#having him cope and build a new support system...

[adorethedistance]

I Don’t Just Like You - Trevor Zegras x Hughes!Reader

Hockey Masterlist

Warnings: swearing, tension/fighting, jealousy, Dixie lmao

Words: 2161

Summary: Tension builds with Trevor over his new partnership until the two of you confess your feelings.

A/n: Y'all I am so not doing well rn. I am processing a break up and questioning my social circle and im so lonely that I needed to write some angst to cope with it all. Hope yall like this one and maybe it'll get a smut part two depending on whether or not I can handle writing that rn lol. Enjoy!

Moose: call me ASAP

Me: sorry Luke. can’t rn

Moose: Awesome 😎

My hands quake with anxiety as I fiddle with the tarnished silver ring adorning my pointer finger. The moisture of my skin eases the movement of turning the ring around my finger. I hiss when the gemstone catches on the skin of my middle finger and immediately drop my hands. 

Currently, I’m staring down at the risky text I just sent Trevor. About an hour ago he had messaged me:

Trev: hey sorry can’t swing tn after all 

Trev: rain check?

My jaw tightens with contempt and I huff out a sigh as my bottom lip trembles. I feel pathetic for just how impacted I am by his every word. I angrily hit the digital keys of my phone’s keyboard as I type my reply.

Me: really? 

Me: again??

Trev: don’t be like that

I’m not the most confrontational person. On any given day some might say I’m the furthest thing from confrontational. To put it rather plainly, I just don’t like it. I hate the way I get anxiety butterflies in my stomach. I hate absorbing the emotions of the other person, especially when rejection is involved. I hate what projections I’m opening myself up to receiving from the other person. There are too many pitfalls and not enough landing pads. Which is why it’s so out of character for me to press him on this.

Me: like what Trev?

This is the third time in a row Trevor has cancelled plans on me. I don’t know if he’s aware of that. I don’t even know what he’s been up to lately. He’s refused to tell me what he’s been doing instead, which didn’t raise my suspicions by any means until mom sent me an article. She knows about how my crush on Trevor has had roots in our childhoods. 

Trev: you know what I’m talking about

After I stopped playing hockey with my brothers, I was still always around to notice Trevor’s presence in our home. When I moved to California for college, I wanted to chase my music dreams but I didn’t realize it would come at the expense of my support system. Being long distance with my family put me in a hard spot, but having a familiar face to rely on made the adjustment easier. As we spent more time together independent of my brothers, Trevor and I became close friends. The problem was my crush has been growing ever since we became friends, hence why mom sent me an article called, “Did Dixie D’Amelio admit to dating Trevor Zegras?”.

Me: at least say it with your chest

Sent. Delivered. I wait. Trevor’s response bubble appears for a second. It disappears, then reappears, then disappears again. I’m about ready to toss my phone across the room when his message delivers.

Trev: call me

I groan out in frustration and this time actually end up chucking my phone onto my bed. I run my hands through my hair, along the warm expanse of my scalp. A self-soothing gesture by all means. I pace to one side of my room before using the momentum of my steps to start back towards my phone. Just as I have it in my hand, Trevor’s contact picture covers the screen and illuminates in my grasp. I scoff out a sort of half groan and then answer.

“What, Trevor?”

“Hey, Y/n I’m great. Thanks for asking! How are you?” He responds sardonically to my cold greeting. I bite my tongue, torn between tearing into him and the stronger desire to laugh through my rage. He takes my exhale as a cue to continue. “What’s going on, Hughesy?”

In a single moment, my anger dissolves. The tenderness of that nickname, which was once reserved solely for my brothers, now belongs to me. In this moment, I find myself thinking about how grateful I am that Trevor was there for me as I transitioned into college. But the looming threat of a smile quickly vanishes as I remember how that care is nullified by Trevor’s abundantly active dating life.

“Y/nnnn?” Trevor hums into the phone.

“What?” I respond dryly.

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is you cancelling on me for the third time in a row.”

“Is it really the third time in a row?” He asks under his breath, indicating he may not have intended to say it out loud at all. I roll my eyes, still actively fighting the urge to just lay into him.

“Yes, Trevor, it is!” I can practically hear him wince through the phone at the fact that I’m calling him Trevor instead of the default nickname permanently programmed into my phone. 

“Who’s that?” I hear softly over the phone. My heart flutters like a coal mine parakeet in a cage and I bite my lip, willing myself not to cry if it turns out Dixie is on the other side. Trevor whispers back,

“It’s Y/n.”

“Hey, Y/n!” Mason’s on the other end. 

“Not a good time,” Trevor tells him. Mason curses and then apologizes before retreating from Trevor’s general area. “Sorry, you were saying?” Trevor tells me at regular volume.

“You were cancelling on me again.”

“Oh. Right. I…” he switches the phone to the other ear, “I…don’t know what you want me to say.” Hello?! Could he be any more oblivious?!

“I want you to tell me what is going on!” I whine into the phone, “What is it you’re so busy with doing that you can’t see me for a week, huh? I get that you’re a professional athlete and you have a busy schedule. But I know your schedule and I know you still have a decent amount of free time. So what have you been doing?” Trevor breathes, in, then out and says,

“I’ve been seeing someone lately…” I feel my heart shatter into the tiniest fractals of what it once was and I cover my mouth to choke back the growing lump in my throat.

“I can’t do this right now,” I say with the utmost hurt lacing my voice, pulling the phone away from my ear to abruptly hang up on Trevor. I toss my phone on my bed once more, ignoring how the screen lights up with Trevor’s contact picture. It’s a new breed of psychological torture to sit here and ignore the calls, so I leave my phone in my bedroom as I go to splash cold water on my face. 

When I reenter my bedroom, I ignore the buzzing device to put on a comfortable pair of pajamas. He’s called once, twice, a fourth, and a fifth before finally giving up. Despite my phone being silent, I don’t trust it enough to take it with me and leave it to charge on my bed. I settle on the couch to open my new pint of Ben and Jerry’s, putting on my favorite show in the hopes of laughing through the pain. 

Somewhere between first and second episode, I had dozed off after returning the ice cream to the freezer. I’m not sure what it is about crying that knocks me on my ass like that, all I know is that it works. 

I’m abruptly pulled from my sleep when I hear the harsh banging on my front door. I jump up from the couch, the spike in adrenaline carrying me out of my sleepy haze. When I get to the front door, some of the tiredness catches up with me again and I groggily open the front door. Behind it stands Trevor, with sad puppy eyes and a sheepish expression. I can’t help the scowl that comes to rest on my face when I see him, but he doesn’t falter. Instead, he pushes past me to come into the apartment and sits on the couch expectantly. Since there’s no way to physically remove him from my space, I bargain, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch, as far from Trevor as I can manage. He doesn’t let the cold gesture phase him, and scooches obliviously into the center of the couch.

“What’s going on Hughsey?” I scoff at the nickname and Trevor cringes in frustration. “What is this?”

“I don’t know what you’re referring to.”

“Why are you icing me out all of a sudden?”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” I ask, spiteful, with malice. 

“Clearly not since I’m here spending time with you.”

“Was that so hard for you to do? I mean, with your busy schedule and all?”

“What are you-” Trevor pauses for a split second. “Wait, are you… jealous? Y/n?”

I want to protest. I want to scream and rant and bite back, how he could be so conceited to think I’d be jealous of a relationship that I previously thought was rumored? But I can’t. 

Because he’s right.

I bite my tongue. There’s nothing else I can do. Not unless I want to make an even bigger fool of myself than I already have.

“Oh my god, that’s totally it. You’re jealous.” Trevor says, complete with a laugh and a sigh. The shame of actually being jealous of a girl I’ve never met, the disappointment of finding out Trevor is dating someone, and the exhaustion from already having cried earlier comes collapsing down on me at once. Hot tears well on the lining of my lashes and I stare at the ground, afraid to draw attention to myself. Upon seeing me cry, Trevor’s smile immediately vanishes and he scoots closer once more.

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay.” He envelops me in a hug that I’m too overwhelmed to reciprocate. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.” 

I merely shake my head, unaware of what I could even say in this moment.

“I was… I was just laughing ‘cause I should’ve known.”

“Should’ve known what?”

“That you’d be jealous.” I wriggle out of the hug and look at Trevor sincerely.

“How would you have known?”

“You know, for as long as I can remember, your brothers have talked about you having a crush on me.” I cower in humiliation, my face glowing hotter than the surface of the sun.

“I wish they wouldn’t have.”

“No?” Trevor asks, genuinely.

“It’s embarrassing,” I confess, fully recoiling from the physical contact he had initiated before. 

“It’s cute.” Trevor earnestly admits as he takes my hand in his. I scoff instinctively but don’t pull my hand away again.

“I don’t need your pity, Trev.” I say so softly he nearly misses the sentiment. Once he processes my worlds, I feel him physically relax next to me at the sound of his familiar nickname.

“Well, what do you need? I’m here now.”

“I honestly don’t know.” I finally dare to meet his eyes. He’s looking at me so sweetly, earnestly. As if I hadn’t just chewed him out two minutes earlier. Then, I look away before I can say what I’m about to say next. “I don’t just like you.” Trevor’s face lifts ever so slightly. The extent of which, one might miss had they not known him a lifetime the way I have.

 “You know… the only reason I started seeing her was to get over you.”

“What?” I ask, sharply whipping my head to stare at Trevor, as if awaiting the reveal that this was just some elaborate prank from the start.

“Yeah. I started dating Dixie because I thought dating someone different would distract me. You know, it’s not a good look to have a crush on your best friend’s little sister.”

My heartrate picks up with his confession. This feels too good to be true. As if real life is waiting for us right outside the front door. The real life that doesn’t see me and Trevor together ever in our lifetimes. Terrified of the change that would occur from letting him walk away, I reach up and hold his face in my hands, kissing him passionately. Trevor wraps his hand around my wrist and kisses me back with twice as much fervor. 

We break apart, out of breath and full of smiles. Trevor looks at me for guidance and we fizzle into a nervous laughter. I reach up and brush my thumb tenderly across his cheekbone. He grabs my hand and turns his head, placing a sweet kiss on my palm. I then reach up and break the moment by ruffling my hand through his hair to mess it up.

“Hey!” He yells, grabbing waist to dig his hands into my sides. I screech with laughter as I try to escape. Trevor eventually yields and slips his hands from my sides to interlace with one another and pull me closer. I scoot in to sit against him, sitting half on top of him as our breathing falls in sync.

“I don’t just like you, too, Hughesy.” I smile.

“...You should probably call Dixie.”

“Oh shit.”

***

A/N: not my best work but not my worst either!

#Trevor Zegras #Trevor Zegras fanfiction #Trevor Zegras fanfic #Trevor Zegras fic #Trevor Zegras smut #Trevor Zegras fluff #Trevor Zegras angst #Trevor Zegras x reader #Trevor Zegras x y/n #Trevor Zegras imagine #Trevor Zegras one shot #Trevor Zegras oneshot #Trevor Zegras blurb #Trevor Zegras drabble #Trevor Zegras writing #NHL #NHL imagine #NHL fanfiction #NHL x reader #TZ 11 #TZ 46

[the-writer-ofthe-fandoms]

Silent Cosmos (Edward Cullen)(Ch. 1)

Pairing: Edward Cullen x GN! Mute!Reader

Words: 3.0k+

Warning(s): Mentions of past car accident, mentions of minor character death/parents dying, swearing, implications of past bullying, mentions of high school lacking services, blood mention.

