakened by Eddie's loud comeback and quiet curses from his mouth. You turned on the lamp that stood by the couch and looked at him sleepily. He was barely standing on his feet, you knew immediately that he was drunk, you couldn't stop the thought that he might have been under the influence of something else.

"Where were you?" you asked quietly, having neither the desire nor the strength to argue.

"At the re-rehsal." He replied trying to look sober. His tounge wasn't able to form any clear words.

"And later?"

"I hav' n'idea what you talkin'bout." he mumbled under his breath, you could barely understand what he was saying. He shakily walked toward the bedroom.

"Eddie you're drunk."

"'not."

"Why are you lying? Couldn't you at least write that you'll come back later?"

You received no answer. Without even trying to undress, he just threw the phone on the bedside table and landed on the soft mattress immediately falling asleep.

With a burden on your heart, you got up from the couch and, taking a bottle of water with you, because you knew he would need it in the morning, went to the bedroom to lie down next to him. The room smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. You watched his body move with every breath, wondering what happened to the boy you knew like the back of your hand. The boy who mocked everyone who devoted their lives solely to alcohol and parties. A boy who wanted more than just fame and money, who always cared about his loved ones and wouldn't even think of pushing them away in favor of other, "more famous" friends.

It hurt you what was happening to him, it hurt you that you couldn't do anything about it, because whenever you tried to talk to him on the subject everything ended in one big fight. It scared you how much you didn't like his new persona. Even scarier was the thought that this change was permanent.

You were awakened by the vibration of his phone. Wiping your sleepy face with your hand, you took it to turn it off, but you noticed a text message on the screen from an unknown number.

unknown: let me know if you want more ;)

You sharply inhaled the air feeling like your heart was about to jump out of your cage. You knew you shouldn't do this however it was stronger than you. You unlocked your phone and went into the messages with the unnamed number.

Under the message sent above was a picture of a pack of cigarettes. Did he want more cigarettes? You were surprised because after everything he went through in the Upside Down he promised you he would stop smoking. Biting your lower lip nervously, you started scrolling up. There weren't a lot of messages, the earliest one was sent a few hours ago, half an hour before Eddie got home. However, one detailed message from him was enough to make your vision begin to blur.

unknown: how can I return the favor?

eddie: send nudes eddie: just kidding

As if burned, you threw the phone straight at him. He woke up with a growl. Little did he know, though, that a hangover would be the least of his worries. You quickly got out of bed and started getting dressed.

"What's goin on?" he asked seeing your condition

"What's goin on?" you asked pointing your finger at the phone. He frowned and looked at the tiny screen and then realized what was the reason for your behavior. "Who is she?"

"Chrissy's friend." he replied as if nothing had happened.

"And what does she have to repay you for?" Your voice slowly broke.

"After the party she needed a ride so I ordered a cab and we drove her and then I came back here. I don't see what the problem is."

"You really don't see what the problem is? Maybe in what you wrote back to her!"

"It was just a joke don't be dramatic!" he replied sitting down on the bed.

You couldn't believe it. He really thought that writing such things to other girls was okay? Even if it was just a joke, you were not going to accept it. Although you've always known that Eddie can laugh at anything, jokes also had their limits, and this was definitely overstepping them.

"You can't be serious now." you said looking straight at his tired face.

"It was just a joke." he repeated through his teeth. "It's not my fault you don't get them."

The old Eddie would never do something like that to you. The old Eddie, when Steve made jokes like that with other girls was the first to point it out to him and say how pathetic his behavior was. Your old Eddie at least would have let you know yesterday that he would be late and wouldn't be back for dinner.

"I don't care if it was a joke Eddie. I don't give a shit it was a joke!" you raised your voice. Everything you had kept under lock and key for the past months was just being released from you. "How would you feel if I wrote to any of your friends like that?"

An expression of realization flashed across his face, but after a moment it was again replaced by irritation. "After all, she didn't send me any, at least she knows it was a fucking joke, not like you!"

"You wouldn't even admit to me if she had sent one! You could have flirted with each other all the way back and you still wouldn't have told me about it!"

"Maybe we were!" he yelled. "Just- Can you just shut up, my head is pounding." He said hiding his face in his hands. "Get the stick out of your ass, because lately you've been doing nothing but whining."

"No. I'm sick of it Eddie. I'm sick of the person you've become." Shocked, he immediately raised his head. His big puppy eyes found yours however, this time you didn't give in. What was going on between the two of you was not good and it was time to explain. It was time for brutal honesty. "You have changed. You have become someone you would have been disgusted with just two years ago."

"What are you talking about?"

"About you, Eddie! Now all that matters to you is alcohol and these stupid parties. I don't know if you remember, but during one of your speeches at the table in high school you emphasized how much you despise such people!"

"I don't know if it gets to you, but we're not in high school anymore." he scoffed.

"What happened to you? What happened to Eddie, who wrote songs about fighting knights and dragons? Who wrote beautiful love ballads? Whose music had a message? Your last album is all empty words about sex, drugs and how there is nothing meaningful in life! I can understand to devote a few songs to that, but not a whole damn album!" You knew that criticizing his music would be a blow to a sensitive spot, but what was your one blow compared to his treating you like a punching bag? "Where is Eddie who couldn't wait for the campaign and was excited to wonder if Dustin would find an ulterior motive in it? Where is the Eddie who could talk to Will for hours about his role as DM? Where is the Eddie who at every possible opportunity went back to Hawkins to spend some time with his Uncle? Where the hell is the Eddie who didn't choose getting drunk over our dinners together? Where is the Eddie who was always looking for ways to be close to me?!"

"Y/n…" he tried to interrupt you however it was too late. You sped away breaking all the brakes along the way.

"Where is Eddie, who always answered my I love yous? Because the one in front of me now doesn't even want to look at me anymore." You were crying, struggling with breathing out the words. "For the past few months, every time I come you have a problem with kissing me. If I didn't hug you myself you wouldn't do it. You don't answer my messages, you don't answer my calls, when was the last time you told me you loved me?"

"Maybe I wouldn't have stopped doing that if you hadn't criticized me all the time!" he shouted avoiding your last question. He knew the answer would not be acceptable.

"And in what should I support you?! In getting drunk to the point of unconsciousness? Asking for nudes from other girls?! Do you even have any idea how much it hurts me? You don't tell me anything! You keep everything a secret, your nights out, your new friends, you never want to talk about it! How do I know what the hell you are doing there?! I'm supposed to support you in this so that later I can see pictures everywhere from clubs of you having a great time with your fans who are pushing themselves straight into your lap and you don't even try to stop them?!"

"You're just jealous! You're pathetically jealous because you can't accept that my life is so much better now and I don't need you in it at all!"

Suddenly you had nothing more to add. Everything had become clear. Clearer than you had imagined.

It took a while for him to realize what he had said, his words broke the heart not only for you but also for him, because he knew that this was the moment when he would lose you.

"Baby, no. Shit, I am so sorry-" he approached you quickly grabbing your hand but you immediately yanked it away. "Sweetheart, please, that's not what I meant. You know I love you, I'm sorry I've been acting like this lately, please, I'll change, I promise." he panicked. It intensified when he didn't get any response from you. You walked around the room collecting your belongings, which you threw into a suitcase occasionally wiping away tears. Despite his begging and following you around like a lost puppy dog you never spoke a word to him again. Even when you left slamming the door.

For the first few weeks it didn't get to him. He completely lost himself in the party vortex forgetting all God's world "enjoying" his freedom. Waking up in places he didn't know next to people he didn't remember with a massive headache, lack of energy and nausea. This was his new daily life. A daily life that was wearing him down. The Internet was buzzing with news, stories and footage of him getting into fights with other people, or of Gareth and Jeff or Simon having to carry him out of clubs and bars because he was so drunk he couldn't do it on his own strength.

Locked in a vicious cycle, he was starting to suffocate. Suddenly all the things he wanted so much but couldn't do when he was with you were starting to push him away. Suddenly all the quickies with people whose name he didn't even know began to disgust him. The mere mention of any alcohol made him sick. Despite the fact that there were still plenty of people around him giving him their full attention, he felt lonely. Queues of groupies lining up for the tour bus, the forbidden fruit that tempted so much turned out to be nothing.

Lying alone in bed, he stared at the ceiling feeling cold. The darkness that surrounded him consumed his entire soul. Hearing the vibration of the phone he quickly grabbed it hoping it was a message from you, but it wasn't. Suddenly Eddie felt a burning feeling in his eyes that he hadn't felt in a long time. He touched his tear-wet cheeks in disbelief. He couldn't remember the last time he cried, but it must have been a very long time ago. Feeling despair spreading throughout his body, he decided to grab a lifeline and called the person he could always count on in such situations. The person who never refused to help him and who always managed to chase away his demons. Unfortunately, this person did not answer this time, leaving him alone. The person he shouted right in her face that he didn't need her in his life. Sadly, he needed her more than he thought, and loved her even more, but somewhere in his crazy journey, greedy for fame, he forgot all about it leaving him completely alone. He thought about the moment you separated, thought about everything you told him then, thought about how right you were. The longer he thought about it, the more disgusted he became with the person he had become. You were so damn right. He felt like a blinded fool. In fact, that's exactly what he was. The Eddie you loved got lost in the maze of celebrity and money, and in order to survive there he had to adapt to the new environment by creating a completely new version of himself. A version he wasn't proud of.

When he finally calmed down and wiped away his last tears he felt a surge of motivation. He was determined to find the old Eddie and bring him back.

Everyone immediately noticed the change. When rock star, social spirit, party monster Eddie Munson locked himself inside four walls cutting himself off from everything people were shocked. The real reason was known only to the members of Corroded Coffin, who forced him to talk. When he finally told them everything they showed him great support and helped him regain his former self. It was not an easy and quick process, but after a few months he managed to change tracks. Focusing mainly on writing new songs, after the concerts he always returned to the hotel, where he occupied his thoughts with planning D&D campaigns to which he also wanted to return. It turned out that escaping into the fantasy world was still great medicine for his tortured soul. He spent a great deal of time talking to Wayne. The old man was initially very surprised, but also happy to hear his nephew more often now. At his and Corroded Coffin's manager's urging, he also tried visits to a psychologist, which helped him not only find balance in his new life but also helped him deal with nightmares from the past.

The last destination on the tour was Indianapolis. Being so close to home, Eddie sent you all VIP entrance tickets. With a tightness in his heart, he watched as Max, Lucas, Dustin, Mike, El, Erica and Will lined up right at the barriers in front of the stage. Right behind them walked Steve and Robin, and at the very end you. After such a long time of no contact with you, he felt like crying at your sight. He didn't believe you would come, he thought you hated him and nothing would convince you to be here today. And yet there you were. Fate was giving him a chance and he wasn't going to let it pass.

