#i am not even trying to describe 90 percent of that

[art-that-fucks-you-up-tournament]

SET FOURTEEN - ROUND ONE - MATCH SEVEN

"Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks" (1880–1891 - Ilya Repin) / "Garden of Earthly Delights" (1490-1510 - Hieronymus Bosch)

REPLY OF THE ZAPOROZHIAN COSSACKS: Uuuuuuooo I’m pretty sure somebody has submitted the world famous Repin with the fella holding his dead son, and yeah that one is truly harrowing and I think it should be in the final bracket cause it would sweep but Repin has such a range and it’s all very deeply felt and sensitive stuff. For this one he did a couple of versions - you could pick either because they’re both rich in a really immediate sense of humanity. Again on the technical side this is a truly bonkers piece of work because he stitched its elements together from countless studies of people he knew and the result is still somehow a Realist masterpiece rather than the patchwork amalgamation you’d expect.

And each figure isn’t just irresistibly human - he gives all of them so much tangible warmth (the riotous laughter! The attention paid to detail in their clothes! The irritated dog in the bottom left corner) and the fact that theyre all his friends and colleagues is really charming. Dunno if its like “molten lava” kind of evocation of emotion but it certainly makes me feel something. ( @idiotpalespiral )

GARDEN OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS: think it's one of the greatest odes to human imagination and it's insane that it was painted around 1500. it's hard to overstate how innovate and unique bosch's art is. besides, he probably hadn't even ever taken acid in his life, so i don't know how he did that (@cuties-in-codices)

(The "Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks" is an oil on canvas painting by Ukranian born Russian artist Ilya Repin. A large number of the "Cossacks" are modelled after either friends of Repin or people he saw around him, including the bald head belonging to the Grand Chamberlain of the court of the Russian Emperor who declined to be added and Repin painted in anyway. This painting measures 203 cm × 358 cm (80 in × 141 in) and is located at the State Russian Museum in Saint Petersburg. The submitter originally submitted the preliminary version of the piece.

"The Garden of Earthly Delights" is a triptych oil painting by Hieronymus Bosch. It measures 205.5 cm × 384.9 cm (81 in × 152 in) and is located in the Museo del Prado, Madrid.)

#art that fucks you up tournament #polls #atfyu polls #id in alt text #cw nudity #cw body horror #i mean this is so well known and also not a closeup so idk what to tag it for #i am not even trying to describe 90 percent of that

[leemillion]

CALLING ALL PRESTON GOODPLAY LOVERS (aka me)

IM MAKING A PLAYLIST

FOR THE ONE AN ONLY 😌

AND I NEED SONGS THAT REMIND YOU OF HIM. WHETHER THAT BE DIFFERENT STAGES OF HIS LIFE (canon or headcanon) OR YKNOW JUST WHATEVER GIVES YOU THE ✨VIBES✨

I’D LOVE SOME OUTSIDE OPINIONS ON THIS

HERE’S THE SONGS I ALREADY HAVE IN ORDER:

Introduction to the Snow - Miracle Musical (gives me the ✨vibes✨)

Look Who’s Inside Again - Bo Burnham (Think it would describe his childhood. At least a part of it)

Am I Supposed To Apologize? - Maria Mena (It’s %90 percent here because of a few short lyrics that would imply him discovering his love of theater. The other %10 is because I have a headcanon he’s a child of divorce parents.)

My Play - AJR (C’mon man it seems pretty self explanatory if you’ve listened to it. Plus it adds onto the divorced parents theory)

The Main Character - Will Wood (It’s literally him. C’mon man. The vibes. Also you cannot tell me he wouldn’t be a huge Will Wood fan.)

Hard to Be the Bard - Something Rotten! (He’s a writer✨ An artist✨ It can’t possibly be easy 😔)

Soldier, Poet, King - The Oh Hellos (Now this one is more the Performance Trio as a whole but still. Preston is the poet, obviously 😌 while Nerris is the soldier and Harrison is the ruler.)

I/Me/Myself - Will Wood (Because he's just so ✨gender✨ Plus if you headcanon him as gender-fluid it makes this even better.)

Oh No! - Marina & The Diamonds (A desire to succeed. To make it big in this world. He knows what he wants and he won’t stop at nothing to get it. He definitely has a fear of failure. And who’s to say he doesn’t feel like he’s the worst? He already acts like he’s the best. Who’s to say that’s not a cover up?)

Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic (Consider this the beginning of Preston Goodplay’s Good Play. He finally has a performance piece that people seem to like. He’s finally getting the love and attention he so deserves 😌 But at what cost?)

Non-Stop - Hamilton (Turns out his new performance is the only thing people seem to want. So why not just keep writing up new ideas for it? Sure he’ll eventually run out. But right now’s not eventually! He’ll just have to keep coming up with new ideas for it! Thing is it’s getting a lot more stressful than he intended.)

Left Brain, Right Brain - Bo Burnham (Oh Y’know just that one scene where he’s arguing with his own fucking reflection. Unsure whether he should sell out and give the people what they want, or follow what he wants with the risk that no one would like it.)

Show & Tell - Melanie Martínez (Ok this is getting ridiculous. They’ve started showing up to his practices and commenting on HIS writing process. It’s overwhelming. But what can he do about it? They’re his target audience. Well his only audience but still-)

Everyone is Dumb - Mazie x Everybody Likes You - Lemon Demon (Seems self explanatory. Everyone actually pays attention to him now. They’re excited for his performances. Everyone likes him. But they’re also stupid. It’s a stupidly simple performance that’s virtually the same every time. Yet they never get tired of it. Yes they like him, but is it worth it if this is the reason they like him.)

Shine A Light (Reprise) - Heathers (Oh y’know just the silly little nightmare he has :,D And then the hallucinations of his own reflection laughing at him. Plus him pulling out that prop knife uh- was he just being dramatic or??? Like he did have a bit of a psychotic break, man’s was hallucinating. How do we know he didn’t think the knife was real? Like was he actually trying to- y’know? Seriously is he ok-??)

Are You Satisfied - Marina & The Diamonds (He talks to David for a bit. And something’s called to question. Is he satisfied with this? He’s worried about his future yes, but then again what’s the point of making art if he doesn’t actually like it himself. It’s pointless. And he realizes no one else should get a say in what he wants to create. It’s his problem. No one else’s.)

Drama Club - Melanie Martinez (Honestly just doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinions anymore and that’s kind of a good thing. Even if they hate it. “Any reaction, positive or negative, is still a reaction :D” As tomatoes are pelted towards him. Honestly a healthier mentality than he had before. And I think that’s the end of the Preston Goodplay’s Good Play section of the playlist!)

Recess - Melanie Martinez (I’m here for Preston’s grandmother raising him and teaching him everything she knows 🗣️🗣️🗣️ Stg every lyric fucking fits. Also I think this could apply to his new mentality of “Fuck you it’s my art not yours I do what I want.” A nice little summary to the fiasco that is Preston Goodplay’s Good play.)

Mirror Man - Jack Stauber’s Opal (Mostly just gives me Preston vibes. His desire to become famous and what not.)

Art Is Dead - Bo Burnham (Vibesss man. “I am an artist, please god forgive me. I am an artist, please don't revere me. I am an artist, please don't respect me I am an artist, you're free to correct me. A self-centered artist. Self-obsessed artist. I am an artist. I am an artist. But I'm just a kid. I'm just a kid. I'm just a kid, kid. And maybe I'II grow out of it”)

Finale (Can’t Wait To See What You Do Next) - AJR (Honestly just thought it’d be cool to have the last song in the playlist be called Finale 💀 But I think it’s a nice little summary of his character. A final bow if you will 😌)

Anyways that’s about it. If anyone else has suggestions or input on the songs already here feel free to! Hell if you happen to disagree with anything feel free to. I love discussions about things I like :D Also feel free to suggest songs that you think I should add 😌 Gonna go pass out now baiiii

#preston goodplay #camp camp preston #cc preston #cc preston goodplay #Camp camp #camp camp headcanons #theater kid #i fucking kin this mf wtf #Tw implied sewerslide #Preston Goodplay’s Good Play #Playlist #character playlist #Precious theater boy✨ #Gonna go pass out now brb #i’m going insane

[winterpinetrees]

(Some of) the people trying to take over the world

Overthrowing a government is always dangerous, no matter how many decades you’ve spent preparing for it. What better way to prepare yourself and your family for possible death than with a game of monopoly stolen from the Human World? They are normally much better behaved than this. It’s just this family assumes that madness is the core mechanic of monopoly. (It would be too boring otherwise, right?) The coup was successful, for the record. These losers are the first family of an entire elf world. Now they’re going for the human one.

The woman in the back, wearing the crown, is soon-to-be Apex Ishtar Mercuralis. She should be taller, and built like a truck, but a meme format is a meme format. She is throwing monopoly dollars onto her second in command, Ryn Stormson Mercuralis. She is a noblewoman from the second most important genus, and he is a commonborn sailor turned advisor. They have one son, Fen Mercuralis, who is the noble elf equivalent of seven years old. He’s holding the microphone.

The biological father of the other two children is in the cardboard jail. He’s Arjuna Mercuralis, and they’re a former assassin and current stay at home parent. His two kids with Ishtar are Suen Mercuralis (female, ten, facing away from the camera) and Chandra Mercuralis (male, eight, lying on the floor). Lastly, the old white guy is Ryn’s seneschal, Callum. He’s about 60. Seneschals are elite human servants of the nobility who are part secretary and part emotional support. Callum has served Ryn for nearly 40 years now, and will be retiring soon. Ishtar also has a seneschal, but she doesn’t view hers as a person in the same way. Ryn’s closer relationship with his seneschal (but still one fundamentally based around ownership!) is a direct result of his commoner upbringing.

Of these characters, Ishtar and Ryn are the most important and will get their own posts soon.

You know what, screw it. glossary of terms below.

Apex: the elven title for the ruler of their entire planet. Has always been either the head of Gens Mercuralis or Gens Sondaica.

Genus (plural Genera, shortens to Gens): In the real world this is the term for a group of similar species. It’s derived from a Latin world for descent or lineage. I am using it instead of House to describe noble bloodlines because elves aren’t normal about nature or evolution.

The Human World: Here. A planet without any natural magic, populated by a whole lot of humans. Parallel to the elf world. It’s June of 2019.

The Elf Word: A parallel world to the Human World. It has the same continents and the same rough evolutionary history, but is populated by the naturally magical elves. And humans that they abducted a long time ago to do work.

Nobility: approximately one percent of the population of the Elf World. They form the genera, and those born into the nobility have the most magical aptitude. They reach adulthood at about 100, and die at around 600. Especially powerful nobles (like Genus Mercuralis) will age even more slowly. It is also possible, but very difficult, for a commoner to join the nobility through merit. This does not give them any additional magic.

Commoners: all elves who are not nobility. Around 60% of the population of the elven world. Depending on magical potential, they reach adulthood at 80-90 years old and die somewhere around 500.

Seneschal: elite human servants of the nobility who are part secretary and part emotional support. Some nobles view their seneschals as trusted companions, some more like service animals, and some like walking printers. It depends.

#by me #the gap years #my oc stuff #ishtar mercuralis #ryn stormson #oc #fun fact! I hadn’t fully decided on a name for Fen until last night

[dearweirdme]

If there is so little left than how are you so strong in believing in the Taekook?

Hi anon!

I can understand why you would think that, but those five moments I discussed in my last post are by no means the base of my believe in Tae and Jk’s relationship. Those are some of the moments that I feel are objectively signs of them being in a romantic relationship. Those deal with moments that imo aren’t fanservice, the actions can be properly described and the overall message they convey is undeniable (in my opinion, but if one were to be obstinate..  I guess even those could be debated… and that is often the case with anti shippers).

I’ve said this before I think, but maybe it’s good to repeat it, I’m not a 100% sure they are together romantically. As fans it is not possible for us to be sure of these things, because they do not let us get near their private lives (good for them because could you imagine the mess that would be). Anyone who says they are sure their ship is real is full of themselves. It’s just not possible. We can be fairly sure though, because we have seen enough to deduce meaning out of their interactions. If you were to ask me how sure I am… about 80 to 90 percent. So that’s pretty sure imo. This is going to be such a crap statement but, I just simply trust my gut feeling about this. Now that may not mean anything to you and anyone else on this lovely blog, because no-one actually knows me. Anti’s probably think I’m crazy, my Larrie followers probably think I’ve unlarried (no I have not), but some of you also seem to think I make sense. I know I’m good at body-language stuff, my irl friends and family even seek me out for these things… but for most people on here I’m just an anonymous blog person with an opinion. All I can say, I’m not here to impose my believes on anyone. I jut try to make sense of things and share my thoughts on here. So don’t trust me, but do trust your own gut feelings. And if we happen to feel the same about some things.. we might even be close to the truth.

