#every time i consider it i remember i am so bad at drawing on a schedule

[deklo]

uh oh. i need a job

#i’ve been unemployed for three months and just got my first unemployment check lmao #they do not make it easy ! #anyways should i start a patreon #😭😭😭 #every time i consider it i remember i am so bad at drawing on a schedule #I MISS MY OLD JOB #INWANT IT BAck so bad i’m so sad lmaoxkfjcnfjc

[ranboolivesaysstuff]

HEY! Just because I am now 20 I think having something to kind of re establish boundaries would be good! Considering the ones I put all those times ago have changed :D GENERAL RULES! Do not be racist, sexist, homophobic, antisemitic, ableist, or discriminatory against anyone for any reason. Please if someone is calling you out for things you have done or said, please self-reflect and take the proper steps to change or remove yourself from the community. If you see something you do not like, and it IS MADE WORSE BY BRINGING ATTENTION TO IT, THEN IGNORE IT! Bringing attention to problems that just arent really problems with either the community or me in general are not worth it! Please use common sense when thinking about what/what not to engage with! I personally wish that people in the community do NOT engage with people who just obviously do not like me! Chances are they want a reaction from it so it is MUCH better to just not argue with someone whos mind you will not change! ALLOW CRITICISM OF ME AND MY CONTENT! IF YOU DONT AGREE OR DONT LIKE THEN DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT!!!! ALL IT WILL DO IS CAUSE UNESSICARY DRAMA!!! DO NOT make ANY comments or content about me that is explicitly sexual. I completely understand that lately there have been bits due to the changes in how I’ve been presenting myself and how I’ve been presenting more femininely, but that does not allow anyone to use that as an excuse to sexualize any features and such that are more feminine or masculine. Remember that femininity is not sexual and should not be seen or created as such just because its there! (for example, the Vtuber costume and chat being overly weird over the added boobs where there was no need for it). DO NOT draw me in ways that are sexual either, such as highlighting any aspects in a sexual way, or making the content something sexual. I am completely okay with being drawn as any body type, masculine presenting or feminine presenting, as long as you stick to this! PLEASE DO NOT SPECULATE ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE!!! Making jokes about certain topics CAN be fine, but a line is crossed when it becomes a legitimate speculation or if a joke is said when I have expressed my discomfort! RESPECT MY FRIENDS!!! All of my friends are their own, incredible people. And they do not deserve to be lumped in or referred to as JUST "my friend". Be respectful in their chats even when im not there, and be respectful to all of them everywhere else! IF SOMEONE IS TRYING TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU MAY BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG PLEASE LISTEN!!! There has been a lot of times in which I have seen people be unwilling to change in the face of a genuine discussion, and that is not something I want in the community! I should NOT have to police every single thing because it should NOT take me saying something in order to change your mind! As my words are not worth more or less when it comes to a lot of subjects! And lastly, do good. Whenever you have the ability to. BE POSITIVE!!! The hater mindset is very draining and can be very toxic to both you and the people around you, so highlight the good instead of the bad if you have the ability to! I am so incredibly proud of how far this community has come, and I cannot wait for the future!!! I have spent some time writing this, but it may not be perfect, so I will update this as time goes on and I think of more, or if something needs to be SUPER cleared up, but for now these are the main ones! I will NOT be updating this after every little thing however, as I do not want you guys to feel like the only way that something is wrong is if I talk about it! As you guys should be able to sustain yourself as a community without my consistent input! Imma go enjoy my birthday by eating a pizza :) thank you all!

[sukunasdumbestchef]

way how i see you.

True form!Sukuna x Blind!Fem!reader

꒰You are the one and only wife of the King of Curses, but you don't just have this peculiarity… you are also blind. And painting is your way of painting and trying to represent what you see, even if it's just a little.꒱

Fluff, but cheesy.

BAD ENGLISJ SORRY😭

It was actually a secret… blindness. No one suspected…not even the King, Sukuna Ryomen. You hid it so well.

For obvious reasons, your life changed drastically after your vision got worse, the world around you lost its colors and beauty every day. Your world became just silhouettes moving around, almost colorless and blurred. But, you were aware of some things, just by looking at the silhouettes, you know how to differentiate an animal from a human, or if someone uses hair accessories. You weren't completely blind, but you were blind enough to be considered blind and have difficulties.

Uraume was the first to suspect, they were going to your room to hand over your newly cleaned kimonos. Uraume pushed the door open with an elbow. It was at the same time that you were combing your hair, your room lacked a little light, the candles had run out at the moment. You placed the comb where you thought the table was, but the comb ended up falling. You crouched down, trying to look for the lost comb on the floor, as the comb was clearly next to you. But they did not talked, nor did they mention this to the king.

Sukuna became suspicious when you two were at the table. In an attempt to get the chopsticks, you put your hand in a completely far place. It wasn't your fault, the chopsticks were the same color as the table! You tried again, nervous and hoping your husband wasn't looking at you. You went wrong again, you swallowed hard. You only realized where the chopsticks were when you turned your head drastically.

"…" Sukuna obviously noticed this. So the dots connected in his cruel head: Didn't she see where they were? Maybe… it makes sense, this woman is "strict" with how Uraume serves her food, she asks that the rice be placed in a light-colored bowl, if possible, in a light yellow bowl… and things like that...

"Wife. Are you blind?" Sukuna asked, without further ado. You felt your heart lock… could it be now? The truth?

"Sukuna…I, yes I am blind, please my king forgive me for keeping it a secret!" You soon explained yourself, standing up and crouching in respect. You thought he was angry, but he was surprised. He realized that you were not a silly woman, you are a very smart woman, no one suspected that you were blind… not even the king!

And that's how your life changed, Sukuna didn't even ask and you already explained your condition. You explained that you weren't completely blind, but you made her life difficult. Sukuna, like a husband who doesn't say 'I love you' but would burn the world for you, did everything he could to help you, Uraume helped you more.

You were an artist too, you painted several pictures. First, Sukuna thought they were cute and that was it. However, upon discovering your lack of vision, he began to see your paintings differently… it was you representing the world… through your eyes, how you imagine the colors, from the memory of when you could still see the colors…

Sukuna was stuck, looking at his painting where you had made him. He remembers saying in the past how different their brands were, but now he understands. "I'm more surprised, woman, you actually almost managed to draw my marks… Did you do what you imagined they would look like?" Sukuna asked, you next to him nodded.

"I could see the spots on your wrist, they stand out against your skin. The ones on your face are harder to see…" you explained. Sukuna took you in his arms, you were confused because you didn't expect this all of a sudden. "Sukuna?"

"Um, give me your finger." He took her index finger. Her heart warmed as she felt him trace his marks with his finger. You got closer to his face, getting a better look.

"Wait… you have a mini eye underneath? I thought you only had 3 eyes…" Sukuna smiles.

"It's small." Sukuna replied, getting her down from his arm.

"Oh, Kuna! I need to paint you again!" She said, looking at him with a cute smile. Sukuna saw her pull out a painting, and sit at her desk. Sukuna sat right next to her, very close to her. "Kuna… this tone looks strange, does this pink look like your hair?"

"Yes? I don't understand anything about this color thing… I don't care." You sighed, but started painting. You approached him very closely, to see his features up close. He gives you a peck, "You're so close." He complained, you laughed.

He pulled you onto his lap, so it was easier for you to see him. He felt her soft hand contouring his sharp features. Analyzing, Sukuna held her closer. It was such a rare moment, so warm…

But Sukuna closed his eyes in pain when she accidentally stuck her finger in his eyes. "Stupid, woman. Do you want to make me like you, you bastard?"

"I didn't think it was funny Sukuna, it was by accident…"

"Whatever, get it over with. My ass is going to hurt if I sit here for so long."

"HUSH!"

I have a version of this same theme with a longer story and angsty in the middle… do you want me to post it?

long story version

#ryomen sukuna #sukuna #jjk x reader #true form sukuna #sukuna x reader #sukuna ryomen

[yumeka-sxf]

My thoughts on Spy x Family: EYES ONLY Guidebook (English ver) - part 3

Continuing from my previous two posts, this will be my last post discussing the English version of the SxF manga guidebook "EYES ONLY." I'll discuss some of Endo's and Lin's comments on specific chapters, some of the included concept art for the series, all the Twiyor tidbits the book has to offer, and conclude with a couple things the English version of the book omits.

Endo's and Lin's comments on specific chapters

There's at least one comment from Endo and/or Lin on every chapter of the manga from when the book was originally published (up to chapter 61). Unfortunately I can't cover every single comment, but I did want to highlight a few (more will be covered in the Twiyor tidbits later on).

So Bond wouldn't have actually died from Yor's cooking then? Good to know her cooking isn't that bad, lol. Also that's a good question, Lin, maybe you should ask Endo? 😅

Lots of great info about the cruise arc. Makes sense that they had to plan it out many months in advance and keep revising it to patch up plot holes. All that work definitely paid off! Interesting that they almost considered not having Loid on the ship at all. Glad they didn't because otherwise we wouldn't have gotten one of his best outfits! 🤣 (can't wait to see this piece of work in color in the anime!)

Incidentally, the scene Endo mentions where he "managed to make Yor look pretty cute" is this one (she does look pretty cute here).

My favorite comment of Endo's about any chapter has to be this one for chapter 56. Never change, Endo 😂

And lastly, some good comments about chapter 59 (Becky visits the Forgers).

This is one of my favorite stand-alone chapters so I'm glad it was well received. Funny how they kept going with the joke instead of ending it "normally"...but when you have such great characters and setups, good comedy writes itself!

Below is Endo's commentary about Henderson, not a specific chapter, but thought I'd point it out since he mentions Henderson is the only character he's done a shower scene for...not anymore!

Also, while not related to a specific chapter, I do like what Endo says below about Loid and Yor's "dark sides."

He enjoys drawing them this way, which is cool, but he's also cautious about not overdoing it and saving those expressions for important situations.

Concept art

Most of the pre-serialization character designs included in this book were also in the exhibition pamphlet, which I already discussed thoroughly here (wish I had remembered these were in the fanbook so I wouldn't have put so much effort into trying to read Endo's scribble notes). So I'll just mention a few of the most notable things.

As I discussed in my post about the pamphlet, Franky was at some point intended to be the uncle of the family. Though I do think it would have been fitting to make him the uncle, I also like the main focus being on just the "nuclear" family, with the uncle and other characters having supportive roles.

An interesting note about the beta version of Yor is that she seemed to be more like Fiona - she was in love with Loid right from the start, to the point of trying to eliminate Anya! I doubt this is something she would be doing all the time as it would have been difficult to make her a likable main character if she was always trying to kill her daughter...in all likelihood, she would have tried to kill Anya at first before eventually learning to love her as a daughter. While I see how this could work for an intriguing character arc, I'm glad Endo decided to make Yor a loving mother to Anya right away, and not make her feelings for Loid an obsessive "love at first sight" kind of thing.

Twiyor tidbits

Being the shipper that I am, I tried to see if I could pinpoint any Twiyor subtleties throughout the book, as vague as they may be! 😂

Below are excerpts from Loid and Yor's character pages where we're given info on their current stance about each other.

Love the emphasis on their bond of trust ❤️

Below are excerpts from chapters 14 and 35, probably the most Twiyor-heavy chapter pages in the book.

This confirms that Loid did indeed interpret Yor's kick as her not having any romantic feelings for him.

Below are comments by Endo and Lin for chapter 30, where Fiona is introduced.

Endo's line is a little ambiguous here, but I think he's saying how people sympathize with Fiona because she's "doomed to lose," which is...telling 😅 (does Fiona's loss automatically mean a Twiyor win?)

Endo says he likes the "You're strong, Yor" conversation, one of the most Twiyor-ish scenes in the series so far! 😊 Lin also mentioned how they got to use that theme again during the Becky chapter.

Weird that he chose to highlight this line of all things as Loid's "Family Comment" for chapter 10. Could this and chapter 79 be more foreshadowing for an eventual "Twilight vs Thorn Princess" showdown? 👀 Or maybe he just likes teasing fans because he knows it's something they fantasize about.

English version omissions

There's an additional Endo interview that's missing from the English version of the book: an interview with him and Kazumi Takayama, a former idol of the group Nogizaka46.

At first it seemed very odd that they would leave out just this interview, but after discussing it with others on Discord, I realized it's because it has to do with an idol. Apparently getting licensing rights for anything that has to do with a Japanese idol group is very difficult, which is further hindered by the fact that Takayama isn't even part of that idol group anymore, which makes getting the content green lit for official release overseas even more taxing. So probably Viz decided it wasn't worth the trouble and just left out that interview. But thankfully u/Nemshi on Reddit posted a fan translation of it, which you can read here. They talk a bit about SxF, but most of it is just general questions they ask each other.

And the other thing missing from the English version that I really can't understand is the inside cover! Another great 4th-wall breaking joke from Endo (I added a quick translation of the Japanese version below).

Unlike the Takayama interview, I have no idea why they didn't include this. They include the inside cover as an extra page in all the English volumes, so why not here? Very weird.

---

And that's all I'm going to share for the "EYES ONLY" fanbook! Honestly, there's so much great content in the book that I didn't touch on, like info about East/West relations, about Eden Academy, Endo's comments on all the designer chairs for the volume covers...and lots more. So definitely get a copy yourself if you can! It's a must-have for any SxF fan 😁 Books like this aren't officially released in English very often, so the fact that Viz thought it was worthwhile to make this proves how much of a hit SxF is!

<- Return to Part 2

#spy x family #spy family #sxf #spyxfamily #twiyor #loid forger #yor forger #anya forger #bond forger #sxf manga #sxf manga spoilers #sxf spoilers #tatsuya endo

[inksword]

One thing I wish all communities of Worm (reddit, tumblr, the forum who must not be named, etc.) would do a bit more frequently is acknowledge Lisa's asexuality. Like, okay you can still ship her with all your favorite ladies but she could be ace about it ya know? This isn't even WoG aceness it's in the actual text of Ward from her own mouth. It's not totally unexpected just sort of a bummer that an extremely rare asexual character in a piece of media that I like gets almost uniformly cast as a lesbian without a nod to her canon sexuality.

She could still date girls! I personally think she's aro not just ace but since that wasn't explicitly mentioned she could still date girls within her canon characterization!

And before anyone throws a "Wildbow totally wrote her bi/lesbian he just doesn't know it, disregard canon statements of sexuality" like they do with Taylor:

Asexual people can have incredibly close friendships

Asexuals can make sex jokes or observations, sometimes certain jokes seem even more absurd or silly to us because we're asexual!

Asexuals can be hyper aware of how they are perceived in terms of affection

You know if Wildbow had confirmed her canon lesbianism in Ward people would cite that shit and not brush it off "because it's Ward and bad and I haven't read it" (okay some straight-dude spacebattles fanfic writers would ignore it but I don't think that's who I'm talking to here.)

IDK if I can remember every argument that people use to justify headcanoning her as lesbian but please please please just believe her own words and her own reflections on her life and feelings. Yes it's a Watsonian argument but I don't think there's a good Doylist reason to doubt her about it either.

I am not here to take away your ships just... venting a little I guess haha. Yes yes I know that technically every shippy drawing of her could technically be her being ace but when that's every shippy drawing with no acknowledgement it doesn't hit ya know? Like getting bi representation and seeing a character 99% shipped with one gender. I seriously don't want to dampen anyone's enjoyment of Tattletale or say you can't relate to her if you're not ace however!

Ughhh I totally feel like a wet blanket complaining considering I pretty much only contribute a drawing every four years to the fandom. I'll admit I don't voraciously read worm-fic so I may be totally off base and she gets acknowledged all the time in places I don't see. I guess anyone got any good explicitly ace Tattletale fics haha?

#inky bloo bloos #parahumans #wormblr #wardblr

[emerxshiu]

FORGOTTEN LAND'S SECOND ANNIVERSARY :3

I AM SOOOO BACK

I started this drawing yesterday around afternoon and finished it just a few minutes earlier.

