#i don't understand how people with social anxiety survive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kneelingshadowsalome · 26 days

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How does Minotaur!Konig handle an argument with his wife/his wife being upset with him? He clearly avoids making her upset as much as possible because he loves her and only wants to see her happy, and she loves and accepts him as he is, quirks and all so I don't really see them getting into fights but maybe he gets way too reactive and violent with someone in town over a perceived slight and she gives him the silent treatment on the way home or something. I feel like he'd be so sad even if she only didn't talk to him for like an hour 😞 I can also see his insecurities/abandonment issues coming into play, he starts overthinking and makes it a whole big thing in his head and meanwhile she's already forgetting that she was even upset with him. These are just my thoughts but maybe you have something else in mind/see it playing out differently!

Yes absolutely!!

Minotaur!König cannot cope with this shit at all. The last time he did something “bad” ended in him being thrown into a cold, dark Labyrinth. Even as a grown man he goes straight into survival mode if he sees that he has somehow disappointed his beloved 💔

His wife knows how König is so it would take a lot for her to visibly show she’s upset with him. Our bull tries to avoid chaos as best he can which means arguments between these two are extremely rare — but they do happen! Because one thing you must know about all versions of König is that they think they’re always right. Minotaur!König is just as thick headed as the rest of them so if he thinks that “his cause is just” then he will stand his ground no matter what. He will claim that water is wine if he thinks it’s so!

Some petty perceived insult directed at his wife could get him riled very easily, could get them both into trouble because König won't cool down before he’s drawn blood. He wants to give this poor soul's head to his wife, on a plate if possible, and if he can’t do that the tension just won’t go away. How can life go on if he hasn’t done what’s right??

She has to guide König in social situations and explain later what it was all about, what different phrases mean and how he can’t just kill people if they don’t behave the way he wants them to. In some ways, she knows she is dealing with a child and has to be patient, how could this poor man know how to behave when he lived underground all those years? All he was taught was that he’s evil, unwanted and ugly, so the last thing she wants to do is hurl blame at him and scream. Silent treatment would totally be one of her ways to show him he didn’t get points home this time, but for König even the tiniest distancing looks like she’s abandoning him. Throwing him mentally into a tiny tiny Labyrinth, telling him he’s not wanted, that he’ll never be loved :(

And poor König doesn’t know what to do and how to be, for a while the anxiety threatens to take over. He reaches for her hand, then pulls away fearing she doesn’t want to be touched. He tries to talk, but nothing comes out because he doesn’t entirely understand what he should apologise for. He stands in the middle of the room and watches her blow air on the coals and just go on about her day, thinking that the time has finally come when she tells him to get out of the house.

It takes years before König takes the initiative in reconciling because he simply doesn’t know how to do it. Blunt, pained statements such as “Are you upset with me,” and “You’re disappointed in me” are common before he learns that the world is not going to end even if they’re not happy with each other all the time. His wife is usually the one who comes to him and says that everything is okay and that she was only upset with what he did, not with who he is.

Just imagine this adorable goof being both stubborn in his "I don’t have to say I’m sorry" policy and crippled by his "Are you going to abandon me" fear 💔 How can you even be angry at this man? There’s no chance, especially when he’s a jerk only once or twice a year 🩷🦬

#minotaur!könig #he's so 💔💔💔❤️‍🩹❤️

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1eoness · 11 months

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CHANGE.

cw: re4remake leon... just a lil more rude than usual. covers very sensitive topics: theft and surrogate prostitution (not mentioned), SUPERRR NOT CANON.

nsfw cw: DUBCON i think? (always practice safe and consensual sex) (slight-enemy smut idfk) dom!re4remake leon kennedy x sub! fem/afab-reader. size kink, creampie?? spit kink?? squirting?? mild degradation, pet names, feminine terms... straight up porn tbh i dont even know BRUHH WTFI DONT EVEN KNOW THE THINGS I WRITE

[to clarify, i am a minor (17). anyone <17 and anyone >17 uncomfortable with interacting pls dni]

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ ♡ ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ ♡ ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

synopsis :

your job is simple. as long as you exploit and delude the men at the top of the social pyramid, ada sponsored you with her safety and training. though, your naivete made it easy for ada to convince you that you weren't just some dirty pawn stationed in a particular estate—which happens to be leon's next mission area.

when he encounters you to perform your arrest, leon prays to any god up there that he has the patience not to mess you over for turning into the person you've become today.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ ♡ ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ ♡ ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿

"— just listen to me, damn it!" leon scolded as he tugged onto the metal that strung your cuffed wrists together, cutting your retorts off with your abrupt grit of pain. your insistence of denying his chances without hearing him out made you more irritable than you already were. "you have no idea what you're carrying. you're gonna start a fucking epidemic if you take that anywhere near ada, you understand?"

it was understandable. you were carrying a formula. some unethical, potent 'opium' derived from a variant of the t-virus. freshly baked by some ex-umbrella geeks, it was marketed to be an effective drug, planned to be distributed to some sort of paramilitary in spain to modify their strength to inexplicable heights (which was proved to be false, yet some arrogant virologists insisted it had potential, so unethical 'scientists' wanted to get their hands on improving it). that's all you know about it, anyway.

leon's true nature behind his words rooted from the fact that he was fucking worried for you and it's not only because of the position that ada put you in right now. that enigmatic woman, treating you like some guinea pig and you couldn't even see it. it surprised leon that you were even alive.

leon knew you way before ada discovered you in that dark junction, before you dropped out of police academy without a word and went back to your old ways of 'getting through life'.

leon was your role model. he was the first one to make friends with you while you stood 'incompetent' in that academy.

but people dug their eyes in you because of your history. all it takes is a few facebook searches and some names for the other fellow cadets to define you using your past. and when the awareness rose to leon, he was the first one to defend you.

the eidetic memory of you; you were sat on a hall bench with his jacket hung loosely over your dropping shoulders, gripping an unopened water bottle that turned lukewarm. your fingers felt numb from the tremors of anxiety, and the broodingly saddened look in your eyes.

he was knelt in front of his dear friend, trying to reassure you that people can change, and you were already making those efforts. his thumbs held your palms when with a serious tone, encouraged you into promising him that you will never change; because you are a sweet girl and you never deserved to be shamed for something you thought was your survival. within this promise, he also promised you that as long as you kept your self-faith you will never go back to what you hated being. you should've seen how genuine his smile look when you chuckled sheepishly, the flush on your cheeks earning a double reasoning.

and now, it pained him more to realize that he regrets not making another promise, one he held back from saying that night. don't leave him.

a very selfish, unwarranted yet passionate part of him believes that you'd been so cruel to him, abandoning him like that. and now you want to leave again?

now you're being reprimanded by the cop who you looked at like he was a hero.

where was the bright cadet in those eyes, the one that looked up to him?

and it was just great of you to articulate further on how much he underestimated your stubbornness."i'm slowing you down. if it's not me (who will escort the sample), it's gonna be ada. you thought she was a one-man job? that you can somehow negotiate with her because you guys fucked once? my god, have you ever changed?-" out of being so naive? but the words don't follow because he knows you were going to say it.

leon's hand slid from your back to grip harshly at the back collar of your shirt, lifting your chest up from the table abruptly. he locked eyes with you, hidden tension bubbling the air like odorless toxins. he scoffs, and his low voice turned deliberate as he tried to spell the irony out for you. "ada. doesn't. work with people. she uses them, and you're not some 'special exception'."

and it's true, he knows it all too well..

"she uses... people like you." you were quick to correct him indignantly with a struggling breath. leon knew nothing about you and ada. ada was like a big sister to you. she taught you what you couldn't learn at police academy. she understood where you came from, and she knows the lowest moments in your life. but leon knew all of that too, didn't he?

"you know why?"

he scoffs. "enlighten me." and there was a subtle increase of tightness in his grip, eyes narrowing down at your bent-over body in anticipation.

"'cause you're a fuck up, kennedy."

upon hearing your quips, he thought maybe he should add a small noise of pain to it, because he flushed you further against the surface with a force that hinted irritation. he had enough of this pointless hissing. "listen, y'little bitch..." he gruffed with the mere frustration surging his voice. he's probably never addressed a woman like that, but oh, how people can shift within the span of their emotion. "you have the sample, now tell me where it is. and if you have it, then you know what to do."

leon wasn't confident that you had the item on you, knowing ada was most likely using you as a decoy. he didn't want to hurt you. even if you've looked like you've changed; to him, you haven't..

of course you were holding the "formula", leon was just dumb enough to think you actually had it on you. your eyes fluttered before you laughed emptily in heavy breaths, peeking over your shoulder whilst he did not let up on you. your torso was starting to fucking hurt. but so was your pride. "then come get it, rookie." you baited.

you ignited an internal burn he didn't even know he had. one that reached the peak of its abrasion.

"..fuck you." he growled inaudibly before you yelped, feet off the ground. and fuck ada, too.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ ♡ ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ ♡ ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿

if you were gonna keep acting like a brat, he was going to fuck you like one.

his hand came behind your head, locking your hair in a tight grip while you felt his tongue glide against yours in a messy kiss. an overwhelming amount of affectionate frustration surged as he propped you up firmer on that desk. he ate your whines as he tired your damp mouth out, the rising feeling of grudge-rooted sexual frustration pining somewhere inside him hotly.

"why do you hate me so much, mmm?" he gasped quietly for a breath, his hand letting go of your hair and holding both sides of your hips, hastily pulling your pants up mid-thigh. he needed to be inside you, he just needed it so bad..

