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romanarose · 4 months

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Favorites of 2023

Hi! I've seen a lot people doing these so I thought I would too!

These are all sorts of Oscar Issac/Pedro Pascal fics that delighted me this year <3

I tried to keep it to one rec per author just because I have soooooo many friends with wonderful fics and blogs who deserve recognition

If yours didn't make it, NO FEAR you are still wonderful to me <3

Everything is labeled properly in the fic so be warned, many of this contains dark!

3 series that I couldn't stop thinking about

Hungry Hearts By @atinylittlepain: The Last of Us, A Bruce Springsteen themed Joel series? SHEEEEEEEESH

Yearling by @justagalwhowrites : The Last of Us, Jackson!Joel and a victim of prolonged sexual assault. If you know me, you know I love a traumatized reader healing with the power of love and friendship

The Fractured Moon by @melodygatesauthor : Moon Knight, NON CON, dark moon boys is always a slay but the way Marc is so tortured and Steven is so needy?!?!?!?! Mels characterization of Steven may or may not have influenced my Ben in ROF

Three fics that rewired my brain

On the Waterfront by @beefrobeefcal : Triple Frontier, Now, I've always loved a tubby man with a belly (who else had a crush on Samwise Gamgee in LOTR?) BUT DARK FRANKIE?!?!?!?! Turned it into a full obsession.

I can be your pretty girl by @walkintotheriveranddisappear : The Last of Us, Wow, I devoured every single chapter!!! I thinka bout it so much, ESPECIALLY that scene with Tommy... I've never looked at a pool ball the same way.

Dancing With Wolves by @hon3yboy : Moon Knight, Now, I'm not the biggest monster fucker out there, but this?!?!?!?! WEREWOLF MARC SPECTOR??? Unwell about it.

3 times men jerking off was hot

Caught by @toxicanonymity : The Last of Us, I've mentioned in the authors note for Keep Cry'n that this fic inspired it, it's one I go back to allllll the time

Take Care of me Tonight by @missdictatorme : Moon Knight, Jake is horny and lonely and jerks of..... reader helps, and makes our boy feel special <3

Pent Up by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin : Narcos, Javi is... well... pent up, needs to let loose! and boy does he.

4 times it got gay bc something is wrong with me and I couldn't decide

Behind Enemy Lines by @astroboots : Triple Frontier, Y'all know how much I love this series, seeing as I wrote a fic for it XD but this chapter is something i always hold close <3

Captain of the team by @writefightandflightclub : Triple Frontier, MAAAAAANNNNN this fic is why I will never be the same as a person.

Trine by @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction : Sucker Punch. Anyone who reader blue jones should be reading this. Incredible.

What if he never had to go? by @velocibeewords : Triple Frontier, The infamous series I read on my friend bachelorette weekend! So good I couldn't put it down, going so far as to read it at a casino XD Benny and Santi, my babies

3 times underused characters shined

Oxford Comma by @whatthefishh : The Two Faces of January, Tell me, how does someone take a character with almost no following and make a series so damn beloved by many??? Only Mona could.

My Ex's Tapes by @runa-falls : Lighteningface, Basil Stilt AND Jake Lockley??!?! God bless this mess hnnggggg

I'm Getting What's Mine by @winniethewife : The Card Counter, dub con, I think we as a society need more William Tell, and sensory deprivation to break down reader? Amazing.

3 times they talked dirty to me *trumpet noises*

Not a Survivalist Girl by @tightjeansjavi and @chaotic-mystery : The Last of Us, when they finally fuck??? HELLO?!?!! unreal

Only Daddy That'll Walk the Line by @millerscoffee : The Last of Us, Joel is so degrading and condescending in this I think about it so much it's fucking unreal.

Making Trouble by @juneknight : Moon Knight, The fic that completly fried the brains of the moon knight fandom. "You cried like I was killing you—except you were begging me not to stop" yeah. Yeah...

3 times there were three or more

The story of us by @pimosworld : Triple Frontier, This series has a special place in heart bc Priscilla said I influenced a lo of it with the characterizations and thats such a big honor. Priscilla Is so talented and I adore how she writes these guys... and the FishBen wins my heart

Eyes on Me by @cavillscurls : The Last of Us, Soft Joel? Tommy watches? AFTERCARE?!?!?! Y'all know how much I love aftercare.... I should read this again shouldn't I?

Run the Table by @katiexpunk : The Last of Us, MORE TOMMY JOEL THREESOME! MORE!!!! This one came out recently so its still fresh in my mind

3 Times I should NOT have been into that

No Soul to Sell @atticrissfinch : The Last of Us, NON CON V DARK, this is the fic that made me like... yeah I'm into piss. No doubt. It was so dark and hot ;-;

Plushies Series by @pedge-page The Last of Us, Haru knows how much I love this, and it was a toss up between this and their piss kink but seeing as I got that above.... plushes needs more love bc its so soft and domestic and horny <3

Plaything by @missannwinchester : The Last of Us, wow, I adored this fic… then I lost it!!!! Thank you to everyone who helped find it bc it’s one of my favs. I wanna be Joel’s lil doll he dresses up 🥺

3 times I said “this is underrated af”

No One But Me by @koshkamartell : The Last of Us, Are y'all tired of me talking about this fic yet? Koshka told me my series The Wrong Way inspired this so it's special to my heart <3

Safe by @criticallyacclaimedstranger and @apascalrascal : Triple Frontier, Cal has so many good Frankie one shots it was hard to pick, but this one is sooooo soft. We love Frankie being willing to listen and learn.

Through the Scope by @ssuperficialspacecadett : Triple Frontier, Y'all know I love a traumatized reader learning to heal, but his fic is fantastic bc it's a traumatized reader who has done a lot of the work already and is strong and brave as it is <3 Also, all 4 of the guys are her friends now which is the best way to have a fic

Thank you all soooooo much for all these amazing fics and for a great 2023! Well. Not so great, I had terrible time lol but y'all were my solace <3

If you feel so inclined, check out my best of year wrapped for both RomanaRose and Romana-after-dark

I'm not gonna say 2024 is my year, I leanred my lesson XD I am approaching 2024 with RESPECT. It will be the year it is.

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juniperhillpatient · 1 year

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The Drill Re-watch

The Dangerous Ladies are back! And they have a big scary drill. I love how Mai is just happy to get something to do & I had honestly forgotten how consistently ecstatic Ty Lee is at any opportunity for violence. She's so adorable & scary at the same time. Have I mentioned lately how much I love Ty Lee? +1000 iconic behavior points to her for taking out all those earth-benders & scaring Katara. I had also forgotten just how scared of Ty Lee Katara is & how much she dislikes her. Katara yelling & calling Ty Lee a circus freak was a badass moment. +1000 iconic behavior points. Mai disobeying Azula just because she doesn't want to get muddy & popping up in the end like "we lost" in a deadpan voice was hilarious & very based of her, +500 iconic behavior points. Sokka's plan to take out the drill from the inside was pretty smart. +500 iconic behavior points.

My favorite part of the conflict with the drill was actually Ty Lee. I also really loved the flirty moment between her & Sokka, & Katara having to drag Sokka away. Honestly, I've never given much thought to Ty Lee/Sokka as a potential ship until this re-watch but their flirty banter during fights is so funny & cute. And I just can't get enough of Ty Lee happily kicking ass.

Surprisingly, I don't have that much to say about Azula in this episode which is rare for me but this was pretty much standard hero vs. villain "let's keep the Fire Nation out of Ba Sing Se" stuff. I mean, the Azula vs. Aang fight was badass, but I don't have any meaningful analysis of it. I think the most meaningful takeaway I have about Azula in this episode is regarding her relationship with Mai & Ty Lee. It's been commented on a hundred times that Mai disobeys Azula's order in this episode, but still, I'll comment on it again. I think it says a lot about the dynamic between Azula & Mai. Mai is a subordinate, & there is a power imbalance but Mai knows what she can & can't get away with & isn't afraid to do what she wants under certain circumstances. I think that the dynamic between these three girls is layered & this episode gives evidence to the idea that Azula does treat Mai & Ty Lee like friends to the extent that Azula can treat anyone like friends. Mai never felt coerced & if she was reluctant to follow specific orders, she simply didn't.

Jet & Zuko were my favorite part of this episode, actually. I can't believe it took me as long as it did spending time in this fandom to warm up to Jet/Zuko as a romantic pairing. Shocking & disappointing for me, really, I feel like I usually have good taste right away. SMH past me. Oh well, I see the truth now. They're literally Thee Template. Like, they met each other, said "be gay do crime" & had a touching heart to heart about both being traumatized & Zuko realized that he didn't always have to be alone & by the next episode Jet is following Zuko around like a lost puppy begging him to join his little found family. THEN freaking Iroh warms up his tea with fire-bending. Iroh, I was just warming up to you & starting to stand up for you, dude. What are you DOING? Zuko is right. For a supposedly wise old man, that's just.....really fucking stupid. I don't even know what to say. I guess Iroh got a little too comfortable? Like....what? Anyway....

Despite the rather contrived way in which it happened (yeah, sorry, I'm gonna say the writing is a LITTLE contrived like, I just don't get it is Iroh supposed to be smart or not?) I DO love a dramatic breakup between two characters who technically never even dated. Jet now knows that Zuko & Iroh are fire-benders. And MAN. A hundred smarter people than me have written fascinating essays & analyses & metas about the tragedy that Jet is right that they're fire-benders & more right than he knows because they're literally Fire Nation royalty & both personally responsible for a lot of harm inflicted by the Fire Nation but he's wrong because they are actually refugees now & not causing any new harm & also because he needs to let go of this obsessive hate because it will (& does) lead to his downfall like....We'll get to my thoughts on Jet's tragedy & his death when we get there but this set up for drama (by itself!!! pretending I'm watching for the first time!!!) IS excellent writing (if the specifics weren’t so contrived.) If only they ---- never mind, I'm done for now. I'm ending this ramble. Goodnight. Oh yes, Zuko & Jet get +1000 iconic behavior points for their quick little fling that will change them both forever & for having a dramatic breakup without Zuzu (king of drama on any other occasion!) even knowing about it.

Anyway, this was a great episode. I'm surprised I had so little to say about Azula & that she earned no iconic behavior points, but it's okay because she will blow everyone else out of the running in Crossroads of Destiny, I already know 100% for sure. Yeah, my favorite parts of this episode were the Dangerous Ladies & Jet & Zuko but I should also mention that I liked Sokka joking about the different group names even though "gaang" hasn't come up yet. And the hints about metal-bending & its potential were fun subtle foreshadowing.

#atla re watch #atla book 2 #the drill

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eolewyn1010 · 2 years

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Whew, what a rollercoaster. Although, as I suspected beforehand, not much surprise plot-wise. As in, I could predict the central crime almost step by step (B plot made not much sense tho). But there were unpleasant surprises in the execution. I want these bitches to finally bring up trigger warnings. Anyway.

I swear to god, Torsten Michaelis has had a blast with this role. I thought he was going ham the last time, but this episode he just kept speeding up. Congrats on being a fucking creep, man. You're probably a nice guy IRL, but I will forever feel hatred upon seeing your face.

Was Adam in therapy or something? Yeah, he was a mess, but he was also a lot less bitchy and onto everyone's throat than he was so far. Hell, the only time he yelled this time was at his father, which, fair. Here's to him getting progressively better now that some shit's come to an end.

Same for Pia btw, she was strangely subdued. Where are your teeth, girl? Yes, she didn't get any sleep, but that seemed like a total character 180. Poor lady, let her sleep so she'll get back up to full power. Also, I really wanna read that "Spätzchen" in a flirty way, but with Pia's eager-to-overachieve and submissive behavior this episode, it seemed kinda like a cutesy thing, like an older colleague being sweet to a newbie barely out of the kid boots. Don't know how I feel about this.

I'm suffering "recognizing random German actor from another Tatort" syndrome. That smug, shady lawyer guy was already a smug, shady lawyer before, back in TO Stuttgart "Eine Frage des Gewissens". They could at least give him some variety in the role to play. Germany and its thirty actors.

Glad for the Spatort guys that y'all can still enjoy the booty you're getting; I'm honestly way too traumatized by the amount of physical and psychological torture to appreciate all the skin. And by the ham-fisted, misplaced symbolism. Ah, German TV.

Speaking of German TV, we still can't have gay things. (No, I'm NOT gonna shut up about it; when it's Münster, I constantly have to endure the shippers' wails, so there.)

At this rate, Adam's hair will be white next episode. Not from stress, just a natural progression of his hair bleach. That's not a compliment.

Why did he say he's not smoking? Of course he's smoking; that's, like, a whole kink in the fandom? But he didn't this episode. Did he quit? How many people did he kill in that time frame?

What's he gonna do with the money? Donate it to an anti-abuse charity? Or pay for his and Leo's wedding.

So much for now. I might get back to this when I'm not as freshly freaked out anymore. For those of you who are not Saarbrücken-exclusive, see my previous reblog for therapeutic sweetness aka my Married Old Gays being fluffy. For the rest, stew in your misery, as I shall.

#Tatort Saarbrücken #Spatort #Das Herz der Schlange #TO Saarbrücken makes me cynical #kidding I'm already a cynic

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kaypeace21 · 3 years

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i’m a survivor too, and i found that certain scenes/stuff will said just really struck me as ‘csa-survivor’-like? i felt a bit uncomfortable about headcanoning it happening to someone else, especially for a fandom as wild as this one, but your metas have really been a comfort to me because they’ve been able to pick out and explain things that i couldn’t necessarily find the words for myself.

and yeah, i would love to have a character like me that is powerful and who finds love and who gets a happy ending. the people who call the theory disgusting always kinda hit wrong with me because although csa is a difficult subject, we shouldn’t be ashamed about sharing it. they sound like they’re trying to say that it’s a bad topic to talk about and implying that it can’t happen to kids, which uhhhhh-

(i’m sure that’s not what they mean, precisely, but it’s still what they sound like, and i wish that they would stop implying that we can’t exist, especially in popular media. we do, and i’m not gonna pretend we don’t, and if they feel uncomfortable with the topic they can just use the block button. we deserve to have some well written representation just as much as anyone else. also, i really really hope that will gets a happy ending.)

anywayyyy i love your theories and i can see your post in the tag so i think you’re fine?? have a good day ❤️❤️❤️

SORRY, this ask took so long to respond to. It always warms my heart to hear other survivors speak and say they found comfort in my theory.

