#don’t you love with madness when Simon is soft with Baz

[letraspal]

Read

🦭 Read chapter 5 of “A gift from the propheseals” by @skeedelvee on AO3 🦭

Baz is home and healing, and needs some reassurance that this is all real.

#this is actually the first epilogue #we’re almost done #bro 😭😭😭 #don’t you love with madness when Simon is soft with Baz #I do #I do like a lot #simon snow #snowbaz #baz pitch #fanart #letraspal #carry on fanart #carry on #illustration #skeedelvee #a gift from the propheseals #🦭

[artsyunderstudy]

Good Sunday, dear friends.

Thanks for the tags @ivelovedhimthroughworse @confused-bi-queer @moodandmist @martsonmars @sailorblossoms @bookish-bogwitch @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @hushed-chorus

I’ve been sprinting like mad to finish We Still Bloom (hanahaki ws/awtwb AU for @carryonprompts).  It’s uh, sad.  And kinda making me sad.  To write.  BUT!  I’m nearing the end, which means its going to get better, right?!  Happy ending?? (Yes, of course.)

At least Shepard is there, to be inappropriately optimistic.

There are literally so many words, and quite a few passages that’d be good to share.  So it was hard picking.  You can have ... two.  One that’s bittersweet.  (I’ll leave all the really sad shit for you to read in the actual fic.)  The other one is just Shephard.  Cutting the tension.

Baz POV

Simon makes a soft sound, like a whimper and then a sigh.  He nuzzles into my chest.  It makes me ache.  I ache fucking everywhere.  

There’s an itch, too.  Familiar now.  A tightness in my lungs.  It’s like the white noise of the car, ever present and alarmingly easy to get used to. At least until it spills over.  I’ll have to deal with it, whatever it is, eventually.  When we’re home.  When there’s time.  

When is there ever time?

I feel a warm, delicate pressure against my stomach.  Looking down, I see Simon’s hand rubbing over the thin fabric of my shirt.  I exhale sharply, squeezing my eyes shut.  Its overwhelming, and I’m not even sure he’s doing it on purpose. This is the thing that makes my eyes burn.  The thing that makes everything want to spill over.  This touch.  

After a moment he fists his hand in the fabric and goes still.  I comb my fingers along the back of his head, pressing my nose into his curls.

“Baz …” he says, so soft I barely catch it.

“I’m here, love.”

The Shephard stuffs! Simon POV.

“Don’t suppose you’ve heard of a magickal illness that makes people cough up flower petals, have you?”  Penny asks, turning to face Shephard.  He’s got one hand rested on her shoulder, his thumb rubbing up and down.

“Afraid not,” he says.  “Sounds like fairy magick, though.  Did Baz piss off any fairies that you know of?”

“Where would he even find a fairy?” Penny asks sharply.

“I found a fairy.”

“Well, you go looking for trouble, don’t you.”  She rolls her eyes, acting annoyed.  “Can’t seem to help yourself.”

“No argument there,” he teases, nudging her shoulder.  She nudges back.

“Guys,” I say, “I’m just—I’m sort of freaking out here.”

ALRIGHT this has gone on long enough.  Tags below the cut!!

@forabeatofadrum @johnwgrey @takitalks @bazzybelle  @ileadacharmedlife @aristocratic-otter  @urban-sith @facewithoutheart @basiltonbutliketheherb @letraspal  @tea-brigade @stardustasincocaine @palimpsessed @cutestkilla @whatevertheweather  @nightimedreamersworld  @orange-peony  @carryonsimoncarryonbaz  @ionlydrinkhotwater @raenestee @fatalfangirl @captain-aralias @erzbethluna @stitchyqueer @larkral @bookish-bogwitch@whogaveyoupermission @you-remind-me-of-the-babe  @chen-chen-chen-again-chen

#six sentence sunday #snowbaz #simon snow #baz pitch #artsyfic

[facewithoutheart]

Thanks for the tags @martsonmars, @takitalks, @bookish-bogwitch & @confused-bi-queer you know I’m 👀 at your WIPs… like: GIMME.

I’ve got two Simon POVs today. First up: more COBB & more drunk Baz (shout out to @sillyunicorn for letting me use her lyrics in this).

Baz slings an arm over my shoulders, throws his head back and scream-sings, “I’m a monster fucker, babyyyy!”

“Of course you know the words,” I mutter.

“It’s my favourite,” he nods. “And I don’t mind sayin’!”

I shift to get a better grip on him. “Ok, you’ve proved your point. Maybe now you can prove it quieter? Just until we get in the limo.”

He pouts, then adds in a whisper, “I got tattoos on my arms from when I summoned a demon.”

“Lovely.”

“I don’t have any tattoos.” Impossibly, he manages to lean on me harder, his head falling into the crook of my neck. (His hair’s so soft.) “Does that make me square, Simon? That I don’t have any tattoos? Should I get one?”

“Not tonight.”

Also finally named my huddling for warmth @co-wipadoption I’m writing from @captain-aralias’s WIP. Please enjoy this cover image:

NSFW snippet & tags below the cut.

He shifts and I nearly ignite.

“Mmm,” he groans, grinding against me, and I can feel the hard line of his cock between my cheeks.

“Baz,” I whimper, part in response to his movement and part as a warning.

“Simon,” he moans.

Well, at least that settles my fear that he’s dreaming about Agatha.

Only now my brain short-circuits for another reason. Baz is hard, Baz is hard for me, Baz is – oh Merlin – humping me. I’m tenting my own trousers, which is a revelation I’m going to deal with later because right now I need Baz to wake the fuck up and stop driving me to madness with his unconscious movements.

I elbow him in the side. “Get up.”

It’s a testament to my level of distress that I don’t laugh at the irony.

Good news: posting for @co-wipadoption is SOON! So some goodness to look forward too ❤️

Tags and/or hugs to: @sillyunicorn @mostlymaudlin @urban-sith @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @fatalfangirl @whatevertheweather @shemakesmeforget @stardustasincocaine @captain-aralias @forabeatofadrum @aristocratic-otter @moodandmist @johnwgrey @jbrrring @excalisbury @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @palimpsessed @tea-brigade @cutestkilla @creepyspice @ivelovedhimthroughworse @mrskrementz @bazzybelle @gekkoinapeartree @dragoneggo @letraspal @im-gettingby

#wip wednesday #snowbaz #fanfic #Cobb teasers #WIP adoption #spicy

[starwarned]

@carryon-countdown 2021

Day 28, 22 December: Prophecy

rated T, 881 words, general tags: banter in the green apple sheets, simon being mad at baz for being good at things, singing

Finish reading under the cut!

SIMON

I’m tucked into Baz’s arms. He’s holding me because I asked him to — I’ve been feeling off all week and the only thing I could think of that would make me feel better was being held while eating a sandwich.

(It’s just as awesome as I thought it would be.)

I’m leaned up against Baz’s chest with my head sort of propped under his chin. We fit nicely this way because he’s taller (bastard) and my wings aren’t in the way, just draped over the side of the bed behind me and dragging on the floor.

I’m probably getting crumbs from my sandwich in his sexy chest hair (bastard), but Baz doesn’t seem to really mind. He’s just slowly running his fingers through my hair, teasing apart the curls and working out any knots he encounters.

Just as I’m finishing up my sandwich, Baz tugs at my hair a bit, getting me to groan and shift to look up at him.

“What?”

He grins. “Did you ever hear that song they used to sing about you?” he asks.

I can’t tell if he’s taking the piss or not. “What?” I repeat dumbly.

“Before Watford,” Baz continues. “Should I sing it for you?”

“Is it worth hearing your horrid singing voice?” I tease. (He’s got a nice voice and he knows it. Fucking bastard.)

Baz jabs his fingers into my side and I burst into giggles, trying to push him off me. “Oi! Fuck off! I’m sorry!”

He pulls his fingers away from my side only to shove them under my t-shirt, gliding them against the soft skin of my stomach. “Then shut it and listen.” He reaches for his wand on the bedside table and raises to use as a conductor’s baton as he starts to sing.

“Comes, he comes, the Mage’s Heir,

With blade of fire and golden hair,

And should evil meet him there—”

I cut him off. “No way they sang that!” I insist. “I would’ve heard it!”

Baz rolls his eyebrows and pinches my stomach, making me jump a bit. “Do you want to hear the rest or not?”

Even though I’m certain he's just made all this up and is doing it to humiliate me, I do want to hear the rest. “Fine,” I mutter, wiggling to settle closer to his chest. I watch his hand as it waves his wand around to the beat of the song.

“The blood will flow, the world will know,

Our just and handsome,

Blue-eyed, winsome,

Lovely, blushing Mage’s Heir.”

He stops, his voice wavering on the last note like he’s not sure whether to hold it out for a big finish or to let it lie.

I raise my eyebrows at him. “No way they sang that,” I mutter. “Especially that last part.”

Baz smiles at me. His fangs are out. I don’t know when they popped, but I guess I don’t really care. Sometimes he just lets them out — says it relieves pressure in his mouth. “Alright,” he concedes. “Maybe they didn’t.”

“Did you make the whole thing up?” I ask, leaning up to kiss his jaw, my neck twisted around at an awkward angle.

He shrugs. “Wouldn’t you like to know, my handsome and winsome heir.”

I’m blushing now. Lovely, blushing Mage’s Heir. It sort of jabs me in the sternum to be referred to as the Mage’s Heir, but it’s been years since he died and I spent his money on this flat where I’ve had sex with my vampire boyfriend on every surface, so I’m mostly over it.

“You’re a prick,” I mutter. I slide one arm underneath his back and hug his chest tightly, hitching a leg up over his thigh.

Baz kisses my head. “Am I the evil that met you there?” he asks. I can’t turn my head to look at him so I have only his tone of voice to go off of. He sounds… nostalgic.

“Blood did flow,” I muse. “But you’re not evil — and it wasn’t your blood that flowed.”

“That’s because I’m a vampire—”

“The song didn’t know that, did it?” I tease. “And I guess the world knew?” I continue, referencing the song again.

Baz laughs. “They don’t know nearly enough. They don’t know that you’re here. With me.”

“Well,” I start, smiling against his chest and tracing my fingers along his side softly. “I’m glad they don’t. I want you to myself.”

He doesn’t say anything else and tucks his jaw against my head.

Before we’ve both fallen asleep, he squeezes me close. “I made it all up,” he whispers. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not true. Handsome—”

He kisses my head.

“Winsome—”

He kisses me again.

“Lovely—”

Kiss.

“Blushing—”

His free hand pinches my cheek as he kisses my hair again. I blush.

I don’t want him to finish it, so I twist out of his grasp and push my mouth against his.

Being the Mage’s Heir wasn’t ever what I wanted. All I wanted was to belong, to be wanted by someone. I thought that someone was the Mage. But now I know it’s Baz — despite everything, despite my prophesied future, despite my destiny to destroy my vampire roommate in a battle worthy of actual songs written about me, Baz is that someone.

#the song in this was written into a special edition of fangirl and i wanted to repurpose it! #so i DID #this kind of has no consistency but eh whatever i wrote it and i'm going to bed now LOL #i just like it when simon blushes #also i know this has like Next to Nothing to do with baz's fangs/vampirism/biting which was my whole THING for coc this year #but its FINE #apparently like 3 references is enough for me LMAO #fic #my fic #coc #coc 2021 #carry on countdown #lauren's coc works #writing #my writing #carry on #simon snow #simon snow series #baz pitch #snowbaz #carry on countdown day 28 #coc day 28

[heeytwelve]

“Are you saying my name?”

[SPOILERS ALERT]

There is special place for names in  “Carry On” book by @rainbowrowell​, and  a lot of important magic moments around the names starting from silly middle names and ending in name excluding from books as a way to make person disappear. But today I want to talk about boys names and ways they express their feelings through use of each other’s names.

“Baz,” he says, and it’s not unprecedented for him to say my name, but I know he avoids it.”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” 

Ok, that moment really interesting to me. So Baz is mentions that Simon is avoiding using his name. Well, not really? Never have we ever encountered Simon calling him Pitch (which would be logical? They are enemies? Or maybe Simon thought it’s aristocratic name and sounds more compliment than insult?) or Tyrannus. Only once he uses his long name in message to Mage and it’s sorta cute and attentive.

“And then I add: “(T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch.)”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.”

He’s not calling him like that when he _talks_ to Mage though. And Simon uses his FULL name when he looking for Baz. Though, it said that it’s only to make spell irresistible, it also shows how desperate Simon to find him. And how he remembers his long ass name by heart.

I mean, Simon definitely not avoiding Baz name, if anything, he actually enjoying saying it. And he does say it. Like, a lot. He says his name fucking THREE times in a couple of sentences, when he finally sees him in his last year.

“Baz. I stand up too quickly, knocking my chair over. Across the room, a mug falls to the floor and shatters—I glance over and see that Agatha is standing, too. Baz steps towards us. Baz.”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” Baz, though - yes, he is particularly un-easy about saying “Simon” (which what Agatha and Penelope have no problem with, or you know Gareth and everyone else), for Baz - “Simon” is almost shamefully erotic thing to say. Even in his thoughts BEFORE fighting with dragon episode he calls him “Simon Snow”, always these two names together, so Simon sounds like more than superhero than a person. Or he uses “Snow” when he talks about him in disgusted/sarcastic/somehow negative way. You would expect Simon talk the same way in his most negative thought about Baz, like call him Pitch, or insult him, but no. 

“I’ll kill Baz, so that he isn’t an option.” ...

He tilts his head and shrugs again. “Why wouldn’t she?” “Fuck you, Baz. Seriously.

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” 

Not in negative thoughts, not in open heated confrontations. Always - Baz, never -  Pitch (which for instance Mage calls him plenty). Back to Baz. So he won’t say “Simon” until that dragon fight.

...when I hear Baz calling my name. I look up and see him running along the ramparts. ... “Simon,” he’s shouting, “don’t hurt it!”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.”

I suspect Simon either doesn’t register that it (might be) either first time or very RARE occasion, but he’s too busy admiring the view :D But really, Baz saying his name publicly, out-loud, after he even didn’t allow himself to think this name (really, it’s first time we see Baz saying his name like that in the whole book!) - it is quite a biggie. And it shows that helping Simon was not about truce or dragon. It was response to Simon trying to comfort him. It was - “you’ve put our relationships in whole another level and I accept it” or at least “you’ve cared about me and I’ve been an arse and I regret it. I want more of that caring”.

Then, after this episode he will just slowly start to use “Simon” here and there. Even during confrontations.

“Yes,” I say. “What if I took your magic, cast it against you, and settled Baz versus Simon, once and for all. 

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.”

Like, how cosy he said that!  Baz versus Simon. Not Pitch versus (I dunno) Chosen One. Or at least Simon Snow. He even starts using his name in thoughts! 

“Simon grabs my other hand, and my chest opens wider. “Merlin and Morgana,” he says. “Are we in space?”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” What is funny with all of this, that Simon actually doesn’t pay attention to this! He only notices it when Baz literally throws it in his face.

“He’s just here to visit, Mother. We have a project we’re working on together—a school project. And you don’t have to call him that. You can just call him Simon.” “You don’t call me Simon,” I mumble. “We’ll be up in my room,” Baz says, ignoring me.

”Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” Apple Books.  Uh-uh, Simon finally notices and he hits soft spot and Baz has ignoring as coping mechanism when he stressed :) Simon won’t let it go after that and THATS one of the best jokes in this book, joking around Baz and how sacred Simon’s name for him, so he can’t even use it as much as he can, it’s too intense. I like this scene where Simon actually demands that Baz calls him Simon. 

“I’ve been thinking,” I say, “if we’re going to do this, you have to start calling me by my name. “You have to call me Simon,” I say. “You’ve called me that before.” “Fine,” Baz says. “Get in the car, Simon. (next interaction) “Shut up, Snow.”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” 

LIke - he’s been thinking. Long time. This is the only thing he planned (he’ve been thinking) to do in whole vampire finding/catching operation. Like, look how badly he want Baz call him by his name. And this discussion happend right after he thought about how Baz dating. He touched him to start this conversation. And again - whole thing too intense for Baz so he brings all of his defence mechanisms in - insulting and ignoring. Yep. Baz mad about Simons name.It is very special for him. Sacred. Erotic. Almost humiliating to say. It is love confession and not less.

But! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Baz name is less important for Simon to say. It is just different way of admiration. I would say it is like extravert/introvert way to express feelings. Like “I will eat this dessert as much as I can before I die from it. I’m going to inhale it. I’m going to be obsessed with it” versus “This dessert is SO precious to me, I will eat it only in a VERY special occasions. I will never ruin it or make it mundane, I never get bored with it”. They are both obsessed with each other names. They are both in love with them. They just different people and they express it differently. And that is also why Simon is so intense about Baz using his name. It’s almost like “I’m obsessed with you. I want you to be in love with me too. Please say my name. Because that’s how I express my feelings and I think that’s how it is". Being all delicate about over-using the name or being too vulnerable and too scared to use it - just not the thing Simon gets, it might actually feels rather cold shoulder for him.

Honestly though. I love how author showed us with this little thing as “name saying”, how different they are.

Aaand end this TED talk with one of my favourite (re-occurring) quotes. (which became sorta the way of flirting between these two)   “You’re an idiot, Snow.”   “You called me Simon before.”   “No, I didn’t.” Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” 

#snowbaz #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #simon snow #carry on simon #carry on quotes #rainbow rowell #simon snow meta #carry on meta #baz pitch meta

[spiltscribbles]

I Crave You And That is All

Notes: A reblog is worth a thousand stars 

.-

Sometimes I just look at Baz— At his gray eyes that go molten in the light and his ridiculous cheekbones that could literally cut right through glass and the precise shape to his cupids bow lips that I always want to kiss— and I can hardly believe that we’re actually  together, an item— that against all odds we’ve somehow stumbled into something like love. Something that makes my chest contract, and my stomach tumble itself into knots, and sometimes when Baz touches me— always so tenderly— it feels like their’s a thrill prickling up my spine, magic revived within me once more.

For instance, it feels that way right now, but just a thousand times more maddening.

Penelope’s spending the night at her parents place over the sprint holiday, bidding farewell by crowing a pointed, “Please let loose of the sexual tension before it suffocates us all,” to us, which makes it so Baz’s face goes utterly scarlet, and I can’t help but  sputter an indignant “Hop off!” before tossing her the bird. Penelope had only cast us one last smirk, always so very smug. But whatever, that doesn’t matter.

What does matter is that the moment the front door slammed shut, Baz and I scrambled towards one another like clashing tornados, hips rocking against hips in a frankly obscene motion, and  swapping kisses  with such fucking ferociousness  that I’m positively  sure there’ll be bruising around each of our  lips tomorrow, but I don’t care, just as long as I can finally tug off Baz’s shirt, and run greedy hands up and down his hard torso, and breathe him in deep, He always smells like sandalwood and blossoming fields and something indescribably incandescent, something distinctly his own.

“Crowley, I’ve missed you,” Baz chokes out between a gasp when I begin to nip at the hinge of his unfairly sharp jaw, the way that always gets him writhing.  I wouldn’t admit this in the light of day, but  my heart does a ridiculous swooping motion when I hear that, pressing Baz even closer like its all I have to give.

