#feelings can be scary

[darkeraurora]

Admissions - Chapter 4

A little filler and fluff before time to start unpacking all the trauma.

Minors DNI

Dark eyes cracked open at the sensation of a light tug on his shirt.

Looking down, Ghost’s gaze landed on the small figure curled around him, head tucked into the crook of his shoulder and a leg wrapped around one of his. Soundly sleeping as though she was in the safest place in the world.

The most precious sight he had ever seen.

Price had been right, fucking dammit. Ghost hated it when that happened. On the battlefield it wasn’t so bad – good even, sometimes – but when it came to his personal life the Brit didn’t like it at all and planned to mentally complain about it for the next several months.

But there truly wasn’t any better feeling than having the woman you love in your arms. Barely a month ago he had been imagining holding Sereza against his chest like this and now, by some stroke of luck, here she was. In his bed, sleeping against him with her hand gently clinging to the fabric of his shirt. Simon honestly felt wholly at peace for the first time in his life.

The one person he’d ever had feelings for was now his.

But now what?

What came next?

What was she expecting from him? Did she want tender lovey-dovey things or sappy romantic words? Ghost wasn’t sure he could manage those. The guys were always buying gifts for their girls, should he? Did she want that? What the hell did she even like? And where the hell did he even go to buy flowers in the first place? That was something you gave girls, wasn't it? He wasn’t a romantic man at all and had no idea how to be. Maybe he could pick up some tips by listening to the rest of the guys since they wouldn’t shut up about the time they spent with their girlfriends and –

HOLY FUCK.

Simon’s eyes flew wide open, darting around the room as fast as his thoughts came through his head. Did he have a girlfriend now? They hadn’t exactly covered that last night, was that what Sereza saw herself as? Did she even want to be his girlfriend? Or did he have to officially ask her first? As his girlfriend, was she going to want… more intimate things? Would she want to touch him? Or him to touch her? Touch her how? Was she expecting sex from him? Not that he wasn’t interested or didn’t want to… Certainly wasn’t that. He very much wanted to actually… but–

Ghost took a deep breath.

He needed to calm down. They had just admitted their feelings to each other last night for fuck’s sake; he was getting very far ahead of himself. His lust didn’t seem to fucking care though.

Another deep breath, exhaling slowly.

His sleeping beauty shifted; her leg brushing lightly against his morning erection, making his cock throb and his sac tighten. Ghost tensed, pushing his head back against the pillow at the pleasurable pressure. Fortunately she quickly stilled again. Good. That gave him a moment to get control of himself.

With his free arm he carefully swept a curl from her forehead and tucked it behind her ear before his fingers went to her shoulder and grazed down the length of her arm to envelop her hand within his palm. Leaning his head forward ever so slightly to press his lips to the top of her head, letting his kiss linger a moment and closing his eyes in contentment. Never in his life would he have imagined she - or anyone for that matter - would have accepted to be his. To be with someone like him. Yet here she was and he planned to cherish whatever time he could have with her. 

How do you do this, my little one? Simon wondered to himself. 

Ghost closed his eyes as he rested his head on top of hers again and drifted back off to sleep.

XXXXX

Soft fingers brushing along the side of his uncovered face woke Simon again sometime later. Bright amber eyes staring back at him took his breath away.

“You kept it off,” Sereza observed. 

“Yeah,” Ghost murmured, voice rougher than usual with sleep, eyes roaming over the face of his love.

“Hi,” she sighed with an ethereal smile, as though properly meeting him for the first time - which he supposed she was, in a sense.

“Hi,” Simon chuckled, leaning up to kiss her.

Sereza met him and took his lips gladly. Simon grasped the back of her head to deepen it, causing her to let out a sensual moan. Ghost rolled them over without really thinking about what he was doing, consumed by just the feel of her. Only when he found himself with his arms between her back and the mattress did he realize the position they were in. Practically the same as his fantasy on the roof where he had her naked underneath him.

He froze.

“Simon? You good?” Sereza called to him, blessedly oblivious to his inner thoughts. Or at least he hoped she was. 

“Uh, yeah,” he fibbed... sort of... and gave her another kiss to reassure her, “I’m fine. More than fine.” 

Sereza watched an array of thoughts and emotions cross his face before they settled into contentment. Her hands glided over scar-torn biceps and up into his sleeves to his shoulders. “Your arms are amazing.” Her chin tilted upward, demanding another kiss from him, which he was only too happy to provide. “I love you Simon.”

