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mind-empty-just-fictional-people · 3 months

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Too Many Beds

main masterlist | supernatural masterlist

summary: you want nothing more than an excuse to sleep next to dean again

pairing: (pre-s1/s1) dean winchester x female reader

rating: R for language

word count: 2.1k

warnings: none really, language, bed sharing, kissing, mutual pining, idiots in love, brief mention of the death of reader’s dad

timeline: starts slightly before season one, ends near the beginning of season one

author’s note: a spin on the classic 'just one bed, what ever shall we do?' trope lol

You’d known Dean all your life, practically. You met him when you were six and he was eight; two lonely little kids stuck with absent (job-driven) fathers and baby brothers you felt responsible for. Over the course of the last eighteen-or-so years you ran into the Winchesters during hunts enough that you considered them family.

When Sam left for college you were there for Dean and when you lost your dad in a hunting accident Dean was there for you. He actually stayed with you, not wanting you to hunt alone since your brother was off at college too.

So, for the last six months you’d been hunting with Dean (who hadn’t spoken to Sam for over a year).

“One room, two queens,” Dean said to the woman behind the counter, placing “his” credit card on the space between them before sliding it toward her.

“We’re all booked up I’m afraid,” she said.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I was actually about to turn on the no vacancy sign.”

“This is the third motel we’ve been to,” you said, “every one of them has been full—you’ve gotta have something!”

“I mean, there’s technically one room left but the heater’s out and my boss said not to let anyone sleep there because of that.”

There was a silent pause; you and Dean shared a knowing look.

“We’ll pay in cash, your boss ‘ll never know,” you told the woman. She smiled and nodded as you paid her with cash.

“Room 209, my boss gets here at ten tomorrow morning so please leave before then.” She handed you the key and you nodded in thanks.

You had underestimated just how cold the room could be, but when you unlocked and opened the door you understood why the owner didn’t want anyone staying here.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean mumbled, following you into the room and feeling the cold air. “We’re gonna freeze our asses off in here!” he quickly closed the door behind him, hoping the icy air hadn’t swept any snow into the room.

“It’s either this or we sleep in the Impala,” you shrugged, “and, no offense to your car, but it’s fuckin’ uncomfortable to sleep in.”

“And there’s only one bed,” Dean sighed.

“I’m gonna take a quick shower,” you told him, ignoring his complaints.

“Are you shivering or crying?” Dean asked.

You rolled over so you could meet his stare; “Shivering! It’s fuckin’ cold in here!”

“You wanna…cuddle up, maybe?” he asked hesitantly.

“Excuse me?” you laughed a little.

“Look, I’m not thrilled about it either, but it’s cold in here and unless we both wanna catch fucking pneumonia we better be smart and share body heat.”

You sighed, weighing your options; “Fine. But we never, and I mean never speak of this again, you hear me?”

“Understood.” He nodded.

You rolled back over as he scooted closer to you. He wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, pulling you into his chest.

“This okay?” he asked quietly, his lips ghosting the back of your head.

“Yeah,” you mumbled back. “Thank you, Dean.”

You woke up to the sound of Dean snoring loudly. You were used to his snores, sure, but he’d never been this close. He was laying on his stomach and resting on your chest; his mouth open and his hair tickling your neck. Your first reaction was annoyance but then it quickly washed away as you realized you didn’t want to move a muscle, so Dean could continue sleeping.

And the more you laid there, listening to his snores, the more you realized how comfortable you were…even in such a physically uncomfortable situation.

As the time passed and the sun began to rise, you cursed the light that was slowly but surely peeking through the curtain and onto Dean’s face.

“Morning,” he mumbled to you as he lifted his head up. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his right hand before wiping his mouth. “Sorry,” he chuckled, noticing the small spot on your gray sweater dampened with his drool.

“It’s okay,” you mumbled back. “I think it’s your sweater anyway.”

“I thought it looked familiar.”

He rolled off of you and out of bed.

You watched as he padded across the dirty carpet and over to the small kitchen. He turned on the coffee maker and the loud, off putting grinding noise made his face scrunch before he quickly shut off the (definitely broken) machine.

“So much for coffee,” he grumbled. “You gonna sit there all morning or you wanna get outta here? We’ve got a long drive ahead of us.”

“I’m getting up,” you replied. You would usually be annoyed at him for rushing you to wake up, but this time the annoyance was…different. Something about his bedhead, the way his lips were pouting over the lack of caffeine, and how he looked in his brown Henley and baggy sweats just made you wanna hold him again. All you wanted was to pull him back into bed with you and hold him in your arms forever.

You were beyond frustrated at this point. How many stupid fucking hotels had to have vacant rooms with two beds and a functional heating system!?

It had been nearly six months since you and Dean shared a bed and you had been looking for an excuse to sleep next to him ever since.

But the last couple weeks had been different—Sammy was back. Yes, you loved Sam like a brother, but you missed getting to be alone with Dean. You missed sitting shotgun in the Impala and watching him drive.

Sam definitely noticed the way you looked at Dean, but the younger Winchester didn’t say a word. Without being too obvious about it, he tried to do little things that would let you be close to his brother. He’d sit in a certain chair or part of the couch so that you and Dean had no choice but to sit together. Or he’d make some lame excuse so that he got his own room while you and Dean had to share. “I need to do some more research and I need the light, why don’t you two just sleep in the other room?” for example.

“Two rooms, please,” Dean said, reaching into his coat pocket for his wallet.

“Unfortunately we’ve only got one room left,” the cashier replied.

You almost couldn’t believe your ears, fucking finally!

“Oh, that’s too bad,” you faked your best frustrated look, of course Sam saw right through that.

“Well, I am not sharing with either or you,” he said with a teasing smile.

“There’s actually a pullout couch in that room, as luck would have it,” the cashier informed the three of you.

God fucking damn it, you thought to yourself.

It was barely after two when you felt the bed behind you dip, and you shook yourself awake.

“The hell?” you asked, still half asleep.

“The pullout couch isn’t working,” Dean mumbled quietly. “You mind sharing with me?”

You smiled a little and scooted closer into his arms, indicating you were okay with him sleeping next to you.

“Of course I don’t mind sharing with you,” you whispered and his grip tightened.

“I’m gonna go get breakfast,” Sam announced. “I’m assuming you want your usual?”

Dean put his right pointer finger to his lips and furrowed his brows angrily. He gestured to you as you slept and Sam got the message.

“Usual is good,” Dean whispered before Sam left.

Dean stayed laying perfectly still as you slept on his chest, soft snores escaping your lips and to Dean they were the sweetest sound.

As you stirred awake slowly, he rubbed your back a little.

“Morning,” you mumbled, a small smile on your lips. “Where’s Sam?”

“He went to grab breakfast,” Dean told you.

You furrowed your brows as you sat up, looked across the room, and realized something; “The pullout bed looks fine? I thought you said it wasn’t working?” You turned back to Dean, who had a sheepish grin growing on his lips.

“So…maybe I’ve just been looking for an excuse to sleep next to you again. Like we did back in that motel when the heat was out.”

“Really?” You attempted to hide the smile trying to find its way onto your face.

“When we were checking in last night I noticed how your face lit up when they said there was only one room left,” Dean admitted. “And I saw that disappointed look you made when they said there was a pullout couch. So, am I wrong, or have you been wanting an excuse too?”

“I really liked sleeping next to you that night,” you said, avoiding eye contact. “And you’re right, I have been hoping for another ‘oh no just one bed, guess we’ll have to share’ situation but…”

“But what?” Dean asked when you trailed off. You looked down at him.

“Dean, you and Sam have been like my brothers for as long as I can remember. I mean, Bobby practically raised all three of us and my actual brother as siblings! Your dad and my dad knew each other basically forever and I guess…I guess I figured our lives are too entangled for anything to ever actually happen between us. We’re family.”

“Chosen family, Y/n.” Dean smiled softly. “Doesn’t mean you have to be my chosen sister, you could be my chosen…you know…”

You leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his full lips.

“That,” Dean finished his previous statement.

“Let’s just keep this between us for now, okay?” you suggested. “If Sam finds out, then your dad will find out, and he’ll immediately tell my brother, then before we know it Bobby—”

“I get the picture, sweetheart,” Dean chuckled before kissing you again. He put his hands on your cheeks as he sat up. He pulled you onto his lap, your legs now straddling his hips. His hands moved to your shoulders then trailed down to your lower back as yours went into his hair. You pulled away from him after a moment, huge smiles on both your faces.

You looked into his eyes, his truly beautiful eyes, and you bit your bottom lip ever so slightly. Your right hand rested on his left cheek, your thumb stroking his skin lovingly.

“You’re awesome, Dean Winchester,” you whispered.

“You’re fuckin’ incredible,” he replied before he kissed you again. “And gorgeous, too,” he added. “You know how fuckin’ annoying it’s been, sleeping without you every night since that one time?”

“I do know, Dean, I’ve been just as annoyed about it.”

Dean kissed you one more time before he wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace, tucking his head into your neck. You wrapped your arms around him too, pressing your lips to his temple.

You pulled out of the hug so you could once again look at his face. Resting your forehead on his, you smiled before you kissed him again.

“Breakfast,” Sam called out as he opened the door, “is served!”

You and Dean froze for a split second before you hurried off of him.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Sam said, “did I interrupt you two?”

“What?” you scoffed. “Of course not!”

“Interrupt? There’s nothing to interrupt?” Dean added.

“Oh…wow you two are fast,” Sam mumbled, shaking his head as he made his way to the kitchen before putting the food down. “Well, pancakes, eggs, and bacon from the continental breakfast.” He gestured to the food now on the table. “Hope you’re hungry.”

As Sam sat down to eat, you looked at Dean anxiously. Say something you begged him with your eyes.

“Sammy,” Dean started as he got out of bed, “would you mind uh…not telling dad? About me and Y/n…kissing just now? When we find him, I mean.”

“Dad’s never really been invested in your love life, but he’s not an idiot,” Sam laughed.

“So…you are gonna tell him?” Dean furrowed his brows in frustration.

“Dean, he knows you two are together, it’s not some big secret?” Sam replied, shoveling more food into his mouth. “Damn that’s good.”

“Okay, just hold on—what?” Dean asked. “What do you mean dad knows? There’s been nothing to know since like four minutes ago?”

“Wait,” Sam stopped eating and fully turned to face you and his brother, “are you trying to tell me this is the first time you two have kissed?” Sam furrowed his brows deeply as you and Dean both nodded. “So…never in high school?” You shook your heads again. “That prom we crashed?”

“Sam you were there the whole time? When would we have kissed?” you asked.

“Huh,” Sam let out a laugh. “I genuinely thought you two had been a thing since like… ‘98.”

“What!?” you and Dean exclaimed in unison.

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester comfort #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural #spn #supernatural fic #supernatural fluff #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #dean x reader #by mind empty just fictional people #by jean

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confused-pyramid · 4 months

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Coming Up For Air | s1

pairing: aaron hotchner x childhood bsf!reader

summary: Hotch and his childhood best friend working together at the BAU: a slow burn across the seasons.

word count: 10.4k

warnings: canon!typical violence, mentions of abuse, death of a spouse, slow slow slow burn, specific episodes mentioned in this part are 1x01, 1x06, 1x07, 1x08, 1x15, 1x16, and 1x22

a/n: I started rewatching Criminal Minds from the beginning, and this is what came out of it heh. This is the first part in a little series I'm starting that follows Hotch and his childhood best friend in the BAU, beginning with the pilot. If all goes well, this will continue through the rest of the show, with ~1 part per season :) Title is from Coming up for air by Signals in Smoke

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You haven't used your oven in over a year. It's not that you don't like cooking - because you do - you just haven't had the time. If you could, you would blame it on the extra hours you have had to put in after starting at the BAU, but that wouldn't be fair. Your transfer to the unit was the only thing that got you through his death at all.

After your husband was shot and killed in action while tailing a kingpin of one of the New York mobs, you couldn't bear to be in this house at all. You had gone back home to stay with your father for a couple of months, but eventually you had to get back to your real life. With a month remaining on your bureau-mandated leave, you returned to the home you had shared, before one of the lower-level mob soldiers misfired -

You didn't let yourself think about it for almost a year, but time heals all wounds. The poets were right. At least you hope they are.

Even back at home, you still couldn't bear to be there alone, other than when you were sleeping. That's why your peloton was gathering dust and your kitchen went untouched, until just now.

So, of course, the call from the office comes when you're making dinner. It takes five minutes to change into slacks and a button-up, and two more to toss your half-cooked vegetables in the trash, before driving down to headquarters.

A fourth girl has been taken in Seattle, and the local PD only now decided to invite your team. You know the BAU isn't well-liked by the other departments, but that doesn't mean you aren't effective.

When you enter the building, you rush through the I.D. check and jog over to the lecture hall, where Morgan and Reid are standing outside of a neighboring office like children waiting for their father to come and get them.

Shooting them both a thin-lipped smile, you step inside just as they finish discussing the unsub's pattern.

"They want you back in the saddle," Hotch says to the man beside him after greeting you with a nod.

Your eyes are so immediately drawn to Hotch that it takes you a moment to realize that you recognize the man standing next to him. You haven't seen him since the day you were assigned to the BAU, mostly because you were technically transferred to this unit because of his extended leave.

What was supposed to be one month became six, before Hotch informed you that your temporary placement would be permanent, if you were willing to stay in Virginia.

It was a no-brainer.

You turn your gaze to Jason Gideon as everyone in the room stares at him expectantly. He looks self-assured, but you're sure the confidence is a front. "They sure they want me?"

"The order came from the director," Hotch says simply.

"Well," Gideon states, "we'd better get started, then."

Hotch glances over at you as everyone files out of the room and you raise your eyebrows momentarily, a quick check-in between the two of you. He nods imperceptibly and it's enough for now. He didn't tell you Gideon was coming back today, but now isn't the time to give him hell for that.

***

Hotch is the last to board the plane, and he takes his usual seat beside you, this time in the aisle, a few rows away from the rest of the team.

"I was going to tell you," he says as soon as you close the case file in your hands. "The section chief wants me to evaluate him to see if he's ready to return to the team."

"That's a lot of pressure." They have to know that Gideon will be able to smell him out within the day. "You sure it won't get in the way?"

Hotch makes that face you hate, the one that says he knows you're deflecting. "I was going to tell you."

It doesn't take much for you to forgive him. It helps that you trust him completely, especially after everything he has done for you.

"Still," you smile, bumping his shoulder with yours, "it would have been nice to know about the sudden change to my job security."

