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hikari-drkspc · 1 year

Text

❅ “Weakness” ❅

character: yandere! saionji ukyo [dr. stone]

warning: yandere, non consensual touching + (almost) kiss (not by ukyo) ; MINOR/AGELESS BLOGS DNI, PUT YOUR AGE IN BIO/PINNED POST TO INTERACT

words: 1k

a/n: this is a repost from my main blog (@/hikari-writes) so yes this writing is old + bad, i just moved them here w/o editing bc im lazy and wants to keep reminding myself how bad my writing used to be <3 this was set before Tsukasa empire was defeated !!

Ukyo stands in front of Hyoga, his face showing his nervousness and small beads of sweats could be seen trickling down his face.

“Why did you call me out here?”

Ukyo asks, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. He didn’t want to let Hyoga knew he’s anxious that they are meeting alone and a bit farther than their headquarters. If, in the worst case scenario, he was attacked, it’d be hard to escape. Although he don’t find any reason why Hyoga would attack him now.

“…Nothing much.”

Hyoga replies curtly and as soon as he did, Ukyo’s ears caught a series of footsteps heading towards them.

The footsteps he knows all too well.

Even though his ears could catch on sounds from a pretty far distance, he knows that her way of walking has always been so insanely fast. So although he knew beforehand that she’s coming, he still couldn’t take any action before she reached their place.

“Hey, Hyoga-san….why did you call me out here?”

Y/N finally reaches their place, her face showing pure confusion as she saw Ukyo and Hyoga facing each other.

“Y/N….”

Ukyo mumbles her name, his face turns pale all of the sudden. He doesn’t seem to be getting any good vibes from this situation. Out of all people, Hyoga called out Y/N, Ukyo’s no. 1 weakness, his girlfriend, here at this quiet place. It seems like Hyoga planned it so that she came right when Ukyo and Hyoga’s facing each other.

“Ukyo.”

Hyoga ignores Y/N’s presence and continue facing Ukyo.

“I’d like for you to join force with me to end Tsukasa’s life.”

Ukyo and Y/N went dead silent at that one sentence. For the first time ever, Ukyo couldn’t believe his own ears. Y/N’s legs started trembling at Hyoga’s sudden proposal. Did those words just came out of him? Even though Tsukasa trusted him, he wishes to kill him?

Ukyo was quick to regain his composure. He then looks straight at Hyoga’s face.

“And if I don’t want to?”

Hyoga stays silent at Ukyo’s reply. He then takes off his mask and in a blink of an eye, grabs Y/N’s arm and pull her face closer to him.

Y/N could barely understand the situation that flashes right before her eyes and her reflexes are too slow compared to Hyoga for her to even turn her face or push Hyoga away. But she does understand one thing. The sight of Hyoga’s face nearing hers makes her eyes widen in horror. Just the thought of other people aside Ukyo having their lips on hers is just… unbearable.

Just as their lips about to touch, Y/N was snatched away from Hyoga’s grip and a knife was pointed at his throat.

“Well, well…so even the peace-loving Ukyo can point a knife at someone’s throat when his Y/N is about to fall on other’s hands, huh?”

Ukyo hold Y/N tightly with one hand and his other hand kept the knife close to Hyoga’s throat. His face isn’t showing his usual calm exterior. Instead, he was like a completely different person. His face turns gloomy and his eyes are looking at Hyoga dangerously.

“I thought you knew that you can’t object an offer from me. Oh well, now the deal has been made. There’s no going back.”

Hyoga calmly said as he pulls up his mask back and walks away, leaving the two of them alone.

Y/N is still clinging to Ukyo tightly, her whole body trembling. Ukyo who finally regains back his composure, try to reassure Y/N by embracing her small body. It’s almost as if he’s doing it to reassure himself. As if she could disappear at any moment and he’s clinging to her so desperately.

“Ukyo….I’m okay now.”

Y/N softly whispers at him. Ukyo reluctantly lets her go, and as soon as he did, her lips met his and they both melt into a sweet, loving kiss.

~*~

“I could barely understand what happened just now…Are you going to be okay, Ukyo?”

While they walk back to the headquarters, holding hands, Y/N asks a question that’s been on her mind since just now.

“….I’ll be fine. Completely fine. So don’t worry. What you should be worrying about is yourself. His target is you if he found anything suspicious at me. And that’s the only thing I don’t want to happen.”

Ukyo strokes Y/N’s head reassuringly and give a peck on her forehead.

“I really was afraid just now, you know? I wouldn’t have known what to do if he had kissed me.”

As soon as she mentions that, Ukyo’s face turns gloomier and his glares turns so scary it could kill a newborn fawn.

“If that’s the case, I’ll just kiss you two, no, three times than he did.”

Y/N’s ears turn red at his exclamation and she just smiles lovingly at him.

“I would love that.”

“For tonight, Y/N, sleep with me. I don’t want Hyoga to attack you while you’re alone. Stay by my side.”

Ukyo turns to her and said this seriously. Y/N quietly nod at him and give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Even if you don’t ask for it, I’ll always stay by your side forever and ever.”

Ukyo’s heart warms up at her loving confession and squeezes her hand.

“It’s okay…” He thought to himself. “Tomorrow’s gonna be the day this empire meets its downfall. Senku’s plan gonna work. Until then, I will protect Y/N even if I have to dirty my own hand. I may be a coward, but for her, I will…”

“Ukyo? What’s wrong?”

Y/N peers at Ukyo who was silent for a moment, worried of his sudden silence. He also seems to be glaring…which she just shrugs it off as her imagination.

Ukyo snaps out of his train of thoughts and stare a while at Y/N’s face before softening his expression and genuinely smile at her.

“It’s nothing. I was just thinking of how much I love you .”

He says that so smoothly, making Y/N blush a bit.

“That’s right… I love you so much, I’m willing to change myself.”

Ukyo thought that as his smile turns into a cold one.

#tw: yandere #dr stone x reader #ukyo saionji #dr stone ukyo saionji #dr stone ukyo #dr stone ukyo x reader #dr stone yandere #dr stone yandere ukyo x reader

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flyonthewallmedstudent · 4 months

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In what finding your passion looks like in medicine. maybe.

I work in IM.

Where most of the time it's a desk job. 80% of my patients can't realy communicate. My notes are often, "pleasantly confused" or agitated.

Plans are "collateral history" which means, call their fam on a phone. At my desk. then taking notes on a computer. ordering labs. ordering imaging. making a referral also consists of logging it in a computer, then making a phone call.

I enjoy my job, but it never makes for great television. There is literally a reality show being filmed in my hospital. And they're never interested in filming anything my dept does. I mean, I wouldn't watch what I do on television. My medical students I'm sure are confused by this job. The new ones anyway. Most of the job is sitting at a computer and looking at numbers. Unless they're really sick, in which case that becomes a code or a terrible conversation with families.

When I try do regular people stuff, like taking calls from I don't know, someone trying to sell me something or offer a service, while I'm at a code, in resus or giving a family bad news. I literally don't know what to say sometimes. The other side will ask, is this a bad time almost out of courtesy - and literally it is a terrible time. So, no I cannot actually carry on a 30 second conversation about an upgrade to my mobile plan while my patient is dying and the fam are here. I know they're doing a job. Not like they realize how extreme my job can be. It becomes a very surreal moment in my life. Or worse, I can't really tell my kids at the age they are, why I'm late to pick them up because literally someone's dying.

In the reverse situation. My junior coworkers freak out about waking up family in the middle of the night sometimes for their patients. I have to tell them, this is a 'new' normal, when your loved one is in hospital you'll want that middle of the night update no matter what, just call and wake them. We work in an abnormal situation all the time.

So when it's bad it's bad. When it's mundane, it's really mundane.

Anyway. Watching youtube/netflix on what the average person makes on the job etc. and what they do. I.e. on Mr Beast, an archeologist makes 100k a year to look at bones outside (sounds amazing by the way).

I think about what I make.

Actually most days I don't even think about it. I go to work. it's busy. Shit happens. It's an adrenaline rush. I go home to my kids, it's busy. After it all winds down I'm vegging in front of youtube again.

what's in a job anyway. if it's about the money, clearly i picked the wrong direction multiple times. I don't know how to describe the intensity of it sometimes.

The time I've left to myself is really used to relax after the highs and lows of work and life with kids.

Or worse. Time left is used to try to forget some of the intense moments that happen. Whether a bad outcome or a conflict with someone at work. Or not getting to the meaningful diagnosis or management issue in time, IM is a constant puzzle and some cases are challenging (these moments make you feel dumb and perpetuates imposter syndrome). It's a lot to take it. In some ways, "you get used to it." Which is the most over used phrase ever. How to to normalize things over time. Other times it's working on getting past it

It's pretty consuming job. When you enjoy something and it gives you meaning. Most of the time anyway. Slowing down to find balance is the hard part. We're not built to be machines that just go to work. You can make a lot of money in medicine if you tried, but you won't have energy or time to spend it. People go big when it comes to vacations now or honeymoons if they can take it. Because sometimes all you can do is take the day off to attend your own wedding. For parents who are not the primary caregiver, often all you get is 1-2 weeks off. Is it really worth any money? lol what's the value. I know a cardiologist who works too much cause they have 4 kids and childcare is expensive. But they love that job.

Is it a job? or a strange addiction.

#medblr #medlife

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princessofxianle · 27 days

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I’m the anon that asked you all the questions about your FX backstory AU, and I have another question!

1. How did Shen Liang die?

2. In one of your previous posts, you implied that SL and FX meet again when SL’s a ghost, and it seems like she torments FX whenever they cross paths. What made Shen Liang care about Feng Xin?

3. How did Shen Liang feel when Feng Xin ascended? Was there even the tiniest bit of pride at having her didi become a God?