"cause you're .. hhah.. y-you've become too cocky f'your own good, kennedy-" leon scoffs at the sight of you drooled up with the trails of mixed saliva. you're sure that's not you? you could've fooled him, you were fucking sopping—trails of your essence sticking to your underwear. it made him moan low in desperation. he wanted to lick it all up. "is that right.." he muttered with utter lack of amusement as his cold thumb glided over your fluids absentmindedly, spreading one fold apart slightly to get a better look. his eyes soften, breath hitching knowing it's gonna feel so good inside you.

"d-definitely too cocky!-" you insisted with a contrast whine that emitted from your sweet voice, expecting him to start off with letting you adjust to his tip first. but you're hopeless for thinking leon would ever go soft on you just because you only remember the "naive" version of him years ago. people change, right?

you were suddenly squirming when you felt him fill and thrust into you thickly, humbling your little cunny as it pulsated. dumb little bunny, leon thinks to himself, watching you start to fluster and retort weakly beneath him with your ankles on his shoulders.

his hand comes up to your head, smacking your cheek swiftly. "shut up. shut the fuck up." he growls, eyes narrowing mildly, holding your cheeks with one hand as he pried your little mouth open. his thoughts were so guiltily dirty, wondering how cute your throat would look filled with his cock. he'll have to try another time, though, wouldn't he? for now his ring and middle finger deliberately slide into your tongue, savoring the minor 'hhnnn' that lolled out of your sticky tongue as your eyes peered up at him glassily.

the words 'fuck me' were written all over your eyes when his gaze locks down to yours. and could he resist such a pretty baby?- why were you so pretty?

it's a shame that you made so much effort to treat him indifferently, calling him by his last name and all...

your vision felt cloudy given that you were full of leon. but you catch glimpse of the way he smirks at himself before he leans down much closer to your face, folding your legs over and not giving a fuck if it hurts. the simple shift in angle had you crying out as his tip grazed over the right spots.

he spits a string of saliva down into your forced-open mouth, hoping it would furtherly aid in getting you to shut up over something so trivial. "so fucking dirty..." his fingers gently traced your bottom lip while he whispers with mock-disgust, yet it's laced with affection- a twisted pair of feelings that has him needing you at incalculable rates.

his hands come down to the exposed flesh of your hips, fingers dipping into your skin as he holds you still on his girth. it felt even better when you could feel his bulging size rub up inside you hastily— the way he was fucking you fervently and not letting you get away. you're never fucking leaving his sight, or his mind.

"h-how's this for.. uhh-..nngh.. being cocky? huh?" he groaned roughly after stammering with the embers of his frustration. leon's frustrated that he can't speak without stammering, so he takes it out on you with punishing thrusts that have you sobbing louder, mending his ego by ruining yours. he's stripping your pride away with each push into your sweet spots.

you gave in, vulnerable as you started to blabber from the way you were getting your breath knocked up. "hnggghh.... ahh!-.. l-leon!~ n-not there!-"

"there it is.." he mutters to himself sweetly mid-fucking-you-full. you're finally talking to him properly, how cute.. "more, baby?" he taunts with a struggling moan but he doesn't let you react; the only reaction he wants is you reducing beneath him, proving it by his fingers bruising your skin as he rammed into you in a desperate pace. "ngghh uhh.. fuck-" he whines loudly, your hole squelching uncontrollably as he fucks the juices out of you with every sweet drag of his sensitive shaft.

you turn him so soft he hates you for it.. he has such a soft spot for you, doesn't he?

"fuuck, this pussy's.. so good.." his eyes were half-lidded, moaning adorably before whining about the fact that he's about to spill a load inside you. "f-fuck, 'so good, please- mnnnnghh- aahh!~" his voice wavered, still driving his cock into you as he breaks through his limits and makes himself whimper gently, tears softening his eyes.

oh but his poor baby, creaming around his shaft so quickly and relentlessly, only to continue being rutted into like a little toy ♡. he coats your sweet little hole with his cum, flooding and painting it all over as his tip poured deep inside of you with a thick, milky warmth that pooled on the varnished wood.

you weren't even speaking anymore, your words melting on your tongue. he doesn't understand a damn thing you're saying but he doesn't need you to speak, he just needs you to feel good.

"fuck... uhhhnn!~.. fuck me, please, baby.." he blathers before he found himself whining at the way your cunt pulsates, eyes teasing at you subtly while he holds your cheeks together in his domineering hand. he doesn't even pull out much, just shoving and grinding his girth into your creamed-up cunny and making you endure the crushing pleasure. his hands scramble to push against the back of your thighs, folding them to let him fully fill up into your already deflowered, milky vulva.

"n-no, g'nna- leon!" your mind goes into total shudder as your back arched, having him hold your hips in place as you started to gush all over his stuffy girth.

"ohh, mhmm.. that's it, sweet girl.." leon knows you feel good, seeing you cry flusteredly while he still thrusted in you to lengthen the feeling of you cumming. he tore at your pride, pulling out the vulnerable version of yourself he hasn't seen in a long time. especially when you reach up for him like you wanted a hug. that did it for him.

he leans down to pick you up, your legs dangle tiredly around his waist. he's sorry to whoever's bed it was that he laid you down on. he whimpered softly into the fabric of your shoulder while trying to regain his stability. you could faintly feel him pepper tame, short kisses on it mindlessly.

he nuzzles into your skin. "you wanna be a good girl f'me?" he murmurs into your neck breathily.

"mhmm.."

"then get on your knees." leon lets go from holding you—letting you scramble onto all fours.

he stuffs himself back inside your sensitive hole like he's aching for it, making you wail with struggle. with your legs aimlessly sprawled on either side of him, he makes sure you don't stray from him by holding your hips again. the flesh spilling between his fingers as he pulls you closer like he's scared you'll run away. his hips move irrationally, wanting to make sure he's hitting it good, all the right spots again, just for his baby. he's so sensitive it starts to throb, masochistic urges as he overstimulates himself ceaselessly.

"hhhngh... you can't just.. come around- and then leave- like it's nothing!-" leon babbled whiningly between his forceful thrusts, his pace increasing with incessant speed. you could feel his fingers nimbly moving through your scalp, leon's hand holding the back of your head down onto the fluff surface where your cute little cries of pleasure went in vain.

you couldn't take it but leon made you, his constant rutting inside you even after cumming doesn't pause. he's suffocating this way but he doesn't even care. he's so loud behind you, fucking into your messy cunt like it hurts real good.

his attention is divulged slightly when he sees a little glow on the pocket of your shirt. how didn't he spot that? his hand snakes over your breast, fingertips swiftly snagging the high-tech vial and shoving it somewhere in his remaining clothing.

you yelped. ada was going to kill you. "h-hey!-" he notices you trying to look behind you but his hand is quicker, turning your head forwards with a gentle grip of his hand. he muffled your face into the sheets with the force of his hand holding your head, and he snaps his hips faster just to have you all adorable and crying for him again. "y'c-can't take tha-" oh, but what were you going to do about it?

he starts deliberately making up mistranslations of what you wanted to say. "mm, what's that, sweet girl? you want more?... oh, i know, baby, oh shh.. i got'chu, you're so good, huh? uhhuh.." he encouraged amidst fucking you back into a state of distraction, a hazy smile to himself while he considers his mission accomplished.

#straight filth.#leon filth.#leon kennedy x reader smut #leon kennedy smut #IM SORRY IKTHIS IS INACCURATEBUT IM TRYING #leon kennedy x reader

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mcflymemes · 1 year

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MISCELLANEOUS SENTENCE PROMPTS * collection #9

i just wanted to take another look at you.

next time, you can clean up your own mess.

come on, let's go dance.

i will make you so sorry for what you've done to my family.

it might be done now, but it was beautiful, and it was real.

you felt it. i felt it. don't lie.

maybe we're both gross inside.

it's the same story told over and over, forever.

everyone in this bar is talented at one thing or another.

that's just the truth.

are you fucking kidding?

i felt like we had a secret, just the two of us.

i hate the fact that you wore a football jersey to dinner.

you're afraid to be alive. you're afraid to live.

i do this! time after time after time! i do all this shit for other people, and then i wake up and i'm empty! i have nothing!

just look at me while you do it.

we took down some very big guys.

i would never say anything bad about your father in front of you, but your father is a sick son-of-a-bitch.

thank you, by the way.

i saw the way you were looking at me.

this place never felt like home before.

you can fuck me if you turn the lights off, okay?

i was trying to be romantic.

the art of survival is a story that never ends.

you're a conformist.

you know what? forget i offered to help you.

can we stop at the library?

i have a ring on my finger. we have a child together.

don't repeat that... but yes.

don't you understand what i'm trying to tell you?

i'm not supposed to be talking like this.

i'm gonna stay here a few days.

i'm sorry that i ever met you.

keep your voice down.

the car's a little dinged up.

you got any other questions?

i opened up to you, and you judged me.

you forgot where you were going in the first place.

could i ask you a personal question?

we have a very unconventional chemistry.

why did you order tea?

did you ever have to find a way to survive and you knew your choices were bad, but you had to survive?

you have poor social skills. you have a problem.

i don't sing my own songs.

i get anxiety when i have to meet people.

do you feel that? that's emotion.

we're not exactly friends here.

have some respect for what i do.

what you have right now goes way beyond just this.

i just don't feel comfortable.

i could get used to this shit.

you don't have to show it to me. i've been looking at it all night.

you're full of shit.

i'm telling you the truth.

if i really wanted to fucking bother you, this is what i would do.

you might not have experienced the shit that i did, but you loved hearing about it, didn't you?

you wanna go back to baltimore?

humanity is just nasty and there's no silver lining.

what's wrong with my hair?

who's that? who are you with?

it's really amazing what you're doing.

let me just touch it for a second.

don't make such a big deal.

you're a hypocrite.

can i tell you a secret?

i can't begin to explain that.

i love you. i knew it the minute i met you.

i think you might be a songwriter.

just get the hell out of here.

it's not bullshit! i read it in an article.

maybe that could work.

you say more inappropriate things than appropriate things.

nobody ever asks about you, huh.

did you just write that now?

there will always be a part of me that is sloppy and dirty, but i like that, just like all the other parts of myself.

maybe its time to let the old ways die.

you didn't do anything. it's not your fault.

if i don't say this then i'll never forgive myself.

all you got to do is trust me.

how am i being rude?

i haven't dated since before my marriage so i don't really remember how this works.

you want to get a drink sometime?

i'm not flirting with you.

you gotta pay attention this time.

you had nothing to fucking say.

why don't you have another drink?

let me walk you down to your car.

you're just fucking ugly.

i won't do this again. i won't come and find you.

you know, what i'd like is for my boyfriend to love me.

we have to change the color of your hair.

have a good one.

i think it's pretty fucking good.

the world will break your heart ten ways to sunday.

what do you want me to play?

you gotta be careful.

what are you trying to say?

can you forgive? are you capable of that?

i thought you were doing it.

i used to think that you were the best thing that ever happened to me, but now i think that you're the worst thing.