We’ve seen one another nearly every day since all of it— Since the Humdrum, and the Mage. After I became a fucking normal, no matter what Baz or Penny try to say otherwise. But I understand what Baz means with the feeling of having missed me, we’re always around a damn crowd of people, or Baz has to make it back to Watford before curfew, or what the fuck ever. It’s been too long— nearly a month— since I’ve been able to just hold him like this, to see that particular flush run down Baz’s chiseled features. Since I got to knot a hand in Baz’s thick mop of hair. Since I got to suck Baz’s plump bottom lip into my mouth and fucking bite, ears ringing with the splendid sound of Baz’s moan that comes out right then.

“It’s been so damn long.”

.-

We’re lying naked on the bed now, the tip of Baz’s finger tracing random designs against my bare skin, intermittently cut off by him peppering kisses along my freckles or moles.

“You are really good at that,” I tell him, breathless as I flip around so that we’re face to face again, so I can see the way Baz’s hair spills on the sheets with abandon, and the beautiful contrast of the bruises I left on his hips while I was pounding into him against his sides,  and how his eyes gaze at me with such raw wanting that it makes it so my insides sing with glee.

“You said that already Snow,” Baz goads with heavy breaths. Truthfully, I   wish he hadn’t called me by my surname, I much  rather hear the soft lilt to his voice curling around Simon instead, is thrilled on those nights when Baz really sheds himself of all the walls I know I  had a part in building up in the first place. The nights when Baz curves against me so gingerly, nights when he says that he loves me in such hushed breaths that skirt against my skin, ones  punctured with kisses against my collar bone. The nights when he calls me love, or even once darling when I had actually  had made him laugh with such mirth that the blue in Baz’s gray eyes shone so brightly that it punched the breath right out of me.

“Don’t be a prick Pitch,” I bristle, leaning  into the familiarity of it— of our bickering and banter, even it’s so much more now— when Baz’s my entire world.   

Lazily, I tug on a lock of his impossibly soft hair. For fuck’s sake not even Agatha’s was quite as silky. 

Baz’s smile goes diffident, as much of an apology as he’ll ever offer and as much as I  will ever except.

“You’re beautiful,” he tells me instead, cups a hand around my cheek and kisses my lips with such  aching gentleness.

We stay like that for a while, with me lying naked atop him  and the both of us forever yearning for the other. But inevitably we have to pull apart for air, and of course Baz has to ruin the moment by joking about me using too much spit.

“I can’t believe my boyfriend’s such a damn tosser,” I pout moodily, collapsing besides him with my arms crossed against my chest, and I only feel better when I hear the dulcet sound of Baz’s laughter pouring out his lips when he throws his dark head back, humor painting him in brilliant lights.

“’s only a joke Snow, I rather like your primitive fashion,” Baz goads, snuggling closer to me and pressing a kiss to my cheek in penance.

“Oy, why don’t you make me a pot of tea then,” I snark moodily at a Baz who   is still positively beaming. Can’t help but laugh at my grimace.

“’S one in the morning.”

“I’m thirsty,” I pout.

“Then make your own bloody tea,” Baz huffs, rolling his eyes heavenwards but never really meaning it.  He still  never stops touching me, like he can’t get enough of it, like somehow this was Baz’s dream come true instead of the other way around— you know, super repressed dreams that I would’ve never admitted in the light of day.

“What can I say lover,” I preen, pecking the corner of his mouth knowing  full and well  that it makes Baz melt just slightly. “You wore me out.”

“You’re such a prick,” Baz retorts, lips curled and cheeks infused red.

“But?” I press with a cocked brow.

“But nothing Snow, you are a prick.” Baz charges.  I don’t say anything, only leer after  him, watching as the delectable sight of Baz’s naked form gets up, headed to the kitchen.

For the record, I definitely do not wince when Baz throws a spare pillow at my head. “Not a fucking show Snow.”

“I reckon I’ve got some spare notes if you felt unappreciated,” I call out in response, totally gleeful.

The glare Baz threw my way was downright menacing, but also very very hot. It’s unfair how he could pull that off, truly.

.-

I’m not sure when exactly I start to doze off, all that I notice is Baz— as quiet and graceful as ever— stealthily slipping back into the room some time later, setting the tea to the side and carding a ginger hand through my bronze curls. He’s so quiet about it, but I think I’ll always just be attuned to him, going alert whenever he so much even looks at me. Once I had  thunk it a survival technique, but now I know full and well how desperate I had been just to get Baz to look at me, to spare me some of his attention just for that infinitesimal moment of the day.

“Good night Habibi,” Baz tells me, just above a whisper, before pecking a barely there kiss to my forehead.

A feeling I can’t quite parse out— something splendid, something so warm and lovely— coils deep in my gut. 

Of course I  recognize the word, Habibi, an Arabic pet name that Natasha had constantly crooned to a pampered Baz, doting and delighted, when he was only a child— before all the madness that altered his world so completely.

I know without Baz ever having to say as much  that Baz only speaks the language on his especially bright days, usually sticks to incantations in English or French or Latin or Greek— I know that the Arabic reminds him too much of what he had, of what he lost. But occasionally, these small words would pour from his lips without his seeming to even realize it, and only ever when in regards to me. It’s something so fragile, so precious, that I never dare to  put any lyrics to it, just let it happen and try to show Baz how much it means to me in the silence that follows.

When Baz crawls back into bed with me, I do just that, cuddling closer and wrapping a protective arm around his torso and  kissing the sole dimple on his left shoulder. Baz relaxes into the embrace, and everything feels miraculous.

#SNOWBAZ #simon snow #BAZ PITCH #CARRY ON #SPILT INK #this is the first thing I've published in first person narration since the seventh grade #i am convinced its awful and am terrified #also yes its a twist on something else i've published for them yes #lol

[caitybug]

KiSseS iN tHe RAin😭🥺💖💖💖

Kisses in the Rain!!

(Tagging @ninemagicks too bc she asked for this. Beanz, I’m still doing your prompt but I have a twist I think I’m gonna do pls let me know if that’s alright.)

Baz, Penny, and I are sitting in the living room watching a movie.  

It has to do something with Cinderella. She said it is called A Cinderella Story, but I’ve yet to hear anything about princesses. Just a girl who works at a diner trying to get into Princeton. 

Baz and I are on the sofa, watching as the main character (Sam) is at her high school football game. 

“Do you think this is what American high school is like?” I whisper up to Baz. 

It’s been fairly dramatic. There was a big scene just moments previous where Sam had walked to the quarterback (love interest) and told him off.

“Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought; useless and disappointing,” she told him.

I couldn’t imagine walking into a dressing room like that. Let alone to tell someone off.

(Although, I’m sure I would have followed Baz into his if I felt it necessary. Almost did once fifth year. Penny grabbed me by my collar and pulled me back.)

Penny turns and shushes us.

Baz frowns at her and then leans down to whisper in my ear.

“I wouldn’t know, I was too busy defending dragons from the local atomic bomb.”

He laughs, but I pinch his thigh. 

After a moment of teasing, Penny tells us to pay attention. 

The quarterback (why do Americans call this football? I’ve watched. It’s mainly played with your hands.) passes his helmet off to another player, seemingly giving up the whole match. It’s the final play (whatever that is) before the game is over, so everyone is up in arms. He doesn’t seem to be, however. The quarterback (I know they’ve said his name, I truly cannot remember what it is though.) looks more sure than I have seen him the entire movie. He pushes past various people and up to the girl (Sam.) 

A rumble of thunder distracts me for a moment.

But when I turn back I see them kissing. 

A drop of rain hits his cheek. 

“Look, the drought has ended!” Penny says, turning to us. 

We both hold a thumbs up in response. 

Kissing in the rain seems to be a common theme in these movies. 

There’s a swell of music, a declaration, a kiss. 

I look at the window, the way rain is hitting it, and think of an idea.

Baz and I haven’t kissed in the rain before.

And I think…

I think I have a declaration I could make. 

I go through the list in my head, seeing if this is something we’ve done before.

Surrounded by flames. There were bits of ash and smoke, but no rain. 

In this flat. (Many times, more than I could count. The closest I could say we came was the time when he kissed me while I was doing the dishes. I splashed a bit in his face and he dumped a handful on mine.)

In America. It was fairly dry then, however (surprisingly.) (I wonder if it rains much in America. It seemed like we only had sun and desert.) 

There are more, of course. But, none in the rain. 

The movie fades into credits and Penny yawns, declaring it to be bedtime. 

I look up to Baz.

“I have an idea,” I say, jumping off the couch. 

My wing almost clips Penny in the face.

“Sorry, Pen,” I say, making sure she is alright.

“It’s alright, just don’t do anything stupid.”

She looks straight at me knowingly before walking off. 

“Spell my wings hidden,” I demand when she turns the corner.

“What? Why?” Baz asks, standing up.

“Well, my plan involves us going out those doors, so either you spell them or you’ll be the one explaining to people how a half-dragon, half-boy seems to exist.”

He crosses his arms across his chest, before deciding to give in. 

“Fine, but please make it quick, I’ve got plans of my own,” he states, quickly after muttering a Nothing to See Here. 

I blush for a moment, but then the groan escapes without my meaning it to.

“Baz, you know I hate that spell.”

I grab my trainers, not bothering to put on socks. 

This won’t take long.

(I hope.)

When we have shoes on I grab Baz’s arm and pull him through the door and down the stairs. 

“Are you going to tell me exactly why we are doing this, Snow?”

“You’ll see,” I say, pulling him closer.

We reach the bottom steps and I open the door. 

“Snow, I haven’t got an umbrella,” he says, looking at the rain outside. 

“That’s okay, we don’t need one,” I tell him, taking a step out the door. 

I expect him to follow, but I see him still loitering in the doorway, looking hesitantly at the rain pouring outside. 

“Are you daft? Simon, it’s pouring.” 

It is. I can’t deny it. But that makes it better, right?

My hair is already sicking to my face from getting drenched.

But I don’t care.

Come on Baz.

Do this with me.

“I know but, that’s what always happens in the romantic movies, right?” 

I could swim in the amount of water currently occupying my shoes. 

He frowns again, so I take a step closer to the door and reach out my hand.

“I promise we can take a shower after,” I say quietly. 

“Snow, it’s cold,” he says in reply.

His features are softening. I’m close.

“I’m warm though, I’ll make sure you don’t freeze.”

A moment passes.

My shirt is sticking to my chest.

He sighs and puts his hand in mine, wincing as I guide him outside.

“Only one kiss, Snow,” he says begrudgingly. “Then it’s a steamy shower and a hot cup of tea.”

I nod, pulling him closer, pushing my feet up slightly from the ground.

(Baz tells me not to do this, that it ruins my shoes. Says he can lean down to kiss me instead, but I don’t mind. It’s quite nice.)

I lean in and kiss him softly at first. Water falls from his forehead to my nose.

His lips are cold, but they always are. 

I can warm you back up, Baz. 

He pulls my hips closer, deepening the kiss. My hands move into his hair.

It’s wet but still soft. 

I think about the time we kissed in the forest. Flames surrounding us. I could feel the heat on my cheeks as it inches closer. I felt fearful. Not for me, but for Baz. 

This is different though.

It’s a silly idea on a rainy Wednesday night. We’ve both got work in the morning. But we are young, in love (I pause for a moment to remind him. He smiles and replies back, kissing the tip of my nose before going back to my lips.), and we are happy.

It has to be several minutes that pass as we kiss. The only light nearby comes through the window of the front door to the building.

I hear a car drive slowly by, its tires kicking up a little water as it moves. 

Music softly pours in from an open window from the building across the road.

(I know I’ve no room to talk, but who leaves a window open when it’s raining like this?)

Then I remember.

A declaration.

A question, in this case. 

It’s the sound of thunder that knocks us both apart again.

I look at Baz. He has swollen lips, pink-tinged cheeks, and a lovestruck smile.

I knew this would be a great idea.

“Now come on with you,” he says, taking a step near the door, “we need to get back inside before you get sick.”

“Wait, one more thing,” I say, stopping him. 

He looks like he’d rather not spend another waking second out in the rain, but he does. 

For me.

“Move in with me,” I say.

Better to just get on with it, right?

He freezes, looking me up and down.

“Please.” I finish. As if he were waiting for me to use my manners.

What’s the magic word, Snow? He’d ask with a cheeky grin on his face. 

He steps forward and kisses me.

We stay like that for a moment before I begrudgingly pull away.

“Is that a yes?” I ask, hopefully. 

“Yes,” he responds. “Maybe we could get our own. I'm sure Penny would prefer not to have the two of us living with her.”

I smile, nodding in agreement.

Somehow he took my idea and made it better.

(He always does.)

He takes a step towards the door again, guiding me inside. 

I follow him willingly.

(I always will.)

“Wait, Baz, you’re a mage,” I state as we go up the stairs, dripping water on the wood steps.

“Good of you to notice,” he replies back, turning the doorknob to get into the flat. “What will you say next? That I am incredibly handsome?”

He’s smirking as he holds the door open for us. 

“You could just spell us dry,” I point out, trying to take off my wet shoes. 

“And deprive you of suffering through a plan of mine?”

I look up, confused.

“When you figure out your laces, I’ll see you in the shower, Snow,” he says, placing his shoes near the door, walking to the bathroom.

I pause, open-mouthed, watching as he walks away.

He’s completely soaked and…

Well, I’m not mad about what that’s done to his trousers. 

The door closes behind him and I get to work, quickly taking my shoes off, running (stumbling if we are being truthful) to follow.

#carry on #carry on fanfiction #snowbaz #simon snow #baz pitch #I hope this works for you birdy! #secretly I just used this as an excuse to talk about A Cinderella story #aka the best movie ever made #anyway #Caity does prompts #Caity does fanfiction #snowverylost

[forabeatofadrum]

My rose-coloured boy

Summary: Simon’s asleep. Baz finally has time to look at him.

Notes: This takes place somewhere before Wayward Son. It’s clear that somewhere between the books, Simon started shutting down, so I imagine this is, like, a month after Simon started avoiding him and intimacy. It’s just a little prompt idea that popped into my mind. The title is once again from the song Rose-Colored Boy by Paramore.

AO3

--

Being with Simon Snow is like looking at the sun. That hasn’t changed. I’ve always known that, but I didn’t know what it meant. I thought that Snow was something so wonderful and powerful that looking at it would just fill you with amazement and serenity. Instead, looking at Snow is squinting your eyes because it hurts to look at it as a whole.

He’s still the sun, but he’s the one who’s crashing.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t love him. You cannot not love a star so bright as Snow, even when that star isn’t as amazing as you thought it was. I love him. I’ve loved him through worse. I’ll continue to love him.

I see him lying on the sofa. He’s asleep but the TV is still on in the background. I grab a remote to turn it off.

When he’s asleep, he looks so peaceful. It reminds me of our Watford days. Sometimes he’d come back from a mission with The Mage. He’d be so exhausted and spent, he’d fall asleep the moment his body touched the soft mattress.

I used to watch him like I’m watching him now. I used to fight the urge to reach out and touch him like I am doing now.

I kneel next to the sofa to take a closer look, because I really am that shameless. This has been happening more often. One time, Penny walked in while I was simply admiring Snow and she gave me an amused but sad look. She lives with him. Of course she’s noticed the changes too, but she also doesn’t talk about it. 

I just want to see him. I want to remind myself that he’s real and still here, even though lately he’s been acting like he isn’t here. My hand itches to reach out, to just touch his hand or to brush his curls out of his face. If I were really bold, I’d kiss him on the cheek. 

As expected, dating Snow isn’t the erotic gropefest I always imagined it would be. (Well, it was.) (When everything was still fresh and new and Snow had just moved into this flat, it was.) (Then, it went wrong.) I try to be okay with that. My delusional fifth year fantasies were nothing more than that: fantasies.  

He’s so beautiful and my hand instinctively reaches closer to his. His hand is hanging of the sofa, since he fell asleep in this position. I let my fingertips brush against his and then immediately feel guilty. Snow’s made it pretty clear that he does not want me to be around him. The other day, I grabbed his shoulder to ask him something and I was afraid he was going to burn me at a stake. He apologised afterwards, but it happened. 

One time, I tried making him explain, but he can’t. Strangely enough, I think that’s the only part that I can understand. It’d be hypocritical of me to be mad at Snow for not sharing, since I do the same thing. I’ve never even told him that I love him. I’m pretty certain it’ll scare him off.

It’s always been difficult for us to talk, but in the past few weeks, it’s gotten way worse. I can’t reach him. Merlin, I don’t think Penny can reach him. 

I watch him from afar. I listen to him breathe. I try not to feel guilty about it.

Time passes. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here, just looking at him. Every time I do so, I lose track of time. Can you blame me? 

After a while, Snow slowly starts to move. Before I have the time to get up and move away, he opens his eyes. 

I’m caught in the act.

“Whaaaaa,” he mumbles. He’s only half-awake. 

It’s like I’m frozen in place. I need to get up to save face, but I see the look in Snow’s eyes and I can’t. He’s not awake yet. He still looks so peaceful and content. I know that the moment he fully wakes up, his eyes will go empty again. For now, I am enjoying this small glimpse of a better life.

“Hello, Snow,” I say softly.

His eyes close again.

“What’s going on?” he asks and he yawns. He blinks a couple of times to get the sleep out of his eyes. It’s almost over. Please Merlin and Morgana, let him be sleepy for a little bit longer. Let me have this for a few more seconds.

“You fell asleep,” I answer. 

I can see the exact moment he realises what is going on. He sees me sitting in front of him, closer than before. He tries to back away. He pulls back his hand so that it’s no longer hanging over the sofa, close to mine.

“Oh,” he says coldly. 

Please come back to me, I think desperately. It’s on the tip of my tongue. Please, Simon, please.

Instead, I quickly get up, since his discomfort with me being there is too apparent. I brush off my pants and say: “Well, I’m gonna make some tea. Want some?”

He doesn’t really react. He shrugs and looks away. I walk away to the kitchen. Once I’m certain he doesn’t see me, I let out a sad, long sigh. Back to square one.

#drabble #2021 #snowbaz #carry on #holy fuck I wrote #god i am sad

[magiannaladdmac]

Server Exchange!

Hello! I got @foolofabookwyrm for the server exchange!  I tried to write a few different fanfictions but I couldn’t finish them because I have never written fanfiction before... But if anyone is good at writing adult snowbaz with therapy and expressing feelings through writing feel free to tag in it in this so that Liz can read it lol.

Anyways, I ended up doing a couple of playlists for her fanfictions : “A Public Outing” and the “... Walk Into a Diner”

A Public Outing:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25339822/chapters/61439899

For this playlist I wanted to start very in-the-feels. Sort of hopeless and down-on-yourself vibes. The first song is “Drumset” by Fiona Apple (who is amazing please listen to the entire “Fetch the Bolt Cutters” album)  and then Love is Lame... it is Baz in the beginning. It turns to Simon’s emotional POV with the song These Days by Nico which is, to me, the ultimate depression song. I have never found one to be more accurate to me. Then it changes back to Baz with “Soft Spot” for one song. Then the last four songs are both of them. 

