#hES BEING DISTANT AND I CAN'T FIX IT ThROUGh SEX BECAUSE OF ThIS

[actuallysuffering]

I need my period to stop so my boyfriend can have sex with me so he won't hate me

#personal #hES BEING DISTANT AND I CAN'T FIX IT ThROUGh SEX BECAUSE OF ThIS #so I'm fucking panicking bc I can't do anything for him or have control in this situation #and maybe I shouldnt' have sex if I don't want to just to make him happy but #god I need to shoot my uterus

[gojonanami]

IT'S A NEED - CHOSO KAMO

✴︎ summary: after you take an attack meant for him, choso can't seem to understand why -- so you show him just how important he is to you. ✴︎ contents: 18+ only, angst then smut, choso is confused about human emotions, he doesn't know if he deserves love, making out, groping, sex (p in v), handjob (f! + m! receiving), semi-public sex (sort of), pet names (love, pretty, lovely) ✴︎ wc: 1,965

“Why did you take that hit for me?” his words come out in a hiss, a rush of breath that he forces out between gritted teeth, as if he was both afraid to ask and afraid not to, “it was foolish, it was unnecessary—” 

You blow out a sigh between your pursed lips, as you rest against a damp sheet against cold concrete of a corner of Shibuya that currently wasn’t under attack — the not too distant groans of other injured not too far, but far enough for your privacy, “You know why I did it, so why are you asking that, when you mean to ask something else?” 

And you knew him — knew him a little too well for someone who only had known him a few weeks now? Is that how long it had been since he had joined up with sorcerers? Switched sides to protect his little brother — and somehow, he ended up here — sitting next to you instead of him. Yuji could handle himself — he had faith in his brother — and he knew you could too. A skilled sorcerer — he saw your skill firsthand from a distance during the fights in shibuya, and then up close when you nearly caved his head in when you found out how he almost killed Yuji. 

Is that when he first started to like you? 

He didn’t know. 

Could he even have such emotions? He had never known any sort of love, except for that of his brothers. But that was natural? To care for his family, to watch after them, to protect them, to avenge them. And anything that helped him achieve that goal, was worth it was it not? Even if it came at the cost of a different life, right? His eyes slid to you again, so why did it huqrt so much when he saw you crumpled on the ground, blood pooling on the cement around your abdomen, the same blood he didn’t think twice about when it spilled from other humans or sorcerers alike. Now, it was different. 

He was different — maybe you were, to him. 

 “What question am I asking then?” he finally asks, as you only sigh again, eyes fluttering open to look at him with that same gaze that felt as if you were looking right through him. 

“You’re asking me why I thought you were worthy of being saved in the first place?” and his mouth parts — words ringing in his ear. 

It was true — he was a cursed womb — a mixture of curse and human blood that never was supposed to exist in the first place, a thing that has no other purpose in this world, aside from his brothers. And especially after the things he’s done, the people he’s killed, the harm he’s caused, and even the body he walks in now isn’t his own, but a person killed for his gain — how was he worthy of saving? How was he worthy of the risk of your life? 

“And what’s your answer?” he asks, his voice growing raw, as he can’t bear to look at you, his gaze fixed on his lap, and he doesn’t see you push yourself up, sitting, as you stare at him, lips curling in a small smile, as you leaned over, fingers brushing against his cheek, that finally pull his gaze back to you. 

“Because you’re Choso, because you deserve to be saved, you deserve the same kindness you’ve given to us,” your fingers are so gentle against him, had he ever been touched so gently before? His eyes almost feel the urge to shut, and just indulge in the feeling of your skin against his, “you didn’t ask to be here, you were manipulated, you were controlled, and you were forced to be a pawn,” 

“But that doesn’t change—” 

“It doesn’t change the hurt you caused, no, but that’s not who you are now,” you force him to meet your gaze, lips curled in a smile, “and who are now is definitely worth saving,” 

“But why?” he still doesn’t understand, he still doesn’t see his worth, and you give your third sigh, before your other hand finds his shoulder, pulling him closer, a breath away. 

“Do I have to spell it out for you, Choso?” your words warm his lips, and send warmth to the tips of his fingers, warmth he hadn’t known since he had been forced to come back. And all he can feel is your hands against him, all he can see are your eyes gazing at him the way he thought anyone would, and all he can think about is when your lips are finally going to touch his, “because I think I can only show you now,” and your thumb finds his lips, dragging down the bottom one, “would you want that?” 

And his eyes flutter, a sharp intake of breath when your finger touches his lips, “I don’t think I’d like anything more,” he whispers, his eyes falling to your lips, as you lean forward. 

Your lips brush his, featherlight, as if you worry he’d recoil, he’d run, he’d leave, but he does none of those things. Your lips part from his and he’s staring, as you do, before his lips seek yours again. And this time, he’s sure. 

His lips surge against yours, as you melt into his touch, as gentle as can be — those same hands used to slaughter, now grazing your sides as if you’d break apart in his hands. And he didn’t care if the world was falling apart — and it was all around you both — if he could have this moment with you, maybe it’d be worth it. 

“What is this hold you have over me?” He murmurs, and you’re pulling him closer to your tattered blanket against the concrete, fingers running through his hair making him shiver, “you touch me and I can’t think straight, I can’t—“ 

“Then don’t,” you murmur, your lips pressing butterfly kisses to his jaw, “give in, let me love you,” 

And he does, relinquishing his thoughts and worries in exchange for your touch, and his hands find your waist, as you move slowly, climbing into his lap, making him grunt, before concern flickers across his features. 

“Your injuries—“ he starts, but your lips brush against his ear, lips curved against the soft flesh. 

“Are not as serious as how much I want you right now,” your words send a shiver down his spine, as your lips find his again, and you swallow his groan with pleasure. Your tongue parts his lips, as you taste him, fingers carding through his jet-black locks, fingers pulling at the ties in his hair, pulling them around your wrists, “I’ll keep them safe,” you tease, you tug teasingly at his hair making him gasp. 

You’re pulling moans and whines from his lips, as you part from him for a moment, breaths coming as pants, as you press your forehead to his, taking in his now kiss ruined lips and violet irises glazed with lust, “so pretty,” you coo, “too pretty, Choso, how am I supposed to resist?” 

And your fingers find their way to his belt, pausing, “is this okay?” Your hand cups his cheek, thumb brushing the length, and he’s nodding wordlessly, as his fingers find yours, undoing his belt and letting his robe fall open. 

Your breath catches as you see him, your fingers dragging over his bare chest and abs, your eyes finding your way to his cock — it was so pretty, long and thick with a pretty pearl of precum. And your gaze is hot, hypnotized, “all this f’me?” You murmur, making him swallow, and then gasp as your fingers trace the vein running up the side. Your lips curl, “oh we’re just getting started, baby,” 

Your fingers curl around his cock, your thumb rubbing against his slit, making him hiss, “I—“ his hips stutter against you, bumping against your damp shorts, making you groan. And he was so good in your hand, how good would he feel inside?

No, not yet, you wanted to make him feel good first. 

“It’s okay, just breath,” your fingers tease his head, smiling as his head lolls back, and your hand begins to stroke him, spreading the precum along his length, “I got you, let me make you feel good,” 

And your hand squeezes at the base, and he’s groaning your name, like a curse, as your other hand teases his balls, before you’re slipping off his lap, pressing his tip against your lips, painting them with his precum.

“You taste so good, Choso,” you lick your lips clean of him, tasting his salty precum. 

“Please, love,” he’s murmuring, a whine in his throat, his fingers pulling at your clothes, “I want you—I want you to feel good too,” 

And you smile, guiding his hands to your shorts, “Are you sure?” You murmur, kissing his neck, “we don’t-“ 

He’s pulling your shorts off, as he’s lowering you onto the sheet gently, tugging them off, his calloused palms parting your soft thighs. And his gaze darkens, half lidded with lust, “You’re lovely,” his fingers brush against your soaked folds, thumb pressing against your puffy clit, making you gasp, “you like that?” He hums. 

And he’s leaning down, his lips brushing against your inner thigh, “Choso, please—“ and his breath warms your cunt, pressing a kiss to your dripping pussy, drawing a gasp from your lips, “I need you—“ 

“What do you need, pretty?” His velvet words are thick and slow like molasses, settling warm heat over your skin, as his hands draw up your thighs around his waist, “do you want my hands? My lips?” 

And your hips roll against him, his tip bumping against your cunt, “what do you think?” And he’s hissing, before he’s grasping as his dick, teasing you with his head, “fuuuck, Choso,” 

“Not so loud,” he murmurs, “someone could hear us, see you all spread out for me, and this view is just for me, lovely,” and his cock is parting your folds, both moaning in synchrony, your walls fluttering around him, “so tight, pretty, so fucking wet,” 

You think he’s even prettier, brow furrowed and forehead slick with sweat, kiss bitten lips parted in a pant, and his violet eyes fluttering. And he’s bottoming out in you, his hips pressed against you, “so good, so perfect,” he’s murmuring, and he’s pulling out only to thrust back in. His strokes are languid at first, before he’s fucking you in earnest, hips snapping against yours, “. 

“Choso, fuck, please, I’m close—“ your back is arching against him, and his lips find yours again in a searing kiss, as his fingers reach down between the two of you, and press against your clit, just as his hips piston into you just right with deep long strokes, until your walls are clamping down. He doesn’t last much longer, his hips stuttering against you, until he’s moaning, his hot load painting your walls white, as he fucks his cum into you. 

And he’s panting above you, as you pull him into a sloppy kiss, pulling him beside you, as he slips out of you, making you whine at the emptiness.

“Don’t think that was part of Shoko’s instructions for recovery,” you murmur against his lips, as you grin, “but it was definitely needed,” 

His lips curl, as he’s pressing kisses along your jaw, “So you need me, huh?” and the question fills him with warmth, just as you have, a sort of purpose he had never had, aside from his family — a want for him that he had never thought he’d be lucky enough to have. 

And you only smile, pulling him into another kiss, “Why else do you think I took that hit for you?” 

✴︎ a/n: new episode did something to me. i have a longer fic planned for choso, but this will have to do for today :). yes i'm posting this in the middle of the night, sue me.

✴︎ tag list: @kakashineedstotouchgrass, @kemitoi, @thecooldino, @moonnime, @bontensbabygirl, @wretchedinfinity, @lemonpoppy-seed, @ichikanu, @snowscaping, @kamikokii, @fwankieero, @ssaraexposs, @astridyoo15, @cascading-escapist, @sniffsnoffsniff, @raddiplomatshepherdhero, @nverwashere, @n00v4, @unohanaswetdream, @staygoldsquatchling02, @anime9ja,

#sab [mlist] #choso x reader #choso kamo x reader #choso kamo smut #choso kamo #choso #choso x you #choso kamo x you #choso smut #jjk choso #jjk smut #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #jujutsu kaisen x reader #choso jjk #kamo choso

[poppy-metal]

listen. i’m blowing up your inbox and im sorry but i’m a wreck. TALK TO ME AB THE EMOTIONAL I NEED YOU SEX.

eddie’s passionate, and that definitely extends to sex, but you both are so overcome with love and gratitude that you’re both there and okay, and you’re being so gentle with him he wants to cry because he loves you so much. yall figure out why they call it “making love” that night

I was made for loving you.

a/n: this is my fix it fic. my comfort. my delusion.

cw: past fwb eddie x reader. feelings. reader is bad at them. soft sex. soft dom!eddie

why does the term 'making love' warm me up on the inside? i am disgusting.

thinking of being in a fwb situation with him before you went and saved the world together. you'd always kept him at arms length, he's just a punk and you did ballet type shit. but stumbling into your big empty house, dirty and grimy and sweaty, you don't seem that far apart. from that different of worlds.

he'd almost died. you'd had that second of bone chilling fear deep in your gut when the bats had taken him down. the screams you let out had your throat still feeling raw. you hadn't let go of his hand the whole ride home. the whole time he was being attended to. you hadn't spoken much.

you're still silent now, nawing on your bottom lip as you let him use your shower. the distant sound of the water fills your room and you can't handle it anymore. the distance. the being away from him.

he jumps, predictable and dramatic, when you open your bathroom door. he's got the shower running but he'd been sitting on the closed lid of the toliet, scrubbing his hands down his face, still fully clothed.

"jesus." he says, startled. he runs a hand through his bangs, making them stick up. "ever heard of knocking? what I'd been indecent?"

you come to him, knowing he's deflecting. "seen you naked before, munson."

he looks down at his hands on his lap. bites his bottom lip. "right."

you kneel down in front of him and put your hands on his knees, looking up at him. he has such big eyes. expressive. they can't hide anything from you. right now you can tell he's still terrified.

"you almost died, eddie."

you see his throat work around a swallow. his knee under your palm starts to shake a little. bobbing up and down. "i know. yeah i-" he takes a breath. closes his eyes and then opens them again. they look wet. "i know."

you grip him a little hard. your bottom lip trembles. "i almost lost you."

he smiles then. its a crooked, half little smile if a bit wobbly. "can't get rid of me that easily, sweetheart."

you know he uses jokes like this, his sarcasm, as a defense. usually you roll your eyes at it, let it roll off your shoulders like water and maybe say something biting back, even if you don't mean it. you can't find it in you to joke right now.

"I don't want to get rid of you." you say, completely serious. "eddie, you know that right? you know that i- that you-"

he looks at you. his eyes are that intense kind of dark they get before he kisses you. when he knows you're bluffing when you say something casual. like he can see inside you so easily. like its nothing. it never fails to make you feel stripped bare. naked.

"that you what?" his voice is soft. testing. his hands cover yours on his thighs, thumbs stroking over your knuckles.

you'd kiss him now usually. to avoid the truth of your feelings. to cover up, at least metaphorically, how naked he made you feel.

you swallow and instead of covering up, you stand slowly. his eyes track the movement until he's staring up at you, wide eyes framed by pretty lashes.

"that i need you." you say, simply. and then you're raising your hands to unbutton your tattered blouse. your hands trembling.

you've undressed in front of him more times then you can count, had him undress you. this is different. this means something. this is you letting him in.

he watches you, entranced. he always looks so worshipful. before you'd always dug your nails into his back to avoid those looks, dug your heels into his ass and taunted him in some way to make him fuck you hard not gentle.

gentle was what people who felt for eachother did. gentle was making love. gentle was being in love.

when you step out of your panties you're already slick between your legs. but you ignore that for now and reach for him. you want him bare too. you want nothing between you, nothing but skin and bones and flesh and aliveness. hes alive. hes okay. hes here.

"wanna feel you." you say, almost pleadingly as you guide him to stand. he's taller than you, your nose at his shoulders. your fingers delve into his jacket, sliding it off his shoulders. "need to- need to know you're okay. is that- is that okay?"

you'd never asked something like that before. but you genuinely want to know. maybe this isn't what he needs right now.

you hear his shaky inhale and then his hands are helping you, shaking just as much as yours to divest him of his clothes. you swallow when he steps out of his jeans. his body is beautiful. a work of art. pale and lean. your hand pets through the hair trailing down his navel, marveling at how his stomach flexea under your touch.

"i need" he stops and then starts again. "i need you too. so much. you don't know how much i do."

you peer up at him and let yourself smile as your hand reaches down to lightly grip the hard flesh between his thighs. his eyes flutter when your palm envelopes his velvety cock. stroking it once. "show me?"

when he looks at you, he looks pained. "I don't know if i can pretend I'm not fucking in love with you tonight, baby. i can't- i can't just fuck you like you weren't the last thing i saw before i thought i was gonna kick it."

you feel your chest crack open. you regret so much of your past. so much time spent pushing this beautiful boy away when you should have been pulling him closer. so much closer. letting him love you.

"i don't want to pretend anymore, eddie." you lean up on your tip toes to brush your lips against his. "make love to me."

he lets out a broken sound. a whimper almost, and then he's kissing you. hard at first and then gentle. his hands cup your face. tongue flicking against yours, melting into your mouth. "let me clean you up first, yeah? think we both need to not smell like sewage."

and you do. let him. and he lets you. you step into the lukewarm shower together and its the most intimate you've ever been with eachother. wandering hands gliding over wet skin, fingers massaging shampoo into hair. you hold eachother, chest to chest for awhile under the spray, fingers dancing between his shoulder blades as his stroke down your spine.

when you step out, you don't bother with towels, both needy now. you let him guide you back to your room, to your bed, where he lowers you down onto the soft plush of your bed.

"so pretty." he says against your stomach, kissing his way down. "you've got such a beautiful body. know you don't like me spending too much time on it- but god. that's all i want to do. take my time with you. love every inch of you with my mouth."

he kisses your pubic bone and you close your eyes. "let me?"

you spread your legs in response.

his mouth between your legs is wet and slippery. your cunt is a wet and open gash between your legs, weeping its blood, your slick, into his licking mouth. he's gentle, flicking your engorged clit with the slick muscle before gently wrapping his mouth around it.

one of his hands glides up the bed and you immediately let him enterlace your fingers, gripping onto him hard as he eats you out impossibly slow. he's looking up at you as he does, and you widen your legs as far as they'll go for him, feel the lips of your sex part under the insistent pressure of his lips and tongue.

you don't look away, holding his hand as you look down at him licking between your folds, delving his tongue deep between them. your mouth drops when he pushes it against your hole, trembling when he starts to lick it inside you. deep and broad strokes.