#rp starters #rp memes #rp prompt #rp meme #rp musings #roleplay memes #roleplay prompt #roleplay meme #writing prompt #askbox meme #ask memes #rp asks #ask meme #sentence starter #sentence starters #sentence starter prompt #mcflymemes #misc

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aisaariel · 9 months

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PAC : Anteactae Vitae

aisanakismet | tarot, intuition, channeling | july 23, 2023

important! Hello, this is a past life pac brought to you thanks to a lovely vita requesting for a pac on this topic. Please keep in mind that each pile is a general reading, so not every aspect of the pile will resonate.

Piles go from left to right, top to bottom. Top row, from left to right is piles 1, 2, 3. Bottom row, from left to right is piles 4, 5, 6.

Deck used: Howl's Moving Castle Deck!

reminder! This reading has been quite difficult because the people on this blog have had a variety of past life experiences that are very different from one another, therefore making it harder for me to focus on one common energy. Please focus more on what you can take away from reading that particular pile! Though your past life might be different from one another, the lesson you may have to learn from your past life may be similar to one another!

Pile ONE

The Soldier. Some of you may have experienced lots of different hardships in your past life. I see that your whole life, you didn't really feel fulfilled in any shape or form. There is a loss of hope and a loss of the appreciation of life. There is apathy and a general sense of disappointment. Your life has been full of competition and battles, not being ensured any sense of safety. To you, your goal is to survive another battle and another day. You lost your sense of motivation long ago, and what motivates you to stay fighting is the love you have for your home and your loved ones. You look to your good times as a sense of comfort and find a reason to live on another day, fighting the enemy. Though, what do you get from the fighting, the loss, and the torture in the end? "Will this ever end?" you think. "Will I ever get to go back home again?" you think. You face a harsh and cold reality - one where you kill or be killed. You lived a lonely, lonely life. And as a result, in your current life, you might have a constant sense of fear and anxiety of being abandoned or leaving home. You might be very attached your home and your loved ones. You feel an immediate responsibility to care for those you love, but you don't understand where that feeling comes from. You may find that you make an effort to be courteous and caring, but lots of what you do for others don't go recognized, just like how the soldiers were regarded in the past.

Pile TWO

The Broken Soulmate. Some of you may have been well-off in your past life. You were outgoing and passionate, and many regarded you as a reliable and admirable leader. Those who worked for you always looked up to you and followed your orders because they had faith that your judgment would lead them to greater honor, prosperity, and stability. You were known for your leadership, your intelligence, your ability to be understanding even during situations where one may find it very hard to do so. Then, it happened - you met your Queen. You met your partner who was oh so charming and social. You could not take your eyes off of her (going by what i see; not meant to gender anyone). She kept you on your toes, she made you go insane, crazy. She turned you into a teenager who couldn't control themself. She made you blush, she lit you on fire when you thought that you would never return to your old self again. She turned you back into an immature young brat who liked to go out and play, joking around with friends and messing around. Every time she looked at you, it felt like she saw straight through you to your very soul. You knew it was true love - it was love at first sight for you. You pursued her. You loved her, you cherished her. You showed her what a great person you were with your wealth, success, credibility. With your honor and fame. You showed her that the two of you were destiny, guided by the stars, the universe, celestial beings, whatever she believed in. The two of you gave the vows of marriage and lived happily, that is, until a competitor/ other figure schemed the death of your love to break you, to make you fall. You thought that the two of you would live so happily together, but she left your side not long after. You couldn't protect her and the guilt killed you little by little. You were heartbroken. You lost a part of yourself the day that she left your side to the heavens. Therefore, in your current life, you might find that you can't really trust people in your surroundings no matter how close they might be to you. You always yearn to find that "someone" in life and you can't help but feel hopeful that there is someone out there waiting for you. You feel like you have to find someone, it's like your soul knows that you're meant to meet again in this life because you had wished for it so much in your past.

Pile THREE

My Love in a Distant Star... I sense young children in here. In your past life, you may have had a soulmate grow up with you in your childhood. It felt like when the two of you were together, the world didn't seem as frightening or impossible. The two of you were inseparable and everyone in your surroundings knew that one day, the two of you would end up together and live happily for your whole lives. The two of your had great teamwork, had the same plans and mindsets. The two of you were each other's place of security and comfort. The two of you knew that you both loved one another and promised one another to be at each other's sides no matter the circumstances. That is, until something unexpected happened. It was as if the universe was separating the two of you. There was no way out of it. I sense two maternal feminine energies. There is the mother of your soulmate ended the relationship between the two of you. She may have been unhappy with you for whatever reason. Your mother couldn't do anything to salvage the relationship. There was nothing you or your soulmate could do either. You were heartbroken. And so were they. Though in the end, you started anew, a new life in a new place, far away from where you had spent your days with your soulmate. Then one day, you look up at the sky. "My Love in a distant star, I wonder how lives thee. Though we weren't meant to be, living parallel worlds, I hope in another distant star, again we'll meet." In your current life, the idea of soulmates, twin flames, and such may have always interested you, itching the back of your mind in ways you cannot explain. You may have a feeling that your soul is seeking someone but you don't know who. But it seems like yours and your soulmate's souls dearly wished for a meeting in the next life. Look around and see if you meet someone that feels strangely familiar to you. The moment the two of you meet, there might be a sense of recognition.

Pile FOUR

The Pioneer. For this pile, your guides are saying that it is not time for you all to look into your past lives at the moment. We have two cards talking about the beginning of a new journey. Do you feel directionless? Do you feel like you don't know where you should be going in life right now? That is not without reason! You are gifted a sword to wield from the heavens, meaning you have been gifted a special skill or talent. Look into yourself and use your intuition. Where do your greatest strengths lie? Did you feel pulled to anything in particular growing up? Trust the pull. You are a pioneer, Pile 4. Use the divine gifts that were given to you and pave your way into the unknown! To add on as a side note, for this pile, we might have people who are relatively newer/younger souls. That isn't a bad thing! You have so many experiences that you are yet to experience. Buckle up and get excited for a long adventure!

Pile FIVE

The Unfulfilled Love. It seems like some of you had a complicated love situation going on in a past life! Some of you may have faced many different conflicts and heartbreaks in your past life. You may have had a person in mind that you regarded as your wish-come-true person - the person that you truly wanted to ended up with. However, life took its turns, and you possibly decided to settle down with someone else, thinking that that would provide you lots of stability in love and in finances. This is completely understandable - let me provide an example. In Twenty Five Twenty One, the main leads loved each other lots but chose not to end up with one another because of the realistic difficulties between them. The female lead lived a life where she felt neglected by her mom because her mom prioritized her career over family life. The male lead was in the same profession and showed the same signs that the mom did to the female lead, triggering her past memories and making her feel that the relationship just wouldn't be able to work out anymore. That is why, though the two leads loved one another, they chose to separate for the betterment of each other's lives. I think you faced a similar situation where you had someone you dearly loved, but you knew that the two of you being together would be unfulfilling for the both of you in the end. No matter how much you look at it, it just didn't see any way of working out. Therefore, you settled down with someone else and it did provide you the life you had wanted, opposite of the many trials you had to face in the past. However, you were always looking elsewhere - you were always looking at the one from your past that you left. You may have always regretted your decision to choose someone else. In your heart, you felt that you kicked away someone that you believed you were truly meant to be with. So in this life, Pile 5, reevaluate what might mean more for you. Would you go for someone you truly love knowing that the both of you will go through so many difficult trials together? Or will you go for someone you don't really love, but one that can provide you the life you need and want? This form of reflection is required on your part!

Pile SIX

The Thinker. In your past life, you were always a thinker. You always thought of the future, wondering what would become of you. You perhaps envisioned a future where you can be truly happy with a loving family and home - since that wasn't provided to you in your childhood growing up. You may have grown up in an unhealthy environment where you were always having sleepless nights full of stress and worries. All you may have wanted was just a small break from all the heartbreak and misfortunes, but it just never may have ended. As a result, from your childhood years, you always had wished for your future adult self to be at a much better place. However, from what the cards seem to be telling me, it seems like there were many delays and setbacks from you achieving your future dream. Perhaps it was because of a broken relationship with a past lover that you truly loved. Perhaps it was due to financial difficulties or an overwhelming amount of work. Perhaps it was due to a sudden death. Whatever it was, your guides aren't providing that many details on what your past life was like. All I can sense from it was that it was difficult and full of negative thoughts and feelings on your part. I just keep getting the sense that you dearly wished that you would never experience a similar life as your past life ever again in future lives. So in the your current life, you are asked to look at what makes you happy. What are things available to you right now that will lead you to a future that makes you feel fulfilled? Work hard towards that. The "you" in your past life worked so hard for it but couldn't achieve it. They're cheering you on in this life and hoping that you'll work hard towards something that'll make you truly happy because past life you understands how frustrating, angering, and saddening it can be when you're not allowed to have the life you want. Don't be afraid of others' judgment. Just go for what you want to do. Do what you love.

