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seravphs · 1 year

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ੈ♡˳·˖✶ — GUARDIAN ANGEL! GOJO x FEM READER

Kneeling by your bed, rosary wrapped around your knuckles, lips pressed to the burnished rosewood, you pray.

God, please send me another guardian angel.

A blast of static from the TV behind you.

The one you sent me-

“Hey, how does the thing work?” Gojo says, accompanied by loud thumps. You cringe in silence.

He’s strange.

wc — 3.7k

tags — religion, Gojo has to reckon with the consequences of being the strongest, domesticity, attempted (failed) mugging/attack, Gojo kills a man for you (non graphic), Shoko’s a good friend, bs angel lore, I think of this like a prequel to reader’s villain arc lol, title from closer by nine inch nails

You wake up to a man standing over your bed. Understandably, you scramble backwards, hands over knees over legs over feet, all your limbs tangled together, until you bump into your headboard.

“Hi!” He says cheerily. “Wow, haven’t gotten that reaction in a while, not since- Anyways. I’m Gojo Satoru, your guardian angel. Please make breakfast, it’s 12 pm already and I’m starving. Your sleep habits are terrible.”

You shake, terrified. Nothing he said has gone through your brain.

“Um, hello? Deep breaths now. It’s really not that serious, can you stop that? Hellooooo,” he’s snapping his fingers in front of your face, trying to get through to you.

You panic and bat his hand away, but if you can touch him, that means he’s real. You’re not dreaming. There’s a strange man in your house calling himself your guardian angel. You try to pull yourself together enough to make a coherent sentence. What comes out is:

“Um. Guardian angel. What?”

“You don’t believe me,” he says.

You’ve heard it can be dangerous for people suffering from delusions to be forcefully brought out of their dreams. “No,” you say carefully. “I’m sure this is all a big understanding.”

“No, that’s okay,” he laughs. “I love getting to do this.”

Massive wings unfurl from his back. It’s a strange sight. The air seems to ripple around them, iridescent ebbs and flows of the universe to make space for the impossible. They seem to sprout right out of his shoulder blades.

It’s undeniable, irrefutable proof. Your brain can’t process this. It goes back to sleep.

You wake up to the smell of bacon burning in the kitchen.

Gojo hums as he cooks, his wings out. You’re almost worried they’ll get caught in the flames when suddenly you have something much more real to worry about.

“Ow!” He’s about to stick his finger into his mouth when you intervene, scolding him without even thinking about it.

“That’s dangerous! Don’t put your hands in your mouth, especially not if you’ve been cooking. Come here,” you tug him over to run his hands under the faucet.

“Who's the guardian angel again?” He teases, amused.

You answer him with another question. “Why are you cooking, anyways?”

“You’re starving me! It’s so late and you haven’t made breakfast yet - you know I could report you to the authorities for angel abuse, right?”

Somehow, you don’t believe him. There may very well be a division in heaven’s bureaucracy dedicated to looking after angels, but something about Gojo is just on the edge of unbelievable, like if you blink too hard, it might disappear without a trace. It’s the wings, probably.

You’re good at compartmentalizing, so you ignore all of the normal reactions someone would have to an angel randomly appearing in your apartment to instead make breakfast. Gojo already burned your favorite pan, so you stick it in the sink to soak while you rummage around for your second best set. Then you check the fridge. You’re out of butter and eggs. There are just two pieces of bacon left. Is it presumptuous to ask your angel to run errands with you?

You poke your head out of the fridge to look at Gojo, staring remorsefully at the burnt remains of his once-was-an-egg. He’s nursing the cut on his finger.

“Do you want to go grocery shopping?”

He smiles at you, slow and syrupy and-

He can’t do that. He’s beautiful as it is, as if God took extra time crafting him. Smiling only makes his beauty all the more painful, tugging at the strings of your heart. His snow white hair curls against the nape of his neck, a ruthlessly cute detail you notice when he tilts his head at you.

“I would love to. What’s grocery shopping?”

Introducing Gojo to the modern world is an exercise in both patience and childish wonder. There’s so much he doesn’t know. He tells you the last time he’s been on Earth was somewhere back in the 90’s.

“Like 1990? That’s pretty recent,” you remark.

“Like 90 CE.”

He’s delighted by everything, even the simplest of snacks, and begs you to add them to your cart. Ramune impresses him to no end. He’s enthralled by the taste of ice cream after the nice worker gives him a sample. You might really be reported to the Bureau of Angel Abuse at this point - all he’s interested in is junk food. It takes a while to finally wrangle him away from everything. In a way, it’s your fault because you hesitate to refuse an angel anything, and Gojo wants it all. You only manage to get him to agree to go home once you’ve tired him out.

There was a sense of reverence, at first.

There’s an angel living in your home. It’s hard to imagine getting used to that. Walking into the bathroom to the sight of Gojo brushing his teeth shirtless, his wings out, is a sight that will never get old. He manages to transform even the mundane into the divine. The sunlight strikes his hair at just the right angle to glow, giving him a faux-halo.

“Good morning,” he smiles. “I think I used up all your toothpaste.”

By day seven, you’ve wised up to Gojo’s tactics. If you don’t say no to anything, he’ll steamroll right over you, so you have to grow a backbone.

“Oh, Christ? Yeah, we’re old pals. We go wayyyyy back.”

“Please be quiet while I’m trying to pray.”

“We’re in the same therapy group, actually. He texts me all the time for advice-“

“Gojo. Shut. Up.”

He’s silent for all of a minute before he pipes up again. “I don’t think capital G up there would appreciate that.”

You have never missed a day of prayer in your life. No temptation has been able to sway you from your duties. Hunger, thirst, and pain all were swept away in the face of your faith. Were you seriously about to start now, being annoyed to death by a particularly useless angel?

The best solution to Gojo is always to ignore him. He needs attention like flowers need water.

Without it, he stalks off to sulk.

It’s night by the time he returns. He’s flying, which you usually don’t allow him to do, but you’ve driven out to a more remote, private church to pray. It’s owned by an old family friend, who handed you the keys without question. Half of this is for you, to experience god in the sanctity of nature, and half is for Gojo. You hate seeing him cooped up. Part of you feels like you’ve chained him down. You’re a trap in the form of a human, made to keep him grounded.

He touches down next to you, hair slicked to his forehead in sweat. When he stretches his arms, his wings move simultaneously. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him look more alive. He loves nothing like he loves flying, and you’re inclined to agree.

Maybe you’ll let him take you for another ride tonight. You love the feeling of the wind against your face, the sight of the landscape beneath you when he takes you up, the feeling in your stomach when he tucks his wings in and free-falls for fun. You’re not scared. Gojo would never let anything happen to you.

You might ask, later. Now, you send him off to the car ahead of you while you lock up. He’s cheerful as he heads off, whistling merrily. You’re glad flying has improved his mood. It’s equally painful for you whenever he’s upset with you. Perhaps it's simply a side effect of being a guardian angel .

The key is in the door when you feel the first hint of danger.

“All the money in your pockets, ma’am.”

Polite, for a thief.

“You’re not from around these parts.” He says as you spin around. “Should’ve known better than to go wandering around these woods alone. Whatever happens next is on you, sweetheart. If only you’d been a little more careful.”

He has a knife.

“What do you want? Money? You can have it.” It doesn’t matter much to you. As long as he leaves before Gojo comes back.