I went with a messier type of drawing instead of more clean like the elfilin one from yesterday, i find it fun doing it like this, mostly cause i dont have to worry about making it perfectly so i dont get as frustrated as normal. Id place this one as my second best digital drawing. im pretty sure i havent posted what i consider my best digital drawing here, tho i do have it in instagram, i might post it here one day, tho these two are way too tied up, i love how this came out, its not exactly like how i imagined it but its really close to it, and also itd say that since i dont tend to play around lighting that much, this was such a joy to draw and i cant help but stare at it a lot, at least until i start hating it because i made quite a lot of errors. i also changed my elfilis gijinka just a tad bit from last time, but its not that big of a difference, mostly.

ofc i had to draw elfilis for forgotten land's anniversary, i tend to deny it in my head but yeah they're my fave of the kirby characters even tho i hate them a bit. I wanted to draw some more doodles, like, elfilis eating cake, kirby car, a bunch of other stuff (not elfilin cuz i already drew him yesterday) but when i tried i couldnt draw anything more, guess this drawing burned me out a lot, huh?

you can definitly tell i spent all the efforts on him cuz if you look a bit closer to the bottom part you'll see its almost barely detailed, but i mean, they're the focus so make sense i guess for me not add that much detail there. um also, maybe because i dunno i had OVER 130 LAYERS jeez no wonder firealpaca was slowing down so much, i need to manage my layers better next time, tho i did do something i keep forgetting, wich is naming them (most of them at least) that was a real life saver

Also, antares (fecto elfilis' spear/cadaceus), as always, was a pain to draw, but this time its probably been draw the most accurate out of every other drawing ive made with it in it, i didnt notice it was like, a little curved when it reached the blade

some close ups since his face is a bit hard to see

silly :3

fun fact! actually, this is technically a redraw, somewhere around between february and march i started a fecto elfilis drawing for the first anniversary, but i couldnt finish it in time, and i never finished it

thats...quite the improvement! (i remember being so proud of it)

also his wings are like that cuz i did not want to draw the pattern, its way too hard, i literally copy pasted it, wait, i was talking about the 2024 version but i looked at the 2023 one and i just noticed it also has the pattern copy pasted, i guess some stuff never changes since i still abuse the ctrl+c ctrl+v to this day

Also i ended up making a huge error there, i was planing to add the phantom spears from orbital pulsar (the attack he does first when you battle them at lab discovera) but theres an innacuracy, when they do the attack, they always close their eyes, i had actually sketched him (well i mean both these drawings are basically the first sketch (2023) or second sketch(2024) with some color, shadows and lighting. i didnt do lineart in the 2024 one cuz i wanted to be a bit like the og i made (too bad i sketched that one with black since the og was sketched with white due to me drawing the bg first)) with his eyes closed but them decided to make them open for a reason i cant remember, maybe i thought itd look nicer? idk

ive had the idea of redrawing this for quite some month now so it was kinda already planned

background cuz i think it came out really pretty

doesnt have the little stars since without elfilis and the structures it looks fucked up. the actual sky in game is more blue, but the clouds have some orange, in the 2023 ver. i made the sky orange, and in the 2024 ver i wanted it more accurate, but i didnt wanna loose the orange sky, so i did a gradient. pretty...

also here's a screenshot i took when i was like halfway trough it, its barely noticeable but i changed his mouth in the final drawing

I really love katfl, like a buncha whole lot, its basically almost my first mainline kirby game. 100% the demo, finished the game in almost one day, i literally play it monthly, like, every month i put the card in my switch, start it up, get morpho sword, and go shred elfilis in lab discovera. i would probably not even be here on tumblr and the kirby fandom if it werent for it. and i love it so much i genuinly cannot express how much i like it and treasure it with words or anything

Thank you for reading my unnecesarily long rambles lol

I hope i'll post tomorrow and dont forget like usual

Jambuhbye!

#art #fanart #kirby #kirby fanart #kirby gijinka #silly #digital art #firealpaca #fecto elfilis #fecto elfilis gijinka #my wife fecto elfilis and his new drip #yep changed them again #fecto elfilis lives in my head rent free 24/7 #fecto elfilis fanart #kirby and the forgotten land #katfl #katfl spoilers #katfl second anniversary #kirby and the forgotten land second anniversary #katfl fanart #kirby and the forgotten land fanart #please reach a lot of people i spent way too much effort on this drawing #kirby series #kirby elfilis #kirby of the stars #:3333 #:3 #digital artist #artists on tumblr #small artist

[deoidesign]

Hello I stumbled across your profile and I just say I love your art style! I've gotta ask, how'd your develop it? And do you have any advice for someone who can't decide what they want their art to look like?

Thank you so much!

To be entirely honest, I don't feel like I truly "developed" my style. I feel a lot more like I finally let myself draw it! But I am incredibly deliberate with my work, and I do have clear tendencies and preferences... So I'll do my best to explain how I got to where I am now as an artist.

It's important to remember that "style" is something of a nebulous concept. It changes with you as you grow as a person, and most artists can work in and emulate many art styles! Art really is a form of communication with yourself, and your "style" is a reflection of the tendencies and preferences you have. My art does not look how it looked 5 years ago, and my art will look different 5 years from now too. I've changed, and my art reflects that!

(2012, 2018, 2023; two pieces I remember being incredibly proud of and considered my best work up til that point, and then my most recent piece)

What you need to do, as everyone will tell you, is study the fundamentals (anatomy, perspective, form and structure, lighting and shadow, color, and composition) so you have the proper tools to make the most informed decisions possible about your art, and so you can deliberately break or follow rules as you please for your desired effect. I know it sounds silly to learn rules if you're not gonna be following them anyways, but they help you be much more consistent and intentional! More knowledge is NEVER a bad thing to have!

However, I know it's a bit demoralizing to just be told to study fundamentals. Everyone knows you're supposed to do that, but it takes YEARS to learn, and people want their art to feel how they want it to now (which is very very very normal to want!)

So on that front, I have 2 follow up suggestions that I personally find helpful (of course, everyone is different, so it's not like this is the only way to learn! But, if it resonates with you, it might mean it will work for you too.)

1: Separate study from application

I believe this is beneficial for a few reasons:

If the goal of every piece is learning, it can become frustrating, overwhelming, and boring

It's harder to self critique when there are multiple variables to investigate. I like to study one fundamental at a time

Study (usually) works best with a large quantity of output, whereas application of knowledge (finished pieces) is often more satisfying and effective when you get to take your time

Deliberate practical application of what you've learned in a finished piece helps cement the learning in your mind, and also lets you get satisfying finished pieces with noticeable improvement after a good study session!

I've found that keeping these things separate helps me improve faster and more deliberately, and it takes a lot of the pressure off of both aspects! I'm not worried about my studies looking beautiful, they're just to learn! And I don't feel pressured to critique my finished pieces, cause they're just for fun and to make something pretty. I personally find this helps me have a much healthier relationship with my art.

When studying, copy! Copy things as best as you can, all the time. It gives you something to compare to for self critique (and of course, if you're copying someone else's work and you share the study, ALWAYS give credit, share the original, and say it was for study.) In application, don't copy: reference. Make it yours!

2: Let yourself do the things that feel "easy" or like "cheating"

This one is simpler: nothing in art is easy.

If something feels easy to you, most of the time it's not because it's actually any easier... It's because it's part of your natural tendencies and preferences! This took me forever to realize, but as long as you're actually doing some study, then you're learning. You don't need to learn All The Time. When you're doing the "application" portion, you should let yourself do whatever is actually the most fun and feels easiest! This is where your style will start to come through, and where you get to learn about yourself. Take the pressure off, and have fun!!!

The only cheating in art is theft. If you're not stealing, then it's allowed!

My whole life (and yes, still!) I'd get regular criticism about both my style and my subject matter. You will too. You'll see a thousand different styles, and a hundred different things to admire in each. Your heart will ache that you don't draw like others do.

But art is a form of communication with yourself. It's like your voice, or your accent; just something that's a part of you! It can be fun to mimic others', but when you sit to have a conversation you speak naturally. (I know some people want to and do change their voice, but this is a metaphor and metaphors aren't perfect)

Don't stress so much about what you want your art to look like, especially if you're not sure. There's a lot of value to be had in constant experimentation, I think it'd be rather boring to only draw one style the rest of my life. What I draw is what I want to see, right now, for who I am now! It's a part of me and comes naturally, if I let it!

I hope this helps!

#justbrowsing1124 #asks #art tips #drawing advice #drawing tips #art advice #long post here sorry #long post #I could have gone on so so so so so so much more but this took me like 2 hours to write #and I've gotta go to bed! haha #so if you feel like something wasn't properly explained you can send a follow up ask and I'd be happy to elaborate #I love answering questions like this #sorry if it sounds a bit condescending I wrote the post for like... what would have helped me to hear when I was just starting out #so I wrote it basically for how I think would help I guess a kid #sorry about that. the content is still all what I think though #also I realize that i didn't really talk about like... my journey... at all here lol. #I guess if you wanna know my personal journey I'd love to get into it! #but i focused a lot more on the second part #cause yknow #that's kinda what my journey was internally anyways #but yknow no fun progress of my art with notes about what I was doing and why #but fuck that sounds fun if someone did wanna know about that LOL #I am VERY deliberate with my art I could legit analyze every piece #pretentious? maybe. do I care? not at all. #why make it if I dont have a reason?

[who-do-i-know-this-man]

PURRGATORY Pt 1/3:

Just today, my submittion, elijah from purrgatory, was eliminated. Beaten by just 1% from 3.5k votes, Elh will be moving on. I shouldn't be terribly upset, as that means people have played purrgatory before and remembered it. What I hate is that nobody has ever talked about it. This was a life-changing game to me, 2nd favorite, and to see nobody singing its praises is disheartening. This post is in remembrance of purrgatory, elijah, and how it effected me.

PART ONE: purrgatory, A GAME BY NIV

music to set the mood

purrgatory is a free-to-play point & click visual novel, created by Niv. Following your death, you're sent to purrgatory, a place between Heaven and Hell, and you're able to pass time in an afterlife where nothing really matters. You can meet and talk to its seven inhabitants, kyungsoon, oliver, numa, sean, elijah, natalie & tori, listen to their stories and try to remember your own. Fur-ever's not so bad, right?

The game was originally created during the "I Can't Draw" game jam, by solo developer Niv. Niv has a tumblr, though is largely inactive. From Niv answering a question about inspiration, "The point-and-click style was definitely inspired by early Flash point-and-click games -- I have to point out Daymare Town in particular just because of how similar the art style is. The story and characters come from my love of slice-of-life character-based narratives like Night in the Woods and Undertale. I've also always had a fascination with mazes and wanted to make a game where people just sort of live and hang out in a maze." I'll be talking about the general story, characters, art, and music, while avoiding major spoilers as much as possible. Go ahead and play purrgatory before or after I'm done with this thing, all that matters is you played it. I played through both major endings while inspecting everything, and beat it after 6 hours.

from left to right- natalie, kyungsoon, elijah, charon, sean, oliver, tori, numa

The gameplay of purrgatory revolves around exploring the labyrinth of purrgatory, talking to its inhabitants, and uncovering what led both them and you here. Nearly everything is inspectable, so click everything you see, and you'll most likely be treated to something humorous. This game loves puns, as the title suggests, and you'll be the one making them whether you like it or not. Every character drawing is traced multiple times over, to create a nice wiggling effect. purrgatory is devoid of color, the residents colors the only ones you'll see.

purrgatory is giant, boasting 80 different screens, and you will have to go through each one at some point. It's easy to get lost here, but muscle memory will guide you. You will first meet charon, the River Styx receptionist. Your interaction is brief, but she'll hand you your form to fill, a one-way trip to purrgatory. After you enter your name and select custom pronouns, she'll mention you're the eighth, "over capacity." You'll be directed to enter the portal and have a chance to ask a question, from, "who am i?", "where am i?" and "who are you?" After this, your only choice is to enter the portal to purrgatory.

From here, you'll meet kyungsoon the hyena, a cat, and oliver the mouse in the library. As you explore past the starting area, you'll find numa the snail in the flower garden, sean the snake and elijah the pangolin in the writing corner, natalie the moth in the apartment, and tori the owl in the station. Each has their reason for being here, and it's up to you to help them. The personalities of these people are what make this game, as each is written realistically and sympathetically. numa is meek and has trouble controlling her emotions, sean died during his happiest days and considers most of his life wasted, and kyungsoon was slothful during her life and never exerted her efforts anywhere. These are all things they tell you as you help them with what little goals they create for themselves in purrgatory.

Despite the heavy subject matter, purrgatory is inserted with lots of funny scenes and dialogue from every character. kyungsoon will make sarcastic remarks at your expense while not showing any strong emotion, sean has a sense of humor entwined with lots of internet and ruanch, and numa has many intense scenes of frustration that got me many times. Speaking of the characters, purrgatory consists of a largely LGBT+ cast! From Niv, "Don’t worry about misinterpreting! Every story is a collaboration between creator and reader, after all, so I expect nothing less than people creating their own headcanons. That being said, in MY head, numa and kyungsoon are lesbians, sean is gay, oliver and tori are bi, natalie is aroace, and kyungsoon is of course trans..."

On music and art: purrgatory has a wonderful soundtrack and sound design! With the low-effort look of the world, the music pairs excellently to the areas and scenes, my favorites being "the warehouse" and "lights out." There are special tracks in there as well, like a rendition of "Fly Me to the Moon" done with meows and a song composed by sean (do not look this up, will spoil). Exploring purrgatory, you'll find the various characters in many activities, such as standing around, sleeping, and laying on the floor. Every character not-still conveys so much emotion, despite looking like this:

There are a few endings, but only two major ones, which I will call "ghost end" and "feline fine." ghost end is the worst ending. While you were in purrgatory, you did not get to know anyone there, and yet for some reason, you're spared. This is the first ending I got. feline fine is the good ending. You remembered your past and helped everyone, and through comradery, found color.

"purrgatory" is an amazing game, which I wholeheartedly recommend. It's free on Steam right now. Please play it. My favorite character was elijah :3

I applaud the dedication, and I very much hope that people are convinced to check the game out. I know I'm definitely going to read through this more thoroughly later and maybe check out the game.

#asks #not blorbo poll #propaganda? #long post

[ryuichirou]

What do you like about Idia?

I got so excited when I got your ask, Anon. And now it’s your problem because I’m probably going to talk a lot lol Thank you very much for asking and giving me an excuse to shower Idia with compliments.

And sorry for replying so late.

To be honest, Idia feels scarily close to being a perfect character for my liking, he kinda has all the qualities that I usually fall for + somehow manages to (unintentionally) incorporate vibes of so many other characters that I like. A friend that got us into twst knew that I’d instantly get invested, it’s almost embarrassing, to be honest lol

So the easy answer would be that I kinda like everything about Idia, but I am annoying, so here are some categories:

Visual

Idia’s design is so damn cute. I really like the combination of him being a lanky scrawny creature with bad posture and being almost “moe” level of adorable. His creepy smile and silly giggles and dark aura works very well with his pretty face with dark lips and this almost… pathetic regular expression. I think his face is what I like about him the most, both the expressiveness and the way it’s drawn in general.

His hair, obviously, are also a big part of it. It’s so unique. One of the first things I said when I started drawing Idia regularly was “oh I’m going to miss drawing his hair so much when we move on from twst” lol Because there is really no other character like that (well, there’s also Ortho, but you get what I mean). The shape, the physics behind it, the fact that it expresses Idia’s emotional state so nicely not only in colour (which is very pretty btw, both the blue and the pink hues, and the orange ones as well), but also in how it “acts”.  

Also, Idia’s overall silhouette is great. It’s just… his clothing choices are so fun. His long moe sleeves in his PE uniform, his striped shirt that he wears under his uniform, and of course the huge bell-shaped hooded jacket that hides his body. For some reason it’s, I don’t know, especially cartoony? In a good way, of course.

And lastly, his body language. I love how awkward he is and how much he tries to take as little space as possible when he is stressed out or scared.

So yeah, as someone who draws, I really enjoy Idia. I always have fun with him, and it’s a huge part of why I’m so into him.