You're mostly joking, but his frown is genuine. "Don't be silly. You'll always have a place on this team."

He takes everything so seriously these days. You suppose it's only fair, given the files he has to sort through on a daily basis. Picking which case deserves the team's attention the most.

But he wasn't always like this. You're the newest member of the team, but you've known Hotch longer than any of them.

You still remember the first time you met him, at eight years old. He was your first real friend at school, and you became inseparable easily. Your shared love for The Beatles and Law and Order made you fast friends, and as you grew older, your interests shifted in tandem.

Sometimes when you look at him, you still see that little boy who knew too much, but still managed to always make you laugh.

***

The team disperses soon after you land in Seattle. You've never had to come up with a profile in one afternoon, but it's also been a long time since your ticking clock to find the victim was just over a day.

When Gideon and Morgan head to the latest crime scene, you join Hotch and Reid to interview the victim's brother. The moment the three of you step into his house, his dog, Sandy, starts barking up a storm.

"It's what we call the Reid effect," Hotch smiles, walking over to pet her. "Happens with children, too."

You can't help but smile as well, peering over at Spencer, who looks about as uncomfortable as he usually does.

It doesn't escape your notice that the brother looks looser now. Hotch has a way with people that traces back to his childhood self. He was always wiser than his years, something you chalk up to his need to grow up faster than he should have, but his paternal instinct comes from practically raising his brother, Sean, after his dad's untimely death.

The casual interview reveals enough about the victimology that when you head back to the station, Gideon calls the officers in to explain the profile.

You can feel Morgan's agitation wafting off of him as he watches Gideon state his assumptions with startling clarity and confidence. Hotch, on the other hand, looks contemplative, which reminds you that he's been tasked with the returning agent's evaluation.

He can see your furtive glances in his direction, even as you try to remain secretive about your interest in his demeanor. He presses his lips together to keep from smiling as he thinks about how lucky you are that you went into profiling and not covert operations.

You have never been especially good at keeping your own thoughts or intentions to yourself around him. While some would call that a weakness in this field, he sees it as your greatest strength, because it clearly shows how much he can trust you.

As a kid, you were outspoken about every idea you had, and you used your strength and willpower to look out for him when he needed it. It took him a long time to admit how much he used to need you (maybe too long), but you always knew.

***

Gideon's profile leads to the arrest of Richard Slessman and Tim Vogel, and Elle manages to save the last girl while she's still alive. You catch your breath for the first time in 36 hours as you stand with Hotch in the shipyard, watching the paramedics and local police clear the scene.

"What are you going to tell them?" you ask under your breath as his gaze turns to Gideon, who is getting patched up in the back of an ambulance.

He had goaded the unsub into shooting him instead of the girl, but your mind can't seem to focus on the silver lining.

Hotch sighs, crossing his arms over his chest, as though to hold his coat closed against the breeze. "They want to know if he's fit to be a field agent again."

Normally, you would give him shit for using that tactic. Avoiding a question by providing more information. This time, you know he's just thinking out loud.

"What would you say?" Hotch asks as Morgan walks over and sits on a barrel next to you.

"Gideon saved her life," Derek shrugs, his eyes flashing to you for a moment. "That's good enough for me."

Hotch seems to ponder this for a second. "Do you know what Gideon means in Hebrew?"

"Mighty warrior," Reid interjects, popping in to the conversation with the subtlety of a tiger.

You're confused at first, but then you remember the baby names book that was sitting in Hotch's living room the last time you visited him. "You cannot let Haley name your child Gideon."

Hotch laughs suddenly, and you can tell you surprised it out of him. Your chest warms comfortably as he smiles, his cheeks flushing softly in the chill air.

He looks over at Gideon again, deciding in real time that he's going to recommend him to come back to the team. He would never admit it to you or anyone, but he knows that if your position on the team was in jeopardy from Gideon's return, he wouldn't have been able to complete his evaluation fairly.

It was Hotch who recommended you for the open position after he was promoted into Gideon's role as unit chief. You deserved the spot, of course, but Jeff's death had still been fresh and he knew better than most how much the job can take one's mind off of the other aspects of their life.

While Hotch watches Gideon, you watch him. You can tell from the look on his face that it's a done deal. Jason's coming back to the team. It will be a change of pace for everyone, but that doesn't mean it won't be good.

Having joined the team right after the bombing, you saw exactly how Gideon changed after getting the profile wrong, but so did everyone else. What people didn't talk about was how Aaron changed too. Rising into the rank. Growing to fill the hole that Gideon left in the unit, but somehow also shrinking into himself at the same time, because that's what this job does to you...it takes and it takes and it takes until you have nothing left to give.

But sometimes that's what you need: to give something up so you know you aren't losing everything.

***

Gideon settles into the team faster than you anticipated, and soon it's almost like he never left. Even though you can see the vein on Morgan's neck pulsate every time he hijacks a profile, you can't help but appreciate the support he gives to Spencer and Elle, both of whom are becoming incredible profilers before your very eyes.

That's also why you find yourself a little worried when Hotch tells you that Reid failed his weapons recertification.

"I thought you said you were helping him practice," you say as the two of you walk past security and toward the bullpen.

"I was," he emphasizes, before correcting himself, "I did. I'm sure he was just nervous."

You nod, pushing open the doors and spotting Reid sitting quietly at his desk. "He can test again in two weeks. He'll be fine."

When Morgan hands him a whistle with a quippy joke, you sigh into your coffee tumbler, but don't bother stepping in. He's being childish, but if you try to intervene, it'll just embarrass Spencer more.

"Okay," JJ starts, "Franklin Park, Des Plaines. Yesterday afternoon."

She dives into the case, but you have already read the file (and you know Reid has too) so you scoot your chair over to his desk and lean forward so only he can hear you. "I failed my first weapons certification at the bureau too."

Spencer looks up immediately, his face colored with surprise. "Really? You're one of the best shots I know."

You smile with a shrug. "The tests aren't real life. When it comes down to it, I get the job done. Just like you will."

He doesn't say anything for a moment, but then his lips curve up into a small smile. You both turn your attention back to the front just as JJ finishes explaining the case details.

"Wheels up in 30."

The flight to Illinois is filled with heated discussions about the bureau's fruitless history of trying to profile long distance serial killers.

"L. D. S. K.s are so rare, we haven't been able to build a standard profile," Hotch explains as the jet reaches cruising altitude.

Gideon chimes in immediately. "Here's what we do know: they're always male, and they frequently have law enforcement or military experience, and they always contact the police or the media."

Elle looks confused and you echo her sentiment as you lean your hip against her armrest. "To take credit or relive the experience?"

"Both," he says simply. "All serial killers attempt to relive the ecstasy they get from their killings. Some use souvenirs taken from the victims, and others return to the dump site to interact with the body. Both modes require contact with the victim, contact which, by definition, long distance serial killers don't have."

"Our unsub hasn't contacted anybody," you point out. "What do we do until then?"

"Sometimes it's not what the unsub does that reveals the profile. Sometimes it is what they do not do."

Reid glances up from the file in his lap, and you notice that he looks at Gideon first. "He doesn't kill his victims."

"Underkill's a unique signature," Hotch ponders, standing up and walking along the cabin. He only paces when he's deep in thought. "The question is, does he shoot them in the stomach intentionally just to wound them, or is he just aiming at the biggest part of the target?"

The team is silent as you take in this new analysis. You're not surprised when Gideon is the first to speak up. "Specifically, does the unsub lack the skill to make the head shot, or simply the will to take it?"

When the plane lands, you check out the last crime scene before spending the day talking to the local police and the victims' surgeons at the nearby hospital.

That night, when you check into your hotel room, the click of the door lock closing behind you is a welcome relief from the tension of the day. Many of the Des Plaines police officers were unhappy with the team's initial assessment, because it heavily implied that the unsub may have been a law enforcement official himself.

You wash your face and change into a tee shirt and a comfortable pair of sweatpants, before climbing into bed and opening the case file back up again. The rest of the team has also gone to their own rooms, but you can't help but wish you had another set of eyes looking at this with you.

As though reading your mind, a knock thuds on your door and you stand up quickly, in case it's an emergency. When you check the peephole, you see Hotch standing way too close to the door.

Unlocking it slowly so you don't startle him, you open the door to find him in still in a full suit.

"Is there a problem?" you ask immediately. "Do I need to get dressed?"

He shakes his head, glancing around the hallway so quickly that you almost miss it. "I was just looking over the profile and I wanted your opinion on some thoughts I had."

The corner of your mouth twitches and you open the door further to let him in. He doesn't miss a beat as he takes a seat on the armchair in front of your bed and flips open his notepad.

"I was thinking about the bullet we recovered on the scene," he says slowly, like he's thinking through every word he's saying.

You nod, sitting on top of the bed covers and crossing your legs under you. "Garcia called after you left the station. The bullet was a .223 fired from the M-4 variant of the M-16."

"That means he's military," Hotch says, reaching his hand out without taking his eyes off his notepad. You close the case file you had laid out and hand it to him. "M-4 is a shorter barrel than the M-16, so it's less accurate and a lot harder to fire, especially at these distances."

"This level of skill indicates specialized training. That means..."

"It means the underkill was on purpose," Hotch says, finishing your thought. "What is he trying to prove?"

You purse your lips as he sits up in the chair to give himself room to remove his jacket. His pinstriped button-down is slightly crinkled under his arms, but you can tell it was freshly ironed this morning.

"Maybe he's in a fast-paced occupation," you suggest, "which would fit with the profile that he has a big ego."

"Then we're back to law enforcement."

You lean forward, your eyes following his hands as they fidget with his cuffs and undo the buttons, one at a time. You've always been attune to every one of his movements, but maybe it's just because you've spent so much time around him.

"Hotch," you whisper-yell, snagging his attention from your case file, which he tosses back to you.

He hums and you take that as an invitation to continue speaking. "Be careful tomorrow, when you're giving the profile."

One of his eyebrows lifts and you can tell he's holding back a smile. "It's just in front of the Des Planes PD. You'll be there too."

"It's not that," you sigh, shaking your head. "Everything about this profile points to the shooter being either current or former law enforcement. I'd be surprised if they didn't take it personally."

His eyes flit up to yours, his brow furrowing. "I can handle myself."

"I'm sure you can, Hotch," you say with a breathy laugh. "Doesn't mean I don't still look out for you."

He pauses and it's like his whole body takes a beat. "I know."

***

You're talking to Dr. Landman with Derek, Elle, and Jason the next day when a gunshot rings out through the hospital. Last you checked, Hotch and Reid were in the E.R., but you haven't heard from them since you arrived.

"It's Phillip Dowd," a nurse informs you when you meet with local police outside the closed E.R. door.

After a quick call to Penelope, the profile becomes clear.

"He joined the army at 18," Gideon recites, pacing around the room in a vaguely reminiscent manner, "went to ranger school, did 6 years before being dishonorably discharged in '95 for conduct unbecoming. Obviously lied about it, joined the Arlington P. D."

"You were right," the police captain sighs. "He was a cop."

His hopeless tone is disheartening, and you find yourself upset for not the first time that your team was correct in their assessment.

After the initial commotion, the E.R. is silent except for a few muffled voices. You can't hear what's being said, but the lack of gunshots or loud noises is all that's keeping you from falling apart.

"It'll be okay," you hear whispered from next to you. You turn to see Derek, who presses his shoulder to yours briefly. "Hotch will know what to do."

You know there's nothing you can do from out here, especially with how precarious the situation inside is, but doing nothing has never been your strong suit.

"I know," you tell him, echoing your thoughts. "I just wish we could help."

Derek cocks his head at the S.W.A.T. team readying themselves to break the door down. "We can help. We need to give Hotch and the kid time to wear Dowd down."

His tone is light and you feel yourself laugh, ignoring the thickness that swells in your throat. "That shouldn't take long."

Derek bumps your arm again in a silent extension of comfort, and you mouth a silent thank you.

You can feel Gideon losing patience as he reasons with the captain, but he eventually buys them three minutes to do what they can. When the final five second countdown starts, you unconsciously hold your breath, only to be released when Hotch's voice calls through the door.

"Hold your fire!"

Your breath comes out like a gasp and you squeeze Derek's arm before rushing forward. Hotch stumbles past you with a murmur that sounds obscurely like "help Reid", so you push your way through the throng of civilians moving to escape until you see him.

"Spencer," you gasp, crouching down to help him into a standing position. You would never admit it to him, but ever since he joined the team, he's been something of a little brother to you. "What happened in here? Are you okay?"

"You were right," he says with a surprising steadiness to his voice. "I got the job done."

You don't ask what he means, knowing that Hotch will fill you in when the time is right. Instead, you decide not to fight the vaguely maternal urge rising within you and you pull him into a tight hug. It's more of a quick squeeze, because you don't want to push past his physical boundaries, but he doesn't complain, instead looking over at you with a small smile that's more than enough for now.

***

You find Hotch where the departed ambulance that patched Reid up was parked. All of the hustle and bustle of the paramedics and local police officers and bureau agents comes to a standstill as you walk over to where he's sitting on the edge of the curb.

"I heard what happened," you say as a way to announce your presence. "Can I sit?"

He nods without looking up, and you crouch down next to him, settling on the curb with your shoulder pressed to his. You can feel the tension in his muscles as he grips the sidewalk, his palms digging into the concrete like he could break through if he pressed hard enough. "Reid.."

"..is fine," you whisper, nudging him so he looks up to where Spencer and Jason are chattering excitedly. "He's more proud than anything."

He doesn't say anything, so you bump your knee against his. "I guess all of the physical training classes you made him take at the academy paid off."

He knows you know exactly what is running through his mind, so he doesn't bother trying to articulate it. Instead, he lets out the breath he didn't realize he was holding, and looks over at you. "Do you remember that self-defense class we took before law school?"

You're not expecting this question, and you almost laugh. "You mean the singular self-defense class you dragged me to before dawn in the summer before we started at Georgetown?"

He levels you with a look that you would think is serious if you didn't know him so well. "You don't regret it, though."

"No," you smile, your eyes blurring with emotion. That's where you met Jeff. "I don't."

He was your instructor that day. He only taught that class twice a week, between lectures at Georgetown Law, and it doesn't escape your mind that you so easily could've missed him. One day earlier or later and you never would've met him, never would've been his girlfriend, or his wife, or his widow.

Hotch remembers meeting him that day too. He had to literally come to your apartment and drag you out of bed to make the seven AM class that he had signed you both up for, and you had been grumpy the whole drive over.