“Sometimes, ma’am, men don’t want anything but a thrill.”

Then he lunges at you, presses you against the wall, and pins you with a knife to your throat.

“Don’t scream now. No one would hear you anyways.”

He’s wrong about that part.

You hear him coming up the path before you see him.

“What’s taking you so long?” Gojo whines. “I wanna go home and watch Love Island already-oh.”

“Run!” Gojo might be an angel, but you’ve seen him cut himself making toast. He can bleed like any other man, gold ichor, yes, but blood still. You don’t want to see him hurt.

Instead, he sizes up your assailant, unfurls those beautiful wings - they always take your breath away - and in one swift move, simply tears you from his grasp. It’s faster than you can blink.

The man makes a muffled sound of fear and shock as Gojo seems to blink back into existence. You know he’s only moving too fast for your brains to comprehend.

“Stay here,” he deposits you on the grass behind him. It’s scorched, burned black from the temperature of his wings.

He turns up the heat. You didn’t think it was possible, but he was clearly holding back. The air seems to melt around him, heat waves shimmering off his skin, his white feathers. They glow with an otherworldly light, radiating heat.

You didn’t know true glory until this moment, and it frightens you. All other versions of blue fade in favor of Gojo’s eyes - a single, unyielding truth. He is a piece of heaven on earth, burning up. His anger is righteous. Holy. His true nature melts away his human appearance.

He’s a seraph, one of the highest order of angels.

You’ve never seen him fight before, don’t know how he gets his weapons or where he puts them. It just appears out of thin air. He carries a flaming sword in one hand, its pommel is white marble, its blade glass. Contrary to common belief, his voice doesn’t boom. In fact it’s all the more threatening because it is soft, a whisper so clearly heard it defies the laws of the world just because it can.

He raises the sword like an executioner and judge all in one.

You barely have time to close your eyes in horror when you realize what he’s about to do.

Real angels are not like the watered down, commercialized ones you can find today in any young adult TV show. Real angels are bloody. Real angels are the hand of God, ruthless and violent.

Real angels have no mercy.

You open your eyes again when you feel the now familiar heat on your skin.

He’s standing before you, beaming. It’s clear he expects praise. In heaven, it might’ve been given to him.

You can only stare at him in fear, not awe.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He steps closer, his burning wings flapping. “It’s okay. I got rid of him. You’re safe now.”

You’re ashamed a split second after it happens because it’s so pathetic, but you can’t help it. Your animal instincts react instinctively to the threat, sending you skittering back on your palms and ass away from him.

He freezes. His wings remain moving. Perhaps, like a shark and its gills, he simply can’t stop.

“You’re afraid of me,” he says, stunned. “Why are you afraid of me?”

The heat from his wings is baking your face. You’re afraid if you speak, your skin will crack. Still, Gojo shows no signs of leaving you alone. If anything, he’s about to get closer.

“Stop,” you squeak. You throw out your hands in front of you like the world’s most useless shield. Your eyes are watering from looking into his radiance.

Helpless, Gojo does something he hasn’t done since he was just a newborn angel.

He asks for help.

Shoko Ieri looks nothing like him, so that answers one question you’ve always had. Gojo tells you she’s another angel, although you don’t see her wings past the first minute you’ve met. After Gojo summons her to the scene and she catches the way you look at him, she keeps them carefully folded in.

She helps you into the passenger seat when you can’t make your legs move to walk back to your car. You won’t let Gojo touch you, feeling torn at the look on his face when you flinch back from him.

He’s sitting on a stool at the island while Shoko checks you over for injuries in the kitchen. There’s no major damage, just the after effects of shock and adrenaline working through your system.

“You know I’d never hurt you, right?” He says, hurt and confused.

“You fucking idiot. You colossal blockhead. You-“ Shoko pauses, not because she’s run out of things to say, but because she has too many. “It’s not about you, right now, okay? I know it’s hard for you to get your head out of your ass, but can you at least try to be supportive?”

Gojo makes a noise like he wants to protest, but you shift your weight and that draws his attention back to you. The look on your face makes him fall silent.

Shoko leaves after she’s completed her examination, though she doesn’t leave you helpless.

“Do you want to come with me?” She says, carefully. “I understand if you don’t want to be left alone with him right now.”

You shake your head.

“Listen, I know Gojo scared you. I’m sorry. He shouldn’t have. He’s always been too reckless - ugh. The stories I could tell you. But I promise you, he will never hurt you - not just because he cares about you, but because he’s literally not allowed to. He’s your guardian angel.”

“I know,” you say, and that’s the end of that.

There’s an uncomfortable silence after Shoko leaves. You’re not sure how to navigate the once easy relationship between you and Gojo now. Always unable to keep still, he breaks the silence first.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” He says softly. Everything about him is dulled, even the gleam of his brilliant hair. He’s back within his human skin, even more modestly than before, as if he has taken care to seal up every crack that his true nature could spill out of.

You choose your first question carefully. “Why has the lord sent a seraph to watch over me?”

Seraphs are the highest level of the hierarchy of angels. They maintain the order of the world, fulfilling God’s will. For one to have come to you-

True horror is sinking in. You love your saints. You worship them devoutly, knowing each story by heart. You could trace a path through the church library of all the books you’ve read on them, giving the history of each spine.

You do not want to be one of your saints.

Joan of Arc died at 19. Saint Agatha was canonized for being tortured violently.

By sending you such a strong protector, your lord may be condemning you to die young, but that’s not why you cry. You cry because you are too weak to fulfill his command.

Life is sweet. You don’t want to give up the taste of tart oranges on your tongue, the feeling of the babbling creek over your feet, the songs of the birds in the morning. You don’t want to give up Gojo’s wake up calls, or the feeling of flying.

All these selfish, worldly pleasures should mean nothing to you when faced with the lord’s call, and yet-

You resent it still.

You’re so confused by it all. Why were you given such a burden and told nothing about it? What does any of it mean?

“I don’t know. I’m sorry. We don’t get told anything but who we were assigned to.”

“Okay,” you say.

“That’s it? Okay? I scare the shit out of you, and all you have to say is okay?”

“Gojo, I don’t want to fight anymore. Let me just go to bed, please.”

You’re woken up not by the light of Gojo’s halo, as you’ve gotten used to when he comes to your room demanding breakfast, but by the sun. The curtains are open, and sunbeams stream in over your pillow.

Gojo is in the kitchen making - not burning - breakfast. He doesn’t turn when you pad into the kitchen on slippered feet, but you know he knows you’re there. You’re feeling much better. Sleep has refreshed you from the major shock to your system last night, and now you feel almost half bad for your reaction to him. He only wanted to help you, after all.

It’s not his fault he’s strong. At the end of the day, he’s just another gear in the universe, like you. Neither of you are important enough to be privy to the greater, divine plan, not even a seraph. You shouldn’t have snapped at him. You’re in this together.

You stand on tiptoe behind him to peer over his shoulder into the pan.

“I’m making you breakfast,” he says. Is it just you, or does he seem almost shy?

What an impact you’ve had on him. Your heart breaks. You’ve only known him to be bold and uncaring of human customs like politeness. You didn’t think it would upset you to see him learn manners, and yet-

It’s a consequence of your rejection last night, as if he’s worried you’ll pull away again. This isn’t what you wanted, ever.

“We should talk,” you say.

