#i feel like this should have more tws but i cant figure out what | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

st4rrth0ughts · 3 months

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Hello!!! Since I've been reading all of ur fics especially the hsr ones, I like it so much(⁠๑⁠♡⁠⌓⁠♡⁠๑⁠) . I don't know how you got the idea of it and it makes me feel giddy. If u may , can I request: I want to do unspeakable things to Welt Yang(I main him) like I wanna mark him, bite him, doing different positions, just mating non-stop, I don't know what to add for the reader, you can add tho if ya want, but I want the reader taller (⁠｡⁠・⁠/⁠/⁠ε⁠/⁠/⁠・⁠｡⁠). This is my first request btw (I apologize if I have the wrong grammar or the text of it)

Can I be your "❄️" anon? (⁠>⁠0⁠<⁠；⁠)

bestie no need to apologise that thought is so real (btw whats your team comp i need one for peepaw)

welt with a taller baker reader from the luofu 👓🦯

tw, cw: angst (reader is dead in hi3,) i dont play hi3, food play (occasionally feeding him some chocolates for being a good boy, nothing extreme), petplay, reader is immortal and thus is extremly confused on how Welt's vocal cords are working a/n: 1. what the fuck is a honkai 2. should i play hi3 3. does anyone hate feeding and fattening related kinks??? sorry but i just- cant even try and read those fics ngl the art makes it WORSE

welt loves you. at least, that's what he tells himself, seeing your counterpart work around in the luofu's famed bakery, having been years since he's held your dying body in his arms, sobbing as the light drained from your eyes. He's snapped out of his thoughts as you shoot him a friendly grin, gesturing the man and his two companions to come in. You look the exact same that he remembered you. But your not the same person. He cant just go in and try to convince you he's your lover from another universe, he'll look like a maniac! well, it seems the months of exchanging letters and gifts has won him the spot in your heart. Oh, and in your bed, as a bonus.

Sometimes, when Welt looks at your face, he feels like both crying and hugging you. You just- looked so much like your dead counterpart, from your eyes and hair, down to the way you fucked and handled him with so much care in bed. But he knows that you aren't them, never will be, in fact. And that's okay. He loves you in his own way, just like he loved them once. The man would never lump the two of you together, because you aren't them. (blade im looking at you)

But for now, he doesn't focus on that, simply relaxing in your hold, letting you unbutton his shirt, slide your hands over his underwear, your coarse but gentle voice sending shivers down his spine. A small whimper escapes his mouth as your finger teases his entrance, while you grin at how slick he already is, at least you dont have to find the lube. Lifting his thighs onto your shoulder, and licking that sweet pussy delicately, eliciting a delightful moan from the man, fisting your hair as he tries to grind weakly against you face.

This lovely man, for someone that's 82 years old- well, in human years? You were an immortal from the Luofu, humans are confusing. That being said, from what you've read, humans are more fragile in this state. How he was squealing and crying out in such a high pitched voice, arching his back as tears spill from his eyes as your tongue ravishes his pretty pussy, you figure that he's straining himself, just for you. How adorable, he's doing such a wonderful job. and good boys deserve a huge reward! Cooing softly as you push a small piece of chocolate in his mouth, watching him swallow it as he pants softly, a delirious smile on his face.

Grunting as you gently placed a collar around the man's neck, the leash's end gently clicking around the loop, smiling as he whines softly at the gentle pressure on his bite ridden neck. Pulling the leash closer, the bell jingling lightly as you pull him in for a sloppy kiss, free hand reaching down to fondle his nipples, watching the brunette throw his head back as he jerks from the stimulation, shrill shrieks escaping the man's mouth as he begs for your cock in him, to fill his cunt with your cum. He's been doing such a good job, he deserves the final prize.

Muffling his sobs as your cock pounds into him from behind, only for his head to be yanked back as you tut your tongue disapprovingly, his mind only registering about how he was being such a naughty little puppy, and that if he does that again, you'll just stuff a plug up his pussy, and leave him there, and he doesn't want that! So he's your good boy, eyes rolling back and tongue lolling out as he makes sounds that rival the top pornographic models you've seen. Aeons- you can practically feel your cock threathening to cum when he squirts for the nth time, kiss ridden thighs quivering as he begs so, so sweetly for you.

When you finally cum in him, he wails as he creams around your cock, weakly fucking himself back on you, pupils dilating as he weakly falls on the bed, ass in the air as your seed spills from his puffy cunt, overflowing as you coo softly, in that mocking, sugar coated voice as you line your shaft with his entrance again. The sheets were already soiled with the poor man's cum and sweat, as he screams in overstimulation, babbling about how he couldn't take anymore. Nonsense. He's swallowing your cock so greedily, your not falling for that.

#dom male reader #dom reader #sub honkai star rail #sub hsr #dom gn reader #sub character #honkai star rail smut #hsr smut #sub welt #sub welt yang #welt yang #welt x reader #welt yang x reader #welt yang smut #welt smut #peepaw i wanna fuck #✪anon!

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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years

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#diary #personal #...i think i sorta kinda burnt out again....#haahhh. i hope ill be able to recover in couple days. i have things to do.#god idk what to do when i could just sleep for a year. im so fucking tired.#i cant even talk well. i hope i can after i sleep bc i couldnt bring myself to text ppl earlier.#...i hope i remember tho lmao.#ugh i hope that i can stay in bed all day tomorrow pretty much. idk if i can handle too much more stress #ugh. i rly should figure out how to deal with this. bc everything is far too much lately and i cant do anything.#drugs tw #like. the only time i feel okay is when im high. and even then im not always.#but i think it does take away some of the problems. it takes things down from like an 8 to a 4 or 5 maybe?#and it obliterates pain which is also nice. and it makes me wanna sleep rather than procrastinate it....#haaaaahhh. im just. so fucking tired. always so fucking tired. theres so much to do. so much im not doing #and theres so many doctors and things to see. ugh. honestly if i lived alone i sometimes think id die.#suicidal ideation #like. i didnt mean suicide or anything. but ive thought about it before that if my parents do then maybe i should.#i cant function. and i dont quite know why. even things i do for fun i cant always do.#so idk. im not sure what to do anymore. i just. feel like sometimes i have months or years where i cant do anything #haah and ive tried working before and ill burn out so quickly and i know that.#....i couldnt handle working so id drink every night....#i know the same thing will happen if i have to work. but. how do i get money for the things i need or want otherwise #...im scared. really scared of working. but theres nothing i can do.#i just have to fake it till i make it. and practically run myself into the ground.#tomorrow will be better. ill be okay tomorrow. i wish someone could tell me with certainty that would be the case...#god i wish i wasnt such a fucking burden all the time. i wish i could handle shit. i wish i hadnt become like her...#fuck man. im so sick and tired of this shit. im just exhausted. hah. hopefully tomorrow will be quiet.#i can tell i wont be able to handle anything more going wrong.... fuck

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rzyraffek · 8 months

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Platonic yandere yautja x human child reader

Aww dad yautja😊 I didn't write for yautjas in months!! Hopefully u enjoy it!! Also i used they/them for kid. No tw, only cuteness and wholesome dad figure yautja👹 request open

Dad yautja with human kid

Bro is confused ??? Tf??? Why is there a child here??

