#does it eat skin cell until your a skeleton

[pleathewrites]

bellow the fire into my deadened lungs

chapter 4: i am the antichrist to you

(summary) | dabihawks, todoroki family, seroroki, kiribaku, aizawa & class of 1a, ua traitor

____________

DAY 1

____________

Bakugou Katsuki kicks the seventh rock that’s encountered his path in this hell of a street. He’s never been to this part of town, his cell service has never been so shit, and he’s convinced the last three people who’ve bumped into him haven’t showered in weeks.

He’s about to give up until he spots a vaguely familiar pair of blue sneakers. They’re torn, dirtied down into a shade of dull navy, but the four written initials still stretch across the midsole.

KH. NT. AT. 

The shoes are right, but the skin-wrapped skeleton of the body who wears them is someone Katsuki does not recognize. 

Dabi’s horrible rasp rings loud in Katsuki’s ears — ‘I’ve heard about you, it’s pretty easy to get info from hungry delinquents.’

Kemuri Hashiga and Nagai Tesaki, once bright and plump juniors, sit outside the worst halfway house Katsuki has ever fucking seen, passing around either a cigarette or a joint. 

The same boys who used to complain of their fathers’ smoking habits. 

‘Really? You don’t even keep up with the very kids that followed you around everywhere? Your ‘extras’? Man, maybe you are the perfect pick, huh. A little bully to quirk-less kids, you’ll fit in here just fine.’

Katsuki takes a deep breath, adjusts the hold of his wrapped bento, and stomps forward for answers. 

Kemuri’s black hair is wild as ever, but it’s the resigned look in his eyes that falters Katsuki’s step. 

“Long time, no see, Bakugou.”

And, Katsuki, well, he’s never been one to beat around the bush. He drops the towered bento between the two kids — ‘according to that patchwork son-of-a-bitch, they need to eat.’ — and demands, “What the fuck happened to you? You guys were rich.”

Long, spindly fingers snake around the bento like pale garden snakes. Katsuki suppresses a shiver, he never did like Nagai’s quirk — the sound his fingers would make when extending always reminded him of those overly-gory horror movies. 

Nagai doesn’t say anything. He won’t even look up, his face shadowed by greasy strings of hair that droop past his shoulders. 

Katsuki used to like his hair, it was always shiny and thick. Brown, with the most subtle highlights one could only see when it was spring and sunlight would beam from the classroom windows right over his seat. He used to complain of overheating during these times. Katsuki used to send small explosions around his chair to make him sweat.

‘I’m not like that anymore,’ Katsuki begs of himself. 

He squats down to their level and watches as the two tear into the bento like hungry wolves. 

He waits until they’ve had a few pieces of meat and some rice, “Where’s Akairo? I can’t find anything on him.”

“Dead.”

Katsuki whips his head to Kemuri, “What?”

“Yeah,” grains of rice dot the boy’s cheeks. Kemuri brings the bowl up to his face and licks the bowl clean, “Thought you knew. Dumbass made a deal to be some old fucker’s experiment — thought he’d get stronger, or something. He never got into a hero school, and he liked flying.”

Katsuki remembers. Akairo Tsubasa was a dragon-like mutant — ‘heteromorph, you can’t call ‘em that’ — who spent 90% of his day above ground. His favorite hero was Ryukyu, to which Katuski used to roll his eyes over and tell him, ‘There’s no use in idolizing a hero that can do the same thing as you. No one’s interested in what the world already has.’  

To his credit, Akairo usually would just laugh and respond with, ‘I don’t care about charts. I just want the license so I can fly without having to worry about getting fined or arrested!’

Katsuki latches onto the word, ‘experiment’. He can’t help but immediately think of the Nomus. 

“Was he killed?”

Kemuri nods, “Stain.”

‘Gods, no,’ Katsuki couldn’t explain it to himself, he couldn’t logicalize the cold feeling in his chest. If he were to be completely honest with himself, he wasn’t really friends with those three. He was their fucked-up cult leader and they were dumb enough, impressionable enough, hell, maybe insecure enough to have followed him around like loyal puppies. Half the time, he barely remembered their names — admittedly, that’s why it took him so long just to find them.

Katsuki sighs and looks at the building the two boys lean on. He studied the dilapidated state of the wood — not rotted, but splintered and discolored. Mismatched tree bark nailed hastily throughout like bandaids, the temporary last-minute fixes of an oozing, wounded thing. 

Katsuki clears his throat, “Why’re you two here, though. Did you run away from your homes?”

‘Were their homes as hostile as mine?’

The two have been scarfing down the contents of each bento bowl since the minute Katsuki arrived, but at this question, they both freeze. The knuckles of Nagai’s unstretched fingers turn white with the strength of his grip around the bowl.  

“We’re orphans,” Kemuri starts, and his voice is so low and strained, that Katsuki has to lean in closer, “Our parents died in a hero fight. Building caught on fire, there were no survivors.”

‘Gods,’ Katsuki rubs his eye, ‘It just keeps getting worse. How did I not hear any of this?’

“Why this place? One bad rainstorm and it’s going to fucking collapse.” 

Nagai hasn’t moved a single inch, and Kemuri shrugs, “Used to be one of the best, till heroes just kept flingin’ rocks and fuck-knows what else at it. A rainstorm taking this place down would be a blessing, at this point — insurance might then cover something.”  

Kemuri’s tone, for the first time since Katsuki’s heard, turns bitter and his mouth tips into an ugly snarl — one Katsuki doesn’t think he’s ever seen, not even when they were bullying kids in their middle school homeroom. “Fuckin’ heroes,” he spits, literally, over his shoulder, and down the concrete they sit on with a frothy splat, “Never watching where they fucking aim.”

And, Katsuki — well, he’s a boy with the worst kind of anger issues and there is an undying need to defend his line of work, defend the concept of, ‘the ends justify the means,’ because — “These villains never stop, heroes have to make last minute decisions and they can’t — ”

“ — You think I care?” 

Nagai’s voice has never been so loud. 

He’s finally looked up and those eyes immediately shame every defense to die in Katsuki’s throat. 

They’re angry, Nagai’s eyes — they’re pissed, but the set of his furrowed eyebrows speaks volumes of loss. 

The loss of his family, the loss of his home — of warm food in his belly and the mundanity of watching Sunday quirk-sports with his father on a worn suede couch. 

‘Yeah,’ Katsuki is right to be shamed. He’s never known loss, and though his house had never been warm, he cannot deny that the closest thing he might have to ‘a home’ awaits for him with the comradery of a hundred other kids, with the guarantee of a bright-eyed boy with too short eyebrows and too sharp teeth. 

Katsuki admits he’s never cared much for these two boys, a thing he wishes he had the capacity to change, but he is striving to be a hero, and justice must be served.

With his unending resolve, Katsuki asks, “Who was the villain responsible for your parents’ death? I swear, I’ll fuckin’ get ‘em.”

Nagai’s burning eyes turn cold and a hopeless tear escapes to trail down his sunken cheek,  “Endeavor.”

CLICK TO READ REST OF CHAPTER 4 ON AO3

#bakugou katsuki #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #kirishima eijirou #endeavor #todoroki enji #fanfic #fic #fic rec #oneshot #chaptered fic #kiribaku #dabihawks #seroroki #shigadabi #pining #unrequited love #one sided love #heartbreak #angst #angst with a happy ending #fluff #social commentary #fix it #aizawa shouta #eraserhead #class of 1a #ua traitor

[tothemeadow]

Commissioned by @tanjhero​

Rengoku Kyojuro x Reader

- Being the Flame Pillar’s tsugoku is no easy task; saving his brother, however, proves to be something else entirely. - 

warnings: mentions of blood, angst

words: 2.5k

-

Burning hearts, brilliant eyes, wishes that never come true. There’s almost something beautiful in sorrow, the slight glimpse of light in the vast darkness. To be a demon slayer, one must bury their heart. They have to hide it under lock and key, learn how to forget what crying feels like. You’ve always carried this ideology close to your heart ever since you started your training as a young adolescent.

Six years have then since passed, and the Final Selection is well behind you. Ragged scars cover your arms, chest, and back, all trophies from your brutal battles with blood-hungry beasts. Demons, to be precise; you see ragged, glinting teeth in the night, in the hours of the day when you’re finally allowed to dream. Whatever the reason, whatever the cause, these teeth seek to ravage you, to sink into your skin and rip your throat out.

The world is dark. You’ve long since grown cold, refusing to properly feel anything. To be emotional is to be distracted; if you wanted to survive, for others to survive, you cannot afford to deal with such interruptions. This is the very reason why your mentor – the gracious Flame Pillar himself, Rengoku Kyojuro – always struck you as odd. Like the sun itself, he’s full of light and eternal brightness.

You’ve never been more jealous of someone in your life.

You train by his side, let him whip you into proper shape. Being a tsugoku is no easy task; both mentally and physically draining, you’re often left scrambling for any sensation left in your numb fingertips. Although your body suffers from the constant thrum of pain, you are strong. You don’t take your strength lightly, and neither does your mentor.

As time and his persistent nature eat away at your skeptical brain cells, he’s more or less become a friend. Much to your initial displeasure, you allowed him to root himself to you. However, as you grew stronger, wiser, your heart did so as well. Kyojuro, this dear man, has cracked open the safe of your heart. With each rising sun, you envision him, his dazzling smile, his abnormal irises. It’s the first time in your life you’ve been blessed.

The days grow into something long and dark whenever you train with him. He doesn’t give up, refuses to let you to wipe away the sweat at your brow, keeps going and going until you’re a trembling mess at his feet. He’s to make a slayer of you yet.

Some days, you consider yourself lucky. Kyojuro is a soft man despite the hard cording of muscle covering his skeleton. Sometimes, his gaze melts into something akin to honey, dangerously sweet and tempting. He’ll call training off early, opting to massage your weakened muscles and guide you through breathing exercises. You don’t take these treatments lightly; after all, Kyojuro is a Pillar, a highly respected one at that. To have a pathetically weak tsugoku will only bring shame onto his namesake.

And, if he’s really in a giving mood, he’ll insist you spend the night at his residence.

Already well fed and bathed, you dismiss Kyojuro with a tight-lipped smile and a prayer for his safe return. He explained that he and his father were to travel into town and seek out the beloved liquor his father adores so much. Although his face is stoic, you can see the pain and disappointment in the depths of his eyes. Like himself, Rengoku Shinjuro is a man deserving respect – or at least used to be. Since the passing of his wife, he’s been drowning his sorrows (amongst all other emotion humanly possible) until he sees the bottom of the bottle.

You find solace in your room, wet hair unceremoniously thrown over your shoulder. Like your father and grandfather, you wear your hair long; the one true tradition that’s been passed down your bloodline for generations. Even as shorter hairstyles become widely accepted, your clan refused to do so, following the old rule of cutting hair once one was shunned. You lose yourself in thought, mindlessly combing through hair with a comb made out of bone.

It isn’t the first time you’ve stayed in the Rengoku household, but you always find yourself drawing hesitant. Kyojuro’s own room sits right down the hallway, a silent temptation that you never give into. To do so would be disrespectful to your kind mentor, even downright inappropriate. Mentor and tsugoku was a strictly former relation – nothing more. You’d be damned if you stepped out of line.

A slight knock at the door stirs your curiosity. Kyojuro and Shinjuro have yet to return from their shopping trip despite the sky being cloaked in an ominous purple. Instead, you’re greeted by Senjuro, Kyojuro’s younger brother. Like the other two – and the rest of the males in his bloodline – he sports the fire crackle hair, the robust eyes. The entire Rengoku clan has been blessed by the sun, by fire, since the beginning of time. You’re not good friends with Senjuro, by you’re way past the line of casual acquaintances.

You glance to the cheesecloth in his hands, your eyebrow raising itself in a silent question. Senjuro sends you a cheeky smile, though the edges are tinged with nervousness. It startles you just how much he resembles Kyojuro. As you beckon him to enter, you set your comb down and tell him to join you on the futon.

“Aniki and father aren’t back yet,” Senjuro tells you as he sits down. “And I figured… Well, maybe… If it was okay for us to hang out?”

You can’t help the smile that tugs at your lips. Senjuro’s always been like this, awkward yet exceptionally kind. As he unwraps the cheesecloth, you’re greeted by the sight of plump grapes and rice crackers.

“I know we already had dinner, but sometimes Aniki and I sit around with some snacks and talk about everything.” Senjuro’s smile grows at the mention of his brother; you find it extremely endearing. “And you’re always nice to me, so I thought that we could…” His sentence trails off into nothing and he worries his bottom lip.

You promptly pick a grape from the bunch and pop it into your mouth. Its sweet flavor erupts on your tongue and you hum in appreciation. “Thank you for the treat.”

The nervousness in Senjuro’s smile melts away. “I watched you and Aniki train earlier. You’re incredible,” he gushes. “It’s no wonder why you’re Aniki’s tsugoku!”

You wave off his compliment with a dismissive hand. “First you bring me food, then you flatter me; is there an ulterior motive to this?” you tease.

With a slight giggle, Senjuro shoves at your shoulder. “I just wanted to be in your company, that’s all.”

You find the gesture to be incredibly sweet. As you ponder on his words, you realize that Kyojuro must be busy all the time, attending to his work as a Pillar, and Shinjoru spends almost every waking moment getting drunk. “Look at you, being the charmer,” you throw his way. “You definitely take after your brother.”

Senjuro visibly perks up at your words. “Really? You think so?”

You chuckle at his excited response. “Yes, really. I think you’re going to grow up into a wonderful man, Senjuro-kun.”

His cheeks warm up at your praise. “I can see why Aniki likes you so much.”

The cracker you hold stops centimeters away from your mouth. You instinctively lower your hand. “What do you mean?”

Senjuro cocks his head to the side. “Oh, you mean you don’t know? Aniki’s had a crush on you for months.”

The cracker falls into your lap. “He what?”

Something snaps outside the screen door. The hairs on the back of your neck come to a sudden rise; the sharp smell of blood fills the air and your mind kicks into autopilot. Shoving Senjuro away, you quickly grab onto your blade as the door is ripped from its hinges, the sight of bright yellow eyes shining through the dark.

A demon.

“Shit,” you curse, shooting to a stand, drawing your blade from its sheath, and holding it out before you in a defensive stance.

The demon stalks into the room; its body is nothing short of massive, all flexing muscle the color of moss. His head easily brushes the ceiling as he draws himself to his full height, inky, greasy hair falling in his grotesque face. His nostrils twitch as though they’re following a scent. “Where is he?” he growls, his voice rumbling from deep within his chest. “Where is the Flame Pillar?”

Your grip on your blade tightens. While it’s fortunate that Kyojuro isn’t home, that means you’ll have to take out the demon and protect Senjuro at the same time. Maybe, just maybe, you can convince the creature to turn around and leave.

“My apologies,” you say, your voice brisk. “The one you seek isn’t here.”

The demon’s yellow eyes stare down at the blade in your hands. His lips pull back in a snarl, his razor-sharp fangs shining in the light. You sharply inhale at the sight, a slight spark of panic traveling down your spine. “Pathetic little slayer,” he hisses, “thinking you can stop me? I’ll rip your head off and drink straight from your neck.”

You shift your weight on your feet. “Senjuro, get out of here. Now.”

Behind you, Senjuro scrambles to his feet. You can hear him gulp, but you ignore the urge to turn around and see if he’s okay. “B-but what about…”

“Get your brother. I’ll take care of it, okay?”

With another drawn out growl, the demon lowers itself, ready to pounce.

“Run!”

A large flash of green fills your vision and you hastily swing your sword. The battle you engage in is fierce, intense, too quick to be seen by the naked eye. Your body twirls and evades the monstrous demon’s attacks, bouncing off the walls and slithering between his legs.

You don’t necessarily realize it as you move the fight outside, the night’s breeze carrying your hair and whipping it into your face. Biting back a curse, you jump backwards just in time for a clawed hand to slash at the space where you previously stood.

“I will kill you!” the demon roars.

“Breath of Ashes: Shimmering Coal!” you cry out. In a great, fantastic arc, your blade grows to an unbearably hot temperature as you slice through the demon’s chest.

He screams in agony at the searing pain, reeling back and clutching at his chest. His eyes scream murder as he charges you; this time, though, you aren’t so lucky. Your back makes a sickening snap noise as you’re thrown into a nearby tree. Struggling for breath, you quickly get back up, charging at the demon again.

Time is lost. A faint hint at a new moon fills the sky; the only light comes from the inside of your room, leaving you in almost complete darkness. Your movements are bold, swift, straight to the point; you slash and strike at the demon, landing devastating blows, but his neck is too thick. You curse and howl in pain as claws rip at your sides, your arms, your face; blood openly flows down your face and the rest of your body, soaking the material of your torn yukata.

You groan from your spot on the ground; the coppery taste of blood coats your tongue, the back of your throat. Struggling to sit up, your fingers claw into the grass and dirt as you fight off the wave of nausea. It can’t end like this – you can’t end like this. You refuse to give up, to die. Even if this demon spills your guts, you’ll slice off his head and take him to hell with you.

Black fills the outer rims of your vision. There’s a harsh ringing in your ears, ready to steal your hearing away from you. Death is creeping up onto your doorstep, waiting, just waiting for you to answer.

There’s a cry of your name and a swirl of flames. Kyojuro comes seemingly out of nowhere; a war cry spills from his lips as he swings his blade and brings it down on the demon’s neck. Although he’s incredibly fast, your trained eyes follow his every move. The muscles in his back flex as he slices the demon’s head clean off. The demon releases an animalistic sound, spittle flying from his mouth as his head lands nearby.

“Fuck you, Flame Pillar! I’ll see you in hell!” he screeches before his head turns into dust.

A ragged breath punches its way out of your lungs as you slump back onto the ground. Kyojuro rushes to your side, worry etched into his features. You see his mouth move, but you can barely hear the words tumbling out. He gingerly slides his arms under you and picks you up, holding you close to his chest. The rest of the world passes by in a blur as he carries you back inside, instead of stopping in your room, however, he continues all the way to his room.

“Can you hear me?” his voice filters into your mind. You nod your head and groan as he places you onto his bed. “Gods, (y/n),” he breathes, pushing the damp strands out of your face. He gulps at the sheer amount of blood coating your face. “Hang on,” he tells you.