Yes, I think I and a lot of c*a/r*pe victims (subconscious or otherwise) were triggered by some of the symbolism/visuals in s1-3. And s3 made it hard for most of us to ignore the past imagery- since s3 wasn’t as subtle.

I get why people have reservations about the theory. But the debates to the contrary are usually just plain offensive. Or people trying to be respectful but being the opposite. There’s the obvious bad-apples . I got many anons after part 1 of my DID theory saying it “ruined/tainted byler”, and “if that happened to Will i’ll stop shipping byler” , or that it “ruins the best gay character” , and to “remove the post immediately”. And this was when I was open about being a gay c*a victim. I obviously blocked them. Many survivors don’t come forward because they’re afraid people will see them as “tainted”, “ruined”, “ just their trauma”, or blame them for what happened. So yeah, it pisses me off when people say similar stuff about Will (and thus other c*a victims). Not even diving into the messed up psychology about byler/mileven shippers (knowing i was a lesbian c*a victim) but purposely spreading bs rumors about me being a p*do that was into Will/Noah-all because of the theory. -_-

Then there’s the people who try to be “respectful” but literally do the opposite.

I’ve heard numerous times it’s somehow “less offensive” to just use r*pe imagery to make monsters scary. Rather than have the monsters have that imagery cause Will created the monsters from his memory/imagination-and st is a story of Will healing from that trauma. SORRY- I disagree. Using the worst experiences of peoples’ lives (and triggering their trauma) for no real purpose- except to make their monsters scarier to the normal/general audience who haven’t gone through it so won’t be triggered like us - is MORE OFFENSIVE to victims! NOT LESS! At least to me.

Then there’s the people who say “c*a should never be talked about (in stories).” Which I disagree with. V*ctims have already been told by ab*ser’s and enablers of the ab*ser- to never talk about what happened to us . So it rubs A LOT of us the wrong way when people say this. Because (subconscious or not) you remind some of us of the people who used to hurt/silence us. People say this -simply for their convenience (like ab*sers) and cause deep down they’re uncomfortable with our existence and equate the despicable act to us the innocent v*ctim ...or just want to deny the horrible reality of the situation (like many enablers who deny the truth and hurt us because they don’t want to accept reality) . And 1) It brings us back to a time where they told us to NEVER talk about it- and makes us feel like we did something wrong when we didn’t! 2) Every psych professional says with-holding/keeping the ab*se a secret is detrimental to our mental health.

Plus, there’s a HUGE difference between sugarcoating/minimizing trauma or WORSE glamorizing, condoning, or romanticizing C*A in stories (ex: pretty little liars) VS showing how the action is wrong, causes trauma, but showing recovery and happiness is still possible for v*ctims. if the story shows how accurately traumatizing it is (instead of minimizing/glamorizing it)- it’s incredibly rare for that character to get a happy ending. Having a story about recovering from that type of trauma and finding happiness despite such hardships would be amazing for US survivors! We rarely get stories with a happy ending- it’s more harmful to us survivors to never see ourselves get happy endings in tv/film/books. How can some survivors (in a dark place) think there’s a light at the end of the tunnel- if it’s never shown?Also if Will has DID too- it’s good mental health rep, along with queer rep (and survivor’s rep.) All 3 groups rarely are treated well or get happy endings in media. A lot of people may feel more heard, seen, and a bit more hopeful for the future - If Will (and other characters) get a happy ending.

And even though st has many themes- like say homophobia. To try and hand-wave all the disturbing r*pe imagery away as ‘Will is just gay so the monsters are like that”. IS SOOOOOO offensive. Trigger warning for examples. I’m sorry what part of Max saying when Billy had c*nsensual s*x it’s “good screams” but when possessed by the mf he causes Heather to do “bad screams” read as gay???! Having the possessed ch*ke/dr*g people before throwing them in trunks (like it’s implied Lonnie did to Will -since Jonathan checked Lonnie’s trunk for Will in s1)?Tying their arms and legs up/ g*ging them and getting on top of them and saying “stay VERY still it’ll all be over soon”-before a monster shoves it’s tentacle into someone’s mouth and inserts a goo - just gay??? Similar to the sentient vine/shadow monster forcing itself down Will’s throat. Let alone Will saying things like “he made me do it”, “i felt it everywhere”, or being tied to a bed and screaming “help! stop! it hurts! let me go!” While Jonathan is the only one who’s visibly triggered by this and has to literally turn away and hug someone . Or barb, billy, and El spiting up a white liquid from their mouth (similar to will spitting up a slug and lying to his mother about it ).El/billy touching a suspicious looking slime with their hand and looking at the substance confused . El drawing Papa with 3 legs (the middle one being shorter) , trying to undress in front of the boys , and Benny saying “I think she’s been ab*sed or something”.The theme of ab*sive dads- brenner , Lonnie, and Neil . Even when the demogorgan (called in d&d the “deep father”/ in the show “a man without a face”) attacked Barb it’s chopped up with scenes of Nancy having c*nsensual sex (the monsters are doing the opposite symbolically). There’s way more examples but NO- to try and hand wave /equate ALL OF THIS to just “gay imagery” or an “a*ds metaphor” is WAY more problematic. And just offensive (specifically to gay people) than just admitting what it may actually represent. R*pe imagery and gay imagery is NOT THE SAME THING!

Also ST has never been a kid show- maybe rewatch the show and see the rating of tv-14 . Goodness sake- s1 has a st*ged su*icde, k*dnappings, m*rder, discussions of physics, h*mophobia, and s*x (with stancy in s1 & jancy in s2-s3). S2/3 discuss at their finalies recovering from tra*ma . S2 had gra*ic de*ths, a man causing a women br*in damage/ and faking her m*scarriage, and a gang of vigalantes k*lling criminals. s3 had critiques on capitalism /media/s*xism, many d*eaths, and questionable imagery like the prior seasons. The Duffers constantly reference movies & events from the 80s (capitalizing on 80s nostalgia /subverting 80s motifs that middle age people from that time remember)! Those people were their intended age demographic . Most 80s centric refs go over most kids’ heads (heck a lot went over my head too since I wasn’t alive in the 80s XD).The Duffers even said in the book “worlds turned upsidedown” “it’s not a kid’s show despite having kids”. And maybe it’s a coincidence but when Lucas in s3 hands Will the “devil’s baby” firework (a hint about Lonnie) he says “18 and over only.” Which idk is a weird/random af line unless it’s foreshadowing that the show will get darker about various themes- and maybe even change ratings.

I get people wishing nothing bad ever happened to Will or Jonathan. And being apprehensive and not trusting the Duffers to do such a story justice (cause it’s difficult to do). But personally i trust them to do so tastefully with tact and not be exp*itative, (overly gr*fic) or offensive to v*ctims. You can disagree and think the show is about something else (or not trust the Duffers)- but it’d be great if people could stop using these other messed up talking points. While trying to appear ‘(fake) woke’ and like they care for victims- cause we see through it that you really don’t.

Have a lovely day anon ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Update- I just really agreed with and appreciate the tags in this reblog

#tw: csa #tw:r*pe

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calamity-bean · 4 years

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Barkskins (2020)

Lately I’ve been posting some gifs and such from a new show based (loosely, my impression is) on the Annie Proulx novel of the same name. I haven’t read the novel and knew very little about the show before I started, but I thought I’d post a bit about my impressions thus far, as of episode 1.04.

So! Barkskins is a period drama set in the late 17th century in what is now Quebec, centered around a remote little French settlement called Wobik. There are multiple plot threads at work, but the initial hook driving the narrative is the suspicious massacre of another nearby settlement. This mystery wraps around the lives of the varied people competing to survive and thrive in this corner of New France.

Short and spoiler-free opinion: I'm enjoying it so far! The tone is fairly dark and gritty, always with an edge of danger and even some hints of a sort of religious/folk horror element at work (we’ll see if that comes to anything meaningful, I suppose). The cast has a lot of talent, and based on what I’ve read, there does appear to have been a serious effort to value and involve indigenous voices throughout the creative process. Moreover, it’s a historical setting that interests me, and I like some of the characters a lot. I suspect that one of the biggest dangers this show runs, giving its fairly wide scope and limited number of episodes, is that it may fail to deliver on / fully develop everything it’s hinting at or touching upon... but we’ll see.

Longer description and opinions, potentially with vague/general spoilers, under the cut.

(there is a lot of focus on trees in this show. you may not have expected that from the name.)

Anyone who follows me would be forgiven for thinking that there are only two characters in this show, because I’ve only been posting the same two over and over. Shockingly, there are, in fact, more. Prominent ones so far include:

A traumatized young girl (Lola Reid) who is apparently one of the only survivors of the aforementioned massacre, yet no one recognizes her as being one of the people at that settlement.

Rene Sel and Charles Duquet (Christian Cooke and James Bloor), indentured servants newly arrived from France.

Claude Trepagnay (David Thewlis), an eccentric but ambitious French settler, and Mari (Kaniehtiio Horn), the underappreciated Wendat woman who lives with him.

Hamish Goames and Yvon Kirkpatrick (Aneurin Barnard and Zahn McClarnon) of the Hudson’s Bay Company, who are investigating the disappearance of a colleague. Goames is British, Yvon Anishinaabe.

Melissande and Delphine (Tallulah Haddon and Lily Sullivan), filles du roi brought from France to become wives of settlers.

Mathilde Geffard (Marcia Gay Harden), a no-nonsense and very observant French innkeeper, along with other townspeople of Wobik.

As you can see, most of the lead characters are white Europeans. Given the history of this era and the premise of the show, colonialism (and the conflicts/violence thereof) is naturally a major and inescapable part of the narrative. I was unsure, going in, how the show was going to handle the portrayal of Native characters and cultures. It’s not a topic I can offer personal insight into, as I’m white and not very educated in the irl history/cultures of this setting anyway, but it is a topic I care about. So I looked online to see what better informed people had to say.

This article by The 1491s’ Migizi Pensoneau discusses his involvement with the show (including his initial skepticism) and highlights the indigenous voices who contributed to Barkskins — including writers, actors, historians, and community leaders and advisors, both in the writing room and on location. In Pensoneau’s words:

“Barkskins” is still historical fiction told for television, involving multiple stakeholders and stories, and made within the studio world. In other words, it’s not perfect. But the Native spaces and Native people depicted were handled with just as much care, time, and investment as every other aspect of the show. Instead of a Hollywood producer shorting Native representation based on profitability, we placed as much control as possible into the hands of the communities depicted. The integrity with which we approached this task tells a better story, and I’m excited for everyone to see indigenous characters and communities portrayed on television in a new way.

Steeve Gros-Louis, director of the Huron-Wendat Sandokwa dance troupe, has also spoken positively about his experience of the show’s approach to his culture. Overall, I would definitely say that the story thus far has been told primarily through the lens of colonists. But there are characters from multiple indigenous cultures of the region, two of whom are leads, and general reactions to the portrayal of these characters/cultures seem positive.

(this shot was SO sepia before i adjusted it, like i did a lot and yet it is still very sepia, fair warning that this show’s indoor scenes often suffer from a chronic case of Everything In History Was Sepia.)

Most of the lead characters are also male, though there are about five prominent women so far. (...Honestly, I’ve watched period dramas with fewer.) Among these, I think an interesting phenomenon the show’s chosen to explore is the filles du roi — young women who’ve traveled from France at the king’s expense specifically to provide wives for the overwhelmingly male population of early settlers. These young women differ in personalities and motives but all seem to be very much alone in the world, and it seems clear that they have chosen this path in hope of better opportunities but are also anxious about how their lives in this “new world” will turn out. The show is closely following the journeys of two of them in particular (ambitious Melissande and shy Delphine, both of whom have secrets), and while it is a bit tiring that women in historical fiction are so often defined by their relation to a man, I appreciate that this storyline is about the wives themselves.

Personally, my two favorite characters so far are the Company men: Goames and Yvon. Goames is very much the sort of character I’m often drawn to, in terms of his manner and apparent worldview: “the implacable sort, rigid in his thoughts and actions,” serious and decent and imo with hints of a storyline challenging his loyalty to his institution, which has in the past been the sort of storyline I very much enjoy. (I uh, would be lying if I said I wasn’t also simply... drawn to Mr. Barnard in general.) Yvon stands out for his dry snark and eloquence and for the bigotry he runs into as a Native man operating within white spheres, which casts a pall over his generally unflappable demeanor, and I have a lot of curiosity about his background. Their partnership is a highlight of the show, imo, and I’m quite interested in where their storyline will go re: their individual character arcs as well as the overall narrative. I’m also particularly fond of Mari and Delphine.

(my BOYS! this is not an actual still from the show but look at Aneurin. look at his silly pose.)

As far as the content goes, I don’t think it’s been too egregious so far, but be advised:

Primary warning is for violence. It’s not overly gory, but there is fighting, blood, bodies, etc. One act of violence I will warn for specifically: in the first episode, a group of Iroquois men are killed (offscreen), and their bodies are displayed hanged and impaled. This is clearly presented as an atrocity, and the bodies are mostly shown from a distance so that they’re small and indistinct, but there are a couple close-up shots.

Also, as I’ve mentioned, characters such as Yvon and Mari do face racist treatment/remarks from white characters.

There has been a nongraphic instance of attempted sexual assault, which was successfully rebuffed.

So... yeah! At time of writing, half the season has aired — it airs Monday evenings on Nat Geo and goes up on Hulu Tuesday afternoon, and they seem to be airing two episodes a week, which is frankly annoying, I’d rather get either a proper savor or a proper binge. The reviews I’m seeing online are mostly positive (I’ve seen at least one trot out the dreaded “It’s the next GoT!” line, which I think is inaccurate re: its tone/focus and also, like, why are people still trying to say that as though it’s a good thing), and there seems to be a small little fandom getting started here on Tumblr. (Not that I’ve really met many of y’all yet. If you’re reading this, hi!) And while Proulx’s novel covers some 300 years — it’s one of those generational sagas, I gather, following characters and their distant descendants — thus far I’ve seen no indication that the show is going to be set up that way. I recall reading something that said they’d basically taken a small part of the novel and massively expanded the characters, etc., so for now, at least, I’m going to assume the show is staying within this one slice of history.

