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fuckyeahgoodomens · 1 month

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Neil talking about the responses to Good Omens Season 2 - from the Neil Gaiman interview with Brian Levine for The Gould Standard (x,x)

BL: The audience that you have built is a very passionately engaged audience. They, frankly, they love you. And one of the reasons they love you is that you fit into what I think of as one of two great divisions in art. There's, or in writing, um, there is: I'm entertained, I'm amused. I may be even enchanted; and then there's this hits me at a visceral level. You understand me as no one else does. You have touched something very central to my experience. And it seems to me that Much of your writing, maybe all of your writing, actually reaches your audience at that latter level. You know. I would say in the former category, sort of my quintessential and beloved example would be P. G. Woodhouse. He amuses me, but I don't feel like he's revealed my inner self at a very deep level. Um, were you aware that you were going to be able to achieve that? Um, that this is something... was it a startling thing when people began coming up to you, who'd read your work and said, this means so much to me?

Neil: Yeah. It was huge. And it wasn't expected. I... if I had a mountaintop I was heading towards, it was gonna be P. G. Woodhouse. Um, I wanted to be a proficient entertainer with a clear prose style who could tell stories. Um, it probably wasn't until Sandman that I found... I started to realize that in order for a story to work, I had to show too much. In order for a story to resonate, in order for a story to matter, I had to let it matter too much. And, and I remember the first people who would start coming up to me and saying, um, you, you know, your, your Sandman comics got me through the death of a loved one. Your death character got me through my child's death, through my parent's death, through my partner's death, through my friend's death. Um, and that left me kind of amazed. I'm like, well, I didn't write it to do that. I wrote it to feed my children. I wrote it to satisfy myself. I wrote it because nobody else had ever written it. And if I didn't write it, it wouldn't be written, but I don't think I wrote it to give you what you've taken from it. And I spent really about 20, 25 years feeling awkward about that. And then my father died, in March 2009, and never got to cry about it. Never... I, you know, I've, I've got on a plane and I went to the UK and dealt with the funeral stuff and organized all of that stuff and came back and go toff the plane and went and did Stephen Colbert's Colbert Report and wearing the funeral suit because and that was all I had with me and carried on. And then, somewhere in the middle of summer, I was reading a friend's script. They'd sent me a script and said, can you look this over? And I'm reading it, and on page 20, the lead character meets somebody, and on page 26 maybe, she's dead, and I burst into tears. And I'm bawling. I am sobbing. It is coming out of me in giant racking waves. And I realized that it's everything that I'd been, hadn't let myself feel, or hadn't been able, hadn't stopped enough to let myself feel, was suddenly being given permission to feel by the death of a fictional person who I'd met six pages earlier, ia script. And I thought that... and it was huge for me, and I thought, okay, that's that thing that people are talking about sometimes, when they come tome and they say, you, you did this. So right now, I'm in this weird, wonderful place where I think a lot of people in Good Omens Season 2 thought they were signing up for the P.G. Woodhouse, and didn't know that, no, no, no, you've, you've signed up for the whole thing. You've signed up for the feelings. You've signed up for the emotions. I... it is my job to make you care and to make you feel and to feel things you haven't felt before. And which meant that the first week or so after Good Omens came out, I was getting angry, furious, deeply upset messages on every possible social medium telling me that I had betrayed people, and it was awful, and they couldn't stop crying, and why would I do that to them, and did I hate them? And they hated me. And then a weird sort of phenomenon happened as people would watch the show again. And again. And now they started to know, okay, this is where it's gonna go, this is what's gonna happen, this is how it works. And they started realizing that they were actually feeling things, and that was good. And that they were caring about two people who don't exist. You know, I made them up, and then and Terry Pratchett made them up, and then, um, David Tennant and Michael Sheen gave them life, and then they get to walk around on a screen and you know they don't exist, but you can cry for them, you can love them, they can make you laugh, they can make you exult, and most important of all, they can make you care. And the number of people who are now writing to me, saying, 'This was so important to me. This has changed my life. This makes me feel like I belong. This makes me feel like I can cope. And it's let me sort of find myself. P. S. I hope you get to do Season Three.' is, is huge.

#good omens #neil gaiman #brian levine #neil the gould standard 2023 #interview #neil interview #videos #fun fact #gos2 #season 2 #2ep6 #s2 interview

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iridessence · 8 months

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I would like to take a moment to acknowledge myself and say that I am elated and proud to have manifested some of my major goals since 2018-2019. Basically before then, 2014-16 I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation quite frequently due to not having steady income, as jobs in retail seemed the only available and “safe” options, but long shifts standing at a registers or posts were damagingly hard on my body. In 2017 I got a desk job that set me on the path of financial stability and reduced physical load, which did absolute wonders for my mental health but it was an absolute blight to my existence over time due to terrible management and the usual corporate garbage. I knew that staying there was fine for a time but not sustainable in the long run, so change must come eventually.

also around then, I continued to explore self portraiture and personal style but I really wanted to perform/create Burlesque acts and book them, and invest in and actually have choreography/technique and beautiful costume pieces that looked like the visions refining themselves in my head through research. I was also perpetually struggling in the dating sphere with the deficit of romantic fulfillment that I deeply wanted. and while they weren’t hostile, things were definitely weird with my family (dysfunctional, literal small town energy, upset that I didn’t want to be around them more in the suburbs but lots of interpersonal toxicity and lack of emotional growth).

I knew that in the coming years I wanted to…

quit my soul sucking job and set out to be a full-time or at least professional level burlesque performer, creating the qualitative and classic show girl acts I dream to see on stage

work on the floor at a boutique or mom-and-pop type shop that sells goods or services that are interesting to me, especially aesthetically, such as an antique shop or a jewelry boutique etc., but a place where I could sit intermittently as needed for my physical disability. Also, ideally it would be a position where I could express myself through style at my choosing and it would be received well, and also my hours would not be very early or very late.

find a loving and supporting partner who I could lavish equal amounts of love and support on to, live with and hopefully marry

Achieve/maintain financial stability enough that I have a reduced risk for homelessness and sometimes treat myself to things that I enjoy.

Figure out why the relationship with my family was such a struggle and do things within my power and desire to fix it.

In a world that isn’t a corporate machine devoid of empathy, none of that seems like a tall order to ask… but I live in America so… It took some time, but I’m starting to see the fruits and returns. Honestly sometimes things feel like a blur and I’m not exactly sure I could say there was a huge system to what I did overtime to make it work, but I know the work was there.

As of today, September 9, 2023:

I am a respected professional burlesque performer with costumes I figuratively gag over and acts that come closer and closer to hitting the aesthetic nail on the head for what I want to embody. (I quit that shitty desk job at the beginning of 2019 and haven’t looked back since. Sent a whole ass company wide message with a long and detailed “fuck you” too.😂🙈)

i’ve managed through burlesque, social media work, donations and savings, and —since the global pandemic—,odd jobs and grants/minimal loans, to continuously pay rent and ward off homelessness

I live with the love of my life, to whom I am engaged and actively planning our wedding (we looked at a venue yesterday!)

I’ve helped my mom on the growth of her emotional intelligence and commitment to learning more about values under the race, gender, and sexuality umbrella, as well pushed her to examine the enabling and entitlement dynamics with her adult children that take advantage of her. While my relationship with my brother and sister is not great, my relationship with my mom has been steadily getting better since the pandemic. we had a breakthrough at the beginning of this year where she acknowledged and apologized for guilt tripping me for not being around the family more, when I was (she quoted) “actually protecting myself like she should have been.”

and litcherally within the past week I was offered the job at a local boutique I interviewed with a year ago and didn’t get, and I signed an offer letter to begin work within the month.

To say I’m happy with the way things look right now is an understatement. The world still terrifies me, but I have no choice but to carve out a sliver of its beautiful experiences for myself, and I am doing just that. It may not be perfection, but it’s pretty damn good and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep it that way and make it even better. I am living my ancestors' wildest dreams!!

for anyone reading who might be struggling right now to make things work, I hope you hold on to hope that it can get better. A beautiful life is possible even on this hell scape, even for the marginalized.