Ghost grinned at her sweet words. He appreciated the compliment, even if it made him feel a little –

What in the fuck- was he feeling bashful?!

He mentally frowned at himself and shoved that feeling away in a hurry.

“You’re amazing and I love you even more.”

Sereza’s eyes widened at the challenge. “Excuse me Lieutenant! I will have you know that I love you more!”

He defiantly shook his head and rolled his eyes, playfully putting on his best haughty British expression. “Don’t think so.”

“I love you more. Times infinity. I win.” She gave him the tiniest, quickest peck on the tip of his nose before flashing a self-satisfied victorious smile.

Simon narrowed his eyes at her declaration. “It seems I'll need to change tactics.” Dipping his head down, he rained small kisses all over her cheeks, jawline, and neck, seemingly bent on kissing her into submission and sending her into fits of giggles.

This was so childish but neither of them cared much. For Simon it felt good to enjoy such an innocently silly moment like this. It wasn't like he'd been able to have these juvenile back-and-forth moments when he was growing up. It felt a little like she was giving the neglected child in him a little treasure he'd been missing. 

Having kissed Sereza within an inch of her life, Ghost lifted his head from her and looked down at her sparkling eyes, unaware of the smile spreading over his face. 

Sereza cradled his cheek in her palm. "You look happy," she whispered.

Ghost turned and kissed the inside of her wrist. I am for once. Very happy. All because of you.

They both stayed in their own little world until the ruckus of others out in the corridor told them it was breakfast time.

Neither of them wanted to leave or see this moment they were having together end, but their bodies demanded food. Sereza was sure Simon’s stomach was demanding quite a bit louder than hers was since he hadn’t left his room in two days – something she planned to fix today.

“I have an idea,” she started, making Ghost slightly raise a curious eyebrow.

Ohhh me too, Love. He thought to himself before mentally shaking his head at the intrusive thought. He really needed to get control of his lust. He blinked a few times as he returned his attention to the woman under him.

“Let’s eat in here, yeah? I can go get our plates and you can get a quick shower before I get back. How does that sound?”

“Alright,” he quickly agreed, moving so Sereza could get up. He did feel pretty rank after not taking care of himself the past few days and was sure she would prefer that he didn’t stink.

XXXXX

Down in the mess hall the rest of the 141 meandered lazily into the room. Soap looked around for a moment before he huffed in disappointment when there was no sign of a towering skull balaclava anywhere. However a certain young lady caught his eye who, he just happened to notice, was leaving the hall with two trays balanced in her hands.

“Good morning, Sergeant,” she greeted sweetly, sliding past him as he held the door open for her.

“Morning' Lass! My that’s quite a helpin’ ye' have there!” One breakfast tray loaded with substantially more food than the other. Far more than a little thing like her would be able to eat in one meal. Truthfully he doubted that she could even eat all of that in an entire day. How very interesting, he thought to himself.

Sereza just smiled happily back at him without any sort of an explanation. Soap watched her walk off toward the elevators. Very, very interesting.

Just then Price walked through the doors, the older man looking around just as Soap had. "Still no?" he asked of his sergeant.

"No sir, but I got something better for ya'."

XXXXX

Later that afternoon Sereza had succeeded in prying Ghost from his man cave. A word that earned her quite an exaggerated groan before he grunted at her to speak English. They walked together along the roof in the fading afternoon sun. Not a cloud in the sky and the arctic winds were relatively calm today. A perfect day to drag the brooding Brit out for some sunshine.

“Ghost? There’s something I want to ask you.”

“If it has any more of your weird words then I’m not answering,” he groused.

Sereza giggled at his moodiness. “Don’t worry, I’ll speak English.”

“Good.”

“…For right now.” She shot a sinister smile in his direction.

The skull moaned miserably. Sereza dropped all of her silliness and adopted a serious tone. “When did you realize you loved me?”

Bloody hell. Simon sighed and turned his masked face away. 

“I’m just curious. Please tell me? I’ll tell you next if you want.”

He supposed that was fair, and he was actually curious himself about what in the world he did that made Sereza fall in love with him, of all people. Personally he had no idea. 

“This is going to sound stupid,” he warned, “The day we arrived here, and you and your brother were mad because some wanker sent us to the Arctic without the proper gear-”

“I’m still mad about that by the way.”

