#i hate kolya's death so much

[bella-rose29]

Chapter 8 - The End

Final part you guys (if you couldn't tell from the title lol). There will be an epilogue, but apart from that Arranged Marriages is done! Thank you so much to everyone that's shown their support and I hope you've enjoyed :)

I might have made up some stuff about Tidemaker abilities but reader is the most powerful Tidemaker in Ravka at this point, I may have also made up some biology to do with her powers so don't hate me.

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: death, violence, injury, fight scene, steaminess, like a lot, bordering on smut I won't lie, (edit: I've written it now and yep it's basically just soft smut I'm sorry)

Tag list: @kentucky-criedfricken, @hauntedenthusiattragedy, @kateswone, @simbaaas-stuff, @polli05927, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @historianthesecond

Nikolai jumped back, feeling the air shift as the arrow went past and embedded itself into the wood next to his head. The window had shattered, glass raining down on him and his wife, and he instantly went to cover her body with his own.

Not that she let him, though. She shoved him off before yanking off her cloak and pushing open the door, diving into the fight, and had Nikolai not already, he would have fallen in love with her right there. Pulling off his own overcoat, he grabbed the guns he kept at his sides, and followed Y/N, firing off at the shadows he saw in the fog.

Fog? he thought. That wasn't there before.

Someone who knew there were Grisha, then. The attack was obviously planned, but now he needed to figure out who by.

Hearing a cry of pain from his left, he turned in time to see Y/N get stabbed, and felt the demon rear up in protest. Nikolai knew that he wouldn't be able to stop it from coming up; he wasn't strong enough to resist it.

It burst free, Nikolai's consciousness taking a back seat while the demon leapt forward, charging at the man that had dared to injure his lover. The two of them barrelled over, demon over man, and Nikolai recoiled as the other part of him sliced into the enemy's stomach. Satisfied for the moment, the demon let Nikolai recognise the clothing.

Fjerdans.

A body fell next to him, and seeing the flash of blue he got scared, worried that she was dead, but when she turned his face to hers to inspect for any damage relief flooded through him.

"Are you alright, Kolya? I don't know if you can understand me, but... I just need to know that you're not hurt," she said. He nodded leaning into her hand, then growled as another Fjerdan attempted to attack from behind, axe raised. The demon readied to protect Y/N, but before anything could happen she had raised her own hands, not looking away from Nikolai, and pulled the water out of the Fjerdan's body. He landed with a thump against the ground, and the demon receded, satisfied that she would be safe for now.

"I guess you don't need me to look after you then?" he panted, out of breath from the demon.

"No I don't, I was in the army, remember? But if you could cover me while I heal this, that would be fantastic," she gestured to the stab wound in her side. He nodded, frowning.

"You're a Tidemaker though, how are you going to heal it?"

Her hands moved as she talked, concentration etched onto her features.

"Baghra taught me when she showed me that the connections between the orders are there, they just... don't get used," she gritted her teeth with the strain of whatever she was doing. "Besides, the brain is like, 80% water, and controls what we say and do and everything, so I can just... force myself to heal." The last part was said in an exhale, her hands sweeping in the air to prove her point as the wound stitched itself up. It was messy, and there was definitely a scar, but it was closed and uninfected, which was all Nikolai cared about. "Do you know who it is that's attacking us?"

"Fjerdans. Although," he fired off a few shots, "why they're attacking us this far south is strange, and I don't understand how they even got here. We have eyes everywhere." He cursed as someone (a few someones? It was hard to tell in this damn smoke) shot back. He was aiming blindly into the mist, but the demon helped guide him to his targets, using its senses to sniff them out (which was completely weirding Nikolai out, if he was honest). Y/N stood up, Nikolai only a few seconds behind, and raised her hands, eyes closing. Her head tilted, and her fingers twitched from where they hung in the air, as if she were hunting for something. All of a sudden her hands twisted, fingers curling, and Nikolai heard the squelch of water leaving multiple bodies. One Fjerdan stepped forward out of the fog, however. His walk was stilted, as though he were fighting against the movement, and Nikolai realised with a start that he was fighting it, because he wasn't the one making his legs move.

Y/N was.

Her eyes were open now, set with deadly intent on the man in front of her as he stopped a few paces away. A vein was bulging at his temple, the only sign of his struggle against her.

"Why are you attacking us?" Her voice was calm, smooth, and soft, but Nikolai was sure that everybody gathered in the clearing could hear her just fine. She had blood smeared on her face (not hers, he'd checked), her dress was torn in a few places and she had leaves and dirt in her hair.

She looked powerful.

The man seemed reluctant to speak, and Y/N's hand twisted slightly.

"For Fjerda." His accent was strong, and it took Nikolai a moment to figure out what he'd said. "Ravka is... weak. The Lantsovs... are weak." He was struggling with the words, either because his Ravkan was atrocious or because he was fighting whatever Y/N was doing to him. She took a step towards him, hand still raised, and leaned in slightly, speaking in perfect Fjerdan.

"Ravka is not weak. You may think that because we have let you, but now you have seen firsthand just how strong Ravka is. Go back and tell your country that the King and Queen of Ravka will fight for their country, should anything happen to it. Go back and tell them what happened here. Go back and tell them that we do not want a war with anyone, and Fjerda should honour the peace treaty as Ravka does. And go back and tell them that what happened here today? I can do it on a battlefield, with your entire army. Ravka is not weak. And the Lantsov family is not weak." She finished up, letting her hand drop, and the man fell to the floor. Y/N stood there, face impassive as he wobbled to his feet and turned, fleeing. All the other Fjerdans were dead.

She slumped, shoulders sagging, and Nikolai was by her side in seconds, holding her up and pulling her body into his, kissing the top of her head.

"That was..." he hesitated, struggling to find the right word.

"Horrible? Terrifying? Possibly stupid?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of sexy, hot, really hot, really really hot, but sure. Yours work too." She gave him a light smack on the chest, clearly not really meaning it, and the smile on her face when she looked up at him gave her away.

"You're ridiculous, Nikolai Lantsov."

"And you, Y/N Lantsov, are incredible." His heart fluttered at her name, having never heard himself say 'Y/N Lantsov' before. It suited her. Her responding smile was like pure joy, and Nikolai leaned in to plant a kiss on her lips, soft and full of love. Somebody cleared their throat (why couldn't they have waited another few seconds?), and Nikolai turned to see Zoya, hands on hips, mildly impressed expression on her face.

"As amazing as that was, we have a slight problem. Some of our soldiers saw the demon."

Shit.

"It's alright, I've got this. Just... round 'em up in front of me," his wife said.

A few minutes later, the twins and Zoya had done just that, confusion on their faces. Well, on the twins' faces. Zoya looked bored, if anything. Y/N raised her hands again, and for a moment Nikolai panicked, thinking she was going to kill them, but when she only closed her eyes, furrowing her brow and making movements with her hands that Nikolai couldn't understand, his panic subsided. A minute or so later, she stopped, lowering her arms.

"What did you do?" Nikolai asked.

"Erased all memory they had of the demon. Replaced it with something else."

"How-"

"Water, brain, control," she said.

"Got it." He hadn't got it, but he figured it would be best to just let her rest after the fight. Her skin was glowing from the use of her power, but her eyes were tired, and so Nikolai led her over to a spare horse. The carriage had been destroyed and was unusable, so they would have to go the rest of the way by a different means.

Half an hour later, the Grand Palace came into view, the sun setting behind it. Nikolai could have collapsed from exhaustion right there, but he kept going, knowing he had a very large and very comfy bed waiting for him inside. He and Y/N hadn't talked about sleeping arrangements for when they got back, but he'd been living under the assumption that they would move in with each other, sharing chambers. He was so lost in thought he didn't remember going in to the stables or handing over his horse, or going upstairs, his wife on his arm. It was only when he felt her pull back against his arm outside his bedroom door that he zoned back in, realising that she'd stopped, and was biting her lip.

"Nik?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I... can I stay with you tonight?" She was blushing slightly, fingers fidgeting with a stray thread on her dress and trying to fix it, despite the dress being completely ruined from the fight.

"Of course. If you like, you could move in?" He knew it was a risk, and that despite everything she might not want to share his bed every night, but when she nodded, eyes lighting up, he let out an internal sigh of relief. His peace was cut short, however, when she took his arm by force and dragged him inside his room, slamming the door shut behind them. For a brief moment, he thought she was going to jump his bones, but when she charged in the direction of the bathroom he realised what she wanted instead. Y/N paused at the threshold, turning back to face him.

"Are you coming, or not?"

Now it was his turn to blush, stunned into silence at her words as he took in their meaning.

"Uh... yeah. Yes." He trailed after her into the bathroom, standing awkwardly at the door, arms hanging limply at his sides. "Do... what... why am I here?" She stifled a laugh that ended up escaping as a snort, slapping a hand over her mouth.

"If you don't want to be here, Kolya, you don't have to. Or you could turn around while I get undressed and into the bath, yeah? I just... wanted some company." His face went even redder at the thought of being in the same room as her while she was naked, and suddenly he decided that the best place for his hands was in front of his crotch.

"Okay. I'll... I'll turn around." Shit, his voice was hoarse, and he winced as he turned so that his back was to her. He heard the water running in the bath, and he heard Y/N taking off her dress. Trying to, anyway. She sounded like she was struggling, so Nikolai said "Do you need help, darling?" Saints, why had he said it so low? Her shuffling stopped, and he worried he'd crossed a line. Within moments, however, she was next to him, pout on her face.

"I think the laces got knotted and I can't undo them like this, could you help?"

"Of course," he replied, lifting shaking hands to the back of her dress. The laces truly were knotted, and whatever she'd been doing to try and untie them had not helped. After a few minutes, he got the last tie free, pulling the strands away from each other with a triumphant smile.

"Thank you," she whispered, holding the front to her chest as the fabric slipped down over the tops of her arms and gathering at her elbows, showing the space between her shoulder blades to Nikolai. He swallowed thickly, the noise loud in the room, and Y/N turned around to face him. "Are you okay?" she asked, still in a whisper, and he could only nod. "Okay then. I think the bath is done running, so I'm just gonna... yeah. Okay." She visibly winced at her words, and Nikolai could only smile softly as she walked off and out of his view. She was adorable, and he couldn't believe how lucky he had been in having her as his wife. Hearing the fabric fall to the floor and the small splash of water as she got in, he turned around, pulling up a chair next to the tub. Shrugging his jacket off, he was left in his undershirt and trousers, suspenders loosened and threatening to fall off of his shoulders. He took his gloves off and rolled his sleeves up just past his elbows, then rested his forearms on the edge of the tub. She looked peaceful, eyes closed and the afterglow from using her powers earlier still emanating from her skin.

"Stop staring, Kolya. You're making me feel self-conscious."

Her voice surprised him in the quiet room, and he replied saying "You shouldn't. You're gorgeous." She flushed pink, looking away from him, muttering a 'Thank you' under her breath.

He dipped his fingers into the water and gently splashed some towards her, laughing when she squealed in shock. "You're meant to be at one with the water aren't you? Not afraid of it," he chuckled, and she narrowed her eyes and splashed him back in the face. Given the shape the water took, he knew she'd used her powers, and that he was at a disadvantage in this battle, but he sent more water her way. They went on like that for a while, until one particularly large amount of water dropped on Nikolai's head, soaking him from head to toe. He spluttered, wiping the water out of his eyes and off of his face, slicking his hair back.

"You're gonna pay for that, Y/N. You do know you just soaked the King of Ravka, don't you?"

"So terribly sorry, Your Majesty. Oh wait, I'm the Queen, so I can do what I like, especially if that involves chucking a bucketload of water over my husband's head." She cackled, much like a witch (a beautiful witch, he thought), throwing her head back and pointing at him with glee. Starting to get cold in his now wet shirt, he peeled it off, and her laughter died out.

"Nik?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you shirtless?"

"The Queen of Ravka chucked a bucketload of water on my head," he responded with a smirk, taking extra time to take off his shirt now he knew the effect seeing him without one had on her.

"Oh. Okay."

She was quiet for a moment, and was definitely checking him out, then said:

"Can you sit down and close your eyes?"

He did so, unsure where this was going and hoping she wouldn't take the opportunity to dump more water on him. Instead, he heard the water sloshing as she moved, and seconds later her lips were on his, soft and careful. He responded immediately, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek and kiss her more deeply, and she sighed into his mouth. They kissed for a while, slow and loving, tongues dipping in every now and then but for the most part just softly kissing. When they pulled away, resting their foreheads against each other, Nikolai spoke.

"I love you."

He seemed to be full of risks tonight, but as soon as he said the words he knew that he wouldn't ever take them back, or say that he hadn't meant it. It was too true for him to do that. He held his breath as he waited for her to respond, to say something, anything, and when she did he could have died.

"I love you too, Nikolai."

He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, smiling too much to make it anything more than that, and he felt her own grin as he did so.

"Can I open my eyes yet?"

"Hang on, let me get out the bath first. Not like that!" she exclaimed at his smirk, reading his mind. "Saints, you are insufferable, Kolya. I mean let me get out the bath and put on a robe, because my hands are starting to go pruny, not because I want to give you a show in here!"

"I'll go wait in the other room then, okay? Give you some space," he said, smirk turning into gentle smile.

"Alright then. See you in a bit?"

