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carrymelikeimcute · 6 months

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I'm in my feels again so lets talk about Izzy Hands and violence.

I read a novel ages ago, where an older guy takes a young orphan boy under his wing and teaches him a trade - it's medieval times and said boy becomes a young adult and wants a sword, but his pseudo-father/boss/friend tells him he can't have one, because if he has one, he'll draw it and if he draws it, he could be killed. The safest thing is, paradoxically, to carry no weapons. To learn control of one's temper and control over your surroundings.

The scenes of Izzy and Stede in ep.7 at Jackie's reminded me of that novel.

Obviously Izzy has weapons, tends to put his hand on his sword during arguments and we do see him fighting and killing people. HOWEVER, I think it's really interesting that, given how often we talk about Izzy being repressed (emotionally/sexually/gender-ly) and how controlled he attempts to be, we don't often talk about his controlled approach to violence.

A lot of fic characterises him as someone who is hot tempered and violent, but looking at s1 with fresh eyes, between him and Ed, he's definitely not just the cooler head when it comes to instigating violence, but the one who takes less interest in violence for its own sake as a performance - e.g. Ed's very creative instructions with the tiny fork, the toe thing etc vs Izzy just stabbing Stede. It's a means to an end.

Don't think I'm not saying he has a fucking temper and a half, because he obviously does, but that seems to mostly be vented non-violently through yelling - not yelling at strangers either, but at people he knows and can (usually) judge where the line is.

Until he puts a toe over that line and...oops.

On first meeting Stede, Izzy cuts up his shirt without actually hurting him. It's a threat, but he hasn't drawn blood, hasn't started anything violent...yet. It's almost a display intended to dissuade actual fighting, by showing your potential opponent that they're probably going to lose.

I think one of the reasons Izzy's so annoyed about their losses in the battle with the Spanish is that it's not their fight. They didn't get anything from it - it was pointless (to him, not to Ed obvs). He wants to avoid facing the Spanish again in the following episode, because they stand to lose more than they will gain.

Even when he's actively calling for Ed to kill Stede, he isn't fussy about how. (And he uses manipulation to keep his hands clean - something he does again when selling Ed out to the navy.) Stede needs to be gone, and this is the easiest way to do that. And when he does finally lose it he doesn't just attack Stede without warning - it's within the controlled setting of a duel, which, when Stede starts improvising, breaks down Izzy's control and leads to him becoming emotional, making a mistake and getting his sword broken.

In s2 the pointlessness of the raids is obviously getting to him, disrupting a wedding for no real gain. Losing Ivan for nothing. I don't think the violence is what bothers him, he's a very active participant, but the fact that it's not for anything - it's not enough of a reward in and of itself. (It's like not really caring one way or the other about being a barista, it's just what you do and it's fine, but then suddenly you're not being paid and also your boss keeps burning you with the steam wand on purpose and you just sort of wish you could just get on with your job and make rent like before.)

S1 Izzy seems to lack the whimsy and imagination that Ed/Stede bring to piracy and to violence, but that doesn't make him stupid. They're playing some kind of made-up game that only they know the rules for, and he's trying to play chess with everyone, even when the rules are only a burden to him.

When we see him training, he's being a dramatic candlelit bitch, but he's also measuring his movements, focusing intently and not just hacking away at everything. Even the candles are interesting to me in this context - we see him playing with candles several times in S1/2 and while yes, there is a certain amount of 'Izzy likes pain' in there to unpick, it's also kind of a metaphor for control - fire is one of the most dangerous things to have on a 'wooden vessel' but a candle is like a tiny pet fire that you control - so long as you're careful and respectful. It's all about risk management, respecting dangerous forces and being aware.

When Stede kills Ned, Izzy looks impressed, even seems to smile for a second, but then he looks more subdued and tells Ed that the first kill is a head-fuck. It's like he's proud of Stede being ABLE to kill, but regretful that Stede CHOSE to kill in a situation where it wasn't necessary at all.

I don't think for a moment that Izzy regrets killing most of the people he kills as part of pirate life, but I think he would regret killing someone he didn't have to. Most people wouldn't want to carry that around with them.

We see in ep7. that Izzy is well respected at Jackie's. He tells bigger guys than him to fuck off and just takes people's chairs. He gets called 'Mr. Hands' instead of by his first name. There's a lot of respect there and I think some of it comes from his reputation with Ed, but also, from people knowing that he's not insane - he can be treated respectfully and everything will be fine for all involved. He's not some menace that's going to stab you as likely as pat you on the back.

For all that people are afraid of Blackbeard (and maybe slightly in awe of Stede as of the Ned thing) for their unpredictable natures and occasional violent outbursts, people are still attacking them or pandering to them, actual respect is something else entirely.

Later, Izzy doesn't pull a weapon and tries to discourage Stede from doing so, even tries to get him to leave to prevent a fight from starting. In the fight, he smashes a stool over someone and doesn't just start killing people - it's an appropriate level of violence for the situation, not an escalation.

It feels like Izzy is very much in that place of controlling himself, being aware and knowing when and how to use force practically, proportionally and effectively. This might be age related, but it's also a big part of his personality. I think that's also why he looks impressed by what Zheng does to Steak Knife (rip) because it's so precise, bloodless and quick. She's basically the best captain for him - she's efficient and controlled.

It's easy to confuse 'is willing to kill' with 'is eager to kill'. I don't think Izzy necessarily loathes that part of his job, he seems ambivalent, but it is still a job to him. It's what pirates do, much as the crew of the Revenge do still kill people, it's just part of their life and not some kind of performance or fun activity. It's work, and it's hard and it's unpleasant and if something can be done an easier way - a smarter way - then that's probably the best way.

#ofmd #ofmd spoilers #izzy hands #israel hands #ofmd meta #izzy hands is a character and a half #character discussion #long post

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stedebonnit · 8 months

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Ok i rewatched the trailer and I'm also looking at something Vico said at that convention about how the hardest episode for them to film (or most intense, something like that) was episode 2.

So, here's my poorly formed theory.

Episode 1 is lovelorn Stede and the establishment of Ed the wedding crasher Teach.

Episode 2, Stede is really good at tracking Ed down. Izzy has taken notice and is desperately trying to get Ed away from Stede because Izzy gets off to prefers kraken Ed

Usually, Ed is more astute and would notice the people trailing him, but whenever he isn't crashing weddings he's doing arts and crafts with wedding toppers so he's reeeally taking a backseat to captaining.

This is also why they sail head first into a storm, because Ed, who can usually predict the weather with near perfect accuracy, isn't bothering, and Izzy, as established, is a shit sailor and doesn't know the meaning of the clouds.

So, they're in a storm, a scene that I imagine was quite physically and emotionally intense to film (hence Vico saying it was intense, maybe there's even a moment of Jim thinking they won't see Olu again).

Ed is tuned out, but not as much as Izzy might think. He knew the storm was coming, at least within the last day, and he's already sick and tired of being the kraken.

So, he has a plan. They're sailing near the shore, and even in a storm, Ed is a strong swimmer. Or maybe he doesn't care much whether he makes it safely to land or not.

Either way, he's gotten everyone tied up against the ship and sailing her through the storm, he's not needed anymore, and if he were to mysteriously disappear during the storm, well, they'd all think he was dead. Whether he actually is isnt the point anymore.

The point is he doesn't have to be Blackbeard. He can be set free. He can live or die as Ed, and that's all he can ask for.

They hit a wave and Ed jumps ship, and washes up on the shore like we see in the trailer.

Izzy, for all his stupidity, doesn't believe that Blackbeard could fall off a ship in a storm. He underestimates Ed at every turn, but this time he doesn't believe it, not when believing it means he's lost his new favourite toy.

So, he let's Stede catch up with him. He decides it's time to make nice. Stede's tracked them down no matter how hard Izzy tried to drop him. They have the entire english navy after them and fucking Bonnet is the only one who made any headway in finding them.

Why?

Well, the truth is that its because Stede knows Ed, and Izzy isn't as good at losing people as he thinks, but that's for another day.

So, Izzy recruits Stede, he insists Ed isnt dead, but he's left, and Izzy needs him back. He asks if Stede has any leads on where Ed could be, and promises that he'll put up with Stede Bonnet's bizzare way of doing things if it means he can get Ed back.

Now, of course, Izzy doesn't actually plan to let this happen. The second that they find Ed he'll discreetly kill Stede and pretend like they never met. He'll do what he does best and take credit for things he hasn't done. But again, thats for another time.

The point is, Izzy asks Stede where Ed could possibly be going, and Stede has one answer.

China.

And, of course, the moment Ed does wash up on that shore very much not dead, his thoughts go to exactly the same place. He realizes that, though his heart is broken, he would still rather be free and be Ed alone than spend another day as the kraken, and if Stede wouldn't come with him to China then he can damn well do it alone.

This brings us to what we see so much of in the trailer, the unlikely duo of Stede and Izzy both equally pretending not to despise one another as they sail under a common goal. Stede, who still doesnt like Izzy but is happy to work with him if it means he can forget Izzy exists the second he's back with Ed. And Izzy, who does in fact fully intend to murder and discreetly dispose of Stede the second Ed is in his sight.

Shennanigans ensue, and that brings us to episode 3 or 4.

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd theories #ofmd s2 theory #ofmd speculation #d speaks #mine #fully ready to be wrong but this hit me like a truck and was too fully formed not to post

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something-about-sunflowers · 1 year

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Ooooooohhhhhhh now I’m thinking of an Izzy with an Ella Enchanted style curse on him hhhhhhhhhh

Read-more cause this got away from me lmfao

He keeps it fairly under wraps for most of his life, sets out to sea at twelve, gets picked up by a press gang at seventeen. He manages, its expected, for a sailor to follow orders on a navy ship, after all (of course ‘no’ isn't an option available to him anyway).

They get boarded by pirates when he's about twenty one and he’s taken on as part of their crew, the captain is after crew more than loot, tells him he should join (saying ‘no’ would have just had him killed, and he's doing his very best to live).

Some time after, he's nearing twenty five, they’re raided by another ship, the Ranger. Benjamin Hornigold likes a ruthless sailor (a ruthless pirate) and Israel Hands has never allowed himself to be anything but. He decides he wants to keep this one. He offers, Izzy accepts. Ben tells him to kill his former captain (wouldn’t have said ‘no’ even if he could have, the man was a bastard).

He earns a reputation of being kind of a kiss-ass, he doesn’t really mind, it keeps most people from asking questions. But Ben’s got his pet projects Edward Teach and John ‘Jack’ Rackham and they’re both too sharp for their own good (though, Jack is better at playing dumb). They notice its not just Captain’s orders he follows to the letter, but everyone’s. They test him, subtly at first, but eventually they show their hand. Tell him that they know there’s more to Izzy’s obedience than he lets on.

He’s terrified for how they might use this against him (the usual ways, which most men abused without even knowing about his curse, easier, safer to let them think he wanted it) but they tell him they don’t want to take his agency from him like that. They offer to help him. He’s not sure whether to trust it (he knows, by rights, he shouldn’t) but he can’t say ‘no’ to ‘trust us, let us help’ (whether Edward is aware of the command, Izzy will never know, decades later Edward doesn’t even remember what he said to convince him).

So they stick by him, as best they can, if someone gives an order he doesn’t want to follow they’ll tell him, quietly as they can, not to. It works, for the most part. Though eventually, Ben notices Izzy’s not quite as obedient anymore (though he still never says ‘no’ to his captain’s orders). He doesn’t like that. He notices Izzy’s been spending more time around Teach and Rackham, decides they’re bad influences (he intends them to captain other ships in his fleet, they’re allowed to push back on orders, Izzy will never have a command of his own, he is not). He separates them. Puts Teach and Rackham on the Marianne with the flimsy excuse of ‘getting practice in’. (he sees them off with Izzy at his side, a claiming hand on his shoulder, Ed and Jack aren't sure how they manage it, but they don't try to kill him right then and there) They now only ever see each other when they all make port. Its a trying few months (for Ed and Jack, for Izzy. . .).

They meet at port one last time (apart, at least). Edward has a plan. They’re going to mutiny. They’ve been stirring the pot on the Marianne (whispers had already started before they got there, not too many of the crew were happy to miss out on loot just because Ol’ Ben had an apparent soft spot for the Crown). He presses his knife into Izzy's hands. Tells him, back on the ship, when everyone else is asleep, he’s to slip into the captain’s cabin and kill Ben, in his sleep, so he can’t order him to stop (Izzy is never sure if he would have said ‘no’ to that unintentional order, had he been able).

The mutiny goes off without a hitch (Ben wakes when the knife plunges into his throat, but he can’t give orders around the steel and the blood that choke him). Edward makes Izzy his first mate, gives Jack the Marianne. He and Izzy go on to create a legend.

Things are good, for a long while they're good. Edward is an inventive and charismatic captain, the crew love him and the loot he leads them to, and Izzy's position (and Edward's possessive protectiveness over him) means that anyone who dares order Israel Hands around, that doesn't have the title of 'his captain', meets a quick end.

Unfortunately, for Izzy, 'good' never tends to last. He'd hoped (and damn him for daring to hope) that he was free, as free as he could be, from his curse, sailing under Edward (Blackbeard), and he was. For a while. Its about a decade later when Edward starts to get bored. He never orders Izzy to do anything degrading or dangerous (more dangerous than he can handle at least) but it still hurts somewhere deep in his chest the first time Edward gives a casual order and doesn't look to see if Izzy wants to follow it.

They come across Jack every now and again. It always takes him a bit to readjust to Izzy, to remember he needs to phrase things as suggestions rather than orders, he always manages eventually. (that little pain in his chest digs a little deeper when he notices Edward avoids giving him orders when Jack is around, though he can't say why) Their crossing paths wind up fewer and farther between as the years go on. One notable visit involved Jack asking Edward to marry him and Anne Bonny ('why not just have your first mate do it?' 'Annie is my first mate, man, 'sides, I want my two best buds to be there for it!'). Izzy isn't sure what to make of Edward's renewed willingness to run into Jack afterwards (only knows that the pain in his chest grows all the sharper for it, and at seeing Jack, happy with Anne, he feels a bit monstrous about that). It doesn't matter much in the end, things go back to normal once Mary/Mark (depending on the day) Read enters the picture and (mostly) steals Annie away from Jack.

And suddenly Izzy finds himself at fifty five, on a beach, wondering ‘what kind of fucking idiot runs his ship aground‘. Edward is intrigued, Izzy can't tell him 'no'.

He hates the Revenge with every fiber of his being. None of the crew listen to him, Edward doesn't back him up (and neither do Fang or Ivan, following their captain's lead). The first time one of the crew gets it into their head to give him a mocking order he nearly passes out with the force it takes him to not jump to the task immediately. He retreats to his cabin later and vomits at the feeling of violation he hasn't felt in decades (he tells himself he hasn't felt it, Edward is his captain, above all else is loyalty to his captain, his own feelings don't matter).

He hates stupid fucking Stede Bonnet most of all. Hates him for putting a light back in Edward's eyes that hasn't been there for a long while. Hates his pompous attitude, his flippant disregard for the institution of piracy, how little he seems to actually care for the safety and well-being of his own men (leave alone the danger he poses to Edward). Most of all he hates that he calls him 'Iggy'.

So when he challenges him to a duel, and he accepts, its only for Edward's sake that he sets the terms at 'banishment' and not 'death'. When he loses he finds he rather wished it had been to the death. (he doesn't understand, Edward wanted this, he hadn't even told him to stop, hadn't ordered him to stop)

He retreats to Spanish Jackie'z to lick his wounds and to work out a plan to pull Edward out of the steady march towards his own demise that he faces aboard the Revenge. Jackie, Izzy is fairly certain, knows about his curse to some extent (he suspects she doesn't abuse the knowledge for the sake of having a bargaining chip, should she need it), she talks him out of any corners the navy bloke with a grudge against Stede Bonnet inadvertently walks him into. She also runs him into Jack Rackham (and Izzy realizes, at the sight of the silver starting to peek its way through his dirty blond, that its been nearly ten years since they've last seen each other, that pain in his chest not any duller for it) and the last piece of the plan falls into place. Jack tries to talk him out of it, says its not a good idea, even offers him a position on his own ship (not that its his ship to offer anymore, since Annie took over captaincy and made Mary/Mark her first mate, but they've both always had a soft spot for Izzy on account of Jack's soft spot for Izzy, they'd be more than willing), not once does he order though and Izzy can't let Edward keep doing this to himself. Jack will understand when he sees him, Izzy says. Jack goes.

(Izzy hears, when the navy gunners crow triumphantly about hitting the dinghy, the one that Jack and Edward were in, the one that Edward jumped out of, he tells himself not to let it show when that pain in his chest comes back twenty-fold at the thought)

Edward claims the Act of Grace. He and Stede Bonnet leave to lick the king’s boots. Izzy doesn't make it a single day as captain. Edward comes back just before he goes overboard with the anchor to follow. He comes back wrong. Izzy can't take it. Edward can't take it.