He either found them abandoned in middle of nowhere or accidentally killed their perents, by 'accidentaly' i mean ofc he wanted to kill them he just didn't know there was a child nearby and now he feels bad

Kinda finds human pups ugly😭 why are you so smol and loud wtf

Dad!yautja after he kinda adopts y/n he gets too overprotective! Like dude won't leave their side at all, especially when you guys are outside; dude will pick them up and just carry around.

Can't cook to save his life, he kinda set kitchen on fire. And humans cant eat raw meat, so now you are on fruit diet for now (and veggies)

Had this parental instinct to teach them everything, how to shoot, find food, basic self-defence, overall taking good care of themselfs. But he kinda likes that he has to provide for them, it gives him control yknow

When he carries them around everywhere! He acually lets them sit on his shoulders or just hang on his neck😓😍

Cant say no to those cute big eyes! Yes he will let them 'decorate' his armor (with glitter and stickers) and he will let them paint his nails and he will lisen to them gossip about their friends.

If his kid is a little artist and walks up to him and says "papa i drew you!" He does not care that he looks like a lizard nor that they didn't color it perfectly. Dude is purring, picking y/n up and he carries this drawing in pocket everywhere

Other yautjas say that he spoils them, but he disagrees! Your a HUMAN baby, i mean yeah your basically one of yautjas now but!!! Your tiny! And your skin is so squishy!!!

He had to learn how to comb their hair cuz at some point y/n simply refused to cut it (me too lil guy) and he respects them so much he won't just do something against them

Kinda wishes he could understand human body language more

Also about body language i can imagine kid just kinda mimicing yatuja body language and habits. Like dad!yatuja will say "child please go to bed its late" the kid will just angry respond with a hiss👹 "hsssss👽🦎" "?????" If yaujtas had eyebrows, he would rise them

If y/n is a girl, and she has her first period? Dude panics! HUHH WHAT BLOOD??? FROM WHERE!?? UHHHH????

Dude tries to be a perfect father figure, he tries to have similar intrests with his kid so they can connect more, but if y/n is totally not into hunting, collecting, nature themed stuff, Yautja is more than happy to catch up with whatever teens are into this days, but he will judge the hell out of tv shows (if they watch any)

I kinda forgot it suppose to be yandere so it turned out to be just wholesome im so sorry

Understands that kid needs privacy but he will just go invisible mode and lurk in shadows! Like what if somone attacks you??? Or worse! What if you meet some humans that he doenst like??? What if they will tell y/n all lies about what 'bad war crimes' he commited and what 'murderous' his kind is!! Those are lies pls dont lisen to humans

No boy/girlfriends!!! Nuh uh!! Your his little baby you cant go doing all those... things... with some human. ugh! this person probably can't even hunt for you!! Or give you nice treasures!! Or build a pretty nest!! Why would you like them my child?? Look at all those trophies i gathered for all those years! You should stay here!

He loves the fact that he lives in some wild ass jungle and y/n cant leave him due to all those dangers around, plus he loves that y/n will always stay tiny(in comparison obviously) and weak so be basically needs to provide for them! Right???

I used x reader tags ONLY to reach bigger audience

#slasher x reader #slasher headcanons #yandere yautja #yautja headcanon #yautja x reader #yautija #yautja

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az-cain · 1 year

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Hey, Cowboy (Part Two)

jake seresin x reader ≈ 1900 words

smutty smut smut, but it’s tender and sweet

TW FOR: PiV sex, vaginal fingering, in a car, but the sex is in a bed, oral sex m!receiving, poor communication for .5 seconds

As he clasped your hand in his, he slapped a 10 on the bar to pay for the drink that you had in your system. The tug he gave your hand while he looked at you expectantly shook the hat on your head slightly. A smile cracked across your face once reality had set in. He did want you, and Trace wasn’t lying. In fact, Trace was smirking right at you from over Seresin’s shoulder. As you met her eyes, Jake’s followed and saw the brunette’s expression, whipping his head around and narrowing his eyes in an accusatory expression towards you.

“No way.”

You grimaced slightly, shrugging. “Thought you hated me. It took Phee talking to me to realize maybe I should give it a go.”

He tightened his grip on your hand with a soft smile and pulled you into him, wrapping his arm around your shoulders when you knocked into his chest. “Bullshit.”

Leading you out the door, he motioned towards his little red sports car with the hand that rested on your shoulder, humming when you said his name.

You swallowed harshly, bracing yourself for his answer by staring at the concrete sidewalk as the two of you stopped walking. “Is this just gonna be— um— just the rule?” You sighed, meeting his eyes reluctantly as your fingers messed with your skirt.

He pulled back, placing both hands on your shoulders and shaking you lightly. “No! What the fuck?” He laughed loudly. “I’ve been trying to date you for months. All of the ‘you’re so interested in my personal life, I figured you’d have tried to figure it out firsthand’ meant what to you?”

You laughed incredulously, clapping your hands on his shoulders and shaking him right back. “I thought you were calling me a stalker.”

“No way.”

“Yes way. You are a terrible communicator.”

He huffed slightly and shrugged in acknowledgement as he wrapped an arm around you and started walking again. “Maybe so. But now I’m your terrible communicator, if you’ll have me.”

You looked up at him with a hum, watching as his pretty green eyes flicked down to you. “Well that depends on tonight, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, darlin’, that’s gonna be a yes.” His words shot heat through your lower belly, making you sigh heavily through your nose.

As you slipped into his coupe, he smacked your ass lightly, your breathing speeding up as you yelped. A few seconds later, he was sliding into the driver’s seat and shifting into drive. “My house alright?”

“Yeah,” you whispered, thighs grinding together subconsciously as you crossed them in the narrow passenger seat. Ever observant, Jake’s gaze flicked over to where they clenched before moving up to where his hat sat on your head.

His right hand dropped from the wheel to your upper leg, where his thumb picked up a languorous pace tracing circles. You whimpered quietly, wishing his hand would move up just a bit more. “Please, Jake.”

A smile crossed his lips, his hand moving up to the place your thighs met as he stopped for a light. “Since you asked so nicely,” he rubbed lightly along the seam of your pussy with one finger, the wetness seeping through your thin underwear slightly. You whined loudly, hips canting up towards his hand. “You’re so vocal, so good for me. That feel good?”

You nodded feverishly, and panted as you pleaded silently for more.

“You want something else, pretty girl?” His eyes returned to the road as the light flipped to green, that finger still painstakingly tracing you.

“Please, your fingers.”

He groaned, “Oh, good girl, of course.” Pulling your panties to the side, he slipped two fingers into you and you cried out, pushing against them. His knuckles were just barely brushing your clit, but it was so sensitive that it felt like heaven. Still, it wasn’t enough.

