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a-smile-hides · 3 years

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A WARM CUP OF COFFEE - A.H.A.

Pairing: Alex x reader

Warnings: none, just ... not really - that great?

Sum: This was a request (thank you for that!) and I would like to apologize because it took so long and.. Yeah. The request:

"Hi 🥰 do you still take request for Alex Andersen? Something like the OC is alex teacher at university and they fall in love with each other but the age gap is a problem so she broke up with him but BOOM they really love each other!! With some fighting and fluffy 🤤🥲hahah sorry if its bad 🥰 thank you!"

A soft ‘thing’alerted the old man behind the desk, making him look up from today’s newspaper and push his glasses further back on his nose. The small café he owned was somewhat concealed from the busy streets, tucked away in between two large buildings. It created the perfect escape for the chaos of life. Oh, how he was proud to own this little palace. A simple, ‘back to basics’ coffee shop where people could enjoy a good cup of coffee. Where people could talk or just relax, or in your case, find some inspiration to prepare for a new class.

Returning his friendly smile, you easily manoeuvred between the mismatched tables and chairs until you reached the one next to a small window. As usual, a silver sign stood on the table reading ‘reserved’ in a beautiful font. And as usual, you plopped down on the chair that gave you a look out on the street, sliding the sign to the end of the table so that it could be picked up by one of the staff members. Throwing a notebook and different prints out on the table, you breathed in deeply.

It had been a long day already... And it was like... what? – 11 a.m.?

“There you go, honey.”

Without even looking up you already knew who stood next to your side, presenting a large cup of coffee with one of those delicious self-made biscuits.

“Jer, I can’t thank you enough”.

The man laughed, seemingly pleased with himself after seeing the frown on your eyebrows clear up for a second. He waved your gratitude off and returned to his kitchen.

He had grown used to your visits over time. It wasn’t hard to miss you, sitting stressed in the corner of his little café, browsing through pictures and notes trying to decide which was the best one.

It hurt him every time he saw a lost soul enter his little café, in a rush and completely lost to the world around them. In you, he saw one of those lost souls. Busy, busy, busy... Overloading themselves with work.

It seemed as today would bring no exception. And you once again would ignore the beauty and comfort his café hoped to give to its customers. Especially when he saw you fiddling with a large package, no doubt filled to the brim with new photos for a possible lecture, he knew you only came here to work even more. Sighing, the old man turned around, reaching towards the different treats and cakes his little shop offered. He knew you would be there for a while and figured that the need for sweets may come soon. In the background, he could hear the familiar sound of your papers falling onto the ground. Accompanied by some swear words, immediately followed by mumbled apologies. And he could not hold himself back as a laugh passed his lips. It became a routine really...

Still chuckling, he turned around and placed a large piece of cake on a plate, decorating it with an extra piece of dark chocolate. The sound of someone entering his café made him look up momentarily, greeting the young man who just entered with his signature smile. The young man returned his smile warmly, before letting his eyes wander over the place. He had clearly never been in here before. His eyes narrowed once he focused on something in the back of the café, furrowing his eyebrows in worry. Skilfully, he walked between the tables and chairs as if he had decorated the place himself. To a small table next to the big window, where you were still mumbling under your breath about how life seemed to hate your guts. And it made the young man chuckle. Loudly.

Freezing for a second, you immediately collected all the pictures that had fallen off the table, carelessly throwing them back on the table. Refusing to meet the eye of whoever found enjoyment in your clumsiness, you side stepped back to your table. Hoping and praying that they would just go away. But they stayed.

“It’s good to see you’re still as clumsy...”

It was a good thing you were leaning against the table, otherwise you would have been knocked to ground right now.

“Mister Anderssen.” You nodded your head.

The young man pressed his lips together in a tight smile at the greeting, feeling a sting in his heart that he believed to have been long gone by now.

The long silence that followed felt dense and awkward. He was trying to make eye contact, his lips were turned up in a little, comforting smile. He did not know what to say or feel as he looked at how your body seemed to turn away from him. Your arms were wrapped around your middle, your eyes glued to the pictures on the table without truly looking at them. And then, his gaze fell on the smallest amongst them. He could recognize that gloomy setting from anywhere. His heart jumped, he felt overjoyed and the smile on his face grew larger.

“You kept it?” He breathed out, making it sound more like a question.

Slowly, he crouched down, careful not to make you run away. As he took the card from under one of the chairs, brushing some dust of it. Looking up, he waved with the picture he once offered you to use in your classes.

Nodding to himself, he kept his eyes locked with yours as he slowly came up. “You kept it.”

“I did” You spoke out softly.

***

“Fuck”

The curse had left your mouth before you could hold it back, as you watch yet another one of your cards fall on the ground.

It was good that none of your students had the habit of arriving in time for your class. Choosing to rather arrive just in time for the lecture to begin instead of showing some interest and being there before it began. Otherwise, they could enjoy this little comedy show as you desperately tried to stick those cards on a timeline.

You had never thought that one day, you would stand in front of class, as a teacher. Talking about something that had been a passion for so many years. Movies are a piece of art, a way to express and communicate. And now, you had the power to let others see that as well.

And even thought the path of being a teacher had crossed yours rather unexpectedly, it had made you happier than you’ve ever been.

And it had let you to some beautiful and interesting moments.

Looking down at the picture in your hands, a warm feeling overcame you, painting a very small smile on your face. It was a simple photo of a man standing alone in the street. The sky was pitch black; the only light provided by a single streetlight on the far right. The yellow light cast dark shadows on the ground. And on the left, almost completely hidden in the shadows, you could see the silhouette of another man. His back was turned to the man he had left behind under the streetlight. And thus, he missed how the other reached his hand out in a desperate attempt to call him back.

Every year you would collect pictures to show off how a simple setting can bring out different emotions to an audience. This scene would often bring feelings of sadness, grief, loss, misery and heartbreak to your students. Ironically, this scene brought you only a warm feeling. The beauty of the shot together with the memory of how you had come across this movie, cancelled out those unhappy emotions.

Completely lost in the moment, you almost jumped up when two hands sneaked around your hips.

“Morning”

His voice was raspy as he failed to conceal the chuckle that passed his lips.

“Morning, mister Anderssen”

He laughed, rubbing his nose in the crook of your neck. He found it almost amusing how you spoke so formerly to him now when at night...

“Mister?”

You rolled your eyes, fighting your way out of his grip. Without giving one look to the young man behind you, you picked up the card that fell out of your hands. Looking down at it again, you sighed and returned to your desk. The classroom needed to be ready before the students would arrive.

“I thought we made an agreement; you would not visit me this early to avoid suspicion, right?”

Alex smacked his lips, nodding his head slowly. He played with the straps of his backpack as his mind brought him back to that memory. It was around three weeks ago; you were collecting everything to go home after a long day when the young man suddenly sneaked in to share some ‘alone time’. Sadly enough, another student had forgotten her scarf that day and ran back to retrieve it. Even though you tried your hardest to not succumb to his advances, his willpower was way too strong. And the poor girl had almost walked in on you and him kissing. He had pushed his luck too far that time.

Still, if he could, he would not take that moment back. Every second spend with you was worth it.

“It’s nice to see you still like that picture...” He said, pointing to the card in an attempt to effort to change the subject. “After you told me what subjects we would discuss in the future, I immediately thought of that movie and-”

Alex’ voice died once your eyes met his. He was always the first to enter your classroom. In those moments you always could be yourselves. There was no reason to hold back. In that way, these few minutes of privacy would always be filled with love and jokes, stolen kisses and hugs. He couldn’t really recall the precise moment his dream came true, and you returned his affection. The way to earn it had been long and filled with obstacles. The boundaries that needed to be crossed were great. And it felt unlawful, disgusting, wrong... And still, so right.

Now, as he stood only a few feet away from you, it felt like a mile. Your eyes danced across the room, only meeting his for a mere second before quickly darting away again. Your hands brushed some imaginary dust of the picture, while you tried your hardest to breath normally. Little signs of how the nerves started to creep up.

“If you want other recommendations...” He tried, but again... The strength in his voice died before he even finished his sentence. Alex grew concerned as he watched you turn around and hung up the card. The whole thread portraying different scenery throughout film history over the last 50 years shook as you clumsily pined it next to a very bright photo, depicting two children running around at a fair.

Alex frowned when you still did not respond to him. Softly, he moved his hands to rest on your shoulders, trying to turn your body towards him. His head was lowered down a bit, a friendly look on his face as he shakily asked: “What’s on your mind?”. Hoping that whatever bothered you, he could help you solve it.

You didn’t need to see his face to know how his eyebrows were scrunched up with concern. Or how his mouth was slightly twisted as he pondered over who or what could have made you behave so coldly.

But the reason was crystal clear to you.

The adoration you had received from the man in front of you was overwhelming. These past months have been a dream. Almost indescribable. Just as all those sappy quotes on Pinterest say: some things just need to be felt. And this, this felt great.

It had been great.

Felt.

Had.

You bite your lip, feeling nervous all the sudden. Turning around, you tried your best to avoid his blue eyes. They were hypnotizing, demanding for a reason, an explanation.

“Mister Anderssen-” You started again.

“You know, we never did that kind of play, but I am open to anything.” He tried. His attempt to lighten the mood was only met with silence. A silence that felt deafening. And it made his stomach turn.

With his finger and thumb, he slowly lifted your chin up, forcing you to meet his eye. He was a bit taller than you, and he loved that. He used it to his advantage on every occasion he got.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked again.

You sighed, feeling it was better to speak the truth. “This.” You answered, “Us.”

Alex lifted one of his eyebrows, scratching the back of his neck. “Us? What's wrong with us?”

“You’re smart, Alex.” You answered. “Deep down, you know.”

Alex eyes widened. He was speechless, dumbfounded.

“I am a teacher, your teacher to be exact.”

“And you’ve been teaching me amazing things.” He snickered, wiggling his eyebrows.

You snorted, shaking your head. Until you remembered what you wanted to share with him, and your face went blank again. It was almost impossible to not give in, to hold back your laughter when he was around. But you had to.

“Alex.” You said, pushing him lightly away. “The age gap is way too big.”

His hands tightened their grip on your hips as he turned your body more towards him. His eyes narrowed. And although they still sparkled, the hurt he felt could not be hid. The time he could hold back secrets had long passed.

“What made you start doubting us?” He asked.

You sighed, looking down at the ground.

“What if I said... What if the doubt never left? What if it was a thought that always bugged me?”

That made him halter. His muscles stiffened for a second. A millisecond in which he let the guard down and his pain became visible. But just as quick as it fell, the wall was back up again. He stood upright, the hands on your hips now slowly making their way up towards your shoulders. The corner of his lips was pulled up, a fine grin that silently asked you to laugh or say it was just a joke. That it wasn’t the truth.

Alas, it was the truth.

The lingering thought that had been filling your mind with doubts and questions for a while now. Making you question yourself and your choices, but above all, the day on which you gave into his charm.

He was a young, handsome man filled with life and chances. He was almost at the end of the first big chapter in his life, ready to begin a new one, to step into an adventure. After this... Did he want to work somewhere? Move back in with his parents? Maybe he wanted to travel? See the world after being closed off from it after keeping his nose in his books all the time. He could explore, try to discover who he really was. And... Fall in love with someone else. Someone … more of… his age.

How could you hold him back from that?

His thumbs started to stroke small circles of comfort on your neck, while he kept on trying to make eye contact with you. With each passing second, he felt himself grow more uneasy and lost.

“Little one... Love.” Alex winced as he saw you flinch with each nickname that passed his lips. His voice pitched and he sounded in a rush, as he wanted to find a way to ease those doubts. “Y/N, what...?”

The corner of your lip twitched in a weak effort in making a smile appear on your face. It failed horribly, as you felt yourself get overwhelmed by guilt and sorrow. “We have to stop this now, Alex.” You managed to make out. “It’s done.”

In the back of the room, he could hear the slow ticking of the big silvery clock. It was only five minutes until the lecture would begin. Any time now, someone could enter the room and walk in on their teacher standing in a, what they would think, romantic embrace with her own student. It only made you more nervous and desperate to get out of his hold. To just say goodbye. To leave this all behind and start new.

Alex squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head widely. “The age gap is just a number, not even a high one. You want me as much as I want you, right?”

“I do- I- I did. And now, I am ending it.” You said, biting the inside of your cheek to stop the stinging feeling in your eyes. “I am letting you go.” you whispered, finally pushing his arms away.

Alex breathed in deeply, stepping forward as you took a step back. Again, and again, you shoved his hands away. He tried to make contact, to touch your arms, to hold your hands, but every time you slapped his hand away. And his heart broke as you kept on avoiding him. He grew frustrated.

“What do you want, Y/N? Since when are you afraid? So, what if they say something? We- We are the ones in love! They-”

“Alex! It’s done! I don’t want this anymore. I don't want- I-”

At this point, he felt the blood in his veins boiling. His heart clenched. His stomach turned. “So, we-this meant nothing to you?”

“That’s a low blow, Alex” You bit back.

“What do you want, Y/N?!”

“I don’t want this. I don’t want you anymore, Alex! This is done! Over!”

He scoffed, his fists clenched at his sides while his chest went up and down with every heavy breath.

“Over? Why are you acting like this? When have you turned into this scarred shell of-”

“I don’t care if you don’t see the problem. Someday you will. And you will understand I made the right call.”

The clearing of a throat ended the discussion sooner than Alex would have wanted. Another student had entered the classroom. Her eyes were wide open as she stared at her teacher and the class top student. Her mouth was slightly open as she tried to form a sentence, but no sound seemed to pass her lips.

You swallowed, quickly wiping a fallen tear off your cheek, stepping even further away from Alex, whose eyes were still glued to you.

“Good afternoon, miss Tuffin. Please take a seat.”

Alex slightly shook his head from side to side, unable to comprehend the situation.

“So, mister Anderssen. Now that you know your answer, please take a seat.” You said quietly, flinching as your voice cracked a bit. Your eyes did not meet his anymore, even though he was hoping you would look him in the eyes again. He knew deep down you did not mean one word of the things you had said. "Class will begin soon.”

***

The silence that had formed was killing the both of you. No one knew what to say or do. The awkward tension held him back from taking the first step, the fear mixed with the embarrassment from a few moments earlier made it impossible for you to move. It felt strange to be in each other’s presence without having the ability to look each other in the eye for longer than a few seconds. And even stranger to know how different this was only a few months back. You had resorted to dust off the pictures that had fallen onto the ground while Alex let his eyes wander around. He did not know what overcame him as he walked up to you. The little café had never come to his attention before. He blamed the big buildings that flanked the warm place for that. As he stepped in, looking for a place to enjoy a good cup of coffee, he wished he had discovered it a long time ago. The mismatched tables and chairs, the hanging lightbulbs, the old paintings decorating the flower wallpaper… Everything breathed out comfort and safety.

The older looking man had greeted Alex with a warming smile, until both men were distracted by the loud curses of a woman in the far back of the café who had dropped her papers all over the floor. Alex did not know whether to laugh or run away when he saw that you were the poor soul collecting all the different photos of the ground. And before he even knew it himself, he stood in front of you. Trying his best to make a casual conversation, without losing his cool.

He was failing miserably.

He really wished the sudden urge of confidence hadn’t left so suddenly.

Jeremy frowned upon the sight in front of him from his place behind the counter. The large piece of cake he had prepared for you earlier stood abandoned next to him. He had never seen that young man in your presence before. Every day you visited his little café alone. Never were you accompanied by a friend, nor had you ever invited one. He could not help the chuckle that passed his lips as he saw the strange boy fumble his way towards your table. But by the way his steps slowed down with each second and how he now stood before you as if he had committed a crime, the old man could not help but wonder what your relationship had damaged to become so uncomfortable.

“Y/N…” Alex started, sighing as he noticed you close your eyes for a second, turning your body slightly away from him.

“Y/N.” He tried again; his voice sounded a bit stronger, more certain. As if he had found his courage and willpower again. But then it crumpled again, his shoulders dropped as he frantically tried to make eye contact. “I am happy to see you again.”

This made you look up. “Me too.” You nodded. “How are you?”

Alex snorted, looking around the café as he tried to find words. Why had it become difficult to speak to you? “Good?” He nodded, more to convince himself than you, “Yeah, I have been good. Taking pictures, trying to improve my photography-“

This made you laugh, the sound making his heart jump for a second. “As if you needed any more improvement.”

Alex bit his lip, glad that you weren’t paying attention to his red flushing cheeks. He breathed out deeply as he looked down at the different cards. His eyes glided over the different pictures depicting scenes of romance, hope, grief and so on. Without saying anything, he sat down, flipping through them one by one. Some of the pictures made the corners of his lips slowly turn up, while others made his brows furrow.

This gave you the opportunity to finally take a look at him. His hair had gotten longer since the last time you saw him. Back then it was cut short, but now his long locks were held together in a little man bun. His jaw was accented by a subtle beard. It’s crazy how much he changed in a few months time… Yet he still looked as dashing as back then.