So let me leave behind the objectivity for a bit and show you some of the moment that are important to my believe in Taekook, but which to someone else might mean something else. So, this is all going to be very subjective, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

The touches! OMG the touches…. I cannot state how much I am in love with the way Tae touches Jk. It’s soothing, it feels like he creates an anchor for the both of them just by the way he simultaneously seems to need to touch Jk for himself but also for Jk. I have often felt that them touching calmes them down. They seem to feel when one of them is fidgety/nervous/anxious and when possible touching is a way to reduce that. Jk does this by massaging Tae or just backhugging or grabbing his arm. Tae touches whatever part he can and will often try to touch Jk’s skin rather than just over the clothes.

Why did I not include this in my last rant? They do touch other members too. To me the way Tae and Jk touch is slightly different from when they touch other members though. Their touches are more intense, longer in duration, not intended to cause a strong reaction, but more soothing in nature. When members touch or hug or any physical interaction it’s often a short burst-like interaction. The beginning and ending is clear and the moment is over. With Tae and Jk though… they are never really done touching.

I’ve read people (anti’s) say Tae and Jk have no chemistry. I mean… I don’t know whether I should laugh at that or cry for those people being so bad at interpreting the signs of desire and attraction. Tae and Jk have consistently shown signs of attraction towards each other. When their relationship started to actually get physical I cannot really say, but there is this one moment always stuck in my brain that I personally find very telling.

Just the way Tae looked at Jk like he was seeing him for the first time and instantly though: yes, I want you. The licking his lips, moving his eyes over Jk’s face. Tae is making himself taller and that indicates to me that he is trying to impress Jk here. That is what attraction looks like. And then there’s this clip of Jk and Tae during a show.

To me this is Jk flirting/seducing Tae. It’s a seductive dance move and he smirks directly at Tae afterwards. There’s many moments of them flirting, attracting, seducing each other.. I could probably make an entire post dedicated to that.. but just a quick search on YouTube will probably suffice for those who want to see more.

Next… the stares! I have never seen two people stare at each other with this intensity. This live, was something else in itself but the stare..

… the stare lasts around 6 seconds!! That doesn’t happen between friends. I can’t recall any of the members staring at anyone like this. Only Tae and Jk. Why did I not include this? Because there’s always people going: ‘they were just being awkward’. Yes it is awkward, it’s awkward for Jimin.. not for Tae and Jk. There’s many stares I could also reference, but again… a quick search on YouTube will do the trick.

Last moment I’ll adress… because I also love Harry… the first Harry Styles show Tae and Jk attended. They were so happy, so clingy, so couply. Anti’s will say it’s just best friends showing skinship… but to me this is them being partners.

Even though these moments can be interpreted in various ways. To me they point to a romantic relationship. And there’s so many moments like this. Individually they can all be explained away, but all those moments together to me is the strongest proof there is.

If you want to read more of my babbling about this…

#there is so so so much anon #taekook #trust your gut #not what anyone else tells you

[dimalink]

Undercover Break – in case of videogame release

This day has come! A glorious day! Day of game release! I am very happy about to release my game! This is a very big event for me. In main, game was planned as retro game, like I B M PC MS DOS, or MSX2+, something like this. But for modern systems. Game is about patrol policeman. In a genre of racing with shooting. It is my such a theme.

Of course, I am, being enthusiast and a dreamer, already have a big plan in my mind about lots of continues for this game. But I will not say about the things that are only in letters. Just try to tell that there are ideas about to continue. About the idea that it is interesting for me to continue this game. I had even idea to connect with some USA musician from 80s.

And it can be a game like this also, one day. It was ideas about to add in game 2d part with shooting, like action games. Policeman walks with sidescroll view and shoot enemies. It was ideas to continue this title. It is about to make better some points. For example, to change algorithm of road. And in my code all events are connected with the road logic.

So, this will affect most hard logics and a lot of them. But this will require a better skill. Because, of there are some difficulties with programming. And it is all goes slow, sometimes. And also, because of hard points also, I can make a pause in development. So, that’s why, some powerful ideas I let to the future.

I will tell in a short about release title. It is a retro racing with shooting. It is made with interest towards 80s, vhs. You are a patrol policeman. You are riding like a racing game from point A to point B. And you patrol the road. You need to destroy bandits and chase street racers. You need to shoot enemies and to avoid city traffic.

You also have a turbine for speed up. Count that you are go in a patrol by the road. You have 13 missions. So, I already have written about a game itself in another articles. And, also, you can find lots of text about a game, at my website, about what it is and how to play it.

So, game is dedicated to action movies about policeman. Movies from 80s. Retro computers like Zx Spectrum. And 80s itself.

And at last, because of it is a release post. I can tell a littler about development process. Development was measured. It was some pause. In result, about a year of development. So, at first vision game planned to be simpler, than it become in result. So, during development it was added some cool features. Just like turbine and speed up.

Indicator of nearest streetracer. Also, a graphics was updated with ideas to make it better. It was added more details. So, at first, time I give some time for a thing called game play. So how it is playing. I test a game by myself. And, I setup different things. In a way to let it be more interesting to play. So, during development looks like I make a better some components of the game, according to initial plan.

So, how to describe game development process in a short way? I draw a lot, compose a music, think about gameplay, test gameplay, and 90 percent – all powers go to programming. So main deal is a programming.

So, yes, I can to draw a better graphics, to add more graphics. Or to put some time into a gameplay setting. But I decide no to do these. So, I have at the very first time some level of game. And I get this level in result. So, main problems were in programming.

So, for example, I have idea of some base part of the game in programming code. But at the end, I get the idea that it needs to be fully re written. So, development – it is mainly about programming. 9 out 10 – it is about programming.

So, a special theme, not only a retro. It is about vhs records. I have several vhs records. At the point of interest. So, theme of Vhs also existed in this game.

Videogame a little made like Taito Chase HQ. In a vision, that you have some car that you need to chase and destroy. And here you have indicator of nearest streetracer. So, press Z to see it.

Game interface a little looks like Highway Star. But here we have some another indication. There are typical for every racing game, like score and speed. First level in game - it is night city. So, I remember that in Highway Star I like a lot second level. But it is another kind of city. And there is more deep night.

By pressing ESC you get the pause. And not a simple pause, but with game statistics. With information about what you need to do to complete a level. So, here, there is amount of destroyed bandits and streetracers. Amount of check points. How many of checkpoints you need to pass. So, during the gameplay, you can easy to do a pause. Take some time. And check about track information.

By the way, game is made in a retro style. Just like Nes, for example. So, there is no saves here. But there is a pause. So, you can complete a level. And made a pause. After this – go next, and so on.

Title screen looks a little funny. It is made based on Duke Nukem 1,2. It is a cool funny game, by the way. Two first Dukes. It is 2d.

Music in game is made with synthesizers. It is electronic. In style of 80s. Rhythm tracks. If you have tired from music, then music and sound you can make lower, or turn off. It is a cycled rhythm tracks.

Only one moment, that I don’t complete. I planned this game for GameJolt and Itchio. And it is made in a best way. And I planned to set a game with a small price. 1 dollar. So, give me 1 dollar, dude. But, sorry, that at the game release, system PayPal for me don’t work. I wait a while. And make a decision to make a game free. It is not a big deal. So, if PayPal will available after some time, then I go back to idea to set 1 dollar price for this videogame.

And, in everything else, that was planned, everything is done. 100 precents. And there is thing for upgrade. One moment, about programming part. So, I will need to start a programming from zero again next time. Because, I get the ideas that some things need to be done another way.

But it is a normal thing. And so, in result, I can recommend this title for everyone who is a fan of 80s, who have nostalgia about that time, about computers of 80s like Spectrum, MS DOS, MSX, Vhs cassettes! I am a fan of NES game system for myself. So, I can recommend d this game also for fans of 8 bit game. You can play it!

 Undercover Break - retro arcade racing game with shooting. Game page - http://www.dimalink.tv-games.ru/games/undercoverbreak/index_eng.html

#retro #retro game #indie #indie game #devlog #pixel art #gamedev #arcade #shooter #racing #videogame #80s #eighties #police #patrol #chase #street racing #mad max #dirty harry #8 bit #16 bit #ms dos #gun #race

[imtwocool4u]

may 21 2024

Sometimes it's 2 am, I can't sleep, the last 5 times I saw you play through my head on repeat. , you sitting in my truck, hugging me and kissing me good bye like its the last time for 5 nights, holding eachother so tight.( I can't flip a pancake for anyone else, can't do a lot anymore, can't see myself going to montreal anymore just to walk around and wonder who you took, how happy you were, how you were able to leave for a few days, i cant be hurt, in all those emails i wished you travel where youve always wanted,) balling your eyes out on valentines and i couldnt feel it back til now, got me up late nights,(reading tumblr messages, emails,) wondering who or what keeps you up these days, sometimes I don't know why I let you drive away that February night, what was wrong with me, everything i wanted was finally standing in front of me, telling me she wanted the same stuff as me. Couldn't remember a dream for 10 years, now all I see is you.

Do you think about it at all?

Do you still think about us?

Why am I thinking about all of this, I'm happy I swear it.

Idk why it hasn't faded away for me, so much was left unsaid, questions I want to ask but don't know how to reach you anymore, reach as in maybe its all make believe for me, reach as in how do I say this, to quick hellos& life updates. reach as in how do I reach you when I know you got a man, or a man you grocery shop with, and I know how loyal of a person you are. Do any of those lines bend for me like they do for you on my end? Are all these secrets still safe with you?

Maybe I didn't put the time and thought into all of that before pushing you away in feb.

Do you still listen to those playlists you made for me?

What if I wanted to see you again, talk to you for 15 minutes,catch up, hear about your life these days, hear your voice. The girl stuck at the gas station. What do you think about that would you meet me, would you even want to talk to me?

I hope you're happy, I wouldn't want to jeopardize your happiness, put anything for you at risk, thats why I didnt text any of this stuff, and if it is real, I hope he treats you better than I did, doesn't take you for granted, I hope you don't fight love anymore, maybe sometimes it felt like you did. The future is here now, not the one I always. talked about, but you know.

This isn't me trying to fuck anything up, it's just left over feelings and thoughts, muddy webs, and unfinished is all.

Will you even see this?

Do I feel all this because of the life I have now, second guessing how I'm feeling? Got me second guessing next steps, life decisions, rings and cribs, picket fences, got me taking chances, saying things I shouldn't.

Second guessing as in am I making the right decisions,

How I got everything with her I wanted with you, and I'm still writing this stuff? How I post 90 percent of my snap stories, hoping you'll see them and you never do, parts of me hoping u still care how I'm doing or where I'm at in this big world

Will you think less of me for feeling these things? Will you be mad at me? Have you let it all go yourself? Why are these things haunting me? Do you have any answers

I need to just drop it, have you ?

Hit me back, if you want, maybe you don't have much to or anything to say, but I'd just like to know, you read what I'm feeling. My phone works even if you just want/need to talk,

my digits still the same, I hope I hear from you, if you get the urge to call, my lunch is still the same time, but it can be whenever.

I get if you have nothing left to say, you'll always have my friendship, parts of my heart. would be nice to know you at least saw this. Idk how much you're on here anymore, maybe you're too busy in your new life for all of this.

what's your thesis on this?

how else do I describe this?

I do miss your opinions, I miss my bestfriend some days, the person I grew up with. fuck it maybe i miss u, and maybe I still love you, just so you know, is that sooo bad, aren't I allowed to?

do you miss me? is it too late? Too late for another good bye?

Yeah, I've edited this, said things differently, maybe I'm so wrong about everything, maybe I'm jealous about somethings, I'm man enough to admit that.

I thought I would've heard from you, about this, but maybe I won't.

[synesthesiac31]

     I have experienced synesthesia since I was a child, mostly while listening to music. It is said that less than five percent experience this phenomenon. I can't tell you where it comes from and why. I just know that it is normal for me to have these experiences. I actually wonder why most people do not experience music the way I do. I have read that there is research being done to explain this "condition." So, apparently it is being acknowledged.

I have always been a little different, I suppose. I felt that from a very early age. "Gifted" was the word used a lot in my elementary years and all the way through my high school years. I don't know that I would call myself "gifted." A little too in touch with my senses, maybe. The sound of music has always been my utopia, for lack of a better word. My earliest memory of music consisted of a particular bassline. I'll get into that at some point.

    Exposure to all different kinds of music was a constant in my life, even now. I grew up with my mother cleaning house to Sade, Carole King, Aretha Franklin, The Staple Singers, Anita Baker, Stevie Nicks, and Tina Turner. On the weekends, she would record videos that played on MTV and VH1 on an old, clunky silver VCR. The "remote" you would flick the switch up to record, flick down to pause. She ended up with these mountains of VHS tapes containing nothing but music videos. I have probably seen just about every music video made all through the 80's and 90's. Maybe.