Just as you moaned loudly, about to ask for him to move, he took a sharp turn into a small gravel road that you soon recognized to be a driveway and pulled his fingers out of you, much to your dismay. Meeting your eyes as he stopped the car, he popped the fingers soaked in you into his mouth and moaned, making a show of licking them clean. You were, however, fairly confident that his hips lifting up off the seat was no act, because when he removed his now spit-covered fingers from his mouth, he was panting like a dog.

You reached for your door, eager to reach the bedroom and about to make a mad dash for the house, but he yelped your name and scrambled out of his own door, regardless of the uncomfortable bulge in his pants. When he circled the front to pull open your door and offer you a hand, you felt your heart twist. Hopping out of the car, you grabbed him by the jaw and kissed him, twisting your hands into his hair and moaning when he did. Your lips pressed tightly against his, tongues slipping against one another as you ground your torso against the hardness you felt on him.

As he broke away, you followed him, but he only allowed you two more kisses before whining, “We have to go inside, there are kids in the neighborhood.” With a nod, you let him tug you up the short set of stairs to his doorway, watched him fumble with his keys in his urgency, and finally unlock his knob and deadbolt, before he shoved the door open and let you go in first. As soon as you were in, he threw his lips against yours again, lips open and sloppy. Your upper lip pressed against his teeth as you lightly nibbled on his lower lip. He moaned against you, louder than ever, and you took note. Dropping your lips to his throat, you bit lightly on his Adam’s apple, feeling his chest heave under your palms, before yanking his shirt off to gain access to his chest.

His chest was broad and tan, and you hummed quietly as you set your lips back to his pecs, sucking a mark into the left one to hear him whimper before moving to the right, savoring his noises. After a few more marks, he pulled you up to his lips and walked you backwards towards what you knew to be his bedroom. When you reached it, he pulled off your shirt and you kicked off your shoes and unzipped your skirt to shimmy out of it before raising your arms for him. Left in your bra and panties, you gestured for him to take off his boots before unzipping his pants, stroking lightly across the outline of him before pulling his pants the whole way down.

When you’d landed on your knees in front of him, you looked up at his red face with a smile, knowing your next move. You pulled down his boxers with a moan, struck by the sight and sound of his cock slapping against his stomach: long, thick, and red, with the veins popping out and probably aching. He hissed, hand landing in your hair.

“You don’t have to...” he began, before you laid your hand on him and your lips on his head. His abdomen clenched up like he’d been gut-punched and he whined desperately, “Oh, holy fuck.”

You suckled at the red tip, hand stroking over the entire length as you started to take more of him into your mouth. His hand clenched tighter, pulling at the roots of your hair. You moaned, hand drawing up to touch his balls, running your fingers across them harder when he made a loud punched-out noise above you.

Pulling you off and up by your hair, he murmured praises: “You’re so good at that," and “Almost had me done for in under a minute, dammit.”

Swallowing down some air, you turned him so his back was facing the bed and shoved his chest lightly. “I believe I still owe you a ride?”

Nodding eagerly, he dropped onto the bed and gestured to the wall, where a mirror hung facing the bed. “Gonna sit up though, I wanna see you get split open.”

To that, you straddled his lap with a low groan and met his eyes while you positioned him at your entrance. “Ready?”

“God, yes.”

Smiling, you moved down slowly, but were quickly met with a soft tinge of pain. You groaned, burying your face in his shoulder as he pet your hair and tried to control his breathing. The pain quickly turned into a pleasurable throb and you clenched down around him, making him moan loudly. Finally, you began to bounce. His hands grasped your asscheeks and spread them, massaging lightly and rubbing his finger against where the two of you met while he groaned your name.

“God, Raptor. Callsign shoulda been fuckin’ Bunny. Look so good hopping up and down.”

Giggling, you bounced faster, wailing when he reached a hand around to rub at your clit. You felt yourself clench around him, spurring his hips to kick up into you and hit your g-spot. Ripping your face from his shoulder and burying your hands in his hair, you demanded, “Do it again.” Smirking, he placed a hand behind him on the bed, the other rubbing harder against your clit, and started to thrust up into you consistently. He kept hitting your spot, loud cries leaving your mouth in time with his grunts and groans, until finally, the dam burst. His finger pushed against you perfectly just as he thrust in and you collapsed on top of him, arms crossed on his chest as you convulsed, walls clamping down on him as he continued to push into you.

You distantly felt him slip out of you, moving above you, your arms now resting on the bed. As he slipped back in, your walls continued to flutter, one orgasm starting into the next. “Oh, fuck, Jake!” You cried, his hand slipping into your hair and tugging you up against his chest.

“Again, baby. Gimme one more,” he panted, driving into you and pulling you back, his other hand rubbing at your sore clit again.

You felt the tightness ratchet up, up, up, before it hit you again, quicker than it ever had before. “Oh, shit!” Your body fell forward again as his hips stuttered, your pulsing walls making him let go. He pushed into you one final time with a loud whine, cum leaking out around his cock, and rubbed along your clit until every last pulse was finished.

He collapsed behind you and stayed like that for a while, asking if you needed to get up and pee after about five minutes, to which you groaned sadly and hummed a yes. Once you’d returned, washcloth in hand, he was nearly asleep.

While you cleaned him, he whined quietly and almost got hard again, but you ended in time and tossed the washcloth down, sliding under the covers and making grabby hands to make him join you. Tired, content, and happy, he wrapped himself around you and the two of you drifted off to sleep.

taglist: @imsolatetothegame @kyuupidwrites @forever-sleepy-sloth

#jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin/reader #jake seresin x you #jake seresin/you #jake seresin smut #jake seresin fluff #jake seresin x f!reader #jake hangman seresin fluff #hangman x reader #az writes

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alsoitsjunie · 8 months

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PATRICK HOCKSETTER X FEMALE BULLY VICTIM PT. 2

ITS MORE THAN BULLYING NOW.

patrick x reader bully victim

again, overall tw and the same ones as last time. also the reader has only a mom in this, so sorry if you don't have one or you dont like yours.

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its been a few days, and i genuinely cant figure out what patrick was talking about on friday. what did he mean by 'im real and i think you are too." what does that mean? of course patrick is real, nobody that sadistic could be fake, but then what did he mean that i was too? god why does he have to be so mysterious all the time? i just want an answer to all of this..