Anyway, though. I’ll admit I’ve not been devoting 100% of my attention to any given ep, as I gotta work on other things while I watch, but so far, it’s intriguing, it’s got a number of actors and characters I like in it, and I appreciate learning that it had input from a variety of indigenous contributors. Overall, I intend to continue seeing where it goes!

#barkskins #period drama #aneurin barnard #david thewlis #zahn mcclarnon #kaniehtiio horn #marcia gay harden #tallulah haddon #lily sullivan #christian cooke #james bloor #my meta #op

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astharoshebarvon · 4 years

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Good books

Almost a year later, I finally got Ten Count volume 6. I had to give myself a pep talk that it doesn’t matter if the bitch is part of the volume, just forget about her horrendous self.

In the end, my love for Kurose and Shirotani won and I bought it.

I am just so happy to have it in my hands!!! I love this manga so much! I can’t put into words how much I adore this series.

I also got Ameiro Paradox/ Candy Colour Paradox because I love that too. It’s funny as hell and is a wonderful read.

Did I mention how excited I am for Ten Count anime and Given movie? I can’t tell how thrilled I am that Given is getting a movie. I don’t know how many times I cried seeing Given anime, and the lyrics of the title song— just drive a knife through my heart why don’t you.

Fair warning, I am going to vent now. These are just some things which I don’t like in the slightest in stories and fandoms. If someone does, fine. Just remember, everyone doesn’t.

Let’s start with Ten Count. I saw some comments on a manga site that literally said the bitch ( I am not going to dignify her with a name. The slut doesn’t deserve it ) looked nice standing next to Kurose.

–She is cute even if she is evil.

–Yeah, I get what you mean. They look nice together.

I was shocked. I was so shocked. I was at a loss for words. Just because she is a girl some people are ready to forgive her for what she did and say ridiculous things like these. She ruined Shirotani in every way possible. How can someone even say that? I can’t put into words how disgusted I felt when I read that.

Do people even realise what OCD is? It’s not something to laugh about. What she and Shirotani’s father did, it wasn’t okay. I am glad Shirotani at least got the courage to talk to his father but that doesn’t erase the father was in the wrong too. Wasn’t he fucking a student?

My main problem is, why can’t people accept that some female characters are horrible? What’s with this crap of not calling bad fem characters bad? And she wasn’t even good looking, she was creepy.

The girlfriend of Halstead in Kyou Koi wo Hajimemasu, she was a monster. She actually said Kyouta tried to force himself on her when he didn’t do shit. She was the one coming onto him like some slag. She destroyed two boys friendship and what, we shouldn’t say she was bad because she is a girl. She was horrible.

I adore Hinohara Meguru’s works, I really do. I love love love Secret XXX and I am definitely going to buy it next April when it’s released. I adore Itsuki and Shouhei so much !!!

I will buy Therapy Game too because I love it. I am hoping Kamisama will be licensed soon. I really want to buy it. Rin is so darn nice, he has to be with Chiharu.

But whatever nonsense that was shown between Yuka and Shizuma—it’s unrealistic.

People don’t even look at people like Yuka after they break up with them. Regardless of the fact they are in same college or work at a same place.

It’s pathetic at best the way Shizuma says he is weak to her voice.

Not to mention she was a fucking stalker and what? They are friends? Even after what she did?

She was sleeping with someone else and they are still friends. She cheated on him, hurt him emotionally, hurt his feelings and he still talks to her.

Wow.

That’s not how the world works for any relationship.

Get out of here.

She was a bitch and I have a very bad feeling she and Shizuma’s other coworkers will create problems for him and Minato in the sequel being serialised now. Minato was so uncomfortable in the first chapter.

I don’t understand why no one said this is not reality. This is stupid.

If you want to defend female characters even if they are horrible and bad, fine.

But then, you shouldn’t write things like these : “This shows reality of gay couples.”

Pick up any tragic yaoi/shonen ai where one half of a couple marries a woman and the other is left alone. The reviews of the story have this line.

Those works are praised and applauded. Why? Is that really the reality of all same sex couples? Or are you just happy that one male got to be with a female.

If some people like reality so much, they should just go and see the news.

This reality factor isn’t present when female characters do horrendous shit (Yuka’s case). I didn’t see people saying, this is bull. Why does he even talk to her? And what the fuck does he mean by he is weak to her voice?

Dude, seriously. She cheated on you and you are weak to her voice????

This nonsense is present everywhere. Movies, books, novels, anime, manga.

Take Vampire knight for example.

The author should have been honest and said somewhere along the line she started shipping Zero and Kaname, but since Yuuki is the main girl she couldn’t put the two boys together. Zero/Kaname is a far better ship than Zeki or whatever Airen thing the author is trying to show now. It’s laughable at best, both Zeki and Airen.

I don’t like Ai, she loved Zero and now she is after his daughter. It’s weird.

Just because Ai is yume’s daughter doesn’t mean she is wonderful. I don’t like her or Ren.

You know what, it’s not even about like. I feel nothing for them. When I saw the new cover, I was like, yeah, it’s very pretty, and it’s very sweet. I am going to save the larger version when it becomes available.

That’s it. I could care less whether they are together or not.

Maybe there is a reason for Ai’s stupidity. She was raised among losers like Ruka and Aidou. Is it any wonder she ended up being weird as hell?

Ruka Souen was a horrible character, she was disgusting and I don’t understand why her husband, Akatsuki always threatened Kaname instead of talking to his oh so great love.

Dude, tell your girl to stop trying to get another woman’s man’s attention. Kaname doesn’t give a fuck about anyone except Yuuki Kuran, his love of life.

Ruka and Aidou were pathetic. The fucker even encouraged Zero to take Yuuki from Kaname, and this was supposed to be Kaname’s friend.

Yeah right. Hell, all of Kaname’s so called friends told Zero and Yuuki to get together, except, Takuma.

Have I mentioned how much I love the guy? He is the only real friend of Kaname. He had guts to say to both Zero and Yuuki what would they do if he said he had some reservations about their relationship. He brushed it off later though but at least he said it.

Except for Yuuki, Takuma and Seiren, Kaname held no feelings for anyone in this whole goddamn manga.

The only reason I am still reading this series is because I want my Yume happy ending.

Canon is shitty many times. Don’t force people to like a story or a movie. Or everything that happens in a story. Sometimes one just doesn’t like some things.

Whatever nonsense that was shown in avengers endgame (Steve–Peggy ). That was disgusting. It made my mother and me so uncomfortable that we didn’t even bother going and seeing the movie again. I saw infinity war twice but endgame – it was a horror fest.

If the movie makers wanted to show Steve with a woman that badly, well, Sharon and Natasha were right there. Why Peggy? It didn’t make sense and came off as creepy and gross. We get it, they became so scared of Stucky’s popularity that they had to show Steve with a woman. We get it.

For all three CA movies, Steve was all Bucky, Bucky, and Bucky. That’s it.

And he didn’t even talk to him in endgame. Right.

Steve/Nat was a good ship, they could have been together but what we got was some gross uncle - aunt - niece shit. Steve kissed Sharon right after Peggy’s funeral, that’s a fact. Where did his love go then?

Then again, this is the same character (Steve Rogers) who married female Tony Stark in one universe but otherwise fights with all male Tony’s.

God, could the writers get any more homophobic? Or maybe Steve saw Natasha Stark as a replacement for Peggy Carter too. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. Brunettes, women.

Yeah, that does make sense.

That’s why I hate when people genderbent one half of a slash couple. It’s inherently homophobic. Stop trying to justify your reasons. Don’t give ridiculous excuses like you wanted diversity and all that crap. You are only making yourself look stupid and dumb.

This rubbish need for diversity never arose with FM couples. So, please don’t.

Where are Female Tony and Male Pepper fics, where are Female Clint and Male Natasha fics? Oh, sorry, they don’t exist. Neither do female Tony and Pepper.

If they do, they aren’t that popular. And I am sure female Clint and Natasha doesn’t exist.

But one can find plenty female Bilbo, female Harry, female Tony fics. All these OC females paired with males. They are OFC. They aren’t real.

Some people just can’t accept them (Thorin/Bilbo, Steve/ Tony) as an MM slash ship so they change their gender.

It’s MM Slash. No matter how many times you write in fics, this is Fem Harry, this is Fem Tony, Harry is a girl. This is not slash in capitals.

Stop.

You are only coming off as desperate, nothing more.

Stop trying to undermine the MM slash ship. It’s a slash ship, it will always be slash.

Is there any female Ron and male Hermione story? Yeah, Granger wouldn’t look like a God now would she if Male Hermione attacked female Ron because Ron didn’t want to date him?

Another example.

Let’s turn Merope Gaunt into a man and have him rape Tom Riddle Sr who is a female. No one would give a fuck if Merope was abused then. Merope raped Tom Riddle Sr and I am still astounded by the fact she was portrayed as a tragic figure while Tom Riddle Sr was shown as arrogant.

Excuse me?

Nobody cared about him in the books. Did he deserve to get raped for months by Merope because he was what? A man? Arrogant? Fuck off.

Since she was abused that gave her the freedom to douse the man with Amortentia for months to make herself happy. What rubbish excuse is that?

He owed her nothing. If she was abused, that doesn’t mean he was obligated to like her or care for her. And after what she did to him, he made a wise decision to run away from her.

Merope Gaunt traumatized Tom Riddle Sr. The man never married, even after escaping from her. His fate was even worse than Merope’s.

I can’t believe that this was completely swept under the rug. No one felt sorry for the man. All sympathies were for Merope.

Many things in HP don’t make sense. Couples, characters, their decisions etc.

Its fine if many people love it but there are many who don’t like it too. Stop trying to tell everyone what they should like or not. If someone doesn’t, respect that.

Genderbending one half of a slash couple is annoying and irritating. It’s homophobic and will remain that. All the dominant male keeps on saying in those dumb fics is how much they want to fuck the female/genderment male or are enamored with her chest and body. It’s revolting to even read that.

And of course they want lots of babies. That’s a must. Hetero sex and babies. That’s the crux of almost all gender bent fics. The dominant male wants to see the OFC with his babies.

Great!

Slash haters don’t hate this, do they? Isn’t this fetishizing female anatomy? Or have you actually deluded yourself into thinking female Bilbo and female Harry exists.

They don’t.

Harry Potter is a boy, so is Bilbo Baggins. Hell, Tony Stark is a man except for in one universe.

Steve can’t fall in love with Tony if he is a male. What did he fell for then? Fem Tony’s body?

Gender bent isn’t even crack, its worse than crack. Either these original character females are docile and nice or are BAMF’s like anything.

And don’t say don’t read if you don’t like it. Why not? Why shouldn’t we make fun of these stories?

These same people have the audacity to whine about slash ships on many platforms. Even in FM stories MM is not shown as something normal. I’ve come across many FM stories which literally made me want to throw something at the screen. Some were blatantly insulting to same sex relationships.

And let’s not forget genderbent FM stories which have this rubbish line: we are okay with fem slash, but not with MM slash.

Okay, fine. Good.

What the hell does that even mean?

Hmm, maybe that’s why genderbent FF couples don’t exist. This change is only meant for MM.

Right. Wonderful.

Yikes !

This ridiculous sentence is written on many fic writers profile and these same people changed one half of a MM slash couple into a female, with this lovely sentence at the beginning of their stories: This is not slash. It’s not SLASH. We can’t stress enough, it’s not slash!

How many times do these people have to tell themselves that it’s not slash?

It’s MM slash and will always be that.

#ten count #given #Ameiro paradox #shoujo

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kinetic-elaboration · 4 years

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September 4: 1x13 The Conscience of the King

Past midnight and I’m tired but!! The Conscience of the King!

This was a wild ep. A lot to untangle about it.

Dramatic Shakespeare! Jim’s very invested in the performance.

I legit thought that the guy next to him was McCoy the first time I watched this. I hadn’t seen much ST at the time and that’s my excuse but also in my defense he has a similar facial structure and it’s dark.

“What do I do about my log???” New hydration game: drink whenever someone mentions their logs.

So Tarsus had only 8,000 people--that’s not very many. They must have been very isolated and new. And Kodos killed 4,000.

The Karidian players are part of the “Galactic Cultural Exchange Project.”

One of my problems with believing this Kirk/Lenore romance outside the usual honeypot aspects is that she is a little young for him perhaps??? I say as if I didn’t know couples with a bigger age gap but--she’s only 19 so it’s different.

So Kodos faked his death, fairly immediately had a daughter, and then changed his identity. Her age being exactly 19 is probably just about keeping math simple but I would like to read more into it than that.

Major plot hole that there’s a PICTURE of Kodos in the database. Like???? Then everyone knows what he looks like? The idea that only 9 people have the secret knowledge to bring him to justice and yet also everyone with an internet connection can see his photo is just nonsense.

Kirk, being charming at a party. I feel like his flirt game isn’t so strong at first (here, have this glass I’ve already sipped from?) but it gets stronger as their conversation goes on. He doesn’t have the greatest lines but his attitude is so charming and attractive it legit does not matter what he’s saying.

I used to feel, at least, that Lenore was one of his real, legit love interests, probably because of the ending and because it was one of the first eps I saw so I took it as more face value, but on a rewatch... not really sure. At any rate this initial flirting is all about the Strategy.

I find it somewhat disturbing that Lenore played her father��s wife.

The Astral Queen??

Lenore is really bad at judging Kirk, like from beginning to end. If this were airing now and I were in the fandom, I’d be getting into internet fights with people about how her analyses of him are biased and shouldn’t be taken at face value because they clearly have no connection to how he actually is. “Where’s the brash young man from the party?” Was there ever a brash young man? Is he in any way different on their walk versus inside??

A dead body, what a mood killer.

I like the aesthetic of this planet, though.

Wow, wtf, Kirk, your friend’s widow is crying and you give her a five-second hug and then literally push her off screen? Gotta hurry it up ma’am!

So he just has to say ‘over and out’ and the communicator cuts the transmission and he can call someone else. Very high-tech.

Spock is displeased. A little suspicious. A little jealous.

How did you know she was coming on the ship? “I’m the Captain.”

Spock should appreciate how sneaky Kirk is being with all his schemes. It’s not Menagerie level but still.

Riley! I wish he were in more eps. He’s one of my favorite minor characters. I realize he’s only in this one because they accidentally cast the same actor twice but still--he had potential. I see he’s been taken out of Navigation. And given a backstory in Engineering, and then moved to Communications. But he keeps the gold shirt. Busy fellow.

