#i cannot even cope with his face 😭

[lovepollution]

‘The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel’ Season 5: Luke Kirby Describes Lenny & Midge as “A Beautiful Thing” [x]

#luke kirby #lenny x midge #midge x lenny #midgelenny #the marvelous mrs. maisel #lenny bruce #i cannot even cope with his face 😭 #his haaaaaaands and neck people 🥵 #mine #tmmm gifsets

[reiding-writing]

Omg imagine Reid being incredibly touch starved and literally having this very primal craving for affection to the point it's all he can think about but he cannot for the life of him get over his fear of germs and it's just all this angst and ahh

deprivation [ s.r ]

Summary:

Spencer needs support. He needs it. But he for the life of him just cannot reach out for it himself. And after one particular case, you make an effort to try and quell is emotional rampage.

WARNINGS: germophobia, self deprecation, touch deprivation, emotional breakdown

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

genre: ANGST, hurt/comfort

wc: 2.8k

masterlist!!

a/n: great minds must think alike because i was actually already working on this when the request came in😭

i made this less angsty than originally planned, but i hope it suffices nonetheless the less, thanks for the request! <33

Spencer Reid was exhausted in every sense of the word.

His muscles ached, his head pounded, and he was so burnt out he didn’t even have any thing to say when JJ had incorrectly mentioned a ‘fact’ about a certain sub-species of butterfly that was supposedly native to Oregon.

His exhaustion only proved to get worse as the jet took off for Virginia, but the unfortunate rampaging of his own mind proved any chance of him sleeping on the flight home impossible.

“Hey… Are you okay?” Your voice seems to echo across the silence of the cabin despite you practically whispering to avoid waking your teammates, and Spencer’s eyes flicker up towards you, clearly not having expected you to be awake.

You stand up from your seat, walking down the aisle to take a seat on the sofa next to Spencer, his head resting in his hands as his eyes followed you. “You’ve been really quiet since the case ended,”

“I’m fine…” He said the words, but it wasn’t reflective of his tone of voice. There was something there. Something more, something beneath the words.

A sadness.

An uncertainty.

And if you listened to his voice, not just to his words, you’d hear a hint of pain, a deep seeded sense of misery that he was concealing beneath the usual layers of stoicism.

“Spencer you’re talking to a professional profiler, which I don’t even need to be to know that you’re not okay.” You can’t help the soft sigh that escapes your mouth, turning to sit sideways to face him properly.

"I'm fine," He said the words again, and this time they held a touch of force. But the words did not match his tone, still pained, wounded, and silently pleading with him to just be honest with you.

And as the words came out of his mouth, he took a deep breath, closing his eyes as if hoping that what he was feeling would be gone by the time he opened them again.

But when they fluttered open through his eyelashes he was still on the sofa of the jet and you were still sitting there and he still felt miserable.

“If you don’t want to talk about it then I won’t pressure you,” You dejectedly resign yourself at Spencer’s insistence, leaning your left side against the back of the sofa. “But just know i’m here for you if you ever want to get something off your chest okay?”

"It's just...It's just-" He paused, biting his lip as if unsure about what he was about to say. He knew it may be dangerous to let himself slip. So he considered his words carefully before he spoke again. "...it's just been hard...I’m so stressed and...I'm...feeling vulnerable. And I don't like it. I don't like it at all."

“Everyone’s gonna feel like that at some point Spence, especially in our line of work,” You tilt your head slightly at him, a soft expression painting your features that matches your tone.

"I know..." He said, " But...I don't like feeling like...like i can't cope. Like I'm scared. That's not who I am. I'm supposed to be the rational one. The smart one." Spencer dragged his palms up his face and back over his hair, leaning back against the sofa with his head leaned back against the wall.

“I don’t like being scared,”

And there, again, in that simple sentence was another hint of the hurt that his apprehension hadn’t managed to fully hide. “I’m meant to be better than that.”

“Spencer just because you are a functioning genius does not mean that you’re not allowed to be scared, that’s a part of what makes you human,” Your face furrows as you become increasingly concerned for Spencer and his mindset.

"I-...I know..." He said the words, but the underlying message was clear. He might know that he was supposed to have emotions and he might know that expressing them is healthy, but there was a part of him that was screaming at him to suppress them.

To bury his feelings and pretend to be the robot that his childhood (or lack thereof) had forced him to be.

He wasn't trying to be resistant, he was just...afraid.

“When was the last time you cried Spencer?” The question blurted it’s way out of your mouth as your concern for Spencer only continued to grow.

"Why would you ask me that?" His tone of voice was almost affronted by the question as if he were a little wounded that you had brought up something so sensitive.

He swallowed back the lump in his throat, and you swear that you could see his eyes glass over even in the dim lighting of the cabin. “Because i want to know exactly how much pent up emotion you’re dealing with right now,”

You make a conscious effort to relax your features as you look at him, sighing softly. “Please answer the question…”

Spencer took a second as he deliberated whether or not to answer your question, staring blankly across the cabin so he wouldn’t have to look at you.

"958 days ago."

He said the words coldly, but you could hear the emotion in the way he spoke them. This is the moment when he finally cracked. When he finally realised that hiding the way he felt wasn't a sustainable solution.

And its was also the point when he started to break down. The tears finally started to flow, and he couldn't stop them as much as he tried.

“Spence…” You reach out a hand towards him, but you barely get it up out of your lap before he firmly stops you.

"Don't..."

The words come out of him sharply, but there's something in his tone that saying the opposite. There’s a note of desperation in them. A plea. A cry for help. Because he wants you to touch him, he needs you to. But he's resistant to the idea, he keeps resisting it. “80% of communicable diseases are passed by physical contact. I don’t want to get sick.”

You curl up your hand into a ball as you let it fall back into your lap, pursing your lips as Spencer uses his statistical knowledge to stop you from touching him.

You knew he had an aversion to touch. That he was hyper aware of practically any illness that could possibly be transferred through human contact. You knew that he kept himself at a physical distance from everyone for a reason.

But you also knew that despite all of that he needed physical comfort. Words just weren’t going to cut it.

“It’s okay to need to be comforted…”

"I can get through this myself." He cuts you off harshly, and if you didn’t know that he was obviously mentally struggling his tone would’ve cut you deep.

He's in pain.

He's miserable.

And he's been alone for too long.

He needs emotional intimacy. He needs the affection and comfort of his friends.

He just can't bring himself to actually say that.

“Spencer, let me comfort you. please.” You bite the inside of your cheek as your eyes follow a tear that falls down his face, leaving a water streak in its wake.

“It’s not healthy for you to ball yourself up like this,” You plead desperately with him to let down his emotional barriers and just let you help him.

"There's nothing wrong with me." His words are still cold, but he's wavering now. His shoulders are lowering, his hands loosening from fists to lying flat on either side of him.

He wants you to touch him. He wants the affection that he's been deprived of for so long. But there's still that part in him that's resisting. The voice in his head telling him he can't.

“There doesn’t have to be anything wrong with you for you to need comfort Spencer,” You attempt again to hesitantly reach out a hand towards you, but your advances are again immediately shot down.

"Please.. Don't touch me." His words come out weakly. He's desperately resisting, but the tears are still flowing down his cheeks and you can tell that he’s trying not to completely break down.

“…Are you sure?” You hand retreats back to your side the second he denies you, but you both know he’s not entirely convinced of his own boundaries.

"I'm sure."

He's lying.

The tears were still streaming down his cheeks, and even one quick look at his eyes could tell you that he was desperate to be touched.

He was craving human interaction. But the words were still coming out of his mouth. He wasn't ready yet, not quite yet.

Your hand falls to the gap between the two of you on the sofa, a few inches left between his hand and yours as you suppress a sigh at the clear desperation coating his face despite his denial of your touch.

But you don’t want to overstep the boundary, even if he’s not 100% sure of it himself.

He stares back at you, still resisting the urge to reach out for your hand, even though he's not sure why. He knows that he would feel better if he could grab you and put his head on your shoulder, letting the weight of all of his problems wash away.

But there was still the little voice in his head shouting "Don't. Don't touch them. Don't." And he was struggling. Fighting with every inch of his being for self-control.

As the two of you fall into a slightly tense silence, you make a small movement to breaking Spencer’s self made barrier as you edge your pinky finger towards his own, just barely brushing his skin as you keep your eyes plastered on the opposite wall.

His eyes follow your fingers as they inch their way closer and closer to his. And when - at long last - you make contact, Spencer freezes. Time seems to just stand still as his eyes are transfixed on the single point of contact between your fingers and his.

He doesn't move, he doesn't speak. He just watches.

Over 200 breeds of bacteria are passed through people’s hands for every second they’re in contact.

But he can’t seem to pull himself away.

Because this is the connection he seeks. This is the release he needs. And finally, finally he gets it.

You continue to gently bridge the gap as your pinky finger links itself with Spencer’s, squeezing it with a gentle pressure as you try desperately to stop your eyes from averting back to him.

The second your finger links with his, a dam of emotions breaks. The tears flow faster and he lets out a whimper in the back of his throat.

As soon as you touch him, he leans into the feeling and turns his hand over, pressing his palm and his other fingers against your own, wanting more, needing more of this sensation that he's been starved of for so long.

You respond enthusiastically at his acceptance of the contact, interlacing your fingers together and giving his hand a soft squeeze as you finally bring your gaze back towards his face.

“You’re going to be alright Spencer…”

The moment your hand falls into his is a moment of sweet release. The flood gates have opened, the dam has broken, and there are no barriers between him and the overwhelming emotions he's been forced to bottle up.

And as the dam breaks so too does that small, insistent voice telling him to reject contact. That small voice that tells him he can't have physical affection.

Because that small voice is wrong.

And when you squeeze his hand he brings no hesitation into melting into you completely and burying his face into the crook of your neck.

You immediately shift to accommodate Spencer’s weight against your body, breaking the contact of your hands to pull him into a firm but comforting embrace, rubbing soft lines up and down his back as the other held his head against your shoulder.

With tears still flowing down his cheeks and his head buried in your neck, he lets out a soft, contented whimper.

His body relaxes in your embrace, and just lies there in your arms.

He's safe. He's finally safe, and it feels good. He no longer needs to hold himself together. And for the first time in years, he feels loved.

“I’ve got you…” You whisper the affirmation softly into Spencer’s hair as you rest your nose against the crown of his head.

He lets out more soft whimpers, his body relaxing as he leans into the comfort of your embrace, finally allowing himself to just let go.

He takes in big breaths, drinking in your scent as he tries to slow his breathing. He's still crying, but the tears aren't so severe anymore. He's finally started to calm down.

You lean backwards against the seat to support both of your weights comfortably as you focus on soothing Spencer through his emotions, running your fingers gently through his hair and massaging softly at his scalp.

The soft strokes against his head bring a wave of shivers, but they aren't like the shivers that he had felt when he'd been shaking so much.