The concert went well, to everyone's surprise, they didn't play a single song from the new album. They relied mainly on those that were written back in Gareth's garage in the days when the world had no idea who Corroded Coffin was. Some people, were not happy about this, but the vast majority sang the songs along with them as much as they had breath. At the very end of the performance, Eddie approached the microphone putting his finger to his lips, thus asking for silence.

"Before we finish, I'd like to announce something." he said looking around. "I'm damn grateful for each and every one of you here, if it weren't for you, we would never have gotten this far, and I will never be able to repay you for that." The crowd went wild, everyone started shouting and applauding, and Eddie smiled and once again asked for silence. "Unfortunately, even on the most beautiful journey one can get lost. And I got lost very badly, and I think that if someone hadn't shouted it in my face a few months ago I would never have found my way back." He grunted. He tried to find you in the crowd, but the headlights blinded him and he couldn't. You, however, saw him. You saw him very well, for the first time in a long time you saw Eddie. The real one. "But I found it. This road is not one of the easiest, so it hurts my heart to tell you that this is the last Corroded Coffin concert this year. It will be a few months before we start working on the new album and hit the road again, and I hope that at least some of you have the boundless patience to welcome us back in time as warmly as you bid us farewell today." he chuckled, receiving thunderous applause anew. "But before we say a final goodbye for today we have a surprise for you."

Unfamiliar chords rang out from the speakers as everyone realized it was a new song, and people started jumping and shouting with excitement.

Cold ground as your deathbed The last thing you hear is scream Heart-wrecking cry of a little ship The little ship is begging Praying to the God above for a miracle You don't know which one But one of them have heard the prayer And you are breathing again

You are back but something is wrong You are back but something is missing Your hands are cold Your heart is colder

Then you meet her Like a ray of sunshine cutting through the clouds Her touch is soft Her voice is calm But her heart Her heart was forged in the abyss of hell In the fire hottest than the Sun She's got a hellfire heart

You can try to avoid it You can try to escape But when she touches you she leaves burning marks She will break your ribs She will pull the lungs out of your chest She will find a way to your heart And you will let her

Be careful you blind fool Because once you lose her You feel like death is taking you back Be careful you stupid creature Because once you stop appreciating what you've got You'll end up alone Without the littlest spark to keep you warm You will freeze to death in the middle of a fire

When you meet her Like a ray of sunshine cutting through the clouds Her touch is soft Her voice is calm But her heart Her heart was forged in the abyss of hell In the fire hottest than the Sun She's got a hellfire heart

After the concert officially ended, the whole group went backstage. Seeing the excitement of everyone except you, Eddie guessed that you didn't tell anyone about what happened between you. When he found the right moment he pulled you aside and locked the two of you in a fitting room. Without a word you stared at each other waiting for someone to finally make the first move. Despite his fear, he knew he had to be the one to make it.

"Thank you for coming." he said quietly taking a step closer to you, but you took that one step back. "I know I fucked everything up, I know that some stupid song won't change anything, I know you have the right to hate me. I've been a complete asshole, everything at its worst, I've treated you in a terrible way, and to tell you the truth I don't even deserve to have you standing here with me…" he once again tried to approach you. This time you did not move away. "I love you, I haven't stopped loving you and you need to know that. I know I didn't show it to you like I should have, I know you didn't feel it and you had the right to doubt it. I want you to know that I have changed. At least I'm trying to do that, I'm in therapy and it's said to be having an effect. Who would have thought, huh?"

"Your apology won't make me forget all this Eddie." you said.

"I know, and I don't expect you to forget. All I'm asking you for is a chance, to show that I've changed. I may never be able to get back the old Eddie you fell in love with, but I can assure you that the Eddie you hated is definitely not coming back. In front of you stands a brand new Eddie, hopefully better than the previous ones."

"I can forgive you, but that doesn't mean it will stop hurting." The tears in your eyes were breaking his heart. Old Eddie would have killed him for how much pain he caused you. "Even if I forgive you it doesn't mean I'll give us a second chance Eddie. I don't know if I'll be able to."

"I know, but I beg you to try to get to know me again. Maybe someday you'll be able to fall in love with me all over again." he grabbed your hand. Large and warm, in which you could easily hide your own. Whose touch used to be home to you.

"I forgive you." you whispered. Hearing those words, he couldn't stop the smile that pressed on his lips. That was enough. From that moment on, he knew he would do anything to fix the mistakes of the past.

"Can I hug you?" he asked shyly, and you only nodded your head. Holding you in his arms, he felt that his life was becoming complete again.

Your path was uncertain, you had no idea how it would end, and neither did he. However, the end was far away, and for now you had to focus on the beginning.

taglist: @i-me-mine @phantypurple @tlclick73

#eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie stranger things #stranger things fanfic #justice for eddie #stranger things #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x you #stranger things eddie #fanfiction #fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson stranger things #modern au #modern au stranger things #modern stranger things #modern au eddie munson #modern eddie munson #corrodedseraphine #corrodedseraphine hellfire heart #corrodedseraphine fanfiction #ao3 fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #eddie munson angst

[randomprose]

*post-canon with reference to ch 385*

now posted on ao3!

Guan Shan is watching another one of his blasted idol shows.

It’s been twenty minutes since He Tian sat beside him and Guan Shan still hasn’t paid attention to him.

It’s not often that he thinks about it, but he suppose that Guan Shan has a penchant for pretty things. Not that He Tian blames him. It’s human nature to be drawn to beauty. And he’s not susceptible to that himself considering the way he gravitates to Guan Shan. 

It’s just that…He Tian wanst to be the only pretty thing in Guan Shan’s line of sight. He never quite outgrew that childish side of him that feels like he’s going to fucking expire if Guan Shan doesn’t look or acknowledge him.

He Tian is loath to admit it but he really does share a lot of uncanny traits with his brother. Naturally, perhaps considering the man practically raised him. For instance, He Cheng tends to get easily jealous whenever Brother Qiu's involved. He thinks he’s subtle about it, but everyone and their mother knows he’s weirdly possessive of Brother Qiu. The shit he pulled on that one National Day holiday party at his island was just one in a long laundry list of his brother’s jealousy rearing its ugly head.

He thinks it runs in the family — is pretty sure it runs in the family. From what little he remembers of him, his father was also a very jealous man when it came to their mother. He always hated it when she goes out too much, when she doesn't pay attention to him as much as he wanted her too — which was all the time. He wanted her to be consumed by him as much as he was with her.

He Tian is pretty much the same with Mo Guan Shan. He’s not proud of it, hates that the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree, but he can't help it when it comes to him. He’s trying his best to not be like the other men in his family in any way, but especially to the people he loves. 

He wants to love Guan Shan the right way, but the man just awakens every impulse in He Tian in ways he cannot control. Impulses he was taught to conceal well and he thought he's learned to control.

Then again, Mo Guan Shan has always been an exercise for self-control to He Tian.

It’s been thirty minutes and Guan Shan still hasn’t paid attention to him and He Tian has had enough

“Why do your eyes always stray?”

“What?” 

Guan Shan sounds distracted and He Tian hates how his eyes doesn’t even leave the TV. He’s right here, dammit. The show’s on commercial break right now. What could possibly be more interesting than He Tian with his arm around him and practically on his lap? How could Guan Shan be more invested on idols dancing on the screen than him? He Tian even wore the cologne that he knows always drives Guan Shan crazy and makes him want to fuck him.

“Your eyes,” He Tian says, thinking about what to say next to get Guan Shan to look at him instead. “You still look at other people even when I’m around. Am I not enough for you?”

“What?” That got the desired effect as Guan Shan turns to look at He Tian in incredulity at the sudden accusation. “What the fuck are you talking about? My eyes don't stray. My eyes have never strayed.”

How can it when He Tian has been on his face and up in his business since they were fifteen. Not that Guan Shan particularly mind. Much. Now.

“They do.” He Tian tells him, tone flat but Guan Shan can hear him pouting — can see him pouting. “You couldn't keep your eyes away from those girls dancing in the street before.”

“Wha—” For a second, Guan Shan honest to god does not know what He Tian is talking about until a memory, a very embarrassing memory, of He Tian dancing against him in the middle of a park pops into his mind's eye. “Are you still not over that shit? That was years ago! I was a teenager! We’re engaged.” He raises his left hand and points to his finger with the silver band. “And I said I just liked the way they danced!”

This does nothing to get He Tian out of this particular mood he’s put himself in because for sure as hell Guan Shan didn’t. Moody, fickle bastard. Why something that happened when they were fifteen will set him off like this, Guan Shan doesn’t know, but he figures He Tian is just having one of those days — and by that he means days when he just woke up and decided to be more of a pain in the ass that usual. Specifically to Guan Shan.

He Tian nods at the TV. “You watch a lot of girl group idol shows,” he continues because of course he’s not done. It’s too early in the conversation for him to see reason and leave Guan Shan alone to enjoy his show in peace. 

“Jesus, Tian. Are you seriously riding my dick for liking female idols?”

A glint flashes in his eyes and He Tian opens his mouth to make a quip about riding dick (because of course he would) but Guan Shan bulldozes over him.

“I’m not blind. They’re cute and easy on the eyes. They dance well. I like the songs.” These are all objective reasons, but Guan Shan should only be so lucky for He Tian to see them that way. “What do you want me to say?”

“I’m cute and way easier on the eyes.”

‘Cute’ isn’t exactly the word Guan Shan will use to define He Tian. Calling He Tian cute is like calling a shark with its teeth bared or a switch blade cute. But he’s definitely easy on the eyes alright, so, sure, he’ll give him that.

“I never said you weren’t.” There. That’s vague and true enough for He Tian to get the message. Hopefully.

“If you want me to sing and dance you just have to ask,” He Tian shrugs, trying for casual, but the fact he’s started this whole asinine conversation doesn’t really help his case. “I can even do a routine right now and ride your dick for real in a more literal sense.” 

Yeah. He Tian just really needed to get that one out. 

“Are you seriously jealous of idols?”

Guan Shan meant his question to sound exasperated and in a way that will finally make He Tian hear how ridiculous he’s being. But then He Tian hits him with—

“I'm jealous of anyone that catches your attention.” 

He Tian says it without missing a beat, completely dead serious, and the sincerity of it catches Guan Shan off-guard that whatever retort he has at the tip of his tongue and any annoyance he’s feeling about this whole thing vanishes into thin air. 

Motherfucker always does this. Fucking He Tian and his stupid ability to charm and endear Guan Shan. How does he not get embarrassed saying shit like that?

“Unbelievable,” Guan Shan says, shaking his head, more amused now than anything. “Unbe-fucking-lievable. You really are the most jealous man I know.”

“You know other men?” He Tian’s brows crease and a dark look has started to loom over his features. The seriousness of it all makes Guan Shan want to laugh especially considering he’s pretty sure the line came from a meme. “Out of curiosity, what are their names? Where do you know them? I need to know. For safety purposes.”

“He Tian, fucking seriously?” He Tian has leaned over him in his inquisition and Guan Shan has to push against his chest to make him back off. “The safety card, really?”

