#i dont know why im posting this

[adxrnunofficial]

these days are kinda stresfull for me cuz of my exams and i cant think straight rn im so sorry for this

also this is like…a very rare post of mine.. i dont really draw ships cuz i get too embarrassed of myself HSBDB i think im gonna die

Ill probably delete this LMAO

#I HATE MYSELF #i dont know why im posting this #tomtord #eddsworld #fanart #ship art #ew tom #ew tord

[therianimal]

Musings on Psychosis

I realize now that my vampire 'type was a product of a psychotic episode that lasted throughout 2023. That episode has ended and it's been strange having certain perspectives of myself wrenched away from me. For around a year I was, perhaps, an endel in the immediate sense, but I wouldn't venture to call myself that now. It's hard for me to define now what vampires are to me. My general fascination with them is still there, and I remember the identity, shifts, and species dysphoria I experienced acutely, but that sense of self is distant now. I'm torn on whether I consider "vampire" to be a part of myself now - I know I certainly don't with the same intensity that I felt in psychosis. For a year I identified myself with monsters, werewolves, villains, and various morbid topics, and coming out of that was a harsh experience. In some ways I am no longer the person I was prior to the episode, or the person (monster/beast) I was during. All the changes psychosis has put me through have been unsettling - having it warp and change my identity on a confusingly temporary basis has been chaotic and deeply overwhelming.

I see a lot of endels and other psychotic folk on here with presumably permanent identities and sometimes I wonder whether anyone else has had experiences like mine. Especially those with episodic conditions like my schizophrenia/schizoaffective, where severity of psychosis changes over time and there may be periods of remission. I'm medicated, now, but I don't know for sure that this will never happen again. That I will never "become" a vampire again, or become some other species my psychotic brain decides to latch on to. My identity is fluid, and only after years of confusion have I realized that this fluidity is the product of a schizo-spectrum disorder. Maybe next time my identity has a total overhaul I'll recognize it as a psychotic episode - or maybe I'll be in too deep to realize, again.

#endelity #endel #i dont know why im posting this #it feels scattered at best #guess i figured it would be nice to update about like...the biggest thing to happen in my life in the past year #this is SUPPOSED to be my designated alterhuman blog but i so rarely post content on here these days #too little spoons... #using the endel tag in hopes of finding community i guess #i do feel very alone in this #blue speaks #blue's psychotic episodeTM

[i-write-hurt-not-comfort]

ruki's brothers gift him an air fryer for christmas and the first thing he does is google how to make soup in there

#i dont know why im posting this #ruki mukami

[beetled-juicer]

I haven't posted in a while so heres a quick and awful quality doodle of beej and my sona

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice art #my ocs #self insert #i dont know why im posting this

[jusiri]

Pride flags i did not expect to find on ye olde walmart.com

None of these are actually sold by Walmart of course But its through walmart and i think they all have free shipping as well There were a bunch of other pride flags as well, i just went with the more uncommon ones lol

#i dont know why im posting this #just in case someone wants to buy a cheap flag lol #intersex #genderflux #graysexual #omnisexual #genderfluid #agender #mlm pride #gay #pride flags #abrosexual #demiromantic #intersex pride

[johnnystruant]

harvey specter could have fixed johnny truant.

#house of leaves #johnny truant #harvey specter #suits #i dont know why im posting this

[paraneil]

Smug Kel

#omori #omori kel #kel omori #omori edit #i guess #🍔 #omori game #i dont know why im posting this

[sirrat]

HAHA IVE DIDEN IT

i have no idea why im so obsessed with 333 but i think it had something to do with my short mandela catalogue phase

anyway look at that, a wonderful display of numbers

#sirrat rambles #i dont know why im posting this #do i tag this as mandela catalogue ?? #i guess #mandela catalogue

[mc-park]

strangely, as I scroll through thousands of works the same way I have multiple times before, something in me screams that Xiao's character is misunderstood by the fandom to some extent esp after the quest

is it just me?

he isn't yearning for love, like yeah he hasn't felt loving touches in a long time and maybe some humanly part in him craves for that attention

but at the same time I feel like he, more than anything, just wants a family or close friends, a place to belong rather than the kisses and hugs he never really needed or understood

it doesn't matter cuz I'm gonna read it all anyway

#i dont know why im posting this #like hes 2d #and i dont really give a shit #maybe its the locked up asexual part of me speaking #why am saying this #i indulge in it anyway #this isnt a complaint #its just an observation #i kind of want more platonic xiao #lots of slow burn #xiao had the other yakshas as family before #and he was the youngest #so what if he just wants to be doted and wishes to hang around friends like he did with the yakshas #xiao #xiao hcs #genshin imagines #genshin impact #xiao thoughts #xiao angst #xiao fluff #xiao x reader #xiao imagines

[lethalcheese]

Chaos

I made a poll but I messed up the tags and couldn't edit it, time to redo it!

The Tumblr overlords have gifted me with polls for some reason.