There wasn't much, other than coffee, that could get you alert before eight in the morning, but the moment you walked into that gym, it was like you were wide awake. He spent the rest of the class trying not to look as the man he would later come to know as Agent Adler kept coming over to give you extra pointers, and he pretended that the coil of ice slithering up his spine was there just because he was watching out for you.

When he found out the two of you had started dating, he continued to pretend the nausea rising in his stomach was from the day-old sandwich he had had for lunch, because it wasn't fair. Especially since he was with Haley, and he was happier than he had ever been, even if the new law school course load was making it harder to see her as often as he wanted to.

But eventually, your happiness with him overpowered every protective urge he felt, and he realized that even if there was a feeling in his gut that he didn't recognize when he saw you two together, Jeff was perfectly suited for you.

***

"He's so gorgeous!" JJ coos, her hands twitching at her sides like she's trying not to reach forward and take the baby out of Haley's hands.

She brought Jack, their newborn son, in to work today to show the team, and Hotch looks prouder than you've ever seen him. "Thank you."

"If you find baldness and wrinkles attractive."

"Reid!" you chastise, swatting at him. He dodges your hands without even looking.

"Look at his widdy biddy nose," Garcia squeals, before turning to Morgan with an inquisitive look. "Don't you want one of these?"

He just laughs as he rests his chin on her shoulder. "Mm, I'll stick to practicing."

"Congratulations," Elle chimes in before returning to Gideon's side to continue discussing the new case that came in. She's always on top of things, and it's something you respect greatly about her.

"Thanks," Hotch smiles, his gaze returning to Jack after looking away for only a moment. Jack is like a siren, the way each of his little sounds or movements holds Hotch's attention so steadily. He's the most focused of all of you, but you've still never seen him this enamored. "She's amazing. I'm a little terrified."

"You're glowing," you tell Haley as the rest of the team heads to the briefing room. "How is it that you had a baby just a few weeks ago?"

"You're sweet," she smiles, before tilting her head forward. "Do you want to hold him? You're practically his aunt."

You gasp quietly, so as not to wake little Jack. "That is a title I will carry proudly. And yes, I would love to hold him."

Haley hands him to you slowly, and you make sure to support his head carefully as you cup your arms around him. He looks so much like Haley that you almost make a joke about Hotch's genes not even putting up a fight, but that nose...that nose has Hotch written all over it.

When you glance back to where the team left from, you see him turn back at the same moment and offer you an encouraging smile.

"How are you holding up?" you ask Haley, barely able to focus on your surroundings with a newborn in your arms. Maybe there is something to the siren thing.

"Jack's been incredible. He barely cries, it's kind of a godsend...but I do wish Aaron could take time off with me."

You give her what you hope is your most comforting smile. "We've been super swamped with cases here, but in all my years working with him, I have never seen him so eager to leave every night."

She laughs, a pretty sound you remember from your youth. "I know. I feel so unfair when I complain about these things, but I appreciate you humoring me."

"Not at all," you assure her, glancing back down at Jack, who is mid-yawn. "I understand completely. If I had one of these little guys, I wouldn't be able to think about anything else."

You hear her breath catch and you open your mouth to reassure her that it's fine, but she is already reaching forward to squeeze your arm. "You and Jeff would have made amazing parents."

When you both joined the bureau, you were so busy with work that kids weren't on your mind at all. It wasn't until you got settled at the BAU, and Jeff found his place with organized crime, that you even started talking about it.

You want kids, don't you?

Only a few. Maybe four or five. Yeah, five's a good number.

"I should get back to the team," you say softly, blinking away the memories.

Haley sees your face and she smiles sadly as she takes Jack back from your arms. "I'll see you soon. Tell him I'm heading home, will you?"

You nod and watch the elevator doors close in front of her, before joining the team.

***

"I can't believe you went bar hopping without me," Derek shakes his head, feigning offense as he leans so far back in his chair you're afraid it may tip over.

"I think hopping is kind of a strong word," you say, glancing over at Elle, who is perched on the edge of your desk. "We only had one bar in mind, but it closed earlier than we thought, so we went somewhere else after."

"This was a much needed girl's night," Elle grins, patting Morgan on the shoulder as he continues to pout. "We'll invite you next time."

"How was your weekend, Dr. Reid?" you ask, turning around to face him.

Spencer doesn't look up from his crossword.

You say his name again, recalling the attention of Derek and Elle, who had started talking about some trip they've been planning for what feels like months.

When he still doesn't look up, you pick up one of the BAU-provided pens on your desk and chuck it at him, just hard enough to bridge the gap between your desks, but not so hard that it hurts on impact.

"Ow!" Spencer yelps anyway, glancing up with a look that's somewhere between confusion and indignation. He picks the pen up off the ground and turns it over to see the tiny insignia on the cap. "This is FBI property."

"How was your weekend, Spencer?" you ask again, ignoring him. "Didn't you say you had some fun stuff planned?"

"I did," he lights up, instantly forgetting about the pen incident. "My local movie theater was showing reruns of the first season of the original Star Trek, so I got to experience it on the big screen."

Derek laughs and walks back over to his desk next to yours. "We have very different definitions of fun weekend plans, kid."

You're about to tell Derek that no one wants to hear what his idea of fun is when the office door upstairs flies open and Hotch and Gideon walk out.

Reid hands you back your pen, and Derek sits up in his chair so fast it's almost comical.

"We have another case," Hotch announces before coming to a stop.

Gideon takes it away. "Our unsub is male, intelligent, organized and methodical. He has the confidence of a man who's been killing for a long time."

"Only victim removed from the scene is Freddy Condore indicating some tie to him."

Hotch turns to you. "You, Elle, and Reid stay on Condore's background with Garcia. The rest of us will head to the crime scene."

You nod before standing up. "Let's go, kids."

Penelope's lair is just as eccentric as you remember it.

"Take a seat," she instructs before logging into her computer and opening up her criminal history database. "Just don't get too comfortable."

Your lips quirk up as Elle flashes her eyes at you, and you nod your head at the empty chair on Garcia's opposite side. Reid is already sitting on a desk chair by the back, spinning in aimless circles as he rattles off a list of markers to search for.

After a minute, Penelope stops typing. "Credit card receipts show Freddy loved crab cakes, preferred light beer and used to spend his Thursday nights with a woman in Fells Point."

You pick up a stress toy shaped like a tomato from one of her shelves and bounce it in your palm, just for something to occupy your hands.

"What about his associates?" Elle asks, grabbing a pen with a pom-pom on the end and poking it at Spencer's knee.

"Most of them have criminal records."

Elle glances up. "That much I guessed."

Penelope frowns, and looks pointedly at the pen in her hand.

"She's holding the tomato!" Elle complains, throwing a finger at you.

You lift up your hands in surrender, dropping the stress toy. "Thanks a lot, Greenaway."

"Anyway," Reid interrupts, to everyone's surprise, "One of these guys is particularly interesting. Pull up James Baker's rap sheet."

Penelope turns back to her computer as Spencer reads over her shoulder. "He spent time in juvenile detention for attempted murder, was released at age 21, and then subsequently arrested for, and this is in order, armed robbery, petty theft, burglary, narcotics sales, and rapе."

"What's so interesting about that?"

"When it comes to psychological behavior, anything is possible but this criminal history? It just isn't probable."

Elle nods in agreement. "I mean, as a minor, he began with attempted murder and then devolved into pettier crimes?"

"It's the criminal history of a fractured schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder," you sigh. "It just does not make sense."

***

Hotch calls you into his office when he and Morgan return from Baker's address. You can tell something is off before you even step through the door, so you shut it behind you and take a seat in front of his desk.

"What's going on?" you ask, your eyes glancing over his face to see if his micro-expressions can give you a hint. "What's wrong?"

He looks up with a sigh, his hands clasped on his desk. "Baker's place was an artificial dwelling, and the weapon we recovered on the scene was standard law enforcement issue."

It takes you a few seconds to comprehend what he's trying to say - a few seconds longer than usual - and your breath stutters in your throat. "He was undercover?"

"That's what it looks like," Hotch agrees. "I wanted to inform you before telling the rest of the team."

You nod, pressing your eyes closed for a beat.

He missed his pick-up, Mrs. Adler.

We'll call you as soon as we know more.

The memories start to flood back in and you squeeze your eyes shut tighter before opening them. Hotch looks blurry for a moment until your eyes adjust to the light again.

"Does organized crime know where he is?" you ask, desperately needing to fill the silence.

He looks down at the case file. "We assume so, but it's not like they would tell us. They weren't too happy that we were taking on this case at all, and now we know why."

"Maybe they'll talk to me," you suggest, even though the idea of talking to Josh Cramer makes you taste bile. You haven't seen him since a month after the funeral. It's not for his lack of trying, you just couldn't stomach looking at any of them after what happened. One missed call turned to ten and eventually they stopped trying.

There's a piercing pain behind your eyes and you squeeze them shut for a momentary relief. "It was only supposed to be three months."

Hotch's brow furrows and you don't look up at him just yet. You can already picture his expression, the anguish you know he feels for you whenever you bring up Jeff.

"It was a three month operation," you continue, knowing you won't be able to discuss it later if you stop talking now. "That's all we signed up for. Three months away from me and then he was on leave for the rest of the year, so that we could focus on us again. Maybe even start a family."

Your voice cracks on the last word and you tilt your head down to hide your face. He hates it when you cry, but that's not fair. He knows how important it is to get your emotions out, so they don't pile up inside of you, but if he had his way, you would never have had a reason to cry in the first place.

"I hadn't seen him in over a month when he was..."

He can hear the tightness in your voice and he resists the overwhelming urge to reach his hand out and take yours. You're sitting a foot back from the desk, and it's not he could reach you from here anyway, but his fingers still ache.

"I don't want to blame them, Aaron," you sigh. Your words sound watery, and he pulls a handkerchief out of his inside jacket pocket and hands it to you. He's almost surprised when you accept the gesture, pressing the cloth square under your eyes to catch the tears leaking out. You were so self-reliant as a kid, never wanting or needing anyone else's help. "I don't want to blame them, but I do. I can't help it, I just do."

Someone else would have consoled you. They would have assured you that feeling this way was natural, and that no one could blame you for feeling what you do, but that isn't who you two are. "Jeff wouldn't."

His name is like a dagger to your heart. You practically wince as Hotch digs further. "That team was his family, just like we are yours. He wouldn't blame them, not for this. Not for something he chose."

Something he chose. This is why you don't let yourself remember that day. This is why you kept that day - the day you got that horrible call - locked up inside your brain, where not even you could reach it. Because if you let yourself think about it and remember, then you will remember that it wasn't really Cramer or his unit or the bureau that you blamed. It was him.

For choosing to miss his pick-up. For choosing to go undercover. For choosing to join organized crime.

You take a deep breath and re-adjust yourself in the uncomfortable chair Hotch refuses to replace, even though it's literally splitting at the seams. Something about your tax dollars hard at work. "What are you going to do about Baker?"

He lets you change the subject. "We have to contact Agent Cramer before-

"What the hell is wrong with you people?"

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"Sorry?" Hotch frowns, both of you standing up immediately.

Cramer doesn't take his eyes off Hotch as he seethes with anger. "I told you, this is my case! You ran my agent through IBIS?"

"Because I wanted to know who he worked for and now that I do, I'd like to talk to him."

"You don't have him?"

You can hear your heartbeat in your skull.

Hotch looks at you then, and finally Cramer notices your presence. "Y/N...it's been a while."

Your lips press into a thin line. "Almost two years." The anger you've been trying to avoid seeps into your voice against your will and you sigh, returning to the investigation. "How long has Baker been missing?"

"About 12 hours."

"You think he ran?" you ask, watching Cramer closely as his jaw ticks.

"No, Jimmy's too experienced to run without contact."

He realizes his misstep immediately and his shoulders fall. To his credit, he doesn't break eye contact, even as his expression softens. "That's not what I meant. All I'm saying is that I think someone's keeping Jimmy from calling in."

You can feel Aaron looking at you, but you avoid his line of sight. If you're going to have to interact with organized crime, you might as well make yourself useful. "We all want the same thing, Cramer: to get Baker back to his family."

You wait outside as he explains the situation in more detail to Hotch and Gideon, and you're surprised when he's the first to leave. "Can we talk?"

Hotch comes out behind him and raises his eyebrow for a fraction of a second, a check-in. Swallowing thickly, you nod your head and follow him down the hall to the top of the stairs.

"I'm sorry I haven't reached out recently," he says as soon as you're out of earshot of the others. "You know Jeff was one of our top guys."

Your eyes shut at his name, as though someone clapped their hands too close to your face. It's almost laughable how sure you were that you were past your grief. You passed the bureau's psych evaluation after your six month leave with flying colors (because your team practically wrote the answers yourselves), and as each new day passed and you weren't so debilitated by just the thought of him, you thought it meant you were fine. Because time heals all wounds. At least it's supposed to.

"I know," you whisper scratchily, before clearing your throat. "I know that. And it's okay. We've all been busy." You look down at the bustling bullpen where his agents are interacting with your team. "Clearly."

Then you remember you're job here in the first place. "We really are just trying to help. It wouldn't hurt to keep us involved."

Cramer sighs and you know he won't refuse. "We'll loop you in."

***

James Baker is found and Vincent Perotta gets taken into custody, but you can still hear the end of the interrogation ringing in your ears.

"You were just responding to what you learned, Vincent.

When you grow up in an environment like that, an extremely abusive and violent household... it's not surprising that some people grow up to become killers.

And some people grow up to catch them."

You can't pinpoint exactly what you're feeling, but if you had to guess, it would be sorrow. Sorrow for that little boy who got dealt the worst hand you can imagine, and still turned into the best version of who he could've been.

Hotch can't get the interrogation out of his mind either. He had grabbed his briefcase and headed out to the elevators as soon as Perotta was taken away, in the hopes of avoiding everybody. He's about to let out his breath when a hand reaches between the doors and sends them flying open again.

Normally your appearance is a welcome sight, but tonight, he's had enough talking. Perotta took everything he had to give, and then some, and he doesn't know if he has the strength to go through the proceedings again with you.

"I just want to get home," he says as you stand next to him without a word and face the doors. To my family.

You don't say anything as the little fluorescent floor number ticks down - has it always been this slow - and he feels his nerves tighten with agitation. You're never silent, especially not about something like this.

