#but maybe I’m just overthinking it bc I feel like I get crushed on men more often | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vodika-vibes · 3 months

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Heyoo!

I have a request, it’s a bit of a long gif so if ya don’t get to it or don’t wanna do it, it’s fine lol.

Anyways, my idea / request / prompt / Echo x Fem!Reader goes like this, kinda, feel free to take liberties

Echo, now I feel like he would be a nervous kinda guy when it comes to having a crush. Like, he just doesn’t know what to say and overthinks absolutely everything, and can’t rly take a hint. Before he got blown up, there was a girl, who he has a liiiitle crush on n such, (idk you can make her a mechanic, doctor, bartender, whatever idm)

And they were rly good “friends” n such r something, aaaand some time after he joins TBB he visits the old place where he used to reside with the other guys in the domino squad (I forget where *sob*) And she’s is surprisingly still there. Heartfelt angsty ?kinda? Maybe reunion yadayadaydada and a bit after that and after catching up, probably a day or two later they pick up hints that they like each other and eventually confess n StUfF, aaand ya, then he has to go back with TBB and they be sad, he invites her to join but she is hesitant, and bc the other squad members don’t even know her she ends up saying no- aaaaand ya-

( 💀 omg i don’t even know anymore )

Idk it’s a very weird prompt, I’m making this up as I go, so feel free to pick and choose, take or add, whatever u wanna do

Again if u don’t wanna do it that is perfectly fine, just a thought. Love your work! <33

I Dream Of Forever

Summary: Summary: You’ve been a bartender on Rishi since you were old enough to take orders correctly. Echo was a Clone Trooper turned ARC Trooper stationed on Rishi who was a little more than friends with you. You legitimately believe he’s dead. But when a group of clones land on Rishi, you come face to face with the man you hoped would be your forever.

Pairing: TBB Echo x F!Reader

Word Count: 2201

Warnings: Some suggestive moments, but nothing detailed

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: I thing I got the general vibe you want, but if I didn't please let me know and I'll do something else.

You’ve been a bartender at the same bar on Rishi since you were ten years old. Your parents had debts to the bar owner, and they sold you to make up for it. Well, you and your siblings.

You’re the lucky one.

Your…owner? Guardian? Whatever he is, he treats you like a beloved granddaughter. He buys you clothes and food and allows you to go to school…and until you reached the age of majority at 18, you only had to work four hours a night four days a week.

He even paid for you to go to college, and he pays you well enough that you have your own home here on Rishi.

You’re lucky.

Your older brother, you know, ended up becoming a gladiator in the Outer Rim, and last you heard he’s an enforcer for the Hutt Cartel. Your older sister, however, became a drug runner for a Spice Cartel and last you heard she’s moving from rehab center to rehab center.

You’re lucky.

Maybe if you repeat it often enough, you’ll believe it.

All things considered, Rishi isn’t the worst place to spend your life. The area you live in is warm and bright and right on the water. Not to mention you’ve got several friends here that you would miss if you left…or if the Empire decides to actually deal with the pirate problem.

You’re not worried though.

The Republic’s war with the Separatists barely touched Rishi afterall, aside from having a single watch station that has been abandoned for years now.

And you don’t expect that the Empire will push too much.

Your gaze drifts from the food stall that you’re visiting, lingering on the small, almost overgrown, old Republic comm station. Once upon there had been five men stationed there. Hevy, Droidbait, Cutup, Fives, and Echo.

While you had some concerns as to how the pirates of Rishi would react to obvious soldiers spending time in their bars…people were surprisingly okay with them. More than one of them getting an offer to join different crews.

A small smile lifts your lips at the memory of your boys laughingly turning down offers of pirate crew memberships.

The Dominos had been Rishi’s, more so than the Republics, and people raged when they heard that they died.

First when Droidbait and Cutup died, and then later when they heard that Hevy was killed on Kamino. And then even later when Echo was blown up, and then Fives was killed-

Fives’ death was kind of the final straw for Rishi.

Even now, the Pirates of Rishi are more than happy to raid imperial vessels, in honor of their Dominos.

You step around a group of Mercs, all of whom have dominoes tattooed on their hands, and start to meander your way back to your home. You miss them. All of them.

But, if you’re going to be honest, you probably miss Echo the most.

He was a lot like his brothers, loud and boisterous, and always ready with a joke or a quip, or to finish a joke that his twin set up. He was always the first to greet you with a grin, and the last to say goodbye at the end of the night.

But, unlike his brothers, he flirted with you a little shyly, as though he wasn’t sure what he was doing.

It was charming and sweet, and you found yourself smitten with him.

He didn’t, quite, get over his shyness with you even after the first time you invited him into your home with tempting kisses. He was still a little shy even after the tenth time you invited him into your home, and your bed, with teasing touches and adoring kisses.

You wanted forever with him, and you thought, hoped, that he wanted the same.

And then he left, and you never heard from him again.

You suppose, in a way, it makes sense. Why would a soldier want to slum it with a bartender who’s technically a slave.

Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

After all, you still dream of forever with Echo. Only now, your dreams are definitely castles in the air.

After all, dead men don’t get happily ever afters.

“We need to land somewhere,” Tech says to his brothers, a frown on his face, “The damage to the ship is…far too severe for me to repair without landing.”

“Where can we land, though?” Wrecker asks, “It’s not like there are a large number of places that will accept us.”

Echo eyes the star map speculatively, “I…may have an idea.” He offers, as his gaze lands on a specific planet. A bright smile dances across your memory, and a loving laugh echoes in his ears.

He’s a kriffing fool.

Hopefully she won’t turn him away.

“Well?” Hunter prompts when Echo doesn’t continue right away.

“I think we should go to Rishi.” Echo says slowly.

“Rishi!” Tech sputters.

“That’s a pirate planet, Echo.” Hunter says, “They won’t react well-”

“Do you have a better idea?” Echo asks.

The room falls silent for a moment, and then Tech sighs, “It is up to you, Hunter. Rishi is the closest planet we can land on.”

Hunter pushes his hand through his hair, “Fine. Do it.”

An hour later, the Marauder lands on an open pad, and no one comes to the ship to speak to them. “Is this…normal?” Tech asks.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Echo replies with a shrug, “We should probably not wear our armor here,” He adds. He’s already changed into civilian attire, and he’s somewhat anxiously rubbing his arm just over where his scomp is attached.

“Why?”

“Because our armor screams ‘clones’ and I’m not sure how the pirates will react to seeing clones now.” Echo replies dryly, “I’ve heard rumors of Rishi based Pirates raiding Republic and Imperial transports lately.”

Hunter agrees that it’s a reasonable precaution, and they all hurriedly change into civilian attire, before they get off the ship, with Omega clinging to Wrecker’s hand. And then, almost as one, they turn to Echo.

Echo sighs and rubs the back of his head, and then he turns and heads deeper into the city.

Some things have changed, new people, new stalls, but most everything else is the same. He pauses in front of a specific bar, and peers in, his dark eyes scanning the faces of the bartenders for a moment, before he motions for his brothers to follow him some more.

“Are you lookin’ for someone?” Wrecker asks.

“Yeah. Someone who, hopefully, won’t be too angry at me and will be willing to help.” Echo says.

“A friend?” Omega asks.

“Yeah, something like that.”

Echo leads them away from the shops and docks, and over to a row of apartments. He scans the buildings for a moment, before he turns and heads to one of the smaller buildings, and he stops in front of a plain door, with flower boxes in the windows.

His lips curl up in a small smile, Fives made those flower boxes early one morning when he was hyped up on Caf. They were crooked and lopsided, but it looks like she kept them. Though it looks like she painted them. “Wait here.” Echo says to his siblings, before he walks over to the door, and he knocks twice.