“I’m sure you are, but while I watched you show us around base and get us sorted, lecture us on how to dress properly for the weather here… I couldn’t stop looking at you. I could barely pay attention because I was already in love with you. Though I admit I didn’t know it at the time. It took bloody Price getting on my arse one night in the gym for me to realize it. So, yeah, that’s it. Sorry it isn’t more romantic.”

“I don’t see any reason to apologize, I think it’s sweet. Very sweet. And I think you’re also very sweet.” She bumped his arm with her shoulder.

“Quit that. I’m not sweet,” Ghost shyly muttered as he gently bumped her shoulder back.

“You are tooooo.”

“You’re taking the piss.”

“Speak English,” she grumbled in an unnaturally deep tone Ghost supposed was meant to be an impression of him.

Simon forced a change of subject. “Right then. Your turn, Little one.”

“Well – I didn’t realize that I was in love with you right away either. It took me a little time to figure it out too. You were in my head all of the time and I caught myself looking for you everywhere I went. Whether I needed you for something or not, I just found myself wanting to be where you were, and I wasn’t happy otherwise. And then one day it just dawned on me and... it was like I’d always known that I loved you. So yeah, it wasn’t anything you did exactly, but... from the very first day...it was just… just you. You being you.”

Ghost looked around and behind them. Seeing they were alone, he pulled off his mask before yanking Sereza to him and capturing her lips in an ardent kiss.

For all of his life growing up he’d been told how much of a burden he was and how disappointed his father was in him, oftentimes for just simply existing. Then he was betrayed and taken prisoner, which left him with much deeper scars than just the physical ones that marred him. He’d shut himself off from the unrelenting stares and the whispers and the world’s cruel nature long ago.

Sereza was somehow able to see him underneath all of the layers he wore in order to protect himself. For whatever reason she saw him and found him worthy of being loved and accepted just as he was.

It was the single most astounding and loving thing he’d ever known in his life.

Her fingers combed through his sandy hair and down the nape of his neck, sending pleasant tingles down his back, and pressed her body flush against his. Ghost broke their kiss before the feeling of her could wake up the more primal parts of his mind. Also, if things between them were going to go further, they needed to have a talk first.

Sereza hummed as their kiss came to an end. “Mmm, I love kissing you. I used to wonder what it would be like.”

He smiled down at her before kissing her forehead and sliding his mask back into place. “I want to ask you something,” he cleared his throat nervously.

“Yeah?”

“What would you consider us to be? I know it hasn’t been very long... uh, at all... since we found out we love each other, but I was just wondering… what are we to you?” he asked her with a hint of nervousness. “I want us to be on the same page before we continue this. What am I to you?”

“As in, what would I call us?” Ghost nodded back to her. Sereza grinned at the barely perceptible anticipation in those midnight eyes of his. “I think that… we’re two halves of a whole - a team, here to take care of each other. What do you see us as?”

Two halves of a whole, he repeated in his mind. Each of them incomplete without the other. It was perfect.

He combed his fingers through her waves, “Exactly the same.” Sereza smiled at his response and leaned onto him, just before she could roll up his mask to kiss him–

“Hahh-HAAA!!! That’s my boy!!!” an unmistakable voice bellowed from off to the side somewhere.

Fucking HELL.

Price and Soap casually strolled over wearing the dopiest grins Ghost had ever seen on another person’s face with Gaz trailing behind them.

Price laughing and applauding his lieutenant unnecessarily loudly. Once close enough he gave Ghost a stinging slap on his shoulder. “About bloody time, son!!”

Simon winced at the sheer volume of Price’s voice.

Sereza was looking amused though and trying to hide her giggle with her gloved hand. As long as you’re happy, Love.

The Captain walked past Ghost and enthusiastically embraced Sereza. “Congratulations to both of you!" He plopped her back down on her feet. Why was this man so excited? Ghost silently prayed Price didn't come looking for a hug from him next.

Johnny had to give his two cents, "He's had it bad for ya’ for a long time Lass. Proper lovesick, he's been. If he gives ye’ trouble let us know, aye? We’ll straighten ‘im out.”

The Brit shot an apologetic glance at Sereza. He was flushing furiously underneath his mask at their words and was milliseconds away from punching one or both of them, consequences be damned. Gaz at least just stood there and kept quiet, so Ghost felt that he could probably let Gaz off.

Luckily for them, Sereza intervened before Simon actually hit anyone. “Ghost isn’t trouble at all. I find him to be perfectly enjoyable.”