#aisanakismet #pick a card #pac reading #past life

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psychelis-new · 2 years

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pick a pile: "Dark shadow"

take a breathe and choose the photo/number that calls you the most to read about the darkest parts of your mind and soul, and what type of shadow work you may be called to do. -it'll probably be followed by another reading that will give you a different insight on the same subject-

This reading may be triggering for someone.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. Also, you're in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 - 2

3 - 4

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

As in your pic, you may still not feel able to fully live and enjoy. You feel like you're watching life from a window, really not taking part in it or being the real protagonist of your experience. This may have something to do with a past trauma, maybe related to your childhood: e.g. you may have grown up into a difficult and/or emotionally unstable household, in which you had to be (even unknowingly) in charge of your caregivers' emotions, and to avoid bad reactions from them or being harshly judged by them or someone else, you may have even started renouncing to experience some parts of life that you would have loved to. This is making you feel alone and "put aside" even in your friends'/colleagues' circle (if you have). This has nothing to do with you, it's just something you need to understand, deal with and heal. Try to be more open with yourself about your feelings, and also with others: let them know what are the deepest reasons you're declining their invitations (it could be this trauma, it could be you're not feeling good, it could be social anxiety... anything -the situations here may vary, take accordingly-. Just don't be scared to open up and scare others or make them worry. It's okay. Ofc, if you don't feel like being this open with someone you're not comfortable with it's fine too, but at least be it with yourself and work on this, even with a professional if that's the case). There is this need to start looking at your emotions and feelings differently from how you've been (unknowingly as well, maybe) taught to, maybe sit with yourself and check from where this emotions, this avoidance feeling, this fear, has been born from. What is it really scaring you? What are the reasons? And would it be really so dangerous (as your anxiety/trauma/fear wants you to think) to just try to be your life's protagonist for once? Evaluate objectively the pros and cons, and make your decisions. I do think our minds and emotions, when they get the best through overthinking, twist our life experience a lot. So trust me when I say things aren't half as bad and impossible or difficult as they look to you right now. Give it a try, you have no idea how well thing may turn out to be in reality. Give yourself the chance to get out, be you and have fun, you deserve that. Teach your mind and your anxiety, that there's no real danger in that. That you'll be able to survive. You deserve to try, to live fully, to enjoy, dear beautiful sweet soul. You're not your trauma. For some, it may be related to romantic relationships: you may be scared of intimacy or scared to be vulnerable. Sadly, that's what is required to be, to have an healthy and safe relationship. Trust your guts. And also, take your time: you don't have to rush things just because you want to try something and you have the chance and blablabla. Sit with yourself: regrets can be hard to deal with (and you know, seen how many times you may have renounced to things instead of speaking up and ask to try).

songs: diving | art school girlfriend; forward motion | daya

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pile 2

Pile 2, are you maybe wearing masks? To adapt to the people you're around? I'm getting slightly manipulative energy from you; not with a bad intention ofc, you just want to fit in, feel acknowledged, feel accepted. You probably missed this in your childhood, or had to fight/be perfect to get praise. You probably couldn't always get what you wanted, and may also have a difficult relationship with money (you may have been taught how important they are, that you need to save them and not waste them on unnecessary stuff). Truth is, others cannot say what really is unnecessary for us: when it comes to recognizing our worth and the work we've done, it's okay to give ourselves accolades, no matter if we have to spend a little (I mean, ofc be mindful about how much you're spending - I'm not telling you to go out and use all your money on random stuff; but a small self gift every now and then could simply increase our self confidence and enhance our focus towards our goals. I mean, it makes us feel good, right?). Take time to look inside yourself, look at your fears, end the conflict you feel inside. Some of you may be scared of being known for the person they really are: there may be sides of you that you don't accept or don't like, or even better, that you think others won't accept or like cause they are "socially awkward" (I mean, what is that even? Aren't all we a bit awkward? That's okay, it's what makes us different :)) Anyway, take time to check what are these sides of you about, if they're really that bad (heal/change them, if you need so -for yourself, not for others-), or if they're just okay and only give more character to your person. Start following your heart, your passion, be you, with no fear of sorts. You're given this chance to end this conflict, to end this trial and be free, do you accept it? It's gonna be great, trust me. Find your emotional balance and just end this cycle. Isn't it stressful as heck to keep thinking how to act with each person, and having to check them in fear of judgment before opening your mouth? I mean it can be a useful tool in some occasions (maybe work), but not when you have to deal with your personal life. This doesn't scream "healthy relationship" (especially if you ask for truth to the other party), don't you think? Some of you may have a dark side related to love/romantic relationship/18+ stuff. Maybe use that in a manipulative way. Please, try to understand that that too is not very healthy (it's not a matter of likes and dislikes which ofc it's something between you and your partner, but the manipulative factor I'm talking about) and keep it under check. (Also, this is true the other way round: don't let anyone manipulate you or force you into doing something you don't wanna do cause that's a way that leads to self betrayal and hate: you don't deserve it. Stand your ground, don't let others get the best of you: you're not being unkind or selfish, you're respecting yourself and others need to respect you too).

(there might be a message in pile 3 as well, check it if you feel so)

songs: babydoll | ari abdul; i wanna be yours | sofia karlberg

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pile 3

You may be feeling like your efforts aren't paying off. No matter how kind and avaiable to others you are, deep down you don't get back what you are giving. It's becoming kinda stressful/unbearable. You don't know what you're doing wrong, cause you're giving all you have and others still not evaluate you the way they should. I think this may have to do with a generational/ancestral trauma, probably on your "females" side of the family (could be simply related to the feminine energy). You've been taught that is good to give, understand others, be nice, be a good person ("good girl" I heard, but take as resonates though), and be respectful of others, to the point of even giving up/neglecting your needs. But something is now coming up inside of you, you need something back, you need acknowledgment (and it's right, you're not asking for too much: you're a human, you need that, as everyone). Probably feedbacks on what you did and an healthy emotional household wasn't really the place you grew up in. This made you insecure, and in need of searching for those outside your family (probably privacy too isn't/wasn't on the list). I think you should stop being so present and avaiable. Doing this, you teach others that no matter what they do, you're gonna be there for them. This ofc from you is an act of extreme kindness but honestly... it shows you're not respecting yourself too much, and so why do they should respect you and give you? Many of them don't give you back or simply use you, because you won't be mad at them for that, because you're letting them do that to you, not just once but maybe even twice or thrice. Why are you doing this to yourself? This is only causing you pain. And adding to your childhood pain. Don't let others do what they want with you, you deserve better, you deserve accolades, you deserve to get back too. Start giving to yourself first. Put yourself first. If they leave, let them: people that use you aren't worthy of being kept in your life. Keep with you only those deserving of your energy, those who give you back, those that understand where you come from and aren't scared of your darkest sides and secrets or fears. Those that appreciate the kindness you have and give. Keep your mind under check: don't let your fears and inner turmoil take over. Give to yourself first, always. So to have energy and strenght to give those deserving too. Keep sharing your light and love ofc, but do it wisely. Don't waste it all on the outside. Even if it seems complicated, and difficult, be true to yourself. Stop giving others the power to hurt you and, first and foremost, stop hurting yourself. You deserve much better, especially from yourself. If you don't wanna do something, say "no" don't be scared of the others' reaction or labelling you as "boring" or something. Be true to yourself. You only have this life, why speding it doing things others want you to do, instead of doing what you really want to do? Check this with yourself, find your road, your path. Be yourself, even if it's hard. It takes time, don't worry if you won't be able to make it right away. But start putting yourself first.

(there might be a message in pile 2 as well - especially towards the end, check it if you feel called to)

songs: sweet virginia | the rolling stones; the end | jpolnd

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pile 4

Maybe your house is being a bit too claustrophobic right now? Or your town, your nation, your family... There's some pondering about leaving, or at least talking things out, being real, standing your ground, changing your behaviour... not letting others taking advantage of you anymore. You may have realized how much your environment has been toxic only now and probably resentment is still pretty high. You are still in an energy of doubt, uncertainty... I cannot read you properly, you may be just very hurt now. And wondering what is gonna be about you, what to do now. Start breathing. And grounding yourself. Don't let your mind take over, we both know that's not good. It may take you to places that don't even exist. Be present, okay? Don't let your pain and emotions get the best of you. You have the right to feel hurt, to feel angered, and whatever other emotions you're experiencing now. But don't let them change you or get the best of you. Write them down, it can be of help in calming yourself. Write your experience, how you feel, everything. Process those. And remember half of the times, other people in our life aren't really aware of the pain they're inflicting to us: they're just "used" to act in a certain way - it's the generational trauma going on. They learnt a thing from their parents and think that that's good. And may also have inherited some trauma from that, that they do not recognize and therefore haven't acted on. Just because you can see it, it doesn't mean they're willing to inflict that on you. Shadows act so subtly many of us aren't aware of them. Not when we judge others for the fear of being judged, not when we treat poorly those who are younger/in a lower social or working position cause we've been through the same, not when we point out others' flaws (which actually are things we're insecure about in ourselves)... there are so many demons we have to deal with, and we can only learn to live with them embracing them, not scaring them away or avoiding them. Don't let your ghosts scare you nor push them away, talk with them. They may be even more scared than you and that's why some things triggers you so much, or some experiences feel so painful. Let your emotiosn out, don't store them inside or they will just poison you. And you don't deserve this. Ofc you didn't deserve the pain either, but it happened: now you can learn from it and heal, and stop it from going through your family or keep holding resentment to your family for it. It's up to you. Take your time ofc to digest it all, and be patient with yourself and others in the process cause it may be long and hurtful, but then, take action. And do it for yourself, to live better your own life. You can change your life, your story, and maybe your family's view on this matter too. Talk it out, if you feel so. Or at least find your happiness. A new start is there waiting for you. You can also be an example for many others in your same situation, but it's up to you to make a move in the right direction. Be balanced and determined. And even if things now don't look clear, stop holding onto the past. Let it go. Learn the lesson, heal, and go on (it's not that easy, I know). You cannot see what's in store for you yet, but... don't worry, you're gonna be taken good care of. You'll find your own happy family. You will be able to make it once you'll end this cycle of healing. And it's gonna be so abundant and good. Move to make your dreams come true, you're not doomed because of your past and all the pain, at all. See those as blessings to make your life better, from now on. Decide for yourself, be the planner of your life now. And keep being good as you are, the world needs that.