"Yep." Nikolai left right after, pausing only to pick up his sodden shirt and hang it over a rail to dry. He changed his trousers quickly, putting his own robe over the top and sitting on his bed. They'd spoken about it earlier, and Zoya had agreed that as long as he had his tonic, he didn't need to be chained down that night. David had strengthened and refined it over the past few weeks, hopefully meaning that the chains wouldn't be necessary again. His wife shuffled out, robe wrapped around her tightly in an effort to cover her body up. Unfortunately it only served to highlight her body figure, since the thin material was so close to her it was like a second skin, and Nikolai let out a strangled noise at seeing her. Luckily, she hadn't heard, and Nikolai stayed on the bed (totally not staring at her) until she came and joined him, still holding the robe for dear life.

Once she was settled, she kissed him, lightly, and reminiscent of the earlier ones in the bathroom. Nikolai responded, moaning when she bit on his lip and slipped her tongue inside.

Saints, she's getting good at this.

She'd confided in him at some point over the last week that apart from the obvious, she'd not kissed anyone before him. He'd been so elated at the feeling that she trusted him enough to share that, both the information and the experience, and had promised that if she ever wanted to practice he would be a very willing volunteer. She'd smacked him in the head with a pillow.

Now, however, she was taking control, pushing him back to sit against the headboard and straddle him, which combined with seeing her acting all queenly in the forest earlier was making him hard. He slipped a hand around her waist, pulling her closer, and the other landed on her thigh, gripping it and occasionally stroking up and down. She was grinding on him now, and fuck he needed to do something about this or it could be embarrassingly quick for him. Nikolai tightened his hold on her, flipping her gently onto her back and hands moving to the ties at the front of her robe.

"This okay?" he asked, hands fluttering nervously over her midriff.

"Yes, Nikolai. Definitely," she breathed, moving her own hands to help him untie the knot. The fabric slipped away and Nikolai sucked in a breath.

She's stunning.

"Shit, Y/N. Do you have any idea how gorgeous you are? No, don't laugh, it's true. You're heavenly, alright?" He'd tilted her head back towards his when she'd turned away with a scoff, hoping she would see the sincerity in his eyes as he said it. Now he moved in, kissing her and gasping at the feel of her bare chest on his. He was in a state of bliss, and he wanted to stay in it forever.

---

Y/N was in paradise, and she didn't ever want to leave. From the moment he'd taken his shirt off in the bathroom she knew she wanted to do this with him tonight, and now, lying on his - their - bed, underneath him as he praised her and told her how beautiful she was as he kissed her lips and her neck and her collarbones, she knew she'd made the right decision. When he paused just above her chest, she opened her eyes, looking down at him in a silent question.

"May I? Touch you?"

She could melt at how careful he was being, knowing that it was partly because that was just who he was and partly because he knew that she wouldn't want him to take what he wanted. She nodded in response to his questions.

"Need to hear you say it, darling."

"Yes, Kolya, you may." Saints, this man knew what he was doing. He lowered his face down, kissing gently at the skin, and within a minute he had learned how to get every kind of noise and reaction out of her. She knew that he'd had many (many) partners before her, and she didn't blame anyone for it, especially since it meant that he was practiced enough for her, but had make her a little insecure earlier, however Nikolai had been so sincere in his compliments that she didn't feel quite so worried afterwards.

He'd moved his mouth onto her other breast, lavishing it with the same attention he'd given the first one, and Y/N tugged on his hair at the pleasure, gaining a groan from Nikolai that reverberated through her body. After mapping out her chest with his hands and mouth, he moved lower, pushing the robe she had long since forgotten was still on her shoulders off, all the way, looking up to check she was okay with it. Feeling the need to cover herself up, Y/N went to move her hands, but Nikolai stopped her, staring in wonder at her naked body.

"None of that, Y/N. You're too beautiful to hide, alright?"

"Alright," she replied faintly. His hands were holding her waist, thumbs caressing her skin and making her forget everything, when suddenly a thought occurred to her. Sitting up, she brought her hands up to his shoulders, then pushed off his robe (emerald green, of course his robe was emerald green). When he raised his eyebrows in question at her actions, she simply said "I don't think it's fair that I'm naked and you're still wearing clothes, that's all." He chuckled, then helped chuck his robe off and onto the floor, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her deeply.

"Well then," he responded, voice low and teasing, "you'll just have to help me out of them, darling." She didn't waste any time, hands flying down to his waistband to undo his belt, then pulling off his trousers and underwear, throwing them unceremoniously onto the floor next to their robes.

"Shit, Kolya," she breathed out when he was bare.

"We don't have to do anything, alright? This is completely on your terms and if you want to stop at any point you tell me, okay?"

"Yeah. But, you know that... that I trust you, right?" His breath stuttered as he nodded, smiling softly.

"I know, but it's especially important now, okay? I just want to make you feel good, Y/N, even if that means we don't go that far tonight."

"Okay," she replied, then laid back down on the bed, pulling him with her. "Can we just... can we just keep doing what we were doing before?"

"Of course. You tell me where you want me and I'll be there." She nodded, then gently guided his face down to her stomach. He kissed the skin there for a while, then moved lower when her hand in his hair pushed him, legs going either side of his head. One hand gripped her thigh, the other was splayed across her stomach, lightly pressing down as he kissed his way up her inner thighs. Her own hands were tangled in his hair, urging him closer.

When he finally reached where she wanted him to, he took his time between her legs, learning every sound, taking note of every reaction, and bringing her further into paradise with each kiss he left there.

When she'd needed a break, he'd come back up the bed, sitting beside her and stroking her hair, giving her more slow kisses.

And when she pulled him on top of her, he'd checked that she was definitely okay with all of it before pushing in, being gentle and caring and careful as he did so. It didn't take long after that for the two of them to settle into a rhythm, slow and blissful, and he held her hand and kissed her lips sweetly as he made love to her.

When they were done, Y/N wiped out on the bed, Nikolai got up, bringing back a towel from the bathroom and a bowl of warm water to soothe her. He was being perfect, he was perfect, and Y/N could have cried in joy if she weren't so drained.

She curled up into his side under the blankets, tired from everything that had happened that day, and was comforted by his warmth and the hand that was gently stroking down her back.

"Goodnight, my love," he whispered into the room, moments before she dropped off.

"Night, Kolya," she mumbled back.

She fell asleep to the steady beating of his heart.

Epilogue

#grishaverse #netflix shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai x reader #nikolai lanstov x y/n #nikolai x y/n

[gottawhump]

Safe

Kolya

CW/TW: human trafficking, pet whump, chronic illness, death and euthanasia mention, BBU/WRU. For BBU Community Days 13: Safety. @bbu-on-the-side

“Let me see your barcode, Eliot. Please.” He is trying to make requests, not commands.

The younger man obeys, immediately, despite the apprehension in his eyes. No, fear. He hates that he’s made Eliot afraid.

“Why?”

That’s good. Not long ago he would apologize instead of asking questions. It makes Kolya smile, while he runs the hand scanner over the barcode. It beeps, bringing up the information he’s looking for.

“I want to—“ He chooses his words carefully. “I want to keep you safe. You aren’t, if your owner or WRU is looking for you. I’m going to try and buy you from your old owner.”

“You want to buy me?”

Do you know what a fucked-up thing that is, Nikolai? But Eliot’s smile is so bright. “Yes. Then I will free you. Is that all right?”

Eliot hugs him.

He’s ushered in by a Domestic. Another brings trays of drinks and canapés.

He never noticed the Domestics, before. They’re not meant to be noticed, most of the time. But now he can’t stop looking at them.

“Nikolai, it’s been too long!”

He smiles, makes his courtesies. He doesn’t know the Bramwells, not really. They’re old money, society people with no blood under their fingernails. But they know the right people, they’re connected to the important people. He attended a few parties here.

He fucked their Romantic over this table, he’s pretty sure.

“If we could discuss the matter I called you about.”

“Yes. You found one of our Domestics? The barcode notification surprised us.”

“Why?” It’s one of those questions better left unasked, but she’s already answering.

“Oh, you know…” Mrs. Bramwell shrugs. “Sometimes they wander off when they near their expiration date.”

Expiration date.

“It’s usually not worth chasing after them, just to have to put them down,” Mr. Bramwell says. “It’s easier just to replace them.”

“Some do come back. It’s all they know, after all.”

It’s all they’re allowed to know. Kolya drinks from the glass in his hand, an excuse to swallow. “So, the Domestic I found. 992704.” Forgive me, Eliot. “How much do you want for him?”

After some discussion, the Bramwells settle on a paltry sum. A token price, for a friend who wants something you were going to throw away anyway, because it’s wearing out.

He’s glad to go.

“Sir?” It’s the cook, a graying matronly woman. “Did I understand correctly? You purchased 704?”

“Yes.” He feels dirty saying it. He is going to need a long, hot shower when he gets home.

“Then he’s alive? Is he well?”

She cares about Eliot. It’s a shock after the indifference of his previous owners.

“He is.” I’m doing the best I can. “You’re a friend?”

“Domestics don’t have friends.” She softens the rote phrase with a smile. “Sometimes I spent time with 704, when he wasn’t working or in storage.”

“Storage?”

Without a word, she leads Nikolai to a door not far from the kitchen, set off the main living room. A coat closet, he thinks. Then he opens the door, and sees the vacuum, the mop, the washcloth, and containers of cleaning chemicals. Towels and washcloths. A storage closet, for cleaning supplies.

Oh, Eliot.

For once, he doesn’t find Eliot cleaning the house when he gets home. He’s on the living room couch, with Jonas hovering over him. He sits up when he sees Kolya, before a hard coughing fit takes. Overexertion.

Expiration date.

When the coughing passes, he takes Eliot in his arms and holds him tight, holds him close.

“It’s over, Sir? I’m yours?”

“Yes. You’re mine and I will keep you safe, Eliot. For the rest of your life.”

Forgive and Forget taglist: @whumpsday @painful-pooch @whumpinggrounds @justplainwhump @bluetheautisticrat @i-eat-worlds

704 taglist: @kim-poce @fishtale88 @i-eat-worlds @roblingoblin285

#bbu community days #day 13 #safety #Kolya #704 #pet whump #bbu/wru #chronic illness #death mention #euthanasia mention #human trafficking

[monstertsunami]

okay i cannot for the life of me remember the names of the pafl people (i am. bad at names. as evidenced by me not having one) so gimmie the pafl ship you've got Brainworms about right now. not in the sense of love or hate, but the one that just has a specific rant locked n loaded for and which leaves you awake at night.

HI HIII IDC THAT YOU DONT KNOW THEIR NAMES IM JUST SO HAPPY THAT YOURE SENDING ME AN ASK ABT MY FIXATION DESPITE KNOWING NOTHING ABOUT IT <333<3333<3

temnova/olya would be way too obvious for this SO instead im gonna ramble abt sergei/olya my favorite ever (so-called) m/f ship<3<3

forgive me in advance for fumbling my analysis bc words do not come to me well n settling with the second-best word choice always ends up skewing the meaning.. i am also not good at organizing my thoughts at all lol :p

sergolya (made up the ship name myself bc idk if theres a widley used one oops) is a canon ship and thats why its GOOOD. bc pafl is like. REALISTIC and not in the annoying nihilistic grimdark way but just in the way that the characters feel so natural with how they interact with each other and the world and how they react to situations and how situations effect them... its just. real as fuck. absolutely insane skill on ferry's part. but this is REALLY GOOD for every pafl relationship, romantic or not, because they're complex.

sergei and olya have a flawed relationship! theres a lack of communication, sergei being sergei, olya being olya, etc. but its still so so obvious that they love each other DEEPLY! maybe olya's blinded by her insecurities and maybe sergei doesnt externalize it in an obvious way, but when you look even an inch deep into their motivations throughout the entire story, especially when they make poor decisions, its just intertwined with their love for each other.

now where sergolya REALLY gets developed is in The Mill, which specifically touches on olya's insecurities and sergei's overbearing-ness. yes this is why its my favorite pafl song :3

olya appears stoic and logical, she never looks affected by anything, she is taking a fucking prison sentence with stride. but shes still a very emotional person at heart, shown by her affection towards anya, some random kid that keeps following her home, and her getting so attatched to a mutant that she puts herself at risk to keep him safe. all very illogical, emotion driven actions that you wouldnt expect from her based on her external disposition. olya is not as untouchable as she lets off, and she is especially deeply affected by nikita's view of her. (even before kolya's death he was an asshole. fucking misogynist) she cant help but take nikita's harsh words to heart, and that effects her and sergei's relationship. she's terribly afraid of opening up to him in fear that he will leave her the same as nikita left nadya, and has trouble internalizing and accepting the love he expresses to her. she desperately wants to ask for some reassurance, some promise that he wouldnt one day just decide that shes too much of a burden, that shes not worth it anymore, and abandon her. she DESPERATELY wants him to love her, but she just cant accept that he already does love her for herself.

"ill draw a circle in the sand / drive myself around the bend / in a desperate attempt to hold onto your battered hand"

now this is where the dramatic irony comes in. because seeing his internal monologue in the mill, the same song where olya was lamenting about all that, it is very very obvious that he cares so deeply for olya. now sergei has his issue with being overbearing and overprotective when it comes to those he loves, sheltering sanya to the point where she acts out and befriends yura. its his primary flaw, but god if it isnt the most prominent indicator of sergei's attachment to a person. once you know that about him and how he expresses those types of emotions, he practically wears his heart on his sleeve. he wants what he thinks is best for her and sanya and he really DOES care so so much about them both but he doesnt stop to think and its so. oh my god i just love them both so much u dont understand.