Dammit he was blushing again. Ghost just knew he was the shade of a lobster with the way he could feel his ears burning. Simon kept his face angled enough so the others wouldn’t see it creeping up under his eyes – he hoped. He’d never live it down if they did.

“Seriously?!” Soap exclaimed.

“Seriously. Zero trouble," she confirmed.

“LT what the hell?! Why ye’ holding back on your lady? She deserves to know what a right prick ya' can be too!” The sergeant practically whined in that absurdly high pitch he could reach. “I swear Lass, this bloke is the grumpiest wanker there e’er was. You’ll see,” Soap warned. “Glad he’s bloody mindin’ his manners for his lady though. So far.”

The skull growled menacingly, making clear that he'd had quite enough of their teasing.

“Oookay, and with that,” Price took hold of Soap’s shoulders and passed him to Gaz who began steering him back in the direction they came from. “We’ll be off then. You two kids have fun! And Ghost? Be nice,” he warned as if he were leaving his toddler children alone on a playdate.

“Send us a wedding invite!” Gaz called.

What the fuck?!! Simon mentally penciled Gaz in near the top of his list.

“Congrats again Sereza!” Soap hollered back at them as Gaz continued to steer him away. “I'm sure you’ll be the best girlfriend there is!”

Price followed after them as he shouted, “Carry on you two!” with a thumbs-up and a not-at-all-subtle wink.

Alone again. Fucking finally, shit.

Ghost rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, sorry about them.” 

Sereza wove her fingers between his gloved ones. “It's alright, I don't mind your friends. They just care about you and are happy for you.”

“Hmph," he rumbled irritably, "… ‘wedding invite' was a bit much though,” Simon mumbled, making her laugh a little at his discomfiture.

Soap’s last annoying comment came to mind. “Are you my girlfriend?” He quickly blurted out before thinking. “I-I mean… would you consider yourself my girlfriend? ...Can I call you that... my girlfriend?” Bloody hell he was bad at this. It was like being a damn teenager all over again. 

Sereza nodded sweetly as she pulled his skull mask back off and kissed him.

However Simon abruptly broke away from her almost immediately as his nagging fears in the back of his mind finally got the best of him. “Sereza I… I don’t know how to do this. I have no fucking idea how to do any of this.” He gripped her hands tightly in his, silently pleading with her to understand that he was trying to tell her that he'd never had a serious girlfriend before without him having to admit it out loud. 

Everything about this dynamic was new to him. If she would yell at him or insult him then he’d actually know how to handle that. Having a relationship – a safe, healthy one – was an entirely foreign concept to him though. All he knew was violence, drunken screaming, and fear. Ghost was terrified that he would carry those over into this relationship with his little one and end up hurting her.

Sereza ran her small hand up his sternum and over his collarbone. Simon had to bite back a groan at the feeling of it. “Well, I’ve never been a girlfriend before,” she confessed as she looked up into his dark eyes. Ghost was legitimately shocked at that. "We can figure this out together. Learn from each other, yeah?”

His hands cupped her face and he crashed his lips to hers eagerly. Beyond delighted to feel her return his kiss just as fiercely.

Feeling a little braver knowing that this was all as new to her as well, Ghost ran his tongue across her bottom lip, seeking her consent to enter her mouth. Sereza clung to him tighter and opened her mouth to him.

An elated growl vibrated through his chest at her acceptance. His tongue plunged past her lush lips and began to eagerly explore. Instantly hopelessly addicted to her unbelievably sweet taste and the small moans he pulled from her. The feeling of her against him, her fingers digging into the back of his jacket, and the breathy exhale she released all sent a flare of heat straight to his groin.

The front of his pants began to tighten.

There was no way he could resist her for much longer.

XXXXX

In the wee hours that night the door to Ghost's room silently cracked open.

Price peeked in cautiously. His eyes softened at the sight of Sereza and Simon wrapped snuggly around one another in their sleep with Simon’s face bare. His lieutenant sleeping soundly and peacefully. 

Well done Simon. I'm proud of you son.

Each of the 141 boys was like a son to the captain, and now he found himself feeling a little like he’d gained a daughter as well. Smiling proudly, he shut the door just as quietly.

