#do these people think im looking for actual medical advice???????

[rohirric-hunter]

I've been trying to put this into words for a while now and I think I might have something -- most of the time when people examine storytelling tropes, especially experts in a related field, especially historians and medical professionals, they are setting out to disprove the trope.

Even if they're not, once they find some evidence that the trope doesn't work in real life or isn't how it was done historically, they often expect that to be the end of the conversation. Historically, people did not go adventuring with two-handed greatswords strapped to their backs -- and therefore you should not have it happen in your fiction, and the conversation ends there. In real life, having a character get hit so hard on the head that they pass out for several hours would demand immediate medical intervention and likely cause permanent brain damage -- and therefore you should not have it happen in your fiction. End of discussion.

These people fail, I think, to understand the reason these tropes exist. It is not because people are just uneducated and think that's how things work. In fact, I would go out on a limb and say far more people are already aware of these things than these experts assume. The attraction of the trope doesn't come from the belief that it is accurate.

These tropes exist because it is widely agreed that they are cool, sexy, emotionally fulfilling, narratively convenient, or any number of other things that really have nothing to do with whether or not they are accurate to reality. I'm not quite sure what it is about most of these experts that makes them unable to understand that, or unwilling to play the game that the rest of us engage in, where we all quietly pretend that it does work because it's harmless and enjoyable.

Really the only people I've ever seen who understand that and try to work their own expertise on the subject into the tropes in a cohesive and satisfying way are Shadiversity on YouTube and blumineck on here. Both in the martial arts categories, which ties mostly into history -- I've yet to find a medical professional online who's willing to play the game.

#on a totally unrelated note #if anyone knows when someone has fallen into freezing water and is at risk for hypothermia #all the articles i can find online say to get them warm and change them into dry clothes #but none of them say what to do if you dont have any dry clothes #is it better to leave them in their wet things until you can get some dry clothes or take them out of the wet things #even if you dont have any dry clothes to put them in #yes i KNOW theyre probably just going to die at this point if thats what you were thinking then you have no sense of narrative tension #and yes i KNOW this is why you always take a change of clothes whenever youre going hiking in the cold #the clothes fell into the freezing water too OKAY #sorry if this is like aggressive but im so tired of hearing the same few responses that dont actually answer my question #do these people think im looking for actual medical advice??????? #im writing a story! the characters are going in the Situation whether they like it or not #im not planning for my own life just in case i ever find myself in this situation #the fact that i thought of it for the story ought to tell you ive already thought of how to prevent it for myself

[inkskinned]

im having a particularly terrible night with urges and imagery that i dont know how to handle. i gave in to some things. held back on some others. but im barely holding on, dear internet stranger.

you do not owe me your time or your words.. but if you could write some hope into existence for me.. i would be unendingly grateful to you.

please. tell me how you do it. tell me how you survive. because im not so sure i can get through the fifteen days it'll take to get to my seventeenth birthday.

could you please give me something to place my faith in? i dont think the universe is watching out for me anymore.

i don't usually answer these, because i am not a professional, and you deserve professional help. when i was 17 i was terrified of the idea of professional help, because my household was extremely unsafe, and made it clear that if i ever chose to get help, i would be punished for it.

i hope this is not your case. i hope that you can call someone, and they can take you where you should go.

but i will give you the advice that i wish i got, when i couldn't get help at 17, when i was so bad that years later, i literally don't-know-how-i-survived it: what you want is peace, not death. your brain is sick. it has romanticized an ending where there are no consequences. where effort isn't necessary. where you can just... forget.

you want peace. that is a normal, human thing to want. maybe it feels more like you want quiet. or just... to take a break for a second.

here is what i will say: to end yourself means you never get to experience what it's like to actually be happy. i thought i knew what it was like, and i was bitter about it. i'd say - i've been happy, it's not worth it, because i didn't know what i was missing. i thought that happiness meant having a partner or having a job or money or a college degree. it sounded like effort. it sounded like something that had to happen to me.

for the first time in my life, just this week, i was able to go to a concert and just-enjoy-it. no liquor, no drugs. just stomping my feet and getting caught up in it. i didn't feel nervous or self-conscious or overwhelmed. i just had a good time. these days have a lot of these firsts for me - it is the first time i can eat cake without crying. it is the first time i can be around an exacto blade without supervision. it is the first time i have too many people to call when i am crying.

i can't tell you where you'll run into happiness, only that, for me, it started once i was out of that fucking house. it started once i figured out where the pain was coming from. once i figured out that i was not possessed, something medical was wrong with me. that i am not stupid or lazy, i have depression and adhd. the first few years were difficult. at 19, during my efforts to recover, i actually got worse by a considerable margin. and then, with time and patience - i got better.

happiness doesn't feel like what you think it will. in movies it's so golden and all-encompassing. but it doesn't fly into your hands when you buy your first car nor does it arrive in the arms of a partner nor does it require passing your classes. happiness came to me on a tuesday in the form of a red-winged blackbird, and i looked at her, and she looked at me, and i said - oh. the whole world suddenly filled itself in with color. like i had been forever-asleep. like every corner of every room was suddenly glistening.

it ended quickly, back then. it just stopped in to check in on me. but it was enough - this thing i had never experienced, but that i knew (logically) could happen. before that, i was only staying because it would make my mom sad if i died. that was my only reason. and then the happiness came, so strange and brilliant and lovely that for years i couldn't even look at it directly.

these days, things are so different. life is so much easier. i don't wish for death because so much of what i have is already at peace. my boss understands when i need a mental health day. people in general are less prone to high school drama. entire communities hold my hand and have my number. i have a car and a dog and a little apartment garden and candles on all available surfaces and today i bought myself a little cake just-to-celebrate-nothing. my body is my own and we are both dancing.

there are so many things i've gotten to taste in the last 10 years. i know, for you, that is an eon, because it's more than half of your life. but if it helps? in the 5 years between 17-21: i filled myself with laughter and love. i got to be a lead in a ballet and got my first tattoo and then my second and pierced my ears the way i'd wanted to (one of them professionally the other over a hot stove with a potato) and i discovered hozier is my favorite singer (i know. he was new back then) and i got my first real job and my first real paycheck and i hadn't ever been seen as smart but then i started to actually treat my adhd as a condition rather than a burden and people started saying you're like the smartest person in the room and my best friend met her husband who i will one day stand next to as maid of honor when he is her groom and i got to help people and make a stupid blog called "inkskinned" and find out that writing is actually my passion and that maybe i'm actually kind of good at it if i just practice and i got to meet my parents' dog (his name is kaiju) and i slept on couches and kissed people and tried new things and learned how to breathe without feeling my chest tighten and that peace is here, on this planet, that peace echoes everywhere, it is in my hair and my homework and my houseplants, it is quiet and divine and mine because i fought for it and i built it and yes i lost hair over it but holy shit the whole world feels like it is shifted through a sunbeam

recently someone asked me if i could go back in time to 6th grade, with all the knowledge i have now, would i? and without thinking, i barked absolutely not. i know i should say it's because i wouldn't want to risk losing any of this stuff - but really it's because i would never survive being a teenager again. it sounds incredibly lame and impossible, fake - but being a teenager was the hardest thing i ever did. i had no voice, no control, only fear and hatred.

but i did survive it. nothing about me is special. nothing about me is stronger than you or better prepared or more efficient. i didn't survive it perfectly. i made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of friends and harmed myself in ways that i'm still recovering from. but i did survive it. and there is a part of me looking at you in the past and saying - i'm you in the future.

and holy shit. every day. every goddamn day i'm glad we survived to see the rest of it. because you hit 18 and everything changes. like, everything. and holy shit, it is infinitely worth it.