Just before the elevator reaches the second floor, you reach forward and pull the emergency stop button. He whispers your name, half irritated half relieved, and you step in front of him, focusing your eyes on his. It's a classic profiler technique, both to mentally establish trust and to physically block him from the keypad.

"You're a great father, Aaron."

His mind flashes back 25 years, but he squeezes the hand in his pocket into a fist to keep himself from succumbing to the memories. "I'm trying."

He knows what you're doing, and he would normally be open to a healthy exchange between two adults, but tonight he just can't. It's too fresh.

You seem to understand at least a fraction of what he's trying to convey. Your next words are gentle. "That already makes you a thousand times better than him."

That almost makes him smile. "You can say his name, you know."

You shrug, looking at him with a glint in your eye. "Honestly, I don't think I can. I'm afraid I'll turn into a pile of ash, with the fury your father instills in me."

That's what gets him. He coughs out a laugh that echoes around the elevator, and you return to his side, giving him a moment to breathe on his own.

This time, when his mind spirals back to his childhood, he's not as equipped to block it. The memories come in flashes, a blackening bruise on his abdomen, a split lip explained away through roughhousing in the backyard, the thin scars on his hands and elbows as he finally started to fight back. He would've taken it all forever if he had to, if it meant that he could keep the horrors away from the people he loved. "I really should go."

"Yeah." You push the emergency stop back into place and the elevator hits the ground floor in no time. "I'll see you tomorrow, Hotch."

He steps out, half expecting you to follow him. Instead, the doors close and he's by himself again, and he suddenly can't remember why he wanted to be alone in the first place.

***

When the Keystone Killer is finally caught after 18 years of inactivity, he finds himself expecting for there to be some sort of celebration, either in the form of a commendation, or a much-needed break. Instead, what he gets is a mountain of paperwork.

He usually doesn't mind the paperwork that comes after a long case. It's a helpful way for him to sort through his thoughts on what went down, and to learn from mistakes that were made along the way, whether in the profile or in the capture of the unsub.

Lately, paperwork has felt like an added torture to the long hours he already spends at work. It's not that he wasn't excited about going home before, but ever since Jack was born, he hasn't been able to get out of the office fast enough. But being the unit chief of the BAU has its responsibilities, and this is one of them.

He's drowning in consultation files and case reports when you knock on his door, two coffees in hand.

"Thought that was you," he says, finishing the sentence he was writing.

You frown, setting one steaming cup down on his desk. He hasn't even looked up yet. "How'd you know? Or do you just say that to everyone who walks in here?"

His lip twitches and he puts his pen down. "I could smell the coffee. It always smells the same when you make it."

"Oh?" You weren't aware you had a method. "And how's that?"

"Burnt."

You take the lid off your cup and chuck it at him with surprising accuracy. It would have thwacked him in the forehead if he hadn't swatted it aside with his stupid catlike reflexes.

"What are you working on?" you ask after taking a scalding sip of perfectly brewed coffee.

He looks up for a beat before diving back into the file he was skimming. "Paperwork for the Keystone Killer case."

"But we just finished that," you point out before reaching forward and taking the file out from under his nose.

He huffs. "I was...looking at that."

"This is a report on what happened a couple of hours ago," you say, ignoring his remark. "You can easily do this tomorrow, or later this week."

"It's fresh in my mind now. I don't want to forget any details."

You shrug in a motion that says 'fair enough'. "Or, you could actually go home before midnight for once."

You slide another file off the top of his pile and flip it open, reading over the notes Hotch has scribbled in the margins. He's so meticulous about his job that you almost forget he was promoted just a little over a year ago. He became unit chief at the same time that you joined the team, so you didn't get to see him in his early days, but looking at him now, you almost can't imagine it. It's like he's built for this, for taking responsibility and leading people with kindness and respect.

"Elle said something on the plane today," he says suddenly, jerking you from your thoughts.

You close the file and look up as he runs a hand over his head, pushing his thick hair back just for it to bounce forward again. "She said that she's scared she's going to look up and see that her life has passed her by while she was chasing monsters."

Something cold runs through your veins and you sit up straighter in your chair. "And what did you say?"

"I told her the truth."

You smile in an effort to keep your eyes from shining. "What, that we're all doomed?"

He looks at you candidly. "That this job will eat you up if you let it." Your smile falls and he continues. "You just can't let it."

"I'm sure Elle loved hearing that."

He shrugs. "She was surprisingly receptive."

That gets a laugh out of you, even if the good humor doesn't last long. "I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?"

"This job, while also being a husband, and a father." You sigh, and you can almost feel the weight of the air as it leaves your body. "When I go home, I don't have to be anything to anyone. Most of the time it feels awful, but sometimes, after an especially bad case, I'm almost relieved when I can go home and just check out."

You aren't talking about him anymore, and he can tell. He doesn't mind, if this is what it will take for you to work through your emotions.

"We were gonna start trying for a baby."

That surprises him. Not that you wanted to be a mother - he knows that - but that he didn't know you were already thinking about it, especially because of how you grew up. You don't talk about it often, but after losing your mother to a drunk driver when you were ten, you almost transformed into her, becoming the emotional support for your family when there was no one else to fill that role.

You press your lips into a thin line and take a deep breath, your coffee cold and forgotten on the desk in front of you. "We had been talking about it for years, but with the paths our careers were taking, there just wasn't enough time before then." Your eyes look far away, and you don't seem to notice that your lips have unconsciously curved up into a reminiscent smile. "Jeff wanted five kids. Five. God, can you imagine?"

He can, but he doesn't say anything, because he knows you aren't looking for a response. Just for someone to listen.

"I'm an only child," you say with a laugh. "I don't even know what it's like to have one sibling, let alone four." But Jeff had come from a huge family, and he had wanted you to experience that. He loved how full his home always felt growing up, never without someone to talk to. Now you won't ever get to experience that. "I guess I just wish sometimes that we had tried earlier."

"You'll have it someday," Hotch says simply, practically reading your mind. "If that's what you want, you'll have it."

"I waited so long," you whisper, closing your eyes for a long moment. "I was just so afraid that I wouldn't do it right, because I didn't have my mother anymore to help me."

"You would've been a great mother," he assures you, his voice confident. "One day, you will be."

Your breath comes out like a gasp and you clear your throat to keep the tears at bay. "How do you know?"

"I just know."

***

When you push through the doors to the bullpen the next morning, you are greeted by a familiar head of blonde hair.

"Sean?"

He turns around slowly, clearly recognizing your voice, and pulls his lips up into a smile that you return. "Hey, Y/N, how's it going?"

You weren't close to him as a kid, mostly because of the age gap between him and Hotch. You had tried to make more of an effort after graduating college, but Sean was fierce in his convictions, and there were a lot of things he didn't understand about his childhood that you certainly weren't going to explain to him now.

"Good, good," you say, leading him away from the throng of staring women. You shoot them a look that makes them disperse. "You here for your brother? He's upstairs."

He nods, glancing up at the closed office door. You start to lead him to the stairwell when he stops in his tracks and turns to you. "What mood's he in?"

"Why?" you ask, your brow furrowing. "You got bad news? Nothing I need to worry about, I hope."

Sean shakes his head, glancing up at the closed door again. "Nothing like that. I'll just go up."

You let him walk up on his own, knowing he doesn't want you getting involved in whatever he's thinking about. Before you have a moment to catch your breath, the three women return to your side.

"That's Hotch's brother?" Penelope asks, standing so close you can feel her breath on your ear.

"Maybe Hotch is adopted."

"What do you mean?" you ask, unconsciously glancing up the stairs. "They're honestly pretty similar." You're only half joking. They don't look anything alike, but that Hotchner brand of righteousness runs deep.

JJ frowns. "I don't see it."

"Yeah, he looks...like that," Penelope murmurs, before looking at you. "Did you know him when you were younger? Was he hot then too?"

You choke on your own spit. "He was nine years old when I left for college, so...no."

Her eyes widen and she lifts her hands in surrender.

"Ooh, here he comes."

You look up to see Sean storming down the stairs, Hotch hot on his heels.

"Sean, listen to me."

He turns so fast, you're afraid they're going to crash into each other. "Don't profile me, Aaron."

Sean stomps out of the bullpen while Hotch watches him leave, and you can't get the striking feeling of deja vu out of your head. Two boys, 15 years younger than they are now, standing in the same positions, with the same looks on their faces.

You imagine that you and Hotch probably act the same way around each other as when you first met, at eight years old.

The memory comes easily, even with more than two decades of time standing in the way. The little boy with dark hair who had sat next to you on the school bus, just because there were no other empty seats available that day.

You hadn't said anything for the first few stops, just watched him out of the corner of your eye as he nodded his head unconsciously to the music coming out of his large headphones. Eventually, curiosity got the better of you and you tapped on his shoulder. "What are you listening to?"

He had taken his headphones off quickly, as though caught in the act. "What?"

You repeated your question before leveling him with a pointed stare that meant 'there is a correct answer'. You were a feisty kid, and you weren't always the best at making first impressions, so his steady response impressed you. "Beatles. Revolver album."

"I love that one!" you had gushed, leaning in closer without a warning to press your ear to one of the speakers on his headphones. "Is this Yellow Submarine?"

He had nodded, the confusion in his eyes slowly transforming into delight. "You know their stuff?"

"Of course. My favorite's Eleanor Rigby."

He had frowned then. "That one's too sad."

You weren't surprised by his opinion. You had yet to find a boy your age who could appreciate serious music, but liking The Beatles was a start, at least.

"I'm Y/N," you had said, extending your hand like you were starting a business meeting.

He shook your hand furtively. "Aaron."

"Maybe I'll see you around."

The school bus had stopped at your street then, and you had gotten up without another word to this boy, who would one day become your best friend in the world.

Luckily, the next day, Aaron chose to sit next to you again, this time with a second pair of headphones to attach to his compact cassette deck. Two days turned to three, and before long, you had a new friend.

***

"I can't imagine what two weeks away from this place is gonna feel like," you sigh, packing some essentials into your bag and snapping it shut. "I might actually miss you guys."

"Not me," Morgan grins, before pressing a kiss to your cheek as he zips around you. "Two weeks of pure heaven with nothing but young, beautiful adults looking to make vacation memories."

"Your friend's resort better be as nice as you say it is," Elle says sternly as she wiggles her finger at Derek, who is busy inviting Reid to join their vacation.

"Thanks, but I'm going home," he says quickly, without looking at any of you. "Have a good one, guys."

"I'll head out too," you announce, grabbing your things and following him to the elevators. "Wait up, Spence."

He doesn't seem to hear you, but you slip through the doors just before they close. "You okay?"

"Huh?" he says, finally looking up. "Oh, yeah. I'm just not looking forward to the Nevada heat."

You can tell he's lying, but you don't want to press him right before the long break. "You can always call me if you need anything. Seriously."

"Yeah," he nods. "I know."

You wave goodbye to him in the parking lot, and you're back in the silence of your home by the end of the hour.

The rest of your day is spent lazing around the house, and you're asleep when you hear a knock at your door. After Jeff's death, you started keeping your gun in your nightstand, more out of a general sense of security than any specific acute fear, but its proximity during late night calls has given you the peace of mind you needed to finally sleep through the night.

Lifting it from the drawer, you hold it behind your back as you tiptoe to your front door and look through the peephole. When you don't see anyone, you carefully pull the door open, only to find a small packet sitting on your welcome mat with your name scrawled on the top.

After bringing it inside the house and locking the door again, you pry open the seal and extract a large piece of paper covered in a series of numbers and dots.

That's when the phone rings.

***

"How's it going?" you ask Reid and Morgan as you enter the conference room where all of the Fisher King's clues have been laid out. Neither of them have taken their eyes off the paper you brought in since you tacked it up on the board.

As expected, Reid doesn't look up. "The answer to what book we need has to be in here."

"Yeah," Derek sighs, glancing over at you, "but we sure as hell can't see it."

"Yet."

You look at the numbers again, hoping that your short walk to the coffee station and back would have been enough to unlock something new in your brain. Nothing. "The answer has to be based on specific details of each person's clue." A small sound turns your attention to the couch, where Elle is lying on her side. "Is Elle asleep?"

"I'm awake!" she starts, sitting up lethargically.

At the outburst, Hotch walks into the room and points at her bags. "I'm sending you home. You need to get some rest."

"No-"

"We won't do anything without you, I promise."

"Elle, seriously, we're not any closer than we were."

She nods, her lack of sleep seeming to dawn on her as she yawns again.

"Anderson," Hotch calls out, before you stop him. "What is it?"

"I can take her home," you suggest, looking over your shoulder as she lugs her bags down the hall with bleary eyes. He looks like he wants to protest, so you speak up before he has the chance. "She barely knows Anderson. I'll make sure she's settled, and then you can send him to watch her house, so I can come back here."

"I don't know if that's a good idea," he sighs, his eyes still trained on Elle's silhouette lingering by the elevator. "We may need you here."

You cock your head at Reid and Morgan, who have been sitting in the same positions for so long, you're surprised their necks haven't locked. "It's like they said. We haven't made any progress in over an hour. I'm not helping here."

He still looks unsure, but you know it's just worry. He'll always worry about you. "Okay, go. Call me in an hour to check-in."

You dip your head in a nod and jog through the bullpen to catch Elle as she's heading out.

"So you're my bodyguard, huh?"

You laugh, pressing the button for the ground floor. "Something like that."

"Good," Elle says, trying and failing to stifle a yawn, "you're much more fun than Anderson."

"Prettier, too."

The car ride to her house starts off silent, but eventually you break your internal promise to let her come to you. "How are you feeling after last night?"

She just shrugs. "It was more annoying than anything. I'm just glad I got to enjoy at least some of my vacation."

"I heard there was blood all over your room," you point out lightly, trying to broach the subject in a delicate manner. "That can't have been fun to wake up to."

"It was all on the outside. That's part of why they weren't able to hold me. That, and Hotch's lawyer chops."

You raise an eyebrow, glancing over at her as you pull over to the sidewalk. "His lawyer chops?" You know he used to be a prosecutor before joining the bureau, but you never got to see his skills in action.

"Yeah," Elle gushes, her face brightening considerably, "you should have seen the way he walked in there. Those beat cops had no idea what hit 'em. He was in full prosecutor mode, went all rainmaker on them until they released me."

You can imagine it. If any of you were in trouble, he wouldn't let anything get between him and your safety. "I wish I could've seen that."

When you put the car in park, you help Elle with her bags and walk her up to her door, where she insists that she'll be fine on her own.

"I promised I would wait with you until another agent could come and relieve me," you emphasize, instinctively scanning the vicinity around her home as she walks inside and drops her things on the floor.