Rising from the bed, he fetches an abundance of medical supplies and gets to work at cleaning you up. Both his eyes and movements are gentle as he wipes away the blood, revealing your exhausted face. As he removes your yukata, he averts his gaze and hastily covers your privates up before working at your exposed arms and stomach.

“To do what you did,” he starts, his voice hoarse. He sounds suspiciously close to crying. “You saved him. You saved Senjuro.” His voice shakes as his hands begin to tremble. “I can’t thank you enough.”

Flicking your eyes to him, you notice how he’s biting hard onto his lip, desperate to keep the tears at bay. You’ve never seen such a pained look on his face a day in your life. His eyes shift between the two of yours, tears welling up and clouding the surface. Your heart jumps to your throat.

“You saved my baby brother,” he spews. Tears rush down his handsome face. “You risked your life to save him. It’s just… I…” He frantically rubs at his eyes with a sleeve. “I didn’t want to lose you, too.” Despite his tears, Kyojuro manages a tiny smile. “I can’t imagine what I’d do if you died,” he confesses.

“Kyojuro-san…?” you croak.

Taking your hands in his, he swiftly brings them to his lips and presses kisses to your knuckles. “I was so scared.” He frantically shakes his head. “I couldn’t live with myself if you died.” His voice cracks at the end of his sentence. “You see… I- I love you, (y/n).”

Your breath stills in your throat. He… He loves you? Rengoku Kyojuro, a man blessed by the gods themselves, loves you.

Leaning down, he gently presses his forehead to yours. “I love you with my very being,” he mutters. “And to know that you’ve saved Senjuro… It makes me love you even more.”

Before you have time to register it, your hands link around his neck. This man was the one to melt the ice surrounding your heart; he was the one to make you feel again. You smile weakly at him. “Kyojuro-san… I… I love you, too.”

#kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #kny x reader #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #demon slayer x reader #rengoku kyojuro x reader #kyojuro rengoku x reader #rengoku kyojuro #rengoku senjuro #kyojuro rengoku #senjuro kyojuro #kny kyojuro #kny senjuro #rengoku brothers #commission #tanjhero

[floorbed]

fuck it holland playlist

hey guys here’s my yearly holland vosijk playlist update post. more songs!

listen here

tracklist and annotations under the cut >:)

hymn 1 - teen suicide

he took this ailing body from me

for he knew it was causing me pain

he wont give me a new one cuz i had my chance

but he forgives me 

nobody - mitski

my god, i’m so lonely

so i open the window

to hear sounds of people 

to hear sounds of people

in the woods somewhere - hozier

deer in the chase there as i flew

forgot all prayers of joining you

i clutched my life and wished it kept

my dearest love, i’m not done yet

how many years i know i’ll bear

i found something in the woods somewhere

guilty - alex g

are you guilty? are you waiting to be found?

do you think that you’d be happier with no one else around?

are you hiding, but the trial never comes?

capable type - momma

i keep looking out the window, i keep finding stuff to fight

i keep looking out the window i don’t

i don’t wanna play nice

i keep looking out the window, i keep finding stuff to fight

i keep looking out the window i guess

i’m just the capable type

hollow - alex g

don’t talk too much 

you’ll hurt yourself

i know 

i’m hollow

coming up roses - elliott smith

i’m a junkyard full of false starts

and i don’t need your permission

to bury my love under this bare lightbulb

the moon is a sickle cell

it’ll kill you in time 

the body is a blade - japanese breakfast

try not to get so righteous

about what’s fair for everyone

find what’s left in you

channel something good

kicker - alex g

white bird in a black cloud rain comin down

thinkin hey, maybe we should turn this boat around

gardenhead / leave me alone - neutral milk hotel

leave me alone

for you know this isnt the first time

in fact this is twice in a row 

that the angels have slipped through our landslide

and filled up our garden with snow

judge - alex g 

all the time i try to recall

what drove you away from here

what was dream and what was real

where was i? 

that day meant nothing to me

a hiccup in my memory

this life will leave you hungry

i am completely guilty

when you die - mgmt

i’m not that nice

i’m mean and i’m evil

don’t call me nice

i’m gonna eat your heart out

i’ve got some work to do

who could love you lucille? - john congleton

and as god as my witness

i am here to do the devil’s business

i’m behind you

right behind you

and i could be anyone

you’d accept anything 

tongues & teeth - the crane wives

and i know that you mean so well

but i am not a vessel for your good intent

i will only break your pretty things

i will only wring you dry of everything

the boredom is the reason i started swimming its also the reason i started sinking - the front bottoms

i wanna feel lethal, on the inside

i wanna read american psycho again

but i am not sure that i want any single part of this

any single part of any of this shit

cuz everybody pays

yeah everybody’s head is in the noose

you’re part of a program

get with the program

brain stew - green day

i’m having trouble trying to sleep

i’m counting sheep but running out

as time ticks by, still i try

no rest for crosstops in my mind

on my own here we go

cannibal - tally hall

dig up the skeletons of men that thought that they would be the one like me 

body - mother mother

i’ve grown tired of this body

cumbersome and heavy body 

brutus - the buttress 

and even if i can’t be the one

maybe i could at least help make way for him

until the day that he comes

maybe my name could also be known

100 years - florence welch

but then its just too much

the streets they still run with blood

a hundred arms a hundred years

you can always find me here

abbey - mitski

i am waiting

i have been waiting

i was born waiting 

sleepless - girlpool

the room’s beige it’s a mess

you dream to be sleepless

all alone in bed - teen suicide

are you coming home?

you’ve been losing weight again

does your mother know that you’re skin and bones

does your mother know you spent a year all alone in bed

the same things happen to me all the time even in my dreams - teen suicide

i am warm and i am bored

and i am drifting through this place

it’s no better or worse than anything else that’s ever happened to me

but i wish that i never met a lot of the people that i’ve met

not because i don’t like them but because i only let them down

things to do - alex g

welcoming you back home the only one that you have ever known

welcoming you back home the only one that you will ever know

april 8th - neutral milk hotel

crawl across toward your window

i’m calling softly from the street

always a lonely widow

half awake and sleeping on my feet

bag of bones - mitski

and after everythings done and i’m all undone

you can hear my high heels walking off

clickety-clacking through the night

i’m carrying my bag of bones

soup - girlpool

you’ve got lots of potential can you feel it

fireworks - mitski

i will go jogging routinely

calmly and rhythmically run

oh comely - neutral milk hotel

there isn’t such one friend that you could find

here standing next to me

he’s only my enemy

i’ll crush him with everything i own

pearl diver - mitski

but hunter, you were human, don’t forget it and go safely

it will come back - hozier

don’t let it in with no intention to keep it

jesus christ don’t be kind to it 

honey don’t feed it it will come back

i would hurt a fly -built to spill

there’s a mean bone in my body

untitled oct 19 - teen suicide

this body’s at an end

this pale decaying flesh

but i will be again

made into light

when i come back home

you won’t see me

being alive - stephen sondheim 

somebody crowd me with love

somebody force me to care

somebody let me come through

i’ll always be there as frightened as you

#holland vosijk #a darker shade of magic #adsom #mel talks

[cryysiswritesthings]

Beneath the Darkness in My Bones || Chapter Four

Fandom: Inuyasha Rating: Mature/NC-17 Warnings: Horror, Psychological Torture, Trauma, Implied/Referenced Torture, Rape, Parent/Child Incest, Obsession, Drugged Sex, Sexual Assault, Abuse, Non-Consensual Somnophilia Status: In Progress Pairing(s): KogKag (main), BanKag, Oni(gumo)Kag Summary: Horror is all she knows. Darkness is in his blood. She is the other half of his soul, and his calls for her echo long into the night.

Find it On: Tumblr | AO3

***NOMINATED FOR THE BEST DARK FICTION CATEGORY FOR FEUDAL CONNECTION’S 2020 3RD QUARTERLY ANNUAL AWARD!!***

Thank you so much to my amazing readers! You guys rock!

Series: Flowers Grown in Darkness Desecrate You

Chapters on Tumblr: Prologue || Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 ||

Tumblr Tags: #kogkag #bankag #onikag #inuyasha #beneath the darkness #btd chapter #flowers desecrate series

The room is dark wood and fogged glass, the canopy above her draped in red. There's a fire blazing in the corner, warming her body for reasons she doesn't understand. She lays atop the blankets, her only covering a robe so sheer she may as well not be wearing it at all. The fabric is cool against her heated flesh, slits on its side letting it pool around her enticingly.

There's a man at the edge of her bed, with long dark hair and hard eyes. He is dressed as she is, in a black silk robe hanging open, revealing pale skin. But where she is naked beneath her silk, he is wearing trousers made to sleep in.

They do little to hide his interest in her state of undress.

"I see you've made yourself ready for me, dearest." 

Had she? Her mind is filled with cobwebs, a blurred haze keeping her from her memory.

"I have made myself ready for you." Yes, that must be it. Why else would she be this way?

"Is my wife pleased to see me?"

His wife? So he was her husband then. Then yes, she should be happy to see him.

"I am happy to see you," she tells him. The words are correct, but they do not feel like her own.

"Of course you are." His smile is sharp and wicked. She shivers, though she cannot say why. "Come to me."

She makes to stand, but he slashes her a look.

"On your knees, pet."

Her knees? It takes a moment for the command to make sense. He wants her to crawl on the bed to him. He wants her displayed.

He crooks a finger at her, motioning her forward. She does as she's bid, crawling up the bed on all fours. He lifts her by the chin when she reaches him, making her rise on her knees. He can see all of her.

"I am your husband."

"You are my husband."

"You are mine to do with as I please."

She swallows. "I am yours to do with as you please."

His smile is deadly. "Undress me."

Her hands are shaking as they reach for him, pushing the silk from his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. She reaches for his trousers next, but his hand on her wrist stops her. Instead he draws it forward, making her fingers circle and tighten around his manhood.

"Use your hands, dearest. Please your husband."

Unsure, she flexes her fingers around him, stroking him through the soft cloth. His eyes flutter shut, a moan of pleasure humming in his throat. He's enjoying it then.

She continues to tug at him, and there is now a growing wetness where his tip rests against the fabric. She circles her finger there, and he hisses through his teeth. His eyes on hers are dark, hungry. They make her nervous.

He reaches to the small table at the edge of the bed, on which sits an uncorked bottle of wine, a small vial, and two full goblets. With one hand he picks up the vial and opens it, pouring its contents into one of the goblets. He recaps the vial and sets it carefully aside, then picks up the now slightly fuller cup, holding it out to her.

"Do not stop pleasuring me. Drink."

He lifts the cup to her lips, tilting it enough to allow the wine to flow into her mouth. She swallows obediently, her hands ever moving. He makes her drink until the goblet is empty, and sets it aside.

The cobwebs have grown, the haze blurring her vision. The man in front of her pushes her back on the bed and crawls over her, making her hold herself open for him. Presenting herself like a sacrifice.

He aligns himself with her opening, his smile full of teeth. Her blue eyes are glossy, unseeing.

"Hello, Kikyo."

He thrusts inside.

It was three more days before his lordship decided to finally leave the castle. In the end, he decided to extend his hunting trip by a few more days in order to tour the local villages on their return home.

This, of course, meant it wasn't only Bankotsu going with him. He'd also decided to bring Jakotsu and Kyokotsu along as well. Jakotsu was known by his reputation of cruelty alone, but Kyokotsu’s massive size was more than enough to use as an intimidation tactic.

The rumors spreading through the castle village that he had cannibalistic tendencies were only an added bonus.

Still, it meant the castle was quiet, and it was safe for her to walk the halls without having to look over her shoulder. The peace let her think of other things, and she found her mind wandering back to what she'd seen in the hidden room the previous week. There was no doubt that whoever had been trapped in that cell was still sitting there. The only question was whether or not they were still alive.

The thought continued to haunt her. If they were dead, there was nothing she could do for them. But if they lived, what state were they in? Were they being allowed food to eat, water to drink? Blankets to keep out the nights growing chill? Should… should she help them?

Her immediate response was yes, of course she should, if only because she hoped some kind soul would do the same if she were in such a position. But not only that, it was the right thing to do despite the potential danger. And to not do something, to not try and help in some way…

It made her feel like her father. 

That was what ultimately decided her. The kitchens were in the lower part of the castle, and no one stopped her on the way. There she found a small basket which she filled with fruit, bread, and cheeses. She also made sure to pick up a pouch of water.

A cheesecloth kept her precious cargo from prying eyes, but there were no servants in the halls to stop her. Even so, habit kept her close to the walls and out of the way of any potential passer by, while also letting her peek around corners to ensure she wouldn’t run into anyone she wanted to avoid.

The tapestry that hid the doorway loomed over her, its subjects staring down with leering eyes. But she would not be swayed. Swallowing her nerves and finding her courage, she pushed her way past it and slipped inside the door.

Again there was little light to guide her way. The scones on the walls had not been lit, and would stay that way until Jakotsu returned. 

Kagome made her way down the stairs slowly, keeping one hand braced against the wall to guide her. The landing was empty of its noisey bucket, and she finally allowed herself to look at the dungeon beyond her.

Before her was the large cell where she’d seen Jakotsu. Now, however, she could see the smaller walkway to its left, the wall lined with the bars of empty cells. In the corner to her left stood a torture rack, its wooden table covered in old blood. Next to it sat a rusted bucket, but for her own peace of mind she wouldn’t try to see what was inside.

Her attention was drawn forward to the large cell when she reached the bottom of the stairs. Nerves slowed her, but she would not be deterred.

“Hello?”

She waited, but there was no response. Swallowing thickly, she moved closer to peer inside.

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

“You shouldn’t be here.“

Kagome jumped and her steps paused, unsure now of her approach.

He sighed. “If you stay here, he’ll find you. You don’t want him too.”

“Jakotsu.“ Her eyes went to the floor, fingers curling in a fist over her heart.

“You know who he is.“ The other didn’t sound surprised. “If you know him, then you know what he’s capable of. He’ll do more than hurt you, especially since you’re a woman.“

“No, he won’t.“ The other shifted, and she imagined he was looking through stone to see her. “He knows he’s not allowed to hurt me.”

He scoffed. “You really expect that to stop him?”

“It’s what’s always stopped him.” Her voice grew quiet. “He takes it out on others instead.“

There was a low snarl. “Then what the hell are you doing down here?“

“I… I knew he kept someone down here. I was worried.“

The man snorted. “Just another secret in stone. And this castle’s secrets are better left uncovered.“ His voice was bitter. “Trust me. You can’t help anyone who lives here by finding them out.“

Curious, she stepped forward. “How do you know that?“

“This isn’t exactly my first day here.“ There was a shuffle of noise, chains clanking as the figure moved. “You should get out of here. Before he finds you.“

“He won’t find me. He’s not here.” Cautiously, she stepped forward. She could just make out the edge of an arm behind the bars. ”My father took him on his hunt.“

“Your father?” She could hear the frown, hear the clang of metal dragged on the stone floor. “Whose your father?“

Instinct told her not to tell him. To give a stranger an edge over her was dangerous, foolhardy. 

“Lord Onigumo. My father is Lord Onigumo.“

The stranger behind the bars moved, and now she could see all of him in the flickering torchlight. He had eyes like amber and long silver hair, matted with dirt and blood. Ears, canine ears, drooped atop his head.

But he looked emaciated. His skin was covered in badly healed scars; it clung to his bones, making him look like a walking skeleton. It made her sick to think of.

“How old are you?“

She had to swallow hard before she could answer him. “I’ll be one and twenty this year.“

He looked behind her to the stairs, tracing their path. She followed his gaze for a moment and turned back to him. “If you can tell me where the key is, I’ll release you.“

His eyes flew back to her in surprise.

She gave him a nervous smile. “No one deserves to be trapped here. If I can free you, I will.”

He was quiet, searching her expression for any sign of deceit. His shoulders relaxed when he found none. “I believe you. But you can’t help me. Jakotsu keeps the key with him at all times.“

“… I see.” Her eyes fell to the ground, fingers clutching at the skirt of her dress. “I’m sorry.“

“Don’t be.” He tilted his head, watching her curiously. “You said Naraku was your father?“

“I don’t know a Naraku. My father is Onigumo.”

“Naraku, Onigumo. Same guy, different name.“ He moved closer to the bars, bracing his arms against them. ”Your mother must be Kikyo.“

Kagome nodded, though her shoulder’s tightened at the mention of her mother. “Yes, she was. This winter will mark five years since she passed.“

The other shut his eyes, expression tight. “How did she die?“

“I… I don’t know.”

“You’re her daughter, how the hell could you not know?”

She swallowed. “I wasn’t permitted to know. They said… the healers said to know would give me undue stress. So I was never told.”

He scoffed. “Right. More like the bastard killed her and wanted it kept quiet. Didn’t want it getting out.” Amber eyes open, riddled with hearts-pain and an old anger. “The others can’t know. He’d be dead already if they did.”

“I…” His gaze met hers, but she carried on. “I know my father to be capable of many things, but… I do not think he killed her.”

Cracked lips bled as they lifted in a snarl. “You’d defend that bastard?”

Kagome shook her head. “No. I only remember his…. His obsession.” She swallowed. “Knowing that… I cannot think he would rid himself of her willingly. Nor by his choice.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said softly, leaning against the bars that separated them. “In the end… she’s still dead.”

Her words were a sympathetic whisper. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” His chains rattled, and his body sagged. “You didn’t do anything.”

Perhaps not. But her existence could not have made things any easier. “… did you know my mother well?”

He didn’t lift his head. “She was the only friend I ever had. My Uncle sent me to find her. But she wasn’t ready to leave yet, so I stayed. Naraku came not long after that.”

When she told me she didn’t want to get married… I told her I’d take her wherever she wanted to go. Even if it meant never returning to my home.” His voice cracked the longer he spoke.

“We planned to leave the night before her wedding. But someone found out, and I was taken prisoner. Naraku brought me to her. He told her if she didn’t go through with the marriage he’d kill me then and there.”