A/N: YAY i finally have this done. I’ve had this idea since before i started grad school and finally got it done! I hope yall enjoy :) This series takes place before Victoria’s army comes to Forks and Edward may be OOC but like, oh well.

Also in this series, Bella and Edward had a mutual break up w/ no hard feelings <3

Series Masterlist

---

"On foot

I had to cross the solar system

before I found the first thread of my red dress.

I sense myself already.

Somewhere in space hangs my heart,

shaking in the void, from it stream sparks

into other intemperate hearts."

--Edith Södergran, 'On Foot I Had to Cross the Solar System'

On one unfortunate night when you were seven, a drunk driver hit your parents car. Your mother on the passenger side died instantly, your father later succumbed to his injuries in the hospital. You were injured severely, but the doctors managed to keep you alive... At the cost of your voice. Chunks of glass tore through and stabbed your neck; the damage to your larynx was the worst, the second was nerve damage. You could speak in a very harsh, almost whisper-like, voice but it caused an intense amount of pain. You were upset. You hated that driver for what they took from you.

Your aunt and uncle took you in, and were able to help you adjust as you grew. They learned and taught you sign language, they helped you cope with the loss of your parents as best they could, and were always supportive. Despite their work lives keeping them away, they always tried their best to give you attention when they had the free time.

You found ways to enjoy life again, particularly in the stars. They were almost comforting to you when you were alone, looking out your bedroom window. You weren't sure why you have such an affinity for space and what it holds. Maybe because your father brought you out at night to point out all the constellations and their stories. Those moments with him started your interest. And now, you believed your parents were amongst the many stars in the vast universe.

You grew content with not having a voice. You adapted and overcame the curveball life sent your way. You just wished the pain wasn't constantly lingering.

---

It was the day you started going to your new highschool in Forks. It wasn't ideal transferring to a different school, but your uncle's job called for it. He was a firefighter and he was offered a sizable pay increase and rank promotion to fire captain if he took up the position for the Forks station. Your aunt, a nurse, was able to transfer to Forks hospital. They discussed the idea of moving with you of course, and you not wanting to hinder your uncle's promotion or damper his excitement, you supported the move from California to Washington.

You could already tell this rinky dink school wouldn't have anyone that understands ASL and the school said they are still looking to hire someone to be an interpreter of sorts, so you were mentally preparing yourself for the mess you may be entering. At least you transferred only three weeks into the new school year, that would make any school work you needed to catch up on relatively easy. It also helped it was your senior year as well.

As soon as you got out of your car, all of the heads of the student body snapped in your direction. You guess they've never seen a new kid before. You make your journey towards the building, hoping that no one would bother to talk to you. You already saw a teen walk up to you, he had straight black hair and a toothy grin.

"Hi, I'm Eric. You're the new kid." He seemed friendly.

You offer a little wave and sign, hoping he would get the inclination you could not speak.

"Shit... I don't know sign except..." He gave you the sign sorry before pointing to his ears and back to you. You shook your head and tapped your throat. "Oh! You can't speak." You nodded. "Sorry about all the confusion. Welcome to Forks High, home of the Spartans. I'm pretty much the eyes and ears."

You simply nod along when necessary and smiled as he gave you the very quick run down of most of the immediate gossip of school, which was centered around you, the new kid. He seemed like a nice guy but glancing at the clock you passed by in the hall you knew it was close to your first class.

"And don't get me started on the Cul-What?" You interrupted him as you held out your schedule to him, pointing to your first class. "Oh yeah, guess class is starting soon. Lets see... you're in 103 for English with Mr. Baker which is..." He glanced up. "Right down the hall. I have History right next door."

You smile at his help and follow him through the sea of students.

You wave Eric goodbye and enter classroom 103. You felt eyes of everyone land on you, but none more eye-catching or captivating as the gold pair near the back of the classroom. His gaze was intense, eyes wide, as he stared at you. You held his gaze. You weren't sure what to think at the moment but before anything could come to mind, an older gentleman walked in and stole your attention. You assumed correctly this was Mr. Baker.

---

Edward was the first to arrive for his first period class. He was always punctual, but there was a difference now. He no longer had Bella in tow.

It was a mutual end to their quick relationship. While her blood did appeal to him greatly, the fastness of their relationship hurt them both emotionally at the end. It was purely fascination of each others beings that they mistake as something else. While it did hurt, Edward could admit to himself he wasn't distraught over it. They remained friends and he was content with that.

Slowly, other students began filling the classroom as the clock ticked on. Everyone filling seats they usually sat in despite there being no assigned seating. No one ever sat next to him, often feeling intimidated by his status as a Cullen. The vampire paid them no mind, occupying his attention to watching the typical Forks rain traverse down the window he always sat by. He tuned out everyone's thoughts the best he could, letting his usual melancholy about his nature linger in his mind.

Edward perked up when he heard an fast-beating heart breakthrough his attempts of zoning out. Shifting his focus to the doorway his eyes latched on to the new student.

You.

It didn't take reading thoughts to feel the buzz of a new student arriving in the small school.

He felt... strange. Much like with Bella, your scent invaded his senses and made him thirsty, yet, that wasn't what caught his immediate attention.

It was the eyes. Something about them captivated Edward. He wasn't sure what about them had him staring at you, who now stared back at him. The vampire attempted to discern your thoughts and he caught an inkling of curiosity starting to bleed out before the teacher took your attention away.  His stayed on you, and didn't pay him any mind or had any idea he wad, and focused his enhanced hearing on the conversation.

"Hello, new student?" The teacher greeted and softly spoke your name. The auburn haired male watched as the you nodded.

Edward's curiosity peaked when he finally heard their thoughts, clear as the days outside of Forks.

"Yes, that's me. Do you know sign?" He heard their thoughts as he watched their hands easily relay in sign language. I'm expecting a no they internally sighed.

"Oh shoot I wasn't told..." A worried look passed on the teachers face as his sentence trailed off. Edward can hear his thoughts complain that the school failed to inform him about the new student outside their name and grade. A look of exasperation briefly flashed on your face.

Who would of fucking thought Forks High, a small-ass school, would not inform their teachers. Fantastic. Wonderful. I love it. It was a pointed statement that had Edward both mildly shocked at the language and pretty amused. I wonder how much others outside of Eric will put up with me here.

Edward sighed. He knew he shouldn't involve himself with another human but he couldn't help it. Whatever captivated him and the resignation you mentally expressed already had moved him. He got up from his spot and quickly moved to the front of the classroom.

"Apologies, I don't mean to cut in but I know sign."

---

You blink at the golden-eyed student he approached you and the teacher. You felt a grateful smile tug on your lips as you faced him. Immediately, you felt some appreciation and felt good about being wrong on your previous assumption.

"Thank you, Edward." Mr. Baker smiled in relief. Edward gave the teacher a small, tight lipped smile at him and faced you. The teacher introduced you to him. "And this is Edward Cullen."

"I'm sorry for any inconvenience." Edward spoke as you signed, his voice soft and velvety. Observing his face, you watched as his brows furrow at your statement, which became almost a second nature for you due to the way your previous school treated you. You often faced irritated glances or your existence ignored entirely outside the feo close friends you accumulated.

"Please relay to them-" Mr. Baker spoke but you immediately shook your head and held up a hand.

"I am neither deaf or hard of hearing, sir. I just can't speak." Edward translated for you again. "I look forward to class with you both." A smile appeared on his face again.

"You too. And you aren't being an inconvenience at all. It's the fault of the school, really." Mr. Baker offered a kind smile. Edward left the two of you, as if knew he wouldn't be needed again. "Take a seat wherever you want, I don't do assigned seating unless it becomes an issue." Mr. Baker gave you a kind smile and gestured for you to pick out a seat, while he moved to the classroom computer. You take a glance around, only seeing three spots open.

Your eyes landed on the one next to Edward, causing you to perk up. Though, you hesitated, his small smile and the single, subtle nod assured you it was fine to sit by him. Holding your backpack strap a little tighter, you move between desks to join him.

---

Edward watched as you sat next to him. You offered him a quick smile before you started pulling out your notebook and your small pencil case. You didn't look over at him as you stared up at the board, waiting for class to start.

The vampire was curious and while he knew it was an invasion of privacy, he couldn't help but try and focus in on more of your thoughts. Except he was met with...

What? His brows furrowed. Edward felt overwhelmed for a moment, his sense felt almost deprived as he tried peering in your mind again.

Edward suddenly saw what he perceived as a galaxy. Stars, planets, moons, a sun... it was vast and it was breathtaking. It wasn't something he never saw before, this detailed, in a humans mind. He was able to view this scene for just a few fleeting moments until he suddenly felt warm energy push against his mind.

The vampire blinked. His presence was back in classroom 103. He glanced toward you. Paying close attention, he didn't see anything that indicated you were in any way aware of what just occured. He heard the teacher swear under his breath as he attempted to get the projector working, and used this moment to speak with you.

Softly, he called your name, bringing your attention to him.

"How are you liking Forks?" Edward recognized he was a bit awkward, but you gave no inclination that you minded or judged him.

"It's wet. But I don't mind it. The scenery is nice." You signed and it was as if the cosmos that warded him from your thoughts was lifted. Hearing your thoughts again after being blocked out by the cosmos left him perplexed and curious.

"Forks does have its charm in scenery." He chuckled. "But I assume that isn't why you moved?"

"No, but it definitely is a bonus." You smiled. "My uncle got a promotion so we moved up from California."

"What does he do?"

"He is now the fire captain here."

Edward had a kind smile and offered a small congratulations to him. He then spoke again, "What does your class schedule look like?"

You reached into your zip up hoodie pocket and pull out a folded piece of paper. Unfolding it, you slid it to his desk. His golden eyes scanned the paper and he felt some sort of happiness that your schedules almost align completely. The only class difference was your last two classes, which would have you taking gym and history without him.

"Looks like we will be seeing each other a lot. We have almost all the same classes."

That's a relief. Edward suppressed a smile at your thoughts. I hope we can be at least friendly with one another.

"Since we have most of our classes together, would you like to be friends?" He asked. He could already hear Rosalie scolding him for getting involved with another human, but he didn't particularly care what she would think.

You were another anomaly to his, otherwise, stationary life. He has no plans to try and initiate a quick romantic relationship again. He simply was curious to the stars that lingered behind your eyes.

---

It was nearing lunchtime. You glanced out the window of your math class while the teacher closed out her lesson and began explaining what the homework was going to be. You were very grateful for Edward sticking by you in each course. He was able to help you talk to your teachers, answer and ask questions, and made Forks high a little more welcoming.

You had met two of his siblings in that time frame, Emmett and Alice, who were both a delight. Alice already expressed how much she was excited to finally get to know you, which you assumed she was wanting to meet the new kid, and Emmett offered to watch your back in gym with the biggest grin you've seen on a persons face. It also warmed your heart to find they also knew sign too.

The initial worry of being a forever outsider like before began melting away. So far things have been pleasant unlike your last experience.

As you mind wandered off to old school memories of bullies and loneliness, you were still unaware of Edward trying to discern your thoughts again. You missed the look of confusion and frustration on his face. Although, you did manage to hear him make a noise that sounded like frustration, which snapped your attention on him.

"Everything okay?" You ask him. He glanced up at the teacher who was now facing the board writing the homework down.

"Just... wanting class to be over." Edward gave you a tight lipped smile. "Mrs. Johnsons' classes are usually a bore."

You nodded with a smile and silent chuckle.