“Just a moment!” Her voice comes from the other side of the door, and Echo doesn’t fight his smile.

She sounds exactly the same.

Stars, please don’t let her be too mad.

The door slides open, “Yes? Can I help yo-” She stops mid-sentence when she sees who’s standing there, “...Echo?”

“You grew your hair out,” Echo replies, a small smile lifting his lips, “It looks good. You look amazing. I’m sure you have a question or twenty, cyar’ika-”

Echo’s not able to finish his sentence as she flings her arms around him and crashes her lips against his. His arms fold tightly around her and he immediately kisses her back, and it’s almost as if no time has passed at all.

If he focuses, he can almost hear Fives wolf-whistling and hear Cutup making lewd comments.

And then reality snaps back into place when he hears Tech’s dry voice, “Ah. That kind of friend.”

Echo carefully pulls back, and reaches up to gently cup her cheek, using his thumb to brush a tear away, “I’m sorry for not comming you, cyar’ika.”

She shakes her head, “We were told that you died.” She whispers, “Fives said…” She trailed off, “And then Fives died, and, kriff, the death of the last Domino started a war between the pirates of Rishi and the Republic/Empire, why would you bring them here?”

“Our ship is damaged-” Echo started.

“Get in. In. All of you!” She drags Echo into her home, and she doesn’t shut the door until Hunter is in the apartment as well. “Honestly Echo,” She rounds on him, “If you commed I would have told you to go literally anywhere else.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d answer.” Echo replies.

There are pictures of her with Echo, and with the rest of the dominoes on the walls. There are also pictures of her with a large, scarred man. And of her with a too slender woman.

“What do you need? I can probably get most of the materials sent to your ship.” She says.

“I have a list.” Tech offers as he hands her his datapad.

She copies it and sends the list to several of her friends, “Alright, you should have most, if not all, of what you need by the morning.”

“Are we in danger here?”

“On Rishi specifically? No. Not so long as you don’t draw attention to yourself.” She replies, “I’d offer to let you spend the night, but I don’t have much room.”

“We can stay on the ship,” Tech replies.

“Echo, are you going to stay here?” Omega asks.

Echo doesn’t take his gaze off of his cyar’ika, “If I’m allowed?”

“I’ve never turned you away before.” She counters.

Echo smiles at her, “Do you remember the way back to the docks?”

“I remember.” Tech says, “Come on.”

The door opens, and then closes again, leaving Echo alone with his cyar’ika.

She smiles at him, soft and warm and slow, “You used to be shyer about public displays of affection.”

“I used to have legs and two hands too,” Echo replies, it's a weak joke, but a joke all the same. “I’m so sorry I never commed you.” He says after a moment, “I thought…it felt cruel, reaching out to you when I couldn’t actually touch you.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

“Echo. I forgive you.” She walks over to him and she kisses him as if no time has passed at all, all loving and soft and sweet.

She’s always been unfairly tempting. Her lips and her touch encourage him to stay and enjoy what she’s offering. And Echo has always been helpless to deny her.

He’s not surprised when he falls into her bed, her lips needy against his.

Later, much later, they’re lounging in her bed, and Echo is trailing his lips across her bare shoulder.

“Cyar’ika,” He murmurs against her shoulder, “Come with me.”

“Come with you where?” She asks, her voice light and dreamy.

“On the Marauder. Away from Rishi. I’ll protect you-”

She turns and looks at him, her smile so sad, “You know I can’t.”

“You deserve so much better than being a slave for your parents' debts,” Echo whispers.

She rolls so that she’s facing him properly, “Echo, your brothers don’t know me. And if I had to guess, your ship is pretty small. Me going with you isn’t fair to them.”

“You deserve more.” Echo repeats.

“I don’t like life is about what we deserve,” She replies, as she reaches up to cup his face, “So, in the morning, you’re going to return to your ship, to your brothers…and you’re going to leave Rishi. And you’re going to go back to not comming me, and it’s just how it’s going to be.”

“No.”

“Echo.” She sighs his name, and he shifts so he’s looking right in her eyes.

“No.” He repeats, “I’ve given up so much. My body, my batchmates, my twin. I’m not giving you up. Let me be greedy. Just about this one thing.”

She sighs again, but she looks touched. “How about…a deal?”

“What kind of deal?”

“My contract with my…owner is coming to an end. At the end of the year, I’ll have made enough to pay off my parents' tab with him.” She says softly, “On that day, I will comm you and come to where you are. No matter where you might be.”

“Do you promise?”

She laughs softly, “Echo, I’ve been dreaming of forever with you since the first day we met. Now that I have the chance to have it, it would take an act of god to stop me.”

Echo crashes his lips against hers, “I want forever too,” He breathes against her lips, “So we have a deal.”

She smiles at him, “I love you, Echo.”

He blinks at her, momentarily surprised, and then he laughs and kisses her deeply, “I love you too.”

#star wars #tbb #tbb echo x reader #echo x reader #f!reader fic #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction #answered asks

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aizawasthot · 3 years

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just the way you are | kaminari d. & shinsou h.

warnings: body insecurity + insecurities in general

i’m sorry this took too long🥺🥺🥺 this has been sitting in my drafts for two months bc i feel like it’s so bad ): but here’s a soft hc for @cutekindacrazy’s req <3

kaminari

you were always so bubbly around everyone, and that was one of the main reasons why denki liked you

you matched his energy and he absolutely loves the fact that you’re always making everyone’s day brighter by just being there

you were high school sweethearts, and he’s so in love with you even after all these years

but once he started his pro career, he’s been very busy and so of course, you happen to feel a little unnoticed

he was getting brand promotion after another, so of course he’d have to model, and rarely does he model alone

he was always with other female models who look gorgeous and beautiful. he was surrounded by people his own league- they looked like gods and goddesses

who wouldn’t feel insecure when every other week he sees those beautiful people

you start worrying about how kaminari might compare you towards those men and women

he’d think you’re a little... average, right?

NO MAAM NO HE WOULDNT

he noticed that every time you’d see his ads online/on television/on a billboard, you’d kinda avert your eyes and have this sad look

he got it the wrong way. he thought you felt embarrased about being with him

so one day he asks you

and when he found out the reason he’d be like... bitch what

he’d make u feel so loved 😌🥰

reminds u that you’re the only one for him <3

“hey babe, i- i have a question,” kaminari speaks up from beside you. you were watching a new tv show you both started to binge.

“shoot,” you said, giving him a soft smile.

he looked nervous, which made you nervous. “are you embarrassed to be with me?”

“wh- what? why would you ask that kami?” you ask the boy, eyes softening as you lunge at him in a bone crushing hug.

“well, because i noticed that every time you see an ad or a poster or a billboard of me you...” he looks like a lost puppy, pouting.

your eyes widen at what he said. “kami- no, that’s not the reason,” you pull yourself back for a second, sighing.

“then what’s up y/n? talk to me,” he said, still with the puppy eyes. he pulls you on his lap, staring at you.

you felt guilty for making him feel bad. “it’s just that you know, you model with these beautiful people, and uhm, you know-”

kaminari shakes his head, “no i absolutely don’t know babe, tell me what’s wrong” 🥺😩

“don’t you feel like you’re dating someone who’s a little average? maybe even below average?” you muttered, looking away. “i thought you’d be embarrassed to be seen with me.”

kaminari had never heard such bs from someone before.

“y/n- babe, and i mean this in the nicest way possible, what the heck?” he looks at you in confusion. “i would never feel that way. i love you and that would never change. you know that, right?” (hng pls i want a kaminari)

“i- i mean yeah, but it’s just... they’re all beautiful and perfect and-“

“no, YOU are.” (he’s making the 😠 face at u rn) “i don’t care what they look like, i only care about you. i’m dating you AND i’m marrying you-”

“you’re marrying me?” you stare at him.

