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bibbawrites · 3 years

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Beach Baby - Single Dad!Charlie x Owen

THIS IS PART 4 OF THE SINGLE DAD!CHARLIE SERIES YOU CAN READ PART 1 HERE , THE PREQUEL (PART 2) HERE AND PART 3 HERE

Request: none

Word Count: 3907 words 😳

Summary: Part 4 of Single Dad!Charlie, Margaux and Charlie reunite with Owen in Hawaii after months apart due to lockdown, just in time for Margaux’s fourth birthday

Warnings: technically underage drinking, i guess technically i have to warn that this is implied mutual crushing between owen and charlie, if you dont feel comfortable with romantic chowen do not read

A/N: i couldn’t get this out of my head so i had to write it, and boy did i write it this is the longest non-chaptered fic ive ever written and honestly i could have made it longer but i didnt want it to drag on any more that it already did this is literally more than double the length of my normal fics, i got very carried away

also just a note that i’m not trying to be rude about the fans who met the boys at the airport and i’m sure in real life the boys were happy to stop and chat, but from a parents perspective charlie’s first instinct would be to protect his daughter so i just thought i’d add that. please don’t get upset for that part!

sorry for any mistakes, its 4am and im half asleep trying to read through this to post lol anyways, hope you enjoy!

Tag List: @happinessinthedarkesttimes @littlemissaddict @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic @headheartbellarke @lovesanimals @bartok-the-magnificent @juliefromaustralia @multi-universe21 @rangerelik @kaitieskidmore1 @katrina765 @fandomxreaders @ifilwtmfc

“Papa!” Margaux screamed, racing across the airport to Owen, the blond boy scooping up the nearly four year old and spinning her around when she reached him.

“Maggie! I’ve missed you so much.” Owen exclaimed, pulling his mask down to pepper her cheeks with kisses, causing Margaux to giggle loudly. “Where’s your Daddy?”

“Right behind you.” Owen spun around to find Charlie standing there, clearly smiling at him despite the bandana that covered his mouth, and Owen’s heart skipped a beat at how good Charlie looked in the early morning sun streaming through the airport windows.

Meanwhile Charlie was thinking the exact same thing, admiring how attractive Owen was, especially when he was in his dad mode. He really understood why girls had such a weakness for cute boys with cute kids when he saw Owen with Margaux.

Charlie stepped forward, pulling Owen into a tight hug and Margaux whined in complaint at being squished between her dad and her self declared papa. They pulled away from each other, both boys fighting to hide their slightly flushed cheeks.

“I’m hungry.” Margaux whined, and Charlie was snapped out of his heart eyes daze, his whole focus back on his daughter.

“Let’s get some food into you before our plane leaves then eh.” He replied, and Margaux nodded happily.

Feeling bold Owen grabbed onto Charlie’s hand, lacing their fingers together. It wasn’t unusual for them to do this but it was the first time doing it when they were well known enough that someone might recognise them. But neither of them really cared. They were just happy to be back together again.

The minute they arrived in Hawaii they were met with fans. As much as he loved meeting the fans Charlie couldn’t help but sigh slightly as he tried to protect Margaux as much as he could.

It wasn’t that the fans didn’t know about Margaux, because it was a well known fact that he was a single dad, it was more that he wanted to keep her away from the spotlight. She hadn’t asked for her dad to become a well known actor, and she didn’t deserve to have her life changed because of it. He was determined to give her the most normal life possible.

Eventually they made it to the villa house that they were staying in while in Hawaii, and after throwing their bags into their rooms it was time to have a bit of fun.

“Swim time swim time!” Margaux sung, running laps around the living room. Kenny chuckled at the small girl, looking up at Charlie who was following closely behind her.

“It seems like only yesterday she was a tiny two year old who cried every time you left her side.” He said, and Charlie smiled fondly, sitting down on the chair next to Kenny.

“She’s growing up too fast.” He agreed. “I can’t believe in less than 24 hours time I’ll be a dad to a four year old.”

Margaux tripped on the tiles, landing with a clatter, her bottom lip jutting out. Charlie jumped up, but before he could even think about moving across the room Owen was by Margaux’s side, helping her up and pulling her into a tight hug. He whispered something in her ear and Margaux giggled loudly, her fall already forgotten.

Charlie smiled softly at the scene, his heart filled with love for both the blond boy and his little princess.

“Daddy.” Margaux called, snapping Charlie out of his daze.

“Yeah baby?” He answered, finally making his way across the room.

“Can we swim now?” She asked, grabbing onto his leg. Charlie subconsciously ran his hand through her soft curls.

“Of course we can.” He replied. Margaux glanced up at Owen.

“Papa too?” She questioned.

“Papa too.” Charlie agreed. Margaux peered past him, her gaze landing on Kenny.

“Coming Uncle Kenny?” She asked, and Kenny laughed, standing up.

“Coming Little Gillespie.” He replied.

Margaux smiled contently, taking both Charlie and Owen’s hands to pull them outside towards the pool.

She really did have every single one of them wrapped around her little finger.

Dinner that night was special, as it was supposed to be Carolynn’s last day on the island. They decided on a joint party for her last night, as well as celebrating Margaux’s birthday a day early.

They had headed to a tiny restaurant near their villa, and Charlie had allowed Margaux to pick whatever she wanted from the menu, not that it mattered because she chose chicken nuggets and chips anyways.

The meal was nice, and before they knew it they were arriving back at the villa. Jeremy, Carolynn and Kenny all excused themselves for bed, and Tori settled into the couch, flicking the TV on.

“Bath and bed time baby.” Charlie told Margaux, and she pouted but obeyed, following him into the hallway.

“Hey Char, can I ask you something?” Owen asked, trailing behind the father daughter duo, and Charlie stopped, letting Margaux run ahead to their room.

“Anything.” He smiled.

“Do you mind if I share your room? I know the other bed was meant to be for Margaux but-” Owen started, playing with his fingers slightly.

“She can share with me.” Charlie cut him off. “Bed’s all yours.” Owen looked up, his eyes widening.

“Really?” He checked.

“Of course.” Charlie smiled. Owen grinned, throwing his arms around Charlie’s neck.

“Thanks Char. I just didn’t really want to sleep alone.” He admitted, and Charlie squeezed him tight.

“Any time.” He told Owen, and the blond boy pulled away with a smile, before heading off to the room he was originally going to stay in to collect his bags.

Charlie entered the room that he and Margaux, and now Owen, were sharing, finding his daughter already snuggled into one of the beds, still wearing her dinner clothes. Charlie sighed, moving to pull her out of the bed. Owen entered the room, bags in tow, and Margaux looked up at him excitedly.

“Papa! Are you sleeping here?” She questioned. Owen placed his bags in the corner before answering.

“I am Miss Maggie.” He said, and Margaux cheered.

“You don’t mind sleeping with Daddy?” Charlie checked, and Margaux shook her head, jumping up to throw her arms around Charlie’s neck.

“Nope! More cuddles!” She stated. Charlie laughed, picking her up.

“Exactly right. Now, it’s bath time.” He said, grabbing Margaux’s pyjamas as she clung to him.

“Bye Papa!” Margaux called as Charlie moved to leave the room. Owen waved.

“Bye Maggie!” He replied, matching her enthusiasm. Charlie couldn’t help but smile.

Margaux was so lucky to have someone like Owen in her life. They both were.

“Daddy! Wake up!” Margaux screamed, jumping on top of Charlie. He groaned, squinting as he looked up at his daughter.

“What time is it?” He mumbled. Owen sat up in his own bed, grabbing his phone to check the time.

“4:47am.” He informed Charlie, his voice thick with sleep. Charlie tried to ignore how sexy Owen’s morning voice was, instead focusing on his daughter.

“Mags it’s too early to be awake.” He told her. Margaux pouted, flopping down on top of him.

“Daddy, it’s my birthday!” She exclaimed. Charlie smiled, kissing her cheek.

“I know baby, happy birthday. Now can we sleep for a little bit?” He tried. Margaux thought for a moment.

“Only if Papa comes here too.” She decided.

Charlie’s eyes widened slightly, eyes fixed on Owen as the younger boy sleepily slid out of his bed with no hesitation, and into Charlie’s, snuggling into Charlie’s side the minute he laid down. Margaux squirmed her way under the covers, squishing herself in between the two of them.

Charlie shut his eyes in an attempt to get back to sleep, but it was no use. He opened his eyes again, staring up at the ceiling, as Margaux slept soundly next to him.

His mind was racing, noticing every single little place where Owen’s warm skin was in contact with his. It felt like he was on fire.

“Stop thinking.” Owen mumbled, and Charlie turned his head to see Owen staring at him, his eyes half shut with sleep.

“How did you know?” He questioned. Owen gave him a small smile.

“I always know. Whatever it is, just ignore it for now. Get some sleep, it’s gonna be a big day.” Owen whispered. Charlie paused for a moment, just staring at Owen in the dim light from Margaux’s nightlight. Even half asleep in the almost complete darkness of the room Owen still looked gorgeous. Charlie swallowed.

“You’re right. Thanks O.” He replied.

“Love you.” Owen yawned in response, his eyes shutting again. Charlie smiled softly, moving his hand to brush a bit of Owen’s hair off his face.

“I love you too Owen.” He replied, despite the fact that the younger boy was already asleep. He pressed a soft kiss to Owen’s head, and lowered his voice to no more than a whisper.

“More than I probably should.”

After what felt like no time at all Charlie was being shaken awake again.

“Daddy is it time to get up now?” Margaux questioned, sitting on his chest. Charlie yawned.

He reached over and checked his phone. It was just after 6:30am.

“Okay we can get up. But we’re gonna leave Papa to sleep a little bit more, okay?” Charlie compromised. Margaux thought for a moment before agreeing. Charlie grinned, sliding the both of them out of the bed careful not to wake Owen. Once they were out of the bed Charlie lifted Margaux up, placing her on his hip. He pressed a soft kiss to her temple.

“Now. Let’s go make some birthday pancakes.”

“Happy birthday Little Gillespie.” Jeremy sung, entering the kitchen with Carolynn close behind him.

Margaux grinned, her mouth full of pancake.

“Thank you!” She exclaimed, her words muffled by her food. Carolynn stepped past Jeremy, moving to place a gentle kiss on Margaux’s head and whisper to her. Margaux grinned before looking up at her father.

“Hey Daddy?” She spoke. Charlie made a noise in response.

“Yeah?” He said, flipping pancakes onto a plate for both Jeremy and Carolynn.

“Do you think the birthday fairy could found me here?” Margaux questioned, her eyes full of hope. Charlie couldn’t help but smile, not even bothering to correct her words, as he placed the pan down.

“Should we go find out?” He asked. Margaux’s eyes widened in excitement.

“Yeah! But first we have to get Papa.” She decided. Charlie nodded.

“You wanna go wake him up? Tell him we made him some pancakes?” He asked, and Margaux grinned, already sliding out of her chair.

“Okay Daddy!” She replied, before rushing out of the room. The room fell silent for a few moments before Carolynn cleared her throat.

“So Charlie...” She raised an eyebrow. “How long have you been in love with Owen?”

Charlie choked on his coffee.

“I’m sorry, what?” He spluttered. Carolynn grinned.

“You heard me.” She said. Charlie hesitated.

“I’m not-” He stopped. “I-”

He groaned. There was no use denying it if clearly he was obvious enough that his friends had figured him out.

“Since filming.” He admitted. Carolynn cheered.

“You owe me $20.” She told her husband, who glared at Charlie.

“You just had to admit it, huh?” Jeremy shook his head, and Charlie shrugged, a small smile on his face.

“Admit what?” Owen’s voice came from behind them, deep from sleep, and Charlie took a sip of his coffee to try to distract himself. Owen always looked good but in the early morning light, his hair still a mess from sleeping, he looked ethereal. Charlie bit his lip to stop himself from staring.

“Nothing important.” Carolynn replied, and Charlie shot her a thankful look.

“Can we see if the birthday fairy visited now?” Margaux sighed, clearly impatient. They all laughed.

“Of course baby.” Charlie told her, standing up. He grabbed the plate of pancakes he had made for Owen, handing them to the younger boy as he passed him.

Margaux lead the way to the living area where Kenny and Tori were already sat waiting, squealing with excitement when she saw the small pile of presents on the table.

“They came!” She exclaimed, and Charlie couldn’t help but smile, ruffling her hair affectionately.

Margaux settled down on the couch as everyone spread out around the room, and one by one she opened the presents, eyes widening with excitement at every single one.

Charlie had gotten her a few dolls that he knew she had been wanting, plus some new clothes, books and other toys.

Jeremy and Carolynn had gotten her a small paint set with a Frozen paint by numbers.

Kenny had gotten her a tiny version of the Sunset Curve shirt that the cast had all received.

Tori had gotten her a little lilac tutu.

Madi, Jadah and Savannah had sent their presents, some handmade earrings, little stud versions of the ghost drawings that Carolynn had created from Madi, a small pair of overalls from Savannah, and a colouring book from Jadah.

But her absolute favourite gift had come from Owen, a tan coloured bear from Build-A-Bear that he had dressed like Luke, and the clothes to change the bear into Reggie, Alex and Julie if she wanted to.

After hugs all round the group decided to go their own ways, with Kenny heading off to spend the day relaxing, and Tori, Jeremy and Carolynn going to the beach to sunbathe since Carolynn’s flight had been delayed.

“Where do you want to go today birthday girl?” Charlie asked, as he and Owen collected the pile of gifts to move them back to their room.

Margaux frowned in thought, the bear still grasped in her arms.

“Hiking.” She decided, and Charlie laughed. She was definitely his daughter.

“You sure? We can do whatever you want to do.” He checked. Margaux nodded, her attention focused on her new clothes that Charlie had placed on the bed to fold later.

“I’m sure.” She said, reaching for the Sunset Curve shirt and overalls. “Can I wear this?”

“Of course you can.” Charlie agreed.

“I’m gonna have a quick shower.” Owen said, grabbing some clothes out of his bag. Charlie nodded, focused on helping Margaux change out of her pyjamas into her new clothes.

“Do you think we can have some time tonight just you and me?” Charlie asked once Margaux was dressed, moving to grab her hairbrush and some hair ties.

“Yes please Daddy.” Margaux agreed, sitting on the edge of the bed as Charlie sat behind her.

“We could go get dinner just the two of us, and then come back here for birthday cake.” He suggested. Margaux frowned, clearly thinking.

“Is it chocolate cake?” She asked after a moment, and Charlie paused from brushing her hair to kiss the top of her head.

“You’ll have to wait and see.” He teased. Charlie finished tying her hair up into two little space buns, not quite proper buns but as close as he could get with her shortish hair.

“I hope it’s chocolate cake. I love chocolate cake.” She giggled, standing up on the bed and turning around to hug her father. Charlie wrapped his arms around her, a gesture that was so safe and familiar.

“Me too baby, me too.” He agreed. Margaux snuggled her head into his shoulder.

“Is Papa coming hiking?” She questioned. Charlie grinned to himself.

“Do you want him to come?” He asked. Margaux didn’t even hesitate.

“Yes.”

“Then I’m sure he’d love to come.” Charlie assured her. She pulled away. looking him in the eyes. Charlie had always loved that she had gotten his eyes.

“Do I ask him?” She said, eyes wide. Charlie struggled to contain a laugh at how serious she looked.

“When he comes back, yeah.” He nodded.

“When who comes back?” Owen asked, re-entering the room. Margaux jumped up, throwing herself at the 20 year old. He lifted her up with no hesitation.

“Are you gonna come hiking?” Margaux asked, her bottom lip jutting out in a pleading way.

“Of course I am. Wouldn’t want to miss spending time with my two favourite people.” Owen grinned, kissing her nose causing her to giggle. Charlie’s heart skipped a beat at the declaration that he was one of Owen’s favourite people.

“Yay! Can we go now?” Margaux turned in Owen’s arms to face her father. He nodded, standing up from the bed.

“Shoes, and then we can go.” He said, and Margaux squirmed her way out of Owen’s arms to go find her running shoes.

Charlie exchanged a look with Owen, the both of them thinking the same thing.

It was going to be a long day.

Hiking with a just turned four year old was exhausting, even despite them choosing the easiest possible trail so that she wouldn’t have any issues.

It was fine at first, Margaux excitedly looking at the plants and trying to spot any animals in the trees, but after about twenty minutes she got bored and tired, and Charlie and Owen spent the rest of the hike passing her back and forth between the two of them.

Finally they made it back to the villa, and after a quick stop for lunch Margaux was recharged and ready for the rest of the day.

“Can we swim?” She asked. Charlie nodded.

“We’ll go and get changed, and then we can go in the pool for a while until we have to get ready for dinner, okay?” He suggested.

“Okay Daddy.” Margaux smiled sweetly.

After quickly changing into their swimmers, Charlie, Margaux and Owen ended up in the pool, Jeremy and Carolynn lounging nearby.

