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according2thelore · 2 months

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36 y/o sam makes for a FORTY y/o dean. can you imagine.

in my head the dean fight is just them both accusing each other of being bad brothers to their respective sams.... just a furious mix of possessiveness and self-hating. i-can-be-a-better-big-brother-off. like a bake off! but insane.

i think old sam and dean would also bask in the admiration of their younger brothers. 36 y/o sam casually lifting weights and doing yoga in the freaking library like haha.... look at how wide my biceps are dean.... meanwhile 40 y/o dean is baking for 22 y/o sam while flexing every other second. extremely embarrassing middle aged men.

GRAHHHHH

a 22 y/o ES!Sam, a 26 y/o ES!Dean, a 36 y/o LS!Sam, and a 40 y/o LS!Dean?????

"embarrassing old men" is so REAL!!!!!!!

LS!Sam tries to find excuses to lift heavy things like 'hey have y'all seen my keys?' *lifts the armchair above his head* ES!Dean is panting and sweating and so hard that he almost passes out and ES!Sam has buried his face in his hands bc oh my god he's so transparent this is so fucking mortifying

LS!Dean keeps trying to feed ES!Sam because oh my god? this kid is so skinny? he makes him burgers and pancakes and grilled cheeses and slaps ES!Dean's hand--hard--when he tries to grab one off the plate because these are not for you, little shit.

while LS!Sam and ES!Dean are off gazing lovingly into each other's eyes or whatever, LS!Dean and ES!Sam are so uncomfortable-sticky-sick with jealousy that they end up migrating to the kitchen, where they spend hours at a time, sometimes talking sometimes not.

dean will make him lunch or snacks or crack him a beer ('if you're even old enough to drink, how old are you anyway, squirt?' 'squirt, god, what is this, 1950? i'm 22, jerk.') and ES!Sam tries to gently sneak info about the future out of dean.

dean has almost twenty years on this kid. he can't stop looking at sam's wet little mouth and feels like an old perv for it, but what else can he do about it? he thinks it's mostly unrequited lust (feeling sam's bicep and being able to wrap an entire hand around it, looking up into his little brother's eyes and sam can't even look down at him without looking away shyly, god), but when he's pulling a pizza out of the oven, he catches ES!Sam looking away sharply, blush crawling up his neck and holy shit--

that little skeeze! he was totally checking out dean's ass! everything dean makes now has to be baked, or the pans mysteriously move to the bottom cabinets and he has to bend over to get them out. he wears his best jeans and his most worn shirts or wifebeaters and takes sammy out to the garage so they can talk there while he eats food dean made and dean can really make a show of it--flexing and hauling things and bending over the engine. and who can blame sam if he has to lean over and touch? who can say dean's wrong if sam's sitting in the chair in the kitchen and his hair is mussed from sleep and his eyes are dazed and he has a smear of maple syrup at the corner of his mouth from pancakes dean made for him, and dean has to wipe it away with his thumb and suck it into his own mouth?

or reverse, ES!Dean pretending that he needs lore help so LS!Sam leans over him in the library chair, his broad chest to Dean's back, his breath on Dean's ear, his hair tickling his neck. ES!Sam asking LS!Dean questions about the armory so he can see his eyes light up, so he can watch his shoulders as he hauls something heavy, deadly and purposeful and graceful.

and oof. a dean fight would be brutal. both verbally and physically. LS!Dean would be blaming all of his past mistakes on ES!Dean (maybe if you'd loved him right, he would've stayed. maybe if you weren't such a needy piece of shit, you could've stopped him. maybe if you were stronger, you could stop what's coming. sam needs someone better than you, someone who won't fuck up.) whereas ES!Dean sees all the pockmarks in LS!Sam and knows somehow it must be LS!Dean's fault (who did that to him? who let that happen? you're talking about being strong, but you're weak. pathetic. talk about being a big man but you're just as fucking broken. i would've never let that happen, i would've never let anyone get in fifty fucking miles of him--our job is to protect sammy, all costs. i would've rather died). they keep trying to prove how much better they are, how much more they can provide.

but any way you cut it, they just soak up each other's attention and anger because it's so reassuring to know that all versions of sam's big brother love him, will do anything for him; that sam chooses dean--any dean, every dean, in every form. that all versions of your brother is your version, he will always belong to you.

but god, the jealousy!!!! he's mine!!!! petulant and childish and grown and desperate and everything in between!!!!!

you get it anon, oh lovely anon <3 they are everything to each other at all times, and time travel would just make it more twisted and possessive and frantic. <3

-lizzy

#ask box #lizzy answers #lizzy writes #kissing anon on both cheeks #ES/LS verse #a new tag for these little jewels!#anon <3

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lovelyladyabsinthewrites · 1 year

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Love Song for a Vampire Pt. 30

Pairing(s): Edward Cullen x Wolf!Reader, Jacob Black x Bella Swan, Jacob Black x Witch!OC, Edward Cullen x Bella Swan

Warnings:none

Words:1987

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39

The ending didn’t come out like it did the first time I typed this up but it’s close to the original I had worked on last night 🙃

Shocked wasn’t enough to describe the jolt Jacob received when he opened his front door and found Bella. The last bit of hope that imprinting on the witch had just been a dream was quickly eliminated. Standing before him was the love of his life, yet he didn’t feel that same giddiness he once felt with Bella’s presence. That terrified him more than anything; how quickly imprinting changed one’s life.

Behind her on the dirt driveway was a small, tan car. Probably here replacement for her red truck that was totaled when Riley took her. Late in the day, the sky is already casting the world in a pink and orange haze.“Sorry to show up unannounced.” He can tell Bella immediately wanted to nervously chew on her bottom lip as she was prone to do but stopped herself. Subtle changes could be seen on her. She’d been spending time reflecting on herself and really thinking of what she wants in life.

“No, it’s okay.” Jacob steps aside to let her in. Bella hesitated for a heartbeat before walking through. I guess it has been a while since she’s come over.

They go to his room which feel so small now that there was another person occupying it.

He hated this strange feeling. It made him not know how to act in front of her. Like she was a complete stranger to him now and not the girl he'd been mooning over for years. Jacob watches her in a queer way as she perched herself on the edge of his bed. "How has the pack been?"

"Good. (y/n) and Edward left with the Denali couple to drive them back to Alaska." He noticed the flash of momentary hurt on Bella's face before she regains composure and nods.

"I remember them saying they'd be leaving soon." They hadn't spoken about her meeting with them. Jacob had been too focused on what was happening with him and how, even though he was in his human skin, he could still smell Evita's citrus scent that beckoned him to go to Sam's. The alpha had warned Jacob though about scaring her off before she was able to finish the wards that was to protect them from hostile creatures.

“They left last night and should be back in a few hours from the text she sent to our group chat.” Jacob shrugs. “

At that, Bella actually smiles. “I wouldn’t doubt it. Edward drives really fast. Even Alice does too. It must be a vampire thing.”

