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#but idk who was roommates this year sorry
tapedsleeves · 11 months
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Who would you give your newly created hockey awards to first?
best celly
Noms:
Robo's hat trick celly - just laying down
Geno's shootout win - trying to throw the stick over the glass & missing.
Bergeron's 1000th point - rubbing the numbers off his helmet
winner: this is a HARD ONE, man this is hard, but I gotta go with Bergeron's 1k. it is SUCH a good moment, everyoneeeee loves him so much and just. it's sooo lovely and fun
should have been a kiss
Noms:
Jack & Marchy @ Marchy's Conn Smythe Win
Every time those bruin goalies hugged
Thomas Chabot telling Tim Stuzle that his goal was "fucking nasty, bro" CBJ
winner: As much as I love Jack and Marchy.... and as much as I'm on the Thomas Chabot kiss the homies agenda.... it''s gotta be those goalies man. They just. Linus Ullmark hand fed Jeremy Swayman multiple times and nobody said anything!!! should have been kissing the whole time the most of anybody.
oh my god they were roommates
Noms (all time)
Mark Stone Rookie House (2019-2020)
Connor Dewar & Brandon Duhaime (wild, 2021-2022 maybe)
Shane Pinto & Jake Sanderson
winner: This is very Sens heavy, but that's the roommate situation I know the most about. And for that, it's going to Shane Pinto & Jake Sanderson. Please understand, they adopted guinea pigs.
oops, ice slippy
Noms:
Jack Hughes
Tim Stuztle's general wet noodlyness
Cale Makar falling down during the fastest skater comp at the ASG
winner: Jack Hughes for sure. Timmy falls down a lot, but Jack's fall had SO MUCH flair.
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awek-s-archived · 1 year
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I’m like forever insecure re friendships bc everyone I’ve met so far is like. incapable of communication and I don’t even mean that as an excuse .. ppl just genuinely can’t talk abt shit when it matters and then it ruins everything
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starpros-sunshine · 2 years
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Rotating the Aireichi dorm around in my mind like a carousel rn and just hmmm I want them to have more moments together
#look just#I have a lot of thoughts about them#they're 99% insignificant average headcanons about stuff they could potentially get up to#like my thoughts about Wataru taking puffy bunny to an amusement park#just stuff like that yanno#anw I think Aira seems like the kinda person that does facial masks once a week or so and Eichi and Rei invited themselves to one of his -#skin care sessions so now you sometimes go into their dorm room and one of them is sitting there with a weird facial mask#idk I think that's just very fun to think about#that story woth Reis coffin was so fun I wanna see more of that#Imagine rooming with this super attractive absolutely stunning and amazingly cool guy who's just a total dreamboat -#the former demon king of Yumenosaki unofficial leader of the five eccentrics official leader of undead hot vampire genuis yadda yadda yadda#and you're super intimidated but you think at least your other roommate will be not as intimidating#joke's on you it's Yumenosakis ex-top idol now leader of one of the top three units in the industry unfathomably rich -#Imagine being Aira I would've died on the spot#and then you live with these people and the cool vampire is actually just some whiney 21 year old that pretends to be an old guy#and the other guy articulates himself like he was written by Shakespeare and has absolutely no feeling for how much -#trauma is an appropriate amount of trauma to tell someone about and also has a questionable sense of humour#and those two are like passive agressive cats#and you're constantly being dragged into their squabbles#Aira honey I am so sorry you have to live like this#and in one of Eichis voice lines it says that Watarus birds sometimes deliver morning calls to him#does that mean they're just???? tapping onto the window glass until someone opens???#if so then that's coming onto the pile of things to deal with as well#indirectly having to deal with your roomies boyfriends shenanigans#Aira honey I am /so/ sorry you have to live like this#but then again he and Eichi can be idol fanboys together so ig there's a win in there somewhere#enstars#eichi tenshouin#rei sakuma#aira shiratori
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nappingpaperclip · 4 months
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does anyone else feel like they’ve never been not stressed out??
like idk…I’ve been chronically stressed since I became conscious. I grew up in an incredibly stressful environment. ever since I moved out I’ve been stressed about school or work or housing or just finding food . There is always something. I’ve never had a break from stress that lasted longer than a day or two. does anyone else relate? what am I supposed to do about this
#not to trauma dump [voice of a guy who’s abt to trauma dump in the tags] but#growing up under incredible stress has probably fucked me up forever so idk what to do anymore#constant screaming/fighting and like not a lot but sometimes domestic violence#also like. being incredibly poor. and living in a hoarder house#animal hoarding#being incredibly medically and emotionally and otherwiseneglected#alongside neglected animals. dealing with unresolved flea infestations#forcibly enrolled into advanced academic stuff and unable to drop out even when my mental health could not take it#like it literally took an emergency room visit to convince my mom to let me drop out and even then I had to spend months playing catch up b#something they don’t tell you about trying to kys and going to a ward is most of your teachers won’t excuse ur missing work or care at all#also got outed to my mom by the mental hospital#sorry to trauma dump I just idk. my life sucks lol and no therapist I’ve ever gone to has actually cared or listened to everything I’ve bee#thruough#oh and I got groomed. awesomesauce#then graduated hs during 2020 right at the beginning of the pandemic 💔#a couple years go by bc I’m too busy with my coworkers raging psychological warfare on me lol and my ex roommate trying to kick us out#then just starting college while working thank god I was able to move out and my mom moved back to Kentucky#but now I am just starving and I no longer have food stamps and idk I just 💔 working and going to college is so hard and I’m not even full#time if either rn#but I also fell out with literally my only close friend recently so yea.#life just feels like one big test that I keep failing over and over again#like idk how am I supposed to be normal or live a normal life after all I’ve been through. I’ve seen enough!!#the world just has always and continues to look so bleak and cruel to me#idk. idk.#maybe I’m just doomed by the narrative#trauma dumping#vent#.txt#typing it all out and reading it like this makes me idk. it doesn’t look so bad when I reread it like I think I’m just being dramatic idk#ripping out mt hair I just want to be normal
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edgybutnotveryedgy · 9 months
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...
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deityofhearts · 11 months
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at this point I have so much like trauma and paranoia around love, being loved and loving others. like I want to be loved but I also can’t fully believe or accept that anyone would possibly love me or that they won’t get tired of me and stop loving me especially given the reason that it’s traumatic in the first place like, even knowing why I’m like this does nothing to make things any better or easier to deal with. That said I do want to be loved I want to love people but it just gets hard for me to not let my insecurities get in the way and make it harder for me to maintain relationships and cause me to hurt other people because of it, I want to think I’m getting better in that I’m at least trying not to hurt others because of how I feel but like idk, it’s a whole thing
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whimsyprinx · 1 year
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also sorry to the people who do actually care about or like me, I’ll just never know or believe you do me unless you actually say something
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cinnamostar · 5 months
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blind date
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pairing : changbin x gn!reader
summary : when you’re set up on a blind date and it turns out to be your ex boyfriend from two years ago
wc : 1.6k
cw : nonidol!au, they’re exes your honor, fluffy, cutesy, not proof read that much idk what else
a/n : wrote this on my phone again so sorry for any mistakes! i don’t really know how to feeeel abt this fic, not my best work but i hope you like it!
you let out a nervous sigh as you enter the restaurant, a cold shiver traveling down your spine as the hostess leads you to your table, one your friends reserved on your behalf. you were starting to regret agreeing to this blind date your friends, hyunjin and felix, set you up on, but they were so insistent on it and said they found the ‘perfect’ match for you. you weren’t sure if you could trust them that much, but you knew at the very least, whoever it was wouldn’t be some creep like your other unfortunate dates.
hyunjin and felix were some of your best friends, ones you made in the last two years since you moved to the city due to a new position you got in your company. you met them by chance through a few coworkers, and since then, the three of you have been inseparable. they were incredibly supportive people, but they were tired of hearing you complain about shitty dates every weekend, so they decided to take matters in their own hands, stating they know this really cool guy through some other friends who was ‘totally’ your type. and apparently this new guy just moved to the city a few months ago too, so you would be the perfect tour guide for him too.
regardless of your nerves, you decide to put your trust in your friends as you patiently wait for this mystery man to arrive. you were curious to know what those two boys believed your type was and what made them so hellbent on making you go on this date, but perhaps curiosity killed the cat.
“hey, sorry im late!” a voice you were all too familiar with rings in your ears, the man before you rushing into his seat across from you with an apologetic smile as your mouth hangs open in utter shock and surprise, goosebumps making themselves known all over your body.
once he sits down, he looks up to meet your flabbergasted expression, the smile on his face falling once the realization hits him. his faces pales, almost as if he just saw a ghost appear right before his very eyes.
“changbin?” you ask incredulously, still not able to accept the ridiculousness of the situation.
“y/n?!” he mirrors your tone, except he was far more boisterous than you, causing a few heads to turn as he flashes a sheepish and apologetic grin to the other patrons around you two.
“i… uh, you’re my blind date?” he questions in a lower volume with raised eyebrows.
you sigh, an astounded chuckle escaping you, “i guess so…”
“i see… since when did you move here?”
“uhm, a little bit over two years ago. i ended up taking that promotion my company offered me,” you respond, a hint of anxiousness trembling through your words.
“oh, so, basically after we broke up..?”
“mhm,” you hum in confirmation, your body feeling tense due to the awkwardness that hung in the air between you two. “felix and hyunjin told me you just moved here, right?”
changbin nods, “yeah, one of my old friends needed a roommate and i just kinda wanted a fresh start, so i took my chances. how do you know hyunjin and felix?”
“coworkers,” you reply shortly, not really sure what to do in this situation.
“oh, cool! they’re old high school friends of mine, we only reconnected recently,” he smiles gently, biting his lips due to his nervousness, “i’m sorry if this is awkward.”
“ah, no, it’s okay. it’s no one’s fault, this is just some crazy coincidence,” you reassure him, “we don’t have to go through with the rest of the date, it’s okay to end it he-“
“no, no!” he interrupts, a dusting of pink appearing on his cheeks, “if you’re okay with it, we can just use this to catch up, no? it’s been awhile since we last spoke.”
you let out an uncertain sigh, “i’m fine with it, it’s just that we really didn’t end on the greatest of terms, did we?”
changbin’s face grimaces as he reflects back on the last months of your relationship, ones that were filled with constant fighting and disagreements over the littlest of things, which ultimately led to a very over dramatic break up since you both had become sick of each other over time. “no, definitely not,” he chuckles, “but we can catch up like old friends, no? unless, you wanna miss out on a lovely time with me, then that’s your decision,” he teases, the old changbin you once fell in love with slowly peaking through.
you roll your eyes playfully, “right, it would be a shame if i missed out on something like that,” a smile breaks out onto your face, a sudden wave of butterflies and shyness overtaking you. “sure, let’s catch up. i don’t mind.”
“great,” he clasps his hand almost as if he was celebrating this small victory, an embarrassed smile taking over his features, “well, i guess hyunjin and felix weren’t lying when they said this ‘mystery date,’” he lifts his hands to do air quotes, “would be my ideal type.”
you shake your head, laughing at his statement, “right, they weren’t wrong at all. maybe they were a little too spot on.”
somehow, those two hit the nail on the head and somehow paired up two former lovers through some miraculous twist of fate. there was no denying that your heart still had room for changbin, a piece of it feeling empty since your relationship with him ended. at the end of it, you had chalked it up to right person, but bad timing, as each of you were far too engrossed in each other’s career goals that inevitably took time away from the other. it wasn’t the right set of circumstances for either of you, as nether of you were at a stage of life where you could nourish a healthy relationship. he was once the person you imagined to spend the rest of your life with, but at that time, you thought if you weren’t able to bear hardships with him, then maybe he wasn’t meant to be that person. it was easier to accept you two were never meant to be, but your heart knew better than that. your heart knew he was the one, but that life just cruelly got in the way of your relationship with him.
eventually, the waiter came around to take down your orders, briefly interrupting the flow of conversation you and changbin were having. in some strange way, talking to changbin against was incredibly refreshing, as you missed the sense of safety and familiarity he brought with him. he was still the same sweet and endearing changbin you once fell in love with all those years ago, and maybe those feelings of love never truly left your heart as each time he would giggle, your heart would thump out your chest. you found yourself having to resist the natural urge to hold his hand, or to reach over and pinch his cheeks like you use to do back when you were together.
you missed this, and you missed changbin more than you could’ve ever imagined. his very appearance was enough to rekindle old flames of affection you once held for him, ones you never thought you’d be able to experience again. you both were enjoying every moment together, laughing and poking fun at each other as if nothing had ever changed, and before you knew it, two hours had gone by in the blink of an eye.
changbin insisted on walking you to your car, matter-of-factly informing you it’s what chivalrous men like himself do, which sent you into a small fit of giggles.
a gentle breeze bellows through you both, a comfortable silence filling the air, the awkwardness from earlier no longer to be found. you look up to the night sky, taking a chance to admire the full moon that glistens above you.
“you know, whenever i look at the moon, i still think of you,” changbin confesses in a hushed whisper, a longing look in his eyes as if he was looking off into some distant memory. you turn to him with a quizzical expression, urging him to go on. “you use to always tell me to look how pretty the moon was nearly every night. even if we weren’t together, you would text me to go outside and look at it,” he reminisced fondly.
“you always looked too,” you smile.
“honestly, i didn’t really get it at first,” he laughs, “but i loved you and it always made you happy whenever we looked at it together, so i made sure to look at it every night. even if we were fighting and weren’t with each other. even now, i still look up and think of you.”
your face grows hot as his words fluster you, the unexpected vulnerability catching you off guard, “thank you,” you respond gently, “for doing that for me. it always made me feel very loved.”
“i still do it. i think part of me will always love you no matter what.”
your breath hitches, your eyes widening as he looks away bashfully, not expecting or planning for those words to ever leave his mind. you let out a soft exhale through your nose, a shaken smile taking over your features, “i feel the same way too.”
quietness returns, neither of you sure how to continue the conversation as you reach your car, “well, this is me,” you break the silence, pointing to the car next to you, “thank you for today, it was… fun. i had a lot of fun.”
he nods, “me too,” taking in a deep breath, “do you… do you want to do this sometime again?” he asks meekly, fearing your response.
“yeah, i’d really like that, changbin.”
“okay, great. it’s… it’s a date?”
“it’s a date.”
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astrxq · 1 year
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Cosmic feelings
ethan landry x fem!reader
words: 3.2k
notes: idk if i like this 😭 not proofread so there might be some mistakes <3
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Here's the corrected version of the text with grammar, punctuation, and vocabulary improvements:
There was no one in the world as oblivious as Ethan Landry when it came to girls. Seeing his roommate Chad get flooded with girls crushing on him really made him question whether he should step out of his shell or rather stay in it to save himself from the embarrassment of rejection. He was an attractive guy, at least that's what Chad kept reminding him, but he was such a mess when he had to strike up a conversation.
