#fuck your ableism

[crazycatsiren]

The whole point of the #cripple punk movement is not being a sweet and good little cripple, by the fucking way.

#ableists go die #fuck your ableism #disabled #cripple punk #disabled community #physically disabled

[kid-cat64]

update

Assholes successfully harassed me off of Twitter over their use of the r-slur. They even falsely accused me of bigotry and pædophilia.

I am in desperate need of support.

#fuck your ableism #twitter drama #ableist bullshit #false accusations #screw twitter #hate myself #actually autistic #twitter refugee

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

#spilled ink #warm up #can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically #i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason #it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism. #and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out #we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you. #this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism #where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off. #your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell #at the industry - you are probably not listening . #anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit #but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance #> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally #> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field #> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :) #(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice #i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what. #cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men. #so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT. #instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them. #which btw. is like. actual feminism.)

[wild-neko]

disabled people: we are still dying, can you please just wear a mask to the grocery store and doctor’s offices so we can live

conservatives: no, die or stay inside all day, no one cares

leftists: no 🏳️‍🌈✨💖

#wear a mask #covid #sars cov 2 #disability rights #eugenics #disability pride month #lgbt #it really is like this :') #queer #pandemic #ableism #disabled queer #auspol #me not ever being able to share the same air with anyone ever really does something to your mental health #trying not to die in the ongoing pandemic #wear a fucking mask #we would actually like to access third spaces too #we just lost 100 years of disease prevention bc govt propaganda worked a little too well and gave every single medical person brain rot #they went from 'do no harm' to 'actually i think you should quit complaining and allow me to kill you with airborn aids' #which is happening EVERYWHERE BTW and it made it to the media that an aust hospital COVERED IT UP like this is what we're dealing with #this is what modern day eugenics looks like and no one gives a shit #Ableism #HAPPY NEW YEAR #pride #LGBTQIA #activism #acab

[auressea]

(insta)

#disability rights #disability representation #fuck your ableism #this is a good list! #infographics

[ionlytalktodogs]

Controversial take but it’s actually not the job of random disabled people to educate your kids on disabilities. If your child stares, asks a rude question, or gets in the way of a disabled person, the responsibility falls on you to deal with that. It’s not the child’s fault for being curious or uneducated (that is quite literally the JOB of children) but it’s also not the job of a literal stranger to parent your kid for you.

#'but teaching kids about disabilities leads them to be adults who are less ableist' yes I agree. #but a random disabled person just trying to live their life is not required to teach kids about disabled people #as the parent it is YOUR job to educate your child about disabled people. #I'm just trying to get a fucking bagel Sharon. #disabled #disability #physical disability #ableism #my ramblings

[eye-of-yelough]

giggling, twirling my hair, kicking my feet, etc

#thought about anders dragonage incident. many dead many injured #fuck jennifer heplar forever and ever for the blatant ableism that went into writing anders and the general hatred she has for him. but also #thank you jennifer heplar. for this paragraph. the sexiest words that have ever been written. #your daily dose of idiocy #dragon age 2 #anders my beloved

[bisexualseraphim]

The fact that neurotypical and able-bodied people can’t comprehend that disabled people usually don’t like consistently being told “BEING DISABLED IS BAD!!! THE WAY YOU ARE IS FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG!!! YOU NEED TO BE CURED!!!” even in a ‘nice’ or ‘woke’ way shows how little they actually value our agency or even our worth as humans.

No, Stacy, I don’t want people fiddling with eugenics because they’re uncomfortable with me existing, I want you to. You know. Treat me like a person. Have help be there when I need it without treating me like I’m an invalid. Why is that apparently so much more difficult for you than telling me my existence is wrong and spending millions fiddling in a lab for unwanted “cures?” Whatever happened to listening to others and accepting them for who they are? Or do you only see disabled people as the poor, helpless invalids you can “help” cross the street without asking so you can get another Scouts badge?

#I don’t trust disabled ‘allies’ at this point #Other disabled people can do this too btw. #I’ve seen it a lot from deaf people who get the implant and proceed to treat the deaf community so shockingly #Like ‘I’m not deaf anymore! I’m better than you guys! And you’ll be better than the others if you get the implant too!’ fuck off dude #You’ve made your decision let other people live with theirs #There’s a line between acknowledging disability comes with struggles #And acting like disability is a tragedy that must be fixed #And most people cross that line unfortunately #ableism #sanism #eugenics #disabled #disability #disability rights #chronic pain #chronic illness #chronically ill #neurodivergence #neurodiverse #neurodiversity #neurodivergent

[cupiidzbow]

making a self ship posts that accidentally that blow on twitter makes my stomach hurt like head in hands . no twitter user you’re not “delulu” for having a crush. can you please stop talking forever

#ableism #like someone’s was lmaoo delulu is the solulu 😝☝🏽 #what if I drove a car in your direction at full speed #people who call themselves delusional for having a crush when me and my schizoaffective psychosis comes at them #like be so fucking fr for a second #txt #SORRY COMPLAINING SO EARLY IN THE MORNING the tweet blew up when I was asleep I feel like I got flashbanged

[crazycatsiren]

Disabled people are people.

We are human beings. We are not just disabilities occupying bodies.

We are entitled to privacy and agency as much as anybody else.