They swam for a few hours until Margaux got thirsty, and with a promise of apple juice she and Charlie climbed out of the pool leaving Owen to go sit with the Shada’s.

Charlie walked inside the villa, finding Kenny sat at the kitchen bench reading while Tori lounged on one of the couches, staring at her phone.

“Why don’t we do cake now, so that you don’t have to worry about rushing home?” Kenny spoke up, as Charlie manoeuvred through the kitchen to get the apple juice out, Margaux clinging to his chest like a baby koala.

“That’s a good idea. Do you want to do your birthday cake now Mags?” Charlie asked his daughter, pouring her some apple juice. She sipped on the juice, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah!” She exclaimed. Charlie smiled.

“Okay, can you go get Papa, Aunty Care and Uncle Jer for me?” He asked, placing her down. She nodded eagerly, handing her cup of juice to him before rushing outside to where Owen, Jeremy and Carolynn were still sat.

Charlie grabbed the cake out of the fridge and placed it on the bench, before putting the four candles in, and grabbing a lighter.

“Have you seen my camera Kenny?” He asked, and Kenny just pointed to the end of the bench where the camera was sitting. Charlie smiled gratefully, grabbing the camera.

“Want me to take photos?” Tori offered, and Charlie nodded, handing her the camera.

Margaux re-entered the room, Owen and the Shada’s following close behind her, and when she reached her father he lifted her up. Kenny took the lighter, lighting the candles on the cake and together they sung Happy Birthday to Margaux, Tori snapping photos as the four year old blew out her candles.

Charlie held Margaux close to him as Kenny divided the cake up, thankful that he had such an amazing family to spend his little girl’s birthday with.

When Charlie and Margaux made it back to the villa after their dinner that night, the newly four year old was ready to fall asleep. Charlie carried her to bed, silently thanking his past self for deciding to give her a bath and do her birthday cake before they went to dinner because now all he had to do was change her into her pyjamas.

He changed her quickly seeing that she was almost asleep, and tucked her into the bed.

“Did you have a good birthday baby?” Charlie asked softly, settling down next to his daughter.

Margaux just nodded in response.

“That’s good.” Charlie ran a hand through her curls. “Goodnight baby girl.”

“Big girl.” Margaux mumbled sleepily. Charlie smiled, leaning down and kissing her head.

“You might be a big girl now but you’ll always be my baby girl.” He whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you too Daddy.” Margaux replied, her eyes already shut and her arms wrapped tightly around her new bear. Charlie stood up slowly and headed to the door, leaving it open a crack for a little bit of light to shine in.

He paused for a moment, just taking in the reality that Margaux was already four years old, and that she was growing up too fast. With one last look at the door he made his way down the hallway and outside to where he knew Owen was waiting.

“She’s asleep.” He announced, flopping down on the outdoor sofa next to Owen.

“I’m not shocked, she’s had a big day.” Owen replied, handing Charlie a cold beer that he had clearly gotten for him. Charlie took it thankfully, taking a large swig.

“Can you believe that she’s four already? It feels like she was only just born and I was waking up to find out that her mother was gone and that it was only me and her. It was terrifying at the time, but looking back I wouldn’t change it for the world.” He rambled. Owen rested his head on Charlie’s shoulder and Charlie wrapped his arm around the younger boy, pulling him closer.

“You should be proud of yourself Char. You’ve done an amazing job.” Owen complimented, snuggling closer to Charlie as he took a mouthful of his beer.

“You think so?” Charlie questioned. Owen nodded against his shoulder.

“I know so.” He sat up. “Margaux is the most well behaved kid I’ve ever met, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her misbehave once in all the time I’ve known her. She’s an amazing kid and it’s all because she has the most amazing father.”

“Thank you.” Charlie whispered, suddenly realising how close Owen was to him. He could feel Owen’s warm breath on his lips, and he found himself leaning in, the urge to kiss Owen overtaking his entire being. His lips brushed against Owen’s ever so slightly, but before they could properly commit to the kiss they were interrupted.

“Hey, we’re gonna play...” Tori’s voice came and they jumped apart quickly. She trailed off, eyeing them carefully. “Were you two about to kiss?”

Charlie cleared his throat. Owen’s eyes widened.

“Uh... no?” Owen lied. Tori shot them a suspicious look but clearly decided against pushing.

“Right... well we’re gonna play Cards Against Humanity if you want to join us.” She told them, before turning and heading back inside. Neither Charlie nor Owen moved, the silence was deafening. Finally Owen spoke.

“Sorry.” He muttered quickly, before standing up and rushing inside. Charlie groaned, watching him leave, the feeling of Owen’s lips still lingering on his own.

“Fuck.” He sighed, downing the last of his beer before standing up to join the rest of the group inside.

He would have to deal with the Owen situation later.

#single dad!charlie #single dad!charlie x owen #charlie gillespie #owen joyner #owen patrick joyner #dad!charlie #chowen

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jawritter · 4 years

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Together

Request: Hey! Can I request a Jensen x reader where reader is pregnant. Plot is like can you write experience in like 3rd or 4th month? Everyday Jensen stays with reader in bathroom when she had morning sickness. Then goes with her for vitamin shots. Reader panics in the doctors room, so doctor lefts so that Jensen will calm her down. He stays with her through full experience, then time gap and direct delivery room experience? Where reader curses Jensen but they have a son and everything's lovey again❤️

Warnings: Angst I guess? Stressed Reader, Reader in labor, shameless misuse of pregnancy and labor terms probably, even though I’ve had two kids I’m no doctor. lol. Language, fluff, I think that’s it.

Word Count: 1867

Beta’d by @deanwanddamons! Thanks so much hun!! ❤️

A/N: I hope this is okay anon!! It’s a little different from the request, but that's the way I saw it in my head lol. Every pregnancy is different guys! This is a fictional one shot! Not everyone needs the things the reader had to have in this fic! Also it doesn't matter how the baby gets here! Moms are power, strong, and awesome beings who deserve to be treated like the Gods they are!! Feedback is gold guys! Let me know what you think! Hope you all enjoy this one!! Flashbacks are broken off in sections, and in italics!

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

“Okay, calm down Y/n,” you say to yourself as you pace the floor of your bedroom, waiting on Jensen to get there so that you could go to the hospital. Your phone is held out in front of you, the contraction counting app on your phone informing you that your contractions had in the last hour gone from 7 to 10 minutes apart, to 3 to 4 minutes apart.

You had already called your doctor, and they said it was a good idea for you to go ahead and leave for the hospital. The only problem was, Jensen wasn’t there yet, and you were starting to panic.

He was filming late tonight. Even though he said in the text message he’d just sent that he’d be there in 10 minutes, you could feel the worry grip you tight in your chest.

10 minutes…

That’s at least two, maybe three more contractions on your own without him.

They were getting stronger in length and intensity, to the point where you had to breathe through them, and also had to stop your pacing.

You could already feel the beginnings of the next contraction. The uncomfortable tightening in your stomach letting you know it was coming, increasing in discomfort as the contraction peaked.

You tried to remember the breathing exercises you had learned in the birthing classes, and you knew that the contractions were only going to get a lot stronger, that this was just the beginning.

You wanted to try and have a completely natural, drug free delivery.

Well it seemed like a good idea at the time, but as the strongest contraction you have had so far peaked , you were starting to rethink the whole epidural thing.

Picking up your phone as your contraction started to ease up, you pressed the pause button on your phone counter and hurriedly dialed Jensen’s number, needing to hear his voice more than anything else right now. Your anxiety gripped at you tighter and tighter with each passing second.

“Baby, I’m on my way, five more minutes and I’ll be there, just hang tight okay.” Jensen’s voice came through the speaker, calm and deep as always. The man had a resolve of fucking monk, and it got under your skin in ways you couldn’t even describe at the moment.

“That’s not fast enough Jensen! This baby is coming, and I’m here by myself, so fuck you, and don’t you tell me to fucking calm down!” you yell at him through the phone, hormones and adrenaline making you a little more snappy at him then you had ever been in your life.

“Babe, easy, don’t stress out the baby. I will be there in plenty of time. The bags are already packed, and waiting for us in the car, all we have to do is get in it and go. Everything is going to be just fine! Have I ever left you alone throughout this whole pregnancy? You're gonna be just fine sweetheart, I’m almost there.”

He was right, and you knew he was. You instantly felt bad for yelling at him.

He’d been with you through everything.

When the morning sickness didn’t let up in the 3rd month, but instead stretched on in the fourth month he was right there…

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Closing the toilet seat you flushed away the evidence of your morning sickness, and leaned your head back against the cool, porcelain of the bathtub next to you, taking deep breaths through your nose, trying to stave off the next wave of nausea that was already pulling at your senses.

“Easy sweetheart, deep breaths,” Jensen said, as he sat down on the tub, running his fingers through your hair, gathering it up and pulling it up into a ponytail for you, before placing a cool, damp rag on your face.

“They said the second trimester was supposed to be the good trimester Jay! All this morning sickness was supposed to be over by now!!”

You were not only sick, but frustrated . This pregnancy had been hard, and this was the sickest you had ever been in your life. In these moments, it was hard to keep sight of the goal, which was a healthy baby and just soldier through it. Especially when the sickness had lasted this long for you.

“Remember what the doctor said? All these pregnancy symptoms, the morning sickness, the headaches, the fatigue, it’s all a sign that the baby is healthy and growing. We got an appointment for tomorrow to check on everything. Right now, let’s just get something in your stomach so it will settle. I’ll go grab some crackers. That seemed to help some yesterday.”

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Jensen stayed on the phone with you until he got there, and true to his word everything was packed and ready to go.

He even had a towel on the seat waiting for you, just in case your water broke. You hadn’t even thought about that.

The ride to the hospital was quite uncomfortable, but it was nothing compared to the next 20 hours.

When you got to the hospital, the contractions were 3 to 2 minutes apart, they decided to keep you, since you were four centimeters dilated, and you were 100 % effaced.

From that point on, the contractions became almost intolerable, and just when you thought you couldn’t take anymore, they got even worse.

The only problem was you weren’t progressing.

You were still at 4 centimeters. The baby was still very high in positioning, and it just wasn’t going anywhere.

You had tried everything. Walking as much as you could, sitting on a birthing ball, peanuts pillows between your legs, everything. Nothing had helped!!

Now the doctors were talking about things that just weren’t in your birth plan. Epidurals, possible c-sections… Things you just didn’t want to do.

You were upset, you were exhausted, and you were angry, especially at Jensen.

“Baby girl, you’re so fucking amazing, and taking an epidoral will help not only you, but the baby rest as well. If your body can relax you can progress without the help of pitocin, and hopefully avoid a section.”

“Fuck you Jensen. You know this is not how I planned for this to go! How can you just suggest I just give up! You know how I feel about needles.”

There it was. The real reason you hated the idea of having the epidural. Your irrational fear of needles.

“Baby girl. Remember when you got really, really sick during this pregnancy? You had to go have those vitamin shots? They helped didn’t they? Baby, this will help to.Please, I don’t like seeing you in pain.”

Looking into his jade, slightly bloodshot eyes from exhaustion, you could see he was telling you the trust, that he was genuinely worried about you. He’d not slept any in over 48 hours, combined with work, and now this labor dragging on. Still, he never once complained.

Your mind drifted back to those vitamin shots he was talking about, and he was right, they did help.

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“Mrs. Ackles, you're going to have to stay calm. It’s not that bad of a shot, I promise you. You will barely even feel it.”

The doctor was quickly losing his patience with your hysterical state, and you could tell , but you people just don’t understand what it’s like to fear something so completely, that you can’t see past it the way you did about needles. Your anxiety didn’t help you either.

“Let me talk to her.” Jensen said, coming over to your side, and wrapping his arms around as you buried your face into his shoulder, body still shaking with the fear that was gripping you.

You heard the door to the room close , and you felt Jensen’s lips brush the top of your forehead. His strong hands rubbing up and down your back in an attempt to sooth you.

“Baby girl, it’s gonna be okay. This will help you, and the baby. If you're not well, the baby isn’t well either. He depends on you to get his nutrients. You both need this. It’s one little pinch and that’s it. Then you will feel so much better.”

“I know Jay. I’m just terrified, and I can’t calm down.”

Jensen tightened his grip around you, one large hand coming down over your stomach. A comforting, grounding weight in the midst of all your anxiety induced confusion.

“I’ll be right here the whole time.”

You heard the door open, and the doctor and nurse reentered the room.

“You just keep your face buried where it’s at, and it will be over before you know it. I’m not going to let anything hurt you, and I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“Okay.” you finally agreed to let them give you the vitamin shot. Burying your face closer into his shoulder, and breathing his scent in deeply.

----------------------------

The vitamin shot did help, and it wasn’t even that bad.

Your fears at the time were irrational, and you knew that was the case now.

It didn’t make you any less of a woman to have an epidural. It didn’t make you weak, or any less of a Mom, and you knew that. It was just your fear.

But Jensen was here, and he would always be here. Even though you had been hard on him, he was right here, and you knew he’d protect you with everything in you.

“Okay, okay, let’s do the epidural.” you said, almost in defeat. Jensen’s lips came to meet yours in a quick peck. Relief evident on his face.

“Okay baby girl. Let’s get you some relief.”

----------------------------------

The epidural wasn’t as near as bad as you thought, and it did allow not only your body to rest and progress, but also for Jensen, as well as you, to get about three hours of much needed sleep.

You were even well enough rested to go through the whole process of birth a little clearer, and not in as much pain. The two of you bringing your little miracle man in the world together.

Jensen never left your side throughout the whole delivery, and even now that he was here, sitting as close to you as possible with his arm thrown around your shoulders, holding the both of you as you nursed your new little miracle.

“You did it sweetheart. He’s perfect.” Jensen said, placing a kiss to the top of your head, lingering there longer than needed.

“No Jay. We did it together, and I’m sorry I was such a bitch during the delivery,” you told him, resting your head against his shoulders.

Jensen’s deep chuckle next to you made you smile a little, as he remembered some of the things labor made you say to him.

“If we ever have another one, I’m wearing a cup just to be on the safe side.”

You had never felt so close to him in all of your life. This had brought you both into a deeper level of love and respect. One that you didn’t even know existed.

No matter what you had to face raising this baby boy, you’d do it the way he came into this world.

Together.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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#jensen ackles #jensen ackles fanfic #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles x pregnant!reader #x pregnant!reader #jensen x reader #jensen x you #jensen x pregnant!reader #x reader inserts #spn #spn fanfic #jensen ackles one shot #jensen ackles drabble #jawritter

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just-anka · 3 years

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I realised I haven’t really regularly posted here since like... I don’t even know, September? It’s been a while, anyway. A lot happened, and I now feel like actually writing a post for the first time in a while, so here goes haha. The first bullet point is entirely work waffle so feel free to skip. Apologies in advance for the fact that this post will probably reach novel length by the time I’m done.

• I took a week off in late September before Ben started his new job so we could go to the mountains for a bit, and it was a much-needed little break from work. And pretty much right after I got back, work got completely mental - nothing bad as such, just one thing after the other, loads of deadlines, so many important things. First I was finishing up data for a paper (first authorship was being debated which is partially why I threw myself into the job so much, but it looks like it’ll be the PhD student before me’s now, which is how it should be tbh, it’s much more hers than it is mine), then the date for my first committee meeting was set and I suddenly had only two weeks to prepare (did not think it was going to be that short notice, whoops, had a very stressful two weeks but all went well - for us, this meeting means presenting our research plan and preliminary data to a committee of four professors so they can give you input, it’s not suuuper formal but still pretty stressful), then I had to write the report for that (I love writing so that one was okay), then there was suddenly a lot to do for a really important cooperation with a company (big money responsibility which stressed me the fuck out), and then, just as I thought I was pretty much done for the year, I realised I needed my lab book up to date for my end of year meeting with my PI (which wouldn’t be such a big deal, except I didn’t have a lab book at the time. Never got around to starting one. So nine months of lab book were written within another very stressful week). Whew. Even writing this out makes me feel like that was a lot haha.

• After the end of year discussion, I really was done for the year - I officially worked until the 23rd but there was not that much actual work happening, and with the pressure off after months, I properly crashed for a few days. Ben left for England on the weekend after to see his family for christmas etc, and I spent most of that weekend sleeping and doing very little. It was needed. Then my mum came to visit me for the holidays and we had four really lovely days together, also involving a lot of chilling (the only actual thing we did was that magical winter hike that I posted some pictures of the other day).

• And now I’m skiing! I was planning to go to England as well for NYE to see Ben’s family, but with the corona situation escalating again lately I decided it was too risky for just a few days. So I made a last-minute plan to go skiing by myself instead, because all that involves is a 2 hour train journey. I’m actually staying in a hotel too, which I’ve never done by myself before, I’m usually a dorm in a hostel type of person, but well. Covid has changed a lot of things :D trying to stay safe and away from people, which is of course not entirely possible in a ski resort, but it’s going okay. The skiing itself is great, it’s really nice having some time to go at my own pace and a few days in a row. Today was day 4 and I’ve really found my groove again (more on that later). There’s not much snow though so not many off-pisteing opportunities :/ I’m staying until Monday and then it’s back to work on Wednesday.

