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#how am i meant to find something that makes me happy when im so tired of being here in the first place

gor3rri · 10 days

Text

💭ARRANGED TOGETHER

❕PAIR❕: (! husband!) Im Changkyun X Reader (!wife!)

❕GENRE❕: Realistic, Romantic, deep, Fluff-smut, !unprotected sex!raw!cum eating, grabbing!

❕SUMMARY❕: You find yourself in the pov of your husband, Im Changkyun. He’s good just like a normal husband material but thinks deeply of everything he does. Serious but a sweetheart. He fulfils all your wishes. He’s completely opposite to you. You’re an ambivert.

❕AUTHOR’S NOTE❕: This Context contains kissing , touchiness and etc. It’s a realistic way of looking through scenarios which might look real in future i.e it’s how he might behave if you were married to him in real life. It’s a little smutty which makes it appropriate for ages 18+.

❕DISCLAIMER ❕: English is not my first language so if you witness anything off while reading of spelling of punctuation, just know ㅠㅠThe context is just scripted and not meant to be taken seriously by anyone. It’s just for fun - ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES.

❕CONTEXT❕: MONSTA X members also mentioned (some areas) and y/n(you)- darling or often by her real name ; Im Changkyun - Kyun, Love, I.M, Danny etc.

❕WARNING❕: MINORS PLEASE KEEP AWAY CAUSE THIS DOES HAVE SENSITIVE CONTENT NOT TOO MUCH IN THE STARTING BUT DEEP WAY IN THERE.

“Are you awake yet?”you asked your husband as you turn to his side of the bed, in a sleepy tone. You were restless because of yesterday. You’re a housewife but you spent most of the time helping Changkyun’s father in the Lab. His father is a famous known professor in Pohang-si , Postech University of Science and Technology. As a kid you did well in science and wanted to pursue it but unfortunately couldn’t get enough in finals and you gave up and made ur hobby ur job. You were a Science teacher in a school in Gwangju. So in your free time, you would help his father in research. You were more than qualified but only you couldn’t get in a good college and ended up as a teacher instead.

“Changkyun..? You said again in a sleepy tone while still in bed. You couldn’t find him at his side of the bed so you woke up and went to look for him. It was your day off today. Sunday of course. You were searching for him as you wanted to tell him something. You went downstairs to check. You couldn’t find him there so you also went ground floor. You guys had a ground floor pool and a small living room so basically the house was like 5 floors with a basement. You were at fourth floor which was a ground floor. You finally found him.

“Kyun-ssi?”you said slowly. As you say, he turned to you slowly. He had a book in his hand which he put down as he saw you. “Oh your awake?” He said while approaching you slowly. “You never rush. Is there something you want me to know?” He asked as he came close. “Kyun, good morning” you said. “Don’t tell me you just rushed downstairs to wish me morning. You were tired. Yesterday dad called me to tell you that you don’t need to rush in the work anymore. He’s thankful to you that you stayed the night in the lab, testing the samples. And so I didn’t wake you up.” He said as he looked into your eyes. “It’s my job. If I know stuff I can offer help. My family is more to me hence I don’t think I’ll be tired but he don’t need to thank me :)” you said while smiling and looking down. He went to the table to put the book back in the shelf. “I miss my parents so helping him made me happy. I can say I have two parents now.” You said while helping him. He then stopped what he was doing and look at you. “Do you miss your parents hm?” He asked you ,worrying about you. “I do”. you said while putting the last book in the shelf. “It’s decided, I’ll be taking you to Busan.” He said holding your hand. “Kyun, you’re busy and so am I? It’s okay you don’t need to. I just missed them. I can always call th-“ you were about to finish your sentence but he cut you up by saying “Y/N your stressed and you need relaxation, taking a week leave from work won’t be a problem plus, I hired a person who can do the work when I’m not at work, it’s all fine.” He said while holding your other hand.

You were once upset with your parents cause they didn’t let you think about your marriage. And they made the decision themselves without even considering your opinion. But seemed like you were married to a good person. Im Changkyun was a Biomedical engineer, owned three big Research Companies. He was qualified, rich and stable. He won’t let you pay for anything. He’s caring and loving. You never thought your arrange marriage would lead you two to fall for each other. For now you’re just caring towards each other. Love each other as well. You guys have known each other 70% out of 100% in these 1 year. Since you were upset, you forgot about their caring nature too. Why would a parent want their child to marry someone unknown. Changkyun’s parents and your parents knew each other well but you didn’t so that’s why you found it to be difficult for you to adjust in an arranged way. Hence you forgot about them. You accepted and realised your mistakes and decided to apologise to them.

“Y/N, get ready in some time. We’re leaving soon”said Changkyun. “Kyun..” you said slowly. “Hm?” He said while turning to your side. “What about you..? Us..? I don’t even spend my time with you..it’s been a year, we haven’t progressed..and mom (in law) was expecting us to be paren-“ he again cut you off. “Whenever you’re ready I’ll be as well. I don’t want you to worry about anyone anymore. As you say there’s a right time for everything to happen. It’s okay Y/N” he said while holding your hands “just get ready.” You nodded and went upstairs.

He made you breakfast this time. You didn’t knew that he already made breakfast. You were in a hurry to make breakfast so you bathed quickly but it turned out that he already did everything for you. Watered the plants, gave the food to the fishes in the pond and yes you two owned an aquarium since fishes made you feel happy and calm, cooked breakfast and put the clothes in laundry, almost everything. “Kyun..thank you” you said to him while he was plating the dishes. “If a wife can do things like taking care of everyone and being as grateful to us, a small gesture everyday and some help from my side wouldn’t cause harm right?” He said while smiling and looking at you. You kept looking at his eyes. “You came here to live the rest of your life with me at 22 years, and you thought I never felt you? We all love you and care for you okay? Just the way you do for all of us, in fact I can say that you work more than what all of us here do. I respect you, Y/N. He said while coming closer to you. “You’re talented and admirable, I do know that getting married to someone you don’t know properly could be hard but you made it smooth in just a year, darling.”

“Darling” you thought in your mind. How can someone be so good? Charming in both the ways- by nature and by looks as well. Usually people with good looks turn out to be cruel but him, his just so caring. He spoke less but his eyes says a lot about me. He called me by my name always but the way he used the word “darling” for me is just so.. I’m not flattered but it isn’t the word. It’s more than what I thought. He said he respects me. Men these days lose their temper and respect for women even when they do hard work but it seems like today’s the day __th[day]_____[month] and _____[year] , my perspective towards my husband changed. Getting to know that he loves me so much would always be my favourite feeling.

You hugged him and couldn’t say anything but it all was so self explanatory to him. “The food tastes amazing, Kyun.” You say while taking a bite out of the steak he made for you. “This is just what I could serve to you. We’re not late okay? Just chew your food properly.” He said wiping your lips with a tissue. “Oh oops” you say while holding the tissue he used. “Let me take care of you since you’re leaving your husband for a week cause I won’t be there” he said. “Your not staying?oh I forgot.” you say while taking a bite out of your food. “Mhm. I have to check on the companies whether they have shown any new information.” he said while taking his plate to the counter. “Im done, when you’re done, just keep the dishes on the counter. I’ll ask Ms. Shin to clean them because the dishwasher isn’t working due to some technical issues.” he said leaving the kitchen.

You put the dishes on the counter and waited for him downstairs with your bags. “Im here!” Said Changkyun. “Ready?” He said holding your bags. “Kyun it’s okay I can carry them since you did a lot for me already.” you say grabbing the bags. “Let me do my job, Im Y/N” he said taking them bags to the car. “Im Y/N, I love the way you call me by my full name, Im Changkyun!” You said in a little teasing tone. “Mmhm, my lady”

These little gestures he shows you is his best charm. Not too physical not too touchy. The words he uses are magical to you. Even the simplest word becomes as expensive as gold. “The car smells good” you said after getting in the passager’s seat. “It was the perfume I used haha” he said while taking the car keys. “Mason Margiella- burnt wood and whiskey 🥃 is what it smells like” you say while looking at him. “You seem to know what your husband smells like hm? Soo keeping everything aside, where’s your destination Mrs. Im?” He asked you teasingly. You chuckled and answered “oh please take your passanger to her Parents house.” “Of course, of course, fasten your seat belt, I don’t want you to get hurt.” He said while fastening the seat belt for you. “Thank you.” You said smiling at him.

AUTHOR : You guys then reach to the desired destination.

“Oh my my!” Said your mother you look so much healthy my baby! “Yea mom and I missed you guys, Im staying here for a week so that I can spend some time with you guys after I left in sorrow.” You say while hugging both of your parent. Changkyun saw the tears of happiness in your eyes and in your parents and he thought - “how much loving and caring could a person be? She’s the one for me, mature and perfect by nature and pretty by looks as well.” He was all in the thoughts 💭 then suddenly your dad say “Changkyun-ssi, I’m glad to hear that my daughter is in good hands, I’ll always be thankful to your parents for treating her as their own.” Said your father as he hugged Changkyun. “Oh no no, as we agreed to take the responsibility as promised we’re also doing our job, keeping Y/N happy and healthy, worry free.” He said while hugging back. “Oh dear, you guys are staying here, this makes my heart so much full.” As your mother said this, Changkyun replied “Im sorry to you Mr and Mrs. Yoo that I won’t be staying as I need to check on progress of my companies :), instead Y/N would fulfil my emptiness(presence) here” he said while holding your mother’s hand. “It’s okay dear, next time I want both of you to stay with us. That would make us more happy. But you’re a busy man and taking your time to drop my girl here, thank you.” Said your mother smiling to Changkyun. “No no it’s my job to see your daughter happy, my wife in fact.” He say while looking at your mom and then at you. “Come in for a while Changkyun.” Said your father. “Oh as I’m not staying here, I can at-least come in for coffee or tea.” Said Changkyun.

Your house was just like a normal big house. A little Japanese style, the structure with an open yard for meet up with guests. “Kyun?” You called him. “What do you want? Coffee or tea?” u Hu ou asked him when suddenly your father interrupted “Whiskey! Haha my young man should try the Glenfiddich, a classic 12 year old” your dad said with a little laugh. “Dad it’s not the right time i-“ you said while looking at them and at Changkyun after. “Ohh I have had that one mhm” he said look at the bottle. “Kyun-“ you looked at him with an expression that stated - “it’s not right time kyun for whiskey 😭” he understood what you wanted to say then suddenly put the bottle aside. As he put that aside, he received an important call. “Dad maybe kyun’s busy so he might have to leave at the moment.” You say to your father and your father understands you. He said “mhm I have no problem, we still have time” he said patting you. “Thanks dad” you said whole hugging him. “I have to leave now Mr and Mrs. Yoo but I’m sure the next time I visit it’ll all be the whiskey 🥃” he said while holding your father’s hands. “Of course son! Let me help you out” he said and you all bid him a bye.