We are not lab rats to be observed. We are not specimens to be studied. We do not exist for your curiosity, your amusement, your analysis.

Go fuck yourself.

#ableism #ableist bullshit #ableists go die #disabled #spoonie #cripple punk #chronic illness warrior #babe with a mobility aid #disabled community #disabled rights #disability awareness #disabled pride #fuck your ableism

[imjussaiyan]

“Just exercise through the pain.”

Is one of the most ableist fucking things I hear. Bitch, YOU work out through the chronic never fucking ending pain. Then get back to me and tell me how much it’s going to fucking help. Because it won’t. I’ve spent years trying.

Get off my disabled ass.

#disabled #disability #disabilities #fibromyalgia #chronic pain #fuck yourself and your ableism

[mannerfeind-moving]

can we stop using a legitimate fucking brain condition to mean stupid. “smoothbrain” is an actual fucking disorder, called lissencephaly.

the life expectancy for this disorder is extremely short, many people with it never reach ten years old, and the oldest only made it to thirty.

an intellectual disability does not equal stupid, and someone’s worth should not be determined by how “smart” they are to you or society. disabled people are not a joke.

#despost #about ableism #ableism tw #i’d encourage people to revlog this because it’s a legitimate fucking issue on this site #so many of you see people with intellectual disabilities as lower than you and it shows #no youre not a leftist. youre a piece of fucking shit

[ursie]

Ok just saw a tweet that said Ashton deserves their chronic pain (among other ableist ones) for upsetting Fearne and being “selfish” so new rule if you’re not PHYSICALLY DISABLED you no longer get to talk about Ashton unless you personally pay every cripple you know five dollars-if you don’t know any cripples? Never speak again. I’m not joking I’m taking him away from y’all until you learn to behave.

#banging pots and pans Ashton is disabled first think five seconds before you post and if your internal biases are influencing your words #also if you’re not a cripple shut the fuck up about Ashton I mean it unless you can be normal and! you don’t get to decide if you’re normal #if other disabled people are like hey that’s not cool? listen to them! #ashton greymoore #critical role #cr #callowmoore #cr3 #tw ableism #I babble #I’m tagging Callowmore because it’s the shippers/fearne stans being ableist #this isn’t ship or character discourse I like the ship I like fearne #just at the fandom

[inkskinned]

it takes a really long time to unlearn but there's no such thing as "cheating" or "half-assing" being a person. if you need to leave the cabinet doors open, leave them open. microwave your tea. sit down in the shower. buy the eggmaker. use your phone to calculate tip.

it's mostly fake posterity rules. who cares if you microwave your dinners. who cares if you use instant coffee. who cares if you stop watching the show that got boring. we all have a different set of skills and a different life and taking care of yourself is fucking hard.

at the end of your life there will be no final scoreboard. nobody is going to judge you because you brushed your teeth in the shower. there will be no final count of the number of times you had the same meal five nights in a row. there will be no fanfare or party because you won at being a person - and no one will be disappointed that you never understood the point of using paper towels to dry your hands off after washing them.

yeah, in this world, people will put up a fuss. i've noticed some of the biggest fusses are over what you'll put in/on your body. the fact that i will regularly eat deli meat straight out of the bag makes a lot of people genuinely concerned for me. but here's the thing: sometimes that's the only way i'm getting any protein. my doctor says i am doing fine. i'm sticking to my weird snacks and calling it deconstructed charcuterie.

they'll say they're horrified because you take a shortcut. that's fine. it's just that it looks like a shortcut to them because they're on a different life path. these kinds of things stand out to them as important. that's fine too. but for you? you've got other things that already make you pretty hard working. and these tiny things - well, they're just clutter on your journey.

#before any motherfucker is like <3 #''i know more about this and it IS WRONG to do this THING'' #shhhhh #unless ur a doctor and a patient has specifically asked... shut the FUCK up dude #one of the ways my life has changed in the last few years is like #taking coffee for granted #isn't something i can do #can you stand up for the entirety of making a meal? i can't always #and having some pompousass person be like #MICROWAVE THE WATER? FOR TEA? like . yeah actually i've been in prison for it ever since #''it tastes different!!!'' cool. it's not going into yOUR body. #i personally don't ever make hot chocolate with water. only ever oat/soy milk #but i wouldn't be like ... SIR. I WILL NOW JUDGE THEE #it's just like ableism all the way down innit #ableism and classism and #the expectation of the mental load as a form of being ''good'' #also. besides the like. pots and [redacted medical information] #im doing GREAT actually #>:) i have visible abs even when not flexing #it's bc god prefers me as a lesbian n has rewarded me lately for presenting more openly

[crippled-peeper]

“actually it’s perfectly ok for people to make slime toys out of the water you need to drink. why? because I might need it 20 years from now, obviously. stop being a piece of shit to people who want you to literally go without drinking water, you ugly disgusting meanie cripple!!!! you’re hurting Future Me by being mean to these people shrieking ableist horseshit at you!!!!!! help!!!! help!!!! help!!!!”

#I fucking hate cunts like this just say you hate disabled people who aren’t your special wecial ass and shut the fuck up #block list #blocklist #ableism #undescribed #HEDSers do not say shit to me unless you’re about to agree that drinking water is more important than your FUCKING SLIME TOYS