These are better, these are warm and comforting, and it was like the tension was leaving his body from his head all the way down to his toes.

It feels good, it feels right.

Your touch was healing, and his whole body is relaxing in the gentle massage of your fingers.

“when was the last time you got a full night’s rest Spence..?” The question is soft against his ear as you continue to gently scratch and massage Spencer’s scalp, pulling him slightly towards you with your other arm to secure him safely in your lap.

“I… A while ago…” His words were hushed and sleepy, the exhaustion evident in the slight rasp that was present in his voice. He's been so caught up in the case and the work that he hasn't given a moment's thought to taking care of himself.

He's running on caffeine and willpower. He’s exhausted.

“You should get some sleep…” You carefully adjust the way yo two are sat until you are lying flat on your back with Spencer splayed out on top of you, burying himself in your presence at every point possible.

“I will…”

He's lying.

And based on the fact that his eyes are still squeezed tight against you and the way he's practically buried his body into yours it's clear that even he knows that he's lying.

There's no way that he can sleep right now. Not when he's finally feeling safe. When he's finally found comfort. He plans to bask in it for as long as possible.

“I’ll still be here when you wake up Spencer,” You know that he knows that you know he’s lying. “Get some rest,”

"But-"

He wants to hold this moment, to cling to this moment, trying to delay the passing of time just a little longer.

"I-“

He falters, realising that he's fighting against losing an argument that has already ended. He forces himself to breathe in and out in a slow and deliberate way as he resigns himself to the inevitability of falling asleep.

“…promise?”

He sounds less like a genius and more like a scared child when he says those words. A child who wants to be reassured. Who wants to be told that everything will be okay. That he'll be taken care of when he wakes up from his slumber.

“I promise.”

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #mgg #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds angst #spencer reid angst #asks 🫶

[alicerosejensen]

I love your page so much omg. I‘m literally obsessed with your work😭🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Also I have this imagination in my mind going on about how Leon would try to help his girlfriend from recovering from her mental health issues since she’s always helping him. I was recently thinking about how he would react finding her not moving on the bathroom floor and trying to bring her back! I rewatched American horror stories and the scene with tate and violet in the first season episode 6 (ig?) is always in my head. I‘m still recovering from my past and my unhealthy habits and tbh recovery never felt better.

If this is too much for you or triggering please ignore this.🫶🏼❤️

I had a terrible period in my life when I was a few steps away from doing something like this in my life and unfortunately this shit often comes out. I'm not sure that such texts help me work through my psychological traumas, which were, in fact, inflicted on me and continue to be inflicted by close people who do not consider me a person, but at least such works help me to vent my pain, which I cannot permanently bury in myself.

I have been postponing this request for a long time because I was probably waiting for the right moment to write this text.

There are mentions of suicide, psychological trauma, severe self-doubt and anxiety, so if this is not acceptable to you, then please just block it.

Perhaps there is a similarity with my previous texts, but I am writing this with strong emotions now that I am trying to cope with it again.

the text is chaotic, I repeat, written while I was under the influence of strong heavy emotions. Maybe I'll delete it later, when my brain gets back to normal a little bit.

If a songbird doesn't sing well, they wring its neck.

Maybe it was the costs of Leon's profession and the result of his constant missions, after which something human is gradually dying in him despite the constant struggle to save everyone. Raccoon City was supposed to teach, if not to survive, then make him begin to understand that some are doomed to die.

Leon Kennedy was taught not to offend, but to protect the weak, especially weak women. But it is difficult to calm the flow of disordered thoughts and put aside the fear that has seized him in order to clamp bloody wrists and apply something to them to stop the blood. Leon knew many strong women: Ada was perhaps the first among them, he did not know either her past or her real name, only the present that pushed their foreheads against each other; Claire, a fighting friend of misfortune that he met in that ill-fated city; Ashley, who turned from a baby eagle into a proud eagle; Angela Miller and others…

Your strength dissolves in the water, coloring it scarlet while your heart stubbornly still beats, let the rhythm noticeably shorten.

In truth, over the past few months it became clear that this was the only way out. When even your loved ones considered you an expired product and did not hesitate to remember this and remind you every time. In the end, their words turned into an obsessive worm that settled in your head, slowly day after day, month after month, devouring you and the circumstances seemed to be not in your favor. Instead of support, you somehow faced reproach, as if the universe was screaming that you were an wrong person, nature's mistake who had no right to live.

Escape attempts were doomed to failure. At first you tried to suppress it in yourself, helping Leon, because, in your opinion, he was the only one who had the right to complain about life, although he did not do this in front of you, because everyone said that you had no problems: you have everything limbs, there are no fatal diseases, all loved ones are healthy and there is a roof over your head, as if this is enough to not fall for nonsense and not walk around forever with a sad face.

This was the last time you shared your experiences. You didn’t even bother telling Leon, but everything inside was torn from constant pain. The feeling was as if you were being beaten by two extremes that led you to the edge of an abyss where you ultimately voluntarily jumped.

no, you really loved him, it was just other people’s words and your own speculation that convinced you, despite your strong relationship with him, that Leon would find someone better, someone more confident in himself, someone who would not be you because you had already missed the chance for a good life because it moved too slowly. Ultimately, a couple of sips of alcohol with sleeping pills and a sharp blade in his hands simply promised to correct the mistake in the form of you with your own hands.

You didn't have the courage to do it any other way.

But you really didn’t think that if you could try to open up to your loved one, you would meet support and not condemnation. Perhaps in a mad world he would be the only one who would heal your wounds as you healed him in your time. Leon clenched his teeth, feeling tears flowing down cheeks, seeing these crimson stains, when he pulled your body out of the bath, holding you close to him, repeating “I’m holding you. It's allright"

He so carefully laid you on his lap, managing to pull out a first aid kit and then bandages to tightly, albeit carelessly, wrap them around your wrist in order to somehow stop the bleeding. At least you were still breathing, thereby giving him hope that everything could still be fixed. the darkness and emptiness came to life, calling in a whisper to dissolve into eternal silence where there is no pain or condemnation. Your body will be in a grave under a gray stone, while the remains of your soul will float like a small grain of sand in infinity.

For Leon, everything happens in a fog; he tried more than once to save people, but he had no right to lose in this battle, even if you yourself surrendered to death. Shaking his head, brushing away the tears, he wrapped your body in a large terry towel, kissed your temple and picked you up, trying to somehow warm you, pressing you closer to him. the ability to provide first aid in the field and pull suicides out of the other world is not the same thing. Leon would have thanked God if he had believed in him, convinced that blood loss was the least of the evils that you had caused yourself, until he saw the remains of some substance at the bottom of the glass that stood on the table along with an almost full bottle of alcohol.

You really didn't give him a chance.

The ambulance took several minutes, which seemed like an eternity. In fact, Leon wasn't sure if it was worth trying to make you vomit when you'd already lost so much blood that it was already seeping through the bandages. Surely you would need a transfusion and Leon is ready to give you all his blood if only you would wake up. Holding his breath, he carefully looked at your chest, watching whether you were breathing and fortunately, your heart was still beating, slowly, but it was still fighting for life.

He stroked you on the head, kissed you, promised that he would take you somewhere else, quiet, where no one would dare to offend you, even if it was your family. You could have just asked him for help, just cuddled up to him and he would have protected you from other people’s attacks, but you preferred to remain silent. Kennedy was tired of waiting for the medical staff to let him in, although relatives should be allowed to see the patient first, but the position of a government agent sometimes had its advantages, and they concerned not only the high salary. When he was let in to you, it seemed to him that you had become half your size while you were lying on the bed, curled up under the blanket. It didn’t work out to pull off a beautiful suicide, which meant that soon angry relatives would come here with new sweat of bile especially for you. They won’t care about your feelings, but Leon sat down next to you, trying not to intrude too much into the space in which you imprisoned yourself, as if this blanket cocoon could be a separate world where you could hide. He spoke to you carefully, hating himself for not being able to understand in time what was wrong with your behavior; perhaps if he had been more attentive to you, the incident could have been avoided. You would see a psychotherapist, take a course of medication, and your environment would definitely be taken care of.

You cry, not letting him come to you, hating how you weren't just left to die and how much you hate this world. Hysteria after hysteria, nervous breakdown after nervous breakdown, in the hospital you repeatedly tried to commit suicide, but the attentive staff managed to prevent this before you inflicted fatal injuries on yourself, and if after some time Leon still managed to carefully break through your armor, then your loved ones This did not concern relatives in principle. You only allowed one person to visit you while you were undergoing psychological treatment and you behaved calmer and calmer, listening to the velvety words that soon all this would be behind you.

“We’ll go home soon,” Leon smiled, gently holding your hand and kissing your forehead, just glad that you’re alive, that you’re breathing and that your psycho-emotional state is slowly but improving. “You know, I have a surprise for you, I think you’ll like it when we get home.”

Soon what happened will become another nightmare in his life, a blessing with a good ending, but for the sake of this happy ending, Kennedy is ready to descend into hell at least every day.

You nod at him and smile a little, fearing that the gift is some kind of party on the occasion of your discharge. In fact, the last thing you want is to see someone’s faces, especially those who diligently hammered into your head how insignificant you are. Why do you even hope that the doctor will postpone your discharge, but the plans for your further treatment were completely different.

On the other hand, after taking antidepressants and psychological help in a special medical institution, how many men are ready to stay with their girlfriends who have been there for several months? For Leon, it seems this was not a significant problem, or he simply carefully did not show it. However, there were no parties, no calls, you simply returned now to his home where there were new interior items. it became somehow more comfortable... but something else surprised you.

Puppy. A small puppy of a couple of months old ran towards you and Leon to meet both of them, but stopped and began sniffing your shoes, while something thawed in your heart.

“Animals seem to help us well, They feel when we feel bad, it seems to me a good idea to get us a little companion,” Leon said quietly, stroking your back while you were busy with the puppy, rejoicing at the little living soul who will love you with the same pure and devoted love.

Ultimately it should have a happy ending too. Leon is ready to go to great lengths so that his beloved songbird starts smiling and singing happy songs again, even if it is necessary to remove other birds from her family who sleep and see how to pluck all her wings again.

You and he also have a chance for a happy ending.

#leon kennedy #leon scott kennedy #leon s kennedy #resident evil #leon kennedy x reader #leon x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #resident evil x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy resident evil #leon s kennedy x fem!reader #leon s kennedy x you #leon scott kennedy x reader #leon resident evil #resident evil leon

[bobosbillionsknives]

i agree with a lot of your points about knives, i do also think he is aroace of some kind (demi imo), but the way he ignores bodily autonomy wasn't a theme that was new to stampede. the way he consumes other plants and forced vash to use his angel arm are examples of it, though less explicitly 'sexual'. either way, his actions weren't born out of sexual attraction, he simply thinks that all plants are an extension of himself and he can use their bodies as he pleases since its for a 'greater purpose'. he is not a predator but he isn't innocent either

Oh no no no no no no no I do NOT wanna give the impression that I am genuinely defending knives is ANY way. 😭

I completely agree with everything you're saying. He is inarguably abusive. Saying he's not would be a wild ass claim to make. 🙏 My only argument here is that it isn't specifically sexual, but I'll get more into that in a bit. 😝 I have SO MUCH to say abt this...so I'm gunna use this as an excuse to word vomit on y'all. Thank you for bringing this to me I am itching.CRAVING to talk about my favorite girls always. 🤗💖

INSANE ESSAY POSTING LETS GOO !!!