“Star Service.”

So he transferred Riley to protect him because he figured... no one knows where Engineering is?

I love this Spock and McCoy scene. McCoy being so laid back and Spock being like “I am suspicious of this suspicious situation.”

Vulcan was never conquered though??

“Your personal chemistry wouldn’t allow you to see that” sounds an awful lot like a veiled “you’re gay” reference.

Someone finally comments on the romantic lighting that follows Kirk around.

Wow, how did all this “surging and throbbing” talk get past the censors? Tone it down, Lenore.

Kirk claims he eventually really liked her, but this is like the last positive scene they have and he’s still CLEARLY fishing for information.

Love that cut from Lenore and Kirk making out to Spock alone on the bridge at night, brooding. (No one needs to steer the ship at night I guess?)

Poor Riley, stuck by himself in Engineering during the late shift. “You’ve been a bad boy.” I love when the crew gets to just hang out and be friends. Also interesting that Uhura has borrowed Spock’s harp.

Spock: “Riley can’t die because KIRK.”

This is a great triumvirate scene. I love how they play off each other, and how they simultaneously care about each other and about their jobs and doing the right thing.

I do find it weird that McCoy is so anti this whole investigating Kodos thing. Like, this isn’t some crazy vengeful path that Jim’s on or whatever he’s implying. Jim’s actually being pretty careful and slow in his actions? And there is someone actively killing people, like--the threat is imminent? It’s just a weird side to represent. I get the balance they’re trying to portray with the three sides but McCoy just doesn’t have a good argument and Jim doesn’t really need to be pulled back--if anything, he needs to be pushed, as Spock is pushing him.

“Logic isn’t enough. I’ve got to feel my way.”

Double red alert sounds like double secret probation.

Spock shushing the Captain.

Throw the phaser out the window.

Lol after all this hullabaloo about being extra sure and all this scheming to get people on his ship--Kirk just comes out and asks Karidian if he’s Kodos. Well that’s one way about it!

Kodos, like his daughter, fundamentally misunderstands Jim. I know he seems very ‘starship captain with his technological tests’ or whatever but--to call him not human?? He is the MOST human!!

Kirk does understand life or death decisions but he would never have made the decision Kodos made.

I’m with Spock, this is not ambiguous. This man is clearly Kodos. I’m glad there was a character actively saying that the alleged tension in this “who is he really?” plot line is not actually real.

This guy is such a manipulative drama queen oml.

I feel like the morality of this situation is not as gray as some characters are trying to make it. Like, no, Lenore, no one’s crying a river for Kodos lol.

The Kodoses again are either not good at reading Kirk or are deliberately trying to gaslight him into incorrect beliefs about himself because he has literally been nothing but human and merciful this entire time!!! An inhuman person would be like “logically he has to be Kodos” and an unmerciful person would be like “and he needs to die” and just like killed him 10 minutes into the ep.

This is the downside of audio logs--private things don’t stay very private.

Riley’s on the loose! Very IC of him.

I love that the ship has a theater, btw.

Riley must have been very young on Tarsus. No more than maybe 6, 7 years old. Knowing what I know about people’s inability to actually remember things or identify people with any accuracy at all, I don’t actually believe he recognizes Kodos’s voice. But what were we saying about how Kirk is unmerciful and in human?

Riley sure backs down fast when Kirk says so.

This Lenore and Kodos scene is probably the best in the whole ep. Really laying bare their fucked up relationship and how absolutely, tragically, irredeemably mad she is. The drama! I love a true wild woman.

The irony! The Shakespearean over-the-top-ness of it all!

You know at least one person in the audience thinks this is just a really weird play.

Leave it to McCoy to ask all the wrong questions lol. He wants to know if Jim liked the girl--who the fuck cares? He knew her for one day. Maybe he was briefly legit interested in her for a few minutes there, but she’s certifiable AND she tried to kill him, so that’s that on that.

The real important thing we should be talking about here is how Jim feels about the death of a man who killed 4,000 people and traumatized him for life.

And Spock stays away entirely, instead of walking over the chair as he usually does. Giving Kirk space to sort out his feelings, perhaps?

So yeah there’s a lot to unpack in this ep.

I think I once ran across a tumblr post that said this ep implied Kirk was slated to be on the to kill list but honestly it’s pretty clearly the opposite--Kodos killed exactly who he wanted to kill, so if Kirk’s alive, Kirk was supposed to live. (I guess they thought the implication came from Kirk being one of the people to see him? But we have no idea what the circumstances of that were, or why the people to see him included a couple of teenagers and a small child.) Also I think I heard once that there was a deleted line about Kirk saying he was one of the people considered worth saving.

This ep is really wild because introducing Tarsus into Jim’s background really changes a lot and introduces a lot into his character and yet it’s basically just done for plot purposes, to make sure the main character stays at the center of the story. But truly it must have transformed him to witness that at ~15.

Overall we hear very little from Kirk directly here. We know he wants to be sure Karidian is Kodos, and he goes to a lot of trouble to be sure, even though it’s quite obvious there’s no mystery to these massive coincidences. We know from his actions--bringing the players aboard, using Lenore, transferring Riley--that he’s deeply affected by this. And sometimes people (who don’t know him well) talk about him, mostly incorrectly (though in a way where I wonder if the writer was trying to get us to think this stuff is true of him? for the dramatic effect?) But for all that, he doesn’t talk about his feelings much at all.

Another take on this ep that I also saw on tumblr and liked a lot was that Kirk is so optimistic and hopeful in part because of Tarsus, because he saw that Kodos rushed to kill people when he really didn't need to, when he didn't think the supply ship would come in time--but then it came early. So the lesson to take from that is, to always be hopeful, to always believe in the last minute save, to always prioritize people's lives and safety first because anything could happen.

I feel like we're supposed to feel bad for Kodos in some way because he left all the mass murdering behind ages ago BUT it doesn't work so well because we're also supposed to believe, imo, that he was the killer, not Lenore. Like, Spock wants Kirk to act as if this man is Kodos and be proactive, but he's not doing it because he's a vengeful person--he's doing it because Kodos, he thinks, is threatening Kirk. Spock never goes beyond that to advocate, for example, a vengeance killing versus giving him to the authorities versus idk just yelling at him or something. So this idea that interfering with Kodos in any way is just being mean is sort of bizarre--there's an active threat here.

Plus sorry but committing genocide 20 years ago isn’t something we just sweep under the rug. He was the mastermind of something truly horrendous and he got away with it! I’m not going to feel bad for him!

And on top of that the idea that he was just killing people to save other people is one thing--at least morally gray I GUESS lol. But he was targeting people for his own eugenics purposes!! He even says this is part of "the Revolution." The famine was an excuse. He wanted to kill them.

Like I realize most of the people getting on Kirk's back for literally everything are the Kodoses, who are nuts and evil, but I feel like he took a lot of shit for doing nothing wrong.

My mom was wondering how Lenore knew her father was Kodos. I’m not entirely sure but I will say I love her and how just unrepetentedly mad she is. I prefer Lenore to most TOS women because I often feel like the show doesn't......really know how to write women. With Lenore there was no attempt to make her anything but off her rocker nuts. And the twist that she was the killer was effective.

She has that very classic insanity, which is the person who has only one thought and it consumes them. Only one purpose. I think she must have been raised separate from literally everyone but her father--he's been a traveling actor her whole life, so she never socialized, she never went to school, she had no other family. He's very private so she never had, like, a social circle. So he's her WHOLE WORLD. And then maybe she got suspicious as to why that was, and discovered his past. And then she felt that this past threatened him, and anything that threatened him threatened EVERYTHING. So she became...this person we see here.

And, as my mom also pointed out, the ‘body burned beyond recognition’ story is so suspect. With all their future tech? There was no way to id it? Also, what was the official explanation as to how that happened? We know 4,000 people were killed; we know a supply/rescue ship came early, and we know Kodos died and his body wasn’t identified. But what’s the rest of the sequence of events? Was there a riot or revolt and he was killed? Did he kill himself? It’s unlikely he burned to death on accident. The point is that he did not fake his death by himself.

One downfall of this ep is that it is very complicated for only 50 minutes. So much stuff is cut short or cut out--a lot of the backstory, most of Kirk’s feelings, but even stuff like Riley backing down so fast, or Tom’s widow getting literally pushed off screen while she’s grieving. The idea that Lenore and Kirk were supposed to have a real romance somehow? And, the eugenics angle is obviously a huge part of the story but it’s barely touched upon.

According to the trivia on amazon, the original script explained Kirk's presence on Tarsus as being related to Starfleet--he was just out of the Academy and stationed there. That would make him older than other episodes assume him to be--about 42, versus 34-36. But I like it better having him be a teen bc then we don't expect him to know all the stuff that went down later, the aftermath etc. My mom suggested he might have been doing the high school version of a study abroad year, since he’s so smart. This would also explain why his family doesn’t seem to have been on Tarsus, even though if we take his age from other episodes, he was not an adult.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think AOS Kirk was on Tarsus, if in fact Tarsus happened at all in the alternate universe. I just see no evidence in his character that would make me think he’d had that experience.

Next up is Balance of Terror, yet another favorite episode. I mean Mark Lenard?? Romulans?? Can’t go wrong with that.

#star trek tos #the year 2020 #2020: fandom thoughts #2020: star trek #wow this got long i am so tired now it's 2am

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gulfportofficial · 3 years

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And now for a horse of a different color. I’m trying to sort my files lately which means reading a lot of old unfinished stuff, and I have... all of this stuff from which this is excerpted and nothing to do with it cuz I’m never gonna finish it. This is not a GP excerpt, nor even an excerpt of political robot erotica. It’s another character from another piece for another fandom under another identity but specifically it’s a a number of conversations between a gay man who had to publicly come out at 40 and his ex-workmate and his mom who kinda-knew-but-didn’t and his older boyfriend. Anyway, I thought some of y’all might like it.

It was late, but he was hungry. And bored. He got Johnson to meet him for pool and a sandwich. That turned out to be easy to do because he didn’t even make the call himself. Instead, he shamelessly organized it through his detail. He didn’t know these guys yet, but he knew the system, and he knew what protectees could and couldn’t ask for. One of the things that protectees could ask for was social arrangements made late at night, and it probably helped that the contact in this case was on the secret service books. He got them to arrange a meeting in a bar he could get roast beef.

Ed was, he thought, just about used to being in a situation like this with his own detail. It made him antsy, sure, like he was at work but not doing any work, but if he thought about it like an investigation or a stakeout, he could kind of roleplay it. Johnson didn’t seem to be bothered being escorted into the place either, which was notable in someone that anxious. Maybe he was adopting the same approach Ed was? Or already drunk, given the time. It seemed likely.

If anything, actually, he seemed to think it was funny. Get you, Eddie, Ed could hear him thinking when he sat down on his barstool. Ed bought him a beer out of silent acknowledgement and handed him a menu. “It’s midnight, I don’t know if I need a sandwich,” Johnson said. But he took the menu anyway.

“Don’t have to,” Ed said. “That’s just what I’m doing.”

“Right.”

“How’s work?”

“Pretty much the same.”

“You on PD still?”

“Yeah, still West Wing. Might get promoted.”

Ed nodded. He put two fingers up and they ordered sandwiches. Johnson had a new haircut and Ed wondered if he should say something. He wasn’t sure if they knew each other well enough to comment on things like appearances.

“You look good,” Johnson said, resolving that issue. Ed nodded at that too.

“Just went to dinner at the White House,” he said. He waved his hand over his suit. “That’s what this is about.”

“Did they not feed you?”

“They did, just wanted a sandwich.”

“Down for the depositions?”

“It’s the last one,” Ed said. “Tomorrow I’m done. That’s it. Are you looking for an apartment? I’m not going to need mine anymore.”

“I’ve got an apartment, thanks Eddie.”

“Okay then.”

Johnson’s brows were knotted in the middle of his face. That was the kind of nervy expression Ed recognized on him. It was weirdly reassuring. “Are you…” Johnson said. “I don’t want to be rude but are you okay?”

“Just hungry,” Ed said.

“Wanted a midnight sandwich?”

“Sure did.”

“Well, okay. Glad it’s not some kind of crisis.”

“Nope.”

“Or some kind of late night… you know, mission or something. That’s what I thought, when they called me. Like maybe you wanted information or something. But if you’ve just been to the White House I guess you don’t.”

“I don’t,” Ed said. “This is just a friendly visit.”

“Question,” Johnson said. “Do you ever… I find, sometimes, when I’m socializing, you know, normal socializing, having a sandwich, that sometimes I say regular things but because of the way I say them, I don’t sound social.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I kind of sound like a cop.”

Ed laughed. It took him by so much surprise that beer came out of his nose. Johnson smiled back at him. It was a hopeful, sweet grin, like he was really proud to have made Ed laugh. Then sandwiches were put in front of them and Ed said thank you but it came out choked because of the beer. He coughed.

“How’s married life?” Johnson asked him.

“Not actually married life, but it’s fine,” Ed said.

Johnson was still smiling. He really did seem like he was happy to be seeing Ed and Ed didn’t know how to feel about that. He pulled his sandwich apart to check on the tomato. One thing he could say about not-actually-married life was that now he was fussy about tomatoes. Southern tomatoes, apparently, were better, and should only ever be eaten in season.

“You could now though,” Johnson said. “I mean, legally. Right?”

“You don’t think that would be kind of politically stupid?”

“How do you mean?”

“Look, I appreciate your liberal attitude,” Ed said. “It’s refreshing. But as far as the rest of the country goes, I’ve stopped asking to review my own mail because after a while the death threats just get depressing.”

Johnson nodded. His new haircut made him look like a short, fleshy Matt Damon, especially making this serious face. It suited him. “Content or volume?”

“Definitely both.”

“That’s really rough, man.”

“It’s not so bad,” Ed said. “The press stuff is worse.”

“I liked your interview.”

“Thanks.”

“Liked your mom’s too. Nice to put a face to the voice.”

“Oh Jesus I forgot about that. What did you get?”

“It’s tuna.”

“I was gonna say,” Ed said, “that I just wish they’d leave my mom alone. And I do. But you’re right, it was a good surprise interview at least.”

“She gave them a good stern shaming. They probably came out worse off.”

“Yeah.”

“That where you get it from?”

Ed snorted. “Probably.”

“You’re lucky having a mom like that.”