songs: open your eyes | guano apes; never get out | brad sucks

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sophieinwonderland · 6 months

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Hi, I'm a system and have mutliple other disorders. All "cis" if you will. I'm not here to shame anyone but I would genuinely like to know how this makes sense to you? I want to know your persepctive because I don't understand and maybe I can get some more insight from someone else. I feel invalidated when people talk about endogenic and "transsystems" because my disorder is not an aesthetic and I had to go through so much trauma that turned me into who I am today and not in a good way. It's painful and it hurts when I see people making fun of my experience by saying they've acquired their system "naturally" even though that's not how the disorder works (By "making fun of" I mean that's how it feels). It also feels transphobic to hijack trans wording such as "cis" and "trans" even though disorders are different to gender. Gender is a social construct and disorders are just not. They can't go away, they can't change. I can never get my childhood back and I struggle to be able to be myself with my Autism and ADHD, I find it hard to keep relationships from the immense anxiety I've gotten from my CPTSD symptoms and the chronic mistrust I've had to develop to survive. I guess I just want to ask why? Why you believe in these things? It's not that I hate you, I don't, I genuinely want to understand because currently I feel hurt, and upset, and made fun of in a way I've never felt before and I just want to know the logic and reasoning behind this kind of stuff before I make a judgement.

This is an old post, so it's entirely possible you've already made up your mind on these issue now. But either way, I decided I might as well answer now

Personally, I feel these are different subjects.

First...

Disorders Are a Social Construct

Not in the same way as gender or race, mind you.

Rather, disorders are bureaucratic labels tacked onto symptoms. These symptoms may or may not actually be related.

We live in a universe with DID and OSDD-1 are considered separate disorders. But it doesn't have to be like that. Maybe in another universe, they would be the same disorder.

Or, maybe in one universe, DID wouldn't exist and OSDD-1a and 1b would be two separate disorders, with DID just being the comorbidity between these two things.

Maybe your ADHD would actually be branded as a type of autism, or autism could still be considered a classification of Schizophrenia. Many psychiatrists actually dislike the disorder model, and would prefer focusing on individual symptoms instead.

Also, some disorders can go away, and some disorders can change. Well, the diagnosis will still remain, but that's more another matter of the bureaucracy. If you're depressed for two weeks, you get a diagnosis. Then the symptoms can go away for 30 years, but you'll retain that diagnosis forever.

I Think You Can Experience Dysphoria For Anything

The reason I feel how I do on transX identities is because I've seen people in the plural community with memories of living completely different lives. People who feel uncomfortable with every aspect of the body they inhabit.

I've personally felt inadequate for lacking the intelligence and education of my source.

I know some who feel phantom limb-like experiences relating to parts they never had like wings and tails.

And psychologists have acknowledged and researched BIID, where people will feel like they should have a certain physical condition.

And so I totally believe it's possible to have dysphoria for anything, including mental conditions you don't have. It doesn't make rational sense why someone would want certain conditions, but the brain rarely makes rational sense and it would be a mistake to assume it needs to.

Endogenic Systems Are Different

I don't believe endogenic systems are a result of or related to dysphoria at all, outside of transplurals.

I believe endogenic plurality is a naturally occurring condition. We can see this in the ease of which people are able to divide themselves into parts in Internal Family Systems. The autonomy of imaginary friends as children. And the fact that many unrelated cultures around the world have reported nonpathological spiritual possession through history.

Most endogenic plurality isn't people who feel like they need to be plural or feel dysphoric for being a singlet. It's just a different experience that's been largely ignored by psychology until the past decade.

I've been collecting studies on these various phenomena here:

Personally, I find the imaginary friend studies most interesting. In the past, it was assumed that imaginary friends were purely controlled by the child hosts, but more evidence keeps stacking up showing that this isn't the case and that these are natural fully autonomous agents.

These experiences have been ignored by psychiatry for a long time because they just weren't pathological, and they were hidden enough that psychiatry could dismiss them as just pretend or fake.

#syscourse #pro endo #pro endogenic #transx #transid #transabled #sysblr #rad inclus #multiplicity

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ina-nis · 5 months

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"What do you have to offer to other people?"

No. I refuse to subject myself to such thing anymore.

This is actually a really awful route to take, because it means - in essence - that your connection to others is conditional to certain behaviours of yours (and the natural conclusion one can get at is that once these behaviours are stopped, in some way or another, the connections might not survive).

Now, I do understand difficulties in navigating disabilities, being a disabled person myself (both and/but not mutually exclusive, physical and mental disabilities), when your set of default behaviours are too distinct from the norm, you become isolated. So you mask, but masking is not good for you in the long run... and you might fall on the same "connections are conditional to certain behaviours" trap.

Of course no one want to be around someone who is so negative and depressed, right? Of course, no one wants to be around someone who has peculiar tics and other bothersome stimms, right? Of course no one wants to deal with the burden of caring for someone who might need help for most things, right? Of course no one wants to deal with someone who is traumatized and has trust issues, right? And the list goes on... I could give examples all day long.

My point is, a lot of those things are not things a person can control, and a lot of those things can only improve so much with treatment so... sure, mask until the end of time and grab onto all those sweet sweet connections you crave. See how much and for how long you can sustain that without losing yourself.

Why do I have to offer something to other people?

What the fuck.

What do other people have to offer me? What benefit do I gain from associating myself with them? Are they an addition to my life or a burden?

I have learned the hard way that all relationships will crumble when your disorders go on for long enough - and considering they are incurable and chronic, loneliness is a given! They expect your "good days" to last forever, but they can't get too close because you're just "too much." That's fair, I get it!

I have nothing to offer to other people.

I don't want to offer a single part of myself to other people actually!

I don't want my connections to thrive on arbitrary rules and conditions, that I have to live in fear and anxiety of whether I'll be able to abide to them and meet those expectations.

I'm not here to entertain others, just myself. I take no pleasure in playing these social games with skewed guidelines because it just isn't worth my peace, or something to sacrifice myself for.

#avpd #avoidant #avoidance #avoidant personality disorder #loneliness #inanis post

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desifleabag · 9 months

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💌 introduction

Hi, redlipsblog here! When I use red shade on my lips it gives me immense power and energy which helps me to embrace my feminine energy. That's the reason I named my blog red lips. Also red is a colour of hate and love and I am made of both!

🎈age : 20 ( she/her ) straight

🪄 personality: INFJ. I am an ambivert who sucks at initiating conversations and hide herself through her big glasses and her hands

🌯nationality: Indian p.s #desiblr supremacy

🔮 what I write : self love, body positivity, generational trauma, mental health, women, social issues, love, intimacy etc (p.s rants>>)

I also performed at poemsindia and kommune. These were my best open mics. I also do open-mic poetry shows.

💌 what do I do? Education? Work?

I am a content writer and I work at different organizations as a youth lead .

I am a philosophy last year undergrad student. I also study psychology and sociology as my minor subjects.

📪 let's talk

I think being a poet/writer is not about a situation which made you feel that I want to be a poet or a writer. It's about self expression. It's form where you can unleash your true self. How a poet is made? From the environment they live because it influence a person's thought and that's how poets blead on paper.

Being a poet for almost 6-7 years it helped me to cope with my mental illness and my dysregulated nervous system. I was diagnosed with GAD( Generalized anxiety disorder )when I was 18 and I felt I could express myself through writing which also gave me a push to be a part of books and poetry performances. It's not easy sometimes with a lack of self-esteem, lack of thoughts and constant turbulence in your mind about writing because I don't know about others but I constantly compare myself to other poets because I think they have formed an identity through their art and I am not but that's not true. I am forming my identity I usually use to write about dark things which happened in my life but I never wrote about who I am. How this world makes me feel? I think writing helps me to form my self-identity and as a college student subjects like philosophy, psychology and sociology help me to be a better person in my life no matter how much my college sucks to teach us.

I tried multiple times to quit writing but you know right you cannot leave something which helped you to survive your darkest nights of your life because it's not easy to do anything when you are mentally struggling for a decade now but I think I want to write for myself and the people who appreciate my art. I want to find my answers while writing.

And that's all about me! A poet who is healing herself, trying to understand herself, learning about writing and simply trying to survive and live in this world.

#introduction

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butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway · 2 years

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I sort of hinted at this in my last post about how I've been framing conversations about masking with my autistic clients, but I kind of wanted to be more explicit about it here. I don't think what I'm about to say is exactly new or controversial to people, but maybe the way I lay it out will be helpful to someone.

A lot of what the mental health community and society at large sees as inherently autistic traits/symptoms has a fairly substantial overlap with trauma symptoms. The immediate disclaimer here is that I am in no way saying that this overlap makes those experiences NOT AUTISTIC, but rather, I'm saying that we likely have very little clinical understanding of what autistic symptoms and traits look like when they are not layered with trauma.