He tried to think of something else to say, anything to make his life feel normal again. There had been nothing normal about his life though. His mouth was dry and tongue heavy. How could he go on pretending everything was okay? Not to mention he couldn’t imagine how Bella would feel once she learned that another guy who she deeply cared about was taken because of imprinting once again. Her wounds were still healing from her breakup with Edward. It would crush Bella. Jacob may have imprinted on Evita, but he still cared for her greatly. Just not romantically, not anymore.

By the blessing of those above, a tremor in the air gripped Jacob and Bella. The hairs on the back of her neck stand at the tingling that was rushing through her. “Wh. . . What is that?”

The strong aroma of orange blossoms fills his nostril.

Evita.

This had to be Evita’s magic swirling in the air. It riled up the wolf in him, making Jacob want to spring into action. Were it not for Bella being present, he might have leapt through his window and run to Sam’s house where he knew the witch was staying for the meantime.

Underneath his skin, the animal trembled and agitated him from the inside where he felt uncomfortable in his human flesh.

Inhaling deeply, Jacob closed his eyes to steady his breathing which had quickened. “Magic.”

Bella does a double take. “Magic?”

He stumbles over his words but manages to get Bella up to date on what had been going on in La Push. Even Jacob felt silly about the things he said out loud to her, all of this sounded so unreal yet that’s what his life had become.

The air was still fluctuating with that sharp orange smell and Jacob could spot goosebumps rising on Bella’s arms as an after effect to nearby magic.

“Can I meet her?”

“You want to meet her?” Yes, a reason to see Evita! His wolf rejoiced that he’d finally be able to be near her again despite Jacob’s efforts to ignore it.

Bella doesn’t waver. “Yes. If she’s here to protect the town then I feel like I owe it to her to introduce myself. This. . . This is my fault after all.”

“Stop saying that.” Jacob hated how she pinned the blame of all of the events that had led up to Evita’s arrival. “It’s not you’re fault. Something like this was bound to happen ever since the Cullens came to town decades ago.

“Regardless,” Bella sighed. “I want to meet her.”

That’s how they end up in Bella’s tan Corolla, the small car sped through the empty streets of La Push to get to Sam’s cabin. The drive was overall quiet considering both of them were off in their own little worlds; questioning what they had felt in his room when Evita’s magic swept up their senses into a flurry. The wolf’s eagerness to be near it’s mate was unfathomable as Jacob felt his hands beading with perspiration.

He wasn’t ready to see Evita. Not yet.There was no way Jacob could trust himself to keep his imprinting a secret from Bella if Evita is near.

And Bella, her skin still hadn’t stopped shivering with an odd delight; the back of her neck continued to tingle through her neck and spine. She couldn’t begin to describe the experience. Jacob had called it magic.

The drive didn’t take long, Jacob and Bella were great up for that as Bella’s car pulled to a stop in front of Sam’s cabin. Excited chatter could be heard streaming through from the inside of the house.

Bella gets out of the car first allowing Jacob a few seconds to himself to calm the roaring wave of his heartbeat.

Breathing in a deep inhale, Jacob unbuckles his belt and pushed open the car door.

Smoke from Sam’s chimney twirls out in long ribbons against the mystical color pallet that sunsets are composed of.

From a fluttering curtain in a window, a face briefly appeared and spotted the two of them as they walk up to Sam’s porch. In but a few seconds does Paul open the door to great them. His eyes narrow with caution that confused Bella. Instantly a tension spoiled the air and the house grew quiet.

“Jacob. Bella.” Paul casually greeted but there was a strain to his voice. “Fancy seeing you guys here.”

“We came here to see Evita’s witchcraft.” Jacob is quick to say, hopeful that Paul would buy the reason for it was true.

“We felt the aftershocks and I asked Jacob to take me to meet her.” Explained Bella.

That made Paul’s eyes round. “Aftershocks?”

Sam appeared behind him. “Come in.” He merely instructed and had Paul step aside. “Jacob, stay in the back with me.”

Sam’s living room was crowded with other members of the pack and was wholly transformed into a candlelit space for witchcraft. His usual furniture was gone and in their place were an array of strange and arcane objects. The light from the fireplace made shadows flicker against the walls and distort the shadowy figures of those present.

Everyone leaned in yet kept themselves from straying too far into the circle that Evita had made on the ground.

A small bowl of herbs are slowly catching ablaze by the beckoning of her foreign words. Bella saw with her own eyes a river stone crumble all by itself into fine dust that is carried on an invisible wind and into Evita’s clasped hands. The delicate skin of her wrists appear paper thin as even Bella could see the many lines and rivers of her veins. They looked like they were made of lightening as they burned from under her skin.

Her lips move rapidly in her incantation, and as her words carried into the room, the energy shifted. Candlelight made the dark sway.

Entranced were the rest of the pack as they held their breathing, taking in the wondrous sight before them.

More sharp spices fill the air along with Evita’s citrus scent.

Jacob couldn’t tear his eyes off of her wild and flying curls that whip around her face that was lined with painful looking scars. To Jacob though, the dark scars that run along her face accentuate her fine cheekbones and full lips. A spatter of freckles add to her charm.

The wild wind of energy that had been swirling around her seem to fall away. Time itself felt like it froze.

Multiple breaths that had been held in up until that point exhale with an edge of relief. Her spell was complete.

When the candles are blown out by the dying breath of her magic, Sam slowly turns on the electronic lights of his house. Sitting in the middle of the living room was a pale Evita. Slowly she removes her top hand to reveal an object the size of a quarter and equally flat.

The color of it was the glittering shade of emerald. A warmth eminated from it.

Weary from her efforts, Evita explained with a tired voice “I have five more of these to make. They are to be distributed throughout Forks and La Push. The ward is this small so that it won’t be easily spotted by your enemies. We must bury them at six specific points. About a foot into the ground.” She passed it to Jared who held it with reverence. The ward made it’s way around the pack as they ‘ooed’ and ‘awwed’.

Leah and Seth gather around Evita to help her up and into Sam’s bedroom where she was regain her strength.

Jacob followed the trio with his eyes, unable to follow them thanks to Sam.

While Bella hadn’t been able to be properly introduced to Evita, the visit had been worthwhile. She’d never imagined that magic would look quite like that or that it would feel so intense.

When everyone had a chance to examine the ward, Paul snatched it from Collin’s hands. “This is to be put somewhere with the highest security. This may not look like much but it is essential if we want to keep our territory safe.”

This was not fun and games.

Sam put a hand on Jacob’s shoulder, alerting him it was time for him to go. “She’ll be alright. She warned me ahead of time that this would take a toll on her energy. Proper sleep and food will do her good.”

If Sam hadn’t been Jacob’s alpha, who knows what he would have done. Any other wolf would consider Sam’s posturing as getting in between Jacob and his mate. Hell hath no fury like a wolf being kept apart from their imprintee.

Jacob was still experiencing a heady daze and thankfully didn’t put up much of a fight as he taps Bella’s arm to get her attention. She was still staring at where Evita had been creating her ward.