The class bell rang, signaling an end, and practically everyone ran out for lunch. You eyed the crowd trying to leave and shrug your shoulders. You scribbled down the equations Mrs. Johnson assigned before putting your class materials away and preemptively pulled out your brown bag lunch.

You glanced to Edward while you both stood up. You weren't sure if you should continue sticking by his side until it was time for your last two periods or find your own corner to decompress. Perhaps giving him a break from-

"Are you ready?" His soft voice cut through your thoughts. You blink, pausing for a moment, before nodding.

"Lead the way." You smiled, though you were sure it came off as nervous. There will be so many people...

"Would you like to sit with my family and I, or would you like to go somewhere quiet?" You looked at him a bit shocked, were you that easy to read? You could see the twitch of his lip like he was going to respond but he kept quiet.

"Somewhere quiet, just for today."

"Follow me then."

---

Rosalie sighed as she leaned against the table, waiting for her siblings to join her and Emmett for lunch. She then looked to her partner and leaned against him, who laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Her golden eyes followed Bella's form with a glare as she sat down with her friends.

"Come on, babe. Her and Edward have no hard feelings." Emmett spoke in a quiet tone.

"It's still a danger to us." She grumbled.

"Nope! She still becomes a vampire like us." Alice suddenly sat down with a bright smile.  Jasper was quick to sit down next to her.

"Even after what happened with the Volturi and James?" Emmett asked.

"Yep. While the course of her and Edward's relationship definitely changed, she still becomes a part of our clan."

"Great." Rosalie rolled her eyes and then glanced around at the table. "Speaking of Edward, where is he?"

"Probably off with the new kid." Emmett smirked. "They seem pretty nice. Edward's been helping them since they can't speak."

"Another human?" She looked to her partner then to Alice. "Did you..."

"Have a vision of them? Yes. The day before Edward and Bella parted their romantic relationship, I had a vision of them coming to Forks. And then after meeting them, I saw them and Edward, looking pretty close." She smiled and giggled.

"Great, another human who is going to choose to be a vampire." Rose scoffed.

"Rosalie-" Alice's usually bright expression drops. Everyone at the Cullen table looked at her with worry as it appeared her eyes glaze over. Jasper immediately gripped her hand under the table as he could feel a wave of sadness wash over from her.

"Darling?" Jasper whispered.

Alice blinked rapidly. She looked to the others with a worried expression. "I... I didn't see the specifics but... It wasn't their choice."

It was silent between them. Rosalie's eyes were wide, Emmett clenched his fist under the table, Jasper tried his best to calm everyone, and Alice simply blinked and tried looking to the future again.

She could see you, crying and writhing as the venom from a bite on your arm took hold, blood all over you. Edward and Carlisle were right by your side, speaking. But she couldn't hear what they were saying.

All she heard was a high pitched ring.

And then the vision flashes a blinding white and she swears she could feel intense heat against her face.

She was back at the table again with her family. It was the same vision as before. Never had she seen such a bright light, heard such a noise, or felt anything like that from a vision.

"We have to talk to Carlisle."

#edward x reader #edward cullen #edward cullen x reader #edward cullen x you #edward cullen x y/n #edward cullen imagine #edward cullen imagines #twilight #twilight saga #twilight x reader #twilight edward cullen #twilight edward #twilight imagine #twilight imagines #twilight x you #twilight x y/n #silent cosmos

[marshmcore]

Pondering Sniper with his Emotional Support Scout (AU)

Modern+College AU speeding bullet

Both in their early transitional age (Scout is 19, Sniper is 22), they’ve already spent a handful of years, supposedly taking the steps to build their futures, but are they where they want to be? Are they going to where they want to be? Where is it anyways?

I just had the idea for a more grounded side to their story, slice-of-life in a coming-of-age setting, with themes of existentialism. I aged them down to make it work… Under cut for info dumps about these goobers 8)

Scout took a break right after high school, working for his family business (an unsuccessful one, ran by one of his oldest brothers). This used to be a summer job, a way to get extra money as a kid, but now he’s been a full time worker for 2.5 years, familial obligations exploiting him to stay, while being undermined by his narcissistic brother. He eventually gets out of it, but has to face the hurt from being used, and also the fact that he had to grow up so quickly as a kid (especially when he has to deal with the fallout caused by his Mom’s and Spy’s affairs. He and his Mom are in good terms, it’s just his Mom isn’t a good support system atm). Left to face the real world by himself, he tries to find a way to stabilize by himself, while trying to face his trauma (trauma from a missing father figure, and being treated as the black sheep of his family) as he finds a way to be more himself and be happy. He’s optimistic and responsible when the world calls for it, otherwise he’s most likely to test this new freedom (for better or worse). Eventually Spy comes around to try to reconnect with Scout, there’s no telling how Scout will cope with it when he’s in the midst his new-found freedom.

Sniper went straight to university, never once took a break from the school work, because he thinks that’s the only way to go about in life. He took up a program and career plan that was not right for him, but struggled his way through by retaking course’s countless of times, pulling off impossible all-nighters, etc. At some point he gave up, began to drop classes every semester, and finally quit the program. However, he started working somewhere in the industry he had been studying years for. He thought this could bring him forward, but it kept digging him a deeper grave. He’s a workaholic, impulsive, but lost. At a very young age, he was a subject of a tough custody battle between his neglectful biological parents (Lar-nah and Bill-bel), and his grandparents (who are Mr and Mrs Mundee in this AU). From that, his guardians want him to be better than his parents, and in return he strived for that. However, after giving up, he feels like a failure and is currently going through a period of depression. However, with the money he earned from his job, he wonders if he should take that road-trip he used to fantasize. He told himself doing this will help him find himself, but a part of him wonders if its just him trying to run away from something. Either way, he’s got a deal for a junk RV and he wants to renovate it!

After all that, Scout and Sniper meet, their lives are in the cross roads, and their relationship is a turning point as well. It feels like the world is moving faster than they can cope with, but can they find some respite in this new relationship together? DUN DUN DUUUN

Phew this was really fun to write! I really like their dynamic, romantic or not (idc). Them being the same age range inspired me to write this, because I know myself and some friends have gone through this similar experience aswell, and I just think its fun/interesting to explore that with they have in cannon.

A lot of this projection tho lmao with a loose base derived from cannon, and some embellishments to make this AU work.

#tf2 #marsh stuff #team fortress 2 #tf2 fanart #tf2 sniper #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout #tf2 au #tf2 fanfiction #speeding bullet #sniperscout #scoutsniper #woah this took more thought than I realized #it was 5am and i couldnt sleep #and i was listening to one of my playlists for those kinds of nights #and this happened #HOPE U LIKE HEHE #i ship speedingbullet in this context #i love existential coming of age stories and tgey both fit so well in it #wow i didn’t expect to think so deeply about sniperscout #maybe its because im moving out into a province i dont know #im currently dealing with changing careers rn and going back to school #im a lil terrified tbh so maybe thats why this came to me at 5am lol

[ladyluscinia]

Izzy, Bottles, and Apologies

Izzy's arc in S2 has been a wild ride.

The S1 Izzy enjoyers are feeling vindicated as hell, many people are fully revising their opinion of him, and the people still hating him have a new criticism or off the wall theory daily. David Jenkins LOVES Izzy and is having the time of his life trying to make sure everyone else does too. They had Con O'Neill sing in drag!

And naturally I have thoughts.

This is gonna be a two part post, I think. First, as much as people are celebrating Izzy having realized his arc and come into his own - from the singing to the apparent BlackBonnet shipping - there are some threads they could pull on that might reveal more arc to come. And I am really hoping they pull them, so I'm gonna tell you why you should too!

And second, I have some minor points I dislike and concerns that this might be the end of the arc. Which would be disappointing but I think I get why, so I'm gonna discuss that too.

To start...

---

"How are you handling all this so well?"

Here's the thing about S2 Izzy - while I need to be clear his behavior is not OOC or inconsistent with S1, it is happening rather fast. I'm pretty sure that has a lot to do with out of universe reasons I'll get into later, but in-universe it stands out. Now, he's hardly the only one operating on an accelerated schedule - the timeline for this season is an insanely fast not-even-two-weeks - but Izzy's defining struggle in S1 was fear of change. That was the cause of his friction with Edward, and what made him an antagonist in the first place.

In S2 he's gone through a lot of trauma, yes, but that fear is noticeably less present than I would expect.

Izzy in 2x06 has been cleaned up from his sobbing mess phase for just over 48 hours and he faces Edward with a joke, and then that night sings a moving French serenade to the crew. The next morning he's teasing them about finally hooking up and spends the day offering both Stede and Edward relationship advice.

He's a newly realized man... shedding repression and embracing who he could be. Accepting his breakup with Edward and trying to openly support the relationship that's better for him.

It's fun!

It's also, potentially, a bit of a flag. Maybe not a red one, not yet, but... pink-ish? A bit orange?

Let's look a little closer at those frayed edges.

---

"Well, you see, I have a system..."

There's an exchange from right at the start of the Pilot episode that has echoed through the entire series so far:

"Bottle it up?" -> "No, Frenchie! No, that's the worst thing you could do!"

Not talking to other people, not addressing your traumas... that's the kind of shit that just builds and builds inside you. When the cork eventually pops, the resulting damage can be a lot. Look at the finale of S1, where all of Stede's bottled up guilt and insecurities laid waste to his relationship with Edward, and then inadvertently became the first domino in the Kraken.

S2 is quick to bring this scene back into the forefront. The first time we see the Breakup Boat crew talking in 2x01, Frenchie reveals that "Bottle it up?" wasn't just a random comment he made, but a philosophy of his:

"Ah - well, you see, I have a system for dealing with all the terrible things I've seen. There's a box, in my mind, and I put the things in the box, I lock the box, and then I don't open it again. Works like a charm."

Apparently, Frenchie is the only one it actually seems to be working for.

Now, the show has been drawing some interesting lines between Frenchie and Izzy. From both serving as Blackbeard's First Mate to being frequently shown as a duo - tormenting Navy guys together on Sunday's raid, Frenchie holding Izzy's hand, Frenchie leaning on Izzy's leg in the cell, Frenchie behind him raising the flag in 2x05 - it's fitting that Izzy echoes Frenchie's preferred coping method. First he frames the non-acknowledgement of harm from Edward as just... part of piracy. He's a pirate, so he's fine with it.

And then we get Izzy's little whittled shark reveal and the conversation with Lucius about his leg:

"I don't know what you're talking about. Shark did this... dangling my legs over the side of the ship. Served me right, too."

Lucius calls him out on the unhealthy behavior, and Izzy concedes his point:

"O-kay, that seems healthy. Using a bit of fiction to help cover up your trauma." -> "Yeah, well... not moving on is worse. Twatty."

And to give him credit, he's right in his advice to Lucius. Filling his sketchbook with pages and pages of Blackbeard trauma is Lucius's form of bottling it up - thinking in endless recursive circles about his tumble off the ship and everything that followed. We already know chasing revenge instead of living is bad - Jim and Spanish Jackie established it last season, and Pete just echoed them. When Izzy advises Lucius to move on, that's what Lucius does.

But what Izzy is doing with the shark? That's not the same thing at all. He's lost a leg, grazed a bullet off his own head, and was snarling drunken accusations at himself in the mirror... he's not moving on from that. He's bottling it up with a nice dose of self-blame.

Cutting the legs off the unicorn for not doing it's job right and saying "served me right" about his fictional shark? There's a real dark knot of emotions there.