Personality/quirks

He is so annoying 😔 … and I love every second of it lol

I love the fact that Idia isn’t just a lovable hikki otaku guy, and he has a lot of unpleasant qualities: he is an elitist, he is stubborn, he is rude sometimes, he makes assumptions about other people (well, he’s surprisingly perceptive so he’s usually right BUT). He likes to tease and to get on the other person’s nerves, and whenever he feels threatened, it’s not unusual for him to attack with negativity first or just to take a dig at his opponent. He is both self-deprecating and self-loving at the same time. But honestly this is what makes him so great. I usually draw him being freaked out by others, but in fact I really really love it when Idia is insufferable.

Because it a) makes sense considering his background; b) is written in a way that is very fun to read; c) is balanced out very well.

Idia isn’t malicious; he’s just socially inept and genuinely scared of others. He is an asshole, but in reality it is due to the fact that he doesn’t know how to connect with others and doesn’t want to seem desperate, plus gets overwhelmed by others very easily. In fact, I think he is much more empathetic than Azul, for example, but I won’t talk about it this time.

I always think about that line that Idia said when he was roasting Riddle for not knowing how to play videogames. I don’t remember the exact line, but it was something similar to “I’ve never seen anyone who is as much of a noob as you lmao but I’m a fucking loser with no friends so yeah makes sense”. I think it describes Idia’s view on others and himself quite nicely: torn between “everyone is shit” and “I am shit”. “I am a genius and everyone is wrong” and… you know.

I also love that Idia drowns himself in his coping mechanisms, but he is still surprisingly realistic about what’s going on in his life. He did create a robot to resemble and act as his diseased younger brother, but he never allowed himself to forget that it is indeed a robot. He doesn’t want to forgive himself, but he also is tired of feeling pain and doesn’t know how to cope with it. So his solution is extreme escapism, but also hyper-awareness about his own faults and never-ending state of excruciating guilt.

So yeah, he’s such a fun character to dive deeper into psychology-wise.

Love his serious moments, love his silly moments, love his complaints, love his emotional rants, love that he’s passionate about stuff that he likes, love that he critiques society in the pettiest ways possible, love his giggles, everything.

(He also reminds me of Katsu in a lot of ways so I am biased lol)

Story

Oh I’ve talked about how much I loved Ch6 a lot, so I won’t write another essay (physically stopping myself).

I’ll be brief and just say that I honestly would have loved Idia even without learning his backstory, because he is just that entertaining, but knowing it made me appreciate him on a whole other level. I love how much depth his character has, how nuanced it is and how beautifully his chapter ended. Seeing him getting closure was very satisfying, and I love that it didn’t change his character drastically overnight.

His love towards Ortho is a beautiful thing, ship-wise or not.

So yeah I kinda just blacked out at some point, I think lol I can talk about Idia forever. He is just an extremely enjoyable character to both read and write.

#replies #idia shroud #about characters

[lampmanliveblogs]

Yesterday's Lie, Today's Truth, Tomorrow's Promise chapter 2 (beta)

Heeey, y'all remember that Vee fic I've been toiling away at? I finally, just now, five minutes ago, got the second chapter done. Sorta, anyway. This bad boy ended up being just over 10 000 words long... and it was originally supposed to be longer, but I decided to split it into two.

I havenät run this through any spellcheck or grammar check, and I mgiht go back to change some stuff before fnal publication, but I'm probabaly not gonna change too much plot-wise. It took me a long time to get it into a state that works, and I think I did a decent job.

I am planning on actually putting this story up on AO3, but I wanna make sure to have at least the first three chapters done and ready before that. The next chapter should hopefully not be as long as this one.

For now... enjoy!

(oh, and I actually settled on a title!)

(also, i just realized that copy-n-paste didn't copy-n-paste any of the italics... meh, it's 01:00 at night right now and I need my beatuy sleep)

xxXXxx

Lamp Entertainment presents…

The night was growing old, but Masha was wide awake. Lying in Luz’ bed, looking up at the glow-in-the-dark stars glued to the bunk above. They were tired, dead tired, but thoughts buzzed around their head like ten million fireflies, keeping them awake.

Not only were shapeshifters, basilisks, witches, magic, demons, and other worlds real, but shapeshifting basilisks demons from another world filled with magic and witches were real. Masha had spent most of summer sharing a bunk bed with one, just as they were doing now. It was a lot to take in.

Oh, and the story about the Wittebane brothers meeting a witch? It was true. The brothers had met a real witch, a witch that they had followed back to the Demon Realm, the world of demons and witches. Not only that, but old Philip Wittebane was still alive and kicking, turned into a monster and spending the last four centuries working on a plan to exterminate all witches.

That evil, wicked man was the reason Vee was alive. Vee had been… brief in talking about her origins. Masha knew better than to pry too much, and thank Goddess Marco and Samuel did too. Just telling them about her true identity had obviously been very difficult for her, and if there were things she wasn’t ready to tell them yet, then they shouldn’t pressure her.

Even so, what she did tell them did not paint a pretty picture.

”My name, it’s Vee as in V, as in ’five,’” she had explained, holding up two fingers forming a V. Her voice trembled and her gaze lowered, looking at something far, far away from the comfort and safety of her new home. She took a deep, unsteady breath before speaking again. ”I… am number five. Lab animal number five.”

And all of the sudden it made so much sense why ”Luz” had spent the first few weeks of camp jumping at every sudden sound and always looking over her shoulder. Why she would always sneak out of bed when she thought everyone was sleeping to make sure the door wasn’t locked.

It made Masha’s blood boil. Philip Wittebane better never show his face in Gravesfield again, or so help them…

But… something else troubled on Masha’s mind. They reached down on the floor, grabbing the vaguely clothes-shaped pile of fabric that was their discarded costume. The deck of cards was still in the pocket where they left them, still in the same order. The first three cards were still The Two-Headed Snake, The Light, and The Red String.

They shuffled the deck thoroughly and drew the first three cards again.

The Light. The Red String. The Two-Headed Snake.

What was the chances of drawing the exact same three cards? One in a million?

Maybe there was still some magic in them…

Eventually, Masha drifted off to a sleep filled with dreams they couldn’t remember in the morning.

Chapter 2: For the Future (that we can’t see)

Vee woke up early, before the others. Well, it wasn’t that early, it was just past eight in the morning. But considering the late night, it felt early even as the sun shone through the window.

She spent some time just coiled up in bed, enjoying the comfortable warmth under her two blankets. She thought if going back to sleep, but eventually convinced herself that it was time to rise and shine.

The others were still asleep, so Vee climbed down from her bunk as quietly as she could. Easier said than done when you had a thick tail instead of two nimble legs. Somehow, she made it down without waking anyone up, though that might have had more to do with the fact that her old cabin mates were exhausted after yesterday.

She noticed a deck of Hexas Hold’em cards lying on the floor. She recalled Masha playing with a deck on the day Luz contacted her from the Demon Realm. Vee couldn’t smell any magic left in them, which meant it was probably the same deck. They must’ve fallen out of Masha’s pocket. She gathered them and put them in a neat stack next to their costume.

She slithered silently out the room, past Samuel and Marco in the guest beds that used to belong to Willow and Amity. The whole thing reminded her of summer camp. She’d often wake up before her cabin mates then too, often sneaking out to enjoy the early morning sun. Masha had called camp prison, but as far as Vee was concerned, her first true sense of freedom had come from that place.

Making it down the stairs was one of those things that was a lot more uncomfortable with a tail than it was with a pair of legs, but Vee decided to stay in her true form for a bit longer. For the longest time, even before she made the decision to tell them, there had been an insistent voice in her head telling her that her friends would find her true form repulsive. It was nice to learn that wasn’t the case.

Oh stars, she could barely believe it! She had told them! She really had told them! Even though the thought had terrified her, she had still gone through with it. And it worked out, they didn’t hate her, they didn’t resent her for deceiving them.

There were some things she hadn’t told them. Things she had only ever told Camila, late one night after she woke up screaming from a nightmare. She wanted the truth to be a happy thing, not marred too much by what had been.

Vee was determined to move beyond her past pain. At times, the darkness made itself known at the back of her head, deep within her lizard brain. But she was getting better and better at pushing back. She had optimism for the future.

First things first though. She needed to call Camila’s work to let them know she was going to need a few days off. Vee, being naturally paranoid and a born liar, had already fleshed out a halfway decent story.

It took some convincing and a little bit of improv, but Vee was eventually (imitating Camila’s voice, of course) able to get Camila’s sudden leave accepted.

Once that was done with, Vee began cleaning up the mess in the living room while contemplating what to do with Luz. Should she take on her appearance and go to school as her again? Or should she call the school and inform Luz wouldn’t be coming for a few days? Both alternatives had its ups and downs. On one hand, Vee actually did like school and learning about the Human Realm. And Luz’ grades really did not need to get any worse. On the other hand, keeping up the deception would add another element of complication. Vee was good, but was she that good?

She mulled over it while cleaning up until she heard movement coming from upstairs. She turned to her friends groggily making their way down the stairs.

”Good morning!” she said cheerfully.

”Wow…” Samuel whispered. ”I was halfway convinced I was dreamt up everything,” he said a little louder.

”Not me, cause I’m not that creative,” Marco said.

”I gotta say, I think it would make for a pretty good story,” Samuel continued. ”A demon fleeing from an evil emperor ends up in the world of the humans, accidentally taking the place of a young girl headed for summer camp… yeah, that’s a good story. Maybe I should write a book about it.”

”Don’t you have like fifty-eleven different fanfics you’re already writing?” Masha teased him. Samuel blushed.

”I do finish some of my fanfics,” he said defensively. ”Unlike my thirteenth favorite fanfic writer, The Lampman. That guy couldn’t finish a fanfic if his life depended on it. ”

”I don’t know who that is, but he sounds like a talentless hack,” Marco said.

”I’m sure he’s not that bad,” Vee said. ”Anyway, here I am, very much real. By which I mean ’real-ly hungry.’ Anyone else want breakfast? I’m starving!”

The others agreed that breakfast would be nice. Vee lead them into the kitchen and began fixing some food. One thing the other Cabin 7 members had noticed about ”Luz” was that the way she’d scarf down her food at every meal like she had never eaten before. Which, based on what they now knew of Vee’s past, sadly made a lot of sense. Though that was not the only thing they had noticed about Luz ’ eating habits.

”You used to choke on your food a lot,” Masha observed. They were absentmindedly playing with the deck of Hexas Hold’em cards. ”Was that because you usually swallow your food whole?”

”Yeah, pretty much,” Vee confirmed while frying up some eggs. ”I do have teeth to chew with if I have to, but I usually don’t. Human throats are a lot less flexible than basilisks and I wasn’t used to it.” To demonstrate what she meant, she took an apple lying on the counter and swallowed it whole, making her throat bulge outward.

”Not gonna lie,” Marco said. ”That was a kinda gross.”

”You should see how I eat eggs then,” Vee chuckled. ”The difficult part is spitting the shell out in one piece.”

”Th-thanks, but I think we’ll skip that one,” Samuel quickly interjected. He looked contemplative for a moment. ”Do you have… is it poison or venom? I can never remember the difference.”

”If I bite you and you die, I’m venomous,” Vee explained. ”But if you bite me and you die, then I’m poisonous. And no, I don’t have venom. Don’t know if I’m poisonous though. I might be.”

”What if I bite myself and I die?” Marco asked. ”What does that make me then?”

”Stupid,” Masha said, prompting a good group laugh.

”No new information there,” Marco said between giggles.

The eggs done, the gang sat down at the table. Sitting on chairs designed for human creatures with things like ”legs” and ”butts” was yet another thing that was a bit awkward for Vee. She’d usually just stand at the table, but she decided to sit down this time. Before she sat down, she grabbed a special jar from one of the cabinets.

It had a homemade label, saying in neat handwriting that it was ”For Vee only.” A second pencil had added a small face making a sick face, to which the first pencil responded that ”I told you so.”

Her friends watched with interest as she took four slices of bread and spread thick layers of jar’s contents on them. It looked like some chocolate spread, but with strange lumps in it.

”What is that?” Masha asked finally. ”Is it some kind of special basilisk food?”

”Uh… kinda?” Vee hesitated. ”It’s nutella, with protein powder and, um… wood chips and sand.”

This was met with wide stares.

”Wood chips… and sand?” Samuel asked, as if to make sure he heard it right.

”It’s good for my digestion,” Vee said with a little shrug. ”It was either that, or I keep chewing on twigs I found on the ground. Camila thinks I need a lot of protein, so that’s what the protein powder’s for.”

”And the nutella…?” Masha asked.

”Oh, that’s for taste,” Vee said. Deciding that was enough explanation, she took one the fried eggs and sandwiched it between two bread slices slathered in the cursed nutella. ”I think Demon Realm stomachs are just tougher than human stomachs,” Vee said between bites of her sandwich. ”Luz told me there was a bunch of foods she couldn’t eat in the Demon Realm, but the others didn’t seem to have any problems with anything from here. Well, except for garlic.”

”What, they couldn’t eat garlic?” Masha asked in-between bites of their own sandwich. ”Like vampires?”

”Precisely,” Vee said with a nod.

”Wait, really?” Masha exclaimed, nearly choking on their food. ”Vampires are real? And they can’t stand garlic? That part’s true!?”

”Yes,” Vee said, smiling at the funny face Masha was making.

”Oh, so that’s why you had cloves of garlic next to your bed,” Marco said and nodded a little. ”It’s to keep the vampires away.”

”Kinda. There aren’t any vampires in Gravesfield (I hope), but it makes me feel safer to sleep with it,” Vee explained. ”Hunter said that basilisks and vampires used to be natural enemies, since, well… we both kinda feed on witches… Garlic is deadly to vampires, and since a lot of witches have vampire ancestry, a lot of them have inherited a garlic allergy.” Vee smiled at a memory. ”Willow’s and Gus’ weren’t that bad, but Amity’s was really bad. Luz was devastated, because one piece of garlic bread meant no more kisses for the day.”

That image garnered a few laughs.

”I can’t wait for you guys to meet Luz, the real Luz,” Vee said. ”She’s the coolest! Seh fights Belos and doesn’t afraid of anything.”

”Well, I think you’re pretty cool,” Masha said. They reached out to hold Vee’s hand, soft skin meeting rough scales. ”My whole life I’ve been looking for signs of the supernatural, for ghosts or demons or what have you… but I never ever dreamed of meeting, much less becoming friends with a living, breathing demon!”

Samuel put a hand on Vee’s shoulder.

”And I’m really happy you felt comfortable enough to tell us your secret,” he said. ”I know it couldn’t have been easy. I’m honored you felt you could trust us that much, and I promise you won’t regret it.”

Marco put his hand on Vee’s other shoulder.

”I used to think Cabin 7 was the coolest cabin in Connecticut,” he said. ”Now I know we’re the coolest in the whole world. I mean, who else can say they have a freakin’ shapeshifter as a friend?

”Aw, you guys…” Ve was struggled to hold back tears. She lost that battle, and big warm tears started rolling don her cheeks. ”I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” she sobbed. ”I wanted to, but I never dared.”

Masha, Samuel, and Marco acted in unison, standing up to embrace Vee in a big group hug.

”Hey, it’s okay, I know what that’s like,” Masha reassured her. ”Keeping a part of yourself secret even to those that love you… it eats away at you. It took me forever to come out to my parents, even though I knew they’d accept me for who I am… anxiety’s a bitch.”

”Th-thanks,” Vee said. She managed to wriggle one arm free to wipe the tears off her face. ”You guys really are the best.”

They stood huddled together for a minute, until Vee felt her love of hugs starting to give way to her fear of being restrained.

”I’m fine, I promise,” she said, trying to wriggle free of the group hug. ”I’m just so happy is all.”

Eventually, the Cabin 7 crew relented with their physical affection and let her go. They had breakfast to finish after all.

The three humans watched with equal amounts fascination and disgust as Vee ate an entire banana, without peeling it. ”The shell doesn’t taste that good, but hey, it’s the inside that counts, right?” she said. And really, who could argue with logic like that?