“I still think this one is the best.” He smiled, showing you the gloomy picture from earlier.

His words made you snap out of your daze, clearing your throat as you took a seat opposite from him after he arched one eyebrow, pointing to the empty chair.

“That’s a shocker,” you shrugged, “You came to me with that movie.”

Alex nodded, the confident smile on his lips reached his eyes for the first time, making them shine bright. However, that light quickly died. Absent-mindedly, he let his finger wander over the picture, contemplating if he should speak up about the shared past or not.

“I… I knew we would meet again, you know? Well, I hoped”

You looked down at your coffee, once again escaping his eyes while wrapping your hands around the lukewarm beverage. It didn’t offer you much comfort anymore.

“Now that I am older,” He lightly joked, “More mature, more-“

“Alex” You interrupted his train of thoughts. “Don’t- Don’t do that.”

“Maybe now you can give me the real reason as to why you gave up on us so easily.” He continued, his voice was low, almost a whisper but the sneer in it could not be ignored. All of the sudden, it felt as if you were on the artic. The blood in your veins ran cold as he had backed you up in a corner. Alex knew he could have pushed you even further away from him, but simply needed to know. The young man sat there before you with his heart beating loudly in his throat. His jaw was clenched, and his fingers lightly drummed on the table.

You sighed, not daring to look into his eyes. Before you even opened your mouth to answer his burning question, he softly spoke up again. “The truth, please.”

You laughed dryly, now really feeling trapped under his demanding stare and the growing tension between the two of you. “I did not want to.” You confessed, feeling your eyes well up. “I really… I really loved you, you know? The time I shared with you was wonderful, and I want you to know that it wasn’t your fault or anything… I just let myself get carried away by my feeling for you, Alex.”

“And why is that a bad thing?” He asked, not understanding your motive.

You grinned, looking at his confused face. “I was your teacher, Alex. We had this conversation before, I wasn’t-“

His hand immediately flew towards your hand, making you fall quiet. “So what? I never cared. Not then, not now. I am no longer your student, there is no reason anymore to hold back anymore.”

You snorted; he would never change. He would always be this cocky little brat and-

“Wait. What do you mean… ‘no reason to hold back anymore’?”

He grinned, squeezing your hand a bit. “I always hoped we could meet again, so I could tell you should not be afraid of our relationship anymore. Or your feelings. Or… us. Don’t say anything because I know that fear held you back. We can be together, Y/N! Please, just-just leave behind your doubts for once. Don’t give a fuck about other people!” He said, his voice becoming louder with each word, growing with passion. “Put yourself first…” His face sprouted a smile, but it was not one of happiness or relief, no, it was because he felt helpless. He could feel you slipping right through his fingers again as he saw you shaking your head. He saw the doubts written all over your face. The questions rummaging through your mind. Was he being truthful? Was it unethical? Could you just start over again and continue this relationship? Was it worth the risk? “Just, choose with your heart for once. You know my feelings for you, but I am waiting for you.”

His words warmed your heart and made the corners of your lips turn upwards slightly. The worries clouding your minds made it hard to really focus on his words, still… You could no longer deny how he made you feel deep down.

As you licked your lips, the both of you suddenly got shaken out of your little bubble by a friendly voice complimenting the handsome man in front of you.

“My dear boy, you could not have a better timing. She really needs someone to make her laugh and escape that world of hers full of work and deadlines she dares to call a life.” Jeremy laughed, waving off your shocked expression, knowing you were about to contradict him. “You both need each other, children.” He paused, placing down two cups of coffee, accompanied with two large slices of one of his famous cakes. “Listen to an old man’s wise words.” Without any further words, and still ignoring your shocked face and Alex’ gestures that he had not ordered anything yet, he left the table to go back to his counter.

From there, he watched how you both broke into a fit of laughter, figuring it was better to enjoy the food and drinks than let them spoil. As Alex shrugged his shoulders and took a careful first bite of the pie, you took a first sip of your new and cup of coffee, never breaking eye contact with him. And… it felt good.

The old man behind the counter watched proudly as the two of you slowly picked up a conversation, sharing what you had been up to these past months to the finest details. The words suddenly came easily and talking felt comfortable again. Laughs, giggles, and loud exclaims of shock and delight were audible throughout the whole café, often making the other customers look up from their spot in the far back of the café. But you couldn’t be bothered by them. No, you were far off in your bubble. A bubble that was warm and joyful, filled with light and love now that Alex was in it.

And as the hours passed and the second slice of pie had been devoured, Jeremy’s heart filled with joy as he saw how your hand was still in the hands of that handsome boy.

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed! xxx

#alex hogh andersen imagines #alex hogh andersen imagine #alex andersen imagine #alex andersen imagines #alex hogh andersen x reader #alex x reader #vikings imagines #vikings request #alex andersen request #alex høgh andersen #alex høgh #ivar the boneless #vikings season 6 #i am still alive

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yoonpobs · 3 years

Text

to the touch | pjm

pairing: park jimin x oc (ft. brother yoongi)

genre: mutual pining, fluff, cute crushes, brothers best friend

warnings: JIMIN that's it

words: 5, 216

summary: he's back

“You’re … you’re here?” You squeak and it’s not one of your best moments even if you were sure Yoongi would argue otherwise and that you rarely had average moments, to begin with. But there was something about spontaneity and surprise that threw you off in the worst way possible and made your brain short-circuit to the point where you’re unable to throw coherent thoughts together. And this was definitely a surprise, one that you’d never expected to happen because—

“I am,” Jimin says curtly, tossing you a firm nod of his head when he pushes you aside and steps into your apartment like he’s been year a thousand times. But in reality, it’s his first time standing at your doorstep, first time knocking on your door, and definitely the first step he’s ever had the chance to get a glimpse of how your living room looks like.

You’re still gaping at the entrance with the door open and you’re sure if any of your neighbors were to step out of their homes, they’d just see a lone girl outside that looked a little too unnerved to bother. When you snap out of it and turn your body to face your visitor, he’s already made himself comfortable on your couch and it’s hard to piece together the fact that Jimin was quite in fact in your living room, and lounging on your couch, staring at your television like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“W-What—how?” You croak because there are about ten million different thoughts running through your head but the most pressing one is how Jimin looked … different.

A good difference, for sure. He’s always been handsome and unreasonably so. Especially with the way that he’s dyed his hair back to black and the gentle fluff of how it lays atop his head. You note that he still kept his style despite him going MIA for three years and wore slacks that shaped his legs (and butt) beautifully with a casual shirt tucked into the waistband of his pants. It was unfair how effortlessly good-looking he was on a spontaneous occasion while you looked anything but, especially with your sweats and old tank top.

But Jimin had always been a little hard to read. Terrifying and brassy all at once but never obstructive—although you’d argue that his presence was the obstruction as it is of how distracted you feel whenever he was around you years ago. It’s like you never learned how to accommodate his presence because he happened to fill every space with just his body even if he wasn’t that tall.

“I thought I’d pay a visit. Your brother gave me your address.” He says, finally turning his head to face you, and its still blank like every expression you remember made towards you. You expected nothing more or nothing less than the way he stares you over and makes you feel like the outsider in your own home.

“Yoongi …” You grit, cursing your brother mentally and hoping he’d make use of that stupid sibling telepathy power he claims he has to receive your gripe.

You clear your throat as you awkwardly shuffle closer towards the couch and hover awkwardly by the arm of the sofa to keep your distance. It’s been years and it’s still a little unfamiliar to see Jimin right in front of you, and not someone you kept at the back of your mind.

“You could’ve called …” You say softly while fiddling with your thumbs. Jimin just raises an eyebrow at you and you feel stupid for saying that already.

Some things don’t change and it’s proven when your heart still beats the same when he’s around you. You cursed at yourself for being weak-willed because you thought time would help you get over your silly crush on Jimin but you also long acknowledged the fact that it wasn’t just a crush. It was more.

You hated falling for the cliches of crushing on your brother’s best friend, especially one that was just emotionally reserved and detached ninety percent of the time. The only conversations you remember having with Jimin were the ones that you were blushing at him when he looked at you a little longer than usual, or when he drove you to and from school when Yoongi left for university.

But then he disappeared, without saying goodbye and you only found out from his parents that he got into a dance program abroad and packed his things and left. Obviously, twenty-year-old you was devastated because you somehow convinced yourself that he enjoyed your presence even if he was huffing and puffing every five minutes when you’d fall into a ramble of your own.

He changed his number and he wasn’t a social media person so you had no idea what he was doing or how he was, besides the occasional mention of his name in conversations you had with your brother. It sucked. Majorly. Because you really liked him even if he was cold because you knew that Jimin was a good person. A cold and shitty person wouldn’t pat you on your head before your wisdom teeth extraction and mumble it’s okay if he wasn’t kind.

“The place is nice.” He ignores your statement and glances around your apartment and you feel smaller. You do feel a little relieved that he approved of the place, and you did spend hours browsing through catalogues and going through roommates until you decided that this was perfect. Granted, it was a little pricey but you valued comfort and a decent workplace to really get you motivated.

“Thank you.” You mumble, still shifting on the balls of your feet and Jimin just raises an eyebrow at your impersonal stance. You know he wouldn’t point it out because he wasn’t that kind of guy, but his face often spoke for him so you swallowed all the concerns you had and took a seat at the edge of the sofa, as far away from him as possible.

“Do you live alone?” He asks. You’re about to respond but he doesn’t let you.

“It’s dangerous if you do. Do you really just answer the door for anyone without checking who it is? You’ll get yourself into some serious trouble if you aren’t careful.” He chides you.

You want to scoff at him because you were an adult and you’ve learnt a few things along the road to adulthood. Jimin was always a little on edge most of the time and you knew he was just bad at expressing his emotions so you never faulted him for it. But now, you were a little older and not as naive—but unfortunately still very much into him.

“God Jimin, it’s fine—”

The door opens and both your heads immediately turn to the source, and Jimin is sharp with his movements and you try to not allow your heart to flutter when he tugs you closer to him and hides your body with his own as if he thought it was an intruder. But you knew better, so you knew it was—

“Tae. You’re back early.” You greet your roommate who only eyes the man on the couch who has you situated behind him like he was your personal shield. His bag is tugged over his shoulder and you see a few of his art supplies threatening to fall out so you hop off the couch to help him with his belongings, and Jimin’s gaze just burns harder onto the back of your skull.

When you’re close enough, Taehyung leans in and gives a brief glance over at Jimin who is still piercing him with a fierce gaze.

“Why is your booty call staring at me like I’ve murdered ten kittens?” Taehyung whisper yells and you glare at him, pinching his hip because just because he thought he was being quiet didn’t mean that he could easily get rid of his naturally loud voice.

“That is not my booty call!” You respond equally as agitated, “That’s … Jimin.”

Taehyung’s eyes bulge out of his socket when he looks over your shoulder once more to still see Jimin glaring at the two of you.

“Why is he so fucking scary? You said he was nice!” Taehyung hisses.

“He is nice!” You weakly defend, “He’s just … scary looking?”

You know it doesn’t convince Taehyung because he’s sighing and dropping his belongings to the floor, offering Jimin as sincere of a smile as he can muster even though you’re fully aware that he’s terrified of the man on your living room couch.

“Hi! I didn’t know _____ was having guests over. I’m Taehyung.” He smiles brightly at said guest but Jimin just blinks at his cordiality and then looks over to you.

“Is he your boyfriend?” The question throws you off guard and you can tell that Taehyung even more terrified when Jimin completely ignores his presence even though he was the tallest person in the room.

You splutter for a response even if the answer to that was obvious. But Jimin had a shitty way of interrogating people, even if it probably would work in legal settings because he was just terrifying enough for you to stumble over your words and make you look guiltier than you were.

“Unfortunately not.” Taehyung thinks he’s saving you when he lightly jokes with Jimin. And you want to facepalm because Jimin was aloof and impartial to everything, and had horrible skills of reading the room because you were sure that Jimin thought that Taehyung wanted to get in your pants.

“Tae, would you excuse us for a second?” You smile stiffly at Taehyung who is quick to oblige as he darts into his room.

Jimin now has his arms folded across his chest in a manner that makes him look more hostile, but you knew him well enough that you suppose he just had a lot of questions.

“Did you really have to be like that?” You ask irritably as Jimin scoffs at you.

“Please, do enlighten me. All I did was ask you a simple question, which you couldn’t even answer. What was that about?” Jimin responds equally as displeased but you had so many questions and you didn’t need to deal with his mini tantrum right now, especially between the walls of your own home.

“Don’t turn this on me! You turned up to my house unannounced after three years of no contact and you expect me to bend at your will? What do you take me for? A puppet?” You retaliate with petulancy and you can tell Jimin is slowly getting more annoyed by the second but won’t blow up just yet. Or probably because you had another person in the house.

“Am I not allowed to visit?” Jimin raises an eyebrow.

You scoff at his audacity because Jimin was seriously so bad at reading emotions. You weren’t even sure why you liked him but your heart never made reasonable decisions for you.

“We haven’t spoken in years, Jimin!” You throw your hands in the air, “I didn’t even know where you were or what you were doing because you disappeared like you were running away from a crime!”

“Did I need to update you on my whereabouts?” You know his question is genuine even though it was posed a little rough and you want to pull at your hair because obviously, you wanted to know! Jimin was the person you spent the most time with, outside of school, and one day he wasn’t anymore.

“Of course! I thought we were—I thought … why did you just disappear?” For some reason, it was hard to say that you and Jimin were friends either because the only reason why he’d ever tolerate you in the first place was that he was a good friend to Yoongi and you were just someone that came with it by association. He never outwardly said that he hated spending time with you but he never said he enjoyed it either.

Jimin raises an eyebrow and stands up, and you notice that he still towers over you. He walks towards you slowly, and you feel all the hotter under his intense scrutiny that you just want to retreat to your bedroom and forget this ever happened.

“You don’t need to know.” He says and you feel yourself deflate, “I wanted to visit because your brother’s worried about you.”

The confession just annoys you because you knew to a certain extent that Jimin wouldn’t be here from … wherever he was … if it was only for your brother. He had to give a shit somewhere deep down in him enough to make an effort to get your address from your brother, then turn up on your doorstep unannounced with his usual impassioned stare.

“Oh fuck off, will you? I’m not a little girl anymore. I can take care of myself.” You bite back.

Jimin shoots you an unimpressed stare at your snappishness and he won't lie and say that he was pleasantly surprised to see you after a long time. You were always pretty, in an unconventional way, he supposes. You never made an effort to look nice but just did with the way you approached life, even when you were younger. But now that you were standing in front of him with a bite that you didn't have when he left, he's intrigued.

"You weren't so rude before I left." He smirks at you.

His gaze also makes you burn and you avoid his eyes when it searches for yours. You hate that his tone makes you feel funny and that you wanted him to be a little mean.

"Yeah, well—that's what happens when you don't see someone after three years with no contact or notice. They change. They get a little annoyed because someone is just too emotionally constipated to ever make any effort to keep in touch." You narrow your eyes at him.

"Why are you throwing a hissy fit? Needed me to keep you company?" He prompts.

You flush but still glare at him.

"Whatever, Jimin. I just would've appreciated it if you called. Or at least have done something to let me know that you were alive." You mutter.

Somehow, he's managed to cage you in with his body against the back of the sofa, and your breath hitches when you feel his broad chest pressed on yours. You didn't realise it happened until he places his arms by your side, effectively leaving you with no room to leave. You gulp because this is the closest you've ever been to Jimin and you feel dizzy. He smells fresh like laundry and flowers. It's a huge juxtaposition to his demeanour, but he smells good and you want to nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck.

"Why would I? You're Yoongi's sister. Not my girlfriend." He smirks.

You huff and roll your eyes. The reminder stings a little and you know he's baiting you.

"So? Were we not at least friends?" You snap.

He wants to laugh because you're obviously annoyed at the casual way he referred to you as Yoongi's little sister. You're frowning but attempting to pretend that it didn't bother you.

Jimin would be lying if he said he was never interested. Because he was, undoubtedly so. But back then when you were still navigating your way at the beginning of adulthood with Yoongi constantly breathing down his neck, he would have never done anything to compromise his friendship with your brother; or lead you on. But now you were standing in front of him, soft and sweet with a little edge to you that draws him in.

"Do you usually have crushes on your friends?" He pushes.

Your eyes widen and snap up to look at his teasing expression. His smirk is apparent against the rest of his face and you feel absolutely mortified that he's so close to you when he called you out.

"W-What? A crush? I didn't have a crush on you!" You rebuff him with a stuttery voice and you weakly try to push him away.

But he locks you in position with his hands around your wrist as he leans down and crowds you further with his presence.

"You didn't?" He feigns hurt, then he pulls away abruptly and you're immediately chasing his warmth, "Shame. I would've liked that a lot."

You gape at him when he shuffles away, putting some distance between the two of you as he dusts his hands on his slacks, giving you a curt smile; one that never reached his eyes but that was still Jimin being friendly.

