#he's a university professor?

[emo-batboy]

Things Battinson Totally Did During His First Year of University

Using Unhinged or Odd Things I Also Did as a College Freshman :D

Note: for this list, let’s believe Bruce was living in an (admittedly expensive and swanky) dorm because it is required for first-years, especially those entering at a young age, and Alfred told him he needed to make friends. Also yes I did every single thing on this list. I never claimed to be a role model

Bruce, to his TA: I’m so sorry I’m late to class. I gave blood a few hours ago and almost fainted on the way here, but it won’t happen again.

Signs up for a class called “Age of Dinosaurs” despite it not being required whatsoever and proceeds to work his entire schedule around it

Bruce: Your mental health is super important. If you think you should see the on-campus therapist, go see them. Friend: Fine. I’ll sign up for therapy if you sign up for therapy too. Bruce: Hold on-

Finds a loophole in his housing contract that allows him to get a pet frog, calls him kermit :)

Gets a second frog because Kermit was lonely, names it Constantine after Muppets Most Wanted, then realizes that they’re gay for each other. Wonders if the rainbow-colored rocks he got them triggered anything

Swings dramatically between calling Alfred every single day and ghosting him for weeks, cries when he realizes what he did

“Accidentally” joins the student body council, doesn’t know what he’s doing, gets re-elected anyway

Molds a dragon out of Laffy Taffy instead of doing his work

Bruce: *joins Honors, gets all A’s, takes the max amount of classes, has several minors, overachieves* Also Bruce: I’m a failure.

Breaks into a building after hours to study because NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AT THE LIBRARY

Bruce: I will not get seasonal depression this year. Bruce: *gets real and seasonal depression that year*

Meticulously schedules his day with a color-coded planner because if he sits down for too long, the thoughts will consume him

Gives a presentation to his rhetoric class on how much he likes Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (it is 20 minutes long)

Successfully allocates funding from the student body council to pay for free feminine products in the dorms OUT OF SPITE because someone said it couldn't be done. fuck you, Andrew

Bruce: It is not an all-nighter if I go to sleep before my first class. Friend: It is 7:30am, the sun is in the sky, and your first class is at 12:30. Bruce: But I am getting sleep.

Refuses to go anywhere without his backpack because what if he needs three notebooks at once

Loses over 20 pounds because ✨stress✨ and scares the shit out of Alfred when he comes home for Thanksgiving

Argues with his TA over the one (1) question he got wrong on his Dinosaur exam

Bruce, calling Alfred: Hello father figure. How do I do taxes? Do I have to do them myself? Also, I think I’m having a panic attack.

Joins in on a charity arts-and-crafts project that gives kids books with matching activities made by volunteers, proceeds to commandeer the project because “it’s not color-blind friendly” and rewrites the instructions for everyone

Makes a murder wall

Goes to one (1) sports game and proceeds to leave in the first ten minutes because it’s way too loud wtf is wrong with people

Professor, addressing the lecture hall: I dare you to write an essay about these two sentences. Bruce: *writes an essay about six words, gets a 100, never even read the book*

Crawls into the ceiling for some alone time

Ghosts someone after a date because he’s too scared to tell them he didn’t know it was a date in the first place and now he feels bad

Classmate: How tf does he walk across campus that fast? I go in the same direction he does on my bike, and he’s always ahead of me. Bruce: *is gay sprinting to Dinosaur class*

Refuses to let others use his Favorite Pen TM

Constantly gets mistaken for a Grad Student because he is “so wise and mature” (bestie, that’s the autism)

Alfred: *casually mentions he got into a car accident through text* Bruce: *replies with a meme while hyperventilating because he doesn’t know what to do with that information??!*

Wears a suit to one of his finals

Regularly eats non-organic food for the first time in his life, proceeds to learn about several allergies Alfred forgot to mention he has

Writes “What is a Hot Pocket?” in calligraphy and proceeds to laugh his ass off alone in his dorm because he is so exhausted he’s reached the point of delusion

Locks himself out of his dorm right before class, frantically asks the floor group chat if someone can help, proceeds to tell the nice gay man on the floor who saved him “I love you” because his social skills have hit rock bottom