“Kyun!” You called him as he was gonna sit inside “wait-“ He stood there while holding the car door and you kiss him on his lips. He felt so good. He won’t describe it at the moment but surely will when you guys would be all alone together. He kissed you back and said in a low tone while holding your hands “I’ll be back soon, I miss you already..” he said while cupping your cheeks. “Take care, I’ll miss you, kyun” you said as he got in the car breaking the kiss.

AUTHOR : The time passed by and you were missing him so much to the extent that you almost teared up at times cause you felt that you left him alone at the house and how much he would miss you. He would call-text you when he was free but it wasn’t much like his actual presence. A week ended and it was finally when the time when he could kidnap you back lol. Im gonna skip the car part.

You arrived your home after a long time and seeing everything back again just made you happy. The scent of your own home just felt so good. Then you heard doorbell ring. You rush towards it cause you knew it might be your husband. “Y/N!” You said nothing but hug him. “Im sorry I couldn’t pick you up and you had to come here by yourself and even the driver wasn’t here today due to some personal reasons..” you said nothing still but just hug him. His scent was something you missed. Fresh roses and whiskey with burnt wood. That’s what he smelled like. Even after working too much, his scent never changed, it felt natural on him, his scent. Then you slowly let go the hug. “Changkyun Im” you said while looking close to his face. After what you just called him, he came closer to you as well while slowly throwing his blazer. “Keep looking at me like that and-“ you cut him off “didn’t you miss me?” You said after putting him in the MOOD and you backed up. “Miss dare do change the topic hm.” He said as he went to the couch and rested there. You turn back at him. “Now you kept me waiting like that you know how much I missed you?” He said while looking at you. “You called me by what earlier ?hm?” He then stood up and started walking towards you again. “Im actually glad someone else took you here or else I don’t know what would happen, I won’t even let you reach here” he said teasingly. You became all red and nervous. It was all your fault that you set him in the mood and now you’re wanting to back up. It would be a loss not to kiss a man who’s in the best mood. You knew he was not drunk but just sipped whiskey at work because he smelled like Ballentines and it secretly drove you crazy seeming him like that. Loose tie, white shirt and long silky hair with scent of Margiella was enough for you to surrender yourself.

You couldn’t believe you guys had an arrange marriage almost a year ago. “Y/N? Darling? You slept alone these days?” he said while going upstairs. “There was none to warm my side up.” You say while following him upstairs. “Aw” he said after reaching to the room door, he turned back to you. “Wash up, you might be tired from that travelling” he said while patting your head. He went to his office after saying but you had a feeling that you needed him so bad but he still seemed busy so you just interrupted him “Kyun~?”You called him, he turned back “hm?” he said starting at you. “Are you busy even in that kind of mood?” You asked him confidently. “What mood??” He said with a slight smirk and then continued walking towards his office room. Gosh it drived you crazy when your husband acted like that. You poured and then went towards bathroom for a warm shower. You took 20 minutes for it and then came back out with a robe. When you entered your room, you saw your husband, arranging his clothes in the clothes properly. You couldn’t help but stare at him. He caught you off guard. “Hm~? What’s something that Y/N is staring at?” He asked you while still putting his clothes back in the closet. “Im looking at Im Changkyun.” You say while moving to your closet. “Call me by my name again and I’ll show you what happens, darling” he said while looking at your eyes. You stopped and so did your heartbeat. “I wanted you so bad. Ever since I was there at my parents house. Couldn’t wait honestly but I saw your busy even after you came home from work. I’m not in a playful mood but I’m very serious about what im talking about.” You turned back at him and went towards his direction and you added on “Love, when you call me with nicknames, it drives me crazy. That I want you with me. Near me.” You said looking at his eyes. Not even realising how honest you were, you stopped. “Is that what my darling thinks about me? Just want me? What else?? I’m curious” he said while cupping your cheeks. “Kyun, are you really okay with me behaving like this all of a sudden.” You said and then he added “didn’t you notice me earlier? I behaved the same and you didn’t seem to have a problem as well. Even if I wasn’t like that and you asked me the same question, I wouldn’t hate it.” He said, then you added “I missed you besides me during night time”. This time as you spoke, he just said nothing but stare at your lips. Your lips, bare lips drove him crazy, he couldn’t resist your behaviour and lips of course so the next step he did, lead to a whole new scenario. To be completely honest, you and him were just awkward as you guys barely knew each other but as you guys got closer and got to know each other, man, it’s like complete opposite now your totally lovers and I don’t think someone would actually think that this might be the arranged marriage. Not at all.

“As I said I missed you besides me at night, it’s cause the first word you would ever speak in the beginning of a new day is my name and I couldn’t hear it ever since, like a week and-“ you heard him say everything but then suddenly your lips meet his, you cut him off. It was your first ever kiss with your husband. Shocking but yes. All the year passed, you guys were just arranged but now it seems like your arranged to lovers. You could feel his lips taking the same feel as yours. Oh you loved him too much at this point. Your windows were all open which led to a cold air breeze moving inside your room and the white transparent curtains of your room just waving, the moon shined through as well. You had your left hand on his shoulders, and the other on the back of his head, grabbing his medium mullets lightly, black hairs, silky and smooth, his chest was almost exposed because he was wearing a simple white shirt with just three top buttons open. His shoulders were broad, broad enough to just trap you in there. Then slowly the kiss became insane, deep and more passionate and your right hand moved slowly back on his almost bare chest. Then after a few minutes you guys stopped, then his gaze went towards your eyes. “It’s would be a shame and disappointing decision on not marrying you, Y/N” he said look at you. You’re all red, even though you have been this much close to him before but it still made you damn nervous. “Mmm look at you” he said in a teasy loving low tone. You looked away as you heard him say that, hiding yourself. “Wouldn’t you wanna say anything to your husband? I mean I wanna listen it from you, Y/N. Your bold I know mm, since you kissed me.” He said while leaning onto the couch in your bedroom. Then you turned back and said “anything for my husband but he’s too charming, my eyes couldn’t take the view.” You said and then ran back to the bathroom since you needed to change clothes (you were still in a robe). “Im waiting” said Changkyun while letting out a small chuckle.

AUTHOR : You took your time and then you came outside wearing a usual night gown, wasn’t too fancy but it made your body shape look SO GOOD.

Then you came in the room, you saw Changkyun laying down on his side of the bed while closing his eyes. You were confused and pouty. You thought to yourself that “he just asked me to wait and just did everything so hurriedly ://“ as you thought this, you went towards your side of the bed and laid down facing him. He’s so pretty and of course charming as usual but you became restless as you thought that meeting after a week long period, he just slept like that? You meant that you wanted to get lovey-dovey with him but here he just told you to come out as he was waiting. You were all restless, little angry. Then you turn to your side, facing away from him. You were little pissed 😭 cause he got u in the mood but then he dozed off. You mumbled in a little aggression “mmmhmm, tricked, cheatedㅠㅠ”

AUTHOR : You really thought he would let you go that way haha, he wasn’t asleep tho he was just wanting to see what and how you react. And it seemed like you waited for him to wake up. I mean you wanted to see if he was actually asleep or no but he didn’t react until he found out that he had enough play with you(lol) so he woke up and then he (smartass) took his actions when you were on the verge of sleeping ㅠㅠ. He just slowly moved his hand in your hair and whispered—-

“Mmm..sorry about playing like that, darling” he said and then he trapped you. You were in between his hands and his chest towards your face almost. He was on top of you. You were tricked again 😭. He just wanted you to be restless so he waited till u reached limits. “!!!!huh,oh??” you were all sweaty and nervous. “Kyun. You-“ you didn’t get time to say anything. He kissed you. He slowly lifted you up and now your position was like you on his laps facing him eye to eye. You become nervous and try to look away but also intrigued looking at him. You didn’t know what to do but you weren’t awkward. It drove you crazy since he took you on his lap. You were happy knowing that you can now officially act personal and however you wanted in front of him. He pulled you even closer, he was still wearing the white shirt and his hairs slicked back. His bare face is what you loved, those eyes, dark brown pupils which shone throughout the moonlight, as it entered through the open window. “Oh..kyun, it’s a shame not being able to love you..” you said looking all innocent (but he knows you aren’t😏) “mm? Love or fuck? You didn’t know me yet, Y/N, I never got time to show my real avatar..” he whispered in your ears which made you even want him more. You were all okay with what he was gonna do because he asked you many times that in future if there would be a time like this, would you be all ready? And you guys had enough time to find out until today as you both were out of limits. You loved loved loooovveedd his scent. You sniffed him and kissed him on his lips. He got excited to the extent that he took off his shirt and now was on his trousers and you? “Darling, it would be a shame not to appreciate your bare body, he said and asked you “Can you..remo-“ as he was about to say the whole sentence you just didn’t take seconds and took off your pretty floral nightdress which was almost translucent from the top and bottom as well. You wore tights. It was in his favourite colour- purple. The light shined on your body and highlighted his favourite parts, the chest and the collar. Changkyun didn’t have an ideal type cause he’s into someone’s personality but now looking at you, he felt like girls who look good in bikinis would work. But don’t worry, it’s just only gonna be you whom he’ll admire in that attire. You looked perfect. A normal body, not too skinny nor too over. He kissed you all over your neck and then slowly moved to your chest. You had big boobs, he started licking you as he moved down. You let out a moan. “Already moaning hm..?” He said while licking your neck and tummy back and forth. “Mmm~~kyun it tickles” you said being all crawled up. As you said, he just stopped to look at you. “Nuh uh.. you need to be rewarded but also punished for leaving me like this alone for week.” Said Changkyun then he started biting your neck and collarbones, you collar and neck was all his of course, it drove him crazy. You looked at him, he was all over you, looked like a hungry alpha. Whatever he just spoke, made you realised that he’s not gonna let you sleep tonight and you didn’t care about it because you wanted it. You indeed has a sex drive throughout the day, a high sex drive. “I don’t know, I mean you, you don’t know how much I missed you, I drank an entire bottle just because I was missing you. This was yesterday night.” He said kissing you all over. “Kyun~ punish me? Let it all out on me, it’s my fault for making you impatient.” You say whining over as you felt his saliva all over your chest. Plus it was all cold so that little wetness on your body because of sweat and saliva made you whinny. “Punish? You want me to do what I just said earlier ?? Hmm?” He said. He kept asking you which made you say it even louder because I’m between he would keep making you wet. “IM CHANGKYUN~~~ your too good, I’m gonna be so wet if you keep doi-“ he cut you off “Princess? I almost forgot that you’re messy down there already? Let me check” he said. He ripped your panties, it was too wet and it was shocking to him cause it was your first time as well.