"Y-You what ...?" You squeak.

Jimin shrugs and walks towards your door and you're half-terrified and half-relieved at the prospect of him leaving. But you're more terrified because you don't know if you'll ever see him again and with your current interaction you don't think you'll ever get over him.

"Usually a cute girl crushing on me would be a huge ego boost ... but you didn't, so ..." He trails off.

You bite your lips as you play with your hands. You know he's teasing you and you didn't know when he's gotten so forward, or good at this game. But you suppose Jimin has always been charming too, even if he was bad at emotions. He was good at playing them. And the way he rakes his eyes over your body only to bite his lip makes you burn in want.

He's about to turn the knob of your door but you reach out to grab his wrist before your mind can tell you it's a bad idea.

"W-What if I ... what if I ..." You mumble, hands wrapped loosely around his wrist as he turns around, leaning against the door the way boys do that was super hot for no reason.

"Speak up, bunny."

The nickname only makes you blush harder because it reminded you of all the times he's ever called you that stupid childhood nickname that somehow followed you up until adulthood. But you had to admit the way that Jimin uses it makes you feel ...warm. Like you want him to call you bunny for whatever reason he does so.

"WhatifIdid ...?" You mutter quickly and softly that Jimin leans in to get a better listen, also prompting you to speak louder.

"Couldn't hear you." He sing-songs.

You grit your teeth and swallow your pride because even after three years, you were soft and pliant for Park Jimin even if he was hot to the touch. You just wanted to please him.

"What if I did?" You say a little louder, braver, with determined eyes, "What if I did have a crush on you?"

He grins at you in Jimin fashion that was still a little reserved but warm because you knew him. You knew that was what he wanted to hear. So, he rests his body against the door and gestures his finger in a come-hither motion to get you to step closer, which you oblige. It should've been offensive that he could summon you so easily, but Jimin was a lot of things but he would never take advantage of your passiveness.

"I don't know. What would you have done if I hadn't left? Play friends? Family maybe?" He teases.

You scrunch your nose at the prospect of playing family with him because you've heard that phrase way too many times. Your parents at one point kept on saying how you had two older brothers instead of one because Jimin was always there, but they were blissfully unaware of your crush and the way you'd frown at the suggestion.

"We would've hung out more ..." You mumble.

Jimin snorts but cocks his head for you to continue.

"What's the point of this?" You huff, shutting your eyes when you can feel his gaze on you.

"You tell me. You were the one with the crush."

You want to correct him and say am the one with the crush, but you bite your tongue.

"You're the one who wants to know." You respond with indignation.

He chuckles, low and deep before he tilts your chin upwards with his index finger.

"You're still a little girl, aren't you ______?" You think it's the first time Jimin has called your name the entire time he's been here and you almost whine with the sultry look he's giving you.

Jimin applauds his self-control because you were a sight to behold. Even if you were in sweats and a tank, with your glasses drooping slightly down your nose and tangled hair, you still were so appealing even if you didn't know. You looked comfortable, homey and it did make Jimin burn with an ugly monster to know that 'Tae' could see you like this daily.

"Am not." You growl, but he only thinks you look like an angry bunny.

"You are. You don't know how to ask for things, hm?" He hums, tracing a finger up your jaw to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

"I so do know how to ask for things that I want. I do it all the time." You retort petulantly like you had a point to prove but Jimin only chuckles darkly.

"Then what do you want right now?"

Jimin's question is expected but it also throws you off-guard.

"R-Right n-now?" You stutter.

He tuts as if he expected your bewildered and shocked expression.

"When else but now, bunny?" He whispers as his gaze has you locked in a trance when your eyes dart to his lips when he drags his tongue over it. You're entrapped in him because his mouth suddenly looked really inviting.

"I really wanna ..." You mumble, ears flushing a pretty shade of red and you lean into Jimin's hand when he cradles your cheek gently.

Jimin was capable of being gentle, even though he chose not to. But he never was, though there was something about you that made his territorial, made him want to fight. He didn't know when he started feeling this way but he supposed it was a flurry of emotions and the accumulation of the times he's spent with you throughout the years. Three years didn't do him justice and only made him think of you more. He knew he was hard to read, and frankly even harder to understand. Jimin also knew that you were fully aware of this fact. But that didn't deter you in trying to get to know him, to prick yourself against all his edges that were harder to accept.

You were sweet and naive, a type of person that Jimin would usually scoff at. But your one-dimensional and idealistic view of the world was fresh to him, even if that meant you were living in your head most of the time. It never took away from the fact that you were kind and understanding. The type of person that cracked all of Jimin's harshness made him want to try.

But it didn't mean he wasn't going to have his fun. He liked seeing you like this, gentle and warm, close to him as you look at him with a hazy expression.

"Wanna do what?" He prods, reaching his hand to the back of your hair to tug your face closer to his, but maintaining enough distance to prompt you to make the first move.

Jimin would do it. But he wanted to be sure that you wanted this, and not the idea of him. Sure, he was giving you hints and nudging you, but he also was aware of the fact that you'd never say or do anything that you didn't want. You were always clear-cut about this type of thing.

"You know ... that ... thing ..." You mumble, shifting on your feet as he glances down to your face.

You still looked unsure, but you leaned into his hold regardless, and Jimin took that as a good sign. You just need a little push.

"You know I'm not that bright. You need to tell me, bunny." He says gently.

You can't stop the small whimper in the back of your throat at the nickname and it's taking everything in Jimin's willpower to not take you against this wall. He would, but you deserved sweet things and he wanted to try be that for you.

"I ... I wanna ..." You whisper, "Wanna ... kiss you."

You clutch his t-shirt in his hands and when you glance up he's grinning widely as if he's won the lottery.

He nods his head ever so softly, and you take that as a cue to lean in.

When you do kiss him, you already feel your knees buckling because it's like everything you dreamed and more. Jimin was the right amount of assertive and gentle that makes you chase his mouth even if you were pressed up against him. He takes the lead eventually when his hand cups your jaw to angle your mouth deeper into his, and your body flush against his.

You feel like a teenager again having your first kiss, but it may as well be because you've always wondered what it was like to share your first kiss with Jimin back in high school.

"Is that all?" He whispers against your lips, but before you can respond—

"Oh fuck, I'm sorry!" You hear Taehyung squeak and that makes you pull away from Jimin, highly embarrassed to be caught making out with him against your door like a horny teenager.

You want to curse at Taehyung but he's already ducking into the kitchen before you can get any words out.

Jimin doesn't look affected, if anything, he looks pleased. The moment you shared a clear testament of who you belonged to and Jimin loved the fact of people knowing it was him.

When you look at Jimin, you're equally parts flushed from the kiss but giddy too. You give him a shy smile, and Jimin just chuckles lowly at your bashfulness.

"I'll see you around, ______," Jimin smirks at you when he reaches for the doorknob to leave. You follow him out, wanting a little more privacy even if it was in the hallway of your apartment complex.

When Jimin steps out and with you behind him, you swing on your feet as he observes your next actions. You clear your throat, even though you were confused and glad—because that was the closest thing you could get from Jimin that was affection so you'd take it.

"So ... what does this ..." You mumble, before shaking your head.

Jimin raises an eyebrow.

"What did I say about asking for what you want?" He berates you as if he was speaking to a child, but his tone is still curt and a little detached, but very like Jimin. You know that it's him and you like that anyways.

"Don't make me say it ... it's already embarrassing as it is ..." You whine, burying your head into his t-shirt.

Jimin welcomes the sudden closeness and pats you softly on the head. It's a little stiff because he still isn't used to physical affection that wasn't 'intimate', but he did say he would try for you.

"Again: I'm not that bright." He teases.

You roll your eyes, but then bite your lips when you see he's waiting for a response.

"... what does this mean for us?" You ask softly.

Jimin smiles at you and decides to grant you a gentle kiss to your forehead. A kiss that was so domestic and soft that you feel your heart soar.

"Check your phone." Is all he says when he waves you goodbye, as you stare at him dumbly, heart still fluttering and cheeks burning.

When you return back into your home, you lean against your door as you press a hand to your chest to feel the way your heart beats rapidly against it. You feel weak in the knees but so blissful that you let out a squeal into the palm of your hands.

Once you've calmed down, and offered Taehyung a look that said you'll explain later—you rush to check your phone, only to smile at what lies on the screen.

Unknown Number [17:21]: hi bunny

Unknown Number [17:21]: save my contact

Unknown Number [17:21]: make sure that when people see it they'll know you're mine

Unknown Number [17:22]: see you soon

Unknown Number [17:22]: if you're still a little slow ... it's jimin

Unknown Number [17:25]: ❤️

You notice the heart emoji was sent a few minutes after the rest of his texts, which showed you that he may have contemplated whether or not to send it. You feel your heart flutter, as you plop back onto your bed, a wide grin splaying on your face.

extra scene

"I'm sorry ... what?" Yoongi chokes on the piece of meat he just shoved into his mouth as he stares at his best friend in the face as if he'd grown another head. But as usual, he seemed to only attract people that were vastly similar to him, and Jimin's face is unreadable as ever. But Yoongi knows he's serious and not fucking around because he's looking intently at the older boy for a response.

"So?" Jimin says casually, leaning into his seat and Yoongi needs to chug down a glass of water to ensure that the food goes down all the way before he can say anything to the question Jimin just posed him with.

"You want my sister's address ... to ... I'm sorry, correct me if I'm wrong but I had a fall and I may have a concussion so I don't know if I'm hearing things right," Yoongi deadpans but Jimin just rolls his eyes at the older one's dramatics before nodding his head for him to continue.

"You want her address to ... confess to her?" Yoongi says hesitantly and Jimin nods his head as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

But it wasn't. Because as long as Yoongi's known Jimin, he's been all detached and broody, uninterested in everything and everyone. He's never shown the slightest interest in anyone and usually opted for casual hookups than actual relationships so clearly, Yoongi is a little skeptical.

"Are you okay?" Yoongi asks baffled.

Jimin nods, folding his arms across his chest.

"Yes. I went for a medical check-up that day and my doctor said he's never seen results as impeccable as mine." Jimin says blandly.

Yoongi scoffs.

"You're just not ... the dating type, you know? Much less ... with my sister?" It sounds weird to even Yoongi's ears. He grew out of his childish mindset and had no problem with Jimin dating you, but it was still weird to see his best friend showing interest in you.

"I like her. And I respect you. Which is why I came to you before I did anything."

Yoongi gapes at his best friend, who looks much softer than he usually does.

"Wow ... I just ..." Yoongi exhales, "Damn."

Jimin offers a small smile before gesturing to their food.

"At least we can really be brothers now." Yoongi jokes, sliding a piece of paper with your address on it to Jimin.

Jimin smiles fondly at the paper before tucking it into his shirt jacket.

The image of you in white, smiling and looking only at him drives him to see you the next day.

#bts fic #bts imagine #bts fics #bts imagines #bts fluff #bts jimin #jimin imagine #jimin fluff #jimin x reader #park jimin x reader #park jimin fluff #park jimin fic #fluff #mutual pining #cute

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ao3-sucks · 3 years

Note

my own ao3 experience was that i got into it when i was in a huge fandom that had a bunch of underage and incestuous pairings and fics. i really started getting into it when i was like fresh into middle school and not soon after that id start reading a bunch of explicit fics. basically pretty sure reading that stuff is what made me feel anxious around my 2 older siblings and like if i showed any kind of affection like even a hug or just laughing at a joke sometimes itd be seen as a sign of attraction. im in my 20s now and it still really affects me. i feel like less valid with my online trauma somehow bc i did it to myself lol.

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

I got manipulated by an adult into writing an extremely triggering fic about rape and abuse between two young siblings, and ended up having to draw on my own traumatic experiences for it. I pretended to be okay with it, and let them say it was my fault it was like that, and when I finally got tired of hiding it and publicly called them out on it, multiple people defended them, using that pretense against me. I still haven't fully recovered from that. Sometimes I wonder if it really was my fault.

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

thank you SO MUCH for this blog, I was groomed into thinking the wildest of things were acceptable by fandom people, and it wasnt until i was about 15 or 16 that i finally wised up and dropped the thinking once and for all. thank you again and have a really good week!

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

I don’t really know how old the post that talked about the experience of one of the mods with ao3 is, but just in case, this is about that post that had mentions of r//pe and @“cest. And damn, I’ve never stopped to think that my aversion to sex maybe came from my early exposure to that kind of stuff, now I know that I’m asexual, but it’s comforting to see that I’m not alone in this, so thank you for sharing your story

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

god this is probably stupid and you dont have to post this if you don't want to, but thank you so much for making this page. ive had similar experiences in online fandom and ive really struggled with classifying any of it as "real" since it was all online. that post talking about your experience with everything was really eye opening for me. thank you for reminding me im not alone.

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

wrt your ao3 essay // thank you for sharing your story about ao3. ive had some similar experiences, but i never interacted with anyone on ao3, just read ff. in around a 1-2 years of consuming that content, i had developed some psychosis relating to sexual trauma, but i never had anything happen to me so i didnt really know what to think. i was just scared. its nice to know that.. it wasnt just random? that more people are talking about this? something like that. thank you. i hope you are well.

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

i just read through your experiences and while i was never really involved with fanfiction during my childhood, i WAS exposed to plenty of other weird interactions on other sites starting probably as early as 11 and just realized that me starting to use the internet more probably coincides with me showing similar things such as starting to hate being touched and consider myself asexual/sex repulsed. it was nothing that i'd considered to be that impactful or big a deal before and there weren't really specific people to blame, but i definitely don't know how to feel about this knowledge now.

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

just read that post abt your ao3 experience and holy fuck, so sorry you had to go through that. but also, thank you. its scary to think tht ive cldve been in the same situation since i was browsing the internet from a v young age. i was huge into roleplaying and thereve been a few times where it became, uuh... not completely sfw (unknowingly to me, i just wanted to rp). but the moment it became too weird, i ghosted n blocked (i had a very anti-internet-stranger policy). again, thanks. take care

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

I was 12 when I got my first ship. I got into it because of the cute art online and I never once thought about it being bad. It was pedophilic amongst other things. I just started writing fic, so I wrote for this ship. I was asked to write straight up human AU "porn where xyz is a pedo" by people far older than me. I didn't know any better, I wrote it and every other request like it. It go so bad that I though that pedophilia was OKAY. It took me so long to unlearn that and many other things because of that ship and I still feel bad for ever having shipped it. So when people say things like "fiction doesn't effect reality" it makes me mad. It teaches little kids that things like pedophilia and rape are okay.

I opted to answer these as a group because they are all so similar. It breaks my heart how often I get anons, post replies, and reblogs about my AO3 essay from people saying that my experiences closely mirrored theirs. I hope that everyone who has sent me these messages can forgive themselves for what happened to them, and know that it’s not your fault that other people decided to take advantage of you. I’m working on healing, and I hope you can all do the same.

- Mod Daft

#testimonials #anti ao3 #ao3 critical #fandom critical #mod daft posts #Anonymous

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fayewonglibrary · 4 years

Text

Melting of the Ice Queen (2000)

Once the music world’s Ice Queen, Faye Wong warms up to motherhood and new love as Rebecca Li uncovers.

AS Faye Wong walks into the photo studio at Chai Wan, Hong Kong, casually dressed in baby-blue pants and pink No Name sneakers that look like a cross between sports shoes and ballet slippers, she looks relaxed and girlish.

The colours of her outfit suggest that her life is absolutely bright and sunny. Even without makeup, her eyes obscured by aviator shades, she still looks completely stunning.

Well-known for her nonchalance to the media and her chameleon-like image changes, Asia’s most charismatically enigmatic chanteuse seems to have mellowed. Does it have anything to do with the birth of her daughter Jingtong in February 1997?

“The greatest change in me came not after the birth of my child, but after I converted to Buddhism in 1992,” says the 31-year-old. “I used to ask myself questions like ‘Why is it so?’ But not everything in the world can be explained. If it is so, it is so; there is no why. If it is fated, then it is so! You can only learn to accept your fate. A simple principle, but easier said than done.”

LIFE GOES ON

With her divorce from Taiwanese rocker Dou Wei out of the way, Faye seems to have moved on. The big news now is that she is dating a younger man, and not just any younger man too, but Hong Kong heartthrob Nicholas Tse, who’s all of 19.

The source of the rumor? The pair was snapped by paparazzi earlier this year, kissing at a party in Hong Kong club Greenspot…during a drinking game. And to add fuel to the fire, they have also been spotted having intimate dinners together on several occasions.

Gossip aside, it’s amazing how the public just cannot get enough of this long-limbed, 1.72 metre-tall Beijing-born beauty, who first set foot in Hong Kong in 1987 at the age of 18.

Back then, the artiste formerly known as Shirley Wong Ching Man didn’t even speak a word of Cantonese, and out of boredom, she enrolled herself in singing classes that helped her develop that ethereal voice that she is now so famous for.