“i mean y-yeah... but not now, i mean i know we’re both focused on other things and— okay what i’m saying is, i’ll marry you someday.” he was a stuttering mess, but he made you feel so much better.

you giggle at him, grabbing his face with both of your hands. “and i’ll say yes to you someday,” you gave him a smile before kissing him softly.

“i love you, okay? you’re beautiful and perfect in my eyes, so you don’t need to worry about those models. you’re the only one for me.”

to make you feel better, you guys cuddled with his arms wrapped a little tight around you. but you didn’t mind because he made you feel so loved.

UGH I LOVE HIM <3

shinsou

you met shinsou at the cafe you work at

he’s always there right before his morning class, and soon you get to memorize what his order is

shinsou always gets a caramel latte with an extra shot of espresso (ngl this is my go-to order so :>) and he gets a croissant too!!

he’s always nice and friendly to the staff, even if they mess up (ugh we love a considerate king)

shinsou is more of the quiet type so you had to make the first move 😳 and the rest is history😌

anyway when you staryed dating he’s a little on the lowkey side of things

he doesn’t really do very fancy stuff and all that but you still love him <3

shinsou isn’t very verbal either, he’s more subtle on the affection that he shows you

but when you got hit on by a random guy during a party and he didn’t get mad and had nothing to say, you went into overthinking mode

you wondered if he didn’t care enough to react or comment on what happened

which led to you thinking that he probably knows that he can get any girl when you break up

which then led to you feeling very insecure when you get home

you dwelled for almost a week, overthinking things that made you feel insecure

you felt like you were being irrational, but you can help it

what if he actually doesn’t care that much?

you were significantly less energetic and a lot more quiet for most of that week

it took him a while to notice, but when he was absolutely sure that something was wrong, he asked if you could talk

when he finds out he’d be very reassuring 🥺 would tell u how much he loves u

ahsjsk just very soft shinsou <333

“is everything okay, kitten?” he asked, gesturing for you to sit down beside him on the couch.

“yes bub, everything’s okay,” you gave him a fake smile. you didn’t want to tell him what got you so worried, afraid that he’d think you’re too irrational.

but jokes on you, shinsou saw through your facade and was pressed on finding out what’s wrong.

“no it’s not,” he pouted, grabbing your waist to sit you down on his lap. “come on kitten, tell me what’s wrong.”

you stopped for a moment, unsure on how to explain yourself to him.

“baby,” he said, cupping your face in his hands as he looked into your eyes.

“it’s not a big deal, but last week when that guy was trying to flirt with me and you didn’t say anything, i felt like you didn’t really care,” you caved in, avoiding his eyes. your eyes start to water; you didn’t want to be that type of person, but you felt too overwhelmed with emotions.

he felt a pang in his heart when he heard your quicering voice. “first of all kitten, it is a big deal when what i did made you upset, and second, of course i cared about what happened,” he murmured as he pulled you against his chest, embracing you tightly.

“it’s just that, you know, i thought you didn’t care enough about me to react to what happened...” you trailed off, burying your head into his chest, a few loose tears falling.

“kitten,” he sighed softly against the top of your head. “i didn’t react because i trust you enough to know that you wouldn’t leave me just like that— i mean you’d never leave me like that, would you?”

“o-of course not! i love you too much,” you cried out, looking up at him. “i would never leave you for someone else.”

“i wouldn’t leave you either, kitten,” he said, giving you a small peck on the forehead. “but really, i didn’t say anything about it because i trust you. i trust you with my whole heart. i didn’t mean for you to be upset, i just didn’t want you to feel suffocated in our relationship.”

you nodded slightly, understanding his position.

“and i mean, could i blame them? my baby is gorgeous as hell, so i’m not surprised that they’d wanna try to take you away,” he chuckled. “but again, i trust you, so i know you’re always gonna be my kitten.”

giggling at his words, you wrapped your arms around him, feeling a lot better. it warmed your heart to know that he put that much trust in you. you felt guilty for not trusting him.

“i’m sorry. i feel silly for thinking that,” you pouted, giving him a peck on his soft lips.

“don’t ever apologize for telling me what you feel, kitten. i don’t want you to keep things from me, okay?”

“okay bub. i love you,” you said, giving him a kiss.

“i love you, too, kitten.”

after that, he would always reassure you that he loves you and cares about you 🥺

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nothorses · 3 years

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So like before I figured out I'm a trans guy [huzzah!!] I id'd as bi, but now that I'm getting more comfortable with myself and thinking about what I want and what I like I think I might actually be gay? It's funny bc I know more than a few trans guys who've id'd as lesbians in the past, but I never did bc I've always been VERY boys (and when one lesbian friend of mine was like 'are u sure you aren't really just a lesbian experiencing comphet' I was VERY insulted ngl). But I have had (like.. 2) crushes on girls in the past (as opposed to.. way way way more than that w guys). I've just been reflecting on it in a very confused manner like [math meme] comphet????? IDK. anyway this is a v chaotic vibe, I guess I was just wondering if anyone else experienced anything similar

I mean, it’s very up to you how you identify, tbh!

I personally am still figuring out what attraction even is to me, and having honest, identifiable feelings toward others is still a very recent thing. But if I count all the things I’ve labeled as crushes at the time, it’s possible I’ve had feelings for men, women, and nonbinary folks of a lot of genders.

I call myself gay or mlm regardless, because I’m not sure, and the ones I am sure of have been men, or identified pretty heavily with maleness/masculinity. There’s a possibility I could be attracted to women, but I don’t really know. And I don’t really have any interest in dating women anyway.

Could I be bi? Maybe! But it doesn’t feel like “bi” meaningfully describes anything about my orientation right now. It doesn’t communicate what I want to communicate about myself.

You don’t need to have liked exclusively boys at all times from the dawn of time in order to consider yourself gay. If there are a few here and there that don’t fit the pattern, that’s pretty normal! It’s okay to still call and consider yourself gay.

In terms of sorting out whether your feelings for someone were ever real, uhh, please let me know if you crack that particular code. Between my inability to trust myself & my obsessive overthinking, I’m 23 and I’m only 100% certain about one singular crush I’ve ever had. Which started literally last month. I think sometimes it’s just a process of learning to trust your gut and go with what feels right, and I’m sorry that that’s probably the least helpful thing I’ve said.

Good luck in working this all out, and huge congrats on figuring gender things out!!