#call of duty #cod mw2 #cod mwii #mw2 #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x original character #simon riley #Simon “Ghost” Riley #Call of duty smut #slow burn simon riley #this will get spicy #the world needs to be nicer to ghost #feelings can be scary #starts off slow but gets spicy #Ghost gets the girl #way too much trauma for one person #someone hug this man #ghost mw2 #ghost cod #ghost simon riley #cod mw ghost #ghost #simon riley imagine #ghost imagine #cod imagine #masterlist #fluff #smut #imagine #simon ghost riley x oc

[waking-hell]

What do you think of love?

Well... Okay good question, I'm gonna take my time here

In my humble opinion, love is missing them while I go downstairs to get the pizza.

Love is to feel safe in a dark room.

Love is my heart skipping a beat every time I dance with them.

It's not moving during a punk rock show because holding them feels like heaven. It's sending and receiving silly memes during a work meeting.

It's those Netflix series that suck and only them watch with me. It's cuddling on a Sunday morning with no time to leave the bed.

Love is also the sound of the doorbell ringing, making me quickly get up and run straight to the door, only to get myself together seconds before opening it with a surprised look in my face of "whoa what a surprise, I wasn't even here waiting like crazy to kiss you".

Love is them knowing I like my coffee black, without sugar, a drop of milk and two stirs from the spoon.

Love is wearing that ugly sweater they gave me every weekend. The one only me find beautiful. Seriously, only me.

Love is what makes their tuneless singing in the shower be the reason of my smile.

Love is eating meat on the first date even if I'm vegetarian. Love is using a lasagna recipe 4 times on Saturday so I can cook it right for them on Sunday.

Is cancelling plans just to spend time with them and to think everytime the phone rings, it's them.

Love is waking up early on Saturday.

I mean no, hold on

Love is waking up early on Saturday to drive to their cousin's ballet performance.

I mean wait, not yet, almost there

Love is waking up early on Saturday to drive to their cousin's ballet performance in another town.

Love is a one way ticket to Italy. It's stop singing "I fell in love with the wrong person" because that's not true anymore.

Love is giving them flowers on a rainy Monday just because, or receiving an ice cream delivery on a cold Wednesday, why not?

Love is losing my breath every time I see her and still keep breathing, I don't know how. It's singing "Friday, I'm In Love" by The Cure every day of the week.

Love is holding hands in the park at 3 AM after a midnight drive because there's nothing better than night walks in the park if they're by my side.

Love is getting into a party of 500 people and only have eyes for one. It's not knowing if I should take their clothes off fast or slow. It's not knowing where do I start kissing them. It's to fuck all night and to make love all morning. It's diving deeper in the galaxies of their eyes, it's losing myself in their laughter and never want to come back.

Love is baby, sweetheart, princess, darling, baby girl, sweetie, my girl.

Love is cuddling, giving hickeys to each other. Love is fucking awesome, because all of that can be love. All those things and infinite other situations, moments, days, minutes and seconds that makes our hearts beats faster. You can find love everywhere. And I hope you do, whoever you are, and find a thousand other answers to this question, because if you really think about it, you cannot have only one answer.

I think that's the reason I just loved this question and decided to write all this, to answer this way. I think that's why I love love so much, despite everything.

Love is the point of it all.

#don't give up on it my friend #feelings can be scary #but honestly what's the point of it all if we don't allow ourselves to feel? #despite all i've been through #i still believe in happiness #i still believe in love #whoever you are i hope you do too #love #personal #kinda writing #writing #ask

[emkini]

Toph + Zuko friendship is something that can be so personal

[ID: a digital line drawing of toph leaning on zuko’s head as he sits on the ground, cross-legged. “toph,” sokka says, offscreen, “you can’t just use zuko as an armrest.”

“what?” toph asks, irritated. “do you see him complaining? get off my dick!”

to which katara exclaims, also offscreen, “toph!”

zuko doesn’t seem bothered. an arrow points to him with the text, “just happy to be included”. /end ID]

ID by @maileesque 

#atla #avatar the last airbender #toph #zuko #sketch #atla fanart #toph swears like a sailor and you canNOT convince me otherwise #zuko CAN swear like a sailor if so desired #considering he was in fact a sailor #however I feel like he's the type to be Scary In A Bad Way when he swears and he's trying to Not Do That #em draws

[inkskinned]

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now #writeblr #you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like #u don't HATE their partner explicitly #but ur like. what the fuck y'all #like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic #and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like #frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....'' #and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her. #all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it #or ... that it really IS good #and it's just odd to you #tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship #like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend #it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time #around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like #.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond. #so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think #but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something #but knowing you CANNOT #idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person #edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up #PS EDIT: btw i should have said: #the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every #type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''