I think your point on Knives seeing the plants as an extension of himself is SPOT ON!!! He does the same thing with Vash too. He's doing it because hes so stuck up his own ass he seriously thinks there is no possible way he could ever be wrong, everyone else is just too blind or stupid to see it his way. That's why he does the whole "eternal suffering for Vash the Stampede" bit. He genuinely cannot comprehend that Vash just fundamentally disagrees with him. He thinks if Vash goes out and sees every horrible thing a human can be he'll finally give up the hippy dippy act and face this false reality Knives made up as a coping mechanism so he never has to actually face any of his problems. Cause stabbing all your problems away is waaaaay easier than actual growth or change. Top ten girls who are trapped by the horrors of their past 😂!

Knives has a blatant misunderstanding of people's worth outside of himself. He disregards the lives of others constantly, he literally murdered 20 mil+ and was genuinely confused when Vash was mad at him for it. He doesn't take anything seriously. He especially doesn’t take physical pain seriously, unless it’s happening to himself. [DID YOU ACTUALLY SHOOT ME!!?] He's said that he knows none of the crazies he sends after Vash can ever kill him. He thinks if they can't kill him, then none of the hurt Vash experiences during these fights really count. Its always a game to him. He knows Vash will be fine because he has faith in his ability to fight. (He's complimented his fighting skills several times lol.) Yet he’s consistently shocked and disgusted when he sees Vashes scars, like he didn’t play a role in that ??? He just never thought of it until it was literally staring him in the face.

HE THINKS EVERYTHINGS A DAMN GAME !!!!!

Knives never really wants to force Vash to agree with him either, he's literally waited decades for him to come around to his point. He's definitely lashed out violently before, and has disregarded his safety. But I don't think he actually even likes seeing Vash in pain 😭 (maybe a little in a Itoldyouso brother kinda way lol.) He's completely horrified when he sees his scars. This panel speaks absolute VOLUMES to me. He is angry that Vash would allow people to hurt him this much. (Bro is for sure a victim blamer 🥱 Vash OBVIOUSLY should've known humans are evil and would do this to him. 🙄 HIS FAULT !) Those scars solidify in his mind that his brother is reckless, and clearly doesn't know what's best for himself. That's why he feels the right to "save" him from humans. Knives out of anyone in the world knows how much Vash disregards his own life. He's angry that his own brother would choose the perceived violence of humanity instead of the safety he has worked SO hard to cultivate for over a hundred years. After everything they learned from their childhoods, Vash would have to be deaf and dumb to keep crawling back to them. (From his perspective anyway.)

Everything Knives does he thinks is to better Vashes life. That's what makes him such a tragic character to me. He genuinely believes he's in the right and doing everything he has to so him and his brother can feel that safety that was never guaranteed to them in childhood. He loves Vash, (PLATONICALLY !!!! 😰) He wants Vash to be happy. He just doesn't understand why, that despite everything, living alongside the humans is what makes him happy. Something he only accepts at the end of trimax when he literally trees himself to assumed death so Vash could have that. Knives is unambiguously in the wrong, but I do think his thought processes are sympathetic. WRONG. But like .I get it girl. Besides, he acts more like a toxic mother than anything. How DARE you be so ungrateful after everything I've ever done for you that you've never even asked for. ✋😒 and EXPLICITLY told me not to do. Ugh. 🙄 you don't even love me…guess im just a terrible brother than huh…🥀 BITCH SHUT UP !!!!

Now about the asexuality, not only...do I think Knives is aroace. I think he's completely sex REPULSED!!!!! Sex is a mark of human degeneracy, animals clinging for power over each other. Hed think hes above it !! It would disgust him, I don't think he's ever had a sexual thought in his life. He’s also a Jesus freak he'd think procreation in general is a sin 🙄‼️ik his interpretation of the bibles gotta be INSANE. Exploring sensuality is like a normal and healthy thing to do no fucking WAY Knives is self aware enough to do all that. If he could experience any kind of libido, his hatred of humans would never allow him to explore it anyway. Since sex is such a huge part of human culture. He probably thinks consensual sex is a myth humans made up to assault each other easier…😭

this is literally him bro I can't see him any other way...🚬 He's literally a pearl clutching mom who refuses to understand anyone else's experiences because he doesn't understand them.

I can't imagine him being able to feel romantic love either...I actually think it would be pretty out of character ngl. Plus I think it could be an interesting element of why he feels so disconnected from humanity in general. It would be part of why he feels the need to define himself as alien. Knives would rather die than admit this, (and he did) but all he's ever wanted was understanding. The same way Vash does. Knives doesn't understand sexuality/romance, or deep empathy, or most social confinements at all. That's clear by his inappropriate emotional reactions and lack of a filter. He can't feel emotions the same way Vash or Rem can. It makes it very difficult for him to relate to and connect with others. Especially Rem. He feels too wrong, too broken, too alien. But he's convinced himself that this is actually a superiority. So he can sleep at night. But he's far more human than he'll ever be willing to accept. The familial love he feels for Vash is the only thing that makes him feel normal. And it's why he clings to it so desperately. I think that feeling being explicitly familial makes the most sense for the story.

(cut for explicit talk of SA/CSA)

Im never one to dismiss bad actions from a fictional character. If I thought Knives was a sexual abuser, id say it. I even considered it before I watched/read Trigun and kept it in mind the whole time because of how prevalent of a take it is. If anything, I feel like theres more evidence for metaphorical depictions of Knives BEING sexually abused than being the sexual abuser. I mean his literal whole thing is how plants bodies are used and abused against their will. Solely for the humans gain. While it's slowly and painfully killing them. And how afraid he is that they'll do it to him too....😭 He would be absolutely HORRIFIED by SA. I just don't think it's an abuse he'd perpetuate. It goes against literally everything he stands for. I get he’s a hypocrite and all but I could just never see Knives of all people doing anything sexually ever. ESPECIALLY for his own pleasure.

Both Vash and Knives read to me as CSA victims. This would need to be a separate post all together because there is entirely just too much to say. But I feel very strongly about this interpretation and it's why I'm so firm on this. Sexual abuse is a huge theme in trigun OBVIOUSLY!! And Vash and Knives can easily represent different ways people cope with trauma like that. Knives gets angry, and bitter, and lashes out. While Vash shuts himself off, and tries to run away from it all. Two extremes from two brothers. Two sides of the same coin and all that. They've been victimized, I think it's the main reason why Knives would be so angry and distrustful of humans. Now I know Steve was kind of a throw away character from the anime- but I believe long term interpersonal abuse from a human early in life would explain a lot of the deep rooted hatred Knives has for humanity. Along with his hatred for Rem if she failed to protect them, and his deep sense of entitlement to protect Vash if Vash couldn't protect himself. (Tesla was the last straw for Knives bc at least for a while he thought he could trust Conrad till all that happened and he realized the only person he could ever trust was Vash, and that fear never really left him even 100+ years after.) (My interpretation of Conrads role is also a different post gerrrrr TOO MUCH TO SAY.)

Knives' ideology has always been inconsistent, I can easily see him disregarding autonomy in some ways but refusing to in others and never making a mental connection between the two. Plus Knives would think Vashes scars are shameful and disgusting. He probably cant even make himself look at him let alone touch him be so fr. Knives' definitely has an unhealthily attachment to Vash but not in a sexy sex or ROMANCE way 🤦‍♂️ ITS JUST HIS BPD YA’LL 😝‼️#favoriteperson #extremefearofabandonment #vashkeepsleavinghim (also another separate insane essay post) there is no argument here that Knives isn’t extremely bad at emotional regulation. Familial/platonic dynamics like that happen literally all the time it’s just not evidence of anything to me. I can't even see Knives directly punching someone let alone be capable of sexual violence against his own BROTHER ? I'd argue he's far more verbally/emotionally abusive than he ever is physically anyway. He doesn't even kill directly, it's always either done without a second thought by his powers, indirectly by starving the population out, or by making other people do it for him. He doesn't seem to actually enjoy seeing people in pain, more the satisfaction of a job well done. I don't see why this wouldn't apply to Vash too? He doesn't even usually initiate their physical fights. Vash does. (He has every right to, for the record. Knives just doesn't comprehend why Vash would be mad so he always tries to talk like everything is normal. Lol.) And when they are fighting he always puts his hand on his face ?? More annoying than a direct indication of violence. He could just punch him or something but he doesn't? Like violence in Trigun isn't a thing known to happen. Idk I think that's interesting and worth exploring a bit yk ???

Obviously he chopped his arm off I'm not saying he's innocent there either, just that he's more likely to be emotionally manipulative than explicitly interpersonally violent LOOLL. He didn't chop off his brothers arm because he enjoyed it, to him that pain is neutral. It was just a super casual reminder. But SEXUAL violence is completely different, sure it'll leave scars but you can heal from physical pain all day and night I mean commooon it barely even COUNTS as real pain. (Because he rarely has to experience it.) (A certain someone's got a major empathy problem.) And if it kills you it doesn't matter cuz you're already dead 😝!! But SA is different. It's his worst fear and greatest agony. It's something he knows sticks with you your whole life, he doesn't think that's a wound capable of being healed. (So he never tries and chooses to live in constant fear and anger instead.) That's how I see it anyway...🤕 Again it's not like he's a reasonable guy he is known to be a bit unstable idk if u knew...

Actually if anything, I think Vash would be the more interpersonally violent of the two. (Vashes abuse is always reactionary tho he would never act like that if Knives would just be normal lol he is not the aggressor here.) I can't see Knives punching Vash but I could VERY easily see Vash punching Knives ykwim ??? (For trimax anyway, ik kid Knives beats the shit out of him in 98 which I DO think is funny. But I don't accept into my personal canon okay LISTEN we are talking about a lot of conflicting characterizations here. JUST HEAR ME OUT. ✋) Knives never even really blames Vash for BLOWING HIS LEGS OFF in July too, which I always thought was so interesting. It makes me think this is actually a common thing for them to the point that they don't even argue about it outside of "are you actually aiming at me again 🙄?" Which is more bitchy than angry. Like ugh I can't believe you. Typical, typical Vash. 🥱 He'd probably use it as a way of proving to him that they are the same. And despite denying it, Vash would actually agree and feel a deep sense of shame abt it. He's had 150 years of pent up anger after all. He almost killed him with a rock once lol. I'm tired of everyone woobifying Vash as some kind of perpetual uwu victim. Vash is fucking mean sometimes. He is just as capable of violence as Knives is. The same way Knives is just as capable of great kindness. It is known that Vash is in fact physically STRONGER than Knives. (With his plant powers and id assume in general because Vash actually goes outside while Knives reads in his garden all day.) I truly believe that the only reason Knives ever wins the sibling fights is because of Vashes constant hesitance. He's not a battered wife stereotype. All Vash wants is control over his own life, the last thing he'd want to see himself as is a helpless victim. It's why he always pretends nothing is ever wrong with him. It's why he doesn't accept help, and values other people's problems far above his own. His kindness was always an active choice and that's why he's such a powerful character. And Knives would bring out the absolute worst in him LOOL all that work he's done to better himself is instantly thrown out the window the second Knives' very punchable face walks in the room.