"now my only hope is that one day youll understand / ill wrap the chain round my heart and her hammering neck / and save whats left / though i know that someday this weight will come to break my back"

just the way that sergei and olya have such similar problems that manifest in different ways to affect their relationship. olya masks her emotions bc of experiences with misogyny and shes trying to be a Strong Woman and.. sergei masks his bc the environment he grew up in (& his own experiences and traumas) fostering toxic masculinity(???) and poor coping mechanisms. and so its this ouroboros of poor comminication because sergei doesnt know how to show olya he loves her and he doesnt even know thst she needs that because she wont TELL him and then SHE goes on to think that sergeis percieved indifference is his lack of affection and CONTINUES not telling him out of fear of rejection. i. UGH. these two are destroying my mind

thanks for reading if u got this far. have my favorite official sergolya doodles

(i could write an extra essay on my thoughts abt these doodles specifically as well but ill spare you<3)

#:3 #sorry this took 4 ever to answer i had to find time to sit down and write this all #BUT I AM SOO HAPPY THAT UR INDULGING ME IN MY WEIRD INTERESTS THAT U KNOW NOTHING ABT #SQUEE #sergei #olya #boss makes a dollar i make a dime thats why i answer asks on company time #pafl #schziobabble #long enough to go in my talk tag

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Monthly Follower Recs

Monthly follower recommendations for the month of June, 2022

Amity (ao3) - thattumblrchick

Summary: For as long as he could remember, Dan Howell has had a personality more fragile than the flowers he pressed. After meeting Phil Lester- an explosion of a human being living in an explosion of a house- he learns that life should make you feel more than just complacency.  

21 thoughts I had today (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: Dan doesn't have a voice in his head.

It's just a malfunction, a lack of one thing or another in a complex series of firing synapses and chemicals, but it always sounds like words.

Believe in Me (ao3) - Elleberquist6

Summary: Dan Howell is living at home while he’s saving money for college, which isn’t easy since his parents don’t understand him. Unlike them, he loves dogs, is a vegetarian, has no interest in the family business, and he despises the supernatural. He struggles to accept things that are illogical, even though he is a kitsune. Kitsune are foxes whose powers involve the ability to cast illusions, but Dan just wants to be normal. Phil Lester has just moved to London, where he works as a dog walker. When his path crosses with Dan, Phil is eager to get to know him. Unfortunately, Phil soon finds that being friends with Dan is far more complicated than he could have imagined.

Bury Your Flame - botanistlester

Summary: (tw) After receiving a dragon egg when his grandfather passed away, Phil is forced to ask for help from the local dragon tamer. As he soon finds out, Dan Howell is nothing he’s been expecting. Infuriating, ludicrous, and completely lacking respect, Dan is everything Phil hates. But Phil will do anything to make his grandfather proud, even if that means getting help from the local cluck.

different eyes to see the same old things (ao3) - chickenfree

Summary: “Other side of the seesaw?” he says, when Phil’s still quiet. It doesn’t seem like a talking night, as much as Dan wants it to be.

Knew I'd Find You Again || ospbb 2022 anastasia au (ao3) - AnironSidh

Summary: In the twilight of the Russian Empire, the younger son of Czar Nigel Lestov finds an unlikely friend in a kitchen boy with a very different past. Philip Lestov has no idea what is to come, this future with his new friend stretching out as far as he can see, and Daniel Howlov gets a glimpse at a world so far from his own. Ten years later, the czar and his wife are dead and their older son is left to live with his grandmother in Paris; far from the new regime that wants the Lestovs dead. The young tsarevich Philip has gone missing while rumors fly of his survival. The dowager Empress has offered a reward, ten million rubles for her beloved grandsons return, a reward that does not go unnoticed by now conman Daniel Howlov and his close friend, former Duchess Cornelia. When they come across a man with no memories and a resemblance to the prince, the two hatch a plan. Followed closely by Kolya Petrov, an officer set on completing his fathers mission, and the mystic Rasputin, who wants nothing more than the death of the last Lestovs, they must journey to Paris with their fake prince. Instead of a reward, they find something much more unexpected waiting for them. Dan counted on a way out, not falling in love.

I Want It, I Got It (ao3) - Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie starring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

one of those days (ao3) - nivi_chip

Summary: Phil has a dizzy spell and Dan takes care of him.

Or, Dan is the man with the plan (rip the stereo shows imy)

strike a deal, kiss my lips (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Witches were the only magical beings capable of binding and controlling demons. It required a complicated ritual and crazy amounts of magic.

It happening on accident was practically unheard of until Phil came along and got tangled up with a snarky and dangerous demon named Dan. Suddenly bound together, Phil must grapple with control over a chaotic demon that wants to strip the skin from his bones.

And maybe strip the clothes off of his body as well.

we could never (ao3) - danielshands

Summary: Dan navigates the world while also contemplating coming out.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #recs #followerrecs

[dedkake]

it could’ve started like this: a mcshep get-together per episode

53/100: irresponsible | bullet trajectories, t, .6k

The sound of feet scuffing on cobblestones interrupts John’s spiraling thoughts, but he keeps his eyes closed. He knows that gait, knows the weight of Rodney’s presence well enough that he just relaxes more, tension easing out of his shoulders where he’s resting against the rough brick wall.

read it on ao3 | entire series & notes

#stargate atlantis #mcshep #my fic #it could've started like this #i hate kolya's death so much #honestly the biggest missed opportunity #of the whole show #D< #give it the emotional #and narrative weight #it deserves #please #sga irresponsible

[anoonimthepoorchad]

This is the post I want you all to spread as much as you can. Do anything but I want it to be seen as much as possible. I don't care for any of my other posts as much as for this one. IF I DIE I WANT THIS POST TO BE SEEN. I WANT THE WORLD TO HEAR.

This is the memory of a 16 year old girl Katya from Mariupol. I translated it to English and I cried while translating. Please read this. Don't scroll. Don't be ignorant and indifferent.

Do you know the feeling of pain? Once I fell in love with a boy but he didn't love me back, and I thought that it was painful. Turned out that the real pain is to see your mother dying with your own eyes. And to see your brother coming to her again and again, asking her: "Mommy, please, don't sleep, you'll freeze". And we'll never visit her grave. She got left in the cold and dark basement.

We peed, slept and ate our last portions of food in the same basement.

Once uncle Kolya caught a pigeon, I think on the fifth or sixth day, and we fried it and we ate it. And then we all puked.

Mom held on until the end, she died three days before we evacuated.

I told my brother that she's sleeping deeply and that we shouldn't wake her up. But, I think, he understood everything. He understood back then when our lady neighbor died and we couldn't put her outside and she started smelling. And then it became quiet for awhile, uncle Kolya put her outside and got blown up by a hidden grenade (my note, this word "rastyajka" means a grenade with a string attached to it, not a stray bomb. It was put to kill civilians coming out from the basements). Mom cried a lot. After Dad's death, uncle Kolya was the closest person to us.

The dead bodies stink so much.

They were everywhere. I closed my brother's eyes with Mom's scarf so he didn't have to see it. When we were running I almost threw up several times.

I don't believe in your god anymore.

If he existed, we wouldn't have had to suffer so much. My Mother never, you hear me, NEVER did anything bad. She never even left uncle Kolya in another room until she got married. She went to church and confessed often, and so did I. Uncle Kolya gave up smoking so Mom wouldn't worry about him sinning. And your god took her away. The pastor told me something about her helping god there, but it would be so much better for her to help god here, by bringing us up.

I hate russia.

My own uncle is there. Do you know what he said to me today on the phone? "Katya? Which Katya? Girl, I don't know you. What war, which Katya?". And then he wrote me from a different number: "Katya, don't write me. It's dangerous for me and my family. And your mom won't come back".

I hate them! It was his own sister?! How possibly can a person do this???

You know what? I think I'm going to come back to Mariupol. And I'm gonna live on the same place as before. And everyday come into the basement of the new building to put flowers.

It's also scary when the kids cry when it's forbidden. It's forbidden because we needed to not be heard.

These monsters found people in the basements and killed them. Those, who survived, told us that the russian soldiers could rape kids, the elderly and even dead bodies.

If there is a god, why does he let it happen?

I don't want to live anymore. We may be separated now, I suppose. I may not ever see my brother again. And why? Why did this putin "save" us? We lived so well, we even bought a car. Uncle Kolya promised to teach me how to drive. And they even burned the car. And our flat is no more. I want to die and I can't.

Please, hug your kids! Otherwise when you die, they might not remember your smell. If I handle it all and have kids, — I'm going to hug them 24/7.

***

This is it. Now it's time for you to do your part. Do a tag game, tag all your mutuals, do EVERYTHING BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS IMPORTANT. THIS IS MY HONEST HUMAN SCREAM TO YOU AND I SCREAM TO YOU TO SPREAD THIS MEMORY. THIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS, NOT OSCARS, NOT MEMES, NOT EVERYDAY LIFE. EVERY DAY OF WAR, EVERY DAY WE DON'T GET OUR VICTORY IS THE DAY WE LOST MORE OF OUR INNOCENT PEOPLE. MAKE A GODDAMN CHANGE, PEOPLE!!!

Yours truly

#ukraine #war in ukraine #proud to be ukrainian #important #stand with ukraine #war blog #fuck russia #cuphead show #will smith #that dude who got punched i guess #horse plinko #please boost #please reblog

[unhonestlymirror]

"A girl Katya from Mariupol. She's only 16.

“You know that feeling when it hurts? I once fell in love with a boy, but he didn’t fall in love with me, and I thought it hurt. But it turned out that it hurts to see your mother die in front of you. And when your brother keeps coming up to her and says: “Mommy, don’t sleep , you'll freeze". And we will never visit her grave. She remained in the damp and dark basement. We went to the toilet, slept, ate leftovers in the same basement.

And somehow uncle Kolya caught a pigeon, it was probably the fifth or sixth day, and we fried it and ate it. And then all of us vomited.

Mom held on to the last, 3 days before our evacuation, she died.

I told my brother that she was fast asleep and should not be awakened. But he seems to understand. I understood it when our neighbor died, and we could not bear her, and she began to smell. And then it became quiet and uncle Kolya took her out, and he himself was blown up by a stretch. Mom cried a lot. After the death of dad, uncle Kolya was the closest person.

…corpses stink so much. They were everywhere. I covered my brother's eyes with my mother's scarf so that he would not see this. While we were running, I nearly vomited several times.

My mother never, you hear, never did anything wrong. She didn't even leave uncle Kolya overnight in another room until they both got married. She went to church and went to confession often, and so did I. Uncle Kolya even quit smoking so that mom would not be nervous that it was a sin. There the priest said something to me that my mother would serve God, only it would be better if she served here, educating us.

I hate Russia. My own uncle is there. Do you know what he told me on the phone today? "Katya? Who's Katya? Girl, I don't know you. What war, what Katya?" And then wrote from the left number “Katya, do not write to me. It is dangerous for me and my family. And mom will never come back."

I hate them! Wasn’t it his own sister? How is that possible?

…you know, I think that I will return to Mariupol. And I will live in the same place. And I will every time, in the same day to go down to the basement of a new house and lay flowers.

It's also scary when children cry but you must not. You must not be heard. These freaks found people in basements and killed them. Those who survived said that the Russian military could rape children and the elderly, and even corpses.

I don't want to live any more. We'll probably be divided now. And I might not see my brother. What for? Why did this Putin save us? We lived well, we even bought a car. Uncle Kolya promised to teach me how to drive. They even burned it. And no apartment. I want to die, but I can't.

…hug your children. Otherwise, you will be gone, and they will not remember your smell. If I endure and then I have children, I will hug them 24/7..."

#this girl with her brother were most likely deported to a russian concentration camp #stop russian aggression #support ukraine #genocide of Mariupol

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,810 Words

Summary: Snapshots of Nikolai getting babysat by his allies.

Warnings: Age Regression, Bullying Mention, Cursing, Anxiety Attack Mention, Death Mention, Nausea Mention, Caps, let me know if I should tag anything else.

BSD Little Oneshots: Chapter 6: Little!Nikolai x Caregivers!DOA & Rats

Stumbling upon it had initially been an accident. You see, you could argue the DOA and Rats meeting was going as planned. If you weren't a certain Nikolai Gogol, that is. He knew, of course, that everyone else would describe this meeting as normal, business, casual even. Even Sigma, who hated these meetings was perfectly fine today.

Unfortunately, he wasn't able to pay attention. He was busy bouncing between headspaces and trying to keep his mouth shut so nothing stupid came out, no babble, not a word. He refused to speak because he knew his voice would come out wrong, come out like a baby. He'd taken to nodding and shaking his head as a response.

And Fukuchi had taken to asking him things he just simply didn't answer once he'd caught on that he was being quiet today. But, even with his questions, Fukuchi breezed past him easily regardless of answer or not. Fukuchi always did like monologues.

"Can someone remind me again how he's useful? I mean, such a strong ability is wasted if he's so slow mentally." Pushkin remarked and Nikolai felt his adult headspace crash a bit.

He refused to look up, he knew he'd look too stupid if he did, too young. He didn't want them to see him like this, he didn't want to even be here but everyone insisted that everyone attend. Even Shibusawa had joined as a tagalong to Fyodor, like a thorn in his side.

"What the fuck, Pushkin?" Sigma snapped. He looked over at the two-tone in confusion, he felt tears on his face. He didn't know when they got there, he didn't know when Bram began growling at Pushkin, eyes flashing dangerously, either but he was. The whole room was tense and he heard hiccups. Was that him?