"In about thirty seconds, I'll be passed out on this couch right here," she points at the window seat behind her, "so you'll just be watching me sleep for an hour."

You open your mouth to argue but she cuts you off. "Y/N, I'll be fine."

If there's one word to describe Elle, it's stubborn, so you let her shut the door behind her and you walk back to your car. Even if she won't let you sit with her inside, you still can't bring yourself to start the ignition, so you lean your seat back halfway and close your eyes, just for a few moments.

You haven't gotten much sleep either, and you're about to doze off when you hear a loud thud from outside the car. Jerking up, you undo the clasp of your holster and push open the car door. The world is silent, except for the rustling of leaves in the wind, but you start making your way up the drive, just to be sure. There's another thud, quieter this time, and you reach for your sidearm as you ascend her porch steps. Then comes a gunshot.

You start running.

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actual-changeling · 3 months

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We need to talk about the Archangel Michael.

No, seriously we NEED to talk about Michael because I think she's going to be way more important than we currently think.

(quick side note: I will be jumping between pronouns for everyone involved because I go by vibes and also bc I'm trans and I like doing it. Hopefully it won't be too confusing, but I'll try to make it clear who I am talking about.)

So! Welcome back to Alex's unhinged meta corner. In accordance with the usual essay rules, let's begin with my hypothesis before we go down a long, probably very unhinged spiral.

I completely underestimated how thorough I was going to be, so to not overwhelm everyone with a miles long post, I will be dividing this meta into parts and will post them as I finish them.

A lot of small details have been fluttering around my mind over the last few weeks, and I think I am finally starting to put all the pieces together—and there are a LOT.

Part 1: Season One and Michael's Rank

We know them as one of the three (four—but that's another post) Archangels next to Gabriel and Uriel. While Gabriel's title was that of the Supreme Archangel, Michael's is explicitly stated in episode one of season two as 'duty officer', which, broadly speaking, makes them the Watcher, the one in charge in the case of Gabriel's absence for whatever reason, taking command where he can't; usually that probably meant him simply being busy and not him being unemployed and naked.

Their position is further signified by their ring, which resembles the Ophanim, the many-eyed angel wheels.

They are the one to keep a literal eye on things—they find pictures of Aziraphale and Crowley in S1 in the Observation Files, they watch over the heavenly hosts, they oversee plans, everything.

Michael even takes it a step further and (presumably created) the grapevine with hell, having direct contact to higher ranking demons such as Ligur, most likely also Dagon, and Beelzebub.

This is where we get to my theory: Michael is actively working with demons against both heaven and hell. It doesn't mean that they care about preserving earth, though they might later on, but that whatever plans heaven currently has are to be stopped.

I'm going to take this one step further and say that Michael also knew about Gabriel and Beelzebub, and helped him escape.

Now to the fun part: the evidence!

In season one, they are interested in stopping Crowley and Aziraphale from preventing the apocalypse, but that does not mean that they agree with the plans heaven has for said event—only that they need it to happen so their own agenda can stay on track. She has information she technically shouldn't, like, well, literally all the details about how, when, and what is going to go down

This is due to heaven and hell's general cooperation, which is its own post, but all of that runs through them.

That 'apparently' is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, it's the basic and plausible deniability that's required for them to not be in trouble. She is also in charge of ORGANIZING the troops, fulfilling her role as a navigator.

On top of that, the way she talks to Ligur highly mirrors the way two covert operatives might talk to one another, using phrases like 'our man' and 'working for you'. The mere assumption Michael makes here, that Aziraphale could be a spy, implies that there ARE already spies and angels working for hell.

Consorting with the enemy is allowed as long as it is done within a very specific framework, so Michael and Ligur are free to do so, while Aziraphale and Crowley are working outside of it, which gives heaven & hell the basis to punish them for it.

I think the phrasing of this sentence is also quite interesting.

Not "time to come back to heaven" or anything along the lines that takes Aziraphale's ethereal status into account, no, she simply says he needs to 'choose sides'—and who is to say that he needs to choose heaven or that heaven and hell are the only sides one can choose? Additionally, Michael is the one to bring the holy water to hell while they send one of the Erics, and while the trial as a whole holds a certain tension, there does not seem to be any open animosity between him and the dukes of hell.

In short, Michael is working with hell behind the scenes, likely pursuing their own goals, and standing in opposition to heaven.

Moving on to season two, and here it gets REALLY fun.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

(hopefully it will just be five. it was supposed to be two. then three. but here we are)

#alex talks good omens #good omens #good omens season 2 #go2 #good omens meta #archangel michael #archangel uriel #archangel gabriel #good omens michael #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable husbands #ineffable wives #ineffable spouses #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #alex's unhinged meta corner

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mdhwrites · 11 months

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Sometimes it really does feel like The Owl House was explicitly designed for cartoon Twitter, down to its lackluster redemption arcs that make sure to scrub away all flaws of the characters quickly so that Twitter folks don't think they're "problematic."

So there's a lot to be said about TOH being fandom bait. The explicit call out to fanfiction early on, the coven system also being the school divisional system that theoretically should have led to more Hexide OCs but for a LOT of reasons didn't, and the fact that a lot of what the show seems to think is clever is stuff you'd find here on Tumblr or on Twitter. Hot takes about tropes like The Chosen One that doesn't actually think about the narrative role of those tropes and why they're tropes in the first place. Just that the idea of a trope is a bad thing. For the character arcs though... I don't know. I've talked admittedly about how much I hate posts that go "Look how far she's come!" while showing Amity from her first appearance and then like S3 Amity who's smiling like she's improved as a character. Changed? Sure but improved? That's... That's a much tougher cookie.

I think the lackluster arcs more have to do with two main elements of the writing (or more so the lack there of): Patience and complexity. Character arcs are incredibly hard to pull off right after all and much harder than character growth. The transformation of a character should be effectively a subplot if you're going to have them have a major shift in who they are. That way the change feels deserved, is understood by the audience and you got the proper drama out of who they were.

This requires a beginning, middle and end to most arcs. Zuko's for example has each volume cover effectively one of these stages. We get his beginning as an angry boy and we explore properly why he is while showing signs that maybe he could change. Book two pinballs back and forth on whether he will continue be an asshole or finally find peace like his uncle wants for him until the dramatic twist of him choosing to work with Azula. And finally we have a proper conclusion to him with his choice that being in the Fire Nation doesn't make him happy. This isn't the honor he wants, something that was always technically there but REALLY needed all this time explain why the character figured out that himself.

For The Collector, Amity and Hunter... TOH skips straight to the Azula betrayal. To the final mistake of the character before the rest of their arc makes them regret and rethink that decision and what they have done for that which they desire. This is why Amity is different than her first two appearances. Why Hunter and the Golden Guard are effectively two different characters. Why a season hop is all it takes for the Collector to not be a childish god but a god-like child.

This is from TOH's lack of patience. It likes its big moments but doesn't like the wandering. The moseying with an element to properly explore it. It's part of why the longer the series goes on, you have two options with how these character develop: It either nags at you the fact that their beginnings were discarded so quickly or you just forget that they had those beginnings at all.

I do want to shout out Lilith here who actually starts in her middle phase actually. Part of the strength of S1 is the question of if Lilith will or won't turn in Eda and that's part of what makes Agony of a Witch so good. It then sours because what happens afterwards sucks and makes little sense to who we saw in S1 but at least the middle IS there.

What about the beginning though? You'd think that be important and TOH agrees! Which is why its lack of complexity is the next problem for it in this: It needs to craft an excuse for the first appearance that also makes it so that the character can continue just being who they are supposed to be at the end of the arc/who they always were depending on how you want to look at it. This is why we get BACKSTORIES! Bad backstories. Backstories that simply blame it that bad behavior on someone else. It wasn't anything they internalized or the like so stop asking. That way you can say Amity was a good hearted child who had that heart clouded by her parents and then those clouds were shined away by Luz and that sounds like a fine enough arc because she was always a good person and so returning to that good person was easy. Hunter gets this the WORST. Theoretically, he should have some sort of theme of being his own person but... His excuse is that he's Caleb. Caleb was a good guy who was into witches so when Luz makes him question for a second, Hunter becomes the same. It's... Bad. Plain and simply.

This cuts out the middle. In a lot of trilogies, one might claim that cutting out the middle doesn't hurt much because not much needs to be resolved. You can't really do this with a character arc though. The middle is the questioning. It's when the character actually examines who they are and starts figuring out the answers that will lead them to wherever their arc is going. Effectively, the middle is the WHY for the arc. The beginning is the foundation and the end is the payoff but neither mean anything if there's no point to the arc and the middle is usually what actually provides that. For Zuko, it was his troop through the Earth Kingdom that taught him what his belief in honor was and fortified it before Ba Sing Se made him properly question that by bringing up the question of what brings someone honor with the tea house. In coming to accept that Iroh was also honorable for his serving of tea, Zuko was able to even open the door to other possibilities for regaining his honor than the biggest or the most obvious.

This is missing from pretty much all of the TOH characters... because it has to. It literally has to. TOH wants an excuse for the first introduction after all before transitioning them into simply the character they are. In that process, the old is discarded. It's like how Eda's history as a criminal becomes much more patchwork in S2 because she's now been replaced with Mama Eda. TOH has no interest in combining the two so it comes up less and less until S1 is ignored in Edge of the World so Eda doesn't trust Hooty to protect the house, despite OBVIOUSLY being capable of it back in S1, and she's nothing but a complete worrywart about effectively every threat posed against her children. There's a medium ground to be had there... But TOH just doesn't even try to explore it or acknowledge it.

Lilith, because she has the most of a middle, is the biggest victim here. S1 never brought up history. S1 never made her blatantly act like an idiot. You could see her enthusiasm in victory but she was okay with failure. She was by all accounts a very functional person who provided a good base for Eda's hijinks but that didn't make her the joke, it made Eda's pranks or teases the joke.

In S2, she IS the joke. She is desperate for attention... Because Belos is effectively her scapegoat. Or her mom. Or just wanting validation in general. I can sympathize with that as someone with Avoidant Personality Disorder... But the show doesn't earn that. Instead she just makes a hard, 90 degree pivot come S2 and doesn't look back.

These arcs don't function like this. Not unless you literally boil them down to "They were mad but now they're glad." Which hilariously enough, doesn't actually even apply to Zuko. Zuko learns to be calmer, but glad? Motherfucker LOSES IT right at the start of the finale and not only is it justified, it's in character still. Because Zuko has the complexity, and the story had the patience, so that when his arc ended, he was the same character we first met but better and with better morals. The Owl House simply can't say that.

#the owl house criticism #toh critical #Character Arcs

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spaceorphan18 · 6 months

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Glee Musical Retrospective: What It Feels Like for a Girl (Power of Madonna)

youtube

Sung by: New Directions Boys Original Artist(s): Madonna

Glee is a little dubious when it comes to conversations about women - but I do think this episode handles it (possibly) better than most of the time. I still have slightly conflicting feelings about this one -- in that it is going to kick off an uncomfortable trend where the show tries to have men use women's music to explain women's issues -- but, this one is more so about teaching the boys a lesson, and I feel much better about it than, say, how they're going to just botch it up two seasons from now...

Story Analysis

At the beginning of this - Will gives this long speech about how the boys are treating all the girls like crap. A lot of the time - they do, but it's funny, other than the Artie/Tina story line - where he's just terrible to her, and Puck being his usual brand of misogynistic, the guys (as a group) didn't necessarily need the lesson. However - the show is going out of its way to support women and empowerment this episode, so sure, why not.

Girls can wear jeans And cut their hair short Wear shirts and boots 'Cause it's okay to be a boy But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading 'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading

Finn and Artie say these lines at the beginning. I do appreciate the sentiment the song is trying to share -- that there is a double standard and that even in a modern age, women are still considered second class citizens. I like that Artie seems to get it (as this lesson is main for him) and that he starts to understand as he sings.

Now, I really don't think this song is going to magically change any minds (the lyrics are just too thin) and while there's some attempt to put yourself in someone else's shoes - I think it takes more than singing a pop song once to really internalize the lesson. But Artie does walk away understanding that he's been a jerk at least. And Finn is at least trying when Puck throws a hissy fit after the song.

But secretly You'd love to know what it's like, wouldn't you? What it feels like for a girl?

These are the lines that Kurt speaks and, oof, do I have some thoughts. Ryan Murphy wrote this episode -- and he's admitted through interviews that Madonna was something sacred to him when he was growing up. This feels so, so much like something Murphy probably internalized -- and thus gave it Kurt to speak.

Because, honestly, I'm going to push back here -- and say that there's a difference between sexuality and gender. Sure, Kurt's more effeminate in his mannerisms (especially S1 Kurt) but as he's going to say in a few episodes - he's still a guy. Kurt doesn't really have any issues with gender.

I will concede though he does feel more at home with the girls, and wishes, like a girl, he could have a boy interested in him. I'll also say that sometimes sexuality and gender can blur a little bit -- and this is why I think this line is so Ryan Murphy - because I do think he's struggled with those lines.

So, yes, I get it, and get why Kurt says it, I still roll my eyes though...

Lastly, I'll at least give Will a little bit of credit for trying. I'm glad that he didn't try to fix the girls and their attitudes, but did try to help the boys. Will's not great, himself, when it comes to women. But at least he's attempting to be a better role model here.

Technical Thoughts

Not sure if anyone else notices these things but -- did you notice the drum beat and all the synth going on? In order to say that it wasn't coming from the ether, they put a black box on the piano and Brad Ellis is playing the mini synth/electric piano/whatever it - to simulate the sound as accompaniment. I'm curious as to when they're going to stop implying that there's 'real' music to accompany the singing.

So - the boys sound really good on this. Their voices mesh really well, and since there aren't any huge leaps, and the range of the song is pretty simple, they can focus on having some great harmonization. I don't know who is really singing - I can definitely here Will, Artie, Finn and Puck. I'm not sure if I hear Kurt or not, and I kind of doubt Mike and Matt are actually singing (but I could be totally wrong). But anyway, my point is the arrangement of this great and vocally they really kill this one.