He was fighting absolute demons not to run over and beat tf out of Knives in this panel

This is why I feel so disgusted by stampede and the way they handled their relationship. They've dumbed down these characters to the point that they are unrecognizable. Literally every aspect of stampedes portrayal of them feels like a first conclusion based on a synopsis of their goals and personalities. I get there's only one season but that's a LOT to fuck up in one season bro. 😭. There is absolutely no salvaging Nai as a character for me. I'd cover my drink around that guy I find him genuinely repulsive. At least with trimax, you can read around an initial sussy reading if you wanted. How anyone defends Nai, I don't even know. That whole plant insemination thing is pretty on the nose y'all. Literally doesn't even make sense for him to do that like? Why would he want more independent plants??? It's like they tried to make Knives' motivations make sense when the whole point should be that they don't. He's fighting ghosts out of fear. Stampede wasn't even good enough to justify its own existence by how it looks. Adding peculiar plant pregnancy preggo fetish incest bait is just the turd on the turd cake. They ruined the most compelling part of the story for me. Pfft.... But whatever...🚬 not like I care ....🚬

Not to mention Legato y'all don't even get me started. The guy that HATES humans more than anything in the world taking in a HUMAN -SEX TRAFFICKING VICTIM. The one time he's ever taken pity on a human being and it was someone who was the victim of a violent sex crime. Yeah guys that dude. Total raper. Defo a brother diddler. What the fuck are we talking about right now y'all. I genuinely feel like sexual violence would be the last thing knives would ever do ever. I understand that there are sus scenes in the manga that could be interpreted this way, but considering the many themes in Trigun and his place in the story as a whole, I think it is such a misrepresentation. And it frustrates me to see it as one of the only things talked about in regards of his character. If I could, I'd rewrite every scene in the world so people could understand what I see, but I can't. And I know I can't control how other people see the media I like. Trigun is extremely interpretive, and I understand why this is a common conclusion. But I guess I just can't shake the feeling that it's more complicated than that. I have criticisms with trimax and ESPECIALLY 98. And there's obvi a lot id change to fit what I'd find most interesting. (Also why every headcanon revolves around Knives somehow teehee) BUUUUUT I do think all of my analysis is pretty based in canon. I can't stress how insane I am about this and how much I've thought about it 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕. Believe me, I've considered every obstacle. And I've stayed consistent.

Knives is a raper feels like the easy answer to me. To be completely blunt, it's just not as compelling. Vash and Knives would both have very complicated relationships with their bodies and sensualities and gender and their relation to their plantself and their humanself and blah blah blah whatever. I'd much rather explore that as a separate result of the same abuse than default to supercestsimulator69. Knives is already an abuser. Making him a sexual aggressor too doesn't really add anything to the story besides diminish and dumb down his very complex motivations. Vash and Knives should be very good friends who know each other better than anyone. (They are trauma bonded like CRAAAZZY, very codependent like y'all get it.) I think that would make their conflict SO much more interesting. While providing some great context to why Vash is so willing to give every horrible person he meets a second chance at life. If I saw my brother, who I love, and is my best friend in the whole wide world, slowly deteriorate under the pressure of the abuse we we're BOTH experiencing; go fucking crazy and kill everyone. And I KNEWW. He genuinely believed he was doing what he had to do to protect the both of us...I'd probably also give everyone the benefit of the doubt idk. Vash understanding Knives' motivations but still holding on to that (justified) resentment and anger is ESSENTIAAAL to their dynamic and also literally all of Trigun. Sexual abuse throws a rock in all of this. If anything I think Knives would tell Vash "I'm the only one who WOULDN'T assault you. They're human, they'll only see you for how useful you are. It's what they do. It's what you know they do. You're choosing them over me the same way Rem chose Steve over us." Knives' abuse is complicated and multifaceted, not just some gross display of power. He's not even the most power hungry character in the world. He's got a whole cult dedicated to him that he canonically IGNORES.

And he sure as shit doesn't respect people who are desperate for power over others!! He'd think he's above that too. Just more evidence of human deviance. (Like the scene in 98 where kid Vash and Knives are watching the humans fight over water. Animals who think one is more deserving of resources than the other.) He's narcissistic in the literal diagnosable sense but definitely not some kinda megalomaniac. I think that's a huge mischaracterization. He doesn't want to rule the world, he wants to destroy it. And he wants Vash to be his equal in this, he respects Vash. (as far as someone like Knives can respect anybody at all) He doesn't understand why Vash would choose to be so "dumb" because he's never allowed himself to feel the vulnerability of potential harm that Vash wants him to understand is worth it. It's why he locks himself away from the world, he's afraid of being victimized again. Knives' morals are all over the place, he genuinely doesn't think murder is bad but would consider sexual violence to be the worst thing anyone could ever do EVER. It's not like we're talking about the beacon of reason and consistency here y'all, Knives is cray cray sauce.

Anyway that's my thoughts, sorry this took forever to answer. 😿 And ended up being SOOO long.. I've on and off mauled over this writing and rewriting again trying to make any of my garbled thoughts make any sense. Hope it resonates with anybody at least bc I genuinely feel like I've been taking crazy pills lately LOOL. Take care of yourselves everyone. 💖 Never an easy subject to talk about.

#tw sa mention #theres more to say with knives and the plants too but thats an entirely different essay post LOLL #thank you again for the ask I was itching for some kind of excuse to get my thoughts together like this 😭🙏 #my based takes #asks #vash the stampede #millions knives #trigun #ive been putting off posting anything else to force myself to finish this...sorray yaaalll.....hope it was werth it thoo.... #do NOT let him talk about trigun yall. 😂 !! you'll never hear the end !!!! #trigun maximum

[thehollowwriter]

(Idk if I send a lot of asks but)

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

Fucking

Leoruggie and jamikali. It's a tie.

Leona is 20+. Ruggie is 17. Ruggie is in a servant role and far less privileged than Leona, who is a prince. This ship just frustrates me so much, and so many fics involve Leona treating Ruggie even worse than he does in game so it's just... bleh.

Jamil is the Asim family's slave. He is a slave. "Servant", "caretaker", "bodyguard", etc are are all nice ways of putting it. Jamil's entire being revolves around Kalim. He cannot exist outside of Kalim. He takes the subjects Kalim takes, thinks of Kalik at all times, and can never truly enjoy himself. His life from the start is deemed as lesser than Kalim's, as he's his poison tester as well. He resents Kalim for this.

Kalim essentially owns Jamil. He is a kind boy but so awfully unaware of the harm he himself is causing Jamil. In his vignettes, in the events, etc, whenever he's faced with a problem or wants something done, he tells people, "Jamil will handle it!" And carries on with no regard to Jamil's feelings or if it's even possible to do such things.

When Jamil tells him to stop doing something, or that he can't get this thing done in time, Kalim ignores him and says "I can count on you Jamil!" Why? Because Kalim is spoiled and even he is sweet, doesn't really understand the word no. Obviously, he's not doing this maliciously, but it's still very harmful and does nothing but contribute to Jamil's stress and suffering.

Idk, this whole ship doesn't sit right with me because it just feels like romance is a bandaid slapped onto a gaping chasm of a problem. Not to mention, no matter how kind Kalim is, it's very toxic and dangerous for Jamil to be dating someone with complete and unquestionable control over his autonomy like Kalim.

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

Azul beats out the tweels by 0.0000000001% so...

People either make him too much of a soft hearted crybaby, or too much of an evil capitalist.

Azul was hurt deeply as a child. The emotional scars left will take a very long time to fade. To cope he strived to make himself better, stronger, more desirable, and so on. In doing so, he's hardened his heart and it's a lot more difficult to get him now. It's literally stated in game that he hasn't cried in years. So no, reader giving him some affection won't make him burst into tears. He's not emotionless, but he's not going to turn into Season 1 Deku 2.0.

Then there's the other end of the scale. Some of ya'll make Azul way worse than he actually is. No, he's not going to force someone to date him. No, he's not going to make a potion to fucking... drug the reader??? Idk so many fics make him so overbearing and aggressive it's just... not like him.

And, let's not forget, he's a restaurateur's son and is literally just... a guy who owns a restaurant and wants to expand it. Sometimes people treat him like he's going to be the next CEO of Amazon or something. Azul is not ever going to be as viciously awful as most if not all CEOs are. Remember those guys are also sexist, homophobic, and racist and often fund bigoted organisations. Which... Azul would not do?

I know Azul can be a difficult character to write. It's hard to get a good balance when he's so morally grey. He's not an angel, but he's definitely not a complete monster either.

Sorry this is so long Elena, I got excited 😭

#quinn quips #quinn answers #quinn's friends #elen #leona kingscholar #ruggie bucchi #savanaclaw #azul ashengrotto #octavinelle #kalim al asim #jamil viper #twisted wonderland

[evansbby]

for my own sanity i need to know what position/how omega and steve fall asleep when they’re together and on their own !! on their own i feel like omega would have his shirt as a pillowcase and steve would be soo perverted like hold her panties in his hand and suck on them or smn 😭😭

Well, when they're together, they usually fall asleep with Steve's face buried in her neck with her stroking his hair!! (i'd add the cute eyes emoji here but i'm on my laptop rip) ORR, he picks her up and places her on his chest and holds her tightly!! They also spoon, and Steve is usually the big spoon but occasionally he can be the small spoon too (although he won't admit it).

If they are alone, Steve literally can't even sleep. So he just lies there flat on his back and stares at the ceiling. He attempts to sleep but cannot sleep without her so he tosses and turns and gets frustrated and punches his pillow. Then, he gets his phone out and jacks off to his stash of inappropriate pics and videos he has of her. Then he just stares at pictures of her but his body just won't let him sleep. So then he gives up and goes to work out or something, and barely gets any sleep at all.

Omega also has trouble sleeping alone but she is able to do it since she is used to coping with being alone. But she avoids sleeping bc she has nightmares unless Steve is there sleeping with her. But to trick her body into thinking Steve IS there, she has Steve Jr cuddled close, with her nose against his fur. She also nests with Steve's clothes folded and arranged around her, and she wears his jersey, and yes, as you said, she'd even use his jersey as a pillowcase. It's not as good as having him there, but it's close enough!