The Kraken wakes and Izzy is introduced to the concept of a living hell. (even the captive crew stop trying to give him orders, at the haunted look in his eye, when they see how the Kraken orders him around, when he discovers Spriggs alive, if a lot worse for the wear, he doesn't even need the order to keep it under wraps, he doesn't want to know what the Kraken would order him to do if the boy is found out, he shudders at the thought)

When stupid fucking Stede Bonnet (and his marooned crew) finds his way back to the Revenge Izzy allows himself a single moment to feel relieved. Until, at least, the Kraken orders him to kill the man. He can't. He fights. The crew are all shouting at him not to, it eases the strain. The Kraken levels his pistol at his head, the crew goes silent.

'Israel, I order you to kill Stede Bonnet'.

His sword is in his hand. Stede's gotten better with his own sword, is managing to hold his own against Izzy (in truth, its mostly due to Izzy straining to not follow the order, but there is a marked improvement). The Kraken growls 'Kill him Izzy, fucking- kill him!' Izzy loses his sword to the mast again (he's grateful this time), his knife is in his hand a second later. He's got less reach than Stede does but Stede is trying not to hurt him. Why is he trying not to hurt him?

'Bonnet. Bonnet, you have to stop me. I can't. I can't kill you. I can't let him do that to himself. You have to. Run me through. Right here-' he taps his chest with his free hand, the one that isn't swinging the knife around, the left side, right over his heart '-only way to stop this. He might even listen to you afterwards.'

'Izzy. Izzy no.' In his shock, Stede lowers his sword. Izzy swears as he knocks it out of his hand. Presses close, crowds him against the doors to the captain's cabin, knife against his throat.

'Just fucking kill him already!'

A bead of blood wells under the tip of the blade. Izzy meets his own eyes in the polished reflection of his knife.

'Izzy stop fucking around and do what I told you to!'

His hands shake with the weight of the order. There are tears in his eyes, he can see them in his reflection.

A memory comes, unbidden: He, Edward, and Jack hiking through dense jungle to find a witch that Jack thinks might be able to break his curse, or at least tell them how to break it themselves. Her words 'I cannot break this curse Israel, this is something you must do for yourself. I can tell you this, however, to do this you'll need to face yourself. Face yourself and free yourself. That is all I can say, I'm sorry, I'd tell you more if I could.' They'd left disappointed, Jack cursing about scams and 'you can't even trust witches these days, man', Edward contemplatively silent.

Face yourself and free yourself. Izzy's eyes flick upwards to Stede's concerned face, back down to the blade. He meets his own eyes again.

'Izzy-' The rest of the Kraken's words go unheard.

Izzy tells himself, voice scarcely more than a breath: 'You will not be obedient.'

He feels, more than sees, Stede's gasp. He ignores it. His hand still wants to press the knife upwards. He tries again.

'You will not be obedient.' A little louder this time.

'The fuck did you just say-' Again.

'You will not be obedient!'

The knife flies across the deck, lands with a clatter. Silence (but for the sound of Izzy's labored breaths).

He turns, ignores the shocked crew, meets Edward's wide eyes with his own watery ones (when had the tears started falling so freely?).

'. . . Iz. . . ?'

Everything goes black.

#the dork is being a dork #izzy hands #jack rackham #mmmm i feel safe enough tagging #edward teach #stede bonnet #am i ever going to be able to imagine a cj that isn't in love with izzy? all signs point to 'no' lmfao #izzy is also in love with jack if that wasn't obvious #problem is a bit two-fold in that he's also still in love with ed AND there was an unintentional order in 'above all else is loyalty to your #captain' so even if he was emotionally aware enough to realize they were mutually in love he wouldn't have done anything about it #cj is the world's number one izzy respecter he worked SO hard to make sure izzy never had to do anything he didn't want to do #also he 100% survived the navy guys saw him survive but they didn't like izzy cause he's a pirate so they wanted to fuck with him #he finds his way back to the revenge sometime later (maybe with anne and mary/mark with him) and BEGS izzy to come with him #they compromise and start a fleet (jack stays on the revenge more often than not cause izzy stays on the revenge more often than not)#this COULD turn into stackedhands but its mostly cjizzy #and izzy/people who actually care about him and his well-being #which does start to include the crew post kraken #anyway izzy wakes up later in the captain's cabin and there are several uncomfortable talks to be had #(also i don't necessarily think ed realized he wasn't ordering izzy when jack was around)#(it was kind of like falling into old habits)#(while also knowing subconsciously that jack WOULD rock his shit for doing that to izzy)#(same with avoiding him thru the years)#(he knew he was fucking up with izzy but wasn't ready to face it and let himself be held accountable the way jack would make him do)

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danepopfrippery · 1 year

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I cant get over a reply to my take that Stede’s sweetness to Ed isnt patronizing, its meant to be besties sharing soft things with each other. The person said Stede treated Ed and his crew as an asshole colonizer specifically teaching Ed fine dining. Like brah if thats your take block me now cuz I cant even.

I can disagree w ppl on silly shit (steddyhands say) but when you weaponize a whole major set of plot points as whypipo when thats clearly not what it is, just go back to twitter. I think almost every script had at least one poc contributing to it. They never seem to know that. (And yes holy fuck would a colonizer be common irl and irl stede bonnet was an asshole and slave owner no argument).

As for the fine dining lessons: Ed ASKED for uppercrust lessons! Ed, mr ‘skin him with the snail fork’ sat there and genuinely wanted to learn. Ppl who think about skinning w snail forks dont generally stand for patronizing shit.

In fact Ed wanted to go to the French party cuz fine things and it was a chance to work on what Stede had taught him (and remember it wasnt one sided, Ed was teaching him shit too) and Stede didnt want to go!!! But he went! Cuz Ed wanted to! And when they insulted Ed be burned them to the ground.

As for the crew on face value id agree he was patronizing. But thats as lazy as the yummy soap take. It has been said by Rhys and others Stede saw this as a chance to play w friends he basically paid to spend time w him. They were all free to go.

And what stands out to me is several times we are shown Stede thinks of them as equals. When Lucius says only the two of them can read hes shocked by that. Never dawned on him most of them would be illiterate. Yes hes dumb (illiteracy was extremely common back then) but that says to me he never thought of these ppl are lower class than me.

He pays them, he feeds them, he added a bunch of rooms just to spoil them (u cant tell me the jam room was for his kids when the harpsichord is in his cabin). He plans little activities to keep them happy and doesnt MAKE them do anything (or punish them if they dont). He tried to talk Black Pete into sewing but never forced him. Instead of picking a fav flag he hung all of them cuz he cares about them (who else would do that cmon?!)

They only decide not to kill him cuz he can do the voices in the stories right. They love bedtime stories! Again its not forced or punished if not. Same for pickleball etc.

But the biggest one to me is what ppl grab onto just on the surface. We know racism, slavery and homophobia do all exist in this universe and we whiff it right away in ep 1. Yes the poc staff is relegated to playing servants but we werent shown who decided that (id bet frenchie cuz he knows rich assholes and u dont want to piss off the british navy).

Stede only went for that ship to make his crew like him, and only brought Badminton and co onboard to save everyone from the british navy. He immediately takes everyone into his room and dishes out outfits and fake names/backstories. This includes everyone poc and white.

How the fuck do u reckon that man had an outfit that fit not only Oluwande but Wee John?! Perfectly might i add. Its never shown what happens after only Olu still being in costume after they send the lone survivor back. Im making a leap ill agree but me thinks he had that shit custom made for his crew esp cuz a few of them had complimentary pieces. And there is no good reason that man would have something for someone as tall and large as Wee John.

The Brits dont start being shitty tip after Stede and the captain leave. At which point Jim, Black Pete and several others attack. They have no time for that shit and Stede never argues about it later. In fact he had a plan to send the beheaded bodies and lone survivor back.

And then theres the fact later Stede has a matching set of tailored suits for him, Lucius and his fuckin prisoner!!! I mean it was his idea to do that, and he had the clothes. When he meets Ed properly he doesnt even hesitate to show him his pretty clothes or share them. They stay in each others clothes all night.

In fact i looked this up and ur average wealthy man had 4 sets of clothes in this time period. Stede is obviously obsessed w clothing. Your average person was lucky to have two sets if even. Those outfits had to cost an insane amount of money even for a wealthy man.

If u were truly a classist, colonist asshole u wouldnt be doling out thousand dollar outfits like candy.

I could go on but i think what makes fake Stede endearing as a character is he is genuinely happy to make friends. And he never seems to view them lesser whether it be race or class. I just cant agree.

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #ofmd costumes

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last-capy-hupping · 2 years

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So, I was gonna do a detailed recap of my thoughts on Top Gun: Maverick, but now I’m just gonna hit the highlights. As for why I saw this movie on 4th of July weekend? Because my fiancé loves planes. And I owe him one because he watched Dune with me. Also, I liked the first one because of the iconic homoerotic Volleyball Montage scene. Anyway, here goes…

1) This sure is military propaganda. But not the outwardly jingoistic, American Sniper kind. It’s the fun kind, where it’s about how great and fun being an aviator for the Navy. And also, the Navy needs to have fewer rules and regulations and just let mavericks like Maverick (hahaha) do what they want. This isn’t a criticism of the military. This is a criticism of bureaucrats who want the military to have to follow rules and be accountable.

2) Related to point 1: the movie opens with an anti-drone message, but it’s not one of the ones that make sense. If Eye in the Sky was trying to tell us that drones were bad because it makes killing real people seem like killing video game characters, then the first ten minutes of Top Gun: Maverick is trying to tell us that drones are bad because Maverick won’t get to fly cool planes, and Lockheed Martin (I guess?) will lose out on some of its contracts. (My fiancé also added that the mission that made up the rest of the plot could’ve probably been flown risk-free and more effectively with drones.)

3) Ed Harris is an infinitely more fuckable old man than Tom Cruise (caked in stage makeup), but he’s only in the first ten minutes of the movie. He’s a pro-drone admiral, and you think that he’ll be the villain. He won’t be. This movie doesn’t really have a villain, apart from bureaucrats who care about safety and responsible defense spending.

4) Miles Teller was literally the perfect choice to play Goose’s son. And his call sign is Rooster. Get it? Also, for the first time in my life, I’m sexually attracted to a man with an 80s pornstache. Well done, Miles Teller. Well done.

5) The movie teases us early on with the idea that there’s gonna be a homoerotic rivalry between Rooster (this isn’t a dick joke, it’s a bird joke) and Hangman (played by Glen Powell, who as far I can tell, can only play pilots; astronauts; and cheeky, annoying men who fly things) that will echo the iconic homoerotic rivalry between Maverick and Iceman. This is a lie. Do not get your hopes up. Keep your dick in your pants. There’s nothing there.

6) You know how we all loved that homoerotic volleyball montage in the first movie? Well, this movie gives us a…foam football in the ocean montage. It’s…kinda homoerotic, I guess.

7) I feel like someone told Tom Cruise how flamingly gay the first movie was, and he set out to correct it.

8) On the other hand, he and Iceman (in his phone as Ice) text a lot and have more chemistry over text than he does with Jennifer Connelly, who is playing Kelly McGillis in this movie. (The character is Penny, but she’s basically replacement Kelly McGillis because they decided that Kelly McGillis didn’t age well enough or something.)

9) Val Kilmer is back to play Iceman, and he was happy to do it, but like…Iceman is also suffering from the same cancer that stole Val Kilmer’s voice IRL, and it’s too close to reality, and it’s too sad. Also, Iceman dies. From the cancer. Fuck. This. Movie.

10) John Hamm is in this movie. He’s also an infinitely more fuckable middle-aged man than Tom Cruise, and he’s in this movie way more than Ed Harris is, but he…doesn’t do anything. The movie makes poor use of John Hamm.

11) The main emotional core of this movie is the quasi-father-son conflict between Rooster and Maverick. It’s fine. It works. Neither one of them die.

12) Early in the movie, Rooster plays “Great Balls of Fire”, the song that Maverick, Goose, and Goose’s wife Meg Ryan played in Top Gun while baby Rooster sat on the piano. Everyone in the bar immediately knows it. Everyone in the bar. Not just Rooster’s friends in the navy. Everyone in the bar. I don’t think that “Great Balls of Fire” is that famous. Maybe they all saw Top Gun and immediately remembered that scene?

13) In spite being at least sixty, Maverick flies the impossible mission (and yes, there was a trailer for the new Mission Impossible movie, Dead Reckoning: PART ONE) and leads it because he’s still the best dog fighter there is. I haven’t spoiled anything. I knew that he was gonna fly it. You did. Your dog did. The people buried in the cemetery closest to the theater did.

14) Absolutely nothing in this movie is surprising, but that’s fine and oddly comforting.

15) I’m not a man, and I don’t have a dick, but I did get hard watching planes take off and land on an aircraft carrier while Danger Zone played. Granted, that could’ve been the theater vibrating, but I am glad that this movie gave me the ability to live vicariously through Tom Cruise while he lives vicariously through all of the F18s that the military let him use for propaganda…I mean out of the goodness of their hearts.

16) The mission is destroying a uranium enrichment plant for an unnamed “enemy” nation without having to engage their 5th generation fighter jets in a dog fight. They just refer to them as “The Enemy.”

Anyway, the country is Iran, and the planes are a loan from Russia. Very cool, very vague and Cold War.

17) There’s a moment where you think that they’re gonna make you watch Tom Cruise pretend to fuck Jennifer Connelly, who is playing Kelly McGillis. They don’t. I appreciated it.

18) I kept hearing “North Island” as “Northern Ireland,” so I kept wondering if Maverick was gonna do a raid against the IRA. That’s on me, not the movie, but I wanted to mention it.

19) Even though she was a scientist and instructor in the first movie, Penny now owns the bar on North Island. She plays a very unfunny prank on Tom Cruise where she makes him buy everyone in the bar drinks and maxes out his credit card. I almost had an anxiety attack and wanted to run out of the theater to check my banking app. Not cool, movie, not cool!

Anyway, those are my thoughts.

#top gun #top gun: maverick #my thoughts in no particular order

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thornfield13713 · 2 years

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if you're still doing the OFMD questions thing - 10?

Oh, you are going to get me into trouble.

But, okay, let's do this.

What the fuck is Izzy’s problem? Is it/should it be fixable?

I mean, this is a complicated one, because Izzy has a lot of problems. He's abusive towards his coworkers, he's unhealthily possessive of Ed, he's wound up so tightly with tension and anger that he approaches the state of rigor mortis, and he's also heavily, heavily coded as prejudiced in a lot of ways, many of which I am not qualified to talk about.

But I think, at its core, it can all be boiled down to this: Israel Hands has a very set idea of how the world ought to work, and responds with anger, disgust and violent attempts to reassert his idea of how the world 'should' be whenever confronted with things that don't play into this.

You can see this in his response to getting outwitted by Stede in episode 2 - 'it was an ambush, they tricked us, completely unprofessional', as if that isn't half of what pirates do - and in his treatment of Lucius for having the gall to be completely unashamed of his relationship with Pete and for taking what Izzy sees as the weaker role in that relationship. I'm also inclined to point as evidence for this the obvious tension between his respect for and obvious sexual interest in Blackbeard the myth and his not-especially-well-hidden contempt for Edward Teach the man, which is obvious long before episode 10 brings it out into the open.

Is it fixable? I don't know. Should it be? I mean...it would probably be better for everyone, including Izzy, if he figured out that shouting and stomping his feet and lashing out at people isn't actually going to change the fact that the world is infinitely vaster and more complex than his narrow worldview allows for. But the thing is, Izzy is a relentless and very skilled self-propagandist - and effective enough in this role to convince a fair chunk of the audience of his worldview in the teeth of everything we actually see about his competencies (swordsmanship, somehow talking the Navy into not hanging him when he outlived his usefulness) and failures (basically everything else he attempts ever). And so long as he can talk himself into believing he's right and everyone else is just doing existing wrong, I don't know that he'll be able to drag himself out of it.

#our flag means death

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kiribakuhappiness · 3 years

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Prompt- someone in class 1A bodyswaps with kirishima. For some reason they don't/can't tell their class. Whoever is in kiri body (your choice) has to deal with soft baku who either is about to confess or is already secretly dating kirishima

(Kiribaku Drabble Prompt) OH MY GOD. I AM DEAD. JUST TAKE IT. with love.

The alarm went off (supposedly) at exactly six o’clock in the morning just like it did every other morning from what felt like the beginning of time. But the tune that drifted over into his ears sounded a bit strange today, and the sheets felt a bit scratchier and heavier than he remembered them being, and - probably most importantly to note - Izuku hadn’t even needed to twitch a single muscle that morning before the blaring noise was being cut off again on its own and the room was plunged back into stifling silence.