• Speaking of skiing, we’ve got season passes this year, my first season and Ben’s second. We’ve just been doing on the weekends so far - since the 21st of November I just realised while looking back in my calendar! That’s one hell of an early season start haha. We did just one day three weekends and then one full weekend right before Ben left. The first few days were bloody hard. For context, I learned to ski before I learned to walk and loved it as a child, then stopped for a few years because I felt like I wasn’t progressing anymore and was getting bored with it, basically. Then last January I went to France with Ben and his skiing friends and got introduced to freeriding and the idea of ski touring, and now I’m back to loving it haha. I’d ideally like to not have to resort ski anymore at one point (meaning touring) because I know it’s terrible from an environmental standpoint but... idk. It’s currently my only option, and I love it a lot, so I guess it feels okay? Anyway, since I learned to ski so early, it’s the one sport that I’ve always been pretty good at and like, never get scared, at least not on piste. Until this year. The first three individual days were just all kind of horrible, the conditions weren’t ideal with very hard surface and tons of ice and pretty busy slopes, and only steep terrain open as well (Engelberg, our “home” resort - we have a season pass that encompasses a bunch of resorts so we’re not limited to one - is literally dead flat beginner’s slopes, which weren’t open in the beginning, or red runs that should be black and black lol). Pairing loads of ice with my old skis which barely have an edge anymore was... not ideal. I was so scared constantly and it made me like I lost all my ability etc etc. But yeah, turns out I just needed a few days and some easier conditions to get back into it, and now ice and steep stuff and everything is fine again. Who would’ve thought. (a sensible person, probably).

• But then, the full weekend we skied in December was awesome! Saturday already felt much better and then it snowed a bunch over night and Sunday we spent all day powder skiing, basically. I learned SO much and just had an absolute ball! Definitely one of the best days skiing I’ve had, and one of the best days recently in general.

• Plus that whole weekend was just lovely, car camping in a campsite full of huge campervans was pretty fun :D I love the looks we get when people see the car and clearly wonder where we sleep. And we’ve got our setup perfected for winter now so both the nights were toasty. Friday night we had dinner in “bed” watching a movie, and Saturday night we sat in the little kitchen (the campsite has it open for everyone, but everyone else there has a camper, so it doesn’t seem to be used much) drinking tea and playing cards and ahh. Camping in the mountains. My ideal life eh? (though the weekend before this wonderful one, we got snowed in because it dumped over a metre over night completely unexpectedly and that was stressful as hell, but I think that’s a story for another day, if ever, I’m kind of trying to forget that day :’D)

• Yesterday I also finally took the plunge and ordered new skis. Been debating for ages which ones to get but I’ve finally decided and I’m now very excited!

• Ok this post so far reads as “work and skiing” which is pretty much what November and December were and probably what January is going to be too haha. Ben and I want to ski another week together end of January as well, and there’s some big exciting work things coming up as well.

• Even though I have to admit, now that I’m on a break, I’ve spent a lot of time dreading work and questioning my career choices and all of that lark... sigh. I love my job most of the time, but I kind of hate having a job? If that makes sense? Sometimes (okay a lot of the time) I just wish I had more time for other things that I care about. But I also now I’m lucky to have that job, especially this year, and lucky to have a job I don’t hate, and get to do a lot of fun stuff on the side, even if it often means little sleep and downtime.

• Speaking of things I care about, I was on a proper roll with writing for a few days before and after Christmas. It’s ebbed off again a bit, but it was still pretty cool, and my totally-useless-all-cheese-project is now 33,000+ words long and like, half-way there story wise. Had a lot of fun with that.

• Lastly, Ben is still in England, and he’s coming back next Sunday, and I can’t wait! I miss him so much when we’re not together it’s actually silly. Although it’s less stressful this time than the last few times because... we live together, his work just offered him an unlimited contract from January, and I’m stuck here for another 2-3 years, so it looks like we’ll actually get to be in the same place for now. Which is all I wished for last year, and I’m so damn grateful - that stability really is the best thing 2020 has brought for me. And, as he said, even though we were apart for the start of the new year, it will hopefully bring more time together than any previous year ♡

• Okay I think this is long enough now, if you actually made it until here you’re a hero and I will try and post a bit more regularly again now to avoid this size of mind dump :’D I hope you all got into the new year alright, it feels very strange to me that it’s 2021 because I actually slept through midnight on new year’s for the first time since I was tiny haha but I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way!

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shytiff · 3 years

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Small Dec Wins

i cant believe its December already tf?!?!?!

1 - poli KIA today. saw a mother who cant feel the movement of their baby. the senior midwife tried to find the baby’s heart beat but not finding it. she said she hopes she were wrong. fell asleep at 3pm-ish, woke up super hungry. ate. i swear i feel like my weight when i measured it this morning was ~52, but after eating its close to 54 lol. eating banana and chocolate nextar is yummm. dalbang today is hella funny as always and suuper endearing. fell asleep after dalbang, didnt study hufttt

2 - today im at igd but joined azkia at vk for a bit to see partus. its not that im scared (maybe not consciously) but when the mom was being stitched i felt lightheaded, nausea, cold extremities, and i even had to squat multiple times because i couldnt stand. But i felt better after the partus so maybe seeing it was the cause. I did not feel scared at all honestly ._. and i’ve seen multiple partus before. i dont know why. i can literally feel my symphatetic tone giving out lmaoo. tried matcha latte with Cy matcha powder. it tasted more milky and grassy. mom thought it tasted like nori. i prever cocodeli alll the way (although Cy is cheaper). i think it also has a bit of caffeine that made me feel awake like a normal person should be.

3 - today is vk but there’s no patient so thank god i saw sumn yesterday. did some cicil ukmppd in the morning accompanied by matcha latte. tried to order dufan tickets and i couldnt find my damn ktp...... fell asleep after worrying about said ktp

4 - matcha latte in the car, swab at lmk, went to dufan by tj with willy, had quite some funn with atikah nila willy amel pupuy. first time trying kereta misteri, quite fun. it rained after ashar so we didnt ride anything after that. turns out my ktp was at barel’s fotocopy lmaoo thankyou ara for picking it. went to solaria ancol afterwards, picked up by mom. i didnt tell her in the morning that i was going to dufan lmao. plenary @ zoom 19 pm. rapat nemo. fell asleep.

5 - went to lmk by tj to surprise clara. went back home and fell asleep. didnt rly do anything afterwards because this ragged body gets tired easily and i dont eat much recently. i can feel the difference before and after eating and there’s actual energy after eating. its not that im hungry though, but i feel less energized. felt annoyed terrible and just wanna lay in bed (this is unrelated with the less food in my system). even though i met up with friends

6 - after LOTS of sleeping i feel somehow better but not to a ‘normal’ amount. watched kimbab family videos. did power vinyasa by doogether with fianti. took a shower and ate indomie and i felt quite normal, except i slept again wtf. i thought i would have the second half of the day but nah. did self tryouts with fianti, 150 FDI questions. I got 96/150 right. huft. such a great reality check

7 - poli lansia with dokter isip, matcha latte in the afternoon rly helps me not sleeping the day away, packed up for depok

8 - poli umum with dr gita (helped doing phys exam), packed the rest of my stuff, ate some risol and matcha lattteee in the car, took swab results, picked up hazmats etc, zoom discussion with FT PKM Kalideres (dr gita) on the way, and i finally arrived at tamel. dinner is granola with vsoy. Taste like a slightly wet granola bar, nutty fiber-y vibe

9 - walked in ui with ara, managed to jog from the trees near st ui until kuburan bikun wow. i reached that point where my leg and heart were going in a steady unburdened pace and my willpower to keep going on was tested. tried the signature steak in Double U Steak by Chef Widi, while ara tried ribeye. the ribeye was more tender than the signature. but the seasoning in the signature is quite delish, salty and oily without being too much (like futago ya). read poppyland fast pass from ara’s phone omg season 1 is finally complete! went to coftof (omgggg i miss this place), it looks different now. ordered matcha latte and it tasted weirdly like a soy milk although ara doesnt feel that way. the matcha tasted weird. wont repurchase. read chainsaw man, its so entertaining, funny and deep at the same time. denji mess around and be too naive sometimes but hes lowkey hot lmaooo. aki is lovvvvve.

10 - first day at rsud budhi asih. had moesli combined with granola + vsoy for brekkie. went back to tamel at 3 pm. it rained when i got back. bought warteg lugina worth 32k. walked to sbux for tumbler day its been a while since i had their matcha latte. it tasted quite good, but not as good as i remembered (?) maybe bcs i asked for non fat milk. sbux closes at 8 pm for now hikss

11 - left tamel at about 7:10 and arrived on budhi asih at 08:54 yalll the traffic. Icu. Bought eatlah double and ate the salted egg part. Nap. ICU discussion with dr Dedi @8pm. I presented from my phone to save data hehe,,

12 - woke up at 8, eatlah brown butter for brekkie, symcard, saladstop's caesar salad for lunch (quite 'eneg' because i didnt eat the cheese evenly so the chicken and cheese were eaten last after the vegs are out. The vegetable's not that variative, and the non vegs make the salad taste delicious (albeit maybe not THAT healthy). Evening jog @UI and i realized i can get wifi sitting near the lake n library. Stared at the night sky from my room, i swear the sky seems super clear. Saw tiny fireworks in the distance

13 - ate muesli and saladstop’s banana walnut cake, symcard, bought moon chicken and saladpoint. lunch was egg salad and the wings. the original tasted so good like??? maybe i havent had msg for a while. also tried big bang, not too spicy which is nice. cicil ukmppd. put my laundry at buih barel lmaoo. try out with fianti. got 70/100

14 - breakfast was salad and leftover chicken. today was bangsal with angga armand. the geriatric patient has a loud murmur yall (and scoliosis, so much that the heart looks distorted). went to margo city to see sales, but when i think about it id rather just thrift stuff lmao. bought lugina. slept through kuliah guru besar. writing this in yellow truck coffee, that had 2 customers on the 1st floor including me. tried banana milk. yall after trying to drink less sugar the beverage tasted super sweet. my headache just goes away. sugar is magic but unhealthy whyyyyy.

15 - igd siang with indah. This body sure is frail. Did cbd with dr afifah AND rescheduled pleno. Rip mobile data i have to use for hotspot.

16 - ok today. Inserted goedel and did bagging. I bagged the patient the wrong way at first (too much). Thankfully the nurses were kind and taught us a lot :) watched some bts content. I feel like after reading househusband my tiktok page is now immensely funnier. Dalbang is also hilarious as always. Put on ginseng sheet mask (smells quite strong)

17 - bangsal. snacked on fried chicken. matcha latte starbucks (turns out its quite full here) and liqo about keeping our tongues in check

18 - arrived at icu. And then opened line. Turns out hadin's swab is positive, so agung kak iman and me have to isolate and swab. So i went back. Ordered kanayam chicken and fish and tempe. Nasi liwet tasted goood damn. Sleptt in the afternoon. Pleno at 4 pm (entered the room 4:30). Had no motivation to do anything. Azkia is getting married! Spent 20 mins formulating words to congratulate her lmaoo

19 - osce simulation, kak nanu was so kind and encouraging. Did try out solid. Lunch is fish bite pasta with melted cheese (cause i had to reach the minimum amount for promo). It got cold so its not that good (pairing it with self made mentai sauce, mixing the mayo and chili, is way much better). Jogged in ui (and searched for wifi). Approached by someone selling haraus coffee (25k), saying that some earnings will be for charity. Its basically sweet. Can barely taste the coffee.

20 - had kanayam for lunch (brekkie is almost always muesli lately). The nasi liwet tasted much better the first time. Walked to yellow truck coffee in the pouring rain. Got banana milk. Saw webinar ksk (electrolyte correction and dr nadhira talkshow). What i got from it is that, dr nadhira is a different person from the first place. Shes visionary, knows what she want and not afraid to reach it. The mindset is different. Even if i try as hard as her, her propensity to growth is different. Cicil ukmppd. Try out with fianti (got 72/100). Talked for an hour about love and marriage and engagements (there are so much of it lately)

21 - leftover kanayam for brekkie, also ate roti salman in cikini st. swab today (met kris, nessa and others). muesli for lunch. i thought my body felt a bit warm, so i decided to find sumn to eat. tried kedai abu bakar’s spaghetti brulee. its okay. maybe because its not too cheesy or meaty, mainly bechamel sauce. the one pupuy made is much tastier. finished the whole 10x20 portion in 2 eating sesh. cicil ukmppd @ bed in the evening (somehow felt refreshed enough to be able to concentrate in bed)

22 - went early to icu to put dops form. lugina for early lunch. i feel like my metabolism is faster? or my body is not so much in calorie deficit mode anymore and it got greedier lmao i used to just ignore hunger but not now, for health. starbiiies tumbler day. ordered black tea latte with non fat milk and vanilla syrup (because raspberry syrup is no more). did cbd geri ppt.

23 - finally knew the swab result bcs kak iman asked kak farras. thankfully negative. igd with jordi. quite a few chances to do iv line, but i failed 2 times. managed to do iv injection to insert 2 drugs. saw the worst cpr ive ever seen in my life. its too slow, with maximal interruption. fish bite for lunch. wasted the rest of my day

24 - originally intended to run but i cant bring myself out of bed. packed up my stuff. picked up by mom. got the paper result of swab, got ksk from kelvyn @ capitol. can finally drink self-made matcha latte again, but it tasted horrible. i know cy matcha doesnt have that much going on, but even this is low even for them. previously i was starting to get used to the grassy smell.

25 - my lil bro remarked “maybe shes depressed because she doesnt have her chair”. fuck yall. this “depression” that im in is caused by this very place and the people. and im supposed to still muster the strength to study for ukmppd AND get my face together for solid book photoshoot. that shit is too much. this is why the money that goes to cafe, and the bike ride there is worth it for my sanity. after showering, things felt a bit better. had absolutely no will to study today. ate muesli with a bit of matcha latte.

26 - muesli for breakfast. matcha latte is lyfff ive probably said this before but it ~somehow~ makes me feel normal and not in a slump. like im a regular person. with normal moods. and not wanting to sleep all the time. i try to do ukmppd exercises but the pace is so fucking slow, bcs im distracted by get rich haha,,,. the latest potn update (64) is omgggg the mixed feelings? love? hate? anger? everything and nothing? the ~tension and passion~? im obsessed. watched a ton of bts content today and yesterday lmao.

27 - nasi kebuli for brekkie. went to flavola, im the first customer lmao. tried kopi susu coklat, tasted quite close enough to janjiw’s kopi soklat. had the same ~improved mood and concentration~ effect. tried to read ksk. bought milky banana 1L from puyo to give dajen (its his bday yesterday) (i feel prompted (?) to gift people when theyve given a present to me) (because my love lang is not gift giving at all so i barely think abt gifts lmao). talked with sum 33 ipa guys @ dajens house. yay appropriate amount of social battery charging. tryout with fianti, padi this time. got 67/100.

28 - ate muesli with matcha latte after breakfast. cicil ukmppd. Listened to yoongi's vlive until i fell asleep lol. 2 burger and salad for dinner. omggg hansol revealed his gf.

29 - spent half of my day tidying up the mess that is my room. figured out what to wear for solid book photoshoot with fianti, ara. matcha latte terosss. phd for dinner.

30 - breakfast is muesli with cimory choco hazelnut. mom made matcha chocolate brownies. tryna study. slow pace terosss. read some padi materials. dalbang.

31 - bought vsoy low sugar and multigrain. moved my body a bit to youtube videos. showered. felt better. it also rained (which i love). the pleasant mood only lasted til the evening. did nothing from 7pm even though im not sleepy. cant tell when did i start to sleep

and just like that, 2020 kkeut. its sad to say i dont rly remember much remarkable things this year. other than the trip and memories with minor rotation friends. i just remember wasting my life away in my house. i guess that’s the danger of living a monotone life. sometimes you gotta invest some time to have fun, to have motivation to live on and do things. not doing this makes it difficult to live day by day. and friends. meeting friends, seeing new stuff. that helps me live.

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pandatowrites · 5 years

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Hmmmm. So many to choose. Can I put two together? I think 28: how drunk was I and 26: the diamond in your engagement ring is fake, would be funny together. If you want lol

28. How drunk was I / 26. The diamond in your engagement ring is fake - EreRi

When he woke up, his head was throbbing painfully and his vision was blurry. Where were his glasses?

He closed his eyes again, reached for his seeing-help on the nightstand and tried to grab them blindly, only to yeet his phone on the floor in the process of searching, which created a rather loud thud. “Fuck”, Eren sighed, pain tainting his already rough voice, and let his hands run over his sweaty face.