“Next time I’ll bring you a lingerie, it would just look so alluring on you baby” he said in a deep husky voice. You reached too high to your limits that you wanted to be more pleasured so you started acting all slutty (😏). “Next time I’ll make you wait more kyun” you said as you kissed him shutting him up. That thought of buying you your first pair of lingerie drove you insane. He then pulled away the kiss as he heard you. “Mmh? Naughty much? So suddenly huh~?” He said then he slowly put his finger inside your clit. I thrusted it inside whenever you made a statement that he didn’t like. “Oh goddamn, you make my cock swell like..your asking me not to stop huh?Thrusting again, you moaned loudly, and your pussy clenching onto his cock so hard. “You’re totally in mood, huh?” As he said, the tone you couldn’t handle it put hop on his lap fully. “I’m always gonna be in the mood as long as your with me, husband~” you said while kissing his neck. He let out a relaxing moan. “Idk why but I want you so messed up right now~” he said while grabbing your ass and lifting u up to the wall and started biting you, all those love marks meant that you won’t dare to look at someone else but your husband. He’s passionately would be jealous of anyone getting too close to you. You were a science teacher married to a biomedical engineer who owned three big laboratories and companies, what else did you even need in your life? Nothing more nor less. Every touch of his would just make you crave for him even more. More than what a horny feeling contains. You didn’t have words to describe how good he’s in person but on the bed as well. “Kyun, don’t..don- go in too- harsh-“ you said as you were into him. His whole body just on you. He slowly slide in his dick inside you. He knew you wanted to relax, and just making you work too much for him, might not be good, he was a little too rough indeed but he did slow down at the BEST MOMENTS. The room was filled with warmth and just scent of wetness of sweat and his perfume. Gosh that Margiella scent, you felt like a pure heaven and that too after so many days, a week. He wanted to have sex, it was obvious but knew his limits. If it was you, he wouldn’t control he knew this as well, he stripped down your panties complete and then went in and out as you felt good, too good. He does have a beautiful dick, you trembled a little so he held on you tight, you could feel that you already have his finger marks on your ass, those marks are of possessiveness. It was 12:00am sharp and the moon was shining bright onto your sweaty body. He then took you to the bathroom but on your way you guys were busy kissing that you missed the couch and fell on it, the couch was a leather couch, brown coloured and it was wide enough to let him have you all night, just laying on it.

He sucked over you. “Such a damn big..prett..y..nose, daddy~” you complimented while being on top of him, riding through out on his dick. He just kept staring at how good you looked riding on him, all the way down you were dripin’ so hard that he turned you over and glide inside the hole of yours, it was small but you just had your first time and that too all raw, “the best thing about us-..Is that I get it.. all raw~” Changkyun said as he licked your hole, he bit your inner thighs and just marked you. He just trusts you and loves you so much. He’s a kind of husband who just knows when your wrong and help you correct it. His sensation reached to your inner walls, just locked it all in. It was like him thrusting into you too much. My goodness it felt so goood, and he forgot about punishing you. He pulled you on him, too much passionate sex and that too no protection, all raw. You moaned too well. “Mm Ahh~” you sounded too good for him but you were all not in your state. “Daddy~” you said “Princess or Slut? Pick one” he asked as he kept on letting you ride him like an actual cowgirl. You were too busy enjoying for yourself. “I ask one more time~” he said then as he got no answer from you, he grabbed your ass, holding you in that position and too you to the bed again. He threw you on the bed and he climbed on you. “I wanted MOREEE~~” you said to him cause he interrupted you. “So much fun for the living, now let me.” He said. “Now do as your daddy says mm?” He said as he looked at you. You looks so damn good even when your doing nothing but just lying on the damn bed all wet. “No~~” you said while biting your lips and all restless. “Whatever you wanna do but now it’s time for taking the remote control back~” he said while looking down your hole which of course was closed right now “I can’t see it Y/N so open your legs for your daddy~” he said while rubbing your inner thighs. You couldn’t open even if you wanted to because he already had you riding him for some time straight. “Let me then~” he hold your knees and opened your legs, in between all that condensed milk looking consistency oozing out like a river. “Too bad if I couldn’t have it” he said and he licked and sucked you down there. “Mmmmmmmm~” you led out a cry. Too much guilty pleasure for the living. He then turned you over to your chest side facing the bed and ass towards him. “Your pussy and ass both are who’s??” He asked you as he leaned towards you on the position. It was the most penetrative position ever, doggy style in lying position. He thrusted you in your small hole. Your clit was swollen as he turned you back over and kept going as restlessly as you were. You couldn’t even dare to move your legs as they got folded and twisted and things like that many times, it hurt because as he became more passionate, he became more rough. He then in the standing position took you to the bathroom.

“Your getting all this for being selfish earlier, hmm? Get it baby~?” He said. He put you on the bathroom counter besides sink and the mirror. Then you looked at him with tired af eyes and it immediately reminded you of what he might wanna do next. “Shit” you thought. Of course you didn’t want to see yourself like that in the mirror while your partner is doing you. It’s Changkyun, he’s too strong, even if you escape where else would you even hide? “You know why? You didn’t answer my question earlier~” he said while grabbing you back down from the counter and now he grabbed your waist from behind and made you look at the mirror, you refused. “Never mind it’s gonna be slut for now~” he said grabbing your boobs and squeezing them. “Aauah…mmmm, Kyun~~” you let out a moan. “Nuh uh.. what’s my name~???” He asked. “Kyun~” as he heard you say, he put his finger back down in your already too much swollen clit and rubbed it hard. He asked you five times, but didn’t get his desired answer. In between them wrong answers, he kept squeezing, rubbing and penetrating you hard. When I meant hard, it’s on the most passionate but insane level. You were tired, too much tired than you couldn’t stand up. “IM CHANGKYUN~~~!” You moaned and you let out a cry. “Good girls don’t answer late. But seemed like you’re a bad girl now hmm~? For answering late~”. He thrust his dick into you even harder, you dripping down too bad, it needed to be cleaned up. “Damn, that looks so~” he said kissing your back. You wanted to turn towards him as you couldn’t see the mirror. But he didn’t allow you. “Not until I make you see how beautiful you look this way Mrs. Im~” he said biting your shoulders which made you look up and moan. “Mm aah~~” you say as he finally made you see the mirror on his 7th attempt. Yes you just had 7 rounds of having intercourse with your husband. After then finally he let you turn back, facing towards him. You looked at him with tears and anger, not too much angry. “What hm? My Princess just needed..to see..her pretty body and how much more you look..in my eyes” he said kissing you all over your face and then neck. You hugged him at the position and those bites and kisses made you grab his back, muscular and stiff back with your long nails. As he kissed you, his kisses went down till your chest to the tummy and he got on his knees, kissing your cute belly. “A belly piercing ~? You didn’t know how much your making me want you more my darling~” he said to you as he licked your belly. You let out a small chuckle as it tickled you there. “I got it..~ for you.. Danny~” you moaned as he hold your waist and started biting your tummy as well. Gosh this man just likes being all possessive, not a single place on your body was left unmarked. All filled with cherry red marks. “You got the..piercing for daddy~?” He asked you while lifting you up and taking you back to your bed. “I knew you liked piercings..~” you said to him as he carried you, you facing towards him. “Jooheon told me once that you like.. girls who look good in bikinis and piercings~~” so I did them days after our wedding without letting you notice. I kept the moment for today~” you said to him. He heard you and threw you on the bed again. Having just sex and that too raw too, still seemed incomplete for him. He again caged you up. “I want to plant us a seed.” He said while kissing your chest. “And what does that mean~” you asked him even though you knew. “Baby~ idk if you’re ready for our mini version.” He asked you sucking through your tits. You said nothing but moaned. “Do I stop~?” He asked you. You shook your head restlessly. “While you sucking the second most sensitive part of mine~? No, Mr. Im~” you said while ruffling his hairs back. He chuckled and kissed your chest and went down to your belly again. “Knock ✊ knock~” as he knocked your belly. “There’s got to be someone in there soon~” he said while putting his dick inside you. Thrusting again but this time slow and steady, it all oozed out, the cum. It filled your walls and at the Highest time, your walls sucked all of that.

“I forgot to ask you~ would you be able to take our baby if you get pregnant~?” He asked you while stopping. “It’ll be our first little baby, kyun” you cried as you shared. “With you taking care of it? I’ll be so happy to give birth” you said while hugging him. You were all wet. “So should I plant?” He asked you and you replied “get in already~!”. As mentioned, he slit in this time not taking his dick out, instead, he filled you up with his seed. “Now if I let you let all that out..—“ you cut him off “too late, you fertilised me already~” you said as you kiss him on his lips very passionately.

AUTHOR : After that moment, he tucked you in the blanket and pat your head and massaged your legs. He realised he was too cruel and rough earlier so he helped you relief pain you had in your legs. They were sore and they pained since you kept them open😳😖. He helped you throughout until you fell asleep. He kissed you and lay besides you, hugging you and cuddling you with you burring your face onto his chest and then falling asleep. You guys were sooo cozy to look at.

BONUS

(The next morning)

You woke up the next morning and found out that your husband was asleep on your tummy i.e his head on your tummy. His hand was on your legs which made you think that he might have fallen asleep while massaging your legs. You just stared at him for some minutes then you ran your hands through his hair, cat like big man. “🐈‍⬛” as you stroked his hair again and again he just woke up. “Oh darling, it’s too early why are you awake?” As he said this, you replied “I was gonna say that to you~” you kissed him saying that. “Mm~?” He said. “You slept late I know, rest up cmon!” You say while slowly getting up the bed. You still had pain in there, you slowly trumbled upon. “Haha~ says the one who’s still tired~” he said and then teasingly grabbing your hand. You looked at him “😭”. “Aww my baby, cmere” he grabbed you on his lap. “How can I see you like that hm? Let me massage your body.” He said as he grabbed your waist and then massaging your back. “Mm not the backkk I want the legs!!” You ordered him. He turned on your side on his knees as he turn towards you and then sit in front of you and take one of your legs on his lap and pulls you. “You remember something~mm?” He said teasingly. You hit his lap and said “yah husband~!!”. He enjoyed you being getting teased. He just massages you till an hour. You felt so good. You slept again while he was massaging, it was clear that you did need extra sleep and so did your husband but he received a phone call from his work so he had to leave in a hurry. But the way he left, you didn’t even got disturbed from your sleep. At the end he put a note besides your bed’s side tables which went like-

“In the end, I think that taking care of yourself is the best way to love yourself and if you can’t then I’ll do it, I’ll be there for you always until- I’ll be home soon my love~”

(The above quoting is taken from an interview of MONSTA X spoken by Changkyun himself, not the same as the above but he said because I moderated it to fit with the context. Also idk which interview he said so cause they didn’t really state the name.)