Trauma creates, removes, exaggerates, and minimizes. Or in the clinical language, there is a spectrum of positive (experiences added) symptoms and negatives (experiences removed) symptoms that come with trauma, in a variety of intensities. Finding a healthy baseline not influenced by trauma means finding someone who received support, accommodation, respect, and autonomy related to their unique existance thoroughly enough that they were able to be resilient against rare times when someone did not provide those things.

One of the clearest examples I can think of for how this comes into play for autistic people is with sensory distress. When there are sensory inputs in our lives that cause us clear pain, discomfort, distress, or other harm, ideally we would be able to find a way to move away from that input as quickly as possible in order to terminate the distress. However the vast majority of us have grown up being aware, for any number of reasons, that this is "not an option" and so instead we have developed strategies to endure intense physical and psychological distress. However, that distress rarely lessens with time. More often than not, it increases. Dissociation, maladaptive daydreaming, alienated interoception, and other psychologically distancing coping strategies become the primary way we avoid feeling that intense distress while we "endure" what causes it. This is an identical process to how such coping strategies develop in trauma cases. When there is intense psychological or physical distress that cannot be escaped but must simply be endured, the body-mind will self-alienate in order to survive. Same mechanism, different neurological origin, at least on the most technical basis.

There's a lot of places where we see this happen, this idea of the same mechanism occuring but under different parameters than it might for a neurotypical. The important thing to pay attention to about examples like the above is that there are some parts of it that are shared (the mechanism by which body-mind alienating symptoms develop and self-reinforce) and other parts that are at least somewhat unique to autism (sensory distress is not absent in neurotypical trauma cases but it tends to take on a different form/origin, and can often be reduced over time where autistic sensory distress rarely can). In the example I used it's fairly clear where the line is between trauma and neurotype. But in many other examples of "how autism presents" this is very much less obvious.

It's s a lot harder to tell for example where the line between trauma and neurotype falls for something like social anxiety. Social anxiety is a really clear part of autistic presentation. It's heavily featured in clinical conversations. But many autistic people I spoke to were not anxious until they became aware that there was something "wrong" with their behavior according to their peers and mentors. There has been some shift to the language of social deficits or difficulties instead, but this becomes highly contextual. We do not have social deficits or difficulties with each other at nearly the same rates as we do with neurotypicals. So if it's not inherently anxiety (because it often does not develop until later in life and sometimes does not develop at all), and it's not deficits or difficulties because we have no statistically significant interpersonal challenges with each other, than what is it?

This is where theory of mind comes in. The older, more controversial take is that autistic people lack ToM entirely. I'm going to be controversial myself and call that complete and utter bullshit. If anything, given how absolutely constant the psychological demand is on autistic people to make themselves capable of functioning within a neurotypical framework, we have a much stronger grasp of theory of mind than NTs. Realistically though, I suspect that theory of mind is something that everyone struggles with across neurotypes. I posit that within our given neurotype human beings are more or less able to understand and intuit how and why people think and do things. But once you encounter someone of a different neurotype than you, all bets are off. I have often described this as speaking to each other across languages. It's technically possible for two people to have a conversation where one of them is exclusively speaking Portuguese and the other is exclusively speaking Korean, but there's going to be detail and context that likely gets lost along the way, and miscommunication/mistranslation is far more likely to occur. Sometimes two people are trying to communicate across Portuguese and Spanish and it's way more consistently feasible, but then someone gets a little too comfortable and a small miscommunication gets blown waaaaay out of proportion.*

*Something I think is cool about this particular linguistic framework of cross-nuerotype interpersonal activity is that it creates the space for the idea of "learning to speak Autistic" or "learning to speak Allistic" in the same way that one learns to speak French or Japanese or Urdu. When we KNOW that we're speaking a new form of communication there's often a lot more room for compassion/assuming good faith when wires get crossed. I think that if we encourage the framework of cross-nuerotype interpersonal activity as a matter of learning new communication methodologies/types, we could potentially create a major shift towards destigmatization and inclusivity, as well as begin the work of strengthening cross-nuerotype theory of mind accessibility. If different nuerotypes have their own cultures within cultures, than learning how to engage with that culture openly and honestly becomes something that can be done through exposure, practice, and opening of the mind/deconstruction of rigid frameworks rather than a pathology that must be clinically taught how to interact with. If you don't need a professional to teach you how to appropriately interact with an autistic person than the barrier to entry of "being respectful/compassionate" is much more accessible to most, which makes socio-cultural changes easier to disseminate over widespread communities and groups.

My theory for the mechanism of social conflict/challenge that autistic people experience is essentially as follows:

Imagine that on the school yard playground all the children are assumed to be speaking Spanish, but some of the children are actually speaking Portuguese. None of the teachers speak Portuguese, only Spanish, and when something gets miscommunicated due to a language barrier, the teachers tell the Portuguese-speaking children that they are at fault because they said something hurtful in Spanish. The child insists they were speaking Portuguese and what they said was in no way hurtful, but the teacher tells them they're either lying or need to learn better manners because what they said was definitely Spanish and definitely hurtful. The child again repeats that they were speaking Portuguese and asks if they can be taught Spanish so that this can be avoided in future. The adult tells them thay they're speaking Spanish right now so that is unnecessary. This happens over and over again. Eventually the Portuguese speaking child starts to believe the adults because everyone else says the same thing. They continue speaking Portuguese to Spanish speakers and doing their best. They may even pick up some amount of Spanish along the way in order to do a better job communicating and expressing their needs. But sometimes they still get it wrong, and they can't predict when because they still don't really know how to speak Spanish effectively and no one around them seems to understand (or maybe even believe in) Portuguese. To the child, this environment becomes no different than an emotionally abusive home environment where an adult punishes unpredictably and routinely denies reality. They become more and more anxious about interacting with others as they struggle to develop a system of predicting the unpredictable. "Social anxiety" becomes a leading aspect of their presentation.

So here again we see that divide between the neurotype-specific origin of an autistic experience and the mechanism by which that experience is converted into a "common autistic presentation".

I spend a lot of time with my clients trying to figure out what their autism looks like for them when trauma is healed out of the equation. What is the difference for them between autistic and traumatized autistic? I often wonder what the diagnostic criteria would look like for ASD if we were able to effectively delineate between autism and autistic trauma. There are places where I feel like I know, spots where I have theories, and others where I honestly doubt I'll ever have a real concept of what it could look like. Part of this is that autistic people are, like neurotypical people, not a monolith. We are as diverse in our cognitive constellations as they are. It's impossible to say "this is what makes an autistic and anything different is Not Us" because brains just don't work like that. I mean sure there are trends and statistical likelihoods, but realistically, neurodiversity is truly infinite, and that means within shared experiences too.

I like thinking about this stuff though. It helps me to feel like maybe someday me and someone else can have a comprehensive and fulfilling conversation in unbroken Autistic without being afraid someone will get upset and tell us to stop.

#actuallyautistic #i have to get back to clients but i wanted to finish this thought during my break because it's been chewing away at my brain for a week

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sunspira · 6 months

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tbh the whole "i can't focus cause i'm too SMART for this and i'm BORED" is SOO annoying and i hate it cjebfjen that's the most repulsive shit but i realized it's KIND of true tho. it just doesn't feel like OH HO HUM THESE SIMPLETONS PUH i should be doing CALCULUS on david LYNCH Films. something IMPORTANT not sitting in Classe ! it's more like an overall feeling of anxiety and restlessness and sometimes dread or malaise and you don't really know why, sometimes you do find the topic interesting or see inherent value in it but can't get yourself content and engaged with it. usually because your adhd stimulation and novelty demands are out of wack

like when you're adhd some parts of your brain overdevelop to compensate for parts that are underdeveloped for neurotypical society, it's how the brain compensates when a person is blind the brain literally overcompensates other sensory processes and literally grows them while vision areas atrophy, when a person is timeblind it overcompensates other cognitive processes which is silly sounding but TRUE. resource management goes towards often used and prioritized replacement skills, meanwhile time perception and management regions in the frontal lobe that were already underdeveloped stagnate developmentally or atrophy. these replacement skills go way beyond this but part of it is relying on visual, social (tho often hypervigilence or social anxiety) and verbal cues, skills and diagrams, reading comprehension, vocabulary etc. and soon their visual or language processing skills may be very advanced for their age. and subsequently those language and visual parts of the brain struggle to find stimulation in an environment curated to earlier visual and language stages while the same environment overwhelms their underdeveloped skills

the brain is having a hard time trying to adapt to a neurotypical environment and trying to survive and working with what it's got. so one skill or skill area that develops more or faster due to just how your brain is inherently, the brain may latch onto and OVER develop a bit to the point that it is past the point of what the environment demands for and that skill is past the point of most peers. adhd craves stimulation and novelty especially when not medicated, so when major part of your brain is not finding stimulation and novelty that's hard enough as it is. but can be even less manageable when the most powerful and stimulation hungry part of your brain is overcompensated for your age and overdeveloped to an extreme degree. the stimulation input thats coming in as directed to your peer group in that class may be way below your fave brain lobe's scary bulging popeye arm level of overdevelopment and is truly feeling the effects of low dopamine which can be physical sensations of pain sadness and legarthy. you might not consciously feel bored let alone above it but your out of sync development does add to this difficulty in being "under stimulated".

and unfortunately teachers rarely understand that giving that "understimulated" kid more work to do is not the answer as adhd people have underdeveloped executive function skills and tend to thrive at a smaller work load than their peers that is appropriate to their developmental milestone with organizing and planning and breaking work into chunks and goals. so the kid gets overwhelmed and more upset. like definitely start by giving them stimulant medication and access to stim time and sensory breaks even some special interest breaks to resupply dopamine that will uh. go a long way lmao

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anime-addictt · 8 months

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Enneagram 6

Need: To find security, and support.