#text post #life #faq #long post #well long-ish

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moonwize · 2 years

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MY OPINION ON THE MOON SIGNS AS AN AQUARIUS MOON

Pisces Moon - I love you guys, I feel like I have the best and most philisophical conversation with y'all and in a way I feel like we are similar. Maybe it's because I'm a pisces sun, but I relate to the way y'all detach from things yet feel so deeply. I love how esoteric you guys are, but I also appreciate when the waters get rough and rowdy. You guys are so interesting and I have had some really great experiences with Pisces Moons. :)

Aquarius Moon - Love you, so much, Literally almost all of my friends are aqua moons LMAO Or have really strong aqua placements. I feel like Aquarius moons are just so unique and interesting and really have riveting takes and thought provoking ideas when it comes to emotional intelligence and dealing with trauma. Also you do not have to be the therapist friend!!! you deserve better. (SO LONG AS THEY ARE MATURE INDIVIDUALS) Capricorn Moon - You guys get me fr, I feel like the bond between saturn moons is so positive. I honestly feel like y'all are such good friends and very uplifting, I wish you guys would prioritize yourself more and quit worrying about everyone else. You guys are so solid and deserve to have more people in your life who show the same energy and nurturing as you give. Ask for more balance, LOVE YOU. Sag Moon - I love you guys, I feel like y'all are honestly so interesting but I do feel that there's a sense of aloofness or lacking in awareness of others. Then again, it's your life path and I respect the dedication y'all put towards defining yourselves. You guys are good uplifters and really honestly do a good job putting shit into perspective for me when I talk to and engage with y'all.

Scorpio Moon - My babies fr, you guys fall in my 4th house. I feel so comforted and seen by scorpio moons, like you guys just intrinsically understand who and what I am. I feel like y'all are so emotionally intelligent that sometimes people don't even see what you're seeing because you get right to the root of it all. You understand the people around you so deeply and I feel like people just don't understand y'all the way you understand them. (I felt that lmao)

Libra Moon - I LOVE Y'ALL I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS YOU GUYS ARE NOT FAKE TO THE PPL U LOVE. You guys are honestly real as fuck and when u care about someone fr u will not let them look dumb in public and also know how to pull the right public strings and get people to talk about what's bothering them. You guys are so lovely and have great senses of aesthetic and know how to take people's struggles in stride and maintain a balanced friendship <3

Virgo Moon - I love y'all even though you get on my nerves. I feel like you guys are honestly very sweet people at your core but you need to learn to relax and take a moment to breathe. It's like this constant feeling of dread you guys are internalizing and beating yourself over the head with. You guys have got to take a moment to chill out. Love yew though. I be feeling bad cuz y'alls mom's are fucking weird.

Leo Moon - I honestly truly fuck with y'all and I'm sorry people don't always see how actually intelligent and generous you guys are. I appreciate y'all and appreciate how you gys have taught me to be outright abot my needs and not to be afraid of being dramatic sometimes. I love y'all so much and I find y'all to be so endearing and lovely as individuals.

Cancer Moon - I cannot deal with y'all very well, like it goes well at first and then y'all get way too attached. You uys are mainly in my 12th house, I do appreciate how caring and lovely you can be though. I appreciate the more mature cancer moons I've met and how insightful, balanced, self preserving, and kind they are. I feel like y'all have ur issues glossed over way too much and just truly deserve better. I hate that people always try to shove you into a caretaker position. You guys deserve better fr.

Gemini Moon - I LOVE having deep talks with y'all I feel like y'all just have this fresh and interesting take on the psychology of people and such interesting ways of viewing emotions and communication I appreciate the artistry and beautiful minds of you guys. Some of my fav people are gemini moons, I wish you guys knew that it was okay to not rationalize everything you felt though. Not everything has to be so cut and dry and organized. It's okay to just be upset sometimes. love yew. Taurus Moon - We don't always see eye to eye however I respect y'all and feel like y'all bring a lot to the table. You're steady, you do your best to be fair(ish), and you work hard for the shit you get. I aspire to be a little more grounded like you guys are. I feel like you could be less hard on yourself and others though. Sometimes it's okay to make mistakes. Aries Moon - Like, I get it but some of y'all really need to shut the fuck up and relax. As for those of y'all who don't have emotional outbursts at everyone all the time. I love you, I adore your passion, your taste in aestheticism. You are the it girl, the moment, the baddest bitch in the universe. I appreciate your straight-forwardness and it brings me great joy. I also feel like y'all understand my need to constantly improve and do and seek and shit. (I have a 9H aries stellium lmao)

#astro #astro notes #astro observations #aries moon #taurus moon #gemini moon #cancer moon #leo moon #virgo moon #scorpio moon #sag moon #sagittarius moon #cap moon #capricorn moon #aqua moon #aquarius moon #pisces moon

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bemycalpal · 5 months

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from time to time i teach kids how to write poems through a program at my university. we go to elementary schools and hang out for a couple of days, read them some poems, talk about them, and give them prompts and quiet time to write. its one of the more fulfilling things i do. this week, i was working with some fifth graders and trying to figure out which poems to read them. my teaching partner was like, lets do some mahmoud darwish! for folks who dont read much poetry, darwish is a palestinian poet whos poems have been extensively translated (often badly, by white people), and who is perfect for that age group imo. his language is direct and beautiful and full of depth. we picked out a good translation (by fady joudah) of Letter to a Young Poet, and brought that in. little did we know, there was a palestinian kid in that classroom!! who recognized the word salaam at the end of the poem, and asked where the poet was from, and told us excitedly that he was palestinian too!!!!

point number 1: the decisions you make matter more than you know, and acting in solidarity in all parts of your life can have positive impacts you cant imagine or foresee.

point number 2: i almost thought we maybe shouldnt teach that poem to cover our asses. that, in a rural town in arkansas, someone might get upset about us teaching a poem by a palestinian poet, and that we could lose our jobs with our state funded university (graduate students are losing their jobs for less at public US institutions right now). the laws that are going on the books, the censorship decisions and precedents being set, the Vibe of fear and punitive action in our public institutions could have kept that poem and that feeling of being seen and being safe from my new friend this week. i am deeply ashamed of that feeling i had, and im glad i didnt act on it. if you need, as i clearly sometimes need, a reminder that now now NOW is the time to risk whatever you have to resist colonizer mindset, action, and oppression, here it is. read that poem. call that rep. go to that protest. say it all out loud. feel your anger and direct it in the most productive way you can think of, and engage with the people around you with it. from the river to the sea, folks.

#palestine #mahmoud darwish #poems #translations #teaching #letter to a young poet

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theghostofashton · 7 months

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self promo saturday

thank you @lightningboltreader and @orchidscript for the tags, and @sugdenlovesdingle for creating this! <3

rules: list 5 fanworks you're proud of

made up of a thousand scars

“I was a firefighter,” he says. “Or, well, I still am. My dad’s captain. I’m technically on leave.” “And you… don’t want to go back?” “I don’t know what I want.” He sighs, tracing his fingers across a spot that’s wearing in Carlos's kitchen table. “Thought being here would help me figure that out but…” He pauses, glancing up at Carlos with a shrug. Sometimes he wonders if the drugs made him who he is. Made him fun, happy. Someone people liked having around. He wonders if he’s still any of those things, sober. He doesn’t feel very fun anymore.

you saw the truth in me

TK Strand. He’s been asked to train TK Strand. He almost didn’t believe it, when he opened his inbox on Monday morning. He had to read Nancy Gillian’s email three times before it started to sink in. TK Strand is making his return to acting after five years, and he’s been asked to train him for the role. Anyone who doesn’t know TK Strand is living under a rock. His story will go down in pop culture history as one of the biggest falls from grace this industry has seen in years. Hollywood’s golden boy, years of good press and praise heaped onto him for his talent, his charisma, his massive heart, all thrown away after a failed engagement and drug-fueled bender broke headlines.

tell me how (4x18 coda)

He’s never felt pain like this before. Nothing in his life has ever hurt this deeply, right down to his core. It’s like a part of him died too. He doesn’t feel like the same person anymore. A piece of the puzzle stolen and destroyed, and Carlos wonders if he’ll ever feel whole again. If maybe, eventually, the space in his life where his father used to be will be filled by something else, another person to love, or perhaps an excess of the love he feels for everyone else in his life overflowing and subsuming the gap, something, to prevent him from being doomed to go through rest of his life incomplete.

until we laugh again (4x14 coda)

He keeps playing the phone call over in his head. Paul handing him the phone, his dad listing off Kendra’s symptoms, the panic that shocked his whole body when Owen said he was starting rescue breaths. He should’ve expected it. He knows his dad well enough to know that if there’s something he can do to save someone, he will. No matter what. Even if it could mean losing his own life in the process. TK shudders, squeezing his eyes shut. He doesn’t want to think about that. He really, really doesn’t want to think about that.

support beams bend and break (3x11 coda)

It doesn’t feel fair. It doesn’t feel fair that he has to go through all this just because some guy decided to play a stupid prank. Because he cared about his job, cared about finding that woman and baby that were being abused. He doesn’t think it’s fair that everything hurts this much when he just wanted to do the right thing. He just wanted to help that woman, to make sure she and her child were safe. Only she and her child never existed, and he fell right into their trap. He’s so mad he’s seeing red. And he knows he shouldn’t be. He knows the anger is useless. He knows it won’t do anything for him. He knows he just needs to get past this, just put it behind him, but he can’t. He can’t move on. He doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know how to not feel this.

i'm getting to this kinda late so just gonna leave an open tag for anyone that wants to share!