He'd tried once with you, the girl sitting next to him in economics, but you were so pretty to him that he ended up blabbering out that he needed to borrow a pen, when his purpose was to ask how your day had been. You were sweet, though; you offered him a small smile and the pen even though he had one sitting right next to his notebook. You didn't question it.
He tried not to overthink the small interaction, but he felt like some kind of force from the universe hated him because ever since that day, he'd been seeing you everywhere. Talking to his roommate, outside of campus, at the movies, the park—everywhere he went, he seemed to bump into you. You'd usually offer him a smile and a small wave, and he'd return it, trying to avoid Chad seeing him, because he knew he'd get made fun of if he was caught blushing because of a simple wave.
You had tried to make it obvious that you wanted to talk to him. It seemed odd how a boy so gorgeous could be looked past by so many people. He'd caught your eye the moment he sat next to you. He didn't even look your way at first, but as the teacher explained, you could feel him glance. It was adorable how he'd scratch the back of his head when he was solving a problem on his impressively neat notebook or when he bit his nails awaiting the teacher to notice he was having trouble with something he'd just explained.
Ethan wasn't dumb; everyone knew he was one of the few who understood economics. So when you reached out to the professor about needing tutoring, his name was quickly brought up. "Mr. Landry could help; you'd have to ask him, but I assume that will not be an issue as you already sit together in my classes."
Well, that wasn't as easy as the professor had made it sound. Four months into the year and only one conversation was had where he looked like he so badly wanted to stand up and run out before you even handed the pen to him. He was a fast walker, you realized, catching up to him as he made his way out of the building while keeping his head down looking at his phone and his free hand holding onto a strap of his backpack. "Ethan!" you called.
Once he heard his name from such an unfamiliar voice, he turned around, his backpack colliding with your cheek as he faced you. "Shit! I'm so sorry; I didn't see you. Are you okay?" he rambled, his cheeks going into a deep shade of red as he examined your face with a panicked look while you rubbed at your cheek. "I'm okay, I'm okay."
"Mr. Thompson told me to ask you for help in economics; I'm not really getting the hang of it."
His mouth twitched, and you weren't sure if it meant that he almost smiled or that he was extremely uncomfortable with the idea of tutoring. "You don't have to, of course. But since we sit together in class already…" He kept quiet, staring.
"Okay, I take that as a no. I'll ask someone else then. Thank you anyway," you smiled sweetly at him as you made a move to turn back, but his hand stopped you by grabbing your wrist and turning you around gently. "Sorry—yes. Yes, I'll tutor you." The blush on his cheeks had gone away a little, and the few freckles on his face stood out as you beamed at him with a grin. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
He took your excitement as a huge step in his 'try to get closer to Y/N' plan that, well, wasn't really his plan; it was his roommate's. "When's the best for you?" he asked. You shrugged and fixed the strap of the bag that had slipped off of your shoulder. "I'm free most of the time, so whenever works for you is great."
He took a moment before nodding and checking his phone and looking back up to you. "Well, Chad isn't in our dorm; if you want to come by now, I could explain today's lesson, and we can get to the rest once I sort out my notes," Ethan offered, surprised at himself for inviting a girl to be alone with him in his own dorm room.
You found his nervousness endearing. On the way to the dorms, he'd kept glancing down at you as if he were making sure you were still there, and his hands were a little shaky as he tried to get his keys from his jean pockets. "It's a bit messy, I'm sorry," he looked embarrassed and he moved a few sweaters from his desk chair to the mattress. "You can sit here; do you want something to drink?" The boy pointed at the small fridge that sat across the room, and you shook your head before sitting where he'd just signaled.
Eventually, Chad came back into the dorm, and after a few teasing looks from him to Ethan, you took that as your cue to leave. "Thanks for explaining it to me, Ethan," you made a move to stand up, and he mirrored you, standing at the same time. "You're leaving?"
"Well… I assumed we were done," you pointed at his now closed notebook, and he nodded twice before meeting your eyes. "Yes. Yeah—that's everything that was explained today." He had gone back to the nervous, shaky self he had been at the start of the afternoon, and you couldn't help but wonder why his demeanor had changed so quickly. He'd eased up during the tutoring, and he seemed far more comfortable by then.
"Do you need me to walk you? It's kind of late," he suggested, and even though you'd wished for nothing else but to spend more time with him, you shook your head with a smile. "I'll be okay; thanks for today, though. I owe you." Ethan seemed to shy away as he offered a smile and reached his hand up as if he were to wave but stopped. "I'll let you know when I have my notes sorted so we can do this again."
He widened his eyes a bit at his own words and quickly covered, "-if you want." Looking up at him sweetly, you nodded and made your way out of the dorm room with a grin plastered on your face. Who knew he could be so adorable?
Weeks went by, and Ethan had gotten more and more comfortable around you. He'd look for you in hallways and even came up to you when you were with your friends or he was with his. His roommate, Chad, had stopped not being around during your tutoring lessons so you couldn't really get there yet. Chad was nice, but his presence kept stopping you from attempting to make a move, and it seemed like it was stopping Ethan as well.
After what seemed like years,
Chad was busy, and you were finally left alone with Ethan. Even if it was for tutoring, he seemed nervous when he opened the door at your text, his face flushed a bright shade of red and a beaming look on his face. There were at least three shirts of Ethan's laying on Chad's bed as if he'd changed a few times before deciding on the shirt he was wearing at that moment. "Hey."
"Hi, sorry if this was too sudden. Chad just left, and I didn't know if you'd feel comfortable with it being just us two," he cleared his throat as you rolled your eyes at his obvious overthinking and walked yourself in to sit on his bed, legs crossed one over the other. "Well, I like it being just you and me." Ethan could feel his ears burn at your comment, and he tried to look put together as he sat in front of you, his notebook on his lap.
"Are you going to the Halloween party this weekend?" you asked before he could get started with economics. "Uh… I think so, yeah." You smiled, and he suddenly felt way more at ease knowing that you wanted him to go. "What will you be dressed as?"
"I don't know yet. Chad said something about wanting to be a cowboy, but I hate most costumes I've seen in shops," he shrugged, biting his lip anxiously as he pretended to read his handwriting to hide his nerves. "I was thinking of going as Anakin," you chirped.
His eyes shot up to look at you, and he raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Skywalker?" You made a face. "Duh! He's so cool, and it's so easy to find costumes of him since no one else is going to wear them because—let's be honest—they're scared of looking geeky. But that's the fun of Halloween." Ethan felt like all those negative thoughts had left his head the moment you mentioned what seemed to be your nerdy secret. "Chad said I should do a knight but suggested I craft it since it's last minute."
"Oh my god!" you exclaimed, reaching to hold onto his hands as he gripped the notebook. "I could help you; you'd look so cute as a knight." He was going to throw up, surely; his stomach felt like it had flipped over at the thought of you wanting to spend time with him outside of tutoring, and even though you'd gotten a lot closer, he didn't feel like you guys had gotten to the hanging out point.
"Would you?" he asked, his eyes lit up. "Of course! Put that away; we'll start right now!" Just as you finished your sentence, Ethan stood excited and reached into his closet to pull out a big piece of cardboard. "I suck at this; I sure hope you have some hidden artsy talent."
You proudly held up the pencil and let your silence answer his own question as he read instructions he'd found on the internet for you to follow. If he was asked, he'd say he helped, but truly all he did was 'sit back and look pretty' as you'd told him to do while you did the work after he accidentally messed up painting the helmet and freaked out.
Once finished, you begged for him to try it on. "Come on! Just to see if it fits." He hid his face in his hands, groaning. "Oh my god, Y/N. This is embarrassing." He let you fit the boxy costume around him, and you put the cardboard helmet on his head before knocking on it with a proud look on your face. "See? Talent."
"Can I take it off now?" Ethan felt like his cheeks were going to explode as you stared at him with a grin, and he struggled to pull off the costume. "Will you go with Chad? Or do you want me to come get you?" He looked at you like he'd just seen a ghost. "Get me?"
"Like—pick you up." He mouthed an 'oh' and shrugged. "I think Chad will want to go together." He moved the notebook to his desk and stared at it for a few seconds, as if thinking when to actually tutor you.
"Great. I'll see you there, then." Before he could answer, you reached up on your tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek and softly smack it before turning back and, with a quiet 'bye,' closing the door behind you, leaving Ethan dumbfounded and with a tingly feeling on his chest.
"Couldn't you add Velcro on this or something?" Chad complained for the fifth time as he attempted to help Ethan put on the costume. "I didn't think putting it on by myself would be so hard," he admitted, and Chad smirked.
"Who put it on you when you tried it on?"
"No one, just—help me." Chad pretended to believe that Ethan had managed to make the costume himself, and once they'd finally put it on, they made their way to the party.
Ethan wasn't a party guy, so standing by the door the whole time was his plan for the night, but his roommate refused to let him bore himself to death. As Ethan mimicked Chad's dancing in an attempt to 'just feel the music,' as he'd quoted, you and your friend walked in, bumping into him. "Sorry."
At his apology, you smiled softly and reached to fix his helmet. "Mighty knight," you greeted, moving the cape to the side to show him the plastic lightsaber you'd stolen from one of your friends. "Anakin," he mirrored.
"I'm leaving or I'll vomit," Chad fake gagged while he walked away, waving the two of you off as your friend took her cue to also go. "Did you just get here?" you asked, and the boy shook his head. "Like half an hour ago." He looked horrified at the scenery of the party, hearing a fight break out in the kitchen between two guys who wanted the same drink. "Wanna go on a walk or something?"
You took him leaving his water-filled cup on one of the tables as a yes, so when he came back to where you stood, you didn't hesitate to hold his hand and pull him through the door. "Parties aren't my thing," he said. "What is your thing?"
"Sleeping?"
"Fair enough, mine's napping."
"What? So… sleeping?" he stopped his tracks once he saw a bench near the house party, he watched you sit down and looked down at his chest in confusion. "No way! Naps are so much better than a night's sleep." He tilted his head in amusement as you rambled. "Or… you could just wait until it's bedtime."
"You just haven't tried to nap. It's the best thing ever. You're missing out, Ethan. You know I hate my friends missing out on fun stuff," he rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't call napping fun."
"Well—maybe sleeping isn't your thing."
"Maybe it isn't."
You both fell quiet, and Ethan counted to five before trying to get the chest piece off, but he failed. "How'd you even manage to get this on me?" he asked, lifting his arms a bit so you could help him. "Ethan, there's some Velcro here," you pointed to the side of his torso,
and he suddenly felt a little dumb, which he was sure was a feeling he would share with Chad, who could also not find the Velcro. "Oh."
You laughed, feeling him stare down at you as you helped him anyway. Finally being able to sit down, he reached for your forearm and softly tugged you to sit next to him. "I love it, besides how uncomfortable it is to sit with." He'd kept the helmet on, and you reached to take it off and fix his hair, which had gotten messier because of the costume. "Beauty is pain," you sighed, dramatically ruffling his hair in an attempt to fix it back to how it usually was.
"You don't seem to be in pain," he said, quickly covering his eyes. "Fuck—that was so bad; pretend I never said that—oh god." You broke into a fit of laughter at his shitty line and the immediate regret. "I'm sorry," he mumbled more to himself than to you as he rested his elbows on his knees and his hands in his hair. "It was sweet," you held back a laugh.
"Don't lie."
"Okay. That was horrible, Ethan. Is that how you pick up girls?" he could sense your smile through your voice, and he exaggerated a sigh as he sat back, arm spread on the bench's backrest, near your shoulders. "No, I usually let them craft me a Halloween costume."
"Eh, look at you! Are you drunk? You're flirty tonight."
"I did a shot with Chad but spit it out immediately. Does that count?" he made a face at the reminder of the taste, and you couldn't help but admire the way his face scrunched up so incredibly adorable. "Sure, it does."
"If you'd told me you wanted to go as Anakin earlier, I would've gone for Obi Wan," he admitted, reaching to play with the hem of your cloak. "Maybe next time," you shrug. "You'd repeat a costume?" he fake gasped, moving his hand up to his chest; you mirrored him. "If we're going to dress up together, I will." Ethan put his hand out for you to shake, and you happily took it. Neither of you wanted to let go, so you let the linked hands fall onto your lap.
"To be fair, the lightsaber isn't even mine, and I think I broke it," he broke out a laugh and covered his mouth at your glare. "It fell."
"Sure, sure," he waved you off with his free hand, and you wondered if he was thinking about your held hands as much as you were. "Ethan," you said, tightening your hold. "Yes?"
How does one tell a guy they want to kiss him?
Taking a slow breath in, you asked, "We've known each other for a while, haven't we?" Ethan looked taken aback by your question, thinking for a few seconds. "Uh… yes."
"Are you ever going to kiss me?"
Ethan was so grateful for the dimmed street lights because if you were to see the shade of his face and neck at that moment, you'd think he was having a stroke. "Yeah, yes. Yes, I will," he managed out.
You hummed, moving in closer to him, practically leaning in. He took a few seconds to process this, but once he let himself take over, he leaned closer and closer until he could clasp his hand on your cheek, pulling you in to kiss you. Your hands moved up to his chest, feeling his heart speed as fast as yours, and one of your hands tangled in his previously messy hair while he took ahold of the back of your neck.
Pulling back for air, Ethan panted out a smile so close to your mouth that you could feel it form on your own lips. "Maybe kissing is your thing."
He hummed, leaning in to press a short kiss onto your lips again. "Maybe."
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reidreaders · 6 months
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Spencer Reid, Celebrity Crush
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Summary: Every now and then, you see this FBI agent on TV and you have been crushing on him for years. What happens when you finally meet him in real life?
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 1.5k
Warnings: use of y/n, they are both really awkward lol, it's like soon to be idiots in love yk, not proof read, idk what else lmk if I missed anything.
A/N: this idea has been rotting in my brain for so long and I finally decided to write it lol. I had sooo much fun writing this so lmk if you a part 2!!! Enjoy!!!!
MASTERLIST
Your favorite time of night was when you and your roommate would gather around the TV to watch the five o’clock news. This might not seem like totally normal behavior for two women in their twenties, but you guys didn’t tune in to keep up with what was going on in the world. Rather, you tuned in every night to hopefully catch a glimpse of the man of your dreams. It’s fair to say that most people have a celebrity crush, although normal people are usually infatuated by famous singers, movie stars, and the like. Not you however, the man that you pined for was a local FBI agent. Your roommate would even go as far as to say that he doesn’t count as a ‘celebrity crush’ because he’s not even famous, but he was to you. 
You grew up not far from Quantico, meaning that the nightly news was always full of stories about the town’s own personal superheroes, the FBI. You had never been particularly interested in anything having to do with them, until you started hearing about the Behavioral Analysis Unit. You had seen a clip of one of the agents tricking a bystander into proving he was lying on TV, and you instantly fell in love. So, when you sat down to watch the news, you were more than excited to hopefully see him. 