"eddie, i-" you can't finish the sentence, overwhelmed.

he comes up, his mouth wet and red from your juices and you feel the cool metal of his guitar pick necklace glide between your breasts as he lowers himself on top of you, melding your bodies.

he sees your eyes on the necklace and his shoulders are hitching in the next moment, as he distangles it from around his neck and through the mess of his hair.

you hold your breath, tears pricking as he places it around your neck. fingering it where it rests in your clavicle. "you look good with a little me on you."

your eyes water and you don't try to push back the tears as you spread your thighs around his waist. lift your hips to aid his gentle rocking between your legs. "you've always been on me." you swallow. "in me. i-in my heart. always."

he rests his forehead against yours, both of you holding your breath as the spongy head of him prods at your entrance, gliding between the slick folds and pressing against that tiny hole. it opens for him, as always.

"fuck." he sighs as he slides in. slides home. your body welcoming his inside it easily. "you're imprinted on my f-fucking soul, honey. drove me crazy that i couldn't show it to you."

you grip his back, feeling the muscles flex with the movement of your bodies swaying on the mattress. you're meeting his thrusts, moving your body with his, toes curling at his sides where they dangle around his moving hips.

"never- never gonna push you away again." you gasp, overwhelmed. this feels so good. intense. "dont let me eddie- need you. need you so much."

he shakes his head, sweaty forhead against yours. he's pressed so close to you, you can feel the sticky sweat between your bodies making your skin slip and slide against eachother. your cunt is making wet sounds around his cock filling you over and over.

"not gonna let you." he moans against your mouth, kissing you hard. he's punching the breath out of your lungs with each thrust. "you're mine. you hear me? mine the second you locked eyes with me in homeroom, mine the minute you approached me after school behind the bleachers, mine the second you let me inside you, mine the second you stepped through that door and told me to make love to you."

"eddie." you whine and pant, gripping yourself to him tight. "eddie im gonna-"

"do it, baby." he looks between your moving bodies where his flesh is steadily meeting yours, watches his cock glide in and out. watches the shine of your need for him coat his cock when he slides out and grunts when he thrusts back home. "you cum on me you're not getting away from this, from us. the moment you wet my cock you're saying you're mine. no going back."

his lips mesh against the lobe of your ear, grinding his pelvis hard into yours. hes so fucking deep.

"so. fucking. do. it." each word punctuated with a deep thrust.

your world whites out as you cum around him, shaking and moaning and clinging onto him. its the biggest thing you've ever felt. your heart feels like it can't even contain all its feeling. Its too much.

"im yours." you cry out, soaking his cock. "im yours, im yours."

he's fucking you harder now, moving against you desperately as he chases his own pleasure. "yeah you are." he moans, his fingers looping through his necklace around your neck and pulling so your head it tugged forward until your foreheads are knocking. "about time you caught up."

when he cums, you both moan. the warm splash of it filling your milking walls. "god your pussy." he whines, "it was made for me."

you wrap your arms around him. both of you anchoring the other.

"i was made for loving you, I think."

#ask #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie spaghetti #stranger things x reader #stranger things season 4 spoilers #stranger things x you #eddie x reader

[who1ssheesh]

With every touch

Hot take: in contrary to a popular opinion, people do consider xanxus' scars ugly. not you though - with every touch you heal a broken man.

just a rambling about his scars without a plot idk

Warnings: kinda short but i put my soul in it; huge UNAPOLOGETIC OOC, i wanna see my man happy at least once; 100% wrong grammar, english is not my native; no beta we die like tyl tsuna

Note: they always portrait xanxus' scars as something hot, but there is probably a reason he doesn't like'em, huh? In short, not-so-popular opinion that people tend to be terrified of a huge man with ugly scars

Oh, that man...My battered, cruel man.

At first Xanxus was furious to even look at himself in the mirror. Every of them probably was shattered and he felt so too. Windows curtained, lights off - he avoided any possibility of seeing himself until Superbia had to beat some sense into his boss.

His father left him tainted, how could he? Always reminded being number two, number two, a nuisance, a mistake. A reminder of a ruined life that he can never fix.

Not only that, Xanxus started noticing that people...didn't like them, to say the least. Xanxus being Xanxus, he at some point likes it (coping? question mark?) since he enjoys to be feared and respected, you can't take that away from him, but he was still young and impressionable when he got them.

Like what, he got frozen at 16 and got rescued still having the same mentality? He was...not a child but not an adult either.

Civilians tend to side eye him. You don't have to be smart to know such scars are not an accident and he is not some fucking florist, y'know what I mean? It is a branding of a life he lives and the one that will kill him one day.

His whole body - and in every way too fucking visible place - deformed with the thick layer, it feels as if his skin was melting at some point. It's rough, harsh and bumpy to the touch but Xanxus couldn't give more shit since he can't even feel those.

He doesn't like to touch his face and not feel anything, cause scars are so fucking deep

And it is an ironic cycle - Xanxus gets angry at those scars, and they get bigger, and he gets even angrier-

He hates his father so much.

Oh yeah, for some reason we all consider Xanxus as a womanizer but hear me out he is very selective because he is proud to an unhealthy manner

He would fuck some annoying lesser boss' wife to humiliate him, fight me on this take

Probably tried to have several sugar babies and random one night stands

Tried

None of them mentioned it out loud but he could notice their...disgust? Xanxus would light like a match instantly - he is fucking Xanxus, how dare they?

how dare they remind him what a mistake he is?

Xanxus gets black-out drunk while cleaning his weapon way too much and considers this his life. Who needs feelings and others anyway?

His past shape him, so he will live at least out of spite. Every scar reminds him of why he was hated by a man he thought as a father - too furious, too dangerous, too ambitious.

So be it.

But then there is you...

Xanxus likes your cheeks. You could never tell that though, since he is very distant, but they are so...soft. Untouched. He will touch them rarely, covering with "you pig got some dirt on your face"

He will get furious if anyone dares to leave even the smallest scar on your body. And we're not talking about just angry but "blind rage" angry. He won't let you live through mafia experience the way he did. It can be even "ouch, he scratched me while trying to capture" - he doesn't care. Even this slight scar still has a memory of your capture left on you body

He knows you're strong even if you have never held a gun in your hand - that's why you're his in the first place. But man has some unresolved issues, m-kay?

But his hickeys and marks are okay. That little-little hypocrite.

They were left meaning his deepest emotions though, right?

The touch moment happens - surprise - not during sex. It's a random kiss in the cheek. It's when you cling to his arm as if it doesn't look like fresh from the meat grinder.

You touch his skin so softly as if this man is not forged through pain and blood

They say severe scar skin is so thick it cannot feel anything - and so thought Xanxus about himself - anymore, but why does he feel like he is burning every time you do that?

With every touch Xanxus melts

His past shapes him, he says. But doesn't define him, you add.

Every scar shows strength and is a reminder of how strong your man is. He is still here and - very gladly - keeps fighting (even when he shouldn't)

With every touch Xanxus melts until one day this huge man bends down to put his head on your shoulder, his scarred cheek touching yours.

He hugs you. And you kiss this very cheek, finding peace in his warmth and bitter - but oh so dear smell - of alcohol and gunpowder

#khr headcanons #khr imagines #khr x reader #varia x reader #xanxus x reader #xanxus khr #katekyo hitman reborn x reader

[imperial-agent]

Hello! I just completed the 5some scene witb Halsin and Astarion and I dont really have anyone to comment this with I hope you dont mind me dropping here real quick to say [SPOILERS]

So... he just dissociates no matter what? I completed Astarion's quest and I could swear that meant he wouldnt dissociate in the scene. But I think what bothers me the most isnt even the dissociating itself but the lack of response from the Player Character. I just LET him?? I dont comfort him, I dont stop the whole thing in its tracks??

And its the only way to get Halsin's backstory?? Am I doing something wrong? I feel so conflicted about the whole thing. Opinions? Thanks for reading this far if you have, sorry for any inconvenience!

I don't claim to be the best source on Astarion lore or on his storyline consistencies/inconsistencies since we're like a bitter divorced couple, I can't talk about him without getting slightly annoyed. But,

I got that exact same scene (5some) after Astarion's story conclusion. To me it makes sense that he's still distant - we fixed his Cazador situation but we didnt fix his sexual abuse issue because he never brought up the trauma. I'm assuming you didnt romance Astarion ang got this scene? For me, a non-Astarionmancer it made sense, since he never told me about his intimacy issues in the first place. But if that happened to you, and you romanced him, then I can still understand him being distant in that moment. He's not that into sex with other people and you just asked him to perform in front of 4 others. I can see how he would default to an auto-pilot. But that's assuming you did romance him. If you didn't then there's not much to be surprised about. He's tired of performing seduction.

To me, it's not that big of a deal that the PlayerCharacter doesn't respond to catching Astarion drift away. Without romancing him and learning about his baggage PC at best can only assume that Astarion is not into sex due to his past of sleeping with his victims and that possibly bringing up bad memories. Since the narraror line about him being distant during the encounter was only a brief mention (narrator mentions PC and Astarion catching eyes for a moment, any further descriptions of his performative behaviour are a general description of the scene since nothing is visible, not necessarly describing what the PC is seeing).

What! I! Fully! Agree! With! You! Is how Halsin's mega traumatic backstory is only ever accessible through a hidden option (i wouldn't even call it a mission, just a random NPC conversation) in Act 3. That conversation could have been naturally implemented into the (currently bare-bone) Halsin romance route. This is why I'm still screaming about letting the players have access to Halsin as a companion in Act 1 already, so that he can go with the PC to the Underdark. That could lead to him having some flashbacks to his time there, and perhaps slipping in some titbits during idk the exploration of the wizard tower in the underdark and him seeing the chain mounted to a wall and that bringing up some nasty memories?? Like the story writes itself, it's all there but I'm guessing the devs had better things to do then flesh out their fanservice and fan demands. Like adding Halsin as a romance options SHOULD HAVE BEEN a post release thing !!!

My opinions are more or less summed up here. It's ass that an abuse victim such as Astarion gets all the special treatment and a catharsis while Halsin, who also went through a traumatic experience doesn't. He actually laughs it off. But that's okay, people cope differently. So why not have us explore his backstory more? Well, it's crunch of course. The devs had no time to put love and care into Halsin even tho him being a romance option/companion (so those conversations about his past wouldn't come up) wasn't even on their initial goal list, just something a few discord people suggested.

I feel like the writers had too much on their plates and too little time to make sure inconsistencies in character motivations/ reactions, backstories don't occur. But we should all be happy Astarion got all the attention he deserved. Oh, you're saying there are other companions in this game too? Since when?

#im still thinking about that graph of the amount of content asta got #compared to plot relevant characters like wyll or even laezel and shart #i do wish for halsin to be more than just a bear druid stereotype but in his current state he's just that #i completely disagree with people seeing more in him than what's shown in the game. it's one thing to HC and think of possibilities #it's somethjing else to face reality and admith yeah there's not a lot to that guy compared to other NPCs #i'd argue a silly goose such as minsc (if you've no clue who he is bc you havent played previous baldur's gates) is more fleshed out #than halsin ever was #damn i can say more about zevlor than i can about halsin #there's just not much there to begin with ;//////// #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate #bg3 #halsin #astarion #yes i will remain highly critical of this game bc i really care about it!!! #personal #reply #//didnt proofread it fuck it we ball im stuck in traffic and its so bright i can barely see the screen anyways

[bengiyo]

Love Mate Eps 7 & 8 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Last week, Yi Jun and Ha Ram began pre-dating in earnest. Yi Jun wanted to see if he could properly care for someone again, so they slowed things down to get to know each other more. I loved it, because some relationships, especially gay ones, start physical and then the emotional work of getting to know the other gets skipped in lieu of sex. Yi Jun changed his entire project at work in light of his new relationship, but now it seems that the team wants to hire Yi Jun's cruel ex as the spokesperson and model for their project.

Episode 7

Ah, their first big difficulty. Yi Jun is pretending he's fine, but he's clearly not.

I don't like that knowing look DK gave Seo Yi Jun.

Work wife has a name! It's Jin Eun Sun.

This DK guy thinks he's slick, using his past history to sell his involvement and simultaneously trying to convince Yi Jun that he sees what he did to him now. I don't trust him.

I'll forgive Yi Jun for retreating into himself because he's just being distant, he still let Ha Ram hug him at work, and is considering telling Ha Ram what happened.

I'm mad at these flowers DK tried to give Yi Jun, because if he knew his tastes this well, and wanted to find him for three years, why would he break up in such a cruel way. It also looks like Yi Jun hasn't moved??

I liked the different levels of anger, offense, and disgust Cho Hyun Min conveyed as Yi Jun when DK was trying to lay on the charm. I like that DK is genuinely charming and laying it on thick, because that's how Ha Ram started as well. I like when a show adds context to earlier reticence by having an ex show up and use similar behaviors.

Okay, letting Ha Ram fall behind in the frame was a clever way to highlight the growing distance between them right as they get into a small fight about this. Ha Ram is not going to reveal that he already knows, and Yi Jun is rebuilding the original walls he had.

You better come through, Writer Jin Eun Sun!! She's the only one Ha Ram could talk to, and she said you better talk to your man! Someone get her a plate!

This studio knows how to use their limited time well. Having DK try to show that he's done the emotional work on himself by detailing all the ways Yi Jun took care of him works so well. We get to feel aghast as the cruel way he ended things with all of these reveals, and it cleverly places us with Ha Ram right after when DK seemingly won't take no for an answer.

OOO, classic yaoi framing. Putting Yi Jun between the two guys pursuing him as the final shot was a great choice.

Episode 8

He's his lover! Claim it!

Choosing neither of them is in line with Yi Jun, unfortunately. The writing is top-notch on this show. He tells DK he owes him nothing, and chides Ha Ram for being rude, before dismissing both of them.

That was an incredible break up scene. These are almost never good, but Yi Jun wanting to quit because he felt embarrassed by both guys pursuing him makes so much sense. His feelings for Ha Ram are new, and I totally get him backing off after being made to feel like a damsel or prize. Cooking a relationship because you feel like you can't commit to it is the choice we say people should make sometimes, so I'm excited to see how Yi Jun turns this around for himself.

Choosing DK is probably the right choice professionally, but it comes at the cost of connection. They're making a project about love and connection, so I doubt this will work.

Oh, I'm really glad Ha Ram and Yi Jun heard DK's conversation. We don't have enough time for just Ha Ram to know. Unfortunately, Yi Jun is just going to take it.

I do like that their manager worried about Seo Yi Jun when he didn't show up to work, knowing that was unusual.

I like Ha Ram a lot. You can't fix people's problems all the time, but you can love them even when they're being a bit mean to you until they find themselves again. "If it's hard to do this alone, I'll stay with you."

When Ha Ram said, "Expressing and receiving emotions is difficult for me, too," it made me think about the aggressive use of tropes earlier. We love tropes, because they're a way for us to understand the characters and their intentions. We like the ritualistic nature of them, but they don't always work because they're not always aligned with what the characters or even the audience wants out of the story. Yet we use them still, because we understand what they're trying to convey.

I don't think either of them is awful, but I like them giving themselves permission to make mistakes with each other.

I feel like I need to ping @respectthepetty because I feel like I'm seeing something with DK wearing red in this scene after using blue and mixed black and white earlier.

Sometimes you don't need words. Sometimes you just need to throw a drink in someone's face.

He set their photo from the wedding shoot as his background. I love this man.

Yi Jun's enamored smile as Ha Ram walks down in this suit is fantastic. Good job with this crew showing a brooding character finding his sunshine again.

Let me tell you, I go feral for the second, deeper kiss after the first one every time.

Oh good we're back in the boyfriend shirts for the domestic scene.

I like not showing DK again or any of the people cast for their program. It doesn't matter if DK did his job or not. He no longer has control over Seo Yi Jun.

Final Verdict: 9.5, Highly Recommended. This is our third outing with Studio Winsome, following My Sweet Dear and Our Dating Sim, and I think they may be on to something here. @shortpplfedup teases me for being a cynic because I always love the sad gays, and SHE IS RIGHT. I always go hard on the shows where a gay character has suffered and gets the chance to find happiness. This one is a little bit headier than Our Dating Sim, so I'm taking half a point; I felt like I needed to trust them to do something with the aggressive use of tropes earlier, and I'm glad it paid off. This team, more than any other Korean team, seems to understand how to maximize their limited time. I'm deeply impressed.

#love mate #love mate the series #korean bl #bl series #Ben watches

[loveisalwaystheanswer]

Hello! How are you ? I wanted to ask you what is your interpretation of Tommy and Lizzie's relationship, in S5 and S6? I never saw love, from Tommy, but Lizzie's fans did, so what are your thoughts?

Thank you!

Hello, anon!

Firstly, I apologize for my late response. I'd hoped to reply sooner, but my phone almost died last week and I had to reset it to factory settings. I'm glad I had had the forethought to create my own cloud storage for photos, but unfortunately I hadn't done it for my text notes, so I lost them all. I found it out the next day and coped with it very badly tbh (crying was included). I have to re-write my latest notes now.

Back to your question. I'm surprised this is still relevant. 'Tommy and Lizzie' isn't my favourite paring of the show, as far as you know if you read my blog. So analysing them is my own sort of torture. S3 itself and Tommy's interactions with Lizzie are my pet peeve. I don't even know where I should begin. For a start, let me tell you about my favourite description of Lizzie which I read a long time ago but I still find it very accurate "the old girlfriend Tommy drunk dials when he's feeling lonely late at night" (x).