#911 lone star #my fic #self promo saturday

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whatthefishh · 1 year

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Delta Squared Chapter 1

A/N: So, this story is somewhat based off of Think Like a Man, I thought our favourite boys would fit these tropes quite nicely and wanted to write something fun and kinda silly! I hope can enjoy, even if you have seen the movie because I did make changes :) This will have several chapters, but hoping to keep it easy to follow. This chapter focuses on the boys and Benny. No smut, no warnings really except a few swear words. 2.4k words

It all starts sometime in May, the boys’ weekly outing causing the fates to set you up in front of the TV at just the right time. Well, sort of started then.

###

(01:23 am) Tom wtffff

(01:23 am) im hiding in the bathroom from that weird girl who smelled like burritos next to us

(01:24 am) can i come out yet

(01:26 am) dunno

(01:26 am) but brb

(01:26 am) santi’s helping me get this girl off my back

(01:26 am) so the one who was basically following me is gone?

(01:28 am) also what youre engaged

(01:28 am) just show her a pic of Mads

(01:30 am) true lol

(01:31 am) im just gonna come back

(01:31 am) if shes standing right outside the bathroom ill scream

(01:32 am) idk what ur talking about but will made a face so maybe he knows who you mean

(01:32 am) then again that might just be him pining

(01:32 am) for that girl

(01:32 am) who broke up with him bc he quit his job

(01:32 am) the one hes been "dating" for 2 weeks

(01:32 am) OH

(01:32 am) santi and fish are trying to tag team this girl

(01:32 am) tag team?

(01:32 am) santi and fish are drunk af

(01:32 am) doesnt mean theyre not gonna do it

(01:35 am) uh yeah it does but whatever im on my way

###

Benny emerges from the haven of the bathroom, immediately making a beeline for the boys’ table. Thankfully, the girl who seemed to be at his elbow at every turn was nowhere to be seen. Even halfway across the bar, Benny could see Santiago chatting up some poor unsuspecting woman and wonders to himself with amusement which line he went with this time, the player that he is. He’s ridiculously successful at this, always has been, even in their time in Delta Force, his ability to charm anybody and everybody driving the boys nuts. Frankie had apparently given up the tag team idea, and let him run his game, choosing to watch from the sidelines.

Benny checks his phone to see if he got a text from you, sending one out asking how you’re feeling. He feels bad for leaving you at home, sick, but you had insisted he go out with the boys, claiming you’ll join them next time. You two had been dating for years now, bordering on 8, your relationship having been an undefined thing at first due to his back and forth in the military. Once he had come back for good, it was almost too simple how you two had made things official, falling into a routine as easy as breathing. But still… he hadn’t proposed yet.

You were a relatively successful hairstylist, owned your own salon, got along with the boys, matched his energy for all the dorky movies he was into, and incredibly chill with his energy it was almost too good to be true. You even dressed up with him in a couples costume of Han and Leia that one halloween, binging the movies with him throughout the month to prepare for the role. So, you could be forgiven for mistaking the little velvet box he got you last valentines day for a ring, screaming out “Yes!” until you opened it to see a simple but pretty pair of diamond studs. You didn’t understand why he was waiting, you two lived together, shared a car, planned for your future; the domesticity of your relationship was so deeply ingrained in your bones, everyone already assumed you were married until they noticed the empty space where your ring should be. You didn’t want to pressure him, though. He was your Benny, your best friend, and you loved him so much. Star Wars posters, figurines, and all.

You flipped through the channels at home, eventually landing on Oprah, recognizing her guest as Steve Harvey, the host from Family Feud.

“Welcome back, everybody. We are still here with best-selling author Steve Harvey. (Camera switch to Steve) - Well, what I try to get women to understand is that times have changed, but your playbook hasn't. I've gotten thousands of letters from all kinds of women who can't seem to find a man, keep a man or get what they want from their man. Until you understand how a man loves, how a man operates, how he thinks, until you get into the mindset of a man, you will never win with us in the game of love.”

Despite your better judgement, you stayed on the channel to see what new information he could possibly be adding to the world of love advice.

“We have a question in the audience. (camera turns to woman in the audience)- Hi, Steve. I've been living with my boyfriend for five years and he says that he loves me and he's fully committed. I guess what I want to know is, how come he hasn't popped the question?- (camera turns to Steve) He hasn't popped the question because you haven't required him to.”

You roll your eyes at the pedantic answer, but stay listening to see if you could get anything useful out of this.

###

Benny catches part of Santi’s words to the girl on his way to the table, and the tail end of it has him quickly covering his mouth to hide his laughter.

“I’m sorry, but Jesus has my heart.” The girl had said.

“Yeah, no, no, no, I get that. I love Jesus, too. They actually used to call me Pope back in the military,” Santiago countered, sure that he’d walk away with her number.

“You boys won’t believe how Santi’s trynna pick up this girl,” Benny says, jerking his thumb over his shoulder as he joins the others at the table.

“Oh I can already imagine it’s weird, she gave me crazy vibes just by the way she was trying to touch Tom’s beard after 2 seconds,” Frankie laughed.

Santi returns to the table sooner than any of them would have guessed, and they assume he got shot down - rare, but it does happen.

“No luck?” Will asks, a little eager to share his misery with someone else at the table. Will’s most recent venture into finding love ended as pathetically as his last; he was too much of a dreamer to keep a steady job after returning home. Apparently, the women he was going on dates with didn’t appreciate his goal of finding something he was passionate about. He just wanted someone to support him, the same way he would give his full support for his partner.

Santiago looked at each of his friends’ faces and then broke out into a smug smile, “No, I got it. Cmon, you guys really thought I couldn’t? Have some faith.”

The last comment had Benny cracking up again, and he checked his phone again to see if you’d replied.

“How’s Daph doin’?” Will asks his little brother, eyes catching him checking his phone periodically.

“She’s alright, she-” He starts but gets cut off by Fish.

“She's phenomenal, pendejo, we don’t understand why she’s with you,” Frankie laughs, and Santi joins in.

“Nobody does! How good is your credit score? Do you even know how to check your credit score?”

They all laugh at that, Benny included.

“Daphne is amazing, you guys are right. She even loves my nerdy shit. Will doesn’t even like my nerdy shit,” Benny elbows his older brother.

“You sure about that? Maybe she just loves you. Deep down inside, she’s probably thinking ‘this is some silly ass shit’” Tom counters with his eyebrows raised, challenging him.

Out of them all, Tom had the least complicated relationship. He just wanted to make Madison happy, simple as that, and Mads felt the same towards him. He was usually the one giving level headed advice around the table whenever the boys would bring up their lady problems, and as much as they wouldn’t want to hear it at first, they usually conceded, knowing he was being reasonable.

“Nah, I know her, alright? She is just as into all of that as I am.”

The night goes on in a similar fashion, catching up and teasing, until Tom stands up, stating that he needs to get back to his fiancé, making the others groan in displeasure.

“When's the wedding again, Tom? You’ll have all the time in the world, laaaaaater,” Santi gripes.

“You guys still have to take me out for my Bachelor party, how do you not know when the wedding is? It’s next- No, you know what? You can figure it out and plan it when you’re sober, I’m heading out!”

They all chimed in for their goodbyes, knowing they’d see each other in a few days. Benny started to rise from his seat as well, finishing off the last of his beer before announcing his departure.

“Gotta get back to my girl, she’s not feelin’ too well.”

“Yeah, I should go, too, gotta pick up my kid from my mom tomorrow.” Frankie adds, also getting up from his place.

Santiago and Will share a look which doesn’t go unnoticed by Frankie, who immediately gets defensive, “What?”

“Don’t lie to us Fish, you’re gonna go there tonight and she’s gonna give you your onesie and tuck you in the same way she does for your kid!”

Santiago’s never let go of an opportunity to rip on Frankie’s relationship with his mother. Everybody knew he was a momma’s boy, but now he uses his daughter as an excuse for why he’s over all the time. She cooks all his meals, she does his laundry for him, they even have matching pyjamas which they wear on their movie nights together. He stops by on his way home from work because she’s made his favourite dish, or picked up those socks he likes from Costco. Santiago is only teasing but it’s become glaringly obvious that for all that he complains about being a single dad, Fish doesn’t really make time for another woman in his life.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Pope. Don’t come asking for her pie next time you’re over.”

“Now hey-” Threats were getting serious, Santiago had to back up a bit.

###

The first bomb had been dropped.

The next day had you heading to your local bookstore, with your notebook in hand, filled with scribbles of tips from Steve. You had finished the episode of Oprah, surprised to have found some possibly useful ideas to push Benny to the next step in your relationship. Looking for his book, you tell yourself you’re not tricking him, you’re just trying to move forward in your life together.