[napping-sapphic]

I just want to fall in love with someone who makes me feel safe like even when we’re angry or sad or upset i just want to know that both of us are still going to be okay

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #today was….not good #and at one point i had a moment #where i was just unbearably SAD and LONELY because i didn’t have anyone to call or talk to about it #but im still really hopeful it will happen some day #because all i want in this world is to feel secure #and for others to feel secure around me #and for everyone to feel secure around people they love #because it’s so painful and scary when you don’t #but one day im going to be warm and happy in someone’s arms and will barely remember this at all #im manifesting it #im completely okay btw things just got a little rough #and in the incredibly stressful and dramatic times i was experiencing my brain STILL had to be gay #im gay and i like sleeping #also yeah i said i wouldnt post after midnight again like two days ago but whatever #im sad and want to yearn on the internet we can make an exception tonight

[cinna-bunnie]

was drunk at my friend's place yesterday and her bf was given some throwing knives, played around for a bit and i still got it 🧐 that was my last push to get back into knife throwing, haven't been into it since i was 17/18 lol. i ordered these ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა

edit: if ur here from my top posts you can see me throw them here!

#throwing knives is so fun... #i do the no spin technique and he was tryna see if i was as accurate by having me move back and he was like ur scary 💀 #“you're so accurate and u don't have to calculate the distance for the spin to make it stick‚ u can just go straight for it frm anywhere” #i sure can buddy. I'm gonna get even better at it thanks 👍🏾 #briefly considered a foot long throwing spike but feel like i cannot be given that kind of destructive power #i am going to obliterate something that is an outdoors toy 💀 #i can make it stick most of the time but we drew little targets and pictures on a board and i could hit the smaller ones w mixed results #i wanna hit bullseye 🎯 #my favorite flexes from last night were the times where Id throw the second knife in the same spot as the first n knock the old one down 😈

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage... #...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them... #...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent... #...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us... #...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long... #...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL #the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate #be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough #recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage' #i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself #and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was #i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want #don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please #and just... give yourself space

[starheirxero]

All gods have to start their fall from grace somewhere…

A few close-ups under the cut :3

#xero creations #HI…… LOOK AT MY LORD ECLIPSE DRAWING BOY AHAUSHWJS #THIS WAS A HUGE ‘SEAT OF MY PANTS’ TYPE DRAWING #i dabbled in some perspectives I don’t usually do + techniques I don’t usually do + I used procreate to make a full drawing #which i usually use csp so this was a WHOLEEE new deal!! i’m very proud of it tho :3 #now to compliment this drawing i need to make a distinctly scary version with the centipede form LMAO #sun and moon show #the sun and moon show #tsams #lord eclipse #lord eclipse au #sams lord eclipse #lord eclipse sams #sams eclipse #sams moon #eclipse sams #moon sams #fnaf eclipse #eclipse fnaf #< i feel like anyone who is an eclipse-kisser can enjoy this tbh so i’ve decided 2 add those tags lol #centiclipse #< he isn't centipede-y here but it /is/ him

[beescake]

Sorry for the spam (^o^;) I just really like your blog

no need to apologize ayy!

in this corner we welcome all forms of enjoyment, regardless of whether you're a

happy to have yall here w me,

headin into homestuck 2024 :^)

#was debating if sollux truly was lurker type but then i rmbr'd him quietly reading all of karkat's memos for a good laugh HAHAHAHAAH #ask #aleemie #homestuck #karkat vantas #sollux captor #solkat #2024 #vioart #but o. regarding the etiquette learned frm other socmed #spamming here is safe+good! it does not harm the op by shadowbanning like instagram #and its not 💀 like twitter where ur likes/following are permanently set to public #ur tumblr experience is within ur control it can be as free/empty/curated as u want!! #((tho ofc i do encourage rbing for ppl who've been hoping to start that habit!! #s'cool to slowly work ur way up from the extra special posts that hv lingered longest in ur heart and quietly build ur cache trove :-) #for example back when i was struggling to rt on a new twt acc i just started setting nonsense criteria for myself LOL #like “breaking this void is scary holy fuck ok i shall start by rting posts w brownish/reddish clrs bcs its inspo vibes for my art” #and gradually after a while of deliberate sharing i gained more confidence to share a larger variety of posts that make me feel things!!!! #no more training wheels i may be scared but i love loving more!!!! #same goes for engaging w fics too it takes energy to think of how to comment and thats ok‚ do ur best to explore what works for u!!!! #take screenshots of ur fave paragraphs & start annotating in gallery/notes app if that helps!!!! #also tumblr's customizable queue means u can stack posts and bolt hgehehe. my preferred form of existing on the net))

[pigdemonart]

Woke up to this tag!!! @tragictrainmen THANK YOUUU!!! 😭😭😭 THATs so sweet and it makes me feel really motivated!! HUGS YOU!!!