4. Does Feng Xin ever get angry about how badly his sister treated him? And does he ever tell Shen Liang the extent as to how badly she hurt him emotionally?

5. In one of your posts, Hua Cheng introduces Feng Xin to his mother. Why would he do that?

6. If Xie Lian ever found out about Feng Xin’s childhood, would he be angry with Shen Liang on FX’s behalf?

Omg its one of my fav anons HI FRIEND, I’m sorry this took over a mOnth, I’ve been trying to stay sane irl but still wanted to get you quality answers bc your questions always get me GOING and help me answer some things even I still dont know

for reference:

| more asks | meet the OC's (FX's family) | #fx backstory au

*alex from the future here I WROTE A LOT AGAIN IM SORRY ...it will happen again*

Spoilers for my AU under the cut, obvi, I’m gonna pretend like yall are my writing group (but w/o any manuscript… you know what I mean lolol) WARNING im still planning some bits so some things are still up in the air until I find a good plot reason to nail them down:

1. How did Shen Liang die?

Good question! Honestly? I don’t know exactly. That’s something I was gonna leave until the day I decide to write her death (or simply reference it, since I hate having to UNFORTUNATELY remind myself that this AU is about Feng Xin not Shen Liang… my girl is stealing the show I swear lol)

What I DO know is that our good ol friend, Jun Wu, has a hand in killing her 😊 She has an ability to manipulate souls which JW deems could be used as a cure for human face disease. Can’t have that in our kingdom-ending pandemic, can we? So she’s just in his way to ruin our fav crown prince’s life. JW does give her a chance to help him with her said soul ability, but even if Shen Liang hates her brother, she’s not a murderer. No part of her soul will ever be that. She’s not about to help doom her kingdom. (2nd MORE ANGSTY option is JW *already*has the intent to use her ability for bad, so to protect her kingdom, she kills herself to stop him)

2. In one of your previous posts, you implied that SL and FX meet again when SL’s a ghost, and it seems like she torments FX whenever they cross paths. What made Shen Liang care about Feng Xin?

They actually meet twice! But I haven’t talked abt the 2nd time yet 😊

In regard to the 1st time, I’m not sure if you’re asking “why does SL care about FX at all?” or “why does ghost!SL take the time to care about FX?” so Ill answer both!

Spoiler: SL has always cared about FX, even before he was born (bear with me, she’s still awful to him BUT THERES REASONS) That fact doesn’t change after he’s born either. What *does* change is the state of her soul due to her inability to control her own soul manipulation ability bc of a traumatic event (the loss of her mother). Shen Liang’s soul never actually stops loving FX, but the half that *contains* that love, isn’t always present in her body. I’ll have to do more explanation on her ability later. It’s a lot.

Now, why does ghost!SL care? Well, she’s gone a little mad, as a ghost formed from a murder. She goes by the name Orange Snow Stitching Souls. And in her twisted logic, she has an ability to “help” people by fragmenting out parts of their soul and stitching the pieces back together as a means to “forget the things that pain them.” Essentially she goes around as a ghost observing people’s lives and if person A hurts person B, she makes person A forget about person B by cutting the memory out of their soul.

In this case, FX and ghost!SL meet shortly after FX leaves Xie Lian, so SL wants to force FX to forget about XL. She knows XL as the prince, AND she knows that FX was close with him. So “why not?” Feng Xin of course does not want this and resists. This conflict is LARGE. Plot standing AND in terms of fighting. It’s a huge turning point for them both in different ways.

3. How did Shen Liang feel when Feng Xin ascended? Was there even the tiniest bit of pride at having her didi become a God?

Another banger of a question. Since Feng Xin ascends after Shen Liang has become a low-ish level ghost, her reactions are… without nuance. But in short, yeah I’d like to think there was some pride there, yes. And during the 2nd time they meet, absolutely. She is incredibly proud. <- a full and healed soul will do that to a girl 😊

4. Does Feng Xin ever get angry about how badly his sister treated him? And does he ever tell Shen Liang the extent as to how badly she hurt him emotionally?

Tricky question. Short answer to the first part? Yes. He’s actually incredibly angry at her once he learns that’s *not* how siblings, or ANYONE should be treated. This reaction is incredibly delayed tho. Not until after their 2nd meeting does he fully understand. And yes, he’s angry at her, and also grieving the jiejie she could’ve been for him. He’s not sure if not having a sister altogether would’ve been better or worse. And yes, he does tell her during their first meeting as ghost and human. A lot of things he’s been holding back are let loose during that time. He’s just lost Xie Lian, his whole purpose, Shen Liang then makes things impossibly worse.

5. In one of your posts, Hua Cheng introduces Feng Xin to his mother. Why would he do that?

Another great question! And I say this because this time *I don’t fucking know* lolol

This is one plot points I need to somehow make happen. General idea is neither of them know who the other is exactly, but they meet as a god and ghost both in disguise in a village. All they know is they are two of the FEW that have fond memories of their fav god, the Crown Prince of Xianle who pleased the gods and, in a perfect world, would like to see him (ascend) again.

The other half is that Hua Cheng (pre tonglu era btw) has been accompanied by a ghost flame he found and cared for because 1. She reminds him of his own mother and 2. He reminds her of her son. AND they share lineage from the same foreign kingdom.

HC is smart. FXs story of a lost mother, and Shen Wangxi’s story of dying in childbirth and never seeing her son grow up, fit together… so he makes a metaphorical bet on it. And obviously, he wins. This is also when FX gets to KEEP HIS MOM WITH HIM for the next large chunk of time (yay!!!) until he runs into his jiejie for the 2nd time. (im still working on a concrete timeline for this but its at least 100 years)

6. If Xie Lian ever found out about Feng Xin’s childhood, would he be angry with Shen Liang on FX’s behalf?

To a point, yes I think he would. I think he would also be a little angry that FX never really told him about his family when he was serving as a bodyguard. FX still assures him it was improper. In post-extras canon times, they do talk about this explicitly. It’s one of those “this conversation should have happened ages ago but neither of us knew how to bring it up” type things. Unfortunately for Feng Xin, this information is forced out of (in this case its actually “into”) him due to the death of one particular memory-eating monster in the amnesia extra (does anyone see where im sorta going with this? …ehe…)

Thanks for these! Getting to your 2nd ask soon!

'til next time *salutes*

#yknow earworms? the songs you cant get out of your head?#thats this au for me today #had a random boost of motivation after something great happened this afternoon and now i cant stop thinking #goddd i need to actually put pen to paper soon dont i?#fx backstory au #oc shen liang #i never tag fx's parents but i promise i still love them they are just not as relevant I GUESS?#<- she says #...as if this isnt her own doing #they have personalities i swear #asks #tgcf

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drawlfoy · 9 months

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I can't tell you just how heartbroken Wonders of Ohio left me. I've only ever felt that way with one other fic, and even then WoO topped it. Unlike WoO, the other fic had a very clean cut ending to it (they both died at the end rip) so I wasn't left to my own thoughts about what could've happened after. Which might be why WoO has been absolutely haunting me for the past two days, it hasn't left my mind at all. I think about certain moments, the ending, oh god ESPECIALLY THE ENDING, AT LEAST once an hour. I get that familiar feeling of my throat drying up and my eyes begin to water when I think about it. Another reason being the way you write. I was able to immerse myself into the story and imagine what I was reading in my head, one specific case of this I remember was when Draco made Reader and himself late to school. When he was fidgeting in the passengers seat, his hair unkempt, I could almost see him. I imagined draco with his messy platinum hair, wearing a muggle polo shirt because its just so posh rich kid of him, nervous as he leaned over the middle compartment into the backseat as he performed that glamour spell. I've never been very creative and imaginative but with your writing it was easy for me. It reminded me of how I was able to do the same when reading the Harry Potter books, being able to almost live in that universe in my head was so refreshing. Anyways this is really long, SORRY, but when I saw that you also had a Tumblr (as I originally read your stories on AO3) I just had to look. I scrolled through your page for a while and I gasped when I eventually saw that you posted what you started on writing for a continued ending? (I don't know how to phrase it I'm sorry 😭) I read it and while WoO is still breaking my heart over and over again, I think I'll be able to think about it for longer than 5 minutes at a time without bursting into tears now. So thank you. 🩷

AHHH i’m so upset bc i typed out a whole response and the fucking tumblr app (count ur days staff) deleted it urghhh

anyway some points i’d like to hit (apologies for the length but i just wanted to give this the response it deserved):

1) first of all THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHABKYOU this was genuinely the highlight of my whole year. people like you are the reason i write and i’m being so genuine when i say that this message is like the kind of stuff i dream about getting as a writer. so in conc i’m kissing you on the mouth you didn’t need to but you wrote all of this out and for that i’m forever grateful

2) some thoughts on the ending: first of all IM SORRY lmaoo. i’ll let u in on a little secret: i actually originally planned on a completely different ending where y/n ended up using the box right off the bat and went back to england and spent the last half of the fic learning magic and interacting with the golden trio crew/the malfoys. i told this to a few writer friends and they made me realize that it wouldn’t be as useful in actually answering the silly question that i based the whole fic on (what would draco do if he was plopped in the middle of muggle america?). i decided then that i really was more interested in learning how draco’s character would develop as he came to love someone who was fundamentally differently from him (and didn’t first go through a change that departed from her basic character traits). from then on i realized that a happy ending wouldn’t involve either of them giving up their world at the end of the summer, since they needed to grow up a little bit (and at that point i was old enough to find the idea of giving up your entire life for a relationship at 18 completely terrifying). hence the sad ending…but i think in the long run it means that they end up having a much healthier dynamic later on!