I like a lot of the acting choices, too. Kurt's looking adoringly at Finn. Puck is just over it and does not care about the 'lesson'. Mike is just having the best time because he's just that guy. And Will just gets into it - nice to know he just gets taken away by all the music.

vs. The Studio Version: There's a second verse! Led by Artie! Poor Artie - so much of his singing gets relegated to the second verse of the studio version. We also get a reprise of the chorus. There's a good two minutes added on to the song. I also kind of wonder if they're doubling tracks again - it almost feels like there's a full choir added in there.

vs. The Original Version: When doing research for the song (yes - I do research for all of them!) I found that there were two different versions. The one I linked is the softer, radio edit, that's a lot more like the Glee version. Again, Glee keeps pretty close to the original -- only adding in harmonies since it was sung by multiple people. They also toned down the synth sound so it can feel more HS-ish (though I'd argue keeping the synth sound still makes it sound produced...).

Just as an fyi, I didn't link the official video -- which is more a techno, clubbing version. The video is dark and very violent. Kind of Madonna wanting to be edgy to say that girls can be hyper violent, too, I guess. Anyway, just wanted to throw on that TW in case you seek that one out.

#the great glee rewatch #so's musical retrospective #glee #glee music #Youtube

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silentsockfeet · 1 year

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tlou hbo s1 ep2 thoughts (w/ spoilers)

the opener for this ep was honestly scarier than the first imo, seeing the woman inspect the dead body and find all the signs of infected were SO creepy, and then the slow dawning of fear in her throughout the scene, the quickness with which she both proposed bombing the city and accepted her death. such a good building of suspense throughout

and then also the way her bomb suggestion was a lead into the later conversation with joel tess and ellie about how the cities were bombed. i love that we don’t actually know if jakarta was bombed or not, the idea that everyone came to the same conclusion without following from example is even more harrowing of a reality

ellie all curled up in the grass comfy and asleep i would kill for her i would die for her i want to hold her in my hands and protect her from the world

“fine i’ll just throw a fuckin sandwich at them” I LOVE THIS GODDAMN KID

joel and ellie’s back and forth throughout the ep is so fun i think it does such a good job of setting up their chemistry without getting them to connect to early

the little giraffe toy in the weeds :’(((

tess basically immediately adopting ellie im obsessed. i love that we get to see a bit more of their dynamic than the game bc it really highlights that tess is a good person at heart even if she says otherwise. she connects with ellie quickly, and the way her empathy and hope slowly starts shining through as the ep progresses (and even as she begins to accept her fate) really says so much about her character

“there’s no boyfriend that’ll come after you?” “…..no.”

the foreshadowing of ellie guessing at the infected types is awesome, i love the fact that she technically got them both right. related but i wonder how they’re gonna do infected types like the shamblers if spores aren’t gonna be a thing

that little frog vibin on the piano what a talented little guy

THE HOTEL SCENE IS TOO EARLY i wonder if they’re gonna have a hotel basement scene now?? probably not which kinda makes sense, it’s a scene better played than watched. but it would’ve been cool to see how they did it

love the expansion of the fungus lore, the interconnected-ness of the tendrils is so cool and so goddamn creepy

the entire clicker sequence was SO GODDAMN GOOD. the way tess and joel don’t tell ellie (or the audience) anything about what’s going on really forces us to put ourselves in ellie’s shoes so that we’re as terrified as her. and the fact that there doesn’t need to be a word of dialogue said to get us to figure out how the clickers work is so goddamn impressive, a shining example of ‘show don’t tell’ i think

am sad that no bricks or bottles were thrown tho

the rooftop scene. i could cry with how faithful this show is

the change in dialogue at the capital building,, “i never asked you for anything… not to feel the way i felt…” i am in so much pain.

on that note it’s scenes like these that really make me love this show bc there really is something for everyone. connecting back to the infected lore from earlier was so fucking cool and felt like such a natural change and the changes to tess’s dialogue make the scene so fresh and still impactful for people that already know the game

i love the specific line “save who you can save” because i feel like it does the perfect job of emphasizing how much tess buys into the cure while also setting the stage for joel’s decision down the road. like at the end of the game, joel really does save who he can save, it just isn’t in the way tess intended. it’s a way for him to still hear her words and connect with them but also have the intention twisted

okay bear with me but i actually liked the inclusion of the cordyceps kiss, it takes something that is so normal and even beautiful to us but then perverts it like that’s textbook horror baby!

general overview: how in the hell was this ep even better than the first

#tlou hbo #tlou spoilers #the last of us #my posts #goddamn yall i really am losing my mind ITS SO GODDAMN GOOD #I CANT BELIEVE WE GET THIS #tlou hbo notes #tlou 1x02

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smokingasters · 1 year

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Reading PP Providence spoilers has depressed me. I have mixed feelings about the movie, I suppose I can have a proper think about it only after I see the movie (it’s not available yet in my country). Read ahead at your own risk of being spoiled. This is a vent/commentary.

Shinya being a reckless fool is consistent enough…I’m pretty sure I’m going to break down crying during some of his scenes, especially the ones with Saiga. I am hoping for some Kou Gino content as well, the tension between my best boys has me nervous. I am curious to see how it turns out, the tension could be felt between them in S3 so we don’t know if it’s fully resolved or not. I know that Ginoza has a right to be angry at Shinya and my heart goes out for those two, their relationship was complicated from the start. The prodigal son returning to face those he left behind, it’s obvious that people are angry at him.

About Shinya especially, apart from the fact that he’s weighed down by the ghost of Makishima, depressed and losing his sense of purpose, being used as a tool for war and being haunted by multiple deaths and wars, being turned from a detective to a killing machine it is a tragic journey. From some of the stuff I read in S3 novels and Gino’s reaction to their reunion, Shinya must be feeling incredibly alone. But is he ever going to heal? Knowing that Professor Saiga is dead and that Shinya goes to jail for killing Tonami… I don’t know if that’s even possible. There was no mention of Makishima’s ghost either but I like to think he’s still being haunted, after all Sinners Case 3 and Providence occur back to back.

As for Akane’s part, I’m more concerned that she took that step to shoot Kasei I do not understand her reasoning yet but I can understand her grief and anguish. She’s suffered, losing her friend, her grandma and she’s faced with the inability of doing anything against the System while working under it.

But the whole Atsushi Shindo angle strikes me as strange. In S3 novel translation, Akane is typing out her reflections about the System, from the very beginning I felt that Kei and Arata were planted by Akane because it’s a part of her plan to bring down the System by replacing it with something better, and I ventured a guess that the System caught on and this was why she was imprisoned but with Providence spoilers I am confused as to why that was never her goal and she took such an action. The plot doesn’t make sense to me yet.

Her motivations and beliefs turning to a degree where she violates the law for her personal sense of justice strikes me as odd and uncharacteristic. Because make no mistake, Shinya and Akane though have a similar outlook on the System react to it in very different ways.

Shinya uses his rage against the System to rebel against it. His sense of justice is deeply personal and rooted in his emotions and he’d rather bear the burden of his sin of killing alone than have anyone else share it for him. He’d repeatedly break the law and handle things his way.

Akane uses her judgment, her intuition of ethics in the law to make her decisions. Her process is slow but it’s fuelled by her conviction alone of what the law truly is. Not the systems or the provisions but the collective belief of people and she knows that using violence against violence will only create more chaos.

Which is why it strikes me as odd that Akane of all people would take this step. Regardless, she technically avenged Kagari. I also somewhat dislike the fact that Shinya is required to step in and protect her, because I believe Akane is strong enough to protect herself (2015 Akane and Sinners of the System Akane is my favourite) Shinya was not by her side all this time and she suddenly isn’t a damsel in distress…in any manner of speaking. From the context of the spoilers it might be that the story is a commemoration of S1 Psycho Pass so there are multiple parallels and callbacks to S1.

Other than that, I’m curious about the Stronskaya document, how does it tie in with being a threat to Sibyl? S3 had no mention of this, with all the crazy things going with Bifrost so are these two related? Or is this document a way to put an end to the System that the Peacebreakers tried to exploit?

Have they elaborated about the MFA’s motivations? Frederica is someone that I am extremely curious about especially since she talked about changing the shape of the world and has previous enforcer’s affected by the System working for her. From the workings in Sinners, I felt as though the MPSWB and MFA had come to an agreement to phase out the System without alerting it. I believed that was why Hanashiro scouted Shinya, so that he could aid her with his skills to bring an end to Sibyl.

Saiga in Providence does state that: Justice has many sides.

Since the very beginning our protags pursued their own interpretation of justice and the law. We see Ginoza trying not become like his father but ultimately becoming a victim to the System, loyally helping out Akane and staying by her side to keep an eye on her. We see Akane trying to reform the System by leading a team of Inspectors and Enforcers that’s based on trust and respect, on treating latent criminals like humans. We see Shinya giving in to his personal sense of justice, fuelled by his sense of pride and betrayal at the System for failing Sasayama, because it let someone like Makishima get away.

What I want to see is the dynamic between the MPSWB and the MFA, working to take down the System and the deeply philosophical questions to still underline the plot. That is the Psycho Pass that I ended up enjoying.

I’ll be clear, I’m not a fan of shipping…(yes I self-ship but that is a different matter. I do it for my enjoyment) I’m more interested in the dynamics between the Golden Trio and the deep rooted reflections on society and human life, A.I and socio-political criticisms and the personal philosophies of the characters.

Okay vent over. On another note, will we ever get to see an interaction between Shinya and his mom? Is Tomoyo ever going to scold her brat of a son for putting his friends through such pain? For running away? Despite all his faults I also want him to feel some affection and love and feel validated, my man is too depressed, the smoking and drinking is going to end him soon regardless, if the guns don’t get to him first.

Shinya is such an idiot.

#psycho pass #psycho pass providence spoilers #kougami shinya #ginoza nobuchika #tsunemori akane #frederica hanashiro

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theflyindutchwoman · 5 months

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I feel like the writers used the same formula for 5x16 and 5x20 when they started the episodes making the audience think the issue was gonna be one thing but, surprise! It's not.

We supposed to think the issue in 5x16 was going to be Tim's jealousy but no and 5x20 they wanted us to think Isabel was going to be a problem but no.

But I must say it was weird to not have chenford have the isabel talk at the end, especially after lucy and Nyla's conversation. The episode would have been full circle. I think we needed 1 episode between 20 and 21 who would have been preparing for the UC storyline and have 5x20 focusing on the relationship. It was a missed opportunity because we could have had a beautiful chenford scene at the end. But hey, I still think the 100s ep could give us a first I love you, it would be the best way to show us the evolution of both chenford as a couple but also for their characters from when they started the show. They could acknowledging some things so I haven't lost hope yet lol, we don't always have things the first season that a couple start dating.

Uh! I never considered this before. That's a good point. And now that you mention it, I do have a similar gripe with the writing in 5.16 and 5.20 : they both introduced a conflict, only to gloss over it. I suppose the misdirections didn't help either, even though I didn't truly mind them. Both episodes also suffered from the pacing : too many plots and not enough time to get into the heart of the matter. It was particularly the case in 5.16. Which is too bad because that episode could have actually been used to pave the way for 5.20/5.21 as Tim's discomfort with secrets is a common denominator for these three episodes. It was the perfect way to tie everything together, but it wasn't clear enough.

For 5.20, since it was just the beginning of the UC arc (its impact on Tim and Lucy's relationship) and the Teska case, I can understand why it didn't end neatly. That final scene of them on the couch showed how their communication was still off, how neither really knew how to address this. They were both afraid, even though Lucy was the only one who voiced it. And they did end up talking about Isabel, indirectly, in 5.21. The Lucy/Nyla conversation is so interesting to me. I just love their friendship. And i thought it was sweet to have her and Tamara on Lucy's side, so to speak. And that talk had some meta undertones, as if the writers took the opportunity to confirm to us, the viewers, that Isabel was not used for a love triangle. I imagine that the point was to emphasise that Tim was over her and Lucy was aware and secure in that knowledge. Which would explain why she seems quite comfortable interacting with Isabel in the car, going as far as joking and turning down her 'cheat codes'. All in all, I thought this take was refreshing : most shows would have had Lucy being jealous or Isabel as the conniving ex. It's just that they might have gone a bit overboard in the writing since the latter hadn't been seen since s1. If it had been more progressive, maybe it would have worked better. I too would have liked a deeper conversation at the end. With Tim checking that Lucy was alright with everything. With her asking him how he felt affer seeing his ex-wife again and working on an old UC case of hers… That had to bring back so many bad memories. But I also see why they wanted to leave it open-ended so they could address it later. Like in 5.21. These two episodes really work together.

And yes, it is important to remember that technically, Lucy and Tim have only been a couple for half a season… this is just the beginning! I'm so happy that we got to see those first milestones. I almost expected a time jump or complications from the get-go. And we've had so many great moments already, where they got to strengthen their relationship and enjoy their 'honeymoon period'. I'm still holding out hope we'll get to see an ILY scene! In the 100th episode or in another one. I do think that a bigger conversation about UC is in the works - they have just opened that door with those last episodes. It's a work in progress. Feb. 20th cannot come soon enough!

#ask & ye shall receive #the rookie #chenford

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eerna · 1 year

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how did u rate tdp s4? what moments did u like and what u hated

I don't do well with ratings, but here's an off-the-top-of-my-head list of likes and dislikes!

LIKES:

This might not belong here bc it is technically OOC, but I was always annoyed at Rayla saving Pyrrah in s2, so I am glad they went back on it lolololol

The Rayllum dynamic in the first 80% of the season! I loved how stubborn and focused Callum was on being offended without letting it be annoying or hinder the plot

Callum! Before, I didn't really care much for his arc, but I liked him this season! TDP struggles with tone, but the serious edgyness they gave him this season accidentally created the most tonally coherent main character lol. I was annoyed at how out of nowhere his "YOU GOTTA KILL ME" thing was, but based on Rayla's reaction that might have been the point? AND he only said one bad joke way back at the beginning of ep 1, which made him 1000 times more endearing.

This might be Stockholm syndrome but the self-righteous monologues weren't bad this time around? I really loved the earth dragon's Avizandum rant, go off king

Claudia is now EVIL!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!!! I WANTED THIS SO BAD I LOVED THAT VIREN WAS SIDELINED IN HER FAVOR THIS SEASON LET'S GO EVIL GIRLS LET'S GO

Speaking of which, CLAUDIA AND TERRY KILLING SOMEONE!!! I was expecting it but it was nice to have my expectations met

The coin scene where Rayla is ready to cut a bitch and Claudia makes her regret it was so good!!! Idk why Aaravos said Rayla can’t kill, she killed Viren just fine, and this scene was more in line with that Rayla. However it got ruined by Claudia going back :/

DISLIKES:

the animation. I was one of the rare people who didn't mind the frame rate of s1, but this season's colors and shapes and movements were a gigantic problem for me. The screenplay is worse too. All in all the show doesn't look as competent as it used to.