Which all lead to the objectively horrifying conclusion that there was someone else in this bed with him.

Izuku tried not to notice how frantically his heart was pattering away inside his chest, and he kept his eyes closed to maybe continue to give off the absolutely false pretense of still being asleep, but it was no use.

He was effectively freaking out.

Why did this kind of stuff keep happening to him? First it was Aoyama leaving him cheese outside on his balcony and now this? Should he be telling somebody about these incidents? It was starting to feel like maybe it was time for him to tell somebody. All Might, maybe? Principal Nedzu? His mom?

But… that alarm… it hadn’t been set to the sound he was used to.

And these bed sheets... they were so familiar somehow...

Izuku swallowed down his rattled nerves as quietly as possible before he unfurled one of his shaking fists to touch more prominently at the heavy comforter currently all tangled up around his limbs that felt too warm, so very careful to avoid shifting too obviously or accidentally bumping into whoever the hell was next to him.

No... Izuku knew these sheets. The way that the material caught on the pads of his fingers and pulled at long forgotten memories too blurry in his adrenaline-filled state to properly see them, and that smell! He took in a deep, slow breath through his nose, and he recognized all of them. His brain prodded him with useless bombardments of dismembered images. A pillow. A blanket. A couch. A kitchen. A color. A voice.

Oh. No.

This was Kacchan’s room.

Why the hell was Izuku in Kacchan’s room?!

Why the hell was he in Kacchan’s bed?!?!

These were the exact same sheets, the same rough texture, the same familiar smell of a subtle bleach and a smoldering stack of firewood that had been ingrained into his memories since before he was old enough to even be fully self-aware of such significant sights and sounds and sensory triggers.

But this hand...

Izuku wiggled his fingers as carefully as he dared to, but it all felt wrong. The wrist was too wide, the tendons in his forearm were too strong and sturdy, like they’d never been strained or bruised before in their entire lives, fresh and limber and toned.

No. None of this was right.

“Oi, we fuckin’ gettin’ up or what?” Kacchan’s hoarse, early-morning voice cracked somewhere beside him before an equally rough palm smacked hard into his bare shoulder and startled Izuku’s eyes wide open with a chaotic lurch in the opposite direction as he rushed to sit up and put as much distance between them as possible.

Oh wow. Yeah. This was Kacchan’s room alright.

That poster used to be in his bedroom back at his parent’s place, and that snowboard leaning against the dresser in the corner had his signature orange stripe down a solid black background, and this was definitely the same navy-blue comforter that Izuku had always hated the feeling of ever since he was old enough to hate the way that things felt, and - holy cow - there was Kacchan.

Sleep torn and shirtless with his wayward spikes all pressed down flat on one side while he lifted a broad hand up to rub his battle-scarred knuckles into one of his blurry eyes. His lips tucked down into a petulant scowl and his eyebrows furrowed in the middle of his forehead the longer that Izuku continued to sit and stare at him with an open mouth as though he had just watched him grow another head.

Kacchan hasn’t tried to explode him yet.

Why hasn’t Kacchan tried to explode him yet?

“The fuck are you lookin’ at me like that for?” Kacchan griped in a moody manner as he reached out for a second time and pushed at his shoulder again, lighter, and with fingers that tried to linger for far too long. Izuku jumped at the unexpected contact and tried to back completely out of his reach, but the bed was much too small, and suddenly he was tumbling off onto the floor with a resounding groan of pain that sounded nothing like his own.

“Oi! Kirishima! The fuck is the matter with you?” Kacchan snapped in clear agitation as he glared over the edge of the bed down at Izuku’s rumpled figure lying in a heap on the floor.

Did he just say Kirishima?

Okay. Something really crazy must have happened last night. Something quirk related. Definitely something quirk related.

Izuku righted himself on the ground before he held up his hands in front of his face and gazed at the strong, muscular vein protruding on his right forearm that was most definitely not his own, and yeah, okay, he was in Kirishima’s body right now. That’s what this was – they had switched bodies. Which meant that Kirishima was probably in Izuku’s room, waking up as him and - aw man - that meant that Kirishima was going to see all of the new posters and action figures that he’d been adding to his collection since the first time when everyone had forced their way into his room and -

HOLY CRAP - Kirishima was sleeping in Kacchan’s room?! Since when??

“Did you wake up feelin’ even more dumb today or what?! If you don’t answer me right fucking now -”

It was the familiar sound of Kacchan’s explosions popping in the center of his palms that finally jarred Izuku back to the present; back to the reality of this very hazardous situation that he seemed to have found himself in. There was no way that he could tell Kacchan who he really was right now. He would kill him. He would murder him in cold blood. He would blast him to death until there was nothing left of him and then he would blast away all of the rest of his pieces just for fun.

Nope. Kacchan could not find out about this. It was just out of the question.

“Sorry!” And okay, his voice did sound a lot like Kirishima’s, that was good. Lower and scratchier with an adolescent edge in the process of dropping a few more octaves before reaching full maturity someday. He could work with that. “I was just having a dream. You startled me… d-dude!”

Kacchan frowned down at him with a suspicious, squinted gaze and Izuku tried to look as innocent as possible as he slowly lumbered back up onto his feet that felt foreign and unsteady under his new weight.

Wow. Izuku was tall. It might have only been a few more centimeters, but the height difference was already astounding. It would have been kind of nice if he had swapped places with someone who happened to be taller than Kacchan, though… oh well.

Speaking of Kacchan, he tracked Izuku’s movements with a laser-light precision while Izuku tried to remember how it was that people normally stood (because he seemed to have forgotten how to) before Kacchan suddenly tch’ed and slumped back down into his pillow with a careless arm thrown up and under his head. He smacked the empty space where Izuku had just been laying with his other free hand and glared expectantly.

“C’m back,” he demanded in a decidedly less than threatening manner.

Wow. This was really weird. Kirishima slept in Kacchan’s bed and Kacchan was okay with it? How often did this happen? How did they even get to this point where it had become so natural for them to share a bed like this? To wake up together like this? When did –

Kacchan’s lip twitched impatiently and he raised his hand up in a slow, dramatic arch as though to catch his eye and make sure that Izuku couldn’t miss how obviously the gesture was being directed at him.

“Eijirou,” Kacchan grunted out, with an incredibly uncomfortable amount of eye contact, and then he smacked the empty space beside him again.

Oh… my god. It was a summons. Izuku could not do that. He could not handle just… getting back into bed with him?! Not when he’d finally managed to escape from it. There had to be an excuse. He had to find an excuse.

“I have to pee –”

“I could not care less,” Kacchan snarked back before his strong fingers gripped bunches of the comforter into a tight hold as though he were physically restraining himself from doing something that Izuku didn’t want to know what it could possibly be.

“I-I’ll just be a minute,” Izuku tried to stumble out as nonchalantly as possible as he took a hurried step in the direction of the bathroom.

A loud creak echoing from the other side of the room halted him dead in his tracks, and he whipped around to spot Kacchan as he rolled up onto his knees in one swift movement and leaned forward, reaching out and grasping the end of the bed with two strong hands and looking ready to leap off the mattress and block Izuku from continuing.

“You really gonna make me chase after you?” Kacchan snorted an amused sort of sound under his breath as his biceps flexed dangerously and he readied himself to pounce.

Oh no. Not chase after. Never ever chase after.

“N-no!” Izuku managed to stammer out, but it was far too late. Kacchan had already made the decision to end him.

Izuku scrambled back as quickly as possible in an attempt to keep some distance between them, but it closed before he even had the chance to register that it was gone and then Kacchan was just there, far too close far too quickly, leaning into his space and wow, Izuku was so uncomfortable right now that he couldn’t even pretend to keep making eye contact anymore as he fidgeted restlessly in his new cornered position.

“You’re bein’ weirder than usual,” Kacchan stated firmly, but he had finally stopped trying to come closer which was all-in-all a very good thing.

“Sorry,” Izuku squeaked out again, clenching and unclenching Kirishima’s hands over and over as he desperately tried to pull himself together. He couldn’t help feeling so incredibly blind-sided by all of this. He had so many questions and no way to ask them – no way to understand, to know.

How long would it take for Kirishima to wake up and try to come and find him? Surely he would understand the significance of how much Izuku was finding out about right now that clearly nobody was ever meant to find out about.

Holy crap, and if Kacchan knew that it was Izuku of all people who had been the first one to find out about it?! To have seen it all unfold up close and personal like this? Oh man, it was all so very bad.

“Stop apologizin’ to me, that’s what’s so fucking weird,” Kacchan grumbled out in the same bitter tone, and Izuku tried not to stiffen when he raised a hand and pressed it into the bookshelf next to his head, leaning his weight onto it and squinting down at him like they might share an extraordinary telepathic moment.

Izuku opened his mouth, ready to apologize again completely on instinct, but any noise that was about to come out got strangled and lodged in his throat when Kacchan’s other hand came up and his thumb promptly hooked under his jaw and clamped his mouth shut before a dangerous palm slid into place and covered his mouth completely. Izuku’s heart started to race in this unfamiliar chest and his eyes widened as he waited with vein-twisting anxiety for Kacchan to blow his entire face away with a single blast.

But… he never did.

“Seriously fucking stop, Kirishima. ’S pissin’ me off,” Kacchan demanded again; stern and final. “There ain’t nothin’ to apologize for, understand?”

Izuku tried to calm his labored breathing as he watched Kacchan watch him back for a long moment, and the fingers around his jaw tightened in an unfamiliar manner before they were suddenly gone again. Kacchan pushed himself away from the bookshelf and started towards the bathroom with a loud, gruff yawn.

“Better fuckin’ hurry up, cause I ain’t savin’ you any hot water for a second shower,” Kacchan warned without looking back as he turned on the light and ducked inside the other room.

Izuku’s entire body jolted back to life at the sound of the water in the shower turning on, and when it finally clicked in his head what that thinly veiled threat entailed, he tore off in the direction of the hallway at top speeds, practically sprinting out of the room and absolutely refusing to look back even when he could hear Kacchan shouting incredulously after him.

He so did not have the mental capacity to even try and unpack any of what he had just gone through. His one and only objective was to find Kirishima and switch their bodies back as soon as possible so that he could go on with the rest of his life and pretend like none of that had ever even happened in the first place.

Yeah… that sounded nice.

For once – Izuku just really, really didn’t want to know any more details.

--- full fic out now ---

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34034215

#kiribaku #kiribaku fic #kiribaku drabble #bakugou katsuki #kirishima eijirou #midoriya izuku #drabble prompts #bakushima #bakushima fic #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfic #mha fanfic #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia

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nightingaelic · 3 years

Note

FO4 bots meeting FNV bots. Nick, Codsworth, DiMA, Ada, maybe the gen3 synths but they're pretty much just humans so idk... Yes Man, Victor, Muggy, ED-E, FISTO, etc. This is kind of a vague request so just do whatever you want with it *shrugs*

The AI's voice echoed warmly through the large conference room at the Tops Casino, hushing the assembled crowd. "I'm Mr. New Vegas, and I want to welcome you all, dear listeners, to the 41st National Robotics Expo. Vegas has been hosting this convention since 2037, and even though we skipped a few years, we're so happy to welcome it again. Let's get back to business."

A smattering of applause with a distinct metallic edge followed, which the automated DJ paused for before continuing in a tone as warm as the desert outside. "As most exhibitions do, let's begin by introducing our various delegations. We'll start with the home team, Securitrons by RobCo: RobCo Industries, automation designed and built for the private sector."

The Securitron in the back of the room with a cowboy on its screen waved. "Present!" he piped up in a southern drawl.

The robot next to him, identical in every way except for the woman's face on its screen, patted his arm. "Thank you, Victor."

"Yeah, thanks Victor!" added the Securitron with a permanent happy face on its screen. "It's not often I'm let out of my room, but it sure is nice to see another part of the hotel!"

Nick Valentine, who was sitting in the front with his arms crossed, looked down at the miniature Securitron that was pacing next to his seat. "Shouldn't you be back there with them?"

"With the House Industries bunch?" The cartoon-faced coffee mug on its screen looked up at him with an unchanging smile, but every word dripped with contempt. "Don't lump me in with them, gumshoe."

Nick frowned. "What's your name again?"

The robot gestured at its screen. "I'll give you three guesses."

"Cheeky little-"

"Ssshh." DiMA looked over from Nick's other side. "We're guests here, Nick."

"Next up we have the RobCo eyebots, both classic design and Duraframe-upgraded models," Mr. New Vegas continued, completely oblivious to the chatter in the room. A pair of eyebots on the left side of the room, one in bright Atom Cats paint and the other with haphazard shielding including a car license plate, began bobbing up and down and beeping ecstatically. A third model, outfitted with some kind of modification that crackled with blue energy, let loose a sonic blast that shook dust off the ceiling. The crowd tittered, but the courier accompanying the license-plated eyebot just laughed.

"I know folks, I know, it's a day full of excitement, but let's get through our list," Mr. New Vegas said smoothly, evidently worried that the eyebot was going to shake the room's speakers loose. "Moving on to the assaultrons, something you don't see often out here in the Mojave. Welcome, ladies."

"The pleasure's all mine," replied KL-E-0 from her seat behind Nick. The Goodneighbor trader was reclining precariously on the conference room chair, with her frame's considerable weight straining the piece of furniture's limits. She didn't appear particularly concerned though, given the way she was examining her claws the way an uninterested woman examines her nails.

"Preliminary adjustments to statistical models complete," added PAM, who was seated next to KL-E-0 in a much more attentive position. "Commencing introduction. I was, am, and will most likely be an assaultron."

"An astute calculation," agreed Ada. She was standing next to PAM and KL-E-0, as her own modified frame would not let her sit down.

"Objection." A mechanical voice rang out from the back. "Petition to acquire the modified assaultron model into the protectron class. Model clearly uses more protectron parts than assaultron."

"Stand down, Mr. First Mate," ordered the exasperated sentry bot parked next to the protectron that had spoken up. "We must show a certain measure of decorum, in these waters."

Ada rotated her head all the way around to face the first mate. "Acknowledged. I am willing to re-categorize myself if requested."

"Baby, don't let him talk you into anything you're not comfortable with," KL-E-0 replied, uncrossing her metal legs.

"Next we have the workhorses of the robotic world, the protectrons," Mr. New Vegas cut in, once again oblivious.

"Sound off!" the first mate ordered.

"Howdy pardner! Primm Slim at your service!"

"ナンニシマスカ?"

"I'm NIRA, your friendly Nuka-World Informational Robotic Assistant. Is this your first visit to Nuka-World?"

"Fully Integrated Security Technetronic Officer active and reporting for duty."

Nick made a face after the last one. "Fisto? What kind of-"

"And rounding out the RobCo set, our sentry bot representative, who I understand is responsible for our Commonwealth friends' safe arrival."

"A fine voyage for a fine vessel!" Captain Ironsides said jovially. "Our mission was a glorious success, the first of many for the pride of our navy!"

"Thank you, Captain," Mr. New Vegas replied, with a hint of amusement in his announcer's voice. "Now for RobCo's greatest partner and competitor, General Atomics International: The finest industrial robots in the world!"

The collection of Mister Handy and Miss Nanny robots on the right side of the room perked up and began applauding. "Spot on!" Codsworth said, at the front of the crowd.

"Let's start where General Atomics started, with the classic Mister Handy model. I see we have a few who made the trip with the USS Constitution."

"Present!" Codsworth answered.

"Fresh lemonade here!" cried Deezer at the same time, attempting to distribute dented cans to everyone within reach of him.

"Don't burden this lot wiv your swill, Deezer," said Whitechapel Charlie, collecting the cans as quickly as they were handed out.

"Wonderful, wonderful. Now let's hear it for the ladies again, our elegant Miss Nanny robots!"

"Hello!" said Pearl and Miss Edna, bobbing in place and prettily snapping their little claws.

"Merci beaucoup," added Curie, who was seated with the group, despite having shed her Miss Nanny frame in favor of a synth body months ago. Nick grinned.

"Objection." The first mate, despite not having a face, appeared absolutely scandalized by this development. Captain Ironsides was having none of it, however, and bopped the protectron on the head with his minigun arm.

"Maybe I should look into getting a synth upgrade," Mr. New Vegas mused. "Finishing out General Atomics are the robobrains, once human like any wastelander, now showcasing the best in technology that pre-war America can offer."

"Thank you, thank you so much," said Gilda Broscoe, who breezed up to the room's stage. She had decorated her shiny brain dome for the occasion with an enormous hat sprouting peacock feathers, and she grabbed the stage's microphone with practiced ease. It wasn't on, but that didn't appear to be enough to stop her. "Thank you all so much for this opportunity. I'd like to thank my studio, Starlight Cinemas, and of course my beloved Keith McKinney-"

"Get off the stage!" yelled the other present robobrain, Jezebel. "My orders from the Mechanist didn't include listening to you drone on about your fantastic former life!"