Belongs to: Head triad. The compliant head triad that searches, creates, or works with a support system that would help them survive.

Sixes are extremely misunderstood . Mainly because the coping mechanisms are so different for each of the subtype. In addition, because people tend to type based on a given list of features explained in books, and in other sites, a lot of 6s are always mistyped.

6s want security. They want a dependable source that'd provide them with the necessary resource when they fail to come up with a solution. They have to tendency to be over-prepared compared to 7s because they prefer knowing what they have to deal with, rather than escaping from it. They are more realistic than a 5 would ever be, because they understand that not all problems can be solved by themselves, and withdrawing and theorizing about the problem doesn't make it go away.

One interesting thing about 6s is that they are not exactly loyal in the way you assume them to be. The main object of a 6 in any situation is to make sure that they have security. Anything that provides them security, is a dependable source to rely on. So therefore, 6s are loyal to anything that can support them. This can be their ideals, religion, particular person, or a community. And they won't question it's choices. Until they start feeling unsafe in it. And once they do, the 6 wouldn't hesitate to walk away from it.

The reason why 6s are so hell-bent on attaining a support system is because of the lack of trust in themselves, and in their external environment. Somewhere in their life, 6s were made aware that they can't rely on themselves. So they tried to rely on an external environment and also realized that...it isn't really safe. So now, they just keep switching back and forth, trying to figure out the safest, and the best option for them in that particular moment.

Wings

6w5: A 6 with serious trust issues. They would much rather come up with a self-support system than seek for it externally. w5's fear of being incompetent can also make this 6 extremely learned, resource-focused, and more of a survivalist. They can be very anti-social, fearing that they might trust the wrong person, and ruin their security.

6w7: A 6 with anxiety-issues. They have a lot of trouble trusting themselves, and their thoughts regarding a particular situation. Is more prone to "if everyone is doing it, I don't see why I can't". Doesn't have trouble sticking to groups, and moving on from them once the security is no longer being met. More friendly than w5s.

Subtypes:

Sp: 6 that understands that gaining resources provides them security. They go about with it by avoiding unnecessary trouble, which can make them come off as being warm, friendly, and nice. I think the primary reason for this is that these 6 also fear that they don't really have the physical or mental resources to stand up for themselves, so they would much rather avoid a situation that would put them in that position, than directly engaging. They are also more likely to stick to a particular person, or an ideal that would help them attain their resources in the safest way. eg: Ussop, Chopper, Armin Arlert.

So: This subtype would more likely focus on creating an environment or a community where everyone together could guarantee each other's security. This makes them look like So 1, however the primary driving force behind this action is the need for security and protecting, and not anger. Furthermore, So 6 would do everything in their power to protect this environment, since they depend on its existence. Eg: Suguru Geto, Floch Foster

Sx: This is an interesting one. This subtype makes 6 to move towards the problem and solve it, contrary to how 6s should work. The reason behind this is that, despite the fear, the intensity and the need to merge with security is far exceeding. So, they end up having this mindset where they think being the more aggressive or powerful one would reduce the impact of the problem. They tackle problems head on, come off as aggressive to the point that you might consider them being 8s. However, deep down they are scared that they're lack of aggression would let others take advantage of them. Furthermore, once they realize that they are no longer in danger, they lose the aggression and pretty much go back into being like the other two subtypes. eg: Eren Jeager, Kyo Sohma.

Common Mistypes: Pretty much all types.

#enneagram 6 #enneagram #anime #so 6 #sx 6 #sp 6 #eren jaeger #armin arlert #kyo sohma #suguru getou

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bathboysblog · 2 years

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Yk what we don't get enough of? Fucked up Gordon Freeman. Not just from PTSD or being socially awkward, I want his fight or flight to kick in every single time something threatens his newfound family.

And by god, I want him to pick fight.

Rant under the cut

Maybe it's my love for dark romances, or tragic ones, for that matter, but I love the idea of Gordon hoarding his family, even at the expense of the rebellions success.

I remember back in my very first playthrough of Half Life, I wouldn't let ANYTHING touch the surviving scientists/guards. The guards specifically, I didn't even know they were supposed to fight along side you because I always backtracked to take them to safer areas of the map, resetting time and time again when something would jump out and kill them. I didn't even know scientists could heal you because I was THAT paranoid about an alien zapping in front of one of them after seeing so many clones of that pc die.

I'd like to think that Gordon has the same mentality. From physically counting the bullets and memorizing it for each enemy, saving ammo just in case he runs out, even though the case is always full, I'd like to think that extends to the people he's grown to love.

Does anyone remember the garage level in HL2EP1, where Gordon and Alyx were paired together in the dark? Him only having a flashlight while she had all the ammo? Imagine Alyx's horror when the gravity gun pushes something up against an office door, trapping her inside as Gordon forces himself through the onslaught of zombies, his flashlight clicking out while gasoline barrels explode around him. Throwing rocks and old bricks at zombies instead of just letting Alyx take them on with her endless supply of bullets, running out of sight and activating the next horde later on down the map. Alyx can only hear the signs of a struggle as Gordon clears the entire area himself, her anxiety keeping her locked away in the isolated room, blind to the mess beyond the concrete walls.

Even when power is given back to the elevator lift, when it opens and they have enough room to make their grand escape, he still fights. Fights through a pointless battle, wasting valuable time that could get them on that train faster, completely draining the parking lot of any other forms of life. Gordon's suit power is completely dead, his health is a mere fraction of what it was an hour ago, yet his impatient hands pull Alyx by the sleeve of her arm to make sure she's the first on the lift. They take even more time in the old hospital scouting for medical supply just so Gordon can walk straight again. Eating at so much of their limited time, for no sort of gain.

I'd like to think he does it platonically as well. So far, we haven't gotten any fight scenes with Eli, or anything where we work with him in a dangerous level, so that's up for debate. But, remember the level where him and Barney work together to take down a main combine outpost in the city? Taking a small rebel group with them? I love the idea of Gordon using himself as a human shield, running right for the turrets and tackling them before a bullet can graze the people who trust him to lead. How much time is wasted as he drags old bomb mines through the level, going back for each one as if they're diamonds in the rubble. Barney is annoyed, of course, he understands being cautious, but when the paranoid leader won't unplug the forcefield in front of them until each and every medkit in the area is right beside them, it's frustrating.

And the icing on the cake? Gordon's trust issues. He doesn't listen to anyone around him, too stubborn, too prideful to see the easier way. After all that he's lost, all the death he's become numb to, being the one free man is a responsibility he holds with a twisted sense of admiration. And he'll be dammed if anyone else will tell him the path to victory.

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nei-ning · 20 days

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Now that I've finished reading book about autism, let me just tell you, it was VERY eye opening! LOTS and LOTS of things which match me!

Therefor I wrote everything down and now, I'm gonna do my best and translate the list here. It WILL be long so be prepared. There's few questions where I left my own answer. Those are marked with *

Disorder without impairment of intellectual or language functioning.

"This was it!" a decision of refusing to do something anymore

Inner knowing of being autistic but still not knowing / realizing it

Anxiety, endless hole in the stomach

Sentences / words get stuck to play in the head as a loop

Anxiety feels like an another living being who lives inside you

Always felt of being different from others

No any help from anti-depression medicines and countless of therapy sessions

Trying to fit in women's most common mental health issues: Is this guilt after all, shame, too strong desire to please, super conscientious all the way to exhaustion, reaching for perfection, having eating disorder while hating her body. Maybe just chronically depressed? I'm none of these.

I don't care what others think of me

I can manage but only about those things which I'm interested in

I ignore everything boring

My human dignity does not depend on my body

Is sleeping difficult? No since I fall asleep every evening like a sauna lantern (saunalyhty)

Fear of not being believed

I can behave. I warn I can fake and maintain a facade.

I want to be honest and open

When talking, words fall on the floor and are forgotten there. I feel powerless since it feels like none understands me.

I'm often angry when others don't get it what I mean

I'm in a contact with other people more than I could handle

I like to talk long about the same subject and I don't like it when the subject it changed quickly.

Difficulties with eye contact

Hard to work together since others don't think like I.

Others' slowness is infuriating.

I don't like repeating things. Saying it once should be enough

In social situations I act and fake. I fear people.

I can't handle of being interrupted. Example: If another person on the phone wants something else than what I have in mind in that moment.

I don't like changing plans

I get tired easily and need breaks often

Few powerful objects of interest. Many things don't interest at all

Oversensitive to sounds (always wearing headphones)

I'm smart on certain things but on others completely useless

Can't survive from simple calculations or can't follow simple instructions

Challenges in routines. Taking a shower and brushing teeth are very challenging. I can manage but it's very challenging / demanding.

Everything practical and physical demands a lot of efforts

(Small) Talking is difficult since I never know what to say

Autism is caused by biological reasons and is heavily inherited

Autism is not an illness / disease. You can't train yourself out of it and there's no medication to it.

Difficulties in communication and social interaction

Limited behavioral patterns and targets of interest which can, for example, lead to it that routines are important and changes difficult

Senses can be over- or undersensitive.

Autistic has to reason that what others can do naturally

Strong sense of honesty and justice

It's easier to focus on details than on a bigger picture

It can be hard to start a tasks or end them

Most autism tests are made for MEN only

Do I like to play games? Yes (PS4 etc)*

I pay attention on cars' register plates? Yes*

Numbers fascinate me: Yes and no. (I believe in angel numbers so in that sense yes, otherwise no)*

I don't enjoy reading belles-lettres: No, I don't.*

I enjoy gathering information about different subjects, like cars: Depends (I like plague / Black Death!)*

Do I like social happenings and meeting people: No

I have to rest and recharge long after being social

Autistic girls couldn't handle changes, didn't know how to shower, couldn't get their teeth brushed, were extremely sensitive to sounds, got temper tantrums at home, slept badly and they had no friends. They were lonely girls who didn't play with dolls but broke them or only brushed their hair.