#Anon #Ask

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lifeofcynch · 4 years

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coming out?😳

uhh so i’ve actually been questioning myself for a long time... but i kept telling myself each time ‘nah i’m straight. this and that doesn’t mean anything! i’m just thinking too far into things, right?’ because... i don’t even know?? this shit is confusing. i thought that i was misinterpreting things and that my autism was making me confused, but like... everyone wonders sometimes! but i feel like there’s a point of questioning yourself that goes past the regular amount? these thoughts and feelings have been on and off since i was like 13. i feel like that says something. i thought i’d only had crushes on boys but i think back to this really sweet and nice girl in my class in middle school who, despite my shyness and social difficulties, woyld always be friendly with me and talk to me. i remember thinking she was pretty. and i still do, whenever i see her, which isn’t often. i was never really able to get out of my shell, so when i went to another school, the friendship we did have faded. i am in a relationship now with a super sweet guy who i love with my entire heart and wanna stay with, but i tried imagining what it would be like to hypothetically be with that girl, and i found that i honestly wouldn’t mind! i’m comfortable with it! i have my preferences with personality and stuff, just like with guys (i definitely prefer men though.) there’s also the fact that there are certain female characters i find myself looking at in a different way (like eda clawthorne, or jucika, or that burlesque mouse from the mouse detective.👀) i guess they meet my standards? i watched a movie the other week with a badass female lead and tbh i couldn’t stop looking at her! every scene she was in were the best scenes xD i even ended up looking up the actress just so i could look at her bc she’s really pretty, and that’s when i realized that she might be my first ever female celebrity crush, and i started really realizing that i may not really be as straight as i thought! also like half of my OTPs are femslash and i find myself swooning and fangirling over m/f ships and f/f ships equally! i do have m/m ships as well but they’re very few and i’m simply not as invested in them. idk maybe this also says something about me? so i had a good talk about all of this with my boyfriend yesterday and he told me it seems i’m bi, and that he had actually thought that about me at times, and that actually made me happy to hear! so at this point i’m really starting to consider myself as bi! i think i might’ve been in denial for a long time. not because i’d feel ashamed or abything like that, but because i tend to overthink which makes me second-guess myself a lot and makes me unsure about many things... maybe one day i’ll see myself as straight after all, but i honestly doubt it because of all these signs i’ve noticed more and more. i just want to be as honest with myself as i can be, you know? and straight doesn’t feel honest anymore. so yeah, at least for now, i’m bi. :’3 bi, and in a het relationship with the love of my life!💜

any thoughts? i wanna know if this seems right, from my possibly-fellow LGBT+ followers/mutuals! please be honest bc i don’t wanna accidentally be part of something i’m not actually a part of hhhh i’m very anxious ;v;

#i know this got rambly but it’s just written straight from my chaotic mind lol #i’m tired of always questioning!#coming out #bisexuality #bisexual #long post #ramblings

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alias-b · 4 years

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Eros & Psyche: SOMY drabble

Billy Hargrove x Evie Fenny: Whump with a Happy Ending Drabble

~Evie contemplates her past relationship after getting together with Billy. ((No real fic spoilers, it’s no secret that Billy & Evie are soulmates & Endgame. Just some extra words for them to touch.)) TW: Talk of past grooming/Abusive student& teach relationship.

Whew, I wrote something, guys. Lol named is sorta after an existing chp bc I'm shameless. xoxo askbox open. Goodnight! :)))

He’s perfect.

Heaven carved her a prince from all her favorite fairy tales. Dash of charming. Sprinkle of classical good looks. A darling smile. Enough to melt any girl. Evangeline had no chance.

Fredrick always included Evie in his life. Well, the part of it no one else was involved in. That counted. She told herself it did.

Hawkins couldn’t know how much he loved her. She was sure that truly ached him.

She was pretty sure.

Fredrick included Evie in what was under his mask. She told herself that was what mattered most of all. His true self and it was bared. All hers and hers alone.

She told herself.

Evie was telling herself lots of things these days. Fredrick called her a classic over-thinker. She didn’t need to think, she had him. He’d guide her along. Being wise and experienced of course. All she needed to do was let go and trust him.

But, he was perfect.

Fredrick took her to parties with other thirty year olds. Always held her hand. Said the right thing. Brought her under one arm. Introduced her as if he was thrilled and proud she was with him. Showed her off like a new designer watch. Fredrick liked to buy Evie designer things too in lace.

Things that made for a better pose in cotton sheets. Pictures she claimed she was too shy to let him take.

He’d press a tight smile. Telling her it was enough to have her trapped in his thoughts.

The, he’d unzip his pants. The sound prickled under her skin.

“This is Evangeline,” he boasted at parties, “my girl.”

Men and women extended their hands. Fussed over her. She just looked so youthful. She must have secrets.

“For now,” Fredrick said in the car once, “just tell anyone who asks that you’re nineteen.” He smiled and caressed her cheek. Fredrick always said the right thing. “You’re too beautiful. I love you so much.”

Slowly, he unzipped his pants.

All Evie wanted to do was please him. See that smile. See the lights behind it because he was hers and she was a moth drawn to them. Fredrick liked most that she was his too. He came to her upon a deathly white horse with a silken, red cape upon his back. Bought her lace and flowers.

Fed her only a certain amount and took plates away before she was finished.

“There’s this silk nightie I want to buy you, but it’s just a smidge too small. Couple pounds should do it. Not that I think you need to lose it.” He cared so much. Evie welled and drank her cool water down. Swallowed the ice cubes when he went to the kitchen.

They drank quite a bit. He liked her swaying and loose. Not alert. Not overthinking too much. Cause he cared. More than anything.

Evie always said no to coke lines. Yes to shots. Yes to the occasional pill that lit shit up inside her. Let her see the night sky in living color.

Fredrick kept close. He always did. Especially if other men approached her. His arm pulled her back into his orbit. One sharp snap. Another prickle that made her skin pulse.

Europa trapped circling Jupiter and its great red storms. Clinging desperately maybe cause she’s scared and she doesn’t know it. She doesn’t have anywhere to go and no planet will love her or hold her like her Jupiter.

Fredrick could storm too. Could get snappy. Grip her too hard. Leave marks she had to hide from her mother and classmates. It’s all passion. That’s what he said. He loved fierce and unyielding. Just like a prince would, they’re supposed to love hard.

Evie’s terrified to disappoint him. Terrified to leave the narrative because who would she be without it? She figured that was normal, growing up with the same dynamic in her household. Children wetting the bed cause their parents build these anxieties into them. Phantoms that never leave.

“Letting everyone down would be my greatest unhappiness.” She often repeated that to the mirror. Repeated it when Fredrick was slamming things around. Pretending he’s fine until she’s crawling to unzip his pants and then all is forgiven.

Evie loved being forgiven. Gentle pats and warm embraces into the night. Fingers to swipe her loose tears. Fredrick gave her everything she needed.

Even if he was the one telling her she needed it.

Prince Charming knew to force his kisses and wake the princess. Now she owed a debt. He knew she needed saving from her tower or dragon. She was too helpless to decide her own path. He knew that she had to love him in return to break the curse. She doesn’t get a choice, it’s destiny.

Evie believed in destiny when she met Fredrick. He certainly murmured it into her ear enough. Hushed tones that made her feel cradled. Made her feel found. Made her float.

But, she can’t tell people, “This is Fredrick, my prince.”

Once he screamed at her for even signing a little heart above the “i” in her name during class. All because he cares. Because he’s the prince who knew better. Because no one would ever understand them.

Maybe that was why she loathed Billy upon meeting him that windy autumn day.

Billy Hargrove was the exact opposite. He never pretended to know better. Not as far as Evie’s soul was concerned. Evie didn’t grovel. Didn’t beg his forgiveness for the slightest misstep or incorrect thought. They nipped at each other, but it was an equal exchange.

Billy’s not a prince. He didn’t try to be either.

He didn’t shake her hand when they met. Not until Neil made him. He doesn’t always hold doors. Doesn’t constantly have to have Evie under his arm. Under his eye.

Especially doesn’t start slamming things when she laughs at Tommy’s stupid jokes or shares her drinks with Steve. He didn’t tell her she couldn’t hang out with Heather or Carol without him. Didn’t steer her from her mother or friends. He also didn’t pry for secrets out of mistrust.

He doesn’t care what she does as long as she isn’t getting herself into deep shit. Without him. His words. He’s not perfect and he doesn’t try to be.

Billy drove like shit. He smoked too much. He got into fights. He could be a total sourpuss grump, but he doesn’t grab Evie to leave bruises over it.

He fucked hard though, he always made sure Evie got off. Never unzips unprompted. Girls hit on him and he says that he’s seeing someone. Easy enough. Sometimes gesturing to Evie if she’s in the room. No need to bother her with pointless shit.

They were always aware of each other even if they didn’t interact. Something magical there neither could place.