"-of course, I feel I have to thank my dear Santiago, Santiago, you were such an inspiration even if you couldn't bear the thought of us parting-"

Curie shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "Mademoiselle, might it not be better to wait and see-"

"Get off the stage, you old bat!" yelled Muggy, who appeared to share Jezebel's feelings.

"-and I'd like to thank that bitch Vera Keyes for passing on the role so that I could give it my own, personal touch. Thank you everyone, and good night!" Gilda let go of the microphone and curtseyed as best she could with treads. A few robots clapped, while the courier in the back stiffened and looked at the robobrain actress with wide eyes.

"Only one category left, folks, and then we can start the planned festivities," Mr. New Vegas went on. "Now for a Commonwealth Institute of Technology original, the prototype synth model. Only two in the world, and we're lucky enough to have both of them with us today."

DiMA turned around to wave to the other bots, while Nick sank deeper into his chair and pulled his hat down. "Christ."

"Objec-" The first mate didn't even get the full word out before Captain Ironsides bonked him again.

"And that concludes the introductory portion of the expo!" Mr. New Vegas paused. "Unless there's anyone I've inadvertently left out."

"Me!"

The curtain on the stage behind Gilda flew open, revealing a toaster placed on top of a stool. Gilda let out a theatrical gasp and rolled backwards, giving way to the appliance's maniacal laughter.

"Ahahaha! I am online once again!" the toaster cried. "Tremble, world, before my electric heating coil of doom! You thought you could silence me by drowning me in a bathtub, but I swore you would rue the day you had bread and no way to toast it!"

The courier in the back jumped out of their chair. "Oh shit."

"That's right, buddy, the day of bread has come!" With a ding, two slices of C-4 plastic explosive popped up from the toaster's slots. "Cower before my nuclear fire!"

Mild panic swept the room of robots. Gilda fainted dead away on the stage. Nick eased up off his chair. "Talk about delusions of grandeur. I've seen more intimidating appliances in a scrap heap."

"How dare you!" the toaster screamed. "I am the scourge of all small appliances and the bogeyman that keeps lesser toasters awake at night!"

"You're the scourge of breakfast, I'll give you that," Nick answered with a smirk. He tried not to draw attention to the courier that was inching their way to the stage. "But you're low on the ladder of bogeymen, compared to the ones I've dealt with."

"NAME THE ONES MORE FEARSOME THAN I!" the toaster demanded.

"An interesting development here at the Tops, folks," Mr. New Vegas commented. "The crowd appears to have been taken hostage by a rogue toaster."

Nick started counting off adversaries on his metal hand. "Well, there's the Rust Devils, the Gunners a few times, the Pack and all of their angry critters, the Disciples and the Operators, can't forget the Triggermen and Skinny Malone, plus his doll Darla..."

The toaster let out another frenzied laugh. "Nothing but bags of meat, easily toasted in-"

Its speech died mid-sentence, and the courier emerged from behind the curtain holding its electrical cord. "That takes care of that."

Nick winked at them. "Good on you, kid. Should we get on with the shindig?"

#fallout #fallout new vegas #fallout 4 #fnv #fo4 #robots #no I'm not tagging everyone that sounds like a lot of work

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yourdailykitsch · 3 years

Photo

Taylor Kitsch, an actor known for his roles in such Hollywood productions as "Battleship: Battle for Earth" and "X-Men Origins: Wolverine", is starring in the new Canal + series "Defeated". In an interview, the actor reveals what he remembers from history lessons, what connects the series' story with the modern world. He also explains why, according to him, every person should visit the former concentration camp of Auschwitz-Birkenau.

Taylor Kitsch started his adventure in Hollywood as a "hottie" - an actor associated with a great body and beautiful face. All because the first role that brought the popularity of the former model Abercrombie and Fitch was the character of naughty lover Tim Riggins in the cult series "Friday Night Lights".

Kitsch did not avoid tough moments in his career - for example, when the $ 250 million John Carter, his first such big role, suffered a disgusting box office failure. But the Canadian knew this taste already - after coming to the USA, he was homeless for some time before finding a job.

For years, he has been successfully playing in big titles and alongside big names. Oliver Stone ("Savages"), Ryan Murphy ("Heart Reflex"), roles alongside Chadwick Boseman ("21 Bridges"), Michael Shannon ("Waco"), Michael Keaton ("American Assassin") and Rihanna ("Battlefield ), the HBO series "Detective," starring Vince Vaughn and Rachel McAdams. Meanwhile, Kitsch finds his way to charity, especially for children.

From 1 January 2021, we will watch him in "Defeated" . There he plays the role of Brooklyn policeman Max McLoughlin, who in the summer of 1946 is sent to Berlin, which is divided into four spheres of influence. Its task is to support the emerging police structures in the rubble. But upholding order in a space of brutality and lawlessness and clashing political forces - French, American, British and Soviet - will not be easy. Especially since Max does not know that he is used as a pawn in the game to open the Cold War, and somewhere in the maze of Berlin rubble lurks his brother Moritz, a self-proclaimed Nazi hunter who will stop at nothing ...

In addition to Kitsch, the main roles will be: Nina Hoss (local policewoman Elsie Garten), Sebastian Koch (criminal known as Engelmacher, Al Capone of post-war Berlin), Logan Marshall-Green (Max's missing brother, Moritz) and Michael C. Hall (consul Tom Franklin ).

The "Defeated" takes place in Berlin, right after the war. When you decided to play Max McLoughlin, did you have any knowledge of what the situation in Germany was like then?

The seres begins six months after the end of the war. I have the impression that this is a moment that is missing in the educational process - we learn a lot about the war itself, but about what happened immediately after it, for example, I had no idea. The plot of "Defeated" is made up, but our director Måns Mårlind (co-creator of the hit series "Bridge over the Sund") constructed it on the basis of many true stories. I have the impression that fact and fiction are perfectly balanced here. In the process of preparation, he gave us many documentaries and articles that helped to build an idea about the climate of the city from 1946. Discovering the next details of the story was fascinating for me.

Your work gives him a chance to get to know the world, its history, extraordinary places and people. Do you appreciate it?

This is the best part of my job! With each new production, I have a chance to immerse myself in its world and get to know it thoroughly. It could be a war movie like "Survivor", a story about a cult leader ("Waco"), the world of a detective ("Detective") or the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, as in "Heart Reflex". When I was an aspiring actor learning to act in New York, I never imagined that I would be able to live and work like this. Train with Navy Seals or meet Larry Kramer [American playwright, writer and activist for LGBT rights - ed.]. I am very lucky!

Prague, where you shot "Defeated", is a cult city for many Polish filmmakers, due to the famous FAMU school, but also a popular, atmospheric excursion destination. How was your time there?

Lovely. He will refer again to the privilege of working like this: six months in such a wonderful place, it is almost immoral! The only downside was the tight schedule so I didn't discover all the nooks and crannies that I had on the agenda. Fortunately, my driver, a guy in his fifties, was a great-grandfather from Prague, very talkative, and from him I learned the most interesting things - stories about the adventures of my ancestors and friends! Besides, in Prague, if you want to take a history lesson, you go out twenty meters in front of the front door - and it's already getting started. We shot in the summer, before Covid. We had an international team - Czechs, Swedes, Russians, Germans, French ... In use - not only behind the scenes, but also on the set - several languages simultaneously. Really, the only problem for me was my diet. Flour, red meat, stews ... I don't really like to eat like that. At least the beer was delicious, really amazing! In general, I really liked the culture of drinking and eating outside, these gardens, the community ... wonderful thing.

Due to the fact that the film was made in Europe, you had the opportunity to see places related to the war with your own eyes. What made the greatest impression on you? I was lucky, although it is not quite an adequate term that during the shooting we managed to visit the site of the former Auschwitz camp. Of course I knew, I had read about concentration camps before, but this direct contact with the site was invaluable, it gave me a clear idea of what happened. It is difficult for a man to believe what he sees around him. He's standing right next to him, yet he doesn't quite believe it. The space made a huge impression on me. I did not realize how huge Birkenau was, how perfectly organized the entire extermination was. This architecture, the surrounding houses, barracks. Someone designed it, thought over the function down to the smallest detail, and during my visit, I had the chance to trace how and where the whole process took place, step by step. I was standing there and it felt like I was choking, my whole body ached. Such experiences helped me a lot to bring my character to life. Max did not survive the camp himself, but he appears in a place marked by this tragedy, the tragedy of World War II, it affects him. I wish everyone could visit this place because it is a life changing experience.

Movies set in the past can be a perfect mirror for what is here and now. What analogies do you see between that reality and today's world? - Division, the dictate of fear, fear of the unknown, of otherness. Different ways to work through your trauma. These are all threads that connect the "Defeated" space with our reality. For my character, especially the experience of trauma resulting from family history, from the relationship with my brother, becomes the key. They both underwent a similar shock, but their reactions were completely different. I found it very interesting. Max is still hoping for a change, Moritz, as the saying goes, "the platform is gone". They have a completely different perception of one and the same event. Again, it is also a very contemporary thread - one event, situation, and extreme different opinions about it.

Your hero comes from Brooklyn, after you came from Canada, you spent a lot of time in New York. What is so special about the atmosphere of this city that gives it such a "mythical" status? For me, it has always been, I fully agree! Scorsese's "Streets of Poverty" has always been such a cinematic quintessence of New York, with its excellent Keitel and DeNiro. This film is set in the 1940s, which is the present day of Max. He was my point of reference in terms of the accent. Those years were difficult, the inhabitants struggled to make ends meet, and that also had to affect my character's character. Besides, New York has a chic character, New Yorkers feel proud of their roots. It's also something that Max defines.

And you had to transfer this New York feeling to Berlin ... ... to the razed Berlin, which for Max becomes, in a way, another space of trauma, personal again, but this time much more intense.

For this role, you had to master not only a Brooklyn accent, but also the German language. It was difficult?

I had an amazing accent teacher from Berlin, Simone. My rock! Fortunately, Max is an American who speaks German poorly and not a German, because if I had to play a German, I would have had a nervous breakdown! German is a damn hard language, especially for someone who wasn't exposed to such sounds when growing up. I learned everything phonetically. Sometimes I was "suspended" during the scene and then I was saved by Nina [Hoss, a great German acting and screen partner of Kitsch - ed.]. In my career, I have had to play with a South African, Texas, New York accent ... I've learned that there is no such thing as an optimal effect, someone is always dissatisfied. I focus on the vision agreed with the creators and I stick to it. Language is an amazing link between the actor and the protagonist, gives a unique insight into his state of mind and view of the world. I definitely prefer to play the character with an accent than to speak as usual. It's a great transformation tool. The arrangement of the lips, the appearance of the face, and the term are changing. In "Waco" my character, the guru of the sect David Koresh, had an unnaturally high, soft voice, which immediately made the viewer feel differently.

We associate you with American hits, but you are, like Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling, Canadian. Do you feel like an American, or is Canada a state of mind after all?

I started my adventure with the USA when I was 20, I came to school. Now I'm forty, so I've spent half my life here. Madness! Over time, I have grown into this space, I have settled down and I feel at home. I'm talking to you from my home in Austin, Texas. But at the same time, I'll always be Canadian. I go there often, visiting my family and familiar places. Maybe I'll go back one day, who knows?

You've had moments in your career that turned from a promise of triumph to failure, such as the high-budget John Carter, who failed at the box office. Do you have something that you already know: "I'm avoiding this"? I don't have things that, as a rule, I don't do or know that I will never do. But there are some that I don't like. These include radical weight changes. My dear friend must have gained twenty-five kilos for a small, independent film. The first week was great because you eat what you want, then depression started, joint problems, sugar jumping ... I never put my back, but I lost weight. I lost a dozen kilos for the role in "Waco", before that for the "Bang Bang Club". It's fucking hard and very exhausting, especially the older I get. My body and head hate it! Also, until Scorsese calls with some great proposal, I say: enough.

#taylor kitsch #Shadowplay #interview

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arsenicflame · 5 months

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so, this ones technically not a fix it because its still major character death but this is how i would tweak the canon story to give Izzy's death meaning and weight.

First of all, Izzy doesn't get shot by Ricky. The crew of the revenge may still be absolute rookies by Izzy's standards but even they know to take all the weapons off a hostage and unload any guns. Ricky still escapes and alerts the Navy, and our crew are running through the woods, down to the beach and Izzy is still falling back. For all his new prosthetic has helped his mobility immensely, its no good for running. Its clunky and dragging behind him and Ed and Frenchie and Jim and everyone keeps slowing down to make sure he's keeping up with them, but in doing that the navy are quickly catching up to all of them, they're being swarmed.

They break through the trees onto the beach, with more and more men coming up behind them. Izzy's struggling even more across the beach than he was in the woods, the hoof sinking in and sand shifting as he tries to run, and he stumbles. All the while Navy men continue to appear from all directions- and it hits him. That this is it. There's no way they will all make it out alive.

But he's Izzy Fucking Hands and even if he cant run anymore, he can still fight. He can fight for this crew, this family, these people who have given him so much, who have opened their arms to him when he was at his lowest, who have allowed him to feel free. He can still fight. He can buy them time.

So he turns, and draws his sword.

There was never any way he could win, of course. Even when he truly was the best swordfighter in all the Caribbean, fighting dozens of navy men at once would have been beyond him- but he can distract them, hold them off long enough the revenge sets sail. Its a glorious sight, one man against dozens, bodies falling around him as he holds them back. Its impressive to watch, and maybe, for a second, the crew allows themselves to hope. But then, he takes a cut to his sword arm, and another to his side.

And then he goes down.

But he goes down fighting.

Izzy Hands, who spent his whole life fighting dies that way too, fighting for the safety he spent his whole life searching for.

#i wanted to have jim hold a dinghy for him waiting to see if he could escape until the last second but i think they knew #that he would never try to escape if it brought even a chance of risk to them #its just. the season spends so long talking about who izzy is- hes revered in their community; he has a reputation; hes one of the best.#+ also showing the building of his relationship with the crew; learning how to be loved by them and love in return #he spends the start of the episode talking about how it's all for the crew for fucks sake why could we not see him die in defence of that?#using his proficiency at sword fighting to keep his family safe one last time #nyxtalks #ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #izzy hands #israel hands #fix it #resurrecting my finale week drafts now im a bit less bitter #i wanted to put something in about the crew protesting; because obviously they would; but it fucked with the flow of the post.#and again. i think they knew anyway #this was his hill to die on #also- some thoughts on why he could fight but not run: a) its fiction #b) hes actively been practicing his fighting with his hoof; hes been learning to compensate for it on a rocking boat #he'll have a lot more instinct on how to balance when his footing isnt stable; from his history and from sheer dogged determination #the way hes practiced hes learnt to use the leg to his advantage; or at least work around its hinderance.#he uses his hoof as his balance; propelling himself with his good leg; and i think itd be pretty simple to translate this through to sand-#standing still and letting them come to you; only moving in ways you feel comfortable. this has been his way of life for so long;#hes probably fought with injuries before; if nothing else; he can always figure out how to fight. hes had to

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stellar-alley · 4 years

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Everfalls

•Chapter 8•

This is based off of the artwork by oceanteeeth on Instagram! Also shout out to my Beta super.rose.cosplays!

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

(Summary: Eddie's day only gets worse the longer it goes on and it causes him to have an anxiety attack.)

(The Day After The Test)

Everyone knows the saying about waking up on the wrong side of the bed. That morning, Eddie realized what it really meant. Even though he went to bed early, he felt tired and sluggish. It was also a bad hair day, but I can cover it up with my hat- He looked over at the place he usually kept it, under the bay window, Shit, where’s my beanie? He searched his room frantically until he realized that if he didn’t get ready and leave, he’d be late for school. So he begrudgingly pulled a navy blue hoodie over his polo. The hood will do, he thought as he walked out the door.

The weather was grey, the dark clouds that lurked overhead threatened to rain. It reminded him all too well of the day he fled The All Lands, so that didn’t help his mood, at all.

Eddie didn’t even get to see Richie and Beverly for their morning smoke (They smoked, not him. He has asthma) because he had 5 minutes before the first bell and he knew that with his luck, today, it’d take him twice as long to open his damned lock.

He burst into the homeroom with 2 minutes to spare. Alley gave him an amused smirk as he rushed to take his seat. “You good there Eddie?” She watched as he nearly spilled all of the contents in his binder on the floor.

“Oh stop finding this so funny” He practically growled, which is something he rarely does, only when he's really pissed, or stressed.

“Sorry, sorry” She shook her head in amusement. “Anyways I was thinking today…” He listened to all she had to say and forced his more genuine smile. Can this day get any worse? He thought as he pulled the blue hood farther up his head.