#i hope you are okay #i wish i could help more #i hope the pain eases soon #and i hope that you stay #ps . to those of you reading this thinking i should help you too: please just dm me #it makes me really #really really scared when it's anonymous #bc i cant check in with u #i am not a professional and i am not actually good at helping ppl through their troubles #this is an exception bc they are 16 #not the rule #ps if u misunderstand ''being a teenager is the hardest thing i ever did'' when i mention briefly that i was in unsafe housing... #trust me. it was worse there. by like A HUGE margin #every person raised in unsafe housing nodding their head like . oh yeah worse stuff TECHNICALLY happened after but leaving that home was #legit the hardest thing i ever did

[paper-mario-wiki]

hey, can I ask you for some advice? sorry if this is uncalled for or you just can't answer this, I understand if so

how did you work up the courage to actually get to HRT so fast? I've found out I was a trans woman around when I was 15 and im about to have my 23rd birthday, and due to my financial/working/academic/housing (I live w my fairly conservative parents) situation it does not look like it's in the cards for me any time soon. but also I feel like I should just try to find a way and try to start out ASAP, for the sake of my own happiness. but also im afraid of whatll happen if things go Topsy turvy and I need housing from a family that thinks I'm a freak. how did you do it? again, apologies if this ask feels unwarranted or to big to ask to "Funny lady play tf2 dot blog", but I'm fine if this doesn't see an answer

First of all, I don't have insurance, so keep in mind that I did it out of pocket (note: I am broke).

I used Zocdoc (America only, sorry) to find a hormone therapy consultation, went to that appointment, and they referred me to an endocrinologist. After I got some blood tests done, I got prescribed a 30 day supply of sublingual Estradiol for about $16, again, without insurance. Now, this is of course in Biden's Seattle so it might not be as easy where you are. But at least for me, the process from booking the first appointment, all the way to taking the first pill was about half a month, because I got lucky finding a doctor. During covid, according to my endocrinologist, there was a HUGE explosion of people wanting to medically transition, so a very common thing I've heard is that a lot of doctors are booked out for months. I was lucky enough to get this appointment on Sep 1st, because the next person available in my area wouldnt have gotten me in until November.

Critically, here's my main piece of advice: You can't start until you take the first real action towards accomplishing it outside of your head. You can think, and plan, and crystalize how great it would be if it happened, but you have to actually make the first step and google "HRT doctors in my area", and schedule an appointment. To do it, you must first do it. This goes for many things in life. Simply starting the processes instead of keeping them in my head had me accomplishing many things I never thought I actually would, like starting HRT, going to university in Japan, and moving to Seattle.

Many people like me, including maybe you, are really good at getting in your own head and thinking of every possible way something could go wrong, or could be denied to you. And you get so tied up in the reasoning that you forget about the Doing. To the best of your ability, try to stop thinking, and just start doing. Anything. Choose to do something that you have wanted to for a while. Just one thing. Doesn't have to be buying a plane ticket to France, or confessing a huge secret, maybe start with that thought you had the other day of "ya know I bet pottery on those big goofy wheels is fun" and google 'pottery wheels near me' and see where it takes you. It's easier than you'd think to try. And who knows, at the end of this process maybe you'll have a beautiful vase. Or, even better, a vase with a personality, flaws, and a new hobby that you're excited to get better at.

#anon

[catboybiologist]

Hi! I’m CatboyBiologist.

Formerly a femboy, now a trans woman just starting HRT, and a PhD student in molecular biology. I started using this online persona as a fun, shitposty way to explore gender a few years ago. I post selfies (generally sfw, but somewhat sexy, so minors and ppl who don’t like that have been warned), rambles about science, tutorials and advice from the stuff I’ve learned by being a femboy in the past, nature pictures, stuff about the ocean, my adorable grumpy little tortoise, and unsolicited opinions on random nerdy topics. Any pronouns are fine. I don’t plan to socially transition for a while, and still present as a man most of the time, so I’m used to whatever you wanna use for me (for now, I’ll update this if that changes). Please send me pictures of your pets or other cute animals in your life!

As a scientist, I’m also documenting my transition! This google sheet will be updated at least monthly. I also have additional metrics I’m keeping to myself, and pictures that go with this, but I’m not sharing them publicly yet. Keep in mind that this is just one person’s experience with HRT, and may not represent universal trends!

Adding a little something here, bc I think it was an interesting bit a writing: if you want to see me respond to a transphobe about what "biologically female" means, here's a thing I wrote about it. CW for transphobia and discussion, obviously.

Also, if any of my measurements look weird, its entirely possible I fucked up. Let me know if anything looks off!

Here’s some of my favorite pre-HRT pictures:

If you want to see more of my pre-HRT selfies, browse the “femboy” tag on my blog!

And as of this writing, I’m only 2 days after the start of HRT, so here’s a picture with my tortoise that’s technically post-HRT (but with 0 time for actual changes):

If you want to see my future post-HRT selfies, browse the “trans selfie” tag on my blog!

Also here's another really cute picture and fanart of my tortoise by @whalesharkcat:

I have affectionately given my tortoise the title of The Grumpus.

I also wrote a couple of tutorials and general vibes about being a femboy before I started HRT:

Sometimes I make shitposts of myself, I don’t take myself too seriously:

This includes the way I came out on tumblr:

And here’s an overly serious, long ramble about trans thoughts and things that I wrote shortly afterwards:

Later addition: Someone asked how I take selfies, so I wrote a quick and dirty guide with some tips on how I do so in response to their ask:

Oh yeah and apparently I was a 196 microcelebrity? I never to thought I was popular enough for that but apparently some people do 🤷‍♀️. So uh, hi 196 tags, I'm abusing you for my pinned post LOL

As for terminology, I personally do think of myself as a “man who is becoming a woman” as opposed to having always been a woman. If that doesn’t resonate with your experience, I totally get that! But that’s why I freely call pre-HRT me a femboy, while still calling post-HRT me a trans woman. I’m also keeping the blog name as CatboyBiologist for the forseeable future, because at this point, Catboy just seems like a gender neutral term to me.