Her friends had a few more questions about her biology yet.

”Do you shed your skin like a snake?” Samuel asked while helping to gather the dishes.

”Uh-huh,” Vee hummed, putting the dishes in the sink. She decided to be lazy and do them later. ”I actually shed not too long ago. The old skin’s in a box in the basement, if you wanna see it.”

”…that’s a hard pass for me bro,” Marco said. ”Why would you even keep it?”

”What were we supposed to do, throw it out in the garbage?” Vee asked rhetorically. ”You saw how Jacob acted yesterday. After Camila locked him in his own cage, he hasn’t dared to go after us directly. But I don’t think he’s above digging through the trash to find proof there’s a demon living here. As is, everyone thinks he’s a raving lunatic conspiracy nut. Which, to be fair, he is, he just happened to stumble onto the truth this one time.”

The three friends nodded, for the first time realizing just what it would mean if Jacob actually did get proof of demon presence in Gravesfield. The town had a history of witch hunting already, who’s to say the people of today wouldn’t continue the tradition should they learn of Vee’s presence? Not to mention what the government might do to get their hands on an interdimensional traveler.

”It must’ve been incredibly hard for you,” Masha said. They were still playing with the deck of Hexas Hold’em cards, shuffling them and drawing the first three cards. ”To have to pretend to be someone else, in a world you know nothing about.”

”It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure,” Vee admitted. ”But, well… it’s kinda what we basilisks do. We disguise ourselves, observe, lie, infiltrate, feed, survive… a lot of it was pure instinct. I’m a natural liar.”

Samuel shook his head.

”’Liar’ is a bad word,” he said. ”Very strong, very stigmatized. Say you’re a born actor and a natural talent at improv.”

This made Vee laugh.

”If you say so,” she giggled. She cleared her throat and the next time she spoke, her voice was an exact imitation of Samuel’s. ”A lot of it was instinct. I’m a born actor and a natural talent at improv.”

”You’re so gonna have to help me write my résumé,” Masha said to Samuel, prompting a brief chuckle.

”I’ve been thinking of doing NaNoWriMo this year, so I’ve been practicing how to make sentences longer,” he explained. He then had to spend the next fifteen minutes explaining what that was and deflect questions his friends had about the novel he was totally going to write.

After breakfast was done with and the table cleaned up, a natural question arose:

”So… what now?” Marco asked.

”I’m thinking that maybe I should take over as Luz for a little while,” Vee said. ”But I’m not sure. For now though… I suppose the first order of business is to get Camila’s car back. I know she has a spare key in the key cabinet. So I guess that’s today’s project.”

Masha looked skeptical.

”Do you have a driver’s license?”

”No…” Vee admitted. ”But I can turn into Camila, and I’m sure there’s some other identification lying around I could use. And that’s assuming I even get pulled over, and why would I get pulled over?”

”Normally you’d have a point, but the police have been on edge lately with all the break-ins,” Samuel said. ”My mom told me she’s been pulled over five times in her life, and three of them have been in the last month.”

”I think we’re missing something obvious here guys,” Masha said. ”Vee, do you even know how to drive?”

”I mean… no…” Vee said slowly. ”But I’m sure I could figure it out!”

”…I’m driving it home for you,” Masha stated, not leaving it up for debate.

”Yeah, that’s probably for the best,” Vee conceded.

Before they left, Vee quickly grabbed a few cups of brown pellets that she scarfed down. This made Marco raise an eyebrow… not that you could tell.

”Was that…?”

”Dog food, yes,” Vee sighed, clearly having had this conversation before. ”It’s filling.”

”Wow,” Marco said, not sounding particularly impressed or surprised. To be fair, the Luz he had known at camp did seem like she might eat dog food. ”You weren’t lying when you said you were hungry before.”

”I’m still growing!” Vee said with the smallest hint of a pout. Masha drew their attention away from the deck of cards they’d been playing with, since this sounded interesting. ”I’ve got a lot of growing left before I become an adult. I haven’t even been through second puberty.”

”…second puberty?” Samuel asked.

Vee nodded.

”Yeah, it’s, uh… a thing with us basilisks.You know, like… maturing and stuff.” This did nothing to explain anything. ”Point is, I’ve got a lot of growing left to do, and I gotta eat for that.”

”How big do you think you’re going to be?” Masha asked curiously. ”Or like, how long, I guess?”

”Oh, um…” Vee scratched the back of her head. ”About… twelve to fifteen-”

”Twelve to fifteen feet?” Samuel exclaimed, impressed.

”Noooooo,” Vee said. ”Twelve to fifteen meters.”

There was a pause as the three humans processed this answer.

”Bloody hell’s bells,” Masha finally whispered, their eyes wide with awe.

Marco whistled.

”Big snake,” he said.

”That’s putting it lightly,” Samuel muttered. ”Fifteen meters is bigger than the titanoboa, the biggest snake in the fossil record.”

”Haha, yeah, I got tall genes,” Vee said nervously. She shifted into her human form. ”Shall we get going?”

xxXXxx

Gravesfield was beautiful around this time of the year. The warm browns, oranges, and yellows of the trees suited the quaint little town. The air was clear and crisp, with a hint of winter cold in the wind, though today was an unusually warm and sunny autumn’s day. A perfect day for a nice stroll with friends.

Vee’s three human friends still had a plethora of questions that needed answering, not just about her, but about the world she came from. At the same time, Masha resolved to make good on their offer to give Vee a tour of the town. Since Vee already knew her way around, they resorted to the second best option, their specialty: useless historical trivia. And so the conversation kept bouncing between the magical and the mundane as if dictated by a conversational metronome.

”So on the Boiling Isles, all life and magic comes from the Titan whose body actually makes up most of the isles. All magic is made up of four basic elements, light, fire, ice, and plant. It’s really cool too, because when I eat magic I can taste the different elements. So Amity’s abomination magic, for example, is mostly plant elemental, with a bit of light and hints of fire and ice. Now, Gus’ illusions on the other hand are almost completely light elemental…”

”So you’ve all probably wondered why the library in town is called that, right? Okay, you’ve probably never even thought about it, but R.E.O.S Gravesfield Public Library is a pretty odd name, don’t you think? Turns out the old library burned down in 1931, and since this was during the Great Depression, there wasn’t any money to rebuild it. But as luck would have it, the millionaire industrialist, philanthrope, and hobbyist ghost hunter Robert E.O Speedwagon came to visit Gravesfield in 1933. This place was well-known for being haunted even back then. He didn’t find any ghosts, but he apparently took such a liking to the town that he offered to personally fund the construction of a new library. Thus, it was named after him. Speedwagon was an interesting fella, because he wasn’t born into wealth, no, he started out as a thug on the streets of victorian London…”

”Really, I swear, dog food isn’t that bad. Dogs are supposed to be man’s best friend right? Why would you feed your best friend something that’s gross? Amity, Gus, and Willow tried some, and they didn’t think it was half bad. Then again… Hunter nearly threw up… and so did Luz. Huh…”

”Speaking of ghost hunts, one of my favorites has got to be Mr. Hunter, and he actually visited Gravesfield once. As I recall, he wrote that while he didn’t find any ghosts, there was undoubtedly something eerie about this place that he couldn’t put his finger on. Like a subtle hum in the air, inaudible to the human air but still felt in your body. He visited the old graveyard while they were doing some digging and reburials, so maybe he could somehow sense the presence of the titan’s blood? Because I really do believe some people have extrasensory perception. People will say that ’Oh, the Stargate project never found any psychics,’ but do you really think anyone with real psychic abilities would tell the government? Best case scenario, you get locked up and experimented on for the rest of your life…”

”No, no, I’m not exaggerating, it’s an island on top of the body of an ancient giant. It’s just like that one story you told at camp Masha, about that giant that was killed by some gods who made the world out of its body.”

”Oh, you mean the norse creation myth? I love that one, it’s so metal. So in the beginning, there was a land of fire, a land of ice, and a great gap between them…”

It didn’t take too long for Samuel and Marco both to realize (and the fact that Marco noticed just went to show how obvious it was) that they were being slowly excluded from the conversation. There was no malice or ill will behind it, no. It was more so the fact that Masha and Vee seemed to only have eyes and ears for each other.

Vee looked at Masha with such affection and attention whenever they started talking, you could almost see her ears perk up under her hair. And Masha was always up for talking about history or ghosts or whatever else interested them that day, but the excitement with which they spoke to Vee was unparalleled.

As the odd bunch reached the center of town, it had become pretty clear what was going. Marco and Samuel had unintentionally become the third and fourth wheel on a date.

”Ooh Vee, you’ve got to try the new chai latte they’ve got at Robin’s Roast,” Masha said excitedly. ”Do you boys want anything?” They added, once they remembered the boys existed and were present.

”No thanks, I don’t like coffee,” Samuel declined. ”B’sides, I promised I’d be home by lunch, so I better get going.” He glanced at Marco. As per usual, Marco’s expression was nearly impossible to decipher, but it seemed like he got the hint.

”Yeah, and I only drink water,” he said. This was true; he only ever drank regular water. At most he’d treat himself to some ice water. He had never explained why. ”And I probably should get home as well. See you around!” he said and waved as he and Samuel went on their ways.

”See ya!” Vee said and waved back. She turned to Masha. ”And I’d love to try one of those chai lattes.”

”Great. My treat,” Masha said and started leading Vee towards the cafe.

Vee came to a sudden stop though just before they could enter.

”Oh uh,” she mumbled.

”What’s the matter?” Masha asked.

”Um…” Vee mumbled. ”I… don’t really wanna see her,” she whispered and gestured at someone through the window.

Masha took a peek inside the almost empty cafe.

”Who, Clara?” they asked, spotting one of Luz’ classmates. She was easy to recognize, with her bright blonde hair with a streak of pink. ”Did you or Luz get into a fight with her?”

”Wha-no, not Clara, the other one,” Vee said and pointed at the only other person in the room.

”Maya?” Masha said, surprised.

”You know her?”

”Sorta,” Masha shrugged. ”Believe it or not, but I’m a frequent customer at The Magic Circle, that’s where I get all my books on the occult and paranormal. So we kinda know each other. What about you, why don’t you wanna see her?”

”Well, uh…” Vee mumbled. ”We actually went to The Magic Circle the other day while we’re trying to figure out what that old rebus was about, and, uh… we kinda… got kicked out…”

”Ah, I see,” Masha said, a small smile playing at the edge of their lips.

”Really, it was mostly Gus’ and Willow’s fault,” Vee said defensively.

”If you say so,” Masha snickered. ”Don’t worry, I’ll go in and face this challenge alone,” distorting their voice into a dramatic growl, making Vee giggle.

”Alright, I’lll be waiting somewhere around. I don’t wanna stay too close, lest she see me.”

Masha nodded and entered the cafe. Vee turned around and started walking away in a very natural and unsuspicious manner, not at all reminiscent of someone who had just spotted someone who they really did not want to spot them.

She rounded the corner of the block, and realized too late that she had found herself back at the scene of the crime. Literally; The Magic Circle was cordoned off with bright yellow police tape.

What in the…? When did this happen?

Vee approached slowly, watching out for shards of glass on the pavement. Most of them had been swept up and to the side, but there were a few missed glittering in the high sun. Someone had broken open the door, nearly ripping it off its hinges, sending glass flying everywhere in the process. Not only that, but the metal bars that were supposed to stop anyone that had forced open the door had been cut and bent out of shape. Someone really wanted to get into that store.

A fleeting scent reached Vee’s nose, and she instinctively took a deep breath. She dared a little bit closer, almost to the point where she touched the police tape. She could hear people talking and moving inside, likely investigators trying to figure out who was behind this crime. It was not the noise that brought Vee close though, but the scent.

There was a faint smell in the air, a smell Vee recognized. Not from the realm of humans, but one from the realm of demons. It wasn’t magic, but rather the memory of magic, the ”soot” and ”smoke” of a spell. It smelled like someone had performed magic here… but no one, not Amity, not Gus, nor Willow had cast any spells while they were here. And even if they had, that was two days ago. Surely the smell would would have faded away into nothing by now… surely…

xxXXxx

The familiar smell of ground coffee beans and freshly baked pastries greeted Masha as they entered Robin’s Roast, well before the employee behind the counter could. They threw a glance at the sign showing customers that had managed to get themselves permanently banned. A pale woman with grey hair and bright golden eyes and a wild smile; Marilyn. Except that was not her real name. She was Eda the Owl Lady, a powerful witch from another world. She had come here once, tired to pay with a raccoon, cursed the croissants, and then ran away. To be honest, from what Vee had told them, this Eda seemed like an icon of chaos and unadulterated confidence. In other words, very much the kind of person Masha aspired to be.

Masha nodded to Maya before going to place their order. Two chai lattes, and these ones were the best in town. Well, they were the only in town, but still. They were good, Vee was sure to love them. After a moment of consideration, Masha decided to grab two two cupcakes as well. They had a chocolate-and-coffee frosting and were decorated with white and black hearts.

Without thinking, Masha reached into the pocket where they kept the deck of cards. Their thumb brushed over the topmost card. The Red String.

”… on a date?”

”Hm?” Masha hummed and spun around to face the voice taking to them. It was Maya, sitting by her lonesome with a by now cold coffee.

”You on a date?” she repeated, causing Masha’s brain to malfunction.

”Wha-? N-no, it’s not a date! We’re just friends.” Incredibly enough, Masha managed to stutter forth the exact series of words that anyone who was on a date but didn’t want to admit it was a date would say. Amazing. They felt their cheeks begin to heat up.

Maya, as expected, looked unconvinced.

”Yeah sure. And your ’friend’ with the green hair is real subtle.”

”You… saw her?” Masha said, keeping their tone low. Even if Vee’s other friends hadn’t done a crime, it was probably for the better not to draw too much attention to the basilisk hiding amongst humans. They glanced at Clara, who looked absolutely miserable over in the corner of the cafe, sulking with a half empty coffee mug.

”Yeah…” Maya said slowly. ”Kind hard not to, with the green hair and bright orange sweater. She’s like a walking traffic cone.”

That image was enough to make Masha forget their nervousness and start chuckling. Maya didn’t joke often, but when she did, she did not miss.

”She thought you might be mad at her,” Masha explained, still keeping their tone low. ”She said that last time you two met didn’t end so well.”

”Water under the bridge,” Maya said. She stirred her coffee with a spoon, not that it did much good since it was already cold.

”…wasn’t it less than two days ago.”

”Lot of water passes under the bridge in two days,” Maya said with a shrug. She tapped a coin lying on the table. It looked like it could be gold, though it probably wasn’t, and it had a spiral symbol on it. ”But you can let her know that her friends aren’t gonna get in trouble if they come back. I literally could not be arsed to report that stolen costume. And, well… with what happened, another missing costume isn’t that big of a deal.”

”What, what happened?” Masha asked, slipping back to normal conversational tone. Something else had happened at The Magic Circle since then? This was news to Masha.

”You didn’t see it on the way here?” Maya raised her eyebrow. Masha had never claimed to be great at reading facial expressions, but they could somehow decode exactly what Maya meant, calling Masha out on being… distracted by their company.

”If it was something at The Magic Circle, then no, we came from another direction,” Masha said quickly, internally cursing their traitorous body for pumping excessive amounts of blood to their cheeks.

”Yeah, well, someone broke into the store,” Maya said. ”Completely trashed the front door. Hence why I’m here instead of at work.”

”Oh no, that’s terrible,” Masha said. Genuinely, that was their favorite store in town. It was a much-needed haven for a social outcast enby goth like them. ”That’s what, the fifth this month?” The last month or so had seen an unprecedented number of break-ins and thefts happening in the otherwise peaceful little town. The last place to be hit was a private workshop. The thief had made off with thousands of dollars worth in tools, car parts, and electronics. ”Was anything stolen?”

Maya nodded.

”Mhm. No cash though, which is weird, didn’t even touch the safe. No, they stole some costumes and a bunch of jewelry. And cassette tapes, which is even weirder to me. If they were originals, then maybe they’d be worth something, but the ones we have are cheap replicas for nostalgia’s sake.”

