#he inherited the looks and the mental illnesses of his dads too !! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nicomrade · 6 months

Text

On being lost in the Labyrinth; a Souichi Kiruma and Kaoru Yukiide joint analysis.

I've been wanting to write about Souichi for a while now, but Usogui is BIG and DENSE and goes a LOT of places and Souichi (/Hachina Naoki/Hal) has unstable memory and his role in the story varies a lot (sometimes antagonist, deuteragonist, love interest, side-kick, … ) so... To properly talk about this in one coherent, whole way I had to limit my scope by A LOT so I'm going to look at Souichi through the lense of Kaoru Yukiide, the ways they mirror each other, where they differ and what it means for the broader themes of both Souichi's story and Usogui (manga) in general. And try my hardest to stay on topic.

The full piece turned out almost 7k words long so join me for a bit of a journey under the cut! I included as many images as tumblr allowed me to and it's sectioned in 6 parts including the short prologue so it's hopefully not too hard of a read. Cheers! 🐜🐝

0. Prologue

Kaoru Yukiide is a minor antagonist for the 1st part of the Labyrinth gamble (chapters 83 to 104) of Usogui. His active participation feels almost cut abruptly short but this is indicative of the kind of character he is. He’s no Sadakuni and no Vincent Lalo, he’s just Yukkii. But in those 20 chapters he’s given a full inner world and a full character arc. He is a complete character.

He was diagnosed at 12yo with Encephalitis lethargica (“sleepy sickness”) and at 15 he went into a coma. He’s the son of a police official involved in framing innocent people for crimes the wealthy committed, all for the sake of “keeping order”. His father framed his own wife in one of these schemes, and eventually took the blame for a higher-up’s crime himself. This is a duty and fate Kaoru inherited after waking up from his 10 years coma. He’s now the one who frames innocent people and he, too, will shoulder a death penalty for something he didn’t do. This catastrophic loss to Baku not only condemns his life it also made him realize how twisted his actions and his idea of order have been and it triggers another catatonic episode in him. He’s a character who’s been deeply hurt by following along with what his parents taught him was right without questioning it, and when this worldview crumbles, so does he. But his epilogue in chapter 147 is a happy one! Kaoru wakes up, and yes he now has to come to terms with all the harm he’s done and he feels like it would’ve been better if he’d stayed functionally dead, but he has people who care about him and who will help him. You are never truly alone, things can always get better, you CAN break free from your family’s Labyrinth.

I think Kaoru’s generally an easy character to find hope in- as someone who caused immense harm, but who was still a victim of his circumstances and got to have a second chance at life. In-story we have Marco who comments on the two of them being the same and a lot of what I will discuss here will apply in some measure to him too as a mentally ill character with an abusive dad. However, I find he has striking similarities with Souichi’s story specifically, and looking at the two together can help us shine a light on the complicated fate at the heart of Souichi’s character. I realize by using Kaoru as a tool to talk about someone else- a means to an end and not his own person- I’m perpetuating the very workings of his abuse. I’m sorry Yukkii :(

I. Inheritance

Souichi and Kaoru are both successors to their fathers and they were raised to follow in those footsteps. Souichi, as a Kiruma, is a member of a “sinful bloodline” and was always going to be 21st Leader of Kakerou. His dad raised him this way and put him under Eba’s guidance all so he could stand at the top of Kakerou- the ones who make sure the rules are obeyed perfectly.

[1. Vol 37 Ch. 404 Duwang translation 2. Vol. 9 Ch. 93 Easy Going Scans translation]

Kaoru was not strictly raised as a successor in this way but he inherited this vision of order from his dad, one where the ants that step out of line must be killed. Both him and Souichi are sons who took on that very heavy duty to “keep order” after their respective fathers, and they both became orphans from it. Kaoru’s mom was sacrificed by her husband, and then he sacrificed himself too, leaving Kaoru alone when he woke up at 25. Similarly, Souichi’s mom died before he was born and he will lose his father during the course of the story. He was orphaned, too.

This is not to imply that Tatsuki Kiruma (Souichi’s father) had a personality like Yukiide senior. Kaoru’s dad is characterized as borderline abusive, he is refused any real kind of redemption as we don’t even have a first name or a face to put on him during the Paper Labyrinth chapters. He is the shadow that haunts Kaoru, and he is talked about as the origin of this specific worldview. Tatsuki was an odd father but he was not responsible for his wife’s death and he, too, inherited this fate from his own parents. He is not the root cause of Souichi’s ill. Where Kaoru was lied to and manipulated into following in his father’s footsteps, Souichi became leader willingly. This is getting to the impact a heavy family history can have on someone (whether forced onto them or embraced by them) more than any one individual father’s harm.

The impact of that family history is shown in Kaoru with his sleepy sickness that makes him literally absent from his own life at times. It is a way for him to escape from the real world and the responsibilities and ideals pushed on him. I think it’s very meaningful that his big episode was triggered at 15, that’s right into his first year of highschool, soon an adult. And this mental harm is also seen in Souichi and his chronic memory loss. His own timeline is more vague than Kaoru’s but I think it’s fair to estimate Souichi was around 15 during the 1998 flashbacks, which is when he has a significant memory loss episode and also when he receives doctor feedback on this illness. It is first said to be without cause but later confirmed this is a way for him to remain “perfect” at all times, by throwing out the memory of his flaws and resetting himself back to a clean slate. This is how he is coping with this responsibility of being (or becoming) leader of Kakerou. In Kaoru, this weight puts him in a coma and creates a 10 years gap in his memory, for Souichi it will lead to him forgetting a length of 10 years after the Tower of Karma arc. Sounds familiar?

[vol42 Ch 454 Duwang translation]

What they’ve inherited from their fathers is not just this responsibility towards order, it is also more literally a spot where they have to resort to playing rigged games. Kaoru’s routine with the Paper Labyrinth game is revealed in the manga to be nothing more than a well-practiced script. We see a similar resort in Souichi for the Flying Vehicles bet where he simply has Baku’s (Kakerou appointed) men betray him. This way of approaching games goes against how the Usogui manga portrays gamblers. As shown in Drop the Handkerchief when Souichi admits re-using these sort of means for this game would not give him a “perfect victory” and when Baku congratulates him on “gambling” for the first time, a gambler in Usogui is not just someone who participates in gambles. They are a kind of person who is able to cling to a low chance of victory and keep to their unlikely plan the whole way through all because they aspire to something better than they already have. They are moving forward with no certainty of what will come of it because the reward is worth the risk to them. We see it in Kaji’s character arc, first someone who is the perfect prey to various scammers but who is then able to keep to his convictions and win the Contradictions game without killing his opponent.

Souichi and Kaoru are much closer to the Kaji in that 7-Stud Poker gamble (who is totally out of his depth the second things don’t go as he thinks they should, who loses large sums of money without truly registering it’s happening) than to him in his face-off against Floyd Lee. Think of Souichi accepting and then losing the bet with Baku on the Missile Launch for a grandiose sum, or how he hides behind Yakou in the tunnel. Kaoru is a volatile character during his games, incapable of thinking on his feet (he freezes completely when Kaji interrupts him), think of his outbursts against Kaji or Kadokura that he frames as righteous. The two of them are only performing for the sake of rules and order. They aren’t gamblers because they don’t have that thirst for something better, their drives are completely extinct. They have accepted their situation despite the harm it’s causing, all for the “greater good”.

[Vol48 ch523 Duwang translation]

Their common obsession with puzzles (Kaoru’s Labyrinths and Souichi’s Rubik’s Cubes) is part of this drive for rules and keeping order. Chapter 101 gives us this narration: "Upon first glance, the bewilderment and fear of not knowing what lies ahead reminds one of disorder. But, in ancient times, people created and solved these [mazes and puzzles] to acquire the feelings of relief and order." This text is illustrated by a jigsaw puzzle, a sliding block puzzle, Picross, Tetris and, on the next panel, a Labyrinth as Kaoru knows them. This explains the symbolism behind the Labyrinth Gamble for the Police Department (“The Labyrinth [...] doesn't just solve unsolved cases, they are being solved at the hands of the police.") but also for Kaoru himself. This is a way to fulfill his own need for order, and this idea applies to Souichi too. The Rubik’s Cubes give him relief throughout the story with too many appearances to list comprehensively. We see it as a memory exercise (post-memory loss in the Hangman tunnel, chapter 64), as a motif on a childhood T-Shirt (chapter 412), it simply helps him think (he’s seen playing with one at Gakuhito’s, chapter 273), and the imaginary cubes in Drop the Handkerchief. This culminates in the Rubik’s Cube becoming a symbol of Souichi himself as made explicit in chapter 521. By seeing himself reflected in the cube he is made to be the object of his own obsession. Solving the Cube then becomes his urge to “solve himself”. It is dehumanizing and belittling of his own (very real!) mental problems to view himself as a puzzle that exists for the only purpose of being solved- and that CAN be solved at all. What’s the “true ending” of the human mind? This is not something that has any answer or exit. We know that by the end of 2008, Souichi has resetted his memory 138 times. Souichi and Kaoru are trapping themselves in their own Labyrinths here.

[1. vol10 Ch101 Easy Going Scans Translation 2. vol48 ch521 Duwang translation]

In a way, Kaoru IS the Minotaur: a son who was locked away to his Labyrinth where he is fed innocent victims regularly, both victim and executioner, all because of his father’s sins. Along with Souichi, they are two kids who were groomed into taking their father’s place and have shouldered the weight that came with it from a very young age, and this weight has formed cracks in their minds. This is their way of coping with their fate: they stop being fully present in their own lives, they stop wishing for more, and they blame themselves.

II. Worker Ant and Prince Bee

It’s made clear during Kaoru’s breakdown that ultimately, he too, was an ant. In that final moment before losing consciousness he remembers how, as a child, he did not crush the ant that had strayed out of line. He’d tried to guide it back with its peers, but it did not follow and was accidentally killed. I think both Kaoru and Souichi are acting a version of this story on themselves, both as the child and as the ant. They are forcing themselves to stay in line, hurting and killing themselves slowly for “the greater good”.

[both vol10 ch102, easy going scans translation]

Souichi is likened to an insect as well within the story, he’s Hachina (“蜂名”, 蜂 “hachi” meaning bee), the Prince Bee, the Lost Bee, etc. From that shared bug symbolism we have to remember Souichi’s super-organism speech- a kind of organism that necessitates the loss of individuality for the well-being of the hive. Tatsuki brings this concept up to say the Private Funeral Division and the police as a whole are in such an organism, which would include Kaoru too. Even only going by the definition it’s easy to interpret him as in such a place, “just a cog in a machine”, and the same can be said of Souichi. They are both included in the ones losing their individuality to keep the system alive: “Even the Queen will draw her blood or sacrifice her life for the system.”. This self-sacrifice is something Souichi takes pride in: “[He] isn’t even worth an insect”. He rationalizes his own resolve to harm himself (“being prepared to bleed”) as something he is doing right.

[both Vol 24 ch 257 Duwang translation]

This loss of individuality is seen in how Souichi’s identity has been fragmented. He is “Souichi Kiruma” when he is acting as Leader and “Naoki Hachina” for public-facing matters- disregard that the two often overlap as seen in chapter 68. He was taught not to "build too deep a relationship with anyone" (chapter 273), and his memory loss routinely erases the memory of his bonds anyway. He allows his personal history to be rewritten for the sake of Kakerou (accepting that he did not face Baku Madarame but Kaoru Yukiide on April 9th 2001) and lastly he positions himself as non-human in his introductory scene with the Alien Invasion speech. This speech will come back a 2nd time during Air Poker when he gains full control of his memory, it is iconic of Souichi’s character and it is worth looking more deeply into.

[Vol6 Ch55 Duwang translation]

The image evoked here is that of an alien leader, “we” means the alien society as a whole- in this case it’d be Kakerou. Just like in the super-organism speech, he views himself as only one element in something much bigger than himself. This really puts the dehumanization into perspective. He’s a bee, he’s a super-organism, he’s an alien. He’s just barely a name, and not even a face. It takes the manga until the very end of chapter 68- the conclusion of the Hangman gamble- to show us Souichi’s face properly. It is completely obscured during the Alien Invasion scene and the referees do not call him by name. He’s just a faceless leader. He’s so little of a person already, and digging into the alien analogy only furthers this idea.

Alien Invasions as a trope also come with the “take me to your leader” shtick, that IS reflected in the story if we look at who Souichi has directly interacted with in the manga. He’s first introduced outside of flashbacks when he personally comes to the Hangman gamble to see Sadakuni, the leader of a terrorist organization. He gambles with Commissioner Sasaoka during the Tower of Karma arc. He invites Vincent Lalo, leader of Ideal, to meet him. He seeks out and shadows Nobuko during Protoporos, who will be crowned King and is shown as the strongest player on the island. Only then does he seek out a meeting with Baku, after he’s won the Ban and has earned that right. The point is, he only really interacts as a Leader and with other Leaders- it’s from one super-organism to another. He only deals with other people as parts of their own collective, this is the same world view as Kaoru’s with his ants that cannot exist outside of the collective. They both dehumanize others and themselves and this is something they’ve inherited from their fathers (the super-organism speech being started by Tatsuki Kiruma).

The dehumanization inherent to their places is also seen in the shadowy figures that haunt Kaoru and Souichi. Kaoru’s represents the memory of his dad, it tells him what to do and what to think, he looks to it for reassurance. Souichi’s takes the shape of a stretched version of himself that act upon him (as an alien does the human it kidnapped, and like Kaoru does to his ants.) These are two strikingly similar manifestations of the inner workings of their suffering minds. More than that, Souichi and Kaoru’s goal, here, is to fully BECOME that shadowy figure that haunts their psyche. That faceless, nameless existence is representative of what’s already succumbed to the super-organism. It’s something that takes over Kaoru when he gives in to the idea that anything can be justified for the sake of order and it’s the part of Souichi that dictates the memory resets. Their shadow is the part of them that’s “prepared to bleed”. It is the ideal ant. Let it be noted, then, that Kaoru becoming one with his is drawn in the same way as Souichi is when we first see him.

[the shadowy figures. Vol10 Ch98 Easy Going Scans Translation + Vol42 Ch454 Duwang Translation]

[Vol 10 ch98 Easy Going Scans translation + Vol 2 Ch 14 Duwang translation]

This is where the comparison takes its full meaning. It is obvious from Kaoru’s story that he is a victim of his situation; that he was manipulated into taking his father’s place by someone he trusted during his most vulnerable moment. He had just lost all that remained of his family, of course he’ll chase after the only thing he has left of it (his father’s spot in the Labyrinth game). Telling him not to is only making him believe that he had more agency in this decision than he really had. Can we say the same for Souichi?

Compared to Kaoru’s worker ant, Souichi holds much more power and freedom. This is reflected in his family situation being healthier and in him willingly stepping to the Leader role instead of being manipulated into it, as discussed previously. It then begs the question, since Souichi realizes that this is harmful to him, that his very humanity is being taken apart, why doesn’t he leave? Being Leader of Kakerou is not a lifelong duty, his dad retired and became referee almost 10 years before he died. Even without an heir to succeed him, couldn’t Souichi find a way? Is the system really worth all this harm?

III. November 23rd 1998

In 1998 Souichi has a memory loss episode and wonders around, following the instructions Eba gave him to find his way back. During this period he meets Baku Madarame and as per the Prince Bee narration they filled the hole in each others hearts.