I will say that this playlist was more Taylor Swift heavy than I typically go for when making playlists for other people. You never know if someone will love her or hate her (rarely are there in-betweens in my experience) so I usually add one at most. But these Taylor songs are the most representative for this fic. If you don’t like them that is totally fine! If you don’t like Taylor, though, I recommend still listening to them. They are only from Folklore and Evermore which are very different than the Taylor most people know. 

Here is my justification for the Taylor songs I added:

This is Me Trying: about someone who turns to alcohol when they feel like they have lost their purpose. About being in the top of your class and the best at everything until something happens and you no longer feel worthy of praise or capable of doing what you could before.

Champagne Problems: About someone who turns away a proposal from their lover for reasons they can’t understand or comprehend themselves. A line in it says “I dropped your hand while dancing, left you out there standing” and “’This dorm was once a mad house’ I made a joke ‘Well it’s made for me’” and also “one for the money, two for the show, I never was ready so I watch you go” and also “You’ll find the real thing instead, she’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred, and hold your hand while dancing, never leave you standing...”

Lastly, Cowboy Like Me: About two bandits who never expected to fall in love but did anyways, and now they know they’re gonna pay for it. In heartbreak, prison, or death they know it probably couldn’t last. Ultimately, though, even with all the shit coming their way, they have one thing in common - their swindling and their love. “Cowboy Like Me” is the ultimate “because we match” song, in my opinion. “Now you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon, with your boots beneath my bed, forever is the sweetest con... You’re a cowboy like me, and I’m never gonna love again”

“...Walk Into a Diner”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28682283

For this fanfic I took some liberties in the playlist. It was a very short fanfic but I just loved the vibe it gave- very Shepard. Very “I have no roots and I will go on adventures and make friends with every magical creature I can find”. So this playlist is a collection of all the songs that feel to me very centerless- very full of adventure. It begins with Soldier, Poet, King to signify him meeting the gang. Then it ends with “My Girlfriend is a Witch” and “Say Hey (I love you)” to show him falling in with the gang (and with Penny). I know that wasn’t part of the fic, but that was the liberty I took... I hope it fits with the vibes though!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0LeX3oX9kb5j2iU6lF2tfp?si=1bdfd09348a24cec

#server exchange #carry on #simon snow #snowbaz #baz pitch #simon snow trilogy #rainbow rowell #playlist #book playlist #carry on server exchange #Carry On series #simon snow playlist #snowbaz playlist #fanfic playlist

[mageicalwishes]

Day 1, Found Family - New Traditions

The Gang start a new Festive tradition filled with love, laughter, music, food & fun.

Day 2, Distance - Say I Love You When You’re Not Listening

Baz reflects on the events of Wayward Son, and the hopelessness he feels. "A trip to try and save him - To save us. A last ditch effort to put some of the sunshine back in to his soul. Rammed together in economy, the press of his knee firm against mine, but his mind miles away. His eyes ever averted. Touching yet so far apart. I just wish I knew where I went wrong."

Day 3, Retellings - Changing History

The Mage's publicized documents reveal a myriad of painful truths about the loss of Natasha Grimm-Pitch and the origins of Simon Snow.

Day 4, Side Characters - Thawing Of A Heart

Malcolm & Daphne. “I’d always known that I would remarry eventually. It was my duty for the good of the family. Basil needed a mother. And I needed … someone. It was a simple, logical decision - To find a woman of good breeding, and give her the Grimm name. To carry on. But, through all my planning and preparation, I had never anticipated that I would fall in love. Never anticipated her."

Day 5, Sleepless - Tonight He Is Mine

"I can’t sleep. I can never sleep these days, not how I want to anyway - It's always either that I’m knocked out for 15 hours, waking up disoriented and heavy, or that I can barely catch a moment's rest. But today is different. My body is tired, and my mind is too. If I let myself, I’d be gone. But I won’t. I can’t. Tonight is my last night with Baz, and I don’t want to miss a minute of it."

Day 6, WLW - To Her, I Taste Of Nothing At All

Fiona & Ebb. "But then, before I even knew what was happening, she was kissing me back. And Crowley, I swear I melted. She tasted of cigarette smoke and spiced rum - Like fire personified."

Day 7, Animal(s) - Family Dog

My interpretation of ‘I was a 15-year-old closet case whose parents pretended they didn’t notice when the family dog disappeared’. “A shallow grave. So much less than she deserves. But … I can’t breathe. I can’t even think. I’m running on autopilot and adrenaline alone. Everything is just - I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how I got here. I'm losing control. I can't - I can't even look at her. She's still wrapped in my sheets. I can see her bleeding. I still want it. I still want more."

Day 8, Rain - From Across The Courtyard

"When I first met him, it was hammering it down. I was rushing to the main door in a desperate attempt to rescue my suede shoes, umbrella snagging against the wind, when I heard it - An impolite 'Oi! Are you new?'"

Day 9, Kids/Childhood - At The Top Of A Tower

Simon reflects on the few happy memories he made with Baz at Watford.

Day 10, Crossover - I’ll Give You The Stars

A loose crossover between Carry On and parts of I'll Give You The Sun. “He’s haloed under the streetlights, and I’m trying not to stare. But, it’s hard. His face is celestial - The sunshine of his soul peeking through his features. I want to say more, just so that he doesn’t leave. Our houses are right there but, I feel so ... multicoloured."

Day 11, Fluff - Keeping Warm

Simon & Baz spend a tentative first night together after the events of the forest fire. “He’s sighing against me, and sliding a hand up towards to my neck to hold me closer against him, and - Fuck. He’s freezing. I jolt backwards without meaning to. Staring down at him in awe - His pupils blown wide, and a faint (But definitely present) blush spread across his cheeks."

Day 12, Wings - The Guests Can Wait

"Weddings are even more exhausting than I had imagined. What with the panicked last minute search for Simon’s vows (Which ended up being in the mini-fridge of all places), and having to parade ourselves around all of our well-wishing friends and family. All I want to do was get him alone. To tell him, without the presence of a hundred witnesses, how much he means to me - How much the fact that we’re here, together, after everything, means to me."

Day 13, Below the Surface - Below The Surface

"Las Vegas is a sham of a city. Outside it’s all bright lights and glitzy shows - Normal magicians and celebrity chefs. But, beneath its shiny exterior, it’s nothing more than a grim desert, filled with counterfeit culture, and people burning through money they don’t really have. The Katherine is no exception."

Day 14, Constellation(s) - Mirror, Mirror

Simon struggles with his body image Post-Carry On. “Sometimes I just … get so mad at them (At myself, really). I wish that they’d just grow up and tell me like it is. Tell me how much I’ve disappointed them. Tell me that they no longer want me."

Day 15, Hurt/Comfort - First Aid

Simon cares for Baz's Buckshot wounds. Less angsty re-write of the scene in Wayward Son. “I glare at him - At his blackened under eyes, and matted hair. The slight hunch of his back. It does hurt. I know it does. Liar. I move my face closer to his, and breathe in his air. I want to hug him. To kiss him. To cheer him up, somehow. Make him better. But I can’t. I don’t know how. So, instead I step away. My hands dropping limply, to my sides."

Day 16, Meme/Crack - Baby, You Can Pick Me Up Any Day

Oovoo Javer? Oovoo Javer. AKA: Baz is Simon's slightly dickhead-ish Uber driver. “I kept trying to talk to him - Asking about his night, and whether he always listens to Classical music, or if it was just for show - but he ignored me. Staring unamusedly at me in the mirror, eyebrow raised and lips tilted downwards. He got 2 stars for that trip."

Day 17, Blanket Fort - Torch The Night-Filled Fort

Baz surprises Simon with a living room blanket fort transformation. “I turn to him, beaming. ‘Baz, what? What is this?’ He hums against me. ‘Blanket fort. You’re terribly inobservant, Snow.’ ‘Yeah, but … I mean, why?’ ‘Well, it’s been a year now since we left for America, and we’ve come a long way since then. Thought it was worth celebrating,’ he confesses, smiling shyly down at the floor.”

Day 18, Side Ships - You Got A Boyfriend?

Shepard & Penny. Shepard asks Penny a very important question (Well, in his mind, anyway).

Day 19, Misunderstanding - Wrong Bottle, Moron

Simon makes a VERY stupid mistake while showering. Cue, Baz coming to his rescue.

Day 20, Technology - Screenless

Baz and Simon have been chatting online for a year. It's finally time to meet IRL and take their relationship into HD reality.

Day 21, Warmth - Out In The Cold

Fangirl era. Simon and Baz get stuck in a snowstorm, and have to find a way to stay warm.

Day 22, Unlikely Friends - You’re My Bro

Shepard comes over to hang out with his bro ... Baz?

Day 23, Cooking/Baking - What’s Cookin’ Good Lookin’?

Simon is making dinner. Baz is soft.

Day 24, Song - He Made It Easy, Darlin’

Simon & Baz struggle with trying to take the next step in their relationship. Inspired by Easy by Troye Sivan

Day 25, Parallel Universe - Parallelt Univers

Simon and Baz spend the day recovering in bed, after their first kiss. Inspired by the 'Parallel Universes' talk from Skam.

Day 26, Break - I Think We Should Break Up

Simon is trying to do what's right for Baz. Baz disagrees.

Day 27, Snowstorm - Searching In The Snow

Simon has lost his cat. So the only obvious choice is to hammer on his neighbour's door at 2AM ... And Baz is not impressed.

Day 28, Party - Festivities, Food, and Family. Chapter 1

"I’m over the bloody moon. After everything that happened after we left Watford, I wasn’t sure that I’d ever get to see this Snow - a truly joyful Snow - again. And it broke my heart. Yet, here we are, spending our fifth anniversary together, surrounded by friends and family in our own little London flat."

Day 29, Secret Santa/Gift Giving - Festivities, Food, and Family. Chapter 2

Day 30, Any Way the Wind Blows - Worst Road Trip ... Ever!

Shepard is NOT enjoying his trip back to England with the Gang. "I feel like a kid again, sat in the back of my mothers pick-up, hyped up on sugar, but belted down to the seat. Unable to run. Constantly being shushed."

Also huge thanks and praise goes to everyone involved in running the @carryon-countdown Countdown this year!!! I really enjoyed taking part :)

#carry on #snowbaz #simon snow #my writing #wayward son #my fic #carry on countdown #coc 2020 #baz pitch #co/ws

[thesmalltowngal]

Snowbaz 26- Finding His Fangs 101

OTP Prompt #26: It’s eighth year, and Simon has cooked up a very… unique idea to get Baz to reveal his fangs. 

~ During this time of quarantine, I’m aiming to post much more regularly. Enjoy! ~

I have tried everything to get Baz to show me his fangs. Well, presumed fangs, as Penny says. But he’s a bloody vampire, and I just know it. The cold, pale skin, the sneaking around in the catacombs, and having colour right after. The strength and grace he has on the pitch, his cheekbones! (Penny says that has nothing to do with vampirism- but I know better. I’ve seen Twilight.) I’ve tried scaring him into it (he’s never even flinched), punching him into it, provoking him into it, giving myself a papercut near him, etc. And I’m almost bloody positive that his fangs pop out when he eats. So anyway, I’ve decided to try a different tactic. It probably won’t work, and he’ll probably punch me for it, (not probably. He will) but it’s my last resort. I haven’t told Penny about it and I’m not going to, because she’ll lecture me for it, no doubt. I’m going to Bella him. As in Bella from Twilight. 

As in seduce him. Logically, I know he’s probably not even capable of being seduced. And especially not by me. Hell, I don’t even know if he’s gay. (I’m not, but. Drastic measures, yeah?) Logically, I know that this will not work. But when have I ever been one for logic? I haven’t got much planned out, but I’m in our room now, and it’s dark and he’s just got back from the catacombs, so I’m thinking I’ll just go from there. 

When Baz sees me sitting up in bed, he looks me up and down and then sneers. “Snow.” His voice is clipped and to the point, blatantly showcasing the hate he feels for me. Crowley, this might be harder than I thought. (No- bloody impossible is what it might be.) I can’t work up the nerve to get up and approach him before he locks himself in our bloody en suite, and I hear the shower turn on.

I could go into the en suite while he’s in the shower. I could. I probably shouldn’t. But I very well could. And if I did and he was starkers, it might speed the process up a bit. I feel my cheeks burn at the thought of Baz naked. I wonder briefly what would happen if I went in there starkers. Bloody armageddon, probably. (This is the most my mind has thought this year.) But apparently, I’ve thought too much without any action, because by the time I finally un-glue my arse from my bed, Baz is out of the bathroom in his posh pajamas, completely ignoring me. 

His back is facing me when he says, “Can I help you with something, Snow?” (He has eyes in the back of his head, he does. Bloody vampire.) 

“Erm,” I stutter as I stand up, moving toward him. Just fangs. I just want to see the fangs. “Actually, yes,” I try my best to sound seductive, but I s’pose I sound right constipated because Baz spins right around and quirks an eyebrow at me. 

“Alright there, prat?” I’m bloody done with this. I only wanted to see his fangs, and now he’s insulting me and standing so close that I can see blue flecks in his grey eyes, and his cold is seeping through my warmth and I’m only focusing on his hair, and when did I start looking at his lips? (My mind is going too bloody fast.)

“Baz-” I whisper it, but his name gets engulfed by the bloody devil himself as his lips press against mine. It’s all teeth at first, but he slows the kiss down, and I take him by the back of the head to deepen it. His mouth is soft and cold, and much nicer than a bloke’s mouth should feel. But he pulls back all too soon, and looks right mortified. A faint blush creeps up his neck to his cheeks. 

“Sorry Snow, I just, um,” Baz never trips over his words. (Or apologizes.) “You were just so close, and I-” It’s my turn to shut him up with my mouth, bringing him back into the kiss. He doesn’t pull away this time. I’m very aware of his hands on my back and threading through my hair, tugging softly. I am not, however, so aware of why this began in the first place. (Not that I want it to stop.) 

Fangs I remember as I pull on his hair. (As soft as I had always imagined it to be.) I want to see his fangs, but I won’t mention it now, so he doesn’t think I’m using him. (I am using him. And I feel like a right prat about it.) (As I tug off his shirt, it doesn’t feel like I’m using him.) He puts sloppy kisses down my neck and my shoulders, leaving love bites. I can’t help but groan his name, and I wonder briefly how long he’s been wanting this. (How long have I been wanting this?) I don’t want this, I remind myself. It’s just means to an end. And that end is finally proving that he’s a vampire, once and for all. 

“Bite me,” I whisper fervently, barely audible. My voice wavers and Baz stills, and for a moment I wonder if I’ve gone and bloody fucked it up. 

“Excuse me, Snow?”

“Baz. Bite me.” I say again, meeting his gaze as he moves to sit up. (Just one look and this’ll all be over with.) 

“Simon, I don’t um-” He looks unsure, and I try to non-verbally communicate that he can trust me. (Even though this is all just a plot to prove his vampirism.) (Maybe I’m the one that’s been plotting this whole time.) “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He looks to anywhere but me. Right. So that’s practically an admission. I could just stop right here, call it good, yeah? But something tugs in my gut (and not my never ending hunger, for once), telling me that I shouldn’t stop here. I don’t want to stop here. 

“Baz, love,” I bring a hand up to his (Edward Cullen style) cheekbones. “It’s okay. I don’t care.” I try telling myself I do care, but, well. I don’t think I intended to go this far, and now I’ve got no idea where to go from here. 

For a moment, I think he’s either going to walk away or punch me. Instead, he reaches up to take my hand and takes a deep breath. Then he opens his mouth a bit. Before anything happens, I give his hand a reassuring squeeze. When his fangs drop and he flushes a bit, I can’t help but gasp a bit. 

“Wicked,” I expected a lot of things to come out of my mouth when I finally saw his fangs. Admiration was not expected. Attraction was not expected. Blood rushing to certain extremities was not expected. 

He smiles a bit and rolls his eyes when I try to get closer to look at them. “Really?” He asks, gently trying to push me away. (It’s half arsed. He’s not really trying, anyway.) 

“Crowley, Baz! They’re- they’re so cool.” He flushes just a touch again as I put my hand out to touch the front of one. (Is this weird? This is definitely weird.) “This is insane. Insane, Baz! Do they pop out when you eat?”

“Yes,” I always wondered why he didn’t eat in the dining hall. (He lisps with his fangs. It is the single most bloody arousing thing I’ve ever heard in my life.)

“And you um,” I stumble, looking for the right words. “They help you… drink?” He goes stiff and I rub soft circles in his hand to help him relax. He only nods. “Okay, and now the biggest question.” He braces himself. 

“Carry on then, Simon.”

“Your fangs- are they… are they like straws that suck the blood up or do you stab and then drink?” He stares at me in what I can only assume to be shock at my genius question, but then he laughs and rolls his eyes while shoving me, and I think he might be the most beautiful thing I’ve seen, fangs and all. (Especially with the fangs.)

“I am not a sippy cup, Simon. I could kill you in an instant- without magic. I’m...” He trails off, looking sad. I think I know what he’s thinking, and I don’t like it a bit. (Maybe this morning I would’ve said I did. But now? Now it’s like everything has changed… maybe because everything has.)

I softly open his mouth and press a soft kiss to each of his fangs. Somehow, he manages to both tense and relax at the same time. “You’re beautiful, Baz.” I know his secret now. Years and years spent trying to get it out of him- for just some clue. But what I didn’t realize was that he was giving me bloody clues all the time! I was right daft, looking for other secrets- the wrong secrets... not knowing he was always trying to tell me his biggest one of all. 

He fancies me. More than that, I think after the right proper snog we had, I fancy him. (And I think it’s been that way a long bloody time, too.) I dunno what I thought I’d do once I figured out he was a vampire and he showed me his fangs. Maybe I thought I was going to tell the mage; finally get rid of Baz, once and for all. But really, I think Penny would tell me this has all been because I secretly wanted to snog him. (Maybe she’s right- usually is.)

Baz grins at me like I’m all he’s ever wanted. (He’s all I’ve ever wanted- I just didn’t know it yet.) “You’re not so bad yourself, Snow.” (His lisping is driving me mad.)

“You called me Simon, before.” He shakes his head and cocks his eyebrow in that infuriating way that’s always riled me up. (In more ways than one, now that I think on it.)

“No I-” I shove my mouth into his, risking my lip getting sliced open in order to shut him up. (If I would have known this method of shutting-up would work, I certainly would have done it a bloody long time ago.) 

After what seems like a very long and heated time, I pull back, despite his protestations. Sheepishly, but with more want and lust and love that I’ve ever felt before, I choke out, “About that bite I asked for earlier…”

#snowbaz #snowbaz fanfic #snowbaz fanfiction #simon #simon snow #baz #baz grimm pitch #baz pitch #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #penny #penelope #penelope bunce #rainbow rowell #carry on #wayward son #fanfic #fanfiction #magic #watford #Watford School of Magicks #love #mlm #simonxbaz #fluff #fangs #fang fluff #not smut i swear #a little smutty #but not too bad #tyrannus 'baz' basilton grimm pitch is in love with simon snow

[pipsqueakparker]

first line meme

i saw @annabellelux and a couple others tag me on this, so i’ll try to do this as well (if tumblr doesn’t destroy everything 😂) 

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line.