Settling in to read for a bit before Benny came home, you found the chapter that focuses on “The Non-committer”, aka your Golden Retriever boyfriend, which described how you need to require him to step up and propose. Your last birthday, the boys came over for dinner; they treated you like one of their own, which was wonderful! Except that it was your birthday, and you were dressed for a romantic dinner for two. You really were one of the boys. Speaking of which, you looked around, noticing how much your shared apartment looked like a college dorm room, one that housed several boys, not the sophisticated adult space you always envisioned. You develop an idea, one that might upset him but that will overall clean up the place and make it look like two working adults live there. There’s a used bong on his favoured side of the couch for fuck’s sake.

Yeah, that’s it, the first move has already formed in your head, your calculating gaze sweeping across your living room making note of what you’re going to keep and what’s going in storage. The couch will have to wait for another day, you can’t lift it on your own.

Later that evening, Benny comes home while you’re making dinner, chicken wings and fries - not your guilty mind telling you to make his favourite, nope - and his joyful shout at the smell makes your stomach twirl happily. After all these years, his easy smile and comforting presence is still your favourite thing in the world and you want to never stop seeing it. On his way to kiss your cheek in greeting, he catches a glimpse of the drastically different living room space and stops mid-walk, body visibly frozen in shock.

“Babe! Did we get robbed?! Where’s all of my posters, my figurines?! How did you not notice we got robbed?!!” He’s rushing to inspect the empty spaces.

“Relax, I just tidied up a bit,” you try to keep your voice even and light. “They’re safe, Vader’s safe. I just thought we could paint the living room.”

He exhales in relief, painting he could deal with, painting he could work with.

“...and redecorate,” you say under your breath.

“Redecorate?” Benny echoes, confusion taking up his pretty face. “I thought you liked that stuff, why would you wanna redecorate?”

Dropping the last of the wings into the deep fryer you turn to face him fully. “Because, Benny, it looks like we’re still in college. We’re adults, we make decent money, don’t you want this to look like a real home? One where all of our friends haven’t had sex on our couch?”

“What’s wrong with my couch?”

“Baby, it has duct tape holding the back together. We’ve literally had it for ages, and God knows how many times you’ve spilled your bong on it!”

“This couch has history!”

You just level him with a look, before showing him the couch catalogue you were browsing, pointing out the ones you thought he’d like.

“I’d rather watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with you again than couch shop,” Benny grumbles.

“I know you would because I caught you watching it by yourself a week later. Cmonnnn Benny, it smells so bad.”

“Okay, fine but listen I’m really bad at this. Can you just do it without me? I trust you to pick one. Please?” He leans in to kiss your cheek and heads straight for the deep fryer, gathering the rest of the food to set out for the two of you.

Surprise colours your face but you’ll take the win. New couch, slightly more adult space, this was shaping up to be a productive evening. The two of you ate dinner, Benny making loud noises of enjoyment from the guilt-wings you made, watching your post-work show together. These are the moments you loved, the simple comfort of each other’s presence, of having your best friend there at the end of every day.

#triple frontier #triple frontier fic #benny miller #benny miller x female reader #will miller #santiago garcia #frankie morales #mona writes???

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saellefanwork · 5 months

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𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕋𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕋𝕚𝕞𝕖

Reminder: This Demon Slayer fic is rated Mature (adults only) for canon-typical violence and eventual suggestive or explicit sexual content

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Chapter 3: The Calm before the Storm

Kyojuro has become a Demon Slayer and that has significantly reduced the time he can spend with Kanoko. As they engage in sparring lessons, his skills continue to improve, leaving her feeling left behind. Despite her eagerness, Kanoko's grandparents insist on delaying the start of her hunting career.

Author Note: Chapter 2/5 of the Flash Back Arc.

Kyojuro excelled in the Final Selection, returning nearly unscathed, which impressed many higher-ranked Demon Slayers who had high expectations for the son of the Flame Pillar. Shortly after his trial, he found you in your familiar meeting place, dressed in the Kisatsutai's gakuran with red kyahan adorned with flame patterns and his katana at his belt.

The joy of seeing your friend alive was only matched by the apprehension gripping your heart in that moment. His new appearance carried the weight of your newfound reality. Kyojuro had become a Demon Slayer and would likely remain one until his death or retirement, provided he had the chance to survive until then. He would embark on frequent missions, and aside from the limited time you would have to see each other, every encounter could potentially be the last.

But for now, you pushed those thoughts at the back of your head to congratulate him. "Great job, Kyojuro! I knew you could do it!" You paused, circling around him as you watched him closely. He followed your movement with his piercing eyes, his smile perhaps a bit more proud than usual. "It's incredible—there's not even a scratch on you! And the uniform suits you perfectly, as if you were born to wear it!" His smile turned bashful, and a faint blush appeared on his cheeks for a moment.

"So, did you encounter any demons?" you asked.

"Hmm! Quite a few, actually! I tried to assist as many participants as possible. I befriended other recruits; they were good kids, burning with passion! I hope to see them again! I am glad I finally had the chance to contribute to helping others and exterminating demons, even if it was part of a test," he replied, clenching his fist in front of him to emphasize his determination, his golden and red eyes gleaming with purpose.

You nodded approvingly, deeply admiring him and feeling a tinge of envy. The worry still lingered, but it was overshadowed by your excitement and curiosity.

"Can I see your Nichirin sword?" you asked.

With an approving "hum!" Kyojuro entrusted you with his katana. The scabbard was simple and lacquered, like those of most Demon Slayers. Gripping the white leathered handle, you carefully drew out the blade. Your eyes reflected on the crimson steel adorned with fiery patterns. A fitting weapon for a user of Flame Breathing.

"Wow," you murmured, your gaze fixated on the steel's grain, admiring the craftsmanship of the swordmith and how the unique alloy had reacted to your companion's powers.

Curiosity sparked in Kyojuro eyes as he asked, arms crossed, "What do the Nichirin swords look like in your clan? And when do you receive them since you don't go through the Final Selection?"

"Most of the Nichirin swords wielded by Time Breathing users turn silver and blue once infused with their owners' energy. According to our family tradition, my father forged a katana for me the day I was born. My mother should have given it to me when she deemed me ready to take over, which would have marked her own retirement. But since she's no longer here, it's up to my grandmother to decide when I'll be fit to hunt demons..."

"You are already capable of hunting demons, Kanoko!" Kyojuro reassured you with a big smile.

"She doesn't agree," you replied with a sour smile. "Despite my efforts to convince her, she believes I'm not strong enough yet. Sometimes I wonder if it's because she fears losing the last heir of the Nagase family. My death would end nearly three hundred years of Time Breathing legacy. I'm afraid she's waiting for me to get married and have children before letting me hunt demons." There was no need to mention that you didn't want to wait that long. At this point, you weren't even sure if you wanted to marry or have kids.

"Hmm! That would be a very pragmatic and cold interpretation of her behavior. Perhaps she simply fears losing you out of love, considering she has already lost her daughter."

"My grandparents aren't very sentimental," you firmly denied. "Oh, don't get me wrong, they're not bad either, but our family duty takes precedence over any display of affection."

After that, Kyojuro fell into silence, his gaze distant as he lost himself in his thoughts. Not wanting to bore him with your family trivia, you decided to change the subject by asking about the events of the Final Selection. He recounted in detail his battles spanning the seven nights of the trial. As you listened, you realized that his martial abilities were not his only strength—he was intelligent and resourceful, qualities that greatly contributed to his survival and the candidates he mentored during the examination. You found his fervor to help others commendable and wondered if you would be as admirable and strong-willed when the time came for you to face a demon.

Engrossed in your conversation, you hadn't noticed the passage of time. The sun was descending in the sky when Kyojuro's crow interrupted you by perching on his shoulder.

"Caw! A demon to the south of here is kidnapping children with a flute! You must head there with other Mizunoto for reinforcement and investigation!"

"Oh... thank you for the information, Kaname-san! I must go, Kanoko. I'll drop off the bento boxes I bought for my family and bid them farewell, since it's on my way. See ya!"

He hurried away before you could reply. A mission, already...? He had only returned home a few days ago, and you had just been reunited...

You found yourself alone for a week... then a second. There were no rumors circulating about the death of the Rengokus' first son, which was reassuring, but you were worried about not hearing any news for so long. Despite the frequent rain during this time, you still tried to go to the clearing every day.

Finally, you decided to confront your fears directly at the Rengoku estate. Although the prospect of encountering the Flame Pillar worried you, especially since you had the feeling that he was ill-tempered, you hoped to meet Senjuro first and inquire about his brother's well-being.

Fortunately, the patriarch was nowhere to be seen when you arrived at the magnificent estate. Senjuro, on the other hand, was in the garden, clumsily but fervently practicing with a bokken. Even though he was facing away from you and you had never seen him before, it wasn't difficult to recognize him with his blond hair and the red strands standing atop his head.