To autistic child being held by force / against their will in order to calm them is very damaging. Touch feels uncomfortable.

Autistic understands everything literally

Parents never asked at home how school day was so I learned not to speak about myself

Using words wrong infuriates

Do you feel the need to share your experience with others or is it irrelevant? - It's not if nothing hasn't happened. I don't feel I have anything to tell.

Autistic is strict about details

Music, writing and drawing helps autistic person to release tension

Autism can also be caused by "mother's coldness" which has caused child to withdraw and shutdown.

Autistic girls are handy (drawing, making jewelry, hobby) or then they like animals (or both)

Focuses so hard on drawing (for example) that forgets to eat, go to bathroom etc.

Synesthesia (seeing colors or forms when listening music, getting a taste of something in mouth from words, music, people etc. Example: I once saw a man on TV and he tasted like beetroot!)

Doesn't feel like fitting in society's roles, like how you should look

No connection to body

Periods surprise every time

Doesn't realize being sick

Eating disorder is common on adult autistic people

Connection to anorexia

Overwhelmed by sounds and lights. Can hear fridge's humming or kids outside even that windows are closed. Chat happening at the back of the bus, neighbors. All sounds flood in brains.

Remembers a lot from what s/he has heard

It's important for autistic person to control the situation

Stimming: A way to express emotions. Can appear as sniffing something, stroking pleasantly feeling items, movement (exam: dance), singing, repeating words, biting / chewing, listening sounds, pulling lips etc.

Hands need to re-learn things constantly (like how to peel potato)

Hands can survive from small tasks, not from big ones

Hate towards it you should constantly be doing something

Hard to be around people who are constantly moving, their movement(s) gets on the nerves (aka pisses off)

Doesn't invite anyone to visit them since visits are exhausting

Addiction of routines. Same food every day, each summer the same vacation destination, doing things in specific time because then you can prepare yourself for them.

Easier to understand self-made instructions

Cleaning little by little (task per day) so that housework doesn't become overwhelming

Talking rudely to yourself, keeping yourself stupid

Hard to interact with others' conversation. Usual respond is weird look and: "What?"

Fight / disagreement with a parent. Doesn't get along with father or mother

Laughing at things which others don't get

Perfect rest from sounds and movements (exam: No TV on)

Desire to intervene in matters (exam: baking) if result is not perfect

Lack of sense of direction

Unable to try new route to a market (fear of getting lost)

Anxiety which comes from familiar thing having something new or strange in it, that I haven't "grow up" but stayed "as a child".

Doesn't understand why people scream in concerts, games etc.

Difficulties of getting a female friend (for female autistic persons)

Lack of empathy

Cognitive empathy: Doesn't understand how to react in certain situations

Can do emotional empathy

Let's others decide

Doesn't have strength to go through the same things over and over again with a friend

Easier to get along with boys

Ready to sacrifice a lot for a friend

Fictions affect deeply (exam: as a learning material)

Too critical

Constant collisions and misunderstandings with people

#Autism #Nei reads #Gonna reblog this and add the rest #we are half way there!#text

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kurjakani · 25 days

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Psst! Mutual who is some kind of aromantic here, have you ever considered that you may be aromantic, or perhaps frayromantic in particular? Like, as in you experience romantic attraction, but this attraction fades after getting to know the person you're attracted to?? If you're not frayromantic that's okay too, but I thought maybe if you've never heard this term it could be helpful for you to look into it!

There are many people who share your exact feelings, and it's not a bad or disgusting thing to experience, by the way. You shouldn't punish yourself for having your own feelings, if they were something you could control through will alone the world would be full of people who only act upon logic and reasoning and not how they feel about a situation.

And studying the person you're attracted to could be your brain trying to understand what caught your interest in the first place, it could be your brain trying to protect itself from something it doesn't understand, but trying to understand other people in relation to yourself is also just a totally normal thing people do.

Chin up Kani, I hope you feel better soon! :]

Thank you for the kind words!!!; V ; Like i said in the tags of a post yesterday, even though I think im allo (as i do have a few very genuine. People ive had & have romatic feelings for, that have been long lasting, esp one) i do reasonate w a lot of aro experiences in other cases. Eg technically you're right- ive had the frayromantic experience many many times. Someone else suggested I look into lithromantic experiences and that rly reasonates w me too- i have a couple friends i technically do have rly like. Strong ass crushes on, but also the idea of actually being in a romantic relationship w them can be. Disinteresting or even repulsive. I am specifically drawn to being a lil in love w them, yearning for them, but them being my friend/other aquintance.

I do have a lot of guilt around these feelings since ajgh. Memtal eelness. But. Learning abt other ppl w adjacent experiences does make me feel a lot better

Also u r right... i think the studying ppl thing is more of a thing of.my. social anxiety. Id bet. Like im not as afraid being around.ppl anymore? Like the fear nerves don't activate? But it's still how my brain learned to work in an enviroment to survive. I hope i can... i actually. This is prolly smth i should talk abt in therapy, when i do get back in there one day. Inability to just live in a moment w ppl instead of observing them like a theatre play w themes n shit 💀

#kanitalk #ask #anon

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loveyourlovelysoul · 1 year

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How to make better types of friendships?

We all want to have deeper and better relationships, not those that stay on the surface and last a few messages, but we're not always too open for them. We also expect others to start giving to us, asking us, through our half-open doors. But we rarely initiate an interaction. Now tell me, if everyone keeps waiting to initiate, how can we actually have a conversation or even start a friendship? It's good to take a step back, open our door a little more and be the first one showing interest in another person. It's safe to do that, despite our minds sometimes tell us the opposite to cause... we fear rejection. And historically (when we used to live in tribes), being rejected by others meant basically be in a huge life threat. But things have changed nowadays. If by any chance the other person will close their door on us, it's fine: it means we're not for them. But we can survive anyway, and it will still be worth to try. It'll help us as well in making experience for when our people will come in. Rejection is okay, it doesn't mean we're not worthy of any type of releationships on a world-wide scale. We're not in danger. It only refers to one person. And do you know how many people live on this Earth, right? So just try. Contact 5 people you'd like to talk with and see how things go. But remember to show interest in them, so keep the convo going (unless the other tells you differently ofc).

We have self worth issues: we don't feel enough, we have social anxiety (to an extent), we feel like losers, not interesting, boring, too sad, too whiny... and whatever other negative adjective you want to add. If we start this way, we may even just get that: we may really look like losers or too sad or closed off. All this is never of help in letting people in and be curious about us. Start seeing yourself differently: list 10 positive traits, or things you have achieved. Every little thing counts (even getting out of bad on a very tough day, or drinking a glass of water when you needed: you took care of you, and did amazingly). Be more proud about your small achievements: we tend to focus too much on negative parts of ourselves and life, and that's cause of some twisted up self preservation habit (think about wild animals and how they need to survive to their predators: if they kept thinking about being eaten, they would never have the chance to enjoy anything, to even live. That's what we do though: we keep thinking about being eaten by some strange enormous being -that is only inside of us. So we may even fight it and show it we can actually do anything anyway and nothing bad will happen). Starting from seeing ourselves as not good enough for relationships, we assume nobody will like us. This is where we should make a 180° turn. Let's try assuming someone will like us. Let's be propositive and happy. This way, we become unconsciously more open, warmer, welcoming.. all traits that attract people in and make them like us. Ofc there will still be some people that won't, no matter what, but that's okay: we're not made for everyone anyway.

We tend to overthink about what other think, mean by saying a specific word or sentence, or with a specific act (e.g. they cancelled our meeting so they must hate me; they aren't answering immediately to my text so I have hurt them or they hate me). This is where we lose it all. Doing so, overthinking through our self perception and our own life experience (and possible traumas/triggers), we may even end up misinterpreting the other's true intentions. And forget others do have a life of their own as well, so they may even be busy studying, working even playing videogames... just living, but it doesn't mean they hate us or don't care about us. They need time to do things for themselves exactly as we do. Making assumptions about others is rarely of help in understanding them and their true intentions. So try to be objective, get away from your own point of view on a fact, and try to be neutral. Try to see the world from the other's eyes, but even better, ask. Talk. Communicate about your insecurities, fears, worries... Keeping them inside won't be of help in understanding the other, it will just rot inside of you, hurt you, possibly cause pain and mine the relationship. To be open and vulnerable, also mean be ready to have some tough convos on emotions, feelings, experiences, problems. And to be ready to say you have been wrong or have judged the others to ofast based on your own past experiences and fears. Life it's not all about flowers and candies... there's also the other side of it. But having a deep relationship based on trust and security, will help you find common ground and be clear with the other through communication. No fears. No masks. And being understanding of each others' need for space. Focus on what you can control = YOU. How you express yourself, your thoughts, your perception of who you are and what you are saying and doing. Set your values and stick to them. And also remember to set your boundaries and be in control of your ground: you can be kind and still say no to things you don't want to do. Do not people please: this won't bring you your dream friendship or relationship, but only someone toxic taking the best of you. Relationships needs to be balanced, we need to leanr to be open and giving to receive as much. It's also about respect for the other but ourself as well. Show up as the type of person you'd like to interact or have a relationship with. Show yourself what you really deserve. And be ready to only have that back. It's not being picky, is being self respectful. And ofc it will take time and effort, lot of practice, but you'll get there. Trust yourself and your own worth. Know what you need in another person, and be ready to ask for that. You aren't needy, people has needs.

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