“Yeah. We should.” He still won’t turn around, avoiding eye contact.

Before you can speak, he blurts out, “ Do you not want me to be your angel anymore?”

“Of course not,” you say, reaching out for him. He’s hesitant to let you pull him closer, take his hands in yours. “Gojo, why would you think that?”

“You’re scared of me,” he says, almost petulantly, like a sulking child. “You don’t like me anymore.”

“Gojo,” you can think of nothing to say but his name. Sweet Gojo. Selfish Gojo. Gojo, who you’ve gotten used to having around. Gojo, who has infiltrated your life and now thinks to leave like you can kick him out like that. Like you would. Gojo, who you’re fond of in a way you can’t articulate, despite the way he takes and takes from you. Gojo, who you’re willing to keep, despite everything.

Gojo, who you care about, enough to want him to stay.

Gojo, who cares about you, enough to want to leave.

He takes this like a rebuff and wrenches his hands out of yours.

You grab his face and forcefully drag his attention back to you. His eyes are wild like a trapped animal, but there’s no sign of fire. He’s carefully dampened any kind of godliness in him.

“Oh, Gojo. Please don’t. I want you with me, I promise. I would never ask you to leave.”

“You don’t have to,” he says grimly. A soldier to the end. He knows how to do the hard things. Sometimes, you have to cut the rot out before the wound festers.

“I am scared of you - please don’t make that face. You’re breaking my heart.”

“Your heart? What about mine?” He bristles.

“I trust you. Let me prove it. Take your wings out again. Show me your true self.”

“After seeing how you reacted?” He scoffs, turning defensive. You’ve exhausted his goodness, and now his emotions are getting the better of him, making the situation ugly. But you knew this would happen.

You know him.

And you know how to deal with him.

“Come on,” you say. “Think of it like exposure therapy.”

“I don’t want to see you look at me like that again,” he admits.

“I know you won’t hurt me,” you say. “Please. Do you trust me?”

He ends up on the ground cross legged, his wings spread, back to you. His wings are fiery, but carefully controlled. He won’t burn you.

You start small, running your hands all over his wings. They rustle underneath your touch like startled animals. When you tug gently at the ends, extending them to their full length, you realize how monstrous his wingspan truly is. From tip to tip, they’re larger than a grown man is tall. Your fingers creep along the thin ridge of his radius, deceptively thin beneath your fingers. If you didn’t know better, it would snap easily with just the barest hint of pressure.

He makes a small noise. You jerk back, worried you’ve actually bent the bone, but he’s fine. He pushes his wings back under your hands like a puppy seeking attention.

From the radius, you trail along the top edge to his metacarpus, then down to his feathers, all the way back to his scapula. From there, it’s only a few inches over to his actual shoulder blades. He shudders when you touch him there, your fingertips lightly grazing over the bone. You press down gently. His muscles flex under your skin, tense and wound up.

You realize that he's been suspiciously quiet for a while. He’s too still, as if he’s purposely holding himself in place. Have you hurt him without knowing? Would he tell you if you had?

“Gojo?” You pull your hands away from his wings and he shudders as if he’s been burned. “Look at me.”

He won’t turn, so you grab him by the chin and force his head up so you can look him in the face. Even down on the floor like this, he’s tall. His face is pink, his eyes wide like he’s been stunned. He looks almost like he’s in pain.

“What’s wrong? Why didn’t you say anything? Does it hurt?” You fret over him.

“Doesn’t,” he says hoarsely. “Feels too good.”

You freeze. It’s this sight of an angel in all his celestial grace wrecked by your touch, brought down by just the brush of your fingers, that makes you realize it.

It feels good to have an angel at your feet.

#sera writes #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #jjk x reader

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im-getting-help · 2 months

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The way people reacted to Saltburn reminded me of a tiktok trend or "challenge" in which you had to watch the opening scene of Nocturnal Animals (2016).

(I'm not going to spoil the movie, go watch it is beautiful.)

It reminded me because the movie is so interesting and enthralling but it was played for jokes. No one was watching the movie, they felt "disgusted and uncomfortable" even though they didn't even tried to watch it.

The commentary of Saltburn was so similar, it really upset me. It was like people were saying "yeah, we watched it this time, it's still too gross".

Nocturnal Animals explores the tense relationship between the protagonists in a very gruesome and violent way. Those choices are not made for shock value, they tell a story. The same way Saltburn showed desire and obsession and in my opinion the perfect representation of unchecked limerence with the bathtub and cemetery scenes.

I have no doubt that in a few years they will be a new tiktok (or new platform) challenge that dares you to record your reaction of the cemetary scene with no context. And it makes me so sad.

It makes me sad not only because of the unappreciation of such amazing movies, but because I feel we are teaching teenagers to not have media literacy. I honestly feel like we're allowing people to just watch movies like they're cocomelon. And I think is dangerous for cinema.

Martin Scorcese shared in a few interviews how he feel that the popular movies are not really cinema, that they fail to convey real emotion and they don't take risks. I think he's right, he makes a direct reference to the MCU but to me he's describing at least 70% of the movies that comes out in a year.

Everything is simple, easy to understand, overly explained. A cast full of well known actors and a beautiful score, or a passable one, and you have a movie. You don't need a new story to tell, not really, you can just reuse an old one. Make a retelling, a remake, a live-action adaptation, a secuel or a prequel with lots of CGI. You got a movie, congrats.

To me the new movies are always disappointing, they're a way to kill time but never a moment to appreciate art.

And this is why the criticism of Saltburn frustrates and saddens me so much. Cause is not a perfect movie (well, to me it is), but is so SO much more than what we're served on a daily basis. It's rich and complex and beautiful to watch. The score is fun and playful and at times heartbreaking and breathtaking. The actors are just incredibly talented and well directed. The clothing and makeup is just a wonder to watch, going from the cringe of 2006 teenage fashion to the opulent gowns and suits. So much of this movie is a pleasure to observe, to discover.

It breaks my heart to think that the future of cinema is... white noise, filler, the equivalent to eating a sandwich instead of cooking a meal cause you're too tired to do more. So much so that when you're presented with a home cooked meal you're unable to enjoy the taste, too accustomed to simplicity.

#saltburn #emerald fennell #martin scorsese #cinema #movies

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yoimiyasthings · 5 months

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More Hc's, but this time Its different.

(not kavehtham)

- Ayamiya, Cynari, Kokoittoyu, Kazumona

Ayaka x Yoimiya

Ayaka very much had a comphet stage, but Yoimiya helped validate her feelings and help her though it, this made her slowly realise she was in love with her

Ayaka is good at making fireworks and is practicing her sign language skills so she can communicate with her and her dad

Ayato is very accepting of their relationship, and very braggy, if he gets the chance he'll talk highly of their relationship, Ayaka has always struggled with making friends and she's grown so much and has now started dating.

Yoimiya learns Ayaka's favourite desserts and makes them for her firework shows and festivals

Itto and the Arataki gang probably helped yoimiya confess, if the plan failed, they had a flash mob ready

Cyno x Tighnari

Oh boy would you look at that, anyway Tighnari tummy is real and you know it, he's not chubby but he has a few rolls, and in Cyno's eyes, he couldn't love it more.

Trans Masc Cyno real, Tighnari helps him with T-shots and sorts, Cyno dosent get bottom surgery but he does get top surgery, he just gets his tubes tied.