(Recall, too, that Edward deflected his hurt from Stede's abandonment into a "fictional character" during his chats with Lucius, and that delayed the explosion but couldn't stop it.)

So... Izzy's definitely coping with trauma in a way the show does not advise and often circles back to. Can we see any signs in 2x06 and 2x07?

---

The Weight of Things Unsaid

At the very start of 2x06, Izzy gets the thing he spent all of 2x05 mentally bracing himself to never hear - an apology from Edward for his leg. He walks up to initiate conversation and begins talking like nothing has changed. Edward is back in his leathers. Appropriate, given that his penance onesie was nothing genuine, just "how long do I have to wear this fucking thing for?" And Izzy is ready for them not to address the obvious hurt, to just smooth over a few jabs and go back to normal... but even Edward's mumbled little "Sorry about your leg" is so significant and difficult he flees as soon as he gets it out, leaving Izzy to sit, incredulous, with the acknowledgement.

It's still almost definitely not enough.

There was so much between them in 2x01 - 2x03. The writers literally did BlackHands love confessions on both sides. An apology from Edward Teach - a man who historically does not apologize - is a huge first step but still only the first step. The real things unsaid are so much bigger than a leg.

We get something else, too... Edward commenting on Izzy's drinking.

"Jesus. Really putting that away, aren't ya?"

Izzy has had booze a lot this season. He lost a leg and pain meds aren't really an option, so not surprising, but notable. Edward, advocating for substance abuse to deal with bad feelings, calls him a lightweight in 2x01. When they are found with the dead seabird in 2x03, Izzy takes a pointed drink from his bottle, and then 2x04 he spends the entire episode completely plastered. He seemingly sobered up for 2x05 - probably to focus on sword training and his whittling project - but now the bottle is back again before Izzy disappears for several hours.

And a little liquid courage might explain his going all in for the Calypso's Birthday performance.

I do appreciate that the performance on it's face is something completely unexpected for Izzy, but when thinking about it... it does make sense.

We already know music and performance were available on Blackbeard's ship even before Stede. Edward learned to play shanties on the piano somewhere, and singing is a common and encouraged part of sailing culture. Izzy's choice of song to perform is something a lot more emotional, but this is probably not his first performance for a crew.

Makeup, too, is in fashion for men and women at this time, and OFMD has shown it as such before. Izzy has never worn fashion makeup, or tried to be beautiful, but the concept wouldn't be alien to him. Wee John's description of a dramatic party look might even have intrigued him specifically because Izzy has actually done "looks" before - of the terrifying "theatre of fear" kind. The Kraken did have his whole crew in makeup for their raids. Taking the opportunity to embody something a bit more vulnerable and try to bring joy to this crew that took care of him is meaningful as fuck.

And it's still a drag performance!

It's a good pair of moments - before and after Ned. Proof that all this isn't just coping method - that's not what I'm arguing here - and even if Izzy's still bottling up a lot of feelings he's not doing the same full pressure bomb thing as he did in S1. There's been growth!

(This is why the flags are only pink-ish / orange-ish right now.)

Episode 2x07 though... I'm not so sure he's doing good as much as pretending it's all good.

Showing up to make his joke in the morning is a fun moment. I especially enjoy Edward's little "fuck off" with no bite to it 🤣🤣🤣 Reminder they do live together on a ship, so this is likely not even close to the first morning-after that Izzy has gotten front row seats to. But, at least to me, there's also a very performative feeling about it. Izzy being very Look how normal I can be about you fucking your boyfriend, Ed - and Edward picks up on it too. That's why he turns to Stede and whispers "He's jealous" as Izzy walks away.

Izzy continues to make jokes and give advice through the day to our main couple, but he's... subdued. I think his fake chill also disguises that he and Edward aren't on the same page about what they discuss at the docks, hence his poor advice to "listen to it" when the "it" in question is Edward's immediate desire to run away from Stede and become a fisherman. They are talking again, but haven't resumed communicating.

I also think it's relevant that Izzy goes to try and support Stede after Edward dumps him, because we're still waiting for Stede to stop bottling things up. He doesn't talk about Badminton or feelings of inadequacy or even the babiest little olive branch to Edward about "hey my dad kinda sucked too." Edward's two exes are sitting in the bar corner together, thinking about all the shit they won't talk to him about until it kills all three of them. Exciting!

The pressure is building. It has to circle back to Stede in S3. I'm hoping at the same time, it circles back to Izzy, too.

Hoping we get to explore some of his anxiety, and his internalizing negative self-image and blame. At the moment, I think Izzy might have less gotten over his anxieties and more just let go of the wheel of his life entirely, and fortunately had people around to steer him in okay directions. It would be really interesting to explore that more.

(Even if I have some concerns they may not.)

---

Subtle as a Cannonball to the Face

Izzy's character arc was always going to be a long journey - not because he was somehow morally worse than everyone else, or required particularly painstaking growth, or even because there was going to be some great need to "hold him accountable" for S1. No, it was going to be a long journey from an antagonist start for the same reason I mentioned earlier: Izzy's core struggle is fear of change.

OFMD opens with two protagonists recklessly pursuing change in ways that harm themselves, their relationships, and others, and a primary onscreen antagonist resisting change in a way that harms himself, his relationships, and others. There's no easy morality here - they all fuck up. And they all require the entire show to actually figure out the correct balance of change and growth and facing the past.

"I think the three of them are on an arc together that's pretty inseparable." - David Jenkins (Source, 9 Oct 2023)

So... why is there a chance that everything I've mentioned above is going absolutely nowhere and Izzy's arc has been wrapped up with a bow in S2?

Well.

It's late March 2022, the fandom's age is still only countable in weeks, I personally haven't even watched the pilot yet, had only even heard of the show 3 days before... and one of David Jenkins first post-finale statements is telling people to pay attention to Izzy's POV and his and Edward's love story on rewatches (Source, 25 Mar 2022), and then soon after comparing Stede to a homewrecker in Edward and Izzy's toxic marriage (Source, 15 Apr 2022). Lots of links because this stuff was available to the fandom from the start.

By the first half of May 2022 (while poor Mr. Jenkins is still anxiously trying to get his series renewed for S2, since the confirmation won't come until June 1) the takes on Izzy have soured a lot. It's not a "homophobic gay" joke anymore. Now it's "Izzy is the embodiment of colonialism who enforces a racist and homophobic ideal of Blackbeard on Edward" and "pretending Izzy could be canonically gay is homophobic" and "Izzy bought Edward as a slave from the British". Harassing anons have already started on tumblr. No first hand experience with Twitter but I've heard horror stories. These takes are spreading like wildfire through the fandom, with a heavy backing of white fans accepting and spreading anything that sounds vaguely racially-conscious as something they just missed in their privilege and need to listen to POC about. Or listen to other white fans that say they've been listening to POC.

The anchor hoist in 1x09 (that was a complete directing coincidence, as the crew confirmed in late May) is being taken as incontrovertible proof that Izzy is a violent racist, and the relatively small Izzy fandom pushing back against any of these reads is being likened to toxic fangirls declaring Kylo Ren a poor widdle victim because they think violent white guys are so hot their brains fall out. This is happening loudly and in the public forums of social media.

Can you imagine being David Jenkins right then?

This is one of your favorite little guys, who you wrote a silly little homoerotic pirate jealousy arc for. He's kinda cringefail and tends to be a dick, but you cast a guy who you think embodies him with so much sympathy and genuine emotion. You're so excited to explore his direct relationship to the main couple of your series even more. Unfortunately, you and a lot of the cast and crew are also engaging maybe a bit too much in fandom spaces, which very few of you have much familiarity with navigating as creators. AND there's still renewal stress!

If I were him, I too would consider that perhaps my intended Izzy arc was a bit too nuanced and drawn out, and maybe I needed to clear up some misconceptions as soon as I got the opportunity.

Enter S2.

MAX reduced the budget for the season significantly and it shows - particularly in the whole thing having to squeeze into 8 episodes - and I wouldn't be surprised at all if worries over a S3 renewal / S3 budget impacted S2 writing as well. Character arcs got pinched, goals had to be prioritized... and from the looks of the season, "make sure everyone knows Izzy is not a homophobic villain tormenting Edward as fast as possible" came out as a big goal.

I mean they open with a dream sequence that literally mocks the idea of a heroic Stede rescuing Edward from the dastardly Izzy. It's not subtle.

And the lack of subtlety is kind of what's concerning me.

Izzy's arc is (I think) leaving enough threads that they can extend it into S3 with the reveal he's not actually fine and done developing, but they also seem to want his S2 arc to end in a place where maybe he is. Lots of giant signs pointing to him and saying "Look! Everyone likes him!" or "Look! He's also gay!" at the expense of some of his cringefail or dickish charm. My guy had anxiety he dealt with poorly in S1, and I do think they are trying to frontload or adjust the arc so he's basically (or at least seemingly) over that before the next hiatus.

The best way I've seen it described is that the show no longer trusts the audience to pick up what they are putting down, and so they feel the need to really hammer it in. Not necessarily OOC, but definitely de-emphasizing any of his rough edges that were originally just written to not be any worse than the other characters.

This is why Izzy gets shot by Edward in the very first episode for a bunch of complicated reasons that are really good character work and not super hard to discern, but then later they have Izzy point out to Stede why he got shot twice. It's all very "look into the camera and say the themes", because to some degree they are afraid everyone is going to get easily convinced Edward shot him for calling him a namby-pamby that one time.

It makes me worried they are too afraid of misinterpretation to commit to the arc they originally conceived of, even with the finish line in sight in S3.

And, again, I get it, Mr. Jenkins. In October 2022 he made a funny quip and a boner joke on a tweet about Edward's blanket fort and the hordes descended to scream victoriously about how he was cutting down the Izzy stans for their racist infantilization crimes of thinking Izzy would *checks notes* help hold up a blanket. It's a very reasonable conclusion that this fandom cannot read and needs to be spoonfed Izzy's arc.

It just sucks that a toxic section of fandom's misinterpretations appear to have undercut a strong - and, honestly, not that complicated - character arc so much that S2's BlackBonnet arc can be about fuck ups and backsliding, but Izzy needs at least the illusion of having no flaws left come hiatus time.

#our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd meta #my meta #izzy hands ofmd #izzy hands #character arcs #ofmd 2x06 #ofmd 2x07 #and here's my associated izzy meta because i love to talk about both my blorbos lol #ladyluscinia #david jenkins

[comingyourlugubriousness]

"Thanks for inviting us Tuna, Rook...and I guess Azul! I can't wait to see all the events!" Here's my boy Yume all dressed up for the wonderful and charming @tunabesimpin's SEA SIDE PARTY! , Along with their reluctant plus-one Idia. (The Great Grim assumed he was invited of course and tagged along as well.)

(I had a lot of fun designing outfits for this! I can't wait to see everyone ocs dressed up! 0v0)

Yume’s favorite things to do in the summertime are splashing around, building sand castles, of course and getting ice cream to cope with the hot weather! They would definitely want a crack at the splash contest! But in their free time, they'd hang out with friends, eat good food, and collect shells and help Idia make sand castles! And keep Grim out of trouble!

Idia tries to peacefully stay in his shut-in area, playing hand-held games in his easy fold-up beach tent, but somehow gets dragged out into the fun! I could see him getting a bit competitive and tactical about capture the flag.

Drabble for the event under read more!

DRABBLE START! -

“C’mon Idia don’t you want to have a classic anime filler beach date with me?” Yume said dramatically, fluttering their lashes and putting on an overly cute voice.