#poyt ask #poyt drabble #anon

[seoafin]

Crying and sniffling falling to the ground pls u CANNOT bring up stsg getting boners from ripmc being sick around me I'm a degenerate I CANT cope w this information I literally cannot stop thinking about them cooing and baby talking and pinching and cupping her as she just lies there all stupid and dumb and takes it. too delirious to talk or fight back just humming and mewing all pliant in their arms like PLSSSSS the image of her actually being boundary-less and forthcoming about wanting cuddles and reaching up all needy and grabby handy for Geto and crawling all over him and whimpering and he's like ahahaha... i'm gonna jizz on her thigh and Gojo's just watching like this is the most Serious Shit™️ I'm gonna krill myself they're going to insta coom when they realise they can do any fucking thing rn and get away w it they could literally just be like erm ^^' say...do you think you could jerk us off and she'd just sleepyhead smile and beam at them and literally just do it and say stupid lovey dovey shit because her embarrassment filter is gone like "ahhh... these feel so nice and big and warm in my hands...? It feels like velvet... <3 Gojo, your tip is getting so cute and red... Is it okay if I touch it just a little...?" Like they'd literally just have to ask her for anything and she'd get so into it not even cus she's that horny or anything she's just like their dicks are so cute stupit brained probably starts nuzzling their cocks on her face just cus they feel nice and warm and starts deep throating on em cus her woozy fever brains like 🫵 'u starve urself this is free food' literally wakes up to Gojo or Geto's dick in her gullet just fell asleep orally cockwarming them didn't even care and probably they feel bad taking low-key advantage of her like this but it is the one (1) time they will ever have ripmc taking the initiative to squirm and nuzzle all over em like this she will never get sick again it's a one time thing she's like a roach, even tho she's suicidal even she can't krill herself she simply cannot die it's a once in a lifetime opportunity the time to diddle her and her is NOW or NEVER

as i was reading this insane ask all i could think about was that tweet where it's like "nothing better than getting head from a sick bitch" 😭😭😭😭😭😭

anyway this is so insanely hot to me just the idea of being coddled while you're too sick to do anything like push them away....combined with a lack of inhibitions on both your parts. gojo keeping you upright while geto feeds you soup. but gojo has a wandering hand and he's feeling you up the entire time while geto watches and tells you to open your mouth with a smile. checks your temperature by sticking his fingers into your mouth. you want to kiss them but you don't want to get them sick so you decide the next best course of action is to suck their dicks.

#ROACH IS SENDING ME 😭😭😭 #anyway bam cured in the morning and completely mortified #you hide from them in the bathroom and avoid them for weeks after #after that i feel like stsg is just intent on fucking all the inhibitions out of you...they want you to tell them you love them #in the same forthright manner you did when you were sick #sorry i keep on hoarding your asks in my askbox sometimes i just stare at them they're too good #also this in a shoko fic.....trembling..... #not sfw

[buckgasms]

You need to start that Cowboy fic soooo bad 😭🥵🙏 i didn't know i need this so bad in my life !!

Omg same!! Well ask and you shall receive baby angel ❤️

I'm so in love with this man I can't even cope! Feel free to send me your thots about him and be a slut with me 🐎

"I cannot get on that horse" you pouted as Bucky chuckled, running his hand down the flank of the horse and patting it. "She's harmless and you'd be a natural rider, I'm sure of it darling..."

You watched him eye you up and down and you blushed as he walked over and gripped your chin in his finger and pulled you forward to press a kiss to your lips. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and leaned up to deepen the kiss, moaning as his hands roamed your body. When you broke the kiss he was looking down at you with the devil in his eyes. "How about I teach you darlin? You know I'm a good teacher ain't I?" You giggled and pressed a kiss to his chin. "Fine, but I make no promises cowboy."

-----------------------🏇---------------------

That night you were were making out with Bucky when he pulled away and looked at you. "You ready to start learning sweetheart?" You looked at him confused and giggled. "What? Learn what?"

He rolled on his back and pulled you to to lay on top. "Saddle up Baby, gonna teach you how to ride" he chuckled and patted his thighs as you giggled into his chest. "Bucky, this is crazy" but you climbed up onto his lap, your knees squeezing his hips as his hands gripped your waist.

"There, look at ya! Now use your hips sweetness, push where you wanna go, firm but gentle sweetheart." You did as he said, wiggling your hips here and there, grinding your heat against his thick cock, making you both moan at the sensation. You whined as he squeezed your breasts, rolling your nipples between his fingers, "look at you, a fucking natural" he growled, his voice strained as you rubbed harder.

"Want you.... Inside....please" you whimpered and he gripped your throat with his strong hand and sinking his thumb between your lips. "Go ahead baby, show me..." You lifted and he guided his cock into you and you slowly sank down, both of you hissing at the stretch. You hadn't had much experience before Bucky but nothing could prepare you for his size. It took a long night of him stretching you out, eating you pussy and slow, steady pacing until you could take him all the way. Having been making out with him for a few hours now, you were able to take him all the way with only a little discomfort before you sank all the way down with a sigh.

"Good girl" he moaned, his voice strained as your walls squeezed him tight. Your hands pulled at his chest hair gently and you rolled your hips, a beautiful moan leaving your lips as you did. He fucked up a little into you and put two fingers in your mouth as you continued to grind. "Look at you darlin, told you, so fucking perfect. Keep going.... Oh fuck that's it." His words spurred you on and you bounced as much as you could as you choked around his fingers. His other hand glided over your body, teasing and playing with you, making you mewl and drool around his fingers.

As your orgasm built your it became harder to maintain your ride and you leaned further down and he removed his fingers to capture your lips in a breath taking kiss. He held your hips still and rutted up into you as you could only cry out in pleasure. "Bucky... I...I can't.... Please...." He growled in your ear and landed some slaps on your soft ass, making your walls clench around his cock as he continued to fuck you. "Don't gimme that baby, you wanna come, you gotta earn it baby, come on, you can do it..." You whined as he landed more slaps and you managed to roll your hips a few more times before your orgasm ripped through you and you squeezed him so tight he crashed into his own.

He rolled over so he was on top and peppered kisses over your face. "Such a good girl... But I ain't nearly finished with you yet, you got a lot to learn sweetness..."

God help me I'm out of control.....

#cowboy!bucky #cowboy bucky #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #bucky smut #bucky barnes smut #sebastian stan #masterlist #darling nonnie

[asumofwords]

🎬 au anon here! I didn't really want to write this cause it would be extremely disrespectful for me to write an alternate ending but good lordy the amount of people I've seen being sad??? it makes me feel bad for them so to the people who wanna cope lmao 😭

“AND CUT! that's it. We're can wrap it entirely up now.” the director announces and everyone claps and cheers, You hug jace, baela before leaving to hug cregan, he rubs your back in reassurance before throwing you a sweet smile.

Aemond walks over before shaking hands with cregan and give him a bro hug, “Good job, Creg.” Aemond says and Cregan nods, “You too Aemond, sorry I stole your wife.” he jokes earning a joking punch from Aemond to his chest. “Still haunting her forever though.” Aemond giggles and you scoff, which turns his attention to you, “Girlie can't catch a break.” you say which makes both Aemond and Cregan laugh, “I mean, they are meant to burn together.” cregan says and you shoot him a playful annoyed looked which makes Aemond throw his head back in laughter.

“Are you attending the wrap up party next week?” Cregan asks and you shrug, “I'm not sure, Lucerys (now aged 4) and Aenys (the 7 month old who is now 2) might not allow me the time to do so, “Speaking about them, where is Lucerys? He acted so well it gave me chills.” Aemond says and just then your eldest son's runs screaming at you and hugs his fathers leg tightly, Aemond picks him up and places a kiss on his forehead.

“They managed to give him the creepiest of dialogues.” Cregan comments making you snort, “So true tho, he can communicate with his dada.” Aemond rubs his nose against Lucerys cheek which makes him giggle. “You did good baby! I'm sure the viewers will be surprised to see you.” you kiss Lucerys on the cheek, making him giggle.

“I loved how they waited for him to grow to film the final episode, the dedication because they wanted our actual son to act as our son in the show too.” You say, earning a hum from Aemond, “When will my death air?” he asks and you chuckle, “Next week.” you say, “Can't wait to see everyone's reaction, I just know they'll be crying.” Aemond smirks which makes cregan laugh, “I'll miss aemond too, hashtag aemondforever” he says which makes you giggle.

“I can't wait to see the shipping discourse.” You hear someone say from behind and you jump, realising it's Aegon and you sigh in relief, “You fucking scared us.” you quip which makes him laugh lightly, “What are you doing here anyway? Who invited you.” you say sarcastically earning a pout from Aegon. “Damn, you didn't have to be that rude.” he rolls his eyes playfully, “And excuse you, I have a right to be here, I want to support my younger brother.” Aegon says wrapping an arm around Aemond's shoulder, though it looks awkward since Aegon is short.

“Y/N!!!!!!!!!” you hear helaena yell and you immediately embrace her, she pulls away and looks at Aemond, “You know it doesn't hurt you to smile right?” she teases and Aemond jaw drops, “I cannot smile! It's literally in the script, I'm supposed to look menacing.” he says and you nod “You did look menacing, even I am traumatized.” you agree which makes helaena laugh.

“So will you all be attending the party next week?” Cregan asks again and you shrug once again, “I would love to, but Lucerys and Aenys... And on top of that we have Visenya too now.” you remember your daughter who was just born recently.

“Aemond never beating the breeding kink allegations, not in the show, not in real life.” Aegon speaks up which causes you to laugh.

“Watch her reveal that she's pregnant with another kid now.” Jace jumps in, having heard the earlier convo and your face drops before a small smile creeps up your face and Aemond gives you a knowing look.

“No fucking way, actually?” Aegon asks shocked. And you nod.

“Dude let her rest, is your plan just to keep her full of you now?” Cregan says, earning a laugh from him, “That is my plan, yes.” he replies, which got him a smack from you.

“Seriously? Girl you just gave birth 4 months ago.” Helaena says before she glares at Aemond who just shrugs, “You really should shove a dagger deep into him, like actually.” Helaena says, rolling her eyes, which earns a smirk from Aemond, he covers his kids ears before speaking

“Mhm yes deeper haa” he says lewdly which makes your eyes pop out of your skull.

“FOR FUCKS SAKE AEMOND—”

The rest of the day was filled with laughter and you hanging out with your colleagues, spending them with them as the filming had come to an end.

Small treat for those who want to live in denial, ONCE AGAIN I'M WRITING THIS BECAUSE I FEEL BAD FOR EVERYONE HAHSHAD this isn't an official ending of sf&a, unless you wanna live in denial, but like yeah,

I LOVED THE SERIES SO MUCH.

The way I’m smiling like a good reading this!!! Omfg I LOVE IT !