Collei is so their daughter coded, every now and again she'll go to the kitchen for a late night snack and will find them dancing around kitchen in the refrigerator light... Iykyk. But she just watches before she goes to bed, she probably whisper "cringe" aswell.

Ganyu x Kokomi x Itto

Kokomi bags baddies with red horns, part one and two.

Kokomi and Itto met at the TCG event and hit it off fast, she didn't quite get why gorou was a bit skeptical at first though

And dhe meets Ganyu when the ladies of the jade chamber visit Inazuma for a trade offer.

Itto and Kokomi are talking when Itto spots Ganyu and her red horns. That's how they met, argue with a wall.

Anyway, spooning is a must at bedtime, Itto big spoon for the win, and Kokomi is in the middle, her husband and wife have big tiddies, both are DD and she's only a B, she's in heaven.

We love Ganyu walking in on them making out but staying to watch because who wouldn't with kokomi and itto?

Mona x Kazuha

Loser husband and pretty wife

Kazuha gets absolutely baked and then mona starts info dumping about astrology and the current retrogrades for her column and kazuha couldn't understand shite but just looked at her all dopey with a wide grin, definitely had a make out sesh later on.

Mona ends up moving on board the crux, beidou feels like a proud mother to Kazuha for finding a beautiful and smart girlfriend, she prefers Mona over him sometimes.

She definitely eats more around Kazuha, he either pays or cooks for her. She of course tries to turn the offer down but secretly never minds, aka. Asking if she's hungry and she says no, but he still gets her usual order because he can tell.

Please send requests for ships in the comments 🙏🙏🙏I'll provide and serve yoimiya nation!!!!!

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gale-gentlepenguin · 1 year

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Gale Reviews: ML Season 5 episode 17 Adoration

(Spoilers as this episode is out before other ones)

-Andre bonding with the child Audrey the supposed love of his life had with another man.

-I pity that man, changed everything about himself for love… it’s actually kind of sad. Because it’s clear he fell for the wrong person.

-Zoe got someone she is in love with. I’d say it’s Marinette, because she has LITERALLY no other people she has seen interacting with. But I doubt it will appear since this is an international show. So my bet is they will imply it without saying it, plus, Zoe doesn’t show the photo she was gonna bury.

-oh so Zoe is in 8th grade while Marinette is in 9th grade. So at least that conforms Audrey cheated on Andre AFTER having Chloe, Damn

-so those two are the reps. Also. Marc is a year younger than them. Interesting

-oh the zoenette is strong in this one

-The storage of all the gifts she made for Adrien, which needs cleaning out. Guess Marinette chilled out about things. Good on her.

-huh… this is the first time we actually get a full on tour of her room. (We see it a lot, but never knew how she divided her stuff up. Neat.

-Oh the hidden adrien simp board is new. Love the touch. (I love the little sticky drawings)

-That probably hurt Zoe more than she would let on.

-not gonna lie I know Andre isn’t his real name, but I get why he changed it. It’s a mouthful.

-the butlers name is Armand!?

-Zoe knows everyone in the hotel. Good. Glad that girl is respectful to the people that help run the place. (Zoe + 3 respect)

-And Chloe and Sabrina are there… what a shock (not really)

- Yea the show really just removed any and all character development they had for Chloe and squeezed it into Zoe. Points for Zoe standing up to Chloe.

-At least Audrey is still in character.

-Andre really be like (I prefer the daughter that was born from another man banging my wife than my own) points to the Simp mayor

-I take it back Anax as a nickname sounds kind of dope

-You ever just see a character on screen and hope a piano falls on him? Yes I’m talking about Gabriel that sterilized tampon

-now Nathalie here being the GOAT with only one line. Respect for Nathalie. Girl really gave up on her simp tendencies and decided to just be the mother Adrien needs

-Gabriel really be the worst. Looks like Lila gonna cook up something

-seems Zoe forgot about the photo is out. Which I bet will cause a misunderstanding with her hiding it.

-What exactly does Sabrina have morals in? Also side note, PUNCHING BAG?! Really?

-Yea, Chloe just be mustache twirling evil

-Vanisher is back and with Dog powers

-Lila literally plotted an akumatization.

-if I had a dollar for everytime Someone couldn’t tell Marinette they were in love with her. I’d have 2 nickles. Which isn’t a lot but weird it happened twice

-Marinette is pretty clever figuring out all the details… EXCEPT THE FACT THAT ITS HER!?

-Marinette shows she supports Love is Love.

-Op she thought it was a he, to bad Marinette you failed the game. Rip.

-wait did Marinette just condone polyamory? I might have read that wrong

-Marinette consulting Alya on the matter

-oh so that’s how Marinette gets the assumption it’s Adrien. To be fair, I’d have come to that conclusion at some point to.

-oh I can feel the awkward situation coming in 3…2….1….

-Zoe, thinking (wow I reall fell for a simp)

-ah yes the cringe is finally here, now to spend the next Hour trying to watch the episode.

-OOOO A MONTAGE, so how many items can be retrieved via one whistle blow

- They really replaced Luka with Nino. Wait… DOES THAT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS! Was the truth finally revealed?!

-I get the plan now, they are framing her for stealing stuff. So basically what Lila did in the episode Ladybug. That’s not surprising but also kind of mid. I was expecting more pizzaz. Side note, Zoe was with her the whole time? Also why would she steal from her parents?

-The Chloe accusing her part was clever, because the motive of Chloe walking in to yell at Marinette is very believable

- okay I take it back, this plan has Pizzaz. But the fact everyone sort of just believes it even her own parents? Like come on? And with an akuma litterally anything is possible.

-And Marinette caught on, sees vanisher thanks to the flowers.

-Chloé legit has a Gold phone?!

-Zoe is taking the blame! Zoe no!?

-Oh! Vanisher can just call back whatever she wants. Proof is in the pudding. Good thing Marinette is ladybug. Piñata time!!! Viva piñata

-yum ladynoir crumbs

- Rip Luka’s guitar

-Chloe now getting stared down

-So confession time!

-Well she never outright say it… but She pretty much says it and Marinette confirms it though turns her down. I’m surprised they did that much

-I was complaining earlier about subtlety but this was tastefully done.

-I FUCKING KNEW SHE WAS DOWN BAD SINCE DAY ONE!

-Good on Zoe for encouraging Marinette. Even though she got turned down. But at least it was canon

-Oh damn Marinette is gonna confess

-SHE DID IT FOLKS! She fucking did it! And Adrien is receptive! Will we get a kiss!?

-GABRIEL YOU COCKBLOCKING FUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE! I WILL END YOU!

-My heart breaks for Marinette

_________________________________________

7/10

It was a fine episode, I think a lot of it felt padded out, and while I enjoyed the first few minutes and the LAST few minutes were epic. The rest of the episode felt… meh.

Yea Adrien is a sentimonster. There is no denying it. Like I’m sorry for the hood outs. This episodes ending confirmed it completely. Which may be the reason I’m not gonna rate it higher.

#miraculous ladybug #ml #ml spoilers #adoration #ml adoration #ml adoration spoilers

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yo-itz-sweetie · 1 year

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CupChal headcanons by moi!! [because yea]

These are so cringe

• Believe it or not, Chalice actually fell for lil cuppy first!! While cup was showing off how much of a “rebel” he is by stealing cookies from his caretaker, chalice found him as a bit of a comedian. He makes chalice laugh then and now and never fails to make her smile!!