Proof-

The end 💜

📑 writer : @gor3rri

📢 IF YOU WANT TO REPOST OR POST IT SOMEWHERE, THEN MAKE SURE TO MENTION ME OR CREDIT ME - @gor3rri (eg: by @gor3rri on tumblr) THIS CONTEXT IS MADE WITH SOME HARDWORK, IF NOT THEN IT TAKES SOME TIME TO UPLOAD CONTENT LIKE THIS FOR YOU ALL SO I WILL HEARTILY APPRECIATE IF YOU DO THE ABOVE :)), thanking you all for your patience and understanding 📢

📑 I post new context weekly so stay tuned 📑

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mondayaddamss · 1 year

Text

Harsh Words

[pairings]: Cold-mannered Wednesday addams x bubbly fem! reader

[summary]:Wednesday says harsh things to reader after they kept annoying her.

[Warnings]:Wednesday and her sharp words, Traumatizing moments, Reader being fucking annoying, being pinned against a locker, basically everything. VERY ANGSTY!!

[A/N]: i am literally crying in my room, i can also guarantee there will be a part 2

You were OBSESSED with the Ravenette-haired Girl. GOSH ,You would always take the chance to disturb or annoy her with your bubbly attitude. It's not like you meant to annoy her but you just wanted to be her friend, And maybe more than that.

Since there was only a few minutes until classes started, You roamed the halls looking for something interesting, That was until you spotted Wednesday. The girl who made your heart flutter every 5 seconds, you loved everything about her. Her silky hair that shines, her soft burgundy lips, Always left you wondering if they would stain yours if you stole a kiss, her black nail polish glowing in the light, her furrowed eyebrows making her attractive, Even the way she dresses is graceful enough for you.

You Ran up to her with a Huge smile on your beautiful face, her face turned into a aggravated expression When she saw you." Hyah willa watcha'doin". You say excitedly with your happy vibes getting the best of you as usual. " Whatever i may be doing does not include you, and it wont any time soon" She replies very harshly as her pace quickens. "Well do you maybe wanna go to the weathervane after class- "No, i do not Y/N i am so sick and tired of your agonizing voice" You were cut of by Wednesday pinning you against a nearby locker and yelling out at you, Her eyes burned with extreme-pure hatred only for you, not for anybody else, just for you.

"W-Willa" Was all you could utter out before wednesday continued on with her detrimental, deleterious words "I dont understand why you act this way around me, always following me around like a eager-eyed puppy it irritates me, LISTEN to me, you are not my type, I do not like you in any kind of way that is possible on this planet, I've always hated you. You could never get anything right, You are even dumber than you look, Its pathetic that i have rejected you more than a million times and you somehow find your way back to me and annoy me. Its like you have a habit of it, you are the worst thing that i have met and seen in my life and im sick of it, sick of YOU! ,YOU CANNOT EVEN SHUT YOUR MOUTH FOR A SECOND, BETTER YET YOU CAN NEVER EVER GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF, I MEAN- WHY WOULD YOU?! YOU ARE TO STUPID TO EVEN DO SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS THAT" Wednesday had yelled all of these traumatizing, and hurtful words to you, Wednesday stares blankly at you with still a bit of hate for you in her eyes as your eyes fill up with tears, everybody stared at the both of you. so filled with embarrasment, you ran out of there as fast as you could never looking back because of the tears that were frequently streaming down your face as you ran to the huge willow tree nearby. You sat down and rested under it though many thoughts still lingered inside of your head, especially those words Wednesday had said to you- no in fact YELLED to you. how could she just say those hurtful things to you , and then just embarrass you when all you wanted to do was love her. This was by far the Worst day you ever had to Experience. THE WORST DAY.

#wednesday addams x reader #thing wednesday #yandere wednesday addams x reader #wednesday addams imagine #wednesday x you #wednesday x reader #wednesday addams fanfic #wednesday imagine #wednesday addams #wednesday fluff #wednesday angst #SoundCloud

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luveline · 4 months

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i just wanted to say thank you for writing what you do. the escapism means a lot to me. i wonr go into details and will stay vague. im just forced into a situation where i am a 20-something who has an abusive father who has developed dementia on recent years and i cant leave the household he is in because im very sickly. its easy for him to trigger my panic and anxiety attacks, and its hard for me to imagine a future where i feel stable and happy. even harder to imagine one where im also in love with someone, caretaker burn-out is real and it is scary to imagine a spouse getting burnt out and needing to divorce me. its nice handing over my imagination to you, in that sense, and just let your fics wash over me. they help me regulate and feel a lot more stable, a lot more long-term-lovable, if that makes sense

i know you dismiss yourself a lot, from what i remember; but just thank you, so much, for helping me have a place to escape to and quiet my thoughts. it's helped me a lot in fantasizing about a future after my dad does inevitably die. your work has really improved my quality of life. you and my emotional-support cat have done as much for me as any doctor. i know some people like to say "thats not something you need to thank me for; thats all you yourself", but it really has just meant a lot to turn to your blog and fics and know love is safe and soft here for me to escape into. thank you, so much ♡

my love! I know you sent this ask a while ago and I’m sorry to have missed it then, hopefully you’re still reading and you’ll see this when I answer!! I’m so so sorry to hear about your situation, how tiring that must be for your heart! I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, but I know you deserve love and care and compassion and it’s unfair for you to be missing out on those things now, I hope they find their way to you soon. there is genuinely never a need to thank me, I love writing and I have since I started, I love how it makes me feel, and it offers me my own escapism, and it’s just something I wouldn’t ever not want to do, I’m so lucky that other people enjoy it too, and so glad it can do literally anything at all for you! And it’s lovely that that’s how you feel because that’s usually what I’m aiming for to portray a safe soft love!! I hope you’re doing the best that you can be angel 😭

#jade's asks #ily

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wellthebardsdead · 1 year

Text

The loved & the forgotten pt20

Part 19 here

———

Vivienne: *seated in his room in the wretching netch, bored out of his mind after several days of being made to rest, and feeling guilty over his friends wearing themselves out trying to get him to tell them what he wants, what he wants for himself, not for them, or for anyone else, just himself* … *rubs his eyes sniffling as he remembers trying to initiate love making with Kaidan & Taliesin only for both of them to decline him, both of them saying it’s what’s best for him right now* I don’t understand… they keep asking me what I want… and I want them… I want to love them but… they push me away… am I doing something wrong?… *looks to the spider sitting by his book, there seemed to be a lot more of them around since he strengthened his relationship with Mephala beyond mutual acceptance*

The spider: *just taps it’s two front legs in response*

Vivienne: *sighs and continues reading before looking up as he hears a knock at the door* huh? *gets up putting on his dragon mask and walking to it before peering out to see the second councillor there looking visibly anxious* Mr Arano??

Adril Arano: Ah- dragonborn I. I understand now is not the best of times and lord nerevar will be furious with me for asking this of you when you are meant to be recovering but… The councillor is in danger…

Vivienne: danger?… *opens the door further* come in…

*a few minutes later*

Vivienne: *exits his room a few minutes after the second councillor leaves, muatra on his back and quietly scanning the room to make sure none of team dragonborn can question where he’s going… only to turn his head to see miraak leaning against the wall by the door looking at him* EEEK- fuck! Miraak you scared me!

Miraak: where are you going dragonborn?

Vivienne: I’m not telling you you’ll tell Kaidan & Tali and then they’ll be even more upset with me.

Miraak: I’ve sworn my loyalty to you dragonborn. Whatever you tell me in secret is kept between us.

Vivienne: …I’m going to kill a bunch of assassins after the councillor.

Miraak: *summons his sword and staff* okay then. Let’s go.

Vivienne: I? You’re coming?

Miraak: I’m not about to let you face multiple enemies on your own… I fear being beaten to death by your lovers more than I do you complaining about ‘not needing help’…

Vivienne: *sighs* okay, let’s try to make this quick.

*That evening*

Vivienne: *dressed only in a nightshirt too big for him, seated on his new bed, in his new house (severin manor), after being gifted it by the second councillor for ‘solving their problem’. Now quietly bowing his head as Kaidan throws a fit at him and Taliesin calmly brushes his hair for him* I-I’m sorry…

Taliesin: shhh it’s alright, you had miraak with you-

Kaidan: ITS NOT ALRIGHT AND AFTER IM DONE TELLING YOU HOW ANGRY I AM IM FINDING HIM AND KILLING HIM FOR LETTING THIS HAPPEN! YOU COULD HAVE DIED!

Taliesin: Kaidan.

Kaidan: HES SUPPOSED TO BE RESTING TALIESIN! *rubs his face in exasperation* gods Vivi why do you keep doing what other people want you to do?

Vivienne: C-councillor morvayne was going to be assassinated I had to do something!

Kaidan: Why did you go behind our backs then?! Why did you only take miraak with you!?

Vivienne: *looks up at him with tears bubbling in his eyes, taking in how tired he looks* because… *looks at Taliesin to see he looks equally tired* all I’ve done is drain your energy… you’re both so tired and I didn’t want to bother you with another of my problems…

Kaidan: *walks to him and gently holds his face in his hands stroking his cheek* why is it, whenever you want something it’s always concerning somebody else?…

Vivienne: b-because I only ever want three things… I want everyone I care about to be happy… *gently slides his hand onto Kaidans, holding it to his cheek before reaching back and taking taliesins hand* and you two… *looks down sadly before letting them go placing his hands back in his lap* but each time I show you that I want you you push me away and tell me I can’t have you… I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong… *sniffles and dries his eyes*

Taliesin: *gears in his brain finally clicking, realising the times vivienne was trying to initiate intimacy wasn’t just him attempting to please them, he was trying to show them love in the only way he knew how* … *sets the brush down and gently pulls him back into his arms making the dunmer let out a startled gasp* can I kiss you?…

Kaidan: I- what? Taliesin what are you-

Taliesin: *looks at him, silencing him with his gaze before looking back to vivienne for an answer*

Vivienne: *heart fluttering and whole body welling up with emotions as he’s finally given what he’s been wanting* y-yes please…

Taliesin: *smiles and kisses him softly with a sweet, deep moan, one hand holding Vivi close, and the other grabbing Kaidan by his trousers pulling him onto the bed to join them*

Kaidan: I- wait hold on a minute we-

Taliesin: *pulls away from the kiss briefly making his sun and night skinned lover whine sweetly* shhh *gives him another small kiss before looking back at Kaidan* we keep asking what he wants and he wants us. Now stop being mean to him and drop your pants.