The simple physical contact coaxed her back to her senses and they slink to the front door. Both too stunned to utter a parting word to anyone.

Bella didn’t know how long they’d been there, but instead of the fuchsia clouds that were highlighted with orange there was now a vast sky filled with stars.

Stars were dull though in comparison to the headlights on Edward’s car that shined right at them.

——

Names that are in bold are ones I can’t tag for some reason

TAGLIST: @saltedcoffeescotch , @dangerouslittlefairy , @burn-crash-rqmance , @casedoina , @avadakadabra93 , @daryldixonstorm , @blue-aconite , @xanniestired666 , @esposadomd, @godinho11 , @arin-swear-rose , @alexizodd , @melaninsugarbaby , @lyeatoalinatoheaven , @ronwownsme , @itsmytimetoodream , @afro-hispwriter , @mutandis-extremis993 , @hxgemxscles , @nightly-polaris , @corrodedcoffins-slut , @ellesalazar , @itgetzweird08 , @crybabyatthediscooffandoms , @sassyandclassyx , @scarlet2007 , @theroyalbrownbarbie , @jennyamanda8 , @stevenandmarcslove , @biancaindaeyo , @loversjoy , @turningtoclown , @vixorell , @xxthackerybinxxx , @daredevilonmyheels , @dumbbitch-juice , @southern-bell-give-hell , @nat-the-gemini , @imdoingathingmomgmom , @emmettcullenswife , @yoong1c0re , @daddykylokenobi , @minjix

#edward cullen #edward cullen fanfic #edward cullen fanfiction #edward cullen x reader #edward cullen x you #twilight #twilight saga #twilight fanfiction #twilight fandom #reader insert #reader insert fanfiction

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windvexer · 1 year

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versatile tarot spreads: elemental quarters (4, 5, 8, 9, 16, 17, 32, 33, 36 or 37 cards)

This post is part of a short series on "tarot spreads which require you to bring your own questions to the table."

This is a very nice one for those who like to work with the elements. The true benefit of this spread (as indicated by the card count) is that it is designed to add more and more cards to continue exploring the issue or gain greater clarity of depth.

Because of this, there are a few versions, which I will endeavor to cover.

Its primary function is as an overview spread that gives information on various parts of a situation - and those parts are divided up according to elemental correspondences.

So the card in your Earth quarter may deal a lot with money and housing, while the card in your Water quarter may deal a lot with relationships and emotions, and so on.

Beforehand, write down what directions you associate with each element. It may help to have a resource handy to review what you believe each element is associated with.

Assuming that west is at your left hand and east is at your right hand, lay down four cards in a diamond shape to represent each element.

If you like, lay one card sideways in the center to represent "spirit."

Read each card in turn, assuming that the card is linked with that elemental quarter. If utilized, the center "spirit" card may refer to overall themes or greatest advice.

The spirit card is read sideways to represent both its upright and reversed positions, but if this is not preferred, it may be drawn normally and read upright or reversed as fate provides. I find the reading is improved if "spirit" is flipped over only after all other cards have been read.

This spread also functions well as a timeline - starting with East (at the right hand) as the beginning, and going clockwise until North (at the top of the diamond) functions as the ending.

For those that cannot get enough of large, out-of-control spreads, try this modification:

At some point ten or so years ago I asked myself, "if fire is fire of [subject], then if the subject itself is fire, doesn't that mean there is fire of fire, earth of fire, and so on?" and this lead to me developing what's pictured above - one of my favorite spreads.

Place four cards at every quarter, also in a diamond shape (for a total of sixteen cards). Each quartet has an internal elemental system. For example, in the quarter of fire, there are four cards - the rightmost card is Fire of Fire, the lower card is Earth of Fire, the leftmost card is Water of Fire, the top card is Air of Fire.

Read each quartet as a single unit before combining the spread as a whole. Especially explore the associations between all elemental cards (all four Water of ___ cards; all four Fire of ___ cards; and so on). Give special consideration to when elements agree (Water of Water is a cups card) or disagree (Water of Water is a fiery wands card).

In the infographic I did not include any spirit cards, but they can be added to each quartet if desired.

(Please note, Readers, that I provide my own elemental directions for demonstration purposes - your own should be freely substituted).

Now, of course, I hear what you're saying - "if the simple four card spread got to use the cross-quarter ways, we should be able to do it for this one, too!"

And of course you can, and should, if you've got a couple of hours to spend on just one reading:

#tarot #tarot spread #tarot spreads #versatile tarot spreads #elemental quarters spread #elemental quarters #four elements spread #four elemental quarters spread

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possumsinpeoplesuits · 7 months

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At long last, my Our Lady of the Passion cosplay is ready for cons!

Based on this picture from Pinterest (google is finding fuck all elsewhere, but if someone knows the source I'll add it.)

The tank top is from Lockedtombmemes' Redbubble store.

The jacket is here, though I've painted the back with some fabric paint. I used the non-heat treating kind and just sort of sketched out the letters with a dark pencil to make sure the placement wasn't too awful.

The dog tags I'm not quite satisfied with because I put too little information on them, and an updated one is still waiting in the mail (I wanted to put the Wing and Cell on it, and had to reread some chapters to verify) There's loads of places to get them, but I used these.

The machetes I don't have many pictures of (I don't have a full length mirror to show them properly strapped to the legs.), but I went a little overbudget to the point it would probably have been cheaper to buy real machetes (but not as welcomed at conventions!) Still, they were from here, in case anyone wants some big ol' 27 inch props instead of the dinky ones from Spirit Halloween.

Gloves were these ones, and they fit my big ol' butch hands just fine. Nothing special there.

For my TACTICAL BLOOD OF EDEN FANNY PACK (which I already wear all the time, but changed colors to match the costume anyways) is this.

The boots are fairly ubiquitous and seem to come from various online sellers, sometimes in men's sizes, sometimes in women's, but this store has them up to a women's size 12, which I needed because I'm lorge.

Now, the mask I'm most proud of! I don't have any experience making costume bits, but I found this one meant for airsoft, which has TWO FUCKING FANS?!?! hidden in the filters to cool my face in the sweltering 80 degree Texas winters.

But! You'll notice the goggles aren't tinted, so I had to figure out how to do them myself to hide my glasses, for REASONS, but this little kit was pretty simple. There's a gluey side, so you just spray the goggles with some water, then slap them down and spend like... a fucking hour or two squeezing out the air bubbles, but aside from a single wrinkle, I think they turned out great! The red also provides some good contrast.

Now, the pants were pretty simple. These come with knee pads, and the black camo looks really nice with the gray coat and black shirt. It did take two attempts to get some that fit (One seller had the XL listed as having a 44 inch waist, equivalent to a women's 18, but labeled elsewhere with the true size of 36 inches, the bastards.), but where I got silly was the straps.

I got this tactical belt, which seems to have tipped the number of tactical things I can search for before search engines decide you're a bootlicker, and intended to use a single bike strap on each leg to hold the other end, which, well... two problems.