[lanshappycorner]

Not to sound insane at 6 in the morning but you know if I were delusional and imagine 10051 dating it would probably start in their uni days again (post arcobaleno arc)

Because I can imagine after everything is over, Byakuran asking Shoichi if he wanted to be more than friends and Shoichi's just like "aren't we best friends already ?" And Byakuran is like "I think some would call what I'm referring to as Lovers" and Shoichi is like "Wwhat? No way." Instant rejection😭😭

I do think they love each other but because they share memories of the future and not the actual experiences, shoichi wouldn't be too eager to get into a relationship (I do think he'd want to say yes really badly because logic says no but his heart says he really really loves byakuran)

I'm pretty sure Byakuran would have already known that though and he was just asking to ask💀 so he's like "then I'll ask you again in a couple of years ^^" and Shoichi's like "will you still even like me in a couple years" because that's a long time...and Byakuran just looks at him as if he said something ridiculous and he just responds so calmly he's like "yeah, I will."

No elaboration nothing he's just completely confident that he will like shoichi and shoichi is just so ??? (Although I think shoichi knows his feelings will grow stronger over time but he's never liked giving into what fate wants anyways </3)

Anyways fast forward they're both in college now and Byakuran casually asks Shoichi again, but this time it's really been years so Shoichi feels like he can agree and it's honestly all really normal

But because both of them have been friends for so long and have only briefly considered being lovers, the transition is awkward like both of them end up in a room alone together and byakuran is like "is this where we kiss" and shoichi is like "uh.....but why" and byakuran is like "I honestly cannot tell you idk either its the vibes..." (<neither of them understand how any of this works)

It would take some time and I think Byakuran would be the more affectionate out of the two first and it takes a while until Shoichi realizes that they're ACTUALLY in a relationship because suddenly Byakuran is holding him in a more intimate way and they are CUDDLING and KISSING and its so WEIRDDD

Shoichi asks Byakuran how he's just so natural at this and he's like "I'm not a natural at this, Sho-chan, but I have been holding back for the past 4 years if that means anything" and shoichi gets so flustered but he would be lying if he said he hasn't felt the undeniable urge to kiss byakuran these past 4 years either </33

Also since I'm on the topic I think Byakuran would have the worst time coping with wanting Shoichi for himself because Byakuran can in fact be a . Very very selfish person but I think he'd want to respect Shoichi's wishes especially during their kind of situationship + the beginning of their relationship

Like he's just supposed to be so calm while all these people r hanging out with shoichi (<jealous) and it was even worse when shortly after they started dating Shoichi borrowed his shirt because he stayed over for a night to have a study session and like.

When Byakuran saw him in the Boyfriend Clothes he just had to laugh hysterically face covered and everything and Shoichi is just like "what's wrong with you do I look that bad💀" and byakuran is like "no you look amazing sho-chan but I am laughing because of the self restraint required for me to not kiss you right now so can you take a step back" and shoichi is just ajdjsifsndj?????

ALSO ALSO ALSO sorry for rambling last note but I think Shoichi would have a hard time comprehending that anyone likes him romantically because his self perception is probably not the best but Byakuran is there to prove him otherwise every day without fail .

Anyways that is all thank u for reading all of this if u did. 10051 real

#first thing in the morning i have to be obnoxious abt them sorry everyone #10051posting

[bnha-more-like-bnh-gay]

So, for a couple of years now, I've been reading the old X-Men comics of the 70s & 80s, and a few recent issues from '87 have given me a great idea for an AU.

Ready?

Dazzler!Izuku 😀

So, Izuku is born with a quirk that allows him to transform sound into photonic energy. Anything from generating benign blobs of light that move, pulsate, and change color in relation to whatever music he's listening to (tho, this can be weaponized too; during the sludge villain attack, Izuku overwhelms the villain's eyes with a fantastic light show that leaves him catatonic), to concentrating a single, loud noise into a laser beam that deals concussive damage.

Izuku would, of course, gravitate towards Present Mic as a mentor. And he would team up well with Jirou.

So, what do you think?

I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO REPLY TO, SCHOOL AND MY MENTAL HEALTH FUCKED ME OVER. I have had half of this in my queue for about 3 months, ya bitch was just burnt tf out 💀

But dude, I absolutely fucking love this 😭😭

Heads up, my knowledge of physics is limited so I’m not going to be talking much about the actual details of his quirk until after I learn more about it, but I hope you enjoy!!!

Izuku who makes physics jokes.

He has shirts with physics puns on them. A shirt that says, “the photon checked into the hotel and was asked if it had any bags, it said, “no thanks, I’m traveling light!”

Reminds me of the time I was dual enrolling and in my psychology class, I said, “I once asked the librarian if she had a book on Pavlov’s dog and Schrödinger’s cat. She said it rung a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not!”

I thought I was so funny, but everyone else hated me.

Izuku is that kid. He does that shit

Inko loves it, she thinks her son is hilarious. Mic loves it. The little lister is so smart! Nezu has a goddamn field day. Aizawa is so tired, but secretly likes the jokes. He face palms every time and acts like it’s the end of the world, but he does like them. Midnight thinks it’s great, she asks izuku for more jokes/puns all the time. Mainly to annoy Aizawa. But still. BRUH, MISS JOKE. SHE LOVES THIS LITTLE SHIT. I honestly feel like all might wouldn’t understand most of them, but he’d love them anyway.

Izuku: I was studying frequencies, but now my brain Hertz.

He accidentally freaks people out the first few weeks in the dorm because they’re not used to it/expecting it.

The number of times mina asks for mood lighting

I really want to drive home that he makes an unholy amount of puns

He doesn’t even try to, it just happens so naturally. Shouto has theorized that it’s a secondary quirk.

You have spoken directly to my soul with mentor mic (and Jirou/izuku friends)

They’d all work so well together though

Mic brings him to Put Your Hands Up Radio not only to work with his quirk, but to help with his nerves

It is no secret that izuku is a nervous lad, but I raise you, mic was also a nervous lad (personal headcanon, but you cannot tell me that lad doesn’t have generalized anxiety)

Mic helps izuku gain some coping mechanisms (or coping mic-anisms if you will (thank you, thank you))

Mic is a nerd, izuku is a nerd, Jirou is cool, but a nerd. Jirou, similar to Aizawa, rolls her eyes at the physics puns, but does she think they’re funny? Yes. Yes, she does. They defends izuku when people mock his puns

Mic couldn’t be prouder of his children

Thank you for the ask! I hope you enjoyed! Sorry it was kinda short 😅

#bnha #mha #midoirya izuku #izuku quirk au #parental present mic #you have spoken to my soul with mentor mic #jirou kyouka #kyouka jirou #izuku problem child midoriya #papa mic #yamadad

[attonitos-gloria]

If the main tension in the last seasons of Game of Thrones was between Jaime and Dany, what would that look like? How would it have changed things?

friend, thank you for this ask. This is going to be very long heheh sorry in advance. writing Jaime's arc is the most satisfying part of IKTE for me so I'm very happy for this, thank you truly.

Jaime is a character traumatized by fire. Not the only one - but he is prominently traumatized by it, and indeed his entire reputation was built around the fact he has broken sacred vows because of a Targaryen king who used fire as a tool of intimidation and social controlling. More than any other character in the show, Jaime knows the political implications of fire as a weapon. And if the daughter of said king comes back from the ashes of House Targaryen to conquer Westeros and re-establish her father's dynasty... using fire-breathing monsters as her main weapon... do you get it 😭

(that scene of Jaime trying to get Drogon killed is so good - the way the camera focused on his face, on the fire and ashes and smoke and the people burning alive around him ! he was reliving the Throne Room he was a knight trying to kill the dragon he was trying to make it right and tyrion was THERE on the enemy's side but watching him ;-; they were so close of getting it right WHY NOT LEAN INTO THAT !! It was delicious!!)

You can argue that Jaime is barely aware of this, since, true to his Lannister name and blood and inheritance, he spends his life in denial about this trauma. I would agree with this statement, which is why I think putting Jaime between Dany and Cersei as political choices is more interesting than putting Jaime between Cersei and Brienne as love interests in the most bland way possible.

If Jaime is going to leave Cersei at some point, why not earlier, at the end of season 6 when Cersei pulled an Aerys against the Tyrells?? Their relationship already is, in a way, a coping mechanism against the institutional violence of knighthood; he is the knight and she is the queen, everything is justified because of that. Their idealized versions of each other only exist in their heads anyway. Imagine if the Sept of Baelor is the last straw in a relationship that has been in crumbles for a while now. All their children dead and Cersei the very embodiment of Aerys. (Forget the pregnancy plot. It was stupid.)

And then there are so many possibilities from then on when Daenerys arrives in Westeros. The show sets her up to be rejected. I can follow that. I truly cannot conceive, in show canon, a happy ending for Dany - and by happy ending I mean everyone loving her and welcoming her as their Queen. I think her dragons are an ethical problem that needs to be addressed; the show and books themselves already pointed in that direction. The Dance of the Dragons is a cautionary tale about this, the entire story of House Targaryen is about this. I do love Dany and I believe she is a good person at heart, but also. Consider. She has the canon equivalent of nuclear weapons. The dragons are useful to kill the true enemy (the Others) and you can argue that there is an ethical justification to use them to end slavery, but then what. Then what comes next. When the enemy is defeated and this woman is the only person in the world with weapons of massive destruction. What do you do with the weapons after the War is over - I cannot be the only person who thinks this is an issue like 😭 Jaime has reasons to be wary more than anyone - yes, even more than Sansa; Sansa has reasons to be concerned and to worry about the North, but Daenerys was coming with aid in the War, and I don't see any reason why Sansa didn't even >>try<< to be mildly diplomatic, except that the writers wanted the conflict to rise. I don't know; I'm grumpy about this, and it is very hard to make sense of Sansa's actions in season 8 for me, but I will stop myself right here because this isn't about her. This is about Jaime !!!

I feel like a lot of what we call Jaime's redemption relies on his romantic feelings for Brienne; even in the show, he leaves Cersei and goes North to fight for the living because it is the ~right thing to do~, but the subtext kind of says that he went for Brienne. And it's not that I don't ship them: I do! But falling in love with Brienne is not a redemption arc, doing things because Brienne would approve is not a redemption arc. It has been said before, by people smarter than me, but Jaime is not in a redemption story; he is in an identity crisis story. I feel like the show tried to give him an redemption arc only to pull the rug at the end going like "nope, sorry, people don't change" - and since said redemption relied completely on his romantic feelings for Brienne, it wasn't enough to knight her; he had to sleep with her. Since the point being made was that people don't change, that meant necessarily ending his affair with Brienne and cruelly breaking her heart so she would let him go back to Cersei. Because what else is there to say about Jaime Lannister other than which woman he chooses to fuck by the end of the story?

Do you get what I'm saying? Like, I know he is pretty. But the choice of framing Jaime's story as primarily a love story between two women, the good one and the bad one, is wild to me. Really? That is the most relevant thing about this man?