He scowled. “It wasn’t an idle threat. The men he employed shouldn’t have been able to hold me, but they could. Kikyo knew that, and if they could hold me… well.” He shook his head. “Even if she’d let him do it, she couldn’t escape on her own. So she agreed. Naraku called for a priest and had the marriage performed that night.” Something dark took hold of him, though she could not see it.

“The bastard made me watch him consummate the marriage.”

Kagome bit her lip, her grip tightening on the basket even as she stepped forward. Her pale hand covered his. “You loved her.”

He shrugged. “It was a long time ago. And you said she died, so… at least she’s free of him now.”

“Yes. There is that.”

He finally lifted his head and met her eyes. An ear flicked curiously atop his head, his nose quivering as he inhaled. “You smell like her. Only a little though. It’s nice.”

She finally cracked a smile, amused despite herself. “Thank you, I think.”

“It’s not a bad thing.” He nodded at the basket in her hand that he’d ignored until then. “What’s that for?”

“Oh!” She’d almost forgotten why she’d come down here in the first place. “It’s food. I brought it down for you. With Jakotsu gone, I was worried there was no one to look after you.”

Amber eyes were wide with surprise. “You… brought that for me? What for?”

Kagome looked at him curiously. “So you would have something to eat. I wasn’t sure who knew about your presence here, or if anyone did for that matter. So I thought…”

“I don’t…” he shook his head, swallowing thickly though his eyes never left it. “You didn’t have to do that. Starvation won’t kill me. Just makes things difficult.” 

“That’s no reason for you to go hungry,” she said firmly. “If anything, it just means you should eat more.”

He snorted, lips quirking in an awkward smile. “What’s your name, princess?”

“I’m Kagome. What’s yours?”

“Inuyasha.”

#kogkag #bankag #onikag #inuyasha #btd chapter #flowers desecrate series #beneath the darkness

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Rapture Rising

[Evil!Joan AU]

Word count: 2650 (no Read More because I’m away from my computer, but it’s only 2000 words so 🤷‍♀️)

Prompt: “Do you talk to your mother with that mouth?”

——————

The theater rises before her, vast and wrong.

If architecture could hate, this theater hates. It is a frozen snarl, stone (at least Jane thinks it’s stone) forced into confinement. It does not stand quite at right angles to the ground. No, those angles are wrong; it belongs to an unholy geometry. It’s hard to imagine this used to be a place of joy and thrill and entertainment. All that remains is a skeleton infested with twisted pillars and rocks and spires. It is waiting for her to get lost in their bodies if she manages to get out.

Above her, pallid, vicious lights flicker and stab across the ceiling from time to time—almost like lightning, if lightning were regular as a heartbeat. A very powerful force field generator perhaps. Or some unfathomable system of intimidation, brooding over all that lies within.

Beyond the stage, there is nothing. Just bleak, desolate, ebony rocks and needle-sharp stones far as she can see in all directions. There are no seats or an audience left, just a battlefield of lurking obsidian. They were waiting for her to make an escape so they could lance her as she raced for the exit.

Except she couldn’t escape. She’s tried. The jagged, pointy black cage she was huddled in wouldn’t break, no matter how hard she pushed or pulled on the bars.

Jane was stuck.

A scraping sound from behind soon alerted her. She spun around, pressing back against the bars on the opposite side, and watched as her captor emerged from the darkness of the wings.

Joan was a mishmash of scales and feathers and fur. The only area of human skin left on her body was her stomach and face, a pale contrast to the ebony pelt that now plated her form. She elegantly walked on her toes on hock-jointed legs. Talons curved out from monstrous feet—the cause of the scraping noise. Her hands bore the same hooked claws, while her shoulders were clustered with quills resembling thinner versions of the folded spikes running down her back. Wicked ram horns curled out from the sides of her head, pointing upwards, with pointed, feathered ears twitching below them. There, the twisted, barbed black Crown of Thorns sat regally, its wicked points somehow not getting caught in her short, messy, tangled blonde-brown-black hair. The Moonstone was on her chest, glowing a soft blue.

It was hard to think that this creature was once the sweet, hardworking, timid music director that used to help run the show.

“What?” Joan tilted her head at her harmlessly as if she weren’t a walking monolith of sharp points and edges and needles. It was practically impossible to know where one spike ended and another began. Henry somehow wasn’t disturbed by the snarled mess, as he rested peacefully, wound around her neck like a venomous necklace. “Don’t look at me like that. I come in peace.”

She raised her quills up in some kind of truce gesture, as her hands were occupied by some books and a brown paper bag. She doesn’t even need to set these things down to alter Jane’s cage, merely bobbing her head and causing the confinement to shift. The tops bloomed open like flower petals, curving downwards around each other so Joan can set the items down. Then, she stepped back and the rock tendrils closed again, giving Jane no time to try and make her escape. She didn’t think she would get that far, anyway.

“Go on,” Joan said, sitting down in front of the queen. “Eat. I don’t want you to starve.”

“There’s a surprise,” Jane muttered, earning a dangerous glare from Henry and a wounded look from Joan. She quickly shut her mouth.

“I’m not a monster, Jane.” Joan said. “Did I capture you and put you in a cage? Yes. But have I hurt you?” She waited, but her answer was just Jane looking away. “No. I haven’t. And I don’t want to.”

Jane says nothing. She keeps scanning Joan up and down, looking for an ulterior motive. Joan twitched her nose and then flicked her tail towards the items now sitting in front of Jane’s legs.

“There’s food in the bag,” She said. “And some books. To read. Thought you might get bored.”

Jane tentatively opened the brown paper bag to find regular food items- a sandwich, two apples, some treats, a bottle of water. She still didn’t trust them, despite their outwardly inner appearance and pushed them to the side for the time being. Joan must have sensed her hesitance, because she tilted her head at her with a frown.

“What’s wrong?” She said. “Oh! I know! This cage is too dreary, huh? Here, let me help!”

She shot to her feet on her weird, hock-jointed legs. Jane swore she heard the reshaped bones creak, but Joan didn’t falter a bit as she stood on her toes- the only way her body could hold itself up with its new physique.

Joan extended her talons and the Moonstone started to glow brighter, light zipping through the spiral pattern on its surface.

The bars of Jane’s cell began to expand outwards across the stage, gliding effortlessly through the flooring without ruining it at all. Several more petrified tendrils extended upwards to fill the new space so Jane couldn’t wiggle her way out. The ground then began to quake, and Jane watched in terrified awe as a pool-like shape opened up in the wooden floors. Glittering black rocks surrounded the edge and a spiraling pillar stuck out from the very center, spilling water into the trench carved away.

“There!” Joan beamed. “A...pool! And more space. But a pool! Really makes the cage more lively, huh?” She blinked at Jane’s horrified expression. “What?”

“I-I didn’t...I didn’t know you could do...that.” Jane whispered.

“You mean alter things?” Joan sat back down. “The Crown lets me control the rocks, but the Moonstone is what gives me the magic. I can do almost anything!”

A shiver ran down Jane’s spine. She backed up further, wanting to get far away from the creature before her.

“Of course, there are parameters.” Joan said after she’s poked in the furry cheek by Henry’s tail. “If you use the magic too much there are...consequences.”

Jane furrowed her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“You can turn to stone, for one.” Joan said, supremely bored at having to say it out loud. She was clearly disgruntled by the side effects to her fun powers. “I also heard the Moonstone could destroy the body or something.”

Jane winced, although she didn’t mind the thought of her captor turning into a statute for the rest of time. Perhaps kids would climb on it and mock it if that were to happen, knowing she would never ever get out. Or maybe it would get destroyed into thousands of tiny, harmless shards that she could dance upon in glee.

“I see.” She said after a moment. Henry was staring at her with blood red eyes. Her shoulders hunched around her neck as she struggled not to squirm under his gaze.

“But enough of that!” Joan waved her talons. “Just know that if you ever need anything, I’ll get it for you. With exceptions, of course.”

“So I can’t ask to be set free?” Jane said bitterly, already knowing the answer.

“Yup,” Joan nodded. “But I don’t want you to feel like a prisoner.”

“You’re doing a great job at that,” Jane rolled her eyes. When she centered her gaze back on Joan, she saw that the girl’s hands were clenched and the quills on her shoulders were bristled up like the fur of a threatened feline.

“I could have killed you.” Joan hissed lowly. “I could have done terrible things to you, but I didn’t. And I don’t want to. But don’t forget that I can.”

Jane swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling sick. Oily, sticky dread was spilling through her like a tidal wave. She tilted sideways and dipped a hand into the pool, and the coolness of the water seemed to soothe her slightly.

“Alright,” She whispered.

Joan settled. The quills on her shoulders flatten.

“Good.” She said. “I’m glad.”

An awkward and tense silence fell over the stage like a thick smog. Jane was frozen where she was huddled against the far side of the cage, one hand still submerged in the pool, while Joan sat crisscross in front of her confinement, staring at her lap. Henry was perfectly peaceful, still woven regally around his ally’s neck.

Then, Joan’s head snapped up. Henry is jostled a bit; his tail slithers up and winds halfway around her neck for extra balance.

“I know!” Joan said. A new light was lit in her eyes, but Jane could see that it was slightly forced. She could read the girl before her like a book, as if the Moonstone has granted her mind reading.

Joan held out her talons and crackles of silver burst between her palms before swirling together in a grand show of sterling. They curve and coil around each strand of magic until twin beautiful milky orbs like translucent moons and a circlet made of silver woven wires with three ebony gemstones caught in the middle formed. She took them and then eagerly shoved her hand through the bars of the cage, giving them to Jane.

“There! Something pretty! I’ll have to make you new clothes soon, too. You’ll be here awhile.” She said.

Jane had been pleasantly endeared by the beauty of the jewelry for just a moment, but that was squashed by the last statement Joan made, replaced with fear that made her feel ill all over again.

Would she ever see the queens again?

Would she ever see her precious daughter again?

Oh, poor Kitty... She was probably losing her mind with worry and anxiety. Not being by her side and there to comfort her most be so daunting. She even found herself lost without the young queen there clinging to her hand or grinning up at her adorably.

“Oh my god, will you STOP?” Joan growled. “I KNOW you are thinking about Howard and it’s SO ANNOYING. Won’t you like my gifts for once?”

Jane tentatively plucked up the earrings and circlet. They felt normal in her hands, no throbbing magical pulse in them aside from their creation, but she didn’t know for sure. They still made her very nervous.

“They’re nice,” She said. “But Kitty is my daughter. I’m going to worry about her. She’s probably so scared...”

“NO SHE’S NOT!!” Joan suddenly roared. Every spike on her body was standing on edge and the tip of her tail was flicking back and forth in a very agitated manner. Even Henry seemed to be startled by her outburst, as he slipped slightly from his position and had to frantically wriggle back to avoid falling off. But when he settled, his eyes slanted into a slyly pleased expression. “She’s not your—your daughter! She’s just some kid you thought was interesting enough to take under your wing as if she doesn’t have everyone else’s pity.”

“She is my daughter and you will not speak of her that way.” Jane snarled, using her queen voice. Usually that would frighten Joan into submission, but Joan was no longer susceptible to such a tone.

“I can do whatever I want.” Joan struck back. Her quills rise again, tail lashing. “I could kill her, you know? I could kill her and throw her body into your cage so you can rot with her. Would you like that? Would you enjoy cuddling your precious daughter as maggots infest her and her flesh falls off?”

Jane can’t take it- she vomits into the pool set into the ground.

Horrid images flash in her mind and she screws her eyes shut to try and block them out, but they keep shoving their way in. Kitty headless, Kitty decaying, Kitty as a skeleton, Kitty bleeding from a slit in her throat, Kitty eviscerated and gasping her last breaths, Kitty covered in blood and weakly reaching for her- they all kept piling on top of each other, one after another after another after another.

“Do you talk to your mother with that mouth?” Jane snarled lowly. She didn’t know where to look- at the monster, at the rocks waiting to gore her, at the chunky green-brown billowing through the pool. She didn’t want to see at all.

“What do you think I’m going right now?” Joan smirked wickedly, fangs flashing in the half light.

Jane vomits again. She can hear the faint sound of Henry’s hissing laugh.

“I’m joking.” Joan chortled. “But no. My mother left me and my brother to fend for myself. But, ohhh, if I knew her now...” The form of a faceless woman coiled up from the ground. The rock she was made out of seemed indestructible up under Joan slashed out the throat and spews of red came shooting out. It looked so real, despite quickly dissolving in the air. Joan stuck two claws into the eye sockets. “I’d make her pay for leaving us. For disappearing with that slimy lowlife I have to call a father. They’re both—“ She punctuates her snarl with a swipe to the woman’s belly and magical entrails came spilling out. “—worthless! And horrible! And cruel! And the worst parents ever!!”

The woman is dismembered violently by the monster until she’s nothing but rock shards and fake, but realistic blood strewn across the ground. Joan stomps on what used to be the skull several times until it cuts into the soft padding under her strange feet.

She looked to Jane and froze when she saw that she was shaking with a horrified expression plastered on her face. And, like that, all her anger is blown away, leaving only fear equal to, if not more than, the queen’s.

“I’m...” She looked down and splayed her claws open, staring at them as if they were drenched in blood. She swallowed thickly. “Enjoy your gifts...”

She turned and disappeared.

Jane didn’t move for half an hour, and then, once she knew Joan wasn’t coming back soon, began to cry.

———

Joan curled up into a small ball in the large nest she had built for herself with her magic. It was situated in the corner and was egg shaped, made of woven needles of black rocks with an opening that she could crawl into. There, she lay tangled in the dozens of soft blankets and colorful quilts and fluffy pillows, crying into the fabric.

“I’m a monster, I’m a monster,” She sobbed, pulling on her horns.

“No, my dear,” Henry said languidly from where he sat on a large, pastel yellow pillow. He slithered over its length and gently nudged Joan’s head with his nose until she looked up. His tongue flicked silkily against her cheek, licking away her tears. “You are not a monster. You had every right to react that way. It’s the expense of being a ruler.”

Joan sniffled pitifully. “I-I just want Jane to love me...” She whimpered.

“Then why not make her?” Henry flicked his tail and smiled slyly.

“Wh...what do you mean?”

Henry tilted forward and poked Joan’s nose with his own. “You have magic, darling. Why not use it?”

Joan blinked at him before clambering out of the nest and walking over to the desk in the room she’s claimed as her den. She sifted through the mess on the top before finding a glistening silver and blue necklace. She turned back to Henry, who was grinning at her from the opening. He nodded at her with a flick of his tail.

Joan clenched the necklace tightly in her hands and held it to her chest.

“I enchant this necklace,” She murmured. “To make the wearer love me like a daughter.”

No matter what.

#evil!joan au #six the musical #six the musical au #six the musical fanfiction #six the musical fanfic #six fanfic #six fanfiction #sixfic #jane seymour #joan on the keys #king henry viii #henry the eighth #katherine howard #rapture rising

[monstramemes]

Quotes sourced from his chapbook Bloodsport, excerpts of Slaughterhouse, and other poetry published online or on his tumblr. Some minor grammar changes and word omissions were made to adapt the quotes into sentences for this meme.

Tell me about love.

I knew I couldn’t keep you from the start. 

Look how the desert is always reaching outwards. Only something so vast and arid could understand a hunger like mine. 

I have always understood why vultures mate for life. 

You can’t live among a sickness without starting to become it.

There is a quiet kind of dying in always waiting for death.

I was a dangerous thing—an injured animal still hunting.

I am tired of loving you. I am tired of grasping grief like a root in the stumbling dark.

My body is becoming a catalogue of bite marks and bruising.

If longing were a garden in Tartarus, all the flowers would be burning.

Listen and come kiss the long night naked into day.

Time was a dying thing in our hands and grief was eating all that I’d let it.

In seven years you won’t remember how this story went and I won’t be there to remind you. In seven years, the hands I held won’t exist anymore.

You are taping over all your memories; replacing every cell in your body out of carelessness.

You could almost be forgiven for not knowing my name anymore. 

So, this is who I would be if you didn’t have me pinned down. 

I’ve started thinking of people as wounds that don’t heal.

You forget, I’ve watched you split my heart open like a pomegranate and carve the seeds out with your bare hands—nails stained the same colour of the sky as the sun sets in Rome.

If there’s ever blood on your hands again, I want it to be mine.

How do you live with a guilt so large it’s like the moon is hanging over your head, just waiting for a moment to fall that could devastate the world?

How do you touch a lover who can’t even say your name?

I had a body that felt everything and we couldn’t talk about it, so I pretended I didn’t have a body and that I couldn’t feel anything.

I don’t want to be the one putting holes in things anymore.

Imagine that. The distance between us a landscape that learned to paint itself, and now it can’t stop its hands from moving.

But I couldn’t talk to you even if I could talk about it.

I couldn’t stand for you to know me, to feel how tight this skin stretches over the sharp corners of my skeleton.

You said forever, but I can only count so high. 

I’m still waiting to find out if I can carry a violet sun inside me.

And it wasn’t supposed to be like this, but now this is all you have.

You wanted to love him in a way that didn’t hurt and now you know that isn’t love at all. Sometimes, you still want it.

Meanwhile, all the blue in the world is burning, even if you won’t look at it.

Who are you now that my name no longer shakes holes in your mouth?

I could never write about love until I forgot how the letters tasted.

Don’t you sometimes want the sky to just open up above you?

Aren’t you sick of being kindling and not burning?

God, doesn’t anyone know how to feel anymore?

No one in the theatre, but we still play our parts like the whole world is watching.

I’m talking about the first time you kissed me my whole body a crime scene.

Let's run. Let's keep running. Let's swallow so much blue our mouths become skies become oceans.

Hold on to whatever of me is easiest, like my hands or this thing in my chest that can't stop talking about you.

Said your name and it said something back. We can call that love, if you want. Always speaking back.

We promised we could be good like that again. Said, No one has to die this time.

I wanted to keep just one thing safe, like this poem, but death always creeps in anyway.

We could run so fast because nothing was chasing us. Nothing could catch us. Not blood. Not war. Not other boys.

Say my name. Now, say something gentler.

Let's run. Let's keep running. Let's swallow so much red that our mouths become escape. So much red that our mouths become made of doing what you must; bodies made of doing what you can to survive.

That love is both the wound and what is used to make it.