Tommy bends her over a desk sleeps with Lizzie because sex is his coping mechanism. This guy cries through his dick into Tatiana or Lizzie. He even declares she was saving his heart from breaking. Honestly, these words are like nails on a chalkboard. It's so disrespectful on so many levels. Firstly, to Grace. Oi, you moron, the love of your life died (because of you btw) few months ago, it usually causes heartbreak! Secondly, to Lizzie. You say you still pay her for sex and make it known in front of the entire family and therefore humiliate her.

There were no reasons for them to reunite in s4. It's been said, I see no logic in the narrative. Especially in Lizzie's actions.

They get married for two reasons: 1) Lizzie is pregnant, 2) it can be useful and very handy for Tommy's political career. He uses her, again. As benefit, he can shift the responsibility for raising Charlie to Lizzie, because he's fully aware of what a terrible father he really is. She's a useful decoration as a mother and wife. Lizzie knows his condition and wants to help him, but he doesn't let her in. There's a huge gap between them. In 5th season I didn't see any hints of love. It was mostly about his possessiveness ('he lays a fucking hand on you, he will be meat for Johnny Dogs') or his ego ('he spoke badly to my wife').

In s6 we see that they've become a more ordinary family. He works, she is being a mother. He keeps cheating on her. She accepts it. But here's more understanding between them and Ruby's disease brings them closer for a short time, but when she dies, Tommy has sex with Diana, Lizzie is humiliated in front of people (again), they become even more distant and Lizzie hits the bottom and leaves him.

Lizzie is in love with Tommy since s2. Tommy uses Lizzie since s1. I don't think he will ever be in love with her. But he grew to love her as a person, as a friend and this is a VERY big part of his development as a character. Because he never cared about any woman anyone who isn't related to him or who isn't Grace. He loves Lizzie, but not in a romantic way. Tommy always only used her for his own purposes and he never was kind or compassionate towards her, but in s6 he cares about her so that's why he says she doesn't deserve him and doesn't deserve to share his fate. That's why he tells Diana he isn't upset that Lizzie left him. Because he loves her and she is dear to him. He is deeply grateful for everything she's done for him and he defends her from Mosley's offensive comments even when Lizzie can't hear it. Don't get me wrong, anon, I don't justify his actions and his speech doesn't make him a saint. What he's done is beyond to be fixed and he should've thought of the consequences earlier.

I know this is a very sketchy analysis because I simply didn't want to go into depth. But I hope I managed to answer your questions.

thanks!

🤍

#asks #tommy x lizzie #liata notes

[casspurrjoybell-22]

Dream Eater - Chapter 17 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

I wake up from a dream and I smile.

It was a good dream, though I can't remember the details.

It had something to do with Dante and a cake and maybe a dog.

It doesn't matter because it didn't mean anything and it was all mine.

I roll over and press myself closer to Damien's back, wrapping my arms around his waist and giving him a light squeeze.

Early morning light spills in through the bedroom windows and the comforting sounds of the city drift up from the streets below.

We're home, in our apartment, on Earth.

After Astoreth healed me, I came to lying in the snow, stretched full-length with Damien at my side and my hand clasped in his.

Dante knelt beside us crying like we'd broken their heart.

Which, I learned, we momentarily had.

When they found us by the stone arch, Door closed and Astoreth gone, they'd thought we were dead.

It seemed like we were, too.

Then I woke up and a moment later, Damien did as well.

I hadn't felt any different, as far as I could tell and Damien said he didn't either.

Except that when he tried to use demonic power, nothing happened.

I was terrified he'd resent me for it, eventually, for choosing a human soul but if anything, he seemed overjoyed.

"You don't miss it?" I'd asked.

"Being able to summon fiery swords and pop between realities whenever you please?"

He grinned.

"Not at all. Do you miss having to eat people's dreams?"

I shook my head.

"No but that was never cool to begin with."

Somehow, though I don't remember hearing her speak, Astoreth had told me that the three natures of my soul were now one.

Each part had joined to create a single whole but while I was no longer a dream-eater and I'd never been much of a Celestial, I was still a Key and always would be and now Damien's soul was inextricably linked to mine.

Astoreth said that we would always seek one another, drawn by a force stronger than magnetism or gravity and that we were each now a part of a greater whole.

"What if I'm reborn as like, a toad or an eel or something?" I wondered and Damien had laughed.

"Then I hope I'm a toad or an eel too."

Dante offered to make us both sex-demons and told us we'd be able to feed off one another for all eternity but of course, we'd have to die first and we've both had enough of that for the moment.

We kept their offer as a distant backup option, just in case.

For now, we're happy to live and love as mere mortals and to savor each beautiful, precious, fragile moment as it comes and goes.

As for Dante, they decided to remain in Carnâk for now.

They said they were still having fun there and enjoying the artistic adoration.

Also, they'd bonded with Oran on the battlefield and the relationship had bloomed.

Apparently, seeing Dante in full battle-mode was like watching a violent ballet and Oran had been hooked.

I was sorry I hadn't gotten to see it.

Sometimes, when I just want see them, I wish Dante wasn't currently living in another dimension but Oran brings them to visit often enough that I hardly have time to miss them and Damien keeps me busy in more ways than one.

I hug him to me now and wonder at the strange machinations of fate.

Not that long ago I wanted nothing more than to get away from him and never look back.

Now I literally wouldn't be complete without him.

He wakes up and rolls over to face me, his features lit with a now, familiar look of wonder and delight.

It's the same look he has every morning when he wakes up next to me, like he can't quite believe his eyes.

"Good morning, beautiful boy," he says, kissing me lightly.

"I don't think you can call someone born a hundred years ago a boy," I say, smiling.

"Your passport says you're twenty-one," he replies.

"Barely old enough to drink."

It's amazing what money can buy these days.

Damien has us both fixed up with all the documents we need to live legit and above-board.

"That didn't stop you from getting me drunk last night," I say.

It didn't quite leave me with a hangover but it was enough that I don't remember exactly what happened, except that at some point I was up against a wall and then on the floor and then... I blush as memory returns and he grins.

"Thinking of something good?" he asks.

"You wish," I retort but blush harder when he slides a hand beneath the sheets and finds me hard.

"I do love mornings..."

At this point, he hardly needs Dante.

He's becoming a sex-demon all on his own.

Speaking of Dante, that night we celebrate the opening of Damien's latest architectural triumph... a gallery dedicated to their work.

I do my best to hide in the shadows and not draw attention to the fact that I'm featured in many of the examples on display.

Dante and Oran are here for the event and Dante finds me before long.

"Still happy, little bird?" they ask and I smile.

"Yes. I'm still happy."

"That was a ballsy choice you made. I don't know if I could've done it. Not after everything I've seen."

"That's why I made it," I say.

"I've seen a lot, some through my own eyes but mostly through other people's dreams. I know what grief and sorrow and loss and hate and fear look like. One thing I didn't see a lot of was happiness. But I saw it in those months I was living here with Damien, before Azael found us again. That's what I wanted more of, a happiness that's not just mine but his too."

"Well, I hope you enjoy it for a long time," they say.

"But when you get tired, just say so and we can be demons together again... all three of us."

I squint at them and they hold up their hands.

"Not like that... I just mean in general."

"Maybe someday, Dante," I laugh.

"Or maybe not. Maybe we'll just grow old together and die and see what comes next."

Dante makes a face.

"Listen up, little bird... you make me cry again and I'll fucking kill you myself and then I'll bring you back as my own personal demon and keep you in a gilded cage for the rest of eternity, safe and sound where I can see you and paint you whenever I want. Of course, I'll have to bring Damien too..."

It seems like they've given this a little too much thought already, so I distract them by asking about Oran.

Apparently, he has amazing stamina, both in bed and on the battlefield, which for Dante is sometimes the same thing.

I let my mind wander when the details get to be a bit too much and before I know it the evening is over and we're saying goodbye once again.

After an overly drawn-out farewell, Dante and Oran are gone.

The world seems a little more empty without them and I hope they get tired of Carnâk and come home to stay soon.

Later, Damien and I return to our apartment.

I feel deliciously tired... not exhausted, not drained of energy and needing someone else's nightmares to keep me alive... just pleasantly weary and ready for sleep.

Damien has other ideas.

"I have something for you," he says, walking me back until my legs hit the edge of the bed and I fall over.

"You've already given me that three times today," I say, though I'm not really complaining.

"Not like this," he says.

"Close your eyes and don't freak out."

"Uh..." I frown but do as he asks.

I feel him take my wrists in his hands and then something soft closes around them with a click.

I open my eyes and see that he's chained me to the bed with a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs.

"If you don't want to, I'll take them off," he says quickly, looking nervous.

I tug at them experimentally and frown.

"You realize the last time you had these on me I thought you were gonna kill me, right?"

"These aren't the same ones. I bought these myself."

'Oh, great. What a relief.' I roll my eyes.

"At least tell me you bought them online, where no one could see your face."

He doesn't answer and he still looks really nervous and I give in.

"All right... have your way with me then."

The slow grin that breaks over his face makes me shiver.

"Oh, I intend to. That night, when I put those cuffs on you, I really was just afraid you were going to hurt yourself if you got up too fast. But when I looked back on that memory it became an obsession and I've been dreaming of it ever since."

"I never saw that in your dreams," I scoff.

He gives me a crooked smile.

"It's not a nightmare. Sometimes I'm not even asleep."

"You're a demon," I say, laughing.

Maybe Dante will be getting their wish sooner than they think, after all.

~The End~

[caspercryptid]

think u could do jayvik for the “I’m dying and I’m confessing my love for you“? specifically with vik dying, but whichever works for u!

I am bad at actual angst so this is...probably the prelude to a necromancy fic in the making, eventually. and it's a...college au. but here it is! sorry if this isn't what you had in mind, I. don't do angst. often.

tws for gore, horrific injury, and well. The death.

-

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

It wasn't supposed to happen at all, of course, but Jayce knew that Viktor was dying. Viktor had known he was dying. Jayce found him in the lab after hours after he'd-- there was a distant, sick kind of guilt at kicking Viktor out of the room to have sex. Viktor'd told him he was being stupid. He hadn't listened. It hadn't left him.

He hadn't left Viktor again, either, destroyed his relationship with Mel. Viktor was a magnet, and Jayce wanted nothing more than to be a piece of metal to weld to. He didn't want to leave him again. Ever.

And he was a cowardly piece of shit- at least about the things that mattered. It was so easy the rest of the time. Fighting was easy. Standing up for himself to teachers, to asshole frat boys who thought they could get up in other people's face, standing up for other people. It was easy.

Viktor. Viktor was hard. Viktor was complicated, Viktor was a puzzle he couldn't solve. It was why Jayce loved him.

is. Is why.

Jayce loves him.

Jayce is holding him, and they're both covered in blood, and for a single completely insane second Jayce wonders whose it is. But no, the pain in his chest isn't shrapnel, isn't the strange seething thing that's seizing through Viktor's lungs. It's just pain. it's just love, finding somewhere to die.

Viktor takes a shuddering breath in, and Jayce can hear the rattle, can hear the metal pieces in his chest, the ones that came out of the core, the thing they'd build together, the thing Jayce had switched on, it wasn't ready, he'd known it wasn't ready--

"Jayce."

That's not Viktor's voice. That's not viktor's voice, it can't be, because Viktor's voice is sure and strong, and clever. Viktor's voice lifts up at the edges, like he's always about to make fun of Jayce for something. like he already is.

“Jayce.” Viktor pushes himself up, movements slow but determined, hands clutching his collar. 

Fuck. Fuck, it is, and it’s Jayce’s fault, it’s all his fault, he should have checked, he should have put shielding up, he should have- Viktor is kissing him.

He stalls out, freezing, not processing what’s happening, and Viktor tastes like blood and salt, and it’s from a distance that he processes that the salt is his own tears, that he’s crying, and Viktor is kissing him, and Viktor is bleeding out, and everything is stopping and starting all at once, and Viktor pulls back and presses his forehead to Jayce’s, holding his face in his hands. “If you don’t feel the same way.” He says. “Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”

Jayce hears himself laugh, broken.  “You- bastard.” he says. “you absolute bastard.”  Viktor grins at him, and for a second it’s just the two of them, if Viktor can just survive this they can do anything, they can start over, Jayce can tell him everything-

Viktor pulls away and coughs again, covering his mouth, and there’s so much blood between his fingers, and the world comes crashing down around them again.  “No.” Jayce says, desperate, trying to press a hand to Viktor’s chest, trying to find the wounds, but he pulls it back again as the shrapnel cuts his hand.  “No, no no--”  “Jayce.” “No, I can- we can fix this, just hold on-” “Jayce.” Viktor says, pressing their foreheads together. “if you don’t let me have my last words because you were desperately trying to stop the inevitable, I’m going to haunt you.” “Than haunt me.” Jayce hisses. “Haunt me. Don’t leave me. Please, please don’t leave me, I--” He can’t say it. the words won’t leave, but Viktor just smiles at him. “I know.” he says. “I love you too.”

Jayce is trying to get the words out, trying to hold Viktor’s shoulder, but Viktor’s going cold in his arms. He can feel it when it happens- a second after the words are gone Viktor goes slack in his arms.  “No.” Jayce manages, voice broken. “no, you don’t- get to have the last word. Wake up. Please, please, wake up-” He wraps his arms around Viktor, holding him, and when the cops show up to investigate the explosion, that’s how they find him, still crying.

#jayvik #jayce talis #viktor arcane #jayce x viktor #netflix arcane #major character death #Casper's Haunted Fic Tag

[colossal-fallout]

[ Classified ]

The full report - Eren Yeager

The following report details all information on Eren Yeager. Contains NSFW content and reader must be over the age of 18 to view this document.

For your eyes only.

Name: Eren Yeager

Birthplace: Shiganshina

Height: 180cm / 5ft 9"

General

[ A1 ]

Appearance & Hygiene practices:

Eren's chestnut brown hair is always clean and fresh. Whenever he pays you a late night visit, he'll have most probably just gotten out of the shower. Coconut scented shampoo of sorts? Whatever it is, it smells so good.

Prefers showers over a bathe. He says it's to save time, but he spends a good 40 - 60 minutes in there, easily.

Once he's dry, likes to throw on jogger bottoms and a hoodie over his bare skin. His bare skin that is now so soft and scented as his favourite shower gel which is either tea-tree oil or Coconut.

If he wants to remain clean shaven, Eren must shave every 2-3 days. Sometimes he likes to grow it out but nothing ever past a long stubble.

Minimal body hair.

Trims the hairs on his pubic bone/lower stomach. Has pleasuring you in mind as he does so. Will take into consideration the friction against you.

Totally clean shaven testicles.

Eren's nails are short but that's because he bites them. [ see section A3 ]

Beautiful set of teeth. Brushes twice daily in a modern AU.

Eren adores it when you brush his hair for him. He finds it extremely relaxing as you massage his scalp. His eyes will close and a small, barely audible hum will emit from time to time.

Eren's skin care routine is pretty basic. All of the steam from sitting in his hot, frequent showers for so long seems to do him wonders - his skin is flawless and worthy of envy.

Due to the healing power of being a Titan shifter, Eren has no scars.

Eren has quite large hands with long fingers. He doesn't wear rings or jewellery as it reminds him of the burden of when he had to keep that damn key on him at all times. Will however, put up with a wedding ring.

[A2]

Body & Love language:

Eren is a pretty introverted person. His hands are usually tucked away inside of his pockets - be it either trousers or hoody/jacket.

He hunches a little too. Likes to feel hidden. He's had enough attention over the years and wants nothing more than to just shrink away in a crowded room. Or maybe, it's the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Brooding, moody exterior. Extreme "resting bitch face"

Shrugs a lot. At first glance, you'd think he was a moody teenager trapped in a grown man's body.

Likes to sit with his feet flat up on the chair with his knees splayed - you'll usually find him like this with an arm resting over a knee while the other is at a 90 degree angle pointing away from his hip.

Fumbles his hands together in formal occasions when he can't sit so casually or tuck them away.

Likes to drape his arm over you without touching you. His arm will rest above you on the top of the chair. A clear indication of "They're mine" and "I will keep you safe"

His hips will usually be swivelled in your direction, regardless of where you are in the room. A subconscious body language of sexual yearning.

Eren likes to hold hands with you when you're walking. He's not huge on PDA but likes the strong yet subtle showings that you're together.

Tends to rub his thumb over the back of your hand absent-mindedly when you do so.

His love languages include physical touch. Can get very needy and touch starved pretty easily. Not in a overbearing way, but even just a run of his slender fingers through your hair is enough to keep him going until the two of you are in a more private setting.

[A3]

Bad Habits & Tendencies:

As mentioned above, Eren bites his finger nails. His toe nails too. It's pretty gross to be honest.

He never does it in public, but he has been known to do it in front of you when he feels comfortable enough to do so.

Get's very fidgety when irritated or annoyed, which is pretty often. Especially if Jean is around.

Short temper. He's learned to tame it more over the years where he doesn't show it so easily. But everyone has their limit and when his is reached, his yell is booming and pretty intimidating.

During an argument with you he has been known to raise his voice, but it's not the frightening roar you've heard him unleash on others before.

Always apologises to you after he's calmed down. Even though it wasn't that bad.