I’ll go ahead and put these under a cut, there’s gonna be a weird mix of smut and non-smut, so be warned (i don’t think any of the opening lines are too graphic, but fics are)

And I’ll tag @caitybuglove23, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @krisrix, @sharkmartini, @scone-lover & anyone else that wants to do this!

breaking routine 

I don’t know what’s gotten into Baz lately, but whatever it is, it’s a blessing in disguise. Or whatever the saying is.

thank you steve jobs 

“I’ve got an idea.”

Those words frequently scare me when they come out of Snow’s mouth, but somehow even more so when we’re on separate sides of the city, connected only by the small screens of our phones. My screen is mostly dark, with a flash of light or color here and there as Snow walks through his flat. He’s living with Bunce and I’m still staying at Fiona’s—it’s just easier right now, to be this way.

the one with the frogs 

We’re meant to be putting up the Christmas decorations tonight, but Baz won’t let me off the sofa. Our Christmas tree is still boxed up somewhere in the flat, mixed up with some other boxes of decorations we’ve brought in recently. And Baz is nestled into my side, both arms wrapped tightly around my middle, his nose pressed into my cheek. We were going to watch a film while we decorated, but I think he’s gotten a bit distracted.

“Enjoying yourself?” I ask, my voice soft and low. I want to turn to look at him, but I feel the tip of his nose press deeper into my cheek and find myself laughing. He gets especially soft and silly around the holidays.

twinkle 

It’s dark, nothing lighting up the night except for the sliver of moon peeking out over us. Stars twinkle among the wisps of clouds, in and out of my field of vision.

The only thing clear about tonight is the swell in my chest when I watch Simon swoop down over the treetops, wings beating powerfully as he makes a sharp turn. Thank Crowley for my heightened sight; I can make out the individual bones in those mighty wings, the way his curls get tousled by the wind, and the grin split across his face.

Simon Snow is a vision.

love’s not a competition (but we’re winning) 

Baz is on top of me, pressing me into the mattress with his entire body.

reconnecting for christmas 

I’m not a grinch, or a scrooge.

I don’t hate Christmas; I just hate all of the ridiculous expectations that come along with it. The ugly jumpers, the secret Santas, the grown adults trampling each other and trading blows over toys.

The annual holiday parties held at my university that I’m always forced to attend because my cousin is a fucking horror.

chore negotiation 

It started as a joke.

Well, mostly a joke. I hate doing the washing up after dinner; the only thing worse than the Humdrum is a sink full of dirty dishes. Every moment I spent in front of the sink felt like a special kind of torture. (Maybe that’s an exaggeration.) (But not much of one.)

scary movie 

“Let’s watch a scary movie,” Simon suggests. At seven in the morning.

His face is just inches away from mine, eyes bright like it isn’t seven in the fucking morning.

I glare at him.

And then I turn my back to him and go back to sleep.

Because it’s seven in the fucking morning.

poorly timed christmas decorations 

Someone has taken it upon themselves to decorate Mummers for the holidays.

I’m actually fairly certain it was a group of someones, and I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that my ridiculous cousin and his roommate were at the helm of the poor decisions. Niall genuinely wants to start celebrating Christmas as early as possible, but Dev just wants to create chaos.

There are lights wrapped around the railings and hung over the walls, wreaths on every door, and poinsettias on each landing. If it weren’t the middle of October it might be nice. However, it is the middle of October.

carving pumpkins 

Baz is good at a lot of things. He’s smart, fit, athletic, flexible, charming, etc. He’s an expert at nearly everything, at least that’s what he’d have you believe. It’s what he’s had me believe for the longest time. It’s part of what made me hate him so much. (Suppose that wasn’t as much hate as I thought initially, though, was it?)

Anyway, Baz is good at shit, and it’s annoying.

spooky ghosts 

I don’t know what prompted me to open my mouth as I was leaving Watford.

I don’t know what possessed him to accept such an offer.

But somehow, by the grace of either Merlin or Crowley (potentially a little of both), Simon Snow is at my family home for the winter holidays.

black cats 

Sometimes Snow can be a mad genius.

And sometimes he’s just mad.

witch hats 

It’s our next to last day — well, my last day, I suppose — at Watford.

We’ve a whole ceremony to deal with, us eighth years. It’s strange to be preparing for this without Snow or Bunce.

new candles 

Coping mechanisms are something we’ve been talking about a lot in therapy. Healthy ones and unhealthy ones.

Apparently I had a lot of unhealthy ones for a long time. I didn’t even realize until my therapist pointed them out to me, but we’re trying to replace them with healthier ones.

cinnamon spice 

Simon’s working late tonight.

He got a new job at this little bakery on the other side of town. He positively loves it, I swear he came home after his first day already best friends with the entire staff. I don’t blame them, Simon’s a delight.

warm apple cider 

“We should get lunch,” Simon says, swinging our joined hands between us as we follow a dirt path toward a picnic area.

Bunce asked us if we could find our way out of the flat today, she and the Normal wanted some alone time. I was just going to take Simon back to my flat, but Fiona decided she would be coming back early from her trip, knocking that option out. (Not that I don’t love my aunt, but sometimes it’s just easier to keep her away from Simon. For my sanity’s sake.)

We were just going to drive around for a bit, maybe find somewhere to spend some time, try to have our own day to ourselves. Simon ended up looking up events happening around and found this little autumnal festival, which is where we ended up.

fuzzy socks & a book 

Snow always teases me when I wear these socks, but they’re soft, and warm, and nice. They run up well past my ankle, about mid-calf, and they’re sherpa-lined so they’re especially insulated and soft. They also have two little vampire teeth at the top, and two little leathery black wings that stick out from the ankles.

Mordelia picked them out when she was around six or seven, Daphne was just properly tickled by them and put them into my stocking that Christmas. Several years later I’m still wearing them.

They’re nice.

take two 

We’ve not talked about the clone incident since that day.

In fact, we’ve not talked much since that day. Full stop.

We kissed until our lips were sore, until we were both gasping for breath, until the sun went down and the shadows lay over us and we fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up in his bed. He was nowhere to be found. He didn’t show up to breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. He was absent from all of our classes. I didn’t see him again for nearly two full days.

baby animals 

Baz is letting me hunt with him.

Well, not hunt with him, really. But he’s letting me go out with him. Into the woods behind his family house.

I know how hard it is for him to let me in on this part of him, the whole vampire thing. He’s trying.

(basil the) scarecrow  

Simon Snow was well into middle age now, as he carried his two youngest to bed.

#my fic #first line meme #i couldn't decide if it should just be the literal first line or like the general opening lines #so this is what we got

[the-pandora-jar]

(ok so i decided to make a separate post for this don’t mind me)

Hello friends!! okay so i made sure that I would finish this fic in time for Simon’s Birthday. (I think this is the fluffiest thing I have written)

ANYWAYS happy birthday Simon snow my favourite dragon-butter boy I love you and thank u rainbow for giving us this beautiful character 🤝🥰.

For those who would prefer to read it here, u can read under this :)

Baz’s POV

Rainy Saturday nights are the absolute best. 

Simon and I both agreed to designate saturday nights as our date nights, where we snuggle together in our living room to watch movies, eat scones and trade kisses in the dark.

Once in a while Bunce joins us as well, but only if we agree to keep things PG. But tonight, she has an important company dinner to attend, which means that we both have the whole house to ourselves. (“Behave you two, and don’t have too much fun,” she winked at us suggestively before she left.)

Today it was Simon’s turn to choose the movies, and knowing his love for fantasy movies, I knew I was in for a treat tonight. The sound of pelting rain against our windows, along with the freezing cold temperature set the mood perfectly. Both of us were huddled close together in thick blankets, our limbs entangled together as we tried to keep ourselves warm and cosy.  

“Baz, how would you feel about watching the Narnia movies? I’ve never gotten the chance to see any of them before,” Simon asked as he scrolled through Netflix on our tv, casually resting his head on my shoulder as he did so. 

I sat up and turned towards him, horrified. “You’ve never watched any of them before?”

Simon gave me a shy smile. “I don’t know, I guess it never really appealed to me when I was younger.“

I shook my head in utter disbelief. “ You are unbelievable Snow. Okay, that just means that now we HAVE to watch all of them today. You will finally find out how much you have been missing out.”

Simon flashed me a soft grin as he took a big bite out of his sour cherry scone. “Well, i’m up for it if you are,” he whispered in my ear as he shifted closer to me on the couch and pressed the play button.

———-

One of my sharpest memories of my childhood was of me watching the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe with my mother when I was a tiny child.  I remember the magical aura of the whole movie, the enchanting music that seemed to suck me right into the fantasy world of narnia. I remember my wide eyed wonder at every thrilling scene, my heart pounding loudly as I sat at the edge of my seat to await what would happen next.

That was the exact emotion that I could see plastered on Simon’s face. He was transfixed with the movie as though nothing else was in the room but him and the tv screen. (I would be mad at him for not paying much attention to me if it weren’t so god damn adorable).

When we reached the scene where Lucy first wandered into Narnia by stumbling into the wardrobe, Simon stilled, his eyes following every single movement in the scene as though he was trying to figure out exactly how Lucy managed to find Narnia. 

At this point of time, I wasn’t even paying attention to the movie anymore. Every atom in my body was now focused on seeing Simon’s adorable bursts of reaction from the corner of my eye every time something exciting happens.

By the time Aslan finally came on-screen, Simon squeezed my hands as he whisper-shouted in my ear, “He’s here, he’s finally here!!” I rolled my eyes at his eagerness, yet I couldn’t resist smiling at that.

Throughout the rest of the movie, I constantly snuck peaks at Simon every now and then. It was remarkable how he was able to cry, laugh, smile, and then cry again in just a matter of minutes. 

Watching Simon & his enthusiasm made me realise the one thing that I absolutely love about him: Simon snow is so fucking alive. 

As the end credits rolled, the storm outside had calmed down to a mild drizzle, though it did nothing to lower down the temperature. The plate of scones I made for simon lay on the coffee table, cold and untouched. Simon must have been so engrossed with the movie to the point that he completely forgot about them, which was an extremely rare occurrence.

Nestled cosily in my blanket, I turned to face him. “So, how was it?”, I asked, pretending as though i didn’t just spend half the movie gazing at him & his not-so-subtle reactions.

He was gawking at the screen with his mouth wide open and his eyes glistening with tears, as though he could not quite comprehend that it was over. 

“ I-I-I it was absolutely beautiful!!”, he buried his face in my shoulder and let out a sob, drenching my blanket as he sobbed his eyes out. “How could I have never watched this before?”

God, what a dramatic cutie.

Forcing myself not to chuckle, I opened my mouth to tell him that there was more to come. But before I could do that, Simon stood up hastily and wiped his tears on the palm of his hands . I almost thought I could see a glint of determination in his blue eyes.

Smiling at me sweetly, he said, “Babe give me a minute, I need to use the bathroom before we continue”. 

Yet again, he amazes me with how fast his emotions shift.

Thinking nothing of this, I nodded and sank back into the coziness of my blankets, wrapping them tightly around my body as I mindlessly scrolled through Netflix while waiting for him to return.

10 minutes later, Simon still hadn’t returned. 

 “Simon, love, are you still in the bathroom?” I yelled in the direction of where our bathroom was. 

No answer.

Getting increasingly worried by the second, I rushed to the bathroom fearing something bad had happened to him. Many different worrying scenarios popped into my brain. Did he slip and hit his head?? Did he fall into the toilet bowl? Or worse…. Did he get kidnapped by numpties???

As I passed by our bedroom on the way to the bathroom, something made me stop short in my steps.

THUMP THUMP THUMP  *scream*

It was coming from the…. Wardrobe?

Oh no. oh god. It couldn’t be - 

He wouldn’t have done that… would he?

I sprinted to the wardrobe to open it and true enough, Simon was kneeling on the floor of the wardrobe, his face stricken with panic and a tiny bit of embarrassment as he looked up at me. His knuckles were a little bruised from frantically pounding on the door and his cheeks were stained with tear-streaks as he slowly tried to compose himself.

I couldn’t help it. Despite the situation, I burst out laughing, clutching my stomach as I heaved with laughter.

“W-wh Baz are you laughing at me?”

“Fuck im so sorry love,” I took a moment to catch my breath, “but did you just try to walk through our wardrobe to find Narnia?”

Simon looked down bashfully, very obviously avoiding my eyes. “Well I HAD to try!”

“God damn it Simon, you are so fucking adorable,” I chuckled as I swooped down and carried him out of the wardrobe like a baby. He looped his arms around my neck and buried his face in my neck, instantly relaxing in my arms as I slowly carried him back to the living room.

Seeing Simon in such a vulnerable position warmed my heart, and I could not resist leaning forward and pressing a warm kiss on the top of Simon’s head. He signed warmly in response, and whispered a tiny “I love you” to me as he tightened his grip on me. 

“Come on love,” I whispered softly in his ear, “Let’s carry on our Narnia marathon.”

#simon snow #carry on #wayward son #carry on fanfiction #HAPPY birthday simon snow 😭❤ #baz pitch #snowbaz #bren attempts to write

[light-on-the-riverbed]

Pics or it didn’t happen

Baz

Thank Merlin uni ends at 12:30 pm, at Waterford we had 6 hours of class, that's not even counting the hours we had to spend practicing our spells and elocution (not that I needed much practice in the later years). Living among NormaIs has not been as terribly boring as I thought it was going to be. I’ve always taken Normal's words for granted, they speak the words and we make them magic. The phrase I've taken a liking to is "Pics or it didn't happen". Not because it sounds nice (I really wish they said something more clever) but because with the right emphasis you can get a perfect picture of what you are seeing right onto your phone. Thanks to that spell my camera roll is now filled with candids of Simon. Simon laughing, Simon with a messy bed head, Simon just being alive. Every day with him feels amazing even the mundane things like getting groceries or hanging out at his apartment. Almost as if Simon could hear me thinking about him, my phone lights up with his name.

4 new messages Simon Snow

My class is almost done!!!

Friday!

Still on for board games

and snacks with Penny?

                 Yes, Simon, I haven't forgotten

                 Did you want me to pick up anything

Butter and Cherries

Penny and I been trying to

figure out Chef's recipe

I think we got it >-<

                 Ah yes, but this time I'm trying them last

                My mouth still tastes salty from last time

                And I keep making sure to check that

               my tongue is there every so often

Salt and sugar look the same!!!

:P

See you soon Bae ;)

               You know I hate Normal pet names

               You’ll pay for it when I get there -__-

Simon

We've been at the flat for almost two months now and I'm starting to get a good routine. Some days it reminds me of my Normal summers in the homes but in a happy way. At least I think I’m happy (I don’t think it should be this hard to tell) Baz is over a lot more than Penny would like but I think they are growing on each other (though neither of them will admit it). They love to debate the most frivolous topics and I love listening to them, most of the time it’s about which language has the best whatever. I never pay enough attention to know the exact topic. I just love that they had so much passion for something so mundane. Baz gets this thoughtful faraway look on his face whenever he is thinking hard about what Penny is saying and I have to stop myself from kissing his nose to get rid of it. Though one time I didn't stop myself and Baz actually stuttered (I never thought I’d see the day) and he called me Simon (well yelled), which made me burst out laughing. Penny pretended to disapprove but I could see her eyes shining with amusement.

Most weekends we will all hang out together and take at least a couple of hours away from uni work. Penny and I have taken to baking as a way to spend time together and destress after the busy week of class. I love baking anything that has a ton of butter. I've finally managed to get a decent croissant (they're not perfect but you can tell what they are now). Then there was that incident with the Salty Scones, Baz took a bite and suddenly his eyes were red and crying and he was spitting out the scone and wiping his tongue. Penny panicked and spelled Baz with “Cat got your tongue” but that just made him mute, which led to an impromptu game of charades (a couple of curses might have been involved). Penny finally got him to start speaking by saying his name three times with Magic. He still watches us bake, even after that incident, though he still refuses to try anything first. Baz acts like he is too posh to help us bake (well his actual words were I don't want to get flour on my clothes) but secretly I think he just enjoys watching Penny and I bake as much as I love watching him debate.

Penny

I’ll never admit it out loud but I genuinely like it when Baz Comes over. He is one of the few people who will explore a topic (debate, whatever) with me and legitimately care. Simon also seems to glow around him it's almost as if he can breathe better around Baz. I'm happy that Simon gets to be this happy, I never thought I would see the day. Of course, I still have to act indignant every time they start to get a bit too sweet with one another because I do have my limits of witnessing their PDA. I hear the door open and Baz comes in lugging a couple bags of groceries and an overnight bag. Baz has a spare key for emergencies but honestly, it’s so he can let himself in without having to knock (he’s over often enough that it would be annoying to have to open the door every time).

“Don’t lock the door behind you”, I say as he takes off his shoes and coat and gets comfortable on a barstool. I look pointedly at the table, “Simon forgot something this morning.”

“Oh Simon, he’d forget his head if it wasn’t screwed on,” Baz said with a soft smile.

“Do you want some tea while we wait for Simon?”

“I could use a cup it’s bloody freezing outside.”

“Well you know where we keep the tea and the kettle is in the wash, I’ll be nice and get a couple of biscuits together.”

“Ever the gracious host Bunce,” Baz teased.

“Hey getting groceries is hard work! Especially with how cold it is now!”

“You probably spelled them home!”

“Well yes, but I still had to go to the store.”

"Fine but the presentation of those biscuits better be sublime!"

"As if the Queen herself was coming, oh wait," I say cheekily.

Baz shoots me a look but continues filling the kettle. I go into the pantry and grab Baz's favorite biscuits and start arranging them deliberately and delicately while smiling at Baz. He rolls his eyes at me but chuckles, over the last few months he's felt more like a brother than even PremaI ever did.

"So when is Simon getting here?'' Baz asks.

“He shouldn't be long, but he wanted to play a new game so he was going to pick up a game at the shop after class."

Simon

I'm rubbish at directions, it drives Baz and Penny mad, but I managed to buy Runes and Regulations (Think American HOA meets the Families). I thought Penny and Baz would get a kick out of it. I was running a bit later than I wanted but I finally recognized the streets! (Thank Merlin!). I trekked up 3 flights of stairs (they seem to get longer every time.) and as I got to our floor I could hear Penny and Baz arguing through the door.

''How is it possible you only just learned to make a decent cup of tea you're British!''

"I've away just used Magic, or the maid would make it.''

"But Baz you're British, it's blasphemous!”

“I didn't think to do it myself until Simon started doing it, now I find it relaxing.”

“I heard my name all good things I hope,” I said walking in through the door.

Suddenly Baz lunged at my neck startling me,

“Baz, bloody hell you almost made me piss my trousers.”

He plants a kiss on one of the moles on my neck, (sometimes I think the only reason he loves me is because of my moles).

“I told you I’d make you pay for that, Bae,” he said with a smirk.

“Sorry my love, my heart, my soul, my other half.” I teased him.

“I live here too remember, a greeting would be nice."

“Hi, Penny!” I say hugging her extra tightly.

“Never mind, I give, go snog Baz,” said Penny trying to wiggle free.

“I can be bribed with Sour Cherry Scones.”

“Simon I already promised I’d help you make them, now let go."

I let her go and poured myself a cup of nice warm tea.

“Let me get warm first, I may have gotten a bit lost and now I can't feel anything.”