It doesn’t matter what kills you just that something does.

You can have anything you want as long as you pretend that a weapon could be something other than what it was or do anything other than for what it was made.

And isn’t that love after all? Isn’t it what we were thought was worth dying for?

Each body sings its own song of agony: a memory of the myth that what cruelty puts into you, it must somehow take out again.​

In the end I took it all with my mouth undone and my head tipped back.

But violence like trauma is always wider on the other side.

We write elegies to the exit wound but pain is still the shortest distance between two bodies, is still the only ghost between the human and the divine.

#* meme. #ask meme #ask box meme #sentence meme

[ladyhierophant]

KITHRI BARWIN (she/her) is a thirty-one year old COURT MAGE and INFERNI. Her magic allows her to control FIRE, though the physical toll is undeniable. But aren’t you impressed? No? Well, you wouldn’t be the first. 

links: SKELETON. WANTED CONNECTIONS. PLAYLIST.  biography below the cut.

i. ignition. 

When you are brought into this world, a screaming and writhing ball of fury, your mother wails over and over: “I’m burning. I’m burning. I’m burning.” When you are brought to her breast to suckle, she shrieks and pushes you away and claims “it hurts.”  

Your mother cries for four days until her voice deadens to silence, and her teary eyes go unseeing. The midwives explain to your father that childbed sickness took her, and that it was the fever that burned her, but he does not believe them. He explains precisely two things to the women: one, that you are not his child, and two, that you murdered his wife. On the first, he is unquestioningly right. You do not carry his features, nor do you particularly look like your now-dead mother. Your face belongs to another man — who, your not-father does not know. It only matters that the memory of his wife has been tarnished, and the only piece of her that he might go on to have has not even done him the kindness of bearing her eyes or smile. On the second, the truth is complicated. You were unborn and your mother lived, then you came into the world and she died. Without you, she may have lived on. But is that murder? Your not-father assures you that it is.

He raises you, because he fears and loves the Undying God and knows that you must be his burden to achieve a blissful afterlife. He gives you his surname, even though to do so pains him. He allows you to call him father, even though he cringes every time you say it in your tiny, childish voice. You do all that you can to persuade him to love you, but it is all for naught. You are bad, and there is nothing you can do to be good. It becomes easier to lean into being bad, because then he at least has a reason to look at you. You are loud because it is the only way to avoid being ignored. You whine and cry and begin to throw tantrums until your not-father threatens to throttle you, or to toss your small body into the fireplace that you tend to gravitate to so often; as if it is the comforting skirts of an ever-absent matronly figure. It does not stop you. You beg to be seen, and will take whatever punishment comes with it.

One day, you are so angry and cry so much that it has no choice but to pour out of you: fire leaks from your burning fingertips and crawls up your throat from the black despair of your gut. For the first time, you see that your father does not simply hate you — he fears you. When it happens three more times — the fire finally unleashing itself from your mouth on the last occasion — you can hear your not-father crying to the Undying God for mercy as you pretend to sleep. Despite the tight squeeze of your eyes, you can feel the way the embers from the nearby fireplace pull towards you with something like a magnetic force  — inching closer and closer,  as if to give your fingers a soothing lick. 

You are six years old when your father saddles the horse and tells you that the two of you will be going on a trip — a long journey from your home in Koldam to a place called Tyrholm that you know nothing about. You are misguidedly excited. The ride is long and arduous, but you enjoy the forced embrace of your father’s arms around you while you sit in front of him on the horse’s saddle. He mutters often how hot your skin is, but the comments rush over your small head. He brings you to a city much larger than the home you came from, and takes you to an inn where the people do not know you and give you ignorant, kind smiles. He whispers to the husband and wife who own the inn while you eat a hot meal, and later chastises you for your nosiness when you ask him what they spoke about. As you are drifting off to sleep, you think you hear your father remark with a sense of uncharacteristic pleasure: “we are a long way from home.” 

When you wake the next morning, your not-father is gone.

ii. blaze. 

Your father’s abandonment causes a tantrum unlike any you have had before, and in your grief you nearly burn down the inn that he has left you to. The woman who runs the now-damaged property coughs smoke from her lungs as she grabs you by your wild hair and promises to make you regret what you’ve done. Her husband is more empathetic, and wrestles you from the murderous woman’s arms as he attempts to soothe his wife: “she’ll be dead before long, sweetling — do not test the Undying God’s mercy by killing her yourself!” 

The wife yells more at the husband, and the husband tries again to calm his wife, but all you hear is that you are dying, and the revelation leaves you feeling chilled for the first time in your life. With fear coursing through your veins, you run from the couple. You run even as the innkeeper attempts to take some of the gold coins your father had paid him to toss at your feet. You run even as the innkeeper’s wife screams for the guard. You run until exhaustion claims you, and you sleep that night in a cramped alleyway amongst the muck. 

When you wake, you realize that you are truly alone. You do not know the way back to Koldam, and even if you did, you cannot simply walk back. You have no coin with which to purchase passage back to your home — and even if you did, you know with a too-mature sense of realism that nothing awaits you there. You are as good as an orphan, though perhaps that has been the case since the moment your mother breathed her last breath.

You survive on the streets in spite of the stink of death that clings to your skin. You steal to eat when the charity of strangers fails you, and sleep under porches and in hidden shadows. There are brief instances when merciful strangers allow you to sleep amongst their livestock, and even briefer occasions when a bleeding heart takes you under their roof for an evening. No one will hold on to you for long once they have an inkling of what you are. Slowly, you learn what that is. The inferni are the stuff of childhood nightmares, and now you are more horror than girl. For a long time, you strive to ignore the feeling of fire under your skin. For a long time, you wait to die. Despite this, you continue to live. 

When the fire inside of you can no longer be denied, and when you are no longer convinced that every day you will die tomorrow, you start to play with the magic — just a little bit, and just to see. You watch as fire dances on your fingertips, and flows from your lips. You feel the way glowing torches and roaring fireplaces call out to you. Slowly, carefully, you find that you can bend the flames to your whim. You sense the innate control you have over the fire, even despite the cautious voice that whispers it controls you. 

Over time, dying begins to feel an awful lot like growing power. 

iii. wildfire.

You become the topic of whispers in Tyrholm, and you cannot deny that you like it. They whisper that you ought to be dead by now, and they whisper that you could burn a stable and all its horseflesh without blinking an eye. In all your years in the foreign city that has reluctantly become home, you have caused outright destruction only a handful of times, and nearly always by accident. There are few over the years who have cared enough to know your name, and your tendency to hide in plain sight means that you have evaded the notice of the guard. 

You have never destroyed a stable with your burning hands, but when you hear the rumor, you know that you assuredly could. But what is true does not matter to the mundane civilians, who view your magic as something that can never be tamed. You have always craved attention, and you endeavor to feed off of their fear if it is all they will allow, but it does not taste nearly so sweet as the awe and reverence you not-so-secretly hope for. You think that if you could only show them all what mastery you have over the fire that flows from your body, they might realign themselves accordingly. Just as you did with yourself, you can slowly show them what you can do, and gradually reveal your power. Beyond the fears of conflagration, there is a beauty to what you can do; your very existence is something to behold, if they would only look your way.

If you cannot convince them to be wonderstruck by what you are capable of, you do not know what other options you have. You are uneducated and without a trade; too short-tempered to be a serving wench and too proud to be a whore. If they cannot see your beauty, whatever time you have left will comprise much of how you have lived so far: a street urchin on the brink of starvation, equal parts hungry and angry. Your very survival depends on a change of their hearts. You know that in order for them to be awed by you, you must act as if you are awed by yourself. 

This forced arrogance is your downfall. 

You bring too much attention to yourself too quickly, and the guardsmen that the innkeeper once threatened you with as a child finally arrive, albeit nearly twenty years later. You suspect at first that you will be brought to the cells and charged with disobeying the confusing laws on magic set forth by Septimus, but instead you are brought to Castle Tyrholm. Bizarrely, you are told that you will be brought before the King. You assume that this must be because he wants to deliver the punishment to you himself; to make an example out of you in front of his court. You expect to be thrust onto your knees before his throne, and instead find yourself ushered into the reception hall sometime after the King and his nobleblooded guests have eaten their fill. The occupants, Septimus included, stare at you. You stare back. A miserable beat passes, and then the King demands: 

“Entertain us, mage.” 

You waver for a moment, unsure of what to do, but decide ultimately that if your eternal fate is to die, you would rather do so showing them all some small piece of what you are capable of. You don’t approach the extent of your capabilities, but you allow a fraction of your true power to escape in a pretty dance of flames that causes gasps to erupt amongst the blue-blooded guests. When you tire yourself, you expect to see condemnation on the faces that surround you. The sound of applause is foreign, and you unabashedly revel in it. 

You are offered a position at court that evening, and you do not hesitate in taking it. A part of you knows that it is not an offer, but a demand  — you are just too clouded by the heady haze of appreciation to mull over the consequences of that difference.

iv. inferno. 

Six years elapse at the King’s court, and you have long-since known that it is not the hub of reverence you had hoped it could be. Not for your kind. Regretfully, it is not even a place where you feel at all accepted or appreciated for who you are. You are not exactly feared by the nobles who occupy the court, but it is not because what you are and what you are capable of does not frighten them. They view you as something wild that the King has broken; a dog on a very tight leash that does tricks for food and shelter. Their laughter is sometimes uncomfortable as they watch you perform your magic in the court, but they are nonetheless comfortable enough to laugh at all. Their applause is sometimes stilted when it is too clear that you are angry as you put on your little show, but they clap when Septimus claps anyway. 

You would not dare bite the hand that feeds. 

For all the scars that mar your body — the mark of death on your skin over and over again — you are still alive, which seems to impress nearly no one. The only magic that amazes is the work of the necromancers: they give the miracle of life, whereas the miracle of your life resonates with none but you. You are desperate to prove that you are so much more than the other inferni who have come before you, but you have no platform beyond court jester with which to do it. You feel an untapped power swirl in your gut. You grit your teeth and try — unsuccessfully — to ignore it.

When the King’s son prepares to lead the fight against Koldam, you ask — beg, really — for the chance to travel with him. You have no love for the son of Septimus, but you think it may be your only opportunity to show the full extent of your capabilities. Selfishly, secretly, you also have some desire to have revenge against the place where you were born. If your not-father is not dead, then he is old — but you nonetheless dream of him wearing a poor man’s armor while riding atop that same horse he’d taken you to Tyrholm on, burning in your flames. 

When you are categorically denied and encouraged to return to your courtly duties, you understand that you will never be seen as you wish to be. You will never be on the same playing grounds as the Court Necromancer, who commands the respect of Septimus himself. There is no more hope to grasp at — there is nothing salvageable in the King’s court. Him and his kind will bid you to be their clown until your fire burns you from the inside out, and you finally die: a legend amongst inferni, and yet not at all remembered by those who beheld you. 

At last, you realize the undeniable truth about what must be done. You decide then that if you have to burn up entertaining the nobles, you think it is only fair that they should burn too. For those who are left behind in the wake of your flames, you think your smoldering ghost will tell them the truth they have all so earnestly ignored —

—  a mage is not to be underestimated; an inferni least of all.

#— the stuff of nightmares

[necromancerwren]

describe/build your decomposing undead scientifically

because, let’s face it, we’ve all thought about it. 

hidden under a read more to observe: cw for body horror, death/decomposition mention

So, you’re a DM/GM/whatever-M and you’ve got a necromancer in your party (or perhaps as your BBEG) and you want to have more than just the run-of-the-mill undead to choose from. Well, here I go to put on my biology hat and attempt to give you a few variant things to add onto your enemies to make them more scientifically accurate in both description and stats. Feel free to mess with any dice or numbers suggested here! Most of these boosts will make your undead more dangerous, so please bear that in mind

There are five defined stages of decomposition: fresh, bloat, active decay, advanced decay, and dry/remains (sometimes this is condensed into four stages with active/advanced decay being put together). In TTRPGs, we tend to think of undead monsters as either in the fresh or dry states, as those are the least disgusting, at least imo. I’m not putting images in this post but if you are interested in seeing some (for whatever reason) here’s a quick graphic from some paper about decomposition. Fun fact: most images accompanying articles about human decay are of fetal pigs because pig flesh is the closest equivalent to human flesh in organisms that we can study.

Okay, I’m done ruining pork for you now. Here’s what you really came here for:

1. Fresh (also called Autolysis) [0-48 hours post death]: 

The Latin speakers here will probably notice that the latter word can be roughly translated to “self-eating”. In this stage, through a series of processes slowing down, cells burst and release enzymes that begin to break the body down. This starts immediately after death. The body will also undergo rigor mortis in this stage, and bugs begin to lay eggs in it. 

Use the statblock of whatever just died as opposed to the undead statblock for a fresh undead. When the creature is bloodied, add 1d6 poison damage to any melee damage that the undead takes to signify the free-running enzymes in the body.

2. Bloat (also called Putrefaction) [2-5 days post death]: 

At this stage, the bacterial activity in the body creates gas within the body, which is visible in the face and the abdomen. The blood vessels appear as red streaks before turning greenish with time. The skin is no longer intact and fluids begin to leak out from the body. Bugs are starting to hatch from eggs/grow up.

Use the Zombie statblock to start. Add on 4d6 worth of HP for the following effect. When the undead is hit by something that causes piercing or slashing damage, the hostile creature must roll a Constitution save. If the creature fails, it takes 1d6+2 poison damage from releasing the gas from the decaying body. When the undead is Bloodied, any creature that attacks the undead in melee should roll a Dexterity save to avoid being splashed with digestive fluids. If the creature fails, it takes 1d6+2 acid damage. When the undead is in its last 10 HP, it releases a Swarm of Rot Grubs (as detailed by Volo’s Guide to Monsters). This Swarm acts independently of the undead but should act at the same initiative as the undead.

3. Active Decay [6-30 days post death]:

This is when the body really gets nasty. The abdomen splits open at some point partially through it, releasing whatever is inside. Most of the body mass of the rotting body is lost in this stage, and most of the digestive fluids have leaked through the body and will coalesce in a puddle around it. Insect activity continues until the body is mostly bone.

Use the Zombie statblock to start. Add on 4d6 worth of HP for the following effect. Every 10 HP that the creature loses, lower its Constitution by 1 (this should only affect saves/throws). If you’d like, this debuff can instead affect AC (reduce by 1) or can be balanced by an increase to speed (+5 feet of movement). This is a quantification of the flesh being rendered from your undead’s body, so feel free to play with this as you wish. Any creature that steps within melee of the undead must make a Constitution save. If the creature fails, it takes 2d6 acid damage from the digestive fluids leaking from the undead. The creature starts with a Swarm of Rot Grubs around it and releases another swarm at its last HP. These Swarms act as described in the previous section.

4. Advanced Decay [30-60 days post death]:

I’m kind of ball-parking that time, honestly. The body dries up and starts to preserve itself at this stage; insect activity drops off and also it starts to smell less bad. At this point it’s more a dry husk of a body than anything else, though it does form a waxy layer called the adipocere that comes from digestion of the body fat.

Use the Skeleton statblock to start. Add on 2d6 worth of HP and start with a natural AC of 13. Reduce its Dexterity by 1 to represent the drying tendons/leftover bits on the body. The undead can break off part of the adipocere on itself and throw it as an Attack. It has a +3 to hit and deals 2d4 bludgeoning damage if it hits.

5. Skeletonization [61- days post death]:

The final stage of decomposition; all that remains are dry bones. This could take a very very long time to get to depending on moisture in the environment (drier climates lead to faster skeletonization).

Just use the Skeleton statblock for this, honestly. There’s not much else that you can add. If you really wanted to, every bludgeoning attack on the undead could result in bones loosening, giving you more improvised weaponry to choose from.

#necro homebrews #cw body horror #cw bodily fluids #probably necromancer rpg ideas

[megabadbunny]

if we let go (4/?)

He pulls her down for another kiss and he doesn’t mean it to be such a needy thing, so desperate and harsh and hungry, but the way her lips part almost immediately makes him suspect she’s every bit as starved as he is.

I.e., Rose gets a choice, even if she has to carve it out for herself. In this chapter, she and the metacrisis Doctor choose just how vulnerable they’re willing to be with each other.

***

rose x ten, rose x tentoo; a journey’s end fixit (of sorts), dedicated to @travelingrose , whose very good questions reignited my love/hate relationship with this episode/storyline, and to @goingtothetardis, who kept me encouraged while writing (thank you dahling!!! <3). (i believe this also fills some rose x tentoo / tentoo day / tenth doctor month prompts from @timepetalsprompts and @doctorroseprompts​ .) heavy angst, but also lots of flirting, fluff, romance, some adventure, and some smut; sfw versions on tumblr & ff.net, nsfw versions on ao3 and teaspoon. this chapter is where the nsfw stuff officially kicks in.

***

prologue | chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5

chapter four: what it is and where it stops, nobody knows

He isn’t surprised by the shrieks that pierce the night air. If anything, he’s surprised it took so long. He is, however, shocked at the sight of Rose, stumbling bleary-eyed into the galley, jacketless and bare-footed.

(Was she sleeping? Where? Just how tired is she?)

It’s not like he forgot she was here—how could he?—but the fact that she’s back onboard the TARDIS still gives him a jolt somehow, like plucking bacon straight out of the sizzling-hot frying-pan and managing to be astonished when it burns your hand.

“Can I help you?” the Doctor asks.

“Can’t sleep. You?”

“Can’t say I’ve tried.”

Rose blinks at him, confused, eyes narrowed against the bright galley light. “Oh,” she says, realizing. “You’re—the other you.”

The Doctor bites back the sarcastic response hiding behind his teeth. “That’s right,” he says instead, downing a gulp of his coffee. It’s black, bitter, and it might as well be jet fuel. He grimaces. “The other me.”

Another cry rings out, and Rose shivers, hugging herself against an invisible chill. “Actually, I wanted to ask—that isn’t Donna, is it? Making that noise? She’s…she’s not in pain?”

The Doctor softens a bit at that despite himself. For all her claims of change, beneath that tough new battle-hardened exterior, Rose is still Rose—tender-hearted and compassionate, sometimes to a fault. Gods, he’s missed that. She and Donna would have got on splendidly.