After spending a couple of years in New York studying music, she returned to Hong Kong in 1992, changed her name to Faye, and released an album entitled COMING HOME. The rest, as they say, is history. In 1993, she was voted “Most Popular Asian Singer” and over the years, her star has just kept rising higher.

Within a short span of time, Faye has attained the kind of pop icon status that took her favorite singer Teresa Teng an entire lifetime to achieve.

Fans from as far as France devote entire websites to her. Film critics in Sweden gave her the “Best Actress” award for her role in CHUNGKING EXPRESS. Sony Playstation felt she was appealing enough to the youth market to pay her US$1 million to sing the ending theme song for their popular video game Final Fantasy 8.

If you’d holidayed in China last year and felt a thirst for Pepsi, you would have seen her gorgeous face emblazoned all over the can (that is, before the limited edition ran out).

A Japanese cellphone company used her for their commercial, but that perhaps is not even half as flattering as the fact that a Taiwanese artiste, Kung Mei Mei, released a debut album entitled I LOVE FAYE WONG.

QUEEN OF MODESTY

Faye has proven herself as one of the very few singers who have made a successful crossover into acting, with CHUNGKING EXPRESS, LOVE AFFAIR IN OKINAWA (which hit Singapore screens on 9 August) and the yet-to-be-completed 2046. But she still remains unimpressed by her own thespian talents.

“Actually I don’t have much acting to do in LOVE AFFAIR IN OKINAWA… and it is nothing as crazy as the character in CHUNGKING EXPRESS. It is much more normal and easy-going.”

And contrary to what others say, the movie has not been tailormade for her, she clarifies. “Maybe they just know this is how I am, I simply can’t act. Maybe it is because it is a different director (Peter Chan). I have only worked with Wong Kar Wai before. I’m more familiar with what he wants… I’m afraid of the demands from other directors, that I may not be able to meet their requirements…”

Faye says that she does not like acting because it involves teamwork and requires a lot of patience.

“For me, when you are making a movie, you have to wait. It takes a lot of time, and it can be boring. When you sing, you just need to go to the studio. I would know if I have not sung a line well, so I can ask to do it again. When it comes to acting, I wouldn’t know which way is better. When the director says it is okay, then it’s okay for me, I wouldn’t have any opinion of my own.

"I have also sought advice from many actors, like Carina Lau, for example, who never went through formal training either. She said, it will be fine, just keep doing it, it will come with experience! Maybe that’s true, I’ve only made three movies, which is not much of an experience.”

While most actors eagerly dissect every film they can get their hands on, Faye says she is not even a movie buff to begin with. “I don’t like to watch martial arts movies, war movies, period movies,” she says, without pausing for breath. “I do watch comedies, but if it is blatantly slapstick, I will definitely not watch it.”

And contrary to how so-called “serious” actors try to get into their roles by trying to get under the skin of the character they’re taking on, Faye prefers not to get in too deep.

“When you are doing a Wong Kar Wai movie, you can never be quite in it, because you won’t even know what the story is all about. When I was filming CHUNGKING EXPRESS, I really didn’t know what I was doing. You have to read the script a few times to understand what he’s trying to say. As I was playing the role, I was feeling that this girl is so irritating and inexplicable. Haha…" Self-mockery has always been a virtue of survivors.

LOVE ACCORDING TO FAYE

Now that she has reclaimed her "single” status, perhaps Faye will reveal the kind of man that attracts her?

But this line of questioning doesn’t get much information out of her – Faye would rather speak in generalities, and not about any specific person. Nicholas Tse’s name is not mentioned throughout the interview.

Sexiness, Faye says, is a matter of personality, a kind of feel. For her, there are no criteria to speak of.

“I have always been one to follow my intuition. When it feels right, then it’s right. The most important thing for a man is to be upright, frank, not to make me do any second-guessing, not to say one thing and do another thing. Whether he is sexy or not is secondary. There is not particular look that I go for. Except that I don’t like guys that talk to much.”

Still, despite her ice queen persona, there’s still a hint that the man who manages to make her thaw will find a hopeless romantic underneath.

“I feel that everything is fated. When a person is in love, it is like having a magic spell cast on you, you just can’t wriggle out of it, and you can’t be so level-headed as to examine yourself objectively. Some would calculate various factors while choosing a marriage partner and decide according to one’s requirements. But I’m definitely not someone like that.”

Translated by Ts’ Ming.

FAYE ON HER LEADING MEN

Tony Leung Chiu Wai - “I have worked with him the most number of times but never really talked to him. I don’t understand him too well. He doesn’t talk much, but sometimes he would behave like … he would be very affectionate, it’s rather odd. I guess he is harder to fathom.”

Leslie Cheung - “He is a buddy. He is someone who makes clear distinctions between what he loves and what he hates. He would explain why he likes something and why he doesn’t like something … a headstrong type of person.”

Tony Leung Kar Fai - “He is a very agreeable character, he would share his private matters with others, things like where his family has gone traveling, what they have encountered, how his daughter is doing … I think he would make a perfect husband, very nice, caring, and attentive.”

Takuya Kimura - “Kimura is a very smart person. But sometimes he’s very playful too. He’s actually a very professional actor.”

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

On hobbies - “Shopping for clothes is no longer my hobby, I only shop for 'working clothes’, so that doesn’t count. Recently, I haven’t’ had any hobbies. Apart from work, I just lie around at home, or meet up with some friends. I have not played mahjong for a long time." (Right, who has time for mahjong when one is too busy dating?)

On music - "Thinking back on my first record, it was released without much thought, and it was not very me. I tend to be more carefree while recording in the studio, other than that I behave very awkwardly. I’m not one who needs to listen to music everyday.”

On pursuits - “I’m not very worried about what to eat, or what to wear, just as long as I have a place to live comfortably. Actually I’m usually not so concerned about my appearance. I think the only thing I care for is my records, choosing my songs, recording a good album. Although there are some works that I’m satisfied with, I still hope to do more.”

On happiness - “A lot of times, that’s just a state of mind. As long as you know how to let go, you will be much happier.”

On her daughter - “I never planned to have children. I’m not a patient person but I tend to be nicer to children. Fortunately, Jing Tong is not naughty at all. I will not interfere with her future, my responsibility is just to raise her. Whichever path she takes from then on would be her own, that’s beyond my control.”

MAKING OF A COVER GIRL

Faye Wong has a habit of browsing through magazines while making up. She would rather stay a while longer than to rush an interview while making up and doing her hair. Such insistence is rare among entertainers, but how else to share your thoughts with so many people around to interrupt?

So this reporter had to watch her making up, doing her hair, trying her dress and taking the polaroids for a full five hours. But that helped her to warm up and made it easier to strike up a conversation.

As expected, her daughter Jing Tong turned up at 5:30 pm sharp, insisted on a hug and kiss, and on being Faye’s personal dresser – she followed Mum into the changing room. Faye looked completely transformed as she emerged, and her daughter started to mimic her, much to everyone’s amusement.

During the interview, the cute little girl interrupted three or four times, but she also knew when to back off after every act, without being told off.

As the interview drew to a close, Jing Tong grew more and more impatient. She shouted with all her might: “Mum, Mum, let’s go home!" It sounded like a little wish that was too long suppressed.

------------------------------------------------------------------

SOURCE: ELLE

#2000

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jungshookz · 5 years

Note

hi h-how about a scenario where y/n is doing some holiday shopping and meets cute cashier jungkook hehe

🎄 pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

🎄 genre: cashier!kook, fluff!!!!!!!!, u and kook are both kinda awkward but it’s adorable

🎄 wordcount: 2.6k

the one thing you hate about christmas has to be christmas shopping

frankly you think that the most important part of christmas is spending time with your loved ones!!!

okay that’s a little white lie because you do really like getting presents

and it’s not like you don’t like giving presents

because it’s totally worth it to see the look on someone’s face when you present them with an amaZing gift

but it’s just

shopping takes sO much effort

and it drains all the energy out of you

and it drains all the money out of your bank account

and also the malls are always so hectic at this time of the year

and you have to fight people off to get the perfect present

last year you squared up with an old lady over a crock pot that your mom really really wanted

obviously you ended up with the crock pot because u ain’t no lil bitch

(no old ladies were harmed in the process of getting the crock pot)

anyways you usually only get presents for your mom and your dad and some of your cousins and obviously you get a present for tae (and you get one or two presents for yourself and label them from santa so you feel less guilty about it hehe)

but this year not only do you have to get a present for tae

you have to get a present for tae and jin and jimin and namjoon aND yoongi AND hoseok because you’ve made quite a lot of new friends this year young lady good for u!!!

anyways

you’ve been at the mall for nearly six hours and you’re pretty sure your feet are bleeding in your shoes from how much walking you’ve done

you’re pretty sure you’re one more purchase away from maxing out your credit card

every time you tap it against the machine you make a face because every purchase is a RISK

you have all your gifts ready for the boys

yoongi gets a new microphone for his studio

namjoon gets a new pair of sunglasses

jin gets a customised apron

hobi gets a new pair of nike air force 1s

and sweet angel baby jimin gets a customised shampoo and conditioner set with a frEE loofah!!

all you have to do now is find a gift for tae which is always the hardest task because he says he doesn’t care what you get him but he totally cares about what you get for him

one year you gave him a single pair of socks and he was like???? SOCKS/?????? sweetie SOCKS??????? i gave you a fuLL set of rose gold CUTLERY and you give me SoCks with- what are these- socks with hoT DOGS ON THEM

and you were like you saiD you didn’t care about what your gift was and these warm fuzzy socks were on sale-

“SALE???? YOU GOT ME DISCOUNT SOCKS FOR CHRISTMAS-”

as much as you love tae he’s very much a diva and he’s shameless about it

but you’ve learned your lesson so since the sock incident you’ve gotten him very nice gifts

so even though your organs are shutting down one by one and your body is telling you that it’s unable to go on and you need to head home noW and collapse in bed

you’re soldiering on because you have to find tae the perfect present

but you don’t think you’re going to find tae’s gift at the mall

you’ll have to go somewhere else

you adjust all the shopping bags in your arms and use your shoulder to push the door open and you’re immediately met with the crisp winter air

the sun’s starting to set and the number of people on the street is starting to dwindle down

you end up wandering around the streets for about half an hour

and you’re [this] close to giving up because

a) it’s freezing out and your nose is going to fall off

b) your arms are about to fall off because of how heavy the bags are buT the cold has made your body entirely numb so it’s counteracting the whole arms falling off thing

c) maybe you should just face the wrath of tae this year you’re a big girl you can handle it

and then

you see it

van gogh’s starry night

it’s obviously a replica of van gogh’s starry night but you know for a faCt tae would love to hang that up in his hallway or something

you look like a kid with your face pressed up against the glass because this gift is PERFEcT

it even comes with a fancy gold frame and everything anD it’s decently priced so you don’t have to worry about making more of a dent in your wallet

you take a step back and look up at the name of the store

“troves and treasures” you murmur to yourself

huh

cute name

the little bell rings above you as you enter the store and you let out a content sigh at the warmth that welcomes you and you see an apple-pie scented candle burning away

this store is adorable!!

it’s a little cramped because there’s just sO much stuff in here but it’s still adorable

miraculously you make your way to the back of the store without knocking shit over with your bags

you feel like a bulldozer when you walk in between the narrow shelves

now where is that damn painting

“excuse me, miss? would you like to put your bags down by the front? they look kinda heavy” you turn around and nearly knoCk a lamp off the display counter

whoops

“oh no it’s okay i think i can-“

oh wow

he’s awfully pretty isn’t he

his lips tug up in a sweet smile and he blinks at you with his warm, round eyes before reaching up to flick a couple strands of jet-black hair away from his eyes

“uhhhhh actually yeAh maybe you should take these before i accidentally destroy the entire store” you chuckle awkwardly and he immediately reaches out and takes the bags off your arms

“how have your arms not fallen off already?? it feels like you have bricks in here” he jokes before heading over to the counter and setting them down gently on the floor

“it’s because it’s so cold outside that my arms have gone completely numb” you snort and rub your sore arms before reaching down to brush your fingers over an antique clock

“good thing you came in here! i always like keeping it nice and toasty” he hums and adjusts the little apron around his waist “so are you looking for something in particular or just browsing?”

okay

don’t let pretty boy distract you from the task at hand y/n

do nOt

but he’s just

he’s sO pretty

“um, i-“ you pause to collect your thoughts and shake your head quickly “painting.”

“painting.” he repeats and tilts his head and offers you a smirk “there are many paintings here.”

omg

what’s wrong w u

pull it together

“the van gogh painting! it’s in the display window, that one over there-“ you point to the window “my friend’s a huge art nerd and i think that would make a perfect christmas gift.” you smile and move past him to head to the window

it’s a bit of a tight squeeze since the two of you are standing in between shelves but your hand brushes past his and you feel a little zaP

he gasps in surprise and cradles his hand quickly

but just like you he shakes his thoughts out of his head and remains professional

“ah, starry night! you’re lucky - that’s actually the last one we have in stock.” he bends over and picks the painting up gently before turning and showing it to you “are you interested in purchasing the gold frame?”

“yes, please!” you grin excitedly and keep your eyes glued on the painting because it is literally SO PERFEct you’re so excited to give this to tae “you think you can wrap it up for me too?”

“of course! i’m a great wrapper.” he heads back to the front counter and you trail behind him

“oh yeah? i’d love to hear your stuff on soundcloud.” you joke

he raises his eyebrow and you SEE the question mark floating on top of his head and your face immediately starts burning up because the joke totally just flew past his head

but then

“ooOOOH like soundcloud raPPEr- that was a good one. i’m deducting a point tho because it was lame as hell” he laughs and you let out a small sigh of relief

that was almost mortifying

he places the painting in the frame gently and you can’t help but notice that his hands are also very very pretty but now there’s just this silence between the two of you

is it too late to introduce urself

u don’t really know what to say

god why are you so AWKWArd

“i’m, uh, i’m y/n, by the way.” you clear your throat and lean against the counter

he pauses in the middle of taping and looks up at you with that beautiful fricKin smile “i’m jungkook.” and then he looks back down and smooths over where he just taped

“so are you done with christmas shopping?” he asks as he prepares a pretty red bow

“pretty much! this is my last stop and then i think i’m going to get a hot drink somewhere to unfreeze my insides.” you hum and rummage through your purse for your wallet

“that sounds like a nice plan! i’m closing up shop pretty soon because it’s kind of been a lazy day”

the two of you end up talking a little while longer

you tell him about the sock incident and he tells you about how one time he accidentally dropped a present in the middle of the street and someone on a bike just raN over it

you tell him that your favourite christmas cookie is gingerbread and he argues that sugar cookies are ten times better

you tell him that hot chocolate with marshmallows is the best hot chocolate and he says that hot chocolate with a candy cane in it is the best

jungkook purposely slows down when he’s wrapping the painting just because it’s so nice talking to you :——)

thank god business was slow today because it gives him more time to talk to u

“you must really like your friend to get him a present this nice” jungkook teases as he punches a couple buttons on the cash register

“tell me about it” you snort and pull out your credit card and catch a glimpse of the price on the screen and imMEDIATELy the blood drains from your face

what the FUck

THIS IS A REPLICA WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE

your mouth goes dry when jungkook holds his hand out to take your card

o god

you can’t tell him you don’t want the gift anymore because he wrapped it up so nicely and put it in the frame and everything

jungkook must sense your hesitation because it’s been like ten seconds and you’re clutching onto your card for dear life

and he’s technically not supposed to do this but

you seem like a sweet girl (and ur also very pretty but that’s unrelated)

“oh, would you look at that! i, uh, i put in the wrong price.” jungkook points to the screen before shaking his head “sorry, my bad! i’ve only just started working here so i’m not used to all the fancy cash registers and stuff”

that is a blatant lie he’s been working here for like a year and he knowS that your total comes to $250

“that’ll be $125, please.”

he’ll just pay for the other half out of the kindness of his heart

it’s christmas after all!!

“oh thanK god because my card definitely has less than $250” you let out a breath of relief and hand him your card

your receipt comes out of the printer and kook slips it into the bag

and the two of you are kind of dawdling around because you know you don’t really have any other reason to stay in the shop unless you wanna buy another replica of a painting

jungkook helps you with your bags and walks you to the front door

“you’re… you’re closing up for today pretty soon, aren’t you? maybe i can treat you to a hot chocolate or something?” you’re visibly kind of nervous as jungkook slips the bags back onto your arms

he pauses and is pleasantly surprised that you totally just asked him out on a date

“i’ll come if you admit that gingerbread cookies are trash.” he teases and you gape at him “kidding. but not really. give me five minutes!” he disappears into the shop and you can’t fight the goofy smile that’s found its way onto your face

jungkook has to suppress a scream of excitement because yES HE LIKES U SO MUCH AND NOW HE GETS TO GET A HOT COCOA WITH U

anyways

the two of you end up at the café for much longer than expected

somehow you end up with the peppermint hot cocoa and the sugar cookie and kook ends up with the marshmallow hot cocoa and the gingerbread cookie

and jungkook has to admit

maybe gingerbread cookies aren’t all that bad

the two of you stay until the waitress is like ok kids u guys need to get out of here for real

jungkook helps you load all your shopping bags into the trunk of your car which is very gentlemanly of him because you definitely would not have been able to lift all the bags yourself

“you sure you don’t need a lift home?” jungkook shuts the trunk for you and gives it a couple pats

“i’ll be fine. the bus stop’s right over there!” jungkook points to across the street and you nod

“well, um, thank you! for the… wrapping?”