Out of the corner of their eye, Masha saw Clara suddenly get up from her chair and hurry out. In her haste, she bumped into Masha. She mumbled a quick sorry and was gone before Masha even had the time to tell her it was fine.

”Geez, what lit a fire under her ass?” Maya said dryly, watching through the window as Clara all but ran her way from Robin’s Roast.

”I dunno, maybe she realized she was late for her class on being a bitch,” Masha said. They almost regretted saying that immediately, because in the grand scheme of things, Clara was not that much of a bitch… though she was far from a saint. Still, it was a funny joke that almost made Maya laugh.

”Yeah, probably,” she said. Her eyes flickered to the floor. ”You dropped something.”

”Oh, thanks,” Masha said and bent down to pick up the Hexas Hold’em cards that had slipped out of their pocket when Clara collided with them.

There were three cards on the floor. Now, you’d think that since The Red String, The Two-Headed Snake, and The Light were the three topmost cards in the deck, those would have been the ones to fall out, but you’d be mistaken. With a slight frown, Masha gathered the cards and looked at them.

The Sword and Shield featured a winged sword and an ornate shield. The card invoked the imagery of a knight or soldier, brave and loyal. It’d be a pity to stain such beautiful things with the blood of war and conflict.

The Golem showed a large and brutish figure made from purple clay. It was probably supposed to be one of those abominations Vee had mentioned Luz’ girlfriend (Amity?) used. A figure crafted with magic, made to defend or attack, but with little will of its own.

The Whip was just that, a whip, though the tip of this one was replaced with a snake’s head. Whips were the weapon of oppressors and animal tamers, who ruled though fear of pain and punishment.

”Oh yeah, and the thief also stole all those cards too,” Maya said, snapping Masha out of their thoughts and back to reality. ”What were they called, Hex n’ Hold’em?”

”Hexas Hold’em,” Masha corrected, shoving the cards back in their pocket.

”Right, right… I think we got them from that creepy conspiracy nut.”

Masha nodded.

”Jacob Hopkins. I got my deck from him as well.”

”You know him?” Maya asked.

”Not really. He used to work at the Historical Society,” Masha explained, which was met by a sympathetic grimace from Maya. ”And yes, he really is as crazy as you think. Or worse even. Did you know he’s an actual flat-earther?”

”Noooooo…” Maya said slowly, in utter disbelief. ”That can’t be true! I though the whole flat earth thing was just a bad meme.”

”I wish I was kidding,” Masha said while shaking their head. ”Flat earth and witches from Mars, ancient aliens that gather in the ruins in the woods… you can see why he got kicked out of the GHS.”

”Good riddance, by the sounds of it,” Maya said.

At this point, the man behind the counter decided he was tired of listening to Maya and Masha’s banter, and so he cleared his throat to get Masha’s attention.

”R-right, sorry,” they mumbled. They quickly paid and with only some difficulty, managed to grab both cups and the paper bag with the cupcakes.

Maya was a gentlewoman and got up from her seat to hold the door open for them.

”Good luck on the date,” she said, which, despite the playfulness to her voice, still sounded genuine deep down.

”It’s not-” Masha’s words were cut off by the door closing.

Masha wasn’t privy to Maya sighing and sitting back again, reaching for the spoon to uselessly stir her coffee again… only to discover the spoon had, as if by an invisible hand, been bent out of shape.

As Masha exited back out onto the sidewalk, they scanned the street for Vee, finding that she was nowhere within sight. Following a hunch, they rounded the corner and indeed, there she was.

Vee was standing in front of The Magic Circle, dangerously close to the trashed door, almost touching the police tape. She was sniffing the air, her eyes closed in concentration.

”Good Goddess, what did you people do!?” Masha said loudly, startling Vee. She almost jumped out of her own skin as she spun around.

”Nothing, I was just curious!” she said quickly, before she even registered who it was talking to her. She relaxed when she saw who was talking to her. Masha noticed her hair move as her big adorable ear moved underneath. ”Oh. Funny. Real funny coming from you, considering you’re my alibi.”

”I dunno, they say criminals always return to the scene of the crime,” Masha said, trying to sound genuine. ”Are you sure it wasn’t you?”

”Positive,” Vee said dryly. ”No, I really was just curious. I thought I could smell something…” She threw a quick glance at the wrecked door and security bars with the hint of a frown. ”But it’s probably nothing.”

”How about we get going again then?” Masha said, holding up the goodies from Robin’s Roast. ”The tea’s getting cold, and i’ve still got many useless. I mean, ’ interesting’ historical facts to tell you. Oh, and I got us a little something extra,” they said and shook the little paper bag, though gently, as to not spill any of the still hot liquid.

Vee’s face lit up at the prospect of food and drink.

”Gladly,” she said excitedly and took the cup Masha was offering. As they started walking away from the depressing sight that was The Magic Circle, Vee smelled the tea carefully.

”You were right, this is amazing,” she said.

”Y-you do know you’re supposed to drink it, right?” Masha asked while taking a sip themselves.

”Oh, I know,” Vee said and took a careful sip. ”But there’s not much difference in smell and taste to me.”

”Really? Can’t you feel any taste?” Masha asked, intrigued. There was still so much about their friend they didn’t know. They recalled what Vee had talked about before, how she normally didn’t chew her food, so maybe it did make sense that she didn’t have much of a sense of taste.

”No, I have a sense of taste, but my sense of smell is a lot more refined,” Vee clarified. ”Didn’t you ever wonder how I became the best seeker in hide and seek back at camp?”

This took Masha a second to process. It was true that whenever the camp counselors made the kids do hide and seek among the barracks or in the nearby woods, ’Luz’ was always the best at finding people… she even earned a little gold star for it, one of many.

”You… you were tracking us… by scent?” they said slowly. Vee nodded with a big grin, revealing Masha probably had a very funny expression.

”Yeah,” Vee said, clearly holding back laughter. ”I remember the very first time we played hide and seek, and I was so confused that no one else was trying to mask their scent. That’s when I realized humans just don’t have that good a sense of smell. Uh, no offense, you humans have a lot of great qualities, especially yo-I mean-”

”That’s why you showed up covered in mud!” Masha exclaimed, suddenly remembering one of the weirder things ’Luz’ had done, and one of the few times she got in trouble at camp.

”That and camouflage,” Vee laughed, prompting Masha to start laughing as well.

Once the laughter died down, the two friends could continue with their walk through town. Masha offered Vee one of the cupcakes.

”Aw, these are so cute,” Vee said, taking a good look at the muffin, before it was to be devoured.

”A cute cupcake for a cute girl,” MAsha said before they could stop themselves. Being unable to see their own face, Masha wasn’t sure if that sentence made them blush harder than Vee, but they suspected that might be the case.

”G-gee, th-thanks,” Vee stammered. ”I-I think you’re cute too. B-but in a cool way! You’re like the coolest person I know! Wh-which I know doesn’t mean that much because I really don’t know that many people, at least when compared to the average human, which I’m not…” Her sentence trailed off at some point before it devolved into complete gibberish.

And so, in only a few seconds, the atmosphere between the two friends changed entirely. They spent a few minutes in awkward silence, wandering the streets of Gravesfield while eating their cupcakes and drinking their tea.

Masha decided to break the silence.

”So, uh… did you say you could smell magic as well?” the asked, recalling something Vee had mentioned offhandedly the night before.

Vee nodded.

”I can track magic by scent as well.” She suddenly smiled again. ”But I can do more than just track,” she said. ”I can tell all sorts of things by smell. Like, did you know Marco uses the same kind of dandruff shampoo as Camila?”

”I didn’t know Marco used shampoo,” Masha said. ”I’ve never been able to smell anything from hm other than that body spray he insists on using way too much off.”

”It really doesn’t smell that good” Vee agreed. ”Okay, but I can also tell that Samuel really need to do something about his foot fungus.”

”Eeeeew!” Masha exclaimed. ”Gross!”

”I know,” Vee said with a nod. ”It’s been pretty bad for a while now, but I noticed that it’s gotten even worse. I’m serious, it can’t be healthy.”

”Ew, ew, ew!” Masha repeated while holding their hands over their ears. ”Talk about something else.”

”O-okay, um… ”Vee thought for a moment. ”Oh, I know, something else I can do. I could tell instantly that your mom was pregnant, right when I first met her.”

…

”SHE’S WHAT!?”

xxXXxx

It took Masha a bit to calm down after that bombshell. The revelation that there were going to have a younger sibling within a couple of months was bad enough, but it was made even worse when they realized that… it must have happened while they were away at camp. Vee was profoundly apologetic about the whole thing, meagerly saying she thought they knew already, which only made things yet worse, because it was apparently an obvious thing too.

Eventually they calmed down, largely thanks to Vee distracting them by asking for more historical trivia.

Vee was a very attentive listener. As Masha had noticed before, they could notice her ears move and perk up when she heard something she thought was interesting. And those big bright eyes were so full of life and wonder at everything. Even when it came to those subjects most people who were not already interested in history found boring and irrelevant. Though Masha made sure to omit some of the more gruesome details, especially regarding the witch hunts.

The two of them spent about an hour walking around Gravesfield, enjoying their chai lattes, cupcakes, the pleasant weather and each others’ company.

As Masha set the course, they dragged Vee along in any random direction, based more so on vibes and any interesting facts they could think of. So it was quite unintentional on their part that they end up where they eventually did end up.

It was towards the south edge of town, where at one point, there had been a big push towards development. Land had been purchased and forest cut down to make way for new housing and businesses. Pretty much all of those grandiose and ambitious ideas had been abandoned for a variety of reasons… and one huge reason, the primary reason really, was what Vee and Masha found themselves looking at.

Masha came to a halt when they realized where they were, an abrupt halt that took Vee by surprise. She followed Masha’s gaze, beholding the modern ruins.

The entire area was cordoned off by a chainlink fence to keep modern urban explorers out… not that it had succeeded, as the gate had been forced open, and was only kept closed by a rock someone had placed in front of it.

Beyond the fence was a large field of asphalt, which had once had lines for parking spaces, though since long worn out. Cycles of heat, and rain, and cold without any upkeep had over the years made the asphalt start to crack. Life, ever persevering, had started to reclaim the area, with grass, weeds, and flowers growing from the cracks.

On the other end of the old parking lot stood the remains of a building. Crumbling slabs and blocks of concrete, with rusting metal beams and rebar sticking out of it like the bones of a rotting corpse. Almost every visible wall that was still standing was covered in graffiti, some so old that it had started to fade away.

Masha broke the silence.

”That… used to be a big department store,” they said slowly. ”Built in 1998, it would even remain standing for a decade. Shoddy workmanship, corrupt inspectors approving subpar construction, and the ever-present desire of those who already have more than they need to earn even more, to increase the profit margin by even just a fraction of a percent…” They stopped before they got too carried away. They had spent a lot of time looking into this case, and everything they had learned had made them more angry. They took a deep breath to calm themselves down. At their side, Vee had a mixed look of confusion and worry.

”Are… you okay?” she asked quietly. She started to reach out, but stopped halfway.

”Yeah, I’m fine, it’s just… it makes me mad,” Masha said, though Vee didn’t look very reassured. ”It was during a summer of heavy rainfall that part of the roof collapsed,” Masha continued, doing their best to slip back into history teacher mode. ”Two people received minor injuries, one employee and one customer. Examination of the wreckage as well as the original blueprints lead to the entire building being condemned and left here. The parent company promised to clean it up, but of course, nothing has happened yet. It’s only been fifteen years after all, give it some time.” Again, Masha couldn’t help but let the disgust seep through their words.

”It was the opinion of several independent experts that a leak on the roof, a problem which was known about by the staff, lead to supporting beams beginning to rust and for the roof to weaken,” Masha continued. ”Furthermore, partway through the construction, there was a change of plans and part of the air conditioning system was moved, putting additional weight on a part of the roof that was not designed to bear it. One investigator went as far as to claim that the construction company had knowingly used substandard materials in order to cut down costs. Of course, they were never taken to court for this.”

Masha stepped on a small pebble on the ground, rolling it under their shoe and fiddling with it. Vee stood by, silently waiting for the next part of the story.

”I was here on that day,” Masha said finally. ”I wasn’t old enough to remember, I was only a little over a year old when it happened, but my dad has told me the story. It was in the afternoon on the seventh of June, 2007. My parents had been visiting my mom’s family living in the next town over. On the way back home, they stopped by here to get something for dinner.”

Masha stopped and pointed at a spot close to the ruins.

”I don’t know if you can see it, but there’s some flowers growing in some of the bigger cracks over there. Mom and I planted them there on dad’s birthday last year. I don’t remember what the flowers are called, but they’re supposed to represent life.”

They cleared their throat.

”Anyway… it had been raining cats and dogs all day, so dad was supposed to head in alone while mom waited in the car with me. But just as dad was about to leave… I started crying. He said that I was sleeping before, but the suddenly… I sat up and started crying. But not just crying… he said… he told me that I was screaming. And that he had never heard me scream like that, not before, not since, not even when I broke my arm in second grade.”

Even the brief mention of that painful memory made Masha rub their arm, even though it was completely healed.

”So… dad stayed, you know, to try and figure out why I was screaming bloody murder. And… that’s when they heard a a loud rumbling and a terrible crash. Mom said that at first she thought it was thunder, and that maybe it was a lightning bolt that frightened me. But no, the sound was not thunder, it was the roof collapsing… right above the entrance. If my dad had left when he was supposed to, if I hadnät started crying…”

”Then he would’ve been caught in the collapse,” Vee finished the sentence, met by a nod from Masha.

”Mhm.”

”You saved his life then,” Vee said tentatively, still not sure why Masha was telling her this.

”In a sense,” Masha mumbled, their hand in their pocket, fidgeting with the Hexas Hold’em cards. They pulled out the deck and held them up for Vee. They spoke slowly, hesitating. ”Are… you sure there’s no magic left in these?”

Vee frowned and took the cards. She smelled them carefully, flipping through the deck. It honestly looked kinda funny.

”No,” she said after a little while. ”Not even a little spark. Even the memory of magic is gone. All I can smell on them is you.” She handed the cards back and made an attempt at a smile. ”There’s literally not enough magic in them to do a card trick.”

Masha couldn’t help but smile at the joke, and they couldn’t help but giggle at how adorably proud Vee looked over herself for that pun.

”I really did think there might still be some magic left in them,” Masha said, shuffling the deck.

”Why?” Vee asked.

”Because…” Masha took a deep breath. Why was this so difficult to talk about? It really shouldn’t be. ”Last night, at the Haunted Hayride, just before we ran into you and Jacob… I drew some cards…”

One more deep breath. Inhale, exhale. This was the moment. Time to see if they really were crazy.

They drew the first card in the deck.

”The Two-Headed Snake. A being that is dual in nature, something that is not what it appears to be at first,” Masha said. They handed the card to Vee, who was looking… how would you describe the look? Eyes wide, mouth open and jaw slack. Flabbergasted, perhaps? One might even go as far as to say she looked gobsmacked.

They drew the second card in the deck.

”The Light illuminates and reveals things in the dark.” They handed that card to Vee.

They drew the third card in the deck.

”The Red String. A deep connection.” Masha swallowed. ”Like friends, or people who are destined to meet.” They handed that card over to Vee as well. ”I didn’t know it at the time, but in hindsight… it’s an odd coincidence, right? The Two-Headed snake is obviously you, a snake with multiple faces. Then we have the light which reveals things, just like how you revealed the truth to us, shed light on the situation so to say. And The Red String, well… we were obviously connected, since we became friends at camp and then ran into each other again, even after you became someone else.”

”That… does… make sense… kinda,” Vee said, talking slowly as she tried to process what was going on.

”And it’s not only that, but this night, I shuffled the deck again and I drew those exact same three cards,” Masha said, their voice ramping up as they got more worked up. ”And now I pulled the same three cards again! That can’t be random chance, it just can’t! I thought there might be some magic left in the cards, but if there isn’t…” The sentence trailed off.