He Tian shrugs, “My family has a lot of enemies. You never know.”

Fuck this shit. The commercials are over and the show is back on. Guan Shan is done talking with this psycho. “Alright.”

“No, wait,” He Tian catches him by the wrists holding his hands still on his chest. “I’m serious.”

“He Tian, seriously. Where is this coming from? Did I say or do anything to get you like this?” Guan Shan tries to pry He Tian’s hands off but he only tightens his grip. Whatever humor he found in this exchange has vanished and the irritation he initially felt when this whole conversation started out of buttfuck nowhere is starting to come back fullforce. “Tch. No, wait. Did you hit your head in your last assignment? Is that why you're acting crazier than usual? That must be it, huh?”

“No. I—” He Tian cuts himself off. Something passes in his face that makes him think better than say what he was going to. “It's nothing. I've just been thinking.”

He Tian does this sometimes. Starts shit that Guan Shan thinks is just him being a menace and wanting to get a rise out of him, which is usually the case. But sometimes things veer to a different territory—away from playful and silly and towards something that makes He Tian close off. 

Guan Shan sees that, for whatever reason, this really seems to bother him. He feels a little guilty and hates himself for it. Sometimes he forgets that, for all his confidence and bravado, He Tian sometimes gets hit by insecurities too. 

What does it say about Mo Guan Shan that he finds comfort in that? That he’s one of the people, if not the only one, He Tian gets like this and shows this side of him? What does it say about Mo Guan Shan that it practically makes his heart sing?

Ah, whatever. Their relationship has always been kind of fucked up anyway. 

“Alright, dipshit. Listen up,” Guan Shan sighs as he shakes off He Tian’s grip on his wrists so he can hold his face and keep his eyes on him. “I have never fucked or gotten fucked by anyone other than you since we were teenagers. Which is kind of pathetic when you think about it. I never thought I'd be a monogamous one-man son of a bitch so early in my life and for the rest of it. But.” He shrugs. “Here I am. Here we are.”

“You sound disappointed,” He Tian grumbles and he looks so put off that Guan Shan has no choice but kiss him sweetly on the nose. Just to chase that stupid pout off his face. He’s been hanging out too much with Jian Yi.

“Tch. I’m really not. I like that I never need to get tested because other than—and I am saying this again so it will get through your thick dumb skull—I have never screwed anyone other than you my entire fucking life, I'm pretty fucking sure you've never fucked anyone other than me judging by the conversation we just had.”

“Why would I want anybody else when I already have you?” 

Guan Shan just hums. Goddamn shameless earnest fucker.

“Also, again, you idiot, we’re literally engaged. We’re flying to New York in three months for the ceremony. We’re actually going to be legally married with actual papers and legal documents and shit.” Guan Shan pinches and stretches He Tian’s cheeks, ignoring his sounds of pain and protests, before kissing him sweetly on the lips. “Now, can I go back to watching my idol show in peace?”

He Tian pouts as he rubs his cheeks and Guan Shan thinks if he doesn’t stop pouting like that he’s gonna—

“You've never even thought of being with someone else other than me? Really? Ah, Little Mo!”

“That's what you got from all that? Seriously?” Guan Shan rolls his eyes but He Tian’s giddiness is contagious that it comes off more fond than anything.

He Tian wraps his arms around Guan Shan from the side and leans his head on his shoulder, cheeks squished against his arm when he says, “I love you.” 

“Tch. Aish. Whatever, dickface.” Guan Shan is a little miffed that he missed half of his show but he still turns his head and kisses He Tian's forehead.

They stay like that in comfortable silence as He Tian finally lets Guan Shan watch his show until the host announced the last performance and he stands up.

“Where are you going?” Guan Shan asks.

“To the gym. And maybe the spa for a haircut and a facial.”

“You're so vain.”

“Well, I gotta be if I'm to keep your eyes on me and be the only man you'll ever fuck for the rest of your life,” He Tian snarks as he pulls a face. “It's hard to complete with idols. Not that it’s much of a competition anyway.”

Arrogant prick. Guan Shan hates that he’s really not wrong about that. He Tian easily trumps most celebrities in looks alone. And Guan Shan really hates it so much that it’s not just him being biased.

“If the wedding isn’t literally months away and we haven’t sent out all the deposits I swear to fucking god.” He’s still within hitting distance so Guan Shan swings one of the couch throw pillows at him. “Fucking leave already. God.”

“And when I get back maybe you'll give me a facial yourself, hm?”

“The fucking mouth on you. I swear to fucking god.” He Tian is leering over him so Guan Shan pulls him down by his collar to plant another kiss on him. 

He Tian pulls away with a satisfied curl of his lips after stealing another quick chaste kiss.

“Don't get your hair cut too short and I just might.”

This catches He Tian off-guard and he blinks in surprise before chuckling and giving a two-finger salute. 

His laughter echoes in Guan Shan’s ears long after the front door shuts.

now posted on ao3!

#19 days #tianshan #wanted to do a spin on the old 'jelous he tian' trope #but he's jealous of celebrities #of all people #lmao #he tian #mo guan shan #reference: ch 385 #old xian #writing

[sweetheart-satoru]

DEVIL IN DISGUISE ━━━ gojou satoru.

"W-what even are you?" You ask, backing away from him, cursing to yourself when your back hits the headboard. He grins menacingly,

"Baby, I'm a fucking god."

No, he was the opposite. He was the devil in disguise.

"You seriously never heard of Gojou Satoru?" You shake your head and laugh as your friend stares at you like you are crazy, "Nope. Why? Is he important?" Your friend, Amelia, gapes at you. "He's one of the richest people ever! And he's having a fancy party at his house!" You shrug as she parks her car in a deserted area. "Well, I didn't know that or him."

She gets out of the car, goes to the backseat and puts on her backpack. "He’s famous!" You just shrug again, chuckling as you grab your backpack and do the same. "So where are we going again." Amelia looks nervous "Dummy, we are going to the party." She pulls out two dresses, hers was red and less revealing, and yours was black but pretty revealing.

You stopped dead in your tracks, "What?" She scratches the back of her head, "You said you needed some excitement in your life, and I'm bringing it to you!" She chuckles nervously. "I don't care for excitement anymore," you step back, but she grabs your arm and glares at you before grinning, "Come on, don't be a wuss." The change in her attitude startled you, but not a lot. “I’ll change first.” She says. “Can we switch dresses?” You ask, “Nope!”

When you finish changing, she drags you to a top of a hill and you see a massive house in the distance. "Holy shit." You mutter. "What a lovely home." She hums, "Isn't it? Let's go." You hesitate, which makes her cock her brow and frown deeply before you follow her back into the car, which lightens her mood immediately. For the last three months, these switch-ups from nervousness and sadness switch to cockiness, teasing, anger, and flirting.

... [ twenty minutes later ]

When you finally drove up to the house, which took forever, you sighed. Two big gates faced you and Amelia.

"Oh, well. Look at that, Ame. There are huge gates in front of the house, I guess we should turn back because this place looks fucking abandoned-" She grabs something in her pocket, and puts it in the keyhole. After a few moments, she unlocks it. Amelia cheers, "Oh, fuck yeah!" And uses not a lot of force to push the gates open, which shocks you because the gates are huge. "Damn, girl. You got stronger." She just smirks at you, narrowing her eyes down at you. They look different. Were her eyes always blue?

"Come," she grins, it looks off, "let's go in." You nod, following her.

"Woah," you mutter, "this place is empty but huge. Where is everyone?" Amelia looks at you, "Maybe we’re just early?” You turn to her, "Oh,” you decide to change the subject, “how is he? You know, Goji or whatever. His name is hard to remember." You stick your tongue out, and you don't expect Amelia to burst out laughing the way she was. She was hunched over, holding her stomach.

As she wipes a tear, you speak. "Damn, I didn't think you would laugh. I thought you were gonna lecture me or something." You pat her back, chuckling. "It's Gojou, and he was around our age. Like, twenty-two or something. You nod your head, “He’s only a year older than us!”

Suddenly, you feel a burst of wind and hear the doors shut. "Let's explore!" She grabs your wrist, but you pull back. "Did you not just see or hear that, Ame?" You step back, and she steps forward, "See or hear what? Nothing happened." You turn to see the doors open, like how you two left them.

"Oh." I must be going crazy.

"Yeah, anyways. Let's go!" You just quietly follow after her, not wanting to make her mad like she was before. But the uneasy feeling in your stomach never left. You felt like you were being watched. From multiple different areas. If you thought about it enough, you would count six different areas. Like six eyes were watching your every move.

Your mind was telling you to run, and your heart was beating fast, but you ignored them both and continued to follow her as she found the basement.

Down here, it is dark. You can't see anything, and Amelia is still holding onto your wrist. "Ame? Turn your flashlight on, I can't see anything." She lets go of your hand, falling down to the ground on her knees.

Amelia is gripping her hair, you take out your phone to turn on the flash, "Ame?! Ame!" She shakes her head and cries in your arm.

"I am so sorry y/n. I'm so sorry." She is fully sobbing now, "Hey, come on. Let's just leave, this place is creepy." You stop, and you finally realize it. Her eyes are brown.

They were never blue.

What? You swore when you saw them, they were blue. You stand up, trying to bring her up with you.

"Amelia! What the hell is wrong with you." You stare at her, and she looks fucking terrified. She's staring behind you. "P-please forgive me." You tilt your head and turn around with the flash.

And there it was, Amelia, standing there with a menacing smirk plastered on her face. But it wasn't Amelia. Because Amelia was in your arms. The Amelia you are staring at has blue eyes. They shine bright like diamonds in the dark basement. "Ame.. what did you do..?" You whispered, slowly turning back to the one in your arms, "Knock her out, Ame." You hear it. The difference in the voice. It's a guy now.

Before you can turn around, you feel a punch being thrown into your head. Amelia has knocked you out clean. But not in a way to kill you, just enough force to make you pass out.

When you finally wake up, you're in another dark room. But, there's a window. And, you're lying in a bed. This is not your room. Everything comes rushing back to you. "Ame!" You yell, removing the sheets that were on you. "y/n," she mutters weakly, "don't be loud. He will hear us." You crawl to the end of the bed, where you see her beaten, bruised, and tied up before you. Before you step foot off the bed, "Don't get off the bed, something will happen. It's not good." She whispers.

Tears well up in your eyes, "What happened to you? Why did you hit me? Why did you change?" She tries quietly shushing you, like a baby, to calm you down. "It happened three months ago when it started. Did you notice? The change in my attitude, the colour of my eyes?” You shook your head, “It’s okay, we’ll get out of here-”

“Let me talk, please? I’m gonna die here,” you shake your head, “No! You won’t. I won’t let you-”

“y/n. Shut the hell up now,” and you are quiet, her voice is stern but shaky, “I’m gonna die. There is no doubt about it. I explored this house three months ago, with someone else. They’re dead, too. I lied to you, okay? I lied. Gojou Satoru isn’t alive, he’s some type of ghost or something. He is our age, though. But he died, in this house. Someone killed him, and now he kills everyone. But something’s wrong. He can’t leave this house unless he takes someone's body, or unless someone splits their soul with him. He said to me that… he loves you. Those three months where I’ve been crazy, he turned into me so he could meet with you, and talk with you. He fell in love with you. There is no party, he wanted to see you dressed up nicely other than your home and work clothes.”