[Vol30 Ch323 Duwang Translation]

Baku also gave him a new name- Hal- and generally showed him another way of living. One that is much more chaotic, dangerous, but also much more free. This is his alternative to Kakerou and being assimilated into the super-organism. After some time he gets his hands on the clue that will allow him to meet up with Eba, but before that there is a gamble he decides to take. That is the Russian Roulette Poker game against Fukurou on November 23rd. Souichi- Hal- usurped Baku’s place and decided to take the gamble himself. Despite the common in-story interpretation, this was not a sacrifice he made for Baku (see chapter 455). It is something he did for himself.

The reason he takes that gamble is because he’s a man of rules. He wants to stay by Baku’s side but he can’t just abandon his duty at Kakerou like this, and most importantly, he doesn’t want to make the choice himself. To decide for himself has consequences, it’d mean he, on purpose, betrayed his bloodline. It’d mean he broke the unwritten rule that it is his duty, as a Kiruma, to lead Kakerou. So instead, he turns to leaving his fate to a gamble. If he wins, it would be his sign to forsake his Souichi Kiruma life and stay by Baku’s side, but if he loses Hal would die.

There is a suicidal drive in this. We know Souichi did survive his loss and that the gamble took place in the building owned by Eba; there were preparations in place to facilitate his survival. Despite this, it is my reading that he was truly, fully, prepared to lose his life if he couldn’t keep being Hal- if he had to go back to being Souichi. Regardless of his intent at the time (if he did bet on his survival or not) there is weight to that symbol. Hal- Souichi- put a gun to his head because he yearned for something else, and in chapter 321 as Souichi in 2001 explains that he’ll kill himself if Baku wins Surpassing the Leader, we are then shown a scene from November 23rd of a black-suited man laying on the floor, presumably dead. This was suicide, if not on a literal level, on a symbolic one. It really did “kill Hal”- the only part of him that didn’t belong to Kakerou.

[Vol 30 ch321 Duwang translation. Notice the date on the clock.]

This leaving of things to fate brings us back to the Alien Invasion speech again, but in a flipped perspective of it. Another big part of alien stories is the alien abduction. Its appeal as a trope is the fantasy of being forcefully taken away and changed forever. Now, Souichi would no longer be the alien but the human the aliens act on. It’s an inversion of our original reading of it and it does position Hal in the picture instead. In a way, he has already been “taken away and changed forever” in 1998. His thread to return home was intercepted by Baku (the Prince Bee picture book) and he had to follow him into this new lifestyle. He feels like he “will never be able to become [himself] again” (chapter 321). But the aliens always bring the person back home in the end, and they have to carry on with that memory (and alien abduction stories also come with their share of memory loss, another one of Souichi’s motifs). What I really want to get to here is this duality of the invasion speech. On one hand, Souichi is the Aliens and a part of something greater, and on the other, Hal is the individual being taken away.

[Vol30 Ch321 Duwang translation.]

Souichi will try to escape his fate of being the alien again. During the Lost Bee arc, he has another major memory loss incident and he flees so he can meet with Eba secretly (having forgotten that Eba is now dead). During that escape he meets Baku again and from there the Protoporos arc starts, an arc where Souichi willingly takes on the name of Hal again. He will cling to this identity, seeking out his missing memories (chapter 449 for one exemple), looking for that place outside of Kakerou’s reach once more. Just for a little while, he is indulging in this special permission he is given to be Hal until the Ban ends. Then, the game is over and he has to be Souichi Kiruma again. Hal goes back to the dead, reburied, it’s over, it’s gone.

[vol43 ch469 Duwang translation]

This is also relevant to the end of Air Poker. During the game, he realizes that his systemic erasure of memories under stress will make him lose, that this aim to be perfect has rotted his brain, and that it’s nothing but a pipe dream (chapter 455). He finally accepts the fact that every person is flawed- only to then turn around and decide that therefor he has to try even harder to be perfect. He views his newfound control over his memory, of what he forgets and what he keeps, as proof of his extraordinary being. He thinks that even though no human can, HE can get close to perfection. It’s Icarus building himself a 2nd pair of wax-wings and giving the sun another try. The mythological comparison applies a bit further than that too. Icarus is the son of the architect of the Labyrinth. His father warned him not to fly too low or too high, which is to say not to want too little or too much. Tatsuki taught Souichi that “to be able to enjoy a delicious meal, to feel pain when you see blood, or wanting to avoid being hurt and hurting others" that is the default state of being he should seek. Instead, Souichi embraced his hubris, as discussed this role where he is “prepared to bleed” is something he takes pride in. He is no longer flying to escape the Labyrinth he was put in but to reach the sun itself despite having already fallen into the sea once before. It’s a fool’s errand.

[1. vol42 ch455 Duwang translation and 2.vol46 ch496 Duwang translation]

This contradiction arises from the fact that he did try being human and flawed before! He is not naively refusing to change. He already tried being Hal and he died for it! He died. He has no other option: “A dead person cannot be revived." (chapter 496). There is no alternative for Souichi, yes he is the Prince Bee, yes he is the ruler of the mind-breaking machine, son of the Architect, but he cannot escape his bloodline on his own. No matter his place in the system he cannot win against it. He is powerless to change things for the better as long as he is navigating within its rules.

IV. The Place That You Belong

There is a recurring idea in Usogui (manga) of the place that people belong to. It’s presented as something everyone has, and that as long as they’re there everything will turn out right for them. It’s “the stage that you shine on” (chapter 539), etc. Souichi explains this idea himself in the epilogue. Are you where you’re meant to be? Are you betraying yourself by refusing to stand in the right place?

[vol49 ch539 Duwang translation]

This concept is relevant to every character in Usogui but it’s best illustrated by Baku and Kyara. In Kyara’s fight against Jonglyo it is his bond with Baku that makes him win, the place that he belongs is by Baku’s side (chapter 384). This is why he lost against Marco during the Hangman arc, and never lost again. Baku’s only ever lost the Flying Vehicles bet, which he lost on purpose: he is already at the place that he belongs. This why they are the two characters who “keep on winning” no matter what, because they are following their “correct path”. It is why you want to be where you belong and why you belong there in the first place, because as long as you keep to it you will keep on “winning”.

For Kaoru I think it’s obvious the Labyrinth gamble is NOT where he belongs. As mentioned, he’s gambling while not being a gambler himself and he’s completely out of his depth when things are out of his script. He’s not even fulfilling his wish to “keep order”- he’s never solved a single labyrinth, he’s never saved a single person.

After his failure against Fukurou, Souichi resigns himself to accepting Kakerou as the place he belongs. But is that really true? As discussed, you know you’re on the right path because you keep on winning. In Hangman he had this to say: "A life in which I continue to win forever... I guess that's just my destiny?" (chapter 56) but it’s demonstrably not true! Souichi does lose! He lost his bet for the book in 1998, he lost against Fukurou, he didn’t manage to take over Tipa, and he lost Drop the Handkerchief. If it was his place to be Leader of Kakerou at that time he wouldn't have lost Surpassing the Leader. He isn’t Baku or Kyara. He is not where he belongs.

So if it’s not by Baku’s side and it’s not at the head of Kakerou either, where does Souichi belong, then? There are times that Souichi miraculously “wins”. We see it in Air Poker where he overcomes his memory loss and regains ALL discarded memories, and we see it when he wakes up in the hospital during the epilogue. These miraculous recoveries, I think, are indicative that he was doing something right at those times. The common thread between the two is that Souichi (or Hal) was acting in Baku’s interest without totally disowning his ties with Kakerou. He invites Fukurou to become a referee at the end of Air Poker and he steps up to being Leader again during the epilogue, but in the 1998 flashbacks he was hiding his bloodline and denied knowing what Kakerou was. This blatant lie is the narrative reason that made him lose against Fukurou, and his rejection of ever having been changed by Baku is what made Kakerou wrong for him afterwards. He does not belong anywhere until he stops living these lies. He cannot abandon Kakerou OR Baku, he needs both.

This is the reason Souichi and Kaoru became prey to the Lie-Eater. They were living their respective lies, and so Usogui came and ate them up. “It all began with a small lie” (chapter 535).

[vol6 ch 64 Duwang translation]

Kaoru should’ve died from this defeat after he was made to shoulder Baku’s loss at Surpassing the Leader, but he was saved in extremis by his own mental illness. He fell unconscious and this was judged as “collection on his life” enough for Kadokura so he was spared. He got to wake up in a hospital post-canon, free of this place he did not belong to, and still living. This is also the pattern Souichi follows. It is his mental illness that makes him lose Drop the Handkerchief, his memory loss episode that made him forget about the leap second and that Baku exploited. This defeat at Surpassing the Leader means he is now free of his duty to be Leader, and it allows him to later wake up in the hospital like Kaoru did. He can now be his own person, without any lies, without killing his mind to stay perfect- the very thing he’d tried to do on his own and failed. In a way, wasn’t he saved by his illness, too? And isn’t it their respective flaws that let them become their own person again, that re-humanized them?

In a lesser way this is also reflected in the Referee who presides over the Labyrinth gambles, Yuudai Kadokura. He’s characterized as a man of restraint during the arc. He, too, is obsessed with carrying out his job perfectly and tries his best to contain his emotions. “Please excuse me... Momentarily, I, Kadokura Yuudai, have unintentionally made a face that was a little indiscreet." (chapter 91) and this self-restraint will be lifted after he suffers (and recovers from) brain damage. It’s their mental ill that saved Souichi and Kaoru and that lifted Kadokura’s chains.

Usogui (manga) as a whole has more to say about this idea that it is our flaws that make us human. We see it in the Hangman gamble, when Sadakuni is hanged. He first claims he’s not afraid of death but in his final moments he thrashes and struggles and admits he doesn’t want to die here. Baku comments: “I won't let you die as a monster. You should at least die as a human.” (chapter 66). This explicitly conflates someone’s humanity with this display of desperation. It asks the question, can you accept your own death gracefully and remain human? What is being human but to fight tooth and nails for more out of life? Isn’t being alive inherently grotesque? This is also reflected in the ending of Air Poker in Vincent Lalo’s final, ugly, moment, just to name one other example. We are back to Tatsuki’s definition of what being “normal” is like, and it is this human fear of death and blood that makes the gamble against Commissioner Sasaoka work. Generally, it is the thirst for things that you don’t have and the willingness to fight for them no matter how unsightly you get that makes us truly alive- like a gambler is. This is reflected in the Protoporos arc when Champ chooses to stay on the island because he feels alive for the first time after having gambled with Baku as well as in Kaji’s character arc more broadly.

[Vol7 ch66 Duwang translation + vol38 ch 412 Duwang translation]

For all that Souichi tried to erase his failures and reach perfection he was only making himself less and less human. It’s only when he let his true desires show in Drop the Handkerchief and that he truly fought to “one up” Baku that he started to approach something that rings true. To be human is to be flawed and to accept and remember this, and grow stronger from having tasted defeat. And it is this defeat, that honest and bitter defeat, of Souichi at Drop the Handkerchief that leads to the realization of the Prince Bee story’s happy ending- the Prince Bee Duo rising up.

On a surface level, if Baku had lost again there was no way for him NOT to die this time with how weak we know his body to be (see, the Labyrinth Minotaur game and the Dotty game). But more than that, Souichi had to lose and stop being Leader so he could be himself, so he could stop lying about who he is. He cannot change his bloodline, he cannot stop being a Kiruma, but he cannot stop yearning for something more either. He’s a flawed, weird little guy and he will always be changed from Baku’s presence in his life. This defeat returns his humanity to him and it allows him to reconcile the contradictory positions he was in. He can then embrace that he IS Baku’s ally, and he IS Kakerou, too, and come back as his full self and no longer forced to keep people at arm’s length. That is the true place he belongs, both Leader of Kakerou and Baku’s friend.

[all three are vol49 ch 539, Duwang translation]

Both Souichi and Kaoru had to bear the weight of their fathers’ inheritance so much so that they hurt themselves and lost their very humanity, all to stay somewhere they shouldn’t be. It is their flaws that free them, but it is also the people around them who saved them. It’s Baku speaking up that Kaoru is “pretty much already dead”, it is the summon for Hal to wake up because “if it’s you, it will be alright.”. They woke up knowing people cared for them and sincerely wished for their recoveries. They were accepted fully for who they are, sinful bloodline and flaws and all, and with their curse lifted they can now return that care, too.

→ You are never truly alone, things can always get better, you CAN break free from your family’s Labyrinth. If it is forcing you to harm yourself and is keeping you isolated, then it is not the place that you belong.

[vol 14 ch147 Duwang translation + vol49 ch538 Duwang translation]

V. Conclusion

We see this loose pattern ripple in other characters. Kaji and Marco are grappling with what they’ve inherited from their parents too (namely, abuse) and it is through Baku’s support and help that they could set their minds free from this influence. As symbolic of the turning point where they can truly start to heal is their stay in a hospital (Marco post-Labyrinth gamble, Kaji on bed rest during Protoporos). To truly break free comes with being hurt deeply before becoming anew. It will be different but it will be okay.

The motif of dysfunctional or fragmented families generally runs rampant, most characters with known backstories have some sort of family troubles from our main characters to one-off antagonists (Marco and Kaji as mentioned but also Kyara, Satoru Suteguma, the Yakou twins, Voja, Jonglyo, Mitaka, and so on). Usogui (manga) features a lot of parents who suck absolute ass, yes, but it also more generally touches on the way parents shape their children even in healthier families- think Ranko taking over her dad’s mafia, the sons who’ve never faced consequences because their fathers are powerful, etc.

In light of this, the fact that our protagonist is someone who is seemingly completely devoid of family starts to stand out. We do not get to know anything about Baku’s parents, his childhood, how he was raised, etc, anything from before he was already a well-established gambler within Kakerou. This is very significant in a main protagonist, who we’d usually know a lot more about. It separates him from the weight of inheritance, only he is free of those bonds that tie someone to their family (or lack of it)- for better or for worse.

This feeds into the repeated use in the story of Surpassing the Leader as a way to lose your “bonds”. It’s stated Baku lost that 1st STL bet to get rid of this past that tied him to Hal, when Souichi loses Drop the Handkerchief he escapes his bloodline, and it’s the thing that’s pinned on Yukkii and frees him of his Labyrinth. This is the big “reset” button featured in the story but its point is not to go on with life devoid of relationships and ties to other people. No, Baku does rebuild his bond with Hal, Souichi comes back to Kakerou a healthier man, and the last scene Kaoru sees before falling unconscious is himself as a child holding both his parents’ hands. Loss is always painful but it often cannot be avoided (may it be to break free of an abusive family or a toxic job, or because a loved one dies, etc) and bonds are what shape us. The two ideas coexist. You cannot go on without any attachment to anyone. This is seen in the “planting seeds” imagery of chapter 320, all lives are interwoven and ripple against each other to grow and become something else.

Bonds are also the strength and support you gain from other people, it is how Kyara wins against Jonglyo, and it is Souichi’s parting words in Handkerchief: “It is you who made us stronger.” (chapter 530). Who can ever hope to leave the Labyrinth without Ariadne’s gift of yarn to guide them out? It is the two Bees’ friendship that’s at the core of the picture book, and it is also those relationships between people (good or bad), and love, that’s at the core of Usogui, too. To be loved and to love someone is to be changed.

[Vol 35, ch384, Duwang translation]

#usogui meta #souichi kiruma #yukiide kaoru #usogui #original title was cogs in a machine but the labyrinth symbolism kind of took over which was for the best

24 notes · View notes

connectionterminated13 · 4 months

Text

This story takes place in my AU death swap, Basically a lot of the deaths are swapped Charlie is alive Sammy is dead, Michael gets his self grabbed by circus baby and Elizabeth does Michael's role in sister location and gets herself scooped. Now Evan who survived the bite and became a murder guy just like his dear old dad. This is right after the events of Elizabeth waking up and being found by Charlie Evans coming in to give the more information on what happened. Or so they think Evans about to lie through his teeth for like 3 minutes straight

Sorry if there's a couple mistakes I really pushed this out to make the day! but it was really fun having to write things quicker :3

TW: Mentions of blood, death, mental illness, Murder.