Of course they had thought about it many times before, of course, what kid hadn’t? That dream every misunderstood kid has, the dream of being special. Masha had poured over books, badly produced documentaries, and no end of shady internet forums talking about psychic powers and the like. People whi claimed they could see ghosts, or bend spoons, or see the future. susually, these people wanted you money, but every so often there appeared to be someone genuine. And even more rarely, there appeared to be someone who really could do the magical things they claimed.

”Actually…” Vee said slowly, scratching the back of her head. She gave the three cards back to Masha, who shuffled them back into the deck. ”There’s no magic in the cards, and they weren’t enchanted with oracle magic, so they couldn’t tell the future anyway… but maybe there’s something… special about you. Because, um…” Her gaze fell to the ground, like she was avoiding eye contact. ”You do… smell kinda weird.”

”Weird in what way?” Masha said a little too quickly, for the moment forgetting what they were talking about and everything Vee had said before that.

”I-it’s not b-bad or anything, just… strange,” Vee assured them, still not meeting their eyes.”You smell of… metal.”

”…metal?” Masha said, confused. ”What kind of metal?”

”It’s not really like any metal I know,” Vee clarified. ”It’s more like a metallic smell.”

”And that’s weird?” Masha asked, trying to get Vee to explain just what she was talking about.

”Yeah…” Vee finally looked up again, meeting Masha’s eyes with hers. ”I was super confused when we first met, because no other human smelled like you. They all smelled like soap, and hormones, and regular stuff. And you did too, but you also had that other smell. But… you remember Dr. Jante?”

Masha nodded. Of course they remembered the head honcho at camp. It was undeniably ironic that Reality Check Camp, which aimed to make weird kids ”normal” was created and lead by Dr. Jante, a man who was inarguably a massive weirdo himself.

”He smelled like that too,” Vee said. ”So I just kinda figured some humans smelled like that. But if what you’re saying is true, then maybe there is something more to it. Maybe… maybe humans can do magic too! My kind evolved to track witch magic, not human magic, so maybe that’s why I wouldn’t recognize it!”

”D-do… do you really think so?” Masha said. It actually took them some effort to hold back a tear. Vee, someone so incredibly special, a real demon from a world of magic and miracles thought they might be magical too. It was everything they could've ever dreamed of.

”I mean, what else could it be?” Vee said enthusiastically. "You said it yourself, the chances of getting those same three cards three times in a row are astronomical. So if a funny coincidence is off the table, then what’s left?”

”Could I really be magic? For real?” Masha asked, their voice shaking, not out of stress, or anger, or sadness, no. Out of joy; they had a big dumb smile on their face. They looked down at their hands, halfway expecting sparks to fly from their fingertips. ”Can that really be true?”

”i don’t know that it couldn’t be true,” Vee said with a shrug and a big smile of her own. ”Why don’t we ask the cards?”

”Oh… yeah!” Masha said, excited. Of course, what kind of fortune teller were they, standing here asking questions, when they should be consulting the cards. They shuffled the cards again while Vee shuffled next to them to get a good look.

The first card had an image of a black bird.

”The Raven,” Masha said, saying the first thing that came to their mind. ”An oft maligned bird, it’s nonetheless intelligent and beautiful in its own way.”

The next card showed a single arrow with an ornate metal arrowhead.

”The Arrow. A… weapon of war, or…” Masha bit their lip, trying to figure out what the card was trying to tell them. ”Direction? Showing the the way or going somewhere.”

The third cad had a crystal ball from which a ghostly figure was emerging.

”The Spirit. A teller of the future summoned to give wisdom or aid to the living.”

”Seems clear as day to me,” Vee said. She pointed at the first card. ”The bird is obviously you, ’oft maligned, but intelligent and beautiful.’ And this arrow…” Vee moved her finger from The Raven, in the direction of The Arrow, which was pointing at… ”The Spirit. That’s the symbol of the Oracle Coven, and they can see the future.” She beamed at Masha.

”I…I.” Masha didn’t know what to say. They finally lost the battle against the tears, as small droplets of joy started rolling down their cheeks. ”Thank you,” they whispered, leaning in even closer to Vee. ”You have no idea how much this means to me.”

”O-oh, it’s really no big deal,” Vee laughed awkwardly, her face becoming a deep red color. ”I jus-”

Masha interrupted her by pulling her into a deep hug. Vee made an ”Eep!” sound and stood frozen for a second before she returned the embrace, holding on to Masha hard.

She held on very hard.

Almost a little too hard.

”V-vee,” Masha said after about a minute. ”It’s.. getting hard to breathe.

”Ohmygosh, so sorry!” Vee yelled and let Masha go, nearly pushing them over in the process. ”I’m so sorry!” she said again, hr face red as a beet. ”I, uh… constrictor instinct?”

Despite being short of breath, Masha couldn’t help but laugh at that, which in turn made Vee giggle awkwardly.

”You know,” Masha said as they dried their tears. ”When we first started on this walk, I didn’t expect to learn this much about myself. Mostly I expected to teach you boring history facts and maybe to learn a bit more about you, and…” They stopped at a realization. Something they, both of them, had forgotten. Something kinda important.

”What is it?” Vee asked, noticing the change in Masha’s expression.

”…we forgot the car, didn’t we?”

”…we did.” Vee sighed. ”Aw, shoot.” The walk back would be almost an hour.

xxXXxx

Going back in time a bit, to when Clara left the cafe in such a hurry. She had gone to the right, the opposite direction of The Magic Circle. She did not want to see the scene of the crime, she was desperate to avoid it. Coming to Robin’s Roast, so close, had been a mistake.

What no one knew at this point in time was that if Clara had walked past The Magic Circle at that moment, past Vee, the basilisk in hiding… then this story would have had a very different ending. Sadly, that was not to be. Fate, it would seem, has a sense of humor.

To Be Continued…

#the owl house #fanfiction #fanfic #the owl house fanfiction #vee #veesha

[juliedrawz]

I saw some old posts where people addressed Héctor's flaws. I got stomach aches reading them because I think they got it totally wrong! I couldn't get it out of my mind, so here I am, putting my salt into the soup!

~

First things first, EVERYONE's got flaws! Nobody is perfect. Everyone's done and is doing mistakes. And with Héctor, we need to look very carefully, consider 1. His character and 2. His situation.

Right off the bat, what some see as flaws are actually GOOD character traits merely tending to bring trouble because the world is dark and twisted most of the time! Héctor is one of the most selfless and altruistic characters ever! He'd give everything for those he loves and this immense love also makes him reckless sometimes.

Let's beginn with the first flaw pointed out by others.

"Héctor let himself be persuaded to go on tour with Ernesto. He should have said no."

Yes, Ernesto talked Héctor into his idea, BUT, they were best friends! As close as brothers! Héctor came along because 1. He loved Ernesto and 2. He wanted to provide for his wife and daughter! Even if that meant he had to do something he was slightly uncomfortable with. Ignoring his wants to stay at home, he took the chance! He took the risk. If being away for a while meant more money and hence a better life for his family, he gladly make that jump! It is absolutely selfless but also admireble! Like, that's what a good father does! He couldn't have know how much Ernesto would change during that time, nor that he would eventually snap and get him killed. And Héctor did stand up for himself! He's not a weak, idiot who let's himself get pushed around! Most of the time he's just peace seeking and slow to anger! Which, are RIGHT traits according to God! And to me too! It might get you hurt and some people might take adventage of your kindness but what exactly is bad then? Your kindness, selflessness or those mean people? Aha, see what I'm getting at? Nobody should change their positove traits or harden their hearts just because others are in darkness! It's a whole different thing to draw lines and stand up for yourself. And Héctor does!

"His irresbonsibility"

*big sigh* Ok, there are 2 reasons mentioned to put the stamp irresponsible on Héctor's forehead and it get's me mad!

The thing about him lending things and losing them all! Well, Héctor tried desperatly to cross the flower bridge for decades! He tried everything to cross. Lending himself stuff and noz being able to return them wasn't because he's careless and irresponsible! He just couldn't bring them back! Take a look at his broken bones, his knocked out teeth, his scratches and THINK for a second! All the horrific accidents he must have gotten into. He surely aimed to bring each and every item back but they all got lost or destroyed in the process. And I don't think Héctor made an attempt to cross with it most likely failing at the back of his mind. He just went for it! Remember how he bolted forward once he was through the check? All his mind is focused on is "I need to get to and see my baby!" And before that it was "I need to get to and see my wife and baby!"

If Héctor had the chance to bring the items back, he would have! He wanted to take the Frida costume back but who forbit him to do so? The officer! (Joke's on him though because it'll be Ceci giving him hell later"

He was being irresponsible with Miguel ...

Someone said it would have been easier to just hand over Miguel to the police and have them sort it out! Well, have you seen how Miguel ran from his own family to get his way? He ran from Héctor too once he figured out Miguel had relatives around! Héctor helped Miguel first and foremost because out of desperstion! Miguel was the BIGGEST ticket for him to be able to cross, by letting him bring the photo back. But for Miguel to do so, he had to help him bring him to Ernesto. And that's what Héctor did. He tried hi best to get Miguel to Ernesto as fast as possible. Not to forget, that it was a race of life and death for both.

And Miguel is a kid! And obviously he's acting like one now and then! And Héctor paniced when Miguel ran off. Because he worried for him! If his deal wouldn't work, he would look for another way but Miguel could die! Yes, Héctor might not always make right decissions, but he is giving his best and he always means well! And we also need tp consider his condition! He knows he'll most likely not last the night, yet he still risks that and helps Miguel.

Of course we see Hèctor later on pleading with Miguel one last time that they had a deal but then in the cenote, he caves in. He's getting weaker by the second, the process of him fading has begun. And even through his pain, he is still comforting Miguel.

Him being clumsy and him lying is also often seen as one of his flaws. And while I absolutely agree, that yes, he's a huge clutz and he's both accident prone and sometimes too reckless when it comes to his own health and savety, I wouldn't call his lying a flaw in the classical way. Because, the only times we see Héctor lying in the movie is so he can get as much as a hinge closer to his goal of crossing the bridge. That's how important his daughter is to him! Lying is never good, but he lies out of desperation. (In my book, young Héctor sometimes used his catch phrase "That was a lie! I apologize for it!" as a means of his humor, and, or to calm his opposite. And Héctor is darn humorous!

Now to what I point out in my book, not necessarily flaws but things that get Héctor into trouble often

His kindness

His altruismn, selflessness

Him ignoring his own needs and wants for the wellbeing of others

His clumsiness

His recklessness

His trait to always see the good in people

His stubborness

And while most of those are wonderful character traits, as mentioned above, in a world where such personalities as Hèctor are rare, it's hard to get around.

What do you guy's think?

#pixar coco #coco 2017 #coco hector #héctor rivera

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 33

welcome to the thirty-third fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. Rose-Colored Boy by melancholymango

“I missed you, you know.”

“Yeah?” Lance sighed, warm and giddy, clearly not absorbing how serious the words truly were. Keith nodded his head for a few seconds, not trusting himself to speak around the size of his emotions. He was suddenly brought back to the years alone on the whale, when all he’d had to keep him going was memories of his friends, of Lance.

“Yeah.” Keith said, more certainty in his voice now. He reached down, hesitantly threading his fingers through Lance’s and giving his hand a squeeze. Lance tensed next to him. “I still do.”

“I mean, I’m right here.”

“Are you? You still seem pretty far away.”

again i know im not really big on those fics that make the team out to be deliberately cruel, but sometimes its cathartic tbh. sometimes you remember canon and ur just like yeah what if he got angry. what if someone got angry for him. what then. and mango gives us that

2. Swamp of Sorrows by SwissArmyKnife

Pike gets exposed to acidic ooze, which leads Block (& Keith) to make a few discoveries about their party’s rogue.

“We can't leave them like this,” Meklavar said of Valayun and Pike, who’d been laid beside the fire. "Look at how bad those welts are." She came up with a bottle of oil and a cake of soap. "I can smell water nearby. We can get them washed and roll them in a blanket to sleep off the spore. What do you think?"

"I think it's our only choice," Takashi said.

monsters and mana fic!!!!! everybody say YES to righteous anger on pike’s behalf. and also say yes to pike bc i love him. this fic is interesting bc its a little tense and awkward bc this ragtag team of misfits doesnt quite trust each other yet but they also cant quite stop themselves from caring about each other. so even though they dont all agree on eveyrthing and dont agree about all, they do agree that pike needs more care than he got. also unrelated but the fact that shiro’s m&m name is fucking takashi kills me every time like man just wants to be himself 💀

3. Beneath the Champagne Sea by SwissArmyKnife

The paladins make a diplomatic visit to a planet with sexual dimorphism roughly opposite that of Earth. Women are larger and more powerful, while men are leaner and smaller. Cue their horror at gaunt, sickly Pidge and mild disgust with the ’womanly’ Shiro. Lance hits the sweet spot. He's got the build and features to draw the eyes and the charm to keep them. Their hosts are quite taken with him, in particular the daughter of the queen, whose forwardness is a comic reversal of Lance’s usual dynamic with women. Lance likes the attention and finds her intriguing, but eventually things take a discomforting turn.

Lance tried to step around her, wanting to walk away from a conversation that seemed less and less likely to end well, but Leh’n seized his wrist before he could. Her grip was tight, and freeing himself would require an act of aggression, which he still wanted to avoid. ‘Think of the mission, of how important it is to get the castle up and running again,’ he coached himself.

Still, that did nothing to stop his blood pressure from skyrocketing as Leh’n leaned closer and said. “I am not accustomed to reluctance.”

i swear to god that ive recced this before, but i couldnt find it in my records so here it is!! this fic is endlessly fascinating. the exploration of gender roles is super interesting, considering who is impacted in this fic and how. the discussion about beauty standards, power imbalances, the alien wrench in things was so cool! and i think lance, who is very much someone who rides that gender lines in terms of presentation of hobbies and even chracter traits, makes sense as the main character here. interesting think piece. 

4. you had me at merlot by @ryomakun

“Oh my God,” Lance says as he covers his face. Keith’s tinny voice blares from his laptop speakers: “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.” See, this joke might have been funny if someone charismatic and charming had said it, but Keith’s flat voice and even flatter expression effectively kidnaps, tortures, and then decapitates any chance of it being remotely humorous.

--

Keith accidentally starts a YouTube channel. Lance, of course, refuses to be left out. It goes about as well as you'd expect. (Ft. copious amounts of wine and a truly shameless number of references to MyDrunkKitchen, DailyGrace, and general pop culture)

this fic is HILARIOUS. its one of the firsts i ever screenshotted for the scrapbook i have of fics that made me laugh out loud. i offer you this one part that really made me giggle: 

““It tastes good,” Keith says petulantly as he glares at the accusing finger Hunk has pointed at him. “No offense Hunk but that stuff you gave me for my twenty-first tasted like feet and antiseptic.”

“That was a merlot,” Hunk wails. “The good kind, too!”

Ignoring them, Lance stands in front of the rum selection. This is why he didn’t want to bring anyone. They might call him loud and embarrassing, but at least he doesn’t yell inside WalMart about the virtues of a “real red wine.” An elderly couple passes through, eying the bickering three. Lance resolutely pretends he is here shopping by himself.“

the way they are so ridiculous that LANCE of all people is embarrassed of them...cinema. also this fic is peak bc it has klance as enemies to lovers and childhood friends to lovers at the same time. iconique

5. Flayed by @admiralcanthackett

Lance gets hit with a face full of spores and it leaves him wracked with pain. Touch is the only relief he can find.

yes i know i tag this author all the time but in my defense there was a point in my life where i was OBSESSED with faer fics. truly. anyways this one has unexpectedly protective keith, like to a very high degree, and im loving the heavy themes of trust and emotional as well as physical vulnerability 

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

#pretty varied this week tbh!! #anyways #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #team as family #lance & hunk #established klance #enemies to lovers #fic rec #fic rec friday #langts #monsters & mana

[mango-bango-bby]

another request for midoriya and isamu cus I’m fully obsessed with them now.

like your isamu’s FAVORITE person in the whole wide world. so for valentines she makes you the most beautiful card/ present ever. like it has stickers, ribbons, drawings, cards, literally everything. her gift stands out. all your other students give you gifts as well. your students ask you if you have a special someone. you say you don’t and everyone is surprised. how someone as special and amazing as you don’t have someone?!? you deserve the best person. who isn’t better than the No. 1 hero Deku. Then Isamu goes to her father excitedly to tell him that you are single.