Ed didn’t know how to answer that. Because the truth was that he was. He was extremely lucky to have a mom like that. The fact that every conversation they’d had since Ed’s grand revelation had been hard and strained and weird didn’t change that. He was extremely lucky in his mother and he didn’t get to be ungrateful.

The interview with his dad was bullshit. It wasn’t damaging-to-the-President bullshit, or even bullshit that could do anything to him, but it was absolutely bullshit that would do something to his mom. And just bullshit in general, but that was nothing new from his dad. But he was lucky in his mom.

He remembered calling his dad from the hotel in DC. It was funny how coming out to his dad didn’t mean anything. With his mother it had been borderline traumatic, but with his dad he didn’t care. It meant less than doing it at work. He’d tried to assess what kind of protections his dad and his new family would need and to present it in a simple enough way they wouldn’t have to nitpick about it, but the “dad, I’m a homosexual and I’m fucking the disgraced former President of these united states” part of it was a whole lot of nothing. He guessed this time he at least didn’t feel five years old again, at least. Sometimes that happened, that he’d start the call feeling secure and adult and then somehow end up wandering into feeling like a little kid nobody wanted to pay attention to.

So this time he’d talked quickly. Sure, he’d asked himself why he didn’t care, but the answer was never satisfying. He didn’t care because his father wasn’t anybody. He was just some guy. The President had looked at him strangely, and Ed had wondered if there was something wrong with his face. Or if he was holding his body wrong. He thought he might be scowling. Probably like he was scowling now.

“He was so involved while you were under,” the President had said.

“That’s what he’s like.”

“How so?”

“He’s just not really interested in anything unless it’s easy or he’s getting something out of it. And there was press around, I guess, and he saw his moment.”

“I see.”

“Look, you can’t repeat any of this to my mother,” Ed said. “I mean, assuming you ever meet her. But there are some things about my dad she’s determined to protect me from so I just pretend that I don’t know them. You watch, she’ll never say a bad word about him when I’m around. But he’s that sort of guy.”

“The sort of guy who’s concerned about his son?”

“The sort of guy who was gone by the time I woke up.”

“Oh yes,” the President said. “Yes, I see what you mean.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“No, but Claire did.” He could still say her name back then.

“Well, he’s an asshole.”

The President gave him a very solemn look. When he spoke, it sounded angry but like he was trying not to give into it. That was odd. Difficult to parse. “Did he…?” he said.

It was unusual for him to start talking without knowing what he was going to say, Ed thought. But he had this time. Or maybe he knew what to say but not how to moderate it, and that was what was tripping him up? Ed wanted to intercede before the President could actually get himself distressed, but he couldn’t figure it out. “Did he…?” the President said again, and there was a flinch in his shoulders and Ed got it.

“No,” he said. “It’s nothing like that. They’re just divorced and I don’t talk to him that much.”

“Well, why not?”

“Because he’s an asshole,” Ed said. “Not in a way that needs me to talk about it to you. He’s just a regular, ordinary dirtbag. Couple of times a year on the phone is sufficient.”

“What do you mean dirtbag?”

“What does anybody mean? Cheated a lot, I guess, but it’s more kind of the general attitude.”

“What’s ‘a lot’?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ed said. “Don’t worry about him. I don’t.”

“Here’s the thing about the Catholic Church,” Ed said, in the bar, to Johnson, while Johnson was chalking his cue. They’d wanted to play pool, and so they were.

“Here’s the thing,” Ed repeated. “They’re pretty anti us getting married, as a stance. But if the option is getting married or us living in sin, I think they prefer it if we do.”

“You can’t like, have kids though,” blowing the chalk. He leaned over the table.

“Yeah no shit. I’m not saying it’s logical. I’m just telling you the facts. We shouldn’t be fucking at all but if we do we shouldn’t use birth control.”

“That makes no sense.”

“I said it didn’t.”

“Yeah, but like, no sense.”

“Shut up, Johnny. Don’t make me defend Catholicism.”

Calling Johnson ‘Johnny’ was the sort of thing that should’ve felt weird, but it didn’t. Was he flirting with him? It wasn’t the way he’d usually flirt. It wasn’t the way he’d usually get someone to look him in the eye so he could flick it back at them. He thought he was, a little though. Not for any outcome, but because he could. Flexing a new power, flirting as part of a whole cosmopolitan persona. If he was roleplaying, maybe it was at this.

“Would you want to get married?” Johnson asked him.

“Dunno,” Ed said. “Don’t usually gamble on the future.”

“Not a gamble, is it.”

“Dunno.”

“I know this song,” Johnson said. He swayed ever so slightly on his feet, but he corrected himself to line his cue up. One of those people who got good at pool when he got drunk, Ed figured.

“I know it,” he said, again. “It’s really pissing me off, I can’t place it.”

“It’s Britney, bitch,” Ed said.

Johnson looked up at him with wide, shocked eyes, and then he laughed. “What the fuck?”

“It’s Britney Spears,” Ed said. He knew why Johnson was laughing, but he also knew he’d keep laughing if he didn’t let on that he knew why, so he didn’t. “It’s Piece of Me from the album Blackout, 2007,” he said, completely deadpan.

“How do you even know that?”

“Because, Johnny, I’m a homosexual whose sluttiest period was the late naughties.”

He made a show of chalking his own cue while he enjoyed the reaction to that. Johnson pushed his cue into the table with laughter and Ed worried he might break it.

“Wait, weren’t you still in the corps then,” Johnson said.

“Sure was.”

“But didn’t they… sorry, is this rude? What about DADT?”

“What about it?” Ed said.

“I just don’t think I’d be that brave.”

“It’s not brave, it’s just animal.”

“I mean, I wasn’t that brave.”

“Excuse me?” Ed said, but Johnson was already shooting and the moment was gone.

He reflexively scrolled through Grindr for hookups in the car back to the apartment, but he didn’t arrange any. It wasn’t just because it would have been complicated, with his new celebrity status, it was that, he didn’t want to. He texted the President instead. He was still up somehow, which probably wasn’t a good thing, but Ed was glad of it anyway. Maybe the best thing about all these trips was the President’s texts. He flirted with aplomb in text.

Ed liked it. He fell asleep in his empty apartment with his hand down his pants and woke up in just enough time to get ready for the last part of the hearing.

The final hearing was, much like being on the phone with his dad, a whole lot of nothing.

***

Ed didn’t know if he’d ever get used to how cold it could get in Maine. Nothing in his life so far had prepared him for this kind of whole environment arctic cold, cold where nothing even seemed to be causing it. It wasn’t cold because it was high up, or windy off the sea, it wasn’t cold because there was snow. It was just cold.

He wondered why the President hadn’t wanted to move in summer, though he guessed it was less that he’d decided on winter and more that he’d decided at all. So it happened to be winter, so what? The President wasn’t intimidated by weather. It was time to move now.

Ed blew into his hands waiting for the car to warm up. In addition to everything else, he wondered why he hadn’t started to drive home yet. He was perched in the parking lot of the Shaw’s, two bags of groceries in the back, running the heater, and not driving. He probably wasn’t supposed to smoke in the car but he did anyway. Just one.

Part of him assumed that what he was doing was letting the moment land. He hadn’t been Between Jobs in a long time, but it wasn’t that he was worried about unemployment. He wasn’t worried about money, and he wasn’t really worried anyway, just conscious. Conscious of the absolute closure of an entire career. Conscious of leaping into the unknown. It gave him pause in a way a lot of scarier things hadn’t, and he felt that it warranted one quiet cigarette in the parking lot of the Shaw’s.

Halfway through, he called his mom. “Eddie?” his mother said. “Are you smoking?”

“Yeah,” Ed said. “Just one though. So listen, dad…”

“It’s a slippery slope. It’s just one today, but it’s ten tomorrow.”

“I know, Ma.”

“If you knew, you wouldn’t do it, so I don’t think you do know. Your great uncle died of lung cancer, Eddie. And Joey has heart disease now, some kind of fatty blockage.”

“Ma…”

“They’re putting a stent in and…”

“Ma…”

“… they wouldn’t have to if he didn’t smoke, the doctor said that specifically. He said it was smoking.”

“Ma,” Ed said, “can we just… not do this? I’m having one cigarette in the parking lot of a fucking Shaw’s and I don’t want to talk about how I’m going to die of lung cancer.”

He heard his mother moving the phone around. Probably she was doing something else with her hands. She didn’t react to his snapping, or to his swearing, so he guessed that whatever it was, it was calming. “So you’re in a great big mood, as usual,” she said.

“I guess.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just… never mind. I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t smoke.”

“Well, you’re right, you’re a grown man.”

“Yeah, but you’re still my mom.”

“Glad to hear that still holds water,” she said. “Did you just get back from Washington?”

“Yeah, I did. How’d you know that?”

“Eddie, two of my brothers are cops and so was my son and I haven’t even counted how many nephews. I know how to crack a case.”

Ed laughed. “Okay, but tell me how.”

“I knew you were down there because of the papers.”

“Oh right, yeah.”

“And I knew you were back in New England because of the Shaw’s.”

“That’s pretty good, Ma.”

“Not bad, huh?”

“So how are you?”

His mother made an annoyed little sigh. “Oh, you know. I changed my number like you said to… well, you know, you’re calling me on it, so far so good. Sometimes they still come up to me, but that’s getting less. I’m still same old me, after all.”

“I’m really sorry,” Ed said. “I wish there was a way to make them leave you alone. I’ve really been trying. I thought maybe after that one interview they would.”

“It’s not your fault, Eddie. They’re just vultures. Do you know what it reminds me of? Princess Diana. Remember how the paparazzi kept chasing her and chasing her, and then she died! I’m extra careful when I’m driving, just in case.”

“So you’re Princess Di in this scenario?”

“Alright, watch that tone, smartass. Your mother can still turn it out.”

“Gross, Ma.”

“Your boyfriend is the same age as I am, Eddie.”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“Nobody you need to know about.”

Ed chose not to point out that in this at least he was his mother’s son.

Whether or not his mother changed the subject on purpose he didn’t know. “The other thing it makes me think of is Edward VIII,” she said. “Or, he does, he makes me think of that. Abdicating the throne for love.”

“Well, that’s not why…”

“It all just seems very English to me somehow, I don’t know. Don’t you think? Like it’s a throne, just being inherited.”

“Are you maybe just watching The Crown?”

“I did watch that, but I would have thought of it anyway, and besides, they’re not up to Diana. I don’t know if they’ll get up to Diana. It’s a pretty slow moving show, if you want my opinion.”

“Sure.”

“I’m watching Veep now.”

“You don’t usually watch stuff like that,” Ed said.

“I have a sudden interest,” his mother said, dryly. “I get some of the jokes. I’m meant to get the jokes, I think. Here, let me read this out to you, it’s in the Register.”

“I mean, sure…”

“Listen. It’s a review: ‘the secret service agent’s relationship with her look-alike’s daughter, while widely assumed to be about as close to parodying the former President’s scandalous affair with the head of his protection detail as Legal allowed, is barely able to get to the real heart of the corrupt Underwood administration…’ it goes on, something about, oh you know, it’s political. Do you want to hear the rest?”

“I really don’t.”

“Alright, but is that true?”

“Is what true?”

“Are they based on you and… the President?”

“I mean, yeah,” Ed said. “I think so. I guess.”

“They’re having a baby this season.”

“That’s nice.”

“Is that based on the two of you as well?”

“No, Ma,” Ed said. “I’d tell you if we were having a baby.”

“Well, that’s reassuring,” his mother said, sarcastically.

“Ma…”

“Given how much you love to tell me things.”

“Ma…”

“I’m guessing you’re not… cold food vegans either.”

“No Ma, that’s lesbians. We’re guys, we eat meat.”

“Clea DuVall was in another gay movie, did you know that, Eddie?”

“Yes, Ma. It’s called But I’m a Cheerleader. I’m a 90s Gay. I know about it.”

“Well, excuse me, but I’m trying to relate here. I didn’t know you were any kind of gay until about two months ago.”

“Well, now you do,” Ed said, much too harshly.

He regretted that. He regretted how reflexive being defensive about all of this was to him. He knew he was snapping at her because he felt guilty, though exactly which part of things he was most guilty about was hard to put his finger on, much less articulate. There was a silence and Ed wasn’t sure what it stood for. Apologies, maybe, but he didn’t know whose. A moment of silence for silences past.

“It’s just that you had this whole life you never told me about,” she said, at last.

“I’m sorry, Ma.”

“I’m not riding you about it. You would have had your reasons.”

“Yeah, but they were dumb.”

“Young men are allowed to be dumb. It goes along with the territory of being men.”

And you could have asked me, Ed thought, but he didn't say it. What he said was “great," and then he thought, then he knew, he’d heard the click of a lighter and a slight inhale from his mother's end of the phone.

“Are you shitting me, Ma?" he said "You’re smoking now? What about lung cancer?”

“Well, if you’re allowed one then so am I.”

“I thought I wasn’t allowed one!”

“Was it like that, though?”

“Whatd’ya mean?” Ed said.

“Don’t be stupid. I know you’re not a girl, and you didn’t fall for the President’s daughter. But you’re not going to quit your job and move states for someone you’re not in love with.”

“Well, yeah.”

“You love him.”

“Yeah. I do.”

“So, was it like that?”

“I don’t know, Ma,” Ed said. “What are you asking me? If I... I don't understand the question.”

“You feel so far away,” his mother said. “Do you want to come down for a little while? You can bring… him with you if you like.”

“We’re just settling in up here.”

“What does that mean?”

“I guess I don’t know. We have a place. I don’t have a job.”

“One good thing to come out of all of this,” his mother said, “is that you’re finally changing jobs.”

“Oh great. You too, huh?”

“What do you mean, you too?”

“You know he wouldn’t let me go back on the force?”

“Who?”

“Frank. The President.”

“Well, at least we have one thing in common.”

“That, and Downton Abbey.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, he likes it. I still hate it.”

“Oh, you just don’t like anything good.”

“But you can come up, when we do,” Ed said. “I mean. If you want to.”

That seemed to take his mother by surprise. “Of course I do.”

“I didn’t know if you wanted to meet him.”

“Eddie,” his mother said, “of course.”

“I just wasn’t sure.”

“Oh, Eddie,” his mother said.

She sounded so bereft. Ed had to work to keep hold of his composure and he wasn’t even sure he succeeded. “I’m so sorry, Ma,” he said.