If you two ever have a bad falling out, will lock himself away for days. He'll be pissed at himself for letting it get so bad and depressed that you two are having such problems. But he'll do anything he can to fix it.

[ A4 ]

Common misconceptions:

Obviously everyone has their own cannons and opinions. But I don't personally see Eren as being an abusive partner. Yeah, he has his problems and treats his friends like shit but there's a reason for that we'll probably see in the last chapter. If you're worthy enough to pierce that cold and distant shell, you're a very special person and he'll treat you as such.

Eren actually has a large heart hidden under that huge chip on his shoulder. He cares and loves the people around him unconditionally. Even to the point of carrying out mass genocide to protect them.

Still... He does have a dark side to be weary of at times.

Even though he's gross while in Liberio, usually Eren is actually pretty clean.

[ A5 ]

Food & Drink:

In a Modern AU Eren loves fancy coffees with the weird names. The longer to pronounce, the better. He just likes the fact they give him energy and the fancier ones taste good.

Due to not having meat for so long, a good ol' fashioned beef/lamb stew is his favourite.

Doesn't drink in canon.

Modern AU, his alcoholic beverage of choice is bottles of beer and craft ales. Sometimes is a sucker for red wine.

[ A6 ]

Modern Au:

Eren wears loose clothing. Hoodies, loose jeans, those baggy cardigans too.

His texting style is spam over one long message. Especially if he's pissed off. He's too impatient to sit and type in paragraphs.

Drives a black car. Don't ask me what type, I don't know cars. But it's black, 'kay?

It also has "black ice" air freshener inside.

Likes to ride quads and mopeds along fields. He's a thrill seeker. Rollercoasters, bungee jumping... you name it he's game.

Eren plays the guitar. He took lessons for it but after about a year he just went his own way and self-taught.

If he sees a guitar at a party, he will pick it up and play it. He won't sing though.

He actually hates singing. He finds it embarrassing.

Always has in his air pods/earphones.

Likes any sort of music that is catchy.

Probably streams on Twitch. He won't talk much though.

Could have a wide range of jobs. Coffee shop, could be in college, might be a ride attendant... who knows? It's anyone's guess what Eren is doing. He doesn't talk about himself that much.

Romance & NSFW

[ B1 ]

Crush:

Eren would definitely be in denial he has a crush on you at first.

• “Does y/n seem different to you?”

Armin; “No…? In what way?”

“I dunno… Just, different.”

• His poor stubborn brain would be ticking for weeks as to why he suddenly wants to be near you a lot more often and has urges to touch you, even if it’s just a slight brush against your arm.

• Will find any excuse to do extra training with you

• Once he FINALLY clicks on as to why he’s had these feelings, he’ll be pretty knocked off his feet and a little annoyed at himself.

I’m here to kill the enemy...

• Still though… Can’t seem to keep himself away.

[ B2 ]

First kiss & general kisses:

After the initial denial and keeping himself away, he'll just decide one day he's had enough of feeling this way and decides to to something about it.

He won't shove himself onto you. He'll do some sly probing to see if there is any indication of reciprocation.

Knowing Eren, he'll indirectly piss you off or insult you. He didn't mean to. He's just lacking social skills. Man aint smooth.

You'll slap him, probably, where he'll keep his head away from you for a few seconds, realising he's pushed you too far. Whichever side you palmed him away, he'll stay.

He'll slowly return his gaze to yours before gently holding your arms, apologising and planting his lips onto yours.

His general kisses are quite firm and forceful. Not in an aggressive way, but a "god I want you so bad" way.

Always either slides his arms around your waist or cups your face/head.

He tastes like sweetened tea <3 / Coffee in a Modern AU

Loves coming from behind and snaking his arms around you, nuzzling into your neck when you're doing something. Doesn't like it when your attention is away from him for too long.

When he's feeling soft and tender, will dance his nose with yours and catching your mouth in a caress.

When he's super turned on, he'll suck your tongue, bite your bottom lip and kiss anywhere he can.

[ B3 ]

Sex:

Ha ~~!

Eren is up there with the best when it comes to sex. He knows what he's doing and he does it well.

Extremely skilled with his fingers and tongue. He'll have you crawling the walls with hysteria as he likes to tease you throughout the day. He more than makes up for it, though.

Gropes, nips, kisses, licks, bites, flicks... anywhere and everywhere he can.

Is the most vocal when you perform oral sex on him. Will groan so deeply, his entire body will vibrate.

Dirty talk is this man's second language.

"Look how desperate you are for me." / "Look how desperate for you you've gotten me..."

"Do I feel good like this?"

"Am I making you feel good baby?"

"You're so good at that. Fuck, such a good girl/boy"

"S'so fuckin' tight."

"You're my little fuck thing, aren't you?"

"You're perfect."

"I love you..."

Are some of the many things you'll hear while he's fucking you.

He doesn't really have a favourite position. He'll gladly take you anyway he can. If he's in a rough mood, he'll bend you over the sofa, take you up against the wall... But if he's feeling more soft he'll make slow, passionate love to you for hours.

He does have a strong soft side at times.

Dominic Dominant. He loves seeing you totally at his mercy, the power over you the most arousing thing in the world to him.

Big daddy dilf vibes. He knows what he’s doing and he’s fucking good at it too.

The only time he’ll sub is if he wants to be lazy - letting you ride him and use him to your heart’s content.

Dirty talk. It can get pretty degrading at times. If you’re not into that, he respects that boundary.

Will absolutely ruin you.

Low-key loves it when you claw his back in hysteria. He thrives knowing he can send you absolutely insane, and he can just heal the claw marks in a matter of seconds. Sometimes even during sex (which is the hottest thing ever)

In an AU modern, he would love to fuck you near a large mirror or record you both getting at it to watch at a later date.

A lot of hissing, humming and low groaning, especially when he’s close to unloading.

Likes to watch you masturbate, putting his head close and observing intently. Loses his shit if you moan his name while doing so.

Hair pulling is his overload language. Will tug fistfuls when he gets too turned on.

[ B4 ]

Kinks:

The risk of getting caught. He likes having risky sex in semi public locations. Makes a game of how loud he can get you to moan, knowing someone would probably hear you.

Light Degradation. When he’s in a rough mood, he doesn’t mind calling you a few names. Nothing too extreme. And if it’s not your thing, he’ll respect that boundary.

Loves a good ol’ 69. Having you on his face with your ass in view is just… *Chef’s kiss*

Speaking of ass, he loves to bend you over too, allowing himself in nice and deep with a great view and something Juicy to grab.

[ B5 ]

Aftercare:

Aftercare with Eren isn’t anything special unfortunately. He’s another who gets sleepy after sex.

Won’t ignore you though. Often lazy pillow talk is on the cards and telling you how much you mean to him and how beautiful you are.

Will run his fingers across your scalp to soothe you.

Also will kiss any bite marks or finger bruises he’s left behind and ask if you’re okay.

Relationship with loved ones & becoming serious

[ C1 ]

Friends & Family:

When Eren meet's your friends family he will be polite yet quiet. He wants them to like him but he won't pine for their approval. If they like him, awesome. If they don't...? No big deal.

Same goes with your friends. He'll stay quiet until spoken to at first, but once he's been eased into conversation, he'll flow with it a lot easier.

Again, he'll be polite but don't expect him to kiss ass, because he certainly wont.

[ C2 ]

Marriage:

You couldn’t actually believe Eren had proposed. Although he was down on one knee in front of your very eyes, your mind just wasn’t accepting it. Folks and onlookers watched with bated breath, awaiting your answer. He sure kept this surprise hidden well…

Of course, you said yes and he picked you up by your waist in a spin, colliding his lips to yours.

And now here he was, watching you walk down the aisle, a lump in his throat and his heart racing.

You looked gorgeous, like something from a fairy tale.

And of course, he looked as handsome as ever. His suit was smart and his hair was up in its usual bun.

Armin is his best man, of course; who is standing and beaming with pride.

Eren holds back his chokes and tears as he reads his vows;

“Y/N… From the first time I ever laid eyes on you, all those years ago, I knew you would be in my life forever. Back then, I didn’t think it would be as my wife, but God I am so glad it is. I’m sorry for my stubbornness and irrational behaviour when we were young. But despite that you still loved, and stood by me and for that I’ll be eternally grateful. I vow to always stand beside you, whatever the world throws at us. I vow to hold you when you need support. I vow to remember how you always had my back no matter what. And I vow to always love you, with my heart and soul, until the day I die and after.”

The room erupts in cheers and tears when you seal your kiss.

The reception is wild.

Everyone is drunk (except Levi) and dancing. Reiner and Connie are dancing like weirdos, Reiner's blazer removed and at one point Connie is on his shoulders.

Sasha has too much to drink and is spewing in the bathroom.

Mikasa can’t stop crying with happiness and pride.

He carries you to your room afterwards where you spend all night sealing a special bond that will never be broken.

[ C3 ]

Children:

Eren has a soft spot for children, believe it or not. As seen before the expedition to the forest of giant trees. He sees his old self behind the innocent glint of unaltered admiration within a child's eyes.

He's not super into child play though. He wont pull weird voices or funny faces. He'll sit at their level and speak to them like they were anyone else. Obviously, watching what he says around them.

If they're unchecked and acting themselves, he'll become quickly annoyed as they wreck havoc around him and will have to leave the room or he'll get too agitated.

If his s/o discovers they're pregnant he'll seem to take it well. But inside he's falling apart and freaking out. He won't ever show it to them, but he doesn't know how he could be a father. Would he be like his own? Would he be able to be a good figure to look up to? What if he fails? Is it selfish to bring a child into this cruel world?

He'll be shocked but understandably so. After after a couple of weeks of self-reflection and brooding, he'll start to feel better about the whole thing.

More protective over his s/o than usual. Will make sure they're eating, drinking, resting and god help you if he finds you doing something you shouldn't such as trying to lift something heavy.

Will hold your hair and rub you back, as well as bring you water while you're having your morning sickness.

"Babe? It's four in the afternoon. How come you're still sick?"

"Eren, it's called morning sickness but it can happen any time."

He'll click his tongue. "....That's a dumb name, then."

The first time he feels the baby kick within you, his heart absolutely melts. His eyes enlarge and you could swear you saw them soften with that spark behind his emerald greens he had when you were younger.

His large palm is warm against your stomach as he feels around, the little flutter of your child hitting against his skin making him flinch in surprise at first.

"Woah..." He'll gasp in amazement. "They're already so strong. Hey, y/n? Doesn't that hurt?"

"Sometimes." You'll laugh softly.

He'll gingerly place his face to your skin, a little embarrassed he's doing this; but he feels the need. "...Don't hurt your mom, okay?"

As your pregnancy progresses and you get larger, he will not leave your side. If he has to, he'll be worrying and you'll be occupying his mind. In a modern au, he'll constantly call and text and will get Mikasa or Armin to check in on you often.

Will be so gentle during love making. He's terrified he'll hurt the baby.

One of the only times you've seen Eren panic in his adult life is when your waters break.

You'd gotten up in the middle of the night to pee. Climbed back into bed and felt a strange pressure, followed by a pop. Then a warm gushing sensation. You wait a few seconds to settle your own panic before you nudge Eren awake.

"Eren..."

He'll bolt up, confused. "What? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"

"Eren, my waters have broken."

"Shit. Okay. Shit. What do we do? Shit." He'll leap out of bed and throw the lights on. You get to your feet where more water will start to drop onto the floor. "Shit, shit. I'll get the bag. Do you need help getting dressed? Okay, where's my jacket? WHERE'S MY JACKET?!"

"Eren, honey I need to you calm down."

"Okay, sorry. I'm calm. Shit. Shit..."

Will hold your hand with a worried look the entire time you're in labour. Has water and snacks on hand.

Will watch in amazement as your child is pushed into the world. This magical moment changes something in him, but right now he's not sure what that is.

They will bond immediately. As soon as he holds your son/daughter he can't take his wide gaze off them.

They're inseparable.

Any doubts of being a bad father is washed away as he takes them under his wing and teaches them about the world.

#eren jeager x reader #eren jäger #eren smut #eren headcanons #eren yaeger x y/n #eren yaeger x you #eren jaeger #eren yeager #eren snk #eren s4 #eren season 4 #eren shingeki no kyojin #eren au #attack on titan eren #snk eren #snk fanfiction #snk headcanons #snk fandom #attack on titan #attack on titan x you

[pretoriafics]

If I wasn’t a goddamn werewolf - Pt. 4

Things with your boyfriend are getting worse, and seems like Derek will not give up on you easily. Word count: 2.867 Pairings: Reader x Derek; Reader x Platonic!Talia Contain: Some angst, some fluff, Original characters (Daniel, your boyfriend)  Warnings: English is not my main language <3; Inappropriate language TEEN WOLF MASTERLIST PART 1  |  PART 5

Your eyes open slowly.

It was a sunny morning, with the orange lights of the sun passing through the windows of the loft. You were close to Derek's naked chest, and his fingers running slowly through your hair tell you that he woke up before you.

"Oh, damn, did I woke you up?" He asks you, worried, putting a sweet kiss on your forehead.

"No." You throw your arm on his waistline, pulling him close while looks at his green and sleepy eyes "Good morning."

A smile was born on Derek's lips, and he gets closer to you. His thumb runs through your face while he puts a soft kiss on your lips.

"Good morning." He mumbles, with his eyes attached to yours.

It's been a wonderful night. You and Derek had a stroll around the city on his Camaro, and then you guys stopped in a clearing into the woods. There you drank a few, and you and Derek laughed and cuddled all night. He requested you to came to his loft and spend the night with him, and you couldn't say no to his proposal. That's how you ended at his bed, with clothes from both of you spread through the bedroom's floor.

You and Derek said nothing for a while. You were just looking at each other, with sweetness and pure love emitting from each other's look. Of course, you didn't need to say anything. Actually, any word would mess up that moment when both of you were just feeling the presence of each other. Wow, he was so beautiful...

Derek gives a soft smile for you, and you almost melted in pure love. Suddenly, you felt butterflies in your stomach. Oh, God, that would be the perfect moment to tell him about your feelings. But you couldn't. You needed to go.

"I'll get late for a meeting with a client, so I have to go." Your voice was low and soft, and you gave him a slow kiss as a way to say goodbye. Then, you stood up from the bed, with just your panties covering your body.

He sats on the bed.

"Do you really need it?"

"Yeah." You said, wearing your bra and taking your shirt from the floor "You know, I have a few bills to pay. I hate adult life." You look at him with a small smile, and you wear your shirt.

Derek put himself on his knees on the bed and stretch his arms in your direction, grabbing your shirt. You let out a chuckle.

"I think your client will be understanding with you if you get late."

He pulls you in his direction, making you laugh.

"No, he won't! Stop, I have to go!"

Derek's arms wrap around your waistline, and he throws you on the mattress while chuckling. His green eyes get attached to yours and, then he puts several soft kisses onto your neck. His voice was low.

"I just need ten minutes more with you."

You close your eyes and wrap your fingers around his hair, just feeling his kisses through your skin while he puts his body over yours. His kisses had some kind of magic that could let you immovable and weak.

"Damn, I can't say no for you." You mumble.

Derek looks at you with a soft smile. He grabs your legs, putting them attached to his hips, and puts a slow and wet kiss on your lips. It was impossible not to smile between the kiss. You got late for your meeting that day.

That was the last time you woke up in his bed.

This time, when you opened your eyes, you didn't hear Derek's voice.

Sometimes, when you miss him, you close your eyes and start to remember all things you had lived together, from your friendship until your last moments. Your missing about him always seems stronger in the mornings. You both used to cuddle that hour of the day. After all, you both used to cuddle that hour of the day.

You felt the arm of your boyfriend on you, with your back on his chest. He was called Daniel. Well, you love him, but not the way he wants so much. He is such a successful surgeon and would give you the world if you wanted to. Everything is great with Dan: The dates, the conversations, sex... But, of course, he wasn't Derek.

That day, you needed to go to your training with Derek. So, you stood up from the bed, just wearing your lace panties. Dan sits on the mattress with arched eyebrows.

"Good morning for you too, cranky."

You turn yourself to face him, letting out a long sigh.

"Good morning. Sorry, baby. I'm just hurrying."

"Hurrying for what?"

To see another man.

"Uh..." You bite your inner lip, trying to think of a lie "Laura and I are just doing some exercises together. I'm late, and she'll kill me. She hates delay."

"She hates everything. Can't you stay here with me?"

Oh, God, and there he is: Looking at you with that puppy eyes.

"I can't. I'm sorry."

You walk to the wardrobe and takes some clothes while Dan lets out a long sigh of frustration.

"I just can't recognize you anymore. You are full of secrets from me. What's the problem?"

When you heard him, you stopped your way to the bathroom. Oh god. The last thing you want is to hurt his feelings. Dan just simply doesn't deserve this.

"Nothing, Dan. Really." You said, looking at him. The guilt was already filling your heart. "I'm just too busy. I'll compensate you for this." You go in his direction and curves your body, getting close to Dan and giving him a short and cold peck. "I promise."

Dan stares at you for a few seconds, complete disbelief about your words. He let out a long and tired sigh.

"Okay, if you say so..."

Damn. You were messing up everything. You hadn't time to fix things between both of you, so you go take a shower thinking in a way to conciliate your new life with your personal one.

Your time on the pack made you think about if you met Derek for real. He was such a different person with them! He was a tough one, rude and distant. He was the complete opposite when both of you were friends, mainly when you used to date. Derek was such an adorable man with you those times.