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i try and shove it to the back of my mind, as i walk downstairs to make something to eat. jesus this is weird. im kind of glad he decided to do that yesterday, so then i could have the entire weekend to think over it. this is so crazy. i have no idea if i'm more nervous to go back to school now or not..

my mind was going 100000 miles per hour as i stretch on my tip toes and grab a box of cereal from the cabinet, and then the milk from the fridge. there was a note from mom on the counter next to the fruit bowl.

hey honey,

i had to go into work early to help mike with a project. maybe go to Emma's house later, but i wont be home until 10 ish. there's a pizza in the freezer.

love you!

i slurped cereal out of my spoon as i read the note and smiled to myself. i should go to Emma's house. i haven't seen her in a minute and it'll help get my mind off this whole 'patrick' situation. i nodded in agreement with myself, then put my empty bowl in the sink and went back to my room.

i fixed up my bedhead, and then grabbed a pair of jean shorts and a large t-shirt, and my chuck taylors. i took a glance at myself in the mirror and sighed, mentally scolding myself for the shit I've let happen over the last 5 years, like i did every morning. i'm so stupid. so vulnerable.

whatever.

i shut off my light and closed my bedroom door, then went downstairs. i grabbed my house keys off the hook next to the door, and then closed and locked it behind me. i felt uneasy the whole walk to Emma's house, constantly checking over my shoulder. eventually i got to Emma's and her mom let me in, and i was thanking god that Emma only lived about two blocks away.

me and Emma spent the day together. we went to the convenience store and got slushies, and then to the park where we met Jonathan and hung out with him for a bit. once the day few by, and the streetlights started coming on, we all agreed that we should go home before it got darker. as soon as i was walking home and i wasn't with Jonathan and Emma, dread crept over my body. it was dark, i was alone, and i had no clue whether or not henry and his gang were out on one of their little 'patrols.' i feel like it took an eternity to get home, but i finally did, and as soon as i unlocked the door and stepped inside, I locked the door and went to the kitchen. I reheated a slice of leftover pizza and leaned against the counter while i ate it. it was dark in the house, with the kitchen counter lights being the only thing lighting up the room i was in. after i was done eating, i turned to the sink and scrubbed a few plates that were sitting in the sink. when i was done, i clicked off the kitchen lights and walked back to my bedroom. halfway down the hallway, i heard the sound of clothes hitting the floor. inside my bedroom. immediately my heart dropped to my stomach, and i became silent. slowly i backed up, sliding my socks along the carpet, never lifting my feet, not making any noise. i slipped back into the kitchen and frantically looked around, somehow forgetting where anything was in my house. i grabbed a bread knife from the first drawer and spun back around, quietly pacing back and forth, trying to get my head on straight.

okay.. theres someone in your room. you dont know who.. but you know that they could be dangerous. shit. okay.

i inched back down the hallway, not breathing. i slowly grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. my room was still. there was nobody there. yet my clothes were scattered all over the floor, my bookshelf was missing three of my favorites, my window was wide open, and there was dried mud on my floor. my jaw dropped in shock and i uttered out a small squeak. i stood there in disbelief as i walked into the room further and closed the door behind me. i flicked on my lights and dropped the knife on my bed. after i stuck my head out of my window and saw nobody, i quickly closed and latched my window, pushing my curtains closed. as my fingertips dragged over the windowsill, my nails caught on a notch in the wood. my brow furrowed as i looked closer and traced the lines. there were two letters engraved in my windowsill. initials.

P. H.

that son of a bitch patrick. terrorizing me at school was one terrible thing, but breaking into my house, my room, destroying my belongings, stealing my stuff and carving his fucking name into my windowsill. carving his name into my life. im fucking done dealing with this.

i threw on a sweater and my working boots, grabbed the kitchen knife again and stormed out of my house. i didn't bother to lock the door. i didn't care if id be back or not. i was going to kill this freak.

author note.

HI IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED BUT IM WORKING ON THE NEXT PART I PROMISE THERE WILL BE SOME ROMANCE BECAUSE IK YOU ASKED FOR THAT!! I LOVE YALL SM

#patrick hocksetter #it2017 #the losers club #losers club #henry bowers #victor criss #belch huggins #patrick hocksetter x reader

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trash----panda · 3 months

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PT 3 (cause i got some motivation)

The truck came to a stop, almost knocking Dendro over when it lurched, though he quickly stabalized using his tail to balance. He starred up at the front console, still kinda anxious about the whole thing. They werent a combat team, they werent even cleared for self-defense, so if anything happened they were only allowed to run away. He glanced at Joey, she didnt seem half as worried as him, wasnt she scare of the mutations? His sigh was loud enough to catch her attention.

"what?" Her voice snapped him out of it for a moment, he just kinda starred at her as he fastened his mask "nothing, really just ... Havent really had a partner for this before"

"for what?" She literally hadnt listened to a word said, off in her own little world

"scouting.... what we were sent to do"

"....."

"they just told us"

"doesnt ring a bell"

He was glad she couldnt really see his face through his mask, this was gonna be hell to get through. "Whatever lets just hurry, and dont touch anything" he went to the back of the vehicle, opening it up and stepping out, making a log that the vehicle was left on Acorn Drive, it's always better to make sure you arent lost, espeacially in a place like this. The buildings around them looked long abandoned, crumbling and overgrown, it bothered Dendro but this just reminded Joey of the hive she grew up in. She flew up and sat on his shoulder, figuring it'd make less noise if she didnt fly. He was very obviously hesitant but started exploring anyways, occasionally feeling for his dagger on his hip, good, it was still there.

After what felt like ages to the pixie they finallt made it to the abandoned mall, supposedly they were supposed to be searching the area to make sure no new mutations had spawned, and if so, notify the clean up crew. Dendro was cautious, searching quietly and watching for any movement. While Joey was pretty sure nothing was out to get them, getting bored and deciding to explore.

(TW. Slight Gore, Fear, Loss of limb)

She had gone ahead and found an old clothing store, spotting the section with pins, picking each up and examining them. Giving a small chuckle at some of the jokes. Dendro spotted her, still talking in a hushed whisper "what are you doing"

"there's nothing here, we should take something as compesation"

"what? No what if it has germs"

"what are you, 5?" She rolled her eyes

"you know what i mean, i could get infected"

"yah right, like you, the most carful of us, would get infected from a little piece of plastic that says...." she starred at it "i cant actually read this one"

He got ready to continue arguing, but stopped himself, spotting some movement in the back, drawing his knife "Joey" he hissed. She just ignored him, kinda bitter now "it isnt even that big of a deal, i can be as loud as i want" she threw one of them down to prove a point, raising her voice "no one is even here-"

She didnt have time to finish the second, he'd tried to reach her in time but she was too far away, a large mutation, standing a good 9 ft tall (3 meters) had clamped it's teeth around her, probably not even noticing as it simply swallowed. Dendro starred in disbelief, he didnt know what to do, his mind racing. His eyes locked on her severed arm, the growl snapped him out of it, looking at this... this thing. It used to be a person but that was hard to tell, having no eyes now it moved on all fours, looked more like a dog than whoever it used to be. It hadnt heard him yet, he had a chance. He sucked in a silent breath, his chest feeling tight as he inched through the store. He knew protocal, abandon your partner. He knew it was best, just abandon your partner. But he couldnt, fuck, he was probably gonna get written up for this. He silently made his way behind it, tensing when it started sniffing around, he held as still as his body would let him, waiting for it to walk by before trying to throw himself against it.