3) if you want to know about what happened after the deleted scene you found: i left the ending so open because i always thought i’d come back to write another series where i explored what happened after, but i don’t think i’ll end up doing that so i’ll tell you what i was planning. i always imagined y/n eventually going to england after graduating and getting established in her career and learning magic (because like literally who wouldn’t if presented with that option). draco is just kind of like a stay at home husband who’s just psyched to be there.

4) thank you so so much for your note about how immersive WoO was!! i’m ngl i’ve always struggled with incorporating imagery into my work. i spent my formative years avoiding anything i considered to be purple prose and that really reflected in my writing. i’m not a super visual person so if i could mention the 3 details i think are important in each scene and could just get on with the meat of the plot, i would, so i’m so thrilled to hear that it was able to give you that experience as a reader despite the fact that i’ve always been worried that i can’t 🥹 thank you again for telling me all of this bc it genuinely warmed my heart i know that this is a little disjointed but oml this like made my day

ill stop talking now because i’m gonna get even more incoherent okok but thank you!!!!! <3

#dee overshares #legendary anon

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tweakerist · 11 months

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so i got an ask about the minor background relationship thats gonna be included in nyi saying that they're gonna stop reading nyi because they don't like the pairing. im not gonna answer to the ask because i feel like i have to make a general post about it since i have a few things to say that i think anyone who reads nyi should know, so here it is.

first of all, i wanna make it clear that i completely understand. if anyone ever finds that my writing isn't up to their standards or personal preference, then it's completely okay to move on from it, it's always up to the reader to decide if they want to keep supporting my fics or not. i'm not putting a gun to your heads and forcing you to like what i do, you can walk away whenever you feel like it, my feelings won't be hurt (unless you're rude about it) and even then, i got a thick skin and i promise you i'll live lol

now, regarding this particular ask. sadly for you, anon, yes, the pairing that's gonna happen (as i mentioned before in an older ask, it'll be in the background and it'll only be implied) is in fact style (stan and kyle) and i understand if you really hate that concept so much that you think you can't keep reading just because crumbs of it will be sprinkled in. sure, it's sad to know that it's such a big deal breaker for you, but everyone has things they like and things they don't like and that's fine. i do hope that, in the future, maybe you'll give my writing another chance. this is all i have to say if your intention was to let me know that you no longer support nyi.

however, im autistic and reading between the lines is kind of hard for me sometimes, so just in case, if your intention was to stop me or try to persuade me not to include this storyline in nyi, unfortunately, i'll have to say no.

i think it's clear to see (or at least i hope that it's clear to see lol) that i tend to prioritize personality traits and character development over having big, convoluted plots, it's kind of my guilty pleasure ngl, and believe it or not, even tho nyi isn't written down completely, i have been planning this fic for a while, and everything i want to include in it has already been set.

when i decided that stan was gonna have a part in nyi, or literally any other character that isn't craig, you'll see that their actions that are described in detail are always related to craig and the impact they have in HIS life. take this for an example, in case i'm not explaining myself correctly, when stan quits his job at nebula records, he has a personal reason for it that i know of (because i plan to write a different fic from his point of view) but you, the reader of nyi, you're completely unaware of why he does it, and you only know what craig knows, which is that he now has a job at a record shop thanks to stan quitting. that's it. you see stan, you read his name and you know the role he plays only in regards of how his own decisions affect craig's life. so, that's exactly how everything else will unfold regarding any character that isn't craig himself! i can assure you, nyi won't deviate from its own plot, it won't sideline craig and tweek's story to prioritize stan and kyle or anyone else for that matter.

so, why am i so insisting on this pairing happening if the focus will only be in craig (and tweek)? well, for now all i can say is trust me, you'll have to see for yourself when it happens, but i can tell you this, if i decided to include it in nyi, then it has a purpose, which means, as i've explained before, that it will have a significance in craig's life in one way or another.

#nyi fic #sorry for the rant #i just needed to get it off my chest

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obscenity · 2 years

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⛧ ; hiihi

thank you for your response, again! do you have any favorite things about being schizoid or ones that you consider positive?

also, do have any views on szpd in the sense of it being a disorder and all that? i find it interesting because it's technically considered among the Serious Mental IllnessesTM and personality disorders (the latter of which makes sense but i wouldn't be surprised if people with other pds find it much harder to deal with theirs) but i don't really perceive my experiences as.... suffering? ill? or the like? perhaps it's because some other pds tend to come with intense emotions and i'm just. dissociated all the time pfff. the way i am feels normal to me, even if neurotypicals would consider schizoids very confusing or hard to understand or abnormal in general. though then again i have this sorta mindset that suffering and pain = negative emotions that are felt, like sadness or anger. not Nothing. emptiness isn't negative if you compare it to feeling upset. sure, there's supposed to be fullness, perhaps, but i don't view it that way aha. but regardless it's funny when you're neurodivergent with little awareness about others no matter what your neurodivergence is, because i can't comprehend neurotypicals are unlike me and that i'm supposed to be the weird one. i've always called them aliens instead aha. i'm perfectly normal To Me, so what're the weirdo neurotypicals on about? (/joke but also i do think that way.) i figure it's just interesting to think about.

hiiiiii again sorry it took me so long to answer this time ive been busy being insane (playing tower of fantasy)

anyways . for me it really depends on the day. sometimes i have a lot of fun just reveling in my space and existing with entirely 0 responsibilities and obligations from other people. its very nice. i like to imagine a future in which i continue to exist as i am now (doing absolutely nothing. at least for another 2 weeks before i have 2 start college) and i dont find myself upset by it. i dont find myself being sad or feeling lonely if i continue living in my own little world where no one is ever allowed in. im not overly upset at the possibility i might just be single for the rest of my life. im content to coast through life feeling very little. though like i said, it depends on the day. sometimes i get really mad at myself (im angry more often than sad) and wonder why i cant just be "normal". and why its so hard for me to just talk to people. its an uphill battle just to remain in peoples lives. its very difficult for me because i rarely, if ever, am the one to reach out first or message people first. i just dont, im often not thinking about other people for long enough to want to text first. which obviously means most other people take this as a sign of me not being interested. which isnt always the case with me. i just dont like being the person to do it. im terrible at putting effort into relationships because it just feels so ... hard. and not worth the fight to keep someone in my life. i often think things like "if they really wanted to stay, they would have" when i drift apart from people. of course i know relationships have to go both ways, realistically i know one person cant just always put in the effort. but the little schizoid devil that sits on my shoulder tells me otherwise. (if you were wondering the angel would also be the schizoid. ie the euphoria of cancelling plans and avoiding social situations)

i do consider it a disorder (because my nothing is in equal parts enjoyable as it is suffering) but youre right in that it just does feel very normal to me. ill probably never go to therapy for it, as its not something thats so debilitating to me that i need "fixed". theres nothing to really fix, i think this is just how i am. im not really interested in putting allthe effort in to make myself "normal" when i have no problem with myself in the first place. and i dont really consider myself abnormal, i dont really care honestly. i dont care if people think im a creep... or that im a weirdo.... or a freakazoid or whatever. im too busy having a superiority complex anyways

#i think i got a little off track on this one mybad .#asks #⛧ anon #long post

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attink · 2 days

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ive had some weird dreams about my assaulter and his girlfriend recently. i think because april 30th of last year was the day i found out about everything, and my brain goes crazy about that sort of thing.

about a week ago i dreamt that i got a notification on my phone that said ***** ****** is coming to visit you! and i got extremely freaked out. my case didn’t go anywhere and there is no no-contact order, but he did visit my workplace on purpose after i found everything out, and had planned on transferring to my college at some point. after the police, though, he seems to be staying away from me, and only his girlfriend started showing up to my job (to walk around, buy nothing, look at me, and leave) I’m afraid of having no safe space. and i’m afraid that he’ll realize i can’t do much if he decides to come around where i work. sometimes, in a very fleeting way, im scared that he’ll want to come find me. the dream ended very shortly with me freaking out and looking out my windows for his car.

I can explain myself more with this next dream. Later, i dreamt that I was looking through my easter photos, only they weren’t mine, they were my assaulter’s girlfriend’s photos. I kept looking, scared that i would see his face in them, but i didn’t. Weird, right? This is the girl that my assaulter was with before me, and after me, (and truthfully i’m not sure if they’re still together but frankly i don’t care). In our own relationship he assaulted me several times. After the breakup, she asked me if he had r*ped me. I told her what happened to me (none of which i truly consider r*pe) and she told me the reason why she asked. for months i minimized my pain because she had gone through worse. in literally every way he treated me wrong, she got it worse. I felt sorry for her, i didnt hate her, and i compared my own pain to hers. Eventually, while i still had a case, i had to explain why i didn’t go to the cops immediately for mine. (i hoped it was an accident. him being a repeat assaulter changed my view)… then i got the “hate mail”, as i put it. it was from her, telling me how disgusting i was for butting into their lives, and how i should mind my business and move on. how i was petty, pathetic, delusional, and she pitied anybody who ever had the misfortune of coming into my life (her words, my friends and i would later laugh over this). So essentially this girl defended our assaulter to me after i tried to get some justice/at least make sure there was a record so he wouldn’t try to do that again. for months she came to my workplace (the word “stalk” has been used and that freaks me out) but luckily i haven’t seen him in almost a year and her in half.

and then.. last nights dream. I was sitting in some sort of class or church and lo and behold, this girl is sitting next to me. I ignore her, she ignores me, perfect. then somehow we’re away from everyone having a verbal argument. I don’t remember what she said, i just remember saying “you know what? its okay that you didn’t tell anyone or get help. I didn’t. Not until i knew what happened to you. im just trying to make sure it doesn’t happen again to anyone else, not even you. It’s like we said on the phone, whoever ends up with him will have to deal with this for the rest of their life.”

and then.. she was crying. In a perfect world, she’d get away from this guy and find someone decent. see that he’s not worth it. But as far as i know, there’s a girl out there still dating her assaulter and feeling fine that she told his other victim to fuck right off. I don’t think about it much, because its none of my business what two bad people are doing together, but i am frequently glad that im the one who’s not in the picture anymore.

there is no real point to this post besides reflecting on this stuff and reminding myself why i might be dreaming about my assaulter and some girl. i feel like if i didn’t, my brain would convince me that dreaming about people who hurt me isn’t natural

#sa survivor #tw sa

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meeverywheresblog · 3 months

Text

Aging

Hi. It's me again. I remembered today this account randomly when I thought that I would love to write down what I think about life. I know I said I'd post here weekly or daily and that never happened. I completely forgot about this account and I never wanted to write down any thoughts. However, here are we now.