"Why's the baby crying, hmm? You know you aren't useful?" Pushkin continued.

"I am!" He hiccupped, he felt like he was shaking.

"He even sounds like a kid." Pushkin laughed.

"You need to leave, right now. Before you regret coming today." He could have sworn Fyodor was talking to him so that's just what he did, he ran out and home, hiding in his room, hiding in his closet with his pacifier because he knew it was the only thing that could calm him down.

"Kolya!" Came Ivan's voice eventually, he heard the others too. They were looking for him, he knew.

So he didn't make a sound from his place in the closet, hand over his mouth, breath shaking and he was scared. Did they come to kill him? He couldn't escape like this, he was too small to use his ability with any accuracy, he could end up in the middle of an ocean, or falling from the sky.

"I think he's in the closet." Shibusawa told Ivan, probably the others as well.

"Why would he be in the closet? Wouldn't he have left by now?" Fukuchi asked.

"His breathing, it's quiet, but he's there." He hated Shibusawa's senses, he did. He knew too much too often and this is the one time he didn't want to be found.

"Kolya." Fyodor opened the door, kneeling before the closet when he spotted him in the far corner. He would die here, Fyodor would kill him. He didn't want to die like this, his chest felt too tight, he wanted to hide, he needed to breathe but he couldn't.

"He's panicking." Shibusawa alerted them.

"Panicking? Kolya, we made Pushkin leave. You can calm down." Fyodor assured him.

"Here, move." Sigma shoved his way past the others and sat with him in the corner. "Deep breaths. Slowly." The two-tone assured him, hand on his arm softly to give him something to latch onto. He followed his instruction, mimicking the calm, slow deep breaths that the other was taking to guide him.

"See? You're okay." Sigma assured him. "Just relax, you're safe. Nobody will hurt you. You're not stupid, Pushkin is an asshole."  He nodded, hands still over his mouth, now to hide his pacifier more than quiet his breathing.

"Nikolai, are you nauseous?" Ivan asked.

"Yeah, he's still holding his mouth." Mushitaro realized.

"Kolya, nausea's okay, just tell us. Are you sick?" Fyodor asked. He shook his head, that wasn't it. He didn't want to be made fun of again.

"Oh." Sigma hummed. He realized he'd seen it, he'd seen it and he was done for. They'd get rid of him, kill him so they didn't have a baby running around with their secrets. "It's cute, Kolya. Nobody will say anything or they'll deal with me." Sigma threatened. Slowly, hands shaking, he let his hands down and the others got to see his white pacifier.

"Aw." Ivan crooned.

"That's cute." Shibusawa admitted softly.

"See? No need to be scared." Sigma assured him. "Do you wanna sleep? Anxiety attacks can be exhausting." Sigma offered, getting up himself, expecting Nikolai to follow, obviously.

"Up." He quietly requested.

"Up we go then." Sigma crouched down and he latched on, unsure if they'd both tip over but he was a bit shocked when Sigma could easily lift him and carry him to bed. "Get some sleep, Kolya." Sigma was quiet whispering while he tucked him into the blankets, hushing the others and their bickering over who got to take care of the baby next.

Next time he regressed, he himself chose to latch onto Fyodor's arm, following him home from a restaurant that him, Sigma, and Fyodor had visited. Well, into a store and then home.

After the they got to Fyodor's apartment, he got handed a few jingly toys and he happily sat on the floor next to Fyodor's couch playing with said toys for hours, only occasionally sticking them into the other's face and making him look at the pretty, loud toys he'd been given.

He wouldn't complain if he was occasionally handed a kid's sized bag of fruit snacks or goldfish or a smaller toy. He did cry after Fyodor tossed out a wrapper he'd been given until the other had retrieved it, washed it, and given it back. He liked being around Fyodor, despite the other's adamance that he 'didn't care'.

Interrupting Sigma's day was a favorite pastime, he liked bothering him, Sigma had containments for him to not bother anyone else but him. So he followed him around with one of his toys Fyodor had given him, holding onto his arm and trailing along whilst the other man did his job.

Sigma made no complaint, so he just kept going, eventually leaving to go to sleep in Sigma's room. He woke up to quiet bickering and everyone telling him they'd been looking for him for three hours now. He did find that rather funny, the thought of six people frantically searching a casino for a baby who had been in one place the whole time.

Mushitaro got to babysit exactly once, through no fault of either him or Nikolai himself. But they were at the carnival and Mushitaro had won him a white bear with red eyes he'd named Katja.

However both of them ended up crying somehow. He didn't know how, neither did Mushitaro. But Ivan and Shibusawa had to go get them and bring them home. Mushitaro was no longer allowed to babysit him without someone else there.

Following Shibusawa home was odd. The man lived in some weird tower place, but he wanted to follow him around. Tatsuhiko didn't seem to mind, so he sat on a couch playing with his bear until Shibusawa got the bright idea to interact with him.

Said interaction was easy, Nikolai didn't really mind it, he patted where the other's horn would be and giggled claiming the horn was pretty. It was, after all. He liked it, at least. Shibusawa actually showed him the horn and he began sticking stickers and bows to it and into the other's hair.

Being called 'little treasure' made him giddy with joy, he liked it. So he called Tatsuhiko 'Dragon Dad' back, much to the other's already flared hoarding dragon instincts. And he didn't complain getting cuddled to sleep, hair being brushed through gently.

Ivan didn't quite bring him home when he chose him, he brought him to the park. Nikolai got to go on the swings so he was pleased. Ivan actually matched his attention so playing tag at the park was no problem for either of them.

And, certainly, having a platonic 'date' at a boba shop after was fun for them both, and certainly getting to go home and play hide and seek was also fun, thankfully Ivan was good at seeking.

Following Fukuchi home was an unfortunate side effect of Bram promising to tell him stories. He'd made Fukuchi cry earlier, calling him a bitch at their meeting when Fukuchi had called everyone 'mother hens'. At which, Fyodor had been outed as teaching him to curse while he was regressed.

Bram had actually laughed, which made him smile too while he watched the others argue over Fyodor and his teaching of swear words to a child. Fyodor was rather unphased, which was funny watching five others yell at him to stop teaching young children to curse.

So he'd determined he'd spend time with Bram, nobody ever really did. But Fukuchi had begun thinking it was him he was following as he stole a book from Fukuchi's bookshelf for them to read.

He snuck off to Bram's coffin after, sitting in the bottom to keep him company and he listened to Bram's stories of Europe until he fell asleep in the bottom half of the coffin with him, both settling on taking a nap before another story began.

He was once again woken up to quiet arguments about who had been watching him, to which he burst out with 'BRAM!', waking the other who simply sighed and smiled at him and urged him to read to him this time.

Fukuchi got him a child harness and had it on a leg of his desk. He'd been given markers, water, snacks, and coloring books he was occupied with. But then Fukuchi had fallen asleep and he decided coloring his mustache bright pink would be a good activity.

Bram was propped as an extra babysitter in his coffin against the wall, laughing at him and ended up waking Fukuchi up with his laughter. He continued coloring Fukuchi's mustache every time he was babysat by him from then on.

Regressing right before a meeting wasn't uncommon now, but he certainly didn't expect to end up being in a cuddle pile with everyone. Even Bram had been joined, he was hugging him in place of Katja, who Sigma was holding onto for him.

He was happy they'd figured it out. Giggling in the middle of a cuddle pile was the best way to spend an unproductive meeting.

#bungou stray dogs #agere nikolai gogol #little nikolai gogol #cg bsd sigma #cg fukuchi ouchi #cg shibusawa tatsuhiko #cg fyodor dostoyevsky #cg bram stoker #cg ivan goncharov #nikolai gogol #bsd sigma #fukuchi ouchi #alexander pushkin #shibusawa tatsuhiko #fyodor dostoevsky #bram stoker #ivan goncharov #mushitaro oguri #snoweywrites #age regression #bsd agere #bungou stray dogs agere #tw bullying mention #tw cursing #tw anxiety attack mention #tw death mention #tw nausea mention #tw caps

[spectre-of-communism]

I made a way too detailed interpretation of “The Mill” from PAFL

I'm using the transcript and the doc as well as Ferry's tumblr for reference. A lot of my interpretation is based on the video as well, so best watch it alongside this post :D

This is just my personal interpretation and probably wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Okay, let's do this. I'll be numbering the with timestamps as they are in the transcript for easier reference.

0:41: " “Two do the job, the third one is witness / Don’t shoot the guards, no need for guns” " not much to analyze in Sergei's briefing

0:44: "Check this / “Don’t go across, the longer road’s safer Watch as the bolt’s trajectory wavers” " going by visuals the bolt is used to find the objective of their mission (2:36 in the video)

0:48-0:55: "Learn in by heart, now the hardest part comes when / Staggering doubt paralyzes you and then / You fall apart like a house of cards, might as Well disregard it as a / cursory mantra" Yura should push trough the anxiety of going into the zone, it will go away

Starting from this line, I think Olya is the narrator for the first part of the video.

0:56: "Ah, my head feels heavy once again" She has been in the zone before and is haunted by her experiences there

0:59: "I wish I could dissolve myself in this rusty air" The Grinder is said to dissolve flesh and people. During the Grinder incident, in which she lost her right eye, Sergei saved her instead of Nikita's brother, Kolya. She is unsure if Sergei made the right call and thinks she should be the one who died there.

1:03: "It’s getting harder to act like I don’t really care" She sees the careless way Nikita and Yura interact, and is reminded of her younger self first exploring the Zone. She is struggling to keep up the cold facade she shows most of the series.

1:07: "I’m sorry but these earnest words of yours are just too much to bear" see above

The following part was in Russian, I used the translation from the transcript

1:11: "(I see you, the haze lingers above The pink arc of breaking dawn, A light just as distant as it was when we were children) "I strongly think the haze is connected to the grinder (see 2:30, message lost and my previous posts). Combined with the image of Kolya in the background that means she is remembering the Grinder incident. They were in their early twenties when it happened, still children in her eyes. The current mission reminds her of then.

1:16: "(And dirt, black dirt is spilling from our hands)" the black dirt is related to either to the Zone in general or the Grinder in particular. Compare also message lost: "To scour the blackened, soot-covered earth"

1:19: "(Wrapped in blue cloth, her pale ghost follows me Fog on the water -)" this is the line I am most unsure of, but here is my take, far-fetched as it may be: based on the video showing a younger Olya, I think "her pale ghost" is her past self, haunting her in the form of the trauma she experienced in the Grinder, clouding her vision.

1:23: "(The dawning haze lingers Like a gray duvet, above a quiet, quiet river) " another reference to the dead Kolya. "quiet river" might a reference to the proverb "quiet rivers run deep", either referring to Kolya as a person or, more metaphorical, to them underestimating the dangers of the Grinder

1:27: "I’ll draw a circle in the sand" the "circle in the sand" metaphor escapes me, although it might mean accepting her past and moving on, or maybe it is referring to "line in the sand" which she is not willing to cross. I find the second one unlikely without further context. Lastly. it could mean the opposite: her moving in circles and clinging to the past, not willing to let go yet. In my eyes the last interpretation is the most plausible.

1:29: "Drive myself around the bend" she is driving herself crazy, depending how you interpret 1:27 either trying to accept her past and move on, or desperately clinging to that what is gone

1:31: "In a desperate attempt to hold onto your battered hand"again, depending on your interpretation of 1:27 two possibilities spring to mind: either the "battered hand" is Kolya's, and she is trying to not forget him, or it is Nikita's or Sergei's, and she is trying to be as good as them at moving on

1:35: "Rocked to sleep beneath the snow" a metaphor Ferry likes to use for death (e.g. The Faulty Feline Philosophy, Dead Hand)

1:37: "She is bathed in youthful glow " I am pretty sure "she" is Nadya (gets clearer in the following lines, her face flashes at 1:49 in the video)

1:39: " "Strong enough to let it go" he says" Nikita claims to have gotten over her death

1:41: "but, darling, I don't know" but Olya doubts it

1:43: "This isn't my first time sinking lower than the low" Olya has had mental health problems or emotional outbursts due to the loss of Kolya

1:47: "How hard can it be to never let it overflow" so she thinks it's unlikely that Nikita could be unfazed by the loss of his girlfriend, his bottled up emotions need to be released at some point

1:50: "Oh, I've gotten used to being haunted long ago"doubles up on her not being able to move on from the loss of Kolya

1:54-1:56: "All I need to hear’s a simple / "hello"  " not entirely certain what this line refers to, but she connects "hello" either with Kolya or the incident

2:05-2:27: "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman, but... / You know, she actually has no Talent. / At all. / You mean... / Wait... Then how does she... / How is she even alive? / Well... They like to call it intelligence. Careful planning. / Though, really, all of those are just pretty ways of saying... / She lucks out."

I don't think there's a lot of deeper meaning here, Nikita's resentment that Olya was the one who returned is showing, and "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman" might be a reference to his girlfriend. That is just wild guessing at this point, tho.

From here on: Nikita's PoV. This part I am not too sure on, so if you have alternative ideas, let me know

2:28-2:33: "Right through the arc of breaking dawn / Through the haze and through the maw / Of the grinder I won't find her, but I'll guide you through them all" he knows that he won't ever find Nadya again, but he is still faithful to his mision

2:36-2:38: "No more circles left to find / In the windmills of this mind" he has thought about the past so much there is nothing else to do but move on

2:40-2:41: "Rest your members / Now, remember, dear, you’ve always been too kind" as the perceived leader he tells the group to rest, not sure who "dear" is

2:44: "Oh it’s nothing new, the visionless leading the blind" he calls Sergei visionless, he has no greater goal. He calls Olya blind, both in a literal sense after her loss of an eye, as well as metaphorical, as Olya never developed the sense for the Zone that makes a good stalker.