#screenshotted for ease behehe #i do worry abour boring everyone with my silly ocs #but i do want to like publish my comics and get the ball rolling on that so i had to shift focus 🥺🩷 and its always a little scary #im glad its been a positive for me #🩷🩷🩷 #piggy talks #obviously im still gonna draw my fanart when i can and make merch every blue moon of course 💕🩷💕 #just feels good to not put that pressure on myself to perform

[thisismisogynoir]

I love it when women hate men. I love it when women are allowed to vent to each other about how horrible and creepy men are. I love it when women form friendships with and prioritize each other over relationships with men(whether they're attracted to them or not). I love it when women put men dni in their bios and on their nude photos and on posts on their blogs. I love it when women refuse to mollycoddle and accommodate entitled male feelings with "but this doesn't mean I hate all men, I know a few men who are great, I love my father/sons/brothers/uncles/male cousins/guy friends" I love it when women complain about men WITHOUT "not all men" being a disclaimer. I love it when women avoid socializing with/refuse to be around/befriend/get close to men because they know men can't be trusted. I love it when women make "kill all men" jokes. I love it when women offer absolutely no concern or care for men's feelings and if their misandry offends men whatsoever because why should we, men are the oppressor class who have raped and killed and abused us and kept us as subjugated as second-class citizens for millennia, they regularly mistreat us and the women in their own marginalized communities still every single day and make this world so much harder and more awful for us to be in, and if we choose to hate them and not spare them any sympathy then so be it, and I don't just mean "men as a class" either, you can be a woman who doesn't want to have anything to do with any man on an individual basis and completely cuts off men from her personal life too and ykw I will love and fucking support you in that because men deserve absolutely NOTHING from us. If they're so tough and strong then they can handle it just like they can handle being lonely. If you are a woman who hates men, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A LESBIAN AND/OR A TRANS WOMAN, then just know that I love you. I love you, I support you, and you are safe here.

#was going to make a post about how much i hate that women aren't allowed to hate their oppressors but i decided to spin it into something #positive instead #this is supposed to be the feminist site that makes reddit mgtow piss their baby diapers so let's go back to despising men and not coddling #their feelings and let's dye our hair blue while we're at it #i am so tired of this new wave of guilt-tripping and gaslighting women who hate men and don't trust or want to be around them #i hate how we're made into villainesses or the problematic ones for not valuing them in our lives or for wanting to guard ourselves or be #safe from our oppressors #and i'm tired of people who don't know the first thing about feminism being like 'BUT THAT'S TERF RHETORIC WHAT ABOUT X MINORITY MEN' #guess what women can also be x minority that you're trying to protect the men of and we get to hate men too #trans women are included when i say women btw and trans men are included when i say men #if anyone has the right to hate men more than anybody else it's trans women esp trans lesbians because they put up with so much shit #from men that even cis women do not and they especially know how vile men are behind closed doors #so #terfs fuck off #radfems fuck off #and if anybody tries to make this post more appeasing to men or 'not all men's this post you are getting blocked and hit with a hammer #feminism #misogyny #sexism #patriarchy #tw men #tw rape #tw abuse #misandry #terfs dni #radfems dni #feminists need to go back to being scary and unpalatable for men none of this 'but some of them are good!' bullshit #men are entitled to nothing from us #and if you try to prove me wrong then you are just proving my point if you have nothing good to say then simply keep scrolling #ok? ok.

[the-blathermouth]

#welcome home #wally darling #memes i made #like everything i find creepy about him is also why I think he's adorable #from his weird way of speeking to his eyes #but he can still be scary if its done right #like my brain is just full of thoughts of him losing his mind from seeing and feeling eyes on him all the time that no one else can see #my sister on the other hand is completely immune to his horror aspects #not even his creepy gaze gives her the creeps

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]

Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.