Kaidan: I- *looks to see vivienne looking at him with such sad, needy eyes, just wanting to be held and loved by him without being pushed away again* …OH!

*the next morning*

Vivienne: *fast asleep in his bed, two pillows strategically placed either side of him by his lovers as they sneak out to the kitchen to make breakfast and chat*

Taliesin: *quietly preparing ingredients* …

Kaidan: *stoking the fire* …

Taliesin: …He put in more work to please us then we did him again didn’t he?

Kaidan: *sighs* Yep. No matter how many times I tried to gain control over the situation to make him relax and let me do the work, he managed to find some way of turning it around on us.

Taliesin: he looked like he was ready to pass out by the time he’d finally made you finish. I was ready to catch him in case he actually did…

Kaidan: *sighs rubbing his face* why’s it so hard for him to just be a pillow princess and let us make him feel good for a change? In stead of him working and making love to us like he’s afraid if he doesn’t well leave hi-

*Knock! Knock! Knock!*

Taliesin: *looks down at himself* Kaidan I’m not wearing any clothing can you-

Kaidan: Yep I’ll answer it-… maybe go get dressed though in case-

#vivec #vivienne dragonborn #skyrim taliesin #Kaidan skyrim #dunmer dragonborn #miraak

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fish-bowl-2 · 9 months

Note

okay lmao you don't have to answer them all but im interested in your hot takes when you have time

7, 8, 9, 13, 16, 19, 21, 22, 24

😁 we need something to talk about in this micro fandom

Oh boy oh boy...

7. What character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because of how the fandom acts about them? Honestly, a bit of a hard one for me to answer because I don't really have one. I mean, there are always going to be fandom interpretations I am not into, but even so I don't really let that influence how I feel about the actual characters. A lot of those fandom interpretations don't seem to be the overwhelming majority anymore either. I feel that if I was invested in the EEnE fandom back in 2013-2014 I would absolutely be tired of Kevin, but that isn't really the case anymore. As far as I can see lol.

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about? That all the Kanker sisters (excluding May) are irredeemable and will never break out of whatever cycle they are present to at home. I mean, I'm not asking for any neatly packaged happy ending when I say that, but idk, despite my issues with their lack of development and presentation on the show, I think they are really interesting. If you want to get deep, they are just kids after all, with a lot of room for change in their life going forward. I like to think that they ALL go onto better things. Better can be open to interpretation. I do not mean any kind of stereotypical college degree manicured lawn and job type stuff. Satisfaction can look like a multitude of things. A lot of people apply this to May, which is great! But does that have to mean pushing aside Marie and Lee in the process? I personally don't think that is very fair.

9. Worst part of canon? Harassment when it is girls towards boys = funny : / Also, this is more of a fandom thing, but there are so many youtube videos where ppl are titling them stuff like "Kanker sisters RAPE Eds" like wow so edgy and funny guys how about we keep this in 2009?

13. Worst blorbofication? Absolutely Edd. No argument. I don't think that this is an unpopular sentiment nowadays either. It has been discussed to earth and back at this point.

16. You can't understand why so many people like this thing: - That in high school/college Edd will make a complete 360 change in personality and become a complete bad-boy shadow the hedgehog recolor. Granted, I do think that Edd will grow to tone down his anxiety over following rules, BUT to completely change is out of the question. This is still Edd we're talking about. Rebelling for him would be something like jaywalking or wearing shoes inside someone's house he doesn't like. It nags me a bit when people completely ignore the defined quirks and personality of a character in favor of creating a whole new oc. You can of course be inspired by a character you like to create your own, but how about present them as that? - That Edd will start to drift away from Eddy and Ed as he grows older, or the other way around and Eddy and/or Ed drift away from Edd. I don't get how this head-canon keeps popping up. The WHOLE point of the show is their friendship and that they are blood brothers and meant for each other!!! This goes beyond their diverging interests and personalities!! The actual show proved this with the movie!! "But lots of people don't stay friends with the people they knew from childhood" umm and lots of people do? I am still closest with my middle school friends then any other people I've met in adulthood. My dad doesn't talk to anyone from university but still meets up with his childhood friends. And even so, I just don't understand the appeal. Their friendship kind of IS the whole show, and doing away with that ultimately defeats the purpose for me. I find it a lot more interesting to delve into aspects like how they would uphold these connections and friendships into adulthood, when work and responsibilities makes it a lot harder to get together regularly.

19. You're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like... Ngl I can't help feeling kind of shy about being super invested in a slapstick cartoon that came out nearly three decades ago. Even when I am talking to other cartoon/animation fans, I feel a bit silly about wanting to analyze their dynamics and traits when most people casually just remember the show as fun slapstick (of course it is but I also wanna get insane about it without being seen as MysteriousMrEnter or smth lmao).

21. Part of canon you think is overhyped? "What is under Double Dee's hat, guys?" "Why have they never confirmed what is under there?" "Any one else disappointed that they never showed Edd without his hat?" Umm idc lol

22. Your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores? - Probably the connection between Ed and Double Dee. I think it is really cute. I love how so many episodes kind of have them hanging out together. I don't think people acknowledge enough how their dynamic works. It is very Autism 2 Autism, like Edd gets to kind of info-dump about whatever to Ed, and even if Ed has no clue what he is talking about, he still enjoys the company and has fun in listening and partaking in whatever Edd is invested in. - I always really dig how Nazz is depicted kind of "cool" and "sporty". Idk it could have been very easy to make her just any kind of popular girl trope, but she kind of holds her own (even if she is super underdeveloped compared to the other characters). I think it makes her friendship with Kevin interesting. - On that note, I also really like Kevin and Rolf's dynamics in their friendship. I do actually see people discuss this a bunch, but I felt like I had to mention it. I really like how the typical American Apple Pie jock is besties with the foreigner with odd customs and both are kind of at an equal footing to each other. - Sarah is insanely strong, like almost on the same level as Ed. What is in that family's genes??

24. Topic that brings up the most rancid discourse? Shipping, probably. (When is it not shipping).

#thank youuu so much thank you for the patience #I might have forgotten some things for the longer questions #I know I definitely have more favorite canon elements that ppl don't discuss much but I couldn't remember atm #this can go for others too but no doubt I'll make a post about it sometime lol #I don't think I have crazy fandom opinions tbh #like as long as you are respectful and stuff even if I am not into a particular headcanon I can vibe with you idc it is just fiction : )#asks

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heartsforkazuha · 2 years

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thank you, miss cupid !! ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

you were sent to help them with their crush, but what if they fall in love

with you instead ??

( sticky note : hi guys !! sorry I haven’t been posting anything

for a while I ran out of ideas for zhongli…anyways enjoy !! ) part 3 / you can check my

page for the other parts !! ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

zhongli x reader (angst to fluff , happy ending !!)

“y/n, I have a new mission for you, his name is zhongli.”

“he’s in liyue right now, as always, your goal is to help him get a lover.”

then you were sent to teyvat, but there’s one thing she didnt tell you about.

who was he supposed to fall in love with?

you were exploring liyue harbor, in hopes of finding zhongli so you could complete your mission.

you see a tall, handsome man sipping his tea while closing his eyes.

he was charming, really.

you slowly walked closer to his table, trying your best not to disturb him.

“excuse me..? are you.. zhongli?”

“ah.? yes.. and you?”

“im y/n. sorry for the sudden ask.”

and then you two had a lovely conversation. he was indirectly flirting with you

and always complimenting you.

“haha, well.. there is something i do need help with..”

“I’ve been struggling with this for a while..”

he says.

“there’s this lady i have interest in..but I am not sure how I can confess to her.”

days and days went by, you two would always have conversations, and his sweet

words always had a way to give you butterflies.

then , when zhongli was walking next to her while you were looking from above,

your smile couldn’t help it. It disappeared.

you didnt even know her, she was always smiling around him and everything about her was..

pretty.

you thought that he wasnt meant for you. you thought you got sent here to assist him.

and when you found out they got together..

your happy mood was gone. but still, he had always tried to find a way to

try cheer you up. he didnt ever make you feel left out but..

what hurt the most was how he went to your usual meeting place,

always talking about her so passionately without even knowing he was just ruining your health

by mentioning her, you thought it was wrong to feel this way, but you cant help it.

but zhongli, he loved you too.

ever since you two started talking, he felt a comforting presence around you.

but he did not notice you had feelings for him..well until..

“zhongli. lets end things here, I only used you for the popularity.”

he was heartbroken from those words, the first thing he did was come to you.

you comforted him, you couldn’t stand him when he was like this, he deserved better.

that night, while you two were walking each other home, he was different.

he kept giving you these warm comforting looks in his eyes.

“well, goodbye y/n. thank you for comforting me today.” he smiled.

you waved goodbye.

abut you were tired, its already time you tell him.

you couldn’t hold it in anymore. (Not shitting btw)

you immediately ran to get your phone.

calling him right away.

he picked up.

“zhongli, I.. I.. im sorry! please let me speak to you..”

“uhm..[name]? is something the matter ?”

“I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU OKAY???”

he hung up. you were devastated from his response.

quickly running to your bed to cry, you thought it would end like this.

the next morning, you woke up next to him, while he wiped your tears.

“zhong..li?”

“mhm.. im sorry for giving you that response.”

he chuckles, “ I love you too.”

#fiction #fanfic #writers on tumblr #writing #zhongli #zhongli fluff #zhongli angst #genshin impact #zhongli genshin impact #zhongli x you #zhongli x reader #zhongli x y/n #heartsforkazuha !! ੈ✩‧₊˚🍧#genshin angst #genshin fluff #fluff #if this flops it flops #liyue harbor

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sheviolentlyher · 3 months

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Friday and the only thing I can think is that god is the infinite nothingness. It’s why people are more content with calling it “the universe “ because it’s something we know has energy and we know exists, with the same thought of something being more powerful than us, igniting the worship.

smoke weed and draw. channel creativity. I can see things no one else sees. That’s how I fall in love with myself over and over again.

Queen of underground- queen of creativity, queen of new world, maker of reality.

I may be manic. I may be just bored. I become manic when bored. But because I realize it — it’s artistic and articulate. Sometimes I let it be destructive- just for fun. I can find excuses for anything really. But what or who deems them excuses? Why not dreams?

there isn’t a single fucking cloud in the sky, and it looks like an upside down ocean.

I’m thinking crazy. Everything that I want wants me, and again I’m worry free and begin attracting. Choice is only an illusion when applied to reality. Choice is a mentality.

the choice is mine. I choose to think- I choose to love.