2:48: "It’s easy to say, “why don’t you leave it all behind” " he mirrors 1:39, he thinks Olya has moved on and he is the one stuck in the past. He thinks Olya is condescending towards him

2:52: "And this moral compass is forever misaligned " his perception of Olya is forever tainted and skewed,

2:56-2:59: "All I need to hear is that you’ll be there / By my side" but he still needs her support on missions

3:01: "But you can never know that" he does not want her to know that he relies on her, though.

3:03-3:05: " “Too strong to die” / Or was that me again?" not sure on this one. One possibility is that he mocks her cold attitude. Another is that he is projecting his own emotions onto her. Take this one however you want.

3:07-3:10: "I know that / There has to be some hope that’s / Just out of sight" he is hopeful that the future will be better

From here on: Sergei's PoV.

3:17: "I won’t let myself lose it again" He feels guilty for letting Kolya die and realizes he lost control and almost died himself

3.:19: "And now my only hope is that one day you’ll understand" He decides to keep Sanya under lock to protect her

3:23-3:24: "I’ll wrap the chain / Round my heart and her hammering neck" He will keep her metaphorically chained up to protect her from danger. At the same time he realizes that this will poison their relationship with his sister. Even so, he is willing to put her safety first, even if she will hate him for that.

3:27-3:29: "And save what’s left, though I know that / One day this weight will come to break my back" he is aware that his attempts to safeguard Sanya will one day backfire

From here on: Nikita's PoV again.

3:32:  "Once again we were left in the dust " Nikita thinks Yura and him are alike

3:34: "Self-hating ones like us crack when we betray someone’s trust" they are alike, and both feel like they violated somebodies trust (Nikita: Nadya, Yura: KT) and that is something that breaks them emotionally

3:38-3:40: " So if you must / Shield your heart with these layers of rust" Yura is distancing himself emotionally from those he loves, also note the parallel to False Disposition

3:42: "The sun will rise, until then I’ll" but better time will come

3:45: "Be waiting for you on the other side" Nikita will take a sort of mentor position for Yura

After seeing Nikita, who understands him so well, get shot, Yura overreacts and shoots the guard

#pafl #pafl theory #the mill #my english teacher would be proud #but also extremely disappointed #this got way longer than i intended

[deanothecheynosaur]

The Bear and the Nightingale (2017)

Yay first one! (Whether you read the long synopsis or not, the ranking is at the bottom)

Funny story before I get into it: so my boyfriend's brother bought me this book in paperback for Christmas. I had not started reading it yet, but I was checking my Kindle to see how many books I read in 2019 and saw that I had purchased this a while back, never got around to reading it, and forgot I had it. So I'm taking back the paperback as soon as his blizzard is over (which oddly fits the book) and bought the second and third on Kindle. I have another gift card, but I need all three books to be in the same format.

Short synopsis:

Vasya is a young girl in a small village northern Rus' who can see things others can't. Everyone thinks she's a witch. The frost demon Morozko watches and protects her to keep himself strong enough to contain the Bear. An epic story about the clash between the old religions & the domineering Christianity & about the sexism of the time.

Long synopsis:

Moving on. Our story opens in Northern Rus' in the remote village of Lesnaya Zemlya bordering a large forest with the family of Pyotr Vladimirovich, his wife Marina Ivanovna, and their children Kolya (Nikolai Petrovich), Sasha (Aleksandr Petrovich), Olya (Olga Petrovna), Alyosha (Aleksei Petrovich), a bun in the oven, and their nurse, Dunya (Darya Nikolaevna). There's some important backstory though. Marina is the daughter of Ivan I Grand Prince in Moscow and his third wife, a mysterious woman who wandered out of the woods with no family, no history, and many suspected she was a witch. Marina knew it would be her last child and it would be a girl like her mother. This is set during the late 13th century, after Genghis Kahn died while the Tatars were still dominating the area. But Marina was right. She died in childbirth delivering Vasya (Vasilisa Petrovna). Throughout the book, there are hints that everyone but Sasha blames Vasya a little for Marina dying.

Vasya grows up naughty and ugly, with huge green eyes, black hair with a hint of red, a mouth too big for her face, long limbs, and too skinny. Olya calls her "little frog." Vasya does whatever she wants: Dunya is old, Pyotr is a busy man between being the Lord of the area and a farmer, and she has no stepmother. One evening, Vasya gets lost in the forest and sees a one-eyed man sitting against a gnarled black oak tree she had never seen before. He was uber creepy. But then another man shows up on his horse, refers to the one-eyed man as Medved, and tries to talk to Vasya. She gets scared and runs, but neither man pursues her. After she gets home (still freaking out), Pyotr decides it's time to remarry before Vasya gets unmanageable. He takes Kolya and Sasha with him to Moscow to find himself a wife and Olya a husband. It's mentioned several times throughout how a character cleans the ice out of their horse's hooves or mane, which I think is a great addition because it really solidifies the time period by how important horses were to everybody. Once they are settled in Moscow, Sasha spends time with other devout Christians (he prays a lot) and discovers that there is a renowned holy man (Sergei Radoneshsky) at a monastery three days north of Moscow. Pyotr lets him go alone to meet the man. Once Sasha gets there, he decides he wants to be a monk at this monastery and goes back to Moscow to ask his father. Pyotr agrees on two conditions: 1. Sasha cannot join the order or speak to Father Sergei until after the next harvest; 2. Sasha will be disinherited. Which honestly I think is fair.

A minor character that sets a lot of major things in motion is the Metropolitan of Moscow, Aleksei. Took me a minute to figure out that that means he's a bishop. Anyway, basically his job is really to deal with problems that might hurt the future of the current family ruling. Initially, he lines up marriages: Olya to a lesser prince that could have a claim to the throne of he married higher, and Pyotr to the Grand Prince's mad daughter, Anna Ivanovna. She saw demons everywhere except the church, so she wanted to be a nun. Of the two arranged marriages, the latter was less necessary in the initial context but crucial to rest of the plot. On their way back home, they run into a strange man, slight in stature but moves too quickly to see with pale skin, curly black hair, and icy blue eyes. He admires Pyotr's horse and Kolya is a dick to him about it, so the man has a knife to his throat. To save Kolya, Pyotr must give a necklace with a bright sapphire stone in it to Vasya to keep with her always. Kolya forgets the encounter altogether and wonders about the white scars on his neck... Pyotr is nervous about he necklace, so he gives it to Dunya. Dunya doesn't want to spoil her, so she decides to keep it for a while. Then she starts having one of several dreams in which she is confronted about keeping what is not hers.

After Sasha and Olya leave to be a monk and marry, respectively, Vasya spends less time with people. We soon learn that she can see creatures, the spirits from the old fairy tales Dunya told. Except they're real. Vasya is not crazy, and neither is Anna, but Anna is too Christian to be cool about it. Plus, Anna is a mean stepmother, strongly preferring her own daughter, Irina Petrovna. Vasya soon befriends the domovoi who lives in the oven and protects the house. Vasya doesn't realize her family can't see these creatures, so she talks to the vazila, the spirit of the horses who guards the stables. He says that she and Anna are the only people who can see them. Vasya thinks the stables are safer, so she visits the vazila often. He teaches her to speak to horses and understand them.

Then our friend Aleksei the Metropolitan does his last bit of manipulation. There is a priest in Moscow who is very good looking and gifted at painting icons. Aleksei is concerned that this will cause too many disruptions, so when the priest up in Lesnaya Zemlya dies, he sends the pretty priest, Father Konstantin Nikonovich, up there to take his place. I've never hated a fictional character so much in my life. Vasya is talking to the rusalka, a river demon who lives off of consuming the fears and desires of various animals and humans, killing them in the process. She goes for men a lot. Vasya unfortunately stops her from killing Father Konstantin. He immediately dislikes Vasya, thinking her too bold and not pious enough. Anna is obsessed with Konstantin because priests are her favorite and this is a hot one.

As time goes on, Vasya gets less and less like a lady should be, which infuriates Konstantin, but he's also having impure thoughts about her, which infuriates him in other ways. Anna and Konstantin try to convince everyone that if they continue to leave offerings for the old spirits, they will go to Hell. But shortly after, the village faces all the hardships. Freezing cold. Food shortage. People dying from the temperature. Wolves eating livestock. And then the crops flood. What survives the flood in the spring burns in the summer. Konstantin tells everyone that God is testing their faith, meanwhile Vasya is trying to sneak offerings and keep people alive. She also learns how to ride horses. Pyotr betrothes her to a Lord/horse breeder from a few towns over, Kyril Artamonovich. He's an oblivious ass. When he finds out she can ride, he calls off the wedding and leaves. Konstantin convinces Anna that Vasya somehow will get Irina killed, so when Pyotr leaves town, Anna tries to get rid of Vasya, either by death or by hog-tying her and taking her to a convent. Anna tells Vasya that she can stay if she finds snowdrops (the flower) in the forest (it's midwinter). Vasya takes off to find some, deciding worst case scenario, she would rather die in the forest than in a convent. She ends up at the gnarled black oak from her childhood, and the one-eyed man is still there. He tries to grab her, but the same man on horseback swoops in and saves her. He takes her back to his "house" to rest. She shortly finds out that he is Morozko, the god of winter and death. The one-eyed man is his brother, Medved, the Bear, the god of fear and suffering. Morozko has had him bound for a few hundred years, but with the offerings decreasing, Medved's strength is increasing. Morozko is known to be a trickster and a lavish gift-giver. Among other things, he gives Vasya a horse called Solovey (Russian for Nightingale), a young bay colored stallion who is not quite as mortal as your average horse. He also gives Vasya some snowdrops so that she may go home, but when she arrives, things are not how she left them. This is where we hit the climax, and I'm not giving away the ending. 😉

I'm very into folklore and old religions, I love forests, and Russian history is so long and colorful that it's been a fascination of mine for a while. Plus, ice stories interest me, maybe because my birthday is frequently cold and icy. So this was a great book for me to read. It's also clear how well-researched it is, as well as spelling things so that an English speaker would still be saying it with the Russian pronunciation.

On a scale of 1-5, I give it a 4.5. It would be higher but so many characters were unlikeable.

#books #book addict #book review #the bear and the nightingale #2017 #katherine arden #the winternight trilogy #russia #russian folklore #review #pagan witch #pagan #witch #christianity

[words-writ-in-starlight]

26, 27 and 37 for Vasya/Morozko or Caleb/Molly

For this ask meme!  And I’m doing Vasya/Morozko because I love them and never get to talk about them.  There are spoilers here, y’all.

26. How do their friends feel about their relationship? Their families?

Medved…is Medved.  He hates Vasya for outsmarting him, and he adores her for freeing him, and he annoys her and dotes on her and tries to charm her because it bothers Morozko to see him do it.  Vasya learns to ignore him, even though Morozko never really does.

Vasya’s family is a little more of a going concern (I’m writing this fic).  Kolya takes it…poorly.  He’s been muscled around on the subject of chyerti, and the people of Lesnaya Zemlya put out porridge and milk for the domovoi and barley for the vazila again, but he is not on board with the winter-king, either as an extant being or as his sister’s lover.  He’s mortified when Vasya tells him, flat out, that she’ll never marry Morozko, and he’s outraged when Morozko admits under questioning that he would never think to ask it of her, and it pretty well goes downhill from there.  Eventually he comes to terms with it, but he and Morozko never…like each other, merely tolerate each other for Vasya’s sake.  Olga is never fully at ease with Morozko, but she comes around slowly, especially when Marya comes back to Moscow from visiting her aunt with a fine fur-lined hood and whispers to her mother, “You know, Lord Morozko is not so scary.  He gave me these.”  And she shows her mother a trio of birds, carved from pale birch wood and sanded beautifully smooth, all small enough to perch on Marya’s little fingers.  Marya saw the winter-king carve them himself, with knife and slow care, and that–that somehow does more to soothe Olga than anything else.

Alyosha is far easier to bring around–Alyosha killed an upyr with Vasya, he saw her driven out as a witch, and so when stories began to trickle through the trade routes of a girl with eyes like a hundred years in the forest and dark hair who turned Moscow on its ear and escaped her own pyre and helped win the day for Prince Dmitrii, he wasn’t surprised.  Seeing his sister show up with a stranger on the finest horse he’s ever seen, both of them dressed like royalty in velvet and furs, is…a shock.  Then she gets him alone and says “This is the winter-king, Morozko, who Dunya used to tell us tales of when we were small.  I love him.”  And that’s beyond a shock, but it’s also wholly typical.  If anyone was going to woo the winter, it would be his wild witch of a sister.  If she loves him, and she’s happy, that’s good enough for Alyosha, after everything.  It’s awkward at first–it’s awkward for a while, really–but Morozko and Alyosha are sort of like friends, eventually.

Irina adores Vasya as much as ever.  That, in combination with watching Morozko twist ice into an unmelting tiara that he sets on her hair, decides her in under half an hour.  She isn’t as comfortably fearless as Vasya, but she’s probably the next closest mortal in the world.

27. Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up?