“One of these days, Eddie bear,” his mother said, “you and I will have a talk about regrets. I understand more about it than you think. Your father…”

She didn’t speak for a little while. Ed’s cigarette had burned down and he dropped it into his coffee cup. He thought about lighting another. “Ma? His interview…”

“No, never mind,” she said. “Another time. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”

“Ma, I kind of called to talk about it.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I just think some of what he said is bullshit.”

“Your father will say what he’s going to say, Eddie.”

“Yeah, and it’s shit.”

“He’s your father,” his mother said. “You’ve only got one."

Sometimes Ed noticed that whenever he felt bad about his mother, whenever he worried about worrying her, he pinched the bridge of his nose. From other people and from movies it seemed like that was a pretty common gesture in response to stress, but whenever Ed did it, he thought about something specific. Specifically, he thought about when he broke his nose by sliding into home on his face.

It had been accidental (the face part, not the sliding in), but initially he had felt good about it anyway. He bled everywhere, but it didn’t seem to hurt while they were winning. It hurt like fuck when he got home though. His mother had shrieked, and then the pain had hit him.

She couldn’t set it. He knew she worried about it later, because he heard her say it a couple of times, that his nose was crooked and that was her fault, but she couldn’t set it. He’d sat with a cold washcloth on his face while she readied herself, but then when she’d gripped it he cried so hard she could only give it the smallest adjustment. Then he threw up on her. She had taken that with grace, forcing herself (he guessed) to look nothing but sympathetic while she cleaned them both off and then bundled him up onto the sofa in front of the television. She let him lie there for the rest of the night.

Ed remembered eating mashed potatoes and then sleeping. He remembered his mother lifting his much shorter but still gangly legs up so she could sit herself under them. He’d watched TV with his legs on her lap after his surgeries too.

It was stupid, maybe, but Madame President Actual kissing his cheek had reminded him of that. Actually, it was more than stupid, it was fucked up. He had no interest in kissing his mother like that. But he guessed they just felt in some ways the same kind of safe.

Bilson, or it was probably Bilson - in Ed’s head they were all just called ‘New Guy’ - knocked on the window and Ed rolled it down. He held up a finger. “I gotta go, Ma.”

“I love you,” his mother said.

Her voice hurt him to hear and his own voice hurt him to use but he didn’t know what else to do. “Love you too,” he said.

His phone rang again as soon as he hung up. “Ed?” the President barked, “where the hell are you?”

“Grocery store,” Ed said.

“What on earth for?”

Ed hesitated. “For… uh, groceries?”

“You got in an hour and a half ago, what are you doing there?”

“I called my mom about my dad’s article, okay? Relax.”

There was a pause. “What article?” the President said.

“It’s in the LA Times,” Ed said. “No idea why. Guess they approached him.”

“What article specifically please, Edward? Give me details.”

Ed heard him shuffling, moving stuff around. He was getting a pen, probably. He’d be writing this down. He’d probably call someone. He might be slipping on his reading glasses. Ed knew what that looked like, that officious, scowling face he made on the phone.

“It’s my dad,” Ed said. “He’s done some kind of exclusive. About our relationship.”

“Ours?”

“Mine and his. His and my mom’s. Yours and mine by association.”

The President grunted. “It’s bad?”

“It’s not great,” Ed said.

“In what sense?”

“In the sense that he has strongly implied that he and I didn’t have a closer relationship due to my mom conspiring to keep us apart.”

“That’s not true, is it?”

“It’s not remotely true,” Ed said. “If anything, the opposite is, so I don’t know what the fuck he thinks he’s doing except trying to get in on the story.”

There was a pause at the President’s end. The kind of pause that sounded like it was happening in reaction to Ed losing his cool. Which Ed didn’t think he had, but then the President cleared his throat in a way that turned Ed’s speculation into a certainty. Ed started to get mad about it. If the President thought he’d lost his cool before, he was about to learn something.

“Are you alright?” the President said. Cautiously. Ed tried to wind it down.

“I’m fine,” Ed said. “I’m just… I’m… you know, my mom…”

“You say you called her?”

“Yeah. She’s okay.”

“And you?”

“I said I’m fine.”

“Are you fine?”

“I’m fine,” Ed said, again. He snaked another cigarette out of the pack. He tapped it on the dashboard a couple of times but then he lit it.

“Are you smoking, Edward?”

“Yes I’m smoking,” Ed said. He heard the President grunt again, though he wisely (in Ed’s opinion) chose not to say anything else about it. “Are you coming home?” he said, instead.

“I’m just at the Shaw’s,” Ed said.

“Yes, but after that.”

“Yeah, of course. I’m in Maine, what else am I going to do?”

“I don’t know, look up Stephen King on Grindr?”

Ed snorted. And at that point he realized Bilson was still waiting for him. Which made him basically the biggest dick in the world. He couldn’t even imagine what his mom would say about treating his employees like The Help. It probably made him one of the worst characters on Downton Abbey, but he didn’t care enough to know which one.

He wound his window down. “I’m gonna drive,” he told Bilson.

“Sure thing, sir. Just let me get my…”

“I don’t want anyone else in the car.”

“Sir, someone else has to be in the car with you at all…”

“I don’t want anyone else in the car,” Ed said. “If anyone gives you shit, tell ‘em I said so, but no-one’s getting in the car.”

He didn’t know what he’d have to do if Bilson insisted again. He felt himself squaring his shoulders into a defensive posture and he tried to chill out, but Bilson nodded. “Okay, sir. We’ll follow.”

Ed nodded back. “Respectful distance, okay?” he said. “I’ve already got someone riding my ass.”

He didn’t wait to look at how that went over. He didn’t care. He was, after all, a 90s gay. He didn’t want anyone listening to him blow off steam singing along to Britney Spears. If nothing else, Piece of Me was probably a little on the nose.

#His Gay Materials #Not Gulfport

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cruelangelstheses · 5 years

Text

a valiant effort

fandom: dragon age rating: G characters: anders/m!hawke words: 2.8k additional tags: modern au, fluff, humor, first meetings description: when hawke’s dog frightens anders’s cat into a tree, hawke insists on rescuing her. unfortunately, this feat is not as easy as he thinks it is. a/n: i'd been working on this for a little while and then found out today (well technically yesterday where i am) is international cat day and was like I Must Finish This Today. so here it is lol. this is one of the funniest, stupidest (in a good way) things i've ever written. this was done for the @dapromptexchange summer fill-a-thon, for this prompt (found here): "One of Anders' cats gets stuck up a tree. Hawke goes to get her down and -- promptly gets stuck in the tree."

read it on ao3

—

Hawke’s dog, Angus, is the definition of a gentle giant: he’s friendly and loving, but the fact that he weighs over 150 pounds and stands taller than a dwarf tends to intimidate both people and animals. People, Hawke finds, are usually fairly easy to reassure. Animals...not so much.

When Angus sees another living being, his natural inclination is to bark at it and try to approach it, not because he wants to hurt it, but because he wants to be its friend. Apparently, though, this does not translate well to other animals, and now Hawke is standing in someone’s front yard like a dumbass while he tries to figure out how to explain to the owner that his dog chased their cat into a tree.

As if on cue, while Hawke is staring up at the tree branch where the silver tabby cat is perched, the front door of the little one-story house opens, revealing a lanky man who looks to be close to Hawke’s age, with reddish-blond hair pulled up into a small ponytail. He’s kind of hot, actually, in a messy, sleep-deprived sort of way.

“Madame Fluffykins?” the man calls. “Madame Fluffykins, where did you go?”

Hawke tries his best to suppress a laugh at the ridiculous name, but it doesn’t really work, so he ends up making a sound kind of like he’s about to throw up, but with more snorting. Real attractive. Predictably, Angus barks at the man and pulls at the leash in an attempt to get closer. This was all it took to frighten Madame Fluffykins into the aforementioned tree, but hopefully her owner isn’t as fearful of large dogs as she is.

The man nearly has a heart attack at the sight of Hawke and Angus standing in his front yard, Angus’s tail wagging a mile a minute and smacking Hawke repeatedly in the leg. “What—?”

Hawke laughs sheepishly. Pointing up at the tree, he says, “I take it Madame Fluffykins isn’t a fan of large dogs?”

The man groans exasperatedly and strides across the lawn until he’s standing next to Hawke under the tree. Up close, Hawke can see his stubble, his freckles, his prominent nose bridge, the crinkle of his eyes, and suddenly this situation is significantly less terrible.

“Great,” the man says, breaking Hawke out of his gay trance. “It took two hours to get her down last time.” With a sigh, he pulls out his phone. “Better get ahold of the fire department.”

“Wait!” Hawke blurts. “You don’t need to do that. I can get her down.”

The man raises a skeptical eyebrow, reluctantly slipping his phone back into his pocket. “Really?”

“Of course,” Hawke says eagerly. He’s totally bullshitting, he knows it, but he has to make it up to this guy somehow. The least he can do is fix the problem he caused. “I’m great with animals.” Beside him, Angus barks happily, as if to back him up.

“If you say so,” the man replies, but if Hawke isn’t mistaken, there’s a hint of a smile on his face now.

Hawke sets the leash on the ground. “Stay,” he tells Angus, though he doubts the dog would stray from him, especially when there’s still a cat to befriend. Angus lies down in the grass and gazes up into the branches expectantly. Madame Fluffykins makes a mrrrow sound from her place among the leaves.

Hawke eyeballs the trunk of the large tree. He doesn’t think he’s climbed one since he was a child. Luckily, this tree has a few low-hanging branches to give him a decent start. Besides, he works out fairly regularly anyway and has a considerable amount of upper body strength. This is his chance to impress Anders and get back into his good graces at the same time.

With one hand on one branch and one on another, Hawke hefts himself up onto the tree, scrabbling for a foothold for a few seconds before remembering that this isn’t the same as rock climbing and that there isn’t anything underneath him to put his feet on. Instead, he hastily grabs for the next branch, and then the next one, pulling himself up and up until he can rest his feet on the branches he started with. When he glances over his shoulder, he sees the man staring at him, less with amusement now and more with awe. Awkwardly, Hawke says, “I, uh, I work out.”

The man crosses his arms over his chest. He looks like he’s just barely holding back a smirk. “I can see that.”

While Hawke is contemplating his next move, it occurs to him that he never actually introduced himself. “Oh. Uh. I’m Hawke. By the way.”

“Anders,” the man replies, a twinkle in his eyes.

Hawke forces himself to return his attention to the tree and the cat. He can gawk at Anders later.

Some of the branches are oddly placed, because trees don’t grow according to whether or not a human is going to climb them, but for the most part, climbing gets easier once Hawke gets a bit higher up and the branches get closer together. Surprisingly, Madame Fluffykins stays put, as if she’s realized now that she’s gotten herself into a bit of a conundrum. Hawke tries not to think about anything but the task at hand, and after a short while, he finds himself sweating but finally eye-level with the cat, who eyes him suspiciously.

“Hello, kitty,” he says. “Mind if I get on your branch for a second?”

Predictably, Madame Fluffykins does not respond.

Hawke grabs the base of the branch with both hands and hoists his whole body up, steadying himself enough to be able to sit on it, though it bends ominously under his weight. It’s then that he finally gets the chance to look down.

Hawke fancies himself a man of few fears. Spiders? No big deal. Clowns? Not a problem. The dark? He revels in it. Bears? He is one. The height of the tree barely even crossed his mind when he offered to get Anders’s cat back. Now, though, as he notes how small everything looks from up here, hyperaware of the way the branches creak and sway in the summer breeze, he suddenly finds himself feeling extremely vulnerable.

Shit.

Hawke turns his attention to the cat, mentally shutting down any thoughts about how high up he is and how at any moment the branch could break and he could fall to his untimely death at the age of twenty-four. “Here, kitty, kitty,” he says in a high-pitched voice, making little kissy noises and reaching a hand out while using the other to cling to the branch for dear life. The cat takes a few tentative steps forward, never taking her eyes off of him. Hawke laughs nervously, racking his brain to try to remember what Merrill does to get her cats to come to her, when suddenly he has an epiphany.

“Madame Fluffykins,” he croons, making a pss-pss-pss sound and gesturing for her to come toward him. The cat takes another few steps forward and leans back. For a moment they both just stay like that, frozen in time, eyes locked. Then Madame Fluffykins launches herself into his arms.

Hawke catches her with his free arm and holds her protectively to his chest, then dares to glance back down at the ground. Now he’s the one in a conundrum. He only has one free hand, it’s too far for him to jump without seriously injuring himself, and he’s scared to death of moving from this spot in case he slips and falls—but the longer he stays here, the higher the risk of the branch snapping from his weight.

“Impressive,” Anders calls, hands on his hips. “What now?”

“Um,” Hawke says brilliantly. “You...might end up having to call the fire department anyway.”

Anders snorts and shakes his head. “Now you’re stuck up there, too? Maker’s breath.”

“Hey, I only have one free hand!” Hawke says defensively. “Unless you want me to, I don’t know, toss your cat down for you to catch—”

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Anders replies, though he still sounds vaguely amused. “She’d hate us forever.”

“I didn’t think so,” Hawke says with a chuckle. He can imagine that being thrown from this height would be extremely distressing to most pets, and he’s not one to judge—he’d never do anything to traumatize Angus like that, either.

The branch makes a small cracking noise that causes Hawke to immediately envision himself falling to the ground, his body scraped up by branches before he crashes down on top of Anders and crushes his noodly, gangly figure. That would be bad. “Uh,” he says anxiously, “might wanna get around to calling that fire department. I don’t think this branch is going to hold out for much longer.”

“Oh. Right.” At that, Anders breaks out of whatever trance he was just in that caused him to stare at Hawke so intently for those last few moments. At least, he thinks Anders was staring at him, but he was probably just keeping an eye on Madame Fluffykins. Yeah, that would make more sense.

Anders calls the Kirkwall fire department and sheepishly explains the situation, though he leaves out a few details about how, exactly, the cat got stuck in the tree in the first place. “They said they’ll be over as soon as they can,” he says when he gets off the phone, and then all that’s left to do is wait.

That probably isn’t too much of a problem for Anders, but Hawke isn’t having a whole lot of fun balancing precariously on a branch while Madame Fluffykins squirms in his grasp. In an attempt to distract himself and mask his apprehension, he says, “So. I’ve never seen you around here before.”