• Cupsy was a HUGE Fan of cowboys ever since his childhood!! So once chalice found out, She made him a cowboy hat specifically for one of his Halloween costumes. He doesn’t wear it as much as his dad’s hat, but he keeps it on display with all of his other western novelties.

• Chalice is a good storyteller when it comes to urban legends of ghosts. Cuphead loves hearing them SO MUCH!! So they made a little event whenever it rains, chalice visits cuppy at the cottage and they build a blanketfort in cups and mugs room, where chalice tells her spooky stories.

• Chalice is very skilled in baking pastries, but not cooking main courses and appetizers.. so cuphead comes over to the bakery to help get used to some supplies and teach her new recipes in the process. Her favorite one from him is the ‘Piggies in blankets’.

• Cuphead is SUPER Ticklish!! So whenever chalice gets the opportunity, she turns into her invisible ghost form and tickles cuppy from behind his back!! It drives Mugsy up the wall..

• Cuphead is a little insecure about his southern accent, but chalice thinks it’s kinda cute. One of her favorite things about it is the way he pronounces “Hogwash” as “Hagwarsh” [YUS he has an accent cuz it came from his parents!!]

• On starry nights, chalice takes cuphead flying through the sky thanks to her ghost form. She carries cups as she flies across the sky sometimes they kiss near the moonlight before going back to the ground.

That was absolutely ridiculous and I’m sorry-

Part 2 coming REAL soon!! :D

#cupchal

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gkt-tummyaches · 7 months

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cooking hc

drawing is hard + isn't working with me today, so now i'm going to rank the ppg, rrb, and ppnkg's ability to cook + what their favorite meal is. 1 being best, 10 being the worst.

buttercup !! [10/10] 👑 spent a lot of time in her tween years learning to cook from the professor. they don't really have a lot in common; it was a way for her to spend time with him, while also being productive/learning something useful alongside it. she's not michelin star level, but rarely anything goes wrong with her in the kitchen. she's learned mostly from cookbooks, so a lot of the recipes she knows are traditional/generic american family dinners, but buttercup's super open to experimenting too. not really a foodie, but indulges whenever somebody asks for something a little off the cuff.

favorite meal is just diner-style burgers and fries.

butch :) [8.5/10] ⭐ learned kind of out of necessity. can be pretty tiring for him to cook for his brothers a lot of the time, but it also brings a sense of relief - knowing that there's food in the cupboards to cook with gives him reassurance due to the boy's history with food insecurity growing up. kind of enjoys cooking. all the meals he makes are mostly learned by ear or just really cheap hacks - butch just has a natural afinity for cooking that makes mostly everything turn out good. he's very partial to cooking homey, hearty meals. experiments all the time. he and boomer make some of their best creations (and,, abominations, sometimes) in the middle of the night. butch also packs brick lunch to take to school/college. would probably die inside if you asked him to cook something with ingredients costing more than $20 total.

favorite meal is ropa vieja or gazpacho, both with rice.

bubbles ? [7/10] 👍 technically bakes, not cooks, but she's still decent ! she bakes in troves, usually for charity events or as part of a gift for somebody's birthday. it's a messy ordeal that needs at least two other people to help clean up. so far no fires ! she's only burnt or failed a few recipes she was learning, but bubbles bounces back pretty fast with her next attempt. baking is a surprisingly strict discipline in comparison to cooking; it's not something she'd thought she'd enjoy very much at first because of this, and also because everything she bakes is mostly sweet - it's a refreshing hobby. she enjoys baking tart treats the most, anything bittersweet or sour. they also tend to be more fun; tart and pie crusts are prime real estate for pastry decoration.

favorite meal is vegetarian chili, favorite dessert is avacado mousse.

blossom [5/10] she can make box recpies ! most of it tastes fine. she lacks the finesse and pizzaz for anything more exciting, but it gets the job done. something about the sandwiches she makes are somehow unbeatable, but everything else is,, fine. she burns most pan-fried foods. the utonium household has been through 5 very expensive, non-stick pans. they were all her fault.

favorite meal is lobster ravioli,,, when she's not the one making it.

boomer [5/10] he can put things in the microwave and make grilled cheese. so far nothing has broken under his supervision, but on multiple occassion boomer has needed to be corrected on how to use utensils more complicated than a spatula. most of the things he uses come out unscathed, so that's a plus. his downfall is usually not checking the expiration date on ingredients and, therefore, using expired ingredients. mostly milk. it's kind of cringe.

favorite meal is cheesy ramen noodles. with way too much garlic.

brick [4/10] anything that doesn't require being cooked. that's it. don't let him near the stove, the oven, the toaster, the microwave - no, not even hot water. brick's speciality is in,,, dressings. maybe just mixing things. salad ? there's. something. he has to be good at something, probably. they just haven't figured out what yet !

favorite meal is pho, if butch is the one making it. to be honest, just anything butch makes him. but pho in particular.

the punks CANNOT cook. that's it.

both their kitchens are collecting dust.

brute doesn't even open the door to her kitchen in her apartment; she has the money to eat out whenever she wants, or at least have it delivered. bad things would happen if she tried her hand at cooking.

brat and berserk have a semi-functional kitchenette and it's mostly just used for the sink and the fridge.

the fridge is full of leftovers; brat is constantly ordering takeout, or bringing home food from whichever neighbor pitied them enough to cook extras. it is solely through handouts and whatever sweets berserk steals from the shop that they are still alive.

#ppg #ppnkg #rrb #hcs #headcanons

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kaisersheart · 17 days

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REMINDER — renzo the destroyer.

being able to call yourself a friend of the infamous doomfluencer isn’t something everyone can achieve, but for you it’s so easy. so easy that many times you leave renzo in deep thoughts, wondering about what you have that’s so special to have his attention to you.

cw: renzo being an ass, teasing, female reader, renzo might be a little ooc.

author note: oof, i spent too much time in this, i don’t even like it

“are you out of your mind?” you cringed at the sound of your obnoxiously loud voice, you weren’t one to raise your voice let alone in public, but his damn influence was starting to get into you. after all, he was an influencer, but that wasn’t really how you’d expect one to be.

a pair of blueish glowing eyes moved to look at you with an annoyed look, rolling from left to right before falling on the black chopsticks between his fingers. thunder was trying his best to not burst out in laughing at your face, the poor lizard couldn’t hold it anymore, but you kept ordering tons of sushi and he couldn’t even get one minute out of the counter.

“don’t laugh, thun.” you glared at him before sighing in exasperation. “he invited me and said he would pay for the dinner.” you said, your voice melting with an ironic and surprised tone, earning another stare from the doomfluencer beside you. “it has to be someone who stole renzo’s head and wore it, i’m not believing i’m eating with the real one.”

thunder inhaled sharply in hope to calm down the laughs that were threatening to come out from his mouth, he wanted to say something but he just couldn’t, he knew he would’ve just laughed his ass out.

on the other hand, renzo was smirking hard, he knew what he was doing, and your reaction to it was priceless. he loved teasing you, especially making you mad; he lived for making people suffer how he wanted to, but with you was a little different. he developed a sort of affection towards you, ‘nothing much’ he’d say, but in reality he was whipped for you…he was just good at hiding it.

“once we get out of here,” you started, again, glaring at the metal skull–head, with his eyes still fixed on you. “i’m wiping that smirk away.” renzo scoffed, but even that way, his teasing expression only seemed to carve more in his features.