Anyway my submission for the last day of the bash @and-stir-the-stars I hope you like it!

Evan stood outside of the building. It was in a bit of a dirty part of town but was still nice enough.. honestly it was better than he was expecting. His boots didn't even get that dirty as he walked over to the collection of buzzers on the outside of the apartment looking for Elizabeth's apartment number.

Evan pressed the correct button and cleared his voice.

“Hello”

Susie's voice hasn't changed a bit in the almost 7 years since he spoke to her. Evan expected being in a band would make her voice louder, bigger but no it was still that delicate pageant girl voice that had been trained into her.

“Hey it's me Evan! Here to see Charlie and my sister!” Evan couldn't help but smile to himself despite the bite ruining his face and head, he still had inherited his father's buttery British accent.

“I thought I told you to go shove a stick up your ass…” and The nice Christian slightly overweight, pageant girl was gone and the Punk girl who thought she was interesting was back.

Evan was hoping the charisma that he had been practicing almost his whole life would get her to be a little bit less obnoxious..

Evan replied with a good natured laugh hiding his annoyance. “Funny but Susie this is serious if you could just open the door for me I love that!”

He heard a bit of chatter too far for the small speaker to pick up. Charlie had intervened, thank God he liked Charlie.

“Sorry about her Evan! She's just a little bit on edge. I'll let you in!” Evan smiled. Charlie was nice. Charlie always came to the hospital to read him books when he could not read himself. She had always been kinder to him than anyone else other than maybe Elizabeth. The only problem with Charlie had been how she liked Michael. He hated how they were friends and then he hated when they were together. One of the many things that had gotten better once Michael had died.

He heard the door open. There was Charlie, a tired smile on her face, Her dark brown hair Wild.. She was wearing some band t-shirt he didn't recognize And comfortable loose sweatpants. She looked like she hadn't slept in days.

“Charlie!” Evan smiled hugging her tight as he felt her arms wrap around him. Always forgot how tall she was.

“Evan I'm so sorry we didn't talk sooner just with school.. and the band… and work. It's been a lot.. I'm so glad you're okay man..” Charlie let out a sigh letting go of him. Evan understood..

His less important job at Freddy's and his more important job of gathering remnant took up most of his time.

“Same here Charlie…” And Evan was telling the truth it wasn't part of the plan to have Charlie go down to Circus baby's entertainment and rentals. He had any say in it his sister wouldn't have either. But it was all part of his father's plan so Evan had no choice

Evan and Charlie talked a little bit as they walked through the door and got into the elevator in the apartment. Apparently school was going well and she had gotten a job working for a computer company doing programming. The band was also going to perform at a big venue next month or it was..

But Evan wasn't really listening to the chatter though. He was thinking about Elizabeth. From what he had heard over the phone she was dead.

Charlie had told him the whole story through heavy gasps and obvious tears. How they had gotten the call from William telling them that Michael was down in Circus baby's entertainment and rentals and they needed to put him back together. How Elizabeth got a job as a night technician and Charlie got a job as a day technician. How Elizabeth had fought through the first four nights with the help of a mysterious voice revealed to be the main star herself, Circus baby.

How on the 5th night circus baby and all the other animatronics had tore themselves apart and melted together into a new monster that called itself Ennard. How they head killed the other technicians and nearly killed Charlie but stopped. Evan had heard Charlie's voice break when she mentioned the monster had Michael's voice.

And then the monster, the horrible wire thing lured Elizabeth into the scooping room and ripped her to shreds. It had stolen his sister's skin.

He felt a bit vindicated, he was right all those years of Michael playing like he was some kind of saint. Refusing to kill, refusing to get blood on his hands even though he wasn't Michael with free will, she was Baby the killing machine..

He was getting spiteful, Charlie noticed.

“Gosh Evan, I didn't know you hated Computer programming so much.” Charlie looked over nervous as the elevator door opened. Evan had let his mask slip that was bad..

“No I was just thinking of everything that happened, I'm So Sorry Charlie..” It was a good enough excuse and he was sorry. Evan knew he and Elizabeth were estranged and she hated him, but he hated the idea of something that horrible happening to her.

But he also had to admit he loved the vision of it. Blood and visceral everywhere organs spilling on the ground and Michael once again covered in blood. Evan thought of the years that he had spent checking the camera footage of Baby's room, to see the cowardly thing crying to herself or pleading for someone to acknowledge she was Michael. How she had refused to do the one thing she was built for.. and she still ended up covered in blood! since that was all Michael was good for getting his siblings blood everywhere

The two of them stopped at number 5. Even if Charlie hadn't guided him Evan would know this was Elizabeth's home. A pride flag sticker was on the door.

“Yeah.. Liz and Susie aren't exactly secretive about….” Charlie let out a small chuckle as she opened the door. Evan couldn't help it. He did too, her laughter even so small, sad and tired was infectious.

“What are you laughing at…” And there was Susie. Jesus Christ. Time had sculpted the Pink dress, wearing golden curls, Bible reciting, Susie he had known into a black clad, imposing woman. Evan could still see the traces of the shy, homeschooled, girl he remembered. But None of the kindness she had held for him as a child still lurked in her eyes.

“Nice to meet you again!” Evan put on his most charming smile, Reaching out his Hand to be shook.

Susie just stared down at his hand, Her bright blue eyes looking at him with such hatred he almost feared that she knew how many lives his hands had taken. They stood there for a minute before Charlie broke the silence.

“Um.. Let's just go inside.. I can make everybody some coffee!” Charlie said nervously. Susie nodded sharply, moving out of the way so both Charlie and Evan could get into the apartment.

Evan stepped inside and he had to admit, the apartment was nice. There was a cozy old couch and armchair with a nice, if slightly rickety table to sit and have meals at. There were a couple shelves filled with records, a drum kit and two electric guitars.

“Not fancy enough for you?” He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Susie's voice.

“No, it's a nice place..” It wasn't the sort of place Evan wanted to live, but it seemed to fit Elizabeth, Susie and Charlie well enough.

It was definitely nicer than his room back at his father's house. He hadn't changed it since he was carted off to the hospital on that fateful birthday in 1983. His father didn't let him change it.

“Yeah sure…” Susie sat down on the couch. Evan sat down on the chair beginning to hear the noises of Charlie making coffee in what seemed to be a small kitchen.

“Did you know your dad was sending my girlfriend, your sister, his f****** daughter down to Hell?” Her voice was accusatory and angry. Evan did know. Evan knew that place was a death trap, That there was a chance his sister wouldn't come out of there. But what was he going to do about it? it's not like he could change anything, like he could stop it?

“No! And I swear to God my dad didn't either! He's already having a discussion with the owners of rentals” Evan tries to believe the lie himself, tries to believe that his father didn't mean for his only daughter to die.

He did not know his father's plan but he had a feeling that Elizabeth was supposed to die down there.

“Susie, can we please not get accusatory! I know you're scared, I am too but Evan's here to help us fix this” Charlie stumbled in with three coffee mugs. Evan gratefully took a big long sip.

“I get it! you think he can help but Elizabeth doesn't want to see him and Elizabeth is the one who's..” Susie stops herself from saying that part. Evan can only imagine what it must be like.. He doesn't know much about their relationship other than it's romantic. To have your partner become a monster before your eyes must be horrifying.

Susie and Charlie began to whisper.

It was almost sweet.. To love someone that much, to be loved that much. Avenue nothing of love. He was almost certain he couldn't feel it, just another sign that he was broken.. He wondered if his father didn't feel love. He wondered if it was the bite that made another part of his brain broken..

The whispering stopped and Susie, her face still a mask of anger yelled out. "Liz! Evans here!”

Evan put on his best Charming, biggest, I've missed you sister, smile. As he ran through the possibilities of what his sister actually would look like. He wasn't good at the supernatural science of it all, but he had a basic understanding of how these things worked and Elizabeth's condition was nothing he had ever heard of.

There was a possibility that dad had just never told him about anything like this but he didn't think so.

And then trudging out from the hallway which presumably led to Susie and Elizabeth's room came Elizabeth.

Elizabeth trudged out with an angry look on her face. The first thing ever noticed was that his sister was missing half of her face. The entire skin on the right side of her face was gone revealing the bone. Her skin was also pinkish purple… And she was covered in..

“Sticky notes?” Evan said in confusion. Now that was a big slip up his first words were supposed to be something inviting, not sticky notes… He couldn't help it! He was surprised! Evan didn't know exactly what he had been expecting but not this….

“Sorry I was busy writing you know all of this being sent to my death by my father, seeing the kind of ghost of My Dead Brother and becoming a zombie business gave me some killer ideas for music..” Elizabeth ruled her eye and Susie let out a small chuckle

Evan, cleared his throat

“It's been so long, Elizabeth! I know it's under bad circumstances but still it's wonderful to be back together!”

Evan hopes that his words were convincing enough. Despite not wanting anything to do with them, Elizabeth was still an Afton, so she was able to recognize manipulation but all those years away from father probably lessened the skill.

“Stop trying to be my brother.. Just get this over with so I can get back to songwriting and cuddling my girlfriend” Elizabeth looked away; she only had one eye now. And that one eye was filled with such hatred.

“Yeah and you better not tell any faz-themed lies you little company rat” Susie looked like at any minute if Evan said Susie deemed a lie, her fist would be planted in his shattered skull.

Charlie gave them both a stop fighting look before speaking

“You work with William, you know something about the rentals and what happened to Michael right?”

“Yes I do..” Now it was time for the lie.. Evan had been practicing this. His father had gone through the basic idea of what he was supposed to say but Evan had added on details..

“As you all probably remember, on the Opening day of Circus Baby's Pizza World there was a gas leak..” This he had gone through with his father there was never a gas leak.

Most of the “gas” was just circus baby overheating and letting out excess smoke because her body wasn't built to fit someone of Michael's size

All three of the women's faces fell dark. Evan could remember that day just like they did.. Smoke choking the air, children running in fear and Elizabeth stepping out of the party room covered in pizza sauce. It was really Michael's blood, but William had convinced everyone that the gas had tampered with Elizabeth's mind and she had just wandered into the kitchen and spilled tomato sauce. How poor little Elizabeth hadn't been able to understand what she had just seen and had begun to cry that circus baby ate Michael..

“But what you don't know is that the gas leak was caused by Michael…” Evan tried to look somber but he could barely hold in his grin. He had added this part. And the next one

Charlie began to fidget uncomfortably. She had been closer with Michael than anyone at that time; this was going to hurt her a lot..

“He went mad I think quite a while ago.. Was convinced he needed to combine himself with the machines. Made an excuse of getting ice cream for you Elizabeth, then rigged circus baby so she would instead of handing out ice cream pull ice cream in and in this case he was ice cream..” Oh this was fun to see, the look on Elizabeth and Charlie's faces. He cared for them both but the way they liked Michael after everything he did made Evan's blood boil..

“No no you're lying! he wouldn't- I knew him! he-we had a plan! he wouldn't-” Charlie got up beginning to pace.

Evan just sat there trying to look sad. “I'm afraid it's true.. My father didn't tell anyone, fearing that him and Henry would be under more scrutiny and I know it's wrong! He regrets it a lot! but he was scared and sad and thought that was the best decision..”

Evan spoke in a quiet voice trying to sound sad harder, since even though he was a good liar, seeing Charlie dislike Michael seeing her finally understand that he was a monster and a murderer made him feel good…

“So Michael went crazy and let out the gas leak and shoved himself in the robot? How does that explain him being a part of circus baby and appearing to Liz? Is he like haunting it or something?” Susie was the only one not having an emotional reaction to this; she hadn't known Michael. The only steak she had in this was her girlfriend's well-being.

“He was mentally unstable and scared and thought that was the only way he could be whole.. And yes I believe that in some form his consciousness lingers on and it influences Circus baby and the rest of the animatronics to be violent.. to do that..” Evan gestured to Elizabeth making Susie give him a death glare.

This was sort of true. Michael was Circus baby and was fully conscious. But he wasn't responsible for the others' murderous programming, dad just made the funtimes like that.

“That's why they were locked up down there. That's why they're punishment was so severe, Michaels sou-if you want to call it that made them go insane…” Elizabeth nodded along quietly.

“It makes sense, He didn't seem that sound of mind when I saw him..” Elizabeth ran an unconscious hand over the entry scar on her back where the scooper had hit and that monstrosity had torn into her.

“No, I know Michael! I knew him so well then!! We were close! If he was feeling like that he would have told me!? he would have said something, he would have like painted it or some s*** Michael doesn't-” Charlie looked around hoping for that hostility Susie and Elizabeth had to Evan earlier but his lie was good they knew he was right.

“Look Charlie I'm not saying we trust the corporate asshat over there..But it seems to line up with what Elizabeth said…” Even though Evan hated being called a corporate asshat, She was on the right track or the track he wanted her to be on.

“May I continue?” The word sounded Melancholy as if he couldn't bear to continue telling the tale.

Charlie nodded, looking like she was about to explode. Evan went ahead quickly before Charlie could say anything else

“But trapping a bloodthirsty animal in a cage makes it more vicious so All of the animatronics influenced by Michael's anger and Madness at time of death combined and used Elizabeth to escape..”

“Then I got moldy and they injected” Elizabeth added on

“Exactly and here's where it all comes in.. You brought me here to find out more information and now you've got it! but we still have a murderous pile of wires on the loose, who's willing to do worse than what happened to Elizabeth in a heartbeat…And it still thinks like Michael in some weird twisted way so.. ” Charlie stopped pacing and stared in object horror at what next was going to come out of Evan's mouth. Evan couldn't help but smile here he had been waiting for this part, he'd been waiting to even do this since he woke up in that stupid hospital bed in 1983

“We need to kill it, And Charlie I need your help to get it done…”

#fnaf death swap #crying child weekend bash #evan afton #fnaf au #tw blood #I really hope you like this...

12 notes · View notes

just-another-author-i-guess · 1 year

Note

Judd's childhood headcanons?

You betcha 🤭

Tags: idk like mentions of violence and such, Judd being a pyromaniac from a very young age, dead bugs?

Author's note: if we don’t get a baby judd episode in the new season I will riot (,:

Judd childhood hc's

Word count: 1,2K

Both of his parents were absolutely over the moon when he was born

Imagine being an only child in the Birch household, like ngl that sounds pretty sweet

He had their attention aaalll to himself, and he thoroughly enjoyed it

He was quite an active child too, not like hyper but always doing something he was definitely not supposed to do, so he needed either one of his parents to watch him constantly anyways

I feel like he was a pretty “normal” child until Leah was born, sure he was a bit harder to watch than average 2-year-olds but it wasn’t to like a concerning degree or anything

That was until Leah was born

Suddenly having to deal with a new sister, unleashed little monster-gremlin Judd

Not even like five minutes after she was born, when he got to see her in the hospital, did he call her ugly and bald

He probably had an identity crisis when his dad told him he looked like that too

Anyways, Elliot was really empathic towards him, even though he was definitely becoming a bit of a spoiled brat

Like, he sat him down and was like “I know it’s hard for you to get a new sister, but think about how much she’s going to look up to you, blah blah..”