    My father played six-string and twelve-string guitar. He played just about anything but he also used to play music with my Tata (grandfather). I don't really know how to describe that music. I guess you can call it Mexican folk music? Mexican country? All I know is that I have never heard it anywhere, ever, except when my Dad played that guitar and my Tata played his accordion. Now that they are both gone, I know that music is gone with them. My Dad was also very eclectic. Growing up, I watched him blast Jimi Hendrix, Neil Young, Creedence, Mexican Banda music, Norteno music, traditional Native American music, just about everything.

    So when it came to me and music you can only guess the love I have for it. Music has always spoken to me. I learned to read and play music in elementary school. I played reed instruments. I don't anymore, but the reading of music has stuck with me. So, when I hear a song that changes time signatures, or a song is played in an odd time signature, I get all goofy excited because I actually know what is taking place as it happens.

    As far as the synesthesia part goes, I don't know how to fully articulate, but I am going to try. This has always been a natural thing for me. I don't understand how someone else isn't as blown away as I am when something awesome in the song happens. Upon hearing something totally beautiful, I usually associate it with something in nature, like the ways waves in the ocean are formed. Or the way the desert canyon smells sweet after a good monsoon rain. This is also music in a different form.

    Now, if you know who I am and know anything about me, you know I love me some heavy metal, and more specifically I love doom metal. I listen to many genres of music, but metal has my heart. This extends to space rock, desert rock, stoner rock, sludge metal, and psychedelic rock. I do hope you are familiar. More than anything I love the slower, groovier metal. I adore heavy bass riffs. The kind that groove back and forth like the ocean does. I can get lost in bass lines all day, every day, probably for the rest of my life, and beyond. The connections to this blog will all come together by the end of the series, at least, that's what I'm hoping for. I'll pick a song each time I plan to post and I will dissect it according to my senses. I will also include a link and time stamps. Maybe you will find you are a synesthete yourself. Or maybe it will give you a better appreciation of the piece of music. All I know is, I am truly captivated by music and the way I experience it. Maybe my kids will find these one day after I am gone, many, many years from now, and they will appreciate it. Or they can say, "Shit man, Mom was bonkers!"

    I will warn you though, some of these experiences of musical landscape were done with psychedelic assistance. A few, not all. All that really did was intensify what I already experience on a normal basis. I am not telling you to do the same. I am not here to preach anything either. Take it for what is is. I hope you enjoy these next however-many posts. Share when you feel the need, comment as you feel the urge to do so. But if your vibe is at all negative, you know right where the hell the door is...Thanks in advance for reading.

-A

#synesthesia #synesthete #music #interpretation #senses #visualize #Spotify

[brainslikeme]

Intro to this

Hello,

I have never written a "blog" before or even post something that will have my opinion out on the internet but I have some free time and would like to write. Now bare with me because I was never good in English class or even one to read a lot. So for everyone who has perfect grammar I apologize in advance. I have named this account brains like me mainly because it was one of the only names left for me to choose but also because of what I wanted to write about. If I had just one word to describe myself it would probably be different. Now if you know me then maybe you are reading this and thinking that me being different is full of it but in reality the person who you are when you are with people and who you are by yourself are very different. Very different. When I am hanging out with friends or family I am outgoing, I am talkative, involved and just in general friendly. When I am by myself it is completely different. Granted, normal people don't talk when they are by themselves but this is different. Im shut down, my brain is everywhere. Wether it's thinking about one thing extensively or 100 things extensively my brain is always thinking about something. I don't communicate feelings but truly sometimes I just don't feel feelings. Does that make sense? Writing that doesn't make sense but when I think about it, it does. Now I'm not going to share information about my personal life to explain it but Im sure most of you guys reading this will understand this. Anyways, to myself and how many times I have been told that I can be multiple people at times I feel like I have a complex brain, I have a complex way of thinking of thoughts, feelings, emotions and more. A little bit about myself for context, Growing up my parents were divorced. I have 3 brothers and by no means am I "wealthy". As a lot of kids I grew up having to struggle for some things. My power went out a couple times due to money, we had to store water incase out water got turned off from the city, we bought fast food for our meals because it was easier to afford that than buying groceries. To make that makes sense if we spent 40 dollars a week on meals it was to my mom cheaper to do that rather than drop 250 on groceries for the month. Being an adult now I understand that is completely wrong and we wasted so much money but its just how it is. Up to 18 years old I never ate 3 meals a day, It was usually one or two and it was 90 percent of the time fast food. I played baseball my whole life but was by no means healthy. I vaped, I never drank water, I was terrible in school and I would get sick so often I thought my career was going to be a test subject for diseases. When I moved out I started getting my act together. I began to read, began to eat 3 meals a day that we're healthy, meditated, worked out and learned how to be better. Now by no means am I close to perfect but I think apart of trying to be perfect is starting to be better. So I'm trying. To essentially shorten this down for just in intro on the blog I wanted to release topics or events that happen to either myself or even the world that hopefully Im not the only one who thinks the same about it. Even if its not an opinion you agree with I think its an opinion worth sharing, right? Isn't that what life is about nowadays? Opinions? If you are reading this far I want to thank you, thank you for listening to what my brain is processing this moment. Who knows maybe I post every week or never post again. I don't communicate well, and for me I believe doing this will relieve some stress or thoughts that even for myself I don't need to release.I believe I need to release. Ive struggled with emotions my whole life so who knows, maybe this is a first step to being better.

Thanks,

#self improvement #success #thinking #life #understanding

[batteredwarriorstillstanding]

As I pulled into the facility's parking lot, a text message from my sponsor arrived. It was a duplicate of another he had sent roughly an hour prior that I had noticed, but did not bother returning. 12 step programs suffer no shortage of "wanna be", "pretend," and "use-ta-be" badasses. This guy, however, was the real deal. Though in his 60s, and only about 3 years from his "down and out" homeless phase that is seemingly a rite of passage for many before the unbelievably uncomfortable and counter-intuitive to the ego work prescribed by "the program" becomes something they are willing to actually try. Despite thiskings, no trouble believing his stories of big money drug dealing with outlaw biker gangs, shootouts with rivals, prison killings,etc....and my default setting is to label most of these stories from meeting goers,as well as the people telling them as bullshit. It's similar, I suppose, to speaking with Vietnam veterans....there weren't any cooks, transport personnel, members of entire battalions that saw little to no combat (and, actually, there were MANY) Strangely enough, about 90 percent of the Vietnam vets I met were special forces soldiers....if they to me about any of their assignments they'd have to kill me because it's still classified, etc....similarly, nobody, particularly someone unknown to his new audience, wants to describe themselves as a run-of-the-mill drug addiction, either. It's a human proclivity that is understandably even stronger amongst our flock. Anyway, this guy was an exception. He was no joke. Anyone who spoke with him for 5 minutes could be certain of this. On this particular day, however, the grizzled soldier of fortune seemed not so bold. "Come to my apartment. I am not in the office." I rolled my eyes. What is this guy, hiding? What a putz.

I had raced to the facility that day because my former dream-girl had been fired (I say "former" because I had been tangled in an often-great, but also incredibly difficult relationship with someone I very much moved, but was nowhere near prepared for, over the past couple of years. She too, was involved in a long-term relationship that did not show any outward signs of cracking until I was far too entwined in my current situation to even seriously think about anyone else. But, truth be told, I still thought of her as The Ultimate Female, and she had become something approaching a friend over the years. My plan was to secretly congratulate her for freeing herself to take a different job (employees at such facilities make nothing, and are exposed to constant bullshit....particularly at this particular complex, which was coed and housed 110 addicts) and also to let her know how much I truly looked up to her, in a sense, wish her well, and express an interest in staying in touch.

My first inclination was to hit the office first. Say my piece to The Woman, then go tell my sponsor what bullshit it was that she was fired(I knew enough about what had occurred to form this opinion: Was there texhnical cause to fire her? Yeah. Did it "have to be done"as he was claiming to everyone he spoke with? Not at all. And now he was hiding in his apartment, sending multiple texts in order to direct traffic away from the office. She was immensely popular, but there did not appear to be the crowd of well wishers,bidding their respects, that I expected. In fact, it looked and sounded fairly empty. Then, I heard her voice. I couldn't make out what she was saying, but it was obvious it was to someone on the phone. Wanting to both respect her privacy and avoid a repeat of an unpleasant incident years prior, I walked past her, wondering if she saw me through the window, and knocked on the fugitive's door.

[nxfelibatae]

pose || jimin x reader [pt.3]

When the opportunity presented itself there was no way you were going to let it go, only 10 days to make a boy fall in love, It must have been easy, but you let yourself be carried away by your feelings, and nobody should risk their heart to the ones who are addicted to play with it. Love disguises itself in many ways and it hurts when you find out it was all a lie.

pairing: fuckboy! jimin x reader!

word count: 7.3K

genre: Fluff, slight angst, light smut, how to loose a guy in 10 days AU

warnings: Alcohol use, sex references, slow burn, swearing. Everybody it's kinda lying. That's pretty much it.

A / N: inspired by the movie How to loose a guy in 10 days. First work here so please be nice guys :(. It's a two people work.

PART 1 | PART 2  | PART 3

PART 3

Day 10

'Wake your ass up!' Nayeon screams from the other side of your bedroom door 'Breakfast is ready and if you don't come out I'll eat everything on my own, you know I'll do it!'

A groan came out of your mouth when you heard her walk away from the door. Pressing a pillow against your head and closing your eyes tightly to combat the noise and the annoying daylight making its presence between the curtains of your room, wasn't too helpful, you could hear her shout your name again, followed by another threat about going in to get you out of your hair.

You knew that the only reason Nayeon was being so considerate was because she wanted to know the details of your get away with Jimin. Was it proper to call it a date? It was weird to even think about it, but you actually enjoyed it. As you open your door to avoid another shout from Nayeon, you let the smell of bacon and pancakes invade your nostrils.

The kitchen isle had always been the place to have breakfast, any day of the week. Being an apartment of two students, a dining room was not affordable and you would rarely use it. You let all your weight fall into one of the high chairs in front of the ivory table, you were clearly tired due to the few hours of sleep. Nayeon looked at you and gave you a mischievous smile as she places a plate in front of you.

'It smells really good, Nayeon. Thank you. ' A grateful smile takes place on your face, Nayeon smiles in response as she sits across from you with a large cup of coffee. 'How did you get home last night?' The tone of your voice was curious and concerned, since the night before you had only checked her room to make sure she was still alive, ignoring completely the fact that you didn't know how she got home safely.

'Oh, Mark called a taxi for me. He made sure I got home safe, he followed the driver in the app ... '

Your eyes widened in surprise. After the events of last night, the most logical thing for you was that Mark brought Nayeon home, because in your opinion his attitude was flirtatious towards her in various ways. Nayeon laughed loudly at that, assuring you that they were just friends and that he was just being nice.

'How sure are you about that?' You asked curious.

'Hundred percent sure.' Her tone drips on confidence. She takes another bite of bacon, grabbing it with her tiny fingers. She has the habit of eating with her hands sometimes.

'And that's because ...'

'He has a girlfriend, you silly,' she spits smiling 's * She arrived like five minutes after you ran away with your new boyfriend. Small, good-looking, likable, you know? But obviously Mark wouldn't leave her standing there just to take another girl home, so I told him not to worry and that I could get back on my own, he was really nice and called the taxi for me and offered to pay for it , but I rejected his offer, once I got home I texted him to let him know I was safe in bed. ' taking another bite of bacon, she finishes her story.

‘I see...’ you murmure, avoiding as much as you can the whole date with Jimin topic. You were worried about Nayeon taking too seriously this whole situation with Jimin, when it was really just a game, a story to write an article about. The idea of ​​Nayeon giving you advice wasn't what made you anxious, it was her messing with your head, giving you wrong ideas of what you felt you had under control. Did you actually have it under control?

‘So...’ she says smiling like the Cheshire cat from Alice in wonderland.

‘Nayeon...’ you warn, not letting her mess around with questions. It was too early in the morning, or at least for you, to talk about this topic and let it spin around your head again.  

‘Come on!’ She whines with sad puppy eyes. ‘I just wanna know how did it went. Where did you go? Was he nice? Was he a gentleman or is he the asshole everybody says he is with girls? Did he tried to kiss you?’ You felt overwhelmed with every question that Nayeon threw at you quickly. When Nayeon was curious or excited about something, she could speak really fast.

Blinking a few times and after taking a sip from your coffee, you took a long breath to begin answering your best friend's questions. ‘We went to grab some dinner as we said we would. He took me to this 90’s styles restaurant not far from where the party was and he was actually...nice I think? I mean he was polite, he didn’t looked at the waitress  as I thought he would, he opened the door for me when it was necessary and he also paid for the food. We talked a little bit, exchanged phone numbers and before I knew it was 4:00 am, so he brought me back home and yes, he tried to kiss me at the front door but I told him I wanted to take things slow and then slammed the door almost in his face after I said “get home safe, good night”. That’s it, that’s all it is to tell’ you took another bite of a pancake drowned a little too much in maple syrup, not giving much attention to the fact that you had a date just a few hours ago and you almost got kissed at the door.