♡ Valentine ♡

(A/N: I know it’s not even close to Valentine’s Day but this request was just so cute I had to write it!! I just love single dad!Deku au, and honestly I’m glad that you’re obsessed with them because I am too!!)

Content Warning ⚠️: Yandere, domestic stuff, children, fluff

Summary: Isamu is in shock that you don’t have a valentine and immediately goes to tell Izuku that he needs to be your valentine (Yan!Izuku x GN!reader)

Masterlist ➸ ♡

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

You loved holidays in your classroom, today your class was celebrating Valentines Day. You didn’t have a date for valentines but you got enough gifts from your students make up for it. You had already gotten so many cards, candies, also Radom things your students found to give to you. And that was before Isamu walked in.

You knew Isamu loved having you as a teacher, often begging to stay in your classroom during lunch and recess. And it wasn’t as if she didn’t have friends or was being bullied, in fact she was probably the most popular in the class considering her father was a pro-hero. No, she just wanted to be with you all the time. She would even try to leave the room with you when it was nap time. She just loved you.

You look over at all the cards that you brought home from your students, Isamu’s definitely stood out. The front was a crudely drawn picture of you and her holding a hands.

On the inside it was almost unreadable but you assume it said ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’. It stood out from all the ribbons, the glittery heart stickers, the washi tape, and even more glitter. And that wasn’t even all considering she also came to school with a bunch of candy for you.

You chuckle a bit, remembering your students faces when you told them that you don’t have a valentine. Isamu immediately raised her hand, quickly taking the opportunity to tell you that her father didn’t have a valentine either and that you should be her fathers valentine.

Then the rest of the class began asking you to be their valentine or for you to be their parents valentine. However you didn’t know the first thing that Isamu did when she got home was tell her father that you didn’t have a valentine.

♡ ♡ ♡

“Papa!” Isamu yells as soon as they get into the home, yelling as loud as she possibly can. “W-What is it?” Izuku asks, almost concerned as to why she had such a serious look on her face.

Izuku had a pretty obvious crush on you, more than a crush actually. He would try talk to you every time he picks up Isamu, sometimes during slow shifts he watches you, watches you live your life and basically stalk you a bit.

He really wants you, yet every time he tries to talk to you he just gets so nervous. “Mx. Y/n doesn’t have a valentine!” Isamu yells, clearly distraught by the idea that you were going to be alone for Valentine’s Day. She wanted you to be her other parent so bad especially because she could see that her father liked you.

Izuku stands for a moment in thought. You were lonely, you needed someone like Izuku! Perhaps him and Isamu might have to ‘accidentally’ run into you while you were out.

Next year, he would be your valentine.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Thank you for reading, darling!!

#domestic yandere #yandere izuku #yandere izuku x reader #yandere midoriya #yandere Midorya x reader #yandere!deku #yandere deku #yandere deku x reader

[vaguely-humanoid-form]

thanks, Matt

matpat means.... a lot to me, to say the least. I was raised in a single parent household and l haven't really considered myself to have a dad for a long time. while yes, I do technically have a dad, that's only really in the context of genetics. and my daddy issues but that's not important.

what is important is that matpat was my father, in a way. he was dubbed the title of "internet dad" long after he had already been one to me. he's part of the reason that I am the person I am today.

this piece exists because of matpat, for many reasons.

one, because I sobbed watching "goodbye internet" and want to do something special for his retirement.

two, because fnaf is the entire reason that I create what I do today, and that is partially heavily credited to matpat for overanalyzing a game about murderous animatronics in a pizzeria that I was obsessed with the moment I found out about it. 7 year old me was hooked, man.

and then I think through that, I found even more creators, which led to even more hyperfixating on weird nerdy shit, which led to me making more and more art.

and now, here I am. I'll be 17 years old in April. I graduate high school in one year.

I'm growing up.

not that I haven't been for my whole life because, well, that's how that works.

but I am nearing the true "end" of my childhood.

this year is fnaf's ten year anniversary.

this year marks a decade with game theory.

this year marks the beginning of the end.

I look back on my childhood. I went back to make one quick edit of my incredibly old Instagram account that I had way before I should've even had it.

I look back on the friends I had. I look back on all of the early-mid 2010s shit I posted and I smile. because it's cringe. it's cringe as hell and it's beautiful because of that.

and the nonsense theories are beautiful, and every single theory is beautiful because it exists. because it stems from the need to learn and think and have fun.

because that's what theorizing is about, in the end.

having fun.

matpat means a lot to me.

matpat is the reason that I am the person typing out this post. matpat is the reason that I am the person who spent 6 hours and 45 minutes drawing a piece featuring undertale and fnaf characters in it.

matpat inspires me to exist. and create. and think and learn and seek and everything.

yes, it's a bit parasocial. but it's hard for it to not be considering that I've spent more than half of my life growing alongside this man, seeing him grow in real time in tandem with myself.

I'm growing up.

but I still feel like a kid.

that's good and bad.

the bad is the part of my childhood that I didn't get to have because of my puberty hitting early. it's the fact that some of me is still a 12/13 year old in 2020. it's how the internet affected my growth.

the good is the part of me that still gets unreasonably excited when one of my interests gets brought up "in the wild." it's the fact that I love stuffed animals. it's how the internet affected my growth.

I look back on myself as a kid and, yes, I do indeed get embarrassed or genuinely cringe at how I was in some aspects. but I smile.

because it's me.

despite everything, it's still me.

despite everything, I'm still me, and matpat is still matpat, and despite every single thing that we've all gone through,

we're still us.

I remember one year, I bought myself the theorist varsity jacket with some Christmas money or something.

my best friend has the theorist backpack, I'm pretty sure.

hell, matpat's probably one of the reasons that they are my best friend.

two absolute geeks of GT kids, bonding over the nerdy stuff they liked, probably talking about theories. I don't remember super well, that was elementary school, man.

but isn't that incredible?

the fact that I'm still friends with someone I met in the first grade because of nerdy people like matpat.

I am forever grateful that I found the game theorists and became part of that group. so much of who I am is because I am a theorist. because I found one guy on the internet making overanalytical videos about games.

matpat means a lot to me. and if in case he somehow reads this whole weird ramble prose post open letter thingy, then I hope it means something to him.

but, hey, that's just a theory.

thanks for everything, Matt. <3

#ripley doesn't say stuff #ripley doesn't know how to draw #my art #game theory #the game theorists #matpat #im not gonna cry again. but i kinda want to #fnaf #undertale

[chuckle-lore]

Episode 5- February 27th, 2021- 10th Chuckle Lore 🎉

Lore(?)-

20:28 Charlie plays golf and Ted spies from afar. Every stroke Charlie goes over par, Ted breaks a finger/shoots a puppy (wether he does both of these or switches off from one to another is unclear)

36:29 Schlatt is stuck in the atomic cube. What exactly is the atomic cube? I’m not sure, all I know is that it also has atomic locks.

There used to be a fourth member that no one else remembers

37:47 Charlie mentioning money reboots Schlatt

49:32 Charlie is in the Void Dome and he can’t remember the face of his own mother

The reason I added (?) to the lore is because I’m not sure if I can consider it canon. Throughout the episode Charlie mentions that is isn’t a episode recording but instead a practice run to see what jokes they will include for the real episode and in the end Ted reveals that he was secretly recording the whole time which leaves me in a pickle. Schlatt and Charlie were playing along with all the bits/potential lore BUT that was when they thought this wasn’t an official episode, the validity of this episode’s lore is rocky at best but there is some lore that is much more definite…

With the reveal of Ted secretly recording episode five, we get more firm confirmation of Ted’s morally dubious and manipulative character.

Also Charlie making various remarks about how he was probably not going to be in the next “real recording” shows how much he did not want to be there and was most likely an attempt to leave the podcast all together. Not to go all Matpat mode over here but it seems fairly likely that Ted is making Charlie be in cs against his free will and possibly Schlatt too to an extent considering both men have discussed their distaste of Ted in previous episodes (mainly episode 2). I believed that Schlatt is under a contract and is being paid just enough to stay meanwhile Charlie is more peer pressured by Ted to keep going.

Thoughts:

Jumping back into an older episode after watching a streak of the newer episodes definitely threw me off. The editing in this at times almost felt like they were jangling keys in front of me so I can keep watching and the worst part is that it worked. There would be times that I would start to zone out and all of a sudden Ted has Hatsune Miku’s hair or a sound effect goes off and I am paying attention again.

Also this episode put in perspective how much current cs shoves in sex stuff. The whole I was just waiting for some kind of sex joke or ten minute long gag about how Schlatt wants to put his junk into something and to my surprise, there was nothing extremely explicit, I don’t even think anyone said the word fuck in the whole episode. The only explicit reference we get is when Schlatt moans after high-fiving Charlie too hard and it was the funniest part in the whole episode. This is probably a hot take from me but I think cs is becoming over saturated with sexual stuff and bits like the high-five moan would not of land half as hard if it were placed into current episodes. If anyone wants to have a discussion about this I am more than happy to talk to y’all.

Overall I think this episode was fine, it had its iconic moments but I don’t think I would actively search for it, 7/10, :)

Things I noted:

I miss the fanart in the beginning of the episodes. I want it back so bad.

Schlatt’s voice sounds higher(?) than his voice in newer episodes

Ted’s hallway kept changing colors

Older episodes were DEFINITELY caters to visual watchers

I’m so upset that I can’t tell if this episode is canon or not because there being a fourth member that was erased from existence would of been so cool for the lore.

(Original notes + favorite comment interaction? under the cut)

Funfact: I can’t draw Schlatt for the life of me

#ep. 5 #chuckle sandwich #chuckle sammy #chuckle lore #ted nivison #jschlatt #schlatt #charlie slimecicle #slimecicle #Youtube

[astxrwar]

blunt force trauma [3/x]

SYNOPSIS: traumatized!Bucky x Brainwashed!supersoldier!reader.

Rating: M

Word Count: 5k

Content Warnings: Brief mention of a suicide joke made in passing. Bucky has issues, so MH/trauma topics will feature heavily in this work; I will CW for them every time. Canon-typical violence.

Check out the tag "fic; blunt force trauma" for Content (there's a playlist!!) + Ao3 chapter notes for extras if you're interested. <3

Read on AO3

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That Wednesday, Yori has a cold. 

Bucky spends a few minutes just going back and forth with him through the cracked-open door of the guy’s apartment, asking if he needs tissues or aspirin or fucking�� soup, or something, because he’s old, right, properly old, and he’s kind of worried about him. Yori insists it’s just a regular cold and that he’s fine and that Bucky is under no circumstances to buy him anything because he’s fine, and that he’s not going to be going out with him tonight or so much as opening the door all the way. 

“Might get you sick,” is what he says. “Bad manners.”

That’s not physically possible, Bucky wants to tell him, but doesn’t, can’t, for a lot of reasons, most of them— pretty fucking awful.

He tries not to think about it.

“Okay,” Bucky says eventually. “Okay, fine, but we’re still on for next week, right?”

Yori is silent for a beat. “Yes,” he says, from behind the door, and then, gruff and vaguely scolding, “You need to make friends that are-- younger. I am getting too old for this.”

Bucky scoffs. Yori tells him this a lot. “I’m working on it,” he says, which is what he says back every time. 

It’s bullshit. 

He thinks about that piece of paper, folded up and pressed between the pages of Steve’s notebook, heavy in the chest pocket of his jacket like it’s burning a hole right through it.

Mostly. It’s mostly bullshit.

~

Yori goes and— sleeps, or something, or whatever people do when they get sick, and he goes back to his apartment. 

Bucky realizes a lot of things really quickly, after shutting the door and locking it and flipping the lights; things like the fact that he’s not usually here, at this time, that he generally wouldn’t be back for another hour, sometimes more. That she’s probably been watching him, and that she’s probably learned his schedule by now, because it’s exactly what he would have done. That if she were to pick a time to go through his apartment and try to find answers without having to talk to anybody–which is also exactly what he would have done– she’d either be doing it now, or when he’s at therapy.

He realizes after shutting the door– kind of embarrassingly late, all things considered– that he’s not alone.

And then he remembers that being taken by surprise used to be a pretty significant trigger for him, in the early days. 

This time, when she tries to hit him, he doesn’t move out of the way— she’s not putting a fucking hole through his door, that’d be such a pain in the ass, there’d be no way to get out of explaining it to the landlord— and what he does instead of moving is step in past her arm and close the distance and shoulder-check her dead in the sternum. The force of it sends her sliding back across the living room, her foot twisting against the hardwood floor to find purchase and friction enough to counteract it, slow to a stop, and then she lifts her chin and she locks eyes with him and whatever he was going to say—hey, relax, it’s just me, it’s okay— it dies somewhere in the back of his throat.

She’s not there. There wouldn’t be any point. 

Instead, he sets his jaw and jerks his head to one side and then the other, cracking his neck and loosening his shoulders and waiting.

Part of him— it’s not that he enjoys this, he doesn’t think, just that it feels satisfying, like drawing poison out of a wound. That very first time, he kind of expected looking at her when she’s like this to make him uncomfortable, the way that it reminds him of all of that shit he tries not to think about for a lot of different reasons, but it’s kind of the opposite. 

It’s familiar. It’s comforting. Bucky understands this, which is saying something, because it feels like there’s not a whole lot in his life these days that he really understands that much at all. The way she’s looking at him right now— he knows exactly what this is. It doesn’t take him over like it used to, not anymore, but it’s not like it’s completely gone from him, this instinct.

He still feels it too, sometimes. Or— maybe he just wants to. A little of both, probably.

“Yeah, nice to see you, too,” he mutters, mostly to himself, his vision sharpening to a knifepoint and his heart rate solid, steady, ticking like a metronome. The seconds that always kind of feel like they slip from him before he can register them at all— they’re drawn out, now, bleeding into each other, stretching endlessly, and he’s there , inside his own body as the moments pass, present, not floating somewhere outside of it or trapped in his head. He breathes. He listens to the sound of his own blood rushing in his skull. He listens for hers. He can’t hear it, but he thinks if she gets close again, he might be able to.

“What are you waiting for,” he says, not really a question. Kind of a challenge. 

She lunges for him.

He meets her halfway. 

On purpose. By choice.

One thing he’d noticed the last time is that she’s real fucking fast– faster than him, and probably younger, by what he would guess must be a not-significant amount. The serum is about achieving peak human performance, or something like that; it doesn't reverse the effects of time or the reality of age, and it doesn't change how that peak just starts to gradually decline in terms of speed and reaction time at some point in your early-mid-twenties and then never really stops. Bucky doesn’t know how old he is, not concretely, but it’s old enough that the difference between them in terms of that is apparent. But reflexes are one thing, and experience is another, and he has a fucking lot of experience— more than she does, and that, too, is a stark and obvious fact. He’s better than her, and just a little bit stronger, and what she has on him in speed he more than compensates for just in skill and brute force. 

They’re not evenly matched, is what he’s saying, and he’d gotten the feel for that last time, too; had known, kind of, that this wouldn’t be a fair fight. 

The edge she has, though, the one he doesn’t, is that she’s trying to hit him— trying to harm him, trying to physically incapacitate him— and he’s not. He’s countering closed-fist blows open-handed, going for her shoulders and the insides of her arms to redirect and keep the damage to the apartment at a minimum, and that puts him at a massive fucking disadvantage. It means her target is the whole of his body, six-foot and something like a buck-eighty, and not only is she fucking smaller than him already, but the places he can hit and not hurt her are these little slivers of windows only a few inches wide, if that, and–

She clocks him in the jaw. 