English class, that’s when it got worse, a lot worse. Just the fact that he had to wear a hood made his day worse, it didn’t sit the same way his beanie did, he had to constantly be pulling it higher as it had a tendency to slide down. Everyone around Eddie seemed to be in a meh mood as well, so that didn’t help him. But the moment he walked into English class and found his test turned backside up towards him. He was greeted by a score of 41%, that, was the final straw.

Without another word Eddie ducked his head and left the classroom. Tears pricked at his eyes, he needed to be alone, he needed to breathe. He had taken one step out of the classroom before he ran into someone. He glanced back only for a split second. A familiar face stared back at him.

“A-Are you okay?” Bill’s eyes were filled with worry.

He couldn’t muster anything greater than a whisper, “I’m fine”. He turned and continued down the hall. He quickened when he heard Bill calling out behind him, the words were inaudible over the sound of his heart that beat loudly behind his ribs.

Richie entered his third period english class. His eyes immediately scanned all of the faces in the room, Eddie’s usually here already, he thought as he walked to stand over Eddie’s desk. The paper that sat on its surface sat face up, his heart dropped at the mark that the page displayed. Immediately, his head shot up and he found Alley, the girl who showed Eddie around on his first day. “Have you seen Eddie?” His voice took on a new tone of urgency.

“Yeah, he just left, I don’t know where he-” Richie didn’t stay to listen, he was already out the door. Something was off, he could smell it in the air. A sixth sense was telling the wolf to find his rabbit.

“Richie” A familiar voice called out to him. He turned on his heels, but he was met by disappointment as he realized it was Bill who stood before him.

“Yo” Richie said, his voice was distant as he tried to pick up a scent on Eddie. Shouldn’t be that hard, just gotta find a trail. Focus on it. The smell of rain, evergreen trees and ilacs. The smell you love so much-

“I ju-just saw Eddie. Is he o-kay? He se-seemed uh-upset” Richie could feel his wolf ears perk up from beneath his beanie, at the sound of the other’s name.

Richie’s eyes grew wide and wild, on the verge of reverting back to their wolf state, “You saw him. Which way did he go?”.

Bill raised his hand and pointed down the nearest hallway, “T-That way- But R-Rich, is everything oh-okay?” Bill interrogated. His voice was filled with concern and worry.

Richie didn’t even get a chance to answer as his feet had already swept him away and down the hall. He was halfway through the empty corridor when he smelt it, heavy rain and freshly picked flowers. Eds. Richie broke off into a sprint.

He burst through a set of doors that led outside. Immediately he was greeted by the steady mist of rain that fell from the dark clouds over his head. The yard was fairly quiet, the main sound was Richie’s own heavy breathing as he scanned the area. Trees, benches, pavement. He froze when the green grass was disrupted by a white ball of fluff. White rabbit. He stared at the creature for a beat as he experienced major dejavu.

Suddenly Richie was back in his room, staring out his window, at a white rabbit. The same white rabbit, a little voice inside his head spoke. It dawned on him almost immediately. Eddie. He kicked himself for not piecing it together sooner, first he sees a magical white rabbit, then literally days later he meets a boy who’s half rabbit? It seemed so evident now. But now was no time to stare.

Richie broke free from his thoughts. He began to put distance between himself and the school, slowly he closed the gap between himself and the bunny, that stayed ever so still where it sat. Richie made an effort to not make any sudden movements or overstep, worried that he'd scare the poor thing off.

He couldn’t shake the thoughts that clouded his mind, why’d he shift? Why here? Why now? That’s so unlike him to be so reckless he must’ve- anxiety. The memory resurfaced of Richie making nachos and Eddie explained how his emotions can trigger his shift, how during his most intense anxiety attacks, he’d shifted. Richie’s heart ached at the thought, he couldn’t help but wonder what had caused such strong emotions.

He stopped about 5 feet away from the rabbit. With such close proximities, Richie was finally able to make out the colour of the bunny’s eyes. That’s what confirmed his theories. The rabbit shared Eddie’s magical crystal blue eyes. The sight caused the corner of his lips to rise ever so slightly into a small smile.

Without breaking eye contact, Richie steadily lowered himself down to one knee. Then he spoke with a low and confused tone, “Eddie, what happened?”. The rabbit’s eyes went wide at the mention of his own name.

The bunny blinked in response. Without missing a beat Richie realized, he can’t talk, cause he’s a fucking rabbit. Good going dumbass. He mentally facepalmed.

Instead of speaking again, Richie shuffled over to sit right in front of the rabbit. “It’s okay. You’re okay” Richie whispered, lowering his head to try to catch the bunny’s glance again.

The rain turned from a mist to something like a drizzle. The bigger water droplets accumulated on the rabbits fur. It sent a shiver up the animal’s spine. He lightly shivered as his nose wiggled a little, in normal bunny fashion.

If Richie’s heart wasn’t aching enough already, then the sight of a shivering bunny for sure made it swell. “Come here” He requested with open arms. He was met by a quizzical gaze, the rabbit’s blue eyes skimmed over Richie and the lap he was offering as a place to sit. After a minute or so, the shivering hadn't stopped, now even Richie felt the chill in the air. “Please?” He wrinkled his eyebrows and attempted his best puppy dog eyes.

Hesitantly, the white rabbit edged its way through the grass. One paw after another. Right until it stood in front of the big human with massive glasses. His little rabbit heart beat happily at the thought of being in such close proximity to the one he’s been fantasizing about most. He climbed over the human’s legs and sat in his lap. He took a moment to get comfortable before releasing a deep sigh. He felt safe. It’s something he’s always felt when he was with his wolf.

Richie watched as it got comfortable and felt the little breath as it sighed. Richie did the same, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He let the moment continue until he was absolutely sure everything was okay. Once he was sure the precious bunny in his lap wouldn’t make a run for it, he slowly moved his right hand to rest on top of the bunny’s white fur.

His heart skipped a little beat at the softness that he was greeted with. Something about Eddie, in his Ancestor form, laying in Richie’s lap, made him feel like the clouds could start downpouring and he’d still feel the same way he does now. Like time had frozen and he finally had time to think. Even if time had frozen, he wouldn’t have wanted to spend eternity with anyone else.

Richie’s hand slowly began to move it’s way down the bunny’s back. The creature in his lap stiffened, only for a moment before moving into the touch. Richie kept that up for a little, just slow, soft pets. He stopped and rested his hand on the bunny’s back once he’d seized his shivering.

“Eds, baby… You can’t stay like this forever. Uh- do you mind if I pick you up?” Richie sounded like Bill as he submitted his request. The thought of being held did not appeal to Eddie. But he trusted Richie, so he wiggled his little pink nose as a positive indication.

Richie’s smile grew as he positioned his hands appropriately around Eddie before he held him up to his face. Now they were at eye level. The two took some time and just studied each other.

Eddie studied a face that he’s been staring at for over a week now. His big chocolate brown eyes, that if he stared too long he’d get lost in their sweetness. His crooked smile and little dimple that he suddenly got the urge to poke. But alas, he was a rabbit, with no fingers, the poking of the dimple would have to wait.

Richie studied a face he’d only seen in his dreams. The white rabbit that started this all. Sure it was only one dream, the night after he saw the allusive creature, but still. It was so mysterious. Also the fact that he’d just learned how almost all white rabbits are in someway magical, totally blew his mind. Looking at the rabbit in his hands now, how could he not be magical? It’s Eddie. The sound of his laugh echoed through Richie’s head, sure he had magic, but Eddie had Richie completely smitten all on his own, no magic needed. That’s how much Richie cared for him.

Richie had been wanting to do this for a while now. He knew well enough that human Eddie would’ve given him a slap if he tried this any other time. But now Eddie was a bunny and he couldn’t do anything from stopping Richie’s index finger from bopping his little pink nose. “Boop!” he smirked as the nose automatically scrunched up on impact. The reaction brightened Richie’s smile.

“Okay now, Eds, you can’t shift out here. You’ll freeze your balls off”

If rabbits could roll their eyes, Eddie would’ve done so right about now. He probably would’ve given Richie a smack as well.

Richie’s mind was scheming, the gears behind his eyes turned until they clicked and created an idea. “What if I sneak you into the boys bathroom? The one in the basement has a lock. Bev and I usually go there when it’s too cold to smoke- that’s besides the point” Richie cut himself off, “What do you think Buns?” Richie tested out a new nickname. He received a scrunch of the nose and a twitch of the ears. Eddie hated it and Richie was loving every second of it. But after the bunny gave what could only be interpreted as a nod of his fluffy head.

“Okay! Okay…. Now to get you into the school. Shit. Uhhhh- I can’t just bring a rabbit through the front doors” Richie began monologuing out loud. Eddie let out a little huff. Though he always acted like it, he really didn’t find Richie that annoying. He actually enjoyed (for the most part) their constant banter. He hadn't been able to do that with anyone else, ever. Something about their constant bickering almost seemed comforting, as if he knew that above all else, they’d always have that.

After a couple minutes of Richie rambling, Eddie’s chill came back and he knew they didn’t have time for another cuddle session. Although Eddie would definitely try again once he was human. Now he needed to get back into the school and shift. With an idea in his head, he wiggled in Richie’s grasp and nudged the wolf’s jacket with his nose.

Richie stopped talking. He hesitated momentarily as he pieced together a plan. “Jacket? Good idea Buns” he nodded in approval.

Dear god, please stop calling me that. Although he thought that, Eddie knew if he were human, his ears would’ve grown hot and his cheeks would be pink right about now.

It took a little bit of adjusting but soon enough, Richie had pulled his hood over his head and loosened the drawstrings as much as possible. From there he held Eddie out and allowed him to crawl inside the hood and find his own footing. Eddie ended up mainly laying over the back of Richie’s neck. It took Richie a second to adjust to the sudden amount of pressure and warmth on his back, but it soon turned into something that soothed him. Similar to the effects of a weighted blanket. He couldn’t stop the thought that entered his head next. What would Eddie’s body feel like draped over mine? He blinked away the thought as he knew they had more important things than his silly little crush. If that was what he was calling it now.

“You good in there SpaghEds?” Richie asked as he put his hand out in front of his hood. He felt a little nose make a little bobbing motion as if to nod its head. “Good. Okay keep quiet in there alright? And only come out when I tell you” He instructed. For safety measures, Richie snaked his phone out of his back pocket and turned the selfie camera on. He looked at himself and watched the little ball of fluff retreat into the darkness of his hood. This hoodie was a couple sizes too big, so the hood draped over his head and allowed Eddie to be hidden within the excess layers of fabric.

After he released a long sigh, Richie clenched and unclenched his fists and began marching towards the school “Let’s do this”.

Right as he stepped over the threshold of the school he could sense it. “Keep low” he murmured in a voice so low only Eddie heard. With those instructions, Eddie curled deeper into the back of Richie’s neck.

He turned the corner at the same time as someone else did. Richie’s insitics kicked in and he leaned his shoulder to the side, which allowed him to effortlessly slide past the oncoming traffic.

“Richie?”

Richie turned on his heels. “Bill! Hey.” He hated how anxious his voice sounded.

“Did you end up finding Eddie?” He asked with concern, but Richie’s tone didn’t go unnoticed, “A-Are you oh-okay?”.

“Me? Yup! I’m fine and dandy, but uh- Eddie on the other hand-” Richie immediately felt the bunny tense up on his neck at the mention of his name. “H-He’s having an anxiety attack. He just texted me” Richie held up his phone. “He’s in the bathroom, I-I’ve gotta go.” Without waiting for a response from Bill, or further questioning, he sped off through the halls. After he made a couple turns, just as he was about to go down into the basement of the school, he checked the halls to make sure Bill hadn't followed them. He even took a moment to let his wolf ears listen for any suspicious movements. Once he was sure they were safe to continue, he opened the door and made his way down the stairs.

The bathroom was empty, of course it was, the basement bathroom was for smokers and make out sessions. And the main people who smoked down here were Richie and Bev, and they scared away most of the horny teens who wanted to use it as their secret make out spot. So yeah, it was empty, and probably would stay like that, unless Bev came. She usually smoked in between classes or outside, so they were safe.

Richie locked the door. Took a moment to catch his breath. He could feel Eddie do the same from inside his hood. The rabbit nudged the back of Richie’s ear with his little head. The nudge brought an amused smirk to the wolf’s face, the soft fur tickled his neck.

“Okay Eds, we’re safe” Richie confirmed as he took a seat on the floor.

He held his hands out on the right side of his hood and waited until Eddie shuffled out. Richie turned his head to glance at Eddie as his little pink nose wiggled, sniffing the air. “Smells good Eds? You like the smell of my smoking hideout?” He said slyly.

Eddie slouched slightly and rolled his eyes, or at least he thought he did. This wouldn’t have been his first choice, or a choice at all. He could only imagine how sticky the floor was, and he didn’t even dare think of what those toilets looked like. But this was where Richie took him, and it was his only option right now. So he had no choice but to wiggle out from the safety of Richie’s hood and into his grasp.

"There you go" Richie held Eddie for a moment. Softly petting his fur, "You're okay... You're okay" he reassured him as he closed his eyes, slowly and slowly leaned against the bathroom door.

Richie wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he was finally brought back to reality when a moist little nose poked the palm of his hand. He didn't move his head, just his gaze, he looked down and saw Eddie had nudged his hand. Then, he did it again, almost as if he was planting small little kisses on his hand. Richie's checks burned and his smile widened.

Eddie hopped he'd get another chance to do that, kiss Richie, as a human of course. But now that's what he really wanted, was to be human. So he turned his neck to look up at Richie who was all red and smiley.

"Yeah yeah, I get the message" Richie groaned, but his voice was more amused than anything. He sat up straighter, leaned forward and let Eddie hop down from his hands. "Do you need me to look away or something?" Richie questioned.

Eddie gave him what he could only assume was a shake of his head, to indicate no. The shifting process varied for the different types of ancestors. For the rabbits it was a little easier, the simple flash of light, then suddenly they're human. Minimal pain. Hell, they even get to keep their clothes. That's the power of Ancestral magic. The rabbit hybrids were one of the first created, so they've had more time to evolve.

Werewolves on the other hand, like Richie, are more recent, only a couple millenniums old. Which makes their magic newer, still raw. Their transformation process is still painful and possibly gruesome.

Eddie has never had to see a werewolf transform, but he couldn't help thinking about what it might be like. Or how much it might hurt for Richie.

For now Eddie tried to keep his mind focused on his own transformation. It wasn't necessarily hard, especially since he wasn't too anxious at the moment, Richie had done a good job at relieving his stress. The pets and scratches had really eased his nerves.

He hopped a couple square tiles away from Richie. He positioned himself, closed his eyes, and started the mental process. He let his conscious travel deep down into the darkness of his mind. It lingered there for a while. On the other side of that darkness, that's where the light was, the light that started the Ancestors. The light that fell from the sky millions of years ago and created the first hybrid.

When he traveled to the light it enveloped his entire form, both physically and mentally. The tingle he was all too familiar with reverberated throughout his body, causing his nose to twitch and his leg to tremor. A rush of manageable pain shot through his body as the light appeared.

Then, Eddie was human.

Richie blinked at the boy that now kneeled in front of him. The transformation was a lot different from the times he’s witnessed Went transform. It was smoother, cleaner. He watched as a little shiver ran through the rabbits body. The flash of light that followed took him by surprise. Suddenly, the rabbit had turned into his friend, and Richie was left speechless. It was like a scene out of some cheesy fantasy movie.

“Holly shit” Richie exhaled, his eyes wide in amazement and shock.

Eddie kept his eyes on the ground ahead of him, a smirk growing on his lips. He was currently kneeling on the floor, with his legs beneath him and his arms stretched out in front of him, holding him up. He shook his head to get a glimpse at Richie. He was quiet, for once, clearly in shock and awe.

Eddie was only able to muster the words, “Cool right?” before his arms gave out from beneath him. He fell face first onto the cool tile floor.

“Shit!” Richie sharply inhaled, immediately diving down to the ground. “Are you okay?” His voice was frantic, the shock finally settled.

“F-Fine” Eddie mumbled with his eyes closed. He flattened out and rolled onto his back.

Richie leaned over him, he moved his hands to Eddie’s shoulders and pulled the boy into a sitting position. RIchie wrapped his arms around Eddie, hugging him tightly.

“What happened? Bill said you looked stressed and-”

“Chee, I failed the test… And I-I lost my dad’s hat.” Richie moved away so he could cup Eddie’s face with his hands.

Eddie began to feel the same stress he had before. The emotions began to fill his head and caused tears to well up in his eyes.

“Your dad’s hat? You mean the one you always wear? Th-The beanie?” Richie stumbled over his words, overwhelmed by the sight of an emotional Eddie.

“Yes, Richie. The last fucking thing my dad left me…” Eddie’s voice drifted off as the first tear rolled down his cheek.

“Which I lost.”

“Which is right here.”

The two said at the same time. Eddie’s eyes became as wide as saucers, “What?” He questioned, unsure if he heard Richie correctly.