‘I am not surprised at all that he tried to kiss you, actually. I am surprised about the whole polite thing he’s playing, you know? I’ve never heard of Jimin doing that with other girls’ she says frowning.

‘Maybe he’s trying to act different with me, but…why?’ You say with a shrug. ‘Anyways...I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would, you know?’

‘You mean you like him?’

‘I mean, yeah? Not in a romantic way, I just think he’s nice, I don’t know how to describe it.’ Your shoulders rise to emphasize your indifference.

The conversation is quickly interrupted by the doorbell, the two of you look at each other confused wondering who could be, since none of you expected visits.

‘Maybe is the mailman, I don’t know, can you check it? I'm in the middle of my pancake.’ you two laugh when you shove half of the pancake into your mouth.

Nayeon runs to see through the peephole and let out a gasp when she realizes who it is.

‘Who is it?’ words cannot be understood because your mouth was still full.

‘Umm, I think is for you.’ She answers with an excited smile as she holds you by the shoulders.

‘But, I said I wasn’t expecting anyone.’ Pieces of pancake flew out your mouth making Nayeon feel grossed out about it.

‘You might want to finish that quickly, because Jimin is waiting for you outside with a bouquet of flowers.’ Your roommate says wagging her eyebrows mischievously.

‘What?!’ Her words took you by surprise and thanks to the exaggerated amount of food inside your mouth, you started to choke. Nayeon took action and started tapping you on the back as you took a few sips of coffee to help the food down your throat, what was going on? Why is he here? You thought he would text you to set a place to meet at, not appear unannounced at your doorstep.

‘Are you okay?’ Nayeon asked worried about your condition.

‘I am, but what is he doing here?’ You murmured just to make sure he won’t listen to you.

Nayeon and you start arguing under your breath, while on the other side of the door a desperate Jimin rings the bell again.

He thought about the flowers on his way to your house caught by a red light that made him stop next to a flower shop where this beautiful flowers were displayed, he immediately thought of you, which seemed very strange to him, but at the same time made him think about the points he could earn with that detail.

Jimin made a left turn where he found parking, his next move on you was to take you on a romantic date, girls love that kind of things he thought.

‘Hey man, how much for the flowers at the front?’ Jimin asked taking his sunglasses off as he entered the shop.

‘The Roses or the Lilies?’ Asked back the florist cleaning his hands of what the floral foam had released after arranging a new bouquet.

‘I don’t know about flowers, the red ones?’ Jimin answered not really sure about it, the florist just laughed at his lack of knowledge.

‘The roses are 68,000 won’ The florist walked directly to the bouquet followed by Jimin, ‘I see you're the passionate type.’

‘I’ll take them.’ The florist took them to the front desk where the tools and wrapping paper were so he could arrange them ‘Why you say that?’ Jimin asked while watching how delicate the florist was with the flowers.

‘Well, red roses signifies enduring passion, that's why.’

He smirked a little at the comment ‘Do they?’ Jimin handed the money and left immediately, as he crossed the shop’s door he puts the sunglasses back on.

That was weird.

The sound of the motor made him put his feet on the ground, leaving the subject completely aside.

Buying flowers for a girl was not something normal for Jimin and now he was outside this girl's place with a bouquet that until now he had realized had cost him at least three whole meals at his favorite restaurant.

After arguing for what seemed like forever to you, Nayeon eagerly pushed you towards the door, encouraging you to open up even though your hair looked like a bird's nest.  Taking a long breath and trying to straighten your hair as much as possible, you open the door revealing a smiling Jimin in ripped jeans and black boots.

‘Hi.’ He said, caught up by surprise after your random look in mini shorts and stained blouse. ‘These are for you.’ He pushed the bouquet towards you.

Smiling you took it, appreciating the gesture and the bright color of the flowers. ‘Thank you...’ You took a step outside as you closed the door behind you, not letting Nayeon hear any further your conversation. ’I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon.’ A nervous smile appeared on your face when you put a tuft of hair behind your ear.

‘Well, you did say that the second date depended on me so…’

You giggled at his answer. ‘Jimin I meant that you could text me so we could hang out again. I was not telling you to show up at my door by surprise.’

Jimin knew, you delivered the message very clear, but with the clock ticking against his favor, he had to take every opportunity and risk to make you fall for him as soon as possible, reason enough for him to buy the flowers in the first place too.

‘Right. I knew that.’ He started his next move, trying to be cute and looking embarrassed, a quality he really lacked. Jimin is usually described by his friends as the most scoundrel in the world. He knows that playing the innocent guy is a risky move but, again, all risk and opportunity had to be taken in this situation.

An awkward silence took over the situation, mostly due to the fact that Jimin appeared without a warning, catching you in the middle of a bite and wearing pajamas which to be honest, were very short and embarrassing. Who in college sleeps in pajamas from their favorite cartoon?

Jimin, on the other hand, finds them funny, even a little cute. That's probably why he thinks it's a good idea to make them a topic of conversation, ‘Nice pajamas.’

‘No please. They are embarrassing.’ You let out a laugh, covering your face with one hand in embarrassment.

‘They are not!’ He says with a bright smile, relieving the tension and the awkwardness between the two of you.

You laugh a little, lifting your sight just to see his beautiful smile. Something tingles in your head, a question, ticking in your tongue, ready to be spit out. Why did he wanted to see you so soon? Why was he so interested in you?

You clear your throat a little ‘Jimin I…I don’t wanna sound rude but…what are you doing here? Honestly.’

The question took him by surprise, causing him to blink a couple of times before answering, still not looking into your eyes, shifting his foot from side to side as if he was kicking an imaginary rock, he looked like a child, making your heart sink.

‘I just…I wanted to see you again, you know? I had a really great time yesterday, maybe take you out one more time, during daylight, so we could have more time together?’ Now he was looking at you with puppy eyes, his eyes make your heart fluster a little.

‘So you drove all the way to my apartment just for a maybe? What if I wasn’t home or what if I say no?’ you ask, really curious. If Park Jimin is who everyone says he was, it didn’t make much sense to you that he would sacrifice his Saturday morning just for a maybe from a girl, right?

‘You were worth the shot.’ he says as he shrugs ‘Besides, you still haven’t said no.’

He does have a point. You bite your lip, thinking how to answer, how to tease him. ‘You haven’t even asked properly…’ now you look at the flowers, leniently caressing the petals, trying to look nonchalant.

Jimin sighs, not angry or pissed, he looks like he’s having fun, smiling and holding a laugh, you guess. ‘You really want me to say it, don’t you?’ Hand runs through his hair, slightly stretching the ends. He really thinks about it, because never in his life has he said the words meaning them, his tongue lingers when he finally asks ‘Would you like to go out on a date with me? Again?’

Your face is adorn with a smile of victory and a little flash of ego in your eyes. But now that he has said the words, you find yourself not knowing what to answer.

So then you look again at his eyes, sparkling with hope and with impatience, and you feel confused, because Jimin it’s supposed to be rude, dumb and an asshole, not cute and nice.

‘I don’t know…’ you bite your lip again, playing hard to get, hoping that he shows his true self, getting angry and leaving, telling you that in the end his not going to waste his time begging

‘Pretty please?’ His tone is soft and he takes a step forward, taking your hand, stroking your check slowly.

And just like that, Jimin finds himself doing what he never does, at least not for a date. Beg. In his head, he’s sending prayers, wishing he could control minds to tell you what to do, wishing for you to say yes because now he feels like his pride is damaged.

But you don’t see it like that, you are being tricked without noticing, because you confuse his desperation with sweetness and softness, finding yourself actually wanting to say yes, and not only for the article and the whole playing with a fuckboy thing.

Jimin genuinely believes he’s getting a no for an answer, preparing himself for the worst and to take his damaged pride back home, closing his eyes when he sees you’re about to speak again to deaden the blow you’re about to deliver.

‘I…’ you look everywhere, trying to place your sight in something more than him, nervous due his proximity. ‘Could you wait for a couple of minutes? So I can put myself together a little and place this beauties in some water?’ You surprise Jimin and yourself when you spoke.

Jimin is relieved one more time, releasing the air he didn’t know he was holding until he heard you. Without erasing the apparent joy on his face, he answered 'I'll wait right here' so you let him go, disappearing once again through the white door of your apartment. Jimin felt a déjà vu when he saw you and with both arms crossed he leaned back on his motorcycle, letting the sun spray him for a few moments as he felt the heat envelop his body.

Inside, you're not surprised to see Nayeon standing by the door, probably just walking away from it to spy on you.

'Is he leaving?' She asks.

‘You ask as if you hadn’t spied on us thru the peephole, Nayeon, don't play dumb with me'

She forces a smile, as you pass her the roses Jimin was so kind to buy for you and ask her to put them in water, rushing to your room, trying to look decent in record time.

20 minutes later, Nayeon gives you a last good look at your outfit and hair, somehow she managed to get her hands on you after she saw the plaid shirt and the damp hair in a high ponytail.

You looked fresh now, with a lightweight tank top that Nayeon pulled out for you and moderately dry hair falling onto your back. You started to regret washing your hair at this time, you felt the heat consume your body due to the humidity which would probably make it fluffy after the motorcycle ride.

With a denim jacket in hand and the apartment keys in the other one, you waved Nayeon goodbye closing the door behind you, taking mental notes of every advice she gave you before you headed out.

'Don't let him kiss you just yet, just tease him about it. Flip your hair a couple of times and reject him if he tries to hold your hand. Let him know he has to earn it but send 'i like you' signals all the time. You're trying to confuse him, you got me?'

Actually, the answer was no, all the tips Nayeon had given you were contradictory to each other, even unruly, you only managed to nod to avoid keeping Jimin waiting any longer, probably dying from a heat stroke.

As you walked towards Jimin, he turned his head in your direction showing his smile.

Is he always this smily?

‘I’m sorry it took me so long.’ An awkward smile formed on your face when you were right in front of the boy.

You stared for a few seconds, seconds that were enough to re-analyze Jimin's facial structure, he was really handsome, you didn't understand how someone like him with such a reputation could have noticed you, not that you were less than the other girls, it's just that the situation didn't seem real.

'No worries' he says adopting an upright figure as he holds out your helmet. 'It's still early and there's some places I'd like to take you' He watches you carefully, taking another look at your body and your features now in broad daylight. Jimin would certainly have tried to get closer to you if he had seen you before the bet. The difference would have been in the insistence, since at the first 'no' he would've backed up.

Once he hears the little click on the snaps that fit the helmet to your head, he extends his hand to help you get on the motorcycle, wearing that bright smile of his. Giggling at the gesture, you accept the hand.

This time you place your hands around Jimin's waist without hesitation, he smirks and starts the engine. You could get used to this, the motorcycle thing. It was really relaxing, feeling the wind in your face, the sounds around you, everything felt…right. You let yourself go just like last time, for a moment you think about getting a motorcycle but your parents wouldn’t be too happy about it.

You don't know what exactly is going on with you, maybe it's Nayeon's words in your head repeating itself over and over again about sending signals, but you only act in automatic placing your chin on Jimin's right shoulder and getting closer to him when a fresh smell reaches your nose, it doesn't take long for you to realize is Jimin.

He even smells really good, does this guy has any flaws?

‘Okay, what do you think about me choosing your ice cream flavor and you choosing mine?’ Asks Jimin entering the ice cream shop after you.

‘I don’t know, you look like the kind of person who has really bad tastes.’ Your nose scrunched.

‘You didn’t think that when we were at the diner.’ He answered getting close to your face, you started to panic and remembered Nayeon's words, “Don’t let him kiss you just yet.”

‘I’ll let you have this one, sir.’ You say walking away to get to the counter where all the flavors were exhibited, ‘You have to try that one for sure!’ Jimin who just got next to you looked to where your finger was pointing.

‘Pickled Mango? That sounds gross.’ You let out a laugh when you see Jimin shake in disgust after reading the name ‘If I try that one you have to try the pear and blue cheese one.’

‘No! I refuse!’ you complain laughing ‘Let’s just get normal flavors.’ you say frowning

'Oh... so you'll chicken out?' he says, rising an eyebrow and looking at you with tease.

'What? No! I just don't want to get sick by eating ice-cream thank you very much.’ With crossed arms you stare at him, you don't let him get into your head, being firm and looking right into his eyes.

'Yeah, sure' he smiles widely. He remains quiet for a couple of seconds, looking around to se how many people were in the store, your stomach sinks due nerves, trying to defy what is his next move.

Jimin takes two steps to the nearest customer, a lady with her son enjoying her ice-cream in a cup. He taps her shoulder nicely. 'Excuse me ma’am, did you know this establishment accepted animals such as chickens?'