It screamed, at least it sounded like one, screeching and flailing as he clung to it's hide, trying to push his dagger in. There was no way this was gonna work right? But he couldnt let go now or he was next. He managed to wedge the blade between it's ribs, perking up as he pushed it deeper, just out of reach as the creature snapped it's jaws at him. He knew his arm wasnt strong enough so he used his claws to pull himself up more. Pushing the blade down with his foot, leaving a sizable gash down it's side. That seemed to do the trick, he got lucky this one wasnt stable enough to survive a wound like that. Getting bashed against the ground as it collapsed on top of him. He had to struggle to get free, pushing it over and starring at the wound. His stomach was doing flips just thinking about it, but he had to, he pushed his hand inside, gagging a little. Even with the suit creating a barrier he could feel the organs when he pushed them around. There. He grabbed and pulled, starring at the stomach in front of him, seriously debating if this was worth it. He sliced it open, temporarily forgetting how gross it was when he spotted the pixie. He scooped her up as quickly as possible, holding her in one hand while pressing on her back with his fingers, just until she coughed and started breathing again. Relief flooding him.

(End of trigger warning area)

"you're alive"

She was still a little dazed, espeacially with the lack of oxygen "duh" she coughed again, feeling like she might throw up.

He paused, glaring a little cause of her attitude, mumbling softly "next time i'll kill you myself"

"wha?"

"hm?"

"....... I just thought.... you said something"

".....might be delarious... probably gonna need disinfected"

She tensed, struggling to do so but sitting up "hey no i can do that myself! I am more tha-" he cupped his hands around her to drown her out, wincing as he got up. He'd defiantly hurt himself getting thrown around like that. Headed back towards the van, they were both gonna need to be cleaned outside the vehicle. It came equipt with that, the disinfectant applied like a shower. At least that was kinda a punishment, the pixie did seem to hate water. Then they'd get to go back to the dorms for a warm meal, he desperatly needed one of those.

-----------------

(if anyone has a name for the story, feel free to suggest)

#giant/tiny #oc #size difference #my ocs #oc story #oc writing #gt writing

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coveredinredpaint · 6 months

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hi! my name is rex too and i think thats pretty cool

anyway, i was wondering if you had any tips on dressing feminine but like,,,, also being able to pass? or tips on being confident enough to not need to pass?

heyy that is pretty cool!!

im gonna be honest with you, i never really managed to pass before starting t. there were like 5 times ppl gendered me correctly but after that they immediatly "corrected" themselves. the only person who didnt was a toddler, i hope hes doing great.

all the tips and tricks ppl gave out never worked for me, never managed to figure out why, im thinking it was mostly my voice.

so i got absolutely no passing advice for you, but i can definitely tell you how to work on your confidence and say fuck you to societies ridiculous expectations

(it turned out longer than i distracted, i cant give concrete advice apparently my apologies)

tw: mention of bullying and some mental health stuff but nothing heavy

before i start i will say that it takes time. it takes time to learn and let go of this need to fit in. to learn to do your own thing even if you have to do it alone. to grow and learn who you want to be or are.

first we need to understand that expectations of how we should act or dress or look, whether based on our gender or not, are absolute bullshit. like straight up made up.

step one is kill the cop in your head. every time you judge yourself (or someone else) for something, ask why you care about that. most of the time its cause you have been taught in some way that what youre doing is not according to "the rules". this can be for the smallest things, like when i get really excited and stim about something i used to feel embarassed because "men dont act like that". sometimes i still feel that way. its not something you can just get rid of, so its important to actively affirm yourself that what youre doing is okay and that you are allowed to do what makes you happy.

dealing with yourself is already a hell of a challenge, but other people, that something else. i hope you live in an accepting area and i have heard many stories of people are queer fully accepted for it. but often thats sadly not yet the case. surely isnt for me at my school. there are people who are gonna make you feel like shit, who are gonna call you all the horrible things the voice in your brain calls you too. you are gonna wish you were "normal" sometimes, even if you dont really mean it.

going back to normal? going back in the closet? letting go of the clothes that make my feel better even on the most dysphoric days? fuck no, i finally started to get myself, my life back, im not sacrificing that for some teens whos names i dont even know. so you turn it around, no longer "why do they treat me like that" but "how dare they treat me like that" if they kick you while youre down you better bite their ankles and dont let go. most people who bully people who are "other" are terrified of what they see in us. we are living proof that their belief of how the world should work is very wrong. they call you a fag and a tranny? you better come to school next day in the gayest clothes you own. they call you an emo and bark at you? you better be dressed even more punk the next day. they may laugh at you, yell at you, even record you or push you around. it doesnt matter, they hold no power over who you are.

but please do not try and carry this alone. dont let yourself turn bitter. its is difficult to be treated like shit for simply existing. even when it doesnt hurt as much as it did its still exhausting. find someone to talk to, whether its a family member you trust, a friend, a mental health professional or other queer people online. its important not to suppress your feelings. get them out, by either talking about them or writing or making art or music.

know that its your life and you can live it however the hell you want. be kind to yourseld, be kind to others. if you are not where you want to be to right now you will in the future. cant really call it a life if you didnt live for it. it will get better, you just got to keep going and keep fighting.

#queer punk #punx #queercore #punk #transmasc #trans punk

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raymend · 4 months

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yes im making this post again because ive discovered again that 90% of my self doubt is absolutely incongruent to my real actual views on the world. what i mean is that...

for example i dont think anyone should be measured by their productivity or ability to work long hours that's insane. except for when its me? that's stupid!!

i can only pick it apart by being like Okay but this is 1. capitalist and 2. inherently ableist .

That^^ is the one way ive figured out how to continually question and work on internalized shit because it stops being about You as an individual but rather how that mindset can affect people without realising it. and i feel like this is especially important 4 ppl unlearning internalized homophobia n transphobia stuff (AND body image etc) where your internalized (now externalized) issues can absolutely trigger other people..

longer example under the cut i kept going sorry. tw transphobia

i think back to that tumblr funnyman w the crazy transmed rant (cant find it. dont really want to i remember it being pretty upsetting lol) about how he was mad that people want to see trans(masc) characters because he himself hates himself for being trans a lot & wish he was born a cis guy.. because when he was called out for it he said it was just a vent post? and even if the original posts werent full of veryyy misgendering language it would still be a weird post to make to an audience of impressionable trans kids, that being trans is some kind of mistake or problem .. it feels very irresponsible to say that, knowing the self hatred that can come along w the simple act of existing as trans and feeling different to others but then seeing someone u look up to talking about it like that..

i think especially now when state governments are doing so much homophobic and transphobic shit its more important than ever to be there for the younger members of the community and to work on your own internal biases so that you don't transfer them to the next generation. being trans doesn't have to suck that bad: it's not you that's the problem it's our transphobic society n government, and i think that's really necessary to hammer in.