Billy knew things Fredrick didn’t care to remember about Evie as well. How she’s a talented roller skater. What she liked on her cheeseburger. Her favorite movie snacks. Her order when they grab Chinese. The articles of clothing that always comforted her on bad days. How to gauge her mood by the song she’d hum or the book in her hand.

How she tapped the rhythm of songs she wrote into flesh and hard surfaces. How she wanted to turn the radio up when her favorite song was on, but politely doesn’t always. Billy does it for her.

He doesn’t comment when she eats and doesn’t care what she wears out or to bed.

He’s often trying to piece together the bits of songs he hears her humming and creating. She’ll share them with him one day, he won’t make her.

Billy’s not a prince. He’s probably beaten up a few in his day. But, he remembers. He pays attention. He lets Evie exist as her own soul and take up her own needed space.

They’re two equal stars twinkling pleasantly in the same shared constellation.

There’s plenty he didn’t tell her. About himself. About his life. Things he wanted to share, but he couldn’t. Not yet. Maybe one day. She needed to trust him enough in that light. And she did.

Before getting together, Evie thought of Billy too often when she was with Fredrick. Especially when she was under him. Counting the seconds before he finished with her. She hadn’t been warmed up enough and her prince was hurting her with his passion.

She wondered about asking him to stop. If he would. If he’d ignore her and chase his end. If he’d bruise her wrists again. A lot could be said about Billy, but he’d stop.

He wouldn’t ignore this beautiful star he’s so well attuned to. Billy wouldn’t hurt Evie and call it passion. He’d own his shit.

But, they tell her Billy isn’t the prince and the princess always was supposed to end up with her prince. Billy was a lone, glittering god with his own marble pedestal. Unobtainable. Eyes that watch the mortals below.

Maybe he’ll grace them with his presence and a fresh set of shiny arrows. Messy, little Eros with a laundry list of issues and vices he’ll never outrun. Evie didn’t mind to carry a few vices if he’d watch hers too. She was just a mortal girl with dreams higher than stars could go. Piled with dead weight as Fredrick collapsed into her. Smothering her.

And Evie’s first thought was always the shine of Billy’s eyes blaring into her after Fredrick dropped her at the end of Cherry Land so she could walk home. Defeated and wanting for more. They broke her heart.

Fredrick pushed down. Crushed her until Evie was gasping herself awake in her own bed. Eons later after she left him. After he shattered her already.

“Squirming more than usual.” A voice in the pillows next to her muttered. Billy groaned, turning over like he was annoyed.

Evie knew he wasn’t. She didn’t feel her heart give an unpleasant clench like she’d upset him. One arm slung over her stomach as Billy stretched back out on his front, facing her. A barely there glow from the moon trickled between the curtains showing his lashes fluttering.

“Just a dream.” Evie reached out and traced a line into his shoulder. Let her finger trail up to tap his nose. Made him scrunch and look sorta adorable.

“Well, it’s over.” Billy closed his eyes. Nestled into her heat. “Try rolling for another.”

“I like this better.” She caught his lip twitching up. Billy remained silent for a while there. Almost lulling back to sleep. He shifted up. Revived Evie with a simple, cathartic kiss. Mapping more across her cheek as lazy as can be.

They still felt carefully packaged. Billy had a way with careless affection that was still so striking and beautiful. Flaming arrows through her heart.

They don’t hurt. So few things hurt with Billy. Evie liked to think she returned that.

His arm tightened.

“I’ll roll this time.”

And Evie could let him without sacrificing her own agency. Her own narrative.

Fingers reached up to draw select gold curls aside. She decided princes were small and overrated. Billy had wings and he had light and he had a swelter of carefully exposed nerves that he trusted Evie to pluck. A heart he let her guard. He wouldn’t ask but she’d give that back.

Love cannot exist without soul. Without trust.

Evie pushed up to meet his oncoming kiss. Brought him back down to touch the soft earth with her. Where they felt safe together.

She realized it then as Billy shifted up to see her there. Fredrick never made her feel safe, he just used her to save himself. Sunk his teeth in to suck her dry of vitality so he could have it.

She didn’t ask Billy if he trusted her. Didn’t tell him in this moment that she trusted him. That was destiny. Not the draining of your soul until you’re forced to give it over.

Sometimes it was just knowing the obvious placement of stars. Glittery dust might sprinkle delicately over them.

“Let’s roll later,” Evie nudged her head into his, “always time for dreaming. But, I think I want to be wide awake right now. Hope that’s not too disappointing.” Hands shifted around his shoulders. A fuller smile crossed and Billy matched it. Blue eyes glinting almost iridescent. He hummed in thought. Seemed to agree.

“Evangeline,” he sounded out with some lazy amusement, “you couldn’t disappoint me if you tried, you know that?” Billy settled himself against her. Continued to map his euphoric paths. Stroking her cheek and hair. Sparking. Hushing. “Hope you know that much, Angel.”

“I know, Billy,” she sighed out to the forgiving cloak of night, “I do.”

#whump #Billy x Angel #billy hargrove #Billy hargrove x oc #writing #mine #Angel Fenny

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fandom-will-be-my-fall · 4 years

Note

Spill your heart out about Walter.

Okay so I basically got this question in what, January?? but I’m answering it now since I just rewatched the movie and have inspiration, sorry for the late reply Anon

Okay so, to start off this post with some keyboard smashing because that my primary go-to for expressing my emotions

sgklhfsgjksdlgdghkjlgjhOHUFLUSKHDGSLIDRGKJGKFSDHGlhjglksdhkglshglllllfa. knjcthxiudhusmnvsoidhéytbvonjyxclkkvbr. haeylicfvshdkgikc

HANDSOME BOY. HANDSOME. ‘NUFF SAID.

I could legit stare all day at his beautiful face… look at him. Enchanting sky blue eyes… fluffy, wavy brown hair, cute round cheeks, lovely smile… those hidden freckles that you can hardly spot and only in certain screenshots but nevertheless they’re there to raise the cuteness factor… ALSO HIS LASHES. MAYBE IT’S NATURAL?? MAYBE IT’S MAYBELLINE?? WE SHALL NEVER KNOW

Here you may be able to spot the freckles if you squint hard enough. I have 77 screenshots but this is the best example I could find.

Secondly… well, he’s a sticc. A short sticc at that (though still slightly taller than me bc I’m smol), but a sticc regardless! And that seems to be the most attractive cartoon body type for me. Don’t judge me, I just have a thing for twinks, I’m… twinksexual or whatever.

Look at him! He would fit through my doorcrack.

(Maaaybe the reason for me liking sticcs so much is partially the fact that I like the idea of a boyfriend I can protect and support, physically and emotionally. I’m mad at the universe for not letting me scoop him up in my arms bridal style and smooch the HECK outta him.)

I’ve encountered a few posts that claimed he’s got cake but, come on. That concept has canonically been proven to be false, even by Lance. This man is flat and you can pry this opinion off my cold, dead hands.

Speaking of hands! I like his big ol hands. Nice shape. They look soft. I wanna hold them.

According to a DVD commentary, and the visual facts, he has no shoulders whatsoever. Back in Venice Killian was able to restrain him effortlessly with only one foot on his chest, even as he kept struggling ans squirming and generally put in as much effort as he possibly could. Before then, he claimed the database was the first thing he has ever caught in his life.

Conclusion, our boi’s very much NOT athletic. Which makes sense for a scientist, braining all day and stuff, and because he probably barely even eats, or sleeps which are by the way both pretty concerning implications but anyway.

STOP BEATING UP THIS POOR FRAGILE LAD FOR GOD’S SAKE. Makes me want to protect him even more. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but you get what I mean.