And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.

Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rise leo #the prison dimension is horrifying on its own #add in a monstrous being that towers over you and has vowed to ensure your suffering? #god I can’t imagine how scary that is #Mikey opening the portal was a miracle because if he hadn’t managed it there #it’s really up in the air what could have become of Leo #personally I subscribe by the theory that you straight up can’t die in the prison dimension #so it’s a prison in all ways #but the thought of a Leo who manages anyway who adapts and continues to have hope despite it all… #Leo saying he’s nothing without his family is a double edged sword really #because the thought of his family alone is all he needs to live. to hope. #to smile #nothing without them…but they’re EVERYTHING to him #and maybe he doesn’t realize it but…the feeling is mutual #one thing too is that hope that comforts Leo so much is not just that #should he think his family needs help - that hope can turn into determination #I’m unwell about this family #actually on my point of their powers - I truly do think the abilities tie in not only to their personalities #but to their relationship to family and love in general #kinda like love languages in a way #Mikey with his chains and time abilities values being around his family the most - he wants them to experience living in the moment togethe #Donnie is someone who is 100% a gift giver to show his love - his constructs are exactly that aren’t they? gifts of his mind #Raph is someone who willingly bears the weight of the shield - he protects his family like the best big brother possible #and Leo - he goes off on his own a lot but his mind is constantly on his family anyway #like a sailor at sea no matter how far he travels the compass always point in one direction - and for him that compass points home #even if he can’t make it back - it’s still there #and that’s enough

[clownsuu]

Small detour of what I usually post, but I absolutely wish (other) clown the best of luck during these confusing and almost hopeless times- nobody knows how to deal with such amount of attention in such short amount of time- a blessing and a curse to behold

#Seeing their posts absolutely shattered me #I may never be able to relate to how he’s going through rn but at least I can relate to the fear of living in absolute fear #the fear of unable to be yourself in your own home with creative and personal freedom #The fear of being terrified that the thing that gives you the most innocent happiness will be heavily demonized and threatened #The fear of getting caught doing something you love and being yourself with your found identity #The fear of destruction #I relate heavily to this and to feel you are going to be caught doing anything that isn’t a crime hurts #I wish him safety and love during these stressful days #He’s brought so much joy to my life that I must keep private irl too #Whatever he decides for the fandom I will fully support it #I will still continue posting of course unless he wishes otherwise #If he sees this (which I doubt) hey other clown lmao- you are loved and not alone #It may be scary but you are not alone- you will never be alone #There will always be people out there who love you and there will always be those who are not even worth giving time of day #The internet is both a blessing and a cruel cruel unforgiving place #I hope it doesn’t deter you from doing what you love and hold dear #I hope you have anyone you can be with online or in irl that can give you the comfort you need #You deserve peace and security #Do what you feel is best #Welcome home

[rochenn]

Half of the mystique surrounding the Jedi has to come from them simply being calisthenics freaks. What's scarier than a wizard with a laser sword? A wizard with a laser sword who struts their scrawny ass over to the bars and performs multiple one-armed muscle-ups consecutively in perfect form. You do planks. They do planches. You are not the same.

Terrifying

#i was thinking about obi-wan free climbing out of that mortis lava pit and arrived at this lmao #i feel like anyone who does a planche to handstand press and can ALSO do a mile of free climbing could crush my skull with one hand #SCARY

[5hrignold]

this is all i got

#Tiny side ramble in the tags its what i do best #in the interview they mention charlie feeling way more like developed in s2 and I. if that’s really true iM SOOO happy and somehow #even more excited for it bc of that Because ive mentioned this before obviously ive always liked charlie #but like. im unable to really get into him the way i can do with pim. like there’s nearly Nothing about him that tells me anything about hi #character which AGAIN IVE SAID. IK THATS THE POINT and ur not even like. these aren’t even like designed to be blorbo type characters so- #-who cares BUT LIKE. I STILL WANT TO LIKE HIM AS MUCH AS I LIKE PIM YA KNOW #well not As much. he could never compare to pim in my personal mind #but yknow what imean. so im happy that probably means we’re getting more of him kinda in s2 #Aauauuaau so excited #Also i still hate drawing him #never wont #smiling friends #pim pimling #charlie dompler #Dumb name … stupid guy… #💝 #charpim is soo scary to actually tag like woah guys who said anything about all that.. hey now #odieart