“I just moved into the neighborhood a few weeks ago,” Anders replies, sitting down on the ground next to Angus, who is now lying in the shade with his head in his paws.

Despite himself, Hawke snorts. “And you’ve already had to call the fire department to rescue your cat more than once now?”

Anders laughs a little. “Madame Fluffykins is...a bit skittish, especially in new surroundings. I have a cat door installed out back for her to go in and out. Don’t know why she doesn’t just run inside instead of climbing up a tree when something scares her.”

Hawke still can’t hold back a stupid grin at the name. “Speaking of,” he says wryly, “where’d ‘Madame Fluffykins’ come from?”

Anders shrugs and smiles a little. “It’s sort of continuing a tradition. My parents let me name our cats when I was younger. I had one named Mister Wiggums, and then another named Ser Pounce-a-Lot. I thought they were fun names. Still do. They have character.” He turns toward Angus and gives him a scratch behind the ears, though he looks a little wary, like he’s not quite sure what to do around such a large dog. “What about you? What’s his name?”

A gust of wind startles Hawke, and he tries not to think about the loud rustling of the leaves or the way some of the thinner branches swing wildly. “Angus,” he says once it dies down, holding on tightly to Madame Fluffykins—for her safety or for his own comfort, he’s not quite sure.

Anders nods. “A strong name,” he says. With a chuckle, he adds, “It kind of sounds like Anders.”

“Sure, it sounds cool, but the story behind it is a bit less so,” Hawke replies, smiling fondly at the memory. “The day we brought him home as a puppy, we had Angus beef burgers for dinner as a treat. When I grabbed mine and went to take a bite, Angus jumped up and snatched it right out of my hands.” At that, Angus lifts his head up off the ground and tilts it to the side. Hawke laughs and calls down, “Yes, you!”

Another crackling sound breaks him out of his brief moment of...not bliss, exactly, but less fear than usual. He glances over at where the branch is connected to the trunk and notices that it’s starting to splinter. It’s still a fairly large, sturdy branch, but a couple more minutes and it’ll probably fall. Hawke holds onto the trunk even tighter than he has been. “Hey, uh,” he says, trying to sound casual, which fails horribly because his voice shakes, “did the fire department give any sort of estimated time of arrival? The branch is...having a bad time. And so am I.”

Anders raises his eyebrows in alarm. “You can’t...move to another one or something?”

Hawke, having been paralyzed by fear into staying put, had assumed that this possibility would be a no-go. It occurs to him now, though, that he doesn’t have to hold Madame Fluffykins, since the fire department is coming to rescue them both anyway. He could set her on one branch, giving him the use of both his hands, and hop over to another nearby branch, as there are a few sturdy-looking ones in his general vicinity. The funny thing is, though, that part of him doesn’t want to let her go. He can tell himself that it’s just because he’s overly concerned for her safety, but the truth is that he feels...better holding her. The feeling of her warm fur against his chest and the sound of her breathing against his neck is almost calming, making him feel a bit less vulnerable.

Before either of them can say anything, though, Hawke spots a large red truck making its way down the street. “Oh, we’re saved!” he crows, automatically breathing a sigh of relief, though he still won’t be anywhere near comfortable until he’s back on solid ground. “Did you hear that, Madame Fluffykins? We’re saved!”

The firetruck parks on the side of the road. As the ladder slowly elevates to Hawke’s level, he realizes, to his chagrin, that his friend Aveline is the one coming to rescue him. Of course. He’ll never hear the end of this one.

“Hawke,” she says as she climbs up the ladder, looking disappointed but not surprised. “I should’ve known it was you.”

“Aveline!” Hawke says cheerfully, though he can feel his face heating up from embarrassment. “What can I say? I tried to do a good deed. It backfired spectacularly. Story of my life.”

“No kidding,” Aveline says as she reaches toward him and takes Madame Fluffykins in her arms. There’s a faint smile on her face, though.

“Well, it was a valiant effort,” Anders says from his place at the base of the tree. Hawke tries not to blush.

With both arms free, Hawke wastes no time in climbing onto the ladder and following Aveline back down. As relieved as he is, it’s not until he’s finally back on the ground that his heart stops pounding in his ears. Angus leaps up at the sight of Madame Fluffykins and wags his tail as he watches Aveline place her in Anders’s arms. “I’ll be taking my leave,” she says curtly, but her eyes crinkle with affection. Anders thanks her awkwardly, and then, as quickly as she came, she drives off, leaving Hawke and Anders standing across from each other.

“I’m really sorry,” Hawke says after a moment. “Angus just gets excited. He would never actually hurt her.”

Anders smiles a little as he sets the cat down. Predictably, she scurries around the back of the house and presumably inside before Angus can get a good look at her. “It’s fine. Really.”

He doesn’t sound like he’s lying, but Hawke still doesn’t feel right just leaving it like this. Then again, maybe that’s less of him being an honorable person who always pays people back and more of him just being very gay.

“Wait,” he says. “I have to make it up to you somehow.”

Anders shakes his head, looking almost astounded by Hawke’s offer. “It’s no trouble, Hawke, I swear. You don’t have to—”

“But I want to,” Hawke insists, pulling out his phone. “Hey. Are you free tonight?”

Anders blinks, clearly stunned. “Um—yes. Why?”

Hawke flashes him an easy smile. He can be awkward and stumbling, yes, but he can also turn on the charm when it really counts. “Dinner’s on me. Your pick.”

For a moment, Anders just looks dumbfounded. Then his face breaks into a full-on grin, the first one Hawke has seen so far. “I knew you were a bear.”

Hawke nearly chokes on his own laughter. Looks like Anders’s gaydar is working just fine. “Well,” he says with a mischievous smirk, “I did say I was good with animals.”

Anders tries not to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all—and fails miserably.

#dapromptexchange #summer fill-a-thon #hawke #anders #handers #dragon age #dragon age 2 #da2 #male hawke #dragon age ii #my fics #hawke is a dumb soft himbo and we love him

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prettykissesuglylies · 5 years

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Before I begin: warning for discussions of abuse, rape culture, rape and just a whole shit ton of my personal issues, including some internalized biphobia.

So I’ve been having a lot of bad thoughts lately and since I don’t want to put this on any of my mains, I’m gonna spell out some of my emotions here and hope it helps me cope.

So... I have been traumatized by fear mongering. I internalized the hell out of the “anyone at any time may rape you and you would be at fault if you did anything but say no and fight back and even if you did that it would probably still be your fault” culture that surrounded rape and rape discussions when I was growing up. “That shirt/skirt/dress will distract the boys. Who knows what it might make them do. Don’t drink at parties or something bad will happen to you.” Yeah, I noticed that if “something happened” it would be my fault for not taking every precaution I possibly could, and that fucked me up. A lot.

I’ve been dealing with internalized bi-phobia because of the “men are dangerous to you” rhetoric they fed me as a child for years. Literal years.

I have been identifying as a lesbian, knowing full well I was not a lesbian (I’m bi), because I was Afraid of being attracted to Men, because if I’m not attracted to men, then obviously if a man assaulted me, that would be rape. Because I’m not attracted to men.

I experience intermittent sex repulsion, mostly towards men, mostly because of this fear of being raped/assaulted. It’s irrational, but you know what else is irrational? Telling a little girl not to be friends with a boy because he might hurt her. Telling a teen girl that not fighting back means you wanted it, so you better fucking fight back. Having cleavage showing means you’re open for business, and anyone can look and if you let them look you’ll tempt them and make them do evil things to you.

People do bad things. It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing or what your orientation is. “Being careful” doesn’t guarantee you’ll never be raped. Telling people that dressing provocatively invites provocation is correcting the wrong behavior.

But I digress. I have all these fucked up feelings about men and I deal with them in exactly two ways.

1) hypersexualizing myself and whatever man I’m into that day.

2) completely rejecting any and all sexual content/context/behaviors for myself.

These have manifested in 2 ways. This blog that is obviously the hyper sexual part, and several other blogs where I don’t take nsfw requests, don’t write nsfw things and don’t reblogs nsfw content are the rejection part.

I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to shake this dichotomy.

I used to chalk it up to being asexual (which I am) and we can’t control what makes us horny, but it’s more than that.

I don’t get turned on by the idea of someone assaulting me. I think I just said how paranoid the very idea has made me about men. I rejected an entire part of myself for years because of this fear of assault. But I write these fucked up situations where men are taking advantage, so what gives?

Well... I’m writing it. Me. I am. I have complete and total control of the scenario. I don’t like it, I stop it. I rewrite. I delete. This portrayal of romanticizing what in real life would be repulsive behavior isn’t romanticisizing. It’s taking back power over my fear. I acknowledge that in real life some of my kinks would be Not Okay and downright Illegal without properly negotiation. But I don’t want this shit in real life. Even if I did, it would be consensual, and well planned out and safe for me and the other person/people. I have struggled for years with self hatred because “If you’re so afraid of rape why are you writing it?”

Because it’s not rape. That character isn’t a real person, that perpetrator isn’t a real person. I have all the control. I have all the power. I am owning something that scares the shit out of me and making it my tool for self expression.

The entirety of opposite-sex sexual interactions have been ruined for me by the fear of being attacked by the opposite sex. I may be romantically interested in men, but without some serious therapy I will never be able to be in a healthy relationship with a man. And I take responsibility for that. I have decided not to date men. I’m still bi. I still occasionally want that sappy romantic life with some random dude who catches my interest, but that relationship would be unhealthy and not gonna lie, possibly abusive on my end. Because I’m self-aware, but I’m not too proud to admit that I fuck up and am occasionally a slave to my emotional brain and say and do things that repeat patterns of abuse that I have experienced. I would like to believe that I know enough to know better than that now. I’m also an intelligent human being and know that I’ll make mistakes.

I don’t feel safe around men who are romantically attracted to me. I never have. I feel actively in danger around men who are sexually attracted to me. I can’t control that. I can control my fiction. I can control these scenarios where I take that attraction that I perceive as dangerous and I make it work to my benefit. Instead of being afraid in this fiction I write an experience that is enjoyment, pleasure, from one of the things I fear most in the world.

And fuck anyone who tells me I shouldn’t be able to write it because it’s “problematic.”

The anti- movement is really grinding my gears as of late, and I keep trying to brush it off because in my little fandom circles “they’re not talking about my ship” and “I’m not the bad one.”

But they’re talking about this. They’re talking about what I do. If I posted ever on this blog, or tagged anything ever on this blog, some of them might have already come for me.

The stuff that makes it onto my blog is the stuff that I want to let out. I set it and forget it. Let it loose and I’m free. My fantasies of sitting in bed with a woman who loves me while we watch some show/marvel movie/other media together? I keep those. I want to keep those. I want to keep remembering them. Because I want that.

When I write and post the shit that would be fucked up if it happened to me irl, that gets it out and leaves room for the good stuff. The stuff I want. The hand holding and the secret sharing and the love.

This blog is pure sex because it has to be. Because I can’t express my fears in any other way. Having control makes all the difference. I make it so you have to actively be looking for nsfw content to see my writing. And you have to ignore all my warnings at the front. Before you can say that you interacted with content you didn’t want to. So this shit about how I’m “endangering the children?” No I’m not. In fact, I take far more care than I should have to to keep my content out of young impressionable minds. Because I have been that young impressionable mind. I know that parents aren’t keeping track of the things their kids do on the internet. And I blame my parents just as much I blame the parents of any random kid that shows up on my blog. It’s not my job to be safe for kids. I’m not safe for kids. I’m a grown ass woman. I have grown ass woman issues and I would never Ever talk about those issues to a kid. But if I’m talking to another adult and a kid comes in an eavesdrops on me when I’m in a space that I have outlined as being not for kids, it is not my fault when that kid hears what I’m saying. I’ll be sorry they did, but it isn’t my fault. “Think of the children” is the same argument religious purists use to push anti-gay rhetoric and all sorts of other fucked ideologies. Think of the children is not an argument. It’s a false equivalency. It is not my job to police the media other people consume. It sure as hell isn’t yours. If you have kids, then yes, you should steer them away from things like my blog. But I don’t. I will never have kids. The very idea repulses me. So stop asking me to be a parent for someone else’s.

I’ve been going on forever, and I don’t care, because it feels good to let this out. It’s been festering for weeks.

I’m taking a stance: I’m antianti, I’m pro ship, ship and let ship, screw fandom policing.

Fiction is my outlet, and you can pry it from my cold dead hands, but you’ll have to kill me first.

#abuse mention #rape mention #antianti

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pxiao · 5 years

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Yeah I pretty much agree but if I want to say my general feelings. I hate Jud//ai the least of the three and if given the chance would beat him to death along with Yusa//ku. I mean Yu//ma is just a kid so he gets some more leeway from me.

Ok essentially Ju//dai is at the end of the day a selfish prick and he has always been a selfish prick. He’s ok in BBT but that’s because he’s the least focused of the three protagonists. And I’ll be honest I don’t think Ju//dai is gay or straight or any sexuality really because the only person he loves IS HIMSELF. He barely has enough care to think about his friends and even then if it doesn’t align with his desires, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t have it in him to pay attention to others enough to be physically attracted to anyone and I don’t mean that he’s asexual. No that’s insulting to actual asexual people as they still care about people! Ju//dai never grows up despite what GX likes to tell us. Ju//dai is a selfish jerk that doesn’t care enough of his friends to help them if it doesn’t benefit him and he ENDS the show that way. Doesn’t help that he seriously hogs the screentime in his show. His biggest flaws is his hero complex, his self-centered nature and just how lazy he is as a person and I don’t mean schoolwork either. The fourth season he was supposed to be researching Darkness and he SAT ON HIS ASS THE ENTIRE TIME TILL THEY ATTACKED! Au///stin DID ALL THE WORK! Season 3 is all about how he needs to grow up because everything comes to easy to him which is just faux-philosophy at the end of the day. Essentially they’re saying his flaw is HE HAS NO FLAWS! But at the end of the day Judai is just an aggreving character and doesn’t do any real harm. While his fandom worships him, they mostly stay in their own lane. So he’s easy to ignore.