I’m also trying to put together a script for a podcast regarding how studying biology influenced my perspective on sex and gender- lmk if there’s any interest in that! It’s probably gonna be way too long and indulgent but oh well.

So uh. Yeah. I don’t end these types of things well. Byeeeeee

#196 #r196 #r/196 #rule #/r/196 #trans #transitioning #trans woman #trans femme #tortoise #tort #russian tortoise #trans tutorial #trans tummy tuesday #transgender #trans tumblr #trans selfie #trans journal

[transmascissues]

hey, sorry idk if its ok for me to ask for advice here, but im really lost and dont know where else to go.

i might be starting testosterone really soon, (via informed consent) but i keep flipping back and forth on whether or not i'm sure i want it. some days i think, "yes 100% im a man i want T right now" and thinking abt the effects of T makes me euphoric. other days i think, "wait AM i sure tho? what if it turns out i hate it actually" and thinking abt the effects of T on those days makes me anxious and ambivalent.

i think it might be just a fear of change, but i'm not sure, and i'm worried about making a decision i'll regret forever. it doesnt help i keep seeing ppl say things like "you need to be 100% sure you want hrt before u start because going back and forth puts a huge strain on the body" etc, but i dont know if i ever will be 100% sure.

what do you make of this? do i really need to be 100% sure? am i rushing in too fast? or is this just anxiety talking?

i spent years agonizing over if i was really sure that i wanted to start t, and you know what it taught me?

no one is ever 100% sure about anything. it’s an impossible task. that’s just not how people work — you’re always going to find more things to be anxious or unsure about when you think about it because it’s an unknown thing and it’s completely natural to be at least a little unsure of unknown things.

and most of the time, nobody expects you to be 100% sure about big decisions because we all know it’s an unfair expectation. nobody told me i couldn’t go to college because i wasn’t 100% sure where i wanted to go. nobody tells you to never drive anywhere because you’re not 100% sure that the car won’t crash. accepting risk is a part of life. trusting ourselves to make the best decisions we can — and trusting ourselves to be able to handle whatever happens next — is an unavoidable part of life.

the only reason we’re held to that impossible standard of 100% certainty when it comes to medically transitioning is because people are transphobic and they want us to second guess ourselves and put off hormones or surgery out of fear. if everyone waited until they were 100% sure, no one would ever transition, and that’s exactly what they want.

i look at it like this: hormones are like any other medication. you take them because you decide they have a good shot at making your life better even though there’s also a chance they might be ineffective, have bad side effects, or even make things worse in the end. we accept that risk every time we take a medication because we weigh the options and decide the good that could come of them is worth that risk. imagine if doctors only offered medical care to people when they were 100% sure it would work and not have any side effects — they would never do anything at all!

i can’t tell you if hrt is right for you. i can’t tell you if the risk is worth it for you. what i can tell you is that, when i was unsure about what to do, there were two things that made me decide it was worth the risk:

the first is that i knew i wanted to give myself a chance. the idea of going on hormones only to get more dysphoria from it sounded terrifying, but the reality was that i was already living with dysphoria! and the idea of just accepting that because i was afraid to try the thing that could make it better was even more terrifying. at the end of the day, i decided it was better to choose the option that could make things better than it was to just spend the rest of my life wondering if it would’ve helped. the worst case scenario in both choices is dysphoria, so i figured, why not pick the option where the best case scenario is euphoria? i know dysphoria is something i can live with because i’ve been doing it for years, so i felt that i could trust myself to be able to deal with that outcome if it came. i knew it was possible that i would regret it and wish i had never started t, but i also knew i would regret it even more if i went my whole life never having given myself a chance at something better than the dysphoria i already live with. i figured, if i have to take a risk, why not take the one that excites me instead of the one i would just be taking out of fear?

the second is that hormones are fucking slow. there can be some changes that happen fast but for the most part, the changes on t take time to happen fully, and if i wanted even more time i knew i could take a lower dose to slow things down further. it’s not like you just wake up one day with a totally different body — it’s a process, and if at any point in that process you realize you don’t like what’s happening, you can stop! you’re completely in control; the second it starts to feel like it’s making something worse instead of better, you can decide to stop taking it. even with the changes that came quickest for me, i had time to assess as they started happening, and it would’ve been as simple as putting down the syringe and never using it again if i decided i didn’t want those changes to continue.

(and the people who say you can’t start and stop because of the strain on your body are exaggerating — i had to start and stop multiple times because i was having allergic reactions to all of the serums we tried, and i was totally fine. that was never even a concern my nurse brought up to me. i’m sure it’s not ideal to do that constantly, but i don’t think it’s a big thing you have to worry about.)

again, i can’t tell you if starting t is the right move for you. all of this is just how i made that decision for myself; i can’t make yours for you. what i can tell you is that you are more than capable of making a thoughtful and informed decision without being 100% sure. certainty is not a requirement.

and frankly, anyone who tells you they were 100% sure when they made that decision is either lying about it because they feel like they should’ve been totally certain, or they were in a position to make the decision so quickly that it didn’t leave time to mull things over and find things to be unsure of.

which leads me to my final point: if you’re thinking about it this hard and trying to be this meticulous about making the right decision, you’re absolutely not rushing into it. whatever decision you make, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

this is your decision, not anyone else’s, and already you have everything you need to make the best decision you possibly can. trust yourself to choose wisely, and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever your choice brings. you got this.

#this ended up much longer than i intended but i have a lot to say about it bc i was in the same place a couple years ago #ask answered #trans men #transmascs #hrt #testosterone

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys! Got an anon ask with some triggers, so I'm copying it here so I can put a 'read more.'

TW: ED, SH

Here's the original ask:

hey Cas!

hru today? <3

I rlly don’t wanna bother u but I just need some advice bc I’m in a pretty tricky situation and I don’t know who I couldn’t turn to who wouldn’t then tell OTHER people (adults etc)

also a TW b4 anyone reads further: ED (not me but a a friend) and generally bad mental health (including sh and sui)

Basically I have this friend (one of my best friends) who’s struggled with really bad mental health and attempted in the past (we weren’t friends during this time but they’ve shared it with me) they have told me they no longer sh but I’m not entirely sure if I believe him on that but I guess there’s nothing to do except just take their word for it and they are definitely doing better than they were before (about a year or two ago)

thing is this friend does still have a (pretty bad I think) ED (specifically I think they have anorexia but I’m really not sure because I don’t know that much about EDs. I’ve tried to do some research but it’s actually incredibly hard to find any info about them especially in terms of ways to emotionally show support. In a medical sense they always seemed to be talked about like minor things(?) idk it’s hard to explain but often times I’ve been reading actual factual medical stuff and just been disgusted at the ways it’s discussed, like they try so hard to describe it from a technical viewpoint that they essentially the entire mental health aspect of it which kind of demeans the whole thing bc EDs ARE a mental health disorder)

sorry went on a little side rant there but basically I’ve tried to find stuff out but it’s really hard to learn about the mental health aspect and even harder to find stuff out about how to HELP someone through an ED