You had gotten lucky tonight. The news ran stories about the BAU almost nightly, but it was rare you got to see anyone other than the blonde woman they called Agent Jareau. But tonight was different. You practically screamed when you saw him come on screen, not even paying attention to whatever psychopath he was talking about. Instead, you focused on how his lips moved when he spoke, and the way the breeze outside the police station lifted his hair just ever so slightly. Needless to say, you were practically swooning. You were captivated by his big brown puppy eyes, his mop of messy brown hair, and the way he seemed so passionate about whatever he was talking about. It may have been the delusion talking, but you were pretty sure that if you ever met him, he would fall in love with you too. 
A few weeks later, you were rushing to get to work on time. Your alarm hadn’t gone off when it was supposed to, leaving you frantic. Normally, you woke up early, giving yourself time to make breakfast and enjoy a cup of coffee. But today the fates had decided that you would have to settle for a cup of coffee and a croissant to go from the coffee shop down the street from your office. 
You placed your order and began to fumble through your purse looking for your wallet. 
“Sorry,” you mumbled to the cashier, who seemed to be growing impatient, “It must be in here somewhere.” 
After looking for a few more minutes, and creating a giant line of annoyed customers behind you, you had come to the conclusion that in your rush to get out the door this morning, you had forgotten your wallet. Just as you were about to give up and leave the coffee shop, hungry and tired, a familiar voice piped up from behind you.
“Here,” he said, handing the cashier his card, “I’ve got it.” 
“Oh my gosh thank you so much!” You said, not yet looking up from your bag.
“It’s no problem really,” He extended his hand to you, “I’m Spencer.”
Oh. 
You quickly realized where you had recognized that voice from. He was Spencer. As in Spencer Reid, the FBI agent you were so hopelessly in love with. This was your chance. You had to play it cool. You couldn’t have him realizing that you were some freak who was obsessed with him, you wanted to land a date. 
“H-hi!” You stuttered, a little more excitedly than you were hoping to, “I-I’m Y/N.” You reached out to shake his hand, your own becoming a little clammy at the sight of him. 
He was tall. Much taller than he seemed to be on TV. You looked up into those big brown eyes you had gazed into through the screen and thought you were going to throw up because of how nervous you were. 
“Um-” You cleared your throat, “Do you-uh-do you work around here?” You said in an attempt to seem calm, cool and collected. 
“Uh yeah I do. I work for the FBI, so it’s just up the road.” He said, seemingly chuckling at your behavior a little bit. 
“Oh! That’s cool! I work just up the road too! Although it’s nothing as exciting as what the FBI must be like I mean-” You were cut off by the barista calling your name, saving you from your incessant rambling. 
You collected your coffee and turned to head towards the door, stopping to thank Spencer once again. Just as you were about to leave, you got a wave of courage. There was no way you were going to completely blow this opportunity. I mean, you have had a crush on this guy for forever and there was no way you were going to walk out of here without at least trying to ask him out. 
“Hey,” You said much more calmly, “I know we literally just met, and I have been babbling like a freak at you, but I was wondering if you might want to have dinner with me sometime?” You asked, your voice getting higher as you spoke.
“Oh-um,” He sputtered back, clearly taken aback by your proposition, “Um… yeah?” He said it like a question.
“I mean, if you’re not into it that’s totally okay,” you feigned a chuckle, trying not to seem as embarrassed as you actually were, “I just thought it might be nice to uh-um pay you back for the coffee!” You spoke through the world’s fakest smile.
“No!” He practically shouted at you, “I’m into it! I am definitely into it.” 
Before you could catch yourself, you were giving him the biggest smile you think you’ve ever managed. 
“Great!” You weren’t even trying to hide your excitement anymore, “Here, I’ll give you my number and we can try to set something up!” You said as you wrote your number down on one of the coffee shop’s napkins. 
“Y-yeah! That sounds great. I’ll-uh I-I’ll call you!” He stuttered, it was becoming clear that you weren’t the only one who was nervous. 
The two of you made your way out of the coffee shop, taking turns stuttering and rambling at the other. You were starting to feel less self conscious about your earlier performance because it seemed as though he had a tendency to be awkward and ramble as well. 
“Well, I should probably get to work.” You sighed, not wanting the encounter to end.
“Yeah me too.” He chuckled. 
The two of you just stood there for a moment, staring at each other, trying to figure out what to do next. You didn’t want to have to make another move, considering you were the one to ask him out. However, it was becoming apparent that he was too shy to do anything, so you moved closer to him. He made no effort to put any more distance between the two of you, so you took that as your go ahead. You leaned in and threw your arms around his neck, giving him a semi-awkward hug goodbye. He wrapped his arms around you and you realized that you could smell him. All those years of looking at him on TV and yet you never wondered what he might smell like. You were pleasantly surprised. Not that you thought he would smell bad, just that you were used to men who thought that Axe body spray was the same thing as a shower. But Spencer didn’t smell like that, he smelled like old books and good cologne. Like, real, expensive, good cologne. 
You realized that you were lingering in the hug for a little longer than what would probably be considered normal, so you pulled away. 
“Well, uh, I’ve got to get going,” He blushed and looked at his feet, “But I’ll definitely call you.” He said holding up the napkin with your number on it. 
“You better!” You joked, now blushing as well. 
With that, he turned and went on his way to work. You stood there for a moment longer, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. You reached into your bag and pulled out your cell phone, dialing your roommate’s number. It rang twice before she picked up. 
“Y/R/N, you are never going to believe what just happened!” You squealed into the phone, ready and willing to relay the story to your best friend. 
You hung up as soon as you got to the office, and spent the rest of the day unable to focus on work, your brain preoccupied just praying that he would actually call you.
I'm literally obsessed w this lol lmk if you want a part 2 or anything else bc my requests are open!!
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strwbrryeyes · 4 months
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𖦹°。⋆ matsukawa as a best friend
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⟡ cw: fluff, friends to lovers, him and makki being weird, slight angst at end, lmk if i missed anything
⟡ a/n: ok im locked in now i swear im back to posting regularly. anyway, idk how to feel about this one </3 sorry if it sucks
⟡ best friend series: hanamaki, iwaizumi, oikawa, || masterlist
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best friend matsukawa who you've known since you were 10 after you pushed him off the swings when you were at the park.
best friend matsukawa who then pushed you off as payback.
best friend matsukawa who you got closer to when your moms both saw this happening and made you apologize to each other.
best friend matsukawa who along with you, totally forgot aout the incident and just played for the rest of the afternoon together.
best friend matsukawa who you now saw every weekend up until middle school when you guys were able to go to the same school, now you saw each other everyday.
best friend matsukawa who left you for makki your third year of middle school </3 jk you guys welcomed him into your little circle and became menaces together.
best friend matsukawa who made fun of you for drooling over oikawa when you met him (you were a fangirl for a solid week before something inevitably gave you the ick).
best friend matsukawa who always stole your juice boxes during lunch saying that you were too old for them (he just wanted it for himself).
best friend matsukawa who had you officiate his and makki's "wedding" in the middle of practice just to annoy iwaizumi and the coach.
best friend matsukawa who in your second year of high school got more chill because he and makki had to 'act like men to get girls'. you thought they were full of shit.
best friend matsukawa who realized his feelings for you when he got into his first relationship because he would constantly talk about you which caused his partner to break up with him.
best friend matsukawa who ignored it for now and blamed his failed relationships on him being too cool for the other people (makki knew but never said anything).
best friend matsukawa who in your third year of high school insisted you, him, and makki were the bestest of friends to the yearbook committee because he wanted the superlative.
best friend matsukawa who when he found out you three got the superlative, submitted the most embarrassing group picture where you were mid sneeze, makki was in the middle of a sentence, and of course, where mattsu looked perfect. you both chased after him.
best friend matsukawa who you went to college with after he begged you to go to the same one as him because 'who else would ruffle his hair every morning to get the perfect bedhead look'?
best friend matsukawa who spent a lot of time in your dorm since you didn't have a roommate and because his roommate was lame and boring.
best friend matsukawa who didn't let you out of his sight at any parties you went to because even though he knew you were capable of taking care of yourself, he still didn't trust other people.
best friend matsukawa who you got mad at because he was being too overprotective so you ditched him and went back to your dorm.
best friend matsukawa who showed up at your door the next morning with a bouquet of flowers and your favorite kind of juice and handed you a letter before walking away.
best friend matsukawa who wrote out all his feelings in said letter. 'sorry i'm too overbearing, i just don't want you getting hurt or lost or anything. i love you please forgive me.'
best friend matsukawa who you hunted down and found at a park sitting on a bench.
best friend matsukawa who wasn't phased when you said his apology was lamefwhen you finally stood in front of him but was shocked when you immediately kissed him after.
best friend matsukawa who asked what you were now which caused you to make fun of him because that was such a middle school question. but you told him that you wanted him to be your boyfriend and he happily agreed.
best friend matsukawa who is now boyfriend mattsun who called makki after you two became official and said that he'd "send the divorce papers" by mail to him.
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doobea · 9 months
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scenario that is rotting my brain (just sharing ! don’t feel pressured to write about this):
cat rin and sae (add anyone else you wish!!)) 😃😃 au them having cat ears and tail and reader’s their ‘owner’ ((nsfw or sfw))
for more context,, they hide their cat characteristics in public but when they come home to reader they let loose and reveal their ‘true form’ 🤭🤭 reader could just be a childhood friend who found out about them or someone who ‘picked them up’ and taken care of them and have since lived tgt
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synopsis: headcanons of cat!sae + cat!rin (sfw + nsfw) bye what if you found them in a trashcan or a cardboard box out in the rain LMAO
content: bro idk they're grumpy cat boys, fem!reader, explicit under sfw, mdni a/n: anon u have a crazy imagination and im living here for it (i got carried away and now this is so long whoops im sorry)
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how you found them
Living day to day as a working college student gets boring fast. You're not the type to have roommates because of your packed schedule of studying, school, part-time job, and more studying right after. With, of course, a couple of "girl meals" sprinkled in throughout the minimal free hours you have. You live in a small studio apartment right off of the main campus and, after your halfway point through the academic year, you started to realize that it's incredibly lonely.
You were heading back late from the library one night in the pouring rain when you heard a series of muffled meows right underneath a parked car outside your apartment. It didn't take much coaxing to convince the pair of scrawny cats to crawl into your bag as you rushed inside from the torrential rainfall. Ok, cool, maybe this was a sign from the above to make you feel less isolated and depressed?
Wrong! They were super cute the first night, snuggled up against each other to keep one another warm but the next morning was an absolute disaster. They hated each other. Cue tons of running around, hissing, biting, and scratching (maybe a few of your potted plants died in the process - rip). You had no idea why they were together in the first place.
It took a solid two weeks before they finally settled down at your place. And it took another two weeks for you to realize that maybe they're not really just cats. With just two quick kisses on their noses, before you went to sleep one night, led to you waking up in bed with two gorgeous men wrapped around your limbs. But wait, they still kept some of their cat characteristics - ears and tails!
cat!sae (sfw)
Sae reverts back into his feline form whenever he feels the urge to explore and have alone time. His favorite spots to lounge around in your apartment consists of the sofa armrests, the top area of the kitchen cabinets that are impossible to reach (he's always so dusty when he jumps off smh), and your clothes.
He's definitely the type to push items off the countertop/table to get your attention. Specifically goes after the ones with food or liquid in them if he's feeling extra needy.
Likes it when you scratch behind his ears and rub his chin - but don't do it for too long! Any wrong angle will cause him to ignore you for the rest of the day (so picky...). He loves/hates it when you pick him up - everything has to be on his schedule!
When you're getting ready to sleep, he claims the space at the end of the bed, almost as if he's guarding you. Probably sleeps curled up in a ball and snores (just a tiny bit).
His humanoid form carried over his cat traits - he wears a hat to hide his folded cat ears and an oversized hoodie in order to shove his tail up his back.
Will straight up ask you to scratch and rub his ears again, not really understanding the difference in circumstances. His favorite position is laying his head on your lap when you're on either the bed or sofa.
Sae loves to tease you physically whenever he has the chance but he's always so expressionless about it. You're cooking in the kitchen? He'll walk by you and let his tail slightly graze against your back. Grabbing something? Suddenly he needs to grab something too and stands behind you to reach for whatever random object his attention shifts to, making sure that his chest leans against your body.
In public, he purposely wears his hat loose so that you have to fix it for him. He thinks it's funny and adorable seeing you panic but it's also just an excuse for him to have you touch him.
cat!rin (sfw)
Whenever Rin is having a bad day he turns back into a cat and hides under your bed or dresser, only coming out when it's time for dinner or when you're about to go to sleep. His favorite spots, when he's not in a mood, are: behind the shower curtains, inside your kitchen cabinets, and underneath the blankets of your bed (he likes dark areas to be emo I guess).
Unlike Sae who pushes things off the surface for your attention, Rin will just come up to you and sit next to you when you're doing tasks. For example, if you're studying for an exam, he'll jump to an empty spot on the table and keep you company until you're done.
Scratch his back and give him head pats! He’ll forever be in your favor and he’ll vocalize it too. He's extremely easy to please when it comes to physical affection but it took you a long time to gain his trust completely.
His favorite place to sleep is next to your head! Definitely the type to sprawl his body across your pillow, purr super loudly, and most likely the type to drool too (hopefully you don't mind!). Bonus: he's always the one to wake you first by making "biscuits" on your stomach.
When he's in his humanoid form, Rin doesn't really go outside that much. If he has to, he's covered from head to toe in a black baseball cap, sunglasses, a face mask, a black jacket, and long trousers.
He stares at you a lot in his cat form, that habit doesn't stop when he's in his humanoid form either. You don't find it weird at all - it's oddly calming and kinda cute that he's always looking after you. Bonus: it took him a while to realize that bringing you dead birds and rats (in both cat/humanoid forms) wasn’t romantic at all.
During a particularly windy day, his hat blew away and a kid saw his ears, you're bad at lying so you tried convincing the kid that Rin was just a very exclusive toy you found online.
He's only physically affectionate with you in his cat form but, outside of that, he shows his affection very awkwardly through small shirt tugs and just tailing you around the apartment.
nsfw feat. both brothers (bye why do i feel embarrassed while writing this)
Everything is a competition to them. Ever since you took them in, they thought about a lot of ways to make it up to you, whether it be helping you with chores around the house or attempting to cook you meals (because let's be real they are unemployed!). It was Sae's brilliant idea to compensate you in the other department.
It starts off almost too innocently. After about three months of living together, your noisy neighbors started asking you about the mysterious men living at your apartment and to which both brothers replied that they were your boyfriends (shocker I know). You assumed that they were just weirdly possessive since you were kinda their only caretaker and still had no idea where they came from.