I am a phantom bride that dances the halls of my mansion mind, perfectly happy she is alone and there is no one there to reject her. What if ghosts are afraid of our rejection? What if energy is afraid of our rejection? What if what is meant for us is afraid of us? It can’t afford our hostility, so it circles us just out of reach—- I don’t really like being relaxed in my void. I can’t do nothing for long, but I’m learning to listen to the silence.

the birds here are absolutely stunning. The loudest I’ve ever experienced— it makes me feel like Snow White and again I’m lucky.

I was thinking about my husband yesterday. The way he thinks is so solid, he seems to have no visible anxiety or worry- ever. He is a straight shooter and recovers quickly when presented obstacles. I know this because this potent masterpiece of masculinity keeps my divine feminine soft, nurturing, creative, blooming, free and most importantly stable. He’s my best friend, but I want to make him my lover. Him and I jumped into life so quickly, but he never let go of each others hands. And now it’s time for me to get to know him as a lover — it’s time he gets to know me as a lover — being me attracts him the most, it gives him satisfaction to see me happy and moving authenticity. He knows there are a million different versions of me and seems to be accepting that they always make one of me.

I am not ashamed to admit my lust for money, sex and violence. That is a monster that lives inside me, a muse, a slave. It may be a monster but i am a bigger one and i have control of reality, more so than i think now. Yes im hard on myself, but it’s all constructive even if it may project as destructive. I stand in my belief that destruction is inevitable so you might as well learn to become the architect of you head, your mind- your thoughts. Building carefully, maybe pulling like jenga- it may fall but the pieces are always still intact, so there is no “real” loss- only the feeling of loss. Are we tired? Yes. But I mean either way we become tired—- so what will your intentions be? Intentions live subconsciously.

We need to capture them like kings. Never being the victim but the victor. Battle isn’t pretty but it can be slow and silent like a game of chess. ♟️ don’t let the world convince you battle only counts if there is blood, you don’t need to bleed, you need to think. Exercise your god damn mind. It is a muscle for god sake- the most valuable, the most magical, without the mind we are vegetables.

You are loved. You are noticed. You are wanted. You are of god. You are of the stars. You are human. You are beautiful.

-x

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elegyofthemoon · 4 months

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life stuff

hmmmm something in me the last two weeks has wanted nothing but to destroy things and if not that then to just go sleep for a while

tbh i think last week genuinely was my last straw. i think it's time for me to leave for something else. i'm tired of not really enjoying life and always waiting for that Jump in joy that reaching a milestone and watching each day go by so easily that i don't remember them, being too focused on a future uncertain

i want to live. thats really it. this - whatever this is - it isn't living. i love being a student and i do love learning, but i don't think this was ever cut out for me. i've prided myself so much in being so because it meant helping others, and i'll always be someone who wants to help others some way or another, but maybe this isn't my path to help others.

there's other things i can do that i might enjoy a bit more. but i think more than anything right now i just want to focus on myself - reconnect with the self that i had lost by draining myself for this dream. i want to find things that make me happy and pursue it. it might not be something my folks would be happy about, but what's life without disappointing others to make a place for yourself? if i spent so long trying to make a place for others, its about time i ought to show myself that same kindness and choose to live.

my mom's coming to visit this weekend because she's been hearing a lot about how pained i've been and just how stressed i am about the situation. it's going to be my break weekend where i don't really do a lot of work and we're gonna go enjoy sightseeing and going around the city and even go to a football match. i want to enjoy it to the fullest and reconnect with myself and live. but ... i kinda want to break the news to her that i think i need to stop before i break myself further. i'm tired of this dream. i miss living and being in the present. i miss the small joys in life like the sun or the flowers. even now all of that doesnt bring me joy anymore. its hard. and i'm scared because i've had this conversation before with her that i don't think i can go on, only to be met with "you just have to bite your tongue and do it." if i bite any harder, there'd be blood everywhere.

i have some hope though. the last call we had she said something like "if medicine wasnt meant for you FUCK medicine!" and that made me happy to hear but there's a difference between a voluntary choice of leaving vs being kicked out. i think if i said a voluntary choice, she would throw a fuss and say im giving up so easily. as though such a choice was easy for me to choose when i spent my entire life building up to this dream - sacrificing a lot of my own life, relationships, etc - in order to get here.

but it's the final day of the first month of the year, and i don't need another month of all the heartbreak that the entirety of last year had given me. i don't need to feed it further.

#sorry this is really long #i'm just exhausted #tw vent #vent #ive had one nice thing happen to me last week but when i pull away and look over the past two weeks ive never been more depressed #thats what i mean by cons outweighing the pros #anyways #im going to try and do things for myself. connect with myself. etc.#i dont care anymore #but don't worry i'm safe!#it's more dying embers than anything #idk how else to explain it #ask to tag #bc idk what else to tag this as #i just needed this out of my system

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br4inr0tx · 2 years

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Greetings and Salutations ♡ meant to do this awhile back, but if you're still doing matchups I'd like to request a hazbin hotel matchup, if not that's okay feel free to ignore

My pronouns are She/Him and I’m Pansexual. I'm an INFP, sign being Scorpio. Im a 5'4 Hispanic female with a pear shaped figure and am a bit chubby. I have shoulder length dyed red hair thats messy constantly and gets in my face all the time which others tend fix for me for some reason. I’m an extroverted introvert, though it's really hard to speak to people or make friends as I suffer from paranoia and have scopophobia (I also have depression, and PTSD. I tend to dissociate/ feel as I'm not real) so it's rather intimidating to be around those who are new and I'm not comfortable with, I can be considered a non people person due to the fact I'm hard to approach thanks to my resting bitch face and keep my distance. It leads to many making assumptions about me / not liking me. My style consists of Goth/Grunge, and my interests align with my style as I love true crime, horror movies, gore, analog horror, induldge in the splatterpunk genre of books and love junji ito and have a few of his manga. I love finding and collecting little things for my friends and give it to them as a gift no matter what it is to the point my friends call me crow as a joke. When I finally become comfortable with someone I become very talkative and speak in a rather fast paced manner and tend to speak in both English and Spanish. I love to joke around with them and banter. Most of my humor comes off as rude or just fucked up, though I'll never joke in a manner that actually hurts the person and will apologize if I've overstepped. I’m not good with my temper however and can be pretty mean, or just go very quiet. If pushed far enough I’ll snap at anything and everything to the point I'm nothing but numb and the goal is to hurt the person. My favorite things to do for comfort / hobbies are drawing, reading, writing, playing video games (overwatch, dead by daylight, hollow knight) and or blasting music ( MCR, Get Scared, Deftones, Pierce the Veil, Souixie and the banshees, Mother Mother ). I’m a little clingy and possessive with those I love / am romantically involved with due to a lot of issues I need reassurance in any form of way it doesn't matter how big or small. I enjoy doing things for others and speak rather romantically and call them pet names. Dealing with insomnia I'm definitely awake most hours and am happy if someone is a night owl and spends that time up with me as night is likely my favorite time always having adored the moon and stars . I’m definitely a masochist and a switch though am guilty of leaning more towards submissive,,, ♡ - Cherri

you omg I remember you. thank you for the matchup on my end, I really appreciated it. :)

Your Hazbin Hotel matchup is.. Alastor !!

• This might be biased because you’re his wife, however, I just feel like the two of you would click. Husk would find you way too soft emotionally, Niffty wants someone more dominant, Angel is well..not attracted to any sort of femininity.. and Charlie and Vaggie find your gruesome interests frightening. Another person I thought about was Pentious,, but I think any parter would grow tired of his naivety and arrogant nature. And I just genuinely can’t picture you keeping up with Cherri-Bomb, light heartedly.

• So, that left me with this fucker. He has softer spots for certain people (as seen with Niffty and maybe Charlie) and when it comes to you he treats you somewhat like a..cherished pet? Trust me, you most likely would want to be put at that level than be on his shit-list.

• You’re so small and fragile..how could a tiny thing like you fall for him so easily- and not be intimidated? He teases you about it often, using you as an arm rest, or just by grabbing something atop the shelf just to show how bigger he is to you.

• Deep down, he loves you for you. He wouldn’t change a thing about you even if things about you he wishes you to get stronger from or at. Everyone has flaws, and he knows that. Learning from those flaws is something he wants to teach you. Perhaps you could do the same.

• For example, he finds some of your fears pathetic. As a high and mighty figure there isn’t much for him to fear, so its understandable. Though he might tell you to suck it up if he’s running low on patience. Other times he’s more forgiving.

• His style is more of a gothic Victorian thing. Or as Angel says; a pimp. With his New Orleans background I’d like to think he would dress similar to Dr Facilier from The Princess and The Frog.

• Point is, he enjoys a good dark toned style. Dress in something more of his style, and his jaw will DROP.

• He’s kind of tough,, he won’t watch movies with you, or watch anything really TV related. Though if theirs a live projection screening, or talk show on horror movies or true crime, he’ll watch or listen that way. I think he makes his rivalry with Vox really clear that way imo.

• Alastor doesn’t get this manga you read. The visuals are impressive-sure-but why do you read it backwards? And why is it all mostly pictures? Ironically, I see him reading them anyway just to understand them. He loves to learn if it partains to him.

• He takes the nickname "crow" to seriously, symbolism wise. Crow’s are related to death, bad luck, revenge, and most importantly..pride. Really anytime he sees one it compels him to think about you, and in return maybe even get you a thoughtful gift. In his prideful way he changed it into a nickname you should be proud of. He tends to just call you “my crow.”

• Fast or slow talking, Alastor is very quick witted and usually understands every word you’re saying. He has very fucked up humor and would gladly join you in bickering about morbid things.

• As a overlord, he doesn’t really have time for insults. All "water off a ducks back" n stuff. He makes an effort to teach that to you as well. Though that effort quickly becomes slightly hypocritical when someone says something to you while he’s right next to you. I mean, the audacity, right?

• Again, being an overlord he can’t show any sense of vulnerability. That being said the only way you can see him even close to being cuddly is in your shared bed, shortly before the two of you fall asleep. He might settle for slight hand holding, but even then only with a limited amount of people.

• Alastor is a healthy man, physically, and makes and effort to get a proper sleep schedule. He’s going to help you do the same, even if he has to use one of his spells or sing you to sleep. Those times are the times you’d see him cuddle you the most.

• Most of the pet names he uses are “dear”, “love”, “darling”, and “sweetheart”. Simple, yet with his charming and smooth voice, very effective.

• Imagine the two of you dancing to Arm Tonite by Mother Mother. He admits it’s not his type of music, but something about the lyrics pulls at his heart strings.

• Or even imagine a cute date night with the two of you..first he takes you out to dinner at a VERY expensive restaurant, and then takes you out stargazing. It’s all different from what it used to be with the red sky and all..but he hopes it’s just as enjoyable.