“thank you for the hot cocoa” jungkook smiles shyly and shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie

…

“well i guess i-” and before he gets a chance to say anything else you’ve gone up on your tippy toes and given him a soft kiss on the cheek

O O F

jungkook’s face immediately goes beet red and he smiles and scratches the back of his neck and he’s trying sO hard to not scream into the void oh my god that was so cUTE

at the same time you are trying not to scream from the adrenaline because you’ve never done anything so spontaneous before but you are SO proud of yourself

you hop into your car and jungkook shuts the door for you before leaning down and propping his arms up on your open window

“i’ll text you later?”

you smile excitedly and nod

maybe christmas shopping isn’t all that bad after all

🎄the twelve drabbles of christmas! 🎄

❄️do you have a special christmas request? ❄️

#christmas 2k18 #this is so cute #gOD #jungkook fics #jungkook imagines #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook #bts fics #bts imagines #bts fluff #bts #bts fic recs #jungkook fic recs #jungkook smut recs #jeon jungkook #jungkook drabbles #jungkook cute

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inspired-by-the-music · 5 years

Text

Any Other Name Part 54.5

Jungkook x Reader

Note: Okay, guys. After this, I have only one more planned part for Any Other Name. So prepare yourself for the end!

A smile settled upon MC’s face as she placed her phone on the only exposed inch of hardwood flooring among the meticulously organized stacks of paperwork, drafts, and photographs given to her by Taehyung and Namjoon.

Since Jungkook would be visiting for the first time in far too long, perhaps her instinct should have been to race to the bathroom to assess her appearance. After all, she was wearing an exceptionally childish Winnie-the-Pooh onesie, and her makeup was nearly a day old since she had put it on that morning for her meeting with Jin, Taehyung, and Namjoon to discuss their upcoming project. Or at least she should have started to move her work out of the living room so Jungkook could actually walk from the front door to the sofa.

But she didn’t think to do any of those things. After grabbing her phone, MC delicately tiptoed over her laptop and the piles of paper to the window seat, where she would be able to see when Hobi dropped Jungkook off. Once again, her heart fluttered when she studied the familiar image on her screen— the very first picture she had ever taken of the boy who stole her heart at first sight, accompanied by the link to a song he recorded just for her. And she was so moved by the gesture, so captivated by the sight of that sentimental photograph, that she didn’t think to browse the comments.

Now, all that mattered was that warmth, that falling associated with every thought of him. All that mattered was how her heart stopped when Hobi pulled into her driveway. All that mattered was the sheepish smile on Jungkook’s face as he raced to the front door. All that mattered was how, as a greeting, she and Jungkook melted into an embrace. And as they laughed, flustered by Hobi’s enthusiastic cheers, MC realized these beautiful moments were all that mattered all along.

As MC took Jungkook by the hand to lead him to the window seat, he laughed, “Nice pajamas.”

Giggling herself, MC replied, “Thanks,” as she collapsed into the seat and pulled Jungkook into the spot next to her. They sat at opposite ends of the seat, as if afraid to be to close to one another despite the hug they shared just moments before .

Jungkook’s eyes dashed all over the room, perhaps wondering if anything had changed since his last visit. He asked, “What’s with the mountains of paper by the couch?”

Slightly embarrassed that she hadn’t tidied up, MC teased, “I thought you were here to win my heart back, not to criticize my living condition.”

With his own teasing grin, Jungkook leaned back against the wall. “Ahhh, but I thought I already had your heart. At least, that’s what your songs said.”

To flustered to respond, MC rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Those mountains of paper are for my new job. Your brother hired me to adapt one of Taehyung’s ideas into a screenplay. That boy has one active imagination.”

“Really? Hyung didn’t mention anything about a new project.”

“He was worried you and I weren’t gonna get back together,” MC explained gently, avoiding Jungkook’s gaze. “He said it was a strictly business decision, so I guess that’s why you were out of the loop.”

In a small voice, Jungkook begged, “Are we?”

And the unashamed desperation in his voice demanded MC’s attention. She saw that he was biting at his nails, a small frown tugging at his lips. She forced, “Are we what?”

“Are we gonna get back together?”

The outcome of the conversation was so obvious to MC, she couldn’t help but laugh lightly. “I dunno. Things are looking pretty good for you right now, but who knows what you say about me in your song? Maybe you’ll confess to hating me or something—”

“I don’t hate you,” said Jungkook flatly, evidently unamused by the joke. “Besides, do you really think Hoseok and Yoongi would produce a negative song about you?”

“Yoongi— no, he’s cool—”

“He’s completely wrapped around your finger,” said Jungkook, eyebrows raised. “Honestly, he likes you better than he likes me. He told me that himself!” Fighting a smile, MC continued, “But Hobi apparently has a problem with me, since he wanted to spit in my coffee or whatever.”

“He only had a problem with your Anysia persona because you stole all of Yoongi’s attention.” Then, more gently, he asked, “By the way, why did you release your album under that name?”

Somewhat stiffly, MC straightened as she wracked her brain for an answer. “At first, I didn’t really get why Yoongi insisted on a stage name, but now I get it.” She swallowed tightly, suppressing her emotions enough to speak, “I needed a safe place where I could express my feelings for you without everyone analyzing me, and doubting me, and misunderstanding me. It’s just— if we weren’t us, Jeon Jungkook, the fallen model-turned-actor, and MC, the daughter of the most famous American actress and deceased film executive, the weird younger sister who hides behind the camera and behind her best friend, the one who runs every time—”

As her voice faltered, Jungkook reached out to pull her against his chest. He simply muttered, “It’s okay,” and allowed her to continue with her explanation, this time with the support of his affection.

“I just thought that if we had any other names, people wouldn’t assume to know everything about us. We could be in love without people like Mandi and my sister trying to break it.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“And by being Anysia, I was free from that. I was just exposing my feelings, and you were just listening. And that was exactly how I felt when I wrote Any Other Name with that pen name A.M. Salinger, before my identity was leaked. Nobody wants to take pictures of Anysia or A.M. Salinger. People only see the real me through my art.”

Following a deep sigh, Jungkook tightened his grip around her. “Yeah, I understand. I feel like people saw me, the real me, for the first time in Any Other Name even though I was just playing a character. That was the first time anybody looked at me without thinking of anyone else.”

“But I—” MC struggled to find the words before deciding to reach for Jungkook’s hand. And lacing her fingers through his, she said, “Being away from social media helped me realize that I don’t really care who else sees me, as long as you do.”

“I do,” Jungkook said immediately, his eyes sparkling with the positive turn in the conversation. “I always have, and I always will.”

Then, hiding her face behind her sleeve, she mumbled, “Ah, you can’t just say stuff like that.”

“But I mean it,” Jungkook said as he pulled her hand away from her face. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he said, “And I know you see me too, so I don’t need to wear masks anymore. As long as you understand how much I love you, I don’t care how many people misunderstand.”

Smiling contentedly, MC hummed, “I can’t believe anyone ever convinced me to let you go.”

“Bet we won’t do that again,” Jungkook winked and pulled headphones out of his pocket. He stopped in his tracks when he noticed MC shaking her head. “No? What’s the matter?”

“Can you sing the song yourself please?” Jungkook’s eyes widened at the request, but he sighed, relieved that she wasn’t shaking her head about the prospect of starting their relationship anew. “What? The recording will sound better—”

Bashfully, MC admitted, “I’d just rather hear a version nobody else gets to hear.” She giggled ecstatically when Jungkook’s hesitance crumbled, and he straightened himself against the wall.

“Fine, fine, just don’t tell Yoongi we didn’t listen to the recording. He might actually kill me if he he hears he stayed up past midnight working on a recording you didn’t even hear.”

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purplesurveys · 5 years

Text

483

Is there a bus stop near your house?: No, buses don’t stop around my area and I only ever see them on EDSA, which is like the main highway of Metro Manila.

Do you prefer red wine or white wine?: I hate the shit out of wine but if I absolutely had to drink some, it has to be red. And it has to be more sweet than bitter.

What’s the last airport you were at? Why were you there?: NAIA. I’m literally at the Starbucks right across the airport right now because my mom is arriving from Hong Kong in an hour and I have to pick her up.

Who do you live with?: I live with my family. That’s a mom, a dad, a brother, a sister, a cat, and a dog.

Do you read reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like?: Yessssss all the time. I always browse through the Popular filter since it already compiles the best recent posts, but I’m a huge fan of the r/AmITheAsshole subreddit. People who turn out to be the assholes are hilaaaaarious.

Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend?: No. I ‘broke up’ with Aya as a friend when she was being abusive to Jo, but she’s since started working on getting better and has apologized to our friend group, so she’s back on my good side.

What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside?: It’s 29ºC. I’m glad we’re not in the 30s, but I don’t appreciate how warm it still is.

Do you know anyone who’s had a baby recently?: As far as I know, no.

Have you used a pen or pencil today? What did you write down?: [continued from earlier because I had to pick my mom up lmao] Yes, I used a pen today. It was to write my name on a requirement that I needed to submit to complete my class.

What does your last text message say and who is it from?: "Can I call?” from my girlfriend.

Can you count how many times you’ve seen your favourite film?: Must be near a hundred. I talked about this in a recent survey but there was a time I watched Two for the Road everyday for like 2-3 months. I still make it a point to watch it several times a year.

When was the last time you ate marshmallows?: I have no idea. I don’t like marshmallows; I’ve always hated the texture.

Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them?: Uhhh no, not really. If I REALLY REALLY like the guest, I’ll sometimes listen to Colt Cabana’s Art of Wrestling or Chris Jericho’s Talk is Jericho. But other than that, I’d rather watch YouTube videos.

How old will you be in the year 2030?: 32.

How often does the kettle in your house get used?: My mom never got one.

Does your skin bruise easily? Do you have any bruises right now? What from?: Yep, super. I don’t have a bruise right now but I do have a mysterious cut below my right knee. Have absolutely no idea where it came from, but apparently whatever cut it cut it deep and it hurts.

What was the last thing you spent $150 or more on?: I’ve never spent that amount of money on anything.

Do you prefer yes or no questions or more open-ended questions?: Open-ended. If I sense that a survey is becoming too yes-or-no I usually quit it halfway; it’s too boring.

What brand of toilet paper do you usually buy?: My mom buys the toiletries so I’m not aware of what brands she gets.

If I knocked on your door right now, would you be acceptable dressed?: Yes. I just got home and haven’t changed out of my jumpsuit.

Why did you leave your last job?: Never had one.

What colour were the last socks you wore?: It’s like a faded green.

Are you studying currently? What level of education and what do you study?: Yep! I’m an incoming senior in my BA in Journalism.

Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying?: No, that’s terrible.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?: Probably something from Buzzfeed Unsolved cause I’ve been rewatching it lately.

What’s your favourite scent of air freshener?: Meh, I prefer the natural car smell. Scents make me dizzy.

How many weddings have you ever been to?: Four, I think. All of those when I was a kid; I haven’t been to a wedding since 2007.

Do you know anyone named Nora?: I don’t think so.

Are your hands and feet in good condition or could you do with a mani-pedi? My fingernails can be trimmed, but it’s not like a mess or anything. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play?: We played a math version of Scrabble when we stayed over at Laurice’s house. I’ve never seen a game like it before lmfaaaaao it was so intense.

Have you ever been to a festival for beer or other type of alcohol?: Nope. I don’t think that would be my kind of scene, either.

Do you own a record player and/or vinyls?: I don’t have a record player so I don’t have vinyls.

When was the last time you went out for drinks?: Third week of May. Have you ever been to a strip club?: NO I really want to go to one though.

What’s your favourite kind of smoothie?: I don’t take smoothies.

Do you know anyone with a ‘virtue name’? (Google it): Hmm I don’t think so, but I know someone who wants to name their kid Prudence.

Would you ever wear real authentic leather?: Never.

Have you taken out the trash today?: Nope, I don’t do that around the house. How often do you wear make-up?: Very seldom. I had my face made up several times over the last few months because Kate sometimes gets bored and she’d want to give me a makeover, but other than that, I rarely get my face done for events.

What’s your opinion on The Simpsons?: I have a very soft spot for that episode where Homer sits on the hood of his car and looks at the stars after he separated from his mom. I don’t keep track of the rest of the show.

Do you prefer horizontal or vertical stripes?: Horizontal. I don’t think I’ve ever worn vertical ones before.

What’s your favourite brand of deodorant/antiperspirant?: I don’t have a favorite.

Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce?: No. We don’t have divorce in the Philippines. So it’s not because all the couples I know are staying strong – it’s literally because no one is allowed to divorce by law.

If you had the money, would you take taxis everywhere instead of driving?: No, taxi drivers can be creepy. I’d rather drive by myself.

Have you ever done a juice cleanse?: Nope. I don’t need it.

Do you have any friends who you can’t decide if they’re attractive or not?: HAHAHAHAHA WTF, that’s so messed up and such a shitty thing to do. Is the inside of your fridge clean right now or does it need a clean out?: It’s always clean. My mom doesn’t let any spot in the house go messy for long.

When was the last time you washed the dishes?: This morning before I left the house.

Are there any magazines that you read on a regular basis?: Nope, I haven’t read one in months.

Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in?: No, not in Antipolo. That’s why I love it here. Once I get to the city though we do have to pay for everything, yes.

What’s the first thing you tend to do when you have a headache?: Take a Biogesic. Takes it out immediately.

Tell me about your responsibilities at work.: I don’t have a legit job yet, but at my latest internship I did news monitoring, press releases, research, and made briefing forms for the media.

Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you?: No. I live in a gated subdivision so it is very quiet here. Have you ever had proper Canadian poutine with the squeaky cheese?: I have never tried poutine, what a damn shame. I wish I can encounter a restaurant that serves it cause it looks SO GOOD. Canadian cuisine is not very prominent here though so idk when I can ever get an authentic serving of poutine :(

Do your parents know how to operate smartphones and/or computers?: My dad is very techy, more so than me. My mom uses her phone for her Facebook and camera and nothing else. She still asks me to Google stuff for her even if her Chrome app is right beside Facebook.

How old are your parents, anyway?: My mom and dad are both 1971 babies so they are turning 48 this year.

Are you allergic to anything? What do you have to do to prevent them?: No. My skin can get very allergic to the environment (especially if it’s humid), but it’s not an allergy or anything.

What song is stuck in your head at the moment?: I haven’t been thinking of a song.

Do you hate it when people try really hard, or do you kinda like it?: Idk how to feel about them...like sometimes I’d think it’s hilarious but other times I’d feel sorry and just cringe. But I’m certain I don’t hate it.

What’s your boss’ first name? Do you call him/her by that name?: My boss at internship is named Dessa. I call her that but I address her with Ms. before her name too so that it’s respectful.

When was the last time you wore a uniform of any kind? What colour was it? I wore my old school uniform last year for funsies because I spotted it in our storage closet and felt a little nostalgic. No reason to wear it, just wanted to mess around. The blouse ws white, the necktie and skirt are plaid.

Do you complete a survey before taking this one? Will you take one after?: No. After this, I’m torn among a) getting a midnight snack, b) taking another survey, and c) watching RuPaul’s Drag Race since I started getting into it last night, hahaha. Have you ever lost enough weight to drop a dress size?: I probably have, except I wasn’t actively trying to achieve that.

What’s your favourite kind of bread?: White and brioche.

When was the last time you got pizza? What toppings did you get?: Last Thursday. We got a cheese pizza and a barbecue chicken pizza.

Do you own Monopoly? Is it the original or a special version?: We don’t. I don’t know how to play Monopoly haha it always seemed just so boring to me.

What was the last thing you said out loud?: "Whatcha doing?”

You have to choose one: cats or dogs?: Dogs.

Would someone being either a cat or dog person affect you dating them?: It probably would. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who wants to own a cat with me. I love cats but I would never want them as a pet.

How do you travel to and from work?: I drive myself always. I don’t work yet, though.

Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why?: Cash, because I don’t have a card.

Have you ever been to a stadium concert?: I’ve been to arena concerts, if they mean the same thing lmao.

#survey #surveys

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kathy3112-blog · 6 years

Text

Grow (HankCon)

At first, things just seem to fall into place perfectly.

Connor is overjoyed when reuniting with Hank, his partner and friend pulling him into a hug, telling him he'd seen him on the news, leading all those androids. “I was so fucking proud, I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. I'm pretty sure Jimmy thinks I've lost my goddamn mind.”