“Yeah! Eds- ah, I’m so sorry I accidentally took it when I grabbed my jacket yesterday” Richie reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and produced Frank’s hat. “I’m really sorry.” His voice was sincere as he met Eddie’s gaze.

Eddie tried not to seem too eager as he took the hat from Richie. He held it to his nose and inhaled the familiar scent. It brought a warm smile to his face, he felt the stress lift off of his shoulders. In the moment, Eddie was so happy he didn’t even think through the words he spoke, “Richie, I’m so happy I could kiss you”.

“You-What?” Confusion snuck onto Richie’s face. He was unsure how to feel, of course he wanted to kiss Eddie, he just never thought Eddie wanted to kiss him back

Only then did Eddie realize he’d been speaking out loud. Why did I say that? Kissing Richie? Why is that what my mind always goes to? He’s just a friend, a really, really good friend. My best friend. And friends don’t just kiss each other, guys don’t kiss each other. Or at least that’s what his mother drilled into his head.

“Nothing! Nothing…. J-Just, thank you for the hat” Eddie kept his eyes on the hat in his hands nervously.

His mother’s voice echoed through his head.

Eddie Bear, you don’t wanna be like those other dirty birds, now do you?

No mama.

Boys should never think of other boys like that. Our heavenly father did not put us on this earth to love the same sex. That’s why there are women, and there’s men. You hear me Edward?

Yes mama.

That’s better…

Eddie abruptly got to his feet, he wobbled slightly but stepped aside from Richie and reached for the door.

“Eds- Where are you going?” Richie’s brow furrowed together, looking up at Eddie.

“Don’t call me that.” His voice was sharper than he would have preferred, so before Richie could say anything about it Eddie continued, “Thank you, for this. But I’ve gotta head back to class”. His fingers fumbled to unlock the door but once he got it, he was gone.

Word Count: 4310

This chapter was a blast to write! I adored all the cute cuddly scenes and how Eddie's powers are controlled by his emotions. I had been planning an anxiety attack like this basically since the beginning of the book and I'm happy with how it went! As always I hope that you all enjoyed, and if so, leave a comment, tell me your favourite part of this chapter, it always makes me happy to see people like my work.

That's all for me, I'll see all of you next Friday with the next chapter!

Until then,

So Long and Goodnight.

[Taglist]

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Let me know if you wanna be added to the tag list!

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brideylee · 4 years

Text

Chateau Quarantine

Sophia Coppola smokes a cigarette while she waits for an omelette she has no intention of eating. It’s a gloomy marine layered morning, you can barely see across Sunset. She’s been in lock down for three weeks and while she normally loves the moody, brooding decadence of the Chateau Marmont, its elite solitude is giving her a bit too much time to reflect. She thinks about the concept of crying as she watches a long torso-ed model skinny dip in the pool from the penthouse. There are no rules anymore, not that there were many in the first place. The hotel was shuttered to the public as of three weeks ago, and those who were already there could stay indefinitely. Sophia lives alone in the tower suite with the three bedrooms and the wrap around porch, known by some as “the Deniro”, but Robert himself couldn’t tell you why. Any legends or gossip about the Chateau were just bread crumbs to keep the public hungry and mystified. The real Chateau for the privileged few who used it, was an unceremonious respite for excessive loneliness, addiction, and often not great sex. The Chateau had a reputation: look but don’t fuck. Everyone’s genitals were rendered useless from anti-depressants.

She thought she would be filming by now. Her cast is stranded too, with little guidance other than “we’ll wait it out.” The film she wanted to make stars Hugh Grant and Ewan McGregor as two estranged brothers coming together for their father’s funeral. Iman was set to the play the mysterious woman who shows up at the funeral who they then realize was their father’s mistress. It was going to be a slow movie about the brothers coming to terms with their father’s death and equally so falling in love with the woman he hid from them. All this would be suggested through intimate long takes, and funny, stylish, improvised montages. Always subtle and romantic without the sap, this was the tight rope Sophia liked to balance on. At the end of the movie, both brothers are mildly changed, but not entirely. She has a sweet spot for the immovability of people’s psyches, particularly men.

Sophia watches impartially, as the naked model floats on her back in the calm pool. It is so cold and early to swim, is she on drugs or is everyone at this place even more numb than they think? She wondered if her film was too male, too disembodied from her personally to mean anything. Tapping into the male gaze, was an ability she was born with. Her father’s point of view was all she interacted with as a kid, and the underside of his specialties became her focus: the lost parts of men when they are too weak to hold up the heavy crown of their egos, who they were when they could let themselves feel outside of their work. But given the state of the world, and the molasses nature of time during lock down, Sophia started to question if what she always found to be her strength was just simply trauma. Was her whole profession a way to resolve some genetic creative stifling that took place in the shadow of her dad? Surely her body of work contains more than that. It’s not all a selfish attempt at repair. Is any art not selfish? "Maybe I should make a different movie, something that everyones gonna like for once.” She thinks to herself. Thank God, her goat cheese omelette has arrived.

Later on, the gothic lobby is empty besides the cast of her film and the elegant model behind the reception desk standing like a hollow sculpture, frightened by the chaos that lurks outside. Ewan McGregor, drunk off of five Marmont Mules, is showing Hugh Grant an app that maps the stars and constellations. Ewan has gone on and on about a camping trip he took around Scotland and how amazing the stars were, but when pressed for details about where exactly he was or what he saw or what year he did this, he can’t seem to remember anything at all.But that doesn’t dampen his excitement about the app. “See, that, there is Orion’s belt!” Ewan enthusiastically points out, his cute smirk displaying his bottom row of sweet corn kernel teeth. Ewan just recently learned about the stars. Until the age of 47, Ewan had been referring to them as “night freckles.” Many think this is why he didn’t have a fun time acting in Star Wars, space simply befuddled him. Hugh and Ewan are dressed exactly the same: navy blue beanie, black jeans, a tight blue thermal, and desert boots- the actor man uniform they give you after you play opposite Nicole Kidman or Renee Zellweger.

“That’s brilliant,” says Hugh Grant completely perplexed by the app and confused at Ewan’s rambling. Hugh sticks a handkerchief up his nostril with his pointer finger and wiggles it around somewhat violently. Iman clocks this with a blink of disgust, her silk, gold blouse glistens with god-like royalty in the amber glow. “Can you turn your face away? That’s how the virus is spreading.” Her voice is deep and she rarely uses it because it changes the direction of the wind and messes with the tides. “Aw, fuck me. That’s right, isn’t it?” Hugh Grant turns away and starting blowing his nose and coughing obnoxiously. Hugh is acting like a resentful brat because he knows he wont be able to have Iman. He decides he’s gonna pick a fight with Sandra Bullock via face time later to blow off steam. Iman is thinking she was right all along, she should never have agreed to this. She was already sick of the “beanie twins”.

Hugh had been rattling on about how the movie needed a sex scene or at least a sexy scene and went on to say that Sophia had some sort of block. Iman felt that both Ewan and Hugh, however innocently, were exploiting their acting roles to gain real life experience, and there was no way in hell, she was going to kiss either of them. Her kiss would make them immortal and Iman knew their souls needed more lifetimes to grow. Plus, she liked the script the way it was- underwritten and open for interpretation. Her character is symbolic of the side of their dad they didn’t get to meet- spiritual, graceful, embodied. It was a soulful choice not to show any nudity or sex, one that could lead Americans to try to use whats left of their iPhone stolen imaginations.

Meanwhile Michael Cain, who was supposed to play the dead father, is staring at the beautiful Victorian tapestry hanging behind her. “It’s like it’s right out of the Cloister’s.” Michael says under his breath. Michael is sweet, Iman thinks as she watches him stare at the tapestry with wonder, his mouth agape, and a lil warm milk spilling out of his left eye. Iman and him have known each other for years and he always reminded her of her husband: his fierce devotion to his craft, his rigorous intellectuality that does a bad job hiding an animalistic sexuality. Both men contained so much and no one can handle a man like that besides a mystical siren like Iman.

Hugh and Ewan’s chatter dies as their drinks empty. “If I were to be honest with myself…” Hugh begins. “Better later than never…” Michael Cain interrupts without cracking a smile, a dryness a la Maggie Smith. In fact, fuck, this was Maggie Smith. No one had realized. Hugh winks at Michael/ Maggie and continues. “ I don’t think were going to be filming any time soon, folks. I think we are being held hostage a bit by Miss Coppola.” Ewan stares off with a thinking face like no one has ever had a deeper thought before. “That is interesting to think about. There is some kind of bratty assumption that all this will fade away soon enough. And we’ll be back on set. But what if it’s not for another year or so?” Ewan is really getting worked up “What if we live here for the rest of our lives!!” His eyes are big and dazzling, it’s like he’s thinking of the most ideal outcome for the rest of his life.

Suddenly, Sophia joins them at the table. “There they are, my little hunchbacks!” This is what Sophia affectionately calls her actors, the origin is unknown. Sophia has a strange new confidence around her. Usually, when she walked into places, she would feel like a Nat Sherman cigarette, like only some select tall New Yorkers in the back would still appreciate her. “Hello, love! Someone slept well.” Maggie Smith as Michael Caine chirped. Even when Maggie-Michael said something sweet, it still felt like someone was aggressively tickling your ribcage.

“I have news.” Sophia sits down, and smiled large and toothy, a stark contrast to her usual chic, despondent stare, a look only afforded to artists born with trust funds. “We’re not making the movie.” Hugh taps the table. “Well, I believe I won that bet.” Ewan’s jaw drops, destroyed. “You mean we cant live here together forever?” He runs his hands through his hair, petrified. Iman is quiet, which can mean many different things and all things at once, she is eternally the glory of God, a forgotten pyramid at the bottom of the ocean that if unearthed would explode us into 5D ascension.

“We are making a better movie! A super hero movie!!” Sophia exclaims. Sophia gets up close in the faces of her cast, pitching them on her new idea. “It’ll be a real heroes journey- good guys versus evil! Fun CGI! Sexy starlets and fun on trend jokes!” She turns to Michael Maggie, her mouth inches away from their milky eye, and says- “And much much more!” Sophia climbs up on the table now. “The adults will love it, as well as the little ones!” She does an Irish jig and starts spinning around and then poses with her arms up as though at the end of a musical. It was not fun to watch. Iman cuts her off-“I don’t trust what is happening.This is not reality. This is delusion. A karmic spell.” The power of Iman’s words blows the power out of the Chateau, pipes burst, the fire alarm goes off, and Joel Madden of Good Charlotte in room 304 stops jerking off for a second. Sophia is still catching her breath from her presentation, her sweating, arms stretched to the ceiling. She gulps as her eyes meet Iman’s. “Why don’t you just write from my character’s point of view?” Iman says as softly as she can without causing chaos. Sophia freezes. Her whole body calcifies and turns to ice, then crumbles onto the table. Ewan and Hugh watch in absolute horror as Iman drops some of the ice into her water. She knows she shouldn’t have said yes to this project and looks on lovingly at Michael/ Maggie who has dozed off.

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always-against-the-grain · 5 years

Text

party favor

Summary: Teasing Negan has its consequences. Continuation of summmertime high

Pairing: AU Negan x reader (female, named Eddie)

Tags: AU Negan, Negan smut, Negan x reader, rough-ish smut

About an hour had passed since you spoke to Negan by the appetizer table, and you couldn’t stop replaying his words in your head: “Or maybe it’s my cum dripping down your legs”

There were brief moments where you’d forget about him and this morning, but as soon as you’d catch eyes across the yard, it all came rushing back to you. How deep he had fucked you and how spilled inside you. Arousal bubbled inside you, snowballing with every cocky smile he gave you and lick of lips.

Negan had been hanging out with your father and other neighborhood dads all night, talking football and home projects. Though he made sure to lock eyes with you every now and then, causing you to miss far too many shots in your beer pong game.

Goddammit. You were frustrated how he had you twirled around his fingers from anywhere across the room. God, his fingers.

Towards the end of your game, you noticed Negan was isolated in the corner of the yard - a beer in his hand, smoking a cigarette. He usually wore a leather jacket, but due to the festivities, he went with a navy blue flannel, unbuttoned all the way - exposing one of his endless crisp white tees.

After losing the game and the twenty dollars you placed on it, you decided to confront him. You walked over with a masquerade of merely being a good hostess and saying hello.

“Hey Eddie, you building a house with all those bricks you were shooting?” He joked.

“Stop it,” you gritted out with a fake smile smeared across your face, acting like you were making small talk.

“Stop what hon?” Negan said playing dumb.

“You fucking know what,” you said softly, keeping your hostess act together.

“Am I making you soak through those tight jeans?” He knew exactly what he’d been doing all night.

Your heart rate skyrocketed. You were too easy for him, too fun to play with. You had had a mixture of sexual urges and irritability flowing through your blood, and you were desperate to make him feel the same way.

You did the only thing that could even the playing field. A quick peripheral sweep of your surroundings and you palmed Negan through the front of his pants, using your body to block the view of your hands of any wandering eyes.

“Jesus Christ Eddie” Negan was caught off guard, his body tensing.

He gently swatted your hand and stepped away, “Unless you want me to drag your ass upstairs I suggest you keep your hands to yourself.”

“You won’t,” you said boldly before taking a sip of your red solo cup, maintaining eye contact over the rim.

You causally pivoted away and walked inside, heading straight to the hallway bathroom. You were surprised at what you just did. You were a semi-reckless college kid, but not grab-my-hot-older-neighbors-dick reckless.

You splashed cold water on your face, trying to relax and calm yourself down. You stared at yourself in the mirror for a moment, chugged the remaining of your drink, and tossed it before stepping out.

“Were you rubbing one out in here?” Negan was leaned against the wall closest to the door.

He walked in, corralling you back into the bathroom and shut the door.

“Negan-“you started as you stepped backwards and saw him click the lock.

“Relax, everyone’s outside. Fireworks are about to start”

His hands went straight to your hips to pull you close to him, as his mouth began attacking yours. You lustfully kissed him back.

His hands roamed your sides and back under your red halter top. His ministrations included groping your ass before swiveling you to face the mirror. You extended your arms and braced yourself on the porcelain counter. His long arms and body caged you against the hard material, his center simultaneously rolling into you, trying to get more friction.

“You feel what your clever little hands do to me?” He breathed out while nibbling on your ear.

“Negan, my - ah fuck” you moaned out.

“- my folks. The party..” you backtracked, your common sense telling you this wasn’t a good idea.

He sucked lightly on your upper trap before planting kisses along your neck, instinctively you bent your neck over to the side to expose more of yourself to him. He stopped at the edge of your jaw and looked into your eyes through the mirror. His hazel colored orbs piercing your soul, flooding your gut and center with butterflies.

“Best keep it down then” His entire persona oozed dominance.

He found the front button of your jeans and undid them, pulling them down to half your thighs along with your thin undergarment.

He ran two fingers along your slit, playing with your juices vertically. His index finger magically strummed your clit, you wanted to spread your legs, but the fabric rolled at your thighs didn’t allow such movement.

“You really were gonna soak your pants there huh hon?”

“I mean, would you look at that” he removed his fingers and brought them to your field of vision.

You saw his shiny, glimmering fingers covered with your clear viscous fluids. He brought his fingers closer to your face.

He coated your lower lip with your juices, your tongue slipping out to draw them in. He gently shoved them into your mouth, scissoring your tongue while you suckled on them.

“Fuck, you’re a dirty girl. You like tasting yourself, doll?”

“Mmhmm” you affirmed with his digits in your mouth.

He slipped them out and cupped his hand under your chin.

“Spit” he ordered

You extracted as much saliva as you could and dripped it into his hand.

“Remember you gotta stay quiet” he reminded you as you heard his belt click followed by his zipper, and the faint gushing sounds of him lubricating his cock with your spit.

He held your hips in place with one hand while the other guided his member up and down your folds. He teasingly probed you with just the head several times before entering you completely with one smooth motion.

“Aghh” You moaned out. White knuckling the edge of the counter.

“What did I just say” Negan condemned you and immediately froze his motions.

He slowly exited halfway and pumped himself back in, to the hilt. Your thighs bound together by your waist of your jeans made you tighter for him. He slowly and deeply fucked you, feeling his tip tickle your cervix.

You continued to make audible moans. You couldn’t help it, his length, his girth, his angle. Him.

“You gotta keep it down hon,” Negan warned you

“Or am I gonna have to nuzzle you like the little whore you are?” His deep voice vibrating through your body.

Holy fuck. His words bringing you closer to your release. You were never spoken to like this, and you didn’t expect yourself to be into it.

He brought his hand to cover your mouth, his other arm wrapped tightly around your pelvis, and he shoved himself rougher into you.

Your sounds were effectively muffled by Negan’s large callused hands. He kept his hard and deep motions, he increased and decreased his speed, building your orgasm for release.

You tried to tell him you were close, but his palm blurred your words.