Judd did not listen

So for the next few years, his mission became causing as much trouble for everyone around him as possible and then finding a way to blame it on Leah

Obviously, no one believed that an infant thrashed the house and set fire to a bunch of ants in the backyard

(It was hard to believe toddler Judd even managed to do it lmfao)

That’s another thing, like he wouldn’t hurt big animals, like cats, dogs, raccoons, ect cause he likes those

But he’s definitely responsible for the bug population in town drastically decreasing lol

He would be that type of little kid who burns ants, crushes snails and squeezes bugs to death

I was reading IT right, and patrick apparently has a whole pencil case filled with dead flies AND WHY IS THAT SO JUDD

I could see him bringing that into kindergarten, and when it’s art time he pulls it out and shows the teacher’s kinda proudly and they’re all like 😧✋

This was how he ended in therapy, too

Diane getting a call like “Yeah, uh, your son has a pencil case full of dead bugs and he’s scaring everyone pls come pick him up”

She wasn’t even mad, bc if you’ve seen my other headcannons, yk it would just be even more confirmation that Judd definitely inherited a lot of things from her

He was definitely a very stab-happy kid too

I’m talking deliberately sharpening his pencils to a point and using them as weapons

I can see him having a slingshot too, he would sit somewhere his dad couldn’t see and just shoot rocks at him

Poor Elliot, Judd’s abuse and gremlin behaviours definitely affected him the most

Diane could actually get angry so Judd didn’t dare mess too much with her, and Leah was just a baby so her reactions were usually pretty boring

She didn’t even care when Judd showed her the dead flies smh 🫤

So Elliot was the only good target

Judd was very, very annoyed though, at how he never really got angry, like he’d always just praise Judd for his creativity

If he’s too mean to his dad, Diane will also get mad at him lol

So it’s about finding a balance yk

But back to the therapy thing

I don’t really think Judd got diagnosed with anything, besides being a creepy ass kid

If being creepy is a mental illness, count me in too idc

But like, there’s nothing inherently wrong with him, he just really enjoys causing trouble

So the only thing the therapist recommended was stricter parenting

As both him and Leah got older, his plans of getting rid of her became more thought out as well

There’s that one scene where Nick is a newborn and Judd tries to set fire to Leah’s hair

That is definitely a recurring thing, like he realised if he truly wanted to get rid of Leah he’d have to try something,,, more effective than leaving her random places and trying to get his parents to hate her

So setting her hair on fire seemed like a good idea

I don’t think he grasped the idea that she could actually die, but like if her hair burned off she would be ugly and their parents wouldn’t like her anymore yk? Something like that

Where did a six year old get lighters?? I would like to fucking know

This was also around the time he started to realise, that maybe murder and thrashing the house all the time was not a good idea

Diane probably had a talking to him, and was like “Now you’ve got a new brother, you can’t be trying to set his crib on fire or anything, you’re too old for that now”

That made him switch out his lighter for scissors and that was when is Chucky arc properly started

He cut a b i g chunk of Leah’s hair off while she slept, he cut up a lot of his dad’s clothes and tried to stab multiple of his teachers

Like, one of his teachers would go on to have Leah and Nick later, and would always tell them the story of how much of a menace Judd was and show them their scissor scars

Judd was definitely very spoiled too, he used to act kinda like Nick when he was younger

Little man’s thought he was king of the kindergarten fr

Probably carried over into his first years at school too, like 1st to 5th grade Judd was not much different

Omg,, he was a biter too

Like I can see Diane getting mad at him and hoisting him up by his shirt or something, to carry him to his room, but he would just try to bite her the whole time

The same with his teachers, you touch him, you get bitten

I can see him getting into a lot of fights with other boys at school too, either for making fun of him or his dad

Elliot came to pick him up one day and was like singing a little goofy song or whatever, and the other kids wouldn’t stop making fun of him

(Aw, that’s so cute, little Judd secretly defending his dad’s honour at school)

Bc he definitely wouldn’t tell his parents the real reason he got into a fight

Also, if anyone was bullying Leah in the schoolyard, Judd would straight up just spawn

His spidey senses was tingling fr

But he wouldn’t (And still won’t) hesitate to knock anyone who’s mean to his sister the fuck out

I feel like he’d also secretly slip something delicious he got in his lunchbox into Leah’s

Like, if she had a bad day at school and Judd so happened to have a candy bar (probably stolen lets be honest) He would make it suddenly appear in Leah’s lunch box and act all oblivious about it

That’s another thing, Judd was straight up just born w/o a moral compass

Even as a kid, he didn’t really see stealing, violence, ect as wrong

Well it all depends who he’s stealing from or beating up or whatever

But yk, Diane was (and is probably still) like that lol

Tags: @dlfvrr , @bxbyyyjocelyn

(Lemme know if you want to be tagged!)

#judd birch #big mouth #judd birch x reader #headcannons #big mouth x reader

137 notes · View notes

shallowseeker · 8 months

Note

you don't think it's sam that's the john substitute? he's more like john

I think Sam is juuuust enough like her not to trigger the categorization of co-protector. I love Sam, but he's also got that immature-ish Sammy something that ticks just enough "my kid" boxes, you know?

It probably also has to do Mary and Dean's personalities being alike, too. Sam's got one foot in the "Dean's kid," circle, and she identifies more with Dean. And so, Sam may be Mary's kid, but she's also inheriting the dynamic of Sam as Dean's kid, by proxy.

(But Cas? From the get-go, Mary's doling out those incredibly high protector expectations, and it brings out this side of her that's both demanding and abrupt. It's fascinating.)

///

Anyway, in season 12-13, Sam is tragically aware that he and Mary don't have the kind of rapport he craves. (Meanwhile, Dean and she are playing Words with Friends.) In The Big Empty, Sam seems aware of this, and he's actually pretty bitter about his inability to connect:

SAM: Yeah, but at least you had a relationship with Mom. I mean, who would she always call? Who did she look to for everything? You had something with her I never had! And now I’m just supposed to accept that I never will have it?

It won't be until after AU Earth that Mary starts to bond with Sam as an individual. She sees Sam as more of an adult after he starts leading the AU hunters and co-parenting Jack.

///

In Nightmare Logic, she opens up to him about Bobby. She has rightly deduced that Sam is not as sensitive as Dean is about John, so Sam is the one she can talk to about it:

MARY: Bobby's not open like your dad. SAM: Wait. Like my dad? MARY: Okay. At least he's not like your dad was when I knew him. SAM: Right. MARY: Bobby's got walls, big ones. I just don't know if I can do that if I even ever put myself out there again. (chuckles) I shouldn't be talking to you about this.

///

In Absence, we see a flashback of her being relieved that Sam has more in common with her now: "the parental guilt complex." It seems like the more Sam screws up, the more comfortable Mary gets with him.

This is because Sam's base instinct is to keep his emotions and mistakes abstract, analytical, and vague. It's hard to bond with him until you've gotten to know him well enough for him to share his actual mistakes with you.

In this flashback, Sam admits to not being there for Jack. It's funny, because it's the beginning of a pattern, because as was pointed out to me yesterday, Sam definitely wasn't there for Jack when Jack was soulless. (In fact, Sam ran everyone ragged on little-to-no-sleep. He had another Sammy breakdown, an echo of his season 8 nervous breakdown.)

What Sam is learning is that it's actually really hard to be there for others when you're going through stuff of your own. (Dean and Cas know this; and they try to drag themselves off "the bench" and be there, even when they're in shambles. Sam? Not as much.)

I suspect that this is another way Sam's going to rationalize John's neglectful parenting. Sam wasn't there for Jack because he was mission-focused on finding Dean, just like John was laser-focused on finding Azazel. (Luckily for Sam, Jack is raised by a village, with multiple parents.)

Of course, when she had things to deal with, Mary left, too. And it's okay for Sam to forgive her for that. I'm not saying that it's wrong for people to leave in order to deal with their shit.

It's just...hmmm. Difficult. Sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's worse than bad, and sometimes it's irreparable. Life is hard. You often let people down, even when you're trying your best. Sometimes, like with John, your own mental illness serves up your very worst.

Anyway, it's especially hard on the ones you love, because when you open up to them, you're showing them all the worst parts of yourself and your own weaknesses.

SAM: How's his training coming along? Mary: He's got heart. He'll get there. SAM: I feel bad. I've been so busy looking for Dean-- MARY: Sam, everyone here understands what you've been doing and what you've been putting yourself through. SAM: Yeah, I know, but Jack's been through a lot -- you know, losing his powers. And I haven't really been there for him. Sorry, Mom. I don't mean to lay all this on you. MARY: No. Are you kidding? It's nice knowing I'm not the only one with parental guilt. How much did the two of you go through when I wasn't there for you? And even when Amara brought me back and I got a second chance, things got complicated. I got complicated. I'm just saying parenting is always a struggle. You always feel like you're failing, but then you look at them, and somehow, they're amazing. And somehow, (Mary holds Sam’s face as she speaks to him) they're literally the bravest, kindest, most heroic men on the planet.

///

In the same episode, we see more scenes of her, and we get a sense of her dynamic with each through these vignettes:

Mary sleeping on Dean's shoulder: This shows us that she relaxes around Dean and lets her walls completely down. She gets emotional support from Dean.

This one with Sam (above): she's opening up to him a little bit but when you step back, we see that she's still parenting him, even as she's busy sharing his load and parenting-training Jack. She's reassuring Sam and propping up his bruised confidence. She gives emotional support to Sam.

And finally, Cas: Cas is the one she actually calls for help on a hunt but admits to being a little afraid of (CAS: "Are you still afraid of me?") Interestingly, she covers up her fear by posturing a little around Cas, "It's just a scratch," and "it wasn't that close." It's cute. Still, she gets physical support from Cas. Here, we see she calls him for help, not her boys. In season 12, it was Cas to whom she first revealed her doubts during her bouts of insomnia.

///

10 notes · View notes

jadeleechsupportgroup · 6 months

Text

personal happenings and thoughts below the jump. cw talk of medical stuff, death, cancer, mental illness, bipolar, idk, a shit ton.

my dad is dying. he got diagnosed with metastatic liver cancer in may, a week after he turned 70. he got immunotherapy treatments all summer. it shrunk the tumor but also destroyed the rest of his body because he was already just so sick in general. about 3 (4?) weeks ago, they found blood clots in his lungs and an especially large one in his leg. they suggested discontinuing treatment and moving him into hospice care.

i inherited my food allergies and bipolar disorder from him. and i'm trying to use that as a turning point in my own life - doing my best to avoid those foods (gluten non-negotiable, dairy just a bad idea), going to therapy (including IOP), staying on medication, etc. all the good shit.

but it has been so hard watching him die.

He tells my mom how no matter when he sleeps, he has nightmares. Whenever I go back home (out of state) to help, I see the manic and depressive episodes hit fast and hard. I feel like I'm witnessing the brain damage in action, and I feel like I'm watching whatever will happen to me if I make it to that age. I also never sleep like a normal person and have horrible dreams. without the meds I hear background noise in my brain, which I only learned more recently is a form of psychosis.

it's easy to look back and either be angry or sad about how i never got this kind of help as a kid or teen. I had symptoms in early grade school. but it was the 90s (1900s am I right haha) so I doubt there was anywhere my parents could have even taken me for treatment.

I'm trying to just...feel my feelings as they come. Practicing the things I learned in group because they mostly make it manageable. blogging here, i guess. learning not to ruminate too hard on this or the other things in my life which are shit, which idk if i'll ever have the strength to blog about, but maybe someday.

my dad and i have had a more difficult relationship since the you-know-what in 2016. living at home because i could afford nothing else, and coming to the realization that i was non-binary in addition to ace, suddenly became a hellscape with him spewing bigotry so openly. when it gets right down to it, i'm sure he wouldn't have thrown me out on the street. which i know is the bare minimum. it's complicated. but I also know he loves me. I can tell lately he's been thinking back on his life and the mistakes/choices he made. it doesn't make it okay but it's.......something.

I don't know. I spend my days waiting for the crushing sadness to punch me in the chest. It hasn't yet. But it's dark all the time now and it's cold as shit and the holidays are the worst part of the year for me because so many bad anniversaries are coming up. I'm in a place I've only lived for a couple years and I don't really have any friends outside of work (which is, of course, two jobs, because capitalism is a plague).

I know things will happen. Some good things, some bad things, some things with no emotional points awarded. knowing it's gonna hurt is not doing me any favors. but I have to get this out somehow so here it is.

and now for some pics that cheer me up.

my dad and I are both pilots, so this one is cute.

I won an iguana at the carnival as a kid. He lived an extremely spoiled life. And got very long.

and, of course, the wiggly pig (one of amelia's numerous names)

thanks for reading if you've made it this far, or even if you didn't.

5 notes · View notes

tempural · 2 years

Photo

Unconditional.

564 words. A short story about a father’s hatred, and a son’s eternal love.

“We were always real pals -- till a few years ago! Then he started to -- change! I know he’s been having tough sledding in business -- but why take it out on me?” - ASM #39

“I had to bring him up alone... and I tried my best..! I was a good father... I was! I did my best to be a real pal to my son! But, it wasn’t easy... Harry didn’t have anything to complain about! The more money I made, the more presents I bought him! I wanted everyone to see what a great father he had!” - ASM #40, juxtaposed against a montage of Norman neglecting Harry 😅

Norman had Harry at 27, when he was still poor. A bit late for his era of men, but at least he had a child. His wife died during childbirth. No doubt the child’s first act of murder influenced Norman’s feelings.

Harry grew up poor. He wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth. But he didn’t know he was poor at his young age, especially with Norman working up the business ladder and doing his best to hide his low class from everyone, including himself and Harry.

---

Single father Norman genuinely loved and took care of baby Harry. He became obsessed with making money so his child could survive, thrive, have a better life than he had. No expense was spared on Harry, especially because he was such a sickly and weak child. Harry was clingy, needy, not by choice, but because he literally would not be living without his dad doting on his every bloody cough and doctor’s exams.

Norman’s obsession with the act of making money took over his original goal of caring for Harry. Surely Harry would be ecstatic with a Rolls Royce for his 18th birthday, even if Norman was away on a trip to Europe that month. Any other kid would be happy. Norman would have loved having expensive gifts as a poor kid. Harry shouldn’t complain, worthless spoiled stupid child. He doesn’t deserve any of these gifts when Norman’s been spending so much money on his classes and Harry shows nothing but a C+ effort.

Harry grew out of the worst of his childhood illnesses, but remained thin and weak. Physically, he was gaunt and bony. He looked exactly like his father, if his father loss all his muscle mass and got his nose punched in. Emotionally, he was still clingy and needy. Perhaps not so much because he needed his father to administer his medications, but for all the love that his father lost for him as Harry got older. And mentally, he inherited all of his father’s schizophrenia, bipolar, BPD, depression, and the cycle of abuse from grandpapa Osborn.

Norman looks at Harry and sees a mirror image of himself, distorted to accentuate all his own worst features. Weak, feminine, awful crying child. He grew to loathe this child because he loathed himself. Norman managed to fight through his illnesses and abuse to become a made man. Why couldn’t Harry?

Now Norman is old and sickly. All the chemicals he worked with at Oscorp have gotten into his nervous system. His legs don’t work so good now. His schizophrenia and bipolar have gotten worse. He needs to visit a doctor often for transfusions and medication and so on.

He needs Harry to take care of him. Just as Norman once took care of young Harry.

It’s too bad he didn’t give Harry the love he needed when Harry was a angsty teenager. Now Harry has all the power over Oscorp and Norman Osborn. Harry can do anything he wants to his beloved father. He loves his father so much, even after everything. And his father can’t do anything as his son pushes him through the empty house. Norman can’t escape what he’s done to Harry. The cycle of abuse continues, father to son, son to father.

You better watch what Harry puts in your meds, Mr. Osborn. That boy ain’t right.