Now, on to the actual reason I’m so head over heels for him, a.k.a his personality.

He is one of the sweetest, kindest, purest boy characters I have ever seen in fiction, if not THE number one himself. (All my other cinnamon roll crushes are, or have been a villain at some point and WILL resort to violence if provoked.) Look at him, his pacifism… is unbreakable. He’s dead set on making the world a better place, by peaceful ways, and helping humanity. If that’s not a quality to be cherished then IDK what is.

And he’s just such a refreshing character. He likes pink, K-dramas, glitter, kittens, things that aren’t traditionally “masculine” (but is never made fun of those things in particular in the movie) and I love that. Nothing’s sexier than a man who’s, despite society’s shitty standards, openly and unashamedly himself!

His femininity is, if anything, just another turn-on. (This didn’t intend to sound sexual… but oh well.) I love his little hand gestures and mannerisms, dorky ramblings, the way he says “yep” popping the “p” at the end, all the small yet significant traits that were incorporated into his character. Bless you, SiD creators, bless you.

Have I said that he’s a genius?? Which is pretty obvious but c’mon, he graduated at 15!! He can modify human genes!! He successfully turned a man into a pigeon on the first try!! (The serum wasn’t the first prototype but we can assume he didn’t experiment on living humans with the previous ones.) And he’s still just 20!! Like what is that if not hella fucking impressive???!??

His inventions, to the untrained eye, may seem “stupid” or “childish” but alas! The observer couldn’t be more wrong! Because despite the odd designs and themes they’re all highly effective, as we have witnessed in the battle against Killian. And he is extremely creative for coming up with such ideas! Told you he’s brilliant!!

Which makes me all the sadder about how much they underappreciated him at the agency. In his words, nobody ever listened to him, or gave him a chance. They just left him and his “weird” ideas next to the men’s bathroom and called it a day. How could they be so blind? Didn’t they see the potential in his inventions? Oh well. Maybe I’m just being a smartass bc I have more knowledge, living outside that universe. But I’m totally right.

And I was honestly ready to throw hands with Lance for hurting the boi even further. (I’d stand no chance whatsoever, but still.)

Oh no baby please don’t cry.

He did cry in that scene though… you could see a tear rolling down his cheek and if it wasn’t for the machine beeping… He did have a pretty rough day afterall. But HEY, if we dwell on it too much the scene loses its comedic effect!! A guy gets sad over a stupid soap opera, har har har!! Now let’s move on, keep it fast and snappy for the kids, don’t let them overthink it!! Can’t have any emotional breakdowns onscreen. Keep it lighthearted y��know. Then let’s kill a random side character and have our dear protagonist almost die twice.

(Well jokes on you Blue Sky! I’m no kid, but a devoted fangirl who can and will overthink any material of my fictional faves at any given opportunity.)

You know what else I love about him though?? His love for animals!! And pigeons, especially Lovey!! He loves her so much, gives her gluten free breadcrumbs, nuzzles her, the first thing he does when he finds out Lance can talk to the pigeons is ask if she loves him too!! Like… That’s so pure and wholesome.

This here. THIS RIGHT HERE. BROTP forever.

(Not gonna lie, I used to be crazy for pigeons for like, an entire year or something. Not as in looking up all the facts there are about pigeons as I do nowadays with cartoons, but I’d feed them regularly and write my little observations on their behaviors. Did you know they sometimes scratch their neck with their leggies like dogs do?)

I think I’ve summed up mostly everything I love about this nerd. Oh wait, almost forgot the sass!! I love how sassy and smug he can be sometimes, in like, a really harmless way but it’s still a very nice characteristic.

Since I’ve ran out of coherent things to say, here’s an incomplete list of things I want to do to Walter Beckett. Put at the end of this post so those of you who were only here for the analysis part and not the selfshippy gushing don’t have to read further:

kiss he

like seriously

just kiss he a whole lot

cover his whole face in kisses

one kiss for each of his freckles. a finishing kiss onto the tip of his nose. then repeat the cycle

hug him. hug him like the world is ending. hug him so tight he can barely breathe

then ofc let go and apologize bc I would never hurt him on purpose

cuddle him

hold him close, let him lay his head on my chest

run my fingers through his hair

listen to his breathing

discover that he’s fallen asleep on me and smile fondly, then soon drift off to sleep myself so we can wake up entangled in eachother the next morning

fuck he

pin him to a wall and snog he

make him go cherry red

fluster he

compliment him. praise him. appreciate him. he’s a prince, a hero, an angel, a wonderful human being and he needs to know this

feed pigeons together

listen to his scientific ramblings and bird facts

write him love letters and give them to him. maybe read it aloud myself if I’m feeling brave so I can see his reaction in real time

serenade he

be the love of his life, and have him be mine

just… soft things, man

cook something for this malnourished sticc

make him small handmade gifts

they’re nothing like his gadgets but I tried

draw he

have him be my muse in general

not like he isn’t now but it would be lovely if he was real too

carry him bridal style

be the feral cryptid that lurks in his house when he isn’t around

sing along to cheesy pop-song together really badly

watch cheesy rom coms

flirt with eachother clumsily until we’re both laughing at our awkwardness

or, alternatively, shower him with compliments until he literally cannot handle it

have sleepovers together

give him hand kisses

be of emotional support

#picpost #fangirl #walter beckett #F/O #didn't plan to make an entire essay #though on the other hand I exactly knew this would happen

35 notes · View notes

werewolfharrington · 4 years

Note

Flower ask: also all of them. you get to suffer with me >:3€

oh darlin’ we’re in it now huh

Alisons: Sexuality?

homogay

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/they | all gender will be shot on sight

Amaryllis: Birthday?

sept 23rd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

monkshood

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

stranger things or ghost adventures

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

like? distance? a couple miles probably

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lifeIs rounded with a sleep.” William Shakespeare, The Tempest

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

wild cherry capri sun

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ima change that to ‘kiss the last person u thought abt kissing’ bc YES

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

*jenna marbles voice* hell yeah!!

Baneberries: Favorite song?

waiting for the end - linkin park

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

chaos

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

i have too many to list !!! brandi, kasey, you, liz, ivy, nick , just to name a few!!

Begonia: Favorite color?

blue uwu

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

foxes !! and opossums

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night time babey

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

either a fox or an opossum or a raven, i think

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

i wanted to be a vet !!!

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

theyre ok as long as theyre not screaming and/or mine

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

i don’t liike vomit bc. nastey (trauma i think) and i don’t like old ppl well. i dunno why? they’re just so old and fragile and helpless and sometimes they’re really mean and idk i think it’s like something to do w death or something LMAO idk. also i just hate the idea of becoming old and having to rely on other people ?? hhh

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i was bullied a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

realistically? probably playing dead by daylight with my girlfriend ADFSGRHYUTR

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

happily taken

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

ireland, scotland, alaska, greece

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

whenever my friends or family tells me they love me but esp when u text me goodmorning or when we say our goodnights sorry im gay haha

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

i have. uuuuhh 6

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

no!!! i want some tho :(

California Poppy: Height?

i think im like. 5′5 or something? give or take an inch ?

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

oh absolutely. my house is haunted as we speak

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

bmth hoodie and pajama pants w foxes all over them. i just woke up lol

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

yeah i always keep one on in the bathroom

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

my sister bc she came home from college yesterday

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

ask me in like. a little over a month from now ;)

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

FONT??? the animal crossing font

Columbine: Are you tired?

oh absolutely

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

thanksgiving, christmas, seeing my gf, magfest

Coneflower: Dream job?

idk if it’s a job but i just wanna own like. a ranch that takes in all sorts of animals and takes care of them

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

ooooh yeah

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i mean. depends on what they want/need. distance wise? i’d travel the known universe for u

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

he was a plaid teddy bear his name was Stanley!!!! i miss him :( but now i have Little Moon God as my favourite stuffed animal

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libro

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

Working in Yellowstone is something I’ll never forget

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

well. hmm. i was gonna say flying to yellowstone but maybe driving to north carolina by myself bc driving long distances alone to places i haven’t been before gives me hella anxiety (i’m better now)

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

i don’t pay rent in this house to listen to their opinions lmao.