You made sure that they had enough space to sleep on your sleeper sofa when they decided to stay in their humanoid forms but that night they both decided to crash in your bed (they both couldn't sleep because of "discomfort").
You were quick to pick up on their physical wants and needs. Sae comes off as almost a selfish lover while Rin is rather selfless. Sae likes to focus his attention on your physical traits while Rin makes sure that you're doing mentally and emotionally okay during intimacy.
Both like having their ears pulled, Sae more than Rin, but Rin loves it when you tug on his tail and give him praises (specifically only him). Of course, both also love leaving love bites all over your body and it's an endless amount of licking for down there.
Nights like that usually end up with Sae spooning you and Rin resting peacefully on your chest. The next morning starts off with a breakfast competition of who can cook you the best omelet (spoiler alert it's neither of them).
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minustwofingers · 1 year
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exoplanet p.1
masterlist
ellie williams x fem! reader (ur kind of a girly girl in this one sorry)
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summary: you’re one of the luckiest people in the world as one of the few families that managed to gain entrance to the most exclusive safezone on earth. after living 19 years of your life in a soft and forgiving world, a lab accident sends you across the country to jackson, wyoming, entirely unprepared and unaware of what awaits you in the real world. its a good thing u run into a hot lesbian wink wink nudge nudge
a/n: now listen now hear me out i know this plot sounds kooky asf and im sorry i literally thought this shit up in a covid fever dream. but anyway i basically blacked out at the keyboard and have about 6k words to show for this weekend and no completed hw. i can’t believe im writing. this im so sorry
warnings: ellie is mean asf at first, reader is clueless and cannot do a pushup, you’re also a little bit of a snob and have a fixation on etiquette.  i promise it gets better just bear w me lMAO. she/her pronouns for the reader, v vanilla violence and explicit language. kinda enemies to lovers vibe
im so sorry u guys idk what got into me this is the goofiest au i’ve ever written ok but i just want ellie to get to learn abt the stars and shit after all she’s been thru she deserves it ok enjoy part 2 coming whenever i finish it.
wc: 6k
It wasn’t that you didn’t know that something bad had happened to the rest of the world. You did. Of course you did. You’d have to be a special kind of stupid to not realize that there was maybe something else going on when no one was allowed outside of the walls and anyone who returned told hushed stories of decimated buildings and piles of corpses.
It was just difficult to grasp the idea of the world you knew no longer existing outside the bounds of the city. To anyone before the pandemic, you’re sure that you lead what seemed like a normal life for any privileged kid.
You had two parents, both of whom loved you very much. You went to an elementary school, then a middle school, and then eventually high school and university. You went shopping with your friends. You watched movies and ate shitty junk food and had first kisses and went on ice cream dates. You studied what captivated your interest the most—space—and threw your soul into learning about the physics of the universe.
You laid on your dorm bed, playing with the edges of your pink comforter as you gossiped with your roommate, Irena, about the professor that she thought was hot and the boy who tried to harass you for your number after you’d finished up getting lunch.
You lived a normal life, which is pretty ironic, because the only reason you got to say that was because you were born to not-normal people who had been at the right place at the right time when the world fell apart.
You see, when everyone got sick, some areas got hit harder than others. And your parents, who were vacationing in some swanky exclusive Canadian resort that only the elite knew about, happened to hit the jackpot.
Not only was their vacation spot the one area in North America with a significant metropolitan population that managed to get enough time to adequately prepare, they happened to be traveling with some big-wig execs that knew a guy who knew a guy who was in the process of evacuating and putting the final touches on a safe zone, Terranova, intended for only the highest rungs of North American society.
So, there you were. Some 25 years or so after the world as your ancestors knew it fell to shit—and you were sipping cappuccinos and getting facials without a care in the world. All because of a lucky vacation.
And, for the record, it’s not that you were ungrateful. You knew that you were lucky to be living in the last place on earth with a semblance of normalcy. What you didn’t know, however, was just how lucky you were, and you didn’t find this out until you made that one stupid mistake in Gunther’s lab.
~
“Morning, Y/N!” called out Professor Gunther, a short, squatty man with a receding hairline so impressive that his forehead now ended halfway up his scalp.
“Morning, Professor,” you said, setting your bag down on the desk, winding your long scarf from around your neck and running a hand through your hair to get the tangles out. The wind outside had been especially fierce for February, which was not ideal given that you'd forgotten your hat at home.
“Guess what I’ve got?” Gunther was smiling, his teeth perfect white squares.
You gasped. “No. It’s already here?”
He said nothing; instead, he pushed forward a slightly battered box with dents and various smudges and marks that were telltale indicators for outside shipments.
“No way,” you said, pulling it into your hands. For a moment you debated using your nails to open the seam, but you’d just gotten them done, so you reached for a pair of scissors on the table.
“This is even more than we need,” you told Gunther, reaching in to pull out a spool of wire that shimmered under the lab lights. “Can I just hook it up now? Or is there something else I should do?”
There was, in fact, something that you should’ve done before going with your pliers and wire. Something about your model wasn’t quite right, but you’d figure that out a little too late.
You see, you and old Professor Gunther were attempting to build a prototype that would enable travel at the speed of light. It did sound insane—and you should’ve known that it was a pipe dream—but you were a space nerd with nearly limitless funding and support from one of the most famous surviving professors in the world. It had been Gunther’s pet project, one that you joined as a research assistant in your first year at the university. Once you’d caught wind of it, you couldn’t stay away, and you two quickly began to form a connection only understood by lonely and isolated academics.
“Go for it,” said Gunther, waving his hand dismissively.
Excitedly, you approached the table, your hands almost shaking as you held the wire. It was a fairly new invention, first used in the creation of Terranova and its walls to effectively make it invisible to the outside world. It boasted a variety of properties that made it academically fascinating and functionally useful. Gunther had had a suspicion that it would be useful in stabilizing the process of disseminating atoms to make light speed travel possible, so you’d placed the order for a couple of spools.
“And I think that’s it,” you said, using your pliers to shape the blunt edge that you had just clipped and plugging it into the circuit board. A purple sheen seemed to vibrate around the bundle of wires and boxes.
Gunther leaned over your shoulder, peering at everything through the spectacles perched on his pudgy nose. “Well done, dear. Say, before we turn this thing on and start running some preliminary tests, would you mind grabbing us some tea from the caf? My treat.”
“Of course,” you said, standing up and brushing your hands off. “Lapsang?”
He nodded. “And anything you’d like.”
You pulled my scarf back on, pulling it snugly around your neck and snatching your bag from the table. The walk to the cafeteria was short, but it was cold enough to require suiting up again. You ordered, paid with Gunther’s card, and sat quietly as you watched the snow fall outside.
It was a beautiful morning. The wind had died down, leaving the snow to fall from the gray skies in fat, puffy flakes. The city outside was quiet, with only the gentle hum of the occasional car to break the silence.
“Y/N! A Lapsang Souchong and a Jasmine Green?”
You leapt up and grabbed the two disposable cups, smiling widely at the barista. “Hey, would you mind throwing a bag of coffee in too?”
“Anything specific?” he asked.
“I don’t know anything about coffee,” you admitted. “Anything that isn’t decaf. It’s for my roommate.”
He nodded and rang you up for the coffee, and you were back on your way.
“My dear!” boomed Gunther when you came back, throwing the lab door open and nearly floating off the ground in excitement.
“Lapsang with a spot of honey, as always,” you said, passing the cup into his hands. The bite from the heat slowly faded from your palm—the barista had forgotten to put a sleeve on his cup.
“Lovely,” he said, setting it down next to you. “I’m just going to go ahead and flip the switch…keep your wits about you! Haha.”
“Ha,” you said, though suddenly you were getting more nervous. The longer you looked at the wires, the less sense they made. And was that two uncovered wires touching? ”Hey, wait, actually—”
Click.
A hum filled the room as the power flicked on. The bright white overhead lights flickered once, twice, and then went out. Something that smelled suspiciously like smoke filled the room.
“Fuck!” Gunther fumbled for the switch. You, similarly, lunged forward to see if you could manually disconnect the wires from the input. “It’s short circ—”
As soon as you made contact with the input wire, you heard the sound of a cup tipping over seconds before the splashing of hot tea.
Then everything went black.
~
When you awoke, it was because you were shaking so hard that your teeth were clicking painfully together.
Slowly, you pulled open my eyelids to see a brilliantly blue sky without a cloud in sight, wide and unimpeded by any skyscrapers. This was definitely not Gunther’s lab.
You groaned as feeling began to return to your body, along with a thudding headache and soreness in every joint. Gently, you pressed your weight into your fingers and slowly sat yourself up, making observations as you went.
You were not dead. Your heart was still beating and your nerves still functioned as usual. You had no idea how long you'd been lying on the ground, but it had to have been at least an hour given that the sun was almost in the middle of the sky.
Another observation: you were nowhere near Terranova.
Instead, you were in the clearing of a forest, surrounded by trees with unfamiliar trunk patterns and leaves. A thick bed of white snow coated everything in sight except for you.
You were well and truly fucked. There was nowhere even remotely nearby the city that you knew was in a fully forested area.
Though at least now you held the title of the first person alive to travel at light speed. It was a small comfort, but it was something to cling to.
A shriek sounded behind you, and you spun around, still seated on the ground. The forest line was clear, but you could hear rustling. For a moment you considered that it could be an animal, but it didn’t sound like any woodland creature. It sounded unmistakably human.
“Hello?” you called out.
The shriek came again, accompanied by more crunching—both much closer this time.
“Are you alright?” you asked, hoping your voice would carry to whoever it was. “Are you hurt?”
A mangled man suddenly came into sight as he fell into the clearing from a lopsided sprint, barreling right towards you. One of his knees was bent outwards as he went, so badly it looked broken, but it wasn’t enough to slow him down as he ran towards you.
You screamed, a real and proper one that pierced the frigid air. There was no time for to run as the man closed the gap and rammed into you, his filthy hands gripping your arms through your heavy jacket as his snapping teeth and rancid breath lunged for your neck.
Bang!
A single shot rang out. The man fell limp, slumping on top of you as you frantically snapped into motion and scrambled out from under him.
“Who the fuck are you?”
You whipped back around to see a girl standing at the other side of the clearing, a revolver in her hand and an incredibly cross expression etched into her features. She must’ve been around your age, and she had short auburn hair that barely brushed her shoulders and was being tossed about by the wind. There was a spattering of freckles across her face, muted against the backdrop of her cheeks reddened from exertion.
“Hi,” you said, your voice small and pathetic. You couldn’t stop shaking. “I’m Y/N.”
The girl just stared at you for a few more beats before turning back. “Jesse! Dina! Some help?”
You pulled your knees into your chest as you waited for whatever was to come. Now that the man was off of you, you could see that there was blood trickling from his gaping maw. Something that looked almost like shards had sprouted, like little spring buds, in little areas around his face. Even his normal, unshard-ed skin was a pallor that looked like death. Something wasn’t right here.
“Okay,” said the girl, gruffer this time. “Listen, I don’t know who the fuck you think you are just waltzing in like this, but this isn’t open to the public, alright? You’re trespassing.”
“Sorry,” you said, shrinking further into yourself as you thumbed the edges of your scarf. “I didn’t know.”
“Get the hell out of here,” she said, grabbing your backpack from the ground near her feet and throwing it at you.
Two other people emerged from the trees, another girl and one guy. They all seemed roughly the same age—early 20s, maybe—and were all carrying various weapons ranging from guns to knives.
To say you were on edge would be the understatement of the century.
They spoke in hushed tones as they approached the first girl.
“I don’t understand,” the other girl said, long black locks escaping from her ponytail. “We literally just patrolled this area. There’s no way to get here without either going through the town or going over the pass, and no one’s done that.”
“And you’re sure you didn’t see her then?” The boy looked curiously at you.
“Fucking obviously,” snapped the first girl. “I think we would’ve noticed.” Then, directed at you: “Hey. How’d you even wind up here?”
“Uh….” Your mouth became dry. “Where am I again?”
The girl rolled her eyes. “You’re telling me you don’t even know?”
“Ellie,” warned the other girl. “Maybe she’s been out here for a while. Hypothermia can make you think crazy things.”
“She doesn’t look like she’s been out here for long,” pointed out the first girl, presumably Ellie.
“You’re right outside Jackson,” said the other girl helpfully.
“How close am I to Terranova?”
“The fuck is Terra-whatta?” Ellie frowned at you.
“Where I live,” you said. “I—I’m a student there. I was working on a project and something went wrong and then all of a sudden I woke up here and—what is that thing?” You gestured frantically at the limp body of the man beside you, the shock slowly subsiding as reality set in. “He almost killed me!”
Ellie gaped at you along with her two friends. “What do you mean, what is that thing? Have you never seen a runner before?”
“A runner?” You stared back. “These things are normal enough for you to have a name for them?”
“Oh my god,” said Ellie, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers. “Have you, like, never been outside before?”
“No,” you said, honestly. “I’ve never left the city walls.”
“We have got to take her back with us,” said the other girl.
“Dina.” Ellie scowled. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Dina’s right,” said the guy, finally chiming in. “We can’t just leave her out here. She doesn’t even know what a runner is. She’s gonna be killed like that.”
Ellie considered, gnawing her lip. “Fine. Consider this your lucky day, Y/N. Get up.”
The first thing you did upon reaching your feet was faint once again.
~
“I told you, Joel, we just found her like this! Lying on the ground, with nothing but her bag.”
A man said something that you couldn’t quite catch.
“Yes. I went through it. No weapons, just…weird things. Like this.”
Your eyes snapped open to see Dina rooting around in your backpack, pulling out your laptop. You were laid horizontally on a table in some warmly lit home.
“Hey!” you said. She turned around, along with a tall, buff man at her side. “Be careful with that. That has all my homework on it.”
“See?” Dina whispered. “Do you think she hit her head or something, Joel?”
Joel frowned, picking up your laptop despite your protests. “I haven’t seen one of these in…I can’t even remember how long. And I’ve never seen one this slim before. Where’d you say you got this, er…”
“Y/N,” Dina supplied.
“From my university,” you said. There was a fire that crackled somewhere behind you, and it sounded comforting. “They provide all students with laptops. That’s how we do most of our schoolwork.”
“Let me guess,” said Joel. “You from the North? A place called Terra Something?”
“That’s a real thing?” Ellie came from around the corner, standing with her arms crossed. She’d changed out of her heavy winter coat and was instead wearing a dark gray hoodie with the strings tied into a bow.
“Never been there myself,” he said. “But when I was doing supply runs back in Boston we always heard whispers of a safezone in Canada. For rich assholes who had some even richer survivalist friends. The Fireflies attempted to break in for years, but they could never find it.”
“So, like a QZ?” asked Ellie, looking genuinely curious.
“What’s a QZ?” you asked. No one acknowledged it.