"Excuse me, um... Senjuro-kun?"

The young boy, no more than six years old, turned to you with a surprised expression. Oh... how much he resembled Kyojuro. Of course, with more juvenile features and a much softer demeanor. He seemed very embarrassed to have been caught offguard while practicing.

"Ha! Um... sorry, I was so absorbed in my training, I didn't hear you coming. What can I do for you?"

You could tell he was extremely polite and mature for his age. His tone was kind and sweet, and he spoke much more softly than his loud elder brother. You smiled at him fondly, warmed by the resemblance and contrast between the two brothers.

"I'm a friend of Kyojuro. Since he's been on a mission for a while, I was wondering if you've heard any news from him..."

"Ha... Aniue has returned from his mission not long ago. He has faced and killed a fairly strong demon and is currently receiving treatment for his injuries at the Butterfly Estate. He should be coming back today. Would you like to wait for him here?"

"May I? That's kind of you, but I don't want to bother..."

"You won't!" he insisted with a big smile, suddenly accentuating his resemblance to Kyojuro. "I'm sure my brother will be delighted to find you here. I can prepare some tea for you if you'd like."

You offered to help and followed Senjuro into the kitchen. You noticed there were hardly any servants in sight but refrained from asking any questions as you observed Senjuro confidently navigate the area. Despite his young age, he seemed remarkably independent. Still, you tried to lend a hand, feeling a sense of responsibility towards the kid.

Finally, you settled under the canopy to enjoy the tea and rice biscuits.

"You're Nagase-san, right? My brother speaks highly of you! And he brought us meals that you prepared. Thank you, they were delicious!"

"You're welcome, and you can call me Kanoko. Your older brother also talks a lot about you, to the point where I feel like I know you just as well as him. I should have had a younger brother or sister around your age, you know? Kyojuro is lucky to have you."

"Ha... thank you, Kanoko-san." He appeared both embarrassed and pleased that you allowed him to address you by your given name. "I am the lucky one to have Kyojuro as my big brother. He's amazing. I hope to become like him someday."

"There's no reason to worry about that, I am sure you will turn out as a great man later," you assured him with a warm smile.

Senjuro beamed but soon shifted uncomfortably.

"What happened to your little brother or sister...?"

"Unfortunately, my mother passed away before she could give birth. She and my father were attacked by bandits. It's ironic when you consider that they spent their lives protecting humans from demons. My father was a swordsmith and didn't know how to fight, so he couldn't defend himself. As for my mother, she was a skilled swordswoman, but she was eight months pregnant and had a difficult pregnancy, so she couldn't protect their lives."

"Oh... I see... I'm sorry for asking..."

"It's okay, it happened years ago, and I don't dwell on it anymore." It was a lie. You remembered your parents vividly, especially the last time you saw them, when they entrusted you to your grandparents while they went to see a specialized doctor in the nearest town... and never returned. But what purpose would it serve to share that with him?

You continued to drink your tea in silence. Senjuro appeared quite embarrassed after your previous conversation and seemed much more reserved than his brother. Wanting to lift his spirits, you decided to change the subject.

"You were practicing with the sword, right? Would you like to train together?" you asked, hoping to cheer him up.

"Ha... yes, if it's not too much to ask...! Kyojuro told me about your training sessions, and I would like to have your advice!"

You smiled and began practicing sword movements and katas together. Unlike his older brother, Senjuro didn't seem to have a natural talent for combat, even considering his young age. He appeared hesitant and tense, as if a weapon had nothing to do in his hands. However, his determination was admirable, and you found it touching how he hoped to be of use to his big brother. You teached him what you could that day, finding the experience enjoyable as he was a serious and diligent student.

When Kyojuro returned, his booming voice announced his presence before anything else.

"Kanoko! Senjuro! What a surprise to see you together here! I see you are working hard!" Both of you jumped in surprise. The Slayer spoke louder than usual, which you didn't think was possible.

"Aniue!" Senjuro squealed, rushing into his brother's arms. Kyojuro knelt down and immediately embraced him, laughing tenderly. "Are you badly injured?"

"Sorry, little brother, but I can't hear a word you're saying!" Kyojuro replied unknowingly to the question. "The demon I faced manipulated his opponents with a flute. I ruptured my eardrums to confront him. Kochō-senpai gave me medicine to speed up the healing and earplugs to protect my ears, but I will be hard of hearing for a few weeks!" You and Senjuro must have looked horrified at his statement because he laughed loudly at your expressions. "There is nothing to worry about! Many comrades have fallen for me to behead him. I feel lucky to be alive! And thanks to their sacrifice and my injury, I was able to save a life. It is worth being deaf for a while!" he cheerfully downplayed, placing his hands on his hips in a nonchalant manner.

There was nothing worth laughing; he had mutilated himself to defeat his opponent! Yet, this was his new reality now—risking his life and physical well-being everyday to protect the weak. You swallowed your remarks and anxieties and congratulated him on his bravery, vowing once again to follow his example when the time came. As hearing was a crucial asset for the Kisatsutai soldiers, Kyojuro didn't immediately embark on another mission and remained at home for a while, although it didn't hinder his ardent training. During this time, you visited him directly at his estate to avoid needlessly impeding his recovery.

Kyojuro recovered quickly. When he was fully healed, he visited your home for the first time, accompanied by his little brother. The reaction of your grandparents upon seeing them would have been comical if it hadn't simultaneously filled you with terror. Fortunately, although they were clearly not thrilled to host the sons of a Hashira, etiquette prevented them from expressing it. After your guests left, you were scolded proficiently for associating with such individuals. In the midst of the scolding, your grandmother muttered an enigmatic phrase.

"Of all the people you could have befriended on this island, it had to be Demon Slayers! Not only that, but the Rengokus! Tssk. The blood of our ancestor Oai runs strong in your veins."

Curiously, it was difficult to determine if it was meant as a compliment or a reproach, and the topic was dropped. Since your grandparents didn't forbid you to see the Flame Hashira's sons again, you considered yourself fortunate and chose not to delve further into the matter.

The months passed in this way: Kyojuro was inevitably and quickly called on missions, and after a varying period of time, he returned more often injured than not. The length of his breaks always corresponded to the severity of his injuries, making your prolonged reunions bittersweet, and his visits in good health extremely fleeting. As soon as he was fit to fight again, he was swiftly sent back on a mission, and the cycle continued. As their fight was endless, the life of a Demon Slayer was relentless.

As both of you had no choice but to train and wait behind, you and Senjuro grew extremely close too. The two boys became like family to you. Your meetings with the Rengokus sons took place alternately in your usual meadow, their domain, or your family home. You caught a glimpse of their father once during your visits, completely drunk in the garden, ranting at terrified servants, and you immediately fled. Fortunately, he seemed absent or too intoxicated to cause much trouble most of the time. You weren't even sure if he was aware of your visits to his house.

You and Kyojuro continued to train together whenever possible, but the gap between your skills grew wider. He gained experience by facing demons and interacting with numerous other warriors, while your grandparents continued to prohibit you from starting your demon hunter carrier. It was frustrating to realize that you were no longer making significant progress, even with the teachings of your grandmother, Kyojuro's advice, and your mother's journal. Soon enough, you couldn't defeat your friend in a duel anymore.

Two years passed in this manner. You finally adapted to your new routine and resigned yourself to the idea that you wouldn't be able to join the battle until you married a swordsmith and provided your family a heir.

But then, a tragic incident disrupted the course of events.

Modern Era Secret: About Kanoko's family name, "Nagase". The first character, 永 (naga), means "eternity" or "perpetual." It represents the idea of something lasting indefinitely or having a timeless quality. The second character, 瀬 (se), refers to a shallow or swift-flowing river. By combining these characters, 永瀬 (Nagase) can convey the concept of eternal flow.

For Kanoko's given name, I wanted to provide the kanji 花乃子. 花 (hana -read "ka" here) means "flower", 乃 (no) is a possessive particle, and 子 (ko) means "child" or "girl."

However, I'm uncertain if these writings are accurate since I'm relying on internet resources and can't write Japanese myself. It seems both this name and surname exist, though (at least in Japanese fiction). Any insights or improvements would be greatly appreciated! This is just for trivia's sake. In the story, I am using romanji anyway :)

Readers using Interactive Fics to change names: "Booh! We don't care! Just post the next chapter already!"

Alright, alright... Next Chapter: "The Darkest Night"!

#rengoku x reader #rengoku x oc #rengoku kyojuro x reader #kny x reader #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer oc #reader insert #rengoku kyojuro #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #demon slayer fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic

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bengiyo · 2 years

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BL Round-Up

This is the first time in a while that I’ve been watching less than 10 shows at once, so I figured I’d get some of my thoughts down.

Big Feelings

Where is the Sexual Tension?