#harry osborn #norman osborn #draws #sketchbook #green goblin #oedipus complex #child abuse #illness #fic

144 notes · View notes

marvelmaniac715 · 1 year

Text

This is part 12 of my Chucky transfers his soul into a human at the end of Seed au. This fic doesn’t have Glenda in it, I noticed that I’ve been featuring Glenda in most of these fics and barely mentioned Glen. That wasn’t intentional, but I enjoy exploring the connection between Chucky and Glenda because they’re so similar, but Glen deserves more love, so they’re the only twin present in this fic. As with all of the fics in this au, until they’re fourteen Glen and Glenda will be referred to by he/him and she/her respectively, and in this fic Glen is a baby (around six months old but his age isn’t mentioned). This fic is more about Chucky’s childhood, but Glen is still important, I hope you enjoy it :).

————————————————————-

Something was up. It had to be. Tiffany has been acting suspicious all day, rarely speaking but giving Chucky a strange look whenever he asked what was going on. But now, she was approaching him, carrying a sleeping Glen. Carefully sitting down, she passed the sleeping baby to his father, trying not to wake him.

“How long has he been asleep?”

Tiffany sighed wearily.

“Two minutes. Glenda went down no problem, but you know how Glen is, he needs to be cuddled or else he won’t sleep.”

Chucky raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“So you decided to give me nap duty? That’s very generous of you, Tiff.”

Tiffany laughed quietly.

“You’re taking this better than I expected.”

“Trust me, if Glen wasn’t here I would have said a very different word. Two hints, it starts with ‘s’ and rhymes with ‘city’.”

There was a moment of silence as Chucky began to gently bounce Glen, because that sometimes helped him to sleep. It did the trick, and Glen sighed contentedly, nuzzling into his blanket as he drifted into a deeper sleep.

“It’s funny, I never imagined myself as a father, but now I can’t picture being anything else.”

Tiffany wrapped an arm around his shoulder, suddenly seeming curious.

“Hm, not even the Lakeshore Strangler?”

“That was ages ago, I don’t even remember how to do it properly.”

“What about Chucky the Killer Doll?”

Chucky glared at her.

“By the time the twins are five, I’ll have had enough of dolls to last a lifetime. I dread to think of the mountains of Barbies that’ll clutter the house. Is it possible to convince Glen and Glenda that dolls don’t exist?”

The couple shared a laugh, then looked down at their son. More silence. Finally, Tiffany asked a question she’d been waiting to ask all day.

“You never talk about your own parents… what were they like?”

It all made sense now. The strange looks, the tense way she’d acted all day, waiting until Glen was asleep then making Chucky hold him. She had him pinned down right where she wanted him, he’d usually make an excuse and run away, unable to have this type of conversation. But he couldn’t risk waking Glen up, babies need sleep. So he had to sit there and answer her questions, despite how much it pained him to do so.

“What is there to say about Peter and Elizabeth Ray? Mom stayed at home to look after me, dad had some sort of office job. Can’t remember what, he was gone most of the time. Why do you want to know?”

Tiffany sighed, exasperated.

“I talk about my parents all the time!-‘

“Maybe too much.”

‘-Shut up, let me finish what I’m saying. I talk about my mom and how she raised me and my sister on my own. You know about how I never knew my dad but that he made my mother distrustful of men for the rest of her life. I’ve been open and honest, why haven’t you? I just wanna know more about you, what were they like? What did you inherit from them? Do you have your mother’s eyes? Your father’s smile? Was there anything special you did together? Crucially, did your parents have any illnesses that the twins could’ve inherited? Such as mental illnesses?”

This was gonna be a difficult conversation.

“To start, no, my defective genes won’t mutate our children. And I think that the twins have an equal chance of inheriting insanity and bloodlust from the both of us. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I can’t remember what they looked like, not really. My mom had dark hair, I remember that. One of them must’ve had blue eyes, but I can’t recall which one. I was seven, there’s only so much information you retain aged seven.”

Tiffany rolled her eyes and groaned.

“You’re so boring! Is there really nothing? Nothing at all? I know it’s difficult but please try. Let’s talk about your father, what was he like?”

That was a sensitive subject.

“My old man was… nice. He was a fine, upstanding citizen, a strict follower of the law, a Catholic. I can remember the many hours I spent in Sunday School learning about how everything I grew up to do would send me to Hell. He read to me every night. Not just the kid stuff, sure, he read Peter Pan, but he read me more adult literature as well. Moby Dick, Great Expectations, Grimm’s Fairytales, the really dark ones where kids die. Titus and Andronicus, that one Shakespearean tragedy where a lady eats her own son in a pie. Honestly, he was just setting me up for the serial killer lifestyle.”

“Were the two of you close?”

That took some thinking. But after a moment, Chucky had a response.

“He loved me. All parents should love their kids, but there was never a moment that I doubted my father’s love for me. In his last moments he tried to save me. If I’d taken his advice my life could’ve been totally different. I regret that I didn’t try to save him, there must’ve been something I could’ve done.”

Tiffany grinned.

“Finally we’re getting somewhere! Now, how about your mother? Can you tell me about her?”

If Chucky’s father was a sensitive subject, his mother was a minefield waiting to blow up. He tried not to think about his mother, it made him feel emotions that he hated feeling. Guilt, remorse, self-pity. But that chapter of his life had come to a close, he was a father now. It was time to get over his trauma.

“Mom was so kind. She baked cookies when I came home from school, she took me to the movies and played pretend with me when we got home. If J wanted to be Peter Pan, she would be a pirate or an Indian. If I was a knight, she was a dragon, or a damsel in distress. She didn’t deserve her fate, she didn’t deserve to have me for a son.”

Tiffany’s curious look grew tender.

“Do you regret killing her?”

Chucky swallowed a lump in his throat. No, he wasn’t a kid, he wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t. He wasn’t- he was crying. But he couldn’t help it.

“It was a split second decision, I was panicking and the pocketknife was right there in my hand. She was suffocating me, I couldn’t breathe, stabbing her was the only thing I could think of. I didn’t know it would be fatal. How could I? I was a child. A stupid, barbaric, ignorant child. I had no self-control, I was violent, I was spoiled, I was a little brat and I took out my rage on innocent people. She didn’t deserve to die. It worked out in the long run, but I regret it every day, especially now that we’re parents.”

There was silence, slightly interrupted by Chucky’s quiet sobs. He hadn’t cried in years. Not since he was a child and he’d realised that he’d killed his mother. Briefly before he’d been found, he shed a few tears, barely allowing himself to mourn before he’d been forced to pretend that murder was all part of his plan. In a way, the tears were healing, so he let them fall. Tiffany patted him on the back sympathetically.

“Is that why Glenda’s middle name is Elizabeth and Glen’s middle name is Peter?”

Chucky smiled slightly and looked back down at his son, stroking his soft little cheek with the tip of his finger.

“Yes. I wanted them to live on somehow, and I want to give the twins the life I never got to have growing up. From what I remember of them, I think they would’ve liked it.”

There was more silence, but it was a nice kind of silence, calm and content. Then Glenda cried in the distance and Tiffany sighed.

“I almost forgot. Glenda can’t sleep for more than half an hour without her brother. I swear, they’re inseparable. Should I take him?”

Chucky shook his head and stood up.

“No, I’ll carry him, you get Glenda to sleep and I’ll try and put the little guy down without him waking up.”

Satisfied that they’d made some major breakthroughs, Chucky and Tiffany went into the nursery, mentally preparing themselves to deal with two grouchy, overtired babies.

#chucky #childs play #chucky series #seed of chucky #child chucky #elizabeth ray #peter ray #charles lee ray #tiffany valentine #glen ray #glenda ray #human au #chiffany #horror #fanfiction

11 notes · View notes

tonya-the-chicken · 1 year

Note

When I see posts here about how Dabi/Touya will be accepted back into the family, and be a good big brother to Shouto and share noodles with him. And they will all help him heal because now they are all finally free from Endeavor and “his power over all of them”😳

After he tried to kill Shouto and his friends many times and sent a crazy psycho after Natsuo? How would they not be terrified of him? Has he ever even given Shoto or anyone else a reason to think he can be redeemed? Or even just simply stop trying to murder people? Because deep down he’s just a crying baby waiting for his father, right???

It’s like if Endeavor would still be beating up Shouto and abusing his wife and Shouto would suddenly be willing to give him a chance. No change in behavior or effort to become better and make amends necessary. Just tell him your sad childhood backstory, explain you were suffering too and needed saving. Wtf

Lol right? No matter what you say Enji is a respectable man in many regards while Touya has 0 redeeming qualities. Maybe his perseverance is worthy of praise but he inherited it from his dad and in a similar manner it was his downfall

Horikoshi made a mistake writing Enji because now any feel-good ending with villains would feel a bit shallow. They did none of what he did. They need "saving" since they are bad people and in pain but then Enji was a bad person and had to do it all himself. It is not even suggested he got to be saved from himself. But I feel like it's more of a form problem. If you classify characters into heroes and villains then unavoidably you will treat every single thing they do differently. Standards are higher for heroes and that parallels real life pretty well actually

Then, it's not an accident Horikoshi showed all other villains aside and focused on young adult/teen LoV. They are traumatized, groomed, forced, and mentally ill and it's easy to feel sorry for them. That is the best thing they do - cause sympathy which I kinda despise. Endless "feel bad for me". I kind of do feel bad for Spinner and Shigaraki because the former is a dummy who doesn't even understand this is not a place to play video games with friends and the latter was literally groomed all his life. But then my sympathy doesn't extend to the length some fans go. LoV are shitty people without any class or ideas

Like, I do not care for villains to have a sad childhood (it can be a cool bonus though). I want them to kill people and be sexy while doing so and half of LoV look like they haven't washed in a month. I want them to have insane bizarre worldviews or act machiavellian. I enjoy cruelty but not the absence of logic which is why I find AFO, Shie Hassaikai, and MLF more interesting than the LoV

#asks #bnha #dabee bashing

2 notes · View notes

aleksa-sims · 2 years

Photo

My RL gameplay (18+)

CW addiction, death & mental health issues, illness

I was having a little chat with Rafael about all this creepy shit. I felt so sorry for him! He looked totally exhausted. He was afraid he’d be put in a loony bin, so he didn’t want to seek professional help. But I think I could convince him. Somehow this all, started to haunt me, too! 😟 😨

Today, I very rarely have contact with my Mom’s family. I just couldn’t handle all this! R. & his parents just got into this whole thing too much and whenever I saw them, I felt really bad afterwards. But....Rafael told me something that night that totally shocked me! I was terrified of dying, and when I was diagnosed with leukemia, I stopped visiting my Mom’s family. I was just scared to death! 😰

Rafael is seriously ill today, too! He has a heart disease. Also this addiction disorder I had and also Rafael as it seemed. I don’t know? Is such a thing inheritable? Because as I learned, my uncle, the guy Rafael & I dream about, died of an overdose. From that point on, I began to understand why my Mom was so afraid that I would die of an overdose. It’s because of her deceased brother. ...I talked to R.! I advised him to talk to a psychologist. 🤷‍♀️

Me: Believe me, you’ll feel better if you accept help! No one will put you in a loony bin for that! I also talk to my doc about my nightmares and no one imprisons me because of that! Although I even have a drug problem. So, If! They’d put me in a loony bin first, before you got in there.😉

Raphael: Can I talk to the same doctor as you?

Me. Sure! But he’s more specialized in my addiction, but I don’t think this will hurt you either! And it’s a good start, boo! But.... seriously! Doesn’t he scare you? I mean, do you see him, when he’s talking to you? 😟

Raphael: No, I don’t see him really. Just in my dreams. But I hear him, when I’m awake. I don’t want to scare you, sis, but... he told me something about you. 😞

Me: Ugh! Idk if I want to know? 😰 He keeps trying to tell me something, but I don’t understand him. He is totally creepy in my dreams and I didn’t like him watching Nico & me sleep. At the time, I didn’t know who he was! I even thought at the very beginning, he wasn’t human. He was just a dark shadow sitting on the edge of my bed. But the last times I dreamed about him, I could tell, that he was a man and that he was human. And he constantly showed me pills! I think or thought, this is because of my addiction. That’s why I was so scared & told my Dad everything. 😔

Raphael: He wants to tell you that you will die, A.! He told me that first I will die & then you! I asked him when and why! He says we’re sick.

Me: WHAT? 😱 You’re really scaring me!!!! You know that? 😰

Raphael: I’m sorry, A.! But I have to tell you! He wants this! He wants you to do something about it!

Me: But WTH should I do R.? 😨 🤷‍♀️ What does he mean? It’s about all this drug shit?

Raphael: Idk exactly? 🤦‍♂️ 😞 He just says you’re sick! He keeps saying, she’s sick, she’s sick, she’s sick... I think you should stop taking drugs & pills, A.! It can only be this! What else? 😞

Me: Yeah! 🤔 😔 But what about you?

Raphael: Idk? I can’t hear him clearly!!! 😩 But he told me, I was going to get sick, but you’re already sick!... Still, I’m gonna die first. 😟

Me: NO! I don’t belive this! 😧 He’s just trying to scare us because our parents wanted to forget him. And who knows? Maybe we are both just very sensitive and this is all just our vivid imagination! My Dad says this is all just bullshit and that such things do not exist! And he’s right, I think.... I mean, this is just insane! Who gets information about when and if he will die? Nobody! I’ve never heard of anyone getting such information from ghosts, it’s just impossible.😣

Raphael: Let’s see, if he’ll stop, now that I told you?....Hey, is this guy who came with you ok? I mean, is he gonna laugh at me or something?😳

Me: No! Philip is nice. Don’t worry! 🙂

Raphael: You have a smoke for me?

Me: Hehe. 😄 ....No, I’m sorry! Philip & I don’t smoke. I mean, we smoke sometimes, but not..... today. 🤷‍♀️

Raphael: Well, bad luck for me, I’d say. 😕 🤷‍♂️

When we went over to Philip, I asked him to be nice!! I didn’t want him to start arguing with me, in front of R., who’s totally depressed anyway.

Raphael: You two want to stay here? I wouldn’t mind some company.

Me: We don’t have any clothes and I’m totally done R.! But I promise I’ll be back, then I’ll stay here for a few days. 🙂

Philip: This wouldn’t be a bad idea! As soon as you get your pills back, I’ll come with you here! You know why!!

Raphael: I know what’s going on with A! I guess she needs a few days to get away from all the shit going on at home. Believe me, you won’t find any drugs here. This place is just totally..... barren! 🤨

Philip: But this is where we picked up drugs for A., her great friend D., is here.

Raphael: D.?... Oh, you mean that guy A. & Sonja had a crush on. 😉 Didn’t know he was into this shit! I didn’t even know he was here! I just heard about this tragedy with his family. Our dead uncle didn’t inform me about this, maybeee... it would have made more sense, than the shit he’s usally trying to tell me. 🤨

Philip: Huh? 🤷‍♂️

Me: Maybe he told you? But you didn’t understand him? 😉 😄 And I’ll explain later to you, P., about D.! I just don’t want to talk about such things now. I’ve had enough of death for today!

Raphael: Are you ok, A.? Shit, she’s going to fall!

Philip: Yeah! 🤨 But believe me! She doesn’t feel anything anyway! So, don’t worry! Just....don’t look at her! 🤷‍♂️

Raphael: Umm... Maybe I should get her a pillow?

Me: I can hear you Rafi!! I’m fine!.....🤦‍♀️

After that, Philip and I drove back even though my grandma wanted us to stay. But I’ll be back with Philip in a few days. I had to get “clean” again and I will stay clean, as long as P. was with me. When he went abroad, everything started all over again.😔 🤦‍♀️ And it will only end, when P. comes back! I think if Philip hadn’t found me on that particular day he came home, I wouldn’t be here now. I was in a bad place and could not move away from there without help. My Mom was looking for me everywher!! 😭 😞 My Dad & Ana were on vacation abroad with my Grandparents in Greece. P. helped my Mom.😔 And since then I have finally stopped!