“Are you gonna come?”

You looked at him through your reflections and nodded.

He sped up, directing your release.

“That its doll. You’re gonna come around my cock, with everyone outside, your parents, your friends - they don’t know what a dirty girl you are.”

The coil in your stomach tightened, and you withered beneath him. He shimmed the hand that was wrapped around your hip and rubbed your clit instead.

You moaned louder into his hand, and you become undone, collapsing onto your elbows. Negan’s arms reflexively held you up.

Negan continued to fuck your limp body, chasing his release. He stifled his grunt into the crook of your next. His stubble lightly pricking your skin.

“Fuck” he whispered

He stayed inside you, emptying all of his milky seed until he softened. He pulled out and tucked his member back in and zipped himself up.

Negan only brought your underwear up to its original position. Leaving your pants pulled down.

Remaining on your elbows, he leaned over to whisper in your ear, his hand rubbing your center through the fabric, “Now, your gonna walk out of here with my spunk swimming in your panties.”

He turned around and wiped his forehead with the bathroom towel while you pulled your jeans up.

Before exiting, he cupped both sides of your jaw with his hands, looking into your eyes, “Next time you wanna pull some shit like that just know I’ll call your bluff. I’ve been fucking longer and harder than you sweetheart”

He leaned down to meet you for one final sloppy rough kiss. He left first closing the door behind him.

____________

You waited a few minutes before you exited the restroom. Luckily everyone was outside distracted by the fireworks. No one noticed your disappearance as you made it back by the end of the show.

Towards the end of the night, or the next day considering it was well past midnight, people dwindled out. You and your mother were in the kitchen wrapping leftovers while your father and Negan were in-and-out bringing in the ice chests to organize the next morning.

Negan walked toward the kitchen, and gave the island a soft slap, “Well, Frankie, I think Klaus and I are about done, is there anything else I can help with?”

“No, Negan, I think we’re all set. Thank you so much for your help, like always,” your mom answered.

“Like always, thank you for the hospitality” he smiled at your mom, and the instant she turned away he shot you a wink, causing you to drop the empty Tupperware in your hand.

Fuck. you thought to yourself frustrated and flustered once more

“You outta here Negan?” You’re dad asking walking in, closing the sliding door.

“Looks like, the missus says everything is square”

“Alright then,” your dad and Negan shook hands.

“Eddie, are you gonna say goodbye?” Your mom asked, a little embarrassed you forgot your manners.

“Oh. Shit. Yeah. Goodbye Negan, have a nice night, or morning? Yeah...” your voice awkwardly fading out.

“Thanks Ed. You too. And good luck with the whole senior year thing.” he smiled before making way toward the door, your dad walking him out.

Bastard

tagged accts:

@jamiekingofmen

#negan x oc #negan x reader #negan #negan smut #Negan's thirst squad

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voltagesmutter · 4 years

Text

Pirates In Love - Prologue

Own adaption of a prologue to PiL because I adore it so much and wanted to do something for the first voltage game I ever played.

The OC (Bella) is loosely based of Elizabeth Swan, because she is just a pure bad-ass and I LOVE HER. Also didn’t want the OC to be like the real one in the game because she’s such just too weak for this.

Smut, head-cannons and one shots to follow based of this prologue hence why I wanted to do it, also the characters names are off the English version, as this is the one I played!

Strong Language, Violence and derogatory terms towards the OC below the cut

“Eduardo I am not a child! Will you stop following me and let me do something by myself!”.

“Yourself? You make a mess wherever you go! You need someone to keep an eye on you”.

“I literally can’t do anything on this ship!” You huffed with laughter.

“Anytime I go to help, you or someone else swoops down to ‘protect me’, all I wanted to do was practice with a sword for five minutes in peace!”.

“Your too weak of a woman to handle a sword,” His words made your blood boiled

“I know how to handle a sword.” You yelled angrily.

“Kid you don’t have to impress me,” He smirked, fucking smug asshole.

“I am not a child! No-one of you knew how I was brought up or what exactly I am capable of! You all see me as this virginal innocent girl, that you don’t see me as the woman I am,” You sighed whilst shaking your head, your hands placed firmly on your waist.

“I see you as a woman,” He mumbles.

“Just shut up Ed, you made it very clear how you see me,” You pushed past him, purposely knocking yourself against his shoulder. You mumbled angrily under your breath as you stepped out on to the deck. Life on the Sirius was great, expect you can’t do anything, it was beyond frustrating. Every-time you did anything, someone was there watching you, these men really didn’t see you as the 22 year old woman you was. In fact as Ed had stated earlier, you was often referred to as ‘kid’, you was older than one of the crew members Thomas for god's sake. They saw you as feeble, weak, woman and it was tiring. You had skills, you knew how to fight, hell you’d been doing it since you was a child.

Growing up wasn’t easy for you after losing your parents due to a corrupt family burning down your house and stealing you away in order to raise you to be a bride for one of their sons. You was sheltered and cared for by an elderly nanny of the family who took pity on you and taught you how to fend and fight yourself, she had told you stories of what the family was like and how she refused to see them ruin and taint you. The day the Sirius and it’s crew fell into your life was the day you had retaliated against the family. They were forcing you to become engaged to their eldest son, a known womaniser and woman beater, as you had become legal age of marriage. Instead of being the ‘good submissive’ girl they had raised you as, you refuted and attacked, taking one of their priceless pistols and aiming it at them.

“Oh look she think she’s tough,” “Get her son, put that bitch back in her place,”. Their words are still fresh in your ears. As the brute of a son stepped towards you, you fired a warning shot with your trembling fingers, but it wasn’t until he pounced at you, you shot him. You don’t know where, you don’t know what happened after and you never want to find out. You ran and ran and ran, until your feet could run no more and hid in a barrel once you heard the navy sounding waves of alarm. That barrel ended up on the Sirius and long story short that's how you're here.

You loved the men on board, they were ‘barrels of laughs’ but you were tired of being treated like a weak girl, you were more than that. You pressed yourself against the ships side, letting the soothing ocean air hitting you face. You loved being on the water, it was peaceful, tranquil and safe, safer than you had ever been in your life.

Your eyes teared up slightly as you thought about what you had left behind, it was horrible life you had suffered. First watching your parents murdered before being ‘saved’ by the people who did it, being forced to grow up in a lifestyle to accommodate them and their wishes to be ‘the perfect bride’. When you was 17 you fell in love with one of the stable boys, very clique, and he loved you back. You both stole sweet moments together, making love under the stars or anywhere that was private, until one day your lover was caught and he was ripped away from your life. Another stable boy had reported the feelings of your lover to a high authority and not wanting the risk of anyone stealing or ruining you they had him removed. You never knew what happened to him, you prayed he was alive and well but that day was when your world went black and all you wanted to do was escape, waiting for the perfect opportunity.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a high pitched squeal.

“Pearl!” The recognisable voice of the man who was a true representation of a mentalist came running towards you from the side.

“Hello Alan,” You barely even turning to him. He did his usual grand gesture of bowing before taking your hand and kissing it.

“I’ve come to sweep you away from these evil men my pearl,” He grins like a child. You had to give it to him, he was persistent, this was the 5th time in two weeks he had come to rescue you. Even since your first encounter he became infatuated with you, determined to make you his and steal you away.

“Oh Alan, you truly know the way to a woman's heart,” You sigh before turning around, resting your back against the side, you propping your elbows up on to it.

“So you’ll come!” He yells with excitement.

“Sorry, not this time,” You sigh with a slight laugh as you watched him pout.

“Alan how did you even get on here, the Rika is miles away,” You question as you push yourself up and walk to the other-side of the boat. The deck was empty, hence why Alan had been on the ship for more than 30 seconds without being thrown overboard.

“The Rika is right there pearl,” He says pointing to it, it was docked behind the Sirius.

“Wait so who’s that then?” You ask, pointing to a ship which was gaining speed towards you.

“Shit, Alan move,” You yell and run to the mast, ringing the bell sharply. Come on lads where are you? No-one was coming and this ship was only a few knotts away from you, a rowdy bunch of men on the deck, with the boat currently anchored you were sitting ducks. Alan was slightly cowering, he lived up to his reputation of being a wuss.

“Give me that,” You yelled, taking the gun out of his holster but strapping it to the compartment on your garter. Since being on the ship you had to create your own clothes, luckily sewing was deemed as ‘quality wife’ material and you’d been forced to learn from an early age. With the odd scraps around the boat you had crafted a off the shoulder white puffed sleeved shirt, with a corset that settled neatly under your breasts, a pair of shorts to match that clung to your waist with a garter belt, somewhere for you to keep a weapon, not that you was given one. What? Who said pirates had to be unstylish? Taking a sword from the rack, you gripped it into your right hand.

“Guys! Anytime!” You yelled down the deck, you didn’t have time to run down the helm and alert everyone, that was the whole point of the bell they were clearly ignoring.

“Until next time my pearl!” Alan called out to you, somehow he managed to dash onto the Rika and it was already setting sail.

“Alan, you coward!” You screamed but it was no use, the Rika was fleeing, looks like its just you Bella.

The ship had fulled approached and the men grabbed onto ropes, swinging down onto the deck with a thud, a man in a similar attire to Morgans waltzed towards you, his eyes glistening.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here,” He asked intriguing, circling you like a shark.

“You must be the Sirius whore,” He spits and he grabs your chin forcefully.

“I am no ones whore!” You yell back, bashing against him to free yourself.

“Oh, now aren't we feisty, I bet your a delight to fuck,” His grip tightening on you, causing you to whine.

“Oh look lads, they even gave her a gun to play with, you know little girls shouldn’t play with weapons, unless its a cock,” He adds, howls of laughter coming from his men. You swap the sword in your hand behind your back and without thinking you brought your right hand up into a first and punched him straight in the nose, he feel back against the side, the cracking nose of his being broke rung through your ears.

“I am not a whore, I am no-ones fuck toy, I am not some god-damn damsel in distress who needs rescuing every five minutes,” You furiously yell, your body wracked with anger as you point the sword, pressing it against his bollocks, keeping him pinned against the side.

“Alright lass, calm down it was only some fun,” He pleads but you press the sword forward ever so slightly.

“Chose your next words carefully if you want to keep your cock,” You hiss, your eyes seeing red.

“Men back on the ship,” He swallows and you raise an eyebrow to him.

“Give me your gun,” You state.

“W-what,”.

“Give me your god-damn gun, or say goodbye to your pathetic excuse of a dick,” Your eyes widening. His hand shakes slightly as he reached for it, you quickly duck and roll away as he points it to where you once stood, in all honesty you saw that coming from a mile away. Taking the gun from your garter, you cock it before pointing it at him. Both of you standing opposite each other in a standoff.

“You’d make a brilliant addition to our crew lass,” He smirks.

“Not only would you keep my cock and bed warm, your fight in you would make it exceptional to tie down,” He adds. Not even taking a second, your finger pulled the trigger shooting him in his right shoulder and he curled in pain. Not taking any chance you lean forward and thump your, well Alan’s, pistol over his head, knocking him out stone cold. With a sigh you lean down and take his gun, glancing over it, it was blue with encrusted gems on it and it was yours. As you stand up you see the crew of the Sirius watching you and all that had just happened.

“Feel free to chip in at any time guys!” You yell, men who needs them, sometimes you have to be your own hero.

“Get him off here before I put a bullet through his head,” You hiss before shoving your way past the crew and down into the kitchen. You needed a drink, a really really stiff drink.

Is it a clique that the only drink on the boat apart from water is rum, stocks of it everywhere you looked. You propped yourself onto the kitchen counter, a bottle in your hand as you slugged away, you weren't that little girl who used to be. The girl who was too frightened to say a word, who was meek and obeyed every order, she was going to have a terrible life so in a way Sirius saved you and that's what you clung to being on this ship. Unable to sit there anymore and let your wallow away in pity of your former self you head back up the deck, hoping the ship had set course.

“Did you see how she punched him! I heard his bones break, it was kinda awesome,” Thomas was enthusiastically yelling, he was the definition of innocence.

“Yeah, I think she’s got a better aim than you Eduardo,” Russell chuckled but Eduardo did his usual scoff of disapproval.

“Hey there's our tough, mean, fighting machine,” Morgan yelled as he welcomed you onto the deck, the other ship had gone.

“You have some explaining to do,” Eduardo said with a stern look, this time it was you who scoffed.

“Like I said before I’m not some virgin princess who swoons at any man who rescues her, I know how to handle myself,” You reply before placing the bottle you were holding on the table.

“Well lass, were having a celebration tonight, like the night you first arrived, to celebrate the full moon so you will have plenty of time to tell us then,” Morgan laughed as he slapped his knee, he had to be the most joyful person you had met, he was the true definition of a pirate.

You helped set up the deck for the celebrations, barrels of rum being brought out and you found yourself being more chatty and open with the men. You got to learn a lot about them and vise versa, after seeing your reaction earlier no-one of them saw you as helpless child anymore. They respected you.

“Wait so you shot him? What happened next?” Nathan asked you, leaning forward over the table.

“I don’t know, I ran away and ended up on the ship,” You slurred slightly, the alcohol and the gentle sway of the ship hitting you. You began to laugh slightly.

“I shot two people, me,” You couldn’t help but giggle. You never could hold your alcohol, not especially compared to these men who were throwing it back like air.

“You're tougher than you look kid,” Eduardo smiles and wraps an over your shoulder, clearly he was drunk, the man never smiled.

“Never underestimate a woman!” You hiccuped with a slight blush.

“So let’s see the gun you stole,” Chris asks and you look at him slightly clueless.

“I threw it, I didn’t want anything from them, but you can look at this one,” You said handing him the gun from the man earlier.

“But I want it back! I also have Alan’s so don’t try to keep it,” You pouted watching him hold up the weapon to the light.

“It’s beautifully jewelled,” Russell exclaimed leaning over to admire it.

“But it’s miiiine,” You sang and took it back, securing it to your leg garter.

The night continued with laughter and stories and for the first time since you joined the Sirius, you was apart of the crew.

#pirates in love #voltage pirates in love #voltage inc #voltage fanfic #voltage romance games #voltage pil #pil #love 365 pil #love 365 pirates in love

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broadwaycutie16 · 4 years

Text

Meet the Addams: An Adrien Addams Fanfic

Based on @awholelotofladybug ‘s awesome AU! Check it out! I do not own MLB or the AU.

They're creepy and they're kooky

Mysterious and spooky

They're all together ooky

Adrien's family!

It was a typical day at Francios Dupont College. The students in Madame Bustier's class were gathering their belongings and supplies to begin the first lesson of the day. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the class representative, sat among her friends, chitchatting about trivial things.

All of the sudden, there came the sound of much squeaking and squealing coming from down the hallway that see,ed to grow louder and louder, accompanied by shrieks and screams of horror. Before any of the class could figure out what was going on, in swept Adrien Addams, the exchange student from America, pale blonde, and wearing black from head to toe. Under his feet was a hoard of wet, beady-eyed sewer rats, carrying him on their backs like a Greek God on a cloud. A very creepy Greek god, on a very creepy cloud.

Almost everyone in the room cried in terror, climbing on top of their seats and desks avoid making contacts with the rats, should the vermin choose to scatter around the floor of the classroom. Adrien stepped off the hoard of rats, as casually as stepping off the stairs. "Merci, my little friends. Au revoir!" And with a wave of his hand, Adrien sent the mice scurrying back towards wherever they had come from.

Adrien noticed the strange looks from his classmates. "What? I couldn't get any bats to bring me in. Daylight and all." Alya frowned heavily. "I know I've asked this a hundred times before, but...heck, I'll ask it again." She turned to Marinette. "Girl, what do you see in that guy?" Marinette sighed dreamily, like a fangirl sighing at the image of her teen idol. "I can't explain it, Alys. There's just got something about him that makes me swoon."

"Cara mia!" Adrien bounded up the steps to Marinette and took her by the hand, trailing kisses up her arm. "I come here with wonderful news!" Marinette smiled at yer boyfriend. "What is it, mon cher?" Adrien grinned. "As ypu know, I have been an exchange student here for many months. Sadly, that would make my time here temporary."

"Not temporary enough.", remarked a nasally, cynical voice. It came from none other than Chloe Bourgeois, the daughter of the Mayor of Paris. She couldn't stand Adrien Addams, and had made that clear from the day he showed up. Everything about him, from his pale skin and dark clothes to his passion for all things dark and spooky, gave her the creeps. She couldn't wait for him to go back to America and stop scaring her.

Adrien ignored her snide comment. "But no need to cry, my darling!", he cooed to Marinette. "I have spoken with my mother and father, and they tell me that instead of me returning to New York, the family shall instead join me in Paris, so that I may continue to study and mingle with all of you!"

There was a thump, and every head turned to where the noise had come from to see Chloe fallen on the floor on her side. She looked terrified. Her blue eyes had doubled in size, and one was twitching as she spoke, not daring to look anyone in the face. "Your...your family is moving here? To...To Paris?"