Makes a little music album display next to his desk for his favorite band (Nirvana) His friends call it a shrine, and they are technically correct

Has a blacklist of people he refuses to interact with because Reasons

Counselor: What do you want to do when you graduate? Bruce: *gestures vaguely*

Refuses to take the bus because there are people in there and he doesn’t like those

Loses one of his frogs, how tf did he do that, they’re fully aquatic, oh fuck, this is probably why they got rid of that loophole a year later because unbeknownst to Bruce, he accidentally started a frog revolution in the dorms, btw he SWEARS he did not mean to do that

Has two trash cans in his room: one for the Good Garbage, and one for the Bad Garbage. Only Bruce knows which is which

Bruce: *writes a creative piece about a ship’s final thoughts as it sinks, bringing its passengers down with it* TA: Absolutely lovely, Bruce, but are you okay?

Goes on Night Walks, keeps himself safe by maintaining a level 12 resting bitch face at all times

Earns the nickname “8th floor cryptid” after pacing the halls at 3am when it’s too cold for Night Walks (honestly tho how tf didn’t he get the nickname earlier?)

Bruce: Do you think a depressed person could do this? Bruce: *has a manic episode*

Okay that's all love you BYE

#cryptid Bruce Wayne #college au #does this count if op is the au #fully nocturnal unhinged madman Bruce but make him like 17 and full of crippling separation anxiety and autism #bruce would rather die than inconvenience a professor but hE KNOWS HIS DINOSAURS #Dino class was my fav one in uni hands down #yes i am insane thank you for asking #originally this was just going to be a normal list but I kept taking from my own experience then said “fuck it I'm the captain now” #one of these was a lie tho...the murder wall was third year :/ #battinson #bruce wayne #batman #the batman 2022 #batman 2022 #the batman #battinson needs a hug #dc universe #gotham #autistic bruce wayne

[diamondnokouzai]

if magneto knew what the internet was then he would post to r/aita as often as possible and all his posts would be the top posts of the year. thats the kind of drama hes going through. he also gets permabanned from r/mutants for advocating violence

#.din #.txt #marvel #x men #GD I FORGOT HOW OFTEN XAVIER USED HIS GO GO GADGET PTSD ON MAGNETO IN THIS SERIES. JESUS CHRIST. #im scared of getting gwenpool'd into the marvel universe cause thatd be the first thing id think of if i met professor x #and like what if he hadnt used his go go gadget ptsd telepathy yet in that universe? #would i be responsible for teaching him how to give magneto war flashbacks? #would he be offended that i thought about it? might be worse if he wasnt honestly. #that would be my first five questions but my hand would be covering my mouth so hed be reading my mind. #< as in the go go gadget war flashbacks would be my first five questions i mean

[ghcstao3]

professors au where ghost is the kind of prof to never, ever be absent unless he has a conference or something important to attend to. versus soap who will cancel class because “his and his husband’s cat just looked too cute when he was leaving today and he felt bad going out”

#he’s still a great professor don’t get me wrong #but sometimes he needs a break as much as his students #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soapghost #ghost x soap #ghostsoap #ghoap #alternate universe

[possibly-a-table-or-just-gay]

My recent Hobbit hyperfixation has culminated in me writing a Hobbit/LOTR college au of questionable quality. Whether I continue it remains to be seen, but for now enjoy whatever this is.

Edit: there are lil offshoots to this now! 1 2 3 4 5

Also if you like this pls reblog it, it helps way more than likes! I'm pretty sure I turned reblogs back on

#au where thorin is a history professor and the fellowship + kili fili ori and the bardlings are all students #if i do continue this it will feature eventual bagginsheild with lit professor bilbo #and gandalf will be the old man stoner who somehow ended up the backbone of the entire university and meddles where he doesn’t belong #i have Ideas if you couldn't tell #the hobbit #lotr #the fellowship of the ring #thorin oakenshield #fili and kili #fíli #kíli #tauriel #legolas #aragorn #college au #lotr college au #any thoughts are greatly appreciated #the hobbit/lotr college au #i make shit sometimes

[tiya-minuscule]

Last Chapter Next chapter First chapter

Hello, I'm just like Clark, I would sacrifice a whole friendship for a joke. I'm stupid.