“you could try.” he leaned closer, his cold hand reaching to grab your face from below your chin. thunder finally left his counter, releasing his laughters inside the back room of his restaurant, although, failed miserably to let them go unheard. “but i doubt you’d do anything.” he was so close, the sparkle of his flaming mohawk was blinding your sight, but going more deeper, he was blinding your heart to the point of forgetting the thought of talking back to him.

“i—…” you found yourself unable to say anything at all, your mind lost in the sight of his deep eyes, to his sharp teeth. and you wondered. why did you fall so hard for someone like him? not only he was snarky and pissed you off, he wasn’t even human.

he tilted his head and you swore to yourself that the sharp tips of his teeth scratched against your chin, it was intoxicating, much like his presence. “not so talkative now, are we?” an ominous smile was carved in his skull, giving you the impression he was about to do something more, but to your surprise…

“thunder, get back here, damned lizard.” the doomfluencer yelled, letting go of your jaw and leaning over the counter. “keep cooking, we’ve barely started.”

#🪐. 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 #fortnite x reader #fortnite #fortnite writings #fortnite oneshot #renzo the destroyer #fortnite renzo #fortnite renzo the destroyer #renzo the destroyer x reader

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idv-sunsxin3 · 2 years

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Random TWST Characters playing Genshin Impact Brainrot

Note// I only included some characters that I had brainrots about,,, sorry hhh;;;

{Scenarios/Headcanons}

___

Riddle finds Yanfei impressive that she's known as the character who acknowledges every legal rule by memory so far in the game-(but low-key feels uncomfortable by how the design makes her show some skin in term of critique-).

I think Riddle would internally cringe the entire Mondstadt chapter by how there are a lot of drunk people, and even an irresponsible drunkard bard of an Anemo Archon-/not slander intended but you know the gist-

Riddle going super confused when it comes to rushy, timed event games- such as the event where you work as a bartender at Angel’s share temporarily,,,, He also low-key wishing that those tea recipes do exist irl,,,, 😔

Cater probably wanting to be part of the Barbara fan club as he low-key finds her photogenic and adorable,,,-

Cater most likely speed running to get the entire teyvat map for background photo shoot of the landscapes djsjsjsjs-

Cater urging his dorm mates to do the gacha ritual thingy(where you put the cell phones next to one another and make a 10 pull in a row at the same time as a way to get higher chances to get a 5 star-)

Ace would definitely be a pyro main and troll other party members by making them burn through the grass while they're afk-

Deuce would be pretty much a hydro main(mostly to extinguish any fire Ace maliciously made-).

___

Ruggie's favorite character would probably be Xiangling, like, she freaking cooks delicious stuff,,,(Jamil would like her too-)

Ruggie is definitely in love with certain dishes that are in the game, wishing he could eat them in real life-

Yuu probably offering to look up for the recipes in YouTube and making them with Ruggie would make him so happy-

Jack frowning when reading through Razor's lore,,, 😔

___

Azul pretty much liking Liyue by how there are a lot of business and ship coming and leaving from sea ports continuously- Also liking the beautiful atmosphere it brings along with the music,,,

Azul low-key wishing he can interact the mora that is inside the chests he finds when opening them-

Azul and Jade probably trying to think of theories and search for more lore about Fontaine- (if they were part of the game, I feel like Octavinelle would be from Fontaine judging by how Fontaine NPCs dress and the archon there is the founder of the element Hydro-)

Jade dies in happiness while doing the mushroom spirit quest in Liyue's Chasm map- So many bright mushrooms,,,

I can see Jade using Xingqiu regularly-

Is this me or Jade would be interested in learning more about Fischl and Oz...-

Floyd probably have the urge to squeeze Yae Miko because of how 'annoying she was' when he first met her in the game dnednsnsnnne-

Floyd at Childe vc// Hey~ he looks fun to fight with,,, I really wish to squeeze him!!! :DD

Why do I think Floyd maining Klee would be the cutest but also creepiest idea I ever thought-

Floyd either likes to main claymore users bc of the way they spin- or he likes fast dips characters like Childe, Xiao, etc-

___

Rook probably committing bird abuse first before even doing quests- he probably nailed the achievement of shooting a flying bird in one try...

MOST LIKELY ROOK MAINING FISCHL-

I think Epel would favor Xinyan by her spicy character- like, look at her go and still being what she wants to be, she didn't care about what others thought of how people view her as a girl. That fact would make Epel see her as a role model,,,,

___

Idia probably simping for girlbosses like Beidou-

Idia is pretty much f2p because of the many other gacha games he’s playing or he whales like crazy because come on- those waifus and husbandos,,,, qwq

I can see Idia maining Chongyun-

Ortho sometimes watching his big bro play and going nuts over a failed 50/50 gacha- Might also play with him when helping him get ascension materials or fight bosses-

___

Malleus and Lilia remind me of Zhongli and Venti- probably some hints of Zhongli and HuTao dynamic-

Malleus wonderlessly going to different areas of the map, probably getting lost while hanging out with mutuals-(Usually would play with Yuu,,,)

Malleus pretty much sad or interested that he has to fight dragons like MORE THAN TWICE-

Like Ace, Lilia would burn grass just to troll mutuals-

Sebek going loud through vc, even louder whenever he dies from fall damage or some stupid cause of death,,,, 😔

Silver probably accidentally killing his character once for sleeping while a monster was taking damage on his avatar-

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst headcanons #twst hcs #twisted wonderland hcs #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst scenarios #twst writing #twst #Heartslabyul #savanaclaw #octavinelle #scarabia #pomefiore #ignihyde #diasomnia

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stardustedknuckles · 11 months

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I was never very good at botw and a huge weenie (didn't start killing guardians or lynels until playthrough 3, about 300 hours in) so it's very funny to me to see all the posts that are like "I was a king in botw and now I'm getting one shot killed by bokoblins" like lmao I was getting one shot killed by bokoblins from the start and for like a really long time while I tried to play my explorer/cooking sim so actually the opposite has happened to me. I came into totk knowing how to get my ass beat and then I just.... Didn't. Like I haven't died very often and almost every single time I have has been self inflicted - fall damage, bomb too close, etc. I don't think I'm necessarily GOOD at the game (see aforementioned ways of dying) but my cringe fail experience as a botw player has weirdly made me immune to the mass totk reset. I killed my first lynel two weeks in instead of 3 years in. It wasn't even really a close fight - I just had to swallow my pride about shields and use one (or two). Incredible the difference. I've killed the hands and what comes after twice.

(it helps that I have spent HOURS riding dragons and farming their horns but I didn't do it to break the game I just really love dragons and using them to get places. I think there are probably easier ways to break a game. I just really love having elemental weapons that don't suck. Also it meant I was able to level up my champion's tunic REAL fast and that defense is nothing to sneeze at.)

#It was blue also so like not the weakest form #I broke a lot of fucking weapons on it #Totk

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inafieldofdaisies · 7 months

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13, 18, 20, 24 for the OTP asks, please and thank you!

For everyone if that's okay I love them😂🖤

Questions from this post.