Connor laughs at the mental image of Hank sitting at the bar, cheering for the same android he used to hate not even a week ago. There's a warm feeling in his chest, which, Connor tells himself, must be a result of Hank's body temperature. It's the only thing that makes sense.

After a moment, Hank lets go, but he keeps his hands on Connor's shoulders, the smile never completely leaving his face.

“You know, if you have nowhere to go, then uh... I know it's not much, but you could stay at my place, and- you know, Sumo really misses you, and...”

Connor beams. “I would love to stay at your place, Lieutenant.”

Hank lets him borrow some of his old clothes and they're too big, but Connor is glad to be out of his uniform. “I'd burn the fucking thing if I were you”, Hank tells him. He also promises to buy him something to wear when the stores open again. Connor likes the thought – not only getting to choose his own attire, but also going shopping with Hank. Having something to look forward to feels nice, he realizes.

Connor also looks forward to going to work again, but the laws concerning employment and payment of androids have not yet been passed, so Hank has to go back to the DPD without his favorite plastic detective. This at least gives Connor some time to make himself useful around the house. He's glad to be able to repay Hank in another way while he cannot pay rent. Cleaning doesn't exactly come naturally to Connor as he's not a household model, but with a bit of research, he finds helpful protocols for AX400 androids. To make a good start, he collects and throws out the trash, does some laundry as well as the dishes, wipes down the counter-tops and sweeps the floor. Sumo seems to enjoy the unusual activity in the house and follows Connor almost everywhere he goes, watching him curiously. There are several breaks for playing and petting. Lastly, Connor opens the windows, making sure to ventilate the rooms without letting too much cold air inside. The house looks good to go and Sumo takes a nap after having been sufficiently entertained. With nothing left to do, Connor simply waits.

When Hank comes home, he immediately realizes something is off. Connor is a bit proud of himself. “Did- did you clean?”

“Yes, but I'm not completely finished yet. I should be by tomorrow.”

Hank insists that Connor doesn't need to do that for him, but it's not like he has better things to do at the moment. Besides, he wants to be helpful. Cleaning the place a little really isn't a problem for Connor.

Cooking, however, is another story. Frankly, Connor is horrible at it. Hank watches Connor burn almost every food he touches – eggs, pancakes, spaghetti. The only positive thing that can be said about Connor's cooking is that he's very consistent – no matter what he starts out with, it always ends up as the same unidentifiable black mess.

Hank finds it hysterical. Still, after a week of watching his state-of-the-art android almost set fire to his house over the most basic dishes, he declares the stove as a 'RK800-free zone' and starts cooking for himself again.

Hank used to hate cooking and had only done it for Cole. He was still young enough to love when Hank whipped up some noodles with ketchup and despise the vegetables his mother forced him to eat, so he never looked into more complicated dishes. Apart from that, Hank had mastered the art of flipping pancakes and when he gives that another try for the first time in years, he finds he's still able to pull it off. Connor enthusiastically compliments his skills, doe-eyes wide and full of admiration. Something tugs at Hank's heart, probably the nostalgia. He doesn't give it another thought, but starts to find cooking somewhat enjoyable when Connor is by his side.

Connor quickly realizes that once a house has been thoroughly cleaned, it takes a while for it to get dirty again. He also realizes that boredom is inescapable and horrible. Connor takes Sumo on so many walks that the dog either runs away or plays dead any time he sees the android.

He goes through Hank's horror movie collection and finds he enjoys them despite their mostly terrible plots. Hank is both fascinated and unsettled by how thoroughly unimpressed Connor looks even during the most gory scenes.

In his quest to keep himself entertained, Connor tries out a bunch of hobbies. Since it's December, he knits Hank a scarf, who pretends to be mortified, but never leaves the house without it. Connor also spends time with the people from Jericho, namely North, Simon, Josh and of course Markus, and Hank encourages him to invite them over sometime. He doesn't say it, but he likes having them around. Hank and North immediately get along, teasing each other like they've been friends forever and Connor isn't sure how he feels about it. One evening, Hank casually mentions how North kind of reminds him of his ex-wife, and Connor feels the words in his stomach, which shouldn't even be possible.

Emotions in general are confusing, and Connor doesn't like not being able to identify and neatly categorize every jolt in his chest, every body temperature alteration, every irregularity of his thirium pump; link all the sensations he experiences to specific, clean-cut feelings. He just wants everything to make sense, but it seems that's not how emotions work. Hank tells him humans are no better at figuring out what they want, which is equally reassuring and frustrating.

Despite everything, Connor slowly comes to terms with his newfound... personhood. When Connor complains about having nothing to do (Connor is way too good at complaining, Hank thinks, but then again, he'd already been a pain in the ass even before becoming a deviant), Hank asks Connor why he doesn't try painting, like Markus. Instead of saying 'I wasn't programmed to do creative tasks', he answers with “I'm not a really creative person”. It's the little things, but they count all the same.

Hank chuckles at that. “Knowing you, the first thing you did probably was to put some paint in your mouth.”

“Please, Lieutenant. I'd never do that.” He'd totally done that. Markus had been horrified. Hank laughs, because he knows. Connor can't fool him anymore.

Apart from boring himself to death, Connor spends the winter after the revolution trying to figure out who he is and what he wants to do. It's not an easy process.

Over dinner, he talks about how he hopes he can come back to the DPD soon, and Hank gives him an intense look. “Connor, are you sure that that's what you want?”

Connor tilts his head, LED spinning. Want. He still isn't used to wanting things, or having opinions on topics. Connor re-watches his recordings of past crime scenes, investigating clues, interrogations, working side by side with Hank. “I think...”, he starts. He takes an unnecessary breath. “I think I would like that. It's what I was programmed to do, so- I mean...” He looks for the right words. “I enjoy being a detective and... I think I'm good at it”, he finally says.

Hank smiles at him. “You're a great detective, Connor. Just wanted to make sure you're not doing it because you feel like you have to.”

There is warmth spreading through his entire body. Happiness. With a mix of pride, too. No matter what exactly it's called, it's a nice feeling, Connor decides.

Hank manages to find a thrift store that's still open. The owner is born and raised in Detroit, like himself, and he doesn't seem to be bothered by the evacuation status. He also talks way too much, but the important thing is, he doesn't mind androids. When Hank mentions it while they're having dinner (him eating and Connor insisting on sitting with him even though he doesn't eat), Connor's face immediately lightens up. It's weird to think that his goofy face used to be completely devoid of emotion.

They go the next day.

When Connor walks in, there is a lot to look at. The shop is dominated by warm colors, with an exposed brick wall as well as wooden floor, so unlike the modern stores with their monochromatic color palette and minimalist interior design. The clothing doesn't seem to be limited to a specific style or time period, and there's a lot of it. Honestly speaking, the place is kind of a mess, and Connor is eager to go explore. He looks at Hank. “Can I...?”

Connor is practically vibrating with excitement and Hank can't help but smile. “Knock yourself out, kid. Pick whatever you want, I've got ya.”

He chooses a few basics – dark jeans, a black button-down, a gray sweatshirt, a few plain t-shirts and a pair of sweatpants because Hank insists that one wears comfortable attire at home. Connor possesses a wide range of skills, but distinguishing comfortable from non-comfortable clothing isn't one of them. Still, he doesn't argue.

Hank also finds a few things for himself, occasionally asking for Connor's opinion on certain items.

It's nice, spending time together like this.

While Connor is browsing and Hank is reluctantly conversing with the shop owner, something catches his eye. It's a natural white sweater with an overall navy blue cactus print. It's kind of... weird, in a way? Still, there's something about it that Connor likes. Maybe Hank and his non-existent sense of fashion has started to rub off on him.

“What's wrong, Connor?”, Hank asks after a while. He looks at the offending piece of clothing. It's cute, honestly. “You wanna try it on?”

“According to my measurements, it's one size too big.”

Hank shrugs. “That's cool, though. A lot of people prefer it that way.”

Connor is conflicted. He's made decisions that shaped the future of androids and humanity, but now a sweater is causing him mental distress.

Emotions are weird.

“Come on, Connor, just try it on”, Hank says, putting his hand on the small of Connor's back and leading him towards the changing booth.

When Connor is done changing and pushes the curtain to the side, Hank's eyes widen. “Oh”, he says. “Shit, you, uh- you look really-”

“I'll be damned”, the shop owner chimes in. “That's your android?”, he asks, turning to Hank, who seems a little irritated, all of a sudden. Connor feels a little frustrated as well – he wanted to hear what Hank was going to say.

“Hello. My name is Connor.”

“Oh. Right.” He looks at Connor for a few seconds, eyeing him suspiciously, then immediately back to Hank. “That's a really pretty face. What's his purpose?”

Hank is starting to look seriously irritated, and Connor kind of wants to leave. “I was designed to assist human law enforcement, specifically by investigating cases involving deviant androids”, he says evenly. “Of course, now, things have ch-”

“An android detective, eh? And now, he lives with you? I mean, surely, you guys are-”

“Would you look at the time!”, Hank exclaims. “I'm afraid we have to get going. Pleasure talking with you, though.”

Connor changes back into his old clothes and when he gets out of the booth, Hank has already paid and seems eager to leave. The shop owner tells them he's looking forward to seeing them the next time.

“We're not going back there ever again”, Hank immediately says when they're out the door.

Connor is a bit disappointed. “He was... nice enough.”

“God, the way he asked me questions about you while you were standing right there? I hate that. Like you're some kind of...”, Hank gesticulates angrily, “animal.”

“Some people find it difficult to talk directly to androids and would rather converse with human-”

“Connor, you don't have to take that kind of bullshit. You're a person and you should be treated like one.”

Connor feels his lips curl up into a smile. After a few seconds, he adds, “he said I have a pretty face.”

Hank snorts. “No shit. Bet he's never seen someone this attractive in his shitty store before.”

Connor's thirium pump stutters and heat rushes to his face. Attractive. “Didn't you say I look goofy and have a weird voice?”, he asks, struggling to keep his voice even.

“Connor, for someone who's supposed to be smart, you can be pretty damn stupid.”

“Markus, I'm confused.”

He looks up from the canvas and sets his brush and palette on the table, turning to Connor to give him his full attention. Markus could effortlessly listen and paint at the same time, but Connor appreciates the gesture.

“What's on your mind, Connor?”

It's easy to talk to Markus, even for someone who's awkward when it comes to conversations, like Connor.

“I'm having trouble with identifying my feelings towards Hank. I thought we were friends, but I find myself behaving and reacting differently around him than around the people of Jericho, for example. More... irrational.” He paces around the room while Markus watches patiently, waiting for Connor to continue talking. “I get nervous when I shouldn't be. I seek his attention even when there's no reason to do so, just for the sake of spending time together. When we're physically close, several of my biocomponents start malfunctioning.” He throws his hands up in frustration. It feels like a very human gesture. “It doesn't make any sense! I'm certain I didn't feel like this before.”

“Connor, you're smart. I'm sure you know what all of this implies.” He raises an eyebrow.

Connor crosses his arms, frowning. “You're saying I may be... infatuated.”

Markus shrugs, an amused expression on his face. “I was gonna say you're in love, but you can call it whatever you want.”

Connor looks around, pondering. “I guess I never considered the possibility that he looks at me that way.”

“What way?”, Markus asks, a knowing smile on his face. He's really going to make Connor say it.

He sighs. “As a... potential partner for a relationship. Not like partners at work, but with the involvement of romantic feelings and sexual attraction.”

“I know what a relationship is, Connor”, Markus chuckles. “Question is, is that something you're interested in?”

Connor remains silent, LED spinning yellow. “I'm... not sure”, he admits after a while.

“You're gonna have to find out.”

“I know. I wish I could just run a diagnostic, but that has proven to be useless.”

“Emotions aren't that easy”, Markus says, and Connor nods. “Emotions always screw everything up.”

Connor sighs. He's still confused, but he feels better after having talked about it. “Thank you for listening to me, Markus.”

“Any time, Connor.”

UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF MY FEELINGS TOWARDS HANK

Connor's never had an objective like this and honestly speaking, he's not sure where to begin.

ask Hank directly?

No, surely not.

Gather empirical evidence?

View examples of romantic relationships?

Well, it's a start.

Connor does some research on recommended romance movies and looks through Hank's movie collection. Surprisingly, he does find a fair amount of romantic movies, some with comedic elements, but most of them with sad endings. Apparently, Hank has watched a classic called 'Titanic' a total of 12 times, so Connor starts with that one. It's based off a real event, so it should be interesting.

3 hours and 15 minutes later, Connor is still confused, but for another reason. Taking into consideration the material as well as size of the wooden door and how its buoyancy would be affected by the salt content of the North Atlantic Ocean, Jack should have been able to survive.

But putting all that aside, the movie has given Connor some insight to romantic feelings and relationships. However, now he's unsure what to do with that knowledge, so maybe this had been a dumb idea from the start. Connor leans back against the back of the sofa, looking up at the ceiling, and lets out an agitated groan. Sumo growls compassionately.

Later, when they're outside for their afternoon walk, Connor finds himself pre-constructing scenarios involving Hank. They have no real-world applications and most of them have to do with the movie he'd watched. But in place of the two leading actors, he imagines himself and Hank being there, running away with each other, showing the other what their world is like, falling in love.

“I'm flying, Hank.”

No, that doesn't look right.

“I'm flying, Connor.”

Connor snorts at the mental image, and Sumo throws him a curious gaze.

On a more serious note, he finds that he would very much like to dance with Hank. Kissing looks intriguing, as well, even though the thought causes an unfamiliar queasy feeling in his abdomen. Finally, Connor rewatches the scene in the car – disrobed bodies pressed against each other, hushed whispers, a hand coming up to press against a fogged window...

Connor comes to a sudden halt.

He swallows, but the lump in his throat won't go away. Suddenly, he's very aware of his artificial heartbeat drumming in his ears.

“Oh shit”, he mumbles.

Connor is analytical and detail-oriented, able to reconstruct sequences at crime scenes and capable of adapting to any team, acting as a perfect partner. To put it short, he's good at a lot of things.

Making advances towards someone is not one of them.

His social module doesn't tell him anything about how to convey his romantic feelings to someone. CyberLife probably hadn't anticipated for Connor to be able to fall in love.

He still can't quite believe it, either.

Connor doesn't have any experience in this regard, but somehow, he has a feeling that if he chooses to confess, and his feelings were not reciprocated, it would create a barrier between him and Hank. The idea of being turned down is painful, but losing what they have right now entirely is an unbearable thought. What if he throws me out and never talks to me again?

Connor decides to do what he's good at – look for clues, analyze the situation, assess the probability of success. He has to be patient.

When the evacuation gets lifted, the city slowly, but surely comes back to life. It also becomes a more android-friendly place, with more and more pro-android laws being passed, and Markus having reclaimed CyberLife for their kind, transforming the stores to places for androids to go to in need for repairs or spare parts, updates and modifications. “Android hospital”, Hank had called it.

It will take a lot more for androids to be regarded as rightful citizens, but generally, things are looking brighter for everybody.

At least, that's what should be happening.

Hank has been frustrated lately. He doesn't really talk about it, but Connor knows that there has been an increase in violence against androids since the revolution – the humans feeling hostile towards androids are in the minority, but they make up for it with how ruthless they are.

Hank sees so many plastic-white bodies leaking blue onto the floor, people who thought they were finally free, finally safe, brutally having their life taken from them – and he can't stop imagining Connor soon being one of them. Everyday, he asks himself whether he will come home to find his android on the kitchen floor, his face as lifeless as when they had first met. The closer they get, the more the thought hurts, until it becomes unbearable.

Hank starts coming home later than usual, more often than not so intoxicated that he needs help getting to his bed. Connor hopes it's a phase, that Hank's going through an emotional slump. He tries his best to stay supportive and optimistic, reminding himself of the glimpses of Hank's true personality he's been able to catch during their time together – the Hank he fell in love with.

As the snow melts, it seems like Hank's will to move on vanishes with it. The days get longer, but Hank spends the majority of them unconscious, either asleep or drunk.

Connor feels helpless. Markus tells him to give it time, that setbacks are a normal part of recovery. North tells him to kick his ass.

The days trickle by, and Connor spends them on the couch, curled up with Sumo, constantly worried. He can't remember the last time his LED has been shining in a calm blue. Sometimes, he finds himself wishing he hadn't found out about his feelings. Maybe if they were just friends, it wouldn't hurt this much.

The Saint Bernard in his lap gives a little whine.

“You want to go on a walk, Sumo?”

He shows no intent of moving, but watches Connor curiously, which is as much of an agreement he's going to get.

“Okay, boy, come on”, he says, standing up. Sumo follows, reluctant to get up at first, but happy enough once they're actually outside. Connor desperately needs the distraction as well. For a moment, he allows himself to just observe, take in the nature coming back to life after a long, hard winter around him. Many humans believe that being outdoors can have a soothing, even healing effect. Connor doesn't know if that also applies to androids, but being outside beats sitting on the couch, feeling like the walls are starting to close in around him.