Your eyes almost pop out of their sockets when you hear Jimin speak. The woman only manages to blink several times, while Jimin looks in your direction, almost mocking at you. 'You see, I thought that girl over there was my date, but it turns out ...'

It took two big steps for you to reach him, interrupting him and pulling him by the arm at the same time. 'I'm sorry.' you say with an apologetic look at the woman. 'He just got out of rehab, he doesn't know what he's saying, he's still detoxifying'

Jimin forms a wide 'O' with his mouth at your words, shouting 'Rehab?!' enough audible for several eyes to settle on you with an offended tone.  But Jimin was unwilling to give up, unsurprisingly, so with a big drag of air, he yelled into the establishment.

'Hey everyone! I'll just like to inform you that my date chickened out and it's no fun at all'

You try to push him harder to the counter, where the girl who served the ice cream was, but Jimin is heavy and taller than you, making the task complicated.

He continues yelling, dragging everyone's attention to you, struggling to push a man to the exhibitor. You stop for a second the fighting to place your hand over his lips, hoping it would make him keep his mouth shut 'Jesus, Jimin, stop that, people are staring at us.’ He then continues to laugh loudly, making his eyes disappear for a couple of seconds.

'Come on, let's get you some ice-cream' he says giving up and walking slowly to the counter one more time.

You end up choosing normal flavors and while you left the ice cream shop you could swear that everyone looked at you with a bad face, we weren’t that noisy, were we?

‘Don’t worry about them, I guess they’ve never had fun before!’ Jimin screamed to then close the door behind him while rolling his eyes.

'You are quite shameless, aren't you?' you say looking at him funnily.

Jimin smiles and licks his cone. 'Come on, let's walk. The place is near here'

Ten minutes later and a couple of Jimin's bad jokes later, you walk by the Han river feeling the spring breeze and the humidity of the river on the skin when walking.

The conversation flows the same as the day before, Jimin is actually fun and is not afraid to express his jokes publicly even if it means getting a few looks from the people who walk near you in the same way.

While you're with Jimin, you try to remember Nayeon's advice and come up with a way to put it into practice, so you constantly move your hair from side to side when speaking.

Jimin noticed it. He had seen the same trick so many times, more than he can count with both hands, but he lets it go, for him it was a sign that his behavior was working to get you.

Leaning against the railing for a few minutes after you said you couldn't eat and walk at the same time, earning yourself a round of teasing from the boy, you feel his shoulder casually rub with yours as he slowly approaches his hand to yours. He is about to take it, but Nayeon screams in your consciousness and intelligently you change the cone of hand to prevent him from grabbing it.

'So...' you say to liven up the atmosphere a bit. 'Engineering major uh?'

Jimin leans against a single arm on the railing, putting his body in your direction, as well as his attention. 'Impressed?' he says with an air of greatness.

Something sparks inside you, with a need to lower it from the pedestal where he placed  himself without reason for a simple comment. So you say back 'Not actually.' the surprise is evident on Jimin's face, almost annoyed, but you find the way he reacts when you annoy him funny, so you continue, imitating his posture. 'I'm impressed that you haven't quit yet, tho.'

'Oh so you're saying I'm dumb?' he says with a pout, putting his index finger directly to his chest.

You frown and smile 'I never said that, Jimin. I just think it's funny that you have time to party with such a complicated major.'

'Proof that you can find time to have fun' he answered.

'Why did you choose that major?' you ask curious. Jimin shrugs a little before answering. 'I like math and it's kinda cool, you know?'

The answer impresses you, Jimin doesn’t really look as the type of man who likes mathematics. 'You like math?' you say giggling 'Why do you like such a hard subject?'

The wind blows hard and a lock of hair flies between your face and your cone, preventing you from eating calmly, but you manage to push it away with your free hand before it touches the ice-cream and gets sticky.

Jimin hesitates before answering, because he has never actually discussed this with a girl. They usually only talk about them or try to find topics of conversation between silly fights they have had with their friends or the manicure and the time it takes to do them.

Sure, Jimin has talked about this with his friends, normally Taehyung and Jungkook are the ones who ask these questions or tease him about being a nerd, but never a girl.

'They just make sense to me...' he clears his throat and you notice a twinkle in his eyes before he starts to speak again 'Look it's like...you have this puzzle, right? But you have a missing piece. So, someone, comes in and tells you “here’s a way to get to the missing piece” and when you solve it and find the missing piece and everything fits, it's amazing. They are perfect, numbers are perfect.' you notice how Jimin moves his hands when speaking and you catch yourself smiling at the effusive way he explains something simple, showing how much he actually likes what he does, your smile gets bigger as the wind blows once more, even stronger than the last time, making your hair tangle and cloud your sight a little. Jimin is quick to act, so with one hand, he slowly puts the hair behind your ear, stroking gently your hair a few seconds after it's in place. 'They are perfect just like you.'

You blush at his words, tickles present in your stomach, not like butterflies, but more like ants in a run, trying to find a place to hide when it rains. Jimin notices how the cone trembles in your hand making him smirk, you realize you are not so immune to his charms as you thought. Then, with a vow of courage and a smile as bright as diamonds, he takes a step forward, shortening the distance between your lips and his.

But Nayeon jumps back into your head "Don't let him kiss you just yet" so you take a small step back, smashing what was left of your cone right in his face.

You start to laugh at the Jimin’s new face covered in ice cream, it was priceless, but when you notice he wasn’t laughing with you, you stop. After a few seconds he laughs throwing himself at you, seeking revenge and trying to get rid of the mess you've left on his face.

He gets a little of ice cream on your nose before you stop him to help cleaning his face,  running the napkin over his cheek and chin while he looks at you carefully, when you get close to his mouth he feels shivers down his spine, you didn't seem to notice it and he was grateful for it.

'Why did you do that?' he says between giggles. You keep laughing, searching for a better reason than “My friend told me not to."

'You were being boring.' you say as you crunch your nose a little.

'You were the one asking boring questions in the first place!’ He responds trying to sound awfully mad but failing, betrayed by his laugh.

‘Well I am getting bored, let's do something else!' you attack, finishing to swipe the remains of ice cream, now you feel your fingers sticky but you believe it was wroth it, after all, you avoided Jimin's kiss like the plague and got something to laugh about, something you hadn’t done in a  long time. At least not with anyone other than Nayeon.

‘When you said “let’s do something else”, I didn’t think you would choose a bar.’  

After the ice cream fight, you decided to change the date a little, you headed Jimin straight to Itaewon where bars abounded, you had already shown a sweet side, now you wanted to show him your rough side.

‘I come often to this bar with my friend Nayeon, I like it because they have pool tables, good music and great alcohol.’ you explained as you took a seat at one of the empty tables close to the door.

‘You really don’t look like a girl who go to bars.’

‘Is this like our thing?’ You asked taking off the denim jacket. Jimin looks at you with confusion so you continue ‘I mean, assuming things about each other.’

‘Well what do you assume of me?’ Asks him while going through the menu.

‘Well, you look like a guy who can’t commit to a relationship.’ Jimin quickly looks at you trying to figure out if you were joking. You weren’t, but you liked to make him feel nervous and uneasy, it made you feel in control. ‘I’m joking,’ he laughs a little not being so sure ‘But you do look like a guy who has a lot of secrets, am I right?’

‘Not really, I think I’m an open book, you know…easy to read and all that philosophical shit.’ You two laugh at his words. ’When I said that you didn’t look like a girl who go to bar I was thinking about you not liking parties. And I know this is not a party, but it looks like it happens from time to time.’ Jimin turns his head around the place looking at everyone.

‘It’s different, I can’t explain how, but just trust me, it’s different.’ You say, defending yourself against Jimin’s mention of you not being a party girl.

The night flows good, Jimin orders some beers and you order some shots here and there, mostly for you because Jimin says he has to drive, and you are more than okay with that, you don’t really want to die at such young age.

After a couple of drinks you felt more relaxed. Thank you alcohol. That same chill vibe coming from the shots makes you feel active, wanting to do something else than just talking to the handsome guy that it’s sitting right in front of you. With your arm resting in the table and your chin in your hand, you speak ‘Do you know how to play pool?’

Jimin looks thru his glass, seeing your pretty smile from the amber liquid he’s drinking product of his second beer of the night, sticking to his promise of staying sober. He nods, looking at the tables and paying attention to the ‘pop’ sound off the balls colliding one with the other.

‘We should play pool then, are you down?’ You ask with a big smile letting Jimin know you were still okay, he had started to worry about having to take you out of the bar carrying you like a sack of potatoes.

‘Sure, the winner chooses the next date.’ Jimin smiles and stands with no hesitation, waiting for you to  do the same.

‘So you really think there will be another date after this one? You are a very confident man Park Jimin.’ You say standing up and pocking his chest with your index finger after every word, you wobble a little and Jimin holds you making you both get way too close, you could feel his breath on your head and your eyes couldn't help but look up to his lips.

Maybe it’s the alcohol clouding your thoughts and shutting up Nayeon’s little voice in your head, because for a second you really think about kissing him, thinking that perhaps this was the only moment where you could do it without regretting it because if it wasn’t good or if he rejected, you could blame it on the booze and then move on, but when you were about to go in for it, Jimin pushes you away a little without being abrupt, to separate you from him.

‘Look there’s a free table over there.’ He says grabbing you by the arm and pulling you to the pool table that was available a few feet from you, trying to get there before anyone else.

You grabbed a cue stick and so does Jimin, you break, making one of the solid balls enter one of the holes in the table. ‘I guess you are strips.’ a wink escapes from you.

‘Is it here when I find out you are actually a professional pool player?’ Jimin asks as he sees you settling into a new position to finally shove another of your balls into a hole.

‘I’m not a professional but I’m good at it.’ Another ball goes in.

‘Are you even gonna let me play?’ He laughs without taking his gaze off your concentration face, he’s actually really impressed by the fact that even when you were a little drunk you managed to focused on the target, striking perfect points as you get the balls in its place.

‘I hope so, sometimes I’m on a streak and it’s hard to know when the other player would play.’ Jimin stands next to you and just when you are about to hit the cue ball, he hits you with his hip making you fail the shot.

‘Hey! That’s cheating!’ You laugh, hand on your hip while you laugh a little, with the stick in your left hand.

‘What are you talking about, I just tripped.’ Jimin tries to play it cool but he looks like a little kid, you laugh even harder when after his attempt of making you loose, he make the cue ball go in one of the holes.

‘You made me lose so you could just play that awfully?’

‘The stick slipped from my finger.’ He frowns and pouts.

‘Excuses, excuses. Let the big girls play.’ You take the cue ball out of the hole and position it in a way that is favorable to you, bending over to the pool table.

When you were about to hit the ball you feel how something, or rather someone, brushes slightly his hand over your butt, touching it almost as not wanting to, you believe that maybe they were trying to go unnoticed. You snap, getting in to a straight position due to the touch you did not consent.

‘Why did you touch me you piece of shit?!’ You scream with your face turned bright red due to your anger, turning around to face the person, it was just one of those kind of  macho greasy dudes who were too drunk to function.

‘Excuse me? What did you just called me?’ He looked at you with disdain.

‘You heard me loud and clear, pig.’ You spit your words without stopping to look him in the eye for a second, firm and alert position, he was not going to get away with this.

‘Hey man...’ he says looking at Jimin as he speaks. ‘Is this bitch here with you? You should control her, she’s drunk and crazy.’

‘She wouldn’t be angry if you hadn’t touch her.’ Jimin steps forward, putting you behind him while getting closer, face to face with the guy with anger in his voice.

‘Nobody touched her, it’s just her imagination. Didn’t you heard me? She’s drunk’ the guy looks so confident in his words, you almost feel intimidated. Almost. ‘Just look at her, why would someone want to touch her?’ he looks at you head to toe with disgust ‘I guess you are really needy to be fucking with that.’ Those were his last words before Jimin's fist hit his face, making him fall to the ground.

Blood boils inside Jimin's veins due the comment of the guy 'Look, I'm not really looking for a fight but you're screaming for one right now. So I'll give you exactly 30 seconds to apologize to her if you don't want to end up in the fucking hospital, my friend' Jimin squats down to look at the guy in the eyes, feeling a bunch of looks and people staring at him, someone takes a step forward, maybe a friend of the guy he just hit ready to step in for his friend, but before anything else happened and as Jimin starts to get back up, the guy grabs him by the neck of his shirt, putting him under his body and starting to drop punches.

You see them switch places on the floor a couple of times, fists crashing against each other faces, you try to make your voice louder enough to break through the sounds of the bar, you don't know what else to do to get Jimin to stop punching the guy. The situation escalated quickly from the moment you opened your mouth, you didn't want this to happen and you were hoping someone would step in and separate them but they were busy watching the show.