I’ve even resorted to looking thru some more unsavoury places for info (including anablr), I know these types of places encourage EDs and I am actually not a person who really loves their body very much but I do think I’m in a strong enough place emotionally to do this (and so far I’ve been correct, I’m unaffected) because I just wanted some actual insight on what it’s like

the problem with my friend is that she’s ALREADY in therapy. Her parents put her in it when they found out about her vaping habit but they just lie all the time (she tells me about it) because they have like serious trust issues due to past trauma and I’m gonna be honest, I 100% believe therapy is a good thing but sadly it is also entirely useless if the person doesn’t make any effort to get better

all I can do in that aspect of it is hope the therapy is going better than the jokes he makes about it or that eventually she will feel comfortable enough to share and process her issues

in terms of the ED what im really lost with is how to help

and don’t get me wrong, I know you can’t really help a person who doesn’t want to be helped but honestly I’m not giving up on this person I care about that easily. I will NOT be another person in their life who abandons them for being ‘too much’ or ‘too difficult’. I’ve already accepted the fact that I will not be able to help them out of it really (as best as I can at least)

I’ve already taken to carrying gum and mints in my school bag as much as I can (usually I’ll have a pack of both and I just share them with everyone so this person doesn’t actually catch wind that they’re the reason I do as quite often when they skip lunch they do help themselves to a few of my mints or gum pieces but ik if they knew it was for them they’d stop bc she’s just like that)

I just don’t know how else to help emotionally though, I’m one of the only people (I might be the ONLY person at all) that they feel comfortable enough to talk to about these issues and I just think its better that they’re telling someone who cares about them and is trying to help than telling no one at all which seems to be the alternative. The issue is I don’t know how to respond or show support especially because (thank u trust issues and trauma (/s) the window of vulnerability is SMALL (I’m talking a couple of seconds literally) before they’re joking and changing the subject

Also a small (but frankly compared to the rest of this, not very important) detail is that like I previously mentioned I am also not suuuper happy with my body ( I don’t sh really or have an ED in any way shape or form) and sometimes the stuff he says slightly upsets me (just like once I told him about how my mean grandma told me I was fat and had to eat less and he said his grandma forces him to eat more and that my grandma ‘sounds like her wet dream’ - I know this was just a joke obviously but I didn’t rlly love it considering my grandma is a pretty big source of my looks based insecurities)

like I said in no way is it on the same level and obviously I know it’s not coming from a place of malice because this friend also really looks out for my mental health like way more than my other friends tbh (I don’t know if it’s bc they struggled with it or whether they’re the only one who seems to notice I’m the therapist friend haha but they are the FIRST person to ask if anything’s wrong if I’m acting different and I rlly want to stress that because I know that from what I’ve said so far they may have come across as selfish or something but they are actually one of the kindest people ever) that’s especially why I’m worried if I bring anything up about wanting to help with little things or especially anything about not being a fan of little jokes that she’ll just stop talking about it at all in an attempt to make me feel more comfortable)

for context for all of this, I’m 15 (we both are) so still in school and they’re parents absolutely SUCK (in the most non violent way possible I would like to kill them [not actually but I do really hate them and wish them only the worst]) so there’s no emotional support coming from home for him

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life because (for privacy reasons) they’ve asked me not to share it with like my other friends and I don’t have the greatest relationship with my parents (they’re not like abusive or neglectful or anything but we just have a lot of differences and just I’ve very much emotionally distanced myself from them)

sorry if this is too much because I do know it’s a really tricky situation and even though all of us sort of deify you, you’re still only one person and if this does make you uncomfortable or upset (not just if it’s triggering I mean just in general if you’re reading this and you don’t feel comfortable) in anyway please don’t force yourself to answer or feel guilty if you don’t because the last thing I’d want to do is put you in that kind of position

Im not sure if ill send in more anons but if I do then ill refer to myself (and you can call me) lacy anon so you know who I am (yes after the song bc i rlly love it haha)

Anyway sending lots and lots of love from the person who does basically look up to you as their adult role model and who I wanna be like when I’m older <3

Hi love! You're not bothering me at all!

So, first, I want to let you know that I am an adult, but when I say this, I hope you don't take it as...condescending, I guess? Because I don't mean it that way at all. I want to be realistic in the fact that these things you are dealing with are VERY grown-up and scary, and you are handling them in a remarkably mature way, but you are still legally fifteen.

This is way too much for a fifteen year old to take on.

You genuinely seem like the most amazing person. The fact that you have done research and carry around things for your friends, all to help them with their ED is frankly restoring my faith in humanity a bit. But I worry that you are placing WAY too much of the responsibility on yourself. I don't mean to be bleak or too blunt, but if god forbid anything ever happened, I would hate for you to blame yourself, and it sounds like you would. Your job is to be this person's friend. Not their therapist or caretaker.

So, here's my advice: I absolutely agree that you should not give up on them! But make sure you have boundaries. It broke my heart to read that you were going to places like anablr just to help- that's not healthy for you! As a friend, especially at your age, your most important job is to make sure your friend doesn't feel alone. And you're doing an amazing job, in my opinion. They seem to be willing to talk to you, and that's a big deal. But, in the best way, you are fifteen, and you don't have to have all the answers! Sometimes, the best way to support someone is to remind them that they are loved and they have someone in their corner. BUT remember that being there for someone doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself or your mental health. Say something if a joke makes you uncomfortable. "I love you so much, but that joke makes me feel uncomfortable. Can you maybe not joke like that?" It's okay and healthy to set those boundaries.

Please remember, you are not responsible for this person. You can love them and be there for them and care deeply, but you are responsible for you and your own health. Don't forget you.

My last very gentle suggestion is this: If you ever get to the point that you are so genuinely worried about this friend that you think it is a life-or-death situation, please don't take that on by yourself. I know it is scary, and I know that telling adults mean that there can be ramifications, but remember that if you are genuinely scared, then an adult needs to be there to keep everyone safe. Very bluntly: Trust can be rebuilt but you can't bring people back from some other very permanent decisions.

Again, you are a wonderful person, and a fantastic friend. But remember to take yourself into account and stay safe in all ways. I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but I hope maybe you'll consider it.