Is Derek has created a character when he was your boyfriend? Well, you didn't know.

In the beginning, at your training with your brand new alpha, he was cold and distant. Now he still the same way, but he is fussier than ever. Your training with him made you feel tired to death. However, that day, he noticed you were different.

"Go take five minutes resting." He said, with his analytical eyes on you. He wasn't too fussy today, and he almost seems a little bit more... caring. "You're with your head in the clouds today."

You walked in your water bottle direction while he spokes with you. With his comment, you look at him while you take a few sips.

"What?" You said, putting the water bottle away from your lips. Crap, Derek knows you so well...

"You're unfocused." Derek crosses his arms, narrowing his eyes from you "It's not your thing."

You put the water bottle on the floor, close to your smartphone. You took the cellphone, expecting Dan's messages because he always sends you a few while you're training. That day, you received nothing. Yeah, Dan was pissed off with you. You let out a long sigh, guilty.

"It's nothing." You said, unlocking the screen and going to Instagram. Then, you saw something that made you freeze: Dan's best friend posted a photo of them, still at college. He was wishing a happy birthday for Dan.

Crap! It was Dan's birthday, and you completely forgot!

You hide your face in your hand.

"Oh, damn..."

"You sure it's nothing?"

Derek still is looking at you, pretty open if you needed to talk with someone. He knew something was wrong with you. He saw you upset so many times that he knew when something was wrong.

You put your cellphone on the floor again, with your lips compressed. Then, ashamed as hell, you cross your arms and look to any part of the basement except Derek.

"It's Dan's birthday. The first we would spend together, and I just forgot it."

"You're definitely in trouble."

"Damn, I know." You let out a long sigh. "I just-"

"Look" He gets closer to you, looking you into your eyes "Don't push yourself too hard. You have been through a lot. It shouldn't be easy to just be part of this supernatural world all of a sudden. There's too much in your mind now."

Oh, he always knows how to calm you down... Or It was just the effect of his voice on you? Maybe both.

"I really don't want to think that way. I don't want to use all of this werewolf bullshit to be an excuse for being negligent with my boyfriend."

Derek shook his head negatively.

"(Y/N), you're not using this as an excuse-"

"I'm a terrible girlfriend, Jesus!" You slide your hand through your face "Dan don't deserve it."

Derek gives you a rueful look, hating to see you that way. Of course, you were just guilty with everything about you and Dan, but Derek doesn't need to knows it.

"Hey, look at me." He said, calling you to think straight. You instantaneously look at him, and he continued to talk. "Dan is a real lucky guy to have you."

And, God, how Derek envies him!

However, the entire world stopped when you gave him a soft smile, thankful for his words. The effect of his voice on you was - and maybe always will be - completely magical. Your smile made the same with him: made his heart race and get warm, and he felt an almost ethereal feeling.

Because, yeah, both of you had this kind of unreal bond.

"Thank you for your support, Der."

All that situation with Dan made you put your guard down. Derek knew how to use it to get closer to you again. Of course, he did it perfectly. It resulted in a conversation between both of you in months - a real conversation! And you even had called him by his nickname.

It was his turn to gave you a smile. You always melted in pure love.

"I'll always be here for you, (Y/N). You know it."

But... If Derek is just lying for you again? If he just wants to take advantage of you? He did it once, and he could perfectly do that again. Why not?

"Well..." You breathe in, recovering yourself of that sudden breathless and arousing your defenses again "I think I'm ready to continue training."

Derek compresses his lips, getting your silent and cutting message of 'stay away from me'. He breathes in and nods for you without saying any word.

You and Derek hadn't spoken to each other for the rest of the day.

Everyone was out to solve some kind of issue with a sort of creature in town. Derek has not authorized you to go with them because you were such a young werewolf, and you don't know how to defend yourself, so it could be dangerous for you and all of them. It was near 9PM, and you still were not ready to go to Dan's house. You had made a promise to him this morning, but you still don't know how to fix things. So, as a way to avoid your problems, you stay at the new Hale house until you figure out what you could do for Dan's birthday - and, also, what you could do to compensate him for all the bother you cause him.

You were laid on the couch, with your eyes fixed in the ceiling and thoughtful. Suddenly, a female voice launches you out of your own thoughts.

"I think we didn't meet each other properly. Seems like the perfect chance, don't you think?"

You sat on the couch and look at the owner of that voice, close to the frame that divides the living room and the entrance hall: It was Talia, the one you had heard so much about. You didn't know that, but she also heard a lot about you.

"Yeah, I think it is. I mean, we don't have to worry about all the mess this house is with the rest of the pack."

Talia gave you a smile, and you gave it back.

"It's pretty crazy. Teenagers are energical." She said, sitting on the couch next to you.

"Yeah, they are. But seems like they try to control themselves when Derek is close."

"Oh, of course. They are pretty aware that Derek could rip their necks."

You let out a chuckle.

"Yeah, I noticed that."

Talia lay down on the couch, staring at the ceiling. The living room dives in silence, but not an awkward one. It was comfortable.

"So..." Talia broke the silence "I know you've passed through a lot. It's not easy being a werewolf suddenly and find out about a whole new world at the same time. It's a lot of information."

"I'm trying really hard. You have no idea. But I'm pretty worried about my boyfriend, Dan. I don't want to mess up things between us. You know, because of all of that supernatural thing."

Well, you don't want to mess up even more things between both of you.

"Take it easy. You get it with time." Talia looks at you, analytical "I know we aren't too close to each other, but I'll ask something because I worry about anyone who is part of the pack: You are, you know, happy with Dan?"

That question caught you by surprise, and you hesitate. Talia seems to notice it. But, finally, you reply to her.

"Uh... Dan do everything to makes me happy, you know?"

"Yeah, I know, but I also know that it doesn't answer my question."

Since the supermarket day, when Talia saw you for the first time, she noticed countless things that needed to be fixed. The first one was you and Dan. It was pretty obvious to her that you are not happy with him, as well as it was the fact that you needed some advice. She recognizes a lost soul when she sees one.

With her words, you hesitate again.

"When you say happy, you mean...?"

"I mean happiness, (Y/N). It shouldn't be difficult to answer this. There are just two possible alternatives: Yes, or no."

You compress your lips, thoughtful while looks at the ceiling. You felt in a therapy session. And honestly? You kinda needed this kind of conversation.

You spend a few seconds in silence as you were thinking about a reply.

"Yes, I am. Dan is perfect."

"But you think he is perfect for you?"

Hell no. Dan was perfect to be your best friend, and not something more. You always wanted someone who could pluck the air out of your lungs, someone who could put adrenaline into your veins. You want someone who could put your entire body on fire. Dan is unable to do it. He is too stable, like water.

But Derek... Oh, he was the pure meaning of fire.

"Well..." You let out a long sigh "I think he is."

Talia stares at you with arched eyebrows.

"Think? Oh, girl..." She let out a long sigh "Questions like these should have quick responses. It's a consequence for..."

"For being in love. I know."

"You're not happy, are you?"

It was your turn to look at her, recognizing a safe place there. You were honest now.

"Jesus, no. He's a great guy, but he got me so bored!"

Talia let out a low chuckle, looking at the ceiling now.

"It's visible you're not happy. I can see your discouraged look on the days you need to go to his house. If you're not happy, then why are you still with this guy?"

Because you need to move on, and you think Dan is the right man for it. You could fall for him with time.

"It's complicated..."

Your answer came with a long and thoughtful sigh. Talia knew all your drama with Derek, as well as the entire pack. So, she didn't need your explanations to find out about what the term 'it's complicated' means to you.

"I can understand you." She stood up from the couch, looking at you "But be careful to not lie to yourself. Be honest with you. I'm pretty sure things will get better. Otherwise, you can talk with me."

You sat on the couch, feeling a bit better. It was good to be honest with someone about all of that, after all.

"I'll remember it." You gave her a smile "Thank you."

Talia returns your smile and walks to the kitchen. And, now, you need to solve things with Dan.

And, maybe, with yourself.

TAG LIST: @teen-wolf-obsessed4life

#teen wolf imagine #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf fanfics #teen wolf fanfic #teen wolf fics #derek hale imagine #derek hale imagines #derek hale x reader #derek hale fanfics #derek hale x you #derek hale x y/n

[bokuroo-squeals]

Of rough time, marriage and fears

Daichi x reader

Genre: Requested angst to fluff

Summary: After a year of being happily married, trouble seems to appear at paradise when Daichi starts growing distant.

Note: This is not the best, and I don't think I took it the right direction but it was fun to experiment with this. Let me know if there's any orthographic or grammar mistake ,and thank you for reading!!

Marriage is more than a pretty wedding and golden rings, more than a cozy house with nice plants to water. Marriage is way more than all that, so it's not surprise to have though days, fights and disagreements are not a foreign concept, but nothing of this was enough to break you and Daichi. Or so you thought.

One year into your spouse life started like a dream. Even when the road had potholes in the way, you two were mature about it and faced them together. Every morning you woke up next to the love of your life, and he held you close as if you were the most valuable thing in the world, and for a while, you thought you were to him. But months gone by taught you otherwise, because now the space between you was unbearable, like ice left too long on skin. And how it started you don't know, but you wished you did.

The first sign was Daichi growing distant, the second one was him getting in contact with an old friend, a past 'almost something' he knew since high school. And then, it was him spending more time with friends, with her, and you left alone at home to play the loyal housekeeper, the cute spouse that cleaned and cooked but couldn't enjoy dinner with the husband. So it hurt, the feeling of being left behind was slowly filling your lungs until you couldn't gasp for air normally, until the sensation was too much to handle.

The night was as normal as it could go, with you sitting on the couch, waiting for Daichi to come back home from work. Dinner had grown cold, and the clock's hands had moved so much for you to remember how long have you been waiting. Alone in a house meant for two, you couldn't help but feel lonely without Daichi, and you stop to thing briefly, maybe it's your own fault.

It's almost midnight when you hear the door open, then the shuffle of his shoes against the floor. He comes to through the frame, notices your figure and walks your way with heavy steps, Daichi's weight pulling him down in every movement of his legs shows how tired he is.

"It's late, you shouldn't have wait for me. I was out with Suga and the rest after work" he explains briefly after he collapsed next to you on the couch, finally giving into exhaustion.

The conversation ends like that.

Next time is not as peaceful

"Where are you going?" You asked again, the third time already on the week. You're tired, tired of not feeling like you still matter to him, exhausted of feeling him escape through your fingers even when he is right there in front of you.

"Another class reunion. Yuna-san..."

Your blood rushes with anger and you don't let him finish, you can't. It's too unbearable, the feeling of fury.

"Yuna-san? Another reunion? Daichi, please. You're rarely home this days, please, can you just stay with me this time?" Is not easy or possible for you to mask how exasperated you are at this point. Your husband notices the trembling of your body, coming closer to you with a tired sigh.

"We talked about this. Don't do this tonight, Y/n" with how hard he mutters it, it comes out like a warning, one that you're willing to ignore in favor of your feelings. This time is different, any patience or consideration have been thrown to the drain by you, and you are finally ready to explore.

"No! We haven't talk about this, we never talk, and that's the problem! Is always just you asking me to drop it, to leave you alone, to swallow everything inside me, and honestly, I'm not doing that anymore" He stares at you with brows knitted together tightly, a clear sign of him not approving what he takes as a tantrum for his attention.

"We'll talk when you have calmed down. Until then, I'm going out" Daichi turns to walk out, about to leave the scene like nothing, like your marriage was nothing.

Tears you didn't know were there start falling out of your eyes, dramatic style out of a lame romantic movie.

-

For him, it started with jokes and teasing from the team, making fun of him for a few laughs. It wasn't anything too malicious, a few comments here and there over his marriage life, how he was an old man now and how they were getting ready to not see him anymore at reunions or parties. Daichi could handle that, even laughing along with them, until Yamamori Yuna arrived back into his life.

There was a school reunion that he decided to attend after months of being stressed by work, just going out for some drinks and catch up with their past classmates, a night to refresh those records left in their memories from their youth. Everyone was chatting animatedly, the same jokes Daichi was used to were repetead, which he responded with an equally happy laugh. But the girl next to him frowned, her hand discreetly sneaking in a smooth motion all over his arm to get to his shoulder.

"Doesn't it bother you, Sawamura-san? They're making fun of you. " The seemingly troubled expression on her face was enough to cut his laughter.

"It's alright, I'm having fun out of it too"

"Well, it's not fun for me as your friend. Ever since the wedding you have been so engrossed on your partner, that it looks like have forgotten to be your own person, and now you're the joke of your friends". Yamamori's frown deepened even more, her pretty face painted with fake consern. She was so immersed in the little act, in her own selfish intentions, that every word sounded like authentic worry.

That conversation stays engraved on his mind more than it should've.

It's not like he doesn't love you, because he does. The band on his finger is the proof of his adoration towards you, but the fear of losing himself is powerful and big enough to overthink. Daichi starts going out more, because after thinking about it, he was closing off his friends, going out less, not answering texts, missing calls and updates from his friends.

Yuna seems to have all the answers for the questions plaguing his mind, so naturally, he hangs out more with her and his friends. Getting loose and enjoying himself with other people that's not you, because he thinks it what he needs.

He's told you before that she's hanging out with the boys and him lately, he's talked about her when you ask where he was or what was he doing. It's not like he's hiding the fact that he's been in contact with her, yet you still feel like trash when the ghost of doubt makes it's way on your heart.

-

When he returns, he doesn't expect you to be awake, thinking that you'd be on your shared bed, passed out after calming yourself. But you're as awake as you could be, with bloodshot eyes and dry tears over your sad features, and his heart pants with pain at the view. Is heartbreaking, seeing you as equally heartbroken, and us even more heartbreaking knowing he was the cause of your suffering. So he holds you, close to his heart to comfort a little what he has hurt.

"You don't love anymore. You're gonna leave me for her, Yuna" your words are tainted by anguish. An uncomfortable affirmation from your part, one that's not even close to the truth. His breathing stops and for a moment, he swears his heart does too.

"Don't say that, don't you dare say that again. I love you so much, you don't even understand." He opens up his heart with you.

Fifteen minutes is how much it takes him to explain to you all what has gotten to his mind ever since the first reunion. How he was afraid of not being him anymore, of being forgotten by his friends, of hovering over you too much.

"I'm awful, I'm the worst. My selfishness is the worst. I know, now I know. But please, you're the only one for me, I'd never cheat or leave you. The only one on my mind is you. At this point, you've ruined everything for me; love, sex, even religion. No-one can come close to whatever you do, to whatever you make me feel, I can't be tempted by anything that isn't you".

You belive him, you do. The way words spill so easily, flowing like water, can't be faked, neither can be the sparkle in his eye which you hadn't seen in weeks.

-

Daichi's path to redemption begins with being home early after work. Coming to your arms as soon and fast as he can, welcoming your warmth deep in his soul. Once again in your embrace, is hard for him to think just how much has he been missing out.

Is the kisses and hand holding, is your voice and your love what makes Daichi feel safe.

"Daichi, you have to shave" you tell him between giggles, his facial hair caressing the skin on your neck making you itchy.

"Later" he murmurs while he inhales your scent. It calms him down, it relaxes him.

Right now, he has to hold you close, love you as much as he can to make up for the bitter days he had made you suffer. Right now, you feel as safe and as happy as possible, between his arms that are your real home, beside him where you belong.

Marriage is more than just a pretty house and golden rings. Marriage is failing and hurting, with the promise of fixing whatever it needs to mend together.

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! #sawamura daichi #daichi x reader #daichi sawamura x reader #daichi fluff #daichi headcanon #haikyuu fanfiction

[arclucifer666]

Acceptance

Pairing: Sam Winchester/Dean Winchester

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2118

Summary:  It is the first time they have sex after Dean returns from Purgatory, and Sam's brother is even rougher around the edges.   

AO3

@@@@@

Sam's back hits the mattress hard, teeth clicking together, but luckily he doesn't bite his tongue.

Boots and socks are the first to come out.

He doesn't react. Cannot. Neither wants to.

A knife and it starts ripping his clothes, jeans first. The blade touches his skin in some places, which remains intact, however.

Familiar green eyes show hunger, anger, and something dark. Something that is directed at monsters when they are hunting. But Sam is the only monster here, the freak that Dean should've killed many years ago.

And maybe his passivity has something to do with the need for purification that never left his thoughts.

The Cage was not enough.

A feeling of impurity has always been there, inside him, in his soul. He's a failure in a family of hunters and heroes. He's a hunter, but not a hero, and perhaps the righteous man can purify him once and for all.

Dean's blade cuts through his shirt and then his undershirt, precise, destroying the false security his clothes bring to him. Hands throw the useless pieces on the floor, and his underwear is the only thing preventing his nakedness.

He can hear his own heartbeat under the scrutiny of hungry eyes.

"Less muscle. I think I like that."

The first touch on his groin is gentle, just massaging, stimulating, and his body starts to react. It's inevitable. But then Sam remembers he wants it. And this is better than the contempt and anger that became the rule after Dean's return from Purgatory.

"How long?"

The question surprises him. Why does Dean want to know this?

Two broken souls that were trying to survive. Sam was dead inside anyway.

Clenching his fists, he tries to answer, "I-"

Fingers squeeze his balls, but the pain is welcome too. Anything that makes him feel alive again.

"It doesn't matter, Sam. No longer."