Gladly, one of the bartenders and some other worker, came and step in between the fight, lifting Jimin from the guy who was now on the floor, no longer fighting back. Jimin it's trying to calm down, breathing heavily while you come near him, taking a closer look at the damage on his face. 'Grab your stuff, let's go. That will teach him not to mess with girls for a long time' His face is red, product of  the rush of blood, with a deep frown and a split lip that he cleans with the back of his hand.

‘Come on, sit right here.’ You point at the little stair outside your place, getting in to your apartment to look for the first aid kit to clean Jimin’s wounds, that was the least you could do for him. ‘I’m so sorry our date had to end like this, I feel terrible, I should have stayed quiet.’ You said as you came back taking a seat next to him, he looked at every movement you made while taking out the things you’ll need from the little white box.

‘You’re kidding? A woman who stands for herself is awesome. I’m sure that if I didn’t hit him, you would have done it.’ You finally let a little laugh after everything that happened.

‘I guess so…’ your eyes meet for a couple seconds and before anything else happened, you look away ‘This may sting, but it's only for a second. Here I go.’

He nods, but when the cotton soaked in alcohol touched his wounds, he tried to hold back a scream to not disturb the neighbors or scare you, avoiding making you feel worst than you already have.

‘Where did you learn to fight either way?’ You asked, tapping slightly the cotton on his lip cut.

‘When I moved here I had to change, so I could adapt better to this city, just like you. I guess you didn’t arrive speaking fluent Korean, right?’ He laughs to then close the eyes due to the alcohol stinging.

‘That’s true, I just knew the basics.’ You put on an ointment on his wounds before putting everything back in the box. ‘You are good to go.’ You said standing up and shaking the dirt from the back of your pants. 'Thank you, Jimin. For defending me back there, even if didn't go that well for you'

'You don't need to thank me, it was the right thing to do.' he says relaxed. 'Don't worry about this, I've had worst.' he points at his fresh wound. ‘Despite everything I had a great time.' he scratches de back of his neck.

You hug yourself in nervousness and smile back at him 'Yeah... me too' You look at each other, not really knowing what was next, the air starts to blow once again, making the weather a little bit cold.

‘I’ll better get going.’ Jimin says putting his hands inside his pants pockets looking up to the starry night, he walks down to his motorcycle and just when you open the door to go inside he turns to just tell you he will text you next time before arriving without any notice.

You let out a little laugh, only nodding and telling him to text you as well once he's safe and sound back at his apartment. 'Goodbye, gorgeous.' he says gently.

You don't close the door until he waves goodbye at you before he starts the engine and you see him leave. Once you see him disappear into the night you close the door and lay your back on it, just thinking how great the night had gone.

<--PART 2 

#jimin fic #park jimin #park #jimin #fan fiction #bangtan #bangtan fic #bangtan smut #bangtan fluff #bangtan angst #bangtan fanfic #park jimin fic #park jimin smut #nxfelibatae fic #park jimin fluff #park jimin angst #park jimin fanfic #jimin smut #jimin fluff #jimin angst #jimin fanfic #bts #bts fic #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #bts fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #kpop

[crazycrackersworld]

Another thing that sucks, and is tough to deal with, but I'm truly working on...is importance.

Time really isn't a factor in this, or maybe it does, but takes more or less time in each situation.

Going from being one of the most important people, most important aspects of someone's life, to having little importance, if any in their life is kinda like a culture shock. Might not be the best way to describe it, but it is a shock of some kind. It takes a while to come to terms with it, to accept it. And it's even harder to come to terms with it, when you know that someone or more than one someone, are now as important, probably more important than you were.

Yes I am aware that life changes, relationships change, and yes people change, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier. Going from being somebody so important to them that you shared EVERYTHING, to being relagated to someone they can go days without talking to is hard. Becoming someone that they hardly think about at all, and they can go days with no communication, is difficult to process, and even more difficult to accept.

It really is a different kind of pain, a different kind of loss. Missing a person, or heartbreak, or longing are all different types of pain, and they all hurt in a myriad of ways. But no longer being important, I think, hurts the worst, and takes the most time to accept.

The urge to share news with that person, or share anything at all, funny posts, memes, YouTube videos, songs, and silly stories, is so overwhelming at times. You want to share those things and so much more, but you don't, because you realize your just not an important part of their life anymore. So you see or hear these funny, or weird, or interesting things, and your first instinct is to share with that person. But you fight the urge, and you don't share, or you force yourself to share with others instead. And you do enjoy sharing with those other people, but it stings not to share with them.

So you try to look at things differently, hear things differently, process information differently, and push the thought of sharing with them out of your head. And you try not to be jealous of, or hate, the person or people that now occupy that place of importance. Not feeling that way towards those people is very difficult, takes a lot of work. The part of you that still cares is actually happy that she has those people. But even trying to look at it that way is hard to do.

You hope and you pray, and you meditate, and you contemplate the fact that you're not important anymore, not interesting anymore, simply just not worth their time. Eventually it stings less, bothers you less, but it takes time. For me, I'm just not there yet, not really close to that.

10 percent of the time I don't get the urge to share those things with them, bit 90 percent of the time, I want to send that text, or that message, or even make that phone call. But I manage to stay strong, to not reach out, to not share any of those things.

So that's where I'm at for the time being, upset about my lack of importance, but slowly accepting it, and slowly learning to live with it. So just trying to stay strong, stay true to myself, and think and be positive, in this fucked up situation

And no matter how much time has gone by, the truth is...it just sucks.

#no longer important #been replaced #want to share but I can't #never thought this day would come #never thought this would happen #this is harder than i thought

[mystical-imagine]

Hi bby cakes, can I request a matchup 🥺. I’m a 5’3 gal with long straight light brown hair and green eyes (that I take PRIDE in). I’m an ENFP and Taurus. Although I am an extrovert, I’m quiet and reserved. I love roller skating, drawing, and gardening. People around me describe me as is hard working, loyal, a bit of a crybaby, nature lover, down to earth, gentle, empathetic, stubborn, and a pushover. My style is like 90s soft girl but with muted/ethereal colors and ✨~turtlenecks~✨

Awe bby cakes? 😭 and sure you can!

Id match you with yoosung!

Youre both extroverts so youre almost always up for hangning out with friends together and you'd have such a good time together. Tough quiet evenings together is also a must and you two would cuddle up on the couch and watch movies or play video games together. Hed love to see you draw and would be annoying as heck about you drawing his favourite characters from his games.

( I think yoosung is also E_FP though im not sure if he's intuitive or sensing btw)

Yoosung would 100 percent be up for Roller skating! He thinks it looks so fun and cool and would care a lot about the skates themselves too. He Would probably want them in blue or yellow. You have to teach him though. And he would fall. A. Lot. In the beginning 😅

He Would also find gardening interesting and hed probably come to find that its a very calming and grounding (hah) hobby and enjoy it when he's esp. stressed out about his studies.

Youre both hardworking and very loyal people... and a bit of a crybaby but ssh.

You have a lot of traits in common And would be known as the sweet as f couple who just radiates joy and positivity wherever you go.

Your style is so fun and I love that aesthetic! And so would yoosung. I think hed definelty love the style as well and try to dress in a similar style. The whole aesthetic just fits him so well wow. Soft couple with soft hearts and an overwhelming amount of empathy and carr for other people!!

I hope you like your matchup 💕

Yoosung in this? Superior.

#match up #mystic messenger matchup #mysme match up #mysme matchup

[dzamie]

Vore rating question. How do you feel about under aged prey provided the scenario is non-sexual? Just out of curiosity...

I’m not gonna use the rating scale for this one, for a reason I’ll explain shortly holy fuck this was long. I’m sorry, but not sorry enough to edit it down. There’s a tl;dr at the bottom.

I’m generally uncomfortable with explicitly-underaged characters in vore scenarios. I don’t mean stuff like “it’s highschool, so statistically speaking there’s like a 1 in 4 chance...” or “assume this is an 18+ AU because Digimon and Pokemon protags are like 10-12 and I don’t want to write a timeskip,” but stuff where the author explicitly mentions that the pred or prey is in middle school, or is celebrating their 13th birthday, or is described as “prepubescent.”

That said, I don’t abhor kids being eaten in media. Like Pinocchio, or one of those episodes of The Magic School Bus, or that kid’s book I found your blog with where the li’l t-rex keeps trying to eat her classmates. I would’ve been just fine watching The Jungle Book if Kaa had managed to swallow Mowgli only to have the man-cub forced back out by a wrathful Bagheera. Or that scene in the movie whose name I can’t remember where the kid quotes that 90-something percent of household accidents happen in the home, and also gets eaten by a dragon. Those are fine, and sometimes even funny.

The issue comes up when it’s very clearly the intent of the creator to make a vore thing. You know that “when you can tell what fetish the artist has” image, where it’s near-stick-figure for most of it, but the maw is big and colored and drooling, or the feet are detailed and colored and unnecessarily prominent? Like that. “This book has a dragon who threatens to eat the young heroic protagonist before The Power Of Friendship helps her see the error of her ways” is fine. “This Mario Bros comic sees Yoshi eat every man, woman, and child in Toad Town, and oh no he’s eating the buildings too now! Will the bros find out what’s wrong in time?” is fine. “This vore story features a child who-” cool story bro I want it out of my face by three days ago.

I understand that some naive fools poor unfortunate souls people on this site say it’s possible to have nonsexual vore, and I have done nonsexual vore rp before. And I’m not gonna say that someone shouldn’t write something about fictional characters, literally pixels on a screen, just because I, personally, am uncomfortable reading it. But like, I will be uncomfortable reading a vorefic with a 12-year-old, and by that I mean I will not continue reading it.

Like, there’s a 99% chance that anything tagged “child prey” on aryion is gonna squick me out, unless I trust the author to not write an entire page on how the JP T-Rex licked and curled their tongue around that kid and yadda yadda vore (honestly though the rex totally should’ve realized they were licking humans in that scene in the book).

I’m just now realizing I’ve been focusing almost entirely on vorefics, but yeah this holds for non-writing vore stuff too. I just interact more strongly with fics.

TL;DR If it’s primarily a vore thing with child prey, I don’t like it. If the kid being eaten isn’t focused on similar to a fetish thing, that could be fine. I’m not gonna check for “seventeen and ten months, that’s an oof” or whatever. I didn’t use the rating scale because the scale implies it being a vore thing.

Also, Helen, I’d probably give anything by you a shot, though I also trust you’d warn people about it being... vore with a kid prey.

#text #asks #long post #vore related #helenarlett-rex

[alexsmitposts]