Who else had super embarrassing parents ??? I can't be alone on this plz

Once again big shout out to @lutiaslayton for helping me with the translation !

See you soon !

#professor layton #university au #hershel layton #claire foley #clark triton #roland layton #mentionned #in my head he is a total savage #and a firefighter #don't ask why #layton

[sncwonthebeach]

He's just like me for real

#ryan bergara #ryan and shane #ryan i love you #hes just like me for real #all hail the watcher #watcher network #we are watcher #watcher #dish granted #ricky wang #steven lim #shane madej #ghost files #the professor #mystery files #welcome to puppet history #puppet university #puppet history #what an adhd mood tbh #it truly be like this sometimes #he may have a touch of the tism #theres nothing wrong with that #me too ryan my boy

[gum-iie]

sorry but modern au serial killer dottore has been rotting in my brain for a while now

#my toxic personality trait is thinking i can take him #not in a fight #genshin impact #dottore #i feel like he'd be an underground doctor for the mafia or something #and his cover is that he's a professor doing research at some top tier university #pantalone is also a professor and he's been embezzling renovation funds #they both know #that's me in the tub #don't call the police #severe brainrot #wip #procrastination doodles

[myobscureimaginarium]

Try LETHE ELIXIR by Severus Snape

Tranquillity is a Sip Away

Severus Snape's miraculous invention will protect you from blabbering dunderheads and inane small talk. Just a sip will create a protective barrier around the drinker, making people forget why they even wanted to bore, er, approach you.

Secret Santa gift for @quite-unbalanced ♥️ But I also felt it was fitting for his birthday

#Happy Birthday Severus Snape #A universe where Snape sells his soul to capitalism instead of the dark arts #His little apothecary is decorated just as gothic and dramatic as his classroom #He is of course on all of the advertisements because sex sells #He's a total arse but everyone goes to him because his stuff is the best #severus snape #snape #severus #procreate #professor snape #my art #pro snape #prosnape #myart #severussnape #snapecelebration

[rafasbiscuits]

Charles Xavier, Professor X, mutant, and husband of Magneto.

He is the representative, he is the original embodiment, the creator of "I can fix him"

#x men #thats him #thats charles xavier #he was the guy. he was the man. #gone wrong tho but....did it??? #dark phoenix was confusing #ANYWAYS. CHERIK. GAYS. YES. #cherik #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr #erik lensherr #professor x #magneto #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe

[myenterpriseisparked]

A small collection of memes I made to document my experience watching Star Trek Enterprise:

#this show was really good #except TATV #also Archer sucks #but anyway great cast #great crew #lovely ship #fun plots #Absolutely obsessed with the fact that Hoshi Sato was a freaking university professor at age 22 #and that she ran a gambling ring #also I love Trip Tucker #He's my special little guy #I love T'Pol too #if I had more room I would have made Phlox memes too because Phlox Rocks #Star Trek Enterprise #enterprise #Captain Archer #Trip Tucker #T'Pol #Malcolm Reed #Hoshi Sato #travis merriweather #Shran #Soval #Admiral Forrest

[bulkhummus]

do you understand how this rewired my fucking brain ….. they were grad students together…….carlos cant remember decades…we were both trying to prove ourselves… lubelle will march over anything and anyone…… cecils swiss cheese brain ….

#everyone worried about carlos……. enough to go looking for him #im was trying to find connections between dr. kayali in 55 and janet #kayali knew carlos as a professor who disappeared on sabbitical #lubelle knew carlos as a fellow grad student #dr blake knows carlos as someone who made an impact long enough at the university that his portrsit was both hung and taken down #he also took over carlos’ role as lubelles right hand man (implied by cecil stating it ) #which means either carlos was not telling the full truth and extent of his relationship to lubelle (highly likely) #or its a time and memory weirdness #but i keep thinking about the line we were young and trying to prove ourselves…….. #it sounds so unnecessarily foreboding to me like whatd they get up to what did they do #that made carlos question her ethics #i bet they were rewarded for it #i bet it ate him up inside sitting atop of an achievement that was ethically shakey for years #until he has a break down and dips #also so egotisical that she sets up a campus in town lol and makes herself the dean #on top of sacred ground #kayali said he was gone for decades…… so funny how decades keep haunting carlos what does it mean what DOES IT MEAN #wtnv #welcome to night vale