• I know it’s canonical he’s asexual, but I think he’s still romantic? Especially in the additional comic where he somewhat flirts with some ladies. Though the fandom, per usual, throws that out the window.

• Still, he gives more dominant vibes for any relationship. He’s used to being at the top for most things, so why should it just stop at power?

• The two of you are peas in a pod. Your own little twisted fairy tail. Whatever I could use to describe to cheesy romance- you get it. A match made for in hell. <3

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kingisuu · 2 years

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my art struggles :)

i have been struggling with art as of like december i think?

Let me tell you like, around last year i was rll happy drawing, like i would just draw pictures i thought looked good without giving much thought to my process and at that time i just thought i would improve over time. After like a while, i thought that i needed to change things up because i was tired of how my pieces looked.

After draining dry my friends for advice and critiques, i decided to search up on youtube. Up to that point, i only really followed art tutorials that my friends gave me and nothing else. But then i discovered a lot of art youtubers like Ethan Becker or Samdoesarts, basically the current youtube art stars. I really liked their content and i learned a lot by them. But thats where like my problem started appearing.

Like i undestand those videos are very helpful for people who are completely clueless about drawing, but those videos pressured me a lot. They were making pointers like using references ( i didnt even know what a reference was ), thinking about the silluette, separating the body in specific shapes and all around adding more and more rules to something i thought i had somewhat started to figure out. I’m not in any way saying these tips aren’t important, but like after knowing these things, all i could do was find those mistakes in my artwork.

So what i did, was that i worked on everything at once and tried to implement everything into my art style. Long story short, it didn’t work at all and it resulted in me not being able to finish any piece i created, because i just didnt have any attatchment to it. Every sketch i made felt like miles away from the previous one and together with school and my desire to want a consistent art style, i kinda broke down for a while. At these times most people would take a break from art and thats what i did, believing that what i had was art block. In reality, the breaks i took didnt work and i kept drawing the same and still judging it very harshly.

Just a heads up, i didn’t just take advice from just 1 or 2 youtubers, i took from like 6 , everyone with a drastically different art style, which didn’t blend in with the previous one. I was thinking of the silluette of a character while at the same time wanting to do realistic shading to make it look more 3D, as well trying to implement as many colors as possible, and the cherry on top is that i started to paint, which meant i had to do so much rendering to the point that the piece looked completely different from the sketch and not good at all. Im not saying what i was aiming for was impossible, but i am saying that it was difficult for me.

To be honest, i still don’t think i can give up my harsh judgement to my art. Even when i just sit and draw out of my head i never like the piece and think its not good enough. It feels like im doing too stylized work and that it will seem like i haven’t improved at all from like my early days of digital art, where the pieces were horrible. Saying that, i have tried finding an in between with semi-realism, but i didnt like that either.

Its safe to say that the critique system on my art has been destroyed and i don’t know what is right for me or what is wrong. I have thought about giving it up, but to be honest when i sit down and look at art works, it just makes me want to draw even more, so yeah it seems like im not going anywhere lol.

This is already a very long post but idc, here’s also a persona drawing without using any references. Anyways, what i wanted to say and i will see how this develops from here

#art #artists on tumblr #art struggles #art problems #digital art #fuckthisisverysoft

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thewingedwolf · 2 years

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Went to a pride party, absolutely fucking crashed and burned several times at socialization and I apologized to my friend for being Terrible At Parties and my friend goes “you really ARE bad at talking I can’t believe I never noticed it! That feels like this one is on me!” And honestly I think that was the first time anyone has ever taken responsibility for my anxiety and for some reason I do not understand at ALL it made me feel REALLY good about myself ya kno like it was the equivalent of taking your friend who you know damn well hates shellfish to a crab shack and not understand why they’re annoyed as they pick at their shitty ass salad. Like yeah man my anxiety is YOUR problem bro not mine.

Uh anyways so all that anxiety + anxiety from the event we had today - which went really well!!! I’m actually really happy with how it went! We put a lot of hard work into it and it really paid off! - and also generally my anxiety has been awful lately + the amount of pot I consumed at that party bro if I would have realized they were gonna be that free and loose with the weed I would have brought an ice pack, propped my leg up on a chair, and started smoking the moment I came in so I could have lasted longer!!!! = I have been like uh ~talking with a dude and I’m being very careful because Im actually Very careful on the internet, sometimes in weird ways, and I know there are ways I could be safer for sure, but I also think that while my anxiety has hindered my ability to date in a lot of ways, once or twice it has helped me realize that there was a red flag I missed not too far away and then I bailed and it was the RIGHT decision. This guy wasn’t talking down to me, we were sort of disagreeing about serious stuff so it was tense but we weren’t arguing, just discussing and finding we had different world views on something. And then I made a joke about how I just wanted them to raise the minimum wage bc my rent was expensive to lighten the mood up a bit, bc we had both been throwing jokes in every few minutes so it didn’t get too serious and then…then I looked at my phone and it said that he had deleted a chat he had sent, and then he sort of made some “this system is broken someone needs to fix it” and that’s FINE except we haven’t really discussed politics and I admit I’ve been a little mum in that regard bc he’s bisexual and we sort of really quickly bonded over the weirdness of being raised technically in yiur culture but unable to speak the language and that was interesting but also doesn’t mean anything like maybe he meant it in a commie sort of way since he’s told me he’s been really affected by COVID so maybe he, like a lot of people, found himself feeling more and more than this system is inherently broken beyond repair. Or MAYBE he meant it in a “you know I really think trump was onto something” sort of way and I’ve been staring at these messages wondering what the fuck they mean but let me reiterate, I have not looked at these messages ONCE without being bogged down with anxiety or high as a kite! He might not have been making an Anakin skywalker style “maybe dictators are good actually” type comment, you might, in fact, just have spent the last 20 hours in a bungled mess of anxiety and weed and pain.

Um anyways this program went really well and I think I’m gonna stay on to do it next year because I had sort of a good time, it reminded me why I like working in a library, but also, I’m so glad it’s over bc it was so much effort and I’m so anxious and tired all the time akskdkjd I don’t do anything but sleep and watch the same three episodes of a show bc I keep falling asleep, and then texting this dude at 4 am when I wake up bc I can’t sleep thru the night bc he keeps the WEIRDEST hours so I know he’ll be up and like ~flirting until I fall back asleep. That’s it. That’s been most of my life bc of this program the last few weeks. It’s not bad, but bro I would LOVE a CHANGE

In other news a pretty (straight) girl hugged me at work and I almost cried its been such a great pride already 🥲🥲🥲

#rani makes text posts no one will read

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wanderrlust0 · 2 months

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i havent journaled in a while so i guess ill do one now while i wait for this melly to kick in so i can sleep.

i actually meant to do this last night but i got too tired to continue after typing 2 words lol. i went to work today and then hung out with my bf afterwards for like 6.5hrs. it was a good time with him today. we really just smoked a little joint in his backyard while his dogs ran around. then he made grilled pork and we had his sisters pasta and meatballs with it. we watched the new ep of frieren while eating some krispy kreme glazed donut that his sister brought and then we just hung out for the rest of the night. funny enough, i actually meant to write some things about him last night but after hanging out today, my initial thoughts have changed. basically, ive noticed that hes been in this weird funk for a few wks and i couldnt really figure out what it was and if it was just me overanalyzing or whatever. after i hung out with snow which was feb2, there was an incident where i accidentally forgot to reply for 2hrs, even tho i read his msg so that affected our relationship in a way to the point where like he apparently started to care less and wasnt fully into it all. the way he explained it to me, he felt like he was holding back his feelings or like they just werent connecting and whenever we hung out, it felt like a regular hangout (almost like how a friend hangout would feel). it was only up until recently where he started to acknowledge it more bc of this recurring situation we were having with sex. like for a little bit honestly, i would notice that he wasnt fully into it like he used to be/normally is. i didnt say anything at first but after a while i think we were on the topic and i told him what ive been noticing. then all of a sudden it got worse bc it was actually affecting our relationship. it made us (but mostly him) question our connection, his state of mind, our chemistry, all that. like we didnt know what the problem was since this like never happens so its weird.. and he did bring back up how when i hung out with snow last time, at the time he told me that something in him switched and he couldnt explain it or fully understand it but whatever it was, i guess it was progressively becoming more prevalent without him realizing. like he was pretty much self sabotaging himself and so he recently actually had to like “self reflect” foreal bc i swear, he was being less like himself and less emotional and genuinely happy and not as affectionate. it wasnt completely obvious but i def did sense that something felt different. i felt like he would act jealous and suspicious of me at times and itd be his own trust issues coming out, as well as some insecurity. like, at times those parts of him were tiring bc its like the same things over & over. it made me feel like he was trying to find literally anything to use to try to pick at with me. like to find fault in me or accuse me/suspect me of something that i clearly am not doing. like i already know hes got some deep rooted trust issues and self esteem issues but damn it felt like i was always the one messing up and upsetting him and making it like hes just being sensitive and dramatic..like!! no!! its just sometimes so difficult to try to tell someone who is actually overthinking and overdoing it without sounding like youre gaslighting or brushing it off as nothing. i really was trying to understand him and his pov. its seriously all bc of my friendship with snow which is crazy…like how has our friendship become this prominent in both our lives and is causing this much conflict between us, even tho i told him a million times that it shouldnt. i tell him the truth about it, im not lying, not cheating, not anything but its affected him soo much. btw we are trying to plan a day to hang out again soo we shall see how he reacts to it & ill also not make the same mistake. ill deal with that later but at least today, he felt like really great and happy which is good and it made me realize how i did miss this from him. im glad were okay tho:)

#journal #mypost

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krystlind · 4 months

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I feel free and light because I know I’m not settling for less anymore

My world has expanded again

Even though I’m in the “middle” of it, I’ve already left because my heart has stopped shrinking to fit into this

Never again will I convince myself to settle because this is good enough and you won’t find better

I leave with gratitude and love because you show me what’s possible

And how I’m capable of loving and pushing someone along and caring about them even when I don’t feel that way about them

I’ve seen my own downfalls and tendency to manipulate the situation to get safety, security and what I want. This is the part we leave here.

I don’t regret any of it, because I can honestly say I was ready to try, to picture you as the one, and go forward with that. for a moment I did see you as potentially being my partner

There was something so lovely about having the Christmas holidays with a boy again who liked me, and we can have the fireplace on and the Christmas tree with our ornaments and we can bake and put on movies. I honestly think that’s what I potentially did this for. And to feel that I could love, that we can do this for each other, in this lonely world. But even in the midst of all that, I was getting short, impatient- like when we picked out the Christmas tree at the farm. It was all around me just like I pictured, but the soul wasn’t there. I should enjoyed our hot coco you got for us, and as we drove up to the farm. But you were asking me questions about prn and how I felt about it, and each word I said made me see you weren’t the one. And I was tired of answering your questions. And as we walked into the Christmas tree farm, I could feel myself coaxing myself, “it’s okay. Just drop into this moment. Look how cute it all is. It’s okay.. be here..”