The pressure is gone.

That voice has always done things for him, but the barely contained rage he hears now has never been this bad.

Dean's knife cuts again, and this time the blade touches with purpose, navel, waist, groin, and finally, the erect cock against his belly.

"It would be so easy."

Sam prepares himself for pain.

He watches the knife move towards his balls. Sensitive skin wrinkles with the unwanted touch and tension makes his skin sweat.

"But then I would have to bring you back again."

Dean seems to give up on the idea and pull the knife away. So, he pushes Sam's right leg up, planting the sole of his foot on the bed. A touch of the knife handle on his inner thigh is enough for him to know he's to do the same with his left leg. And he's never felt so exposed before, not even at those times Dean wanted to tie him to a bed.

He holds his breath for a moment when feels the tip of the knife on his perineum, so gentle, barely there at all.

Noticing a stain on the ceiling, Sam fixes his gaze on the small imperfection. Like him.

"So perfect, Sammy."

The paradox of the century.

Cold fingers touch his skin and pull an asscheek apart, leaving him even more open. Dean's blade goes down, and clenching is an automatic reaction.

"Shh, I suggest that you relax as much as you can," Dean instructs, sounding calm and controlled.

But talking is much easier than doing when there's the tip of a fucking knife against his hole.

The stain on the ceiling has uneven edges, Sam notices. The knife does not observe any regularity, following the wishes of its owner.

Not knowing what his brother wants is perhaps the most unnerving part. The Dean who returned from Purgatory is not the same man who disappeared in that damn lab as if by magic. There are sharp edges, violence, and pleasure in killing that weren't in him before. Not on a scary frequency, anyway.

The contact stops, and his skin doesn't seem to fit him anymore. Something hard is against his lips then. Sam opens his eyes—which closed at some point without him even noticing—to find the knife handle asking for entrance and Dean looking at him.

"You better get this wet."

Sam does, knowing what comes next. But his traitor cock twitches against his belly in perspective anyway.

"Good boy."

A few more inches inside him and Sam sucks, the odd shape fucking his mouth.

"It reminds me of how much I like to see you choking on my dick, Sam."

With what he sees on his brother's face, choking on Dean's dick is the only thing that would happen during a blow job right now.

"Another day, though, because my plans for today are more interesting."

Interesting wouldn't be the right word for the events of the night.

It doesn't take long for Dean to look satisfied and return to his previous position between Sam's legs.

The finger, although familiar, is unexpected.

"Did anyone touch you here?"

The gentleness on the sensitive skin is so different from the anger he hears in Dean's voice.

Sam covers his eyes with a forearm while enjoying the pleasure that Dean's touch still causes in his body. Small circles that caress but don't penetrate him.

He means to say yes to the question, wants to tell Dean about the times when he held a delicate wrist and pressed too thin fingers where only Dean had been before just to be able to remember what he'd missed. Nights that ended up with him drunk and crying for something he would never have again.

"No, Dean." The lie comes out easy and convincing to his own ears.

"I don't know what I'd do if I found out that someone touched what they shouldn't have."

Promises of pain are what Sam hears. And he sighs relieved that he hasn't put her in danger.

Sam groans his frustration when the finger disappears, and Dean's laugh gets him out of his hiding place. And how Sam missed that mischievous look, even when it meant pranks, most of the time, in the past that seems so distant.

"Still the same little slut as always, don't you, Sammy?"

Sam tries to show neutrality he doesn't feel, not when his cock is still rock hard and his hands grab the sheets.

He's transparent, and Dean can see every detail.

"I'll give you what you need, little brother, like I always do."

Like all those times when you dumped me in a Plucky Pennywhistle to go fuck girls? Or how did you side with Dad when I got the letter saying I'd been accepted into Stanford? Or then when you didn't trust me and in my ability as a hunter?

His thoughts are interrupted by the hardness of something against his hole, and it's nothing like the finger from before or even the silicone toys that Dean liked to play with.

An image of the knife forms in Sam's mind; he knows precisely what part of the handle is going through his entrance. In principle, it's just pressure until the entire end of the handle enters. Sam grits his teeth and takes a deep breath, trying to relax. The image of the stain now is blurred by the tears that form in his eyes.

"There were only monsters there, Sammy. I missed something as perfect as this."

Perfection. The same word. But there is nothing perfect about having the handle of a knife stuck in his hole by his own brother.

A tear runs down the corner of Sam's right eye even when his vision clears, and he knows that that will be the only one tonight.

He'll make sure of this.

"Somehow…"

Dean pushes the handle further, but Sam's body begins to accept the intrusion, pain turning into a slow burn. His erection is gone, though.

"It was bloody. Messy. Thirty-one flavors of bottom-dwelling nasties. Hell, most days felt like 360-degree combat. But there was something about being there."

Sam's chest aches with what Dean says even as the movements inside him make his mind aware of the pleasure beginning to surround him again.

"It felt pure, Sammy."

Sam feels like he can't breathe. Purity. What he always wanted. But he was tainted at six months of age, and sometimes the phantom taste of demon blood is still there, impregnated in his tongue.

"I wouldn't have minded staying there longer. Killed as many sons of bitches as possible."

Dean moves the knife like a damn dildo, forcing his body to accept the strange shape. At some point, though, it's more pleasure than strangeness, insufficient to make him come, but good enough to keep him on edge.

"But I couldn't be without you anymore."

Some abrupt movement and it hurts.

Sam also can't live without Dean and the more he thinks about it, the more he's sure that neither of them can live without the other. What he'd after Dean's vanishing was not life. It was more like going through the days, an automaton in a world that no longer made sense.

"And I need you now." The wanting Sam hears in that deep voice is almost too much for him.

The handle is pulled out, still odd, but it's easier than the entrance was.

Wild eyes stare at him. "It's always you, Sammy. It all starts and ends with you."

It's more than a promise, mutual now, Sam is sure.

"On all fours."

He doesn't have much choice here, a fight—which he'll probably lose—or being mounted like a bitch in heat. The second option is the only one that makes sense, though, even when humiliation and shame burn his cheeks and his hole clenches like it gets a mind of its own.

So much time in the same uncomfortable position has an effect on Sam's legs, and they tremble as he moves into the new position, equally exposed and vulnerable.

The sound of a zipper, warmth of callused hands on his asscheeks, massaging and exposing him again, and finally, the heat and hardness that he missed so much, as difficult as it's for him to admit it. The large head touches sensitive skin, there is no waiting for permission, just taking, invading, and settling in as if that had always belonged there, but it's more like coming home, actually.

He lets out a sharp cry, and his chest falls against the sheets, too weak to fight his body coming alive after more than a fucking year of separation.

Hands find their place on his hips, though now they burn like a brand on his skin, appropriating him again. And this is when Sam allows himself to recognize he needs this as much as his brother does.

Sam can't stifle the little pathetic moan that pours out of his mouth when the stimulation on his prostate starts feeling good. Dean's cock is so present that he doesn't want to feel anything inside him other than this.

At some point, weakness turns to lust and he manages to lean on his hands again, fucking against Dean's impulses with the same ferocity. And sex has never been so savage and primal between them before. Still, he craves it with all his strength, desperate to feel something again, to feel alive again.

"It's been so long since we'd this. Fuck. Missed it, little brother."

"Me too, Dean," he admits in a wrecked voice, his orgasm building within him. "I need you…Always."

Strong arms wrap around his chest and haul him up, his back against Dean's chest, the softness of the shirt brushing against his sweaty skin. And his big brother is so solid against him, so real.

A hand wraps around his cock, sharp pain from teeth biting on his shoulder, and a groan rips through him with his climax, which is so intense that it consumes his force. Only Dean's arms keep him on his knees on the bed. Hips that barely move at all, the soft tongue that licks the bite, and Sam throws his head back on his brother's shoulder.

His eyes turn to the stain on the ceiling again, which watches them regardless of its own imperfection.

Liquid heat spreads inside him. And only now does he realize how he missed this and as well as that old feeling of belonging, one that he was able to experience just with his brother.

Sam still feels like that damn stain, however. But now he is no longer alone in his imperfection and impurity because Dean is like him. There is no life for any of them without the other. And Sam can accept who he is once and for all.

#wincest #dark dean winchester #dubious consent #bottom!sam #top!dean #lemon

[rogue-barnes-16]

BLUE

Summary: Y/n tries to bury her feelings after making a terribly bad decision about Bucky that destroyed what they had. It backfires in the worst possible way.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Genre: 90% angst

Tags:

Submitted for @blushycarol's writing challenge.

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, makeout, implicit sex, feels™️

A/N: this is my prompted songfic for blushycarol's writing challenge! It took a turn like, ngl I did whatever the fuck I wanted with the song but it fits so there it goes, enjoy <3.

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

We've broken up and now I regret it

I said goodbye when I shouldn't have said it

"I fixed your boy. He's awake now." She spoke through the wakandan device. "Figured you'd want to see him."

Yeah, it was the princess of Wakanda herself who decided to call me —not even Steve, me— to inform me that the man I loved had finally awaken.

A couple of hours later, T'challa did with Steve the same thing Shuri had done with me, and soon we both left to reach the hidden city.

We met with Bucky.

Steve cried a couple of times, Bucky laughed in a few occasions, and I stayed rather quiet almost the entire time.

After two days, Steve left with the promise of coming back, but I stayed just because I had missed him so much, I didn't feel like saying goodbye just yet.

Despite this, we didn't talk much in those months I had stayed with him. It wasn't like we spoke a lot before, but now it felt different.

I knew why; it was because of me. Because maybe, just maybe, I was terrified that this new version of him, that healed James Barnes, wouldn't love me like his broken self did.

We had reached a point where I didn't know what we were any longer, and I was 100% sure that the feeling was mutual, we were just too scared to talk it out.

I took the easiest, most despicable way and, one morning, I left Wakanda, hoping to spare my heart and breaking his in the process.

A week later I was back, suited up and ready to fight the deadliest threat I would have faced in my whole life.

I survived.

Bucky didn't, and the only thing I could think was that had lost him, and the last words I said to him were 'this is over, I'm leaving you'.

Five Years Later

I even cried but I never meant it

And I don't know why but I can't forget it, forget it

When Fury paired us to go on a mission, I thought it would be easy due to the action, but it turned out to be a watch, and suddenly everything was ten times more difficult.

We had been in silence for at least a long, tedious hour, in a dark room with two windows, waiting for the target to appear, when Bucky spoke.

"Is it true?" I, pretty much confused, turned my head to him, whose eyes were already on me, his back reclined against the wall before me. "that you cried for me." his voice held kinds of fear that I had never heard in him.

"who told you that?" I inquired, starting to get anxious because no one was supposed to know that; no one had seen me breaking down every night for months because of him.

"Steve." he replied, digging his eyes on mines. "Did you?"

My fight or flight instincts made me shook my head no as an initial response, only because of the sudden panic flooding through my veins. "I mean yes- I- no I mean I- I cried for everyone and I just... it-" I attempted to calm myself down before letting out a propper sentence. "it meant nothing. I did, I just didn't... I felt guilty" I finished, my heart racing and pounding as if it would leave my chest. "for everyone I couldn't save."

He didn't say anything else, nor did I.

After our short chat everything was even worse, because I was no longer focused now that the sorrow I had felt those nights was replaying in my head non-stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self esteem

We remained distant, but at some point, Bucky started to compliment me, to make nice comments, to give me quick smiles and fast 'thank you's, and I would be lying if I said I didn't treasure them.

"You look... great." He'd shyly say whenever I got dolled up.

"Great shot" he would state breathless, passing me by during a mission, to which I would just nod. "Thank for having my back."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Your hair..." he once trailed off with a frown, resting his elbows over the counter.

"yeah, I needed a change." for a second, the part of me I had hidden crawled up to the surface and I asked. "You... Don't like it?"

"No- I mean yes- I- I really like it." he assured me with bittersweet smile. "It fits you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme good and pure, what you waiting for?

Gimme everything, all your heart can bring

Something good and true

I don't wanna feel blue anymore

"Barnes and you." Sharon spoke, closing the pantry's door behind her.

"what?" I questioned, turning to her for a moment while she raised her eyebrow at me.

"what are you playing at, Y/n?" she asked, a bit of concern being noticeable in her tone.

We weren't close. No, no we hadn't grown closer, but I sometimes would sit right besides him during Saturday's take-out night, near enough for our thighs to brush.

I'd let him play with my hair from time to time, I'd allow him to come to my room in the middle of the night to lay with me after a nightmare here and there.

I wouldn't complain when his hands held my cheeks in the aftermath of a rough mission, his eyes scanning me with worry and sorrow while pain would most likely be rushing through my body.

I wouldn't scold him if he ever picked me up to carry me into the medical wing after I had gotten injured, even if I could walk. Maybe I would even cling on his neck, feeling his heartbeat fastening.

"We're not playing." I replied noctant, pouring four glasses of wine for all of us.

"Y/n" I sighed. "why are you doin' this to him? You're gonna hurt him and you."

"I don't wanna feel blue." I confessed in a mutter. "no one'll get hurt, I just... Need what he gives me."

Sharon stared at me dumbfounded for a couple of seconds before shaking her head and leaving, mumbling something my ears couldn't catch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme one more night

One last goodbye

Let's do it one last time

Let's do it one last time

One more time

It was during Sam's birthday that I gathered the courage to do what I, deep inside, so badly wanted to do.

I saw my opportunity the moment Bucky approached the barcounter to grab some random drink.

I left mine on a shelf and rushed to reach him and I passed by him, but on my way out of the room, my hand discreetly found his and tugged him with me.

I didn't stop until we reached the nearest room , which happened to be the bathroom.

Without a word, I got him inside and closed the door, backing against it and, with his fingers still intertwined with mine, I pulled Bucky into a kiss.

He stopped after a few seconds. His eyes were sad as he gazed into mines, and I felt a lump in my throat.

"I..." my attempt to speak triggered my tears, and his response was to cares my cheeks and peck my lips.

The terror I had felt 5 years ago of me not being good enough for him to love me anymore came back. My heart pounded against my chest, the voice in the back of my head simultaneously begging me to stop.

"I need this... Just..." I fisted his shirt, bringing him closer to me. "one last time... Please I-"

"are you drunk right now?" he questioned, putting a strand of hair away from my face.

"No." I half lied, pulling him to me into a needy kiss which quickly escalated.

No, I don't love you

No, I don't care

I just want to be held when I'm scared

And all I want is one night with you

Just 'cause I'm selfish

I know it's true

What had happened in the party was never spoken about, nor mentioned.

We had swept it under the rug for both of our sakes —mostly for mine.

We didn't sleep together again, but in very few occasions, I would end up tugging him to some dark place where we were alone and make out until I was out of breath.

Each time that happened, for some reason I didn't understand, Bucky always whispered me the same question.

"Do you love me?"

To which I answered a breathless, painful 'no' that would most likely end up crushing my heart because of the heavy weight that lie carried.

My nightmares at some point had gotten worse, now involving Bucky getting hurt almost every time, so, whenever I woke up in cold sweat with tears in my eyes, gasping his name, I would make my way to his room and lay down besides him.

He would wake up the moment my body touched the mattress, and, as soon as I was under the sheets, he would pull me into his chest with his arms around me, asking me the same question every time.

"what was it about?"

To which I selfishly responded with:

"don't wanna talk. Just hold me, please."

I'm sick of looking after you

I need a man to hold on to

I'm bored of everything we do

But I just keep coming back to you

The first time I snuck under his sheets I promised myself it would be just that one night, that I would allow myself to be so fucking selfish just for one night, but his embrace was so comforting, so welcoming, and his heartbeat and breathing were so soothing, that I ended up being selfish every damn time.

One night, instead of reaching his room scared and trembling, I reached it with anger and frustration taking over my body.

I shut the door loud enough to make him sit upright, staring at me concerned.

"I'm fucking tired of this" I growled. "I'm tired of this nightmares, I'm sick of seeing you dying, I'm fucking done with looking after you in every mission more than I look after myself" I reached a point where I was close to shout as I stepped to the bed. "I want this to fucking stop!"

"Y/n-"

"I can't keep up with this anymore, I'm going crazy because it's ALWAYS THE SAME SHIT."

"You're tired." he stated, climbing off the bed to hesitantly step to me. "You need to sleep."

"I need to fucking get this off my damn chest!" a choked sob escaped my lips. "I keep coming back to you and I hate myself because of this! Because this is my fault!"

"Y/n please..." he wrapped his arms around me and I fought him a little before giving in, breaking down to tears the moment he kissed my temple.

"I was so scared of you not loving me anymore that I fucked everything up" I managed to explain in a vague mumble between sobs. "You're okay and I was fucking scared of not being good enough- I still am... I just keep making it worse!"

He stroke my hair and pulled me even closer. "Doll..."

The door few open and I heard Sam's voice behind me. "What was that? Are you-" Bucky shook my head over me and signaled Sam to leave.

"I love you so much please I'm sorry" he pulled me to the bed without letting go of me and threw the blanket over us.

"I know you do." he assured me intertwining his fingers with mines and placing a kiss on my knuckles. "I love you. I always will." he whispered soothingly.