“No,” he replies. “She’s still in stasis. Can’t feel a thing.” He holds up his medscreen for Rose to see, the stats and figures from Donna’s wrist transceiver blinking across the tablet surface. “I’ll know the instant that changes, if it changes.”

Rose pales in horror at the sound of the next gut-wrenching shout. “Oh my god,” she says, instantly alert, all traces of sleepiness evaporated in a millisecond. “The other Doctor—what’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing’s wrong, it’s all to be expected.” He swallows another mouthful of the tar in his mug and frowns in distaste. Dreadful stuff, coffee, but tea seems just a little too indulgent at the moment. “Time Lord memories in a human brain, remember? Or human enough, anyway.”

“Is he gonna have the same trouble as Donna?”

“No, no, nothing like that. Got enough of my original genetic material to keep all his grey matter from leaking out.” He drinks in a deep breath. “Now, the nightmares, on the other hand…”

He trails off, because Rose has got that look on her face, and maybe it’s been a few years (or a few centuries, feels about the same), but he still knows that look, still knows it exactly, the someone-is-hurting-and-I’ve-gotta-do-something-about-it look. Which is a problem, because if he knows himself like he thinks he does—and unfortunately, a millennia is more than enough time to get to know yourself, your few good qualities and many, many flaws alike—this will not end well, not for anyone.

“Rose,” the Doctor says warningly, but already she’s padding out of the gallery, her footfalls echoing softly in the corridor.

The Doctor swears under his breath. “Wait,” he says, louder, pushing up from the table so hard his chair slams to the tiles with a thwack. He sprints after her, but by the time he reaches the hall, Rose is already meters and meters off—she’s faster than he remembers somehow, or is that just one more way that she’s different from before?—and he shouts, “Just leave it alone, Rose. Trust me!”

Not the most brilliant choice of words at the end there, he thinks when she doesn’t stop.

 ***

 Fire, fire everywhere and—

burning

(red-hot white-hot iron and copper and pennies, steel, metallic and cold-boiling in his mouth)

Skin, bonding in nano-increments, cells knitting together over bones grown solid and if he could, he would double over with the pain of it, the unbearable hurt of becoming real

“What are you whinging about?” Harriet Jones asks, arms crossed over a gaping black hole in her chest. “At least you got a new heart out of all this.”

(real isn’t how you are made, said the skin horse, it’s a thing that happens to you)

I’m sorry, he says, or tries to say, but he hasn’t got a tongue yet, just rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth tearing the insides of newborn cheeks

Laughter, and when he looks up again, past the blood-red haze clouding his fetal eyes, the Harriet-thing is grinning, skin stretched too-tight over a Halloween-store-parody of a skull. “Absolutely the same man,” she says, words dripping with disgust

and the faintest hint of something ruby-red—

“I never asked for it,” he spits out as soon as words can take form in his mouth. “I can’t count you amongst my many sins.”

Curling in on himself, a ribbon that twists and cramps and contracts, muscles rippling under the skin; raw fingers scratch themselves bloody and reach stretch break into the

(does it hurt? asked the rabbit)

(she opens her maw and entire galaxies float inside, suspended in midnight-black ink, rainbow-swirling like an oil slick)

“No, no,” he begs (wheezes; throat is parched and cracked and dry; xtonic radiation is a cruel and cowardly bitch)

(Please Susan please please please help)

“What do you expect her to do?” asks Rose, circling a protective arm around his granddaughter (what’s left of her, anyway, blurred and wet and staining Rose’s shirt). “She’s just as dead as the rest of them.”

Tear ducts form just in time for salt to well up in his eyes, burning his cheeks, holy water scorching clean in blistering trenches

(galaxies dissolve one-by-one and he can hear feel smell taste every one of them dying, rotting-sweet dead flowers dirty crumpled five-pound notes ash in his mouth)

Hand new and complete and he reaches out but Donna is there instead, and he watches, helpless, as she falls in agonizing slow-motion; it would almost be funny except wait it is funny he is laughing he is laughing he is laughing so hard he cries why can’t he stop

crawls over to her prone body, crumpled on the grating, dying over scattered galaxy crumbs and sputtering embers and he turns her onto her back, and something black is where her eyes should be, overflowing and staining fire-red hair

“I didn’t mean to,” he chokes out, but she can’t hear, the black stuff swells up in her nose and her mouth and her ears and it burns everywhere it touches, eating away at her skin and her hair and her cut-up leather jacket (and oh, the fit she would throw if she knew)

(it doesn’t happen all at once, said the skin horse, you become. it takes a long time)

(Doctor, she says, and her voice sounds funny and far-away)

“No, no, not that,” he pleads. “Anything else—”

She turns what’s left of her skeleton-face toward him and she screams

 **

 “Doctor!”

Air sharp in his lungs like a knife and the Doctor can’t get enough of it, gulping and choking until he thinks it might gash his throat.

“Shhh, you’re okay, you’re okay, it’s just a nightmare, it isn’t real—”

Hands on his chest, smaller than his but familiar, but they’re gone, she’s gone, all of her, and she’s never—

Frantic knocking against his ribs and he wonders if he’s ever been in a place so dark before, ever witnessed anything that ate the light like this. One of his hands slides beneath those on his chest, checking, and—yes, there it is. One heart, just the one. Damn.

“Doctor?” says the voice again, quieter this time. “Are you awake? Are you all right?”

Oh, god.

Impressions of the nightmare slowly fade, blinked away like the remnants of too-bright lights splashed across the backs of his eyelids, and the darkness in his room dissolves bit by aching bit. He can just make out the shape of someone else in his bed, silhouetted by the dim light leaking beneath his bedroom door. Too murky to make out any details, but she’s haunted his subconscious long enough that he would know her anywhere, unmistakable in any form.

“Rose?” rasps the Doctor, his voice rough from shouting (crying?).

“Yeah,” she says, fingers curling in his tee-shirt. “I’m here, with you. Remember? And everything’s gonna be…”

The Doctor doesn’t hear what she says next—blood rushes in his ears, pins-and-needles and a high-pitched whine and a thick thump-thump-thumping; cold sweat beads on his brow, and he fights the nausea threatening to wash over him. Forcing his breathing to slow, he pushes up in the bed. He can feel her staring at him, feel her concern. Relief and embarrassment rise up in equal measure, searing-hot fluid in a thin-skinned blister.

“Please get out,” he pants.

Her hands stall on his chest. “Doctor?”

“Please,” he says, brokenly, knuckles scraping the tears from his cheeks. He curses himself for ever letting anyone see him like this, for ever allowing himself to be so shamefully pathetic. “You never should have—I don’t need you here. Get out.”

The Doctor can practically hear Rose’s heart hardening at that.

Her next breath is tremulous, watery. “Fine.”

The bed jostles with the force of her movement, bedclothes twisting as she crawls over them and gropes semi-blindly for the edge of the mattress, and the Doctor realizes she actually listened to him this time. Really, properly listened—and she’s really, properly going. Now the panic rushes in, and the guilt, settling heavily at the pit of his stomach. Please no please don’t go please don’t leave please…

“Wait,” he calls hoarsely after her, but her feet have already reached the floor. “Rose—”

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it. Tell a girl Get out enough times, eventually it gets through her thick skull.”

He springs out of bed just in time to grab her hand before it can twist the doorknob. “Rose, stop. Please.”

“Why? Planning to call up any other regenerations to come spit in my face?” she snaps, her back turned to him. “How about my first Doctor, the one who died on the Gamestation? Want to bring him on over so he can have a go at me, too?”

Her shoulders are tense, hard as flint as the Doctor places his hands on them, gently nudging her until she turns around to face him. Her entire body quakes beneath his touch and he suspects that, just like him, her shivering has got nothing to do with the temperature in the room.

“I fought so hard,” she says plaintively, and the Doctor doesn’t need to see or touch her face to know she’s crying now. He can hear the tears thick in her voice, feel the sobs wracking her frame. “It’s been years, Doctor, and I tried—I thought about trying, settling into a life over there, and I could’ve, there were times I wanted to, I had friends and my family and a good job and there were blokes and a girl and I could’ve—but I couldn’t—not after all the things I did, and if you ever knew—and I just missed you so much, god, I missed you, and I thought—if I tried hard enough—”

Laughing through her tears, Rose shivers even more violently. “God, I’m stupid.”

“Not true,” says the Doctor firmly.

“I am, though,” she says with a sniffle. “I don’t know what else I expected. I mean, it’s not like I thought I’d come back and you’d scoop me up in your arms, or, I don’t know, profess your eternal love for me, or whatever. I just thought, I hoped we could pick up where we’d left off, just the two of us, and Donna too if she wanted, back out in the stars, and I thought, maybe, one day, if I was really, really lucky, maybe you would—”

He cuts her off with a kiss.

She stiffens against him, body going rigid under his hands, and he knows he’s being rude, or unfair, or possibly terribly unchivalrous; definitely something Donna would smack him for, and he wouldn’t blame her. And it’s messy, salty, wet, her tears viscous and sticky on Rose’s cheeks and her lips and now on his as well. But it’s warm, too, in a way that makes him dizzy, his chest expanding, his blood thrilling in his veins. And hopefully Rose can find it in herself to forgive him, because right now he just doesn’t have the words. He can only hope, desperately, that his actions will speak loudly enough in their stead.

(And he would be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking about this since these eyes first saw her.)

Eventually Rose relaxes in his grip, pulling back with a soft gasp. “You don’t have to do that,” she mumbles.

“Do what?”

She thumbs the tears off her face. “Give me anything out of guilt. Just because you think I want it.”

He nods. “All right.”

He kisses her again.

A strained little whimper rises in Rose’s throat and she snakes her arms around his neck and before he knows it, his arms are responding in kind, wrapping around her and pulling her body flush with his. She’s still shaking but it’s more of a buzz now, something he can sense in his skin, creeping into his skull like a rush of alcohol. His body floods with warmth as her tongue tentatively brushes his lower lip and a flash-vision pops into his mind, detailing how he could push her up against the door—

Suddenly he’s gone a bit jellylike in the knees and the Doctor breaks the kiss with a shudder. The room feels like it’s spinning around him.

(He’s relieved to hear he’s not the only one struggling to hide breaths gone ragged.)

“You…” Rose says, and swallows. “That’s cheating.”

“Never said I’d play fair,” the Doctor replies, step-stumbling back until his legs hit the bed. He sits down, grateful for the support.

Rose doesn’t budge from the door, so the Doctor holds out a hand—can she see it in the almost-black, can she tell he’s reaching out for her?—and after a few horrible moments of nothing, her warm little palm slides along his. She lets him draw her in, and he has every intention of wrapping his arms around her again, comforting them both with a solid, lung-squeezing hug, so he’s surprised when her hands reach out and cup his jaw, tilting his face upward. He wonders if, perhaps, her night-vision is better than his now, if she can see the nervousness and hope written across his features, but soon it’s apparent she’s seeing with her hands; her thumbs stroke the apples of his cheeks, tracing the edges of his sideburns and working up to his temples. His eyes flutter shut at her touch and he fights not to lean into it, like a cat. Fingers tangle in his hair and nails scratch lightly against his scalp and he can’t stop the hum that escapes in response.

He pulls her down for another kiss and he doesn’t mean it to be such a needy thing, so desperate and harsh and hungry, but the way her lips part almost immediately makes him suspect she’s every bit as starved as he is. She deepens the kiss and his tongue chases after hers. Dizzy with want, he clutches at her hips, he’s just got to touch her somewhere, anywhere she’ll let him, he needs to feel her, soft and solid and safe, but she’s still so far away, still oceans and oceans between them—

The Doctor doesn’t even try to hold back a sigh of relief when Rose clambers into his lap, pressing herself against him. The weight of her is warm and reassuring, the frantic pit-pat-patter of her heart against his a welcome rhythm.

“I don’t play fair either,” says Rose, and she kisses him fiercely before he has a chance to reply.

 **

 Afterward, she slumps against him, panting. Eyes shuttering closed, he wraps his arms around her, losing himself in the gentle rise and fall of their chests as their breaths slowly calm. But eventually Rose stirs in his arms, sitting back on his lap; the Doctor imagines if he could see her face in better detail right now, her eyes would be glazed, blinking heavily. He suspects his are doing much the same.

He feels like he should say something, but his breathing is too thick to allow any words out of his mouth. At least, that’s what he tells himself; the truth is, he’s still too stunned by the idea of Rose sitting in his lap to really register anything that’s happening right now, or anything that’s happened in the last few minutes, for that matter. A not-unpleasant buzzing sound has filled his head, pairing nicely with the numb feeling suffusing him below the waist, and it’s just a bit difficult to think past it all.

Rose wriggles off his lap, both of them wincing, and she walks off toward his en suite, fumbling for the light-switch in the dark. Soon she finds it (impressive, considering she’s never been in here before) and searing yellow-white light lances the Doctor’s vision, blinding him with its brightness. Moments later, the Doctor is surprised by the sensation of something soft hitting him in the face. He blinks out the light, confused, pulling a flannel from where it fell in his lap.

“Figured you might want to clean up,” Rose says from the doorway to the en suite. She’s not wrong, and oddly considerate—but something about her sudden frankness and neutral tone sets panic thrumming in the Doctor’s system all over again.

She’s not just going to up and leave after all that, right? Surely she wouldn’t?

The door to the en suite closes, leaving the Doctor alone in the darkness once again, frozen. Slowly, amidst the sounds of flushing and washing-up, he tidies up. The fresh, clean flannel is a blessing on his skin, but it isn’t enough to soothe the anxiety roiling in his skull, especially when the light turns back off and Rose comes out and, quietly, heads straight for the bedroom door. The Doctor wants to ask her to stay, but the words seem wrong, somehow, almost childish, and at any rate, they’re stuck in his throat.

Hand on the doorknob, Rose hesitates. “Did I push you?” she asks, her voice small.

“No,” he answers quickly, thankful that his tongue finally works again. “No, not at all.”

She sighs in relief. “And you, erm. Would you rather I left you al—”

“No.”

Another sigh. “Good.”

The mattress dips beneath her weight as Rose crawls back into the bed, and, his weary brain just a bit slow on the uptake, the Doctor follows after, sure to leave a respectable amount of space between them, just in case Rose wants it. But he soon learns he needn’t have worried; the second his head hits the pillow, Rose snuggles up against him, tucking her head beneath his chin and insinuating one leg between his. Surprised, but nonetheless pleased, the Doctor pulls her into his embrace, wondering how in the universe he managed to be the lucky sod she’s curled up against tonight.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” Rose mutters sleepily into his chest.

The Doctor startles out of his thoughts. “Hm?”

“What happened to Donna. It’s not your fault.”

It’s stupid, really, how quickly the tears spring up behind his eyes. He grits his teeth until the pressure fades, his fists clenching tightly in Rose’s tee-shirt. He has half a mind to untangle himself from her, to get up out of the bed and throw open the doors of the TARDIS and scream at the universe until his voice grows hoarse and his throat bloody, but the other half of his mind gently points out how Rose’s breathing has already evened out, how relaxed her entire body is next to his, how warm and soft she is in his arms. How she’s here, with him, now, despite everything.

With a tired exhale, he nuzzles into Rose’s hair. Fruity shampoo, expensive perfume, the faintest tinge of chemicals from her hair dye all greet him; marveling at how natural it all feels, the two of them close and quiet like this, he breathes it in, committing it to memory, just in case. He closes his eyes and, inch by inch, lets himself loosen.

She’s wrong about Donna, of course. But it was still nice of her to say.

***

Previous: Chapter Three | Next: Chapter Five

#timepetalsprompts #doctorroseprompts #ficandchips #tentoorose #tenrose #travelingrose #goingtothetardis #so for anyone who is concerned and doesn't mind mild and vague spoilers #i swear the tenrose stuff is coming on down the line #definitely some angsty setup to get through first but there will be payoff #rose loves all of the doctor and he loves her with everything he has #even if things are complicated between them right now #and even if there are two of him #lolol #but i wanted the story to be about choice--for everyone involved--and i wanted to show the events leading up to those choices #i promise this isn't going the route of 'ooh ten's such a meanie no wonder rose will choose tentoo' #everyone just needs time to adjust and ten in particular needs to pull his head out of his arse #also #like wow i just got so eager to start posting this that i did not plan things super well #apparently i repeated chapter titles? #so that's been fixed #and also i had a thought that i would split this up into two parts #it seemed to make sense at the time #but now i'm like #why? #so anyhoo thank you for your patience to everyone who's sticking with me and my weird edits and odd decisions and terrible update schedule #i love you all passionately! #<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 #mbb fic

[rebirth-hq]

12:00PM (Noon) - Rebirth Island

After some investigation and putting together pieces of the wreckage left behind, Rebirth security has come up with... not so much. However, with the help Cerebro, thoughts were picked up in an underground base just a hundred mile away from Ventura, California. 

The briefing was not a good one. Eden Corporation is a newly developed company with a terrifying motto: ‘Developing The Future’s Evolution’. They intend to extract the genetic code that runs through Mutant DNA making them what they are so that they can develop a serum that turns who they choose into a mutant. Their hopes with this are controlling the natural selection field and picking and choosing who gets what mutation. Thus not wasting any time on mutants not deemed ‘worthy’ of the taxpayer's money to make a new militia for Earth’s defenses. One completely ruled by Eden Corporation and without any personal ties to the outside world to affect their decision making. 

They plan on perfecting mutant kind many years before evolution does and with the help of a perfected Super Soldier Serum, lead that kind into finally ridding the world of all threats.

Rebirth’s board made the final decision early in the morning that their own will be sent in to save the children, stop all furthering of Eden’s plans and bring our children home.

Adults will be sent in groups with their task at hand. They are urged to stay focused and trust their fellow teammates. No going off their specified path.

Welcome to part two of Seize The Day! However, it’s not the end of it. Seize The Day will be evolving into something else in its entirety. But, for right now, there’s other work to be focused on.