But yet we got all the frames down, the Christmas montage. I got the cinematic couples Christmas montage. I wonder what song was playing in the forefront? It couldn’t have been “you make me feel so young” like I’d first assume, because in elf there was that innocent feeling, and none of it was like that. Perhaps “Have yourself..”

I can’t tell what the dominant feeling is… that I’m grateful? Or annoyed? Maybe both? You did nothing wrong, neither did I. Because I did for a second picture you, with our kids, then I felt my life shrink. I did for a moment try to see you take us there, but it would be taking us *there*, pushing. As I did as you physically took me to church, but I *took* us there. You physically took us to the party, but I *took* us there.

I want someone to also *take* me there

It’s funny how I intentioned for all this- the Christmas montage- the lights, the decors, the baking.. and when it showed up all around me, I didn’t really feel it like it should have been

I don’t feel bad because I absolutely know we met for a reason. I have brought this chapter in your life that you will forever have as a reference and baseline in your book. Perhaps you’ll take her to the places, perhaps you’ll check out Prague, perhaps you’ll join the volleyball team, all like I showed you too. And I’m happy because you needed someone to open the door to, to open the door for you and give the first relationship experience. And likewise, I needed to know this respect and gentleness existed.

I needed gentleness and reliability. Thank you.

I also realize I can’t just take that and be annoyed. That I’m explaining every single concept on the show, of building companies, of culture and the Bible, of my dreams and yours too. I’m getting tired of being the color in the pages of your black & white coloring book. Perhaps you’re tired of being the black lines, on the white pages, the structure, to my paints.

Im not annoyed at you as a person I’m just annoyed because you’re not what I want for me, perhaps it’s the same to you. You’ve been nothing but good TO me, just not the category, and you are meant to be loved for YOU. I am meant to be loved for me, not what I inspire you to be.

Well in a way I guess we are 2 people using each other, and it should be 2 people loving each other.

So thank you. I am so decided.

With Tamy tonight at her house over soup: “this is our last time- no more packing. No more.”

You know the pattern, the story now Krystl. No more strategizing. No more overthinking.

You don’t need Valentine’s Day- it would feel fake. Just like Christmas.

Why did the holidays feel so easy? To be into you? During Thanksgiving sleeping with you at your friends, during the Christmas party, or Omaha. Because of what you stood for and fortress you created for me while I was in my whirlwind work. I got turned on because I was feeling like I could fall into you, you stood as the bigger thing, It was manly. Now, I’m seeing everything as a b version. I need a man- who can put his foot down for the world and for me. Who can lead me. It has been exhausting pushing us, leading us. What was it again?

Man well respected by those around him, Fears the Lord, respects me and my body, confident

Teaches me something, inspires and expands me

I am so grateful to have your safety. I’m sorry I was never “here” I tried to be. You are a kind man.

I am a daughter of the high King and I serve a strong office in heaven. The Daughter of high appointing here on earth just walk her Royal path, in abundance, knowing her Father takes care of her. I trust it. Father show me where to go. If I was on your highest path. You don’t not leave me with no roof over my head. I don’t have to be tactile. You prepare a wonderful house for me.

I am your Daughter and with my obedience you will take care of me.

The righteous walks securely. You promised. Here I go.

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indigo474 · 1 year

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May 25th 2023- a little bit better than i use to be-

so much so much so much- i really should write more. i read a news story today about kids being neglected and abused. why are people so horrible? those poor babies- it makes me sad. exactly why i don't watch the news. i had someone in work tell me "they " are shooting people on 95. Really? I had no idea. she looked at me in disgust and said you really need to be more informed. I don't need to hear and read about what a fucked up world we live in to know what a fucked up world we live in. Being informed makes me sad and scared- 2 things i am trying desperately not to be. Work is going good. it's so much nicer going to work as the boss-so much better. My boss- the Ice Queen, likes me. I can tell and i am grateful. We are going out shopping together for the company picnic. I'm in charge. HA. People dislike me for doing my job. A lot of people are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions. they blame me for doing MY job- the truth is- if they did their job- i wouldn't have to do mine. the Ice Queen is MOODY- I'm not sure if she is still drinking- she tends to hide in her office.

I should be getting my check-any day now. i asked MAds if she would mind moving out of our town. she's open to it-as long as we are safe and happy. i don't want to leave this town.. but i have to do what is best for me and if i cant find a place to live-- BUT i keep telling myself that SOMETHING wonderful is going to happen and the PERFECT place will be mine- i have to believe it. whats that saying- whats meant for me is mine- whats meant for me won't pass me by-

James went hard on me tonight. My knee pain is gone- i started taking a supplement- i use to take it and stopped and just started again and it works. i finally mentioned to james that during my cycle its harder to lift. Because it is- there is a huge difference. it wasnt weird to him. yeah its true- but we cant use that as an excuse- his words. tonight he upped everything-benched 105. i'm going to be sore tomorrow, i only squatted 175 this week. i need to get my ass into the gym and do my workout over the weekend. James shared a lot about himself tonight. he paid off his student loans, is getting a new car- not sure what kind- skipped a vacation with his buddies to Puerto rico because he lost 1200 on a bet- he even got out the dry erase marker and drew me pictures so i could understand what he was talking about. UFC and basketball- from what he said, and drew - it was just unbelievable how he lost the bets and he thinks its the universe telling him he shouldn't bet. he said it made him sick. he's a good person. i can tell. Kika was tired tonight- she didnt even bark when i walked up. she's such a good girl. we played a little.

my friend in work-the one who i think is on drugs and never talks about her husband. she told me her husband is dumb and useless. she's always saying she would be fine if she only had some xanax. dont say it dont say it. for months he same thing- i would be fine if i had xanax- dont fucking say it. if i had xanax i would be fine---- i know a dr. she use to see him, she called that afternoon and got herself an appointment. today she comes in and is talking so fast- too fast. i use the term friend loosely. this should be interesting- maybe she's right- maybe all she needs is xanax.

i spent all day last saturday watching porn and masturbating. i got myself a new vibrator - its dam near perfect. quiet -

im sure there is soooo much more to write about. i am tired. got my friday shift changed for the summer-every other friday im workiing 9-6. this will work out good- i can still run after work. the ice queen likes me-thank God- the right people like me-its more important i like myself-

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highpriestess-stuff · 1 year

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Wooow what a day who knew getting a solid routine would help your life so much i mean it could be better cause im still praying for my grandma doing everything i can so things turn around for me and my family but im pretty sure im on the right track cause 4:44 popped on the clock right before i went to bed i know my angels are listening to me and helping me so im trying to do everything i can its just so hard when you have so much anger and resentment but i guess for someone like me its just best to sit with it and experience the emotion instead of always impulsively popping off on the person even tho i want to so badly go off on my mama like damn karma really is a bitch but he really fucked things up for me and my cousin & now was am i supposed to do just watch her be against me for the rest of my life because her dad never gave me the respect i deserve oh but she does? with the bitch ass shit shes doing and some how i was always the bad guy? like how does that make sense she tries to humiliate me every chance i get just the way he did so im just supposed to keep me fuckin distance and her for her to just learn on her own like why are we even family i spent my entire life loving her so much for what just for her to turn against me this fucking sucks so bad and i dont know what to do about it i hate how much i love my family i wish i didnt because *the shit i do for them i know they wouldnt do for me * i wish i wasnt like this its so hard to just sit still and be quite but unfortunatly thats my path and thats what i have to do i can control people ... story of my FUCKING LIFE i just wanna shake her and be like what the fuck are u doing? but u know what not my problem he can deal with it im just ill figure it out so what if i never had a single loyal bitch in my life im just sick and tired of all these fuckin men i just wana some loyal mother fuckin women in my life but they always seem to stab me in the fuckin back i just never thought it would be her too i know the path shes going on is wrong and i just wanna be there and protect her so bad but i cant and it fuckin breaks my soul like its not even about me but theres nothing i can do so thanks a lot to my fucked up family the best advice my mom had given is just dont say anything & god damn is that harder then ever i guess i can just keep journaling about it.. and just keep my damn mouth shut cause it has been going well so far i just need to focus more on things that make me happy.

Its so crazy cause i was working at CD06 and out of now where A shows up with his buddy whos like do u know this guy and A's energy just went from depressed looking down to so happy and just owning his fuckin space like all his attention was on me it made his buddy so uncomfortable telling me how he called me on my birthday but i changed my number like damn where did that confidence come from boy. I guess when something is meant to be it truly does find you at the worst time of my life when my grandma is in the hospital im at the lowest ive ever been and he found me. I remember when i was in the best time of my life he was at his lowest and i found him. Its so crazy how these things happen & now hes in a good place clearly and now he wants to be there for me.. like what i remember he was so lost and when we first hung out i brought him 2 rockstars 1 for me 1 for him and it brought the biggest smile on his face.. i guess he never forgot about that its just so crazy to me like how can these guys love me sooo much and my family just wont even give me a chance like what it makes zero sense to me i didnt even have to try i was only ever being myself and my family cant even appreciate who i am its just really weird hes also met S and he knows about him i just wonder what it could all mean i know i should stop trying to figure things out and just live but i hate not knowing things i mean if i knew A was going to be such a huge part of my life i wouldnt have fucked it up the way that i did although it wasnt my fault at some point i was pretty tempted too but i knew it just wasnt going to go any where do i never wanted to give him the false hope cause we just have such an amazing friendship and he just gets so fuckin protective its crazy i hate leading people on but its like i am so clear about what i want i dont wanna lose any more people it hurts so bad i think about our friendship all the time but i can never give him what he wants like its not him its me i know myself so why would i do that to my best friend? who i love so dearly and only ever want the fuckin best for him although i am the best... lol chemistry is just so important for me and its like if it aint there it aint there i dont want it to be another S situation cause my love can make a nigga go crazy & thats the last thing i want whats wrong with just wanting company? why do they always want more .. i wish that wasnt the case i dont wanna lie and go behind his back like thats the fuckin problem and if im already doing that as your friend because im afraid of hurting u how can we ever be more? yeah we look good together we would have amazing fuckin babies im just always all about doing the right thing and i hope we can stay friends and still grow individually :( i hope he can do that like nothing would make me happier if he just was on the same page i cant keep going on like this i just want everything to go back to the way it was i need him to think of me stictly as his best friend not another girl on his roaster like bruhhhhhh get over it !!! we are family lol

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