Your eyes widen, in love? “You need to find a way to get out of here-” Before she could even finish her sentence, her head twists in different directions, and her screams go silent when her head bursts. Blood splashes your face. You’re in too much shock to realize what just happened. But when it finally hits you, you scream. And you cry. “Ame..” You mumble, leaning back into the bed. Your head immediately shoots up when you hear the door open. You hear a sigh, and you see the most beautiful person ever created walk into the room. He was absolutely perfect. His eyes, his height, his body, his legs, his hair, his face. “You done staring?” Then you glare.

“Sheesh, what’s with the mean look? Aw, are you mad cuz’ I killed your little friend?” You throw one of your heels at him, to which he easily dodges. “y/n,” he sings, “don’t be mad.” You crawl backwards, but he just keeps coming forward. “W-what even are you?" You ask, backing away from him, cursing to yourself when your back hits the headboard. He grins menacingly, his lips hovering over yours.

"Baby, I'm a fucking god."

No, he was the opposite. He was the devil in disguise.

notes:

my back hurts so much help

also, part two or nah

#gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jujutsu kaisen gojo #gojou satoru x reader #gojo fluff #gojo satoru x reader #gojo imagine #gojo satoru angst #gojo imagines #gojo satoru x you #gojo saturo #gojo angst #gojo satoru imagines #gojo x reader #gojo x you #jjk gojo #jujutsu gojo #lovesick gojo #gojo x y/n #satoru gojo x reader #yandere satoru gojo #yandere gojo #gojou satoru x you #jujustu kaisen #jjk

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 13 of 21 Questions

(LAST UPTADE FOR TONIGHT MORE ON WATTPAD)

better interface on wattpad + the fanfic on wattpad is updated till chap 27

Given that the blonde's birthday was on a Sunday, Alex was obviously still awake when the clock hit midnight and she was officially turning twenty years old. She might have been expecting her best friend to casually come into her room and wish it to her, but she was far from imagining what Lily had actually planned for her. As Alex's bedroom door was gently opened, she could see Lily trying to keep her balance as she was holding a huge box in her hands.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" Alex asked, confused with what was about to happen. 

"Me?" Lily replied innocently, "I'm merely here to wish you the best birthday of your life and give you a small present of course."

Alex wasn't buying anything: the "small present" was as tall and large as a chair. As Lily put the box down, she was looking expectedly at Alex.

"You wanna open it?" Lily was definitely excited to see her friend's reaction.

Alex hesitantly nodded and stood up towards the box. She carefully unwrapped the bow at the top and started removing the wrapping paper. When she was about to actually open her present, she dared look up at Lily who was simply standing and smiling at her. Eh, fuck it. Not like I'm gonna die. Well, she should've thought better because she may have had a minor heart attack when the top of the box was removed and confetti exploded in the room while the famous "Happy Birthday" melody started playing.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you Alex", Lily started singing. "Happy birthday to you my best friend in the whole world that I love very much, happy birthday to you!"

As Alex – covered in rainbow confetti – was looking dumbfounded at Lily, she realised what just happened and her eyes began to tear up. She didn't know why this was her body's reaction, but this was honestly usual for the girls: they both had always been very sentimental when it came to birthdays and showing love to one another that they knew that the best thing to do was simply to hug the one crying – which Lily did – and then tightly hold each other for a few minutes.

After her tears had dried, Alex composed herself and did her best to get an explanation. 

"Girl, what the actual fuck. I thought a bomb was exploding right to my face."

"Oops, I should've asked for less power I guess," Lily laughed at her miscalculations. "But don't worry, the others are completely harmless to your life!"

"What?" Alex snapped her head towards Lily. "What do you mean the others?"

"Well, you weren't expecting me to only give you this, were you? You know me better than this honestly, what kind of best friend am I if I don't give eight presents to my favourite person for our eight years of friendship?" Lily shrugged while rhetorically asking.

Alex didn't know what to say. Eight gifts? What is this girl on? As her friend was about to protest about the crazy amount of gifts she was going to receive, Lily quickly put her finger on Alex's mouth to prevent her from talking.

"No objections accepted. You can't say anything about it, they're already all in the house so at the end of the day, you'll have them all one way or another!"

Lily's serious expression showed Alex that she wasn't taking no for an answer. This was an important mission: making Alex's twentieth birthday one of the best twentieth birthdays in the history of twentieth birthdays. 

~~~

Apart from almost inhaling and choking on some confetti that were still on her bed, Alex's night had been relatively peaceful. She was quite sceptical when she woke up around ten o'clock and couldn't hear anything – Lily was probably going to sleep until noon so Alex was ready to enjoy a couple of quiet hours before her best friend would start her "birthday mission".

When Alex arrived downstairs, she realised that she had spoken too soon as Lily was actually awake and cooking two metres away from her. The confusion on Alex's face was obvious. 

"Since when are you awake and functional that early?"

"Oh hi! You're right on time." Lily was completely dodging the question. "I went to buy your favourite and the pancakes are almost ready!"

Lily's smile was so genuine that Alex thought she was seeing an angel. As she looked towards the kitchen counter, she realised that her favourite actually meant her favourite drink from Starbucks – a Caramel Frappuccino – and the fact that Lily was cooking felt like a once in a lifetime miracle. Lily had never been the best cook but she knew how to perfectly make the girls' favourite meals.

"À table bestie," Lily said as she was putting the pancakes on a plate and looking for chocolate sauce. "I hope you like number two!"

Number two, meaning present number two, reminded Alex about the crazy plan her best friend had. Alex herself didn't even know eight things she wanted for her birthday, how in hell had Lily found so many ideas?

~~~

Presents number three and four had been given to Alex at the same time. She was returning from the bathroom when she found her painting brushes lying on the floor. As she followed them up the stairs and to her room, her jaw dropped as she saw the cutest stuffed animal ever holding a painting brush on her bed. Alex carefully grabbed the Tenderheart Care Bear and a gigantic smile appeared on her face.

"Aww fuck he's sooo cute". If Alex had been texting, her immediate reaction would be the crying emoji. She could only call her best friend to confirm the reason for this display. "LILY, come here right now!"

Turns out that Lily was actually very near as she had been standing in the doorway for the last couple of minutes, the same innocent smile she had harboured earlier still present on her face. Alex immediately decided that the stuffed animal would be her new companion when she would paint and declared it as her "assistant painter" which Lily found adorable . The brunette was delighted that for now, her gift ideas had been the right ones. She was excited to give the rest of them and couldn't resist giving Alex another one.

"Oh by the way I found one of your tops in my closet this morning, if you wanna get it back", Lily said to make the birthday girl go where she wanted her to be.

"Girl I swear if this is the one I've been searching for weeks, I'll murder you and this is my day so I'll have every right to." Alex was definitely not suspicious of Lily's change of attitude and her only goal was now to get the piece of clothing back – although it was absolutely not one she knew about.

As Alex quickly walked to Lily's room, she thought that the top folded on Lily's bed was the one she was talking about. However, as Alex unfolded it to check if this was the right one, a confused look could be seen on her face.

"What–" Alex went back in the hallway and bumped into Lily who had been taking her time to join her. "What is this? A prank? It's not mine and I'm honestly hurt you never told me you had Let's Trip merch"

"I said what I said,'' Lily replied as she looked away while laughing. "It's yours, not mine."

It took a few seconds for Alex's brain to understand what her best friend meant and when she finally got it, she jumped on Lily to give her a hug.

"Fuck, I– I just love you so much." Tears were starting to form in Alex's eyes. "I don't deserve you for real, thank you for being the best friend ever."

Alex had been given the famous Let's Trip merch, the one with the rainbow on it. She had fallen in love with it when the summer collection had dropped, but she hadn't wanted to spend too much money on the triplets when she was saving it to maybe go on their tour – maybe her money could now be used on the next merch drop either from the triplets or Chris’s brand FreshLove.

~~~

After they had eaten, Alex refused Lily’s offer to put everything away and do the dishes so she shooed her best friend away from the kitchen. Lily was actually glad for Alex’s stubbornness because it enabled her to prepare the next gift Alex would receive.

Lily came back to the kitchen when Alex had finished to clean and suggested something surprisingly calm compared to everything that had been happening today:

“Alex, my beloved, why don’t you go into the living-room while I make us some drinks?”

“Sounds weirdly peaceful but yeah,” Alex agreed. “Can I have hot cocoa, please?”

Lily hummed to notify Alex that she would make her the drink she wanted and got started while the blonde went to sit on the couch, not expecting what was already waiting for her.

“LILYYY!” Alex dragged out the last vowel. “Are you seriously gonna make gifts randomly appear all day?”

“Yep, and you know you can’t stop me!” Lily laughed at the comment as she sat on the couch and put the two cups on the table next to the mysterious box.

With a confused look and a nod from Lily, Alex took the box and shook it a little as to guess what was inside. When she heard the noise of small things as well as plastic, Alex was intrigued and eventually removed the wrapping paper before letting out a gasp.

“Oh my god, girl! They’re so cute I love them sooo much!”

Alex had in her hands the famous lego flowers and she couldn’t contain her excitement. She was so happy that Lily knew her so well and immediately went for a hug before forcing her best friend to build them now.

This was the best day Alex could have ever asked for and the smile on her face was enough proof for Lily to know that she was contributing to her best friend’s happiness. Therefore, the afternoon was spent reminiscing about the girls’ childhood and friendship while drinking hot chocolate and building lego flowers for each other – it was a set of two small bouquets and they decided to exchange the one they each built.

After this crafting moment, the two girls decided to put on one of their favourite movies: Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. It was more a background noise than actually watching the movie because Alex and Lily knew it almost by heart, but Alex was still sceptical when Lily spent so much time on her phone. Is she texting Matt again? Alex wondered. Although she was over the moon that her friend was successfully keeping a friendship, she still hoped that Lily wouldn't get too attached in case she ended up getting hurt. Matt did seem like a good person in Alex’s eyes, but she couldn’t help feeling protective of her friend even though she was half the reason why Lily and Matt started texting in the first place. Little did Alex know, Lily was absolutely not talking to Matt for once and was preparing the final gifts that were to be given tonight.

The evening arrived and Lily was being even more secretive in Alex’s opinion. The brunette looked like she was waiting for something as she kept checking her phone.

When the doorbell eventually rang, Alex realised that Lily had probably been waiting for guests or food that was being delivered. Well, both of the guesses were true as Lily went to open the front door and Alex’s parents walked in with bags of food in their hands. To say that Alex was shocked was an understatement: she was frozen still on the couch. Alex hadn’t seen her parents since her brother’s birthday is February and speaking of the devil, her brother came running through the door. When he spotted his sister, he gave her the biggest smile possible as Alex stood up and went to hug him before hugging her parents right after. She had missed her family a lot and was absolutely not expecting them to be there with her today.

Alex took a glance at Lily who was talking with her “second” parents and gave a wink to her best friend as if to signify that this was part of her birthday gifts. Indeed, Lily had been texting Alex’s parents for the past couple of weeks in order to plan this and the brunette was very proud of herself for managing to achieve this for Alex.