13. A little personal… but… Hot and Steamy or Soft and Tender? Both.

18. Evening rituals? Making dinner (John would mostly help around, making her and Savannah laugh), hanging by the fireplace (while Sabrina shoots daggers at Joseph's portrait... one day she'd get actual darts and throw them, or straight up use her throwing knives and watch for his reaction) or outside while Sabrina plays her guitar, shower (with John butting in everytime, "We're saving water, Deputy" -> "I though you were rich, Jonathan.").

In the AU, she'd also probably force him to watch a TV show and he'd complain how she keeps guessing the bad guys ("You must have seen it before, Detective."), dining out whenever they could.

20. Most cuddly? Both? John ain't one to pass on a chance/excuse to touch her and be in her space.

24. What do their texts look like?

AU: Total banter, full of chaos, John cringe-failing at acting normal. A totally real example:

Sabrina: Sav chose her Halloween costume. John: Oh? Sabrina: A little trigger warning, though. Sabrina: *picture of Savannah in a bat costume for Halloween*

The bat thing absolutely becomes an inside joke.

13. A little personal… but… Hot and Steamy or Soft and Tender? Both, but scales are tipped more towards hot & steamy.

18. Evening rituals? Mer pretending she's throwing Jakey out/not wanting him to stay the night (he might have forced his way back into the house once after she jokes he won't do it), arguing over what they would have for dinner and her looking for new buttons to push.

20. Most cuddly? Mercedes, but if you ask she would deny it until her last breath, and then insist it's just an act anyway. Deep down, she grows attached to his hugs/him holding her close.

24. What do their texts look like? Assuiming the old man even has a phone, I don't imagine he would text her, probably straight up call her every time instead. Mer: spicy photos, pictures of random things that made her think of him (as a joke, totally!, because she ain't thinking of him for realsies), little updates throughout the day just to be annoying when he's not seeing her in person (he'd be eating those up).

13. A little personal… but… Hot and Steamy or Soft and Tender? Both.

18. Evening rituals? They'd eat whatever Casey has decided to try as "new dish" at the bar, be left mosty hungry, then one of them would decide to cook for the other (Cal ain't too bad at it).

20. Most cuddly? Cal, he's a good hugger, too.

24. What do their texts look like?

Cal would be texting her memes and jokes like crazy, thirst trap worthy shots, voice memos dripping with innuendos. Mary May would be more reigned in about hers/act annoyed by his, but deep down look forward to whatever dumb shit he would send her next.

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oplishin · 10 months

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DOING SOME REAL CRINGE FAIL COOKING RIGHT NOW. OH MY GOD

#I fucked up these beans so bad hopefully I can salvage them

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s-blast92 · 8 months

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im being cringe on main again i don't care anymore

ive been cooking for my deranged au again. content warnings for dark themes?? I have no idea what to tag this with. its basically rainbow factory that's the content warning.

The rank-up exams from A to S are mandatory once a month for every Inkfish living in Splatsville and this system has been in place for quite a few years now. its one of those traditional things that maybe isn't so great since it pressures inkfish to do ranked when they want to play casual turf.

but you know how splatsville is. the weak leave splatsville. splatsville is a city full of strong competitors.

the exams are basically a series. done in solo queue and no way to prepare beforehand about who you're going up against or who your teammates are going to be. if your weapon doesn't fit in with the team comp, whoops! hope you're proficient enough with it.

since it's ranked, the four modes are zones, tower, clams, and rainmaker, but unlike a series, these are chosen at random each match. The only practice an individual is getting is prior practice for the exam for that particular mode. and like a series, the individual gets three chances to lose. if you lose three, you're out. if you win three, you're in. congrats! yes the system is rigged. no, nobody is going to question it.

so, what happens when someone fails! Well! They get exiled from the city. Most believe they'll just have to move to Inkopolis. Some don't feel so pressured to give up their Splatsville pride since. well. the worst that they think that just happens is that they go away from the city. not very threatening.

but what ACTUALLY happens is that theyre sent to an off-grid location somewhere in the splatlands. Nobody goes out there really so it's a perfect place for this. the "failures" are turned into power eggs. these power eggs can be used for a variety of things, although they're mostly used for gaining profit, which in turn helps splatsville grow and develop even further. real fucked up. its no wonder why people in splatsville never see the exiled again.

While this is a mostly Splatsville thing, Inkopolis squids who move to Splatsville or stay for a prolonged period of time are also subjected to this mandatory rank-up exam. This causes Inkopolis squids to be familiar with the process and some even do it in their hometown without the whole exiling thing. For them it's to mostly see how fresh they are, and it's unofficial to Splatlands.

now, the au starts off with barreleye and mitsuami competing with each other since it was supposedly random that both of them were scheduled at the same time. mitsuami, like usual, is very nervous, but others around her say that everything's going to be fine. however, things seem amiss to mitsuami when team blue goes missing after being separated for their exam a week earlier. their teamwork is their strong point, which makes it sort of unfair that they were separated in their exam. but, the most interesting thing is that Headphones actually passed. Where was she? She must've went with her teammates regardless of passing.

deep cut and a lot of other individuals are kept hush-hush throughout this whole thing. mostly by money. deep cut can't really resist treasures. The agents are a non-threat since they're also subjected to this system if they live in Splatsville (and nobody's really investigated it, and if they did, they never returned.)

ANYWAYS i think im done rambling for now I'm done subjecting you guys to my deranged ideas for now

#linus's deranged au #halfrim musings

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compudescamso3000 · 7 months

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2023

It's been a while (not to say a couple of years...) ever since i been on tumblr, like for real. Looking for something in my old posts... i couldn't help but realize how bad i felt back then...

(and how cringe my english was)

Althought i can't say i'm fully happy now, i'm just a bit less bad... i hope i'm in the right way? I had some post full of hope over what the future was holding for me, making it even sadder how everything turned out now that i'm ... stepping on the time it was supposed to be my future, how my soul was crushed over and over.

Seeing in those posts how i went from someone who happily wanted to sing and that would sing as easily as breathing, to someone who could barely speak a word, whose voice would just have a limited time for speaking, a limited amount of words to say per day. More than a 5 min talk would leave me with a sore throat for days...

The source of high amount of my sadness been gone for 2 and half years now, not that i'm happy over her departure, i'm ... living a more peaceful life trying to understand how to be a person.

It's unbelievabe how trying to make your parents happy can break a person to the point that doesn't awknoledge it's own self, how easy it's to break someone else to the point that desires to die, but knows that attempting to make it happen, if failing, would lead to worse consequences from those that's already experiencing.

I wish i was braver...

"you better be using your phone only to sales"/"who you talking to? is it for a sale?" so i literally had to stop socializing

"everything you have, it was me who paid for it" so i basically stopped using much of my stuff

"come to the kitchen i want to tell you something" every couple of mins bc the 'something' was never told, so i ended up staying staring at the nothingless waiting to hear something that would never be said, to the point i barely laid a feet in my room but to sleep.

"you're useless, you do nothing, you're not helping at all and i'm paying for everything" but... i did DO a lot of stuff, house cleaning, laundry, sales, grocery shopping and most of the cooking, plus the sales picking up and organize the items... the sales itself the pricing the package the dropping at the post office.

"you know nothing/everthing you say you're wrong" then i stopped answering questions, i stopped giving my opinion

"you don't listen when i'm calling you" so i stopped listening to music

"you're drawing? that's a waste of time you're supposed to be studying" so i stopped doing it as well or if i wanted it so bad i had to sacrifice time from my sleep after SHE went sleep... "you can paint/draw on these stuff to sell" yeah, of course, when it was HER gaining money out of my work she was totaly up to me drawing...