The blades were now being bent by my massive fucking quads because I've been doing a shitload of exercise to get fit, because apparently all I needed to get into the gym five times a week was wanting to look like my specialist book blorbo.

I couldn't bend my fucking hips.

So! I ended up ordering a total of SIX STRAPS for my legs, pairing two up high to fit the wider part of my leg, and a single one down near the knee. The upper ones I later looped through the belt to hold them up, which also doubles for making the trousers into a fucking cod piece, which, hey, some people like that. The lower ones were led up by the knee pad, so I had a somewhat stable set of six straps and one belt, which is dangerously close to becoming a Nomura-era Final Fantasy character, but hey, I gave myself carpal tunnel marathoning all the Kingdom Hearts games last year, so that's not a problem.

All in all, it probably cost me... well, more money than it should have, but it's all pretty quality stuff that I'm sure will be very toasty if we ever happen to have another winter down south.

Also, last note... boots of any kind are so much more comfortable with insoles. They don't have to be expensive, but your feet and knees will thank you at conventions when they have a good cushion under your heels.

That's about all I've learned putting this together! I'm 5'9 and around 250 pounds, give or take, so most of this is men's garments, which means the pockets are DEEP AS FUCK. Perfect for collecting small rocks.

Just something to keep in mind.

(See y'all at the conventions. I promise my Yorkshire accent will be less goofy by then, but I can't promise I'll be as nasally as the audiobook.)

#the locked tomb #cosplay #costume #blood of eden #our lady of the passion #our lady of the passion tlt #nona the ninth #halloween

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sorry-imma-scorpio · 11 months

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anyway, don’t be a stranger :)

It’s a rant :)

I think I have read Solitaire by Alice Oseman a good 20000 times by now.

You can’t blame me though, it is an amazing piece of literature and I seem to have found solace in its tragic storytelling.

It has been a while since I’ve posted anything, no one has read it, but is that really the point? I just seem to exist on this plane and yeah. I found an analysis I did of “The World Is Ugly” by My Chemical Romance, total red flag. 7th grade me was an absolute trainwreck.

I spend 4ish hours a couple weeks ago on my ranking of Taylor Swift’s albums, and my big three are Speak Now, 1989, and Folklore. Not surprising - I grew up on Speak Now, 1989 was a major gift to 10 year old me, and Folklore is my comfort album honestly.

Honestly, I’m considering just putting my name on this blog, make it more personal. Why not? We’re all going to die at some point, might as well name my own diary that’s floating through space and time.

I want to dye my hair dark, it’ll be the second ever time in my 18 years of existence that I have dyed my hair.

My best friend graduated high school this last weekend. I’m so proud of her.

I am always nauseated but I can’t tell if thats because of my F in French or my long-lasting duel with diet culture and societal pressures.

The current song in my Delta-complimentary-headphones is Friend, Please by Twenty One Pilots for no other reason than middle school nostalgia and I am attempting to be an academic weapon (I graduate in less than 20 days and I am having a breakdown about it).

I think that my English teacher is going clinical- she is actually having us use ChatGPT to create a fiction story. Is that not what Hollywood is currently striking? The use of AI in the world of Creative Arts? It’ll be okay, Kai Stormrider (the guardian in this AI-generated mess) will guide me to a hopeful A- at the end of the semester.

Middle school me would absolutely bully Senior year me for using tumblrdotcom to procrastinate a French assignment that I am literally using google translate for. But hey *shrug* we’re on a floating rock.

I accidentally told one of my ?friend’s? that she dumbs herself down for her boyfriends, but I meant she chooses dumb boys to fall head-over-heels for.

I think she’s going to block me.

In Instagram group chats, I send similar messages to this, but I get told that they are “schizophrenic monologues”... can they not just be me recapping the conversation you asked for a recap on? Must it always be something that requires a diagnosis?

I feel like I should be crying as I write this, but I can’t.

My crying wrapped that I have on Google Forms sits unused this evening, with a total of 36 cries so far that I can remember having this year. It has been 142 days since the year has started. I have spent 25% of this year crying. I thought it was less.

The song has changed- it is now March to the Sea, also by Twenty One Pilots.

I think Tori Spring was written for me. About me. To me. I feel so similar to her it’s crazy.

Why do we just write out the full words of “I can not” instead of “I can’t” when we write about period pieces - they used other words. “I mustn’t” for example, still a conjugation, but they used it.

I started another chapstick today. Not because I ran out of my other, but simply because I lost it.

I’ll find it some day. Will I find myself in the way I will inevitably find my vanilla Burt’s Bees?

Life is a bitch.

Hozier played. Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene.

I still haven’t listened to francesca.

I have told my ?friends? about this account, how I use it to cope. But none of them care. A snap back here, a laugh, a text left on read.

Last weekend, I went on a vacation from school for a bit. To go see my best friend as she graduates from high school. It was nice to feel wanted.

I start nearly every line with an I.

I should be more creative.

“I Wish You Would” by Taylor Swift.

What would you wish for?

I don’t know what I would wish for. A break? A trip? An A in the French class I am still procrastinating?

My girlfriend already went to sleep. I love her so much, just everything she does. I feel bad that I feel like this, but I can’t just tell her. We’re long distance so she would worry and I can’t do that to her - I know that is a whole anxious-avoidance style or whatever. But IDK. I don’t want to stress her out or worry her, so I stay the happy, sunny, golden retriever girlfriend.

The Nick Nelson to her Charlie Spring.

She knows I have shit going on in my life, in my mind, but not as much as I really do deal with.

still not crying

Got some Panic!, MCR, and now Scott Street by Phoebe Bridgers.

“do you feel ashamed?”

I have 22 missing assignments, and even less days to make them up. I’ve mentioned that.

I’m going to procrastinate later. Tomorrow. I sign up for where I sit for graduation.

yay.

you are loved,

scorpio (kind of)

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windypuddle · 1 year

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I posted 5,413 times in 2022

That's 5,365 more posts than 2021!

152 posts created (3%)

5,261 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lowestechelonabomination

@spixi

@seishun-emergency

@ryusei-blue

@just-a-lonelypenguin

I tagged 929 of my posts in 2022

#enstars - 126 posts

#puddle talks - 44 posts

#fletcher's archive of useful stuff - 36 posts

#kaoru hakaze - 32 posts

#bungou stray dogs - 32 posts

#ensemble stars - 24 posts

#star trek - 24 posts

#rinne amagi - 15 posts

#shu itsuki - 15 posts

#rei sakuma - 14 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#but currently? the contender for making the next sweater vest is this neon orange yarn i have three skeins of. and i think that would be :)

My Top Posts in 2022:

(this is a long section so i cut it off but its: 5. enstars bsd au part 1, 4. kuroshu from the valkatsuki mv, 3. dramatica autism post, 2. incomprehensible screaming about favorite characters, and 1. the ryuseitai post)

Ensemble Stars!! > Bungou Stray Dogs

For clarification: this AU is about Enstars characters as if they were in the BSD universe. it is not the other way around. it is not a crossover.

this au did not start with the Agency. but the very Second thought I had about it was:

wouldn’t Rinne Amagi be a great Dazai?

and I was so, so, right.

[Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5]

here’s part 1 of 5 of my mediocre, slightly inaccurate, horribly blurry diagrams. (in my defense i got the enstars icons from one of the appellations pages)

Madara founded the agency after finding Leo (somehow) and it grew from there. (think origins of the detective agency)

Leo is a prodigy detective but it’s like a hit-or-miss whether he’ll help on regular cases which is why the agency is A Whole Thing

Kanata and Madara were childhood friends like in canon, including the cult thing. Kanata’s ability has the healing element of Thou Shalt Not Die, but instead of the catch being that the victim had to be half-dead, kanata either has to use water to heal them, or consume some of their blood. (slight reference to stuff from meteor impact because i think it fits thematically with the bsd setting)

kanata and madara lost touch with the beginning of the great war (same war as in bsd canon) but eventually reconnected and kanata joined the agency

ok. heres one of the reasons i called this slightly inaccurate. yall need to know that when i make aus its never exactly 1:1 with the characters. example in question: ritsumao. just think... their normal dynamic in enstars canon, but they join the agency instead of becoming idols. ritsu uses light snow to pretend he’s working and mao always slaps him to dispel the illusion

trickstar are just there. theyre like the background workers of the agency

anzu is haruno because shes potentially plot relevant (do not ask me who natsume-sensei/mii-chan is i do not fucking know. probably the godfather)

HiMERU honestly fits the Normal Guy (actually has problems). that’s part of why he’s kunikida. the other part of why is rinne.

Rinne is ex-mafia because he’s dazai here and im not making a completely new plot, thats why its a bsd au and not something totally different. He uses mafia money to gamble and everyone is all like Where Does He Get The Money??? he spends half his work hours annoying HiMERU and the other half annoying Niki.

Sora is just some kid. he introduces Leo to video games and everyone watches with trepidation (it actually makes Leo more productive)

Kohaku... is sort of ex-mafia. His family operates a highly successful business in killing people. Kohaku has never killed anyone. In the interests of the mafia, they send him to assassinate Madara. he gets offered a job instead.

Tsukasa goes after Kohaku to get him to return and ends up... also getting a job.

And Cafe Cinnamon:

Niki just works here. He doesn’t get paid to deal with all this shit. (he does get free total access to the kitchen at all times.)

Aira joins later (more on that in part 3). He helps Niki out around the cafe and ends up entangled in the agency’s problems way more often than he would like.

29 notes - Posted November 15, 2022

See the full post

30 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

wow guys i cant believe approximately 2/3 of DRAMATICA is autistic... really says something about theatre people

31 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

me talking about my favorite characters to the average person: oh i really like their design. and they’re funny. i like the narrative themes.

my actual thoughts about them: auayuyarytardtagdhurifhigjrkslgjdlkjhdfjkjhasdGATUIYURFHUHURHUDDFGKLSHGJDFHJGCKEMDEKOEKDOEKDOA;DKKSLMKJDSPOAOIOAOAAOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa) hahahahahaha their interactions (sobbing) (hwkjgrwdwrgffgwrfwg)

34 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

RYUSEITAI! RYUSEITAI M AND MORE IMPORTANTLY RYUSEITAI N!!! RYUSEITAI!!! RYUSEITAI RYUSEITAI

RYUSEITAI N ARE GOOD AND ALL HUG EACH OTHER

SHINOBU IS SO IMPORTANT AND LIKES FROGS

MIDORI IS SO IMPORTANT AND DESERVES THE WORLD

TETORA IS WINNING AT GENDER

THEY HAVE CUDDLE PILES SOMETIMES

RYUSEITAI M IS JUST CHIAKANA BUT THATS OKAY!!! CHIAKI IS THE SUN AND HE CARES ABOUT KANATA AND KANATA IS THE OCEAN AND CHIAKI IS HIS CONNECTION TO HUMANITY AND I THINK THAT IS BEAUTIFUL

I LOVE RYUSEITAI!!!!!!!

39 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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roboromantic · 2 years

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g-d. I was only scheduled to work 3 hours today and I spent a little over a third of that trying to make this catering delivery bc there was No information about how I’m supposed to deliver to this Lenovo building that requires an employee badge to enter

and I didn’t have any contact info on who exactly ordered it either and I had to spend Way too long running around figuring it out and I’m internally screaming bc by the time it was finally delivered it was like. 40 minutes late. and I was worried the customer and my boss would both be mad abt it taking so long

but all the employees I talked to seemed very chill and when I finally got back to the cafe (15 minutes before I was scheduled to clock out, lol) my co-workers were like “yeah that happens sometimes, it’s an adventure” and my boss was just like “oh next time that happens just give me a call” and apparently everything’s fine

the best part though is like. I make $13/hour, right. so today I made $39. Since I made the delivery I get to keep the delivery fee+tip — which was about $36 total. I basically got paid for a regular 6-hour shift and mostly all I did was drive around a lot, lmao

#job stuff

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stevestonbike · 9 months

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More General Stuff.

My MET average has grown to 1799.9 MET minutes per week averaged over the whole year to date. Good for me! Yes I rode my usual loop last night, but some news items caught my attention this morning so let's talk about that.

One is that diabetes medicine Semaglutide has proved effective in reducing risk of cardiac disease by 20%. A real double blind study too. But it works by making people less hungry so they eat less and do not snack and therefore lose weight. It is expensive and this boutique use increases demand and makes it less available to diabetics. Drug companies rejoice!

Years ago I was a very busy person and started to skip lunch. Eventually I usually skipped lunch and my body stopped being hungry at lunch time. I was not concerned about weight or fitness so I did nothing else. My point is I did not feel hungry at a time I usually did before. No drugs involved, just a stupid workload.

The disease fighting mechanism above is eating less. Not the actual drug burning fat. Just thought I would emphasize that.

I have to admit my fitness thing is kinda bipolar. I spend my workdays typing and mousing and spreadsheeting away on the computer. Three times a week I go hard on the bike to make up for that. I got a fitness watch to remind me to get up and walk around at work, as 7 hours motionless from the chest down is not good. I sometimes pay attention when it beeps and says "MOVE."

Off my bike I am a potato. I rationalize that extremes of activity prepares the body for being stupid ready. Ya that is a total rationalization.

In even slightly more pathetic news apparently 2500 steps per day also reduced risk of Cardiac Death by 20%. Who needs 10,000? Yes a real study done in the UK. You can get fit by being lazy active. Actually that fitness watch nag is to do 250 steps every hour for nine hours so not quite even 2500.

The steps criteria is really a poor measure. I know there is a huge difference walking in one shot at a good pace versus spreading it out over a full day a tiny bit at a time. My wife does 10 k fitness walks in about 90 minutes. That is about 13,000 steps at her stride. She had to work up to that and it is an effort.