Sending so much love! <3 <3 <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #tw: sh #tw: ed

[etherealspacejelly]

hi! i don't know how to bring up adhd diagnosis to my parents. they're those "you don't need a label" people. and they're very loving and i know the worst they could say is no, but somehow that feels worse than staying undiagnosed

sorry i don't mean to vent but... any advice?

sounds like you need to convince them of the benefits of you getting a diagnosis.

if you havent already, make yourself an adhd evidence document (i have explained this in previous posts so i wont do it again here, if you havent seen it or need a reminder scroll back through the adhd tag on my blog and you should find it). this should help you to convince them that you have adhd in the first place

then make a list of all of the reasons why you want a diagnosis. this could be accessing reasonable accommodations in school, getting medication, understanding yourself better, or something more personal to you.

if you want to take it a step further, write it like a persuasive essay. you've probably written a bunch of them in English class by now! if you haven't, look up the Point Evidence Explain structure and that should help. find some medical or academic sources to cite if you can!

what you need to help them understand is that its not just about the label, its about what that label opens up for you. tell them how you are struggling (adhd evidence doc) and then show them how a diagnosis would alleviate that (meds, accommodations, etc.)

adhd isnt just "ooh im so quirky- oh look a squirrel!" it has actual detrimental impacts on our school lives, our home lives, and our mental health. but most people just dont know that! explaining all of this to them should increase your chances of convincing them that you need a diagnosis.

if this still doesnt work, look up how old you have to be to have medical autonomy where you live. it might be younger than you think! although i think in most places it is 18. once you reach that age you can take yourself to the doctor and get referred (as long as you aren't in the States and have to pay for it, in that case im sorry)

hope this helps! good luck!!

#inbox #ask #inbox open #adhd #actually adhd #advice

[lobotomyladylives]

Hey i am also anti psych as an institution but im also in therapy and on meds because I cant function.............. do you believe the meds can benefit me or am i just lining their pockets at my own detriment? im not about taking medical advice from tumblr but i have been looking for more opinions because im not knowledgeable on this and i want to read

I'm the first to admit that some people do in fact benefit from their meds, I'm one of those people to some extent. I am pretty happy with a few of my prescriptions. but on a larger scale, there are certain classes of medications that are widely prescribed that I believe do far more harm than good in the way they're currently being used.

the most harmful of these are antipsychotics. I used to be on one & I now refuse to take it, APs are just a chemical lobotomy, they literally shrink your brain over time + make you balloon up & give you diabetes, tardive dyskinesia, etc, thats just the tip of the iceberg. literally every single schizophrenic client I had who had been on APs for a long time had a million physical health issues bc of them & most were very lethargic to the point of falling asleep during group therapy.

while APs do have their uses in extremely severe cases, the big problem with them is that doctors aren't just prescribing them as a short term silver bullet to deal with severe psychotic episodes, as they ought to. they are handing them out like candy to anyone & everyone, from people with PTSD to curmudgeonly elderly patients to literal children, usually "difficult" ones in the foster care system, prison inmates with MH conditions-even people with nothing more than mild depression get given APs. and it's all bc big pharma sent their pill pushers out with bogus fraudulent studies exaggerating the positive effects & downplaying the negative ones so that they could make more money off meds that ought to be a very rare Rx.

this is also my primary issue with the second most harmful class of MH drugs, benzos. they work phenomenally when taken /as needed/ to stop panic attacks but psychs who prescribe them as a long term every day solution need to have their licenses taken away & I'm so serious about that. benzo withdrawal is the worst there is, you can literally die from it & it lasts YEARS with an insane amount of horrible side effects including rebound anxiety. I know people who trusted that their psychiatrist knew best & took xans for mild anxiety & now they literally cannot get off them, they are physically & mentally addicted & it's more difficult to kick than a heroin addiction (not exaggerating). well, guess who's a paying pharma patient for life now? how convenient.

SSRIs (as well as SNRIs) are another extremely commonly prescribed class that's come under fire recently due to the fact that the studies showing their efficacy were discovered to have been completely falsified. they literally don't do what the pharma companies claimed they do, the science is NOT there & on top of that they have some nasty side effects. what's particularly scary is what can happen when you try to come off them (withdrawal symptoms lasting years, anhedonia, also PSSD-there are people who haven't had an orgasm in years after coming off these drugs). I'm planning to take part in some of the lawsuits that are in the works due to this mass defrauding of mental health patients including myself.

the body count psychiatry has is a direct result of our for profit healthcare system that incentives overprescription, and the issue is so massive that I honestly think it totally dwarfs the opioid crisis prior to the overcorrection & fent & tranq being introduced. fuck, at least opioids /actually/ do what they're supposed to do, unlike most of these MH meds. it's insane & infuriating. I recommend reading Mental Health Inc if you want to know more about this, it gives you a sense of the scope of this issue.

#that was such a rant lol. anon if your meds work for you thats good & you can still criticize psychiatry while being on them! #also therapy isnt psychiatry since theres no medicine involved. psychologists dont have the ability to rx. therapy isnt likely to harm you #unless you have a hannibal lecter type therapist but im guessint thats not the case #i mean some therapists are just Bad but its pretty easy to identify them early on #asks

[nattousan]

iirc u said you got a new job, what do you do for work now?

do you ever get anxious while working? fi so how do you cope/make the anxiety go away?

so because i have an art background and my sister recommended me, i'm a labtech at [CHAIN DENTURE MAKING STORE]! And, despite having no background in dentistry, they hired me because i have experience sculpting and making molds, as well as just having a generally amicable and teachable attitude. Its cool because a lot of the skills i developed making sculptures have translated very literally into my work making dentures! Which has allowed me a confidence that means that I actually don't experience any anxiety at work. It's like if you were a prolific smashbros player and nintendo suddenly asked you if you want to be a beta tester haha.

Also your timing is perfect anon bc while I don't personally have anxiety, my partner struggles heavily with it, to the point where they had to take medical leave from work. Idk if you already have a job or are looking but from observing them and my own experience, here's some general tips i can offer you:

- anxiety is a confidence killer, the endless fear and "what-ifs" can be paralyzing, seek out work that you know you can do good in, even if it's not your passion. I'll be honest i never thought about dentistry as a career but im using skills that i'm confident in and im allowing myself to ask questions when i don't know things bc thats what the trainers are there for.

- any sort of "i'm useless, i'm a burden, no one will hire me" self talk is literally your anxiety talking and is of the devil. don't listen to it. you gotta separate your anxious brain from your logical brain and assess uncritically what u bring to the table, are you good at organizing? can you work a spread sheet? do you find cleaning things soothing and satisfying? you gotta tailor your job search to your individual proclivities instead of applying to any random listing you see.

- if you already have a job thats giving you anxiety ask yourself two questions: what specifically about this job is giving me anxiety and can i do anything to avoid/correct it? maybe talk to a supervisor about your triggers and what youre feeling, if they're a good supervisor they'll try and work with you, if you get told to suck it up buttercup thats part of the job, welp, start looking for other places to work.

- PLEASE please PLEASE ask for help!!! at least in my partners case, they initially thought they had to go it alone and weather the job search process on their own but when i tell you there was a whole ass career center with COUNSELORS just waiting to help people find jobs, i'm not kidding! there are resources out there !! USE THEM!! YOU DESERVE TO BE HELPED!! check out your local community college or library to see if they have a career center! Mine does and it opened me up to several trade grants i didn't know about! THEY HAVE THE RESOURCES!! GO USE THEM!