Previous / Next

Start

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #my rl with my simself #simself #myrlgameplay #18+ content #cw addiction #cw drugs #cw mental illness #cw death #cw illness

38 notes · View notes

mello-jello · 3 years

Note

Levihan domestic au! - Hange was ill and cutie little Udo being so protective over his mom. Levi watched every his son overprotective behavior and smiled. In the end Levi said to Udo, something like, 'I understand why you're like this'.

The man and little boy just love Hange so much

Thank you anon, domestic Levihan is my favourite <3

I immediately thought of this and ran with it.

Udo was 4 and had never seen his mother like this. His Mama was always excited to play with him, but when he asked to play trains today, she barely smiled when she said, “No thank you, baby. I just don’t feel very good”.

It started with a cough. Over the next few days though, Hange developed a fever and nausea. All she wanted to do was sleep, but the chills and constant trips to the bathroom prevented that. It wasn’t a serious illness, but that didn’t make it any less unpleasant.

One time Hange came out to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She was sluggish, pale, puffy eyed, and just all around drained. She made eye contact with Udo, who was supposed to be watching cartoons, but he was staring at her with a terrified look. Hange gave him a small wave with the tiniest hint of a smile to assure him she was alright, but it didn’t help much.

Udo was very worried. This was like seeing a whole new person. Where was his Mama? The one who made everything exciting? The one who played with him and read him bedtime stories? Now he had to entertain himself. He often walked by his parent’s bedroom, hoping to catch a glimpse of what was going on.

He could hear Hange retching through the door.

“Levi, please talk to your son,” she says from the toilet bowl. “He thinks I’m dying.”

“Well, you do look like death,” Levi replied, gently rubbing her back and holding her hair out of the way.

She glares at him, but before she can respond, she vomits again. She flushed the toilet and Levi helped her to her feet. “Or, maybe he isn’t yours. He’s too nice to have taken after you”. She joked halfheartedly.

“He just worries about you - something he did inherit from me.”

Hange leaned over the sink to splash cool water on her face and brush her teeth. “He shouldn’t have to worry,” she said, loading her toothbrush with toothpaste.

Levi grabbed the thermometer from the medicine cabinet and stuck it in Hange’s ear. After the beep, he looked at the small monitor.

“Your fever has been broken for a whole day now, I think it’s safe if he comes in.”

Levi opened the bedroom door to find Udo curled up on the floor across the hallway.

“What are you doing?”

Udo looked up with tears in his eyes. “Is Mama going to be okay?”

Levi bent down to pick him up. “Ofcourse. Your Mama is strong,” He wiped a tear from Udo's cheek. “I was about to make her some tea to make her stomach feel better. Would you like to to help me?”

Udo nodded.

“Her eyes look like your eyes,” Udo says, and pokes the dark circles under Levi’s eyes. He scowled, but made a mental note to tell Hange later. She’d laugh.

Levi set Udo down on the kitchen counter and turned the kettle on. He opened the cupboard with the vast collection of tea flavours and reached for a green box.

“Do you know what this is called?” He asks his son. Udo shook his head.

“Peppermint. It’s good for relaxing the tissues of the stomach and will suppress nausea. It helps with indigestion too.” Levi turned to look at Udo’s confused expression and suddenly remembered he was talking to a 4 year old. “Ah. It will make her tummy feel better.” Levi cringed at his own use of the word “tummy”, but Udo was fascinated.

“How?” he asks.

“I’m not sure, I just know it works. When your mother is feeling better, you should ask her. Here, smell it.”

Udo held the box up to his nose and took a whiff. “MMM… “ he said enthusiastically. “Will she be better soon?”

“Yes, soon, I promise”.

Levi taught Udo how to steep the tea and strain the leaves. They poured it into a cup that was too big and only filled about halfway, so that Udo could be the one to bring it to Hange. Levi wasn’t about to watch Udo spill on their bedroom carpet.

Udo grasps the mug with both hands, careful not to spill. Levi leans against the door frame, watching with endearment as Udo takes slow and cautious steps to bring the tea to her bedside table.

“Dad and I made you tea to make you better! It fixes tissues!”

Hange peels her eyes open just a crack and smiles. “Thank you so much,” she saids with a sigh. “You boys take such good care of me.”

Udo’s smile disappeared when Hange just closed her eyes again, not taking the tea right away. He lets out a small huff of frustration and leans against the bed.

“Mama, when I don’t feel good, you read me a story. Would you like me to read you a story?”

“No thank you, Udo. I just need to rest.”

Udo stares at his feet and chews his lip. “It’s hard to be a mom for a mom”.

Hange’s eyes shot open as her heart melted for her little boy. Despite the pain, she sat up and grabbed him in a tight embrace.

“Oh my dear, you’re doing just fine.”

“WOAH WOAH! ARE YOU CONTAGIOUS?! LET ME GO!” Udo squirms in her arms.

Levi smiled and thought to himself, ‘that is definitely my kid’.

#levihan #levihan fanfiction #levihan udo

146 notes · View notes

insufferablelust · 3 years

Text

Little Butterfly I (Sugar Daddy Mob Boss!Spencer Reid x Reader AU)

Warnings: Part 1 of an ongoing series (that i hopefully won’t abandon), Upcoming heavy violence, Mafia and Crime related fic, Spencer is a soft dom but is dangerous, HEAVY SMUT, upcoming dark kinks (Gun,Knife,Bondage etc), daddy kink for sure, Manipulation kink, Degradation, Humiliation (yknow the drill with me) spoiling kink?, upcoming murders etc, heavy topic regarding mental illness, College legal age!Reader, Age gap, older!Spencer, Mean!Spencer, BDSM themed, Indication of Subspace, Just heavily dark smutty series (yet again lmao)

Hello, my wonderful readers, i want to thank you all for the patience you all have for this series, hopefully i can stick to schedule an update this once a week like Thrilled. This will be a new territory for me since all i know about mafia and such are from the movies and countless books my father has inherited me with, so i deeply apologize if there’re some mistakes, this is an AU that means its only a story and fantasy. If you are uncomfortable to violence and sex then PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS. Thank you, and Happy Reading.

This series will set around the 80′s New York.

MASTERLIST HERE

There is no hiding from the absolute luxury you indulge in, in fact you love showing it to whoever might want to pry deep enough into your life. You caused no harm by it, and it certainly isn’t anybody’s business but yours and his.

The pair of arms around your waist is a certain remainder of who you belong to, and you loved it. He looked good tonight, almost too good with the suit adorning his perfection like an absolute genius adonis— your genius adonis. You feel your cheeks heats up slightly as he glanced at you, knowing just how shy you get around so many people— his little girl is sensitive after all.

Spencer Reid knows every little thing about you, what makes you tick, what makes you snap, what makes you bow in submission to him, and what makes you feel heavenly. He knows it all, he knows the way you trembled slightly whenever he wrapped his arms around your neck as he leaned down to kiss you, or how squirmy you get whenever he tug your hair, said your name calmly whilst shoving his fingers into your mouth— he knows everything.

—

It was a mutual agreement at first, living on 80’s New York has never been so stressful during your 20’s, all the student loans, the bartending you do sometimes, even the couple of scandalous photoshoots you sacrificed yourself doing to keep your bank account afloat. Your family never really cared much, and the only person that you truly have is Emily, your roommate.The whole ordeal was strange when you found out Emily’s ties to the mafia, being the daughter of one of the strongest mafia’s capo on America during that time. You wondered how on earth she has managed to doesn’t want to get on her father’s good side, and just except the riches that comes along with being a mob, but then again you were a stranger to it too...or so you thought.

The night she asked you to accompany her to meet her father and his boss, you shrugged and said yes, having nothing to do in the apartment other than wallowing in your own debts and sadness— you immediately agrees which put a smile on her cute face.

“I thought you didn’t want nothing to do with your father.” You asked as you raked through the closet to find something... ‘elegant’ but not too much, it’s going to be in a lavish restaurant after all. Your eyes darted to Emily’s who has been staring at her phone, smiling to whoever is texting her— you could only assumed it was one of her secret girlfriend-hookup for the week.

“Well i didn’t but money is tight, fucking inflation.” She looked up for once, lips hanging open at the sight of you standing there in a black dress, short with a slit on the thigh area— looking absolutely ravenous. “Holy fucking shit.” Emily whispered.

“What? is this enough? god i feel like such a prude.” You bit your lip as you await her comments, “You look fucking gorgeous you idiot, i mean are you sure you aren’t gay by any chance?” She laughed, which caused you to giggle, “I never said i’m not gay.. just that i’m not—

“Interested in dating, yeah yeah but we can at least fuck or something.” She jokingly raised her eyebrows as you throw your bra her way and laughed, “I just don’t want to get distracted em, especially that we live together.” You pouted before giving her a kiss on the cheek, which made her roll her eyes and smile.

Only if you knew what this meeting will entails.

—

The wine tasted exquisite on your tongue, the sweet burn of merlot was pleasant on the base of your throat which shocked you at first— maybe you should stop buying cheap wines, because the real ones are heavenly. You looked around nervously, it has been a long time since you’ve gone out to have dinner, let alone one as expensive as this.

“Stop looking like you’re about to die.” Emily whispers as she took the seat next to you, which you humorously giggle and swat her shoulder, “I’m not. It’s just.. new to me is all.” You nervously chuckled, before sipping on your wine some more. It was clear that her dad and his so called mob boss were late— which you rolled your eyes since Emily was basically rushing your make up, you just hoped that you looked decent enough, not that you want to impress anyone, its just good to feel like you’ve fit yourself to the occasion.

“Oh, you’ll get used to it.” Emily chuckled, before you could even process what she meant by that the sound of a soft elderly timbre rang through your ears, “Cara mia! Jesus, you’ve grown!” Emily slapped your thigh softly, gesturing for you to stand up.

Dear heaven, lord save your knees from buckling.

You watched as Emily greeted her father as you stood by her side, she kisses him on both cheeks as they made a small conversation that you pay no mind to since you were distracted, distracted by the pair of eyes that caught yours from the moment he walked in.

A soft yet stern eyes that held yours captive at this very moment, a presence that demands every single person for its attention, and intimidating like no other. A man, a finely sculpted man, standing in front of you in an attire that you were sure was more expensive than your whole closet, His soft looking curls marvelously falls fo his side, his plump lips were begging to be kissed— to be listened, to be heard, his tall lean figure towers over you which has you gulping down nervously— so much so that you failed to acknowledged the presence of Emily’s father calling your name.

“Y/N!” You let out a gasp before turning to shake Emily’s father’s hand, trying your best to smile as you glanced over the towering man, “So this is the Y/N i’ve heard so much about huh?” The old man snickered, looking gentle whilst maintaining a facade still. You giggled softly, “I hope there are all good things, nice to meet you Mr.Prentiss.”

“Oh please, Robert is fine. Oh Emily, Y/N this is don Reid.” He stepped back in.. what looks like an utter fear, you gasped as you realized that this is.. the mob boss Emily talked about, the masochistically handsome man you’ve been staring at— you thought a mafia boss would be someone older, but this is certainly not the case.

“Pleased to meet you both, Spencer Reid.” He extended his hand which Emily gladly took before she nudges your side whilst you were still gawking at the man, the soft yet deep timbre of his voice soothes and intimidate you at the same time, not to mention how he carries himself— practically saying he’s a god.

“Oh— um yes hello, pleased to meet you, i’m Y/N.” You bit your lip as you feel your cheeks hurt from the embarrassment, shaking his hand quickly— before you could even imagine pulling away, he gives you an amused chuckle and squeeze your hand tightly before releasing you.

“Well, let’s take a seat shall we?”

You are so fucking fucked.

“So, Y/N, Emily told me you’re majoring in art department, how’re you liking it?” Robert spoke as you eat your pasta slowly, trying not to show how you were trembling under the very same gaze that held you captive from the moment it arrives here. You gulped down a delicious bite of pancetta, before answering, “Oh i love it, always been my passion— well painting is, but i do love everything about art and literature.” You chuckled.

“I would love to see your art sometimes.” The voice could strangle you and you’d die happily, it really could— you glanced at the man whose been looking at you like a wolf to its prey, fingers skimming over the feet of the wine glass as a soft yet eloquent smile strikes over his face.

“Oh um, it’s not— it’s not that good, i wouldn’t want to waste your time.” You choked on your wine, feeling the burn on your throat as he let out a humorous-less laugh, shaking his head, before bringing his lean fingers to his lips. “Nothing is wasteful, not if it comes to such art like you.”

What?

“Huh?” You felt small, your cheeks heated at the reference as you tried so hard not to squirm and praised yourself by hearing what you thought you heard. Your eyes darted to his in a shy manner as he kept his composure well, licking the rim of his glass before sipping his wine gently.

“Anyways! dad, shall we talk a bit more private? i’m sure Y/N can keep the don company.” You gasped at Emily’s words, still barely grasping the previous encounter— the bottom of your heel jab at her left foot, as you glared at her, “Of course of course, don?” Robert spoke up, eyes lowering as his body turned to look at the smirking masterpiece that still stares at you with the same intensity.

“Go. We’ll be fine, won’t we angel?” You gulped down as much wine as you could without burning your throat before smiling nervously, eyes glancing back and forth to The Don and Emily.

“Y-Yes um sure.” You offered a gentle smile, even though your heels jabbed Emily’s which yet again resulted in her tiny laugh before she walks away to the back area of the restaurant.

The area was thick with intensity and glamorous lights, adding to the headache that already starts due to you being a lightweight around alcohol. Suddenly you realized, that you’re practically alone— with the don of the biggest mafia ring in America. “Go ahead and ask me the question.” He murmured sternly, causing your ears to perk at the sudden thrill that made your goosebumps rose and thrived under the shimmering lights.

“Pardon?” Your fingers fiddled with the hem of your dress as you tried so hard not to stare at the huge man, feeling as if you’re being cornered by a lion, and you his prey.

“Your cheeks are warm aren’t they? you keep biting your lips every time i muttered a word, you can’t even look at me because you know that the second you do, you wouldn’t be able to stop. Emily is right, you’re a pure little thing, its fucking cute really. If this table weren’t here separating us, you’d be across my lap already— for wearing something so slutty like that.” By the time he finishes taunting you, you stopped breathing, thigh squeezing against each other so tightly that you could feel how damp your panties are getting.

“Go ahead and ask, doll. Surely you can’t be dumb enough to think i would just allow anyone to meet me let alone a little college student like you.” His eyebrow lifted, as you nervous squirmed on your seat and breathed out.

“Why did you asked her to bring me?”

“Nicely. You know better, Y/N.”

“Sir...”

—

And the rest was history, the pair of arms around your waist tighten as the owner’s lips caress and nip at the very sensitive part of your neck, causing you to shudder and mewls. “mmh.. t-too early.” You complained, fully knowing that would only amuse him even more.

He chuckled as you had predicted, nimble fingers grazing up and down your front like feathers, delicately worshipping every inch of your skin. The blaring sound of New York’s traffic was prominent, but somehow that adds a thrilling aspect for you, months ago— you were picking up morning shifts by now, working your ass off just to gain enough cash to pay this month’s rent. But now, here you are, in the arms of the most feared yet young powerful don in the entirety of the mob community, Heck if everyone knows who he is and how much power he holds— they’d all fear him, but not you, not his fiery little butterfly.

“Shh, let me love on you a little.” Your heart warmed, familiar feeling of a thousand butterflies swarming on your belly caused your cheeks to warmed at the gesture. He said things like those often, though he made it perfectly clear that you were, you are only here for business arrangements, you knew he likes to toy over affection like this— one you aren’t supposed to get attached to. But how couldn’t you? when his hand so softly glides down the curve of your godly features, warm breath fanning across your skin from behind, whispering sweet words.