Did he change? Did he find a solution to the problem of knighthood? That doesn't mean loving Brienne (he did say "I have never slept with a knight before" to her, after all. The man literally wanted to fuck knighthood! in every meaning, layer, and way! okay Jaime). That means *becoming* what Brienne already is - a person who is willing not only to kill, but in fact, to die defending the vulnerable and the innocent. And I felt like the show shaped this like "will Jaime choose Brienne or Cersei?" And everything else was secondary to that, when I think the romance could really stay in the background and the knighthood crisis should come into focus on main stage. And because Dany and Cersei are meant to be each other's foils, both in their similarities and differences, I do like the idea of Jaime being stuck between these two Queens who are, each in their own way, Aerys, who made him who he is (a Kingslayer).

SO. There are many ways this could go about:

Maybe Dany demands Jaime to kill Cersei in exchange for royal pardon; this man, after all, killed her father in an act of betrayal. She forgave him way too easily in the show. All that tension! For nothing!!!! Do we want a grim ending? No problem. Maybe he does kill Cersei and then kills himself (favorite book ending, for me). Maybe he can't handle being confronted with the reality that his life is built on an empty lie. Maybe he looks at Cersei and sees wildfire and madness and Aerys, and there is no escape, and he does not know how to live with himself with or without this woman. This has always been the cost of knighthood: blood. It has been this way since Arthur Dayne knighted him. And he cannot stand the idea of serving the daughter of Aerys for the rest of his life; he would literally rather die. Maybe love can't save the day this time.

Or: maybe Jaime vows to kill Cersei and publicly and officially bends the knee to Dany, only to break his vows again and betray her, killing Dany instead, before she can set King’s Landing on fire. Or even better: after. After he sees her as Aerys' extension. Maybe Jaime is in a time loop, doomed to repeat this, doomed to kill the dragon. Do we want grim endings for everyone? No problem: this time, he actually suffers the consequences of high treason - he is sent to the Wall, he takes the Black; or he is exiled. You can get away with killing your Monarch once, but not twice. For once, he is not rewarded for an act of brutal violence and betrayal. No cathartic death for him: he only needs to live with the consciousness that he saved the world twice, but he had to sacrifice his soul twice to do it. And no one sings his praise. He's still the Kingslayer.

Are we tired of grim endings? We don't want Jaime to be the Kingslayer? Also, no problem. Because the memory of the War that traumatized him, the trigger for it, is embodied alive in the person of Jon Snow. The boy Jaime's heroes and brothers-in-arms died trying to protect. Maybe Jaime is tired of being torn between two Mad Queens and he decides to give his life to put Jon, Rhaegar's son, on the Iron Throne. He is not the Kingslayer anymore. Fuck that. He is the Kingmaker. Kind of like Criston Cole, but cool and less catholic. He could even be Hand of the King to Jon.

Or maybe it bothers you, as it bothers me, the fact that Jaime actually pushed a child out of a window, and that event is treated like a small detail in his story once he gets North. It was not a thing Cersei commanded him to do. Cersei did not take his hand and forced it to do it. Jaime tried to kill a boy. He permanently damaged Bran's body. Any attempt at redemption that does not address this is flawed. Maybe the only way to redeem Jaime is to make him Bran's ally because Bran is one of Dany's strongest narrative foils, right there with Cersei and Tyrion: some characters have magical attributes, things they are able to do; some characters have magical things happening to them; but Bran and Dany *are* magical in themselves. They carry the power along with them. And, by the end of the show, Bran is KING. He is one of the most powerful creatures alive - he can travel in time AND control people's and animals' minds/bodies - and he apparently has been PLANNING the whole thing (why do you think I came all this way, etc) all along. Does that even make sense? What is it about Bran that allows him to be powerful and in charge by the end of the story, to the point of allowing the destruction of a city in order to get what he wants, while Dany has to be sacrificed and is deemed too power-hungry? Why is Dany's inability to have children a problem, and Bran's assumed inability to sire children presented as a solution? And more importantly- what does Bran WANT? (To hell with that ableist "Bran has no feelings or desires and can't be tempted" bullshit). And given all that: if Bran and Dany are foils and parallels, what if Bran gets things done with Jaime's help? (Not necessarily as heroes). Because he kind of owes Bran. He is the man who put Bran on that wheel-chair and changed the course of Bran's entire life. And Lannisters pay their debts, or so we are told. Maybe we could even try to actually say something relevant about magic as a weapon and the people in power wielding it.

I feel like you could still pull something out of the fact that 1) Jaime's alleged last chance of honor (Sansa) is already antagonizing Dany and 2) His little brother sided with Dany after killing their father, and he actually forgave and forgot about that too easily in the show too. There is a lot of implied drama and nuance because so many relationships in Jaime's life are bridges to Dany. I just wanted to see it explored to the last of its potential.

Anyway. I'm rambling at this point. but the gist of it is that if Dany needs an antagonist in Westeros, a character to embody her rejection, Jaime is a better candidate than Sansa, imo. This man needed to be used in a political plot as a relevant, game-changing player at the end of the show. Some of those ideas I don't even like lol all they have in common is that they force Jaime to own his bullshit and stand up to something and put his skin in the game instead of running between Brienne and Cersei through 8 seasons, and I say this as someone who appreciates both Jaime/Cersei and Jaime/Brienne from a shipping perspective.

#got #jaime lannister #game of thrones #ask me stuff #long post

[strikersexhaver]

Alright, I’ll bite. How about both sfw and nsfw headcannons for Striker dating a trans masc AFAB with autism and ADHD, and who often struggles with anxiety, gender dysphoria and sometimes dissociation? (If it helps to know, I often cope through stimming with rubbing soft/smooth textures and with pressure stims such as hugs/squeezes and weighted blankets). Make it as long or as short you need to, anything that you can come up with for Striker dealing with/reacting to these things I’d be interested in reading. (For the sake of my own comfort though, say I have top surgery, refer to the naughty bits as a cock/dick, and only use he/him pronouns for the reader) I hope this isn’t too much to ask!

Also…god damn I am addicted to this man’s voice and I wish he could just vibrate my entire body with his rumbles and snake sounds gkdnfkdndn

To be fair… Me too, me too 😭😭… I love his voice, both voices are amazing to me. And also sure, I can do this! I have autism so I can put some firsthand experience in here as well !! Plus, my brother is trans, I used to take care of him during his transition.

CW for NSFW under the ‘read more’ cut!

Personally, Striker didn’t think or care much about you being trans.

Don’t get him wrong- he supports and loves you but he doesn’t really care about gender. He mostly sees you for you, and your strength-

He does respect the courage of coming out, or being bold with it since-

In Hell there’s more than a just a little amount of assholes lurking around.

He’ll be right by your side if you ever wanted him to fight for you or deal with dipshits.

Back on track though, he would help you in transitioning if you asked- via HRT shots, helping you afford the surgeries required to make you feel comfortable in your own body.

When he sees how you looked like when everything healed, he’ll say you’re sexier than ever.

(If you were an imp, he’d help paint your horns to be the more thick black and white lines like other men imp, if you wanted that of course)

Now as for relating to things like autism and ADHD, you’d have to explain a lot to him. Because I highly doubt Hell has a good educational system about mental health.

He enjoys hearing you talk, about this or fixations little or larger ones like hyper-fixations. He likes your voice, regardless of how it may be.

(Also- if you stopped wanting to take HRT for a while and you had a voice drop, he’d be mad confused)

But for other things such as flooding, he’d try to calm you down in the best way he could without stimulating you further.

As for meltdowns, he doesn’t know how to deal with them. He really does not, so he gives you space. At least on the first time, if it bothered you and you came to him on what to do when it happened again, he’d listen.

He’s not going to be the best, but he’s never gonna lay a hand on you during this state.

Speaking of, if you had certain sensory issues with touch- he’d be mindful to check to see if you’re up for physical contact.

He will mess up, sometimes forgetting entirely, but that’s only after a long day of killing and shooting.

He’d learn how to not just tap your shoulder for your attention, like waving a hand in front of you or tapping the table you were sitting at or anything really.

If you had certain tastes in exact textures or clothes that’d make you more comfortable, he’d try getting a few to make you feel better- same for weighted blankets once he learns of them.

He’s not afraid to steal for you if you needed it-

As for sound related issues, if for example you had an issue with metal scraping metal. He’d take you to a different area. If it was from him, he’d take it somewhere else where you cannot hear.

To be honest, if you brought it up saying you wished you had something to shut things out or turn out the noise.

He’d absolutely- 100% get you noise cancelling headphones, if they were expensive- fuck it, he’ll steal it- he’s not above murder so why would he be above stealing? He lives to see that joyful smile on your face- even if it’s for a brief second before you return to your resting face.

He knows you loved it, it boosts his ego and gives him a serotonin boost.

As for anxiety, if it was social anxiety and you didn’t like speaking up to others- this mf will do it for you, he has no problem, he loves talking.

Now to NSFW, Striker he still loves talking- not as much, but if you’re into it you’ll be hearing a lot of praise.

He’ll give masculine nicknames like ‘Good boy~’ if you were into that, if not he’ll stop.

But knowing firstly knowing his voice, you don’t and probably won’t tell him to stop.

Also- speaking of stopping, previously going to back to boundaries. He’d ask you firmly what you did not want him to do or not, gender-related or not.

He’ll experiment with you, trying to see if you’d prefer being a top or a bottom. Because some people prefer having roles that suit / fit their gender identity.

(A/N at least from my perspective, some people do! Not everyone ofc)

(Striker will always try to be the dom though- regardless-)

(A/N) Hope it was good! Please let me know how it is, I’m always open to critique and sorry the NSFW part was so short I simply couldn’t think of much! I’m not trans (depending on how you see nb people DJSNHA) well- ftm, but if I did or said anything wrong or wrote anything wrong let me know!

Also, requests are open!

#striker x y/n #striker x reader #striker x reader helluva boss #striker #striker and reader #striker / reader #striker helluva boss #helluva boss #helluvaboss

[midnightmah07]

i was re-reading this to see if there was any spelling mistakes and spotify started playing “ready for it?” by taylor swift- AND TBH, no i was not ready for it

Taking a long deep breath, to not cry on the spot. Her heart felt heavy, her breath was like a painful whine, and oh… Her red shinny eyes, already red for the early crying., now crystal clear for the holding tears.

“Daisy!”

She turns to see Ruggie’s face. But, as if pleading for him not to speak a word, or else she would feel the eternal pity and guilty.

“Don’t forget me. Okay?”

How could she? How could she forget any of them?

Looking at the magical mirror that contained the portal where she would go back her brain thinks. It was a battle: Logical side vs. Emotional side.

The worse part, is that the logical was winning.

There she is, hugging herself for comfort. His smile felt like a vision, but a vision that is seldom like all they seem.

Daisy knew Ruggie, she knew he wasn’t okay. Ruggie knew Daisy, he knew she knew that fact of his fake smile.