i think trans doomerism is like so intensely vile because of the way that it thrives off of attacking other people (fat, gnc, poc, etc) for making it embarrassing and weird to be trans (Unlike Us Normal People Who Hate Ourselves) when its not their fuckin fault???? Hello i fucking hate optics nerds can you shut the fuck up and have empathy . Who do you think your enemy is . some neopronoun using mfs or the UNITED STATES FEDERAL GOVERNMENT !!!!!!!

and i used being trans as an example because it's the easiest to illustrate but my overarching point here is the fiona and shrek thing . YOUR negative thoughts, seemingly about just yourself, when externalized, OTHERS will extend that logic to themselves even when you don't intend it, and that's something that can be easily contributed to by societal issues & the isolation u can feel by not fitting the cishet white abled mold

#ray.txt #long post #if this gets 1 like im happy. Post typers are you out there..... lab ... lab pspsps 🏀<- not an angry emoji its kurokos basketball #^ Empathy in the general sense before someone comes in like Ummm actually. I mean be fucking nice idiot

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yandere-daze · 2 years

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Hiii❤️ Omg I just wanted to say I loved your self aware au for enstars! But as serious it can be because of the yandere theme I cant help but laugh bc I share my phone (and my account in the game) with my sister. So imagine the confusion it would cause to the characters when one second it looks like the player likes A but then they change everything to B (we have very different tastes, shes a FineP and I a ValkyrieP). Mostt of the time our office looks like a clash of our likes, a complete mess kfkskfkkf

Awww, thank you so much!!🥺💕 And honestly, as scary as this entire AU would be if it were to actually happen to someone, I think it´s fine and even important to think of these silly scenarios too ^^

gn reader

tw yandere, implied stalking?

How the self-aware characters react to you sharing your enstars account with someone else

Please, they would be so confused about this for the longest time! When you first log into the game, they pay close attention to who you pick as your first card, who you put on your home screen, and how you start to decorate your office. All of these things are very important to remember because it lets them know which of them you prefer at the moment and what aesthetics they should try to match to appeal to you and make you like them more.

A lot of them make these entire elaborate plans and start working on new clothes and new songs when suddenly the next day, everything seems to be flipped on its head. Without any notice, you suddenly switch out the idols on your home screen and you start using completely different characters in the gameplay. Now one half of the office looks completely different from the other and the styles almost clash with each other to the point that everyone is just confused.

Did your tastes really change that fast? Are they not your favorite anymore? They don´t remember doing anything wrong and it´s barely been a day since the last time you went into the app, how could this be? Did they get the wrong idea somehow?

I think your sister being a fineP and you a ValkyrieP, in particular, is going to be very chaotic. Imagine this: You went into the game first and chose either Shu or Mika as your starter card. You have them on your home screen, you level their cards and you use them both in lives and in the office. They´re super happy and very content about this. You love their art almost as much as they love you! They couldn´t be happier!

But then, the unthinkable happens. You switch one of them for Eichi. EICHI of all people!!! How could this be??! What happened?? What kind of trick did he pull on you? Did he mess with the game somehow? How dare he try to take you away from them with his manipulative schemes? This is preposterous! Their worst nightmare is coming true right before their eyes and they can´t do anything about this. How could their beloved player fall into the hands of this wretched demon? What are they supposed to do? What can they do but curse out Eichi in their minds? How can they make you come back to your senses??

How- oh, you put them back on your home screen. Eichi is gone again. Huh. Well, Valkyrie is certainly really relieved about this, glad to have you back with them again. Until it happens again. And again. And you just keep changing things around to the point that everyone is so confused. It feels like your tastes dramatically change every time you log into the game. How could this be?

I honestly don´t think this would be easy for them to figure out. I think the only way for them to realize this is for them to listen to you through your microphone or watch you through your smartphone camera and hear the difference between your voices or see two completely different people. Only then would everything become clear

So two separate people are playing this game, huh? Well, that certainly explains a lot...

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intersex-support · 9 months

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Do you have information regarding chimera intersex conditions (if im using the right term). I have reason to believe I at least may be some form of chimera but have suspicions about intersexism aswell, but information is hard to find. I'm mostly wondering if there's an intersex condition that could outwardly appear as an afab, with most of the condition being internal if that makes sense?

I have a very masculine build and square jawline, with small hips (though I sport stretch marks there), and I have a clear line on my stomach and lower back where half of it is darker than the other, and my face is clearly very asymmetrical (like weirdly asymmetrical, my eyes are two different shapes).

(Cw for like period/genital talk rq)

I also have rly painful periods (though I only rly cramp on one side, though this could be attributed to the possibility of Endometriosis) yet my flow is abnormally light (considering my family's history of heavy flows) And I dont know if this is normal because I cant get a solid answer from google but I have literally no feeling inside my vagina, like none at all. (if this is normal just ignore this, but I have a feeling its not? Sorry btw if that is awkward I just need a solid answer)

I don't know what other information to include so if you need more I can send another ask in. It's just rly rough being almost 21 and realizing ur body is like, "abnormal" compared to everyone around you (sort of feels like a teenager issue lol). And I just need someone to tell me if I should drop it or if i really should bring this up to my doctor.

Thank you for the time you took to read this, it means a lot this has really been bothering me and i just need some help

Hi anon,

I'm glad you reached out. I know how tough it is to find information about intersex variations on the internet, so I also asked some of my friends who are chimeras to give some input on this answer. I know it can be really overwhelming to try to figure out if you're intersex, so just want to affirm that you are not alone in that and that you can research at whatever pace feels comfortable for you!

There are several intersex variations where you might have external genitalia like a vulva and clitoris, but that you might have internal testes, streak gonads, or ovotestes.

For chimerism, there is a lot of variety in terms of how it presents, so people will have a whole range of combinations of genitalia, gonads, secondary sex characteristics, all depending on their own unique variation. This can include ambiguous genitalia, genitalia that looks liek a vulva and vagina, and genitalia that looks more like a penis. It can be hard to find specific information, because so much of it will vary depending on your own situation. This article (tw for intersexist medical language) describes someone with chimerism who menstruates, so that is definitely possible. I can't find any specific information about period pain and chimerism, but I talked with a friend with chimerism who experiences a lot of period pain, so that definitely can happen.

I've only found information talking about different eye colors as something that can sometimes happen with chimerism and couldn't find anything about eye shape specifically. Having patches of different colored or textured hair can be a sign of chimerism.

Basically, it's possible that you could be a chimera with both XX and XY chromosomes, have a vulva and clitoris and menstruate, and potentially have ovaries or testes. The only way to confirm that would be through genetic testing.

Other possibilities to look into might include mosaicism. I'd suggest reading through this intersex variations glossary and see if anything jumps out at you that is in line with other symptoms you might have.

Overall, it's certainly possible for someone to have chimerism/chromosome variations, a vulva and vagina, periods, and potentially variations in gonads as well. If you are interested in looking more into this, you would probably want to see an endocrinologist or a clinical geneticist who could help you explore different options. I wish I had more resources to offer you, but most of the stuff out there is just different medical articles that use a lot of discriminatory language. Please feel free to reach back out with any follow up questions or just to receive support, and know that we are wishing you the best of luck on this journey.