I wanted to update me since I realized now that I have a remembering issue. I don't know how my brain works but I don't remember promising myself to post here or anything. I remember finding this account at some point but I thought I never posted again.

Since I want to buy a new notebook to write down my feelings and thoughts but I don't have time/money to do since, I have decided to use this account now.

A quick update to myself so I would never forget:

I moved out a new apartment during the same year. I believe I moved out in Oct or Sep not sure. It is way better than the first 2 apartments I used to live in.

I couldn't find love since people are very sexual and weird over there.

I touched the grass and lived the moment since I have double my salary now when I decided to resign from the company I used to work at. I bought new clothes, I dyed my hair in a way that makes me look like a cool version of me which is not true. I am not that cool.

I go to new places, I stopped violin courses and I didn't go to the gym or signed for dancing classes.

The only things that happened to me in my own brain and the new thoughts that are controlling me are:

I don't want to work my relationship with my family. I feel like it's now seriously over. I don't miss my mom, I don't want to see her. I even don't remember her on a daily basis unless she sent me a msg. We have a crowded month in the work so we decided to have only 1 day off and the whole plan got changed and we still have 2 day off. I'm still leaving my mom under the impression that I have 1 day off so we won't meet. I don't know why would like to meet her. I don't have things that I want to share. However, I will meet Aunt Hala today and I think about talking to her about these stuff. Not sure what will happen.

I stopped talking to one of the closest friends to me. I won't share her name here in case we won't talk again only bec I would like to know if in months I opened this account again will remember her? or will we be friends again? not sure what will happen and Ill leave it to future me to live the moment.

I'm now 22 and in 8 months I will be 23. For some reason I became more aware of my age even though when I wrote down now that Im 22 it felt like Im so young. However, that is not happening inside my head. I feel like Im so old and every day i spend in bed rotting I feel like I wasted a day. Im not sure what happened that resulted in me feeling like that however its not normal bec i just bought the iphone i was dreaming of, a new TV and became more able to use the money to live my own lifestyle after realizing that I was the problem not the money itself.

Im more into having a routine with fixed schedules and I now love waking up at 7 AM. I learned how to cycle (im not that good yet).

I came to realize that now I not that strong. Now I am weaker and changing my lifestyle didn't make me strong but instead made me realize that im a very very sensitive person. I have a lot of flows and now i have a lot of brand new feelings that im not used to. i downloaded a book about self love and I was impressed since i have always judged people who did so. I didn't finish the book of course which is expected from me however I knew that i don't face my feelings and I tend to try to remove them completely if they are -ve feelings. I don't like feeling jealous and I tend to think low of me if i did so. I now don't have the courage to confess or confront people. In all my phases in life i used to think whether it is the best or worst version of me and now I don't know. I think Im most confused person ever and i don't even know yet what id like to do with my life. ill try to brag about my life to my aunt today only to seek for validation and see if she can help me enhance the quality of my life. if i didn't have the time or the courage to do so, then im completely alone as well. i am lost in my own thoughts and I don't know what to do. i hope life will at some time be better and easy for me which is a very hard thing to do in Egypt.

The best thing worth to mention is: I finally feel a slight happiness in my life which is not always the case but it is a brand new feeling. thanks to me for at least trying :)

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sungbeam · 11 months

Note

hi duckie, i just wanted to drop by your inbox and tell you that i completely understand where you’re coming from. as a first-gen college student, my mom has always been my “why” and is one of the reasons that i chose to pursue stem over literature. i’m not entirely sure if what i have to say will be of any help to you but this is what i have to offer.

the transition from high school to college can definitely be a struggle no matter what major or career you choose to pursue. with the society that we live in today, stem careers tend be of “higher” value and earn more money compared to the humanities but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’ll make you happy. when it comes to passion, we often think of it as something that comes naturally or something that’s just a “given” but that it isn’t entirely the case. passion requires action and investment and it is also something that can change over time.

it’s completely ok not to know what you want to do in life. people can put us in boxes through our careers by defining us as “artists” “doctors” “mechanics” “chefs” and everything else that there is but i don’t think life is meant to be defined, it’s something to experience. at the end of the day, your mom would just want you to be happy. in no way are you a problem child, you’re just someone currently undergoing problems and that’s ok, it happens to everyone.

in a class that i took before, my professor told me something that has stuck with me ever since. she said “there are three keys to happiness. find someone to love (whether it be yourself or another), have something to do, and have something to look forward to.” if you have those three things in whatever form they appear then you’ll most likely ok. it may not feel like everything will be ok right now but one day it will be.

hey, thanks bun. yeah it just seems like stem becomes the more and more stable option nowadays, which is part of the reason why i chose it. that's really cool that ur a first gen college student, ur mom must be proud, i hope.

it's hard to put things into perspective sometimes, ik that it's going to be okay—i tell that to everyone. it's just hard taking my own advice. It's hard taking it when i witness and experience my own struggles firsthand when everyone else seems to be doing just fine. and ik that that's a universal and not unique experience either, but it's isolating. it feels like all my peers and the people i specifically meet excel at something in their life and idek what i excel at. i don't have a plan to fall back on; if this doesn't turn out, if this doesn't work, i feel like im doomed to failure or doomed to burn out. and after everything i've been given on a silver platter? it feels pathetic.

thank u for the quote, i'll write it down somewhere and make it visible for myself. i really appreciate it a lot, bun. thank u

#sungbeam strikes again #moot ❧#bun 🐇

0 notes

tittyinfinity · 1 year

Text

Rant below

Gonna have to set some boundaries with ANOTHER neighbor....

I'm known as the Babysitting Neighbor™️ since I don't currently work which is totally cool, I get paid and it distracts my son, but we're having another case of them not telling me the full plans until they're dropping their kid off

Like this is the first time I'm watching this kid, he's 5. His mom texted me saying "it'll only be for 6 hours, 8:30am-2:30

Guess what time they showed up? 7

And then she tells me "I'm off at 2:30 so it'll be about 4 when I'm back"

And im like....girl that's a whole 3 more hours

Anyway I was too tired to say anything about it this morning, she said she had to get an uber bc her tires got low due to the negative temps outside & that's why she was leaving early, she had to get going, I wasn't gonna make her late. But next time she asks me to babysit I'm telling her she needs to tell me the exact times

Like idk honestly I almost feel like I should ask for $10 more than she's already paying me just because she made me wake up an hour earlier on a day where there's no school. Plus I mean. She's asking me to babysit 50% longer than originally stated. But I can't just randomly ask for more money from a single mom who just told me that she can't replace her tires because she's so broke she can barely afford rent. Ugh. Yeah, yeah, not my problem, I'm broke too, whatever. But I've been a single working mom making like $60 a day paying $20 a day for a babysitter (granted it was a teenager watching my kid) and that was a whole third of my income. I don't feel like I should be asking for more money whenever I used to pay that much for a sitter for a toddler, ya know? Typing this out just made me think that through lol I know I'm not being consistent

Everyone's always telling me to stand up and demand the compensation I deserve, but look man, I don't really have to do much when these kids are over. I mean, there's always more than 1 kid here so they entertain each other. In fact, I can get even more stuff done bc it means my son isn't constantly asking for my attention. So again I don't feel like asking for more is necessary

And I know I complained about this exact thing with my other neighbor, but after confronting her like, 3 times, she finally started communicating with me better and paying me more.

I'm not really looking for advice (just posting this for myself for reference, sadly it's easier for me to find and reread a tumblr post of mine than it is to find something in my own notes on my pgone)

I'm just complaining that I have to say anything to this woman in the first place after already having to set this boundary with another neighbor. Its getting fucking exhausting

Side note, this kid has the thickest, silkiest black hair I have ever seen on a child in my life, and I am so jealous of his natural hair

#rant

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youmustthinkyouknowme · 2 years

Text

Congratulation.

as im writing this, i am very well aware that i am ashamed of myself too, for not talking a little longer with you at saturday. just a typical scared girl: saying "HELLO YOU!! CONGRATULATION" and immediately runaway, what a fucking pathetic way of saying goodbye.

i'm cursing myself too for not having the courage to stare at you a little longer, for even just a moment. those deep dark brown eyes, glitch in every light streak in its own way, feels like you want to go swim in it. Who doesnt want to stare at it for days? sure everyone will, but not me in that day not because i dont want to. you know i just can't, knees went weak, sweating forehead, running out of breath. maybe if i have the courage to, i still am petrified of how i may blurting it out loud voluntarily and for real i dont really want to risk it all. even if it makes peace with the heart, but no. nothing comes any great than respecting another heart right (?), even you have to burn yours.

uhm...this post means nothing actually, not that you will ever find out but in case you do, i have to state my intention in the first place to get it crystal clear.