Baz

I sit at one of the barstools and watch Penny and Simon meticulously measure each ingredient. I like the excuse to look at Simon without him being self-conscious, he’s so relaxed and shiny from how much he beams with happiness. “Pics or it didn’t happen,” I say under my breath.

“What was that?” Simon asks.

“You’ve got flour on your nose,” I tease him

As he goes to wipe his nose he leaves even more flour on it. Penny raises her eyebrows, amused, but says nothing.

“Perfect,” I tell him and in that moment he is.

Author’s Note: Gift for @helplesshobo for the @coexchange

#carry on exchange #july 2020 #carry on #wayward son #simon snow #baz pitch #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #rainbow rowell

[simonsrosebud]

Hand Sanitizer Prompt!

Carry On Quarantine Round Robin!

Here we goooo

SIMON

Penny won’t let me leave the flat.

I need to leave the flat. I think I’m going stir crazy, is what it is. I can’t tell just yet. It’s only been a week, but I’m so used to working and going to class and going around Baz’s that being cooped up is making me feel like I’m on house arrest.

I’m trying not to complain about it, though. I get that this is a serious thing, and that we have to be careful. Penny’s friends with some nursing students who have been working, so she’s been extra jittery and mother hen-like because she’s worried for them. She takes it out on me. I’ve lost count of how many times she’s made me put plastic gloves on just to take out the trash. Which has been a lot. I won’t admit that I’m doing my best to fill up the bin quicker so that I get the chance to go throw it out behind the building, but I most definitely am.

I’m only saying, going out on a walk once and a while wouldn’t kill me. London isn’t on shutdown, and people are still allowed out and all. It’s just Penny that’s keeping me in. I know it’s because I’m a Normal, now, that I’m not as protected from sickness as I once was, but I’m not worried. Baz can just Turn me if I get too sick.

He didn’t used to like me joking about that, but he’s grown tolerant of it.

That’s why I need to sneak out. I haven’t seen Baz in a week aside from video chats. He won’t help me, though. Goes on about I’m not getting involved with Bunce’s wrath. Whatever. I can handle it. I’ll just fly away when she inevitably gets mad at me.

I'd spent most of my life going by a plan all those years ago- The Humdrum, the vampire club, the vampire fight. It's no different that I have one this time around as well.

I've taken the liberty of getting to know Amazon.com very well and ordered more little hand sanitizers than I needed. They all came today, which means today's the day. I texted Baz as much, he wasn't amused.

I pop my head into Penny’s room. “I ordered a bunch of sanitizers. I’m going to go drop them off at the hospital and such. Saw somewhere on Facebook that people are doing that.”

She tilts her head. I hope she doesn’t see through me. “I could probably just spell them there, if you want-”

“No!” I shrug. “Um, I’d rather do it myself. See to it that they get there. Could use the trip.” I half expect her to shake her head and tell me she’ll do it, instead. That her protective spells would work better on her, anyway. But she doesn’t. She coats me in spells, but she doesn’t say anything more about it.

“Please be careful, Simon.” She spells my wings away and turns me to face her. “We can’t take you to the hospital if you get sick, you know. They’re not letting any guests with people over eighteen, so no one would be able to get in there and make sure your wings are hidden.”

I hadn’t thought about that before, but now it’s the only thing on my mind as I make my way to Baz’s flat. And when he opens the door I drop the bag and hug him.

BAZ

I can’t say I’m not worried. Simon said he was coming over, but he didn’t say anything about being in distress- or bringing a bag of (which I most definitely will be questioning). His quick heartbeat proves it.

“What’s wrong, Simon?” I pull away from him and close the door behind.

He shrugs and scratches his hair. “Thought Penny was worried about me getting this virus because I’m a Normal, not because I wouldn’t be able to go to the hospital if I needed to with my wings an’ all. Just feel bad I’ve been complaining so much about her hovering.”

“That’s why neither of us wanted you going outside and running errands. What’s with the hoarding?”

Simon looks behind him where I’ve jutted my chin towards. The tips of his ears go pink. “Takin’ em to the hospital. Needed an excuse to come see you.”

The logical side of me wants to flick his forehead for being so careless, but the emotional side wants to kiss him for sneaking out to see me. I do both.

“Aye!” Simon pushes my face from his cheek. “Can’t play both sides like that!”

“No, Snow, you deserved it and you know it. I hope you know I’m not letting you go near the hospital. I can drop them off in one of the donation boxes nearby.” He pouts and nods, and slides his hand around my waist.

I understand where he’s coming from, I think. At least with him wanting to be out and not cooped up in his flat. Not that I'm happy about it, either, but I can manage just fine. Simon always had, and still has, a hard time sitting still or staying in one spot. The only time he was fine with it was after The Humdrum. When he was depressed. I don't think I should ask, but I want to know if he's scared he'll get like that again. I don't think Penelope would let him get like that again. Not after everything before.

Simon taps his fingers against my hip. “What if you stayed with us? While we’re quarantining? Penny does all her work in her room, so you could have the table. Or my desk, or wherever. M’not getting much work to do, anyway.”

That’s the thing. I would much rather spend my time quarantining with them than alone. Could keep an eye on the two of them god forbid something were to happen.

I pull on the strings of Simon’s jumper and he steps flush against me. Crowley, how I love being able to do that. “Fine. But you have to be strict about washing up. If you so much as touch your face you wash your hands before doing anything else.” He nods. “I can’t take any more risks with you, yeah?”

“C’mon, this’ll be a breeze compared to what we’ve been through.” Simon says and kisses me. All softness and warmth. I can feel him starting to smile, but I don’t mind. I can’t say I get tired of seeing it.

He pulls away and slides his hands around my back. “Speaking of being a breeze, will it take long to drop off all those hand sanitizers because I haven’t seen you in a week and your trousers fit real nice today.”

#carry on quarantine #hand sanitizer #carry on #simon snow #baz pitch #snowbaz #penny bunce #wayward son #rainbow rowell

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Missed Moments with You

Rating: M

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Word Count: 14353

Summary: Almost six months after Baz drunkenly stumbled back into Simon's life, they're still together and happy. Well, mostly. It'd be great if they had more time together, but work keeps getting in the way. Can their relationship survive their real lives?

Read on AO3

Sequel to “Back to Haunt Me”

AN: HAHAHAHAHA I DID IT BITCHES!!!! I FINALLY FINISHED A FIC AFTER MONTHS OF ILLNESS AND WRITER'S BLOCK!!!! Seriously, I could not do ANYTHING for so long. But I was finally able to do this! Big thanks to @carryonmylovelies for all her help and encouragement. She is the best.

Sadly, I couldn't get this to fit into any of my requests. I will try to get to those, I promise. My brain is just not functioning at full capacity and really hasn't for awhile. Hope you enjoy this one tho :)

Disclaimer: I am not a teacher or a psychiatrist. Most of my knowledge comes from being a student and a therapy/psychiatry patient, plus a little research online. This is not meant to be a super duper accurate representation of either. Dramatic License was taken.

———————————————

Simon

Even though it’s soft, I still hear the door close. It’s not like I have super ears. I’ve just been sleeping lightly, trying to stay up until Baz comes back. I hear him quietly take off his ugly shoes, walk towards the room, and open the door. I stay still as he flops down next to me and gets under the blanket. He lazily throws an arm over my side, long nose pressed against my neck. I love when he does this, wraps himself around me. Baz makes me feel so happy.

“Hey,” I say, barely a whisper. “How was the hospital?”

Baz’s groan reverberates down my skin. “Nearly punched a patient’s father in the face.”

“Sounds like the usual.”

“Mhm. Just another day and night at University College Hospital.” He tosses his leg over mine. Sometimes I swear he wants to bloody climb me. “You should be asleep, Snow, it’s late.”

“You’re up.”

“Because I’m a medical resident and my hours are completely insane. You’re allowed the luxury of a mostly normal sleep schedule, take advantage of it.”

I grab his hand over my stomach, weaving our fingers together. “I like waiting for you.”

“Mm.” He nuzzles closer and holds me tighter, then presses a soft kiss behind my ear. I’m in heaven. “Sap.”

“Always.” I kiss the back of his hand. “We should both sleep now, love.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “Night, love.”

I close my eyes, finally sinking into sleep as my wonderful, exhausted boyfriend holds me tight.

———————————————

I’m woken up by my alarm blaring shitty hair metal at top volume. Baz lets out a loud groan into my shoulder.

“Why do you play that rubbish?” he growls. “Why not some nice classical?”

“Because this rubbish wakes me up.” I reluctantly extract myself from Baz’s lovely arms. I hear him roll onto his stomach and spread out in a starfish on my bed. He loves cuddling with me, but he also likes to stretch out his long limbs. I grab my glasses, returning my ability to see properly, then turn around to look at him, and my mouth drops open.

“Baz!” I shout. “You climbed into my bed in your fucking scrubs again!?”

Baz lifts his head slightly and pulls at his light blue scrubs, eyebrows pulled together. “Hm, looks like I did.”

“They’re filthy!”

“No.” He flops back down, face smushed into my pillow. “I washed them yesterday. There’s just a bit of dried blood on my trouser leg. No sick or spinal fluid this time.”

I shake my head, but it’s with a smile. “I can’t believe my neat freak former roommate has developed such low standards of cleanliness.”

Baz makes an annoyed grunting sound before sinking further into my bed. I chuckle and press a kiss to his hairline. He’s already asleep again.

I grab my bathrobe and go into the kitchen, a smile on my face. It’s been five months since Basilton Pitch drunkenly wandered his way back into my life. I never imagined we would see each other again, let alone start dating. But it’s been pretty great. Baz is so much more than I thought he was. I already knew he was brilliant, but he’s also hilarious and kind and utterly amazing. I’m happier with him, and I think Baz is happier with me too.

The only problem is exactly what Baz warned me about when we started dating; he’s insanely busy. The hospital has him on a weird, inconsistent schedule. He’ll sometimes work for over twelve hours then collapse for an entire day afterwards. If that wasn’t hard enough, when this started, I didn’t factor in my own job. Very dumb, considering what I do. When I’m not teaching, I’m usually grading or writing lesson plans, so it’s not like I have a lot of free time either. We once went two and a half weeks without seeing each other. It was awful, but both of us understood. Still missed him though. I miss him a lot. In nearly six months, we’ve been on three proper dates. It’s not that I like fancy dinners and shit, I just like being with Baz. I wish we could be together more.

I stop to give Cherry her morning pet and wet food. She purrs under my hand. Then I make myself instant coffee, the ambrosia of primary teachers, and toaster waffles. I leave some for Baz to heat up later. He has pretty refined tastes, but no one can resist toaster waffles. He’ll probably be up to eat them around noon, when we’ll Skype chat while I have lunch at school. It’s my favourite part of the day. I want it to happen more often.

The phone ringing breaks me out of my lovesick melancholy. Penny’s grinning face stares back at me. I quickly pick it up. “Hey, Pen.”

“Hey Si,” she says, voice crackling slightly. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going alright. Just making myself some shit coffee and toaster waffles.”

“I’m a bit horrified your breakfast habits haven’t changed since uni.”

I scoff very self righteously. “Neither have yours. Last time I visited, you were stuffing your face with pop tarts.”

“You have no proof of that.” I can feel Penny’s glare from across the bloody Atlantic.

“No,” I chuckle. “I guess I don’t. Oh, I did almost get video proof of Baz wolfing down two Big Macs. He finished just after I got my phone out, it was amazing.”

“Ha! Get a video of it when it happens next time, then show me that and I’ll owe you a pint.”

“I’ll try next time we go out.” I slump a little in my chair.  “If we go out...”

Penny sighs in a particular way. It’s the one she uses when she knows I’m down and wants to bring me back up. “Baz still working those long shifts, huh?”

“Yeah, so he’s tired a lot. And our schedules have trouble syncing up. It really sucks and it’s not like either of us have a choice in it, especially him. But still it...it’s like- I just-”

“Part of you doesn’t give a shit about work, you just want to be together more.”

I sink further on the chair, so much so I fear I’m going to melt into the vinyl. “Kinda, yeah. Does that...does that make me a bad boyfriend and person?”

“No, no, absolutely not, Simon. It makes you a normal person who desires their partner.”

“Okay, yeah, sure, but Baz warned me about his job. He told me that he would have insane hours and it would make having a relationship really hard. I told him it was okay, that we would make it work, so I can’t get mad now, right?”

“You’re allowed to be upset that you don’t get to see your boyfriend as much as you wish you could.”

“I guess, yeah.” I shove half a toaster waffle in my mouth. It marginally helps. “I don’t know what to do, Pen. I can’t ask Baz to cut his hours, it’ll mess up his degree and piss off the doctors cause they’ll say he’s ‘not being dedicated’, which is a load of bollocks but it’ll happen. And it’s not like I can change when I work. There doesn’t seem to be a solution.”

Penny sighs. “I don’t know what to tell you, Si. There’s no easy way to deal with this. I think you just have to talk things out.” I groan heavily. “Yeah, I know, you hate talking. But can you think of anything else?”

“No,” I grumble. “Save for just shagging him senseless so we can both let off some nervous stress.”

“Sex doesn’t fix everything.”

“Well, no, but it would be nice to try it period.”

“You two still haven’t slept together?!” she says far too loudly. I hope Micah isn’t home. God, that would be embarrassing. “It’s been months!”

“I know,” I groan, “but we’ve both been busy and tired, especially Baz. Mostly we’ve just been snogging, which is awesome. Baz is a great kisser.”

“Too much information, Si.”

“Sorry, sorry. I like kissing, I’d just like to do...other stuff too.”

“Which is perfectly understandable, and the only way it’s going to ever happen is if you figure out where to go in your relationship. And that’s only going to happen by  talking about it and working something out that both of you can live with.”

I eat another toaster waffle. Again, helps a little, not enough. “That’s hard.”

“And necessary if you want to keep this relationship.” There’s a short pause and I try to speak before Penny interrupts me. “You definitely do want to keep it, right?”

My leg jerks so hard I nearly knock my coffee over. “Of course I do! Baz is kind and amazing and funny and brilliant and I fucking lo-”

We both go silent. I put a hand over my mouth. Holy shit, I can’t believe I almost said that. I haven’t even thought about it before, until now. (Typical, I don’t figure it out until I’m right in the middle of shit.) I mean, I’ve thought about it in a sort of abstract, future way. But not right now, not after only five months together when we spent seven years apart and an equal amount of time hating each other. Could I really be in love already?

“Shit, really?” Penny whispers. “You love him?”

I bite my nails, something I haven’t done since second year of uni. “Uh, I guess, maybe. I don’t know. It’s way too soon and I’m not exactly that experienced in love. I don’t think I can say for sure of anything...”

“Okay. What can you say for sure then?”

“Well,” I stop chewing on my nails, “I know I care about Baz. I enjoy being around him. And I really, really,  really  like him.”

“Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, I can deal with that.”

“Good, stick with that, don’t jump too far. Figure out where you two stand before you start talking about love.”

“Yeah,” I sigh, “you’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

I scoff and roll my eyes, similar to Baz. I’m picking a lot up from him, “I know, I know.” My eyes catch the clock. “Oh shit, I’ve got to go right now. If I’m late my kids are going to destroy the classroom.”

Penny snorts. “The trials of a parent of thirty two children.”

“Exactly. Talk to you later, Pen, love you.”

“Love you too, Si, bye!”

The phone clicks off, leaving me hopelessly alone with my thoughts. So, I want to be around Baz more. That’s reasonable, he’s my boyfriend. But neither of us can be around more because of our beloved jobs. I’m going to have to find some solution. But not right now because I’m going to be very, very late. I rush out the door with only the thoughts of the tube schedule on my mind.

———————————————

“Lishie, no,” I say, taking the marker from her hand, “that’s a shared class writing utensil, you can’t chew on it.”

Lishie pouts at me, blinking her big brown eyes. “But Mr. Snow,” she whines.

“None of that, please. If you must chew on something, please use your own pencil.” I lean down to look at her drawing of a castle. “This is your favourite place, huh?”

“Yeah.” She points at her lovely pink palace. “This is my Lishie only place. It keeps my brother out and shoots lasers at bad guys.”

I nod with a big smile. “Both are very important. Nice work.” I turn to Zahir. His drawing is of a beautiful shoreline with a fiery sunset. “And what place is this?”

“It’s the view from my grandparent’s house,” he chirps.

“It looks lovely, Zahir, good job.”

I stand up and check the other kids. They’re all doing wonderfully. I help where needed, handing them markers and giving colour suggestions. Luckily the kiddos are being good today. I don’t think I can handle their particular brand of tornado like insanity right now.

“Mr. Snow, look what I did!” I lean down to Harrison’s level. His picture is of himself with his two Mums holding hands under an abundance of trees.

“It’s amazing, Harry,” I say. “Where are you three in this picture?”

“We’re at the camping ground where my Mums met. They got married at the lake last year. We go there every summer break.”

“Aw, that’s very sweet.”

“Are you married, Mr. Snow?” Rosanne calls out. I hate mean nicknames. They’re a dumb bullying tactic. At the same time though, “Nosey Rosie” is occasionally apt. Not that I’d ever say that out loud, of course.

“No, I’m not married, Rose,” I say calmly.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

The kids start muttering and giggling. I sigh, shaking my head. “No, I don’t have a girlfriend either. But my love life is none of your business, munchkins.”

“A boyfriend?” Liza shouts. “My mum said you probably have a boyfriend.”

I sigh and rub my temple. Well, while her mother is correct, the beautiful and single Ms.Thorn has also made many advances on me. I suppose me being gay rationalises my kind rejections of her. I believe she needs to get over herself.

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” I hate lying to the kids, but I’m not going to talk about my relationship with them. “Again, my love life is personal.”

Thandi gasps, and leans over to Riya beside her. Her tone suggests a whisper, but her volume shows she absolutely means to be heard. “What if Mr. Snow has a  secret girlfriend or boyfriend?”

They all start chattering away with big grins on their faces. I sigh heavily. There is nothing ten year olds love more than gossiping, especially about their teachers. I’ve caught my munchkins talking about if the football coach and year 11 science teacher are together. (They aren’t. Both Coach Markova and Mr. Saadia have been married for over twenty years. Their husbands are wonderful friends.) I don’t want to become the next rumour on the playground.

“Okay, hush up all of you,” I say loudly. They all quiet down. “It’s not appropriate to discuss my personal life, so you’re going to stop right now, understand?”

“Yes, Mr. Snow,” they reply all at once in a shamed, slightly annoyed tone. It’s one I’m extremely familiar with.

“Good. Now go back to your drawings, or we’ll start the maths worksheets early.”

They all gasp, then go back to drawing. I hear whispers about normal things, like Power Rangers and Disney movies. I sigh and return to my desk, leaning back in the chair. Honestly, even if I did want to answer the kids, I wouldn’t be sure what to say. I do have a boyfriend officially, but I barely see him. Twice a week at best. It’s not his fault, he tries his best. I fuck up more than him honestly. I just wish we could be...more boyfriends? That doesn’t make sense.

My pocket buzzes and I pull out my phone. I’m not supposed to use it during class hours, but the kids are working right now, it’s fine. The text is from Baz. My pulse speeds up like it does every time. But when I open it, my heart drops instead.