“Not quite,” said Joel. “No FEDRA. With no military presence, I’m sure it was a hell of a lot cushier living there. Wasn’t it, Y/N?”
“I don’t have anything to compare it to,” you said. “But, yeah. I guess it was nice. It was just normal, I guess. Nothing extraordinary.”
“You’re wearing a cashmere scarf,” Joel pointed out. “That’s not what I’d call normal in the apocalypse.”
You blushed, pulling at the fringes of said black scarf. The fabric was thin and soft, impossibly warm against your bare neck. “It didn’t—it doesn’t feel like the apocalypse in Terranova.”
“And how’d you make it all the way out here?”
“I’m a research assistant for a professor attempting to invent travel at the speed of light,” you said. “We just hooked it up to a different wire today. It short-circuited and when my professor and I rushed to shut it off, he spilled his tea on me and the prototype. Next thing I knew, I woke up here.”
Joel blinked. “What now?”
“I know it sounds crazy,” you said, defensively pulling your knees to your chest. “But I’m telling the truth, honestly. Plus, look at me.” You let go of your scarf and held out your hands, letting the glow of the fire catch the immaculate pearl polish on your fingers. “Do I look like someone who’s traveled from Canada to wherever I am now?”
“She’s got a point,” said Dina, nodding thoughtfully. “It really must be nice where you come from to have hands like that. It doesn’t look like you’ve done a day of work in your life. Reckon you could take us back with you?”
Joel sent her a stern look. “What did you parents do to gain access to a place like that? You the daughter of the president or something?”
“No. They just got lucky,” you explained. “They were summering in Canada and happened to befriend the founders of Terranova right before outbreak day.”
“‘Summering’,” repeated Joel. “It’s been a while since I heard someone use a season as a verb. Somehow it’s not been long enough.”
You cringed.
“I’m not gonna lie, it’s a little disappointing to hear that folks like your parents are still living in the lap of luxury, even after the world ended,” said Joel. “A part of me hoped that karma would get ‘em.”
“I didn’t realize how bad it was out here,” you said defensively. “They didn’t even tell me about…what was that that tried to kill me out there? Walkers?”
“Runners,” Ellie supplied. She watched you quietly from her position leaning up against the couch.
“You ran into one?” asked Joel, another wrinkle appearing in his forehead. “Ellie, have you checked her for bites?”
Ellie’s freckled face paled as she swore. “Fuck. No, I forgot. I should’ve done it in the clearing.”
“Well, better now than never. Listen, I gotta meet up with Tommy. You check ‘er. You got a gun ready, just in case?”
“Excuse me?” you scoffed, looking thoroughly scandalized. “What do you mean, just in case?”
“I’ll be outside,” said Dina, following Joel as he left the door.
“How come it’s my job?” Ellie called after them. “No one asked me how I felt about this!”
The door banged shut in reply. She turned back to face you, her lips set into a firm line. “Fine. Take your coat off. Let’s make this quick.”
“I didn’t feel anything bite me,” you said, grabbing your knees tighter to your chest. Ellie was intimidating and scary, and you rather liked how you currently wore an extra layer of protection.
“Yeah, yeah, that’s what they all say.” She walked over to you, grabbing your scarf and unwinding it from your neck. “Shit. Is this what Joel called cashmere?”
“Yeah,” you said, watching as she stared at the fabric pooled in her hands. “It’s nothing special, really. Everyone wears them in Terranova.”
Ellie stared at you. “Can you stop saying Terranova? I swear it’s every third word that comes out of your mouth. I honestly couldn’t give a shit about whatever fantasyland you grew up in while the rest of us dealt with the real world.”
You opened your mouth, then thought better of it and closed it. It was discombobulating to hear a stranger swear so often at you.
Ellie knocked your hands from your knees and stared down at you. “Are you actually gonna make me take off everything myself? Do they have hired help to unzip your coats in Terra Novella?”
“Terranova.”
Ellie let out a sharp sigh, then lunged for the zipper near your throat.
“Okay, okay, fine,” you said, yanking yourself away and pulling your zipper down to reveal your standard lab outfit—a satiny button up shirt tucked into slacks. You pulled the rest of your puffer off, letting it drop in a pile next to you.
“So,” you said as Ellie grabbed your arm, gently rolling up the fabric of your blouse and turning your forearm back and forth, “Is this, like, a normal thing? To have deranged people in the woods attack you like that?”
“They’re not people,” she said quietly. Satisfied with your left arm, she moved to the next and let your unbuttoned sleeve fall. “Not anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
Ellie’s fingers encircled your right wrist as she fiddled with your sleeve. They were warm as they brushed across your skin, just barely touching you. “You really don’t know? I thought you at least knew about outbreak day.”
“Of course I know about outbreak day,” you said defensively. “I’m not stupid.”
Ellie arched a brow.
“They told us that it was a virus,” you added. “That it was lethal and incredibly infectious. Is that not what happened?”
“It’s not a virus, it’s a fungus,” corrected Ellie, letting go of your sleeve and stepping back as you redid the buttons at your wrist. “And it doesn’t just kill. It turns you into—into something like what you saw today. You lose your mind. The only thing that matters to you is biting everyone and spreading the infection.”
“Oh.”
“I saw you get tackled. Did your legs get scratched up at all?”
“No,” you responded, feeling thankful that you wouldn’t need to take your pants off. In that moment, literally nothing seemed more embarrassing. Your hands had begun to shake again.
“Didn’t think so.”
“If it had bitten me, would that mean that I…I would get sick too?”
“Nice going, Sherlock,” said Ellie, returning to her spot against the couch. “Really stellar reasoning skills there.”
You pulled your knees back into your chest, the gravity of the situation sinking in. All this time you’d thought it was just a virus—a measly virus that killed. That it could be anything else had never occurred to you.
“Keep shaking and I’m going to start to think that you were bitten.” She smiled thinly at you from across the room.
“I’m sorry,” you said, your teeth bouncing against each other once before you clenched your jaw. “Please cut me some slack. This is just a lot to take in. If you’ll recall, I’ve just been the first person in history to undergo atomic dissolution and reassembly. It’s a wonder I’m still alive.”
“Welcome to the club,” said Ellie, her eyes narrowed. “It’s a wonder any of us are alive.”
Your lips pressed tightly together as you sat, trying your best not to lose it at her. You’d always been brought up to be kind, to be forgiving and sweet and polite. After all, there was never any reason not to be. Terranova’s culture put a heavy emphasis on keeping the peace no matter what. Your parents rarely ever raised their voices. Your professors kindly and respectfully asked their pupils to settle down if they were too noisy, but since you were all brought up with impeccable manners, such instances were few and far between. It just wasn’t a thing to chew strangers out. Such behavior was only reserved for extraordinary situations of the like you’d never experienced. Speaking of manners…
“Thank you,” you said, finally. Yeah, you could be the bigger person.
Ellie’s gaze snapped up to you, her brow furrowed. “Huh?”
“For saving me,” you clarified, avoiding her eyes. They were uncomfortably piercing. “Sorry. I should’ve thanked you earlier. That was rude of me. And I’m also sorry for just barging in here. I promise it wasn’t on purpose. Trust me, I would do anything to be back home right now.”
“I bet you would.” Her eyes dropped briefly to your hands, unblemished and smooth as they clutched your knees. Not even a cuticle was out of place, a result of your weekly manicures and daily lotion habit.
“Sorry,” you said again, feeling heat rise in your cheeks once again. “I probably sound so insufferable and spoiled to you.”  
“Just—” She paused, frowning. “Just stop apologizing. It’s fine. It’s not your fault, or whatever.” The words seemed to pain her.
“What’s a QZ?” you asked. Now that you’d had a moment to draw in a few deep breaths, your hands were steady once again.
“Quarantine Zone,” said Ellie. “Established by what was left of the government for those of us normal people. There are a couple scattered around the country in the big cities.”
“Did you live in one? What’re they like?”
She was about to answer when the door banged open.
“Ellie!” Dina’s voice was breathless. “Joel wants me and you to go out and finish the patrol route together. She alright?”
“I’m fine,” you said quickly, hanging your legs off the table and reaching for your puffer.
“God, I fucking love that shirt,” said Dina. “Can I touch it? It looks so soft.”
You had a feeling that you would get on well with her. “Sure.”
“It’s not that soft,” said Ellie from the couch.
“Shut up, Ellie!” Dina walked over to you, grabbing the dangling fabric from your loose sleeves and letting it thread through her fingers. “Sorry about her, Y/N. She’s just like that sometimes.”
“Dina!”
Dina ignored Ellie’s protests, giving you a look full of mirth as she stepped back. “For the record, it was that soft.”
“You couldn’t wear it anywhere,” argued Ellie. “It looks ridiculous. Infected would just snag right onto the sleeves. That’s only if you didn’t get tangled up in a tree from all that loose fabric first.”
“There’s not an abundance of trees or sick fungus people in my research lab,” you said awkwardly. “So that’s not really something that crossed my mind when I got ready this morning.”
“Ha!” Dina’s eyes scrunched. “Ellie, be nice. Maybe she’ll claim us both as her long-lost sisters and get us into wherever she came from, but she’s not gonna if you keep acting like this.”
“It’s okay,” you said, shrugging. “I get it. I can’t even begin to imagine how much different your lives are out here. And, I mean, I probably could if you wanted. I’m pretty sure that all you need is a connection and a negative test for whatever the fungus is called.”
“See?” Dina gestured towards you. “Listen to her. She’s so wholesome.”
“I’d be wholesome too if I led the kind of life where I didn’t know about the infected and got to wear dumb shirts like that all day.”
Dina huffed. “Listen, Y/N, Ellie and I are gonna finish up with patrolling. I’m assuming you want to stay in Jackson until you figure everything out?”
You nodded. “If that’s alright. I don’t mean to impose.”
“We’ll talk to Maria and Tommy once we get back and see about getting you set up somewhere temporarily,” said Dina. “For now, you can just stay at Ellie’s until we finish up. Sound good?”
“Dina!” protested Ellie. “You’re just gonna leave her here unattended without even asking me?”
“What’s she gonna do? Ransack the town? With what weapon, Ellie? Her bare hands? She looks like she’d be blown over if I breathed too hard in her direction.”
You flushed. Sure, you’d never really seen much of a point of bulking up and working out when you were nothing but a student who spent all of her time goofing off with wires and telescopes, but it was humbling to have it pointed out so blatantly.
“She wouldn’t make it a day outside,” continued Dina. “I don’t think she’s stupid enough to try anything. Isn’t that right, Y/N?”
You blinked. “I mean, yeah. I’ve never spent a day without electricity and hot running water, so I’m not really clambering to leave and live in the woods.”
Ellie sighed sharply. “Fine. Cool. Whatever. Just stay where you are, okay? And don’t even think about touching anything.”
~
By the time that she returned with Joel, you were sitting at the table, 2 chapters deep into the one textbook you’d brought along with you for one of your courses.
“Glad to see the house still standing,” Joel quipped as he worked his heavy coat off his shoulders and pulled his boots off. Ellie trailed behind him, hanging up her coat and pulling off a pair of black gloves. “Ellie was concerned you’d raze the whole town.”
“I’m honored that she thinks me so capable,” you said in response, wincing as you had to dogear your textbook, your bookmarks and sticky notes tucked safely in your dorm desk far away.
Ellie sent you an irritated look before her gaze dropped to the textbook in your lap. It lingered for a moment, just long enough for you to know that she was reading the title Exoplanetary Systems.
“Tommy and Maria have decided to let you stay until you get back on your feet,” said Joel, oblivious to the hostility coming from Ellie. “There’s a cottage down the street that’ll be ready for you to move into soon. For now, you can stay with us. There’s an extra room across the hall from Ellie’s.”
“That’s too kind of you,” you said, your voice smooth and gracious after years of having your manners picked apart by your parents.  
Joel looked mildly uncomfortable. “Uh, yeah. Don’t mention it. You know how to ride a horse?”
“Yeah, a little.”
“Good,” said Joel. “Can you shoot, too?”
You stared. “Uh, shoot what?”
“A gun,” said Ellie slowly. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest, her mouth contorted into a scowl. She did not seem overjoyed at the prospect of a new housemate.
“No,” you said. Your ears felt like they were on fire. “There’s, uh, a strict ban on guns in Terr–where I grew up. There was no reason to shoot anything.”
Joel whistled. “Well, imagine that. So maybe we won’t put you on patrol just yet. We’ll find something else for you to do. Got any other skills?”
Before you answered, Joel picked up your bag and peered inside of it. “Say, is this a bag of coffee?”
He pulled out the bag of coffee grinds that you’d picked up at the cafe.
“Yeah!” you said. “Before the, uh, accident, my professor sent me to get him tea from the cafeteria. I ended up picking those up since my roommate and I were out. You drink coffee?”
“Not much anymore,” said Joel, picking up the bag and weighing it back and forth. “It’s hard to come by out here. You have to pay an arm and a leg to get just a bit. I haven’t seen a bag like this since before the outbreak.”
“It’s yours,” you said quickly. “I don’t even really like coffee. I just drank it because my roommate would make me a cup.”
Joel shook his head and placed it back in your bag. “No, I couldn’t do that. I’d probably have to trade my whole arsenal plus a horse to get something this big.”
“Please, I insist,” you said. “It’s the least I can do. It’s just going to sit in my bag anyway. You’d appreciate it more.”
“Well…” Joel gave you a considering look. “I s’pose this could cover your work for a few weeks until either we find another job for you or Ellie teaches you to shoot.”
“Joel!” Ellie interjected. “I have my own shit to do.”
“That’s really generous of you,” you said, smiling at Joel. “But you could honestly just take the bag—no need to offer any reimbursement.”
Joel grunted and picked the bag up again, slinging it onto the counter behind him. “Maria’s never gonna believe me until she sees this. Full bag of monsoon malabar…didn’t even think they had that shit anymore…” He continued to mumble to himself as he shuffled around, opening and closing cabinets behind you.
When you looked back up, Ellie was staring again at your book, a line in her brow.
“You can borrow it, if you’d like.” You pushed the book towards her as a poor attempt to call a truce between you two. “It’s not like I actually need to do the reading anymore. I’m already missing lecture.”
You winced at the thought of getting behind in your classes. In the very likely case you weren’t getting back in the next few days, you’d probably need to take a gap semester and return in the fall, delaying your graduation date another 4 months. Your parents were going to kill you. This was going to create an unfillable hole in your resume. “Shooting a gun” and “riding horses” were not acceptable activities to explain away why you took a whole season off.
“No thanks,” said Ellie, pushing it back to you. “Keep it. I don’t want it.”
“It’s about solar systems outside of our locale,” you continued. “There’s a bunch of them. It’s actually really interesting.”
“It doesn’t really sound like it,” she said, but there was no venom behind her voice—just something that sounded like exhaustion.  