With more caution he took hold of his glasses and slid them on his face, over his ears and his nose.

“Ugh, honey, what time is it?”, he mumbled while his eyes adjusted to the dark. It felt like he had not slept at all, but at the same time he couldn’t exactly tell if he had because he did in fact not remember going to bed the evening before. When no response ringed in his ears, he rolled over, only to see an empty spot. Eren had to take several glances between confused blinks, because usually his fiance would sit there and read a book until it was time to get ready. His insomnia made it almost impossible to sleep longer than 4 hours a night, so he had found great pleasure in occupying himself with reading books while Eren was sleeping like a rock. A snoring rock. A snoring, cuddly rock.

The brunet man took a look at the clock and his jaw dropped slightly, leaving his mouth open for flies to fly into it.

9:42 AM.

Had he really slept that long? His biorhythm was disappointing him. On work days his alarm would go off at 5:30 AM, so he would sleep till 7 AM often, sometimes even till 7:30 AM.

Levi must be already working around the house, explaining his absence in the bed.

Quickly, he sat up straight and immediately regretted doing so, as he felt like vomiting all over the bedsheets. “Argh, fuck”, he growled, supporting his head with one day and laying the other on his chest as if to stop his sickness from happening.

Additionally, he felt dizzy, so yes, this must indeed be a hangover.

But why had he been drinking?

Eren tried to remember the happenings from the prior evening, from last night, from anything that happened before he woke up in a pool of his own grease.

There had been a party. Levi had tidied his tie, teasing him about him still not being able to do it without help, after that they entered a building. A school’s gym.

Right! They went to their class reunion. Class of 2009, graduated in June ‘09.

The more he tried to remember the more his head started to hurt, so he gave up. Levi would tell him what happened for sure.

His only concern was that he had been, you know, too wasted. Eren knew his limit, but when the mood was good, everybody had fun… a few more glasses crept their way into his hand.

Asking his fiance about the evening was apparently the best choice to gain more informations as his last two brain cells were currently occupied with hammering against the walls of his skull.

Eren did not bother putting on a new shirt or combing his hair before he went downstairs, every step creating an unbearable sound. He should have stayed in bed. It had been quiet there.

When he entered the kitchen, his lover was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper and sipping his tea quietly. His grey eyes caught Eren’s staring gaze, but instead of longing there any longer, he went back to reading.

No ‘Good morning, honey bee’. No morning kiss.

Eren had fucked up and he didn’t even remember it.

Yet there was a glass of water along with some pills - Aspirin - next to it on the wooden table, in front of his seat as if it had been placed there just for him. The smell of freshly made coffee hit his nose, seducing him with the tasty scent of waking up properly.

And the worst of all, there was evening a plate with bacon and eggs, even with a golden-baked waffle, just the way Eren liked it.

“Good morning”, he grumbled with great caution and sat down on his chair, before downing the headache-fighting gift with water.

Levi only nodded, consumed more of his tea and found this one particular article especially interesting.

It would have been useless trying to start a normal conversation with his fiance, so Eren cut straight to the point. “How drunk was I?”, he asked while dipping the tea spoon into his “Boyfriend #1” mug.

Oh wow, the guilt washing over him was killing him.

“I don’t know exactly what was the most significant thing you did yesterday that would indicate that you were drunk as fuck, so I’ll just tell you what happened.”

Levi’s calm and deep voice would usually make Eren feel comfortable and home, but the ice hidden as an undertone behind a newspaper frightened him for a second.

“The whole class was there and it was actually quite enjoyable. Until you decided to mess with Jean and made a stupid bet that you could chug down a whole vodka bottle this evening. Obviously, you drank it. Jean as well, but Mikasa dealt with him quite well after that. Probably whooped his horse arse at home. Anyway, you talked loudly and talked shit. At some point you even stripped but before anybody could see that pathetic excuse of a underwear, I pulled you aside - why do you even have those? I thought you threw them away after the doctor appointment. Fucking Spongebob Squarepants.” He made a pause as if to remember where he had stopped telling about the past evening and sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose while doing so. “Ah yes. We argued, you yelled at me and suddenly you just flat out admitted ‘The diamond in your engagement ring is fake’ in such a volume everybody heard it. Everybody.”

Oh god. Eren was a god-damn asshole. His cheeks were red in embarrassment, tinting his cheeks as well, but the look of guilt had taken over his features as well. He was ashamed of himself.

Levi must have hated him, blurring out such a thing in public.

“I would not have minded if you had told me about it before. I couldn’t care less. But in front of all these people? The people we know since what, grade 9? Some even since grade 5.” He shook his head and placed the newspaper folded on the table.

Eren hid his face in his hands, rubbing it and trying to wash his soul clean. “Fuck. Babe, I’m so sorry. I- I should not have drunk so much. Sorry, shit. I’m a bastard.” He made eye contact with Levi who stared at him with crossed arms. “Will you forgive me? I’ll do everything you say, I promise I’m sorry. I mean it.”

Grey eyes wandered over his fiance’s appearance. “Shower yourself. You reek of alcohol and sweat. And then we’ll talk.” He stood up, but Eren grabbed his hand and pulled him to his side, onto his lap with little resistance.

He pressed his kiss onto the pale cheek and tangled him in his arms. “I love you. Sorry for being a troublemaker all the time.” Eren’s fingers danced across his lover’s abdomen before taking his hands into his. “I’ll get you a real one”, he whispered.

“Eren, stop”, Levi demanded suddenly and turned around to face his fiance. “I don’t care. I don’t need some emerald to show how much you love me. A plastic ring from a bubblegum machine would have been just as sufficient.”

With a confused grin, the brunet man asked, “Then… then why are you mad over the ring?”

“I’m not mad over the ring. I know that you had spent all your money on the vacation, stupid. It’s the fact that you’re always such an idiot.” Levi’s lips met Eren’s for a affectionate second and his furrowed eyebrows softened. “But seems like I should have said ‘no’ when I had the chance because I don’t think I’ll be able to let go. I love you, too.”

“Even if you were able to, I won’t. You are the only one who can deal with me, honey.”

Levi sighed once more, but not in annoyance, and Eren chuckled.

#soapyyy i hope you enjoyed!!#i couldnt stop writing this lmao #angry levi is funny #i hope there arent too many errors?? i checked but im still insecure so sorry for errors!!#ereri #prompt request #drabble #my writing #prompt #snk #request

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rebelredcarnationn · 6 years

Note

all the ask questions. i want the juice

ahahaha ok this should be fun

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…

-- I LOVE YOU BIIITCH, AND I AINT NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BITCHHHHH2: Did you get to sleep in today?

-- nope i went to bed a little after 6 am and then had to wake up at 8:30

3: You never know what you got until you lose it?

-- wot? not sure what this means

4: Do you have siblings?

-- yee i have one older sister

5: How many kids do you want?

-- 2 probs

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?

-- uhm? i havent really held hands with people i dont think lol

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

-- nope

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?

-- yeah i think so

9: Last person to talk on the phone?

-- my dad lol

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?

-- not that i know of

11: When’s your birthday?

-- very close to the troye sivan concert

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

-- yes it wasnt that long ago

13: What kind of phone do you have?

-- iphone 7

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

-- im wearing athletic shorts because i just got home from gymnastics

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?

-- oHHHH YEAH

16: What were you doing at 4 am?

-- idk probably crying hahah #relatableteen amirite

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?

-- write a paper 10/10

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?

-- more or less

19: Last night you felt…?

-- mostly sad, scared, anxious

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?

-- all the concerts im going to this year (p!atd, troye sivan, twenty one pilots)

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?

-- no im a goody two shoes oops, also they track me so

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

-- almost 2 and a half

23: Are you a morning or night person?

-- night 100%

24: What did you get your last bruise from?

-- gymnastics probably

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?

-- eventually

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

-- i would hope that i would pick up lol

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

-- no

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?

-- nope just fixed that yesterday lol

29: How many months until your birthday?

-- including this month 4

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

-- uhm i eat peanut butter just like on a spoon most of the time

31: Did you like this past summer?

-- nothing im stressed and i miss my friends and i miss having stuff to do and i could go on for a while

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?

-- eating yogurt and looking at instagram lol

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?

-- i dont have an ex lol, but i would probably just like leave depending on how recent it was

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?

-- “do you ship drarry?” (she said no, we are no longer sisters)

35: Your mood summed into one work?

-- word? im assuming? ok well, uh ‘sad’ lol

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?

-- listening to paramore

37: What are your initials?

-- CJ

38: Are you a happy person?

-- no pft

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?

-- i dont think i liked anyone 4 months ago?

40: Where do you want to live when your older?

-- the uk

41: Have you had your birthday this year?

-- not yet

42: What did you do yesterday?

-- ha i sat outside in a hammock in the rain for about 4 hours and watched the world cup

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?

-- uh hopefully watching harry potter

44: How late did you stay up last night?

-- more like stayed up early, 6 am ish

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?

-- yes

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?

-- no lol

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?

-- yes 100%

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?

-- dont have an ex

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?

-- dude all i remember about 2012 is the london olympics lol

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?

-- dont have one, but i dont wish anyone was dead

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?

-- yeah its red rn im probably doing purple next but im not sure leave sugguestions

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?

-- depends on circumstances and the amount of time but probably not

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?

-- yeah i sat under a blanket with my friend and watched it on tv lol

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?

-- haha yeah and i shouldnt be rip

55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?

-- oh ive had this conversation with them they wouldnt pay for my college or wedding

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?

-- all of the above but mostly side

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?

-- uk

58: What would you change about your life right now?

-- uh my emotions and my friends emotions

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?

-- i get upset every day lmao bet

60: Are you on the phone?

-- nope

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?

-- forward

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

-- money

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

-- yeah lol

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

-- yeah like last week

65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?

-- yeah who hasnt

66: Are you the type of person who likes to be out or at home?

- at home lol

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?

-- yeep

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

-- oh yeah multiple times

69: Could you use some sleep right now?

-- yeah ill probably take a nap later tbh

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?

-- no i hope not

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?

-- i mean yeah?

72: What’s your favorite color?

-- purple, black and red

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?

-- uhm ive only ever liked one person in my life and we havent had a sleepover in a long time

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

-- oh all the time

75: Do you get annoyed easily?

-- yeah lol

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

-- YES YES YES

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?

-- i wouldnt entirely say opposite but yeah pretty much

78: Does anyone call you babe?

-- no one does romantically

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

-- again with the opposite sex my dude, but i fully trust like 2 people

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?

-- relationship

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?

- im wearing a gray one rn

82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?

-- yeah rip

that was fun thanks!!

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vacationcalendar · 3 years

Text

8/7/21

Hi boyfriend~

Just took a weed gummie in honor of Bonnie’s birthday weekend. My present for my friend is that I’ll suck it up and be an active participant in their life for a change. I’ll be game for a whole weekend. I got up early today and tagged along to volunteer at a charity 5k. We grabbed some coffee and wandered to the halfway point of the course (thus walking an entire 5k in the process! Not too shabby ;D), and then camped out a water station that I’d say should be very grateful I actually showed up to work its sorry ass. Bonnie didn’t have to do any managing/delegating, they just got to post up and chatter at the runners-by. I’m pretty sure if I didn’t go, and I promise I am not tooting my own horn, that water stand would not have been the fun water stand that it was. They would have had 2 dunces making it go worse, and only 3 people managing 4 tables of water cups. Volunteers man, what are you gonna do? I’m sure that’s why they were looking for 8 people per water stand, just to statistically ensure that SOMEONE with half a brain would be around to help out.

Great morning though. JUST a little too hot, but that’s how you know you were doing solid work out there. The proof is in the pits, baby!

Ok, 40 minute bathroom break is over. Man, nothing like starting the blog to make me SO productive in the mornings! It’s such a cheat code. I did laundry, dishes, pooped; my whole day is bright and available now! But now I’m tired and I don’t want to write anymore. I had about a 6 minute where I wanted to do this today and I actually hit it for a second before I had to stop and do ANYTHING ELSE I guess. So, fuck. What do we write now?

I had to get up suuuuper early for this 5k thing, and I only got like 4 hours of sleep because I did not factor in the early wake up until like 6pm yesterday, and I had already slept like 14 hours that day :I That’s right, I woke up, immediately crushed the blog, went back to laying down, played League, and watched tv and shit until I felt tired enough to sleep and get ready for the 5k, which was 2am. So now I have a weed gummie digesting in me and I have a nap climbing up my priority list and this is why I don’t like weed. I feel like I have to plan my fucking shit around it, and I’m not good at that. Part of me thinks I can crash right now and wake up before the drugs make me sleep for 2 hours longer than I want, and give me weird, unpleasant dreams. I can’t possibly pull that off, I’m not sleepy, I’m just like sluggish. So basically what I have to do now is power through into the “trip” (maybe I’ll luck out and miss it and I can just pretend I’m high, which I won’t do, but hey we’re brainstorming here), and let that smoothly transition me into a nap. And THAT would mean that I have to entertain myself for the time being to get me into a good place to start being high...? And then I can like power up my activities WHILE high, and that would be fun. Playing video games, great. Playing video game high? That’s the whole point of it. I mean like, that’s the whole point of life, right? And then I can be like NAPTIME BITCH, and that would be fun also, in theory. And then I can go put a podcast on and go to the movies? Ugh, I don’t want to go the movies anymore. I’m to tired :( This sucks.

I’m trying to go see Green Knight. I’m sure that sentence won’t matter at all in even like 4 months from now, but I think it should be a fun time. So much more productive than anything I can do from the desk. And it’s not summertime like this forever. You gotta get that shit in so you don’t think you miss it when the weather turns. You want to be sitting inside on a cold autumn day thinking “good riddance, being outside is entirely overrated.” And I’m not there yet. Man I don’t know. Well how bout this? Let’s do a little more brainstorming while I’m trapped here writing to your dumb ass. If you ever read these again this part will be like a little prank on you lol. Ok: 1: Stay here, no movie. Let’s lock that in. that should make having to navigate being high so much easier. Let’s let the pipe dream of doing everyone’s favorite thing of being at a theater high wait just a little longer. Today can be a trial run. We’ll walk around today and think about what it would be like if I had biked 20 minutes to a movie theater and watched a 2 hour movie and biked home. And when we suss out that it would have been unenjoyable, we’ll feel like geniuses for making this call. So that’s out of the way. LOCK IT IN

2. I don’t know yet. Let’s just start simple. Food. What’s up? We have almost no groceries. We have no bread for a tuna salad sandwich, but let’s put that in the to-do list. We need more english muffins too. That was an A+ 10/10 move last month. Just muffins w/ strawberry jam, and egg McMuffins whenever the fuck I wanted, which was always. Frozen Veggies like Corn or Beans would be good. Bag Chop Salad kits. They weren’t on sale last week, and it’s goddamn highway robbery when they’re at full price. So this week would be the perfect time to check in on ‘em. And I’ll commit more to an equivalent substitute this time if I can’t find a good deal. Let’s see, what else? Oof my wpm and accuracy is starting to take a hit. The first and only symptom! Nice! Miku. Meat. Spaghetti and meat sauce? Gotta check out what ragu shit you have in the house before you do that. Consider this your reminder! I know you’ve never successfully pulled that off, but I have full confidence in you. Oh fuck, now I’m starting to worry a little bit the coherent quality of this is about to start dropping. Well, another fun little prank for ya bitch! Fruit leathers? I just have no fucking idea. Ok, so shopping can 100% wait for another day. This isn’t anywhere close to a cohesive trip. So we can eat out somewhere! Great, lock it bitch. I’m starting to swear more; it’s because I can’t find the right words anymore. Oh boy, the weed smelling burps are happening. This really is so gross and difficult. Beer is just a more bitter version of soda. It’s actively refreshing. Damn, if only I’d been a little more exposed to peer pressure at an earlier age. I’d have been past this awkward uncomfortable phase of weed, like how I (and basically everyone) was with alcohol. You slam Natty Lites with your nose closed until you start to realize life is little more pleasurable than the absolute Kelvin zero you had come to be familiar with. Uh, ok, I’m starting to let my mind wander. He’s daydreaming, chief! I suppose I could just transcribe the dialogue of the daydreams, but I can’t keep up. This is just break o’clock.

3. What do I fucking eat!? I had to make a whole nother numbered point, and I still don’t have the plan. Jesus H,. Ok here’s what AROUND. Chex Mix, unopened. 1 Grape Soda. Cookie Dough Ice Cream (w choc sauce). Raisins, PB, Ramen, meh. Reese Cups! I just looked behind and was like, “oh yeah! Nice”. If that’s not everything, that’s REALLY close. So what’s calling my name? Pizza? Chinese? Damn, I might just have to play this by ear. Nothing at all sounds interesting, and I’m not the slightest bit hungry (we got free Dim Sum after the 5k. It was called the Dim Sum and Then Some 5k). Ok, so other options to keep on the back burner for later would be: Kebab, Chicken Sandwich, go get Pizza Rolls and Chippies at the store. Ok that’s enough options, that fuckin really took it outta me, I can’t believe it. My hands are kinda feeling heavier now too. I better think of a #4 thing to write about quick or I may lose all my inertia.

4. UMmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Movie time? I watch arrival and turn off all the lights and pop popcorn and have my soda? Where sunglasses and pretend they’re 3-D glasses? Maybe. Ugh, I can tell right now my eyes are gonna get bloodshot, or dry out or whatever. They already kinda hurt :(. It’s fine. I feel more good than not. Like I’m wrapped up in a blanket, even though I’m not. Maybe OH- Maybe I lay out on the beach chair and read in the sun with an ice coffee? Oh fuck that might actually be perfect. Then I can go no shirt and just feel nature, and maybe bugs are less troublesome when you’re high. And then I can pop Doughboys on and shower! Shower high, seems like a guaranteed home-run. Ok, I like it a lot. I have to do SOMETHING away from Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum or I’ll go crazy this weekend, especially if I have to tag in on occasion and “participate” for Bonnie’s Birthday. Which, let’s be clear, is the least I can do. It’s a gimme. I owe Bonnie AT LEAST this much, even just as like backpay for holidays or yore. Like if I have the zhuzh to punch in for birthday shtuff, I better do it, right? I just looked it up, it might officially be zhoosh, not zhuzh, but zhuzh appears to me to be the best way to do it. And there’s like 5 accepted spellings of it. Stupid, not helpful. Just because it employs a sound that has no [conformed] applications in the english language? Poor excuse! Oh man, it’s so early I can’t believe it! That 5k feels like a day ago, wild. Well, hey! Point 4 is finished. Moving on!

5. What to do tonight? Who gives a fuck. Figure that part out when you get there, it does not matter at all. There, numbered list over.

Ok so, let’s just wrap this up I guess. I’m cracking an hour here, that’s plenty. Maybe tonight you do a little PRE-WRITING before bed, so this isn’t so “chore-y”. Let’s just remember you seriously considered letting yourself down completely and bailing on the blog earlier this morning. So we need to keep our expectations at appropriate levels still. It’s this NEXT week that should be very interesting. Just in terms of output. A little more practice, and little more muscle-memory. A little less crap to distract me (I have been burning through non-stop crap youtube/tv this last week since coming home, it’s fantastic. I was gonna say it was sucky, or disgusting or something, but that’s a lie I tell to myself to pretend I’m more diligent than I actually am. ACCEPT who you are and love yourself for it)

I accept you and love you Max. Ok, I have to go, I feel like I’m gonna puke... awesome

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toomanysurveys9 · 6 years

Text

Has the last person you kissed met your father? the last person i kissed was my son and he has met his grandfather. he lives with us. and jacob has obviously met him too (he’s the last person i kissed romantically). What’s your favourite breed of dog? i love my brother’s akita. but i tend to fall for the mixed breeds. that’s what both of my dogs are. Who is the first person you saw this morning? jacob and wyatt. What would you like to do right now? i don’t know. drink something maybe?

What was the last thing that was on your wrist? i don’t remember. maybe a hair tie? Do you think more about the past, present or future? probably the present these days. just taking it all day by day. When was the last time you spoke to your brother? sunday night before they left our house. Are you outgoing or more reserved? more reserved for sure. Can money buy happiness? eh. not complete happiness, but money can definitely help a lot with some things.. What was the last thing you drank? a glass of water.

Do you swear in front of your parents? my mom i don’t care. but i don’t in front of my dad really because i know he doesn’t like it. When you say you don’t care, do you mean it? not always. Do you know anyone who has messed up your life? just me. Honestly have you kissed someone of the same sex this week? i have not. Who knows you better than you know yourself? i don’t know that anyone knows me that well. not anymore. Have you ever kissed a blonde haired blue eyed person? i have not. Who last texted you? jasmin. Do you listen to music when you’re down? i listen to a lot less music these days. but sometimes. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with? we’re married and i’m pregnant with our second child. What would you do if you found out you were pregnant to the last person you kissed? we’re going to go with the last person i kissed romantically, which is jacob, and i am pregnant by him. Will your next kiss be a mistake? nope. Have you ever stayed in a hotel? quite a few times. Have you ever dated someone who was not good to you? yeah. jacob has his moments.. Ever been told you were loved by someone who didn’t mean it? probably... Have you ever been cheated on? yeah. towards the beginning of our relationship, jacob cheated on me with his ex. it was just a kiss, otherwise i never would have stayed. Are promises important to you? not really anymore. they always get broken. What’s a fact about the last person who texted you? she’s married to my cousin, scott. Doesn’t it drive you nuts when people think they ‘need’ to have a bf/gf? a little, sure. but i mean. whatever. it’s their life. What is one thing you spend way too much money on? my kids. lol. If you could have something right now, what would it be? someone to hang out with. friends. Are you texting anyone? no. no one talks to me anymore. Do you find it hard to trust others? i do. and i think it’s just going to keep getting worse. Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? yeah. i’m okay for the most part. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing? yeah. i wear jacob’s shirts a lot. Are you slowly drifting away from someone? it seems like it... Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? most people, yes. but not everyone. Does anyone know your passwords other than you? jacob might. i have gave them to him before. with the exception of my tumblr. that is only mine. What was the last thing you spent money on? lunch stuff for jacob. Are your nails done? they are not. they very rarely are done. How many people have you kissed in this month? jacob and wyatt. Hug anyone last night? wyatt. Who are you talking to? no one at the moment. every now and then, i talk to lilli and wyatt. What’s your middle name? dee after my mom’s foster mom. Where will you be 12 hours from now? in bed. unless i’m in the bathroom. but probably bed. Does the person you like, like you back? i don’t know. i know i go through this a lot. but i just. don’t know. i want to say he does, since we’re married and pregnant with our second... but i don’t know. Where’s your girlfriend/boyfriend at? i’m married, and he’s probably headed home from work but i never really know for sure. Can you make yourself cry? i can’t cry on demand. Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color? it’s all my natural hair color. What color are your socks? not wearing any. Who have you texted in the last 24 hours? jasmin, jacob, kayla, and erin. Do you like someone? i... yeah.. i still do. Current mood? okay. kinda feeling blah a little. but i’m okay. Who were you with Friday night? family, minus jacob. was celebrating lilli’s birthday. Were you in a good mood last night? i was in an okay mood, but kind of felt hurt. i get tired of doing everything on my own. i know jacob works almost every day for us, but he does nothing with wy. i’m raising wy pretty much all on my own, and it’s going to be the same i’m sure when ellie is here. and i kind of wanted jacob to go with us to the store because he’s literally done nothing with us in a very long time. but he didn’t. and he never does. we barely talk. we barely have a relationship at this point... we’re just roommates who share soon to be two kids and have sex occasionally when he feels like it. What should you be doing right now? nothing. Do you have a reason to smile right now? wyatt and ellie always give me reason. Think back to June. Were you in a relationship? yeah. Would you hug the last person that you hugged again (besides family)? i don’t know who i last hugged that was not family. Where did you sleep three nights ago? i slept on the couch for awhile, but then i went to my own bed after jon and jake were done playing ark. Have you argued with anyone today? nope. Are you ready for kids? i am going to have two in november, and i already have one, so i better be. lol. What do you tend to drink a lot of? lately, water. although i’ve barely been drinking anything... Is there someone you can spend every minute with and be happy? wyatt. he’s my only happiness.. Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? yeah. Finish the sentence: A relationship cannot work without ____ time together and communication.. Do you have any friends? i hope so. i think kayla is just going through some stuff so we haven’t been talking as much. Who was the last person you gave your number to? i don’t know. erin put my number in her friend kayla’s phone, if that counts. Are you married? i am. Who are you texting? no one. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? obviously. What if someone asked you to be in a relationship with them? i’d say no since i’m married to jake. What is your hair looking like right now? i haven’t brushed it so not great, but it has looked worse. What woke you up this morning? jacob’s alarm, and then wyatt. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? depends. but generally, rainy. Blue or orange? blue. i don’t like orange much. Who made you cry last? jacob. What do you regret doing anything lately? nothing comes to mind. Last person you had a fight with? i don’t know. i haven’t really fought with anyone. you have to care to do that. Where were you 2 hours ago? upstairs in my bedroom with wy. Do you eat breakfast? when i’m pregnant, i do. Do you have plans for tomorrow? we might go to the fair, but i’m sure my mom is going to back out so no. Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? When was it? i can. i currently do. Will you be in a relationship in the next month? yeah. Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight? doubt it. unless jacob decides to call. Have you ever trusted someone too much? story of my life. Have you ever made someone cry? i probably have. Believe in love at first sight? as a mom, yes. but not the romantic kind. Ever dated two people at once? i have not. Who is your last missed call from? my sixteen year old sister, erin. Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? the very last person? no. he’s my son. What do you do before you go to bed? get wyatt to sleep. it’s usually a lot of flipping sides, and he occasionally will still nurse. but he nurses a lot less so we’re getting closer! Do you wake up to a good morning text? nope. Have you ever had to block anyone online? yeah. a handful of time. Do you miss anything? i do but it doesn’t matter. Are you okay with the life you live? for the most part, yes. How did you get your last bruise? i honestly don’t know. probably hit my leg on something. It’s 4 in the morning and someone is throwing rocks at your window, who? no one i would know. Where were you around 3 PM yesterday? i was at home. napping with wyatt. Where were you at 1:30am? in bed, sleeping. Last time you got a text message and smiled? i don’t remember. Do you regret kissing anyone you have kissed? not really, no. Are you in a relationship? i am. Have you ever made a boy cry? yeah. Are you afraid of thunder and lightning? not generally. Are you scared of ending up alone? not really. more afraid of if something happened to make us split up, he’s already made it known that the house, cars, and basically everything is all his. which is fine. all i need is my kids. but he said he’d take them too... he can’t even take care of wyatt now... Did you sleep alone last night? nope. with wyatt and jacob. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? noooo. Have you ever dyed your hair? it’s been a very long time, but yes. Are you currently looking forward to anything? november or october, whenever ellie makes her appearance. How often do you hold back what you want to say? alllll the time. Is the last person you kissed older than you? nope. Do you think that in the end, everything will fall into place? i hope so.

#survey #surveys #personal #question #questions #random

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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haha here we go again

there's a lot of dumb ranting and 3 days worth of logs and a dream in here so im gonna spare evryone’s dashboard and just put it all under the cut.

tw bad memories, talk of unhealthy relations with food, and dreams about dead animals

I realized I kind of entirely forgot to write about what I did yesterday? I kind of did a lot. I know my mom wanted to work on getting tile laid out in front of her bathroom, so we worked together to scrub the concrete and wipe up all the dirt and dust and whatever was under the carpet and remove some of the nails in the floor and bring up a spiky metal strip between the bathroom door and where the carpet was. The other main thing I remember is deciding to continue work on my dress, sewing up the outer bodice, checking that the bodice and lining would fit together, deciding I’d rather have no different colored front panel, and working on the circle skirt. At first I tried cutting the fabric on my bed, but it wasn’t big enough and too lumpy. I contemplated asking my friends if I could borrow their dining table, but I ended up clearing off my own. After I traced and was in the middle of pinning, I accidentally knocked over a glass bowl that I had set on the chair. My mom heard it from the other room and had me come to her room to tell her what it was. She got angry at me, which I thought was fuckin stupid if it was an accident, but after some reflection while cleaning up the glass pieces, I kind of understood why. Mostly I got a little upset about 2 ceramic pieces I made during school breaking a little from the drop. One was a mushroom house from middle school that always makes me remember feeling like an asshole during peer review when I told my person to smooth their project more because I didn’t know “no improvement needed” was an option until I got back to my desk and saw my person saying it was good in all categories because everyone thought my project was great for some reason. The other was a bunch of flowers on a circle. It was the last project we did before quarantine hit, I think. That one is in less tough shape, just a couple flowers knocked off and a chip on one of them. They can both be glued back together, I guess. Then my mom called me back into her room to listen to her talk about wanting to eat huge amounts of food, because she’s clinically depressed with BPD and PTSD and DID and several other acronyms and her favorite coping mechanism is food, but her doctor put her on a diet so she can get her knees replaced, but recently she’s been getting into a zone where she talks about wanting to eat entire cakes and pizzas and buckets of kfc and a gallon of queso or whatever the fuck and she goes “doesn’t that sound GOOD?” And I have to laugh along and say “haha no that sounds bad actually” and get her a piece of ham or something. And every time she goes on her spiel the only thing I can think of is the greedy from the raggedy Ann and Andy musical. It’s just this horrible undulating orange blob that eats everything in sight and seeing it for the first time just made me think of mom and it made me very uncomfortable, with all the orange goo and hurling noises. Also reminds me of this horrible video game boss fight where it’s the apocalypse and a fat lady on a scooter took over the buffet and eats so much during her boss fight, during the defeat cutscene she projectile vomits everywhere and dies. My brother Greg showed me that thinking it was funny. I hated it, and I still do. He showed me a lot of things he thought were funny as a shitty little kid, and I remember several of them being very upsetting. It’s ok. I don’t want to dwell on it. But after cleaning the glass and talking to mom I brought my fabric to my room and called it a night. Oh wait my dad also helped me with some paperwork my coworker handed me so I could get on the payroll.

Today I woke up differently than I have in a long time. I set an alarm for 10 am so I could be at work by 11, but I woke up at 9 from a heavy sleep with dreams about hanging out with my friend in my room, worrying about my dirty house. I wanted to sleep longer, so I got up at 10 to have breakfast and get ready. I spent my shift changing the price tags all around the store, making everything more expensive. I’m gonna work again on Tuesday where I’ll learn how to use the register. I hope I don’t fuk it up, but I have a couple days to relax until then. Maybe I’ll work on my dress. My friends all want to go to prom together, so my new deadline will be March 2nd or a little before. I still need to buy a ticket, but I don’t have access to the link to buy one :( bleh I’m too tired right now to worry about this shit. I only worked 4 hours again today, but after I got home I felt like I could have worked longer if they gave me something else to do. The only price tags left to change were a bunch of grills and stuff I don’t know about but I don’t know if they had any other work for my to do. But I’m glad I went home tho because I was hungry and my feet hurt from standing lol. I did laundry and made myself dinner and washed my hair and drew a little bit and made the table and tbh the pacing of today has been so weird I don’t remember everything. It’s only 1am but I think I’m just gonna go to bed. my friends started talking about going to prom, and I really want to join them, but I can't figure out where/how to buy a ticket. my brain started being really mean to me, syaing that I was being annoying and pushy and that they didnt want me at prom for some reason, so I low-key almost made myself cry until my friend offered to let me be their platonic date since their partner couldn't go.

last night I had a dream about a hard video game where when you played it, the black shadow enemies would fight you in real life, and one of them left imprints on my arm in the shape of lego bricks. they could only attack you so long as you played the game, and they tried to capture people and you were supposed to save them. I decided it was my time to play, and I walked into my garage that had turned into a cave with bat-people fused into the wall. I paid them no mind as I rescued a girl who was my irl brother, grabbing her hand and pulling her into another versoin of my garage which was uncorrupted and normal looking. she thanked me, and I said it was no problem. then I tricked her, telling her not to trust so easily, as I became one of the shadow enemies and engulfed her in a black sack, trapping her and leaving the room. I came back a couple minutes later, letting him free (now my brain told me he was my brother) telling him I just wanted to know if I was capable of tricking him, and didnt actually want to kill him or whatever. another big chunk of my dream was taken up by me, my sister, and my dad visiting a run down petting zoo/gamestop. the petting zoo barn was very dark with low ceilings with lots of rabbits and pigs and hay. one of us accidentally killed either a pig or a tiger right next to the exit door, and I had to slink around the gamester trying to distract the owner and keep him from going in the barn and escaping at the same time. I dont remember how it ended, other than me waking up with a sore throat from breathing so deeply through my nose. I had slept on my stomach wit my pillow in my face so I could hardly breathe, and even after I woke up I felt like I wasnt getting enough air. I HATE that feeling, I always felt like I was suffocating in middle school for some reason. I thinkk somethings wrong with my airway but im not gonna do anything about it. im gonna continue to spend 80% of my day laying down so my resting heart rate and breathing speed is slower than an goddamn sloth. whatever.