Her minds doesn’t stop to think yet she can’t think. Why? Why even in a moment where she would finally get back in her feet on a world she belongs to… Should be painful?

“I’m sorry.” She turns to face everyone. With a sad smile. 

And that’s how Ruggie knew. He couldn’t be enough for her to stay.

“I love you, Ruggie. But, I don’t belong.”

Of course, everyone could’ve screamed: “You do belong!” But she didn’t, if she didn’t believe she deserved to be in that place, why would anyone else be willing to prove her wrong?

Ruggie eyes winded. No… He can’t. He wasn’t ready for any of this.

“Daisy, don’t talk nonsense! We—“ Looking at her he noticed, nothing, would make her stay. He wasn’t all that important matter, he should’ve knew. He can’t blame her, I mean, if he was in her shoes, would he stay?

The answer was clear for him, but, she couldn’t do the same. And that’s why, if he was her, he wouldn’t do as well.

She turns back to the mirror, stepping in. And with that, Ruggie fell in his knees, shaking. Would he one day, see her again? That’s a question that not even the mirror would know.

“And that’s how we know, she isn’t meant to be nor exist here.” The mirror tells.

Anyone would say this was a normal drama scene, but, oh… Did it felt like so much more… 

Maybe they can meet again. In dream? In his best dream. Where he can hold into her like the tomorrow does not exist. 

And that’s, how the unwritten story of Ruggie and Daisy, comes to a end.

People never will be satisfied. We cannot feel complete, only if we do this by ourselves, not because another person does this for us.

Ruggie noticed it. Not too late, but too early.

You know what. I'm just. Gonna crawl on my bed and stay there for the rest of the day. That seems reasonable. Yup.

THE MIRROR SAYING SHE DOESN'T BELONG THERE IM GONNA BREAK THAT MIRROR INTO THOUSANDS OF PIECES I HATE THIS CRIES

I'm fine I'm ok.

ONCE AGAIN YOU DID A WONDERFUL JOB BUT U USED YOUR POWER FOR EVIL😭😭😭😭 IM NEVER GONNA FORGIVE U (I will in fact I already have this was way too good)

Bye gonna think of fluffy scenarios of newly wed daiggie living in sunset savannah happily ever after so I can cope with this🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️

#💙! mah's answers #💙! moots!!! #💙! Barbs's writting!

[numbknee]

omg more kyman headcanons please, your last ones were *chef’s kiss*

aaaaaa I am SO SORRY I completely missed this ask so apologies if this is a million years late 😭🙏

but alas....I do have many kyman headcanons rattling around in my brain (and a lot of them are displayed in my fics so this is a shameless plug to read those lol...also a lot of this is very horny so I apologize in advance)

when kyle and cartman finally get together, a lot of their external dynamic doesn't really change that much. I adore this post by sludgescribble because it perfectly exemplifies how I see established relationship kyman: arguing until the cows come home but still holding hands. still being huge fuckin idiots, still obsessed with each other, still very much in love

I like the idea of kyle going into counseling or something else psychology-related because of the post-covid specials (and also i'm a psychology ho), but I can't for the life of me imagine an actual career that cartman would settle on.

I would think cartman would be the type to do odd-jobs for his whole life, never settling on one thing but jumping around from place-to-place where he thinks he would make the most money in the quickest amount of time possible, maybe running a drug ring or a dog-fighting circuit or whatever before moving on to the next thing. either that.... or he just becomes a fuckin rabbi lmao. I totally lost my shit at that in the post-covid episode because it was the COMPLETE fucking opposite of what I (and I'm sure a lot of other viewers) expected from him. but leave it to cartman to keep us on our toes every goddamn step of the way. also I'm sorry but rich CEO cartman just doesn't do it for me. he needs to be in a position of power, but simultaneously that position needs to be... kind of lame and unconventional.... like a mall cop or some shit. hahahaha

(now onto shmekshy stuff again I'M SORRY) kyle takes a while to admit to himself how much he's physically attracted to cartman because... denial and conventional beauty standards are strong forces to be reckoned with. but once he does, he's fuckin OBSESSED. all of cartman's thick, muss-able hair, his deceptively cute and innocent-looking face and huge brown puppy-dog eyes, every curve and swell of soft flesh on cartman's body... kyle goes FUCKING INSANE whenever they get intimate because he's subconsciously making up for all the time he missed being in denial lol. also he's more similar to his dad than he likes to admit: he likes his lovers strong-willed and chubby... lmaooooo

I may have implied this before but cartman is actually a HUUUUGE masochist. he's shown to have some sadistic tendencies in the show (see all of ginger cow) but the underlying vibe I get is that his performative sadism is a huge cope for what he ACTUALLY wants, because we've been shown that he gets off of being taken advantage of (i'm SO SORRY for that link) which.... is kind of fucked up but hey kinks are like that sometimes. and god knows this kid has an insanely fucked-up relationship to sex in general (which I also wrote a fic about lol. also kyle is a sadist in denial too LOOOOOL)

they end up doing A LOT of shit together throughout the course of their relationship. they travel the world. they stop the world from exploding a few times. they nearly kill each other on several occasions. they save each other's lives on even more occasions. they go to other planets because eventually the tom-fuckery of their hometown becomes too much to be self-contained. they somehow destroy reality but end up stitching it whole again at the same time. and through it all.... they stay together. because they both know deep down that they simply cannot live in a world without the other. they are irrevocably intertwined. think that quote of stephen colbert talking about his wife but like slightly more fucked up and with a few poop jokes thrown in

#ask #anon #tysm for the ask!!! kyman will be the death of me istg #my post

[dreamwritesimagines]

It’s CMA-

I’m not feeling 100% so plz bear with me if this is shorter than usual. I’ll probably add on later

Also hope ur doing better from last time we talked❤️❤️❤️❤️

So I’ve read a few books on developmental trauma and we talk about it in class sometimes and we talk about the hyper-/hypo-arousal that they go through and the issues with emotional regulation and how easy it is to throw them off their axis, and I feel like you’ve portrayed that very well in this story.

Like the way that she’s either at stress level 10000% or completely shut down and there’s very little in between. Or how the it’s very unstable- every little thing throws her off her axis.

And of course the anxiety and paranoia of everything going wrong at any given moment. It’s this thing with people who’ve faced child abuse that they learn to always be on guard because they never knew what was going to set off their parents, so they’ve learned to overanalyze every little thing and we see that a lot with clover.

We also see some negative distortions, or “bad thinking habits”, such as spiraling/catastrophizing, black and white thinking, etc. which I think that you’ve written very well.

Idk I think I’m just really in love with the way that you’ve portrayed the trauma and its long term effects on her, how difficult it is to get over that, how it permeates every part of her life, the coping mechanisms that were really necessary for her survival, etc.

There’s actually a lot of brain studies on what’s called toxic stress- I’ve probably brought this up before- and how it completely rewires your brain, but I don’t think the data can properly convey the emotion of it like you have with this story.

I actually wouldn’t be surprised if the feeling that clover was describing about shutting down her emotions and everything was actually related to not only hypoarousal and repression but also some dissociation. The brain has trouble dealing with chronic stress like that, and dissociation (which includes depersonalization and derealization) is actually a response to prolonged high amounts of stress.

The hypoarousal is actually more common in situations in which the situation feels inescapable, which is common in children. Many people overlook it because they assume that all anxiety manifests itself as panic attacks, but when it comes to kids hypoarousal is very common.

It’s the whole ‘fight or flight’ idea, which pretty much all researchers agree should be ‘flight, fight, and freeze’ in terms of survival mechanisms (including against trauma). If you’re confronted with something like a bear, your first option/thought is almost always to flee the situation (same for pretty much all living creatures with “basic instincts”), then if you cannot flee then fight, and if you cannot do that, then to freeze. Freezing is a last resort because you cannot do the other two options. It’s a last resort, sort of helplessness like playing dead.

(humans are unique in that we can overcome our fight/flight/freeze response thanks to executive functioning, but that is impaired in children with trauma. This isn’t really relevant, but I always thought it was interesting. It does however take a lot of work to do so; it’s difficult to rewire your brain, esp as an adult, so how your brain gets wired as a child does have a huge impact on you, which is what we see with clover)

Okay sorry as you know when I get started talking about developmental trauma I can’t shut up. Onto other stuff:

Josie putting Anthony in his place: fuck yeah you go girl

Clover calling out Anthony about Charlie: fuck yeah you go girl

(aka fuck Anthony he’s been an oblivious ass so far and he needs to redeem himself)

Teddy is going to have three homes with three times the toys in the span of like a month lmao good for him

Clover’s aunt and uncle looking out for her 😭😭😭 also ben and Charlie and Josie and Bess and Andrew and teddy and everyone else doing the same🥺 she is so loved and she doesn’t even realize it💔💔

Man clover keeps passing out. First in her garden and now this lololololol

I’m so worried that when her parents show up, they’re going to reveal her trauma to everyone in the ton, or at least the bridgertons. That’s so horrible and retraumatizing to clover and I’m worried that even if she starts accepting her feelings and healing that she’ll be too fragile…………………

Okay going back and speaking of clover not eating and passing out, I haven’t eaten today and it’s 3 pm so I should go do that Lmfao. I just love talking to you so much that I always forget/put it off on saturdays (it’s not ur fault btw I woke up at like 2 LMFAO fuck spring forward)

Okay love u lots. hope ur well❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

OMG CMA DARLING! 🥰

I hope everything is alright! Are you okay??❤️

Aw I'm so happy to hear that I could portray it well❤️ I think especially when it comes to spiraling and anxiety, we will see just how it can affect Clover in the following chapters❤️ She never acknowledged her trauma or even talked about it with Benedict or anyone really, so she thinks repressing it will make it easier for her to handle it but it won't at all❤️

There’s actually a lot of brain studies on what’s called toxic stress- I’ve probably brought this up before- and how it completely rewires your brain, but I don’t think the data can properly convey the emotion of it like you have with this story. Excuse me while I cry, this is such a wonderful compliment darling! 😱🥰❤️ Aaaaaaa I'm so glad to hear this! ❤️

I agree with you on the dissociation thing and we will see an example of it very soon! Clover is very used to adapting like...zero emotions expression when she's scared and Benedict will witness it soon❤️

Wait I didn't know that, I thought everyone had like...either fight or flight or freeze response depending on person not that it was like a gradual reaction of the sort! 😱 That's very interesting!❤️

I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT THIS SO MUCH! ❤️❤️

Loll Anthony made a huge mistake, talking down on Clover in front of her feral overprotective big sister ❤️

Teddy will have such a happy childhood! ❤️

Oh when her parents shows up... That will cause so much angst, I already have some scenes in mind for it and you will absolutely love it 😏

OMG GO EAT SOMETHING RIGHT NOW 😱❤️

Honeeeey thank you so much for this! ❤️❤️ ILYSM, I hope you feel better soon! ❤️❤️❤️