~~~

After they had finished eating what Alex’s family had brought, it was time to blow the candles on the cake and open the presents. Alex’s brother went to get a small package and an envelope before putting them on the table in front of Alex. The envelope almost made Alex happier than the actual package because she loved when her family would write her birthday cards. However, this year, the birthday card was not alone in the envelope and it would give Alex a reason to be even more excited to open it last.

“Okay so, the package is really soft,” Alex stated after taking it in her hands. “Might be clothes I’d say?”

No one replied as they all wanted Alex to see for herself what was inside. And the result was the famous FreshLove green crew neck that Alex had fallen in love with. The huge smile that appeared on her face showed how over the moon she was to receive this as everything had been sold out so quickly. Alex had never known that Lily had managed to order something but she was explaining that even she was shocked to have succeeded in the “FreshLove war” when the collection was dropped. As to be able to pay less shipping, Lily had ordered it to Alex’s parents’ house as the taxes were surprisingly cheaper in another state than the girls’.

Alex was therefore already overjoyed from her present and couldn’t wait to open the card. As she did so and read what everyone had written, her family was looking at her with expectation while Lily was a bit confused with what they seemed to be waiting for.

“Hey stupid, forget the card”, Alex’s brother said. “Look at what’s inside with it.”

With a middle finger dedicated to her brother, Alex still listened to him and pulled out two pieces of paper linked with paper clips. When she read what was written on it, her jaw physically dropped and she let out a gasp.

“Is it true? Like– it’s not a joke?” Alex asked as she couldn’t believe her eyes.

“What is it?” Lily wondered as her friend was acting weird and she was beginning to get worried.

With the smallest voice possible, afraid that she would wake up and it wouldn’t be real, Alex announced to Lily that they had two tickets to see the Sturniolo Triplets in Atlanta next month. Facing everyone else sitting at the table, the two girls knew it was indeed not a joke when Alex’s parents and brother were just fondly smiling at them. Alex and Lily directly went to hug the authors of this magnificent gift and thanked them a dozen times.

“Well, we knew how much it meant to you and it turns out that your brother has quite good luck buying tickets for whatever”, Alex’s mum explained before asking her husband for confirmation. “You remember when he managed to secure us those tickets for the Elton John concert?”

“Yeah I do,” Alex’s dad replied. “And we hadn’t gifted our second daughter with something for years, so both of you deserve this.”

“Wait–” To say Alex was surprised was an understatement. “You did something nice for me and didn’t simply go with the flow like every year? Who have you become?”