I am in a weird funk with BL right now about how saccharine shows want to be. I feel an intense mismatch with how much exists within the drama and what feels like overly-modest portrayals of relationship dynamics. Maybe it’s just actor chemistry not lining up effectively with the shows, but I’ve been deeply bored with a lot of pairs active right now, and I wonder if it’s just because the gap between the good and the bad feels extreme for me right now. So, sincerely, where is the sexual tension in the dramas right now? Did KinnPorsche suck all of it out of the genre at once?

Running From Embarassment

This is a Japanese trope that I think I’m falling out of love with. Ever since @absolutebl conflated it with blushing maiden trope, I’ve not been able to unsee it. It feels like an easy way to bring a scene to an end and avoid a Now Kiss moment, but I kinda hate watching boys from each other if they feel a rise in romantic or sexual tension.

The Shows

Close Friend 2 - I am actually liking this show, even if I think it’s a bit slow. I know a lot of people were frustrated with SOTUS S and IPYTM, but I really like when we go past the high of getting together with someone and plunge into the not-so-pretty world of being with someone. I really like that Fluke and Ohm get to show a couple suffering inside the closet together. However, I think I’m learning that I’m not a KimCop fan. I’ve bounced off of almost every project they’ve been involved with, and I’m struggling here too. I like the story being told about their characters and their pairing, but I don’t think I’m really feeling them as a pair. To be clear, I think they’re doing an admirable job even if I’m not totally with them.

Dear Doctor, I’m Coming For Soul - This is another post-school show that I will always support in the hopes that the genre doesn’t get stuck only telling stories about teens and undergrads. However, Prakan’s god complex has been frustrating, and Metha’s misplaced jealousy is going to worsen care for patients. It’s bad enough that I’m questioning Nuch’s crush on Metha, because he is giving off such terrible vibes. I think Nathee falls for Kheeta a little quickly (in the sense that I didn’t feel his feelings shift on screen even if I understand where it may have occurred), but I’m invested in seeing their dynamic through. I’m enjoying the supernatural components, but I’m not entirely certain where this story is headed.

Still, I want to appload this show for delivering solid intimate chemistry with its couples, which I’ve been wanting a lot more of lately.

KinnPorsche - There’s a lot of feelings all over the tags about this show, but I am still liking it. I think the episodes can have some huge tonal swings sometimes (I felt that in episode 2 especially), but damn do I really love how earnest this show manages to be when deceit and manipulation are a big part of the storytelling. There are some banger posts folks have been writing about this, and I’m having fun seeing a lot of folks intensely engaged again. Feels like we haven’t had that since Not Me or Bad Buddy. Really enjoying the work on this show, and enjoying the way Be On Cloud has been doing BTS drops. I feel like this show has a lot of ground to cover in six episodes, but I’m really enjoying the cast and especially the way Mile and Apo are playing out this relationship. More than Dear Doctor, I’m enjoying believing that the characters want to bone.

La Cuisine - I like the friends and family of this show, but HOO BOY is this show SLOW. That being said, I like that this show called a gay bashing what it was, and I like seeing a famous actress express righteous rage at the way paparazzi violate the privacy of children. There are an alarming number of stories in recent years from SE Asia about reporters inflicinting injury on infants and toddlers to get to their parents. Ram and Lukchub are a bit weak for me, but this show has been an easy watch, so I’m not gonna be harsh. There are a lot of neat things in this show, especially seeing people suss out NamNing right away and bring the correct response. Half-joked to my bestie that she was gonna have a gun, and I am sad that I am correct.

Meow Ears Up! - I often struggle with shapeshifter stories for a lot of different reasons, but this show ended up being more fun (so far) than I expected. I struggle with Meow’s awareness of the world, because he seems overly sheltered sometimes and supremely aware other times. Evan and Faiyen are a lot easier to approach. I have enjoyed the GL in this show with Jin and Manni. However…where is the sexual tension in this show? It’s too sweet for me, I think.

Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice But To Kiss! - I am really loving this show. Japan is always good at taking a very narrow concept and getting a lot of character mileage out of it. I like Shinomiya being firm with Fukuhara and demanding they be clear about their intentions for each other, especially one that covered a lot of ground. I like Fukuhara starting to look at his life differently. I like the vibe of all of the other classmates. I liked the end of the episode, where once again Shinomiya keeps his worries private and only expresses joy and relief to see Fukuhara whole. We even got to see Shinomiya in an apron that looks so much like overalls that it sent me to the stratosphere. (Shoutout to @liyazaki for giffing that for me). I like this show a lot, and my biggest hope is that we understand why Shinomiya has liked Fukuhara since before the first episode. Also, why is there a GUN in the next episode. So many guns in BL right now!

My Secret Love - I am watching this to support Earth Teerapat, but I don’t know that I’m feeling it after the first episode? It took me three sittings to finish it. Maybe I’m nearing the end of my ability to watch all school BL, particularly enemies to lovers. I think the implication that there are multiple secret pairings is interesting, but eh? Otherwise, the show sincerely seems fine; I just think my tastes are shifting.

Plus & Minus - I love, love, love this show. I’m a sucker for long-term pining between best friends. I’m also a sucker for someone living a quiet life getting sucked up into a new romance with a far more outgoing partner. The bed scene of episode 8 is probably something I will talk about forever, and may devote a second post to. For now, let me say that I was so glad we got to see both Fu Li Gong and Zhang Ze Zhou awkwardly prepare for their first night in bed as a couple. I like that they were able to find comfort in each other, and I really like Ze Zhou being comfortable with Li Gong wanting to stop for the night. We rarely see that in BL, and I loved it. Also, the double date camping trip was incredibly endearing for both couples. I look forward to this and Mr. Unlucky very late on Thursday night to the point that it’s affected my watching of Critical Role.

Star in My Mind - I like that it felt like Kluen could lose Daoneua for not getting his shit together, but goddamn was this show painful for me. I don’t generally enjoy noncommunication as a story driver. I’m also not a fan of the way Kluen consistently kisses Daoneua unexpectedly or when he’s sleeping. This felt pretty familiar in terms of Thai BL, but I don’t think I’m going to reflect on this one fondly.

What Zabb Man - I feel like I wanted something from this show that it absolutely did not promise at all. In a lot of ways, I actually think this show is really delightful in that it takes a lot of the movements of college BL and applies them to people working in food service. You get a competition. You get pining and relationship drama. You get the sort of cute, patient first steps of first time dating. You get a really possessive seme. You even get the complexities of huge wealth gap in a relationship. I think this show is truly fine. I just think I was hoping for the BL answer to Waiting (2005), and was expecting there to be more heat to this show, particularly amongst the kitchen staff. I thought this show would go that route early, but things felt rather chaste in the finale.

I’m still hoping that someone will give us the dramatic and “why is everyone having sex with everyone?” show that we need.

Final Thoughts

I continue to enjoy BL, though I will say I’m glad I’m not watching close to 15 active show right now. I feel like I’m not enjoying the more soft and cute shows with minimal sexual tension in them at this point, especially when the leads and characters are adults; I can understand the restrictions placed on filming and displaying minors in other countries.

Honestly, I feel like I just want more of Kinou Nani Tabeta (aka What Did You Eat Yesterday?) and Papa & Daddy.

#close friend 2 #dear doctor i'm coming for soul #kinnporsche #la cuisine the series #meow ears up #mr. unlucky has no choice but to kiss!#my secret love #plus & minus #star in my mind #what zabb man #Ben watches

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mandolinistry · 10 months

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Taru van den Born is a Dutch blacksmith with a degree in Psychology, who offers training to ND folks, which he believes is therapeutic in many ways. He is doing a wonderful thing for ND folks. Folks like me, as I have ADHD.

I feel the same concepts and benefits could be found in woodworking, or any number of handcrafting/trade fields like smithing and woodworking.

I've certainly found woodoworking immensely beneficial for my ADHD. I didn't even get diagnosed or treated until I was 32. I spent my life before that being terrible at everything, and never sticking with anything for long except music, which I still wasn't very good at. I never understood why and assumed I'd always be a mess. Couldn't even hold a job for very long.

I got into woodworking shortly after getting help for my ADHD. Getting therapy and meds was profoundly life changing. Woodworking (or any craft) is no substitute for proper treatment and I wouldn't be where I am without out the support and good work being done by the docs at the Adult ADHD Clinic at the Hope Centre in North Vancouver. It's the only clinic of it's kind in Canada, a pilot project where adults with ADHD can get help entirely funded by public healthcare.

Woodworking had given me something I can engage with and focus on. I can lose myself in it for hours working on some small detail, existing only in the space between the wood and aris of the chisel. It's grounding, and very gratifying.

It requires a degree of planning and organization. I've gotten a lot of use out of the organization and project management skills I learned in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but also refined those and learned a lot more through woodworking. It's taught me a lot of patience as well.