 Idia snorted, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, don’t even try that, you know I do, just...not with…everyone else…” Idia muttered. He sighed, just as dramatically, and hid his face in Yume’s neck to sulk. His arms wrapped around their waist, nuzzling his nose into their skin. 

Yume melted at the gesture, letting out a fond sigh and putting their arms around him as well.

 “Oh, no fair, you know I’m easy…” They cooed, tangling their fingers in warm flaming strands. They took a few moments just sitting in silence and enjoying the hug.

 “I wish Ortho could come...” He said quietly, warm breath on their skin as he sighed.

“Aw, I know, me too.” They said rubbing small circles on his back.”But, you said it yourself. Unless you designed a completely new body by tomorrow, the sand and saltwater could harm his systems. You can’t risk that…and I only get a plus one!” They said, matter of factly, shrugging a shoulder. 

Idia made a dull noise of acknowledgement, drearily sinking further into them. 

Yume sighed, pressing their cheek atop his head.

“I know, even though we’ve been out a few times…it's still hard sometimes huh?” 

“Nightmare mode.” He said in a muffled voice. “Y-yu can’t expect me t-to do a Max difficulty  mission so soon-!, I-I haven’t leveled up enough.” He whined on their shoulder.

Yume rolled their eyes fondly at his wording, but understood. They still had their ups and downs too with their anxiety. Sure the days Yume didn’t want to go out or talk to new people were far less frequent than Idia’s, but they still happened. And he always supported them… 

Yume frowned, rocking them back both and forth as they thought, and came to a decision.

“Fine! Okay, you win. You know I won’t force you to go.” Yume said. 

Idia gasped, pulling back and scooping up their hands, a sparkle in his eye. 

“Really!” He cheered, giving them a sharp tooth grin, as if he had gotten away with something devious, but Yume knew that was just his face. “Wee he he~, Yume’s the best!” He said, squeezing them in a tight hug. Yume let out a squeak, but grinned at the affection.

“Yeah yeah…maybe we can have a summer movie marathon instead, or something…” They said once he let go.

“Hm?” Idia pulled back, raising an eyebrow. “...aren’t you still going?”

“Nah…” Yume waved their hand. ”it wouldn’t be as fun without you. Besides, I don’t wanna, third wheel while Leona makes gross old man passes at Yuuta. Bleh.” They said, pretending to gag.

“B-but…you already made those kawaii matching shirts for you and Grim…” He said, remembering how cute the two of them looked in the pictures they had sent earlier.

“Ah. well..we can wear them another time, really…it's okay...” They said, trying to give him a reassuring smile. Then they turned away to their phone, opening up Magicam to message Tuna. 

Idia pouted, his brows furrowing…

They finished typing out an excuse, but before they could send the message confirming their absence, Idia placed a hand on their phone, stopping them. Yume furrowed their brow, looking up curiously

“W-well…m-maybe it wouldn’t be so bad…a classic cliche beach day with Yume…” He said, avoiding his eyes blushing a bit.

“Really!? You mean it?” They asked hopefully, lacing both their fingers together.

“Y-yeah, I won’t be going at it solo…you’ll be with me, right?” He asked, giving them a small smile. Yume gasped, their chest filling up with warmth.

“Of course!” They said, then threw their arms around him. Idia yelped, a giddy grin on his face as he fell back on his bed from the force of their hug. - End!

Big thank you to @tunabesimpin for hosting the event! If you don't already follow them check them out!

#yume ume #disney twisted wonderland #oc x canon #twisted wonderland #twst oc #twst mc #yuusona #idia x oc #twst fan event #myart #pumpkinart #mywriting #💀⭐ #nightlight and starshine #yuuta is yumes brother #twst fanevent #TunasSeaSideSQ #hope theres no grammar mistakes lol ┐(シ)┌

[thecruellestmonth]

in a city of millions of people ONLY selina can care about the poor and east end/park row and ONLY helena can care about children and rape victims 😉😉 but we can steal jason's traits and give them to tim (btas lmao) or bruce (ul cheer) and then wholesale lie about jason's personality to make batman look good/victim blame him for his death 😉

Well, because I'm a contrarian at heart, now I will disagree with this a bit, even though I never shut up about the story-breaking double-standards imposed on Jason.

Just to touch on some stuff before I get to the "trait-stealing" discourse...

Almost all superheroes and even many villains-who-have-standards do care about children and rape victims. I can see how some fans would get upset at seeing the broad claim that certain characters really really care about victims, because it implies that most other characters don't care enough. So, yes, all heroes should and do care—although different fans might latch on to different characters that express care in ways they find personally satisfying.

I don't think too many people are arguing that BTAS "Timmy Todd" isn't an adaptation of Jason. Once people realize how much BTAS Tim was clearly inspired by Jason, then most people seem to agree that those are signature traits of Jason. There isn't much debate there, as far as I can tell.

Others have covered Cheer thing better than I could.

I would say, yeah factually, Jason hasn't been a community-based hero in canon, and that's something I find really compelling about him. Like several months back on Reddit (yeah yeah I know lol), I did bring up Selina in the Brubaker run as a contrast to Jason. Selina became a community-based hero in that era, and Jason was not.

I believe that Jason did not think of himself as someone who can make connections with others (at least before he was magicked back into the Batfamily by the Morrison run and the New 52). He couldn't be a community-based hero because he couldn't be part of a community. He wasn't building up a neighborhood, he wasn't a neighbor to anyone. He did help people—and then he'd leave them, just walk away without a personal connection. I can't quite articulate it, but there is a distinction between Selina's streak of running away from "being domesticated" for better or for worse, and something like Jason's belief that he is this thing that is incapable of connecting with people. (Jason's immature idea that it's not his role to heal people and be part of society is the very idea that Bruce keeps reverting to as a middle-aged ultra-rich man with several kids and a famously massive support system btw! Bruce is literally doing it again right now!)

Also Selina did do all sorts of selfish, hurtful things when she was Jason's age, and when she was older too. (And she was AMAZING at it! I'm not against her Robin Hood era, but I miss her self-indulgence and misadventures as a rogue.) Helena was going ham mowing down ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀssᴇs ᴏғ ʟᴏᴡ-ʟɪғᴇ sᴄᴜᴍ back when she was a bit older than Jason is now as a defanged ex-villain in current-day comics. (Hey, I'm not going to be some self-appointed cop holding her accountable for that. Sometimes fictional women set fictional men on fire to cope. 🤷‍♀️ Her outfit looked great while she was burning people alive in front of children. We Aquariuses are free spirits.)

I'd love for Jason to return to Crime Alley and set up there. He's this guy who kept having his connections cut over and over, then became this weird tumbleweed thing cut off from everything, and then he could regrow his roots where it all began. As you say, there are millions of people in Gotham to help (...or to haunt; lesser evil Jason could be my jam too). And that's exactly what fan fiction is supposed to be—fans' wish-fulfillment for the potential of stories and characters. Yes, there is fanon in the fan fiction. That's where the fanon belongs.

A lot of this "trait-stealing" discourse is not helpful, it's not kind. It's not interested in actually exploring the contrasts and parallels between these characters. It's actually stripping these women and girl characters of their traits and their journeys to label them "Female Jason". It's an echo chamber, maybe even a bit a snobfest.

Like I'm sorry. The stories of these women in their mid-20s and 30s who have lived in their own apartments, established their careers, formed adult relationships, come to understand their sexuality—they don't have the same journey as the societyless freak-of-nature zombie boy beefing with his own dad who is the local god-tyrant.

If I argued that Helena, JPV, Cass, and Damian all retread the same boring tortured killer cult-deprogramming redemption arc, then that'd be reductive and narrow-minded and frankly anti-storytelling of me.

Or if I just jumped to assume that fans who headcanon Bruce as Jewish are stealing his cousin Kate's canon Jewishness and refusing to engage with a canon Jewish lesbian character out of sheer bigotry, then that'd be skipping straight to the most negative possible assumptions that I could make about actual real-life people and their motives.

That's really the worst part of this. Reaching to assume the worst in real-life people. The moral posturing. This need to display superiority. Over—I can't emphasize this enough—the consumption of corporate American superhero comics.

#This isn't coherent at all lol. I'm going to start Vyvanse soon. It's supposed to help. #Red Hood #Jason Todd discourse #fandom discourse CW #asks and answers #anon ask #If you want me to elaborate or be more coherent on anything here then you can try to shoot me an ask with a very specific prompt.

[thevagabondexpress]

i really appreciate how you bring up 'james and matthew are spiralling together in their parabatai bond' like it's the most obvious thing ever. their friendship, since academy days, gives 'i'm hurting and this is the only person who kinda gets it and i can fully be myself around' vibes (yes matthew does withdraw with the events of cls, but the vibe's still kinda there). to me they stay relatively healthy given everything due to four lightwoods; lucie sometimes; and when cordelia comes she quickly joins the select 'i don't have to pretend around you' few for both of them. james has that just-instinctively-getting-each-other friendship with thomas which mirrors jem and will in some ways and is less one-sided. james and christopher have this neurodivergent synergy where james gives a reason for christopher to do what he loves (hey i'll try your experimental weapons) and gets new weapons and that kind of validating normalisation for him to pursue his own interests, albeit more quietly. matthew is a bit of a carer for those two and he hasn't quite broken out of that yet in tlh (a bit similar to how james is still Protective Older Brother to lucie and not quite vulnerable) but he is close with anna and does get close with eugenia. all meaning they don't go completely echo-chamber.

anyway, this is an ask and not a ramble. so i want to know where you think this goes in time to come. to me, both of them make a new friend in chain of thorns: matthew realises he and alastair actually have a lot in common and can slowly build a genuine friendship around Everything, and james discovers jesse is the Most Relatable and Admirable Person Ever (not replacing the way he relates to and admires his wife and parabatai of course, even thomas in some ways). and so the support system is going strong. i still want both of them to be in therapy and at least gaining an understanding of What Is Going On and This Might Help You Cope. but it's a good reminder of how even today that's not always accessible. you can answer this is in a christopher-positive world, i'll be nice. (and think it gives more thought fodder). keen to hear it!

also, since this is something that has been happening quite often in parabatai pairings across tsc, do you think that feelings for someone can be contagious in a way through the parabatai bond? especially when they refuse to acknowledge them so it kinda just bubbles up and takes over and neither realise it's happening to the other too? if so, bonus question, how do you think that plays out when they catch feelings for each other? is it a confidence boost that becomes Magical Mania (because i swear the buzzed feeling i had for years at a time once came from an empathy mirror like that, not quite parabatai but it was feelings for me in someone whose feelings i always felt myself) amplifying so much power within a closed system that it explodes from it and makes Angel Giants whose power might burn them to death? (and side note while we're here, given that james survived belial's Very Powerful Presence in his body and julian is assumedly descended from lucie do you think that's partially why he and emma survived being Angel Giants? and jace heavenly fire aside from his angel blood?) like i know you've talked about this parabatai curse theory, i'm just fishing for/feeding you details to take or leave.

and do you think, when they feel such discouragement and hatred towards themselves as we sometimes see (going back to heronchild now) it does the opposite--drains the energy for both of them, turning the bond into a bit of a vacuum and a rut that's many times harder to get out of--but survivable because of the company there? and also do you think that, as awful as this is, it could be harnessed somehow for mood regulation (going off bipolar matthew headcanon the fact that he always has james there to anchor him in his rapidly changing moods). then, on the flip side, do you think this could've amplified whatever went on with james in the midnight heir if matthew was similarly deranged? sorry for the long and multiple-interconnected-things ask!!