Baz [13:40] Hey love. So sorry but I can’t come over tonight. Need to pick up an extra shift. I promise I’ll make it up to you ❤️

I sigh heavily, trying to suppress the disappointment and hurt. It’s not his fault, he’s doing his best. We’ll figure something out. Right?

Simon [13:41] it’s alright love we’ll find another time

Baz [13:41] ❤️

———————————————

“No, no, hold the rock like this.” Baz adjusts my grip. I love his fingers, long and elegant. If he wasn’t a doctor, I think he would make an incredible pianist.

“How does the way I hold the rock change anything?” I ask.

“It helps you get the right angle to skip it.”

I frown in confusion. “I thought the rock’s shape helped with that.”

“Both help. So,” he guides my arm back, “let’s try.”

Baz’s callused fingers caress my bare skin. I let out a shaky breath. God, I shouldn’t get this hot and bothered from Baz just touching me. I’m not some horndog, I can wait for sex. The pent up tension is just...getting to me a bit.

“Now flick it, Snow,” Baz says.

I fling the stone forward. It flies over the pond, sending ripples across the aquamarine water. The stone nearly reaches the other side before finally dropping. I’m grinning ear to ear. When I turn around, Baz is too.

“Wonderful job, love.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “I knew you could do it.”

God, I’m going to melt into a puddle. I peck his lips softly. “Thanks for showing me, love.”

He kisses me back, a bit firmer. I would snog the life out of him right now if we weren’t in the middle of Regent’s Park, apparently a popular relaxation spot for UCLH. We’re surrounded by nurses chatting, residents resting, and doctors smoking cigarettes. (Baz says doctors truly have the least regard for their own health.) We sadly pull apart and take a seat on a bench. I put my head on his strong shoulder, and he throws his arm around me.

“How were psych rounds today?” I ask.

“Awful,” he groans. “Mr. Teversham still refuses to take his medication, and Mx. Joseph is fighting therapy at every turn.”

“Hm, well, you expected this. Any ideas?”

“Mx. Joseph needs to be in therapy without  knowing they're in therapy. Mr. Teversham needs to be sedated so he can’t yell at me anymore.”

I snort. “Not sure that’s legal.”

“It’s not, but one can dream. Both probably need adjustments in their medications but that would affect serotonin levels too much at this delicate stage of treatment.”

“Mm, that sucks. Anything you could do for now?”

“More group therapy and coping techniques, I suppose. Little else we can do.”

I nod thoughtfully. Honestly, I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I try to be interested. It’s important to him so I do my best. 

He slowly strokes my hair. I lean closer to him. “How’s your work going, love?”

“It’s alright. Kids aren’t being too destructive. Oh, I’ve been working on something else though.”

Baz smiles, pulling me closer. “What’s that?”

“A new scone recipe.”

He lets out a joyous laugh, throwing his head back so far some of his gelled hair gets dislodged. I like the way a few raven strands fall in his face. “You seriously haven’t run out of new ones to try?”

I shrug. “Not yet. Maybe one day.”

“And then you’ll start making your own.”

“Probably.” I throw both arms around his torso, squeezing him tight. “I’ll give them to you to try.”

He chuckles softly. “Well, maybe. I have to stay in good shape to keep up with the other residents, and I can’t mess up what little sleep I have.”

I deflate slightly. Right, he’s gotta watch his health more than me. I should remember that. Bloody hell, I’m a terrible boyfriend. “R-Right. Well, I’ll make something else for you I guess...”

He makes a humming noise, but I can’t tell what it means. I’m horrible at non-verbal cues and unfortunately Baz is still no exception. I want to ask him about being around, about us being together, but the words get all tangled in my throat. I don’t know how to ask him without sounding like a selfish arse. 

(Maybe I am a selfish arse. Maybe I don’t deserve this, deserve him.)

(No no, Simon, stop it, stop with the self deprecation.)

(Even though he is better than me...)

I’m about to open my mouth when two clashing beeps ring out. Baz and I scramble to our phones.

“Fuck,” I groan. “Emergency staff meeting in twenty minutes. I’m gonna need to get a cab.”

“Me too,” Baz sighs. “Dr. Dehnavi wants to talk to me about a new inpatient. I suppose I should be flattered, but I’m more annoyed.”

“We’re both suffering it seems.”

“Apparently.” Baz leans over and pecks my lips. I lean forward, just slightly, asking for more that I can’t have right now. “I’ll text you later, love.”

“Yeah, me too.” We dash off in different directions. The questions I have still hang in my throat, but I put them down for now. Next time. Maybe...

———————————————

Thursday April 21

Baz [06:06] Hi, love. I’m finally done my night shift. We still on for the cafe this afternoon?

Simon [07:01] hey sorry I didn’t get this until now. unfortunately i’ve got some last minute extra tutoring to do with Sasha sorry 

Baz [07:02] It’s alright. You free Friday night?

Simon [07:02] nah got grading ☹️ gotta go to class ttyl!

Baz [07:02] Alright, talk to you later.

———————————————

Sunday April 30

Simon [17:37] hey baz can I come over tonight?

Baz [17:58] Unfortunately not. I’m on call for OBGYN all night. Lots of sitting with tiny sick babies in the NICU...

Simon [18:05] fuck that doesn’t sound fun at all ☹️

Baz [18:06] Absolutely is not. I’ll text you later okay?

Simon [18:06] Okay ❤️

———————————————

Wednesday May 8

Baz [22:24] I miss you

Simon [22:24] I miss you too

———————————————

My phone rings at lunch. Baz’s slightly smiling face looks right back at me. I took the photo one night when we were watching telly. He’s got his hair all piled up in a bun, wearing an LSE sweatshirt. He looks gorgeous, as always. I’m so entranced by the picture that I answer it just before the last ring.

“Hey,” I say. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” Baz replies, sounding extremely tired. (He’s been sounding like that more and more lately.) “How’s your day been?”

“Not too bad. Joey fired a spitball at me, but I took the straw away pretty quickly.“

“Dear Lord, you teach monsters.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Nope, just children, love. They’re naturally nightmares.”

“Don’t have to tell me, Snow, I have four younger siblings.” He sighs, and I can imagine him tilting his head back, hair falling down behind him. It’s a nice image. “Are you free next Friday?”

“Hm, let me check.” I look at my Google calendar, which is filled to the brim with multicoloured event tabs, everything from field trips to when lesson plans need to be done. (I consider the second one more a guideline than a rule.) Friday is surprisingly blank. A grin breaks out across my face. “Yeah, Friday is good. Got something in mind?”

“Well, I finally have a Friday off. So I was thinking we could dress up and go somewhere nice. Somewhere with fine food, candles, a generally romantic atmosphere. Does that sound good to you?”

I can’t help biting my bottom lip like some stupid teenager. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in person in nearly three weeks, sue me. Sure there’s been some texting and calls and Facetimes, but none of that compares to the real thing. I’ve missed how Baz’s long fingers feel between mine, or the way he cups my cheek perfectly when he kisses me. I just want to be with him. And finally we have a chance.

“That sounds very good. And uh...” I take a pause to muscle up courage to say what I really,  really  want to say. “Do you want to go to my place afterwards? And sleep over? But y’know...not sleep?” Baz snorts. My cheeks are probably bright red. I groan and rub my forehead. “Sorry, that sounded dumb. I’m an adult, I should be able to talk about sex openly.”

Baz sighs in his strangely affectionate way. “Well, we both know you’re not the best with words, Snow.”

I chuckle and shrug. “Okay, true. But the message still got across right? What I’m asking? But please don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to ask if we could try...”

“Yes, it definitely did. And I would love to try. I think six months is a long enough wait. And I’m really sorry about that.”

“Don’t blame yourself, love, we’ve both been pretty physically absent. Life has just been nuts for us.”

“Agreed. So it’ll be nice to...unwind a bit.”

My face is absolutely bright red now. A lot of inappropriate thoughts are racing through my head right now. I have to shove them down so my brain doesn’t start dribbling out my ears before I have to go back to teaching.

“I-I would like that a lot too.” And of course the first lunch bell decides to ring just then. I groan loudly. “Fuck, lunch is over. Kids will be back soon. Text you later to set up details?”

“Sounds good. Bye, darling.

“Bye, darling.”

I listen until Baz hangs up, then press my phone to my chest with a sigh. I feel so unbelievably giddy. It’s ridiculous, really, to be this excited about a dinner and (possible) sex. But for some reason, my chest is so full it's about to explode. I want to run around the room, shouting to the heavens that I’m going on a lovely, romantic date with Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

Fuck, maybe I really am love. That’s a terrifying, wonderful thought.

———————————————

“Does my hair look alright?” I tousle it to the left, then to the right, then to the left again. Penny sighs and shakes her head on my screen.

“It looks fine either way. But if you don’t decide soon, you’re going to be late!”

I groan and tighten my tie, trying to see myself in my tiny image in the corner. “I know, I know, I just want this to be perfect.”

“Nothing can be perfect, Si.”

“Yeah, but I can try.” I sigh, buttoning my grey suit jacket. This is the one nice suit I own, and I took great precautions to keep it from getting wrinkled on my way to work. “So much hasn’t gone right or easily in our relationship. I want one thing to not go down the drain.”

Penny nods thoughtfully. “Understandable. Just also be realistic.”

“Yes, I will.” I check my watch (a graduation gift from Penny that goes really well with my suit) and inhale sharply. “Shit, I really do have to go. Bye, Pen!”

She waves with a big, toothy smile. “Bye, Si, good luck!”

“Thank you!”

We press the red button at the same time. I tuck my phone into my jacket, then do a last cursory look at myself. No wrinkles? Check. Dashingly messy hair? Check. “Supplies” for later waiting in my bedside table at home? Absolutely check. Awesome. I’m so bloody excited I could seriously start flying right now.

“M-Mr. Snow?”

My head head whips around at the small, familiar voice. It’s Jeremy, with his wavy brown hair and little freckles. He’s sniffling, wiping his nose and blood shot eyes. I immediately rush forward and get on my knees in front of him.

“Jeremy? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He makes a big sniff, more tears falling down his cheeks. “M-My dad was supposed to pick me up outside, but he never came! And Ms. Reinhart tried to call my mum and she’s not answering and I don’t know what to do!”

He breaks out into another sob. He wraps his little arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder. I pat his back, trying to comfort as best I can. Poor kid. I’m unfortunately aware of what Jeremy’s parents are like. This isn’t out of character for them. His dad’s probably off with his college age mistress and his mum is partying late with her friends. From what I know, Jeremy was an accidental teen pregnancy, and now his parents hate each other and resent Jeremy for “ruining” their young lives. (Baz would say something about emotional stunting and projecting and shit.) This is the first time they’ve truly abandoned him though. Poor, poor kid.

“Is there anyone you trust who could come get you?” I ask quietly.

“My aunt,” he sniffles. “But she’s super far away.”

“Okay, where does she live?”

“L-Luton, I think.”

Fuck, he’s not exaggerating. Luton is an hour away on a good day, and it’s the middle of London rush hour. His parents may be able get here before her, but she’s probably much more stable than both of them put together.

“Alright. Do you know her number?”

Jeremy nods and moves off my shoulder. He pulls out a cheap flip phone. One of his parents probably gave it to him for emergencies. That’s one good decision on their part. He then hands it to me. The contact is listed as “Auntie Caroline.” I stand up and press dial, Jeremy still clinging to my leg. It only rings twice before it’s picked up.

“Jeremy?” a seemingly female voice says, sounding utterly frantic. “Are you okay, love?”

“Hi,” I say, “I’m Simon Snow, Jeremy’s teacher. Don’t worry, he’s here with me, he’s safe.”

She lets out a very deep sigh. “Oh thank god. Is there something wrong?”

“Unfortunately, yes. His father was supposed to pick him up but hasn’t shown, and his mother isn’t answering her calls.”

“Those bastards,” she growls. “My brother and his good for nothing wife have already put him through hell, but this just takes the bloody cake!”

“Believe me, I agree with you. Considering our shared opinion, I was hoping you could come pick him up? I know it’s a lot to ask this late and you’re all the way in Luton but-”

“Don't have to ask me twice. I’ll be there as soon as I can. But it’s going to take me an hour, maybe two.”

I think about Baz, about everything we have planned, about every missed connection these past few weeks. But then I look down at Jeremy, who has the most tragic expression I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. I sigh heavily, then put the phone back to my ear.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with him at school until you come. Let me give you the address.”

I rattle off the school’s address, my room number, and the best route to get here. She listens raptly, obviously scribbling it all down.

“Alright, got it. Thank you, Mr. Snow, this means so much to me.”

“No problem, see you soon.”

The line clicks off. I get back down in front of Jeremy. “Your aunt is going to be here soon, Jer. Until then, we’re gonna stay here and sit tight. Okay?”

Jeremy nods, wiping away more snot. “O-Okay.”

“Awesome. How about you go sit in the reading corner and I’ll join you in just a sec.”

“Okay.” He throws himself at me, hugging me tight. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”

I smile and pat his head. “You’re very welcome, Jeremy. Now go read and get your mind off all this.”

He pulls away and runs over to the reading nook, throwing himself into the neon pink bean bag chair. He grabs a Harry Potter book. Good pick, it’s something he’s familiar with. Though I hate to think how much he relates to the way Harry grew up.

I go to my desk on the other side of the room and take my phone out. Baz’s beautiful contact picture stares back at me, and my heart twists painfully. I hate this situation. I hate that I’m doing this again after nearly three bloody weeks of no physical contact. I can only hope he can understand. And forgive me. The other end rings three times. 

“Hey.” Baz’s honey sweet voice is both comforting and painful right now.

“Hey,” I sigh.

“Oh no, that’s not a good ‘hey,’ is it?”

“No, unfortunately, it’s not.” I run a hand through my hair. “Remember Jeremy? One of my kids?”

“Yes, the one with the arsehole parents.”

“Yeah, that’s him. And tonight his parents have really taken the cake. Dad was supposed to be here but is probably off shagging his barely legal mistress, and mum is probably out clubbing and not picking up either.”

“Bloody hell, what a nightmare.”

“Exactly.” I slump into my chair, tugging my tie loose. “His aunt’s coming to pick him up, but...she lives in Luton...”

It’s Baz’s turn to sigh deeply. “And you’re going to have to stay with him until she gets there.”

God, I'm such an arsehole, and a predictable one at that. “I’m so, so sorry, Baz. I really wanted to go out tonight, and I know you don’t get many days off. This is such an out of the blue thing and I can’t just leave him. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“It’s alright, Snow, I understand. I’ll hold you to that promise, okay?”

“Please do. I’ll text you later, yeah?”

“That’s good. Bye, love.” The tinge of sadness in Baz’s voice fucking kills me.

“Bye, darling.”

He hangs up, and I hang my head with a quiet groan. I’m such a dickhead. I could’ve left Jeremy with Ms. Reinhart and went on my date, but I know she has a sick mother at home that she takes care of. Then I would have ruined the date by feeling all guilty and shit. I hate that this is probably the best choice.

“Mr. Snow?” I turn to Jeremy. He’s looking at me with a furrowed brow and pout. “Are you okay?”

I shove all my guilt and worry deep down, and put a big smile on my face. “Yeah, I’m good, Jer. Now how about you read some Harry Potter to me? I’d love to hear it.”

A grin breaks out on his face. “Okay.”

I leave my jacket and tie on my desk and stride over to him. I sit in the beanbag next to him. (Of course I didn’t get these things just for the kids.) Jeremy opens the book to his page.

“Chapter 12,” he starts with gusto

And I sit there listening to him for God knows how long. I laugh, make comments, correct his pronunciation when needed. I'm still a teacher after all. Then when the chapter is done, we watch silly animal videos on my laptop. I make sure Jeremy is happy. He deserves that after all of this. He needs to feel safe. I just wish it wasn’t at the sacrifice of Baz getting stood up,  again. God, am I ever going to get to see my boyfriend again? Is the universe ever going to let us have a moment together? I can’t really blame the universe though, I guess. This was my choice. I’m awful. Baz doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him, honestly.

Soon enough, a middle aged woman with long pink and purple hair sticks her head through the door at the other side of the room. “Hello?”

Jeremy grins and drops the book immediately. “Auntie Caroline!”

Caroline grins and catches Jeremy right in her arms, holding him up high. I walk to them but keep a good distance. “Hey munchkin, good to see you. You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Snow stayed with me. We watched kittens!”

“That sounds awesome.” Caroline turns to me. “Thank you so much, Mr. Snow. Is there any way I can repay you?”

I wave my hand. “Don’t worry, no payment is needed. Just glad Jeremy has somewhere to go.

Her face falls slightly. She puts Jeremy down, touching his head. “Can you go get all your stuff, dear?”

“Okay!” Jeremy races off to the cubby area at ten year old speed. It’s a unique phenomenon. Caroline looks at me with a very serious expression.

“Here’s the thing,” she says in a hushed tone, “I’ve been trying to build a custody case for months, but I haven’t been able to get concrete proof of abuse and neglect. This changes things. If my lawyer needs you to, could you please testify at the custody hearing? I know it’s a lot to ask. You’ve already done so much, so if you can’t, I understand-”

“Say no more.” I take a sticky note from my desk and write out my mobile number. “Here. Tell your lawyer they’re free to call me. I’ll do anything to help Jeremy get somewhere safe.”

She sighs and takes the note. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”

“Please, call me Simon. Only my students have to use my last name so I can pretend I have their respect.”

She chuckles. “Okay, Simon. It’s no wonder Jeremy says you’re his favourite teacher.”

Well, I don’t need an ego stroke (at least that’s what I tell myself), but...it’s nice. I nod with a humble smile. “Good to know.”

Jeremy runs up, wearing his bright red power rangers backpack. “Ready.”

“Awesome. Say goodbye to Mr. Snow.”

Jeremy gives me a big, full arm wave. “Bye bye, Mr. Snow.”

I tousle his hair, making him giggle. “Bye, Jeremy. See you Monday.”

“See you!” He grabs Caroline’s hand and literally skips away with her. Honestly, I’ve never seen him this happy outside of class. He usually hangs his head and slumps off after hanging around in the cubby area for as long as possible. I know the patter well. It's what I used to do before I went to Watford, when I was stuck in shitty group homes. I hope Caroline gets custody. Jeremy deserves to be happy.

Slowly but surely, I collect all my stuff, from my snot covered jacket to my book bag. I look at my phone, and see a few texts from Baz.

Baz [16:56] Hey, just wanted to reassure you that I’m not upset, I understand. I’ll get another day off eventually.

Baz [18:30] I’ve got some takeout, it’s lovely. I’ll save some for you the next time you come over ❤️

Baz [19:18] I’m going to bed soon. Hope Jeremy gets to his aunt’s safe. Good night, love.

I sigh, my heart feeling like a lead balloon. I absolutely need to make this up to him. I’ll figure something out when my brain isn’t so exhausted. For now, I can at least text him back.

Simon [19:23] Sleep well, love. I’ll talk to you in the morning ❤️

Baz doesn’t reply. He’s probably asleep. Probably...

I walk home with my shoulders slumped and feeling like an utter, utter twat.

———————————————

“I’m a dick,” I groan.

“You’re not a dick,” Penny says. “You did the right thing and kept a student safe. That makes you an incredible teacher.”