Gimme everything, all your heart can bring

Something good and true

I don't wanna feel blue anymore 

#blushycarol's writing challenge #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes song fic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut #Bucky Barnes x you #Bucky Barnes angst #Bucky Barnes fic #James Barnes x reader #James Barnes x you #Winter soldier x you #Winter soldier x reader #White wolf x reader #Winter soldier smut #Winter soldier angst #Sebastian Stan x reader #Writing challenge #Marvel masterlist #Mcu fic #Avengers masterlist

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Addicted Michael Langdon (Rock Star AU) x Reader

Warnings: drug use, overdose, death, smut

A/N: I don't remember right off hand exactly which blog in this fandom started the rockstar Michael concept but decided to give this type of an idea a shot. Note that yes there is drug use and overdose involved resulting in death because of an action taken on reader. This could be triggering to some, might want tissues handy cause it is sad boy hours on this one folks. As always send feedback much love and thanks for reading my fics guys! Note the lyrics used are from Learning To Fly by Pink Floyd.

//Into the distance a ribbon of black

Stretched to the point of no turning back

A flight of fancy on a windswept field

Standing alone my senses reeled

A fatal attraction is holding me fast how

How can I escape this irresistible grasp?//

Y/N looked on in mute horror. Horror was something she had not felt before in her life. There he was, almost catatonic, a look of aloof disinterest on his otherwise flawless and beautiful face. In his left hand a small bottle was loosely clutched, open, contents scattered upon the ground below. His hair was dishevelled, his upper body unclothed, a trail of saliva dripping from his slightly-parted mouth onto his chest. His unblinking gaze stared at something beyond focus, something only he was seeing.

What what happened? She asked in a cautious whisper. She gently plucked the small bottle out of his hand, realising he had overdosed. Purposely overdosed. What could have happened to drive Michael to such reckless, illogical behaviour? What drove this normally calm and deliberate person to such an abrupt, impromptu act? What demanded such drastic and permanent release?

It was too late. She knew it was too late. Not knowing what to do for such circumstances normally, Y/N only looked on helplessly, slowly crouching down by his side. She tentatively reached out and touched his bare shoulder.

Cold  both her fingertips and his skin. The two of them were both abnormally cool-blooded, he had penetrating and yet distant blue eyes,  fair skin and fine features. And yet he was colder than was normal for the two of them.He gave her no response, didn’t register her presence.

Taking a firmer grip, she shook him gently, knowing he wouldn’t respond. He lost the balance from his precarious position, haphazardly propped against a fallen chair. His right arm, previously draped across a side of the chair, smacked the ground with a sickeningly final thud. She caught his head against her chest, his head lolling down and to the side as if he wanted to suck on her breast. He was heavier than she remembered. She couldn’t think of why this could be.

She cradled him, rocking back and forth slightly. A tightness grew in her stomach and throat, a cold shiver ran down her spine. Her breath was suddenly shaky and her mouth grew dry. A tear froze as it formed at the corner of her eye, falling and shattering upon impacting against the colder-still floor. “Michael… please please wake up,” she stated desperately.

She closed her mind thinking back to the first time they had met, both of them were junkies it seemed to be one of the few things that kept them together asides from the sex. They may have a toxic relationship but like a moth to a flame she was drawn to him and she kept coming back for more.

2 years ago...

‘I need it so badly, and I need to see him, be near him.’

I want to find another dealer, but I can't bring myself to look. I just keep coming back.

I love him. I don't know if he knows it, but I do. With all of my heart.

I took my first fix to impress him. I don't care that I’m an addict; it gives me an excuse to see him.

And I do see him. Almost every day.

I let myself fall into the delusion that he loved me too, at first. When we met, in a bar, he gave me some crack. I liked it, of course, and he told me where I could see him and get more.

At first he just scared me, but gradually I started to look forward to going to see him to see him, as well as to get my fix.

I was a virgin. One night I gave that to him, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. But when I woke up the next morning, he handed me about three weeks worth and told me I’d earned it all. I slapped him, but he just laughed and said he’d see me soon.

I held off the stuff for about a week, and then I couldn't do it anymore. It was even better than it had been the first time around.

When I ran out I went back to him, same as I always had before, with my money in my backpack.

He smirked, and told me I didn't need to give him any money, looking my body over knowingly. I was so tempted to do it. “Are you brave Y/N?” He asked me not taking his eyes off of mine. I looked at him nervously “why do you ask?” My stomach was tied in knots an excited feeling rushed through my veins.

“You want some of this?" He held up the small baggie to my eyes, which contained a fairly sized black hunk of something. I didn't have to ask him to know what it was.He had the sexiest face when he was offering you drugs, a straight, poker face, with a little smirk that just screamed "Come on, you know you want to,". I chewed at my bottom lip contemplating it for a moment. "Come on, it's the greatest feeling ever. I'll shoot it for you and everything, I guarantee you won't be able to move for the next hour, I swear. It's the best, no lie." Michael urged me.

I hesitated slightly, my heart thundering against my ribs. Everything in my brain was screaming 'NO! You idiot! Remember health class?' "Awh hell, off to the races!" I said, laughing, and instantly feeling a rush of anxiety. Michael laughed, "Yeah, you want this," and then he pulled out a spoon from his pocket, breaking off a chunk of the black tar heroin and setting it in the spoon to melt it down. He was always so cocky, but it suited his personality.

My stomach was starting to feel funny from all the adrenaline pumping though my body as he patiently turned the black mass into a liquid; I hadn't felt this antsy since the last time we were tweaking out on shards. I couldn't believe I was about to do this; one hit and I could be addicted.

Before I knew it, Michael had taken a hold of my left wrist and was holding my arm out straight, tapping against the main vein in my elbow until it was raised and throbbing.

"You're gonna want to look away for this," he said, as he held up a small syringe he'd filled with the drug. "This is gonna be like nothing you've ever felt before."

I smiled, and said "Hell yes," before I looked up into his eyes. He met my gaze, his blue eyes distracting me from where the needle was going. I felt the pinch, and winced slightly.

“You're ok, you will be ok Y/N," he said, he smiled, still staring into my eyes. "Eyes right here."

I stared back, smiled, and felt the needle being withdrawn from my arm. I exhaled slowly, wondering when it was supposed to take effect--

The rush of euphoria you get from shooting up heroin is unlike anything else. You could be going through horrible withdrawals, but after you see that red cloud of blood erupt in the syringe, you’ll feel like you're on top of the world in seconds. You feel weightless, and warm, and safe.

“How you feeling Y/N?" Michael asked, getting down to my level to look me in the eye, his smirk setting my nerve endings on fire. ‘fuck why is it that his smirk damn near destroys me?’ I thought to myself. I tried to speak, but my mouth wasn't working with my brain...or, my brain wasn't working with my mouth. Actually, I don't think my brain was working at this point at all, it was all just too slow. Even my tongue felt heavy.

It seemed like a long time passed, I heard Michael opening up the small baggie once again, heard the lighter click to life, closed my eyes and felt my breathing, watching the colors dance past my eyes as I heard him hiss from the needle, heard the THUMP as he hit the floor.

A few moments had passed then I saw Michael get up from the floor, and plop down onto the end of the bed, smiling and looking down at me. I looked back up at him, and in my mind a vague feeling was starting to swim around, to spark to roaring life amidst the haze that I was feeling everywhere else.

“You feelin' good?" He asked, tilting his head and grinning at me in the way he always did after witnessing me getting fucked up in some way or another. A grin that said, 'Now that's what I'm talking about', before always asking the same question; You feeling good?

I tried to wrap my mind around how I was feeling, to grasp at how hot it was starting to feel between my legs, how when I arched my back upward I wanted something to be there, to be in the space between my legs, in the heat and the wet, to fill me up, make me moan.

And without really meaning to, I did moan. I let out a low, hungry growl, closing my eyes and allowing my head to fall backward.

Michael chuckled, a low, almost animalistic sound. “Y/N...you want to fuck don't you?" I didn't respond, merely laid there, eyes still closed, feeling my head fall to the side, my nose against my right bicep. It was so hot, I could hear myself panting, feel it in my breasts as they rose and fell with my breath.

"Yeeeeeaaaaahh, you wanna fuck," I heard Michael  say, his words long and drawn out. "You're so horny right now it's driving you out of your Goddamn mind, isn't it?"

I heard myself moan again, still unable to think my way out of the warm cloud that had settled over my body. All I knew was that I wanted a dick, a hard, long, thick dick, shoved into my pussy, and I wanted it now. I gave a small growl of frustration, arching my back upward again.

Michael takes hold of my wrist all of a sudden, forcing me to still. Then he lowers my arm, meeting my stare in the dimness of lamplight shining from a table. “You look like you have somethin’ you wanna say, Miss Y/N.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “Do I?” “Yeah. Do you?” “I – I.” I was unable to formulate a complete sentence. God he’s beautiful. I’m mesmerized. Enthralled. Captivated. Whatever this emotion of want is.

Long, blonde hair dusts him all over. Glazed in a sheen of sweat.“Oh…” I’m at a loss for words, so awestruck. He begins undressing himself,His hands are on his belt, undoing the buckle. His trousers sag some, slipping down his waist.I close the distance between us, pushing aside his trembling hands to use mine. I undo his belt then unfasten the button of his trousers, letting them fall around his ankles.

Michael looks at me he holds my face in his big, calloused hands. “You can’t be real.” “No?” “No. You have to just be some illusion I’ve thought of. You’ll disappear soon.” “I don’t think I’m leaving, Michael,” I confess, voice breathless. His touch is like fire, letting me feel that more than I desire.

I flush with heat, taking in the truth that he’s naked now. Naked. In front of me.“You wanna join, darlin’?” “J – Join?” He gently traces his fingertips across my arm I can't help but shiver “yeah you look cold  guess even angels need warmth, huh?” he narrowed his gaze on me, he stretches out an arm to grab my wrist. He pulls me into him, sitting up to hold me in his strong arms. Heat blooms all over my skin as he embraces me from behind, sensations I had thought I lost or maybe never realized I had.

He makes it seem like I have nothing to be afraid of. Nothing to do but relent, to surrender and release the tension I’ve been holding in. His breath warms my ear, tousling strands of hair. He moves closer, pinning me to the wall. I hold in all the breath I can as his scent overwhelms me, musk and oil and smoke. He has one arm over my head, bracing his position over me. His other hand rests near my abdomen, hovering over his shirt that I have on. His blue gaze doesn’t leave mine. “Can I touch you?” I blink, dark lashes fanning out tears. “I – I’ve never been touched like this.” “Never?” “No.” 'sure we had had sex before but this moment seemed different electrified. This was the first time he even really touched me at least like this… so soft, so sensual.

“You – You don’t have to.” I managed to stutter out awkwardly. “I can. You look like you want me to. You have for a while. It doesn’t have to be more than this, and I don’t mind doin’ it for you.” His touch is like fire, as before. That tingling that I hunger for. The licks of heat over my skin sets my nerve endings on fire. His rough fingers slither over my slit, forcing me to let out a muffled noise as I shudder. “Want me to stop?” “No. No. More… do more.”

He pushes closer, leaving no space amid us. His teeth sink into my throat, biting sensitive areas I didn’t know I wanted to be bitten. I arch my back, bending a little as he presses a knee between my thighs.He rubs, for a few minutes. Stroking. Caressing.He nibbles my neck, the muscle that runs down to my shoulder. His shirt falls off of me some, slipping off the shoulder his mouth is on. I rest my palms on his chest, nails scratching over his skin. He hisses then sucks beneath my ear, licking his tongue back and forth. “Oh, Michael,” I moan my breath becoming more rapid making me almost dizzy.

He parts me with his fingers, rubbing the warm slick that’s dripping out of me. “God, Y/N. You moan like an angel.” He pushes one thick digit into me, then another. Stretching me, he thrusts in and out at a slow pace. I fall into a haze of bliss, drowned in the blazing sensations that wash over me. I move my hips in time with his hand, finding a tempo with him. A blinding crescendo rises and rises. Hotter. Brighter. ”I’m so close, so close –”  Then the flat of his thumb circles over my clit and I scream, coming undone.

This was an all new heightened sensation, and throughout our relationship it seemed the more we experimented with different drugs the more the sexual connection we had seemed to get more and more intense. Hell we were just as addicted to the sex as much as the drugs. To be honest I think we tried just about everything, Crystal meth, shrooms, coke, mollies you name it then most likely we had tried it. But it seemed like nothing was enough, another fix needed to keep the euphoric rush going. Each time more and more it seemed like he needed, like a junkie he couldn't seem to get enough. But it seemed heroin was always his vice, his ultimate fix of choice.

Being on heroin is akin to being in a toxic relationship. You start off knowing you're playing with fire, but you tell yourself it’ll be casual and you have more will power than to let yourself fall into addiction. Unfortunately, the pull of heroin is stronger than you, and by the time you realize you’ve lost control, you already lost it a long time ago. This kind of end was not for the likes of him. In one long continuous movement she eased him to the ground, laying him on his back and lovingly straddled him. She had one hand pressed against his cold chest, the other gripping the handle of the blade. Her hand wavered a little as it hovered above his chest. She glanced away, eyes a little misted by tears that were unaccustomed to forming, and thus shy of coming out.

Die by the blade, she whispered barely audibly. He never was much of a fighter she was the warrior of unparalleled potential of the two of them and yet she believed, she knew, that he wouldn't want it any other way either.

With one efficient movement, she plunged the blade neatly into his heart. She opened her eyes with a start, sharply glancing down at him as she felt a tensing beneath her and the slightest of hitched gasps. His eyes, free of the madness, clear of the haze, looked back at her with such a whirlpool of emotions and questions she nearly choked on a gasp of her own. She felt a new horror. A new kind of chill. She couldn't find her voice, and wouldn't have known what to say anyway. She looked back into his eyes, silently pleading.

“Michael Langdon?”

Questioning turned to acceptant understanding, forgiveness, and finally to a slightly guilty apology. The corner of his lips twitched into the briefest of smiles, as if trying to reassure her that everything would be fine.

“L-love,you.”

His eyes glazed over again. This time he wouldn’t be waking up for her again. The crimson trickled over his skin and stained her sleeves and her skirts. Never had she made such a costly error of judgement.

Michael Langdon died of an overdose. A plaque in his memory was put up, reading, “There is no substitute” Unfortunately for music fans, as well as the family and friends of the victims, too many singers have died before their time either directly or indirectly because of drug use and abuse.

Michael Langdon

The raspy voiced rocker died at the age of 27,  from a heroin overdose. Born Michael Reese Langdon, but known as “Mick” to his friends and family, Joplin is famous for some of his hit singles such as “Tear Me To Pieces,”Come Undone With Me” “Cry,” “ Asphixiate, “Bring Me To My Knees,” and his personal  favorite, “Sex Goddess.” In 2017, Rolling Stone magazine ranked him #46 on their list of the 100 Greatest Artists of All Time.

#ahs #ahs apocalypse #michael langdon #cody fern #fan fiction #rockstar #au

[justlovemewrite]

wrapped up | 3

title: wrapped up member: d.o length: 4k genre: angst, fluff, smut (in that order ?)

a/n: well here’s wrapping it up (hehe) sdfgh im nervous + one of these days my chars will have protected sex. that day is still not today

part one — two — three

But if that was all he was giving… then it was enough. Kyungsoo your friend was better than no Kyungsoo at all. And you were not going to jeopardise that with your stupid, unnecessary feelings. You were—you were probably still reeling from the mess of emotions yesterday had been. That was it. No more of this.

You could fix this.

You had to.

You emerged with a smile pasted on your face. Kyungsoo was back in your robe now, chopping vegetables, eggs gathered in a bowl next to him. "What's for breakfast!" you asked with a clap, looking over your counter.

"You know you have almost nothing in your fridge?" You made a defensive noise, averting your gaze as he chuckled, keeping his focus on the sharp knife in his hand. You hadn't done a lot of shopping recently, mostly since you had tried to wrap yourself up in work as a distraction from all your messy feelings—also as you were used to going grocery shopping with Kyungsoo, who could always tell a good tomato from a bad one.

"I have lots of leftovers!" It was your primary mode of feeding yourself when left alone: make something in very large quantities and heat it over and over for the rest of the week. It was boring, but it worked. Kyungsoo, who loved food and cooking for some reason you didn't understand, hadn't lived like that since college when none of you had the time to cook.

"We're not having leftovers for breakfast.” He shuddered dramatically. “Eggs, and you can toast some bread for us. It's the best I could do with what I had."

"What would I do without my own Soo chef?" you asked, ignoring his snort and moving past him to grab your bread.

"Hopefully not starve." You rolled your eyes at the speech you'd heard more than once, something which went right out of your other ear by now. You stayed on standby with the bread, waiting for him to start on the eggs so the bread wouldn't cool before they were done.

A call rang out, Kyungsoo's ringtone loud in the quiet morning, and he handed you his spatula as he went to pick it up. You stirred the vegetables, looking up when he appeared by your counter again. "Work?"

"Yeah. They were just calling to let me know they're not opening today and not to come in—storm, you know." He switched places with you, taking out an egg to crack into the pan. You started the toaster, climbing back onto the counter.

"Only you would get a call from work telling you not to come in when there's a storm out. Most people just assume." Kyungsoo shook his head, ignoring you and your remark. "What are you recording these days?"

He hummed. "This Chinese novel they're translating. You'd love it." You laughed. You tended to hate the books he recorded, buying the audiobooks out of a sense of loyalty—though he insisted every time that you didn't have to—and cringing your way through them. The last time you had enjoyed a book he had recorded was a year ago, a crime thriller.

"I still don't know how you read those out with a straight face."