(also i did just follow you on wattpad but i rarely use it these days and will not read anything without your express permission)

okay, so: a) don't worry about the very long ask, you have given me some interesting questions, and b) i'll try my best to answer them but excuse me if it's an incoherent ramble.

i think the biggest difference between james + matthew and will + jem is that james and matthew have other people, something that will and jem do not (which is actually so sad because they do, they really do, but they can't see it). which is really good; they both have support systems, both together and individually, outside of their parabatai bond. even people they might walk on a little bit unintentionally in the process still choose to be there for them because regardless of how they're treated, they care and they're worried and there are ultimately more good memories to be made than bad ones. they're held up by their friends, by their families, by the people they love and the people they are in love with. whereas, though i'll accept other shipping and not-shipping headcanons for them, i think a lot of the weird not-wholly-platonic feeling will & jem give off is a side effect of having had nobody but each other to be anything close to open around for so long.

and i do think there's definitely a likelihood that parabatai start crushing on each others' crushes. it makes sense within a bond where one of the factors is that you're sharing emotions. and a bouncing back of their feelings for you onto yourself could definitely be something that happens when parabatai fall in love. ultimately i think the more dangerous reason that parabatai romances are prohibited is not being Angel Giants but all of the toxicity that's likely to come out of a romantic relationship between people who share this kind of a strong empathic bond. regardless of whether it makes Angel Giants or not.

and so yeah. it does make sense that when you've got parabatai who collectively have less self-esteem and/or sense of self-worth than dorothy's companions on the way to oz, they would sink into that quagmire together. i do think it could no doubt have been a factor in something like the midnight-heir-weirdness. and while i do think that you could harness it to help keep each other stable, it'd be something that would require years of practice and trial-and-error and could potentially be dangerous in the meantime.

(and we'll see)

#james herondale #matthew fairchild #parabatai #empathic bonds #actually let's call it telepathy weirdness

[crippleprophet]

so im going to the doctor in 2 days (i go on the 30th and im writing this on the 28th) and im physically disabled, and this is the first time ive gone to the doctor since late 2019 when i caught covid, and the doctor im going to is our old pcp's son, and our old pcp constantly brushed my dad off and i have all the same stuff as him and m o r e, so i need advice on how to not get brushed off since im 14 and my dads side has a past of drug seeking and shit. ive already made a list of all my symptoms but other than that i straight up dont know what to do

oh, god, i’m so sorry. my medical neglect journey started at 16 (aside from psychiatrization starting at 14) & i had no language for what i was going through so this ask really makes my heart ache, for you & my past self. on the one hand, you knowing to expect & prepare for this kind of shit puts you leagues ahead of where i was at your age; on the other, no amount of understanding the systemic ableism behind your pcp’s behavior will erase the pain & trauma of not being believed.

here’s some general appointment prep i do + other advice, as always with the caveat that i am Just Some Guy on the internet & you know your circumstances best:

think about the narrative you want to craft. i’ve got a primer on how to lie to doctors if that’s the route you want to take. try to group things by category (autoimmune symptoms together, neurological symptoms at a separate point in the conversation, etc) without saying that that’s what you’re doing to like set up the paint by numbers for him & hope he picks up the brush.

in that vein, lead with the symptom you want to prioritize. doctors are trained to build a diagnosis around the “chief complaint,” so burying the lede—or even listing it second—is more likely to get those symptoms ignored.

in addition to listing symptoms themselves: when they started, frequency/duration, intensity, how it impacts your daily life. framing things through the lens of “i want to be a good little normative student but X keeps making it difficult to do Y” usually goes over better.

if a supportive adult will be with you, talk to them about what you’re going to say & at what point you’d theoretically want them to intervene / push back against the doctor’s response, & how so.

determine your goals for the appointment. do you want a referral to a particular specialist? certain testing to be done? a prescription for a particular medication? the more you’ve thought about what you want out of it, the easier it is to advocate for that outcome.

ask leading questions, invoke other authorities, & act like you don’t know shit. for example, if i was trying to get bloodwork of an ANA panel from my rheumatologist, i’d be like, “my pcp was really concerned about this face rash that i’ve been having along with my joint pain, he said there’s some sort of blood test to check if it’s, like, lupus or something?”

do your research, but never ever mention that you have. if you’ll have an adult with you & this would be a safe conversation to have / they’d listen to you, it’s worth mentioning to them that a lot of doctors get dismissive when patients mention having googled symptoms.

this post on finding + navigating specialists might be relevant, especially if you want to get a referral or try to find a new pcp (obv decisions affected by insurance or lack thereof, whether your parents are supportive, etc)

i’ve also got this post about coping with medical neglect & trauma if you want to plan for / set up any of those coping mechanisms in advance.

i really want you to know that no matter how your appointment goes, your disabilities & symptoms are real, & you deserve quality, compassionate, comprehensive healthcare. unfortunately, under an ableist healthcare system it’s impossible to earn our way out of medical neglect—fucking tragically, doing everything “right” at an appointment doesn’t mean we’ll get taken seriously—& equally, folks who don’t know or bother to play this bullshit game are still just as deserving of care & shouldn’t be victim-blamed for neglect they’ve experienced.

i hope some of this is helpful! feel free to send a follow-up ask if there’s any other info or support i can provide. i’ll be thinking about you on the 30th & hope things go as well as possible 💓💓

#asks #faq

[emsprovisions]

gus!!

Send me a character

character: GUS GUS GUSSSS!!!! I love him so so so so much he is my PRECIOUS

ship with: Matt hehehehe <3

brotp: Hunter, Willow, Vee, and Luz

general opinions: Where do I begin? Gus is perfect (end of essay 😂). I will admit he wasn't my favorite character from the show until about last October, after TTT aired, but he definitely is now. He's just so damn cool. Like, you have this 12/13 year old hanging out with people 1-3 years older than him and he not only holds his own but he's the coolest fucking 13 year old I've ever seen. He's so so smart and powerful, he's mature, and he is way way more than just the comic relief or whatever stale takes I've seen about Gus online. There's nothing wrong with being funny, and there's nothing wrong with using humor to cope with trauma. He's still a young kid going through puberty, and being stuck in the human realm (when it's been his dream to see the human realm) hits him the hardest out of everyone. But people take that scene and really infantilize him over it. He's a single child with a single dad, which makes him a lot like Luz in a way (and I bet they have some shared traumas they can absolutely bond over with losing a parent), but just because he's dependent on his dad and missing him does not make him a small, weak child. He's a kid, yeah, but he's a damn tough kid, and if you're sad, you can bet your ass he will be the first one to try and make you smile. If WAD doesn't have a gus-centric focus y'all will see me on the news! also only Gus would be able to train matty let's be real here LMAO but I love Gus so much and I think he's very relatable to us former-gifted kids, who always felt pressure to surpass everyone's expectations of our skills in school. He has an incredible support system in place with Willow and Hunter, I love their dynamic so much, he really deserves friends like them and Matt!! Because, while yes I do ship Gus with Matt, I hc that they build up such a strong and solid friendship first, which is how any great relationship should be :) Anyways yeah, Augustus Porter is awesome <3

blog rate: 100000/10

#sorry not sorry that this got long #i love gus #i could talk about him all day #thank you for letting me ramble about gus anon #gus porter #toh #ask game #answered asks

[multi-lefaiye]

hehehe ty all for the encouragement <3 tagging @astral-runic @wherearetheplants @invaderskoodge and @albatris b/c y'all replied directly hewwo <3 and ofc @skitzo-kero hewwo <3

anyway okay so sad people wip is a concept that floated into my brain a while ago and didn't get much development and ngl i almost scrapped it entirely,

BUT yes!!!!! so sad people wip can best be summed up as: a group of strangers, who have each reached rock bottom in various ways, end up becoming each other's closest friends and support system and help each other find reasons to keep going.

now i'm going to list the new cast below, as well as explain the premise in a bit more detail <33

picrew used: [link]

content warnings (please tread lightly if any of these may be an issue! no pressure to read even if i've tagged you here): mentions of drug addiction, suicide, cancer/terminal illness, car accidents, and toxic romantic relationships.

premise in more detail: four strangers come to the same building on the same day with the intent of ending their lives. however, none of them ended up going through with it, because in the end having other people there made them all reconsider. the group ends up keeping in touch and becoming friends, helping each other find reasons to live and cope with living in the hell world.

and now,the characters!

Angel De Santis - he/him

Angel has recently been dumped by his long-time girlfriend AJ, who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Without her, he's lost his main support system, and he's been floundering. He's also slowly starting to realize that this relationship was not as healthy as it seemed to him at the time.

Phoebe Ross - she/her

Ross is a recovering drug addict who recently relapsed after a year and a half of sobriety. She feels as though she's let everyone down and is terrified to face her loved ones after, and part of her believes that she'll never be able to get back up again and that she's ruined everything for real this time.

Dr. Scott Wells - he/him

Scott is a successful surgeon at a local hospital whose life was recently upended by a traumatic car accident. Unfortunately, his wife and daughter did not survive the accident. Now, Scott is struggling to put his life back together without the people that were most important to him, all the while dealing with his own trauma following the incident.

Ezra Navarro Álvarez - they/them

Ezra is a recent widower whose wife passed away after a long battle with cancer, leaving them alone to raise their young son. Unfortunately, their wife's family has started a long, painful, drawn-out custody battle with them, insisting that Ezra is unfit to be a parent. Though Ezra is fighting for their son the best they can, they're starting to lose hope, and they've had no time to grieve their loss on top of everything.

and now,,,,, the actual title,,,,,,, currently the working title for sad people wip is Twelve Stories Club. very dark humor title but this is a dark humor wip

#multi makes text posts #sad people wip #undescribed images cw #i do not have the brainpower to do ids right now i apologize

[emyluwinter]

Top top top

I'm back, my dear!!

I've missed you so much!!! What did I miss interesting? What's the news?

Pheeeeeew, this week has passed so quickly…I'm still a little "shaky" after the train. Ahaha. To go a day on the train is still an experience. Do you know the feeling when you walk on the deck of a ship or a ship?Here I am about the same.

Add to this point that we carried about 10 kilograms in the form of bags and backpacks.

When I was traveling to my destination, there were three small children and their very strict "grandmother" in the train carriage. Because of them, I had to wake up at 6 in the morning…on my vacation..* heavy sigh* (。﹏。)

To put it briefly, I enjoyed the trip! There are a lot of beautiful tall buildings, because of it, our neck vertebrae fell off while we were trying to examine them. Ahaha. We had a delicious meal. Yes, I like to eat delicious. And I also try to improve my relationship with food, in small steps.

For example, I found out that sweet ice cream goes quite well with salty chips.

Or! That breakfast cereals can be filled not with plain milk, but with drinking berry yogurt. And it will be a good option for breakfast. Yes, I'm still discovering some combinations and tastes, my dear.

Please don't tell Vil Schoenheit about what I ate!!*laughs* he'll probably get mad at me..

There were about 400 halls in one of the museums! They are located on three floors, my sister and I went around only the second, and the first, only part of it. Because we were terribly tired and there was no good ventilation system. And those air conditioners that were installed simply could not cope with the load.

I think that Rook and Vil would have been delighted because it was one of the many "palace museums" (they are very huge and luxurious, my dear!)