My Saturday ride covered 108 km and I got "credit" for 12,614 steps on the day. If I had walked that distance it would have been more like 110,000 steps.

Oh for the mathematically challenged you do not add 20% from drugs and 20% from walking to get 40% healthier. It would be more like 36% if they have a linear cumulative effect.

All in being active at anything is better than not. The human body wants to move, it was built for that. Our ancient ancestors walked miles per day hunting for food. I bet even a McDonalds Burger would be good for you if you walked 5 miles to get it.

So for the next few weeks I need to book moderately long distances. Part is just maintenance, part is making long days in the saddle more routine. My ass was getting quite sore coming down that FN hill.

This is my "summer" shape.

#fitblr #bikeblr #old man on a bike #pedal dammit #cycling in vancouver #cycling #fitness #semaglutide

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saintmeghanmarkle · 9 months

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Lady C Tea YouTube 7/25/23 (a few nuggets paraphrased by me) by u/daisybeach23

Lady C Tea YouTube 7/25/23 (a few nuggets paraphrased by me) Greetings from Castle Goring!Lady C, its calms me greatly that the democrats are not taking Meghan’s calls and they are not going to be taken in by her. I heard she had several meetings with Gavin Newsom because she wants to be appointed to Diane Feinstein’s senate seat. This astonishes me. She wants Gordon Getty to help her. I am so nervous. She is a malignant person and will never stop. Do not be worried. From what I have been hearing in the last 36 hours. I understand that Gavin Newsom is fed up with Meghan trying to get the remaining term for Diane Feinstein which comes along with access to the Intelligence committee. This means she would have access to sensitive information worldwide and paid security. Newsom is sick of her. Meghan has misunderstood the situation. First of all, the democrats view Meghan as a loose cannon. Second, Gavin Newsom was Gordon Getty’s son’s good friend. Meghan is delusional. According to my source who has close ties to the democrats, Newsom has blocked her from his mobile phone and told aides to not connect her calls.Lady C, OMG here we go again with breaking news Meghan and Harry are moving to Malibu due to all these projects she has. I read that Meghan wants to replicate Oprah’s career by having a talk show, a media empire, then making a triumphant return to the silver screen! How are the Sussexes going to buy a house in Malibu when they are cash poor right now? Who is going to bankroll Meghan’s career? Not Gordon Getty from what I hear. Tyler Perry? I am told Tyler’s interest lie elsewhere. Oprah Winfrey? Oprah is well known for financing her own interests. She is very much quid pro quo. She has achieved what Meghan would like to achieve. Oprah was an actress, but never a star. Are you hearing anything from your contacts? I am hearing that Meghan is hitting brick walls. I am reading that Meghan is tearing her (paid for) hair out. Nobody loves Megsy baby anymore 😥😥😥😥😥 The idea that Meghan Markle will be a power player in Hollywood is ludicrous. She does not have the talent, the depth, personality, intelligence, knowledge, she does not have the character. She is only as good as #6 on the call sheet and when she was made aware that her contract was in danger, she decided to go to England to get a spot on “Made on Chelsea.” And when that didn’t work, she decided she wanted a rich English husband. And she landed a Prince. When she realized the life wasn’t as grand as she wanted, she scooped him up to America to fill 16 lavatories with substances they are both abundant in. I think she has been a total failure.Lady C, I thought the Harkle’s have separated and hair plugs went to Africa? I think we are seeing red herrings everywhere we look. There are red herrings everywhere. Harry is in Africa. Meghan is going to knock Oprah off her perch. They are separating. They are moving to Malibu. We are bombarded. However, their antics are bringing to our attention that we must value our liberties. Our rights to express our opinions in a lawful manner.Lady C, spends a long time talking about Coutts Bank revealing how people are being abused by powerful entities. She talks about how YouTube has been instrumental in getting out information to the public because the mainstream media is controlled by a small group of people.Also, apologies not posting her last few videos, I was away. You didn’t miss much other than she did drop a little nugget to say Meghan and Harry are beginning to get their comeuppance. She says the big ones are yet to happen and to not ask her for more than that. She also said the democrats prefer to align themselves with King Charles and Prince William and feel Meghan and Harry's agenda is too extreme.Toodles Sinners! post link: https://ift.tt/2mCt0Qf author: daisybeach23 submitted: July 27, 2023 at 02:36AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit

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mothmx · 1 year

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Vent// cw for transitional healthcare stuff, surgery mentions, Sad Trans Hours, you get the jist.

So uh. I’m kinda feeling hopeless.

I did the research to figure out how much all the gender affirming treatments I’m planning are going to cost total. And at a $15 per hour job, I’d need 17 to 36 weeks of work saved to even come close to affording it. And that’s not taking tax or necessary stuff into consideration, that’s in a fantasy world where I can save all the money I make in a week without spending any.

And some of these aren’t just gender affirming— I’m probably going to need some of them for medical reasons (family history).

#vent #probably going to delete later #don’t reblog #trans #transmasc #transition stuff #:(

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your-cryin-fool · 1 year

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Aaa! Your tattoos sound really cool! I love the fact that the George one is in his handwriting, what a great detail! While i was getting my last tattoo, I was thinking about what I could get next-- and I know I went a bit in to that in the message, but I do think I'd like something LotR someday as well, although I'm not sure what. Maybe the white tree of Gondor.

Ooo NZ sounds like that was a great trip! I haven't ever been that far from home. That must have been an insanely long plane ride (or a few long ones!)

I'd say I have a few favorite trips. The first is, I was sent to Denmark for work a couple of years ago, so even though it was for work-- it was Denmark! We were down in Jutland. We got in on a Saturday (to the red eye from Boston to Amsterdam then from there to Billund), so I dragged my work group to the Lego museum. That Sunday, we drove to Germany in to Flensburg, and had breakfast in a little Cafe and walked around one of the inlets of the Baltic sea. Everything was so beautiful!

The other favorite trips are not necessarily places. My bf and I usually take a road trip each summer so we go all sorts of random places. This past summer we drove to Arkansas via Atlantic City and Virginia, and after Arkansas, we drove up to Ohio to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Last year, we drove to Kentucky and then to Point Pleasant, Virginia to go see the Mothman museum. From there we went to DC and spent a few days hitting the museums.

Honestly though-- it doesn't really matter where we go! I love spending the time with him in the car because we talk for days while we're driving and we laugh and laugh at the dumbest shit. We also try to hit up any big roadside attractions if they look super corny or any really big truck stops that might have fun stuff. We always buy a magnet for whatever state we're in so we are building a map of the US made out of our travel magnets.

I think going to the U.K. would be a great trip! I'd like to go there one day. I'd also love to go to Greece and see all the ancient places and the Mediterranean.

Winter makes me think of nice warm places (like the Mediterranean lol!) Have you had snow yet this year? We got a couple inches yesterday (and though I'm from the northeast, my gosh, I dislike the snow!)