first and foremost, i do wanna say sorry for liking you in the most wrongful way & time & circumstances etc. it is not that im brainless (well sometimes) but not this time, bimbo is a trait & yet now i dont care if im one. so call me whatever you like. 'a very brainless female of all time' 'WRONGTIME CREATURE' 'runaway like a child girl' or even 'the one that got away' i'm still ok with that one😀

back to the core of this post itself, i've been contemplating all nights & days what exact time did i fall for you? i guess i will never know, one time for sure, and i really do apologize for this, it was back then, cardiology's week, it's either i asked you for a ride or you did offer me ((doesnt matter)), i woke up late, the next thing i did was to call you, in my 'top tier panic moment in life', and you..why did you have to be so KIND and wait for me!?!?!?!?!?? and i did feel calm the afterwards BIG THANKS TO YOU i guess??? it's around that time i see slight changes in my point of view for you.

big changes, there's another time, i dont remember the exact time but i guess it was the trip time, couple of trips. i realized i can’t look at you right in the eye HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. imagine being me, some occassions made me talk to you, just imagine the pain i’ve suffered for not looking directly at your eyes. big 'hufffff' moment. did i stole any glances? you bet.

sure there's a third time i fell spirally hard, when i already wait for the bst to come & yet you texted and offered me a ride??? & all of a sudden you are in front of me, so then i cancelled my plans the next time we have a same shift.

oh have i ever told you that you're super cool??????? now i told you so. i REALLY admire your hardworking self, the inspiration for everyone, the brave leader of all time and also mengayomi too. i do love your admirations toward working, honestly i look up to you many times in my desperation or 'give it a rest or give it up' moment, tp ya jdnya give it a rest aja apalagi kl udah liat post lo yg kebanyakan ttg job🥲

if i write this post in a full form, there might be an eternity to read for. so i have to cut it short, in the best way possible to confess couple of things that i will regret my wholelife if i dont do it now.

so to you, the 'august' real life form of a song, 'the 1' prototype i had in mind, the 'golden' in every beat that comes to, the calm in every storm, the cool one in every form, see you when we have the chance to.

i wish you a very success way of life, bcs well you deserve it doc!! and as for me, i wish nothing for us & i dont really want to fight with the time and what the world holds for us, but if there's another right time, well sure, let me know & we can talk it out. hopefully.

best luck on your new journey👋

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tarosin · 3 years

Text

the great adventures of y/n tommy tubbo jack and ranboo - how y/n made friends with everyone

this is an extra to the great adventures series

requested: yes/no

warnings: cursing

tommy

you were actually friends with tommy when he was streaming to a few viewers, and you even watched as his channel grew. eventually he asked you to mod for him, as he knew he could trust you and because had experience being a twitch mod. he was also the reason you began streaming. as for how you met, you were in the same classes as him in highschool, and since you were the ‘quiet’ person in the class, they sat tommy next to you. honestly, you hated him when you first met him and the feeling was mutual. you didn’t want to sit next to the rather loud teenager and he had no one to talk to anymore as his friends were on the other side of the room.

“do you ever talk?”

“heh?”

“i said do you ever talk...do you always do that”

“do what”

“that fucking HeH.”

“are you mocking me simons?”

“noooo why would i do that...”

“it’s y/n.”

“right, yeah, yeah, i totally knew that.”

“great now please leave me alone i’m trying to work.”

“loser.”

“the fuck did you just say?”

“nothing.”

it was that moment tommy decided he was going to make you just like him, and a few years later that’s exactly what he did. by year 11 you and tommy had grown extremely close. the last day of school arrived a lot earlier than expected, everyone was extremely stressed, no one knew what to expect or what was going to happen. you found yourself hanging around with tommy a lot more as you had no idea if you would both be going to the same college, in september you received a text message that made your night:

tommy: college sent out emails telling you if you were accepted go check

*2 minutes later*

tommy: well?

y/n: i got accepted

tommy: me too

y/n: call me right now

tommy: i’m about to stream..have you ever considered streaming?

y/n: absolutely not

tommy: make an account and stream after me i’ll raid you..make me mod you know how people can be

once college started up, you were slightly nervous the two of you would drift away from each other. however this was far from the case, although you both did different subjects and he was only in on wednesdays, the pair of you would hang out together a lot more. he would be in your streams and vice versa, you would either be in his tiktoks, or you would be the one filming them.

“y/n make a tiktok we can be mutuals.”

“please god no.”

you spent so much time at his house either talking about random things, playing whatever game you could find, or streaming. he dragged you to every meet up he went on, allowing you to meet people such as niki, phil, and, wilbur. you didn’t know this, but he would constantly bring you up in conversations with dream, which eventually lead to you joining the smp in october where you would later be able to meet the likes of jack, technoblade and jschlatt. the only person you didn’t seem to see on the server was his other friend tubbo.

ranboo

you had become friends with scott after being his first twitch mod and when he noticed you started streaming, he was extremely supportive, always raiding your stream once he ended his. today you found yourself bickering with scott because he wouldn’t let you in mcc despite the fact you were ‘the best minecraft player.’

“y/n, i watched you die in minecraft 7 times last night within 5 minutes.”

“oh i’m sorry mr perfect, let me in mcc.”

“no.”

“fine i’ll make my own.”

and that’s exactly what you did..well you tried your best.

you started your stream as soon as scott ended and had him call you on discord after explaining to your chat what you were about to do.

“scott final chance let me in mcc, i’ll settle for access to the practice server.”

“fine.”

“REALLY?!”

“absolutely not!”

“fuck you, ill be in it one day!”

you left the call telling chat you didn’t need that negative energy in your life.

you really have scott to thank for you making friends with ranboo, scott made a tweet explaining what you were doing on stream which caught ranboos eye.

Smajor1995: after not making it into mcc again my good friend @y/n has decided to take it upon themselves to make their own on stream!! ill also be in the stream (if they answer my calls) *twitch link*

ranboo joined your stream and was instantly met with you yelling at scott (again) to let you in mcc.

“IM YOUR TWITCH MOD!”

“i will ban you from mcc!”

“you don’t have the nerve... so he left the call this is bullshit watch me land this water bucket clutch down this ravine so we can find axolotls and build an army.”

*you died*

you pulled your hood over your face before sinking down your chair taking a deep breath.

“FUCK!”

you calmly got back up and looked into your camera.

“i was so close, so very close.. HEY CHAT SCOTT SENT ME A LINK TO THE SERVER!”

a few minutes later you were able to get onto the server, only to be kicked less than a minute later. the reason you were banned being ‘i watched you fail the water bucket clutch down a ravine.’

you continued your build on your server and just spent the rest of the stream talking about anything that crossed your mind, that was until you decided to copy ace race. once finished, you looked into your camera and pulled your microphone closer to you.

“so this is race ace, so scott doesn’t sue me, and basically it’s going to be this course, but i’m going to change a random section practice it every day, not tell anyone it changed. of course i’m going to tell my team we have to win, oh fuck i forgot scott was watching my stream..it’s okay he didn’t hear me he’s too busy planning how he can rig the next mcc.”

ranboo found himself enjoying your content and even noticed you in his chat multiple times.

“just a minute chat i’m just sending an important dm to my mods.”

that’s when you noticed chat paused for a minute after you sent a message, it confused you for a minute before realising ranboo made you a vip on his channel and you decided to do the same for him on your channel, from there you added each other on discord. the pair of you made friends extremely quickly, you were constantly part of his streams as you would call him on discord not realising that he was streaming.

“hi y/n, by the way i’m streaming”

“i just wanted to ask if you knew how to break into a house?”

“....why”

“i locked myself out by accident and my parents are asleep come help me.”

“you are in the uk.”

“okay? catch a flight.”

chat honestly loved you and your friendship with ranboo. the pair of you only met a few weeks ago and you were already acting as though you had known each other for years.

jack

you and jack met for the first time on the smp, which would have been fine, however you met during lore and your characters weren’t exactly the best of friends. once lore had ended, everyone said their goodbyes and left the call. a few moments later you received a discord message from jack asking if you were available to call any time soon. since you were back in lockdown, you had plenty of free time. you arranged a time and date a few days later you called jack, where you had your first proper interaction out of character.

“hello jack!!”

“oh hi y/n i just thought it may be a good idea to get to know each other, well you know considering we’re both on the dream smp.”

“yeah, yeah, i understand what you mean.”

the pair of you ended up getting along with each other, it was slightly awkward for the first 5 minutes of the call, but that was expected since you hadn’t really met jack before and were anxious to call him. however, after that the conversation started to flow and you found out the pair of you had a lot in common making it easy to come up with things to talk about. it ended up feeling as though you were catching up with a friend you hadn’t spoken to for a while.

“has anyone told you your accent is really strong.”

“so is yours, y/n, what the fuck is that supposed to mean.”

“it means your accent is strong, duh.”

jack asked if you’d like to stay in call and join him on the smp whilst he streamed, and you gladly accepted the offer as you really didn’t want to do your college work, and you were enjoying your time with him. a few minutes into the stream jack had killed you several times.

“JACK STOP KILLING ME!”

rather than answering you he just sat laughing. he then went on to attempt to mute him microphone, he failed. however he didn’t realise this, so you sat listening to his plan on how he was going to kill you again. this time you were prepared, you sent a message to tommy telling him to log on along with your location. few minutes later tommy was by your side and helped you kill jack several times for revenge.

“Y/N...TOMMY!!”

“you didn’t mute your mic, so i told tommy you were bullying me.”

“im gonna go...BYE JACK, BYE Y/N, ILL SEE YOU SOON!”

“i can’t believe you.”

“hey you’re the one who didn’t turn your mic off.”

“how did you know?”

“i had your stream on my other monitor.”

“ayeee you watch my streams?”

“...i’ve been a sub for 4 months.”

the two of you stayed chatting and playing for another hour. the pair of you were already so close and you had only met each other the other day. this was just the start of your friendship, soon enough you were in a laugh and the stream ends challenge on his stream, however due to lockdown rules this was done over discord leading to you accidentally leaving the call several times.