"Well, nothing's set in stone.", Adrien said. "They are still sort of on the fence about it. They first must find the right house before they even think moving the whole family here. Sadly, we can't find a company that can ship our beloved family home overseas. So they will only seriously consider the move if they find a house that meets our family standards. But I have high hopes."

"Oh, Adrien! That's wonderful!", exclaimed Marinette. "That means you'll get to stay here, right at my side." Adrien grabbed his girlfriend, brought her to her feet, and dipped her, before locking his lips with her own. Chloe watched the happy couple through glaring, narrowed eyes, growling under her breath, so that no one but herself heard, "Over my dead body."

--------------

"Yes, Mousier Addams.", said Mlle. Sophie Ranchi, filing through the documents, holding the phone against her ear by her shoulders to leave her hands free to sort. "I assure you, this is the best house on the market. Every family in Paris practically bidding on it." She paused and listened on the other end. "Oh, you want to see it first? I guess I understand that. I'll send you the address and meet you there for a tour first thing tomorrow morning. But you better be quick, before someone makes another offer."

She hung up, and kept shuffling through the documents. "They seem like lovely people.", she said to her assustant, Simon, as he handed her her morning coffee. "I hope they move in. But this is the last avaible house in Paris. If they don't snatch it up, I'm not sure how they can male the move." She started to sip her mocha as Simon tapped his chin and asked innocently, "What about that house up the hill? 29-16 Blacks Row?"

Sophie spit out her coffee in shock, then looked at him with wide eyes. "That old abandoned manor that's practically caving in on itself? Goodness, Simon, no! They'll never want that house! It looks like something out of a horror movie! Its even been rumored to be haunted! Almost everyone who's lived there has claimed to hear ghosts in the walls and eerie, unusual things happen in the empty rooms!"

She sighed as she set her coffee down. "I appreciate your input, Simon, but I gave up on that house a long time ago. No one's going to want to buy it. Heck, if I even try to sell it to the Addamses, I bet it would even dissuade them from moving here altogether!" Her alarm went off. "Time for my next showcase! Be a dear and send the address of the good house to Mousier Addams! His number's on the paper there!" And with that, she left the office.

Simon did as he was told and sent the right address to the number. "And...there!" He finished his work and quickly exited the office for his break. As soon as he closed the door behind him, two young ladies, one short with red hair and big glasses, the other blonde and menacing-looking, crawled out from under the desk.

"Come on, Sabrina! Before they get back!" The redhead sighed as she watched her friend/master sit in front of Sophie's computer and start typing on the keyboard. "Chloe, are you sure we should be doing this?" "Do you want Mousier, Dark and Spooky haunting our school until we graduate?", Chloe asked sarcastically as she typed up a new message to Mr. Addams.

Oops, wrong address. I really meant 29-16 Blacks Row. I promise, once you see it, you'll know whether or not you want to move to Paris.

With a scheming grin, Chloe then deleted the conversation so the miscommunication could not be corrected. "Its done." She rushed Sabrina out of the room, but stopped a moment to bask in her premature triumph. "Have a safe trip back to America, Addams." And she shut the door behind her and booked it out of there before she was caught.

--------------

Chloe sat proudly in her desk the next day in class, secure in her victory, confident that this would be Adrien Addams's last day at Francois Dupont College. Marinette walked into class, saw the look on Chloe's face, amd recognized it instantly. "Chloe! I know that smirk! What did you do?"

Every eye in the room turned to Chloe, who smiled devlishly at her schoolmates. "I pulled a string or two...to make sure Adrien's family went to see the wrong house to buy." "Huh?", came Nino's response. "I sent them the wrong address from their realtor.", the blonde explained. "To that creepy old house up on the hill! I heard Sophie say that seeing it might make them decide not to move at all!"

Marinette gasped. "But that would mean...Adrien would have to go back to America!" "Exactly!", Chloe scoffed haughtily. "Now I don't need to worry about that little freak invading my perfect world!" Marinette looked as if she did not know whether to yell at Chloe or cry for her beloved.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she was dipped by a pair of arms, a pair of lips pressed firmly against her own. Adrien pulled back with a wide grin. His romancing made Marinette forget her sorrows for a moment, forget that she would soon lose him forever, thanks to Chloe. "Well, someone's in a good mood."

"For good reason, my darling!", he said, pulling her back to her feet. "I come here with wonderful news! Mother and Father have found the perfect house to reside here in Paris!" Chloe jerked upright. "Wait, what?" Adrien nodded. "Yes! 29-16 Blacks Row!" Alya blinked. "The creepy old house on the hill! No one wants that house!"

"Its hideous!", cried Max. "Its horrible!", exclaimed Rose. "I heard that it's even haunted!", said Nathaniel with a shudder. Adrien faced them all with a beaming smile. "I know! Its almost as if it was made to be our home! Mother and Father adored it from first glance!" Everyone looked at Adrien like he was crazy. Then again, they all already sort of thought that.

Slowly, but surely, Marinette's lips formed a smile. "Wait...if your parents found a house, does that mean..." He faced her with a grin. "Oui, my darling! We shall remain together in Paris after all! My parents are in the principal's office right now, signing the paperwork to permanently enroll me in this school!" Marinette beamed from ear to ear. "Oh, Adrien! I'm so happy!" She boldly kissed him on the lips.

Ivan stood up. "Wait a minute...I don't wanna interrupt your moment, but let me get this straight...your parents actually liked the creepy house?" "Indeed, we did!", said someone with a thick Italian accent. Every head turned in the direction of the doorway. In stepped two people.

One was a man of short stature and roundish build. He wore a navy blue-and-white pinstriped suit, under a crisp white shirt with a red tie, with a tiny gold knife of some sort sliced through the material in the center. His black hair was parted in the center, his tiny mustache curling with his wide smile, that had something in it that sent chills up and down one's spine.

The other was a woman, tall and slender, so slender, in fact, that the outline of her skeleton could be seen poking from underneath her skin. And that skin! It was whiter than the first snow of winter. Her dress, clinging tightly to her body as if sucking on it, the neckline plummeting all the way just around her breasts, the skirt pooling around her feet, was as deadly black as her long, shiny raven tresses that flowed smoothly around her shoulders. Even her eyes and lips were as black as a starless night.

Adrien faced the two proudly, giving them firm hugs. He then faced his classmates, seemingly oblivious to their shellshocked expression. "Everyone! Meet my dear parents! Mousier and Madame Addams." Mousier Addams stepped up to Mme. Bustier with a creepy grin. The poor schoolteacher looked like she wasn't sure whether to cower or greet the man. Finally, she stuttered out, "Greetings. So...you're Adrien's father?"

"Gomez Addams, in the flesh, miss!", he confirmed, taking her by the hand shaking it with energy and enthusiasm. His voice was laced with a thick Italian accent. "I thought we could take the opportunity to meet all of Adrien's little friends!" He looked towards the second row. "Hark! What is that I see? In the pigtails? Is that the exquisite young lady who has stolen my boy's heart? Marinette!"

Marinette looked at Alya, uncertain how to react, until Madame Addams called to her, "Come on down, so we can properly meet the girl who has enchanted our dear son." Her tone was low, slow, and smooth, like she was trying to seduce everyone she spoke to. Marinette rose from her seat and walked down the steps in front of Mme. Addams, who examined her with a critical eye. Finally, she gave a firm nod and said, "You are quite an attractive young lady."

Marinette smiled, a little more at ease. "Merci becoup, Madame Addams." "Oh, darling,", said the woman, taking Marinette's hand in one of her own and giving it a gentle pat on the back with her free one. "You are dating my son. We're practically family now. No need for such formalities. Call me Morticia."

"Morticia?", piped up Juleka, giving the pale woman an odd look, glancing back and forth between her and Rose. "Your name is Morticia? Like...mortician?" "That is correct, dear." Marinette smiled. "Goodness, your...your hands are...very cold." "Super pale, black lips, cold hands...", Kim trailed off, then looked at Adrien. "Dude, is your mom dead? Like, the living dead?" Morticia smiled. "If only, child. If only."

She looked down at Marinette. "I heard you're quite smitten with my boy. He's told me all about you. Hoiw you followed him everywhere after you first met, how you kept his shedule in your own, how you plastered pictures of him all over your walls..." Marinette flushed in humiliation. "Madame, I can explain..." To her surprise, Morticia smiled at her. "Its utterly charming! Reminds me of how I acted when I first met my darling Gomez! You're a keeper!"

"Ah, yes!", exclaimed Gomez. "I remember when I first found out you were clipping off pieces of my hair to keep in a little box! How you planned to perform a voodoo ritual to make me lust after you." Morticia smiled as she went up to her husband. "Well, turns out there was no need." "Yes...", Gomez purred lovingly. "The moment I found your shrine with my toenail clippings that you had stolen from my home, I knew that you were the one for me."

"Did he say toenail clippings?", squeaked Mylene uncomfortably. Adrien nodded, seemingly unnerved by his parents' so-called "love story". Alya gaped at Gomez and Morticia, lost in each other's dark, soulless eyes, then looked back at Adrien, pointing to his mother and father. "These are your parents?" Adrien nodded again. Alya gave a deadpan look. "Well, there's that mystery solved."

"Hiya, kiddos!" In walked a tall, chubby man with a bald head and big nose, wearing a dark overcoat. His voice was squawky, like that of a parrot. "Ah! My brother, Fester!", announced Gomez. He walked over and threw an arm around his brother. "These are friends of Adrien's!" "Ooh, friends!", cried Fester. "I made some new friends in Paris, too! Look!"

He opened up his coat, and a huge murder of black ravens flew out, spreading their wings and flying towards the students, cawing and shrieking as the kids screamed in fright. One of them perched itself on top of Chloe's head, tangling it's talons in to her blond hair, and started pecking away at her forehead. "Aw, that means she likes you!", said Fester.

"That's my boy!" In walked a short, fat woman, with sickly yellow skin and mismatched eyes. The right one was a normal dark brown, while the other one was translucent, like it was blind. Her mud-brown clothes were ragged and tattered, her gray-white hair was a tangled, matted mess all around her shoulders, and her strange beaded necklace jangled around her thick neck, shining like the sweat on her long, witch-like nose.

"Mama!", cried Fester. "Everyone, meet Grandma Addams!", Gomez declared, gesturing towards his mother. "The heart and soul of our family." "Grandma,", said Morticia. "Come meet Marinette. Adrien's girlfriend." "Ah, yes!", cried Grandma, in her thick Italian accent, identical to Gomez's. "The future Mrs. Adrien Addams!" Marinette blushed deeply at that.

Grandma hobbled over to the teenage girl and looked closely at her slender figure. "Oooh, but she's awfully skinny! No good for popping out babies!" Marinette's whole face turned red. Grandma reached into her floral carpet bafg and pulled out a covered plate. "I have the cure for that." She pulled back the tinfoil to reveal a pile of golden-brown cookies. "My speciality! One for each of you!"

"Sweet!", Nino said , grabbing one and taking a big bite. Kim and Max came over and took some, too. Max had an intriqued look on his face as he sampled the flavor. "Moist, chewy cookies...hint of dark chocolate..." He crunched his teeth on something. "There's something crunchy...can't place the flavor." "Me, neither.", said Nino. "Is it nougat? Peanut?" Grandma smiled. "Oh, those must be the beetles."

All at once, the boys stopped mid-chew to stare at Grandma with wide, hollow eyes. "Beetles?" Their eyes cast downwards to the little black chunks in the cookies that they had assumed were chocolate chips. Not that they were looking more closely, they could see the little legs and spots of blood from where they had been bitten.

All three bits screamed in horror and disgust, spitting the remains of cookie out of their mouth and wiping the crumbs from their tongues. Marinette noticed Grandma holding the plate out towards her with an expectant look. As politely as she could muster, she said, "Um...no, thank you, Madame. I...don't want to spoil my appetite for supper."

"Hello." Everyone jumped as they noticed how a little girl had mysteriously appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, at front of the classroom, wearing a blank resting face. She had on a dark-colored dress and pitch-black hair arranged in twin braids draped over her shoulders. "Wednesday! My little sister!", Adrien exclaimed fondly. He noticed the strange unknown object wrapped in a white shroud that she held in her arms. "And what do you have there?"

"I found it on the curb outside the school.", she said in a creepy monotone, like one of those eerie twin girls in The Shining movie. "It was run over. Squished beyond recognition." She turned to her mother. "Can I keep it?" The class looked disturbed. "Uh...what are you gonna do with roadkill?" Wednesday turned her emotionless gaze in his direction, and Nathaniel felt a chill go through him. "Bring him back to life." Nate gulped. "I'd ask how, but something tells me I don't wanna know."

Marinette approached the little girl. "Bonjour. My name's Marinette." She touched one of Wednesday's braids, noticing how the ends had been tied into slim loops. "I like what you've done with your hair." "Thank you.", said Wednesday, monotone still in tact. "I drew inspiration for the style from the nooses they used to hang people for witchcraft in the seventeenth century." A disturbed expression flashed across Marinette's face, but she quickly replaced it with an anxious smile. "Oh...that's so...creative. Never would have thought of that. How original."

"Now, Wednesday,", tsked Morticia. "We already have a pet. Remember? Kitty?" "Oh, did you bring Kitty to Paris, Mother?", asked Adrien giddily, like a child getting a puppy for Christmas. "Indeed!", said Gomez pulling out his phone. "If you want to talk to him, I have his intercom." He dialed a number. "Kitty! Adrien's here!" Adrien took the phone from his father and put it on speaker. "How is our little sweetums?"

Seconds later, the room was filled with the sound of a wild roar, the ferocious sound echoing off the walls and sending almost everyone into shock. Everyone who wasn't an Addams looked stunned. "Was that a lion?", asked Nino. Adrien nodded. "I know that roar! He missed me! Don't worry, I'll see you soon, Kitty." As soon as he hung up the phone, there was a BOOM coming from down the hall.

Everyone went running to the source to see smoke wafting from the science laboratory. The door had been blown clean off, the wood black and burnt in most places. Seconds later, Mlle. Mendelivez staggered out if the smog, her purple hair and white lab coat singed, her face covered in ash, her glasses cracked and broken over her wide, terrified eyes.

Seconds after that, out walked a pudgy little boy, as casually as could be, wearing a red-and-white striped short and little black shorts, the space around his bellybutton exposed. He slipped his goggles over his hair, atop his short blond hair, and looked up at the science teacher with dark, devilishly-gleeful eyes with dark bags underneath. "Nice workin' with ya, lady."

"Pugsly!" The boy looked in the direction of his family. "What did your father and I say about blowing things up for fun?", asked Morticia sternly. Pugsly sighed. "Only do it at home." "Exactly!", said Gomez sharply, earning him strange and surprised looks from the others. "Sorry, Pop.", said Pugsly. "This ol' hag didn't believe I could make a grenade from some hay, carbon monoxide, and an old thermos. I had to put her in her place." Gomez looked at the principal. "We shall cover the damages." Poor Damocles was in such a state of shock, he could only nod as his mouth hung open, still gaping at the scene.

"Eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhh!" All heads turned to the school entrance. Students and teachers screamed in terror, scattering away like frightened chickens from the ten-foot-tall, sickly-green-skinned man stomping slowly through the doorway. He had a dead face on, bolts on his neck, and staggered with each step like a zombie. He looked , sounded and acted like he had stepped right from the pages of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.

Before anyone could really panic, a young woman walked to his side. Unlike the last few people who had appeared, she looked completely normal. No ghostly pale skin, no scars, no bald spots, no extra limbs, nothing strange about her at all. Just an average middle-aged woman wearing glasses, her dark hair pulled back into a bun with one strand of her bangs dyed bright red. "Lurch says its time to go. We still need to enroll Wednesday and Pugsly at their respective schools."

"Oh, of course!", exclaimed Gomez, heading towards the stairs. "Family! We must be off!" Morticia kissed Adrien on the head before following her husband. "Supper is at six, my little tarantula. We're having your favorite. Black beans and brew." Alix gave her a funny look. "Uh...don't you mean beans and stew?" Morticia shook her head. "No. We're having witches' brew. We found the perfect coven to get it from, right here in France."

The entire class watched as Adrien watched goodbye to his creepy, kooky, mysterious, spooky, all-together ooky family as they slithered away like a nest of slippery snakes out the doorway of the school. Chloe frowned deeply. Her plan to send Adrien packing had backfired spectacularly. Now she would have to out up with not only him, but his insane family as well.

Marinette tried to lighten her friends' spooked moods with a nervous laugh. "Well...they seem nice. In their own way." Nino smirked. "One thing's for sure. Now that the whole Addams clan is on the scene, things are gonna be a whole lot more interestin'!"

So grab a witch's shawl on,

A broomstick you can crawl on,

Its time to pay a call on

Adrien's family!

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