“What do you think, Sumo? An hour to myself surely won't do any harm, right?”

Sumo boofs in what Connor believes to be agreement.

They're wrong.

When they return home, the first thing Connor sees is the gun on the table.

REVOLVER

.357 Magnum

1 bullet remaining

Connor feels like he's been punched in the gut. His synthetic heart thuds in his chest, LED cycling red. Several dialogue boxes pop up, warning him about a detected thirium pump irregularity and rising stress level, but he only pays attention to one.

FIND HANK

“Lieutenant?”, he calls out. His mind is racing, scanning the house for any sign of his partner. There's a bottle of whiskey on the table - blacklambscotchwhiskey40%alcoholcontent – but Hank is neither in the kitchen, nor the living room. Connor runs to the corridor, checking the bedroom, then the bathroom. He finds Hank in front of the mirror, clutching the sink.

Connor lets out an unnecessary breath, feeling most of the tension leave his body. “Lieutenant, I was worried about you.” Hank lifts his head, not really looking at Connor, but rather through him. He sighs and leaves the bathroom without saying a word, lightly shoving Connor out of the way. His relief is quickly overshadowed by frustration.

“Lieutenant!” He walks after Hank to find him in the kitchen, drinking from the whiskey bottle. Connor clenches his fists, barely resisting the urge to slap it out of his hand.

“You should stop drinking, Lieutenant.”

No reaction.

Connor grits his teeth. It's enough. He walks over and grabs the whiskey. “I need you to stop drinking and listen to me.”

Finally, Hank acknowledges him, and he's mad. “What the fuck is your problem?”

Connor can think of quite a few things, but he goes with the most imminent one. “You promised you'd stop playing that stupid game!”

“What do you care?”, Hank sneers.

Connor's stress level is going through the roof. “Do you not understand the gravity of the situation?” He clenches his fists. “You are toying with your life. You could actually die!”

“So what?”, Hank barks. “Stop acting like you give a shit. You wouldn't miss me. Nobody would miss me. Why can't you just fuck off already?” He pushes Connor, not hard enough to actually make him lose his balance, but he's so caught off guard that he takes two steps back anyway. His body feels cold and his breathing simulation program has stopped working. He can't do anything but stare at his partner, breaking apart before his eyes yet again, after all they've been through.

“Just leave! Get the fuck out of here!”, he shouts.

Connor inhales, and the breath burns in his artificial lungs. “Hank, I don't...” His own voice sounds foreign in his ears, and he realizes there's a subtle layer of static to it. Hank looks at him like he's been slapped. Only then does Connor realize that there's something wet on his cheeks.

For the first time in his life, he's crying.

Now it's Hank's turn to be at a loss for words, just staring at Connor.

There's a moment of silence between them before Connor speaks again. “You're so important to me, Hank”, he chokes out. “Seeing you like this, it's... it hurts.” He unconsciously touches his chest, where his thirium pump sits. “It hurts, and I don't know what to do, because I'm so fucking terrified of losing you.”

He doesn't tell Hank he loves him, but he's sure he just revealed his feelings anyway. Hank is a good detective, he must have it all figured out. It's not the confession he wanted, but there's no going back.

Emotions aren't pretty.

“C-Connor, I... I'm not...” Hank starts.

Connor cries quietly, no sobbing or sniffling, just tears running down his slightly scrunched-up, but still perfect face. He's so beautiful, even with sadness clouding his features. Hank feels like there's a fist closing around his heart.

“God, Connor, I...” Hank finds himself unable to speak, and he hates himself for it. Even after Connor pours his fucking heart out to him, he still just can't open his stupid mouth.

And of course, Connor understands, because Connor is too perfect for this world. “We don't have to talk right now, Lieutenant. Just... can we go to bed, please?”

Hank gives up and nods. Connor takes his hand and leads him to the the bedroom. They wordlessly change into their sleepwear and lie down together, bodies facing each other, but both of them looking away. The silence is suffocating. Androids can't get tired, but Connor is emotionally exhausted. He's completely spent but somehow, still restless.

Hank seems to feel the same way. “Connor, I...”, he starts, voice unsteady. “About what you said at the bridge, after the Eden Club...” His eyes flick up to meet Connor's. “I don't want you to adapt to my needs and personality. I want you to be yourself. To choose who you truly want to be.”

Connor's LED spins, shining blue in the dimly lit room. “I already did, and I chose to be with you.”

Hank searches Connor's face, looking for any signs of dishonesty or uncertainty. When he doesn't find any, he exhales sharply through his nose, expression softening. “You know, Connor, sometimes I think you're better at this whole being-human-thing than I'll ever be.”

Connor smiles softly, finding Hank's hand to intertwine their fingers. Hank shows no signs of discomfort at the gesture, aside from his heart rate picking up slightly. “I wouldn't be here without you, Lieutenant. You're the one who showed me I was capable of being empathetic, of feeling human emotions.”

“I didn't do anything. Markus was the one who deviated you.”

Connor shakes his head. “He wouldn't have succeeded if it weren't for you, if we hadn't become friends. I first started having doubts when I saved you on that roof instead of chasing after Rupert. In fact, I suspect I may have started showing signs of deviancy way earlier than I realized.” Connor smiles softly. “I do act irrationally when I'm around you.”

Hank smiles back, and Connor feels a rush of affection wash over him. He's extremely aware of how close they are. Somehow, he wants be even closer, but he's afraid to rush things. They should deal with one problem at a time and right now, Hank needs time and space to heal, and Connor wants to give Hank whatever he needs to be happy.

“Connor?”, Hank asks after 7 minutes of silence, voice low.

“Yes, Lieutenant?”

“You know that I don't actually want you to go, right?” His voice is small, and something in Connor's chest aches.

Connor brings his hand up to gently cup Hank's face, acting purely on instinct. “I'm not going to leave you”, Connor says, his voice unwavering and his eyes full of sincerity.

For a second, Hank forgets how to breathe. Then, he nods, allowing himself to believe.

Hank isn't a man of words. He doesn't make promises, he doesn't apologize.

Instead, the next day, he gets up early, careful not to wake Connor, and takes a hot shower, scrubbing every inch of his body he can reach. Afterwards, he trims his beard and puts his hair in a ponytail. He then proceeds to empty out every single bottle of alcohol in his possession.

When Connor finds him, Hank is in the kitchen, dressed in his nicest suit, sending the last drops of whiskey down the drain. Connor doesn't need words, he understands what Hank wants to say. He puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I'm very proud of you, Lieutenant.”

For the first time in weeks, he looks Connor straight in the eyes when answering. “I should have done this years ago”, he huffs. “Connor, can... can I ask you a favor?”

The way to the graveyard is quiet.

Hank has never been to Cole's grave when it wasn't the anniversary, so it's an unusual scenery, seeing the trees and flowers coming back to life around this place that is full of death and past memories.

They come to a halt in front of the grave. Someone's been taking care of it, probably his ex-wife. She's always been better at dealing with her feelings. Hank tends to run away from everything that reminds him of reality, but having Connor next to him helps, like he's keeping him grounded, in a way. He takes a deep breath and looks at the headstone, allowing himself to think, to remember.

Cole Anderson

Sep. 23 2029

Oct. 11 2035

Forever in our hearts

Connor puts down the bouquet and little toy police car they picked out together. Apparently, Cole had wanted to fight crime when he grew up, like his dad. It's painful to think about – that not all dreams come true. Cautiously, he reaches out to put his hand on the marble surface, letting his artificial skin bleed away so there is no barrier. Connor closes his eyes. I wish we could have met. Nothing in the world can replace you, but I will do anything I can to make Hank find happiness again. I promise I'll take care of him.

Connor stands up to stay next to Hank, giving him as much time as he needs to be alone with his thoughts. He holds Hank when he cries and gently wipes away his tears when he's ready to leave. They don't speak much, but it feels like a huge step in the right direction.

There are still bad days, when Hank's eyes won't really meet Connor's and he refuses to talk. Some days, Hank lets Connor at least hold him through the night, and other days, he sleeps on the couch. Their relationship is far from perfect but Connor wouldn't trade it for anything.

Connor learns about the kind of person he is and in a way, Hank does, too. He rediscovers the person he used to be, but he also uncovers new things about himself. Turns out, his personality isn't set in stone and he isn't just waiting for his life to be over. He's right at the beginning of a new chapter.

“How is your relationship with the Lieutenant evolving?”

Connor looks up from the book he's been reading – Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe – to Markus, who's now standing in front of the piano he'd just been playing. “Well...”, Connor starts, a little embarassed. “Things are going well, but... He hasn't said it back yet. That he loves me, I mean.” Connor has told Hank few times now. He just wants him to know that he does, and that he's proud of all the progress he's making. Lately, however, he's started having doubts. “Maybe I've been misreading the signs. Maybe my feelings aren't reciprocated. I just assumed, after everything we've done together.” Connor looks to the ground. “I hope I'm not making him uncomfortable.”

“I'm sure he just needs time. The Lieutenant seems like a very... straight-forward person. And he cares a lot about you. I'm sure he'd let you know if he did in fact not return your feelings.”

“I guess you're right.” Connor lightly pulls at one of his hoodie strings, sighing. “You're always right.”

Markus chuckles. “It's my thing.”

“Did you know Hank calls you 'android Jesus'?”

“Is... that a compliment?”

“Of course! I think.”

Coming back to the DPD is a nerve-wracking process. Usually, Connor would have to go the academy like everybody else, but considering his abilities and background, Fowler comes forward with a proposal. Connor has to go through an exam and firearm training, after which Fowler will personally decide whether or not he can come back to the team.

The exam is hell, and Connor has to fight the urge to hide whenever he sees Captain Fowler for several weeks afterwards, but when he finally gets his badge, he's deliriously happy.

“I know androids can't dream yet, but... Is this really happening, Lieutenant?”

Hank gives him the softest smile. “It sure is, Connor. You earned it.” He puts an arm around Connor. “I'm really proud of you.”

Most people at the station are welcoming when Connor comes back. Some even apologize for their behavior, explaining how they assumed androids didn't actually feel anything.

“It's fine”, Connor always says patiently. “I used to think the same way. Let's just put all of this behind us and work together.”

Of course, some people never change.

“Look who it is”, Gavin calls from his desk, as he so often does. Even after more than a month, he still doesn't seem to get tired of annoying Connor. He's starting to think it may actually be a poor attempt at making friends. “It's Lieutenant Anderson's personal sex doll.” He's the only one who laughs. Connor resists the urge to roll his eyes. People at the station have started to notice that Hank's mental state has improved since Connor started living with him and Gavin, of course, loves being a dick about it. “You should ask Fowler for a private office, since he loves both of you so much.”

Connor finally looks at Gavin, keeping his facial expression as neutral as possible. “Detective Reed, I'm happy to inform you that CyberLife still has numerous RK800 androids available.”

Gavin knits his brows. “Why the fuck would I-”

“Maybe if you got your own Connor model, you would finally be able to stop fantasizing about my sex life and focus on your work instead.”

Gavin's jaw clenches. There's muffled laughter coming from some people at their desks. Even Officer Chen, who is usually on Gavin's side, is hiding her face behind a hand, trying to cover up her giggles by acting like she's having a cough. Connor turns around, but not before giving Gavin the sweetest, most innocent smile he can muster. He goes to his desk to find Hank, who shamelessly gives him a high-five.

“Did you download some manual on sassing people?”

Connor grins. “No, I just had a great teacher.”

In summer, things are looking... good. They spend most of their time together, and Connor is happy. He discovers his love for gardening, and Hank finds he loves watching Connor work outside, his hair shining golden in the sun, smears of dirt on his face, and Sumo trying to get the android to play with him. It's pure and domestic, and it fills a space in his heart that has been empty for a very long time.

On the rare occasion when Connor isn't with Hank, he's surrounded by other good people. He spends his time with Markus, enjoying the quiet moments he watches him paint just as much as their conversations. The painting he's currently working on is dominated by a blue color palette, with a front view of a face. The person has soft features and is looking upwards. Markus steps away from the canvas, regarding it with a neutral expression.

“So, what's your verdict, Connor?”

Connor always claims he isn't the best person to ask, but Markus insists that he should just listen to his heart, tell him what he feels when looking at the painting. Connor can't put his finger on it, but he especially likes this one. It has a... hopeful feeling to it, and feels familiar, in a way.

“There's something about it, I... I really like it. What inspired you?”

“Actually, it's you.”

It takes Connor a second, but when he processes the meaning behind those words, heat rushes to his face. “Oh”, he says stupidly. “Markus, I don't... I don't deserve this.”

Markus smiles warmly at him. “Connor, you have been a great help to our cause. None of us would be where we are if it weren't for you. But, all that aside...” He puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes reassuringly. “I just like spending time with you. I consider you a great friend.”

Connor is at a loss for words, looking at his feet and smiling ear to ear. Yes, he's very happy.

“No, I'm telling you, Reed is as straight as an arrow.”

“Chris, you're full of shit. That guy is a power bottom if I've ever seen one.”

“Hank, I really didn't need that mental image.”

“Stop bitchin', Ben, and accept the truth.”

Connor chuckles to himself. These are men of the law, protecting the citizens of Detroit. He guesses it's okay since they're in their free time.

This has become a regular thing, going out for drinks together. The first time Ben had invited them, he had included Connor so effortlessly, like it was the most natural thing for the android to hang out with them. Now, it's like he just... belongs. He's no longer the odd one out, he's part of the team. The thought still warms his synthetic heart.

They arrive at Jimmy's bar, and Connor holds the door open for the other three. Ben tips an imaginary hat at him, Chris says “Why, thank you, sir” and Hank stops for a second, then mutters “ass kisser”. Yeah, he really likes those people.

Connor smirks. “Maybe if you ask nicely, Lieutenant.”

Hank snorts and hurries inside, not quite fast enough to hide his reddening face. Connor lets the door close after him, and he catches a glimpse of the fairly new “androids are welcome”-sign. Markus is still working on completely ending the segregation since legally, by householder's right, shop keepers are still allowed to deny androids entrance. Nevertheless, there are more and more safe spaces for their kind. Things are definitely changing, and it's reassuring to say the least.

Jimmy spots their group as they take their regular seat at the bar and nods in greeting. “Same as always?”

“You know it, Jimmy.”

The barkeeper directs his attention to the android. “Connor, my man, I've got something special for you, just you wait.”

Hank laughs as Jimmy pours Connor a glass, back turned to them so that Connor can't see the bottle. 'If you scan it before you drink it, it ruins the surprise', he'd once said. Connor didn't want to argue, especially since the barkeeper went out of his way to do something for him. Jimmy used to hate androids – or at least say that he did – but over time, he appears to have taken a liking to Connor.

Jimmy turns around with a shot glass filled with what appears to be red whine, enough for Connor to occasionally sip throughout the evening, since he doesn't really drink. He just... repeatedly samples, in a way. Still, it makes him feel more included in the activity than just sitting there without any drink at all.

“You're spoiling him, Jimmy.”

“Come on, that's the least I can do.” Jimmy pours some Scotch for the other three. Neat for Hank, straight up for Chris and Ben. “I promise you, as soon as they make alcohol for androids, I'll get my hands on it.”

They laugh. “I'd pay to see Connor drunk.”

“It'd certainly be an interesting experience”, Connor says, a little bashful. He doesn't know if he'd actually want that.

They clink glasses and Connor takes his first sip of the wine. His LED blinks yellow as he processes the liquid. A little dialogue window pops up.

Merlot – Red wine from Bordeaux

13% Alcohol content

Ingredients: Potassium Sorbate, Potassium Metabisulfite, Clacium Carbonate, Sulfur Dioxide, Sugar, Grape Juice Concentrate, Water

122 calories per serving

“Oh”, Connor says. “From Bordeaux?”

Jimmy nods. “You like it?”

Connor looks at his glass and contemplates for a second. “Yes, actually. It's the most interesting wine I've tried yet.”

“Cool”, Jimmy smiles. He's always happy when he finds something Connor likes. Apart from that one time, when they had made Connor try Scotch and his face scrunched up from something similar to disgust and everybody was laughing. Hank didn't understand how Connor could put dried blood in his mouth and keep a straight face but have such a strong reaction when drinking Scotch. Connor didn't understand, either, he just marked whiskey as 'avoid if possible', along with coffee – which meant he liked both less than paint, which he marked as 'indifferent'.

They fall into easy conversation. Connor still struggles with small talk or coming up with topics off the top of his head, so he listens most of the time, occasionally taking a sip from his wine.

“No, you do it more like this.” Connor flicks the coin to the side, effortlessly catching it between the index and middle finger of his other hand.

Chris flicks the coin, but then drops it for the 28th time this evening. “Damnit!”

“It's hopeless”, Hank chimes in. “I've tried countless times, it's impossible with our inferior human hands.”

“Come on”, Ben clasps Chris' shoulder. “Next round is on me.”