"i'm going out to x place with x, i'll be back at x time" "are you sure you wanna go?"x500 times on a row till i say "you know what? i'm staying" so i barely went out in my life, and now the parent that's still around is *concerned* about me not leaving the house... oh dear god, i asked for his help more times that i can remember, and he never said a thing.

So... at the end, the career i was so proud about, the one that made my heart happy, i was silently forced to drop it, because i had to skip classes, because i coulnd't socialize and make connections, because i had NO time to do the one thing needed for it ... which was 'training my ears', because i wasn't let study. I changed for a career she'd be happy about, naive enought to thing she'd let me time to study for it... Only to realize she would expect me to answer messages from and about the sales page 24/7: while on classes, while being asleep (yes, i even had to wakeup to answer...), only for her to answer whatever thing pleased her even if i told her exactly what to say, because of course, she knew better. Even if it was my working, i wouldn't get paid or be able to decide what to bring to sell, i was not owner of my own money, because i had no bank account.

So i became silent, i stayed in standby mode sitting as a stuppid NPC awaited to be spoken to, seeing how my life was crushed and not knowing how to pick up the pieces. Sacrificing my sleeptime was the only hope to socialize... but when you sleep only 5~6 hours it's a terrible idea.

I'm broken, inside and outside. And it's sad to admit that i never attempted suicide because i knew that despite knowing that the treatment i recived was because 'i'm not a boy', the consequences i'd have to suffer were going to be even worse, i only lived because of Infinite, because sacrificing my sleeping time to listen to their music was the only thing warming my heart, and my dreams the second main source of happines/freedom i had.

After her departure, i ... filled a void in my soul by buying dolls, damn, first time deciding how to use my money...

Took me a while to realize i owned my time, that i could listed to music... the last year or so... music sprung in my heart making me sing again, can't sing or speak for long but, still i can...

Now, i've purchased a mic, not fancy, but it works, in hope to record my singing, to encourage myself to get back to the keyboard or the strings.

I've came to realize that my room, that was always my safe place, was as well my prison, my cage, it took me about a year to be able to stay in my room to read, or hear music, or write. I've been attempting to sing in here (where my pc is...) i feel anxious, and suffocated, can't find my voice, feel worthless, i forget... bloody hell, now i need to be able to feel safe in here again?

.........

Damn, i didn't expect to write such long text... but yeah, 29 years to come to awknodledge that what i knew as 'normal' was a lie, suffering of allergies in a chronic way, it an endless pain with around 30 different simphtoms i been able to identify that doctors have no idea about... because they only think allergies=instant death

#personal #thoughts

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kyndaris · 1 year

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Two Veterans and a Nurse...

Not knowing if one date was enough to get the proper feel of a person, I organised a second date with Pickles. At that particular moment, all the way back in October, I wasn’t sure who to pick between him and Shrek. After all, our first meet-ups were similar but also quite different. I’d learned a lot more about Pickles’s life and was enjoying our chats on Messenger (after I’d successfully stalked him on the socials after receiving a business card for his podcast. It does beggar the question that maybe being a private detective would be the perfect job for me?), whereas Shrek was easier to talk to because of the fact that we both grew up in ethnic families that had specific views on our marital status.

That, and the fact that I wanted to watch a movie and had some time off work. The film I wanted to see, however, didn’t have any sessions after 5PM. And honestly, See How They Run would have probably been much more humorous than what Amsterdam turned out to be (despite all the big names in it).

But perhaps I ought to have taken the night to watch See How They Run. Alas, the universal perception that watching a film by your lonesome in a cinema is cringe won through. On the other hand, Saoirse Ronan was in it.

Dilemmas, dilemmas.

Still, those are regrets that I ought to unpack another time. For now, I shall eagerly look forward to Glass Onion. From a few comments I’ve seen online, it’s apparently even better than Knives Out. And that was a film that caught me by surprise. Besides, who doesn’t love Daniel Craig’s over the top southern accent?

Back to the date at hand!

A bit like the first time I met Pickles, we convened outside his place of work in the city. From there, and emboldened at my initial excellent choice for food, I directed us towards some delicious sushi - with a brief stopover at a local JB Hi-Fi to pick up A Plague Tale: Requiem! Nigiri, hand rolls, gunkan and even side dishes! All for the low, low price of $4.20.

Except, to my dismay, he didn’t much like avocado! Raised Jewish, he also wasn’t much into shellfish like prawns. Nor did he like scallops!

He didn’t even touch the nigiri! And the tuna he had was always cooked. No raw fish! The very essence of sushi to some!

I had failed.

At the very least, that was how I felt as we headed towards the cinema, the tickets for Amsterdam nestled in my leather Mickey Mouse wallet after I’d purchased it beforehand. Once there, PIckles bought a medium-sized popcorn. An ample snack for a growing man.

I, on the other hand, was never much of a snacker. And rightly told him so before we found our seats and prepared ourselves for the wilm.

What to say about Amsterdam?

For one, there were a lot of big-name celebrities. From Anya Taylor-Joy to Christian Bale to Margo Robbie to Rami Malek to Robert de Niro. Taylor Swift even made a cameo!

So, you would think with such a diverse cast of actors, it would be much more entertaining than it was. After all, the trailers sold it as a comedy whoddunnit mystery. But, in all honesty, the comedic stylings were too far and few between. Or just a bit too much on the subtle side. There were a few chuckles here and there but nothing that had me guffawing. Except maybe how dramatic Taylor Swift’s death was when she got pushed in front of a car.

Rather, Amsterdam was a fictional interpretation of real events. And honestly, it was interesting to see how the Western world had to grapple with the growing threat of fascism back in the early 1930s.

In many ways, I also felt like I had failed in choosing the event as well. The movie wasn’t as funny as I had hoped.

In any case, after the movie was over, there was hardly any time to debrief - a most definite thing that ought to have happened - as my train was in five minutes and if I didn’t catch it, I would have also had to wait another thirty minutes. So, with a hasty goodbye, my time with Pickles came to a close.

On the ride home, though, we managed to exchange a flurry of messages.

Alas, it was not to be.

Our brief acquaintanceship would remain as it was, never to blossom into a full-fledged romance. Why, you ask, dear reader?

Well, despite my miscalculations on food and possibly the movie, Pickles was also thinking of heading overseas. As an individual that places a lot of weight on physical touch (according to him), he would be desolate by the separation. As for me, physical touch probably sits near the bottom of my love languages. I’ve never been comfortable with people casually touching me in any intimate manner, like my lower back or warmly embracing me. And you can completely forget the air kisses. Eugh!

There were just too many things that weren’t clicking and he was also looking for something short-term.

Alas, it seemed that despite a strong initial showing, our budding relationship was to be relegated to the dreaded friend zone (not that I mind. It just makes these things easier for me. And is probably less scary in the long run. Basically, think of me like Anzu from Romantic Killer. After all, it’s a particularly apt comparison. Just, you know, without the demon Riri conjuring up terrible situations to put me in).

So, what shall befall poor Kyndaris’s love life next? Will there be another contender that can tug at my heart strings?

Next time on Dating 2.0, looking forward to terrible teeth and an attempt at a ‘friendly catch-up!’

#personal blog #dating #title sounds like the set-up for some terrible joke #amsterdam #movie night

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