Janai and Amaya. I am personally offended bc I was HERE for the marriage political drama plotline, but they messed it up at every turn. I ended up feeling like Janai doesn't know Amaya at all and is actually a really naiive, unaware woman, which is a very bad thing for political plotlines.

Rayla. She was so OOC it was insane. I am convinced the writers just didn't know what to do without her and that's why she was in this season. Like, why is she more emotionally mature, who did she have to practice those skills with??? We don't know, because the writers don't know either, as far as they are concerned she was in a coma for 2 years!!!! They could have removed TTM and instead made s4 Rayla paranoid and accidentally neglectful, and then in the end her fears get validated when she sees Viren and leaves Callum in a split second's decision, and then in s5 we can have a breakup story.

the plot is as contrived as always. If I were a queen of a people called "sunfire elves" whose bodies can run so hot they burn things they touch and a human architect showed up with plans to build a highly burnable camp for us, I'd think it was a practical joke. The dragon queen sees someone was murdered in her home while she was away, then a few hours later leaves her young son in that same home and thinks that will make him safe.

the coin scene T.T IT STARTED OUT SO GOOD IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD IF ONLY CLAUDIA DIDN’T GO BACK

The timeskip. Honestly was not needed at all. We could have done all the same things with a 2 month timeskip and it would make more sense bc WHY HAVE THE SUNFIRE ELVES BEEN LIVING IN A SUPER FLAMMABLE CAMP FOR 2 YEARS

how do the jokes keep getting worse. How. Why did we need those 5 minutes in which Claudia details how much she loves her bf's farts. I totally get why Viren got a panic attack and fell to his second death right afterwards

the ATLA references also keep getting worse. Someone explain to them they should stop reminding people that they could be watching a better kids' show instead

#eernask #eernanon #eernask talk tdp #tdp spoilers

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kasumikoujou · 6 days

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Do you have any 00 characters you like, aside from the innovades and the Trinitys?

yes and im sorry i dont really talk about them or draw them (only sometimes) 😭 i posted a tierlist awhile back & i have no idea where it is . so i will just talk about everything here now :) it will probably be VERY long so i am putting it under a read more. also this will be full of spoilers but i guess that makes sense <- saying if anyone stumbles upon it & is still watching

edit its super long 🙏🙏🙏🙏 HOPE YOU ENJOY READING

my absolute favorites besides the innovades (trinities included) are neil and chris! i did draw neil a few more times than anyone else thats not an innovade, and sadly only drew chris once for her bday 😭 IVE REALLY GOT TO DRAW HER MORE shes so cute and fun to draw..

my opinions of neil were very rocky at the start and i didnt like him AND IT WASNT EVEN HIS FAULT 😭 i first played dwg3 before watching anything gundam related at all (and then started by watching 00); i didnt know which lockon stratos was in dwg3 but he was kind of annoying to me </3 and because i couldnt tell them apart i just supposed it was neil and hereby disliked him 😭 well . that one was lyle but i found that out later ... thruout s1 i slowly got to like neil more and more and by s1 finale i was absolutely crushed . my opinions on tieria may also be foreverchanging, but one thing we share for sure is that we hated neil till he died then just didnt anymore </3

chris i liked a lot from the beginning because of how easygoing and nice she was with everyone, and in more ways than one she reminded me of myself 🥺 i also dont really see very often characters that like coding or technical stuff & are extroverted & like fashion so this felt like a win for me.. finally... some representation (real). this all and her whole thing with weekly crushes is so 😭😭 when she first saw johann and got a pic with him IMMEDIATELY and thought he was hot n then got sad that he was evil and fucked up was so me 🙏 so with how much chris meant to me & how they basically replaced her with mileina that i do not like for variety of reasons was my personal 9/11 for this anime

now besides these two i also hold quite literally majority of all characters in high regard. i love patrick a lot for being funniest guy around & kati his not bayonetta badass wife ... i dont usually do shipping but theyre really so cute together i always go 🥺🥺🥺 when they were just happy together. saji and louise too !!!! the whole story with how their relationship changed and evolved was so great and i was hooked. marie is absolutely one of my favorites in terms of backstory & the peak of s2 to me (yes ... despite the innovators because i didnt like a lot of handling of them 😭) — i really didnt care all that much about soma in s1 and then they elevated that so hard in s2. i am not a person that holds family things in high regard due to my own personal bad experiences, but besides her backstory with allelujah, the scenes between her and becoming smirnov's family were always so dear to me whenever we got them 🥺 this was also really just from a little side thing of the extra s2 chibi animation, but that scenario of them all taking a trip to heaven and marie making andrei talk to his parents and them getting all together was so sweet as well i love loved that one ...

despite it all, i also truly believe graham is best boy of the entire 00 series. this guys so peak i dont even know where to begin; the bond between him and his other squadron members was so good. it was a real shame they kind of had to go 😭 his love for the flags was also so real... and this guys VERY good at what hes doing, like my guy could fight off whole gundams with gn drives in some far underdeveloped flags. i know some people didnt like the turn they went for with him in s2 where he became weeb supreme but i thought it was so funny 🙏 MR BUSHIDO LOVE. he also got a super cool custom ms so i gotta give it to him ... all & all as well, this guy then sacrificed himself, died a hero, and was so cool he just came back to life to become a new meister. how can any other guy in this beat THAT ☝️

for the rest of meisters, i am sorry everyone. i did not care about setsuna that much </3 i acknowledge him and his greatness and how much hes helped multiple people here, but whenever they just wanted to mirror setsuna and saji i always ended up being more interested in saji im sorry 😭 ; allelujah is a little guy i just felt sorry for the entire time for literally everything . all the way from the start from the debacle with tieria that was so crazy to the hallelujah struggles to then having to also struggle with soma 😭 this guys just the real struggler. the supreme struggler of all time. i hope he gets some rest he really needs it asap ; lyle i used to not like because of . how he even started off in the scene with feldt </3 AND I LOVE FELDT like get ur hands off her omg ... but he did grow from then and i think hes pretty epic now, him killing off ali was also super satisfying in the end of it all :)

for the rest of ptolemy, talked briefly about feldt above, i think shes great but also her changing crushes between meisters was so funny 😭 like you go girlie i guess ... ! she tried her best . her holding the crew in such high regards as her own family was very wholesome 🥺 LICHTY 😭 lichty was so funny too and. well. LIKE I GET IT i get the drama that went down in s1 but i wish it didnt have to end like that skllwmegj😭😭😭😭 i wish theyd just have a near death experience and then him and chris could just get to be happy together after but i guess not 😔 sumeragi & kati's intertwined backstories we got to know more of thru s2 were really cool to see, and billy's love for her punched me and kicked me into a wall. this man loved her SO much its unreal . hes such a good guy 😭 (which it kind of ticks me off he ended up with mina ........... LIKE COULD YOU GUYS NOT FIND A MORE NORMAL PERSON FOR HIM 😭 i think he deserved better but thats just my personal opinion ... im sure theres a lot of people out there who want mina right NOW and would disagree. so this ones for u guys . if u think shes epic and cool then i guess he got peak ! good for him) ; other unmentioned members i had no real big opinion on 😭😭😭😭 i sometimes even forget lasse exists i am sorry . hes done nothing wrong just left absolutely no opinion on me 🙇‍♀️

now im not gonna detail THE REST as well but again i literally hold everyone in high or at least neutral regard from ali to whatever the name of the a-laws blond evil guy was im sorry 🙏 the only two i can even say i dislike in the slightest are mileina and alejandro 😭 which is such a duo out of every character in this to tie together . i know . but yeah i hope you enjoyed the sumi rambles 00 NO INNOVADES edition 👍👍 i tried to be as true to myself and my opinions as possible so heres all of them . on paper. digital tumblr paper

#this is so long help me #the sumi rambles

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atomicpoetrymusic-blog · 2 years

Text

So I was asked via my last post to write more about Rina (thank you, izzyneedsabreak, I don't know how to do all the technical stuff to connect to your page, but you gave me the confidence to write more).

I also wanted to say, before I start, that this post is specifically about Rina. Any other character mentioned (basically just Nini and EJ) has their own arc and own relationship dynamics, but this post is focused on how they impact Ricky and Gina. This is already a long enough post as is, and I can't be bogged down with extra info, or I'll be here all week.

So here goes nothing. Buckle up, Wildcats.

The best thing to start with, I guess, would be the overview of each season's primary Ricky/Gina relationship status:

season 1 - the beginning, the understanding, the intimate bond, which is then severed by outside forces

season 2 - the disconnect, Gina's pining, Ricky retreating back into safety and a time when life was easier with Nini

season 3 - the reconnection, Ricky's pining, Gina focusing on her first boyfriend in EJ, reforging the intimate bond

An important thing to note about Rina, and this will come as no surprise to Rina fans, is that they are, from the very beginning, established as the outsiders, and the ones who incite a majority of the main plot in s1. This is why people keep coming back to the Troyella parallel, because this is basically the whole plot of the first High School Musical - outsiders to the East High theatre come in and shake things up, while also developing romantic feelings for each other. While I know Tim Federle didn't initially think about Ricky and Gina romantically, when seen through this lens, it felt almost inevitable.

Also, Joshua and Sofia's chemistry is off the charts, and I love that the writers recognised this and used it to their advantage. The fact that it surprised even the people writing the show that Rina could be a thing, just makes this relationship that much more special - because it wasn't planned, but developed naturally, without intention, and feels that way, too. It feels real and earnest, and is quite unique in this respect, especially for a Disney show. I also like that they kind of nod to this phenomenon in the 3x08 final scene - "You weren't the plan, you were never the plan. Plans change."

The most important thing about Ricky and Gina and their dynamic is the synchronicity between them, and that all roads lead to the other. I know parallels are slightly overused when discussing these two, but honestly, it's the best way to describe how they can both simultaneously be in sync and in disarray. They both went through the same things, but at different points in the story (eg. the pining when the other is in another relationship). This all comes to a head in 3x08, where they are finally in the right place to admit their feelings about each other, to each other.

Another important aspect to Rina is the difference between second choice and second chance. In season 1, after they form their bond, I have little doubt that Ricky and Gina would have ended up together anyway, if not for Gina moving away. She removed herself as an option, and Ricky retreated back to Nini in an attempt to find comfort in something familiar.

In the s2 flashback, I think people sometimes forget that Ricky JUST got back together with Nini, while also believing he would never see Gina again. She wasn't an option at the time. And again, in s2, Gina removes herself from the situation, and makes it clear to Ricky that she doesn't want to talk to him (and he gives her the space she's asking for). And then, in s3, when they are reconnecting as friends, Gina is, again, no longer an option because she is dating EJ. Ricky does his absolute utmost to respect that, and even actively tries to help her in her relationship with EJ.

In comparison, second chances means that the option is available again. In the song 'Second Chance', Ricky's line in the bridge is "begin again". We now know that he meant 'begin again' with Gina, not Nini. And then, when they finally talk again, Gina asks if they can "start over". While not consciously knowing all this would entail, it represents her second chance with Ricky. As we know, Gina 'never does things right the first time'. This is their second chance to get it right.

I also want to talk about the other two members of the love square: Nini and EJ, in regards to how the writers use Rini and PW to show rather than tell that Ricky and Gina are better suited to each other than their respective first partner.

With Nini, for Ricky she represents things as they were. She was comfortable and safe, because he had known her his whole life. In s1 and s2, Ricky is going through a lot of change in his home life, and he is clinging to Nini in s2 in an attempt to find stability. He wants everything to stay the same. However, Nini is trying to figure out who she wants to be, and Ricky actually starts to smother her attempts to do this, in his desperate bid for things to stay as they are. They come to a natural, mutual decision to go their separate ways, as they don't like who they are becoming when together.

Ricky's arc is about accepting change. There are far too many moments that prove that Gina represents change to Ricky, so I'll go with a classic: their first on-screen interaction in the skatepark. Ricky is in a place he is familiar and comfortable with, and ready to quit the show - and then he talks to Gina. She tries to persuade him to stick with the show - yes, she had ulterior motives, but she admits in the Homecoming car scene she really meant it when she said he makes a good Troy - and he listens. This decision changes Ricky's trajectory from skate rat trying to win his girlfriend back, to fully-fledged theatre kid, and finding he actually likes it. So, when his embodiment of positive change is suddenly ripped away from him in 1x07 with Gina moving away, it is only natural that he would place negative connotations on change afterwards, and this is why he retreats back to Nini.

With EJ, for Gina he represents the safe, comfortable option. He showed up when she was in trouble, and made her feel welcome when she was suffering. The problem was, he didn't stick around. His answer to Gina was constantly that he'd get to her later, which is not what she wanted or needed to hear (in contrast, I noticed that Ricky says to Gina, "its about the journey, not the destination"). Having spent her whole life being pushed from pillar to post, without a say in how long she could stay in one place, Gina needed to have that stability she craved in EJ, but due to EJ's own uncertainty about his future, he just could not provide that for her. Ricky, meanwhile, could, and proved it in s3 (eg. saying he'd do the wildcat cheer for her, night or day).

Gina's arc is about finding balance. For Gina, Ricky represents the stability she's been looking for her whole life, while also being the dangerous option of putting her emotions on the line. He was the first person to truly accept her for who she is. He repeatedly proves to her he wanted her in his life (eg. constantly texting her after she moved away), despite her pushing him away. Ricky, for Gina, is the embodiment of perseverance, something she has been seeking her whole life. And that scares her. (see: 'Second Chance' - "I'm safer when I'm on the run").

Another major Rina subject is that of growth, especially in regards to Ricky. As I previously said, Ricky's relationship with Nini wasn't exactly the healthiest, even before they broke up the first time around. His love for Nini was fairly immature and selfish, in that he wanted her all to himself and for her to stay around forever. This is understandable - it's his childhood best friend, his first love, they're both still just kids, figuring out who they want to be. But, it didn't allow for growth.

With Gina, especially in s3, Ricky has proven how much she has changed him for the better. Season 1 Ricky actively tried to break up EJ and Nini, and inserted himself into Nini's space (theatre) trying to win her back for himself. Now, we contrast that with his behaviour with Gina. He listens when she asks for space (all the way back in s2, as well, when Nini was basically all he thought about), and puts Gina's wants and needs above his own, actively supporting her in her new relationship, despite how much it hurts him to do so. The only time he willingly let his emotions come to the surface in s3 (before the finale), was when they were singing 'WDYKAL?', and he was pretending to pretend. He's so selfless when it comes to Gina, he would do just about anything for her, especially in his pining era. The Kristoff/Anna parallel is incredibly strong here.