“and they’re gone again!”

*4 minutes later*

“SORRY JACK IM BACK!”

“stop leaving y/n!”

“oh i’m sorry, let me just go yell at my wifi to stop cutting out!”

a few seconds later you could be heard faintly in the background screaming at your wifi as it would continue to buffer. as soon as restrictions were over one of the first things you decided to do was go to jacks and stream a laugh you lose where there was a punishment if you were responsible for losing the last heart. however everything was apparently hilarious in person as you would constantly laugh, meaning you were responsible for losing the last heart.

“y/n give me your phone.”

“no.”

“you lost let me tweet from your account”

“fine..”

soon enough your fans and friends with your notifications on received this twitter notification

“y/n: jack is so cool and funny he is also really tall i am not”

tubbo

tubbo was actually the last person you met and made friends with, your community were convinced for some reason that you both didn’t like each other and that’s why the pair of you didn’t talk to each other. this was far from the case you were both waiting for the right time, tubbo was an extremely busy teenager and you didn’t want to interrupt him, and tubbo knew you were currently in a stressful position since you had recently joined the dream smp, also you were still meeting people so he didn’t want to stress you out. this doesn’t mean he didn’t want to be your friend, he actually asked tommy since he had been your friend for at least 4 years what would be the best way of getting to know you.

“mate they hated me when we first met, just talk to them or something. you could have met them the last time i went up to visit you, but they ended up not feeling too good and went back to the hotel room.”

“when are you next coming up?”

“how about next week, and i’ll bring y/n, i really don’t understand why you’re nervous tubbo, it’s y/n they wouldn’t hurt a fly..well hmm.”

“see you next week then!”

a week later tommy dragged you to the train station.

“uh tommy where are we going?”

“...on a train.”

“no way, really? oh my god!”

a few hours later you finally got off the train.

“ill go with my dad to check into the hotel room, do you want to come with us or?”

“i think i’ll go for a walk and stretch my legs.”

“right okay, meet you at the beach later”

you spent a few minutes walking around the beach picking up any rocks and shells that caught your eye, little did you know it would result in you meeting tubbo. once you finished putting your new collection in your pockets you noticed a small crowd of people walk up to someone asking for pictures assuming it was tommy you walked over to the boy, it wasn’t tommy it was in fact tubbo. at first you stayed silent not wanting to really cause attention to yourself. you only spoke up when some people started to make inappropriate comments towards him.

“oh sorry to be a pain guys me and tubbo have plans with tommy in a few minutes, we should go so we’re not late. bye guys.”

you smiled and waved as they walked away. you looked over to tubbo, you could tell he was still pretty anxious about what just happened and honestly if you was in his position, you would react the same way.

“we should probably move from here incase they come back and see you’re still here, are you okay?”

“im feeling better now it’s over..thank you”

“oh it’s no problem i’m, y/n btw.”

“wait you and tommy were still meant to be on the train.”

“the train was actually on time, tommy went to check into the hotel i wanted to stretch my legs, i also wanted to collect some rocks.”

“did you collect enough or did you want more?”

“im not going to say no if you wanna go collect some with me.”

the pair of you walked around keeping each other close incase the people from before returned. half an hour later, the pair of you sat on a bench close to the beach so you could show tubbo everything you decided to pick up, he ended up keeping a rock he liked to have as a memory. tubbo wrapped an arm around you as it was getting cold whilst you watched the sunset.

“tubbo i think tommy forgot about me.”

“you can spend the night at mine, i’ll send him a message to let him know.”

“are you sure?”

“of course!”

“this has to be the most unsafe thing either of us will ever do, we hardly know each other and now i’m staying at yours.”

tommy sent you a message explaining that he didn’t forget, there was a problem at the other hotel and they had to go find another one, but you’ll be fine to stay at tubbos for the night. the pair of you spent the entire night learning as much as you can about the other person. it had only been an evening but you already knew the pair of you would be great friends.

taglist:

@dumb-chaotic-bi-energy @uselesssapphickitten @l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @kylobensgirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing @reverse-iak @renleicrashed @c1loudee

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reidsnose · 3 years

Text

love letters

overview: spencer has a wonderful idea after finding out that reader had never gone to her senior prom

genre: fluff fluff fluff

a/n: i mixed two ideas that have been sitting in my notes app for this lol but i think its sweet!! i wrote it a little rushed and definitely not bc im not getting a prom this year due to miss rona👀 LMAO but as always please lmk what yall think ab it :)

masterlist

the idea had fully occupied his thoughts the second after the words left your mouth.

it was "the buttcrack of dawn" as you had called it, though spirits were high on the late jet ride home. it was a rare but much needed positive end to the case, and everyone was happily chatting with each other. since the case was involving high schoolers, the subject fell on prom. everyone went around sharing their prom stories one by one, recalling awful dresses and questionable dates til the questions turned to spencer.

"what ab you, pretty boy, what was your prom like?" morgan asked, still smiling widely from recalling his own.

you watched spencer shift uncomfortably for a second.

"i uh..i never went to prom." he stammered, a tight lipped smile on his face.

"no! you just dont wanna tell us!" prentiss cried, throwing her hands in the air.

"i graduated high school when i was 12! why would i have gone to prom?" he reasoned.

"you had to have gone when you were older or something! everyone has!" jj countered.

"thats not true, i never went to prom either," you defended, subconsciously inching closer to spencer.

before anyone could even ask you to explain why, spencer got the idea. he mentally left the conversation after you gave your answer. he spent the whole rest of the ride home and the next couple of weeks brain storming and planning.

and casually after work one day, as he was walking you to your car, he asked you if you wanted to hang out with him that weekend; at his house.

you and Spencer had hung out before, but mostly at your house or at coffee shops; he didn't invite people over very often.

of course you agreed but you grew confused when he told you to dress fancy.

you raced home afterwards to raid your closet, looking for any fancy dresses you may have stuffed in there.

spencer spent the whole day preparing his apartment. he put up streamers and balloons. he made a playlist of all your favorite songs. and then he rushed to get his clothes from the cleaners.

and when you knocked at his door the breath that left your lungs struggled to come back after he opened the door.

he stood in a gorgeous suit, different than he had ever worn to work. he rubbed the back of his neck and gestured to the living room, revealing the adorable (albeit poorly made but its the thought that counts) decorations.

"um.. welcome to prom," he said, turning back to you, revealing a blushy smile.

he tried not to stare too much at you, but it was difficult. your eyes sparkled as you stepped inside and looked around. and the dress you were wearing fit you so gorgeously he truly couldnt take his eyes off of you.

"spencer, i..." you trailed off, enchanted by what he had done.

"sorry if it looks bad. or if you think its weird that i did this. i just thought cause neither of us went to prom maybe you wanted to have a little one with me? yeah now that i say it out loud maybe you hate it im sorr-" he rambled behind you.

you turned quickly to him as he got lost in his words, eyes glued to the floor. cutting him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him as tight as you could. you could feel the tension leave his body as he melted into the embrace, returning it gladly. he doesn't like to be touched by anyone really, except for you.

"i love it. thank you," you whispered, giving him one last squeeze before letting go.

he has a spread of snacks lying out on the coffee table which he has mooved to the corner of the room to make space for a makeshift dancefloor.

he turns on the music and you two start talking and dancing and laughing. two fools with four left feet completely and obliviously in love. well, oblivious the the other anyway.

a slower song came on, an old one that you had wanted to slow dance to ever since you were a little girl. and somehow naturally you two came together, his hand dropped to your waist, the other delicately cradling your own. your other hand found its way up to his shoulder, feeling as though a magnet was pulling you two closer. and closer.

he looked absolutely stunning. the soft lights he had strung around the apartment sparkled like stars in his eyes; its was...dizzying, in the most incredible way.

unbeknownst to you, as you stared at the stars in his eyes he was looking at his whole world that he had been somehow lucky enough to hold in his arms.

he held his arm out, allowing you to spin and when he pulled you back both of your arms ended up wrapped around his neck, and his around your waist. you were less dancing now and more...hugging. with your head pressed to his chest, he hoped with all his might that you wouldn't be able to hear his hammering heart. you most definitely could, but it was calming to know he was as nervous as you were. you smiled, listening more to his heart than the music he had played for you.

you were both sure that you could burst from pure bliss. the song ended a little too quickly for either of your liking and reluctantly you let go of each other. and suddenly Spencer was hit with the realization that he forgot something.

"oh my gosh," his eyes widened as he looked around the room.

"what?" you asked, mirroring him and looking as well.

"i can't remember where i left your corsage! i was gonna give it to you at the door but i forgot!" he exclaimed, running around the room checking shelves.

you smiled to yourself. he got you a corsage!

"ill help you look" you decided.

"please do," he chuckled.

"i thought you had an eidetic memory, shouldn't you know where you left it?" you joked, shooting him a smug smile.

"y/n, my brain was all jumbled to day and it wasn't just from being around you," he realized what he had said and quickly turned back to the shelf he was looking at, "could you check in my room please?"

his heart was racing at his own stupidity; how could he just say that so nonchalantly? he had been planning to tell you that he liked you for the longest time he cant afford slipping up and having it be anything less than perfect.

you slipped into his room, your cheeks warm from the idea that you make his big brain all jumbled. he probably didn't mean it like that, you were just looking too much into it.

you sighed as you crouched to look under his bed for it. you found a small wooden box that you slid out from underneath. it had your name on it.

is it normal to keep a corsage in a wooden box? you wouldn't know, you never went to prom.

you shrugged your shoulders, "i found it spence!"

with out thinking you opened the box, except instead of a band of flowers you were greeted with letters, all addressed to you. there were annotations written in the margins with purple ink. you furrowed your eyebrows as you scanned the various letters.

dear y/n,

today you complimented my glasses and my heart skipped a beat. thats dumb spencer dont start like that

dear y/n,

im in love with you. too forward

dear y/n,

you make life worth living. shes gonna think youre a creep

you felt a rush of euphoria fill your chest. did he really feel these things for you? your thoughts swirled in the most wonderful way. a wide smile broke across your face, butterflies running rampage through your stomach as you reread his words. his words addressed to you.