“And a crap boyfriend.” I throw my cookie dough on the counter a little too hard. It makes an awful splat noise.

“Well, maybe, but Baz has bailed because of his work as well. And he said he understood.”

I grumble as I roll out little balls between my hands. Baking always helps me calm down. Well, usually. Right now I’m close to crushing each one. “Yeah, I guess, but I still feel super bad.”

“Well, take him out on his next day off.”

“Yeah,” I chuckle darkly, “that’ll probably be in about two or three months.”

Penny sighs, sounding just as defeated as I feel. “That fucking sucks. I can’t believe his schedule is really that insane.”

“He works himself to the bone, because he’s a great doctor and he’s going to be a great psychiatrist. It just means we don’t get a lot of time together, but it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine. Both of you need to carve out more time for each other. You’re not the only one who is having issues, Si.”

“Yeah, but like, he can’t help but work more. Being a doctor is more demanding than being a teacher. He doesn’t have control of his hours.”

“Neither do you!” She’s practically yelling. “Being a good teacher means going above and beyond for your students. Therefore, you  have to put in extra hours if you want your students to have a great education.”

I make a semi agreement noise. My non-verbal way of saying she may have a point but I don’t like it. “Okay, maybe. But Baz doesn’t deserve to be neglected because of it.”

“Of course he doesn’t, Si, which is why you have to make time for him. And he has to do the same for you if you want this relationship to work.”

“I know you’re right, Pen, I just don’t know how.”

There’s a small pause, and I can imagine Pen stroking her chin like the old scholar she is in spirit. It’s comforting to think of. Penny thinking was a staple of the best parts of my childhood.

“What time is it where you are?” she asks.

I look down at my watch. “Uh, about 11?”

“Good. Finish what you’re baking, bring it to the hospital, surprise Baz with home baked treats. Then see if you can get Baz to go to lunch with you. If not, at least give him something to eat during his insane shift. Try to talk to him or ask him to talk about all this later. Sound doable?”

I’m grinning so wide it threatens to dislodge my earbuds. “Yeah, definitely sounds doable. Thanks, Pen.”

“No problem. Si. Now can I run this new lesson plan by you?”

“Absolutely, go ahead.”

Penny starts rattling off her curriculum points while I throw the cookies in the oven. And for the first time today, I feel good. I feel hopeful. It’s nice. I’ve missed it.

———————————————

UCLH is a towering, intimidating giant of white metal and panes of glass. It’s hard to not feel freaked out looking at it. Anytime I went to the hospital as a kid it was because of a fight at the group home or injuries from particularly awful foster parents. There was never a good reason to be here. Until now, that is.

From what I remember, Baz said he would be on psychiatry today. Problem is, I have no idea where the fuck that is. I can barely navigate my tiny school. This is an entirely different, far more sterile beast. I walk to the front desk where a man with big round glasses and very cool arm tattoos is sitting.

“Hi,” I say cheerily as possible.

“Hello,” he replies with a perfect, pearly white smile and a thick American accent. “How can I help you today?”

“Uh, I’m looking for the psychiatry wing? Specifically for Dr. Grimm-Pitch.”

“Okay. Are you a patient...?

“No, no, I’m his boyfriend. Got some stuff to drop off for him if he’s not too busy.” I hold up the Christmas tupperware filled with raspberry and white chocolate chip cookies. They’re Baz’s favourite.

The man’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, you’re Basil’s boyfriend?”

“Yeah, last time I checked,” I chuckle.

“Wow. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Shepard, from Omaha, Nebraska.” 

He holds out his hand, and I of course shake it. “Nice to meet you, Shepard from Omaha, Nebraska. I’m Simon, from uh, Lancashire, I guess.”

“Good too meet you too, man.” He leans his cheek on his hand. “Y’know, Basil has mentioned you exist a couple times, but won’t say anything else no matter how much I beg him.”

I shrug with a smile. “He’s a private person.”

“Yeah, but if I were dating you, I’d be bragging about it.”

Well, now my face must look utterly ridiculous. I’m twenty five years old and blushing from one compliment. “T-Thanks, wow. You’re pretty forward.”

He throws his head back laughing. “Nah, just blunt, man. And way too nosy, at least according to your boyfriend. Says I have some sort of anxiety fueled need to overshare and figure out everything about people."

"That...sounds odd."

Shepard shrugs. "Pretty sure it's made up. Besides, I already have two therapists. Don't need a third one." He laughs, and I laugh along with him. Thought part of me is truly concerned about him. Hope he's okay, he seems nice. "Anyway, I hope Basil is less intense outside of work than here.”

“Most of the time, yeah. He’s got his softer side, just has trouble showing it.”

“Believe it when I see it. Also,” he hands me a pamphlet, “psychiatry is on the fifth floor. Take the south elevator up and turn to the right. Basil should be at the front desk. Said he had patient files to sort all day.”

“Awesome, thanks.” I take out a cookie and hold it out to him. “Here, you can have this, unless you’re allergic to berries, gluten, or dairy.”

“Nope. I will happily take that.” He plucks it from my hand. “Thanks, man. Tell Basil I say hi, and I still have his pen.”

“Will do, thanks!”

He waves me off with half the cookie already in his mouth. Interesting guy. I may have to come back to talk to him more.

I follow Shepard’s instructions as best I can. Though I get lost trying to find the elevators,  twice. The halls twist and turn and loop back in on themselves. Seriously, who designed this hospital, Willy Wonka? Eventually I finally make it to the elevators and suffer in the sanitizer smelling tube for five floors. The psychiatry floor itself isn’t too bad, just kind of bland. Lots of blank grey walls and inoffensive paintings of scenic nature. And it’s pretty straight forward compared to the first floor. I just have to walk down the hall, turn at the “front desk” sign, and there will be-

I freeze in place. There’s Baz, with some redheaded guy leaning on his desk.

“Come on, Basil, you can’t be serious,” he says in a smooth, beautiful voice. “I’d totally shag Dr. Mayer over Dr. Dehnavi. Mayer has such polished charm.”

“Hm, I prefer a more ruggish look,” Baz replies with a half smile. “And Dehnavi gets that wonderful five o’clock shadow after a day of rounds.”

“True, very true. Not so hot when he’s yelling about oral board prep.”

Baz lets out a laugh, shaking his head. Wisps of black hair fall in his face. He looks at the redhead with a sly smile. “Well, I haven’t gotten to that point yet. But I do get an earful about SSRI dosage levels.”

“Oh lord, you’re giving me baby doctor flashbacks, stop. I’m scared Dr. D is going to be on the other side to yell our asses into submission.” 

They laugh together, and redhead moves closer to Baz, their hands nearly touching. My heart drops to the ground and burrows into the centre of the fucking Earth.

Baz looks at ease, content, and most of all, this guy seems to understand what the hell he’s talking about. Definitely more than I ever have. And he’s super bloody attractive. And he’s there, like I haven’t been. Fuck. Deep down, I thought this was going to happen, but it’s still ripping me apart. Baz has found someone better. I’m just the stupid poor orphaned kid he had a crush on in school. Now he’s gotten those old feelings out of his system and he’s found someone, another doctor no less, who can easily be a better boyfriend. Bloody hell, I’m about to cry. I need to go, right now.

I quietly and quickly get away. Going back through the hospital is a blur. And not just because my eyes are filled with tears and fogging up my glasses. My brain is a jumbled, heartbroken mess that can’t focus on anything. I think Shepard waves at me as I walk past but I can’t bring myself to respond right now. I don’t stop moving until I throw myself into my car, tossing the cookies on the front seat.

Finally, I have to stop. And worse I have to think. So, Baz has found a new guy. Some pretty red haired doctor who makes him laugh with doctor humour and probably doesn’t bail. He’s probably going to break up with me today. I should just break up with him, save him the hassle...

I’m gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are white. My cheeks are raw from wiping tears away. I think about losing Baz, losing a chance to make things better, and it's the worst pain I've ever felt. A small part of me thought that maybe Baz was it. That he was the person I could actually, possibly spend the rest of my life with. Maybe it was a stupid thought. I was so stupid.

My head falls forward, forehead pressed against the wheel. And I just cry.

———————————————

I’ve called in sick for a week. I’ve never called in for that long, not once in my teaching career. But I can’t get off my couch, let alone leave my flat. I’ve been laying here for days, surrounded by takeaway wrappers, watching old Dr. Who episodes, cuddling Cherry nonstop. Penny is probably worried about me but I haven’t really been using my phone. I’ve tried to call Baz a few times, but always hang up before it starts dialing. I know I should just rip off the band-aid already. But I’m a coward, I guess. I’ll just lay here, waiting for Baz to call me and finally dump me. Every time I think about it, I still cry a little.

The phone rings and my heart gets so tight I can hardly breathe. Fuck, this is it. I slowly lift it up. But it’s not Baz’s photo I see, or Penny’s. Rather, it’s Agatha’s, grinning with her soft California tan. I press talk right away.

“Hello?” I say

“Oh thank god,” Agatha sighs, “you’re alive. We were all sure you’d been in a horrible accident or something!”

“Um, no, I’m fine, just a little under the weather.”

“Then why haven’t you been answering your fucking texts, you arse?!”

I move the phone away from my ear slightly to avoid hearing loss. “I told you, I’ve been sick. Haven’t felt like responding...”

“Okay, that excuse could work on Baz or even Penny, but I’m not buying it. Cut the crap, Simon, what’s wrong?”

I sigh, running a hand over my face. Well, she’s here, and I’m too tired to make up another lie. “Baz is breaking up with me.”

“What?!” I move the phone again. Agatha is going to make me go partially deaf in one phone call. “That dickhead! I- Wait, what do you mean is?”

“Well, uh...he hasn’t dumped me yet...”

Agatha takes a pause. I can imagine her expression right now. Probably a lot of confusion mixed with disbelief. “Okay, please explain this to me, because I’m so lost.”

I sit up, scratching the back of my neck. “Well, um, Baz and I have been having issues meeting up for the past month. Things kept happening. Baz had this wonderful date planned after three weeks of not seeing each other. But then a kid from my class needed someone to stay with him because his stupid parents wouldn’t show up and we had to wait for someone else. So I cancelled and Baz said he understood but I still felt awful. Then the next day I was going to bring him cookies to say sorry, but when I got there, I saw him chatting with this redhead doctor. And I realised Baz had found someone better. Hoped it wouldn't happen but yeah, he’s going to break up with me. Just waiting for him to call or come over. I’d do it myself but I’m too much of a wimp.”

There’s a long drawn out silence. The only sounds are the California waves on Aggie’s end and Cherry meowing for attention on mine. More than ever, I wish I was a mind reader. I want to know what’s going through her head. It’s probably less muddled than mine.

“Simon,” she says slowly, “I need you to know that I’m only saying this because I love you very, very much. This all comes from a place of caring.”

“Uh...okay?” Now I really need to know what’s in her head. But I think I’m about to find out.

Agatha takes a few deep breaths, and then, well...explodes. “You absolute, goddamn fucking numpty! You’re seriously throwing away objectively the best relationship you’ve ever had because you saw him chit chatting with some redheaded twat!? For Christ’s sake, Simon, this is beyond idiotic and self destructive!”

“Hey I-”

“Shush, Simon!” I shut my mouth. “I get you have some serious self esteem issues, Si, but what happened to acknowledging and dealing with them? You are not a warm body for Baz until he finds someone ‘better.’ He’s been pining after you since bloody Watford and being with you is his dream come true. I know because he’s told me so!”

My cheeks flush a little. “R-Really?”

“Yes, really! He adores you, Si, he thinks you hung the bloody moon. In no world would he just up and dump you!”

“I-I mean, yeah, but like, I’ve been an awful boyfriend lately. I wouldn’t blame him if he did...”

“You really think Basilton Pitch, king of overthinking and future psychiatrist, would dump you without first trying to talk?”

“Um, well, I can see your point.”

“Good. I promise you, Simon, he doesn’t want to break up with you. But if you don’t talk to him soon, it may be too late. So get your arse in gear and get your guy. Or I’ll come from all the way across a continent and an ocean just to smack you upside the head.”

I chuckle softly. Huh, this is the first time that’s happened in awhile. Feels good to laugh. “Okay, will do. Thank you, Ags.”

“You’re very welcome, Si. Please send me an update later so I know you’re okay? And Penny too so she doesn’t blow a gasket.”

“I promise. Talk to you later?”

“Talk to you later, Simon. Bye.”

“Bye.”

The second my phone is off, I jump up. I’m invigorated with new energy, both happy and terrified. I may have just ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me because I’m insecure as fuck. I’ve got to fix it. Before it’s too late.

I pick up all the takeaway containers at lightning speed. They don’t all fit into my trash though (God that’s sad), so I have to get a new trash bag. At least I don’t have a depression nest anymore. That’s a good start. Next step, I run to the shower. I smell fucking ripe. No way I can apologize while smelling like the bottom of a McDonald’s dumpster. Thank every god that I still have some hot water left. I scrub quickly and furiously until I stop feeling so gross.

I jump out and go to my room. Unfortunately, I haven’t done my laundry in a week either. The only things I have are a baggy pair of jeans and one of Baz’s shirts. It’s soft cream with flower buds on it. For all his dark brooding, Baz has a thing for florals. It smells like him, cedar and bergamot with a hint of hospital antiseptic. I put it on.

I’m halfway through the buttons when I hear my door open and close. What the fuck? Who’s here? Who has a key?

“Snow?” Baz’s voice calls out. “Simon, are you here?”

Oh. Oh shit. I dash out of my room, shirt still half open. I even slide on my laminate floor like a cartoon character. Baz is standing in my entryway. And he looks like a total mess. His hair is disheveled, there are huge dark circles under his eyes, and he’s got close to an actual honest to god beard. We just stare at each other way too long. Until I can find my words again.

“Baz,” I stutter. “Hi. W-What are you-”

“Oh thank god.” He runs forward and throws his arms around me in the tightest hug I’ve ever felt. “You’re alive. I thought you were dead or in a coma or-” He pulls back. His eyebrows are all scrunched up. “Is that my shirt?”

My face starts to heat up. “Um, uh, yeah. Didn’t have anything else. I was going to see you. What are you doing here? Are you okay?”

He scoffs, but it’s with a smile. “No, not really, I’ve been worried sick all week. You weren’t answering my texts or Bunce’s. I was scared shitless. I came here because it was my last resort.” He pushes back my hair, rubbing his thumbs along my temple. It’s downright tender. “I’m just so glad you’re okay.” His hands move to my shoulders. “Where did you go?”

“I, uh-” I hang my head. “I-I did something dumb. And I got super sad and I didn’t know what to do. So I was just here a lot...”

His eyes grow wide. “You were here at your apartment? All week?”

“Um, yeah...”

He steps back and blinks. His face is just blank, and honestly it’s more freaky than him panicking. “You’ve been home alone all week, and didn’t tell me?” I nod slowly. That blank face suddenly morphs into unbridled anger. “What the fuck, Snow?! You couldn’t take two seconds to text me back to let me know you’re bloody alive?!”

“I-I didn’t know you texted.”

“Check your phone!”

I scramble over to my couch and scoop up my phone. I haven’t looked at my notifications out of fear. Oh...oh fuck. 53 missed text messages, and 42 are from Baz. My stomach feels like it’s full of rocks. I really am the worst.

“Oh god,” I say, voice very strained. “I’m so sorry, Baz, I was just so caught up in my shit, I wasn’t checking my phone-”

“Obviously.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. “Why did you come to my work?”

My eyes go very wide and my body becomes very stiff. “Wait, you saw me there?”

“No, but Shepard came to talk to me the next day. He asked if my boyfriend was alright because he ran out looking upset. I was surprised he knew who my boyfriend was, and even more so that you were there. So why were you at UCLH and talk to me?”

“Uh, I wanted to talk to you and say sorry for standing you up. B-But when I came, you were um, talking to this guy...” I curl in myself, rubbing my arm. “And I freaked out because I thought after I fucked up the date you’d found someone better and...were going to dump me.”

I look up, and Baz’s jaw is wide open. He drags his hands down his face. “Oh my god, Simon,” he groans, “after all the time we’ve spent together, I can’t believe you still think that low of me.”

“N-No! I don’t!”

“You thought I would dump you after six months together because of a cancelled date? Which you cancelled to help a neglected child?! I’m not a monster, Snow, I’d never do that.”

“Y-Yeah, I know, Baz. It’s just...” I rub the back of my neck. “When I saw you with him, it made all this shit come up and I totally panicked-”

“I understand that, Simon. But it was one conversation with another guy! Why did you ghost me instead of just talking?”

He sounds less angry, more desperate than anything. But it makes me feel even worse. “Because...because I got scared and anxious and I hated seeing it so much...yeah.”

Baz’s mouth is a thin line. “That’s not a real answer, Snow. Why on Earth did you think the worst of me instead of trying to talk?”

“It’s not about you!” I shout desperately. All the words are so muddled up, I can’t get them out. It’s not Baz’s fault, my brain is just being so unhelpful right now. I wasn’t ready for this talk, fuck.

“What does that mean? You stopped talking to me because you thought I was bloody cheating on you! How is this not about me in some capacity?!”

“I didn’t think you were cheating! I just- I thought- I just got so freaked out because I didn’t want to lose you-”

“You weren’t going to lose me!”

“But I thought I was and that scared me so much because I- well, I-”

“Because what, Snow?!”

“Because I love you, you massive arsehole!”

The room goes absolutely, perfectly silent. Baz’s lips have fallen wide open. I inhale sharply. Oh God, did I really just say that out loud? I clap a hand over my mouth and look down, trying to get my breathing under control. I can’t believe I just did that. I’m such an idiot. Baz is going to dump me for sure. Adores me or not, I’ve probably scared him off. My hand falls down.

“I’m so sorry, Baz,” I say softly. “I-I didn’t mean to say that. It just came out-”

“Did you mean it?” I lift my eyes up slightly. I expect Baz to look horrified, angry, maybe even disgusted. But instead he looks...kind of awestruck? His eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen them before. I think about lying, but I don’t think he’s upset. And I have a feeling that if I lie he will be. I think I need to stop hiding my feelings from Baz.

“Yeah. I did.”

His lips fall open even more. And I swear, he’s smiling a little. My heart is beating faster. “Seriously? You...you love me?  In love with me?”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down my racing mind. I nod and take a small step forward. Not crowding Baz, but getting closer. “Yeah. I'm in love with you, Baz. I-I know it’s too soon, but I can’t help-”

Baz cuts me off with the most intense, head spinning, world shaking kiss of my life. He presses the small of my back with one hand and grabs my curls with the other. I literally stumble backwards from it. Baz takes the chance to press me against my hallway wall. Like he’s shielding from the world with his own body. He’s kissing me so hard, so passionately, and I can’t help but melt. 

Is this Baz’s way of saying he loves me too? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t care. This is heavenly to the Nth degree. I’m good at turning off my brain when needed. So that’s exactly what I do.

I push back against Baz with equal force. He groans so deeply it makes me shudder. I grip his face tight, pushing my fingers through his tangled but still soft hair. He drags his tongue along my bottom teeth, slowly and carefully. I nearly melt into a puddle. We’ve never kissed like this before. Even our most intense snogging sections don’t come close. It’s like Baz is trying to touch and grab every part of me but can’t decide which. I don’t mind. He can have it. I’d give him all that I am and more. I’d tie our hearts together, chamber by chamber.