Gina, while being younger, doesn't have as much visible growth as Ricky does because she was already pretty mature for her age. She knows what she wants, and isn't afraid to say when something is bothering her. She's the one who comes to Ricky to confess her feelings in the flashback, she's the one who initiates the kiss with EJ, she's the one who initiates the breakup with EJ, and she's the one who confesses that Ricky is the one she wants in 3x08. Gina's growth is more internal, simply based on the fact it is about finding inner balance. I think, her growth comes from the acceptance that she doesn't have to keep pushing to make things work - she accepts how she feels about a situation much more readily now, and is willing to walk away if need be. And with Ricky, in that final scene, she didn't need to.

In conclusion, the writing for Rina is honestly some of the best I have seen in a long time. Their romance grew naturally, while also building upon their established character traits and struggles, embodying maturity and growth and true love, portrayed by two fantastic actors with astonishing chemistry to boot.

I can't wait to see what's in store for them in season 4.

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s3 #rina #ricky x gina #ricky bowen #gina porter

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chirpsythismorning · 1 year

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Hi. How do you think Byler will happen in s5? I mean with Mike and Eleven and then Mike and Will?

I agree with a lot of bylers that Mike and El are probably going to break up at the start of s5.

Some fans even speculate they already broke up off-screen during the 2 day time-skip at the end of s4, which is definitely possible.

Either way, I think it's likely they’ll settle things right off the bat because that’s just how the Duffers roll.

Think about how when it came to the whole Nancy/Jonathan/Steve Love triangle, they made sure to always have Nancy be (at the very least ambiguously) separated from Steve before her and Jonathan teamed up?

In s1 it was a little more gradual and subtle, but by s2 they jumped right into the nitty gritty, having Nancy and Steve’s conflict at the very beginning, which then in turn allowed viewers to focus on Nancy and Jonathan’s relationship for the rest of the season.

And so, Mike and El ambiguously breaking up at the start s4? Only for Will and Mike to go on a road trip in the desert for the rest of the season?

That, in and of itself, is proof enough that they want us to consider looking at Mike and Will as being a possibility, as this is literally a technique they use for introducing new romantic pairings.

Although s4 byler operates throughout like s2 jancy, it ends like s1 jancy. At the end of s4, Mike’s monologue tries to make us believe things are perfect in paradise, which parallels quite nicely with the way Nancy and Steve being thrown back together in the s1 epilogue tries to make us believe things are perfect in paradise for them as well, only for us to find out at the start of s2 that this wasn't at all the case.

Which is why I believe that s5 byler has to essentially follow the same formula as s2 jancy again.

Because at the end of s4, we’re left in a spot where we’ve had all this build-up for Mike and Will, and so if they are ending up together, and are even perhaps going to be spending a good portion of time on screen together during the last season, it wouldn’t make sense to have all their tension be riddled with the audience feeling icky because Mike and El are still technically together, for the same reason it never would have worked with Nancy/Jonathan/Steve.

What I think is interesting about byler though, is that technically Mike and El’s break up was so ambiguous, that we don’t even know if they actually got back together?

Like we keep talking about them breaking up in s5, but I honestly wouldn’t even be surprised if the writers frame their confrontation in a way that acknowledges them as having been broken up since Lenora and having stayed that way.

The only way I could see them dragging out the ambiguity of Mike and El's romance, is if the audience knows they're not together anymore at the beginning, but we're seeing Will assume the opposite until near the end. That's the only way I feel like it would work though, because otherwise all of their scenes wouldn't feel right. And it definitely needs to feel right.

After years of dancing around Mike and Will as a romantic pairing, they need to make it clear that they want us to be rooting for them. Which is why they're likely to continue following the formula they've always followed.

But the thing is, Mike and El's break-up in early s4 is equally as ambiguous as Nancy and Steve's break-up was in early s2. They didn't outright say it, but one of them couldn't say I love you to the other, followed by that same person going on a trip with someone who has feelings for them... This means that s5 can't get any more ambiguous than that (especially considering Mike and El's own history with breaking up as it is). There isn't much in between in there, and so that's very likely how it will go down from what I've gathered.

TBH, it all largely depends on how they address Mike’s monologue, I guess. Technically El didn’t seem too happy about what he had to say, and so why would would they even be back together because of that?

That might also explain both Mike and El’s behavior once they returned to Hawkins. It’s not that his monologue didn’t work even, it’s that the monologue in and of itself wasn’t Mike saying, “Hey I know you broke up with me, but please take me back,”. And even if it was, El was the one who was implied to end things between them in the first place, just like in s3. Which is why in s3, it required her confronting him to address things in order for them to get back together. Which means we would need her confronting him and verbally confirming that she wants to be back together (again). But we didn’t get that at the end of s4...

If anything El is in the exact same position Mike was at the end of s3. He told her how he felt, but she didn’t get to say how she felt and now things are kind of left in the unknown. I think luckily it's very likely El knows Mike doesn't feel about her the way he's trying to convince her and everyone (and himself) he does, and so she has no reason to play along in getting back together the way Mike felt obligated to between s3-4. That’s also why I think she is going to be the main catalyst for them ending things, because the ball is still in her court and I highly doubt she's going to say i love you too (too)... If anything, she's going to dump his ass (again).

Regardless of how it plays out, I see that happening fairly early on, most likely between 5x01-5x02.

I do hope we'll also get to see El actually acknowledging byler in a way that is substantial, before it’s out in the open and obvious to everyone else in the story.

Something I only realized recently, and what I find very interesting, is that we don’t really ever have El acknowledging Will and Mike’s friendship... like, at all.

Besides that one mention in her letter at the start of s4, that’s the most we’ve got since s1 of El actually acknowledging their relationship (and in those few cases, she wasn’t really acknowledging it). It’s as if her perspective of her relationship with Mike is worlds apart from whatever she views Mike and Will's relationship as being.

And so, how convenient that the first time El is really going to be looking at them, she’ll finally be seeing them for what they truly are: not platonic whatsoever.

When it comes to byler and how that will play out throughout the final season, my take on things might be a teensy bit controversial...

I think that something is going to happen at the end of 5x02 (bc of some foreshadowing/just a feeling), a huge cliffhanger, possibly related to Mike and his presumed death (he will resurrect don’t fret).

I’m leaning less towards him dying and more towards him sacrificing himself in some way related to the upside down. I don’t see why they would foreshadow him going there so much if he isn’t going to end up there, but also it seems weird to even emphasize him going in the upside down if it’s already presumed to be leaking into Hawkins, like it doesn’t even seem that scary for Mike to be stuck there in that scenario? So maybe it’s a gates being closed at the last second situation, with him then him being stuck there?

I do think Will is likely to join him, though this is where the controversy comes in.

I think Mike is going to be out on his own, most likely between 5x03-5x04, with the cliffhanger at the end 5x04 (vol 1) being Will finding him/joining him somehow. This means 1-2 episodes of Mike and Will being completely separate-- GASP

Because of the foreshadowing placing Mike in the upside down, notably, and yet still shortly BEFORE Will, is why I see it happening this way. Though, none of this rules out Will confronting Vecna, as I think a lot of evidence points to the fact that s5 will start off in a way that will place Will's connection with Vecna at the center of it all. This is also why I think they have been heavily implying s5 will focus on will a great deal whenever they talk about s5, bc it's a lot less spoilery for them to give us crumbs for what early s5 entails vs what late s5 will entail.

And so I do believe 5x01-5x02 will largely involve them planning and executing their plan within the first official phase of the now impending apocalypse. And this phase will no doubt impact Will in a tremendous way, arguably the most. The Duffer's have referred to the first few hours of s5 in a way that almost made it sound seperate from the rest, which is kind of why I'm intrigued to place Mike's presumed death/sacrifice at this point that seperates the first few hours from the rest. Where near the end of Will's sort of confrontation with Vecna in early s5, Mike is going to be the one taking the brunt of the effects of that.

This could also parallel nicely with the ending of 1x03 when they find Will's body. Considering how much they've talked about going full circle back to s1, it would be interesting to see a cliffhanger that resembles that one from The Body in particular, because it's honestly so painfully beautiful that I think a future scene paralleling it might be the end of me.

Regardless of my wants and dreams about how exactly this could all play out, I think that the cliffhanger for 5x04 is likely going to involve byler ending up together in the upside down, reunited after being apart for some time.

I should also say that I do indeed think S5 could be split into two volumes again (most of my theory is based on that assumption, so if that ends up not being the case, lets just pretend this never happened).

I think this because just in terms of promotion, it’s easier to get consumers to buy things when the hype is still there. They have numerous collaborations they do with businesses with like Doritos, Sour Patch Kids, JanSport, and dozens of others. And I am willing to bet the sales were a lot better for products with ST slapped on them during s4 than previous seasons, solely bc of the fact that the hype lasted for months as opposed to maybe a month at most.

Not only that, but with it being the final season, the show is going to be gone forever after this. It's over (minus the enigmatic spin-off). So it would make sense for them to stretch out the very last run for as long as they can. The split also gives the Duffers more time to edit episodes in vol 2, all while vol 1 is premiering, just like they did for s4.

And also just like s4, I think this approach creates a necessity for a cliffhanger to create hype in between. And I think that’s the perfect opportunity to hype of a reunion for Mike and Will after them being apart.

We’ve seen that separating them allows us to see more clearly how they feel about each other, especially Mike in s1 (and then how that impacted their relationship in s2).

And so if we were to get Mike, in canon, on our screens, everyone and their moms watching, acknowledging his feelings for Will, I do think it would make sense for him to be alone and thinking through some things, and with us sitting along for the ride.

And so them being apart for at least one episode is a given, because that will give us the excitement that comes with seeing them having those realizations while they are apart, followed by the excitement and anticipation that comes with them being face to face again.

This would also allow the second half of s5 to scream s2 byler... just let that sink in.

Considering all of the foreshadowing singling out Mike and Will in particular in regards to the ud, we could be seeing them alone together for at least 1-2 episodes, though I still think during this time there will be some tension and denial going on. Maybe they fought before they initially got separated and things are still awkward despite them being relieved to be reunited. Or maybe during this time is when their final boss fight happens (paralleling their 3x03/4x02 fights). I do think that the denial is likely to be on Will's side mostly though post reunion, as we haven't seen their relationship from the perspective of Mike being in the know and Will being clueless, and so we're due for at least some of that before they get together.

But in all fairness, the likelihood that they’ll be surrounded by danger in the apocalypse, means a lot of their time together alone will most likely be spent in survival mode. I do think this would then be what the Duffers foreshadowed happening in s4, with byler in Jonathan's room in front of the upside down tapestry and then on the upside down couch in the cabin. (Not to mention, the Duffers saying s5 being inspired by LOTR: The Return of the King feels like pretty obvious hinting at Mike and Will in the upside down, with them being paralleled to Sam and Frodo already. So, there is indeed a lot to go off of here, all pointing to them being isolated, on a dangerous journey).

By 5x07 I would hope they’d finally be reunited with the others, but I think it’s still possible they could either be by themselves or at least hopefully interacting with a few other people at this point (Murray is going to pull up on them at some point, it is inevitable). I do think that this will be the episode that gets more serious in terms of leading to the inevitable...

Yes. I am a Mike and Will are going to officially be canon at the end of 5x07 truther (the grid the st writers posted on twitter agrees w me). I could definitely see their first kiss happening at this moment, seeing as the kiss in and of itself would be what's telling us they're together now basically.

For people that think 5x07 is too late, i'm sorry, this is just how slow-burn works. Their first kiss happening in vol 1 of s5 would be too soon, but it would also be too anticlimactic for them to wait for a first kiss until the very very end when they're happy and together in the epilogue. And so it’s most likely we'll get an almost or multiple (between 5x01-5x06), then a first kiss(es) in 5x07, and then maybe if we're lucky again during endgame goodbyes in the finale (5x08).

We know that the Duffers have said they have the last 30 minutes or so very clear in their heads, with them planning a bunch of endings for different characters, along with David saying for years that the ending is really beautiful, and so I have a good feeling that at least 1/3 of the series finale will be fluff, with a dash of bittersweet mourning, assuming at least one major character doesn't make it out alive. That thirty minutes or so will likely be used to just close off all those storylines nicely in a way that feels as satisfying as it can possibly be considering.

If there's anything I do feel confident about, it's that I think byler will end the series being framed in a way that’s quite similar to the ending of s1, where it acknowledges them as being connected to the party/dnd in a substantial way again, along with their other friends/family, but also with the two of them having their own little world separate from the others within that.

And El will also of course be a part of their life, with her family (as a sister/daughter) and friend, and yet with her too finally having her own world separate from everyone and being content with that. For so long she's been running away from people hurting her and as a result she's had to depend on others just to survive. I think she's always believed this was the only way for her and that because of this, being alone was a bad thing. When in reality I think she's going to come to realize being alone doesn't have to mean she's running away from someone or running towards someone else. On her own she's still worthy and she's more than enough. She is her own superhero. And she shouldn't have to feel less than just because she doesn't have to depend on others to dictate her worth for her anymore. She dictates that herself.

I hope (fully believe) they'll all find happiness!

#stranger things #byler #elmike #stranger things 5 #st5 headcanon #ask #when it comes to all the other characters #i really want to do theories about them too #like i notice that dustin is always wearing stuff that's like curiosity/travel related?#like he's always sporting things with planes on them and like maps and stuff...#that's so interesting #i am excited because even though we read so much into byler there's still so much more beyond that still to discover #i have a good feeling we'll get a parallel to the party playing dnd from the end of s1 at the end of s5 again #with lucas and dustin and grica going HELL YEAH! and will smiling and mike just looking at all of them so bright and content #and then max and el barging in at the end like okay boring lets go see x new movie in theaters #and then lumax has their date just like they planned #elumax thriving with max in between lucas and el both explaining the movie to her #with mike and will doing their thing #with dustin and steve hanging out on the other end beside #and robin and VICKIE?#for legal puproses #this is all one big headcanon #theory who?#i hope i'm wrong about at least 89% of it bc i actually do want to be surprised #i'm really confident about el and mike calling it quits early s5 #and mike and will being in the upside down alone at some point mid s5 #and mike and will getting together/kissing at the end of 5x07 #i'm pretty confident about those just bc it makes the most sense #but who knows they could do something totally different and make me love their version even more than mine!#they've done it before!

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