Vasya ages slowly after going to the lake–very slowly.  When she is a woman of a hundred, she looks like a young and vigorous thirty.  Varvara is still strong and hale when Marya’s children die of old age, and Vasya has been steeped in more magic than anyone in her family save her great great grandfather.  She does not worry overmuch about her eventual death, from old age or from violence, and instead she dances in the first snowfall of each year and is adviser to princes and tsars, and Morozko stays with her, unchanging as the bite of ice.

They never have children themselves–Vasya likes children perfectly well, but she never felt the need to bear one herself.  If she never has a child, the world will not end, and she has never yet allowed herself to be pressed into doing something she didn’t want with her whole heart.  Vasya asks Morozko, nervous, if he’s upset that she doesn’t plan to give him children, and he blinks at her blankly for a long moment.  The demon Frost as a father?  He never really considered it, and now that it’s been brought up, he still finds the thought too strange to be comfortable.  He disregards it almost immediately, and kisses her hand, and tells her that he wants for nothing.

Because, of course, there are children.  They are not Morozko’s, but they are Vasya’s.  She brings witch-children to the edge of the lake, to her cottage–Marya and one of Kolya’s girls and then others, girls that Varvara and Midnight and the chyerti show to her, who need help and guidance and care so that they might never be Anna Ivanovna.  They never stay long, although some come often, and they learn not to fear the chyerti, they learn to walk fearlessly beside the lake of the rusalka and give honor to the leshy in the trees, they learn to be bridges who feed domovoi and go to church on Sundays and fear neither god nor spirit nor mortal man.  And they come to know the winter-king, when they see him kiss their teacher and drape her in diamonds and furs, and they love him, fierce and fearful and forever, as maidens love monsters.

37. How much would they be willing to sacrifice for each other? Any lines they refuse to cross?

Vasya would not sacrifice Rus’ for Morozko, but that’s about it.  As for Morozko–his life, his power, his freedom, he’s spent it all for her before, and he’d do it again without batting an eye.

#the winternight trilogy #vasya petrovna #morozko #otp: as i could #ask meme #headcanon meme #starlight writes stuff #anyway!!!!! vasya's home for wayward witches!!!!! #also i'm discussing a modern au with kells and what we've gotten out of it is #au where vasya ends up on the pta for irina after anna and pyotr die and she habitually brings morozko with her #(what else is she supposed to do she's like twenty how's she supposed to get these people to listen) #and the pta is terrified of them both #even though they have no idea who the hell morozko is #(mob boss???? vasya's sugar daddy???? local rich boy????? no one knows!) #morozko is obviously still the winter-king #i have no idea if russian schools have a pta arrangement but...please #please let me have this #anonymous #asked and answered #winternight

[diabolicxl]

Sunrise

DATE ❦ December 29th, 2018 LOCATION ❦ Lake Harmony, Ashbourne. WORDCOUNT ❦ 4,451 TRIGGERS ❦ Drowning SUMMARY ❦ Philippe meets Kolya so he can keep him company as the vampire watches the sunrise for the first time in seventy years.

The tree set up at the center of town square was sizeable, but what caught his sight were the colorful lights that decorated it, flickering in and out of view like fireflies, attached to no source of power. There were all sorts of decorations hung on the tree however, from hand sewn felt ornaments to hanging figurines and the more traditional Christmas balls. Few were the people left around to appreciate the view as the light of day approached and even the nightwalkers were driven back into their homes. 

Philippe checked his wristwatch to make sure he was in time, then pocketed his hands and looked around Kolya. He no longer wore that hideous ugly sweater from earlier, but a button up shirt and a coat to keep himself from growing colder. The weather didn’t affect vampires as much as it did the living, but he did prefer not to feel marble cold. A few steps around the quietening square and he spotted Nikolai in the distance. He looked particularly excited --- or was it worried? --- by the prospect of facing the sunlight. 

 He met him halfway, taking the time to assess the change of clothes. “The only good thing about ugly Christmas sweaters is that they only happen once a year.” Philippe came to a stop in front of him and smiled. “Are you ready to see the sun?” Those words were often presented as a threat to vampires, but in this case they were genuine. Philippe couldn’t remember the last time he went seventy years without a daylight ring. He hoped that never happened to Nikolai again.

It had taken Kolya all of thirty seconds to decide that the best way to cleanse himself of any lingering embarrassment over having waltzed around in that ugly sweater was to make up for it by reminding himself and everyone else with eyes that he did, in fact, still have just as much taste as ever. As a result, he’d ended up dressed a little higher class than one might have needed to be for a visit to the town square, but at least he felt more himself, dressed in pants made of a fitted gold fabric, dark boots and a black jacket with what was perhaps an excess of shiny gold detailing. But gold was appropriate for viewing the sun, wasn’t it? 

Upon catching sight of Philippe, naturally the first thing he’d done was inspect what the other vampire was wearing as well. Considerably more flattering than what he’d been in earlier. Kolya made his way over to him, gave a slight wave in greeting. “The bad thing about that is that it gives me an entire year to figure out how to make the next pair even worse than the last,” He teased, offering a smile in return. Kolya removed his right hand from his pocket and looked down at it, tilting it back and forth and watching as his daylight ring reflected what faint light it managed to catch. “Yes,” He said. “I am. Well, mostly. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little…” He shrugged and gnawed on his lower lip for a second before he tore his gaze from the ring and looked back up at Philippe. “I know there are tons of vampires that walk in the sun every day, and maybe it’s not supposed to feel like such a big deal, but it feels like a milestone. And… reaching this milestone doesn’t feel so much like turning a page as it does opening an entirely new book. Does that make sense?”

He almost felt underdressed at the sight of him, though the feeling didn't linger for more than a second or two and he appreciated the view. Nikolai would've been beautiful even without the aid of his perfectly fitted apparel, if the earlier look was anything to go by, but this did help. Philippe grimaced at the threat, "I just realized I'll be busy next Christmas." The words were followed by a teasing smile. 

 There was a certain hesitation in the air. For a moment Philippe wondered whether the other vampire worried the ring wouldn't work. He wouldn't be the first to doubt its power. "It is a big deal." He frowned. "I have given Henryk five years, but it took me decades to get my own. Back then it was much more difficult to get a hold of a witch who was both willing and capable to make you one." 

 Philippe motioned around them, to the shadows and the darkness. "You make perfect sense, Nikolai. The night can be a prison too, and it will not keep you anymore. You will enjoy writing this book." He creased his forehead, averting his gaze from the vampire. "Maybe we should a better setting for the first page, no? How about the lakeside?"

"Too busy for me?" Kolya questioned, feigning shock. He flattened a palm over his heart and failed to completely hide his amused grin. "Philippe, you wound me. I don't know if I'm capable of recovering from such a vicious blow." He sighed, and then a smirk spread across his face. "Well... it's alright. If that's the case, I'll just have to make us matching Halloween costumes." 

The fact that Philippe seemed to know what Kolya meant came as a relief, and his shoulders lost a little of the tension they'd been carrying. He listened quietly as Philippe spoke of how hard it had been to get his own first daylight ring. "Can I ask... what it was like for you? Were you afraid?" He searched Philippe's face. "What did you feel your first time in the sun as a vampire?"

Kolya could have counted the number of times he'd ever been told that he made perfect sense on one hand. Maybe with one finger, even, and though it was just a small reassurance it warmed him. Philippe understood. "I have a feeling I will," he said, and smiled, just a soft curve of the lips. "The lakeside sounds perfect." Kolya tucked his hands into his pockets and sent one last glance at the tree, running his fingers along the little felt star ornament he'd stolen from it earlier. Something nobody would miss, a small little memento from the night he'd kissed his years stuck in perpetual darkness goodbye. Maybe not all endings were bad. He turned and offered Philippe a smile. "Shall we?"

The dramatic acting amused him, but it was only the threat of a matching Halloween costume that drew a huffed out chuckle out of him. He was impossible. 

 "I suppose I was." Creasing his forehead, Philippe revisited his memories. So much had become a blur of emotion. Actions were erased within time, but how you felt clung to you through the centuries. "It was a long time ago, when the world was still riddled with ignorant superstition. I knew there were daywalkers among us, but I found it hard to trust." He threw him a look. “I had to give it a try though, how could I not? And it felt incredible, like conquering death. Again.” Philippe lifted his hand to glance down at his daylight ring one more time, making sure it was still there. “Such a small thing, and it eliminates our biggest threat.” 

Matching the vampire’s smile, he joined him on his walk towards Lake Harmony. “We shall.” The daylight touching the skin of the water would look beautiful. It occurred him that that’d be his first dawn in Ashbourne too. A few months in the dark already felt like penance, Clio had done Kolya a disservice. “How do you think this will affect your routine?” Philippe knew he took the late night shifts at A Stitch in Time so he didn’t expect any radical changes.

Kolya averted his eyes, avoiding Philippe’s gaze as he spoke of ignorant superstition. He gave a wry grin, a slight, embarrassed flush staining his cheeks. “I suppose I’m… a little wary of the idea. Putting so much trust in a witch, specifically.” Like conquering death. Again. Kolya glanced at Philippe and wondered what the story behind that was, but it was hardly polite to ask someone how they’d died. He was, in fact, capable of controlling the things that came out of his mouth- most of the time, he just didn’t choose to bother doing so. 

“I’m not sure,” Kolya admitted. “My life has revolved around the night for so long now. I’ve missed the sun… but I guess I grew used to the idea that it just wasn’t a part of my life some time ago. I don’t know what will change. Most vampire customers come in at night, and my boss seems to think that I’m the least likely to be eaten by them,” he joked. “I’ll still work at night, but the rest of the time… I’ll probably shuffle things around. Routine gets boring.” He shot a glance at Philippe. “I think about running my own business sometimes,” Kolya confided quietly. “Opening a shop. That way I’d be my own boss and I’d have all the spotlight to myself. But it’s such a small town, and tailoring isn’t exactly the most thriving business ever. I don’t know how well trying to compete with an already established business would go.” He shook his head. “What about you, though? Got any big plans for what you’ll do in the daylight?”

Conversation made the trek to the lake pass by easily enough. The water was beautiful even now, and Kolya could only imagine what it would look like with the rising sun painting the surface a myriad of hues. He wandered close to the water, not enough to get his boots wet but enough to observe it. Someday he’d go swimming in it, when the setting was different and the weather was warmer, but for now the urge to strip down and climb in was just a fleeting one. “How much longer do you think it will be?” He whispered, looking up at the sky as if searching for a sign. He was still nervous, a set of butterflies swarming in his stomach, but Philippe’s company helped.

“Oh,” the vampire nodded and his expression melted into a warmer smile, “I see. It is true that vampires have been fooled by witches in the past, but that wouldn’t happen here.” He threw him a quick glance. “Not to you.” Kolya was far too likable to pick a fight with a witch, he was sure there was nothing to worry about. If it’d been a hateful creature like a certain Orphan vampire he knew, Philippe would understand the hesitation, but it didn’t seem like Kolya posed any threat to the witches. Kolya should be fine. 

Still, he reached for him to plant a hand on his nape into a supportive gesture. “Trust me then. If anything happens, I will move you away from the sun.” He didn’t think that would be at all necessary, but if it was, he was willing to put in the effort. 

“Routine does get dreadfully boring.” Philippe let out a heavy sigh. It was the most sickening thing about Ashbourne, its stillness. “If you need a head start, I could always eat your boss.” He barely contained the amusement at the corner of his lips. “Eliminate the competition.” Philippe made a pause as he mulled over his own predicament. “I like to wake up at noon, give up a little of the night for the sun. I suppose that will always depend on how interesting the evening turns out to be.” 

As they walked, he watched the lake fall under their line of sight. The water was still, as if keeping secrets from them. “Lakes always remind me of that tale about the woman who fell in love with the moon, do you know it?” He came to a stop, watching as Kolya wandered closer to the edge of the water, and took off his coat to set it down on the floor before taking a seat. “It shouldn’t take more than ten minutes now.”

It wasn’t often that anyone asked Kolya to trust them. Not with any level of seriousness, at least, and rarely did Kolya ever truly, fully give it. The words caught him off guard and so did the hand touching the back of his neck. Not in a bad way, if the slight discoloration that stained Kolya’s cheeks was to be any indication. It was just a friendly touch, he reminded himself, a reassurance, but oh, he liked having Philippe’s hand there. Kolya shot the man a look, and if his eyes were half- lidded when he did so- well, that was entirely out of his control. “Alright,” he said. “I’ll trust you.” Simple words, but nothing more was needed. Sometimes simplicity fit better than extravagance or excess. There were half a dozen stupid little jokes he could have made, too, something about hoping Philippe was a man of his word or about being glad for their proximity to the water in case Kolya went up in flames, but this moment, whatever it was or might be, would slip away soon enough. Kolya didn’t want to break it prematurely. 

Despite the scandalous, gory nature of Philippe’s next offer, Kolya couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, if you’re going to eat anyone, you might as well choose the most productive option, right?” He threw back. Prone as he was to having a rather tense view of competition, he’d never viewed murder as a solution. “That sounds like a good way to do it... get the best of both worlds.” Kolya couldn’t picture himself wanting to spend his time beneath only the sun or only the moon, at this point. Maybe he’d try and split his time between the two as well, as much as he could, at least.