“Maybe not.” You sighed, deflated. So much for a white flag. “I guess it must seem pretty ridiculous to you.”
Ellie stood there, her arms still crossed and her frown deep. “Joel,” she said, speaking over your shoulder, “I’m going out. I’ll see you later.”
“Don’t do anything stupid,” said Joel. You could hear him bustling around in what you assumed was a kitchen, filling a kettle with water and lighting the gas top stove.
When you turned back around, Ellie was already out the door, coat slung over her arm as she shut it.
Before the door closed entirely, her eyes snapped up to meet yours like she knew you’d been watching her.
She was gone before you had the chance to lift your hand to wave goodbye.
again apologies for this if you’ve made it this far. please confiscate my laptop. part 2 coming soon (?) if u want also im not an astrophysics student im a thickheaded cs student who barely survived ap physics so im sorry if i’m doing a disservice to the academic field of astronomy idk shit about it 
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mxmmyprentiss · 3 months
Text
I Miss You, I'm Sorry
Summary: Long story short, you survived without her. Her name had become a memory pushed and tucked away in the back of your mind. You locked it and threw away the key. You had stopped yourself from waiting for answers as to why she walked out on you or why she didn’t fight for you ages ago.
Well. Until now. Genre: Angst Pairing: Emily Prentiss x female reader Warnings: homophobia, parental abuse (?) Word count: 6.9k (I got carried away)
A/N: Hi, guys! I just made a new tumblr account and I'm new to Criminal Minds and I'm still actually just about to start season 4 lol but Emily Prentiss already got a chokehold on me and here I am. English is not my first language so any grammar/spelling/other writing mistakes, I apologize. I also have not written anything in a long, long time. Comments and criticisms are welcome.
(also emily's fbi timeline here might be a little confusing so idk lol)
AO3
Relationships don’t always work out. You have known that fact since you were seven years old as a result of your parents’ divorce. You still remember your mother saying, “Baby, sometimes love doesn’t last. Maybe it’s love for now but it won’t be love forever. Two people can grow apart even when they are together all the time. And that’s what happened with me and your dad. And honey, it’s not your fault, you understand?” And you still remember nodding as if you really understood what was happening.
But just like any other child who knew how it felt to be a product of a broken family, you still felt responsible about it. You could have done more, could have done something to prevent your family from falling apart, or at least could have done anything to stitch your family back together. But as you grow older, you learned that what if’s are only as good as heroin and cocaine combined together - it’s not. It’s lethal.
So even though your parents are still alive, you still considered them as the first ones you have lost. Accepting that has helped you cope with other things you have missed throughout your life..
Pen.
Hair ties.
Bus ticket.
Money.
Your first love.
The last one, unlike the others, was not forgotten, misplaced or stolen. The last one walked out of your life before you even had the chance to tell her you would move mountains and set the world on fire if she asked you to. What once were gentle, careful hands that held your heart are the same hands that crushed it into pieces and may have been impossible to glue it back together no matter how much you tried.
It’s fine though. It was a long time ago. You learned to live with it.
At least that’s what you told your therapist when she asked during one of your sessions.
“Come on, sugarplum.” Penelope Garcia, your roommate, tugged your arm. “It’s just drinks at the bar.”
“I’m already beat, Penny. I’ve had a long shift.”
“Exactly the reason why you need to get out and have fun, doctor. We were both so busy with work and never had fun anymore.”
“We have movie marathons sometimes.”
“Please,” Penelope scoffed. “You fall asleep in the first 30 minutes of every movie.”
You sighed. You didn’t defend yourself because it’s true. Lately, everything feels heavy. And you’re always exhausted to the point of passing out at any furniture you lay your head to.
“I’m sorry, Pen.”
Penelope cups your face and forces you to look at her. She has the most gentle, caring eyes when she wants it to be. Curious and determined, most of the time. “Hey, I’m not saying those aren’t fun, okay? I’m just saying maybe we need a change of environment. Get loose. Have a few drinks and maybe meet some people and dance. That’s all.”
“I don’t know these people,” you said defeatedly.
“And you don’t know your patients either but you’re forced to interact with them anyway.” Penelope squeezed your cheeks before letting go. “They’re my friends as much as you are mine, sweet cheeks. I’ll introduce you to them and who knows. You might end up liking them too.”
There’s no winning against your roommate. So you finally agreed and Penelope pranced to her room to change.
Since tonight seemed to be about changes, you decided to put on a skin tight knee-length blue dress that complimented your curves and skin along with a light denim blazer. You matched it with black printed flats and a purse Penelope gifted you last Christmas.
You and Penelope walked hand in hand to the bar. She told you briefly about everyone’s first names but you’re not sure if you will remember them all as you haven’t seen their faces just yet. Also, Penelope talks too fast when she’s excited and your brain just cannot process it as quickly knowing how tired you are.
You both stopped at the door, scanning the place and saw a booth on the far end of the bar. Penelope waved at the people on the table and everyone happily greeted Penelope. You felt a little at ease that they were all wearing casual clothes and looked a little less scary compared to what they actually do for a living.
“Everyone, this is my roommate, Y/N,” Penelope introduced you to the team. And pointing from left to right, she said, “This is Hotch, Derek, Reid and JJ.” They all waved at you. Reid stood up and shook your hand. He insisted you can call him Spencer and babbled something about an article he read the other day that he remembered because you’re wearing a blue dress. You stared at him, fascinated albeit confused. Derek chuckles and pulls Reid next to him.
“Hey, guys, here’s our dri-”
A pause. 
A stare.
Your heart skipped a beat. Or two. Or maybe it stopped for God knows how long.
One of the glasses of beer almost fell out of the raven-haired woman’s hands. Luckily, JJ caught it, looking back and forth between the two of you.
“Emily, you are an angel.” Penelope snatched three glasses out of her friend’s hand. “Y/N, this is Emily.”
It took you a second - or ten - before you reached out your hand for a handshake and forced a smile. “Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N.” Your jaw started to hurt at how tight you’re clenching them but you can’t help it.
She’s here.
Emily took your hand and for a brief second, you felt her squeeze it harder than you would normally do for a handshake. “Emily,” was all she said and sat to Penelope’s right.
Everyone grabbed their drinks. The music at the bar grew loud and they talked even louder to understand each other. Derek and Reid debated about something work-related that you didn’t understand but Derek rolling his eyes at Reid whenever he stated facts amused you. Meanwhile, Penelope showed something to JJ and Emily on her phone and you just hope it’s not something embarrassing because you caught the glance JJ shoots at you and she giggled.
“What are you showing them, Pen?” you asked curiously.
“Nothing,” she grinned. “I’m just showing them how pretty my best friend is.”
You squint, not believing a word she just said. Your hands were quick to snatch the phone from her hand. “Penelope Garcia!” Even with the dim lighting, your blush was evident. It’s a photo of you sleeping in your kitchen, hugging a stainless pot and holding a wooden spatula. You don’t remember that happening. “When was this and why are you keeping this picture?”
Penelope laughed. “You don’t remember so I’m not going to remind you.”
You immediately deleted it off her phone. “Now it’s gone.”
She raised her eyebrows and let out a chuckle, “You forget I work in tech?”
You mumbled a curse and rolled your eyes, accepting defeat.
“Don’t worry, Y/N. It’s cute.” JJ teased and you could only force a smile in embarrassment.
Out of nowhere, Penelope gulped down her entire drink and stood. “Come on, let’s get dancing! Let’s go! Let’s go!”
Everyone followed her. Even Hotch who seems to not like the idea but Derek practically pushed him to the dance floor.
Everyone except Emily.
Her.
And you.
You two were left at the booth, sitting across from each other. Emily was gripping her glass. Hard. You believed she might break it if she didn't relax.
You averted your eyes from Emily. It’s ridiculous to not find anything to stare at other than  Emily’s hands.
Emily’s beer. 
Emily’s hair. 
Emily’s clothes.
Emily’s necklace.
Why is this place full of her?
The place was full and crowded and the music was so loud but the silence between you two? That was louder. Deafening. Unsettling. Awkward.
“It’s nice to see you again,” Emily said, finally managing to look you in the eye again.
Your breath hitched once, twice, before answering, “You too.”
And you meant it. But you didn’t want to. 
Oh, but you did.
She chugged her beer and grimaces the second she does. “I … I didn’t know you and Penelope are friends.”
“I didn’t know you and Penelope are co-workers either.” You shrugged. “How long have you been with the FBI?”
“Seven years,” she answered.
Penelope called your name from the dance floor where she was dancing with Morgan. You only gave her a thumbs up to let her know you’re fine and will be staying at the booth.
“You’re staring,” you said and Emily quickly diverted her eyes from you. She decided the floor was a better view instead. You licked your lips to keep yourself from smiling. “It’s okay, you know.”
“What?”
“I said it’s okay.”
“What’s okay?”
“If you want to pretend like we don’t know each other.” But the agonizing tug in your chest claimed otherwise. “I mean, they’re your friends and Pen is your friend as much as she’s mine. She doesn’t have to know. She just brought me here tonight so we could have fun and meet you guys.”
To your surprise, Emily moved to sit next to you. Not really next to you but just close enough to smell her perfume. 
Velvety. 
Delicious. 
Familiar.
You inhaled deeply, composed yourself, and stole Penelope’s second beer.
“How have you been, Y/N?”
The shiver that ran down your spine shouldn’t be there when Emily said your name. It shouldn’t have affected you that much. Or at all. But it did. And you despised it.
“Since you left me? Great.” You laughed quietly, staring at the glass now half empty. “Really great. I … I’m well … a resident doctor …” You take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m fine. I just …”
“You didn’t expect to see me, I get it.”
“Yeah.”
There’s the awkward silence again. If it doesn’t stop sooner, you think you might just bang your head against the table just to shift the mood.
“I tried to find you,” Emily spoke again. Her voice was low, you almost miss what she said. “I came back but you weren’t there anymore. Your mom said you already moved to LA with your dad and -”
“I don’t want to do this here, Emily. Please.” You just can’t. You might cause a scene if you keep this up. You’re still torn between crying hysterically or just downright screaming at her face.
But her face. Her stupid, fucking perfect face.
You looked away. You focused on the people dancing specifically at Penelope grinding against Reid who’s only swaying awkwardly. That’s better.
Emily scooted closer to you but not close enough to invade your personal space still. “Do you hate me?”
You wanted to be rude. Tell her what does it look like, bitch? But that’s just not you. You’re not a confrontational woman. You’re an honest woman. And to be honest, you’re feeling a lot.
Instead, you gulped a drink and stared at it for a while, leaving Emily staring at your hand, waiting for an answer that may never come.
It took a few minutes for you to gather the strength to look her in the eyes. Your eyes may have been teary, you’re not sure, but everything else looks blurry and you feel lightheaded. You’re not even drunk yet. You only had two beers, for fuck’s sake.
You missed those eyes. Emily’s kind, loving, gentle, ‘used to see right through you’ eyes.
“You left me,” was all that came out of your mouth.
Emily moved closer to your seat, dark eyes still locked on yours as if asking for permission. “I was scared. I was young, Y/N.”
You shook your head in disbelief. “And I wasn’t? Your mother literally hired a private investigator to threaten me so I would stay away from you! I was 17, Emily! 17!” You hissed. Emily tried to reach out for your hand but you got up quickly and ran to the dance floor, to your friend. 
You whispered to Penelope’s ear that you needed to leave immediately to cover an emergency shift at the hospital. She knew better than to argue with you and your work so she let you go and told you not to worry about the tab. She offered to call you an uber but you insisted on walking since the hospital is only a few blocks away.
“Y/N, wait!”
“Emily, not now!” Your strides were getting bigger and you wished you could just fly home instead and get there faster. She grabbed your arm, pulling you to the side. And although it’s already dark outside, Emily can’t miss the way your eyes glisten with tears, staining your cheeks. “Please, Emily, just please.” You didn’t know what you’re actually asking - begging - her. You weakly placed a hand to her stomach and pushed to keep a little distance between the both of you. 
Emily took your shivering hand and held it to her chest instead. Her hands were as soft as you remembered them to be. And you hated the fact that you still remember that after so many years. “Please, Y/N, let me just talk to you.”
“What’s there to talk about? We made it this far in life without each other.” You said bitterly.
“But we didn’t want to.” She sighed. “At least, not for me.”
You took a deep breath in. Emily wiped the tears with her thumbs. Then she cupped your face and you couldn’t help but to just feel her for a minute, face settling on her warm hands. You look at her, eyes pleading. “Em, please.” 
Emily shuddered at the nickname. You were - are - the only one who could make it sound so soft and loved; make it sound like home. After all this time.
“Emily?” You both looked at the sound of Penelope’s voice. You quickly retracted your hand from Emily’s. “Y/N? You’re still here?”
“I, uh, Emily here just brought me my purse because I forgot.” You lied. Emily swallowed whatever she was about to say. You turned to Emily. “Thanks. I have to go now.”
“Oh, okay.” 
You hailed a cab and got out as fast as you can, leaving Emily dumbfounded and Penelope confused as she was intrigued.
___
Emily rubbed her hands together and exhaled loudly. Penelope raised her eyebrow. “What did you do?” She asked.
“What? I didn’t do anything.”
“For an FBI agent, you’re a bad liar right now, honey.” She squinted and took a closer look at Emily’s eyes. Teary. “Were you two making out?”
Emily scoffed. “You’re drunk, Garcia.”
“And you’re hiding something, Prentiss.”
“I’m not!” Penelope continued to stare at her suspiciously, pressing the truth out of her. “Okay, I think you should talk to her first. I can’t be the one to tell you if she doesn’t want to.”
“Did you know Y/N before I brought her here? I saw that you two were surprised to see each other a while ago. There was something there. It doesn’t take a profiler to see it.”
Emily paced back and forth, biting her lip, arms crossed. She stopped herself from biting her nails, a habit she may have done when she’s anxious. Emily contemplated whether to tell Penelope everything or something or anything. “God, I think I need something stronger than the drinks in the bar.”
“I’m waiting here, pudding.”
“And I’m thinking here.” She kept her pace. Then stopped. Emily takes a deep breath. “Y/N is … well, she was … is … I think …” she rambled, hands in her pockets. Emily looked up to keep the tears pooling in her eyes from falling. “Garcia, she’s the love of my life.” She stated weakly.
Penelope gaped at Emily like a deer caught in headlights.
___
Penelope arrived home at around 2:30 in the morning. You heard the lock click and footsteps approaching your door. You quickly pulled the covers above your head and pretended to sleep soundly.
“Y/N?” It’s your roommate. She caressed your foot. “I just want to say I’m sorry for bringing you out there tonight. I … I didn’t know you and … her …” Penelope sighed sadly. “We can talk about it when you’re ready or whenever you want or not at all. It’s up to you really. I just want to say I’m sorry.” She gave a light pat to your leg. “Good night, sweetie.”