right now as im laying in bed typing this I feel utterly unpoductive but I KNOW I did SOME shit today. but yeah mostly I relaxed. I worked on my dress, removing and replacing the blue front panel. I lost my exacto knife somewhere so I went to dollar tree to get a knockoff, along with snacks for mom and my sister. the blades aren't as sharp as exacto, but I still know where the name brands blades are so maybe Ill try and see if they're compatible. when I open the package everything was oily and gross, so I washed everything off with soap and water before I used them to cut the threads of the panel seams. I could have used my seam ripper but I wanted to get a replacement craft knife anyway. its kinda neat that it came with 6 different shaped blades for different crafts :) but uhh I also cut out the other half of the circle skirt of the dress, and I have a bunch of extra fabric left over. probably enough to make a whole other bodess if I wanted too. I used my sewing machine to attach the new front panel, and I was hoping to get more sewing done tonight, but when I asked my sister if it was ok for me to use my sewing machine (it right next to the wall between our rooms so she can hear it from there) she said she was going to bed soon so I just attatched the front panel and called it a night. so that kinda sucked. I still have another day tomorrow before I have to work again, and I can still work on my dress on Tuesday after work. idk why my brain thinks that one 4 hour shift is gonna take up my entire day lmao. I just have to get the whole thing done by may 2nd. GOD that reminds me, im gonna be so busy next month. I have six events back to back happening like every other day, plus work. oof. I'll have to let my boss know, but idk If that's gonna make him mad. I've already got pretty comfortable with the lady in charge of the garden center who’s taken lead position while the manager is on vacation, but I dont think I;ll every understand my boss. he’s a sarcastic busy old man and NOT AT ALL approachable. whatever. really the only other tings I did today were drink a shit ton of water play harvest moon, spend too much time on tiktok, and sraw a couple dum things for my friends’ princess au. I fucking HATE the drawing I did for Anna, so I designed her a secondary outfit more inspired by sky pirate bohemian vibes, since she rules over the floating islands. idk if I'll replace her old outfit with the new one in the lineup or just re-draw her old one with better shapes and composition and match the style better or what. I just need it changed eventually becasuse it looks like ass. tbh now that ve taken a little bit of time away from the princess au, there are a couple designs im not 100% satisfied with. but I know that if I go back and make them more detailed or whatever the’ll be more of a hassle to draw and aslkdfhalksdf I dont know anymore. I'm still tied up about color pallets and trying to give everyone a distinct color, and im a little upset it doesn't quite work, and FUCK dude the edgy one’s lore and character are weird and I kind of want to revise it to make it a little nicer but its not my character and I need to stop shoving my dirty little mitts into everyone’s ocs and AHAGHRGHGARGHHG idk man. her power is necromancy and she has a skeleton army, which I think I kinda cool, but I also think it would be neat if her powers extended beyond just that to communing with the dead, helping them find rest, and THEN maybe it can branch into helping fallen soldiers fight again to help them with unfinished buisness. and then if she goes feral and starts abusing her powers, she ignores all the communication and concent with the dead and instead magically rips them from thr ground to do her bidding and they’re uncontrollable and violent and aimless, just like her mind slipping from the magical blight infecting her. idk man we’re till working on a lot of lore. her concept could be SO COOL with just that little bit of extra thought, but so far it’s just MY POWER IS DEATH IM SO EDGY. ugh I know its fuckin rude to bash your friends oc ideas and I might be too overbearing and controlling of this au but dammit im tired and im mean sometimes and my ego is through the goddamn roof and im so sexy and im always right and my meat is huge. ah shit I rpomised my friend I would help her with character design for the dead king but I was busy when she firat asked me and now im not busy but im not doing it ugh. im just frustrated right now because I spent wayyyy to fuckin long just laying in bed watching tikotks and youtube and playing harvest moon an doing jack shit all day. but hey at least I attempted to get a new social security card again today. and them promptly gave up when they said my adress was invalid. again. I feel like im in an uncomfortable medium between having no plans and worrying about the future and having too many plans all the time oh my god. ive been so focused on getting a job and then having a job and making this dress I completely forgot about college shit. thankfully there's no hard deadlines coming up that I haven't already finished. whatever I dont really want to worry about all this hit right now, im just gonna take it one day at a time. (haha it feels like my angel oc just stepped in. how nice of him :) )

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily

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mellowtalepost · 4 years

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4/5/2020

I ran a very long distance today. I’ve been training for a 10k that might be happening in July depending on the state of the pandemic and whatnot. I’ve been following a training plan to get in shape for running that I found online, and every Sunday is a long run at an easy pace. Today, it called for me to run 7 miles. I actually ran 7.25 because I had to get to my car, so it was a little longer. Ran somewhere around 9:00/mile pace, my legs felt VERY shaky afterwards. That was the longest distance I’ve ever run. It was really fun though, I like long runs, they let me clear my head and just be empty of thoughts.

My marching band has a bingo board now, following that trend that’s been going around. I helped make it, it was pretty fun. I got 7 bingo’s, so that’s how involved I am in band lol. I was planning on practicing my tuba today, but I had a long practice session yesterday, like 3 hours, so I decided to give my lips a rest from that.

I woke up around 10:30 today, which was weird, because that means that I slept nearly 11 hours. I didn’t feel tired yesterday, but I haven’t gotten a full 8 hours the past few days, somewhere closer to 6 or 7 because my mom wants me to get up by 9:30 on weekdays to maintain a schedule. I get her point, but I had a schedule, it was just shifted a few hours later than she liked. Go to bed at 3, get up at 11, but I guess that didn’t work for her. Oh well.

We had chicken noodle soup for dinner that my mom made from scratch. It was really good, I had 3 bowls of it and the whole pot was empty by the time that my little brother and I were done with it.

DOOM Eternal is a very fun game, but strangely I can’t seem to play more than one level without feeling fatigued. It’s not that I get bored, but I just don’t feel like playing. It’s weird, because I used to be able to play games for hours and hours without getting fatigued, I think because I stopped playing for a while when I didn’t have free time because of my (now ex) girlfriend (not the one I can’t get over, a different one) and school and swim practice. Yikes. Every time I think of that relationship I get a little frustrated. There were some really good things about it, but also some really bad things, like 0 boundaries and immaturity and lack of trust (more on her end than mine, although I definitely contributed). We dated for a year and a half and it was good for 6 months, and then it started wearing on me bit by bit, then eventually I was just completely done with the relationship. I didn’t even need to get over her after we broke up, I had already done that without meaning to while we were still dating. I felt kinda bad for that when it happened, but it is what it is. It was honestly so freeing when we broke up, I’m outgoing and like to talk to people, but I also value my free time and time alone. She NEVER wanted to be away from me, so that’s a big reason why I didn’t want to date anymore. I could talk to friends that I hadn’t talked to for a while (mostly friends that were girls, completely platonic) in peace. That’s also when I starting talking to my last girlfriend. We’ll call her M for short because I don’t want to identify anyone on here, even if no one is going to read this but me. Since I could talk to girls without getting R (the other ex) mad at me, I starting talking to her about some drama that we both knew things about in marching band (platonically, I don’t really talk to girls with the intent to date them, romantic feelings kinda just happen along the way sometimes, and that’s how I develop crushes). We ended up getting along well, and talked more and more. She’s really fun to talk to, and some part of me regrets ever asking her out in the first place just so I could still talk to her without it being weird. Other parts don’t, because the relationship was AWESOME while it lasted. But I screwed things up, which is part of the reason why I think I still have trouble getting over her. I might go into detail about what I did wrong some other time, but that’s still pretty painful, and I cringe every time specific memories come up. Wow I really got sidetracked talking about video games.

ANYWAYS

I finished watching Sherlock for the 4th time or something like that, and I always love it just as much. It’s such a fun show, I appreciate everything about it (except the last episode, the ending of the series was garbage unfortunately). I ship Molly Hooper and Sherlock soooooooo hard. I don’t really get into fandom’s or ships much, but when I do, I ship HARD. Clara and the 11th doctor, Molly Hooper and Sherlock Holmes, Leo and Calypso from the Rick Riordan books, Percy and Annabeth, MMMMMMMMM I want them to be happy forever and it pisses me off when I don’t get closure on them like with Doctor Who and Sherlock. But I can imagine them happy together, which makes it better I guess.

Today’s song:

Hurt - Johnny Cash

I really like the different take he has on the song compared to the original by Trent Reznor, the pain of age and regret from a long life versus the pain of drug abuse. Somehow the same lyrics have an entirely different meaning. Reznor’s version is awesome too, but Cash’s version is less superficial in my opinion, there’s more substance behind his words. It makes me tear up by the end up sometimes because it gets so heavy. Just a very good song.

Be well.

#johnnycash #sherlock #relationship #doom eternal #running #blog

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smileymyungjun · 7 years

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Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (I’m not tagging anyone, you can do this if you’d like to!! :) )

I was tagged by @hongbins-wife (thanks, Vero)

Answers under the cut!

THE LAST: 1. Drink: Sweet Tea! (extra sweet ‘cause I’m trashy) 2. Phone call: it was either my mom or my boyfriend, I can’t remember 3. Text message: it was also the Romeo group chat (I have it named as “A Mess™”) 4. Song you listened to: Never - Produce 101 Season 2 Ver. 5. Time you cried: Yesterday lmao school was stressful and it has only been two days HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: Nope 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I haven’t actually kissed someone romantically because I’m not big on physical contact... oops... 8. Been cheated on: Nope. I’ve only really been in one long relationship, and it is the one I’m currently in. 9. Lost someone special: Yep. Loads of times. Whether it be a relative or a friend. 10. Been depressed: oh yeah, definitely. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah I haven’t really had alcohol and I’m not in a rush to have it either LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Red, like a soft or pale yellow, and probably Ocean Blue. IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yep! (that Romeo/more multi tbh gc is The Shit™ okay??? I love them all sm ;;) 16. Fallen out of love: If you think of like kpop groups, then yeah. 17. Laughed until you cried: Yep (lunch table, last school year towards the end) 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah, my boyfriend’s nasty ex. Trying to spread stupid rumors about us and our friends with one of my ex-best friends who left us to spread rumors and date the nasty ex :’) gotta love when that happens. 19. Met someone who changed you: sort of? I don’t change a lot about myself unless I really need to. 20. Found out who your friends are: Yeah :/ some are still here, others are not. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I don’t really use Facebook, so no.

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: When I had one I knew all of them cause I was like 14 lol besides maybe one or two I knew from a different state 23. Do you have any pets: A cat at my Mom’s and two dogs at my Dad’s! (and I visit my older brother’s place a lot, who has two dogs, a cat, and two fish) 24. Do you want to change your name: I like my name :) I couldn’t imagine myself being called anything else tbh 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I just sat around until my older sister came over to throw a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup at me. Oh, I also called my Dad! (my mom and older siblings had work, so we couldn’t do much. We did have cake when the next month came up :) ) 26. What time did you wake up: 4:30am I accidentally fell asleep at 5pm yesterday... 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping lol 28. Name something you can’t wait for: This last high school year to be over with because of how stressful it already is 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Thursday? She was gone for work today and I hadn’t left my room to see her, and then yesterday I slept before she got home. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: not really anything? I haven’t had the easiest life, but I feel I wouldn’t be where I am now if it hadn’t been that way. 31. What are you listening right now: Skyfall by Adele 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: One of my neighbors is named Tom, so yeah. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Seeing fans either crowding idols in public places or sexualizing idols especially minors 👀👀 34. Most visited Website: Probably Youtube, but Tumblr is a close second.

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: I have some moles, and then I have some scattered beauty marks (also moles but smaller? I guess? they’re basically the same thing) on my arms and face. 36. Mark/s: yeah, cat scratches. 37. Childhood dream: becoming a Pediatrician (I was and still am a weird kid) 38. Haircolor: Like a light/medium brown (fun fact: I was blonde until 7th grade and then my hair got dark really fast) 39. Long or short hair: it is a little long right now, but I’ve had it short before and liked it :) 40. Do you have a crush on someone: I mean yeah, I have a boyfriend so I’d hope so. 42. Piercings: I had my ears, but they kinda closed up years ago. 43. Bloodtype: I have no clue rip 44. Nickname: My mom calls me Beanie/Bean, and my bff calls me “space trash” so that’s about it 45. Relationship status: currently dating someone! 46. Zodiac: Pisces 47. Pronouns: She/Her 48. Favorite TV Show: I really like Criminal Minds 49. Tattoos: none 50. Right or left hand: Left Handed ;)) 51. Surgery: Oh yeah, I broke my leg when I was in 5th grade oops hehe 52. Hair dyed in different color: I have never dyed my hair, but I have thought about it! 53. Sport: I was in Marching band for two years, and a looooong time ago I did cheerleading for like 5 years 55. Vacation: I go to my dad’s every summer and he lives around 5 1/2 hours away 56. Pair of trainers: I have a few pairs of shoes? If that is what this means? A pair of “Sunset Orange” Converse (think Creamsicle color), a pair of Galaxy Vans, a pair of plain black and white Vans, and then a pair of MIA Boots. MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: Currently: Chinese food 58. Drinking Currently: Broth from soup if that counts 59. I’m about to: watch youtube to procrastinate from doing homework 61. Waiting for: the time for me to be able to sleep again 62. Want: less homework tbh 63. Get married: I’m not looking for any of that any time soon if I do. Not something I really see myself absolutely needing to do... 64. Career: I want to go into Astronomy! (maybe Astrophysics but we’ll see) WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: neither oops 66. Lips or eyes: definitely eyes 67. Shorter or taller: Taller (I’m barely 5′3″ everyone is taller than me) 68. Older or younger: older for now 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I don’t really care tbh 71. Sensitive or loud: both? 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: more hesitant, but troublemaker works too. HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: no, and I probably won’t ever. 75. Drank hard liquor: no 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lost my first pair of glasses in a torrential downpour at Disney World... 77. Turned someone down: yep 78. Sex in the first date: I can’t even kiss my boyfriend, so no. 79. Broken someone’s heart: I mean, he did like me quite a bit, so maybe..? 80. Had your heart broken: yeah like multiple times because some guys are just assholes but it is okay now 81. Been arrested: nah I am too much of a wuss to do anything 82. Cried when someone died: oh yeah definitely 83. Fallen for a friend: a little yeah DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: sometimes and it depends on what 85. Miracles: not a lot 86. Love at first sight: Not really 87. Santa Claus: lol nah 88. Kiss in the first date: no, wait until you’re both comfortable. 89. Angels: maybe? OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: I have two, and surprisingly both of them are named Taylor F. lmao 91. Eyecolor: hazel 92. Favorite movie: the Tim Burton version of Alice In Wonderland

#tagged #personal

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legggoes2qatar-blog · 7 years

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First Offshore Job!!

I went for my first job on March 6th and stayed offshore until May 8th when I got to go back to land for the casing break (after begging the company man to let me go to drink beer) then I returned to the rig for the last section May17-28th.

Here’s what I documented while offshore:

Day 1:

Arrived to the heliport at 5:30am. It is just like an airport but much smaller and no carry-on liquids limit! Watched a pre-boarding safety video, put on lifejackets and earplugs then loaded the helicopter. This was my first helicopter ride! I was surprised how gently the helicopter took off and landed, much more gentle than any airplane I’ve ridden. The platform we are working on for the next undetermined amount of time is smaller than I thought but from what I’ve gathered from other people this is a normal size except the accommodation is very, very small. I think the maximum number of people on here is around 200. I cannot see any land or buildings in the distance. However, it is quite hazy today. The water is a very pretty blue color and the waves today are bigger than I expected! Everyone has told me I will start hating all the blue soon but I am optimistic because blue is my favorite color. J

I am sharing a room with 3 coworkers. I am the only female on this rig. We share a bathroom with 2 other guys, 6 total. Due to the high capacity, there are no extra rooms to give me a private one but I don’t mind sharing so it’s a non-issue for me. Our room has bunk beds; I’m in one of the top bunks. There are curtains that go around the entire bed so you do have your own private area…kind of! The bed is comfortable except for the pillow, which is hard. There are constant PA announcements so it is not a little difficult to get a good night’s rest. The water depth here is only 12 meters so the waves don’t sway the rig, the drilling does. It feels like a small earthquake so I woke up twice confused because I wasn’t in California, haha! The food is very good! The water in the shower only stays hot for 2 minutes at a time so quick showers only.

So far I have enjoyed my first day offshore. The rig is still in set-up mode so we are looking at a possibility of not having anything to do for the next 3-7 days. I’m loving every second out here watching this operation!

Day 2:

We still have no internet. There is not much more we can do until we are granted access to the rig internet. After dinner, I got to go up to the rig floor and stand in the dog house (driller’s cabin) to watch them make up the Bottom Hole Assembly (BHA). We are starting a new well so the first section will be the conductor pipe; water table protector, largest hole size. The tools used to drill the conductor are huge. I’ve seen big bits before but never a hole opener! **Note to self: find picture of 36” hole opener to post** We should begin drilling tomorrow if all goes according to plan!

Day 3:

Still no internet—the struggle is real. We are able to call the base to talk to the Drilling Engineer and our Field Service Manager (FSM). Again, not much to do today. I learned a lot about running electrical cables and the sequence of the wires when using the crimping tool to change/add a head. We were supposed to start drilling today but it looks like we won’t start until early tomorrow morning. I am still enjoying myself. The SLB team that is with me is one other MWD Engineer and two Direction Drillers (DD). The DD’s are the age of my dad and the other MWD is 9 years older than me. All of them are very smart and funny. Hopefully, tomorrow we get internet so I can do some studying on the tools we are going to be running.