“I don’t believe I’ve ever heard it. Will you tell me?” Kolya requested. He watched Philippe spread his jacket on the ground with mild horror, and bit down on his lower lip as he made his way closer. One jacket in this equation was a lost cause already, might as well capitalize off it as much as he could. “Don’t laugh,” He requested as he came to a stop, though he was nearly laughing at himself as he did so. He wasn’t unaware of the fact that he was high maintenance when it came to such matters, but at least he could own up to it. He held up one finger as he spoke. “I don’t want to get my pants dirty, but I’d sooner stake myself than sit on this jacket. It’s new. I’ve been working on it for weeks. Yours is already grimy, now, so… can I convince you to scoot over and share? Pretty please?”

There was something very real about the way he looked at him when he promised to trust him. Philippe wasn’t blind to the vampire’s interest, but made use of what little self-control he had to keep himself from hurting Kolya. He didn’t make it any easier by looking at him like he’d like to be kissed though. Averting his eyes, he watched the dragonflies kiss the skin of the lake as he listened to the vampire’s colorful laughter. “I never miss out on the chance to solve two problems at once,” he offered, playful, and matched his expression with an amused smile. 

It was not all that uncommon that he’d grown closer to the vampire in such a short span of time, but he supposed he had been more… honest with him than most. To a disconcerting extent at times. “It worked for me when I lived in Louisiana.” Another detail that was better off left unsaid. 

“There was a woman locked in a tower who grew mad. She fell in love with the moon and, when she saw its reflection in the water, she threw herself from the tower and drowned.” Philippe looked at him to see whether the story had saddened him. “I think about it every time I see the lake, I’m not sure why.” 

It was his turn to laugh, and the almost foreign sound crawled up his throat and spilled out. “Please, join me,” he said and scooted over to make room for him. “You can warm me up. I did sacrifice my jacket.” In the distance, the sky started to change color, clearing as the sunlight peaked from behind the canopies of the woods.

Kolya watched Philippe until he looked away, and even then his eyes lingered, a slight crooked grin crossing his face before disappearing as he looked back at the path ahead of them. Interesting. “Resourceful, hm? That’s a good trait to have,” Kolya said, and nudged him lightly with an elbow, and then he shook his head. “A tried and true tactic, then. Philippe the Boss- Devourer. You know I have to ask about Louisiana now… what job was it for?” He asked, as incapable of choking back his insatiable curiosity as ever. Philippe had yet to seem bothered by it, at least. Kolya wanted to learn about his history, wanted to hear about all the little events that had turned him into who he was now in addition to the bigger ones. “You don’t have a job here in Ashbourne, do you? What sort of things have you done in the past? I’ve only ever notably been a tailor. I mean… pickpocketing, petty theft, busking, odd jobs for money… but I don’t think those count the same way designing and making clothes does.” 

Kolya stayed silent as he considered the story. It had taken a turn he hadn’t expected and it left him feeling rather melancholy and introspective, but he didn’t regret having asked. It was something he’d think about later, something he’d turn over in his mind and examine again and again, a story that would stick. It made his head spin, not only trying to understand it now, but trying to decipher what Philippe thought the story meant as well

Kolya grinned as Philippe laughed, completely ignoring his warning not to do so. Kolya found he didn’t mind in the slightest. Worth it, to draw that sound out of him. “Thank you,” He said, taking a seat on the jacket and pressing close, willing to give all the warmth he possessed. Maybe being a vampire was counterproductive to such a task, but he’d do his best. He pressed his side against Philippe’s, and after thinking about it for no more than a second he lifted one hand up to rest right below the other man’s shoulder blade, not quite an embrace, but almost. He let his thoughts return to that story of the woman and the moon. “What do you think it means?” Kolya asked, voice hushed. “...I suppose we all have something we’d drown for,” He whispered, staring at the surface of the water. All or nothing. What was the point if you had nothing in your life you wanted badly enough to risk death for? What worth was there in a passionless existence? “Do you think she was very different from Icarus?” He thought aloud, voice still soft. “Except… I suppose the difference is that Icarus was warned. Don’t fly too close to the sun.” He stared at the water for a moment longer before looking at Philippe. “But he was warned not to fly too far from it, either. Not to fly too low.” He fell quiet again, his eyes on Philippe for a long moment before they went back to the water.

He kept his eyes trained on the scenery, growing transfixed by the sky, the way the dark of the night slowly bled away and gave way to streaks of color that began painting the horizon. Night had shades as well, but not like this, not so bright that it looked foreign, blues and pinks and oranges and yellows, a myriad of hues broken up by the sharp, skeletal lines of tree limbs with the glassy surface of the lake reflecting it all. Kolya’s lips parted, his fingers unconsciously curling in the fabric of Philippe’s shirt. It looked too gorgeous to be real, hypnotic in a way no work of art could imitate. There were no words to adequately describe the display. Eventually, with a wide, breathless grin slowly taking over his entire face, Kolya found the presence of mind to glance at the man beside him, wanting to see if Philippe was just as awestruck by the rising sun as he was.

Philippe turned to look at him with brows furrowed in confusion, though he couldn't hide the appreciative smile on his face. "I meant the schedule, but I suppose the murder too." He breathed out a short chuckle, then his expression melted into a pensive one. Avoiding the subject of Louisiana would only make matters worse. "I worked as a Councilman for the Queen in Louisiana, but most of the work I did was investigative. There was someone in town killing vampires and she needed someone to handle it." He wouldn't mention the fact she had requested him to spy on his fellow members of the Council too. "Prior to her request, however, I have only focused on Research. Witchcraft." He threw Kolya an amused once-over. "Petty theft? Who are you?" 

The tale was followed by silence and for a moment he wondered whether it'd been too melancholic a subject to bring up in the presence of a Cupiditas. "Icarus was an arrogant fool. He was greedy. Hers was a simple tragedy, a mad woman who did not know what she was doing. Despair," Philippe decided. "I can't say I know what it means, but it stays with you. I suppose we are all afraid to want something so badly we might drown." 

He watched Kolya as he looked into the horizon, drinking in every color that painted the sky. His lips parted, it seemed like his breath had been taken out of his lungs and he barely noticed. The light shone in his eyes with such a childish, innocent wonder, such a mesmering look, it brought a genuine smile to Philippe's face. During the sunrise, they were not as cold as the melting snow, at least not Kolya anyway. The sunlight poured in and out of him and he looked more alive than ever in the glow of the warm yellow sunrise. He looked away only when his gaze was caught staring, and he moved his eyes to watch the sun climb on to the sky from behind the canopies of the woods that surrounded Ashbourne. "Isn't it worth risking a little sunburn?"

“Oh,” Kolya said, and grinned, somewhat embarrassed that he’d misunderstood. “Well, that makes more sense, I guess. I just had boss- eating on the brain.” He remembered when they’d first met, Philippe had told him he was sixteen centuries old. That was a long, long time to have dedicated to witchcraft. Who are you? A big question, one Kolya hardly knew the answer to himself sometimes. He wasn’t the same person he’d been seventy years ago, wasn’t even the same person he’d been twenty years ago. He doubted Philippe had meant it as anything more than a passing joke where the petty theft was concerned, though, and that made it easier to come up with a reply. He shrugged. “Someone who survived,” He answered. “Clio had her work cut out for her when she turned me, getting me to be all domesticized.” Russian gutters in the twenties made for wild boys. 

Philippe’s description of Icarus twisted Kolya’s mouth into an amused grin. “I suppose you’re right,” He said, though he wasn’t sure at all whether that was where his own thoughts on the matter truly lied. It was something he wanted to sit and contemplate for another twenty minutes, the woman and the lake, Icarus and the sea and the sun. As he stared at the open water, he thought that he, too, would likely think of that story every time he saw the lake from now on. Maybe the only way to truly understand her madness and the story was to experience it for yourself- after all, she wasn’t around to give any explanations. 

Philippe looked away, but Kolya allowed his own gaze to linger for a moment, appreciating the way the rising sun illuminated his face, the way he looked against the backdrop of the early morning winter sky. “More than worth it,” He agreed quietly. “Thank you, Philippe. For encouraging me to take that risk, and for being here with me to see it."

Philippe hadn't given much thought to the person Kolya had been before he became who he is now. It sounded like it'd been a mistake. A wild young boy growing up to be as sweet as Kolya sounded like a delightful tale for another time. He smiled. "I am sure she never regretted that." A Cupiditas could hardly have, and he supposed his company was just aware of that as himself. 

The other vampire kept quiet, but he didn't seem terribly melancholic. Philippe had given him something to think about, and hopefully it wouldn't be entirely saddening. The tale was as beautiful as it was tragic. That was the allure of love, was it not? Potentially deadly, but oh so enjoyable too. 

"Someone had to make sure you didn't postpone this for another day." He watched his brown hair take on golden hues when it caught the light. Philippe could almost see it, the moment Kolya decided he looked better in the sunlight. The idea made him widen his smile into a grin and he bit back a laugh. "The morning is very bright and still. It feels like there is nothing else out there, doesn't it?" Turning to watch the light shimmering on the surface of the water, he added, "If you are not too tired, let's stay here for a while, yes?"

“And that I didn’t burst into flames,” Kolya pitched in, because that had been a valid fear. It did feel a little silly in retrospect, now that it was no longer a concern, but you just never knew. He followed Philippe’s gaze back to the lake and smiled. “It does,” he agreed. The world was quiet, and if Kolya were to close his eyes he could believe that it was empty save for himself and the man at his side. For the first time he could remember since he’d arrived in this town months ago, Kolya didn’t feel trapped. He smiled, and when he spoke, his voice was soft. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”

#kolya ivanov: 4 #& discord.

[gingerly-writing]

Questions Tag Games

explanation: I’m super late to these, I suspect not many people will want their dashes spammed with my random answers, and I’m not tagging people, so I’ve amalgamated all of these into one post. 

tagged by @concealeddarkness13! haven’t spoken to you in a while, hope you’re doing great

1. Would you rather write a more classical hero or an anti-hero as a protagonist? I’d rather write a hero for the protagonist, but an anti-hero as a general character

2. Who is your favorite character you have written and why? Ever? That’s cruel. Out of people that y’all would know, Urial does seem to generate the most emotional reactions

3. How many WIPs do you have? 3 proper ones, currently: Iron Flower, Space Royalty and Piracy Pays

4. Who is your least favorite character you have written and why? To write? Klarion from Young Jutsice fanfic. Motherfucker would not follow the assigned plot. Hate-wise? Possibly Coincidence or Accord, neother of whom you guys have met yet. Those two are a pair of nasty criminals/villains, and they are a little too good at punishing anyone who gets in their way

5. What is your favorite aspect of writing? Finishing!

6. If you had only one sentence (per WIP) to get someone to read your books, what would the sentences be? They wouldn’t because I suck at loglinesss...humourously though?

IF: an entire continent is saved from the ravages of war by the ancient art of sexting via treaty negotiations Space Royalty: ‘she stabbed me? god-fucking-dammit I am so in love with her’ Piracy Pay: you get to chug your drink every time I kill a character

7. If your protagonists fought to the death, which one would win? Protags? Depends if morals were removed, and whether it was on-on-one. Koronis, if not -he’s an emperor with black magic and an entire galaxy-wide army.  If it was on-on-one with minimised morals, Ace would stand a damn good chance. Boy is smarter than he gives himself credit for, and very adaptable. Galaxy is also pretty viable. Girl can swing a superpowered punch like she means it, and she hasn’t survived this long on luck alone.

8. Which protagonist(s) would survive the zombie apocalypse? Koronis would. Ace would die trying to save someone else. Solaris would...provided Monarch was dragging him around, and even then they might go down together in a dramatic last stand. Galaxy would be in charge of a small, benevolent queendom. Cleo would, those plant skills would make her handy to any new civilisation. Fact would go down staving off the hoardes so everyone else could run. Rosalie would think she was the weak link of her group, but they would probably keep her alive; L’aura would kick zombie ass.

9. Which is your favorite story you have written or are working on? Space Royalty is damn fun to write -the benefits of extravagant, overdramatic space operas I suppose. Piracy Pays has had a good reception, so I’m pretty proud of that. Hopefully I can keep the momentum going until the end! It is a huge pain o write though

10. Which of your characters is your favorite villain and why? Raph is my evil supervillin crimelord Big Bad and I adore him utterly

11. When do you find is the best time of day for writing? Evening! 8pm-1am

*******************************************************************************************

tagged by the lovely @a-sundeen​! this is so old I bet you don’t even remember tagging me, oopsie

1. When you’re describing a new character, what feature do you usually note first? Build, usually, as in their height/weight ratio, muscles/skinniness or lack of, how they carry themself etc. The reason for this is that I often start with the macro ‘impression’ of the character before zooming in on a few specifics. I try to use an interesting description or comparison here as well.

2. Do any of your characters play an instrument or really enjoy music in general? If so, what instrument (or what genre, if it’s the latter)? I am the least musical person on planet earth, so making my characters musical often doesn’t occur to me. Koronis can sing and play the space-piano (forced childhood lessons), and Jade can play the violin, but neither of them are passionate about it. Kolya/Cynosure (the popstar/supervillain) is very very musical, but I skip around a lot of the specifics because I’m a big cheater. He mostly makes anti-establishment and anti-hero music, but he’s one of those artists who strays all over different genres.

3. Which musical artist usually gets you the most pumped to write? Les Friction does good dramatic music and they’re not so well known, so I like to tell people about them when I can

4. Do you prefer writing fight scenes over other types? (This is a weirdly worded question I’m sorry, rip) It’s worded fine, sunshine! And no, I don’t like writing fight scenes because I don’t like the logistics of them. There are too many limbs to keep track of, and then I feel like I’m neglecting their surroundings and potentially useful items in favour of mentally tracking who’s where and what their arms and legs are doing. I cover up for my fight scene weaknesses with too much dialogue, and I’m fully aware of that fact.