It was a very long trip there and back, the total travel time was like 36 hours? Partly because there was a 9 hour layover but I don't regret going, and honestly even flying wasn't bad for that long, it was definitely a good sleep after I got there though haha

All of those road trips sound super fun! I love that you guys have all those adventures and do so much fun stuff with each other! I feel like road trips in general are underappreciated!

We did get a crazy snowstorm here a few weeks ago but it melted shortly after, I'm in Canada so it's always expected to have a couple bad snowstorms during the year, I don't mind it too much, I prefer having snow on Christmas, any other time, not so much 😂 I like fall and spring - the in between seasons

Is summer your favourite season or do you prefer others?

#srs22

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mariolandavid · 2 years

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Siem Reap

I want to preface this post by saying that I am typing it from a laundromat in Cebu, The Philippines. Probably over a month later, and 3 countries after the events... oops. We've been busy living, I guess!

The bus ride to Siem Riep was surprisingly pleasant, and it included two stops in the obligatory tourist spots with quirky wooden figures and a plethora of weird snacks. And a beautiful terrace looking out into rice fields, which after the bleakness of Phnom Penh feels lovely. Just to see some countryside again, something a bit more clean, makes us excited to get to Siem Riep.

Most people, when visiting this part of the country, take a quick plane from Ho Chi Minh and spend a total of 36 hours in this historical place. They arrive, get picked up at 4am the next morning to go to the temples, then fly back to Vietnam straight away or early the next day. We wanted to do something different, so we scheduled a 5 day stay in Siem Riep. Thanks to my powers of persuasion, those 5 days were split as follows:

- 3 nights in Mad Monkey, a hostel chain we've grown to appreciate with helpful staff and clean facilities. The room was a definite upgrade from the one in the Big Easy, with two huge beds and a direct access to the pool.

- 2 nights in a beautiful (almost empty) 4 star resort, called Navutu, with breakfast inclusive and 3 pools.

Our plan was mainly to soak in culture for 3 days, and then have a relax and a tan.

As we arrived in the hostel, after walking with our backpacks for 20 minutes due to our refusal to be ripped off by tuktuks, we knew it was going to be a chill afternoon. You need those sometimes, a time to lay down on the hostel sofas and scroll for a few hours. Or a couple hours of sorting and re-packing your backpack. That was our first night in Siem Riep: we did our laundry, met some couple from New Zealand who told us their favourite things were hiking and getting drunk, had some beers and shots (standard welcome drink fare) and went for dinner close to the Mad Monkey to a Khmer Restaurant.

Keen to see as much as possible in the Angkor Wat complex, which actually contains 3000 temples (possibly more, but they cannot be excavated due to landmines - 30% of the country is covered in them-) and extends 1.62 square kilometres, we'd booked a 2 day tour that included the following temples:

Angkor Wat

Angkor Thom

Ta Prohm

Preah Khan

Neak Pean

Banteay Srei

Pre Rup

We learnt that at the time of its 'discovery' by a Chinese scholar, it was estimated that up to 1 million people had lived in the Angkor Wat complex. The Khmer empire, which extended to Thailand and Laos, was bigger than the Byzantine empire.

Our guide for these tours was called Sak, and he was glad to be back in a job now that tourism had returned. Originally from Siem Riep, he'd had to move to the countryside to work with his father on their farm during the pandemic, and despite being excited to be back in his hometown, he also remarked how different, how much more western, Siem Riep had become. And it was true, really, there were foreign bars and restaurants everywhere, non stop clubs, and foreigner focused markets all over. It was easier to get around than Phnom Penh, that was for sure...

The next morning we were picked up bright and early, with our first stop being Banteay Sreay, or the pink temple due to the fact that it was built with a different stone from the rest of the temple complex. Not only that, but because of its location deep in the forest, it was extremely well preserved and the beautifully delicate stone carvings could still be observed to this day. It was a strong start, made even better by the realisation that compared to pre-Covid times, the temple complex was relatively empty. There were no huge queues, no large groups of tourists to navigate, no weaving around selfie sticks to get a good shot. David had visited the temples in 2005, and he was shocked by how few visitors there were on the day. We practically had this temple, and the subsequent ones, almost to ourselves, as groups of visitors spread out and enjoyed a slower tour pace.

In the first day of tour, we shared a bus with a Polish man who lived in Bangkok and was visiting for the weekend, a Londoner who was actually volunteering in a school and would soon move to Vauxhall (neighbours!) , and a Brazilian/Spanish family who could speak 4 languages each. There was also an older Indian man, a farmer, who spoke fervently in favour of Rishi Sunak (despite not living in the UK), and a couple from Berlin.

That first day we also visited Pre Rup, a funeral temple that was also a mausoleum, and Preah Khan, an impressive large temple which was used for Buddhist teachings. We got to know more about the 'flipflops' from Hindu to Buddism in the Angkor culture, and the effect these changes had on how the temples were built and eventually used. There was also much climbing of stairs, which, coupled with the heat, means you do end up the day exhausted - but you better be ready to do it all again the next day!

When we arrived in Mad Monkey, exhausted and dusty, folks were sinking shots, a DJ was spinning, and they were getting the crowd ready for a big pub crawl. With only one sentence, "Sorry we're doing the sunrise tour tomorrow", the crowds parted and let us slink back into our room, as we would be getting picked up at 4am. Funnily enough, when we were waiting for our pick up that next day (in the middle of a city wide blackout, cute), a number of hostel guests were rolling back in from the Siem Riep clubs, and wished us a great day.

We'd panic-bought all our tickets and passes the first day we arrived, so as to not delay the bus tour on the way to the Angkor Wat sunrise. Nevermind, most of the new people sharing our bus (a group of 4 spaniards, a guy from Malaysia, and a british couple), had not, so we still had to wait in the van whilst munching on our 7/11 breakfast. A few of the people from the day before were also on the van, so we could continue catching up and sharing travel stories.

I expected the sunrise at Angkor Wat, the biggest and most iconic of Khmer temples, to be absolutely mobbed. After all, the temple is on the Cambodian flag, currency, is photographed incessantly, and if I remember correctly, even used to celebrate the new year. It's an absolute marvel. As you explore it, it grows in size, and it's beauty becomes even more pronounced when you stop and consider how on earth they built it in the 12th Century. There were no lifts to construct these towers, there was no machinery to pull these rocks. No, this absolute unit of a temple (honouring death, apparently!), was built by sheer human labour in the space of 3 months. Reportedly 300,000+ people, and more than a few elephants were involved in its construction.

Angkor Wat, we learned, is still the largest religious site in the world. The Khmers chose this location, surrounded by water, as the pressure of the underground rivers and lagoons would stabilise and hold up its incredible height.

For sunrise, all visitors line up just before a small lagoon, and we jostle for camera angles to catch the reflection on the water. Given we didn't choose the best time to visit Cambodia (we'd really centered the whole trip around Australia and New Zealand at first... the 3 months in South East Asia were a small extra that kept growing and growing...), the sunrise wasn't perfectly clear, but it was still an incredible sight. The red light that is so famous, that appears behind the three towering towers, is actually exceedingly rare to witness, so we were happy with our blue and purple view.