I even imagined where Hunt was running from one hall to another hall to take pictures of everything. And Vil would say he's like a kid in the toy department.

Actually, that would be true.Heh.

And on the way back we were traveling with several cats and dogs in the same train car!! There was a couple next to us who were traveling with a cat. Very beautiful and elegant. And so quiet!!

"San got the achievement that the cat sniffed her hands, sat on her hips and walked along her leg to climb onto another bed. And poked her nose into mine. It was ticklish and cute."

We didn't bother this couple with the cat, they didn't bother us. So it was one of the most peaceful and quiet long hours on the train.

And a few minuses…

(…unless you count such a large number of people due to the holiday season, everything was fine. But there were so many of them that I felt very uncomfortable.

The queues and booking of tickets to different places were simply monstrous..

And in one of the museums there was a very strange one…a middle-aged man…who walked at a very close distance from me, about 4 museum halls, and by all his actions seemed to be trying to sniff me.He tried to reach my neck with his face all the time… .....it was very creepy and I managed to get away from him.

There were also several other not too trustworthy personalities who approached my sister while she was busy photographing.

Yes, my dear. You can say that I'm paranoid because of anxiety. But I'd rather be ready.

When we were just driving at the beginning of the trip, one fellow traveler with his daughter tried to convince us that "girls don't need a job, you just want to get married well" San can't stand this topic. Excuse me. San received the achievement of "seeing a face full of confusion and bewilderment" when it was firmly said that I was not going to get married and that this was my final point of view. And no, I will not "change my mind" as some are trying to suggest to me. And this man also asked what girls needed instead of marriage, and I honestly said "money" His expression was priceless.

The funny thing is his daughter supported me in this matter.

For each person, the definition of "happiness" is different. Someone sees it in marriage and children, someone in games, someone in music or hobbies. But when they impose this "happiness with a husband and children"… I'm sorry, but San safely wants to jump out of the window like a Papyrus from the game Undertail every time she hears about this topic. щ(゜ロ゜щ)

And some more little news!!

Guys, why was there so little response from you about what you want in the next big scenarios from me?!

If I see correctly, there are +1000 readers in the blog…but only 9 people answered?!9 people out of 1153?!

Of course, I understand that someone doesn't really want to communicate with me, but that everything was so bad……

I am infinitely grateful to everyone who wrote to me, you are a brave cinnamon bun, I will definitely remember you!!And thanks for the wishes!!

Due to the fact that I was on vacation and I'm STONE-sure that my work was not transferred to anyone from colleagues and now it's a snowball….it's going to take a lot of effort for me to get back to writing. Because all my few resources will be consumed like a hungry beast by work.

Moreover, they will still reproach me that if I were not on vacation, there would be no work accumulated…

I wanted to make something out of art for my birthday. And this is already August 27…but apparently I will be absorbed in work. and I'll just knock any thought of overtime out of my head because they won't pay me for it, and it will be much more expensive to restore my health..

The post was delayed a little. Excuse me. I really missed all of you guys. I hope you are doing well!

#san asks #san back

[goshdanghowdy]

I’m a little bummed out by season 2 of Inside Job. In season one I was alright with the supporting cast not being the deepest set of characters because the world building brought in a lot of fresh characters that were funny and interesting. 

But season 2 seemed a lot weaker and like it focused on characters more while not really building them out enough to make them interesting and there wasn’t enough wacky background stuff going on to alleviate how underwhelming the character development was. It felt like the background cast got more screentime while the show regressed their characters from last season, and really outside of Gigi and Brett, I found most of the supporting cast a little worse.

I felt like Rand especially was taken in a direction that didn’t really match his season 1 character trajectory. Rand seemed to be borderline sociopathic in season 1 and it was hard to tell what his motivations were and if he genuinely cared for Reagan, or if she was just a tool for him to have control and enact revenge. I think this made him a very interesting and compelling villain with a lot of potential for growth and conflict with Reagan. 

But season 2 basically opens by saying “Nah we’re not doing that”. And there’s just never any real conflict or development between Rand and Reagan. It really feels like the show built up how Reagan would have to outsmart and/or potentially get her father to have a change of heart so she could retrieve control of her life goals. 

Instead the plot just seems to go “Nah shes not smart enough to do that on her own, she should just distract herself to cope”. Suddenly Reagan seemed to lose all her determination, conviction and self discipline. Suddenly she needed others to support her to achieve her life’s passion, when most of season 1 she seemed really adept at pursuing what she wanted against all odds, external pressures and a system that seemed constantly rigged against her. I think I found that a really disappointing turn for her character, because I loved Reagan’s obsessive isolationist nature, and how she could be self centered, neurotic, and controlling but was never intentionally malicious about it.  She seemed to suddenly go from being too aloof to being too concerned about other’s approval.

Rand’s character development also felt as if it bent to support this unnatural direction in the storytelling. It felt like he became a lot more affectionate, emotionally honest and contrite out of nowhere during season 2 and that seemed to also serve to remove him as an effective antagonist. Seeing as he was a pretty big force for the plot in season 1, his character being so toned down in season 2 seemed to leave a pretty big vacuum for driving forces in the plot.

I honestly felt like the show avoided effectively using some of the best characters like Alpha Beta, Brett, and Rand, while not really being able to bring in anyone new to justify that choice. The lack of Brett and Reagan duo kinda bummed me out especially as their dynamic is almost always the best part of any episode for me and really seemed to naturally bring out and develop Reagan’s social abilities. 

The jokes also felt more referential and less witty too which kinda made everything about the show seem a little worse. They felt more blatantly pandering to a younger and more progressive demographic in a way that I found obnoxious and less clever even though season 1 had similar jokes, they were smarter and more punchy.

I found Ron to be alright, but I guess he was so isolated from most of the rest of the plot that he wasn’t given a lot of room to have more than two character traits which was loving Reagan and hating his job. I feel like we missed a lot of opportunities with him to explore the Illuminati or react to Cognito or something that would’ve added a little more to his personality. 

I feel like the plot let Reagan lose herself in a relationship in a way that just wasn’t enjoyable for the audience, and that all the external forces that normally would’ve complicated her relationship in season 1 (her dad, her company, crazy random stuff in the world itself) just mysteriously didn’t exist or were extremely sedate in a way that felt uncharacteristic. Reagan just kinda seemed to complicate her own relationship for no reason in a ways that felt rather boring and unimaginative for her character. 

Overall season 2 just felt disjointed, I enjoyed it but I guess it felt like eating a dish full of all the things I liked but not in the right amounts. The chemistry was off and it really felt like the writing lacked oversight or needed more drafts or something so that all the different aspects gelled well together. I wish the jokes had been less lazy and more layered and that the show had continued being sardonic while also being sincere. 

Honestly, watching season 2 just made me want to rewatch season 1 because I just felt reminded of how much better the execution was. 

#inside job #inside job spoilers #README.md

[chrysocomae]

Even Kremlin supporters admit Russia has created ‘a humanitarian disaster zone’ in occupied Ukrainian cities

09.09.2022

By Halya Coynash

Residents of the Ukrainian cities in Donbas which Russia virtually razed to the ground while claiming to 'liberate'  are facing humanitarian catastrophe this winter with Russian officials “incapable” of rebuilding what Russia has destroyed.  Although the cities’ elected leaders have long spoken of the danger, the above warning came from Ihor Dimitriev, a former Odesa City Council deputy from the pro-Russian ‘Rodina’ party who threw in his lot with the aggressor state back in 2014. 

While the weather remains reasonably warm, it is possible for people, for example, in occupied Sievierodonetsk, Lysychansk or Mariupol, to cook and wash in the street, while hobbling some kind of existence in the ruins of their homes.  That could change very soon, with the lack of electricity, running water and heating, as well as the dangerous conditions of many bombed apartment blocks, a real threat to life.  Even where the Russian invaders have had time to resolve the most burning issues, this has clearly not been done.  At the end of August, the Mariupol City Council posted a video of a near revolt in the city after the Red Cross tried, in the face of an overwhelming crowd, to cancel the issue of humanitarian aid.  After besieging Mariupol for many months and blocking Ukrainian supplies of humanitarian supplies, Russia has now left residents dependent virtually solely on the Red Cross.  It is likely that some ‘humanitarian aid’ is being sent from Russia – and syphoned off by those now controlling the city.  Except, of course, for that which they show being distributed by smiling Russians in the propaganda videos which officials from Moscow are adept at organizing. 

All of the above is confirmed in recent posts on his Telegram page by Ihor Dimitriev.  He can certainly not be suspected of pro-Ukrainian sentiments, although his blunt honesty may well get him arrested in the ‘Russian world’ to which he switched allegiance.

On 31 August, Dimitriev also posted the videos from angry Mariupol residents.  He called this the first revolt of the hungry in Mariupol, but not the last. 

He then followed with the comment that, as he had said even before Russia’s full-scale invasion, “Russian officials are simply not capable of organizing normal life in the new territories.  Not because they’re fools (although more often than not that too), but because the entire system of management is aimed not at working through challenges and carrying out new projects, but at stability and control.”

“For that reason, I think that the new territories will, in winter, become a humanitarian disaster zone. No restoration of heating and plumbing is taking place in many of the populated areas that suffered.  The restoration of residential buildings is largely taking place only for appearances – on the main streets, they’ll erect beautiful apartment blocks.”

Dimitriev goes on to explain that there are battles raging – between the Russian proxy ‘Donetsk and Luhansk republics’, the parts of the Russian Federation who formally ‘expressed the intention’ to help restore Donbas and “the Chechens” - for allocation of Russian state contracts. 

In the meanwhile, residents have nothing to live on, with benefits, etc. provided by the Ukrainian state not available, and any Russian help thin on the ground.  Even the (pitiful) 10 thousand roubles proposed by Russian leader Vladimir Putin “have largely vanished somewhere).  Small-time business could have helped, but Russia can’t cope with that.  One of the first things the invaders did after seizing Melitopol (Zaporizhzhia oblast) was to ban street vendors.  In occupied Kherson, they appropriated goods, claiming their sale to be “illegal trading”.

Those, Dimitriev says, who “fantasize” about Ukraine falling this winter from the cold and from hunger should understand that it will not be Ukraine that suffers in the first instance. 

 few days later, Dimitriev returned to this subject, focusing specifically on Sievierodonetsk, one of the cities in the Luhansk oblast that Russia seized after mass bombing and shelling.   He acknowledges that of more than 800 apartment blocks in Sievierodonetsk, most are damaged, with less than half able to be restored.  There is no gas, nor heating.  There is also no electricity or running water, though he says that “some percentage” of the blocks may be able to be connected to these services by the winter.   One of the reasons for delay, he explains, is that there was a fight for Russian state contracts between people from Perm (Siberia) and Ingushetia.   Residents are trying to insulate basements themselves, and are still cooking outside, with the Russian emergencies ministry erecting the same mobile ‘saunas’ (i.e. places to wash) as in Mariupol and other devastated cities.

All of this, it should be stressed, is fully in line with the reports and photos made public by the legitimate local authorities, and by commentators like Denis Kazansky (who first drew attention to Dimitriev’s posts).  Nor is Dimitriev the first supporter of Russia’s aggression to have spelled out the truth.  For a long time, Russia and its proxy ‘Luhansk republic’ [‘LPR’] claimed to have ‘liberated’ Popasna and promised to rebuild the city they had destroyed in this ‘liberation’ process.  Then on 9 August, Kremlin-installed ‘LPR leader’ Leonid Pasechkin openly stated that “there is no particular point” to rebuilding it.