Her brother just laughed at her comment before hugging her. Truth be told, he may have been expecting Lily to start realising how great of a person he was with this gift. Obviously it had first been to make his sister happy, but if he could have a bonus of getting his feelings reciprocated with this good gesture then, why not? Unfortunately for him, Lily had never seen him as more than Alex’s brother and maybe a brother to her as well – Lily didn’t have any siblings so she was compensating with her best friend. Moreover, although it was not an actual crush per say, she had had a certain someone on her mind. Someone who was growing on her day by day and occupying quite a lot of space in Lily’s brain – and maybe heart…

~~~

After Alex’s family had left, the two girls were going upstairs to sleep when Lily called for Alex before going into their respective rooms.

“I don’t know what you’re doing but it’s not over. Don’t you know how to count? Because I do.”

It took Alex a few seconds to realise what Lily was talking about and she started counting on her fingers while whispering each gift she had received.

“Well, I did get eight so I don’t know what you’re on bro.”

“Technically the last one was my gift bringing its own gift so– I have only given you seven and you deserve the eighth before the clock strikes midnight.”

Lily motioned for Alex to follow her into her room and when they were both sitting on the bed, Lily gave a piece of paper to Alex. It had been rolled up and secured with a ribbon, similar to Middle Ages style. Alex immediately knew what she was getting: Lily’s famous birthday letter that could make anyone cry. Lily always knew how to choose the right words and amongst the billions of combinations possible, hers was the most beautiful and elegant one.

Knowing her mental state every year after reading it, Alex first thanked Lily with a hug before going back to her bedroom.

Lily loml🌻

Btw you’re in charge of buying tissues bc it’s your fault my box will end up empty

Ofc! Sorry for the inconvenience

I love you, sleep well<3

Have a good night and love ya too🫶🏻

After Alex’s message, Lily could feel a frown appearing on her face. She knew the effect her letters had on people – especially easily emotional ones like her best friend – but it technically wasn’t her fault. Lily simply wished to convey the feelings she had to the people around her and it seemed they were so well expressed that anyone reading her words would be able to also read Lily’s heart, which was open and free to look inside.

She then thought about the people whose birthday was coming up soon and whom she wanted to write to as an unfamiliar face came into her mind: Matt. Would he appreciate it if I told him how important he has become to me in the half year we’ve known each other? Would it be too much? What could his reaction be to a close stranger admitting their feelings out of nowhere? Does he think of me like I do? What do I even feel? Lily shook her head as nonsense was getting into it. Matt is a dear friend to me and I love writing to my friends.

Lily was a bit confused as she was dealing with the way her relationship with Matt worked. They had been texting for six months and a half, plus had called once a few weeks ago. He had a soothing voice. The type of peaceful and calm voice you’d wanna listen to on a podcast. She tried not to dwell too much on what she was feeling for Matt because Lily knew that she would definitely end up overthinking their friendship or whatever it could turn into from her point of view if she kept it up like that.

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story :) The story is co-written w @/little_grapejuice on wattpad

#christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo #Chris #nick #nick stuniolo #nick sturniolo #nick stuniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #matt #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #versus tour #waterparks band

[honorary-knight-of-favonius]

Kinktober Diluc -Day Twenty Six-

Tags for the day: Sensory deprivation and heat play

Summary: He needed to apologize he needed to get back in her good graces. He'd do anything to hear her voice, to see her, fuck even feel her. He was going insane but thankfully his insanity paid off.

For the next few weeks I adjusted my schedule and continued to ignore Diluc’s messages and calls. I changed to the after midnight shift and was always with Cerpus -Diluc’s dad- who even though was the fuck buddies dad was a dad to everyone who worked at the club which made it a lot more comfortable than being with Diluc. 

“So kiddo I’m not trying to pry but did something happen between you and my boys?” Cerpus asked, in response I turned as red as his hair. 

“Pfft. nothing happened, what would happen, haha, your mistaken Cerpus nothing ever happened between Diluc, Kaeya and I.” I said hurriedly. 

“Uh huh, sure kiddo. Well Diluc asked if you’d want to join our family’s Halloween traditions.” I chuckled. 

“Y-Yeah, no thanks I gotta make sure to pass out candy.” I say. 

“Hmm, I guess I gotta tell Diluc you are avoiding him.” Cerpus said, I whipped my head to the red head. 

“I’m sorry?” I asked

“Diluc believes you're avoiding him. I don’t remember how many times he’s asked me to tell you to respond to his calls and messages. Whatever happened between you two seems to be getting him fired up.” Cerpus said, pouring vodka shots. 

“W-well I mean something did happen and I would like to avoid meeting with him after what happened. A-at least until I can face him without thinking about what happened.” Cerpus hummed and leaned against the counter. 

“Did you confess to him?” He asked

“N-No. . .I Y’know I’m gonna clear that table.” I said excuse myself. Continuing to work. I worked until the club closed and Cerpus and I closed the club with a few other employees and right as he locked up the club he walked me to his car. 

“You really should talk to that boy, he’s been driving me crazy because of you. Alright?” I smiled and drove home. That night I looked at the messages and voicemails Diluc left me. 

“Hey I’m really sorry about Kaeya, he’s a fucking IDIOT! Please return my calls.” 

“I know you probably don’t want to talk. I mean that was clear like 20ish messages and voicemails ago, but I really need to see you, please answer my calls.” 

“Fuckin’ hell Y/n please! I-I know I’m partly to blame for Kaeya catching us b-but I can’t take this anymore, I really can’t. I-I don’t care if you don’t want me to look at you I will literally do anything you want at this point, even if meant having you fuck me with a toy I just need to know your-” The message cut off. 

“Y/n please I. . .I need you. . .I need to hear your voice o-or at least tell me what you want. I feel like I’m going fucking crazy.” 

“I’m sorry I keep calling you and leaving these damn voicemails. I-I know you probably want nothing to do with me after that but I can’t handle you ignoring me. . .” I could hear Diluc cry as he spoke, “Fuck, please call me back. Let me hear your voice. Fuck please~! I-I’ll get on my knees and beg I-I don’t care j-just please~ Please!” The rest of the messages are virtually the same, Diluc crying begging me to answer him. Making it very clear I could do anything to him as long as I went to him. 

I bit my lip and called Diluc, when he answered he sounded like a horse as if he had been crying again but he sniffled and chuckled, “Y/N! I’m so sorry about everything that happened, I-I please come see me.” Diluc whined. 

“I thought you were staying at your dad’s.” I say.

“I-I am. . .b-but I can totally go home!” I looked at the wall and sighed. 

“Those bed strap cuffs you love using on me and a blindfold. I also want you to give me control.” I said, I could hear more sniffles. 

“A-anything else?” 

“I’ll bring the rest. Do you understand?” I asked, I could hear a door open and close then running before both Cerpus and Kaeya’s voice echoed into the phone questioning where the red head was going before I heard dangling keys and another door closed followed by a starting car. 

“How long do I have?” He asked. 

“Thirty-ish minutes depends on traffic.” I say. 

“That’s more than enough time. I’ll guess we’ll meet soon.” I hummed and hung up. I went to my bedroom and got the candles I was given by a friend and a lighter before leaving my apartment heading to Diluc’s.  When I had gotten there I parked and turned off my car ready to get out but rather stayed inside the car. 

“What the fuck are you doing here Y/n? This is really sad even for you.” Is sighed resting my head on the wheel, “Your at your fuck buddy’s house so he can make it up to you for getting caught by his goddamn brother. I should just go home.” I groaned, turning my car back on, then I screamed and turned it back off. 

“God I am pathetic,” cursed, I got a text and opened my phone. 

‘Waiting for you like you.’ This message paired with a winky face made me slam my head into the horn before grabbing my bag and leaving the car park and going to the man’s apartment where I opened the door and saw all the lights but the kitchen’s off. I went to the kitchen and saw a glass of Zinfandel on the counter with the rest of the bottle. I hummed and downed the drink like a shot before snatching the bottle and shaking out the nerves and heading to the bedroom where I saw the redhead strapped to the bed naked in all of his German glory. I snapped myself out of the trance I was in and put the wine bottle on his nightstand, setting my bag down on the bed and digging through it. 

“Italian leather. . .T-that’s the bag I got you right?” Diluc asked hesitantly, he must think I’m someone else. Mainly because if I answered yes he knew I was someone else. He’s never given me a leather bag, actually he’s never given me anything but an orgasm. 

“No, it’s some cheap bag I bought in a thrift store.” I corrected it. The man took a deep sigh and smiled sweetly. 

“I-I thought you wouldn’t come and my servants would see me like this rather than you.” He chuckled, I hummed and took out the bundle of safe sex candles and my lighter before throwing the bag into a chair in the bedroom.  

“A-are you alright? You sound. . .” I was undressing as he was talking but before he could make his own answer I cut him off. 

“I’m drinking your Zinfandel so I’m getting drunk.” 

“S-so you are drinking it. . .Why? You don’t normally drink.” I was left in my underwear and went to the bed again. 

“I’m a quiet drunk, It’ll help me not expose myself to you.” I say. 

“Expose? I told you I don’t care if you use me.” I hummed. 

“Shut up, pretty boy. I’m in control tonight and I will not have you ruining this.” I scolded using a hand to squish his face. He nodded and I took one of the many candles, I chose the golden colored one before lighting it and putting it in a candle holder that just so happened to be empty. 

“Hehe. . .setting the mood is really useless because I-” I grabbed his face again. 

“You talk when you're nervous. If you don’t want this I’ll unstrap you from this bed and leave.” I said, the man tried to sit up but his bounds kept him down. 

“N-No! If you leave now you’ll just keep ignoring me! A-and I can’t handle you ignoring me.” He sounded so hurt. I sighed and plopped my ass on his bed. 

“I’m not doing anything that’ll hurt you.” I say. 

“I-I know you wouldn't, t-that's why I offered my body.” I  hummed and by the time I lit the candle and talked to Diluc it began to melt. I grabbed in and straddled my hips. I quickly tested the wax temperature on the back of my hand before letting the hot substance land on DIluc who gasped and squirmed under me. 

“I-Is that wax?” I slipped my panties to the side and welcomed the man’s cock inside like I had done a few weeks prior, “F-fuck, you feel. . .shit I missed- Damn it that’s hot.” the bartender hissed. I smirked and bounced on his cock as I continued to allow the wax drip onto his body writing the word ‘Mine’ from his chest to his belly button. When I was finally happy with how the message was written I let the wax continue until the flame went out. 

“Y/n? F-fuck a-are you done with the candle?” Diluc moaned. I smirked and put my hands on his chest and pulled him into a passionate kiss as I began to cry. Diluc began struggling before I felt that knot getting tighter and tighter until it unraveled and both Diluc and I came. I of course got off, left the note I had written ages ago and got all dressed before taking my bag and taking off the bindings before heading to the door

“Y/n if you want you can stay the night.” As he finished his words I left the apartment silently crying as I headed to my car. I got in and began driving home only to pull over and turn off the car. 

“D-damn it Diluc! I-I can’t fucking believe I cried while doing that! Damn it! Why did I have to love him!” I rested my head on the wheel crying as I realized my feelings for Diluc weren’t going away and that whole situation made me realize that he only sees me as a fuck buddy. 

“I don’t believe in god, please go away.” Just then I heard my own voice. 

“Why did I have to love him?!. . .Damn it Diluc!” I opened my eyes to see the red head with the sweetest smile and some kind of bag in one hand while the other held his phone. 

“If I knew you felt the same I would’ve asked you out a lot sooner.” He laughed. I went bright red and ran to my bedroom and hid myself under the blanket in shame. He followed me and planted a sweet kiss on my embarrassed state before leaving for my kitchen. Throughout the entire day Diluc took care of my hangover state and reassured me he did love me, only making me even more embarrassed than before. 

Taglist:

@stygianoir @yunadxd @akenofujihara

#genshin x reader #genshin impact smut #genshin imagines #sub!genshin #genshin impact #kinktober #sub!genshin impact #dom!reader #sub!diluc #Favonian Archive

[mostlymaudlin]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me. 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

544,914. (again. woagh)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)

man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!

anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading! 

i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha 

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA

16. What are your writing strengths?

characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.  

ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.

that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3

#my writing

[theycallmeratt]

A little something for Wyll week :)

Date

Many years had passed since Wyll left his hometown, and while he hadn't planned on returning with horns he was glad to be back. Glad, too, that most people weren't as hostile here as he'd feared they could be, and glad to be sleeping in the finest (cleanest) room in Elfsong, Karlach alive and ready to play cards whenever they weren't needed. He could nearly pretend they weren't gearing up to fight a giant brain. A monster hunter's pinnacle! That was how he would think about it.

Bird song filled the morning air, his tea steamed, Karlach had claimed the table they liked outside and he'd just opened to the crossword when a familiar tickling hit his frontal lobe and a voice like rotten treacle cooed, "Wylly!"

Twenty-four. He didn't answer. He never answered when Mizora used his sending stone. If she wanted an answer, she could talk to him out loud, not through his eye, in a voice that didn't sound like she was trying to cover up poison with honey.

"It's her, isn't it?" Karlach said. "You always get this look like you're going to vomit out of your ears."

"Glad I've finally taught the pup not to jump all over me when I call," Mizora crooned.

Nine. Nine more words until the stone stopped working for the day and she would be out of his brain.

"Today's a special date."

Five. Gods, whatever she was going to say would be awful.

"Why don't you just—" Karlach tapped the side of her eye.

Excellent idea. He popped his eye out and set it on the table, catching a faint, "Happy—" before she was gone. Only four words left in the spell, but they were probably vile.

