I'm so sad about Sejanus Plinth.
Little Sejanus, who gets ripped from his District because his father fought for the Capitol in a war he barely remembers, because his ma wanted to give him a chance in life, to keep him away from the danger that awaited the district kids.
And yet Sejanus Plinth remembers, he has District 2 in his blood, etched in his soul. The first Hunger Games happen when he's seven, and he's horrified, and everyone around him is adamant that they're necessary, that the districts deserve it, that its a reminder of everything theyve lost to them.
He avoids the Reaping, but year by year he has the impending thought, the one that's all consuming: "it could've been me".
His old neighbours die in the Hunger Games, and he doesn't know all of them but he does remember some faces. He wishes he didn't.
He has to grow up in the Capitol feeling like he's going crazy or that he's the only sane one, and he misses a home he can't come back to. No one likes him in the Academy, because he's District and because he's got a good heart, which in the Capitol often means you're not in your right mind.
So he's alone.
He only has Ma Plinth, because his father stopped feeling like his father the first time he sat him down in front of the TV and turned on the Hunger Games' bloodbath, when he grabbed his little chin and forced him to look as children killed each other "This is the world we live in now, Sejanus" he had said "We have to live with it".
From that day onward, Strabo Plinth was no more than a stranger in his home, so now he only has his Ma.
His Ma and Coriolanus Snow.
He would be so lonely, all of his classmates snarling at him and talking behind his back. He would try to be nice, too, like his Ma told him to. He would try for them to like him, to be a part of the group, to have friends. But his classmates were too prideful, too cruel.
Until Coriolanus came along. Until he offered a helping hand, and Sejanus grabbed it like a man in the dessert would grab a water bottle, desperate, aching for friendship, camaraderie. Maybe it was because he was so lonely that he didn't see the red flags. Maybe Snow was too good at concealing them. Maybe Sejanus Plinth needed to believe that there was someone good in the Capitol, that he wasn't the odd one out.
And he died because of it. He died because he was lonely and craved a friend, and because he trusted him so much, because he was so sure that he was good that he was unable to see any other possibility.
Sejanus Plinth called for Coriolanus before he was walked to his death. When he was about to be hanged, he called for his Ma. Because to him, in the world, he only had two people, and one was his mother.
The other was his murderer.
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#19.3 Unravel
It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.
Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.
They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.
Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"
Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"
"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"
"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."
"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"
"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."
"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.
Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.
"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"
Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arms ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday.
Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.
Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"
"There's always a chance–"
"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."
Grace fell silent and went still.
Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"
"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"
"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.
Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."
"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.
Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"
"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.
Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."
Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.
"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."
Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.
Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.
Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.
Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."
Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.
When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.
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modern got au in which asha is a "teen parent"
or more accurately, asha and theon have a much larger age gap, 10/15-ish years, type of age gap (she's at least 18/19 and theon's only like 4/5), and in a series of freak events, their lives are turned on its head.
their brothers were dead. their mother and father were ruled incompetent, the former left a shell of herself after the loss of her sons, no longer able to care for her remaining children, the latter was never a father to begin with and he didn't seem to have any wish to become one now.
she was an adult by law, meaning she was free from the hell that was the system. her kid brother - the one who smiled at her for seemingly no reason, the one who crawled into her bed when thunder rattled the house, the brother who held her hand on their rare family outings - was not.
she couldn't leave him there, even if she wanted to, even if it would make her life so much easier. she wouldn't abandon him like the rest of their shitty family. he was blood for fucks sake, she'd die before she let's him get taken away from her and given away to strangers to be used and exploited or treated like a shelter puppy to be pitied and fawned over.
cue asha fighting for custody of her baby brother, doing whatever it takes to be deemed a suitable guardian, and the two of them taking on the world together.
more thoughts:
they have to find an apartment cause they can't afford to keep their family home. moving into the cheapest place they can find with only the stuff they can fit in asha's truck, sharing an air matress and eating off of a coffee table while watching movies they rented from the library.
asha cleaning her brother up before his first day at his new school, trying to get him to look suitable, but not really knowing what suitable means for a kid going into kindergarten/first grade
theon comforting his sister when she gets overwhelmed with it all, doing his best to ease her tears. the night ending with them both curled around each other, just two scared little kids trying their best.
asha fighting anyone she has to to keep custody of theon, whether it be the social worker, the judge, people who called cps to report her. she doesn't care, no one will take away her baby brother.
asha taking theon to work with her (she works in a boat shop cause she already knows what she's doing) and having to keep him entertained while she works so they don't get sent home.
their first christmas/birthdays by themselves. theon putting together gifts at school (finger paintings or paper mache or something of the like) and asha cherishing it forever. asha spending all the money left to her name each time to get him something nice so eh can feel like a normal kid.
theon doing sports in school (little league or something) and asha making sure she goes to every damn game, being the loudest in the stands.
asha getting more and more used to being physically affectionate with her brother at time goes on. before everything she'd tense up when he'd hug her legs or hold her hand, but now she scoops him up like a rag doll, ruffles his hair, kisses his forehead, without a second thought.
{I'm so normal about them I swear}
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