It's also diverse enough to keep my ADHD brain filled with novelty and change. One day I might be carving dovetails, the next restoring an old tool using electrolysis, the next doing some basic metalworking to make a blade or a thread cutter. There's always new techniques and methods to learn or research to do. Maybe today I'll go down a rabbithole on Victorian furniture decorative carvings, or some obscure facet of making iron age lyres. I've even translated books from Swedish and Finnish just to learn the minutae of Tagelharpa and Jouhikko bowed lyres.

So it gives me a universe of things to explore while staying in orbit around that central point of woodworking.

In the end, I have a physical object I created, or someone else does, but I made it. I can see my progress in physical objective terms. There is something deeply satisfying about that. Its creative but also very functional and practical. I'm engaging my artistic side by making something that is beautiful, or makes beautiful noise. At the same time its something physical which serves a practical purpose.

I never thought I'd be good at anything, but I'm getting good at this, and getting better every day, and that simple thing alone has been so good for my ADHD brain.

Of course, at my job most of my day is just making simple components, customizing doors, or replicating pieces for customers, but its still grounding and satisfying. Sometimes that includes restoring 150 year old doors or replicating Victorian moulding. Replicating or making custom components often requires creativity as I need to work out how to do it, and occasionally design new jigs and guides specific to that component. Sometimes I get to make new tools or equipment, such as a router table, for the shop.

I have to give my company a lot of credit for being a supportive environment that's helped me grow and put up with my constant screwups. This is very much a form of privilege that many of us ND folk can only wish for, and I wish we could all have. Taru van den Born seems to be fostering that kind of environment, which is just as important as any practical skill he might teach there.

I think we all, ND and Normie alike, could learn some things from his example, and I don't just mean how to forge metal.

Anyway thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

#adhd autistic #adhd stuff #adhd #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #my adhd #woodworking #blacksmith #therapy #handcrafted #late diagnosed adhd

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turtlemagnum · 10 months

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long vent post, don't click the thing unless you want to read that shit

god, i feel perpetually like someone's second choice. perpetually the one that gets forgotten. the one who yearns and isn't yearned for. i want to be loved, not even necessarily in a romantic sense, but as a friend, as someone people genuinely care about. as someone that people message first, as someone people actually care about as a person and someone to listen to, whose ideas people think are interesting, as someone who's actually fucking engaging to talk to.

i'm genuinely not sure if i'm the problem or if the people around me are. most of the time, it feels like the people around me couldn't care less about what i say, how i feel, what i'm thinking. maybe this wouldn't be such a problem if i didn't care so much about what they have to say. i'm always the one to check in on somebody if it seems like they're not doing ok. i try to be there for people, because i care, but even when i try to be there for people i'm never their first choice for help. i know i shouldn't tie my self worth to what other people think of me, but i know we all need somebody sometime. recognition of the self through the other is a hell of a drug, i guess

i have to care, i have to keep caring, because that's one of the only good things about me. i have to keep caring, because i know eventually, some day, somebody'll care back. i know it can happen, because it's happened before, and then we pushed each other away until i couldn't take it anymore and broke it off. i just hope i'll find another person that cares the way i do, one that won't change to be uncaring towards me, before i die.

it feels like i'm drowning, perpetually, i feel the weight and pressure of the ocean above me and can feel my lungs crushing me. but i won't die. i can't die. because for now, it's my choice to die, and i care too much to make that choice. i have too damn well developed of a self preservation instinct to make that choice. so i keep going. i keep floating, crushed ounce by ounce, but i hang on, because that's what i've always done, and that's what i'll always do. i survive, despite it all. my soul is like a cockroach surviving a nuclear winter, my fighting spirit is just strong enough to keep me alive, so here i am. lonesome, without someone to love, without someone to love me, without someone to know, without someone to know me, without anybody to support or be supported by.

anyone i have that could be remotely described as a friend or family barely seems to care. at best, it's generally a passing acknowledgement fueled by a mutual interest in something. at worst, it feels like an obligation. just checking in, not caring about anything i have to say, if they do want "conversation" if it can even be called that, they just want to talk past me about their job or something else deeply inane, and back when i had a job all they wanted to talk to me about is my fucking job, because that's all there is to life for some people.

probably doesn't help that i can't fucking sleep lately. a few hours at a time at most, never restful, just technically enough to keep me alive. it feels like i can hardly do anything without becoming too exhausted to keep going. it feels like im dying. at least i've finally managed to get into a semi consistent routine of brushing my teeth.

i always have a hard time deciding what to end these on. not sure there's much of a point to anything, much less this post. at least, i do have hope that it'll get better. i have to, i just have to

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childofaura · 11 months

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This might be a little different from other asks but since I asked which are your top 10 fav characters from Engage, how about I ask which is your top 10 fav characters from Three Houses and why they’re your favs?

Oh THIS one will be fun but also hard! So I will say that I love all these equally and this is in no particular order, but number 1 is for SURE number 1.

Dedue. I adore Dedue for a lot of reasons. His backstory reminds me a lot of Scar from Fullmetal Alchemist (and he even kind of looks like him too, lol), but rather than violence and vengeance he's just incredibly patient and even-tempered. And I really like that out of both the personal retainers (Hilda and Hubert), how unique he is. He has no Crest and nor is he a noble who is made to serve the leaders, but it's rather that Dimitri showed him such kindness and giving him that second chance. Plus he's just so kind and compassionate to the others, and very hard-working and loyal (and handsome). There was no chance that I WASN'T going to fall in love with him. So yeah I will marry Dedue in every Three Houses playthrough (and support in every Three Hopes playthrough).

2. Catherine. I will say this: Everyone's got a "I'm not gay BUT-" kind of character. Sometimes even multiple types of that character. And in Three Houses, Catherine is that one for me. She's boisterous, fun, rowdy, but also just incredibly funny and also deeply self-reflective. She carries a lot of burden from killing Christophe and even though it hurts her, she still holds fast to her convictions. But also she just likes having a good time. I'm still incredibly mad IS never gave her a support with Balthus (But gave Shamir one with him instead, WHICH WHY???) because they're practically parallels to each other. Also she's pretty.

3. Alois. I am SO sad that so many people seem to not like nor care much for Alois, both in-game and in the fandom. And it hurts that even Jeralt doesn't seem to ever have any real connecting moments with him and treats him more like a nuisance, even though the game tries its damndest to imply that Jeralt sees Alois like a son (WHICH WOULD HELP IF THE TWO ACTUALLY HAD SOME DECENT DIALOGUE BETWEEN EACH OTHER!!!). Alois is the sunshine man, he gets along with practically everyone and never lets himself be dragged down by sadness or tragedy. And he's die-hard loyal to Jeralt, he even leaves the Church to follow him. I'll say it, too: The puns may be awful but I still like them, he has a sense of humor at least.

4. Rhea. This one had gone through a process because I didn't know HOW to feel about her during the Blue Lions route. I was super wary of her after the Miklan mission because she had seemed to know about the whole Beast/Relic situation without telling us first. But then the game went on, more info was coming out, and after watching the cutscenes from Silver Snow and Verdant Wind, I actually felt bad for her when all the cards were on the table. She has good intentions, and she's trying to keep the peace as best as she can, but she also isn't honest with those around her and it kind of works against her. But I understand she's trying to juggle both keeping Fodlan peaceful and protecting the last remaining Nabateans after the others were slaughtered by Nemesis and TWSitD. Also her battle theme is beautiful.

5. Manuela. Gosh that woman is a hot mess and I love her. I am so happy she's not just some bland cougar-type character but that she actually has a balanced personality. She drinks like a sailor, can't hold onto a date, but also she's an accomplished physician and famous opera-singer. She can be kind of undisciplined and unable to take things seriously, but also she does her job with a sense of duty and has a kind heart overall. And I REALLY ship her with Seteth. But also it kills me that she's Black Eagles-exclusive in Three Hopes, it's total bullshit. There's no reason a teacher for Garreg Mach would ONLY be fighting for the Empire.

6. Balthus. My weakness. My bane. A tall, gorgeous, fiery and rowdy beefcake with a surprisingly thoughtful backstory. And he's smarter than he lets on, which is why it kills me that FEH keeps flanderizing his character (and even MISCHARACTERIZING him that one time Hilda dragged him to training. Hilda. The lazy girl. Dragging Balthus. The tanked as FUCK King of Grappling who LOVES to train and fight). And I think one of the things I love the most is how he even understands just how flawed he is, though he makes the mistake of thinking people hate him for his flaws. As if there aren't hordes of fangirls wanting to marry him. He's just a genuine sweetheart and a relatively honest guy.