"She's reminding me that today the anniversary of the day I signed," he explained.

"Really? The day you single-handedly saved the city? That calls for celebration. We should make a day of it! We could buy you an eye. A shut-up eye."

"Or go to the circus again. This time without a deranged clown attack. We could get more makeup and sneak it into Astarion's bag."

"One day he's going to kill us."

"Nah, it's all in good fun. Now, if we put it on him while he was trancing…"

"Wyll. I thought you were a good guy!"

Wyll held up his hands, palms out. "I am! I am."

Karlach picked up the eye and made a face. "Gods, she is so mean in only four words. How do I work this again?"

"You simply think—"

"Fuck you, too!"

"No, you think… wait. I have a better idea."

Wyll took it. He wasn't a musician, but he did currently room with a bard who loved to come up with the most earworm-y diddies and even Mizora had lost her cool over the most recent song. In his thoughts he sang, "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, you know my lodgings, call on me, maybe."

Just to give Mizora something to mull over. Enrichment was very important for devilish contract holders.

Karlach leaned back, looking up at their room. A tenday ago Tav finally hit a breaking point—Tav, of all people!—and turned Mizora to stone. Luckily the spell didn't trigger anything in their contract, which made sense; Mizora was technically still alive and technically able to communicate. "Wanna go dress her up? What would she hate more? Clashing pinks or something that actually covers skin?"

"According to her, I have the worst taste in fashion. So, my clothes."

"Your clothes in pink!"

Wyll could do that. He looked good in pink.

"All of the above, with clown makeup," he suggested.

"It's a date."

#bg3 wyll #wyll ravengard #bg3 fanfic #bg3 karlach #bg3 mizora #wyll week 2024 #wyllweek2024

[fullstcp]

"The Last Five Years" Sentence Starters

STILL HURTING

"He/she/they is/are over and he/she/they is/are gone."

"He's/she's/they've decided it's time to move on."

"He/she/they has/have new dreams he's/she's/they're building upon."

"I'm still hurting."

"He/she/they arrived at the end of the line."

"He's/she's/they're convinced that the problems are mine."

"He's/she's/they're probably feeling just fine."

"What about lies?"

"What about things that you swore to be true?"

"What about you?"

"He's/she's/they're sure something wonderful died."

"He/she/they decide(s) it's his/her/their right to decide."

"He's/she's/they've got secrets he/she/they do(es)n't confide."

"Go and hide and run away."

"Run away, run and find something better."

"Run away like it's simple. Like it's right."

"Give me a day."

"Bring back the lies. Hang them back on the wall."

"Maybe I'd see how you could be so certain that we had no chance at all."

"He's/she's/they're over and where can I turn?"

"Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn."

"But that wouldn't change the fact."

"That wouldn't speed the time."

SHIKSA GODDESS

"I'm breaking my mother's/father's heart."

"If you had a tattoo, that wouldn't matter."

"Now I'm getting somewhere."

"I'm finally breaking through."

"I've been waiting for someone like you."

"The minute I first met you I could barely catch my breath."

"I've been standing for days with the phone in my hand like an idiot, scared to death."

"Well, nobody's perfect."

"It's tragic, but it's true."

"You are the story I should write."

"Just tell me what to do."

"I think that I could be in love with someone like you."

SEE I'M SMILING

"I guess I can't believe you really came."

"See, I'm smiling. That means I'm happy that you're here."

"See, we're laughing."

"I think we're gonna be okay."

"We'll have to try a little harder."

"Who knows where else we can go?"

"I think you're really gonna like this show."

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't suck."

"I think we both can see what could be better."

"I'll own when I was wrong."

"With all we've had to go through, we'll end up twice as strong."

"We'll start again this weekend."

"I didn't know you had to go so soon."

"I thought we had a little time."

"Look, whatever, if you have to then you have to."

"We'll have tonight."

"You know what makes me crazy?"

"I'm sorry, can I say this?"

"And you are gonna choose somebody else to be with?"

"That's exactly what you're doing."

"You could be here with me or be there with them."

"As usual, guess which you pick."

"You do not have to go to another party with the same twenty jerks you already know."

"You could stay with your wife/husband/spouse on her/his/their fucking birthday!"

"I know in your soul it must drive you crazy that you won't get to play with your little girlfriend/boyfriend."

"You can't spend a single day that's not about you and you and nothing but you."

"I swear to God I'll never understand, how you can stand there straight and tall. And see I'm crying and not do anything at all."

MOVING TOO FAST

"Did I just hear an alarm start ringing?"

"Did I see sirens go flying past?"

"I don't know what tomorrow's bringing."

"I've got a singular impression that things are moving too fast."

"I just expected it ten years later."

"I'm never worried to walk the wire."

"I won't do anything just half-assed."

"I found a woman/man I love."

"Some people analyze every detail."

"Some people stall when they can't see the trail."

"Some people freeze out of fear that they'll fail."

"Some people can't find success with their art."

"Some people never feel love in their heart."

"Some people can't tell the two things apart."

"Maybe I can't follow through."

"What else am I supposed to do?"

"I'm doing things I never dreamed of before!"

"My heart's been stolen."

"My ego's swollen."

"It's hard not to be sure I'm spinning out of control."

"I'm feeling panicked and rushed and hurried."

"I'm feeling outmaneuvered and outclassed."

"But I'm so happy I can't get worried."

A PART OF THAT

"One day it's just a typical life."

"And then he'll/she'll/they'll smile."

"And I'm a part of that."

"Next day, it's just like it never happened."

"We're making dinner."

"We're making plans."

"And then he/she/they smile(s). His/her/their eyes light up, and I how can I complain?"

"Yes, he's/she's/they're insane. But look what he/she/they can do."

"I tend to follow in his/her/their stride, instead of side by side."

"I take his/her/their cure."

"True, but there's no question, there's no doubt."

"I said I'd stick it out and follow through."

"Then he/she/they smile(s) and where else can I go?"

"I didn't know the rules do not apply."

"And then he/she/they smile(s) and nothing else makes sense."

THE SCHMUEL SONG

"If I only had time."

"You'll get to be happy."

"I give you unlimited time."

"Maybe it's just that you're afraid to go out onto a limb."

"Maybe your heart's completely swayed, but your head can't follow through."

"Shouldn't I want the world to see the brilliant girl/boy who inspires me?"

"Don't you think that now's a good time to be the ambitious freak you are?"

"Have I mentioned today how lucky I am to be in love with you?"

A SUMMER IN OHIO

"I could have a mansion on a hill."

"All things considered, I guess you don't have to buy it."

"He/she/they want(s) me, but he/she/they ain't gonna get me."

"I found my guiding light."

"Look at me, look at him/her/them."

"Son of a bitch, I guess I'm doing something right."

"I finally got something right!"

"The torture is just exquisite while I'm waiting for you to visit."

"So hurry up, schmuck, get unstuck and get on the scene."

THE NEXT TEN MINUTES

"Will you share your life with me for the next ten minutes?"

"We can handle that."

"Just holding you might compel me to ask you for more."

"There are so many lives I want to share with you."

"I will never be complete until 'I do'."

"I am not always on time."

"Please don't expect that from me."

"I will be late, but if you can just wait I will make it eventually."

"Not like it's in my control."

"Not like I'm proud of the fact."

"I don't know why people run."

"I don't know why things fall through."

"I don't know how anybody survives in this life without someone like you."

"I could say no and goodbye. But why?"

"I want to be your wife/husband."

"I want to bear your child."

"I want to die knowing I had a long, full life in your arms."

"That I can do."

"Forever, with you."

"'Til the world explodes."

"'Til there's no one left who has ever known us apart."

"There are so many dreams I need to see with you."

"There are so many years I need to be with you."

"Isn't that the museum?"

"Can we go see the dinosaurs?"

A MIRACLE WOULD HAPPEN / WHEN YOU COME HOME TO ME

"I mean, I'm happy."

"And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine."

"It's not a problem, just a challenge."

"I'm the center of attention. I'm the grand fromage."

"Which is dumb - I shouldn't care what she/he/they think(s) since I can't fuck her/him/them anyway!"

"You know I love her/him/them."

"When you come home to me I'll wear a sweeter smile and hope that for a while, you'll stay."

"Soon, our love will rise anew."

"It's even greater than the joy I felt just missing you."

"Once again, I'll be so proud to call you mine."

"I swear I'll be there soon."

"Don't give up on me yet."

"I am so proud of you, baby."

"You're doing what you never get to do before."

"Don't lose faith."

"Don't get down."

"Don't despair."

"I'll be there."

"We're gonna make it through."

"And nothing else will matter."

CLIMBING UPHILL

"I'm climbing uphill."

"I'm up every morning at six."

"I am a good person."

"I'm an attractive person."

"I am a talented person."

"Grant me Grace!"

"Why am I working so hard?"

"I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels to be trotting along at the genius' heels."

"I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by."

IF I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN YOU

"But what's it really about?"

"Can we please for a minute stop blaming and say what you feel?"

"Did you think this would all be much easier than it's turned out to be?"

"If I didn't believe in you, we'd never have gotten this far."

"If I didn't think you could do anything you ever wanted to. If I wasn't certain that you'd come through somehow. The fact of the matter is, I wouldn't be standing here now."

"If I didn't believe in you, we wouldn't be having this fight."

"Don't we get to be happy?"

"Don't we get to relax?"

"And, if I'm cheering on your side, why can't you support mine?"

"Why do I have to feel I've committed some felony doing what I always swore I would do?"

"I don't want you to hurt."

"I don't want you to sink."

"But you know what I think?"

"I think you'll be fine. Just hang on and you'll see."

"But don't make me wait 'til you do to be happy with you."

"No one can give you courage."

"No one can thicken your skin."

"I will not fail so you can be comfortable."

"I will not lose because you can't win."

"If I hadn't believed in you, I wouldn't have loved you at all."

I CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT

"My best friend had a little situation at the end of their senior year."

"I thought about what I wanted, it wasn't like that at all."

"I gave up my life for the better part of a year."

"I'm starting to feel like this maybe might work."

"Just love me."

"You don't have to change a thing."

"Just stay with me."

"I want you and nothing but you."

"Finally I'll have something worthwhile to think of each morning."

"Nothing but you. No substitution will do."

"Nothing but fresh, undiluted and pure top of the line. And totally mine."

"I don't need any lifetime commitments."

"I don't need to get hitched tonight."

"I don't want you to throw up all your walls and defenses."

"I don't mean to put on any pressure, but I know when a thing is right."

"It feels like my life led right to your side."

"Think about what you wanted."

"Think about what could be."

"Think about how I love you."

"Say you'll move in with me."

"Think of what's great about me and you."

"Think of the bullshit we've both been through."

"Think of what's past because we can do better than that."

NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW

"You look like an angel."

"I don't remember when we fell asleep."

"I made a promise and I took a vow."

"I wrote a story and we changed the ending."

"Hold on, facts are facts."

"Nobody needs to know."

"All right, it's over, it's done."

"No one will understand."

"Then I start making conscious, deliberate mistakes."

"All that I ask for is one little corner. One private room at the back of my heart."

"Come back to bed."

"I promise I won't lie to you."

"I won't let you go."

"And since I have to be in love with someone. Since I need to be in love with someone, maybe I could be in love with someone like you."

GOODBYE UNTIL TOMORROW / I COULD NEVER RESCUE YOU

"Don't kiss me goodbye again."

"Leave this night clean and quiet."

"You want the last word."

"You want me to laugh."

"But leave it for now."

"All you can say, all you can feel, was wrapped up inside that one perfect kiss."

"Goodbye until tomorrow."

"Goodbye until the next time you call."

"I will be waiting."

"Goodbye 'til I recall how to breathe."

"And I have been waiting. I have been waiting for you."

"Goodbye until the rest of my life."

"It's not about another shrink."

"It's not about another compromise."

"I'm not the only one who's hurting here."

"I don't what the hell is left to do."

"I could never rescue you. No matter how I tried."

"All I could do was love you hard, and let you go."

"All I could do was love you. God, I loved you so."

"So we could fight. Or we could wait. Or I could go."

"I didn't see a way we both could win."

"Goodbye until I'm done thanking God."

"Just close the gate. I'll stand and wait."

"Goodbye."

#rp memes #rp starters #rp prompts #rp lyric meme #lyric prompts #lyric starters #roleplay starters #roleplay prompts #sentence starters #not the old me. 2.0 me. no it's all of meme combined (ask meme) #when there was me and queue (queue) #( this feels really long. but there are just so many good lines in this show )

[orangeinecstasy]

cup of music ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟryan mcmahon

✧: part two

paring: ryan x fem!oc

summery: ryan comes into the record store that erin works at. there's a spark between the two of them, but who will have the confidence to make the first move?

a/n: hey everyone! so i originally uploaded these to wattpad, but i wanted to have a bit of a platform change. please let me know what you guys think. my requests are currently open so please feel free to send in an idea you have. enjoy!

wc: 1.6 k

*reblogs, likes, and feedback and greatly appreciated!!

It was another slow Saturday working at Cup of Music. A silly name, I know, but this place has kept me employed for the past two years so I could get over it. Working here was like a breath of fresh air, especially after classes all day. There aren't many record stores with a cafe, so being able to work there felt special.

Sadly, today was a typical rainy Dublin afternoon. As I walked into the shop, I got a few greetings from the people already working as I walked to the staff room to hang up my bag and umbrella. Even with the rainy weather, the feeling outside was warm, causing the store windows to fog around the edges because of the conflicting temperatures. I smoothed out the black fabric of my dress as I walked back into Cup of Music, going to the record shop where I worked.

I gently hummed, Love Me by the 1975 as I settled behind the counter, taking the book I hit underneath it and setting it out, the day seeming slow and the book giving me something to do. I looked around the shop, making sure that there wouldn't be anyone coming up to the counter within the next few minutes before opening the place where I had left off.