[cookiwi-octonauts]

KWAZII FOR AN AU IDEA ASUBAHVHK

Known for his adventurous and daredevil behaviour Kwazii "The Untamed" is recognised as fiercest pirate in the seven seas 🌊

But he is still silly lovely and helps the creatures in danger obviously

#basically is an au where the Manitoba never crashed so the Octonauts didn't join together as a team #I still have to polish the ideas for the others tho #Dashi would still be with Ryla as a cave photographer #the Cap and Tweak would still be sailing on the ship I guess #Inkling would be professor in his hometown undersea #Shellington would still be with his group of otters #DID YOU KNOW that a group of otters at land is a romp and in the water is a raft? #Maybe he could have met the vegimals when they were floating at sea because I want him with his kids in every universe #and peso would work as a local medic for the penguin colony #oh yes #octonauts #the octonauts #octonauts fanart #kwazii #octonauts au

[rainbowpufflez]

Arceus watching in distress as another version of Sycamore decides to take the, “be in a toxic relationship with Lysandre for a bit” option instead of the, “ability to mega evolve/be good at poke-battling” option

#in every universe Sycamore is presented two options #and each time Arceus gets a little more disappointed /j #now I’m not saying that Sycamore can mega evolve/poke battle well in the anime because he’s not fucking Lysandre #but I’m not NOT saying that’s the reason #anime Sycamore is the strongest version of him #give it up for him folks! #as far as I’m aware the manga version is the weakest of him #Mans MET Lys for the first time and immediately folded #Pokemas version is on thin ice too but yknow /hj #professor sycamore pokémon #professor sycamore #sycamore pokemon #can I tag this as perfectworldshipping? #cause i mean like it is it’s not even a little bit implied 💀 #it is full on perfworldshipping in here but idk #fuck it I’m tagging it #perfectworldshipping #rainbowpufflez rambles

[funkyjeans]

au where they stay married, dont obsess over their research, and begrudgingly become professors at the academy

sada teaches ancient pokemon paleobiology turo teaches information technology

#theyre so TIRED #sada's classroom is the one that you go to during your lunch and you just hang out with her the whole time #turo's classroom ALWAYS has the lights dimmed and he (probably) will let you nap in there during your free period #they also sabotage each other's lessons OFTEN #probably hear them screaming across the academy at each other #au #lakehouseshipping #alternate universe #pokemon #pokemon scarlet #pokemon violet #pokemon s/v #professor sada #professor turo #sada #turo #professor sada x professor turo #sada x turo #[funkyart]

[severussnapemylove]

Just imagine, Severus waking up in the morning and bolting upright thinking "I'm late for class!!" then realising "Wait, I'm 21 years old." and laying back down and starting to doze before bolting back upright with "Bloody hell, I'm the teacher!!!!!"

#Being a teacher would have taken so much adjustment time #He's way to tired for this #severus snape #harry potter universe #pro severus snape #pro snape #professor snape

[brambletakato]

i keep thinking about that one discussion i had with some friends over the fact that professor layton could very well be a secretive low-magic setting . like if the azran did exist and got destroyed, there was still the planet and the biology that was left behind. Which very quickly goes into alternative biology, which then leaves room to believe that some of the unintentionally superhuman feats in the professor layton universe are related to that in some way. its nothing obvious like Superman or Spiderman levels, but it's in the small things that are just seen as normal

I would've chalked it up to just cartoonish physics if not for Luke being able to talk to animals and that being inheritable via genetics, because like. Come on.

#professor layton #idk im just rambling #and i kept thinking about this when calculating descole's jumps #actually id love to make like... a ''magic list'' #like the magic portrayed so far in the professor layton universe #maybe even powerscaling for shits and giggles #already descole is pretty op with the amount of stuff he can do #''if there is magic why haven't they noticed it?'' why should they? #for all they know its just a part of them #it only becomes ''magic'' when its abnormal-- these abilities are instead percieved as completely mundane if not impressive at most #but i AM calling it magic from an outside-universe perspective