"oh thank God i really thought i lost-oh. oh no." spencer started as he walked through the door of his room immediately walking back out. you followed, blinking your watery eyes at him. "i can explain.

"i think youve explained enough, theres like 20 letters in here!" you chuckled, flipping through them.

"i didnt know how to tell you and i dont want to ruin what we already have and i-"

"it wasnt too forward." you stated, grabbing one of the letters.

"what?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"in this one," you held up the letter, "you wrote dear y/n, im in love with you. and then you crossed it out and wrote that it was too forward but i dont think it was."

"youre not mad?"

"mad? spencer ive been trying to admit the fact that im in love with you since i realized it myself, why would i be mad?"

"youre..you feel the same way?" he looked back up at you, a hesitant smile pulling on the corners of his lips.

"more so," you beamed, stepping closer.

he wrapped his arms around you, "thats good or else the rest of this prom would have sucked."

you chuckled, pulling him impossibly closer to you as another perfect song played.

ultra mega super cool taglist

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @spenxerslut @violetspoetic @aperrywilliams @b-a-utiful @eevee0722 @srhxpci @reidemandweep @imdefinitelyfloating @random-human-person @gurkiloni @luvspence @calm-and-doctor @ssavanessa22 @singularityjc @sydnee-kom-spacekru @sydneekomspacekru

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warmau · 3 years

Text

summer is supposed to be a time of happiness, of adventure and goofing around under the constant sunlight

and so when you start summer, you are all smiles and big dreams! unfiltered energy to do whatever you want!

and whatever you want is definitely

NOT spending even a day (actually three) in the hospital after you end up falling off your bike and breaking your ankle like the absolute unlucky person that you are

"that is so gnarly dude, my condolences"

chenle mutters, skateboard under hand and shaking his head

jisung nods in agreement beside him - still wearing his helmet even after your nurse gives him a look about it

"hey, at least you're getting all this free candy?"

jaemin motions, picking up a 'get better soon' box filled with chocolates from your uncle

he pops one in his mouth and haechan swats his hand away before he can steal any more

mark sighs and gives you a sad smile, renjun puts the flowers they all bought together in a vase by your bed

it's all a little too much - and you tell them it's fine, it's just an ankle and you'll be out of here in no time

they all agree, except for jeno who is sitting at the foot of your bed with his volleyball uniform still on and his duffel bag between his legs on the floor

you keep throwing glances his way because you have never seen jeno so quiet in your life

mark - who is the brains of your friend group (oddly enough) - catches the looks of worry

so he does what any good friend would do, he tells all the remaining members he saw a machine with snacks out in the hall and they all excuse themselves with 'see you soon!'s' out of your hospital room

jeno doesn't move a muscle

"how was practice? jaemin looks happy so im guessing you guys are going to be in great shape when school starts again?"

there isn't any response and jeno is almost hidden with the way his head is hanging low and his hands are clasped on his knees

"jeno-"

"it's my fault you're in here."

you puff your cheeks and cross your legs

"oh please! it's my own fault! is that why you're acting all sad?"

he doesn't answer and the lack of communication is making you nervous more than it is making you angry

jeno and you are close, to the point of knowing each other's parents by their first names and who your first kisses were back in middle school

he has never been one to lack the words for a conversation - at least not with you

you wish you could scoot closer and pinch his cheek or poke his forehead

but your cast is restricting movement and these days touching jeno feels......different

"i should have stopped you before you went down that hill, i was there and i couldn't save you-"

"jeno, im not made of glass and plus im not even that hurt!"

he finally shifts so he can look at your leg, propped up on the pillow and covered in its cast that has been brightly decorated with signatures and doodles

the way his gaze travels up your hospital gown and to you, you know he isn't registering anything you're saying

you sit up a little and hide the wince behind another set of promises to jeno that you are ok and you don't need him to blame himself when he has so much more going on on his plate

"you and jaemin are going to graduate after the upcoming semester and that means it's your last year with the volleyball team. you should focus on practice and being the best you can be - when i can get myself up on those crutches ill come visit to see how you guys are doing!"

he seems to soften, the sharp angles of his face that have just gotten more handsome as he ages still somehow manage to look sweet and youthful

he picks his duffel bag up off the floor and leans toward you like he's going to push some hair from your face or kiss your forehead

he's done both before - but this is the first time the gesture has made the blood in your veins stop and something imaginary clog in the back of your throat

instead of doing either jeno seems to buffer as he hovers above you, reaching out to fluff the edge of your pillow

"ok, but also you have to be serious about your recovery."

he pulls back and the same concern as before washes over him, his vocal tone lowers

"don't go doing anything dangerous."

you point to your cast with a half-smile

"i don't think that's going to be possible."

you get discharged from the hospital the next day, not that it brightens your summer any further, you basically just end up trading the hospital bed for the four walls of your own room

the group chat explodes with more well wishes

but you change the subject, all the pity makes you cringe

'how was volleyball practice?'

several people start typing - except for jeno

jaemin's reply comes first, 'it was good!'

followed by jisung's, 'but.....jeno didn't show up...'

renjun adds 'he said he wasn't feeling well - don't worry!'

you furrow your eyebrows

'has anyone visited him? does he need medicine?'

haechan texts something before anyone can really stop him, 'im pretty sure he's just being sad - if he had the stomach flu we all be sick. we eat together everyday.'

'haechan!' mark replies as jaemin sends a shaking his head emoji

'wait. jeno is sad?'

it goes silent and then suddenly jeno is typing

'im not sad, im fine. ill be at practice tomorrow.'

you let out a sigh you didn't know you were holding in

it's only natural that you, as jeno's friend, would be worried about him. at least, that's what you tell yourself.

to be honest - now that you're not out enjoying summer - you're more than ever stuck with your own thoughts and the most recent string of them is: what changed between you and jeno?

for years it had been easy going fun, the simple enjoyment of each others company

but ever since it started getting warm enough for t-shirts - there has been a shift in the central point of you and jeno's friendship

you are suddenly hyper-aware of how strong the outline of his arms looks.

you notice when he wears different cologne.

you see the way other people turn their heads to look at him when he walks by, the way they pick up on the handsome features that make up your best friend

and you can't help but feel something cruel and cold fester in the pit of your stomach when you think jeno might one day look back at that stranger ..... and notice their features too

you sit up, which is a mistake because you shift your foot and it makes you yelp, but you look at your phone again

the gc has moved onto topics of video games so you message jeno outside of it

'hey, if something is wrong you can tell me'

he reads the message and doesn't reply. you tell yourself that's totally fine.

a couple of weeks pass before anyone lets you limp out of the house by yourself

you've mastered crutches and when you really need something, one of your friends delivers it

although recently, it seems to be everyone but jeno

everything otherwise seems normal

no one really talks about volleyball - which is fine, you just assume they're busy practicing

and so you hobble down to the school gym that's still open for the student-athletes during the break and are secretly happy to bump into mark who helps you with the stairs

"by the way, don't be upset with him ok."

mark says before you enter the gym - you look at him with a raised eyebrow

"upset with who?"

mark swallows - just tilts his head and when you go inside you look everywhere, you see everyone, but you don't see jeno

"im guessing he isn't in the locker rooms?"

you ask mark with a deflated tone of voice, mark shakes his head

"he hasn't been to practice at all."

you can understand why no one had told you.

like mark said, they knew you'd get on his case about it - which is what you plan on doing when you end up on his front porch

jeno comes down with messy hair and basketball shorts on. he's not wearing a shirt and immediately you think you lose the ability to speak

"you shouldn't be walking around just yet."

he says and you frown

"it's been a while now, plus im not here about me. im here to ask what you think you're doing."

jeno crosses his arms and you hate the involuntary flex of his muscles.

actually, you don't hate it, you hate that you stare when you don't mean to.

he ushers you into the backyard and motions for you to sit on one of the patio chairs

he's still being the same thoughtful guy you grew up with but you're beyond confused

"are you quitting volleyball - why aren't you going to practice?"

"im not quitting. i just don't feel like it - i don't feel like doing anything."

you reach out with one of your crutches to poke him, he makes a face

"im the one with a broken ankle - im the one who gets to be depressed. c'mon, tell me what's really wrong."

jeno falls silent, you notice that he hasn't completely shaved and there's a bit of a shadow on his jawline

you swallow the sudden dryness in your throat

this is your best friend since you were kids. you are literally not going to think anything but pure thoughts from now on. ok. stop. don't you dare.