Anti-Racist Uprising Infiltrated by Extreme-Right Hooligans The city of Minneapolis is where it all began. It is where the last drop fell on the surface of a proverbial overflowing lake, causing the dam to burst, consequently starting to destroy the foundations of the empire. A death of just one single man can, under certain dreadful circumstances, put into motion the entire avalanche of events. It can smash the whole regime into pieces. It can fully rewrite history, and even change the identity of a nation. It can… although it not always does. George Floyd’s death became a spark. The city of Minneapolis is where the murder occurred, and where the ethnic minorities rose in rage. But it is also where white extreme right-wing criminals, and some even say, entire regime, perpetrated the uprising, kidnapped what could have become a true revolution and began choking legitimate rebellion by a stained duvet of nihilism and confusion. Here, we will not speculate. We will not point fingers at “deep state” or some multi-billionaire families, and to what extent they have been involved. Let others do this if they know details. But this time, I simply came to listen. And to pass to the world what I discovered first hand and what I was told. This time I simply went to Franklin Avenue and Lake Street, both in Minneapolis. I spoke to Native American people there. To those who joined forces with the African-American community during those dangerous days after May 25, 2020. To people who dared to defend their neighborhoods against brutality against white gangs, which came to loot, infiltrate, and derail the most powerful uprising in the United States in modern history. *** Bob Rice is a Native American owner of Pow Wow Grounds, a local entrepreneur, and a ‘community protection organizer.’ His legendary café is located on Franklin Avenue. During the COVID-19 pandemic, it has been reduced, for the time being, to a takeaway business, but even as such, it is enormously popular among the Native Americans, as well as others. At the back of the cafe is huge storage, full of food. Everyone hungry, in need of help, can simply come here and take whatever he or she needs. We grab some freshly brewed coffee from the shop and take it out to the public benches outside. Bob Rice then begins his story: “There has been police brutality for a very long time, against people of color. Not only talking about Minneapolis but in all these other places, since the 1991 Rodney King incident. Things were boiling and building up – leading to a big blow up.” “And all this discrimination did not start here; it came centuries ago from Europe.” “After the George Floyd murder, I wanted to show solidarity. Native Americans were experiencing an even higher degree of persecution than Black people. We had to stand together. I went down to the site of the murder of George Floyd, in order to support protests.” For a while, we talked about the mass media in the United States, an official and even some ‘independent one,’ and how it quickly and violently turned against the left, as well as against those who have been daring to expose endemic racism in the United States. But soon, we returned to the events that took place here, in May and June. “I noticed the presence of strange elements right from the start. I was watching guys breaking windows. At about 6 am, the morning after, I traveled down to South Minneapolis. There were piles of rocks in front of the rioters. Flash hand grenades. I kept on moving around the areas and kept on seeing rocks. I noticed the Minneapolis Umbrella Man, dressed all in black, with mask and black umbrella and black hammer smashing things – at the end being stopped by black guys. People were walking out of the store with car parts, and I thought, “why stealing those things”? These guys didn’t seem to be as part of the protest. I started moving and going away from the area, thinking that these guys would burn down stores and places soon. I even called up my insurance company the following morning to see if my policy covers civil unrest. That night they burned a lot of stores – auto stores, liquor stores, all types of businesses. I thought that if we do not do something ourselves to protect our neighborhoods, they will burn down all of our areas, too.” “From what I saw, I couldn’t tell you who these guys were, but they were not from here. So, we put up our protection zone calling out people on Facebook. We became the Headquarters of protection of Native American businesses and nonprofit organizations, as well as banks, shops, investment properties, etc. all belonging to the Native American community around here. I noticed there were Caucasian people, driving cars very slowly with no license plates, yelling racial slurs out of the windows. We formed a human shield, chain, along Franklin Avenue, to protect ourselves and our people. At a high point, about 300 people were protecting the area all night long for about eight days in a row. It had to be done, because here we had people from all over, including Wisconsin, descending on us – we had white supremacist group Proud Boys here. They arrived wearing masks. We had young white kids – 16 and 17 years old – coming from Wisconsin, looting liquor stores. We caught them. Obviously, they came out here because they thought it was an exciting thing to do. They didn’t even know where they were – this area is very dangerous with drug dealing and gang violence at night. Lucky, they got caught by us.” And the coverage? I wanted to know whether these events, in the heart of Native American neighborhoods, were described in depth by media reports. Bob Rice replied readily: There was no media reporting on these matters – mass media blamed everything on the Black Lives Matter movement. When liquor stores and tobacco shops were on fire, no police or fire trucks were around. Then the National Guard took over – using tear gas. Mr. Rice sighed, still in disbelief: Just incredible how our so-called President has done all the mess going and even made it worse! *** Robert Pilot, Native Roots Radio host, drove me for days all around the cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, explaining what really took place on both Franklin Avenue and Lake Street. But before, we visited provisory, impromptu monument, where the murder of George Floyd took place. There were flowers, graffiti, works of art; there was grief, and there was solidarity. Native American people clearly supported the plight of the African-Americans. The area was safe; it was well organized. People of all races came here to pay tribute to the murdered man, and centuries of atrocious history of the United States. As we drove, Robert Pilot explained: “Native American neighborhoods armed themselves after the Floyd murder. But not only that: economic hardships ensued after the murder; food banks have come up. The Pow Wow Grounds used to be a food distribution deport but ended up becoming a food bank for anyone to donate and get what they need. Protesters were everywhere; the young generation got fed up. So different from other murders. The last straw was the murder of George Floyd. Four years earlier, in 2016, Philando Castile, an African American man, got murdered by police. He had worked in a school cafeteria. His murder was broadcast live on Facebook. It was a buildup. 10,000 people protested on 38th Street and Chicago in Minneapolis – the site of the murder of George Floyd. Combination of racial and overall frustration.” We drove by burned stores, services, gas stations. Everything was resembling a war zone, and in a way, it was. If you are there, things are extremely raw, emotional. It is not like analyzing things from a distance from the comfort of one’s home. Robert continued explaining, as we drove by block after block of the Middle East-style combat destruction: “There is a small percentage of African American people as compared to White Americans. We need allies, too. We have to support each other. Signs everywhere in my neighborhood, ‘Black Lives Matter.’” “Some young white people have woken up. They see the truth. The opinion of the masses is moving to the left; they are feeling fed up with what is happening around them and what it is that the country is doing to the world because of oil. What is interesting is that there is a protest every single day, which is something new and mind-blowing. The media is misreporting, minimizing the enormity and magnitude of protests, CNN, MSNBC, etc.” Robert Pilot is not only a radio host, but he is also a teacher: “White teachers are still teaching history; they are teaching it to black and Native American kids! Political standing of my students – a few are engaged, but definitely not all. Perhaps 10 percent of people are engaged and doing the work for 90 percent. The white guilt now and then… But many of us feel: You should stand behind us and with us but not in front of us. Revolution is happening in that sense. Everything is changing since protests are happening.” Not everyone likes the changes; definitely not everyone. The establishment is fighting back, trying to survive, in its existing, horrid form. Robert Pilot concludes: “Generally, Black and Native Americans are together, supportive of each other. It is symbolic that the Native American movement started on Franklin Avenue, where protests began in 1968. We would never burn down our own stores like grocery stores and hospitals. Why should we? But we had to mobilize and stop members of the KKK and Proud Boys type of guys.” *** We drive some 100 miles north, in order to meet Ms. Emma Needham – a young Native American activist. Emma was kind enough to bring traditional medicine from her area. We met halfway at the Sand Prairie Wildlife Management Area. Before our encounter, along the highway, we are surrounded by true ‘Americana’: endless open spaces, half-empty highways, more than 100 car-long cargo train pulled by two monstrous engines, while pushed by yet another one. We pass by St. Cloud Correctional Facility – an ancient-looking prison that bears the resemblance of some massive medieval English mansion surrounded by an elaborate system of barbed wires and watchtowers. MI734854 In one of the towns along the road, there is a big makeshift market selling posters, T-shirts, and other memorabilia, all related to the current President. It is called Trump Shop. Big banners are shouting at passing cars: “Trump, Make America Great Again,” “Trump 2020 – No More Bullshit,” and “God, Guns & Guts Made America. Let’s Keep All Three”. Emma is a storyteller, a writer. She is an intelligent, outspoken, sincere, and passionate person: “Where we were, we did not see a lot of white men with masks attacking, but what we did see were two young white kids, around 16, from Wisconsin, looting a liquor store which was run by Native Americans.” “I stayed over Friday and Saturday nights around the Indian American Cultural Center in Minneapolis. On Friday night, within half a mile to a mile in all directors, we could see and hear the riots and looting. There were gunshots, helicopters hovering all around us. But nobody came to rescue us.” “On Saturday night, we could see white people on Jeeps, waving flags, cruising around the neighborhood. “The white kids from Wisconsin were there, it appeared to me, opportunistic grabbing whatever was available.” “Majority of those who came to protest and loot were outsiders, not from the neighborhoods. It does not make sense for people in Minneapolis to burn down and loot stores they rely on.” I wanted to know whether the Native Americans and African-Americans were helping each other in that difficult hour? Emma did not hesitate: “There was big solidarity between Black people and Native American people; there was empathy.” “It has been lifelong degradation for many of us growing up poor and severely marginalized in reservations, but we had never seen anything like this, so close to what resembled a war. Those of us who were down in North Minneapolis those nights – Friday and Saturday – could not find words to describe what was happening. But we had a strong sense that what has been happening to us, Native Americans was happening to Black Americans, too – 400 years of surviving in a system of oppression. Enough is enough! Shared horrors – same for both groups!” I asked whether everything changed, and this is a new beginning for the nation? As many, Emma did not sound overly optimistic: “A black American female artist once said, ‘I love my white friends, but I don’t trust you because I know when the time comes, you need to choose your skin color. You count on the freedom and safety which you have. Whether you make that conscious decision or not, it will be there for you.’” *** On my behalf, Robert Pilot asked Brett Buckner, his fellow radio host, and an African American activist, whether he could confirm that the majority of rioters were whites and not from the community. He replied: “I would say so. Based on police reports and accounts from the community members, most of the damage was done by outsiders. Unfortunately, their actions will cause our community pain for years and even decades to come.” *** Before I finished writing this report, “Umbrella man” got ‘identified.’ On July 29, 2020, Daily Mail wrote: “Masked “Umbrella Man” who was seen smashing windows of Minneapolis AutoZone that was later burned to the ground during George Floyd protests is identified as ‘Hells Angels gang member with ties to white supremacist group’… The Star Tribune reported the 32-year-old man has links to Aryan Cowboy Brotherhood, a white supremacist gang based in Minnesota and Kentucky.” He was one of many, but the most notorious one. Looking at his photos when in action, he was bearing a striking resemblance to ‘ninja’ looking rioters – right-wing hooligans – who were unleashed in order to bring chaos to Hong Kong, people who have been supported and financed by Western governments. I know, because I work in Hong Kong, since the beginning of the riots. Coincidence? And if not: who really ‘inspired’ whom? *** Before I left Minneapolis, Robert Pilot and his wife Wendy interviewed me on their Native Roots Radio. What was supposed to be just 30 minutes appearance ended up being a one-hour event. They showed me their city and their state, sharing sincere feelings and hopes, unveiling suffering of both African American and Native American communities. This time, I traveled to the United States in order to listen. But I was also asked to talk, and so I did. During the interview, I took them to several parts of the world, where black people still suffer enormously, due to Western imperialism and corporate greed. The world where Native people of Latin America, Canada, as well as other parts of the Planet, are brutally humiliated, robbed of everything, even murdered by millions. We were complimenting each other. Our knowledge was. I am glad I came to Minnesota. I am thankful that I could witness history in the making. I am also delighted that I observed solidarity between the African American and Native American people. For centuries, both went through hell, through agony. Now, they were awakening. Minnesota is where the latest and very important chapter of American history began. But I also went to Washington, D.C., Baltimore, New York City, Massachusetts. I witnessed protests, anger, despair. But there was also hope. Hope, despite tear gas and riot police, lockdowns, despite mismanaged COVID-19 and increasing poverty rates. Something was ending, something unsavory and brutal. Whether this could be considered a new beginning was still too early to tell. In Minnesota, I chose to see events through the eyes of Native Americans, people who were here ‘forever,’ to whom this land used to belong. People who were exterminated by the “new America,” by European migrants, in a genocide that claimed roughly 90% of the native lives. These were people who were robbed of their culture and their riches. I am glad; I am proud that I chose this angle. True peace, true reconciliation can only come after history as well as reality are fully understood, never through denial. Now, both African Americans and Native Americans are speaking, and the world is listening. It has to listen. At least this is already progress. These two groups are forming a powerful alliance of victims. But also, an alliance of those who are determined to make sure that history never repeats itself.

[we-til12-things]

365 days movie review

Okay, where do I even start in describing the 365 days movie? Okay imagine like Beauty and the Beast but instead of being a Disney movie, it's a porno. Let's figure out what the hell Netflix got going on, okay so 365 Days and DNI basically translated in English means 365 days. It's a Polish movie that came out in February and recently made its way east United States by way of Netflix. It's based on an erotic book written by Blanca Lipinski. The movie adaptation here was written and directed by Barbara B Louis and Tomas climb ala.

365 Days cast and plot 365 Days/ 365 DNI softcore porn movie on netflix reviewThere is an 85% chance that there's a hundred percent chance that I said those names are wrong but onward the film stars Anna Maria as Laura said cuca and Michelle Moronne as Massimo maybe let's get into the plot here.  The movie starts where you see some sort of like mafia activity, there's a dude named Massimo and he's talking to his dad on this nice rooftop and the dad tells the son the most popular movie line in history you know what son one day you have to run the family business That's all good but the son is kind of distracted he's got these binoculars and he's looking down on the beach and he sees his beautiful woman. The next thing you know the dad just gets shot by some snipers on like another roof and literally just dies in his son's arms. Take the first three minutes of the movie cuts to five years later and Massimo is now indeed running this Italian mafia at the same time. That same beautiful woman that he saw these binoculars, her name's Laura she's on vacation in Sicily that's in Italy for those of you counting at home she's celebrating her birthday with her boyfriend who kind of sucks at being a boyfriend.

Coincidentally on that same birthday trip, Massimo randomly sees her at the airport and follows her to the resort that she's staying at we find out that Massimo has spent the last five years searching the globe for this woman and this is wild because it's basically like you're riding the train and you see the love of your life. She gets off the train all of a sudden five years later you pull up at Wendy's and there she is is Wendy's canceled anyway, back to Italy Massimo pulls up on her as soon as she's separated from her friends and kidnaps her yep on her freaking birthday. Massimo now has this girl from Poland all the way in Italy away from all her friends and family takes away her phone and her laptop and tells her ''I'm gonna give you a chance to fall in love with me'' what a treat Massimo what a freaking treat. He tells Laura that he'll never force himself on her and if she doesn't fall in love with him in 365 days uh-huh, he'll set her free she has a whole year to fall in love with this dude but in less than two months she's in love and my TV goes from Netflix to sex flix and off we go we got a movie so what's my take you might be wondering how I found out about this damn movie duh. Was the sex scenes real in 365 days? Well, sources have confirmed that it was NOT.