Student cells will be shared as followed with punishments:

CELL ONE: Nathaniel Stark & Astrid Thordottir & Nikolai Barton. CELL TWO: Michael Rogers-Carter & James Rogers-Carter, & Aesir Lokison. CELL THREE: May Parker & Jasmine Wilson-Summers & Emily Rogers-Barnes. CELL FOUR: Lillith Lokidottir & Ari Howlett & Jakob Lehnsherr-Xavier.

Cell one will be taken from their cells and to a laboratory on a lower level and tied to stretchers. Their blood will be tested and Eden developed serum for evolution will be administered. Upon finding out of the low dosage of SSS in two of the subject’s blood, measurements will be taken to induce mutation. They will be subjected to low levels of shock therapy that will slowly progress throughout the hours in hopes develop some adaptation ability. The goddess in their hands contains no serum or mutation of any kind and will begin testing for her ability levels. Starting with endurance. While tied to her stretcher, blows from a machine will be administered to her torso to test damage done and her healing factor. If her factor passes the physical portion, other measurements will be taken starting with knives and cuts and ending in bullets from a machine gun. 

Cell two will be taken from their cells and carried to a large training facility. Here, they will be put through survival tests. Test Mutants will be unleashed and with instructions to kill. They have little worry about the three subjects lives as two of them are only super soldiers and their powers are solely in their blood while the other is a god whom shows similar powers with another subject and is deemed dispensable. This is solely to test the prototypes of the serum they’ve developed so far. One test mutant has the ability of fire-breathing, consumption and manipulation. Another has blood manipulation. And, the final has nightmare infliction.

Cell three will be taken from their cells and to a separate part of the laboratory cell one is in. They will be strapped to the wall and each given their own treatment. The subject who shows signs of radioactive mutation will be subjected to high dosages of a radioactive substance in hopes of enhancement. This substance is known for burning the skin, causing extreme paranoia and pain, and sometimes causing seizures when dealt with too closely. The last subject has shown to be the only mutant in the group. The mutant subject will be tested in her abilities to survive in the weather types in hopes of developing resistance naturally. With the bracelet on, her manipulation is just about none over anything around her, she will be subjected to high levels of heat, low levels of cold, shock therapy, and wind blasts strong enough to take her breath away for two minutes at a time. The last subject in this group shows only signs of SSS and will be slowly drained of their blood, only taking enough for a class three hemorrhage over the course of two hours until the body succumbs to death. The subject will be weak, pale skinned, dizzy, and feeling as if they aren’t getting enough oxygen throughout the time until they stop fighting it and let go. Blood will be stored and tested to develop a stronger SSS dosage.

Cell four will be taken from their cells and taken to a dome in the facility. The first subject who shows signs of magic will be tested on her survival relying on it. The bracelet around her ankle will be tweaked and release just a low amount of magic, enough for a parlor trick or two, she will be put up against a Test Mutant, one that can manipulate the elements. His instructions are to kill her and have her teach their cameras and future generations of ‘gods’ how to channel their magic. Her vitals will be monitored throughout the testing. The second subject who shows signs of not only mutation but a serum used in the Weapon X program will be placed in a glass cage and subjected to a poisonous serum that shocks the system in hopes of unleashing some healing properties they lack. The serum causes a great amount of pain, and slowly eats away at the muscle tissue. Most subjects have made comments of feeling bugs under their skin and have gone crazy from such. The final subject who has shown signs of mutation will be put against his own mutation. Much like in the Weapon X project, he will be given high dosages of Adamantium in hopes to lace his skeleton with it and be given a modified sample after his body reacts and changes the metal to a different one entirely.

Teacher groups and tasks will be as followed:

GROUP ONE: Charles Xavier (LEADER), Peter Maximoff & Sharon Carter. GROUP TWO: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers (LEADER) & Natasha Romanoff. GROUP THREE: Bruce Banner, Tony Stark (LEADER) & Gabriel Summers. GROUP FOUR: Sigyn Odrdottir, Loki Laufeyson, & Peggy Carter. (LEADER).

Group one will be in charge of getting the other groups to and inside of the underground base. The will be in charge of travel, eliminating the outside forces, and providing a safe and clear entryway.

Group two will be team alpha. Going in before anyone else. They will take care of the second wave of soldiers or wanderers. Their objective is to not only eliminate those who need to be eliminated, but also capture the big guys: majors, colonels, head scientists, etc. They will be in charge of interrogation at a later point.

Group three will be team beta. They will go in only when it is completely safe for them to do so. With only one person on their team as back-up and cover-up, the two scientists/hackers will need to make it to the control center of the base. Everything needs to be shut down and vital information must be safely transferred to Rebirth before being deleting. The alpha member of this team is to assure the two can get their work done without any distractions.

Group four will be team delta. Led by one of the directors, they will go inside and burrow deep into the underground base to find and rescue the children. The two gods with her will be there for protection. CODE RED: Loki Laufeyson is a supervillain, both of the team members have orders to strike him down if he steps out of line, regardless of the mission. Utilize his abilities to navigate through the base.

Paras are encouraged, but Discord RP will be accepted. We will be making a group for each team and once the RP is done, we want you to post all replies to Tumblr under a read more with a title and our starter tag: mmplotdrop1! There will still be no interactions between parents and children, so please keep that in mind. 

If you’ve already started your rps, that’s fine, students. Just at one point, you are now allowed to bring a guard in to drag them to their ‘punishment’.

Have fun! Don’t go losing too much blood.

#mm;event #plot drop: seize the day 02

[enfaeutchie]

Horoscopes: March 1st, ‘18

There's a future coming to get you, and you can't outrun it. I guess you could try hiding? I wouldn't count on it. Futures probably have X-ray vision or echolocation.

Capricorn: There's a knock-knock-knocking at the door, and it's not a joke setup. Wait, what's that glittering on the back of the door? Screws? Open the door - somebody's installed one of those giant metal knockers in the shape of a gargoyle's face on your door! You look around - every house/apartment/cell/cupboard in the neighbourhood/building/wing/personnel storage complex has one on their door! You head back inside and prepare a small shrine to give thanks to the Knocker Fairies for bestowing upon you all such an honour.

Aquarius: Picture the world as a river, or possibly a large stream. You're a reasonably large marine mammal. The current is time. The various tributaries are opportunities. The fishermen are The Man trying to grind you down. The fish around you don't represent anything in particular, but help to round out the metaphor. Now you know what you need to do.

Pisces: The quality of your future relies upon your ability to draw a magical chalk circle today, as you will be summoning it yourself. Incantations and appropriate scented candles can be found at all good occult retailers. If you accidentally summon somebody else's future, fear not! It'll be like a cultural exchange! If you accidentally summon your past, fear greatly! It'll be relatively unpleasant! I know there's a lot back there I wouldn't want to relive.

Aries: Your horoscope has been hidden, scattered throughout the land. You must recover each fragment - the location of each one will be revealed in time. If you want to fast-track it, I can recommend some ominous old women and mysterious shops that aren't there when you go back to look for them. Unfortunately, of course, by the time you've actually assembled the horoscope it will be redundant since you'll probably have already lived it, but I think sometimes the adventure is its own reward.

Taurus: There's a legion of strange men in trench coats full of hokey watches waiting for you down every alley. If you climb inside their coat they will take you to your destination for a much cheaper fare than your average taxi, but beware: it will be musty. You might be surprised, as it goes, how vital weird strangers selling watches are to the fundamental function of the universe and history. Queen Victoria was said to have them placed at strategic locations about the palace, and the Romans told horror stories of Persians selling sundials.

Gemini: I see that, sneakily, you've gone ahead and had your future already without telling me. I don't appreciate that much, but I can't help but admire you for it. Keep it up, you rebel - just try and keep me better posted. It's only polite, isn't it?

Cancer: Remember to pay your time tax! One minute from every one hundred and twenty must go to the relevant authorities for processing. Of this time, ten seconds will be given to orphaned children. Another ten will go to foreign aid. Ten more will be put in a vault to preserve it until a dystopian future government can exploit it before being taken down by a series of plucky protagonists. The final thirty will be divided between a number of obscure rituals, just in case one of them works.

Leo: You will be visited by several large and horrible things. They will drink your hot drinks with altogether too much sugar and only eat the chocolate biscuits. They will seem to enjoy your company, but their anecdotes will be bland and one of them will constantly be asking to use your bathroom. Desperately trying to be polite, you will smile and agree when one of them beams the suggestion of seeing each other more often into your fragile brainmeat. After what seems to be an eternity, you will shuffle to the door to let them our, your muscles having atrophied considerably by this point. They will come back, one day. But in that moment, on your doorstep? You will be free.

Virgo: All radios, televisions and other devices near you for the next two weeks will display weird static interspersed with horrifically cliché nasties. Along with the completely banal weird clowns, you can expect to see characterless pale women with bad hair, dancing skeletons, semi-translucent people walking through hallways and poorly-edited pictures of people with obscure developmental abnormalities. The radios, meanwhile, will have generic creepy whispering first and foremost, with heavy helpings of distant screams, faint voices calling your name and chanting in obscure languages. It will get tedious very, very quickly.

Libra: As an interesting reversal, your future is actually running away from you. I hope you've been training, because you'll have to track it down and merge with it to continue. Its tracks can be identified by being extremely unidentifiable. It may attempt to set up traps or snares to slow your progress. It should be given no mercy, for it does not truly live. Carpe diem crās! Seize tomorrow, literally, and don't let go until it becomes an integral part of your being!

Scorpio: Your future is caught in a trap! Skin it, butcher it, and sell it at the market. Or feed it to yourself or your family - there's good meat on one of them. What, you want to let it go? Watch it run free? Don't you realise futures were never meant as part of our ecosystem? If you let it out, then soon it will be giving badgers senses of time, and then suddenly you have a Badger Rights League demanding citizenship, good dental care and custom-made badger wristwatches. It's almost too terrible to imagine.

Sagittarius: Shoot high! Aim for the stars! But don't waste all of your fuel on the ascent - if you're trying to go for a solar orbit, you'll need to burn a significant amount to knock yourself from the apogee and into a stable trajectory. Once you've done that, you're probably going to be okay, unless you get cocky. You know what happened to Icarus? Well, imagine that, but a thousand times hotter and more incendiary. On second thoughts, maybe don't aim for the stars. Go for a lunar orbit instead - far less risky.

Ophiuchus: ...what do you mean, there are only 12 signs of the Zodiac? Ophiuchus, the serpent-bearer, is a perfectly legitimate sign! I won't hear a word spoken to the contrary. Anyway, if you're an Ophiuchus, expect a sudden and abrupt end to a long journey. Don't worry, this is for the best, as whatever you were doing is far less important than spreading the word about the legitimacy of Ophiuchus as a star sign. Aim to tell fifty people about it before the next set of horoscopes come out.

More or less incoherent than usual? I know not, for I wrote these in a haze and shall not remember them in the morning. Hopefully. It's actually a really good way to work!

Avack, Deployer of your Latin Phrase for This Month.

Some of these were kindly provided by associate truthseeker the Right Honourable BlazingTrail, but I cannot fo the life of me remember which ones.

#avackscopes

[antiagingsol-blog]

A few of The Earth 's Many Powerful Anti-Aging Foods

Research studies have been concentrating a great offer in current years on determining which kinds of foods have one of the most considerable anti-aging characteristics. One element which has actually helped this process has actually been the invention of the ORAC (Oxygen Radical Absorbing Capacity) score for food products. This sophisticated-sounding name just suggests to the total antioxidant degrees for a specific food and also it 's unexposed potential to soak up the various complimentary radicals which are liable for so muc cell damage as well as premature aging. Certain foods that we eat which have actually been selected as having a really high antioxidant consist of such items as black beans, strawberries, sweet potatoes, irish potatoes, pomegranates, most leafy environment-friendly veggies, pumpkins, zuchini, squash, cherries, raspberries, blackberries and also lots of various other kinds of berries. One berry that definitely sticks out from the rest is the goji berry, undoubtedly where goji juice is made. It 's Latin name is Lycium Barbarum or simply Lycium. Goji berries are so remarkable since to their balanced polysaccharide account. In fact, Dr. Earl Mindell, R.Ph., M.H., Ph.D (among the globe 's leading nutritional expert) claims that the Goji Berry is just one of our most powerful anti-aging foods that we have available to us. He likewise states that scientific research has actually proven that numerous of our earth 's lengthiest living individuals injest regular everyday servings of this reasonably little fruit which could actually be the most powerful food of it 's kind. Goji berries as well as therefore goji juice come from the ' Rooftop of the World ', the hills of western China where water and air high quality is at it 's most beautiful. Dr. Mendell, that is not only one of the greatest account nutritionists on the entire world but also the writer of some fifty-odd books concerning health and wellness & nourishment such as ' The Vitamin Scriptures for the 21st Century ', ' The New Herb Scriptures ', as well as ' Peak Efficiency ' to call simply a couple of has actually stated that The role of goji berries and also juice in the human body has actually been medically examined with strong results. After gathering goji berry examples from throughout the globe, Dr. mendell as well as his clinical personnel have used a spectroscopic analysis, which is essentially a molecular fingerprinting strategy, to pick the first-rate as well as most nutritionally rich wolf berries that have the greatest absorption prices in individuals. Some people ask yourself what does it cost? Goji Juice they should ingest daily, and Dr. Mendell has asserted that in between one to 3 ounces each day is perfect for most folks. The good news is, there are no well-known negative effects from drinking excessive goji juice. It is just all-natural to intend to restore out bodies with healthy food. Goji berries and also of program it 's juice is merely among the most respected anti-aging foods that we have offered to us on the planet today. As Rodney Collin was estimated as stating from ' The Concept of Conscious Harmony ':. " A physique was provided to us by Nature at our birth. Somewhere exists the original Divine spark introduced from God as well as which refound, will certainly be his aware spirit. ". On top of that, an old proverb goes something like this: ' The happiest of individuals do not always have the best of every little thing but they just take advantage of everything that comes to them. The brightest future will always be based upon a neglected past and you will certainly not relocate onward until you let go of your past failures in addition to sufferings.