"that's the thing. you have a broken ankle, you can't even go to the beach and im supposed to do what - enjoy the summer without my best friend?"

he throws his hands up and you see an expression you barely ever get from jeno form on his face

"i could have stopped you from being reckless, i could have made sure you weren't in that stupid cast and that you could-"

"jeno!"

you cut him off and he looks at you, the momentary distraction of your newfound attraction to him dissipates as you grind your teeth

"i told you that it's no way your fault i got hurt - plus it's not like you personally broke my ankle and im not suffering torturous pain. things happen like this in life - don't beat yourself up about it!"

you wish you could get up to make your point, but the best you manage is a shaky lift grabbing onto your chair

jeno gets up to help you but you shoo him away

"it hurts me more to see you moping around on my behalf! did you think about that, how it would make me feel to hear that my injury is making you slack on the things you like?!"

he blinks and you suddenly feel a rush of different things

one is that you hate how he seems to be so full of pity for you, another is that you hate how he's kind of right about this summer being pointless now that you can barely move, but the last is that because of all these things happening you can't even properly wrap your head around the fact that you think you like him

and not in the platonic way you'd been beating on liking him your whole life

so to add this to the pile - you take your crutches and give him a stern look

"just start going to practice. i told you when i was in the hospital, i'll always come to cheer you on when i can. that doesn't change for me, broken ankle or not because you're my best friend and i want to see you succeed."

and i love you

you don't say the last part, you bite your lip back and although you can't storm off in your usual fiery passion, you make it out of his backyard and let a heaviness fall off your chest as you somehow manage to get back home

the sound of messages incoming on your phone are drowned away by your tiredness

i just want to be a source of happiness for you, i never wanted to be your burden jeno.

the next day there's a knock on your bedroom door - you tell them to come in and go wide-eyed when you see jeno there

he's in his volleyball uniform and he's holding something in his hands

"jen-"

"im sorry. you were right, i can't use you as an excuse to be lazy anymore. i brought these."

he hands you the tupperware of cookies and you are about to ask him if he made these when jeno's familiar, warm laughter fills your room

"i didn't make them, they're chipsahoy but i thought the gesture could count."

you look down at them - he's so silly.

you look back up at jeno's smile - i really love him.

"good. now go have fun at practice, ill visit you guys later in the week."

he comes closer to you and suddenly the air in the room stills, he leans over and you think you can feel the temperature of your skin rise to an unsafe level when he hooks his pinkie with yours

"promise?"

you nod and he disappears with a wave. you sit in your bed and hold the cookies.

maybe breaking my ankle and not spending every minute around him might actually have been a good thing.

as you promised, you show up to practice at the end of the week.

jeno is there and he lights up when he sees you, helps you with your crutches and everyone gathers around to tell you how thankful they are that you went and got jeno to comeback

jisung randomly sputters a, "the only person who can control him is you. it's like he's your boyfriend."

mark catches the look on your face before jeno does and flicks jisung on the head, "what do you know about dating - c'mon lets go get water for everyone."

the comment swims around your head for the entire time you're there - and you don't know it, but it swims around jeno's as well

when practice is over, jaemin offers to drive everyone home - no one agrees because they're probably terrified of his driving

and jeno says he'll be the one to walk you home

it's nothing unusual, you've been with jeno throughout your whole childhood, but there seems to be a weird pause among your group when he announces it

when you and him set off toward your house, mark does something weird - he winks at you and you take a second before

oh - he knows i like jeno doesn't he?

you can only go at the of the equivalent of snail's pace, and jeno matches it without complaint

you don't say anything and it makes it that much harder to distract the chanting about how good he looks and how you can't believe you're that person who fell in love with their best friend and how this summer is so confusing its almost vomit-inducing and-

"hey, would it be weird if i liked you?"

it feels like the earth itself has been dropped from the shoulders of atlas, you think suddenly all the gravity has gone and disappeared

you stop and look at jeno who sets his bag down on the asphalt

the boy you met when you were young is suddenly not a boy anymore, his shadow is tall and mature against the setting summer sun

"liked me?"

he scratches the back of his neck and then nods

"i had said i can't use your injury as my excuse to be lazy. i actually wasn't being lazy, i was just going through a hard time because i thought i had hurt the person most important to me in the world."

your heart thumps against your chest so hard it kind of hurts

"me?"

"yeah, and i realized your friend can be the most important person in the world - but i think it's different the way i feel about now......i like you."

"i love you."

you blurt it out before you can even really stop yourself, jeno looks shocked for about a second before it breaks into a big smile on his face

the one you haven't seen in what seems like forever, the one that feels genuine and right

"oh cool, i actually love you too - i just didn't know if i should say it-"

"can you come over here and kiss me, these crutches are kind of making it hard for me."

no one is surprised when you and jeno announce in the gc that you're going on your first date

mark tries to act it, but literally everyone is like finally - you do ask mark if he knew all along about how you felt and he goes i knew how you felt and how jeno felt. you two are open books.

the date isn't as thrilling as you both might have wanted, the broken ankle is still kind of getting in the way, so jeno takes you out to the lake and does all the rowing himself

you offer, since it's your hands, but he insists he can do it himself and he does. seriously, he's way stronger than you remember him being a year ago.

you guys eat on the grass when you get back and he effortlessly picks you back up onto your feet, you swoon everytime but try not to show it

and when jeno drops you off - he kisses you again, and this time he doesn't have to have you tell him to - he picks the perfect moment

being his best friend and dating him doesn't change too much, it's just you're now holding hands everytime you hangout and you're kissing in the back of jaemin's car much to his disappointment and well

it's just made everything easier - you're not wrapped in your head about what's different, because nothing is, you just are honest with how you both feel

jeno and jaemin even get visited by scouts for volleyball and when jeno tells you about it you try to jump up to hug him and he's like bABE CAST but too late you're like OW and he's like oh god oh god let me hold you

you're like jeno let's learn to bake cookies for real so we don't have to buy chipsahoy to give each other and he's down for it but then you both almost set the kitchen on fire and call renjun like ten times to ask about the recipe and basically you are both banned from baking again

your cast gets filled in with hearts from jeno...you let him lay his head on you when he's playing games on his phone and you're like watching him play and when you get bored you're like let's kiss instead

jeno leaves all his hoodies 'accidentally' over at your house because he knows you like wearing them but won't admit it outloud

the summer continues on until suddenly it's colder outside and the reality of school coming back dawns on everyone

and also, you get the date for when your cast will be removed

jeno asks if you're going to keep it once it gets cracked - you say you might, you woulnd't want to lose all those cute hearts he scribbled on them and he just smiles and kisses your forehead

"i'd scribble all the hearts everywhere for you."

"that's cute, we should save that for when we get married."

and you do save it for then - years later when you're showing jeno the design on your invitations

beside both your names is a cluster of different hearts, all doodled by jeno himself

"how'd you get these?"

"kept a part of my broken cast."

he stares at you with wide eyes

"im joking, i got them off a napkin you doodled on when we were at dinner."

jeno pokes his tongue out at you and you giggle as he wraps his arms around your waist as to not let you get away

the softness of your love and silliness of your friendship is still there

it'll always be there - through all the broken ankles, casts, and doodled hearts to come.

#weeeeeee now i only have two neos left #nct dream au #jeno au #nct dream scenarios #jeno scenarios #nct dream imagines #jeno imagines #lee jeno #nct dream #sfw #nostalgia au #nct dream x reader #jeno x reader

348 notes · View notes

oceanid-writes · 3 years

Note

aot matchup please!! (any gender is fine)

im an infj 9w1 taurus. i have pink hair currently, blue eyes, and freckles. i am nonbinary

for a few things about me - id say i can tend to be pretty kindhearted and selfless (i have been told). i can easily understand other's issues and have empathy for them, and often find myself helping out with those types of things, or taking on others needs as my own. as an infj, i love a good conversation. deep conversations where me and the other person forms a good connection. my hobbies are mainly drawing (something ive done all my life) but ive always loved activities on the internet (gaming, talking, etc.). im not super physically fit or athletic, and i can tend to be pretty clumsy and airheaded sometimes. im also pretty short (5'1). nsfw is fine by me <33

Honestly, I instantly knew who to pair you up with. I also did make it a little spicy but not very much so.

Yandere Attack on Titan Matchup

Warnings: Non-con, manipulation, yandere behaviour, stalking, dark themes.

Yelena is certainly... someone to have in love with you. Maybe not love, exactly, because when she first runs into you I'd say it's more of an obsession. Even though the reader in my fic is in a regiment, I don’t think that in most cases Yelena’s darling would ever be a scout. Trying to devote every fiber of her life to the titan who saved her, well, sometimes she finds herself straying a bit. It doesn’t matter much though, because in all the battles she puts herself in, she always sees an end goal, and few different ways to attain it. But until she met you, she never thought about after the war, only expecting to die and go down in history as some sort of important figure. Maybe, having someone to come home to could be nice. All she knows is that you could be the real light at the end of the tunnel, the prize she gets to come back to for implementing Zeke’s plan. Whether she comes home to you locked up and uncooperative or happily greeting her, it won’t really matter.

You’d be most likely to catch her eye, because I think she’d really look for docile and kind traits in someone, and if you can have deep conversations with her, that’s a total bonus. She also LOVES that you’re a little clumsy and airheaded, so that she can better assert her self as the dominant in the relationship and the breadwinner. Plus, easier manipulation, because she can always play the “You’re a little clumsy and daydreamish so you shouldn’t worry about things just let me do everything” card. I don’t think she’d look for someone very athletic or strong either (being taller than her darling is also a must-have) because she completely wants a housewife type partner. She’d prefer if you would cook and cuddle with her (she would never make you do housework or potentially strain yourself, and would get very angry if you did do it) after she comes home from a long day on the battlefront.

But, then again, you don’t have to be her perfect docile partner right away. She can tie you up and lock you in a dark cellar (with a lot of blankets of course so you won’t get cold) until you start to learn that your life is with her now. Yelena will cuddle and love on you about 60 percent of the time, and the other 40 percent is her trying to harshly force stuff she wants to happen onto you.

She truly believes that if you don’t share and accept her feelings, you are just incapable of making good decisions for yourself. You’re so sweet and naive, you might not know that she is the only person who can protect and take good care of you. This extends everywhere, even in the bedroom, and while she won’t force herself on you (unless you do something very big that makes her very very mad) she will try to coerce you into doing stuff with “I just want to take care of you properly” and other things like that. If you aren’t cooperating with her in general, she might try to pin you down to the bed and attempt to do something more personal with you to asset her place, but if you’re crying and struggling she’ll stop (though she will be like a wounded puppy for the rest of the day) and leave you alone.

Why won’t you just let her take care of you?

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