Yu//ma is also a dumbass douche like Ju/dai but like ten times stupider. His main issue is he’s just static so instead of maturing and growing, he just makes the same mistakes over and over. Despite the show saying that he’s nice and kind, he’s got a lot of douchey moments for no other reason than for bad comedy. Like he made Ko//tori get off from the rollercoaster control ride thing to have a serious duel and promises to get her when the duel is over and legit forgets about her. Leaving her stranded in an amusement park and only remembers when he’s eating dinner. After two of his friends, one of which is his BEST FRIEND no less were traumatized by a duel they had which HE SAW, Yu//ma went about the next day not giving a shit and walking around. And for As/tral when he gave up one of the Number cards for a kid that needed luck for an operation, he IGNORED As/tral’s worry that Yu//ma wasn’t going to get it back. Considering each number card is part of As//tral’s MEMORIES, it’s rather cruel to essentially ignore his reasonable fears about losing part of his identity FOREVER. But he is a 13 year old and yeah we can all be jerks and idiots. So I’m not going to be AS hard on Yu//ma as Jud//ai. But Yu//ma’s still an asshole. The issue is he has a legit flaw to him that the show just tries to say is really a strength. His naivete. There is a BIG difference between optimism and naivete and Yu//ma is very much the latter. Yu//ma honestly believes that if you DUEL with someone you’re friends now. Even if a duel is a conversation, I don’t become friends with everyone I talk to. See how dumb that idea is. Yu//ma also believes in everyone EVEN IF THEY HAVE HURT YOU AND INTEND ON HURTING YOU. Like wth Ve//ctor whose first real interaction with Yu//ma was trolling him to break his friendship with As//tral and very nearly killed him and his friends. And since then Ve//ctor has continued to be a sadistic freak that keeps trying to murder him and then he tries to save Ve//ctor and after Ve//ctor revealed it he was planning on letting Yu//ma die to save his own skin, Yu//ma was FINE WITH IT. And then the show KEEPS ON PRAISING HIM FOR HAVING A HEART THAT TRUST OTHERS WITHOUT ANY QUESTION. AND THAT’S FUCKING STUPID. I don’t think we should automatically think everyone in the world is evil and wants to harm you but going the exact opposite is just as dumb. Not everyone is kind and wants what’s best for you and if you aren’t careful, you will be used and be hurt. I hate Yu//ma more because he teaches a HORRIBLE lesson to kids about overly trusting. And it’s not fun watching him as his dueling is stale. He use his monsters just to power up Hope and if that doesn’t work, he cheats a card with Shinin//g draw. And his fans are also annoying thinking he’s better than Yu///ya, which is 10000% wrong but in general they’re not a big issue due to Yu//ma mostly being rather unpopular.

OH YU/SAKU or PM. I LOATHE HIM WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. Like you said, he’s bland and that’s the nicest thing we can say about him. At least Ju/dai and Yu//ma had personalities, PM doesn’t even have that. He’s just PSTD kid with no background or interests. He’s at best character traits of stoic. His “comedy” isn’t funny and more just sudden shut ups. Everyone in the show worships him, that’s a literal fact of the dumbass show. And the worst part of it is, HE DOESN’T DESERVE ANY OF THIS SHIT. He’s honestly not that good of a duelist since he didn’t actually make his deck and even then he rarely wins duels with just the cards in his deck. THE VAST MAJORITY OF HIS DUELS ARE WON BY CHEATING A NEW CARD. His strategy is basic power up my monsters and try to get my LP lower than 1000 to use my skill. His PM design is ugly, everything goes his way and his deck is pure shit. The only decent card is Firewall and that’s banned so he doesn’t even have that anymore. He’s not that smart as he’s gotten into PLENTY of TRAPS because he rushed in head first. He’s not active at all with him being at best reactionary to threats even in season 1 despite him wanting revenge. THE ONLY THING HE DID OF HIS OWN INITIATIVE was storming SOL and even then nothing came out of it as he couldn’t decode the Ignis code. Narrative there is no reason to like him as he RARELY CARES ABOUT OTHERS. When G//o first turned against him, he didn’t care at all and went about his mission. Great way to show he cares about the people he worked with. HELL the next time he sees G//o, he brings up that they used to work together SO WHY DOES HE SUDDENLY CARE???? BUT THE WORST THING HE DOES IS SEND THE WORST MESSAGE TO PEOPLE SUFFERING FROM MENTAL SICKNESS. He says after his trauma, he got counselling but it didn’t work and he gave up on it and allow me to say this. FUCK YOU YOS//HIDA! As someone that had to take treatment due to mental illness that means Yu//saku is a wimp. My therapist told me this, “the treatment only works as well as you try.” I’m not saying all therapists are good but since Yu/saku apparently only tried ONE THERAPIST, he concluded it didn’t work and stopped. HE’S GIVING THE IDEA THAT THERAPY DOESN’T WORK. AND LET ME TELL YOU FUCK THAT SHIT, HE’S TEACHING PEOPLE THAT THERAPY DOESN’T WORK TO A COUNTRY THAT ALREADY DOESN’T LIKE THERAPY, WRITTEN BY A MIDDLE AGED MAN WHO PROBABLY DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT. THIS IS A SHIT LESSON AND PLENTY OF HIS FANS USE YU//SAKU TO NOT GET BETTER AND STAY MISERABLE! HE’S A HORRIBLE CHARACTER AND TEACHES THE WORST LESSON EVER AND HE CAN GO DIE IN A DITCH FOR ALL I CARE.

Also his fans are annoying, they cuddle him and act like he’s great when he’s really nothing but a projector. And if anything his fandom is shrinking just to them realizing how boring he is. I would say about 90% of his fans are Data/storm/shippers and they’re their own bag of stupidity.

#genex damn it #zxl damn it #vr damn it #yoshida damn it

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blitheringmcgonagall · 5 years

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Chapters: 10/? Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin Additional Tags: wolfstar, jily, Marauders Medical AU, jily fic - Freeform, wolfstar fic, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Minor Character Deaths, Angst, Fluff, jily au, Wolfstar AU, Snape is a pervert, fenrir is a psychopath, referenced violent relationship, cursing Ended up posting two chapters cause one was too long!! Hope you enjoy...

James Potter was arrested for possession of drugs with intention to supply. What happens next?

Don’t Know How Much I Can Take

Morning before the arrest…

“I’ve been meaning to ask you for a long time. Why did you ignore me afterwards, the time we kissed at the Med Ball? I was so confused,” said Sirius.

He was lying in bed beside Remus, warm and exhausted and happy.

“oh, that,” said Remus, grimacing and falling back onto his pillow.

Remus sighed and glanced at his boyfriend. Sirius looked dishevelled, if not debauched, yet languidly relaxed. Unbelievably attractive.

“I don’t think even you realise just how gorgeous you are! I was mad about you. I guessed you were flirting with me for months, but I was too frightened after the whole…”

“Car thingy,” supplied Sirius immediately; he didn’t like seeing Remus’ face whenever he mentioned that traumatic episode.

“Yeah, car thingy,” smiled Remus, kissing Sirius’ hand lightly.

“And?” said Sirius eagerly.

“And then I couldn’t take my eyes off you that night, I didn’t think. Just acted,” shrugged Remus.

“You were beautiful, I still remember you in the starlight. Fucking beautiful,” said Sirius reverently.

Remus rolled his eyes. He was dreadful at accepting compliments.

“Avery had been threatening me for a few months at that stage, had somehow found out I was gay. I was anxious after kissing you in case he made good on his threats. When I went back to sit in my car to clear my head. Avery cornered me and told me if I didn’t leave you alone, he’d tell your parents and get you disowned. Or worse,” said Remus. “I wasn’t sure what to do. Then I overheard you talking to Snape and Rosier, denying you were gay. I thought maybe I didn’t mean anything to you.”

He looked at Sirius again.

“Fuck Avery!” said Sirius. “Shit! I feel so bad that you heard what I said to those two bastards! I panicked, I was terrified they’d tell my parents. I was scared of them, my parents, not those two idiots!”

“It’s alright, Sirius, I understand,” said Remus, placing his hand over Sirius’.

“I told them though, that morning, told them the truth,” said Sirius, his eyes filled with anger and hurt. “That was the last time I spoke to them, or saw them. They kicked me out. Disowned me.”

“They did what?” said Remus, horrified.

“I’m glad I told them, Remus,” said Sirius, holding on to his boyfriend’s hand. “It was eating me up inside. It was all a lie. I couldn’t have stayed there any longer. They are horrible people, Remus. Racists and bigots and homophobic and…”

He tried not to think about Reg, about what must have happened to him. But sometimes he couldn’t help himself.

“I didn’t know,” said Remus, his voice wavered. “I did it to protect you. All that time… I didn’t know. And then you disappeared, stopped attending college. I didn’t know the full story.”

“We can’t change the past,” said Sirius, sinking back onto the bed. “You’re here now. You make me so happy.”

“I know,” Remus’ lips twitched upwards.

“Is it too early to tell you I’m in love with you?” asked Sirius, staring up into Remus’ eyes.

“Probably,” said Remus smiling.

Sirius saw the look of amusement and joy on his boyfriend’s face, sheer joy, and marvelled at the change in him. He knew that was also due to therapy, over the last few months. Still…

“A short run of mad, passionate lovemaking with Dr. Sirius Black and you’re a new man!” he said playfully, running his index finger over Remus’ lower lip.

“It probably is too early, but I’ll say it anyway – I’m madly in love with you, Sirius,” said Remus, running his hands through Sirius’ straight, silky hair.

Sirius blinked twice.

“Managed to shut you up, for once, have I?” Remus said, with a gleam in his eyes.

Sirius’ grey eyes continued looking at him with confusion.

“Come here!” said Sirius, recovering from shock and pulling Remus down on top of him to kiss him hungrily.

“I love you, Remus Lupin!” Sirius whispered urgently, covering his boyfriend’s face, neck and chest with kisses.

“We’re supposed to be getting ready for work,” groaned Remus, doing nothing to stop Sirius’ ministrations.

“You can’t say things like that and expect to get away scot-free!” said Sirius, winking at Remus seductively. “Remember – mad, passionate love-making? You and me? In love?”

“I remember, we’ve literally just done that this morning,” muttered Remus, finding Sirius’ lips again.

“So? Nothing stopping us doing it again, is there?” said Sirius.

“Yes, I have to… oh screw that!” said Remus, losing control.

“I’m irresistible, say it!” said Sirius, arching into him.

“You’re irresponsible,” said Remus.

“Same difference,” said Sirius breathlessly.

……………………………

“Come on, Lily, stop being a lazy git and get out of bed!” Lily muttered to herself crossly.

She sat on the edge of her bed and groaned, as another wave of nausea hit her.

“Ugh!” she said, lying back down again immediately. “What is wrong with me!”

She was beginning to think that maybe her self-diagnosis of Winter Vomiting Bug was wrong. It should have cleared up by now. She thought last night she was better. Now she wasn’t sure if she could get up and drive into work without vomiting.

Leaning back into her pillow, looking at the sunlight streaming into the tiny cottage, she smiled absentmindedly, thinking about James, and their conversation in her house the previous night.

“I’ve been offered a job in the States, it’s a research post, in Boston,” she had said, biting her lip.

“I know,” said James smiling at her proudly. “I’m not surprised, you’re incredible! You deserve it.”

“Yeah, but…” she hesitated.

“Are you worried how it might affect us?” he asked, stroking her hair softly.

“Yeah,” she said, turning her head to look him in the eye. “I don’t want to ruin this… us…”

“I’ll wait for you,” he said soothingly. “I’m not letting you get away from me that easily, not after waiting so long! If that’s what you want?”

“Of course it’s what I want!” said Lily, staring into his warm, hazel eyes. “I’m wondering if I should go or not?”

“Don’t be daft,” he admonished, kissing the top of her head. “You’ve worked so hard for this. You shouldn’t sacrifice your career because of me! I could try to sit the USMLE exams and see if I could take a year or two off the scheme and move over with you.”

She sat up and turned towards him.

“James, that’s too much, trying to sit those awful American exams! You’re meant to be sitting the Membership exams as well. You just won’t have time for all that!” she said, brushing her fingertips over his chest.

“You forget that I’m frighteningly intelligent!” he grinned at her.

“I don’t forget!” she rolled her eyes fondly. “I’ll never forget Tom Suffolk reading out our exam results in Fourth Year and stopping with utter disbelief when you came second. Despite doing practically nothing all year!”

“I may have exaggerated the extent of my slacking!” he laughed good humouredly. “Trying to make myself look cool in front of a certain red-head I was desperately trying to impress!”

“What an eejit!” she said, leaning over and planting kisses on his chest and shoulders.

He winked at her.

“I’m very serious! I’m going to sit those damned exams and see what happens. If I pass them, excellent. If not, I’ll just have to save up and come over to annoy you as often as I can,” he said in a low voice.

In the back of his mind he was trying to reconcile his monthly earnings and the cost of travelling to the U.S.

“Hell yes!” she said, her large green eyes filled with longing. “I won’t be able to stand it if I can’t see you regularly. I don’t think I could stick it out. And I can’t have some beautiful Irish woman steal you away from me!”

She moved up and pressed her lips to his.

“This is the only Irish woman for me,” he said, kissing her back. “The only woman.”

“James Potter, stop saying things like that!” she said, feeling her heart rate pick up. “You’re driving me wild.”

“Make me stop,” he challenged.

She stared at the man underneath her.

“You’re unreal!” she laughed breathlessly.

“That’s how it’s always been with us, very competitive,” he said, raising his eyebrows.

He was perfect. In every way.

“Just watch me,” she said.

Sunday, Forty-eight hours after the arrest of Dr. James Potter…

“Dr. Potter, I think its only fair to point out that it’s not looking good, you know.”

James looked at the grey-haired woman in front of him and snorted.

“Really? I thought I was in with a reasonable chance,” he said dryly.

“Well, stwictly speaking, no,” the tight-lipped solicitor replied cautiously, her pronunciation difficulties accentuated by her anxiety. “I’m afwaid that the evidence against you is wather overwhelming-“

“I’m joking, Pince,” said James, giving a short humourless laugh. “I know what it looks like.”

Irma Pince cleared her throat and looked up over her reading glasses.

“I should pwobably point out that it would be pwudent to consider entewing a guilty plea. You’ll still get the mandatowy sentence but if you offer to coopewate with the Gardai, pwovide information on the cwiminal gang involved and-“

“Pince, there’s zero chance of me entering a guilty plea so you can scrap that idea immediately, alright?” said James, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

Keep reading:

Chapter 9: Don't Know How Much I Can Take

#marauders au #medical au #jily #wolfstar #drama #fluff #angst

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juniper-and-lamplight · 7 years

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