-Mod E

#asks #actuallyintersex #intersex #chimerism

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sukifoof · 1 year

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hey! if you wouldnt mind, could you share some more of your thoughts about narrachara? i found the tags you left about it really interesting

sure i love talking about my undertale thoughts!!! as im sure u saw in the tags im pretty neutral about narrachara so i guess ill tackle this in a semi organized way down below (uh tw for talking about grief i think)

i’ll start off with the things i like!! i think the argument that the narrator isn’t consistent with charas personality isn’t that strong given that we have One Scene where they’re actually talking and this is after they just watched everyone die including their father and brother most recently so. its not surprising they would speak coldly with a grin that serves as a motif for pain throughout undertale (asriel’s death, flowey, toriel’s death, sans just as a whole, undyne’s death, etc u get the point) and that alone probably cant characterize the way they are. so i do like the idea of the narrator giving chara some personality!! i personally like to imagine them as a funny quiet freak who just kind of stares at u. like this i drew this a little bit ago

i think the biggest reason i’m not too fond of narrachara is because very rarely someone coming back from the dead is done well. not that narrachara is them necessarily coming back from the dead, but it’s just kinda treated that way a lot,, i love it in cases like flowey and haruka kokonose as it’s a great metaphor for how trauma changes people, but when it’s done on the basis of “oh everyone misses them if they come back everything will be fixed :(“ its just. Not Great. that’s the exact reason flowey has issues with who he is!! flowey refuses to recognize himself as asriel because he knows that’s all anyone wants of him. they want him to be “asriel” before the trauma. guaranteed, that’s the reason he doesn’t bother revealing himself to his parents anymore. he doesn’t want to break their hearts because he feels his past self is dead. i see so many aus where “asriel” comes back and he acts as if he didn’t go through all that trauma and it’s like. that was. the entire point of his character. he can’t be who he was before chara’s death. (i think askfallenroyalty tackles that issue extremely well everyone should read it)

narrachara is widely accepted as canon and it kinda builds up chara as this character that isn’t very apparent or concrete in the actual game,, they speak in one scene and everything else has to be inferred. that’s probably why it’s such an easy theory to grab onto, chara’s personality isn’t very easy to figure out… i really like the little details, like them speaking in a way that doesn’t fit a kid with huge words and calling themself a demon and how they mostly speak in kanji in the japanese translation and that they like chocolate and flowers… the character i feel points the most towards chara’s personality is asgore. toriel and asriel are extremely similar in the way that they grieve and view themselves, and based off what we know about asgore and chara, they were likely also extremely similar. the two halves of the dreemurr family kinda touch on what’s worth sacrificing a life for and i think it’s really interesting

i think flowey has issues with asgore for the same reason he has issues with chara, even if he wants to pretend that they’re the only person that could understand him. asgore loves his family and his people, so much that he’s willing to kill for them. he’s willing to put himself and others at risk for the hope of his people, and chara acts in a similar way. asgore and chara both had this immense pressure on them to provide hope for everyone. chara is willing to die for their family and to get revenge on humans, just like asgore. toriel and asriel, on the other hand, never want to lose anyone. nothing is worth a loved one dying. but, chara likely viewed themself as some kind of variable rather than a person who was loved. everyone in the dreemurr family takes on this responsibility to save everyone and bring hope to everyone, but no one should have to shoulder that kind of pressure. toriel and asriel can’t keep their loved ones with them forever to keep them safe, just as asgore and chara can’t keep everyone happy with their sacrifices. it’s an impossible task for them all to believe they can save everyone.

i think if narrachara is done in a Specific Way it can handle their character well, though!! my personal take on narrachara is that they “woke up” and figured this is just How It Is now. they failed, so they just have to deal with the consequences. throughout the no mercy and pacifist routes they seem to come to some kind of conclusion built on their guilt and feelings towards their family. i always thought it was interesting how in the dreemurr fights all the jokey items are suddenly serious, like butts pie just becoming pie. i really don’t think they thought their death would have that big of an impact. narrachara should give some closure to chara and asriel… chara needs to know how much they meant to their family and asriel needs to know that it’s okay to say goodbye and let go.

kinda going off on a tangent here but i think about flowey’s “see you later, chara” a lot,, i like to think of it as more metaphorical than literal as it’s often taken as… chara is the catalyst of everything that happened in the game, and him saying see you later is like him accepting that it’s over. they’re gone, and that’s okay. it’s his last goodbye to his sibling at their grave. i’m sure deltarune will clear up the fuzzy details about the connection between the player and protagonist and narrator but For Now i just wanna think about it as flowey being able to finally let go

so Basically i think narrachara is good if it’s able to serve the themes of the game if that makes sense?? of course anyone can do what they want with narrachara!! i just feel very strongly about it cuz of my Character Analysis Brain where everything needs to be done for a reason,, it’s very interesting to see how everyone reacts differently to the things in undertale based on their own experiences. i initially wrote like wayyyy more than this and then somehow it all got Deleted which sucks cuz it misses out on a lot of points i made BUT!! its fine i got the general message across i think… i just really like how undertale handles grief as i’ve seen lots of things not handle it well at all while the dreemurrs feel the most realistic to me. dreemurr family my beloved <3 thank u for this ask i really wish tumblr hadn’t eaten most of the things i said 😔

#undertale #narrachara #chara #chara dreemurr #utdr analysis

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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years

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rzyraffek · 1 year

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This is my first time requesting from literally anyone so please excuse the fact I have no clue if there's like, ???a specific??? format??? I should use??? Feel free to ignore this if I'm not doing something right I completely understand 💀

how about some Billy Lenz angst? 👀

Uwaahh😭😭My dear friend I litteraly write anything but angst😭😭BUT since thats ur first time, I guess why not try writting it💖💖 (but next time check my pinned request list)☀️NEVER WROTE ANGST BEFORE

please read notes at the end of this monstosity, didnt want to waste more space here

(Tw: angst, near s/o death, regrets, Billy is his own trigger warining, happy endinig)🤨😈 (they/them pronouns) Request Open

Billy Lenz angst🤯

He didnt mean it, he really didnt mean it to happen, he was full of anger and he really didnt want to push them. S/o told him that they have to go for a while, some sort of family meeting? Far away from home, and Billy didnt want to go there nor let them leave him for those few days. He didnt want to be alone again

Now s/o was laying on ground, not responding to his calls, he froze, pure panic was inside his mind. After few seconds of staring at them he checked if they still are alive. Lucky for him and them, s/o was still breathing, Billy figured that they Just passed out due to hard meeting with the floor. He tried his best to pick them up and carry to nearest bed/couch ('pick them up' is a big word he is shmol he cant really carry people, more like slide them carefully on floor)

He has 0 clue how to act when somone passes out, well he never had to know, he is a serial killer god damn why would he need that knowlage for?