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

you, i think, when we said goodnight last night!!! EDIT: you this morning!!

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

being bad at dead by daylight

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

dead by daylight

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

(little over a month now but uhhh) GOT A UH ......GIRL.....FRIEND ...... GOT TO VISIT GIRLFRIEND ........ and got the windshield finally replaced in my car

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

i dont know! so far ive laid in bed now im at my computer answering this. not too bad. my shift is only 4 hours today.

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

for the most part, i’m pretty content, yeah

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

MOVE OUT

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

my friends, my mom, my sisters, my girlfriend, my bastard dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

metal

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

what does this mean. physically, i’m very affectionate, i just. don’t show it alot bc anxiety/i overthink. that and i constantly tell ppl i love them and what they mean to me

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

whoever is reading this

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

wake up next 2 a cute girl. take way too long to get up. go climb mountain w cute girl. vibe on mountain w cute girl. go to waffle house 2gether. gome home and vibe. play video games or watch a movies/tv w cute girl.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

i like to make art or play bideo jame

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

oh gosh i dunno. the ones i’ve known the longest are kasey and brandi, and i’ve known them both around/over a decade i think. we met in middle/highschool!

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

you, ivy, liz

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

so many

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

idk man but i remember when you said u had a crush on me and then i posted a selfie and u were like ‘OH NO SHE’S CUTE” and like ??? idk i think that was definitely the first compliment to ever shock me LMAO

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

6.9/10

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

my tattoos

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGGViLwHEUk

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

i liked to play zombies ate my neighbors on the sega genesis !!!!

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

eliza !!!! we lost touch a few years after i moved away :(

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

ima be real everything makes me feel guilty

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

aaaaaa the whole abi/moon incident

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

my name is fox. it means i like foxes

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

northern virginia babey !!!! that place fucking sucks!!! but everyone who lives up there thinks they’re hot shit.

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

i had a bunkbed and i think the walls were pink

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

😬 i’m just gonna say i’m much happier now and i’m coping with life and shit a lot better

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she’s sweet and funny and i love her so much!! she always does the Most for everyone, sometimes to the point where she isn’t concerned abt herself and i see where i get it from. but yeah my mom is great, my dad doesn’t deserve her

Onions: Tell about your dad.

source of a lot of trauma and why i have so many issues regarding men. i don’t wanna talk about him anymore LOL he doesn’t deserve the attention

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my dad’s mom is becoming senile and i think she’s racist and queerphobic. my mom’s parents disowned her a few years ago so we don’t talk to them anymore

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

i dunno. i don’t try to remember my birthdays. whenever i can go to busch gardens for my birthday i usually have a lot of fun there.

Peony: What was your first job?

if you don’t wanna count working w my mom as a florist, target was my first job back in 2016. i found my name tag the other day , actually

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

WELL, i know you followed me on here first. and then twitter?? but we didn’t really start talking until stranger things 3 came out (thank u stranger things) PHYSICALLY, we didn’t meet until fursonacon (haha. i remember when u texted me that u got to the hotel and i came down to help n i saw u unloading yr car and it was then that my brain was like OH NOOOOOOOO and my heart was like OH YEEEEAAAAAAAH)

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

physical, mental, or emotional? i play a video game or listen to loud music

Pink: Where is home?[

somewhere in appalachia i can feel it in my stupid soul

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

idk man i’m pretty content w where i’m at now so

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

chester bennington

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i have a waife and we have many great pets and we live in a log cabin in the mountains or in a nice victorian in a small town or something IDK but we’re happy and that’s all that matters

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

God

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

my mom, me best friends, my girlfriend

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

my girlfriend’s laugh because it’s THE cutest shit and then when she giggles??? oh my heart

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

oct 23rd, 2005, we brought Fat Boy Zack home !!!!

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

July 22nd, 2016. i was 2200 miles away

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

to be holding my girlfriend >:(

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

hhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

those i hold dear

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

enough, i guess?

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

my girlfriend

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

it’s fucking BORING and TOO EASY and they don’t pay me ENOUGH but i can get away with so much shit there so ima still go, ima still go

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

all of the flannels currently in my possession

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

mountains, woods, forests, cabins, autumn, cryptic, occult, victorian, edwardian

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

if someone gets me a gift i’m legally required to execute them

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

this 40hr workweek i got coming up

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

i have not read in So Long

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Moved out away from here lol, we’ll see

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i’m a furry

that was SO LONG im sorry i also put you through that but THANK YOU ENJOY READING ILU

#littlecation #ask #long post

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fast-and-fit-sam · 5 years

Photo

#RaceRecap below! | Did it for the (amazing) free shirt, obviously 😂 #rockthemock Swipe for my Marine Corps Marathon #flatrunner - I really got a kick out of these #PeoplesMarathon shirts. 🔸#MarineCorpsMarathon 🤩 🔸First of all, let’s just say race morning was an absolute cluster - and I got to the start as the gun was going off. (💩 I’ll post this full section in the comments but spare anyone not interested in hearing details about the shuttle situation; just know that I essentially started 25 min late behind 20k runners - behind the 5:30 pace group!!) 🔸I was stressed but I trained to be unfkingbothered by things I cannot control, so I just trusted in the plan of the day. 🔸I tried to not weave through people but after a while I really had no choice to do a little off-roading. I was jumping up on curbs, running on slopes bankings, through damp grass (I knew I was being dumb 🙄) all while just telling myself to relax and get to where the course opens up. 🔸Well, after 8 miles it still wasn’t opening up. But I was having FUN. I was singing along with the bands (Shipping up to Boston gave me all the feels), cheering on bad ass runners running their first marathon, pushing the disabled, service men & women running in uniform, etc, hitting every Tap Here for Power sign and little kids offering high fives that I could. It was so awesome experiencing the *fun* part of marathoning. 🔸When my times were coming up as 8:30s and the crowds still weren’t opening up, I started to panic a little. Every person who stopped short in front of my, or every mass of people I couldn’t get around, made me feel like I was expelling so much extra energy early in the race despite only running in the 8 min zone. Water stops were my salvation: when the masses parted to the left for Gatorade and to the right for water I legit felt like Moses and would zip through a sea of people, grabbing the last possible water cup and maximizing my small clear runway 😂 🔸 Finally through the half, I decided I was just going to go for it. After all, what I had wanted so badly for the first half was to be able to move, so I did exactly that. Contd in comments, bless you if you’re still reading 🤪 (at Marine Corps Marathon) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bpra9KjBvn6/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3hujvbdu4juf