7. Dimitri. This one's pretty much a given, I love Dimitri the most out of the three leaders, and I feel like he had the best development and story over the other two. His downfall and his rebirth makes him probably one of the most multi-faceted lord characters of FEH. He has an incredibly compassionate heart and he's so prone to seeking peace as a solution; you see it so many times, with Dedue (which that HAD to be hard, imagine being told that an entire race of people was responsible for the death of your family and friends. But then you see a boy from that same race, not much older than yourself, injured and broken from losing his family too, and you empathize with him and save him), with Edelgard in Azure Moon when he wants a peace talk and after he defeats her, with Claude (saving him from the attack by TWSitD), and even with Miklan in Three Hopes. I adore his optimism and his ideals.

8. Seteth. Great character, responsible, a little too strict sometimes, but he's still at his core a genuinely good person. It's simply that he puts Flayn above all else, for good reason. And even with all that, he can be a little flexible sometimes, such as when he tells Manuela that he'll accompany her when she goes out drinking and he'll even be her drinking buddy. Though I feel a little cheated that we never saw a draconic form for him or Flayn, I can't imagine how hype it would have been if we got to see him transform in a cutscene or something.

9. Flayn. Under no circumstances can I put Seteth on this list without putting Flayn. She's thousands of years old and somehow she's baby. Absolutely precious and curious and selfless in helping others. And it's adorable how punctual her speech is. Flayn's just a cutie patootie and I love her.

10. Rodrigue. This man is so important and he doesn't even realize it. His whole character essentially being Dimitri's second dad is so sweet and painful when THAT event happens. And I love the fact that he's playable in Three Hopes and he gets some much-needed closure with Felix. He's incredibly likable and helpful overall.

I know I picked a lot of non-students on this list, and I DO like a lot of the students almost just as much as the ones on this list. But I definitely feel like all these characters deserved a shout-out. Stuck with Three Houses specifically since it was the ask, but I wanna put an honorable mention to Shez (both versions) and Three Hopes Miklan at the end. But yeah I'd say these 10 are probably my most favorite of all. And I DO like (most of) the students a lot.

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rimouskis · 1 year

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scuffing my feet against the rocks churlishly with my hands shoved deep in my pockets like a teenager dragged unwillingly on a family outing because corporate events make me feel both like a child and like an idiot

I like... I feel weirdly not cut out for it? not in a "job capabilities" way; the work is honestly easy, I'm pretty good at it, and I get shit done efficiently and way beyond my boss's standards.

it's these events that throw me off! it's situations where we go places to rub elbows and massage egos and do.... weird emotional-side business stuff that I am deeply not savvy or experienced enough to do.

I imagine in 20 years, were I to stay in this environment, I would get better at it because that's how people work, but I don't have a natural affinity towards it. hell, my bad memory means I'm DISADVANTAGED at it, frankly. I can barely remember who is who. often I don't.

and I really don't have the skill to read between the lines when people are being disingenuous with each other. a while ago we had dinner with a woman at another event and I was being stupid because I took everything this woman and my boss said to each other at face value only to hear afterwards that my boss found that woman to be an absolute snake and wholly untrustworthy.

and I was (internally) like :0 because what I thought had been a genuine discussion between two people who didn't necessarily see eye-to-eye on things but who were committed to some level of partnership was ACTUALLY two people facing off and talking out their asses to each other because no one trusts anyone else and genuine communication can't happen in that environment!!! like OH my god

I deeply don't have it in me to function long-term in that environment lol. luckily I'm VERY siloed and protected in my position where access to me is restricted by my manager, so I'm basically never interacting with people solo, but it's upsetting to me that THAT is an environment I sometimes find myself in! like jesus! I really don't have the organizational or industry knowledge to be aware of most of the dynamics at play, and I SUPER don't have the skills to be able to tell who's selling me a bag of shit and who's trying to figure out dirt on someone and who's planning someone else's downfall.

it's not like bad dynamics don't exist in my old field... like, hell, I love getting dinner with my old coworkers and hearing about how my replacement has HORRIBLE vibes. and it's not like we never got sold bags of shit there, either. like... it's nonprofit work, okay, the whole gig is selling a bag of shit to your workers to convince them to do really emotional, hard work for garbage money lol.

but the thing was there I knew the reasons why everyone had gotten into that line of work, and why they stayed, and sure, you couldn't trust many levels of management, and some were Scary People, but where I worked was again really protected from that sort of oversight and at WORST I had an incompetent coworker or two who let me down.

I never ONCE thought any of them were, like, getting dinner with me so they could try to find out secrets to tell someone higher up and to gain an institutional foothold over me, lol. idk maybe that's me being pie-in-the-sky about it, but there's a wholly different energy to the social and mental games being played in my new setting that I find to be incompatible with how I function in life.

I don't think it's a danger to my job. I'm so new that my role at these things is to stand there and not speak unless spoken to. I can do that. I feel a little stupid tailing my boss around, and I feel very stupid when I can't engage in many conversations because I simply don't have the industry knowledge necessary, and I feel like an INFANT when I can't participate in personal life conversations because 85% of the people present are closer to my parents' age than mine, but I only have to do this, like, once every two months, if even that, and I can do it! it's fine. I love grunt work lol I come here to do little tasks for my boss along the way and it's fine.

but idk, when I think about it it's just fucking unnatural for me to be in an environment where everyone is weighing EVERYTHING about you—your appearance, your company, your associates, your work—and engaging in seemingly-frivolous-but-ACTUALLY-very-sly conversation. I can smalltalk with the best of 'em, but that's not what this is, and I am not only untrained, I am ill-suited to it by nature.

I don't think it's a bad personality feature to be easygoing, generally trusting, and willing to take people at face value as a sign of respect/assuming they hold mutual respect for you. in fact, I like it about myself and it makes my life easier. but oh man being put in a snakepit makes me wish I knew how to snakecharm better. or at all lol

#work is weiiiird #oh also me not drinking much ALWAYS gets brought up (and I feel like it singles me out/makes me look immature)#and also eating vegetarian can be a nightmare at these events

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fieldsplitting · 4 days

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Lately I feel ridiculous for worrying about the things I worry about in my life, with the genocide in Palestine going on. It fades in and out of my consciousness depending on how busy work it / how much I am following the news / etc. But obviously to be at the point of "university students and professors being rounded up and hauled off in handcuffs as if they're hardened criminals, for engaging in public protest" is an obnoxious and heart-breaking red flag. I admire their courage even as I deplore the circumstances that led us to this point (and I try to keep an eye out for reputable bail funds etc. to donate to, in the meantime.)

I read a tweet yesterday about the importance of the protest movement which, as I write this, is currently sweeping through American universities. Even though college students are young bourgeoisie in training, these protests are important because they disrupt (however provisionally) that social mechanism. It's difficult for me not to feel absurd reading discourse like that, sometimes. I'm a code monkey with 3 years' experience after a nearly decade-long stint as a glorified junior PM at [totally different workplace / industry I avoid having to discuss in great detail if I don't have to.] Today, I spent an hour chatting with a professional coach (complements of my employer's benefits package) about how scared I am that I am alienating my teammates by spending too much time sitting by myself away from them, to focus deeply on their PR's. And how I might proactively address that while reminding them that they're always welcome to reach out to me, even if they can't find me right away. Relationship management and all of that good stuff. And I am genuinely glad I reached out, even if just to get an external take on the situation.

But, I don't know. Doesn't that go right to what that tweet was saying? Isn't what I'm doing, in a way, incredibly neurotic and bourgeois and neurotically bourgeois? I tend to view it as practical problem-solving (it has been the work of my late 20's - 30's thus far to adopt a more object-level attitude about my daily life and the challenges which I face in it.) But it's hard not to feel like accounts of the college protest movement, and its importance, along those lines just hold up a mirror reflecting uncomfortably back on me how "bourgeois" I've let my daily concerns become. Like, coming out of college, you never think you're going to end up just another Working Stiff, with the concerns and the hang-ups that Working Stiffs have, until you blink and then one day you just are, and you just do.

(I certainly don't feel bourgeois when I compare myself to how materially or financially oriented some of my coworkers are and how they carry themselves, and what they choose to prioritize in their conversations and life choices, but that's another matter entirely.)

I know this isn't about me. I know there's Bigger Shit going on. Whatever. It still matters to me that here, at objectively the best job I've ever had, I don't let my old patterns rear their ugly head in times of stress and start pushing away my teammates, who, sincerely, I admire and value as people the more I get to know them. If it's bourgeois to care about making my working life suck a little less then I'm bourgeois.

So are the professors (the few but incredibly fucking brave professors) sticking their necks out for their students and joining them on the ground. Paid their dues, went through the system and everything. Doesn't matter. Didn't spare them from being handled like pond scum by the stormtroopers being sent to "address" the "situation." It's a Friday after our third week back in the physical office. I'm tired.

#personal #israel #palestine #<- hey 'israel' and 'palestine' are content warnings not actual labels of what's in this post #I'm mostly just venting #please don't read this post to become better informed about geopolitical events in the Middle East!#that's not what this is for!#thank you!

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