“Look so pretty for me, butterfly.” He whispered, causing you to yet again whimpers, hand clutching the sheets tightly as he moves down down down until he turned you over and settle between your legs, smiling at you. “If heaven is real, you’re definitely it.” He nipped and bit the exposed skin of your thighs, last night and the night before and before still there but like he said,

“If you agree to the terms, i’ll give you every damn thing you fucking want. Your bills, rents, loans, plus each and every single thing you wished to buy.”

“And in retur—“

“In return, you will be mine, mine to have whenever wherever i want, you won’t be my chained slave or nothing, but you’ll be mine.”

So marked you again and again he did, tearing your satin panties he did, panties that cost more than a week worth of luxury meal that he only grunted with “I’ll buy the whole fucking store, now shut up and let daddy eat his breakfast.”

You swore you’re in god’s heaven then and there, even if you aren’t sure that you believe in one, you can’t help but to think that this is some kind of miracle, your life is, here you have a perfect adonis, suckling on your clit as his fingers pump your delectable cunt in and out with such a fast pace that made you feel all floaty and flustered. The same man that commands the room whenever he walks in, the same man who pay all your bills, the same man who bought you a new lavish apartment and hands you gifts every damn day.

“Oh! oh please daddy right there..” You moaned out loud as your fingers latched onto his hair, softly tug on them as he moaned against your drippy cunt and suck your clit even harder,earning a particularly loud and lewd moan from you. “mmh! a-ah! i’m gonna—“ He held his finger up then, eyes finding yours as his mouth continues to work on your now sensitive clit. Spencer wasn’t too strict or nothing about your rules but if there’s two that he’s strict about is for you to cum only if he gives you permission— no matter the place or time, if he wants you to cum, you’ll cum— not that it’s hard, with someone as skilled as him.

When you begged and begged, he slapped your thigh only to grunt darkly, “If you can’t shut up and let daddy enjoys this, i’ll fucking take you on the balcony and fuck you for all Manhattan to see. Do you want that, Butterfly? want everyone to see what a filthy college girl you are getting fucked by someone as dangerous as me?” He slapped your cunt then, over and over again as you pant, and mewls.. Body jolts and pulsed at his ministration.

“You’re going to cum like this—“ He paused to spit directly onto your swollen clit, watching it wet the sensitive nub, “Going to cum with daddy slapping your greedy little cunt. Or you are not getting an orgasm.”

“Yes, daddy— oh!” True to his words, he spank you, over and over again, leaving you quivering and brokenly cried at the burning pleasure, “Cum princess, come on, you surely know how to thank daddy don’t you?” Your hole clenched around nothing as you arch your back and sobbed,

“Can’t— daddy please i-“

“You were so fucking desperate to cum, why not now huh? your sensitive cunt surely looks wrecked enough.” He scoffed before he spank your clit so hard you jumped at the sensation before he licked his fingers and caress your clit in fast fanning motion, not giving you enough time to even breathe as your cunt pulses and throb with overwhelming need of release, building up up up, up until you finally trembled and cum all over the bed— an orgasm so intense that you blacked out for few seconds straight.

“Shh.. shh good girl, that’s it— fuck you look so ethereal like this, butterfly.” He muses as he settle his head on your lap and admire your pulsing body, “T-Thank- y-you.. daddy.” You gathered all the strength you have left as he smiled proudly.

Your head laid on his chest as you both cuddle in silence, trying to enjoy the serenity and calm environment around you as the city below you buzzed all round. It was calming for awhile before his phone rang and you involuntarily sighs, “I know pretty girl, i know.” He muttered, before smiling apologetically- Not that he needs to.. Business arrangements, not like you’re his girlfriend or nothing.

love on you,

let me love on you,

You forced your fuzzy subby mind to get the thoughts out, as you watched his figure put on his robe, and leaned down, “I’ll be back later okay, don’t forget to check your phone.” He kissed your forehead for a bit, letting it linger as you held back your tears, wishing he could stay with you, you need your daddy, you really really do need him now. Feeling all small and fuzzy like this. But with the blaring noise of his ringtone, you knew the don has business to take care of and of course you’re not important enough to held such important task to be left.

So you smiled all nicely and kissed all the rings finger on his fingers before bidding a tiny whimper of, “Best of luck, don.” Your head bowed a little in respect as he noticed the true and true sadness flashed across your eyes, but paid it no mind as his other burner phone blared.

“Thank you, Butterfly. Get dressed soon, and i’ll have Morgan bringing you that sandwich from the deli you love so much. I’ll see you soon.”

Oh how nice would it be if this is your life, but life doesn’t always have a happy ending after all.

——

Comment or send me a message if you want to be added to this series taglist!

#spencer reid smut #littlebutterfly #mob!spencer #daddy!spencer #matthew gray gubler smut #mgg smut #insufferableblurb

717 notes · View notes

collecting-stories · 4 years

Text

Babe - John B Routledge

Request: Hi, welcome back and I hope everything is going okay with you. I absolutely love all of your stuff and was wondering if you could something with John B and the reader are together and maybe she's having a baby or something and he's protective of her if you're okay with that. If not it's cool and anything fluffy with him is okay. thank you

A/N: Just like fluff...

Outer Banks Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

John B had inherited a lot of things from Big John when he died. Some were objects; the house, the twinkie, the furniture, and some weren’t things you could hold in your hand; the way he ran his tongue over his molars when he was thinking, how he always pulled the toast out of the toaster too soon, the color of his eyes.

Something he had most certainly not inherited from his father was the flood of anxiety that settled in his stomach when you found out you were pregnant. Just twenty, the two of you were not the kind of couple that imagined weddings and joint checking accounts and babies. You talked about traveling and the possibility of leaving all the inherited messes of your parents behind. But then you got pregnant and after a million conversations at every conceivable hour you both decided that keeping the baby was something you wanted to do. You had one more year of college and the baby would be born in the summer, allotting you a coincidentally perfect timeline. John B had a good job. The Chateau was paid for and all the things inside were yours now.

All the things outside too, including the chickens.

“I wanted a cat, you know...maybe a dog. Something furry and cute, that I could pet.” You muttered, soaked through your shorts and top, carrying a chicken beneath your arm. Learning how to wrangle a loose chicken had not been something you ever dreamed of doing in your life and having to use that knowledge when you were six months pregnant was far from a dream come true.

You opened the coop, pushing the chicken back in and mentally adding the little building to your list of things that needed to be repaired on the property. The sound of the twinkie pulling in caught your attention as you stood up, turning to see John B already with a frown as he parked and got out of the car.

“You’re supposed to be in bed!” He called, door slamming after him as a punctuation of sorts.

“I was...but your dad’s chickens decided to orchestrate a prison break.” You replied. Big John had become the third member of the household somewhere along the line, an invisible entity that you and John B could blame everything on. If the water heater broke than Big John must not’ve installed it right. If the eletric went out than Big John had wired the house wrong. The chickens escaped and it was Big John who had built a faulty coop.

“I would’ve gotten them,” John B insisted, “you’re soaking wet. You’re going to get a cold.”

“It’s like a million degrees outside Bird, I’m not getting a cold.” You laughed.

“Well what if it was colder out?”

“What if a tornado swept through and I got sucked into it?”

“I’m not joking,” John B said, all the sternness of his dad apparently just waiting to find purpose in him.

The protectiveness was not his father’s though. That was all John B. You had known the Routledge family so long that your mom remembered John B’s. And she had sworn, the first time she watched her future son-in-law, whenever you decided to stop ‘living in sin’, that Big John couldn’t have been bothered if a house fell on his pregnant wife. John B wasn’t like that at all. Attentive, always concerned, the math skills that he had pushed aside to focus on work after his dad died came in handy as he calculated every moment of every year that you would be raising a kid. Knowing that, and because you just couldn’t help yourself, sometimes you teased him.

“What if we have a second kid? We could have them close together.”

“Absolutely not. This place barely qualifies as a two bedroom as it is.” He’d argue, sitting on the kitchen counter eating cereal in the morning while he window shopped for baby furniture on his phone. You’d never seen someone navigate and barter on Facebook better than he did.

“As long as they can fit through the window it qualifies.” You replied.

“No.”

“You’re no fun.”

“I’m trying to bid on this crib...I need complete concentration.” John B replied.

A lot of people who knew the two of you were quick to tell you that you were throwing away your futures. You would never tell any of them but it was something that you and John B had discussed regularly for the first few weeks. Now though, when people saw your young age and your very pregnant state, they felt obligated to weigh in on your life decision as if they were a part of the small family that you and John B were creating together.

“Don’t you think you should have waited?” It seemed the echoed question on everyone’s lips. Shouldn’t you have waited, until you had a better house, more money, were finished college, had a stable job. Maybe, you wanted to answer, probably. But you always just shrugged. It was what it was at think point.

Kiara’s dad was not the first to ask you a resoundingly simple “why John B?”.

“Don’t you want someone responsible?” Was his follow up.

You weren’t sure if it was just ill-worded or if everyone in the Outer Banks had some pre-conceived idea about John B’s ability to be both a parent and an adult but you knew something none of them did.

“I swear to god if you don’t get inside I will carry you,” John B called, standing in the doorway of the Chateau, looking completely exasperated.

“Good luck,” you laughed, standing in the spray of the sprinkler in a bathing suit that made you thankful you didn’t have neighbors too close. It was boiling inside the house and the measly fan that John B had produced while he tried to put the air conditioners in was doing a terrible job of cooling you and your eight month pregnant stomach off.

“I’m not joking,” he came down the stairs two at a time, walking across the lawn to you.

“No!” You laughed, trying to get away from him but failing miserably as he grabbed your arms. “John B! It’s too hot inside!”

“You’re not supposed to be on your feet, at least lay in the hammock.” He rolled his eyes at you, annoyed as ever as he got hit with water from the sprinkler.

“The sprinkler doesn’t reach the hammock.” You pointed out, walking toward the trees as he pushed you along.

“I’ll buy you a pool to sit in.” He promised.

John B was slowly but surely fixing up the entire house, transforming the once crumbling Chateau into something that felt much more like home than it ever had before. Old furniture was being replaced with new, his dad’s office had been cleaned out and the walls had been painted for a nursery. It was only a matter of time before the house that John B had inherited from his father became the place he would raise his own kid. There was no denying that John B had inherited a lot from his father, some good, most bad, but the part of him that checked every door and window before he went to bed, that paid every bill on time and scrounged to save whatever extra he could, the part that had been waiting in anticipation for a baby was not inherited from anyone. That part was all John B.

taglist: @maplelattes22 @poguesrforlife @freckled-and-daydreaming @chasefreakinstokes @millie-753 @fangirlwithme @alex12948 @katherine097 @tangledinsparkles @carbonated-beverage @mariofgreengables @damonsalvawhore27 @dopedoodes @dolanfivsosxox @belledutchess @poguelifeeee @faded-blue @parkerpetertingle @thebookwormlife @summer-clouds-and-long-days @jellyfishbeansontoast @minigranger @hoewkeye @love-someone-special @tiredfeels @strangerthanfanfiction713 @the-only-nana @tomzfrog @mozz-are-lla @vindictive-hearts @poguestyleskye @ssprayberrythings @jenahbell @beautyandthebleh @gothackedalready @teenwaywardasgardian @sarahcxmeron @haha-fuck-you-thot @stillbelieve398-5 @rewindlr @queenniccimicci @kissessforharryyy @thedarkqueenofavalon @alytavzla @bqmblebee @linniep @nerdypartytrashpsychic @xxchxrryxx @spencer-reid-is-a-cutie @mirjanak @danielladreaming @obx-saltlife @youngestxhearts @spnobsessedmemes @wowitswondergurl @celestialmaybank @mybnkjj @pineappleandcherries @mysterious-adventurer @justawilddreamerchild @rhyetaylor62 @calm-rejects @balletandyuzu @oh-annaa @aiifandomsunite @x-lulu @ceruleanjj @wicked-laugh @obxwriterfan @allie-mcginn @pcterparxer @literarycharleton @khiaraaa-in-spacee @crushe-s @teamnick @daydreamlilys @collectiveuniverses @activist-af @mdgrdians @buckys-sunflower @vindictive-hearts @copper-boom @talksoprettyjjx @5am-cigarette @smiithys @dontjinx-it @outerbanksbro @mysticsthinking @heavenlymama @louisolos @rudy-pankow-needs-an-oscar @babymatilda @raekenliar @lemur46 @under-a-canyon-moon @pogue-h

352 notes · View notes

justmarvelwriting · 3 years

Text

The Defender

So uh, hi. My names Sinead and I was completly enthralled by @shiningloki 's fic Get on Your Knees and Pray for Me (Please read it, it's a work of art. Warning; Heavy NSFW.) Annnnd I wanted to see this little family again so. Here we go. A fan fic of a fan fic.

CHAPTER 1

Stefan smiled as he peered from the top of his book to watch his parents on their balcony above him secretly. He’d long since grown from his childishness of gagging every time his parents so much as chastely pecked each other on the lips. Now his heart warmed as he watched them both laughing above him. They both deserved the happiness they had that the thought of anything tearing them apart broke Stefans heart a little. They both bore scars, all of which he was fascinated with as a child, small fingers tracing each bumpy outline. He was no longer fascinated by them, but understood why his father bore his so openly and proudly. It was his mother who explained to him quietly that mental scars ran much deeper, and much larger then the physical ones he bore from battle. Those were the ones he was most proud he overcame.

“How does he show them off mama?” He mumbled quietly as she stroked his hair.

“By carrying you on his shoulders every chance he gets.”

He chuckles when he remembers the night his father had finally told him the fairytale. He snorted. Asta gave it that name. Loki had tried to keep a stern look on his face but it broke into a grin even so.

It was told to him the night after he had gotten in….an altercation with another boy his age. The boy had a mouth, and he liked to run off with it.

“Nothing but the spawn of the common Midgardian whore and the Dark Prince who fell from Odin's grace!”

Stefan possessed magic that equaled his fathers at his own age, but instead he went the more satisfactory route.

He had punched him twice. Once for calling his mother, a fully realised Goddess in her own right, a common Midgardian whore. The second, for daring to slander his fathers name with such old cruelties.

“I am Lokison,” he yelled, shoulders straight, “and you will NEVER speak ill of my family again.”

One of his friends had pointed out he failed to punch him for insulting him. But Stefan had grinned, his mouth and nose bloody before dragging himself to his mother’s quarters before she found out through other means. She was attending to Eira, the youngest of his siblings who was only a toddler at the time when she caught sight of him. Her face had paled, and he rushed to explain he was ok, they weren’t in danger. He’d just gotten into a fight. She had chided him softly as she moped his nose and chin, Eira bouncing on his lap as he tried to assist, small hands bouncing gently off his chin. His father had appeared not two minutes after, hawking that Baldyrs son was walking around with a broken, bloody nose.

“About bloody —“ He spun slowly on his heel and faced him with wide eyes.

“He called Mom a common whore and slandered your name.” He straightened his back, looking his father squarely in the eyes, "I don't regret a thing."

He coughed, trying to hide the proud smile that stretched his face, “You know not to be fighting in court.”

When your mother had left him in his room that night, Loki had appeared at the door.

“You know, I did convince her you shouldn’t be punished too harshly. You showed restraint after all. You could have used your magic.” he still fought a smile, a rapidly losing battle.

“Thor is very proud of me, apparently, by the way.” he grinned, sweeping his hair out of his eyes.

That made his father unravel into fits of laughter, clutching his side. He snickered also, but it made him wince with his nose.