He snorted and said, "Practice." The two of you fell silent after that, you grabbing two plates once the toast was done and taking them to him. He served the both of you, and you carried your plates to the coffee table as Kyungsoo covered the remaining eggs.

"What are we watching?" you asked, getting your laptop out.

He hummed, going to pull the curtains shut, then said, "Singin' In The Rain?"

"Cool." Between the two of you alone and together, you must have watched Singin' In The Rain at least fifty times. It had become your go-to when there was nothing to watch; both of you may have memorised most of the dialogue, but there was something satisfying about the sheer drama of this film no matter how many times you watched it. You set it up and sat back as the opening credits began, placing the pillows and blankets you'd given Kyungsoo up so you could both lean on them, making space for him.

He left just enough space between you that none of you would touch except for your elbows. It was probably not intentional—and you were not going to think about it.

The two of you were mostly silent for the first half of the movie as you ate, with the exception of some whispering of lines above the film, but as your eggs disappeared the both of you began to talk softly, just enough that you weren't louder than the movie. It was mostly small-talk, Chanyeol being back in town the next weekend, how your family was, how his brother was doing, if you'd finished that book you'd been reading. You relaxed, slowly, but you did, sinking back into the couch so your shoulder brushed the thick fabric of his robe. Kyungsoo seemed to be relaxing as well, body fitting back into your couch, where there was practically a dent from how many times the both of you had sat exactly like this.

As the screening scene—one of your favourite scenes—arrived, the both of you fell silent, only mimicking the lines.

"But the night is full of our enemies," Kyungsoo started in a nasal tone as the line arrived, mimicking Lina exactly. You laughed along with the audience in the film, shaking your head.

"Imperious princess of the night..." you trailed off as Don said the same thing—the very words—you had, but to laughter instead of silence. You pressed your lips shut together, something painful churning in your gut as Kyungsoo slowly stiffened beside you. How many times had the two of you watched this, repeated these exact lines? Now you couldn't, and all because you'd made the mistake of saying it once for real, no playacting or joking.

There was an abrupt beeping from the next room, and you shot off the couch, upsetting your laptop. "That'll be your clothes," you said, and all but sprinted out of the room.

You sorted through the clothes, pulling your own out and throwing them into a basket. You'd fold them later. Later, when you weren't about to explode.

Why had you said it?

At the time, you hadn't realised the mistake you were making. Kyungsoo had gone to throw your washcloth in the laundry, and you'd been lying in bed, sleepy and happy and questioning nothing and hoping for—everything. With him. And he had returned to the bed, lying next to you with something in his eyes that you had mistaken for love, and when he had cupped your face in his warm hand, you had said: I love you.

He hadn't said anything—only stared at you for a moment, then gone to sleep. When you woke up, he was gone, and wouldn't pick up your calls or respond to your texts. And that had been that.

You were still standing there, his clothes in your hands, when Kyungsoo appeared in the door, eyes dark and distant. You blinked up at him, then stretched your hand out to him. "Sorry," you said. "Here are your clothes. I got distracted."

He took the clothes from your hand, and started untying the robe as if he was in some sort of daze. You made to leave, standing outside the door, pressed to the wall. Half your body hurt. You couldn't move if you tried, but you had to, you weren't going to just stand here when Kyungsoo was inside changing, he hadn't even shut the door.

Why was he in a daze? You could explain yourself, but...

Before you could move, Kyungsoo appeared in the door, only half-changed. The shirt was crumpled in his hands. "I can't do this. I know—I know I said I'd put this behind us, but Y/N, I can't. I need to know."

His eyes were almost pleading. You took a deep breath. "Need to know what?"

"Why did you lie?"

Your heart sank. Did he mean—no. He couldn't mean that, could he? Why would he think you had lied? Was he just hoping you had lied so he wouldn't really be breaking your heart? "When did I lie, Kyungsoo?"

"You really don't know?"

He'd asked you this last night, too, but everything about this was different. Your heart was about to fall out of your chest. You shook your head: no.

"When you told me you loved me."

You hadn't lied. Why would you? But—he had been hurt by it. Why would he be hurt by it? Were your feelings so awful to him? You bit your lip to keep your eyes from tearing up, but they did nonetheless. You looked away, down to your feet so he wouldn't see, nevermind that he probably knew you were crying, anyway? "Did that hurt you that much?" Your voice shook more than you would have liked.

"You—you had to know it would. You know how I feel about you."

You did. You knew—that was why you had hidden your feelings for so long. Apparently you should have continued it. What would have happened if you had said nothing, kept your mouth shut? Maybe you would have been spending time as usual these last few weeks. Maybe you'd have realised your relationship wasn't progressing anytime soon and accepted it, continuing to bury your feelings.

Maybe it was best that way. You took a breath, blinking your tears away, and looked back up at him. "That's not the end, though, right? I didn't fuck us up forever? I'm sorry, Soo, I know I shouldn't have said that, but—we can pretend I didn't, right? We just go back to—"

Kyungsoo let out a long sigh, closing his eyes. "It's not that easy."

"I can't lose you, Kyungsoo. You're—you're my best friend. You're too important for us to just fall apart because of this one thing."

Kyungsoo opened his eyes, looking at you sadly. You took another deep breath to stop more tears. "It's not just one thing to me. I can't—"

"Please, please. I don't want to hurt you, you know that, I just—these last few weeks have been awful. I missed you so much, this whole time, and we haven't even tried to fix this. It's not fair that you're deciding that we can't without at least trying. I'll make myself okay with how you feel. And you do the same, and we'll go back to being—"

"Friends?"

You nodded weakly. "Friends."

"That's a problem. I don't think I can be friends with you anymore." You looked up at him, heart dropping abruptly. "You don't get it. You keep saying you want your friend back, but you—I can't forget it all. We slept together, Y/N. That's not nothing. And you told me you loved me. That's not—I can't forget that."

"Why not?" you asked, voice breaking again. Kyungsoo started to raise his hand as the tears began to overflow, but stopped, clearly too hesitant to be affectionate toward you now. You wiped the stupid tears away yourself, wishing you could speak clearly, without your vision obstructed and your throat closed and this terrible ache right in the center of your chest. "If I can forget, why can't you? Why is it harder for you than me? Why am I the only one who's fighting here, when I'm the one who—"

"I can't forget what you said because I'm in love with you!"

It was like time stopped.

"Kyungsoo—" you started, but your voice caught in your throat.

"I said it, okay. I'm in love with you. I have been—I've felt this way for a while. And I know you know, and I know you don't feel that way. I don't expect anything from you, I never have. But you knew how I felt, so why did you say that to me? You had to know that would hurt me."

"Soo, I..." you broke off, the bubble in your throat stopping words from coming out. Were you still crying? Your chest hurt, but in a completely different way. "You've got it all wrong," you managed in the end. "I had no idea."

Kyungsoo blinked, "How could you—"

You cut him off. "No, I—I didn't know. I thought... this whole time, you've been talking about my feelings for you... my feelings of friendship?" Kyungsoo nodded, and you shook your head, more tears slipping past your cheeks. "You've got it wrong, Soo. I'm in love with you. I have been for a while, but I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of what we have. And then that day you were looking at me and I just... couldn't hide it. So I told you."

Kyungsoo was frozen still. "You told me... you confessed to me." You nodded, wiping at your tears still. "And I left."

You swallowed. "I thought you meant—I thought you didn't want to tell me you didn't feel the same way. And then you wouldn't pick up my calls, and I... I thought you were scared. All this time, I thought you couldn't look past the fact that I'm in love with you."

"No, I—" Kyungsoo cut off, looking at you like he had just run a marathon. "You—I thought you wanted me to forget my feelings." You couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of you, shaking your head as he stepped closer to you. He slowly brought his hands up to your side, pulling you closer. You went, dropping your hands onto his chest. Were you breathing?

"You have feelings for me," you repeated, staring up at him. When Kyungsoo nodded, pulling you closer still, you let out another giggle, tapping his chest. "How did I not see it? You're terrible at pretending anything."

"Yeah, even that I'm in love with you." Kyungsoo said. "You—we were pretending to date. Why do you think it was always so easy to me?" Your mind flashed to every single time he had smiled and introduced you as his girlfriend, every single time his affectionate gaze on you had felt a little too real—because it was.

You gasped. The bubble in your chest kept growing bigger and bigger. "Oh my god. I... I completely fell for it. Are you sure you're a voice-actor, not a face actor?"

Kyungsoo laughed, bringing a hand up to your face to run his thumb down your cheek. "Face actor."

"Shut up!" You felt like you could be flying as you pressed your forehead to his chest. "I'm really embarrassed right now—do you know how much I've been crying in the last few weeks? I thought you wanted nothing to do with me since you found out!"

Kyungsoo stopped laughing at that, pulling your face up to his and giving you a soft look as he wiped away the trails your tears had left. "I'm sorry. I should have—stayed and talked to you, or asked you, or said something. I was just scared."

You shook your head. "I was scared too. I'd been hiding it this whole time, and then I said something, and... you know what? We should just never hide things from each other again. It only makes a mess."

Kyungsoo chuckled once, leaning closer to you. "Then in the interest of showing my feelings openly..." he trailed off, looking at you with the same intent you had seen in his eyes earlier—on that night, but now coloured with affection that you hadn't known how to see then. "Can I kiss you?"

You grinned up at him. "Yes."

Kyungsoo kissed like he did everything; with dedication. You knew this already, but you could appreciate it better now. You leaned into him, letting your hands wander down his chest, stopping at his waist to keep him close. His pulled your bottom lip between his, licking into your mouth, deepening the kiss. One of his hands descended to the small of your back, pressing you to him. Your bodies were pressed together chest to hip, and the kiss that had been sweet one second turned into something else, making you want to be closer, closer.

When you broke away to breathe, Kyungsoo was heaving, his eyes still shut. You giggled at the way he was trying to get himself under control, pressing a few light kisses to his jaw as you did. Kyungsoo's hand tightened on your back, keeping you pressed to him. You didn't mind—he was radiating body heat, and you chased it with your lips, leaving open-mouthed kisses down his neck. "Y/N," he said, voice low and deep enough to send a thrill of heat through you. "We should," he paused as you nipped at the skin between his neck and shoulder. "We should maybe—slow down."

You leaned back for a second, giving him a pout. His eyes opened slowly at the loss of your lips—and met you with heat that might as well set fire to your insides. You'd never seen him look like that. Like he wanted to devour you. You shivered. "Are you sure you want to?"

He kissed the pout off your lips, but it was only a moment before he pulled away. "No," he admitted, and you laughed at the bluntness. "But if you keep kissing me like that, I don't think we'll be able to stop. And I thought you might want to... take it slow."

He was so sweet your heart was about to overflow any second—but he was also wrong about what you wanted. You leaned your head back, giving him a look. "I've wanted to do this for months, and I'm pretty sure you have, too. We can take it slow later, okay? Right now, just—kiss me."

Kyungsoo had no problems listening to you there. He was back on you immediately, turning the two of you around so you were pressed into the wall, him hovering above you. You pulled him closer to you until you were all but pressed together again, his lips on yours and his hands holding you to the wall and to him and his scent around you. You groaned out his name when he pulled away from your mouth to trace a pattern on your skin, tugging at your earlobe with his lips and kissing down your neck. At the sound he swore, pressing you harder into the wall, his hips pushing into yours.

He was hardening, you could feel it, as you moved your hips best you could to grind on him. Soo pulled away from your neck, giving you a look before he moved back to capture your mouth, moving one leg between yours so you couldn't move against him. You ground shamelessly down on his leg, satisfied when Kyungsoo groaned into your mouth.

"Bed," you said. He nodded, barely pulling away from you. You took a step back and tripped, your legs dangerously unsteady, and Kyungsoo let out a low laugh as he realised just what state he'd brought you to. That tone travelled straight to your core, and you took a deep, shaky breath as you stepped over the clothes on the ground and pulled him backward, to your bedroom. Kyungsoo pushed the door shut and pressed you to it, already kissing you again. His hands disappeared under your shirt, kneading your waist, and you groaned into his mouth. "Bed," you insisted, pulling away from his mouth for a moment. Kyungsoo nodded but didn't move, pulling off your shirt and throwing it somewhere behind him, then sliding the straps of your bra down your arms.

Your stomach constricted as he licked his lips, looking down at you, and you grabbed his arms, turning around and pulling the both of you to the bed. Kyungsoo followed, landing just on top of you, his erection rubbing against your leg through his sweat. Kyungsoo leaned up and struggled with your tights for your second, until you raised your hips and kicked them off yourself, ignoring them to look at the way he stared at you, eyes dark and warm.

"Soo," you whined, and his eyes snapped back to you. "Touch me, do something, come on."

He pulled himself onto all fours, hovering over you. You wondered what you looked like from that angle, lips kiss-swollen, bra straps halfway down your shoulders and splotches on your neck from his attention earlier. He seemed to like whatever he saw, because he lowered his mouth to your chest, kissing and biting along your collarbones, lower, until he pushed your bra down. You reached behind you to take it off, but he left it on, letting it sit by your stomach as he lavished your breasts with kisses, biting gently at your pebbled nipples. You moaned and arched up, closer toward him. You didn't realise where his hands were going until one was at its destination, sneaking under your underwear to rub against your clit.

You squirmed underneath him as he shifted above you, getting comfortable. He nipped at your breasts, playing with you, while sliding his fingers along your folds. "You're so wet, baby," he whispered, and you nodded, bringing your hands up to bury in his hair. "Do you want me?"

"Please, Kyungsoo," you gasped out, and he acquiesced, pushing one finger slowly into you before sliding it back out, starting a slow pace of pushing into you. After a moment he added another, and you groaned as his thick fingers rubbed against your walls, stretching you out. You shifted, arching your back so he had a better angle.

Kyungsoo laughed, lifting his head up so he could look down at you. "You're so wriggly. You really want to come, huh?" You nodded, biting your lip as he rubbed at your clit with your thumb. "Can you come like this, sweetheart? Do you want to come just like this?"

You shook your head. "No," you said, Kyungsoo slowing his movements with a raised eyebrow. "I want you, I want to come around you."

Kyungsoo hissed and reached down, adjusting his sweatpants. You made a noise, reaching down yourself to push at the pants, tugging the hem down. He made an amused noise, leaning down to kiss you once. "You're so needy," he whispered, then kissed you again. "I love it."

You tugged at his sweatpants as he kissed you, pulling at the leg of one with your toes. He took the hint and finally kicked them off, leaving him naked in front of you. You broke the kiss to look down at him, inhaling at the sight of him.

You had seen him before, but that night—well, it had been night, your lights had been dimmed, and you had been slightly drunk on the heat and excitement of it all. His cock was bigger than you remembered, not too long but thick enough to make your jaw ache and legs clamp shut. You rubbed your thighs together, looking back at Kyungsoo, who was looking at you with pure unfiltered lust in his eyes.

"Can I—" you started, and he shook his head, moving to hover over you again.

"I want you."

His tone, his eyes, all of it went straight to your gut. You reared up, kissing him as you started to kick your underwear off. With one hand, you circled his cock, giving it a few hard strokes. He moaned into your mouth, pulling away to breathe heavily, keeping his forehead pressed to yours. You kept pulling him off until he pushed your hand away, readjusting himself so he was between your legs. Slowly, keeping his eyes on you, he entered you, giving you a moment to adjust.

You nodded after a second, groaning as he started to move, pulling out only to bury himself in you again. You closed your eyes as you began to move in response, swiveling your hips to meet his as he thrust into you. He hissed, finding a pace that you both liked, breathing heavily. The room rang out with your pants and groans, and the filthy sounds of flesh meeting flesh, all with the pleasant background of rain. Kyungsoo brought his lips back to you, leaving feathery kisses on your jaw, making you sigh out against him. Minutes passed in semi-silence from the both of you, your body growing tenser and tenser until his jerks suddenly grew more abrupt.

"I'm going to come," he said. You nodded, holding onto him tighter, digging your nails into his back. As his thrusts grew erratic, he dragged his hand down your body, and he began to play with your swollen clit, making you jerk underneath him at the sudden touch. "Come on, baby, come with me."

He pressed a hand underneath your back, making you arch up and changing the angle between you. With that, he pressed his thumb harshly to the head of your nub, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. The tightening in your stomach finally let go, your orgasm washing over you as you came, clenching around him. The added tightness seemed to get to him, too, and he began to come in hot spurts, his movement slowly ceasing as both of you grew too sensitive for it.

You were breathing heavily as he pulled out, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he did. The mess got on your legs, but you ignored it as you looked up at him, smiling. Your heart was beating too fast to be any good, and you were definitely going to be a little sore, but you felt as though you could run a mile.

Kyungsoo got off you, collapsing beside you with a huff. You turned as well, the both of you groaning at the squelching noise as some more cum seeped out of you. He made to get up, but you threw a hand and a leg over him, looking up at him. "Give it a second?"

"I'll be right back, we should get—"

You cut him off, shaking your head. "Give it a few minutes. This is going nowhere."

Kyungsoo hummed and stayed put, so you climbed onto his chest, smiling up at him. A slow smile grew on his face too, until he was all but grinning at you. You giggled, pressing your face to his chest.

"What's funny?"

You pecked his chest. "Nothing. I'm just happy." You looked back up at him. "I love you. Don't go anywhere."

His smile softened, eyes crinkling. "I love you too," he said softly. "And I'm not going anywhere."

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