- last and probably hardest for anxious people, you gotta find a way to stop giving a fuck about what people think of you! self confidence stems from within and when you're confident people can pick up on it and are more likely to trust you with things and hire you for things. Even if its a fake confidence! nothing has helped me more out in life is me just doing things because "eh, i got this, i'm sure it'll work out in the end" you gotta actively embrace failure as not a world ending event but a part of the process forward.

if you wanna send me another message about the specifics of your situation i'd be happy to tailor my advice but these are a few of the basics i guess. Like i said, I don't have anxiety but am very close to someone who does and hooboy i do not envy y'all. stay strong, soldier 🫡

#nat chats #anon #advice?? #anxiety #og post

[copperbadge]

Im still working your ADHD tag and Im learning so much thank you btw, but do you have any tips on finding a good clinician/ psychiatrist also? Im in a foreign country now too so Im depending on online resources to seek a good one

I unfortunately think, especially without knowing what country you’re in, I’m probably not ideal in terms of giving advice. Finding my psych is the first time I’ve gone looking for a mental health professional in decades. I can talk about what I looked for, but I think you should also ask in your area if you can -- even if you just ask your local doctor, they may have advice to share. 

Now, all that said....

When I went looking I was basically just googling. I had a few keywords in mind, primarily “Adult ADHD” and “Medication management” along with “psychiatrist” and “Chicago”. Medication management probably has a “real” definition, but to me it indicates someone who is focused on prescribing and monitoring a medication regimen rather than engaging therapeutically. I can’t speak from direct experience but I personally would prefer my theoretical therapist and my actual prescribing doctor not be the same person. 

But I don’t know if these terms are used elsewhere. I don’t know how people treating for adult ADHD advertise outside of Illinois, and I don’t know if medication management for ADHD is even a thing in some regions. Stimulant medication is banned in many parts of the world (pretty much all of Europe, and I believe Japan; not sure about others). 

One thing I encountered and afterward actively looked for was people who advertise as being LGBTQIA+ friendly. It’s not something I need or would think to look for, but the second I saw it on a profile, I felt more trust. It indicates a certain liberal attitude I likely share, plus someone who has overcome rigidities around “I will convert them to my way” rather than “I will work with this person where they’re at.” I’m pretty sure Dr. C is gay so that probably wasn’t an issue for him, but it makes me feel better having a psychiatrist who’s willing to state he’s queer-friendly on his profile. And I like to support the queer community, lord knows they’ve supported me. 

Anyway, those are the things I looked for, but I think also it’s sometimes just dumb luck and knowing when to back away slowly when you accidentally get someone you clearly aren’t going to be able to work with. That just...happens sometimes. But I do wish you luck and I hope you can find someone! 

#sam has adhd

[compassionatereminders]

hi kat, hope you are doing okay right now. i know things are tough and fuck tiny and whatever the other one is called. the stupid one. anyways.

recently ive been trying to practice self love more, i stopped self harming, got back onto medication for my depression, stopped looking at harmful websites like gore and self harm images, got off most social media, and i try to be nice to what i see in the mirror, face wise. i actually dont feel like my self destructive habits are that harmful, but logically i know they are. i dont feel like they gravely effect my life, they jsut feel like weird dirty secrets i have but i know it is not good for me. I've been focused on dealing with my depression but i haven't done anything about my disordered eating habits. They just feel so intertwined with how i go about things in a way, because im 16 now and i think it started when i was 12. i just remember not caring at all about my body or food, and then suddenly i did. and i had these weird specific things i hated and started learning about nutrition and just, fell down a horrible rabbit hole. i just feel like, i am SO not ready to let go of this. its a comfort, my safety net. i dont even know how to eat normal anymore honestly, i got too much stuff memorized. Sometimes im fully aware i have horrid body dysmphoria, but other times i feel like i see myself clearly and what the people around me dont get is that i have different (and really bad) ideas of what looks good on me, aka i know i fit their ideals of a good looking healthy body but i dont fit MINE. im just scared if i recover these thoughts and ideals wont ever leave, like at the back of my mind they will be there and ill just be trying not to think about how i dont look like that the rest of my life and how miserable thatd be. my ed is just, sorta part of my routine. aghhhhh. just feels sorta good to let that out. i know you dont have specific advice for this topic but i wanted to talk about it a little anyway but, OVERALL; im focusing on healing and my health but am more focused on depression and other things then dealing with my disordered eating habits, which i know are not at all good but at the same time i cant bring myself to care that they arent. do you think im still making progress towards healing and being happier? even if i havent addressed a certain elephant in the room?

Yes. If you can only acknowledge progress which successfully attacks every area of struggle equally at all times, you will not get very far. You gotta start somewhere. And you have started. And that matters, even if you aren't at a point where you can fix every single problem in your life. It's okay to say "right now I'm working on self harm and depression" and let that be enough for now, cause honestly? Working through self harm and depression is worthwhile and impressive by itself, even if it won't fix everything. Removing two elephants from your apartment will make it a lot easier to live in even if the third elephant is still there. You have more options than doing nothing vs doing everything and what you're doing now fucking rocks. Be proud of your hard work

#chat with kat #self harm tw #eating disorders tw #food issues tw #body image tw

[loserchildhotpants]

Idk if this is something you feel able to give advice on, but Seeing Wolves Where there are No Wolves is a big comfort to bc I know I too need help & its good to know that it's out there, but I don't know how to start. Like how the hell do you choose a therapist?! I google and still dont get the difference between lpc vs psyd, let alone what questions to ask or how to tell if they're a good fit. Feel free to say pass, but if you have tips I would so greatly appreciate it. thanks and sending love

hello, anon!

im actually able to help with this! im good at finding counselors! (and dentists!)

so, there are a couple of ways to go about this, but the truth of the matter is that if you've never been to therapy, or you're new to an area and are searching for a counselor, you may have to shop around a bit before you find the right fit. This can be emotionally taxing, so seeking out the right one will take some refining.

Acronyms To Know:

MSW: Master of Social Work

M.Ed: Master of Education / M.S.Ed: Master of Science in Education

M.S or M.A: Master of Science and Master of Arts, respectively.

LPC: Licensed Professional Counselor

LMHC: Licensed Mental Health Counselor

LCPC: Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor

LPCC / LCMHC: Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor of Mental Health / Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor

LMHP: Licensed Mental Health Practitioner

MFCC: Marriage, Family and Child Counselor

LCSW: Licensed Clinical Social Worker

DR is someone with a doctorate while MD is for Medical Doctor, and a Ph.D is someone with their doctorate of Philosophy - and all of these are people that are capable of obtaining certifications and licenses in a variety of counseling types, what it means to you is how much time this person has spent in school. In my experience, how much time a person has spent in school is not super indicative of how helpful they are, and it's much more informative to find out how many years they have spent in the field, and what their listed specialties are.