Loki had sighed, smiling as he sat on the bottom of his bed, and had launched into the tale.

“So truly I can’t really tell you off for defending your family's honour, I did take 5 bullets for your mother after all.” He finished smoothly, smirking at Stefans expression.

“Dad, you didn’t just take 5 bullets you literally took on bloody Odin himself!”

“With your grandmother, uncle and mother in tow.” He warned him, expression serious, “If you take anything from this my dearest Stefan please let it be that you can rely on your family. I am only ever,” he tapped his necklace, “one call away.”

“Stefan!” The present dragged him back to reality and he raised his hand waving to Alex to join him.

Two boys, him and Eira. Two girls, Asta and Eva. And then Alex, his sibling. Five plus Mom and Dad made the perfect storm for the Lokison name.

Alex's cheeks were flushed as they barreled into the chair beside him, slicking back long, inky hair once they caught their breath. Eira was the youngest, still only a child but soon a teen, then Alex, Eva, Asta and himself. Eva was his mother, but smaller, and Alex was similar, but for the inky black hair the rest of the family inherited.

"Uncle Thor had to leave the sparring match early," they explain as Stefan checks his watch, a frown settling over their face, "He was in such a hurry, it was kind of unsettling actually."

Stefan waved his hand, both acting as a dismissive gesture and that to vanish his book, "The nine realms have never known such peace. Don't worry. A diplomatic hiccup, not much more. The realms have never trusted each other more. How could they not? Mother is in charge of that after all." Stefan grinned and Alex relented, grinning up at their parents with a similar adoration on their face that Stefan showed quietly moments before.

"Maybe it's trouble down on Midgard." Stefan mused quietly, "The Avengers perhaps?"

Alex hummed quietly, basking in the late evening sun.

//--//--//

Loki smiles, wrapping arms around your waist as you both look down at two of your children talking quietly in the garden, hands flying animatedly as they throw arguments back and forth.

"I think we did an amazing job my love." he mutters quietly as he watches them both spring to their feet with a laugh that echoes the courtyard, Stefan summoning wooden swords for them to spar harmlessly with.

"I think we did." you smile and you mentally capture this moment in your mind forever. You'd have to paint it, actually. Your hall of art had changed over the years, reflecting your growing family. But by far Loki's favourite was the one at the very end, the huge canvas of your family all together. It would need to be redone, once Eira became a man in his own right, of course. But for now, it captured your family perfectly. You toyed with your necklace, watching thoughtfully as Stefans and Alex's chains glow with your grass green magic for a moment before they fade back to their deep emerald green once more. You felt so peaceful, but something didn't feel right, not in your gut.

"What troubles you, my pet?" Loki purrs and your eyes flutter closed as he places soft kisses all along your throat, hands gripping your waist tighter.

"Something doesn't feel right…" you murmur, sighing softly as the warmth of his lips leave their position. Loki hums softly, dragging you back into your chambers.

"We are all safe." he reassures you quietly, pressing a hand to your chest, "And if anything happens… we will know."

You nod but sigh anyway. Loki chuckles, pressing you against the wall, "My little Goddess… always so attentive to her tasks."

His voice dips and your worry flees your mind as his hand goes up to grip your throat, "I have many tasks I could focus your attention on… your lips around my cock… my hand beating your ass red."

You whimper quietly, but just as Loki is about to speak, his eyes flashing dangerously, there's a knock on the door. Loki growls, only detaching himself slightly before clearing his throat.

"Yes?"

"Prince Loki, your brother requests your presence in the throne room immediately. There's an urgent diplomatic matter he wishes you to aid him in."

Loki sighs and presses his forehead to yours.

"Tell brother dearest I'm coming."

"Later." he promises quietly, smiling and pressing a single finger to your lips. You smile and resist the urge to take it into your mouth.

You smooth your hair and peer out the window. Stefan and Alex are hugging each other tightly, before Alex pushes him away playfully. Stefan notices you and waves up, a wide smile on his face. You blow a kiss and he laughs, a note appearing before you, floating into your hand.

Love you too Mom xx

You sigh dramatically. A carbon copy of his father. The only thing separating them was Stefan's short hair.

You exit your chambers, old habits dying slowly of kissing each of the children goodnight.

---///---///

It's late when Stefan wakes, darkness still cloaking his room and he frowns. He's an unusually heavy sleeper, and is often made fun of when he emerges late from his room in the early hours of the evening.

His curtains flutter and his heart beats loudly in his chest. He closed his balcony door before he went to bed. And locked it.

Quietly, he summons a dagger and swings his feet out of bed. He scans his room, concealing his dagger with his magic, but his hand is shaking. He closes his eyes and focuses on the necklace at his throat.

"Dad, come quietly, quickly. I think there's someone in my room."

The response is almost instantaneous, but the only indication to him is the dip in his bed.

"Stand, pretend to head for the bathroom, keep your dagger hidden."

He felt his father's hand at the back of his neck, squeezing him gently, "You're safe, my son. No harm will come to you."

Stefan stands lazily, heading to his bathroom, eyes darting around as he fakes a yawn, running his fingers through his hair.

A figure leaps from the darkness and he growls, dropping into a roll, the attacker leaping into a crumpled heap before they both leap to their feet. The attacker lunges, but he is caught by his throat, his father revealing himself in a flash of brilliant green light. The fury on his father's face is nothing Stefan has ever seen before, cold hard lines and his eyes practically glow in the dark room.

"Well done my boy." Loki grins at him as Stefan leans heavily on his door frame hand to his chest. Then his heart stops.

"The others!" he lets his dagger clatter to the floor and practically flies out of the door, sword fitting in his palm easily. He practically kicks down the door of each of his siblings in turn, flooding the room with light, before stumbling back out. Asta practically leaps out of bed when he wakes her, the panic on his face telling her everything she needs to know. He flicks her a dagger and they both sprint towards Alex's room, feet impossibly loud on the marble floor. Stefan grits his feet and Alex's door practically flies off its hinges.

Just in time to see someone leap off his balcony ledge, Alex draped over their shoulders like a sack of bricks.

"ALEX." Astas scream pierces the air but Stefan leaps off the balcony like a deranged man, landing impossibly lightly before taking off at a breakneck speed. The attacker weaves in and out of the maze of hedges trying to lose him, but a cold smile graces Stefans face. He's been running in these gardens since he was a child, he knows every pocket like the back of his hand.

"Stop!" He bellows as they reach the edge of Asgard, the attacker not turning to face him, "I am Stefan of Asgard, Son of Loki and you will release my sibling immediately."

The attacker turns slowly. But Stefan can only see his thin smile.

"No."

And he falls backwards.

#Loki #mculoki #fan fic #fan fic of a fan fic #writers on tumblr #loki x female reader #getonyourkneesandprayforme #it’s a masterpiece you better have read it

10 notes · View notes

tams-writeblr · 3 years

Text

Once I’m gone

Rating: M(ature)

Warnings: major character death

Category: F/M (main couple), Multi (side characters)

Fandom: Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin

Relationship: Mikasa Ackermann / Eren Jaeger | various side couples

Characters: Eren Jaeger, Mikasa Ackermann, Armin Arlelt, Zeke Jaeger, Hange Zoe, Floch Forster, Ymir, Reiner Braun, Pieck Finger, Historia Reiss, several others will make a cameo

Additional Tags: Modern AU | established relationship | toxic behaviour | Eren suffers from Huntington’s disease and tries to settle his matters before he dies | suicial blockhead Eren | aged up characters (by ten years) | suicide tw | depression tw | mental diseases tw | deathly diseases tw | this is clearly not write what you know, but I’m giving my very best to representate the topics as good as I can | this all basically came to me as a fever dream | you remember Thirteen from House, M.D.? I still have a huge crush on her so this version of Eren is greatly inspired by her <3

Language: English (not native, I’m trying my best you guys)

Stats: ongoing - Chapter 1/15 - Part 2/4 - 1507 of 3652 words

Summary: Eren Jaeger knew for years that he inherited Huntington’s disease from his late mother. When he first notices symptoms on him, his long protected plan, to end his life before reaching the critical state of his illness, awakes. But there is still Mikasa, his girlfriend and the only person in the world he cares about more than about himself, and he can’t leave her alone and grieving. It’s time to find a substitute for when Eren is gone. With the help of a new friend Eren tries to scare away Mikasa while driving her into the arms of someone new.

__________________________________________________

Charlatans and Pills - Part 2/4

<<previous

“Hey Mama”, the small, dark haired boy said and pulled his hand towards the woman that sat sunk down on an uncomfortable looking chair.

She didn’t directly look at him, only giving his pulled out hand a small, arbitrary glance and looked up towards the man, standing behind Eren.

“But Carla, Dear”, Eren's father said with a cheerful tone. “Shake at least our Eren’s hand. Aren’t you happy that we are visiting you?”

A thin lipped smile crawled over Carla’s face and her light brown eyes finally found Eren’s glance. “Eren”, she sighed recognizing and rather than just taking his hand, she slipped down her chair and tightly hugged him.

Tighter than Eren would have liked it. He looked up to his father, seeking help, insecure how to behave. She still was his mother, the one that always loved him and guessed every wish from his eyes.

Eren had found out that she was sick, three years ago. Back then they also told him, he eventually would get the same sickness. She often dropped things and so she did on his eleventh birthday with a knife to cut his cake. It fell right on her foot and she had to go to the hospital. After this incident, she never returned to her old self. She behaved strangely ever so often, screaming at his dad for obviously no reason.

But the strangest was when Eren came home from school one day. His father was still at work, he had a small practice in the middle of town, and usually a delicious lunch was waiting for him when he returned home from school. But on this day nothing smelled nice through the house, on the contrary it stank horribly of burned food and everything was full with smoke. Eren found his mother in the upstairs bathroom, her hands were dripping with blood, he had found shards in the kitchen.

“What do you want?”, his mother screamed and held her blood stained hands in front of her face. “Get out! I have to hide from the smoke!”

Puzzled Eren neared his mother. “But Mama, you have to turn off the oven or else whatever's on there will burn even more. Did you cut yourself? Do you need a bandaid?”

“Get our!”, Carla yelled again. “Who the hell are you, how did you get into my house?”

Helpless tears wobbled out of big, green child’s eyes. “Mama”, he whined and ducked away under a roll of toilet paper his mother threw at him. Desperately the boy backed out of the bathroom and ran back to the kitchen where he pulled all knobs of the oven until the red control light went off, then he remembered what his father always had hammered inside his little head: to call him at work, when something was wrong with Mum.

“The number is pinned on the fridge”, he had told him again and again. “I’ll be with you within 15 minutes.” If not at this moment, when should he bother his father at work? Quickly the boy looked for the phone around the smoke filled house, luckily he found it in the living room and not like so often in his parents bedroom. He wouldn’t have dared to walk past the upper bathroom in which he still suspected his mother.

His father indeed arrived within minutes. He found Carla beneath the toilet, sunk down and asleep and immediately called an ambulance. “I’m so sorry”, he murmured again and again while pressing the sobbing and crying Eren against him. “You’ll never have to be alone with her again. Everything will be alright.”

His mother didn’t return home after this incident. His father explained to him that she would now live somewhere, where people could look after her more appropriately. There no knife would fall on her food ever again and she wouldn’t burn any more pans.

But Eren found the place where they brought her simply terrifying. There were only old people. Not old people like his father but really old, probably older than his grandparents. It always smelled strangely and scary sounds came from some chambers.

Eren curled out of his mother’s embrace and his father came to help him.

“There, there Carla, not so fiercely”, he laughed and directed her gently back towards her chair. Then he took place across from her and placed a hand on her knee. “Well my Dear, how are you feeling today?”

Carla looked at him for a long time with a stoic face. At that her left arm twitched permanently. It hit against her thigh and the seating of the chair.

Eren watched the movement hypnotized and flinched when his mother took a deep, loud breath.

“Grisha”, she said with unmistakable joy in her voice. her twitching arm raised and her hand landed accurately on her husband’s. A smile crept towards her lips. “My Dear…” Suddenly she was once again his mother, the pretty woman with light brown eyes and dark hair, sun kissed skin and the most beautiful smile in the world.

Eren felt lighter than before and placed his small child’s hand above his mother’s. She only looked at him briefly, out of the corner of her eyes, before taxing Grisha again. The three of them stayed like this for a while in total silence. Only a far away, old and male voice asked when it was finally time for dinner.

The clearing of a throat crushed the family idly and Eren and his mother heavily flinched.

Carla’s head shot high to look at the creator of the noice’s face. Her own one suddenly started to twitch wildly.

“Mr. Jäger, can I please talk to you for a moment?”, a man in a white coat said. From his father Eren knew that doctors dressed like that.

Grisha got up and agreed with a dark look on his face. “Eren, sit down for so long. I’ll be right back.”

“You are a doctor?”, Eren heard the other man ask when he walked away with his father. The latter didn’t answer, maybe he had only nodded. “Then you must know about the condition your wife is in.”

Eren couldn’t hear more from the conversation. But from the look on his mother’s face, he could tell that her glance followed them.

He didn’t want to turn out like her. What was that for a life? Eren still couldn’t quite understand what was wrong with his mother, but he knew she always forgot things, sometimes even him or his father and that she always flapped around her arms. He didn’t want that, especially not the thing with forgetting. Carefully he took her hand between both of his. “I’m not gonna forget you, Mama”, he said tenderly and patted her hand that was gaunt and wiry. “I promise.”

Carla looked at her boy dumbfounded before pulling her eyebrows into a painful grimace. “Oh Eren, my little baby,” she cried and thick tears wobbled out of her eyes. Fragile and smaller as he remembered her she sat on that horribly uncomfortable chair, her hand between the small palms of her son.

Scared by her sudden burst of emotion Eren pulled his hands away. Two faces, so similar to each other that everyone would see their connection, looked at each other with a mixture of horror and hurt.

When his father returned, Eren asked him to leave.

“Come back soon!”, he heard his mother say softly when Grisha leaned down to her and kissed her.

He promised they would, of course he did. And of course they kept their promise. Eren couldn’t say how many hours of his youth he had spent in that foster home that cared for his mother. The doctors and nurses there did a wonderful job, they deeply cared for his mother, who visibly crumpled infront of her small family’s eyes. She got thinner and thinner and ever more erratic. Until she neither recognized Grisha nor Eren. Sometimes she remembered to have a son called Eren but in her memory he was still a ten-years-old that had broken his arm while wrestling with his friends. That the handsome young man infront of her was her small Eren, she wouldn’t get the idea despite their striking resemblance.

Finally her spasticies became so bad that it became too dangerous to let her eat solid food and she got a feeding tube. From this moment on, things went continuously down hill for Carla Jäger, whose husband was a doctor himself who slowly broke down by looking at her.

Almost exactly ten years after moving to the foster home and a little over 13 years after her diagnosis Carla died on a stormy fall evening. She hadn’t seen her son in four month, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

But losing his mother had broken something deep inside of Eren. Now a full grown man, he knew which fate his mother had handed down to him. But he also knew back than, how he would be reacting towards it, when his time came.

>>next

__________________________________________________

Author’s Note: Hey, thank you for coming back to me! I hope you don’t mind when long flashbacks like this are all in Italics, I know they can be hard to read. Just for Context: Carla was 30 when she had Eren in this story and she dies at 51. Can’t have a main character without a tragic family backstory, can we? See you for the next part!

#attack on titan fanfiction #aot ff #eremika #eren jaeger #carla jaeger #grisha jaeger #once i'm gone #once i'm gone chap 1 #once i'm gone chap 1 part 2 #eren jaeger x mikasa ackerman #grisha jaeger x carla jaeger #writers on tumblr #fanfiction on tumblr #fanfiction #fanfic #writing

15 notes · View notes