Day 5:

The mudloggers wouldn’t let us share their internet cable that runs from their unit, which is right next to ours, to the company man’s office in the accommodation and to the geologist’s office next to the accommodation. So, we had to run our own cable which required opening ceilings, drilling holes through walls and lots of zipties. It was a long process but, luckily, we have extra down time because there were some issues spudding the well. SLB won’t be running any of their MWD and directional tools until the 3rd section which was supposed to begin on the 10th of March but will likely happen around the 12th or 13th.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned how awesome the laundry service on offshore rigs are. You just put your dirty clothes outside your room and 3 hours later they’re back nice and clean. I think I would prefer staying offshore 24/7 if we got internet access. I’m still loving the ocean view!

Day 6:

I slept so good last night! Best sleep since being here. At breakfast, I convinced the kitchen staff to let me have some of the company man’s strawberries…early win for the day! They are running conductor pipe today so nothing to do for us. Still no internet access, which is real annoying. The mudloggers got their internet access yesterday. l won’t be able to access the internet from the accommodation, but I can in our unit. I didn’t properly prepare for coming offshore. I learned I should have brought less clothes and downloaded a lot more books, I guess not that many lessons lol! I am very appreciative of my co-workers, we laugh a lot and talk a lot.

I’ve been doing a lot of studying during all this downtime. I will be going to school sometime in June and July. By then, I will be very prepared. Most people do this schooling with no field experience and I will have 5 months field experience. Because I don’t have internet access, I only have the first two school’s information downloaded and I have gotten through that material so I’ve begun bugging our DD’s about their job. I got a lot of the DD school information from one so I can start looking through that.

Day 7:

Still no internet. In the accommodation room, on the 1st floor, there is a small collection of books so I won’t die of boredom after I finish the last 10 pages in the book I’m currently reading. I’ve also been collecting movies and TV shows from various people around the rig. I should have brought my big hard driver—another lesson learned.

This week has gone by fast. It is easy to lose track of the days. I’m excited to get to the section of the well where we start running our tools—it will be another big learning curve I am excited to learn but nervous about remembering everything in such a short time period. I will get to shadow during the 26’’ section and then be on my own for the rest of the well. Still not sure if they will keep me out here until Total Depth (TD).

Day 8:

We finally got internet access!!! We requested for 11 mac addresses to be granted internet access but they only gave us 4. So, to compensate we set up one of the laptops as a hotspot and now have wifi in the unit. But no one knows and no one should find out. It was so exciting to finally get on the internet and let everyone know I am okay. I had emails from people I wasn’t expecting and from people I wanted to contact to talk drilling stuff. The rig crew is installing to BOP so we aren’t neglecting work to play on the internet.

I was able to download two more books even though I already started a new book that I got from the Rec room. Progress is happening! I think I will be out here from at least another 2-3 weeks.

Day 9:

We are finally drilling. Still not running our tool so I have more time to prepare for my job. The other MWD out here with me is leaving to go back to land and they are sending a new MWD on loan from Algeria. I’ll be switching to night shift tomorrow, hopefully things will be calmer during the night shift and I won’t have to talk to so many people (company man/manager/town). J

Day 13:

Time is flying by! I can’t believe I’ve already been here for almost two full weeks! It feels like 5 days. Night shift is really relaxed, partly because we still haven’t run our tool downhole and partly because most people are sleeping so no one is bugging us for data. I miss the sun because I liked looking at the ocean and watching the waves. Today we had TWO drills. Went to bed at 7am, woke up for the first drill at 10am, went back to sleep for maybe 5 minutes and the second drill started. Thankfully, I was able to go back to sleep. I had worked a double the day/night before so sleep exhaustion helped to get back to sleep quickly!

The night DD is fun. He plays music and dances! He’s become like my second dad—very protective. He says he doesn’t like the other guys here asking about me and talking to me so whenever the driller calls for a survey print out I send Yuri up to deliver it. But if the company calls, I’m the one that’s sent. I’ve been put on a mission to figure out how the guys in the surface room are able to get on facebook when it’s blocked for the rest of us. My coworkers tell me I need to use my “woman power”. I just laugh. Disclaimer, no one has been rude to me, just Uncle Yuri looking out!

I’ve been assigned a mentor just 2 days ago. Turns out to be a Texas A&M alumn! I thought I escaped all the Aggies because I’m working in Qatar and not Texas! He’s been extremely helpful, kind and very intelligent. I’m very appreciative for all of his help and for all that he is teaching me! I need to figure out a way to thank him BIG for all he has done for me!

Day 19:

We have been on standby for 6 days now because of a bad cement job. I’ve been gathering 3-6 movies from people around the rig every day so my collection is getting pretty good. In the mornings I’ve been going up to the helideck to walk/run (running gets boring pretty quick without music and running in small circles). I especially enjoy watching the sun rise, it’s so beautiful over the water. Yesterday it was a really, pretty pink sunrise! I saw a big, brown sea turtle, first sea creature I’ve seen since coming here!

My normal schedule has become:

16:30-roll out of bed, throw on my coveralls, put on socks and crocs, brush teeth, head downstairs to the galley for dinner

17:30-walk into the unit, get the update for current operations and what happened during the day, joke around, get the latest rig gossip (yes boys gossip a lot!)

18:00-start shift

00:00-go to the galley (if operation permits) for some soup

5:00-6:00-go have breakfast

6:30-go to helideck (weather permitting) and walk/run

7:30-go take a shower

8:00-read until I fall asleep

REPEAT

Day 21:

The new joke in our unit has become “are you speaking English?” any time anyone has to ask “what”. It started because the other MWD from Algeria and the day DD from India have a really hard time understanding my English because of “my accent”. I also have a hard time understanding their English but we’re making it work. I’ve been learning some Hindi, French, Arabic, and Indonesian. Just a few words, mostly naughty words.

Day 23:

Today and yesterday have been long! We got H2S (hydrogen sulfide gas) at surface so we’ve had to muster for 5 hours total yesterday and so far 3 hours today. H2S is a toxic gas, smells bad at low concentrations but can’t be detected by smell at medium-high concentrations which makes it very dangerous. Our unit is located right above the shakers where H2S is usually located. Because I am working night shift, my sleep has been majorly disturbed. After waking us up throughout the day to stand at our muster stations with SCBAs on, when day shift went to bed they decided against having everyone muster and just have those working night shift to muster. So, us working night shift are getting screwed out of sleep. I’m ready to get this section over with!

Day 30:

We are experiencing problems with the well. We almost got to go home because it was going to take longer than a few days to remedy the issue but town called with a new plan that requires us to stay. I was looking forward to going back to land but I was also kind of bummed because I wanted to work with a Rotary Steerable System (RSS) that we are running in the next section. Right now it looks like I will be staying, you never know though, decisions are always made last minute!

The night DD working with me found some real coffee, not the instant nescafe crap! We don’t have a proper coffee machine nor do we have filters but in Indonesia they don’t make coffee the way we do in America. You scoop the ground coffee into your cup, add boiling water, stir, let it sit for ~5 minutes for all of the grounds to settle to the bottom and enjoy! It was a little weird at first but it’s totally worth having good coffee.

FINALLY BACK TO LAND!

As soon as I arrived on land, I dropped my bags off at the hotel, changed into normal clothes and met the Oil Installation Manager (OIM), rig superintendent and the mud engineer at a hotel bar to celebrate finishing the section. How good beer tastes after so long! After spend a couple of days in base testing tools and a few days sitting by the pool, I returned to the rig to finish drilling the well.

It was fun returning to people I knew. Drilling only took us about a week, the geologist called early TD because we hit water (not what you want when drilling for oil). One of the tools we ran in this run is brand new, only three in the world and two were on board with me. I was very nervous going into this run because I hadn’t run the older generation of this tool, never ran a LWD tool so I had to do a lot of studying and research to gain knowledge about the tool to be prepared for any issues during drilling. PLUS it was even more important for this run to go well because the tool is in the field test stage. Inshallah, all went really well and only took ONE run to finish! This was SO unlike the previous section where it took 9 runs to finish. It was such a happy feeling when TD was called. After all of the problems experienced throughout this well, I didn’t think we would actually finish it.

My first hitch offshore was great. Challenging yet rewarding. It was an experience I won’t soon forget! Now it’s time to prepare for school in RUSSIA!

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daemonmatthias · 7 years

Text

Yesterday... Imma call it a win. :)

In which I help a friend move and my power steering breaks.

Gotta love it when “adventure day”s turn out all ok. Though I’m still glad that we’re very familiar with the venue that the concert I’m going to later this month is in- I’ve had my adventure for the month!

Under a read more for length.

-Got up early -Went to the grocery store -Had my digestive issues flare up, causing me to leave for the grocery store and for my friends house later than I wanted to, but I still made it on time -Drove the hour to my friend’s house, promptly realized that I forgot my other friend’s birthday present AND the box of Kind bars I was gonna bring. -Someone parked on the street left and we decided to block that spot so that we have room for the uhal when my friend’s mom gets there. I volunteer to move into that spot even though I suck at parallel parking. -My power steering randomly went out for no apparent reason while attempting to parallel park. I eventually managed it despite the lack of power steering and with advice from friend’s roommate’s mom (who was power-washing the steps we would very shortly need to be carrying heavy furniture down). We were concerned about bad weather rolling in, so I decided to deal with the power steering after we pack the uhal. (A coworker friend lives nearby that could help me if needed.) -Got coffee with my friends and helped my friend pull stars off her ceiling. -Someone else parked on the street left and I did not have to try to move my car without power steering. My friend’s mom arrived with the uhal and said she could help me check my power steering fluid before she left. -With me doing most of the directing, everyone else brought the stuff outside for friend’s roommate's boyfriend and I to load into the uhal. (With occasional help from friend’s mom.) We got everything packed in like an hour and a half. -I was declared the tetris master, promised a medal, and offered books. (This is especially funny as I absolutely BOMB anything to do with spatial reasoning... unless it involves packing/moving. I don’t understand how or why.) -We still had no idea what the weather was going to do. I grabbed a quick snack and friend’s mom said she was going to leave. This poor woman has just driven 4 hours in a uhal on terrible, construction-y roads, helped us load said uhal, needs to drive 4 hours back and unload part of the uhal into a storage unit before actually going home, praying we can find some people to help unload during their drive back, and the entire drive was under an “enhanced” risk for severe weather last we checked. I said nothing about my power steering fluid. -My friends decided to wait to leave until I’ve figured out what to do. -I watched a youtube video about how to check power steering fluid. Other friend came outside with me to help me check mine. We could not find the right cap to unscrew. Friend’s roommate’s mom came to help, but could not find it either. -We all went back inside and I researched the recall that my mom had still been getting notices about even though I was told it was fixed at the same time as the last recall. It sounds similar but not exactly like what happened to me. -I called my mom and asked if she still had any of the recall notices lying around. She asked why and I explained what happened. She said, “hold on.” Then my dad came on the line. (lol.) I explained what happened. I went outside so he could try to direct me to the power steering fluid. -He tried to direct me. I looked by the firewall, I found what might be the steering column. I could not find any belts of any kind. Dad asked for a picture of my engine. -I sent the picture of my engine. He looked up a diagram. The bad weather was supposed to be here by now and it’s not. That made me nervous. I told my friends to check the weather and leave if needed. -My dad found the diagram. He said, “it looks like your power steering is IN the dashboard??” He looked closer and determined it impossible to check anything related to the power steering without lifting the vehicle. (My fiance has previously declared my engine “stupid” because “it’s laid in there sideways.”) -I got off the phone to decide what I’m gonna do. I explained the problem to my friends. They needed to get on the road. I told them to go ahead- our insurance has roadside assistance and towing, I have a coworker friend in the area, and I can always come back to this house and chill for a bit if the bad weather rolls in. They headed out while I looked up mechanics in the area. -I was still texting my parents. My dad looked up the recall. It still sounded similar but not exactly like what happened to me. -I found a repair shop less than a mile up the road. I decided to just drive it there (with my caution lights on). -I got all situated, turned on my cautions, etc. I backed up slightly, then turned the wheel.... and discovered that my power steering had been magically restored. -I put the car in park and texted my mother asking if I should still take it in. My dad called me before she responded. We all agreed that I should take it to the closest dealer instead because if it was the recall, a certified dealer would have to fix it. He also said to occasionally wiggle my wheel a bit to see if I still have power steering. (That way, if it goes back out, I won’t be discovering it as I’m trying to turn. I will be prepared to slow down more and crank the wheel harder when I need to turn.) My parents JUST paid off this car. There was a slight concern that it would not be the recall and that the entire steering column would need to be replaced, which would probably cost more than the car is worth. I would feel really bad about having to get a new car the same week they paid off my old one. -I looked up the closest dealer and (from outside in my car) texted friend’s now former roommate that it was back and I was going to the dealer instead. She asked me to text her when I got home safe. -Despite my quickly diminishing phone battery, I used my phone gps to guide me to the dealership. -I arrived only to discover that google lied about the hours and the service center was closed. (I appeared to have been given the sales center hours instead.) I then had to used said diminishing phone battery to text my mother, my fiance (who was about to be on break) and look up another dealership. I checked my console and armrest- the charger I thought I had in my car is not there. -I checked the hours of next closest dealership on their website instead of trusting google. Their service center was open until 5pm. Luckily, I was just a little bit further down the highway, so I did not have to use gps. -My fiance called on his break. I explained everything. He told me to put my phone in ultra power saving mode if needed. -I arrived at the next dealership and explained, “My power steering went out but then it came back and I don’t know what’s happening, so can I get it looked at?” -Guy immediately asked, “What kind of car is it?” I told him. He said, “Ok, that is an electric power steering and there is a recall out...” He told me it’d be too late to fix it today, but they could check the codes on it and to pull it around into the shop. I did so. They checked the codes, grabbed the printout, confirmed that my vehicle still has the recall on it, explained that it would take too long to fix it tonight (they close in a hour at this point) and I made an appointment for next saturday morning. (It will all be free as it is a recall, and they already have the part.) -The mechanics told me that if it happens again to pull over, turn my car off for a couple of minutes, and then turn my car back on. This will reset it and I will have power steering again. (Explains why it was “magically” back when I was ready to leave.) -Google said I was 33 minutes away from home. It took me 45 minutes despite it being Saturday?? I arrived home around 5pm.

We never got any bad weather at all. I don’t think it even rained. (I certainly never saw a single raindrop, but I will not rule out that it rained at my apartment as some point while I was gone.) I slept extremely well last night and today I am slightly sore (but not uncomfortably so).

#personal

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incendir · 7 years

Text

stop just a minute (we’ve got so much time)

from/to: icn/jfk

depart: 16:00

flight: kal81

the day sungjong leaves for new york is a big affair. howon rides in the sunggyu’s car with woohyun, myungsoo, and dongwoo. sungjong and sungyeol are in the car in front of them along with their parents, sungjong and sungyeol’s maternal grandmother, and all of sungjong’s luggage. even though sungjong and sungyeol’s grandmother and mother are barely holding back tears and won’t let sungjong out of their arms even as he laughs and continuously repeats that phones exist for a reason, the general atmosphere isn’t a sad one.

sungjong is right, after all - there are phones and computers and they’ll all be able to hear his voice and see his face as many times as they want and need to. he’ll be back between semesters for a month at a time, and for the summer for an entire three months.

after he checks in, they all walk him to the security gate to say their final goodbyes. howon stands back, almost to the side, and watches as everyone else hugs and kisses him - the youngest out of all of them, the last one they watched walk across that familiar platform in their high school to receive his diploma just a few months ago.

his carry-on is just a backpack - not the one he used for school, but a new one that sungyeol had bought for him when sungjong first received the acceptance letter to this program. he’s almost an entire head taller than howon now, even though when they just met, he’d only had a few centimeters on him. sungjong has also begun to lose his cheeks, the baby fat clinging to his jaw almost completely gone, and howon tries to ignore the pang in his chest when he thinks about how he won’t see sungjong finish growing up - he won’t be there.

he uses the time it takes for sungjong’s parents, grandmother, and the others to be completely satisfied in how much they’ve mussed his hair and nearly suffocated him to swallow down the rest of those feelings. this is going to be quite possibly a life-changing experience for sungjong, and he’s worked sleepless night upon sleepless night for this, and howon wants him to take the world by storm like he inevitably always would.

“this is a special occasion so don’t think i’ll let you touch him ever again,” sungyeol says, shoving howon forward by the back of his head. howon grins back at his friend, as he feels sungjong tugging him in by the arm.

he lets sungjong wrap his long arms around howon’s neck, face buried against the side of howon’s hair. howon pulls his own arms tight around sungjong’s waist and breathes in the scent he won’t smell again until december. “don’t eat too much shake shack,” howon says into sungjong’s neck. he feels the younger boy shake with laughter against him. “you won’t grow taller forever.”