___
The next morning, you found Penelope sitting in the kitchen having coffee and talking to someone on her laptop. You didn’t interrupt her, suspecting she might be working from home.
You prepared coffee for yourself and sat on the opposite end of the table. You pretended to scroll on your phone … waiting …
“Morning, baby girl,” Penelope finally decided to break the silence.
“Morning, Pen.”
“So …” There it was. You have known her for a long time to know that nothing - not even the strongest of hangover -  is stronger than her inquisitiveness. “Want to talk about the elephant in the room?”
You took a deep breath.
“I’m not forcing you, Y/N. I’m just asking if you’re ready because if you’re not, it’s fi -”
“And let you die of curiosity?” You hid your smirk behind your mug. Penelope smiled widely. “Did she tell you about me?”
“Emily?” You roll your eyes as if to say who else? “We haven’t had the chance to talk about our personal lives before but last night, she told me two things actually.”
“Oh?”
“One, that it might be better if I get the dirt from you. And two …” Penelope pauses, grinning. Is she actually pausing for dramatic effect?
“Spit it out, Penny.”
“I’m not sure if you want to know.”
“Just say it.”
“That you were -” Your friend shook her head. “ ARE. You are the love of her life.”
Oh.
There it was again. That tug in your chest. Are you dying? Maybe. You needed to get this checked out one of these days at the hospital, you thought. You might need an ECG or probably a 2D echo.
“Is it true?” Penelope pushed. “How did you two know each other?”
You walked to the living room with your coffee and sat on the couch. Penelope follows you.
“That love of her life part, I’m not sure.” You took a sip of your coffee. Black and bitter. “We met in high school. She was my girlfriend.”
Penelope scooted closer. “What happened?”
“Well, long story short -”
“No, I want the long complete detailed version, love bug.” You rolled your eyes at her and she smacked your arm. “You’ve been holding out on me!”
“Hey! I didn’t know my ex is working with you, okay?”
“Still! Everything really does happen for a reason.” She smiled to herself.
You raised an eyebrow. “And what’s the reason for this then?”
“We’ll see,” Penelope smirked. “Now, go on with the story, girlfriend.”
“We met in high school. She was a transferee. I was, well, an introvert with no friends. She was the new girl. I’m sure you know where I’m going with this.” You see Penelope with a shit-eating grin, nodding her head. “It took a week before I could say a word to her.”
“Because you’re so gay and she’s a pretty girl?” Penelope grinned.
You glared at her. “Because I was an introvert.”
“Sure.”
“Anyway, she missed a class and asked if she wanted my notes and she said yes. We have been friends from then on.”
“Until…?”
“She was the first one to say ‘I love you’, you know?” Tears started pooling in your eyes. You immediately wiped it off with the end of your sweater before it even stained your cheeks. “We were in the locker room. Just the two of us after gym class. It was out of nowhere. We just finished showering -”
“Together?” Penelope gasped scandalously. You swatted her arm and she laughed. “I’m kidding.”
“Anyway, we just finished showering and she said she loved me. You have to understand that it was a time when you know … it’s not accepted nor tolerated to be … us.” Penelope took your hand and squeezed it. She could only sympathize, knowing how cruel and tough the world must be to not let people love who they love. “We hid it for a year, maybe two. I’m really not sure now, I think, but it was the longest time of my life. We were okay, great even. We had the most fun, enjoying each other’s company, sneaking around, going on dates. My mom met her. She liked her. Always asked about her when I get home.” You smile at the memory now but it quickly fades. “Until her mother found out about us.”
“Ambassador Prentiss? Oh, that evil -”
“Her mother sent a P.I. to threaten me so I would stay away from her daughter. I was 17 years old and scared, what else can I do?”
“Oh, honey,” Your friend pulled you into a hug. “I’m sorry the world has not been kind to you, sunshine.”
“Thanks, Penny.”
“You two broke up after that?”
You shook your head. “I was about to ask Emily what we should do. I was ready to run away, to hide, to go anywhere with her. I messaged her to meet me at the gym locker room after class the next day but she never showed up at the school at all.” Penelope noticed your trembling hands and gently caressed them. “I found out from the faculty that she moved overseas.”
“Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it’s hard for you, honey bun.”
“I just didn’t expect to see her last night … or ever. I stopped myself from looking for her again. Turns out, life has funny comebacks.” You chuckled bitterly. Penelope enveloped you in a tight hug until her phone rings. You giggle, “Work is calling you, badass computer nerd.”
___
When Penelope reached the BAU, Emily was the first one to spot her. She ran towards her, following Penelope to her office.
“Fabulous morning, person who hurt my roommate.” Penelope greeted without looking at Emily to which she replied with an eye roll. “Y/N told me everything.”
“Y/N told you everything about what?” Suddenly the two women stopped on their tracks and turned around. It’s JJ with take-out coffees in one hand and files on the other. “Come on, ladies. Share it with the team.”
“No!” They simultaneously yelled.
“Okay, chill.” JJ handed them each their coffees. “Share it with me. I’ll find out about it anyway.”
Penelope dragged the two women into her lair. Once locked inside, Penelope announced, “Y/N is your ex!”
“Garcia!” Emily hushed her.
JJ’s eyes were wide and almost spitted out her coffee. “I knew there was something!”
“What?” Emily looked genuinely confused.
“Emily, we’re profilers. We see everything.” JJ reminded her. “You were so awkward with her last night. I assume you guys haven’t seen each other in a while.”
“15 years.”
“And it’s still that awkward?” JJ scoffed unbelievably. “Must have been a bad break up.”
“Technically, they didn’t break up but Agent Prentiss here left my friend without saying goodbye.” Penelope squinted her eyes at Emily, arms folded and eyebrows raised.
Emily’s face was almost as red as her blouse now. “I didn’t … I didn’t want to.”
“Then why did you?”
“It’s com-”
A knock interrupted the ladies’ gossip session. “Ladies, Hotch wants us in the briefing room ASAP.” Morgan told them.
“Be right there!” JJ replied. “We’ll continue this later. Over drinks. Just the three of us. Ladies’ night.”
Emily saw no way out of this so she just nodded.
___
It was a terribly bad day at work. The ER was filled with too many people. Patients kept on coming without showing signs of slowing down. Every bed was occupied - some were already in the hallway in wheelchairs - and everyone had something to do. You have not had breakfast or lunch yet. Your cup of coffee left cold at the doctor’s quarters which you’re sure someone threw out already.
Sometimes you wonder why you chose this career instead of just pursuing your love for multimedia arts.
“Doc,” a senior nurse called you. “I have your patient’s labs and ECG right here.” She hands you the chart. “X-ray results are to follow. Let me know if you’ll be requesting more. Bed 5.”
“Okay.” You walked towards the bed, reviewing your patient's chart. Name … age …
Name?
Now the world was playing a prank on you.
“Emily Prentiss?” You call your patient’s name as soon as you draw the curtains. Emily looked up to you, lying on the bed, beaming too much for someone who’s injured. There’s a small stain of blood on her tank top. You felt something stuck in your throat as worry fills your thoughts yet you retain your poker face.
“Y/N?”
“Dr. Y/F/N, resident. I’m,” you cleared your throat. You put down the chart on the bedside table. “I’m here to examine you. Can you tell me what happened?”
Emily adjusted herself on the bed with a grimace. “I got shot. Almost. I was wearing a vest but I think it left a graze.” Emily lifted her top to show you. You don your gloves and inspect the wound closely, pressing softly at the area. You suspect she might have taken more than one close hit from the way the graze looked. Your eyes panned to her eyes staring at your hands.
“Did you get hit elsewhere, Agent?”
“No,” Emily shook her head. But your eyes found fresh bruises on both of her arms. “It’s fine, doesn’t hurt.”
“You’re always a tough cookie, agent?”
“I have to be.”
“Of course.” You assessed the rest of her body, especially her head for any bumps or cuts. Apart from the bullet graze on her chest and the bruises on her arms, you didn’t find anything else worthy of concern or emergency so far. “Do you feel anything else? Any pain?”
Emily had many answers to that but she bit her tongue. It’s not the time and place. She shook her head instead.
“Okay, I’ll get someone to clean and dress your wound. I’ll order an intravenous painkiller. It will take care of the first six hours, at least, but I’ll also prescribe you some oral painkillers and have your home care instructions ready. Do you have someone I can talk to?”
“I, uh, I think JJ is around somewhere. Or Reid.”
“Any relatives?”
“They’re all I have.” There was a small pause. “We take care of each other.”
“Yeah, of course. Part of the job.” You wrote your initial reports on her chart before leaving. “So, uh … I’ll call the nurse.” You turned around but Emily grabbed the end of your coat. “Anything else, Agent Prentiss?”
“Can you, if it’s not too much to ask, can you do the IV thing? I just …”
“You hate needles.” I know.
She nodded. “Please?”
Fuck. How can you say no when she’s looking at you with those eyes? Dark, pleading and consuming.
You can lie and tell her you have other patients to attend to but so far, no nurse had called you yet. You hear another resident had come in, too.
Emily’s eyes and hand were still on you.
“Okay,” you finally said. “I’ll be right back.”
Just your dumb, stupid luck.
___
Your shift ended at around 10pm but it’s almost midnight when you got out of the hospital. You already changed your top into a purple t-shirt. You carried your bags, coat hanging on your arm, as you walked to your car. You couldn’t wait to go home and wash off the busy day you had.
You stopped by to take out Chinese food for you and Penelope and a little extra to reheat tomorrow for breakfast.
You heard the TV as you approached the door. Penelope must still be awake and watching a show. You opened the door with your keys and to your surprise, one of your patients today was sitting on your couch. Your eyes met briefly.
“Hey, sweetie pie!” Penelope cornered you and grabbed hold of the take-outs. “Let me talk to you for a minute.” Penelope excused herself and you, dragging you to the kitchen. “I’m sorry Emily’s here but somebody’s got to take care of her and she lives alone. I figured since you’re here and you’re a doctor, this will be the safest choice. If that’s alright with you, of course.”
“Do I really have a choice?”
“No.” Your roommate grinned widely.
You let out an exasperated sigh. “Then it’s fine. I’m going to my room. I had a long day.”
“But aren’t you going to eat? You can watch TV with us.”
“I lost my appetite.” You mumbled. You walked to your room and Emily caught you on the way. She stopped in front of you. “What?”
“I’m sorry for staying. The team insisted and -”
“It’s fine, Agent Prentiss.”
Emily frowned. “You don’t have to be so formal.”
“I’m sorry but I’m really tired. I just want to go to bed.”
“Okay, sorry,” She stepped to the side and you walked past her. “Y/N?” You looked back at her. “Thank you for today.”
You flashed her a small smile.
___
You woke up the next morning to a loud scream. You quickly got up and ran to the living room. Your hair still disheveled and pajama pants hanging a little low.
“Is there a fire?” You asked, confused and half awake.
“Sorry for waking you, sunshine. But I cannot do this.” Penelope handed you a gauze, medical tape and scissors. “Help us, oh sweet lord of ER.”
You yawned then sat next to Emily. You disinfected your hands with alcohol and proceeded to clean her wound with povidone-iodine. She winces a little. “Hurts?”
“A little.”
“Well, it’s supposed to.”
“Wow, aren’t you grumpy in the morning.” Emily teased, earning a glare from you and a slightly painful poke. “Ow! Hey, be gentle please. I’m already hurt.” She pouted.
“You have a dangerous job. Couldn’t you be more careful?” You retorted, annoyed.
“Well, I’m sorry the UnSub has a gun and tried to kill me.”
You ignored her mumbling. “Do you have the day off?”
“Hotch gave me the week off.” Emily answered, clearly disappointed. “I can’t believe my doctor suggested a week's rest. It’s not even that bad, right?”
You bit the inside of your cheeks. “And you know better than your doctor?”
Emily smiled. “I guess not.”
You finished cleaning up her wound and changing the dressing. You picked up an ice pack from the fridge and handed it to her. “Ice your bruises. No more than 15 minutes at a time.”
“Yes, doc.”
“Don’t call me doc.”
“You’re a doctor.”
“We’re not in the hospital.”
Emily leaned forward, a little too close to your face. “What should I call you then?”
Up close, you noticed her lower lip has a small cut while her upper lip … well, there’s nothing wrong with it.
You tried not to focus too much on her lips. Tried is the keyword. 
Then, you suddenly felt like your ghost floated above you and gave the back of your head a cold hard slap. Your eyes quickly darted up to her own brown orbs, intently staring back at you. 
“I’d rather you not call me anything at all.” You said firmly and got up. Emily watched you march back to your room.  A small smirk formed on Emily’s face.
You lied on your bed. Heart pounding, head somewhat dizzy, cheeks flushed.
Fuck Emily Prentiss and her stupid, stupid, tempting lips.
___
The three of you ended up watching your second classic film one afternoon with Penelope sitting between you and Emily. You didn’t like the movie that much honestly. You walked to the kitchen to make yourself your favorite drink - soda with vanilla ice cream.
“You still like that huh?” Emily sneaked up behind you. “It’s diabetes in a glass.”
“Guilty.” You took a sip. “It’s my comfort drink.”
“It sure is.”
“What do you need? Ice?”
“You, actually.”
“Why? Something hurts?”
“Nothing you can heal.”
You rolled your eyes. “I’m serious.”
“So am I, Y/N.” Emily stepped closer to you. “I was wondering if we can finally have a talk.”
“We’re watching a movie.”
“Penelope’s just fine.” You both glanced at Penelope who turned her head back to the TV at breakneck speed.
“She put you up to this huh?” You took a seat and you gestured to Emily to do the same. There’s no use avoiding ‘the talk’ anyway as it looks like Emily might live here for the whole week whether you liked it or not. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Us.”
“Us?”
Emily ran her hands through her hair, not knowing where to start. “I didn’t want to leave.”
Fifteen years.
It’s been fifteen years since you last saw Emily. Both of you were still kids - young, innocent, carefree, hopeful. The day Emily left your life, you were a wreck. You did good at school, acing exams after exams, and eventually got to medical school on partial scholarship. Outside, you tried to be the perfect little golden daughter your parents and teachers expected you to be. Inside? You were empty. You felt as if you’re a shallow case of a person.
The first five years since Emily left, you graduated from high school. You got multiple part time jobs before applying to universities. In between those busy times, you tried to find her - called her up on her phone every single day for three years, wrote letters to her last known address every month for two years. Once, you even tried to sneak into their house but the security guard spotted you and almost caught you. You almost had a bald spot from the security grabbing your hair.
By the sixth year since Emily had gone, you stopped. You realized it’s not healthy anymore. You were holding on to a ghost. So you learned to live the next years of your life without her. After finishing your degree in biochemistry, you moved to LA with your father. You got yourself into UCLA and pursued medicine.