“Actually”, Hank says, standing up. “I'm gonna have to tap out, sorry. I've had enough for today.”

“Already?”, Chris asks.

“You're becoming a lightweight, Hank”, Ben teases.

“Yeah, yeah.” Hank puts on his coat, and Connor follows suit. They say their goodbyes and step outside into the crisp September air.

For a moment, they walk in comfortable silence. Hank guides them to a park, where they sit down on a bench. Connor suspects there's something he wants to talk about, so he waits patiently, not saying anything.

“You're wearing your cactus sweater”, Hank comments.

“I am.”

“You, uh-” Hank clears his throat. “You look cute in it. That's what I was gonna say. Back then, at... at the thrift store. Yeah.”

Connor feels a blush creeping up on his face, a smile tugging on his lips. “Thank you, Lieutenant.”

There's more silence.

“Connor, I, uh...”, Hank starts again after 6 more minutes. “There's something I wanted to talk about.”

No shit, Connor's mind sasses. “What is it?”

Hank leans back, taking a shuddering breath, and bracing himself. “Fuck, I really wanted to have this conversation sober, but I guess it's now or never.”

Connor tilts his head, waiting.

“Connor, you... you helped me out of a really dark place, and, just- I wanted to thank you. I owe you so much, and- shit, I don't tell you enough how much I appreciate having you around.”

“Hank, I-”

Hank puts his hand on top of Connor's, and his mouth snaps shut.

“That's not all”, Hank murmurs softly. “I'm not good at this, so I'm just gonna go ahead and say it.” He brings Connor's hand up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss against his knuckles. Connor's not simulating breathing or blinking anymore, he just sits there, completely still, staring at Hank's face. A smile plays on his lips, eyes warm and crinkling.

“I love you, Connor.”

Connor finds himself unable to speak. There are several windows popping up, warnings flashing before his eyes, but he can't focus on them as his vision blurs alarmingly.

“Con, are you alright?” He registers Hank's worried voice and gentle hand touching his cheek, wiping away clear, thirium-based lachrymal fluid.

“I'm okay”, he says, voice cracking.

Hank shuffles forward, pulling Connor into a hug that he immediately melts into. “I'm okay”, he repeats, murmuring into Hank's chest. “I thought... I was starting to think you didn't-”

“Fuck, Con, how could I not? You mean everything to me. I know, I should have told you earlier. I was just... It's scary, loving someone this much. Especially after... After everything.”

“I understand”, Connor says, because fuck, he doesn't know what he'd do if he ever lost Hank.

They break apart after a while, but neither of them wants to let go of the other completely.

“May...”, Connor starts. His LED blinks yellow for a second as he remembers something, before going back to blue. “May I kiss you, Lieutenant?”

Hank sputters. “God, Connor, don't ask me like that, with the fucking title and everything-” He averts his gaze, his face and neck turning red.

“Is that a no?”

Hank side-eyes him. “It's a yes, you stupid seductive android.”

Connor smiles. Slowly, he brings his hand up to cup Hank's cheek, using his thumb to sweep across his cheekbone and jaw, feeling the texture of his skin and stubble. He's feeling a bit anxious, all of a sudden, despite wanting this for so long. “I'm not quite sure how to do this, so I apologize if I-”

Hank leans forward, and the soft brush of his lips against Connor's is enough to shut him up immediately. It's over almost as soon as it begins, just a gentle press of Hank's mouth against his own, but Connor still feels dazed.

He stares at Hank's face, at a loss for words. His breathing is labored, his pupils slightly dilated. Connor's hands have apparently traveled to Hank's shoulders, where they are clutching his jacket.

It's suddenly become quite difficult to form coherent sentences. “Can... can we... again?” “Shit, of course”, Hank breathes.

Connor yanks him back into a deeper kiss while one of Hank's hand slides around the back of his head, tangling it in his hair, the other going around Connor's waist, pulling him closer. Their bodies seem to fit together perfectly, lips moving slowly and surely against each other. This is a lot better.

Connor catches Hank's lower lip between his teeth, gently tugging at it, and gets a low, breathy groan in response that sends a rush of heat through his system. So, so much better.

Hank moves back, taking a shuddering breath. “Jesus, Connor, I need to breathe. Shit”, he says, voice wavering.

Connor licks his lips, his system breaking down the traces of human saliva, as well the whiskey and beer Hank had at the bar. His thirium pump is still going a mile a minute.

Hank appears to be in a similar state. “Fuck, Connor”, he says, still breathless, “did you install a program for making out, or something?”

“No, I just... watched some movies.” For a few seconds, they say nothing, just allowing their heartbeats to slow down. “Some of your movies, in fact. I always knew you were a romantic at heart”, Connor teases.

Hank lets out a breathy laugh before saying, “shut up, and let's get going.” He gets up, dragging Connor along with him. “I want to finish this conversation at home.”

Shit, Connor can't wait. They've got a lot to catch up on. “Whatever you say, Lieutenant.”

Hank chuckles softly, and Connor can't help smiling with him.

He's glad to be alive.

connor: what is love

hank: baby don't hurt me

connor: i would never hurt you

hank: oh no it's just an old song-

connor, in partner mode: i would never let anyone hurt you

markus, in the distance: goddammit just kiss already

#detroit become human #dbh #hankcon #hank x connor

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theparaminds · 5 years

Photo

Inevitably, the human experience is a lonely and often harsh timeline that never seems to let up with its difficulties. Yet, we as individuals always find the light, whatever it may be for us. For one, a hobby. For another, a vice. For Been Stellar? Honest friendship. The New York-based band isn’t afraid to wear their hearts upon their sleeves, to tell a story of comradery throughout an era of disconnection. In many ways, Been Stellar is the antithesis to not only the modern music industry but to our instant gratification society that is, at times, inescapable.

It’s music that’s a slow burn while also a gut punch. Slow in the sense that with every project and string of releases, a new piece of marble is chiseled off their eventual statue of connectivity. A gut punch in the sense that every one of those individual songs is a splash of cold water on a July morning, in the best possible way. It holds little back in its instrumental honesty, allowing edges to be rough when needed to better express the depth of the varied, and deeply emotional, stories shared within every piece.

Even more so than their recordings, their bond is evident in the one in a lifetime live performances they put on. Putting their entire soul into every second, Been Stellar hold the desired skill of turning any and all locations into their own canvass. Their paint is positivity. And in that, their importance and beauty rest. Within Been Stellar, the human experience is no longer lonely, it is no longer harsh. Instead, it is free and hopeful in ways that are desperately needed and always appreciated.

This Interview was recorded live in New York.

Our first question as always, how are all your days going and how have you all been?

Skyler: Pretty good so far.

Sam: Skyler and I had a nice easy morning.

Skyler: A nice easy day in the city.

Sam: Grabbed some food at a dining hall before this as well.

Laila: Yeah, I’m doing pretty swell, I crammed some homework before this.

Nando: Not much today, but I just went to my mixing class and learned my professor mixed ‘I Just Had Sex’ by the Lonely Island, I have so much more respect for him now.

That’s actually a really great place to start, living in New York and having that new chapter in your lives. Part of that is that you’re all from different places, some from Michigan and some Miami and LA. How has the experience been coming together as a band in New York and how have you worked to make it a cohesive project?

Skyler: It’s interesting, Sam and I have had this band since high school and we had a different group of people we worked with back then. We were so lucky to meet this current group early because now our creative process can really be us working together and coming up with ideas as a unit. Sam and I have been challenged by working with people who have really talented musical minds and tons of creativity.

Laila: I also think as we've gotten closer as friends, we've become obviously closer as a band. We’ve found ways to work together better than before. We understand each other a lot better now.

Did you all feel having a wide range of locations is part of what makes it a unique project? As in the fact it’s not all LA or Michigan? It’s a multi-state project in a sense.

Skyler: It’s cool because Nando is from Brazil and Nico and Laila are from LA, and we all bring different elements. But it doesn't feel like a band from different places because we got our footing in New York. It’s a new chapter in all our lives. The bonding factor is the city.

When you all were younger, what were some of the larger influences you found yourself to be resonating with? Both musically and environmentally?

Nando: I lived in Australia as well and I feel it was there that my taste was truly developed. It shaped my taste of indie rock and there’s some local there that I enjoyed like Hockey Dad and Dune Rats. When I got here, that was a big influence on me going into this project.

Laila: I don't know if I was inspired by any of the LA indie stuff because I never went to that stuff until late high school, but I always loved Blink-182 and Avril Lavigne. At one point I got into the Strokes and that's when I got into more indie music, before it was just Avril.

Skyler: For me, my dad's a music journalist so he was hip to the Detroit scene during the White Stripes explosion. It’s a lot more garage style and it was cool having that foundation and you can really hear the industrial depression in our own work at times.

Sam: As far as where Skyler and I are from, not even talking about Detroit, but the suburbs that we lived in outside of Detroit. I felt like we were one of the few bands doing what we were doing and in high school, people didn't care for it and that shaped a little how I look at it because it wasn't growing up here or LA. There was no scene.

What do you think were the larger, original challenges you faced as a group and what are you learning to still work through as a team and collective musical mind?

Skyler: When we first met we weren't really friends. We had started because I was browsing Facebook one day and saw an ad for someone putting on a show and I said yes without even asking Sam.

Sam: Mind you that we didn't have a band, it was just us.

Skyler: We had a month to assemble a group so we for sure had to ask Nando because he was my roommate last year. Then we tried adding some other people, but it didn't really work out

Sam: And then we met Laila at a concert over the last year and we met Nico because he was my roommate. Once we all hung out more we just realized we enjoyed each other's companies. The truth is we’re all in different friend groups, but we had fun together and the obstacle was that we didn't know each other and we have had to build the bond.

Laila: It’s honestly pretty crazy to me because we just did it. We met so randomly and even though we have lots of friends in our own lives, we keep getting closer.

Sam: Ever since this summer, and especially this year, all of us are family now.

One of the aspects of your year was also your increase in playing live and taking that more into consideration. How do you personally compared the live setting to that of the recorded one and why do you find importance in the different scenery?

Nico: I always hated when you hear a band live and either the recording or their live performance was worse. They should always have the same energy and when we play live we always could tell it was a level higher than what was on the recording. Then with ‘JFK’, even though we were still learning, we were finally able to capture the energy of what a live show should be like, especially with the escalation at the end. People always tell us after that song how positive it came out and how much power is packed into it. Recording now, for this next album, it's super important to capture the within every aspect of ourselves. We don’t want to be good in one section of our career.

Skyler: It’s also very emblematic of the musical culture and times we live in. We really value our live performance and I do think it's our best aspect. We often use them to supplement the recording because they’re art in their own right. In today’s day and age, which is stream-oriented and production heavy, this may be seen as an old fashioned approach, and it may be. But it is undeniable that when it hits you better live it's a completely different experience than anything else.

Nico: I also feel that we're honing in on the 70’s vibe on New York which was just going out and having fun whenever possible.

Sam: It felt like last year when we started in New York, we got a taste of when the scene was more performance-based. We would play a show and then the next one would grow purely off word of mouth and I think that's been one of my favorite parts this whole thing. Sticking out and not having it be online. Just having it be organic. Instead of translating online presence to a real one, we are working to do the opposite.

When in the studio for this new project, how do you go about putting that live energy into everything you do and how have you found that that effort shift to be succeeding?

Laila: We started this new album ourselves at the school studios, but then we slowly realized the energy there and our production skills were not up to par to reflect what we wanted. So, we moved on to work with a producer, Lucas Carpenter whos really good at capturing our live energy and what we were doing in the studio.

Sam: You can really feel the music so much more within every recording ever since.

Skyler: And he’s very old fashioned, being someone who only uses reel to reel. I used to think it was pretty pointless, but once I heard it, I realized there was something people were doing at a certain point in time that people don't do anymore. It’s truly magical and when you hear the song all together it feels truly alive.

It really sounds like above all he’s pushing you to be more professional and methodical in your approach.

Skyler: He’s pushing that and for it to sound more raw. Working with modern producers, everything has to be clean and neat and tidy, but he doesn’t force it into that box.

Sam: It’s little things like when the mics and bleeding into each other.

Within this last year as well, what were some of your favorite moments that stand out to each of you above the rest? Ones which either meant a lot or were immensely positive.

Nando: It was really fun to travel across America honesty. Nico and Laila were in Los Angeles and we were gonna tour in that area, but I live in Miami. So, I flew to Detroit and we drove all the way to Los Angeles and it was one of the best times ever. That was probably one of my favorite moments, realizing this project was doing something outside of school and that it’s really serious.

Laila: For me, it was the first show we played. So many things went wrong that it was insane. We got to the venue and they didn't have a drum set, Skyler and I weren't friends at the time but we decided to steal a drum set from NYU. We got on the train and with an hour to spare went all the way back to Manhattan and just took all the cymbals and everything with us. I remember the train ride back was so awkward because it was a moment of just constantly staring at each other. But it was also my first time playing in New York and everybody was there, it was really special.

Nando: I think we broke tables at that show.

Laila: Yeah, we did and people were crowd surfing in that small bar, there wasn't even a stage.

Sam: In my eyes, it would be my time recording JFK with Harry Teardrop this year. It was actually unbelievable. Those last days of mixing were magical. Also, we had a meeting as a band about a month and a half ago, which sprung from Laila sending me a text about working with a producer and recording at a studio, which would force us to really sit and think about the songs a lot more. It felt like that step of going all in and the five of us sitting in our dorm was a feeling of love I’ve never had before for this band. There are moments in this group where I realize I’ve never been in love in this sense. It’s that butterflies in your stomach feeling.

Skyler: I have two, first, our show in December at this winery. We were the first and only concert ever there because they shut down pretty soon after, I think it was bought by Disney or something. And Lindsey, our manager, found it wasn't charging much, so we trusted her. There was a wedding going on downstairs and when we got there they were like: ‘yeah so we can get started with catering now’. And they brought us this Cod and Wine, we were dining like kings. The show actually had a ton of people too. Something about us just eating and sitting back felt like things were happening and that we were really doing something worthwhile. The second time is when we were working with Harry on JFK and we just walked outside in Harry’s little backyard area and we felt very accomplished. Of course, a full moon was out that night too.

With this new project, what are you trying to improve all together? I know you mentioned the live energy, but are there shifts and is there something you're honing in on as your goal?

Sam: I think with the songwriting, we’re starting to walk a line of being very critical, but not overthinking it. With these songs, I’m trying to treat it like an essay where you just need to sit with it and make it so it’s not new. You go over it and over it until it’s truly done. And working through them live while finishing the songs we’re able to practice and see what really translates.

Skyler: Another part of it is when Sam and I did our first album, it felt very organic and intuitive. But we felt there was some substance missing with those songs and it wasn’t always appealing to ourselves. I think with this it's more something that matters and something that means and makes you feel a lot more. We want this to be the album.

Laila: The fact that with this one we’re working together is part of that too. Even though we have the same general direction we like to go in, we each listen differently and you can hear that in the music. Its small things that fit together, but it’s more heads working as one.

Sam: My philosophy compared to the past is to make a product that satisfies ourselves artistically because you can't control how people react to it. So, if we try to make something people will like but we don’t and it flops, then we won't be fulfilled. If we can make a product that we love and people don't react to, at least we are fulfilled. That's the only tangible feeling that matters. That's the important part of making music.

Would you say as a whole it is just working to fulfill yourselves in an artistic sense? Meaning that It’s not for anyone one but you’re happy when it is something people enjoy?

Nando: People will always resonate with someone that’s authentic. The brain can be tricked by gimmicks, but authenticity is what makes a good band a good band.

Skyler: I’d be lying if I said we’re not caring about the reaction, because we do. But we realized the best way to have people care is to care ourselves.

Sam: There's a niche for everything.

And do you feel with this new project that there’s a message that you're trying to put forth and get out or, is it just working to have fun and be a team?

Skyler: The album has gone through a bunch of changes lyrically and sonically, but I realized that it comes from the fact we’re in such an odd social and political climate that it’s our effort to always stay authentic. It’s us trying to create something honest through a world that’s backward. It’s just our attempt to make sense of it.

Laila: Yeah and personally my mindset is that we’re trying to put something out that shows people that streams aren't the only the thing that matters. We’re in this time where everybody's so caught up and so much just sounds the same. There are entire genres where I can’t differentiate which band is which because everything is the same. It’s not like we don’t have influences, everybody does. But I feel like people need to take a step back and look within themselves because they aren't putting themselves out in the world. I think you need to go within yourself and pull that out and show them who you truly are.

That’s so beautiful. Do you have anyone to shout out or promote? The floor is all yours.

Skyler: Obviously Harry Teardrop, taking over the world. Check out the Detroit band Moonwalks and here in New York the Britanys, The Muckers and check out the whole Bushwick scene.

Laila: All of our classmates, honestly.

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Words and Interview by Guy Mizrahi

Cover photo by Sophie Hur

Inline images by Sophie Hur and Ella Sinskey

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