You can read more informations here anti aging lip treatment

welcome to the webinar everyone so in this webinar we're going to talk about anti-aging I want to teach you so great things if to actually reverse aging process is it possible I think it is I've been working with a lot of people over the years and I found that they do get younger as they get healthier so the goal is to make you younger every year that you age so that would be cool um so um I'm gonna just go to some slides right now um let me just share my screen here make sure you can see everything ok so so here's the thing when we talk about anti-aging you know if you do research on the internet you're going to see there's a lot of information about just skin creams taking vitamins looking good on the outside using different facial scrubs in that type of thing but there's a lot more to anti-aging than just a superficial putting a cream on your face try to get rid of wrinkles so we're going to talk about two things one is how to look youthful as you get older but we're also going to talk about you know the heart of anti aging which is to postpone your life to prevent dying in early age we're going to talk about that because it makes no sense to you know try to look young why you get cancer and dropped it a heart attack so I'm going to cover both things today and I wanted to mention that one of the things that really emphasized is to increase a health reserve to build up kind of a health insurance reserve and there is a test that can be measured to look at the internal health reserve and I have one of my patients that we just today we're evaluating we're looking at her health reserve and trying to build that up and I just want to kind of show you this little graph here you can see there's a there's this taller dial in a small dial the tall dial should be straight up and down and the small dial should be all the way to the right so if the small dial goes to the left that that's indication that the person is losing their their kind of their recovery Reserve and I look at that as kind of like that the deeper health reserve this test just to keep it really simple without giving you a lot of big words is it's called heart rate variability it's a test that measures the data in between the heartbeats it measures how elastic the heart is it measures how the heartbeat varies from one beat to another and it's one of the best indicators of overall mortality from heart attacks so I don't use it for that but it will give a prediction on how healthy you are overall but also for the heart the reason I'm bringing this up is because it probably taken 10,000 of these graphs and there was only been one person that has ever had a perfect graph and he was 80 years old yeah and I'm like who is this guy he was walking down the street with his dog he falls in a hole hit knocks himself out he lays there for three hours knocked out unconscious wakes up his head's bleeding goes back home he has a stiff neck he sees me three days later his wounds are almost healed um he has a slight stiffness in his neck so he had a perfect perfect graph and I'm like who the heck is this guy so apparently when he was younger he took the Olympics in water polo and he's maintained his health ever since that so he could basically hold his breath three and a half minutes underwater at this point so out of all the things all the workouts all the sports events I would say that water polo is probably the most incredibly difficult I almost drowned right up through the sport in college with my roommate was into water polo he would just hold me underneath water until I let go of the ball he would anchor his foot into the drain pipe until I you know cooperated so it's an intense workout so in other words I'm trying to just let you know that it is possible to measure your health reserve and it is possible to improve it so let me go to the next slide here so I think we should probably start this whole webinar by isolating what are the top causes of death if you look it up this is ill they'll go ahead and tell young WebMD it's the heart disease cancer chronic respiratory accident stroke Alzheimer's diabetes influenza pneumonia nephritis that's kidney problems and then suicide so those are the top causes of death but they forgot to mention one big cause of death and that's probably the number one it is not probably it is the number one cause of death and that is conventional medicine now in the next slide you can look at the links because I'll send everyone needs a these PDF files but the point is that seven hundred seven hundred thousand people a year die of reactions to prescription drugs and necessary antibiotics unnecessary medical procedures hospitalizations so that actually ranks number one so I guess the therapy the best therapy is to avoid doctors if you want to live longer probably you know the question is how many people actually die the vitamins in 2010 not one person in 2004 there's three people who died of mega doses of vitamin D and vitamin E but I would in their synthetic and of course the one person died as a result of overdose with iron and fluoride but I don't consider fluoride a nutrient so there's been a huge push you know by certain people to pretty much make alternative care dangerous you know it's quackery it's scams but I personally think it's just a way to camouflage just like their own secrets or skeletons because the amount of medication Pumped in young children nowadays even psych drugs that are pushing and the soldiers there's 23 suicides every single day in the military and that's from the side effects and psychiatric medication so I wanted to just share a story by a client she told me today she can you tell us what happened you you basically went to the doctor and you wanted some help and you started to you had a whole list of problems because we're working with you but there's some other issues that you wanted to kind of evaluate can you just tell us a little bit about you walked in there and you saw the nurse and what what was the first thing that she said well um first I she asked me what I was there for so I said well I have a list of things and I had had some symptoms going on so I'd been keeping track of them and writing them all down and I started list listing them off to her and she looked at me like I was crazy and she said ma'am you're gonna need to pick the top two because she's not going to have time to to deal with all of those issues look I'm a little shocked like it's like when you go to a doctor you have a list of problems all those are connected yes suffer problems yes yes and that's what I tried to tell her I said no the doctors going to need to listen to me because these are all connected and I need her to to help me figure out what is going on so she left the room sort of hurriedly acting very like almost rude but when the doctor came in I did make her sit there and listen to me with every single one of my symptoms because they are all connected like you and I spoke today yeah and so so one of the things that what's lacking in in health care I mean look at this you got the top cause of death is over medicated patients unnecessary procedures with everything has become so specialized into um if you have a digestive problem you go to this doctor and er come problem you go over here but they're not looking at the whole picture I think even with you you had I think you had some history of panic attacks or something right yeah and they bet what do they what do they say about that um so I talked to her about that and told her that I have been having some panic attacks he basically said okay so here's a script for you to go to the psychiatrist and I didn't go to the psychiatrist and they said okay well here's some lorazepam or I don't remember what it was and you know um there wasn't any let's talk about why you're having panic attacks or what might be going on it was well here's this medicine go ahead and take it so it was very disheartening and frustrating yeah yeah I know it's um it's you want someone to listen to you to a by way to come up with some solutions um and then I think you eventually saw the doctor okay did he really what did he do did he say none okay so so as I went through my list of symptoms he she it was a woman she says okay so you're having um some panic attacks and and feeling like this so here's your referral to go to the see the psychiatrist and oh you're having hot flashes okay here's your referral to go to the gynecologist and oh you're having some joint pain here's your referral to oh in your hip and in your back so here's your referral to go get some x-rays done oh you're you're having constipation so take some fiber thing you know what I'm it just she was treating each one of the things as as a symptom as opposed to as opposed to looking at everything that was going on that's going on with me as a whole that there might be something happen um she just singled each of them out and sent me to other places and tried to treat each symptom individually yeah and that's why I wanted to do this webinar just to give you guys some real basic things I mean even one thing with you with your hip I did some muscle testing I found out I asked you a question I said do you cross your leg a lot on one side and yes you do yeah I mean you constitute and then that's the muscle that is weak because you keep crossing it and throws off the pelvis so um the some of these things are really really really um 'is obvious but the problem is those are the sometimes hardest to identify so I wanted to get through so I'm going to come back to that point but I want to just go through a couple things about the third leading cause of death since we're trying to live longer because I I kind of protest getting old I don't want to get old I know it's inevitable but I want to slow it down but it's important to kind of know what people die of that they're losing leading cause of death after heart disease and cancer is psychiatric medications I didn't even know that I looked that up and this is um in the cancer in USA and Europe over a half a million people die of either suicide or psychiatric medication that reactions to that I think that's why the drug companies are being sued by the billions so there's a lot of corruption going on with psychiatric drugs in the military all over the place and then you have this guy Stephen Barret Beret whatever his name is in quack watch which basically says he says most diseases have a little of nothing to do with diet it's not um and he goes into saying that it's most things are placebo you know don't take vitamins you know alternative practitioners oversimplify he says when they say that milling that's like rindy grain removes the B vitamins they don't bother to tell you the enrichment and back so you can see that here is a person who is very anti natural vitamins he's a psychiatrist which causes the third leading cause of death there's no it's just a joke so the philosophy that I wanted to teach you guys today is really going beyond the outside in and going the inside out working on the inside of your body if you want this the entire body to look youthful I think probably the one of the biggest in your seat industries out there is skincare and makeup and hair care and it's all just superficial you're just dealing with a layer of a very tiny layer on the outside of your body there is much better things to do to get the skin youthful prevent wrinkles and I'm going to cover what you need to do a better strategy would be to just really look at the quality of materials that you're putting in your mouth and your digesting I will say that certain parts of your body are replaced at different rates for example like your your skin cells sometimes you replace every four days the liver is replaced every three years so the red blood cells are replaced every four months the colon cells are replaced every three days so you're constantly replacing your cells and the question is what are you replacing them with I'm going to show you the best material to replace them with but there's one thing that doesn't rejuvenate or doesn't replace itself and that's the brain so once you kill off your brain cells you don't replace them they don't come back so what I want to do is I want to ask everyone who's on the webinar um a question what food and I'm going to just make this what is the food that gives us the highest nutrient value okay it's a category of foods and I want you to go ahead and I'm looking at your answers right now want you to take a well guess what category of food gives you the highest amount of nutrition out of all food categories I'm going to give you a second to answer that okay kale leafy greens vegetables kale veggies plants protein fats veggies protein okay well this is interesting because this is something that's kind of unknown um yeah berries no I always like that when you ask a column in I'll ask a question I'll say um okay does anyone know this and you know they're not going to know it so you just know that's not right so you're wrong you're wrong you're wrong so um what about you you have any idea what Leslie would what the highest nutrient food is on the planet that you can get all of your nutrition I should know this ah I'm thinking um I'm thinking yeah I don't know why but I could be wrong all right let me I mean I'm eating all the things on the side everybody's saying good stuff yeah oh sure the one that one thing I'm not sure what the one thing with me um okay so now I'm going to tell you um it is I thought I had slide on it but I don't organ meats oregon means up then yeah liver heart brains kidneys for it personally um I can't eat those foods I just I just can't eat them I think I was as a child that was forced to eat liver and I just can't eat it I don't know I have a hard time eating brains and kidneys but I'm just letting you know those foods I know a lot of them are toxic because of the animal feeds but I'm just telling you as far as the nutrients that are in those foods like it's it's really hard to find one food that has all the nutrients but there is one food that has all the and that would be the organ meats so if you like liver and you have an organic or free-range you know animal and you consume that it's not you will get a lot of nutrition especially like iron and there is one type of nutrient types of vitamin e treants that are better for looking young young than others and that would be the fat soluble vitamins and that would be like vitamin A D e K those vitamins yes they're in vegetables but they're actually in vegetables they're pre vitamins so in other words they have to convert into the active form and you have to have a good digestive system to consume that so you may if you're lucky convert about 5% of those true fats and vitamins to help division to the skin even vitamin A for your skin if you don't have vitamin A you actually dry out your skin you and you actually look older going on a low-fat diet is very very bad for anti-aging so let's go into some of the the foods or the nutrients that will help you stay younger or look younger the first thing I want to talk about is foods for college and support whisk collagen collagen is like the glue that holds the body together it's the UM it's in the joints it's in the skin if you lose collagen your skin gets thin and it sags and you get wrinkles and you look older so you can consume the collagen itself or bone broth or grass-fed animal products but you also need trace minerals to actually utilize that collagen you also need vitamin C to use the collagen so I wanted to show you something this is a grass-fed collagen that I got online Great Lakes gelatin I mean it's it's good if you have like a lot of joint problems arthritis and you don't consume a lot of animal products especially grass-fed that would be something you can try and but I found that most people are not really deficient in collagen it's not something that are not eating that's not why they're losing your collagen I'll get to the why but the point is that it's not a bad supplement to take but just by taking this doesn't is does not mean your skin's going to look youthful you need several things to to make that work um the big thing is trace minerals as trace minerals are not in the soils I've done seminars on trace minerals use a version I use trace minerals it's a plant-based it's not sea salt plant-based minerals have our fifty fifteen thousand times smaller than regular minerals so they it go in like a rocket ship so you need the minerals you also need the vitamin C complexes and I I wanted to show you a food that's very high in vitamin C but I want to first find out I'm going to ask you what foods are high in vitamin C what are the top three foods that are the highest in vitamin C let's see who can get that one right okay people are saying camu camu yeah that's a great citrus carrots broccoli kale spinach so you guys you you guys are doing pretty good on that one so I think you got that one down there the three foods at the highest in vitamin C which would be number one up ayah number two Kiwi and number three peppers now these are not from the grocery store these are from the farmers market these are freaking amazing peppers they're crunchy there's they're loaded with vitamin C and vitamin C you got to be careful about vitamin C because most of it is synthetic and I'm talking about ascorbic acid if you buy Ottoman C and it has over 100 milligrams of ascorbic acid it's just synthetic they make ascorbic acid from corn starch which has no vitamin C in sulfuric acid and you take this stuff you're not getting any / C complex it's not going to help your collagen if you do something like this you're going to get the complete complex because in the complete version of vitamin C you have enzymes a copper enzyme called tyrosinase you have the J factor the bioflavonoids the route ins all the different great complexes provided and C to help build collagen and organic copper it's a mineral in that thing and so it's and by the way a lot of the drought the vitamin C is stored in your adrenal glands so the dream glands are tired you won't have enough vitamin C to use that and the other thing is that when you take vitamin C in high dosages and synthetic versions it will create deficiencies of the other factors about and C causing spider veins and I'm going to talk more about this in the next seminar but Linus Pauling recommend large dose of vitamin C notice he has these spider veins around his nose that's a vitamin C deficiency because one of the side effects of scurvy is micro hemorrhaging of the capillary blood beds and so the scoop the bleeding gums the spongy gums that you have when you brush your teeth that's a vitamin C deficiency so and also fatigue is a vitamin C deficiency but also the arteries the arteries can in high-pressure areas have a micro hemorrhage hemorrhage and so the body puts a bandaid on it called cholesterol and calcium plaquing and that's what makes the clogged artery but the first thing that happens is the micro damaged hemorrhage from the vitamin-c complex deficiency so those are some vitamin C things that you can look at and especially for your skin I mean you need that collagen so now I'm going to go back to my slide if I can do a screen share let me see here okay so we have collagen bone broth if you took an org let's say some bones from and um let's a cow or something and it was grass-fed and you were to cook it over a day or two and make some bone broth and there's a great recipe that would not be a bad idea to drink that stuff it's really good for collagen especially if you want really strong nails and hair um I can actually if I can either use trace minerals to make hair stop falling out or sometimes collagen or the combination of both but because trace minerals also help the collagen form correctly so the combination is very very important especially for a hair loss so the most important thing to do is to make sure that your animal meats are grass-fed and I'm going to show you I use them like here's an example I do a lot of beef myself this is grass-fed um and the reason why I do grass-fed is because it has loaded with vitamin k2 if you've seen any of my videos you basically know about k2 it's going to be the next super vitamin it improves elasticity of the arteries it decreases blood pressure it gets calcium out of the joints it's quite amazing and of course we have the grass-fed Kerrygold butter that's vitamin K it's loaded with vitamin A and of course I'm showing all my food here um these are my eggs from the farmers market from a farmer that basically I have a video I'm going to put a video of this farmer because he has these cages in the grass field in the clover fields and they're like the human lawn mower they will eat all this grass and then he rotates them I mean talk about a pasture raised grass-fed chicken I mean those things are those eggs it's hard to even break the shell it's silt loaded with calcium so it's quite amazing um there's a couple questions I want to just go right to the questions um said the webinar keeps cutting out nope no worries I'm going to record this and I'll send you the link right when I get done what about fermented cabbage I love it I think that's a great idea and vitamin I mean cabbage is is really huge in vitamin C and it has a complete complex can spider veins be repaired by taking proper amounts of vitamin C well I wouldn't worry about the amounts I would worry about the type of vitamin C that you consume and yes it can be reversed if you have the whole complex just make sure you do not consume ascorbic acid um let's see what else grapefruit has some vitamin C but it's a bit too sweet if you're trying to lose weight I always have to talk about that because fruit tends to slow down weight loss okay good what what if you have autoimmune and can't do nitrates well then you can use the you know there's camu camu is a great vitamin c complex you can do that there's a lot of other things that you can do other than nitrates not a problem okay so there's three things for collagen support one is you need you possibly might need collagen you might need trace minerals and you you might need to support your your stomach because if your stomach has um if you have like acid reflux or you have bloating or burping and you don't have enough acid that could be the reason why you can't digest protein and collagen is your stomach has to be really really acid to to trigger those enzymes in the stomach to break down collagen so as you get older especially during menopause you lose your stomach acids so if I were trying to improve my collagen and I was female and I was menopausal the first thing I would do before anything is I would make sure that I correct on that digestive stomach pH so if I had like indigestion or s reflux or heartburn that means that I would have to add more acid to that stomach to correct it so the valve gets closed called betaine hydrochloride so if you're listening now and you have any digestive issues at all take some betaine hydrochloride maybe three with a meal get it from the help of store and then within a week or two watch what happens to your hair nails and skin it will improve because you'll start absorbing more of the collagen from the food you're already eating so we just have to look at those factors the next thing I want to talk about is very important and this is for those people that want to change the not just their health but the looking youthful and that would be the fat soluble vitamins and all the oils you don't want to go crazy you have to be able to digest them you need to have a good gallbladder to digest them but the point is that when people are pushing the low fat stuff that's when you start looking older you want to look at the shelf and get whole fat not low fat anything so if you're going to do some yogurt you know make sure it's whole fat of course you go watch out for the sugars and yogurt nowadays um so there's not a problem using the butter it's good for the skin because it contains vitamin A so the first item I'm going to talk about is vitamin A and that is in egg yolks grass-fed butter shrimp cheese sardines to nuts and fish it's in all the fatty stuff I'll show you something here um I'm going to show oh yeah cheese I'm from Wisconsin so I love cheese and of course Kerrygold here we go Kerry gold butter Kerry gold cheese this is my favorite cheese right here it's at BJ's in Costco now I can't believe it it's all grass-fed here's another grass-fed cheese from Trader Joe's I do a lot of cheese that has the vitamin K it has a vitamin A even even some vitamin D those are fat soluble vitamins that you need for your skin for your hair to prevent wrinkles so those are things that will really really help you and take them from the inside don't rub the butter on the outside of your skin that's not going to do it I used to crave butter as a kid I used to eat it of course I had no idea why now I know why I was deficient in vitamin A hmm so so vitamin A it's in these fattier type things that you were told to avoid mm-hmm so the other thing you can do is up coconut oil you can cook with it you can eat it fish oils the best fish oil that you can have is either krill or cod liver oil yes your grandmother was correct cod liver oil has a wonderful blend of vitamin A and vitamin D so don't I mean just I would start consuming just you don't need a lot of it you just need a little bit of it okay now let's talk about vitamin E why is vitamin E important you've heard vitamin E for scarring for skin health for sex hormones vitamin E is a precursor for hormones and it's stored in the pituitary when women go through menopause they don't use their ovaries very much anymore so they're not going to baby so what happens is that that dynamic that pituitary release every month is no longer it no longer has to work as hard so the vitamin E reserve tends to dry up in a lot of women and I find they end up with a vitamin E deficiency and they start getting unnecessary wrinkles so I fire you what I would do is I would don't be afraid to start consuming some of these fats but the foods that are highest in vitamin E are almonds other nuts sunflower seeds very high but they have to be raw sunflower seeds because when you cook them and you roast them you destroy the vitamin E because vitamin E is very sensitive to oxygen and heat okay fatty your fish like halibut salmon shrimp sardines lobster um and it's also in the leafy greens the spinach chard kale some eggs it's an avocado so it's an olives so those are just some some common things course vitamin D is the Sun fish oils eggs cheese um but other than that let's say you're not eating any officials or eggs or cheese because you're in a low-fat diet you don't get much Sun and you're going to low vitamin D levels vitamin D is necessary for the aging anti-aging process okay so what I'm going to do now is I just want to double check just to make sure that there's I'm answering any questions so someone says they love sardines cow's milk allergy well if you have if you're allergic to you know milk not a problem I've given you a list of other things you consume as well dandelion greens for vitamin A yeah well the the problem is the plant sources provide them an a they're all pre vitamin A so you're only going to absorb five percent and that is the challenge that we do if now I consume a lot of yes kale okay I eat kale I cut it chop it up my salad so that's loaded with vitamin pre vitamin A but it's C the cruciferous vegetables have other nutrients we'll get into that but the point is that you need to be eating them but you're not going to be getting the majority of your vitamin A from leafy greens because you only absorb 5% yeah I'm sorry okay let me just check these questions right here um you say BJ's has good caracal yes BJ's does carry the Kerrygold in bulk so yes tuna is is fine I know there's some problems with mercury um but I think there's certain time I'm actually