🔸Even when I could finally pick up the pace, I was still on a high from the “fun part” of the race - I continued to high five spectators. I gave my sister a massive hug when I saw her 😍 (she did the 10k, crushed it, and immediately came to cheer me on! @nconnolly141 #MVP. A couple miles later, a stopped to kiss my boyfriend. I was barely looking at my watch; I just knew I felt good and that I had trained at a faster pace than my planned GMP so I let the wheels roll. Finally when I saw more pals along the course, I didn’t stop - cause I was finally entering the overthinking part of the race - calculating what it would take to still PR despite the unreal start. Somewhere after the mile 9 I had passed the 5:00 and maybe 4:30 pace group. I focused on finding and passing the 4:00 group in the coming miles. 🔸 I hung on to my pace for as long as I could. Mile 20 came and reminded me I probably couldn’t PR bc your legs don’t really agree with your brain after that many miles 😂 but I had diligently fueled and hydrated the whole race. I just kept pressing. The end of the MCM course is so hard IMO. You go from exciting sights and cheers to desolate, slight inclines over bridges with nothing to look at but other runners slowly fading around you. But it fortunately goes by pretty fast. 🔸 Someone along the course had bumped into me and split my watch, so I was confusing myself with being on lap 24 but really on mile 23. I was also about half a mile ahead on mile markers - I knew I’d end up coming in well over 26.2 miles. I tried to take this as a blessing: not knowing exactly what I had left so just keep rolling. 🔸My goal was to get the the 24 and see what my legs had left. I pictured myself kicking for the last 2 miles. Well, they didn’t have much left. I was hurting. My hips were locking up. But I had such a great past few miles that I didn’t want to throw it away now. Before I knew it I was finishing. Literally what my face looked like when I made it up the hill and could see the finish: 🤩🤩🤩 🔸The end! Not quite a PR but close enough for me. I’m so happy with how much fun I had, and thankful that the cluster of a start forced me to start slow. 💩 Details on the start: Okay what the HECK, MCM? For a race where Marines are helping organize things, the shuttle situation in Crystal City was far from efficient. I left my hotel room at 6 AM and got to the shuttles at 6:10, to find already massive lines wrapping around the park. This part is my bad: maybe I didn't get there early enough. The start was at 7:55. However, in 2014 I took the metro to the runner's village and had to walk 2 miles to the start. I purposely chose my hotel so that I could take the shuttles directly to the start without the worry of walking. *My complaining ends here - because all in all, everything went fine. But it's still a race morning experience I'd like to document so I can remember for the future! 💩After waiting over an hour in line, post-coffee and fueling, my body was STRESSED. I was cold, needed a bathroom badly, and was getting concerned about standing for so long in the cold without being able to move around to warm up for fear of losing my spot in line. I also didn't have my phone to seek an alternate route to the start (good thing I didn't learn until after that I was only 2.5 MILES from the freaking start!!) 💩Another 30 min later, we were finally to the start of the shuttle line, only to be cut by people who were well behind us in line. Literally people were screaming and fighting about boarding 😅 It was aggressive and a little scary (don' fk w runners the morning of a big race!) but I literally didn't care about anything but getting on a bus bc HELLO BUS BATHROOMS #BLESSED. Legit, a bus bathroom could have been the only bathroom I got to use that morning, and we all know what an important part of race prep that is. 💩We got to the runner's village with less than 10 minutes until the gun went off. I quickly realized I wasn't going to be lining up with my corral by the time I made it over to the start, so I spent 10-20 minutes getting ready to run, shedding my throw away clothes (the weather was perfect🤩), and waiting for a port o potty just in case (I had nothing to lose at this point). I started at around 8:20 - and soon realized I was behind even the 5:30 pace group aka it was suuuuper crowded. The course gets narrow in a lot of places so even when I thought I was getting break free, I'd quickly be back in a place where I quite literally could not get around walkers, joggers, or even just runners who were cutting from side to side to jump in front of cameras 🙄 I respect ANYONE doing a marathon at ANY pace, but holy moly was all the stopping, starting, and jolting not fun. I finally resorted to running on curbs, through rocky terrain, and even in grass bankings. Should out and sorry to the 100+ people I accidentally elbowed 😅 💛All in all, I'm not too mad at this start situation because it gave me the best IDGAF mentality that ultimately allowed me to roll through the second half. I recall repeating I.D.G.A.F. on repeat in my head.👽

#racerecap #rockthemock #flatrunner #peoplesmarathon #marinecorpsmarathon

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amandabe11man · 5 years

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1-30

(gonna answer everything except 15, 17 and 25 since i already did those)--

if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?:they would read this book called “välkomna och please come in”, in which the author talks about what makes us swedes reject our own language in favor of english, because that’s something that’s only recently started bugging me (the glorification of the english language, that is)

they would watch- idk, “midsomer murders” or anime, lol

they would listen to R A M M S T E I N, BABY

have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?:birgit häggkvist aka. the author of the book mentioned above

list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with:BUT THERE ARE MANY.... i’ll try a little list anyway;

”death machine”, in which i don’t really identify with anyone, but my favorite character would be scott ridley (yes, that’s his name)

pokemon, where there are just too many characters to pick from (not all of them very deep), but i suppose i can kinda -IN A WAY- relate to lysandre’s frustration with the human race, lol (the pokemon are innocent though wtf man)also ghetsis is my fave, fight me

“attack on titan”, where i GUESS i identify with armin, or at least his recent (what others think of as naive but come on) thoughts about not having to fight to bring about peace. sure it’s idealistic, but why would fighting be the more sensible option? smh

“hell on wheels”, where i sorta relate to the swede (big shocker), at least before he lost his mind completely somewhere in season 2 (hint: y’all should watch it if you want to avoid me writing a whole essay)

that’s pm the ones i can think of atm

do you like your name? is there another name you think would fit you better?:i USED to hate my name and either removed the letter in the beginning and called myself Manda, or wished to be named something i thought to be more “masculine”; apparently Florence was one such name in my head, lol. i like my name now though

do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?:2deep4me (for real though i guess-- a human doing??? i would prefer not to be part of this wretched species but what can u do)

are you religious/spiritual?:not religious in the true sense of the word, but i’d like to believe there’s a god or a meaning to everything. i’m open to it. i’m way more spiritual, though

do you care about your ethnicity?:nope

what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?:rammstein, alice cooper-- guys like that, u kno?

are you an artist?:i mean i’d LIKE TO BE. sometimes i feel inadequate though, for whatever reason

do you have a creed?:you mean like a confession? yeah, a few... nothing i like to mention to others though

describe your ideal day:i wake up, have a nice breakfast, hang out with my family and friends, hang out with my rabbit(s), do something creative, meet my crush-- simple stuff

dog person or cat person?:dog person. cat’s are alright, but they’re also kinda way too brash for my liking

inside or outdoors?:both

are you a musician?:not really. i used to play the recorder, and i do try to learn stuff on guitar and piano sometimes (and also the harmonica now), but it’s just for fun

if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?:not necessarily... luckily, i had, and continue to have, a great home environmentwhat’s your patronus?:according to Pottermore, it’s a badger!which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle?:AGAIN, according to Pottermore-- it’s hufflepuff...(holy shit though that’s a weird coincidence that my patronus is a badger and hufflepuff’s signature animal is a badger)would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?:either hogwarts or middle earth, i can’t decidedo you love easily?:yeah, i’d say. i don’t easily love things romantically, thoughlist the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order:-surfing the web-feed my animals and spend time with them-rp-ing-overthink things-get drawing ideas that take me forever to actually draw, lmaohow often would you want to see your family every year?:daily, cause i’m one of those apparently rare people, i guesshave you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone?:not that i can think of...how would you describe your gender/sexuality?:nothing fancy. i’m content with who i am (something i never thought i’d say just years ago tbh). sometimes i feel i would like to be a man though, but just for the Aesthetics™ or whatever. speaking of men; i am straightdo you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”?:i suppose? though on the inside, i’m taller than this meager height i’ve got, lolon a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?:pretty hard, i’d say. around 6 or 7 maybethree songs that you connect with right now:“trouble in the streets” - BC unidos“my shit’s fucked up” - warren zevon“catcher in the rye” - grantpick one of your favorite quotes:“someone who doesn’t love animals, doesn’t love humans” - some croatian guy in a documentary i saw yesterday

#thank yOU TOO for the ask #if i sound pretentious i don't mean to be omfg #sein-zum-tod

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