After thirty minutes of just standing there reading, I heard the soft bell that sounded when someone entered the shop, interrupting the soft, slightly jazzy music playing over the shop's speakers. That's when I saw him. His hair was damp, and the t-shirt clinging to his shoulders and chest was also presumably damp. Our eyes met briefly as the old wooden shop floors whined underneath his feet as he shifted from record-box to record-box. I didn't know what it was, but something about him made me unable to take my eyes off him.

After a few moments of staring at him, I realized what I was doing and quickly darted my eyes away from his direction. 'Fuck, Erin, he's going to think you're crazy.' I thought, trying to make myself look busy as I slipped a business card into my book and set it aside. 'You got this. You help cute boys check out all the time.' my brain rambles to itself, trying to keep calm as I fidget with the rings on my fingers.

Once about fifteen minutes had passed, he came up to the check-out, setting the records down records on the band sticker-covered counter. "Just these?" I pull my knotted hands away from each other, trying to see more claims than I actually am. "Yeah, thank you." his eyes met mine, lips curling up into the most genuine smile I've ever seen.

"Got ya," I nod, returning the smile as I scan all the records, placing them into a neat pile before slipping them into one of the store's boxes so they would stay upright and not bend. "That'll be fifty-five" he reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a slightly tattered black wallet to which he hands me three twenties. I take it, grabbing his change and the receipt, before pushing the box of vinyls across the counter to allow him to pick it up more quickly. Handing him his change was almost like a spark shot through my body.

Quickly, I pull my hand away, an awkward laugh accompanying my smile. "Thanks for shopping with us. I hope you have a nice day." he chuckled gently at my reaction, slipping the change back into his wallet and picking up his box. "You too." He smiled, then turned and left.

'You definitely fucked that one up,' my lips pinched together, watching him walk out of the store, knowing there was an extremely slim chance that I would ever see him again.

Thankfully, the rest of the day went by quickly. There were a couple more customers, but it was not a super buy because it was a weekday. So after my shift, I simply went home, thinking about the guy from earlier in the day.

A few days had passed since my last shift, but one of my closer coworkers had an emergency and asked me to fill in. A part of me was sad to miss the day off, but oh well. I picked out my clothes for the day, deciding to put on dark-washed high-waisted jeans and a white loose-knit top that let the black bra I was wearing underneath be exposed. Finally, I slipped on my Docs, threw my stuff in a bag, and headed out the door.

I did my usual routine, saying hi to my coworkers and setting my stuff in the back. However, when I got back out, I saw Record Boy again, but this time he was with another person. Tall, dreads that hung loosely around his face. The pair sat at the table in the corner. When our eyes met, he was in the middle of telling the other something. I could feel myself blush slightly, his eyes widening as what he talked about seemed to slip his mind. The tall one turned around, looking at me, to which I quickly stopped looking at the pair and settled at my usual spot behind the counter. I heard the taller laugh while Record Boy told him to shut up. I pulled my attention away from them and focused on the task at hand.

A few minutes passed, and the taller one approached the counter. "Hey, I was wondering if I could ask you for an album recommendation?" his elbows were resting on the counter, causing him to lean over slightly. "Oh, yeah, for sure," I smile, moving away from the counter, "just follow me." he nods, following behind me as I find the right section.

"Okay, S… S… Sm, ah-ha!" after flipping through a few sections, I finally find The Smiths' Meat is Murder. "This is my favorite the Smiths album." I shrug, the two of us sharing a friendly laugh as I hand him the album. "If you're unsure, I can set you up a listening room. Your friend can join if he wants to." I look past the taller, seeing that Record Boy is already looking in our direction.

"Hmm, yeah, that'd be nice. Hey Ryan," he turns to look at Record Boy, whose name is now presumably Ryan, before pausing, "I don't think I caught your name." he looked back at me. "Oh! I'm Erin."

"Erin's going to set us up in a listening booth. Get your ass over here." he waved him over, Ryan clearly looking embarrassed. "Josh, I'm going to kill you," he said, trying to whisper somewhat but failing.

"You two can just follow me this way" My eyes flash from Josh's to Ryan's, where we hold eye contact for a beat longer before I take them to one of the listing booths in the back. Josh hands me the record back, which allows me to place it on the turntable. "All you guys have to do is set the needle on the record and put on the headphones. Feel free to take as long as you guys need."

"Thanks, Erin." Josh smiles cheekily, glancing over at Ryan and nudging his arm, to which he clears his throat. "Yeah, thanks."

'Well, that was weird….' I smile slightly before walking away and returning to my place at the counter.

I could hear the two loudly whispering to each other. Though I couldn't quite make out the words, I could definitely tell that they were arguing. Soon enough, Josh pushed Ryan forward, making him stumble slightly before he walked the few steps to the counter. "I'd like to get this, please." he set The Smith's record on the counter, eyes darting from the record to me. "Hell yeah, that's a great choice. I'm glad you ended up enjoying it!" my smile is bright as I pick up the record, scan it, and slip it into some protective cardboard before allowing him to pay and leave.

He picks up the packaged record, saying a small thank you before walking away. However, he only takes a few steps before turning and coming back to the counter. "Okay, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about you after the first time I saw you a couple days ago, and I was wondering if I could get your number and the two of us could go out sometime?" He rambled slightly, fingers pushing through his hair as he spoke.

Honestly, I was shocked, but a part of me was glad he had the same first impression. "Yeah, I'd actually like that a lot. Let me just find something to write on.." I glance around their counter, finding a silver Sharpie but no scraps of paper or anything. "You can just write on this." he set the packaged record back on the counter to allow me to write down my name and number. "Just text me any time." I pass the record back, and he takes it, looking down at my shiny information and smiling. "Will do, Erin!" his smile was even brighter than the first one he had given me, and as he walked out, I knew this would be the start of a beautiful relationship.

I saw Josh waiting outside for Ryan through the shop window. Because they were far, I couldn't hear what they were saying, but once Ryan flipped the packaged record around, I saw Josh's hand clap him on the back before the two walked off happily.

"Idiots." I laugh, my smile still not fading from before, as the realization of me and Record Boy Ryan are going out sinks in.

#inhaler dublin x reader #ryan mcmahon #inhaler oneshot #inhaler dublin #inhaler band #josh jenkinson #eli hewson #elijah hewson #robert keating #bobby skeetz

[black-cat-aoife]

Tagged by @kathastrophen

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

somehow I need to write words before typing the number 55 because otherwise this very functioning website fucks up the formatting

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

77,339

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Sad Cops The last ones were for Blind Ermittelt, Detective Anna, Endeavour and Polizeiruf Frankfurt.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In Which Everybody Regrets Their Life Choices (Daredevil)

The Tale of the Beautiful Professor (Guardian)

Tee Mit Folgen (Tatort Berlin)

Adam, Vincent und die Eule (Polizeiruf Frankfurt)

A Sickbed Visitor (Society of Gentlemen)

OK, technically there's another Daredevil Fic on 2, but it's a collection of shorter fills for a prompt meme so does that count?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. I try to respond to all but occasionally fall in the "Oh yeah I will do that later" trap where I...y'know...don't do it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I had a whole paragraph here, about how I don't usually write Angst and wanted to name a few sort-of-angsty ones, and then I remembered, that I did in fact write Never To Be Told which is very angsty.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A lot, but Look Not Into My Eyes has a veeeery sappy ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

None yet

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Well, if you equate "crazy" with "nobody but me wrote it" then it's my Ein Fall For Zwei/Tatort Saarbrücken Crossover. But honestly: a crossover between two crime shows that feature abusive dads whose heads make sudden contact with blunt instruments and the resulting fallout from that is not particularly crazy. I also have this idea for a Blind Ermittelt/Allmen one, but as it's so often the case that's all vibes, no plot so far.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I once wanted to, and we even discussed some plot ideas, but then I got ghosted

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Yeah, Niko/Alex caught me like few others, but I also always will have a soft spot for Till/Felix

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Currently, I'm having a really hard time with my Alex & Sophie pre-canon fic, because it requires writing Alex shortly after the attack, and I am not sure if I can do that.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm quite good at character-voices, both in dialogue and when internal-monologuing

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Getting from one scene to the next. Also in dialogues the right amount of surrounding description. I tend to start off with a screenplay, and then turn it into character says one sentence, followed by three paragraphs of description.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I hate it. Either your POV character understands what is said, and then you can tell the audience what is being said, or they don't, and then you just write "they were talking in XY." Don't make me use Google Translate to understand your fic. And don't make me read phrases like heiße schokolade mit gepeitschter creme, because your foreign language knowledge also comes from Google Translate. (That is an example from an actually published book, but my feelings on that transcend the fanfic/pubfic barrier, and I also read enough bullshit in fanfic).

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. As in write-write. I don't think I ever wrote down any of the Sailor Moon self insert I made up.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Hmm I wrote A Sickbed Visitor with me as the target audience in mind, and considering that, I am quite happy that it also ended up being reasonably popular. Because this is the fanfiction for a romance series that doesn't feature one of the main couples but the friendship between two halves of different couples. (Yeah. Having fun writing something is nice. Validation is also nice)

And Es Wird Wieder ein Sommer is well...it's not the same, because it is an Alex/Niko fic, and I always meant it to be one, but it's also about Laura and her relationship with those two and that was lots of fun to think about and write.

No pressure tag for @cricrithings and @tatzelwyrm

#about aoife #on writing

[aropride]

i am losing it the tiniest bit .

googling like "my mother treats me like a child" or wgatever just brings up like ppl talking abt their mothers not wanting them to grow up or not giving them enough freedom which is a valid problem and one i have but it is a completely different problem from the one im looking for information on which is that i am a 20 year old man and my mother babytalks at me like a four year old on a regular basis. its drivng me fucking crazy but i dont want to argue and she wouldnt listen anyway she'd probably just be like "i dont do that" which .okay. but like holy fucking shit it is SO annoying and demeaning and WEIRD.

and like i can handle it when she treats me like. a teenager. like whatever im 20 close enough i dont care. but when she treats me like im 10. or 7. or fucking 4. its like. what the fuck is your problem.

and like okay i was thinking abt this the other day bc i was talking 2 my dad like just hanging out and he was treating me like a Person and like. idk i feel like when he had kids he was Expecting and Excited for us to turn into little people with our own thoughts and free will (maybe not the transgender communist thing i think that was a bit far but he's always been supportive in terms of like. me being my own person otherwise).

and my dad volunteers at church with some of the kids like 9-12 age range, and a lot of them have rough home lives and 'act out' cuz of that and he's very patient with them and helps them with what theyre going thru and generally just acts like theyre little people. because they ARE little people. like he genuienly cares for those kids and is always like... taking them to the park and stuff but also like, being character witness for their parents' custody battles n shit like actually helping and suppotying them.

whereas my mother volunteers at church with babies and toddlers and its almost like she sees them as pets. and will complain abt them being annoying or MEAN if they cry or dont want to play with her. like she's nice to them but she will complain abt it as if theyre trying to spite her

and i feel like she didnt become a parent bc she wanted to raise a small human i feel like she just wanted a pet. and shes been better with my sister but when i was a kid the second i was like 6 and developed some free will she kinda like. Moved on from me LOL. and stopped caring abt me outside of like. buying food. wire mother type shit. idk it's just really obvious that my dad cares abt these kids as people but my mother cares abt them for only as long as they dont upset her or do something she doesnt want them to. if that makes sense

and idk its like. i am 20 years old. im not going to go back to a 4 year old with no sense of the world outside of u because I AM TWENTY YEARS OLD. I HAVE LIVED ALONE IN SCHOOL I HAVE GONE TO THE DMV I HAVE WORKED A JOB I HAVE DEALT WITH MEDICAL EMERGENCIES ON MY OWN . i have had to make my way through every single social problem and mental health problem and shit since i was SIX bc thats when she stopped giving a shit about me. im not a child anymore

but i think its also part of why im so fucking bad at Being An Adult. bc she never taught me how do to any of this shit bc she was busy pretending im still a little kid. and now im too anxious to figure out how to do things on my own and i dont know how to ask for help and everything is very overwhelming and she tells me she wants me to get a job but doesnt help and she acts like she wants me to leave but she doesnt tell me that or help me leave and i am SO FUCKING SICK of living at home but i dont have the money or the skills to get out

and she's NEVER helped me with adult stuff either . the only thing i can think of is when she took me to the bank bc i needed her signature to take her off my bank account . otherwise my dad has been the one to help me with college applications + college stuff in general + finances + jobs etc etc . whereas my mother ACTIVELY LIES TO ME ABOUT THOSE THINGS TO TRY TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MY OWN DEBIT CARD !!!!!!!!!!

and it's this fucking exhausting mix of signals where she's like "u need to get a job u need to learn to drive u need to do this and that" but also she Literally , not exageratting , treats and talks to me like i am a child . i am so fucking sick of it it's unreal . i am going to lose my fucking mind .

#text #neg #really long post abt my mother U dont have 2 read it im just going fucking crazy