The med school journey wasn’t a smooth ride at all. Yes, you didn’t fail one subject during med school but the harder part came later - the actual practice. You struggled with a lot of things but mostly socializing with different people - strangers - whose life depended on you and your capabilities.
It was only five years ago that you finally started to feel somewhat confident with yourself. Not perfect but you weren’t getting yelled at as much by the attendings anymore. A senior resident even complimented your improvement which meant a lot to you.
Long story short, you survived without her.
Her name had become a memory pushed and tucked away in the back of your mind. You locked it and threw away the key. You had stopped yourself from waiting for answers as to why she walked out on you or why she didn’t fight for you ages ago.
Well.
Until now.
“Y/N,” Emily placed her hand on top of yours and you were quick to retract it. It was a reflex at this point. “Sorry.” She kept her hands under the table. “I know apologizing won’t erase anything that happened to us but I’m really sorry, love.”
“Don’t call me that.” You clenched your jaw. “Just tell me why.”
“She, my mother … she took me to the Middle East when she found out about us. I should have known, I should have seen, that we were being followed by her men every time we went out. She tossed the photos - our photos - to my face. She called me disgusting and immoral and a fucking disappointment all because I loved you.” The last part came out as a mumble but you caught it.
Your eyebrows relaxed, eyes softened. The waterworks in your eyes were threatening to fall again. Damn it.
How would a 17-year-old expect this from her own mother? How was she supposed to know?
“She had all your information and your family’s and I was so afraid that she would come for you.” Emily continued, now looking down at her hands, trembling in fear and probably embarrassment of being vulnerable and open. “I knew she would come for you. She told me so. I will set that girl straight if that’s what it takes, that’s what she said. And you have no idea how that sentence scarred me until now.” Emily takes a deep shuddering breath. “The thought of you being hurt because of me … us … I couldn’t bear that, Y/N. I had to protect you so I made her swear to leave you alone and in exchange I will follow whatever she wanted me to do, whatever she wanted me to be.” Emily glanced back up to you, eyes defenseless and face flushed. “I just want you alive and safe.”
“Emily …”
“You don’t have to forgive me now or ever if you don’t want to. Or if you can’t. That’s okay. I can live with that … I think.” Your ex-girlfriend sat up straight, faked a smile. “But I want you to know that when I got to the Bureau, I did look for you.”
Your eyes met. And from what Penelope was seeing from the living room, everything was evident: the longing, the pain, the memories.
“I found out you got into med school in LA. I was so happy for you, you know that. I knew you would make it. I remember you wanted to be a surgeon at first but then you said you liked kids so maybe pedia -”
“Why didn’t you call?”
“I couldn’t … I wanted to, Y/N. I have wanted so badly for years. But when I remember about what I put you through, what my mother put you -”
“Us,” you corrected. “What your mother put us through.”
Emily nodded. “I just couldn’t ruin your life like that again.”
“Do you still talk to her? Your mother.”
“Not anymore. We haven’t been in contact since the last case she brought to the FBI.”
“Do you miss her?”
“Can’t miss someone you don’t know.”
You gave her a sad smile. “You’re strong, Emily.”
“Sometimes I think it’s a curse.”
“It will take some time,” you mumbled. Emily stared at you, waiting for what you meant. “Forgiving you, I mean.”
“I know. You don’t have to.”
“But I understand, Emily. I understand now.”
You shared a friendly smile. You leaned forward to wipe the tear from Emily’s cheek.
Emily held your wrist, feeling your hand on her cheek. You two stayed like that for a few seconds. You were the first one to let go but before going, you left a tender kiss on her forehead to which Emily closed her eyes, feeling your lips against her skin for the first time in a long time.
The moment was almost ruined when you and Emily heard a shriek from the living room and saw Penelope stuffing her mouth with ice cream. Clearly, she saw everything.
You and Emily chuckled.
“Em,” you softly whispered. “I’m sorry too.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Sorry the world wasn’t kind. To you. To us.”
Emily frowned. “It’s not your fault.”
None of this was your fault or Emily’s as it turns out. Now that everything was out in the open, a blossoming hope grew in your heart as you looked at Emily. All the sadness, anger and pain you felt the first time you laid eyes on her at the bar, you felt that diffusing quickly.
Maybe it’s not such a bad idea. 
To just kiss her. Just once. Again.
Or hug her.
You don’t know. All you know is that you missed her. And although she looked much older than you remembered her to be - so are you - you still remembered looking at her eyes all those years ago. At the locker room. During classes. At the carnival. At the mall. In your childhood room. The street two blocks away from her house.
Emily stood up, eye level with yours, as if she read your mind. She leaned forward. Your lips now close to hers that you can feel her take a breath. She waited for you to pull away or to ran to your room but you didn’t. The next thing you know was Emily closing the gap between both of your lips.
The kiss was soft. Like the first time when you were two young girls at the locker room the first time she told you that she loves you. Yet, it was also intoxicating, exciting. You felt a jolt of electricity running through your whole body.
The kiss was also quick. It was done before you know it.
Emily flashed a smile. “I’d like to do that again.”
“Me too,” You mentally kicked yourself at how quick you responded to that.
“Let me take you out on a date sometime.”
How can you say no to her?
The answer is you don’t.
“I’d like that, Em.”
“Friday? 10pm? I’ll pick you up?”
“It’s like you know my work schedule.”
“Lucky guess,” Emily smirked. “Let’s go before Penelope dies of excitement. She’s literally red and might combust.”
“Don’t worry, I’m here if she codes.” You share a laugh.
You couldn’t wait for Friday to come.
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elliesleftboob · 9 days
Text
maybe we have more in common than you think part 1
Warnings: more fluff and angst, but still 18+, cursing, dealer!ellie, mean!ellie, alcohol and weed usage.
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As a kid you always loved dinosaurs, always expressing your love for them as you showed your parents fun facts about the Spinosaurus, but as you got older you lost your passion for it after Ellie fucking Williams bullied you for a presentation you had done in Highschool- you never liked Ellie but you were friends with Dina, Jesse, and Cat so you forced yourself to like her...
-
"hey" your roommate Dina says to get your attention, taking out your headphones you turn your attention away from the computer sitting in front of you. "Watcha doinggggggg?" Her voice hyped up, you knew she wanted something, she was always like this when she wanted something from you.
"what do you want?" You look up at her with a slightly worried expression, you never knew with her- last time she asked you for something was to go pick Ellie up after she had a panic attack on weed and she couldn't drive, but you wanted to see what she wanted.
"wanna come to Jesse's tonight?" She moves closer to toy with your hair- you sigh, whenever Dina was going to Jesse's to smoke, Ellie was there.
"will Ellie be there?" Your tone soft and slightly tired of asking this question.
"yeah but! So will Cat and I promise we'll make sure that she doesn't bug you"
You groan loudly.
"c'mon, you've been studying all day" Dina grabs the pillow and slams it on your back making you giggle loudly. "Fine-"
"yes! I love you!"
"yeah, yeah, lemme get ready" You get up and shower- keeping your hair down as you put on your baggy jeans, just mentally preparing yourself for the horror it is to sit in the same room with Ellie- memories crawling back to when you were younger
1 year ago -
"why do you even bother?" Ellie says to you, you turn your attention away from your phone to look at her "what?" you chuckle nervously.
"I mean like, you, yourself. Why even bother with college? you don't do anything anyways, always in your room doing fuck all"
You look at her in shock
"And you like dinosaurs still it's fucking childish" she laughs, tears swelling in your eyes as you look at your phone, she always does this when you're alone with her you think to yourself- "I- uh" your voice cracks "you fucking crying?" she frowns, you excuse yourself to the bathroom as you cry and cry, you weren't sure how long you had been crying for but obviously it was a long time.
"can I come in?" a familiar voice says, knocking at the door, you sniffle and unlock the door- eyes red from crying, nose red, and face flushed "Oh sweetie" Dina says, pulling you into a big hug, you sobbed in her arms for a few minutes before regaining yourself and calming down-
"what happened?" she says, Ellie looking at you and shaking her head, you knew she didn't want you to say so you just look at Dina and stay silent "ellie" you whisper, only loud enough for Dina to hear.
The rest of the night was silent, it was filled with Dina screaming at Ellie and telling her to stop bullying you and to stop being a dick, you always appreciated Dina but you felt like a little kid who couldn't defend themselves.
Present day
Yet again you are alone with Ellie in Jesse's living room when Dina went to get food with Jesse...
The silence was so loud
silence
silence
"you smoke?" Ellie says, trying to break the tension 'no' you quietly reply back.
"if you were wanna smoke, let me know" she looks at you "Ellie, what are you trying to do? If you want to bully me again just fucking say that instead of playing nice"
"I'm not, I'm trying to be nice Jesus" She lights her joint and you cover your nose as the smell of weed hits your nose-
more silence
Dina: sorry, it's taking so long- will be home in 15, everything going good with Ellie?
You: ya, she's tryna start a convo with me lol idk what to say
you turn your phone off and turn to Ellie, a very stoned Ellie who is looking at the lava lamp.
"you good?" you ask and she just laughs "yeah, man. I'm good"
you bite the inside of your cheek and nod, she turns her attention to you.
"Dinosaurs are cool man... I don't think i ever told you that shit" you giggle "what?"
"The Spinosaurus, that shit is sick! What's your favorite Dinosaur?"
this was unexpected, was it the weed? Maybe she wasn't a total bitch- but it's Ellie, too good to be true
"Uh, I'd say Stegosaurus or Triceratops, they're peaceful creatures- they mean no harm" you smile at Ellie and she moves closer, she's funny when she's high.
"I like the indoraptor" she blurts out, you frown "they are cool, dope as shit"
"that's.. Not a real dino els, it's a hybrid"
"the fuck is a hybrid?"
"I assume you watched Jurassic world part 1,2 and 3?" she nods "It's a hybrid of the Indominus rex and velociraptor genome" she nods even more, "interesting" she's lost in thought, you roll your eyes and chuckle.
"what's your number?" Ellie mumbles, the shock on your face, makes her blush slightly "pardon me?"
"What is your number" she says more clearly.... You think about it some more and give her your number- and that's how you started hanging out, she would come over to yours whenever Dina wasn't around or you'd go to hers when Jesse wasn't there- you'd watch her get high and play video games, just enjoying herself, you'd gossip about everything, for fuck sakes you even found out how much she loved Dinosaurs and talked to her about that or she'd ramble on about astrology, it felt like she was truly your friend until one night when Cat, Abby, Dina, Jesse, you and herself where all hanging out and Dina brought it up and Ellie denied it, you pulled her aside to talk to her.
"Ellie what the fuck?" she chuckles slightly as you manage to push her to the wall, obviously angry, she puts her hands on your shoulders to make you feel smaller "not like we were ever friends"
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a:n, sorry it's so short! It's my first time writing in this fandom! Lmk if you want a part 2
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oikasugayama · 5 months
Note
Hihihi! Can I please please please request BSD men with an older fem! s/o? Especially Dazai, Kunikida, Sigma and Fyodor but feel free to add more! I have this very distinct convo in my head that I can’t stop thinking abt and it goes smth like this:
~
*Dazai doing his usual women flirting, holding your hand and staring up at you with sparkling doe eyes and rosy cheeks*
Reader: “Oh, I’m truly flattered, darling, but it’s just that a boy like yourself…you’re just a bit too young for me.”
Dazai: “Young? Well, my dear belladonna, I don’t under-“
Reader: “I’m 43, honey.”
*He is visibly surprised, mouth forming an ‘o’ shape and eyes widening before he recovers, a charming smile slipping on once more.*
Dazai: “Well then, ma’am, I must say that you aged like a fine wine because you don’t look a day over twenty-one! I know that I’m probably inexperienced compared to you, but at least give me a chance to prove myself!”
~
Idk man, I just need BSD men with an older woman, who is mature and elegant and maternal and experienced.
i cringe so hard every time someone writes dazai saying b****d**** to his partner 🤢 sorry anon, it had to be said.
Dazai's is smutty, Kunikida's is fluffy.
Dazai likes the mature look, he likes the well-developed body, he likes the attitude and casual confidence that comes with an older woman. a hint of gray at the edge of a woman's bangs makes him start the chase. he looooves gentle aging on the face, thinks mature women are so beautiful.
he definitely chases them for short relationships, nothing serious. he'd like to take them out, spend some time being a young little shit and flirting his balls off, only to turn into putty in the older woman's hands when she suggests he come back to her place, because he's so young and must have a roommate, so they'd have more privacy at her place ;)
he tires to take the lead, but he usually inevitably lets the older woman tell him what to do because he wants to do exactly what she wants. of course the woman is usually pleased to know such a good looking younger man is so attracted to her, and of course she wants that hot man on top of her, but with her age comes experience and she's gonna make sure they both have an excellent time when he gives her the reins.
dazai likes the most when his partner takes her shirt and bra off and her boobs lower and naturally hang. he likes playing with them, sucking on them, especially when the woman runs her hand through his hair and holds him. if he has a complex because he didn't know his mother, no he doesn't. don't talk about it. while in this position one woman says to him "drink up baby, don't you like mommy's titties?" and it makes his dick throbbbbb.
from then on he realizes he likes calling women mommy in bed more than he likes being called daddy. he wants a hot mommy to play with, he wants to get pussy drunk, thrusting desperately and rapidly, chanting/moaning "mommy, mommy, mommy," while she tells him he's a good boy and he can cum in her pussy whenever he's ready.
Meanwhile, Kunikida...
His ideal woman is older than him. obviously he gives up most of his ideals after his coworkers make fun of it and tell him it's unrealistic and honestly kind of disrespectful to women, but one thing he knows for sure: he just prefers older women. he thinks they're beautiful, he loves how intelligent and experienced they are, he loves when they give him advice on things they've experienced already that he's only going through for the first time, he loves how confident they are, he loves that they're independent, he honestly can't think of a thing he doesn't find appealing about an older woman.
when he's ready to date, he specifically approaches mature looking women. he gets to know several, dates around for a short while, but relatively soon he finds The One. She's beautiful, she's intelligent and kind, she's independent but enjoys having his company.
They get serious quickly and within a year they've decided to move in together to save on costs, so he moves into her home. he enjoys waking up to her and having another presence in his home. it's very comforting and something he missed after moving out of his family home and into the ADA dorm.
he's SO proud walking around town holding his partner's hand. he isnt very fond of PDA and it isn't the most acceptable thing, but a simple hand-hold is enough to show that they're partners in a fairly subtle way.
kunikida isn't ashamed at all if/when someone asks if they're related rather than dating; he always very politely says they're partners and deflects any further conversation.
he will NOT take shit from his coworkers about his partner. he tells them off so harshly the first time they try that even dazai doesn't make jokes about the age difference anymore, unless he's drunk like at the ADA holiday party when he called kunikida's partner a MILF right to her face, making her toss her head back and laugh. she didn't mind, so kunikida let it slide.
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