Baz runs his hands down my thigh. I can feel the heat through my trackies. He hooks under one of my knees, pulling it up. I think I get the message. (I hope). I jump, fully prepared to fall flat on my arse, but Baz catches me easily. I wrap my legs around his waist while he holds me up above him. Christ, he’s strong. It’s so hot. And I love this angle, because I can snog the life out of him more easily. This is amazing. But I still want more.

I pull off his mouth (sadly), just enough so I can speak. “Bed?”

Baz just nods and kisses me again. He pulls us off the wall. He barely stumbles as he walks us through my flat. I scramble to unbutton his shirt. I know Baz is really into this because he’s making no fuss about me possibly ruining his clothes. Soon enough, we stumble into my bedroom. Baz quickly kicks the door shut, cutting off the rest of the world, and I don’t mind one bit.

———————————————

Baz and I roll apart solely because we need to breathe. Our chests are heaving. My blankets and sheets are completely tangled around us. I’m more sweaty than the one time I tried to go to a cross fit class. However, this was a way better workout. I’m glad I kept all those supplies in my nightstand.

So, now I know what sex with Baz is like. It’s sweaty, vigorous, a little awkward, and so,  so  incredible. Pretty sure my brains have been thoroughly fucked out. It takes me a few panting moments for me to muster up a singular word.

“Wow,” I say. My voice is really hoarse, but I absolutely don’t mind.

Baz lets out a small laugh. His voice sounds rough too. It’s really hot. “Still very eloquent.”

“Fuck off.” I lightly push his sweaty shoulder. But when I start to pull back, Baz grabs my wrist and tugs me towards him. Before I know it, Baz is kissing me again. It’s soft, slow but so unbelievably hot. I completely melt into his arms. He’s so warm and strong and I could spend an eternity wrapped up in him. No more work or life, just Baz and I in this bed forever. My god that would be a dream come true.

He pulls off to kiss across my cheeks, then down my neck. He already knows the exact spots that drive me insane. (Well, Baz has always been a quick study.) My eyes flutter closed. I’m falling into that haze again, where my head gets foggy and I can only think in “yes” and “please” and  “more.” Part of me wants to sink back into that bliss, but the aching of my out of shape muscles is unfortunately more insistent.

“Baz,” I whisper, “as much as I would like a fourth round, I’d also like to be able to walk tomorrow.”

Baz groans, but relents and rolls onto his back. We settle for just staring at each other. I don’t mind. Baz is always gorgeous but he is a different kind of beautiful right now. His face is all flushed, pupils blown wide, black hair plastered to his damp forehead. And I thought I couldn’t get more attracted to him.

“You alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, absolutely.” I cup his face, running a thumb on his cheekbone. “You?”

“I’m bloody fantastic.” He spreads his fingers out on my side, tracing the most delicate patterns that make me shudder. “Can’t believe I was so scared of this.”

My heart beats faster as my eyebrows scrunch up. “Scared? Of what?  Me? I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize, Snow. I wasn’t scared of you, not at all.” He sighs and pulls me a little bit closer. “I just built up sex with you so much in my head that it became overwhelming. I was terrified of fucking it up after wanting it for so long.”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it from the start too. Six months of sexual tension really mess with your head.”

He chuckles. I like the way his breath hits my skin. “Simon, love, I first fantasised about sleeping with you when we were 15.”

I was already flushed, but now I’m on fire. It’s a miracle I’m not a pile of ash right now. I flap my mouth open and closed like a fish for too long. Baz just smiles at me like I’m beautiful or something, not a total deer in the headlights.

“R-Really?” I finally get out. “That long?!”

“Mhm. I told you, Snow, I figured out I wanted you in fifth year. Puberty was a bloody nightmare with you right across the room.” We laugh quietly together. But I genuinely feel bad for Baz. I hold the back of his head, running my fingers through his soft hair.

“I’m sorry you went through that, love. Must’ve been awful.”

Baz sighs, putting his hand on mine. “Thank you. At least things worked out in the end." He pecks the tips of my fingers. "I’m glad we finally did this. Real life was far better than any fantasy.”

I kiss the corner of his smile. He giggles, so small and adorable, something I never would’ve thought Baz was capable of until six months ago. I’m so happy. And my heart sinks, thinking about how this was almost over because I was so insecure.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, and Baz’s face becomes much more serious. “I-I’m sorry that I vanished without telling you. That was immature and dumb. And I’m sorry for scaring you. I promise I won’t ever do that again.”

Baz nods slowly, mouth twisting from side to side. He brings our hands between us, holding me tight. “I accept your apology. Just, what happened, love? I’m still not sure what you meant.”

Well, I knew this was coming. Doesn’t make it any easier. I clutch him hard, like I’m scared he’ll go. But if the last hour or two means anything, I don’t think he will. Still, I hold him tight.

“That’s a long story,” I sigh.

Baz presses his lips to the back of my hand. It’s firm and comforting. “You can tell me. It’s okay.”

I carefully roll onto my back. Baz goes onto his side, propping his head up with his free arm. We keep our hands together. I really can’t let go of him right now.

“I meant it when I said it wasn’t about you,” I say. “It’s really not. I don’t think you’re a terrible person who would dump or cheat on me. It’s more that...that I was scared and felt worthless. Part of me has always felt worthless, unlovable. Sometimes my brain is like ‘your own parents didn’t want you, why would anyone else?’”

“Simon-”

“You don’t need to tell me it’s not true, Baz, I know. Most of me does, anyway. But sometimes that mean voice gets louder, and it’s been louder lately. Not because of you, not really. It’s because I think you’re incredible and brilliant and that mean voice kept telling me ‘why the hell is he with you? He’s way too good for you. He’ll find someone better.’ And after weeks of missed dates and the whole dinner fiasco, it got worse. Then when I saw you with the other doctor I guess the anxiety just took over. And I just sort of shut down.”

Baz moves closer. “I’m sorry, that’s horrible.”

“Thanks.” I sigh and run a hand through my tangled hair, like I’m trying to pull the stress out of myself. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this. I didn’t want to dump all my shit on you. It’s a lot to deal with and I should deal with it on my own, not pull you in.”

“Simon,” Baz says firmly, holding himself above me, “you can absolutely pull me into your shit. I want to know everything you’re worried and scared about, so I can be there to help if you want. You never have to hide anything because I love every single part of you, no matter how insecure or sad.”

I stare at him for too long. My heartbeat is roaring in my ears. Slowly, a smile stretches out across my face. “You love me?”

Baz’s face pulls together in confusion, and for a moment I’m scared he’s going to take it back, because I’m not worth it. But then I push that fear down because Baz cares about me. He’s shown that again and again. I'm not unworthy of his love.

“Did I not say it?” he says, genuinely surprised and concerned.

“I mean, maybe, but things were a bit...chaotic before.” My eyes flick over to our rumpled clothing strewn across my room. It honestly looks like a tornado somehow hit both a Primark and a Topshop. Baz laughs with a nod.

“Okay, good point. Let me correct that then.” He delicately holds my chin, making sure our eyes meet. Black hair surrounds his face like a dark halo. His deep sea eyes sparkle with his gorgeous smile. Everything about him is absolutely stunning. “I love you, Simon Snow. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, because you are the most kind, most caring, most wonderful man I’ve ever known. You are not a holding place or my second choice. Got that?”

I nod very vigorously. I can’t speak right now, my throat is too filled up with all my emotions for words. I wipe my snot and tears with the back of my hand. Extremely unsexy. God I’m a mess. But Baz still looks at me like I’m the most gorgeous thing in the world, because he loves me, imperfections and all. 

“Don’t cry, love,” Baz chuckles, “it’s okay.”

“Just overwhelmed,” I say, still sniffling, “and happy. I love you too.”

Baz kisses my forehead.  “I know, and I’m very happy as well.” He tucks his head into the crook of my neck. “Not to get all psychiatrist, but these issues of hidden insecurities and fear we both have are going to reoccur if we don’t communicate more.”

I nod, rubbing the arm he has across my chest. “Yeah, I agree.”

“Good.” He rolls slightly, chin placed on my shoulder. “In the name of communication then, I think not seeing each other for weeks on end isn’t good for us. We need to try to meet in person more.”

“Yeah, definitely. I think not seeing you for a while made my anxiety get worse. Thought you would dump me because it was too hard for us to meet up.”

“Honestly,” Baz sighs, “I felt something similar. Not as badly as you, I think, but still not fun. The self deprecating part of me wondered when you would finally get sick of my insane schedule and break up with me. I’m not exactly the easiest person to date. Or the easiest person, period.”

I laugh quietly and tug him closer. "Me neither, love."

Baz smiles all the way to his ears. He kisses me firmly, making my head spin, before pulling me away just as quickly. Our noses stay pressed together. “Suppose we match then, love.”

I throw my arms around his neck. I’m grinning, I can’t stop grinning. “And you like that?”

“I love it.”

“Me too.” I press against his back, reveling in his warm, smooth skin. “I promise to make more time for you. I want this to work. ”

Baz kisses a mole on my cheek. “So do I. I’m in this for the long haul, Simon.”

“Good, because I’m not letting you go.”

“I would love nothing more.”

I grab Baz’s head and smash our mouths together again. Baz instantly returns it, holding me tight. His body is a warm blanket on top of me, protecting me from anything bad in the world. Yeah, I could spend the rest of my life with Baz. I want that so much. Our snogging gets more intense. And each of us can definitely feel our mutual arousal pressed against our thighs.

Baz pulls off my mouth, but only a little. “What happened to needing to walk tomorrow?”

I shrug with a sly smile. “Eh, who needs walking? You can just carry me everywhere.”

He grins once before kissing me hard. I’m truly a lucky guy. And it’s incredible that Baz thinks the same. I’m living a charmed life.

———————————————

Three months later

“Y’know,” I pant, “you could help.”

Baz looks up from his phone, one eyebrow propped up. “Who carried all your KitchenAid hardware to our new place?”

“Okay, yeah, but that was  down the hall, not up four flights of stairs.” I drop another box of books and breathe heavily.

“That mixer was very heavy.”

“Baz.”

He lets out a very dramatic groan, making a show of hanging his head over the back of Penny’s settee. “Fine. I’ll help.”

I don’t miss the joking glint in his eyes. Arsehole. He just likes making a show of it. He kisses my cheek on the way out. I slap his arse, making him yelp, but his smirk tells me he’s not upset at all.

“Are you two flirting?” Penny calls out from the hall. “I told you, my flat is a flirt free zone!”

“No flirting, Bunce,” Baz says. “Just some light groping on Snow’s part.”

Penny groans so loud I’m pretty sure the whole floor can hear her. She walks in with a box filled with figurines. She glares at me viciously. I throw my hands up in surrender.

“I slapped his arse, didn’t grab it.”

“That’s not much better, Si.” She places the box on the ground and puts her hands on her hips. “Focus more on moving and less on your boyfriend’s arse.”

“Aw, don’t be mad, Pen, I’m sorry.” I wrap her up in a tight hug, and she holds me just as close. She’s been doing that a lot lately. I don’t mind. “Y’know, that offer to fly to Chicago and kick Micah’s arse is still on the table.”

That finally makes her laugh. She shakes her head against my chest. “No, it’s alright. I’m mad but not really vengeful. He tried to break up with me, I just wasn’t listening to him.”

“Still not an excuse to start dating someone else.”

“Yeah, I guess," she sniffles. "Thanks for subletting your flat to me."

I kiss the top of her head. "You're very welcome, Pen. Anything for you."

She holds me tighter. I let her hang on to me. It’s the least I can do.

“After all the fuss you made about me helping,” Baz shouts, “now you’re just standing there, Snow? Really?”

I sigh and look up over Penny’s head. Baz is balancing two large boxes because he likes to show off how strong he is. But he’s being helpful, and his strength is hot, so I don’t mind.

“I am comforting my friend,” I say, tone very high and mighty and mocking.

“Yes, but avoiding work must be a plus.”

“Oh, absolutely. And teasing you.”

Penny laughs and pulls back from me, looking at Baz as he puts down the boxes. “As a psychiatrist, you think it says something that even though you’re together now, you two still bicker like in school?”

Baz tilts his head side to side, stroking his chin like a great scholar. “Probably could say something about regressing to old patterns of behaviour from when we were children. But now after time together, working out our issues, and forming better patterns of behaviour, the bickering is now a show of affection rather than true antagonism. Therefore it has transformed into a healthy relationship feature from a bad one. A rare but possible event.”

Penny blinks at him. I’m trying to hide my blush. Don’t really want Penny to know how hot I find Baz being all smart and shit. Still have no idea what he’s talking about, but now I definitely want to rip his clothes off. Penny would kill me though. Murder would not be sexy.

“God,” she chuckles, “you really are a psychiatrist.”

“Yeah he is!” Shepard stumbles in, a box wobbling precariously on his arms. “Either that or he’s a weirdo who enjoys being in a hospital all the time for some reason.” The box tips over. I run up and catch it just in time. “Oh, whoops, sorry.”

“You break it, you suffer Bunce’s wrath, Shep,” Baz says.

“Damn right you do.” Penny walks past him, leveling a look over her glasses. Shepard gulps and watches her as she goes downstairs. And he follows her to help, looking totally out of it.

A pair of familiar arms wrap around my waist. Baz rests his chin on my shoulder. “In my humble psychiatrist opinion, I think our dear American might have a little crush on Bunce.”

I chuckle, cupping his cheek. “I wouldn’t blame him. Pen is pretty awesome.”

“Oh," he says with a teasing lilt, "should I be worried that she’s living down the hall from us now?”

I scoff and roll my eyes like he does at stupid people on telly. “Should  I be worried about you working with Dr. Lamb?”

Baz makes a very unattractive dry heaving sound. “Never. That backstabbing twat can go eat a bag of rusty screws. Only reason I give him the time of day is because he’s got my supervisor wrapped around his stupid finger.”

“And if you piss him off you’ll lose important psychiatry rounds, yes, yes, I know. He’s still gonna try to flirt with you.”

“Yeah, because he’s a twat. But I only want you.” He kisses a mole on my neck, his favourite one. “I love you, Simon.”

I kiss his temple. “I love you too.”

“I love you  so much I’m willing to give up my lovely condo to move into your weird exposed brick hipster building.”

I scoff and turn to him, arms around his slender neck. “Wasn’t it  your idea to move into a bigger place here because it’s closer to both of our workplaces?”

He smiles, kissing the tip of my nose. Bastard. I hated his teasing in school, but he’s right, now it’s out of love. Crazy, stupid, wonderful love. “Since when do you listen to me?”

“You have a good idea every once in a while.”

“How about this one?” He kisses me firmly. When he pulls back a little, my heart is beating rapidly.

“Yeah, I like that one.”

“Good.” We kiss again, soft and slow. Never before have I felt so safe and content kissing someone. Baz can hold me close and make all my worries go away. Part of me still can’t believe I get to have this. A person who adores me completely, including every single weird, flawed, stupid part too. But I have to stop thinking like that. I’m allowed to be happy. I’m allowed to be with someone so incredible. And someone so incredible can absolutely love me back. The work we've both put in to being together shows our mutual care again and again. We deserve to be happy together. It's amazing.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Baz and I pull apart to look at Penny’s glaring face. “We leave you two alone for five minutes and you’re already defiling my apartment?”

“This is still technically Snow’s flat, you know,” Baz says smoothly.

“And you don’t want to know how we’ve already defiled it.” I give the biggest shit eating grin I can.

Penny waves her hands in front of herself. “Nope, nope, I’d rather live in blissful ignorance. Also, Simon," Penny hands me an envelope, "postman came. This is for you. Thought I'd grab it before they accidentally delivered it to me."

I rip it open with ease. Inside is a paper with familiar terrible handwriting. I grin ear to ear. Baz looks over my shoulder. "What is it?"

"It's from Jeremy." I scan down the letter. Luckily I'm adept at deciphering kid writing. "He says he misses me but likes his aunt's place a lot. They garden a lot and he's playing football on a community team.:

"All sound great," Penny says, having moved to the shoulder not occupied by Baz.

"Yeah, definitely. Oh, and he's got a new kitten. And guess what he named him?"

"What?" Penny and Baz say at the same time. It's pretty hilarious but I keep myself from laughing to avoid any glares.

"Snow." I hold up a Polaroid picture of a grinning Jeremy holding a small, fluffy white cat. Both of them can't help but make awing noises.

"Adorable," Baz says. "You did a good job with that kid, Snow."

I kiss his cheek. "Thanks, love."

"I want a cat," Penny sighs. Her nose scrunches up. "Am I going to turn into a crazy cat lady?"

"Hey," I say, "you were the one who told me that was a sexist stereotype. So no, you're going to be a very sane, wonderful, brilliant cat lady." I lean closer, whispering in her ear. "And maybe, once you feel better, you can try talking to a certain American. I think he's got a thing for you."

Penny sticks her tongue out, but before she can respond, Shepard comes stumbling in with a box of china. He places it very carefully. I can see him not so subtly watching Penny out of the corner of his eye. I don't think he wants to piss her off again. “Okay, I think that’s all of it. Wow, a lot of books. Reminds me of my Mom's office back in Omaha.”

"So I remind you of your mum?" Penny asks, arms crossed over her chest. Shepard's eyes go wide. I snort into Baz's shoulder

"No! No, definitely not, I just mean...you're both super smart."

Penny scoffs. "Good answer, American. Now let's get all my books unpacked."

I groan loudly. “Come on, Pen, not today. Why don’t we go to mine and Baz’s flat and we’ll make you dinner?”

“You mean I’ll be making dinner.” Baz raises his eyebrow at me. “You can’t cook, Simon.”

“I’ve been learning!”

He sighs over dramatically. “Very well. You can chop the onions.”

“I’ll take it.” I put my arm on Penny’s shoulders. She leans into me like always. “Come on, let’s eat.”

“Can I come?” Shepard asks, beaming wide. Who could say no to that face?

“Of course! You deserve a reward for all your hard work.”

“Awesome!” He dashes up beside Pen, looking all cute. And I can see Penny smiling, just a little. I’m glad to see her happy.

I put Jeremy's letter in my pocket. It's going right on the fridge the second we get to mine and Baz’s new place. Baz takes my hand in his, weaving our fingers together. He smiles, looking at me from the corner of his eye. I feel like I could fly on the power of love alone right now.

God, I truly have an amazing life.

———————————————

Awwww stupidly in love, just how I like it. Tbh I started writing this before Wayward So came out, and after I decided I wanted to deal with their communication issues like in the book but resolve them. I'm not throwing shade, just stating an opinion, plz don't kill me lol. But I do hope you all liked it! I never planned on writing a sequel but sometimes shit works out like that. I do have another idea for a short one shot but don't hold me to that, life is pretty nuts rn and I don't have a lot of free time, hence why this took me so long. Anyway, have a good day/night y'all!

#carry on #wayward son #snowbaz #simon snow #baz pitch #penelope bunce #shepard #lamb #established relationship #angst with a happy ending #jealous simon #communication failure #mysnowbazfic