#vanila extract #random #remake #messed up the last post whoops #i dont post much but im posting this #tumblr memes #memes #chaos #i have polls apparently #i dont know why im posting this

[allthecoolusernamesweretaken]

I Hate Crying- 22/06/2023

TW: reference of self harm and suicidal thoughts and tendencies. notes from me: I’m open to CONSTRUCTIVE feedback to help me better my writing. Please no hate. based of my own irl experience, names changed for obvious reasons. If anyone who recognises the story and/or thinks they know me irl, no you don’t.

This a blog for me to vent and share my writing without being connected to me irl. ————————————————————————— I hate crying.

I hate the burn in my throat. The way my voice catches. I hate the way my mouth turns downwards, in a Florence Pugh kind of frown. I hate the snotty nose. The way my face gets red. 

Sometimes it’s just a couple tears, it’s more the build up and the aftermath. 

There have been occasions where I’ve had a full, Oscar worthy break down.

I cried for an hour, chest throbbing with sobs and heaves. 

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

It was the middle of the day at school. 

There’s always someone who thinks they're in your friend group, when in reality, everyone hates them.

She made jokes. Wanting to kill herself, almost doing it the previous night.  But not actually being serious about it. It was for attention.

I remember feeling so sick. The flashback to my self harm. My own internal conflict. 

I’d left. Re did my hair to distract myself.

I walked back and forth in the corridor, past my crush and her friends. 

Back and forth.

Back and forth. 

I found Ally. The moment I saw her, I broke down. 

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

All into her shoulder. 

I remember looking up. Looking up and seeing her looking at me. 

Heather.

Concern etched on her face. She said something to her friend, still watching me.

They were talking about me. I know they were.

I missed History because of it. 

I love History. 

Fucking Zoe. 

News spreads fast. That afternoon, plenty people were asking if I was ok. I wasn’t. Ally’s mum took me home. 

The next couple days for me were a blur. I don’t remember anything, just blurs of time and having suspiciously high energy, for it being aftermath of one of my biggest breakdowns. I do remember one decision I made. 

“Write letters to your crushes. Give them to Claire. Have her give them to your crushes.” My brain screamed it.

I don’t even know what came over me. Just that it was what I had to do. I couldn’t do anything until it was done.

Shit choice.

Even shittier decision to go forward with it.

An absolutely stupid and shit. The awkwardness after was painful. The way I forgot news spreads like wild fire at my school and that everyone in the year level knew by the end of the week.

I was an absolute dumb fuck. 

Why did I do it? 

By that point Heather had left me on open for four or five months.

I’d begun to lose interest in Paige.

Riley had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me. 

Absolutely fucking stupid. 

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

I hate crying over it. 

#creative writing #poetry #wlw #i have a crush #in love #love #i dont know why im posting this #i’m going to cry #i hate crying #i’m so gay #I guess it’s angsty #agnst #vent post #personal vent #venting #vent blog

[transmascnepetaleijon]

ive actually overdosed once cus i was on my period and was feeling enough pain i decided to just pop 4 tabs of medicine at once and was like "damn kinda sleepy" next thing i knew i was waking up on my bed two hours later cold sweat covering my body and a headache so strong i thought i was dying. i was fine i drank a cup of water answered a call i can barely remember then went back to sleep and when i woke up i was completely normal again

#txt #since then iver never popped more than 2 pills at once cus My God Was That Not Fun #i dont know why im posting this #ask to tag

[thermodynamic-comedian]

his name is nelson and he is the funkiest guy

#im at sitio litre where the hoes at #nelson post #i dont know why im posting this #just saw a lizard named nelson and went 'oh yeah. the tumblr hoes are gonna love this.'

[releasedfromthedream]

a few months ago i went to an in store acoustic gig, and while waiting for the band to come out afterwards so i could say hi i was looking through their records, and asked the girl next to me if she knew whether the band would actually come back out. she said she didn't know, but after a couple minutes recommended me a record to buy (garbage's self titled). i knew like one song from them, but i bought it anyway. it was £25 i think. and every time i listen to that album i think of the pretty girl from the record store who recommended it and afterwards told me where the band was so i could go talk to them

#i dont know why im posting this #idk #i just wanted to write it down #vinyl #garbage

[pinkfrog66]

How am I supposed to be a goofy guy in these conditions

#goofy #i dont know why im posting this

[ezinhiscorner]

Assign everyone in ur group a sex toy thatd theyd be if they were a sex toy

Anthony: A strap/ stronic surf pulsator @sneetsnartusonuvabitch

Avery: Rose toy/ the Kitty Cat Kegel Vibrator @thegendertheif

Smithy: the womaniser next @uncle0smithy

Alore: the magic rechargeable wand thing @alorethehaoticone

Nick: dildo/ bullet

Holly: P spot vibe

#Ant i know this was you #help my sanity #save my soul #my friends need therapy #i dont know why im posting this #i dont know why im friends with you demons #why are my friends like this #friendship #the non cis club #save ez