If s/o doesnt wake up in less than half hour he will start to panic again, yep their dead, yuup I killed only person i care for. He will cry and he hug them. IF they wake up, he will be sure that its some kind of miracle and tear up even more. He will promise to himself that he will never even try to argue with them, and if they have any kind of memory loss/brain problems after that, He will never forgive himself and be very very distant for a while( too spooked that he will hurt them again)

If they somehow forgive him, he will think that they are either saint or stoopid, how could s/o forgive him? He nearly killed them? But he wont complain, he is grateful. Also He will get super protective and worried, their head hurts? Oh lourd lay down queen/king i will bring you tea. Someone in work mean? Well not anymore😈! He will do litteraly do anything to pay back for what he did.

Oh also if there was any witness, their dead, no matter if that was some sort of close friend or family member, dead as hell im sorry he wont put up with somone knowing about what he did (even if s/o survives)

GUYS BEFORE YALL WILL UNFALLOW ME AND HAVE TRAUMA DUE STUFF U JUST READ, PLS UNDERSTAND I DIDNT EVEN READ ANGST😭 I JUST WANT TO TRY WRITTING NEW FORMAT😳 plz no bully in comments (also sorry for long waiting, i was really thinking if I even want to upload it)

#billy lenz #billy lenz x reader #angst #slasher x reader #billy lenz angst #billy lenz x y/n #billy lenz x you

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strange-creachure · 11 months

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so..

didnt want to make a huge deal of it at the time bc anxiety and what have you, buuut since yesterday marked 2 full months from this thingy (perhaps most impactful in my life so far lol), figured i'd do a little post anyway?? felt appropiate what with it being pride month and ya know :zoomies:

(tldr, have two rad little lines going across on my body and feeling more light and normal (in the best kind of way) than i have for years :catlove:) i'm in an incredibly lucky place living situation wise (s/o being in a position where he could take a loan for us, and finland being a country that doesnt generally indiscriminate these kind of things as much) where i could get a good ol operation that single-handedly yoinked off my serious dysphoria and -related anxiety and its been (and still is) so incredibly freeing and pleasant and carefree vibe when ur body feels and looks the way you felt it should have always been. especially when, (tw: dysphoria) increasingly for the past couple years its felt just so incredibly.. wrong? to an extent you felt constantly sick?, for reasons you cant even quite explain?, for features your biology imposed on you without any word on your part, and the societal norms or whatever that came with it??? and just.. the entire lack of choice or being unable to do anything about it?? absolutely worst. do not recommend. unfortunately a fairly common experience in the lgbt circles (that i keep hearing) and something a lot of people have to deal with, unfortunately. so in a very stark comparison, post-op and recovering and just /living/ without those restrictions or weights on ya, it's pretty freakin rad. having authority on the silly little meat vehicle again haha. (recovery wise feel entirely normal and well by now, just the whole 'having a both physical and very taxing mental weight off of the shoulders that i'd not realised how long its been there' has had me feeling very childlike joy and the like, yknow. maybe some of u could tell from the text brrrr nyoomies for a while now huhu :zoomies:) dunno if this is "too personal" or unnecessary or kinda silly to share, but kind of jus wanna put it out there in case there's the odd person in there who feels the same way, incredibly awful for reasons you cant quite explain or even grasp - i promise you're not inherently broken or "wrong", there is a reason for it, gender or neurodivergency wise or otherwise. it sure took me a while, and while it's an unique road for everyone, u can get there, one way or other. for example im more comfy with my brain funnies than i've been in years just from reading more and getting to know likeminded people and overall understanding things better, and that alone has helped me a lot. dont necessarily feel the need to transition anything further body wise either; dont consider myself a trans person, and dunno what kind of label or tag would even fit my gender other than just?? kind of vaguely nonbinary i guess?? since im just.. omee? default person shaped? and for the longest time, it feels good and normal and /right/. dunno. wanted to share the excellent good vibes despite this whole mess of a world situation lol. #textwall #manywords happy pride y'all! every single one of you friendshapes is very important and appreciated ❤️

for context! i'm huge fan of people who are happy with their bodies; its the best possible place to be! and such, want to confirm I dont have and never had anything against female chest in general, im genuinely glad some people can carry themselves with pride and joy, it simply wasnt a concept my brain could accept for me; personally they looked and felt really wrong on me, despite being physically healthy and "normal"; nothing were wrong with my pre- chest shapes except them residing on my body.

#lgbt #nonbinary #gender-affirming surgery #neurodiversity #wholesome #good vibes #tw dysphoria #tw surgery #pride month #personal post

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pinkspiraling · 2 years

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tw suicide

really long depressing rant

i feel like im in such a strange place now like i still want to die and no part of me can believe in a better future but i know i can’t off myself. i know i will suffer forever, it just seems like a fact now but it’s like ??? ok what do u do about that. i was so suicidal a couple weeks ago and now not so much bc i know that i genuinely can’t kms like my bsf would be so so ruined, it would hurt her too much i just can’t do that to her. so now i’m like ok…can’t kms…so??? now i do what? i wish i had any desire to go out and try, get a new job, date, make friends blah blah blah but none of that is appealing cause it never feels right. idk how to describe it but even when i’m with friends that i know really love me, it is so hard to actually feel loved or content. it makes me sad and it makes me feel like a bad person, like they should be good enough and they ARE good enough, it’s just my fucking rotting brain can’t find joy in anything anymore and i’m so pessimistic and angry all the time. my bsf is the most supportive person ever and when i’m with her it is so easy, like last time i wasn’t in the mood to hangout but then when i got there it was like it didn’t require any effort or energy to be with her so i wasn’t even bothered and we had a great time it’s so easy and good SO WHY TF DO I STILL WANNA DIE. CANT THAT BE ENOUGH FOR ME. can’t i see i have good things and appreciate them wtf is wrong with me i’m so frustrated with myself. she is the one thing that makes life good but even then everything else is still SO dark and heavy idk how to do this idk how to change. im the problem, it’s me and my dumb brain, i love being alone and yet i hate it bc im so mean to myself all the time but i can’t find reasons to be nice to myself. i could come up with nice shit to say about myself but at the end of the day i still don’t want to face life, i don’t want to figure things out and participate in fucking…idk adulthood, society, blah blah blah. why does everything hurt so badly all the time. i can’t believe i ever expected to have things figured out by now, i genuinely always thought i’d get older and be happier and i’ve never been so unhappy in my life. i’m more lost than i was when i was 17 or 19, at least then i could be like aw i’m young i’ve got time now it’s like bitch no u don’t, u have to survive and function and make money and i just can’t do it. there’s not enough to make up for it. there’s just not enough light :/ and it will never get better, i know that as a fact, and so here i am with no clue what to do when u know the rest of ur life will be this hard and miserable and there will never be enough light to make up for all of it. ew i’m talking for too long, but it hurts and idk where to put my heart or my brain anymore cause i don’t want either one inside me anymore they both hurt too much my brain doesn’t believe in anything and my heart just WANTS everything

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