going to do a video on tuna because there's certain types of tuna that are actually good and some tuna that it's not good I'm going to do a complete video because I don't want to get into a side thing on that right now fermented cod liver oil is the best and you can get that online you can get it from Amazon I do take that it's pretty good um I was given cod liver oil when I was a kid lasted until Easter yeah it's really good stuff um I found I sweat really bad with out my vitamin D interesting graying of the hair mostly after exercise well that's a stress see one of the things that we'll get into next is stress so I'll talk about that then can you get enough vitamin D from foods you need supplement that's a very good question I think you can maintain your body with just with vitamin k2 foods but if you have high blood pressure stiffness you have tartar on the teeth soft tissue calcium you have arthritis or types of joint problems then you're going to have to take extra and then once you get rid of that you can then maintain it after that so it is possible but not as a maintain maintaining thing okay now I'm going to show you something see if I can pop back over here now the accelerated aging of cortisol the hormone cortisol here's a new word that I want to teach you is called catabolism catabolism what does that mean catabolism catabolism is a breakdown of things it's something that breaks down in the body your body naturally uses the hormone cortisol to break down tissue but with the adrenal stress hormone being activated what happens is you get too much breakdown and not enough build up so you get this overall catabolic effect that means a breakdown effect on the on the muscles specifically your thigh muscles in the quad group so when you get up from a seated position or from a chair it might be difficult to mount this time to get up also the skin is very thin and almost paper like and I'll see that with people I'll look at their skin you can just see it's like very very very thin that's that's the problem of excessive cortisol with stress and you're losing your collagen you also have a disappearance of the elastic fibers and that's why your joints it's so brittle all the time as you age and that's just one of the effects of of course now I did a whole seminar on cortisol that was the last seminar I did and I talked about stress and if you did not see that webinar go ahead and watch it but I will give you some tips on stress right now because I would say one of the biggest things that ages people is stress specifically losses loss of a person loved one loss of a job loss of a marriage threat of loss financial threat of loss bad economy all that will add stress and so you do have to constantly work on reducing corners so there's a couple nutritional things that I recommend for cortisol I do recommend the adrenal day formula because it has a natural b1 and there that does not it's from nutritional use but it doesn't give you a yeast infection like some of the nutritional yeast out there and it's not synthetic like a lot of the nutritional yeast are enriched with synthetic so if you did um a that product and you take the that natural b1 with all the other things in it it'll tend to pull a lot of stress out your body you feel very very calm and chilled out so b1 is necessary to rid stress from your body and you'll feel a difference how do you know if you have a b1 deficiency there's a couple ways number one you feel a lot of nervous tension in your body you just like you can't relax you have a low tolerance to stress you have a Deema and swelling yes a demon swelling is that b1 deficiency many times as well you have nightmares where very vivid dreams so if you have any of those we know it's a it's a b1 deficiency and stress will cause that another thing you can do is get space go up for long walks because stress tends to inhibit your space and you get it's like you need to get outside and just get some space because that calms the adrenal gland down you're just a picture of how proteins and different things can break down fat can break down sugars can break down call it catabolism and just a breakdown okay we're shifting gears now to cancer control because one of the things that um which is a process is dying early from cancer I mean there are people all around me that are dropping dead with cancer patients patients relatives family members so it is a problem and there are things that we can do to reduce the risk of cancer and I want to talk about that um let's first define what cancer is cancer is a cell that is out of control it's it's duplicating at a very fast rate and the question is why there's a mechanism a machine in your body that is constantly keeping these extra cells that are radically growing out of proportion in check so there's a there's another word I'm going to teach you it's called apoptosis apoptosis and that that's basically controlled cell death your body is killing between 50 and 70 billion cells every single day which they need to do that because they need to clean out all these you know mutated cells the cells that we need to get rid of so we can replace with the new cells so for an average trial between the ages of 8 and 14 about 20 billion to 30 billion cells die a day so that's called apoptosis so now if we have if we're getting cancer we want apoptosis to work correctly to kill that cancer so apoptosis is a mechanism that's an important defense against cancer okay so that's the foundation I want to talk about so there's certain things that dis destroy this mechanism in block the your body's ability to kill off these cells and there's certain things that do it and this slide is out of order it's called endocrine disruptors so I want to just touch on this for a second what's an endocrine disruptor an endocrine disruptor is any chemical in the body pesticide herbicides fungicides insecticides heavy metals country-and-western just wanna see if you guys are awake that was a joke that was a dry sense of humor heavy metals country-western was a bad joke okay so endocrine disruptors are any chemicals in environment that alter your genes and cause disease there's these I have this book it's about three inches thick it's called the modern text toxicology's the basically the textbook of poisons okay the study of poisons and what poisons do with it to the body we are bathed in so many chemicals it's it's insane from walking out in the yard to our food to the air we're just bathed in all these chemicals I mean there's over four billion pounds of toxic chemicals releasing into our environment every single year that's 72 million pounds of recognized carcinogens which actually cause cancer so our bodies are constantly hit with these endocrine disruptors okay well guess what these endocrine disruptors mess up the normal process of your body controlling cancer so you may have known that already but I'm just refreshing your your mind I'm just touching right now I want to see if there's any questions real fast because oh yeah someone mentioned des diethylstilbestrol here's a there's a tongue twister diethylstilbestrol was used in the 50s from morning sickness I think over like millions of women were exposed to it and it caused problems not just in the offspring but in the third generation it it really destroyed our bodies and they did not test the long-term effects of that very very similarly to what they're doing now with the GMO foods so they made a lot of money and then now they banned it okay that's des so des is called endocrine disruptor destroys your how your hormones okay so now this really amazing car called the cytochrome p450 now I'm just this is another bad joke but it sounds like a car doesn't at p450 now a cytochrome p450 is an enzyme that has incredible capacities to turn those endocrine disrupters those poisons into harmless particles yeah so cytochrome p450 enzymes are these special enzymes in your liver and they're in different cells in your body that can break down thousands of chemicals toxins drugs and poisons and they basically just turn them into water-soluble particles that can go through the urine and it just so happens that the cruciferous vegetables increase your livers ability to make this enzyme that's really cool so here it is right here insecticides pesticides going to the liver and your liver if you're eating the right foods will basically dismantle those chemicals so your liver is like robust but if you have a fatty liver or it's a liver that's a bad liver from some type of virus or something then what's going to happen is that you're not going to get that breakdown how do you know if you have a fatty liver um a lot of people have it and they don't know it one of the biggest clues is your stomach being too big and that's causing visceral fat around the organs and especially the liver I sent five of my patients to the radiologist to get an ultrasound of the liver and they all have guts in five hundred a fatty liver so when you lose the capacity for liver you can't detoxify as well and you get a lot more toxicity and what do you have to do if you have that condition you have to basically start consuming a lot of cruciferous and avoid the junk you need to get the junk out of the trunk all right so if someone check the questions here dr. Berg isn't it more of a function of minerals actually being in the soil before you can assume that they're part of the plant in a plant or an animal that is eat it yes well that's why I really want to consume grass-fed animal products because our soils are so bad now that we need to and that you feed these animals corn and soy they're not getting a nutrition from that at all and it's all genetically modified so at least if it's grass it doesn't it's not genetically modified if you have a lot more nutrition in the grass especially like clover okay okay let's go back to the slides here okay at the liver very important with with your skin if you really work on your liver and you start consuming a lot more of these cruciferous vegetables your skin will start to change and you'll start looking better and better and better especially with acne and dry skin and youthful skin I mean the liver is really the hub of all the digestion of of your amino acids your proteins so we're going to talk about cruciferous for a second let me just fix the slide here cruciferous what does this moot word mean Chris crus which means cross it's basically certain plants that have these little crosses in them okay and here's some examples of cruciferous radishes Brussels sprouts kale cabbage bok choy and Swiss chard mustard greens arugula now I have some other vegetables in here too but I wanted just to mention the cruciferous family and this is this brings me to the next topic which is going to call um which is a different type of nutrient we talked about the fat soluble vitamins but we now we need to talk about the other nutrient that will not just help your skin and all that but it will help postpone your life cruciferous was studied by the World Health Organization and it was found to create some serious anti-aging effects and anti-cancer effects on your body each type of food is thoroughly tested to decrease the risk factors of many different types of cancer so one type of cruciferous will maybe handle like several type of cancers another one will handle a different other ones garlic is probably the top of the list that probably will that's like the most anti-cancer properties these are two different types of kale tumeric is a an amazing final nutrient it has phytonutrients I'm sorry turmeric is kind of a root that has phytonutrients so the category of nutrients that we want to talk about next is called phytonutrients plant chemicals these are different than vitamins and minerals and amino acids they basically are natural plant chemicals that have extra health factors or properties so they're there like they'll actually help with macular degeneration prostate cancer many disease states and so the question is why are not what why are we eating these foods I mean very few people consume these foods here's some good ones parsley cabbage and seek help seek help is great for minerals and iodine um but these are the foods that I consume on a regular basses if you don't consume them you need to start doing it for your liver and your skin will start to change as well even though these do not contain a lot of the fat soluble vitamins they do contain a lot of the phytonutrients which there are anti-cancer and again the GMO foods genetically modified foods are basically spreading all over the world right now and the two big ones are corn and soy and the animals that are consuming these are getting all sorts of inflammatory conditions and even the the pets that you have like even the dogs and the cats if you talk to a vet on these animals that come in with arthritis heart disease diabetes and inflammation in the gut it's because they're consuming GMO food when you just simply change the food not on GMO these things clear up but 90% of all the GMO corn and soy go to animal feeds that's pretty sad so in the grocery store that so-called natural chicken that you have from Purdue it's all GML unless it says organic it's GML now what does GMO GMO is genetically modified organisms and what they do is they they actually have them resistant to the herbicide called Roundup Ready and so you can spray more the Roundup Ready on these crops and so you bet they do that and it's around already the chemical name is called glyphosate and glyphosate is um pretty nasty stuff but of course they say it's safe so I think it might be okay um there's this French researcher by the way that was just a sarcasm um sometimes people don't get my dry humor I don't think they're safe but there's this French researcher who did studies animal studies and glyphosate and he found some serious problems with glyphosate and I'm on a semi I'm going to send you the link to it says that GMO and glyphosate causes tumors liver and any damage and rats within a week a smear campaign was mounted by the biotechnology industry with scientists primarily plant biologists and not toxicologists and they basically forced this study to be extracted from some of these journals so here the study comes out saying that GMO is bad and then it instantly was retracted not because they didn't find a cancer link but their reasoning was it was inconclusive because the type of rats used were prone to tumors so now here's the thing if they can do that you know that how they're so powerful they are so powerful so um I mean you can this is totally political so the point is that you know the GMO food is pretty bad if you look at from 1990 to 2012 you can see how many millions of pounds of glyphosate is being put or GMO plants are being created and you can see corns going up soybeans is going up wheat actually some of the wheat is genetically modified cotton uh certain vegetables and fruit rice grapes alfalfa pasture and hay other crops oh my gosh it's just kind of going up it's just crazy so what happens is these chemicals GMO foods herbicides they can mimic hormones and they go into your glands that die right the ovary and it can go into the breasts the uterus and cause cancer so if you take a look at like they always say that disease is so mysterious and it no one knows what causes this take a look at any of the toxicology books they will list all the diseases and tell you what pesticide or chemical causes this illness or this cancer and they don't really like you said Leslie they they do not connect the dots they don't Connect toxicology with cancer and natural things everything is like their own Island and so it's very obvious to me that all these things that are related to the toxins and we we don't actually we're not making the connection there of course we have psychiatrists like Stephen Barret without beret whatever his name is pushing out there that oh no that's fine just keep eating the stuff I was a released a video I was on sports talk live and I had a dietitian and her husband was an MD get on the air and give me a hard time about the whole water meth so you can watch it on my website but um it was ridiculous there's like oh yeah the tap water's fine it has minerals to keep drinking it everyone's dehydrated I'm like yeah okay alright so you just see the next slag here okay be the hormones like estrogen from the environment and all these endocrine disrupters act like estrogen in the environment they actually block the thyroid function so endocrine disrupters basically are chemicals that mimic estrogen and that's why females it way way too many cancers in the in the areas that they have receptors for estrogen which are breast uterus and even the thyroid african-american women have a lot more receptors for estrogen which gives them a different shape and that's one of the reasons why even African American women are getting more cancers than other cultures because of the estrogen so you really need to increase your cruciferous make sure you do consume things that are you know make sure they're organic hormone-free because it's going to create a problem sooner or later so I just wanted to put this slide up I had it created you can see if you go down the grocery store you see these incredible I delicious cookies and doughnuts and breads it's all the same ingredients I purchased corn syrup hydrogenated oils chemicals high-fructose corn syrup artificial flavoring it's all the same thing pretty sad so phytonutrients those are plant-based chemicals that have all these really amazing properties and all these different plant chemicals that do many things like even vitamin A for example vitamin A is not a single vitamin it's a whole bunch of complexes like there's over 600 parts of vitamin A so if you take a synthetic vitamin A you are not even getting close to what you should get that's what I'm very much against synthetics so cruciferous vegetables help protect the cells from DNA damage they help inactivate carcinogens they're antiviral antibacterial anti-inflammatory I mean they create all these wonderful benefits now I'm going to check check the questions here what do you think of wild yam well if you um have a problem with hot flashes with menopause I think that would be something you should take because that will it's a natural source of it's called phyto estrogens which are actually will help you there's some other ones to call the clover leaf that's actually very good as well um let's see okay how much difference will it take to take a cruciferous supplement um here's the thing it's always best to consume the food but it is hard to get that so what I'm going to show you is a the cruciferous product that a lot of you are already taking right now and of course you probably have not been taking because I've been out of it since March but I wanted to explain kind of a combination of ingredients that I'm not even I'm just but I'm not even showing this image here okay so you can see right here there's a product that I I created it's called the Creuset organic cruciferous food and it has organic beetroot Brussels sprouts collard green organic asparagus organic kale organic parsley and parsley is probably even has more vitamin of vitamins and kale and then we have organic red radish cabbage garlic and tamarick so those are all the things that I personally think are the the superfoods and I put them in in one combination was 250 tablets in this and this is something that is convenient if you don't have all the different variety of nutrients because it is hard to get all these nutrients so like it has all these these products in there has seek help because some people we go because oh my gosh is there's cruciferous it's going to cause a deficiency of iodine for my thyroid I'm gonna get a quarter no you're not I put the sea kelp in there so it's a really awesome product and and in these webinars I always get people at discount if you wanted to get some cruciferous um the bottle is 250 capsules and here's I have some good news and some bad news what do you want to hear at first the bad news or the good news let me see what you guys say there's a delay in this thing okay Leslie us you want the good news or the bad news um bad news look at good news okay good the good news is that I'm giving you a discount on this product $10 off and here's the coupon code and here's the link and the good news is that it's fun it's almost in News is not in yet it's in tomorrow morning's coming tomorrow morning so but the good news it's almost in and I've had people wait since March for this product because because here's the problem I ran into um it is almost impossible to find a local farmer or something United States that has the soils that I want to get these products unless you go to China or you go to some other country I don't I don't do that so it's taken us forever and so what will happen this is March March March April May June July August is it August or September September ok that's seven months I haven't had this product I'm getting it tomorrow morning it's coming tomorrow morning Percy so what happened is I would get it would have like one ingredient tested would be it would have too much lead in it and like I can't do that and next one I have like too much I don't know another mineral that we don't want in there that's toxic or something like that so we had the thoroughly test every single ingredient and make sure that it's all really really high quality from the exact farms that I wanted it from so it's finally done so the good news it's almost here the bad news is not quite here and so um there's some more bad news which I'm going to tell you right now the other bad news is that um the cost of this product went up severely so I have to increase it a little bit more so that going to be five dollars more but the good news is if you wanted to get the product at the lowest fee you can actually buy as many of these as you want with on this on this webinar so that's the good news so you don't have to pay the big raphy if you don't want so you can get some reserve if you want the only catch-22 is that I only want you to order this tomorrow morning not tonight because I do not want to sell you is product unless I am 100 percent sure it's available yeah even though I'm tracking I'm tracking the guy who's like pulling up in my offices I know what state he's in he's going to be showing it tomorrow but until it shows up I'm not going to take I'm not going to take the block off my website so no there was no one can really buy it until I actually have it in hand so if you wanted to check in early the morning in an infant actually everything works then it's in if it doesn't work then you know it's not in yet so I just want to let you know that I've been really behind the scenes trying to get this thing out for a long time so so the good news is I'll have it in tomorrow is a 99.99% chance and the bad news is it's a little bit more expensive but the good news is you don't have to pay that because I'm giving you a discount so anyway this is a good product to take for your liver it's the best anti-aging because it fortifies the inside of the body and it also protects against a lot of different types of conditions that people are at risk just from the pollution in the environment so so now what I want to do is I want to give you a link and a code coupon code you can just highlight that coupon code and just yeah just save it for tomorrow and you can go to my website and get a discount you get as many as you want I I will be increasing lean the prices already increase but if you use that discount which is going to be good for the next three days I know it says the offer ends in one hour but that's not true because I don't even have the product in so no worries on that okay now if you are watching this as a webinar replay just realize I already have it in okay because I'll have it in by tomorrow for sure um someone says can I piggyback on auto-ship order with my wheatgrass juice yes I think you could do that but you may want to call my office with that how long is to keep an offer for the next three days how long is the shelf-life the shelf-life is is good for a year but I think it's actually longer than that but we we tell people a year at the because we're being very conservative mm-hmm someone says don't go to commercial I'm not I'm not going to commercial don't worry I'm just good people asking me I'm giving them a discount um can you provide the price of the hoaxers food yeah the price was thirty thirty 4.95 now it's 39.95 but there's two hundred and fifty capsules in there um but the problem is that the the price trying to get these ingredients is off the charts even if you go look for a cruciferous product it's hard to find um all these cruciferous and you may find them like in like broccoli or something like that but it's only like 90 pills and it's probably it's going to be the same it's like thirty dollars it's the same thing so it's it is a good a good program with with the quantity that you're getting into quality as well if you shift candidate yes do they lose any vitamins when they are processed um well you're not going to lose that much with the processing but if you keep them in the heat they keep it open you may even want to keep in the fridge to have them last a lot longer what is the dosage how many pills per day it depends if you want to make maintenance dose I would take three but if you want to correct something you want to take six personally this is just my own opinion if I had cancer I would take 15 a day Wow I've had a lot of people that just take them for weight loss but that's just because it improves the the the fat release on the liver and it allows the liver to function better which is really connected to actually a thyroid being working better but so it doesn't actually burn fat by itself um what if you have a thyroid problem well we have seek help in there so you have the I then that's not going to be a problem is it safe to take if you're pregnant absolutely because there's there's nothing else but those ingredients can I give it to my toddler depends if he's like 1 or older just give them maybe one a day but of course if it's a baby you're not going to give him that unless he can swallow capsules yeah so so anyway I covered a lot of data a lot of information I'm going to send everyone a link to all these slides because I have a lot of references that you can see and I will send it out probably a little bit later on probably in the middle of a night you'll go go to you and that way you can see the webinar I mean all the slides and I'll send you the webinar replay too if you want that but I want you to apply some of the information that I shared tonight and I want to thank Leslie for being onto sharing her story of the wonderful example of trying to get some help of treating one person at our once condition and time so thank thank you very much next Tuesday we're going to do another seminar and this one's going to be on energy and it's going to be really awesome I'm going to cover the topic on insulin very heavily you need to what you need to see that if you have any insulin problems and even eat if you don't if you if you are fatigued you need to come to this webinar as well um so I'll show you some techniques as well I'm going to show you an acupressure technique that will literally increase your energy yeah so I'm demonstrate it right in my office right here and then you could do it on your friends and family just don't mention my name now I'm fine you can you can do that so I want to thank you guys for showing up tonight I and I will see you next and the next webinar so I'll send you a link on that too and I will have someone reply to a lot of your questions because some people are having specific questions about this and that so I'll try to answer those or go to my blog but I want to say thank you and have a great evening thanks Lesley we'll see you next time thank you you're welcome

#anti aging cream #anti aging