It’s not that bad, it’d been her non-dominant hand and he’d moved back, he’d just been a little too slow– but it’s still hard enough to make his teeth fucking rattle in his mouth and his chest reflexively tighten up and the air force out of his lungs in this short, sharp hiss.

“Okay, ow,” he says, putting space between them and feeling the first prickle of irritation start to worry at his patience and trying real fucking hard not to let it as he moves back and away and grimaces, opens his jaw and shifts it to either side and hears it pop, sore and starting to smart and definitely going to be bruised tomorrow.

When he looks at her again she looks a little bit more human. There’s this furrow, just the shadow of it, tightening up between her eyebrows, but the line of her shoulders is tensed and her hands are still up and something in her eyes is trembling, like it’s tearing at itself, guilt, maybe, but also this kind of powerlessness, too. 

Wanting to stop. Not being able to.

Bucky thinks about the dream.

“It’s alright,” he says, “I know. Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.”

He exhales, shaky, his heart beating harder and faster from the exertion, sweat starting to prickle at the nape of his neck, the air burning a little, like it’s sinking into somewhere in his lungs that he doesn’t usually breathe deep enough for it to reach.

“I don’t mind,” he says, and he’s not even really surprised by how much he actually means it. “Come on. Just- get it out of your system. It’s okay.”

Her expression doesn’t relax, but it— slackens, and something flashes in her eyes that looks a lot like relief, but it’s gone before he has time to be sure or think much about it.

When she comes to him a second time, the edge is missing and she’s not trying to hurt him— not trying to hurt him as much, he corrects, grunting when her elbow slams into the soft part of his stomach— and it doesn’t take long for him to get her off-balance and on the defensive. She mistimes a punch, finally, gives him the opportunity to reach for her and doesn’t react quick enough to the hand on her arm, and he gets the other flat on her shoulder blade and slams her against the wall.

She doesn’t do anything for a long moment; her chest is heaving, violently and with enough force that he can feel the muscles around her ribs straining up against the pressure of his forearm where it’s braced against the small of her back, and he has one hand— his hand— on her right wrist, and in the absence of any immediate threat Bucky realizes a bunch of things in quick succession.

 He realizes she’s wearing a short-sleeve t-shirt, which is new, and not technically surprising; it’s May and it’s started to get warmer again. He realizes he’s touching her, though, really touching her, without any kind of barrier at all, and that’s new, too, and it’s weird , because her skin is soft and warm and it feels almost fucking– delicate, makes him aware of the callouses on his palm and his fingers and the roughness of them, and contradicts so violently with everything else about her that it’s like his brain just can’t integrate the information at all. He realizes she’s come back— all of her is so human now, even her eyes, the corner of one that he can see with how her face is pressed to the wall, darting back to look at him and then looking away just as fast, fraught and expressive, all of that emptiness just– gone. 

And then he makes a mistake. He keeps fucking doing that. It’s getting annoying.

Bucky calls her by her name, and she freaks the fuck out again. 

He hadn’t grabbed her other hand, because she’d been calm or at the very least not-murderous for all of ten seconds, so she slides it up under herself and pushes and gets the leverage to slip out from where he’s holding her and she elbows him in the fucking diaphragm, hard enough to knock the air out of him and wrench her arm out from his grip.

And then she fucking runs away, again, and he’s left there trying to catch his breath, with a handful of fresh bruises and absolutely no fucking answers at all.

No holes in the apartment this time, though.

~

That night, he can't fall asleep.

The nightmares haven’t come back yet— yet, they’d been gone before, the times that Steve had needed him, and then for a while in the aftermath of the final battle, they always come back, though, it’s only ever a matter of time— but he still has trouble with it, just in general. Sleep. It flips, back and forth like a switch, between extremes; sometimes he has the control to just will himself into unconsciousness, and sometimes it’s like his brain fights back, his thoughts accelerate, defiant, no matter how hard he tries to focus on counting his breathing or relaxing each muscle or picturing the inside of his mind like this sprawling, snow-covered field, white and uniform and empty. 

He’s long since stopped trying all that, just has his eyes open, lying there staring up into the dark. His mind drifts, directionless, and he thinks about a bunch of things, random details connected by some nonsensical thread of logic that's somewhere beyond his conscious awareness. In Romania, he used to wander when he couldn't sleep, and then also when the thought of sleeping terrified him; he'd walk, sometimes for hours, until his body burned and the soles of his shoes wore out and sometimes until the sun came up again. There'd been one night-- multiple nights, multiple days, six or seven, at least-- that he'd gotten so exhausted he'd collapsed outside, leaned against the crumbled plaster facade of a building. One thing about the serum; he does still need sleep. It'd been raining, and he was soaked and shaking and delirious from lack of sleep. The old woman who'd found him when she'd gone out for a cigarette brought him an umbrella and made him a tea and sat there on the stoop nearby for a while, told him stories about her son. He'd moved to Sibiu, had a wife, three kids, called twice a week, but didn't visit enough. They'd just gotten a cat, he'd let the youngest name it; Șosetă. Sock.

"Prost," she'd said; stupid. Made this soft tch sound, ashed her cigarette against the railing. It'd been such a meaningless thing to complain about. It was the most human he'd felt in months.

Bucky thinks about the girl. Her expression, when he'd let her go that first time, again when he'd pinned her to the wall in his living room. It's still weird to think about, wondering if that's what he'd looked like, a long time ago-- wide-eyed and terrified and hopelessly lost.

He fumbles for his jacket at the foot of the bed, takes Steve’s notebook out and unfolds the slip of paper tucked inside and stares at it. There’s splotches where the lines had gone fuzzy, the paper had gotten wet and the ink had spread out; it’d been kind of damp, the morning he found it, dew condensed on the mesh screen and against the glass, so it could be from that. Or it could be that she’d been crying.

He hasn’t seen her cry, or even really look like she's come close to it. He wonders if she’s there yet. In the beginning, it was like his body wouldn’t let him, no matter how tight his chest would get or how much his eyes would burn— it just wouldn’t come. It’d frightened him too much, the thought of succumbing to something as intangible as an emotion. A loss of control that he just couldn’t submit to. Not when control was all he really had left.

In Wakanda, it felt like— relief. He’d been afraid. But they’d helped him.

He thinks about the way that she’d looked at him. Come on, just— get it out of your system. It’s okay. Maybe he should have said something else— that’s probably not what he’s supposed to have said. He was probably supposed to have said stop, or don’t, or something like that, but he’d tried those a bunch already, and he’d kind of known the whole time that it doesn’t really work like that.

Bucky folds the slip of paper, tucks it back in the notebook, and the notebook under his pillow.

If she could just stop any of this, he thinks, she would have done it by now.

~

“Is there another day we can do, next week?” 

Doc had been tapping the end of her pen against the edge of the notebook, the edges of the pages starting to curl, and there’s a millisecond of hesitation that disrupts the rhythm. Close to imperceptible, but not quite.

“Why,” she says, blunt.

Somebody keeps breaking into my apartment when I’m gone. So I’m going to– not be gone.

“That– veteran,” Bucky says. The lie is growing, which can be tricky; he’ll have to keep track of more moving parts, work harder not to contradict himself, but the game of it, he thinks, kind of makes this whole thing suck less. Now that is definitely something he should tell his therapist. “They’re in town, but usually just on Friday, and I wanted to– I was going to ask if they wanted to grab a bite to eat. Or– something.”

Doc raises her eyebrow at him. “In town?”

“She doesn’t live around here,” he says, shrugging. “Just a– friend of somebody in the building, I’m pretty sure. I only see her ‘cause we both– y’know.” He mimes a cigarette. It’d taken him a long fucking time to figure out how he was going to spin this; it’d hit him this morning, during his run, the pieces arranging themselves all real fucking neatly. It’s great when that happens.

Doc’s eyebrow raises further, and she does that lean-in, just a little bit; she thinks it’s a slip, which is what he’d meant for it to seem like. Best to get this over with now, have control of the information, before he actually does let it slip by accident. “She?”

“Yes,” he says, letting the beginnings of an edge sharpen in his voice, like he’s annoyed. 

He’d double-checked, actually figured out how to use Google, just to make sure it wouldn’t be impossible for a woman to have served in armed ground combat. 2013, it turns out. That’s kind of insane, because he’s worked with women– girls, honestly– from the Red Room since he first became active all the way back in the fucking 50s. It took over sixty years; not that there’s been any wars worth fighting in then, but still. That’s a long fucking time. 

Doc stares at him for a while, not saying anything. Just– looking. 

“Are you asking her on a date, James?”

It’s just ridiculous enough that he can’t help the laugh that escapes him, curt and sharp and entirely genuine– because it is laughable, Jesus Christ, it’s not a date, if things work out how he thinks they will it’s going to be a lot more like a fucking ambush than anything else. Bucky laughs, which is fine, good, even, because it makes this more believable, supports the act– but it also blindsides him so thoroughly that what he says next isn’t preplanned. 

“No,” he says, pointed and a little bit mean, like it’s a stupid question– and it is, it’s an extremely stupid question– and then because his mouth moves faster than his brain does, he continues, “No, she’s– she’s having a hard time, you know, adjusting, and I– I’ve been there. I want to-- I thought I could-- help.”

Doc stares at him.

He clenches his teeth. The bruise is gone, and he’s mostly healed up, but his jaw still twinges a little. Another thing the serum doesn’t do; keep his body from getting worse at handling this shit, the older he gets. 

A date, he thinks, not sure if he’s amused or irritated by the thought. Jesus Christ, she’d punched him in the face, and she’s likely to try again if this goes according to plan. That’s about as far from a date as you can get.

“I don’t think you’re prepared for a relationship,” Doc says, and then before he can open his mouth to inform her thanks, that’s great, I’m really not fucking interested, she tells him, “I don’t think that’s what this is, but I wanted to make my opinion clear. As your therapist.”

“Gee, thanks, Doc,” he says, his teeth bared too tight in some deeply irritated caricature of a smile, “Really appreciate the input. Can we do a day besides Friday, or not?”

She studies him for a moment longer, and writes something in the notebook. Sometimes he tries to sit forwards or crane his head to read it, and other times he doesn’t; this time he makes sure not to, because he’s on his best behavior. He wants answers, and he wants that a lot more than he wants to know what she’s putting in that stupid fucking notebook.

“Yes,” she says, when she finishes, snapping the book shut. “How does Thursday sound?”

“Thursday sounds great,” he replies, with as much blatant sarcasm as he can physically inject into the words.

~

He doesn’t even have to wait that long.

It’s Tuesday-- six days since the last time. He’s aware of it now, not on purpose, it’s just one of those details his brain keeps track of without ever really consciously deciding to do so, like loud noises and things moving in his peripheral vision. 

He has groceries, a plastic bag half-full bumping against the side of his leg, the handles held loose with two fingers; there’s nothing immediately perishable, fresh vegetables, mostly, and she’s between him and the fridge. He sets it down by his feet, against the wall where hopefully it won’t be collateral damage if this devolves. Again. Bucky’s never really been a betting kind of guy— never seen the point— but from the way she’s standing, he’d put money on this going south pretty quickly.

“Y’know, you should probably stop breaking into my apartment,” he says, without looking at her directly, in a tone that’s probably way too mild for the circumstances.

There’s a long beat of silence interrupted only by the sound of the door as he presses it closed behind him.

“I thought it was a trap, the first time,” she says back, and he almost startles. She’d been sitting in the one armchair he has in his living room, but she’d gotten up as soon as he’d crossed the threshold. He can feel her, now, standing closer to the kitchen, even with his back turned as he pulls his keys from the door. “I thought— it doesn’t look like you live here.”

“Okay, well,” he says, kind of surprised by the tone of his voice, the degree of familiarity in it. “I did the last time I checked."

It’s strange, because he feels like he knows her, even though he also knows, separately, rationally, that he doesn’t; maybe it’s because he thinks about her a lot, or maybe it’s because they’re the same in a lot of ways, but whatever the reason he knows it’s not really true. The reality is that it’s been months, right, and this— right now, that was the most she’s ever spoken to him. 

It was pretty warm today; he’d started to sweat as soon as he’d shrugged on his leather jacket when he’d left earlier, and he busies himself with taking it off now that he doesn’t have to be concerned with hiding anything.

She seems to relax when his focus isn’t on her, and—

Yeah, he gets that.

“Sorry,” she says abruptly, strangled, “Sorry, about before, I— I hurt you, I didn’t mean to.“

Bucky scoffs, hanging his jacket on a coat hook by the door; he fumbles with the chest pocket, slips that red notebook out and into the front one of his jeans. “You got me once,” he says dismissively. “Don’t worry about it."

He thinks maybe he sees her jaw set, something in her eyes flash; a human something. A stubborn human something. “Twice,” she replies, curt and a little bit testy, like there’s a part of her deeper than the need to apologize that’s maybe a little bit irritated at how easily he shrugged it off.

Bucky laughs at that, just this short, sharp bark of a sound. And maybe he shouldn’t do that, either; maybe he shouldn’t feel so comfortable at the idea that she kinda seems to have a sort of competitive streak with regards to actual physical violence, and maybe the fact that he is comfortable with it should be— a concern. 

It isn’t.

No, that little show of defiance, or whatever it was; it was actually kind of endearing.

“Yeah, all right,” he admits, “Twice. You want to maybe just— talk, this time?” 

She swallows and shifts her weight from foot to foot, clenches her hands into fists at her sides and then releases them, slowly, a little at a time in these jagged, abrupt bursts of movement, like she’s making herself do it. 

“Yeah,” she says, after a while, her voice strangely small. Her hands are forced out flat, now, open as far as they can go, her arms locked, and he watches her fingers twitch, all random and erratic like it’s unintentional, the only part of her body still moving. He wonders if she even knows she’s doing it. “Yeah, I— I want to, I keep trying, but I— “

“But then you keep trying to beat the shit out of me,” he says dryly, mouth pressed into a small, frank line; not really a smile, but not negative. Still entirely too familiar, because he doesn’t know, really, if that kind of gentle jabbing is going to set her off, but he’s decided he doesn’t really care one way or another.

When Bucky looks at her again she’s clenching her jaw so hard he can see a muscle twitching below her ear even from across the room. “I’m sorry,” she says again, through gritted teeth, the words bitten out and sharp-sounding, like she’s forcing them. “I can’t— I’m not doing it on purpose.”

Bucky swallows reflexively, and that not-smile twists into a grimace. “Yeah,” he replies. “Yeah, I know.” 

The silence stretches; he studies her for a while, until he’s pretty sure she’s not going to speak again without a push, before he says, “Think you can tell me something about who you are?”

She flinches, and it’s visceral and immediate and probably out of her control; she screws her eyes shut so hard that her face contorts from the effort, lurches back a step, and when she breathes, it’s so unsteady that he can see that, too, the shuddering rise-and-fall of her chest. 

Bucky takes a step forwards while her eyes are closed, and the stupid traitorous floorboards creak in a spot that he’s never fucking heard them creak in before.

She goes rigid and her eyes snap open wide, the whites stretch out so far it makes her irises look like they’ve physically shrunk, and he knows, he knows he’s fucked it, he knows she’s going to fucking run away again, but--

The thing is– he just doesn’t have a lot of fucking patience.

When Bucky was him, he’d had an overabundance of patience. He had an alarmingly inhuman excess of it– something that allowed him to do things like watch the same mark for hours on end from the grimy window of a building or the crumbling edge of a rooftop or a branch-covered hole in the ground, not moving or eating or sleeping or even thinking at all. There’d been times when he’d waited for over a day straight for a target to come within firing range, and then for hours after until the search parties had dispersed empty-handed and it was safe for him to move again.

If somebody had him try any of that shit now, he thinks he’d probably blow his own brains out. He has trouble just dealing with the train being a few minutes late.

I‘s been almost three months, and what he has to show for it is a first name, a patched-up hole in the wall, a lot of really annoying bruises, and fucking nothing else.

When she makes like she’s going to run again, Bucky moves to stop her.

That goes exactly as well as he thought it would.

#bucky barnes x reader #fic; blunt force trauma