Moscow appears to have two, related, responses to the humanitarian catastrophe it has inflicted upon Ukraine.  One is straight propaganda.  Even before the invaders finally destroyed and seized all of Mariupol, they were erecting screens on which to broadcast propaganda.  It is known also that the FSB has been forcing residents taken against their will to occupied Donbas or Russia to produce videos or sign ‘statements’ claiming that Ukrainian defenders committed Russia’s war crimes and bombed civilian targets.

Even Dimitriev noted a second, less effective, method in Russia’s propaganda campaign for its pseudo-referendum on joining Russia.  It is particularly odd, he says, that the focus in this campaigning is on “historical unity”. 

“A campaigner, some kind of ardent Moscow lad comes to the father of a family and says: “Would you like to discuss our Russian empire?”

He is answered: “Better to talk about deliveries of coal and food”.

The lad responds: “With respect to that, I can’t help.  But in the Russian empire before the revolution, there were great deliveries of food and fuel!”

It remains to be seen whether Dimitriev finds himself arrested, either for ‘discrediting the Russian army’ or on some other, inexplicable, charge.  Any other real reaction to the situation that he describes seems less probable.

- Source

#russian invasion of ukraine #fuck russkiy mir #russian imperialism is still imperialism

[septembersghost]

Sometimes I think harry's explanation on fine line(having s*x and feeling sad) suits hs1 better simply because that's all the album is about. I always think about his 2015-16 and I can't imagine it being any other way. Like I think 2015 was his worst year . First taylor left him and showed up with her bf 3 months after leaving him. Then zayn left the band and he definitely hated(atleast resented zayn for that) . He was snarky everytime zayn was brought up. I also felt like the boys also isolated him and blamed him for z.In some bts there was ot3 standing close then there was.......harry. If louis blamed harry in 2019 for breaking band we can imagine how he behaved in 15. on top there was Robin's cancer. So he had a lot to deal with and he was only 21-22. I genuinely don't think I'll be able to go through all that unscathed. So he didn't have a silver lining to look for in that stage and he used sex as a defence mechanism. Taylor left him when he had a bit more less-messy life I don't think hs1 would be this sad and maybe would've been more positive. I felt like tay left him when he desperately needed someone in his life who truly understands him as a support system. While he wrote it as a heartbreak album there is a lot of underlying issues in it. While he asks 'take the pain away' he is not just talking about Taylor. He is talking about everything in his life. I think Olivia perfectly describes how much he needed her companionship at that moment of his life.

that explanation of fine line is so inaccurate, and i think he said that to try and conceal some of its heartbreak/darkness/vulnerability, but it does the record a bit of a disservice. it's much more than that. i do agree that description is more fitting for HS1, though he does tackle some of that in a deeper way there as well.

idk that i'd characterize his response to zayn as hating him, but he definitely was upset/annoyed and played that off with snarky humor. i'd imagine it also frustrated him that zayn expressed some dismissal of the band as a whole, since harry has always openly been very proud of their music and what they achieved and created, but naturally the two of them had disparate experiences and walked away with individual feelings. i haven't necessarily picked up on the other boys blaming him (although i have seen commentary about h being blamed for the "hiatus" and some of the resentment that went along with that, whether unfounded or not), but that could be due to seeing things in hindsight rather than as they happened. (niall and harry seem quite close to me in press for mitam!)

agree that was a very difficult and tumultuous time for him, and it's easy to forget he was still SO young. there's real grief tucked away on a lot of HS1, and masking that with sex is not at all uncommon. the sorrow and feeling of not knowing how to handle everything is probably clearest in ever since new york, especially since he's said that it's about that specific loss, but shades of it and that uncertainty and hurt show up in ftdt/mmith and even two ghosts as well.

keeping in mind she was also very unwell and in an escalatingly bad place at this time, it makes additional sense as to why they never found a safe moment to land or an ability to work that out. two young, adrift people just trying to hold on and make it through various terrible storms weren't going to be able to build a lasting foundation.

While he asks 'take the pain away' he is..talking about everything in his life. definitely. fame itself is such a monster to deal with and to survive, and to be thrown headfirst into that as a teenager and try to surface and cope with early adulthood and finding your sense of self and experiencing such formative events...the trade-off of success and money or whatever for sharing your creativity and talent being that intrusive, incessant fame is nightmarish to consider. the entire concept of scrutiny on that level fills me with dread tbh. and it's been challenging and hard from the advent of popular celebrity, we've seen its destruction on so many people, sadly. it's incredible anyone survives it with their minds and hearts intact at all.

#and as i say every time we then are complicit in it when we discuss it even though it's all public record #that idea that if it's in a song or an interview it's 'fair game' is true to an extent but also. complicated. #i try to be really careful broaching it #thinking about this a lot lately reading stuff about ep too and knowing what i do about mm and so on... #the stories ALWAYS have heavy and sad similarities #and the double edged sword being that they need us (the audience) to thrive and *be* successful with their art #but we also end up adding to certain pressures and noise and taking things too #or as my friend said last night we scavenge from them even when we love/respect them and even when that's not our intent #anonymous #letterbox

[mariacallous]

ROME, Sept 13 (Reuters) - Italy votes in a national election on Sunday Sept. 25 after Prime Minister Mario Draghi's national unity government was brought down by party infighting in July.

WHO WILL WIN?

Polls have consistently shown that a rightist coalition led by the nationalist Brothers of Italy party and also involving the League party and Forza Italia is on course for a clear victory. Brothers of Italy leader Giorgia Meloni would be the likely choice to be the country's first female prime minister. read more

WHAT WILL BE DECISIVE?

Brothers of Italy has seen a surge in its support after it remained outside of Draghi's government. The League, led by Matteo Salvini, and Silvio Berlusconi's Forza Italia were both part of the government and their support has slipped.

The right has been helped by divisions in the centre-left where attempts by the main Democratic Party (PD) to form a broad electoral alliance fell apart.

That leaves three main groups fighting for votes - the PD and its allies, the centrist Azione party and its Italia Viva partner, and the anti-establishment 5-Star Movement.

Italy's electoral system favours groups able to form broad alliances, likely amplifying the right-wing bloc's victory. read more

WHAT ARE THE MAIN ISSUES FOR VOTERS?

As in other European countries, the cost of living crisis has overshadowed other concerns such as immigration, crime and public services.

The conservative alliance has called for tax cuts across the board to help Italians cope with rising prices, while the PD wants tax reductions to be more targeted towards lower income groups.

Meloni has repeatedly voiced her support for Western policy against Russia after it invaded in Ukraine. But League leader Matteo Salvini has called for the European Union to shield Italians from the economic side-effects of sanctions imposed on Russia over the invasion. read more

WHO ARE THE KEY PLAYERS?

Giorgia Meloni, 45. The former far-right activist from Rome has energised her party, which is set to see its share of the vote leap to around 25% from only 4% at the last election in 2018. Her support for NATO and Western sanctions against Russia has helped to ease foreign concerns about her suitability for the post of prime minister. read more

Matteo Salvini, 49. Leader of the League, the abrasive former interior minister, who takes a hard line on immigration, has been eclipsed by Meloni in recent months.

Silvio Berlusconi, 85. The former prime minister has shrugged off ill health and scandal to remain a major player in the rightist alliance, even if his Forza Italia is the junior partner now among its three main parties. read more

Enrico Letta, 56. PD leader, and another former prime minister. His failure to build a stable coalition of centre-left parties has left him facing political defeat. read more

Giuseppe Conte, 58. Leader of the 5-Star Movement. Prime minister from 2018-21, he provoked anger when his party withdrew support for Draghi's government in July, sparking divisions that led to the early election.

His strategy has in part been vindicated by an improvement in 5-Star's poll standings, but the party still faces a spell in opposition.

WHEN IS VOTING?

Polls are open from 0700 to 2300 local time (0500-2100 GMT).

WHAT TO WATCH FOR?

The first hurdle for the rightist alliance will be to gain a majority in both houses of a slimmed-down parliament.

A majority of more than two-thirds would clear the way for parliament to make changes to the constitution without putting them to a referendum.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

Coalition formation in Italy is a notoriously slow process but the prospect of a more clear-cut result means there is unlikely to be a repeat of 2018 when it took almost three months.

The new parliament will convene on Oct. 13. After that date, President Sergio Mattarella can start consultations with party leaders to discuss the formation of a government.

[abzulios]

Man.. it’s been forever.

So in my own little weird corner of the internet, I finally have a spot, I think. I finally moved, got out of the hell I was living in, stuff finally got better, but now.. I’m away from everyone I ever knew. God this is gonna be a long one, but I feel the need to scream into the endless void of the internet.  So, I know we aren’t exactly popular, this isn’t gonna reach that many people, or anything like that, and frankly, we don’t expect it to. I just hope some of the right people out there see it, and I hope it stays, just.. as a piece of me. I always liked reading other people’s words, even after they were long gone, so.. let me add to the pile.  We have been abused our whole life, by parents and adoptive parental figures alike. We have been abused and neglected by friends, family, everyone we could ever have reached out to. We’re finally out of it all, and we couldn’t be more happy. Even though we’re away from it all, we still feel it’s here, dragging us down.. the more and more we get back up, it’s like another brick’s been tossed on the pile. Oh well.. right? Get back up, keep walking. Being an adult is fun, being an adult is an utter living hell. Having to sort through every little legal issue is taxing, and it’s getting harder and harder to explain to the new people we have in our lives what it all means, or how we are. Hell, it’s getting harder and harder to meet these new people. We have to find people to care for and about us, we have to find partners.. friends.. new family even, being as the one we spawned with ditched us when the match started. Hell, we only have one friend still.. he’s the most amazing bro on the planet.. if ya ever meet him, give him a hug for us.. he needs one. Little tiny tea errors I suppose.. all the little problems just keep building up, sorting through them is hell, they’re all different from what we’re used to. Just a little mistake.. here and there.. adding up.. slowly we’re drowning in them.. Sure now we have internet that works, a decent PC, a lovely setup, some goddamned privacy.. but that’s.. all we have. It’s the little things that matter, magical internet. Remember that. Could save your life one day. Don’t ask me how, I don’t know.. but it could. The chance is never zero.  Onto some positives.. we finally feel like we belong somewhere! With the aforementioned privacy, we’ve been able to get things we needed to done rather easily, the internet access has made everything else easier, the music hasn’t killed us yet.. the partners we did have are still hanging around somewhere.. games are still fun.. writing has become a hobby again, instead of a labor-inducing chore. Reading is a hobby again.. model building is no longer a required coping mechanism.. music making too.. we only have to deal with the needed adult things.. we have free time that isn’t occupied by screaming fucktards.. it’s nice.  Maybe come get to know us a bit? I dunno.. we’re a bunch of unique fools stuck together... interesting taste in hobbies and music.. generally chill.. I personally get called a father figure a lot by my online friends.. I don’t know if this is a call for help and support.. or a rant into the void anymore.. and frankly I don’t think I need to care. No one’s ever going to see this, let alone read this far. If you did, I’m sorry I wasted your time.  I might post some of what I write on here.. Dev might as well.. maybe some art.. Who knows? Only you will! Nah.. I won’t be funny here.. this is kinda serious.  Show me how.. Show me how to breathe..  (For the record, we are a system, DID to be specific, if you’re curious as to why we’re using “we/we’re” pronouns.) 

#tw depressing stuff #this is bullshit #this is us #did #bullshit #rant #random rant #sorry for the rant #etc