Check this airport, airplane girl scene in 365 days. (Explicit)

Lord of mouth is that wordplay yes it is but first things first this movie it was met with a lot of criticism and not just because it's about an hour and 54 minutes of freaky deeky sex but because some critics are saying it glorifies Stockholm Syndrome what Stockholm Syndrome you might ask that's John Stockton  Syndrome is when it's like when you fall in love with being kidnapped no it's when you are a kidnapper who loves no it's because that's the only make sense as when you got kidnapped right you know what let's just someone else can explain this. The robbery that named the condition Stockholm Syndrome is generally defined as the occurrence, were hostages form emotional attachments to their captors and/or begin to feel sympathy for them.

Criminologist and psychiatrists Nils Boudreau first coined the term Stockholm Syndrome in 1973 that year four people were held hostage during a bank robbery in Stockholm Sweden yet upon being released the hostages didn't show any anger towards their captor instead they defended him and even refused to testify against him in court since then Stockholm Syndrome has been spotted in various situations. It has been recorded in victims of sexual abuse human trafficking discrimination terror and political and religious oppression as well.

365 days Actors Instagram 1)Anna Maria 2)Michelle Morrone

Okay you Maxton points there and in this movie, Massimo is a mob boss so he has to a ton of money you can take her shopping and buy all this fly when she finally admits that she's in love with him, Massimo lets her have her cell phone back her laptop back so she lets her best friend pull up and her best friends like a girl you're trapped in a gold cage you're not really in love and Laura trying to convince her best friend that she actually is in love. There's actually FBI evidence that shows only 8% of kidnapping victims show any signs of Stockholm Syndrome so might not be as prevalent as we think it is but I in say it's an FBI why don't we use these are these Wikipedia I didn't make this up let's say we take the controversial nature of the movie away is it worth the watch?

No of course not from a storyline or acting standpoint but if you've been in quarantine for 90 days 13 hours and 26 minutes and you have the desire to see what I imagine is a 20/20 version of Fifty Shades of Grey Mazal find out what the hype is about these sex scenes are so damn steamy there's a good chance and I'm pregnant you know when you used to watch skinemax, I mean I don't have that channel but I would imagine thinking okay obviously they're not really having sex when you're watching 365 Days movie online.

If you really want to watch or stream 365 Days Online, don't forget to check out this link in the English version.

 I like you know it's not real but then you be thinking is that real because it'd be looking real but it can't be real could it be who knows, what they're allowed to do in Poland. I guess I'm gonna give 365 Days a 2.5 stars. 365 days movie was rated   3.3/10 on IMDB and no consensus yet on Rotten Tomatoes.   I probably would've given it two stars but it's at least I have to start with that movie sex in there obviously if you do watch this movie the ending will have you questioning if there's room for a sequel, I mean if a second movie of 365 dni is possible or not. There's been no news of another 365 dni movie but don't worry this book actually is a trilogy and the second book came out in 2018 and with this movie doing so well in Poland and now killing it in the United States on Netflix. 365 days had a $9.5 million at the box office. There are some beautiful songs and soundtracks in 365 dni movie:

Michele Morrone-Hard For Me Ghost Monroe-I Am The Fire The Rigs-The Hunted Michele Morrone-Dark Room Nick Kingsley & Hannah Hart-You Made A Monster Alex Condlife & Lamb Hands-You Michele Morrone-Watch Me Burn Malo-Kiss Me Röyksopp-Here She Comes Again  The Venice Connection-The Times Of Our Lives "- Everybody Loves An Outlaw-I See Red Fly Project-Toca Toca SATV Music-Finish Line

Robin Loxley & Smudge Mason-Coming Back Everybody Loves An Outlaw-Give Em Hell Mabel-Don’t Call Me Up  Raphael Lake, Aaron Levy & Daniel Ryan Murphy-Prisoner Raphael Lake-Another Wave  Lee Richardson, Jonathan Murill, Tom Ford-Here Comes The Thunder Theo Chinara & Craig Hardy-Lost In Your Eyes Michele Morrone-Feel It Everybody Loves An Outlaw-I See Red

Check this out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnRpxw2UlXQ

Talking about the ending, did Laura died or got pregnant with Nacho's child? Well, we don't really know, some say she was simply kidnapped and some believed she could have been killed by Massimo's rivals. I'm pretty sure we haven't seen the last of Massimo's but as always thanks for checking out Movies Reviewer, who knew that I had so much range that I could also do softcore porn reviews, what a time if you fill in the post make sure you share this posts as much as possible every week you never know what you're gonna get if you've seen this movie let me know in the comments if you want to see a sequel if you haven't seen this movie let me know in the comments if you plan to see this movie thanks for reading, see you with another Movie Review.

[popscenery]

Passion Pit, »Take a Walk«

by Jessica Doyle

In the summer of 2010, when I took a leave of absence from my PhD program, my dissertation was a helpless non-thing without a subject. In December 2018, I officially got my PhD, because my dissertation was done: written, revised, defended, revised again, approved, copied, formatted, distributed, carefully archived, accepted as an actual work of scholarship. It is arguably my most important professional accomplishment of the decade, and also arguably entirely inconsequential. The claim that 90 percent of academic papers go uncited is mostly untrue, but it is true for my dissertation, and I have the gaping void of a Google Scholar search return to prove it.

Trust me: as bitter and self-deprecating post-graduate students might be about their research (see previous paragraph), none of us start out planning to write something inconsequential. Certainly the subject of my dissertation was not inconsequential at all. “Take a Walk” is not my favorite song of the past decade, but it is the song that kept reminding me that the topic was worth writing about.

My dissertation examined what makes starting and maintaining a business easier or harder for Latino entrepreneurs in different American cities. Take Miami as an example, where 47% of all businesses are Latino-owned. That’s much higher than the national average (12 percent) and higher than the percentage in other cities with large Latino populations: New York, Los Angeles, Houston. So what’s so special about Miami? Is it because the Cuban population that arrived in the 1960s were often landowners or merchants fleeing Castro, and made wealth-building a priority in their new city? Is it the geographic proximity to Latin America and the Caribbean? Is starting a business in Miami easier than elsewhere? Is it something about Miami’s economy in general, or Florida’s? Finally (and more to the point), if policy-makers in another city wanted to put in policies that would help local Latino entrepreneurs flourish, what would Miami’s example offer as guidance?

To make a 295-page story short: it is much easier to turn immigrants into successful business owners if they come to the country with business experience and/or capital already at hand; and if the local immigrant population doesn’t start with those advantages, then policy-makers should focus on providing business education and access to financing, especially the latter. Latino immigrants in the United States who want to start businesses are more likely than native-born white entrepreneurs to use their own cash (which takes a while to accumulate), credit cards (which charge higher interest rates than do bank loans), or loans from family or friends (which means that loved ones, rather than banks with larger cushions, bear the risks). I’d say read the whole dissertation, but in all frankness you’d be better off checking out the research being published by the Stanford Latino Entrepreneurship Initiative, including this report. (It’s more concise and their data is more robust than mine was.)

This all assumes, of course, that you want to encourage Latinos, or other immigrants, or anyone at all, to start their own business. A lot of us--including me; including Michael Angelakos, the artist behind Passion Pit--have immigrant entrepreneurs in our family lineage. In interviews to promote the album Gossamer, Angelakos described “Take a Walk,” the lead single, as about different members of his family. The first verse’s portrait is a classic rags-to-riches, grateful-to-be-in-America immigrant story: I love this country dearly / I can feel the ladder clearly. But in the second verse, the story shifts to a new narrator, and so does the tone: I watch my little children / Play some board game in the kitchen / And I sit and pray they never feel my strife. The final narrator is eventually undone...

I think I borrowed just too much We had taxes, we had bills We had a lifestyle to front

...yet still insists on his participation in the American dream:

Tomorrow you'll cook dinner For the neighbors and their kids We can rip apart those socialists And all their damn taxes You see, I am no criminal I'm down on both bad knees I'm just too much a coward To admit when I'm in need

Apparently at one point a Fox News reporter failed to hear the irony, and asked Angelakos if the song was anti-socialist. But Angelakos told MTV News, “It's about very specific family members, the male hierarchy, and how the men in my family have always dealt with money.... All these men were very conservative; socially very liberal but for some reason, they all came here for capitalism, and they all ended up kind of being prey to capitalism.” He told a different interviewer, “These are all true stories; this is my grandfather and so on.”

Angelakos’s ambivalence is understandable. (Several of the pieces that greeted “Take a Walk” identified it as a direct reponse to the 2008 financial crisis, an interpretation he rejected.) The idea that anyone can come to the United States, start a business, and work their way to financial security and political freedom is an old one--the history of immigrants employing at higher rates than native-born Americans goes as far back as the Census Bureau has been keeping track of such things. But even for the successful it has its costs. The narrators of “Take a Walk” are estranged from their families, anxious about their ability to keep wealth. The theme of risk runs through the song. No one worries about getting fired; they have market investments, business partners, endless complaints about taxes (as one might if one has to pay both ends of the Social Security and Medicare taxes single-handedly.) The risk allows the narrators to make comfortable lives for themselves and their family, and yet Angelakos isn’t convinced, looking back, that they were better off.

Historically, if you were running for any sort of higher political office in the United States and were from a major party, you made sure to say nice things about small businesses and entrepreneurship, especially the immigrant kind. To some degree this is still true: Elizabeth Warren’s campaign platform includes a Small Business Equity Fund that would give grants to minority entrepreneurs. That said, I’m not sure the current dominant political energy on either the American left or right favors small businesses, who tend to hate tariffs. If you read the Green New Deal resolution, though it calls for a more equitable distribution of available financing to such smaller-scale lenders as community banks and credit unions, a lot of what it wants it can only get at a certain scale. It’s easier for a larger company to retool its supply chains to lower environmental costs than it is for ten small businesses to do the same. It’s easier for a firm with a thousand employees to absorb the cost of any one employee needing a higher wage to make rent, or a longer maternity leave, or extended absences due to illness, than it is for a firm with five.

And Music Tumblr in particular can be forgiven for not thinking highly of entrepreneurship. Most creative people--artists, musicians, writers--end up as entrepreneurs simply because decent-paying employment in those fields has never been easy to find. (In 2017, Angelakos spoke of dealing with venture capitalists and deciding to run his mental-health-focused initiative, Wishart, as a combination of for-profit and non-profit.) But no loan officer with a nickel’s worth of sense would approve a loan to enter a market so saturated that marginal revenue is typically zero or close enough, or where thousands if not millions of people seem thoroughly committed to proving themselves, in Samuel Johnson’s eyes, blockheads. Upon hearing, “You can do what you love, but the market won’t reward you,” a lot of people will reply, “To hell with markets, then.”

It all comes down to how you feel about risk. For a long time the dominant American thinking was that higher risk was the price entrepreneurs paid to have the chance to succeed on their own terms. (There’s an ongoing debate in the immigrant-entrepreneurship academic literature about whether any one particular group of entrepreneurs is “pushed” into entrepreneurship--as in, they only start businesses as the best of a bad set of money-making options--or “pulled,” starting businesses because they want to.) More recently has emerged the critique that not all experiences of risk are created equal, and that in championing immigrant or minority entrepreneurship we offload risk onto those people with smaller financial or even emotional cushions. The heightened experience of risk, and its attendant anxiety and feeling of constant scarcity, may be what Angelakos meant when he described his relatives as “kind of being prey to capitalism.”

I personally agree with that critique, and would throw in that the general perception of Latino immigrants as not-entrepreneurial denies them a road to acceptance (or bourgeois respectability, if you prefer) that their Swedish, German, Jewish, Italian, and more recently Korean predecessors have been able to walk. That was why I wanted to write about Latino entrepreneurship in the first place, and why I ended up writing about North Carolina’s Latino Community Credit Union and associated initiatives as a promising case study. But I would caution against crossing the line from wanting to reduce risk for vulnerable minorities to regarding asking them to bear any kind of risk as imperialist and offensive. Risk can’t be eliminated altogether, and there are costs to scaling risk to higher levels of human activity and trying to diffuse it. A small business committed to a bad idea does a lot less damage than a government policy committed to a bad idea, even if the latter is more equitable in the range and number of people it effects.

Writing a dissertation is a humbling process. I’ve never written and recorded a song, but I imagine that process humbles too. (When “Take a Walk” came out Angelakos was not shy about disliking it, though he seems to have grown fonder of it as time goes on: “I like that it’s so uncharacteristic of me,” he said in 2017.) You work and work and work, all the while knowing you have no control over how your audience will hear your message, or if there will even be an audience. You can never be sure that you read enough, or chose the right method of analysis, or treated your subjects with sufficient respect. You’ll never know if you’re actually on the side of the angels. If the “angels” are metaphorical--if you don’t actually believe in a god, or God, whose love is greater than your human tendency to error and self-deception and treachery--then the risk is even higher. And yet, without that risk, how would you ever be able to say anything worth saying?

#songs of the decade #passion pit #longreads #music writing