If you've been to counseling before, you may already be aware of what modes of therapy work best for you (Talk Therapy, DBT, CBT, EMDR, etc), but if you found Seeing Wolves to be comforting and that is the kind of therapy you're looking for, you will want to seek out a counselor that specializes in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) and/or Trauma Focused Therapy.

I highly recommend seeing counselors that have at least 5 years in the field, and in particular, at least 5 years of training or experience in dealing with trauma focused therapy. You may see counselors listing years of experience in rehabilitation centers with people who have substance abuse disorders, or working with veterans in VA hospitals and such - these are good indicators that they are aware of, and well practiced in trauma-informed approaches of therapy, even if they aren't specifically licensed or advertised as that.

Remember that your initial meeting with a new counselor is about you sussing THEM out, to see if they're a good fit. It's okay if you don't click right away, or if the vibes are off and you're like 'hmm :T i think im gonna keep looking.'

When picking a counselor, read their bios and work histories - determine if their field work feels relevant to the skills you want in a counselor, and look out for red flags, like 'faith-based approaches' as this can either be PRECISELY what you're looking for, OR it can be extremely limiting and unhelpful if the faith they're basing their practice on is only one, specific faith that does not align with yours.

That's all the advice I can really give on this without knowing what you're specifically struggling with. If you feel comfortable divulging more to me, I can help you narrow down your search more, but I hope this is helpful!!

#ask #anon #melanie answers stuff #psychology #mental health #it's a lot to keep track of i know #i hope u find what you're looking for! #you're v brave for starting the journey!!!! im proud of u!!!!!!

[causticsunshine]

im sorry for asking you this, but i feel kinda shy to ask it anywhere else and you answered that ask about masturbation so... you can definitely ignore it if you dont wanna answer it tho

i have done clitoral masturbation but ive never cum. ive tried vaginal as well and that doesnt work either. idk can you give me some tips?

no worries, anon! i’d be happy to help however i can! (and so sorry i forgot this in my drafts!)

first off, there’s nothing wrong with being unable to finish, or at least having difficulty in doing so. there’s a lot of societal pressure on orgasming and sex or masturbation only being seen as ‘good’ or ‘successful’ if climax is reached, and that’s definitely not a healthy was to look at things.

but at the same time—i can completely understand wanting to be able to finish, and the frustration that often comes along with seemingly being unable to.

as you said though, you’re finding difficulty in both of those departments. as you do know your body and process, whatever else, better than any other person, i can really only offer advice and some recommendations as i don’t know what exactly it is making this goal difficult for you, but i hope something here might be helpful to you.

so!

i think the best place to start is asking yourself some questions to analyze the situation instead of maybe letting discouragement or another kind of negative feeling take over. like, are you experiencing pleasure while masturbating as is? are you always doing things the same? are you just getting off with the aim of orgasm? are your thoughts preoccupied, or are you distracted while you’re ‘busy’?

several outside factors can affect your sex drive, with stress being one of the biggest, so stressing out or being stressed going into your Alone Time is likely to make things a bit more… difficult, and more so if they already are. i know you can’t just shut off your stress switch, but if you find that stress IS impacting you in this department, try changing your view on your You Time. think of it as something you’re doing to alleviate stress, to take some time to make yourself feel good, relax, what have you, especially if going into it you feel yourself unable to fully shut your brain off.

(btw, anxiety, dehydration, touch starvation, lack of self confidence/bodily comfort, medical side effects, and sleep issues are also common factors affecting sex drive, so i’d be mindful of those things as well!)

also—going into things, are you at all in the mood before starting, or does it happen as you get started? are you in the mood at all during, or are you forcing yourself? because if the latter is the case, than also make things more difficult. i always encourage using different materials to help you get in a saucy sort of headspace if your imagination—or seeming spontaneous need—isn’t cutting it, or exploring other materials you usually don’t turn to for aid as well.

(for me it personally depends, as sometimes i prefer to read, sometimes i just watch AVs, and sometimes i just need some music and to space out!)

in the case it’s not stress, the mood, or some other kind of impending factor making things difficult for you—hell, maybe you live with people and them being home is what makes it difficult for you, so you have to wait until you’re alone to get to things—it might be a good idea to change your approach on how you’re masturbating, as well as why.

like i said, you should be doing it to make yourself feel good. and sometimes it is nice to just feel. sometimes you really can get enough by ending things when your body has decided ‘you know? i’m actually good now’ instead of pushing yourself. you definitely don’t want to turn it into a chore—where’s the good in that?

and if all’s good, ie you’re not stressed or distracted, you’re feeling nice, but you’re reaching a point where everything just sort of plateaus, are you immediately stopping if this is happening, or are you pushing through regardless and still not getting anything? if you immediately stop, try pushing a bit, but change tactics or position, introducing, swapping out, or removing a toy if you’re using any. if you keep going, i’d do the same thing. sometimes you just have to keep going to get those results—unless, ofc, you become sore or uncomfortable in any way. definitely stop if that’s the case.

again, what’s most important is you’re feeling good and comfortable, and just because you’re facing this problem now, doesn’t mean you’ll always be facing it! experiment however you feel comfortable and don’t let what’s likely to be a temporary roadblock get in your way. feel free to send me any other questions you may have and good luck!

#sex ed #anon #answered

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #therapy

[toothlespoggers]

”Why are you sad” WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY WHEN THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN FEEL JOY IS BY HAVING ENOUGH MONEY TO GO DO STUFF THAT IS FUN IN THE MOMENT BUT ULTIMATELY STILL LEAVES YOU EMPTY INSIDE BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO THE WORLD IS BEING FUCKED OVER IN A MILLION DIFFERENT WAYS BY PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE COMMON SENSE AND THERES NO HOPE IN TRYING TODO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSEIT JUST DOESNT WORK. HOW ARE YOU HAPPY WHEN ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE ON THE INTERNET WITHIUT SEEING EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD. THE ONLY WAY TO BE “HAPPY” IS TO BE AWAY FROM LITERALLY EVERYTHING, HAVE EVERYTHING CONTROLLED AND PERFECT. AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUES. UNTIL YOU DIE. BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE, WALKING DOWN THE STREET, EATING, SLEEPING. EVERYTHING JUST REMINDS YOU THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS CONSTANTLY SUFFERING FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOURE A CHILD. AND SOMEHOW ADULTS DONT CARE. THEY DONT CARE ABOUT THE DEATHS. THEY DONT SEE THE BLOODSTAINS ON EVERYTHING AROUND THEM. THEY SOMEHOW AVOID IT ALL.

WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? BECAUSE BEING SAD. BEING ANYTHING ELSE. IS TOO DIFFICULT. WHAT ARE WE JUST SUPPOSED TO ROLL OVER WHEN SOMEONE ASKS IF YOURE OK? NO. BECAUSE THIS IS HOW EVERYTHING WOULD GO

“hey man, you ight?”

“NO I AM NOT ALRIGHT, EVERYTHING IS AWFUL EVERYTHING IS BAD. THE “GOOD” IS MOSTLY JUST GASLIGHTING, A SUNNY LITTLE PICTURE OF FALSE HOPES AND PROMISES TO CALM YOU DOWN AND KEEP SOCIETY FUNCTIONING BECAUSE IN REALITY EVERYTHING IS BAD, THE BAD COMES SO MUCH AND THE GOOD IS SO SPARSE YOU HAVE TO PHYSICALLY REMIND YOURSELF OF IT, AND IF EVERYTHINGS OK WOULDNT IT BE EASY TO FIND OUT GOOD NEWS INSTEAD OF DIGGING THROUGH THE INTERNET TO FIND ANYTHING? ISNT IT RIDICULOUS THAT WE ARE LABELLED AS “MENTALLY ILL” FOR HAVING FUCKING COMMON SENSE? WE ALL REALISED AS SOON AS WE GAINED SENTIENCE

“HEY WOW, ACTUALLY THE WORLD IS KINDA HORRIBLE!” AND INSTEAD OF FIXING IT EVERYONE ELSE WAS LIKE “YEAH BRO MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THAT, YOURE CRAZY. THE WORLD ISNT AWFUL! LOOK AT OUR LITTLE RICH WHITE NEIGHBOURHOOD, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND NOTHING IS WRONG! YOU ARE STUPID FOR THINKING THIS.”

LIKE BRO. NO??? ITS NOT OK? I DONT “GET SAD” I AM SAD. THIS ANXIETY DEPRESSION, COCKTAIL NEVER SUBSIDES. IT IS JUST IGNORED. REPEATEDLY. BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FORGOT TO SURVIVE.

YOU HAVE TO GRIT YOUR TEETH, WIPE YOUR EYES AND DISSOCIATE. BECAUSE YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN IN YOUR HEART THAT NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE MINDSET OF:

“Well Im alive now, I might as well enjoy it” BECAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY ALL YOU CAN DO.

I WANT. TO BELIEVE. IN THE POSITIVES.

WE ALL DO.

BUT LOOK AROUND.

IT WOULD LITERALLY TAKE A MIRACLE, NOT A SMALL ONE. A NATIONAL. WORLD WIDE. MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE MIRACLE. TO FIX THINGS.

BUT THATS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

YOU CANT EVEN TAKE COMFORT IN RELIGION BECAUSE RELIGION IS LIKE “yeah no everythings gonna be like really bad and get worse and worse until everyone dies”

like. SERIOUSLY.

so NO. I am not “ok” and if you are. Congratulations. You’ve achieved a level of ignorance I TRULY wish I could obtain.

you wanna know why NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS?

BECAUSE IF EVERYONE ON EARTH KNEW THIS. EVERYTHING WOULD COLLAPSE.

And I’m not saying you can’t be happy. YOU CAN! I am often happy! I have a lot of good moments. Life is worth living! Until a certain point you can always experience joy. There will always be SOMETHING. Good.

I’m sorry it sucks. I want it to change, I want to be happy. I want to go outside knowing that there’s a future, that there isn’t just misery ahead of me.

but I can’t do anything about it.

I can’t seek therapy. I can’t tell anyone.

because all they do is try and get me to be happy again, different strategies!! Different Methods! Different medication! So much medication :,D but I’m tired of people telling me not to be sad.

Stop trying to fix the individuals with drugs and cheesy advice.

FIX THE WORLD FOR US. THEN THE CHILDREN WONT NEED TO BE HIGH ON PAIN KILLERS TO BE HAPPY.

(I try to keep stuff like this to a minimum on my blog but at this point this is the only way I can safely put my opinion out into the world without being put into a mental hospital or yelled at.)

#tw vent #tw swearing #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #tw drugs #tw death #cw vent #cw depressive thoughts #vent tag #vent post #vent

[recents]

im pretty sure the point of the advice “if you have adhd, get a planner” is actually intended to be “find a way to make planning and organization fun for you.” decorating and using an aesthetic (whatever that means to you) physical paper planner, journal, diary, or agenda etc. of things you need to remember or do is actually a whole hobby enjoyed by ND and NT people and it can be really really fun! think stickers and washi tape and cute post-it notes, pasting in receipts and movie tickets and little photos from dates with friends, different colored inks and highlighters. it’s an inexpensive hobby, too. if you’re not an artsy person, there’s still plenty of ways to make it satisfying, like logging every day you did an activity, or developing a color coding system for tasks or information, or keeping and indexing notes and information about your special interests, or even just slapping stickers or printed pictures of your blorbo all over every other page to give yourself a reason to look at it.

for me, analog planners are actually a necessity and it’s life changing because digital calendars and planner systems don’t work for my brain. it’s joyless for me so i forget to check it and the notifications and reminders pile up unread. but having a physical book (that i get to cover in doodles and stickers) to refer to is completely different for me. if i did not have my notebooks i would not make appointments. i would let my meds go unfilled. i would not remember things like my address or how much money i need to put aside for bills each month. i would not have graduated college, and all of that is even being on my medication. i consider all my notebooks and journals and planners to be disability aids, just as much as my meds, my headphones, and my glasses.

and i really think this could help a lot of people with adhd, not just me! adhd brains remember to do fun things, and making the act of listing and checking and updating and recording the vital things of your daily life and information you need or want to remember in and of itself fun is a great way to slowly get your life together. and i promise that as cringe and boring as it sounds, having your shit together will improve your quality of life. you will feel better about yourself when you’re filling all your meds and paying all your bills on time. when you’re remembering your coworker’s names and your friend’s birthdays because you made a list.

i understand how the “get a planner” advice can sound invalidating because if you’re just trying to magically force yourself to remember to joylessly write down the dates of work meetings and shit in ballpoint pen in some sad beige calendar book, then yeah, that’s no different from “just put it in your outlook calendar!” or whatever the fuck. the organizational systems used by NTs typically don’t work for us. but developing an organizational system that is unique to you and more importantly works for you is so crucial to survival for so many people.

……… this was such a huge, most unintentional infodump that i feel like i should put some resources at the end lol. so here are some super basic links (that have helped me) about analog planners and planning systems!!

how to start bullet journaling

jetpens - how to choose a planner and planning strategies

guide to the hobonichi techo planner

bestself planner

guide to ring bound planners <- this style of planner lets you add, remove, and shuffle pages at any time

mochithings (planner & stationery shop)

#I SPENT. AN HOUr ON THIS POST WHILE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE JOB SEWRCHING. TIME TO GO BACK TO THAT #this is okay to reblog btw in fact please do if you want!!!!