“i’ll smuggle some back for you, hyung,” comes the reply as sungjong pulls away and smiles at him, eyes just a little wetter than they should be.

howon smiles back and pushes him with both of his hands on the omega’s back. “hurry up,” he says, as much of a laugh in his voice as he can inject without feeling his own eyes get too warm.

once sungjong is out of sight, howon feels woohyun’s hand squeeze his shoulder and sungyeol’s hand firm on his back. howon puts his hands in his pockets and turns to face them. myungsoo isn’t crying as hard as sungjong’s mother and grandmother are, but it’s a close call. “wanna get drunk?” woohyun slings an arm around howon’s neck.

howon glances at him with a half-smile. “you bet.”

03:18 d-4: hyung did u want the white one and sunggyu-hyung the red one 03:18 d-4: or is it the other way around 03:19 d-4: or did woohyun-hyung want the red one 03:21 ya lee howon: they r all for me 03:21 ya lee howon: only me 03:23 d-4: lol hyung srsly 03:24 ya lee howon: ur bringing both back either way 03:24 ya lee howon: we can fight for who gets which 03:25 d-4: hyungs battling to the death for hats 03:25 d-4: im down 03:25 d-4: pls provide popcorn 03:26 ya lee howon: no 03:27 d-4: no popcorn? :( 03:28 ya lee howon: hyungs battling for whatevers left 03:28 ya lee howon: i get first picks 03:28 ya lee howon: bc u love me most 03:28 ya lee howon: :) 03:29 d-4: i love whoever pays me back first 03:30 ya lee howon: u kno i’ll pay u back first and best :)) 03:32 d-4: lmao 03:33 d-4: ok fine 03:33 d-4: but only bc u drive a hard bargain 03:33 d-4: go to sleep 03:34 d-4: u have class in like 4 hrs 03:34 d-4: hyung omg 03:36 ya lee howon: miss u 03:37 d-4: SLEEP :( NOW 03:37 d-4: OR IM GIVING ALL THE HATS TO SUNGGYU-HYUNG 03:43 ya lee howon: the things i do for supreme 03:44 d-4: don’t let the sungyeol-hyung bugs bite 04:51 d-4: i miss u too

from/to: lhr/icn

depart: 9:30

flight: kl 856

there isn’t usually much traffic once howon gets out of the city itself onto the larger roads that lead him from seoul to incheon, but at around four in the morning, even the bit of traffic he usually encounters coming out of seoul is hardly there. it takes less than an hour today to get to the airport, and by the time he does, the first few barest rays of dawn are starting to peek through into the sky. he hadn’t slept at all tonight, afraid that he’d miss his alarm if he did.

he had work to get done anyway, and just started on whatever he needed to get through for next week once he had finished that in order to keep himself awake until it was time to leave.

the airport is as empty as the roads, the red-eye flights just beginning to land and most coming in on those planes are businessmen with chauffeurs from agencies and hotels waiting for them, holding placards with last names on them. howon goes to the board of arrivals, looking to make sure that sungjong’s flight was still due to land on time and to see which gate he needed to wait at.

even there, howon is fairly sure that he’s the only person who isn’t in a suit with a name-board. he takes his phone from the back pocket of his jeans. there aren’t any new messages he can look through because no one is awake at this hour, obviously. the last messages he received were from sungjong just before he’d gotten on the flight, nearly twelve hours ago. howon had sent him back suggestions for where sungjong wanted to eat once he returned, since more often than not, sungjong is hungrier for korean food than he is for sleep whenever he arrives.

sungjong had gotten on the plane and turned off his phone before he could read those messages, but now, when howon checks the chat, they’ve been read, which means sungjong’s flight really is on time, and he’s landed already - most probably reading the messages while waiting for his bags or during immigration.

people begin coming out of the gate about an hour after the arrival time that had been listed on the board. howon tucks his phone back into his jeans, hands in the pockets of his jacket as he bounces up and down on the heels of his feet, waiting.

the first time sungjong came home - from new york, after his two years abroad - they had all come to pick him up along with sungjong’s parents in the same way that they’d sent him off. it was like that when sungjong had gone off again two years later and when he returned a few weeks later. after three, four, five times, once it became sungjong’s steady career, and he began living with howon, it was either just howon or sometimes howon and sungyeol, or one of the others whenever howon just couldn’t make it himself.

sungjong insisted for a time that it was ridiculous and he could take himself to and from the airport by taxi, but howon thinks that’s more ridiculous and said exactly that to sungjong’s exasperated smile.

for the most part, howon knows sungjong understands now that howon does this almost as much for himself as he does for sungjong. from time to time, however, like yesterday, sungjong still tries to get howon to let sungjong take a cab. i’m going to land at five in the morning and you had meetings all week, hyung, sungjong had said, as howon watched him pack through his laptop screen.

you know we just eat and fuck around at those, howon had joked, grinning, and curling his fingers against the cotton of his joggers beneath the table - far from what the camera of his laptop could capture, where sungjong couldn’t see. he’d watched sungjong roll his eyes and smile back, not pushing further because even when sungjong had once told howon point-blank that sungjong was going to walk straight past howon and take a taxi even if he was there, howon had still come anyway, dragged a laughing sungjong to his car, and demanded that sungjong pay a fare since, after all, sungjong wanted to take a taxi so badly.

yesterday, howon had watched sungjong sitting on his suitcase, stomping on his suitcase, lying stomach down on his suitcase in an attempt to get it to shut, and he’d laughed and told sungjong that the omega was far too light to make even the slightest difference in getting it to shut - as well as asking him if he was trying to sneak in an entire year’s supply of fish and chips. he’d watched sungjong, and tried not to think about how, if he was there, he’d have jumped next to sungjong on top of the suitcase and they would’ve pressed it down together, each of them clicking the fastening closest to their hands.

he’d watched sungjong climb into bed holding the laptop and couldn’t help himself from imagining himself lying there beside him, one arm thrown over his stomach and the other pulling the blanket over both of them. he’d watched sungjong fall asleep through the screen of his laptop, and his finger hovered over his mouse pad for far too long before he brought himself to end the call.

“hyung!”

he hears him before he sees him.

there are more people than he expected now pouring out of the automatic double doors, and it takes him a moment before he sees the long, thin arm waving at him and the familiar suitcases piled on the luggage cart. he’s running in through the crowd before he knows it, around the cart and then his arms are around a small, warm waist and his face is pressed into a soft neck and he’s inhaling the scent of home.

18:13 overrated tokyo banana: flight got delayed 18:13 overrated tokyo banana: 4hr delay 18:16 bring me tokyo banana: shit 18:17 overrated tokyo banana: they said there might be more delays 18:17 overrated tokyo banana: bc it’s snowing so bad 18:18 overrated tokyo banana: hyung i think u shouldn’t come 18:18 overrated tokyo banana: i’ll just take a cab 18:18 overrated tokyo banana: if we even take off today 18:20 bring me tokyo banana: it’s fine 18:21 bring me tokyo banana: i’ll catch dinner 18:21 bring me tokyo banana: keep me updated 18:22 bring me tokyo banana: it’s snowing p badly here 2 20:01 overrated tokyo banana: idk if u alr saw but we r snowed in 20:02 bring me tokyo banana: i saw yeah 20:02 bring me tokyo banana: did they say when the next plane can leave? 20:03 overrated tokyo banana: no…. 20:03 overrated tokyo banana: they said they r moving us out 20:03 overrated tokyo banana: theres a hotel next to the airport i think they r gonna shuttle us there 20:07 bring me tokyo banana: call me when u get there or if anything else happens

sungjong doesn’t come home until new year’s.

howon had planned to take him out that night, christmas eve night, that sungjong should have landed had the snowstorm not escalated into the worst blizzard that both seoul and tokyo had seen in a fair decade. he’d planned to take sungjong to the christmas festival that they used to go to together when sungjong was in university, and then to see the display of christmas trees that had been put up near the square of shops beside their apartment complex.

sungyeol and myungsoo had also thrown a christmas party, expecting sungjong to have been home by then, and while they all still laughed and talked and drank until it wasn’t even christmas anymore, howon knows he isn’t the only one that felt the empty space - that they were all missing the person they were supposed to tease mercilessly and lovingly.

sungjong had video-called howon from the hotel room the airport had put him in later that night, the night he was supposed to come home. i had to wash my boxers in the sink and dry them on a chair, he’d said to howon’s unsympathetic guffawing. no stores are open so i couldn’t even buy new underwear, hyung, stop laughing.

that night howon listened to a good, solid two hours of sungjong ranting about the inadequacies of the airport staff and the various people who he’d watched make scenes in the middle of the airport and also the hotel lobby - from entertaining and dramatic to full-blown annoying and inconsiderate to the fact that everyone is stuck because of the snow and everyone had places to be.

maybe i should’ve just hopped on my suitcase and rowed my way back - it’s not that far, right? sungjong joked wearily, leaning back on the pillows and pulling his laptop closer to himself on the bed.

this is why you almost failed physics if it weren’t for me, howon teased, and sungjong smiled.

i almost failed physics even with you, hyung.

howon didn’t remember who had fallen asleep first that night. he just remembered waking up to his laptop having hibernated on its own, and a slew of messages in all of the chats he was in - from his group chat with woohyun and sungyeol, telling him to remember to bring quality alcohol or he’s not allowed in the house, to myungsoo reminding him to bring enough alcohol for the two of them once everyone else has passed out, to sunggyu threatening him not to give sunggyu presents for his unborn children because there’s been enough of that and to bring sunggyu something, to dongwoo pleading for him to bring food because no one else will remember to.

he opened all of the messages but replied to none of them yet.

before he went back to sort anything else out, he opened the messages he had saved for last.

08:22 i hate snow: merry christmas hyung!! !!!!!! 08:38 i hate snow: Image sent. 08:38 i hate snow: Image sent. 08:38 i hate snow: Image sent. 08:40 i hate snow: have fun getting trashed 08:41 i hate snow: beat myungsoo-hyung this time

they were photos of sungjong out in the snow, despite what he had changed his name in the chat to while howon was asleep. howon still has those photos saved to his phone, unable to stop flipping back and forth through them as he waits now at the gate for sungjong to arrive finally - six days later than he was supposed to be home, but howon would rather wait as long as it took if that meant sungjong would be flown over in safer weather.

howon assumes sungjong had taken these photos somewhere near the hotel - possibly just even in the parking lot or on the sidewalk, even though it really was snowing so hard, howon could barely make out sungjong’s face through the snowflakes and wind blowing his scarf around his face. it had snowed straight through the next three days before the storm finally stopped, and then it took another three days before conditions were safe enough and the weather wasn’t too dangerous for the engines.

sungjong had told howon yesterday that he was going to be on the first flight out the following day, and howon had only barely been able to sleep.

he’s done this so many times now - he’s fairly sure a good portion of the airport staff around all shifts know him - the people who work the bakeries and cafes around the perimeter of the arrival gates definitely know him, but for some reason, his heart still pounds loudly in his chest whenever he’s waiting for sungjong.

he’ll never say it’s easy because it isn’t. none of this is ever easy, and all of it has been so romanticised, but there is nothing fun or romantic or sweet about having lived together with sungjong for so many years now - the omega’s name is on the lease along with howon’s - but it hardly feels like they’ve shared a home at all. absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder is a load of bullshit because all sungjong’s absence does is make howon miss him so much, there are times he’ll just be gazing into sungjong’s eyes through the screen of his laptop or phone, and the realization of the situation will hit him with crippling pain - that sungjong is miles upon miles away and howon isn’t looking into his eyes - just an image inside a machine.

there have been so many people who have no idea what it’s like giving howon advice - whether it’s from his colleagues, to friends of friends who hear about his and sungjong’s situation from the others, to his brothers, to even his relatives. some of them have told him it’ll get easier, some of them have told him that long-distance strengthens relationships.

he doesn’t think it’ll ever get easier, and he doesn’t think he’s in any place to judge how strong or weak he and sungjong are together.

all he knows is that no matter how hard it gets -

“good news or bad news first,” sungjong breathes against howon’s shoulder, seconds after the omega has thrown himself straight into howon, backpack half off his shoulders and suitcase crashed to the floor at their feet.

howon clenches his eyes shut and holds sungjong so tightly that he’s pretty sure the straps of sungjong’s backpack will leave indents in howon’s arms even through the sleeves of the alpha’s thick coat. “my tokyo bananas got squished?”

“okay - that was the bad news,” sungjong’s voice is more muffled now because both he and howon are hugging each other so closely, howon doesn’t think he could breathe even if he tried. “the good news is - “

“you’re home?” howon asks, and lets sungjong pull away slightly - just enough so he can look up into the younger man’s face.

sungjong presses his smile against howon’s mouth briefly - too, too briefly. “that, too,” the omega says, “but also, sunggyu-hyung’s box wasn’t squished so we can just give him the squished ones.”

when howon surges forward to kiss sungjong back this time, sungjong’s beanie flies off his head.

from/to: icn/cdg

depart: 22:00

flight: tk 89

“you know,” sungyeol says, as he walks howon down to the security checkpoint, “i should technically be ripping your boarding pass in half right about now.”

howon grins. “you know, he’s going to come home in a week so regardless, in about a week’s time, you’re going to be seeing that ring on his finger and - regardless - soon we’re gonna be a real fami - “

“literally, you disgust me,” sungyeol cuts him off. “i should have killed you and fed your remains to my cats while i had the chance, but now my parents are expecting sungjong to come back engaged and he can’t be engaged to a box of organs.”

even though there are still quite a fair few people in the airport at this time of night, not yet so late that the flow of flights has slowed, it’s quieter than the usual hustle and bustle during peak time a few hours ago in the evening and late afternoon. the workers at the cafe howon always gets coffee from, sometimes with sungjong and sometimes for sungjong, while he’s waiting actually stared at him for a good few seconds upon seeing his suitcase as he and sungyeol grabbed a quick bite before going to check howon in.

he has a long wait until his flight actually leaves because it’s an international flight and he had to arrive two hours beforehand to get his boarding pass, so he plans to eat more once he’s inside and there are more actual restaurants. he’ll eat his fill at the airport and then opt out of eating on the plane. he plans to attempt to sleep as much as he can to minimize his jet lag once he arrives, although he has a feeling that no matter how exhausted he is when he gets there, he won’t be able to feel any of the tiredness.

howon pauses when they arrive at the passageway that leads into security. he turns to face sungyeol, and his best friend is looking back at him with some combination of exasperation, pride, and affection. “wish me luck,” howon says.

sungyeol snorts, yanking him forward into a hug and thumping his back fiercely. “you don’t need it, you cradlerobber.”

09:13 hoguma: r u up 09:18 jjongah: yeah 09:18 jjongah: we have today off 09:18 jjongah: skype? 09:20 hoguma: can u get the door first 09:20 jjongah: what 09:21 hoguma: get the door

when sungjong opens the door, he yells so loudly that howon has to push him into the room and close the door behind them before kissing him silent so that they don’t startle the entire floor. sungjong stares, open-mouthed at howon, nearly stuttering when he asks faintly what howon is doing here - in paris - when he had told sungjong just two days ago that he would be in jeju for a conference.

sungjong is still in thin, gray joggers and a black t-shirt. his hair is wet and messy, and howon is fairly sure that he’d just woken up an hour before howon had messaged him. howon himself had arrived near the middle of the night, getting to the airport hotel sometime early in the morning, showering, and eating quickly before driving into the city. he’d only slept on the plane, over twelve hours ago now, but he’s never felt more awake in his life.

howon answers without words what he flew out of the country for - he answers with a broad grin as he lowers himself onto one knee in front of the person he’s loved for the past ten years of his life and that he’ll love for hundreds more. he opens the box he’d brought all the way from their home, thousands of miles away, and he says, “i promise to follow you wherever you go, if you promise to always come home to me.”

something between a gasp and a sob slips past sungjong’s lips before he presses the back of his hand over his mouth, eyebrows furrowing like he’s determined not to cry even though that’s a fairly lost cause, in howon’s opinion, judging by the way the younger man’s eyes are already brimming. “will you marry me, lee sungjong?”

howon barely gets the entire name out before he’s being kissed within an inch of his life. the ring nearly goes flying out of howon’s hand from the force that sungjong throws himself forward with. howon lands flat on his back on the floor, toppling over with sungjong on top of him, dampness forming against the collar of howon’s shirt.

“yes,” sungjong whispers, leaning back and smiling, swiping at the wetness on his face with the back of his hand. howon catches the tears with his thumb. “yes,” sungjong repeats, louder, voice slightly hoarse before he dips in and covers howon’s mouth with his own.

#kktau #fic #hojong #i should have #never done this #why did i do this

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