5. Is there a city or country you’d really like to write in or about? Write in is probably just where I’d like to travel, so Russia, India and South America (I know that’s general but it’s the only continent except Antarctica that I haven’t been to) are my top choices. Write about…I’d like to sink myself deep into east coast USA to really nail the feeling of Galaxy’s city and her character, and then be able to confidently write about it. I do have a study year abroad coming up in 2020, so here’s hoping…

6. Do you prefer to be warm or cold while you write? Warm! I love blankets and my big fluffy dressing gown, and on top of that all my friends always complain about how hot my house is

7. Do any of your characters have hobbies you’d like to try out someday? Fiction wise, glo-ball from Space Royalty sounds like a very entertaining game, especially when I’m kept safe behind a pod. sodding netball injuries Jade paints and draws, and I’d love to get better at art. Likewise, Rosalie sews, making and decorating her own clothes, and I’d love to be able to do that. Idk, does being a supervillain count as a hobby? I’d love to rob a bank…not even necessarily for the money, just the #aesthetic

8. What is your favorite type of character to write? Villains! And morally grey people. And characters where the POV character has no idea what they’re really thinking, who they really are, what they actually want etc. And, on the flip side, balls of positive sunshine, because they make me feel better about the world

9. Halloween is here! Which character has a costume made for them by their mom? Ahahahahaha can you tell how late I am to this.

10. Halloween is here (again)! Which character thinks the holiday is childish but dresses up anyway? I AM SO LATE. Rosalie thinks the holiday is childish but dresses up in the most elaborate homemade princess outfit ever and entertains all the kids she can find. What, it is a children’s holiday, surely she should be making them happy on their special day…

******************************************************************************************* tagged by @blackfeatherantics who is now @mbovettwrites I think? I hope?

1.      How long have you been working on your WIP(s) for? Iron Flower is the oldest current one, and I started it on Christmas Day 2016

2.      What song would you assign as your protagonist’s theme tune? I’ll just pick one, and Koronis’ is Young and Menace by FOB. No real lyrical reason, it just reminds me of him

3.      Do you have any favourite spots (gardens, parks, cafes, etc.) where you like to write? The sofa in my living room next to my family

4.      Poetry or Prose? Prose!

5.      Where do you draw inspiration for your writing from? Everywhere! Other people’s writing and prompts and published novels and TV and movies and random stray thoughts and daydreaming and chatting to other writers and-

6.      Is there any popular book that you wish you had written and why? The Lies of Locke Lamora because I’d take out the first 100-ish page of solid worldbuilding and backstory that seemed almost completely irrelevant to the rest of the plot?And the domino-effect of all the plot elements knocking each other into action at the end was so clever, it annoyws me that the beginning means I don’t like reccing it to people

7.      What’s your planning process when you start working on a new WIP? I daydream about it for at least a few weeks to make sure the idea has staying power. Then I come up with character names, quirks, descriptions etc. finally, I lay out the plot chapter-by-chapter from the beginning to the end so I have a guiding rope throughout the whole process and I’m less likely to get stuck. Of course, that’s when I plan on letting a WIP bloom into being. Some, like Space Royalty and Piracy Pays, start off as short drabble ideas and then refuse to leave, which means I have no concrete plan for them...

8.      Do you work best in mornings, afternoons, or at night? Evening!

9.      Would you prefer to self-publish or work with an agent and publishing company and why? Agent and publishing company, because I value the help they can provide more than the ability to retain complete creative control over my book (since I’m crap at titles and designing book covers anyway)

10.  How do your emotions/moods affect your writing? Not a lot tbh. If I’m very very tired I can’t write anything good, but I’m not sure that counts as an emotion.

11.  What’s your favourite line of your WIP/one of your poems? I’ve written both of my current favourite lines for prompts, which were: ‘Time hollows all victories’ and ‘The hero doesn’t die in this one’. I’ve had other favourites in WIPs over time, but I can’t think of them right now

******************************************************************************************* tagged by the ever wonderful @time-to-write-and-suffer

1) How are you so awesome? Genetics.

2) What’s your favorite thing about your writing? The dialogue! Or the romances, which I mostly like because of the fun/cute dialogue.

3) Who’s your favorite character that you’ve written and why are they your fave? This is so mean. At the moment, Raph, because I can’t stop thinking about him and he’s so incredibly dangerous, yet on the low down (like the Mariana Trench level of low down) he has all these cute little quirks that only one or two people know about

4) One of your characters has been placed in the world/plot of a book you love. What happens? Rosalie becomes a Grisha in Leigh Bardugo’s world. She finds a sense of self-worth and gets to enjoy the little luxuries that come with the position.

5) One of your characters has been placed in the world/plot of a book you hate. What happens? X takes the place of Celeana Sardothien. He murders everyone in his path, tells the crown of Terrasen to get fucked because there’s no way he can run a whole government with any level of competance, probably murders Rowan with extreme prejudice, opens the Wyrd gates just to search the universe for Raph and bring him through so he can construct a decent government for Terrasen, would probably sleep with Dorian, would make it his new life goal to highfive Manon.

6) Your characters must fight each other to the death until only one stands victorious. Who wins? Raph. Koronis could conceivably stand a chance against him, but Raph would decimate pretty much anyone else. I think Raph would be able to stay above the fighting for longer, whereas Koronis would jump in just a touch earlier, which would be his downfall.

7) If you could steal a cover and a title from other books to use for your own WIP/s, which ones would you steal? Cover-wise I’d steal the minimalist Red Queen aesthetic, because that sleek shit is the bomb.  Title-wise? That’s harder. The Lies of Locke Lamora has some sick alliteration, but I think I’d rather steal the style of it rather than the exact title

8) If you switched places with one of your characters, what would happen to you and to them? I would die, pretty much everywhere. If Rosalie swapped with me, she would slowly come out of her shell and become a fashion designer -not an A-lister, she wouldn’t like how vicious and ruthlessly businesslike you have to be, but maybe making her own high-end clothes in a small shop in London

9) What makes your style unique compared to other writers? Thanks for the existential crisis, Eff.

10) Describe your antagonist’s song number if they were a Disney villain. No Good Deed from Wicked, for Darklight

******************************************************************************************* tagged by the lovely @itstheenglishkid

1. Have you ever realized how similar an oc is to you and felt the need to change them so they aren’t so similar? I mean, Jade from Iron Flower almost shares a name with me, and she’s ginger, which did concern me for a while, but hopefully she’s nothing like me personality wise (or else I’d have to do some serious self-reflection)

2. Do any of your ocs like candles? I bet Rosalie loves pretty candles, especially patterned or strongly scented ones! Anything luxurious that she can’t afford, really

3. Do you normally write settings that are (or are based on) places you know intimately (ie your home town)? Oh god no. I like sweeping Chinese-inspired castles or creaking pirate ships or far flung space universities and man-made planets. I’m really not a contemporary writer though, so I guess this isn’t much of a surprise?

4. What is a book that feels similar to your own wip? Ahahaha, which WIP? Piracy Pays has similar vibes to @boothewriter‘s pirates and probably also @noodlewrites’ pirates (I’m guessing? I haven’t read any excerpts from you I’m sorry). Space Royalty is just weird. Iron Flower is probably similar to a lot of generic fantasy YA, like Red Queen and whatnot.

5. Do you have a dream cast for your ocs? I don’t really faceclaim? Or know much about a wide array of actors, so no, not really.

6. Are you good at story titles? Do they come easily to you? I am abysmal at story titles, holy shit. I mean, you can see the evidence scattered around this post. Piracy Pays and Space Royalty are just placeholder names, but I’m not convinced I’ll come up with anything good to replace them. Iron Flower is alright in that its relevant to the story and fits into the series title (The Flowers of War) but…idk, its not setting the stars alight or anything.

7. Do you ever change oc names once you’ve started a wip? Not often, though I am considering changing Ace’s name because I don’t think ‘Seb’ suits him. Only question, what to??

8. Which people have you let read your work? I mean, all of y’all have the opportunity to read Piracy Pays. No one has read Iron Flower, and I’m stretching myself by letting @rrrawrf-writes @lux-deorum@haphazardlyparked read Space Royalty in its raw first draft stage.

9. What usually catches your attention about a book first? Style? Characters? Plot? I’m quite an easy reader to catch and hold tbh. What makes me love a book is a clever plot. For me, a very strong plot can carry weak-ish characters, but I can never read super deep characters with no plot.

10. Do you have a favourite author? Probs Rick Riordan, or Julia Golding.

******************************************************************************************* tagged by the wonderful @typeaadventures

1. How many works in progress do you have? Properly, three. Iron Flower, which is written (143k) but needs editing, Piracy Pays which y’all are reading, and Space Royalty which crossed 30k about a week ago

2. Do you/would you write fanfiction I used to! I stopped in Y12/13 because I didn’t have enough time to do fic and original writing, and I haven’t really had the time to pick it back up.

3. Do you prefer paper books or ebooks? Either, I’m not fussed. Though if it has a really pretty cover, I’ll be hankering after a paper copy

4. When did you start writing? 14-ish on Young justice fanfic

5. Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with? Not all of my work, but yeah, I have a lovely server and also some irl friends that get the junk landed on them

6. Where is your favourite place to write? At home chilling with my family while we all do stuff

7. Favourite book as a child? Dragonfly by Julia Golding

8. Writing for fun or publication? Hopefully publication, but I know I need to improve a lot first, honing my skills etc.

9. Have you taken writing classes? Not a lick

10. What inspired you to write? Gotta get those stories out of my head and onto the page, man. Gotta get that sweet sweet representation out there too.

thanks everyone!  xx

#tag game #about the author #long post

[fyodorsuggestions]

Shot Down (Nikolai Gogol?)

“Get up...I said get up. We have work to do. Darling joker this no time for another of your tricks, I’ve seen you take worse, you’ve survived me darling,” he sighs even though he knows death is the only outcome when so much blood has been lost. He’s seen it dozens of times before, no? The spread of it, the puddle slowly seeping into the cold snow under his feet. 

“Kolya what are you doing? Honestly, your theatrics are a delight but they get to be annoying and you know I don’t have the patience for it,” he scoffs, kneeling down and gently taking the mask from the slack face. Hmm, so pretty, even now. He would have made a grand jester when the King was crowned and the war won.  

“tsk Kolen'ka, I thought better of you,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to a cold forehead, smiling ruefully as he does. He did enjoy the capers and performances, the kindred spirit in one so unbalanced and he will miss Nikolai but not enough to mourn him. 

“No no, I won’t mourn you darling, you would hate that. Instead, I will kill them all and paint your likeness in their blood, one last performance for my Joker,” he whispers, pressing one last kiss to stiff lips before he gets to his feet. The body is cold and half covered in snow already, the snowfall will cover it completely within in the hour and before the Spring comes, he will be avenged. 

“I promise you that darling,” He murmurs quietly, lifting the dead man’s mask to his face and setting it in place. The smile unfurls slowly but deadly and he becomes by the spectre of death as he walks through the snow, leaving the soft ether down to fill his footprints and hide his tracks. 

@nikolaisuggestions

#fi-fi fics #anon

[ilikemymendarkandfictional]

30 Day Stargate Atlantis Challenge (or answering these questions)

Choose one of your favorite tv-shows.

1. Favorite female character: Teyla Emmagan

2. Favorite male character: Hero? John Sheppard     Villain? Michael Kenmore or Acastus Kolya (I can’t pick)

3. Favorite guest star character: Todd

4. Favorite episode: Common Ground

5. Second favorite episode: Michael

6. Third favorite episode: Duet

7. Favorite season: 3

8. Favorite quote: There are so many but I choose “You can’t shoot an unarmed upside down man!”

9. First episode you’ve watched: I think it was somewhere around the end of season 4

10. Favorite ship: Sparky/Shweir

11. Second favorite ship: Meyla

12. Worst moment (could be a death, departure, something you hated or you felt bad for the character): Carson’s death

13. Best moment of your favorite female character.

14. Best moment of your favorite male character.

15. Best moment of your favorite ship: All of their moments. They are just adorable.

16. A scene that made you cry (literary or that was so sad that you felt like crying): Carson’s death comes first but is followed closely by Rodney being sick in The Shrine

17. A scene that made you laugh so much that your stomach hurt: Ladon running through the gate while Sheppard is shooting at them

18. Best OMG! scene: Carson’s clone appearance

19. Favorite sad scene: Carson’s ghost fading away after saying goodbye to Rodney

20. Favorite funny moment: Way too many to choose from.

21. Something you would change in the show: Weir leaving. She was the best.

22. Favorite promo picture: The one where they are all wearing fancy leather.

23. Promo picture that made you say ‘Gah! I can’t wait to see that episode’:None

24. Promo video/trailer that made say ‘Gah! I can’t wait to see that episode’: The preview for Prodigal.

25. Favorite premiere: Search and Rescue

26. Favorite themed episode (for example if in each season there is a Christmas/Halloween/etc… episode, which one is your favorite).: None

27. Moment when you thought one of the main characters was going to die but at the end s/he didn’t: In the finale with Ronon. God that scared me.

28. I didn’t see that coming moment: Carson’s clone appearing

29. The reason you watch this tv-show: It is my life. My very first fandom.

30. Scene you’ll never forget: Cadman kissing Carson while in Rodney’s body XD

#sga #fandom #stargate atlantis #stargate