We then spent a couple hours in the temple, learning and following the stone carvings in the hallways that talk about the various battles, and depict the ruler King Suryvarman II , which they believe asked for this massive temple to be built as his mausoleum.

After Angkor Wat we visited Ta Prohm, the jungle temple (which appeared in Tomb Raider!), an old Hindu site which has almost been taken over by nature. The trees have sunk its deep roots on the stone, so deep that scientists have injected it with chemicals to stop it growing and destroying the structure of the building. You definitely have to step carefully to avoid tripping over a loose rock or a tree branch.

Ta Prohm is a beautiful sight, and it's no surprise that it's become incredibly famous. It's a real, living reminder, that humans have been trying to fight back nature for centuries, and the realisation that most of the time, nature ends up winning.

We ended the tour with Angkor Thom, a huge flat building with endless hallways that was still in good shape and still had an active Buddhist 'shrine', and the Bayon temple, which had been David's favourite all those years ago. Bayon's magnificence are these hundreds (thousands?) of smiling buddha faces at the top of every tower and column. These stones, huge in size, are everywhere you look in this dizzying maze-like building, and their expressions aren't always very friendly... we got lost trying to recreate a photo David had taken 17 years ago, and actually had to call up our guide to help us get out. Photos don't capture how absolutely massive and labyrinthine these places are.

This second day was absolutely exhausting. With the early wake up and the constant walking, listening, and exploring, it's no surprise we crashed at the hostel when we arrived. After a nap, we explored 'Pub street', Siem Reap's strip of bars, clubs, and restaurants that cater to all tourists (and not just English ones as the name would suggest!). Holding onto our desire to eat Cambodian food in Cambodia, we went to the Khmer Kitchen and had Prahok Ling and Lok Lake, and then I somehow convinced David to have a massage in one of the dozens of massage parlours that line the streets. It was glorious (And hilarious).

The next couple of days in Siem Reap were pure relaxation bliss. We stayed in Navutu Dreams resort, in a huge room with our own terrace, double sinks, and massive shower. There were not a lot of people in the resort when we went, so most of the time we had an entire pool to ourselves, and spent quite a lot of time on the Balinese beds eating spring rolls and drinking delicious fresh fruit juices.

For activities, we attended a surprisingly difficult Yoga class, and booked to attend Kanell, a dinner with a traditional dance performance for our last night in Cambodia. The food was prepared by the Kimsan twins, who run the Embassy kitchen a famous restaurant with Michelin-grade food, and the stand out dish was a roasted chicken with red ant sauce. The dishes were served in between the different dances, and unless you wolfed down your food at a professional speed, at some point you had to choose between watching what you were eating, or watching the dancing. It was a fun experience, and would recommend attending if you're planning on visiting Siem Riep.

As a whole, I'd say Siem Riep deserves more than the 1 day Angkor Wat flying visit that some people seem to do. There's a landmine museum, many more temples than you can take in, and even a well-rated circus! Its liveliness, markets, and easy walkability was a contrast to Phnom Penh's slight seediness, but it's also very obviously a 'tourist town', which isn't very authentic.

It's hard to advocate for yourself when you're between Vietnam and Thailand, but we left Cambodia wishing we'd spent some more time visiting its countryside and beaches, and giving it more of a chance instead of being a 'genocide and temples' place. Maybe next time. For now, Thailand awaits....

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xogucciblue · 2 years

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[[[look away -- I'm EMOTIONAL and just need to vent my embarrassing sappiness somewhere ]]]

My big bang fic has been up for 36 hours and it already has 367 hits, 27 kudos, and 16 bookmarks. My fic post has more notes than I have followers. By a lot of people's standards this is nothing, but by my standards it's genuinely shocking. I wrote this fic entirely for myself and had kind of counted on being the only reader.

When I decided I was going to write this I was stuck in the middle of one of the worst depressive episodes I've ever gone through and I was completely floundering. I needed something that I could use as an escape, something fun and entertaining and comforting, some little world I could build for myself and crawl into when I needed to turn my brain off. Writing had been that for me when I was growing up but, paradoxically, as I got older and my mental health got worse I started drifting away from it. By the time I set my mind to writing this fic I hadn't completed a project that wasn't required for school or work in almost eight years. So I decided I was going to write this fic, and I was going to finish this fic, and I was going to publish this fic, and if those three things happened it would be a success.

I signed up for the big bang for accountability, otherwise it would be just another half done project languishing in my google drive. I also signed up for the big bang because I knew I'd need a kick in the ass to accomplish the "publish the fic" part of my goal, I needed to be unable to wimp out. I came to this fandom when I was 15 years old, a few months after Harry's first X-Factor audition aired. Between 2010 and 2016 I was SUPER active on here and on Twitter. Then in 2016 I started law school, scrubbed the internet of my fandom presence, and spent 4 years lurking silently. In those early years I did a lot of writing, little passion projects that I really enjoyed and was really proud of, but for the most part I was too scared to post any of it anywhere. The few things I did work up the courage to publish I orphaned almost immediately.

I was SO convinced I wasn't "good enough" and that I would "embarrass myself" by posting something that didn't immediately become fandom famous. I let it stand in the way of an activity that had once brought me a great deal of joy. I didn't want that to happen here, I didn't want to spend all this time creating a work I was really proud of and whose creation I found a lot of comfort in only to post it and get so in my head about the metrics that I soured the whole experience for myself. So I did A LOT of work with my therapist on letting go of any expectations and writing (actually, physically writing down) my own definitions for success in this scenario. By the time my posting date was coming up I had gotten myself to the point where I can say with total honesty that if I had not gotten one single hit I still would be proud of the fic I wrote, and I'd still be planning to write (and finish and publish!!!) the sequel (the 2018 leg) and the 2 one shots (set in the break between legs) that I already have planned.

But now it is getting hits, and it is getting kudos and bookmarks and comments, and a few people have left reviews in the tags of their fics post reblogs, and with every single one my heart just soars. Not because I'm "successful" now or because this must mean I'm "good enough" but because the comments I've gotten have been about the comfort and the joy that other people got from reading it. The idea that my little fic, this little passion project I wrote quite literally as a way to keep myself safe, might be providing a similar escape to anyone else, is overwhelming. I feel so honored to provide that for anyone else who may need it.

So if you've read my big bang fic (and managed to read this entire novella), thank you. Thank you for taking the time to look into a fic written by an unknown author when there are so many people putting out so much great content every day. And if you've left me kudos or reblogged or liked my post, thank you. And if you've commented thank you isn't enough, but I'll say it anyway - thank you. If you feel like subscribing I'll have two one shots and a second part up soon, and I'm participating in two more fests this summer and fall. And if you don't that's also fine, those are just for me, too.

#TTCATC #my writing #my brain was too loud #i needed to get these thoughts out somewhere so i could focus on anything else

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